#after like a whole season of ... not being excited
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JP Barry on Quinn Hughes - Donnie and Dhali
Transcript below cut
Speaking of Quinn, first of all, JP, all-world player, like, not only are they talking Norris, they're talking Hart for Quinn Hughes.
Talk about his season and it's just been a season for the ages.
Yeah, Quinn just seems to get better and better. I think he, you know, it's his intelligence and the way he sees the game. He sees it at a different pace than everyone else and you combine that with his skills and how comfortable he is on the blue line, kind of being the quarterback of a power play or pressure.
He's just, yeah, it's all about, he's a very cerebral player and he's really hitting new heights. I'm really, we're all really excited for him. He's, it's really great to see.
Okay, JP, a lot of people in this city worried he's gonna bolt down to go play with his brothers in New Jersey in two years. Should people be concerned, JP?
No, no, I don't, I think, I think people should settle down. It's a long way away and let him play. Like, he's, he, you know, he loves being a Canuck.
He's been given every role and he's happy so, like, let's just get this team going strong and that'll take care of itself.
JP, is he having trouble staying positive this season, Quinn?
Yeah, I think, I mean, I mean, he's, it hasn't affected his play, but I think he wants, you know, he wants the team to have results more than himself personally and, you know, if your room's not right, then it affects everyone, including the leadership.
So he, you know, he, I think this, this whole thing could, you know, go to another level here for him and he'll feel more comfortable with the room and we can just move forward. So, I look for a really good finish.
JP, we see the large brace on Quinn's hand. We know he missed the game on Sunday after suffering a lower body injury in Dallas. What can you tell us about his health?
Just bumps and bruises. He's working through it. It's nothing, nothing serious.
He's just got, you know, it's just the rigors of a hard season and he just wants to play and he plays a lot of minutes and he's, you know, he's a target for people.
So he's going to have to play through those things and the odd day he'll be a wreck like he had here and I think it'll help him. He'll be right back.
Okay. So one of the stories going around in Vancouver is speculation and believe it or not, here in Vancouver, once in a while, the media and the fans speculate, JP. But with that, with that rest, any chance he takes a pass on the Four Nations?
No, I don't see that. I think he wants to go and I think he's, I think it's just bumps and bruises. It's nothing serious and he wants to be ready and he wants to play at that level and, you know, it's important to him. It's important to the game and I don't think it's going to affect the team at all.
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How i think arcane s2 fumbled Viktor. Coming from a disabled person
Not proofread we die like all my favorite characters
As previously mentioned, I struggle with chronic pain. I have POTs and probably EDS now that I think about it, and I use a cane on bad days since at times walking long distances is very painful
I started watching arcane shortly after discovering my own disability and I was SO happy to see a well represented disabled character, guess who my favorite character is (hard mode)
Anytime there’s someone with a physical disability represented in modern media, they’re never allowed to just… be disabled, casually. Yes disability massively affects and changes one’s live immensely, but it’s not the only all-encompassing trait of their personality. A lot of the time when I see a disabled character, they’re just there to be disabled. They don’t get a character arc outside of their disability… or much of a personality either (9 times out of 10 their usually always paralyzed in a wheelchair too, but that’s a different conversation)
And sometimes having a characters arc revolve around a disability is acceptable, but it’s not ok to have a token disabled character and do nothing else with their plot line. Disability is allowed to be a part of their story, but it doesn’t have to be the whole story. Make your disabled characters people with a disability, not a blank slate token character.
And that’s why I was so pleased with Viktor in season one. He exists With his disability, not despite it. It was very refreshing to a character have a very defined personality and purpose outside being a token disabled character. Yes of course his disability is a huge part of his story, but it’s not the entire story.
Now how did s2 fumble?
In s1 I think viktors descent into illness was well written, I was kind of expecting his disability to be a big part of his overall character arc in the first place (as it so often is) but in s2 I feels like the writers almost forgot that Viktor was dying of cancer … not trying to perfect himself
I was so excited to see what s2 did with his character arc, and I just ended up.. disappointed. On surface level i loved Jesus!viktor just as much as the next fan, but when you dig deeper into his story it felt so icky
Whenever a disabled person is represented, not only does their character arc revolve around disability, it has to revolve around “fixing” said disability. And a big pattern I see is many character arcs having an undertone of radical acceptance. I.e “you where never broken, you just needed to accept yourself” “you just need to love your disability as a part of you”
No… you don’t have to love the part of you that’s actively causing you pain and lowering your quality of life, or actively killing you like Viktors terminal illness.
Self acceptance with disability is all fine and dandy, but it is SO overplayed and overwritten. You’re allowed to be frustrated with your disability, and learn to move past it.
The big point is Viktor was never trying to “perfect” himself in s1, he was trying to live.
In s2 they took the idea of Viktor working to cure his terminal illness and ran with it. They blew his arc so wildly out of proportion until he literally became a god obsessed with “perfecting” all of humanity.
And that just felt.. icky. It didn’t feel like Viktor. The Viktor in s1 had a dream of helping his people, of using his creations to uplift everyone! He never would have wanted to force all of humanity into “evolving” without their consent. And do not even get me STARTED on how he completely lost his autonomy to the hexcore, and in turn took it from so many people. That deserves a post on its own
I was so excited for the arcane writers to do something creative with his character arc, but no. Once again a disabled character fell victim to their entire arc being about fixing their disability, only to end with radical self love and acceptance
And the thing is I could get behind an arc of Viktor healing! He deserves to heal and live his life happy and healthy, but to me and him all of a sudden obsessed with “perfection” felt completely out of left field
I think my biggest problem with season 2 overall is that it lost sight of the entire theme of the show. Season one was a beautiful statement about classism, segregation, and how differently it affects people. It was representing real world problems on a scale we could understand. And the best part about s1 was that everyone on the main cast was relatively morally grey, they were humans who had realistic flaws, and made mistakes.
Nobody was shoved into a traditional “good guy/bad guy” box, and that made the show feel so much more real.
S2 was rushed, and for some reason the writers said “actually never mind, we’re going to bend everyone’s morals out of proportion so we can have a big bad villian we all fight at the end”
It had an overwhelming undertone of “forgive your oppressors so we can come together against a common enemy” which felt like a massive slap in the face to everyone who’s actually experience the classism and poverty that arcane represented in s1
I think so many of the problems with s2 could have been fixed or at least explained in detail if we got a s3. I understand as a writer myself that would have been a long, and expensive process that the arcane producers weren’t willing to go through. But I can’t help but mourn the story we could have had if the writers were just allowed to spend more time on it.
Overall, I could write an essay picking apart every tiny detail of arcane in general, so I’ll stop here. I just needed to get this rant out in writing and out of my head, I’m so insanely disappointed and mildly insulted with how the arcane writers treated Viktor, who had such potential
Feel free to share your opinions or completely disagree with me in the comments, please be kind as this is just my humble analysis and opinion.
#arcane#arcane netflix#arcane league of legends#arcane league of lesbians#arcane jayvik#arcane viktor#viktor league of legends#the machine herald#viktor arcane#arcane rant#rant post#arcane critical#arcane analysis
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MY TORTURED DRIVERS DEPARTMENT VOL. X ⸻ MIDNIGHTS A Formula 1 fics compilation based on Taylor Swift's songs from Midnights
This compilation will include short stories about all Formula 1 drivers (current of retired) of your choice. To request one, just send me a message on my Tumblr inbox with the driver you want me to write about alongside the song that will inspire the fic. The ones in bold are already chosen and will be written as soon as possible <3
These works will be driver x reader and will be, mostly, written fics and SMAU.
Taglist is open for all of you who want to join me in my very own tortured drivers department! Just let me know in the comments!
© VETTELSVEE (2025). please, do not steal, copy or translate my works. thanks for reading!
1. MAROON Sebastian Vettel x Best friend!Reader ⋆ SMUT You knew you were in love with each other, but maybe going too quickly just because you wanted to be more than just friends is what takes to lose you
2. ANTI-HERO Driver of your choice x Driver teammate!Reader Your team isn't as strong as you thought it would be with him, but after seeing the news, everything is being said about you and, specially, after a meeting with your team to discuss you leaving before the season even ends, make you realize that, definitely, you're the problem
3. YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN, KID Kimi Raikkonen x Driver!Reader (requested by anon!) You worked hard all your life to be exactly where you were at: winning races, fighting for championships and making your own name. You lost many people all those years, focused entirely on your career, but when your father dies you realize that you're alone in this world. You decide not to tell anyone, but when he sees you crying on the airport, you can't keep it anymore and realize that, after everything, you're on your own
4. VIGILANTE SHIT Spy!Driver of your choice x Ex girlfriend spy!Reader ⋆ SPY AU You were his everything, but now you're his worst nightmare. After finding out he was the real reason behind you being found guilty of crimes you didn't commit, you decide to disappear just to plan a revenge to make his life a living hell
5. BIGGER THAN THE WHOLE SKY Sebastian Vettel x Pregnant wife!Reader You were highly excited to be parents, but stress has you going like crazy. After feeling a bit off for a few days, a light bleeding makes you panic and, maybe, Seb was right: he should have protected you from the media so you wouldn't have lost your baby
6. HIGH INFIDELITY Boyfriend!Oscar Piastri x Teacher!Sebastian Vettel x Student!Reader ⋆ SMUT / UNIVERSITY AU You were dating Oscar, but just because you found him cute, nice, and a way to, somehow, not being alone... until you decided to give your favourite university a chance
7. DEAR READER Max Verstappen x Best friend writer!Reader After experimenting writer's block for a while, an idea comes to your mind when you start spending way too much time with your best friend: a story based on what you're wildest dreams with him
#formula 1#f1#f1 x reader#sebastian vettel x reader#lewis hamilton x reader#oscar piastri x reader#lando norris x reader#mick schumacher x reader#george russell x reader#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 imagine#charles leclerc x reader#max verstappen x reader#carlos sainz x reader#taylor swift#f1 fic#formula 1 smau#f1 smau#my tortured drivers department#midnights
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What are your thoughts on Wincest? Do you have any hcs?
oooh I'm excited for this! good opportunity for me to clarify some things if anyone is new around here or just curious
if you're here for the short version, I'm definitely a wincest respecter but not necessarily a wincest shipper
if you're here for the long and more nuanced version, please read on!
I have a lot friends both here and irl who are wincesties, but the most important thing for me is that they love and defend sam. I've read wincest fics and the presence of wincest is not a deal-breaker in fics, but I prefer reading gen sam and dean on the whole. it's fun to analyze something in the show with the wincest lens on, but I can just as easily take it off. ultimately wincest is not the only version of sam and dean that I find compelling, but I don't really care if people view some of my posts as wincest (wincesties, please do interact) because I only say what I think and feel regarding the brothers. idk does that technically make me a wincest shipper? maybe some people will think it does, but ultimately I feel like the nonshipper label fits better
now I'm gonna get on my soapbox about proshipping for a moment. back in the day, what we think of as "proshipping" was just called common courtesy. I'm not saying fandom was perfect when I was younger (and I was probably too young to be in fandom then if I'm being honest) but in my experience people were more respectful about ships they didn't like, understood the difference between fiction and reality, and for the most part didn't make assumptions about people irl for things they enjoyed in fiction
of course I'm not saying you have to ship incest or want to interact with people who do, but it's crucial to curate your own space. coming on here or twitter and harassing people for shipping wincest and/or crying in the main tags about how disgusting it is just makes me lose respect for you. block what you don't want to see and move on
I will also say that being so against others shipping incest and finding yourself in the supernatural fandom is kind of a problem you created. it's kind of, well, extremely silly. wincest is the oldest ship in this fandom, like literally as old as the pilot itself, and was instrumental in first getting the show off the ground (i.e. not cancelled). also given the very not normal relationship between sam and dean, the other gothic horror elements present in the show, and the way the writers and actors regard the ship, it really should be no surprise that it is so popular
okay so now that I've gotten all of that out of the way, I'm going to address the other part of this ask, which is wincest headcanons! I don't know if these are necessarily headcanons, but it is the way I prefer my wincest when I think about it or imagine how it fits in with canon:
I definitely don't imagine them as like boyfriends, just more of what they are in the show, brothers with a complicated, intense, and abusive relationship (it being complicated does not mean you cannot call abuse what it is). I think their relationship having a sexual component would not help anything and would probably just further highlight the power imbalance present
related to above, I think dean would use sex the way he uses love and affection in canon, expertly alternating between being generous with it and withdrawing it when he's angry as means to manipulate sam and have him constantly chasing after the affection. and trust. trust especially. sometimes dean isn't even aware he's doing it (or would at least tell himself that's not what he's doing to his darling little sammy), but it's extremely effective either way. seasons 4, 5, and 8 especially would be delicious in this regard
in s7 there was a point where sex was one of the only things that kept hallucifer at bay, so sam was always torn between shaking dean awake multiple times a night in their motel rooms or handling it on his own. ultimately because I think he didn't want to "burden" dean with his visions or have them both lacking sleep all the time, he would lie and pretend that one or two times a night made lucifer go away. it became harder to pretend as we approached 7x17, and after sam "let lucifer in" in 7x15, the sex trick stopped working too. also hallucifer eavesdropping or appearing over dean's shoulder as they're having sex is very appealing to me
dean is the dom. I really can't see that any other way
dean doesn't see what he does with sam as any reflection of his sexuality, aka "it's not gay and it's not incest it's just sammy." sam probably would see it as some kind of reflection of his sexuality but wouldn't see the point in voicing that
dean was experiencing attraction to sam for a while beforehand, but I don't think they began messing around until sam was a teenager. maybe it wasn't like full blown sex then, but it was definitely something. I think a bit of precedent just adds something fun to s1, especially with dean coming to get sam in the pilot and how they interact, all that time apart, and sam's grief and guilt/dean's guilt surrounding jessica
I hope you enjoyed and found something compelling in here! I am certainly no wincest connoisseur, but these are my opinions
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Hi, sorry to be anon, but can I ask to see the Vargas family post trick or treating? Divying the goods, or just being tired from the event? Thank you and Happy Halloween!
Day 30 - Fine, but you're taking nightmare duty
#Requestober#My art#Vargas#Scriabin#Edgar#Todd#Shmee#Called it on being late today lol - not bad for the first (and hopefully last!) of the season tho!#Also no prob on the anon :) As long as you're following the rules it's all good! Anon's there for a reason <3#And Happy (Almost) Halloween! :D#They're back from Trick Or Treat! Edgar and Scriabin in this year's featured costumes haha <3#Once again refusing to show them outside the apartment lol it's just a reliable setpiece!#And since I didn't get any ISaT reqs this time around I decided to throw in a reference myself lol#Toddfrin hehe little guy <3#The adults are very tired from all the running around - Scriabin especially haha his lack of impulse control and being new#Looks like he managed to keep his costume on the whole night tho good for him ♪#Even exhausted he's still going to find some way to poke at Edgar just his nature haha#Todd was going to listen! He's a good kid <3#We all know there's no way Scriabin's getting up after all the excitement haha barely holding onto the back of the couch#We'll just have to pretend Todd gets perfect sleep and nothing spooky happens :') It could pan out that way! Maybe!#I always enjoy this midway-to-chibi style hehe it's cute! But still a little lanky#Little bit quicker and good and cute ♪ Enjoyable
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picturing Velvette huddled up on a Hell doorstep 2 hours after she arrived making a list of possible ways to get some power as quickly as possible on a bloodstained cellphone she took off a corpse and it's like
create startup, get aqui-hired
become first hellfluencer
sugar daddy?
startup + collab with a celebrity for more attention
celebrity boyfriend?
become already powerful couple's third, profit
actually find people to work with who respect and value my skills and me as a person <- this one is a joke
and then a year later she's in bed, awake after vox and val have nodded off for once, looking at mockups of the Vee tower design on her phone, and brings up the old list for just a minute to cross everything else out and write in 'all of the above???'
#YES IT'S BEING SAPPY ABOUT VELVETTE AND POLYVEES HOURS#in my headcanon she crashlanded in Hell juuuuust after the extermination happened and/or during the tail end of it#and it was both a curse and a blessing in clawing together her first tiny power base#because there's a lot up for grabs! but it's basically like being hired in retail during holiday season#but that's one of the reasons that usually hanging out during exterminations is one of her favorite activities#it's a potent reminder of how much power and safety she's gained#anyway i just love how Velvette is so 110% for her boys and their mutual brand the fact she has a#'<3' i.e 'V3' phone case kills me among other things#to me she seems like someone who dealt with being unappreciated her whole life so being part of this#powerful flashy exciting thing she shaped and getting attention not only online but from her clearly appreciative#*carmilla carmine voice* colleagues#hits her hard. ok i need to shut up and make velvette psychology/past headcanons a different post sometime#hazbin velvette#hazbin hotel velvette#poly vees#polyvees#polyamorvee#happy days in hell (hazbin tag)
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this was kinda the worst episode out of the entire series tbh simply because of the pacing. i liked the episode, but it was all over the place. they tried to tie in all the lose ends in 50 minutes, and that just wasn’t possible. louis being imprisoned, then released, losing his mind, recovering, AND burning down the theater and killing santiago, all in the span of like 5 minutes, the whole louis/lestat/armand scene, daniel exposing armand, loumand divorcing (that was so underwhelming, esp after 2x05, like, i needed these bitches to have a proper verbal argument, i needed them to be AT EACH OTHER’S THROATS), armand turning daniel (offscreen, cause they didn’t have time to get into all that, cause like… no way it was that simple lol there were too many devil’s minion hints throughout both seasons), louis flying to nola, reuniting with lestat (they have far too long and complex a history for it to be resolved so quickly, it would’ve been far more meaningful had it been done right), daniel publishing his book (compiling, writing, editing, publishing it AND selling 4-5 million copies must have taken a lot of time, so time jump, i guess?)… just by typing this out, it’s too much, way too much to cover in a single episode. the hectic pace left me unsatisfied and it also left a lot of room for plot holes (no more unreliable narrators now, cause the interview is done). idk i think they really should’ve split this into two episodes, at least. one of the things that i really admired about this show was the pace. in season 1, they managed to cover 3 decades in the span of only 7 episodes, while simultaneously showing us what was happening in dubai in 2022, and it never felt rushed. season 2’s pacing was still amazing and satisfying, up until this episode. idk man… i hope this doesn’t happen again, cause it really left a bitter taste in my mouth, and it was the finale, so my expectations were high.
#iwtv spoilers#interview with the vampire#love this show it’s absolutely my favorite#and i liked the episode but it was so fucking rushed i got whiplash from it#too many plot points being resolved in such a way is bound to leave people unsatisfied#now that the excitement has dwindled down i can put this into words lol#i know loustat are the main characters i know they will get the best storylines and the most screen time OKAY.#but armand was a major character this season and i don’t like how his motivations were left unexplored#like… wasn’t the whole point of the trial to get rid of claudia so he could have louis all to himself?#but now he’s ready to let him die?#and turning daniel ‘out of spite’ when just 2 episodes ago it was established that the idea repulses him to this day?#armand is an incredibly complex and interesting character why did they dumb him down like this lmao#i’m still expecting a devil’s minion centric ep next season so all of this will get resolved#and they’re one of the most popular ships in tvc so i guess our chances are good#loustat’s reunion was rushed and kinda not rushed at the same time like… i’m glad it happened cause it was a satisfying conclusion#but fuck me they have such a long history filled with beautiful AND terrible things#and they resolved all of that in like 7 minutes? after almost 80 years? okay i guess…#but yeah… to conclude the pacing of this ep really threw me off i hope next season doesn’t have an episode like this
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#probably my last sunny walk at home :(#keeeeellll meeeee#i think one of the things i hate about going back to uni is not being able to experience autumn and winter at home like i used to#it’s weird because i’ve always loved them and considered them my favourite seasons.#but last year (and now this year) i’m realizing that oh! i think it’s because i got to come home after a long day and be in a safe familiar#space. and at uni everything is still a bit unfamiliar and not very comforting so the long cold days get so much harder#but i will surviveeeeeee#counting on gilmore girls to get me through it!! and also love is blind s7. i LOVE having things to look forward to every week it makes tim#fly by so fast. last yr every friday night was reserved for me and i ate frozen pizza or takeout and/or my favourite snacks and#watch my comfort films :( i cooked a lot those nights too 2 save money but yeah. it was rlly nice to have that comfy safe time to myself#i think it rlly got me thru uni.#ik it’s gonna be so hard to get back into a routine but im trying to tell myself that i need to like. focus on the basics first. adulting#can be so hard & i wanna do everything at once! i wanna b perfect in all areas. always do my hobbies. etc etc but i#i couldnt even get out of bed to make myself meals sometimes 💔 so i need to like remember if i don’t journal or read a whole book in a day#not the end of the world. and most importantly i need to be EATING and staying active and SLEEPING FIRST and foremost cause then hopefully#i won’t feel like a zombie.#okay anyways.#feeling sad feeling tired feeling unmotivated but also feeling a teensy bit excited for finally BEING ALONE!!!!#i have my cardiologist appt tmrw so maybe that’s why i feel so yuck also. just thinking abt it makes me wanna throw up#i hope everything goes well#anyways bye bye#♡ dear diary…
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#brooo how do you join small fandoms that operate as established friend groups as a newcomer I've only been on the “establishing” end 😭#like toku//twt is so hostile save for certain mutual circles idk how to integrate myself anywhere#doesn't help that I've had no energy for drawing lately to maybe get ppl to interact first#maybe I should try do smth for the next gavv episode...#I would like to just talk to ppl directly but I've only watched 2 seasons and am shy. plus there's so many random rude ppl#that many accs limit replies anyway. fuck my stupid Baka life#I crave... human connection XO *dies of embarrassment*#I'll just try posting more w keywords for now#I don't wanna start too many new kr seasons if I can't discuss them w ppl while doing so cause the excitement is too much to be alone w#in the meantime I might pick up android kikaider after finishing w tho so I have smth to do#plus I've been meaning to get into showa era toku anyway that was like... the whole point originally#man this reminds me of how I need to interact w spg more too. I have so many cool spg moots I'm in a limbo between coexisting and wanting t#befriend#aauadhkf the mortifying ideal of being knownnn#psii.txt
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And so the big sskk shortage begins (no sskk for the next 15 episodes) (and the sskk episode coming after kind of sucks)
#Hhhhhh this is such a good episode.#I don't have any particular strong feeling for Fukuzawa nor Ranpo but this is a very good episode.#The pacing is great the tension and ease are well distributed as much as action and exposition are.#The animation is spectacular and detailed. The drawings beautiful. The imperfect black and white is original‚ compelling and eyecatching#Truly something that shows the animators were given budget and enough time to really think it through. Please more of this#Off to more personal notes I clearly remember the moment in my dorm room I watched the bsd anime–#come back for the first time after three years and the reveal of the untold origins novel being adapted that came with it.#It's such a sweet memory. I was so so excited and happy and thinking back at it makes me :')#In love with Oda's voice please speak more baby#About voices Fukuzawa looks so younggggg and yet his voice is so deepppppppp it's a funny contrast ahah.#Fukuzawa was very pretty when he was younger.#Distributing countless papers on the floor of my childhood's house attic to order them to the point there was no space left to walk is–#something I actually used to do when I was little. That's a cute memory too. I've always liked organizing stuff lol#Seeing all the actors preparing in the backstage threw me back to my musical theater hyperfixation.#Theater backstage feels so familiar to me if only because I used to keep up with the actors' i/nstagram stories religiously pffttttt#I really like Oda.#Wish his life had a little more happiness in it. Wish Fukuzawa could have adopted him too. Wish he could have married Dazai.#Alas :///#Aight no Atsushi this episode (and no Akutagawa for a whole season God‚‚‚‚‚‚‚ ) but a lot more exciting things to come!!!!!#Oh almost forgot the op and ed songs are so good too hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#Actually I think I just might have a soft spot for everything s4 since it's the first season I witnessed as it was airing pffttt#random rambles#I probably need to find a better file to watch the season... So far I'm still using the old episodes I individually downloaded–#as the anime was dropping. Which technically are still 1080 mkv but idk I feel like the quality is not the best.#And the subtitles are suboptimal
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you know what? i'm gonna say it. i miss being seventeen. not for the "glory days," bc they weren't, by a country mile lol. if i had glory days i'd say they were in 2020. but i miss the electricity, the constant undercurrent of euphoria and deep plunging black. i miss the fight i had. i was literally known for being scrappy. i was self-destructive and coping poorly, but goddamn if i didn't burn bright and long. it took me until my twenties to finally start to fizzle out. does the candle with its wax melted down to the base of its glass cage miss when the wick was lit?
#she bork#it's not even that i'm tired of fighting necessarily. clearly. if i was i wouldn't miss it. i think i miss being ABLE to fight. now i just#don't feel like i have the grit i used to have. i'm not sure if it's bc i'm healthier mentally or bc my energy has just dissipated over time#but i miss taking hit after hit (metaphorically) and wiping the blood from my lip and standing again and raising my fists. i don't do that#anymore. and again even if it's bc i'm healthier i'm not sure it's a good thing that that stubbornness and grit is gone. is it automatically#better to seek the path of least resistance? i'm not sure.#maybe it's learned helplessness? idk i mean logically one person can only suffer so much before they learn it's better not to fight or that#fighting isn't even always possible. but i've always struggled. i've always gone head-first into these things and white-knuckled it and made#it through even if only w self-violence (which was often remarked upon as self-discipline). now i feel like i just flounder and flop and cry#like a fish w a wailing voice on the dock as it loses its breath. i really do think it's partially bc i'm sane now but somewhere inside me#that crazy flame still dances. and ik that bc from time to time i still feel the heat against the sides of the glass. maybe it's a lack of#confidence. maybe it's that ik now that it's impossible to hate yourself into a different better shape (both physically and mentally). but#it was so exciting to try. if i'm miserable regardless i'd at least rather be having fun.#furthermore it could also be that my chaos is no longer external. a lot of what i have going on is internal/physical and it's a daily thing.#fighting daily is a lot harder than fighting through my shitty relationship or that one season of volleyball that destroyed me mentally lol#(ik that sounds ridiculous but it was pretty fucking bad). i'm no longer fighting against other people or external circumstances that i feel#a need to prove myself against. i'm fighting my own body which has proven a tougher match than anticipated. bc how can i? i live here. i#cannot will my body to function. i can swim against the currents of my illness and often do. but that's less glamorous than punching walls#and running for miles like i used to. i want to break a hand. i want to run three miles in half an hour. i want to doll myself up for a#dance and spend the whole night driving w the windows down strung out on a cocktail of cortisol and dopamine. i want to live in the eye of#the hurricane again. and i never will. and it's good but i think it's made me soft.
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I cannot even imagine what it would be like to start watching supernatural after it ended.. how do you have the strength??
#Every time I see people say they started after 2020 i just go ??????#I mean I admire the strength but I don’t know how I would react to this show#if I didn’t make it the foundation of my personality at 13 years old#and I don’t know how I would have made it through the whole thing#if I didn’t have like cons and stuff to keep me excited#lea speaks#Also this is not me being gatekeepy I just cannot fathom seeing a show with 15 seasons and going .. yeah I’ll watch that
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SaB season 2 spoilers (in the tags as well)
Kirigan’s grisha army watching him kill a whole camp with one sweep of the Cut in ep.6
(Vatra, the inferni, straight up saying “it’s like the earth ate them up” after that like damn girl)
#Excuse the blurry photo I thought this would be funny#sab spoilers#shadow and bone netflix#shadow and bone season 2#aleksander morozova#Nah but that scene surprised me because I knew he was powerful#But damn…he’s fucking powerful#No seriously though I really did like seeing their POVs because they just feel more like ppl to me.#Watching Vatra getting all excited cause she hit the ship kinda made me laugh in a morbid way#David being mortified that Kirigan cut off Baghra’s finger and leaving vs Vladim wanting to explore its amplifier possibilities more#I dunno it’s understanding both sides because I hate what they’re doing but I can see wanting to go ape shit after the First Army camps#And I love how they want to follow him because they just want to. They see what he does and they’re fine with it.#Which is my favorite kind of “evil henchmen” in stories. The ones who follow because they want to#It’s also just fun watching them commit atrocities the way they were so ready to take the orphanage like damn#Kirigan: *kills a whole camp*#His grisha: YESSS SLAY KING
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i love the people that hate The Mandalorian for reasons that are completely correct but like. many people are just here to support Pedro Pascal (some are here to see a father and son bond), personally I don't care if the show is dog shit. (Tho the reasons not to watch are fair and if it weren't for Pedro I'd honestly not be watching season 3 after the lame ass storyline with Luke and then just getting Grogu back right away. literally worst fanservice I have ever seen and I watch anime. I mean i loved the Luke vs Dark troopers fight but everything Grogu related between the end of s2 and the start of s3 🤢. I mean they really made a plot that they had to clean up the mess of in another character's show, taking a whole episode away from my sweet baby Boba. Nooooooo sir. I will hunt them down for that honestly.).
#the fucking space whales have me wheezing tho. Like girl. GIRL. YOU ARE DOING TOO MUCH WE ARE 5 MINUTES INTO THE FUCKING SHOW. DO WE NEED#THIS RIDICULOUSLY OBVIOUS FORSHADOWING. NO. WE DONT. DO IT ON THE SECOND EPISODE OR SOMETHING!!! GIVE ME A BREAK.#Anyway despite the most obvious foreshadowing I've seen in my life; I can't wait til we get to it! 😝#I'm annoyed but I'm excited. I need them to stop being sloppy af now tho. The half baked Luke BS is over let's get on with the storyline.#Whoever came up w/ the Luke bs ruined a perfectly good storyline they had going. idc if it was necessary. it was done sloppy as hell.#ok my rant is over. we get it we get it. all SW fans hate SW. but how can you not after Andor. Andor ended Star Wars' whole career.#E..Ez....[redacted]. I could feel him in the air tonight.#the mandalorian#the mandalorian s3#the mandalorian season 3
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girl help. secret life bigb. i am thinking about him again.
#space rambles#really really really excited to see where his character goes next season#i’ll be honest i am kinda banking on shit (shit being his abandonment issues) never getting better at this point#it just. it feels like it can’t happen#the heart foundation was THE BEST CASE SCENARIO for him in secret life. and he still outlived them. he was still so alone#and maybe i’m wrong and he’ll be better next season idk i can’t see the future#but he is just caught in this constant cycle of reaffirming his worst fears#i think it might be possible for him to start getting better after he wins#because then he will probably stop outliving all his teammates#since he won’t be trying to make it to the end as hard#BUT that’s not the whole thing#he also needs to. yknow. get allies who care about him#and there are members of the server who will probably never be his allies (scott. cleo. potentially lizzie.)#and so many of the ones who might be are. at least a bit scared of him after last season#it’s just. as bigb’s issues gets worse the more this becomes visible to the group at large#and obviously. for content reasons. SOMEONE will ally with him. probably#actually i can’t say that we’ve had our fair share of loners#he won’t be totally isolated people will TALK to him but allys are never guaranteed#so maybe no one will. and maybe he’ll ve another lonely winner#but holy shit i can’t even begin to anticipate the consequences if that’s how he wins#i really really need him to have some good allies that he can win with#or that he can not outlive but who try their best to keep him alive#like truly i think that is the only way to start seeing the light#am i making sense. who knows. it’s 3 am. i am ill#about bigb. not in general
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I read your last few personal posts and I just wanted to say I am SO happy you're in a better situation 💜 I hope you take care and that the next few months are kind to you
Thank you :') 💙 It's all very exciting. I have a home now and a bed, and I have my cat back. And I can just... Go grab food whenever I want??? And it's safe?? It's wild. Adjusting is weird. I feel a bit like a feral animal learning how to not be feral.
But I think I'm going to be really happy here.
Thank you for messaging me 💙It made me really happy
#asks#anon#i also have my art tablet back so thats hype#it still doesnt feel real tbh#ive dreamed of this my whole life#i need to learn how to do a lot of things that most people consider normal so thats an interesting/kinda funny thing going on#and being able to go outside whenever i want!! i love the outdoors#i was mostly stuck in one room for over a decade so even just having more than one room to be in is so freeing#and i dont need to be sneaky to get around#it blows my mind that most people have this much freedom and that this is normal#and food!!! i dont need to ration anymore#im so happy#OH and cooking! Im used to grabbing what i can and eating it cold/raw. eating warm food makes me so happy i could cry#plus im actually pretty good at cooking#oh and spices! i love using spices so much. the food i grew up with was....very gross. no seasoning ever. barely even salt#and there was always a good chance itd make me sick because my parents thought i was lying about allergies#they believed one (1) of them because they tricked me into eating it to be like “ha! gotcha!” but then i almost needed the hospital so#they sure believed me after that#im rambling too much whoops im just really excited and having a place to talk about it is nice
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