#admittedly im not very consistent myself but

[scootarooni]

things nobody asked for: Comet vs standard V2 Miki comparison

[cheap-jumpscare]

ranting abt being kanade yoisaki.... if ur uncomfy with doubles, scroll away !!!!!!!1

raghhhhh i need white hair and my hair needs 2 be straight n long...... sighs. i already have blue eyes n im already extremely pale so thumbs up but ugh. i shld be skinnier too and that is related :|

i cant tell if im fickin or not but i rlly do wish i looked like. me? ive even always ACTED like me. im just. Kanade Yoisaki. this is the one "just like me fr.." character that's been CONSISTENT.

i was watching a video essay my meowtual Vriska made and SIGHS yeah. its >here< btw pls watch it. very good art and a very cool survey !!

^ but in relation to that I had a mini realization sorta. if i am a kanade fictionkin then i AM just Kanade. there would be no seperation between me and Kanade Yoisaki. if i AM fictionkind then I wouldn't be a "kanade kinnie" id BE kanade. just like how Vriska's whole video is about how fickind tend to suppress their identity to be more palatable. its just so hard to figure out if i AM fickindddd :|

and even then i dont feel like id be exactly like 'canon' me. id be different. id have several traits and such that i always have said I 'headcanon' Kanade with. maybe thats just me bein a bit Sillymode but urghfghg.

im just like i am in the game. i dont go outside regularly because the sun hurts my eyes, bright lights in general suck (though this may just be because my eyes are a lighter color- qwant it its weird), im very serious about music and i do believe it CAN save people, im not very good at personal hygiene and yet inexplicably im considered ~generally~ attractive by, at the very least, my parents. I've mentioned all that before, though. Plus preferring online school.

another thing i want to say bc i feel like it. everytime i see anyone else who's also a character i Am (ex, someone else who's Kanade) i dont ever get bothered. bc my brain rationalizes it through 'multiverse theory.' TL;DR 'doubles' dont bother me because i believe in infinite alternate realities and that if someone else is also kanade then they're just a kanade from an alternate reality. does that make sense?

i still feel a disconnect between the kanade in prosekai and myself- the kanade i am. enough to where i can refer to her in the 3rd person comfortably. im not the same as her. there's differences, I can feel them. ill just refer to Kanade in the game as 'canon!kana'/'canon!me' because that's easiest;

the biggest difference between us is that, well, canon!me is human. she also isn't explicitly trans in any direction, and is also a hard worker. all of that is stuff that doesnt apply. im trans- im queer in every sense of the word. every inch of my identity is a little weird, a little 'out of the norm.' No part of me can be easily described to a lot of people. I do know, thankfully, that people in the real world can be accepting. My Nana supports xenogenders and she's in her early 70s. Granted, I am her main source of information on neurodivergency and queer identity, but I'm able to unbiasedly explain terms and gently guide her in the right direction. I would feel safe in admitting I am not human, and do not like physically being so. I'm lazy- admittedly due to depressive symptoms, but I do not like work. I generally just hate having to do physical activity- even just in-general work. The reason I'm almost-failing all of my classes in highschool is because I hate working for more than a few minutes at a time, especially consecutively.

Of course, I will say I am not a person who really experiences delusions. That isn't to say those who do are lesser or that I'm better- it's just a simple fact. I specify that because this is the 'piss on the poor' website. I can seperate my physical body right now as I physically am from my possible fictionkinnity- at this current moment I am (at the very least biologically) not a shapeshifter like I often call myself. I am human, I am biologically a perisex female, etc. I don't like to see myself like that. I am Uta, yes. But Uta isn't a human. Uta is Kanade Yoisaki. Uta is a shapeshifter. In some way or another, I am nonhuman- or otherwise 'different.' I always have been.

idk. im just kanade. i dont properly know what i mean by it, other than. well. I Am Kanade. and that's really all there is to it.lon

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi,

is it possible to orgasm just from your hands/fingers? every time i try it doesn’t feel like anything.. as if im trying to tickle myself. i don’t want to get a vibrator ‘cause im scared ill become reliant on it :( sometimes i feel bad cause people my age are making themselves finish. i think im broken. any tips will help.. thank u

hi anon,

in my heart of hearts I have to assume you already know the answer to the first question. humans have been jacking it for longer than we've even been humans, because even monkey brains know that touch genital feel good. there's evidence to suggest that human fetuses may begin touching their genitals for fun in utero, and tons of animals also masturbate - even these cute little guys!

and you know his rodent ass doesn't have a vibrator.

all of which is to say that the urge to crank it is a powerful and ancient one, and I simply can't believe that you believe that nobody was actually managing to nut until the vibrator was invented in the late 19th century (although that was, admittedly, hardly the first sex toy; there are dildos that are thousands of years old that can attest to that). I suspect the question really bothering you here isn't whether a hands-only orgasm is possible (obviously yes), but whether there's something wrong with you for not having been able to achieve such a thing.

the answer to that is obviously no; I can happily confirm right off the bat that you're not broken on the basis of your sexual function because that's not how that works. there's no singular mode of human sexuality that's the "normal" one that people should be afraid to stray too far away from; what's "normal" varies from person to person, frequently from day to day. what matters isn't being like other people, it's ensuring that you feel safe and comfortable in your own specific relationship with sex.

it seems that you're not at the moment, because of this orgasm insecurity, so I want to talk about that. first off: if your hands aren't cutting it, why not get a vibrator? you say you're scared of becoming reliant on it, but what's the alternative? never coming ever? bullshit. my brain chemistry doesn't naturally balance itself out very well, so I'm reliant on lexapro to be a functional fucking person. that shit's great. being reliant on things that categorically and harmlessly improves your quality of life rules, everybody should do it.

listen, man. everyone has different sexual needs. for some people, it's the intensity and consistency that can only be provided by a battery-powered assistant. I cannot tell you how many people have come to me expressing despair that they can't finish with a partner without also using a sex toy, as if that's not a totally fine thing to need or want. just use a vibrator it's literally fine it does not matter. we're all living on a melting rock ruled by capitalism, just use a vibrator if you want to and if your partner has a problem with it find a better partner.

also. hey. look at me. listen to me. an orgasm does not need to be the single defining factor of whether you're having a good and healthy sexual experience. go read this. I know you're not orgasming when you masturbate, but are you, like, enjoying yourself? does it feel good? because that's really the only thing that matters, and I want you to keep that in mind no matter what you decide to do next in your sexual journey. the point is to have fun, not to reliably produce an orgasm like clockwork.

anyway. you're not broken. get a vibrator if you want; I recommend this one for beginners. stop comparing yourself to others and be kind to yourself.

[cornrats]

news years resolution post. resolution seems too firm theyre more pretty loose goals. theyre not all that serious its just my way of reminding myself theres something i want to do. intention is to update every month to keep track of my progress. or lack of it. who knows what will occur.

read 26 books

last year the goal was 52 and for some reason i didnt read anything until december, so im halving it. i did read fifteen books in december so as long as i actually read for at least two months i should finish this up no biggie. 13 of those books were library books and i need to start working on all the books that i own because i dont really have room for all of them and im sure once read i wont keep most of them.

read in public once every two weeks

this has less to do with reading and more to do with trying to get myself to go to parks and such as that, i just feel like reading is an activity to do while there that isnt exercise which i would get self conscious about. every two weeks is really arbitrary, i just need to try to consistently do this. i think existing in public and also being outside is good for pretty self explanatory reasons and i want to try to explore more of my town on foot, which admittedly ive never really done.

watch 104 movies.

last year i watched 121 so this should be relatively easy. its two movies a week which is not an absurd amount by any means. historically speaking i wont do it this way and will instead watch like 30 movies in one month instead but its not necessary.

finish baldurs gate 3/one of the switch pokemon games

i have three pokemon games that ive played like three hours of each and i want to at least make an effort to finish one of them, same with baldurs gate. i dont finish most video games i buy and i dont buy enough of them for it to be a big deal but it does sort of make me feel bad and also i do like playing them, so i really wanna try and finish them.

visit all county historical plaques

this sounds fun and also i think itll be a good way to get myself exploring and paying more attention to the local area. theres only like 45 and most of them are clustered together so i think i could do this relatively easily in a handful of afternoons.

go to a live event once a month

ive been wanting to go to a ball game for more than a year and i just keep never getting around to it, so i really wanna try to get myself to go see shit. im not attached to sports, it could be any live event, but sports does seem the most plentiful and generally speaking i think id need to go out of state to see a comedy or music act that i like unless i deliberately go to one ive never heard of, which im not really keen on, because the thought of being at a comedy show i think isnt funny is a nightmare situation for me, and also ive never been to a live music event so i feel like i should at least be familiar for the first ones i go to.

general life improvement shit

i want to get a job that doesnt make me wanna kill myself. preferably with insurance, because i need new regular glasses and i want to get prescription sunglasses, which ive been wanting for nearly a decade and i just havent gotten yet for some reason, and also depending on how annoying it is it would probably be nice to get on anxiety medication for a bit. or maybe not. taking medication gives me anxiety so it might be a net zero gain. i also want to try to take some online classes at the community college cause ill get financial aid so i might as well slowly work my way to some sort of degree even if i dont really care about it.

new hobbies

i think i should get a record player and try to get into records, which is something ive been thinking about getting around to for like four years. i also really want to try to make a blanket[?], which i assume will be kind of shit ass, but it seems like a very approachable project in terms of someone basically new to fiber arts that will also find some sort of use in my house, its just a really time consuming one. everything else you can make is stuff that i dont want so i wouldnt make or its like clothes and that seems intimidating cause you gotta wear that shit outta the house. i also really want to try my hand at painting, i dont have any thought that ill be good at it but its something ive had in the back of my mind for a while so i want to give it a go at least a few times and see if i enjoy it.

[creature-crow]

If it’s not too much trouble, I’d like to take you up on your offer of hrt advice. I don’t really know where to start and I’d appreciate any help

yes of course!! i would love to help. Admittedly i don't have much advice to offer if you live in area that makes it more difficult to obtain it, since i was able to get mine pretty easily from an informed consent clinic. Ideally you'll also have one near enough you that you can go to. They're the simplest because you won't need any kind of support letter, you just have to listen to the effects and side effects of hrt and consent to it!

Someone has gone ahead and compiled a list of informed consent clinics, you can see if theres one near you : )

(primarily usa, i wouldn't know much about anything outside that myself srry)

For me, my clinic was very supportive. They simply told me what to expect and asked me what i was looking for results-wise and we went from there. If yours is unfortunately less so then don't be afraid to be assertive. Be clear on what you want out of hrt and that you accept the risks.

If you need info on hrt then here looks like a p good comprehensive starting point

I also searched around a lot on trans subreddits for other trans ppls experiences and recommendations. There's a lot of variability in how hrt can affect you so it's good to hear from other trans folks!

As for my personal experience starting hrt, i called my clinic and asked to set up an appointment for hrt care. This was a simple phone appt where they gave me the information on hrt and i reiterated my desire to go on it. I was prescribed hrt right away, but i had to also set up an appt. for a blood lab; you need to get a baseline of your levels before starting. Then you'll get another blood lab after three months, and depending on if it looks consistent it'll go to after six months then every year.

As for the actual prescription, i just started on a low dose of oral estrogen and spironolactone for my antiandrogen. They might prescribe the estrogen as oral but you can also take it sublingual, in fact that's what my prescriver encouraged. You can also look into other antiandrogens if you want, otherwise yeah spiro is the common one prescribed.

And I will say, if you do get on hrt, make sure to be aware of what levels you need/want to hit, and check for yourself what your levels are at when you get your test results. I wasnt quite hitting the right levels at first but i was nervous to say anything. but that meant i was on too low a dose at first, and nobody said anything ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

now im on a higher spiro dose and my t levels are actually reduced to the right level. So! advocate for yourself always. And if you want to change to say patches or gel or shots, set up another appointment to ask for it. Some doctors might have certain gripes against one form or another but it's your choice and you should be firm with it.

and if where you live there aren't any good clinics/hrt is gatekept, don't be afraid to look into diyhrt! Just be sure to check your local laws on it, and read up on what medical risks to keep an eye out for! there are some good resources online, but again im not the best resource for that.

I hope this helps! Feel free to message me if need any more info or help : ) and if anyone else has more info, esp with regards to working with clinics that aren't informed consent, please feel free to chime in!

we all gotta help each other <3

[sphnyspinspin]

Hiiiii guys…

Uhh…so…my brain has been sort of….wacky—you could even say silly—at the moment.

I’ve been like SUPER distracted as of lately, but not for the reason that you might think. Since I haven’t communicated with ANY of my mutes as of late, and with the lack of #sphny speaks (𖦹<𖦹)•*°⊹ posts giving small updates about how I’m doing, I’ve admittedly, accidentally, forgotten that I had a tumblr for a sec. BUT IM BACK, AND EVERYTHING’S AWESOME AGAIN DONT WORRY!

…

So I’ve been thinking about, maybe, switching things up around here. And what I mean by that is… I may or may not be considering turning this blog into a multi-fandom sort of thing. I’ve been feeling a bit bold, a little silly, even a little goofy, but best rest assured I’m still very much the same Sphny you all know and love ;3.

Now that that’s out there, I kinda wanna show you guys art of my persona—SO HERE YOU GO!

The reason I’m saying this is because right now I’m thinking about getting back into the Minecraft fandom—NOT THE MCYT FANDOM—the Minecraft lore-ish fandom. Well, I mean I do watch snid-bits of Hermitcraft, Life Series, and old Minecraft lore recaps—and I know that doesn’t help my case like, at all.

What I’m trying to say is that I’ve been wanting to get into other fandoms, but have been a little bit scared to considering Transformers in general has pretty much changed, and saved, my life. I’m not so much as making this out to be an update post, but more like an official personal marker about how I treat my new hyperfixations from now on without being concerned about continuity and consistency. Which honestly felt like a lingering limit I unknowingly set for myself without bothering to look into why I set it in the first place.

So 👏 see ya when I get other stuff done—BYYYYEEE!

[iceunhie]

admittedly very late but have some questions for the ask game !! it's ok if u don't answer them all

- Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process?  How do you come up with titles?

- What area of writing do you feel strongest in?

- What area of writing do you want to improve in?

- What’s your favorite fic you’ve posted?

- Who is your favorite character to write for?  Has this changed since you’ve started writing for that fandom?

- Have you noticed any patterns in your fics?  Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

- What are your favorite fics at the moment?

- Do you have any writing advice you want to share?

[ ask game here! come and drop a question, i don't bite :3 ]

- do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? how do you come up with titles?

my writing process is literally just an entire random wheel dictating the typing of my fingers on the screen, but fic titling often goes two ways.

usually, when i write a oneshot, i title the fic after the writing process. that way, the title feels authentic and doesn't really stray from the plot i established. i also do this because i get too focused on the plot to bother titling things 😞

for multi-character fiction/headcanons, i tend to pre-write the title after i've mapped out a general plot ☺️ i enjoy titling things prettily and formatting so it's not surprising that that is the direction i lean towards

- what area of writing do you feel strongest in?

HOOHHH boy this is a hard one..... not completely aware of it myself, but personally, i think writing character dialogue and exposition are my strong suits.

- what area of writing do you want to improve in?

description and overall writing tone. there's something in my writing that still feels lackluster (at least, to me), so i'm a little prone to being demotivated whenever that happens.

also, establishing common elements in my writing style! im very indecisive and a huge perfectionist that i often forget that writing is a journey, not a goal where i have to get the highest score in to feel happy 💦💦

- what’s your favorite fic you’ve posted?

ummmm okay okay so i KNOWWW i shouldn't be bragging but a personal fic favorite is definitely breathtaking (wanderer x reader) and heart to heart (aventurine x reader)

also, if any old readers know, my old wanderer fic that was about 10k words in length, which im currently rewriting 🤩

- who is your favorite character to write for? has this changed since you’ve started writing for that fandom?

this is going to sound so controversial. and basic as fuck but it's obviously scaramouche/wanderer! he's the entire reason why i established an account in the first place 🙏

fun fact: my baby blog days were almost consistently posting about him like i could not shut up lol

other faves include aventurine from star rail, jing yuan, jiyan and lyney!

- have you noticed any patterns in your fics? words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

i love making things turn heartwrenching and establishing characters to be absolutely in love and down bad for their respective readers. also, i notice that i tend to lean towards expressive readers more than usual and have a liking for adding mini character traits that make them more like a mini oc than a self insert....

- what are your favorite fics at the moment?

anything by @ddarker-dreams, @daosies and @sixosix! some other recs include

≈ translation (aventurine x reader) by @/yinyuedjun [ NOTE: CONTAINS NSFW CONTENT DESCRIPTIONS, MINORS DNI ]

≈ needles and pins (ratio x reader) by @/inarvii

≈ you're a pain in the neck (literally) by @/xiaowhore [ go check their other works because they're also god tier ]

≈ how to woo the acting grand sage 101 (al-haitham x reader) by @/baeshijima

≈ crushing on sunday and robin finding out (sunday x reader) by the GOAT @milksnake-tea

- do you have any writing advice you want to share?

keep practicing and practicing! also, write like no one will read it; this is advice that helped me so much because it allowed me to be authentic in my writing style. aside from that, try to incorporate styles you like from your favorite writers and slowly develop your own elements from said style to create your own! we're an amalgamation of the things we love and cherish, and your writing style is no different.

finally, write like you're in love with writing. yes its it's cringe as hell but writing quality advances by leaps and bounds when you love the trope and/or prompt that you're writing for.

as for improvement, always take it one step at a time. overall, writing is a very hefty process that sometimes makes you feel utterly tired and hopeless due to the many talented writers in active proliferation, but i assure you, your writing is wonderful. keep at it, and write, write, write. (ang corny Neto amputa sorry i just got sentimental for a second)

[kalims]

What happened to twstnexus? I tried looking for it but couldnt, did you delete it or smth? Sorry if i sound rude! ^^'

no no, it's okay!! actually yeah the blog itself is gone (courtesy of me,) im very sorry for the late delay but tbh the notion of handling two blogs ended up being quite stressful for me haha

I couldn't host any events due to time, and even I can't attain a consistent posting schedule in my main either. it's not just in the app itself, I have a lot going on irl as well and I was able to balance the three before but yeah it's definitely peaking now (crying)

on a more serious note. the members are free to still use the tag, since it'll still promote works. and I encourage them to reblog the works of others as well. I've been told the twstnexus introduced some of the members to new friends (who're also members) and im glad I was able to make something like that

now I'm not really sure what to call myself as since the blog is gone in an admittedly impulsive moment of mine. it still exists in the members itself I suppose (#inspirational /j) I don't want to limit writers so I am fine with anyone using the main tag as long as they participate in reblogging the works as well

in short I just can't keep up with handling it anymore. so I guess it'll be free for everyone? i dunno how to describe it tbh but it all comes down to the writers who make the choice haha 💛

special thanks to @tea-hytyyto I'm really sorry but I appreciate your effort before, though I feel like it's been in vain but if you ever need anything just pm me!! <33

[qwuilty]

Since we'll be living here, we might as well dump some P1 Dude headcannons as an offering.

— Because of he horrible sleep schedule, his eyes are always slightly red and eyelids droopy. His hair creates a shadow over his eyes too, making him look more menacing than what he wanted to.

— He's an math person, It's logic is simple to understand and it never changes. History and Biology are the subjects he struggles with the most.

— Despite being an "wolf person" this loser just Oozes sad wet cat energy. Pathetic little meow meow if i must say.

— Would do the Undertale's pacifist route if he could play it and would cry if he ever did the genocide one.

— Is interested in more "feminine" things but, because of what others would think of him, he mostly keep it to himself. On that matter, he thinks skirts are Awfully comfortable.

— He's super easy to fluster. In this state he tends to nervously play with his hair.

— This is mostly because of a oneshot on AO3 but i thinks that he would be willing to share a bath with his partner, even though he would be nothing but a blushing mess.

Have a good day/night

– ☕ | 🐰 | ☀️🌙

OOO i love these, they feel very in line with my own headcanons for him! I've personally imagined him more in those long librarian style skirts in the fall, or at least he would have been if the 90s wasn't.. The 90's and all. Also imagining him fidgeting around with his hair all red in the face is absolutely what i needed after 9 am classes today |D I think him liking math more also makes sense, sure it's a lot at first, but there's a sense of consistency to it that others might take for granted

In return i'll give one of my own headcanons, i'm kind of coming around more to the idea of him trying to enlist as his last ditch effort "i need to make something of myself or i'll be a failure forever" (Also since admittedly it does make sense now that i think over it more, mainly related to potential ptsd related gunshot hallucinations and his use of military terms, plus the war journal thing), and i think he'd have kind of a teasing name of Big Bird because of how tall he is and how he kind of shuffled around everywhere. (Also partially ableism because he had a harder time catching onto things like sarcasm or lying, making him seem 'stupid' despite having a lot of book smarts)

I'm still admittedly kind of considering ideas for it, but i think he got discharged after issues with trauma and insomnia after dealing with the horror of war lead to him accidentally attacking another solider, leading to him being deemed unfit to continue serving and sent right back to rock bottom. I'm also admittedly dealing with low spoons brain due to a rough day, so i hope that made sense <:D

(btw if anyone is curious about the fic, i think it's Nothing Out To Get You by lobotomyy on Ao3 /correct me if im wrong/, i personally read it myself and it's very cute, i would absolutely reccomend it <3)

[natsmagi]

I love ur art!!!! really its so gorgeous and the style brings me sm joy, its so soft and cute!! and ofc fem ntsmg is THE GOAT!!!!!!

BUT I JUST WANNA ALSO SHOW APPRECIATION FOR HOW U ANSWER ASKS AND STUFF AND IDK JUST UR WHOLE PERSONALITY IN GENERAL?? I love reading ur text posts especially when u kinda analyze the characters and stuff like its so fun to read and tbh, both natsume and tsumugi are characters that I feel are often mischaracterized in the fandom, and like idk I feel like u get them so perfectly and its sooo !??!?! Awesome getting to read ur awesome takes when new events come out and stuff like YOURE SO RIGHT ABT EVERYTHING, i be reading ur posts and going "you!!! YOU FUCKING GET IT!!!!!!!!!!" *happy stimming*

if you honestly did like a proper character analysis for them one day just now i would be so here for it and read it over and over again probably. Im currently hyperfixating RLY HARD on ntsmg so sometimes i just go through ur entire text post/ask tag and read everything over and over again 😭😭😭 I JUST LOVE THIS BLOG IN GENERAL KEEP DOING WHAT YOURE DOING, YOURE ABSOLUTELY AWESOME AND VERY MUCH BASED USER NATSMAGI!!!!♥️♥️♥️♥️

OIUGOHGOOHH OH MY GODDDDD ANONNNNNNNN THIS IS SO SWEET I HARDLY EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAYYYYYYY 😭😭😭😭 THANK YOU SO MUCH U HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THIS MAKES ME 🥺🥺💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

im a very chatty person so im very glad u like hearing what i have to say 🥺!!! and im glad u like my personality too since i feel i can come off as harsh or arrogant sometimes AKJHFSKJH THOUGH TBF I DO TRY MY BEST TO BE KIND......

ID LOOOVE TO ANALYZE NTMG MORE !!! main reason i dont do it as often or hold myself back a bit is because admittedly its been a While since i read alot of the stories, a majority of which i have only read once, and when i make actually Proper analyzes i like to have reread the material and see if i maybe misinterpreted something on my first read or am misremembering, bc when given new info other interactions can be read differently and all that. and i also wanna actually do them justice and not accidentally spread misinfo AJHSFKJH AND I UNFORTUNATELY HAVENT HAD THE TIME NOR ENERGY TO DO THIS </3 but even without remembering every single piece of dialogue verbatim i like to think my grasp on them is still somewhat decent, and im very glad u like my interpretations 🥺❤️

it always makes me so incredibly happy when people view the characters similarly to me aswell bc like u mentioned they Are kinda prone to getting mischaracterized in some ways...... i think it mainly comes from both natsume and tsumugi having MANY factors to their characters though, and the mischaracterization comes from only highlighting one aspect of them and failing to think about how their different attributes overlap (although this can probably be said for the entire cast tbh). like an easy example that im sure everyone gets by now is natsumes little tsundereisms. if you only focus on him being rude to tsumugi it can look like hes just some edgy guy with anger management issues, but when you take into account other factors such as him having a rather spoiled upbringing both by his parents and nii-sans, and his distaste towards feeling "weak" (also caused by his upbringing, since he was frail as a child and raised as a girl) you start to see that oh. alot of that is just him being defensive and emotionally immature. since he had such a comfortable upbringing those hints of discomfort and vulnerability are threatening to him as someone who always had everything handed to him. and when you dont know how to deal with situations like that ASWELL as being afraid of being seen as "weak" youre Gonna start resorting to harsher words and sometimes even get physical because you have no clue how else to handle this. its also why the natsumes character consists of him being pretty obsessed with "growing up" and "not being a kid anymore," because he knows how immature he could be SKHDGJH he doesnt have bad intentions he just. doesnt know how to be vulnerable with people

[chaiandsage]

Heyo!

I just wanna say i finally finshed your trust life fic after, admittedly, a long time (I struggle with long fics and typically hate reading them) it was really great I actually had a lot of fun reading it! Im really glad your fic could be the first lobg fic ive read in a really long time and encouraging me to step outta my confort zone for that kinda stuff :} anyways I did actually have a question belive it or not, I was wondering if you had any tips on writting in character for them (them being the traffic games characters) and for writting longer fics?

Hi! Thank you!!

I’m not surprised it took you a while. When I went back to read it all myself, it took me literal weeks to finish, lol. But thank you for giving this one a try anyway. It’s great to know that you still enjoyed it even though it was out of the norm for you

For your question, I think a small, but effective way to achieve that would be to make sure a character’s dialogue includes phrases or words that they usually use often. Same goes for their tone too. So like, I know that people like Joel and Bdubs are usually loud talkers whereas Etho and Lizzie are more on the quiet end. So maybe just try to reflect that and keep things consistent unless the situation calls for something else? I’ll also just try to read things over in that character’s voice and if it feels wrong coming out of their mouth, then I change it according to what feels more accurate

Aside from dialogue tho, you could also try seeing how others seem to write them most often and work off of that? Sorry for the vagueness. I’m not sure I’m the best person to give advice on that subject 😅

Longer fics however… If you’re asking how to stretch a fic out, I think one way to kind of cheat at that would be to have the story take place from more than one perspective. That way there’s twice or more the amount of potential thoughts, problems, backstory, and development to cover (learned this the hard way)

—But if you’re asking how to write a GOOD long fic… I mean, I’d say it’s very important to have the gist of what you expect to happen be already established front and center in an outline. That way you’re not unprepared for anything and have already gotten one of the most difficult parts of writing it done (imo). That’s not to say that straying from your outline is a bad thing. If anything, depending on your story, it could kind of function as a safety net for that sort of thing. So no matter how much you decide to change, you at least know what direction you’re meant to be going in (I really hope I’m making sense here…)

ALSO—keep around a journal, or a notepad, or a log on your phone, or whatever so you can jot down any random ideas that you think would be cool to put in your story that might come to you whenever. Don’t trust yourself to remember to add them in once you start writing, because you won’t/lhj

If your fic has a lot of characters in it, then also make sure to write down and keep track of their relationship or current standing with other characters. For example, it wouldn’t make sense for two people who had beef three chapters ago to suddenly be cool or indifferent around each other the next time they meet up without there having been some kind of resolution (internal or otherwise) in the middle of all that. If someone gets into an argument with another person and then doesn’t see them again for a few chapters, their immediate thought upon seeing them for the first time again, in my opinion, shouldn’t be a cheery or neutral one. Maybe they cooled down a little between those chapters, but I don’t think the problem should have just fixed itself with time alone. That goes for a lot of other situations too

So, yeah, that’s pretty much what came to mind for me. I don’t consider myself an expert on any of this so please feel free to take it with a grain of salt. Regardless, I do hope you’re able to write out what you had in mind :)

[nonbinarygamzee]

Dave thoughts? I'm very curious about your hatred for that guy (if that makes sense)

HAHA ok so admittedly maybe my posts about how much i hate him are a bit overblown because i basically think its really funny that he only comes up on my blog if i am being a hater. integral to understand that while i post "fandom" content on here that i dont really think of this as a fandom blog so much as a blog where i come to have conversations with myself and so naturally just bc of who i am a lot of my little posts are full of context and meaning i never bother to externalize because they are for me to reread later and have a little chuckle about.

anyways. theres a lot of reasons i find him grating but i can at least admit it that a lot of my annoyance has more to do with the way i was forced to slog through strider manpain posts endlessly as a teenager any direction i tried to look. when the fandom seemed hyperfocused on him and his woes while actively sending me like graphic gore at like age 14 for saying hey maybe this other character also deserves some sympathy and maybe even analysis that has more to say than why they are an evil irredeemable monster for being unstable as a child. which yknow that isnt daves fault but man even without that part it was tiring to see all of the emotional depth constantly boxed into his corner. and then to repeatedly have the comics itself affirm all of this as valid exploration and then ridicule me for My exploration. for many many years the strider manpainisms made me not bother with dirk just on principle even though today hes one of the more interesting characters to me! so i can admit im not being totally "fair" here but well. as usual i think the fandom darlings can handle a fraction of the disdain ive see thrown my favies ways constantly for over a decade.

and like none of that to say i dont Get why people do this with him or that he deserved anything he got as a kid or it wasnt abuse or whatever. let the records show that i think it is Wrong to terrorize your brotherson with swords and sex puppets. im a feminist.

more rooted in the reality of the comic itself though i just find it grating how often daves sole function in a scene is to be the authors mouthpiece and specifically often in ways where you are meant to implicitly agree with the things he is saying irregardless of whether they are a centrist gen x nightmare opinion because its also the larger opinion of homestuck as an entity. dave is far from the only character to do this and id say any of the characters you could comfortably refer to as the "protagonists" actually end up slipping into this fairly often. that said the other biggest offenders imo are karkat, egbert and terezi and i also have feelings of extreme ambivalence for terezi and to be honest an outright disinterest in egbert. so. i am at least consistent about it! karkats my special guy but i need him hunted for sport and tortured until he stops being this and largely the things he believe that make me feel that way heavily align with the opinions the comic depicts as mostly right and again tend to be moments hussies worldview is bleeding into the narrative especially openly.

anddd ok. i just find daves personality grating on top of it. i cant sit here and pretend ive never laughed at a dave strider dialogue but generally a lot of the parts people find very funny are parts i tend to come away having seen the thousanth iteration of dave having his worldview affirmed and getting to do some #awesome clapback at the person insinuating he even try to think outside of his own preconceived ideas about what things should be like. in general in a story so full of characters doing bad things it just grates on me that, while his offenses are certainly usually "minor" in the grand scheme of things, the lack of willingness to challenge them often just means like dave gets to be right and nobody remembers when he actually massively fucks someone else up or makes them feel worse. like to be clear none of this is a problem in that characters cant "do bad things", i literally like vriska, but it would be cool if we could at least like. acknowledge that theyre anything but entertaining even within the context of the universe where other characters should be allowed to be uncomfortable when hes actively creepy or uses their emotional breaking points as a soapbox for how He feels. but since it would cause this big rift in how homestuck itself presents the opinions it wants you to agree with, those characters just..... not only do not mind most of the time but even if they do its never in a way that allows them agency in the matter. thats the crux of it all for me actually, hes by far one of the most autonomous characters of the bunch and it feels frequently like his agency is at the expense of others because hes a self insert.

um ok tldr hes annoying and him being the Face of homestuck is like..... accurate but in the most painful nightmare way because he kind of just. Is homestuck. to me.

(and i actually do see iterations of him sometimes that i find compelling but they all feel so detached from how hes presented in the comic that it just feels like someones oc. all of this said also i actually kind of have an absurd amount of thoughts on how he would act post game (epilogues ignored here) just i dont bother to do much with em because dave likers would hate it and other dave haters probably wouldnt care enough lol. also always secondary info anyways, hes finally allowed irrelevency in My city)

[ruemilley]

thoughts on The Blog + 2024 year in reflection + next year goals

hi there, long time no talk. if you don't remember why you're following me, it's probably because i wrote a lot of mp100 fanfic like five years ago. i haven't posted much on this blog this year besides reblogging some fundraisers and i want to try and use this more. hope you're doing well!

i think i tend to be pretty precious about what i put on this blog, because in my mind i wanted it to be creative updates and art only, but more and more i realize that i really enjoy reading what artists i follow are up to and thinking about whether it's creative or not. so i want to try and post more casually too. sharing what im up to + occasional reblogs. i hope you enjoy that kind of stuff too.

i made a tag on the blog for stuff ive made called.. #stuff ive made. so it'll still be easy to find my art and writing. ill probably make a pinned post with that info in a little bit.

ok, so other orders of business, how was 2024 for me?

2024 was pretty good for me. it was not quite what i thought it would be-- i had a few different goals at the beginning of the year that i ended up shifting on. i also cannot find my new year's resolutions from last year which is surprising because i pretty much always make them.

however, i made some general accomplishments that im pretty happy with, such as:

switching from misc freelance scrambling and part time work to a 40hr/week job, with way better pay

going to water aerobics twice a week fairly consistently, which is the first time i've consistently exercised maybe ever

taking my health more seriously in general

finishing a rough draft of a comic script (which i then put aside, due to next accomplishment)

finally dipping my toes into game dev which i have always wanted to try but was always too scared to

cutting way back on social media usage and being stricter with how much time i spend on my phone

generally Putting Myself Out There more and making friends in da city

so i'm pretty pleased. however, as i think at the end of every year, i still feel my creative output is not what i wanted it to be. admittedly i did draw more than i have in a while. i worked on several projects and got a few things off the ground. but not much i feel i can share. i feel like i consistently did more, but my output was just very slow. this is partly from working on larger projects and things that are time consuming, but man, i want to prioritize this stuff more.

i also find that i am struggling a bit about what i want to be working on creatively. i have ideas but everything's a bit half formed. i think this year i've unearthed some insecurities about the quality of my work and ideas-- i think previously i just told myself that if i sat down and did stuff i would be a savant, i just hadn't gotten around to it yet. this was definitely just from a fear of failure. ok, so i did sit down and do some stuff and it was kind of just ok-- at least to me. what now?

so, i need more time to work on stuff and i need to develop my Artistic Voice or whatever. point one is a bit easier to find a solution for, even if it's scary- im planning to cut back my work hours in the new years and set aside fridays for personal project time only. this is mostly stressful because everything on earth is only getting more expensive but i think i just need to do this. if i don't i will always wonder what if.

...point two is vaguer. how do you develop an artistic vision and goal? admittedly, i think i put way too much pressure on myself to have consistent creative styles and interests. but at the same time, out of all the things i love, there has to be something im drawn to creatively, right? even if i haven't realized it yet? besides anime fanfic epics?

well, probably just in the doing things will emerge. i'll focus on that for now. this seems like a similar question to high schoolers asking how you get an Art Style, and not realizing that's just something that naturally emerges when you draw a lot. you can certainly point it in certain directions, but it won't settle and be yours unless you do it a lot.

okay, what else. i have some other personal goals i won't share here, but one more i WILL share here is i think in 2025 i really want to engage with less passive media. i love to put on a youtube video essay and play a game on my phone. lots of half attention to things that don't deserve my whole attention. i think that's ok sometimes to relax and unwind, but i feel like i missed out on so many cool stories by doing that. i feel good about this goal because it's less about Reading Twenty Five Books This Year Because That's Good For Me and more about experiencing stories because i want that.

this year i read stone butch blues and i remember thinking at the end of it, why am i not reading things like this all the time? why am i not devoting myself to experiencing beautiful works of art? why am i more likely to put on ten hour let's play of a mediocre PS2 game that no one has ever heard of than to watch a two hour classic movie that will emotionally resonate and maybe change my life?

...well, it's partially because that gets emotionally exhausting. it's ok to chill out some. but i don't want to pacify myself all the time. i need to think about how to make this a Measurable Goal or whatever, but i'm excited about it.

i think that's all i will put here. i hope you have a good new year's and that 2024 wasn't too painful for you. i feel as though most of the internet was cruel and disheartening this year- endless windows into the worst of humanity. things that were painful to read, while also knowing they would be thousand and thousands time worse to experience. even so, i saw a lot of kindness too-- people reaching out to help, and the generosity of my friends and family. i hope you saw some of that too. here's to 2025.

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

oh, our discord is raihansofficialboywife if thats .. reassuring (?) for you. .. dont say anything about the username, i know its silly but its personal for us so just dont question it lmao . again i dont really have any interest in moving this over there but im.. sure youre well aware of that by now hm?

we have the inner voice thing, kind of. im not really sure if thats actually even what it really is, but we can talk to each other without saying anything outloud, headspace or otherwise. ("i think thats just telepathy" - luca .. true, but still lol..) admittedly sometimes i miss my old bodies, but i think the one i have now is pretty nice. i dont really have a solid form, i kind of change tiny things about my appearance constantly even when i dont mean to, but mostly i latch onto whatever im presenting as at the moment with my own things added, some of them are surprisingly consistent between forms, like my fucked up eye whcih is why i have the x as that eye in the little emoticon thingies (x_o <- those) .. i like having my own little typing related things that are specific to me because theyre tied to my personal appearance in headspace, its a nice special comfort. andrew does it too, he puts little bunny ears on the sides of all his kaomojis.

i could talk a lot about my headspace appearance, because i personally find it very interesting .. but i also am very much a narcissist (npd holder, along with.. just being incredibly self absorbed and otherwise narcissistic by definition even outside of the pd, hahah) so i personally find every little tidbit about myself to be utterly fascinating.

man thats fuckin awful, im sorry that shit happened to yall. like.. i cannot express enough how genuinely insane that is..? and excuse my language in referring to it.. just. lord. it still disturbs me to this day how malicious people can be for no real reason greater than for the sake of it. how i wish it was just humans but i suppose every being is unfortunately prone to that ill natured behaviour ..

thats a really crazy coincidence in all honesty лол. i forgot how exactly i started using it for myself, i think it started as an aesthetic thing to go along with an old layout of a blog i dont use anymore, and then i started using it as signoffs in asks and just.. got attached, and started using it for myself in general. we even use it for ourselves as a collective now, its been in our discord status and bio for like.. a month or two i think? maybe three. were really bad with time perception so i couldnt give a very good estimation if i tried.

🪷

No no it's okay, we don't need your discord but I am thankful you were at least open. While we are on discord far more frequently we should be talking where you're comfortable. Where both of us are comfortable.

And yes, I believe telepathy is very common in the headspace so I'm not too surprised it's not just us. It's funny too, because while we don't have a fucked up eye, we often feel like we do. It's so strange and I think almost like phantom feeling, like having a phantom limb except it's more of a phantom scar we can't explain. Of course we're not going to be dumb like those "trans-abled" people and fuck up our eye just because we think it would feel right, that's just stupid. (it's our left eye)

And yeah we know what you mean, having little things helps a lot. We have a hood with ears on it but it's got paws attached too. The ears are fixed upright but it's a black hood. Still, we love it and we're glad we have it.

We love our self absorbed alters /hj

No okay for some odd reason our brain tends to latch onto alters that tend to have more self-absorbed personalities. Does this go for all of our alters? of course not. But Edgar Valden, Bob Aken (Obake), Me and the multiple doubles we have of each. But then we also have our Andrew and Aesop doubles and they aren't self absorbed so much as they just prefer their space. It's so strange how our system works. Systems are fascinating tbh.

And yeah, it was just beyond fucked up. It was ridiculous and even when we tried to move someplace else they followed us over. It's just.. such drama. The idv fandom is really fucked up in general. Already a few servers we've come forward on have either been hostile towards us or have actually infantalized me. And I mean waving images of baby keys in my face level and "feeding me meat and rice."

Frankly our status will not hold that emoji forever. We actually.. have no clue why it's even still there lmao. We just put it there one day and never changed it. Time perception is hard fr.

[starsofthestorm]

im mostly joking abt the blue devils hate but

admittedly? they are incredible, yes, but they shouldnt have been in top three this season at all- mynd was for sure one of the coolest dci shows of all time and i dont think its a good thing that TROOPERS got a much larger crowd reaction at every show compared to bd [and im a huge troopers fan !!!!! im hopefully marching their legacy corps this season !!!!!]

the solos are fantastic absolutely im a big fan of the screamers but nothing about bd really screams "permanently top 3"- screamers isnt exclusively a bd thing and some of the solos even just from this season have been FANTASTIC

metamorph is a downright amazing show im not hating on metamorph at ALL i loooove metamorph. marimba headcam my BELOVED. they ARE fantastic and i show some of their marimba stuff to my section as examples pretty often

i dont actually hate them and i esp dont hate them for fun, but theyre honestly my second least favorite world class corps at the moment [blue knights sorry. busk was just odd. im being silly i dont hate any corps and i know people in bk this year]- im consistently bored during their shows, they dont make much sense, and a lot of their shows are very similar but not in a way thats captivating. concept show with little to no easily recognizable story and a trumpet screamer

this is DEFINITELY sounding a bit hypocritical because im a troopers fan so i do apologize for that /silly

blue devils are by no means bad, theyre absolutely a top twelve world class corps 100%, theyre very talented and only take very talented people, but i think a lot of that fame that most people give them [who havent seen that much of dci at all] is just the name- i have several friends who are only into dci because of me who say their favorite corps is blue devils but when i ask why [simply out of curiosity i REALLY like hearing about what makes people love a drumcorps] their only answer is "..theyre famous" and theyve never even seen the entirety of a bd show. not even METAMORPH or FELLINIESQUE !!!!!!!

theyre incredible, yes, but theyre not the best at ALL and its getting tiring to see that no matter what, blue devils is a top three corps even if me and many others firmly believe that they shouldnt be. top five? sure !!! top twelve? absoLUTELY they are by NO means even a bottom of top twelve corps.

a huge, HUGE part of dci IS the emotion and the story of their shows- a corp that doesnt have emotion and story simply isnt entertaining to most fans.

theyre a very talented group but that doesnt equal the best of the best and i dont think they should be known as that- i jokingly mock pretty much every single corps out there, like i said im not a dci hater at ALL [i love you forever drumcorps international]

i loove making jokes abt troopers, cavaliers, genesis, cascades, bluecoats, really any of em- ive called myself a hater of most corps jokingly

i agree fully with your tags !!!!! devils are still a good group !!!! but it is ABSOLUTELY bs that theyve won so consistently !!!! thats how i know for SURE that bluecoats was beyond incredible this season because they managed to knock bd out of first AND crusaders putting them in third?

they ARE incredible !!!!! i agree !!!! and i am honestly a bit biased because im just sick of seeing top three blue devils every. single. season. especially with them being in first. they are good, yes, theyre VERY good, but i dont think they should be this high ranking every single season when so many absolutely PHENOMENAL shows are performed and shadowed by blue devils- [i def know a lot about being shadowed by a band as a marimbist /j]

anyways. thoughts on tempus blue bc ive met hardcore blue devils fans who dont even want to talk abt tempus blue. the piccolo trumpet solo was REALLY cool ngl ill give em that for sure. and their banger uniforms /silly

Blue Devils out here with the most consistently genderfluid-looking uniforms ever lmao

YOURE LITERALLY SO RIGHT

see. i apologize but im a blue devils hater, i have Many thoughts abt how high theyve placed recently but they consistently have SUCH BANGER UNIFORMS [nobody mention tempus blue. nobody bring that up]

[pyrodigy]

i still care about u lots & i hope you're doing alright!! take as much time as you need / take care of yourself, i love your diluc & all the care you've poured into him is so cool and sometimes i still read ur headcanons but i really just hope that you're okay, even if you can't be around like you want to!! ♥♥♥

hgngnhngn thank you 🥺 it makes me so happy to know you enjoy the work i put into him so much, thank you for taking the time to let me know and check on me !! rest assured i am in fact doing my best rn