#actuallynarcissist

[thatnarcissisticfeel]

I think that a lot of people without NPD have a really poor understanding of "narc supply" or the specific type of positive attention that pwNPD crave. Even the egotypicals who are allies, the ones denounce narc abuse and anti-NPD ableism, don't fully grasp it.

There's this false idea that NPDs like to be worshipped and showered with compliments all of the time, and I mean, yeah, most of us would eat that shit up, but I know that for myself and a lot of other pwNPD it's deeper and much more, I guess, personal?

I don't really know how to describe it, so I'll give an example: As a kid, no one really paid attention to my creative endeavors, my accomplishments, my feelings, etc. And if they DID pay attention, the attention was negative. I could always do better, I could always be smarter, stronger, etc. This came from peers and adults alike. So I developed a coping mechanism where I would tell myself that everyone else was wrong, that I'm actually the best person around, etc. I don't have to explain what disorder I ended up with as an adult as a result of all of that. :P

But anyway - the wound of constantly being ignored at best and insulted at worst is still there. You know how when you're in a group chat or a conversation with multiple people and no one ever pays attention to your comments, while paying attention to everyone else? Yeah, that shit hurts EVERYONE, but especially pwNPD. Even the smallest acknowledgment can be "narc supply."

You know how when you achieve something really cool and everyone ignores you - but the people who ignore you will be quick to praise OTHER people?

You know how when you post art/edits online and everyone ignores you - but the people who ignore you compliment someone else's post in the exact same thread?

You know how when you ask your friend to read your favorite book or listen to your favorite artist or whatever because of how much it means to you, and they never do it, but then they read/listen to everyone else's favorite thing at everyone else's recommendation, and how much it pisses you off? (Hurts even more if you have the SAME favorite book/artist and someone reads/listens to it at the other person's recommendation and not at yours.)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I could go on and on. That shit would bother anyone, us narcissists aren't alone in being hurt by that, but my G-d, it impacts pwNPD in such a specific way.

But let me flip it around to the positive!

A narcissist doesn't necessarily get their "supply" from someone telling them that they're the coolest person in the world and that they're a god. (Though if you do want to say that to us we probably won't complain!) Sometimes they get their "supply" from something as simple as someone acknowledging their achievements, and giving specific praise on what the achievement was. ("It's so cool that you won a prize in the music recital. The song you played sounds like it was really difficult and I loved your stage presence.")

Being told, "Wow, you did such a great job on your artwork, I love the colors!" goes a very very long way for a narc, especially when said narc is used to being IGNORED for their art.

Hearing, "it's so cool that you like that book, I'll have to read it and tell you my thoughts!" can help a narcissist's interests feel acknowledged.

You might be reading this and thinking, "well, isn't it just basic human interaction to compliment your friends or try out their interests"? And, well, maybe it is, but the whole point of NPD is that most of us grew up without receiving that type of attention, so now we're very very desperate for it - and very, very, VERY sensitive to when it doesn't happen, or is even perceived to not have happened. Something as small as being talked over in a group chat can set us off, but something as small as a simple, "hey, it's so cool that you did this, I love it." can win us over.

And to be completely fair, most of the time us being "ignored" isn't completely intentional. Like, I get it, yeah, sometimes timing just doesn't work out for person A to read my favorite book at my own rec, but by the time person B is in their life, person A can read it, and it's not anything personal. Sometimes the content I make just isn't someone's ~style~ and they support me, they really do, they just don't know what to say. Sometimes someone forgets to respond, or doesn't get a notification when I send them something I made or tell them about something I did. (There is less excuse for being ignored in face-to-face/offline convos though.) But because of the trauma of us constantly being ignored as kids/teens, the smallest little thing hurts and as a result we seek and crave attention EVERYWHERE.

So now, to give in to narc stereotypes of begging for attention: If you're a person without NPD and you genuinely want to help the narcissists you have in your life, the second best thing you can do for us is checking in to make sure we're not overlooked. Try to be sure you're not ignoring us, and if we do something cool, try to compliment it, even if it's something you don't fully "understand." Ask us about what we've been up to lately, what we're proud of about ourselves, and agree with us that what we've done is pretty cool. I mean, you'd do that for any friend, right? It's really not all outlandish for a narc to want that.

(If you're curious what the FIRST best thing you can do for a narcissist is, it's giving us a million dollars unlearning your anti-NPD ableism and calling people out who use narcissist as an insult as a synonym for abuser. Even in "offline" spaces, even when we're not around, even doctors/therapists. Even "narc" abuse survivors.)

[planesofdelusion]

friendly reminder that all narcs have laser eyes and if you say dumb shit about narc abuse they'll blow you up until you're just a scorch mark on the ground

[cluster-b-culture-is]

npd culture is wow. being cluster b is awesome. we have the best disorders and we are incredibly cool and talented

.

[str4nge-4rt]

you cannot hate yourself into being a better person. i, however, narcissists georg,

[mossiestpiglet]

My narcissistic need to be the universal favorite regardless of if I’ve earned it vs my autistic hypersensitivity to and loathing of anything arbitrary

[transmasculine]

alt:

npd + npd4npd ink demon and sammy!

[deceiver-of-god]

Fuck finally someone says this. It is so frustrating. I do *everything* for my gf. I am the perfect partner. I support her as much as I can and more, I always help her, I give her massages, I buy her things, I give her hand-crafted gifts that take me weeks or even months to finish (I literally wrote a book for her), I listen to her infodumps of HOURS, I watch the media she recommends, I make her laugh, I comfort her when she's feeling down, I am affectionate, I am passionate, I put her before everything, and even before myself. And yet somehow she's not satisfied. And I'm still not enough. And despite everything she will complain and have any excuse to be mad at me, or to make me feel guilty. When she doesn't do half of it for me.

Narcissist culture is……… loving others in the ways u want to be loved (and wishing that others would love u and give u the supply that ur constantly craving)

U always hype them up, compliment their creations, tell them how hot/funny/amazing they are, bring them gifts or at least offer to, share ur things with them, and make sure they're happy (hoping that they'll do the same for u in return)

[holycores]

oooooo youre diagnosing me with npd oooooooo its because im so sexy and so so hot isnt it ooo youre so intimidated by me ooooo

[psychopathicnarc]

[thatnarcissisticfeel]

"narcissists think they're better than everyone" no, no, that's not true. i don't THINK i'm better than everyone. i KNOW i'm better than everyone.

[planesofdelusion]

friendly reminder that you don't actually need to do the right things for the right reasons. just doing the right things is enough. it's okay if you do the right thing because you want attention or an applause break. you still did the right thing. you put good out into the world. thought crimes are not real crimes.

[cluster-b-culture-is]

NPD culture is embarrassment feeling physically painful and like the end of the world

-🎭

.

[brownshouto]

I see this a lot in leftist circles but mental illness, trauma and abuse will exist with or without capitalism, your “mental illness is a social phenomenon” might be true for your depression and your anxiety but I beg all of you to think about psychotic people, systems and people with personality disorders when you make posts like that. It might be true that we wouldn’t be labeled as mentally ill but we would still need resources to help us cope, there’s still something we would need help coping with and you should focus on making that help available and accessible and free of bigotry for all of us instead of living in a “no mentally ill people” pseudo progressive eugenicist dream.

[neopronouns]

lascivic narcissist (👑🏩 or 👑💋)

[pt: lascivic narcissist (👑🏩 or 👑💋). end pt]

a modifier for those with npd or npd traits who identify with promiscuity, overt sexuality, seduction, or anything similar. 'lascivic' comes from 'lascivious'. associated colors are reddish-pink, and wine red, and dark grey/black.

potential traits of a lascivic narcissist (you don't have to relate to these specifically to use the term):

has or desires many sexual partners (casual or serious)

tries to attract sexual attention, seduce people, etc.

brags about their sexual prowess

enjoys sexual aesthetics, outfits, media, etc.

embraces their sexual desires without shame

this modifier is based on my experience of having both npd traits and hypersexuality, but is open to those without hypersexuality as well. overall, it's intended as a reclamation of the stereotype that narcissists use sex as a manipulation tactic.

(disclaimer, because i feel like i'll get comments about this otherwise: this term is not intended to promote unsafe or nonconsensual sexual activity in any way.)

minors please dni with this post.

[pt: minors please dni with this post. end pt]

[coastingbetween]

My indifference towards you is not an attack. You're not defending yourself, you're lashing out. Learn the difference.

[holycores]

Additional NPD Modifiers

After learning about what a modifier is, I've coined some new terms based off my aesthetic + experience! Credit to @npdsafe for the idea of a "ghost" narc and my partner @dolldelusions for coining the name of "phantasmic"! My partner also helped me with the other terms. The original idea can be found here: https://npdmodifiers.carrd.co/

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Porcelain Narc (🩰/🎀/👑): A narcissist that feels inanimate, in the way that they feel like a doll on a shelf, just waiting to be played with and used. Stems from feelings that may have emerged during abuse. The feeling of being a doll, a toy, and might also have specific feelings of being broken or useless due to both abuse and their npd. Also has a feeling of detachment from humanity, and may even lack willingness to identify as human at all. Vibes of dolls, especially porcelain ones, and toys as a whole (though if someone would like to make a toy specific one, go ahead!)

Phantasmic Narc (👻/⚰️/👑): A narcissist that feels a detachment from humanity as a whole, whether it be due to solely npd or a comorbidity such as autism. Has feelings of not desiring to adhere to societal norms and society as a whole, not wanting to perform things like masking, or standard neurotypical functioning. Vibes of ghosts, spirits, etc!

Ghoulic Narc (🦷/🥩/🦴/👑): A narcissist that feels an attachment to macabre concepts, such as cannibalism and murder. Defined by both an interest in the dark and scary, along with a self-identification as something beyond human. May also have feelings that relate to the idea of those with npd being "predators" to "normal" humans. Vibes of cannibalism, killers, etc.

Narsonist (🔥/💥/👑): A narcissist that feels attachment to fire, explosions, arson, etc. This modifier has feelings of being a troublemaker and a rule breaker, along with being somebody who breaks the mold and resents authority. Reclaiming the idea that all people with npd are criminals, bad, etc. Be gay, do crime.

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Please feel free to use these so long as you either have NPD, or NPD traits!! Please reblog to let the word get out about these modifiers. ✨