#actually no. go ahead and disprove me

[probablycatastrophic]

how to turn a bird into god using cosmere mechanics

so let's say you had two full mistborn/feruchemist/awakeners/forgers. we'll call them Person A and Person B. Person A and Person B begin to burn nicrosil and duralumin over and over again (assume that they have infinite metals) targeting each other. this builds up an extremely fast chain reaction of increasing allomantic levels (nicrosil increases the power of the other person's metals, duralumin buffs nicrosil). they then ingest purified dor and store the investiture in their nicrosil metalminds. then, they begin compounding nicrosil, amplified to ridiculous amounts by the nicrosil-duralumin chaining they did previously. they now have unlimited amounts of investiture derived from purified dor (this is known as the Infinite Investiture Glitch). Person A worldhops to First of the Sun and goes to Patji's Eye. Using their unlimited investiture, they then Forge a maggot to have consumed the entire perpendicularity, inheriting all its investiture. Here's where the awakening comes in. Person A repeats the Infinite Investiture Glitch for their own breaths, achieving every heightening and gaining unlimited breaths. then, kill the maggot. does it lose the investiture from the perpendicularity? no. then Person A uses the unlimited breaths to Awaken the maggot and make it sentient. Then they Forge the maggot, using their unlimited investiture, into a full mistborn and feruchemist. they Command the maggot to preform the Infinite Investiture Glitch on the investiture derived from the perpendicularity they consumed. they should now obtain-shard level investiture. then, the maggot is fed to an aviar. if the symbiosis applies correctly, the bird should ascend to shardhood. the bird god has arrived. bow down to the bird god

[hanmaitani]

Upset

PAIRING - Ushijima Wakatoshi x Reader WC - 0.9K GENRE - fluff/angst CW - highly suggestive SYNOPSIS - wakatoshi always knows how to handle when you're upset with him

“There’s something you’re not telling me.” Wakatoshi’s voice cut through the static in your mind as you sat on your couch, staring ahead at your tv. Despite the worry lacing his voice, you refused to acknowledge him. “You’re upset.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement, an observation from your fiance who knew way too much about you.

Of course you were. “I’m not.” Your tight voice and clenched jaw said otherwise. The way you stabbed your spoon into your ice cream again only further disproved your statement.

Wakatoshi sighed heavily as he sat down on the couch next to you, taking your face softly into his hands to turn you to face him. “I know that face. That’s your ‘I’m upset with you’ face.” You rolled your eyes and looked away again, turning to face your ice cream again. “And your eyebrows - they get really expressive when you’re mad.”

You scoffed. “Do you pay that much attention to your little reporter girlfriend?” Wakatoshi groaned. Of course that was what this was about. Tobio had tried to warn him about the article, the one that you had no doubt seen as well.

An article that was just someone looking to stir up drama. Photos taken from a perfectly curated angle, looking like a hug with an interviewer was more than it was. It was a small interview that he’d agreed to, an expose on his relationship with you actually, the inside scoop about the upcoming wedding. An interview at a cafe that was now being misconstrued in an article claiming that Wakatoshi had a new relationship.

“You know that you’re the only one I care about that way.” He tried but you scoffed lightly at him. “My love?” You refused to look at him. You knew you were being dramatic, but it bugged you that people were trying to ignore you existed, trying to imply that his upcoming marriage to you could be written off easily.

You huffed again at that thought, a small pout on your lips as you stabbed into your ice cream yet again. “I’m not upset.” You missed Wakatoshi’s hands leaving your face until they were picking the ice cream container out of your hands and setting it down on the coffee table in front of you. “Hey!” You protested, reaching for it, only for your efforts to be thwarted when his hands landed on your waist. He made it seem effortless, turning your body to situate you on his lap. Your legs quickly found their spot straddling his thigh. “What are you doing?” You complained, going to separate yourself from him but being stopped by his grip on your waist.

“My love.” He sighed and pressed a kiss to your cheek quickly. “I only have eyes for you.” You pouted but stopped struggling, looking to the side. He moved his head into your sight again and pressed a kiss to your other cheek. “You’re the best thing that has,” your pout lightened a little bit as you caught his eyes finally, “and ever will,” he pressed a kiss to your nose and watched it crinkle up, “happen to me.” He caught your lips in a soft kiss, feeling your pout melt away as you wrapped your arms around his neck. He pulled back after a few moments, looking at your face as he smoothed out the remnants of your pout left on your brow. “Are you better now?”

“I still don’t like her.” You mumbled, tucking your head into his shoulder, now ashamed that you’d spent so long upset. You knew that you had no reason to be, that your future husband was a loyal teddy bear and only yours.

He hummed in acknowledgement. “I know, my love.” His words were soft, his lips finding the corner of your mouth as he spoke. His grip on you tightened slightly and you couldn’t help but find yourself suddenly hyper-aware of the position you were in as Wakatoshi flexes his thigh underneath you while leaning into you to connect your lips again. You couldn’t help the small noise that left the back of your throat as your thighs unintentionally squeezed around his. “Oh? You like it when I do this, don’t you?” He teased lightly, a small smile on his lips as he pulled them from yours.

“Will you shut up? I’m still mad at you.” You mumbled half-heartedly as you chased his lips down, reconnecting them.

Wakatoshi’s hands stayed on your hips, his grip dragging your hips up his thigh and creating a friction that had your grip on him tightening. Soft noises slipping out of your lips and into the kiss. It was easy, with how his hands gripped you and moved you to get lost in his kisses, to forget that you’d been upset about something that seemed so trivial now.

Wakatoshi hummed against you, relishing in the gasp you let out as his thumb dipped between your legs, pressing into your shorts. “Look at that.” His voice had dropped lower now as he pointed out the wet spot growing on your shorts. “Wet for me already and I’ve barely done anything.”

Your face heated up in slight embarrassment and you pushed at his chest as you tried to swing your leg off of him. “Fuck you, I’m still mad.” You grumbled, half-heartedly trying to pull out of his grasp.

“No no no.” He chuckled, grabbing onto your hips again and pulling you back down onto his lap. "Get back down here, we’re not done yet."

TAGLIST -

@intergalacticrory @tsukiran @awkwardaardvarkforever @all-in-the-fandoms @mightyknight501

@lacunaanonymoused @pearl-blue-musings @qichun @megumuro @s0uldarling

@samus-onigiri-stand @seiri-ously @deepenthevoid @albakugo @winniethepooh-lover

@stunies @all-in-the-fandoms @little-miss-naill @ivy-taylorsversion @lumestar

@theycallmenanamisgirl @iluv-ace @appalost @mayoforthewin @rockrose-blossoms

@afire24

[mxtxfanatic]

Wei Wuxian, Morality, and the False Justice/Revenge Dichotomy

A key feature that drew me into Wei Wuxian's character is that while he is moral, he is not an unconditional pacifist. He will always do the right thing first and foremost without a care for how others will view him, because his morality is not dictated by vanity or reputation:

[Wei Wuxian said] "...But, let the self judge the right and the wrong, let others decide to praise or to blame, let gains and losses remain uncommented on. I, too, know what I should and shouldn’t do...."

—Chapt. 75: Distance, exr

However, that doesn't mean that he will accept just any treatment towards him. Wei Wuxian is the absolute last person to just lay down to be trampled underfoot by his adversaries:

If he were Chang Ping, he wouldn’t have cared how prominent or powerful the LanlingJin Sect was, or how much glory the road ahead offered him, and he wouldn’t have let the matter go. Instead, he would’ve went to the dungeons on his own, cut Xue Yang up so that he was nothing more than a puddle of flesh on the ground, and summoned his soul back to repeat the process to the point that he regretted ever being born in this world. But, not everyone was like him, preferring to perish together with his enemy.

—Chapt. 30: Dew, exr

The scene inside of the supervision office was more than horrifying. Within the courtyard, corpses lay everywhere. Not only there, the bushes, hallways, fences, and even roofs were piled up with corpses. All of the corpses wore sun robes. They were disciples of the Wen Sect.

—Chapt. 61: Evil, exr

He returns the suffering dealt to him by his enemies back 100 fold, but after he has gotten his revenge, he is able to move on peacefully, which is why he holds no grudges towards the Wen remnants once the Sunshot Campaign against the QishanWen concludes and even encourages Wen Ning's corpse to seek revenge against his murderers. Mianmian actually explains it best:

The woman seemed as if she was scared. She was even more careful, “No... I don’t mean anything more. There’s no need to be so agitated, everyone. I just feel that the words ‘killing indiscriminately’ isn’t really suitable.” Someone else spat, “How is it unsuitable? Wei WuXian has been killing indiscriminately ever since the Sunshot Campaign. Can you disprove this?” The woman tried hard to protest, “The Sunshot Campaign is a battlefield. In the battlefield, would it mean that everyone is killing indiscriminately? Let’s consider this as it stands. I really don’t think it’s right to say that he killed indiscriminately. After all, there is a reason. If the inspectors really abused the prisoners and killed Wen Ning, it wouldn’t be called killing indiscriminately anymore, but rather revenge...”

—Chapt. 73: Recklessness, exr

Seeing a protagonist that believes in "an eye for an eye" without being labeled as bad or "morally gray" by the narrative for refusing to turn the other cheek, who also knows how not to take it too far and stray out of my personal morals, has been such a breath of fresh air. It is also very validating to see a work of fiction so concerned with the subject of oppression and marginalization that doesn't frame violence and vengeance as antithetical to moral righteousness and justice. Because what is "justice" without restitution? And is it truly restitution if the option to avenge oneself of an unconscionable wrong is denied based on the false equivalency of being "just as bad as" your own oppressors' actions? Because the truth is that in most cases, violence is the only route to liberation, and sometimes, revenge is the only way to make possible the release of your resentments, lest the unaddressed wrong keep you stagnant in your malcontent. I am glad that Wei Wuxian serves as a model for this particular lesson.

[dnpbeats]

Yeah its so weird. People act as if the reason dan left and the issue dnp had with privacy was that people shipped them and wrote fanfic. Outside of like 2011/12 when dan had a (in his own recount) freakout because people were clocking him, they did not give a fuck at any point about the shipping or the theories. That is clearer now than ever, as they have a whole tour based around it and are actively encouraging it because they find it funny. What they did care about was when people reached out to their friends and family, harrasing those peoples social medias, because they didnt choose to put themselves on the internet, dnp did. What they did care about was the fact that apparently some fans figured out where they lived and used that info to go to their first flat in london and knock on the door to talk to them. Like. Thats invading privacy. Looking at a twitter account that was and has been public for 15 years, and cross matching it with things that have been publicly said and posted is not breachibg privacy? Thats? Not the same thing???

lmao thank you lmao like? I'm convinced that anytime someone says "this is giving demon phannie we are going back to 2014 and they're gonna leave again" they were not actually here for that era bc like 😭😭 d&p have been clear they dgaf about theories, espc recently. ppl just have no media literacy when it comes to what dan said in BIG

but honestly even if ppl still don't like the research I honestly don't care they have the right to not like it, what actually pissed me off the most was that the ppl who were talking shit seemed to be operating under the assumption that the dan being philslion theory existed for forever, then d&p denied it so I came along and decided to disprove what they said after the fact. which is just not fucking what happened like the doc IS the theory. basically no one was saying it was dan before I posted all the proof, no one would have asked them about it if it wasn't for my posts 😭 if you're gonna shit talk me go ahead but at least have your facts straight first, it takes .5 seconds to see the dates I posted everything like lol

[readypanda]

Indigo Park Spoilers (and very long post) ahead

Since Indigo Park is the newest fandom I've been dipping into, I figured I might as well make my own analysis for the game. The question I'll be discussing today is,

WHAT EVEN ARE THESE THINGS?

(sry for bad picture quality lol)

The thing I find interesting about these mascots (Molly, Lloyd, and what we've seen of Finley) that kind of sets them apart from other monsters in the mascot horror genre is...they almost seem like they're just animals. (I'll go over evidence for this in this post)

Think about it. In other mascot horror games, we've gotten:

animatronics possessed by dead children

employees/kids surgically(?) turned into toys

people mutated by a giant ink machine

animals/people who have had their DNA spliced with a mutagenic chemical

A little girl somehow turned into a monster (I think??)(really sorry Amanda I don't know what you are)

etc.

(I'm not up to date on all these properties and I know there's many more, so forgive me if my lore understanding is less than adequate. you know how it is with indie horror)

The important note about all these is that for the most part, these mascots are intelligent, or at least have the capability of intelligence. Almost everything on this list was at one point human, in fact.

So why do I think Indigo Park is any different? What leads me to believe they aren't intelligent? (at least, the animal versions of the characters that we run from in the game. Whether they are separate from the versions of the characters Rambley interacts with is something I'll touch on later)

I think the most obvious piece of evidence in regards to Molly and Lloyd (again, not much info on Finley yet) is how Lloyd acts. He doesn't talk at all, he just stalks the main character and attacks like an animal might (with the exception of a couple times he stands on two legs or props himself up here and there).

As for Molly, I hear you saying, "But she talks! We hear her speak!" And yes, dear reader, you are right. Molly does speak. This would disprove my argument of the mascots being purely animalistic, if it weren't for this kill screen.

Now, do we ever actually hear Molly say something that isn't a repetition or couldn't reasonably be a repetition? Has she said anything to prove her intelligence at all? (genuine question here because I haven't examined every one of her voice lines lol. If I'm wrong about this then whoopsie!)

Despite the past 250 words of speculation, though, whether they act just like animals isn't actually that important. We'll see more of them in later chapters anyway (or Lloyd and Finley at least) so that will likely prove or disprove this point with time.

The more interesting question is, what are they? Like, physically?

When Molly dies, we clearly see blood around her decapitated head. At the very least that rules out animatronics or something mechanical. In addition, in the audio of the hidden tape you get when you show Rambley one of the collectables, you can hear two staff members complaining about being replaced by "new mascots" right after they "got a new raccoon costume." This could mean a few different things, but it seems to imply that the mascots we see in this chapter are meant to be replacements for actors in suits (for meet and greets, promotion, shows, etc) and/or replacements for limited, expensive, and cumbersome animatronics. If this is true, we can also probably rule out them being human. Unless Indigo Park also had a secret human experimentation lab, which I wouldn't put past them.

I think it's too early to definitively state what these mascots are, but based on the evidence of above, I have a theory.

My personal theory is that these mascots are just animals who have been changed or mutated in some way to allow the park to have more "realistic" representations of the characters (also probably to cut down on the costs of paying a human employee). That would explain why they act the way they do and why they are so violent. They literally are just wild animals who have been warped to represent these cartoon characters.

Another important caveat to this theory is that, if this is true, then the mascots who attack us in the game are most likely NOT Rambley's "friends" as he knows them. That would explain why he doesn't call attention to Molly chasing us or Molly's dead body (with the exception of one very small reaction when he talks about the mascots). You would expect him to seem a little more upset if he thought that was his friend, but maybe on some level he knows it's not really her, just a representation of her.

That brings up another question, which is a can of worms I won't fully open here: Do Molly, Lloyd, and Finley have sentient "AI" equivalents like Rambley? If not, does Rambley know his friends aren't real? I'll let you decide.

Anyway, that just about closes my thoughts on this silly raccoon game. Thanks for letting me ramble on about it, and thanks for making it to the end of the post!

Lemme know about your own theories in regards to what these things are, or if there's any key evidence I missed. Kinda threw this together lol. Most of it will likely get disproven by future chapters but hey, thus is the price of theorizing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[fountainpenguin]

Riddle watches New Wish - Post #16

Battle of the Dimmsonian

I want to highlight them specifically. Look at that FOP-style fairy boy! Baby's all grown up!

Jasmine and Winn are so ready to party at the museum sleepover.

Oh, they are SO ready for this (Also).

slifdj, Peri looking ahead, noticing Cosmo and Wanda in disguise, and screaming "MY PARENTS?!?"

What the heck, Fairywinkle-Cosmas? You left your son for 10k years? Why? Look at him; he's got anxiety!!!

Dev: I haven't talked to Hazel since our fight :'( I need to get to her. /apparently doesn't talk to her all day and now it's night and he's trying to scare people with ghosts for no reason

Removing the staff during the sleepover night (after a spooky presentation) seems like something a museum would totally do as a prank.

Peri has been onscreen for like 2 minutes and he's already sad inside.

-> Hey, I think he outgrew his fear of the dark!

Dev, I am begging you to make it clear to the audience what you're doing right now. This is not an apology. This is not close to what you said you were going to do earlier??

-> Confirmation Dev is Peri's first assignment, so my "high school trial run" lore hasn't been disproven yet. I can work with that in 'fic. We'll see if he says he's graduated.

-> I do have a fanfic set-up where he's going to do a trial program as Foop's partner when they're still in Spellementary, but I don't think this disproves that either since that's a very supervised experiment for him (It's their extracurricular).

I don't think I've said it, but I really enjoy the way this art style has been handling the hairstyles. These angles of Peri's swirl are really interesting.

Peri... Don't take this the wrong way, but if you can't handle Dev being mildly needy and pushy, you're not ready for the big leagues.

idk, Peri strikes me as WAY too overconfident. He showed up ready to go a couple episodes ago. This is the first time he's back onscreen, and this immediate crash on his end is just proof to me that his inexperienced little tail doesn't know what he's doing.

Peri is the guy who's super hype for kids because he thinks they'll be cute and fun, but he's unprepared for work and responsibility. I'm getting "Tries to avoid changing diapers and/or feels smug about how little housework he does" vibes.

-> What decade is he designed after? Cosmo was designed with 50s aesthetic and I feel like this is actually on-brand for attitudes during Peri's aesthetic parallel time period. lol.

-> It's not like Poof was doing the hard work of godparenting when he was a baby. This is new for him and probably different than he fondly remembers.

-> I looked it up and apparently suspenders made a comeback in the 1980s. I designed my teen Poof for the late 60s-early 70s (and he's my flower child), but it makes total sense that he'd be a little farther forward in time since Cosmo and Wanda weren't allowed to have kids for the first 10k years of their marriage.

- Yeah, I would look at this man and say he's giving me "macho 1980s breadwinner husband who has a fragile ego regarding his manliness and doesn't do his own laundry" energy. - Please tell me he started dating Goldie and she broke up with him because he's not good with stress and now he's clingy and wants her back; "He lost the pretty girl because he wouldn't pull his weight" would be the funniest possible direction to take their relationship - I might need to write a 'fic about Goldie showing up while Dev is out and she and Peri have a fight where he's groveling and begging and then Dev walks in and he's like "... Oh boy, I can't wait to have a business relationship with this guy."

Peri came to this party like "I grew up with Timmy Turner. My grandma teaches godparenting classes. I even did a trial run with Mrs. Crocker... I know the ropes! :)"

-> His crown did not know the ropes.

Diagnosed "would not take full custody in the divorce."

Peri, I cannot be any clearer that you can't behave this way around a neglected child right after establishing yourself as a trustworthy figure he can rely on. If this plot goes in the direction of Peri throwing in the towel (or snapping at Dev), I'm gonna crack up.

Like, at this point I am 100% expecting Peri to yell at Dev (maybe not this episode, but someday), and that's going to break this kid. I feel like Jorgen might get involved and separate them, unless Peri is desperate to "not have a failure on his record" or something (seeing as he seems embarrassed his parents know he's a godparent.

-> idk what's up with that yet. I'm genuinely confused. Peri, this is your first chance to see your parents since they dipped for 10k years. I can't get a read on your feelings. Are you angry? Did they invite you and you said No? How old were you? Did you grow up with Mama Cosma? Big Daddy? Boarding school? Inquiring minds need to know!

Maybe it's not been 10k years for him? Was he still existing in the slower-moving present day? Maybe Peri embarked on his own 10k-year trip? I'm puzzled.

-> I feeeeeeel like the time travel is a convenient plot device for the purpose of aging him up without jumping us forward to a more destroyed planet, and we're not going to get a straight answer about what happened with him, which is a shame.

Hmm. I suspect we're not going to delve into his backstory, but I'll hold out hope. Why throw that in there if you're not going to discuss it, though?

Did I miss something? Why does Dev think he doesn't need friends when earlier he wanted to talk to Hazel? Huh. I feel like there's a missing scene there. Hazel rejecting his attempt at an apology would've been helpful for me.

For some reason it's funny to me that the Tooth Fairy offered Peri a job, which he turned down. My brain immediately went Peri -> Cosmo is his dad -> Jorgen is Cosmo's distant relative but they refer to each other as cousins -> Tooth Fairy is Jorgen's wife. I wonder if they hung out together sometimes at like, extended family reunions or something.

-> von Strangles are big on family and Cosmo and Wanda kinda dipped out on theirs, so...

-> omfg, Mama Cosma is out there somewhere like that meme of the guy in the chair leaning over way far, head in her hands, because this is the 2nd time she lost her baby for 10k years. Left to get milk (Again).

He's so cute. I'm so glad to see him back in the series; I missed him so much. He's always been a favorite for me, which was largely based on my own 'fics, so it's really cool to see a character I love showing a wider range of personality onscreen.

HAZEL! If you weren't mad at Dev anymore, you should've told him! He's been miserable about you yelling at him without giving him a chance to share his side!!

His tushie cannot read minds!!

Dev is the kid that you want to get in a fight with because he's mean but then he looks at you like this and you're like " :| "

-> I hate that this is likely how Dale looked at Vicky once upon a time. Dev looks so much like his dad and now I'm like. "Yeah, she probably kicked him down the stairs."

Aww, reunion... <3

I really do like their color scheme and vibes. I've always thought Poof was a good blend of his parents (Good blend of smart, clean, and on top of things while also getting into trouble, holding petty grudges, and making bad or dumb decisions). I'm happy to see him and it's cool to see their hair designs and colors together.

I'm glad "Certifiable Super Sitter" wasn't his swan song from the franchise. It's nice to see a deeper take on his character <3

Patty Possums Party Playground

I'm glad they're making an effort to balance Hazel's Dev interactions with Jasmine and Winn. I keep wondering if they'll get sidelined. This episode seems to be about them, though.

Is the animatronic going to be run-down?

Winn is having the TIME of their life.

Cosmo: We're gonna do this without magic! Hazel: Isn't shrinking Wanda magic?

Immediate prediction: the possum mascot has been summoned to party with them and now she isn't going to let them leave. She'll get aggressive if they try.

Oh no, Cosmo just suggested Wanda use her wand to try getting his out of the claw machine. Is she about to blindly follow and stick it in there like when they were swallowed by a bear and Cosmo suggested dipping it in stomach acid to measure how deep it was and it dissolved? And she just... did it?

YES, sdlkfj. Never change, Wanda.

Nobody tell Gary and Betty there's a Smack-a-Mole game here.

The possum's singing a song about how the party never ends. Yeah, I think I called the plot.

-> Oh, I NAILED THAT!

They're so cute:

Hazel: Friendship isn't only about the moments you're together! It's also about holding each other in your hearts when you're apart! :) Dev, abandoned and confused since their fight: Hey. what.

Wanda dunking on friendship is very funny to me.

A Date to Remember

... Is this with Hazel's parents I assume?

-> Okay, maybe! That title card looks like it is. Also, waning crescent AGAIN? Y'know, the moons were so useful for my OG series episode timeline and I think some will have to be non-canon in New Wish.

I like how Cosmo and Wanda push their backs against each other the same way they used to dance. And I really appreciate how we seem to have a consistent floorplan for Hazel's apartment.

-> Okay, I treat "Cosmonopoly" as the first time they met so if I want to canonize New Wish, I have to un-canonize Cosmo's line about the diner being their first meeting spot, but I can't be mad since I pretty much never see anyone use "Cosmonopoly" for that.

Did Hazel just erase her parents' memories. Oh no, now they've never met! ... Are Cosmo and Wanda allowed to do that? It sounds like they just altered true love.

-> Hazel's parents look the same 11+ years ago as today. I'm a bit surprised by that.

CUPID! ... Oh, wow. His design's changed. I don't think I love it, but I guess it's cool they're doing unique shapes in this show since the OG had the same bodies all the time. I'm glad he's still a grump <3

-> Is he a lot older than Cosmo and Wanda? I'm surprised he aged(?) during normal time when they didn't during 10k years of travel? Is he old or just redesigned? Unclear.

I would make another "IS HE ALLOWED TO DO THAT?" joke here [Cupid trying to set Hazel's mom up with someone else] but... I mean, he's literally the only person who's allowed to do that.

egg baby.

It's hilarious that Hazel convinced her dad to listen to her by saying she's psychic. Of course the parascience scientist would go for that.

-> Note to self, he was interested in it at least 11 years ago.

Cosma confirmed to still be Cosmo's surname!

Cupid's bragging that he won because Brewster (sp?) is going to ask out Angela, but she's totally going to turn him down. Get wrecked, fool.

I am OBSESSED with the fact that Cupid knows all the humans' names. That is a man who does his job. Also I love how he keeps nipping at his bottom lip with his silly buck teeth.

-> I don't remember Cupid knowing people's names in the OG series (I don't think he has much opportunity to say them besides on the dating show in his debut) and now I want to see if that's always been his thing.

-> I'm pretty sure I remember Timmy was given an arrow with his name magically engraved on it at the end of "Love Struck Out," so... interesting.

[biblioflyer]

Nosferatu (2024) takes its Occultism at least as seriously as it’s cinematography.

Exhuming the Spiritual Assumptions

Spoilers ahead (naturally)

One of my guilty pleasures is The Exorcist Files podcast. I don’t really buy into its extremely Catholic spiritual warfare worldview. I am at least a little bit skeptical about the veracity of the stories being recounted. I am both Scully and Mulder on the occult. I find it endlessly fascinating and am very much willing to engage with believers seriously and respectfully but try as I might to develop any sort of consistent religious or spiritual practice, in my core I just don’t exist in the demon haunted world. I believe there are more things in Heaven and Earth than are dreamt of in my philosophy but it’s all so very ineffable to me instead of inerrant.

Right off the bat (or as Matt Berry would say: BAT!) that leads me to my first complication, caveat, and interpretation. Namely that the very heavily Catholic informed worldview of the Nosferatu setting may just be the framework that the characters are using to understand what is happening. This being a variation on The Dracula tale more or less played straight, the audience also would tend to bring that assumption with them. However! I think the role of Willem Dafoe’s character is to push back on the reflexive assumption that capital E Evil exists as a supernatural force therefore Christianity is empirically correct.

Nosferatu weaves around a couple of assumptions largely by neither proving nor disproving them. The trope of a Vampire being repelled by the cross for instance is never tested. The people living in proximity to Orlok’s castle clearly believe this but for all we know they are only situationally free of his power because he has no specific desire to hurt them. Same with hallowed ground. The priests and nuns believe Orlok cannot threaten them but is it beyond question that Orlok actually wants to finish off Thomas?

A couple of recurring themes in demonology are legalism and the need for witnesses. Orlok covets Ellen but his mind has become fixated on dissolving her marriage to Thomas and her willingly giving herself over to Orlok. For the most part the Abrahamic religions treat evil as something that must be chosen. A good many millennia of spilled ink, schisms, and even spilled blood has centered around the question of what it really means to choose and the definition of informed consent. For Orlok’s purposes Ellen seems not to have had sufficient agency to properly choose as a legal child in her society but he could court her until she came of age to be legally and metaphysically responsible for her choices. Alternately it’s possible age was irrelevant and he instead simply lacked the means to bring her to him or go to her until he established a connection with an occultist who had the resources to arrange everything.

Regardless, to some degree Ellen must have agency but Orlok can leverage her by threatening her loved ones including Thomas. Once he escaped the castle, Thomas was more useful as leverage alive and given the belief of the exorcists that Orlok still had influence over Thomas, Orlok may even have subtly pushed him to return home to make it easier for Orlok to locate Ellen if she continued to reject his overtures and collected herself enough to shut out Orlok as she had up until Thomas’ departure. Orlok certainly didn’t put a lot of effort into ensuring that Thomas was really dead and one interpretation of Thomas’s experiences with the exorcists is that Orlok would have been aware that Thomas was alive and could track him down in the material world if he really wanted to badly enough.

Evil’s Prime Directive: Likes, Shares, Subscribes

Which does bring me to witnesses. In Christian demonology specifically while Evil hates Creation generally and Humans in particular, destruction and ruin for its own sake is rarely a primary goal. So while Orlok as an alleged disciple of Belial in life and probable demon incarnated into a body (more on that later) desires to reap Ellen’s soul and brings along an army of plague rats for good measure, there is no point to any of this without survivors to bear witness.

Destroying isn’t enough though, the true objective is to get people to doubt the existence of a just and loving God. According to some like Father Martins of Exorcist Files fame, through a lot of hand waving the real real objective, as dictated by an all powerful God, is to use Evil to remind people that little sins lead to mortal sins and thus they should stay on the straight and narrow and remain under the protection of God.

This is where my inner Crowley would say “And you call me the bad guy!” while Aziraphale throws up his hands and says “It’s ineffable but it must be good, because God is good.” Which is how the formerly henotheistic Israelites and their descendants wind up quietly reintroducing dualism into their monotheism by retconning most of their God’s more wrathful deeds as having actually been the fault of a certain ex-prosecutor turned eldritch terrorist and his gang of personified concepts of wickedness and a few pagan gods who got laid off when their pantheons underwent consolidation and “right sizing.”

Ahem. Sorry. I’m being cheeky, I actually think it’s all very interesting and as a consequence I lose patience with people who don’t understand the history of their beliefs but not because I want to refute them but because how is it not fascinating?

So since Evil’s prime directive is to have someone acknowledge how cool and awesome it is, Orlok wouldn’t view Thomas as a loose end. If Orlok doesn’t need to kill Thomas, then Thomas would be in some sense an accidental missionary. While the Romani hunt vampires and try to warn unwary travelers, their apparent willingness to try to, if not mollify then bait, vampires is useful. Their belief in a supernatural evil and the specific customs they have developed to protect themselves also separate the Romani from more “sophisticated” people whose lack of direct contact with monsters and overt magic cultivates a sense of superiority over superstitious peasants. The maintenance of plausible deniability is also a practice attributed to Evil.

Up to this point I’ve tended to describe Orlok in largely stereotypical demonic terms. The reason being that Orlok presents very different in many respects from more traditional representations of Dracula and even the more bestial depictions of vampires. Orlok himself identifies as “an appetite” when Ellen questions whether he is even capable of love. You are free to read melancholy into this if it suits you to humanize Orlok. I myself view him as a being with very little humanity and is more of a set of base urges with the ability to develop somewhat sophisticated plans to serve those urges but there is little to nothing about him that is able to stray too far from his hungers.

There’s one other scene where I think you could argue Orlok shows a bit of humanity and it’s perversely when he’s being maximally petty. That being when he insists on being addressed as My Lord. As an alleged disciple of Belial, this has a metaphorical meaning and a literal meaning. Belial is an example of one of those concepts that got personified over time as subsequent generations translated the original texts and added their own flourishes. Originally Belial was a description. A slur even. It meant to be worthless. So Orlok in pledging himself to Belial has in some sense given himself a cosmic demotion when his earthly rank was count. Which he would have almost certainly thought was also a divine mantle.

Being a vampire seems like the sort of thing that might seem like a promotion but there’s a lot of suffering that comes with it. More so than the classic Stoker or Anne Rice version. For starters to the extent he is even still the same person, he’s Damned with a capital D and that is portrayed as sucking a lot in the Abrahamic framework. Just the knowledge that they can never be in Heaven or in the presence of God is supposed to be a torment but that tends to get deemphasized because it’s not as relatable a motive for wanting to ruin the world when the audience is flesh and blood and maybe asks uncomfortable questions about global floods and why have a fruit bearing tree if you don’t want people to snack.

So let’s remember why Vampirism sucks in other ways:

There’s an argument to be had about whether he’s a damned ghost haunting his body that hungers for blood as a condition of his continued existence: the feasting upon blood and his other comorbidities being the burdens he must accept for extended life. Life beyond death in an embodied state for humans being a fundamentally unnatural state and thus requiring sacrifice to maintain the equilibrium of nature. So he makes periodic blood sacrifices and in doing so, is alienated from society still further as if being a literal corpse that cannot abide the sun was insufficient.

My own feeling is that the glimpses of Orlok the person may just be the semi petrified remains of the memories in that body, a body being used by an avatar of the Deadly Sin of Gluttony. The vacated body of a former disciple of Belial being a compromised vessel but one that allows more exercise of power over the natural world by virtue of being so alienated from the natural world and obligated by its hungers and nature to confine its activities to a fairly limited range: it can do almost anything it wants towards spreading terror and ruin but can’t take a night off to enjoy a play.

This entity likely being a demon and not being capable of appreciating art or beauty for its own sake. Orlok or the entity wearing his bones didn’t fall in with the wrong crowd and vaguely saunter downward. Traditionally Abrahamic demonology doesn’t allow for demons who are merely just kind of bratty and ask too many questions, blurry lines between good and evil tend to invite a return to henotheism or, gasp, polytheism. A thing other Christians have been accusing those who pray to Saints of for centuries. This is not me implying Catholics are polytheistic mind you, I don’t have any stake in delegitimizing Catholicism and even if I did, treating polytheism as a slur wouldn’t be the hill I’d die on.

A Chronicle of a Dim World but Not Necessarily Pure Darkness

I did say though that I think Christianity was possibly not empirically correct in Nosferatu but rather the framework that everyone involved was interpreting things through. Everyone except Von Franz. Okay I’m just going to refer to him as Willem Dafoe from this point on because he’s such a Willem Dafoe character. He doesn’t automatically assume Ellen is crazy nor does he blame her for anything. His comment about how she could have been a priestess of Isis in another age I think is very revealing about where he draws his ethical lines. I think it’s implicit that he doesn’t think it’s Ellen’s fault a malevolent presence latched onto her when she seemed to have a natural gift for walking the spirit realm in dreams but absent any tutelage or cultural context for managing this ability.

By the Christian paradigm, Ellen has messed up big time and probably irredeemably. Traditionally it’s not good to have dissolved your marriage and pledged yourself to a demonic being whom you then perform a pseudo sex act with. The Abrahamic religions, as traditionally practiced, aren’t very sex positive when it comes to women nor is there much of a concept of spectrums of consent and coercion invalidating sexual and spiritual relations. Traditionally practiced is a phrase doing a lot of work and oversimplifying a lot when it comes to thousands of years and billions of practitioners. Norms obviously varied quite a lot across eras and regions.

Dafoe taking up her cat and staring into the dawn though is rich in hopeful symbolism. Cats got a bit of a bad rep in certain periods due to their tendency to be looked upon fondly by pagans. On the other hand, they were often looked upon fondly by pagans. They’re often portrayed as wise and associated with magic. Plus, and this matters in the context of a plague spread by rats, they eat vermin. If the bodies are piling up, stray cats are on the side of the angels doing their part for humanity one meal at a time.

Given how much Ellen adored her cat, one could say perhaps it’s invested with a measure of spiritual power and is more than just a symbolic surrogate for Ellen. Regardless, I think the context points to Ellen’s sacrifice being both literal and metaphysical. She sacrificed her life and also nullified her sins too. So Van Hellsing, I mean Von Franz may be visually representing a spiritual intercession where Ellen has been snatched away from the Pit.

To get a little Gnostic, Willem Dafoe may be basking in the light of knowledge. He’s seen behind the veil, made testable assumptions, and proven them. Ellen is being taken up to Heaven, Orlok is back in Hell, and Hermes Trismegistus is proud of his star pupil. Although this is truly Ellen’s tale and Ellen’s victory while Willem Dafoe believed in her and kept the well intentioned white knights from getting everyone killed by interfering with an unorthodox solution they’d no doubt object to on the basis that it was super icky. Although in their defense, I consider myself a pretty enlightened 21st century man but I’d probably try to talk my partner out of it and be a bit of a pest if she told me we needed to get divorced so she could shag a demon to death to save not just my life but the lives of untold thousands.

In the finest tradition of horror heroines, Ellen was a hard woman making hard choices and in sacrificing herself she took a groomer demon of pestilence and hunger with her.

And maybe, just maybe I’ve over complicated all of this and it’s just a metaphor for how bad women have it with online dating where the astral plane is the apps and Orlok is a creepy dude who becomes obsessed after an underage girl is nice to him once.

Epilogue: Again, with all due respect to the character, this would have been my humble suggestion for a hidden bonus track on the soundtrack.

[estiebestieban]

omg your tags were ABSOLUTELY PERFECT! you understood exactly what i was trying to say in my post and i truly appreciate that.

of course no one HAS to like esteban but whenever i see someone hate on him i just want to ask "why?". because pretty much 99% of the time their reasoning for hating on esteban is based off one of the narratives that has been thoroughly disproved, not just in my post (i don't think that highly of myself lmao) but in many testimonies over the years. i've even seen people say they don't really know anything about him and then just write paragraphs of lies to justify their dislike of someone they OPENLY ADMIT they could be wrong about! and if their whole basis for hating on a driver is based on a bunch of lies, then what's left once the falsehoods are deconstructed you know? (and if you're one of the 1% then go ahead - i can't stop you lmao!)

also i actually had written a line about how esteban's teammates, who have all been VERY TALENTED when it comes to getting the media on their side, have absolutely used this negative perception of esteban to boost themselves (i even had interview quotes from fernando and pierre at the ready and was trying to find some from checo) but i ended up removing it because i didn't want to be accused of using my post to hate on the aforementioned drivers. because of course my extensively researched and cited 1000+ word essay that i spent hours on and collaborated with multiple blogs was all written for a single line in which i "hate" on two drivers...

there are definitely times where i wish that esteban would play the media game and speak his truth (and i think he's actually testing the waters a bit with very reasonable statements). but that's not how he wants to approach things and i have so much respect for that. and considering all the team principals (including his very likely future team principal ayao komatsu) and other paddock members have vouched for him over the years, i think it was the right decision.

anyways sorry for another mini-essay in your ask box but i just wanted to say thanks again for your tags <3

You're so right for your post and you're always invited into my askbox for mini (or full length tbh) essays because you get it!!! (As do all other esteban stans I've seen on here cheers to like all five of us.

As a Dutch fan, the one question I get asked most is "Oh you must be a Max fan, right?" and when my answer is no, people go down the list of possible drivers I could be a fan of, but somehow they never say Esteban. When I say I'm an Alpine fan, the gut punch response is always "Oh, Fernando/Pierre, I get it."

While there is nothing wrong inherently wrong with assuming favourites, it's wild to me that even when I narrow it down to three possible drivers, Esteban still isn't even considered.

Even when I'm surrounded by major fans of the sport, the concept of Esteban having a genuine fan is foreign to people. I understand that most people around me view the sport through the lens of the Viaplay vision (and previously ZiggoSport) which favours Max to the extreme, and who couldn't give less fucks about other drivers. Esteban is hardly mentioned during broadcast, and when he is, it is always in a negative way (that's what happens when you take out the golden boy once I guess)

I've had this discussion time and time again, where I point out that Esteban drives in a similar style like Fernando - but where Fernando is praised for his balls and his attitude, Esteban is shoved aside as reckless and a danger. Where Max is hailed as the second coming of Christ, Esteban is deemed as a liability on track.

Why? Because he isn't considered charismatic enough? Even when he has countless fun and endearing interviews?

The media continues to cut Esteban out of the narrative wherever they can. An example would be people pushing the Pierre/Charles friendship for a dramatic tale of childhood friends turned competitors, but they leave out Esteban time and time again - like we don't have various images showing their closeness during their karting days.

Also, we forget way too often that Esteban and Max were rookies together in f3 in 2014 who both skipped f2 to go straight to f1. Only one of them won f3 that year, and it wasn't Max

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

can you explain why you dont believe the titanic switch conspiracy theory? didnt they find a propeller with "olympic" written on it amongst the wreckage?

i feel like the phrase "you just activated my trap card" applies here but i have also never watched yu-gi-oh so dont fully know the correct use of that. anyway whats the text limit on a tumblr post because i think i might hit it with this response.

before we begin (if you wanna join me on this fucking journey), ill just drop some useful sources on the topic:

olympic & titanic - an analysis of the robin gardiner conspiracy theory dissertation by mark chirnside in july 2006

titanic or olympic: which ship sank? by steve hall and bruce beveridge

olympic & titanic: the truth behind the conspiracy by steve hall and bruce beveridge

with that shipkeeping housekeeping out of the way, lets jump into it after the cut

so hands up, how many people knew that this theory originated in a book from 1995?

yeah, its a pretty modern theory considering titanic sank in 1912. the theory originated in the riddle of the titanic by robin gardiner and dan van der dat.

and the theory argues that the ships were switched and titanic (actually olympic) was deliberately sank as part of an insurance scam. now they didnt do this at all for shits and giggles. instead, the theory posits that the navy enquiry that followed the 1911 collision between hms hawke and olympic was biased which meant white star line couldnt recover the costs of repair from lloyds (the insurance company), and therefore, they wrote olmpic off as too damaged to be repaired, lied about the amount of damage, switched the ships and sank olympic disguised as titanic to recover some costs.

far-fetched? oh definitely and it gets worse, but ill leave that til later in this gargantuan response because its really fucking funny.

(seriously, i recommend you read til the end or just skip to the part where i start talking about the sinking itself because fam, gardiners theory gets wild )

according to van der dat, who is a dutch journalist and naval history writer with an incredibly dutch name, gardiner had wrote the manuscript after researching the titanic for however many years and sent it to his literary agent. this agent had previously worked with van der dat and so sent it to him to double-check the information by going back to the original sources. he then rewrote the book with line-by-line consultation with gardiner.

and would you like to hear a quote from van der dat regarding the theory? i think you would:

"the publishers were disillusioned when the theory did not stand up"

he also, in correspondence with titanic author and researcher paul lee, called it "bilge" which is a fun ship joke alongside calling the theory bullshit.

anyway, the publishers went ahead with the book anyway because fuck integrity, i guess... thats kinda harsh considering this first book (oh yeah, theres more) was praised for stellar research and for being balanced, and the final chapter of the book literally acknowledges that the wreck has titanics shipyard number (401) on it, hence disproving the theory.

in 1997, it was published in the us under the name the titanic conspiracy - cover-ups and mysteries of the worlds most famous sea disaster, and it sold like sliced bread in 1928 because 1997 was titanic fever, baby!

unsurprisingly, gardiner's following books (titanic: the ship that never sank? in 1998; the history of the white star line in 2001; the great titanic conspiracy in 2010) were a lot less well-received and were not co-authored by van der dat.

-

"but wait, kai!" you might shout if youre up to date with issues of the times from 1914, "what about raymond asquith's comments? he was junior counsel for the board of trade at the sinking inquiry!"

and i would say, what about it? the letter asquith wrote to the times was a sarcastic letter in response to a prior stance taken by the paper.

yes, he said "the architect, the owner, and the captain to repair their desperate fortunes by sinking the ship and sharing the insurance money" but said letter also included the phrase "manipulating dummy icebergs".

if were taking sarcastic or satirical responses outside of their original contexts as serious quotes, then i guess i need to cancel my dropout subscription since the company holds the opinion that oj simpson is innocent.

and while were here, that single deathbed confession from james fenton is not evidence of anything. his name is not on any crew lists or survivor lists, and not a single payment was ever claimed by a crewman called james fenton. he was not on board the titanic and his claims hold no water.

-

now, my go-to explanation as to why i dont believe the switch theory is that their insurance scam would have lost them money and they would know that it would have lost them money.

see, it cost white star (which was a subsidiary of the international mercantile marine) £1.5million/$7.5million to build titanic and they insured it by lloyds (you can check their records on their website) for £1million/$5million.

you dont have to be good at maths to see a problem here.

they didnt just not insure the rest; it was self-insured by imm's insurance fund, but that still means theyd have lost £500,000/$2.5million on the sunken ship.

this whole insurance thing was established by uh the united states senate inquiry report:

"the vessel fully equipped, cost £1,500,000 sterling, or about $7,500,000. at the time of the accident the vessel carried insurance of £1,000,000 sterling or about $5,000,000, the remaining risk being carried by the company's insurance fund."

oh and the £1,000,000 insurance was announced in the daily mirror on 16th april 1912

and the insurance scam seemingly thought up by someones whose first and only introduction to maths was golf isnt the only way white star would have lost money on this.

after the sinking, olympic was temporarily pulled from service to increase safety measures like adding more lifeboats. obviously, a logical move made by a company with a brand new, safer ship on their hands who were desperate for any money they can make.

white star also halted construction of britannic, titanics other sister ship, in order to alter the design and make it safer. this costs quite a bit of money and is, again, an odd choice for a company apparently desperate for money.

-

and hey, question for you guys: if you were alive in 1913 and needed to cross the atlantic, would you

a) choose the near identical sister ship of that ship that sank last year and was the deadliest sinking of a ship at that time

or

b) choose any other option such as the lusitania or the mauretania or the ss france or the ss imperator

personally id take my chances with option a, idk about you

yeah so the point im making here is that the sinking of the titanic was what the kids say

a marketing disaster

it was the loss of the newest flagship on its maiden fucking voyage and it had been touted as "practically unsinkable". maybe just maybe people wouldnt feel that comfortable getting on a white star line ship after that.

i dont have any figures for you because reading through a detailed account of white stars history just is not on my to-do list, but that doesnt even matter. what matters is that its clearly a massive risk and who the fuck is taking that risk?

as titanic author, senan molony states:

"one doesnt need to compare designs and count portholes - a moments serious consideration of the reputational risk involved - individually and collectively - is all that is required to end any entertainment of the notion"

-

anyway, you guys wanna compare designs and count portholes? yeah? okay, here we go!

may i present a non-exhaustive list of differences between the ships:

olympics wheelhouse was curved; titanics was flat

titanic was 4 inches longer

the porthole arrangements on shelter deck c were different

on b deck, olympic had a 1st class promenade; titanic had 2 private verandahs and suites (put a pin in this by the way, it comes back in the best of ways)

titanic had additional cabins on promenade deck a

olympics promenade was open all the way along; on titanic, the forward half of the 1st class promenade on a-deck was enclosed with retractable glass screens

on titanic, the forward bridge wings aft docking bridge on the stern extended over the ships side by a couple of feet; this would not be true for olympic until the 1912/13 refit

the officers deck house was pushed out more on titanic

the iron gates of the elevators were different between the ships and this is evident in the wreck itself

their propellers had different pitches and hence not interchangeable (pitch is a theoretical concept which is like the distance a propeller would move if it turned once through something solid, yeah i dont know either)

the wireless cabin had an outside window on olympic, but not titanic

further, it was placed on the port side of the officers deck house on olympic but amidship on titanic

they had different air vent arrangements around the funnels

white star line cut the ships names into the shell-plating at the bow and stern, four feet high and a ½ inch deep

now, please, close your eyes, take a deep breath and consider how much money it would cost to switch just the list above. now compare all of that to the -£500,000/$2.5million youre losing in the insurance scam.

truly, a spend less on candles situation.

and while we're here, shall we quickly talk about how much hush money white star would be paying to silence everyone about this since its apparently an illegal insurance scam.

not to make another non-exhaustive list but heres just who i can think of that youd have to silence:

the 15,000 workers employed directly by the shipyard

the 20,000+ workers in support services or sub contractors

any permanent or casual staff at the belfast dock and harbour comission

all of the officers and crew who came directly from olympic onto titanic such as the captain or stewardess violet jessop (puppet history fans rise up) who interestingly remarked on how improved titanic was compared to olympic

any staff at white star, imm and harland & wolff (where she was built) who would be in the know such as designers

passengers who had previously sailed on olympic who then sailed on titanic

just like anyone in belfast who walked past while the ships were docked together

olympics wreckers: thomas wards & sons who kept huge loose-leaf ledgers for each ships. the one for olympic was 72 pages long and funnily enough olympics yard number and builders I'd frequently appear in it, as seen below

bob ballard who was the one who found titanic. hes known as a very honest man and didnt even claim salvage rights on titanic because he assumed everyone else would also recognise it was a gravesite. he also said "i think it is the titanic at the bottom of the ocean"

every other explorer or researcher like james fucking cameron or us navy consultant and titanic wreck explorer, parks stephenson

its been estimated likely over 60,000 people were involved in just the building of titanic. this was ⅕ of belfasts population and ⅓ of the working population. heres a photo of them leaving olympic at the end of the day

now maybe im just a fool, but that looks like a lot of people you need to silence, and unless white star were blackmailing them or idk fucking killing them i guess, thats a lot of hush money just in the photo above.

i mean, theres also the claim, from noted liar james fenton, that the surviving crew were forced to sign the official secrets act of 1911, but that act was about espionage that benefits the enemy military so im not sure how this is relevant to the switch, and also, again, the guy was never on the ship.

are you perhaps starting to get the picture as to why i dont believe the conspiracy theory because im still going.

-

okay so as established, if the ships were switched, there would have clearly been a lot of work that would need to be done to switch the ships.

and i only mentioned some of the structural differences, i didnt get into the aesthetic differences like the floor tiles and carpeting being different colours, or how the lounge furniture in each ship having the ship name on them.

mind you, this is what titanic looked like (in the foreground) when olympic was first docked next to her:

this was taken around october 11. olympic docked next to titanic on october 7th for repairs after that whole catastrophic collision.

now how much time do you think it was before olympic sailed away? mind you, titanic has already been launched at this point and just needs to be fitted-out, and that normally takes around 4 to 6 months?

oh, what was that? 44 days? why, kid, youre going somewhere. it was 44 days exactly!

now, i dont think i need to get into the fact that the dock only had 1 crane (which you needed to install and uninstall funnels and machinery) that physically couldnt reach olympic unless she was moved or how olympic was painted white for her launch and then painted black and that the white paint would get exposed in rough weather so the same would have to be applied to titanic so it would look convincingly like olympic.

i mean, you have that information now, but im hoping just by the words "44 days", you might get how off the wall insane it is to suggest white star was able to switch the ships so well no one noticed for decades in 44 fucking days.

"wait kai, youre forgetting that they were docked together again!" you shout, "after olympic threw a propeller, they were docked together from march 1st to march 7th 1912"

and i dont know dude, im pretty sure white star cant warp space time so i really dont know what eight extra days is gonna do.

i hate to strawman but man, the late robin gardiner would have won a gold medal in scarecrow hide and seek.

-

lets also take a quick detour into the idea that olympics repairs were so expensive.

without getting into gardiners claims about the damage because theres no evidence of it and as mark chirnside states "there are no credible sources indicating that the damage to olympic was worse than reported at the time - and indeed ample sworn expert testimony to the contrary", lets just quickly go over some financial stuff.

during the case, it was unofficially estimated that the damage didnt exceed $125,000. imm, by including lost passenger receipts, wanted to claim for as high as $750,000, but they lost that case.

during the year 1911, imms surplus profit was $822,062. so weve got:

750,000 < 822,062

now as we might remember from key stage 1 maths, the bigger number wants to eat the smaller number, aka, their surplus profit covered the costs of repair.

aka, no ill-advised insurance scam needed.

-

"thousands of people in belfast would have seen the switch operation - and yet there is not one word in the papers of reporters or photographers rushing out to find out what was happening."

-dr paul lee

so this is the section where i ask how did no one fucking notice?

no one on titanic, who had previously sailed on olympic, ever said anything about the switch other than one guy who was literally not on the ship at any point.

no one who has ever explored the wreck or done research on it has definitively stated it was olympic. rather, they have definitively stated otherwise.

for example, what remains of the base on the wheelhouse shows it to be straight and not curved, and as you might remember: titanics wheelhouse was heterosexual straight and olympics was curved.

(id be impressed if you did remember)

also, as parks stephenson has stated:

"weve got actual high def images of this wreck. ive seen with my own eyes. weve identified the name titanic on the port bow"

its difficult to make out but its there; the name is on the fucking ship.

also, as you might remember, titanics b-deck was different to olympics. the 2 suites there were nicknamed the "millionaire suites" and jim cameron has used rovs to go inside of them.

funnily enough, robin gardiner has gone on the record saying that these suites didnt exist so make of that what you will.

and further, no one noticed anything about olympic even though she sailed for 24 more years. theres no written record of anything, theres nothing in the board of trade reports, theres no photographic proof and theres not even fucking hearsay.

she served as a damn troopship in ww1, youd figure someone would figure it out as all of her fittings were ripped out.

but no, theres nothing.

as i mentioned above, olympic was scrapped in 1935, but some of her fittings were auctioned off and still exist today. and these have the number 400 on them because that was her shipyard number. titanics was 401 and the wreck reflects this also:

the wooden parts are from olympic; the other has been salvaged from titanics wreck.

theres even the famous myth that olympic or olympus as one person told me is written on the propeller at the bottom of the ocean. its not, but you can see the number 401 written on it:

-

and while were disproving myths about the name olympic being on the titanic, the story about olympic being engraved on titanics lifeboats is also false:

theres no written testimony, no sketches and no photographs of this.

white star didnt engrave names onto lifeboats, the names were on metal plates that were screwed on

do you really think they did all of this work but just didnt fucking swap the lifeboats? if theyre this stupid, how did it take until 1995 for someone to figure it out?

-

we can also discuss the stupid olympic room thing while were here. see theres a maritime superstition that changing the name on a ship is bad luck and obviously, if youre swapping the ships, youre changing the names.

so to... get around this? cheat luck? outsmart superstition? i dont fucking know, to take a detour to avoid this, white star named a room "the olympic room."

i cannot find any evidence at all that this room ever existed. its not in the design plans or the blueprints, and no passenger or crew has ever said it existed, so im pretty sure the room just didnt exist.

and even if it did exist, titanic was in the olympic class of ships. thats what olympic, titanic and britannic were. its not weird to have an olympic room on an olympic class ship. i mean it is weird in this case since the room didnt exist, but you get my point.

-

and heres some quickfire myths and falsehoods

the myth about the 14 vs 16 bow portholes is also a false. yes, titanic had 14 portholes on launch but an extra 2 were added before her maiden voyage so yes, the ship photographed departing southampton with 16 bow portholes is the titanic, and do you really think it would take 83 years to figure this out if it was this easy?

similarly, titanic did have evenly spaced b-deck windows on launch, but then the extra verandahs and suites were added so the window configuration was altered, so that photograph is off the titanic.

the idea that titanic had a 2 degree list to port like the olympic before her is evidence of the switch theory is, to borrow a word from dan van der dat, bilge. plenty of ships at the time and now have minor lists. the one on titanic was only recorded by 2 passengers and we know that the list was related to coal consumption. it means nothing.

jp morgan (owner of imm) did not cancel last minute. as mark baber points out on encyclopedia titanica, it was announced in the new york times that hed be in venice on april 23. at that time, transatlantic voyages took at least 5 days so it would at least be a 10 day round trip and likely not give him time to get to venice for the opening of a store of whatever it was.

also, j bruce ismays wife and kids also didnt cancel last minute. theyd already decided to go on holiday to wales rather than sail on titanic.

addendum to that point: if ismay knew it was going to be sank deliberately and so warned his wife, why would he get on board himself? further, why would harland and wolff designer thomas andrews (who did not survive by the way) get on board?

-

and we're finally at my favourite part of this entire mess: the sinking itself.

see, a deliberate sinking doesnt really make sense for titanic because the conditions under which she sank has led to the descriptor "freak sinking."

these are: a new moon meaning less light, unusually calm ocean that disallowed lookouts to watch for foam as waves hit any icebergs, ice having drifted further south than normal for that time of year, and a sideways glancing blow that breached more watertight compartments than the ship could handle and stay afloat.

and idk dude, is there not an easier way? like maybe some light arson. just call it an accidental fire that got out of control and led to the ship being a write-off, this isnt difficult.

but you see gardiner has an answer to this, and i am laughing as im typing this, he claims that:

titanic didnt hit an iceberg, it hit an imm rescue ship.

thats right, this guy fully says titanic didnt hit an iceberg. apparently it hit another ship and NO ONE FUCKING NOTICED

i mean we have testimony from survivors but fuck them i guess.

he claims that as titanic was apparently a "steel double-hulled vessel" so an iceberg simply couldnt inflict so much damage.

yeah titanic wasnt double-hulled. she had a double bottom, but it was only after titanic that shipbuilders were like ah maybe full double hulls arent an unnecessary expense after all.

theres also the issue of uh no evidence of this rescue ship ever existing? at all? i dont know where it came from, i dont know where it went, and who fucking knows, maybe it was called the rms cotton eyed joe.

yeah so weve got a theory riddled with problems and im just gonna introduce some more problems with this theory as gardiner has also alleged that:

the original plan was to open the seacocks and slowly flood the ship, but this was interrupted by titanic hitting another ship

1) titanic didnt have seacocks? and 2) was the rest of it a coincidence then? i think its meant to be a coincidence.

i believe his theory is alleging that the crew on titanic would open the seacocks that didnt exist to flood the ship slowly, and that the imm rescue ship that also didnt exist was in the area in advance to help evacuate passengers, alongside other ships such as the ss californian.

this is that ship that was like 10 miles away or something and didnt respond to titanics distress signals. according to gardiner, they were expecting a rendezvous with titanic according to the "original plan", but never received it.

instead, they saw the rockets of the fabled imm rescue ship and helped them instead.

this is fucking stupid.

i cant be charitable here, its a fucking stupid theory. i mean, that imm ship did not exist, and also californian is a ridiculous choice for a rescue ship. her capacity was 47 passengers and 55 crew; there were more than 2200 people on board titanic.

to counteract this argument, gardiner alleges carpathia was also in on the scheme as a rescue ship. she, at least, had capacity for the passengers, but theres also several problems with this too.

for one, it was fucking 50 miles away and famously arrived several hours after the sinking even though the captain had her running at top speed to get there.

for two, carpathia was owned by cunard, white stars rival. was their rival line in on the insurance scam??? how much money did they have to pay cunard for this????? why? just why?

do you understand why i dont believe it? please tell me you understand. i need you to understand. i need you to tell me that you understand that the guy who created this conspiracy claimed titanic didnt hit an iceberg.

[ukfrislandembassy]

I think linguistics has a huge methodological problem, in that while there exist some formalised methodologies for conducting investigations, it's clear that you don't have to pursue any of them to actually get ahead academically because linguists aren't actually as scientifically rigorous as they would like to think.

This has knock-on effects for more general experimental design, because it is extremely common to find studies which purport to prove/disprove some hypothesis, but when you actually look at the methodology they use you find that it doesn't actually provide evidence for the point they're attempting to make.

Of course the most common place to find this kind of stuff is in the Generativist literature, which is awash with claims the phenomena they describe is only explainable through the assumption of Universal Grammar/a Language Organ/whatever, when in fact non-innatist models work just as well. But this isn't the only part of the field that is susceptible to this.

So for instance there was a paper put out in Science recently that claims to have found evidence to counteract the idea that social structure can have an impact on the structure of the language (most notably explicated by Peter Trudgill in his 2011 book Sociolinguistic Typology, give it a read if you can find it). They take demographic data from Ethnologue and compares this with a couple of metrics which supposedly quantify linguistic complexity.

Leaving aside the (sometimes glaring) issues with the way the metrics are defined (they perhaps could have done with reading Dahl 2004 The Growth and Maintenance of Linguistic Complexity), we can already spot a major problem with using these correlations to make claims regarding the Sociolinguistic Typology hypothesis: the phenomena in question are explicitly diachronic in nature, but the data being used to assess them is solely synchronic.

What do I mean by this? It's been suggested that English morphology is less complex relative to e.g. German because of contact with the large numbers of Old Norse speakers that settled in the Danelaw. The trouble is, of course, that all those Norse speakers later shifted to English, so this large community of L2 learners won't show up in the data, despite the effects still being apparent after over 1000 years. Similar points can be made about most of the languages where these kinds of effects have been proposed: it was precisely the process of these languages spreading rapidly and acquiring a large speakerbase in a disorganised fashion that cause these changes to occur. Indeed, the authors specifically note that education and official language status are factors that would mitigate against the failures of L2 transmission that are claimed to cause these simplification effects, but don't then seem to acknowledge that this is a major issue for extrapolating the correlations anywhere further back than the 19th Century.

I think there are several things going on here which have led to this kind of thing being possible. Firstly, linguistics has always had an uneasy continuing relationship with the rest of the humanities and parts of the sciences (particularly neurobiology and acoustics), because it touches on so many of them at once. Secondly, and relatedly, we've had a fairly significant period where the core theoretical concerns of linguistics were essentially driven by a philosopher (Chomsky), which created a model of research that explicitly rejected empirical work and argued for much of its base assumptions (such as 'Poverty of the Stimulus') almost entirely by thought experiment. Empirically minded subfields continued to exist (Trudgill for instance made his career as a sociolinguist), but empiricism has been slow to make a return to theoretical linguistics. As a result, it seems to me that, at least in typology, people are still getting to grips with the idea of formulating hypotheses and actually working out tests that actually assess those hypotheses. Thirdly, because again of Chomsky, linguistics has had a strongly mathematical character in terms of its conception of language, and this again still lingers in the design of these kinds of studies. Everything has to be quantified in such a way that a simple computer model can work with it, but the trouble is there's frequently little room for the nuances of individual languages (e.g. Irish and Welsh are both counted on WALS as having the same value for inflection on adpositions, but actually a detailed study of the two languages reveals their systems work really quite differently, as I'll perhaps post on another time) which can therefore have knock-on effects for the analysis of any correlations thus derived.

[nikethestatue]

"So you just proved my point by fundamentally not understanding it?

I don't vibe with GA but I don't go out of my way to make up a fake ship to 'disprove' it and I don't harass or doxx people online when they don't agree with me.

You want to vibe with GA, go ahead. Don't try to act like those who don't are crazy and that GA is the actual canon ship.

I am not a proselytizer. I don't care if you or anyone become an Elriel. You, on the other hand, try to destroy anyone who isn't GA. We aren't the same." Except that it's not some fake ship and it's disingenuous to say that it is - there are canon hints, as there are with Elriel (I'm not saying that there aren't hints towards any of the disputed ships) - the fact is that both ships do have a possibility of happening based on the set up in the books, which makes both of them, until actually confirmed by canon (which it has not been yet), technically rarepairs. (SJM does this to keep us interested and talking about theories - it works. Yay word of mouth publicity.) We all have our opinions on which way SJM will go, but the fact is none of the pairings are yet canon. No one has actually gotten together on page.

That aside, there are MANY in this fandom that need to learn the fandom etiquette of "Ship and Let Ship" and that your ship doesn't have to be canon in order to enjoy it.

I also think it's very interesting that, because I disagree with you, you automatically assume I am a Gwynriel. I am a multi-shipper and enjoy many ships, both canon and not, because fandom is supposed to be about fun, not who wins. You're right. We're not the same because I don't spend my days trying to tear down the opinions of others when they differ from my own. (And before you try to twist what I'm saying, my original ask was about your behavior in this fandom, not your ship preference.)

Except that it's not some fake ship and it's disingenuous to say that it is - No, there are no 'hints' for anything romantic. There are interactions. That's it. Like Cassian and Emerie. Like Cassian and Feyre. Like Lucien and Feyre. Like Azriel and Nesta.

there are canon hints, as there are with Elriel (I'm not saying that there aren't hints towards any of the disputed ships) - the fact is that both ships do have a possibility of happening based on the set up in the books, which makes both of them, until actually confirmed by canon (which it has not been yet), no, they are not technically or untechnically 'set up' in the books'. Nothing in regards to Gwynriel has been 'set up'. Zero. Elucien is set up via the bond. Elriel is set up via mutual attraction. technically rarepairs. (SJM does this to keep us interested and talking about theories - it works. Yay word of mouth publicity.) We all have our opinions on which way SJM will go, but the fact is none of the pairings are yet canon. No one has actually gotten together on page. Is sexual consummation only requirement for a couple to get together on page? Because Elriel CERTAINLY got together on page over and over again. In fact, I'd say 75% of their appearances have been connected to each other in some way.

That aside, there are MANY in this fandom that need to learn the fandom etiquette of "Ship and Let Ship" and that your ship doesn't have to be canon in order to enjoy it. Enjoy your ship. No one is stopping you. Don't try to convince me or others that your ship is the RIGHT ship. Is all.

I also think it's very interesting that, because I disagree with you, you automatically assume I am a Gwynriel. You are. Or an Elucien. I am a multi-shipper and enjoy many ships, both canon and not, because fandom is supposed to be about fun, not who wins. No, you aren't. If you are that bothered to come on my blog and continuously send Anon, you aren't the mythical multi-shipper. You're right. We're not the same because I don't spend my days trying to tear down the opinions of others when they differ from my own. Obviously you do. As in, this. (And before you try to twist what I'm saying, my original ask was about your behavior in this fandom, not your ship preference.) For me to 'tear down' anything, I have to actually engage with the other side to tear them down. Not something I do. Just because you have an opinion, doesn't mean it's the right one. Not all opinions need to be accepted and rewarded. I offer evidence, and support for Elriel and what SJM wrote. I don't sit around associating Lucien with the sun, or sunflowers. I don't sit around pretending like SJM would write an MMC gagging for one woman's cunt and in the same chapter, move on to another, and that it's just 'so romantic'.

PS I don't have any 'behaviour in the fandom'. I am an Elriel, I've been one of the most peaceful Elriels for 4.5 years. I don't have any other social media, so my 'behavior' is pretty tame, I would say, reserved for my shitty lil Tumblr. I don't spend any time writing hate posts about Gwyn, or Lucien, or anyone else. I don't give a shit. I do give a shit about people trying to gaslight others. So no, I won't fold or pretend to be faux nice.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: (INFJ. 21) I am ashamed and isolated because my sense of fun doesn't coincide with people and society's sense of fun. I don't drink, smoke or go to nightclubs, and I hate those kind of things, but at the same time I feel I am not allowed to have fun and connect with others in any other way but that, and it makes me feel disconnected from humanity.

Your thinking seems quite extreme and one-sided. Society is a big, big place; we're talking thousands, millions, even billions of people. There are many different kinds of people with many different kinds of interests. Social isolation tends to make people very small-minded. By your own admission, you have been isolated a long time, which means you simply haven't seen enough of the social world to make objective and reasonable judgments about it.

I am a very serious and uptight person in real life but I actually enjoy doing childish things. I like going to amusement parks, dodgems, go-karts, arcades, inflatables, camping, some type of toys like stuffed animals and dolls (I don't collect and I am not obsessed with them though), exploring abandoned places, games such as Just Dance, Twister and housey-housey, jumping and doing acrobatics on trampolines, but also some socially acceptable things such as dancing, skating and barbeques, but I repress everything and I never “have fun” in real life.

I have done almost all of those activities with my friends, and we are all well into adulthood. I've even done them with my parents and their middle-aged and elderly friends of all stripes. I see absolutely no reason to hang our heads in shame. You wouldn't even know about many of those activities if they weren't popular enough to make money and continue to exist. Even if it's true that the majority of people around you don't take an interest in them (which is, again, very few people given how small your social world is), it doesn't make those interests any less valid. Are people not allowed to simply like what they like? Are any of those interests morally wrong? It sounds like there is something very off about your moral judgment, which speaks to a need to improve your moral reasoning skills. Poor moral reasoning is one major reason people suffer from excessive guilt or shame.

As a consequence, I am stuck in a limbo where I am miserable and bored but I also find the things that majority of people do boring, so I am not allowed to do anything. I am not someone who wants to be a child forever, I do have a genuine purpose (which, by chance, happened to be something that's the opposite of childish in society's eyes), ambition and career prospects in life, if that's the “grown up” thing you need from me to prove I'm not a complete extraterrestrial freak.

I have zero interest in judging you. Question for reflection: Why do you feel the need to prove anything? Due to projection, self-critical INFJs always imagine that they are being judged by everyone. This can compel them to try to get ahead of criticism or disprove negative judgments. These quests are a waste of time because 1) you can't avoid criticism in life, and 2) you can't change people's minds when they are intent on believing the worst.

What you can control, though, is how you judge yourself. Shame comes from the way you judge yourself. If you have a problem with being too self-critical, the first step is to own the problem and admit that you are the one doing the judging. Criticism can only trigger you when there is something within you that believes you are deserving of it. There is something about your way of evaluating yourself that needs to change.

Obsessing about how the world doesn't live up to your expectations is merely a distraction. Blaming others for how you feel is one common way to get stuck in Ni-Ti loop. Shame is your emotion; you generated it and it is up to you to understand why. Toxic shame is a serious issue and I have written about it before. It involves 1) believing what others say without critical reflection, as well as 2) believing the worst of yourself even though there is no rational reason for doing so. Given the distortions in your beliefs, it sounds like your toxic shame runs deep, perhaps it's a good idea to get professional help for it.

Sometime ago I found myself together with some early teens so the only thing I spoke about with them was careers because I felt that was the only thing I was allowed to do. I don't need to be told it was weird and socially inappropriate to only ever talk about future professions with those children because I fucking know already. When they started playing catch I wanted to join but I didn't, and I thought it was shameful, twisted, sick and deranged of me to want that, I felt like a pedo so I left.

Pedophilia is defined as sexual attraction toward minors. Are you saying it's impossible for an adult to enjoy innocent play with children because of having sexual feelings? If so, then, yes, that would make you a pedophile and you should indeed avoid children. If not, then why wouldn't you allow yourself to have fun with them, especially since fun is what you really need? Children tend to be accepting and love to play with anyone who is willing to chill and have a good time.

The division between "child" and "adult" is not as black-and-white as you believe it is. There is no legal or moral reason that adults cannot enjoy some activities that children enjoy. You seem to have concocted some very extreme beliefs and inflexible rules about what you can/can't do when socializing. Why?

When INFJs get stuck in Ni-Ti loop, they are resisting Fe development, so they unconsciously invent all manner of false beliefs to hold themselves back from getting the socializing they need. This situation with the children is a good example. If you believe adults shouldn't play with children, how are children meant to learn about the world? They require a positive influence from their elders and you could step up and fill that role for them. Yet, you can't, because you have a personal problem with feeling "childish" and it is too uncomfortable to confront, so rejection of yourself leads to rejection of the kids, thus losing a good opportunity to socialize.

When people stop themselves from fulfilling important needs, such as social needs, they suffer terribly. How can you be happy by constantly depriving yourself? If you treated someone else that way, it would be considered abuse. Why are you abusing yourself?

I think it all started when, other than joining the “adult world” and noticing I can't have fun with others because they don't share my sense of fun, a friend of mine told me I was “childish” for liking to explore abandoned places, and it hasn't left my mind ever since. My requited crush (ESFP) also told me I was weird once, and I started to feel even more ashamed because he's socially adept, popular and belongs to the world, and also kinda conformist because he does and is everything that society deems socially acceptable and enjoys it.

The real issue isn't "childishness" at all. The real issue is you were invalidated and it hurt because you lack the emotional and intellectual tools to handle criticism. Human beings are social creatures and need a sense of social belonging, so invalidation and criticism aren't pleasant experiences for anyone. No society is perfect. Every society has great diversity of personalities and you are bound to run into people who are very different from you, which means there's no avoiding invalidating experiences in life. What matters most is how you choose to respond to those experiences.

On one extreme of the spectrum, people stubbornly stand by what they believe even when everyone tells them they are wrong; on the other extreme of the spectrum, people just believe everything they are told without second thought. If you genuinely want to get out of Ni-Ti loop, you have to actively counter extreme and unreasonable thinking patterns whenever they appear in your mind. The healthy middle ground is to listen to what people say, in case they are making a valid point, and then do the critical mental work to evaluate it objectively, in order to extract truth and utility.

What you've done, through Ni-Ti loop, is taken the pain of invalidation/criticism and run off into the land of extreme thinking, eventually getting lost there. You exist on both extremes of the spectrum. On one hand, you just believe whatever negative thing people say about you, which leads you to feel ashamed. On the other hand, something within you can't agree with what was said, which leads you to stubbornly or angrily defend yourself. When you get stuck in such extremes, it is logically untenable, which means it causes psychological instability. What started out as a small hurt of invalidation/criticism has now been blown out of proportion into something so painful that you need to invent false beliefs to rationalize the terrible position you find yourself in.

These kinds of negative thinking patterns indicate a dire need for you to improve your emotional intelligence. The first step is learning to accept and embrace all of your feelings and emotions so that they don't always get blown out of proportion. Your feelings and emotions are important messages that help you maintain good mental health. However, when you don't process them properly, they have the potential to damage your mental health.

For example, it is quite reasonable to feel hurt by invalidation, but it is unreasonable to descend into shame, anger, and rage spirals in reaction to the hurt. You ought to reflect on the hurt, patiently and compassionately, in order to understand its true meaning. Perhaps it is simply informing you that those people are not well-suited to be your friends. You can try to deny the reality of the situation, or you can accept reality and keep moving forward to seek better social opportunities. There is always a better response you could choose.

Being around him makes me feel even more inadequate and self-conscious and I am terrified of him finding out the childish things I like doing because somebody “normal” such as him would think I am a weird mentally ill freak and that would shatter me to pieces because it would be the ultimate disconnect from humanity for me. So I disappeared and cut all contact with him so that he doesn't find out who I really am and starts using it against me.

Have you done something morally wrong? If you have, then it would be right for people to call you out and shame you. If you haven't, then other people's judgments of you are invalid, perhaps to be taken as proof that they are not relationship-ready, unable to be the friend/partner that you need them to be. If that were the case, the best thing to do would be to let the relationship go so that you could find something better. Use your Ni: What are the implications of continuing to tie yourself to his judgments and then blame him for your hurt? You would be stuck in a vicious cycle of fear and loathing with him indefinitely. Is that really how you want to spend your life? Once again, there is a better choice to be made.

I know everybody thinks I am a weird and deragend freak, so I isolate myself and I never express myself because I don't want people to ridicule and reject me for that again. I know I display a childish and simple-minded mindset, so fucking what? Are my insecurities socially unacceptable now as well? Am I not allowed to feel like this because it's the symptom of a “childish person with low ego development”? I only have this mindset because it's the same mindset everybody else has. How am I supposed to navigate the world otherwise?

"Everybody" thinks you're a freak? "Everybody" has this mindset? More examples of extreme thinking. Unless you have literally talked to everybody in the world and can provide concrete proof of their beliefs, then what you have here is a distorted or false belief, based on your own overactive imagination. Yes, rejection doesn't feel good for anybody, so it is reasonable to be afraid of it. But it isn't reasonable to take that fear and turn it into self-righteous rage. Does it make you feel better to rage against the world? Only for a moment, and then you go back to feeling like you're nothing. Unfortunately, it doesn't solve anything and doesn't get you your dignity back.

It's no use to pull a “gotcha” on me because I reprimanded my crush for being conformist while being a conformist myself. I am just bitter and envious that he manages to do it successfully and be part of the world while still feeling free in doing so. The other reason I avoid him and pretend he doesn't exist is to prevent myself from getting triggered by him.

"Pull a gotcha"? Like many socially challenged INFJs, you seem to have a habit of "mindreading", i.e., assuming you know what people are thinking/feeling or presuming to know what they will say. This habit is very destructive to relationships due to causing unnecessary misunderstanding. Socially challenged INFJs also have the habit of making up an image of people in their mind, and that's what they're really interacting with rather than the actual person. Since you're basically just talking to yourself, shall I leave you to it?

If you really already know all about people, then you should be able to resolve your socializing problems yourself and succeed in every relationship... yet you can't. A common way Ni-Ti loop mentally traps you is by making it very easy for you to believe that you know "The Truth" when you're actually just keeping yourself willfully ignorant of evidence to the contrary. The result is, you live in your own imaginary world. To get back to seeing more clearly (dominant Ni) and functioning well in society (auxiliary Fe), it is necessary for you to open your mind and make it more flexible to seeing the full truth. For Ns, feeling the mind get more and more inflexible is a huge red flag that something is wrong with the way they're thinking.

In running this blog, I am often forced to point out problems with people's beliefs only because it's necessary to correct them to reach the next stage of growth - not because I take sadistic pleasure in being pedantic and "pulling a gotcha". To be honest, I deeply dislike the tedious task of wading through the maze of people's distorted beliefs, which is one of the many reasons why I'm not a therapist. If you're going to believe I have ill-intentions and just want to put you down, you really shouldn't ask me for help, because nothing I say is going to get through your paranoia anyway. It would be a waste of time for both of us.

Are you gonna tell me to grow some balls, get over it and become a well-adjusted person? That's one part I predicted, but I also thought I could also get some useful or enlightening advice on how to get over my shame and reconcile my socially unacceptable interests with my bond with others. I just want to feel accepted for who I am and also “belong” and find my tribe, ideally, but I don't know how. It might not seem like it, but I genuinely want to change and have more courage, I was just letting off some steam. If you are wondering why I am a backlogged and underdeveloped individual like you did with the other INFJ not long ago is because I've previously been a hikikomori for 7 years on a Ni-Ti loop. I had this “childish interests” problem even as a teen, but it was nowhere near as severe as now. I used to completely repress my Fe before and I felt no need for relationships because I didn't know how to keep my Fe in check and, as I predicted, now it's out of control and I feel like a weak loser after my crush has made these repressed and unfullfilled needs of mine resurface. I'd rather you not publish my message but only your answer, in case you'll write it. I already know I am deeply gonna regret sending this to you but it's for the best.

"Grow some balls" is not something I would ever say because I believe that it's wrong to use gendered insults. Are you aware of the crude and vulgar way in which you talk to yourself?

Whenever you interact with people, you are taking an emotional risk, so socializing does indeed require some courage. You are risking the possibility of getting rejected. You can accept the risk gracefully and keep moving forward in life, or you can twist yourself up over it and get stuck in fear and pain. You get to choose.

I have made it clear on the contact page that when people send their questions to me anonymously, I will publish them publicly. I can't respond well if I can't make direct reference to the things you've said. But it's important for you to go back and review everything you've written for two other reasons:

1) Self-Reflection: You need to understand that hurt people hurt people. Your lack of self-respect comes out in how little respect you have shown to me. You don't get to rattle, rant, and rave and then, when you feel better, pretend like you didn't say all those things or that the things you said were meaningless, which is what many unhealthy FJs do. It is disrespectful to dump your emotions on someone, presume to know what they will think and say, and then try to control how they respond to you. I'm not your servant to order around. That is not what healthy socializing should look like.

Even if you could find some friends to be your "tribe", it's likely that you wouldn't be able to keep them for very long because of how easily you get triggered into tertiary loop. There is actually nothing morally wrong with your personal interests despite what the people around you say, but there is something wrong with how your unresolved hurt inadvertently causes you to hurt others.

You need to be a good friend in order to keep good friends, which means you have to face up to all the ways in which your extreme thinking leads to toxic behavior, in terms of misunderstanding, misjudging, and mistreating others. When your initial stance in relationships is defensive, distrustful, and antagonistic, you're making yourself unapproachable and unlikable. This only feeds into Ti loop self-sabotage, by repelling people before they reject you.

2) Self-Awareness: The purpose of my blog is to explore ways to improve self-awareness through type development. An important aspect of personal growth is the willingness to confront the truth of oneself. All the things you wrote above are a reflection of you, your beliefs and your values. If you don't like what you wrote or feel ashamed of it, it's a good opportunity to review and reflect on why.

To break out of Ni-Ti loop, you need to face up to: the extreme thinking patterns; the false beliefs distorting your worldview; and most importantly, the deep unresolved pain you feel from isolation and alienation. How can you heal a wound if you're not willing to look at it, tend to it, and apply the required medicine? Yes, it stings, but it is sometimes necessary to endure growing pains in order to grow.

There are things you can do to heal tertiary loop and I've witnessed many INFJs do it. But you have to be willing to take an honest look at yourself and change what needs changing without always falling into the habit of beating yourself bloody. There are several things you need to improve upon in order to break out of tertiary loop:

emotional intelligence: learn to accept, feel, listen, and understand negative emotions such as shame, rather than run from them, defend against them, or give in to them

self-esteem: admit that you are human (rather than always trying to live up to an unreasonable/unrealistic ideal image) so that you can finally hear and fulfill your psychological needs, which would help you feel better about yourself

self-worth: understand that it is okay to need and want love, and most importantly, believe that you are deserving of it, but learn to look for love in the right places

moral reasoning skills: learn to analyze moral issues intelligently so that you can make sound moral judgments on your own, otherwise, you will always be easily led astray by criticism

social skills: learn what it means to interact with real people rather than your image of them; learn to treat people with more respect and acceptance if you hope to receive respect and acceptance; learn to speak up and draw boundaries whenever you encounter people who are hurtful or toxic

communication skills: learn to express yourself authentically, sensitively, calmly, and assertively so that you are not always at the mercy of others in social situations

conflict resolution skills: there is no perfect way to socialize because conflict is inevitable; accept conflict as a fact of life and learn good strategies for minimizing and resolving it

I have already written about these topics before and recommended books on the resources page. Tried-and-true knowledge already exists for your self-improvement. The final question is whether you are actually serious about learning and changing.

With access to the internet, it is easier than ever to find people with similar interests as you. To achieve a goal, a person must be focused and determined. Focus all your attention on refining your search methods, rather than getting distracted by pointless criticism.

I suggest you broaden and systematize your search, instead of wasting time on the wrong people. The more time you've invested in someone, the harder it is on you if the relationship must end. Therefore, it is in your best interest to show your true self at the start of a relationship so that you know the truth and can make a fully informed decision about whether someone is a good fit for you.

Don't walk around believing that everyone should be your bff, otherwise, it is your own unrealistic expectations that will always do you in. It doesn't ultimately matter what is or isn't "mainstream". Everyone has a right to their own interests as long as they're not harming anyone, and a good friend/partner should be able to accept and appreciate legitimate individual differences. Pick your friends and partners carefully.

[bucksbelly]

HP Rec Fest - Part 1 (Days 1-16)

Boy, has it been a moment since I've gone through my fanfic bookmarks. Thankful that @hprecfest has given me a reason to do so and rediscover some old gems!

Anyways making this list made me realize that I'm a connoisseur of explicit content so most of these are smutty and I'll leave that up to you to decide whether that's good or bad

(These are almost exclusively post-war fics where everyone is an adult, unless otherwise stated!)

1. A favorite fic under 5k: If We Lie Like This by everythingokay

(Harry x Charlie Weasley, rated E, 4.1k)

Harry/Charlie is one of my absolute favorite ships of all time, and this is one of the sweetest pwps I've ever read of them, so you know this had to be my first rec.

2. A comfort fic: Lumos by birdsofshore

(Drarry, rated E, 41.5k)

This is one of my oldest bookmarks, and still one of the best. I love, love, love eighth year fics, in no small part because of this one. The summary really says it all:

"Harry never expected to spend eighth year listening to Draco Malfoy wanking."

3. A podfic

I've truly never listened to a podfic in my life, I just prefer reading I'm sorry

4. A fic with art: What Have You Been Hiding Under Those Robes, Professor Malfoy? by Booktopus

(Drarry, Rated E, 15k - art is NSFW!)

Finding art in my fics is such a rare, exciting surprise, especially because I rarely go looking for them. Now, a GIF? And a smutty gif at that? Of tattooed professor Draco? What. A. Find.

5. A non-AO3 fic: The Lust of Gryffindors by Fearful Porpentine

(Harmione + so many pairings/groupings, rated M, 381.5k, aged-up during canon)

Yeah, I'm pretty much exclusively an AO3 girlie, so I don't have many options for this one. Still, this is a standout as one of my favorite smutty extravaganzas.

6. An unreliable narrator fic: Touch by bixgirl1

(Drarry, Rated E, 45k)

I had this fic on my TBR for so long before I actually read it, and when I finally did, I was KICKING myself for waiting so long! I love touch-starved characters finally getting what they need (is it self-fulfilling? perhaps), and I never thought a sleep-deprived Harry could be so funny.

(I'm aware this is an unreliable narrator in the loosest sense of the word but I'm sticking with it because it NEEDS to be recced)

7. A canon-compliant fic: With the Edges Worn Down by MayatheBee

(Harry x Ron x Hermione, rated E, 13k)

By "canon-compliant," we mean "takes place so far in the future that canon can't disprove it," right?

If so, then here's my pick. After Ginny's death, Ron and Hermione decide to finally act on feelings that have been ignored for their entire friendship. It is so, so sweet and so, so hot.

8. A canon-divergence fic: Safe Word is Devil's Snare by ShayaLonnie

(Neville x Hermione, rated E, 97k)

Hot Neville Agenda? Hot Neville Agenda.

Neville is fast becoming one of my favorite characters in fic (both in reading and writing). I'm a sucker for him growing into his self-confidence after the war while still being the same loveable plant guy we know. And a forced marriage with hyper-competent Hermione? Get ready for the spice, y'all.

9. A rare pair fic: 93 Diagon Alley by Schmem_14

(Harry x George, rated M, 30k)

I'm quickly realizing that most of the fic I consume (outside of drarry) is rare pairs, but this is one of the best. Harry and George leaning on each other through their grief, and realizing what they need to get through said grief is, in fact, each other? Sign me up. I usually avoid stories that feature Fred's death as a significant plot point, but this is too well done to ignore.

10. A fest fic: Beware: Naked People Ahead by SonnenFlower

(Lots of pairings, rated M, 6.6k)

I’m recommending this fic not only because of the absolute hilarity of the premise, but because it is a part of one of the best fests I’ve ever come across — the Hermione’s Nook Naked Weasley Fest! This fic had me laughing the whole way through (and crying when I wasn’t.)

11. A dark fic: Whore by orphan_account

(Harry x Fred x George + noncon, etc, rated E, 141.6k, takes place during canon)

Listen, I don't read dark fics very often. They tend to crush my soul and spin me out. This is my "I want to hurt" fic — SO MIND THE TAGS.

12. A WIP you're following: New Blood by artemisgirl

(Pairings still evolving, rated M, currently 1.3 million words, takes place during canon)

As a general rule, I don't read many in-progress fics (this is a personal fault because I get too impatient and invested). But when I started this fic, it had over 1 million words and didn't seem to be stopping anytime soon, so I took the plunge. It features a Slytherin, overpowered, badass Hermione, deep fae/wix lore, and a unique twist on all our favorite characters!

13. A fic with over 100k words: Finding Sophrosyne by mlfoyskhione

(Drarry, rated T, 136.5k)

An eighth year fic where everyone in Hogwarts falls into an unwakeable sleep...except Draco and Harry. Absolutely delectable.

14. A favorite series: Harry Potter & Seven Years of Chaos by Severitus812

(Harry x Fred + Severitus, unrated, 1+ million words; takes place during canon)

When I started this fic, the first six parts were published and part of the seventh. I DEVOURED them in a week, and I still haven't gotten around to finishing it because I'm positive it's going to break my heart. Still, an absolute beast of a story that is so, so fun to experience!

15. The most recent fic you bookmarked: The Best Laid Plans by Drarrymadhatter

(Drarry, Draco x George, Harry x Fred, rated E, 6.6k)

Okay, I’ve bookmarked entirely too many fics since the start of this fest, so to avoid repeats, I’m recommending the last fic I bookmarked BEFORE then. Based on my url, it couldn’t be more perfect — Draco, George, Harry, AND Fred? Absolute perfection. Sexy, sexy perfection.

16. A fic that made you laugh: I WANNA SEE SOME ARSE by thefrancakes

(NottPott, rated E, 10.5k)

From the title of this fic through the end of it, I was laughing. And where I wasn’t, I was fanning myself because. Hot. Damn. I’d never shipped Harry and Theo Nott until reading this.

So many excellent fics here...and yet I'm even MORE excited about the next set of prompts! Until then!

[pyropsychiccollector]

Ace Attorney: IF (...Part 1)

With all the recent Asks about AAI... I feel inspired enough to dust off some plot bunnies that have been stewing in the back of my head for easily a decade now. Hell, I did begin posting a story for it back in the day... But because the second game wasn't released internationally, and perhaps because my writing left much to be desired, the story didn't make that much of a splash. And I never made it very far because I only had a handful of vague ideas.

... By the way, if you haven't heard the AAI Collection soundtrack, it's a banger. Really. (人◕ω◕)

At any rate, I had some ideas relating to Simon Keyes and the Faraday Clan. I feel like there's some serious potential here because of how close in time the KG-8 and SS-5 incidents were on the timeline (10 years ago and 12 years ago, respectively). I wouldn't feel very good if I just removed all the hardship Simon went through as a child, and I'm a sucker for redemption stories anyway~... Or stories that avert someone from a dark path, like vergilsama922's Hope Universe has done. (人◕ω◕)

I'll get this out of the way: I don't imagine I'll go very far beyond what I post here. Ace Attorney is a fun franchise, but given the usual demographic they seem to aim for, the recurring characters at the very least aren't as fleshed out (looking at you, Blue Hedgehog Attorney). I'll touch on the ideas I have in mind, and I won't dive too much into "howdunit" for certain legal developments. Because as @vergilsama922 would tell you, Ace Attorney might just embellish legal procedures and due process. Just a teeny-weeny bit. Especially the usual judge... Ohh, Vergil loves that old man. (人◕ω◕);;

Instead I'll focus on the plot points and a bit of character relationships. If I skip ahead in time a fair amount, that would be why. I don't expect this to be too extensive because they're just ideas. I don't mind expanding on some points if asked... But I also don't expect this post to get past a handful of notes and feedback. Feel free to prove or disprove me, I just know that generally Ace Attorney content doesn't get much love unless the writer focuses on the ships. ... Which this post will not be doing. Just so you don't get your hopes too high.

And also, Ace Attorney Investigations content is woefully underloved. That's another aspect. Consequence of being a spinoff despite the second game being narratively superior than most main line games. What I wouldn't give to have Ray Shields over the Blue Hedgehog.... I mean, I would've gladly taken Mia, of course. But Ray is still with us, and he's only 36... C'monnn, who doesn't love a more seasoned attorney? (人◕ω◕)***

Let's just get to it.

Simon Keyes (not his birth name; we don't know that one) was the son of Dane Gustavia, a competitor in Jeffrey Master's dessert contest that would crown the world's greatest pastry chef. Dane entered the contest both because of his pride as a dessert chef, and because the prize for the contest besides the title was a recipe book called the Angel's Recipe. Jeffrey is the sole heir to the Masters Group, a pharmaceutical company that produces products like Coldkiller X, which may seem familiar to Ace Attorney buffs. (人◕ω◕) The Angel's Recipe as such is in fact a collection of medicine/pharmaceutical recipes for drugs that haven't been released to the public yet. Jeffrey wished to bequeath the book to someone that he recognized as worthy, and Dane needed the book because he had heightened form of a taste disorder called hypogeusia - basically, he had little to no taste. Detrimental for any chef, let alone a dessert chef.

Naturally, Dane wasn't the only participant in the contest. Besides Delicia Scones, who was actually a pharmacist and entered into the contest by the Master group to keep the Angel's Recipe within the company... There was also Isaac Dover, who also went under an alias of Pierre Hoquet in France. Isaac was actually a famed sculptor that seemed to have money troubles of some kind (he didn't tell his extended family or anyone else about them; just kept an illustrious public image), and the Angel's Recipe could be sold to rival pharmaceutical companies for a great deal of money. Isaac had a son in Horace Knightley (again, not his birth name) that attended the same elementary school as Simon.

In the hopes of winning the contest, Dane and Isaac entered a partnership where Dane would provide the flavor of the desserts and Isaac the design. Dane could keep up his end of the bargain because Simon was a taste tester for him, not that he advertised this to anyone. They would help one another up through the finals, and regardless of who won they would share the spoils. That was the agreement between them, and yet...

Isaac chose to betray Dane, the day of the final round of the contest. December 24, 2000. Dane helped to make the sherbet Isaac would need the day before so it would chill overnight, and Isaac turned around and refused to sculpt Dane's desserts. Isaac called off their deal and planned to take everything for himself, as was the plan from the beginning. He ordered his son to tie up Simon and keep him away from the venue that day, having deduced he contributed to Dane's culinary success.

... In the end, Dane tried getting a picture of the Angel's Recipe to cure his taste disorder. Isaac cornered and attempted to extort him for even that much, going so far as to strike him with a rock salt lamp... And Dane killed him in both self-defense and revenge. This murder spiraled into what would be known as the IS-7 incident, the final case that Gregory Edgeworth worked on with Raymond Shields as his assistant and Manfred Von Karma as the leading prosecutor.

We all know how that sorry tale unfolded. The defendant, Jeffrey Master, was found guilty of being an accomplice to the murder after a whole year of Gregory rattling sabers with Manfred in court - and it all coming to an end when Jeffrey made a forced confession because of a year of torture and interrogation by Manfred and the police... and also because Manfred threatened to find Katherine Hall guilty in his place, if Jeffrey didn't relent. Still, Gregory did manage to prove in court that Manfred forged an autopsy report because the police had never received the body; it was stolen and disappeared before they even arrived on scene. Because of this, Von Karma received his first penalty, which led him to take Gregory's life in DL-6.

But enough about the stuff we all know. (人◕ω◕) I only brought all of that up to establish those tragic beginnings are unchanged. Jeffrey Master was brutalized and falsely convicted, Von Karma got his penalty, Gregory still died, Miles got traumatized... And oh yes, Horace still accidentally trapped him and Simon in his dad's car during a terrible snow storm. Yes, we're circling back around to that. (人◕ω◕) If they were left to freeze much longer, they would've died. But be it luck or fate, the famed assassin Sirhan Dogen saved the boys' lives thanks to his dog Anubis locating them while they were out on a stroll. Sirhan broke open the car, and took the boys to a nearby orphanage since they developed short-term amnesia from those traumatic events. Neither of them could so much as remember his own name. Dane never came looking for his son because he got what he wanted, the cure for his disorder, and just before Jeffrey's trial ended he fled the country to Zheng Fa for further training in dessert making (both flavor and design) for three years. Dane essentially disowned his son and didn't care what happened to him.

Meanwhile, Simon and Horace were left at the Happy Family Home for several years, where Patricia Roland was the main caretaker. That's where they adopted their current names. Over time, they regained some of their memories... But not enough concrete details to go to the police for help in finding their dads. Simon himself remembered that he was supposed to go help prove his dad's desserts were the best in the world, but that Horace stopped him from going. This... soured Simon's opinions of Knightley a great deal; no longer considering the other boy a friend privately. But on the surface he kept up the façade because it was better to have one "friend" than none at the orphanage. Simon just wouldn't open up to anyone else, and his habit of finding a corner to cry about his dad, who he believed to have been killed by Knightley's dad (muddled memories due to that blizzard), made him an easy target of bullying at the orphanage.

All of that established... (人◕ω◕) Let's flash forward to 2006. Byrne Faraday is an average prosecutor with a sense of justice that a lot of his colleagues scoff at. He doesn't automatically believe everyone is guilty, he's more easygoing than his fellow prosecutors. Rather he worries the most about the criminals that "cannot" be brought to court. People "above" the law. For he feels no man should have that much pull and clout. Prosecutors like Manfred Von Karma openly laugh at such philosophies because there is no reason to deal with such "rare exceptions". A prosecutor is a guardian of the court, with no obligation to "outside matters".

... Needless to say, Byrne strongly disagrees. (人◕ω◕) It's a conundrum that eats away at him day and night... But not to an obsessive degree. Not yet. Right now it's fall 2006, and Byrne's wrapped up a frustrating case where he lacked sufficient evidence to prove the defendant's guilt. It was a very near thing; he thought there'd been enough circumstantial evidence piled up in his favor, but the judge ruled not guilty. Byrne needed a walk to clear his head and not stress his daughter Kay out by thoughtlessly snapping at her or being all depressed at his own powerlessness sometimes. Not every defendant is guilty, but when Byrne is nigh well certain of a defendant's guilt it's easier to move a mountain than it is to change his mind. That's just how he was wired. So he left little Kay in his friend Tyrell Badd's hands, and took a stroll by himself.

On top of the depressing verdict, there was the matter that the particular date was the anniversary of his wife's death. She passed a few days after giving birth to Kay, and it was hard being a single father. His income as a prosecutor was acceptable, but he knew that he could probably try harder if only for Kay's sake, and Byrne also knew Tyrell often spoiled Kay while he wasn't around. Still, he could never forget the cold space at his bedside at night and how Kay deserved the warm love and affection that only a mother knows how to give. Kay always carries herself so positively, so bravely, so eager to please him... It makes Byrne privately weep.

Because... he feels unworthy of that adoration. Byrne loves his daughter and wants what's best for her, there is no question about that. He's never once regretted having her in his life. Yet Byrne feels that he's never doing enough to support Kay, to help her with homework, to go to theme parks or other fun events, or to make sure the friends she's making are worth the trust she undoubtedly places in them. Byrne knows that Tyrell occasionally makes an effort to drive by her elementary school between investigations to check up on her, but he's similarly limited as a detective. Not all problems would be solved if Kay's mother was still around... But many of them would be. Byrne would certainly feel less anxious about his daughter's happiness and wellbeing. He can only do so much, and it... galls him. Because he knows that to an extent, Kay is powering through the loneliness she feels at home and always has a smile when he's around. Always. She only ever breaks down if he's too stern about rules or manners not upheld.

And it's not Kay's fault for bending the rules at times. She's only a child, and Byrne always makes it up to Kay if he ever goes too far in punishing her. They struggle as a family of two, but they are managing to make it work. Tyrell chipping in is certainly indispensable.

As Byrne passes by what must be an orphanage, a haunting idea passes through his head. That as a prosecutor, he may one day be targeted by criminals... And should he perish, what will happen to Kay? Byrne doesn't even have the start of a contingency. It felt irresponsible and shameful to ask his longtime friend when Tyrell had already done so much for them... Kay did have relatives on her mother's side, but they lived far away. He didn't like the idea of leaving his little Kay to fend for herself like... like...

Like these children here. The... "Happy Family Home", was it? The children certainly gave the impression that they were having a good day playing in the courtyard here... But Byrne knew that regardless of circumstances, these kids were torn from their original homes and left with next to nothing. The playground equipment appeared cheap, the facility was weather-worn and very old, and just the faces on some of the children... Especially when some of them perceived an outsider peering in at them. Some were guarded, uncertain, others had their eyes alight with hope at a visitor...

And still others seemed to have given up all hope, one especially was brooding in the corner with tears glistening in his puffy red eyes. Byrne couldn't help imagining Kay in such a state if he wasn't around. That was the absolute last thing he ever wanted his daughter to suffer through, losing both of her parents far too soon... More than that, the crying dark-haired boy in the red raincoat. Byrne didn't have the means to help every abandoned child, but he wanted to help this one. Maybe it was because the boy summoned Kay to mind, maybe it was some other reason he couldn't put a name to yet.

Whatever the case, Byrne approached the boy on that cool, crisp autumn day. He couldn't get the boy to respond to him that much, barely got a name of "Simon" out of him. And all the while the other kids kept trying to gain his attention and glare daggers at the "crybaby" for daring to steal the attention of the first visitor they've had in a while, apparently. It was enough hubbub to summon the chief caretaker, who Byrne went off to discuss privately with why he was there. Patricia seemed rather proud of what she had there despite the decrepit state of affairs, but she was rather dismissive of the topic of Simon because the boy never opened up to anyone, not even her. Patricia attempted to get Byrne interested in other kids, or even a charitable donation from the prosecutor's office since they were always so starved for cash.

... Byrne told the woman that he would think about it, and that he would be back to check on Simon. He could tell that Patricia was really just looking to line her own pockets, and he couldn't in good faith approach the Chief Prosecutor if children weren't going to live better here. Moreover, he didn't much like the idea of Simon seeming like a pariah in this quaint "home". He would get the boy to open up. Somehow.

Simon didn't open up. In fact, the more Byrne persisted over the coming weeks and months, the angrier and more bitter he became. From what little Byrne was able to glean the boy was unable to let go of his original family that he had lost; he didn't want a new one. And it's hard to negotiate an adoption when the child isn't willing. December rolled around, then January... and finally, February was in sight. This was around the time that Blaise and the Zheng Fa President's Body Double were approaching Patricia to bring her in as an accomplice to their schemes. Her orphanage was isolated enough to kill the President. Of course... now Byrne's frequent visits were a problem. They needed him to get the hell out of there and not come back, and the only way that was happening was if Simon Keyes agreed to go.

So Patricia called Byrne to her office when he next came to visit, and gave him a one-week ultimatum to get Simon to agree to adoption. That one week would put them just a few days before the President was set to be assassinated, and if all went to plan people shouldn't even know the President had died because the Body Double would effectively replace him. If Byrne didn't play ball, Patricia would lodge harassment complaints with the Chief Prosecutor, who was already aware of his employee's visits and could easily cook up some false charges if Byrne chose to be obstinate.

Though he didn't understand the full implications of what he was up against here, Byrne agreed to the one-week ultimatum. It was insane because he had been chipping away at Simon for months with little to no effect, and now he had a deadline on top of his prosecutorial duties. ... Well, thankfully, he had a stroke of genius in allowing Kay to come out to the orphanage and see if she wouldn't have better luck with Simon. It meant calling her school to allow the girl to miss that week for "family business", but when Byrne promised that Simon could come to live with them if she succeeded in convincing him, Kay couldn't have agreed faster.

A week went by. Simon was initially leery of Kay at first because of who her father was... But between Horace trying to hog her attention and seeing just how young, bubbly, innocent, and vulnerable the girl was... like he had been, back then... Simon felt drawn to the young Kay. He didn't want Horace sinking his claws into this child whether he meant ill will or not; the traitor didn't deserve to steal what little he had left, and this girl and her father kept coming around for him...

So even though Simon was heavily reluctant to capitulate, the chief caretaker informed him that Kay wouldn't be allowed to come around anymore after that week. It was either try something new - allow himself to be adopted - or stay and continue to hopelessly wait for his dad to return.

It wasn't a very easy decision. And even after reaching it, Simon wondered if this was what he wanted.

In little time at all, they packed what few clothes and possessions Simon had, Byrne signed the official documents, and they returned home.

A few days later, Sirhan Dogen assassinated President Huang on the midnight of February 10, 2007. Jack Cameron still witnessed Patricia and Blaise carrying the President's body but misunderstood it as a kidnapping, and got killed by the Body Double. But the incident only got murkier as two more bodies were added to that list - three, if you counted the dog. The legendary blind assassin Sirhan Dogen was slain, but not without taking one of his attackers down with him. … Chief Prosecutor Blaise Debeste.

Prosecutor Von Karma took up the investigation of the incident, and it was ruled to be a case of Sirhan Dogen contracted to kill President Huang, but before he could Blaise Debeste and Jack Cameron heroically ambushed the fiend and his dog. Not the most neat and tidy story, there were a lot of questions left unanswered - like, why there was a $100 million ransom for the President, why did the President go to that orphanage, why Cameron was bludgeoned with a brick and not stabbed to death like Blaise, or the trace amount of blood left at the scene that suggested the President was injured… But in the end, Von Karma gets what he wants. He suppressed all doubts and inquiries that led people to suspect there was something more going on, because as far as Von Karma was aware there wasn't anything shady going on with the President of a foreign country. Huang held no interest for him; the only point of interest was that Blaise had been on-scene before any other law enforcement. As the man that issued Von Karma his first penalty, the "Perfect" prosecutor only thought it appropriate the man met his end in one of his own schemes.

So due to this different outcome of SS-5, no ransom was sent or received, the Body Double simply returned home as the "true" Huang - and to keep Patricia satisfied he would send her suitable monetary compensation for the trouble. So long as she kept her lips sealed, no one would know the real Huang was dead. Though this does mean Patricia would never get recommended for a role as warden of the prison; Von Karma certainly had no use for her. Von Karma would rise to the position of Chief Prosecutor instead, smelling the opportunity for what it was and beating back his rivals for the throne through intimidation or bringing up their most embarrassing failures as prosecutors. Jill Crane would go on not knowing who is hold accountable for her boyfriend Jack's death; no one would clue her in on Blaise's secrets because no one knew about the Zheng Fa President assassination plot. Yet she and Judge Courtney would keep searching for answers, years later. No Blaise means no black market auctions for police evidence - at least none hosted at the Prosecutorial Investigation Committee's headquarters. Blaise Debeste's son would be left orphaned, and ignored by Von Karma. However, this in turn would earn Sebastian attention from Ray Shields, who is still bitter about losing Miles to Von Karma and sees an opportunity to salvage his own broken soul. … Even if taking in a kid is an awful lot for a single defense attorney that's only got 5-6 years of experience under his belt as a lawyer. Still, it'd be a healthier environment for Sebastian, no sabotaging his education, toying with, or abusing him. Ray will make a strapping defense attorney out of Sebastian someday~… Besides! Chicks love the single dad look, yeah?!

… Just let Ray have his dreams.

Regardless of all these things happening during and after SS-5, the Faraday Clan are too absorbed in the growing pains of three people under one roof. Simon continues to tiptoe around the Faraday's, only sometimes voicing what he wants - and more often it'll also be what Kay wants at the time, so Byrne knows the boy is only rarely indulging for himself and only himself. Kay is as receptive as expected…though she had to quickly be corrected that bathtimes are to be done separately. Byrne is painfully aware from reading Simon's file that he's hitting 13 that year… And he's not letting his 5-year-old (soon to be 6) daughter get in the habit of bathing with BOYS…

FAR too soon for that pubescent nightmare fuel.

Thankfully, Simon seems just as eager to…not get into that physical intimacy angle. Hugs are sometimes fine. Head pats, awkwardly ruffling Kay's hair, all that's fine. Mixed baths cross the line, and Simon doesn't want any part in that either.

It's more tight on the expenses with Simon around, but Byrne feels it's well worth the price. Kay doesn't have to come to the courthouse all the time after school, Simon will either be home or will offer to take her somewhere. Sometimes Tyrell will drive them around. One curiousity Byrne picked up immediately was Simon's aversion to sweets… Tyrell was rather put out by this development, and Simon was simply vague or unsure why he disliked them. He did make the exception to try the courthouse swiss rolls that Kay sung such high praises about. The poor kid looked like he was choking down lumps of iron as he forced himself to, though. Like the very act of eating sweets was…Byrne didn't know how to describe it. Like it was sacrilege? Like the boy was seriously forcing his body to eat just to please Kay. Points for maintaining that million-watt smile for Kay's benefit, but Byrne could see the tears pricking at his eyes. Tyrell could, too.

Hence why Tyrell suggested trying to dig into Simon's background more. Frankly, there was something familiar about the boy that Tyrell couldn't put his finger on. But it was way too early for any blood or DNA tests. With Simon so new to the family, Byrne wanted to win him over for a while before seeing about tracking down his old family's whereabouts. Plus, if he made any moves that unsettled Simon, Kay would get upset… They would wait on that stuff. Perhaps if they waited long enough, Simon's memories would return on their own.

Those first couple years were peaceful, but slow. Despite the 7-year gap between them, Kay and Simon were joined at the hip. Simon didn't seem in a rush to make new friends at school, and often kept in touch with that Horace boy at the orphanage. Usually chess correspondence through the mail. Oddly enough, Simon seemed formal and plastic whenever Horace came up… Like it was just another thing he was forcing himself to do. Go through the motions. Byrne talked with Simon about potentially seeing a therapist, since Simon never wanted to talk about what he DID remember of his childhood, the reasons he was crying and alone at the orphanage… But Simon near-violently refused, stating he didn't need a shrink poking around in his head. That he wasn't CRAZY. And Byrne agreed, he just wanted Simon to know if he ever needed help, all Simon had to do was ask or open up to them.

It was…rough seeing Simon so doubtful even after months of living in the same house. Whatever happened had scarred Simon, and Byrne wasn't about to force the boy to reopen those wounds until he was ready. It just hurts to catch the boy walking on eggshells even when they're welcoming him with open arms. Simon obviously conceals his reservations around Kay, and there is genuine fondness for his daughter, but Simon still looks so lost and uncertain.

Eventually, the original KG-8 incident happens. Byrne and Tyrell are drawn away from caring for the kids, and the kids…hash things out a bit. Kay can see Simon and Daddy don't get along, and she wants to know what she can do to help. Simon doesn't like having this conversation with Kay… But it's easier since she's another kid like him. He explains that when he was her age, something bad happened and he lost his father. His "friend" back at the orphanage helped in that… And as a result, they lost their memories and everything they used to have. Living at the orphanage, Simon quietly accepted his pariah status and came to believe no one could care for him. If his own father abandoned him, who could he even trust? Simon doesn't know the kind of guy Kay's father is, but Simon's experience has shown him that adults do whatever they want, often abusing the power they have like how caretaker Roland makes the kids do chores or they don't get supper. Kay's dismayed that this is how Simon feels, and she hugs it out with him and promises that she and Daddy are different from everyone else Simon's known. They're not gonna just leave him. Simon says he's trying really hard to believe that… It's just a work-in-progress. He's mostly convinced with Kay. … It's her dad that he needs to assess what kind of guy he is. And, well, one thing leads to another, and Kay suggests they watch Daddy in his trials. That might help. Simon can't exactly refuse, much to his chagrin.

Sitting in on the KG-8 trial was… depressing for Simon. He was old enough to get a clearer picture than Kay. Her father had evidence, and it was stolen from under his nose. The trial itself was a trainwreck, no witnesses to testify against the smuggling ring after Cece Yew was killed, no compelling evidence…. There was just this sense of overwhelming powerlessness. So even adults could feel this way, huh? Both Byrne and Tyrell looked dead where they were standing as the judge declared Manny Coachen not guilty. Not all adults wielded power…

… But when they did, they abused the hell out of it.

Honestly, this wasn't enough to convince Simon what kind of person Byrne Faraday was. However… He was willing to see what Byrne would do from here.

(I'll hafta do a followup post later.... Aiyiyi, the plot bunnies are multitasking, and my muse is going off. XD)

[lunarsilkscreen]

Snot and Dead Skin and Cancer

People glommed into my "Dirty Mucus" theory of cancer and now won't stop pestering me to elaborate...

What Cancer?

My theory goes like this; Cells get damaged and need to be repaired or replaced.

The body has all sorts of mechanisms clear out dead skin and old cells.

So; if a "Dead Cell" isn't completely dead; it stands to reason it will try to follow whatever protocols it still has to "repair" despite being ejected by the body itself.

Many people look at a cough or lung trauma as a more *esoteric* thing because we can't actually see inside the body; and health education doesn't do a good job of explaining the similarities of an internal wound to an external one.

But we can assume that they're similar. And Bleeding in the lungs can be particularly bad, because the blood is what absorbs the oxygen in the first place.

So the question we must answer; how does the inside body heal? Including lungs and intestines and the stomache especially.

We don't, but we could assume it's exactly the same on the outside. Bleeding happens; the bleeding is staunched, either by Oxygen or by some ingested thing, there's inflammation which is uncomfortable and disrupts whatever is being healed.

And these things can cause what, on the surface, looks like a Flu or Cold. Literally a sickness that you can't go get a doctor's note for because there's "No Problem and if there is it's not contagious".

Maybe a Doctor diagnoses you with "Impacted Stool" prescribed you laxatives which only makes it worse; because it interrupted your body's natural healing process.

From this we can start looking at it backwards; what happens to dead cells that cannot be cleared? An infection or wound that can't heal completely or otherwise bypasses the body's Immunological defense.

So we can Infer from this; Dead Cells should be removed automatically by the body itself, but sometimes aren't. And can build up, like pimples on the face or earwax in the ears.

For the Lungs; clear mucus means you're fine. Anything else means your body is removing stuff. What that *stuff* is or might be is not really clear based on current textbooks.

But if you have scabbing, scarring, and cell repair on your "lung skin" you can assume that the cells are being repaired and the old gunk needs to be extracted somehow.

I think the current *commonly held* belief is that most of *that* stuff goes through the blood stream and out with the waste.

But if that were completely true; what purpose does mucus serve?

So if we continue this line of reasoning; a build-up of completely dead cells could be interpreted as a "Benign Tumor" wherever it may be in the body.

And that would mean that a mass of "Undead Cells" or even a mass of dead cells with some virus or bacteria infection trapped has the potential to become "Malignant".

Which means; if you're constantly spitting up white mucus; You could currently be "Beating Cancer".

And, As with Pneumonia, A build up of fluid (mucus usually) interspersed with all that white junk; could *also* be your body winning so hard from cancer that you nearly died from winning.

The biggest problem here; is the only corroborating evidence is gonna come from "Holistic, New Age, Healing" garbage. And we can't use that if we want to be taken seriously.

But the good news is; there's nothing currently out there disproving this theory. Except the Quacks themselves who keep tripping over their own feet trying to get ahead selling "Miracle Cures".

[landscaping-your-mind]

ummm let's see i haven't had brainrot about the magnus archives recently (other than tim and mike) but uhhhhh if you have any funny silly little thing about helen/michael you want to talk about please go ahead I'm all ears (imagine a picture of an owl with really big feather tufts on its head)

So, Helen never tells a lie. She’s not Helen, but she is Helen. She knows what’s in the centre of the tunnels, but she’s choosing not to tell Jon. She felt bad about killing that old man, but she chose to stop feeling guilty. She thinks Jon should choose to stop feeling guilty.

When someone doesn’t tell a lie, how do you disprove them? How do you say you’re right. It’s not a lie to say Jon’s dwelling has never stopped him from hurting innocent and not innocent people. It’s not a lie to say Jon doesn’t deserve Martin. It’s not a lie to say Jon ended the world.

What do you focus on? How do you say you’re right? How do you disprove it, if it’s right?

Jon doesn’t deserve Martin. No one “deserves” someone else, A), but B) If Jon is a monster; if Jon likes hurting people, on some level; if Jon can’t live comfortably without hurting people, does he deserve Martin’s love? No. But it doesn’t matter what you deserve, what even is that. It matters what people want. Jon wants Martin, Martin wants Jon, they make each other happy. And you can say that, but still, Helen’s words (or your thoughts) will remain. You don’t deserve him.

Jon ended the world. He did. It was him. He read the words, he had the marks. If it were not for him, the world would not have ended. But it was Jonah Magnus, he manipulated Jon; it was The Web, it manipulated Magnus and Jon, like some sort of manipulation turducken. But that doesn’t change that Jon read the worlds, Jon got the marks, Jon ended the world.

How do you disprove a thought that never deviates from reality? How do you disprove something that isn’t a lie? Jon can only Ceaseless Watcher Helen when she tells a lie, when she says she isn’t scared. There are signs she’s scared, tone of voice, increased heart rate, faster breathing, just Jon knowing. So, he can disprove it. But the others… It’s not a lie.

Helen never telling a lie is like thoughts that don’t lie. Thoughts that are exaggerations of the truth, leave out key information, but linger because you can’t disprove them in their entirety.

Can you trust yourself? Can you trust what you believe to be true? Can you trust your thoughts? Can you trust what others say? Can you distrust them? If they’re never lies?

Thank you, Pearl Mapleejay, for talking to me about this :3 I actually never thought about it in this much detail before, could never make my thoughts coherent. Could write an essay about this, to be honest.

Anyway, you can ask me about Mike and Tim. My thoughts on Mike are mostly your thoughts on Mike so it’ll be autism to autism communication (autism to autism conversation) but I’d be happy to talk about him :D

Anyway tytyty so much. More thoughts where that came from :D