#hopefully that gives you some insight into why i made this

[probablycatastrophic]

how to turn a bird into god using cosmere mechanics

so let's say you had two full mistborn/feruchemist/awakeners/forgers. we'll call them Person A and Person B. Person A and Person B begin to burn nicrosil and duralumin over and over again (assume that they have infinite metals) targeting each other. this builds up an extremely fast chain reaction of increasing allomantic levels (nicrosil increases the power of the other person's metals, duralumin buffs nicrosil). they then ingest purified dor and store the investiture in their nicrosil metalminds. then, they begin compounding nicrosil, amplified to ridiculous amounts by the nicrosil-duralumin chaining they did previously. they now have unlimited amounts of investiture derived from purified dor (this is known as the Infinite Investiture Glitch). Person A worldhops to First of the Sun and goes to Patji's Eye. Using their unlimited investiture, they then Forge a maggot to have consumed the entire perpendicularity, inheriting all its investiture. Here's where the awakening comes in. Person A repeats the Infinite Investiture Glitch for their own breaths, achieving every heightening and gaining unlimited breaths. then, kill the maggot. does it lose the investiture from the perpendicularity? no. then Person A uses the unlimited breaths to Awaken the maggot and make it sentient. Then they Forge the maggot, using their unlimited investiture, into a full mistborn and feruchemist. they Command the maggot to preform the Infinite Investiture Glitch on the investiture derived from the perpendicularity they consumed. they should now obtain-shard level investiture. then, the maggot is fed to an aviar. if the symbiosis applies correctly, the bird should ascend to shardhood. the bird god has arrived. bow down to the bird god

[sgtpeppers]

"A dark shadow on an otherwise beautiful record": PR, McCartney and The Beatles' Split.

“No, I wasn’t angry – shit, he’s a good P.R. man, that’s all. He’s about the best in the world, probably. He really does a job. I wasn’t angry. We were all hurt that he didn’t tell us that was what he was going to do.”

(John Lennon in Rolling Stone, 21 Jan 1971)

To cut to the chase, I want to explain why this statement from John, claiming Paul is a good PR man is wrong. Largely thanks to quotes like this from John, Paul gets painted as the Beatle with a good media strategy, the insinuation being of course, that he is disingenuous and inauthentic. I don’t believe this is true in general, but what I really want to focus on, and what John is referencing in that quote, is the publicity around Paul’s 1970 album McCartney, which got all tied up with the news of The Beatles split, and how actually, mistake after mistake was made, rather than it being what John claims - a purposeful move to get more publicity for his album. 

This isn’t a moral judgment on either John or Paul, or me saying Paul is stupid for not doing more. In fact, I think it playing out this way is far more interesting and we can gain a lot of insight about his mindset and relationships from his press activities around this time. 

I’m going to do this chronologically as much as possible, but before we dive in it will be helpful for us to keep a few basic PR strategies and tools in mind to help us understand what’s (or perhaps more importantly, what’s not) happening. So what are some things that make for good public relations? 

A clear, cohesive message. What's the story of the album? There should be key phrases that are repeated throughout press activities, and also allow an easy fall back when faced with questions that haven’t been prepared for. Broadly speaking, you want to highlight the good and ignore the bad, without lying or appearing to hide anything.

A good relationship with the press. Having even a couple of journalists on side can be a huge benefit, it makes for friendlier interviews and more forgiving assessments (which isn’t to say journalists are being fake or can be incentivised, but it’s just human nature that if you make friends, you’re going to have an easier time.) Furthermore, you want a reputation in the industry as someone that’s nice to interview, because journalists can and will talk, and if they’re going to come in with a preconception about you, you want it to be positive. 

Reactive messaging. If something comes out that you don’t want to be out, be prepared. Ideally potential problems have already been planned for. Know which journalists to reach out to, know what the story is, then be prepared to go quiet and leave things alone.

Pre-prepared Q&As or FAQs should answer more questions than they generate. They also shouldn’t require in depth answers - save that for conversations where there’s time for explanations. 

So, let’s start back in 1969. The Paul is dead rumours are in full force and Paul, Linda, Heather and Mary are living up in Scotland, trying to escape the goings-on back in London. 

On 24 October, Paul gives an interview to the BBC dispelling the rumours about his death, which goes out on 26-27 October in two parts. A few days later, Dorothy Bacon and Terrence Spencer from Life Magazine make the trip up to his farm to try and get another interview with him, for a piece they’re also doing about the rumours. 

Paul throws a bucket of dirty water at them, they get pictures, and then realising how this will look if published, Paul gives them an interview and promises to have Linda send them some family shots for the articles. In exchange they get rid of the photos they took earlier in the day.

So the first point here, that hopefully I don't need to spell out, is that you don’t wanna go throwing buckets of water at journalists. Thankfully, Paul did realise this and course corrected, but I can only imagine what the fall out would have been had he hadn’t gone after them. But what’s important for this story is that Paul is fed up with journalists and having to share his private life, he's emotional, and his instinct is to lash out.

The other thing that’s interesting here is a line that goes completely unnoticed. At this point, The Beatles split is not public knowledge. 

The Beatle thing is over. It has been exploded, partly by what we have done, and partly by other people. We are individuals, all different. John married Yoko, I married Linda. We didn’t marry the same girl.

(Paul McCartney in Life Magazine, November, 1969)

This is huge, and it doesn’t get picked up by anyone else. It’s not made a big deal of in the Life article, it’s perhaps the clearest statement we get about the state of The Beatles, and yet it flies under the radar. I’d love to know exactly what the deal is here, but there’s not much we can do about that, but what we should start keeping in mind in this: there is no plan in place around The Beatles split. There is just an agreement to not make it public yet. 

The McCartneys go back to London and Paul starts recording music with his new equipment at home. Later he books studio time when he decides he can make an album out of the songs he’s been working on. 

Some key dates: 

Paul finishes the album on 25 February.

The album is set to release on 17 April.

Ringo’s album get rushed to release two weeks early on 27 March and Let It Be is also supposed to be released in April.

On 31 March John and George send a letter, delivered by Ringo, asking Paul to delay the release of McCartney. Paul refuses and Let It Be gets moved instead. 

Which brings us to April. Prior this, Paul realised that if he’s going to be putting an album out he’s going to have to do some publicity, but the problem is… well, there’s a few; he’s never had to do publicity for a solo album and simply doesn’t have the knowledge, his relationship with Apple has completely deteriorated which includes the people who have been handling this stuff for him in the past, and lastly, he doesn’t want to be dealing with press. Refer back to him and the bucket. 

Thankfully, Peter Brown and Derek Taylor from Apple’s press office, tell him he does need to do something and to an extent, he listens. They select a handful of papers he’ll do interviews with, and Peter Brown puts together a Q&A for Paul to answer, which will go out to journalists in the press kit with their early copy of the album (x).

What I would love to do here is a question by question breakdown of that press kit Q&A but I’m conscious of how long this is already so I won’t… but before we get into that, here are a few more key events: 

7 April: The Eastmans issue a press release with news about Paul’s solo album and his acquisition of the film rights for Rupert The Bear. This is covered mostly by American press on 8 April who speculate that this could mean the end of The Beatles. (An important note here is the lack of communication between the Eastmans and Apple, not knowing what materials each other are providing is not helpful).

9 April: McCartney press kits are sent to journalists. 

9 April: Before Don Short at the Daily Mirror clocks off for the night, he is called by an Apple employee who tells him Paul has definitely quit. 

10 April: The Daily Mirror breaks the news with the headline ‘Paul Is Quitting The Beatles’. 

10 April: After doing interviews all day, Derek Taylor issues a statement regarding The Beatles. It doesn’t say much, which he acknowledges, because there’s not much he can say at this point. Another important note here, is that not even the head of publicity of Apple knew what was going on with The Beatles. There is no communication, and with no communication there can be no plan.

(Paul McCartney Project page that covers all this)

So what happened that made The Beatles split go from speculation to a certainty? It’s all to do with that Q&A. Of course, with the Eastman’s press release people were going to start connecting the dots, but that call Short got from his source isn’t presented as a rumour. 

Now, there’s a lot to say about this Q&A because Paul's answer are so unhelpful and you can feel his attitude. I think the fact this was allowed to go out is a fundamental piece of evidence of Paul’s relationship with Apple at the time. No one wanted to tell him no, and he certainly wasn’t going to give them more than the bare minimum. 

And lets be really clear here. This is a Q&A for his new album. Obviously the state of the Beatles was going to be brought up which is why Peter Brown included the questions, but the number of the questions on that topic and then Paul’s answers, make it really confusing and it’s no wonder this is what press picked up on, rather than just talking about Paul’s album. There are 41 questions in total, and 13 of them are asking him about his relationship to the other Beatles, Apple and Klein. That’s just over a third of the Q&A talking about things that he doesn’t want to be talking about. The fact he didn’t just tell Apple that he wasn’t going to answer some of the questions shows how little forethought went into this on his part. There was a much more concise way to do this, and I do not believe for a second Paul wanted further questions about the state of the Beatles when he’s trying to promote his first solo album. 

And remember what I said at the top, about how if you’re gonna be promoting something in the press you want clear messaging around it? That’s already going be difficult now this Q&A has tied so much of the Beatles split into their messaging, despite Paul actually having a pretty clear idea of what the album’s story is aside from that, but the answers Paul gives to those questions just add further confusion. 

Link to full Q&A.

Q: Were you influenced by John’s adventures with the Plastic Ono Band, and Ringo’s solo LP? A: Sort of, but not really. Q: Will they be so credited: McCartney? A: It’s a bit daft for them to be Lennon-McCartney-credited, so ‘McCartney’ it is. Q: Will the other Beatles receive the first copies? A: Wait and see. Q: Is it true that neither Allen Klein nor ABKCO have been nor will be in any way involved with the production, manufacturing, distribution or promotion of this new album? A: Not if I can help it. Q: Did you miss the other Beatles and George Martin? Was there a moment eg, when you thought ‘wish Ringo was here for this break?” A: No. Q: Are you planning a new album or single with the Beatles? A: No. Q: Is this album a rest away from the Beatles or the start of a solo career? A: Time will tell. Being a solo album means it’s the start of a solo career… and not being done with the Beatles means it’s a rest. So it’s both. Q: Is your break from the Beatles temporary or permanent, due to personal difference or musical ones? A: Personal differences, business differences, musical differences, but most of all because I have a better time with my family. Temporary or permanent? I don’t know. Q: Do you see a time when Lennon-McCartney becomes an active songwriting partnership again? A: No. Q: What is your relationship with Klein: A: It isn’t – I am not in contact with him, and he does not represent me in any way. Q: What is your relationship with apple? A: It is the office of a company which I part-own with the other three Beatles. I don’t go there because I don’t like the offices or business, especially when I’m on holiday.

So what can we get from this? It’s the start of a solo career for Paul, he doesn’t know if The Beatles break is permanent or temporary, he’s not in contact with Klein and Klein doesn’t represent him, he owns part of Apple but he doesn’t like going there, and he seems very certain that the Lennon-McCartney partnership is over, despite not being sure if The Beatles will play together again or not. 

It’s a mess. It raises further questions. The only reason I can think of for it being so long is Peter Brown trying to cover absolutely everything he could think a journalist would ask, but it’s given Paul far too much scope for muddled answers, and in some cases, factually incorrect ones. He is tied up with Klein whether he likes it or not, because Klein’s tied up with Apple and Paul still has a contract with them. 

It’s no wonder that this becomes the focus of the media narrative, and it makes Paul panic. 

So on 16 April, the day before McCartney was released, Paul sits down with journalist Ray Connolly. And we move from story making, into reactive messaging. There is some thought behind this - Connolly is friendly with The Beatles and had actually already been aware of the split thanks to an off the record chat with John, so he was a good choice. The interview was published in the Evening Standard, a few days after the album had come out. 

And here’s why you want a friendly journalist to talk to, because as the world rushed to say that Paul had broken up the band, Connolly led his article with this: 

Paul McCartney didn’t kill the Beatles. If the group is dead, McCartney might be seen as the last survivor. If he has quit, and he still hasn’t confirmed it, he was the last to go.

(Paul McCartney in the Evening Standard, 21-22 April 1970)

However, the interview is also extremely telling about where Paul’s at emotionally in this moment. 

A few days ago Paul McCartney decided to break his year-long silence and be interviewed. He wanted to clear up the confusion about his relations with the other Beatles and Allen Klein, and to kill the rumours that he was now ‘a hermit living in a cave somewhere with a ten-foot beard’. He wanted to show that he really was a happily married man with ‘a nice family and a good life’. But most of all he wanted to talk, to work things out in conversation, as much, I suspect, for his own benefit as anything.

This is not what you want to be doing with a journalist, you want to have this worked out before the conversation. 

We met for lunch in a Soho businessman’s restaurant. With hardly moments for the hellos, he’d launched into his theme, talking rapidly and intently, and only occasionally allowing Linda to come in as support and verification. He wanted to put it all straight, to show that no one was to blame for what had happened, and when after two and a half hours’ non-stop talking he had cleared up his mind and mine too, he laughed, said he felt better now, got into his car and went home.

This demonstrates the lack of media training he had. It’s a stark difference to the confidence he had doing press with the other Beatles, on his own and with a particular idea to get across he appears nervous and controlling. Long form interviews like this are a marathon, not a sprint, and had he had an advisor or representative that was willing to push back against him, he would have known how to handle this better.

Moreover, an interview of this sort should have been done and published prior to the album coming out, or at least on the day of. Yes, there were always going to be questions about The Beatles tied up with this release, but one long interview like this, that had been properly prepared for, could have gone a long way to keeping the story straight. He also, despite his steamroller-ing of the conversation to begin with, comes across much more balanced about the situation than he does in those Q&A answers, so leading with something like this would have put him on much better footing.

So let's just pause here. What have we got so far? We've got Paul wanting to do as little press as possible, and with a breakdown of communication with his press team resulting in minimal planning and advice. This goes completely against the picture John is trying to paint.

And I’m not done yet. Because now we need to talk about the response to the album which wasn’t what I imagine Paul had wanted. There are two reviews I’m going to focus on here, firstly from Disc & Music Echo, written by Penny Valentine. 

I don’t know what he was thinking when he planned this album. Perhaps he is laughing at us all. That’s fine, but it’s a pretty cruel way of doing it… almost a betrayal of all the things we’ve come to expect.

(Disc & Music Echo review, 18 April 1970)

It’s really harsh, but also this is within her right as a journalist. And what should someone do if they’re getting bad reviews? Ignore them. Thank the fans. Thank the people who say nice things. Don’t highlight negative attention, and certainly don’t lash out. 

And look, there’s a lot to be said about Paul, Linda, John and Yoko’s press communications over the 70s, the Melody Maker letters spring to mind, and I’m very aware that I’m looking at this from 2025 when PR is much bigger and better oiled machine, almost to the point of it being quite boring and predictable. I do, however, also think that ‘don’t lash out at journalists who don’t like your work’ is common sense. 

So Paul and Linda writing to Disc & Music Echo is a bit much to my eyes: 

Dear Penny hold your hand out you silly girl I am not being cruel or laughing at you. I am merely enjoying myself. You are wrong about the McCartney album. It is an attempt at something slightly different, it is simple, it is good and even at this moment it is growing on you, love. – Paul and Linda McCartney.

(Paul and Linda's telegram to Disc & Music Echo, 25 April 1970)

It’s condescending, and if you want to plant the seeds of what your album is meant to be, there are much better places and ways to do it. Again this is reactive, showing little to no planning earlier in the year. 

But here’s the thing that actually, completely baffles me. On the same day, in the same paper, another article gets published, this time by Derek Taylor, with the by line reading ‘Derek Taylor, Beatles Press Officer’. This just shouldn't happen. I can’t think of another case where someone’s PR is coming to their rescue in print. That’s not their job, and yes, Taylor used to be a journalist but he’s not anymore. I think this is way more to do with the way the people that have been with the Beatles since the early days are so emotionally wrapped up in this, they weren’t the people that should have been handling this.

(x)

It also shows though, that however much Paul was distancing himself from Apple, there were people still there who loved him. It’s an emotional, beautifully written piece calling for people to leave Paul alone, but also not a good PR move, especially when he’s highlighting a specific journalist. Whether Paul asked Derek to do this, or Derek did it of his own accord, I don’t know, but it looks defensive and if I was a journalist, I’d be rolling my eyes. 

Which brings us to the final part of this, the Rolling Stone review, published on 14 May 1970, nearly a month after the album came out, and largely not about the album at all, but a lot of  focus on Paul’s handling of the situation. 

The review of the actual songs is pretty complimentary, but this is also a personal attack on Paul. 

(Full review)

Unfortunately, there is more to this album than just music. Accompanying the release of McCartney was a mass of external information — all of it coming directly from Paul himself — which casts real doubt on the beautiful picture which the songs create. 

The sheets contain even more assertions about how happy and peaceful Paul and Linda are these days, and some interview statement from Paul concerning his relationship to the Beatles — statements which drip a kind of unsavory vindictiveness.

My problem is that all of the publicity surrounding the record makes it difficult for me to believe that McCartney is what it appears to be. In the special package of information which Paul wanted to include with the album we find startlingly harsh statements.

The lasting effect of this publicity campaign is to cast a dark shadow on an otherwise beautiful record. Listening to it now I cannot help but ask if Paul is really as together as the music indicates, how could he have sunk to such bizarre tactics?

I don't think this needs much commentary. You know something’s gone wrong with your PR when that becomes the focus, rather than the thing you’re actually trying to promote. 

If we return to the four things I listed above, I think we can pretty resolutely lay out what I wanted to do. 

Was there a clear, cohesive message? Around the album itself, sort of, Paul knew what it was. But it got tied up with the news of The Beatles split, the messaging around which was confusing with no one sticking to the same story. He also didn't do enough before the album came out, to get that messaging about his album stuck in people's heads. So overall, no. 

Did he build good relationships with press? No. He threw a bucket at one. He provided confusing press kit material, even to journalists he was friendly with he came across in a manner that was worth noting in an article, he sent a bitchy telegram to a journalist who wrote a bad review, and this all culminated in Rolling Stone spending more time talking about his publicity than his album.  

Did Paul have reactive messaging prepared? Evidently not, and then given the chance to provide some, he came across as panicked to the journalist he was speaking to. 

Did his Q&A provide clear, simple answers to common questions he was likely to get asked? No, it was overly long, asking the same questions in multiple ways and no editing was done to his short, snappy, confusing, and incorrect answers. 

I don’t want to give the idea that Paul, overall, is just shit at PR. (I mean, there's a difference between being a good spokesperson and good at PR but I won't get into that). He’s a highly successful musician who by all accounts, is now extremely good at interviews and making journalists feel at ease. He’s Paul fucking McCartney. But John saying this, in direct reference to this period of press activities is just not true. The album did well for Paul in the charts and sales, yes, but I’d argue that’s despite all this, rather than because of it. 

And it’s also important to reiterate, that Paul simply wasn’t interested in doing a lot of publicity. He wasn’t even sure this was going to be an album when he started writing the songs. He didn’t want people coming to his farm, invading his new family life (and rightly so), he didn’t want to be on TV or the radio every day. That’s why his Q&A is so terse and why he hadn’t put any thought in how he was going to talk about The Beatles. And whilst how he felt is understandable, what he needed were a team around him willing to push back, steer him, and were separate from Apple. That’s the only way, I think, this could have gone differently.

Even then, he probably wouldn’t have listened to them anyway: 

I don’t think I need a manager in the old sense that Brian Epstein was our manager. All I want are paid advisers, who will do what I want them to do. And that’s what I’ve got.

(Paul McCartney in the Evening Standard, 21-22 April 1970)

And that’s really the crux of it all, because you can’t do good with PR with someone who doesn’t want to take advice and thinks they know best. And I love him for it. 

[alparlaboratories]

Yuri Game Jam 2024 - Retrospective, thoughts and five recommendations.

As my favorite yearly pre-holidays tradition, the Yuri Game Jam has once again come and gone, giving us a staggering 110 games, comics, zines and pieces of writing to gnaw on for the remainder of the year. The timing is, as always, on point. A 2-month period where I’m given the task to make something is just what I need to keep the stress of the dying year at bay and avoid losing my mind, and I’m sure it’s the same for a lot of us.

And though the Yuri Game Jam has been going strong for nearly ten years and I’ve only been part of the last two, I’m amazed by how much it’s grown. Not just in the amount of entries, but in the scope and craft of the games themselves. I always strive to play every single entry from a jam I’m part of to the best of my ability, and though I haven’t gone back yet and played the submissions for the eight yuri jams I’ve missed (like with everything, I just gotta find the time) just comparing last year to this one gives me a lot of appreciation for the people who put so much work into it, especially those I recognized from 2023’s jam, whose craft has definitely evolved. And some others making their debut who absolutely blew my socks off with their entries. More on that soon.

Regardless, hi. My current online moniker is Inyssa; I’m an Argentinian creature who’s very new to the world of Original English Visual Novels, and someone new to VNs in general, but who’s fallen in love with the genre and wants to learn all about it. I’ve made two VNs so far (Don’t Die Digging and Blunt Soul Trauma) both for Yuri jams, though I still feel like I have a lot to learn, which is why I try to play as many OEVNs as possible, and also read/watch what inspired them.

I’m not in the habit of writing long pieces like this one, but I just had a lot of thoughts bouncing off after playing a good chunk of the entries for this year, and I had to get them out somehow. So here we are.

First off, a shoutout and big thanks to nadia nova and SabrinaTVBand, the organizers of the jam and two amazing creators in their own right.

So here’s my idea. I’ll give a small introduction to my thoughts on this year’s jam after this, and then I’ll recommend five (maybe a few more) recommendations from this jam for you to play. Except a top-5 would be, I fear, a little repetitive. I know what I like in terms of VNs, and if I just listed my five favorites there’d be a bunch of the same type of VN, which is not my intention. I want a little variety.

As such, I’ll list out five different types of games, five categories decided completely arbitrarily by me, and assign a ‘best game’ to each of them. Because while I went through these entries, there were times I saved the heavy ones for when I was in the right headspace, and some of the softer ones for when I needed a break. So hopefully there’ll be a little something here for everyone.

Yeah? Yeah.

Some barely-connected thoughts about this jam, and my impressions so far.

Again, I’m speaking as someone who’s only been here for the past two jams, so I’m not sure how much insight I can give here. It’s just my thoughts and my impressions.

What caught my attention the most about this year’s jam, what pleasantly surprised me, was the variety of submissions. And I don’t mean that in genre or themes. Though there is a very healthy mix of those, but it’s more the types of stories, the way they were told and crafted, the skill that went behind them, that was so nice to see. And not to say it wasn’t good last year. I was just as impressed in 2023, playing game after game the likes of which I didn’t know I could have access to before.

And it’s not until I had this year to compare it to, I think, that I noticed how much more diverse the jam has gotten. And less streamlined, more blurry in a good way when it comes to intent, craft and themes in a way that kind of feels like a genre’s growth into something like negative capability, though that’s maybe too much to speculate for someone so new to it.

To put it more plainly, looking back I see a lot of what seem like similar through-lines, similar family trees you could say in the way a good number of the games were made, in what they reminded me of. You could tell there were some convergent inspirations. Which is common when it comes to artists and writers who know each other, and who surely recommend other works to each other that they’re particular to. Vonnegut, Nabokov, Mishima, Joseph Heller, Dennis Cooper, Dostoevsky and a pinch and a dash of Mark L. Danielewski; those are a few of the authors I kept thinking back on in retrospect as I re-visited last year’s games. And while they are fantastic inspirations, there’s a lot of intersecting lines in between them. A cultural and geographical quirk/fascination for a type of individualistic apathy that’s to be expected in a mostly English-speaking jam, and certainly not something that made me enjoy it or those games any less, but a scope I’m very happy to see widen in 2024’s set of submissions.

It’s just nice to have variety, you know? Also a bigger pool of myth re-imaginings and re-tellings, which I’m so happy to see this year. One of my favorite parts of any game jam is to play/read something and then immediately go experience whatever it was inspired by, and that this year’s jam gave me that opportunity many more times shows its growth alone, in my opinion.

And now I’ll give some examples. Not all of the categories will be about what I wrote above; there’ll still be a good amount of that goodness reminiscent of last year that made me fall in love with the jam in the first place. But there’ll be more of it than last time for sure.

In any case, here’s my five recommendations (plus a couple more) of games to play from this jam, each with an accompanying song of my choosing, most/all from my own country. We make good music, what do you want me to say?

Without further ado:

5 - “Porque no hay tiempo de amargarse ni llorar por un pasar mejor (Because there's no time to cry and feel bitter about what might’ve been).”

(Or: Psychosexual capitalist hellscape games)

Accompanying song: Cartonero by Ataque 77

This is, I’m sure, what many know the Yuri Game Jam best for, its bread and butter. And for good reason. You go to your favorite neighborhood food joint for the sandwich that reminds you of home, and you go to this particular game jam for the sopping wet pathetic girlthings being ground into paste by the masticating gears of capitalism. 

This year’s crop didn’t disappoint on that front. It was actually hell to decide a best for this category.

But ultimately, I think the spot has to go to Heatwave by deaddeaddeath.

Content warnings: Dehumanization, self-harm, blood and violence, religious and sexual abuse, and more. Carefully look over the CWs in the game page before playing.

As I said before, this was so, so difficult. I knew that Heatwave deserved a recommendation as soon as I played it; one of the first games I played from the jam, actually. And then I played so many more that were just as good in that regard. Games that could’ve just as easily taken this spot… but none who reached this level of excellence, if only by a hair’s width.

One of those games is EasyXShot, which could’ve been the one chosen had I written this list some other day. It really was that close (if this were a straight-up top five, EasyxShot would be up there) and it’s a game that deserves to be played as long as you read the CWs beforehand. It has an immaculate dynamic between its two main characters, which is all you need to build a story really, but this one goes above and beyond. Another is No Dogs Under Heaven, which isn’t as much about capitalism, but definitely about grinding and crushing. Though it’s unfinished as of the time of me writing this, it made someone like me who has zero religious trauma deeply, deeply uncomfortable in a way I look for in these types of games, and also deserves a recommendation.

Anyway, onto Heatwave.

Catgirl suffers in capitalist hellscape

…is the main tag for the game, and it’s accurate. Angel (it/its) is a young cat hybrid who is in a not thoroughly explained and dubiously-consensual relationship with an older woman who runs a bar, living upstairs and helping her with whatever it can, whether it be its body or its skills. Unfortunately, even this isn’t enough for Angel to earn a living, and her caretaker needs money to keep it at her side. Left with no other choices, Angel applies to be a guide for the Heatwave, an impossibly vast and physics-defying space in between spots in the world where a blisteringly hot suburban landscape stretches into infinity, sapping the will and sanity of all who enter without being able to navigate it, which Angel seems to have an aptitude for. What follows is one of the best visual novels I’ve ever played.

Above, I said that I appreciate games that spark in me the curiosity to go and experience what they were based on, and Heatwave did that twice for me. Once with Roadside Picnic, and once for Not I (although that one isn’t as tied to the game per se).

But beyond that, I picked Heatwave for this spot because I genuinely think every part of it just works. 

Writing, first and foremost. The prose is raw and evocative, a gut punch through words for every one there is textually within the story, and it reads so beautifully on top of that. ‘...wait until its shrapnel thoughts caltrop picasso’, as another reviewer commented, is one hell of a descriptive phrase. It’s the kind of prose that makes the eyes stick to every word.

The sound design and the use of sound assets is perfect for the setting. The visuals and the way they’re programmed, the sharp, static-y cut-ins and the PC-98 reminiscent decorative boxes around the game and around the character portraits are beautiful, and so are the portraits themselves. The expressions, the little facial animations, everything makes me want to learn how to do it myself.

Not to mention Del and Angel’s relationship, which is like watching a train speed full-steam ahead onto a concrete wall, and being unable to do anything about it. Angel’s struggles, its quirks and triggers and everything else about it is so well-thought out, and it’s all integrated into the setting of the game itself, into the Heatwave in a way that tells a story on top of another story without words.

Heatwave is an incredible piece of art, and it’s what I hope to see every time I play one of these games.

4 - “Los viejos reyes vendrán con la tempestad (The old kings will come riding atop the storm).”

(Or: Re-imaginings of myths and folklore.)

Accompanying song: El Reino Olvidado by Rata Blanca.

I couldn’t be happier that we’re spoiled for choice here, difficult though it makes choosing a best one amongst all these games. Though it’s not specifically mythological stories I wanted more of. It’s more the subtle differences like fingerprints that you can sometimes see in works made by non primarily English-speaking teams or developers, even if I’m not sure all the ones mentioned here count for that. Still, part of the reason I’ve been toying with the idea of launching a Global South game jam is to bring a little more spotlight to these kinds of stories, and to have them for myself so I can experience them, of course.

There were four games vying for this spot. First there’s Lanú, who I almost made the winner mostly because it’s a promising demo with an ambiance and a setting that really appeals to me, also being a Spanish-speaker, and the fact it’s also available in that language is a huge bonus. 

Second is Night on the Bayou, a hilarious and very competently-made game about a Lousiana deadwoman rising from her grave as all specters do at the same time of year, and going on a quest to marry to her beloved before her time is up and she has to go back to the bayou. The art and the sprites are gorgeous, and it was also this close to winning the spot.

Third is Prisoner of the Mist, a beautiful T4T re-imagining of a few Scottish and Gaelic myths with a lot of love and originality thrown in. Very moving, very gay. I’d definitely recommend trying it out if any of that appeals to you.

But yeah, in the end it is Larut that takes the cake.

Fuck, the art of this game is gorgeous.

And not just the spritework, though that’s flawless on its own, but the whole presentation of the game, almost like reading an illustrated book of an old myth, the kind I used to read as a kid to give myself nightmares. Not to say that the game falls squarely in the horror category. It leans more psychological on that front, and there’s a good deal of intrigue and godly politicking going on that makes you want to know more.

Larut is a re-telling of the Indonesian myth of Nyi Roro Kidul, the godly Queen of the Southern Sea, a figure as enigmatic as she is regally charming, and who sees fit to take a young woman under her fins after she’s lost everything at the hand of her abusive family, making her into her lady-in-waiting. Said woman, Kandita, becomes grateful and infatuated with Nyi Noro Kidul in equal measures, to worrying degrees.

To what extent is this within the queen’s expectations, however, is not clear.

Despite being a re-telling of an already existing myth, the care and meticulous detail that went into every aspect of this game is easily on par with the best of myth adaptations. As I said before, I could see this being sold as an illustrated book in a library and I wouldn’t bat an eye. It’s clear the developers, artists and writers were not only on the same page, but knew exactly what they were doing, exactly what they wanted to make from this myth.

And they succeeded with flying colors. Do yourself a favor and give it a try; it’s not every day you get the chance to learn about mythology in such a beautiful way.

3 - “Quiero besarla hasta sentir dolor (I want to kiss her until it hurts.)”

(Or: So, how ‘bout that yuri?)

Accompanying song: Enamorada by Miranda.

Picking the best yuri out of the whole of the biggest Yuri Game Jam so far is as much of a tall order as I imagined, but at least the other four categories were able to take some games to themselves, because otherwise this would be impossible.

In terms of queer relationships, character dynamics and just the vibes of the yuri, there’s going to be a lot of room for debate. I’m not judging any of these in terms of real-life relationships. Nor am I trying to find the coolest, most interesting character dynamic; you could say this is a spot for something softer, a break from the intensity and trauma of the other categories.

It’s about girls kissing, is what I’m trying to communicate.

But it is also about vibes, about what game I enjoyed the most while being mostly invested in the main couple, if that makes sense. If not, sorry. I just want to talk about this specific handful of stories. First come the honorable mentions, though:

Gap Moe Mob Boss is exactly what it says on the tin; a harsh, commanding dog-girl mob boss comes back from prison to find another gang trying to encroach in her territory, and she must balance her role as a mafioso with her desire to spend all her time in the café where her bunny-girl crush works. It’s sweet, it’s nice to play and it has more research into organized crime than you’d think. Then there’s The Delicate Hearts of Sincerely Affectionate Girls, a hand-drawn and colored comic about someone coming to terms with her identity and the way in which she sees love, different from those around her. It’s hard to find good non-traditional romance, and this one is very realistic and sweet on top of that, so give it a try. Finally there’s Mechanical Relations, straight from the creator of my favorite entry for this year’s Menhera game jam; a short, adorable RPG about a robot girl and her girlfriend crashing into a scrap planet and having sex while waiting to be rescued. Simple, but effective.

The spot, though, ultimately goes to Signal Strength because I think it deserves the spotlight.

This is a videotome game about a small group of lesbians who work at an agricultural research station and a radio communications center in some far-off moon away from Earth, with little to do every day except talk to each other online or riding tractors. Ming, who works at the former, is bored out of her mind. With little else to do, she comes up with the idea of filming a home-made children’s show for her little sibling, using what little resources she and her friends can gather and roping them into acting and filming roles, including her ex and radio operator, who is very awkward around her.

Signal Strength might be the shortest of the games mentioned for this category, but there’s just something about it. It’s a simple game, but everything feels on point. The videotome aspect and vibes of the whole thing are immaculate; it feels as though you’re watching it all through a cheap video camera, and the ambient rural sounds are very well picked and utilized.

Though it’s the setting and how the characters react to that made me fall in love with it. It really feels like watching a group of young queer people stuck in a rural area who have to come up with their own entertainment, and there’s something so charming about it. Not to mention that the main relationship of the game is as realistically painful as these things usually are, especially when everyone knows each other where you live.

Also I thought the ending was very cute and appropriate.

It really is a nice, bite-sized gem of yuri, and that’s exactly what I wanted for this category, so go play Signal Strength. I doubt you’ll be disappointed.

2 - “I don’t actually have lyrics for this one.”

(Or: The best executed concept/well put together game).

Accompanying song: Fine, a small break from Argentinian rock. Go listen to the opening song for the 90’s anime adaptation of B’t X, it fucks.  

I wanted a category where I could talk about the games I thought worked well from front to end, the ones that had a concept and executed it perfectly or those that were really nicely crafted, though I’m not talking about production values.

Basically, the games where I didn’t have anything I would’ve personally fixed about it. The ones I looked at and thought ‘Yep, everything’s perfectly in place, what a tight narrative, it’s exactly what it needs to be’. Believe it or not, it’s hell to do that on purpose. 

And how wonderful that there were enough of these that I had trouble deciding, but also how stressful. These are the honorable mentions.

I feel bad I couldn’t give the spot to Monstrous Deep Blue, so you should go play it. The concept is simple; what if a tokusatsu episode but with sad trans girls who are terrible at expressing their emotions and being honest with each other? And it’s so well-executed. The story is exactly as long and as well-written as any of the best tokusatsu eps. and the spritework is adorable, not to mention the characters themselves. It’s a good one.

Then there’s Meat Girl! I loved this one. A short RPG about a girl who goes to the forest in search of her girlfriend who vanished months ago, but whom she couldn’t search for before because she was too numb and depressed. And in the meantime, it seems, said girlfriend has made friends with an angel who seems to want something from her. Also meat. Also mycelium networks. It’s short but quite punchy, definitely give it a try.

Anyway, I think the most impressive game of this jam is Bridgewater Deepwood Access Radio.

I would kill for Zinnia Braxton.

But anyway, this was the latest entry out of any of the ones in this list, but as soon as I finished playing I knew it deserved a mention. Even though it’s just a demo, it’s the game I enjoyed playing/reading the most, and I was really impressed all throughout by the care and polish that went into every little detail, big or insignificant.

Bridgewater Deepwood Access Radio is about a pair of lesbian coworkers who do a late-night paranormal radio show together, taking calls and listening to people’s supposed paranormal stories, injecting their own thoughts and theories in between. Reb is the romantic out of the romantic/detective dichotomy, maybe not fully buying every story but doing her best to let people be heard, while Zinnia is very much on the opposite camp, a stubborn and sometimes rude skeptic that can barely wait for people to finish telling their stories before shooting ten different holes into them.

The dynamic is really well-written, first of all. Skeptic/believer is a classic for a reason, one of my favorites, and adding Reb and Zinnia’s wildly different personalities and the way they’re both obviously into each other yet only one seems aware is very entertaining to read. Also they’re funny. This game is really funny, which is something that’s hard to do on purpose.

Then there’s the framing of the story. Though six (or more) are planned for the full release, the demo counts with four callers, each one with their own paranormal story to tell, each written and illustrated by a different person, to give the whole thing a bigger ‘anthology’ feel. And it’s hard to overstate just how much that helps the concept.

Though there were four of them, I couldn’t pick a favorite out of the callers/stories told in the demo. Each is unsettling in a very different way. Each draws you in as much as it does Reb and Zinnia, until the latter has a harder and harder time denying something weird is going on. Not to mention the music and the illustrations that every separate artist/composer provide adds to its own tale wonderfully.

Then there’s the honestly beautiful UI work. You look at the girls as though from behind a producer booth, complete with a multitude of buttons and switches and little doodads you can stim with while you experience each of the stories, each one with their own distinct and satisfying click-y sound. And it’s not just the outline. Every visual and audio touch to the UI transitions, to the main menu, even to the transitions of the scenes themselves is so polished and satisfying to experience.

I can’t imagine how much work from so many different people must’ve gone into this. A real team effort. And after playing it, I had to give it a topping spot on this list just on that alone, even if there’s many more reasons why I think it deserves it.

Not the least of which being that out of all the unfinished games on this jam, this is the one I want to see continued the most. I remain on the edge of my seat.

1 - “Pero no detendrán la primavera (But you won’t stop Spring from coming.)”

(Or: A shield of love and a spear of pure spite against the onslaught of fascism)

(Or: “You can’t all be posting on twitter, some of you fuckers gotta help your community”)

Accompanying song: Primavera by La Mancha de Rolando.

This might be the least populated, least complicated of the five categories, but it’s the one that matters to me the most. And while there are a handful of games that could fit here if I stretched the definition a little, there’s only one I feel really deserves both the mention and the spot, and I want to jump straight into it because I have a lot to say here.

She Was Swallowed by the Sun is my favorite game of this year’s Yuri Game Jam. Which doesn’t surprise me, as the people who made it, Snek (writer), Blood Machine (artist) and CØL (music) are also responsible for another one of my favorites from last year’s jam, and I am obsessed with everything they make together. 

Content Warnings: Bloody yet consensual sex scenes, state violence and sexual assault, unrelenting and suffocating fascism, gore, body horror and a lot more. Please read the game’s CWs written in the Main Menu and consider them before playing.

Previously I talked about how glad I was for the widening scope of this year’s crop of games in terms of themes and apparent inspirations, and while maybe running similar paths to some of those I mentioned, She Was Swallowed by the Sun veers in a completely different direction, in a good way. I’ll explain with a bit of a tangent before getting into the game proper:

Many of the transgressive fiction I’ve played on itch.io since developing an interest in OEVNs have done a very good job at depicting the realities of being queer, of being part of any minority while living under capitalism or fascism, probably far better than I could, and that’s part of what keeps me coming back to certain authors in the sphere. But there’s sometimes aspects of said games that fail to resonate with me fully. The… to put it unfairly, somewhat apathetic and individualistic view of one’s fate when living under these conditions does resonate, it’s true and raw and something I’m always happy to see, but there’s something about the flavor, the way it’s written that clashes with my own experiences having grown up where I have.

I guess it feels like it lacks some bite, compared to what I grew up reading? Which is no fault of the writing itself; not every story, not even this type, needs that kind of bite and I don’t want to imply that it makes those stories lesser in any way. I’m just describing the feeling of welcomed surprise that comes when you go to a restaurant in a foreign country and they make food exactly how you’re used to eating it back home. 

To put it bluntly, and not to toot my own horn but more that of those who came before me, our works of the same genre tend to skew more hopeful and defiant than the Anglo/Euro/American literature I’ve been catching up on these past few years. I guess having been the first Latin-American country to put its CIA-backed dictators to trial, and to force the man responsible for the death and disappearance of over 30.000 of our most vulnerable to die cold and alone in a cell, shitting himself to death, does give you a bit of an ego when it comes to standing up fascism. 

And right now, with those who would gladly follow in his footsteps, who would gladly throw our culture and history away and and gag on America’s cock currently in charge of our country, with our most vulnerable at risk again… Hopefully you can understand why I’d appreciate a game like She Was Swallowed by the Sun so much. A game about willing to put a bullet in your own head if it comes out the other end and goes into a fascist’s skull as well.

Anyway, enough about that. Watch Argentina 1985 if you wanna learn more, but now let’s get back to the game.

She Was Swallowed by the Sun stars One, a woman who was sent to prison for the supposed crime of trying to grow a Godseed, a dubious artifact that if fed by One’s body and the right amount of ‘shrines’ in specific locations, has the power to ‘call the sun’. To say more on that front would be spoilers. After spending a long time in prison, hiding the Godseed from the state within her own body, she returns to her old home where Anhedonia, her girlfriend and the one who’s been slipping her drugs that allowed her to halt the Godseed’s growth inside her, is waiting for her.

What follows is nearly 30k words of One and Anhedonia’s daily life as they continue their revolutionary work, using One’s body to feed the Godseed -which causes her indescribable pain- and putting in place all the necessary shrines for the day of reckoning, the only chance anyone might have to deal a fatal blow to the fascist state they live under.

And in the meantime, knowing full well that their deaths are swiftly approaching, One and Anhedonia live their lives. They cook stuff for each other, they go out on dates, they have bloody sex on multiple occasions and they hang out with their only friend now and then, being adorable gay dorks.

If that contrast sounds as interesting to you as it did to me, you might get why I love this game so much. Of course that balance can’t last forever. Of course things deteriorate. The Godseed continually feasts on One’s insides, sprouting eyes all over her that give her a near-divine cognizance that’s too much to bear, and the price she and Anhedonia have to pay in order to make it to the end is more than either of them can mentally or physically stand, and yet they do it anyway. To say more would, again, be spoilers, but the rounding third of the game is a series of scenes that feel like a knife is being twisted inside your gut continuously.

And yet One and Anhedonia never stop being cute, gay dorks in love with each other.

It’s not just the unfathomable acts of love they perform for each other, it’s not just the determination to die for their cause or the unfairness of it all. It’s the feeling that this is something that must have happened in the real world, multiple times.

She Was Swallowed by the Sun does not pull its punches. Its setting might have some fantastical elements, but the pain and oppressive hold of fascism are very real. And that, combined with the way the story itself is resolved, feels almost like a love story to those who have died maybe not for the righteous wish for a better tomorrow, but simply because they can’t live unless they push back.

The way self-sacrifice is shown in the game is refreshing. It’s often not a decision taken in the heat of the moment but a series of decisions taken deliberately over the course of months if not years. It’s sitting alongside the people you love and every day choosing to further a plan that you know will kill you, or them, or all of you, because you just have to. Those around you wouldn’t love you if you chose to do anything else.

And the way that is shown, brought to a boil and then a post-conflagration simmer deserves all the praise I can give. I love this shit. I love this game. If you can stomach the content warnings, I’d say give it a chance to make you love it too.

Closing thoughts

Hard to believe that a couple people working together to organize an event like this, plus all the support and encouragement from the other jammers in the Discord server, is all it takes to bring over a hundred yuri games into the world.

It boggles the mind to see a niche like this grow so much year after year, and it makes me very excited to see what 2025’s gonna bring on that front. Personally, I wouldn’t mind seeing some shonen yuri VNs. Nadia nova has done some good work there already, but there can always be more.

And again, big thanks to nadia and SabrinaTVBand for making this all possible and for moderating the community out of the goodness in their hearts. This jam means a lot to me, and a lot of people, and without it we wouldn’t have so many incredible games.

Until next year then, and do try to give these reccs a try. I’d bet you’re not gonna be disappointed.

[hello-vampire-kitty]

Servamp chapter 136 translation "The gentle flutter of a butterfly's wings"

Read the chapter on Mangadex!

Keep reading for translation notes.

Oh boy, this chapter had some difficult lines that took me a while to translate and hopefully I managed to convey them ;;

Alright, to start off, I want to point out that in the top left panel, Hokaze is holding the novel Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë, so if you know the plot of the story, you can make connections with her. Also, regarding her name...It's sounds weird for her because she's a woman. I looked up Hokaze (歩風) on Japanese names sites and it was listed for boys, while the readings Ayuka or Honoka were listed for girls.

Well, if Tanaka-sensei hasn't mentioned so far that it wasn't a mistake, then her name is Hokaze.

In Japanese, 情欲 and 色欲 mean lust the latter is the one used regarding Lily, however they have different nuances. Basically, the former implies a desire for emotional attachment as opposed to 色欲 that is focused on the physical aspects of attraction, without necessarily implying emotional attachment.

As you can see in the translation, the intended reading is 私 (I, myself) while the other reading is 色欲 (lust).

愛のない情欲のことだけを私 (色欲) の名前で呼ぶのでしょうから。

I had the most trouble with this page, like OMG...

Lily had some difficult lines and it's possible that I haven't conveyed them to well, thus I will give insight on how I understood them. Here's the original line 人は美しい時間のままに死にゆく。 それだけがいい。

I don't like to assume things. I try my best to convey what characters say and of course I rely on the grammar that is used so that's why it was difficult to interpret the above line which I ultimately translated as "People dying while they are still beautiful...That alone is a good thing"

A direct translation would be "People will die in a beautiful time" which sounded weird...Like I said, maybe my interpretation isn't good and I wanted to add "should" because Lily's is giving his opinions and I thought it will work but I if it's not suggested by the grammar, I couldn't do that. If you look at the first line on this page where "should" is there because that's how a grammar part translates.

So yeah, it was tough working on this line seeing how it can be interpreted...

Sloth uses words that have alternative meanings. When he says "This makes us even", the other reading is fire. "We should have a discussion after all". The other reading is "fighting" and Sloth also said this in chapter 133.

There is one word with another reading in Tsubaki's first line which I found that it has the meaning of "older sibling" although it's usually translated as head or neck 首 (kubi) My assumption is that Tsubaki used 首 with the connotation of "older sibling" because it reflects how he was born in the Edo period (revealed in later chapters), so he's using an archaic term. The intended reading is もの which means "object" and one theory I have about the other reading is related to the camellia flowers that are said to be associated with a head that is cut off because when they wither, the flowers fall at once.

The last note is about Tsubaki's skill which is difficult to interpret its meaning ;;

I translated it as "Crossing".

The Japanese word 渡 comes from the verb 渡す that has the general meaning of "to hand over/deliver but there is also the meaning of "to transport", "to carry across". While it can be translated in several ways, I like the translation I made and I found that the verb is used "to say a requiem" 引導を渡す I'd say it connects with his ability "Shura Funeral". This term originally refers to a ritual or ceremony in Buddhism called "引導供養" (indou kuyou), where a deceased person's spirit is guided to the afterlife. So yeah, let me know what you think. I'd like to hear your opinions and I hope these notes are helpful!

[ripplestitchskein]

I don’t know if we’ll ever get into it, because the show at this point largely plays it off as a joke, but I do wonder if Blitz’s very misogynist language and his association with feelings as being “gay”or for “pussies” will be explored more as part of this. It’s really hard to tell at this point if it’s an issue to be examined in the narrative’s eyes or just Brandon’s particular brand of humor coming into play with no deeper character considerations beyond the superficial “he uses insults and abrasive language to keep people at arms length”.

I mentioned it in one of my episode breakdowns but Blitz’s interactions with women are very interesting. Whore. Slut. Titty Haver. He is exceedingly more aggressive with women he meets than he is with men. Yet Blitz seems to have very much loved, and from the little we’ve seen, had a good relationship with his mother. He seems to get along well with Millie, he takes good care of Loona. Barbie is the only character he hurt he actively pursues to reconcile with. Yet all his interactions with other women he is a lot more hostile and aggressive than in his interactions with other men and that’s present from Murder Family on.

Most of his disguises are him dressing in drag though? If he has to put a costume on he generally defaults to female presenting. He seems to enjoy it as well, based on expressions and animated body language he is comfortable and having a good time. Again, hard to tell if it’s just a bit, but Blitz has been shown as pretty gender non conforming many times for a guy who mostly uses gendered insults. Some of it could be as simple as hiding horns and tail being made slightly easier by a wig and a dress, it could be just the way the writer’s humor trends but it could be a lot more.

Especially when paired with his clear association with feelings = gay. A crux of his post Full Moon communication attempts with Stolas seem to be “Haha, silly feelings, that’s gay, let’s…have gay sex about it again?”. Feelings are for pussies. What you said is gayer than love ballads. Etc. etc. The dude has no issue filling a house party with his conquests from across the gender spectrum though.

It just reads as coming from somewhere else. Cash specifically. Blitz himself seems to default to queerness. He doesn’t seem to care about it from the perspective of his own sexual relationships or gender expression but at the same time he is very misogynistic and associates things that make him feel weak or could be perceived as weak with gayness or women.

We have some scenes from the trailer that could potentially explore his more. His scene with his mom possibly coming out about his feelings for Fizz versus Cash refusing to let him see him at the hospital. Those may just be more “your romantic reveal led to a horrible tragedy” but it could also hopefully give some insight into why he handles the Full Moon fight like a 90’s middle schooler declaring anything that makes him feel squishy inside with a “That’s gay.”

[miniwheat77]

Give ‘em hell. Pt.2(Captain Price x Reader.)

!CW! NSFW, Angst, Smut, pregnant reader, birth, unprotected sex, so sweet you’ll cry.

Part 1

I put as much thought into this as I possibly could. I hope enjoy.

Someone did ask about part 2, here’s that :)

Once you and John had gotten dressed, you knew it would be a fight to get out of there and to the exfil point. Captain Price called for help in the early hours of the morning, and they came as soon as they could. He let you sleep in as much as he could, knowing that your body would be more exhausted than his.

After the short conversation you had shared together, you’d fallen back asleep. He watched as you slept, so peacefully despite the shitty situation you’d been in. He was worried. The both of you would potentially have a child together, this would take away from your jobs, from your lives. It would ruin your chances of meeting someone your age and living a peaceful life with them. You wouldn’t want to be with someone like him, you had a large age gap. You had so much potential. He didn’t want you to feel like you would waste your time with someone like him. He was quiet as the both of you hiked to the exfil point. You were exhausted and sore. You had a million things going through your head, just as he did. You were stressed, nervous. Everything. When you reached the exfil helicopter, you sighed in relief. These last 24 hours have been eventful. Everything that had happened, should have happened in some kind of sci-fi/romance book or movie. It didn’t seem like something that could happen. Especially not to you.

When you returned to base, the both of you were berated with questions. What happened? Are you injured? Why was there a building lit on fire? Why were you both silent on the radios? Captain Price had to come up with something. Telling them some story about being held hostage.

When everyone finally laid off, he took you with him to see Laswell. She would know what to do. She asked a lot of questions. Luckily Captain Price had the paperwork, it gave her more insight, within the span of an hour or so, she’d been in contact with an agent from the CDC, someone who specializes in drugs like this. They knew what to do. “John, can I speak to Y/N in private?” He looks at you, seeing the nervousness in your eyes. Tears gathering at the waterline. You were nervous. He was too. He nods his head, standing up. He waits just outside the door, but unfortunately can’t hear anything. “Since you and Captain Price destroyed all of the evidence, there’s nothing else for us to collect to see what the lasting effects of this could be. You’ve both submitted blood, and hopefully that will give us enough. But in the chance it’s not… there’s only one more option.” She sighs.

“Yeah? And that is?” You ask.

“The fetus.”

“I’m sorry?”

Laswell bites her lip. “You’re pregnant Y/N. That’s why you’re cured. There’s a fetus in your body, and the drugs are still it in.” Your mouth goes dry, eyes starting to water. “You wanted to abort this child anyways, right?” She asks. “What? No.” Your body is starting to shiver in panic. You don’t want this. “Y/N. You can’t have this baby. You have no idea what you’ll be getting yourself into. John doesn’t want this baby, it was merely by chance that this happened to the both of you.” You shove your chair back away from her desk, the feet making an awful screeching sound along the floor. You slam it forward, tears starting down your face. Upon hearing the commotion, John opens the door. Just in time for you to stare daggers at Laswell. “Fuck you.” You growl. You storm past John, rushing down the hallway, wiping your eyes. “What the hell did you say to her?” He asks. “The truth.”

“And that is?”

“The CDC needs that fetus for testing John. She’s delusional, thinking she could have some ulterior life with this.” Laswell knows she’s made a mistake when John starts to grit his teeth. “That child, is none of your concern. It’s not anybody’s property, it won’t be used for testing, and she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to do. If you want to find out what that stuff is so badly, go sort through the burnt rubble of the building it came out of.” He seethes. His words are laced with venom, and Laswell can’t believe he’d have taken your side. He rushes out of her office to find you, and when he finally does, you’re upset. He sits next to you, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you into him. “It’s okay.”

“Do you want me to do it?” You look up at him.

Your face shatters his heart right in his chest. Teary, puffy eyes. Your nose and cheeks have turned red from you crying. “Of course not.” He sighs. You swallow down another sob. “Y/N.” He sighs. He grasps your hand in his. “I want you to do whatever your heart tells you to do. Not what you think is right.” He squeezes your hand. “If you want to keep this child, than you do it. You don’t let them persuade you or pull you in any direction you don’t trust.” He breathes. “What do you want me to do?” You sniffle. “I want you to do what you want to do, but if you’re asking my opinion, or what I would do.” He bites his lip slightly. “I hope you’ll keep it. I hope you’ll give me the opportunity to be the dad I never got to be. I hope that.. in some way, we’ll be able to make it work.” He laughs. He knows he’s delusional. You’ll never go for it. “But I know you’re young, and I know you don’t see yourself with someone like me. And that’s okay, I want you to do what you want. No matter what. And I’ll support you every step of the way.”

You’ve got your hands wrapped around his neck, taking him off guard in just a second. Your lips are on his. He pulls you into his lap, wrapping his arms around waist and pulling you tighter to him. “I think you deserve to be a dad.” You look at him. He smiles. He can feel tears in his eyes, but he blinks them away. “I think you’re just saying that.” You laugh, looking down. “It’s true. And I want you to know that I wouldn’t cheat you out of this just because I’m scared. I am scared. But you’ll be a great dad. And.. if you think for a second I’d wish for something different, to be with someone my age or under different circumstances, you’re wrong.” You mumble. He chooses to say nothing. He give himself a minute to really let what you’ve said sink in, sting him to the core.

He pulls you back into him, not caring if anyone happens to pass by.

—

“Y/N. No.” He breathes. “John. I can’t miss this. If I miss one more mission, they’ll know what’s going on.” You seethe. You’re trying to be quiet. He pulled you into his room for this.

“Y/N. You are pregnant. I’m saying no.” He breathes. He picks up his radio, and turns his back to you so that you can’t snatch it out of his hand. “Y/N isn’t feeling well, she won’t be accompanying everyone for this mission.” He announces. You stand there, unimpressed. The fight you have put up isn’t going to be enough, and you know it. “You don’t get to tell me what to do John.” You breathe. “Y/N. This isn’t about you.” He breathes. “Yes it is!” You raise your voice. “It’s my baby too goddamnit!” You flinch as he yells at you. “It’s my baby too. And I care about you okay? These last couple months have been nothing short of stressful and you’re the only goddamn person here keeping me sane. I love you, and I love this baby. I don’t want you out there on the field anymore and if I have to, I’ll stop lying about it. I’ll tell them you’re pregnant, and you won’t be able to go anyways.” He breathes. His chest is heaving, and you’re stunned.

Your eyes are wide, lips slightly parted. It takes him a second to calm down enough to try to apologize. “I’m.. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to raise my voice at you.”

“You… you love me?” You ask. He swallows hard, only just now realizing what he’s said. He sighs. “Yes. I love you.” He slides his hat off. He’s still in his full gear from earlier. You’re in complete shock, and he knows he’s fucked up. It was too soon. “I’m sorry- I shouldn’t have said that.” He breathes. He’s starting to panic, he didn’t want to scare you off. “I love you too, John.” Your admission is small, it takes him by surprise. He can’t believe his ears. The way that he’s staring at you, it’s pure need. You can feel the intensity between the both of you, and whatever god put you both here, you wanted to thank them. A hiccup leaves your lips, knees feeling weak as he creeps closer. “John.” You whimper. He closes the gap between the both of you, knowing exactly what you need. Being a little more rough than he intends as he pushes you back up into the wall behind you. His lips move against yours fervently. Kissing you like you’re about to turn to dust right in his hands. He’s panting when he pulls away, attacking your neck. He holds your shirt tightly, pressing his forehead to yours. His eyes are screwed shut tightly, knuckles turning white from the grasp he has on you. “I love you. I fucking love you, Y/N Y/L/N. I will do whatever it takes to keep the both of you safe, until I die. I swear to god.” He breathes. He lets go of your shirt with one of his hands. Pushing his hand up your shirt, feeling the slight bump that’s begun to form. Tears spill from your eyes, how the hell did you end up here?

“Make love to me John.” You pant.

He wastes not even a second, lifting you up and laying you down onto his bed. He’s tearing off his gear as fast as he possibly can, not even bothering to see if the door is locked. He doesn’t care anymore. The only thing he even gives a shit about anymore is you and his baby. When he slides into you, your freeze, the air leaving your lungs. You didn’t realize just how much you had missed it. Your eyes filled with tears again, and you clawed at his back, taking in a sharp gasp with every deep thrust he took into you. Each one showing you exactly what you meant to him. Proving everything he’s just said 100% correct. He loved you, and he was going to show you just how much. You’ve got a hand wrapped in his hair, head tilted back into his pillow. Your legs are wrapped around his back and he’s panting into you, his room feels at least 20 degrees hotter.

The both of you have beat red, hot sweaty skin. Teary eyes. His dog tag dangles in your face, rattling as he thrusts deep inside of you. He buries his face into the crook of your neck, breathing hard. “I love you.” He breathes. “I love you too John.” A gasp leaves your lips as he thrusts a bit harder. “So goddamn much.” He breathes. His teeth are gritted, he needs his body on yours. If he wasn’t the weight holding you down, surely you’d float away. He was Captain John Price, he didn’t deserve nothing like this. No happy stress-free life. No happy ever after with a baby, and a woman who loves him. He deserved nightmares and flashbacks. He deserved anti-depressants that kept him sane, he deserved to take ambien just to help him sleep at night, to stop the constant screaming, smell of burning flesh from his brain. He didn’t deserve to feel comfortable or good. He didn’t deserve to have a baby that called him Dad, someone he could take care of and spoil. Someone he could treat ten folds better than he was ever treated as a child.

He holds back his tears, but you can’t. He kisses them away as he makes love to you, keeping his thrusts steady, you deserved to feel good. After all of the stress and discomfort. You deserved to be underneath him, letting him worship you. “You’re so beautiful. So fucking pretty.” He breathes. You’re clutching at his sides, and he groans as he feels you clenching around him. “John- I’m going to-“ you pant. You cup his cheeks with your hands, pulling him down into you. You kiss him hard as you cum, reaching your high. You moan into his lips, the only thing keeping you grounded is the scratch of his mustache. He screws his eyes shut, deepening the kiss when he reaches his own high, holding himself up with one hand, holding your jaw a little harder than he intends. So that he can kiss you hard, so that you couldn’t shy away from him. He needs you to know what you mean to him. You gasp into his mouth when you feel his warmth filling you, painting your walls. He keeps you still, when he finally pulls away from you, it’s only for a second, so he can lay next to you. Pulling you into him again. He pulls the blanket over the both of you.

Later that same night, he’s watching you as you’re getting dinner. You’ve told him over and over again, don’t make it look obvious but the protective side of him just can’t. You’re carrying his baby, he watches you like a hawk. Even when you don’t know it. “Cap, have you got a crush on her something?” Gaz laughs. John forgets he’s even there. He’s so focused on you. “Uh.. no. Of course not.” He laughs. “I don’t believe that for a second.” He laughs. “Yeah, even I’ve seen it. You watch her nonstop.” Soap laughs, taking a bite of his food. “No.. it’s not like that.” He mumbles. “Than what’s it like?” He asks. Everyone quiets immediately as you sit down at the same table. Right next to John. “Hey, Y/N. Are you sparring tomorrow?” Another solider asks. “Oh.. um. No unfortunately not.” You mumble. “Why not? You haven’t sparred with anyone in months.” She complains. “Yeah, you haven’t gone on any missions either, you keep saying you’re sick.” You sigh, getting annoyed with everyone bugging you. “Come on, you need to spar with us more or you’re going to get out of shape.”

“I can’t spar with you. Not anyone.” You mumble. “Oh come on, why not?”

“Because I’m 4 months pregnant.” You say it louder than anyone expects and she jumps a little bit. Everyone is staring at you wide eyed, you roll your eyes, standing up and walking away. “Um.. she didn’t mean to be so aggressive. You know.. hormones and whatnot.” Captain Price tries to console the girl you’ve just blown up on. Although he doesn’t really care how she feels. “Wait. Why aren’t you surprised, you knew?” Gaz asks. “Of course I knew, it’s mine.” The words have left his mouth before he even has time to think about it. Flinching when he realizes. “Look.. it’s a long story. We’ll have a meeting on Monday.” He mumbles. He picks up the both of your trays of food, walking away to find you. Everyone is still stunned, too shocked to move or say anything for a few minutes. “Holy shit. Did I just hear that right?” Gaz laughs. He’s still in complete shock. “Believe so.” Soap laughs. “Cap is going to be a dad.” He smiles.

“Hey..” John smiles when he sees you. “I was mean wasn’t I?” You mumble, tears gathering in your eyes. “Ah, I’m sure she understands Y/N. Nothing to get worked up about. But you and I definitely have some explaining to do.” He raises his eyebrows, smiling. You smile at him. Taking the tray from his hands. “S’alright sweetheart. Nothing to worry about.” He sits on the edge of the bed, passing you a plastic fork. He’s always trying to get you to eat, and when you like something, he offers you his. Saying he doesn’t want it or doesn’t like it. Even if he does, just so that he can see you smile. You are eating for two anyways. He doesn’t mind.

After that Monday morning, everyone is kind to you. They heard about the mission, what had gone wrong. Everything. You’re still on base for the time being, until everything gets settled. You apologized to everyone for your outburst, but of course they understood. They liked watching you and their Captain, even if it was a bit awkward at first. They liked watching him open things for you, stopping you when you were overdoing it. He caught you standing up on a step stool, and they couldn’t help but laugh as he scolded you like a small child, reaching up for something. He got you anything you asked for, he was kind to you.

He always gave you your favorite things, and when it came to MRE’s, he always gave you his vanilla pound cake. Which resulted in everyone giving you their vanilla pound cake. When Soap passed you his for the first time, you smile at him. And before you knew it, there were 3 more packages getting placed onto the table. “Gonna be one happy baby huh?” Soap smiles. You blushed and took them, John helping you open each of them.

Anytime Soap was around you, he’d gently fist bump your growing belly. Mumbling on about how “real soon he’d be able to fist bump your baby for real.”

It was a beautiful thing really. Until you had to leave the base of course. You’d hidden your pregnancy for long enough.

—

When the day comes, you’re drenched in sweat. Your eyes are heavy and tired and you can hear crying. The sweetest sound you’ve ever heard. When they pass you your baby for the first time. You can’t help it as the tears start to spill from your eyes. John watches teary eyed too, determined to not let them fall. But the moment his son is in his arms, he loses it. Turning his back to everyone as the tears start to spill from his eyes. His son is perfect, absolutely amazing. John nearly melts when he wraps his little hand around his finger.

Once they take your son and get him all cleaned up, leaving the both of you alone. The last thing you expect happens.

A knock at your door before it opens. “Hope everyone is decent!” You hear Soap call as quietly as he can for you to still hear. You smile when you see everyone coming in. The rest of task force 141, your brothers. John’s brothers. The best people you ever have had the pleasure of being around. “Had to convince everyone to let us get off base to come see ya.” Soap smiles. “We’re all sanitized and clean by the way, we wouldn’t have come in otherwise. Ghost even prayed his mask.” You smile. “You want to hold him?” You offer to Gaz, who’s standing by your bedside. “Oh.. uh. Sure.” John stands up to help you. Letting Gaz sit down in his spot before passing him the little baby. “Damn, you’re kinda heavy for being brand new.” Gaz smiles, the little baby sighing in his arms. “Must be all that pound cake huh?” He smiles. You roll your eyes.

They each take turns holding him, and he starts to get a little fussy right as John is about to pass him to Ghost, and you can sense him getting a little nervous, but the moment he’s in Ghost’s arms, he relaxes. “He likes you, lad.” John smiles. He grasps hold of Simons finger, like he had with John, and Simons eyes widen. “Damn.” He mumbles. “I’m not giving him back now, he’s mine.” Simon jokes. You smile.

“Well. What’s it like huh?” Gaz asks. “What?”

“Being a little family?” He smiles. “It’s uh.. it’s pretty cool.” John smiles. “She did amazing, I don’t know anyone can handle that.” You roll your eyes. “Didn’t have much of a choice.” You laugh.

After visiting for a couple hours, and everyone is gone, John is sitting near your bedside. You’re holding onto your son, tired eyes. He grasps your hand in his, placing a kiss on the top of it. “You’re a great mum.” He smiles. “You’re gonna be a great Dad.” You giggle. “I love you.” He mumbles. “I love you too, John.”

[itsnotiss]

Anyone who follows me on here with a Twitter/X account:

In case you haven't heard, the Twitter Privacy Policy is changing on September 29th. The new policy states that any public content uploaded there will be used to train AI models. This, in addition to the overarching content policy which gives Twitter the right to "use, copy, reproduce, process, adapt, modify, publish and display" any content published on the platform without permission or creator compensation, means that any original content on there could potentially be used to generate AI content for use on the platform, without the original creator's consent.

If you publish original content on Twitter (especially art) and you don't like or agree with the policy update, now may be the time to review the changes for yourself and if necessary take things down before the policy update is published.

Edit: I wanna offer a brief apology for the original post, my wording was a bit unclear and may have drawn people to the wrong assumptions! I have changed the original post a bit now to hopefully be a more accurate reflection of the situation.

Let me just clarify some things since I certainly don't wanna fearmonger and also I feel like some people may take this more seriously than it actually is!:

The part of the privacy policy I mentioned regarding "use, copy, reproduce, process, adapt, modify, publish and display" is included in the policies of every social media site nowadays. That part on its own is not scary, as they have to include that in order to show your content to other users and have it published outside of the site (ie. embedding on other sites, news articles).

The scenario I mentioned is pretty unlikely to happen, I highly doubt the site will suddenly start stealing art or other consent and use it to pump stuff out all over the web without consent or compensation. I simply mentioned it because the fact that the data is being used to train AI models means that stuff on there may end up being used as references for it at some point, and that could then lead to the scenario I mentioned where peoples content becomes the food for new AI content. I don't know myself how likely that is for definite, but I know many people still don't trust the training of AI, which is why I feel it is important to mention.

I cannot offer professional or foolproof advice to people on the platform who have posted content before, I'm just some guy! I don't wanna make people freak out or anything. If you have content already on the site, chances are its probably already floating around somewhere you wouldn't want it. That's, unfortunately, the reality of the internet. You don't have to take down everything you've ever posted or delete your accounts, however I wouldn't recommend posting new content on the site if you are uncomfortable with the changes.

THIS POST WAS MADE FOR AWARENESS ONLY!! I AM NOT SUGGESTING WHAT YOU SHOULD AND SHOULD NOT DO, I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE!! /lh

TL;DR: I worded the original post slightly poorly, for clarification the policy being changed to allow for AI training doesn't automatically mean that all your creations will be stolen and be recreated with AI or anything, it just means that those creations will be used to teach the AI to make things of it's own. If you don't like the sound of that, consider looking into this matter yourself for a more detailed insight.

[blondeewhorre]

Just For Me

Your story about being in love with Sanji

(I made a 2nd part in Sanji's point of view. Also, I did this story based on the song by Laufey, just down below. Really good. 👍 Also, this takes place after the Whole Cake Island arc. SPOILERS if you squint enough.)

Sanji's story

There is one thing you were pretty accustomed to, even if it was a tad pathetic, it was your bad luck when it came to falling in love. You should have known by now that this kind of thing just wasn't meant for you, that love wasn't something that you were gonna be able to achieve in this life.

So you did what you did best, pine and love unconditionally from the background. Yes, that was what you were meant for, to love with your whole heart and hope that the person you love lived the happy life they deserved. That's what Sanji deserved and it did not matter to you how he just couldn't love one woman, especially with what happened back on Whole Cake with Pudding.

Yeah, all your hopes were flushed down the drain because of one selfish woman, though you could also understand why she acted the way she did when you found out about her and the hard life she had as a child by Katakuri. Katakuri...the one man who seemed keen on giving you the whole world if you asked him to and more if you stayed with him on Whole Cake.

You'd be lying if you said you weren't tempted by his offer, especially after everything that happened with Sanji...and the anguish that came with loving him wholeheartedly, moreso after everything started to go back to normal once the whole crew and Sanji made up. You really almost took Katakuri up on his offer of staying with him, especially when he told you, so heartfelt too, that he'd never find a woman like you again.

A man who loves you for you, that was more than you could ever ask for but what you needed and what you wanted never seem to come together in unison and agree on one thing when it came down to it. You were sick of it so…you ask him to give you some time, the time the crew was going to take staying here on the island before departing on their adventure once more.

And he did, Katakuri gave you the time and gave you your space, not once rushing you and trying to convince you to stay, allowing you to take control of your own emotions, thoughts, and actions and you will forever be grateful to him for it. You are grateful to him so when you sit by the lake where you had made friends with Pound, who you found out later on that he was the father of Chiffon and Lola, and wanted his insights on your dilemma to hopefully be convinced by him to stay.

He was gone now, you never did find out what had happened to him, you just hoped you’d meet him again one day. You wished your heart would stop nagging at you whenever you told yourself this, that the feeling of dread would go away as you kept convincing yourself that you’d one day meet him again. “What’s wrong?” You don't bother looking at the person behind the voice who asked you this, you already knew who it was.

"Hm..." You simply hummed in response, still in deep thought as the memories on Whole Cake kept replaying constantly in your mind. Your heart ached when they did, remembering the dejected expression Katakuri made when you ultimately decided to keep with your crew, with your friends. Then there was also the feeling of dread whenever you remembered Pound, unable to have give him your goodbyes due to him disappearing.

"Just have a lot on my mind." You mumble as you picked at the pie, as if you digged deep enough with your fork, you'd get all the answers you so needed. You finally bring your eyes up to look at him when you hear the chair scraping against the floor, sitting down as he faced you, giving you that smile that once again brought up all those feelings you wish you could move on from. "I'm all ears, mademoiselle." He spoke in a hushed tone as he leaned in closer to you and you had to drop your gaze to keep him from seeing the boundless love you held for this man.

You watch the dark ripples of your coffee, placing the fork down on you plate with your pie in favor of holding your hot cup of coffee in both hands instead. “I’m glad you’re back.” There was so much more you wanted to say to him but you always seemed to choke on those words every time you tried. You knew, without having to look up at him, that he was smiling again, that smile you’d give anything to make sure it would never disappear on him.

“I’m glad to be back.” He responds, his voice soft, like it always was whenever he spoke with you, one of the few reasons why you chose to keep loving him despite the neverending pain and melancholy it brought you. You bring your gaze to the black sketchbook beside your plate of pie, pondering, wondering what to do with it now that you’ve filled every blank space on it, poured your ache and devotion into it.

You could feel Sanji’s one eye on you, those blue eyes, which surprisingly enough also have specks of grey in them as well. You smile as you remember these details about him, his goatee, his blonde hair, his visible curly eyebrow, and…those long slender fingers of his. Those same hands also brought you comfort when you needed it most, his tender caresses on your shoulders and your cheeks, making you forget the yearning when he did.

You tap your fingers against the black leather surface of your sketchbook, once again humming in wonder before finally bringing your gaze back up to look up at him. Just as you thought, he was staring at you and that tender gaze, filled with nothing but fondness for you as he gave you that shaky little smile. Haven't you given enough? That little voice in your head pokes and prods at the wounds that never seem to heal, making it harder for you to hold back the tears you've been fighting tooth and nail since you saw him and Pudding in that alleyway.

You felt sick but maybe that was because all you had was pie and coffee this morning and even then, you didn't really have much an appetite for it either. "May I look through it?" His voice brings you out of the abyss of your anguish, looking up at him then down at what he was looking at. "Oh...um..." You stare at it as well, the book that held all your heartfelt emotions, a visual of your hurt and love all inside of this one sketchbook.

You were honestly tired, exhausted of constantly suffocating in this endless love for Sanji. You love him so much that all it brought was heartache, this despondent love of yours which you refused to let go of. "Yes, I guess you can look through it." You give up, what he did with the knowledge of all your feelings after was forever going to be in his hands from now on, as you slide the sketchbook over to him using the tips of your fingers.

You give him a tired smile before standing up, grabbing your cup of coffee and plate of pie, leaving him alone with your sketchbook as you head to the kitchen. You weren’t able to make it in there without having Luffy snag the pie off the plate and Robin taking your cup of untouched coffee out of your hands. Well, at least none of it went to waste and all your were left with was the small plate to wash, less work for you. “Wait.” You were reaching to push the door leading to the kitchen open but you are stopped by a firm and gentle grasp on your arm.

“Your drawings…” Right, you should have known better than to think he’d leave you alone after going through your whole sketchbook, and you hesitate turning around to look at him until you finally do. “They’re all…me.” Yes, they are all about him, some simple and others more detailed and complex. “Um…yes…they’re all you.” You couldn’t speak any louder than a hushed tone, afraid of the way your voice was beginning to waver as you spoke.

“And this one…why is…why am I…” You could tell that he wasn’t sure of what to make of the very last drawing involving him…him and Pudding kissing in the alleyway. You give him your plate and gently take the sketchbook in both your hands, rubbing your thumbs over the edges of the worn out pages. “Stolen memories.” Is all you give him, keeping your promise to Pudding when she noticed you watching them, your exhausted and broken expression not going unnoticed by her.

“I just…I’m trying to understand though, my lady. What does it all exactly mean?” You decide to just outright tell him, you were done keeping it all to yourself about how you truly felt for him. “It's my love…” You closed the sketchbook, running a hand over the all too familiar black leather cover once more before giving it to him again. “I want you to have it.” You wanted to leave it at that, having told him what you’ve been wanting to get off your chest for years and already feeling better once you do.

Oh, but Sanji just cannot leave things be, especially when it came to things like this. He wraps his arms around you, tightly, suffocating you in an embrace that he refused to let up from and you could feel him trembling slightly as he does. When he finally does let go, though with great difficulty, loosening his arms from around you and smiles at you despite your confusion, you are now able to see the deep affection swirling behind those eyes of his.

His hands come up to hold your face tenderly, leaning down slowly, his eyes never leaving yours while you had to fight back the urge to look away in embarrassment. “You are my reason for the strength I found to keep going…even when I had hit my lowest.” You could feel your eyes stinging with the tears you have always refused to let shed, always promising yourself that it was for the best that things remained the way they were.

“I love you.” Your cheeks flushed, lips quivering before finally breaking out into a fit of quiet sobs, tears finally cascading down your cheeks as you reached to hold onto his shirt, grasping onto him as he leaned the rest of the way down to press his lips to yours, not caring that they were drenched in your salty tears as he did. As painful as it was throughout all these years when it came to loving Sanji, if you knew then what you knew now, you wouldn’t change a thing…not a single one.

You’d let him break your heart all over again.

[maomaop]

Finished KnH vol10 !

This was definitely one of my favs?? It felt so long and complete, I loved the pacing and how it was structured.

Characters like Rikuson, Basen, Lihaku, Chue, Tianyu and Lahan’s brother (god knows if we will ever discover his name.. what a shame!) getting more spotlight was really amazing I really enjoyed seeing their dynamic together, I hope we will get even more of it in the future!!

Basen

Basen getting his character development arc thanks to ducks was unexpected but definitely NEEDED! His bond with ducks and mostly Jofu was hilarious and really unserious but it fits him so much😭

The little meetings between Lishu and Basen were adorable, I love the route the author is taking for their relationship. They desperately want to be around eachother it really couldn’t be more obvious!! Thats how soulmates are, however they both decided to continue going their separate ways for now in order to become the better version of themselves. They need to grow up, mature, and gain experience and work on themselves for their distinctive reasons. Hopefully by then Lishu will be over the age of 18 and things will work out between them.

I still have to talk about our stubborn man Basen, I appreciated reading the insights of his mind, getting to know more about how he sees some things from his perspective along with his takes on them. He thinks he has nothing really valuable about him outside of his brute strength but he’s much more than just a strong soldier to me. Regardless of his stubbornness he’s a very loyal and determined man, he stays true to himself while still getting the job done neatly and proudly because he has full trust in his superior.

Moving on to MISS CHUE!

I had to make this extravagant for her

Where do I start..? She’s SO likeable, there’s so much things to love about her

As Maomao said she’s VERY characterful, and I must say its true that she doesn’t look like a married woman with child in the slightest!! She’s very unique and silly, her presence during this volume made things so much more enjoyable to me. She stands on business while keeping her silly side (except when her mother in law glare at her…) She’s smart, quick witted and have a wonderful personality? ALL IN ONE nobody does it like her

She’s just in her own world, and I absolutely LOVED how she handled things with Maomao from the beginning to the end. Their dynamic was to die for, I remember Maomao being weirded out by her in vol9 but I knew she’d get along just very well with her she just needed to give it some time, I CALLED IT!

Chue being married to Baryou is absolutely insane to me, I mean just finding out Baryou was a married man was shocking but imagine my reaction when I found out Chue of all people was his wife? They are polar opposites and this is why Im in desperate need to know more about their relationship… Chue keep talking about hanky panky with him and I just can’t picture that at all..? Maybe Baryou do have that dawg in him after all regardless of his social anxiety heh

In conclusion Chue is hilarious and easily one of my fav characters of this volume, thank you miss chue for making this volume an unforgettable and unique reading experience for me!

Now its PLOT TIME

This volume was really an exceptional one, its just the beginning of the western capital saga but the result of the set up that has been happening for the last two volumes is perfect.

I’m a sucker for the lore of the windreaders and the whole thing revolving around politics: The empress regnant, the Yi clan and their connection to the windreaders along with them committing subterfuge with Shaoh. The ritual to prevent plagues involves domesticated birds, Shaoh being involved in this whole thing just couldn’t prevent me from linking it to the white lady. I talked about it here in details, this is all very suspicious but EXCITING!!! Gyoku-ou is clearly the one pulling the strings behind this chaos and scheming things in the absence of his father. I talked about it already here while reading the volume and the latest chapters just justified my doubts.

Chapter 8 was one of my favorites, Nianzhen’s story was very dark and sad, it lead us into thinking him and his tribe annihilated the whole windreaders tribe but it turned out to not be true after the CRAZY informations they gathered thanks to Kulumu in chapter 13 (which btw was also one of my fav chapters), everything and everyone seem to be somehow connected.

Jinshi being used by the shameless Gyoku-ou, and Gyokuyou being toyed with… I’ll start reading part1 of vol11 but like Gyokuyou said in the epilogue her fight is just getting started so we’re in for s long ride !

[4dkellysworld]

Self-realization vs derealization

I saw an ask @adadisciple about derealization and thought I'd add my 2 cents here as I have experienced derealization in the past and might be able to offer a bit more insight. I didn't want to reblog that ask for personal reasons and also the response is really long. Disclaimer: I am not a therapist either, my thoughts are based on personal experience alone so take whatever feels right and leave the rest. Also I can't speak from the perspective of full realization as I am not there yet but hopefully this helps in some way.

When I first found non-dualism, I also had similar concerns as someone who had experienced derealization, I thought: was this another thing that was going to induce it?

Let's start with the definition (thank you Google) for those reading who may be unclear:

Depersonalization/derealization disorder involves a persistent or recurring feeling of being detached from one's body or mental processes, like an outside observer of one's life (depersonalization), and/or a feeling of being detached from one's surroundings (derealization).

From personal (human/ego) experience, this condition is purely of the mind and body with blocked awareness (? not sure if this is correct terminology, I am not talking about pure awareness in this case but more mindfulness*) and is often just a symptom of another mental or physical condition/illness such as depression/anxiety etc. The mind and/or body are just completely detached however, there is clouded awareness (due to the mind/body) and you just feel like you are existing and floating around. You very much still feel a part of the world and identify as such (although feeling detached & disengaged) even if you have lost faith in everything you feel as real. It's sort of hard to put into words but if you have experienced derealization too, then hopefully you can relate and understand what I am getting at. When I experienced it, I didn't know of any truth. I just lost faith in the world and didn't know what was real anymore. So, I was completely checked out.

*Mindfulness is paying full attention to what is going on in you and outside you, moment by moment, without judgment. (thanks Google)

Ada made a really good distinction here (I suggest reading the full ask)**:

The point of this all was to let go of concepts, let go of believing in things, investigating their validity, experimenting. Disbelieving you are Vanessa and denial are not the same thing. Denial is when you deny reality to something you're already giving reality to. Disbelieving was meant as an experiment, you never thought yourselves to be anything but this body, what will happen if you did?

**Actually, re-reading that ask made me realize maybe a reblog of an exercise I recommended is not the best since it instructs denial of what ego believes to be real instead of disbelief and experimentation (eep, Vanessa is still learning and evolving!). See my edit on this post :)

Here is another relevant and helpful ask by 4dbarbie:

I don't teach to do anything to the 3D, not even deny it. Not seeing the world as it is, is an aversion to it. - Lester Levenson Your 3D is right and perfect, what you see is what you are so even if you're seeing what 'you' don't want, the 3D is not wrong in being what it is. Fearing it, trying to manipulate it, lying to yourself about it being something different - all useless and vain attempts. See it as it is and it will fix itself. And no, being delusional is not good, it leads you not to trust your own judgment OR senses. Which is not right, why shouldn't you? What is wrong with your vision? Being delusional from your ego self is really harmful, someone could be abusing you and you would go "i'm sure that's not right he loves me so much in my 4D!!!"

So lets clarify the distinction:

Derealization = denial of everything while still identifying as the ego (and the world as reality) although not wanting to => ego experiences confusion/chaos/mental condition/disorders

Self-realization = disbelief of current reality concepts => letting go of such concepts and quieting the mind => experiencing the true Self (the creator of the mind) => permanent identification with Self, not imaginary concepts (including the ego) => Knowing Reality, and therefore realizing full peace and freedom

Now let's move onto practicing non-dualism. The basis of the practice is let go of thoughts, quiet the mind and focus on being awareness/I AM. It is all about letting go, not denial.

From a non-dualist perspective, derealization is just another mental concept/creation. When the mind is completely silent (and sustained) and pure awareness is realized and embodied, when Self is your permanent identification, when you (Self) know you are not your body not Vanessa feeling dissassociated from mind & body or just intellectually knowing it from learning concepts (important distinction!), it is not derealization, in fact it is the only reality, the only truth.

I have experienced short moments of experiencing myself as the pure witness where the mind was completely quiet and those short moments felt so peaceful, whole and true. There were no feelings of derealization in that moment because there was no active mind then. Right now, I do think my ego feels a bit derealized at times but this is because I have not fully identified with Self yet and it is also because my sense and understanding of reality is in the process of being recalibrated on this journey. When this happens, I sit in silence and go back to the one truth 'I Am' and feel myself into it and everything else melts away. The more you do this, the more you will feel the truth and peace until it becomes permanent (when you realize Self).

But no one can give you the whole truth but yourself.

Lester: Yes. However, knowing what you're telling me helps one let go of that obstacle of intellectual knowledge. I prod you in this direction, don't I? I say: “Don't believe anything. Start from scratch. Build up your knowledge on the solid foundation of proof, step by step.” Everyone must do this. Q: You can't take someone else's experience? Lester: Right, you would be working on hearsay, on what they have said, and the only useful thing is that which you experience. I relate it to driving a car. If I say I know how to drive a car after reading a book that directs you to turn the key on, start the motor, shift into drive and step on the gas, do I know how to drive a car? No, not until I experience it can I drive a car. It's the same thing on the path; we must experience everything. We must, of course, adopt the attitude that what the Great Ones say is so, that they have experienced it. However, you must check it out and prove it for yourself. And the basic Truth is that there’s only one Reality; there's only one absolute Truth, and that is that this whole world or universe is nothing but God, but better than that, is nothing but my very own Self. God could be far away; He could be miles and miles away in cosmic space, but my very own Self is right here, is something I know about, is something I can perceive, it is my very own Self! So, using Self as God is far more practical than putting Him out there, putting Him apart from us. But each one must start from the bottom and prove this whole thing for himself. As the proofs come, the more they come the more we accept until we experience the whole thing. - Lester Levenson, Session 11: Meditation with Quest - Keys to Ultimate Freedom

"And the basic Truth is that there’s only one Reality; there's only one absolute Truth" I literally didn't even read this excerpt before sharing it (searched the book for the keyword 'proof' because I was looking for another excerpt) but came to the same conclusion after practicing and experiencing it for myself. And that is what you must do if you want the truth too. Experience and then decide for yourself.

This perceived and experienced knowledge is the only knowledge that does us any good. We can read everything on the subject, but it doesn’t help. Our life doesn’t change much, and it doesn’t because we don’t integrate the knowledge into our beingness through realization. Realized knowledge is nonintellectual, although the means we use are intellectual. We use our mind, we direct our mind toward the answer, but you will discover that the answer does not come from the mind. It comes from a place just behind the mind. It comes from the realm of knowingness, the realm of omniscience. By quieting the mind through stilling our thoughts, each and every one of us has access to this realm of knowingness. Then and there you realize, you make real. You know and you know that you know. - Lester Levenson, Session 6: Realization - Keys to Ultimate Freedom

If you want to understand more about the process of realizing Self, I recommend reading my 4dbarbie remix post. If you have already read it, reread it, maybe even read some of the referenced posts/asks and see if you get any new understanding. Or better yet, just sit in silence and stillness, quiet the mind and focus on 'I Am'.

I must emphasise that in non-duality, letting go of the ego is the basic foundation of practice as it is very much a journey of self-transformation (this is just another concept to help the ego understand, but you are always, have always been and always will be Self, you just do not see it as you are currently identified as the ego).

If you (the ego) are not willing to do that, then come back when you are ready. It is not up to anyone to convince you to adopt this practice and way of life.

[ponett]

Hello, wanted to say thank you, I'm really glad I found your work and I find your insights very helpful.

I wanted to ask something strange, as someone who has gone out of their way to dedicate a very detailed blog to the works of an outspoken artist, can you give me advice how to maintain healthy distance with ideas and individuals I might outright oppose, but have morbid sense of curiosity about them? Or it it just better to not indulge at all?

It's a difficult balance to achieve, and I won't pretend I've always been perfect about it on TKP

The thing is that you have to not obsess over the person too much. You have to focus on their work, not detailing every single thing they've ever done or said to keep receipts on them. You do not, under any circumstances, want to turn into the freaks who make and watch hundred hour long "documentaries" on CWC and Sonichu, or the people who run the Bad Webcomics Wiki

The point is to do media criticism, not to make a callout blog. Details the artist has shared about their life may sometimes help inform your reading of the work - art isn't made in a vacuum, and artists' life experiences and worldviews often shape their art. But you don't need to pry too much and piece together their full life story and psychoanalyze them if that information isn't already available in an autobiography or whatever

On TKP, one of the most important things I do to try and keep that distance is simple: I don't follow Penders on Twitter. I don't need to know every single thing he says, nor do I need to report on it. I'll check in when I hear he's made some kind of announcement regarding his work, and when looking for behind the scenes info I'll sometimes term search on his Twitter because he's far more vocal about what happened behind the scenes than the rest of that creative team, but that's it. I'm not thinking about him every day. I also haven't gone in-depth on his non-Sonic work to help drive home the idea that TKP is a blog about the American Sonic comics with a quippy url, not a blog about shitting on Penders

(On that note: I don't interact with him directly, either. I do not need to dunk on him in his Twitter replies. I do not need to lure him into an interview where I totally own him. I am not sending him my criticism like he owes it to me to read it and improve his work. I leave the guy alone)

As the blog has gone on I've also tried much harder to be objective about him and his work. I'll admit that early on, before the blog blew up, I was eager to see what all the drama was about and why everybody hated the guy. But my goal isn't just to find excuses to hate on him, or to spread baseless gossip, and that shouldn't be the mindset you go in with. I've offered praise for some of his work where I thought it was deserved, and I frequently correct people on misunderstandings about him and the lawsuits, even defending him on certain points

This is an extremely basic and hopefully obvious element of good media criticism, but it should also be said that just because an artist depicts something doesn't necessarily mean they endorse it, and that your goal isn't to piece together the artist's beliefs based on their work and then call them out over it. It can go the other way around - you can analyze how an artist's stated beliefs and values are reflected in their work - but, like, Penders writing a story where Knuckles decides to forgive his shitty fascist uncle for no reason does not mean that Penders is a Nazi apologist. It's just a story.

Again: your main goal should be to criticize the work, not the artist

And, of course, a huge factor is simply how famous the creator in question is (and also if the creator is still alive). You wanna do a deep dive on the works of Steve Ditko and criticize his Randian objectivism? Go nuts, buddy! You wanna shit all over Lovecraft? Have at it! Wanna tear apart the neoliberal politics of Harry Potter? Well, okay, Shrieking Shack already did that one. But if the person you're thinking of doing a sprawling, in-depth teardown on is, like, a smalltime webcomic author? Some hobbyist indie dev? A fanfic writer? That sort of thing? Hell, even someone in the middle like a cartoon storyboarder, or a freelance writer who does articles for Kotaku sometimes? Maybe reconsider. Just because someone's online doesn't mean they're a Public Figure, and there's a line where a deep critical dive on someone's work quickly turns into painting a target on their back

(This ended up being more about Criticism than how to just engage with stuff you hate, but also you can just, like. Look away. And find something else spend your time thinking about.)

[celesrangebsd]

Hi :3 You already know why I’m here :>

And yes technically you’ve already done this but-

Q analysis and I will give you my soul :>

Q Character Anaylsis

My old analysis of Q was kind of bad so here is a new and improved one! No spoilers hopefully :3

Q is a very complicated character in my opinion, simply because we don’t know much about them despite multiple approaches and Dazai fearing them, they have this air of mystery to them that is very interesting in my opinion so- let’s take in the literature base first, Dogura Magura by Yumeno Kyūsaku.

In Dogura Magura the narrator wakes up in a hospital, finding out that he was originally an experiment and killed his mother and wife and he inherited his psychotic tendencies. The novel is inspired by Freudian Psychoanalysis- an idea that people could be cured by making their unconscious a conscious thought and motivations, and by that gaining "insight".

So, relating this to Q, their ability is a mind control that forces illusions on people who intentionally or unintentionally harmed them, we can relate this to Freudian Psychoanalysis since Q makes an unconcious thought (I assume fear?) conscious as an illusion that drives people to attack others because of it. Q thinks of their ability as a curse because they know how dangerous it is, and we also know that abilites can influence the user as well so perhaps Q's psychotic nature is due to their ability and how they grew up.

Q has some major issues on how they see society as well, their hatred of their ability was obviously a result of how people treated them and perhaps they feel that society deserves to be forced to see their fears (we know that Q has "fun" when using their ability on others after all). Their personality seems to flip flop between being an innocent child and being sadistic, they are good at following directions and ignoring their wants.

When Q was captured by the guild, we saw that they were easily influenced, they took answers that were given to them and believed it easily, even when it was something that mentally harmed them or made them hate themselves even more. Q's appearance could also relate to their personality since it seems split, half black and half white hair, different shaped pupils, etc.

Though we know that character designs in BSD are based off of the popular works of the authors so I might just be reaching for straws

[steddieas-shegoes]

Hi friend! 👋 I’d like to submit a request, if I may. It’s not an original prompt, I don’t know where I first saw it, but I haven’t seen an actual fic with this premise yet.

Will comes out to Nancy who goes “I know nothing about this BUT I know someone who does” and brings him to Eddie, who brings both of them (bc let’s be honest Nancy isn’t letting Will out of her sight alone with Eddie) to a gay bar in Indy. Lo and behold who do they see but Steve and Robin. And it’s obvious to those who know what to look for (Eddie) that they’re both looking to get lucky. Steddie endgame (obvs lol) but maybe some Byler as well if you want/can swing it..?

I love everything I’ve read from you so far and I’m sure I’ll love everything you come up with! ❤️ thank you!!!

My star ✨✨✨ This is a future fic, but not future enough for Will to be 21 (I'm gonna put him at 19, almost 20 here so still like a tiny baby but also an adult). The first part of this is definitely Will focused, but there is more focus on Steddie at the bar itself. - Mickala ❤️

-------------------------------------------

“Nancy? Um, can I talk to you?”

Will had been working himself up to this for weeks, months really. He came out to Jonathan and his mom officially last weekend, though they both already knew.

He wasn’t exactly good at hiding it, and around them, he didn’t really try.

But Nancy Wheeler was smart, and she was quick to come to conclusions, and probably already had figured it out.

Plus, she was decent at giving advice, and could possibly give him some insight into how Mike felt if he felt anything at all.

That was why he was here, coming out to her, being brave.

“Of course,” Nancy replied, smiling comfortingly.

She knew. He knew she knew. But he had to say it out loud, he had to get it out there to other people.

“I just have to tell you something that’s like, a big deal, and hopefully it doesn’t bother you, but also I don’t want it to be a big deal. It doesn’t have to be, actually. I just-”

“Will,” Nancy placed her hand on his shoulder, looked up at him with a knowing smirk. “Just say it.”

“I’m gay.”

There. He said it. It’s done.

Nancy nodded once, like she was confirming that she heard him, but she already knew, which was what he expected.

“Anything else?”

“Um. I’m in love with Mike?”

“Yeah, that’s pretty obvious. Anything else?”

“What do you mean it’s pretty obvious? I thought I hid it okay!”

Nancy laughed. She actually laughed.

“The only person who doesn’t notice that you’re in love with Mike, is Mike, and that’s had a few close calls. And before you ask, I have no idea how he feels. I know he’s in denial about his sexuality, so once he clears that up, who knows. But for now, let’s focus on you. What do you need from me?”

Nancy had a “let’s get down to business” attitude that Will respected, that everyone respected, but she sometimes forgot that not everything was business.

“Well, I guess just…support?”

Nancy raised her brows.

“That’s it? You already had that.”

“I guess maybe…advice?”

“I mean, I really don’t have any for Mike. He’s an enigma even to me,” she started.

“No. I mean, it would be helpful to have it, yes, but just. In general?” Will interrupted, a blush covering his cheeks.

“Oh! About…” she trailed off as she realized what he was asking.

“Okay, well I don’t know anything about that or really anything, but I know who does!” Nancy clapped her hands together.

—-------------

“Eddie?” Will asked as they stood on his porch, waiting for him to answer the door.

“Uh-huh.”

“Eddie’s gay?”

“Well, he’s bisexual, but he would be the one who knows the most,” she answered.

“Prettier Wheeler! What a surprise!” Eddie exclaimed when he opened the door. “And my favorite Byers! Were we supposed to be doing something tonight? Fuck, did I forget something? Wayne is convinced the bats ate the part of my brain that holds memory, even though they didn’t even bite my head.”

Eddie was a rambler, sort of like Robin, but he usually at least made some sense.

“No, no you didn’t forget anything. Will just needs some guidance on something,” Nancy said as she pushed her way into the trailer. “Is Wayne home?”

“Uh. Nope. Come on in, I guess,” he said, nodding at Will.

Once they were all settled on the couch and chair, Nancy gestured for Will to tell Eddie.

Will wasn’t prepared for it, but he knew he could trust him, especially if what Nancy said was true.

“I’m gay.”

It was getting easier to say out loud, just like it had been easier to say to himself when he first realized it and started letting himself think it every day.

“Amazing! Was that a secret?” Eddie asked, somewhat confused.

“Apparently not as much of one as I thought. But yeah, just my mom, Jonathan, Nancy, and you know. Officially, anyway.”

“So you have a boyfriend? Is that why you’re coming out?”

“No. I haven’t-”

“Oh, so Mike hasn’t gotten it together yet?” Eddie asked, playing with his rings distractedly.

“Nope. But it’s gonna take a big moment for that to happen. Will just needs some guidance on other stuff,” Nancy said.

“Oh! Like sex?”

Will was as red as he could possibly be.

“No! Not sex. Just, like, being gay I guess.”

Eddie looked between Will and Nancy a few times.

“Right. So let’s go,” he said as he stood up, making his way to his bedroom at the end of the hall.

Will and Nancy looked at each other, then back to where Eddie disappeared.

Before they could say anything, Eddie was back in the room, his new denim battle vest pulled on, and his boots laced up.

“Let’s go. Got places to be, queers to see!” Eddie yelled as he started moving out the front door.

“What the hell,” Nancy shrugged, getting up and following him out the door.

“What is happening,” Will said to himself as he followed them both.

—--------------

What was happening was that Eddie was taking him to a queer bar on the outskirts of downtown Indianapolis.

He’d heard of the place during his very little research of the local scene. He’d heard it was shut down twice in the 70s because of police raids, but now it was mostly just a quiet, safe place for queer people to be themselves.

The bar was laid back, only two bartenders even on the busiest nights, usually just pouring draft beers and the occasional martini. A jukebox in the corner never stopped playing, even when they only had a handful of customers.

A sign at the door said “THIRSTY THURSDAY: QUENCH YOUR THIRST AT THE BAR AND ON THE DANCE FLOOR!”

Will felt a little out of his element as he took in the amount of people crowding the bar, the tables, the small dancing area that really couldn’t even be considered a dancefloor.

Eddie seemed right at home, and he explained it was because he came pretty regularly, usually just to try to convince the owner to let his band play sometime, but he’d managed a few bathroom hookups along the way.

Will couldn’t hide his blush at that thought, knowing that he was in a place where that would not only be possible, but that it would be encouraged, maybe even expected had his mind fantasizing.

He welcomed it; Anything to get rid of the thoughts of Mike, who would probably never get his head out of his ass even if Will came out to him.

“Alright, one drink rule for the kiddo!” Eddie said as he walked to the bar with a hop to his step.

He was always exuberant, but he just seemed light here.

Will kept looking around, taking it all in.

Nancy suddenly grabbed his arm, and when he looked over, her eyes were huge.

He followed her line of sight, only getting distracted for a moment by a very attractive man who looked to be about his age.

His eyes settled on Steve and Robin.

In a queer bar.

In Indy.

“Is that-”

“It is.”

“But-”

“Uh-huh.”

Eddie came up behind them, drinks in hand.

“Alright, drink up! Take the edge off and then you can have some wonderful experiences- what are you two looking at?” Eddie looked over and his eyes widened. “Not possible.”

“It’s them.”

“But, they aren’t. Are they?”

Eddie squinted, looking at the way they were standing, what they were wearing, the way Steve was open to the room, not turned towards Robin.

“Oh my God,” he said.

“What?” Nancy’s head whipped towards him.

“How did I miss it? I spend so much time- but, no. He- and she- no.”

“Eddie, you aren’t making any sense! What?” Nancy whisper-yelled, as if anyone could hear them over the sound of everyone else talking and the music playing.

“They’re both queer! They’re here lookin’ for someone!”

“That’s impossible. Steve is the straightest person I know. I think even Mike knows he’s more likely to-” Nancy was cut off by Will hitting her arm. “What?”

“Robin just looked over here.”

“Shit.”

“Shit.”

They all looked at each other, panic in their eyes, as they realized it was only a matter of moments before they were completely caught here.

But, really, what was there to worry about? They were here, without knowing anyone they knew would be here, clearly looking for someone.

Will turned back to them, watching as Steve and Robin both looked at them with wide eyes.

“Might as well go talk to them,” he said before walking towards them, not waiting for Nancy or Eddie to agree.

“O…kay,” Eddie sighed before following.

Nancy followed silently, and Eddie didn’t really have time to figure out what her face was doing because Steve and Robin ended up meeting them halfway.

“Hi guys!” Robin waved, awkward as always, maybe more so because of where they were. “Kinda weird seeing you here, right? Like in Indy? Or in a bar? Since Will is underage! And also this is a pretty specific establishment, so-”

“What Robin means is,” Steve starts, lines in his forehead making him look more serious than he needs to be. “Why are you in a queer bar in Indianapolis?”

Robin smacked Steve’s arm, but he didn’t even flinch, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Like he was ready to protect Robin.

And himself.

“Well, this happens to be one of my favorite bars, and Will needed to be in this type of environment for the first time, ya know?” Eddie said in a way that would definitely give away more if Robin and Steve were actually here because they were queer.

“So you’re…” Steve relaxed slightly.

“I am. Are you?”

“Um. Yeah. Yep. I am.”

“Me too,” Robin added.

“Yeah, so am I,” Will said.

All of them looked to Nancy, who suddenly seemed to catch up to the conversation.

“Oh! Um, not me! I don’t think. I’m just here for support!” She had never looked or sounded as nervous as she was in this moment.

“So how’s the crowd today?” Eddie asked.

To be honest, Eddie hadn’t bothered trying to find a hookup here for months.

The reason?

The man standing in front of him: Steve Harrington.

He’d tried, really he had.

But every time he thought he would get beyond basic flirting with someone, he thought about the way Steve sometimes touched his arm or his shoulder for longer than he needed to when he passed by him, and the way Steve would rest his head on his shoulder during movie nights, or the way he sometimes looked at him like he wanted to devour him.

Like he was right now.

Eddie would be nervous about it, but he doesn’t think Steve actually means anything by it.

He just has a very intense stare sometimes.

“Eddie!”

“Sorry! What?” He turned to see Robin and Will giving him knowing looks. “What?”

“I’m gonna take Nancy and Will over to a table that just opened up. You coming?” Robin asked.

“Sure, in a minute. Gonna run to the bathroom first,” he said, ignoring the way Steve was still watching him.

He walked away before anyone else could say anything.

He just needed a minute or two to collect himself.

The realization that Robin and Steve were here for the same reasons he was was probably going to need more than a minute or two, but he could deal with it later.

The bathroom of this place wasn’t the best, probably hadn’t been properly cleaned since the place opened, but it also wasn’t the worst place to have a minor breakdown.

He didn’t cry, but it was damn close.

It was overwhelming to know that there were others in their little group like him, but it was also just a lot to take in that those other people included Steve.

He heard the bathroom door open behind him, but he didn’t look up, just assumed it was someone else from the bar.

He stood at the sink, looking down, gathering himself to go back out and pretend this was entirely normal when a hand gripped his waist.

His head shot up and he looked in the mirror to see Steve’s reflection looking back at him, a hesitant smile on his face.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

They stared at each other in the mirror, silent except for their breathing and the muffled sound of the music from outside the bathroom.

“I didn’t know you were…”

“Me either,” Eddie said quickly.

“You didn’t know you were queer?”

“No! No. Wait. I did know that. I knew it a long time ago. I mean I didn’t know you were,” Eddie clarified, unable to properly focus on anything except the way Steve’s hand felt on his side.

His thumb was rubbing circles against his shirt, the fabric bunching up little by little.

“It’s a new-ish discovery.”

“How new?”

Steve looked down at where his hand was resting on Eddie, then back up, his face red.

“March.”

“Oh?”

Eddie caught up quickly, realized what was happening, and definitely didn’t want it to stop even though he wasn’t sure how far he wanted it to go in the bar bathroom.

“Yeah. This annoying guy who was trying to steal Dustin from me decided to get involved in all our fucked up shit and Robin informed me that the way I was acting and talking about him wasn’t very heterosexual. Her words, not mine.” Steve smirked. “So, I kinda just admitted to myself I was into him and now I’m here.”

“Oh. Is the guy at this bar right now?”

“Yeah. He is.”

Eddie turned around and pushed Steve against the bathroom door as gently as he could.

“You’ve been driving me mad for years, Stevie. You know that?”

“Years?” Steve gulped, but kept smiling.

“Years. And now you’ve given me all that I need to do something about it.”

“Have I?”

Eddie answered him with a kiss.

It wasn’t spectacular, wasn’t even that good as far as kisses go.

Steve seemed caught off guard, like he hadn’t actually expected Eddie to take what was right in front of him, take control.

But then he caught up.

His hands gripped Eddie’s hips tight, the rest of his body relaxing against the wall as Eddie crowded against him further, their fronts touching from head to feet.

Their second kiss came right after a pause for breath, and that one was spectacular.

It was longer, wetter, hotter.

Eddie didn’t want it to end.

But someone banged on the door and they couldn’t be those people.

As they moved away to let the person in, Steve leaned his head against Eddie’s shoulder, like he did on movie night.

“So you’re into me too?” He asked.

Eddie could hear the smirk in his tone, didn’t even need to look down or at their reflection in the mirror to know he was being a little shit.

“No, I just kiss all the boys who come up behind me in bathrooms.”

Steve leaned his head back and nipped at Eddie’s neck, sending a shiver down his spine.

“Behave, big boy. Gotta go pretend we weren’t five seconds from fucking around in a public bathroom,” Eddie said as he guided Steve out of the bathroom.

When they got back into the main room, Steve tensed, started to pull away.

Eddie let him, tried not to let it bother him.

But then he was back, head back on his shoulder, arm around his waist.

“Sorry. Just. Not used to this being something I can do,” he said so only Eddie could hear.

“‘S okay. We’re safe here, though.”

No one commented on it when they got back to the table, though they both could tell everyone wanted to.

Will seemed ready to explode with excitement when someone came and asked him to dance and everyone at the table encouraged him to go.

He wasn’t much of a dancer, but he’d learn.

Nancy and Robin eventually went back to the bar to grab more drinks, and Eddie couldn’t help but watch the way Nancy was looking at one of the women who was standing alone by the jukebox.

“Hey, is it possible that Nancy’s…”

“Oh, yeah. Robin and I have had at least four conversations about how much the Wheelers desperately need to admit to themselves that sexuality is fluid.”

Eddie pulled away to look down at Steve, baffled at how educated he was on everything and kind of hating himself for being surprised.

“You’re somethin’ else, sweetheart.”

Steve kissed his cheek in response.

—-------------------

Nancy came out to them a month later, at the same bar, while staring at the same woman who was standing by the jukebox the month before.

She didn’t really use a label, but didn’t feel like she had to.

Mike took a bit longer, but eventually, Will lost his patience and kissed him.

He came out about ten seconds later.

[floralkittygambler]

How does it feel to be wrong on how huskerdust is “toxic” now that the show is out 😂😂😂

Hi Anon! Firstly, I’ve decided to move away from Viv and her toxic fandom so apologies if this response is late. I must say it is interesting that you’ve lurked so long to do this, and anonymously too.

Angel sexually harasses Husk. Husk sung a song that compares his situation (involving no SA from Alastor) to Angels and calls him a loser and whiny bitch. That’s pretty invalidating to one’s experiences as well as making it all about himself because he’s miserable and unable to deal with it healthily outside of alcohol.

Before you tell me that I’m “misunderstanding” the lyrics like a great deal of rabid fans, let’s just say personal experience gives me great insight to how nasty this comes across. Not to mention no actual build up for the relationship, the points I made about Pilot and IG, etc etc.

I don’t know if you’re one of HunterGirl’s little groupies, if you are, don’t you find it unprofessional that staff allow such toxicity within their fans? Rhetorical. Regardless, it is toxic. It’s poorly written. And that extends to the entirety of Hazbin, Helluva, and Spindle itself plus its community.

So briefly, I was never wrong about the toxicity. If you feel differently, that’s your opinion. But to lurk until this moment to strike, anonymously, is intriguing. Especially since this blog is hardly used.

Regardless, you’re fully entitled to your opinions and feelings, as am I. You’re free to enjoy the show, and hopefully you are enjoying the show. I hope it lives up to your expectations. I hope you have fun. And I do encourage healthier behaviours. We’re polarised. Why should you care about what I have to say - even with personal experiences - if you disagree and wish to indulge? Enjoy yourself and your life. Continue to hold your opinion. I won’t change your mind and you won’t change mine. Maybe this is to “rub it in” but I don’t take it as such. I do recommend a better focus. One that is healthier to you. I’ve drowned in enough of the vitriol Viv and her influence rot. It serves my health no good and she’ll reap as we all do. I suggest you do the same. If you enjoy it, and don’t find it toxic, then relish as long as you don’t behave like a prick. To me, it’s toxic, so I embrace healthier habits. I live my life.

I know this is a massive tangent, but what I’m trying to get across - outside of the question itself - is better influence. The least I can do is present to you good self care. If you enjoy it, enjoy it and stick with those who do. For myself and others who’ve been through trauma, that episode was extremely distasteful (though some felt seen and I will not take from that). So… I simply keep a healthy distance from her shit now. I’ve seen the fandom be the most vile, subtly enticed by the staff. The least I can do is encourage better habits to counter how despicable people have been encouraged to act.

TLDR; I disagree, agree to disagree, please don’t pick up toxicity from the fandom. None of this is sarcasm.

[jamesirius]

“Don’t worry, Harry,” she said, patting his arm as she walked by him. “You have many other talents that don’t include tea-making.” Ron was sliding bacon onto his own pan and must have missed the way Harry’s eyes followed her around the kitchen. Ginny hopped up onto the counter where they had been rolling out dough and making batter, swinging her legs. “Like what?” asked Harry. “Like needing constant validation,” said Ginny. Ron chuckled. Harry made a face at her.

Ginny is not totally looking forward to a Christmas spent at home with all her relatives asking her why she's the only unmarried Weasley child. Ron suggests she bring Harry as her fake boyfriend. There are a million ways this could go wrong.

Featuring happily married Ron and Hermione, lots of Weasley babies, the family curse to only have boys, Cedrella Black meddling in her granddaughter's love life, and endless amounts of sugar, mistletoe, and other Christmas shenanigans.

We are finally at the climax of this fic so I thought I should start doing notes again, in case anyone is reading these in addition to the actual fic. Chapter eight was one of my absolute favorites to write, not in the least because I finally got to write the Gryffindor kids, whom I love dearly. After all, there's nothing more fun than throwing a wrench into things by bringing in some outside characters, right?

Hopefully the cameos were enjoyable - I'm a big fan of all the Gryffindor kids in and around Harry's year, so some of them were just for fun, and some were to serve a bigger purpose. Seamus - I just love him. Katie and Oliver - there to offer a different, Quidditch-focused insight into Ginny's future, to contrast with the marriage-and-babies she gets on all sides back at the Burrow. Part of the fun of this chapter was taking Harry and Ginny out of that cozy bubble where they're surrounded by Weasleys who all love them together and stick them in a party where they have to socialize with people who know them really well and also aren't quite as invested in them being happily married forever, unlike the Weasley cousins and aunts and in-laws. Dean - obviously there for a reason, and mostly because I love playing off canon Harry's utterly stupid, spiteful jealousy of him (do you ever think about how canon Harry doesn't even consider that Ginny might actively choose Dean over him? He's just annoyed that Dean got there first) and also I love Dean. Lavender - there to offer Ginny an experience at female friendship that's completely separate from the family love she gets from her sisters-in-law, who are also all generally a bit less dramatic than Lavender and would not encourage Ginny in being mad at Harry. But someone has to, right? Lee - just there because I love him.

I feel a bit bad for not giving the Ravenclaw exes (Michael and Cho) a fair shake here - but let's remember that canonically, Michael ran off to snog Cho about two seconds after Ginny dumped him for being a sore loser. The comment she makes to Dean here is because the same thing happened here. So, you know, the rivalry both predates and goes beyond Harry's presence here, although he certainly doesn't help matters. To be fair to Cho, I think she - like in canon - is struggling with something and latching onto Harry in an effort to help (In my head this is a complicated on-off relationship with Cedric Diggory) but obviously there's not a lot of room to explore her emotional interiority in a Ginny POV.

Speaking of cameos, I really wanted to bring Violet Potter in - in my head, she and Ginny are actually closer friends than Harry perhaps realizes, both being little sisters to the dynamic duo of Harry and Ron, and paired together by virtue of being left out by the boys in childhood - but bringing her in undercut the tension in the climax here so I regrettably had to cut her scene. But she, unlike her brother, had a very nice and relaxing Christmas holiday with her very real boyfriend, so I think she wins.

As for our main hero himself... he's sending some mixed messages, isn't he? Possibly not his finest hour here, but he is pretty drunk. And also not great at controlling himself around Ginny when she's in a pretty dress. Sidenote because I'm bad at including overly detailed clothing descriptions but this is what I imagine Ginny's dress to look like so you can imagine that he went a little crazy seeing her kiss Dean in that. Also he's very lucky Dean is a gentleman and didn't actually touch her to brush glitter off her lol.

Lots of glitter and sparkle and tinsel for Ginny in this chapter; I really wanted it to feel bright and sexy at the party and then take her out of that sparkly environment and into the cold snow where she's forced to confront her staggeringly deep feelings for Harry. And out there, she's stuck watching teenage girls in their sparkly skirts while she gets to feel miserable about how much she likes him and how confused she is by everything he's done. Fun times all around. I enjoyed writing them at any rate, I hope you also enjoyed reading them. I am always open to chatting if you want to leave an ask here or a comment there!

[natlacentral]

Digital Cover: Dallas Liu

As a young actor in the entertainment industry, what inspired you to pursue acting, and how has your journey evolved since your debut?

My inspiration to pursue acting came from my time doing martial arts when I was a kid. Many of the martial artists I knew would pursue a career in stunts after their time in the competition world. A very small number of them would decide to pursue acting though. With my family’s support, I dove into acting without any hesitation because I felt I had nothing to lose as a kid. The biggest question I had for myself was, “Why not?” My journey has always been an uphill battle. After all, the entertainment industry will always be one of extreme difficulty. I will say that since my debut, the most important lesson I’ve learned is to not get upset and be too hard on myself over whatever I cannot control. As long as I’ve prepared myself in the best way possible and given my full effort in it all, I am able to somewhat relax a little bit. My journey has felt smoother since I’ve adopted that mindset.

You've taken on a variety of roles throughout your career. Is there a particular character or project that challenged you the most, and how did it impact your growth as an actor?

I would have to say Prince Zuko has definitely challenged me the most, because it was certainly the furthest I’ve been pushed to in terms of my emotional range on camera. The amount of time spent working on this project was also the longest in my career. I came out of the project an entirely different person. This role has made me a significantly better actor in so many different ways.

Could you provide some insights into the storyline of Netflix series Avatar: The Last Airbender without revealing any spoilers, and what makes this series unique?

As far as plot goes, we are certainly remaining faithful to the original storyline of the animated series, however, we do have some differences in our show that will hopefully give us a separate identity, especially for the people watching who are fans of the animated series. I think what makes this story unique is our storytelling. I feel that viewers will really fall in love with the characters, the plots, and the entire world of Avatar: The Last Airbender because of our wonderful writers.

Could you share any behind-the-scenes anecdotes or memorable experiences from Netflix series Avatar: The Last Airbender or previous project that fans might find intriguing?

On set, Paul Sun-Hyung Lee (who plays Uncle Iroh) looked after me the way Uncle Iroh looked after Zuko. He was always there for me no matter what.

In Netflix Avatar: The Last Airbender; what are the differences and/or similarities between you and your character Zuko? Please elaborate.

When it comes to something that Zuko and I are chasing in life, I think we are quite similar. We share the same amount of fiery passion, and in a way, we become quite obsessive of whatever it may be that we are trying to achieve. Zuko will do whatever it takes to get what he wants just like how I dedicate all my time and energy to a project that I’m working on. The most obvious difference between the two of us is that I am clearly the better firebender.

How do you approach character preparation and development, especially when taking on roles that may be vastly different from your own personality?

I dedicate all my time and energy to every role regardless of how different they might be from my own personality because I want to give 100% in all the roles that I take on.

Are there any specific genres or types of roles you aspire to explore in the future that you haven't had the chance to take on yet?

I’m open to anything and everything. Because I’m still at a very early point in my career and life, I want to do it all!

How do you balance the demands of your career with personal life and self-care, especially considering the fast-paced nature of the entertainment industry?

The time spent with my family and friends balances it all out for me. Whether it’s going out to dinner with them, watching movies, or simply hanging out at home, I am always happiest with them.

You are also known to be trained in martial arts. What sparked your interest in martial arts, and how does it complement your career in acting?

I had always enjoyed watching action TV shows and films when I was younger, so my parents had decided to put me in it knowing that it would make me happy. Throughout my career I’ve noticed a few similarities between acting and martial arts. In martial arts, you start off with choosing a specific style that you want to study and apply the techniques that you learn from it. However, the use of those techniques will vary depending on how that person incorporates themselves into it, and how they adapt to each situation, really making it individualized. Similarly, in acting, you will learn various methods and techniques and apply them to the scenes you are given. And within each character, there will always lie part of your true self. When acting out those scenes, actors infuse them with their personal life experiences as well. Just how an experienced martial artist will react differently in each situation.

What advice would you give to aspiring actors looking to establish themselves in the industry based on your own experiences and lessons learned?

Remain strong! Don’t worry about what others are doing or working on. At the end of the day, there is only so much you can control. Therefore, always give it your best effort no matter the character, scene, or project.

How does culture representation and involvement in community inspire you personally and professionally?

Through hope and love. Whether it is in my personal life or my career, I’m constantly motivated to improve myself as a human being.

Who is your inspiration and why?

My parents. They’ve sacrificed everything for me and given me more than I could ever imagine. I have a hard time understanding how they did it, but all I could come up with was love. The way my parents love my brother and I is unconditional and incomprehensible. I aspire to be like them every day.

Name 3 actors that you would like to work with and why?

The actor that I want to work with the most is William Dafoe. I could give a number of reasons explaining why I love him so much, but more than anything I would just like to learn from him and work alongside him. His wide range of work and different characters is what inspires me the most. Whenever I watch him on screen, it never feels like I’m watching William Dafoe play a character, rather it feels like he really is that character. He fully immerses himself into every moment. I find it to be extremely impressive and entertaining.

Can you share any insights or hints about your upcoming projects or roles in 2024 (besides Avatar: The Last Airbender) that your fans can look forward to?

I enjoy acting and I’m open to anything when it comes to roles and projects, so, all I can say is, 2024 is going to be an awesome year! GR8T