#actually it’s a great diet plan

[rynbeerose]

I’m starving myself for the next two weeks because I had to have this skin😭

PRICE “HOMECOMING” SKIN

[steampoweredskeleton]

I feel like I'm at a point in mental health where CBT is no longer very helpful. Like I know what most of my problems are. I do things to challenge myself and challenge my way of thinking whenever I can. I actively make decisions and change my behaviour to ensure things don't get worse BC I know my symptoms and what can make them worse.

So now talking to this therapist doesn't help BC they just tell me what I already know. And give me tasks that I already know I need to do.

We had an interesting one today where she was like "you need to be able to identify your emotions" and I was like "yes, I know, I try to break them down based on physical response BC I can't really read my emotions" to which she said "you need to be able to identify them, and not concentrate on the physical response". We went in this cycle for a few minutes, after which she said "can you read other people's emotions?". I, stupidly thinking that maybe she was getting it that I am autistic (I know it's on my chart) and can't do that, told her no.

My homework for this week is to make note of how I emotionally feel, not physically, and try to pay attention to the emotions of those around me.

So that's great. At this point I just need someone to help me plan my week so I can function better and THAT shit isn't available on the NHS!

[potatocatullus]

istg this teacher...

[explode-this]

Time for everyone’s favorite game show, Are The ADHD Drugs Still Working Or Am I Just Especially Depressed?, which may or may not feature the concluding sudden death showdown, Will Your Doctor Listen This Time Or Just Suggest Taking Vitamin D?

[hopeastrz]

𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐘 𝐎𝐁𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐈𝐗🧺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

𝟓𝟎% 𝐎𝐅𝐅 𝐒𝐀𝐋𝐄 ON ALL OF MY CHART READINGS!.

check previous observations (𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄)

𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐑: 𝐄𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐢𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫/𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬…

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄: i chose to analyze my previous SR charts so these observations are based on my own experience!, also 𝐁𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐋𝐄 𝐔𝐏 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐀 𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐀𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃!.

𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐈: 𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋 𝐎𝐁𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒🦚✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

𝐓𝐚𝘂𝗿𝘂𝘀 𝐦𝐚𝗿𝘀 really hate getting hungry they turn to a very angry hulk when they want food but there isn’t any around them yet!— full taurus, happy taurus.

I think 𝐞𝐦𝐩𝘁𝘆 𝐡𝐨𝘂𝘀𝐞𝘀 are overrated and here’s a hot-take, we have 12th houses and 10 planets, even if it’s possible to have a planet in each house there’ll be 2 houses empty, surprise there will always be an empty house in your chart, and that doesn’t have to mean necessarily a bad thing!.

Having 0 planets on the 𝟔𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝘂𝘀𝐞 for example may mean that you just don’t focus about that house matters daily, yes you take care of your health but your life doesn’t revolve around it!, you go to the gym every now and then, eat decent meals, and that it!, unlike 𝟔𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝘂𝘀𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬 people you’re not a gym rat, and you may not stick to a diet routine throughout your life, it’s that simple, also please correct me if i’m wrong!.

I noticed that when 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝘂𝘀 𝐚𝘀𝐩𝐞𝐜𝘁𝘀 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧(especially neutral and harmonious aspects) it blesses these natives with a great talent and love for cooking and they also don’t cook for anyone just people whom they cherish.

On the other hand 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝘀𝐩𝐞𝐜𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝐨 𝐍𝐞𝐩𝘁𝘂𝐧𝐞 people may consider cooking as an escapism for them, whenever they feel drained or stressed they may bake a cake or a warm meal to make themselves feel better, and they also may be the type to cook with wines and vodka!.

𝐀𝐪𝘂𝐚𝗿𝐢𝘂𝘀 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝘁𝘀 have an extremely chaotic life and I’m not even joking, they go through the weirdest situations ever.. like please explain to me what could possibly lead you to get lost at an empty arcade in the middle of the night and instead of seeking help you decide to take some pictures for your snap streaks??? (Yes, that’s actually what a friend of mine did and she’s an aqua dominant💁🏻‍♀️)

Also speaking on 𝐀𝐪𝘂𝐚𝗿𝐢𝐚𝐧𝘀, why do you like surprising people so much?, and i mean it literally with all this pranks and shit, i blame uranus influence tbh.

It is said that people with 𝟏𝟎𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝘂𝘀𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝘁𝘀 are workaholics, but they aren’t the only ones, i believe that 𝟔𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝘂𝘀𝐞𝗿𝘀 are way more work dedicated— and addicted than anyone else, because if there’s a thing they do best is following a routine, that’s why they excel anywhere, you just put a plan for them and they’ll follow!.

Also why do 𝟔𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝘂𝘀𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝗿𝐨𝐧 believe that their work defines their worth, and the more they get exhausted by work it means it pays off better.. HELLO?? IT DOESN’T WORK THIS WAY IN THIS ECONOMY??? HOSPITAL BILLS ARE DISASTROUS PLEASE TAKE A FREAKING BREAK WHEN NEEDED!

I’m not joking my cousin is about to turn into a giant raccoon with all these dark circles she barley sleeps, barley eats and you can never catch her having a break this woman is about to go crazy💀.

𝐋𝐢𝐛𝗿𝐚 𝘃𝐞𝐧𝘂𝘀 have the best eye for aesthetic, and i know i said it before but really, they have a very strange ability to make things that don’t match actually very presentable beautifully!.

When 𝐉𝘂𝐩𝐢𝘁𝐞𝗿 𝐚𝘀𝐩𝐞𝐜𝘁𝘀 𝐒𝐚𝘁𝘂𝗿𝐧 that makes you choose long term partners very carefully, those people know themselves and their needs well enough to decide what’s good and bad for them, they don’t rush it, that’s why they always get the best outcome, and you can see this manifest in both of Rihanna and Beyoncé birth charts!.

Also 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐲 𝟏𝟏°,𝟐𝟑° people are very, very, veryyyyy creative it’s mind blowing they really think outside the box.

𝐀𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐬 do actually suffer from hyper independence and you can’t tell me otherwise, i was in a group project with one of my friends (me being a libra sun and them being an Aries sun) i thought that we should have at least one man with us to handle all the tough work and pay for some things yadada, however they on the other hand really wanted to do all this shit by themselves (mind you both of us are the first daughters of our families) and we were supposed to go to god knows where shitty places to get the project done, we really almost killed each other then trying to prove our points.. oh yeah and they ended up winning.

𝐂𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 have a very, very soft skin and it’s not even a joke anymore im so jealous!, also the chest area is really really prominent no jokes.

𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐈𝐈: 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐓 𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐑 𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐁𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 🪴⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

When i had 𝟗𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐧, my grandparents who haven’t visited us for more than 4+ years came back from london (which was considered a miracle since it just wasn’t supposed to happen), and then we both traveled then together on a short trip, and i also noticed that whenever i had 𝟗𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟗𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 i traveled to a place that was full of water, going to a beach, the ocean etc.. and it may also indicate going back to our roots.

My favorite years are the ones with 𝟓𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬, the amount of joy, new experiences and the excitement that surrounds you throughout the year can’t be described by words only, and it doesn’t really revolve around romantic relationships only, i don’t date and whenever i had my 𝐒𝐮𝐧/𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧/𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬/𝐉𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟓𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 it felt like i was healing my inner child, i found myself indulging more in art, these were the years where i got introduced to my most creative and artistic self!.

𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟔𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 is no joke, I felt the need to become my best self 24/7, also my peers in uni got on my nerves more than ever.

When astroblr community said that having 𝐉𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧 𝐀𝐂 grants you luck throughout the year i thought they were joking but no, it’s 100% legit, everything worked in my favor fr, dude even my periods came on the best date’s it’s crazy, oh and i also got social media semi famous, i had 2 reels on instagram pass 2m views (bonus; that year i had 𝟓𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐨𝐨, which means short term or quick fame!)

When i had a 𝟒𝐓𝐇 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐉𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫, i felt more connected with my mom, and she also felt the same way— we both talked more with each other! Also I bought lots of posters for my room, and a new vanity!, oh yeah and since it was in leo i noticed that took a good care of my hair, it’s crazy how astrology can be literal sometimes.

[ms-demeanor]

so if your body doesn’t actually crave what it needs, does that mean intuitive eating is also mostly bullshit?

I mean that depends a lot on the intuitive eating and how it's practiced. "eat what you want when you are hungry, don't eat if you're not hungry, take your time while eating and pay attention to how you feel during a meal" is, generally speaking, good advice. That is what I would consider intuitive eating, but the foods that go into that eating plan may or may not be intuitive.

GENERALLY I think that people are pretty poorly educated about food and nutrition and "intuitive eating" is going to be limited by what a person has been exposed to in the environment they're in. If you grew up in a household where you primarily ate packaged, processed foods and rarely ate fruits and vegetables, I think intuitive eating is going to fail you in some significant ways without further education about food. However if you grew up in a household that strictly ate homemade all organic food with homegrown vegetables and "no added chemical" I *also* think you're going to be pretty significantly failed by intuitive eating without further education.

Intuitive eating, as I understand it, is more of a style of consuming, timing, and planning meals than it is about the kinds of foods that you eat.

I'm not someone who is food negative for pretty much any kind of food, but our brains aren't great at sussing out what our bodies actually need in terms of food. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't eat that food you're craving (eat that food you're craving! unless you are allergic to it or it has gone bad or is in some way unsafe, all food is good food in my opinion!), but it does mean that we do need to make an effort to periodically check in and make sure we're eating enough vegetables and fiber and are getting enough variety in our diets to provide the essential vitamins and minerals that we need to survive. And that's not something that we can intuit, but I also don't think that that's the point of intuitive eating.

[contentloadingandstuff]

Gym Headcanons - Lisa & Ningguang x Male!Reader

A/N: I hope you'll like this one! All the others WIPs are staring daggers at me though... CW: Nothing notable.

Going to a gym? Lisa will pass, thank you. 

All the sweat and all the effort could, if she had to exert herself at all, go towards other things than gaining muscles. What would she use them for anyway? Her strength doesn't come from raw, brutish power, but rather from her brilliance and knowledge. 

For Lisa, getting some gains would be a bad thing as far as her appearance is concerned. She feels great as she is - of healthy weight with some delectable fluff on her belly, thighs and butt. A girl's got to have some meat on her bones, doesn't she? It's perfect for touching and resting your weary head on those plushy thighs. She won't ruin that especially since you're far from complaining about her assets. 

Even if she won't train, Lisa will care for her diet, and will keep an eye on yours too if you ask her to. She'll buy more of her natural yogurts, fruits, granola and other healthy foodstuffs. You'll be in good hands - Lisa will buy you shakes and foods with lots of protein to help build that dazzling body of yours. 

If at any point you find yourself tempted to cheat, she’ll gently remind you of your goal and help you resist. 

She's a vegetarian herself, but will not, to any extent of the word, force her views upon you. She just dislikes the taste of meat, especially when it's fried. The heartburn she feels after is straight up awful. Still, she won't object to making you hearty meals with all the love she has. After all, she has all the time in the world. 

Although she wouldn't ever come to the gym herself, it's different with you there. Lisa will gladly tag along to keep you company whenever she can. She won't hesitate to do her research, helping you in maintaining the proper position and form as you train. Need a break? She'll pass you the water and take away the weights (according to her ability). Feeling tired or bored? Lisa will be there, keeping a conversation or reading out loud to you - this way you train both your mind and your body. She'll get you whatever help she can offer. 

Is she accompanying you to gawk at your bare chest, your tensing, sweaty muscles, hear your masculine groans of exertion as you lift inhuman weights and give it your all? See you doing what men do, pushing yourself to the limit to become bigger, better, faster and stronger? Perhaps. Is that an invalid reason? Not at all. 

After a certain amount of these trips, the mage will start eyeing the exercise mats with increasing curiosity. Of course she wouldn't do any actually tiring exercises, but it wouldn't hurt to stretch a little, would it? Being flexible has a few uses Lisa can't think of, most of which involve you~

The first few times would render her limbs and joints crying in pain as years of “rust” come off. It would surely leave her grumpy the next day, but it's alright - you'll do your duty and massage her pains away, won’t you? 

When going at them, Lisa likes to do stretches that let her poor back get some lovely relief. Every time she begins the cobra stretches of the day, she can't help but sigh in satisfaction. The first one's the best, no doubt about that. On the other hand, those exercises that require her to lean down are the cause of her pains rather than the relief. Toe touches aren't easy, and things like forward folds are the stuff of nightmares, the mere thought of which is enough to make her spine ache.

Ningguang isn't one to work out either. She’s on a strict diet, planned out for her by the best dietitian and cooked by the best chef Mora can buy. Each of her meals has its calories counted to the letter, and - should the situation demand it - Ningguang is capable of counting them herself. Even when there's no label, she's able to judge it with impressive accuracy. 

It's thanks to this attentive lifestyle that she can flaunt her wasp waist. Even if a person's worth is more in merit than appearance, impeccable beauty can go a long way too. Oftentimes just her looks alone can charm an interlocutor, leading to favorable outcomes. 

Eating this little has a downside, coming in the form of low energy levels. She can push pencils all day long, but even short jogs can find her out of breath after a while. Ningguang gets tired and sore fairly easily, making it no surprise that she avoids straining herself. 

She avoids training, but that doesn't mean she simply sits around looking pretty. Each of her mansions is equipped with a rich and well stocked gym for use at yours and hers leisure. Before you came they were mostly gathering dust, but your interest in training reminded her of that purchase. It was nice to see they finally had a use. 

Sometimes, on a slow day, Ningguang will bring out her sport gear and join you in the training room. Most of her time she'll do stretches or use the treadmill, since these don't increase muscle mass that much - the high class canon of beauty doesn't include muscle girls, nor does she see the appeal if truth is told. She's the Tianquan, not some… sea captain. 

Besides, that would be threading on your territory. Why be muscular if you're the muscle man here? If you're strong, then she'll be swift and agile. Perfectly complementary, wouldn't you say? 

When it comes to date ideas, a gym date is a unique one to be sure, but she doesn't mind. It gives both of you a chance to show off your hard earned physiques and spend some quality time together. Ningguang enjoys you spotting for her, even if she won't do the exercises by herself. The attention is always appreciated. 

She wouldn't admit that to anyone, but she enjoys goofing around with you. Using her as a dumbbell or doing push-ups with her casually sitting on your back is both amusing and quite flustering - getting a first hand experience of your strength never fails to get her a little red. But don't tell anyone, or else…!

Sometimes when she needs to think, Ningguang visits you and simply enjoys your presence in silence. There's something hypnotic about you going about your business and the repetitive motions of the equipment. Many times she watched you in silence, only to mutter a silent ‘got it’ before getting up and thanking you with a kiss. Each time after she left the room you were left fairly confused. Confused, but happy to be of help nonetheless.

Thanks for reading!

[tongue-like-a-razor]

hangman request incoming ‼️‼️

so the reader is best friends w rooster and whenever she’s around hangman he’s always quite rude to her, only bc he’s harbouring huge feelings for her which he isn’t very used to. then maybe he goes too far and rooster needs to talk some sense into him (reader could be a pilot or just a close friend of rooster’s)

SORRY i’m not great and giving requests but i hope there’s something in there that you like !

Ahhhh I LOVE this request!! And I really loved writing this piece, which may or may not turn into a series.. oops I couldn't resist haha

Less Talk | Part I

Jake Seresin x F!Reader

Summary: Jake can't stand Bradley's best friend. What's more, he's probably in love with her, which really pisses him off.

CW: mild angst, Hangman being a dick aka Hangman being himself, unresolved sexual tension, swearing, drinking

Masterlist

“Do you ever not have an opinion?” Jake watches you irritably before taking a long swig of his drink. He needs the alcohol to calm his nerves so that he doesn’t inadvertently push you off your chair.

You glare at him. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? A nice, safe space for Seresin to dominate the conversation without opposition.”

Jake lets out a steady breath. No one riles him quite like you do. “We’re talking about food, Y/N. It doesn’t exactly have global ramifications.”

“Actually, it does,” you respond matter-of-factly. “And are you saying I shouldn’t have an opinion unless it is ground-breaking in nature? Maybe I should just sit here quietly and look pretty.”

“Ha!” Jake cackles. “I would love to see you try.”

“Hangman!” Bradley, who’s sitting to your right, gives him a disapproving look.

You make a grimace. “I will never give you that kind of satisfaction.”

Jake meets your gaze with a hostile look. The thought of you satisfying him in any way sort of disorients him. He makes a face at you because he can’t deny that if you were to just sit there in silence, you would be exceptionally pleasant to look at. Pretty, even… maybe. Instead, he says, “How the fuck does eating avocado toast for lunch have global implications? I would love to know.”

“The recent surge in consumption of avocados - thanks to health nuts such as yourself - has led to an unprecedented increase in price to the point where those people whose culinary staple for generations has been the avocado cannot afford to keep it their diet.” You fold your arms over your chest to drive your point home while Jake just stares at you, speechless. No other woman in the world has ever rendered him that. He glances over at Bradley who is looking back at him with a slight grin. Just when Jake thinks you might be all talked out, you add, “And don’t even get me started on the environmental burden of growing enough avocados to sustain the whole of North America’s health culture.”

Jake blinks at you. “Trust me, I wasn’t planning on it.”

“The avocado trade is contributing to local violence and extortion” – you continue, but Jake cuts you off.

“Okay, okay!” he says. “I’ll never eat an avocado again.”

“Just quit spreading your avocado propaganda!”

“It’s not propaganda! They’re actually good for you!”

“How wonderful it must be living in a world where your needs come before everybody else’s,” you say bitterly.

“Can we please talk about something other than avocados?” he says tiredly, his eyes sliding to Bradley in a plea for assistance.

“If you’re looking for a topic on which I do not have an opinion” – you say, but Jake interrupts you again.

“Does such a topic exist?” he asks flatly.

You roll your eyes at him. “Did you ever think that maybe you’re the one who should talk less?”

Jake nods. “Certainly. I should talk less to you. Because you’re driving me crazy, lady.” He stands up after having downed the rest of his drink. “I’m getting another beer and, when I return, I’m going to have a conversation with my good friend here, Rooster.”

Bradley shakes his head and looks over at you. “Don’t mind him, he’s just a bitter, bitter man.”

“A bitter man who needs to be schooled on occasion,” you mutter.

Jake turns to look at you with wide eyes. He slides back into his seat. “I heard that,” he says dangerously, inclining into the table.

“Good,” you respond, leaning forward so that your noses are nearly touching. “You were meant to.”

“You are so fucking annoying,” he whispers, his eyes slipping momentarily to your mouth as you lick your lips.

“Hangman, come on, don’t be a dick,” Bradley says, also putting his weight into the table in an attempt to intervene.

Jake’s eyes are still scanning your face as you glare at him without moving away. The truth is, he could probably listen to you talk about the problematic export of Mexican avocados for hours just to watch your mouth move and to hear the passion in your voice. But he’s tired of the tunnel vision he experiences every time your boyfriend ditches you and you end up going out with your best friend, Bradley Bradshaw. This is the fifth time this month that you’ve accompanied Rooster to ‘guys’ night out’ and it’s becoming more and more difficult for Jake to shake you after each successive evening of relentless verbal sparring.

Out of the corner of his eye, Jake can see Bradley slowly inching off the table, having realized that he may be a third wheel. But Jake doesn’t need him to be some sort of wingman in this bizarre scenario where he may or may not be completely in love with an unavailable woman who happens to be an expert at pushing all his goddamn buttons. Normally, he would remedy this kind of matter with a good old romp in the hay but, considering the fact that you are in a relationship, this option is, unfortunately, off the table. Besides, he’s not entirely sure it wouldn’t have the opposite effect on him, anyway.

But, despite all the reasons for avoiding your pull, Jake can’t look away, not even for a second; not even to get another beer. He moves his face a millimeter closer to yours, just to see what would happen; not because your breath smells like Peach Schnapps and not because your eyes are absolutely destabilizing him. His nose is about a split second away from brushing yours when your phone buzzes on the table. You flinch, withdrawing immediately, leaving Jake to watch you try to frantically pick it up. You shoot him one last intimidating look before rising from the table.

“Hey, babe,” he hears you say as you walk away.

“What’s your deal, man?” Bradley says as Jake watches you step outside.

Jake shakes his head solemnly. “Doesn’t she have other friends to play with?” he asks. “Why’re you always babysitting her?”

Bradley fixes Jake with a knowing look. “Hangman,” he says with a suggestive squint to his eye. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

Jake stares at Bradley. “Yeah,” he says. “I want to tell you that your bestie is a pain in the ass, Rooster.”

Bradley’s jaw hardens. “You’re way out of line.”

“Come on, I can’t be the only one who finds her absolutely infuriating. The girl never shuts up!”

Bradley narrows his eyes. “And you don’t, at all, find that sort of thing attractive?” he says sarcastically.

“Attractive? I find it immensely aggravating, actually.”

“So aggravating that you argue right back every time,” Bradley points out with a smirk. “Movies, books, social constructs. Last week, I heard you guys bickering about space waste. What do you even know about space?”

“What does she know about space?” Jake responds angrily, pointing toward the door with his entire arm.

Bradley leans back in his seat with a sigh. “I know that you don’t actually hate her, Jake,” he says. “You can stop pretending.”

“Who’s pretending?” Jake looks up at him aggressively.

Bradley purses his lips. “What if I told you that her boyfriend is a shithead?”

Jake’s jaw tightens but he continues to stare at Bradley coldly. “Why the fuck would I care?” he says.

Bradley returns his callous expression before looking away. “Been trying to get her out of that relationship for months.”

Jake lets out a sigh. “She’s a grown-ass woman, she can decide for herself if she wants to end it.”

Bradley nods. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

Jake rises from his seat, his eyes unintentionally drifting up to check if you’re still outside. He sees you pacing back and forth through the big window of the bar. You look like you’re arguing. Big surprise. “Want another beer?” he asks Bradley.

“Please,” Bradley says.

Jake nods at the cocktail you’ve been drinking. “She going to have another one?”

Bradley shrugs. “Probably, unless you’ve pissed her off enough that she decides to leave early.”

Jake scoffs. “She’d be doing me a favor.”

Bradley shakes his head with a laugh. “I don’t even know what she’s drinking, man.”

Jake shifts his jaw. “I do.”

Bradley gives him another piercing look. “Shocking,” he says with a smirk.

“Shut the fuck up, Bradshaw,” Jake says under his breath as he walks away. He glances back at the window behind which you’re now waving your arm around aggressively and yelling into the phone. He tears his gaze away from you, frustrated with himself for even giving a damn.

For some reason, he feels a painful pang in his chest, like he’s jealous of whomever it is you’re tearing into. You’ve never gone off on him quite like that and he can’t help the resentment this fosters. He tries to suppress the impulse to go out after you and rip your stupid phone right out of your hand. That would surely reclaim at least a fraction of your attention. Then maybe he could do something unexpected; something that might persuade you to channel your passion in a more constructive way.

He orders three drinks and walks back to the table with the beers before going back for your cocktail. When he returns, he exhales sharply, giving Bradley a humorless look. “Why’s her boyfriend a shithead?” he says, feeling his hands forming into fists before Bradley even has a chance to respond.

But, right when Bradley’s about to speak, you walk back into the bar.

Read Part 2

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this piece! It's my first Hangman story, so let me know what you think!

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[escelia]

I took a prompt from @ghostreblogging and ran away with it. I have other parts in progress that I'd be willing to post if you guys are into it. I'm not saying it's good, but I definitely had fun with this and got wild with the next part.

Danny Fenton-Wayne: Big Brother

To say Danny was excited to be a big brother was an understatement. He was so ready to finally be the older one, in a position where he was allowed to be protective but not overbearing. Jazz had trained him well for this. And Damian was just the perfect little brother to him, though he was sure that was weird to everyone else. It was so refreshing to have a sibling that didn't treat him like glass. He reminded him a lot of a smaller, angrier, less tech oriented Skulker. And it was great seeing the others' confused but entertained expressions.

"I will slit your throat while you sleep," Damian had glared at his new big brother. "You are not my big brother!" He insisted. Danny thought it was so cute! Skulker would love him. The other Wayne's had looked mortified as though the comment would scare Danny away. Really, the threat was weak. Slitting Danny's thought wouldn't be nearly as effective as Damian was hoping, and it wasn't even that creative. But Danny was a good big brother, and rough housing was a great way to let off steam and get in exercise, so Danny just laughed and responded,

"You could sure try!"

Damian lunged at him in rage. The kid was fast and efficient; he'd give him that. But Danny had faced things much worse than a 10 year old with a penchant for violence. He dodged and snagged the back of his shirt, scruffing him like an angry kitten.

"Damian! No! Bad!" Tim scolded. "Danny, I would tell you not to take it to heart, but he really will stab you, so please be careful?"

"Stab me? That's adorable!" Damian squirmed in his hold while Danny manhandled him into a hug. This didn't really count as being overbearing if it didn't last too long, right? Besides, with Damian fussing so loudly about it, he was sure this was exactly how Jazz felt when she smothered him. It was amazing. Being a big brother was the best.

He eventually let Damian go and he sped away like Pariah Dark was personally nipping at his heels. No doubt to go plan Danny's demise. He was kind of looking forward to it actually.

~~•○•~~

Dinner that night was eventful. He'd learned that Duke was a meta with an ability that affected his sight. Not that he'd outright said so, but Danny could tell. He also gathered a few inklings about his family being the freakin Bat Brigade? They were all vigilantes, and they thought he was some normal civilian! So was Damian being protective of his family in the face of some stranger? That was understandable. Respectable even. Jazz would have said that he was a newcomer in their space and that he needed to respect that. He wouldn't pry if they didn't want him to. Across the table, his baby brother waved a fork at him menacingly. Danny snickered.

"Damian…" Bruce warned. Dick tutted at him from his seat.

"Sorry about him, Danny. You can just ignore him," Dick assured. Danny found he really liked Dick too, what with his similar penchant for puns.

"Thanks, but I think I can handle him. He's what, 10 years old?"

"I'm clearly 12, you imbecile!" In the next moment, Damian was scrambling across the table embedding his fork into the back of Danny's chair, but Danny was no longer in it. Damian hadn't even seen him move if his stunned blinking was anything to go by.

"Trust me, I would not be good for your diet," Danny joked.

~~•○•~~

Danny had gotten a great idea when several days later Damian rushed him with a whole sword. Even as Phantom, Danny was never familiar with traditional weapons. He'd always wanted to learn, but knew that with Fentons it just wasn't a safe idea. So when Duke came running to reprimand Damian and the child saw an opening, Danny redirected the blade down and out of his hand, offering it back with a question about lessons. Perhaps he could bond with Damian by letting him teach him about his favorite weapon.

Their "training," as Damian put it, was going well. Danny genuinely felt like he was learning a lot from him as well as about him. And even with his ghostly enhanced speed the brat was keeping him on his toes. When Damian nicked him with his blade for the time Danny had been so proud. He knew he wasn't easy to hit.

"Say cheese!" Danny exclaimed, shoving his uninjured cheek up against Damian's for a photo. It had turned out amazing, with Danny pointing to the oozing scratch on his face while Damian scowled at him for enjoying himself.

"Please desist. You're taking all the fun out of trying to kill you." Danny just laughed

~~•○•~~

Damian's new brother was just weird. And apparently Damian was the only one who really knew it. At first he'd thought the fool was underestimating him, but boy was he mistaken. He was a civilian, right? Then why could he not land a hit on Fenton even without the interference of his inferior siblings? The wretched thing was able to snatch him mid air and wrestle him into a hug like it was nothing. He was a professionally trained assassin! This was embarrassing! The others thought Fenton just had decent reflexes and a lack of self preservation instincts, but Damian knew better.

The day Fenton disarmed him quickly went from infuriating to intriguing. His brothers had admonished him for attempting murder again, but Daniel had stood up for him and handed his precious blade back to him, going as far as asking if he was willing to give him lessons. Tt, at least one of his brothers could tell he was a superior warrior. He obliged, eager to show off his skills with a sword. And Daniel wasn't actually bad at it per se, but it was clear he wasn't versed in swordplay. After a few sessions with Daniel, he noticed something odd. Not bad, but odd. The room was always cooler when they sparred, and he found that he didn't often overheat. Daniel was a quick learner and very light on his feet. So light, in fact, that he sometimes seemed to float. And Damien would swear on his grandfather's blade that when Daniel got serious, his eyes would flash a bright, toxic green. Damian was determined to get to the bottom of this, and because he was, in fact, the smartest of the Wayne's, he would do it on his own!

Turns out, he didn't have to try that hard.

Damian woke with a start at the knock on his door. He didn't have patrol so he'd tried to turn in early for the night. Grumbling, he went to see who it was. He swore, if it was Drake and he wasn't sleeping even though he'd been kicked off the schedule for sleep deprivation, he would strangle him. He cracked the door to see glowing green eyes. But Danny didn't seem irrationally angry like Todd did when the Pit Rage consumed him.

"Can I come in please?" Danny pleaded. "I had a nightmare and don't wanna be alone, but the others are out and Tim needs his sleep…"

Damian sighed and opened the door for Danny to come in. He sat at the foot of the bed and curled his knees to his chest.

"I don't know what you expect me to do for you. I'm not some counselor." He closed the door and crossed his arms with an annoyed huff.

"I don't need a counselor, I just need my brother." Danny's tired smile was soft.

"Why? I've been told I don't have a comforting personality." Damain took a seat next to him.

"I don't need to be coddled, I'm not a baby. I really appreciate that you're straightforward and rough toward me. I'm traumatized, but like, I'm not gonna break, ya know?"

"You… like that I'm rude to you?" This had to be the first time anyone had ever said that to him.

"Do you know why I'm here? Why I was taken in?" When Damian shook his head Danny continued. "My parents were always pretty careless when it came to raising my sister and I. Their science always came first. We had to grow up pretty fast. And once you grow up, it sucks to be treated like a kid again. It's what got my sister into psychology, and she was constantly trying to psychoanalyze me. Well, I'd had a lab accident that… changed me. When my parents found out, they vivisected me. Bruce found out and got me out of there, but Jazz was already 18 and in college so she couldn't come with me."

Damian was horrified. Even the League with their harsh rules and cruel nature would never do something like that. Even so, it did explain a lot, and Daniel seemed to know how to handle his trauma. An accident in a lab would definitely explain Daniel's more meta-like features as well. He wondered if his father knew, but figured he didn't because the boy had been very secretive about any abilities he might have gained.

"So to summarize, your parents were atrocious to you and now instead of being coddled or analyzed, you prefer to spend your time with people trying to stab you? I tried to kill you." He pointed out.

"Yea, well so has everyone else in my family at one point or another. It's sort of like a rite of passage and you're the only one that's done it," Danny smirked and nudged Damian. The younger boy could admit he found the humor in that, dark as it may be. "Besides, you get it: not wanting to be underestimated or looked down on just because you're young even though you've been through hell." Damian couldn't deny that. Maybe they were more alike than he had anticipated. Interacting with him didn't grate on his nerves like the others did at least. He sighed.

"So, what now Daniel? We sit in silence until you feel safe enough to go back to your own room?"

"I strongly prefer Danny for reasons I'm not willing to talk about yet, but I get the feeling this is as good as I'm gonna get, huh?"

"Correct."

"Well then, do you mind if I call my dog? He's a good boy, I promise," Danny pleaded.

"I do like the company of animals. I didn't know you had a dog, I haven't seen a new one on the grounds." Danny took this as a go-ahead to summon Cujo.

"I don't take him many places, he can get rowdy and protective sometimes. But I'm positive he'll love you." He let out a sharp whistle and the green ghost puppy phased into the room from under the door. He trotted over to the boys, tongue flopping as he did. He pounced excitedly on Danny before giving Damian a thorough sniff and deeming his presence safe and acceptable. He happily let the boy scratch his belly.

"He's… uh, green. What breed is he?"

"The ghost kind," Danny replied sadly. The implications were heartbreaking. "My accident turned me half-ghost so now I have a ghost puppy," he said as if that explained everything. "You uh, won't tell the others about this, right?"

Damian tilted his head in thought while he scratched Cujo behind the ears. He'd definitely want more details on what exactly Daniel meant by "ghost," but for now, he felt pride at being the one family member Daniel actually felt comfortable talking to. He could lord that over his siblings later.

"We'll, you're no longer in any danger, and your past is none of their business unless you want it to be, so I don't don't see a reason to tell them."

Danny grinned at his little brother. He knew Damian would be his favorite! He already knew he would do anything for him.

[kazoosandfannypacks]

Camp Half Blood Halloween Lookalike Shenanigans Headcanon

My little brother and I decided it would be funny if there was a Camp Half-Blood halloween party where everyone came dressed as a different member of the camp. Our ideas include:

Grover dresses as Percy, borrowing one of his flannel shirts and putting a streak of gray in his hair.

Nico also dresses as Percy, but in the most stereotypical way possible. He keeps pulling massive amounts of blue candy out of his pockets and threatening to fight people with a ballpoint pen.

Annabeth dresses as Grover. She finds a way to get food to look like tin cans and candy wrappers, and spends the whole time eating those while stopping everyone who keeps accidentally littering.

Percy and Jason dress as each other and swear they didn't plan it in advance. Piper also dresses as Annabeth and she and Jason call each other seaweed brain and wise girl the whole time.

Mr. D complains that the whole thing is stupid and he's not participating, up until the day of the party, when he's seen walking around with an orange t-shirt and a nametag that says "PETER JOHNSON"

Connor and Travis are dressed as themselves. They keep saying things like "CLEARLY I'm dressed as my brother," and "can't you tell? We switched necklaces!" when in actuality they did not at all and came dressed as themselves (or as each other pretending to be themselves I guess?)

Will plays the greatest Nico DiAngelo imaginable, wearing all black, carrying around a Happy Meal box, and walking around complaining about how "everyone hates me even though I have no evidence to support this claim" and "oh maybe those Apollo kids are right and I should start actually taking care of myself, but alas! I shall not!"

Leo dresses as Jason. Actually, he's wearing a superman costume and a blonde wig, but it gets the point across. He keeps walking up to Percy, who is also dressed as Jason, and saying "oh great, ONE of us is gonna have to change," and also finding random places to pretend to pass out and knock himself unconscious. He's having the time of his life....

That is, until Hazel shows up from Camp Jupiter in a dirty white buttondown shirt and suspenders, grease staining her face and hair, wearing a cheap dollar tree toolbelt with plastic tools. She peppers a pun into every conversation and jokingly flirts with half the girls there, and even though Leo acts unimpressed, everyone else agrees she almost makes a better Leo than he does.

Frank comes with her. Having mastered his powers of shapeshifting, he manages to shapeshift only his lower half into a horse, thus making a pretty good centaur, and he wears a suit jacket and speaks in a cryptic manner, making for a pretty convincing Chiron. At first, Frank wasn't sure if it was such a good idea. Maybe Chiron would think it was rude, or in poor taste? He ends up very glad that Hazel and Leo convinced him to do it when he sees how much everyone appreciates his costume.

And, of course, Frank realizes he had nothing to worry about when Chiron comes in wearing a hawaiian shirt, with a diet coke in hand, as he calls every single camper by the wrong name.

[lady-raziel]

Somewhere, in another timeline...Bernie Sanders is finishing out his second term as president.

(a coping-method scenario)

Back in 2016, the Democratic Party saw that denying his appeal and pushing forward with Hillary Clinton would be catastrophic—she didn’t have the appeal, and pushing forward another historic first right after Obama might galvanize the right wing further into feeling that America was no longer “for them.” The potential risk was too great in radicalizing that bloc, and as strange as it seemed, Bernie was the safer choice. He faces Donald Trump in the general election—and many pundits decry the sad state of today’s politics, where the only choices are a “socialist kook” or a reality television star. Trump’s odd mannerisms and morally questionable behavior, however, manage to turn off enough people that they’d rather not vote at all. After careful consideration, the Democrats do decide to take a chance on a female VP running mate (after all, the Republicans had set precedent with Sarah Palin in 2008)-- Senator Amy Klobuchar gets tapped to balance the ticket. With the slightly lower voter turnout on the right, and the left energized with a surging youth vote, Bernie Sanders becomes the 45th president of the United States, and America gets its first female VP with Amy Klobuchar.

Trump, who had honestly never intended on winning anyway, uses the loss as planned to claim fraud and launch his own cable streaming channel- TNN, Trump News Nation- intended as a rival to Fox News. He repeatedly tries to sue over the “stolen” election—this had all been intended to make sorely needed funds for his hemorrhaging business ventures after all. TNN draws massive ratings on launch, but as the months go by, views trickle off as watchers grow exhausted of hearing about politics through the context of Trump’s own grievances. Most filter back to Fox News, where at least the diet of mostly fabricated nonsense and conspiracy theories are varied. TNN’s most viewed show is a variation on the Apprentice, where contestants compete to gain Donald’s political endorsement and “mentorship.” None of the winning show contestants ever end up winning their political races. By 2018, viewership is minimal and stagnant, any ad revenue has dried up, and TNN shutters its doors. Trump moves on to his next failed business grift, fading from public relevance only to be occasionally remembered as “that time a reality tv personality ran for president…can you believe that happened?” American politics forgets him as another failed presidential candidate, and the GOP moves on, reexamining their strategy after losing to a Democrat once again.

Bernie’s presidency isn’t all sunshine and roses. The young progressives who voted him in find themselves frustrated with the lack of sudden progressive changes he’s actually able to make due to the constraints of the presidency—one still needs to work with Congress, after all. And Washington doesn’t exactly warm up to the formerly Independent senator with a leftist bent quickly. But landmark bipartisan legislation on climate change that includes concessions to congressional Republicans on taxes proves to be very successful. Despite controversy on some of the legislation's corporate tax restructuring (part of Republican demands), the tax cuts and benefits for the vast majority of Americans have appeal to even those who questioned the value of climate change measures.

By the 2020 election, Bernie’s favorability is substantial, in addition to a boost from quick action in tackling a small, ultimately containable new virus. Regardless, Bernie is able to leverage providing funds for vaccine research to help contain and prevent future outbreaks to drug companies, in exchange for negotiating price caps on certain drugs. The combined result is more than enough to hand him a win in 2020 against Ted Cruz—who’s off-putting “serial killer vibes” and right-leaning deep Texas persona prove to be buzzkills for the GOP’s attempt at leaning right as a rebrand.

The fields for both parties are packed in the 2024 primaries—but ultimately Senator Cory Booker clenches the Democratic nomination, and the Republicans take a chance on Representative Liz Cheney, hoping that the combination of the Cheney name and a female candidate a la the Sarah Palin gambit will be what’s needed to turn their losing streak around. It’s a tight race, in the end—pundits pontificate on how “polarized” the nation has become, as rhetoric flies about the Cheney legacy and calling Liz everything from a warmonger to “the worst candidate America has ever seen who will do serious damage to the heart of the nation.” Voters on the left debate the potential of the first female president vs rehashed talking points from the Bush era and the legacy of wars in the Middle East.

The pick of Booker by the Democratic establishment, who are fairly eager to regain control over the nomination process and candidate selection after having to cede control and allow Bernie's candidacy last time, ultimately reflects that the party and elites have not learned the lesson 2016 should have impressed upon them. Instead of allowing the voters interests to shape the primaries, they continue to wield control and painstakingly fixate over the specific demographics of candidates, trying to find the right "mix" that they think moderate voters will "tolerate." Booker, despite his accomplishments, is ultimately the victim of this, as he doesn't have the revolutionary appeal of Obama, despite frequently being painted as "Obama 2.0." The Democrats fail once again to learn that what voters truly care about is not a candidate fitting certain demographic boxes, but the strength of their ideas and narrative.

Ultimately, the voters go with Liz Cheney, who historically becomes the first female president of the United States. Republicans are jubilant at taking back the White House (and that they were able to claim a historic first and deny Democrats the honor-- not that they'd say it outright, since they'd sought to strike a contrast between running Cheney just as a candidate and not as a woman). Despite the outcome of the election, it's unclear whether the Democratic establishment finally learns that lesson-- or retreats into itself pointing fingers and throwing blame at "not picking a female and losing credibility as the party of progress." Rumors had been flying that Hillary was going to try again—ultimately turning out to be false (but perhaps not entirely untrue-- she had been approached and was considering it). Some Democrats point out that "progress" should be expressed through innovative and progressive policies that will APPEAL to different demographics, instead of ignoring stagnant policies to focus on demographics alone...time will tell if their voices are heard.

As for Joe Biden, one of the longstanding members of the political sphere, after serving as Obama's VP, he retires to his home in Delaware, only occasionally being seen at major political events here and there. The largest amount of attention he gets is a moment in 2021 that spawns many, many memes-- a viral video is captured of Biden enjoying an ice cream when it falls to the floor, at which point the former VP stares at the melting cone and declares "I'm Dark Brandon." No one has any clue what he's talking about, and it's written off as just another "Uncle Joe" gaffe. Other than that, not much is heard from Biden. People do say, however, that occasionally the man stares off into the distance with a far-off look of horror, as if he is somewhere else entirely...and witnessing something awful.

As Cheney is sworn in as president, the progressive corners of the internet mourn, citing the actions of Dick Cheney and decrying that this new administration might be "the death of democracy." A viral Tweet (yes, TWEET) with millions of likes reads "bruh this has to be the darkest timeline, there's no way this could be any worse 😫"

(If only they really knew...)

[cheshirebitch]

Can i request reader who has pingu energy with making and giving alastor his valentines day card please?

I didn’t know what you meant at first until I REALIZED haha. I hope I did you justice and that you enjoy as much as I did writing it! (Here’s a gif for the people who don’t know what this lovely requester meant)

𝔾𝕣𝕦𝕞𝕡𝕪 𝕍𝕒𝕝𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕖

Alastor x Reader

I really hated Valentine’s Day. Like, I really fucking hate Valentine’s Day. You can only like the holiday so much when you caught your boyfriend cheating on you, shot him, and then got hit by a car while speeding away from the police. Hell of a way to go, I know. Alastor found it hilarious. Especially when my ex tried to stay at the hotel. The lovely deer man ended up eating him before I could get a word in. That was when I realized I really had a thing for the old fashion man.

That pretty much explains why I was now trying to make a card perfect enough to present to him. Everything had to be perfect, but it definitely was not going as planned. I have created at least thirty cards by now, none of which were good enough to give to Alastor. The top three cards so far got ruined when I spilled my paint water on them. I tried recreating the one with the deer puns, since he is always making them with me whenever he has a chance. We were both deer. I joked with Alastor that the reason I was created into a demon deer was because I was hit by a car, like how deer were commonly struck during my time alive.

The next card was completely red with different shades. With how he dresses, and his diet preferences, I figured his favorite color was red, hopefully. Inside it wrote in the fanciest cursive I could write, “You have my whole heart, try not to eat it.” I thought he would get a good chuckle out of that, just in case he doesn’t return the feelings as well.

The last card was one that had a drawing of Alastor I was actually proud of, but of course that was right when I knocked over the cup. Which, of course, stuck me in a completely grumpy mood. I grabbed the red construction paper and slammed it aggressively onto the table. I glared daggers at the cup, now empty of all its paint water, before smacking it off the table.

With the red construction paper in front of me, I glanced around the table for what I should slap onto this three hour long project. Husk walked past before stopping and back peddling.

“What are you doing?” Without hesitating, I mean mugged him.

”This stupid fucking heartfelt card bullshit.” I snatched the red glitter glue from the edge of the table and squirted it messily onto the cover of the card. I grabbed the other shade of red construction paper and started cutting out a heart shape. Husk chuckled, shaking his head.

”To who?” My eyes snapped back up to look at him. I grabbed the three ruined cards and tossed them towards the end of the table Husk stood at. He looked down at them, carefully flipping them without ruining them further than I already had.

“Al-“

”You shut your mouth, Cat.” He raised his eyebrows, dropping the ruined cards back down. The last thing I need is for Alastor to hear and come snooping around. I know him well enough that he could hear when someone says his name and always shortly swings by like the nosy man he is. I mean, he was a radio host. It was his job to be nosy.

“I will leave you to it.” He raised his hands up in surrender, walking back out of the room and towards wherever his original destination was. Yeah, that’s what I thought. Get back to making your own stupid Valentine’s Day gift for Angel Dust. I huffed before slapping my cut out paper heart in the center. My fingers rummaged around the table, ready to grip the black marker whenever I found it. I was too busy glaring at the messy card. My teeth ripped off the cap, spitting the lid somewhere next to me, and then carefully writing his name with as much patience I had left. My patience was barely there, but there was enough for the cursive to come out great.

I was still pissed.

I snatched the card off the table, scribbled my message inside, and then marched to find the deer in question.

”Alastor! Where are you?” I strode into the lobby area, searching for Alastor so this nightmare could be done and over with.

"What's that frown on your face for?” Static and a smile.

“Here.” I spun around and aggressively held out the card, still completely grumpy about everything leading up to this moment. Alastor had an amused face, looking down at the card. Waiting for him to take it, I watched how he tossed his staff into the crook of his arm. His claws delicately took the card from my hands. Glad to be rid of the card and the pressure, I marched off back into the room where my three cards sat, slightly drier than before.

“Stupid fucking water. Stupid fucking cards.” I grumbled while cleaning up the mess I made on the table. Why did I have to worry so much if he liked it? Why did I even decide to even make him a card? He probably just thought it was friendly, or something negative. Valentine’s Day has always been just heartbreak, why did I set myself back up for it this year?

”You left before I could give you my gift, dear.” I jumped out of my skin and turned around to see Alastor looking at the three ruined cards.

”These are also very pleasant. I do wish they didn’t get ruined.” He flipped the cards back over to how they were sitting before. That’s when I saw the bouquet of my favorite flowers, a beautifully decorated card, and a black velvety box. My eyes shot up to his as they looked at me over his monocle. He straightened his back and took two long strides to me.

”I promise I won’t eat your heart if you promise to stop being so enticingly sweet.” The grump look on my face melted away into a sheepish smile. It must have been infectious as he smiled wider and more sincere. He gently places the gifts on a cleared section, then carefully grazes his claws on my face.

“There’s that beautiful smile, Mon Cher.” His hands dragged down from my face to my hands, pulling one up to kiss delicately, then flashing those crimson eyes of his back up to mine.

Okay, maybe Valentine’s Day won’t be so bad this year.

(As always, the character belong to their owner and the story belongs to me. If you have any requests or ideas, send them over :)! I will gladly try to write things for my supporters! Thank you for the love and have a great day <3!)

[bigoverstuffedteddybear]

Dinner With My Family

Mutual gaining / clothes bursting / weight gain / I’m the pov in this

We arrive at the restaurant first— it was your plan, you’d been hungry for the past hour despite leaving plenty of snack packets littering the car. The shirt we’d managed to collectively squeeze you into was already looking snug on your bulging belly, the same with those jeans you were wearing. So tight around your thick thighs— your belly halved by the high waistband that’s struggling to hold everything back. You look so positively fat— I just want to stuff you so much that you burst out of those clothes, or maybe grab and play with your belly. But I don’t, I manage to bite my lip as you waddle off towards the bar for a drink and a starter.

To be fair to us, I’m not that different from you. Admittedly, you were supposed to be the feeder but you got too caught up in what were the fattiest treats that you soon surpassed me in weight. That didn’t stop you though, even under all that lard, you were still the more dominant one. At home, you’d take great joy in pinning me down and shoving treat after treat into my starving mouth, it’s a weird feeling to bloat whilst trapped under blubber like yours but it’s so so fucking hot.

Unlike you, I’d managed to find something that still fit my plumpening body but still, handfuls of fat managed to escape. I keep tugging my knighted jumper down, knowing that with every breath and step, it’s just going to keep riding back up and over my big belly.

“Teddy? Oh my… you look well!”

The voice catches me off guard and I spin slightly trying to spot whoever it was, feeling my fat sway and ripple with the movement. It was my mother, the one who you’d smirked at when you first met her(you said something about how you’d make me so much bigger than her), looking slimmer than the last time I saw her. Blood rushes to my chubby cheeks as I stammer out a reply, “I am! Thanks! You too—” She pulls me into a hug and I can feel my flabby belly moulding to her slimming frame. “He’s just at the bar getting a drink, we managed to get here first for once.” I laugh and feel my body jiggle with the exertion.

“Oh hey!! What took you guys so long?” It took me a second to realise that you were talking with food in your mouth again, you amble over, thick and hanging belly swaying with every step. It was obvious you’d been eating, whatever it was had left sauce smeared around your plump lips. I had to try and not to laugh at how piggish you’d gotten since you’d gained weight, although I should’ve, I would’ve gotten such a great stuffing out of it later.

We manage to make it through the hellos without too much fuss, my parents awkwardly making eye contact with each other after sizing us up. It had only been a few weeks since we’d last seen them but with the way you’d gained weight, it’s impossible to track how much you’d grown.

“So, work treating you well?” My dad asks you over our mains, we’d each had a sharer platter each(even I can’t deny stuffing myself silly despite being in front of my parents).

“Mhmmm, yeah, really well!! Nice and cushy pay rise recently too—“ Your sentences cut short as you proceed to shove mouthful after mouthful of that fatty burger into your mouth. You’ve become such a boisterous glutton and it makes me feel so proud. You may have overtaken me but you still liked to be the dominant one in the relationship.

“Any improvements on that whole diet thing from last time?” The penny drops. My mother’s gentle tone drifts through the staggered conversation. My eyes dart to you, you’ve stopped mid mouthful.

“Ahhh well… there is actually, managed to get find a delivery service at an affordable price so we can get it sent straight to the house— minimal effort to prep and all that! Work gets busy these days and we hardly have any time to cook from scratch!” I try not to choke on my food as you said that, delivery services my arse— you know full well that we order in every night and it’s only the fattening greasy stuff that you let us eat.

It quietens the conversation though, I think they know we’re not losing weight any time soon. The dinner passes without any more comments on our climbing weights, even after we both managed to eat two desserts each. I started to slow down once I realised how bloated I was getting, my jumper was not staying down and I could feel the breeze tickle my exposed skin as I got more and more stuffed. You, however, didn’t notice and didn’t care how bloated you were getting even after the seams on your jeans began to creak and your buttons became even tauter.

Eventually, we manage to pay and bid my parents goodbye, fully knowing that we would be the topic of conversation for the next few weeks or at least until the next family gathering.

It takes a while for the two of us to waddle back to the car, you most of all with your rounded gut bouncing and rippling like jelly made of rock. But you make it and haul yourself into the passenger seat, seeing how you outgrew the drivers seat at least a month ago and I hardly manage to slide myself in behind the wheel of the car. The car pulls to one side when you sit down, groaning under your weight.

Exhausted, you take a deep breath and when you breath out, everything breaks. The buttons fly open on your shirt and the seams of your jeans finally give way to your bulging fat as your large belly rushes forwards to the glove box, blocking it shut. You laugh and shake the whole car before slapping your gut and making it jiggle. You look over at me, eyeing up my fat body, licking your lips.

“So what’s for supper?”

First attempt at something like this!! Please be nice :)

[path-of-grass-and-leaves]

Working with Collective Spirits: Plants and Animals

UPG Warning: Content is based on personal experience.

Individual vs Collective

The difference between an individual spirit and a spirit collective is pretty simple. Working with an individual involves connecting with a being who has their own personality traits and motives. Some are well-known (like the Witch Father), some are spirits of the dead or specific ancestors, some are tied to certain individuals, families, and locations, and some are Nameless or long-forgotten.

A spirit collective is sort of like a current that runs through all living beings and objects. It can be as broad or as narrow as you wish. For example, you can work with the spirit of all trees or you can work with the spirit of Maples.

This is easy to conceptualize if you're an animist who believes that all life is connected and there is spirit in all things. Imagine the life force that runs through us all is a great river, and specific spiritual collectives are the tributaries.

To put it simply, if you are leaving offerings to the spirit of a dead rabbit that you found on the side of the road, you are engaging with an individual. If you are leaving an offering for all rabbits in your immediate area you are working with a collective.

Overlap

Sometimes a spirit can exist both as a collective and an individual. For example, the spirit of your house or local river may be made up of several different spirits and go by many names.

Additionally, if I'm working with the spirit of Apple Trees, one could assume that I'm working with millions of apple tree spirits formed into a single collective.

Connecting with Collective Spirits

If you're like me, you need to have an emotional and physical connection to certain spirits before you begin involving them in workings. This usually means that I'm working with plants and animals that exist in my own local biosphere.

Here are some ways to start getting to know plant and animal spirit collectives:

Meet them in their own environment: For example, if you want to work with the spirit of Oak Trees, start by spending time where they are known to grow. You can take a walk through a local forest or visit individual trees in a park or your own backyard.

Learn about them: Find reading material about the species you're interested in. Learn about their native habitat, behavior, diet, growth rate, myth and folklore, the time of year that they're present, etc. I find that engaging with a plant or animal on a scientific and material level helps you get to know them more personally and will therefore strengthen any spiritual relationships you wish to pursue.

Care for them: If you're looking to work with the spirit of Lilac, plant and care for a lilac shrub. If you want to work with the spirit of Hummingbirds, install a feeder. If you're interested in the spirit of cats or dogs, start fostering or volunteering for a rescue.

Observe them: If the collective that you want to work with is that of an animal, take some time to watch them from a safe distance in their natural environment. If you're working with a plant, feel free to get up close and personal as long as it's safe and you are not disturbing a protected species.

Veneration

I want to start by saying that veneration is not something that is required when working with spirits and in some cases can actually be a bit of a hindrance. However, it is beneficial if your goal is to emotionally connect with spirits, gain favor with them, and establish highly personal ongoing relationships. My workings boast a higher success rate and rich personal meaning when I am working with a spirit who I have developed a connection with through consistent offerings and acts of kindness.

Physical offerings

The most common form of veneration is a physical offering. They can be left at an altar or outdoors in the natural habitat of the collective spirit that you plan on working with.

Outdoor offerings should be left with great care for the local ecosystem. For plants I usually leave compost or fresh water. I will also drop specific food items in my compost bin as an offering to whatever plant spirit I'm working with that day.

For animals, things can be a bit more complicated. When offering food, it's crucial to be 100% certain that it is safe for wildlife to consume and that you aren't leaving so much so often that animals start to rely on you for food. I usually stick to birdseed, acorns, peanuts, fresh fruit and greens, unsalted sunflower seeds, and cat food for the strays. Keep in mind that food is left only in my own backyard (never, like, the woods) and never in high abundance. When in doubt, a bowl of fresh water is a more than sufficient offering.

Indoor offerings allow much more room for variety. Food items that cannot be left outside (like meat, cheese, confections, and alcohol) can be safely offered this way. You also won't be limited to compostable items and will be free to leave assorted trinkets, jewelry, or whatever you find appropriate.

Acts of Kindness

Personally I feel that acts of kindness are the best way to venerate plant and animal collectives. Not only are you building real-life relationships and connections, but you are making an active difference in the lives of actual living beings and this will always be well-received from a magical perspective. In my practice, how I interact with the physical world is in direct relation to that of the spirit world, so this is an important step for me.

Some acts of service can overlap with physical offerings such as leaving bowls of water for the wildlife on a hot day, filling a bird feeder, or watering a plant, but there are countless other options to choose from, including activism, rewilding, rescue, volunteering, and habitat restoration.

For example, if I want to work with the spirit of Monarch Butterflies, I may start a monarch waystation full of milkweed and nectar-producing native plants. If I'm venerating the spirit of Black-Eyed Susan, I could scatter some seeds on the roadside. If I'm working with the spirit of domestic dogs I might feel compelled to volunteer at a local shelter. Perhaps the spirit collective that I want to work with is fresh-water dwelling and I opt to help clean a local river.

In addition to physical offerings and acts of service, some ideas include constructing miniature altars and spirit houses, creating devotional art, and wearing devotional jewelry.

Working with Collective Spirits

There are many benefits to working with spirit collectives. They can be involved in spellwork, called directly during divination, and petitioned to help advance certain skills. This is where knowledge gained through study and observation are put to use. Plant and animal collectives come with their own folklore and symbolism, natural skill-sets, and physical and behavioral qualities which are useful in magical workings. Once you have a handful of spirit types that you're familiar with you can start putting everything into practice.

One way to begin choosing which collectives you incorporate into which workings is through divination. Break out your cards or bag of charms, call upon the spirit of your choosing, and ask them what their skills are. If you have researched the plant or animal in the past or already have a rough list of correspondences, you can compare the answers to your existing notes.

Petitioning spirits in magical workings is a great introduction to spirit work and can be easily executed by beginners. For simple workings, it's enough to just call upon the spirit, leave an offering, and ask for assistance. Here are a few simple ideas for getting started:

Divination: Call upon a specific plant or animal collective that corresponds with your question or possesses skills related to the subject at hand. Ask for them for their wisdom and guidance.

Spellwork: Before casting, call upon the collective spirit of your choosing and ask for them to assist you.

Glamours and Ambient Spells: Ask for the collective spirit to lend you some of their qualities, features, or skills, or ask them to bless a physical space or personal astral location with characteristics of their native environment.

Celebrations and Rituals: Invite the collective spirit of certain animals or plants to your ritual. For example, the spirit of Rabbits could be invited to join a Spring Equinox celebration.

Blessing or Enchanting Objects: Ask for the corresponding spirit collective to charm, enchant, or bless an object.

These are just basic concepts. Feel free to get creative and fine-tune some of these ideas to your personal practice. Working with collective animal and plant spirits is extremely rewarding and I've found that my magical skills have grown exponentially since doing so. My awareness of and connection to the natural world has also improved and I find that I notice and am able to identify significantly more plants and wildlife than I used to.

[accio-victuuri]

i am someone who had always been fond of fake rumors. even if it’s not from lrlg, i will eat it up. doesn’t matter what the source is from the 3 accounts that are actively posting contributions. do i believe it’s all real? no. does that stop me from enjoying them? no. i treat it as a cute story/fan fiction to enjoy. but there are a couple of times that i talked about how it hits too close to home. maybe it’s a coincidence— just depends on the person to decide.

so everyone is talking about the clues in zz’s recent weibo post. the usual ones : a photo of the moon, taking a shot of his shoes which is re-web series and looks like wyb’s gq weibo post, the sunset backdrop etc.

but can we talk about the caption????

the plan to quit carbs fell short.

on the surface, it’s a humorous caption. zz who is lamenting the fact that his diet is “ruined” by the great food in the city. and i would say a common caption people who are on vacation will use. but two things i wanna discuss:

the caption does not match the photos. zz is not a stranger to sharing photos of food. at this point, it’s expected. but you would think, with that caption, we would at least get a photo of the culprits *cough*bread and pastries*cough* that made his plan fail right? so what is this for. who is he reporting? which leads me to the second point, the lunar new year reunion fake rumor posted on 2/22. specifically when yibo told xz “ If you don’t eat carbohydrates, your temper will get worse.” which i dismissed as their usual banter when i read it. we know wyb nags him to eat actual food so this checks out. but thinking about it now, it’s so specific. carbs. why did he say that? if this was happening during the lunar new year holidays, it could be xz was already starting or planning his no carb diet. then the caption in his weibo post confirms that, there was a plan but it failed during his milan trip.

is this him indirectly telling wyb that the plan failed? is his temper better now? lol 😂😂😂😂

we are aware that xz eats healthy food and most likely hires someone to take care of that. but no one knew about this carb thing, till this caption. or if you read the fake, you would. a fake rumor shared by someone who is allegedly in their circle.

and people wonder why we get so worked up about certain fakes… this is an example of why 💯

-END.

[koolades-world]

Hello!

could you write an MC who is a dragon tamer? (It's more like befriending dragons but it's up to you really)

That's all! and thank you!

hi! yeah, sure thing :)

dragons are so cool and they might even exist in the devildom! decided to swap the word tamer to whisperer since that seemed to fit what you wanted better

enjoy!

Dragon whisperer Mc

Lucifer

he thinks all of your dragon friends are absolutely gorgeous

seeing you care for them makes him proud to know you

he treats them like he does cerberus (ie his little babies but only when nobody is around)

glad to help out with them whenever he has time

Mammon

he thinks you're literally the coolest person ever

of course, he wants to tries the dumbest shit imaginable such as doing backflips while on their back mid air

of course this doesn't pan out like planned and he falls, but you let him do it just to let him see how dumb that idea is in execution (thank god he's mammon and has wings)

sometimes he goes out flying with them and tries to keep it a secret from you, and fails

Levi

as hell's admiral, he's had experience with sea serpents so the two of you get to talk about how similar the two of them actually are

lots of fun days at the beach where he's in the water with lotan, and you on the sand with your dragon friends

he understands what it's like to care for them and the two of you exchange tips from time to time

can help with dragon sitting! probably the brother you should trust the most thanks to his experience

Satan

he's read lots about dragons before, so he asks you lots of questions about them to you

he learns that dragons, once befriended, are not unlike cats in a few ways and his cat friends love your dragon friends

one time while he was reading, one of your dragon friends walked up and plopped themself onto his lap. it's a good thing he's a demon. he was stuck there for six hours

he also enjoys reading to them, and you if you decide to sit in and listen, and he feels like a proud dad

Asmo

not only does he love how beautiful they are, he also loves how intelligent they are

he loves to help you with bathing them and especially polishing their scales

if they let him, he puts cute little bows on them and takes loads of pictures

literally obsessed with them

Beel

to an extent, he can benchpress the smaller dragons

it's honestly terrifying to see him do it

he also asks lots of questions about the diets of the dragons and how they find their food if they're hungry before or after a mealtime

he likes to help make their treats and he only tries to eat the ingredients sometimes since he knows how much your dragon friends enjoy them

Belphie

thinks they make great pillows because they're large and warm

unfortunately for him, they don't care that he's asleep on them and will get up and leave him behind

likes to watch them fly around as both a way to help him fall asleep and just to admire them

would never tell you, but he thinks that dragon training is a very fitting and very attractive hobby for you