#absolutely sucked me in from the start
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Young adult dystopian/horror novel
A trans boy on the run from an eco-fascist Christian cult that decimated the population by releasing a deadly virus is rescued by group of teens from a local LGBTQ+ center and agrees to help them take down the cult–but he's hiding the secret that he's slowly being transformed into a monster via the bioweapon the cult infect him with
Compelling, intense, and gorey
Explores religious trauma & trans/queer rage
Gay, trans main character; gay, autistic love interest; various queer side characters
#BIBLICALLY ACCURATE ANGEL DISEASE IS SUCH A BANGER OF A CONCEPT#this book is very gross and intense and full of body horror and is also so good#absolutely sucked me in from the start#also the teenagers FEEL like actual teenagers even in the apocalypse which i really liked?#also the nuance that trans identity and neurodivergence was written with just showed a lot of care and authenticity#super excited for the author's victorian spiritualists novel hell yeah#okay wait there were two things i didn't quite get#the first is the benji has control over the graces and that makes him special but also they CAN follow other's orders?#and the second is *spoiler* i just didn't think it was realistic that he didn't realize nick was a former angel#like it's not THAT big of a group and he was in the same squadron as theo?#otherwise a fantastic read those were just two slightly confusing/weaker things#hell followed with us#andrew joseph white#lulu reads hell followed with us#books#lulu speaks#lulu reads#2023 reads
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with Luo Qingyang and Lou Binghe having the same last name I got start thinking of an au: like what if lbh was her little brother
tho what's funnier lbh in the mdzs universe or that means tlj is lou qingyangs dad in that au
I wanted to give this a genuine answer but I kept getting distracted by Lou Binghe...so...yeah.
#poorly drawn svsss#svsss#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#modern au#homestuck#ask#More of a warning tag than an organization tag. Even though this is not my first homestuck crossover. Or my last.#Do *not* ask me to justify why modern au svsss translated into 'homestuck casual cosplayer LBH'. I don't know. I don't know!!!#It was 2am and my brain is completely cooked! It just kept happening bro!#I do think modern AU LBH would absolutely be a causal cosplayer by the way. Maybe not homestuck. Probably an anime.#I will take suggestions and the best one (very loose definition of best) I will draw. Or do another poll to then draw.#This is your call to action (the one reading this <3)#Shen (shawn) Yuan absolutely has 'I read homestuck since it's days on the mspa forums' energy. He would have been in deep.#Shang Quinghua can also have a little 'After finishing the series he became a clown gender e-boy'. As a treat.#Ok I got it out of my system. I can answer the ask properly now.#LBH would have been so much more normal if he had mianmian as a role model.#“if it sucks - hit the bricks. Do not succumb to the sunk cost fallacy” is a motto LBH really needed to hear.#Both of them do start from the bottom and seek a rise to the top - only to take a step back and realize it isn't the most important thing.#So it is a kind of neat parallel!
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as cool as their design is im really starting to dislike the sonau in general, aside from their stuff suddendly being everywhere and everything being about them and how cool(tm) they are now with the mystery stone turning people into dragons and the similarities between the sonau and the three dragons (naydra, eldra, farodra) its actually not an impossibility that they used to be sonaus as alot of people have been theorizing about ..but ...... idk that would very much ruin their otherwordly yet ethereal mystery to me
i probably sound like some hater whos trying to find something more to dislike about totk all the time but i promise im not!!
the three dragons being some unexplained mystery, beings that are there yet few can see them, timeless, nigh untouchable, they dont act on anything, they dont talk, something about them has always made me look at them in awe; if it turned out they were just yet another cool(tm) sonau guy that ate a stone ... :/
not a fan of that one lads, but dont worry, i will keep my thoughts to myself from now on, i dont want to ruin other peoples fun nor seem like i just hate everything ... the three dragons are just really important to me so i had to say something
#ganondoodles talks#tloz#totk#totk spoilers#totk spoiler#besides i have leanred that i tend to have the unpopular opinions and frankly im tired of the hate directed at me#if you disagree thats fine but please dont spam me with why you think its cool actually#bc it just feels like yet another argument starting as to why im wrong and need to be talked down to and also suck actually#sorry its been all over my timeline on twitter so i just had to throw my dumbass opinion out there again#and it was a few times more than id like in a row where my random thought posts where torn apart by arguing people needing to prove im wron#the dragons where something i just absolutely loved in botw#they hold a special place in my heart and i dont like the thought of them too being just yet another sonau thing#i feel more secure posting my thoughts here than on twitter#but still i dont want to sound overly negative so i will hold back from now on#unless im exhausted and overly tired and not feeling that great physically like right now i guess lol#ill just have to grit my teeth and try to ignore everything i dont like but everyone else loves like always#anyway i need some sleep#ill be fine after that i think#and then try to resume work on destiny and a commission i havent had the energy to get to
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like on one hand i understand why people don't like subira at first, but i'm also getting tired of seeing people shit on her without actually getting to know her. and i know how that sounds, but she's literally fine. like yes death to cops but the in game order lady isn't the evil witch come to kill zeki and reth that everyone thinks she is. and they would know that,, if they did her quests,, or at least spoiled themselves and looked at the wiki,,,
it's getting embarrassing honestly
#spoilers#like Please just look at the wiki aldghlj#like trust me i understand the initial hate cause i didnt trust or like her at first either#but then i looked at the wiki to see what was going to happen#and realized it wasnt that bad#and then i did the quests and realized she's literally fine#like the order absolutely still sucks imo but she's fine#seeing hate when she first came out was chill and expected#seeing hate now after people have had every chance to get to know her and the quests is just embarrassing#if you dont want to see spoilers then dont keep reading these tags#but she Literally says that she doesnt hate zeki and that he's just being controlled and manipulated by the cartel#which he is!! that's literally what he tells us!!#she literally says that at most he would just have to pay a fine like my guys#and she doesn't know about reth at all#and by her lvl4 quest she doesnt trust the order as much and starts to doubt them#LIKE#she's not even evil! she genuinely believed in the order's mission but she changes her mind once she's presented with them being assholes#and again she's not even trying to hurt zeki or get him in trouble!! he's gonna pay a fine at most!! that's all!!!#and from what we have seen from her i genuinely don't believe that she would be against reth#she would absolutely feel bad and it could even end up being her wake up call to how the order's mission isnt good#and people would know that if they took the time to read her wiki or do her quests#but instead they make bad jokes about 'how dare people like the hot older lady who ends up being really nice and caring grrrrr'#like ajhdgljdag#begging you guys to just read the fucking wiki dude#its not really spoilers if you have no intent to actually do her quests#it gives the same vibes as when people say that reth is super boring and just the dumb cook because they havent gotten to know him#like this whole game is about lore and secrets and characters not being what they seem#im not saying people Have to like her but i am saying you look silly when you hate on her without doing her quests#yeah the devs actually just told me you can only hate her or make jokes about hating her After you complete all her quests#sorry guys :/
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Fuck it im still pissed at TOTK’s story and butchering of the franchise. If there’s a god TOTK’s story elements will be forgotten forever. I never want to hear the work “Zonai” ever fucking again and Echoes of Wisdom better completely disregard it the same way TOTK spat on the rest of the series
#to be fair I think if they were clear from the get go that BOTW (and following stuff) were a different timeline it wouldn’t suck as much#but they HAD to put so much elements of past Zelda in BOTW and it’s lore only to COMPLETELY shit on it in TOTK. fuck that.#Skyward sword you deserved better im sorry I’m so sorry babygirl and don’t fucking get me started on OOT#AND GANONDORF#anyway#my stuff#I’m a big TOTK hater tbh#I have never been absolutely disapointed by a zelda game before and it sucks#Motherfucker I’ll defend Zelda 2 before I do this one
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Marvel: This character from this other thing is also gonna be in this thing and this thing which means you have to watch this thing and also this other thing to understand them and also these individual movies are building up to the plot of the next Avengers team up which will lead into this thing and this thing which will have this character and this plot thread which means you’ll also have to watch this thing and—
Me:
#marvel#marvel critical#i’m begging you to stop sucking the joy out of the individual sub-franchises by making each of them about The Next Thing#maybe i don’t WANT shang chi to get bogged down by the universal plot#maybe i don’t WANT to see characters you’ve ruined for me also start showing up in other things and ruining those for me too#maybe i don’t WANT every last little thing to be the most important thing ever#can i have some PEACE and get a nice story with the characters i like without the trappings of the entire rest of the universe stuck to them#follow black panther’s lead please. in fact maybe just let ryan coogler do everything from now on.#every piece of news or rumor that i see for the mcu moving forward is absolutely exhausting#i want this to stop#@marvel remember when you cared about individual stories in the first couple of phases? because i do every day
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I assume 17 is the Alethi/etc age of adulthood? Because of 17 on Roshar being roughly equivalent to 18 on Earth and also because of Shallan being 17 when she does All That but also Sadeas is 16 in ob 3 committing crimes against humanity with zero parental supervision whatsoever so it’s like ???????
#I’ve always had it so Dalinar and Sadeas first hooked up when they were 21 and 18 respectively#just to make things feel absolutely comfortable in my brain#I think Sadeas had a thing for Dalinar from the moment he met him but Dalinar sort of slow burned from#’this is a fucking infant’ (when he’s 18 and Sadeas is 15) to ‘I need to suck him sloppy style posthaste’ (when he’s 21 and Sadeas is 18)#and it was very gradual. but hey there may come a day when your brain finally lets you process#that your best buddy states very intently at your naked torso when you’re changing in front of him#and you’re like does….. does sadeas….. Like Me? 😳 and then you’re a blushing mess for like 10 minutes#until the thrill kicks in and you forget about cute boys and start thinking only of murder#luke.txt#i have lost the plot
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tilly is doing too much to be a cadet goddamn
#if i hadnt even GRADUATED yet. and i had to work on an experimental mycelium network. during a war. and then be transported to a universe+#where everything absolutely sucked and had to pretend to be a captain. and then have to calculate how to come back from that au by riding a+#mycelium wave from an explosion whilst also not frying the ship & killing all my crew mates. and then find out we overshot coming back to+#our timeline and we have LOST THE WAR#i would tell saru to drop me on the nearest planet and leave me to forge a new life#there is absolutely NO concept of like. work grades. on the uss discovery#why do they have a CADET on the mushroom engine. girl where are yhe lieutenants. the ensigns even#when i first starting watching i also thought it was CRAZY that stamets is just a lieutenant#he should be a lt commander at least#tilly is so brave#star trek#star trek discovery#sylvia tilly
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I really am so sad I don't like isat. The themeing was very good
#isat critical#like the ''we must be prepared for the destruction change will bring'' shit came back so hard at the end#specifically with loop context/destroying themself to become a star. to become loop#and the fact that when siffrin deviated from the script. finally changed the way he performed his play (act 5)#that's when it broke#and he had to ''destroy'' his friends to do it. In a way. When all he knew how to do was fight/snapped#and it's like. of COURSE loop is how siffrin was able to escape. Because escaping the loop meant siffrin had to save/love themself#value their own life and not just their friend's#to realize that they couldn't do it on their own. that they needed their friends to help them out of it. they needed support#that being loved was more than saying the right thing or doing the right quest#isat is so strong structurally/thematically/plot-wise and I personally despise it comedically/character/dialogue writing-wise#and the whole game is dialogue. like isat is the most conflicting experience I've had in a while#Where I hate actually reading the dialogue and I don't like the character writing but I love thinking about it's themes. like hello#that sucks i'd rather have it just be one or the other#*aaravos voice* you must live life in the grey#Like the king and siffrin foil is my beloved. And I absolutely adore how the King's story was ended.#But I dislike siffrin as a character and I also hate most of the game's execution#like every emotional beat is made anticlimactic by the lack of subtext and the constant repetition#(literally laughed out loud at ''my house my country my HOME!'' like we said the same thing 3 times babe. the whole game is like this)#isat has a huge case of ''we wanted conflict but didn't give characters any real flaws to be able to do it''#idk. Everyone repeated over and over that they don't touch siffrin because he's uncomfortable with it. Over and over.#And yet he's still like. ''It's because Isa finds you disgusting'' Huh. Idk if we did the work for Siffrin to come to that conclusion#Like literally Isa never does anything to even imply that. All he's ever done is sing Sif's praises. makes me feel crazy#Like ''oh he views everyone else as just a character!! a pawn!'' except no he doesn't. he barely did in act 5#and even in act 5 he's horrified at how he treated odile. like. we did not commit to that. I got sad lukewarm flowey#Do not even get me started on odile's ''I think it's so cute you trapped yourself in time and went crazy because you love us''. Girl#Like no we can. We can commit. Siffrin did bad things and going crazy was bad. Odile wasn't wrong to be upset.#Like why not 'That was terrible of you to say. But I won't leave you—you still love people who make mistakes- because what else is there?'#like we got so close with the worst loop being the permanent loop. Siffrin is still loved no matter what. But idk. Felt brushed off#oh isat...you strange being...
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forreal tme and tma is kinda dumb. thats like the terfs saying amab and afab as misogyny exempt and misogyny affected. exactly like them! why do we do identity politics so lazily?
#theres a middle conversation here thats so important#it just sucks that they insist this is all some kind of privilege?? fuck you cis white girls!!!#its a loss of life to be excluded from the experience of misogyny while experiencing it full blast like this#when i got my nose broken that was transmisogyny alison#when you defended me once on the street#from a stranger who very politely told me hey do you mind and i said whats up#and he said the world isnt ready for your outfit and i was like yeah but wig lol#and ALI ABSOLUTELY STARTED SCREAMING AT THE GUY ADDJSKKEJSKS#i was just in skinny short shorts and a skimpy pink striped top#mightve had a bra on who knows#short short hair i had done a buzzcut that spring#AND HE WAS RIGHT AND I APPRECIATED THE INPUT FFS LIESEL COME ON BITCH#CUT YOUR HAIR ALREADY I KNOW THE WORLD ISNT READY FOR IT BUT MAYBE YOU ARE YOURE A REALLY CUTE BUTCH#SORRY I SAID YOU LOOK LIKE A LESBIAN AAAAAAAAA
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something distinctly sad & frustrating internally about watching someone go through something chronically awful & similar on the face of it to your own horrors & wanting to reach out and talk to them about it to offer support & knowing that by nature of the similarity that is almost definitely the last thing they want/need & so you have to sort of watch from afar and psychically beam your words at them and hope it clicks soon
#the paradox of never wanting to be a burden. of becoming someone that doesnt annoy anyone#is that you feel guilt for talking about the pain with others#and so. you falsely but understandably think isolation will be the perfect solution#''if i isolate then im suffering but if no one hears about it no one cares and no one is bothered so i win''#is a fundamentally cruel take. is the thing. and it is so hard to accept that because of the guilt and the feeling that there is no winning#but the thing is when you isolate and suffer people are now both worried about you and feel discarded. feel hopeless. etc.#and i dont think you should do everything for others. and i think when you are making choices for others it is worth being#realistic about what you are deciding for them and knowing when it is irrational#bc the thing is people do care and that does feel uncomfortable#and you do feel guilty for people being ''bothered'' by your suffering#and i understand the instinct to say no! the point of me isolating is so you dont feel bad about me! stop caring!#thinking this is the righteous thing to say to someone when really it is just something that hurts to hear#i'm still learning it too. i'm not perfect at it. i'm chronically suicidal and always going back and forth with myself about all the horrors#two things:#1) guilt is not absolute as an indicator of rightness. learn to recognize when it is lying to you.#2) the best way to unburden yourself to others is to not kill yourself. to find hope or curiousity or whatever will keep you alive and#grab it fiercely with both hands. to start to be kind to yourself when it's hard and to at least recognize the goodness of others#instead of cruelly dismissing them. i don't think therapy is the only answer or even the best answer. i think too much is too expensive#to suggest anything that isnt something you can do on your own#and it is fucking hard and feels impossible and you'll have a lot of bad moments with it but like. i know you can get to a place where#you're not cured but you're not cruel anymore. and it gets easier from there#ugh none of this will ever get to that guy but i just really wish him the best and ill respect his wishes and not think abt it anymore#but just for the record that does hurt bc i care about people and it sucks when im not allowed to but thats his perogative and#he is his own person and i just really hope things look up for him soon bc hes cool and has nice art
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hm am i going insane or is it just november
#is my life falling apart or am i just 27#it's dark at 4pm and i have no life when i'm not working#😵💫😵💫😵💫#and my career plan sucks#it's unrealistic and i can't afford it and teaching pays absolute shit#but its the only job i dont suck at that won't drain my soul or kill my body#so i want to go for another associate's or (kill me) a bachelor's#bc i NEED a job that is full time and pays actual money so that i can get my own car and start my daycare business#and i cant do that without a minimum of an associate's in early childhood#they wont let me work full time as anything except maybe a pre k aide without an associate's in ece#and that job may never become available#but with an associate's i could be lead in prek or kindergarten i think or full time as an aide in any grade#and substituting just isnt reliable enough and there's no benefits#tho the pay probably isnt that different by the hour i dont get enough hours rn so#ughhhhh#im gonna take one class in january bc its all i can afford and idk how hard it will be w my current job#then hopefully the next semester i can do two at a time from then on while still working as a sub#or hopefully by then i can at least be an aide part time and a sub the rest of the time#but anyway 😵💫#its all so expensive and unrealistic just to get qualified to get paid not very much lol#and i wouldn't want to work at any other school than the one i'm at either#so while being more qualified will make it easier to get a more permanent position there it still wont open up my job prospects beyond that#anyway why does the world always start ending for me in november lately#how am i supposed to have myself a merry little christmas in these conditions
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i really do see the value of being a hater and i really do think everything deserves to be criticized, but i also do think it's better mentally and better for art as a whole to spend more energy focusing on propping up stuff you love instead of relentlessly tearing down stuff you hate.
#dichromaticdyke.exe#we get locked into the negativity bias and start assuming everything is bad now because of constant “x sucks and here's why”#there's always bad stuff bro. there's nothing exceptional about the amount of bad art or media these days.#there has always been bad art it just didn't survive because shocker! it was bad.#of course the majority of the classics are considered you know uhhhhh good because you're gonna save good stuff not bad stuff#i'm not gonna stop anyone from being a hater you absolutely can freely hate stuff as much as you want i'm speaking on the broader internet#calling popular book or popular movie garbage can be cathartic for sure but it's not going to have a massive effect on wider perception#popular things are gonna be popular#idk i just find more worth in propping up niche/obscure/underrated art that you do really enjoy#i think it's better and more productive to share the things you love with others especially when they're unlikely to find it themselves#but that's me
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#this is what I get for hyperfocusing on a currently airing canon queer ship to cope with life stress#instead of decades-old queerbait/non-canon#i want so badly to be able to focus on Oliver’s quote about wanting a bi hoe Buck phase if Buck and Tommy were ‘on a break’#bc I’m pretty sure that was the interview he said they were filming masks so he should’ve already known?#and it was also the one where he talked about overcoming obstacles in their relationship#and bi hoe Buck phase before getting back together would be#i don’t want to say the only good outcome. I’ll get over the shock and it’ll hurt less and I’ll see other okay options#but it would certainly be the best#but the things Lou is saying. and the way it feels so shoehorned in.#i am not insane (coughs. definitely not vagueing any section of fandom.)#and I’ve also been destroyed by hope twice in three days now. one obviously more globally significant than the other but.#yeah.#sometimes Ted lasso was wrong and it is the hope that kills you#i want to cling to that possibility but in the face of the episode itself I don’t think I can#it was obviously a last-minute thing for absolutely no narrative reason#and there’s no reason to shoehorn that in to create a getting together arc. there’s no reason to do that suddenly and impromptu#from either a narrative or a network perspective#honestly it’s not even entirely the breakup itself for me#i mean don’t get me wrong that sucks so bad on so many levels#but it’s the implication in Lou’s interviews that Tommy’s just gonna disappear now#he was fully enmeshed in the firefam and getting more and more so. he’s Eddie’s good friend!#that was a big part of what made it a good relationship but it was also just. really nice for Tommy#and I love him and I will be particularly devastated if the show just cuts him cold now#and everything Lou said like. makes it make SENSE from his perspective. in a way he obviously had to work for to be able to do it#but it still doesn’t make it a good or narratively satisfying breakup#or rather a good or narratively satisfying conclusion#specifically for Tommy!!! it makes it a decent and justifiable midpoint to a character arc about learning to be vulnerable#which is a really interesting arc you could do with Tommy! actually based on what we know about him!#if you hadn’t told Lou to go back to SWAT!#started typing these in an attempt to get the emotions out and instead I’ve just added irritation
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Man. I do love when the character is Scared and fucking MAD ABOUT IT. Going from crying and cowering to snapping and biting the MOMENT a hand is extended to them. Trying to help them or otherwise just work with them somehow and the entire fucking time they're kicking and screaming and complaining and being disparaging and stuck up and just kind of a brat about it. ASSUME HARMFUL INTENT BY DEFAULT, get THEM before they GET YOU‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ And NEVER trust a helping hand ESPECIALLY when it feeds you.
#i worry a lot about moe being a difficult character and i absolutely just. mani just fucking sucks ass. no saving that thang#but then it's like. i was just so completely and utterly endeared to sissel. captured my entire heart#THE SMUGNESS TOO. THE SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS. the NEED to have complete control to Protect everyone#and just. having extremely short sighted ways of doing it. the way sissel is still so painfully childish drives me insane.#just added the esp when it feeds you part and realizing how ironic that is w sissel bc that's Literally#how laios was able to win a little bit of trust. HOWEVER. this is me talking. from the heart.#either way something is just Up w me tonight i guess i've just been crying on and off about it LMFAOOO#in my fucking feelings..... whatever man ....#my biggest takeaway here is i can make mani worse.#maybe even still beloved... there is a chance......... it could be possible.#i'm also just extremely fucked up about sissel like. if it wasn't obvious. everything about him is driving me insane actually.#the mother/child imagery/motif. the fucking lion. i cried tears of relief when i saw#that the gang did put sissel in a bed after it all. like i could not fucking relax until i knew where he was#and i so. sooooo deeply and desperately just wanted someone to put him in a bed. for gods fucking sake.#don't even get me started. on everything else.#i'm just never gonna recover.#moe tag#mani tag#<- tagging them bc IN SPIRIT. this post is also about them
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*long, deep, belabored sigh*
#discourse#<- except not really bc i am vagueing#idk im just tired. and sad#for a lot of reasons. some of which are i think v much not the reasons other ppl are mad rn lmao#like. yes it has problems yes i wish it could be better yes this absolutely sucks shit#and that is all v much part of the reason i am tired and sad#but the constant neg abt every aspect of the server also has started grinding on me. well always has i think im just reaching a limit#bc i like it! i do! theres good parts and i like them a whole lot!#idk it just rubs me the wrong way bc even if i do agree with a lot of the criticism whenever it comes from this side of the community#it always kinda feels like its in bad faith to me. like its in desire to watch it burn first and actually improve anything second#and its just like. argh#and like on the flip side. god i love this server but why does it have to be run by a guy who is the way he is#negative#yeah i think this needs that tag too lmao#idk ive been thinking abt taking a break for a little bit here and i dont think i am#mostly bc it would involve unfollowing 90% of my mutuals and i dont really want to do that#but i just wish casually sticking around like this didnt also involve. all the bullshit that comes with being in this fandom(s). lol. lmao.#anyways. i am going to go eat dinner
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