#absolutely insane to me how little support i got even from friends

[rainbowtvz]

once again thinking about that rape and murder anon i got months and months ago and how nobody really seemed to give a shit that somebody sent that to me. its making me really paranoid and distrustful. i even sent in a confession anon to a selfship confession blog about it and nobody even so much as liked the post when it came up. like, hello? you are fostering those kinds of people in our community? the least you can do is go "im sorry that happened i hope they fuck off" or something. like.. bystander effect is real i guess.

[mayspicer]

Mmm nothing like a good old full blown panic attack, I haven't had one in years. This time at least I have access to medication to make it stop a lot faster, but I have 6 pills left for the next 2,5 months and the recent trends in my mental state are not looking good.

[avelera]

hi, I hope you don't mind me coming to kind of vent in your inbox (please toss this out if you do) but I was reading your post on the contrasting way Viktor and Jayce view their first meeting and it got me thinking about how some people just sorta brush aside Jayce's suicide attempt here as being somehow pathetic or an overreaction to what they consider a slap on the wrist and I kinda get really mad about that perspective because I don't think people really follow through on what the trial actually meant for Jayce and what the consequences reasonably could have been. people seem to think he was just embarrassed by the trial without understanding that that kind of reputational hit can be, and clearly was, ruinous.

setting aside entirely the emotional/psychological repercussions of having the thing he'd dedicated roughly 2/3's of his life to taken away, his very public trial ended with his own mother making an insanity plea on his behalf and his extremely wealthy and influential sponsor dropping him like he was radioactive and the actual ruling body of the city declaring him dangerously incompetent. do any of those people who deride him for the suicide attempt actually take the time to think about what that outcome means for him in a social and professional context? he jokes to Caitlyn about working in his family factory but honestly, it is entirely within the realm of possibility that the fallout of the trial has made him a social and professional pariah and his reputation is in such dire straits that he may be entirely unemployable within Piltover, perhaps even to the point of being toxic to his own family business if they take the reputation hit by association with him.

it's not actually hyperbole or an overreaction for him to stand in the wreckage of his life and think his life is over, to be at a complete loss as to how to move forward or come to the belief that moving forward is impossible and despair, especially if he doesn't have a support network which he pretty clearly doesn't. his only connections appear to be his mother and Caitlyn and, for obvious reasons, they're not viable at this time.

he was drowning and Viktor threw him a lifeline and he spends the literal rest of the story trying to return the favor.

Sorry for the delay in responding, there's a lot here I want to address.

First of all, I absolutely agree. I think people underestimate just how much that trial left his life in wreckage. That said, there's a few points I'd like to add some nuance to from my perspective, along the lines of YEAH THIS WAS REALLY BAD and people underestimate how much Viktor did for Jayce with his vote of confidence.

(This is gonna be a long post y'all but I have a LOT of thoughts and feelings about Jayce here so buckle up if you do proceed.)

1 ) The Kirammans dropping him as his patrons is absolutely devastating. It's actually the moment I think I hated Cassandra Kiramman for the most, which was turning Jayce away from her door at his lowest point, and cutting him off from Caitlyn, who seems to be his only friend before Viktor. I think it also demonstrates just how severe the crime was that she did so, by the way, I don't think she was just being cruel for the sake of it. But the fact that in 1.04 she's then showing off Jayce as an accomplishment of her house is particularly infuriating as a result. It's also no exaggeration to say that the Kiramman rejection was the final straw for him. After that, he decided to take his own life, so Cassandra would have been, in my opinion, directly responsible for his death (ironically saving her own life down the line, but then Arcane S1 is a series of hinging butterfly effect moments) if not for Viktor.

2 ) One layer of nuance I wanted to add to the Kiramman rejection in particular that you mentioned is the idea of him working at the Talis hammer factory because I think about this a LOT.

I do want to push back a little on the idea that he wouldn't be able to make a living for himself at the Talis hammer factory. To me (as someone whose family has a family business, though I don't work for it), it was never in doubt Jayce would have been able to work there the rest of his life. It might have been the only place he could get a job in Piltover, in fact, at least one with any sort of prestige or intellectual pursuit attached (basically, with anyone attached or graduated from the Academy).

However, I think Jayce would have had to work in a non-scientific part of the factory, either out on the floor or in the back office. And this is what I've been wanting to address in meta for a while now.

Caitlyn asks him what he's going to do next and Jayce says, "Work for the Talis hammer factory, I guess?" and she exclaims, "You can't do that!"

I think the nuance missing from your point that I'd like to add my view of that scene to is that Caitlyn is essentially saying, "That would kill you."

I get the very strong impression that Caitlyn and Jayce bonded over being members of their family who wanted bigger things than what their parents wanted for them. It's basically there on the page in this exchange.

We explore directly that Caitlyn wants to be a detective instead of working in politics like her mother, and pursues her dream despite adversity and her mother's disapproval.

But I think from this exchange and the one Jayce also has with his mother Ximena, we can glean that the Talis's also wanted Jayce to work for the factory, the family business, instead of going to the Academy to pursue his dream of magic.

(Also as a person whose family has a family business, that I don't work for, that has their own career and faced a lot of consternation from my family in my desire to be a writer, I feel this one very keenly.)

Jayce to me reads as someone who had to fight his family all his life to avoid going into the family business, in his pursuit of something greater.

With the Hextech dream taken away, all that's left to him is his family business, the thing I'd argue we have evidence that he's been fighting to avoid his whole life. It doesn't inspire him. It's not what he wants.

Joining the Talis factory would kill him. And that's what Caitlyn points out, and that's when he realizes she's right and goes to finish the job by his own hand instead. Further evidence I would say that working for his family business would represent a death of the soul to him, such that a physical death is preferable. But since his family built the business, and his mother clearly has reservations about his pursuit of magic, I think we can safely say he's been feeling similar pressures to Caitlyn to conform and join the business instead.

3 ) Now to go back to Viktor, I think this is another reason that Viktor literally and spiritually saved Jayce's life. Jayce outright says to his mother that if his own family won't believe in him, he'll find someone who will. Whether you read Viktor/Jayce as platonic or romantic (spouses are family, after all, which is how I read it), Viktor is Jayce's family from that point forward.

But Viktor doesn't bring Jayce back from the brink just by believing in him at his lowest moment (which is so powerful it can't be underestimated, btw) he also gives Jayce a bit of tough love too just when Jayce needs it.

Like many children of privilege (I'd firmly put Mel in this category, since she too is "trapped in the family business" I'd argue), Jayce saw himself at rock bottom after he lost his patron, the benefits of his House name, his family's support, his research, his equipment, access to his one friend, his access to the Academy, and his reputation.

Viktor points out that he never had any of those things growing up.

I think this is a welcome slap in the face for Jayce. Viktor rose to be the Dean's assistant on ability alone, without any of the scaffolding of privilege, and it humbles Jayce just when he needs it. Viktor is telling him that Jayce already has everything he needs to succeed and that others like Viktor have gotten further with less.

So not only does Viktor give his vote of confidence, he materially shows Jayce there is a way to achieving his dreams without all of the things he just lost.

Not only that, he's won the respect and assistance of someone who has done it before, someone who admires him for what he's done, someone who will help him make this dream a reality when no one else would.

Of course Jayce dedicated his life to Viktor after that. Of course he saw Hextech as their shared dream after that. I'd argue that of course he saw his life as belonging to Viktor after that point, because Viktor saved it.

[sir-myst-cake]

First post on here and it's a rant!! If you want more cool takes you should totally follow me as I'll be posting here more often and have totally cool art to share‼️‼️

I'm not completely sure how to tag this? I'm talking about the ships in a positive light so I think it's okay, and besides, I want lots of peeps to see it, I'm aware I probably won't change many people's minds at all, but it's okay lol, I just want Anti's to see they genuinely have a nothing burger and need to leave people alone.

This is a mostly TikTok only problem regarding Beast x Ancient's (thank god) but I've seen my fair share elsewhere like on here. So lemme counter every argument I've seen so far cause you got a lot of time on your hands to be telling people to off themselves over Cookie ships 😭 put that hate into people who actually deserve it.

BILLFORD COMPARISON

Regarding ShadowVanilla specifically, people have compared the ship a lot from both sides, but what really got me is what I've seen here:

"Shadow Milk Cookie is way worse than Bill! He drove Pure Vanilla to insanity! He tortured him!"- This is in regards to how people bring up the fact Anti's are fine with one thing but not the other when it's basically the same thing they're against. Psychological, physical, mental, and emotional torture. I'll be honest I haven't watched Gravity Falls whatsoever, but my friend has, and from what she says, yeah Bill is the definition of a cruel and unusual punishment. He's done some crazy things, absolutely heinous, might even be a little worse than Shadow Milk or on the same level, either way though-

You can't like one thing and then not the other, it's different flavors of the same thing, it's hypocritical. Either you hate them both or you hate neither.

"Those are 2 different fandoms!"- Doesn't matter, it's the same thing, just different media, it's not different whatsoever aside from the universe, there's much torture involved on both ends.

ABUSER X VICTIM

This one I've seen A LOT and I'm just ??

"If you ship Beast x Ancient's you support Abuser x victim btw"- That's a STRETCH. You are reaching FAR. Nobody is romanticizing the abuse, nobody is normalizing it, it's stuff that happened in canon and we acknowledge it but nobody is doing any of that other stuff. I'm not condoning anyone in real life to do that shit lol. It's called exploring, they have an interesting dynamic, romantic or platonic, two sides of the same coin. You can say the same thing about horror movies, they put a lot of disturbing stuff in there. Do the movie producers CONDONE any of that stuff? Obviously not. Goes for Devsisters too, they don't condone body mutilation yet they still made Burning Spice rip off Cheese's wings.

But even so, for the people who DO like it for the angst, I won't say fiction doesn't affect reality because it does in many cases, but this isn't one of them. Not every relationship is going to be peachy and perfect, just like in real life. I can give an example on this one too actually.

GoldenLily, they aren't condoning what Lily (technically) did to Golden Cheese's kingdom, but they like it for all the potential, complicated feelings and emotions that come along with it.

Also, that's basically the same thing with Beasts x Ancients, just turn it around to enemies to lovers.

"This isn't Villain x hero, this is abuser x victim"- Are you saying MOST of media is abuser x victim then? This is in fact a typical hero x Villain trope, it's nothing new. Respectfully, you guys freak out when a Villain does villain stuff, I'd be surprised if there was a villain who DIDN'T cause any trauma for the opposing party. But according to this logic, media is just dead, no more fanfiction, no more what ifs, no more content since it's all apparently problematic and not canon. Even if somebody switches stuff up in an AU, and makes things completely fluffy, that's apparently still not enough.

"oh you had to make an AU to ship them because you know it's toxic"- No, it's just playing around with scenarios. Learn to separate fanon from canon. This specifically goes for the redeemed AU's I see of the Beasts, people still complain, they act as if people can't change. One of the biggest examples I have of that is FlutterCord, Discord did plenty of messed up things, but in the end, he still managed to change. You'll still get burned at the stake for it though.

"You must be an abuser yourself to condone this!!"- Extremely disrespectful and a WILDDD take. Need I say more??

"I ship Beast x Beast rather than Beast x Ancient's"- According to your logic, the Beasts are abusers right? And if we followed the same story, they are not mentally well whatsoever. You'd rather ship 2 dangerously mentally unstable characters together who'd just make each other worse? Destroy each other? Fuck each other up beyond belief? It doesn't make sense does it, nor is it fair for y'all to praise these ships but hate on the others. You like watching the cookies crumble huh 😭

CANON

"The ship isn't canon!"- We know that, everyone should know that. With what I said earlier, please learn to separate fanon from canon. That's what a fandom is, we do non-canon stuff, it's very fun, you should try it.

"It's a Proship/Dark ship!"- Going the canon route, Beasts are Eons old, Ancients are thousands of years old. Big gap yes, but nonetheless all of them are old as fuck. Older than bloodlines. Treating the Ancients as if they aren't grown adults. You're intentionally trying to make it weird. Stop calling ships you don't like proships please.

Also a little off topic but please don't listen to everyone you interact with on TikTok?? I remember one time I was scrolling through a comment section and saw somebody say "Doesn't Mystic Flour Cookie hate Burning Spice Cookie?" On a MysticSpice vid, looked in the replies, somebody asked for proof/where it was implied, and they didn't answer 💀 just blatantly spreading misinformation. Sources around you are way more reliable than people who don't back up their claims.

CONCLUSION

Even despite all this, you still have the right to feel how you wanna feel. Just please stop harassing people for simple stuff like this, in all honesty, I feel like it's more about seeing one of your favorite characters shipped with somebody who hurt them in canon that makes peeps upset. Which I can totally understand because I used to be exactly like that, I LIVEEEE for Dark Cacao Cookie, when Mystic Flour's update came out, I wanted her dead. Quite literally blocked someone because I couldn't stand seeing their MysticCao art. Hated what she did to my baby boy fr.

But then It started growing on me, over time, I just realized it was never that serious.

Even so, notice how I still didn't go out of my way to harass said person about it because I specifically didn't like it? It really is that easy. Block and go about your day.

I also suspect this because of stuff like this 💀

Love that person who replied, but it's not that hard y'all. We all can in fact, get along.

ANYWAYSSSS thanks to those who took the time read, I love you my pookies hope you have a good day or night💕💕

[pomefioredove]

Do you have any advice for writing Rook's character? I'm always worried I'll write the twst boys too ooc

mmm let me think

my absolute least favorite interpretation of his character is the loyal lapdog. I hate it with such passion that I won't engage with anything that makes him that. rook is eccentric and excitable and passionate about his interests, and none of that makes him "pathetic". reducing him to that dumbs him down, imo. he has also repeatedly shown that while he admires vil, he isn't bound by that admiration, and will disobey if he sees fit. he says he doesn't feel particularly committed to anyone in his suitor suit lines. he follows his heart, but he's aloof just the same

there's also nothing, to me, that tells me his interests are romantic in nature. if anything, what he says/shows tells me he's explicitly not romantically interested in anyone, whether that be vil, neige, or yuu. when I write rook, I don't lean on that crutch, because it doesn't exist to me. I don't read rook as a flirt, or a romantic. so I don't write him that way, either. rook admiring someone's beauty doesn't equal flirting. he's just autistic

so what I choose to focus on is understanding. rook is an intrinsically lonely character. he's very private, and guarded, and keeps himself at a distance from everyone. he's expressed that he doesn't get to talk about his interests much because people find that weird/annoying, and I think, as shameless as he seems, he carries a lot of shame with him. his friendship with vil feels unnatural, in a way, because he knows everything about vil (or, he thinks he does, at least, but this is also arguably not true), and vil knows almost nothing about him. rook enjoys supporting people, but is never supported in return. sure, he's extroverted, and eccentric, and surrounded by friends, but he never feels as if he can be his true self with any of them. supportive, but not supported. he's got that chronically lonely autism, which is something that has always really spoken to me about him

so, I don't want to write him as "the flirt" or "pathetically devoted loyal dog" because he isn't either of these things to me. rook is weird. he's also insanely withdrawn and lonely and sad, in a way that he doesn't really show. he isn't bound to anyone. he does his own thing. so I think his connection to yuu comes from a place of understanding. rook knows what it's like to feel lonely and isolated and like you don't quite belong where you are. he knows how it feels to always support others, but never be supported in return. he knows how it feels to have a mind that doesn't think like everyone else's, to be intrinsically "different" without even trying

rook is sympathetic. he's deeply caring. he's observant and a little mischievous, sometimes, but he's a good person. he wants to help. he struggles with being vulnerable because of how he's been rejected in the past. he's eccentric and extroverted but also emotionally sensitive. he can be difficult to understand, but he really is a good person

tldr um, I don't know, he's just got a lot of emotional depth people don't really write him with. and autism I guess is the big takeaway but that's hardly helpful. it makes sense to me. this is long and terrible sorry lol

[romanticintheory]

Okay but could u write something fluffy with soap. Tbh I feel like he'd be the best friend to lovers kinda thing.

AND YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT i love friends to lovers so much guys u don't understand :(

also, i realize now that this isn't super fluff-heavy!! apologies </3 i got carried away.

johnny "soap" mactavish x gn!reader

warnings: horrid scottish slang from a non-scot (i am sincerely sorry), my writing from 2 am on three hours of sleep (also sincerely sorry)

-

-best friend to lovers with soap except there wasn't really a specific moment you two become each other's. it just... kind of happened.

-growing up with him and supporting his dreams to be a soldier while he supported yours. the first time he came back from a mission, you were the first person he wanted to see once he was allowed back home.

-you used to fuss over any injuries he got from being himself as a little kid, and the worry only heightened when he'd come back from missions with real wounds.

-his mom would always have a cheeky smile seeing you two together. she never said it, but it was always hinted in the way she acted. she was always talking to johnny about how you were such an impressive and loyal young person, often doting on you and insisting you stay for dinner (which, of course, you couldn't refuse).

-the first time johnny started dating someone, it was hard for you to deal with, but it got easier the more it happened.

-what you didn't know was johnny would take it even worse whenever you told him you started dating someone. he'd act all proud and protective in a brotherly fashion, but behind closed doors he was scowling to himself without knowing why.

-one day, you're visiting him in his apartment after he had been away for a few months. you're strangely more subdued than usual, and of course he notices.

-"hey," he calls to you softly, a strange contrast to his usual loud self. "what's wrong?"

-"nothing, don't worry about it," you reassure him, fiddling with the little plushie he got you from his travels--one of the many trinkets he's gotten for you. he always says it's to make up for the fact that he won't be there to bother you in person, but it's actually because every precious little thing he sees reminds him of you.

-"ah ken you're lying," he tells you in a warning tone.

-"i got broken up with, is all," you admit, turning your head away from him.

-"what?" he booms incredulously. how could anyone leave you? "is he insane? after getting an apartment together?"

-"there was this girl from his work and, well, i don't know," you shrugged, fighting back the tears you thought had dried days ago. "he wants the apartment. i mean, he did pay for more of it so-"

-"come live with me."

-it was your turn to be in disbelief, turning your head to face him with a confused look on your face.

-"what?"

-"th' place is empty with me at work. no rent, 's away from yer stupid ex, and ye get to be around me," he added jokingly. you rolled your eyes, but how could you not take him up on his offer?

-from then on, you're living with your best friend and taking care of the place while he's away. if you're staying rent-free, the least you could do was try and be as neat as possible (he insisted it was okay with the place looked like it was lived in, but you refused).

-when he'd come back from his missions, he'd still shower you in little gifts he'd get along the way when possible. you always tried to have some kind of meal ready for him, too.

-"you're always cooking for us, a'm feeling like i should do it sometime," he says, already knowing the answer to that proposal.

-"absolutely not." (the one time you let him cook was when you were both in college. he caught a pan on fire, somehow.)

-"you hurt me!"

-"oh, please."

-eventually, the routine becomes more and more domestic to the two of you. soap's mother always calls out how you two are living like a married couple, but the both of you just laugh it off like neither of you have noticed.

-you eventually notice changes in johnny's gifts. it went from gag gifts and plushies to little pieces of jewelry or intricate pens. sometimes you even think you catch him staring at you, but maybe it was just wishful thinking. he hasn't mentioned being interested in anyone in a while, either.

-it all comes to a head when johnny doesn't come home the day he said he would. sure, it happened at times, but this was the longest amount of time he's been late.

-eventually, he finally walks through the door with too many injuries, a bruise on his lip, and walking with a rough limp.

-you tend to him immediately, of course, interrogating him on what his doctor told him he should do to take care of his healing wounds. the rest of the night goes just like how the others have gone, with you making sure he's fed, warm, and resting.

-by the time you're closing his window for him, you're absolutely exhausted. you had barely gotten any sleep because of johnny's delayed return. normally, you would've let him do more for himself, but the extent of his injuries was worrying you.

-"ye ken am alright, aye?" he asks you in that low, rich voice, searching your eyes for something other than worry and sleepiness. he's sitting up in his bed by the time you walk back to him (despite the fact that you told him to lay down).

-"you're injured. you came home late."

-"what? ye have no faith in me?" he mocks hurt, trying to put a smile on your face or at least get an exhale of amusement out of you, but you weren't in the mood. he could tell by the way you didn't respond and the permanent but subtle frown on your face.

-"i know you're good at your job, johnny," you finally say, ready to call it a night.

-"good. then ye know i'll always come back home to ye, aye?"

-you swallowed the lump in your throat and nodded, too tired to overthink about what he just said.

-"come here," he orders quietly, reaching out to you.

-gently, he coaxes you into laying next to him. the last time you ever slept in the same bed as johnny was when you two were kids. you were having a sleepover at his house with you in his bed and him on a spare mattress. you had a nightmare so bad it woke johnny up, but instead of brushing it off and making a joke of it, he jumped into bed with you and hugged you protectively. he said it was a good way to train for becoming a soldier, and you couldn't help but snort with laughter.

-just like back then, you had an easy time falling asleep in his arms, now.

-you woke up that morning well-rested and still encased in johnny's arms, which was impressive considering the fact that most times he sleeps in a position that looks like he flung himself across the bed.

-when he wakes up, you sit up with the intention getting breakfast up and running, but johnny doesn't like that idea.

-"johnny, it's almost eleven. we have to eat something," you chide, trying to get out of his impossibly strong grasp.

-"ye get all sad when am gone but yer trying to leave, now?"

-"well, i suppose if you're well enough to joke, you're well enough to clean the rest of the house and cook, yeah?"

-he lets go of you immediately in a comical fashion, and you have to catch yourself as you hurl out of bed from the built momentum of your escape. you look back at him with a seriously? look on your face as he laughs at your near fall.

-"doesn't that hurt?" you question him, remembering the bruise and cut near his lips and throat.

-"maybe a little," he admits. "kiss it better?"

-the grin on his face makes you think he was setting you up for that one. how could he be so confident?

-just like the times when his mother called you two a married couple, you laughed it off and headed to the kitchen to start breakfast.

-that wasn't the only time johnny's behavior changed noticeably. now, his longing stares at you were more blatant than ever. he'd hold you by the waist if he was moving past you and even told someone flirting with him "oh, i've got someone at home," while he was on call with you on the other end.

-what more could you do than accept it? it wasn't like you didn't like it, anyway.

-one night, you're both in the dining room with you standing and him sitting down on a chair. his hands are on your waist with his legs on either side of you as you reapply a band-aid to his temple (something he could very well do on his own, but any excuse to be close to you, right?).

-as you finish putting it on, your attention draws itself to his lip nearly healed. gently ghosting your finger across the barely visible bruise, you murmur, "good to see this one's basically healed."

-"awe, but it isn't," he corrects you, a slight pout on his face.

-"it isn't?"

-"no, still hurts like hell." you should've seen this one coming. "kiss it better?"

-"that's the second time you've asked me," you were rolling your eyes as you withdrew your hand from his face, but he caught your hand in his.

-"am being serious, (n/n), only a kiss'll make it better," he insists, that damn smile back on his face.

-you couldn't help but wonder if he was actually being serious or just pulling your leg.

-"how could you be so sure?" you challenged him.

-"seen it in ma dreams." oh, that was a funny one.

-"you dream about kissing people to heal your wounds?" you ask through the remnants of your laughter, but he's still looking at you with that same far-off smile on his face.

-"no, just of you."

-there's a pause between the two of you as you process what he said.

-"oh."

-he squeezes your hand with an expectant look in his eyes, like he knew you were head over heels just as much as he was for you.

-you cleared your throat and tried to ignore the searing burning in your cheeks. "well, i guess if you dreamt it, it must be true," you tell him.

-he places his unoccupied hand under your chin and guides your face to his, but he doesn't close the gap. it was like he was waiting--making sure you really wanted to go through with this.

-but you do, so you press your lips to his and he lets go of your face to put his palm on the small of your back, pulling you impossibly closer toward him.

-later that night, when you're back in his arms watching your guys' favorite show and he's calling his mother to tell her the news, you can hear her shrieks of excitement coming through the phone.

-the only thing you don't hear is when she asks, "when's th' wedding?"

-"soon, hopefully," he looks at you leaning against him, head pressed against his shoulder and arm clinging to his like it was meant to be. "but there's no rush. a've waited this long, aye?"

[melobin]

it’s our one year anniversary!! and it’s absolutely surreal to me how much we’ve grown over the past year. i love melobin so much, i adore being here and i adore being able to share things with all of you and i can’t wait to share more of the things i have planned !!

the past year has definitely been a little rocky LFMAO i’ve been through three url changes and more than one silly ot6 accusation exposing post but i’m still here ! and i’m still adoring and supporting riize as a whole. it’s been a few years since I’ve found myself as in love with a group as i am with riize and im so incredibly grateful that i got to meet so many wonderful people because of them. from mutuals to anons to just people who interact with my blog, i really adore and appreciate you all, more than i can express in words. i’ve taken a few breaks in the past year, all mental health related but you’ve all been so understanding and i cannot thank you enough for that.

it’s quite overwhelming that melobin has gained over 3.7k followers in the past year, i never really expected much other than a few people to talk to when i first started my blog but im so happy with the little community we’ve created here and i can’t wait for it to continue 🥺 i truly adore you all.

the melody and friends discord server has been a highlight of melobin for me !! i love that server and everyone i’ve met through it, i wanted to create a community that was welcoming and comforting and friendly and i truly believe i’ve done that.

not to be too soppy but there’s definitely some people i’d like to personally thank for being here this past year.

@kkurokitty my jaye !! i love you and everything you do so much. you were there when i first created melobin, we had our little taerae pfps and urls 😭 things have definitely changed a lot since then but you’re since as wonderful as the day we met all those years ago and im so thankful to have you.

@leejeongz amy ☹️ not even god knows how much you mean to me. everyday we speak i feel like we’re closer even if we’re a whole train ride apart. having you back in my life has been one of the best things to ever happen to me and i can’t wait to see you again. manifesting riize come to the UK soon so we can go and see them together. forever the moon to my stars 💔 i love you so bad :(.

@rishimuras melomiu <3 i’m so glad tals forced you to join my server the day it was created. it’s insane to me that we’ve been friends for almost a year now because i still feel like the same girl who was scared to message you whilst also feeling like ive known you for years. you’ve been a big part of melobin and my life for the past few months and i adore you so much. i only ever wish you the best and im more than ready to take on anyone who threatens that. i love you !!

@01zfan parter in crime i fear … the only person im honoured to lose 100 lp with in one day after spam playing tft with our little duckbills and dowsies. i was your biggest fan before we ever spoke and i remember almost doing a (metaphorical) backflip when i found out you already followed me 😭 your writing has changed me as a person and im so thankful to have become friends with you over the past few months. we fight the ot6 accusations together and we get you to plat SOON. i love you !! 💖

@tsandoll bunny !!!!!!!!! i love you !! you’ve been such a support for me with melobin and i can’t thank you enough! i love our little roblox games and the amount of shit we talk, i’m always laughing whenever we talk it’s almost impossible not to. you understand my humour so much and even when you don’t you still laugh .. true friend !!! i really hope soon you can feel better and feel like yourself again, i love you 💗

@sonjuyeonnie i wish i knew what blog to tag .. my fake text proof reader .. but seo i love you you’ve been such a sweetheart to me since you joined my server and i’ve been nothing but proud of you since then. you’ve accomplished so much and im so happy to see you thriving in life. i know we haven’t been able to talk much lately because of work but never forget how much i adore you and how im always here 💖

with some other people .. @antoncore my cee, you’ve grown so much in the few months we’ve known each other and i’m forever proud of you and i can’t wait to watch you grow more, i love you !! … @bbina my smau queen, btl changed me as a person and i’ll always support you in every smau you write even if i don’t know the idol you’re just TOO good. you’re so lovely and sweet and funny i luv yewww !! … @wonbin-truther the prettiest girl !! you’re so sweet and funny and so so talented, your sohee smau was pure GOLD i loved every second of it and i love seeing you pop up in my dms with the most random message, i fear i love you so bad 💔

there’s definitely others and i do adore all my mutuals so much !!! you all mean so much to me and i can’t wait for melobin to grow more. to one year and many more ! 💖

[cosmicdahlias]

dude i need to rant for a sec

the red dead community on tiktok is so fucking toxic. it’s full of all the -phobics and -ists like i’m not even exaggerating. people post about l*nching lenny, calling javier slurs, calling bill the f slur, and saying that the racist guy in saint denis gained “+1000000 aura points”, and all kinds of shit. hell i can’t post a single goddam tiktok about being attracted to arthur without some cishet chud losing his mind that a fat trans person likes their favorite video game cowboy. i’ve literally gotten called the t slur like it’s insane. like it’s starting to put me off from posting shit on tiktok because every time i get a new comment notification i dread opening it.

and ik it’s not a problem in every community because the gravity falls fans literally have always been so kind to me for my ford content. i guess that just comes down to who the main demographic is. like gf mostly appeals to queer and trans folk whereas red dead (unfortunately) attracts white cishet males. afab, queer, trans, and bipoc red dead fans absolutely do exist because i’ve interacted with them and they’re all lovely but idk the gross straight men seem to be the loud majority.

what’s so painfully ironic is how little they understand red dead and it’s progressive themes. the gang practically lives in a commune, arthur supported women’s rights to vote, if you kill the racist in saint denis you literally don’t get a bounty, and the game encourages you to kill klansmen. plus roger clark literally said “trans people are people” and “terfs ain’t got no friends”. i understand that roger doesn’t speak for rockstar or what arthur would be written as supporting, but the fact that his voice actor went out of his way to support trans people should say enough.

i’m done i’m literally so fucking tired

[thebearer]

Okay, I feel like Teddy would have broken bones throughout her childhood for sure. But like, imagine Carmy and reader being so worried when Teddy gets hurt each time, and like the one time when she breaks or injures something and she needs to have surgery for it how freaked they are about it and like Tina, and Richie and everyone is there waiting for her. And Teddy would totally beg Marcus to make her all the desserts for her while she recovers. Thanks! I got a little carried away, lol.

i feel like teddy, yes. like ofc she's accident prone (she's literally just a ball of energy lol) but imagine this... it's willow.

like willow is so calm and sweet, but she's so clumsy too. and for some reasons she's always the one getting hurt. mainly bc teddy is so rough with her, not even intentionally, like she's just more fearless and wild.

they're jumping on the trampoline, and teddy is going absolutely insane bc a trampoline??? fuck yeah. and she's bouncing with little four year old willow, who's trying to keep up but her sister (in classic older sister style) has double bounced her like seven times. there's a net and you're watching, warning teddy each time she gets too wild, but then it happens- in seemingly slow motion.

teddy bounces willow, who flies for a second, before falling back on her side, extending her arm to brace her fall. you hear the pop! and then a shuddered breath before willow is wailing, her arm hanging by her side, bone sticking against the skin.

you're nearly lightheaded, screaming for carmen, trying to get willow off the trampoline carefully. teddy is scared to death, of course, and is sobbing too. and carmen is so overwhelmed, walking out frantically to your scared tone and two sobbing babies.

you spend your night and most of the morning in the er, each holding a crying child trying to console them. they tell you willow's break was bad and she'll need surgery, which makes you want to cry now too. carmen looks like he might genuinely pass out because the thought of his baby going to surgery???? he's horrified. needs his emotional support pepto asap.

they get her in pretty easily, and your family and friends (most from the bear) come to see her, bring her gifts and things afterwards. willow is terrified, bright eyes just wide and skittish when they tell her she's going to take a nap and come back with a cast.

carmen opts to be the parent in the waiting room, agreeing to follow all the procedures just to keep her calm until they get her under because willow would not go back there without him.

you're smothering her face in kisses. "daddy's gonna go with you, and he'll be with you the whole time, wills." you coo, smoothing a hand down her hair. "you'll get a pretty blue cast on, and then me and teddy and everyone can sign it for you. and marcus will bring you cupcakes. how's that sound?"

willow is sniffling, shuddering breaths that have your heart breaking but agrees. carmen hugs you and teddy good bye before going with them.

you're thankful richie is there, a sentence you never thought you'd say. your thankful he brought eva to keep teddy distracted, and that he could talk to a fucking brick wall if he had to. thankful he was there to keep you distracted so you didn't keep checking the time.

willow comes back, still asleep, all bandaged and wrapped up in a sling. carmen looks like he might need to throw up, which he does, but he's relieved.

willow spends the next night in the hospital, surrounded by toys and balloons and flowers- and of course, marcus brings her cupcakes.

she gets her cast eventually, and carmen draws on it for her with a sharpie. it wasn't very good, in his opinion, a little difficult to sketch with the cast material and a sharpie but willow seems to love it. giggles loudly when he shows her the various animals he'd drawn for her.

teddy enjoys it too. especially because with the influx of "get well soon" toys, she gets to play with them too. opting to "help" willow, of course, since her arm was broken. willow doesn't seem to mind, playing with her free hand with her sister, and you're just happy she's feeling better.

[hier--soir]

may + june + july reads

the strange case of dr jekyll and mr hyde by r. l. stevenson [★★★★]

"Though so profound a double-dealer, I was in no sense a hypocrite; both sides of me were in dead earnest; I was no more myself when I laid aside restraint and plunged in shame, than when I laboured, in the eye of day, at the furtherance of knowledge or the relief of sorrow and suffering."

: ̗̀➛ a london lawyer, mr utterson, investigates strange occurrences between his old friend dr henry jekyll, and the evil edward hyde.

: ̗̀➛ a horror classic! coming in at a sweet 96-pages, it was easy to smash out in an evening. and despite the brevity of the text and the fact that it's over a century old, i found it insanely compelling and indeed pretty chilling at multiple points.

: ̗̀➛ there are some ridiculously funny lines in this. i believe he named the evil character hyde just so he could drop this banger: "'If he be Mr. Hyde,' he had thought, 'I shall be Mr. Seek.'"

: ̗̀➛ henry jekyll my sweet summer child, you flew way too close to the sun with this shit.

: ̗̀➛ "You must suffer me to go my own dark way." BARS.

babel: an arcane history by r. f. kuang [★★★★★]

"The poet runs untrammelled across the meadow. The translator dances in shackles."

: ̗̀➛ opening in the year 1828, a young boy from canton is orphaned by cholera and brought to london by a mysterious professor. he is trained in latin, ancient greek, and chinese, in preparation for the day he will attend oxford university's royal institute of translation - babel. the tower is the world's center for translation and silver-working, the magical craft that has so far brought unrivalled power to the british and supports the empire's ongoing colonisation of the world. but what happens when it is discovered that britain is pursuing an unjust war against china, and robin realises that serving babel means betraying his motherland.

: ̗̀➛ this book left me absolutely speechless. upon starting it i was immediately ashamed at how long it had taken me to pick this up considering all the hype. serious thanks to @seventeenpins for recommending this to me recently, you are the best for putting me onto this.

: ̗̀➛ beautifully crafted, incredibly intelligent, great central characters. i don't even know how to put into words what i felt about this one. and as someone who consumes a fair amount of translated literature [see: my love of ancient greek and roman classics] it tickled my interest around the biases and intricacy of translation so perfectly. you need to read it. please.

: ̗̀➛ have to include: "It should have been distressing. In truth, Robin found it was actually quite easy to put up with any degree of social unrest, as long as one got used to looking away."

: ̗̀➛ have to include #2: "So then where does that leave us? How can we conclude, except by acknowledging that an act of translation is then necessarily always an act of betrayal?"

: ̗̀➛ and absolutely cannot not include this iconic PBS diss: "He greatly enjoyed Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, though he could not say the same of the poems by her less talented husband, whom he found overly dramatic."

paradise rot by jenny hval [★★★★]

"But my dreams are full of apples, and in the dark my body slowly transforms into fruit: tonsils shrinking to seeds and lungs to cores. I dream of white flowers blossoming under my nails, as if under ice. Then my nails break, opening up like clams and in the finger flesh there are little sticky fruit pearls."

: ̗̀➛ jo is in a strange new country for university, living in a house with no walls, a roommate with no boundaries, and a home that seems increasingly more and more alive.

: ̗̀➛ so much piss in this one folks.

: ̗̀➛ jenny hval is a norwegian musician and this was her debut novel, and it was bizarre and haunting and disgusting and made me cringe and feel squeamish at many points, and yet i read it in one fell swoop. it grips you for 120-odd pages and when you're done it feels like you've been spit out disoriented.

mrs s by k. patrick [★★★]

"When she is not around, I invent her. When she is around, I invent her. It is not her fault."

: ̗̀➛ an australian butch lesbian travels to england to work in an elite boarding school, where she meets mrs s, the headmaster's wife. over a hot, restless summer, the two engage in an affair.

: ̗̀➛ i enjoyed this one decently enough. the writing style grew a bit tiresome, and the storyline seemed quite laissez-faire, but overall yes i enjoyed it. what can also grow tiresome for me is the woman-on-woman affair when one of them is married to a man - but maybe i've just read too much queer lit with no foreseeable happy ending lately, idk.

: ̗̀➛ the way the dialogue was structured [or perhaps, unstructured to a painful extent] was not my cup of tea at all.

: ̗̀➛ i was really tickled by her living in an annexe so close to the school nurse, who is very religious. the dynamic gave way to great passages like this: "I imagine her, at night, sending prayers my way, so sweet as to be malicious. In each of our interactions there is always the feeling that I would do better under her God. I don't mind her God, so tangible. The sexy Jesus in her bedroom. His body I too would die to have. Not just the chest but the legs, a footballer's legs, complex with muscle. Even those sad, raised palms. Brazen in their injuries. Such glamour." like hello??? incredible.

grey dog by elliott gish [★★★★]

"You called me a dirty little beast, and I have become as dirty and beastly a woman as there ever was."

"What is that quote from Othello, what Emilia says about men? They are all but stomachs, and we all but food; They eat us hungerly, and when they are full, they belch us."

: ̗̀➛ a 'literary horror novel' set in 1901 about the unmarried and almost 30 'spinster' ada byrd who accepts a teaching post in a small isolated town. she wants to be rid of her past, one 'riddled with grief and shame', but upon witnessing strange and grisly sights, ada begins to believe that something ancient and beastly is behind all the peculiarities in this little town. her confusion deepens, and ada's grip on what is reality, delusion, or traumatic memory, begins to blur and fail.

: ̗̀➛ body horror, gore, the horrors of being a woman, witchy business, descent into madness, women longing for women.

: ̗̀➛ because the entire text is written in first person diary entries, i found that it sometimes failed to establish a creepy atmosphere. although this issue was more prominent for me in the first half, while in the second half the diary entries acted as a great insight as to how unhinged she was becoming. slay.

: ̗̀➛ imo this is simply what happens to a woman when she is raised by a heinous father and ends up an adult surrounded by too many sexy older women!

the sleepwalkers by scarlett thomas [★★★]

"How many eyes can one storm have?"

: ̗̀➛ still reeling from the chaos of their wedding, evelyn and richard arrive on a tiny greek island for their honeymoon. it's the end of the season and a storm is brewing on the horizon. they check into the villa rosa, which has a peculiar owner named isabella, and everyone wants to talk about the famous sleepwalkers, a couple who stayed at the hotel recently and drowned.

: ̗̀➛ saw a tagline that coined this as 'patricia highsmith meets white lotus' and i'd agree. good mystery thriller with some action.

: ̗̀➛ this one was a touch slow at first [it's told in letters, dictated audio recordings, from different perspectives, etc] but ultimately gripped me and i thoroughly enjoyed the drama and mystery. newlyweds that hate each other's guts? yeah, bestie, i need to know why.

: ̗̀➛ i really got into some of the takes showing how evelyn and richard viewed each other. this really stuck with me: "I read infrequently, partly because every book change me, right down the level of my DNA. I didn't want to be changed so often. But you were able to hoover up contemporary culture without so much as a little belch afterwards. You just carried on being you."

: ̗̀➛ also let me fucking tell you, there was a line in this book that made me drop my kindle and GUFFAW in shock. page 88, HELLO. evelyn girl you kill me.

the drift by c. j. tudor [★★★]

"These days death had been laid bare for what it really was. An ending. Often brutal, seldom fair, rarely kind."

: ̗̀➛ a thriller-esque, horror-esque book about a deadly infectious virus, and the attempted survival of three seperate groups trapped in isolated circumstances in the icy wilderness. [this one is so hard to describe sorry]

: ̗̀➛ the book is told through three different pov's. i normally despise this but i actually didn't hate it in this case, although i did have favourites.

: ̗̀➛ boyfriend asked me to read this when he finished it and then watched me from across the room the almost whole time, pretending not to be staring whenever i looked up. and he was right, it was fast-paced, had some good twists and turns, and was enjoyable, albeit very different from what i normally read.

what have i done? an honest memoir about surviving post-natal mental illness by laura dockrill [★★★★]

"Put me out of my misery. I feel like a killer on the loose. I need to turn myself in."

"Or the one of New Mum having champagne and cake with the girls. Another doing 'date night' two weeks before her six-week check, like, 'Yes, we still have sex!' Mum is fitting back into her clothes; Mum is making papier-mâché piggy banks; drinking enough water; shaving her armpits; reading a bedtime story; going to a gig; playing peekaboo. Mum is keeping up with her favourite TV shows; reading the Booker longlist; being a good friend; making a healthy yet tasty cost-effective-probably-vegan meal; recycling; giving baby massage; sterilising. Mum is getting rid of her pregnancy knickers when they are the only knickers she truly likes; doing her taxes; walking the dog; donating to charity; freezing bananas; learning Japanese because why not? ... Oh look! Mum is abseiling down the Shard and still finding the time to express and write a blog about the whole experience."

: ̗̀➛ a memoir about a first-time mum's experience with post-partum psychosis, and her survival.

: ̗̀➛ this book was a heart-ache of a read. honest and raw and devastating and uplifting. often very very funny -- "People told Hugo, 'Don't go down the goal end, mate; it's like watching your favourite pub burn down.' Oh ha. Ha. Ha." -- i couldn't put it down.

: ̗̀➛ the end did start to feel a touch self-helpy which isn't necessarily my bag of tricks when it comes to non-fiction, but those inclusions felt warranted and fair after such an in-depth depiction of everything laura had gone through.

: ̗̀➛ serious mental health trigger warnings for this one. there is plenty of humour, but it gets very dark.

the death of jane lawrence by caitlin starling [★★]

"She dreamed of tearing out a rotted pit inside of him where his martyrdom resided."

: ̗̀➛ in an alternate version of victorian-era britain, jane shoringfield is seeking a marriage of convenience that will allow her to continue working, with all the benefits of being a married woman, and she finds this in dr augustine lawrence. however, he has one condition - she can never visit lindridge hall, his family manor outside of town, where he himself will sleep each and every night. but on their wedding night, an accident strands jane at the door in a rainstorm, and in place of her husband she finds a terrified, paranoid man who cannot tell reality from nightmare. by morning he is himself again, but jane knows something is terribly wrong at lindridge hall.

: ̗̀➛ i picked this up looking for a fun, spooky little read, but am sad to say that i absolutely did not like it. the characters were fickle, the plot twists were unsurprising and revealed poorly, and the storyline was all over the place. sadge!

: ̗̀➛ sold itself as a gothic ghost horror, but didn't live up to that at all [for me!] heavily inspired by crimson peak, and it doesn't care if you know it.

: ̗̀➛ also - when your 'independent strong female' mc marries a guy who lies constantly and makes up bullshit and every time she confronts him he boo-hoos so she forgives him immediately cause he really is a nice man?? womp womp.

: ̗̀➛ also also - way more cocaine in this than i expected.

my book rating system is as follows:

★ = i felt pure contempt the entire time

★★ = yeah it's a book

★★★ = i liked it!

★★★★ = good fucking book, damn

★★★★★ = blew my dick clean off and i'll throw a tantrum if everyone i know doesn't also read it and love it

if you want to share a book you love with me, please do! i am always looking out for new recs.

[alloftheimaginesblog]

feelings {peter parker tasm}

plot: you and peter have been friends since you were both knee height, now that you're both mid twenties you're busy navigating life and also the fact that you're both hopelessly in love with the other.

character: peter parker (tasm) x reader

requested by anon

Aunt May had always had her hopes for the two of you. She could see it coming from a mile away, honestly. She had raised Peter and had practically helped to raise you too since you were always over at the Parkers' house from when you could talk. She watched as you and Peter's friendship blossomed, watched as you helped each other through school, dealing with bullies and crushes and exams. She watched as Peter got and lost his first girlfriend and watched as you supported him through the loss of Gwen. He was there after your first relationship ended in turmoil and tears. She watched as you both got jobs and got places in college, both busy and yet both still making the effort to see each other. She watched as neither of you realised but you both started to fall in love. She had always known that there was something there.

She had tried to tell Peter just to help guide him to you when he was seventeen but Uncle Ben had told her to stop meddling in their nephew's life. "He'll figure it out in his own time, May. They'll realise soon enough." So Aunt May dropped it and continued to watch from the side-lines with a secret smile every time she saw the two of you.

Peter's leg was tapping away as he worked, he could never sit still, "You good, Parker?" You asked him. You were both busy with essays for your separate college courses but you always liked to work together. Ever since you were little you liked doing homework and the likes together. There was something about his presence, it calmed you and helped you focus.

Peter rubbed at his eyes tiredly, the stubble from neglecting to shave for the last few days was a feature you quite liked about him. Hope he keeps that beard, grows it out a bit more maybe. You frowned when you caught yourself thinking it, okay weird. He was your friend - your best friend - nothing more, nothing less. "I'm fine," Peter sighed, breaking you out of your thoughts, "hungry though... Wanna go for lunch?"

You laughed, "Think you mean dinner?" You teased, showing him the time on your phone, "We've been at this for hours."

"Shit, really? Wow... I better give Aunt May a call, let her know I'm okay. You know how she worries."

"Can you ask if I can come for dinner-"

"You're coming." Peter said, deadpan, as he called her, "Hey Aunt May, it's me. Me and (y/n) have been studying and doing essays since 11am and now it's nearly 5pm!" Peter's face scrunched, "What? No. We were writing essays - just writing essays."

You packed your bag as he finished his conversation, "She must've had a drink of something strong," Peter said as he hung up the phone, "She was convinced that we weren't studying. She kept hinting that we were doing something else like making out or something like that! Insane, right?!" Peter's laughter was loud and you didn't know why that hurt so much. Is it so awful to even think? Am I that unappealing to you? You forced a laugh as these thoughts spun through your head, "I mean, that's insane, right?"

"Absolutely." You nodded, smile falling as you grabbed your bags. Why did you care so much? You had no idea. You didn't know why you were so hurt by his comments. Peter was your friend, that was all... right? Surely there wasn't anything else there, right? Right? You cleared your throat, "Uh, you know, I actually forgot I have plans to get dinner with my family today, Pete." It was a lie and Peter could tell. He always could tell, he didn't need enhanced senses to know when you were lying.

"Oh," he frowned, "Are you okay?"

You nodded quickly, "Fine, yeah. I gotta go though, I'll see you later. Give May a hug from me." Quickly you darted out of the library before he could ask you anything else. Peter watched you go, confused and a little hurt. You had lied to him and that upset him more than anything. Why were you lying to him? Had he hurt your feelings? Peter didn't know but he was going to figure it out.

You had been avoiding Peter a little bit for the rest of the day. You were just trying to clear your head. You'd come to the realisation that you liked him... a lot. You didn't know when the feelings started or why today you were realising it but you realised as you couldn't stop thinking about him. You couldn't get Peter and his dumb laugh and stupid haircut out of your head.

Peter had been calling and texting you for the last few hours and was barely getting a response so he knew where you'd be. He knew that when you got upset and things got overwhelming, you'd be on your apartment buildings roof watching as the sun set. You knew that he'd find you, you didn't mind, you knew that sooner or later this conversation would have to happen.

He found you in your usual spot, sitting with a blanket and some coffee, "Hey," he said quietly, offering you a smile and extending his hand to show you his peace offering, "god you a donut from Sal's that you love..."

With a smile and a 'thanks', you took the donut from him and began to eat it. He sat beside you, stretching his legs out and dropping his bag to the side, "I think we need to talk," he said after a few moments.

You nodded as you finished your donut, "Yeah," you said, clearing your throat, "yeah we do."

"Look, I don't know what I did earlier but I'm sorry-"

You didn't know where the sudden burst of anger came from but the words were being yelled from your mouth before you could even realise, "Is the thought of being with me so repulsive?!"

Peter jumped back, taken aback, "Wh- What?!"

"Earlier!" You snapped, jumping up making him stand up too, "You thought it was hilarious and insane when May suggested we be together! Here I am realising that I care about you and you say shit like that- Shit." You slammed your hand over your mouth, whirling away from him as your heart hammered hard in your chest. You hadn't mean to explode like this but he'd really upset you earlier and you just couldn't keep it in.

"Are you saying that you've got feelings for me?" Peter asked, voice soft and gentle; calm despite his racing heart and despite your previous tone, "(y/n), speak to me."

"I-I-I don't know!" You wailed, head in your hands, "I don't know! I- I think so? I mean, I've just been feeling stuff that I never normally feel and I look at you and I get literal butterflies. I thought that shit was made up in Disney movies but I find myself smiling when you say my name, I feel excited when you smile at me... Yeah," you laughed incredulously, "I'm saying I've got feelings for you."

Peter was silent for a few seconds as he took in all of what you just said and then he said the most heart-breaking thing he could've said, "Oh."

And there it was. Peter's reaction. Oh. Your heart sank. Of course he didn't feel the same, of course he didn't. Why would he? The two of you were best friends so of course he didn't see you like that and now it was all fucked. You had just ruined your two decades long friendship over developing feelings for him. If you hadn't told him, if you'd have just shut up and kept quiet then you wouldn't have fucked everything up; things would be normal and you'd both be happy.

You pulled back immediately, putting your walls back up to save yourself any further embarrassment or upset, "I'm sorry, uh, never mind! Ignore everything I just said, it was a joke! Ha! Got you..." You gave a pathetic attempt laugh as tears burned at your eyes, "It was all just a joke!" Peter seemed to come back to reality as he saw you were getting upset. He said your name but you were shaking your head telling him to forget it, it was all a big joke, a laugh, it was fine. Peter knew that it wasn't a joke, he knew that what you'd said was real and he felt awful about upsetting you.

"(y/n), stop," he said loudly, cutting you off of your 'it was just a joke' ramblings, "I'm sorry for saying 'oh' I was surprised that's all! It wasn't a negative reaction or me rejecting you."

You looked at him, cheeks burning and tears slowly making their way down your cheeks, "Then what does it mean?"

"It means... holy shit, I can't believe you have feelings for me. I never thought you'd see me like that!" He grinned widely, "I've had a massive crush on you for forever."

Your jaw dropped. He had a crush on you? "Then why'd you say oh you stupid oaf!" You hissed but the corners of your lips twitched upwards.

"I-I was surprised! I never thought you'd ever like me back!"

"Of course I do," you said, "Pete, you've always been there for me. Always been so kind and you're so funny and... I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner."

He smiled at you, "I didn't think you'd ever feel the same... You're way outta my league, you always have been." He sat on the stone wall, patting it so you'd sit next to him, "We've been through a lot together, haven't we?"

You laughed, "You could say that again."

Silence fell and all of a sudden you were fifteen again crying into Peter's arms after your first boyfriend broke up with you for someone else. Then you were six and fake marrying Peter whilst Aunt May shook her head laughing. Then you were twenty getting into college and celebrating, ending up hungover and crashing at Peter's apartment for a night. Then you were eighteen finding out that he was Spider-Man and fainting from the shock of it.

He nudged you, breaking you out of your thoughts, "So what do we do now?" He asked quietly.

You shrugged, "I guess you take me out on a date," you suggested with a smile, "that little Italian place downtown. The one with the garlic twists."

"A date?" Peter smiled, "I can do that."

You looked at him, turning your body to face him, as his brown eyes caught the sun. You'd always known that he was handsome but my god, it was like you were seeing him in such a different light. The way his eyes looked like dark honey in the sunlight, the way his lips quirked upwards, the way the wind tousled his hair to perfection.

Peter couldn't take his eyes from your face. "God, you're so beautiful," he murmured quietly, eyes going between your eyes and your lips, "Can I-"

You cut him off by pulling him to meet your lips. It didn't feel weird. It didn't feel unnatural or anything like that... It felt... normal; right. It felt good. It was a simple kiss, only lasting a few seconds, but it was the best kiss you'd ever had. It was so full of emotion, so gentle and sweet and soft and you just melted into his embrace.

When you pulled away, neither of you could keep the stupid lovesick grins from your faces, "Aunt May is going to have a field day with this one," Peter laughed softly, "she's been trying to get us together for years."

[billskeis]

im begging make more fluffs anout tom like jealous and sum or idk PLSSSS

ᡣ𐭩 tom is jelly and silly

laughs and cheers filled the room as the five of you attempted to complete the challenges of the game show. partnered with bill, you were tasked to do silly little activities such as cup pong (with water ahem) or darts.

yours and bill’s chemistry were insane!

although not officially apart of the band, you were known to be a close friend of theirs from their childhood. you met the four of them while they were still known as devilish and have been with them ever since.

it never came to mind that you wanted to date any of the members, especially tom.

oh how he was always constantly flirting with you behind closed doors, that being the both of you knew how paparazzi is and how crazy their female fanbase was. it was just too risky to do anything.

not only that but, you just didn’t really like him like that, or you believed so.

you and bill cheered as you successfully completed the task once again, on a winning streak against tom, gustav and georg. gustav and georg moped and whined claiming that the two of you ‘cheated the system,’ but tom was standing there, farther away from the two of them crossing his arms and staring at you.

bill pulled you into a hug which you excitingly reciprocated the embrace, jumping around in joy at how the two of you were just that good during the game show. you got along with bill so well, he was so sweet and pure.

“okay, and now a question for you bill,” the interviewer flipped the postcards to reveal the next question. tokio hotel was scheduled for a talkshow the day after to which you, obviously attended. however not in the interview, you were on the sidelines near the back of the stage, where people still had the ability to see you.

full attention is on the interviewer and bill while the rest of the room remains quiet, “i’m sure we’ve all seen the gameshow yesterday where it featured one of your close friends, y/n, is there something going on between you two? i mean—you seemed awfully close!”

it’s true, ever since that night the media couldn’t get enough of it, it begun trending the night of and the internet is going crazy about it. you begun to get tons of hate, but a good portion of the fandom supported it even though it wasn’t true. it humoured the two of you as you made jokes but really thinking nothing of it. you were friends is all.

everybody giggled and bill just smiled brightly, bringing the mic to his mouth, “nono, nothing’s going on me and—” “yeah actually it’s nothing so can we move on?” the mic was stolen in the middle of bill talking by no other than tom. he started intently at the interviewer to hopefully transition to the next new question wishing to divert to any other topic than this.

whispers filled the room, what was this outburst about? you had so many questions in mind you had nowhere to begin with.

the interview ended and bill was able to ease up the tension and awkwardness that had risen after tom’s intervene. he however had absolutely nothing to say and as soon as everybody said their goodbyes he left the stage without saying anything.

running, you skip towards tom who beelined for the washroom, grabbing his arm, “tom?”

he turned, looking angry almost, but his expression softened upon seeing you. thank god it was you and nobody else or he would’ve lost his shit.

“oh, hey, sorry you had to see that.” he rubbed the back of his neck with his arm, staring off into the distance, you moved your arm that was once on his shoulder to his hand, he intertwines his fingers with yours and swings your arm around playfully.

“is something wrong? you know you didn’t have to do that i don’t care what people say about me—” “but i do! okay?? i do, and it’s pissing me off that the rumours are..” he quiets down, looking at the floor.

you lean down to level your head with his gaze, what’s wrong with him why won’t he finish his sentence? “the rumours are what tom?” “about you and bill!” your eyes widen, this could mean one of so many things and you didn’t know what.

he now grabs your opposite hand and holds both of them, he straightens up his body to be fully directed towards you, looking at you with expectation and need. “i like you, y/n, and seeing you and bill that night drove me NUTS!! this is not how i wanted to confess..”

he holds his breath and waits for your reaction, your mouth was agape, body frozen. THE tom kaulitz likes you!?

“why?” you ask, “why do you like me?” “i-i don’t know! i just do, it feels right, y’know?” he brings one of your hands to his chest to feel his heartbeat. and man, when i tell you the pace it was going was FAST oh it was fast.

you feel your face heat up a bit, this whole confessions thing was new to you and tom was your first. all you could do was smile at him.

“so?” he asks, “so?” you repeat after him, “can we go out?” “like the five of us?” “oh my god y/n no just the two of us please i never get any time with you! “hmmm i don’t knowww me and bill were planning to hang out later,” “y/n! you’re making me crazy!” “so did your flirting!” “saying that you liked it?” “shut up tom!” he uses your hands to pull your body closer to him, hugging you and swaying you side to side.

if this was a start to a new romance, to which you, ahem, did not EVER have, it sure as hell felt good.

“finally! i couldn’t stand to hear him talk about her anymore! like cmon now we couldn’t even fully finish practice with him bringing her up!” georg complains and gustav agrees nodding, “aww don’t be like that i think it’s cute! my little brother who’s so promiscuous finally found the one!” “but you’re younger..” gustav chimed in, “shut up gustav.”

[mazzystar24]

actually the hospital wing joke is starting to bother me a lot more because buck actually fucking died 😭and he didnt even change clothes from being at the hospital all day why would you say that to someone. ik it was a fakeout but bobby looked like he was fr coding on the table. and like just a couple weeks before chimney almost died?? like im sorry i only accept those kinda jokes from people who have known me for years and even then they can be a little upsetting.

thats the thing though!!!! id be perfectly fine with buck and tommy if they gave us more than actual crumbs. 709 felt like buck had more chemistry with ravi in the same scene that tommy was in! they’re supposed to be dating so why do they feel like colleagues? and why are the more emotional and vulnerable scenes getting given to EDDIE if they want me to support buck and tommy as a couple? why wasnt tommy at the hospital with them considering he’s said multiple times he wishes he had a family like the 118 does? why are the only times hes on screen now only establishing his jealousy and that gerrard exists? is that the only reason why hes still here?

actually i wanna get back to 706. it wouldve been so easy to keep tommy there but they wrote him out of most of the episode 😭 he couldve said for the bachelor party! he couldve helped them find chimney! he couldve done literally ANYTHING. chimney was confused as hell as to why he even showed up at the wedding at all 😭 but no!!! they had him show up, ignore what buck wanted, then leave so we could have buck and eddie performing their drunk mating rituals or whatever 🤸‍♂️ but yeah buddie who?

also im never letting go of the wedding singer comment btw because what was that. why did they make tommy reference a movie where the two leads in the ROMANTIC COMEDY start the story dating the wrong people. i feel insane about it actually. also him calling buck evan will forever confuse me until we get an actual acknowledgement in canon because literally why

and the humor falls so flat but eddie has the same type of humor and it never does. he was making fun of buck in 706 (the making chimneys wedding about him line) but it never actually felt serious to me?

anyway sorry for yelling in your inbox i have a lot of mixed emotions about this season -birthmark anon

Yes totally get that like I’m the same like me and my best friend will be saying downright horrendous trauma jokes to eachother that make people around us clutch their pearls but I feel like it takes a certain level of rapport to get to trauma joke level - ig not everyone is the same when it comes to that but I think that again the writers absolutely failed to give us enough bucktommy scenes that justify having this kinda line

AGHSKF NOT THE BUCK /RAVI AHJDKFKF 😭😭😭 THIS IS ESPECIALLY FUNNY WHEN YOU SEE THE BUCKTOMMY SCENE AT THE CEREMONY VS THOSE BUCKLEY DIAZ FAMILY STILLS (still bitter the scene got cut) like someone explain to me why the actual couple is coming across less couple-y

ALSO FR THO THE SARDONIC ENERGY IS JUST NOT BEING BALANCED RIGHT like it’s coming across more 🧍

Like i can’t remember who I was talking to the other day but I was saying like this 🧍emoji just embodies Tommy to me

EXACTLYYYYY LIKE PURELY UNHINGED TO HAVE SUCH AN EMOTIONAL EPISODE AND MAKE NO EFFORT TO USE THOSE EMOTIONAL BEATS TO DEVELOP THEIR DYNAMIC BUT INSTEAD CONTRAST THAT WITH THE VULNERABILITY BETWEEN BUCK AND EDDIE THIS EPISODE

AHSJKF we going back to 7x06 and that’s so valid of us AGSJKF DRUNK MATING RITUALS AHJDKFKF STOP IM CACKLING

THE WEDDING SINGER COMMENT HAUNTS ME ISTG BECAUSE EVERY NOW AND THEN ILL REMEMBER THIS COSTUME DETAIL AND WAKE UP IN A COLD SWEAT:

THE CALLING HIM EVAN THING I LEGIT MADE LIKE THREE THEORIES ON RANGING FROM POSITIVITY TO NEGATIVITY

YES ABOUT THE HUMOUR like there just isn’t that balance or lightness to even the joke out, like I’m a big dry humour and sarcastic girlie but it’s just not being delivered right in a way idk if it’s the writing or the acting or just the fact its most his very small screentime but it’s just falling flat to me

Never apologise for yelling in my inbox babe and same for the mixed emotions

Love ya birthmark anon byee 🫶🫶

[wearentdelulu]

Into you: Jungkook x Fem Reader 🔞💚

Summary: Kook is one of the most popular faceless streamers in Seoul. He’s known for his flirting personality to his fans. Anya is one of them. She develops a crush on him over the last few months of watching him. How would she get his attention? What would he do once he gets it?

Author’s Note: this story does contain mature material and language. Also this story was inspired by (jamjars on AO3. The story 97.6!!!) I hope you all enjoyed :)!!

Chapter One~

“Okay that’s all for today guys, try not to dream about me too much. I’ll come back on tomorrow night so you all better be there. Especially my beautiful ladies….”

………….

“Don’t go? Oh you guys want me to stay on all night? I’m sorry but I need to wash up……unless someone wants to help me with that…” he says in a flirty tone.

He had no reason to sound that hot. It should be illegal. Every night at 6:30pm sharp Anya grabs her phone and sprints to her room to tune on it his stream. He plays these strange horror games and fighting games. She never been interested in video games, her little brother is a video game addict so she’s never cared about it. Until one day she came home from work to visit her parents house. They always begged to see her. Something about “don’t forget where you came from”. Gotta admit they were kinda clingy. After she greeted them she made her way to her brother Aiden’s room. He was sleeping, but his computer monitor was on. She walks in and followed the voice coming from the screen. And that’s when she hear him for the first time……

Kook is a very popular faceless streamer. He never showed his face, but Anya didn’t need to see him to know he was hot. The way his voice sounds in her ear makes her brain tingle. So that day she got Kook’s information and went home to do her own research on him.

Apparently he’s 25 years old and he’s in college just like her. He works out….boxing probably? He’s an extreme flirt and he loves to sing. She only knew this because he would say subtle things about himself that she mentally wrote down. The way he talks to his supporters makes it seem like he doesn’t have a girlfriend but…..who knows maybe he does.

But it wasn’t just about his looks or his voice that made Anya interested in him and his content. It was the he made her feel confident and secure. Anya was a very insecure person, I mean who wouldn’t be when you grew up with your old classmates calling you fat and ugly. Some people are just too cruel with their words. So of course she’s insecure and slightly depressed by the constant reminder of her body. Until Kook gave his viewers some advice on a situation similar to hers.

“Fuck anyone who makes you feel like shit. You’re human just like them who cares if you’re fat or skinny. Be you and be yourself and watch how miserable you’ll make them.”

She’ll never forget that. He’s right and ever since she heard him say that she’s seen life through a different perspective. No more excuses for letting people like that get to her. No more holding back her tongue. No more getting ran over. This was a new Anya. A version that was healing from past trauma and moving forward with her life.

She’s been a fan of Kook’s streams for only about seven months now but she feels like she knew him forever. I know that sounds absolutely insane right? But no seriously she does a lot of things he does on a weekly basis. It’s almost identical to her schedule….well except streaming. They have the same taste in music and love horror movies. He also mentioned that he goes to this gym not too far from where she lives, so does that mean he lives close? What if she seen him before walking home or what if she was next to him in line, but she wouldn’t know what he looks like only what he sounds like…..

She didn’t want to seem like she idolized him in a weird one-sized way. She’d leave the idolizing to Ariana Grande probably one of the most perfect people in the world. Anya’s friends didn’t even notice to subtle change in her behavior and appearance to. Yeah Kook even influenced her to dress differently. Before it was only yoga pants and random shirts with those stupid little words on them like “good vibes” or “keep calm and quiet” some bullshit like that, but now she since she found out that Kook likes the color black and he wears oversized clothing she just had to change up her wardrobe. It was definitely time to. She would wear an oversized black hoodie and a bucket hat…….yeah even in the summer time. Now she’s more comfortable and secure in her appearance.

She try’s to convince herself that her new interests aren’t weird. Following a streamer and basically knowing a lot of things about him made her realize that oh shit she has a crush on him. To be fair she’s been single for almost two years, and she just assumed that she’s a bit touch starved and leaves it at that.

It’s not until on a regular Thursday afternoon she notices the slight change in Kook’s behavior, and it left her feeling very anxious and fidgety. Normally Kook comes on stream with his witty charisma and bundle of energy. He throws in a few flirty remarks and starts the stream up.

“Yoo welcome back to the stream. Mmm look at the comments rolling in. Looks like you guys are needy today huh? Good thing I’m here to….satisfy those needs.”

That’s what Anya is used to, but today something is off. As soon as she got the notification she joined immediately and noticed the slight change in his voice.

“Hey guys welcome to the stream. Today we’re going to finish the last game we played yesterday….”

He sounded tired and annoyed like he didn’t want to stream today. He didn’t read a single comment it’s like he didn’t even look. As Anya chewed on her fingernails in worry she sees the comments talking about the change in his tone. He completely ignores it. In fact he hardly even spoke the whole time. The way he moved in the game looks like he’s dragging it. He’s a sore loser and he’s lost so many times now. One thing about Kook he doesn’t lose. She can hear the occasionally sigh that he lets out and she feels guilty. How can she help? What can she do?

Without thinking she goes through the comments and looks for his mods. He only had a few but he always would say that if we need anything we can ask his mod and they’ll help. She finds a certain mod by the name of JMochi. She’s never messaged a mod before so this all a bit nerve racking for her. She clicks on his name and decides to send a message.

“Hi sorry this is a bit strange but if you can please tell Kook that I hope everything is okay with him. He seems a bit down today and not his normal flirty, energetic self. Maybe I’m just speculating on my part and I’m sorry if I am but I really hope you pass on my message to him. Thank you again.”

Okay that kind of made her feel a bit better. Hopefully he-

JMochi: well hello there looks like someone noticed his behavior.

He replied back? She didn’t think he would and definitely not that fast either. She takes a deep breath and text back.

“Oh hi I didn’t expect a response. Yes I did notice his behavior and I’m a bit concerned. I’ve been a viewer for months now and I’ve never seen him behave his way.”

JMochi: yeah he’s normally not this much of a downer. I’m surprised someone else noticed enough to text me directly. I will definitely pass on your message. Is there anything else you want me to tell him?

She thinks for a moment. There’s so much she wants to say but right now she can surpass her eagerness and just be a supportive fan.

“Also that I’m a fan of his content and I love his streams. He’s amazing and I hope he knows how much of an impact he’s making in other peoples lives.”

JMochi: got it. I’ll let him know. Thanks Anya.

“Wait how do you know my name?”

JMochi: your username is Anya0901 very ironic that those numbers are Kook’s birthday.

Oh no he probably thinks she’s a complete stalker fan who has an obsession with him. This is bad really bad.

JMochi: don’t worry I won’t tell him about your

name I’ll keep it just between us.

She lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. That could’ve been worse than she thought.

“Thank you….yes please don’t tell him. I rather be anonymous. But if he asks for a name you can just tell him “A”. That would be appreciated.

JMochi: no problem “A”. Can’t wait to hear more from you.

Anya was freaking out over the text messages between her and JMochi. She didn’t want to come off as a weird stalker fan, speaking of she should change her username immediately. After a few minutes of having a mental breakdown Kook ends his stream without even saying goodbye. She worried about him and hoped that JMochi delivered her message.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ugh fuck this.” Kook says as he comes home from a long day from work. Everyday was pretty shitty but today was the icing on the cake. Kook works at a local Best Buy. In case you didn’t know he’s obsessed with technology and gaming equipment. Despite his asshole of a boss you could possibly say he actually likes his job, but he wouldn’t admit that out loud. To be fair he really doesn’t need a job. Streaming makes him enough money to pay his bills with no problem. And the fact that he’s a faceless streamer makes his audience grow even more.

It didn’t always start off with gaming for Kook. Growing up he was very active and athletic. Basketball, baseball, football, you name it and Kook has probably done it. Playing video games was just a hobby for him. You know coming home from practice just to hop on the game. It was his routine for so long. Since he graduated he had more time to play. His college classes were in the morning, so after classes he’d get on the game. Until one day he decides to make a streaming account. After creating his account he sets up his monitor and presses “go live”. He didn’t feel as confident as he normally did that day so he didn’t turn his camera on, and that’s when the viewers came in.

Kook then realized that he could possibly make a living just by playing video games. His channel grew rapidly over the years and he couldn’t be more happy for himself. The money was definitely a plus. He was able to keep up with the rent for him and his roommate Jimin. They’ve been living together since graduation and for a while it was hard for both of them to keep up with rent, until Kook started streaming.

“You look like shit.” Jimin says as he watches Kook come in the house. Jimin also streams but he’s more of a YouTuber type of guy. You know the ones who do those stupid staged pranks and vlog’s everything except for Kook. Jimin valued his privacy and never put him on camera for his sake.

“Thanks” Kook says not hiding the sarcasm in his voice. “I’m hungry did you cook?”

“What am I? Your wife?” Jimin says sitting on the couch tapping away at his computer.

“Hell no, what kind of idiot would willingly marry you.?” Kook replies looking through the fridge finding anything to eat. They just bought groceries how does the food disappear so quickly?

“You’d be surprised. You should see my DM’s. Women are obsessed with me Kook. Don’t be jealous.”

Kook ignores him.

“Are you streaming? You look extra mad today.”

Kook lets out an annoyed huff. “Work was shitty. My mom called me and told me my brother fell off his bike again. He’s in the hospital but he’s doing good.” He grabs some sandwich meat from the fridge. “It doesn’t make sense. He always does something reckless and leaves me and our parents worried. Not to mention when I got the call I couldn’t go visit him because of all the days of work I missed last week so that ruined my whole mood.”

Jimin looks up from his computer, a hint of concern and sympathy in his eyes. “I’m sorry Kook at least your brother is doing well. It could’ve been worse.”

“I just need to get my mind off of it. I would call Yuna but apparently she’s busy. So yeah streaming it is.” Yuna was Kook’s fuck buddy. They’ve been on and off for over a year now and it’s pretty toxic. When either of them would have the slightest inconvenience, they’ll called each other, fuck for about an hour, then go home. Kook likes to call it his “stress reliever” other than smoking. One thing about Kook he doesn’t do relationships, hell he couldn’t even remember the last time he’s been in one. He’s strictly a fuck-and-go type of guy, and so is Yuna. They made it clear in the beginning that they didn’t

want anything serious and no feelings involved. So he’s used to her being available whenever he needs her, but the fact that she’s “busy” pissed him off even more. He wanted to take his frustration out on her. Fuck her so hard that she couldn’t walk the next morning. Shove her face into the mattress, choke her, spank her, hell sometimes he’d tie her up and pin her to the bed just so he could leave marks and bites on her. But now he’s left with no one at the moment and that makes him even more upset.

“Yuna is hoe you know that right? Shouldn’t you…..I don’t know find someone who doesnt fuck the entire city?” Jimin says.

Why did that make Kook even more pissed. “So what? I don’t care about her.” And he actually meant that. As bad as it sounds he really didn’t care about her. Why should he? She’s didn’t care about him.

“You want me to moderate your stream today? Or you want me to call Taehyung to do it?” Jimin was Kook’s first moderator ever. He’s a great mod, he always makes sure Kook’s streams are doing well and he removes the few hate comments he gets. Also Jimin is the only person who has access to his DM’s. Kook has thousands of messages of horny teenage girls and men. They never seen his face and yet they insist that they should fuck him. He would be lying if he said he didn’t like the attention but over some time it gets weird and uncomfortable. So he trusts Jimin to go through his DM’s to make sure he doesn’t miss out on any brand deals or anything involving his work ethic.

“You do it.” He said bluntly as he walks away, disappearing into his room. He hopes that if he gets to kill some zombies or something that would help with his frustration at the moment. Unfortunately it didn’t. Some viewers noticed the change in his attitude and keep insisting on him to talk about it. What is this therapy? No it’s just a regular stream. His viewers should be more focused on his gameplay more than anything and yet he hasn’t won not one round. All the comments weren’t making him feel better at all and without thinking he ends the stream earlier than he usually does. He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair trying to calm himself down. Today was really a shitty day and the only thing that could take away this frustration temporary is alcohol and smoking.

He takes off his head set and heads for his door, only to be face to face with Jimin. He was smiling. Which made Kook really uncomfortable at the moment.

“What?” Kook says impatiently, mind focused on nothing but alcohol and that damn vape. And Jimin here is delaying the process.

“Looks like you have a secret admirer.” He says in a singing tone. Secret admirer? Of course he does he gets messages like that every day. But right now he didn’t want to hear another story about how a 40 year old virgin is offering to pay him thousands of dollars just to fuck them. He denied that offer by the way.

“Don’t care now move.” Jimin stops him in his tracks. His face calm and collected. Why was he always so persistent. It was a good and bad thing.

“Look at this message.” He pulls out his phone and practically shoves the phone in his face. Kook was this close to shoving Jimin’s face into the nearest wall if he kept this up. But he would that’s the thing. He’d keep going until Kook finally gave in.

Kook took the phone and read the message on the screen. As he read it his frustration was quickly replaced with a pang of gratitude. He can’t remember the last time someone actually cared about his feelings enough to personally message Jimin. And why the hell did it make his heart warm up. Something about the way her words felt so….caring? Kind? Kook didn’t know why the hell a message from this stranger made him feel better than he did moments ago. He tried to hide the slight smirk on his face when he sees the way she praises him.

“Is that a smile I see?” JImin teases. Kook’s smirk immediately dropped. The last thing he needs is for jimin to start gloating like a child.

“Who is this? Oh let me guess she’s either 40 or 14 years old.” Kook says returning the phone and heading towards the kitchen. He completely forgot why he needed to come in here in the first place.

“Nope she’s 24 years old. I might’ve looked her up before telling you about her. Gotta say she’s hot.”

“Cool.” Kook says nonchalantly looking through the fridge for something he can’t quite remember. Those text messages making his mood change slightly. Something inside of him wants to thank her for the kind words, but when has Kook ever done that? Jimin is in charge of the messages he receives and he isn’t the type to just thank someone so casually. Call it cockiness but he’s use to it. Use to getting what he wants and not really dealing with the consequences after. It’s just who he is….who he’s always been.

“Cool, huh?” Jimin mocks. He can read Kook like a book and can tell his mood change after he seen the message. “Okay then I’ll tell “A” you said ‘cool’ after she took the time out of her day to make sure you were alright. Unlike some other people. “Jimin pulls out his phone to type out a message”

“Wait…” Kook says with a sigh. As much as he doesn’t want to admit it Jimin was right. It feels weird to just ignore the kind words from her. “I’ll thank her on tomorrow’s stream okay?”

Jimin grins as if he already knew he’d do that. “I’m proud of you Jungkook. You’re a changed man.”

Kook hasn’t heard someone say his full name in years. Jimin only does that when he’s trying to be childish and immature. And god he hates it more than anything and Jimin knows that. It’s like he gets off to Kook’s anger. He’s fucking weird but he’s also his best friend and he doesn’t trust anyone else other than him and Taehyung.

“Whatever don’t make it seem like I’m just an asshole. I care about my fans who care about me okay?” Kook reaches in the fridge to grab a can of beer and walks back into his room. Once his alone with his thoughts he thinks back to the message from earlier. How can someone care about him when they didn’t even know him. Let alone seen him either. He doesn’t understand yet he’s happy he could at least get out of his shitty mood from earlier today.

He gets on his computer and goes over his assignments for the week. Although he despises school and has a deep hatred for it he does want to graduate and who knows he’d probably get his degree and work for this big tech firm. Maybe he could even convince his brain dead brother to actually take his life seriously. He didn’t want to become one of those strict older brothers who acts like a third parent but Kook’s brother is really reckless and it worries him more than anything. He grabs his phone and decides to call him just to make sure he’s okay and safe.

“Jungkook what’s up?” Junghyun say and he can hear the grin in his voice. “Don’t worry I’m fine I’m better than fine. The doctors here are so hot. I should come more often.”

Idiot. He’s a completely idiot. He’s making it seem as if he’s immoral. What the hell are seventeen year olds doing nowadays anyway? When he was his age he was playing sports and partying, but Junghyun is treating life as if it ends tomorrow.

“You’re an idiot. Do you know how worried our parents are? You’re lucky I’m not there to beat your ass for being so reckless.”

“Awww love you too bro.” Junghyun says with a smile on his face. Kook has his own way to express his love and concern and this was it.

“Whatever just don’t do it again.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next morning Anya walks into her classroom and prepares for her morning lecture. Why the hell did she decide to do tech? She can barely change a light bulb. It’s time to start looking for a new major.

As the classroom starts to fill up with students one in particular catches her eye every morning. He wasn’t a new student, in fact Anya has seen him a couple of times on campus. He sits in the back with a couple of other students. It’s too mediocre to call them “popular kids” but they are. The guy was always dressed in black and wears the same black bucket hat almost everyday. He has an eyebrow and lip piercing which is very hot in Anya’s opinion. No not opinion it’s a fact. His entire right arm was covered in tattoos. Even down to his fingers. It doesn’t take an idiot to see how hot he was. The entire class- no the entire school knew it. Not even just him. He surrounded himself with six other students who were just as hot as he was. She recognized one of them. Jimin is a YouTuber and he films occasionally on campus, but the others she didn’t know. Apparently the hot guys name is Jeon. Well that’s what the professors call him. He’s the typical bad boy but he’s always in class on time and from what she noticed, he one of the highest ranking students in their school. Talk about not judge a book by its cover.

Oddly enough she’s never heard him speak. Not once. He just silently observes. Anya did find him attractive and it was nice to actually attach her feelings to something she’s seen in person before, but Kook was always on her mind. Occasionally…….well not occasionally but she often checks his social media accounts and she listens to the songs he recommends. Apparently he’s not the emo type like how she expected. He likes almost every genre. And she trusted his taste in music. She clicks on his playlist and starts taking her notes trying her hardest not to turn around at her eye candy of a man Jeon.

Kook arrives to class at his normal time and takes his seat in the back. The rest of the guys comes along and start their own conversation. Kook doesn’t talk much during school. He didn’t want to seem like a celebrity but last time he had a conversation with his friends a lot of people recognized him from his stream. He just didn’t want anyone to know. Jungkook and Kook were two completely different people and he wanted it to stay that way. He actually takes his school work seriously because he actually cares about his future. So during the hour and a half of his lecture, he takes notes and his friends whispers about whatever they were talking about and he concentrates on the work ahead. But his mind goes back to that message of “A”. It brought a sense of comfort to him out of nowhere and he didn’t know how to ignore it. So he didn’t….

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

Hello Mara, i follow you for a while and i saw lots of your fanarts of narutaru, i became interested in it and a few weeks ago i decided to finally read it. Honestly, i loved it, (even if the ending was kind of sudden) and now its one of my favorites mangas.

I wanted to ask whats your thoughts on narutaru, and what made you like it. Its not a popular manga so its so hard so find others opinios and analysis, so i decided to ask you since its the reason i decided to read it.

hi anonymous, i just got power back from the storm; trees smashed several places around me;

if you asked me several years ago i could give you a better answer but present-day-me is fairly far removed from really having much passion for narutaru except holding on-to some memories of what i think i liked about it: it was a series i found very early back on maybe / b/ or /a/ on 4chan, likely in a thread about dark manga, and narutaru would be mentioned as coming across as some childish pokemon-esque comic that then turns really depressing--and i always remembered it being referred to as exactly shadow star narutaru, so i always remembered it as shadow star and associated it with the goofy little star guy--but i could never make myself read it because it was insanely boring and the art was incredibly lame, at the time; then in my self-harm spiral i read it (easily over a decade later) and i fell in love with it, because i thought that: it was a series utterly and completely empty and exhibited a real evil at its core that had no pretense to it or strive to be that, just that it was--like there is a permeable funk or mold crept through the architecture of narutaru more obviously shown through all the characters wrapt around some dumb moody issue (akira is the case study here), but shadow star never seemed something 'evil' because of those story-beats that are paint-by-numbers in misery-porn; take, for example akira explaining the connection with the shadow dragon, and how empty of a thing they seem and how their 'link' is like a vampiric one where a draining of the soul must occur and drain out through the human and into the queer little dragon thing when at perfect unity between the two, and how akira is nervously at complete resistance to letting this happen because (though she thinks she wants to die) there is something repulsive about having that precious self occult away into a moronic wall-eyed lump of clay ensof; then hiroko, my favorite, named as a shell heap and a good foil to akira because she is willing to completely drain off into oni and undergoes this malignant 'truth' there there:s an unreality to her life and her needing to keep living and her needing to be warped by unrealities that have been hammered down into strange forms of parent and friend and enemy and such-and-such; and, foil to it all are the latter characters who have completely been devoured by the shadow star, and sheol itself--all not really portrayed with a heavy dilemma or mood or misery, but a just-so attitude that "this is all completely empty, and that is completely fine;" it is a story not-so evil because of some subversion of good or resistance to good, but an evil because there is absolutely nothing inside of narutaru. if it seems a house it is only hiding decrepit flooring and rotting structural support, and if it seems even that then it is even less-than. plus, although i'd never watched an episode of the anime, it has a really nice ED theme that i liked to listen to during a breakup.

i was put off talking about it for some time because, may-be because of those surface Miseries, it seemed to invite "shared misery," sometimes over the self-harm, but also the 'infamous' censored rape-murder volume, and it felt like the last thing i wanted to invite into my life were other people sharing a love with me over images of rape and messages about how beautiful it was--something about all that felt rotten and against the shadow star, that there is something i just dislike about placing grace onto 'antithesis' of what is commonly good (rape bad? no, rape beautiful!) and that (and what i still like about narutaru) is its found-grace in an absence of values either good or evil--as from primordial churning chaos before something were, there were enough grace for creation to come-from, and for it to return-to;

but i might also just be a contrarian and don't like seeing myself in other people. didn:t go to church yesterday and just drove around with my mom; take care.

[honeys-hotties]

I love your writing omg, I was wondering if you could do like some head cannons about jb dating a singer as big as Taylor swift (and with music similar to hers), maybe even when shes doing a tour like the eras tour

yes yes yes i love this!!! i've been a swiftie forever this is so fun! this is kind of short but i wanted to get something out for you tonight!! xoxo

okay so julien has been a fan for YEARS and thinks you're basically the most incredible singer ever

i'm writing these thinking jb and you got together in like late 2022 early 2023? so she def watched you go through all of the shit with management and watched everyone turn on you and it broke her heart

you had worked with phoebe in the past and knew of lucy and julien but had never met them UNTIL an event you were all at

you guys went to the afterparty together and julien confessed she was such a huge fan of yours

you guys were friends for a while but were hiding feelings and it literally took someone else pointing it out for you to realize

you're both so insanely proud and supportive of each other's careers

awards show dates<3

matches her tie to your dress/outfit!

one million percent writing songs for each other

after everything that you went through she is so SO protective of you

she is as excited as you are for the eras tour and is so in awe of you as she watches the entire world lose its damn mind over you

just so incredibly in awe of you at all times, she is absolutely enamored

she helps you rehearse and choose the setlist for the tour, and helps you choose all of the surprise songs

surprising her with the outfits and her just absolutely losing her damn mind

keeping the vigilante shit choreo a secret from her until the very first performance and poor jb, her eyes are bugging out of her head she can't keep her eyes of you

def gets a little possessive as a joke, like, "babeeee only i get to see you like this"

maybe you do a little one on one show for her to make up for it...

is just obsessed with you and your stage presence

sometimes she can't believe how many people your music affects and she is so incredibly in awe of you and the impact you've had on people across the world

she comes to as many shows as she can and there are SO many videos of her watching you like you hung the moon

munagenius teases her constantly about you, saying she has to share her girlfriend with the rest of the world too

they all love you SO much and you guys are all constantly hyping each other up and promoting each other's music

going to her shows but trying to be discreet

SO many paparazzi photos of you two just being incredibly in love, holding hands, going on walks, all of it

you include her in all of the hints and easter eggs for re releases (rep tv when????) and she loves helping you troll your fans

she has so much respect for everything you've been through and everything you sacrifice to make music

helps you write songs and come up with music

always looking at you with the biggest heart eyes, she tells you all the time she can't believe you chose her and you tell her that YOU'RE the lucky one

lots of affirmations and reassurance

she's just so amazing and in love and now i want to be a taylor level singer with jb as my gf<3

i hope you liked this babe!! let me know if you have any more requests!! love you all with my whole heart