cosmicdahlias

[cosmicdahlias]

tgis is so fucking funny to me. they accidentally Rock Lee'd a retired racehorse

[cosmicdahlias]

There's people who have a religion, and there's Religious People. The first type is just normal people who happen to have a foundational structure they like to have their world built upon. The latter type are the kind that make me want to lean in and say "look, I would not even want to get into the kind of Heaven that would let you in."

[cosmicdahlias]

dressing and acting like bruno mars for 8 days straight grinning and laughing dancing and twisting being all sexy and short until i pass out from dehydration/exhaustion with no prior signs of distress

[cosmicdahlias]

guy who is stuck in a timeloop but is too socially anxious to bring it up to anybody or change their routine just in case it turns out they're mistaken. like yeah you're pretty sure that it's been november 3rd for two weeks now but idk maybe that's the depression talking. it's fine.

[cosmicdahlias]

From Ursula K. Le Guin’s Cat Dreams. Illustrated by S. D. Schindler.

[cosmicdahlias]

If you're having a private phone conversation with the phone off your ear, no headphones, and the speaker on in public, that's a public conversation now. That's an open invite, and I'm going to chime in if I have an opinion. This is now OUR disagreement about your boyfriend's spending habits.

[cosmicdahlias]

"sound of the summer is this song" WRONG. its cicadas

[cosmicdahlias]

complimented a cashier on her turtle pin this morning and she said "oh thanks, I am a little bit of a Turtle Person" with the carefully contained energy of Cookie Monster telling you he's mildly fond of chocolate chips

I hope she and the multiple tons of turtle merch she definitely has at home are having a wonderful day

[cosmicdahlias]

If you have a friend that wants to vent to you but doesn't want solutions but you are a solutions-oriented person, may I suggest Silly Solutions (TM)? For instance, whenever my friend complains about the people at her job being dumb, I remind her that if only one of us had studied engineering, we could create a giant hippo robot with laser eyes to destroy them. It fulfills my need to offer a solution, doesn't violate her boundary of not wanting to problem solve, AND it cheers us both up!

[cosmicdahlias]

[cosmicdahlias]

vlad_shevchenko

[cosmicdahlias]

staying up until 1am with your friends is like. wow we’re so fucking cool we’re so fucking badass we should go on a road trip or become famous or maybe hang out here forever because i dont wanna be anywhere that isnt with you guys im so full of love and joy and a live fast die young mentality. and staying up until 1am by yourself is like. for the third time this year i am genuinely contemplating suicide. good thing i dont have the executive function to clean up my room

[cosmicdahlias]

lying in front of the street cleaner

[cosmicdahlias]

The come-down from doing a good deed is crazy. Like I think I could rescue a baby from a burning building and 30 minutes later I’d be like, “Idk was it cringe of me to run into that building like that? The baby didn’t even seem that happy to get rescued. Honestly maybe the baby started the house fire and I interrupted an important life lesson.”

[cosmicdahlias]

A customer asked for pickles on their sub and I (dumbass) reached for the cucumbers. They quickly went “oh, no, I want pickles!” and I immediately said “they could’ve been pickles. in another life” ????? Why did I get hired????????

[cosmicdahlias]

if i worked at nintendo i would try so hard to make it canon that mario and luigi are red/green colourblind and think theyre wearing the exact same outfit