#they kinda are. as in they are shorter. and actually about something not the undescribed “watch out!” | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mayspicer · 19 days

Text

Mmm nothing like a good old full blown panic attack, I haven't had one in years. This time at least I have access to medication to make it stop a lot faster, but I have 6 pills left for the next 2,5 months and the recent trends in my mental state are not looking good.

#majek says shit #very bad year and VERY BAD week #had a new friend over for a few days and they had and encounter with an absolute bed bug infestation a couple days earlier #took all precautions they could and were very serious about the whole thing but were paranoid #something bit my bf on the knee literally the day after she left and we're in overdrive now #I say it's a mosquito because that night there was one in the house that I couldn't cath #but he says thats not how his body reacts to mosquitoes. I'm keeping myself in denial to preserve the little mental health I have left #my body decided that the stress will manifest as itchy hives which is great #we moved everything to my room and I'm going insane #I need my own space to live with someone and we even slept separately for like 2 years because it's better for sleep quality #and now we sleep together which is pretty nice and nicer than I remembered but also I have literally no space mental or physical #I'm unemployed and he works from home #we moved the tv to watch movies in bed and everything is taking so much physical space. my personal space #the house is a mess and my life is a mess and everything seems hopeless #I'm having... anxiety attacks? first once a week now every day. I always thought they were like milder panic attacks #they kinda are. as in they are shorter. and actually about something not the undescribed “watch out!”#but severity is like a panic attack was compressed into a few seconds which feel like I'm standing on the edge of a void pulling me in #it's physical. I have to physically hold on to something or move my body vigorously as if I'm shuffling away #and it lasts literally seconds and I'm fine-ish #my psychiatrist heard about it happening once a week and wrote me a prescription (?) to go to psychiatric hospital #not to stay there but for intensive 5-6h daily three month therapy #and after that visit I started having these attacks daily I think because it got to me that I'm Not Ok #it all started when I started on my new antidepressants and they are helping... but I'm afraid they are breaking something else...#I'm scared that they are #but so much is happening #unemployed for a year. my industry is going to shit. lost my friend who made sure to give me a big package of toxic waste as a farewell gift #so I have no support from anyone who even remotely understands me #unemployment means rejection over and over because I'm trying...#and this week exhausted me socially on top of everything. and the bed bugs threat. it's good I at least have xanax when it gets like today #oh also I'm turning 30 in a month. this is going to be great for job opportunities I can feel it

0 notes