#a woman would get excluded from the definition

[genderqueerdykes]

if you are a trans man or masc, masculine nonbinary, genderqueer, genderfluid or other gender non conforming identity, masc gay, a bear, a butch, stud, or boi, or other masculine queer person and don't feel welcome in any queer spaces, you're not alone.

the communities both irl and online have become EXTREMELY hostile toward mascs and men to the point of straight up excluding us and changing their wording to justify their violent exclusion. from renaming nonbinary spaces to "femme & them" and "she+" spaces, to telling men & mascs that they would "Scare" the women and "nonbinary" folks just by being there, as if masculinity and manhood are inherently traumatizing to be around.

masculine and male nonbinary folks have it so hard- most nonbinary spaces are almost definitely women's spaces who also conflate womanhood with nonbinaryhood, and often times just view nonbinary people as confused women. we are not inherently traumatizing to be around: masc enbies need places to go. we are still nonbinary and still trans and still queer for fucks' sake

nonbinary has never and will never mean femme or woman-adjacent inherently. nonbinary means what it means: people who don't or refuse to adhere to the gender binary, regardless of what side it is. masculinity is included in this, femininity is not the only way to be nonbinary.

masc queers do not have to bend over backwards to try to be more feminine and thus "less threatening" in order to have places to go. that's dysphoric and just inaccurate to a lot of queer folks' identity and presentation. it blows my mind because it makes no sense, anyway, even within the gay community, hypermasculinity has been present and even sought after by some people who find it very attractive, twunks, hunks, bears... but between the periods in queer history people started viewing masc gay leathermen and kinksters as the ones who were responsible for spreading AIDS and thus removing them from pride parades,

AND the lesbian separatism moment picking up to remove butches & male & masc lesbians from lesbian spaces identity, paving the way for modern rdical femniism, we've only entered a downhill landslide of hating men and mascs and ultimately trying to erase us from the queer community entirely.

the queer community is not the "women & femmes community". the queer experience is broad and vast, it includes a wide variety of masculine and male experiences, as well as genderfluid, multigender, completely ungendered and other gendered experiences. the lesbian, trans, bisexual, nonbinary, gay and general queer communities aren't the "safe place to hide from men & mascs community" like estranged rdfems and terfpilled trans folk like to tell you they are.

this is the QUEER community and it includes ALL forms of queerness, masc, femme, butch, male, neutral, bigender, neutral, and all. he/shes and he/hims and he/theys and he/its and so on are just as much of a part of this communities as she/hers and they/thems. you can't cast a blanket of "inherently abusive" over all men and mascs and one of "inherently abused/incapable of being abusive" over all women and femmes because that just traps you in a fantasy land that doesn't exist AND it prevents mascs and men from getting the help, resources and community they NEED.

men & mascs are hurt and abused by women & femmes every day and we refuse to speak about them because we live under a white cisheteronormal patriarchy and have complaints about how that functions. the complaints are legitimate but assuming that all men and mascs are oppressing all women and femmes and that women can never be oppressive is a false as hell narrative that actively damages people.

enough is enough. this mindset is hurting people. it's leaving masc and male queers to be estranged, harmed and even dead. i care about you if you're being affected by this mentality and these behaviors. you deserve community, safety, and a sense of belonging, you do belong, even if we struggle to form our own spaces due to unjust hatred. we will do our best to band together and keep each other safe. we must

[dramaticals]

a favour

pairing: theodore nott x reader

summary: you want to get your mind off of your break-up and theodore knows just what to do. literally just smut. characters are assumed to be 19+. mdni.

author's note: based on a thread i wrote in the rpc, but i excluded any wordings from my writing partner for obvious reasons

You didn't know who else to ask.

You've tried just about every heartbreak remedy out there—guzzling glasses of alcohol being the most recent and detrimental. The only remedy you hadn't tried required another person, and asking for it seemed to be much harder and more embarrassing than you thought.

In theory, you should be doing what any normal person would do when they want to get over an ex: find some stranger at a bar and have at it. But you're convinced the looming grey cloud that seemed to follow you around was enough to deter any stranger, regardless of whether sex was involved.

Which is why you were standing in front of Theodore Nott's place with a ridiculous and crude request on the tip of your tongue.

You and Theodore Nott weren't exactly friends. Friends of friends, more like. You two ran in the same circles, but there had never really been an opportunity or a reason to hang out one-on-one.

Even so, you knew the type of guy he was. Theo was as charming as he was alluring. He had that aura around him that just screamed lothario. And he was—at least, that's what you heard. Your mutual friends often teased him about his latest conquests, to which he'd respond with a smirk and a dismissive, "If you want me to fuck you next, all you have to do is ask."

"Y/N," Theo says. He leans against the doorframe of his apartment coolly, brows raising in question at your visit and curious eyes giving you a once-over. The way his arctic green eyes lingered on your body made you flush.

"Hey," You say breathlessly, fingernails digging into the palm of your hand out of pure nervousness. You didn't think it would be so hard to come out and just say it. "Can I ask you for a favour?"

"A favour," Theo repeats, his lips twitching into his signature smirk. By the way he was looking at you, you swear he knows what you want from him. "Depends. What do you need?"

"Could you help me get over my ex?"

Theodore's brows raise, his eyes flashing in smug amusement. He definitely knew why you were here.

"I can think of a few ways to distract you." He says slowly, eyes trained on yours. There's a teasing tone in his next words as he lists, "Movies, puzzles, bourbon..."

"Actually," you interrupt, your gaze flickering anywhere but his eyes. Your heart's practically beating out of your chest now. His intense gaze was doing a number on you, and you suddenly understood every woman he'd ever slept with. Theo knew exactly how to work a woman in the simplest way possible. "I was thinking of something more effective than that."

"Oh? And what may that be?" Theo asks as if he already didn't know. He just wanted you to say it.

You inhale sharply, your eyes meeting his again. "I want you to fuck me."

Theo lets out a breath, his lips twisting into a mischievous grin. "Gladly."

Theo beckons you inside before shutting the door and turning the lock. He wastes no time closing in the space between you two. Strong hands pull you close as his lips ghost over yours teasingly. You can practically feel his smirk on your lips, and it makes you shiver.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this." Theo says huskily against your lips.

There's no time to process his words before his lips are on yours. You gasp against his mouth, allowing him the opportunity to slip his tongue in. He steps forward, guiding you backwards until you're pinned against the door. Your hands reach to cup his jawline, kissing Theo back with as much passion as he was giving you.

He lets out a groan against you, and it strikes a fire within you and to your core. God, you needed to hear more of that.

Feverish kisses turn into teasing, nipping kisses down your neck. His rough hands slide down your frame, his leg expertly maneuvering between yours and pinning you in place. You whine at the pressure, throwing your head back in response.

"Fuck, Theo," you breathe, your fingers running through his brown curls.

He lets out a low chuckle against your collarbone, clearly eating up every second of this favour. You were so receptive to his actions that a part of him wanted to drag this whole ordeal out.

His hands tug at your sweatshirt, expertly removing the garment. He hisses when he realizes that was the only barrier he had to deal with. The cool air of his apartment, along with his lips on your chest, made your nipples perk. Your back arches into his mouth.

Theo flicks his tongue against your breast, teeth grazing lightly as he pulls away to say, "So fucking beautiful."

You could just melt into him. The way he was working you was unlike anyone you've ever experienced before. And the way his hands hooked onto the hem of your skirt and knickers, pulling them down swiftly—fuck.

One hand moves to capture both your wrists, lifting them both up and holding them above you firmly. His other hand finds its way to your core, toying with your slick folds before inserting a digit.

You let out a desperate whimper. You want to grip onto something, but his hold on your wrists is solid, and it only makes your hips buck into him.

"Eager, are we?" Theo muses, his lips planting a sweet kiss on yours. He watches you attentively as he slowly inserts another digit. Slow enough to really take notice of your wetness on his fingers. Theo smirks when your breath hitches.

"Theo," you gasp. "Please."

Theo kindly obliges, curling his fingers inside you and flicking repeatedly against the spot that made your knees buckle and your heart soar. His grip on your wrists tightened in part that you could no longer keep yourself standing.

"Oh my god. I need—" you moan, your eyes shutting in pleasure.

"What do you need, darling?" Theo asks smoothly, his fingers continuing their motions inside you. His eyes are dark with lust. He plants a kiss on your jaw.

"You." You manage to get out, squirming against his fingers. You're so close.

Theo was feeling too fucking smug seeing you unravel like this, and so it's another second before he's sliding his fingers out of you and letting go of your wrists. You whine at the loss of contact, your eyes shooting open in confusion.

Theo's discarding his shirt, untying his sweatpants, and shoving off his boxers. You bite your lip at the sight of him. You didn't think he could be any more sexy.

"Like what you see?" Theo quips with a sly smile. His hands move to your hips and then to your thigh, guiding your leg up around him. He guides himself to brush against your core teasingly. You jerk at the contact.

"Theodore," you warn. You don't know how much more foreplay you can take.

With a pompous grin, Theo sinks into you roughly. He grunts in pleasure, reveling in the feeling of your dripping cunt around him.

"Fucking hell, Y/N," Theo groans, setting up a torturous rhythm of thrusts. You feel the pleasure bubbling in your core, your fingernails dragging across his bare back.

Theo buries his face in the crook of your neck, leaving sweet kisses on your skin. The sensation of his soft, tender lips on your neck versus the primal thrusts into you made you want to scream.

Theo senses this, and he relentlessly continues his movements. He's quite close himself, his cock twitching in response to your body. But considering this was a favour to you, he holds himself back. You needed to come first.

And you do.

You release a panting whine just as the building pleasure finally washes over you. You grip onto the locks of his hair on the base of his neck for support, coming undone in his strong arms. Theo moans, feeling you clench around him, before allowing himself to come.

You slump forward into Theo, your forehead resting on his chest. Your hands gripped his shoulders tightly, now more than ever needing the support his strong frame provided.

"That'll definitely do," you say with a weak nod.

You can't see his face, but you can practically see the shit-eating grin on his lips.

[barcaatthemoon]

sharp dressed woman || alessia russo x reader ||

you really like the suit alessia chose to wear out for an event.

minors dni, 18+ only, smut ahead.

"less, come on, we're gonna be late!" you shouted up the stairs at your girlfriend. alessia was bringing you as her date to some football ceremony, much like you had with your red carpet event the weekend before. it was nice to be able to go do things like that together without the fear that someone would find out. both of you were successful in your respective careers and felt secure enough in your relationship to not let anybody come between you for something trivial like comments.

"be patient!" alessia shouted back at you. you leaned against the back of the couch and crossed your arms over your chest. it wasn't even ten seconds after a pout found itself onto your face that alessia was walking into the living room. "now when you look at me like that, it's hard to leave the house."

"less, you look good," you told her. she had opted for a suit, one that you knew she bought whenever she went out with leah last. you had been upset that day about her excluding you from shopping, but the surprise was definitely worth it. as was the night alessia spent between your legs making it up to you.

"thank you baby," alessia said as she pulled you into her arms. she was careful in placing a kiss to your cheek. your lipstick was dark enough to stain her mouth and face so she was careful to avoid that. "now, i'm going to need you to behave because i'd hate to have to ruin that makeup you worked so hard on."

alessia's words had you swallowing nervously. you remembered the way that she had teased you in the car ride over to the red carpet. you had definitely been planning on teasing her back, but you could tell that alessia meant business. it was only a night, and you could be good for her, especially since she looked nervous.

"you'll do great," you said as you leaned your forehead against hers. alessia kissed the corner of your mouth before she ushered you out of the house. there was a car full of her teammates and friends waiting outside, so you definitely couldn't tease her like you had planned.

you played the part of supportive girlfriend all night, holding alessia's hand and talking to anybody who she seemed to want you to. there were a few moments when alessia pressed a couple of gentle kisses to your cheek or temple, a quiet thanks for sticking by her side. she had been sweet enough the whole night that you missed the way tha she had begun to stare at you a little later on. it seemed that your dress had the same effect on alessia that her suit had on you.

"come on, let's go," alessia said as she grabbed you by the hand to drag you away. there had been talks of an afterparty, but you could tell by the urgency in alessia's voice that she didn't care about that. a part of you wanted to suggest slowing down so that she could truly enjoy the entirety of the night, but if alessia wanted to take you home now, you wouldn't argue against it.

"before i lose the chance to say this, i want you to know that i'm really proud of you for tonight," you said. alessia blushed and looked down at her hands as they rested in her lap. she obviously hadn't expected those to be the first words out of your mouth once the two of you were finally alone.

"thank you," alessia mumbled as she leaned over to press a quick kiss to your cheek. she paused as she backed away, finally realizing that she could kiss you how she really wanted to. the two of you had nowhere else to go for the night, so alessia didn't have to worry about your lipstick smearing all over her face anymore. she just had to make sure that she got her shirt off before any makeup could get on it.

alessia gently grabbed your jaw, gently rubbing her fingers along your jawline as she stared at you. you swallowed nervously as you tried to keep eye contact with her. alessia had very expressive eyes, almost always giving away her intentions with intensity. alessia's eyes flicked down to watch as your throat bobbed a little before her eyes slowly moved back up.

"kiss me, please. i can't wait any longer. less, you've been driving me crazy," you admitted. alessia's lips parted as she opened her mouth like she was going to say something, but there was nothing that alessia felt would be a valid response other than just kissing you. she backed you up just a little, but followed through, her lips hitting yours just as soon as your head touched the wall.

alessia had always been a phenomenal kisser, the best you had ever experienced before. alessia didn't believe you whenever you'd rave about how much you loved kissing her, which you couldn't understand. alessia's lips were so soft, even whenever she was purposefully being rough with you. you loved that no matter how softly the two of you started out, you'd end up kissing alessia so much that your lips always ended up bruised.

"can i take you back to the bedroom?" alessia asked. she had her hands on your thighs with the skirt of your dress hiked up just a little. you knew that she wasn't asking if the two of you would have sex, she wanted to know if she could carry you back there. it had been a little while since she had done that, and the look in her eyes was so hopeful that you couldn't tell her no.

"just don't trip or drop me," you told her. there was a little teasing lilt to your voice, which you were punished for with a swift nip to your bottom lip from alessia. you let out a sharp wince, and alessia ran her tongue over the bite. that proved to be a mistake as alessia's knees buckled a little when you kissed her back. "no more kissing when you're carrying me."

"that's fair," alessia sighed. she adjusted her grip on you before she sprinted into the bedroom. you were almost impressed, but you didn't miss the way that she had almost tripped and fallen getting you into the bed. alessia dumped you onto the mattress a little harder than she meant to, immediately turning back to start undressing herself. "i don't even know if i want you to take off that dress."

"i want to take this stupid thing off," you told her. alessia let out a little sigh as she nodded. you got off of the bed so that alessia could help you take the dress off and set it aside somewhere safe. alessia had genuinely enjoyed seeing you in that dress, so you'd probably end up wearing it again. "maybe don't take all of that off though, for me?"

"well, i hope you know a good cleaner then," alessia said. you smiled as you got back onto the bed. alessia set her suit jacket and the shirt aside on the dresser before she joined you on the bed. you had wanted the shirt to stay on, even though she had already unbuttoned all of it. you didn't say anything about it though, knowing that there were more pressing matters at hand.

alessia pinned your body beneath hers, nudging your thighs apart with her own legs as she settled down. alessia pressed a couple of kisses to your lips before she started moving them down your body. alessia pressed whatever parts of her body she could against you as she moved down. you ground yourself against her abs as she busied herself with your breasts. her hands moved under your bra to tease your nipples as she buried her face in between your boobs.

"less, please," you whined. she lifed her head up just a little, a pout on her face.

"be patient for me, and i promise that you'll be rewarded," she told you. you just nodded as you bit your lip to keep another whine in. you wanted to feel her inside of you, but you'd settle for grinding for the moment. it was hard, but you did remind yourself over and over again that tonight was for alessia.

alessia took her time in moving down between your legs, but once she did, there was no teasing. alessia grabbed you and lifted you up a little before hooking her arms around your hips to keep you in place. she buried her face between your legs, fervently running her tongue through your folds. alessia moaned at the taste of you, the vibrations causing your hips to jolt forward.

"alessia," you moaned loudly. your hands moved down to her head, unsure of whether you wanted to pull her closer or push her away. alessia was smirking at you grabbed at her hair, unable to do much else than that. you had gotten yourself pretty worked up grinding away mindlessly against alessia's abs earlier, and the quick and aggressive assault of her tongue on your cunt made it impossible for you not to cum quickly. you opened your mouth to warn her, but the way she harshly sucked your clit into her mouth shut you up immediately.

alessia could feel your body tense in her arms, but she didn't stop. she lapped gently at your entrance, licking up at the arousal that was literally dripping out of you. one look up at you from between your legs told alessia that she could go one more time with you, or at least attempt it. she knew not to get upset if you pushed her away after a little while, you knew your body better than she did.

"i think you've been so good for me that you deserve my fingers. does that sound nice to you pretty girl?" alessia asked as she sat up a little. her hands were on the insides of your thighs now, her thumbs brushing so close to where you wanted her.

"please, less." you weren't sure how many times you had said that tonight, but you were prepared to beg her. alessia wasn't going to make you beg for her tonight though. you had done everything that she asked you to so far, so you were getting your reward. and maybe, if you were still in the mood, alessia would get to play a little more with you after.

"oh baby, you feel so good," alessia muttered as she pushed two fingers inside of you. alessia usually didn't start with two, knowing that her fingers were big. however, you were so wet that both fingers slipped inside of you with ease. alessia thought for a moment that she could add another, but she wanted to wait for you to ask for more before she did that.

alessia's fingers fucked in and out of you with ease. you bucked your hips to match her thrusts, glad to finally not be pinned down. you liked feeling like you were participating, even if you knew that alessia did most of the work on nights like this. it wasn't that you just wanted to lay there and take it, but alessia liked holding you in ways that didn't allow for much movement. alessia wanted to be able to have her way with you, and if you were being forced to stay still, she could prolong that time for just a little bit.

"less," you whined, reaching out towards her. alessia leaned forward and let you grab onto her. immediately, you pulled her closer towards you. alessia shifted up onto her knees and moved to lay partially on top of you. her fingers were still fucking in and out of you, curling with each thrust and dragging along all the spots you needed her.

"i'm right here baby," alessia said softly. your hands moved from her hair to cradle her face. you pulled her down towards you, just close enough to kiss. alessia knew what you wanted and why you were doing it. she was careful to keep little gaps in your kisses, knowing that your breathing was already erratic. she happily swallowed up each of your orgasmic moans with kisses as she felt your cunt clench around her fingers. "that's it baby, good girl."

alessia's words were mumbled in between soft kisses and slow, shallow movements of her fingers. you went limp beneath alessia's body, finally allowing her to remove her fingers. she did it one at a time and pressed an apologetic kiss to your each of your cheeks when you let out little whimpers. alessia was careful as she maneuvered herself to lay beside you. you turned onto your side and rolled right into her arms, burying your head against the crook of her neck.

"you've still got part of your suit on," you mumbled after a few moments. alessia hummed in confirmation, but didn't ask to get up. you reluctantly pulled yourself away from her to let alessia get out of bed. she went straight into the bathroom for a couple of minutes. whenever she returned, alessia was wearing just her underwear and had a wash cloth in her hand.

"alright, come here." alessia grabbed onto your ankles and gently pulled you over to the edge of the bed. she was gentle as she cleaned you up, careful to make sure that she did it somewhere neither of you were going to lay while asleep. she didn't want any of the water to drip down and make you cold later in the night. alessia tossed the cloth towards the dirty clothes, careful not to get it in the basket and get anything else wet. "all clean. do you want something to wear? i can get you a pair of my shorts if you'd like."

"the arsenal briefs and one of your old training shirts please?" you asked her. alessia sprinted off to her wardrobe to get that for you, returning quickly to help you into the outfit. you could have done it yourself, but you also knew how much it helped alessia to do these things for you after sex.

"do you need anything else?" alessia asked you as she stood at the foot of the bed. you shook your head as you reached forward and pulled you onto the mattress with you. alessia settled on top of you, enveloping your body with hers. you reached around her to pull a blanket over the two of you, knowing that it'd end up being discarded sometime throughout the night if alessia stayed on you like that. "goodnight, i love you."

"night less, i love you too." you pressed a kiss to her temple, smiling when she tried cuddling further into your arms. there wasn't really any way for her to get closer, but the sentiment was still there.

[thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai]

On not getting eros

I’ve discussed Yuuri not getting eros multiple times, but I never explained what that actually means because this subject seems to be a sensitive and controversial one either way. Yet, it's also an important one for a number of reasons I will come back to later.

First: What is eros? - a very short trip back in time

YOI explains eros as “sexual love”, matching the Ancient Greek definition as “sensual or passionate love” from which the term “erotic” is derived. Classical philosophers described eros as a “madness from the gods” that befalls people at the sight of another person with disastrous results (e.g. the story of Paris and Helena). In YOI, this “madness” equates to “what causes you to lose the ability to make normal decisions”.

(The definition of eros varied a lot over the centuries. Plato defined eros as a general concept of passion that excludes physical attraction and argued that it can be utilised to pursue intellectual interests. Freud insisted that eros is not to be confused with libido, and the Catholic Church’s definition had a huge influence on more modern definitions and not for the better.)

What the ancient Greeks called eros is nowadays known as sexual attraction. Classical philosophers probably didn’t make the distinction towards romantic attraction since the two are often conflated. However, “madness from the gods” describes a primal instinct that the majority of humans experiences starting from when the body begins to produce sex hormones during puberty.

What this implies for Yuuri

As an adult male of 23, Yuuri is long past puberty. Thus, one would expect him to understand eros on an intuitive level. However, what makes him lose the ability to make normal decisions is not the sight of another human being, not even his celebrity crush parading in front of him like a Greek god—no, it's his favourite food. And there’s only one explanation why that is:

So far, Yuuri has not experienced sexual attraction.

No anxiety disorder, no feelings of inadequacy, no lack of self-esteem, and certainly not an alleged ability to restrain himself can explain this absolute cluelessness about a basic human instinct. It cannot explain why Yuuri is immune to the sight of naked Viktor, i.e. why that doesn't make him want to bent Viktor over the edge of the hot spring and do unspeakable things to him. And this brings us to the subject of the discussion:

Yuuri is on the asexual spectrum.

Where on that spectrum he could be, I'm going to discuss in a minute.

Yuuri is well aware that at his age the general populace is able to express eros and that by extension, he is excpected to and should be able to express it, too. In his first attempt at tackling eros, he uses his favourite food as a workaround, but if he had no particular food cravings, literally anything he’s passionate about would work as well (it took me ages to figure that out myself because, personally, I rather roll with Plato than food metaphors). Yuuri keenly feels that katsudon isn’t it, though. He thus changes the protagonist of the story he made up for his SP because he relates to the woman’s situation more than to the playboy, which works fairly well because it reflects his fears about Viktor leaving and his desire to keep Viktor for himself (see this meta). However, it takes him until episode 6 to find his eros, and this eros is a very possessive and commanding one (see this meta). Essentially, episode 6 is about Yuuri learning that he is indeed capable of seducing Viktor with his skating and this ability comes with a certain power that is reflected in his scores.

That Yuuri is aspec is essential for the plot of Yuri!!! on Ice to work.

Which asexual microlabels are compatible with canon Yuuri?

Aside from a few subtle hints, this is pretty much open to interpretation. The tie-grab in episode 8 and the strong sexual tension in that scene suggest that Yuuri and Viktor did it by now, which narrows the list down to demisexual, greysexual, or sex-favourable ace.

A demisexual Yuuri would experience sexual attraction once he has formed a close bond with another person or got to know them intimately enough. Before Viktor, Yuuri struggled to form close relationships of any kind; Viktor is the first he wants to form a bond with and whom he lets into his heart. In this context, Yuuri's SP in episode 6 could be interpreted as the very first time Yuuri experiences sexual attraction.

A greysexual Yuuri would be capable of experiencing sexual attraction sometimes and in certain situations, but again, the point when Yuuri perfects his SP defines the earliest instant at which he would experience sexual attraction for the first time. For example, it could mean that Yuuri only feels sexual attraction when he's in his Eros role.

Personally, I have a hard time picturing Yuuri as lusting after Viktor's body at any time. His performances of Eros rather seem outbursts of sensuality than an overall change in how he feels about Viktor in this aspect of their relationship. To me, Yuuri's Eros has the nature of a kink rather than the experience of sexual attraction. Yuuri's Eros is possessive, wants Viktor for himself, and demands of Viktor to watch him to drive him insane. Yuuri's Eros is dominant. I thus see Yuuri as a sex-favourable ace with one kink (at least!), which he has learned to use very well during his explorations of Eros.

Yuuri doesn't need to experience sexual attraction to sleep with someone else. Wanting physical closeness and sharing pleasure are very valid reasons.

Le tue mani, le tue gambe, le mie mani, le mie gambe, i battiti del cuore si fondono tra loro. Your hands, your legs, my hands, my legs and the heartbeats are fusing together.

Physical closeness as expressed through "Stay by my side" is a leitmotif in Yuri!!! On Ice, played back and forth between Yuuri and Viktor throughout the show. The lyrics of Stammi Vicino go even beyond that and describe a unification on a physical and on a mental level, implying an intimacy that can't be explained alone by Yuuri and Viktor being a couple and skating this routine together.

If you want your version of Yuuri to be canon-compliant, you can't go wrong with either flavour of aceness, including those I didn't discuss in this because they seem less likely to me. If you came to the conclusion that a sex-repulsed kinky Yuuri would work just as well, my answer to you would be that canon Viktor would be happy with everything his Yuuri is willing to give. If there's a fictional couple who would make a relationship in which one partner in sex-repulsed and the other is allosexual work, it would be viktuuri.

Next some questions I wish someone had explained to me in this context:

Q&A: But why does Yuuri...?

dry-hump Viktor at the Sochi banquet: If the amount of clothes Yuuri wears gives away the timeline of the event, he danced with Viktor before he went off to the pole with Chris. Some of this dancing was quite physically and that can be totally enough to cause arousal. Add an unholy amount of alcohol to this and you have Yuuri rubbing his genitals at his idol. (note that libido ≠ sexual attraction)

say that Viktor could impregnate everyone, including him: Being asexual doesn’t deprive you of the ability to identify sexiness in other people and understanding the meaning of “hot”. Viktor demonstrating Eros right in front of Yuuri would instantly put Yuuri into a massive swoon, and while it wouldn't make him horny and want to fuck Viktor, he would be be swept away because of how cool and amazing Viktor is.

hastily turns away when Viktor stretches in front of him in the bath: Well, that's an obvious reaction of discomfort. Not everyone would be happy to stare right at someone else's dick (unless you love dicks, obviously).

On a side note, I find it quite ironic that Morooka calls Yuuri “Japan’s ace skater” in the Blu-ray subs, but aside from the fact that things one character says about another should always be taken with a grain of salt, deriving a character’s sexuality from such wording is as far-fetched as deriving it from colour schemes, aesthetic attraction, or characters blushing at one another (and in YOI, they blush like all. the. time.). The YOI creators likely didn't intend an asexual reading of Yuuri, but the result is a nevertheless an unambiguously ace-coded Yuuri that is needed for the story of Yuri!!! on Ice to work in the way that it does.

Why this discussion is overdue

Good ace representation: Although it's not officially confirmed, Yuuri is a realistic representation of a queer label that is often overlooked and underrepresented in media. In addition to that, it's the only label that applies beyond a superficial impression.

Educational purposes: There are many harmful misconceptopns surrounding asexuality, and while this post doesn't aim at dispelling them, I hope it will make a little difference.

Spreading awareness: Because there is so little awareness about what it means to be asexual—even inside the queer community—the ace-coding is only obvious for people who have educated themselves on the subject. Unfortunately, this makes Yuuri being prone to being mischaracterised.

Helping people figure themselves out: Asexuality is a concept that is very hard to make sense of when you don't even know that you experience things differently. I've seen posts discussing ace-coded characters and they only confused the hell out of me. I hope that this post will be helpful to other people being unaware of or questioning their aceness.

For further reading about Yuuri and his endeavours to tackle eros, please check out these metas:

How skating to Eros despite not getting it showcases Yuuri's extreme bravery (episode 3): [X]

Yuuri finally finding the definition of eros that works for him (episode 6) [X]

The development of On Love: Eros throughout the series, including a discussion of the workarounds Yuuri uses: [X]

The romantic aspects of Yuuri's love life: [X]

My special thanks goes to cecebeanie for our countless discussions on the subject and patiently answering even my stupidest questions, for proofreading, and for encouraging me to write this post in the first place 💜💙

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me! My ask box and my DMs are always open!

If you like my metas, please check out my works on AO3.

Edit: While I was going through the reblogs of this post, I came across a lovely comment from someone who was a bit divided about whether Yuuri is overly sexual or asexual with a tendency towards the latter, and so I thought I'd provide some context for anyone else wondering about this:

In my experience, these two things aren't mutually exclusive. People with a strong libido or sex drive can be perceived as overly sexual, and that can apply to asexuals as well. Experiencing no sexual attraction doesn't determine whether someone has a low or high libido, nor does it determine whether someone enjoys having sex for whatever reasons. It's true that many asexuals don't ever want to have sex, but enough of us like it because we find it pleasurable, want to feel physcially close to our partner, engage in sex-related kinks etc. It's a spectrum after all. Personally, I think that Yuuri would enjoy sleeping with Viktor for all of these reasons once he's okay with allowing so much intimacy.

[a-bit-of-a-queer-one]

I loved Wild Blue Yonder, I thought it was a great episode. But if I see one more person proclaiming that the Doctor saying Isaac Newton was "hot" made the character "finally queer", I'm gonna set fire to sth.

For one thing, since they changed into a woman, the Doctor has, depending on one's definition, been canonically genderfluid/trans/nonbinary/genderqueer. That was made even more explicit last week in Star Beast. So saying that the Doctor as played by a man and using he/him pronouns calling a man "hot" somehow made the character queer is stupid in and of itself.

And secondly, the Doctor has long been regarded as aro and ace-coded by people of those communities and guess what? Aro and ace people really do exist and we are queer. And it would be lovely if other queer people could stop excluding us by saying that characters who provide what little, mostly accidental and incidental representation we get "become queer" by expressing same-sex attraction. It happened with Good Omens and it seems to be happening again with Doctor Who and I am so fucking tired of it

Edit (6th Dec 2023): Several people have pointed out in the notes that there have been quite a few instances of the Doctor ambiguously or indeed unambiguously expressing 'same-sex' attraction and exploring their gender identity/identities in the past, both in the show and in extended media. I just wanted to be absolutely clear on the fact that I was in way trying to diminish the importance of those moments by emphasing the aspect of asexuality and aromanticism in my post. That is not to say that I think anyone was implying that I was doing that, in fact everyone's been lovely (which is why I also wanted to thank everyone for their input, I learnt a lot, especially about the novels!!)

Of course, as an asexual, aromantic and agender/nonbinary person, that is the lens through which I watch the show and relate to the character of the Doctor. This does not make my reading of them any more or less valid than anyone else's. In fact, I absolutely love the fact that the Doctor is a character who speaks to people of so many different queer identities and I am so happy that RTD is exploring their queerness more explicitly, building on what he and so many other writers and also the actors have already established. I just hope that the fandom will respect the aro and ace aspects of the Doctor's queerness the same way they do their gender identities and other sexual and romantic orientations. Part of the reason I was initially quite worried about this was because of my experiences in the Good Omens fandom, particularly post series 2, as indicated in my original post. The other is that I doubt the show will explore the aro and ace aspects of the character as much as they may other queer identities - unfortunately aspecs have a history of being left behind in this regard...

But we will see, maybe I'll be proved wrong! For the time being, I just hope the queer community can celebrate all the different facets of the Doctor's undeniable queerness, including the aspec ones. And as the reactions to this post have been overwhelmingly supportive (I don't think I've seen a single outright negative response), I think this hope is far from unfounded.

(Sorry, this edit turned out to be longer than the original post...)

[certifiedsexed]

What's the point of using AGAB language if not for genitals then?

I've seen it used and used it myself for discussions of gender on mental health (I could also talk about sexism but I never do so I can't use for this example), like "symptoms of autism in AFAB people" rather than "symptoms of autism in women", because I know they're talking about how women are raised that makes their symptoms different than in men; I'm supposed to be included in the "women" because I was raised like a girl, but I'm not currently a woman, so it doesn't apply to me, hence why I say that I'm AFAB instead, because that's what would affect my symptoms if it's about how I was raised for this case (I hope it makes sense)

It seems pointless to say that I'm AFAB to refer to my body instead of just saying what matters for the conversation. Like I'm not judging if anyone feels better that way, but it's like saying you were short as a kid: it doesn't say what you are now.

I just want to know if the use I give it is also intersexist and if so then what's the actual use AGAB lanaguge is meant to have

It's to discuss how everyone is assigned (with no consent) a certain sex/gender at birth, sometimes regardless of their genitals and how that affects the rest of our lives.

For example, saying: "I was AFAB but I'm a man and haven't managed to get that assignment removed from documents, which means I have to deal with a lot of transphobia when my records come up!" or: "I was AMAB but I'm intersex and transfem which made going through puberty really rough with the mix of intersexism and transmisogyny from everyone."

What you're describing are both intersexist and transmisogynistic ways to be using AGAB language!

Yes, there are differences between how women and people assumed to be women are commonly treated in society but there is no explicit way that changes the actual symptoms of things like autism. Studies and discussions like that are talking about different ways symptoms more frequently show up in women and people they assumed to be women that they studied.

That doesn't just include people "AFAB" and specifying that they're talking about women and then explicitly excluding trans women is definitely not what you want to be doing.

You can say you were AFAB but altering discussions of mental health to exclude intersex people and trans women/fems is fucked and actually exactly the type of thing I was talking about before, unfortunately.

You don't need to say you were AFAB. You're correct, just say what matters in the discussion, that's fine.

In discussions like you're talking about, what's important is that they're speaking about women and people they assume to be women-Unless the research behind the discussion explicitly says, "We only accepted people AFAB", don't say that!

[If it does say that...Maybe ask yourself why they're explicitly excluding lots of intersex people and trans women/fems from that research!]

For example: "These specific symptoms of autism are more commonly recognized in women and people assumed to be women."

I hope this makes things a little clearer! If not, let me know and I can try to break it down some more. <33

[starful-emporium]

Bad Kids queer headcanons (excluding canon stuff lol)

Kristen is def someone who considers her gender as just "lesbian." being raised with the definition of woman being so strict and het normative, they can't connect to "woman" in a meaningful way, and uses any pronouns.

Gorgug is a bigender bitch if ive ever seen one. think i rb'd from the op of that headcanon a bit ago, they were saying how well it fits with his barbificer arc and just. Yes. Correct. She/he gorgug ftw.

Riz is fully uninterested in the whole gender thing. triple a vibes 100%, specifically the ambivalent kind. is okay with any pronouns but has no motivation to switch from he/him.

Fig being transfem <3 something about growing up as one thing and then suddenly becoming another, having your body do things outside your control and visibly weird. just gahhh perfect little niche to occupy my brain.

Adaine aro-allo truthers rise up! Seriously this girl does not want romantic intimacy, she would like the occasional casual date and getting her kisses in, and that's all, thanks.

Fabian is schrodinger's queer. hasn't connected the dots that liking men and women makes him bi. also has no idea how to separate jealousy and crushes, mostly bc his dad taught him to view other men as competition.

[macrotiis]

I wanna rant a little bit about that last post coz like I have feelings about it.

Reproductive rights are a huge part of feminism, but it's really important that it ISNT "sex-based oppression" bc tying birthing ability to the universal experience of womanhood is actually REALLY FUCKING MISOGYNIST. Like you're rly gonna say that women incapable of having children experience less oppression than those who can?

The bioessentialist idea of "sex-based" oppression is heavily weighed on the idea of a cis woman capable of giving birth to children as the definition of woman as a sex & gender. It is a damaging social construct that harms all who are socially classed as women in some way, regardless of actual gender or actual sex.

Like you realise already that definition of womanhood excludes a huge amount of women? And that it is so untrue to these women's actual experiences of misogyny?

It misses how misogyny treats infertile women regardless of sex as being "broken" because they are unable to fit the social role of womanhood.

It's also just like incorrect to the wider experience of misogyny of women who can have children at certain points in their lives, bc girls & women aren't capable throughout their entire life of having children. But young girls still experience misogyny up until puberty & past that, & misogyny doesn't go away after menopause, in fact menopausal women are treated as undesirable or used goods because they aren't typically capable of having children anymore.

The bottom line to all this is that, there is no one single universal experience of womanhood as a social role beyond just being a woman & you cannot exclude trans women from the experience of misogyny. Misogyny isn't "sex-based", bc sex is socially constructed in a way that does exclude a lot of women.

I rly beg fellow transmasc's & trans men to go out & spend time with trans women, talk to them about misogyny & their experiences with misogyny.

You wouldn't have these weird ass ideas about misogyny if you branched out more & tried to relate to trans women & their experiences with misogyny. It would fix a lot of the misconceptions folks have about radfems, TERFs & transmisogyny. Ppl get too caught up on this idea that TERFs hate trans women for their supposed relation to men & maleness, which is actually deeply untrue because really the crux of TERF ideology & most transmisogyny IS misogyny. It's rooted deeply in trans women not neatly fitting into the box of cis perisex white abled womanhood, it's about trans women being the wrong kind of woman, which IS the universal experience of misogyny & womanhood that all women & those socially classed as women face.

The sooner you stop treating transmisogyny & TERFism as a symptom of hating men & actually about hating women, the better your understanding of these ideologies & the better your understanding of where trans women fit in social roles of womanhood AND of your own place as a trans man.

You should rly be open to relating to & talking with ppl about any experience of misogyny that is outside your own, be that from trans women, women of colour, disabled women, intersex women, ect, because there are facets of misogyny you haven't experienced that are important to talk about & recognize.

[itsprashimusic]

Wildest Dreams Warm Realities

"Say you'll remember me"

Summary - A Formula 1 driver is on vacation in Goa with his family. A woman and her friend group are also on a vacation in Goa. Is this destiny?

Pairings - Charles Leclerc x indian!fem!Reader

Warnings - hindi words with english translations at the end, your best friend has a name (Sarah), mention of animals getting harmed, reader has hair. Happy reading🩵

W/C - 2.6k

A/N - the train is from Mumbai to Goa. Let me know if I missed anything.

Navigation | "Say you'll remember me" | "Standin' in a nice dress" | "Starin' at the sunset" | ..babe"

The horn sounded nice and loud, it could be heard by the people who stood on the road outside the station. It indicated that the train was now leaving CSMT and heading to its final destination. You had this trip planned out with your friends since the beginning of the year. All hotel reservations were made and all tickets were booked since this was the busiest time of the year to travel. 

It was the middle of December. You had 3 different invites to 3 different weddings, an invitation to meet one of your good school friends, and a desire for a true Goa trip with your friend group. But all of that was about to go down the drain because you were standing on the platform hearing the train engines start and watching it slowly pull away. You went out to grab some hot samosas for everyone but were now panicking, “Bhaiya jaldi karo, train jaa rahi hai!” you yelled at the poor dude who was trying to hurriedly wrap the piping hot samosas. You got the black thaili, gave him a 200 rupee note, and ran off, “Chhutta rakh lena!” you said over your shoulder. 

This could not be happening. It looked cute in YJHD when Naina was running behind the train, unfortunately you were not Naina. You were running after the train with your hair tied in a weird bun from the morning and were holding onto a black plastic bag with samosas in it, very much the opposite of how she looked. But then you saw it, more accurately, him. He was tall and had fluffy hair, like Bunny. But his hair was brown and he had green eyes, eyes which were filled with concern, eyes that were looking at you. 

This distracted you, but when you realised the train was moving away faster, you started to sprint. Never in your life had you run faster. His one had held onto the railing, while the other was stretched out and gesturing to you. You grabbed onto his outstretched hand and jumped. This is where you mentally prayed that he would catch you, if not, you were surely gonna get jammed in between the train and the platform, get injured, or die on impact. Thankfully he did catch you. When you jumped, he reacted quite fast and pulled you with one hand and caught you by your waist with the other. 

The both of you stood at the door standing incredibly close, breathing and processing what just happened. 

You managed to recover and pulled away from him, his hands dropping from your wrist and waist. However, you did not notice his slightly disappointed face, which he quickly covered up. 

“Thanks for..the help.” you weren’t really sure what to say. He didn’t say anything, he just kept looking at you. You started to worry that he didn’t speak English, right when he replied, “Sure, it was no problem.”

God that accent. He was definitely from Europe, maybe France. But just that one sentence got you craving for more. You wanted to hear him talk, it didn’t matter what the subject was. 

The silence turned awkward, so you mumbled a final ‘thank you’ and ‘see you around’ before entering the first class A/C compartment. 

You and your group of six(excluding you), had booked the train tickets separately. Two of your friends who were dating booked a coupe for themselves, and then gradually everyone else also got their tickets. You were the last to book and ended up in a cabin with 4 berths. You just hoped that whoever you would be sharing a cabin with would not bother you or make you uncomfortable.

You made your way to your friends’ compartment and gave everyone their samosas. By now it was no longer hot, just warm, but it was enjoyed nonetheless. You fell into the lively conversation and temporarily forgot about the brunette with capturing eyes and an alluring accent who saved you from missing a train. Once the clock hit 11 pm, everyone started getting ready for the night. You and your best friend went to brush and wash up for the night while the others got their beds ready. That is when you remember the mystery man. 

Sarah was in the middle of brushing her teeth when you came out of the smelling washroom saying, “I nearly missed the train while getting you guys your food.” 

“Wha id u o?”

“I ran like a mad woman and got saved by a stranger.” the second you finished speaking, she spit the foam out of her mouth, looked up at you, and asked you to elaborate. “Was it a guy?” you gave her a look, “Was he cute??” you gave her a more pronounced look and she started squealing. You had to cover her mouth with your hand. The train staff member who was in the other train car gave you a weird look. 

You just smiled at him and dragged your toothpaste-covered friend into the a/c compartment. You gave her a towel to wipe her mouth with while she whisper-yelled more questions at you. 

“The bhaiya was still wrapping the samosas, the horn went off, the train started leaving and I ran. I saw this guy, this gorgeous guy standing at the door. He held out his hand and I-” you weren’t even able to complete your sentence. ‘You had your DDLJ moment!’ Sarah squealed, jumping up and down with excitement. One thing you were glad to have in your life was Sarah. She was always happy for you, got excited for you, and uplifted you. And that is what she did. It took her five minutes of convincing before she left for her cabin with your 3 other mutual friends. 

You headed back to your cabin, but this time it was not empty. A man and a woman were sitting on the berth below yours. They looked like a couple, foreigners. They looked at you, smiled, gave a nod of their head, and continued their conversation in what you guessed was French. As you shuffled around getting your bed ready another man walks, dressed in sweatpants and a tight-fitting t-shirt. It was the brunette who ‘saved’ you a few hours earlier. 

Not knowing what to do, or if you should say something, you just continued making your bed in the upper berth. You realised that he also was sleeping in the upper berth when he tossed a few items up there. Once you were done, the couple’s talks died down and the woman asked, “Hi, we don’t mean to be a bother but we were wondering if you could just guide us on how to get the beds sorted. We are not exactly sure what to do.” 

The brunette man had left the room, seemingly to make a call. You smiled at the woman, “Oh, no worries.” you gave her your name and she replied, “I’m Charlotte, this is my boyfriend Lorenzo.” You smiled at him and then turned your attention towards Charlotte and began explaining what to do. Both lower berths were done and soon enough the green-eyed man returned. 

Charlotte said something to him in French. They knew each other. She turned to you, “and this is Charles, Enzo’s younger brother.” Even his name sounds regal. Before you could get a word in he said, “We’ve already met.” with a smile that seemed genuine. His brother gave him a questioning look and asked him in French. Charles gave a reply. It was now nearing midnight and you wanted to sleep soon. You were getting off at a station in the north of Goa, meaning you had to wake up early. Before you could head up to your berth, Charlotte asked if you could help Charles with his bed. She thanked you and then pulled her boyfriend out of the cabin and walked away, not really giving you an option. 

You looked at him and he looked at you, confused. “Do you know how to set the bed?” you asked with a smile on your face. “Not really, no,” he said with a laugh, “I could use some help.” So you helped him set the bed. In the meantime, you both spoke about different things. You told him about the weddings and plans to spend as much time on the beach as possible. He told you about how one of his co-workers told him about Goa’s splendour and fun and how he and his family are spending their holiday together. 

By the time the bed was set, you were sitting on your berth while he opted to stand, his height making it difficult to sit on the upper berth. It was now way past midnight. You were getting tired, though it seemed that he was wide awake. Charlotte and Lorenzo finally returned. Your conversation died down. You said that you had to get up early and were now going to sleep. They promised to keep quiet. You put your eye mask on and turned to the side letting the swaying motions of the train put you to sleep. 

With the amount of excitement inside of you, you were not able to sleep for very long. You were well rested but woke up at 6 am. The three Monegasques were fast asleep (i have no idea of Charlotte’s nationality so let’s just say she is from monaco). You sat up in bed and for a good five minutes just admired the sleeping body opposite of you. You checked your phone and found out that the train was delayed by 3 hours. This was ridiculous. Apparently, a large group of animals were crossing the tracks when a train was approaching and it caused an accident. 

You got out of bed and went to see if any of your friends were awake. Everyone was sleeping, except Sarah whose bed was empty. She was probably in the washroom. You decided that it was too early to do anything and so went back to your cabin, fetched your toiletry bag, freshened up, went back to bed, wrapped yourself in the itchy blanket, and opened Subway Surfers on your phone while your other hand held a cold sandwich. Your headphones played some music you had downloaded. An hour passed and you set a new high score for which you were proud. Charles woke up. 

You didn’t notice at first, but he saw you as soon as his eyes opened. You looked adorable wrapped up in the cocoon of the blanket. It was when he sat up that you saw him and gave him a smile and a small wave. His cheeks turned red and he waved back. His thoughts of you at that moment ranged from pure and soft to vulgar and wild, and it all lasted for less than a second. He got up and went out. You decided that you should go and check if Sarah is awake. When you reached her cabin, her bed was still empty. Feeling lazy, you made the decision to stand by the train door and hopefully catch some cold morning wind. 

Your hair went in a plait and you opened the train door which was left unlocked. The toilet door opened and out came the dreamy Monegasque. He came up to you, "Are you sure that is the safest thing to do?” 

“Not really, but that’s the fun in it.” there was a sparkle in your eye when you turned your head to look at him. 

“Are you even allowed to open the door?” his laugh made it clear he was fooling around with you.

“Technically no. But it wasn’t locked, so it's on them.” Your laugh sounded angelic to him. The hair which escaped your braid framed your face so beautifully, Charles could do nothing but stare at you. It took him a second to realise you were asking him something.

“Slept well?” he shook his head. “Not quite. The constant shaking made me restless.” “That happens. But eventually, you get used to it.” He asked how you slept and you answered ‘pretty good.’ He stood opposite of you resting on the wall behind him watching the wind blow your hair around as the sun began to rise. The pair marinated in comfortable silence until a staff member came and told you to move away and shut the door. The tranquil moment was broken, but neither of you wanted it to end. Without speaking a word, the two of you went inside the compartment but stayed outside your cabin. 

“Well, we did speak last night but I do not know much about you.” 

“In that case, what would you like to know?”

He leans against the train wall, his arms crossed, your pose mimicking his. He thinks for a second and proceeds to ask, “How often do you travel?” “Not very often,” you respond, “I sometimes go for a weekend trip to nearby hill stations, but that's usually the max I travel.” 

“So no foreign trips?” 

“I don’t exactly have the funds for it,” you chuckle, “between getting a visa organised, praying that my leave from work gets approved, to finding flights, I just find it not worth the effort. I would be spending three months of my salary for just 10 days of vacation which I would rather spend finishing work which equals more money.”

He seemed perplexed by your answer, confusion evident on his face. “And would I be right in assuming that you travel abroad very often?” you ask, a bit of a smirk showing. He smiles and looks down, his hair moving due to this movement. Your eyes were fixed on this as he answered, “You would.” “And why do you travel the world, Charles?”

He smiles, that lovely smile, “I-uh, I drive expensive cars for very wealthy people around the world.” You smiled, but something about that answer felt false. Like he wasn’t telling you everything, but it didn’t seem like he was lying. “Does that mean you know much about cars then?” “I’d like to think I do.” 

The smiles never left either of your faces as the conversation continued. You mentioned how your brother works with different types of cars and how they are his life. “I should meet him then, test my knowledge about cars,” Charles said. 

“Trust me you don’t, he gets very excited when someone mentions anything about cars. Once he starts, he does not stop.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t mind, I am a good listener.”

"Tell me something you like." the driver asked after a while of the train being halted. You looked out of the hazy window and replied, "The sun." He cocked an eyebrow. "I could go on and on about it." "Well, I did say I am a good listener," said Charles.

The conversation went on for what felt like hours. But soon enough you felt the train start to finally move. You both decided to head back to the cabin, but you were stopped when one of your friends called out to you to join them. You were disappointed, gave Charles a short apology, and followed behind your friend. 

By the time you were able to go back to your cabin, the train had reached the final platform where you were getting off. You were hoping to catch a glimpse of Charles before leaving, but sadly when you returned to your cabin, it was empty save for your luggage and belongings. You gathered all of your items and met your group on the platform. The two cars which were rented for the next two weeks were there waiting for you. Everyone got in and drove off to the rest houses. You were the designated driver for Car 1, which gave you very little opportunity to think about not getting to say goodbye to Charles. 

Little did you know that you would meet him once again, very soon. 

Translations

Bhaiya jaldi karo, train jaa rahi hai! - Brother hurry up, the train is leaving!

Chhutta rakh lena! - Keep the change(money)

thaili - bag (in this case it is a black plastic bag)

A/N - i had so much fun writing this. i already have part 2 in the works. if this fic is well received, i'll post the next part. Hope you enjoyed reading❤️

If you want to find out more about me or my works, you can head to my navigation.

@sam-is-lost @juleswrites223

[dangermousie]

Now, we all love noble and heroic good guys. But sometimes, in the safe confines of fiction, nothing is as fun as a really trash man. Here is a description of our trash contestants:

Shen Yurong, The Double

Pros: really good at exams, flute playing and being a murderous sub.

Cons: terrible at wife murder (tho perhaps that's a plus?), moral backbone of a sponge, sis and mom would make bad in laws.

Murong Xuanlie, Kill Me Love Me

Pros: looks really good with hair loose, big on women having careers outside the home, devoted to one woman only, great kisser.

Cons: murdered 100K+ people, wants to be a fratricide, gaslight girlboss gatekeep is his motto.

Second Prince, Joy of Life 2

Pros: swing in the middle of his house, likes chess and fruit, funny.

Cons: can't decide if he wants to fuck or fuck over Fan Xian; indecisiveness is not sexy in a man.

Di Lin, Eternal Brotherhood

Pros: loving husband, great friend, victorious general, makes toys for his unborn kids.

Cons: royal executioner who puts cities and armies and families to the sword, the soap and water bills for all that blood will be huge.

Hei Long, Burning Flames

Pros: a definite style trend setter, walks barefoot everywhere thus saving money on footwear, devoted to his lover.

Cons: like the way eviler version of Zeus; only hobby appears to be enslaving humans which can get boring after a while.

Wei Zhao, Love of Nirvana

Pros: Hot, sword dance skills, you will have no in-laws.

Cons: love language appears to be choking, poisoning and stabbing.

Ruo Wen, Love in the Desert

Pros: a really good time, very few shirts, knows what to do in bed, has his own banging theme song.

Cons: murdering bandit with limited notions of consent; plus his gf will prolly stab you.

Yang Kang, The Legend of Heroes

Pros: really sexy about his daddy and mommy issues, that hair!

Cons: his murder happy identity crisis requires serious therapy he can't afford

Lu Jiaxue, The Rise of Ning

Pros: he's already got your wedding chamber, jewelry, dolls and accessories ready - perfect for a lady who doesn't like housework

Cons: chokes women like he's in a mini.

Cang Xuan, Lost You Forever 2

Pros: smart, devoted, royal, breaks down beautifully

Cons: many other wives, can feed your hands to maggots or kill your boyfriend, serious cousin kink, character massacred by the writer.

Wang Jia Luo, Heroes (2024)

Pros: can recite reams of poetry, will protect you to the utmost if you are damsel

Cons: if you are not a damsel will murder you and not blink; in fact will murder you for jaywalking as Qing reincarnation of Javert.

Please be aware I excluded MLs from minis because otherwise I could never fit anyone into one poll.

[doberbutts]

It was a year or two ago some annoying terf was harassing me because I'm a terrible evil trans man beguiling and leading gay men astray with my gross vagina or whatever

And at some point how women are born with vaginas and men are born with penises and that was that

And I replied 'what about those who are born into the space inbetween? Women with psuedo-penises? Testicles where ovaries should be? Naturally higher testosterone? Facial and body hair?'

And naturally she screeched about how I was an evil tra who throws intersex people under the bus when intersex people have asked to be left out of this conversation.

But the problem is... I was talking about MYSELF. If you're going to forcibly label me a woman because I was born with a vagina, I'm going to require you to tell me what your definition of "woman" is that doesn't inherently exclude me from being ABLE to be labeled such.

A woman is someone born with a vagina, ovaries, and a uterus? And never with testes, prostate, and penis? Well I have a little of column A and a little of column B and that is without any amount of surgery or medical procedure.

A woman is someone whose endocrine system is estrogen-dominant? Sorry, that's never been me, I've always had higher testosterone than estrogen even before I went on T.

A woman doesn't need to shave her face? My beard predates my HRT. Doesn't have an adam's apple? I've had one since puberty. Cannot penetrate a partner without the help of a toy? Can and have. Body capable of creating new life? I've got it on pretty good authority that I've been infertile since the day I was born and that if I did somehow manage to get pregnant the fetus likely would never be viable anyway.

Doctors are sure she's a female baby the moment she comes out? Well considering my name was almost Jon Roger before the doctor realized he needed to take a second glance...

Has XX chromosomes? Well since I figured out this year that I for sure am intersex I do actually know my chromosomes now... but I didn't before. XY babies with my condition usually just die and those who do survive aren't intersex so I have to be XX since I made it to 30 without dying (I mean I tried real hard tho) without medical intervention. But if we're basing it on just XX or XY then you still have to put forth the effort of figuring out where you sort all the other possible configurations such as XY babies that look identical to XX babies and were often not caught until something was medically wrong with them that required a deeper look than just what was on the surface.

[writing-for-life]

The Portrayal of Womanhood in A Game of You

I’ll be honest with you: Writing about The Sandman with a focus on (queer) women surely feels different in light of the recent allegations.

This meta has been languishing in my drafts for a long time, and since I’m currently clearing the pile, I will still publish it. Mostly because these views are mine and not someone else’s. And also because they’re critical to a degree. However, if you feel that these are topics that you currently find hard to engage with, this is the exit sign (I totally get it).

With that out of the road, let’s talk about the women of A Game of You (and why it was always one of my least favourite arcs, despite the fact that my literary and thematic preferences should have made it one of my favourite ones)…

Gender roles are a central theme in A Game of You. Before the arc even moves into these themes on a deeper level, we already get this:

Barbie tells Wanda that she wasn’t allowed to read comics when she was a young girl. And that immediately struck a chord with me upon my first reading as a teenager: I was allowed to read comics, but I still remember getting the side-eye, especially from boys. Somehow, you didn’t belong to their club (even if you arguably knew more about Batman than they did 🤣). The reason Barbie gives us is that reading comics supposedly rendered her “unladylike” (yes, comics were considered “boyish”, at least when I was a teenager, and this is exactly the time we’re talking about here). But it’s not just about how a girl is supposed to act—it’s also about actively excluding her from something that’s only for men/boys. And while the topic of, “What’s a girl supposed (and allowed!) to be like?” isn’t something either particularly dwell on in that moment, Wanda faces the struggle of having to define and fight for her womanhood daily: As a trans woman, she feels resistance on a constant basis. When she talks about Weirdzos from the Hyperman comics, this is actually a nod to DC’s Bizarro, who could be described as Superman’s shadow (there’s a whole story why they were called Weirdzos instead of Bizarros in The Sandman, but that’d lead too far here. You’ll probably find it on Google).

Close enough to the “real thing”, but always “slightly off”

And Wanda carries the shadow of her biology. All the time. There’s no escape for her, no respite, no true support.

We also see this in a scene with Hazel, one of Wanda's neighbours who lives in a lesbian relationship with her girlfriend Foxglove. Hazel noticed that Wanda has "a thingie." Despite the fact that a lot of “weird” things are happening in those panels, part of that is definitely that Wanda has not fully (in Hazel’s eyes) transitioned:

What is she, exactly (not who)?

And that question gets answered very painfully when Wanda, Hazel, Foxglove, and Thessaly come together to free Barbie from being trapped in the Dreaming. Thessaly is sure she can defeat the Cuckoo that holds Barbie captive. However, she needs menstrual blood to perform a ritual that will allow them to traverse the Moon Road into the Dreaming. During this process, Thessaly insensitively refers to Wanda as a man and prevents her from joining the journey with Foxglove and Hazel (and no, this isn’t about “Thessaly the TERF”—I already made my position on that clear and think that whole discussion needs a lot more nuance than fandom is often willing to engage in).

Maiden, Mother and Crone

Thessaly's statement, "This isn’t your route. It can’t be," further highlights the discrimination Wanda faces on a daily basis. She “isn’t” seen as a woman now, and she “can’t” ever be, even if she had reassignment surgery—Wanda would still be seen as a man by the ancient powers that be.

Wanda's struggle, more than any other character's, highlights the ongoing conflict between self-identity and societal perception of women. And that’s unfortunately still a struggle most women face. But Wanda’s character is particularly poignant because she is repeatedly forced to reaffirm her sense of self, only to be torn down again and again. Even Barbie, who always supports her and would probably never knowingly hurt her, says this when Wanda reveals her childhood name:

“Alvin? That's your real name?"

Please imagine what it must feel like if even the ones closest to you refer to your dead name as your “real” name, even if it’s without malicious intent (of course Barbie makes good on that later, but…).

Wanda can never truly find comfort in anyone. She is constantly confronted with the disparity between her self-perception and how the world views her. Ultimately, Wanda's exclusion from entering the Dreaming (and there’s more symbolism in that than you can shake a stick at—not just because she’s denied her womanhood, but also because she is denied entering a place of hope and possibility, and not least because she is denied being capable and having agency: Thessaly repeatedly acknowledges Wanda is important, and that she needs her help. But that’s on her terms, not Wanda’s) leads to her tragic death: The storm caused by drawing down the moon destroys the apartment where Wanda remains to watch over Barbie’s body.

And that’s why Wanda’s arc in the comics will always stay problematic to me (I don’t know how optimistic I can be for the TV series, because we’ve already seen her headstone in BTS shots, even if her overall arc seems to have changed): Dream grants Barbie a boon, which she uses to save the women in the Dreaming, but Wanda is not among them. There is no saving her—not in this world, not in any other.

Wanda's conservative parents bury her with her deadname Alvin Mann (and her second name adds insult to injury, because it is the German spelling of “man”, as in “male”. And again, I’m somewhat glad they have changed this for the series, as seen on said headstone, because I never got why choosing that name was necessary in the first place. Or let’s say: I get it, but I don’t think it was needed and was layered on too thick. Sometimes subtle does it, sorry).

Why is Wanda so consistently shamed, while Hazel and Foxglove's lesbian relationship is regarded not a big deal (I’m obviously not insinuating it should be, see my disclaimer at the bottom of this post)? Although I have to admit there are things about that one that always rubbed me up the wrong way, too: The dumbing down of Hazel (honestly, most of us were not that clueless about reproduction in the 80s and 90s, lesbians or otherwise), the play on butch/femme stereotypes to then clumsily try to turn them on their heads (which did not work for me), the still somewhat male gaze applied to Foxglove (she didn’t have to sleep naked with her tits on display, did she?), the implication that all women somehow end up as mothers (if they don’t end up dead), even if just “accidentally”… There’s a whole lot to be said about the topic of motherhood, and how it gets instrumentalised in several Sandman arcs, but maybe that’s for another time...

To explore that question, I want to have a closer look at Barbie, who is a (in my view, often clumsy) stand-in for the gender-identity of many (CIS) women.

A quick throwback to The Doll’s House

The first signs of Barbie's identity crisis don't appear in A Game of You, but rather in The Doll's House. She is introduced as one half of “Ken-Barbie”: They finish each other's sentences, Barbie lacks a distinct personality and is completely overshadowed by being a “traditional wife” (maybe not the type of trad wife we think about today, and yet…). The fact that she and Ken share names with plastic dolls underscores the artificial nature of their identities and their relationship.

Barbie's dream-life always felt more authentic and meaningful to her than her waking reality—that’s why she is only a shell of herself when she can’t dream (after the vortex interlude with Rose Walker). She is passive, conforms to her father's expectations of being "ladylike" and adheres to “good” CIS- and heteronormative behaviour. And then, after her divorce, she feels uprooted, shows little motivation and relies on Wanda for support. Freeing herself from her shackles could have been a story of reclaiming her power without the layer of implied loneliness (I’ll get to that). Instead, she needs to suffer for a bit…

Barbie being trapped in her dream world also traps her in a state of passivity: Dreams are not real. You can make them real, but that’s not what she does—they are a maladjusted escape for her. And yet (or maybe rather “because”), instead of directly confronting and fighting the Cuckoo, Barbie smashes the Porpentine (much to the Cuckoo's delight).

Upon waking…

Upon waking, Barbie's personality hasn't changed much from the woman we first met. When she goes to Wanda’s funeral, she struggles to defend Wanda from her transphobic aunt despite trying.

However, she engages in a small but significant act of rebellion by crossing out "Alvin" on Wanda's headstone with her favourite lipstick and writes her real name instead.

Barbie then recalls a dream she had while traveling to Wanda's funeral. In this dream, she sees Wanda not as she was in life, but as an idealised version of herself—soft, more curved, and wearing a pink dress. Death stands beside Wanda, symbolising that she is recognised for who she truly is.

And I get it: The idea was to say, “She was always a woman, even to the cosmic powers that be. Eat that, Thessaly and everyone else.” But there’s also the part of me that wants to say, “You know what? She was good the way she was. Perfect in her imperfection. We didn’t need to affirm her womanhood by showing her as a stereotypical woman.” The use of “perfect” and “drop-dead gorgeous” always really rubbed me up the wrong way in relation to the way she was portrayed in that panel. Because it portrays a stereotypical woman: That’s what you look like if you need to/want to pass. And this applies, sadly enough, to all women in one way or another, no matter what gender we were assigned at birth. But if that scene holds meaning to people, I also get it. My more critical take on it is maybe down to my own history (again: disclaimer at the bottom of this post).

Simultaneously, the destruction of the Land in the Dreaming grants Barbie a newfound independence. She is now alone, without her best friend or the friends of her dreams, but these losses have given her freedom. And for a moment, loneliness becomes the ultimate resolution to Barbie's identity conflict. And I found that idea horrible, I’ll be brutally honest with you:

On the final page of A Game of You, Barbie is shown alone, waiting for a bus to an unknown destination. She reflects on her dream of Wanda, where she had the chance to say goodbye to her past life. For a moment, she stands rigidly still, and that moment feels… really long? Separated from her past and facing an uncertain future, she is free from anyone's expectations or desires. And maybe, in that simplicity, she finds freedom.

And maybe, A Game of You challenges the idea that we have full control over our identities. Our self-perception and how others perceive us are always influenced by external factors. And somewhat, I could never quite shake the feeling the story equates the removal of the ties that bind us (in this case: relationships) and/or death with freedom: Wanda only fully realises her identity in death, and Barbie feels most liberated when she is free from past entanglements and future obligations. Whether that notion is truly rejected in the end is probably down to the reader: Barbie turns and runs towards her bus, heading into a future that, while uncertain, maybe also holds a glimmer of hope. Unfortunately, none of the women of The Sandman get off particularly well in that department, and that is a common theme…

Disclaimer: I write this as a CIS bisexual woman in her 40s who has been in relationships with both women and men for 30+ years. Two of them led to marriage/civil partnership: One with a CIS woman, also bi (we were together for 10 years, 3 of them in a CP), one with my now husband (CIS straight man, married for 10 years, together longer, and we have a kid together). I don’t need to tell you this, but I am because I think it is important to disclose my own bias and experiences as a queer woman in the 90s, which include coming out, experiencing bi-erasure and misogyny from both inside and outside the LGBTQ+ community. As such, they will definitely colour the way I read and interpret A Game of You.

[redditreceipts]

so this is a kinda interesting post, because it seems to be an honest attempt at answering the question "What is a woman" in a non-circular and trans-inclusive way:

So OP says that this definition gets rid of the circularity, and he's right in that. Saying that a woman is "someone who identifies as female" is better than saying that a woman is "someone who identifies as a woman". But what he's kinda missing here is that the "circularity"-criticism of the standard definition is only one of the many criticisms we have. I mean, a definition not being circular is kinda the basic requirement that every definition should fulfill. But there are more criticisms that I have with the definition proposed by OP:

This definition doesn't help us to make sense of the world. If we want understand workplace discrimination, for example, it doesn't help us to ask "do you identify as female"? A person presenting as a man but identifying as a woman would not experience misogyny, but a person identifying as male and presenting as a woman would experience misogyny. We could not understand discrimination, because there is nothing that would connect women other than their female identity. It has close to no analytical value, and is therefore a bad choice in sociological discussions.

It leaves out a ton of trans people who recognise their biological sex. If you scroll my blog just a little bit, there is a ton of trans people telling me that they understand themselves as a "female man" or "male woman", and that they still recognise their biological sex and that it's important for their identity. A large percentage of trans people don't identify with the sex they are transitioning towards, and they would be excluded from your definition.

A large percentage of women don't identify with their sex any more than they identify with their hair color or their height. These people would be excluded from your definition. I, for example, don't really identify with my sex and I couldn't care less whether I was born male or female. Being female is not a part of my identity.

There are people who, due to illness or disability, don't identify as a certain sex. If I was for example in a coma, I wouldn't think anything and therefore not identify as any sex. Would I be agender for the time I'm in a coma? Or what if I'm dreaming and in my dream, I'm male? Would I be then a man for the time? Or would my dream-me be a man and the sleeping body still be a woman? Or do I have to be of sound mind for my identity to be valid? What about very dysphoric people? Would they be of a sound mind? And what about people with a severe disability, who can't move or speak? It is possible that they don't identify with any sex, maybe they don't even really understand the categories of "male" and "female". Would a thirty-year old biological female who has such a severe disability that she has never spoken nor reacted to a spoken word, and can't control her limbs to move, be considered a woman if we don't even know that she knows what the differences between the sexes are?

How can we call anyone a man or a woman if they never expressed an identification with any sex? For example, I don't know whether my great-grandmother has ever said that she identifies as a woman. Should I therefore not consider her to be a woman? What about Ötzi, the frozen man from the stone age that was found thousands of years later? We don't know what he identified as. How can we then refer to him?

How does the definition "a woman is someone who identifies as female" improve our understanding of the world in comparison to the former definition of "adult human female"? It has a lot of downsides, for sure.

I'm of course open for discussion! Tell me what you think :)

[ozzgin]

What type of woman would pickle would be attracted to? Like a woman from the modern world

Lmao I can just see Baki giving Pickle photo's of women, like models etc. Etc. And he shows reader to pickle, and he quickly falls inlove

What type of woman would reader be?

Sorry if this is confusing

-🎧anon

So, I can definitely imagine this scenario and I think it’d be cute and funny, but the part where I offer concrete answers is where it gets tricky. I don’t want to detail much on physical appearance because then I’d risk excluding readers. Ultimately I think that any kind of appearance could be considered attractive to Pickle. Allow me to explain:

One possibility is that he’d be inclined to go for someone that resembles him in features. So a reader that’s dark skinned, dark haired and has non-Caucasian characteristics would pique his interest because it brings him the comfort of familiarity. He’d think you’re one of his people and cling to you as a reminder of home.

But the complete opposite is also a possibility. Maybe a pale, foreign looking reader would attract him out of sheer novelty. Back in his time he would’ve never seen a human with this kind of appearance and it makes him extremely curious. Same would go for anything in between, any mix of traits is basically unusual to him. (Although I just had this funny idea that he’d be initially wary and afraid of a reader with brightly dyed hair because they could be poisonous or something, just like animals in the wild that use color to warn predators)

As for other details such as body shape and height, it wouldn’t really make a difference to him. Whether reader is short, skinny or chubby, tall or strong, Pickle’s role of being the protector still stands.

I guess this logic works for any character, haha.

[poledancingdinos]

Hostile Territory - Chapter 24

Pairing: Captain Syverson x OFC (Leah Coleman)

Word count: 4.2K

Warnings: Angst

Catch up: Series Masterlist

Taglist: @amberangel112 @utterlyhopeful-fics @marantha @kebabgirl67 @littleone65 @omgkatinka @luclittlepond @athenepromachos @enchantedbytomandhenry @narnianaos @geralts-yenn @peaches1958 @avengersfan25 @sillyrabbit81 @summersong69 @identity2212 @liecastillo @lena-banena @mrsevans90 @confessionbrain-writings @eclecticfashionbookszipper @happydistraction @hannah9921 @valacircareads @toooldforobsessions @kingliam2019 @rosecentury

Masterlist

Day 215

Meetings were undoubtedly the worst invention in the history of humanity. Okay, there were some worse inventions but Sy couldn’t think of any, what with having used up all his brain power justifying every decision he’d made in the past year.

“What about the girl?”

Sy clenched his jaw to keep from barking the wrong thing. “Corporal Coleman? What about her?”

He hated the detached tone of his own voice. It was not a tone a man should ever use when talking about the woman he loved.

“The only reason she’s made it this far is because she had excellent marksmanship scores and had the best performance out of all the women during the physical fitness tests but she was completely untested in the field. Seeing now that she was injured within her first week tells me she isn’t cut out for this.”

“With all due respect Sir, she suffered minor injuries where many of my other men would have gone home in a bag. She more than proved herself to be field ready during her time at Warhorse and it would be foolish to exclude her from this next mission and separate her from her squad. Sergeant Fuller’s entire team is thrivin’ under his command.”

Some of the men around the table nodded in understanding but the man at the head of the table pursed his lips. “We’ll take that into consideration.”

Luckily the man to his left didn’t seem to share the same backwards opinion about women in the military and intervened on Leah’s behalf.

“Whatever group is selected will be performin’ a month long trainin' exercise before their mission. I suggest that we allow Corporal Coleman to participate and re-evaluate at a later date.”

“Yes,” the old fucker eventually agreed, “I suppose that would be acceptable.” It was obvious those words tasted terrible coming out of his mouth. “Are there any pain points we need to watch out for? How is she taking orders?”

Sy shifted in his seat, working hard to keep his mind from going to inappropriate places. This was not the time for his dick to go half-mast.

“She obeys them if that’s the question.” It was a half truth but there was no way Sy would give them any ammunition against Leah. She obeyed orders when it mattered, that was the most important thing. There wouldn’t be a repeat of the Niki incident so there was no point in bringing it up.

“Right. That brings us to our next point of attention.”

Sy may or may not have partially checked out after that. The rest of the meeting was marginally better with the knowledge that Leah was going to be given a shot. It didn’t sound like they were giving her a fair shot but at least she would have the chance to prove herself. And the memory of Leah being very good at taking orders.

Day 216

Leah startled as a heavy bag was dropped at her feet, nearly spilling her overpriced latte.

“Damn, Coleman, what’s got you looking like someone just kicked your puppy?”

BJ fell into the seat across from her, causing the chair to creak under his weight. His comment fell short of making her smile but she made an effort to show she was pleased to see him..

“I’m sorry, are you lost, kiddo? Do you need me to help you find your mommy?”

“Ha ha. Very funny, Princess.”

Leaning back, Leah pulled her hair over her shoulder, running it through her fingers. Even beardless, one could not describe BJ as having a baby face but it would definitely take some getting used to.

“I guess it doesn’t look so good if you don’t follow the grooming standards on your first day back from R&R.”

“No it does not.”

It hadn’t even occurred to her that Sy would have to do the same. He’d still been sporting his full beard when he’d left the night before.

“So… Any particular reason you’re just hanging out at the airport like a weirdo?”

That did succeed in making Leah crack a smile. Rolling her eyes, she kicked BJ under the table.

“I was savoring one last decent cup of coffee.”

BJ stole said cup, taking a sip. “You know that thing is stone cold right?”

“Maybe that’s what I ordered,” she grumbled, knowing very well that the cardboard sleeve on her cup was meant to protect you from the heat, not the cold.

She didn’t try to get her drink back. She’d only ordered it to have an excuse to sit on the comfortable bench in the cafe’s dining area rather than out by the doors.

“Do anything interesting while you were home?” BJ asked, taking a large gulp of the coffee, not at all bothered that it was no longer warm.

Leah knew he was fishing for juicy details about her and Sy but she wasn’t in the right headspace to talk about that.

“I got some new ink,” she said instead.

BJ perked up anyway. “No shit? Can I see?”

Leah grabbed her phone, finding the picture and handing it over.

“Looks fucking great, Coleman,” he said after a few moments of close inspection, zooming in and out. “Did you post this anywhere?”

“Uh, no. I just took it for me, why?”

“Oh, you know… your secret relationship might not stay secret for long if anyone spots what’s hanging over the back of that chair.”

Leah snatched the phone out of BJ’s hand, zooming in to see what the hell he was talking about. Sure enough, draped over the back of her desk chair was a very familiar red t-shirt.

“Fuck. BJ you can’t—”

“I know,” he assured, cutting her off. “I know what this could mean for the both of you.”

He raised his hand to his chin only to drop it as he remembered there was no beard left to stroke. After glancing behind him to make sure they were still alone in the back corner, BJ leaned forward on the table.

“This is gonna sound cold as fuck but I’m more worried about Sy than I am you. Sy’s already thirteen years in. Seven more and he gets his retirement which he really fucking deserves after the shit we’ve been through.”

Leah hadn’t considered that. A lot could happen in seven years but BJ was right that Sy losing his benefits after already serving so much time would suck. 

“I don’t know what to do, BJ. The rules are clear about officer/enlisted relationships.”

At the very least, BJ looked genuinely sympathetic.  “How long do you have left?”

He meant how long before her minimum commitment was up.

“About twenty-six months but I was planning to stay on afterwards.” If she didn’t get herself blown up first.

“Have you thought about becoming an officer? Then in a couple of years you guys could say you just started dating.”

She had and she’d already mentally crossed it out.

“I have less than half of an art degree, there’s no way I can possibly get the rest of my credits online from Warhorse.”

“Then you better make sure you get that shit locked up tight because you’ll both be fucked if word gets out.”

When they arrived at the base, the room was filled with the sound of soldiers greeting each other. Man hugs and pats on the back were exchanged all around. Leah’s boys enthusiastically lifted her in the air while the others mostly stuck to fist bumps. 

Their reunion was interrupted by a shrill whistle and every head turned towards Sy. Leah’s breath hitched as she spotted her man standing in the doorway with arms crossed over his chest. His beardless face was no less attractive and just as stern. She didn’t like the way all the tension that had faded from his features over the last two weeks had returned. Leah continued to study him, appreciating how handsome he was in his full uniform, until her eyes fixed on his chest.

“I need team leaders with me.”

As the men followed Sy, a round of whispers erupted around the room.

“What is that all about?”

“Why do they need a briefing? I thought we were all going back to Baqubah.”

“It’s probably nothing. He’s probably just updating them on what has been going on at Warhorse since we’ve been gone.”

Leah continued to stare at the space Sy had occupied moments before.

“Coleman?” Ethan waved a hand in front of Leah’s face. “Why do you look like you’ve just seen a ghost?”

Leah turned her head, finding three worried faces looking back at her.

“Cap’s uniform,” she said on an exhale.

Jer shook his head, not understanding what she was saying. “What about it?”

“Seriously?” When her voice came out as a panicked squeak, she cleared her throat. “Have you guys forgotten what it’s supposed to look like?”

Ethan’s eyes went wide. “Oh shit. Guys, she’s right.”

“About what?” Jer asked.

It was Rohan who responded for them. “We can’t call him ‘Cap’ anymore.”

The team leaders returned, Sy and his newly earned Major’s rank following close behind.

They gathered around Benjie, eager to hear what their orders were.

“We’re flying out but we aren’t going East. Don’t bother unpacking. We’re lifting off at fourteen hundred hours.”

As Leah ran around the base, she grew more and more worried she wouldn’t find Sy in time. She’d called five times with no answer and was down to only ten minutes before she absolutely had to be gone. He wasn’t in his room, the mess hall or the gym.

As it turned out, he’d been looking for her too.

“Coleman, finally.”

Relief swept over her at the sound of his voice. Though she wanted to run into his arms, she knew that there were eyes on them even if no one was around. She made her way to him at a very normal, not at all inappropriate, speed.

“What’s this?” she asked as Sy handed her a folded piece of paper. 

“My parents' address down in Georgia. If ya ever feel like writin’, send it there and my parents will make sure I get it.”

Leah frowned as she took it.

“Why can’t I just send it straight to you?”

The muscles ticked in Sy’s jaw, fully visible now that he was clean shaven. His non-answer as he looked down at the ground was enough.

“Because you don’t want anyone to realize I’m writing to you,” she concluded, feeling like an utter fool.

A month ago she would never have even considered starting anything with Sy for that exact reason. In the safety of her hometown, surrounded by her friends and family, she’d forgotten all about how he could be the end of her career. The reminder that she could only ever be Sy’s dirty little secret was like a bucket of ice water being dumped over her head.

“There’s a reason this shit is forbidden, Leah. I had to sit in front of my superiors and defend why ya should be allowed to follow the rest of the team on this trainin’ exercise. If it came out that we were in a relationship, they would automatically assume it was all bullshit even if every word I spoke about your skills was true. If we get found out, they can’t ever know how far back it started. If they look into your history under my command there can’t be any signs of impropriety or favoritism.”

Leah couldn’t help but wonder if he was just saying that to make her feel better. It felt like a cruel twist on the classic ‘it’s not you, it’s me’. I’m not protecting my own ass, I’m protecting yours.

“You said that when our two weeks were over we wouldn’t be apart.”

Sy had to ball his hands into fists to keep from reaching for her. Leah’s face was a blank mask but he could see the tears forming in her eyes and could hear the way her voice broke.

“I know. This isn’t what I was expectin’ either. Hopefully we’ll both be somewhere where we can use our cellphones.”

He knew damn well that was unlikely, hence the slip of paper with his parents’ address. He was going back to Warhorse for a few weeks before moving to a still undetermined location. Neither of them knew where they would be a month from then, let alone a year.

“Did you conveniently forget to tell me you were up for a promotion? Even if they hadn’t taken us out of Baqubah, you being promoted would still have meant leaving Warhorse.”

Shaking his head, Sy looked down at the insignia on his chest. “I thought we’d have more time. Those things aren’t automatic at my grade.”

“Right.”

He was losing her. Every wall and defense he’d worked so hard to knock down was slowly being rebuilt right before his eyes and he felt powerless to stop it.

“Darlin’,” he murmured, making sure no one could possibly overhear. “This doesn’t change anything between us. The timin’ is shit, I’ll give ya that, but don’t think for a fuckin’ second that this changes us.”

“How can it not?”

The defeat in her voice broke his heart.

“I won’t lie and say I know how this is all gonna work. Fuck, the truth is I ain’t got a damn clue what to do here. Please, just give us a chance to figure this out.”

Leah blinked back the tears threatening to fall. Sy could tell she was battling the urge to push him away and spare herself further heartache. If she did, there was nothing he could do to stop her.

She shut her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest and rubbing her arms up and down like she was cold. They were silent for so long, Sy almost thought she wouldn’t say anything at all.

Then, in the greatest demonstration of her trust he could ever witness, she looked back up and spoke a whispered ‘okay’.

There was so much more that needed to be said but their time had run out. 

“Coleman, Jesus, we’ve been looking all over for you, girl. We’re moving out.”

Leah quickly took two steps back. Luckily for them, Sy stood between her and Jer as he approached so he didn’t see how close the two had been standing.

“Thanks again, Major. Take care of Aika for me.”

Those shouldn’t have been their parting words. He should have told her he loved her. He should have made it clear that that wouldn’t change even with the distance. Instead, he’d lectured her about why their relationship was wrong when he’d been the one to push for it in the first place.

As he watched her walk away, Leah peaked over her shoulder. Not wasting his opportunity, he mouthed those oh so important words just as she turned the corner.

Moving on auto-pilot, Sy made his way back to his room. After unlocking the door and stepping inside, his foot suddenly slid out from under him. He narrowly avoided falling on his ass by catching hold of the doorframe.

“The fuck?”

He looked down at the large manila envelope which was blank save for his bootprint. Shutting the door, Sy leaned down to pick up the offending item. There was no way it was an official communication of any sort and there was only one person who would bother sliding something under his door.

Sy found a knife, cutting open the top of the envelope and carefully pulling out the contents. The yellow paper had gotten wrinkled from being stepped on but it seemed Leah had had the forethought to protect whatever was inside by putting it between two sheets of rigid cardboard.

Between them, Sy found an expensive looking piece of paper on which Leah had drawn in ink. It was a snarling wolf, the lines of its body bold and sharp unlike the matching pattern on his back which had faded from his shower and the friction of his clothing. She’d signed the image with her initials and added yesterday’s date.

That was when Sy lost it. Though he was tempted to hold the drawing close to his chest, he had just enough presence of mind to put it back in the envelope and set it on the table before sitting on the edge of the bed. There, with his elbows resting on his knees and his head in his hands, Sy wept.

Day 214

Golden rays of sunlight filtering into the bedroom roused Sy from his deep slumber. Laying on his stomach with his face buried in a fluffy pillow, he almost let himself drift back to sleep but a strange tickling sensation running across his back forced his mind to slowly come back into awareness.

He kept his eyes closed as he took note of his surroundings—the cool air of the room on his naked back, the pitter patter of rain hitting the window, the lingering scent of cedar on her sheets. When he finally remembered where he’d fallen asleep the night before, he was easily able to identify the now familiar sensation of Leah’s marker gliding across his skin.

“What am I gettin’ this time?” he asked, his voice still rough with sleep.

She hadn’t done much drawing in the past ten days, preferring to enjoy the time they had together, but she’d pulled her sketchbook out once or twice. The day Sy stayed in one place long enough to buy his own couch he was going to get a couch that pulled out like Leah’s. It was perfect for lazy evenings spent cuddling together.

It had been raining almost non-stop for the past three days, forcing them to stay indoors. Not that Sy was complaining. Any time he could spend with Leah next to him was time well spent.

“I’m drawing Fenrir, it’s a creature from Norse mythology.”

Thinking back to his conversation with Niki about Leah’s drawings being her diary, he couldn’t help but be curious if this particular drawing had a hidden meaning behind it. 

“I feel like I’ve seen the name before but I don’t remember what it looks like.”

“It’s basically a big angry wolf. The short version of the story is that there was a prophecy saying Fenrir would be involved in the demise of the Gods during Ragnarok. They tried preventing this by tricking Fenrir into allowing himself to be bound by requesting that he test the strength of the bindings. Fenrir obviously didn’t want to stay trapped so he requested a sign of good faith by holding the hand of a god in his jaws as they tested the ties. When he realized he wouldn’t be released, he bit the hand clean off. In the end he still broke free, unleashing chaos and devouring Odin before meeting his own end.”

Maybe it was best if Sy didn’t try to read too far into this one. They had enough death, chaos and destruction in their line of work.

“Is the wolf on your thigh supposed to be Fenrir?”

“No, mine is just a normal earth-roaming wolf. They are gorgeous creatures.”

Sy opened one eye, peeking at Leah over his shoulder. “You were team Jacob weren’t ya?”

Once again, Leah was surprised by his knowledge of such a female oriented piece of pop culture.

���Only in the books. He’s kind of a whiny bitch in the movies.”

Sy attempted to keep his body still as he chuckled, praying he wasn’t messing up the lines of Leah’s drawing.

“How many sisters have you got again?”

“I’ve got two older sisters and twin younger brothers.”

Leah paused what she was doing, shifting to straddle one of Sy’s thighs now that he was awake.

“Wow. That must have been chaotic. We outnumbered dad two to one, I can’t imagine if it had been five to two.”

“It was mostly calm until the twins came along. Olivia and Abigail are eleven months apart and were both quiet, studious types. I’m three years younger than Abi and five and a half years older than Jackson and Austin.”

“Are you guys close?”

Seeing as this was the first time she heard all of their names, she could already guess the answer to that question.

“Not really. I mean, the girls and the twins are inseparable pairs but I never got along with the girls growin’ up and the twins were only twelve when I left.”

Maybe his sister had had a point after all. He’d been absent more than he’d been present in his brothers’ lives. He knew shockingly little of who they had grown up to be.

“I guess it’s kind of my own fault in a way. I was so desperate to leave because of how out of place I felt that I never really gave them the chance to show me things could be different now.”

It had been jarring to see the twins with babies the first time. In his mind, he still pictured them both as scrawny, shaggy-haired pre-teens.

“Why did you feel out of place?”

“I was always the odd one out. Even before the twins came along, the girls were always off doin’ their own thing.”

Too often he saw himself as a burden on the family. Like he was the extra mouth to feed and not much more.

“Is the relationship as strained with your parents as it is with your siblings?”

“No, my mama is the sweetest woman. A homemaker through and through. She stayed with us until the twins started school and even then she only went back part-time until I graduated. My dad worked a lot growin’ up but he had this rule that he always had to be home for dinner so sometimes he would come all the way home to eat with us before goin’ back to work for a double shift. The only time he was more present was right after the twins were born. My mama had had a C-section so she needed the extra help while she recovered.”

Leah was pretty sure extra help was appreciated at any point after having a kid, but good for mama Syverson if she could handle the first three babies all on her own. Growing up, people had sometimes told her father that she and Caleb would be happier with a motherly figure in their lives—especially after it became obvious that their dad wasn’t making any effort to date. Sy was proof that having two parents around didn’t magically make a family closer or happier.

Putting the cap back on her marker, Leah moved to lay down beside her boyfriend. Yes, their two weeks were up and Sy was most definitely her boyfriend. It was also their last lazy morning together. That evening, Sy was getting on the red-eye back to North Carolina and Leah was taking the one the following day. He had to be back earlier for various meetings with their superiors and Leah had already booked her ticket which cost too much to change at the last minute.

Sy rolled onto his side, pulling Leah flush against him.

“No picture?”

Leah shrugged. “Maybe next time.”

She had done her best to keep her concerns at bay but they were becoming harder to ignore as what felt like the end-date on their relationship crept nearer.

Now it was D-day and every fiber of her being screamed at her not to let Sy go.

“Stop it.”

“Stop what?”

Sy placed a soft kiss to the space between her brows. “Worryin’. We’ll be okay.”

“You can’t know that.”

Leah pressed her forehead to the crook of Sy’s neck, stealing more of his warmth. They’d decided to stay at the cabin for their last evening together. Unfortunately, the only heat source was the fireplace in the living room and the temperature had dropped overnight.

Sy was only wearing his briefs while Leah was in her panties and a thin camisole. He was absolutely unbothered but Leah was getting to the point where her nipples were so hard she was sure Sy could feel them poking his chest.

“Darlin’, you’re shiverin’.”

He pulled the blanket back over the both of them, rubbing Leah’s arms and back. She could still pick up on the faint almond scent of the beard oil he’d used after his shower the night before. It was a smell that she now fully associated with Sy’s comforting embrace.

Suddenly she was shaking for a whole different reason. There was no way she could risk sneaking moments like this while at Warhorse. Her only cuddles or kisses would come from  Aika. If she had a rough day she would need to take out her frustrations in the gym. When Sy addressed her it would be by her rank or her last name.

If either of them so much as slipped once, it was all over for them.

“Oh, baby girl.” Sy recognized the stiffness in Leah’s body. When Leah became stressed she became tense or jittery and working out was her way of expelling that excess energy. “I’m all in, Leah. No matter what happens, I’m gonna do whatever it takes to make this work.”

Chapter 25

[yourfavismspechomohet]

love, there’s no such thing as a “bi lesbian.” someone can’t be bi and a lesbian. Coming from a lesbian myself it just doesn’t happen that way. Being a bisexual means that you like BOTH, being a lesbian means you ONLY like non men. It’s a mockery of real lesbians, it’s not a real sexuality.

Let’s take this apart separately, shall we?

“There’s no such thing as a Bi Lesbian”

Tell that to all the Bi Lesbians that follow me, and like my posts, and request for posts.

Tell that to the Bi Lesbians I reblog from and talk to occasionally.

Tell that to the older queers that identify as Bi Lesbians.

I guess apparently they don’t exist then. 🤷

“Someone can’t be Bi and a Lesbian”

Ah, this is a very popular one on this blog that I keep getting. I could link you to those, but I won’t. Here’s some ways you can be Bi and a Lesbian at the same time:

Biromantic Homosexuals

Homoromantic Bisexuals

Bi people who label themselves as Lesbians, to reclaim queer history. Because ALL Sapphics, regardless of if they were attracted to men or not, were referred to as Lesbians.

Bi people may also label themselves as Lesbians to reclaim being called a Lesbian by Biphobes trying to get them to pick one.

Bi people who lean more towards women, may call themselves Bi Lesbians.

Abroromantics/Abrosexuals may label themselves as Bi Lesbians because their orientation only swings back and forth between those two.

“Coming from a Lesbian myself, it just doesn’t happen that way.”

Well, for the second part, “It doesn’t happen that way”, just go back to the previous comments on “Someone can’t be Bi and a Lesbian”. It does and can happen.

Now for the first part “Coming from a Lesbian myself”. I hear this a lot. Not just from Lesbians, not just from queer people, but people of all different communities, one thing I hear all the time is “Coming from a [Blank] myself”. You need to understand that you are not the only Lesbian on earth. And Lesbians are not a hive-mind. You’re not all the same, and you’re not all going to have the same opinions. If that were the case, all Lesbians would look, talk, act the same way, and have the same views. But you don’t, because you’re not a hive-mind. Simply implying that all people of the same sexuality should have the same opinions is wrong. Believe it or not, I’ve seen all different kinds of lesbians who were Pro-Mspec Lesbian, who were Anti-Mspec Lesbian, and were neutral on Mspec Lesbians. And if all Lesbians had the same opinions, you would not be separated on these different opinions.

“Being a bisexual means that you like BOTH, being a lesbian means you ONLY like non men.”

Being Bi means that you could just about like any gender. It doesn’t just mean both, as in men and women. Bi people could definitely just be attracted to women and men, but they’re also Bi people attracted to all different kinds of genders under the Nonbinary umbrella.

As for being a Lesbian, it means that you’re attracted to women and Nonbinary people. And if we can agree on that, we also have to agree that there are other Nonbinary genders where one identifies as a woman AND a man, that you may also be attracted to. Saying that Lesbians don’t like men excludes Multigender people. Even if that’s not how you mean for it to sound, I can tell you that a lot of Multigender people feel that way.

Also, a common misconception is that Non-Men and Non-Women is okay to use for Gay and Lesbian definitions. It’s not. What you probably didn’t know, is that the terms have racist origins. Black and indigenous queer people have literally been talking about this since this definition was coined. “Non-Men” and “Non-Women” are terms that have been historically used to describe the degendering of black people.

Forcing these terms for queer definitions is Anti-Black, I could forgive you if you didn’t know that and stop using those definitions after now knowing the origins.

But if you still use these definitions even after knowing this, congratulations! You’re racist! Pretty sure there was a book about this, “Bad faith and anti-black racism” by Lewis R. Gordon.

“It’s a mockery of real lesbians, it’s not a real sexuality.”

Mspecs have just as big a part in Lesbian history as Lesbians.

All sapphics were Lesbians regardless of if they liked men.

The term “Bi Lesbian” has been around since the 70s. I’d like to see you try and tell an older queer Bi Lesbian, that they’re “mocking” Lesbians and that their sexuality isn’t real. They probably accomplished more than you have in your entire life, because you want to fight with people on queer labels that you think are and aren’t valid because apparently no queer identity is acceptable unless you agree with it.

Love, wether you like it or not, Bi Lesbians and even male Lesbians have always existed and will continue existing. And they don’t need your permission to be themselves.