#a short novel of meta

[note-boom]

Higuchi and Ranpo are just such interesting author-based characters in BSD.

I know it's weird to connect the two but hear me out...

So far, the only authors I can remember that don't have a known ability are Aya, Higuchi, and Ranpo. Aya and Higuchi will likely get an ability (latter has been confirmed to have one, at least) while Ranpo...probably won't? Though you never know.

But the reason I bring Higuchi and Ranpo together is because the latter is an author who is heavily implied to be the son of one of his IRL counterpart's characters. And meanwhile, the former is someone who has one of the real people in her IRL counterpart's life (that is to say, BSD Higuchi's sister) brought into the manga. Yeah, Tanizaki and Akuatagawa have their sisters be based off characters, and we also have Haruno based off a Tanizaki character, plus Fitzgerald's characters in the eyes of god story arc.

But I really think that it's interesting that Ranpo is the child of his own character. And that Higuchi is I think the only one with a family member that is based on IRL Higuchi's own family situation. That we might actually have a BSD character based on a real life person that wasn't a significant writer of some sort (to my knowledge, at least).

I don't really have a point with this, but it is interesting and aghhhhhhh Asagiri I'M BEGGING you to do something with Higuchi that doesn't involve Akutagawa! There's so many things about her and I want to know!

[hell-heron]

Stealing this from dreamwidth but imagine you absolutely had to, at gunpoint, turn one of your fanfics into a publishable work, doesn't matter if it's good or would sell. Put in the tags what would you choose and how you would go about filing off the serial numbers.

[pangur-and-grim]

Games for Gaza is a collection of 256 games on itchio, which you can grab for only TEN DOLLARS, with all profits going toward Medical Aid for Palestinians. these are the 10 games I'll probably play myself:

Neurocracy 2049 is a mystery game, in which you solve a murder by sifting through an in-game 'wikipedia' for clues

2. Multiplicity is a short cosmic horror game, with a retro aesthetic and interesting art direction

3. Slasher U is a horror-comedy dating sim with 18+ content and very fun visuals

4. Mysteries Under Lake Ophelia is a fishing sim that looks rather peaceful.... but is it? there might be something unsettling, waiting to be found beneath the water

5. The Corridor is a short meta game about the experience of playing games. more specifically, about the experience of walking down a corridor. what does that mean? I don't know.

6. Nuts is an eerie narrative game about.......watching squirrels?! and it doesn't disappoint, there are a large number of squirrels. the world you can walk through looks gorgeous, with stylized surreal colours.

7. Brassica - A Marry Tale is a gay dating sim with a charming art style

8. Orchids to Dusk is a short wandering game about an astronaut on an alien planet with only a few minutes left to live

9. Extreme MeatPunks Forever is a hybrid visual novel/ brawling sim, following the lives of a handful of gay mech pilots

10. Evolution is a game where you build lifeforms, and help them evolve to perform tasks

and that's just 10 out of 256! there's plenty to appreciate, so check out the bundle yourself

[steviewashere]

I want to write something sort of meta, hear me out on it. Sorry, if this hits too close to home. The idea came to me and I needed to get it out of my system. And...would you look at that, another half-written fic.

Steve ends up getting really into Star Wars after Dustin shows him to it. Like, so much that he gets himself involved with conventions, cosplay, collecting anything and everything he can. He's involved in a fandom space. Learns the world of fan fiction. And let's say that maybe, during his time figuring out where he wants to go with life, he picks up writing fanfic as a hobby.

It encourages him to get an English degree. Encourages him to lean more into that hobby, but then expanding upon it to write original short stories and small novels that go published. But he holds strong to Star Wars and fandom and finding his spot cemented in it. He's been a fan for...nearly forty years at this point (set in 2024, ugh I know).

And maybe he dabbles in online spaces here and there. He ignores the insufferable adults in the Star Wars fandom (the "um, actually..." guys, btw). Indulges the effort of typing out his handwritten fan fiction, ones he used to bring and pass around at conventions, ones he'd let Eddie read with a shy look in his eyes. And he posts them online, has a Tumblr account, maybe does a few short things on Twitter, definitely is on AO3 (albeit newer, having never attempted online fan work before).

But then...then he gets his first little bit of hate. Vicious, gross comments on his work. Sometimes in private messages. Even publicly, once, on Twitter. It irks him. He holds strong, he does. But then it gets worse and worse and somehow, worse. Younger people claiming he's too old, others claiming that he can't write for certain characters because they're out of his age range, that he can't ship certain people, he can't say that a character would do this or that, that Star Wars is media for a younger audience (despite being somebody who saw it "back in the day"). But that he...That he's not supposed to be there.

And that last little comment sticks with him for a long time. It makes his effort and his attention and his love for writing fanworks falter. He stops. Thinks about the characters he loves, of Leia and Han or even Luke and Han or Lando and Han (listen he loves writing Han). But then he wonders if it's even worth it, to indulge this interest anymore. Yeah, maybe he's older than the source material. Sure, maybe he was introduced to it a little later than most, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love it. Yet, his attention towards Star Wars completely falls away.

He stops watching it. His DVDs going dusty and unused. Starts putting away all his action figures, because what if he posts a photo one day and somebody sees them and claims that that's not for him and—

Then, he goes completely offline from fandom. Even if he still gets the emails from users who actually enjoy his stuff, ignoring them completely. Focuses on using the internet for work. For his novels, for the little stories he actually gets paid to write. But his work just isn't the same. The passion, despite being an original story and original source material, is completely dwindled.

His hobby has been stripped from him. His interest has been knocked straight out of his hands. And he just...moves on.

Even if it hurts to go down into the basement of he and Eddie's home, eyes catching on the see-through bins of original action figures, Lego sets, comic books. Even if it makes something strangle in his chest when he opens up the browser on his phone and it immediately opens to a new ship he'd been getting into: Din Djarin/Luke Skywalker—because he finally picked up The Mandalorian, because he was finally talked into watching it when he had the free time.

And then it all bursts over when Eddie finally approaches him about it, when they're enjoying a night-in, sitting around lazily on their sofa.

"There's a convention coming into town," he comments, "supposedly, Hayden Christensen is going to be there. We should go, try and meet him."

Steve just grunts in response.

"Oh-kay...or we could just stay home and watch the movie?" Eddie suggests. "Been a while since I've seen Darth on screen, telling Luke about"—

"I don't want to," Steve cuts in quietly, "isn't really my thing anymore."

Silence then follows. For a beat. Then two. A third.

"Not your thing?" Eddie asks him incredulously. "Not too long ago you were raving all about that new show that's coming out! That you saw they were doing lightsaber whips and you were excited to see how they worked! What do you mean it's 'not your thing'?"

Steve shrugs. "Grew out of it or whatever. Got more important things to focus on now." He sniffs, trying to keep himself held together, grumpy and firm in his decision.

Eddie's stare drills into the side of his face. Scalding, just like that lava was in Revenge of The Sith. "Baby," he speaks softly, "did something happen? You haven't even...you don't read your beautiful little stories to me anymore. In fact, now that I think about it, I haven't even seen your lightsabers around here. What's goin' on?"

He fiddles with the hem of his shirt. A ratty plain white t-shirt that he wears now when he's lounging around the house. It used to be one with the Millennium Falcon on it, but that's tucked down far in his dresser. Not for him anymore.

"Steve," Eddie presses, "did something happen?"

His stare stays down at his lap, still fiddling with his shirt. Fingers flexing unfamiliarly in the strings, unlike the loose ones on his Star Wars shirts. "I just"—Steve heaves a deep sigh—"it's time I grow up. It's...not for me anymore. Too old for it now, I guess."

"You guess or you know? Because nobody's too old for anything. Unless, y'know, you're like eighty-nine and in terrible health and trying to hike Everest, then..."

Despite everything, Steve finds himself chuckling. A giddy little sound here and gone in a breath. He shrugs again, albeit smaller this time. Crumbling within himself. Quietly, honestly, he admits, "People were being mean to me about it online. About my writing. That I'm doing it wrong, that I—that I'm too old for it. That I don't belong because of my age." He finally brings himself to look at Eddie, blearily because his eyes are aching and wet. "I got to thinking and I...maybe I've just been too caught up in my own bliss to realize that those people are right. They're right and I shouldn't be into kids stuff anymore."

Eddie makes a soft, sad cooing noise in the back of his throat. "Oh, baby," he breathes. "Baby, those people don't know a single damn thing about your love. But...but I do. I know that you've seen every single Star Wars movie more times than I've probably eaten in my entire life. And what about all those Halloween costumes over the years? I didn't dress up like Leia for nothing, Mr. Solo."

Steve scoffs wetly. Goes to protest, but—

"And...and that handshake! The one with Dustin? You guys have had that for nearly forty fucking years! So, why bother indulging any of these...these hardasses on the internet? Did they sit next to you on the sofa as you fucking curled yourself like a shrimp and wrote every little intricate detail of a kiss between Luke and Han? Have they read your work while you blushed all shy, while you tucked your hair behind your ear and asked for the most earnest of feedback, to make sure you spelt things correctly or put a comma in the right place? These people, did they get to see you blossom and grow like a fucking bushel of roses over your hobby?

"Because I know I did. And even though you were nervous about your words on the paper, you still came to me. You still wrote and wrote and wrote until I had to bully you into breaks, just so you wouldn't ruin your poor wrists. If they had even an ounce of the passion that you do, they could write their own stories. They can make their own endings and make the characters the way they imagine them.

"They choose, instead, to—what—make fun of you because you have a space to express yourself? Because you found passion and turned it into something so beautiful, even I—a dungeon master, someone supposed to be amazing at storytelling—can't put into words? You found a way to do that, Steve. And you do that with kindness. You do it for free, mind you. If their only passion sits within sending you vitriol over people who aren't even remotely close to real, then they're the ones who don't belong.

"If I've learned anything, fandom is a space to share and bounce off each other's words. It's community and it's belonging and it's sharing what you love because you just love it. Fandom isn't bullying. Bullying is just bullying, Steve.

"And everything you've ever done in your life, in regards to fandom and outside of it, is so much better than hate. You may be a nerd or...or a little bit overzealous or whatever, but at least you aren't hateful. I think being hateful, that's worse—don't you think?"

Steve can only stare in response, fast tears down his cheeks, hands shaking in his shirt. Mind reeling. Because, yes, Eddie's right. And he maybe should've talked about it initially, but the hurt festered and festered and tangled and grew until he was nothing but an unhealed scab. And Eddie, he's the antiseptic to his uncovered cuts—the ones deep on his heart, where all his love is—even for things considered mundane, like movies, like TV shows.

"Steve," Eddie carefully murmurs, wrapping Steve's hands with his own, "you don't have to do something right to love it. You don't have to be a certain way to be happy. If Star Wars made you happy, then why give it up?"

He sniffles and chokes back on a sob. Because, again—damnit—Eddie's right. "I miss it," he admits quietly, "all I've done is miss it."

Eddie gives him a small smile. Something achingly soft that reaches deep within Steve. "Then open your arms and welcome it back, baby," he whispers, "even if you can't be online anymore, do it for yourself."

"I...I want to try it again, I'm just...scared. What if people hate it all over again? What if they're just nasty to me and shut me down and push me to the side and"—

"But what if they love it? What if your readers have missed you just as much?"

"You think?" he meekly asks.

Eddie's eyes widen and his eyebrows shoot up his forehead. "I know, actually. Your emails keep coming in on the computer's desktop because I keep forgetting to log you out. And, baby, you would not believe how many people have been eager for updates, for your return." His thumbs work into the backs of Steve's hands, warm and sure. "And, if it helps, maybe I can moderate your comments before you look at 'em? I'll read them to myself and if they're mean, I'll delete them."

Steve blows out a breathy little chuckle. "You'll just get mad at them," he gently teases. "But that doesn't sound too bad. Maybe I should try again. Not yet, though. I'm not ready."

"That's okay," Eddie assures, "take things slow. Maybe we start with watching the movies again? Getting your lightsabers back on display?"

"Can we go to the convention, too?"

"We can do whatever you want, Stevie."

For the first time in a long while, Steve finds himself smiling. "I love you," he whispers.

"I know."

[fine-nephrit]

🥏 Where to find good XF fanfics

👽 On Tumblr

@lilydalexf has an encyclopedic knowledge of fics and continues to be an invaluable resource. You'll find a boatload of themed fic lists, individual rec posts and helpful answers to anon asks.

@txf-fic-chicks-blog seven years of almost daily recs, with well-written blurbs and a lot of fun, run by @kateyes224 and @piecesofscully. Look out for their themed days: "Casefile Monday", "Tumblr Tuesday", "Editor's Pick Wednesday", "Post-Ep/Missing Scene Thursday", "Novel Length Friday", "Smut Sunday", and the very cool "Because You Watched"

@msrlibrary a well-tagged library of MSR fics; each entry includes a short excerpt and a nicely chosen image from the show.

@201daysofxfiles a rewatch blog by fandom veteran @wendelah. Each episode in season 1-7 is paired with its own fic rec post.

@enigmaticxbee an aesthetically pleasing and neatly organized rewatch blog that is packed with great content, including excellent fic rec lists categorized by season, story type, trope, and more. Each episode guide sometimes features related fic recs.

@thatfragilecapricorn30 posts one fic rec every Friday, accompanied by a nice writeup.

@randomfoggytiger curates many fic rec lists sorted by often fun and creative categories.

@cecilysass has a google doc titled "fics I love", which is a fantastic fic list categorized by story type, complete with thoughtful blurbs. She's also shared two episode-related fic rec lists on Tumblr: here and here.

@pookie-mulder writes a monthly fic journal with good recs.

**self-promo plug** I post fic recs on my Tumblr blog @fine-nephrit under #nephrit's fic rec. Plus, I reblog others' fic recs that I come across!

👽 Rec Communities

XF Book Club: the best thing ever, an absolute gem that deserves to be preserved for posterity. During its run, 270 fics were recced and discussed in depth here. The community's intelligent and insightful comments on this blog are sometimes even more enjoyable to read than the fics themselves.

The Fic Filter (xf tag): well-curated selections with short blurbs.

Multifandom Het Recs (xf tag): a major rec site's xf section that offers nice "why this must be read" writeups. @het-reccers

Crack Van (xf tag): another major rec site with a big xf section, featuring endless recs and blurbs

Fancake (xf tag): another major rec community's xf section boasting an extensive thematic tagging system

👽 Personal Blogs

Emily Shore aka Naraht: meta essays, fanvid recs, fic recs—great stuff aplenty

Bad for the Fish aka Scarlet Baldy: fantastic fic list paired with highly enjoyable reviews and analyses of the fics she's read. @badforthefish

Ramblings of a Mind Untamed: reviews of a dozen or so classic fics

xxSKSxx XF Fanfic Recs: still active in 2024! @xxsksxxx

X-Libris: more of a fic library, this is the best place to download nicely-formatted ebooks of pre-AO3 oldies. What I love most is the incredibly detailed and extensive tagging system.

👽 Individual Rec Lists with good writeup

Character Manifesto - Dana Scully: a character analysis and 10 Scully-centric fic recs, categorized by "best of .." selections. Amazing format and choices!

Character Manifesto - Fox Mulder: same format as above for Spooky

bachlava's awesome fic rec essays, covering classic fics and slash fics

ShipRecced blog's classic MSR fics and newer MSR fics recs

luminary's 16-fic rec post

RivkaT recs fics and writers @rivkat

Anna Otto's favorite stories

Syntax6's rec list on her site, great rec list on Tumblr and FTF rec list @syntax6

👽 90s Old School Rec Sites

The Basement Office - Musea: a treasure trove of extensive fic lists with lovely written blurbs, recced by a group of talented writers from back in the day

The Other Side - Fanfic Recs from Beyond the Grave: a large collection of 'scary' or 'spooky' story recs with nice blurbs. Beautiful web design.

the Rookery - Favorite Authors: nice commentary on a list of classic fic writers

X-Files Fanfiction 101: an intro guide to fic categories and what to read for each

The Primal Screamers: a fun site run by a mailing list that hosts fic recs with blurbs, and a 'Coffee Talk' section full of delightful discussions of canon

Idealists Haven - Elemental Fanfic Archive: an archive with rec blurbs

Chronicle X: a large, well-organized archive with blurbs, plus a 'Can We Talk' discussion section of novel-length fics, plus a total of 46 author interviews. Simply incredible!

👽 Special Mention

The X-Files Lost and Found: a fic finder message board that is miraculously still very active today—How wonderful! Its FAQ page hosts a huge collection of well-categorized themed fic lists (not recs), including "Classics (or, Your Fanfic Education is Not Complete Until You've Read ...)".

Where do you find your next read? What did I miss? Reblog and share your favorites!

[flamingpudding]

Reincarnation is a tricky thing

A/N: This was sort of inspired by this post from @nerdpoe and the rebblogs of it. I came across it again scrolling through tumblr and reread it during my break and couldn't help but continue thinking about DC characters being a different version or a reincarnation of people Danny knew. Blame the too many reincarnation or isekai light novels / manwhas / mangas I read if you want.

At first Danny didn't mind it. Becoming the Ghost King had its pros but its cons as he learned later on. By accepting the title he had become an interdimensional being, and thus had gotten kicked out of the reincarnation cycle. Clockwork nor Pandora thought about telling him that sooner. But in a way Danny still didn't mind it.

He still got to watch and protect his friends and family or at least their souls and reincarnations. Though there were some things with the recent one he definitely did not expect. For one, Dan wasn't part of the reincarnation cycle either, so to pass the years he took up the same position Fright Knight had. Danny suspected that it was more to spent time with his ghostly best friend than actually doing Danny a favor.

Dani on the other hand had become a part of the reincarnation cycle, he hadn't liked how her childhood had been but once the reincarnation of his father took her in things started to turn better for his once upon a time clone sister.

He laughed at the fact that his mother in this life had become a thief, well at least she wasn't ghost obsessed but he wasn't sure if cats were a better one considering a lot of the things she stole were cat themed. But at least she still had a thing for his dad.

The man was still a lovable oaf but different, more stoic and short worded but when he put on acts for the public Danny could see hints of his previous life shining through. His dad was still a genius and inventing things that added him and his goals in protecting the city. Just like he did previously, just a little less extreme and upfront.

Jazz wasn't his dads and mothers direct daughter this time around but she still got counted as a daughter in a way as he watched her becoming a crime fighter alongside his father and the kids his dad picked up before an incident made her take up more of a operator like position. And ancients did Danny cackle watching Jazz still pulling one over everyone every time she gathered information on their family.

He was sad to see how Sam's life went but at the same time he was proud of her. Undergrowth's influence had swapped over into this life for her and he watched how as a criminal at first she continued to fight for what she believed was right. He was definitely happy when he saw her fall in love and turn a new leaf.

Tucker was not as electronic affine as he was before but he had what the humans started to call Meta Powers now. It was funny, whenever Danny compared his usually brain behind the scenes best friend with the vigilante that got mentored by his father.

All in all he was definitely happy with the life's his family has gotten this turn. Even if the start of some of their lives wasn't as ideal as it was supposed to be. He still hadn't figured out where Vlad's reincarnation was and to the ancients he hoped he wasn't the crazy clown obsessed with his dad. That would be just wrong.

Still as he watched them he couldn't help but muse at the knowledge that he originally was supposed to be among them. He also knew who he was supposed to be, thanks to clockwork but that boy had gotten a brand new soul, one that hadn't been in the cycle before. He wasn't mad at that but just a tiny bit sad. He would have loved to become a vigilante alongside his father too, even if this version of him was socially awkward and instead of space had a fascination with animals and art.

He still would have loved to live among them but he had gotten kicked out of the reincarnation cycle so all he could do was watch over them. It still made him feel giddy whenever he found another soul of the ones he had known before.

That was until the cultist decided to use would-be-him as a sacrifice to summon the interdimensional being that was atactual-him and he ended up face to face with some stupid soul magic mumbo jumbo tied to the kid.

Clockwork was laughing at him, he just knew this was pure entertainment for the ancient of time. Pandora was most likely shaking her head and Dan was probably literally rolling on the ground of his throne room laughing.

"You are supposed to be me, aren't you?" The boy had whispered wide eyed and Danny huffed in annoyance as he saw a familiar fear flit across the boy's eyes. A fear he had seen with Dan as well as Dani so long ago before.

"Don't talk bullshit kid. I am an Ancient being. This is your life." He was just now stuck having Danny tied to him like a guardian angel while being the only one able to see him clearly. How was he going to explain to the kid that he was entirely his own soul and not tied to Danny at all aside from taking his place in the reincarnation cycle without mentioning that nearly half the people in the kids life where his family and friends previously?

Danny was starting to have a crisis stuck to his would-be-him in the mortal realm and all he could think was to yell at Dan and Clockwork to stop laughing!

[randomfoggytiger]

Mulder's Heart: Alluring Temptations, Denial, and the Slow Burn

In the novelization of Darin Morgan's episode War of the Coprophages (post here), Dr. Bambi Berenbaum is described as "the most beautiful woman that Mulder has ever seen" (loosely quoted, thank you @wonderxphile~.) The thought struck me that, perhaps, it's not an invention or interpretation of the novelist's so much as an offshoot of the root of Mulder's romantic inclinations-- specifically, ones that relate to his self-imposed celibacy.

During the early years of the show, David Duchovny described Mulder's choice to remain single in a particularly singular way: that Mulder was so dedicated to his work that any relationship or life outside of it would feel like cheating. As intriguing as that thought is, another crops up: if that be the case, why was he almost drawn off-course by various women on the show?

THE DESIRE OF THE EYE

All but one of Mulder's short love interests are narratively sexual characters. Phoebe Green and Diana Fowley were exes, both intending to seduce, distract, and control his focus away from the mission. Kristen Kilar and Bambi Berenbaum were two beautiful women that drew and attached his eye immediately. Lastly, Melissa Rydell was a bit of an outlier who still exuded the same pull as the other four: a commonality with Mulder-- one who "understood" him in ways other women hadn't (or wouldn't.)

If his work is his wife, then they are his (potential) mistresses.

Mulder fell hard and fast; but snapped out of his rose-colored fog just as quickly. Each woman didn't withstand the test of his work, always turning their back on him for someone else, someone "greater."

Except for Dana Scully.

SLOW BURN AND DENIAL

The difference between Scully and the other women was that she didn't knock Mulder's socks off at first sight: baggy suit, green haircut, cutting science, and fire-breathing accountability challenged and won his trust before it won his heart.

Be that as it may, within two episodes Mulder had very, very quickly shifted his estimation of Scully from spy to maneuverable hindrance to partner.

By Squeeze he was undeniably, irrevocably territorial. While he respected her decision to leave, he would most certainly have continued tracking her down wherever she was working to discuss details of his case, her case, or any tidbits in-between (as depicted by him interrupting her stakeout.)

Season 2 beat Mulder over the head until he realized how closely he tied Scully to the work. In Little Green Men, he needed her encouragement to combat self-doubt; but more importantly, he needed her there with him, by his side. After her abduction in Ascension, he became listless, self-destructive (@cecilysass's excellent meta here), and dispassionate for the work: there was no curiosity or joy of discovery in 3's case-- in fact, there was no joy at all. In One Breath, he tried to barter his life's work for Cancer Man's location, resigning anyway out of sheer guilt. (Later, he tried to sell his soul again, more directly, to save Scully's life in Memento Mori.) By Firewalker, Scully had already eclipsed the work-- which Mulder didn't acknowledge, to her or himself, until Fight the Future-- and he frequently abandoned leads or "the truth" if he thought her life were in danger. Although she had become indispensable, Mulder didn't realize he loved her until later in the narrative.

Still.

Scully acknowledged her feelings, indirectly, at various times through the series; but he only initiated when afraid she'd leave, forever. While genuinely blinded by his quest, Mulder wasn't stupid. Scully fishing for his genetics in Home led him to banter away the conversation, later fixing a chair firmly under the broken lock separating their rooms. Scully bringing a cheese platter to celebrate in Detour didn't grab his attention from the mystery, but it underscored his efforts to deflect her serious topic later in the forest.

Because, at the heart of the matter (the very place he tried to avoid), Mulder lived in bone-deep denial.

In E.B.E., he quips, "I think it's remotely plausible that someone might think you're hot"; in Irresistible, he fumes over no one noticing where "a pretty woman" went; even in A Ghost That Stole Christmas he huffs, "We're not lovers." Maggie Scully ascertained his feelings immediately in Ascension, and Melissa Scully pushed him to acknowledge them in One Breath: "At least she'll know. And so will you." During the cancer arc, he embraces Scully for never giving up, doesn't discuss her cancer unless absolutely necessary, freely offers affection on her deathbed; then after, tries to deflect a personal talk in the woods while in shock. Even thoughts of harm coming to his partner-- be it not wanting to consider Scully possibly dying in Piper Maru or the split second of doubt despite evidence when she did "die" in Kitsunegari-- throws up an instant wall of denial.

Mulder knew something was "there" after Melissa Scully made him confront himself-- in fact, he likely already sensed something during his conversation with Scully in Tooms-- but he didn't want to poke around to find out exactly "what" it was. He wasn't ready.

Yet.

"FOX " OR "MULDER"

The women closest to Mulder ended up calling him "Fox" (or "Sullivan")... all except Scully, his abandoned lunch colleague in Little Green Men, and the phone sex operator in Small Potatoes.

Scully herself is an even more isolated case, of course.

When she began to make a personal confession in Tooms, Mulder uncomfortably laughed off her "Fox...": "I even made my parents call me 'Mulder'. So. 'Mulder'." Perhaps that's true (or perhaps not, since his father and mother also called him "Fox.") Regardless, he sensed Scully was letting her guard down; and, fearing she was opening her heart in another direction, tried to fend off any loving regard. Scully surprised him, however: "Mulder, I wouldn't put myself on the line for anyone but you" incorporated his preference, expressed her loyalty, and was a far cry from a lovesick oath. He teased the moment away, pleased; then was, by turns, caught, unsettled, and relieved by her teasing repartee.

From that point, his name began to change from professional shield to personal endearment.

But what does this have to do with Mulder's mistresses?

SCULLY, HIS LIFE

Scully was inextricably linked with the work after her return; and, whether Mulder had fully accepted his love for her yet or not (and I'm beginning to think he hadn't fully until her cancer diagnosis), she was now his life. Drawing her away from a "normal life" and dragging her dog along on a lake monster excursion became an expected, routine part of his weekend.

Bambi-- the "most beautiful woman"-- appeared during this chummy, Season 3 phase. When larger questions and greater fears shook stability from under his feet, Melissa Rydell-- the alleged soulmate-- made her (apparently) destined entrance.

Both women fell into a pattern Phoebe and Kristen set: bold, shiny new possibilities; then solace-seeking and grasping insecurity. That pattern, however, was broken during the cancer arc, as exemplified by the exception to this general rule: Diana Fowley.

ESCAPING THE SNARE OF THE FOWLER

Phoebe, Kristen, Bambi, and Melissa effortlessly lured Mulder's focus from his own aims. Not permanently; just enough to create a foil for the work-- a.k.a. Scully. Mulder suffered a few burns from his false romances (post here): passing out from smoke inhalation, watching three buildings go up in flames, and being dismissed from the life of each romantic interest. Diana, too, betrayed him; and Diana, too, was tied to the blaze in his office.

However, Agent Fowley was not sought after like her predecessors. She was also the first to notice a change in Mulder.

When she arrived on the scene, boldly hitching her wagon to his theories and his work, she expected him to readily accept, nay beg, her back on the files. Instead, Mulder laughed off her concerns about Scully, gushing over his new partner's innate ability to make him "work for it." Further, he stuck by Scully's side when his ex was hospitalized, only straying in The Beginning when Diana created an elaborate ruse to separate the two. He didn't initiate or reciprocate her kiss in One Son; and he was more baffled than beaming when "she" wanted to play domesticly-ever-after in Amor Fati. In short, Mulder was not drawn romantically to Diana, at all: in fact, he was wary. Friendly, but distant.

She'd missed her chance.

If Diana had swooped in sometime before Memento Mori's unification, she could have exploited the gnarly feeling that had been building since early Season 4, or widened its distance post Never Again-- a distance that had been building since Mulder's sloughed-off remark in Home and unwitting partner replacement in The Field Where I Died. (More accurately, if CSM had bothered to pay close attention to his lab rats, he'd have noticed a weakness in their partnership and sent in his super rat to exploit it.) As it happens, she did not.

MULDER'S HEART

What does this mean for Mulder and Scully?

At the outset, I believed Mulder learned the depth of his love for Scully during the events of One Breath-- now, however, I'm convinced that's only half true.

Scully had already replaced the work's importance in his life, but neither understood the depths of his reliance on and devotion to her. Mulder was still gut-reacting, not wanting to delve too deeply into his heart to find the truth there. Never Again gave him a great and terrible shakeup because he'd taken Scully's place at his side for granted-- he'd thought "This work is my life" also extended to her; and that she'd glanced at his offer and was preparing to reject it. Mulder was living in full-blown denial: denial so deep that only the incurable, inescapable possibility of her death could tear his blinders off.

After her remission, that denial was blown to pieces; and, afraid to face the ramifications of his realization and her Redux II-Detour acceptance of it, he kept fleeing. As Scully says in Dreamland I, "We, we just keep driving."

That brings us back to Phoebe Green-- dangerous allure-- and Kristen Kilar-- mutual mourning partner-- and Dr. Berenbaum-- the "most beautiful woman"-- and Melissa Rydell-- tortured twin soul-- and Diana Fowley-- ancient history. His heart was free in Fire, unconsciously grieving in 3, charmingly in denial in War of the Coprophages, seeking Scully in other lives in The Field Where I Died, and beating only for her in The End.

CONCLUSION

A very interesting, complicated man, indeed.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[junipvelt]

VN Update

Ok, here's a more in-depth look at the visual novel (still a WIP) since the last post was too short. Bunch of dev stuff + in-progress screenshots below the cut.

CGs so far:

(still working on these + the car one + the bgs ;-;)

Some of the bgs might just be blurry polarized irl photos (kind of like og higurashi), I'm not drawing more backgrounds than I have to.

Graphic design (is my passion):

(the cursor cycles between different pairings and the default anti-centrism ball depending on what you hover over/which screen you're on)

Misc. :

I've got the general story + scenes already mapped out but writing and coding everything might take a while (aiming for a ~10k word script?, currently have 2.5k). Hoping to have something playable by Q2 2024 (This originally said March lol).

QnA

q: how done is it?

a: ~30%

q : plot summary?

a: You (the player but also just Me) fall asleep while studying and hang out w/ the extremists and watch them bicker with each other. It's all a dream,, or is it?? (very clever meta writing)

q: can I help with development? :3

a: I'm hoarding all the creative control, it's all mine. (sorry). Playing it when I finally get around to releasing a build + adding some feedback would already be more than enough help. :]

q: why make this at all?

a: (what no friends does to mf) I thought It'd be fun to work on! I got into centricide around mid-2020 and while I thought I left it behind.. idk my obsession with it is back now I guess. (real answer: authunity. I'm not even joking those two are my only reason for doing any of this.) also I just genuinely like visual novels as a medium (massive weeb).

[rjalker]

Flatland: A Romance of Many Dimensions, by Edwin Abbot Abbot, published in 1884, is public domain. That means it has no copyright, and belongs to everyone.

This post will have links to as many versions and adaptations of it as I can find, and will be updated whenver I find new links to add.

Feel free to copy and paste this whole entire post and make it a new post for your own blog too!

None of these links are piracy, because you literally cannot pirate what has no copyright. Anyone who tells you you must pay to read the original Flatland is scamming you.

The only time you should be spending money on Flatland: A Romance of Many Dimensions, is if you find a cool physical copy that you want specifically.

Check the original post before reblogging to look for updates if you are seeing this post days, weeks, or months after I originally post it.

____

Visual books:

Public domain:

The Original Novel:

Read online or ownload the original book in multiple formats from Project Gutenberg

Read or download from Standard Ebooks

Read and download from the Internet Archive. This also includes a computer-generated audiobook.

_

The 2024 translation:

Read online or download the 2024 translation in multiple formats from the Internet Archive. This also includes a computer-voiced audiobook.

Read the 2024 translation here on tumblr @flatland-a-2024-translation

___

Audiobooks:

The original novel:

Listen to the original book on the Internet Archive, read by Ruth Golding

Listen to the original book on the Internet Archive read by David "Grizzly" Smith

The 2024 translation:

Listen and read-along with the lazy audiobook of the 2024 translation on Youtube

___

Free visual media with full stories:

Here’s an animation from 1965. Contains some flashing lights.

Here’s a stop motion film from 1982 in Italian with English subtitles

Here’s an animation from 2006

The 2007 Flatland film by Ladd Ehlinger is free on youtube. Unfortunately Ladd Ehlinger is a virulently racist and misogynistic conservative who thinks feeding school kids is the same thing as slavery. His film is filled with almost constant flashing lights and spinning cameras that cause headaches, motion sickness, migraines, and seizures.

Here is a link to timestamps for these if you still choose to watch it.

The film ignores all of the politics from the original novel because the creator of the film agrees with the bigotry the novel condemned. You are much better off watching another visual adaption or reading the original or translated book.

Especially if you suffer from photosensitivity or motion-sickness, this film will make you want to throw up.

___

Shorter visual media:

In-universe

Part 4 of a Korean animation. from 2010. Haven't found parts 1-3 yet.

A short animation from 2020 showing an Equilateral being taken away from his Isosceles parents

Flatland Heist from 2013, A short animation from 2013 where the Narrator and Sphere team up to rob a bank :)

Flatland a Romance of Many Dimensions Alternate Timeline (without audio yet) 2024 Here's the version with audio

No Nonbinary Door 2024

A Visit to Lineland 2024

Up, Up, and Away 2024

Meta:

A short TED-Ed summarizing the math parts of Flatland from 2014

Another short animation explaining the math of Flatland from 2012

A long presentation (38 mins) about the math in Flatland. from 2017

Youtube Shorts:

A very short animation about the narrator meeting the Sphere

___

Related books by other authors, in publishing order:

Public domain:

An Episode of Flatland: or How a Plane Folk Discovered the Third Dimension. With Which is Bound Up an Outline of the History of Unæa by Charles Howard Hinton. (1907) Public domain, unlimited reading and downloading. It's terrible. But you can rewrite it to make it not terrible.

Other copyright:

The Dot and the Line: A Romance in Lower Mathematics by Norton Juster (1963) Can be borrowed by 1 person at a time. A short....poem? Nothing to actually do with Flatland.

The Incredible Umbrella by Marvin Kaye (1980) Can be borrowed by 1 person at a time. I have not read it yet.

Sphereland: A Fantasy About Curved Spaces and an Expanding Universe, by Dionys Burger. (1983) Can be borrowed by 1 person at a time. It's racist. Was intended to be a sequel to Flatland, but the author's racist and failed every lesson Flatland tried to teach.

“Message Found in a Copy of Flatland” by Rudy Rucker (1983) free to read online from the author.

The Fourth Dimension, by Rudy Rucker (1984). Can be read for free online from the author. I have not read it yet.

The Planiverse: Computer Contact With a Two-dimensional World by Alexander Keewatin Dewdney (1984) Can be borrowed by 1 person at a time. Good 2D worldbuilding, nonexistant plot and boring abrupt ending.

Flatterland: Like Flatland, Only More So by Ian Stewart (2001) Can be borrowed by 1 person at a time. it's useless crap that unironically defends the bigotry against Irregulars from the original novel by pretending it's just natural selection that's totally natural and not at all artificialy and violently upheld to uphold the supremacy of the Circles.

Spaceland by Rudy Rucker (2002) Can be borrowed by 1 person at a time. I have not read it yet.

VAS: An Opera in Flatland (2002) by Steve Tomasula. no copies donated to the internet archive yet. I have not read it yet.

__

Neopronoun short stories:

The Breaking Point, a short story of a Line and Isosceles in another country of Flatland, attempting to deal with an abusive officer of the military who's invited himself into their home. Almost 4k words.

Gaining a New Perspective, a short story of the Sphere contemplating everything that's happened after throwing the narrator of Flatland back down to his plane. Almost exactly 5k words.

Other short fiction:

[link me your stories and a short summary to go here!!]

__

Please feel free to add more links and I'll add them to this original post.

Here's the first masterpost I made which has fewer links.

[alpaca-clouds]

The DnD Lore Problem - Accessibility and Characters (and how BG3 might not help)

You know what? I am gonna talk about DnD Lore and the accessibility of that lore. I talked about this exessively before. But to summarize that long blog very shortly:

Wizards of the Coasts currently makes the mistake of putting basically most DnD Lore behind a paywall, rather than offering official ressources. This leads to a lot of tables actually playing with their original worlds, rather than Toril/Faerûn, which in turn also means, that they are not spending money on official products. While my anti-capitalist ass things that the lore should be accessible just so that people can enjoy it, I also think that this inaccessibility actually costs WotC A LOT OF MONEY.

Today I want to talk about another aspect of this inaccessibility, that is kinda linked to some of the stuff I talked about before, but also is linked to the things WotC is currently not doing in terms of both Honor Among Thieves and Baldur's Gate 3. A thing, that also might not quite work with BG3, though.

See, the core problem of this inaccessibility is, that a) there is no official place where you can just get base information about the world and the timeline, b) this world has grown organically for about half a century, which lead to clutter, but also to the fact that things are at times showing their age.

I might actually make a post on the gods and religion in the world at some other point - but for now let me talk about something else: Extended universes and access points.

The Problem with Extended Universes

Okay, let's talk about how a lot of the big franchises for the longest time have told their meta stories - including DnD - and how it kinda struggles to find its audience. The extended universe.

I am frankly not entirely sure what franchise has started this. I am assuming it was Star Trek? But that is just a guess. But at some point in the 60s oder 70s someone had the idea that: "Hey, we could totally give the fans more to chew on by making official tie-in comics and novels!"

And that was how it worked for very long. Like a lot of the big franchises had at times around 10 novels and comics (if not more) releasing per year that would just explore other parts of the universe and allow the very engaged fans to... well, learn more about the world. Now, I am not going to talk about all the drama connected to the Star Wars stuff, but if you know, you know.

DnD did this too. (As did a lot of the big TTRPG systems, like Shadowrun and WoD as well.) Having a lot of tie in stuff - in the case of DnD mostly novels - that told more stories on the world and also established like some big player characters within the world. Elminster Aumar is probably one of the best examples here.

Those established some characters that play a big role within the world and also told just more stories of those big world changing events. In the recent DnD history that would be stuff like the Time of Troubles, the Spellplague and the Second Sundering.

Now, here we have one big issue. And one issue where I am not entirely certain where it arose from. But the fact is: In recent years, people invest way less into those kind of books. This is just a fact.

It is the reason why those big universes went from publishing like ten novels a year to often not more than three. We saw that in the failure of the extended Universe Disney tried to pull off for Pirates of the Caribbean (though I will still maintain that another big problem was that they barely marketed that at all - hi, everyone, who did not know there were extended universe novels for PotC). We also saw that with League of Legends, who really, really tried to tell a lot more stories with short stories and then also some novels set in Runeterra, before finally giving up, because most people didn't care.

In terms of Dungeons & Dragons I can totally see that a lot of people will also say: "I do not care what some other people's characters do within the world." Buuuuuut...

Stories actually can help you understand the world. Which brings me to...

The Elminster Problem

Okay, I do not know how to put this, but... If you look at the novels coming out for DnD literally half of them focus on either Elminster Aumar or Drizzt Do'Urden. Characters that have pretty much been around since the very beginning and. Look, I don't know how to put it but... It shows.

I am currently reading some of the newer novels and the fact is, that they do not really feel like fantasy books from the 2010s and 2020s. Because Elminster and Drizzt are very clearly characters originating in a very different time when stories were told very differently.

I mean, just look at Elminster. He is a wanna-be Gandalf character. He is from the early, early days of fantasy and... Look, I personally just really am unable to identify with a character like this.

And while Drizzt is a bit better as a character, but even he... How to put this delicately? They are both very much characters written by white cishet men for white cishet men. There, I said it.

I am noticing this a lot with reading Salvatore's books currently. Like, female characters are not overly sexualized, which is a plus. But they also very much exist most of the time in service to a man or at least in relation to a man. There is not a lot of female characters running around that have their own agency.

Which kinda leads to another thing. I actually saw this one brought up by one of those very cliché nerdy Youtube channels talking on DnD, who recognized the problem as well: There are basically two large groups of DnD players who barely intersect. One is the cliché nerds, the other is a largely queer and largely diverse group. And the youtube guy, who was very in the white cishet nerd group, suspected that actually the later group makes up more of the player base by now.

Buuuut... that is also the group who really do not get catered to by the canon lore so far. That was until 2023 with DnD:HAT and BG3 - both catering actually a lot to those groups.

Honor Among Thieves and the undermarketed books

Okay, here is the thing: Honor Among Thieves had two novelizations (one for young readers, one for older readers) and two tie-in novels. One featuring Edgin, Holga, Forge and Simon before the stuff with Sofina went down. And the other featuring Simon and Doric taking place at the time while Ed and Holga are in prison.

I am honest: I really, really liked the Ed and Holga novel. It was super cute and charming and really gives a better understanding of the characters.

But of course once again there is the thing: The books - just like the Pirates of the Caribbean books - were super undermarketed. Like, most people I know off do not even know that there were books released. Heck, even within the actual active fandom there are again and again people who will be surprised that those books exist.

And... I actually also think that the books waste one big ass opportunity, by not at all tying into the broader lore. They are super self-contained.

And that is actually just a waste. Because the place were Edgin lived in? Yeah, that place was super affected by the Second Sundering. Heck, that might have had to do something with his troubles.

Why is that an issue? Well, because... there was not a lot going on there that was inviting you to further interact with the world and learn more abotu what is happening. For once, again, because I think it is a super fun and interesting world. But also, because... WotC wants to make money and is so bad at it, that it really boggles my mind.

See, here is the thing: They could've used those characters - that really are fun and sympathetic characters - to create an accesspoint into that world.

Alright, so what about Baldur's Gate 3?

Which brings me to Baldur's Gate 3 and the thing that a lot of people have noticed: The other Baldur's Gate games - as well as some of the other games releasing around 2000 - had their own tie-in novels going into the characters, their background, but also what they were doing in the future.

Something that so far BG3 has not done, which some fans have already critized. Because a lot of people have actually gotten really invested into those characters. A lot of the kind of people especially who so far are underserved by a lot of the tie-in stuff: Queer and generally diverse audiences.

Like, I think there would be a lot of people, who totally would read a novel, about...

Astarion getting drawn into some sort of political intrigue in Baldur's Gate while serving Cazador

Karlach's time in Avernus

Some Adventure Wyll got dragged into while being the Blade of the Frontier.

Shadowheart going onto a mission for Shar (maybe together with Nocturne)

Whatever Gale was doing during the Second Sundering

Lae'zel's youth among the Githyanki

The Dark Urge and Gortash starting up the entire conspiracy

... whatever Halsin had been up to in his long live

Heck, people would eat that stuff up. And you could not only use it to worldbuild but also once more create some access into the world and what happened there. And they are kinda wasting a lot of potential by not bringing out those novels.

Of course, there is one big problem: BG3 makes it kinda hard to write about anything happening after the ending. Because as it is right now, someone is gonna be pissed if a novel set after the game does not go with the decision for a character they go for. Like, Ascended Astarion fans are gonna be pissed, if they go with Spawn Astarion - and the other way around. Same goes with every other character where you have those big decisions happening.

This is something they will have to tackle eventually if they plan on doing something with the characters in the future (no matter if we are talking Larian or WotC), but it is definitely an issue that just arises from the structure of the game.

Bonus of course is, that you just cannot define a canonical Tav. But without a Tav, you also gotta act as if the story of the game happened without a Tav, which still is not ideal. I am honestly not sure with how they are gonna deal with this on the long run.

Access via Characters

Alright, but what is the actual issue here?

Well, basically there are two hurdles to overcome for the accessibility of the lore. The first is the physical accessibility - aka, what I talked about in the last long blog post. The second meanwhile is more related to making the lore engaging. And that happens through characters.

It is for me what happened last year. I actually tried to engage with the lore as the movie came out - but only when BG3, that tied a lot more into the actual lore was released I actually found proper access to the lore. Because I had concrete things I could now look for because the game hinted at so much both through characters and major story events happening.

Here is the thing: If you just have the lore on its own, it is about as engaging as reading a history book. Sure, as your local history nerd I find reading history books fun, but most people really do not want to read a history book to engage with a hobby.

People will however engage with stories and characters that interest them. Which is where we get back to the thing I talked about at the beginning: Right now most canonical novels and stories still cater to an audience that is male, cishet, white and also, let's be frank, definitely over 30 years old. Leaving behind a lot of potential fans that theoretically make up a big part of the player-base, but actually do not engage a lot with the lore for this exact reason.

Look. DnD right now is fairly close to being an actual mainstream hobby, due to the recent proliferation of formerly nerdy stuff. And yet WotC is bleeding money, especially in regards of DnD.

If you ask me, sure... DnD should go into public domain. But it doesn't. And given that there are so many creative, skilled people working on this - no matter how dumb Hasbro is and how shitty of an employer they are - I actually do want them to succeed. I have really become engaged with this world now. And I think it is a pity that they clearly do not know how to market this stuff.

[byrdffv]

The kirby fanfiction rec list for people on the r/kirby discord server because i mentioned i wanted to make one and people said i should

(technically a repost from a google doc i made to share there but i figured tumblr might appreciate it too)

Alright kirbros, let’s get into it.

These are in no particular order; you should give all of these fics a read IMO.

First up, let’s get the easy ones out of the way,

Kirby on the flipside by ProminenceFlare is the most popular Kirby fanfiction on ao3. Ok technichally that spot is taken by some dumb MHA fanfic that doesn't even have a single Kirby character in it but thats not the point; KotFs is THE Kirby fanfic. Theres plenty of game/anime crossovers out there but this one takes the cake. Its 300 thousand words long for christs sake, and it’s a GREAT 300 thousand words. If you haven't read KotFs, you haven't read much Kirby fanfiction i imagine. It does not disappoint. Theres also a sequel fic in the works although currently it’s on a break, but it is also just as good as the original.

Second of all is actually a series, Heart and soul by post_it_notes7. This is another game/anime crossover but in an interesting twist. The premise is that Meta Knight, long before the events of Krbay, sought to fight galacta knight in order to become stronger and hopefully defeat nightmare. He does this, and galacta is resealed. Now in the present, nightmare has been defeated by Kirby, and all is good and well, right? NOPE, galacta knight has escaped his seal and is out to reclaim his title as the strongest warrior in the galaxy. Its technichally NOT a metagala fic, it instead focuses more on a friendship between the two. Im not really a shipping person so i actually really enjoy this, their personalities clash well and they get plenty of banter. The full series combined as of now just barely beats Kirby on the flipside (not counting KotFs's sequel, Kirby's dream trials) at 310 thousand words.

Okay, chances are if youre into Kirby fanfiction you’ve already read those two, however a series you may not have seen is PinkestMenace's Planet of Possibilities, Special Treats and Rest (haha get it it spells popstar).

Now I would suggest reading most of these, but if you don’t want to read all of them theres a few key ones that are my favourites.

Control halt delete goes into meta knight’s role in Kirby planet robobot, it’s a fun, somewhat angsty fic recounting the uh, ‘modifications’ star dream and Susie put him through. Its good.

Let the games begin! Is another good one, its quite short, but a fun read.

Do Starry Knights Dream of Eternal Sleep? is a much more angsty fic, focusing on that old “meta knight is a creation of nightmare” headcanon from the anime fandom. It is a very good fic but I will warn you its got some more harsh content in it including some self-harm/loathing-adjacent moments, and as with all fanfiction I recommend reading the tags before reading. If you are comfortable with that though, it’s a great read!

Rocks Fall, Everyone Flies is by far my favourite fic in this series, its got some great character interactions and storyline. The story is reminiscent of the Kirby novels, if the Kirby novels were not childrens books and were instead horror novels. I jest, but this story does have some good spooky content and moments. Its gives good attention to all four of the dream land gang and is another great read.

Alright that’s all for the POPSTAR series, there are other fics in that series but those are the ones Im interested in, I would suggest checking out the rest of their fics however if you are interested!

Where Were the meta-knights? By purblegaymer Is one of my absolute favourites, up there with Heart and Soul. It’s a ‘missing scene’ fic, going into where the meta knights were in those episodes where they were missing, as well as giving us a look at meta knights dumb internal thoughts throughout certain episodes. It’s a long but very good read, going into meta knight’s thoughts and personality in the anime. It’s a very good read, would absolutely recommend to any anime fans.

That’s been a lot of meta knight adjacent fics, eh? Don’t worry, I’ve got other character-centric fics. For example…

Stuck With The Lor by Azzie_Tangerine Focuses on magolor after he escapes from another dimension and tries to live in the dream kingdom. However the Lor, missing its captain, decides to show up and lock magolor in his ship so it can give the poor cat some therapy. Okay that’s not ENTIRELY how it goes but it is the basic premise. The fic goes more into magolor’s guilt and experience with the master crown, creates some fun lore for the uh, Lor, and is a good exploration into how the two’s relationship. Would definitely recommend this one for any magolor fans, 100%.

How King Dedede founded Christmas by NWTGMR is both hilarious and heartwarming. I think this fic might have one of the best portrayals of dededes personality in fan content I’ve seen, with the perfect mix between big soft man and petty jerk. I would definitely recommend giving this one a read, even if it’s not Christmas you will enjoy it.

Half Blind Date by Azzie_Tangerine (again, they’ve got some good fics) is the sole reason why I ship taransusie, which is funny because as I said earlier im not very big on shipping, but this one is too good to refuse. Taransusie is kind of a rarepair in the scope of Kirby ships (definitely not the rarest, but its not too common either), but this fic is very fun nonetheless! Please don’t take a drinking game at how many times ive said the word ‘fun’ in this list so far. Anyway, very good read, would recommend if youre a fan of either taranza or Susie!

Oh, actually, while we’re here, why not recommend Books Are Stupid, Anyways!, also by Azzie_tangerine. It’s a Kirby and prince fluff fic. Very cute, nuff’ said.

Youth by katrinasis is a pre-canon story recounting how king dedede and meta knight met, its cute and pretty fun. Good read even if youre not really into metadede.

He May Even Dream Again by voidknight is a fic that focuses on… Gooey of all characters! Yeah, gooey isn’t really the star of many fics, but this one gives him the spotlight! Mostly focuses on gooey’s relationship to dark matter, its in second person but somehow manages to make it work. Its fun, its cool, perhaps its even ‘neat’. Give it a read, if you want.

The List of Things Dark Meta Knight is Forbidden To Do by WarioCart Is… a fic (I say this positively). Based on that one Scp story I think, TLoTDMKiFTD is both a mouthful to say and a great fic. Its got some good humour, and just in general really funny. If youre too bummed out by angsty fic id recommend this one.

And… That’s about it, really. There are plenty of good Kirby fanfiction out there, but that’s all I really can think of (and have time for) today.

Wait actually, before I go, I should recommend The Olde Switcheroo by TripleMK, its another game/anime crossover but it focuses on dedede, its currently in the works but has updated recently. It’s a good one!

[aspoonofsugar]

Chuya's Tainted Sorrow

Here comes a meta on my favourite bsd character:

Chuya is mostly explored in the two BSD novels Fifteen and Storm Bringer, so this post covers what happens in these books. In particular, I am going to use Chuya's song, gift and literary references to explore his story.

DARKNESS MY SORROW

Darkness My Sorrow is Chuya's character song and its title combines two different literary references:

Darkness comes from the Sheep Song, which is used to trigger Corruption:

O acquaintances, grantors of dark disgrace, do not wake me again!

Sorrow comes from Upon The Tainted Sorrow, which gives its name to Chuya's ability

Let's discover what these two poems represent.

CHUYA'S DARK DISGRACE (THE SHEEP)

O expectations, stale and dismal airs, leave this body of mine! I want nothing anymore but simplicity, quiet, murmurs and order. O acquaintances, grantors of dark disgrace, do not wake me again! I will endure my solitude, arms seeming already useless. O eyes that open doubtfully, open eyes that stay motionless for a while, ah, heart, that believes in others more than itself, O expectations, stale and dismal airs, leave, leave this body of mine! I enjoy nothing anymore but my wretched dreams. (The Sheep Song, Part II)

The Sheep is Chuya's first group, which welcomes him in as a child. Why is the organization called after this animal? There are several reasons, which tie with Chuya's relationship with his friends.

1 - Chuya is a herding dog

The Sheep's members are normal kids, but Chuya guards their territory and punishes trespassers violently. This is the behaviour of herding dogs, which are famous for their aggressiveness towards outsiders.

"Everyone's waiting for you to give this enemy a beatdown! That's the only way we Sheep can protect our turf! We've only made it this far because everyone knows they can't mess with us!" (Shirase in Fifteen)

2 - Chuya is a sheep among wolves

"Chuuya's got all that berserk firepower, but here he's like sheep getting stared down by a wolf." (Dazai in Fifteen)

Chuya's relationship with the Sheep is exploitative and toxic. The other kids use Chuya's love and wish to belong to control him. All in all, Chuya is used as a pawn for the organization's well being:

"We Sheep took you in when you had no family and nowhere to go, but you already gave us more than enough in return. That's why... it's time to rest... after dying and contributing to the Sheep one last time." (Shirase in Fifteen)

3 - Chuya is the King of the Sheep

Luois I, King of the Sheep is a children book about a sheep, who finds a crown. He puts it on and becomes King. The point of the story is that Luois I is like other sheep, but chance and a superficial attribute turn him into a royal.

Chuya sees himself in the same way:

"I'm not a King," the boy, Chuuya Nakahara, spat. "I just happen to have something no one else does: power. I'm simply fulfilling the responsibility I have." (Fifteen)

Chuya's "crown" is his gravity manipulation gift that sets him apart from others. He even calls it a "good card", so something luck gives him.

Luois I lets the crown get to his head and believes he is above others. Chuya instead really wants to be part of the flock:

Chuuya wasn't anyone special; he didn't have a skill, either. He was just a regular member of the group. He wasn't the king, he had no powers, he wasn't the center of attention - he was simply a single Sheep among the flock, chatting with his friends. (Chuya's wish in Storm Bringer)

However, his ability is so powerful that it is the Sheep kids, who forget Chuya is a teenage boy just like them:

"Chuuya's covered in wounds. I've never seen him like that. He looks just like a regular guy my age. Wait, no - he doesn't just look like one. He is my age. He's a boy just like me." (Shirase in Storm Bringer)

In short, Chuya doesn't want to be the Sheep King, but he is forced into the role by the crown of power:

"Shut up! If you think you can become king, then do it! You can have this power!" Chuuya howled, unable to take it any longer. "To hell with power! If I didn't have this skill, I'd still be with you guys...!" (Storm Bringer)

Still, gifts are metaphors of the characters' interiority. So, what does Chuya's abnormous skill symbolize? What is the real flaw that defines Chuya's relationships and gets in their way?

"Once there was this boy who could amplify the skill of anyone he touched. Super convenient. So what do you think would happen if he used it on himself instead of someone else? (...) He amplified the skill to amplify the other skill, which amplified the skill to amplify skills that amplify skills. This self-referencing continued nonstop as he endlessly amplified his own skill." (N in Storm Bringer)

Storm Bringer reveals that the origin of Chuya's gravity manipulation is the gift to make other skills more powerful. The user applies his gift on himself and makes it stronger and stronger until infinite energy is created and space warps. So, Chuya's singularity is born: a gift able to control gravity. In other words:

The original ability is to make others stronger

If the ability is used on one-self (so that the wielder can become more powerful and make others even more powerful), then a contradiction arises and a monstruous skill appears

This process is a representation of Chuya's tendency to grow stronger for others' sake. He hones his fighting skills to protect the Sheep (to make them stronger), but this turns them too dependent on him (an organizational vulnerability). What a good leader should do is instead to nurture his people, so that they can be independent and strong:

“A leader is both the head of the organization and the organization’s slave. For the survival and the profit of the organization, they gladly put themselves through any manner of filth. They develop their subordinates and place them where they best fit. And, if necessary, they use and dispose of them. For the sake of the organization, they take on any act of barbarism with glee. That is a leader. All for the organization, and for the protection of this beloved city.” (Mori in Fifteen)

This is Chuya's mistake and the reason why the Sheep disbands. Chuya falls short as a leader not because he isn't as smart as Dazai or Mori (if anything, I think he is going to be a better leader than both). Rather, he fails because he doesn't know how to depend on others:

"It's because you are our friend. Were things different with the Sheep?" They had been. That was what Chuuya's flustered expression was saying. Everyone in the Sheep depended on him. The contrary was unthinkable. (Storm Bringer)

He insists on doing everything by himself, but a leader should work with his subordinates. This is what Chuya lacks in Fifteen and what he sails up to learn.

Still, to succeed Chuya needs to face the origin of this flaw, which lies in how he perceives himself:

O eyes that open doubtfully, open eyes that stay motionless for a while, ah, heart, that believes in others more than itself

Chuya sees himself as inferior to others. This complex makes him willing to be used, if it means he belongs somewhere:

LONELY DARKNESS MY SORROW, once it is opened by the key I'd rather just fall than go back to being alone Staring at the destroyed cage of this self, (GRAVITY) Slowly, I sing, "Not bad at all."

This is the key stanza of Chuya's song, which reveals what Chuya's darkness really is. Loneliness. Chuya is scared of being alone, so he does his best to conform to others' wishes. For example, he dresses like those around him not to stick out.

Chuuya, age fifteen - He wears sportsy clothes, with several sheep symbols:

Chuuya, age sixteen - He wears a formal attire with much black in it. Perfect mafia-style:

However, he can't escape his interior pain, which metaphorically manifests in Corruption:

O acquaintances, grantors of dark disgrace, do not wake me again! I will endure my solitude, arms seeming already useless.

It is not by chance that the verses, which open Chuya's gate affirm the poet's solitude. That is because deep down Corruption is just this. Chuya's isolation.

THE TAINTED SORROW (ARAHABAKI)

Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Today, the snowflakes fall so harsh. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Today, even the strong wind gusts. The Tainted Sorrow is Just like a fox’s hooded fur. The Tainted Sorrow is Covered by snowflakes and it cowers. The Tainted Sorrow has Nothing to desire and nothing to wish. The Tainted Sorrow has A dream of death to its wary self. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Trembling like a pitiful soul. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Nowhere to belong, the sun sets... (Upon The Tainted Sorrow)

Corruption is a state where Chuya gives up his body to Arahabaki. What is this entity? In universe, it is a singularity, a self-contradicting skill able to create infinite power. It metaphorically represents two things:

Everyone's objectification of Chuya

A part of Chuya himself

1 - Chuya's life is defined by others reducing him to a skill

-N and the Government kidnap, abuse and clone Chuya because of his self-contradicting gift. It is not the two kids (the original and the clone) they are interested in. Rather, they reduce them to their special abilities:

"Just like how we respect your will, we respect the will of your skill Arahabaki, as well. But... how should I put this? Your will is tying Arahabaki down, and as long as your will is firm, we won't be able to remove Arahabaki from you." (N in Storm Bringer)

N says it oudloud. He respects Arahabaki's will more than Chuya's. Except that Arahabaki has no will:

"Sigh... Why do you wanna see it so bad?" Chuuya said. "It doesn't have a personality or a mind of its own, so what's meeting' it gonna do for you? You gonna pray to it because it's a god? It's a god of destruction, y'know. Nothing more than a mass of energy. It's no different from a typhoon or an earthquake. Ya might as well pray to a power plant." (Fifteen)

Arahabaki is not a person, but the embodyment of Chuya's gift. And yet, it is given a name and treated as more important than the kid.

-Rimbaud literally wants to turn Chuya into a skill:

"Allow me to reintroduce myself. Rimbaud. Arthur Rimbaud. My skill is called Illuminations. Chuuya, my goal is to kill you and absorb you into my skill" (Rimbaud in Fifteen)

He doesn't want to kill Dazai because he hates murdering children. And yet, Chuya is Dazai's same age. However, Rimbaud sees him as nothing, but Arahabaki's host.

-Verlaine wants Chuya to be his clone:

"I dunno about you, but I'm human." "You aren't human. You're 2,383 lines of code." (Chuya and Verlaine in Storm Bringer)

He denies Chuya's humanity and insists he is an artificial creation. Chuya can't be the original kidnapped child, but needs to share Verlaine's origins and hate for the world. Verlaine doesn't consider his brother a person, but an extension of himself.

2- Arahabaki is Chuuya's inner beast

In psychology, the beast is a personification of one's deepest and most repressed feelings. What are Chuya's?

His control on gravity suggests two strong emotions:

a) A lack of freedom - The ability to control gravity should make one freer. And yet, Chuya is always chained:

Even though it feels like I might be trapped, there is no room for sentiments I'll push myself to the limit and dye everything jet-black The world is a bird cage, faded in colour Even if I lament, I can't get out of this prison

He spends his childhood imprisoned in a lab. He is used as an attack dog by the Sheep. He is threatened to join the mafia with his friends' lives and Rimbaud's secret files. In a sense, he always serves someone. That is why Arahabaki is a servant deity.

b) A huge existential weight - He can make things lighter, but he still shoulders too much:

"Tell me, tin man," Chuuya suddenly stated, his voice devoid of all emotion. "Why did they die?" "Because of you, Chuuya." Silence. "Yeah, it is my fault." (Chuuya and Adam in Storm Bringer)

For example, Chuya blames himself for what happens with the Sheep, the Flags and later on Adam:

"What's wrong, Chuuya? Everyone's going to die at this rate. You're going to kill them. Your shortcomings are going to kill them." (Verlaine in Storm Bringer)

Chuya fears whoever gets close to him dies. That is why Arahabaki is a god of destruction.

Points 1 and 2 explain Chuya's loneliness. On the one hand others only see his skill (objectification). On the other hand Chuya doesn't see himself (struggle with the beast).

Arahabaki is a god whose origins are uncertain, so nobody understands it. Not even Chuya:

'In languor dreams of death' … who was the one that said it?

In the song, Chuya wonders who is the author of his own poem. This shows how disconnected he is from himself. He wears a mask of violence and bravado to hide his vulnerability. Still, this fragility emerges every time he lets Arahabaki out. Here comes the interpretative key of Chuya's character...

Arahabaki is nothing, but the Tainted Sorrow of the poem:

Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Today, the snowflakes fall so harsh. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Today, even the strong wind gusts. The Tainted Sorrow is Just like a fox’s hooded fur. The Tainted Sorrow is Covered by snowflakes and it cowers.

The tainted sorrow is a fox covered in snow, while the wind howls:

Black snow began fluttering around Chuuya. Red scar-like runes crawled across his skin. He ignored the law of physics, hovering in the sky, as he glared down at the beast on the surface. Intense heat caused by the gamma radiation filled the air. The night was scorched, and the scenery warped. (Storm Bringer)

Arahabaki-Chuya is described as a tailed-beast and the anime shows he is similar to a fox. Moreover, he is covered in black snow, while his gravity powers manifest a strong wind.

The rest of the verses convey Chuya's feelings:

The Tainted Sorrow has Nothing to desire and nothing to wish. The Tainted Sorrow has A dream of death to its wary self. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Trembling like a pitiful soul. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Nowhere to belong, the sun sets...

Interestingly, the fox and the setting sun come up in Storm Bringer:

The video showed a golden coin. One side was engraved with a fox, the other with the moon. It was beautiful yet somewhat melancholy. (Storm Bringer)

The young Chuya repeats Upon the Tainted Sorrow while playing with a coin that has a fox and a moon on its sides.

The literary metaphor becomes clear. The Sheep Song is the key to open the Tainted Sorrow's gate. Chuya activates Corruption through verses, that state his loneliness. He says them, when he is ready to face the darkest part of himself.

WHAT IS CHUYA?

The Tainted Sorrow has Nothing to desire and nothing to wish. The Tainted Sorrow has A dream of death to its wary self.

The Tainted Sorrow dreams of death, which means Chuya is suicidal.

This is why he is both drawn and repulsed by Dazai:

"Your birth itself was a mistake. We're the same. Is there really a point to suffering through all that pain for a life that isn't even real?" The voice was taunting him. "Shut up," Chuuya spat, but even he knew he was talking to himself. "Screw you, Dazai." "That's just proof that you at least somewhat believe what I'm saying. Because deep down inside, you're the same as me." (Storm Bringer)

Dazai is the Chuya, who regrets being born and wishes to die. Still, he is also the Chuya, who wants to live, despite it all:

Chuya quietly stared at Daai's expression as if he were searching for something human deep inside of him. "So you're saying... you want to live now?" "I wouldn't go that far," Dazai replied with a resigned smile. "Maybe I won't find anything, but I figure I'll give it a try." (Fifteen)

The Tainted Sorrow wishes nothing because it isn't a person. Chuya fears he has no will of his own because he isn't human:

Chuuya Nakahara didn't dream. For him, waking up was like a bubble emerging from within mud. (Storm Bringer)

This fear is why Chuya's friendship with Adam is so important.

Adam is a an artificial creation, like Chuya. He is even called after the Frankenstein monster. He is a robot programmed to destroy himself for the sake of his mission:

"This is the real reason why an android was sent, instead of a human detective. My core, which now contains state secrets, will be incinirated along with Verlaine." (Adam in Storm Bringer)

Adam is a person, like Chuya. He is even called after the first man. He is a friend, who chooses to sacrifice himself for a loved one:

"I get to protect you. I couldn't ask for more." (Adam in Storm Bringer)

Dazai and Adam are linked to life and humanity, which are the main themes of Chuya's arc in the novels.

They both get to keep on living together with Chuya:

Dazai curled into the fetal position and screamed, "Dying with Chuuya? Anything but thaaaat!!" (Storm Bringer)

"Would you like to hear an android joke, Master Chuuya?" (Adam revealed as alive at the end of Storm Bringer)

Fittingly, Storm Bringer ends with the three of them together and alive. Chuya loses several friends, but by the end he still has two bonds. Two people who survive their friendship with him.

Even more importantly, Dazai and Adam both care about Chuya's humanity:

"Chuuya's gonna kill N at this rate and lose his humanity, but I want to see him suffer as a human. That's why I have to stop him" (Dazai in Storm Bringer)

"Do you know whether Master Chuuya is human?" I was curiously hopeful that he would know the truth. (Adam in Storm Bringer)

Not only that, but they help Chuya finish his arc and find himself:

Then what is a soul? My friend's final words... What if those words were merely the words of a soulless command? So what? (Chuya in Storm Bringer)

Dazai gives Chuya a choice and Adam helps Chuya make it.

Dazai believes in Chuya's humanity more than anyone else:

"You sound like you're certain he's human." "I am." Dazai sighed, smiling. "There's no way I could hate a man-made character string this much." (Storm Bringer)

N, Shirase, Rimbaud and Verlaine all reduce Chuya to a skill. Dazai instead sees Chuya as his own person. Sure, he finds Chuya annoying, but he is the only one, who interacts with Chuya for who he is, rather than what he can do.

Adam realizes Chuya is human no matter his origins:

"Asleep or not, he is just an ordinary human," Chuuya replied indifferently. "his skill is strong, but that's it. He gets mad, he worries... That doesn't seem to be enough for him, though." "You are exactly right. It appears you have reached the conclusioin you needed to arrive at." (Chuya and Adam in Storm Bringer)

The Flags, Verlaine, Dazai and Chuya himself are focused on uncovering Chuya's birth. Is he the original kid or the clone? Discovering the truth is everyone's goal. Still, by the end Adam realizes Chuya's nature doesn't matter. He is Chuya either way. He is the person who teaches Adam about humanity. He is Adam's first friend.

Thanks to both Dazai and Adam, Chuya finally faces himself and activates Corruption. Not only that, but Chuya's final choice to let Arahabaki out is a perfect example of how he interprets freedom:

Even though it feels like I might be trapped, there is no room for sentiments I'll push myself to the limit and dye everything jet-black The world is a bird cage, faded in colour Even if I lament, I can't get out of this prison BUT NOW, DARKNESS MY SORROW I have not yet fallen apart So, as I laugh off this imposed inconvenience Let's overturn even the heavens and the earth (GRAVITY)

Chuya is trapped in many ways and he knows it. He is given a gift he doesn't want and he is forced to join an organization he dislikes. And yet, he makes all these "imposed inconveniences" his. Chuya accepts the "card he is given" and uses it the best he can.

He combines his gift with martial arts, so that it really becomes his own ability:

He finds his own motivation to work for the mafia:

"I chose to join the Mafia on my own, and I'm never gonna be your lackey, much less your dog!" (Chuuya to Dazai in Fifteen)

He doesn't open the gate when N forces him, but he chooses to on his own terms.

It is really not by chance that in Chuya's first big fight in the manga, this happens:

Chuya claims there is no choice, but he is still the one who decides to activate Corruption. Even when trapped, Chuya always pushes forward and plays the hand he is dealt with passion. Even if he is unsure of who he is, he lives on as himself.

WHO IS CHUYA?

Chuuya took off one of his leather riding gloves and gazed at his hand. This is my hand, he thought. (Storm Bringer)

Chuya is a person. He has always been, no matter if he is the original or the clone. He feels pain, happiness, surprise. He is able to bond and to empathize with others. All of this makes him human. Not only that, but all of this makes him Chuya.

It is interesting that by the end, many people who objectify Chuya, recognize his personhood.

Shirase sees him as the teenage he is and saves him

Mori traps Chuya in the mafia, but is touched by Chuya's passion and loyalty:

Both Rimbaud and Verlaine eventually see who Chuya is:

"Chuuya, you already possess strength and talents all your own, separate from Arahabaki. You are strong not as a god but as a human being." (Rimbaud in Fifteen)

"Does that mean... you do not yet resent the world?" "There's people I hate, but not all of'em," replied Chuuya. "I know better than to try and live a solitary existence. You used to feel the same, right?" Verlaine didn't respond. It was as if his silence itself was his answer. (Storm Bringer)

And tell him to live on:

"Chuuya... can I... ask you... a favor?" "What is it?" "Live" Randou said in almost a whisper. (Fifteen)

"Chuuya-live." (Verlaine in Storm Bringer)

Chuya manages to inspire all these people. At the same time, he is inspired back by them:

I was blessed with wonderful friends. That's all. I could have been in your situation, and you could have been in mine. (Chuya to Verlaine in Storm Bringer)

He integrates all his loved ones in who he is:

He (probably) imitates Hirotsu's habit to wear gloves and to take them away, when he is getting serious. This mannerism partially substitutes his practice to fight with the hands in the pockets

He is given his motorcycle by Albatross and keeps it as a memory of the Flags

He wears Verlaine's hat, which is really a gift from all three Chuya's key parental figures:

1- Rimbaud creates it for Verlaine

Once Verlaine puts on the hat, the fabric lining acts like coils, deflecting any external command sequences that could tamper with his mind. In other words, the wearer can control command sequences at will. With this hat, Verlaine is one step closer to becoming a human with free will. (Rimbaud in Storm Bringer)

2- Verlaine passes it down to Chuya

"You really like that hat, huh? That was his, right?" "Yeah, I'd rather not wear my brother's hand-me-downs, but it's got some pretty useful functions." (Shirase and Chuya in Storm Bringer)

3- Mori gives it to Chuya as a gift when he joins the mafia

"What's the hat for?" "It signifies your acceptance into the Mafia," Mori explained with a smile as he stood facing Chuuya. "Whoever recruits a new member into the organization usually looks after them as well. It's custom to gift the new recruit with something they can wear as a symbol of that bond." (Fifteen)

As a result, Chuya's hat is an object full of symbolism:

Within the darkness, a shadow of a hat lightly dances.

It is both shadow (a shadow of a hat) and light (within the darkness, it dances). On the one hand it is the key to Corruption, so to chaos. On the other hand it gives Chuya the power to control this chaos to an extent.

It is both what grants Chuya's free will and what threatens his autonomy:

It describes Chuya's bond with Mori, which is contradictory. Mori blackmails Chuya to join the mafia and controls him. He also offers Chuya a family (heart) and an insight on leadership (mind).

It represents Chuya's bond with Rimbaud and Verlaine, who are Chuya's literary parents, as their real life counterparts inspired Chuya Nakahara's poetry. In general, Chuya's past lowkey alludes to the true poet's one, at least metaphorically.

Nakahara Chuya is born in a rather wealthy family and forced by his father to pursue medicine studies. However, he discovers poetry when he is 8 years old and his younger brother dies. Later on, he rebels against his father's education and is inspired by Rimbaud and Verlaine's works. He imitates both their poems and their dandy life-style.

Similarly, BSD Chuya finds himself trapped until he is symbolically awaken to literature (break out of the lab) by Rimbaud and Verlaine. Here, his poetry (Upon The Tainted Sorrow) is set free and Chuya is reborn:

Those newborn cries filled the outside world in the form of flames. The raging flames brought destruction to the surface for as far as the eye could see. And thus, " " was born. (Fifteen)

Interestingly, Chuya is 7 or 8, when Rimbaud and Verlaine arrive in his life. Moreover, his survival and freedom come at the cost of his other self (his clone/the original Chuya). Just like Nakahara Chuya's first poem is the result of his grief for his brother's death.

In other words, Chuya is Rimbaud and Verlaine's literary child. He is what their bond leaves behind. This is why initially they both strongly project on Chuya, but eventually let him go. Isn't it normal for a parent to see themselves in their child? And isn't it normal for the child to imitate the parents to an extent? And yet, the child is his own person. Just like this, Chuya is strongly defined by both Rimbaud and Verlaine, but he is growing into himself:

"It's okay. The Port Mafia is my family now" (Chuya in Storm Bringer)

So, who is Chuya? It's easy, really. He is a Port Mafia Executive (and probably the next Port Mafia boss). Right now, he needs to define his role within the organization and outside Mori. As a matter of fact, Mori is Chuya's third father, so to become an adult, Chuya needs to outgrow him. Just like he did with Rimbaud and Verlaine. Only then, he will truly choose who Chuya Nakahara is.

[aeternallis]

Kim and his home / A Meta Rant

Y'know, in a lot of post-canon fics I see for Kimchay, there's sometimes this common theme of Kim refusing to move back home, either because he likes his freedom too much, or he just hates Korn to the point he refuses to share a roof with him.

And tbh, strictly speaking from my own personal experience as an Asian, I've always felt this aforementioned theme to be more in line with a western individualistic mindset, rather than the one the show is more accurately set in: an eastern collectivist mindset.

So I thought I'd talk about it~ Having said that, please do not take this as an attack or critique of anyone or their works, it isn't. Fics are fics, headcanons are headcanons, they're meant to be enjoyed as they are. This is simply an observation I made, so again, I want to yap about it.

See, I am of the opinion that since Chay has moved into the Theerapanyakul compound, it’s actually more in line for Kim to move back into the mansion as well, rather than continue to keep away.

This idea is also foreshadowed by Tankhun when he asks Kim in ep. 5:

But before I continue, here's a theory I've been nursing for a while: technically speaking, if one were to line up how Kim and Chay were left off in the show, and how their story picks up in the first KP novel in that order, we already have some idea of how their story would have gone, had BOC and DAEMI’s working relationship not broken down, they weren't as problematic to work with, and Build didn’t have his scandal(s). 

At the very least, we have the skeletal roadmap of what BOC theoretically would have had to work with, had they been greenlit for a KP season 2.

A short summary of KimChay in the first novel:

During Porchay’s special chapter, Chay secretly follows Porsche to the Theerapanyakul mansion. When he’s at the gates, he makes a show of bravado of justifying why Porsche shouldn’t work there anymore, until Korn sees him. Korn tries to calm Chay down, but to no avail, until Kim pulls up in another car. It’s at this point that Chay mentions being familiar with Kim, and that they have some bad history that was never resolved. Kim corners Chay against the wall like the Theerapanyakul hubby that he is, until Chay kicks him in the nuts for acting all intimidating. 🤣 The special chapter ends with Chay getting dragged away from the compound, unbeknownst to Porsche. Later, Chay moves into the compound around the time Porsche and Kinn are kidnapped. Before facing the kidnappers, Kinn had told Chay to get ahold of Pete and ask for help, hence why Chay is brought to the compound in the first place. Presumably, this would also be around the same time he gets reacquainted with Kim (and most probably makes up with him). During the kidnap scene, Kinn tells Chay to call Pete and ask for back up. The next time we see Chay, he's visiting Porsche in the hospital, and Kim volunteers to take him home (as in, back to the Theerapanyakul mansion); it's implied that they've been spending quite a bit of time together, if Porsche's comments about it throughout the rest of the novel aren't indication enough. The rest of the story has them appearing here and there, mostly when Chay is complaining about the prospects of Kim cheating and/or no longer being in love with him. Lol There are some especially important moments between Chay and Porsche when they talk about their circumstances, but I don't want to spoil that scene in this rant too much.

In the show however, Chay's moving into the Theerapanyakul household is delayed later in the show's adaptation of the events, and he doesn't move in until the incident with his own kidnapping. By the end of the show, he's seen to be firmly ensconced in the Theerapanyakul compound, as we see in his last two scenes.

Focusing on Porchay's special chapter and his mention of the "bad history" between him and Kim in the novel, I'd always wondered if BOC had taken that line from the book and just ran with it, yknow? It would make sense (to me personally, at least), since Kimchay's story is different in the novel when compared to the show.

Although their stories are different, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they contradict each other. And with the first official art of the KimChay novel having been released, it’s clear now that DAEMI/Tiara_ME intend to incorporate the show’s KimChay story into their own (to what extent, who knows).

Having said this, let’s get back on topic: the likelihood of Kim moving back into the mansion had KP been greenlit for a season 2.

For a little bit of cultural context, I'll bring up three points (very generalized, mind you).

In Asia, the idea of children moving out once they’re 18 (or older, depending on the country’s age of consent laws) is very much a western concept. Most children in Asia don’t leave their family homes until they’re married, and even then, they sometimes still opt to live with their parents along with their spouse, so they can save money to buy their own in the meantime. In fact, a lot of Asian households can also have multiple generations living under one roof (I myself am also in this situation, at least part of the time when I go home overseas). That's not to say that children moving out early, or running away, or getting kicked out from home is unheard of, but for the most part, it's a rarer scenario compared to how normalized it is in the US.

For all that Kim goes behind Korn’s back, outwardly and at least towards his two elder brothers, Kim is a good son, in so far at least that he’s willing to go undercover in order to figure out the stink of what his family is connected to. He is loyal to his family—he’s protective over Kinn, and he’s gentle in how he interacts with Tankhun. Despite having moved out, the bored ease with which he strides into the compound shows that he visits often enough that it’s not an uncommon occurrence; the deference the bodyguards show him also supports this theory.

And finally, perhaps the strongest clue: when Chan tells him that Korn wants to see him at the end of ep 13, Kim cannot bring it in himself to disobey his father, no matter his own desire to go after the Kittisawasds. No matter what suspicions Kim may have of his father, at the end of the day, as my previous point—he is a good son, a filial one (all of them are, tbh). He doesn't outwardly show disagreements against Korn, and even during that tense meeting between them in ep 5, Kim shows some level of affection by bringing his father food. And yes, while I do agree that a lot of his smiles and behavior towards Korn is just for show, it doesn't change the fact that Kim doesn't want to disrupt the family harmony amongst them. At the very least—he actively chooses not to be the cause of that disruption.

So, with this context in mind, I’m of the opinion that Kim is more likely to move back into the compound, rather than continue to keep away. In fact, in the book, this is one of the big themes with Kim and Porchay: it’s due to Chay’s presence at the Theerapanyakul household that Tankhun comments about how Kim is often at home now.

It's Chay's presence in the mansion that brings Kim home.

The way I see it, Kim moved out because he had the luxury to do so. And I don’t mean this in the way that he’s able to discard his family obligations and pursue his own dreams, not at all.

I mean it in the most basic sense: Kim—or rather, the Theerapanyakuls—have the financial luxury to allow for Kim to move away. For any person that age, who wouldn’t choose to have their own space if they could honestly afford to do so? Besides that, it’s not out of the realm of possibility that the apartment complex Kim lives in is owned by their family, hahaha! But I digress!

Getting back on point: Kim is most likely to move back in, because he now has a reason to do so, that being Chay.

I've always been of the belief that throughout this couple's story in the show and all the way from the beginning, it was always Chay unknowingly stepping into Kim’s world of the mafia and becoming further involved, not just because of his brother, but more because of Kim’s growing feelings for him.

And then by the end of the show, how it makes for a resounding statement that it’s Kim who reaches out to Chay: he’s now the one stepping into Chay’s world—which just happens to be the world of the mafia.

In that sense, it’s Chay’s presence that ultimately brings/keeps Kim home, literally and figuratively. The way I see it, the fact that it's Chay's singular, enduring presence that would be the one to inspire Kim to come home is what makes their love story a powerful one, and one that can measure up equally to the other two.

[raayllum]

More Than Anyone or Anything

or why I think Callum is Like That: The Meta.

AKA because I realized that while I've talked about Snake Boi Callum and why I view him that way before, it was mostly in regards to explaining his canon traits that aren't usually very disputed. These being:

His sometimes obsessively dangerous qualities, specifically surrounding magic (1x04, 1x05, 2x04, 4x01, 4x02, 4x04)

His ambitious side (man heard from the one magical 'expert' he knows that humans just flat out cannot do primal magic naturally, said fuck that, and got it in a week after one week of practice)

His temper (1x01, 1x06, 1x09, 2x07, 3x08, 4x01-4x04, 5x01, 5x05, 5x08)

His ruthlessness (turning on Viren the second Ezran is in danger despite trusting him for years beforehand; his attitude towards Claudia in 2x07 after she's likewise betrayed him; smiling when killing corrupted soldiers in 3x09 even when Ezran expresses grief and Janai expresses horror when she was facing a similar scenario during the timeskip; arguing to take the violent route in 5x05 whereas Ezran and Rayla pick the more preventative one).

Therefore, for this meta, I will be focusing specifically on why I interpret Callum as Selectively Loyal to the point of being willing to help free Aaravos in order to spare, specifically, Ezran and Rayla's lives (and not necessarily anyone else's, such as Zym and Soren).

Strap in boys — this is going to be a long one.

Disclaimers: As always, this is just my opinion, and an interpretation being popular in fanon does not automatically mean it's better or more valid / rooted in canon than any other kind of (less popular? maybe common) interpretation. I will also be making it clear when I'm drawing on sections/snippets from supplementary material (TDP short stories, novelizations, and Tales of Xadia) but give that it's supplementary material, feel free to take it with the ultimate grain of salt.

Related Metas (that's worth reading if you're interested in other Snake Boi aspects that are not going to be heavily touched on here):

Callum's temper (S1-S3) and how it links to him typically feeling helpless to fix/aid his loved ones, causing him to lash out even sometimes at them

How Callum operates differently from Ezran and Rayla (S1-S4), but very well embodied I believe by the scene in 5x05 where Ez and Rayla side with the "violence as a last resort" option and Callum does not

How Callum views Zym and the egg in Arc 1 differently from Ez and Rayla, or how Callum sees things as tools and why he gets fixated on / what he projects onto objects (much like Viren with the mirror)

Differing Priorities for Callum and Rayla in TTM, in which Rayla only engages in their scheming because she thinks Viren is a threat to the whole world, and Callum comes up with their scheme because he just wants to give her closure

What does the Trio's Tales of Xadia's bios actually mean? (this one will be touched on the most down below, so feel free to skip unless you want a more detailed refresher)

Specifications:

If you're someone who doesn't see Callum this way, but you're genuinely interested in reading a differing perspective, please read on. If you're someone who doesn't necessarily see Callum this way, but you're curious and/or on the fence, please read on. If you'd like to add your own thoughts to this post, feel free to add on if it's in support; if it's differentiation, please make your own post (I'll engage respectfully with if it I want to).

If you're someone who is only going to get upset with my viewpoint, please curate your internet experience and do not read this post. If you're only going to make thinly veiled meta rebuttals of this post in a rude way ("even though some people may think...", linking to this post, general assholery), please do not read this post. You would be far happier if you were less obsessed with an opinion I've held for 5+ years and months & months before you likely joined the fandom. i just want to chill in my corner, please do not chuck pillows at me for doing what I've always had a good time doing that doesn't hurt anyone.

With all of that out of the way, let's get into it

What do I mean when I say selective loyalty?

Loyalty has always been an interesting trait to me, simply because in the bulk of storytelling, it is a necessary character trait for a story to function. One of the biggest things that a character can do to be disliked is be a traitor towards someone that trusted them, and if a character is too disloyal, they can be hard to engage with due to a lack of consistency. Characters who start out loyal to no one/nothing inevitably have arcs, provided they stick around in the story long enough, of garnering loyalty for someone (usually found family loved ones > a cause) in order for them to be able to progress as a character. We want characters to bond, and we want them to be there for each other, and if they're not at all, we want to see what happened or what other bonds they might form with other people. If not loyal, we want to see why they're working with someone at the very least.

Therefore, everyone in real life or in fiction has some elements of 'selective loyalty,' since we all have people (the people we know and love) we are more loyal to, fundamentally, than others (strangers / people don't know at all). It's just a natural normal thing to adhere more to valuing and looking after the people in your immediate circles over people you don't know at all, even if that doesn't mean we're void of caring about strangers, either. Our empathy or compassion, as well as the social structure of our living units and lives, are more cohesion for caring for strangers than it is for competing with strangers or being wholly indifferent.

For a quick overview of the way selective loyalty can work, I'm actually going to talk about Claudia quickly, and her internal hierarchy. While she is loyal to the princes ("Their Dad is dead and you lied about it. Plus they're our friends. It's wrong") to the point of that possibly being an opportunity for severance, initially, with her father ("Careful, if you tell the truth you will lose her"), Claudia's loyalty to her father ultimately trumps her loyalty to the princes, and even to her family with Soren.

For the opposite approach of selective loyalty, I'm going to talk about Rayla, who regularly bails out strangers (the boys in 1x03, Phyrrah in 2x07) and enemies (Bait as a frenemy in 1x05, Nyx in 3x05) as well as the people she grows to love (the boys on regular intervals). She and Runaan, as is Soren, are all willing to put their perceived missions/duties not only above but in direct opposition to their familial loyalty / family ties.

Callum, TO ME, is not, and here's why.

When I say that Callum is selectively loyal, I mean that there is ultimately nothing he will put above Ezran and/or Rayla at any interval with very few exceptions (aka if they're still breathing, he's still going to be fighting for them). This is for a few reasons.

I'm going to talk more about why it's Ez and Rayla specifically later, but for now I want to talk briefly about how they factor into his decision making and what see of them from people who have lost his loyalty.

Despite knowing and having trusted Viren for the bulk of his life ("Claudia! Lord Viren! Anyone!"), as soon as Callum learns that Viren has put Ezran substantially at risk ("Two [targets]? What do you mean?" "I'm here for the king, and I'm also here for his son, Prince Ezran") Viren is fucking Dead To Him.

It's not just that Viren lied, it's that Viren's lies and choices put Ezran in danger, and that's just not acceptable. We see this happen again with Claudia in S2, even after Callum defending her and trying to give her chances. She lied, yes, but she scares Ezran and attacks Rayla again, and that's the breaking point.

When you threaten the people he loves, when you scare them, if he trusted you, he will never look at you the same way again. Any loyalty he felt towards you will snap and snap hard, permanently, like a wishbone.

Callum loves and cares for other people. He loved and cared for Viren and Claudia. But unlike Ezran, who is willing to give Claudia a chance in 3x09 to the point of running after her, helping hand extended, and unlike Rayla, who still adamantly loves Runaan even after their fight and with no hint of change from him, Callum does not take other people hurting his family lightly, at all.

He loves and cares for Amaya, and Soren, and Harrow. But even Harrow, his father, is someone he's willing to put on the backburner — despite having an offered chance from Rayla to save him — in order to do what Harrow asked and what Callum's first instinct is: to look after his brother, because it is fundamentally unsafe for Ezran to stay at the castle for any longer, and he knows it.

Callum knows what the egg might mean, but he does not follow Rayla out the dungeon door blindly. He runs only after Ezran does, and only after Claudia might hit Ezran with lightning. Then he acts. Then he makes a choice. Because his loyalty to his brother outweighs after other substantial relationship in his life, at this point, but it doesn't necessarily stay that way.

Inner circle

In Tales of Xadia, all the characters are given values. While the values have more generic explanations (i.e. Callum's highest one, Liberty, is labelled as, "Have you ever resisted the control of others? This value is about freedom and autonomy. You’re motivated by a world without oppression or suppression") the characters individual bios help offer more clarity on their specifics. Callum's, specifically, states, "I am beholden to my inner circle, not some silly kingdom." Ouch, from Katolis' crown prince and Ezran's heir apparent.

It is, of course, important to not take this trait entirely literally. If Callum truly valued his own personal autonomy over everything else, he would've taken Finnegrin's deal in 5x08 in a second if all he wanted as his own freedom. Instead, Callum's highest value being Liberty is far more about his place with Freedom as a Theme more than something he wholly actively desires; again, we see in 5x08 he's willing to risk more of his freedom by doing dark magic in order to save Rayla.

There are things that Callum values more than his own personal freedom and there are things that he values more than magic (2x04: "Callum, you're being an idiot! Why would you do that? You can't risk your life to learn magic") vs throwing himself off the top of the Storm Spire at the slimmest chance of, once again, saving Rayla.

That said, this value and quote is still very useful, as it does then, beg the question, of who exactly is Callum's inner circle? Well...

Ezran and Rayla are the most important people in the entire world to him. Full stop. There is nothing he will fundamentally put above them. He only stays behind in 1x06, thereby not sacrificing the egg by proxy, because Rayla points out "We'll need to be up here to pull [Ezran] out." Even when he was stressing about whether they'd gotten to the Sea of the Cast Out on time, the second Rayla showed a hint of major discomfort/potential self-deprecation, he was offering to get back into the goddamn boat to comfort her ("I'm getting out—" "No. I can't do it, but you have to"). He's hesitant to go into town to find a vet for the egg because "We will definitely find some elf hating humans," pouting further when Rayla brushes him off, and flings himself off his balcony when he thinks there's even a chance that Ezran isn't okay into what he knows would subsequently be a trap. He's the first to say that they need to leave Rex Igneous' chambers after protecting Ezran from falling rocks with his own body, and the last to actually leave, almost being crushed by rocks himself because he's so committed to standing there and watching Rayla leave.

He equates Rayla's love for him with his love for Ezran on Day Nine (2x03: "I couldn't tell him. And I understand why you couldn't tell me. When you care about someone, it's hard to hurt them. Even when what you're saying is the truth.")

Hell, he even forgets that Sol Regem is there in 3x01 because he tunnel visions on Rayla needing his help so intensely she has to point out the massive ton dragon actively trying to kill them to him.

He's a nurturer, a fixer, a solution seeking. He wants to make you feel better ("See it's working right? Don't you feel a little better?"), he is a kind reassuring word ("Don't be so hard on yourself, Ez") always, he thinks of your problems even when you don't (Rayla's binding in 1x07), he will lay his life down for you without question ("I am Prince Ezran"), he will get mad at you for treating yourself poorly (3x04, like almost all of S4), he dotes, he notices, he will compromise his beliefs for you ("Could he really bring himself to go through with his plan? What if he didn’t succeed? What if he compromised his beliefs and it was all for nothing? [...] But Rayla was in trouble"—S2 novelization).

You mean everything to him: "Rayla's strong, thin arms wrapped around him meant everything" (S2 novelization of the hug scene in 2x04) / "You're my brother, and you mean everything to me" (2x06).

You are his whole world.

If you're part of his inner circle, and not everybody is, so let's talk about it.

[ Callum, excluding Claudia and Soren from their support system, even though the siblings haven't yet betrayed them, while including Rayla, even though he and she haven't made up yet. ]

What about Soren and Zym?

As stated before, Callum's selective loyalty does not mean he doesn't care about other people in his life, such as Claudia (in the past) and people like Amaya, Soren, and Zym in the present. Merely that, slightly like Claudia, Callum does have an internal hierarchy of care — the way you might have friends vs best friends — of who takes priority, and we see S1, S4, and S5 in particular demonstrate this quite well.

As already stated, Callum prioritizes Ezran over the egg in 1x06 and is held back emotionally by Ezran fuelled logic and physically by Rayla. In 1x07, he doesn't want to risk going into town — even to potentially find help for the egg — because of his last disastrous experience with humans and Rayla. In 2x04, Callum is perfectly happy to walk around a sea to let Rayla avoid her fear of water, and approximately 5 minutes later is getting on Ez and Rayla's case for goofing off (with Rayla's thinly veiled and fallible disguise) because "Sometimes getting someplace slightly faster is important, like right now." Wasn't quite the tune he was singing earlier, now was it? For Zym, we see this again in 3x04 — Rayla is having a breakdown, so she has more of an excuse, but Callum should conceivably be much more clear headed, and he still tunnel visions into leaving Zym alone with Nyx leading to the theft. Likewise in 4x07 when the group thinks Zym might be gone, Ezran is the one who states, "I'm not leaving without him," and Ez and Rayla are both pretty broken up about it; Callum is sad, for sure, but he mostly focuses on taking care of Ezran and placing a hand on his shoulder.

Then you have Amaya, who Callum loves dearly, but isn't particularly torn up over not trusting or lying to (1x04, 5x03) in spite of being close to her, and isn't as vexed even when he thinks that maybe something bad has happened.

Even when Callum thinks it was bad, and potentially very bad ("The way Gren was talking, I thought maybe the world was ending or something!") he doesn't get angry and he doesn't get demanding. This is very different from how he responds to Ezran and Rayla being potentially in danger or just in trouble.

Which on that note also highlights another key importance between how Callum treats Rayla, in particular, versus how he treats Soren. Now, you could argue that Callum in 5x01 has emotionally matured/healed further than he has in 4x01 prior to Rayla's return, and that would be perfectly fine to do. However, it doesn't change the fact that just the hint of Soren keeping a secret — even before Callum thinks, at all, that it's about Ezran — makes him wait on the battlements to coldly and sternly interrogate Soren about it. With Soren, he demands,

C: I know this — the ties are true as the ocean is deep [...] It means I trust her. Unconditionally. Let her go. Now. R: About your key and the bow. I can explain. C: No, I meant what I said. You don't have to explain or justify anything to me.

Even when Rayla engages in actually shady behaviour — omitting the truth if not outright lying, stealing his key, and retrieving a painfully poignant weapon — Callum doesn't get mad, at all. Soren just implied he was potentially keeping a secret from Callum at the council meeting and lowkey got his ass handed to him, with Callum literally shoving him out of his way and needing Corvus' help to coral the angry step-mage.

Furthermore, even when Soren goes missing in 4x06, although concerned, Rayla is by far the most broken up about it. Ezran is optimistic because he's, well, Ezran; Rayla is torn because even though she doesn't know Soren that well, she feels like it was 100% her fault he's gone missing and has possibly gotten hurt; and Callum, well... mostly focuses about how she feels about it, and less so about his actual friend (because if Ezran or Rayla are emotionally hurting, they will take priority to him). He's focused on making sure she feels better.

Again: Callum loves Amaya, and Zym, and Soren. He loves them dearly. He wants to and does protect them. He can and will take care of them. But push come to shove, they're not in his inner circle — he doesn't trust them the same way, and he doesn't focus on them the same way, because when it comes to his inner circle, he loves them

More Than Anyone or Anything

So after seeing Callum like this from S1 onwards, you can imagine I was pretty thrilled upon opening up his bio in Tales of Xadia — which seems to be the most 'canon' of the supplementary materials thus far (scenes and ages are changed in the novelizations; timelines get a little wonky in the prequel graphic novels; some designs from "Callum's Spellbook" ended up being different; the art book is full of beautiful concepts, of course, that never understandably got off the ground) except perhaps for Though the Moon — said the quiet part out loud. Not only does TOX have plenty of lore drops and hints at future arcs that are coming to fruition (Aaravos' connections to Elarion, mentioning the Great Bookery of Lux Aurea and Leola, etc) but they did something very interesting when it came to what values which character had. There's some leeway as this is very much an Arc 1 reading (probably most clearly seen in Soren's bio) but there is still plenty of bleed over into Arc 2.

Now, as I said before, we don't want to take the Values too literally. As talked about previously, a lot of the characters highest values seem to be things their arcs are set up to thematically test rather than being a 1:1 what they value the most. But I feel like you can glean a good deal from them, so let's look at the trio:

EZRAN:

Justice — 10: I expect the best of people and try not to become an agent of cruelty.

Devotion — 8: All creatures—regardless of origin—deserve love and appreciation.

Liberty — 8: I value the liberty of everyone, sometimes even more than my own.

RAYLA:

Devotion — 10: Love and devotion compel and define me.

Justice — 8: At great personal cost I will strive for what’s right.

Liberty — 8: My only allegiance is to my heart and those who know it.

CALLUM:

Liberty — 10: I’m beholden to my inner circle, not some silly kingdom.

Devotion — 8: I value those close to me more than anyone or anything.

Mastery — 8: I aspire to know the great wonders of every primal magic.

Out of all the more 'heroic' characters listed in the handbook (Amaya, Janai, Aanya) only Callum and Lujanne do not have Justice, "Have you ever been compelled to fix what’s wrong? This value is about balance, virtue, and reward. You’re motivated by adherence to fairness and what you think is right" among their top 3. Each have it at a 6, instead, which the guide labels as, "This matters, but so do many things" and is the second lowest ranking a value can have. None of the main cast have any value at the highest ranking, 12, either, to help indicate scale perhaps.

Devotion, then, is the one we're currently the most interested in for Callum, since as said before, while the general value descriptions are useful, the specific ones help show more indication. Devotion is referred to in Tales of Xadia as, "Have you ever been obligated to others? This value is about duty, faith, and friendship. You’re motivated by the bonds of loyalty and your love for others."

Although devotion is Rayla's highest value, her devotion value makes no indication of who/what she is Devoted to. Whereas Ezran's reflects his deep love and appreciation towards animals (hence saving the baby glow toads in S5) and Callum's we'll get to in a moment, Rayla's we're not privy to. Instead, we can look at her Liberty value, as it states that her allegiance is to her heart ("My heart for Xadia") and to her loved ones (her friends, her family). Much of her arc is therefore feeling torn between what she thinks/feels her duty is versus what her heart is telling her, indicated by her letting Marcos go in 1x01 and the subsequent fallout.

We can also see her state this more clearly in Through the Moon, in which Callum is the one primarily concerned with her parents ("he’s stuck worrying about her parents. About what happened to Runaan. She can’t move on, not without knowing the truth of what happened [...] I hope you find your parents. And Runaan"), versus Rayla going along with the plan, "Callum, listen. Soren was worried about Viren too. Worried that we never found a body. We need to know what happened to Viren. He’s a threat to the whole world! This might be the only way to be sure he’s actually gone! [Upon entering the Portal...] Okay. Viren. My parents. Runaan" and then 5x01 spells it out even more directly.

R: Callum and Ezran need me. A great evil is trying to return to Xadia and we have to stop it, at any cost. I think this is what you would want me to do. I love you, and I haven't forgotten about you. I never will. [...] It hurts me to know they're trapped like this. It's agonizing. But our mission comes first. The world is in danger, and you can trust me to stay focused.

Now this makes sense, as Rayla having this push and pull has not only been a defining feature of her arc most seasons, but is ultimately what's going to be the most challenged when the Callum possession plotline rears its head. Does she kill/incapacitate the man she loves in order to protect the world, or does she fight to get him back no matter what, even if that may lead to ruin and chaos? (I'm hoping for the second one, but I will eat either up, lemme tell you.) Does she finally refuse to sacrifice, or does she barrel on hoping she'll only have to sacrifice herself?

The reason I bring Rayla up at all is because I think it provides a good contrast to how Callum operates, specifically in 5x04, in which case he reaffirms his devotion ("I would do anything for you") and then risks everyone's lives by staying late at the Great Bookery, even when Rayla says three times that well, this isn't the time: "Not yet, Callum... Believe me, I want to do something, but... Callum, we need to leave!"

Rayla cares about everyone, and is willing to risk her life for enemies and for strangers. She will abandon her mission for the world in favour of looking after individuals because they need help, regardless of what it asks of her: "Live or die, this dragon goes home." (And because she believes Ezran and Callum can accomplish the mission without her, but that's a post for another day.) As Bloodmoon Huntress makes explicit, as Ethari says:

Who I love, where I love, what I love, are all specific. But to Runaan and those like your parents... love is rooted in all families, all creatures. Souls like that feel called to protect everyone as fiercely as those they hold close. Each time Runaan leaves, it is with the weight of knowing that he may not come back. That to fulfil his duty, he may need to sacrifice everything, himself, and all that we have here.

Rayla likewise feels called to protect everyone, and that's precisely why by the end of Bloodmoon Huntress she's chosen to literally and figuratively follow in Runaan's career path, in order to be able to help protect and save people like Suroh (a stranger she immediately becomes entangled with). As Rayla says to the vision of Runaan and her parents in 5x01, "I think this is what you would want me to do," because they are ultimately all more alike (even in the occupations Rayla holds, such as assassin or dragonguard) than they are dissimilar.

The reason I highlight Rayla here is because 1) it is her highest value, being the only character to have it as said highest value (Claudia's, likewise, is only an 8 — but everything she does is indeed for her father, and unknowingly herself) and 2) I think it provides a clear contrast to Callum.

Because Callum's devotion does outline who, or what, he's loyal to. He isn't loyal just to causes and he isn't loyal just to concepts. While he cares about the world, when his back is up against the wall and it's a choice between that kind of security vs the life of a loved on (Ez, Rayla), Callum will always choose the latter. He cares about the world — to a Point.

I've talked about it before, but merely a statement of "I value those close to me more than anything" would accordingly be a lot more vague. There could be discussions and debates on what the 'anything' constitutes (morals, responsibilities, hurt feelings) with a lot more grey room as to whether it would include people (strangers).

“Maybe there is something I can do,” Callum said. “Ezran, you stay here. Protect Bait and Zym. Don’t worry. I’ll be back soon—with Rayla.” [...] Could he really bring himself to go through with his plan? What if he didn’t succeed? What if he compromised his beliefs and it all ended up being for nothing? […] But Rayla’s blade bounced off with a clang, sparks flying. She reeled back and tried again. Nothing happened. She was in trouble. Callum inched toward Claudia’s [book].

—Book 2: Sky novelization

But the inclusion of "more than anyone" changes that. It does include people. There is no wiggle room about that.

Now, I'm not going to base my whole thing on one (1) statement from a supplementary material. As previously stated, I've seen Callum with that exact same sentiment for years now, well before Tales of Xadia (March 2022) was released, and well before S4 or S5 premiered. I've gone over a lot of the reasons I thought Callum had selective loyalty even in S1, but I haven't touched too much on one of the biggest reasons why I think that selective loyalty includes a devotional component that borders on dangerous (at least, in a story). And that's, well...

“Rayla told me you used Dark Magic,” [Ethari] said, more stiff and cold. Callum shrank a bit, but his eyes hardened. “I couldn’t just let her die.” “You’d do it again." The prince scowled. “I’m not like Aaravos. He twisted the primal to be like Dark Magic. I would never do that.” “Unless you felt like you had to,” [Ethari] reiterated. “To save Rayla.” “Wouldn’t you do anything to save the person you love?”

—chapter 13 of a fic I co-wrote called in search of silver linings (we discovered gold) from july 2019, respectively

As soon as Callum opened up the door with dark magic in 2x07, I knew it was something he likely would never be able to entirely close. Not for lack of trying or wanting — but that his willingness to engage in dark magic at all spoke to a few different things. The first was the effectiveness — what spell to use, what would be most useful, and what Rayla's biggest problem would be (her swords unable to cut chains) — but most of all was what pushed him there: his devotion.

While magic has always been the thing presenting Callum with paths (to be a mage or not a mage, to be a primal or a dark mage), his bonds with other people, and his love for them — Rayla in particular — has always been what's actually pushed him down certain paths. His love for his mother, and her love for him, is what helps him unlock the sky arcanum. Callum unlocks his wings out of his love for Rayla; he goes down on the path of mage because "you called me a mage, and that felt right."

Although mastery of magic is one of Callum's highest values (an 8, just like his devotion), it was always clear to me that magic is not something Callum values above the people he loves. He can be obsessive, and his love for magic can sometimes put himself and other people unintentionally at risk, but thus far we've always seen him course correct the minute he realizes what's happening. The second things begin to go south at the Banther Lodge, Callum reflects, "We never should've come here," and completely forgoes the quest for the cube. He tries to risk his life just for magic in 2x04, but as we've gone over, he's unable to go through with it, but he will risk his life for his loved ones.

His rejection of dark magic was, to me, of being a dark mage, of not also pursuing primal magic, of relying on dark magic. Not that he would never, under any circumstance, ever do dark magic again if the show put him in the right circumstances. And then he did, in spite of knowing it would make him more vulnerable to Aaravos, in spite of not having any confirmation it wouldn't bring on a second possession, in spite of the fact he was fine being tortured if that meant not doing it or participating.

Then we have Callum giving up the spell, and the fact that the Ocean arcanum is linked more directly to love within his arc — "To love is to simply know this: the tides are true as the ocean is deep" (5x01, 5x08) — in addition to being aware that there are unknown depths in what he's willing to do for said loved ones/Rayla.

This is not to say that none of the main cast would do dark magic — although I don't think Soren or Ezran ever would, and I think Rayla would but only perhaps using herself as spell parts — but that, as the primary mage character, it's going to and is playing a much bigger part in Callum's arc than the others, who are given other thematic considerations.

He hates dark magic. He doesn't want to let Aaravos control him. He refuses to help Finnegrin. He folds on all of those things motivated by love. It's a weakness and a strength; something that, in my eyes, will likely lead to his fall to Aaravos ("Seems to me love's got a tighter grip on you than those chains around your wrists, so I'll do you a favour [by killing Rayla] and set you free") as well as what might save him. But to focus on the fall, with everything already said behind us:

Why Love Instead of Curiosity?

Now, obviously the theory of "Callum will free Aaravos because of [insert non possession reason here]" could be wrong. There's merits in having arcs about the tragedy inherent in losing your agency, it would still open up an interesting arc after the fact, and all that good stuff.

Callum has also very much always been an Icarus figure. He can be obsessive with magic, he can take it too far, and he does have a deep curiosity and thirst for knowledge that has already gotten him in trouble by not excluding dark magic from the bunch.

And deep curiosity is already hinted to be what partially causes him to fall further into Aaravos' clutches in a few different places. The mirror ("What secrets are you hiding?") and the cube ("Perhaps it will be you, Callum, who discover's the cube's secrets") seem accordingly linked and fittingly so, for the Mystery of Aaravos, as is magic: "it's the secret of the primal".

Zubeia also warns regarding curiosity, citing that, "Aaravos was able to give them something they wanted very badly. Aaravos chose as his instruments people who had strong minds and strong hearts… but who had an insatiable thirst and fascination with magic. Aaravos could offer them access to the great mysteries of the universe. Mages were his prey," which implies that this thirst for magic is what got them (primarily) into trouble. This is reflected (pun intended) in both Aaravos' reading of Viren as "You are too curious, hungry for knowledge and power," and while Callum is hungry for knowledge (and not necessarily power), his short story in which he finds the mirror highlights one of these things as well:

Callum’s eyes prickled with dust and tears. He rushed back to the spiral staircase—but as he reached for the figurine that would activate them, he noticed one last door he hadn’t checked. The small chamber beyond it lay dark and silent. A gleam caught his eye. Callum blinked at his own reflection. Curious, he stepped through the door—and there it was. A mirror.

With all that in mind, and I'm sure there's ones I've missed, too, why on Earth am I arguing that while curiosity may play a factor, I think it's going to be love that ultimately causes his initial downfall / playing into Aaravos' hands?

Well...

For starters, I personally find "doing terrible things for love" to be not only a primary theme of arc 2, but much more fundamentally sympathetic than just getting in over your head because you were a dumbass who couldn't read the signs. I know for myself that if Callum fucks around and accidentally gets himself into a place where (under possession at that point or not) he helps free, or just flat out helps, Aaravos knowing everything that he knows, if he does it for love I will defend his choice every step of the way. If it happens just because he wants more power or magical knowledge (hello Viren 2.0 beat for beat) I'm gonna be a lot more critical of him. After all, Claudia has done a lot of awful things but I still have sympathy for her because they were for her family, in their own fractured way, and operating out of a place of deep emotional pain. If she was doing that just because she wanted to be Powerful and Knowledgable, then no, I'm not going to be that sympathetic.

The other half of it, which you might have already guessed, is that curiosity is not a Motivation. It's a manifestation of a character's pyschological makeup. Even for a character like Viren, who very much chased power, ultimately, for the sake of power, we take time to dive into WHY he wanted those things ("To know that I mean something to you, it means everything to me" / "I dream of a bright future for humanity") and his internal justifications, no matter if some of those turned out to be lies.

Characters who are curious are curious because they want to solve puzzles and have a hard time letting things go; or else they are curious because they want to prove themselves by solving things first; or else they are curious because they deeply love and want to understand and protect the world; or else they are curious because they want to know and have access to tools so that they can fix problems; or else... Well, you get the idea.

Even if it is primarily Callum's curiosity and love/thirst for magic that gets him into trouble (and thus far it largely hasn't been, as we see in S2 with his motivation for doing dark magic — yes, there was a part of him that was undeniably curious about what it would be like, but I don't think he would've pushed himself into doing it without the dire straits of "I had to, to save my friends")... That doesn't answer why he's curious.

Either he will pull a full Greek tragedy and be so scared of freeing Aaravos he accidentally walks into it by trying to prevent it directly (and one of the main reasons he's scared of Aaravos is because he's scared he might hurt people he loves through possession) or he needs another motivation, but it can't just be "Callum really wants this [insert magical knowledge here] and it ends badly," because that offers a plot summary, not an emotional character beat. There's no motivation. They'll have to explain why he wants the magical knowledge, why he's chasing it, why this level of curiosity is something he cannot or will not put down even with all the risk factors at play. It has to be grounded in some kind of sympathetic emotion, and love or fear or a desire to be helpful/useful, or all three makes the most sense to me and with all the prior setup.

Conclusion

As a closing note, as well as thank you for reading this far if you have because this got wildly long and out of hand, I want to reiterate that in many ways, to me, Callum's devotion to his loved ones — that he says "I would do anything for you" and mean it — is indeed his saving grace and biggest difference from Viren, who would rather offer up himself or others or have Harrow die than relinquish the egg, because he would never put a weapon into Xadia's hands. Being devotional — valuing the individual — is not always a good or bad thing, nor is prioritizing the 'greater good' always a good or a bad thing. TDP is deeply interested in exploring all the different circumstances of motivation, sacrifice, and choices.

Nor is selective loyalty a bad thing. I'm not wired that way, but some of my closest loved ones are (and of those in the fandom have, overall, greatly aligned with this perceived aspect of Callum). Merely, this meta is meant to examine the claim in Tales of Xadia that "I value those close to me more than anyone or anything," why I was surprised but delighted to see my view of Callum be so directly spelled out, why I had that view and continue to have it, in addition to aspects/pieces of the text that I think support it.

I believe that Callum is loyal to Ezran and Rayla on a fundamental level he does not really extend to anyone else (including many other people who are also his family) and while this is in many ways something that creates the best sides of him — his nurturing, compassionate, thoughtful and protective traits — it is also something that can be exploitable and dangerous, particularly in a narrative where he is set up to be controlled/coerced by the big bad.

And this meta hopefully explained why.

You can take it or leave it.

—Dragons out

[thestupidhelmet]

I’ve honestly never seen a fandom like this that insists they know the characters better than the creator of it. I’m thinking lots of thoughts

Truthfully, sometimes fans do. Or the actors do. Creators don't always put character first but plot or a punchline or whatever they think will make more money. The characters are then manipulated to act contrary to their established personalities or undergo what's called character drift.

As a novelist and short story author, whose education focus was creative writing and the study of literature, I learned about character consistency among the other elements that create a story and what's called its fictional dream by John Gardener (author and teacher of writing fiction). To quote him:

"If you're writing fiction then anything can happen -- so long as you earn it by making your world believable. Your readers will stop reading if you bore them or break their suspension of disbelief."

The T7S writers broke the show's fictional dream many times by manipulating characters to act against their established development (for plot and punchline). They even knew they were doing so in one particular instance and acknowledged it in the episode itself via dialogue (very meta of them, but the acknowledgement doesn't change the fact they didn't do enough to maintain the audience's sense of disbelief).

Major character shifts must be prepared for, grounded in the writing significantly, to make it a believable shift. It doesn't even need much, but it needs to make sense for the character. A good example of this is in the T7S episode where Red openly and serenely says, "I love you," to Eric. The whole storyline has Eric (among other characters) confused about Red's totally inexplicable change, a confusion the audience shares.

Later, the show reveals Red had been drugged at the dentist for a procedure and that the drugs hadn't worn off (substantiation of the momentary character shift) when he tells Eric he loves him.

A good example of a major character shift breaking the fictional dream and the audience's suspension of disbelief is Hyde drunkenly marrying a stranger during the two weeks he spends with her in Vegas. This change happens after Hyde spends almost a full season succumbing to then fighting against his marriage fears (from his traumatic childhood) to commit fully to the only girl he's ever been in love with for three years.

Struggling for a year to commit fully to a future with the girl he loves but able to commit fully to a future with someone he doesn't know longer than two weeks and doesn't love -- these are two different characters.

(It would have taken half a season to substantiate the change, another half a season to explore the change, another half a season for Hyde to understand his reasoning for the change and confront it, and another half a season for him and Jackie to reconcile. This storyline would have needed two seasons to make character-sense.)

This change goes completely against Hyde's long-established nature and development -- without any foundation underlying it. The writing doesn't substantiate the change. The season 8 showrunners expected the show's fans to accept the change without question. Their expectations were not met.

They broke the fictional dream to serve their own interests rather than the characters. If they didn't like T7S's seven years of development, they never should've taken the job. Instead, they warped the characters to their (the S8 showrunners') will until the characters were unrecognizable as themselves.

A show's audience is no different than the reader of a book. If a novel establishes that it's protagonist is a compassionate person, then readers expect that compassion to be consistent. It can be tested, pushed to the limit, even break -- but the choices must stem organically from the character, not the author's whim.

On Star Trek: The Original Series, although Leonard Nimoy did not create Spock in the character's most basic form, he did create much of what makes Spock who he is (as did one particular director in one early episode). Nimoy, the actor, imbued Spock with his own life experiences.

From the Vulcan neck pinch (logical, nonviolent Vulcans would have a logical, nonviolent way to subdue an assailant, he reasoned, rather than what the script called for: lots of physical fighting) to the famous Vulcan salute, to Spock's experience of being part of two worlds and feeling alien in both, all Nimoy.

Whenever a script veered from what Nimoy, the actor, believed was in Spock's character to do, he sent memos to whoever ran the show during whichever season, stated his concerns, explained them, then offered an alternative and in-character idea. Because he had the pull (no Star Trek without Nimoy, who was the show's biggest draw), his suggestions were always taken seriously and implemented.

And they were right. He did not create Spock, yet he knew Spock better than any of the writers did. Better than the man who created him.

And, yes, sometimes book readers or a show's audience know the characters better than the writers.

Gregg Mettler, the T7S writer brought onto T9S as a creator did not do his due diligence when creating the future of the T7S characters. By his own admission, the extent of his research was Wikipedia. He didn't rewatch the show. Quite frankly, he could have read the essays and metas myself and other fans have written to get a better handle (and understanding) of the T7S characters than he did from Wikipedia.

A portion of a show's audience often does understand and respect the characters better than their official writers. They put the characters first rather than creating buzz for the show, catering to network or actor or their own whims, or focusing on the show making money through stunt casting, etc.

While we can't affect what's put on screen, we have the freedom to discuss and debate what we see as character drift or character inconsistencies. To write fanfic that's more true to the characters than the show is.

I hold TV shows to the same standard of storytelling as I do novels. Unfortunately, the TV business does not. The all mighty dollar is what matters first, second, and third to many people in the industry. Not creative authenticity, originality, or consistency. I'm always pleased (and pleasantly surprised) when I watch a show where the characters are put first. These shows exist, but they're rare.

[buckingham-ashtray]

SHERLOCK DID CHOOSE THE RIGHT PILL. STEVEN SAID SO

After rewatching ASIP again today, I think I might have finally discovered the truth about if Sherlock has chosen the correct pill.

The answer is YES.

I will save you time and tell you right here right now that the truth lies simply in how certain shots were particularly framed. However, if you do wish to discover the Why, then here is the other end of the handcuffs, be my most welcomed guest.

Let me start with a notice that I am as well aware as I can be that A LOT of people have already analyzed this mystery countless times from every possible angle. And while I remain confident in “The Princess Bride Theory” and am sure it's still the most possible solution (given the impossible odds), it might not be the case in Sherlock's situation. Here are two possibilities:

According to Mr Cabbie (Jefferson Hope), Sherlock's "fan" / his sponsor (later revealed to be Moriarty) has warned him about Sherlock in advance:

SHERLOCK: How did you find me?

JEFF: Oh, I recognised yer, soon as I saw you chasing my cab. Sherlock ’olmes! I was warned about you. I’ve been on your website, too. Brilliant stuff! Loved it!

SHERLOCK: Who warned you about me?

JEFF: Just someone out there who’s noticed you.

Now, Mr Cabbie’s kids get money every time their dad murders someone, yes, but since Moriarty has particularly warned Hope about Sherlock instead of warning him OFF Sherlock, it could be possible that the pay would be higher if Hope succeeds in murdering Sherlock. (But also given that Moriarty was much more interested in making Sherlock dance rather than killing him, this assumption is very likely wrong)

The second possibility is that could it be for both types of pills to be harmless to Hope (with his aneurysm), and only one of them deadly to the victims? (This hypothesis is also very unlikely, due to the fact that Hope did not have a real gun and was unlikely capable of strangling full-grown adults to death with his hands if they’ve actually chosen the harmless pill)

Thus, in this meta we are temporarily abandoning The Princess Bride Theory, assuming that there actually were a good pill and a bad pill for Hope as well, and focus entirely on the framing.

[I watched Ben’s new TV series ERIC a month ago and was astonished to realize that I was able to pick up on hidden messages so rapidly during the show. (Really recommend it! And if you’re into interpreting intricate movies as well, definitely watch The Power of the Dog too! I like it so much I am currently reading the novel.) A huge thanks to all you clever clever TJLCers, for that if it wasn’t for you and TJLC I would never have developed this ability at all to write this short meta.]

The key idea is to constantly ask yourself “Why?”. Why is this shot framed that way? Why did that light go out first? Why is this seemingly unimportant detail included here? Why did this dialogue happen?

Why did Steven Moffat write in the script that Hope chose the building on the right?

If there’s one thing I know for certain, it is that NOTHING in BBC Sherlock is there without a reason. So, why was the right building the “right” one, instead of the left? Does it parallel how the two bottles of pills were placed on the table? If we make the assumption that Right is correct and Left is wrong, is there any other evidence to support it?

YES.

1. The pills

WHY is it that EVERY TIME the two pill bottles were given close up shots side by side, it was ALWAYS the one on Hope’s right in focus?

2. The doors

WHY is it that Sherlock and Hope entered through the right side of the door in the right building, and John ran through the left side of the door in the left/wrong building?

WHY is it that John burst through the right side of the door AFTER Sherlock has chosen the pill on the right?

3. The positions

WHY is it that Sherlock was ALWAYS on the left side of the frame and Hope the right without ANY exceptions?

WHY is it that they switched positions AT ONCE, the moment Sherlock chose the pill on the right? (Also note that Sherlock held his pill in his right hand and Hope his left)

Why Why Why?

If it’s just once or twice, we could still dismiss them as “coincidences”. (What did we say about coincidence?) But this many? Implicated in such platent ways? I was an absolute idiot for not seeing this sooner.

If every single shot implies that right is Right and left is Wrong, Hope slid the pill on the left to Sherlock, and Sherlock chose the one originally on the right, is there any possibility that he chose the wrong one?

NOT. A. CHANCE.

All screencaps taken from here.

(I really wanted to tag someone but sadly I don’t know any of you wonderful people and it feels terribly intrusive and impolite to tag someone you don’t know :( Please definitely let me know if you wish to be tagged and thank you so much for coming to my ted talk.)