#a lot of things happened last week (especially on tuesday) so. i was not able to even think about doing this post lol

[jackredfieldwasmyjacob]

OT 2023 - GALA 3

Here's last gala!

This gala was so good omg?????? I am super impressed by all of them, I can't wait to see what they can do in like Gala 11. ALSO IMPORTANT UPDATE!!!! I figured out how to record my screen so I have done that with all the performances I will talk about below and I have put them on a google drive file, I will do this with all galas from now on in case you wanna check the full performances <3

Speaking of, here's the link to the gala 3 google drive folder with the performances !!!

Update 28/01. I've updated all links to the full performances in the gala.

Now let's go with the honorable mentions :)

I Kissed a Girl - Violeta and Chiara: Now this... this is yuri. I do not ship them but I'm happy for the girlies who do, the program knew what they were doing with this performance. I love the scenography and the choreography being extremely glee coded, and also THE LOCKERS PART ????? OH MY GOD???? Also also, i find it so funny how people got scandalized at the kiss at the end cause Violeta has a girlfriend... bestie the song is called I kissed a girl what did you think was gonna happen

Dime - OT 2023: First of all THEY UPLOADED THE FULL PERFORMANCE TO YOUTUBE LET'S REJOICE. And second of all... nothing but respect for my national anthem !!!!!! Dime is such a bop and they were so good... I'm so happy that they're slaying group songs it's what they deserve. ALSO THE BEGINNING WITH RUSLANA OMG

La canción más hermosa del mundo - Omar: I might have chose this song exclusively because I freaking love it... he did good as well honestly. He will be missed. Anyways, please listen to it, I actually prefer Manuel Carrasco's version (the one Omar covered! The original is by Joaquín Sabina btw). And it's super long so I'm glad they kept my favourite line for this version, '¿Qué harías tú si Adelita se fuera con un comisario?' ('What would you do if Adelita eloped with a policeman?') which is a reference to a very famous Lorca play and <333333

Top 3 below!

3. TÓMAME O DÉJAME - NAIARA

Here is the original song, by Mocedades <3

Just... wow. She has the first solo of the edition, and I predict that, just with the previous first solos (Aitana, Julia and Flavio) she will be a finalist. For sure. Honestly she could even win. Naiara has the best voice of the edition, and she shined more than ever with this song. Absolutely incredible. Also, speaking of the song !!! The lyrics are absolutely brutal, I would say this is one of the most heart-wrenching songs ever written in Spanish. It is about a woman that knows her husband has a lover and she's trying to keep it together. It's incredible, really, 10/10 no notes.

2. INMORTAL - MARTIN & RUSLANA:

Here is the original song by La Oreja de Van Gogh !!!!!!

If you have followed me for a while you KNOW how I feel about La Oreja de Van Gogh so you can imagine how happy I was they were doing Inmortal !!! And they were so good !!!! Martin and Ruslana are the youngest of the bunch and they have an adorable friendship, you can see the chemistry! Also they're both incredible actors, I am obsessed with the acting in the final performance, just *chef's kiss*

1. UNHOLY - BEA, JUANJO & ÁLVARO:

Here is the original song, by Sam Smith and Kim Petras :)

This is the reason I learned to screen record on my computer YOU NEED TO WATCH THE GALA PERFORMANCE. Easily the best and most iconic performance of the edition for now. I was speechless all the performance, the three of them were perfect and everything was just... insane. Álvaro was in his comfort zone and he looked so happy, Juanjo demonstrated his INSANE VERSATILITY like no one is doing it like him. And Bea... deserved favorite. Absolutely the best in the gala. She HAS to be a finalist. Honestly the three of them should.

And that's everything!!! I'm posting this the day after Gala 4 so I already know how everything goes lol. I'll post the gala 4 top 3 tomorrow :)

[justagalwhowrites]

Lavender - Ch. 26

A trip outside the QZ turns dangerous. A continuation of Lavender Ch. 1-25 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Injuries from canon-typical violence. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI, 18+ only.

Length: 5.2k

Tuesday, June 6, 2023 - Two Years Later

“I’m not doing this with you again, Joel,” Tess snapped, staring him down from across the table. “I’m not letting your obsession…” 

“It’s not fucking safe, Tess,” he cut her off. “When was the last time we went out and didn’t run into raiders? Last two months have been especially bad…” 

“You think it’s safe for you and me but not safe for her?” She demanded.

“No, it’s not safe for anyone,” he snapped back. “But you I trust to actually kill someone, you can take care of yourself. Who knows what the fuck she would do if she gets picked up by fuckin’ raiders…” 

“Who knows what you would do if she gets picked up by fucking raiders, that’s what you mean,” she knocked back the rest of her drink. “I’m done with this shit, I’m done with your paranoia around Doc dictating our goddamn operation…” 

“When have I ever dictated a damn thing about our operation?” His jaw clenched. 

“How about when you told your brother, our partner, to leave town without consulting me because she got hurt?” She said. “Or when you killed not one but fucking two FEDRA guards in the QZ because you saw them as a threat…” 

“They were a fucking threat!” 

“Not to mention the time you made the call to leave me in the QZ when you took her outside the first time,” she snapped. “Even though you knew you’re a goddamn liability where she’s concerned! You need to get over this woman who you’ve had nothing to do with in damn near 15 years, Joel! She’s done with you, you need to be done with her. Fucking leave it.”

She went to leave but he followed her. 

“You take her out there and I’m not goin’,” he said. “End of story.” 

“Tell me what the fuck it is you want, Joel!” She yelled. “Because it sure seems like you don’t want to be anything to anyone. You didn’t want anything with me! It sure seemed like you could have had whatever you wanted with her and you didn’t take it and now you’re doing this and I don’t fucking understand you! Do you really think she’s just going to accept us not bringing her out anymore? That she’ll just listen to whatever the hell it is you tell her? Because you’ve got a funny taste in women if that’s what you’re after…” 

“She isn’t one of us, she doesn’t have to know when we go out!” He yelled. “No one says we have to involve her in shit, Tess…” 

“And when she asks?” She demanded. “When we need more medical gear?” 

“We bring Andrew out,” he said. Tess stood there for a moment, just blinking at him. “He talked to me few weeks back. Wanted me to consider bringing him instead of her, he’s worried too. He’s heard shit from other smugglers and guards about what it’s like out there. He’ll go, she’ll still get what she’s after and he will actually fucking look out for himself. Besides, the chances of raiders trying to grab him are a whole hell of a lot lower than with her.” 

“His wife know about this plan?” Tess asked, a bit calmer now. 

Joel shrugged. 

“Not my business.” 

She looked at him, shaking her head. 

“You better pray nothing happens to him,” she said. “Because if it does and she finds out it was your doing…” 

Joel shrugged again. 

“Long as she’s alive to hate me?” He said. “I don’t give a shit.” 

Tess sighed. 

“Fine,” she said, resigned. “Talk to Andrew. Tell Doc, don’t tell Doc, whatever. I’m done trying to make sense of your shit with her.” 

She stalked toward the door. 

“Going to the Speakeasy,” she said. “Appreciate it if you didn’t join.” 

Joel sighed. He could hardly blame Tess, not when she was right. He poured himself more whiskey. He’d never been able to find a balance he felt like he could survive with you. There was so close that it felt like he was on the edge of a cliff and gravity was winning. The feeling that he was inches from destruction. But then there was so far that felt like he was stretching and reaching, part of him always trying to get to you. It didn’t matter what else it strained, what else it hurt, there was the constant pull toward you. There was no middle ground. There was either too close or not close enough. 

He went to the clinic when he knew you’d be at school but Andrew still greeted him with a “She’s not here.” 

“That’s the point,” Joel said. “Here for you. Rather she not know. Have a minute?” 

Andrew flagged down a woman to watch the desk and led Joel outside the clinic. 

“Next run, I’m not takin’ her,” he said. “Still interested?” 

“Why the change?” Andrew frowned. “You weren’t going for that before.” 

“Raiders are getting bad,” he replied. “You and me they’d just kill. Her…” 

Andrew nodded. 

“Can’t tell her,” Joel said. “Not until we’re back, she’ll try to stop you going.” 

“Trust me, I know,” Andrew said. “Luckily, Doc is Doc and she keeps a thorough log of what meds she’s after and what’s she’s used. I won’t need to ask her for shit.” 

“We’re heading out this weekend,” Joel said. “It’ll be a few days. Make sure your wife’s on board.” 

He just nodded and Joel was thankful, once again, that you had a friend like Andrew. 

***

“Doc,” Ellie sighed dramatically, drawing the word out as she trudged into your classroom and flopped into a desk, putting her head down. “I’m so freakin’ bored.” 

“Hi, Ellie, I’m doing well, thank you for asking,” you smiled. “How are you?” 

She raised her head enough to glare at you before putting it back down. 

“If all I’m going to do is go shoot infected for FEDRA why do I have to know about verbs?” She asked. 

“Because everyone needs to know about verbs,” you replied. “Can’t read or speak without them.” 

“Can they make them less boring at least?” She lifted her head again. “Because right now they feel stupid as fu… something stupid.” 

“Want something not boring?” You asked. Her head shot up. You smiled conspiratorially. “I got you stuff.” 

“Oh fuck yes!” She winced. “Sorry. Heck yes?” 

You just laughed and went into your school bag, pulling out photo copies of books that were in libraries of other schools that Derek got you into when he’d go teach his photography course. Ellie came and stood in front of your desk, leaning over to see what you were grabbing. 

“Got this whole thing on black holes,” you said, handing her a packet. “This one on a probe that is still probably flying through space and should be past Pluto by now.” You gave her another packet. “And then this on roller coasters.” You gave her a magazine. 

“Hell yeah!” 

You gave her a look.

“What? I said hell,” she said. “That one doesn’t even count.” 

“Go sit in your corner you gremlin,” you rolled your eyes but smiled anyway. 

“Gladly,” she smiled, chin tilted up, and took her bundle of pages over to the beanbags. She started with the roller coasters as you put on a tape and started grading tests. 

“Hey Doc?” She said after a few minutes. 

“Hm?” 

“Did you ride roller coasters?” She asked. “Was that like… a thing everyone did or was it kind of special?” 

“Well,” you shrugged. “It kind of depended. Most people did at least once but it was still kind of special. There weren’t roller coasters near where I lived as a kid and my grandma didn’t have much money but I went to a theme park with a friend once when I was about your age. And a few times with a friend and his daughter when I was in college. I rode some roller coasters then. They were pretty fun but most of the time when you went to theme parks, you spent a lot of time waiting in line.” 

“Ew,” she crinkled her nose and went back to reading. 

“Hey Doc,” Riley trudged in. 

“Hi Riley,” you said, holding out the book she’d been reading when she came to sit with Ellie. She took it and went and plopped on the other beanbag chair. “Rough day?” 

She just grunted. 

“I’m here if you want to talk,” you said, going back to grading. 

You weren’t surprised when she didn’t take you up on it. Ellie was far more likely to talk to you than her older counterpart. She’d come to your classroom almost every weekday for the past two years. For a while, she was pretty quiet. She’d bring in her reading or take from the shelf and go sit in the corner. You didn’t press her. A few months in, she’d do more than ask you questions about her reading. She talked about her classmates, the issues with FEDRA teachers and administration, about the comic books she liked. You’d started looking for the series she mentioned when you went to the underground markets or were outside the QZ as well as books about space. She’d quickly become a bright spot in your day. 

Riley, on the other hand, had become more withdrawn the last few months. She’d never opened up to you the way Ellie had, but she seemed to like you better than her other teachers and she always put in an effort in class. But lately, she’d been tired, preoccupied. You’d tried talking to her but hadn’t gotten very far - something made all the more frustrating by the fact that you were pretty sure there was no one else at the school checking in with her. She was at risk of falling through the cracks of the system and you weren’t sure you were enough of a net to catch her. 

Derek was always trying to tell you that you couldn’t save everyone and, consciously, you knew he was right. But that didn’t stop you from trying. 

It’s part of why you’d pressed so hard working on your cordyceps treatment theory. It took years - literal years - of working with samples and trying different formulations but, earlier in the year you’d found something that actually seemed to work. The right chemical combination delivered in the right way and the samples didn’t grow. They stayed in the tissue where they’d been implanted, not stretching beyond it. 

“Do you know what this means?” You asked Elias, all but shoving your notes into his hands. “We could make it so a bite isn’t a death sentence. It’s not going to cure anybody but it can make it so people can leave the QZ, go near infected to wipe them out without needing to worry as much… I mean it still needs trials but…” 

“It’s a great idea,” he said, sounding exhausted. “But do you really think we’ll be able to get the powers that be to divert manufacturing to synthesize it? Let alone the process it will take to make the factories to produce the stuff?” 

“Elias, we’re talking about something that can start getting the world back,” you looked at him, baffled. 

“I know,” he clapped a hand on your shoulder. “And I’m telling you that I don’t know that there is a world to get back.” 

You just stared at him for a moment in disbelief. 

“I’ll run it up the chain,” he said. “But… I’m not optimistic.” 

He walked away, leaving you alone with your notes in your hands. 

So you did the next best thing you could think of. You found Marlene. 

“This is…” she looked through your pages. “I mean, I don’t know shit about the science of it but your tests…” 

“They’re not tests on living subjects,” you hedged. “I mean, in the before times we’d be years out from human trials but give that the bitten are pretty much dead men walking, if we can equip people going outside the walls with this stuff we can always just see if it works when the inevitable happens… It’s not a cure and it’s by no means a sure thing but it’s a start.” 

“I’ll take a start.” 

You weren’t able to get anything more out of Riley before the weekend and Andrew was out at work on Saturday, which made you oddly nervous. Marta said Jess said he was sick but something felt off. He’d been fine on Friday… 

Derek was convinced you were being paranoid but you still woke up feeling uneasy on Monday. 

Riley missed class entirely that day. Ellie looked particularly downtrodden at lunch but didn’t say much. When you asked if something was wrong, she just shrugged, looking distracted. 

Andrew was still missing when you got to work. 

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Derek said when he came to meet you that evening. “He probably just has the flu or something. I’m sure Jess would have gotten you if it were anything serious…” 

“You’re right,” you sighed. “I know you’re right. I just… something doesn’t feel right.” 

It set your teeth on edge. You couldn’t sit still, tapping your pen on charts when you had a patient, the front desk when you didn’t. 

“Can you not hover?” Marta asked. “I’m not Andrew, for me it’s just weird.” 

“Sorry,” you sighed when the front door of the clinic flew open and Tess and Joel came running in, all but dragging Andrew between them. 

Your eyes went wide. Andrew was covered in blood, his head hanging limp. You screamed for help as you ran for him. 

“What happened?” You frantically pulled at his clothes, trying to get to his skin. His face was pale and his eyes were closed. You looked back over your shoulder. No one else was coming yet. “Help me!” 

“We were almost back,” Tess said quickly. “Raiders came out of fucking nowhere, Andrew was in back…” 

You got the bloody shirt raised enough to see the bullet holes. You scrambled to stem the bleeding as Kristen and Lee came up from the back. You kept your hands on Andrew’s stomach, your skin turning red with his blood, trying desperately to hold him together. They started trying to move him and you moved with them, hands still on him, until someone held you back. 

“You can’t help him,” Marta’s voice was thick, wet. “You can’t do it, it has to be someone else…” 

“I can…” you reached for the doors but she held you in place. 

“You can’t,” she said. “You’re too close, you can’t.” 

You weren’t sure when you’d started sobbing but your face was wet and your vision was blurry and you were too covered in blood to do anything about it. You turned to Joel and Tess. 

“Why was he out there?” You asked. Tess looked at Joel. You raised your voice. “Why was he out there!” 

Tess looked at Joel again. He just stared at the ground. 

It was like something in you snapped. Everything you’d tied up in him for decades, everything you’d felt, everything you’d longed for, everything you’d imagined existed for yourself in another time and place and world with Joel at core of it. It broke open, spilling out of you in a rush. 

You shoved him. He didn’t move to stop you. 

“It’s you, it’s always fucking you!” You pushed him again. “Decided you were done seeing me so you dragged him into it!” You threw your entire body weight at him. He caught you and held onto you until you forced him back. “I can count on one FUCKING HAND the number of people on this planet who are happy I exist and you had to take him? You hate me that fucking much?” 

Joel’s eyes finally left the ground and met yours. He was was in so much pain you could almost feel it. You stopped pushing him. His shirt was covered in your bloody handprints. 

“He has a wife! He has kids! He fucking matters to people and you dragged him into this?” You were panting for breath, still crying. You didn’t think you could stop crying if you tried. “I’ve spent half my life in love with you, Joel, half my fucking life begging to matter to you and instead you just…” A sob choked you for a moment. “I wish I’d never fucking met you. I wish you never touched me. I wish you never called me that night I wish you never came to fucking Boston I wish you just got the fuck out of my life and left me alone!” 

You went to shove him again but arms appeared behind you and Derek pulled you back into his chest, holding you in place. 

“I hate you!” You snarled it at him. “I wish it had been you, it should have been fucking you!” 

He just stood there, staring at you for a moment as Derek held you tightly to him, before Joel turned and left. After a moment, Derek’s grip on you loosened. Your head spun. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Tess was staring at you. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about…” 

“Fuck off, Tess,” you snapped. “You could have put a stop to it, you could have just not let him come…” 

“Not Andrew,” she shook her head, stepping close to you. “Joel. How dare you. The shit he’s done for you, the shit he’s gone through for you…” 

“For me?” You snapped. “No, it had nothing to do with me! It’s always been about him, Tess, and you’re a fucking idiot if you don’t see that.” 

“You could have walked away at anytime,” she all but snarled at you. “You could have actually stayed away from him, told him no when he fucking caved and you never did, you never fucking did…” 

“You think it’s my fault?” You snapped. “All his shit…” 

“You could have left him with me!” She yelled. She took a second to calm down. “You could have left him with me and you fucking didn’t. You just hung on…” 

“Of course I did,” you said, quieter now, too. “I didn’t have a choice.” 

She looked at you, the side of her shirt wet with Andrew’s blood. 

“I’ll go tell his wife,” she said. “I hope he makes it.” 

You felt unsteady on your feet and Derek’s arms went around you guiding you to a seat in the empty waiting room. You looked down at your hands, splotched with drying blood. Andrew’s blood. You stared at the wall. 

Jess came in. You weren’t sure how much time had passed but she was frantic. You stood up and she grabbed you, choking on her tears. You held her loosely, still in a daze, and she sat beside you, holding your bloody hand. Derek’s hand was on your back. You stared at the wall. You weren’t sure if you were really blinking. You weren’t sure time was passing. You weren’t sure how long you sat there. The blood on your shirt hardened as it dried. Jess’ hand stayed firmly in your own. 

Lee came out from the back and you and Jess jumped to your feet, hands still clasped tight. 

“It was close,” he said. “But he pulled through.” 

You didn’t really hear anything else Lee said after that. He let you back to see him and he was just coming around when you did, his eyes heavy and voice groggy. 

“What happened?” He managed after Jess had fawned over him for a minute.

“You were a dumbass who went outside the QZ,” you tried to sound upset about it but you were too happy to see him alive. “What were you thinking?” 

“Wanted to be the cool one for a change,” he smiled a little at you. You just rolled your eyes. 

“I’ll give you two a minute,” you leaned over and kissed his forehead. “But I swear to God Andrew you pull that shit on me again…” 

“I know, I know,” he said. “You’re the cool one and you’ll kill me to keep the title.” 

You went back to the waiting room. The clinic was closed but it was shortly before curfew and Derek was standing near the door. 

“Hey,” you sighed, coming over and pressing your forehead into his chest, expecting his arms to go around you. They didn’t. 

“He looking OK?” He asked. His voice was distant. You frowned. 

“Yeah,” you pulled back from him. “Everything OK?” 

He laughed darkly. 

“No, no I can’t say everything’s OK,” he shook his head. Your frown deepened. “Is Joel the reason you wouldn’t move in with me?” 

You froze. You had been so mad at Joel you’d forgotten that Derek was even there. Derek, who you’d never told about Joel. 

He pressed on. 

“Is Joel the reason that, when I asked if you thought about children, you said no?” He asked. “Jesus Christ, we’ve been together for almost seven years and you never thought to tell me you were in love with another man? A man you were regularly leaving the QZ with?” 

“Derek…” 

“Did you ever love me at all?” He looked like he was on the verge of tears. “Fuck, I tried to build a life with you!” 

“Of course I love you…” You were crying again. You weren’t quite sure when you started. “I just… It’s different and… Nothing happened with him, it’s been years, it’s been so long and…” 

“But you still loved him,” he said. “Right? You were still in love with him the whole time you were with me, right?” 

You didn’t say anything. You just tried to keep from sobbing. 

“That’s what I thought,” he ran a hand through his hair, turning away from you. “Fuck!” 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. “I wasn’t trying to hurt you I just…” 

“You just what?” He asked turning back to you. “You just thought you’d lie to me forever?” 

“I just thought I could love you,” you said. “I do love you, it’s just not the same as him but I thought… I thought it could be. That if I ever could with anyone it would be with you because I do love you, I want to love you that way, I want a life with you…” 

“Wanting it just isn’t enough,” he shook his head, a look of sad disbelief still on his face. “Especially not after you lied to me for half a goddamn decade. It’s just not enough.” 

“Derek…” 

“I’m sorry,” he shook his head. “I can’t do this, not with you. I hope you get what you want someday, I really do. But I can’t do this.” 

He left and you stared out the front door, into the darkness, for a while. You weren’t sure how long. Eventually, you walked in a daze to Andrew’s room. Jessica had her head down on one side of his bed, his hand on her head. You pulled up a chair to the other side of him. 

“Hey,” he whispered. 

“Hey,” you managed a smile. 

“20 years later and we’re still the codependency crew,” he smiled back. 

“Yeah,” you sat down and put your head down beside him. “We are.” 

Tuesday, August 15, 2023 

“You know you don’t need to keep coming over, right?” Andrew asked, smiling down at you from the couch, his head propped on his fist. “Don’t need as much help now…” 

“Who said I was coming over for your benefit?” You scoffed. You were lying on your back, baby Jonah - named for Andrew’s father - on your chest. He was big enough that he was just starting to run and it seemed like he wanted to do that and nothing else. You swooped the toddler toward your face and blew a raspberry on both cheeks before lifting him straight up overhead, making whooshing sounds. He giggled and clapped his chubby little hands. “I’m clearly just hanging out with my best friends.” 

Elizabeth came over and hung her head over your own, her curls bobbing as she cocked her head at you. 

“Auntie Doc,” she said, her voice very serious. “Did you know your teeth are bones?” “Are they really?” You said. “Thank you so much for telling me, that is very big news…” 

“We’re reading a book about the body,” Jess flopped on the couch beside her husband. “We learned about the skeleton today.” 

“OK sweetie, Auntie Doc’s arms are getting tired so you have to move so I can bring your brother in for a landing,” you said. Elizabeth scrunched her nose but obeyed, stepping to the side so you could bring Jonah back down to your chest. 

“Who needs the gym when you have tiny humans to lift, hm?” You kept a hand on Jonah while reaching out to tickle Elizabeth, who shrieked and giddily fled toward the other side of the coffee table. 

“Alright tiny ones,” Andrew clapped his hands on his legs. “Bed time, let’s go.” 

He got up - slowly - off the couch and you lifted Jonah so he wouldn’t need to bend all the way down to reach him. Elizabeth whined all the way down the hall. You smiled. 

“I know a lot of it didn’t work out but damn,” Jess sighed. “You’d be such an amazing mom.” 

Your heart clenched at that. 

“Thanks,” you said quietly. 

“Are you planning to stay here again?” She asked. You lifted your head to look at her. 

“I feel like you’re asking me not to,” you smiled a little. 

“Not exactly,” she crinkled her nose. “But Andrew had his follow up today with Lee and…” she glanced down the hallway before lowering her voice. “I really want to f-u-c-k my husband now that he’s cleared for it which is a little tricky with you there.” You laughed. 

“I mean I guess if you want to have THAT kind of relationship with the guy,” you said dryly. 

She laughed, too. 

“Look, I’m definitely not kicking you out,” she said. “Lord knows he probably cock blocked you enough through the years when I was outside the QZ for work. If you won’t be OK at home, stay here with us…” 

“No,” you sighed. “I need to get used to it.” 

You’d hardly been to your apartment since Andrew got hurt. You’d only slept there twice since outside a few naps here and there. Otherwise, you’d been at Andrew and Jess’ place. At first, it was to help with the kids. Or that was the excuse you told yourself, anyway. Andrew had barely even made it into the apartment after being released. He needed help doing everything for weeks and you wrangling the kids gave Jess the space she needed to take care of him. The clinic had all but removed you from the schedule while Andrew recovered, you coming by for a while on Saturday and Sunday but otherwise just teaching and helping them. You’d started going back for a few hours most days but you were still at Andrew and Jess’ place all the time otherwise. 

You knew your apartment was going to feel lonely. Not just because Derek was gone but because you’d smothered the loss with Elizabeth and Jonah and the feeling of being needed. It was time to get back to real life. 

“You’re sure?” She said. “Because I mean it, you can just move in if you want…” 

You laughed at that. 

“No,” you shook your head. “I’ll go home. It’ll be good for me, I need to start adjusting.” 

“Hey,” she said, making you look at her. “You know we love you right? Me, him, the kids? Because we do.” 

You smiled. 

“Love you too.” 

You were right, your apartment was lonely. The air was stale and everything had a fine layer of dust. You made a mental note to try to set aside time to clean the place the next day, it desperately needed some TLC. As you went to bed you sighed and opened the bedside table drawer. Below a few notebooks was the picture of you, Joel and Sarah. 

It hadn’t sat by your bedside in years now. You took it out sometimes to look at when you were home alone but it always went back in the drawer when you were done, tucked away. Your fingers traced the contours of their faces. You wondered what Sarah would look like now. She’d have been the same age Joel was when you first got together - a little older, actually. That was difficult to picture. 

It was hard to think of her in that way. She’d gotten stuck in time, forever nothing but potential. She hadn’t figured out what she wanted to be yet, so you had a hard time picturing her having a career - just images of her looking happy and successful. But you could picture her in a wedding dress, Joel walking her down the aisle with a proud smile on his face. Her cradling a tiny baby with his mother’s springy curls and his grandfather’s nose. Her giving advice to her little sister - now a teenager with long dark hair and her dad’s warm brown eyes - about how to survive college. 

It didn’t seem to matter how much Joel seemed to hate you, how much you desperately wished you could hate him, he’d been built into you somehow. You couldn’t shake him, no matter how hard you tried. 

You put the picture back in its spot beside your bed and tried to sleep, feeling more alone than you had since Joel left you before the outbreak. 

It wasn’t a deep sleep. When there was a quick, quiet knock at your door, you woke with a start. You frowned, glancing at the time. It was well after curfew. You got up and looked through the peephole and saw Ellie, huddled against your door. 

You fumbled with the locks, rushing to get the door open. She hadn’t been in class in a week, you’d asked several administrators where she was and no one would give you a straight answer. You’d gone by her room to check on her and she was nowhere to be found but she hadn’t taken much with her if she’d left. You were about to go to Elias and try to leverage what little FEDRA connections you had to see what records they had about where she’d gone, see if you could get to her. Riley had vanished, too, and you just prayed Ellie hadn't gone after her.

Instead, she’d shown up at your door. You’d given her your address and schedule months ago when she showed up in class with a black eye. 

“You ever feel unsafe,” you said. “Come to me. I will help you, I will drop whatever I’m doing and I will handle it, OK?” 

“OK,” she said. 

She hadn’t shown up with a black eye since. You hadn’t pressed. 

“Ellie,” you pulled her into your chest the second the door was open. Her eyes were teary. She looked exhausted. “Where have you been, what’s been going on? I’ve been asking administration where they sent you but…” 

“Doc,” she sniffed as she pulled back from you and held out her right arm. You gasped, your hand going to your mouth. There was a vicious bite there, the teethmarks deep in her flesh. “I’m in trouble.” 

A/N: AND WE'VE REACHED THE SHOW TIMELINE BUCKLE UP FOLKS!

Yes, everyone got super blown apart this chapter. That's the goal, they're at their most emotionally vulnerable just at the start of this big trip, it's going to be great and angsty and they're going to be forced to reckon with their shit because it's right at the surface heading into these extreme situations GET READY!

I have a taglist that I do my best to keep current, so if you'd like to be added please comment below!

Thank you so much for reading and interacting and getting into this story I decided to write one day. It means so much to me that you're invested in it and I love you all!

Taglist: @paleidiot @ayamenimthiriel @ginger-swag-rapunzel @drewharrisonwriter @flugazi @pedropascalsbbg @taoyuji @starstruckmusiciansartghost @splendsay @bigboiseason123 @jpbplvr @ashleyandring @mrsyixingunicorn10 @sloanexx @ninaminaromina @lady-bellyn @hufflepuffriver @sarap-77 @storyarcscribe @mellymbee @jasminedragoon @lemonmeli @reds-ramblings @arizonadaydreamer @mumma-moonchild @blackroseguzzi @candypeaches16 @kittenlittle24 @wrappedinfiction @oatmeaiboy

[anamoon63]

Hi guys, I am writing this in case anyone wonders why I have been kind of MIA lately. No, I haven't forgotten you, but I have had a difficult week, more than a difficult week, I have been through a real ordeal. Where or how it started it's a long story which I don't have the time or the energy to tell, so I'll just share a brief chronology of what happened during this past week.

Friday May 3 - I turned in my finished work and set out to do my sims posts, play and rest for the weekend since more work would be coming my way on Monday.

Saturday May 4 - My husband came down with the flu, I spent most of the day with him in the emergency room.

Sunday May 5 - I spent it taking care of my husband, who fortunately no longer had a fever. I barely slept two hours at night giving care and medication.

Monday 6 May - My birthday, we couldn't go out for dinner as usual, so we celebrated at home.

Tuesday, May 7 - My son comes down with the flu, too, another afternoon in the ER and sleepless night caring for him and bringing down his fever.

Wednesday, May 8 - My son starts to feel better, and begins to recover very quickly. I start working on the following translations, at the same time I take care of both my husband and my sick son, do food, laundry, order home medicines, and all kinds of small chores, including disinfecting things. It's like going back to 2020.

Thursday, May 9 - My husband no longer has a fever but does have a cough that won't go away and minor problems with his asthma.

Friday, May 10 - Mother's Day, my son was feeling fine, my husband still had a cough, and had a doctor's appointment at noon, when he returned, we celebrated at home just like on my birthday, I spent the rest of the day working, and juggling a thousand other things. In the evening my daughter started to feel sick, but still no fever.

Saturday, May 11 (yesterday) - My daughter woke up with a fever, another visit to the ER. She was prescribed flu medicine, painkillers and rest, and sent home.

And that's my odyssey so far. On top of it all, from Wednesday through Saturday we were in the middle of a heat wave with temperatures of 37ºC with real feel of up to 45ºC; at night we get a "cooler" temperature of 29ºC. So imagine a person with a fever of 38 ºC and with this heat, obviously it's not of much help.

Surprisingly, I haven't gotten sick so far, but I'm not claiming victory. I have been taking care of my family for a week, sleeping two or three hours a night, getting up at different times to check on them, or give them medicine. I don't have time for getting sick! Lol. Thankfully, everyone is better and last night for the first time in a week I was able to sleep straight through. Honestly, I don't need many hours of sleep, but I am routinely and usually I am in bed a 11 pm and up at 8 am every day, so all this did upset my sleep cycle a little bit.

Anyway, that is the reason why I wasn't here much, since the whole day I was too busy, and at night I was so tired all I wanted was to go to bed. I apologize if I've fallen behind on your updates, I'm not ignoring you in any way, I just didn't have the strength or the time, not even to play The Sims. If I did, it was just a little free play to distract myself.

Last week I told you that I was juggling a lot of things, well now I have even more things, lol, at times I feel really exhausted, and even a little cranky from lack of sleep, the first few days my feet and legs hurt so much from going back and forth, but I'm fine, healthy, and in good spirits. Today I believe, as never before, that the universe does not send you more than you can handle.

At this point my family is already in recovery, if I don't get sick too, it's likely by I'll be able to get back to my simming routine. Now, if I do get sick, I hope to recover as quickly as the others. Whatever happens, I'll be around. Know that, even if I don't comment, I read you, and I am with you, especially with those who are going through difficult times of any kind.

Ok, I said to myself this was going to be a short post, but I made a wall of text instead (for a change). My apologies if it's written in a sloppy or confusing way, I just wanted to write it quickly to let you know where I have been and what has been going on with me these days. I hope you are all well, please take care of yourselves, health is a treasure that can be lost at any moment, the flu is a nasty disease, we must never let our guard down and forget to take the necessary measures to prevent it.

Last, but not least, I want to thank all of you who have mentioned me, tagged me, sent me asks and/or stars to my inbox, commented and/or liked what few posts I could do these days, I appreciate it very much and I'll try to reply to you as soon as I can, though I've fallen so far behind that I don't know if I'll be able to find your mentions in my notifications. In any case, thank you very, very much to all of you for thinking about me in my absence. 💗 I'll see you soon, hopefully, with more sim adventures, stay tuned!

[kimoi-boi]

AKA What I'm doing to prepare for Dawntrail.

Note: A LOT of the stuff I've listed here is definitely sweaty min/maxing exp gains and you don't REALLY need to do it if you're just interested in the story stuff. The most important thing is to make sure you're caught up on MSQ and geared up before DT launches.

This got a lot longer than I was expecting, so I'm putting it under a cut lmao.

Make sure you're caught up with MSQ. I know this one seems like a no-brainer, but nothing I put in here applies to anyone that's still working through previous expansions!

If you're interested in playing VPR and PCT, you can use your Poetics to get Scouting/Casting Cryptlurker gear from the Crystarium/Eulmore. Both jobs will come with starting gear, but it will only be ilvl 430 so having another 100 ilvl will help out. You'll have to wait til DT launch to get the weapons, but you at least have time to get a full set of both armors.

On the subject of gearing, make sure you have at LEAST ilvl 630 gear going into the first DT dungeon! Ideally, you'll have either i650 or i660 gear, but you'll need a minimum of i630 to even be able to queue for the level 91 dungeon. If you have i660 gear, that will absolutely carry you through all of DT until you get your free AF gear, especially if you supplement it with the gear you get from dungeons.

Try to cap on Tomestones of Causality and Comedy if you don't have any relics/current gear to buy. You'll be able to exchange these for Poetics on DT launch. IIRC, the exchange rate will be 4:1. If both are capped, that's an extra 1000 Poetics right from the start.

Pick up a Wondrous Tails book for this week and fill out all 9 stickers, but DO NOT TURN IT IN. Each book is good for two weeks, which means this week's book will last until early access starts. Turn it in on your job of choice at DT launch for a ton of early exp, and then pick up next week's book for even more exp gains. This can REALLY help boost VPR and PCT if you're looking to level them quickly to use for MSQ!

If you've got the Hippo Riders tribe quests unlocked, you can pick up your 3 daily quests, do them, but DO NOT TURN THEM IN. Again, wait until DT launch to turn them in for quick exp gains. This will mean you won't be able to do any other new days' tribal quests, so do this closer to when servers go down for maintenance! If you turn them in before daily reset (8am PDT) on the day of early access, you'll even be able to pick up 3 more after you turn those in and then ANOTHER 3 after daily reset hits.

Stock up on cheap food or use old, outdated raid food as you're leveling. That extra 3% gain isn't too shabby over the course of 10 levels.

If you craft/gather, try to cap on those scrips as well, especially white scrips. White scrips will be phased out and can be exchanged for purple scrips at a 1:1 rate. This can be used to get materia that you'll need to pentameld with at level 100!

If you gather, make sure to pick up 8 MIN leves and 8 BTN leves from Old Sharlayan. Do them, but DO NOT TURN THEM IN until DT launch. It will give you a bunch of early exp for both of those. Make sure to do this at least 3 days before early access so your leves have time to accumulate again! Don't bother with crafting/fishing leves, as the exp to these will not be worth it.

Again for crafting/gathering, stock up on common materials for your GC turn-ins. Having them ready to go at launch means you won't have to spend time/gil gathering later and can be crafted into things for your turn-ins for early exp gains. GamerEscape has lists sorted by class that you can use to kind of gauge which materials you'll want to stock up on.

Be REALLY careful about doing challenge log stuff next Tuesday. Weekly reset will happen well before early access and if you complete challenge log entries before then, you'll be missing out on exp. This includes things like running dungeons, giving coms, gathering things, desynthing things, etc.

Next week, you can also pre-game Custom Deliveries by crafting/gathering them on Tuesday, but waiting until early access to turn them in. Again, this is great for an early exp boost! Don't bother stocking up on level 90 collectables outside of Custom Deliveries, as these will not be worth the exp!

If you've got extra grade 10 materia, hold onto it until DT. You can take them to Mutamix in Central Thanalan and try to transmute them into the new grade 11 materia. This one's kind of a low priority, but it's something to think about doing since grade 10 materia will be mostly worthless in DT.

Try to get your weekly hunts done, even after DT launches. You can use Allied and Centurio seals to get Aetheryte Tickets, which will give you free teleports! If the pattern of new hunt currency holds, then Nuts should also be getting Aetheryte Tickets and there will be a new hunt currency for DT. And if they break tradition and keep Nuts as current currency, then there will almost certainly be new things to buy with them!

Either turn off shout/yell/say chats OR have a chat tab that only has party and maybe FC chat or whatever linkshells you can trust to not have jerks in it. This will hopefully prevent assholes from spoiling things for you while still being able to communicate with party members/friends.

If you're a sidequest enjoyer like I am, make sure you don't have too many quests in your journal. You can only have 30 active at a time, which includes MSQ! Either clear the ones you've got before DT or abandon them and get back to them later if it's possible. Leves do NOT count against this, since they have their own limit.

Clean up your inventories, including your retainers and saddlebag(s). Anything that's easy to get or can easily be replaced (outside of stuff specifically stockpiled for GC turn-ins), just get rid of or sell on the MB. Having to run to your retainers every time your inventory gets full really takes you out of the flow of the MSQ and is kind of a bummer.

Back up your settings from the character log-in screen. You never know if data will get borked during an update and you really don't want to lose your hotbars/settings and have to spend hours fixing them. You can do this by pressing the little gear next to your character's name and uploading your settings to the server. I actually recommend doing this routinely even outside of new expansions!

And that's about all I can think of at the moment! Again, most of this is pretty sweaty advice. If anything I've listed here sounds like it'd be too annoying or would take the fun out of stuff, then feel free to disregard it. I have fun finding efficient ways to do things in this game, but I know it's absolutely not for everyone!

[shrinkthisviolet]

talk shop tuesday - outside of your active WIPs, what is/are your next big fic/fics on the horizon, even if they're just outlines for now 🎤?

Oooh 👀 interesting question! This got long, so under the cut:

So ofc the Morgan and Lucy AUs are my active WIPs but…within those, there are some fics that I haven’t written but have been at least vaguely outlined.

For the main Morgan AU, these include:

1x17 and onwards fic. I haven’t decided if this will include the finale or if that’ll be its own fic, but I’ll see how the flow goes

E2 rescue fic. I’ve gone back and forth about having Morgan help rescue Jesse, but I’m more and more in favor of it as time goes on. Her dynamic with E2 Barry is so sweet to think about 🥰 (and E1 Barry being a little jealous of Morgan calling another version of Barry “like her brother”, even tho Morgan would clearly only be saying that to mess with him 😂). Plus, her potential standoffs with Zoom compel me. I’d have to rewatch the episodes to add more detail. In any case, Morgan would definitely use the telepathy link as an excuse to come, hoping she can find some way to reopen it after Jesse accidentally (not that Morgan knows it was an accident) closed it in the last fic

Jesse POV fic. This covers the events of s2 up to [episode TBD] from Jesse’s POV. So we’ll get to see her get kidnapped, her interactions with Zoom, befriending the real Jay (which didn’t happen in canon, but the medallion says that’s dumb, so it happens here)…and the telepathy link. I originally thought of taking it up to 2x16, but…since Morgan’s likely gonna be part of the E2 rescue, I’ll have to fiddle with things 😅

2x16 fic. Eliza survives this ofc, and as I’ve mentioned prior, there’s no split personality. Taking inspo from the comics for this one, and blending it with show canon: she got powers from the accelerator and the constant defibrillation made her powers unstable. She thus created the drug Sharp to dampen her powers. She’s also a WOC like the comics, unlike the show. Beyond that, the rest is TBD 😂

Morgan & Jesse roommates fic! This is the “enemies to besties/sisters” fic. Jesse shows up at Morgan’s apartment when she runs away, and though Morgan is reluctant to help because of how she and Jesse rub each other the wrong way (they’re a bit jealous of each other, seeing the other as the best version of them, etc etc), she ofc does—she can’t let Jesse wander Starling City alone, especially without powers and with Zoom possibly able to find her if he’s hellbent enough on it. Over time, they get to know each other and become close! Exact timespan is unknown rn, but depending on which episode this needs to be wrapped up by, I might artificially extend the time to at least a few weeks

2x17 fic! I’ve thought about this quite a bit :D Barry time-traveling to 1x11, being furious at Thawne and guilty that he can’t help the others…and also also, using Morgan against him 👀 Eowells is a sucky father in so many ways, but if he knows Morgan is in grave danger, he’ll do anything to stop it (after all, she can’t be his treasure if she’s dead, can she?)

s3 arc. This is…vaguely outlined. I’ll have to sit down post-s2 and really go through it, and especially as I rewatch s3, but…I’ve thought a lot about it, especially how I’m gonna rewrite Savitar and his dynamic with Morgan. I’ve been inspired quite a bit by the comics lately, especially a certain blue speedster in them…👀

For Morgan AU spin-offs, these include:

the “daddy issues AU” is starting to be outlined! I’ve written a couple snippets to get in the zone too :D the first fic just covers Barry’s placement with Eowells and meeting Morgan…and it’s delightful to write. That’ll be the only fic from Barry’s POV, I think—the others will be Morgan’s. It’ll cover s1…possibly s2 but I doubt it

CF AU s1 has been vaguely outlined, even though that’s a ways from now 😂 it’ll ofc be Barry’s POV and cover him waking up, realizing Morgan and Iris are hiding something, and trying to uncover it while hiding his own secret. Don’t worry though, everyone is ofc looped in way sooner than canon

I am ofc currently writing the first fic of a soulmates AU, which should be done this week, and although it’s just the intro fic I’ve written (pre-s1), I’ve thought about how the s1 arc will go. Specifically…how Morgan and Barry’s interactions will go 👀 I can’t say too much because of spoilers, but needless to say, there’s a big mystery at the center of s1 regarding Morgan…and she doesn’t realize it for a while

For the Lucy AU…there’s a few:

post-ESB fic, pre-ROTJ. Covers the fallout of ESB, sorta bridges it to ROTJ. This will be when Lucy gets her Jedi training, while Luke is reeling from the Vader reveal and goes off on…whatever quest he goes on (I still need to read those supplemental comics 😅). Lucy is also, ofc, reeling from Lando’s betrayal—she can’t seem to shake it, even while Leia’s able to push through it. Leia gets Lando’s reasons on some level, even if she’s hurt…but Lucy doesn’t. Something else major also happens 👀 but…spoilers!

TFA fic! Which is jumping ahead quite a bit, but…vague outline and all that. Lucy is ofc raising Rey on Jakku, and there’s some growing pains…especially since Rey, unlike canon, wants to go out into the world, because she knows her family is out there. Lucy, however, believes everyone is dead and that they’re safest here. She’s tired of fighting, tired of losing people. They clash quite a few times about this…though ultimately, when Lucy finds out Leia is alive, ofc she and Rey both go. Also in this fic, there’s no fake Poe death, so the ST trio is established from early on!

OH ALSO:

PJO x Flash AU!! How the PJO trio gets to the Arrowverse is still up in the air, but they have their show appearances (their backstory is the books’ story, not the show, though there are a couple things from s1 I’m carrying over). And ofc the central conflict, besides the general events of the show, is that the more Team Flash finds out about these kids’ past, and especially about the Prophecy, the more reluctant they are to send them back. This causes a number of fights between Barry and Percy in particular, because Percy wants to get home to Sally and also take on the Prophecy so Nico doesn’t have to. Barry meanwhile is so angry that Percy has to make the choice between protecting his loved ones and keeping himself safe. There’s also, in s3, some fun Savitar & Percy interaction that furthers these themes…👀

That’s about it as far as vaguely-outlined fics go! Probably a bit of a longer list than you were expecting 😅 but I do like to bounce around

talk shop tuesday!

Taglist (send an ask or DM to be added or removed):

@arrthurpendragon @ocappreciationtag @raith-way @vexic929 @ironverseocs @thechaoticfanartist @goldheartedchaoticdisaster @negative-speedforce @dream-beyond-the-fantasy @starstruckpurpledragon @angst-is-love-angst-is-life

[bloodgulchblog]

Is it ever specified or even shown how humanity was told that the war was over? Like, after the events of Halo 3, how tf did Humanity get over (if they did) the Covenant appearing and just glassing a solid portion of Africa?

(As usual, I answer this while explaining everything I know so my apologies to anyone who already knows some or all of it.)

I would hesitate to say that humanity got over any of it, really. There is still high animosity between humans and ex-Covenant species. We just see lots of major Halo characters trying really hard to preserve a fragile peace where they can. There is a multi-species city called Paxopolis that was built inside the Dyson Sphere at what used to be Onyx to support the research going on out there, but it's a major outlier. Candidates to live in Paxopolis are rigorously screened for being able to live with other species before being sent out there. Meanwhile on Carrow, humans and Sangheili are living on opposite sides of a desert and are on the brink of conflict pretty much constantly.

(Another interesting outlier, though, is places like noted hive of scum and villainy Venezia. Rebel-heavy human populations have so much bad blood with the UNSC/Earth that honestly the ex-Covenant doesn't feel that much different for them, and so you've got humans, Kig-Yar, and Sangheili able to drink in the same bars out there.)

As for just telling people the war was over? It takes a while for communication to travel to all the nooks and crannies of an interstellar civilization, even (or perhaps, especially) one as thoroughly ravaged as humanity was. We do have some canon examples of the consequences.

The worst of these by far was Operation SUNSPEAR. I hate to spoil a genuinely good book because I think Envoy is great, but at the time Reach fell a team of Spartans had been sent behind enemy lines. Their mission was to take out Covenant leaders and destroy Sanghelios with a NOVA planet cracker bomb. They figured out they wouldn't be able to get Sanghelios, but they did manage to post up over the colony world Glyke to await further updates on what they should do.

The team had lost all communications with their chain of command (and Earth at all) not long after being told that Earth was under attack by the Covenant. After waiting in silence and eventually becoming sure that Earth was gone, they destroyed the planet.

....And it turns out they did this in the weeks right after humanity signed a treaty with the Arbiter, because the news just hadn't been able to get out there yet and nobody could tell them.

The fallout from that happening is the central Problem of an entire book (...well, there's also a big ancient Forerunner weapon crisis at the same time, but that's just Halo Tuesday it's fine) and nobody is okay about it.

And speaking of the glassing in Africa, the title character of Envoy is Melody Azikiwe, who was very personally impacted. I was able to find this moment cause I remembered some of the wording, so:

The second example that comes to mind immediately is a lot less dramatic: There's a short story called Breaking Strain in the Fractures anthology in which a UNSC ship (the Dark Was the Night) has been stranded on the colony of Losing Hand for a long time, and relations between the UNSC crew and the locals are getting tenser and worse by the day. When things are coming to a head, they pick up some Covenant approaching on sensors and start preparing for the worst.

...And then when the "Covenant" arrive, it turns out to actually be a joint team of humans and Sangheili who tell them that the war is actually over, it's 2553 and it ended last year.

Last example I can remember offhand: we also know that this happened on the Sangheili side too. Jul 'Mdama ends up on a Sangheili colony that doesn't know the war is over, and breaks the news to them. (It was April 2553, so the war had been officially over for over 4 months at that point.)

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

Wonderful World - Part 3

THINGS ARE HAPPENING! There's a little bit of angst, nothing heart wrenching, but it's moving along!

Series Masterlist

Warning: Mentions of infidelity and infidelity

WC: 12.1k

Diana was constantly checking on Celeste throughout the next few days, especially when she told Diana that she would be meeting with Principal Whittaker that morning. Wednesdays were a busy day for Y/N, so she was a bit distracted during teaching at times, just anxious to know what was coming next. She wouldn’t see her until she got back home since on her busy days, Tuesdays and Wednesdays, Grace helped with picking her up from school. She hadn’t seen Harry at the cafe on Tuesday and Diana felt increasingly great about them not running into each other at the cafe before their evening classes, she was embarrassed after dumping all the information about Wesley to Harry. She should’ve known that he was more professional than what she had given him credit for. But more than that, the way that he looked into her eyes that night…she hadn’t been able to shake the feeling it gave her. It stirred something deep inside of her that she hadn’t felt in a long time, a curiosity that she knew would only guide her down a road of yearning that she knew was not possible. He was Celeste’s therapist and he had a girlfriend, from what she knew. There were bigger things going on in her life and yet, she would constantly circle back to wanting to see just another glimpse of him. It was a mental war that she seemed to play with herself since meeting him and it felt like she was losing her mind as she swore she conjured him walking past the lecture hall she had just walked out of with her thoughts. Or at least it looked like him, the man was swiftly walking past the front of her building with a girl hurrying along by his side.

“-I just feel like my supervisor is not really giving me what I need.” Diana heard the girl saying as she descended down the stairs, ready to head off but then she heard his voice.

“Well, again I am just an adjunct. And like I mentioned to you after class last week and in the email you sent Friday, you should really get some advice from your faculty advisor about this. The paths of psychiatry and counseling are vastly different, Sam. I’m not really the person to ask advice from when it comes to your supervision. I didn’t even train here for the clinical aspect of therapy.” He explained as he came to a stop and the girl stepped a bit closer to him and he seemed tense. Diana’s car was that way, she would walk past them and she could see how tightly he was clinging to the strap of his bag. He was uncomfortable and she decided to just chance an interruption that would stop this girl from whatever she was trying to do.

“But Dr. Styles,-”

“Hey hon, sorry I’m late! My class ran a bit long, had a lot of questions from my students.” Diana spoke up as she came closer and his eyes widened for a moment as he saw her coming and then his lips turned into a smile as she approached.

“Hey, it’s alright.” He said as he turned his attention to Diana as she stopped before them. The young woman turned to her and quite literally looked her over head to toe, sure it was subtle, but she caught it before looking at him. His smile of relief was so cute and smug, “So, are you ready to go, baby?” He asked with a smirk and she smiled at him and nodded, not minding the way that she just melted inside.

“Yeah, let’s go.” She said and he cocked his head, asking her to come closer, “Excuse us.” Diana said as she stepped around the girl who had been following Harry.

“Yes, excuse us, Sam. See you in class next week and please, make sure you talk to Dr. Abioye about your fieldwork supervisor, OK?” Harry said as he extended his hand out towards Diana and she didn’t even hesitate before she took it. That same shock of electricity they had experienced before seemed to shoot through them both as their eyes met as his large and warm hand encased hers and he just offered her a smile before they started walking off. They didn’t say anything for a bit as they both tried to just process the fact that they were holding hands right now. Harry liked the feeling of her skin against his and he wondered how she actually liked to hold hands with a partner. Diana was wondering the exact same thing about him and more… about how his big hands would feel around her hips or waist, or rubbing over her back and thighs…

“Well that was fateful…” Harry said as they continued walking off, breaking the silence and her train of thought before it meandered down smuttier terrain. Diana smiled up at him as he spoke up again, “Is she still there?” He asked and she reached into her pocket with her free hand and opened up the front-facing camera to peek behind them.

“No, she’s walking the other way. We’re good.” Diana said and he looked over to her before releasing her hand with some hesitation.

“Thanks for stepping in, I got flustered when she started to follow me.”

“Yikes, persistent…is that the one you were concerned about?” Diana asked and Harry chuckled.

“Yeah, that’d be her…” he mumbled, “So your class just ended too?”

“A bit ago, but I got caught up chatting with a colleague who was also teaching tonight.” She explained.

“Oh OK, well lucky me.” Harry smiled and she chuckled, “How’s Celeste?” He asked turning to her.

“Good I hope. That’s kind of why I’m a little nervous to get back home and hear what she has to say, she talked to the principal today. I’m just anxious to know what happened and what comes next, you know?”

“I can imagine. I must admit that she’s been on my mind a lot the last few days as well.” He explained as they continued walking towards the parking structure. “Like I keep thinking that she’s just a kid and no kid should have to go through shit like that.” 

“Yeah, I agree. But we live in a complex world…and it's just unfair sometimes.” she sighed.

“You are completely right about that.” Harry agreed. It often bothered him that bad things could happen to good people and that nothing could be done about it, that’s one of the reasons he wanted to go into the mental health profession. Because he wanted to help people be happy again if possible, “But despite the crappy things in it, it can still be pretty wonderful.” He expressed optimistically and smiled at her and she smiled as well.

“I agree, it is pretty wonderful.” She chimed in her agreement, “Did you park in the structure?” She asked him.

“Yeah, I did.”

“OK, for sure.” She smiled as they kept walking, “Other than being followed by your student, how was class tonight?”

“It was really good. We had a good discussion about addressing distressing situations via telehealth. I’ve got a pretty good group of students. They’re all very insightful.” He smiled, “How was your class?” 

“It was alright, I haven’t really been too focused today, so I fear I was rather monotonous. This class was just another section of my Spanish language course.” She explained.

“Wow, you really are anxious about what happened with Celeste.” He said and she nodded.

“I have no idea what I can even say to her. Like I know it’s not my fault that she’s going through this, but I also can’t really help her, even if I want to. Like I’ve done what I can for now and I have to leave it up to someone else and it’s just worrisome.” She explained, “I wish I could do more or just protect her better, you know?”

“I can imagine, but you’re really doing the best thing and all that you can for her. She knows that you love her and support her, she knows now that she can trust you with this stuff too. Plus, she’s got good friends who look out for her as well, so I think that she’ll get through it. She doesn’t seem to be giving up in the slightest and that’s really important.” Harry assured her and that gave Diana some peace. She knew that Celeste was a fighter, both she and Wesley were fighters. They were both determined and focused and it only made sense that Celeste had inherited those things from them.

“Thank you, Harry. That means a lot.” She smiled up at him and he nodded in response. They continued walking in silence for a bit and then she cleared her throat before speaking again, “Hey, so I’ve been wondering…like this isn’t normal is it?” She asked and he looked to her with some confusion.

“What isn’t?”

“Like us talking and hanging out while you’re Celeste’s therapist? Like I wouldn’t go as far as saying that we’re friends yet, but I feel like it would be really easy to befriend you if this continues happening.” She explained and he hummed in understanding.

“I mean, yeah, we try not to overlap those things. And well, I agree that it’d be really easy to befriend you. Like it’s just really easy to be around you.” He explained and she nodded.

“Yeah, I feel the same.” She agreed, “And I mean, it’s not like we plan to keep running into each other outside of what we have scheduled…but it keeps happening and well, I know I can’t ask you about Celeste, so I ask you about other things-”

“Right…and it just makes me want to ask more questions about you.” He cut in and she giggled.

“Right!” She exclaimed as if he had just read her mind and he smiled at her.

“Yeah, it’s not ideal but what can we do if we run into each other randomly and we get on perfectly?” He questioned rhetorically as they walked into the parking structure.

“I mean, I can pretend like I didn’t see you or something.” She mumbled as they walked up to the elevator and she pressed the call button.

“Yeah, I don’t think I’d like that.” He said immediately, “At all.” He added for emphasis as he looked to her and before she could respond the elevator pinged to announce it’s arrival and the heavy steel doors slid open and she stepped in, thinking he would follow her in, but as she turned he was just holding the door open, still looking at her.

“What’s wrong?” She asked and he shook his head.

“Nothing, I shouldn’t have…said what I said.” He explained and she frowned.

“Oh, I mean, I didn’t read into it in any way. No one likes being ignored. It’s just not a nice feeling.” She reasoned.

“Yeah, but we’re not even friends. Like you said. So it shouldn’t bother me like that.” He said and her brows raised a bit in understanding.

“Oh.” She responded so quietly that he barely heard it. He felt the doors try to push themselves closed before running into his hand and they gave up on trying to shut him out and stayed open.

“Fuck, and it’s not like I’m into you.” He fibbed, but he felt like he had to say that and she wasn’t sure why that made her feel a bit sad, but it did. “I mean, I have a girlfriend. But I just like you, like I’m curious about you because I feel like we would get along really well. Or we do and-”

“Yeah, I get it.” She offered a tight-lipped smile and he sighed and nodded. He didn’t want to keep stumbling over himself like this, it was embarrassing that he couldn’t be composed around her.

“Thank you for saving me tonight, truly. But maybe we should just stick to a friendly wave next time we run into each other.” He said, not even looking into her eyes anymore. Hearing him say that was hurting her feelings more than she would like, but this only proved that he was absolutely right about what he was suggesting.

“OK.” She agreed quietly and he could just see that she was a bit hurt through the expression on her face and her unwillingness to meet his eyes when he finally looked back to her face. Hearing her agree to this put a lump in Harry’s throat, but it was the right thing to do because her own feelings of upset at this conversation just proved that there would potentially be a problem ahead if they continued making light of their attraction and curiosity towards each other, “Well, have a good night.” She said as she pressed the button to the floor she had parked on and then looked back into his eyes and he tensed up his jaw as a new tension grew between them as they just looked at each other, “Are you coming in?” Diana asked and he shook his head.

“Got lucky and found a spot down here.” He informed.

“OK, then let go of the door, please.” She requested and he blinked a few times before nodding.

“Right.” He said removing his arm, but he still didn’t leave, he felt like walking away would make her upset and more than that, it would make his heart hurt. Harry stayed put and watched the doors close on them before he cursed lowly and headed towards his car.

As soon as the elevator started moving up Diana took a long and deep breath to ward away the discomfort she felt in her chest. She shouldn’t have been feeling this way at all…she shouldn’t be missing the feeling of their hands clasped together. Nor the size or warmth of his hand around hers. It made her heart start to beat faster and faster. She knew now that she definitely had a crush on him. He had a girlfriend though. And he was Celeste’s therapist. She needed to snap out of it! If it were nothing at all, she wouldn’t be upset about this, but she was and that spoke volumes about how she felt about him. He was just being friendly with her and she had somehow twisted it into this crush…he was just so lovely that it had been hard not to like him and well now, she needed to just steer clear for the greater good.

*********

Rebecca rolled her shoulders back before pushing herself up from her bed. She was worn out and she wanted a cup of tea or something to help wind her down while Eddie finished getting dressed. She felt strange, because she thought she would be feeling more guilty for sleeping with someone else. She hadn’t planned for this to happen at all…it was Valentine’s Day when Eddie first kissed her in the parking lot outside of their office and he apologized about it but she had assured him it was alright, it just shouldn’t happen again since they worked together and things could get weird and Eddie agreed. She had not once brought Harry up now that she thought about it. Sure, she was attracted to Eddie and he was attracted to her, but she didn’t think too much of it at all until that kiss. And now today, they had been working late and Harry was teaching so she asked Eddie if he wanted to stay for dinner and one thing led to another and well…it was done now. And it had been pretty good.

“Hey, are you OK?” Eddie asked as he came up behind her and wrapped his arm around her waist and she sighed and nodded.

“Yeah, I was just thinking about how I didn’t even think about Harry once.” She confessed, “Like…that’s kind of fucked up, no?” She asked as she turned in his grip.

“It depends.” Eddie said and she rolled her lips together pensively, “Do you love him?” He asked and Rebecca sighed.

“Yeah, I do love him and I care about him but I don’t know if I love him the way I should for having been with him as long as I have.” She explained, “I’m such a mess…shit.” She sighed and Eddie frowned.

“You’re not. Look we obviously like each other…I’m not saying to end it with him, but just…think about what we could do together. He doesn’t give a fuck about anything that you’re trying to accomplish and-”

“You don’t even know him!” Rebecca jumped to Harry’s defense and Eddie sighed.

“You said that to me, Becs. I’m just telling it like you told me.” He said and she sighed before shaking her head.

“It’s almost 10:30 and we didn’t even eat…” she mumbled.

  “Should I go pick something up?” He asked softly, his hand caressed her cheek tenderly.

“Yeah, please. I just want some fries.” She said and he nodded.

“OK, I’ll be back in a few.” Eddie assured and was soon leaving Rebecca’s apartment. When she went back to her bedroom she checked her phone and saw that Harry had texted her just minutes prior to say he had just gotten home after class and had wished her a good night. She texted him back and then got to stripping the bedsheets to get them in the washer before setting new ones on. About 15 minutes later Eddie was letting himself back in before locking up the front door and when he made it into her room he climbed back on the bed with her and they got to eating.

Rebecca had been so nice and welcoming from the moment Eddie had arrived at the firm. She was beautiful and smart and he immediately liked her. They became friends swiftly, he had only gotten hired in December, but the hours they spent together were long and it just facilitated a friendship between them. He was 28 and she was 30, so there was a small age difference between them, but that really didn’t matter to him. They cared about the same things and they were both into each other, or at least he assumed she was into him too. She would flirt back with him all the time and in their time together she had only mentioned her boyfriend once, that’s how he found out about him. And all she had done was complain about him, Eddie didn’t need to meet Harry to know that he and Rebecca were completely incompatible. When he kissed her that first time she hadn’t been upset at him, she just suggested they don’t do it again and well, tonight things just got out of hand, but it just felt so right and she didn’t feel bad about it, she had said so herself. He didn’t feel bad about it either, in fact she had kissed him first tonight.

“Hey, on Friday night just…lay low, OK? Henry’s girlfriend is bringing a friend and maybe you can hang out with her a bit.” Rebecca said and despite the slight irritation he felt with that he knew she was right.

“Yeah, that’s cool.” He agreed as he ate his own food.

“And we shouldn’t have sex again until I can figure out what the hell I’m going to do, OK? It’s not fair to Harry.” She explained and Eddie grinned.

“Too good, huh? Can’t cloud your judgement?” He joked to lighten the mood and she rolled her eyes.

“He’s…really good too by the way.” She said with a grin and Eddie chuckled, “I just don’t know what’s wrong…” she trailed off with a small frown.

“It means a lot more than you think it does if your heart’s not in it anymore, Becs.” He said and she sighed.

“Let’s talk about something else, OK?” She mumbled before stuffing some fries in her mouth.

*********

Harry had every intention of dropping by Rebecca’s after class but his mind was completely clouded over with everything that had to do with Diana. That deliciously warm cherry scent that wafted off of her. Her smile. Her deep gaze. Her soothing and soft voice. She talked pretty and her lips were pretty and he’d be a liar if he denied ever wondering about how her kiss would feel. See, he couldn’t very well show up and spend time with his girlfriend while he had another person on his mind. He couldn’t stop imagining the feeling of his hand holding hers. He wanted to feel their fingers interlocked securely and he wanted to hug her into his body so badly. He felt that there were many layers to her that he was desirous to explore, but physically, he just wanted to be close to her. It almost felt like fate kept pushing them together and that thrilled him and kept him sharp.

Harry loved Rebecca, but he felt like sometimes she didn’t give him what he needed in terms of their relationship. She was so focused on her professional aspirations, she did try, but it seemed like she was always busy or doing something work related. They had agreed to let each other be, but sometimes he wished that they could be a bit more normal, he regretted whatever arrangement they had made with each other because he felt like life was passing him by. Maybe that’s why he was so attracted to Diana, because she seemed to have it all? Well, everything that he knew he wanted at some point. He had just turned 33, and he knew that with his career choice he was bound to start life a little later than others, but he at least hoped that he would have a fiancé by now. Which he supposes he could have, but when he saw how things were with Rebecca he couldn’t foresee himself asking her to marry him any time soon or her even accepting a proposal from him. Maybe Henry had been right all along and his and Rebecca’s relationship was just a convenient arrangement for them both? He couldn’t say there wasn’t love and care between them, but if he wasn’t in love with her she certainly wasn’t in love with him.

**********

“So it went well then?” Diana asked Celeste who nodded with a smile.

“Yeah, principal Whittaker was able to see the footage from the hallway cameras and of course, Geri witnessed it so she confirmed the narrative as well. I think it helped that in the video you could see that they were waiting for me by my locker.” Celeste said and Diana frowned.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s OK, she got detention for three weeks and has a mandatory meeting with the school counselor.”

“That’s it?” Diana questioned with shock.

“Well it’s her first offense. Obviously they’re gonna talk to her parents about it, but hopefully this keeps her in check for a bit. I just wish I knew what I did to make her hate me so much.” Celeste frowned and Diana shook her head.

“Some people are just mean, mi amor.” She said as Celeste curled into her side, “I don’t know why, but there are just bad people. If you ever feel unsafe or like not enough has been done to help please let me know, OK?”

“I will, mom.” She assured, “Dr. Styles has helped a lot too, I feel like I’m not as scared as I was before. Now he’s helping me more with the anger I feel when they pick on me.” She explained and Diana nodded.

“That’s good. It’s important to learn how to express your anger in healthy ways. I’m just happy that he’s helping you out.” She smiled and Celeste nodded.

“Oh, Grace said that you better not bail on her on Friday.” Celeste spoke up and Diana sighed.

“I won’t…” Diana mumbled and Celeste giggled.

“You thought of it though, didn’t you?” She challenged her mom and Diana rolled her eyes.

“Whatever…but I also don’t want to leave her alone with a bunch of strangers so I won’t.”

“She showed me her boyfriend, he’s cute.” Celeste said, “Maybe she can find you a cute doctor friend of his.” She joked and Diana scoffed.

“Little girl…” she said as she pulled back from their hug to see Celeste giggling.

“What? I’ve never seen you have a boyfriend or girlfriend or anyone!”

“So?” Diana asked and Celeste shrugged, “I have gone on dates.” Diana shared and Celeste gasped.

“And you’ve never told me?!” She questioned scooting away from her mom’s embrace to be able to look her in the eyes as they talked about this.

“I would if I wanted to continue dating someone. There’s been plenty of first dates, but I don’t want to have you meeting tons of people for no reason.”

“Tons? OK, mom...” Celeste smirked and Diana rolled her eyes.

“You know what I mean.” She said before laughing a bit.

“You don’t get lonely?” Celeste asked more seriously.

“Not really…I have you and my friends and well my job is also very time-consuming so I don’t have tons of free time where I would prefer going out over a good nap.” She confessed and Celeste chuckled.

“Lazy.” She shook her head.

“You’ll understand when you’re older. Wait until your senior years comes around and you get hit with the senioritis.” Diana warned.

“Can’t wait.” Celeste mumbled, “So…when was the last time you got asked out?” Celeste went back to the topic at hand. 

“Why are you suddenly so curious about this?”

“Just because! We’ve never really talked about it in depth.” She explained and Diana nodded. That was true, it seemed that now was a good age to be more open about her love life with Celeste. She assumed she would soon start getting asked out and things like that.

“Yeah, that’s true…well you’re older now so if you have questions about anything-”

“Oh mom, no…” Celeste scoffed with a scowl.

“Well, that’s part of this topic too, so I’m just saying.” She reminded before continuing to answer Celeste’s initial question, “And to answer your question it was tonight, the last time I’ve been asked on a date.” Celeste’s face lit up and Diana chuckled.

“Who was it? What’s his name? What’d you say?” She asked eagerly.

“He’s a colleague, one of the History professors. His name is Gabriel Klein.” Diana shared, opting to not dwell on the encounter she had with Harry right after her chat with Gabriel.

“Is he cute?” Celeste pressed and Diana went all pink in the face as she nodded.

“Yeah, he’s…very cute.” She assured and Celeste grinned.

“So are you gonna go out with him?” She asked and Diana sighed.

“I don’t know, I told him I’d think about it.”

“Oh my god, why?”

“I got nervous!” Diana giggled, “We’ve talked a few times since I started lecturing int that building and he’s nice, but I just got really nervous and told him I’d let him know.”

“Maybe you don’t have as much game as I thought.” Celeste teased and Diana laughed.

“I really don’t.” She assured with a giggle, “Now, how are your fingers feeling? Do we need to continue taping them up?”

“They don’t hurt as much, still hurt sometimes. The nurse makes sure I have an icepack all the time, which is good.”

“Good. We’ll check again on Friday.” Diana assured with a smile. After a bit more chatting Diana left Celeste alone and headed off to get ready for bed. Once cozied up she was scrolling through her phone for a bit trying not to think about Harry. She couldn’t help it though.  She dropped her phone and raised both of her hands before her face, palm to palm and sighed as she interlocked her fingers together, she wasn’t going to lie. She missed that feeling, she hadn’t held hands with anyone in a really long time. She rolled her eyes and then reached over to switch the bedside lamp off. 

**********

It was Friday and Celeste would be spending the night at Geri’s place. Diana was feeling a bit nervous about this escape room thing, she had never done that before and to be honest she wasn’t sure what to expect. She wasn’t fond of the feeling of being trapped, so at least she knew she’d be eager to find ways to get out. She was getting changed into something a bit more causal after work. She kept on her knit sweater but took her trousers off and slipped into some jeans and sneakers instead. She then washed her face, took out her contacts and redid her make-up a little lighter and slipped her glasses on. She did not forget to spritz on her usual perfume and then hurried down to the kitchen to have a snack before they left. She had been rather busy and skipped lunch, the plan was to go to a bar after, so she wanted to ensure she ate something before she had anything to drink. She only waited about 10 minutes before Grace was calling her that she was out front with Henry. So she switched on the living room light and then hurried outside. Grace and Henry were chatting on the sidewalk.

“Hey!” Diana smiled as she came up to them.

“Hey, Di.” Grace greeted her with a hug and she squeezed a bit before letting go, “This is Henry. Henry, this is Diana, my best friend.” Grace introduced them and they both stepped forward and hugged each other briefly.

“It’s great to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you.” Henry said with a bright smile as he pulled back.

“It’s wonderful to finally meet you too!” Diana assured. 

After exchanging a few pleasantries they got back into the car and were heading off towards the escape room. Grace explained that she nor Diana had ever done anything like this, so Henry was explaining what everything was like and what they had to do. This eased a lot of the anxiety that Diana had as it wasn’t as daunting as she had made up in her mind. He assured them that the theme was a bank heist one, so nothing scary or horror based, which had been Grace’s concern, but also Diana’s, they were wimps for scary things.

“I promise you guys will have fun. Maybe Diana can keep joining us if she really likes it? It’s always fun when we get to do the bigger rooms.” Henry explained with excitement. After about 15 minutes they were pulling into the parking lot and entering the building. As soon as they came in another guy who was hanging out in the waiting area sprang up from the bench there.

“Hi, are you Henry?” The young man asked and Henry nodded.

“OK, cool. I’m Eddie, Rebecca’s friend.” He said extending his hand out as they introduced each other, “I was reading I had to come 15 minutes before the time and I was worried you all changed plans.” He joked and Henry chuckled along explaining that as seasoned escapees they didn’t show up early anymore because they were familiar with the rules.

“Sorry, we should’ve told you.” He said and Eddie assure him it was alright, “This is Grace, my date tonight.” Henry introduced her, “And her friend, Diana.” He said and Diana extended her hand.

“Ah, nice to meet you. I guess we’re the spares.” He said with a grin and she giggled.

“I guess so.”  They started getting checked in and signing the waivers everyone had to do and she was sitting next to Eddie who was very extraverted and charismatic, he was funny and easy to talk to. They were talking about how they were both latin Americans and she was talking about her family’s business ventures in Mexico when the chime for the door rang and made them both look up. Diana felt her stomach drop when she saw Harry trailing in behind his girlfriend, hand in hand. 

“Sorry we’re cutting it so close!” He apologized as he went straight to Henry who was on the other side of the room chatting with the receptionist. His girlfriend immediately turned to look over at the bench and she smiled when she saw Eddie.

“Hi.” She said as he immediately stood and they hugged. Diana saw as he hugged a little low on her waist, but that wasn’t any of her concern as she stood.

“Hey, this is Diana. Henry’s girlfriend’s friend.” He said releasing Rebecca who then extended a hand to her with a friendly smile. 

“Hi, I’m Rebecca.” Rebecca introduced herself with a warm smile that Diana reciprocated. She felt weird shaking her hand all while knowing that she had a crush on her boyfriend. It made her stomach twist in a weird way. They could overhear Henry introducing Grace to Harry on the other side of the room, “We should join them.” Rebecca suggested to her and Eddie and they were soon coming up behind her and Harry did a double take when he saw her. He felt his mouth completely dry up and his heart start to pound hard in his chest.

“Harry, this is my  best friend, Diana.” Grace said with a big smile.

“Yeah-”

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you.” Diana interrupted whatever he was about to say and extended her hand to him while he just looked at her with a blank expression.

“Harry.” Rebecca said and he blinked a few times before he extended his hand out to hers and took it, shaking it a few times, dreading the moment when they’d let go.

“Sorry. Nice to meet you, Diana.” He said, his eyes not leaving hers until she nodded and looked away, “And this is Eddie, I presume.” Harry said as he glanced to the guy beside Diana and he smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, that’s me. It’s great to meet you.” Eddie smiled politely.

“Well, now that we’re all acquainted let’s get to it!” Henry said. Soon they were putting their belongings in a locker and were being guided into the room where the employee started giving them a few more instructions.

“So what’s your job again?” Eddie mumbled quietly to Diana and she smiled and turned to him.

“I’m a professor.” She said and he smirked.

“Nice. I’m a lawyer, so we’re both smart. I assume the couples will pair off and find clues so we can stick together and solve things too.” He said to her and she nodded.

“Yeah, sounds good.” She responded. This guy was very sweet and friendly, it was very easy to feel comfortable around him which was exactly what she needed now that it started sinking in that she was trapped in a room for an hour with Harry and his girlfriend. Soon the door shut and the time started and they all started to look around for clues.

“C’mon, let’s go look over here.” Eddie said and she followed him off to one end of the room as they started looking through a little shelf of ledgers when she noticed that the spines of a few of them were different colors than the rest, so she picked those up and brought them to the prop desk figuring that they were important and she started paging through them to see if there were any clues inside, “Nice find.” Eddie said as he came over.

“Yeah, help me look through them.” She said and he nodded. They started chitchatting as they looked for anything of significance in them.

Harry glanced back to see where Diana was and he couldn’t help the way his chest tightened with jealousy as she giggled and chatted lowly with this other guy, Eddie. First he was sending suspicious sounding texts to his girlfriend and now he was flirting with his…well, they weren’t anything. They couldn’t even be friends so he had no reason to be upset.

“Hey, H.” He heard and turned his gaze to Rebecca, “You’re still upset about the text you saw before, aren’t you?” She asked quietly as they searched around for clues.

“No.”

“Then why do you keep staring at Eddie?” She asked lowly as she felt around the picture frames along the wall for a clue.

“I’m not.” He mumbled lowly.

“You are, you’re making that jealous face. And literally for what? He’s got a girlfriend.” Rebecca said to try and appease Harry. 

“Yet he’s flirting with Grace’s friend.” He mumbled and Rebecca sighed as she checked a painting and felt it move a bit.

“This opens up, guys! Find something that might open this up!” Rebecca announced as Harry looked to the wall and inspected what looked like a teller’s stand for any buttons or switches and he felt something under the counter and glanced under it to see that it indeed was a button and he pressed it and they heard the latch open, which allowed Rebecca to open the painting like a little door and look inside and she pulled out a metal cashier box.

“There’s a lock, four digit combo!” Harry announced and Henry and Grace started looking around and soon Diana was rushing over to them, he knew it was her because that scent of cherries engulfed her in the best way.

“The ledgers over there had these numbers circled, ready?” She asked him and he glanced up to her and nodded, “2-2-6-5.” She said and Harry lined up the numbers and tugged on the lock.

“Good job.” He grinned up at her as it unlatched and she offered him a tight-lipped smile before she moved out of the way as Henry rushed over there and huddled in with Rebecca as they found another set of clues in the form of bank forms. And they continued on searching for the next 10 minutes until they were able to “disable” the fake security cameras and open the door to the second room, which was the bank vault.

Harry was not as into it as he usually was and that didn’t go unnoticed by Rebecca or Henry, as he called Harry out for being off his game today. But truly, he just couldn’t help it because he kept seeing how Eddie was charming the living daylights out of Diana and it was putting him in a bad mood and his brain was getting foggy. It looked like she was having fun though and she was actually finding a lot of useful clues to help them solve this game.

Diana was having a lot of fun with this, other than the moments where she could feel someone staring right at her (she was sure it was Harry), it was exhilarating and everyone was rushing about trying to get this resolved so that they could win the game. Eddie was keeping her distracted enough from feeling weird about being here with Harry and Rebecca. He looked so good in his causal clothes, so relaxed and domestic…she heard a snippet of conversation between Grace and Harry inquiring about how they could open the lockbox that contained some more clues and she glanced to Eddie.

“What’s the number of the lockbox?” Diana asked aloud.

“50!” Harry and Grace shouted back.

“I’ll be right back.” Diana said and hurried back to the first room they had been in. She went over to the shelved cabinet with the ledgers. There were two rows of them and she counted the first shelve and saw there were 25, so that meant there were only 50 of them. She reached for the very last one and when she opened it it had been hollowed out and she saw a little keychain labeled #50 and a small silver key attached to it, “I found it!” She shouted in excitement and Henry and Rebecca peaked into the first room as she rushed over to the vault room, “Here.” She said handing the key over to Grace.

“S’your first time, you do the honors.” Harry said to her and she smiled excitedly and opened the lockbox to reveal the final code for the door. They all cheered when Henry finished inputting it and the keypad turned green, indicating that they had done it.

“Good eye.” Eddie said to Diana who grinned.

“Thank you.” She hummed with delight and he chuckled. The game host came in to the room and congratulated them for finishing up.

“Actually, you guys have set the record for this room! You finished in 32 minutes and 40 seconds!” He said excitedly and they all cheered again, “You’re a smart bunch.” He said and they all laughed, well it was a room full of doctors and lawyer, and a university professor, and a corporate accountant, but he didn’t need to know that. They all had their picture taken and were soon collecting their belongings as they rendezvoused in the lobby area.

“Nice job, Diana! Please make yourself available on the last Friday of every month for the rest of your life, OK?” Henry said and she chuckled, “Right, H?” Henry said as he looked past her and when she turned she saw Harry behind her. Rebecca, Grace, and Eddie were in the bathroom, so it was just them three waiting in the lobby.

“Yeah, if you’re into it we’d love to have you. You’re a natural.” He smiled lightly at her. His smile didn’t go up to his eyes like it usually would, he was upset that she seemed to be flirting with Eddie as much as he had been flirting with her and she had hardly even spared him a glance the entire time they’d been at this place. He knew how crazy it was that this bothered him after he had told her that they shouldn’t engage with each other any more, but if anything solidified that his interest in her was far more than platonic this was it.

“Yeah, maybe.” She smiled.

“No offense, but Rebecca better not bring that Eddie guy around anymore, he was reaching and reading into some stuff way too much. Stressed me out.” Henry ranted lowly and Harry grinned.

“Yeah, not happening again.” Harry said and Diana just bit her lip awkwardly.

“I mean regardless, we set the record.” Y/N chimed in.

“We probably could’ve been faster if we hadn’t wasted all that time looking through that file cabinet.” Henry said.

“Told him it was just a prop.” Harry mumbled.

“We’re very competitive about these things, by the way.” Henry added with a smile.

“Really? I couldn’t tell.” Diana chuckled sarcastically.

“Look, all I’m saying is that us three carried the team tonight and I’d like to perfect our escape room team.” Henry said, “So next time, just us 5, OK? Tell your girl.” Henry said to Harry seriously. 

Soon enough they were all heading out once they agreed what bar to meet at. Grace wanted to talk to Henry about something so she asked Diana if she’d be kind enough to go with Eddie to give them a little time and she agreed and well Eddie didn’t mind at all. Eddie of course, was noticing how his little interactions with Diana were clearly making Rebecca jealous, but she had asked him to be cool and spend time with her. Diana was nice, but she looked like one of those really nice and relaxed girls, which truly weren’t his type, but he would milk this all night if possible because Rebecca needed to somehow realize that she needed to breakup with Harry.

*******

“You girls get a table and we’ll get the drinks.” Harry said.

“I can go with and grab my own.” She said to Eddie who started walking off.

“It’s OK, I’ve got you. What’s your drink?” He asked.

“Tequila, reposado though. Up.” She said over the chatter.

“Any specific brand?”

“Casamigos! I’ll get you next round, OK?” She assured and he nodded before heading off to the bar. She soon found Grace and Rebecca as they settled into a booth at the corner of the bar. There were two billiard tables near the back wall of the bar and then a stage there for karaoke or live music. There was also an upstairs section with more billiard tables and darts according to a banner above the stairs, beckoning patrons to ask for the the cues and darts at the bar.

“This place is pretty cool. Have you ever been here before?” Grace asked Rebecca as Diana scooted into the booth. 

“Yep, the last Friday of every month, like clockwork. Prepare yourself, babe.” She said unenthusiastically to Grace who chuckled, “Oh, I’m serious.” She said with a chuckle and Grace looked to Diana with widened eyes.

“So you guys literally do this once a month?” Diana asked and Rebecca nodded.

“Yeah, it’s more for Henry and Harry…they’re best friends but they’re both rather busy people so they don’t get to hang out so much anymore. Especially since Harry opened up his psychiatry practice, he’s there like all the time.” She explained, “It’s not that I don’t like to come, but we always end up here and this is not very my style, you know?” She said and Diana nodded in understanding, “Harry likes this place because he says it’s very “pubby”, guess it reminds him a bit of England.” Rebecca said and Diana smiled.

“Aww, that’s really sweet though! I’m sure he really appreciates that you guys are willing to come here if it just reminds him of home a bit. It must suck to be so far. So finding a little reminder of it must be really special for him.” She hummed happily and Rebecca just looked at her for a second before she nodded.

“Yeah, that’s…very true.” Rebecca said with a smile. She had never really thought of that. She kind of dreaded coming here and he knew that, she hadn’t shied away from telling him that the third time they had come here. But here was this girl, Diana, a perfect stranger, who saw the value and meaning that this place had for him and she hadn’t even considered that once in the time that they had been together. She just knew that it was rowdy and crowded and that was enough to have her hate it here and she wouldn’t pretend to enjoy it, even for his sake. She couldn’t keep lying to herself or continue to convince herself that this relationship was going to work - the only thing she and Harry seemed to have in common was that they were both workaholics.

“Here you are, my lovely.” Henry spoke up as he slid Grace’s margarita before her carefully and she smiled up at him and thanked him before grabbing his drink and letting him scoot in beside her. Rebecca was seated right in the “u” of the booth so Diana slid out when she saw Harry approaching.

“Go ahead.” She assured him and he nodded before sliding in and then placing down the glasses in his hands. Diana then realized that he’d be sandwiched between Rebecca and her and she felt odd about sitting beside him, but didn’t want to make much of a fuss about it so she slid in. Henry started talking about how Diana would be a fun addition to their escape room tradition as she seemed to have a real knack for problem solving. Obviously, Grace loved the idea of having her be more integrated into this new group. They were all chatting about how fun it had been when Eddie came up and slid into the seat beside her, prompting Diana to slide in a bit closer to Harry. She felt their thighs touch and turned to him quickly.

“I’m so sorry.” She said and pressed her own legs closer together to avoid touching his. He wanted to tell her it was OK, he hated that she seemed so on edge around him now. But all Diana needed to do was create distance between them because being around him made her not think as clearly and that wasn’t good for anyone.

“What’d you get?” Henry asked Diana after she took a sip of her drink. She was about to respond when Grace chimed in.

“A reposado, up.” Grace spoke with a grin directed at Diana.

  “Exactly what she said.” Diana confirmed with a smile.

“Oh, that’s your order too!” Henry said to Harry who then glanced to Diana and they looked at each other’s glasses and saw that they indeed had the same exact drink.

“Yep.” He smiled at her, “Well, cheers.” Harry said to Diana, bowing his glass towards her and she nodded.

“Cheers.” She responded clinking it with his before they both took another sip. Eddie seemed to be the odd man out, so Grace, being the nice girl she is, started asking him some questions.

“So are you dating anyone or anything like that?” She inquired, kind of curious because he and Diana seemed to be getting along really well and maybe they could hang out one-on-one.

“Oh no, I’ve been so busy at the firm that I haven’t really had free time that wasn’t used to catch up on sleep.” He chuckled and Harry glanced to Rebecca who quickly looked away as she was caught in her lie from earlier. Grace then started asking about when he moved here and where he used to live. He was scooting a bit closer to Diana now as he talked across the table to answer Grace’s questions. This prompted him to start pushing up against Diana, who was slowly, but surely inching closer and closer to Harry. Harry who was nodding along but couldn’t be more tuned out of the conversation as the overhead fans seems to be wafting Diana’s cherry perfume straight into his face. His hands were on his knees and he was gripping them tight as he tried to just relieve some of the tension he felt in his body. When suddenly Eddie made a move to lean a bit closer and it pushed Diana’s thigh into Harry’s once more and she looked up at him.

“I’m sorry.” She said softly as everyone else laughed at something Eddie had said and before she could try and make herself a bit smaller to avoid being pressed up against Harry his hand came over her mid thigh from under the table, silently asking her not to move it away.

“It’s alright, we’re crammed in here.” He said to her lowly as her heart started to pound hard in her chest and her stomach started to turnover with nerves and excitement at just how big his hand felt over her thigh. He then pulled it away and settled it back over his own leg where he was now squeezing for dear life because he wanted to touch her again. But at least Diana’s thigh was pressed up against his now and that would have to be enough for now. Diana’s drink didn’t even last her for 15 minutes after her and Harry had been pressed together. Maybe it was non-existent to anyone else at the table, but to her, the tension she felt with him was unbearable. After he grabbed her thigh she was now left wondering if he felt it too, but whatever it was, she needed to loosen up a bit to handle it.

“Are you up for another round?” Diana asked Eddie who looked up from his phone as his drink was nearly done.

“I’m actually good, might be heading home soon.” He said to her and she nodded, “Anyone else?” She asked, Henry and Grace shook their heads, and when Rebecca looked up from her phone she also shook her head as well and then she looked to Harry.

“Yeah, but I’ll go with you. I opened a tab.” He fibbed, no one knew that he hadn’t, but he just wanted a moment with her. Eddie moved to let Diana and Harry out, “If anyone changes their mind, text me.” Harry said and when he turned around he saw that Diana had already headed off towards the bar. She found an opening at the counter and slid in, she needed space from Harry to just think clearly for a second, but she soon felt someone come up close behind her and she knew it was him. “Didn’t even wait for me.” He mumbled to her and she glanced back at him.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you had lagged.” She said and then turned her attention back to the bar, waiting for one of the bartenders to free up for an order.

“Hey, why are you being all weird with me?” He asked and she swallowed the lump in her throat before speaking.

“You said we would only do friendly waves.” She said and he licked over his lips before asking his next question.

“Did that upset you? Are you mad at me?” He pressed and she slightly turned to him.

“No Harry, I’m just trying to respect what you asked of me.” She assured him.

“Well it might get a little more complicated now that our best friends are dating.” He said and she shook her head.

“It doesn’t have to be, Harry. Clearly our interactions before made you feel uncomfortable or uncertain to some degree so I’m literally just doing what you asked and it’s very doable for me.” She assured.

“Well Henry really liked you too, I’m sure he’s gonna be telling Grace to invite you out more often so…” He explained with a smile.

“Well, then I’ll just tell Grace that you’re Celeste’s therapist and that I also don’t love the idea of being the 5th wheel all the time. She’ll understand.” Diana assured and Harry just rolled his lips together and nodded. Diana needed to just be objective and maybe that came off as callous, but he was the one who asked for this and just because he had changed his mind because they had all had a good time together it didn’t mean that it was a good idea. She couldn’t let her resolve fade. She wouldn’t.

“Well, might as well enjoy this while it lasts.” He sighed and she glanced back at him again.

“What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said! Ask me anything, go.” He said with a smile and she giggled softly.

“For what?”

“For fun. If we’re gonna be all dry and formal from here on out I at least want to have one really great conversation with you before.” He reasoned and she sighed.

“Well you can’t put me on the spot like that! If everything changes after today then I need to ask something really good.” She said and he chuckled, “I need time!” She exclaimed, all frazzled now, and he chuckled as a bar tender freed up and approached the counter and Harry stepped up closer behind her, his hands were on each side of her, boxing her in between his body and the counter.

“Hey man, two Casamigos reposados, up. Please.” Harry said loudly over the chatter at the bar.

“You got it! I’ve got just one more order before yours.” The man said and Harry nodded with a smile. Diana tried to turn to him to protest him getting her drink.

“Don’t even try to say anything about it, Diana.” Harry spoke first and she sighed. Suddenly someone pushed into him hard from behind and he instinctively gripped the counter with one hand while his other arm wrapped around her waist to steady himself and avoid the fall as his body bumped into hers harshly, “Jesus.” He mumbled in aggravation, glancing back to hear a mumbled apology over some laughter and he sighed before leaning down closer to her ear, “M’sorry. You alright?” He asked and she nodded.

“Good. And you?” Diana questioned as she shifted a bit and craned her neck to look up at him as best as she could and he nodded, his eyes not leaving hers. She watched as his gaze slowly started to travel down the bridge of her nose and before she could witness his eyes look over her lips she spoke up, “What about you? Do you have a question for me? Any question.” She asked with a smile and he grinned.

“Hmmm…” he hummed pensively, he still hadn’t let her go, but it was because more people were crowding in behind them and he didn’t want her to get all squished against the counter. Sure, he was liking holding her, but it wasn’t just for his enjoyment. He smirked as he thought of a question, “Do you find me attractive?” He asked near her ear since it was quite loud around them and she glanced up to him and rolled her eyes with a smirk and pink cheeks as he grinned, “What?” He asked through a laugh.

“Skip. Next question.” Diana said looking away from his eyes bashfully for a second before looking back, he made her so nervous. A kind of nervous that she hadn’t felt in ages and she was just re-learning how to cope with it.

“Fine.” He mumbled and she giggled. He rolled his eyes up to the ceiling and bit on his bottom lip as he pretended that his next question was really difficult to come up with. He really just wanted to know one thing, “Do you date?” He asked and she giggled.

“That’s none of your business.” Diana responded with a smirk and he scoffed.

“You said any question.” He chuckled.

“And I answered you! Whether you like the answer or not isn’t really my problem, is it?” She challenged him with a smirk.

“You said 2 resposados, up, right?” The bartender suddenly made an appearance.

“Yeah, mate. Thanks!” Harry called back with a smile and the man turned back to the liquor shelves and Harry returned his attention back to Diana with a small scowl on his face, “You don’t play fair.” He said and she shrugged, completely unbothered by this. “What if I wanted to like introduce you to someone? Like if I had a friend and I thought they’d be good for you.” He inquired and she giggled.

“Why? Do you have someone in mind?” she asked and he grinned.

“So you’re single.” He asked with amusement.

“I never said that.” She said and he shrugged.

“You didn’t have to.” He assured smugly and she looked back into his eyes.

“Is this friend you have in mind, Eddie?” She asked.

“Why, do you like him?” He asked back and she shook her head.

“He’s not really-”

“He’s quite annoying, isn’t he?” Harry interrupted with a scrunched up face and she giggled.

“He’s not that bad. He is far too extraverted for me though, it’s a bit intense.” She explained and he chuckled. 

“Yeah…” Harry agreed with a small laugh, “Have you thought of your question for me?” He asked closer to her ear and she shook her head.

“Not yet.” She said and he hummed.

“Well I give you ’til the end of the night.” He decided.

“OK, I’ll work on narrowing them down.” She assured with a giggle.

“Narrowing them down?” Harry asked and she nodded.

“I’m an inquisitive person.” She shrugged and he smiled.

“Alright, how about this, I technically asked you two questions, even if your answers were shit…” he added in the playful jab and she laughed, “So you can ask me two.”

“Alright.” She agreed and he smiled as he let go of her. She already missed his arm around her.

“Good.” Harry said as he reached into his back pocket for his wallet as he saw the bartender approaching.

“Here you are.” The bartender said as he placed their drinks before them, “Do you have a tab open?” He asked.

“No, here you are.” Harry said handing over his card and Diana turned to him with narrowed eyes.

“You little liar.” She said and he chuckled.

“Oh please, I’m sure you always drink for free.” He said with a smile and she scoffed.

“Oh, I wish!” She responded and he chuckled, “I feel like I have to pay because I don’t want to give anyone any ideas.” She said and Harry hummed.

“Yeah, that’s shitty.”

“Being a woman is shitty sometimes.” She shrugged.

“Yeah, no arguments there.” Harry stated and then he smiled at her.

“What?” She asked and he shrugged.

“Nothing, you’re more open than I expected.” He said and she hummed.

“I mean, I am quite shy and guarded, but only if I’m not comfortable.”

“Oh, ok.” He said and she nodded.

“Here you go, just sign please.” The bartender said and Harry’s arm came around Diana and Diana brought her left hand up to hold the paper down in place for him to sign.

“Thank you.” He hummed as he signed and then handed it back thanking the man before they carefully squeezed through the rest of the people crowded around the bar. When they got back to the booth Rebecca and Eddie were gone.

“Eddie left and Rebecca went to walk him out.” Grace said, “I thought he would at least ask for your number, Di. You guys were hitting it off, no.” She said with confusion.

“He was too much for her.” Harry said and Henry and Grace turned to him and he shrugged, “S’what she said. I already asked. Way ahead of you guys.” Harry informed before knocking back some of his drink and then Grace and Henry looked back to her.

“Yeah, he was a bit much for me.” She agreed.

“Well, it was nice to see you put yourself out there.” Grace said instead and Diana smiled before also taking a sip of her drink.

“Should we have a game of pool? 2 on 2, that one’s empty.” Harry said and Henry nodded.

“Oh my god, I suck.” Grace said and Henry chuckled and pulled her close as he kissed her temple.

“Don’t worry, baby. I’ll teach you.” He said and she smiled at him. The interaction just made Diana smile because she truly hadn’t seen Grace so sweet on someone in ages. Harry couldn’t help it as he watched Diana take in this loving exchange between Henry and Grace, she looked endeared and so happy for Grace. There wasn’t a trace of jealousy, nor longing in her eyes. She just seemed happy for her friend.

“OK. Well I’m gonna go to the bathroom first. Go get the table!” She called and hurried off as Henry stood and Harry and Diana followed, grabbing Grace’s drink as well.

“Can you hold this? I’ll go get the cues and for obvious reasons, Grace is on my team.” Henry said, handing Harry his drink, once again leaving Harry and Diana alone. She walked past him to the high table behind the billiard table that had freed up and then she hoisted herself up onto the chair as Harry hung out a few feet away, reserving the billiard table.

“What’re you doing up there? You don’t want to play?”

“You said 2 on 2, I’m sure Rebecca will be back in a minute.” She said.

“She doesn’t like to play, she’s not good at it and she gets too competitive and then gets upset.” He chuckled and Diana nodded.

“Well, if she won’t mind.” She said hopping off of the chair and Harry shook his head in assurance that she wouldn’t.

“Do you suck at it too?” He asked with a chuckle.

“No, I’m alright. My brother and dad played a lot.” She explained as she rounded the table and started rolling the balls towards Harry who was arranging them in the rack.

“OK, well I’m quite competitive too so you better not make me lose.” He teased and she giggled.

“I assure you with Grace on his team Henry will lose. She’s not lying when she says she sucks at this.” Diana informed him and Harry laughed, “I’ve thought of a question.” She said and he perked up.

“Alright, lets have it.” He said as he looked up to her across the table.

“When’s your birthday?” She asked and he smiled.

“February 1st, it just passed recently.” He said and she nodded.

“Aquarius…cool, a fellow air sign.” She said as she rolled another ball over to him and he chuckled.

“Do you believe in all that stuff?” He asked and she glanced up at him and shrugged.

“Kinda, I mean it’s fun. It’s also cool because it resonates with most people.”

“Yeah, that’s true…I decided to read my horoscope every day for one month and everything that it said would happen actually happened.” He said and her eyes widened.

“Oh, no way!”

“Yeah, I was so impressed that I very nearly started to create a group therapy theory based on astrological signs.” He said and she laughed.

“Really?!” She asked and he nodded, “That’s fucking cool.” She said and he chuckled.

“When I realized that if I went through with it science as a whole would mock me, I decided not to pursue it.” He explained, “I was stoned, by the way when I had that idea.” He tagged in and she laughed.

“Well I suppose it’s easy to reach for the sky when you feel like you’re closer to it.” She mused and he chuckled.

“That’s a good one.” He said and she shrugged with a smile, “Next question.”

“I haven’t decided on that one.” She said and he sighed and she rolled her eyes.

**********

Grace had unfortunately started her period as she suspected. The cramps she felt coming on were uncomfortable and she wanted to be OK for the rest of the evening, specially when Diana was getting along so well with everyone. After the bathroom she rushed out of the bar to go over to Henry’s car, he always had some Tylenol in there and she needed some now. As she rounded the corner of the bar to get to the parking lot in the back she stopped in her tracks when she saw Eddie and Rebecca leaned against his car kissing rabidly. Her stomach dropped and she just turned around quickly and rushed back inside feeling quite discombobulated and really, really sorry for Harry.

Cheaters were the reason why she refused to date or wanted to get married, after her father cheated on her mother after 17 years of marriage she just couldn’t believe that anyone was capable of being faithful. It wrecked her hope in love and she really took it to heart. As she looked around she saw Harry just chatting animatedly with Henry and Diana, oblivious to the wrong he was being done. She just had to tell Henry, it might be best for the news to come to Harry from him, his best friend. As she walked up to them Henry frowned.

“Are you OK? You look pale.” He said coming over and feeling her forehead and she looked into his eyes as he looked at hers in concern.

“Yeah, I started my period and I don’t feel too good.”

“Should we go?” He asked and she nodded.

“Guys, I’m sorry I just suddenly felt really sick.” Grace explained to Diana and Harry, but not even chancing a look at Harry because she might shout out to him what she’d just seen if she got a look into his eyes,

“Hey, it’s alright. Next time.” Harry said and then pulled his phone out to text Rebecca, with Diana around he had completely forgotten that she had been off somewhere. They had said that she had walked Eddie out and as that piece of information came to the forefront of his mind he immediately had the same gut feeling that he had when he saw him text her, he wasn’t hurt by it at all. It was more of an irritation at her lack of communication, if she didn’t want to be with him then she should say so. Harry hadn’t decided if he wanted to end things with her, sure he had a crush on Diana, but that was never going to happen and he wasn’t going to end his relationship over it. But if she no longer had an interest to be with him, then she should be honest about it.

Everyone started to collect their things before they got going. Henry and Grace went on ahead and Diana hung back a bit, waiting for Harry as he handed off the pool cues to another group who had been wanting to play. Soon enough he came towards her and she smiled at him as they started walking towards the entrance.

“Did you come up with your last question?” Harry asked, sparing Diana a glance.

“I think so…” she pondered, “D-do you really just want to stick with a polite wave from here on out?” She asked him and he shook his head.

“Course not, but it can’t be like this either.” He explained, “I feel like…” he paused and swallowed thickly, choosing his words carefully, “I feel like if we entertain a friendship now it might not…be enough at some point.” He said just as they made it outside and she looked up at him as her mouth suddenly went dry and her heart was beating a million times a minute. She was just about to ask him what he meant by that.

“Hey, are we leaving?” Rebecca suddenly appeared by the entrance, causing the four of them to look to her.

“Yeah, Grace isn’t feeling well.” Henry informed.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I got caught up because my mom called me, some legal questions she had for one of her church members.” She fibbed and Grace felt even more sick as she heard this. She needed to tell Henry sooner rather than later.

“Right, well there’ll be a next time I’m sure.” Henry smiled and with that they all started saying their goodbyes and heading off in their own directions, Diana was trailing after Henry and Grace, they had parked behind the bar, while Rebecca and Harry had parked across the street and just before she rounded the corner she glanced back and her heart flipped in her chest when she saw Harry was already looking at her. She smiled at him and he returned the gesture before she hurried around the corner to catch up with Grace and Henry.

The ride home was really quiet, Henry’s music was the only sound accompanying them now. Diana took the time to message Celeste and see how her night with Geri was going and she looked through some instagram posts before looking out the window until they were coming to a slow stop in front of her house.

“Thank you guys, I had a lot of fun and it was great to meet you Henry. Everyone was really cool.” Diana smiled warmly as he turned back a bit.

“Thank you for coming, and we were definitely serious about having you join us for the escape rooms. We could use you!” Henry chuckled.

“Alright, I’ll think about it.” Diana grinned and Henry smiled, “Bye Gracie, feel better.” Diana hummed sweetly before hugging her around the chair and Grace rubbed over her arms as she smiled.

“Thank you, Di. I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.”

“Thank you for inviting me. Alrighty you two, drive safe! Have a good night!” She called before getting out of the car. Henry stayed in park until he saw that Diana was safely inside and then he turned towards Grace who was still acting very strange.

“Did I do something, Grace?” Henry asked her with concern and she turned to him and shook her head.

“No, it’s not you I just…I have to tell you something.” She said and Henry started to feel his body tense up and his stomach twist up with anxiety.

“Ummm, OK. What is it?” He asked quietly and she sighed.

“I-I saw Rebecca and Eddie making out outside of the bar.”

“What?” Henry asked turning to her quickly and she nodded.

“I was going out to the car because I know you keep pain meds in here and when I came around I saw them leaning against his car fucking sucking face!” She exhaled and Henry turned back to face forward in his seat completely speechless, “I had no idea what to do so I went back inside and when I saw Harry living life all oblivious and shit I just felt so sick to my stomach.” She explained and Henry sighed feeling complete shock before speaking quietly with a frown.

“Holy shit…how am I gonna tell him.” 

-------

This is who I cast as Eddie Zamora, Rebecca's sneaky link

And this Professor Gabriel Klein, the guy who asked Diana on a date

Tell me what you guys think of this part or if you want to be added to my tag list!

@matildasatellite @sad-avocado @gurugirl @sunflovverharry @cherrysulewski @jessitpwk @sunshinemoonsposts @angelbabyyy99 @daphnesutton @here4thefanfics @justlemmeadoreyou @reveriehs

Thanks for reading 🫶

[toastling]

I just love disability pay.

For those who don't know, I recently underwent surgery, and have been out of work since January in the lead-up to said surgery dealing with multiple infections and abscesses and healing in preparation. When I got put on temporary disability, I was told I'm good through June 31st and can call if I ever needed an extension. But on Friday near the end of the business, day I get an e-mail saying actually I'm only good until the 16th, and also, if I need an extension, I have until the 11th to call them and let them know to get the paperwork e-mailed. I figure "Okay, that's fine, they've been operational 7 days a week for any questions or corrections these last 6 months", except, for extensions specifically, they only operate on week days. Now mind you they only told me any of this in a single e-mail at the last possible second at the end of a Friday, so, there was no chance I could call them and get the paperwork sent over to have my doctor fill out over the weekend. The 11th is Tuesday. Since they won't handle this particular thing on weekends, I have Monday and Monday alone to call up, get the paperwork, send that paperwork to my doctor, and then send it back to them for approval. There is almost No chance that the last two steps are going to be completed in the span of Monday alone, especially since the surgeon in charge of my case is only in the office near me on Tuesdays, and only before noon, which means I'm going to have to try and get said paperwork to him to be filled out on a day he isn't even in town and insist it's rushed as fast as possible or I'll miss the deadline I didn't know I had until yesterday. It's like, incredibly obvious it's set up this way intentionally because America really doesn't want you to stay alive if you're disabled, even only temporarily, but Jesus Christ dude.

What's more, I've been making an entire third less what I should have been this entire 6 month period, forced to get by on $100 a week, because the way they calculate disability in my state is based on my prior 4 weeks of work before going on medical leave.

But as it happens, since I was chronically ill and was getting sicker than ever more often than before, I'd just missed an entire month of work just before the infection and abscess that took me out pre-surgery these past 6 months.

I'd only been back to work for 3 weeks by the time I was forced to go on leave again, and because I'd been out for so long before that and my schedule is created 3 weeks in advance, my manager had to finagle things a lot to squeeze me onto the schedule at all for those 3 weeks, so I was working WAY fewer hours than I normally did, meaning I was making less money than I normally would. And because I didn't reach that 4 week benchmark, that is what my disability pay was calculated off of, not what I actually, normally make in a week.

I've kind of just Let That Go this entire time because I live with my family still, so thankfully I've been able to get by on 100 a week by focusing solely on the most essential stuff, namely my personal groceries, and my family has been carrying me with any other expenses along the way, including medical ones (my surgery and bowel infections have been covered by my insurance 100%, but my dental emergencies which have also been going on continuously since January have not), but man, the combination of all this is just. Incredibly frustrating.

It should not be this difficult to have surgery and not, under ordinary circumstances, end up on the street during recovery because I can't work for X amount of months, but, you know, greatest country on Earth and all that. God bless the American healthcare and social safety net systems.

As an aside though, for anybody with more experience being on temporary disability pay than me - do you think it would be possible for me to appeal and get the money I *should* have been making this entire time this late into my claim? Because with the dental bills in particular, it would be nice if I could get the last 24 weeks of that missing third of my rightful pay to get back in the black with my dentist.

I was told it's NY state regulations, the whole prior 4 weeks of work calculation thing, but I do have extenuating circumstances there that impacted my paycheck. But like, would that even matter to these people?

[dreamlandforever]

The Devil You Know

(Sterek | Teen and Up | 13k)

AO3 link

I wrote my first Sterek for the "'What‘s a Stiles?" Sterek April event, based on the Prompt "Unhinged Stiles" and "Derek gets kidnapped", I hope you like it!

Summary:

“When was the last time you spoke to Derek?”

He was not expecting that question.

When was the last time he spoke to Derek? They spoke every day. They have spoken every day for six years. Sometimes Stiles calls, sometimes Derek does. But it happens daily, even if it is only for a few minutes.

But the thing is, Stiles doesn’t know what day it is. This case has been the entirety of his focus lately.

“What day is today?”

She doesn’t hesitate, too used to Stiles being…Stiles. “Tuesday”.

Fuck. Stiles missed work.

Wait. If it was Tuesday…

“Lydia.” He speaks as calmly and clearly as he is able to, which is not much. “Where. Is. Derek?.”

1

Tuesday.

There are a lot of things that Stiles prides himself in. Granted, most of them are illegal and kind of frown upon by the FBI, but he still knew how to get the job done. Research is one of them, and, fortunately for him, is also a skill very much appreciated by the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Especially because they didn’t know what Stiles’ preferred methods were, exactly.

The red yarn strewn all over his shoe-box apartment seems to belong to another lifetime. The only thing keeping him kind of in the present is the whiteboard he got for cheap on eBay, which also happens to double as the divider between his kitchenette and living room. FBI Stiles did not have to cover his walls in tacks, no, sir. FBI Stiles had a slightly better set up. Also, his landlord is not very fond of holes in the wall. Stiles may or may not have a little issue trying to hang a picture a few weeks after he moved in.

If he took a deep breath, he could really see himself transported back to his room in Beacon Hills. The coffee he was brewing was the same brand he had always used, the feel of the yarn was all too familiar to his hands, the pain on his lower back and the headache caused by sleep deprivation felt just like home. He wasn’t sure when was the last time he slept, but he knew he wouldn’t like the answer. From the state of the table and the marks on his cheek, he had fallen asleep at some point, so good for him. He let himself be transported back to his room, when he himself was a kid, and had to fight the Big Bad of the week, and not an FBI man who had to stop a fucking human from killing children, on top of thinking of the next Big Bad.

Which is why, it took a while for Stiles to realize that the buzzing wasn’t in his head, and he wasn’t just hallucinating it. He looked around his kitchen table, slowly blinking himself into reality. He can’t even tell how long he has been working, but it has been long enough for his blinking to actually hurt, and the pounding of his head has become more constant. With a sigh he finally finds his phone under a bunch of folders he isn’t sure he was even allowed to bring home.

Without even looking at the caller, he answers as fast as he can before the call can go to voicemail. “Hey, Der. I was just about to have dinner, don’t worry. Did you manage to fix that leaking sink? I cannot sleep with that thing, dude, and I am less than a week away from visiting.” He crosses his fingers, hoping he did not miss calls before. Derek does not enjoy when Stiles doesn’t answer his phone.

He is met with only silence. He flinches slightly.

“Breakfast? Was I about to have breakfast?” So maybe he did miss a few calls. And a lot more hours than he originally thought.

“Stiles, I am not Derek.” Lydia’s voice. She is calm and collected. And Lydia is one of Stiles’ comfort people, as well as one of his other regular calls, so he knows that voice.

“What happened?” He never quite mastered Lydia’s ability to remain in control. His voice sounded panicked even to his own ears. He stands up, no longer able to remain on the call while sitting down. His apartment is much too small to really walk away his nerves, but walking in circles will have to do. Was Derek in trouble?

“When was the last time you spoke to Derek?”

He was not expecting that question.

When was the last time he spoke to Derek? They spoke every day. They have spoken every day for six years. Sometimes Stiles calls, sometimes Derek does. But it happens daily, even if it is only for a few minutes.

But the thing is, Stiles doesn’t know what day it is. This case has been the entirety of his focus lately.

“What day is today?”

She doesn’t hesitate, too used to Stiles being…Stiles. “Tuesday”.

Fuck. Stiles missed work.

Wait. If it was Tuesday…

“Lydia.” He speaks as calmly and clearly as he is able to, which is not much. “Where. Is. Derek?.”

“When was the last time you spoke to him?” She asked again, the stress finally showing on her voice.

“Saturday.” His voice came out so soft he wasn’t sure she had even heard him.

He hadn’t spoken to Derek in almost three days. They speak daily. He knows what she is going to say before the words leave her mouth.

“Stiles, Derek is missing.”

The words still feel like lead at the bottom of his stomach. The headache is rapidly turning into a migraine, and it is becoming harder for him to focus.

Derek. His Derek. Gone.

“Since when?” He knows his voice is shaky, but he can’t stop it.

Gone. Gone. Gone. Gone.

There is a pause on the other side of the line, but Stiles doesn’t even notice. His head is going a mile a minute, and he cannot focus enough to comprehend simple facts, such as the passage of time. His entire body seems to have gone into panic mode, in a way it hasn’t for years. He is a man now, he is control of himself.

All bets are off the window when whatever is happening involves Derek, apparently.

“Sunday.”

He could hear ringing in his ears. He wasn’t sure if it was his mind dissociating or if his heart was beating so hard it was deafening. Either way, he didn’t have time for that, so he ignored it.

He knows today is Tuesday.

Derek went missing on Sunday.

And Stiles didn’t notice.

“Why hasn’t anyone called?” But as soon as the questions leaves his mouth, he knows the answer. Suddenly, he needs to hear it. He needs confirmation. Anger is so much easier to control than panic. Stiles wants to be angry. He wants to break something, he wants to take a swing of someone. And he knows just who.

“He said he would handle it. He benched all of us. And Derek usually keeps to himself, but Stiles it has been two days. He isn’t telling us anything.”

Stiles sees red.

[lahooozaherr]

Life Update + Where I’m at with updating fic

Welp. I’ve been through a lot this past week, to say the least.

Last Tuesday my husband and I traveled down to FL to meet up with my family for our vacation. Part of it was spent at the Disney parks. Which was super fun!

Although, things happened that I’ll elaborate under the cut and leave a CW in the tags. (Also face reveal)

Unfortunately, on Thursday, we had found out our sweet Odie (one of my cats) had passed away. We are heartbroken and were very much devastated at the time. He was battling an infection the past month. We left him in the care of my sister in law, who discovered him that morning. Odie had FIV, which makes a cat’s immune system very fragile. His little body did not survive the infection. We were rest assured by our vet that we had done everything we could have and were supposed to. It was very hard coming home to one less fur baby yesterday. We’re very grateful that my sister and mother in law were here to help care for and preserve him. Part of me feels like he chose to wait for us until we were with my family so they’d be with me. Either way, it hurts. We miss him so much. But we’re happy he passed peacefully at home in his favorite bed with our other cat, Jeej, watching over nearby.

I was happy I got to spend time with my family though. We had tons of fun! I’ve had an interesting situation dealt to me in life. Both of my parents are passed, as well as my maternal grandmother that raised me, who I was very close with. When I was 16 I was taken in by my paternal aunt. She has her husband and three boys, who I call my brothers. I’ve never gotten to go on a family vacation so this was a real treat for me. Experiencing Disney with them was everything I could want and more. My husband and I were like kids on Christmas, especially at Galaxy’s Edge.

I sadly didn’t get to meet Din 🥲 it rained that day and they had to put him away. My husband tried to keep an eye out on the app but it didn’t happen. But it’s ok! I’m sure there will be other opportunities in the future. I had fun regardless. And plenty of merch.

I loved being with my family and all of the fun things we did. It was a very good trip and I’m grateful.

As far as fics go, I’m going to get onto editing my Joel fic and I’ll have that first chapter (or two?) out soon. Life has been a lot and I’d hoped to start my next chapter of IWAFY but my brain has denied me. I hope after some time settling back at home and into my routine I’ll be able to get those creative juices flowing.

In the meantime I’m excited to sit down and read everything I’ve saved. I’ll be around!

[polyamorouspunk]

Hello friend you invited the chaos

So so so. Recap: friends for years, he dumped his toxic ex, started therapy, we start actually talking.

OKAY. So we were officially dating like *last week*. Monday I was over his house and things were good. Tuesday night/Wednesday morning I legit thought he died cause he wasn’t answering his phone (he did not die he just broke his phone, but the worry was there cause I know he deals with depression).

But while thinking he was possibly dead, I had a job interview at the really cool lab and Im gonna be calibrating gas detectors and doing titrations every monday!! (Spoiler I got the job).

And then I had a second one later in the day after he got his new phone but this one was in some sketchy basement lab with two other employees that are both grown men and Im honestly surprised I didnt die down there.

And then thursday I went to my first therapy session to help deal with anxiety and some other shit right. (It will be so fun showing up after my intake appointment with an entirely new set of issues). Oh also this entire week is happening while my autoimmune disorder is flaring too. Thats also a thing. But also. At this point, things are still fine with the guy. Like he was talking about introducing me to his friends and shit.

BUT OKAY THEN FRIDAY HAPPENS. AND THIS IS THE DAY THAT ALL THINGS WENT TO HELL. *He* invited me over his house during the day while most of his family was gone. And I went cause I was off work and also like. At that point why wouldnt I? But uuuhhhhh while I was there, some *things* happened that *he* initiated (fully consensual) but also that boy was fucking *rough* and I have bruises all over where he was grabbing and I’m sure more I cant see. But like. Genuinely kinda a fun time.

Until. Out of no where he like kinda rushed me out of his house. And I was very confused and concerned about that, because obviously I just put a hell of a lot of trust into someone I had considered a good friend. And so after I got home I asked him if I did something wrong, AND GOES ‘We’ve been very close friends for 5 years so dating just feels not right.’ Which like. Was a whiplash moment for me. So I responded with ‘So. You just want to be friends is what youre telling me?’. AND THIS ASSHOLE GOES ‘Yeah, for now at least’.

BOY THERE IS NO FOR NOW AT LEAST. YOU JUST BASICALLY USED ME AND TOSSED ME TO THE SIDE. LIKE. NO??????

So yeah after that I was sad for a little bit but then ya know I started to be able to see the bruises and I just got so fucking pissed off from that, that I was no longer sad. The sad is gone. I was instead petty and went to the county fair with Mountain Boy and told him what was up and yeah. Thats what that insta post was about lol. I was just being petty because I could be.

OH BUT ALSO. I have to see him in early september for a chemistry meeting and I have every intention of looking hot as fuck when I show up just because I can and I refuse to let a boy get in my head about my own self confidence.

And really in the end he was evidently lacking in both braincells and inches, so it was no real loss on my part lmao

Anyways thats been my week, how are youuu??????

Daaaamn he really strung you along huh well man I feel that about people doing a complete 180 on you and showing their true colors out of literally nowhere. I’m sorry it all went down like that, yikes. Yeah, no, I don’t think I would want to be “friends” with someone like that either. Fuck that guy frrrr. Especially right after that.

Damn what a shitty week but I so hope a new job is exactly the kind of reset you need to take your mind off things.

My week has been alright. I’m feeling really burnt out and emotionally exhausted but I’m healing from the bullshit that I went through. I start school tomorrow which I’m not exactly looking forward to but not dreading either but next week I’m going on vacation (also to Myrtle Beach, finally) since I have 3 days in a row off and my birthday is coming up.

[living-d3ad-gh0ul]

Tuesday 18th April 2023, 8:01am

I am so sorry that it's taken me a little bit longer than I'd have liked to write this post. I've been really busy and a lot of things have changed again. I'm starting a new job (because I hate my manager of my current job, I've never felt so devalued and demoralised as an employee) on 15th May so I've been trying to finish up at my current job so I can move on when it's time to. I've taken a couple weeks off between jobs, so I have a little time to chill out and relax.

I read your last post. I've read it nearly every day and tried to figure out what to say. That's another reason it's late, because I feel bad that I was mad at you for not saying anything in a few months. Because you've been dealing with so much. I know I didn't know that until you said something but.. I still can't help but feel a little bad :( you were dealing with all of that and I am so so fucking sorry you have been. And I totally get why you maybe didn't post, I just... I missed you a lot and I didn't like not hearing anything from you for so long. But I'm glad that I have, I really am and I thank you so so much for writing to me again. I really did miss your little posts.

I am so so sorry that you've been in pain with your arm and your health hasn't been great. It made me really sad to hear that it's now affected your mental health, but I am honestly not that all surprised considering that physical and mental health go hand in hand. It just really sucks that you are having to go through all of that and honestly? I wish I could help. I wish there was some way of me being able to at least take away some of those bad feelings or discomfort. Even if only a little bit or for a second. I am also sorry that you did not have a good Christmas or New Year's and that you have had falling outs with friends and family. I really hope they are resolved or on the way to being resolved soon. And if they aren't? Then that is their loss because you are amazing and wonderful and should be cherished and looked after, especially right now when you're going through it with your health.

I am so sorry that you have been really struggling mentally. Please don't say you have failed because you haven't, you are not a failure. Nor are you a burden in any way, shape or form. You are going through a tough time, so it's only natural the way you are feeling, especially when those around you aren't been of much help or telling you conflicting information too. Your description of what it's like and how it happens (The Vampire Diaries thing, don't worry, it wasn't cringe at all, I love TVD too, always have done so I completely understood what you meant when you said 'turn it off' like Stefan). But... I just have to say, I really hope you don't 'turn it off'. I know that it's difficult and that it can be really hard to process emotions but.. that's what we have to do, as humans. We have to feel our emotions and let them out and process them in order to get over them, because if we hold on to them it's just going to make things worse and then they bottle up and it can make things much bigger. Like you said a lot of it really is distorted thinking and it really is easier said than done, I know my darling, I really do. I just... I want to help and I wish I could. I wish I could say the right thing and not say the wrong thing and that's also kind of why it's taken me so long to write back again too. I am so terrified of saying the wrong thing and upsetting you further or what I'm saying to be taken in the wrong way because that is the last thing I want. I just want you to be happy, healthy, looked after, cared for. And I kinda really wish I could be doing that for you and helping you feel that way.

Please don't see moving back home with your parents as a bad thing. It's absolutely not. Like you said yourself, it's definitely a reset. It is NOT meaning you have gone backwards or anything like that at all. You are going through a lot and you need that extra little bit of support/help right now and moving back with them is definitely a good idea to help in moving forward. Again, it's not a step back, it's a reset, it means you can re-evaluate things and figure out the best way forward that works for you. I really think that it'll be a good thing for you rather than a bad thing. I understand what you're saying about not feeling like you've lived for yourself, this is an opportunity for you to really *do* that and start to figure out what *you* want from life. Do things for yourself rather than to please others. It's not selfish at all, I promise you that, it really really isn't. It's your life, so you should be able to live it how you like and do what makes you happy.

Idk, I feel like I'm either not making much sense right now or being much help. I just... I feel terrible that you are in this situation and you're not being made to feel like the people around you care very much and are giving you conflicting information or opinions. I know that you can't help that this thing has happened with your health, that's no ones fault, not even your own, these things just sometimes do happen. But I'm sorry that it's in turn really affected your mental health and made you struggle with sleep. I know it may not be much of a help, even if I could, but.. I kinda wish I could just be there to help you sleep in some way. Whether it be to cuddle you or make you more comfortable or just talk to you when you can't sleep. Because I probably would, I'd probably stay up all night with you just to keep you company or help try and find ways to help you sleep easier/better.

I'm really glad that you think of these as letters too, I love reading them when I need to, when I feel like pretending I'm hearing you actually say all of these things to me. I think I will always be here for you, no matter how long it's been or how far apart we are, I'll always be here. It doesn't matter what happens or where we go in the world or even in life. I will always care about you and always want to see the best for you and.. yeah, you'll always have a piece of my heart and my mind, I'm pretty certain of that now. I sometimes still can't believe myself that after all these years (it's easily been 5 years since we first met each other now btw haha how mad is that?) you still think of me and care about me. Just like I think about you (a lot, embarrassingly) and care about you.

I really hope you enjoyed staying at your brother's place and looking after the kitties. They sound like very good bois and I hope you got to spend lots of time being with them while you were house/cat sitting. I didnt actually get any Easter chocolate, I was actually told I'm too old now for that by my mother haha. So I went out the next day and bought myself a load of discounted Easter chocolate haha. If no one else is going to do it, then I'm going to do it for myself lol

Oh my god, London was fantastic. I had the most amazing time ever. And the actor I went to meet was so sweet and lovely, I genuinely couldn't have been happier. He even remembered me when I went for my second photo (I had a normal one and a green screen one lol) and gave me a hug! I was really really happy and everyone keeps saying that they are such a cute photos. One of my friends even joked that the picture where he hugged me looks like a "mum and dad on holiday" kind of picture hahaha it made me laugh really fucking hard to think of it that way, especially when it's a famous actor that I'm in the photo with. But I had a great time and it was amazing to see my best friend and me and her had the best day ever. It was also nice to spend a little time with my uncle on the Sunday. We made lunch together and he was showing me some bands he'd been to see in London (he's really into music and likes to find new/obscure bands and go see them, he loves up and coming music and stuff, I think when I go back in August me and him may check out a gig or two together). I hope you get to visit London someday too, I reckon you would have the best time and I really think you would like Camden and Brick Lane the most. I could imagine us both going there and making a full day of it and having the best time ever haha. Of course, you'd have to do the normal touristy things too, like see Buckingham Palace and Big Ben lol

Oh! I also may be getting a bass again really soon too! One of my family friends is refurbishing one and may be giving it to me after they're done with it. I really really hope so, because I miss playing bass a lot and I want to get back into it. I haven't had much of a chance to do any singing for a while because of working, but I'm hoping with my new job I'll maybe have a little more freedom and will be able to get more done. And I'm saving up for a new electric piano/keyboard too, so I can write more/do more things. I've been writing still, even just small ideas that come into my head, I pop them into my notes on my phone.

You really think my handwriting is nice? I think it's messy and too weird haha. I had actually written that actor a letter (just saying thank you etc and telling them about how one of their characters they played really helped me when I was going through a tough time because I related to them so much) and they said my handwriting was nice too haha. I don't know if they actually read the letter, hopefully they did. But it's also okay if they didn't lol I know they probably get thousands of them so it'd be difficult to go through them all. I'm glad it's finally starting to cool down for you, it's starting to get a tiny bit warmer here, thank god. It was 16c here yesterday and I loved it. I went out and sat on my deck out back and had a cup of tea and sat for a little bit, it was really nice. I wish you could have been there, you'd have liked it I think.

I really hope that you're doing okay and that this letter maybe helps you smile a little. Please don't be scared to reach out to me whenever you like, no matter how long it's been. I'm always going to be here, E. I mean that. I really really do.

I hope you have managed to have at least a couple nights of somewhat restful sleep. And if not? Imagine I'm there and see if that helps, I'm sorry I know it's not much but.. when I'm sick or can't sleep, sometimes I imagine you're there and it helps a little. I hope that's not weird to say.

I really hope to hear from you soon and I hope that this letter makes sense to you, E.

Lots of love,

N x

P.S my hair is red again! I'm going to post a picture for you to see after this

"And somewhere, maybe someday, maybe somewhere far away, I’ll find a second little person who will look at me and say, 'I know you, you're the one I've waited for, let’s have some fun"

[engbergsinfinland]

Wednesday ... it's Wednesday again.

The weeks just seem to be flying by! This week was of course punctuated by a major event. The US election took place on Tuesday, concluding what seems like an eternity of campaigning, and we feel that way all the way over here in Finland and we weren't even subjected to the barrage of US campaign ads and mailings and calls and yard signs that our friends and family in the US had to face on a daily basis. Experiencing this election from afar, from Europe, has been very odd. People here in Finland are interested in the outcome of the US election and they seem to be unilaterally opposed to Donald Trump. Alas, this man, who my husband and my children and I all find detestable, has once again claimed the presidency. I won't go into any more details about it in this post, because it's just too alarming and if I start detailing all of my reasons for concern, this blog post will just take a dramatic shift into a deep political and cultural analysis.

After some snow last weekend, the weather warmed again and most of the snow melted off. But on Monday and Tuesday there was still a lot of ice around and very slippery pavement. I've been convinced that I'm going to end up falling on my bottom at least a few times during our year here. I lived in Michigan for 12 years and I honestly don't remember ever wiping out on the ice there. I find that almost impossible, in retrospect, and I imagine that it probably did happen. Over the course of two days earlier this week, I seriously almost splatted on the sidewalk or in the parking lot on a number of occasions. I'm going to have to get those spiked to contraptions that go on my shoes.

Today, on Wednesday, it was in the mid-40s and was rather pleasant. I taught today and tomorrow I'm actually teaching again as I deliver a guest lecture on usability in a colleague's class. Also, this week, a podcast I did about the Yankton Dakota activist writer Gertrude Simmons Bonnin, otherwise known as Zitkala-Ša, was released on the Breaking Down Patriarchy podcast. I recorded this episode this last summer. My cousin, a professor at the University of Utah, had a graduate student who was the host of this podcast. Somehow my cousin referred the host, Amy Alebest, to me, and she had an interest in learning more about Zitkala-Ša, who I have written a lot about over the last 20 years. Anyway, I listened to the episode and I think it actually turned out quite well, and I guess that's saying something since I'm usually very critical of my own work and especially anything of me that's recorded!

Last week I wrote an email to the gymnastics school that Cece is a part of, asking whether I might be able to move her to a class that has a little bit more structure, more coaching/spotting, and is perhaps less of a recreational free-for-all, though I didn't put it in those terms. I heard back this week that she can do a trial class in a pre-competitive group at the beginning of December. If it works out, she'll move to that group. So she's excited to get ready for that. On Sunday, we went once again to the trampoline park in Kauppi and they also have some gymnastics equipment. So she and I worked a little bit on the USA Gymnastics Level 3 beam routine and we did some front handsprings, or rather I should say she did some front handsprings, and front flips on the trampolines. Rowan came too and did some rock climbing on the bouldering wall and on the big wall, with the auto-belay.

I don't have really anything else to report this week; the election results really took the wind out of my sails. But, perhaps some interesting and fun things will happen soon and I will tell you all about them in my weekend post. We know the weather is going to get colder again soon and once it's late November, things are going to get kind of hectic for us. I have a friend visiting from the US right before Thanksgiving, and then we have Fulbright Thanksgiving events in Helsinki, and then the next day we're flying up to Kuusamo to go skiing at the Ruka ski resort for the weekend, and then we come back, and the very next weekend, Cece has an ice-skating competition in Jyväskylä. So, late November will have lots going on, so a relatively uninteresting week--relative to our activities, sights we've seen, or Finnish things we've learned-- like this one is just fine.

[alecsnotalex]

It's been two days, no contacct. It sounds really stupid because we've been broken up for about a month and a half now, but I just don't know what to feel anymore. You haven't messaged back since my last message, and it's supposed to be okay, especially with me. Because we're not together, and you have your own life, you don't owe me anything. While waiting for you to come on Tuesday, I thought, "This day has to be the last time I see you." But we all know I'm too weak to let go and take action. Maybe this is the universe's way to make it happen again. Maybe that's just me comforting myself. Maybe I should just trust my gut on this one and just really let go. Because maybe I was right again. Maybe you really just don't care. And that's okay, I just have to care for me.

The last time I saw you, you dropped me off the bus stop because you said you couldn't hang out with me that day. It's so pathetic how I kept asking you to hang out, and how I told you just really missed you. I'm glad it's not as hard on you though, I know you've wanted to be this way weeks before we broke up. I think you lie a lot, or maybe you just say things you don't mean. Before I stepped out of the car, you said "but let's hang out this week. I really do enjoy my alecs time." I felt nice. It felt nice hearing it from you. Though I already knew it probably wasn't going to happen unless I asked you to.

I wonder if there's someone else. All this time I always said you didn't and that you never would've done that. But what if there was? What if you never responded because you've slept with someone else and what if you weren't really busy on tuesday to look at a car down town, but so you could spend time with her?

Again, it doesn't really matter. You don't owe me anything. We're not together. And it's been two days, it's inevitable for this day to come. It'll happen sometime in the future.I just don't understand why I'm the one left hanging every single time. Like a stupid puppy just waiting, on the side of the street. I feel so stupid and pathetic. How I'd wait for you, how I'd still see you if i could've. I wish I cared the same way you did-- not at all. The other day, Kristen asked me; "do you ever wish you could read someone's mind?" And I said no. I said it's just for the best to now know things. But everyone lies, and I am a liar. I just knew if I did know what was in your mind, I wouldn't be able to take it. But I do want to know. But I want to read your mind and just see that this is as hard on you as it is for me. But I should know better: you don't care.

[ladyazulina]

Azu is Talking - Sleepy Hollow

I haven't seen, read, or heard anything related to the movie, the series, or the story of Sleepy Hollow, I just have my own definition and it's that… I'm feeling hollow inside, and oh so sleepy.

It's actually worrisome, for myself, that I'm actually feeling that sleepy. I know sometimes we need a lot more rest, especially if you go through one period after a rough pre-hormonal stage, sleeping so badly during the entirety of it. You are in dire need of rest. But I have felt the need and desire to sleep to escape or avoid certain circumstances and feelings. I want to sleep to avoid reality. And that's a worrisome approach.

Being able to notice it is a huge step and I'm aware of it, but doesn't make the confrontation any easier.

Weekly Quests Overview Monday: Publish weekly. Tuesday: Celebrate ninth month. Wednesday: Final edit of [REDACTED] adventure. Thursday: English homework. Friday: Penpal correspondence. Saturday: Coffee tasting.

Monday

Quest of the Day: Publish weekly.

I actually did it, yeah, it’s floating around there. But I don’t remember how the day went. I’m having difficulties writing a bit of these weeklies daily, so when I sit down to do the whole writing, it’s usually at the end of the week and I already can’t remember how it started. Unless it left an impression.

If I don’t leave proof in my calendars or in posts on social media, there’s no way for me to know what happened. I guess I spent most of the day trying to finish writing the weekly, and then I posted it when the sun started to set. After that, how I intended to finish one of my editing projects as early as possible, I spent a few hours progressing on that. And that was it.

I should actually give all my projects simple and easier code names so I stop calling them Project #1 and Project #2 followed by a whole needed description to refresh everyone’s—including me—memories.

Tuesday

Quest of the Day: Celebrate ninth month.

Time’s passing by, but I’m really liking collecting every 1st in my belt. This month, though, approached quicker than expected, especially after my partner’s birthday celebration, so we were… caught by surprise. Apart from our monthly routine, we didn’t know what to do. It didn’t make it any less special though.

We’re trying to spend every possible waking moment together because we already have distance between us, but being able to set aside a whole day for Just Us™ is really nice.

I mean, only one day per month is not enough, I’m addicted to those Just Us™ moments and I’m trying to fill our schedules with at least a small one every day (like with our coffee breaks), but that’s usually hard—we’re getting busy, have lives apart, friends, family, responsibilities, a large etc.—, so I can’t really complain with this one day. Sometimes, like last month, we got to sneak a second out, like for his birthday, and soon enough, in about two months, there will be a repeat, but for my birthday.

For which, by the way, I’m pulling together an advent calendar and I’m inviting folks, whoever wants to do something with me, to take advantage of it and set some time apart. You can read more about it in this Tumblr post.

I’m not gonna even try to lie, my favorite part was when my partner relented and we decided on our Iron Valley setting (named Lonely Hill) and created our characters. The random was A Strong Thing™ here, we matched in most of our dice throws and I was baffled. Actually, I believe that’s an understatement. But I’m so excited! He agreed to progress a little bit with our campaign every month, so I’m way too happy! I don’t know, I love Iron Valley, I enjoy it a whole lot, it makes me super happy, it never disappoints. So maybe you will be finding updates about this new campaign sooner rather than later 👀

Oh! Also, btw, I haven’t really been taking into account these days when I’m scheduling posts and stuff, so this week’s post from my Personal Campaign on Iron Valley ran unaddressed. Next week won’t be a new one because I will be sharing this week’s one and scheduling the next, so—sorry, guys! On our monthlies I’m not working on anything, I’m just spending time with my partner, so I neither went with the weekly review. Maybe when I work on scheduling stuff in my calendar, I should share it for accountability. Have I already said I like accountability? Maybe I just need friends…

Wednesday

Quest of the Day: Final edit of [REDACTED] adventure.

I received notice of this from the editor on the weekend, but last Sunday I was battling a hefty headache through the whole day, so I postponed addressing it. On Monday, I received a message from the boss saying that he would look at the editions first and then send it back to me, so I took it out of my schedule until after our monthly, so it was going to be this fine day when I went to look at it.

I wasn’t exactly going to work on the whole edition just on this day and that was obvious when I got to take a look at it. I had a strong hunch when the editor sent me a bunch of questions about the adventure, so I already was… not excited about this last effort.

Not excited doesn’t actually describe it.

The boss personally asked me to not feel disheartened by the editions, but it’s been hard. I spent two days, Wednesday and Thursday, addressing the grammar and narrative changes, suggestions, and edits. The whole ten pages were smeared in red and I could barely breathe through all of it. I needed to stop on the first day after the fifth-page mark before I called it quits, so I could only finish the last five the next day. Now, I just need to address the comments questioning the adventure and the questions the editor threw at me, which I can only say will be nicer than the harsh red editions, but for how much?

Backstage Thursday

Quest of the Day: English homework.

16 pages to fill, 8 from the Student Book and 8 from the Workbook, that could be easier if only I had enough patience to spread them across the week. But no, I just want to end with it when I start it, so I spend around two to four hours weekly growing mad with every passing page, wishing to finish for once, with usually stupid questions to fill. That’s only one unit. I have eight units, and fortunately, this one was the fifth.

I also had the second out of four quizzes, and with an 80%, I don’t feel like I aced it. I passed it alright, yeah, but I could have done better. My second attempt was even worse than the first, so goddess me.

I took care to finish the edition project of the nice and friendly boss before that, I just have to check the changes made by the writers and answer comments, with a big final pass when all’s done.

After English, I worked on my backstage task, one small step at a time. I need order and organization in my life even though juggling this many accounts is unsettling, but I’ll make it through. After I finish separating everything, having clear each account’s purpose, it will all run smoother.

With two projects in the final stages, I feel both better and worse. It’s just that last stretch, but I have had jarring experiences during that same time, so I’m trying to not follow the flashbacks. I can go through. I just have to make a last effort. This time next week I may be free of them, who knows?

At least, so I hope.

Friday

Quest of the Day: Penpal correspondence.

I mean, I wanted to.

I have my angel waiting for more than a month, but we’re not rushing each other, I just remember it every day when I check my email. I haven’t felt like it just yet, but I haven’t forgotten.

And a new email just came, from a penpal who took two years to answer back. I understand the circumstances and I felt happy and all excited about answering back and picking it up again, but my head isn’t there.

I hate forcing myself to answer, but sometimes there’s no other way. The time it takes me is the one I can use to parse how I am feeling, but also, I have been awfully busy as well.

Probably soon 🫶🏼 but it seems I’ll have stuff to do this weekend, so I’m not that convinced just yet. I miss them both dearly and horribly, it’s just a matter of time.

So, about my friend’s birthday gift- let’s better not talk about it yet.

I’m feeling like I’m taking Fridays as a resting day, consciously or subconsciously. I mean, if my body needs it, I shall give it, but it’s bothering me. Sleepy, I have been so sleepy. My head hasn’t been in the proper place this week, hurting way too much; I have also been receiving way too much noise as well, my surroundings weren’t helping, so I have needed the rest. One way or another.

I tried to nap, but I was drifting on and off, watching over a friend’s group chat and waiting for my partner to go have a flash coffee break (of flash it had nothing, he stubbornly stayed until he couldn’t delay his meeting anymore. Tsk), so I couldn’t actually rest but at the same time, when my partner called, it felt as if I had fallen asleep.

I understand there’s something within me trying to stabilize itself, and I’m trying to help to the best of my abilities, but those aren’t good at all. I’m doing all I can. If the best I can do is drop everything and attempt a nap, then that’s what I’m doing. I’m tired of fighting against my body.

It’s supposed to go better in the future.

Playful Saturday

Quest of the Day: Coffee tasting.

I have been eyeing this event for about a week. It’s a Coffeest or something like that, a festival about coffee, and how I’m taking a liking to coffee, it seemed like a good idea to go. I wasn’t all in, but I was going to go, if everything seemed alright around the date.

Everything wasn’t alright around the date.

One of my older cats died a few days ago and I found the body, it was a gore, dreadful, gruesome scene. I had been with him just a few hours prior, so it was also hard to believe.

I have already been feeling down, discouraged with the [REDACTED] adventure stuff, and now this. I didn’t think I was in the mood to go coffee tasting.

In the end, there neither was money. My partner offered to pay for my entry, but I didn’t want to feel forced to go, so I delayed it to the last possible moment, to really confirm if I was going or not. I didn’t. And my mom spent a whole day apologizing for that, because she was the one bringing the event to my attention. I didn’t mind missing it that much, but it feel nice to be acknowledged.

So, I went back to my original plan. Checking changes and answering comments, progressing on my solo witchy game, and starting the second stage of the [REDACTED] adventure’s final edition. I ended doing just 1.5 of all that.

I checked the changes and answered some comments from the editing project alright.

I discovered a few details of the universe of my solo witchy game, but didn’t exactly made any progress apart from formatting-wise.

I didn’t even touched the [REDACTED] adventure. It isn’t even going to star in the magazine issue of this month; I still have the same deadline (two weeks), but it’s not coming out just yet.

I already started the weekend feeling sour, I didn’t want to make it worse. Especially with the outing I have today, one I’m not all that convinced of going. But it’s a family one, and I think I should go. I mean, I actually should be out there, but I’m scheduling this post, so I’m not knowing for certain until it arrives, so let’s hope I’m going and I’m having a nice time or if I stayed, I’m also having a nice time.

For next week, apart from the [REDACTED] adventure and the editing project, I’m not aware of something outside of my (thematic) schedule. I’m planning on having a meeting with my friends on Sunday, we’re still tweaking the details, so I’m not all that sure just yet. Let’s just wait and see.

I have never asked before, but how is your life going? If you ever feel the need to talk with someone, you can reach out to me, I don’t bite. I mean, only my partner, heheh.

[arapydea]

Helllooooo! Just gonna talk about my experience with Streaming till now! Because why not! 

So I started streaming around the start of April this year because it turns out I actually can? 

I was kinda convinced that with the little Laptop I have here it would be almost impossible and I am like the furthers away possible from the router in this apartment so that was another worry. And yet. It works…for the most part…but what more can I ask for? 

I only have occasional connection issues and otherwise it works fine so I’ll take that anyday over it not working at all. 

Anyway so the 2 big things that I wanted to be able to do were Games Streams (which works as I already record my gameplay) and Art Streams (which is were the problems started). Because I could not for the life of me figure out how I can connect my tablet to my laptop in a way where I can record what is happening on the tablet for months. Until I decided I would check once more for a way and I found one that (again, works for the most part) in under 10 minutes...yeah... But it works! I can record my art! I can stream my art!

Anyway I started on March 30th with just a test stream to see if it works. It did! Yay!

I did a few more test streams just to see that it actually works consistenly after which I put a scheduel in place I felt I could stick to. Which is Tuesday & Saturday from 11am to 1pm (CEST) with occasional Thursday afternoon streams. I get if that is an odd time it's just what works best for me at the moment.

But streaming has been very fun! Being able to talk for 2 hours straight has been very nice somehow (well more for my soul than for my throat).

What I did learn thorugh the Art Streams is that I cannot start a piece and partially do it on stream and partially off stream, my brain can't work with that. However a Meme Ara takes around 90 minutes to do while streaming and that fit very nicely with my streaming times & you can never have enough Meme Aras.

But I also learned rather quickly and rather involuntarily that my Streaming limit is at 2 Hours & 30 minutes. I did a stream recently that accidentally went on for 3 hours and 30 minutes and...ah...that wasn't good for me...we did get further in the game though.

You also have to keep an eye on soo much stuff all the time? I have to remember to check the Chat regularly for any activity, Twitches acitivity feed itself, the Bitrate/Internet connection, the Feed from the Game/Tablet & doing all that while conituing to actually do stuff. I am getting used to it but it's taking tiimmeee.

Either way, it's going great! I can mostly stick to my scheudel, I get stuff done, I have fun and that is basically all that counts. I also get to use my PNGModel more which just make it easier to use over time. And having made scenes & screens for the stream has also been fun (even if almost everything is currently only temporary)

Prepping the VODs has also been interesting, especially in Thumbnail Terms. I'm also learning lots there.

Another thing I did just for fun is that I recommend a Song every week through "Aras Song Of The Week!" which is more like "Aras Song of Last Week" but it still works. I have a Playlist for those!

There are also some things I would like to try out in the future, like handcam streams & building some fictional Kpop groups on Stream (I know, that came out of nowhere didn't it?).

And thats where my thoughts about all that end. Well well.

Let's finish this of with a little hold up of my stats

Since the 30th of March 2024 I have (as of the June 21st 2024): - Streamed on a total of 22 days - Streamed 46 hours & 35 Minutes - got 15 Followers

Either way Here is the VOD channel and I Stream Here on Twitch!