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0nlythrowharrybeaux · 2 years ago

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Wonderful World - Part 1

Hello friends, part 1 is here! This one is long, but it is setting the scene to show where each character is at as this story begins. I really hope you guys like it! And again, it's just starting to be developed so if there is anything that you'd like to see happen in the story please let me know, I'd love to hear your feedback and suggestions!

Learn more about the premise of the story, see main (original) character mood boards, and character casting HERE

Warnings: Brief mentions of suicide and depression

WC: 11.3k

“Alright, alright! Listen up!” Diana’s voice carried above the rest of the voices as her class continued chattering as the class period came to an end, “Before you go, I know it’s only our second week back, but I will remind you of the paper you have due in 2 weeks!” She called over the commotion, “Dos paginas, completamente en Español, sobre sus carreras y las metas que tienen para el futuro!” Diana reminded the students in her intermediate level Spanish class and a few of her students nodded while a few others looked on perplexed, “If you need to hear that in English you can find the information on your syllabus!” She smiled as they started filtering out. She rounded the podium at the front of the classroom and started packing up her things.

“Profesora Beltran?” She heard and glanced up to see one of her students approaching. She taught Spanish to college students and was proud to be one of the more popular professors of the World Languages department.

“Yes, Maddie?” She asked as she shifted her focus to the young girl before her.

“Ummm, I am still undecided in my major, so I’m not sure what my goals for the future are. I was wondering if you would allow me to write my paper on something else?” She asked nervously and Diana’s expression shifted into one of compassion and understanding as she removed her glasses.

“Oh, certainly Maddie. You can write about a profession that interests you or a career you’d like to have?” She suggested and Maddie smiled timidly.

“Ummm, I actually run a small candle making business, I mostly sell on Etsy and I want to do that full-time, but my parents are a bit opposed to that. They don’t see much of a future there, is that something I could write about?” She inquired and Diana smiled.

“I love candles! I think if you’re passionate about that then you should have plenty to say about that.” She decided and Maddie smiled brightly upon hearing this.

“Oh wow, thank you Professor.”

“Of course.” Diana smiled and soon the girl was heading off.

Despite her win with one of her students right now, Diana wasn’t feeling too great, she was actually feeling extremely anxious today. More than she had in a long while because she would be taking her daughter, Celeste to a therapist for the first time in her life and these were the thoughts plaguing her mind as she made her way through the building and to her office.

Celeste, was her 14 year old daughter and she had been displaying symptoms of depression for a while and despite Diana’s efforts to try and talk to her about it she was consistently met with a huff or an eye roll, which were not surprising responses from a teen girl. But it was just the day before school was back in session that Celeste came up to her in tears and told her that maybe she was a bit depressed. She was 14, a freshman in high school, there were new pressures, academically and socially, and Diana explained to her tearful daughter that depression wasn’t uncommon in her age group and that it was something very treatable and with the right help she could be back to her old self in no time.

It was concerning to Diana when Celeste expressed her apprehension with seeing the school counselor. She said that she was really overworked and that when she first reached out for help in November she was assessed for suicide and upon determining that she was low risk, she was given a pamphlet with coping strategies as appointments were not available until they returned from school after Christmas break. So Diana did what any parent would do and researched for therapists in her area that were accepting clients. It was rather hopeless and eventually she resorted to checking Psychology Today, where she knew she might find options of newer clinicians who were building their clientele and would have time for their patients. She eventually did find one who had a relatively new practice, his name was Dr. Harry Styles, his website was really nice and easy to navigate, and the information provided there made her feel confident in him and so she made an appointment. It was only an intake, if the vibe wasn’t right she could continue looking, but she just wanted Celeste to get help sooner rather than later and well, today was the day.

She checked the time on her phone and saw it was already 2:30pm so she pulled up the intake forms that he had sent and got to filling them out. Celeste had already filled out an electronic questionnaire outlining her symptoms and Diana was just filling out the information about insurance and parental consent to treatment. Soon she was printing the forms out and locking up her office to pick up Celeste from school.

Celeste was also really nervous for her appointment, which was completely understandable, but Diana talked her down and assured her that the first appointment was just going through the forms that had been filled out and feeling out the vibe with the therapist. Diana assured her that if she didn’t like the therapist that they could keep looking and that seemed to ease some of her daughter’s nerves. After a ten minute drive they were pulling up to an older apartment building and parking out on the street. They made their way inside slowly and right at the bottom floor they saw a directory and he was on floor 5, room A & B, so they rode up to the fifth floor and upon the doors sliding open it was evident that this apartment building had been modified into office spaces. There was a plastic plaque reading Harry Styles, MD beside the frosted glass door with a 5A painted onto the center of the glass. They headed inside and were met with an empty reception desk, but there was a sign on it reading “In Session, I’ll be with you shortly”, so they sat on the couch there and Diana looked around as Celeste pulled out her phone. It was home-y, the color palette was neutral, but not in the way that made you feel like you were in a model home or something of that natural. The couches they were on were evidently new, but the furniture looked loved-on, there were magazines and coloring books for kids and adults on the table before them, and the wall art was minimalistic with positive messages and bursts of color that drew her eye. It couldn’t have been more than five minutes before they heard some movement on the other side of the reception area and then another door close and moments later the door across the room opened up to reveal a tall and very handsome man. Upon seeing her and Celeste he smiled and stepped out to the reception area.

“Hello, you must be my 3:30, Celeste right?” He asked. He had an accent and his voice was deep, but calming - not daunting in any manner.

“Hi yeah, that’s me.” Celeste said standing and offering him reluctant smile.

“Nice to meet you, Celeste. I’m Harry.” He said coming over and extending his hand to her and she shook it politely as Diana stood as well and their eyes met and Harry’s pupils immediately grew in size at the woman before him. She was definitely shorter than him, but she looked really professional and put together, so he assumed she might be Celeste’s mother, but how? She looked young enough to be a sister, “You must be her…?” He asked Diana instead of just assuming her relation.

“I’m her mom, Diana Beltran.” Diana introduced herself, extending her hand to meet his, his beautiful eyes met her own as they greeted each other and she felt that his eyes were just burning into her soul; it almost felt like time stopped for the moment they greeted each other.

“Wonderful, nice to meet you as well.” Harry greeted with a warm smile. As soon as their hands broke contact he clasped them together in front of his chest, “Have you been waiting long?” He asked and she shook her head.

“Hardly, just a few minutes.” She assured.

“Perfect.” He smiled at her and then Celeste, “I know you filled out the online questionnaire, were you able to complete the other intake forms?” He asked them.

“Yes, here they are.” Diana cut in and reached into her tote to pull out a folder and handed them to him.

“Excellent.” He smiled, “If you’re ready Celeste, we can head back now.” He said and she looked to her mom for a moment.

“It’s alright.” Diana assured softly, “I’ve got your things.” She said extending her hand and Celeste gave her mom her phone before following Harry back into the main space and then the door shut. Now that she was out of sight, Diana felt even more stressed and she just hoped that this guy made an attempt to make Celeste feel heard and comfortable.

************

Harry tried to reflect as much calm as possible because he could feel the apprehension and anxiety emanating from his new, young potential client. She took a seat on the couch in the position furthest away from his seat as possible, which was typical of most first timers. He let her know he was just going to check the forms out and she could look around and then proceeded to open up the folder that her mother had so kindly put together with the intake forms and he paged through them.

Celeste liked his office, it was cozy and his rug was cool. She then noticed a record player on the sideboard against the wall and she wanted to look at it more closely. As her eyes traveled down she noticed that one of the panels was open and that there were actually records in there and she was curious about what he had in his collection.

“Ummm, Dr. Styles, can I look at the records?” She asked nervously and he looked up from the form he was reading over, with a friendly smile.

“Certainly!” He encouraged her and she slowly got up and went over to look at the records inside of the cabinet. She smiled as she recognized a handful of them as she flicked through them. He also had some candle going on another little table by the window that reminded her of her mom’s bedroom, it was maybe the same one. When she spared him a glance she saw that he was still looking through the forms her mom had brought and she bit her lip nervously when they made eye contact.

“Y-your office is nice.” She said as she made her way back to the couch and he smiled.

“Thank you.” He expressed his gratitude at her compliment.

“I especially like your rug, it’s really cool.”

“Yeah? It’s my favorite thing in here actually.” He said excitedly and she smiled nervously, “Did you see any music you liked?” He asked and she nodded.

“Obviously the Beatles and some Elvis.” She said and he smiled, “And your Wings ones, Paul is my favorite Beatle.” She explained.

“Get out of town, mine too!” He grinned and she smiled wider, she was still looking really nervous, “So apart from having sick taste in music, what are other things that you enjoy?” He asked and she started to talk a little bit more about her interests. Harry learned that she played guitar and that her favorite classes in school were Human Biology and choir, and that she was considering joining the drama club, and a few other surface level facts. She seemed a little hesitant to talk about herself though, almost as if she was concerned that she would say something wrong.

“You know, it’s my job to listen to you, no matter what you want to talk about and I won’t judge you, so if anything comes to mind you can just say it.” He assured and she exhaled and nodded, “Is this your first time trying therapy?” He asked and she nodded.

“Yeah.” She then responded verbally, “I’m kinda nervous, I guess, sorry.”

“It’s normal for you to feel nervous when you’re doing something brand new.” He assured her, “What about it makes you feel nervous?” He asked and she sighed and looked down at her fingers that were twisting together in her lap.

“Just…I don’t know…I mean first of all you’re a stranger.” She said and he hummed.

“True.” He said and she shrugged before proceeding.

“And I guess I’m nervous that it won’t work on me?” She said in a questioning tone as their eyes met again and he bit his lip as he listened to her express her concerns over treatment and what had happened with the counselor at her school and it was honestly very disappointing to hear her experience.

“I’m so sorry that happened to you. I understand why you’re so hesitant about this, but let me let you in on something. Whether this works or not is totally up us being a team. It’s my job to listen, guide you, and give you tools to help you get better and it’s your job to try and use the tools I give you as recommended. The only way it won’t work is if one of us is not doing our part, and I promise you that if you decide to stick with me I will always do my part.” He said with certainty and a friendly smile and she nodded, “Of course, sometimes just talk therapy isn’t sufficient or isn’t working as quickly as we’d like and if that’s the case we can talk about medication to help. So if you really feel it’s not helping you can tell me so that I can make sure that I am doing everything I can do to get you back on your feet.” He explained and she nodded along again

“Well, I hope this works.” She said and he chuckled.

“I promise you I will do my absolute best.” He reassured her and she smiled and with that he started to get into the session. He started to explain to her the confidentiality clause and what kinds of things are excluded from that, he went over his role and responsibilities as the clinician, and then they started going over the questionnaire she had filled out, and what she wanted to get out of therapy. As Harry listened on he jotted down a couple things that stood out and his own questions that he wanted to ask and the longer she spoke the more it was evident that she was experiencing some depression. As she finished recounting her side of things he took over explaining what he thought would be the best treatment plan for her and how he wanted to approach her situation.

Celeste liked the way he talked to her and how he expressed himself very clearly. When he answered her or asked her a question she could tell he had listened to everything she had said and was so patient. The things she felt were confusing sometimes and he didn’t push her when she would answer with an “I don’t know”. He was just so nice that she felt comfortable with him quite quickly, a lot of the stuff she had told him about what was happening at school, she hadn’t even told her mom and that was new for her because they were quite open with each other. But once they wrapped up she felt really good and she had decided that she wanted to give him a chance.

“So in terms of scheduling, we need to work that out with your mom right?” He asked and she nodded, “OK, perfect. I’m going to have her switch with you in just a moment, but just so we’re clear, like I said at the start, anything we talk about in session just stays between us. I’m just going to go over some of the formalities with her and answer any general questions she might have for me. But if you would like me to be able to share your progress or any information about our sessions with your mom then you can always sign a release, but only if you really want to.” He offered.

“Thank you, I’ll give it some thought. And ummm, do I call you doctor or?” She asked and he chuckled.

“I prefer my name, Harry, but if Dr. Harry or Dr. Styles is more comfortable for you then that’s OK with me too.” He assured with a kind smile and she nodded and they both stood and headed to the door.

*************

As soon as the office door opened up Diana flew up from her seat and locked her phone. She saw Celeste come out and then Dr. Styles emerged with a small smile and that made her feel more at ease.

“Mom, he needs to talk with you now.” Celeste informed and Diana nodded.

“OK. I’ll be just a few minutes.” Diana said and reached for her bag before she followed him back to his main consultation room. She had a look around when she walked in and when she went to sit, she sat on the side of the couch nearest to his chair as Harry went to grab his laptop before settling into his seat.

“Is she alright?” Diana asked and he smiled.

“Yeah, she’s good. She did great, by the way.” He reassured her.

“That’s good to hear. I don’t know if she mentioned to you what the school counselor said to her?” Diana asked with a frown.

“Yes, she did. That must be extremely concerning to learn as a parent.” He acknowledged and she nodded, “And I can assure you, that will not be the case here.”

“I would hope not.” She said with a slight chuckle, “I have been to therapy myself and I had such a great experience, I just want to make sure it’s the same for her and that we find the best fit for her and that she won’t be pushed to the side until she’s in distress.” Diana explained and he nodded in understanding, “About how many clients do you have in total?”

“I have 35 total right now.” He said, “Of those 35 I’m seeing 10 on a weekly basis, 15 on a biweekly basis, and the other 10 on a monthly basis or as needed as they have already completed their treatment or just need their medication dosages adjusted.” He explained and she nodded.

“Oh, OK that’s pretty good.” He smiled and nodded, “And you specialize in CBT.”

“Yes, but I do have a more Humanistic approach which is derived from-”

“Dr. Carl Rogers.” She cut in and Harry smiled and nodded.

“Precisely.” He grinned, “And I will assume you know what his approach is about?”

“Yeah. I don’t mean to be a know it all, after I was in therapy I got really into learning more about it and did a minor in clinical psychology in my undergrad.” She explained and he hummed.

“Oh, no worries! It’s good that you know though. Especially with the younger patients, it’s good to see when the parents are invested. Celeste seemed to really understand the process today, which I’d like to think I’m thorough, but I’d assume you walked her through it before.” He said with a smile.

“Yeah, she was so nervous, I gave her a little run down on the way here.” Diana explained with a smile.

“Well, it worked! She opened right up once we got past the daunting stuff.” Harry assured her.

“Oh wow, that’s typically hard for her. You must be good.” She said and he chuckled.

“I think we just have the same taste in rugs and music.” He joked and she laughed a bit before looking back into his eyes.

“So in terms of your assessment, what do you have in mind for a treatment plan?” She asked.

“Well, starting out I would like to see her once a week, treatment is typically 8 to 10 weeks give or take, just depends on her progress.” He explained to Diana who nodded.

“OK, that sounds reasonable. In terms of charge, what is your rate?”

“I’m charging $125 a session. I do offer a special for new clients, if you commit to three sessions I use your intake fee towards the third session.” He explained.

“Oh, why three appointments?” She asked with a curious smile and he chuckled.

“In my experience it’s enough to have a somewhat comprehensive diagnosis at that point. And also by that point people will have hopefully learned some basic tools to use in the future. Also, that’s the point where you start to get annoyed with your therapist so a lot of people flake out for a while. And well for the people that just come in trying to get prescribed meds I mean, that’s a lot of work to go through and so they’ll just fall off the face of the earth.” He said with a grin.

“Oh, I see. That’s smart! Is that something that happens a lot?”

“It has happened to me a few times here, the university is nearby so a lot of self-diagnosed ADHD or OCD people.” He said and she grinned.

“Ah, TikTok fallacies.” She hummed and he nodded.

“Exactly! A lot of them don’t like to hear that they’re perfectly normal with a few quirks.” He explained.

“Geez…I don’t think I ever considered how challenging this job must be.” She said and he chuckled.

“There’s more good days than those kinds of days.” He assured her.

“Well, it’s good to hear that from you.” Diana said and he smiled, “Sorry, back to the topic at hand, how much is it for today’s session and do you accept insurance at all?” She asked.

“Not yet, unfortunately. I’ve submitted several applications to be a network provider but it’s been a nightmare.” He explained with a small frown, “But it’s $100 even.” He said.

“I can imagine the circles they must walk you in.” She sighed through a dry laugh and he nodded.

“You would not believe.” He joked back and she shook her head as she dug through her tote bag for her wallet and pulled out a crisp $100 bill and handed it to him.

“I promise it’s real.” She joked and he laughed.

“Well now I feel like I need to check.” He joked back but headed to his desk and pulled out a little iPad where he started inputting that to give her a receipt. She continued looking around his office, recognizing the scent of the candle burning by a little table he had near the window. Soon he was back before her with a receipt in hand and she took it and started to put it in her bag.

“Well, Dr. Styles-”

“Harry is fine.” He cut in and she nodded.

“OK, well Harry, it was lovely to meet you and I will have a chat with Celeste, see what she thinks and ummm, in any event I’ll be in touch.” She said and he nodded.

“I appreciate that. It’s good to know when people decide to go in a different direction, otherwise I’m left wondering.” He explained and she nodded.

“It’s just professional courtesy, in my opinion.” She shrugged as she fished her keys out of her purse and he saw her university ID on the lanyard.

“Oh, you work at the university?” He asked in slight surprise and she glanced over to him as they approached the door.

“Yeah, I’m the newest faculty member in the World Languages department.” She disclosed.

“Oh, that’s neat. I actually just got hired as an adjunct professor for the department of Mental Health & Behavioral Intervention.” He said with a bright smile.

“Oh congrats! What’re you teaching?”

“It’s a graduate course on Tele-health. After the pandemic it’s important to be able to translate our skills through virtual sessions and a lot of people are having trouble with that. It’s a new class. I teach it twice a week.” He explained and she hummed in interest.

“That sounds really cool.”

“Yeah, thanks. Well, I don’t want to detain you any longer, but it was a pleasure to meet you both.” He said as he opened up his office door and led them through towards the reception area.

“Likewise. Thank you so much for your time.” Diana said turning back to him once more.

“Of course. And Celeste, chin up.” He encouraged her with a smile and she nodded, offering back a smile and soon they were riding back down the elevator in silence. They settled into the car and Diana glanced to Celeste.

“What did you think of Dr. Styles?” She asked and Celeste smiled.

“I like him. He was easy to talk to and he’s really nice. I want to try another session.” She said and Diana smiled.

“OK, sweetie. I liked him too, he’s very sweet.” Diana agreed.

In a few minutes they were taking off and Diana was driving them to the grocery store to pick up something for dinner. She couldn’t stop thinking about how there was an air of familiarity with this Dr. Styles. If his session with Celeste went anything like their conversation went, she was very happy with the type of help he could provide her. She liked that he still remained professional without making it feel too formal or rigid, there was flow and it was noticeable that he really enjoyed his job.

************

Harry sighed contently as he bid farewell to his final client of the evening and locked up the exit door in his office. He then went to the reception area and also latched that door shut and switched off the lights before heading back to his office. He plopped down into the chair behind his desk with his note pad and opened up his laptop to start typing out his session notes from that day to put in the patients’ electronic files. He then got to Celeste’s notes and started to create a new file for her in his system. He needed to scan in all her paperwork and session notes. Just as he was about to start scanning his phone rang and he saw it was his girlfriend, Rebecca, and he smiled and picked up.

“Hey, love.” He greeted her with warmth.

“Hey, babe!” She responded cheerfully, “How was your day today?” She asked.

“It wasn’t all that busy, but I might have a new client on my roster, things went well so I’m hoping to hear back soon.” He said.

“Aw that’s great! I’m happy for you, H.” She hummed.

“Thanks, love. What’s up?”

“Well I was calling because I was wondering if you’d be able to join me for something tonight? I know it’s super last minute, but a colleague of mine is friends with the mayor’s wife and she knows about my aspirations in city government and she thought she might introduce us. It’s just a little fundraiser for a clinic on wheels, cocktail attire is what she said.” Rebecca explained and Harry nibbled on his lip pensively.

“Mmmm, I have to prepare for lecture tomorrow…what time is it at?”

“It’s now. But they she said it’s over at 10pm. My colleague, Joanne, is gonna be there until about 9:30, but she said to come earlier rather than later as Mayor Singh might not be there until that late.” She explained and Harry nodded as he pulled up his calendar for the following day and saw he didn’t have many client’s scheduled the next morning.

“Ummm, yeah I can make it. Tomorrow is pretty slow, I can work on my lecture then. I just need to finish all my client notes right now.” He informed.

“OK, thank you so much, babe! Is half an hour enough time? I can pick you up? I’m just changing and touching up now.”

“Yeah, that’s plenty of time. I’ll see you in a bit. Love you.”

“Love you too, bye.”Rebecca said before hanging up. He let out a deep exhale before rolling his shoulders back and standing to get the scanner on and finish up Celeste’s file.

Harry and Rebecca had been dating for almost two years. When they met, he was on his least couple months of his residency and she was fresh out of law school and working on the legal team for the community mental health center he would do some of his hours at. Every year they did a mandatory training on the procedures in the case of a malpractice suit or of a subpoena. Since they were a community clinic a lot of people that came through were court mandated clients and it wasn’t out of the norm for the court to subpoena the doctors, therapists, or social workers working with that particular client - it was fairly routine. Either way, that is how their paths crossed and she was actually the one who approached him shortly after their first meeting. Rebecca was bold and had big ambitions, this wasn’t something Harry could see himself being entangled with in the long run, but when they started to date she started to slow down and he figured that maybe her goals were changing a bit.

Because Harry was fresh out of med school and had a little more time on his hands, he was eager to jump into anything that wasn’t school related and when Rebecca asked him out he said yes. Rebecca was smart, gorgeous, and very pleasant, what wasn’t to like. He doesn’t think either of them were looking for a serious relationship when they first started out, but all on its own it kind of became serious. Something that worked well for them was that they both were kind of workaholics, they were both ambitious and out their professions first and they both liked that they were of the same mentality because it helped them not to feel so strapped down. He was always more of a loner and he enjoyed his space and she was very much that same way and so things worked and they didn’t mess with it and here they were today.

Sometimes Harry did wonder if their relationship was normal; what they had was working for them, but in a way there was kind of a distance between them and many of their friends didn’t really get that. He recalls that at one point his best friend, Henry, once said that it seemed that the relationship was just convenient for them and while he took offense and disagreed immediately, Rebecca responded first and asked Henry if it was wrong that a relationship be convenient? And well, after a big fight about that Harry and Rebecca cleared up that it was OK that they were progressing slower than other couples because they had a lot going on personally and that if it worked for them then there was nothing they needed to justify to others. What did worry Harry was that every aspect of life felt like a routine and he knew that while consistency is great, routine could also be damaging to relationships and Harry didn’t want that for them. He did love Rebecca and often worried that the routine they’d been in this entire time would lead to their slow, but certain demise.

The time passed him by quickly between doing his notes and his thoughts and before he even realized it his phone was ringing again with her name lighting up the screen. This meant that she was downstairs, so he quickly shut everything down and he slipped his laptop it into his lockable drawer and rushed out. He popped a piece of gum in his mouth as he rode down the elevator and as soon as he stepped out of the building he waved as he approached the car and then slipped into the passenger seat.

“Hi love. You look nice.” He hummed as he leaned over and kissed her cheek quickly.

“H, I just did my make up…” she sighed as she flipped down the visor to check her make up in the mirror.

“M’sorry.” He said as he switched on the overhead light so that she could see if anything was out of place, “I don’t see any damage.” He assured and she glanced to him and rolled her eyes before leaning over and puckering her lips out and he chuckled as he kissed her quickly on the lips.

“You’re lucky there’s no damage.” She said as she settled back into her spot, “You’ve got lipstick on your lips now though.” She grinned and he huffed and rubbed over them with his palm as he took off. The drive wasn’t all that long and the event seemed to be pretty packed when they arrived. She did a loop around the block and found no parking so they circled around again to the entrance.

“We’re just gonna have to do valet. S’cash only, though. Do you have cash?” Harry asked and she sighed.

“I don’t have cash do you?” She huffed.

“No, sorry.” He sighed, the only cash he had received was Mrs. Beltran’s payment earlier and that was back at the office.

“Fuck, I don’t want to miss the mayor.” She groaned and Harry nibbled on his lip.

“I can find somewhere to park, you go on. I’ll meet you inside, yeah?”

“Are you sure?” Rebecca asked and he was about to respond, but he jumped when he heard some knocks on the window.

“You can’t stop here unless you’re going to park valet!” The man shouted through the glass and Rebecca rolled her eyes.

“Yes, yes! I’m getting off!” She called back in an aggravated tone and Harry chuckled. Rebecca had a rather short fuse, he got it, he did too, and while he was now used to it, it wasn’t something that made her very likable to people who only experienced that part of her. Harry hurried out of the car to get to the driver’s side.

“Sorry, mate. I’m just dropping her off.” He said and the guy just nodded and she rushed past them and towards the entrance as Harry settled into the driver’s seat and took off down the street. He was able to find a parking spot a few streets down in a residential area, luckily no permits were needed and as he locked up the car he opened up his phone to let Rebecca know he was on his way over and he saw a text from her.

Becs:

Hey H, it’s invitation only! Text me when you’re up front!

Harry sighed as he started the walk over and as soon as he got there he texted her letting her know that he was outside and then five minutes passed…then fifteen…he even showed the guy with the list the text and he said he needed her to verify that he was her plus one, even if it were via text. He tried calling and she still didn’t answer and so now he was grumpy and hungry and decided to just go back to the car and pick up something to eat until she decided to check her bloody phone. Unfortunately, he had left his wallet in the office as he left in a rush and all he had was $5 on his apple pay from god knows how long ago and he was able to score himself a burrito which he ate in the car. It had been nearly an hour before Rebecca called him to come up front and so once again, he made the walk over and she was waiting at the steps of the venue.

“I’m so sorry, babe! Joanne was chatting with the mayor and his wife right when I got there and we were able to talk for a while and I couldn’t pull out my phone!” She explained as they made their way inside and despite his irritation he just nodded.

“It’s OK, things happen.” He assured her, “What were you able to talk to him about?” He asked curiously.

“Oh, just some ideas I have when I run for office as a council member.” She said vaguely because she knew that he had no real interest in that and he hummed as they made their way further in. He was able to meet Joanne and her wife, Michelle, they were sweet and nice to talk to and it was around half an hour later when they decided to go out for some drinks and dinner. Harry was still in a sour mood from his multiple walks to and from he car and he had already eaten. Joanne was nice enough to drop them off at their car and Rebecca agreed to meet them at some restaurant before getting out.

“Babe, can you just drop me off at my car? I ate while waiting for you and I’m just not feeling up to staying out tonight. It’s already 9:30.” He said and she sighed as he unlocked the car.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” She said as she opened up her door and then groaned, “H, my car smells like Mexican food.” She whined.

“I’m sorry, love. I was super hungry and there was no garbage can and I wasn’t gonna leave it on the street. I’m sorry.” He said again and she just sighed as she turned on the engine and rolled down the windows.

“It’s fine.” She huffed as she started texting on her phone for a moment before they took off again. The drive back was a bit tense though, despite that when she dropped him off at his office building she kissed his lips quickly and bid him a good night before taking off. Harry was left to wander back upstairs and grab his wallet before he left for the night.

This was why he wondered if their relationship was normal. As a mental health professional, he knew that all relationships looked and functioned differently, but he didn’t feel awful about things with Rebecca. Just now, he was irritated with her and she with him and they just got over it, it wasn’t anything serious that they were irked about, so it didn’t warrant a long conversation, they just needed to grow up and get over it, like they had. And it wasn’t always this way, they hardly ever argued and they did love each other. But sometimes when things like this would happen he wondered whether they were truly just with each other because it was convenient, like Henry had said, and they had both settled for each other because they got on so well and were like-minded. He knew he wanted more of a relationship but he didn’t know if his relationship with Rebecca was capable of that, they hadn’t really talked about it properly. He didn’t feel like it was sometimes and it worried him that he was just wasting her time and his time.

*********

Diana knew it was late, but over dinner she had a lengthy conversation with Celeste about how serious she was in continuing to see Dr. Styles as her therapist and she was very serious about it. She said she felt really comfortable around him because the way he talked to her was similar to her uncle Damian, Diana’s brother. He lived in Mexico, but they visited each other regularly and since Celeste didn’t really grow up with a father figure he was someone that she looked up to a lot. Either way, this prompted her to call his office and she would leave a message about wanting to schedule another appointment. She wasn’t sure why she was so nervous leaving the message, maybe it was how soothing his voice sounded in the greeting, despite him saying that if it was an emergency whoever called should dial 911 - it was the delivery of it that made her feel a little out of sorts.

“Hi Dr. Styles, or ummm Harry, you had said to call you that. I’m sorry it’s late.” She said and then shook her head as she thought to herself ‘that’s the point of voicemails, idiot’, “Anyway, I just wanted to give you some of the times that would work best for Celeste to start treatment. So, Mondays work, but 6pm would be better as my office hours end at 5:30pm. Or Tuesdays and Thursdays also work anywhere from 5 to 7pm, and Fridays after 3pm as well. Just ummm, yeah let me know what works best for you. If none of these work out just let me know and we can figure something out, you can also email me as I’ll be teaching tomorrow and that may be easier for me to check. Thank you for your time today, I appreciated it, have a good night.” She said and pulled the phone away about to hang up and then realized that she hadn’t even said who she was, “Oh, ummm this is Diana Beltran, by the way! Sorry, I forgot to-”

“Your message has been recorded-” the machine cut her off and she groaned, “to play it back press 1, to re-record press 2, to delete your message press 3. If you are finished you may-”

“Ughhh…” she groaned in irritation and hung up, cutting off the monotonous voice from continuing to speak. She wasn’t about to do that again, so she just set her phone down and continued packing up their left over chicken and rice for their lunch the next day.

************

Fresh out of the shower, Harry got in a t-shirt and sweats quickly before hopping into bed. He lived two blocks away from the university campus, so the house he lived in was originally old and small, but with gentrification and all it looked a lot more modern now and the property had been reconfigured to give optimal space, it was rather nice. It had a lot of character, is what he would tell people. Over the pandemic he renovated the bathrooms and re-invigorated the original wood flooring of the home and even now, he continued with his project on updating things just a bit during his free time. Either way, he was happy here and he found it easy to rest in his space. He reached for his phone to just kill some time before he drifted off to bed and as it lit up he saw that he had a voicemail forwarded from the office phone. He always checked just in case he needed to call 911 for a client or something. So he opened up his phone and immediately played the message and brought it up to his ear to listen…

“Hi Dr. Styles, or ummm Harry, you had said to call you that.” The gentle and soothing voice spoke and he immediately smiled as he pictured the person it belonged to, Diana. “I’m sorry it’s late. Anyway, I just wanted to give you some of the times that would work best for Celeste to start treatment. So, Mondays work, but 6pm would be better as my office hours end at 5:30pm. Thursdays also work anywhere from 5 to 7pm, and Fridays after 4:30pm as well. Just ummm, yeah let me know what works best for you. If none of these work out just let me know and we can figure something out, you can also email me as I’ll be teaching tomorrow and that may be easier for me to check. Thank you for your time today, I appreciated it, have a good night.” She finished and he heard a bit of shuffling for a few moments before he heard the last bit, “Oh, ummm this is Diana Beltran, by the way! Sorry, I forgot to-” it suddenly cut off and he chuckled to himself a bit.

His office phone had a time limit on the messages and he had no idea how to fix that. He was tempted to get out of bed and grab his laptop to look at his calendar to figure out when he could schedule Celeste so that he could return her call first thing in the morning, but he needed to chill out. He wasn’t sure why he was so eager to figure this out for them. Actually he was…she was striking. Absolutely gorgeous. From the moment they met he was drawn to her just because of her looks. But more than that, she was so sweet and clearly smart, and she was amicable and so easygoing, it drew him in. Harry told himself that he was thinking of her because she had left a voicemail and obviously, she was now stuck in his head. And his mind kept bringing back one thought: Someone like her had to be taken. Just then, his phone buzzed in his hand and it was a text from Rebecca apologizing once again for getting upset at him for the food thing and telling him good night. He assured her it was alright and wished her a good night before deciding to just get to sleep. The last thing he needed was to be in shambles and exhausted for his class the following day and more than that, whatever curiosity Harry had towards Diana ended now. Yes, she was beautiful and she seemed like a nice and wonderful woman, but he would be seeing her daughter as his client and entertaining those ideas of her wouldn’t be beneficial to anyone.

*************

After Harry got far too excited over hearing Diana’s voice last night, even if it was over voicemail, he decided that he needed to set up a boundary before he got too invested in her or developed any type of crush on her, as he had decided the night before. Her daughter, Celeste, had chosen to continue seeing him as her therapist and the relationship with her was his priority now. After emailing Diana back about scheduling (instead of calling back), his day went by rather slow. Harry was dedicating a lot of his time to review his lecture material for his class that evening. His class was technically an elective, so he had students who were interested in or leaning towards only providing therapy online. His class was actually a good number, they capped them at 30 for the graduate students and he had 23, so it was good that this topic had cultivated interest. He did have to mentally prepare himself though to be as stoic and neutral as possible because some of the women in his class were not subtle at all. And even thought they were closer in age to him, he was still their professor and the last thing he wanted was to give anyone the wrong impression and get himself into trouble. He wasn’t cocky, but he knew he was a handsome man and he was really nice, so he just wanted to be sure no lines were ever blurred or that a misunderstanding was even remotely possible. That was honestly his biggest stressor; he had been a bit nervous about actually teaching the students and being able to convey information to them, but as soon as he started doing it he felt comfortable and he understood why so many people loved to contribute to the growth of their profession in this manner.

************

On her busy days, which were Tuesdays and Wednesdays, Diana’s best friend, Grace, would be the one to get Celeste from school. Diana was lecturing non-stop on Tuesdays and only got an hour break before her final class of the day, which started at 6pm. So now, she was rushing down the street to her favorite cafe on campus, Café Flores. It was a little over a 5 minute walk from where she lectured on Tuesdays, but even if it were out of her way, she would always find an excuse to go. Since most students were at dinner, it was slow at the cafe at that time. She would always order the same thing, the guy at the register smiled when he saw her come in.

“Hey, professor.” He said as she walked up, smiling as well.

“Hi Nico, how’s it been?” She asked.

“It’s slowing down.” He said with a smile and she nodded, “What can I get started for you?” He asked.

“I’m gonna do the 20oz today, café con leche.”

“The usual.” He smiled.

“I sized up, OK?” She said and he chuckled.

“And half & half is OK?”

“Always.” She said and he grinned.

“Anything else?” He asked.

“I’m also going to get the avocado toast.”

“With everything?” He asked.

“Ummm, no crema and no onions.” She said and he recited her order before submitting it and taking her payment. The owners of this cafe were originally from Chiapas, Mexico - the opened this place up in the late seventies and as they grew older their children took it over and it’s such a wonderful atmosphere to be in; it reminded her of being back in Mexico. And this spot was so popular that when the neighboring business relocated they bought it as well and that’s more of the study lounge vibe students are looking for. They were just as, if not a little more popular than the Starbucks across campus. It was really amazing to her how well this business had evolved to continue being around for that long.

“Professor Beltran?” She heard kind of from a distance and as she zoned back in and looked away from the little card with the shop’s story she blinked a few times before turning to her left and looking up to see none other than Dr. Styles who was smiling down at her.

“Oh, hello!” She smiled bright and stood immediately, extending her hand to greet him, “What brings you here?” She asked.

“I teach tonight and ummm, the last two weeks I’ve seen most of my students with cups from here and I thought I should check it out.” He said and she nodded.

“It certainly beats Starbucks.” She said and he grinned.

“Oh, perfect.” He hummed and she nodded, “You teach today as well?”

“Yes, I’ve got three classes today.” She explained and he grimaced and she chuckled.

“I know.” She sighed, “But to be fair this last one is an elective on Latin American art & culture so I don’t do as much talking as I do visual aids.” She said and he chuckled.

“That’s good.”

“It it’s a three hour class though, so I am pretty pooped afterwards but you know about that with the graduate students.” She said and he nodded. She remembered. Harry thought to himself.

“Order for Diana!” The girl at the pick-up station called out.

“Excuse me for a second.” She said to Harry.

“Oh, you can go if you need to, no worries.” He assured.

“I was actually going to stay and eat here, I lecture in the building just around the corner and it starts until 6pm. You’re more than welcome to join me if you’d like.” She said and before he could overthink it he nodded.

“That’d be nice, I still don’t know too many people.” He explained and she nodded.

“Yeah, of course.” She assured and hurried off but came back quickly as Harry was settling into the spot across from her and she was settling in.

“Do you want some?” She asked and he shook his head immediately.

“Oh no, I ordered something as well. But please get started.” He assured and she nodded and went for her toast right away. She finished chewing and hummed.

“Always hits the spot. I haven’t eaten since 11:30.” She disclosed.

“Oh god, I would be a proper grouch if I went that long without eating.” He said and she giggled.

“So you get hangry, I see…so does my teenage daughter.” she teased and he chuckled as he shook his head at her little joke.

“I mean, most people do.” He said and she shrugged her shoulders.

“That’s fair.” She responded and he chuckled again.

“You don’t?” He asked her and she shook her head.

“No. Being a parent often means staving off your own needs for your kids, even hunger. I will admit sometimes I forget to eat-”

“You forget to eat?” He asked in shock and she giggled.

“If I’m really busy. It’s usually during the end of the semester, but I don’t think any of my classes will push me to that this quarter.” She said and he nodded.

“Well good.”

“Yes.” She grinned. Then they called his name and he came back with his own order. He just had a regular black coffee and a capirotada - which is essentially a bread pudding.

“Ooh, good choice.” She said and he glanced up to her.

“Oh yeah? He told me it was like bread pudding.”

“It is! They make it really good here, it’s not too sweet or cinnamon-y, it’s just right.” She said and he nodded.

“Oh good!” I just got this because it looks kind of like a dessert from England and I admittedly got a bit nostalgic.” He explained himself and she smiled; she understood that feeling very well.

“Yeah, I get that.” She nodded, “So have you been in the US long?”

“Yeah, I came over for med school, so I’ve been here about…10 years?” He said, “Oh shit.” He then said lowly as the realization struck him and she laughed lightly as she watched it unfold before her.

“Do you miss England?”

“Some things I miss, but I really like it here. It was a fresh start.” He said and she nodded in understanding.

“Yeah, we need those sometimes.” She acknowledged, “But look at you now, your own practice and everything. Even teaching now!” She said veering the topic into a more positive light and he chuckled bashfully as he reached for his coffee.

“Living the dream.” He said and she quirked her face a bit with a confused smile because she did not miss the sardonic tone in his voice.

“You say that like you’re not convinced of it.” She called him out, which surprised him and he shrugged before he decided that he would explain himself to her.

“It’s just like, you work so hard for something…literally dedicate everything you are and all of your time and resources to it to get there and once you do it’s kind of the feeling of like “that’s it”?. Do you know what I mean?” He asked, an existential crisis was close if they were to continue not he topic of him so he had to turn it around and she hummed pensively at his question.

“Kind of… I mean, I hear med school is…horrific.” She said, “Highest suicide rate, no?” and he nodded.

“Well, three times more likely than our peers.” He corrected her and she frowned, it was still alarming. She had friends who had gone to medical school, a few dropped out because it was too intense, so yeah, maybe he was very valid in feeling like all of that made it out bigger than it needed to be.

“So it is horrific.” She said again an the sighed, smiling bit now despite the morbid topic they had just touched on.

“I love learning and I do love school, maybe that’s why I came back to teach… so ummm, I wouldn’t say it was horrific for me, but definitely challenging…and I don’t know, I was just one of those people that were so focused on school and being excellent in that capacity that I didn’t it as much as I could have or made the good kind of memories with the people around me. Like several of the people in my cohort were married over the last couple years and well, I wasn’t invited because, we were classmates but I didn’t take the time to make them my friends. And just little things like that, that I wish I had valued more at the time.” He explained and she hummed with a small frown, “And well now, yes, I have my practice, but having your own business is very time consuming and it makes it hard to have my own life too, you know? I love what I do, trust me, I would’ve never gone through with med school if I didn’t. I would do It for free! But like there are times in which I wish I didn’t have to answer a phone call of a patient in distress in the middle of a date with my girlfriend. Or have a patient go through that angry at my therapist phase and fear I’ll get sued and lose everything.” He chuckled and she did as well.

“Yeah, wow, that is…intense.” She said and he nodded.

“It is and again, I love to do it and I love to help people, but I’m still new at this so I’m just getting the hang of it. I’m sure I’ll be able to find balance with some time, but it does feel like I never will be able to start living my life sometimes.” He expressed, “Do you ever feel that way? Being a mum? Sorry, if that came out weird, Celeste mentioned that you were quite young.” He tagged in and she shook her head.

“It’s alright,” Diana assured him, “and not really… I don’t feel that I missed out on my youth or anything like that. I wasn’t all that social in college anyway.” She explained and he hummed in understanding, “Kind of also threw myself into the work and well, I had a baby, and well it’s not like I was a 16 year old mom, but being 19 with a baby still makes people look at you differently.” She shrugged and Harry frowned slightly upon hearing this.

“People are dicks.” He said and she smiled at his lame attempt to comfort her after what she had shared, but it wasn’t necessary, that had stopped bothering her a long, long time ago, “And Celeste’s dad? You guys were young, how does he feel about that?” He asked and Diana suddenly looked down at her coffee cup before clearing her throat and glancing into his eyes.

“Ummm…h-how’re you liking teaching?” She changed the subject all together, so fast and abruptly that Harry just went along with it, barely even noticing that his previous question had been completely ignored.

“It’s been great! I was dying of nerves beforehand but as soon as I got up there it just felt amazing to know that I could share what I knew like that. It’s made me fall in love with my profession even more.” He admitted and she smiled.

“Yeah, that happens to all the great teachers I know, at least.” She shrugged and he smiled before digging into his capirotada. He moaned in satisfaction at the taste of the dessert.

“OK, that’s phenomenal.” He said after he swallowed down the bite he took.

“Oh yeah, it’s a classic.” She agreed and he hummed.

“I can see why.” He acknowledged.

They continued to talk a little bit more, though he noticed that after he had brought up Celeste’s dad the topic stayed more at the professional level as she discussed teaching and the university, and curriculum designs. He felt bad for bringing that up, but he was curious as Celeste had talked about her dad, but very briefly and he had meant to ask more questions, but then they progressed to something else in the session and he just wanted to know more about their family unit - maybe she wasn’t married like he initially assumed. Either way, after the reaction she had, he felt like he needed to apologize for it, but it seemed that just changing the topic was enough for her. Just as he was about to ask her something else her phone started ringing and she glanced down to it.

“And that’s my 15 minute timer!” She announced and his eyes widened.

“Already?”

“Yeah.” She giggled, “Time flies when you’re having fun!” She exclaimed and he grinned.

“I guess so. I should probably head out too, I’m lecturing further than you are and I walked too.” He said and she nodded.

“Then yeah, you should.” She agreed as she stuffed the last bite of her toast in her mouth and they both stood to clean up their table a bit and gather their things. “Well, it was nice running into you. I hope your class goes well.” She smiled and he nodded.

“Yeah, yours too.” He returned her well-wishes and then they both made their way out only to realize that he had fallen a few steps behind her as they were heading in the same direction, “I’m not following you, I swear.” He said and she laughed; she had a pretty laugh. “You’re fine.” She assured him.

“Well, while we’re going in the same direction I guess I have a sort of question about something.” He said hurrying up to match her pace and she nodded, “So in my field, it’s a female-dominant one and ummm, obviously, my class is mostly women, there are 2 or 3 guys in it, but ummm, some of the women are-”

“Oddly friendly?” She grinned up at him in question and he smiled, a cute dimply one that made her heart race in a way it hadn’t in a long time.

“Yeah, ummm, to put it nicely.” He confirmed bashfully, “I just don’t want to accidentally miscommunicate things or give the wrong impression. And I can’t deal with it as a therapist because it’s a different scenario. In therapy we just tend to confront it directly and I don’t know it that’s the best approach here too? I do notice some of them looking at me in certain ways or just being a little flirtatious with me and I don’t know… I just don’t want to mess something up. Is that something you’ve dealt with?” He asked and she nodded.

“Oh yeah, being a young professor comes with unique challenges and ummm, yeah, some of my students have put me in a position like that too and I learned that when you directly confront it they immediately deny it and then make you feel like you’re being a cocky asshole or presumptuous, which also sucks.” She sighed, “H-have you ever had a client do that to you?” She asked and he nodded.

“Once or twice, but I was still a resident and like working in my fellowship at the time so I had a lot more help to navigate that.” He explained and she nodded, “I just got switched to another rotation, it was in a psych ward so it wasn’t like I was the clinician, it was more 51-50 situations, so I was just providing the meds while we were allowed to hold them.” He explained and she nodded.

“OK, so yeah, in this scenario, if they flirt or hint at liking you just act normal, don’t acknowledge the flirtations and advances if they’re very subtle, keep it professional, set the boundary with your response. But if they start to come on stronger or in more obvious and bold advances, like I once had a student ask me if we could go out after the class was over and I wasn’t his professor anymore. Or if they bring you gifts,” She shared, “then you can be more stern in reminding them of the boundary. I know with graduate students it’s a little different as they are full-fledged adults,” she said, “but if there are students who just seek you out without reason or are just trying to get close to you, obviously try to keep those interactions documented. So if they want to see you try to keep it over email or zoom, document meetings and appointments on your calendar, things like that. We often think that we need to not have any evidence, but paper trails are your best friend if you’re not a sketchy person!” She explained.

“OK, that is the best advice I have ever received.” He smiled and she nodded.

“I came up with that one myself.” She grinned with pride and he chuckled, “Here’s a suggestion, I don’t know if you’ll need it for your courses, but I make a calendar for my office hours for each class and add all of my students to it, they can then book their own appointments, but everyone else who is in the class sees, kind of like a virtual sign-up sheet. In my experience it dissuades those students who are just coming by to “say hi”, as they like to say.” She said and he hummed, “That is time consuming though, so if anything just try not to let them catch you alone, causally bring up you’re in a relationship, stuff like that.” She smiled.

“OK. Yeah, I just don’t want them to take it too far and I have to do something more serious about it, you know? Like I get having crushes on your teacher, in Med school I had this o-chem professor who was so attractive, I was one of his best students and he was like a genius, he was about my age now and I knew that he kind of liked me too. There was this unspoken tension that we both just…lived with for that entire semester, but he never said anything about it. He just let it be and then after I finished his class he just kind of never spoke to me again. I didn’t take offense to it, I know that once a line like that is crossed it just makes it easier for it to happen again. But it’s hard being a sapiosexual while running in academic circles.” He said with a breathy chuckle and she nodded as she started to slow down.

“Oh definitely, I’m with you on that one!” She giggled in agreement, she was a fellow sapiosexual and knew all about that on her own, “But I think he was smart about how he dealt, your professor.” She said and he nodded, “So yeah, just be nice about it, don’t make the student feel awkward about it if it’s just a crush. And well I’m sure the magic’ll wear off after midterms.” She joked and he laughed as they came to a stop in front of a large lecture hall.

“Most likely.” He chuckled, “This you?” He asked and she nodded.

“Yep! Well, Dr. Styles it was lovely running into you.” She said again.

“Likewise, Professor Beltran. And please, s’just Harry.” He insisted once more and she smiled and nodded.

“Right. Well, I’m just Diana too, so umm yeah. I’ll uh-see you around. Have a good night.” She bid him farewell.

“You too!” He called after her before he continued walking towards his class with his heart racing a bit more than it ought to. But he was walking at a relatively quick speed and he’d just had a plain coffee with an extra espresso shot, so it was likely that his heart was reacting to just that. It was ironic really, the conversation they had just had. He had too many questions for and about her and his interest was piqued after this. All he knew was that the next time he went by the cafe he would be taking his order to-go, he couldn’t sit with her like this again.

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lovegoodlane · 1 year ago

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Chapter 6- Faking It

Warnings: Sexually explicit content (fake sex, dirty talk, oral sex [male receiving], slut shaming?)

Words: 1.9k

Violet reached for Shawn's hand, resting it on her hip.

"Act like you like me," she said to him.

"That won't be difficult," he said, a smirk gracing his features.

Niall had walked away, not wanting to be a part of the absolute shit show that he knew was about to go down.

"Are you okay with me using you like this?" Violet asked, looking up at Shawn with concern.

"I'm happy to get back at Harry, he needs to be put in his place sometimes," he replied.

Violet inhaled, trying to calm herself. What was Harry doing to her?

She stood on her toes, reaching up to kiss Shawn.

The kiss was nothing like what she had with Harry. It wasn't passionate or fiery. It was good, but it was boring.

Shawn's hands trailed down her hips toward her ass, giving it a squeeze.

Violet broke the kiss, keeping a smile on her face.

"Hands off, buddy," she warned through her fake smile. They might be trying to make Harry jealous, but this wasn't a free pass for Shawn to get handsy with her.

She gave Shawn one more kiss before leaning in to whisper in his ear.

"Let's take this somewhere else," she said in a sultry tone.

He smirked and reached for her hand, leading her out of the living room. He took her to the guest bedroom, which was toward the back of the house. He shut the door before pressing her up against it.

"Harry was watching, he'll probably be following behind us here in a few seconds," Shawn whispered, looking down at Violet. "Any ideas for how you want this to go?"

"Do you have a condom, handsome?" she asked, definitely loud enough for Harry to hear from outside the door.

"Of course I do," he replied, sounding smug.

"Well, I don't think we'll need it," she said, trying to sound as flirty as possible.

"That's hot," he replied, sounding genuine.

"Must I remind you that this is all fake?" Violet whispered in a scolding tone.

"You want it against this door, baby?" Shawn asked, purposely thumping his knee into the door.

"Please," she moaned back, knocking her head back to bump into the door.

"Your wish is my command," he replied, rustling around with his clothing as loudly as possible.

Violet breathed as loudly as she could, moaning every now and then to try to sound convincing.

"Feel good, babe?" Shawn asked, attempting to sound breathless.

"Yes," she said in a breathy voice. "More please."

Violet and Shawn made eye contact, and it took all of their restraint not to burst out in laughter. They knew they were being childish, but this situation was impossible to not laugh at.

"So tight, baby," Shawn said, his voice sounding strained.

Violet choked back a giggle, biting the back of her hand to stop herself. Now Shawn was just being ridiculous.

"Oh God, harder, baby," Violet moaned dramatically.

She felt like she was in high school again laughing about sex jokes.

"Mmmm, you did such a good job," Shawn complimented, giving one final thump against the door. "Do you think that did the trick?" he whispered.

"Yeah, I think so," she replied. "Thanks."

"I can't believe you talked me into this," he laughed, shaking his head.

Violet smiled at him before heading into the bathroom connected to the guest room, checking over her appearance before going back out to the party.

Shawn leaned against the door frame.

"I need to mess up my hair a little, don't you think?" Violet asked, peering at Shawn through the mirror.

"Here, let me help," he offered, reaching over and disheveling her hair.

She laughed as he wildly flopped her hair around. She might have just done something really petty, but at least her and Shawn were able to laugh about it.

"Ready to head back?" he asked, turning back toward the bedroom door.

"Sure," she said, reaching to hold his hand as they walked out of the bedroom.

As soon as they were back in the living room, Violet could feel Harry's icy glare on her. She smiled to herself. Mission accomplished.

Shawn turned to her.

"I'm going to go grab a drink," he said. "I'll be right back."

She nodded, then he turned to head for the kitchen. She looked across the room to where she had seen Harry only a few moments ago, but he was gone.

"We need t'talk," Harry said from behind her, gripping her arm.

Violet turned to him, giving him an innocent smile.

"Sure," she said, following behind him as he led her to the bathroom.

He closed the door behind them, letting out a frustrated sigh. Violet leaned against the sink, waiting for Harry to speak.

"You are unbelievable," he finally said, his voice sounding angry.

"What?" she asked, feigning innocence.

"You fucked Shawn in my house," he said, his voice raising in volume.

"So?" she said, still casually leaning back against the sink pretending to be unphased. "You said that you had other girls. Am I not allowed to have other guys?"

Harry balled his hands into fists.

"Y'don't understand," he said, looking down at the floor.

"What do I not understand, Harry?" she asked, her voice becoming sour.

"I would never fuck your friend," he replied, staring at her with unforgiving eyes.

"Yeah, because Miya is a lesbian," she said, chuckling.

"You get my point," he said, frustrated.

"No, I don't actually," she said, copping an attitude. "You never outlined the parameters of whatever we have going on here. You never said that anyone was off limits."

Harry shook his head and turned away from her.

"Such a fucking slut," he muttered to himself.

Violet's eyes narrowed in anger.

"What did you just call me?" she asked, pushing herself off of the sink to close the distance between them.

Harry turned back to her.

"I called you a slut," he said, sounding unashamed.

Violet pushed his shoulders, shoving him back against the door.

"Don't ever say that to me," she said, her face only centimeters from his.

Harry smirked before digging his fingers into her hips, pulling her to him. He kissed her hard, biting down on her bottom lip just hard enough to avoid drawing blood.

Violet kissed him back, grabbing onto his collar as she pulled him closer to her. His hands made their way down to her ass, cupping it as he pressed her further into him.

They kissed viciously, teeth and tongues tangling with each other. Violet reached for Harry's belt, pulling away for a second to get his permission.

"I'm going to suck your dick," she said matter-of-factly.

"Please do," Harry replied, a smug grin creeping onto his lips.

Violet kissed him again, undoing his belt in the process. She unzipped his pants and dropped to her knees.

She pulled his slacks down to his ankles, coming face to face with his gray boxer briefs. His already hard dick had created a tent in his boxers, and Violet silently commended herself for getting him there.

She ran her hands up his thighs before kissing his member over the fabric of his underwear. He choked out a groan, begging her for more.

Violet dipped one hand into the front of his boxers, reaching in to take ahold of his hard dick. She smirked up at him before pulling his boxers down, finally revealing himself to her.

He was big. Violet wasn't confident that she would be able to take all of him in her mouth, but she would definitely try.

She began to stroke him slowly, enjoying the way his face contorted with pleasure. She picked up her pace, now daring to dart out her tongue to tease his tip.

Harry bit down on his lip, trying to stifle another moan. Violet had barely even touched him and he was already wound up.

She took him into her mouth, suckling on his tip as she continued to pump him with her hand. His hand found its way to her hair, pulling her further onto his dick. Harry was growing impatient.

Violet held in a chuckle, relishing in the way that she was able to make him squirm.

She took in more of him, fitting almost all of him into her mouth before she gagged. This didn't stop her, and she sucked on him with full force, playing with his balls with her free hand.

"Fuck, darling, just like that," Harry said, his voice deep and lustful.

She continued at a brutal pace, her eyes beginning to water as she forced more of him down her throat. Violet looked up at him, hoping to capture his expression.

His eyes met hers, and he gave her a satisfied grin before groaning again.

"God Violet, so fucking gorgeous with my cock in your mouth," he said, his words breathy and strained.

Moisture pooled in Violet's panties at Harry's words. He was too good with those words.

She had finally fit the rest of him in her mouth, and his fingers dug into her scalp.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum," he warned her, attempting to pull himself out of her mouth.

She stopped him, pushing his hips further against the door as she sucked him. Her aggression sent him over the edge, and he came in her mouth. When he was finished, he looked down at her in awe. She had swallowed every last drop, and a satisfied smile found its way to her face.

Violet helped him get dressed before standing up, placing a light kiss right on the end of Harry's nose. He pulled her in, kissing her lips to show his appreciation.

"Was that good?" Violet mumbled into his lips.

"Good?" he replied. "Good doesn't even cover it."

He kissed her again, reveling in the softness of her lips.

"We should probably get back before anyone realizes that we're gone," she said, pulling away to reach for the door handle.

"S'okay, I want everyone to know that I was with a gorgeous girl like you," Harry said, gripping onto her hips to give her a final kiss on the neck.

They went back into the living room, and it seemed like every pair of eyes landed on Harry and Violet. Violet felt a blush beginning to form on her face, and she hustled into the kitchen to avoid the attention, leaving Harry behind.

She found Niall and Shawn in there, leaning against the counters as they conversed. They noticed her enter and waved her over.

"So?" Shawn asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"I think it worked," Violet replied, letting out a small giggle.

"This feels like the plot of a toxic romcom," Niall said, shaking his head in disappointment.

Violet laughed, reaching over to pour herself another drink.

"But I got what I wanted, didn't I?" she said before taking a sip from her cup.

"What exactly did you get?" Niall asked, tilting his head toward her to shoot her a questioning glance.

"I'll let Harry tell you," she said, poking him in the chest.

"Did you really fuck the Harry Styles?" Shawn asked sarcastically. "You're living the dream."

"We didn't go that far," Violet said before playfully punching him in the arm. "Get your mind out of the gutter."

They laughed for a moment before a comfortable silence rested over the room. Violet was glad to have Shawn and Niall. They made it much easier to deal with Harry's mood swings and fear of commitment.

"Hey V, do you think my moans were convincing?" Shawn asked playfully, breaking the silence. "Here Niall, let me demonstrate for you."

Shawn moaned dramatically, pulling Niall to him to moan in his ear.

Violet doubled over in laughter while Niall pushed Shawn away.

She was definitely thankful for her boys.

----

Next Chapter

#harry styles #harry x oc #harry styles x oc #harry styles x original character #harry styles smut #smut #slow burn #harry styles slow burn #forever valentine

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ohmoonbeam · 1 year ago

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This is so so adorable and divine. I love the way Harry’s character is written, I love the female lead and generally love the whole fic!

Gala After Gala

Harry didn’t know that one moment with Y/N would change his life.

Word count: 28,920 (no joke)

A/N: hi amores! this has been something i have been working on for months. this is older harry and I can honestly say i’ve poured my heart into this piece. special mention to @matildashoney who was just an amazing support as i worked on this on and off. thank you for being patient with me friends! 💜

i hope you enjoy, my loves. buckle in, grab your waters and happy reading!

Warnings: slow burn!!!!! (it’s worth it), angst, fluff, smut (female pleasure)

Another gala. Another check to write.

Harry has to remind his assistant to stop accepting these invitations for him. Next time he’ll mail a check out instead. He had finished buttoning his velvet maroon coat as he handed off his keys to the valet for the hotel. The doorman guided him down the entry leading him to the extravagant ballroom.

To no surprise, the venue was decorated beautifully. There seemed to be a common theme of gold and flowers. At every turn, he saw a waiter with a boutonniere in their left pocket. The tablecloth shimmered under the dimmed lights, unlike the usual cheap fabric he saw at other events. For food, appetizers were lined up in the back with small places and forks to the side so one could serve themselves to their liking. Dinner was set to start in an hour once most of the guests arrived.

Harry mingled with a drink in his hand, not bothering to force a smile, he had the displeasure of knowing most of the people in attendance, and he can’t say he’s the biggest fan of them. They all had one thing on their mind: money. None of them cared about the cause for tonight, Harry included. All they were there for was to flaunt their money and see who could donate the most, and by the looks of it, Old man Tommy was looking to take the win by how aggressively he was signing his checkbook.

Keep reading

#harry styles #reader #slow burn #smut #fluff #romance #complete #standalone #harry styles reader #harry styles slow burn #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles romance #harry styles complete #harry styles standalone #gucciwins

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lemoncrushh · 8 months ago

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MASTERLIST

>> Learn a little about me and my writing here <<

Everything is in order from oldest to newest. Unfortunately, all of my 2015 blurbs and one-shots got deleted from Wattpad, and I didn't have them saved anywhere else, so we begin with 2016.

The 2016 Blurbs

Taboo You and Harry have a little fun in the bathroom during a party.

Victoria's Secret Harry meets Victoria, a beautiful plus-size woman, at a party and is quite smitten with her.

The One Where Harry Tries to Win You Back When Harry cancels your date again, you decide to go out alone.

Drunk Me Is Like Regular Me You and Harry have a cute and silly evening together. AKA, Harry can’t help being cute, even when he’s drunk.

Happy Place While staying at a cabin with friends, Harry comforts you when you’re feeling down.

You're Never This Quiet Harry has been quiet all evening and you wonder why.

You Said You'd Never Leave You worry that you can no longer handle being Harry’s girlfriend.

Show Me Your Texts, or It's Over Harry finds out you've been in contact with your ex and gives you an ultimatum.

Just for the Record After returning home from a concert with Harry, you share a smoke and a bed.

Scars You have scars and are hesitant about letting Harry see you naked for the first time.

I Miss You You’ve grown frustrated and lonely because Harry is always busy.

Best Friends You and Harry are best friends, but he would love for it be more.

Rooms On Fire (The Morning After) You meet Harry Styles at a party and have an amazing night.

Slave 4 U 2 Harry is ready to take you home for a little role play.

The Opera You and Harry can’t keep your hands off each other at the opera.

My Home You and Harry visit his family, but you have to stay in Gemma’s room.

A Night Out with Harry You take care of Harry after a drunken night out.

Back For You Harry is in town, and you go visit him at the hotel.

Melt A sexy evening with Harry.

Heartstrings You become One Direction’s new guitarist and you and your best friend Harry realize you have feelings for each other.

What's It Like You can’t sleep and decide to pay Harry a visit in the next room.

The Lucky One Harry is not too pleased when you run into your old high school crush at a restaurant.

Too Long It’s been too long since you and Harry have had sex.

Anniversary Pancakes Harry and his daughter make breakfast for his wife on their anniversary

We're Gonna Have a Baby Telling Harry he’s gonna be a dad.

Lyrics and Melodies: AM A very smitten Harry takes Julia back to his place for drinks and more music.

Claiming His Territory Harry gets jealous when he thinks another guy fancies you, and he decides to claim his territory.

This Is Me You're Talking To You and Harry are divorced, but you both still have feelings for each other.

Meeting Harry Styles After actress Mia Tangelo meets Harry Styles at a One Direction concert, he surprises her by showing up at her film premiere.

Kiss Me Kiss Me Samantha and Harry’s story of young romance and a first kiss.

Sweat Some post-workout sex.

Saturday Night Harry needs comforting after his performance on SNL.

Live From New York Harry’s on SNL and he gets a little jealous when he thinks you’re not there for him.

Leather and Lace The night Harry sang with Stevie at the Troubadour.

I Wish That It Could Be Like That An affair with Harry has taken its toll and is no longer enough.

Faithfully Harry shares the story of how you two met and fell in love.

Running On Empty An unfortunate incident at the gym.

Sometimes It Be That Way Soon after a breakup, Lilliana met Harry…but their relationship may have been doomed from the start.

Stones T-Shirt Commenting on Harry’s Rolling Stones shirt at a party leads to going to a concert with him.

Carrot Cake Harry has something he’s been wanting to ask Y/N, but the timing is never right.

Kinda Perfect It’s a girls’ night out and Harry shows up, but you decide not to let your new friend Tiffany know that Harry is your boyfriend.

What Happens In Vegas... Your Vegas trip to celebrate your friend’s birthday turns into a night you hadn’t expected when you meet Harry Styles in the casino.

Easy Like Sunday Morning It's your last day with Harry before he leaves.

Connect Not wanting to lose their connection, Lily takes a surprise trip to see Harry.

Comfort Food Jessica, a self-proclaimed foodie, helps her classmate Harry study for their Biology test.

Her Album Harry has finished recording his album, and he wants her to hear it. [in Harry's POV]

Ruin the Friendship It’s Ella’s birthday, and her best friend Harry plans to tell her how he feels about her.

You and I Alyssa always wanted Harry, so every time he called, she was there waiting for him at the bar. But one night, things shifted between them.

Rain Rain Lexie is on her way to visit her sister, and she’s taking Harry on the road trip with her, planning to drop him off at his friend’s house for a wedding. But the weather has other plans.

That Sunday, That Summer Kelly’s roommate Bianca talks her into participating in a celebrity charity scavenger hunt that Harry Styles surprisingly attends.

Friends Don't Harry and Gabriella have been good friends for a few years. But neither of them knows the feelings the other has.

Dressing For Revenge // Part 2 Still heartbroken from finding your ex cheating on you, you go to a nightclub with your friend Kelsie, where not only do you run into your ex, but also a handsome gentleman who’s willing to help you get over him.

Kiss Me Deadly The annual Halloween party at the local pub has Y/N excited when she decides to invite her boss at the University, Mr. Styles. But she soon begins to second guess her decision when Harry starts acting odd. Is Harry Styles really who she thinks he is? Will this Halloween be a fantasy come true…or the kiss of death?

Through the Wall Harry is your handsome neighbour, and you keep hearing him through the wall.

bad idea harry styles is back from uni and he looks better than you remember. problem is, he's your ex's brother.

break up with your girlfriend, i'm bored part 2 of bad idea - after that one night with harry, you can't stop thinking about him...but things don't exactly turn out like you'd hoped.

Touch You’ve been having a hard time getting yourself off, so your roommate Harry offers a hand.

Filthy Cute You and Harry are in a secret relationship, and you get a little jealous when you think he’s flirting with your friend.

Out of Bounds After a few years of being a housewife, Tisa Jordan decided to go back to school. Hoping to find inspiration and a new direction in life, she didn’t expect to meet Harry Styles, a handsome British twenty-year-old. [39 chapters]

Cubicle I’m Harry. I have a mundane job where I sit in a cubicle all day. But things just got better because the hottest babe just started working here. And I’m determined to make her mine, even if just for one night. I’m Roni. I just started this new job, but all I can think about is the hottie in the corner cubicle. I think he likes me too. [22 chapters]

Fratboy Harry Harry Styles was a boy with a reputation, one that you couldn’t care less about. Yet one night at a frat party changed everything. [10 parts]

The Entertainer Set in the 70s, Sky Jones, a young woman from L.A., meets Harry Styles, an up-and-coming musician and frontman for the band Wildfire. Told in first person from Sky’s point of view, she shares her journey and what it’s like to fall for a rockstar. [10 parts]

Too Far From Texas Stacey Barnett is a writer and a single mother. Her hands full with two daughters (one with special needs), a newly published novel, an extroverted best friend and a controlling ex-husband, the last thing she expects is to meet an international pop star. [33 chapters]

Seven Six Five They met once seven years ago. Now music has made them cross paths again. (Real Harry x Plus Size OC, enemies to lovers) [6 parts]

Tattooed Heart You are a cocktail waitress at a swanky lounge. Harry comes in one night, and you instantly dislike him. But another encounter eventually changes your opinion. (Tattoo artist!harry x waitress y/n, enemies to lovers) [6 parts]

The Entertainer II * Updates will be sporadic * What if it wasn’t the end? What if Sky did actually see Harry at the Forum in the early 80s, and he saw her too? What if fate took hold of them both, and they realized their journey was not over? Set in 1981, Harry and Sky’s story continues with more music, more romance, and a few more twists and turns.

Wild Horses * Updates will be sporadic * Amber Crosby didn’t end up with the life she’d expected, but that didn’t keep her from following her dream. A young, up and coming country recording artist, she and her band set out to do just that. Trying to leave her past behind, it wasn’t until meeting Harry Styles that she realized just how her life could take a turn and alter her future forever.

Ko-fi (if you're feeling generous and would like to support me)

Inbox (for requests, feedback or general chat)

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bottlesofrouge · 1 year ago

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☆ on one condition ☆ masterlist ☆

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・

-ˏˋ i'll do it on one condition," harry drinks from his water glass and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. "you can't fall in love with me."

"ah, there's the harry i know," lynn flicks her crinkled straw wrapper at his face, and it lands in the middle of his salad. he frowns and tries to fish it out with his fork, but he decides he's not really that hungry anymore. "something tells me that won't be a problem." ˊˎ-

one.

two.

three.

four.

five.

six.

seven.

✰ part eight soon ✰

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thecuriousbeauty · 4 months ago

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Traitor-The Present

Chapter 2

Word count: 5,075

Warnings: Violence, gun, blood, nightmare, slight panic attack.

Author's note: Thank you for the love on Chapter one! Feedback is appreciated:) Here's the link if you've not read it: Chapter One

There was no way y/n could follow Harry around all day, he was a busy doctor. He had patients to tend to. For the time being, she didn't have a better idea except to continue meeting him at the bar.

"Have you always wanted to be a doctor?", she asks the man, clad in a lime green shirt today. He seemed like he was in better spirits than he was the previous night, so y/n took the opportunity.

"I..don't know.", Harry's eyebrows furrow, like he tried to think, and it hurt him to remember. "I know how to treat people."

"That's nice.", y/n nods. "It must be a big responsibility, having lives of people in your hands."

"I think I'm used to it.", he replies shortly. "Why are you so interested?", he looks up at her.

"Just like that.", she shrugs. "Can I not make friends? I'm new to this town."

"Why did you come here?", he asks.

"Less expenses than in the city.", y/n sighs, looking around at the bar. Girls swinging their hips on the dance floors, guys looking at them like they were a piece of meat, and lots of loud music blasting. This wasn't her scene at all.

"You don't like getting drinks.", Harry tells her, more like a statement than a question. He was observing her too.

"I don't mind the drinks, it's the whole scene I don't like. I prefer spending my free nights in my bed, with ice cream and a good novel."

Harry cracked what looked like a small smile, one of the dimples on his cheek popping, which made y/n feel warm. She cursed herself for feeling like that, before continuing with the talk. "You said you want to make friends. I'm not the right guy, y/n.", Harry says.

"Why? You're ice cold, mean and friendless? What a sad lifestyle you must lead, Doctor."

He chuckles, popping some of the fried peanuts into his mouth. "I'm not cold and mean."

"So you are friendless.", y/n concludes.

"What's the point? I don't have time for friends.", he says.

"But you need friends in your life, Harry. Friends support you through hard times, you can be yourself with them, and you can have lots of fun!"

"Friends also betray you.", he grumbles.

"Have you been betrayed be a friend or a close one?", y/n asks, trying to know if there were people he thought plotting against him and Reagen in the past.

"I don't remember.", he snaps, motioning for the bartender to fill up his drink. y/n waits for him to calm down, watching him tip the entire glass down his throat and groan.

"Whiskey's your choice of poison?", she asks, flinching. She doesn't like the burn of whiskey.

"Yes, but it's too much for someone like you. You should try something sweeter, like rum.", he says. "Old Monk rum for the lady please.", he tells the bartender.

"What do you mean by someone like you?", she raises her eyebrows at him.

"You know what I mean.", he simply says. y/n decided to come back to the topic of friends. "Do you have a best friend?"

Harry freezes again, and y/n observes the look in his eyes like he was trying to remember a painful memory. Oliver had told her that Harry was his best friend. He needed his best friend back, and she heard the suffering in his voice when he told her that. "N-No..no, I don't think so, I don't know. I have memory issues, I don't remember a lot of stuff."

y/n nods. "That's okay. Well, I can be your best friend. I mean, I can start by being your friend and then we can see how it goes."

Harry smirks. "You really want to be my friend, don't you?"

"Be grateful I'm taking pity on you, Mr. Friendless mysterious guy.", y/n replies, and Harry laughs. y/n smiles. So he does remember how to laugh.

The bartender keeps her drink in front of her. "I've never tried this before.", y/n says, looking at the dark, sweet smelling liquid.

"You'll like it.", Harry says confidently. "Trust your new friend's drink choosing ability."

y/n grins and tries it. The liquid drink went down smooth, leaving her mouth refreshing and quenching for more. It had almost a dehydrated berry taste to it, which she really loved. She also felt the slight warmth of the alcohol.

"I do like it.", she decides, taking another sip. "How did you know?"

"Just like that.", he shrugs, imitating her from their conversation earlier, and she smiled, liking him more as she got to know him a little. "Oh and by the way you agreed to us being friends.", she adds, in case he let it slip by accident.

"Just friends, y/n?", he gets up after stuffing some cash inside the book the bill came in. y/n sits there thinking about what he said, and he gives her a small wave. "I'm gonna get to bed, see you around."

Harry leaves the bar, leaving y/n pondering. Did he want something more than friendship with her? She couldn't deny that she wasn't attracted to the man, but she couldn't take advantage of him like that. She was already feeling bad for befriending him for someone else. She was only using him and he didn't know that. She decided that she wouldn't let her feelings grow. Yes, he was handsome, and it was natural to get attracted, but she wasn't going to let anything else happen between them.

______________________________________________________

The painting was gorgeous. It as crafted with such bright tones, and beautiful color bleding. y/n had poured all of her emotion into it. It was piece she didn't look at very often. She didn't keep it for sale either. It was personal.

The woman in the painting was made of a mix of colors. Her eyes were standing out behind wide framed glasses, and she wore an intriguing and knowing smirk on her lips. Her hair fell down in blunt bangs over her forehead and framed her oval face.

"This is beautiful.", Harry speaks. "You paint more of landscapes, who is this woman?"

y/n sucks in a breath, approaching a sensitive topic. "I don't know..I think it's my mom. I remember how she looked like..but my Uncle Luke said my parents left me when I was little."

Harry tears his eyes away from the painting, looking at her. "I'm sorry. You haven't tried to contact them?"

y/n shakes her head. "I've thought about it, but I don't know if I can take whatever the truth is. And I'm happy with my Uncle."

Harry nods, looking at the other paintings. "Can I buy it?"

"Sure, which one?"

"All of it?"

"All of it!?"

"I have a new flat, it's empty.", Harry says flatly, like it was obvious. "This would look nice on the walls."

"But all of them is going to look like an art gallery and less of a flat, Harry. Um let's select a few out, okay?", y/n says, and Harry nods. "I'll have to see what your flat looks like, to know what matches."

y/n wanted to see if she can get her hands on any pictures, any files, or anything that can point out to his past life.

"Fine, let's have tea at my place.", Harry agrees and she smiles, nodding. "See, you're getting the hang of things for someone who hasn't had friends before."

Harry only gave the girl a small smile, continuing to look around her studio.

Harry's flat was huge. Two bedrooms, a big kitchen with a patio, a beautiful balcony overlooking the small town. It was neutral themed, the colors brown and cream. Harry makes them tea, and brings out some cookies as they sit on the couch.

"For looks like yours, you had to have been in love at least once.", Stella says, and Harry keeps his cup of tea down. "Maybe. Don't remember. Are you saying I'm handsome?"

y/n bites her lip as Harry smirks. "I didn't say that. You may be good looking, that's all."

"Sure, whatever you say."

"She must have been lucky, whoever the girl was.", y/n tries to get it out of him. Come on, please remember something so I know you really are the person Romania told me about.

Harry sighs, bringing his hand to his forehead like he had a headache. "I-I..I don't believe in it."

"Believe in love?", y/n asks, and he nods, bringing his hand back and looking at her with those beautiful eyes. "Do you believe in love y/n?"

y/n nods. "Of course. Love is like this overwhelming sentiment that keeps you up all night and makes you feel like a little child waiting for Christmas day. The feeling of having a soulmate and a place you can really call home, that sounds promising."

Harry's eyes ran over soft features, as he spoke, "You sound like you have been in love."

y/n laughs, biting into a cookie. "Nah, me? I talk too much, and I'm weird. Who would want to love me?"

"There might be someone.", Harry whispers softly, but not soft enough so y/n couldn't hear it.

__________________________________________

"I'm not sure if he is the man you're looking for.", y/n tells Romania on the phone. "He doesn't remember anything about his past, and he's such a sweet guy! He's a doctor who saves lives for god sake, he's not your mafia boss!"

"He's had you fooled by his charm, Miss y/l/n.", Romania huffs. "The reason he remained our secret weapon was because of how easily he could blend in. Do not fall for his charm, it's all an act."

"I think he really doesn't remember, Romania.", y/n twirls a strand of her hair around her finger, worried about what she has to do.

"He does, y/n. I have to believe he does, for his own good.", Romania sighs. "Or we have to kill him."

y/n's hand freezes over the phone. "K-Kill him?"

"Yes, he's a threat to our opponents. He knows too much. If they get to him first..", Romania drawls off. "You won't understand, y/n, just know that he is very important. You are our last hope. If you cannot prove that he remembers, then we will kill him. At least he'll get to be with Reagen then."

"Y-You can't kill him.", y/n whispers, her heart beating fast. What did she agree to? She made a deal with people capable of killing a poor man?

"Then do your job, y/n. I'm sending another fifty thousand to your account. Update me soon." Romania hung up with that, and y/n sat down heavily, hand on her forehead. She has to find a way to break into his shell. She doesn't want to be responsible for the death of a man.

__________________________________________________________

Broken windows. Blood covering the pieces of glass. Someone held a gun to her forehead, the face unclear. The wind was strong, piercing her skin. Then she heard the trigger being pulled and a shot being fired.

y/n wakes up with a gasp, her body sweating under the linen sheets. She closes her eyes, pressing a hand to her heart in relief. It was just a dream. The same dream she keeps having. Uncle Luke had told her to stop watching and reading mystery. This was the consequence.

Her thoughts went to Harry as she pours herself some water. She wasn't even supposed to ask questions to Romania. There were so many questions she had. About his line of work, about his family, about why the opponents had stayed away from him so far, and most importantly, about Reagen. How did they meet? How was their relationship? Were they going to get married?

So many questions she couldn't have the answers to.

The next morning, her Uncle Luke wanted to go on a walk, so she went with him. "Boy troubles.", Uncle Luke observes. "Who is it?"

"It's no one.", y/n dismisses it, feet trudging over the fallen autumn leaves. She didn't like the town, but she couldn't help but admit it was pretty. Full of trees.

"Really?", Uncle Luke teases and she sighs, giving up. "It's just Harry."

"Who's Harry?"

Her uncle had forgotten all about her side job, and the mysterious guy she was spying on. y/n cooked up a story about a customer named Harry to make Uncle Luke happy. She would do anything for him.

She fixed up some breakfast for him before rushing to the cafe. She was running a little late. She got to her painting. Then sat at a table, eating a lovely sugary custard pastry and drinking her ice lemon mint tea while she had a break.

"Do you always eat so much sugar?"

She looked up surprised to see Harry. "It's not good for your health.", he says, before sitting down across from her. "After you shove the sugary cereal down your throat for breakfast, you have this as your everyday snack?"

"Woah, don't go Doctor mode on me.", y/n laughs, continuing to enjoy her pastry. "But it's so good, and this is the only time I'm relaxing, so let me have my pastry, okay?"

"Suit yourself.", Harry eyes it with disgust.

"Aren't you supposed to be at the hospital?", y/n asks him.

"It's my day off.", he answers, eyes moving to her lips as he watched her tongue peek out to clean up the little bits of custard. "Thought to spend it with my friend."

"Ahh.", y/n smiles. "How do you wanna spend it then?"

"Someone once told me it's fun to have ice cream and watch a movie. Show me how it's fun."

"Is that a challenge?", y/n grins, quickly downing the rest of her drink.

"Sure.", Harry gives her a signature smirk, before he leaned forward to bring his hand up to her face. His hand rests on her cheek as his thumb gently rubs away a bit of custard on the side of her mouth. y/n felt goosebumps on her skin as he touched her, and their eyes meet. y/n gets lost in the depth of Harry's eyes. She saw something she hadn't seen before.

Pain.

Harry quickly pulled away and y/n grabbed a tissue. "Give me a minute.", she told him, and he nodded, waiting for her. y/n had done her paintings for the day, and she signed out of the cafe.

They went to the grocery store to pick up some goods, all while talking happily like friends. Harry was lowering the guard he had up, and although that made y/n happy, it made her guilty at the same time. He thought she was his friend. He was trusting her.

And what was she doing?

She was using his friendship to get out some information that she doesn't care about, out of him so she can get the rest of her money from the deal and lead her life.

A man lurking behind them caught y/n's attention in the grocery store. She ushered them to the next aisle, and she saw another man at the end of it. Both of them were looking at Harry like he was their worst enemy.

y/n remembered what Romania had told her about their opponents.

"Harry, let's get out of here.", y/n keeps her hand on his arm, feeling the urge to protect him. He did not deserve this. He didn't even know who he is.

"Wait, we didn't get the kind of noodles you like-"

"-This will do." y/n puts one of the instant ramen packets into their trolley, staring back at the men hoping they'll back off. "Come on."

Harry follows her with the trolley, oblivious to the men watching him. He offered to pay, and y/n quickly gets them back into her car.

"Why were you rushing?", Harry asks.

"I um..I have to pee!"

"There was a restroom inside.", Harry points out.

"Yes I'm scared of urinary tract infections, yeast infections especially, they're so nasty, have you seen the pictures? I'm scared of using public toilets.", she lies, and rambles on.

Harry looked at her for a second, before doubling over and laughing. y/n smiled sheepishly, adoration filling her as she watched him laugh. That laugh did things to her.

"Well okay let's go then, you have to pee!", he says, and they both laugh as y/n pulls out of the parking lot, missing the two men staring at them from a distance.

_____________________________________

y/n watches Harry as he immerses in the movie, watching it with interest. They had obviously decided on a crime thriller. She had seen before, and she was more interested in studying the tall man beside her, lounging in his sweatpants, curled up on his couch.

"You're right, I should do this more often.", Harry mumbles, leaning back and stealing a glance at y/n. "You sleepy?"

y/n was a little sleepy with the lack of sleep last night, but she shakes her head, rubbing her eyes. "Not at all!"

A mountain of blankets and half eaten snacks rested on the coffee table in front of them, and she knew she probably wouldn't make it through the whole movie but she had to.

"Did you go to a doctor about your memory issues?", y/n decides to bite, and Harry heard her, but he still asks, "Sorry?"

"You have memory issues, you can't remember a lot of things. Have you seen a doctor about that?"

Harry pauses the movie. "No. It won't help."

"Why not?"

"I've tried taking medicine, it won't come back. I lost those memories for a reason y/n, I don't want to bring them back. Just like how you don't want to reach out to your parents.", Harry answers, jaw clenching. "I have a good life here. I'm happy."

"Are you though?", y/n leans forward to him. "Are you really happy, Harry?"

Harry remained quiet, studying her face. "It doesn't matter."

"It does! I wish to see you happy. If we can get your past behind you, maybe you can-"

"-I'm already behind it. I don't know what happened in the past, and I don't care. Can we just watch the movie?"

y/n sighed in defeat, but nodded, curling back on the other side of the couch as Harry presses play on the movie. How the hell was she going to get him to remember who he was?

y/n can't fight of the sleep for too long. Harry sees her dozing off, and a fond smile coats his lips as he looks at her. He wanted to carry her to bed, where she could sleep more comfortably but he figured he wouldn't without her permission. Instead, he went to his room to get his blanket and tucked it around her small frame.

He hated anyone in his personal space, but this was y/n. He could make an exception. Hell, he had already invited her into his house.

y/n mumbles incoherently in her sleep, and Harry coots closer to her, keeping a hand on her arm, in case she was having a bad dream, and continued to watch the movie.

y/n saw the same dream again. Blood. Broken window. Glass. Gun.

Harry frowned as her serene, peaceful face split into a disturbed one. Her eyebrows scrunching, and her legs tucking underneath her chin. She began to shake lightly.

"y/n.", Harry shakes her awake gently.

y/n runs in her dream, away from the gun, but the shot is still fired from the gun. Before she could see who was injured, she jolts awake.

Her scared eyes meet Harry's. "Hey, it's okay, you're in my flat, we were watching a movie and you fell asleep.", Harry strokes some of her hair back from her forehead as she looks at him, like she wanted reassurance that she's safe.

Harry doesn't hesitate before pulling her into his lap, wrapping his muscular strong arms around her, and tucking her head into his chest. "Shh..it's okay, you're okay. It was just a dream."

He felt a strong emotion to kill anyone or anything that caused y/n to get so scared. He knew it was in her dream, but he hated the thought of y/n being hurt. She was so delicate, so sweet, he had to protect her.

"H-Harry?", y/n whispers into his chest, her arms tightening around his body.

"Yes?", Harry whispers back, continuing to stroke her hair to soothe her.

"I'm sorry.", she sniffles, and he gets confused. Was she apologizing for having a bad dream? He had a feeling it was for something else. Either way, she was shaken up and his job was to get her to relax and make her feel okay.

"Don't be, sunshine. I got you."

______________________________________________________

y/n felt horrible. She felt like a monster. Here there was a man who comforted her when she was scared, and on the other hand, what was she doing? She was just doing her task. She would eventually throw him to Romania like he was a piece of meat. y/n felt like electricity was coursing through her veins when Harry's hands smoothed over her body and her hair, calming her down. He scooped her into his lap with no effort, and Stella felt safe.

She felt safe like she never had before. She wanted to stay in his arms forever and forget everything else that happened. She wished she'd met this man before all the Romania and money crap. She wanted to call her and tell her she couldn't do it anymore, but she couldn't back away now. Harry is not showing any signs of who he was five years ago. If he really is that person, then y/n needs to bring his memories back. His friends, or a family y/n doesn't know about, they need him.

She apologized to him, said that she's sorry for hurting him and doing this to him, but he thought she was worrying about her dream scare. If only he knew the truth.

Then there was what he called her. He called her sunshine. It sounded so sweet, and she wishes he calls her that again. y/n could no longer deny it. She had feelings for Harry, and the feelings kept growing.

One week. It has been seven days since she started her task. She has only three more weeks to get Harry to open up. She has to gain his trust first. Yes, he's letting her into his house, he's getting comfortable around her, but she has to gain his full trust.

"Here you go, chicken alfredo. You need some real food after all that ice cream.", Harry smiles as he serves the pasta he just made into two plates.

"I didn't know you could cook.", y/n says impressed as she sits on the chair.

"How could you? You've never had my food before. Now you know.", Harry answers, sitting beside her with his plate. He watched her as she tastes it. y/n let the creamy pasta satisfy her taste buds, and the flavorful bite of the chicken was amazing.

"It's so good.", she hums. "You're multi talented. Any other hobbies? Secret gamer? Guitarist? Cyber hacking? Gold smuggler?" y/n waits for his response to the last two.

Harry chuckles, eating his own pasta. "Gold smuggler?"

"I don't know, mystery guy. You tell me.", y/n says playfully.

"Not that I know of. But that would be an interesting secret hobby, wouldn't it y/n?", he asks, giving her a look. What was that look? Was it a knowing look? Was he teasing her? Was he hiding?

"I guess, y-yeah.", y/n replies shortly.

If he is hiding, he's doing a very good job of it. He remembers everything, he's putting up an act, a mask. Romania's words lingered in y/n's brain.

"I do play the guitar. How did you know?", he asks, pouring some water into both of their glasses.

"Your fingers are calloused.", y/n states her observation.

"Observant, I see.", Harry nods impressed. "You ask so much about me. What are your interests besides painting and reading thriller novels?"

y/n laughs. "Watching thriller movies." Harry rolls his eyes, and she grins. "Okay. Um..I don't really know, I don't get time Harry."

"You should explore yourself some more.", he mumbles.

"Oh? Says Mr. Always Busy Doctor."

He shrugs, and y/n looks at her phone as it rings. It was her Uncle Luke.

"Sorry, gotta take this.", she excuses herself, and Harry nods, twirling the pasta around his fork.

"Uncle Luke?", y/n answers, and hears panting on the other line. "W-Where am I?"

She keeps her fork down, fear creeping up. "You're at home, Uncle Luke, everything okay? Did you go out somewhere?"

"y/n..w-where are you?", her uncle's voice came out in a whimper and she stands up immediately. Harry looks at her with a frown.

"I'm at a friend's house, I'll come over now, okay? Don't worry, you're at home. Look around, what do you see?", she replies calmly, even though she was freaking out.

"S-Stairs..p-pictures on the walls. Of us."

y/n sighs in relief. He is at home. "Yes, it's safe, Uncle Luke. You're at home, okay? I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Come soon..sweetheart.", he whispered, and y/n feels her heart break at his small voice. "I will. I love you."

She stuffs her phone into her pocket and looks at Harry. "I'm sorry I have to go, my uncle needs me."

"I'll come with you.", Harry was already putting away their plates.

"No, Harry, it's okay..my place is small and it's a mess and..you don't wanna be there.", y/n says embarrassed.

"y/n, I didn't always have a flat like this. I used to live on the streets for a few months. Then someone who said they know me came and told me that I'm a Doctor. I managed to get my license back, and everything worked out. I know what it's like, okay?" Harry squeezes her shoulder gently.

y/n quickly stored in her brain the information he had shared. Then she felt bad. He told her because he thought she was his friend.

"Okay, come with me.", she agrees. Harry and y/n leave Zach's flat, and it's a twenty minute drive to y/n's place.

"Your uncle..", Harry drawls, waiting for her to complete.

"Alzheimer's.", she answers, and Harry nods understanding. They didn't talk on the way. y/n was worried, and Harry wasn't used to starting conversations.

When she got home, y/n runs to her Uncle who was sitting at the end of the stairs. "D-Did you fall?", she gasps, seeing him clutch his foot like he was in pain.

"Y-Yes.", Uncle Luke nods, arms leaning to pull his niece into a hug. "y/n. Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, Uncle, shh..", y/n assures, holding him tight and feeling guilty. She had left him alone and he fell. "Y-You didn't fall down all the stairs, did you?"

"No I tripped on the last few.", he answers. "I think my balance is off. I'm okay I think..I just needed to see you."

y/n nods, kissing his cheek. "It's okay, I told you that you can always call me. I'm glad you did." She looks over him to see if he was injured.

"W-Who's this young man?", Uncle Luke looks up at Harry who was silently watching their exchange.

"He's Harry, I told you about him, remember?"

y/n looks back at Harry, who was looking at her uncle with an expression she couldn't read. Uncle Luke nods at him. "Sorry our first meeting is like this."

"I don't mind.", Harry leans down to help him stand up. y/n took one arm and Harry the other, Uncle Luke was brought back on his feet.

"Does your ankle hurt?", y/n notices as he winces, and he nods.

"I can take a look.", Harry says. "Let's get him to bed."

They got Uncle Luke back to his room, and y/n makes him drink some water. Harry sat on the edge of the bed and his fingertips ran over Uncle Luke's ankle as he examined it. Harry did his prodding, checked the movement on the ankle, and observed that there was no swelling, but a purplish bruise forming. He did not feel any broken bones.

"It's a small sprain.", he tells them. "You have a crepe bandage, y/n?It should be there in a first aid kit."

"I think so, let me see.", y/n says, and goes to the cupboard near the sink where she keeps basic first aid.

Uncle Luke stares at Harry, making sure his niece is gone, before spitting out, "What are you doing with y/n?"

"We're friends.", Harry answers patiently, although he did not like the tone Uncle Luke spoke in.

"Don't you dare get close to my niece. I know all about you, Harry Styles.", Uncle Luke uses his full name, and Harry did not even know that that was his full name. He's used to people coming up to him and calling him that, then they threaten him and go away.

"Do tell me, cause I don't remember.", Harry says, and Uncle Luke grabs his collar with an iron grip. A weak man like him shouldn't be this strong, Harry notes.

"You think you're smart, don't you? Doctor Turner, huh? We're just waiting for the right time. You killed my family. I will watch you being burned down to the ground, Styles."

"What the hell are you talking about?", Harry exclaims, trying to get his hand off of him.

"Oh my god. Uncle Luke, stop!", y/n rushes over, and Uncle Luke lets him go, his face full of hatred and anger. "I'm so sorry Harry!", she says to him apologetically.

"It's okay.", Harry tells her, staring at her uncle. "Illness does it."

y/n nods, rubbing her Uncle's arms, calming him down. "I'm here, Uncle. Harry's my friend, it's okay."

He didn't answer, just kept looking at Harry as he wrapped his injured ankle up. "Keep it elevated, ice pack on and off. It should be fine in two days.", he said when he was done, and left the room.

"I'll be right back.", y/n tells her uncle, before running behind Harry.

"Harry!"

Harry pauses near the door. "I'm so sorry, I don't know what got into him.", y/n grabs his hand to stop him from storming out. Harry nods, a little shaken up with what her uncle had said. You killed my family.

Harry was a Doctor. He saved people, he didn't kill them. He knew her uncle was sick, but the fire in his eyes when he looked at him? He couldn't shake it away.

"He's turning delusional, I'll make an appointment with his doctor for tomorrow.", y/n shakes her head, stressed about what to do. Harry thought she had too much of stress in her life. He could see the dark circles under her eyes due to the lack of sleep. He wanted to ask her about it, but now wasn't the time.

"I-I have to go, y/n", Harry tells her, and y/n nods, standing on her tip toes to plant a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you for your help. You're a good man, Harry."

Was he?

Harry's fingers went to his cheek where she had kissed him as he stepped outside the door. Her touch made him feel less anxious. He hoped it would leave him calm enough to get some sleep tonight. His thoughts shifted to the girl who came into his life just a week ago. She was perfect. He had a chance to make things different from last time.

After all, she's his to ruin, isn't she?

140 notes · View notes

writingsfromhome · 8 months ago

Text

Dos and Don’ts II

A/N: the story kinda got away from me so it’s getting a part 3. Would love to know what you think of the characters/choices!

Part 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

—————————————————

It’s a beautiful morning; the late summer heat is right around the hour but for now the morning clouds keeps the city cool. I’m sat at Harry’s dinner table with stacks of paper around me, sorting out paperwork whilst on hold with a private venue he was playing in the fall to sort out some details his manager asked me for.

I had become good at my job, multitasking like a pro and not having to leave the room to make a call. After all, it had been nearly half a year of this.

And yet, my relationship with Harry Styles had stayed the same. Sometimes it felt like it got worse.

My other relationships, in the rest of my life, had definitely gotten worse.

“Riley just called said he’s sent over some prints I bought for the bedroom,” Harry pops into the room. “Can you call someone to put them up?”

“Yeah, where do you want them?” I get up so he can show me.

“Somewhere that looks good in there,” he waves his hand. “It’s pictures of me.”

“Of course they are,” I know how big-headed he could be. “Above the bed?”

“Hm,” he heads off to the bedroom so I follow. He examines each wall of his bedroom which was pretty neutral and relaxing to be in. “Why not? Yeah. Above the bed’s good.”

“Great.” With that I head back to my makeshift office.

I wondered why Riley didn’t message me directly about the prints considering we avoided getting Harry involved in these minor decisions.

Maybe I’d ask him tonight. We were having drinks—we tried a bunch of times to get together seeing we were “coworkers” but our timing rarely worked out. Since Gray was out of town the next two nights I’d reached out to Riley.

Evening comes quicker while I’m still buried behind paper. I start tidying up after 7.

“Going home?” Harry asks. He’d been out most of the day at voice lessons.

“Yes, your dinner’s in the oven and Roy said he left cocktails in the fridge.”

“Lovely Roy,” Harry rubs his hands together. “He makes the best drinks.”

I smile and go back to work.

“There’s enough for two,” he calls with his head in the fridge. “You want to join?”

Of course the one night Harry asks me to join him personally—a time I could use to get on his good side, I’m going out.

“I’m actually heading out for drinks myself.” He’s already placed the jug on the marble countertop.

“Oh.” He freezes awkwardly. “With your fiancé?”

“No,” for some reason I feel flustered at his mention of Gray. “With Riley actually. We’ve been meaning to get together for drinks since…I started. Wow. That’s been a long time.”

“Riley,” Harry purses his lips. “Does your fiancé know?”

“It’s a friendly drink,” I feel my temper flare. “I don’t need to report to my fiance.”

“If my fiancé was going out to drinks with a man with loose hands, I’d worry.”

“Well it’s a good thing we’re not engaged,” I mouth off before I can stop myself. He raises a brow and the single movement has me backpedaling. I was such a coward. “So you don’t have to worry.”

“Y/n you get away with a lot but I’d remember who’s working for who.”

I clench my teeth. Just seconds ago he was inviting me for a drink and now I’ve dug myself a grave. I couldn’t be stopped.

I grab my bag and head to the elevator.

“Don’t turn your back on him once he’s got a few drinks in.” Harry calls out.

Asshole, I think.

***

God, Riley talked a lot. He’s got 3 drinks to my 1.5 and really got the gift of the gab.

That is until he starts asking me about Harry.

“Do you find him hot? He’s kind of a lady’s man yeah?”

“Oh yeah,” I laugh. “Got ‘em all lined up.”

“And you?” He asks casually. “Has he got you yet?”

“Riley! I’m engaged,” I flash my ring.

“Didn’t stop the last girl,” he mutters.

“What? What’s that mean?”

“Nothing.”

“Tell me,” I poke him, knowing he wanted to talk about it anyway.

“Just that the last PA he had for…less than a year? She had a boyfriend and everything but one time I pop in early to set up for this masseuse right—I’m there and I hear someone in the bedroom with him. No big deal whatever. Then Harry comes out and he’s fuming just seeing me. Tells me to get out and leave the rest, that I should have called him. All this shite. And then I see her jacket, she wore a very specific jacket, and her shoes off the way. He was angry cuz I caught them.”

“Woah,” I think about the way Harry treats me. “Well I don’t have to worry about that. He can be a right dick with me.”

“He can come off that way. Until you get to know him. Well. He used to be nicer. It’s changed a bit since I started.”

“How long?” I ask, curious.

“Uhh I was his PA for a year and now this for one and a half?”

“Wow. That’s a long time.”

“I know. Too long. Well, big things are coming for me I can feel it. How about you? Are you staying long? I hear the way he talks to you, I don’t know how you put up with it.”

I thought he talked to all his PAs that way. Maybe he was different when Riley was his. Of maybe it was that Riley was a guy. Maybe the fame got to his head. “Uhm. I want to stick around for at least a year. What do you mean the way he talks to me?”

“He’s rude.” Riley runs his hand through his hair. “Don’t you find him rude? You’re surprisingly…graceful, but he’s always bossing you around and then ignoring you.”

I feel a pit in my stomach. So I wasn’t imagining it. “I thought that’s just the way he is.”

“No, you should have met him a couple years ago. A really cool guy. He taught me a lot.” Riley suddenly sobers as he looks off into the distance. “I grew a lot with him. I’m thankful for that y’know?”

“Right,” I nod. “Yeah. I dunno. I’m hoping to learn a lot here.”

“Well if you want to stay connected, keep my number. When you wanna jump ship just let me know.”

I’m surprised Riley is talking so openly about helping me leave. I would have thought he was a Harry die-hard.

“Yeah. Hey are you the one that’s created all those notes on the phone? They’ve been a life saver.”

“Notes? Oh the lists. I made them when I was his PA. I don’t know if the last girl updated any…”

I think of the snarky additions. She definitely did.

“Well I owe you my first-born because without them I’m pretty sure I would have been fired.”

“No you wouldn’t have,” he smirks.

“Uh yeah, I forgot to bring his bloody tablet to the studio the first day. He was so mad.”

“He wouldn’t fire you y/n,” he cocks his head to the side. “Not with the way I see it.”

“Huh?” I ask but Riley’s turned to the bar to ask for another drink.

I excuse myself and freshen up, checking my phone for messages. Gray’s sent me a picture of his hotel view and I send him a quick text back. I wish he was here. Maybe it was time I got home, I was starting to feel tired.

“I’m thinking of heading home,” I tell Riley when I get back.

“Now?” He looks at his watch. “Night’s still young y/l/n.”

“I’ve been up since 6 I’m dead.”

“Fine, I’ll walk you outside.” Riley knocks back half his drink and stands, swaying slightly. I put my hand out to steady him and he smiles down at me.

The pub is crowded as we walk past people, shoulders brushing against strangers. It takes me a second to feel the hand on my back sliding down to my ass.

I whip around to chew out whichever stranger thought he could get a grope but the only person behind me is Riley with a cocky smile.

“You alright? Let’s keep going.”

I can hear the blood pumping in my ears and I stumble back, Harry’s words echoing in my ear.

“I’m alright.” I try to put distance between us. “I’ll walk myself out you should look after your drink.”

“Nah c’mon,” he reaches for me again and I inch back.

“I said I’m okay,” I know my voice comes out harsh due to the fear coursing through my body. But I don’t care.

“Bloody hell alright then,” Riley shrugs. “Night y/n.”

I wait for him to turn and leave before I get out of there. The night air cools down the flush in my cheeks but I can’t get my heart to stop racing. Harry was right and for some reason it makes me angry at him. I’m furious.

All these men just made me feel small and confused all the time. Is that what I had to accept working in this industry? Was I just naïve for thinking things could be decent? That people could be decent?

I wish more than ever that Grayson was here. I imagine him on his own in another city. Then I imagine him alone, at home, while I’m working all the time. It felt like we were on a piece of ice drifting through the ocean and the middle was cracking leaving us to drift alone. My heart feels like it’s cracking with it.

I call Gray on the ride home just to see his face. I listen to him talk about his day and slowly my grip on the anger loosens. Slowly with his voice in my ear, I come back down to earth.

***

It’s a couple weeks after the Riley incident. I’d come into work the next day and managed to ignore Harry for most of it just like he did me.

Today I’m back at the dining table waiting for Harry’s publicist to call me to take me through what was left for this upcoming weekend for a small awards show Harry had been nominated in that was happening Sunday. Riley would be on the call too, the first time I’d seen him since that night. I just hoped my pokerface was good enough to move on past any awkwardness.

“Let me get your thoughts on this,” Harry sits down across from me with a yoghurt. He’d just come from the gym and seeing him shirtless now was just another Thursday afternoon.

He’d taken to using me as a soundboard lately which started out interesting and got old quickly. He loved to hear himself talk, I’ve concluded. And I was forced to listen. And he always lied. He never wanted my thoughts on anything, just an ego stroke.

And just like usual he launches into a song he’s working on and something about string progression and inversion. I nod along until my phone rings and I pick it up instantly.

Graham and I speak about the details of event and I reassure him everything would run smoothly. When I’m done Harry’s nearly done the smoothie he grabbed while I was on the phone.

“Austria tomorrow, everything’s prepped?”

“Yep, for you.”

“Not for you?”

“I have the rest of the week off?” I remind him just like I’d been doing for the last two weeks. So this wouldn’t happen.

“You do? I thought that was next week. What am I gonna do without you there it’s 4 days.”

“I reckon you’ll survive,” I say with a light tone but I’ve learned the art of backhanded jokes. It felt like the only way to get some of my aggression out. “Plus Riley’s joining you Saturday afternoon.”

“So I’ll be alone on Friday?”

I look up from my laptop, “Are you ever really alone?”

“I guess I’ll just have to invite one of my girls to keep me company,” he continues watching me. “Keep my bed warm.”

“If you’d like,” I hated when he tried to make me uncomfortable. “Let me know which one and I can cut her a ticket.”

He clenches his jaw and levels me with an irritated look. “I’m sure Vienna has many beautiful people to choose from.”

Ignore ignore ignore. I go back to my screen and leave him on heard.

***

“It’s been too long,” Gray clinks his glass with mine. It’s Friday night and we’re having an early anniversary celebration.

This whole weekend I promised Gray I would be his from Friday though Sunday even though our actual anniversary was on Monday.

Our relationship that was once so strong, supportive, and loving had started treading rocky grounds. I felt jostled and very close to being kicked right off the ride altogether.

I look at my fiancé’s face, his dark features and serious looks made him look intimidating but a flicker of his smile and you felt like you were on the ins with him about something. I had missed him.

The last time we did anything together was at the beginning of summer. I had a long weekend off and he’d driven us to lake district, soaking in the sun and hiking along the peaks. We’d had a serious conversation about our relationship but a lot of it had felt like me apologizing and him accusing.

“You look radiant,” Gray reaches for my hand. “How are you?”

I didn’t think he wanted the real answer. I hold back a sigh and replace it with a smile, “Alright. Better now to be with you.”

He kisses the back of my hand and my stomach flutters. “Me too. I’m excited for this weekend.”

“Let’s see we’re seeing friends tomorrow for brunch, then doing old school movies and dinner in the evening.”

“That was one of our first dates don’t make fun.”

“I’m not! It’s a classic I’m excited. It’s been so long since I saw a movie with you.”

With Harry, I’d seen a few. I was always told to tag along on premieres Riley passed on.

“And Sunday we’re just being lazy bed bugs.”

“Mmm that sounds amazing.” I could use a day in bed. A week in bed would be even better.

The night is perfect and romantic and it soothes the heartache I’d been carrying, the guilt that I was killing my relationship. Gray is attentive and we laugh like we always did.

I don’t mention work. It makes me anxious knowing I had to put the biggest part of my life on mute in order to keep the good vibes going with Gray.

Saturday brunch brings me back to life. I’d missed our friends and catching up on their lives, all the chatter and the laughter. Gray keeps reaching for me at the table and I feel like I belong.

“So how’s the tyrant?” My friends had started calling Harry that since he always kept me from most of our social outings.

“The usual,” I try to keep it short for Gray’s sake.

“Grayson was complaining that you spend more time with him than your actual fiancé!”

“Is that so?” I turn to Gray with a teasing expression but he’s serious.

“I wouldn’t have helped her with the job if I knew,” Gray jokes when I nudge him. The table laughs but I fake it, knowing the kernel of truth in it.

“He can’t be all that bad?” Another friend asks.

“Nope. Pretty consistently bad,” I tell them. “I’m just telling myself it’s vital experience. It’s the only thing that helps me sleep.”

“When she sleeps at all,” Gray slips in another passive joke and I try to distance myself from it.

“Just wait, in a couple years I’ll be living my best life.” I raise my glass.

“To y/n’s best life,” the table cheers.

On the walk home from brunch Gray and I swing hands in between us. I want to bring up his passive comments but it feels stuck in my throat. His hand feels like lead in mine.

“Gray-“

“I’m sorry. I got a bit salty at brunch,” Gray admits. I nearly deflate completely with the sigh that comes out of me.

“That’s okay,” I kiss his cheek. His hand feels like an extension of mine again. “I know there’s a lot of things we don’t talk about, I know my job doesn’t make you happy. But I appreciate that you still support me and keep the peace even when I can be a bit of a dick sometimes.”

“Hey,” Gray stops and tugs me to him. “I love you. Nothing changes that.”

“I love you too,” he kisses me with the same passion he did last night, our first intimate night after a couple months. With the urgency in his kiss I can tell it wouldn’t be another couple until the next.

***

We get back in around 8 and I happily kick off the dress and boots I wore to dinner to snuggle in my pjs. I watch Gray remove his contacts as I comb through my hair.

“I still can’t believe that ending,” Gray says to me in the mirror.

“Same, I feel like everyone’s kept it so hush I didn’t even know there was going to be a plot twist!”

“I kind of saw it coming-“

“You did not!” I flick Gray. “Why do guys love to brag about seeing a movie ending coming.”

“It’s our roman empire,” he grins.

“You’re using that in the wrong context,” I roll my eyes. “Josie would be so disappointed. Oh I didn’t even turn my phone back on after the movie, Josie had texted me something.”

“Just leave it,” Gray calls out as I go back into the room to get my purse. “Let’s keep our phones off, stay unplugged tonight.”

“Too late,” I grin as my phone powers on already.

I know Gray stayed nervous about any call I got during our down time because he always thought it was Harry. To be honest I was surprised he hadn’t bothered me more than asking for a password yesterday.

As my services connect my phone vibrates with a dozen oncoming messages.

“Y/n,” I hear Grayson say in warning but my eyes stay glued to the screen that flicker with notifications.

I look up once they settle, my eyes are as wide as saucers and Gray’s watch me through the mirror, heavy and resigned.

“Please, ignore it,” Gray pleads just once.

“I just…I need to know what it’s about.” I plead back.

“It’s going to spiral,” he warns. “You can’t just look y/n you’re gonna get involved.”

“What if it’s an emergency? He wouldn’t message like this unless it’s an emergency!”

“Like the documents on Josie’s birthday? Or the hospital appointment that one bank holiday? Or his empty fridge on-“

“I get it. But Gray I have 14 notifications. And it’s from his manager too it’s gotta be an-“

“You have a life y/n!” Gray turns around quick like a pistol whip, I stumble back into the doorframe. “He has other people in his life other than you they can figure it out! Why do you keep putting your job, this man, before me? Before us?!”

“I’m not trying to! I’m not!” I stutter.

“What’s the worst case scenario huh? He tries you, and you don’t answer because you’re off. And he’ll find someone else to help—those type always have someone else.”

“You don’t get it-“

“I get it.” Gray lowers his volume. He looks around for his glasses and slides them on. “I get it clearly. You’re just scared you’re replaceable to Harry Styles.”

His words stun me a little. All I can do is watch as he puts on jeans and grabs his phone.

“Do you ever wonder who else in your life’s replaceable?” Gray says before he slams our door shut.

I sink back and my mind races with everything Grayson just said. I was awful, he must feel even more awful and I-

My phone vibrates. Jeff.

“H-hi?” I answer.

“What the fuck y/n! I’ve been trying to reach you for the last 2 hours-“

“My phone was off-“

“Have you even gotten any of the messages we’ve left you-“

“I’m not working today-“

“Obviously,” He cuts me off for the hundredth time. “Harry’s in Vienna alone with god knows who!”

I don’t point out the contradiction in his sentence.

“Isn’t Riley supposed to be with him?”

“Riley quit.”

“What?! When?”

“Today. Apparently the sneak’s been cozying up with one of Harry’s supposed friends. He’s left us high and dry!”

“Is that why you’re calling me?” My confusion grows.

“Jesus no. Just look at your bloody messages.”

I put him on speaker and check the link to the photos he sent me. I gasp.

Harry looks a mess, one in a bar and another right outside it. With a questionable choice of friends.

“He’s not answering his phone,” Jeff continues. “Nobody can reach him and Riley decided to courier the stupid phone back to the penthouse so we don’t have access to his gps. But you do. That’s why I’m trying to reach you y/n. You’ve gotta go there and get him home.”

“Get him home? He’s in another country!”

“Yes, for that niche fucking awards show. You gotta get him back to his hotel and sober him up. We paid some fucker way too much money not to leak these photos and I don’t want to find out some other fucker took more.”

“Isn’t this something his publicist should be doing? Or you?” I’m starting to get angry. Why was Harry like a big fucking toddler that I had to go get when he was misbehaving. “I took the weekend off-“

“Listen. Y/n. We will pay you 5 times your rate if you just get on a plane and sort him out. I’m in Iceland right now. On holiday! Nobody is paying me 5 times the amount to deal with this and I don’t get back to the UK until tomorrow.”

“His publicis-“

“And Graham is the one that caught all this but he doesn’t fly out until tomorrow. So that leaves you. Mr. Styles’ personal assistant.”

I think about Gray, should I call him? Let him know? Fuck. Fuck Harry and his ability to ruin my whole life.

“I don’t have a choice here do I?” I ask wearily.

“Sure you do, one gets you a nice pay check. The other doesn’t.”

“Fuck,” I swear just loud enough for him to hear. “Do you know when the next flight is.”

“There’s a private jet that can leave within the hour I’ll text you the address can you make it?”

I map it. 30 or so minutes away. I look around my room—I had my emergency duffle with my passport the Harry Survival Guide told me to keep so I didn’t need to pack much.

“Yeah. I’ll be there.”

***

“Out of all the fucking nights,” I swear as I take the elevator down. The flight had been under 2 hours and I’d kept my eyes glued to Harry’s phone locator. He’d moved one location so far. The hotel wasn’t too far from this location so I drop my bags off on the en-suite and head out into the beautiful city.

It’s buzzing despite the hour and I wish it was a calmer trip so I could take pictures and soak in the beauty of Vienna.

Instead I trudge on to the little dot on my phone and avoid thinking about Gray and how much he would love this city. And how badly I betrayed him tonight.

What to do when he won’t answer the phone: track his gps, get good at lock-picking and don’t be shy to call whoever he’s out with to get ahold of him. Harry not answering his phone unexpectedly usually means bad decisions.

I find Harry in a kitschy club but it’s not easy. In the flashes of blue and purple lights I sort through all the men about the same height as him. None of them are him.

I knew he was here. I scan the room a second time, he had to be in one of the private sections.

I walk the perimeter until I see a flash of a familiar laugh.

“Harry!” I shout but a man in a suit steps in front of me.

“Private area,” he says in a rough accent.

“I’m his assistant I need to see him!” I point to Harry but he just steps in my way again. I shout Harry’s name and on the second try he looks up.

“Heyy!” He lights up and picks his way over the people sitting around him. He loops his arm around the brick wall in front of me. “That’s y/n! Y/n you came let her in!”

“Thank you,” I shoot the man a dirty look even though I knew he was just doing his job. He was the difference between a PR disaster and no disaster. “Harry we-“

“Have a drink!” He slurs. My heart quickens when I get a glimpse of the table with an assortment of drugs all over it. “Relax. C’mon c’mon!”

Harry pours me champagne and leads me by the hand to where he was just sitting. A couple shift away to make room for me but I stay standing as Harry sinks into the cushion.

“Mr. Styles we-“

“Ms. Y/L/N,” Harry says seriously before bursting into laughter. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this uninhibited before. One part of me is nervous and another part finds it intriguing.

He tugs me down and I tip into the couch, the champagne sloshing over the rim. What the-

“Relax,” he whispers into my ear. It goes straight to my stomach. “Have some champagne and enjoy the night!”

“I want to-“

“Your fiancé won’t let you drink with me? Is that the issue here?”

“No,” I bite. “I am taking you back-“

“I,” Harry sits up and hovers over me. “I am not speaking to you until you drink! Good god woman, lean back! Relax! What do Americans say take a chill pill?”

“I don’t need a chill pill.”

Harry mimes zipping his lips closed.

I roll my eyes and bring the champagne to my lips to take a mock sip but he must anticipate this. Using his finger he tips the glass even further. Half of it drips down my chin.

“Agh!” I jerk the glass away but Harry just laughs. “This is so not funny.”

He leans in smiling. I expect him to stop but he continues moving into me until his lips are on my jaw. His mouth coasts over my skin before he buries his head in my neck where the champagne had dripped down leaving a pool of heat-

“Harry!” I jerk away and push my hands into his chest to prop him up. His eyes are half-closed but as intense as ever as he looks into mine.

What the fuck. What the fuck just happened.

My hands are shaking, steady only because of the force of Harry pressing into them. I feel the tears springing to my eyes, why the fuck did he just…

“Sorry,” he smiles, his finger brushing my cheek. “Y’had some champagne there.”

It was nothing, I tell myself. He’s drunk and taken god knows what. He’s out of his mind. And he was going for the champagne, not me.

I loosen my arms but he comes back towards me again.

“Fuck this,” I mutter. I push him back into the sofa and get up. “We are going back to the hotel. Now.”

“Just stay a little longer here. It’s life. I’m bloody famous!” His hands come around my waist to pull me towards him but I dig my heel in.

I grab him by the shirt and haul his lanky body up, it’s like lifting a slab of marble. We nearly fall into the table but I catch us on my back leg in time.

I get us outside and call a taxi. Harry sways into me and I help keep him up.

“S’cold,” he complains.

“It’s really not.” I look back to him but he doesn’t look good. I lean him against the wall gently. “Harry look at me.”

He eyes stay closed but his head bobbles and he starts to tip forward again.

“Harry!” I nearly slap him. Instead I push him against the wall and use my body to keep him propped upright. I grab his face in my hands. “Harry look at me you’re scaring me.”

“You’re scaring me,” he slurs.

I shake his face a bit and try to pry open an eye which makes him laugh.

“I was alone,” he mumbles.

“I am not carrying you into or out of that car so you better stay conscious.” I tap his cheek.

“You’re no fun.” He says and I ignore him. “I was alone but you came.”

“Not out of any choice,” I mumble.

Our taxi arrives and I’m shaking him every few minutes to keep him conscious. At the hotel I get some help to his room when they recognize his face.

I drop him in bed with a sigh of relief. He looked pathetic like that. And I wanted to cry out of frustration.

I take his shoes off and then his shirt, deciding to keep his trousers on. I leave a bottle of water on his bedside with painkillers and head to the bathroom. For the second time tonight I get ready for bed.

I scrub the sticky champagne out of my neck and block out the feeling of his lips on me. Block out the confusing feelings that arose.

I grab my phone and pray for a text from Gray but there’s nothing. I update Jeff and he sends me a thumbs up. All that and just a fucking thumbs up.

***

Still no text from Gray the next morning.

Harry’s still in bed when I get up. I crack on and order both of us breakfast, ordering the most expensive things just to get something out of being here.

Harry wakes to the smell of coffee, groaning as soon as he sits up. I don’t know what he took last night but it serves him right.

“Y/n?” He sounds just as confused as last night.

“In the flesh,” I nearly growl.

“I thought Riley’s s’pose to be here?”

“So you do remember I’m supposed to be off all weekend.” I can’t hold back on the sass. I’m too mad at everyone.

“Yeah…what?”

“Riley quit.”

“Riley…quit? That’s why you’re here?”

“No.” I want to throw my cup of coffee in his face. “I’m here because you weren’t answering your phone last night and the only updates we were getting were compromising pictures of you absolutely pissed.”

“You sound like my publicist.”

“Your publicist had to pay the photographer off.”

“It couldn’t be that bad,” Harry swings his legs over the side of the bed and winces. He notices the painkillers and pops them. “Did you undress me?”

I pull the photos up on my phone and show them to him. He throws the phone down on the bed after a glance.

“Okay so he sent you to get me back to the hotel?”

“Jeff called me.”

“Jeff’s on holiday.”

“So was I.” My anger brews over. “I had 2 fucking days off Harry and I couldn’t even get that! You had to go to Vienna and get pappd doing the stupidest shit and of course I have to come in and save your ass because I can’t get any time these days to just be!”

He groans as he gets up and shuffles towards me. My heart picks up speed but he simply reaches for the coffee and takes a big gulp. The silence stretches out after my outburst and I wait with an anxious anger for what comes out of his mouth.

“You didn’t have to come. I could have lived with the consequences of being an idiot last night-“

“Jeff didn’t give me a choic-“

“There’s always a choice,” he holds up his finger to my face, hovering an inch from my lips. “Jeff can’t do shite. If he fired you he needs my final say. So again, I didn’t ask you to come here.”

Fuck him, I think. Does he really think I could have said no and gone on with my night? Since it didn’t come out of his mouth, he vanishes any accountability? He’d totally at fault here.

“Secondly,” he wasn’t finished I guess and his eyes are like laser beams into my soul. “It’s Mr. Styles.”

Anything I was about to mouth off on disappears. Like a sinkhole it all collapses below the surface and I’m left feeling as I always did—humiliated.

“Now,” Harry puts his cup down. “That’s not to say thank you for coming to my rescue yesterday. I don’t remember a lot of it so I’m not sure what happened but I’m sure it wasn’t pretty.”

I don’t answer. I bite my tongue until it falls right off and I can swallow it. I wish I could also swallow the memory of his lips that spring to mind.

“It is a Sunday, if you’d like to take it off feel free. The stylist team is coming around 4 to get me ready for tonight.”

“Well, you’ll need me to coordinate this evening since that was the point of Riley being here,” my voice comes out smoother than I felt.

“Ok,” he dismisses me. “I need a shower.”

He leaves and I clench my fists to keep from throwing everything within range at him. How could he flip the script like this? Turn my life upside down and then act like he did nothing wrong?

I go to my phone and hover over Grayson to call him but i have a notification from him. He’s sent me a message, it’s a link.

I click it. It’s a small article in a tabloid about Harry Styles and his mystery woman. You can’t tell it’s me but our pose looks intimate from last night—him leaning against the wall with my knee in between his legs and my body propping him up while my hands hold his face.

But Grayson knows its me.

I get my other phone and message it in the group with Harry’s publicist.

He responds casually: It’ll blow over don’t worry. Can’t see your face plus romantic is better than looking fucked up like the other pics.

It would blow over for Harry but not for me.

I try to call Grayson but he doesn’t pick up.

I close the room door and bury myself in bed, aching so hard it was hard to believe I was still breathing. It felt like an end, I know I could talk it through with Grayson and explain once he saw the other photos. But something feels like it died tonight.

***

“Y/n?” A voice sings outside my door. “Helloo?”

I feel hungover as I open my crusty eyes. I’m in an unfamiliar room and-

“Hello hello?”

I sit up. I was in a hotel suite and I had to help get Harry to his show. Shit.

I look at the time, it’s nearly 5.

“Sorry!” I shout at whoever was behind the door. “Sorry one sec!”

One look in the mirror and I know I had to throw my hair up. I swish some mouthwash around and exit to the lounge.

“Hi,” a woman I’ve never met smiles kindly at me.

“Sorry. Did you need something from me?”

“Yes,” she takes my arm and leads me towards where Harry was getting his hair done. He looks amused as he watches me. “I need you here. We need to get you ready.”

“Oh no,” I say but sit where I’m told by this commanding woman. “Oh I’m just helping coordinate so you just focus on Mr.-“

“Y/n,” Harry’s deep voice cuts me off. “Riley comes with me to these things when Jeff isn’t around. Since neither are here you’re joining me and Graham.”

I look for his publicist but I’m told he was running late. Great.

“I didn’t sign up for this,” I say as the woman takes a wet wipe to my face. “I thought I had Sunday off.”

“You reminded me you’re replacing Riley,” Harry says. “And I got the team to get you a few things but I don’t know your size. I’m sure one of them will fit. Kit can tailor it if you need.”

“Wha…” my face is positioned to the side and cream is dotted all over. I shut my mouth and glance at Harry which becomes a glare when I realize he’s enjoying this.

“Lighten up Y/N, it’s not the end of the world.”

He didn’t know. It was the end of my world.

***

The red carpet or whatever this imitation of it was is a sensory nightmare. Graham had explained on the car over I was to stick to the shadows with him and his security detail. I don’t know why they stuck me in this beautifully tailored pantsuit just to be in the shadows. But apparently I could keep it so I was happy about that.

While Harry gets his name shouted and photos taken I watch from the side, hiding behind Graham’s shoulder so I don’t get caught in any pictures. The flashes still make my head hurt.

Again, we stand off to the side as Harry gets interviewed by labels I recognized and others that must be local. One woman has the nerve to ask,

“So Harry the whole internet is dying to know who your mystery woman is. Would you like to give our viewers a hint?”

I stiffen and Graham glances my way with a warning look. He’d already prepped Harry in the car but I couldn’t believe someone would be so bold as to ask. But that was show business.

“Ah you know what the media’s like, all out of context. I love the theories especially the one about this being my secret fiancé but I would like the viewers to know I’m not engaged, very much single, and not to believe everything you see online.”

I hold my breath as Harry answers but he’s a natural, I had to admit. He went off script a little—he wasn’t supposed to acknowledge the content of the photo, but he did so with grace and humour. Wow. I could learn a few things.

Graham relaxes beside me once the reporter laughs and asks if he sees himself not being single any time soon. When we finally move on Graham wraps his arm around Harry’s shoulder and gives it a shake.

“You did good kid,” he kisses his cheek with all the leftover adrenaline from the carpet. “I’ll see you in there. I see some friends I want to catch up with first.”

Then it’s just Harry and I, and his shadow of a security detail who Harry dismisses while he’s inside the room.

“So I guess now’s the part you go to your seat?” I ask. There was no What to do at an Awards Show so I was clueless and I decided I would create one myself to keep the legacy of all these dos and don’ts.

“It is,” Harry looks…nervous? His eyes flicker around the room and his jaw twitches. I do a sweep of my own, there’s a lot of people I don’t recognize and those I do I’m just about dying trying to stay casual.

“I thought that reporter was going to propose after you cleared up how single you were.”

“Hm?” Harry looks at me—in heels I was finally near eye-level to him. His gaze clears as he takes in what I said and I consider it a win getting him back down to earth. “Oh. Her, yeah she was cheeky with those questions wasn’t she?”

His smile makes me stomach dip. “Yeah she slipped them in so expertly. I thought ‘I have to take some tips from her’. And you, you were good dodging the question.”

“I didn’t lie,” Harry’s now fully engaged in our conversation. I give myself a pat on the back. “It was just you and I am still single.”

Just you. I fake a laugh, “Yeah. That photo is proof that I’m stronger than I look because you were deadweight and I managed to get you to bed y’know that.”

His green eyes flicker up and down my face for a beat. “I know that. I…hope that picture didn’t get you into any trouble.”

I look away, unsure how to answer. He brings a hand to my arm. “I can talk to someone if it helps?”

“Oh no,” my cheeks flush. “No I don’t think that would make anything better but thank you. I…appreciate the-“

“Harry? Oh my god it’s you!”

I retreat in a quarter of a second, invisible once again for Harry to shine with his colleagues. It’s a singer I recognize but I only remember her stage name, Dragon something. I watch them embrace and I try to wind up the spool of thread I’d released when Harry showed some kindness.

I think I had some issues, I became unrecognizable every time Harry was nice for a moment. I had to remember that it was temporary and there were boundaries I couldn’t cross.

Yesterday flashes into my mind. God, was it just yesterday?

Harry starts walking with the other musician arm in arm. It comes to me as I follow why I knew her. There were rumours shortly before I interviewed with Harry about seeing him on the town with this woman. So they had history. Of course.

By the time Graham joins me in our seats I’ve become part of the wallpaper and I feel like I’m being torn away when he acknowledges me to ask if everything had gone ok. I stay invisible for the rest of the evening and I try to remember that’s how it would be.

***

We’re sat on the tarmac for the ride home and I try to refresh my messages over and over but Gray hasn’t responded after I’d told him we had to talk. He was stupidly good at the cold shoulder and I felt like a needy bitch whenever he got like this.

“Could I get a water y/n?” Harry asks from across the aisle. He has his head tipped back and he looks awful—consequences of an after party where he drank himself silly again and relied on me to get him home. I did make friends with some other PAs who were roped to the party so that was the only highlight.

“Sure.” I go to the front of the jet where Graham is typing away on his laptop, oblivious to the rest of us. I grab Harry a coffee too. “It’ll help with the hangover.”

Harry accepts it graciously and I go back to refreshing my phone.

I thought he’d fallen asleep an hour into the flight until he unbuckles his seat and slips in beside me.

“Can I get your phone?” He holds his hand out.

“Why?” I ask suspiciously.

“You’re driving me crazy refreshing that thing it’s like you’re getting paid per refresh.”

I was lost in a trance doing it. I put the phone facedown on my lap but he takes it from me.

“Hey-“

“I’m keeping this until we land. I promise you if you haven’t gotten any messages by now you won’t get any at all.”

His patronizing tone wriggles something loose and I have to look away, out the window, so he doesn’t see the tears.

“My offer still stands,” he says quietly after my silence. I shake my head.

“Thanks,” my voice wavers. “It won’t help. He just gets…quiet. Any time there’s an issue he just goes quiet and it drives me f…crazy. I feel crazy.”

“You kind of look it.” I’m ready to throw him a dirty look but Harry’s smiling when I look at him. I was rarely on the receiving end of such a handsome look that I forget I was going to be mad. “What? You do, hunched over your phone pressing down over and over. My neck hurts just looking at you.”

I sigh and leans back into the seat, trying to straighten myself out.

“Sorry,” I sniffle. “I just need some sort of proof of life from him. He knows it drives me crazy when he ignores me but he does it anyway. He could be dead for all I know. Anyway, I’ll stop now you can give me my phone back.”

“Mmm no,” Harry pats the pocket he put it in. “You listen to me. It stays here.”

I don’t fight him. It was for my own good.

He sits with me for the rest of the flight. It should be uncomfortable but having another person’s presence beside me—knowing there was a shoulder pressing against mine, makes me feel a little less lonely today.

He probably didn’t intend that, I rethink the thought. Harry wasn’t thoughtful like that, he was probably just too lazy to move back.

We take the car home when we land but Harry tells me to take the rest of the Monday off even though it was already 2.

“And y/n,” Harry stops me before I exit the car where it stalls outside my complex.

“Yes?” I wait for the other shoe to drop—I had the day off but…

“If he knows it drives you crazy, and he truly loves you, he should respect you and give you a chance to talk. You deserve that.”

My breath catches at the unexpected words. I feel my defences go up.

“You’ll work it out,” he rushes on when I don’t respond.

I’m left feeling slightly reassured and mostly confused.

“Thank you,” I look at him a beat too long and it feels awkward so I scramble out and head up. To someone I hope was willing to listen like Harry said.

***

Like a baby calf out of the womb, my relationship stays on shaky grounds. It feels like building a foundation all over again after thinking that was already done with, but Hurricane Harry had caused a lot of damage.

Now 9 months into my new job I wasn’t always so on edge. But I was busy.

With no Riley, the team had decided to hold off on hiring anyone new and my work load had tripled. I’d brought it up casually and just as casually Harry had let me know I would be compensated.

I thought about Vienna a lot. Things were done and said there that should change our dynamic but didn’t. Not much. Harry was still an ass, he still demanded most of my time, and I still suffered from major anxiety about my life falling apart.

So maybe I was still on edge, just about different things.

“G’morning,” Gray whispers to me. I wanted to sleep in and cuddle with my fiancé but I’d already snoozed my alarm and I knew I had to get to work. I had errands to run all over town.

“Morning,” I burrow my head into his warm body. “I don’t wanna work.”

He kisses the top of my head. “How about I join you on some of those errands you mentioned? We can get coffee?”

I’m suddenly excited about going to work.

Gray laughs when I climb over him and kiss him like a lunatic, and we’ve been together too long to be embarrassed about morning breath or pillow face. I can’t believe I almost lost him.

The day is perfect as Gray and I move around town doing odd bits. We get to grab lunch together and I’m so glad what a good sport Gray had been about it all since I’d forced him to carry any heavy items.

“I’ll see you for dinner,” Gray drops me off at Harry’s. We linger in the lobby for a few minutes. “I’m cooking.”

“Mmm can’t wait,” I kiss him before taking the load from him. “Thank you for coming with me today.”

“I had fun, I hate to admit it.” He grins as I walk backwards to the elevator. He takes my breath away.

Grayson’s eyes widen and he opens his mouth to say something but I collide into a body behind me before he can warn me.

“Oh shit sorry I-“ I turn and Harry stands behind me with Jeff walking off the elevator. He was probably headed to the studio and I was late. Dammnit!

“Y/N,” Harry says.

“I’m so. Sorry,” I look between Gray, Jeff, and Harry. Do I introduce everyone? Do I apologize and rush to drop these things off so I could join them like I’m supposed to?

Jeff makes it easy, walking away on his phone. Then it’s Harry and Gray.

“I’m sorry I meant to be upstairs five minutes ago.” I tell Harry who’s expression is hard to read. “Uhm…this is Grayson my fiance I don’t think y’all have met he was just dropping me off since I had my hands full. Um. Gray this is…well you know who this is I-“

My blabbering is cut short as Harry steps forward to shake hands and I nearly die at the steely look Gray gives him. Also, why the fuck did I say y’all?! I wasn’t even southern.

“Grayson Duran yeah? Nice to meet you,” Harry says. I’m surprised he knows his full name. He must have asked his friends.

“Yeah,” Gray drops his hand. “The infamous Harry Styles—I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Likewise,” Harry says, glancing at me. Why would he say that. “As much as I’d love to chat, y/n you’re late and we’re heading to the studio. Can you give all that to the concierge?”

“Yes,” I nod. “Have you got-“

“I grabbed my things yes. I’ll see you in the car.”

Harry nods to Gray and leaves an air of cologne and annoyance behind. Gray and I lock eyes and I burn with embarrassment.

“What a dick,” Gray mumbles.

I’m offended, wait, why am I offended? It’s not like Harry wasn’t a dick.

“Yeah, I gotta go sorry babe.” I rush to the concierge and explain the delivery.

“Y’all?” Gray asks when I rush back to him.

“I know I know,” I cringe. “It just came out. I gotta go but thank you so much for today. Loveyoubye!”

I give him a quick peck and rush out, nearly collapsing into Harry’s car.

“Sorry about that, being late. That won’t happen again I meant to be there before you left-“

“As long as it doesn’t happen again,” Harry says stiffly, staring out the window. He was a dick, Gray was right. But why was I so offended at him saying that right after meeting him?

Things felt so confusing these days and I just wanted time to catch my breath and figure things out. A few more weeks and I’d get some time off for the holidays at least, I was looking forward to that.

***

Even though I planned the intimate holiday party and spent countless hours on the phone making sure every detail would be perfect I can’t help but criticize it as I join.

“Maybe I should have gone with a live band,” I mutter as someone takes mine and Grayson’s coats. Tonight I was supposed to shut my brain off as Harry said, and enjoy the party as a guest. But that part was hard to shut off after nearly 10 months of re-wiring it.

Grayson was tough to convince but finally he’d agreed to come to the party. Things were mostly back to normal with us. I tried to be home by 7 most nights and didn’t talk about work too much.

But sometimes it felt like a volcano lived inside me with how much I had to compartmentalize and keep in and when times got really tough, I wanted to spew everywhere.

“Josie told me your mom’s doing bohemian Christmas?” I ask Gray as we hover by the foyer. I’d just had a catchup with her yesterday now that she was finished exams. “Do you know what that means.”

“Mum’s crazy,” Gray sighs. His relationship with her was always followed by a sigh, an eye roll, a heavy resignation for who she was. I never quite understood it.

Josie, on the other hand, loved their loud and free-spirited mother. As for me, I thought she was the most interesting woman I ever met and we’d gotten along instantly.

“She’s always got some new idea up her sleeve,” I try to make things more positive. “What do you want a bet it’s going to be vegan?”

“I don’t bet when I know that’s what she’s serving. That’s why we do dad’s for lunch and hers for dinner. We’re too stuffed once we get there to care what she’s serving.”

“Remember when I tried to get you to go vegan and-“

“Y/N! Hi,” I’m interrupted by a friendly face in the crowd and end up chatting with people I’d worked with the last few months. We introduce our partners and they chat but I keep an eye on Grayson, in case anything changes.

I watch Harry’s friends trickle in and Gray lights up when he sees Liam and a few other people he trained.

I flit around the room with ease after that, knowing Gray had friends to keep him company. I make sure drinks are filled and catering is setting up. Until a hand stops me.

“You’re not supposed to be working tonight,” Harry reminds me.

“Yes. Right. Well…”

“Y/N,” he warns.

“Okay!” I throw my hands up. “Not working, here look I’m enjoying myself!”

I pick up a random drink and take a big sip. Champagne. Suddenly I remember the last time I drank champagne in front of Harry and I nearly cough it back up.

“Ugh,” Harry hands me a napkin and I try not to bristle. “What happened? Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” I clear my throat. “Yeah sorry just…just not a fan of champagne.”

We lock eyes and I’m gripped with the sudden and very real possibility that Harry may actually remember parts of that night.

When his eyes flicker down to my neck, it’s confirmed. Oh god.

“Well! I’m off to find a better drink!” I turn too quickly, nearly taking out the caterer who was setting up hors d’œuvres on the table. “Sorry!”

Oh my god. Harry remembered.

Did he remember this whole time? Was he pretending to forget that night? Did he ever remember the moment randomly in my presence like I did?

I had to stop freaking out. It had been months!

Where was Grayson.

I locate my fiancé in a random group but his eyes are already on me. I raise a hand and he smiles, raising a finger to tell me he’d be there in a moment.

My mind races in the meantime, wondering if I should mention the incident to Harry and tell him I was fine. Or maybe that proved the opposite. No. I should just keep it unspoken like we had this whole time. Oh my god!

“Quite a turnout,” Grayson comes back to me. Two drinks in his hand. “I saw you talking to Harry why did you look so scared? Did he say something?”

“Oh!” Of course Gray saw. “No. I just…almost choked on my champagne the fizz y’know? And then I didn’t want to make a scene so I left.”

“Hm,” Gray wraps his hand around my waist. “Hey I see a mistletoe I’m going to nudge you in that direction.”

“You don’t need a mistletoe to kiss me babe.”

“It’s supposed to be romantic.”

I let him lead me to it and he kisses me with a knee-bending passion.

“Woah,” I feel dazed when we finally part. “That was fucking romantic.”

“Yeah?” He grins.

“Excuse me!” Harry’s voice rings over the crowd and the room hushes slowly. “Uh hiya! Thank you all for coming tonight and making me feel like I have friends during the holidays.”

A quiet laugh rumbles over the crowd. Harry looks magnetic on his makeshift podium, he’s in a cozy red sweater that I know cost more than my month’s salary and a collar peeks out from under it. He’s got on navy slacks and tinsel thrown over his shoulder. I’d bought that sweater, I remember. But he managed to pull the rest of the outfit together well.

“…a few people.” He continues. I’d zoned out. “My manager Jeff of course—this year has been a roller coaster and you’ve managed it all. Charlie, Claire, Niji, Elin, Sarah, and Mitch. We had a ball playing our hidden shows this fall but we have so much planned for the year ahead. I’m beyond grateful that you all came into my life and we get to make music together!”

A few whoops in the crowd and the people he mention raise their hands and shout out their own praises to Harry.

Harry thanks a few more people and says some more kind words. I don’t expect him to zero in on me.

“Last, but not least folks, I want to thank somebody who joined my team this year. She’s seen a lot—she’s been in the trenches my friends, she has. But she’s stuck with me. She’s planned everything tonight so really you’re all here because of her. Y/N, please make yourself known and everyone should give her a thank you if you talk to her tonight for tonight.”

Oh god. I am as bright as Harry’s sweater and with every single eye turning on me I’m sure I also turn every shade of the rainbow. I paste on a grin that feels like I’m the Joker and hope it looks normal.

I wave awkwardly and make eyes with Harry across the room who looks like he’s having a ball putting me in the centre of everyone’s attention. I was really going to wring his neck but he winks at me and finally turns the attention back to him with a few closing words, then starting the music and food.

“Am I alive?” I ask Gray beside me whose hand had dropped from my waist during the last few minutes. “I think I died of embarrassment and turned into the ghost of Christmas’ present.”

I turn to Gray and he looks around me. “Hello? Is someone talking to me?”

“Gray!” I push his shoulder and he laughs. “I hated every second of that.”

“I know,” Gray laughs again. “You hate attention.”

“I do! I swear Harry was up there gloating didn’t you notice? Ugh I hate him.”

Gray’s expression shutters for a second. “Yeah, he definitely knew what he was doing.”

“Y/N, quite a shoutout.” A voice says from my right. It’s Liam who I hadn’t seen myself in ages. I go in for a hug and hope my embarrassment clears away as we catch up.

As the night goes on I ease up a little, enjoy the mingling and the drinks. Especially the drinks. The evening’s embarrassment and everyone coming up to me knowing my name was hell so I drink to keep up the liquid courage.

Coming out of the toilets for the tenth time that night with all the drinks I was downing, I notice a light on in the room.

I go to it, in case it was a guest in a place they shouldn’t be.

I don’t spot him at first, flicking off the lights only to see a shadow move. Harry.

“Oh! It’s you. Is everything alright?” I lean in the doorway. It’s the first time I’ve seen him in this office actually. He always hovered outside it like I was now.

“Yeah yeah, just came for some air.” He walks up to me and I step out of the way so he can leave. But he stays just inside so I move back to my spot.

“Air? In the smallest room here?”

“Yeah,” he smiles like he’s been caught. “I was looking for you. We ran out of ice I just don’t remember where you stored the rest.”

“Well I’m not working remember? So I don’t know.”

“Touché. I guess the guests will just have a shite time with their lukewarm drinks.”

Ugh. He knew me too well.

“Fine. I’ll get the bag. By the way, that wasn’t funny. What you did earlier.” I put my hands on my hips, ready to give him a piece of my mind for embarrassing me.

“What!? It wasn’t meant to be funny. I’m expressing my gratitude y/n.”

“In front of a whole room of random people who are all looking at me? You know I would have hated it!”

“Let’s just say I’m trying to get you out of your shell,” Harry teases. He smells of his usual cologne, the fresh soap he used, and scotch. I spot the empty glass on my desk.

“I’m plenty out of my shell thank you. You know, you could have just said it to me privately. That would have meant more.”

His mouth opens but nothing comes out. He inhales sharply and turns around.

“What?” I ask his back.

“Nothing.” He turns back around. “You do good work y/n, people should know.”

Now it’s my turn to go quiet. I only seemed to do this when Harry was nice. Because otherwise I knew how mean he could be. Why couldn’t there just be a balance.

“Why are you so randomly nice to me?”

Oops. All those drinks made for some loose lips.

“What?” He’s taken aback.

“Yeah,” I feel fired up now that it’s out. “You ignore me half the time—not that I expect to be bffs but at least a hello now and then would be nice. Then when you do talk it’s grunts and clipped answers. You’re pretty mean to me! And suddenly out of nowhere it’s like-like this 180 and you’re really nice. And praising me in front of a crowd. What’s up with that?”

His expression retreats the more I talk and I know I’ve dug myself into a hole. Forget the whole speech just now I’m pretty sure I’ve just written my own termination notice.

“I have to be,” he says simply after an awkward pause.

“Have to?” I demand. “You have to be mean to me?”

The long deleted Dos and Dont list when I first joined flashes through my mind. Did that have something to do with it?

“Because when I spoke to Riley that one time for drinks, he told me you weren’t always this mean. So is it me? You just said to a whole crowd how helpful I am so I just don’t get why you’re so mean sometimes!”

“What else did Riley say?” Harry hangs on to that.

“I…a lot I dunno! Riley faffs a lot. He’s also a creep but that’s neither here nor there I-“

“What do you mean he’s a creep?” The room feels even smaller as he zeroes in.

“I-“ I try to stutter something to change the subject but he stays on, asking me again. “It’s nothing. He was drunk and he made a pass at me-“

“He did?! Why didn’t you tell me?” There’s zero space between the two of us now.

“Why would I? It was something that happened outside work hours, plus you warned me and I didn’t listen-“

“Y/n you should have told me,” he swears. “I let that little shite get away with way too much.”

“Yeah well he’s not the only person working here who’s made a drunken pass at me so let’s not make it a big deal okay?”

I guess I wasn’t holding back.

Harry closes his eyes and breathes through his nose. One mississippi two mississippi three-

“You’re right.”

My heart pounds in my chest. I want to get out of this room, find Gray, and stay in the light. Because this small, dimly lit space was becoming too intimate. And yet, I can’t seem to will myself to move.

“I am?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry. It doesn’t cut it—what I did was incredibly wrong. Being drunk shouldn’t be an excuse and I promise I don’t go around doing that to everyone-“

“I know,” I say before thinking. It was weird of Harry to do but I never felt unsafe with him. I understood what he was trying to say.

“You can make it a big deal if you want. It shouldn’t have happened. It won’t happen again.”

I feel weird having the roles reversed—Harry apologizing to me. Promising not to do something again. I recognize what he’s doing is right but I don’t know what to do with myself. My breathing’s shallow with Harry so close to me, practically hovering over me. I should’ve worn higher heels to really equal the field.

“Thanks,” I finally manage. It’s low and raspy and I barely get in enough air to speak it. He doesn’t respond.

We stay in the tableau, our breathing irregular, in between a single decision that both of us knew wouldn’t end well. Yet neither of us are strong enough to end the frozen display.

“You clean up nice,” he says, eyes never leaving mine as he compliments my getup. I’d worn a simple cowl-necked slip dress and strappy shoes with my hair in an up-do. I was definitely underdressed after seeing the other guests but I believe Harry means it.

“Don’t look as haggard as I usually do, you mean?” I find my voice again. I barely have to whisper for him to hear.

“You never look haggard,” Harry says as he brings his hand up and traces the curve of my dress strap. My heartbeat was loud and surely showing through my dress.

“You should go,” Harry adds in a whisper.

My head feels like it’s filled with carbonation as I nod in agreement. This was bad. With a capital B. I had to go.

“I…should go.” I repeat. Slowly I inch sideways on the wall and Harry leans away. We stare at each other for another long moment before I scurry away, my heart in my throat and my guilt where my heart should be.

“Don’t forget the ice,” I hear Harry call out from the room. Miraculously this is exactly when Grayson turns the corner.

“Y/n? Where were you?”

“Oh I-“ I imagined I looked fucked up. Because I felt high and out of my mind. The white lie comes out, attached to a thread that unstitches something within. “I drank too much, so I was in the toilet.”

“Oh,” Gray looks relieved and I’m sinking with guilt. Technically I did nothing wrong. I didn’t even have feelings for Harry. But whatever physical magnetism he seemed to have nearly made me do something I’d seriously regret. “Did I hear someone say something about ice?”

“Yeah!” I laugh and it comes out like I had never learned how. “I just bumped into Harry, we ran out of ice. So much for not working huh?”

“At least everyone knows how hard you work,” he jokes.

I stick to Gray’s side for the rest of the night, not touching a single drop of alcohol. I had to forget everything in that room ever happened if I wanted to keep my job and my sanity. I had to be a better person, the devil was handsome and I had to stop playing into his tricks.

I call it quits a few hours later when I notice Gray low on energy.

“I’ll get our coats,” I tell him. The relief on his face is palpable.

I go through where the spare closet was but hear voices in Harry’s darkened room. The door’s open so I go to investigate. I regret it instantly.

Harry’s inside with a woman, I don’t see much of her as she’s on the bed but I know it’s Harry with the tone of his voice as they exchange words.

My stomach drops and it’s like an accident on the side of the road, I’m mortified but I can��t look away.

I watch him kiss her and I feel like I’m sinking through the floorboards.

“Oh!” The woman notices me when she turns her head and pulls the sheet up. She whispers, “you didn’t close the-“

“Oh it’s fine,” Harry laughs. He sits back on his legs and looks at me, his expression void of anything he was tonight. Like the moment in the room didn’t even happen. “It’s just y/n.”

Of course it didn’t matter to him, I scold myself. I was the one with fucked up issues that couldn’t make up my stupid mind about how I wanted to feel about this man who literally paid me to be around. Who treated me like shit most of the time. Who was nice to me sometimes and I misconstrued it to mean a whole lot more.

What was I thinking? Did I think suddenly this man who’s known to be a player had a single one-sided intense moment with me and that would change him?

I was an absolute idiot.

“Could you get the door?” Harry asks so casually, so nonchalantly, that it punches me in the chest. It was closer to some combination of humiliation and self-inflicted hurt but for now it feels like my chest aches.

“O-of course.” I shut the door and stand there, taking in deep breaths as I try not to think about everything that just happened. Tried not to think of all the million ways I was the worst girlfriend in the world. Tried not to think about the fact that I had to quit sooner than later because things were getting tangled up and it was not okay.

xxxxxxxxxx

TAGLIST: @boomitsallie1 @indierockgirrl @ndunad @jerseygirlinca @sunshinemoonsposts @ninasw0rld

I’m trying to make part 3 the last—it includes your final decisions and returning to the present to find out what happens (from the beginning of the story). Thank you, as always, for reading <3 xx

#harry styles fic #writingsfromhome #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfic #harry styles imagine #harry styles #fic #harry styles angst #harry styles series #musician!harry #slow burn

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eulogisemeao3 · 4 months ago

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‘Do You Know Who You Are?’

Status: Complete / 13 Chapters, 164k words / Mature

beta read by the sweetest @princesshwrry

˚ ༘ ❀ ⋆｡˚

Doncaster was meant to be a fresh start for Harry, a chance to let go of his past and start a new life. But it doesn’t feel like it when Harry finds himself tormented by the arrival of Louis Tomlinson. Cocky, confident, and a huge flirt, Louis can’t keep away from Harry no matter what Harry says.

Upon his return, Louis is occupied with starting his business with Zayn and dealing with his family’s illegal business. Things start to get messy when Louis is conned by a dealer, and also can’t seem to get a certain pair of green eyes and dimples out of his head.

The one where Louis wants Harry, and Harry doesn’t know what he wants, or who he is. Though, he can take a good chance and guess that perhaps wanting Louis might just cost him everything.

#ao3 #fic #fanfic #louis tomlinson #harry styles #larry #larry fic #harry #larrystylinson #ao3 fanfic #larry fanfiction #one direction #slow burn #larry ao3 #louis #Louis is pretty violent and is obsessed with Harry who doesn’t realise until it’s too late

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iamjustaholeforyousir · 1 year ago

Text

Breathe Me In

part 9 of Look What We Became

summary: the prince and the princess try to come on decent terms before taking big decisions, but not everything goes as planned

warning: fluff, smut, oral sex, f receiving, mention of various body parts (tho none of them are described in heavy detail.)

word count: 3000

minors DNI

part1 part2 part3 part4 part5 part6 part7 part8 part9

You decide to wake up late the next morning, too tired from the events of the previous night. The sun had risen completely as the rays pricked your close eyelids. You sit up, rubbing the sleep away from your eyes and look at the sofa Harry was supposed to be sleeping in, but you only found it empty.

Not thinking much of it, you decide to get ready for the day.

You had a short bath, and were now wearing a silk blue dress with intricate yellow and red patterns, the skirt of your dress matched the corset and the sleeves, the fabric on your chest had frills and matched the one on your skirt, that went right in the middle.

You put your gloves on, and reached for your jewellery box, you took out the golden and blue earrings that your mother had gifted you as a parting gift at your wedding, the blue stone was stuck to the middle of the gold plate.

You kept the earrings aside and you took out a matching pendant.

Looking up in the mirror, you put the pendant around your neck, and when you reach down to pick up the earrings, you find one missing.

A bit weary you wear on the earrings and then start frantically searching for the other one.

“I believe we are looking for this.” you hear someone speak from behind, with a knowing and slightly annoyed face, you turn around to see your husband, holding one of your earrings, he had a smirk on his face, an expression that had invited you for a challenge,

“Give it back.” you say, walking towards him

“No ‘ my lord’ or ‘prince harry’? Why princess, where are your manners?” he says, with a false disappointment. You take a deep breath “prince harry. Give. it .back.” you say, “not good enough, princess, i don't quite hear the begging element in your voice.”

“Please, my lord, give me my earring back.” you say, feigning sweetness.

“Why don't you come take it yourself.” he says, and so you take a step forward, and he takes one back, you take another one forward and he takes another on back, you walk towards him and he walks towards the door.

“Catch me if you can, princess!” he says, before sprinting out of the room.

If he wants to play a game, you will give him a game, and you run out behind him.

Running around the halls, hiding behind servants walking around, you both were just causing such chaos.

You both were bumping into people walking, as you saw him make his way to the gardens, and you were glad, since you had more space to somehow catch up to him.

You thanked the gods above that they weren't watering the grass just yet, because if they were, your dress and shoes would have been ruined.

You are near the exit, a few feet behind your husband, when he takes a turn to the left, you reach the door and turn behind him, but he is not there.

You stop, out of breath, you walk ahead searching for him, you look behind the wall, turn around and look the other way. How can one just disappear like this? You were starting to get concerned.

“Prince harry?” you called out, frantically looking around, trying to look behind the fountains, turning around to look back at the wall, doubting yourself, when suddenly you feel strong arms around your waist as you are pulled behind, hitting a very strong chest.

His scent filled your senses immediately, a hint of caramel, sweet-smelling dried leaves and a touch earthy, hay-like scent, it calmed you down in an instant, as you rested your head on his shoulder.

No words were spoken, as he just held you in his arms, for god knows how long, he let go when he felt your breathing was normal.

He then removed one of his hands from your waist and tightly wrapped the other one around your torso, as if you would escape, if he let you loose. Opening his fist, your earring comes into sight, you put your hand on his, to take it, but he swiftly closes his fist again, trapping your hand in his, you look to your side, giving him a quizzical look, but he simply raises your hand to his lips, and gives it a light kiss.

He slowly moves down, kissing your wrist, peppering them along your forearm, placing a featherlike one on your elbow, moving up to your arm, kissing on your clothed shoulder. He reaches our neck and rubs his nose on it, inhaling your smell.

He then lets go of your hand, and gently turns you around, your arms immediately flying up and snake around his neck, as his hands find the small of your back.

He pulls you in completely, your body flush against his, and kisses you, slowly, gently, calmly, not like the one he gave you last night, right now he was taking histamine, as if he was getting to know you.

Breaking the kiss he says, “if i knew you tasted so miraculous, i would have done this the second i saw you. Would have been all over your soft skin, taking away that innocent glow from your eyes, god you make me ferrell sometimes, you know that?” resting his forehead on yours, trying to catch his breath.

“Whatever happened to “getting to know one another before taking big steps”?” you ask, equally out breath, “i am getting to know you, aren't i princess? I know what you taste like, what you smell like, how you laugh, how you smile, how worried you get, what a poor runner you are-”

“I am not a poor runner.”

“Yes you are”

“I am not.”

You both stare into each other's eyes, as if staring at the souls inside your bodies, with so much intent, the gaze was fierce, “yes. You. are.”

“No. i’m. Not.”

It was getting really intense, before you both burst out laughing, “and now I know you are horrible at pretending to be intimidating as well!” he says, laughing like a madman, “oh really? You are quite pathetic at hiding!” you say, “please, you couldn't find me, you got all scared as well,” he says, as the laughter died, he had not let go of you completely, though the hold was loose, but he pulled you closer again, “careful princess, some might think you care for me.” he says, and you slowly move your head to look up at him, “i do care for you.”

“The queen is calling you both for breakfast.” you hear a voice, far from sweet, as if words were being forced out of her mouth, you both turn around to see who it was and sure enough it was deborah.

Harry keeps his hold on you, and it becomes tighter, you look back at the girl, who was looking at you with sheer hatred.

“Let her know we will be there soon.” he says, nodding his head, but she didn't move an inch, as if she had no intention of conveying that message.

“I-”

“Let the queen know, we will be there soon,” he says again. A bit stent this time.

She only looks down, bows and leaves.

“Why must you be so distant, she was your lover after all.” you say, “i loved her, yes, i felt tied to her, as if we were already living a life together, and i deem lechery as the greatest of sins, though she did not commit lechery, not technically, it felt as if she did, and she showed no remorse. Now you tell me, my wife, wouldn't you show disdain to a monster such as her?”

“I would not call her that.” you say, lowly

“If it were up to you, a traitor shall also receive a chance of redemption, you are too kind.” he says “something i am grateful for of course, if it weren't for this kind heart, i would not be able to do this.” he says, as he reaches to kiss you once again.

You smile against his lips, before pulling away from him entirely, “do not take me for being too kind my dear, i can be ruthless when i want to win.” you say, “catch me if you can!” you say, and run back inside, Harry shakes his head and laughs, before running after you.

You both reach the dining hall, panting as you both composed yourselves. Walking inside youtube your seat next to your husband. “Good morning, dear, did you sleep well?” the queen asked

“Yes, of course, mother.” you say, shyly, it was the first time you had called her that.

“Mother? Aah,'' Harry says out loud, then leans into you and whispers “first you steal my heart, now you are stealing my mother? What more should I expect from you princess?”

You blush at this, you knew why he was saying such things, of course it wasn't as though he was in love with you, but he was making an effort, to show you that he at least likes you.

“Yes dear, she is just like my daughter,” she says to Harry, and then turns to you and askes, “I saw you two retire early, was everything alright?” she asked, in a very innocent voice, you choked on your juice as you thought of what happens when you both ‘retired early’, you could feel yourself getting flustered at the thought of it, his hands, all over your body, his face so close to yours, and you don't know why, but it caused you to squeeze your thighs together. “Is everything alright?” she asked again, and Harry started patting your back,

“Mother!” he says, looking at his mother with glaring eyes, “what?” she replies, again, innocently, “everything was quite alright, mother, we just needed to discuss some…things.” he says, while patting your back, your coughing came to an end soon, but your face was red, your brain was constantly playing the events of last night, the good ones, not the sad ones, you put our hand on his thigh, and you squeeze hard, which alerts him a bit he snaps his head to the side and looks at you, “princess?” he asks lowly, “um ... .uh, you must excuse me.” you say, as you get up, bow to all of them and leave for your chambers.

The feeling was there again, and it hurt, you were really uncomfortable as you walked up to your chamber. It was the same unbearable feeling, the frustration. Blood rushed through your skin, and suddenly everything became hot, your brain was fuzzy, you couldn't form words, you could barely keep your eyes open, you carved the feeling again, the closeness, touch ,you craved touch, his touch, no one else's.

You sit on your bed, as you remember the feeling, when he made you grind against his knee, that feeling when he was so close to you. God you needed to compose yourself.

Harry was confused, you seemed just fine before, what happened?

“She is probably tired, you both were running around quite a lot today.” his father offers some explanation, “no dear, i don't think that is it.” his mother says, with a knowing look. And Harry seems to understand, getting up he says, “i shall go see, weather she is alright.” and he sprints to your room, bursting the door open he finds you, laying on the bed, your chest heaving, as tears run down your eyes, you had closed the curtains and the room was dark, your dress sleeves falling off your shoulders and your skirt up around your waist, your knees were bent, and your legs were bare. You turned to face him, begging him to come closer with your eyes, and he did, he closed the door, and ran to your side, “princess? What ails you?” he asked, and you just shook your head, you couldn't possibly say anything, “if you don't tell me, how will i help you? Hm? Tell me princess, whatever happened?” he asked again, but you just took his hand, and guided it towards your inguinal region, his eyes followed your movements, as he saw what you're doing, he looked back at you. This was the boldest gesture you had made so far.

“Princess.” he says, before taking a deep breath in, “please, do something, it hurts.” you whisper out to him, your voice was whiney, thin, small.

He smirks at you and says, “Whatever happened to “getting to know one another before taking big steps”?” but you just whine louder, “i don't care! Just please! Do something! Please!”

Your plea was enough for him to remove his coat, and climb on top of you, bending down he kisses you hungrily, he had never seen you this desperate, and he was loving it, your hands find his hair as you kiss him back, his hands reach your shoulders, pushing the dress further down, you help him remove the sleeves off your hands, and then immediately find his hair again, he again puts his leg between yours as you grind on it, and this time you moan, loudly, “whatever has gotten into you today? Never seen you like this, tell me,” he says, all breathy, “what made you so needy?”

You dont reply, partly because you were too embarrassed to admit to your lewd thoughts and partly because you could not form a sentence in your head, “I asked you a question, didn't I princess?” he asks, and you just wail, “that is no answer.” he says, “what made you so needy princess?” he asks again, you shake your head, trying to find your words, as the feeling of pure pleasure fills your body, “y-you” you say, as you squeeze your eyes shut, due to the intense pleasure.

That one word, seemed to have done something to harry, as he goes completely wild, he rips his dress shirt open, and pulls your dress below the swell of your breasts, he puts one hand, beside your head, removes his leg, from between yours, which causes you to whine once again, his mouth finds your right breast, and his other hand reaches down to rub circles against your clothed clit. Your right hand finds his shoulder, while your left pushes his head further down on your breast, the feeling had heightened, and your mouth was now open, no sound came out, no words, until you finally let a moan out and it was music to his ears.

in one swift movement, he pulled your entire dress off of you.

You were bare in front of him, and you looked absolutely beautiful. He hovered over you again, and plants kisses on your neck, slowly moving down, to kiss the valley between your brests, to your stomach, and when he finally reached your clothed mound, looking up at you, he slowly, takes the fabric of your underwear between his teeth and pulls it away, you arch your back as cold air hit your wet pussy, then you feel him place a feather like kiss on your inner thigh, inching closer to your centre, he slowly brings his hand up and places his thumb on your now exposed clit, applying slight pressure and drawing circles, which seemed to make you look at him, moving closer to your pussy, he licked a bold stripe, tasting your arousal, and his eyes rolled back in his head, you could feel his hot breath against your cunt, which was contrasting with the cold air attacking the rest of your body, it made shivers run down your body, and harry looked up at you, as if to ask for approval, you nod your head, not knowing what exactly he wanted to do, but anything would good right now.

You keep looking at him as he moves to come directly above your slit, to you, he was just being cruel, taking his time, mocking your state, but for him, seeing you like this, he was in awe, never had he been so sensual with anyone, never so gentle, no one had ever begged him like this, silently, they were all loud, and harry loved it, but this was different, and your taste was heavenly, nothing like he had before, nothing like hers, yours had a different sweetness, a different scent, and it was making him wild, like an animal, your whimper seems to break him out of this transe as he looks up to see your pained expression, without wasting more time, he ducks down and wraps his lips around your clit, sucking on it, and it made you hiss, without stopping he looks up at you, back arching, breasts in the air, and he didn't know if he was hurting you or if that was a pleasurable sound, so he stops completely, “Don't stop! please!” you cry out and that was all he needed to go back, tongue flicking the sensitive nub, your hands flew to Harry’s hair, pushing his face further into your cunt, it felt right, and it felt good, you try to squeeze your legs together, but he pries them away with one hand and then brings his other hand and holds both your thighs in place, the room was filled with your moans and the sound of him licking you up, he unhooks his left hand from your thigh and goes to grab your right breast, pinching you nipple, your own hand finds his and you hold it from behind.

You then feel a knot in your stomach, and it feels like you might pee, “ha- prince ha-harry!” you mewl and he hums against your pussy, the vibration caused you to moan loudly, “i- i think-”

“Let go.” he says, lips still against your mound, and that was all you needed as you came crashing down, felt like you exploded, you closed your eyes and saw stars till everything went black.

A/N: OMG FINALLY DAMN IT. i hope you enjoy this one really, part will definately be posted more frequently from now on, i was having some personal issues due to which i couldn't post on time. love you all.

stay safe❤️❤️

@strwbrrydaydreams @remuslupinwifee @inlikea-coolway @mypolicemanharryyy @sunshinemoonsposts @stilesissaved @novalunosising @sleutherclaw @dear-mylove @kiy0hime @rafaaoli @st-ev-ie @urmomsksjdjdjsj @lomlhstyles @love-letters-to-uranus @panicattheuc @grace-vega28 @inlovewithfictionalcharacters123 @natykn @ttkttt

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harrywavycurly · 5 months ago

Note

I NEED to know what it was like with Harry following her around the book store holding her stuff for her and maybe he’s asking for baking advice?🩷

Hiii lovey!! I’ll give you a little something with them in the bookstore because I just know Harry was so excited she even invited him in the first place, so enjoy💖

-find all things Southern Comfort here✨

A/N: Harry is in charge of carrying things while you wonder around looking for books that you think you’ll actually read✨

Harry can’t stop smiling. He knows he probably looks a little odd standing in the middle of a used bookstore with a tote bag with the state of Texas on it over his right shoulder and your pink and gold coffee mug that has “cup of ambition” painted on the front of it safely in his left hand, and no matter how odd he knows he might look he can’t find it in him to care. He is taking his job of holding your things very seriously as he watches you pick up a book and turn it over to read the back of it, he raises an eyebrow as you squint your eyes and bring the book closer to your face making him wonder if you wear glasses and just forgot them or if you need to get some.

“Sugar what does this say?” Your voice pulls him from his thoughts as you take a step towards him and raise the book up so he can take it with his free hand. You smile at him as you reach over and take your coffee mug from him so you can take a few sips while Harry looks over the back of the book, you reach up on your tiptoes so you can point to the top corner of the book. “Is that the price?” Harry looks where your finger is pointing and he also finds himself squinting in an attempt to try to read the absurdly small writing.

“It says five dollars I think?” You roll your eyes as you snatch the book out of his hands making him chuckle at your obvious dislike of the price. “Is it not on sale like the others?” He asks as you give him a smile when he reaches for your coffee mug so he can hold it once more while you put the overpriced book back.

“No it’s regular price and while I love a good romance novel I just don’t think one about a cowboy named Richard is worth that much because honestly what cowboy is named Richard? And it says he’s a calf roper and they ain’t nothing but bad news and I just know he’s gonna wreck that poor Mary Anne and not in the good way so back to the bin with him.” Harry feels his eyes go a bit wide as you explain what the book was about and he doesn’t know why the idea of you reading romance novels just makes his cheeks get pink. He knows everyone enjoys a good romance novel but here you are in your shorts and sweatshirt that has “let’s go girls” on it in bright yellow letters and your sunglasses holding your hair out of you face talking to him about cowboy smut.

“Richard is a horrible cowboy name.” He agrees making you laugh and Harry smiles at himself at the fact he made you laugh as he follows behind you when you go down the row and stop at a bin that’s labeled “friends to lovers” and Harry begins to wonder if the two of you have been in the romance section this whole time and he’s just been too distracted to notice.

“What’s your favorite trope honeybuns?” You ask him as you pick up a book and give it a once over. “I’m thinking you’re a slow burn kinda man.” He doesn’t miss the teasing tone of your voice that always seems to make your accent thicken and he grips your coffee mug a little tighter as you turn around so you’re facing him and it’s not until then that he realizes just how closely behind you he’s been standing because the top of the book in your hands touches the middle of his chest.

“I uh don’t uhm-”

“This one seems good it’s about Francine who is good friends with David who honestly sounds like a dream boat and they get trapped in a cabin during a snow storm and it’s the wildest forty eight hours she’s ever had but will their friendship survive?” Harry is enamored with the way you can somehow make the synopsis of a fairly uninteresting book sound so intriguing and while most of it has to do with your accent it’s the way it mixes with the softness of your voice that sucks him in and he knows he would be perfectly content standing here all day listening to you read to him.

You look up at him as if you’re silently asking him if he agrees that the books sounds good and all he can do is nod even though if he’s being honest it doesn’t sound that interesting to him but he can tell you seemed into it. You smile as Harry removes a handle of the tote off his shoulder so you can toss the book into the bag so it can join the few others you had found during the half hour the two of you had been wondering around the store. It takes all of Harry’s willpower not to grab your hand when you turn and begin to walk further down the row of bins, but he knows this is exactly why you handed him your things because it’s your way of setting a boundary with him and he is a gentleman after all so he’s going to respect it and just slide his hand into the pocket of his shorts to grab his phone as he follows behind you. He doesn’t think before he snaps the photo, it’s nothing scandalous it’s just you leaning over the bin of “slow burn” books with a small smile on your face and he can’t help but chuckle to himself when he notices you’re on your tiptoes trying to get to the back of the bin clearly reaching for a specific book.

“Honey can I borrow your-”

“Here you go love.” You smile when Harry just reaches over you and grabs the book you were struggling to reach since it was at the very back of the bin, handing it to you with a smile. His hand lands on the edge of the bin while he looks over your shoulder so he can glance over what the book is about. “Does that say Trisha and Harry?” He asks making you giggle as you nod your head and move the book so he can get a better look at it.

“He’s in love with her but he’s scared to tell her so he drags it out for damn near a decade but when he does finally tell her it’s on her wedding day.” Harry feels his mouth slightly drop at the dramatics of this plot and he already knows you’re going to want to add it to the tote bag.

“Her wedding day? What a twat.” You laugh and shake your head as you turn around and look up at him making him momentary forget how to breathe at how close you are.

“You kiss your momma with that mouth Harry?” Harry feels his cheeks get hot as you slide the book into the tote. “Always forgetting you’re supposed to be a gentleman.” You tease as you take your mug from him and take a few sips as you reach up and playfully tap his chest with your free hand. “Come on sugar let’s go see if they have any books on baking.” With that you shoot him a wink and Harry drops his hand from the edge of the bin so you can walk away from him and towards the cook book section.

“God she’s good.” He mumbles to himself as he finally find himself able to speak, he runs a hand through his hair and lets out a sigh of content before he turns and heads off in the direction of the aisle he just saw you disappear down.

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0nlythrowharrybeaux · 1 year ago

Text

Wonderful World - Part 16^

Sorry it's taken me forever, I appreciate your patience! No warnings for this one, the only angst is just about Diana & Harry's sadness for not being able to be together.

Series Masterlist!

WC: 11.5k

Celeste was more than excited to be at band camp for the next four weeks. Her first few days were a bit weird as she was adjusting; the mattresses on the bunk beds were too hard and the actual structures would creak if you moved around too much. The nights were a lot colder than she anticipated, so she was glad her mom had forced her to pack two sweatshirts. She’d never had to use a communal shower before and it had been a very different experience as some of the older girls were so confident in just walking around in their underwear or weren’t all that self-conscious about their boobs showing for a second before putting on their bras or tops. She and Geri had been so good about making little changing rooms for each other out of their towels and even would wear cover-ups despite their (one-piece bathing suits) on the days they’d get to use the pool. Ben didn’t seem to mind it though, he always seemed excited to see her during the free activities time and they’d have plenty to talk about after their instrument lessons. And now, they were sat around the camp fire, some people were playing and singing songs right up front. She had chosen a seat closer to the back with Geri, Ozzy, Ben, and a couple more kids from their school.

She and Ozzy were currently singing along to “Just the Way You Are” when Ben came up with a plate of s’mores for their small group. Everyone took one before he sat down beside her and laughed softly.

“You’ve got marshmallow all over your chin.” He said and she groaned and rubber her hand along it, feeling the little strings being rolled into little crumbs with the friction.

“Thanks.” She said and he nodded before biting into his own deliciously melty treat.

She continued singing along with Ozzy who then encouraged her to join the choir at school next year and she immediately declined. Ben also encouraged her, telling her she sang really well and she was all bashful as she shook off his compliment. They hadn’t really held hands directly in front of her friends before, but they really wanted to and kept exchanging these looks that were making her tummy flutter in the best way. The continued making conversation as a group, but she was moving further into Ben’s side. Not only because she was cold, but because she just wanted to be near him. When Geri and Ozzy started talking to one of their other friends from the brass section Ben immediately turned to her.

“So how has your first week been?” He asked softly.

“Really good. I like my teachers, our camp counselor is also really cool with us, she’s a music major in college. I didn’t know you could do that.” She said and Ben also looked surprised at this as they got to talking even more. He also shared about his own week and about the friends he’d made with his cabin-mates and all the while they were just slowly being sucked into their own little world.

Celeste literally felt like there were currents of electricity constantly traveling through her body when Ben would smile. She felt floaty and like her heart would leap out of her chest when his leg would lightly brush hers. She was getting impatient to have more of him and so she just interrupted a story he was telling her to ask him her question.

“M’sorry to interrupt you, but can I ummm…can I hold your hand?” She asked in the smallest voice and his smiled went wide.

“Yes, of course.” He responded to her eagerly and soon their hands were connected as their fingers intertwined into each others on her lap and she smiled up at him happily before nuzzling into his side to stay warm, “Y’smell really nice.” He hummed and she moved away to look up at him.

“Yeah? You like it?” She asked and he nodded with a timid smile, “OK.” She smiled before nestling back into his side. Suddenly a gust of wind came and everyone groaned and whinged and she buried herself closer to him.

“Hold on.” Ben hummed and released her hand before shrugging off the wind breaker he had on, “Let me give you my crewneck, this other jacket is pretty warm.” He said and she smiled at him bashfully.

“Are you sure?” She asked and he nodded.

“Yeah, of course.” He insisted and stood to tear off his crewneck. He did have a shirt on underneath it, so he was layered enough to stay warm, while she was just in a long-sleeved shirt that she had packed by pure coincidence because her sweaters were dirty after being worn all week.

“Thank you so much.” She hummed as he helped her get it on, they both giggled as she struggled to find the arm hole.

“Here, I’ve got it.” He smiled and held it out for her to get her arm through.

“Thanks.” She said as she glanced up at him, he was so close and there was a new and tense flinging between them as they just looked into each other’s eyes.

“Celeste, do you want to come to the bathroom with us?” One of the girls sitting with their group asked, causing her to turn around and break eye contact with Ben.

“Yes, actually!” She said with a smile and then turned around with a big smile, “I’ll be right back.” She said to Ben and he nodded before he watched her scurry off with Geri and the other girl, Sierra. He then turned to Ozzy and sighed.

“Oz, do you think Celeste’s mom would let her date?” He asked and Ozzy smiled.

“Ummm, I think so? Miss Beltran is pretty cool.” He shrugged and Ben nodded.

“OK.”

“So you like her a lot?” Ozzy asked. He was protective of Celeste and Geri, they had been friends since the fourth grade and he just wanted to make sure that no one would be messing with their feelings.

“Yeah, I do. I want to get to know her a bit more over camp and hopefully by the time we get back there’s been enough of that to be able to ask her to be my girlfriend.” He explained and this made Ozzy happy for Celeste, especially after the year she’d had.

“What made you like her?” He asked and Ben smiled.

“Well after what…happened to her at school,” he started and Ozzy nodded with a slight frown, “I saw her being nice to the girl that had been bullying her one time by the practice rooms.” He explained, “And I just thought that was really cool of her and then when she came with your group to the dance I knew she was being for real about being nice to her. My brother’s girlfriend’s sister is in her friend group and I heard they basically unfriended her when she came out to them.” He said and Ozzy nodded in confirmation, “But like after everything she did to Celeste I think she kind of deserved it, you know? But it was just really cool to see her not stoop to that level. I have older sisters as well so I’ve seen and heard a lot of the girl drama and how petty they can be towards each other. Like I know it can get pretty bad, so it was nice to see she’s not like that and that was what made me like her more. I mean apart from her being so…fucking beautiful….” He confessed nervously and Ozzy smiled. “You’ve never liked either of your friends?” Ben asked.

“I mean I think they’re both pretty, and well, I did have a crush on Celeste in middle school.” He admitted, “But it went away really fast because I got a bit closer to Geri since we had more periods together and started liking her.” He said, “But I think I was more afraid to lose them as friends and then when we got to high school I started going out with a girl from choir after I asked her to homecoming, but I don’t really see them like that anymore. They’re more like sisters to me now.” He explained and Ben nodded in understanding.

“Well you’re a good friend for looking out for them, Oz.”

“Thanks. I mean, they look out for me just as much, so it’s nice when the friendships aren’t one-sided.” He smiled and Ben nodded in agreement.

“Well I just see how close you guys are and I just want you to know that if Celeste does want to go out with me I don’t want to like…just take her away from you guys. I mean, hopefully we can all get to know each other and be friends as well. Like I know we’re cool, but like I’ve kind of seen how my older sister kind of forgot about us after getting a boyfriend and now she never visits from college.” He chuckled, “Like I get that when you like someone that much you want to be around them all the time, but like I think it’s also not cool to just abandon everyone over a boyfriend or girlfriend, so I just wanted you to know that.” Ben said and Ozzy thanked him for seeing that and being mindful of it.

The two continued talking about more things as they got to know each other a bit better until the girls came back and soon Celeste was back beside Ben, fingers intertwined as they started to tell spooky stories around the campfire.

***********

Diana’s week had been miserable, she was kind of happy that Celeste had forgotten about her for the last couple of days because she had spent them in bed mostly, nursing her aching heart. She would only climb out and sleek her hair back into a haphazard bun for her online lectures. She had forgone makeup, even her mascara, for the whole week which was a huge deal because she always put in some sort of effort, but she just didn’t have the capacity at the moment.

Diana hadn’t felt this kind of sadness and disappointment in years. She had recently felt like she had been able to fully accept and move on from Wesley and what had happened to him and now this? It wasn’t fair and for the sake of transparency, it depressed her. She felt like she was destined to be alone. And this whole time her emotions had been swelling as she watched “Comet”, this film always did the job…right person, wrong time, the what if’s, the squandered possibilities…she couldn’t hold her tears back anymore and she just started to sob as she watched the characters on screen accept defeat. She knew their kind of pain, she understood the way he looked at her with such hopelessness, but there was still a hint of happiness because the person he loved had found what they’d both been looking for…it ruined her and perpetuated her pain and it felt so good to just sob loudly and feel the pangs of hurt pulsing through her pains, making her clutch to the long sleeves of her crewneck tightly before she just brought one up and wiped under her nose without a care in the world for it being gross. She couldn’t even see her screen from how many tears were blurring her vision, and suddenly she regretted even indulging in a comfort meal because her stomach was twisting from how gut-wrenching the pain of a failed love felt as the credits rolled.

“So fucking stupid…” she muttered to herself as she shoved the covers off of her body and made her way into the bathroom to pee, “It’s not like I haven’t seen the fucking movie a bajillion times…” she whispered to herself as she blew her nose in the meantime. When she got up to the vanity to wash her hands she looked at her reflection and felt so fucking pathetic about it all. And then her doorbell started ringing and she groaned and dried her hands before getting her slippers on and rushing downstairs in her dark home. The sun had just set, so there was some visibility, but it was dwindling quickly. And when she looked through the peephole and saw Grace looking all cute and dressed up she groaned and quickly swung the door open. “I’m so sorry I totally forgot about our plans.” She said immediately and Grace frowned a bit as she took in her best friend’s appearance.

Diana was hardly one to be messy and disheveled, but here she was looking a total wreck, something akin to when they first met, at that time Diana was working two jobs, going to school full-time, caring for a 9 month old baby, and still grieving her first love. Understandably, she was a wreck. Grace’s featured softened as she took in her friend and just stepped forward and hugged her tight, which led Diana to break down once again.

“I’m OK. I’m OK. I’m OK.” She whispered over and over as she stayed in her embrace. Grace had no idea if she was saying this to appease her or herself and it made her heart break for her as she pulled back to look into her tearful and swollen eyes.

“Yeah, you will be.” She said to her and Diana just nodded before sniffling.

“Please, just go without me. I’m not even ready and like, as much as I wish I could get drunk, I don’t think I have the energy to be at the bar right now.” She said and Grace offered a kind smile.

“Yeah, I get that. How about we bring the bar to you?” She asked and Diana sighed.

“Don’t ruin your night for me…” she assured and Grace nodded.

“We’re not ruining it, s’just a little modification to the plan. We can go and get changed into something more casual, pick up some food and some alcohol, make drinks, play some games? Maybe even have a sleep over if you’re cool with that?” She suggested, “We’ll be back in an hour or so, give you some time to mentally prepare for company and to freshen up.” She said and Diana sniffled.

“If we’re doing a sleepover why do I need to freshen up?” She mumbled as she wiped at her teary eyes with her sleeve.

“I love you so much so I’ll be honest with you.” She said and Diana sniggered through her sniffles, “Your hair reeks of dry shampoo and you’ve got snot all over your sleeve, and about three different stains on your sweater so I know you’ve gotten at least a week’s worth of use out of this guy.” She said tugging at the fabric of her crewneck and Diana started to laugh softly as Grace smiled at her friend.

“S’my emotional support crewneck.” She excused and Grace smiled, “And showering just seemed really hard, m’sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Di. I mean, at least you don’t smell like B.O. or ass.” She said and that made the two laugh again, “So what do you say to the change of plans, hmmm?” She asked and after contemplating it for a moment Diana nodded.

“Yeah, could use some company.” She said and Grace nodded.

“OK.”

“Also, please let Henry know that he absolutely does not need to be part of this. I’m sure he’s been dealing with Harry as well.” She said and Grace’s smile dropped a bit.

“Ummm, actually we haven’t really spoken to him since the whole voicemail thing. He said he needed some time or something and apparently he moved up his vacation and flew back to England for a couple weeks.” She said and Diana frowned a bit.

“Oh, well I hope he’s doing OK.” She said softly.

“Yeah, me too.” She said. And after finalizing their plans Grace headed off and Diana immediately headed to the kitchen to take out her garbage and also wash the dishes that had been collected there over the week and then she hurried up to have a shower.

Everything was more or less back in order by the time Grace and Henry got back honestly, she had a great time with the two. They played the What Do You Meme game, which had them all in stitches and then played a drinking game as they watched a TV show and honestly, it had definitely helped to life her spirits. In her drunkenness she sent a short vide to Celeste of the three of them together being silly and playfully scolding her for not texting her for the last couple of days and then they ended up texting back and forth for a bit before it was “lights out” for Celeste.

They all went to bed around 1:30am quite drunk off their asses, but when Diana woke up a couple hours later, throat feeling absolutely dry and body aching from drinking while dehydrated she quietly rolled out of bed and quietly made her way downstairs. She squinted when she saw that the kitchen light was already on and she heard some hushed talking, it was Henry. She crept down lower and decided to eavesdrop because this might be the only news she’d get about Harry. She assumed it was Harry because who else would be in a timezone that required Henry to be on a phone call at nearly 4am. She was now standing quietly around the corner as she heard him humming as he listened to whatever was being said.

“Well I get why you might need a little distance from here right now, H. But I just want to remind you that everything’s still gonna be here when you come back, you know? Like if you’re going to continue seeing Celeste you’ll still have to face Diana…you’re having an existential crisis over Diana?” He asked and then went silent again, “Wait. Hold on, hold on, hold on… Rebecca’s pregnant?” Henry asked in shock and this made Diana’s stomach sink and for a lump to form in her throat. She couldn’t help it when she hurried into the kitchen with shock in her eyes.

“Rebecca’s pregnant?” Diana asked with a frown and tearful eyes, as soon as Henry heard her, he whipped around.

“Shit. H, I have to call you back…yes, it’s her. I’ll call you back!” He said before hanging up and hurrying to Diana as her tears started to trickle down her cheeks, “S’not what it sounds like.” He said right away and she shook her head.

“I think that’s exactly what it sounds like, Henry…” she said as she walked past him and to the fridge to grab a water bottle.

“Well Rebecca being pregnant yes, but it has nothing to do with Harry, he hasn't done anything to his vasectomy." he assured her, "She’s having a baby with Eddie, they’re engaged.” He explained and that made relief flood through her body and she literally felt her body relax.

“Oh.” She said and Henry smiled at her just a bit, “Nearly had a heart attack. I’m sorry for eavesdropping, I just came to get some water.” She explained herself.

“It’s alright.” He said softly and they both glanced down to his phone on the counter as a surge texts started coming in. “Shit, I think I freaked him out. Shouldn’t have said it was you.” He said as he reached for it and she sighed as she opened up the water bottle and drank as Henry started texting away, assuring Harry that he had clarified the information to Diana. “He said that he’s having an existential crisis over you and that whole thing with Rebecca. Says they ran into each other at a pizza parlor and decided to catch up. He was caught off guard because she had been so strict about them following her timeline and whatnot that like it makes him wonder if maybe she just didn’t really want anything serious with him. And that after having that conversation with you about things not working out it just made him feel a bit hopeless about his own future and he just wanted to go distract himself for a bit.” He said as he read Harry’s texts to her.

“Yeah, I get that.” She said as she set the water bottle down after closing it. She watched as he glanced down at his phone as it chimed softly again, indicating another text had come in and he saw his eyes soften a bit as he read over the words but decided not to tell her anything about that one and he just started texting back quickly before his eyes met hers again.

“That one was for you, but I don’t think it’ll help to hear what he said.” Henry explained and she bit her lip to suppress her frown and she nodded.

“Just don’t tell him how big of a wreck I’ve been, OK? Don’t want him to feel bad or like it’s his fault.”

“Yeah, don’t worry.” He assured and she sighed. “I feel so stupid for just…continuing on, pretending like we ever had a chance, you know?”

“If it helps, he feels the same. He feels more responsible because he feels like he lied to you and gave you false hopes since he knew the risks the whole time. I think he wants you to be angry at him for it, for keeping that from you.”

“I can’t be angry at him for that…it wouldn’t be fair, we both know better.” She said quietly. “Celeste was telling me that she hopes he can be her therapist for as long as he can, kind of like how I’ve been with my own therapist.” She explained, “And like…I’m really scared that I’m gonna love him forever and always be… like this.” She said and he frowned.

“I mean…if that’s the case with Celeste then maybe there’ll be someone else for each of you?” He suggested with hope and she smiled politely.

“Maybe…” She responded unenthusiastically because she didn’t want that. She wanted the way he made her feel. She wanted the way he loved her and appreciated her. She wanted the love and care he had for Celeste. She didn’t want anyone else, she wanted him.

“I know that it must hurt, but you’re doing the right thing, the hard thing. You’re so strong, Diana-”

“You know, I’m so sick of hearing that, Henry. I’m tired of being strong.” She said to him, “I’m tired of always hurting. I’m tired of having to be the brave one and of having to think of others before myself all the fucking time…I’ve just…I’ve been losing for so long.” Her voice cracked as her tears started to fall down her cheeks, “It’s not fair.” She whispered and Henry frowned as he saw her facade completely crumble, “I don’t know how long I can go on like this.” She inhaled sharply, “I can’t even talk to my fucking therapist about this without risking Harry losing his job…” she said as she gasped for air through her tears, “Like it’s just so, so lonely.” She whimpered and he just put his phone down and hugged her tight wordlessly.

Henry didn’t know what to do except to just hold her. There really was nothing to say, she was giving and giving and giving and never getting anything in return and the moment someone was starting to give back it had to blow up in her face. He knew that Harry loved her and that he loved Celeste. And somehow, this was all in her little 15-year-old hands, but she had no idea and well, how could they ask Celeste to just change her dynamic with Harry when he had been of an immense support to her as her therapist. If they were to become a family their dynamic wouldn’t be the same, it would change drastically and of course they couldn’t ask that of her. And it’s not like Harry and Diana planned to fall for each other, like all of the perfect things in life, it just happened effortlessly.

“God, we were barely anything…this is ridiculous. Doesn’t warrant this reaction.” She said as she reached up to wipe at her tears and he pulled back from their hug. He wanted to tell her that what she and Harry felt for each other was the real thing, but he didn’t. Sometimes you just have to tell yourself things like that in order to cope better with the loss of it, so he didn’t say anything about it. “Thank you for listening to me.” She finally said and he nodded, “Sorry for interrupting your call with Harry.” She sniffled.

“S’alright, he gets it.” Henry assured and she smiled lightly.

“Alright, m’gonna go back to bed, but thank you again for staying over with Grace and trying to cheer me up, I need to get that meme game for Celeste.” She said and he chuckled.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get one for her for Christmas.” He said and she chuckled.

“You know, she’s really lucky to have you guys.” Diana exhaled, “As am I.” She said with a small smile before she made her way back upstairs.

**********

Harry was a completely nervous wreck as he waited for Henry to get back to him after what Diana had walked in on. He hoped that Henry was sharing the information he had been texting him with her so that all of the information about what was going on was clear. He stopped texting back after a few minutes and his knee was bouncing up and down impatiently as he waited for something else to come in from Henry. He was on the brink of a nervous breakdown, but thankfully the door to the office he had been occupying opened up slightly and he saw Enid, the main receptionist from his parents’ clinic peek inside.

“Mr. Styles, your parents just got in.” She informed with a kind smile and he nodded.

“Oh, great. Thanks, Enid.” he said and she just smiled politely before backing out and shutting the door. He texted Henry that he didn’t have to call back and that he’d catch up with him another day.

Harry’s parents had been speaking at a conference in Austria when he dropped in on them, so he’d been using one of the empty offices to conduct his sessions online since he had left rather abruptly. He just needed some distance between him and Diana, especially since he knew that she lived 10 minutes away at the most and was all alone since Celeste had left for camp (he’d texted her to wish her good luck). He just wanted to see Diana and hear her voice, look into her eyes, hold her…he had to go because he clearly had no resolve when it came to her. And now he’d been here for a few days and his parents were finally back. They were going to have lunch. So he closed his laptop and grabbed his phone and wallet before locking up the office and heading to his mother’s office first.

“Hey mum.” He said as he peeked in to see her logging in to her computer. She glanced up and smiled wide.

“Hi, my darling!” She greeted happily, immediately standing up and he hurried in and wrapped her smaller frame up in his arms. “How’ve you been?” She asked as she smushed her cheek against his and then reared back to look into his eyes.

“Ummm, alright I suppose.” He hummed with a smile, but as she looked into his eyes her smile dropped a bit and he was about to give her a small scolding for trying to read him like one of her clients (because they all had a rule about this), but thankfully they were interrupted by his father.

“H!” He greeted enthusiastically and Harry turned quickly and stepped into his father’s embrace.

“Dad, look at this!” Harry chuckled at his father’s new hair style, it was longer and slightly slicked back. He looked a lot more relaxed and causal than he usually did.

“Do you like it?” He asked and before Harry could let him know that he did indeed like this look on him, his mother chimed in.

“Of course he’s gonna say he likes it! But you need to snap out of this phase, Bill.”

“Phase?” Harry asked and she sighed.

“You haven’t told him, Bill?” She asked and he pouted a bit and turned to his dad who had the most unamused expression on his face.

“Heather, you’re talking about me like I’ve got a terminal illness.” He said with a slight scowl and Harry relaxed upon hearing his dad say this. He always had that fear in the back of his head since he was hardly ever around them, and maybe this reinforced the idea he always had of being more intentional of spending more time with his parents. He had no intention of ever moving back to England, but he could do more to nurture the relationship with his parents, they weren’t getting any younger.

“Well it might as well be if you’re not careful!” She warned and Harry chuckled at their bickering.

“So what is the phase?” He asked his dad with a grin.

“I’ve joined a bike club-”

“It’s a motorcycle gang!” His mother cut in and he and his dad chuckled at her exaggeration.

“It is not…and it’s not a phase, it’s a hobby.” he tutted and Harry smirked, “I thought it was neat when you tried it out and so I started to learn. It has helped though, s’given me something to do other than work. I’m trying to reduce the stress, don’t want to be taking too many medications.” He explained and Harry nodded.

“Well that’s great, dad! It’s nice you’re doing something for yourself.” Harry assured, “I haven’t ridden since university, but maybe we can have a little trek up North or even just to Brighton while I’m here?” He suggested and his father nodded.

“Yes, son. I’d really enjoy that.” He assured and Harry nodded.

“We’ll plan something.”

“Well, apart from that news…” he said, “I wanted to drop in really quickly because I was asked, quite at the last minute, to join a panel for culturally inclusive mental health training and I think it’s rather important I go, so it’ll just be you and mum for lunch.” He said and Harry nodded.

“Yeah, of course. Sounds important.”

“Very much so.” He agreed and so they all made small talk as they made their way out. His mum had their driver take them to the restaurant they would be eating at, well really it was a pub that admittedly was his family’s guilty pleasure, they had the best classics. So as they sat there eating away Harry’s mum was trying to bring up that look in his eyes as discretely as possible.

She knew that Harry loved her and his dad, but when he was growing up, their clinics started to grow exponentially and unprecedentedly and so she knew that they didn’t spend a lot of time with each other. That always weighed so heavily on their hearts because as psychologists of their caliber, they knew what children needed to flourish. And while they had given Harry everything they could to ensure he would be a well rounded and healthy individual, they just weren’t all that close on a personal level. The evidence was in the fact that he lived in another country, but he was successful there and happy. Well except now, something was on his heart and on his mind, she could see it and she wanted to help, but she had no idea if she even had the right to ask without him thinking that she was just prying or trying to psychoanalyze him.

“Darling, I’ve got to ask.” She said and he looked up from his plate, “Why are you here?” She asked and he smiled a bit.

“Well, I always visit you two in the summer-”

“Right, but you weren’t due here for another two weeks. I know you think that I’m mostly unaware of half the things on my calendar, but I always know when you’re coming for a visit.” She said and he smiled.

“I just…missed you.” He said and she sighed.

“Sweetheart, I’m sure you did, as much as we have missed you, but I know that’s not it.” She said and his smile faltered a bit.

“It’s nothing serious. Just needed a little break.” He assured and she sighed.

“H, listen. I know that when you were younger your dad and I weren’t always available for you. And trust me, I really wish someone had shown me that I can be both a good mum and a great doctor-”

“You’re an incredible mum-”

“Leaving you with nannies hardly constitutes good parenting…I wasn’t there for you like I should’ve been, especially when we finally had the means to.” she said with a small frown and he reached for her head. “So why should you even trust me now?” She questioned.

“No mum, don’t say that. I get why you and dad had to do what you did, you’ve helped a lot of people!”

“Yet the most important person, our only son, chose to live and ocean and a country away from us.” She said and he sighed.

“That was more about me than you. I never fit in with the people here, mum. It wasn’t because of you and dad, I mean…did you inspire me to be able to just do my own thing, of course! But I wasn’t trying to avoid you two.” He assured her.

“So why are you trying to avoid me now?” She asked and he chuckled, “Have been since you gave me that look in the office-”

“Mum, we do not psychoanalyze each other.” He reminded and she smiled.

“I’m not being a psychologist right now, H. I just want to listen and be here for you as your mum.” She said and he bit his lip, “I can see that you’re…hurting. And I just want you to know that if…it was something that you needed help with or wanted to talk about, you can trust me with it. I want to be here for you and build trust with you. I want to help make it better.” She said tentatively as her eyes met his and he bit his lip to give himself something to think about other than the hurt in his heart. And well, as much as he just wanted to escape from his problems he also felt a tug at his heart to just be vulnerable with his mother. To give her a chance to build trust with him, to build a relationship with her.

“I am hurting a bit.” He admitted and her eyes softened as he admitted this to her.

“Is it something to do with Rebecca?” She asked and his eyebrows arched up in surprise.

“Oh God, I haven’t even told you that we ended things months ago.” He said and his mother pouted, “Yeah…she slept with someone else.” He explained and her eyebrows creased, “Which was fine, I mean turns out we were both settling and I mean, we ended things on really good terms and well also because I was…kind of infatuated with someone else and I…ended up falling in love with her.” He explained, “But ummm, that’s not going to work out.” He said softly and she nodded with a sad look in her eyes.

“I see. And why is that?” She asked and he sighed.

“She’s ummm…” he chuckled dryly, hoping that she wouldn’t flip out on him. Sure she had said she was listening as a parent, not a professional, but this was pretty bad, “She’s a patient’s mum.” He said and her eyes widened a bit and there were a few moments of silence as he watched her mull over his words. And he was expecting a disappointed look or sigh before he got a proper talking to but it never came.

“Oh…” was all his mother said in surprise and he nodded.

“Trust me, I know…” he groaned quietly, “Her name is Diana.” He said and she nodded, urging him to go on, “It was literally one of those things that just happened to me absolutely involuntarily…when I looked into her eyes for the first time I just…knew that I was fucked.” He said with a genuine smile on his face and she smiled as she watched him light up as he recalled the moment he met this person. “She felt it too -er…feels it.” He explained, “We tried to…only make it about business but life just kept throwing us into the same paths. Like her best friend doesn’t believe in relationships, but then ended up dating Henry and they’re like madly in love! And she’s a professor at the university I was asked to teach at…Like we were so interconnected and it was so inevitable.” He said and she nodded as she listen. “And ummm, we told each other we loved each other and then we were going on our first date and like started talking about the outcomes of us pursuing a relationship and like I explained to her that if the wrong person found out I could…lose everything and when she learned that she just, put me first. Like she always does for others.”

“And her child?”

“Her name is Celeste, she’s just turned 15. They came to me because she was being severely bullied at school.” He explained and she frowned “She’s the most smart and talented girl! She’s so clever and so mature and just so open minded. I learn just as much from her than she does from me.” He gushed and his mum smiled at his excitement, “I ummm…I love her too and obviously, it’s impacted the way I work with her.” He said more solemnly, “And like…Diana is such a wonderful mother to her. She’s done such a great job and like I’ve been able to see pieces of me and of Diana in Celeste and I just…feel so proud of her, but I want to do right by them both. Specially Celeste, with her being a patient of mine. So far, I think I’ve been objective, but it’s getting harder to be. I just…can’t help but feel stupid for allowing this to happen. Like I should have stopped it from the start. I knew better.”

“Right, but the heart wants what it wants, H.”

“Evidently so.” He hummed with a small smile. “Her daughter is also really averse to her dating yet. She’s afraid to lose her mum and she’s also afraid to lose me and like…I can’t betray her trust like that.” He shook his head.

“Well you love her as well don’t you?” She asked and he nodded, “Then maybe tell the girl you love her too and that it’s getting harder to just treat her like any other patient. At one point that parental instinct is going to take over and it could not only create a rift between you and Celeste, but also between you and Diana. No parents likes to see other people trying to parent their children; it’s just a line that we should never cross. And well, I think she’s a bit anxiously attached to her mother with this fear of losing her. I mean, you can’t possibly be at her every beck and call for the rest of her life, so you also need to make sure that in being there for her you’re not allowing her to create the same attachment with you.” His mother expressed and well, Harry had never even considered that. “I mean, you’ve got to be honest with her because I mean…if it were to go wrong you could really hurt them both.” She said and he nodded.

“I know that, I see that. And like…I’m scared that…everything’s at stake and that I’m gonna lose them both. And I don’t want to lose them. I need them and like…I think they both need me and I would happily be what they needed.” He said and she nodded.

“Yeah, that’s very justified.” She said as some silence came between them, “And just to clarify…what we’re talking about here is the possibility of you…being a father figure to this girl, right?” She asked and he sighed but nodded.

“Yeah.” He confirmed, “I mean…if she’d want that. Well her and Diana.” He explained, “Like…after letting them into my heart I suddenly feel so full. I never realized how much I was just going through the motions before them.” He explained, “And like…when we’ve had the chance to…be together, the three of us,” he said and she nodded, “It just…it feels really good and I know that we’d make a great team.” He smiled and his mum smiled right back at him.

“You mean a great family.” She said and he his cheeks flushed timidly and he shrugged.

“I just don’t like to say it because…if I let it become too real of a hope and it doesn’t happen it’ll crush me. More than now.” He said solemnly and she nodded in understanding.

“I understand.” She said and squeezed his hand a bit. “I mean, it is dangerous ground you’re on, H. But I just…I don’t want you to fall into the same thing your dad and I did. I mean, I’m proud of your drive and work ethic and I am so happy that your practice is doing well-”

“Thanks to my generous investors.” He said and she chuckled.

“That’s our job as your parents, to help you and do what we can to make your dreams come true.” She smiled, “And I wish I could do something to help you with this.” She said and he smiled, “I do want you to have what you’re describing with Diana and Celeste. I think you’d be an incredible father and partner. And I just hope that it works out somehow.”

“Thanks mum.” He said and she nodded.

“So you’d be a father, but not have babies though?” She asked and he chuckled.

“No…there’s lot of babies out there already.” He explained, “And well, Diana doesn’t want any more kids either.” He said and she smiled.

“So it’s just the one for her?”

“Yeah.”

“Where’s the dad? If I can ask that.” She asked.

“Yeah, of course. He ummm, he died. He was Diana’s first boyfriend, her first love, and they got together their senior year of high school and were going to different colleges and were making the most of their time together.” He explained, “So it was a total accident. But ummm, anyway, a few weeks before they were off to college a drunk driver ran a red light and killed him. She didn’t find out she was pregnant until a few months later.” He explained and his mum frowned with sympathy in her eyes.

“Oh my god, that’s horrible. What about her family?” She asked and well Harry started sharing it all with his mum and they were talking for nearly three hours and he told her everything about Diana. He could feel his heart pounding with excitement at the ability to be able to talk about her as much as he wanted.

And well, towards the end they did get into the hurt and his feelings about everything, and maybe he did have a few beers with his mum, which he never thought he would, but it was a fun time and he was feeling back to himself for at least a bit. And over dinner with his parents he couldn’t help but imagine Diana and Celeste sitting at the empty seats at the table. He just knew that she and his mum would get along just fine. And well, Harry got his own musical taste and talents from his father, so he could imagine Celeste and his dad learning to play some classic rock songs

and they could all sing along together. He could imagine her freaking out as he took her to Abbey Road Studios, he had a friend who worked there and he would surely give them a private tour. He also wanted to pose with her and Diana as they made it across the crosswalk for the infamously tacky, yet completely necessary photo op - it would make a great holiday card. And well, Harry felt kind of stuck because even when he tried to put distance between them, all he could think about was getting to have the life he wanted with them. The life he knew they all deserved.

**********

“I want him to be my first kiss.” Celeste whispered and Geri’s eyes widened and she covered her mouth as she gasped as to keep their conversation hushed. They were currently facing each other on Geri’s bed during their free time. It was raining today so all of their outside activities had been canceled and they opted to hang out in their cabin rather than attend the Avengers marathon they were putting on in the auditorium.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah…I get all…fluttery in my tummy when he’s around and like…I don’t know. I just feel so out of whack around him. And like out of control! Like I need this.” She said with a giggle and Geri bit her lip as she nodded, “You’ve never felt like that?” She asked her friend and Geri shrugged and shook her head.

“Not really no.” she said with a timid smile, “I ummm…I thinking that I’m either a super late bloomer or just…not into people like that, maybe?” She explained tentatively

“I see.” Celeste nodded in understanding.

“Like…what if Ben is your first kiss and then turns out you didn’t really like him? Or like are you sure you even like him enough to want that with him?”

“I mean, I think I do?” She giggled, “I’m not sure. Even without the emotional stuff I still feel…drawn to him. Like attracted I guess?”

“Oh OK.” She nodded, “Yeah, I’m not really sure that I’ve felt that way before, like…liked someone enough to feel that.” She said and Celeste smiled.

“Well maybe you will one day?” She said hopefully and Geri smiled.

“Yeah, maybe.”

Despite Geri not relating, she let Celeste get all her fears, doubts, worries, and excitement out. She was an incredible friend and Celeste felt so lucky to have her and Ozzy by her side this whole time, especially now as she was starting to have these new feelings towards Ben. He made her feel so pretty and happy, it was so wonderful and she just couldn’t wait to see what the rest of the weeks at camp had in store for them.

*********

The weeks had dragged by for Diana, but at least Celeste only had one more week at camp. She had been mostly bound to her bedroom, but today she wanted to do something different, so after she had her dinner she decided to go to a summertime concert, a tribute to George Gershwin, it was at the university’s open air auditorium. Faculty member’s got four free tickets each season which was a pretty good deal, after the four you had to pay at a discounted price. She had reserved a spot for this show because she just wanted to do something different on her own. She always loved music but had neglected it after high school considering her boyfriend’s death, a pregnancy, and then everything after that. But she still loved listening to it and she was excited to be there for some live music.

They weren’t allowed to drink in the general campus area (unless there was a permitted event), so she was just parked on the roof of one of the structures and having a bit of wine from her little travel tumbler. Most of the people had little picnics on the green before the concert, so despite the very many cars here, everyone was down by the auditorium already and no one could judge her for drinking. She was sat in the car with her door wide open and her nose scrunched up a bit when she got a whiff of someone smoking weed not too far from her. She was curious about it, so she got out of her car and just wandered to the ledge of the parking structure, acting as if she were just looking over it and from her peripheral she saw someone two cars down from her and when she glanced over, they glanced to her at the same time. Her heart leapt and broke as Harry’s eyes met with hers. It was only natural that they smiled at each other as they hadn’t really seen each other in a while, but their smiles weren’t wide and excited like they usually were. She didn’t like how tense it felt right now so she just spoke up.

“You’re back.” She pointed out with a smile and he nodded as he smashed the end of his joint against the concrete ledge and cleared his throat.

“Yeah, got in a couple days ago.” He shared and she nodded and smiled.

“So does this mean you’re faculty now or did you pay?” She asked.

“Oh, Dr. Hsu actually gave me the ticket as a thank you for deciding to stay on to adjunct at the very least.” He said and she smiled.

“Well I’m glad you were able to come to a decision. Do you feel good about it?” She asked.

“Yeah, I do.” He confirmed and she smiled. He had no idea why he was so awkward right now, he was still processing that she was really right there, a few feet from him. What were the odds? “What’ve you got there?” He asked eyeing her flask and he would kick himself if he could at how stupid his question was, but he just needed to say something before she left.

“Oh, just a bit of wine.” She said and before she could talk herself out of it she spoke up again, “Want some?” She offered and he smiled, this time it did reach his eyes.

“Ummm, yeah sure.” He said as he scooted past the two cars between them and she extended the tumbler to him. “Thanks. Do you want a hit?” He asked and she shrugged.

“Yeah, I’ll try.” She said softly and he took a swig from the wine and then passed it over again so that he could light up the joint again. Once he did he blew off the burnt parts at the end and then passed it over to her. She studied it for a moment before she brought it to her lips.

“Slowly, it’s quite strong.” He warned and her eyes flickered up to his as she inhaled slowly and held it for a few seconds before she started to to cough, the fine smoke traveled too far down and was burning her throat. “Oh shit.” He said coming up to her and taking the joint to allow her to try and drink some wine down to just lubricate her throat just a bit. She coughed for a bit more, here eyes were tearful, but she finally inhaled properly and shook her head.

“Geez.” She chuckled before clearing her throat again.

“Sorry.” He said and she shook her head and dabbed at her eyes a bit.

“S’alright, I think smoking is just not for me.” She giggled and he smiled.

“I mean same, but these were on sale so I just figured I’d just get them…” he said and she smiled. There was a beat of silence that felt so tense and unfamiliar, it was sad really, “It feels weird now, doesn’t it?” He asked her and she nodded in confirmation that she felt it too.

“I’ve just been trying to figure out why.” She said, “Like, I thought we left things OK when we last spoke. Like we’re OK, right?” She asked.

“We are, I promise I’m not like upset at you or anything other than the circumstance.” He assured, “But I think maybe we’re just…protecting ourselves?” He said and she bit her lip and hummed pensively. He took another drag of the joint and exhaled it.

“That makes sense…I do feel…defensive almost.” She explained, “Like I had to just pretend like…” she sighed and just looked down at her shoes instead.

“Like what?” He asked and she glanced back up to him.

“Like you don’t affect me.” She said, her eyebrows creased in frustration. “Like I haven’t been basically bedridden for the past 3 weeks over how much it hurts me to love you.” She said and he pouted. “And the shitty thing is that personally, there’s no reason for why I shouldn’t. And it feels like I’m…fading away.” She said sadly, “Like it physically hurts. My heart literally hurts and I haven’t felt that way in a long time and I just…never wanted to feel this again.” She confessed.

“The hurt?” He asked as he extinguished the remnants of the joint.

“No. The…love that leads to the hurt.” She said and he frowned, “It always does…sooner or later.” She said and he nodded.

“Well yeah, nothing lasts forever.” He concluded and she hummed. He didn’t feel like being the optimistic and idealistic therapist right now, he wanted to feel the hurt with her. He wanted it to suck, he wanted the feelings to just be out in the open because this way they weren’t stuck inside of him making him feel like he was suffocating. He ached too, his chest felt tight and heavy, his stomach twisted when he remembered her telling him that it just wasn’t going to work. He hadn’t been that disappointed in so long… “Told my mum about you and Celeste.” He said and her eyes met his again.

“Did she get upset at you?”

“No, she was really openminded and she just listened.” He said and smiled, “She said she was sorry not being around as much before and like she’s felt guilty all these years thinking that I had moved here to spite her and my dad for never being around when I was younger and that she could tell something was off with me.” He said and she frowned, “And she told me that she understood if I didn’t open up to her, but that she wanted to build trust with me and just be my mum and like…honestly, I had left here because I didn’t want to think about any of what had just happened with us.” He said and she nodded in understanding, “But ummm…she had just been so vulnerable that I just…wanted to be vulnerable back and like…well I just told her everything and she took it well.” He said and Diana smiled.

“That’s really great, Harry. I’m really happy you guys were able to make progress in your relationship.” She said with a genuine smile and he nodded, “What about your dad?”

“Oh, he’s in a motorcycle club now.” He said and she giggled, “Yeah, I used to ride when I was younger and like…I guess he had always been curious and so now he’s making more time to explore that hobby. We did go on a little drive down to Brighton, which was nice, just had some time together as well.”

“That’s really good, Harry. I am glad that it all went well and were able to reconnect with your parents in that way.”

“Thanks. Ummm…how’s it been without Celeste around?”

“It’s sucked so bad.” She confessed with a smile and he chuckled, “But ummm…I think I've needed this time alone to just…deal with everything.”

“Do you feel like you can’t be sad around her?” He asked.

“Not about this. She hounds me and asks so many questions whenever she sees me upset and like…yeah, so no I can’t really be sad around her without it being a full fledged interrogation.” She said with a smile.

“I wish I could help somehow…” he said and she shook her head.

“I’m fine, I mean…it is what it is.” She said before drinking some more of her wine.

“Yeah…I guess so.” He replied. And yeah, it just felt so awkward between them now. It wasn’t right, but maybe this was for the best.

“So do you like Gershwin or did she just give you a random ticket?” Diana asked.

“Honestly, I could give two shits about Gershwin, I’m just here in case they play Rhapsody in Blue.” He said and she laughed at his response which made him smile, “I’m kidding, I do like Gershwin. Dr. Hsu sent me the calendar and let me pick one.” He explained and she hummed.

“That’s sweet of her.”

“Yeah, she’s a nice lady. Do you like Gershwin?”

“Yeah, I do actually. My dad’s a fan, so I grew up listening to a lot of his compositions. I couldn’t miss it.” She added and he smiled.

“Are you feeling anything yet?”

“No…I think it just burned my throat and that was that.” She joked and Harry chuckled, “Are you feeling anything?”

“No, oddly enough.” He said.

“Maybe that’s why they were on sale.” She pointed out and Harry’s eyes widened in realization.

“Well fuck…” he hummed and she giggled, “Just ruining my lungs for no good reason.”

“Is there ever a good reason?” She asked and he hummed.

“That’s a fair question…”

“Want some more wine? I’ve already had my serving. I literally filled it to the top.” She said and he glanced to her.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I have to drive home so I shouldn’t finish it all myself.” She reasoned and he nodded in agreement as he took the tumbler from her and knocked it back and chugged down the remaining half of the wine. She laughed and rolled her eyes as he swallowed down gulps of it at a time before he was done.

“That should do it.” He chuckled as he handed back the tumbler to her and she smiled as she took it back and turned to put it in the cupholder in the car. Harry was peaking over the ledge of the parking structure, “It looks like it’s about to start.” He said and then they heard the first musicians start to tune.

“I guess so.” She said as she closed her door and headed over beside him to look.

“Do you have a box seat?” She asked him and he nodded.

“You?”

“Oh, I got mine for the back section in case I need to go or something.” She explained.

“You’re gonna hear people eating snacks and chattering over the music.” He said and she shrugged. “What if we watched from up here? I mean, we can hear it clearly and the sound isn’t even on yet.” He suggested.

“I don’t think that’s smart, Harry.” She responded. His heart stung at her rejection, but he just couldn’t help it, he craved being closer to her. He loved her so much that being away from her made him feel so alone.

“You’re right. Sorry for suggesting that.” He said softly. It grew tense and quiet between them and he just decided that he needed to remove himself from this situation before he did anything else to embarrass himself, “Ummm, I’m gonna get down there then. Sorry about the bum joint and the awkwardness and just everything I guess.” He said nervously and it broke her in two to see him so insecure and off his game. He was better at hiding his hurt, but the facade was starting to crack and it hurt to see him this way.

“It’s fine, you don’t have to apologize.” She assured him and he nodded before he just took off. “Fuck me…” she whispered as she hurried to grab a tissue from the little packet in her purse and was quick to dab under her eyes as she felt herself start to cry.

She hated being so cold towards him, but it was a defense mechanism. Everything she was doing now was all part of her self-preservation, she only loved to lose and quite frankly, she was done playing that game. She was so tempted to run after him, to rush down the stairs and meet him and hold him and tell him that she’s missed him so much. It was almost like a compulsion that she couldn’t control, this inherent need to just go after him. Before she could even allow herself to rationalize her decision she got back in her car and started making her way down the structure, she couldn’t be anywhere near him, it hurt too much.

*********

The elevator had just opened when Harry saw Diana’s car waiting for the barrier to raise at the exit of the structure. He hurried out of the elevator and as he got closer he could hear her sobbing and while he had every intention of running over to her to tell her that he loved her and that she should stay with him for this, he suddenly felt cemented to the ground. He didn’t want to be responsible for her tears anymore, so he swallowed the lump in his throat as he saw the barrier lifted and then she drove off without so much as a look back.

The show sucked, even if they did play all the pieces he liked. The others in the box with him were a bit sloshed so they had been chatting over the music the whole time. He was in a bad mood and he didn’t feel like interacting with anyone or being stuck in the line at the parking structure so he just sat in the seat until he was asked by the security guard to please leave the auditorium. So he begrudgingly made it up the stairs and walked back to the parking structure. The ride up to the top floor was fast, but not fast enough that he had the privacy of crying in the comfort of his car. His tears started spilling down his face by the time he’d made it to the second floor and he was glad that no one else was in there to witness this pathetic and sad spectacle. He was just going to go home and get drunk and put on a sad film that could help him cry it out. That seemed like the best plan.

The drive to his house was thankfully smooth, he only got one red light and it was the main street that he made a left on to get into his neighborhood, so he wasn’t all that bothered by it. He was sad and irritated and wanted to drown his sorrows. He wasn’t careful as he kicked off his shoes at the entrance, or as he started to undo the buttons of his shirt. He then tapped his pockets to find his phone to turn on the hot tub jets so it could be nice and steamy when he got in, but it wasn’t on him. He sighed in irritation when he realized it was still in the car and he literally groaned as he swung open his front door, but all of his frustration melted away when he saw Diana standing there, hand in the air, about to knock.

Time felt suspended as they just looked at each other. The evidence of the hurt they were both being consumed by was tangible. Her eyes softened as she studied his features, his eyes were glossy from his recent tears and she felt like shit thinking that she could be the reason that he cried.

“Harry, I’ve…I’ve missed you.” She said and he sniffled.

“Then why did you leave?” He questioned.

“Because I can’t be around you and think straight! You make me feel all tingly and jumbled up and I love it so much, but it’s so fucking inconvenient.” She said and he smiled lightly.

“I’ve never been happier to hear I inconvenience you.” He joked and she sighed, but held a smile on her face.

“I just want you to know that I’m…hurting a lot too. I know I don’t show it as much and I act so cold and callous, but I…I yearn for you.” She confessed with a desperate look in her eyes, “I have been. Every. Single. Day since we said goodbye.”

“Baby…” he exhaled with a frown and she inhaled sharply as her tears started to fall again.

“I just needed you to know.” She said and he nodded. “I’m not going to stay.” She said right off the bat, “I just needed to tell you in person because I felt like such a coward for just bolting off-”

“You’re not a coward.” He assured her and she nodded her head as she sniffled.

“Yes, I am.” She whispered and he reached his hand out to her and she bit her lip before deciding to just take it.

She felt relief as she slid her fingers against his palm delicately for a second, she didn’t want to overthink it. She glanced up at him and just surged forward and hugged him tight, burying her face in his chest. Harry’s body relaxed in her hold and he was quick to hug around her tightly as well. She started to sob because just being in his arms brought her all of the comfort she’d been needing and it was sad to know the person who could make you feel better was the person you should stay away from.

“It’s alright, baby.” He sniffled as he rocked them a bit from side to side. “I’ve missed you too. Can’t stop thinking about you and even when it hurts, I don’t want to.” He said and she exhaled shakily.

“So your escape to England didn’t even help?” She asked and he shook his head.

“Not at all. I was just…picturing how much fun we’d have i-if we went together? Like Celeste would freak out if she got to see Abbey Road.”

“And the Harry Potter set.”

“Yeah, that too…” He hummed as he recalled this detail, “So ummm, yeah I couldn’t help but think of you guys while I was out there.” He said and she exhaled and squeezed him just a bit harder. “Have you talked to Celeste?” He asked and she shook her head.

“She promised she’d text every night but she forgot about me after the first couple of days.” She said and he chuckled.

“Typical.” He mumbled and she nodded.

“Knew she would…” she sighed as she started to loosen her hold around Harry and it made him hold her a bit tighter.

“Please, not yet. Just another minute or so.” He said and she smiled up at him, her chin against his chest as he glanced down at her.

“I wasn’t gonna let go yet, just want to see you.” She said and he smiled.

“Oh, OK.” He said and let her go so that she could reposition her body in a way that made it more comfortable for her to look up at him this way. She just admired him for a moment.

“Like your hair at this length.” She complimented and his cheeks flushed.

“Oh, thank you. Me too.” He replied timidly and she just smiled at up him. “And well, I just like everything about you.” He said and she smiled.

“Can I kiss you? Right here?” She asked as she nudged her nose on his peck, right over where his heart would be and he nodded. She smiled in gratitude before puckering her lips over that part of his chest and smooching him three times over his heart. Harry felt a surge of warmth and happiness that he hadn’t felt in weeks, “I really do love you, Harry. With every piece of my heart.” She reassured him solemnly.

“I love you too, Di.”

---- TAG LIST ----

@sunshinemoonsposts @daphnesutton @gurugirl @sad-avocado @sunflovverharry @angelbabyyy99 @justlemmeadoreyou @permanentllyharry @jessitpwk @cherrysulewski @matildasatellite@keriberi @reveriehs @ottawaoutlander

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lovegoodlane · 1 year ago

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Chapter 5- Skimpy

Warnings: Sexually suggestive content (kissing, discussion of sex)

Words: 2k

Violet stood in her cramped bathroom, putting the final touches on her makeup. Harry had invited her to a party at his house tonight.

They hadn't seen each other since last weekend when they went further than ever before, and Violet was worried that he was beginning to regret what had occurred between them.

They had texted during the week, keeping the topic solely on the album cover. Violet didn't know how to approach the subject of the sexual encounter that they had had on his couch.

Miya leaned on the doorway, a sound of approval leaving her lips when she took in Violet's appearance. The white dress she wore hugged her hips in just the right way, and the hem stopped at the perfect length, short but not too short.

"If Harry doesn't fuck you tonight, then I will," she joked, winking at Violet who was staring at her in the mirror.

Violet chuckled before becoming serious.

"I'm beginning to think that what we did last weekend was a mistake," she confessed, bracing her hands on the sides of the countertop in front of her.

Miya furrowed her brow in confusion.

"Do you regret it?" Miya asked, concern lacing her voice.

"No, but I think he does," Violet replied, her voice sounding shy.

Miya entered the bathroom, grabbing Violet by the shoulders to turn her so they could be face to face.

"No man should ever regret anything that they are privileged enough to do with you," Miya said, her gaze intense. "Go to that party and absolutely own it. If he doesn't want to get with you, I'm sure one of his friends will. Make him jealous. He doesn’t know what he’s missing out on."

Violet merely shrugged at Miya's little pep talk. She didn't want to hook up with anyone else.

"You look absolutely stunning," Miya complimented. "None of those rich bitches will ever be able to compete with you."

Violet smiled, appreciating Miya's words. She reached out to hug her, something that they didn't do very often. Neither of them were affectionate by nature.

"Thank you, Mi," Violet said into the crook of Miya's neck. "I'm going to wrangle a man tonight."

----

Harry leaned against his kitchen island casually, enjoying the last few moments of peace before the guests began to arrive. Niall sat on top of one of the kitchen counters, already sipping from a plastic cup filled with God knows what.

"Did you invite Violet?" Niall asked, looking down into his cup.

"'Course I did," Harry replied, not even bothering to meet Niall's eye.

"Good," Niall said. "It's good for her to get acclimated to these kinds of things. She'll have to get used to celebrities if you really want to be with her."

Harry's head shot up, and he sent Niall a bewildered.

"I never said I wanted t’be with her," Harry said, his tone sounding accusatory. "She's pretty. And she’s probably good in bed. Y’know how I feel about dating."

"If she's just a good fuck, you wouldn't have invited her tonight. And you would've sealed the deal by now," Niall said, raising his eyebrows at Harry.

"Didn't want t'scare her off," Harry said, turning away from Niall.

"Mate, you know she would have given you anything you wanted," Niall said, a light chuckle escaping his lips. "You're taking it slow because you care for her."

"I'm taking it slow because she's making my album cover. Y’don’t have to read into everything, you git," Harry said, sounded disinterested.

"So you wouldn't mind if someone else got with her?" Niall asked, lowering himself off of the counter.

"'Course not," Harry lied.

Of course he would mind. Violet was his. Harry has never been particularly fond of sharing.

"Sure," Niall replied, clearly not believing Harry's words.

Harry was saved from further awkward conversation when there was a knock at the door, signaling that the first guests had arrived.

----

Violet parked the car she shared with Miya on Harry's road, taking a deep breath before heading toward his house. She decided to come an hour after the party had started, hoping that she could slip in somewhat unnoticed.

She knocked on the door, standing in the breezy night air in her skimpy dress. Niall opened the door, his expression widening into a smile.

"Good to see you, Violet," he said. "Come in."

She stepped inside and took in the sight. There were only a few dozen people. It wasn't exactly the raging party that she had expected.

"You look lovely," Niall complimented, leading her toward the kitchen to get her a drink.

"Thank you," she replied, straining her neck to look for Harry.

"Harry's upstairs," Niall said, noticing her actions. "He had to take a phone call from his producer."

"Oh," she said quietly, taking the cup from Niall.

She took a swig, fighting back the grimace that was attempting to form on her face. Whatever was in this drink, it was strong. But Violet would probably need it for some extra courage.

"Harry told me," Niall blurted out, turning his face towards Violet.

"Oh," Violet said again. This time, a blush crept up her cheeks.

She wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. Either Harry had gushed about his experience, or he had talked about her like she was just another one of his conquests.

"I don't mean to embarrass you," Niall said, a sympathetic look on his face.

"No, it's fine," Violet replied, trying to fight the awkwardness of this conversation.

"Harry can be really cold sometimes," Niall said. "Don't let that scare you off. I know he refuses to say it, but I think he really likes you. Don't give up on him."

Violet's eyebrows knit together in confusion. Why was Niall telling her all of this?

"I think you're good for him," Niall said, almost as if he had read her mind. "You make him laugh. He needs someone that can take some of the stress out of his life."

Violet nodded in understanding. She was about to reply to Niall when Harry came into the kitchen, hair looking disheveled.

Harry looked up, noticing the pair in the kitchen. He cocked his head to the side in confusion.

"I was just telling Violet how heavenly she looks," Niall said, winking at Violet. “Doesn’t she look like an angel in this dress?”

She grinned at Niall, knowing that he was only trying to tease Harry.

Harry raised his eyebrows, hinting at Niall to leave them alone. Niall took the cue.

"Well, I better be off," he said casually before planting a light kiss on Violet's cheek. "It's always a pleasure, Violet."

Harry glared at him. Niall shot back a devilish grin, knowing that his flirtations with Violet were getting under Harry's skin.

As soon as Niall was gone, Harry rounded the island to stand next to Violet.

"M'glad you came," he said, grabbing a cup and filling it with the mystery liquid.

"Yeah," she replied quietly. "What was that phone call about?"

Harry let out a sigh, obviously stressed.

"S'just my producer," he said, leaning back against the island. "I've had writers block and haven't been able to get any more songs done."

"Oh, that really sucks," Violet replied, turning her body to face him. She didn’t really know what else to say.

"Yeah, it does," he chuckled.

Violet put her cup down on the island. She paused for a moment to think about her actions, but forced herself to just go for it.

She reached out to tame his messy hair. Their eyes met, and Violet felt the ever familiar blush creeping up her cheeks.

Harry's hands found their way to her waist, pulling her in for a kiss.

This kiss was different. Their other kisses had been needy, but this one was tender and loving.

Harry pulled away all too soon.

"Will you stay after the party?" he asked, his voice low and sultry.

A small smile crossed Violet's lips.

"Of course," she replied, standing on her toes to give him one more kiss.

They pulled apart, smiling at each other.

"I should really be getting back," he said, taking his cup and heading for the living room.

She watched as he disappeared into the next room. She sighed, feeling content. Maybe he did like her after all.

----

An hour had passed, and the party was still going at full speed. Harry was making his rounds, talking to all of the guests. Violet busied herself by talking with Niall and Shawn.

She liked Harry's friends. They were all great guys, and she felt comfortable with them. Even if her and Harry didn't work out, she knew that she would still have a friend in Niall and Shawn.

"Are all of Harry's parties usually this small?" she asked, looking around the living room.

"Pretty much," Niall replied. "He was into bigger parties when we were younger. We've all become much more tame since then."

Violet's eyes followed Harry wherever he went. He looked at ease, which is something that she wasn't able to witness very frequently. She smiled to herself, thinking about their plans for later.

She watched as he approached two girls clad in designer dresses. Their giggles were loud enough to be heard from across the room. Violet rolled her eyes.

"You probably won't see most of these people ever again," Shawn said, directing his words at Violet. "Harry always invites the same few key friends, and the rest of the party is a mixed bag. People almost never get invited twice."

Violet cocked her head to the side in curiosity.

"Are you trying to tell me that I won't be invited back?" Violet teased, smirking at Shawn.

"Of course he'll invite you to another one," Shawn said. "I just meant that you shouldn't worry about getting familiar with anyone that you haven't already met."

Violet grinned, proud that she would likely be considered to be in the group of Harry's close friends.

Her gaze shifted back to Harry. One of the girls was attached to his arm, whispering something into his ear. Jealousy bubbled up in Violet's stomach, but she fought to suppress it.

Harry pulled back to look at the girl, giving her one of his seductive smirks. His hand landed on her hip, pulling her in for a kiss.

Violet couldn't stop the small gasp that escaped her lips. Shawn and Niall turned to her in confusion. They followed her gaze to Harry, who was still kissing the girl.

Violet turned to face Niall and Shawn, absolutely speechless. They looked down at her, and she could feel the sympathy radiating off of them.

"But..but he..." Violet stammered, trying to collect her thoughts.

Niall pulled her to his chest. This surprised Violet, and she looked up at him in confusion.

"I'm sorry, Violet," Niall said, sounding truly apologetic. "Harry can be a bit of an arse sometimes."

"He asked me to...." Violet trailed off, her words muffled by Niall's chest.

Niall was still holding Violet to his chest when he shot a glare at Harry from across the room. He felt so protective over Violet, and he knew that Harry was trying to backpedal from any feelings he had for her. What an arse.

Violet pulled herself away from Niall, a new fire ignited in her eyes. The two boys looked at her with confusion, unsure of her next move. She looked at Shawn.

"I need you to do me a favor," she said, her voice cold.

"Anything," Shawn replied, hoping to soothe her.

"I need you to ‘fuck’ me," she said, using her fingers as air quotes.

"What?" both boys exclaimed at the same time, looking at Violet like she was insane.

"Harry hates when you flirt with me," she said to Shawn. "I'm just playing ball. I have to get him back."

"You don't have to go that far," Shawn said, sounding mildly alarmed.

"Not actually fuck me," she said, flicking his arm. “Just take me into a room, we bang around and moan a little, and he’ll get the idea.”

"This sounds like some American high school movie bullshit," Niall chimed in, shaking his head in disbelief.

"All I need is to make him jealous. If he can be with other girls, then he should be fine with me being with another guy," she explained.

She looked at Shawn, who was still weighing his options.

"Fine," he finally said. "But if Harry kills me, you're paying for my funeral."

----

Next Chapter

#harry styles #harry x oc #harry styles x oc #harry styles x original character #harry styles smut #smut #slow burn #harry styles slow burn #forever valentine

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bl00dycham0mile · 7 months ago

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hello everyone! i have been taking some time to work on a couple new fics with my favorite writer ive found within the Larry community. i am very proud of this project, and officially have four parts of it up and ready to be critiqued/enjoyed.

if you like enemies to lovers, angst, and slow-burn romance, this is the fic for you.

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lemoncrushh · 8 months ago

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Tattooed Heart - Part I

SUMMARY: You are a cocktail waitress at a swanky lounge. Harry comes in one night, and you instantly dislike him. But another encounter eventually changes your opinion.

PAIRING: Waitress Y/N x Artist/Tattoo Artist Harry

TROPES: Enemies to Lovers

MUST BE 18+ TO READ

WORD COUNT: 4K+

STORY PAGE

You could spot the birthday parties from across the room. Beautiful, rich kids and socialites tend to go all out, with the balloons and banners, ordering bottles or at the very least, top shelf cocktails by the dozens. On occasion, you might get a wealthy middle-aged businessman, or some guy who just made his first half-mil in crypto, ready to live it up for the night, but they usually kept a lower profile, not attracting as much attention to their celebration.

Zelda’s was a swanky, high-dollar lounge for the rich and the wannabes. In your two years as a cocktail waitress there, you’d learned how to spot the difference. Those with money knew how to spend it. Those that were only there for one evening of “let’s pretend” spent frivolously, cashing it in before - or sometimes after - going belly-up.

Tonight seemed to be just like every other weekend evening, the corner booths filled with decorations and Gucci-lipped twenty-somethings taking cell phone pics of each other. You gave your best fake smile, ready to serve anyone willing to blow a few hundred on drinks and hopefully dishing out hefty tips.

“What can I get you, doll?” you asked the blond at the end of the half-circle booth.

She gave you a quizzical look at first, as though you had just interrupted a private conversation. Then with a flip of her hair, she smiled at her group.

“Oh, I think Harry was gonna order for us all,” she said. “It’s his birthday.”

“And which one is Harry?” you grinned at the three young men who shared the booth, all dressed in suit jackets with their shirts unbuttoned past their pecs. Everyone at the table pointed to the dark-haired guy who sat in the center with his hands up.

“That would be me,” he remarked nonchalantly in a syrupy British accent.

“Well, Happy Birthday, Harry,” you raised your voice over the loud music. “What are we having for this celebration?”

“Tequila, the best you’ve got,” he replied, his ringed finger gesturing in a circle. “All around. And a bottle of Cristal.”

Two of the girls at the table cheered, clearly impressed with Harry’s selection.

“Sounds like a good party to me,” you nodded. “Be right back.”

Heading over to the bar, you heard the group cackle behind you. Then one of the girls shouted, “Stop it!” When you reached the edge of the bar, giving John, the bartender your order, you snuck a glance over at the table. The girl sitting next to Harry held her cell phone up to take a photo, the birthday boy with his tongue in her ear. Clearly the group had gotten a head start on drinks before they’d ever arrived.

“Another one of those, huh, Y/N?” scoffed John.

“Same shit, different day,” you commented, shaking your head. “Gimme one of the birthday glasses, will you?”

“Ah, which Paris Hilton wannabe is the birthday girl? Lemme guess…the blonde in the silver bandeau top getting her ear tongue fucked.”

You chuckled. “Try the fucker.”

“Oh yeah?” John raised a brow, placing the bottle of Cristal on your tray. “The himbo, eh? Wouldn’t have guessed it.”

“Why not?”

“Imposter Armani suit? I can spot it a mile away, honey.”

You laughed as he finished pouring the tequila. “Guess he’s out of his element. But he obviously wants to impress on his birthday.”

“From the look of the caliber of girls he’s with, I’d say I don’t blame him.”

You nodded, carefully taking the tray. You knew what John meant. Harry may have not been the typical socialite to walk through Zelda’s doors, but the women in his company obviously were. And they expected to be treated as such.

Returning to the table, you gave your biggest smile as you set out the tequila. You noticed Harry eyeing you as the rest of the group claimed a glass.

“This is your best tequila?” he asked, almost in a huff as though you couldn’t have possibly selected the best.

“Definitely,” you replied. “It’s a Siete Leguas.”

“Hmm.” Lifting his glass, he let the liquid swirl before taking a sniff.

“Smells good to me,” remarked the blond next to him. “But I don’t know much about tequila.”

Harry took a slow sip, his eyes still on you above the rim of his glass.

“What d’ya say, H?” asked one of the other gentlemen.

“It’ll do.”

Trying your best not to react negatively, you chewed your bottom lip. “I can get you something else if you like.”

“I said it’s fine.”

Not bothering to mask your frown, you took a deep breath through your nostrils. This was gonna be a long night.

“Would you like me to pop the champagne now?” you asked.

“Sure, go ahead,” Harry gestured with his hand, taking another sip of his tequila.

Taking the bottle, you opened it with finesse, just the way you’d been taught and had been doing since you’d started working at Zelda’s. The girls all cheered when the cork popped. Harry, however, was not impressed.

Grabbing the special birthday glass, you began to pour.

“What the fuck is that?” spat Harry.

“It’s for you,” you smiled.

“I don’t want that. Gimme one of the regular champagne glasses.”

“I’ll take it!” beamed the blond on the end. “It’s cute!”

Harry rolled his eyes before handing the glass to her with a smirk.

“Here, Tawnie,” he said. “Pretend it’s your birthday.”

“Aw, yay!” she giggled with glee.

Trying to keep your composure, you poured another glass of Cristal, handing it to Harry.

“Shouldn’t ladies go first?” he remarked, scooting the glass to the girl next to him.

“God, I’m gonna be so wasted,” she laughed.

Swallowing hard, you knew where this was headed, so you poured champagne for the other two girls, then passed around the remaining glasses to the guys, leaving the last for Harry.

“Happy Birthday,” you said again, this time with no enthusiasm. “Enjoy.”

Leaving the bottle on the table, you turned away, cursing under your breath before making your way back to the bar.

“Jesus fucking Christ, kill me now,” you whined at John.

“That bad, huh?”

“He’s a petulant, disrespectful asshole!”

“The good looking ones usually are,” John sighed.

“You think he’s good looking?” you twisted slightly to look over at the booth. Harry was laughing at something one of the other guys had said.

“Honey, don’t tell me you didn’t notice!” chuckled John.

“I was too busy wanting to pour tequila over his head,” you grimaced.

“Well, try not to let it get to you, hon. Just be your sweet self, and get that massive tip. The night will be over, and you’ll never have to see him again.”

With a nod and a sigh, you took the refills for the next table, handing them out with a bright smile. The older gentlemen gave you a thanks and a wink, one of them patting your behind as you bent over. You hated being fondled at work, but if you had a choice, you’d take that any day over dealing with jerks like Harry.

“Excuse me!” you heard someone shout as you started to make your way back to the bar. Speak of the devil.

“Yes?” you grinned, stepping over to Harry’s table. “What can I do for you?”

“Can I get a glass of wat-” asked a brunette before Harry rudely interrupted.

“We need water,” he said, accusingly.

“Sure, no problem. All around?”

“Of course,” he rolled his eyes. Apparently this man lived to be constantly perturbed.

“I’ll get those for you right now.”

“That should have been like…a given, right?” he remarked. “What waitress doesn’t automatically bring water?”

With a sigh, you slid your tray under your arm, pressing your hand on your hip.

“If you want water…or anything for that matter…you can ask for it!” you barked. “I’m happy to bring it to you. But you don’t have to treat me like an imbecile!”

“Jeez,” one of the other guys muttered under his breath.

“What?” Harry glared at you, his eyebrows knitted together.

“You heard me, Birthday Boy! I’m just doing my job!”

As you started to turn away, you heard him mutter, “Doesn’t look like it,” followed by the rest of the group either giggling or shouting “Ooooh!”

You decided not to delight him with a response. Instead, you strutted to the bar where your darling pal John was already getting water glasses ready.

“Fuck me sideways, girl, that was rough!” he exclaimed.

“I’m done, John! I can’t deal with these assholes anymore!”

“Uh oh, looks like you may have to,” John averted his eyes to the glasses in front of him. Turning to see what he was talking about, you nearly ran into Mr. Personality.

“You owe me an apology,” he growled.

“Excuse me? I think it’s the other way around!” you yelled.

“I’m out with my friends for my birthday,” he explained, gesturing toward the table, “and I don’t appreciate the way you’re treating me.”

“The way I’m tr-” you turned beet red. “How dare you! You entitled, self-centered prick!”

“Easy, girl!” you heard John shout, but you paid no mind. You were ready to have it out with this guy.

“What did you call me?”

“Y/N!” someone else shouted. Looking up, you noticed your boss, a scowl on his face as the entire lounge had turned their focus on your encounter. “What seems to be the trouble here?”

“Are you the manager?” asked Harry.

“Yes, sir, how can I assist you?”

“I’m not sure exactly,” he began, “but your waitress here seems to have a problem with me. I’m here celebrating my birthday with my mates, and she’s gone out of her way to be rude to me all evening.”

“What?!?!” you shouted incredulously.

“Y/N, did you have a problem with this young man?”

“No, sir,” you shook your head, your arms crossed over your chest. “It’s the other way around. He’s been nothing but rude since-”

“She just called me a prick,” Harry interjected.

“Because you’re being one!” You glared at the asshole, shooting daggers at him. You felt like your insides were on fire as you held your hands in fists at your sides.

“Y/N, if you can’t control your temper, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave,” said your boss.

“I’m sorry, but he’s so rude, Mr-”

“Y/N,” your boss narrowed his eyes at you, before turning to Harry. “Sir, I do apologize for my employee. We do not condone this kind of behavior at our lounge.”

You watched Harry as his shoulders fell, a breath releasing from his nose. “I should hope not.”

“Now…” your boss added. “What can we do to rectify this situation? Perhaps we can put your tab on the house?”

Harry raised his brows, surprised at the offer. “That would…yes, that would be nice. Thank you.”

Your boss nodded, patting Harry on the back. “No problem whatsoever. I hope you’ll come see us again.”

“Not if she’s here,” Harry scowled.

“I assure you, that won’t happen.”

With a gasp, you watched your boss turn around and face you. “Get your things, Y/N,” he said in the most relaxed voice possible, as though you weren’t just getting canned.

“Are you serious?” you cried.

“We don’t talk to our patrons this way,” he explained. “I won’t allow it. Now, put your apron away and clock out.”

Your jaw set, you tried your best not to cry. No, you wouldn’t allow yourself to. Not in front of him.

“Fine,” you said, untying your apron. You slapped it down hard on the bar, then turned for the back room, but not before noticing the sly, satisfied smirk on jerkhead’s face.

Only when you reached the back room did you let the tears fall. Cursing at yourself, at Harry, and your boss, and at the entire situation, you managed to grab your jacket and purse. You almost forgot to clock out, but you figured you might not get paid otherwise. Sitting on the dark green leather sofa, you waited until you thought Harry and his crew might be gone. Then wiping your eyes, you stood up, nearly bumping into John.

“Oh, Y/N, honey I’m so sorry!” he cried, wrapping you in a big hug.

“What the fuck, John? Why does he get to win?”

“I don’t know. The whole ‘the customer is always right’ thing, I guess.”

“That’s a load of bullshit,” you sobbed against his chest..

“Preaching to the choir, sister.”

“Is he gone yet?”

“Mr. Pretentious? Yeah, he left a few minutes ago. Want me to walk you out?”

With a nod, you let John walk you halfway through the lounge until you met up with your boss again who insisted he be the one to see you out. Just in case you were to cause a scene or some shit. As if you would. Not after that whole ordeal. You felt completely defeated…and deflated. You felt the eyes on you as you made it to the front door. Your boss held it open for you as you stepped into the balmy night air. With a sigh you walked to your car, turning once to give Zelda’s the middle finger.

Fuck that Harry guy. Fuck him to hell and back.

“Are you ready?” asked Shae.

With a sigh and a nod, you grabbed your keys. Last month you had promised your roommate that you’d go with her to get a tattoo. While you had been thrilled then about getting some new ink, after getting fired from Zelda’s, the excitement had worn off. In fact, you’d considered canceling all together, seeing as spending dough on a tat now seemed frivolous, and you could certainly use the money in case you couldn’t find another job soon. But in the end, you decided you owed yourself some kindness. And besides, Shae was chomping at the bit to get one, and she wouldn’t let you live until you went with her.

You drove to Fine Line Ink, just a few blocks from your apartment. You’d driven by it several times, but had never gone inside. Shae specifically requested this tattoo shop because apparently it was fairly well-known on social media. At least your roommate had done her research, even though she had no idea what tattoo she wanted to get.

“I’ll know it when I see it,” she’d insisted.

You heard 90s rock music playing when you opened the door, but saw no one standing near the counter, or even in the waiting area. The front room was dark, but with warm lighting, much like at Zelda’s. You could smell incense burning as you gazed around at the walls decorated in various designs. Wandering over to the glass counter, you inspected the display of body jewelry.

“Hi, how can I help you?” you heard a voice say.

Your body instantly felt cold as you stood up straight. You knew that voice. And it was one you’d hoped you would never have to hear again. Turning around, you caught a glimpse of his tall frame, his t-shirt stretched tight across his chest, his biceps peeking out from the sleeves.

Motherfucker.

“Hey,” beamed Shae. “We’re here to get tats.”

Shae gestured toward you, and your body went numb.

“Oh?” Harry raised a brow, then looked at you. The recognition and disdain both happened instantly. “Oh.”

Turning back to Shae, he asked, “Do you know what you want?”

“Not exactly,” she shrugged. “Nothing too big. But not too small either.”

Harry chuckled. “Alright. I have a book right here,” he pointed to one on the counter. “It’s got some ‘not too big, not too small’ ideas in there, if you wanna take a look.”

“Okay, thanks!”

“Take your time,” Harry grinned at her. “I’ll be back.”

He gave Shae a small wave, but you didn’t miss the way his expression changed when he glanced at you before he disappeared to the back.

“So what are you thinking of getting?” your friend asked as she perused the book. She stopped on a page of flowers, but scrunched up her nose. “Nah.”

“Um…let’s go somewhere else,” you told Shae, practically pulling her arm out of the socket.

“What? No! I wanna get a tattoo here!”

“Well, I don’t.”

“Why not? I heard this guy’s the best. Plus…he’s like hella hot!”

“No, he’s not,” you argued.

“Are you fucking blind?” scoffed Shae. Turning the page in the book, she stopped and pointed at a baby lion. “That’s it!”

“I just…” you stammered, “I just don’t think this is a good idea anymore. I changed my mind.”

“Did you find something you like?” Harry asked from the doorway.

“No-”

“Uh huh!” exclaimed Shae. “This baby lion is so cute. It’s so me. I want him right here on my hip.” She jutted out her hip, slapping her hand where she wanted the tattoo to go.

Harry chuckled again, making your insides churn. You wanted to vomit.

“Alright,” he said, handing her a clipboard. “If you’ll just fill this out for me, I’ll go prepare your stencil.”

You weren’t sure what to do. You’d already promised your friend, and she looked so excited. You knew there were dozens of other tattoo shops you could go to, but Shae had picked this one. Why did it have to be this guy’s shop? Of all the fucking…

Taking a deep breath, you lowered yourself slowly in a nearby chair as Shae filled out her paperwork. Signing her name, she turned to you with a smile.

“Isn’t it cute? I’m so excited!”

With a gulp, you were about to respond when Harry returned.

“Let’s go back here,” he gestured once he’d taken the clipboard from Shae.

“Wait, my friend’s getting one too,” she looked at you. “Aren’t you?”

“No.” Although the sound came from your mouth, you could have sworn Harry’s lips moved too.

“Um…” you cleared your throat. “I can’t.”

“Why not?” Shae asked, confused.

Although you didn’t want to, you gazed at Harry. His frown was so apparent, it almost looked like his eyebrows were sewn together. Finally, he relaxed his expression, pretending for Shae’s benefit.

“Don’t reckon I have enough time, love. It’s only me here tonight.”

You had to hand it to him. That was a good answer.

“Oh,” Shae pouted. “But I wanted to get tats together.”

“It’s alright,” you assured her. “I need to save my money. And I doubt there’s anything here I’d want anyway.”

You had to hand it to yourself. That was a nice dig.

It wasn’t lost on Harry, either. He scowled at you before turning for the tattoo chair, Shae following behind.

“This your first tattoo?” you heard Harry ask as you remained in the doorway.

“Yes. So please be gentle,” your friend replied, obviously flirting.

You rolled your eyes as Harry chuckled. In any other situation, with any other man, not only would you have encouraged the flirting, you might have even joined in. Both John and Shae were right in saying he was good looking…or hella hot as it were. Even you had to admit that. But you hated to. And you also hated how his laugh rang through the shop, like an invisible tattoo of its own, lacing with the sound of the Foo Fighters song that played.

Crossing your arms, you leaned against the door frame, trying to think of a way to get out of the situation. You thought of faking an illness. You did feel like throwing up. But Shae wasn’t having it.

“Come sit over here, Y/N!”

“I’m fine here.”

“Noooo. Come over here in case I need to hold your hand. What if I pass out or something?”

“Do you pass out easily?” Harry asked as he pulled on his gloves.

“No,” Shae replied. “I’m actually not scared of needles. But you never know.”

You caught the grin on Harry’s face as he turned in his chair. “I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“Y/N!” Shae whined. “Please!”

Rolling your eyes, you surrendered, walking slowly toward Harry’s tattoo station. You noted everything he had set out on the tray beside him. At least he seemed to know what he was doing. But you weren’t about to admit that. Grabbing a nearby chair, you took a seat on Shae’s other side, opposite from Harry.

“So, you want it on your left hip?” Harry confirmed.

“Yep.”

“Alright. So I’m gonna need you to pull down your pants just a bit, past your hip, and turn on your right side facing…um…your friend.”

“Yes, sir,” Shae smiled, happily willing to oblige.

You watched as she unbuttoned her jeans, sliding them down as sensually as she could on the leather chair. You caught a glimmer in Harry’s eyes when he noticed she was wearing a thong.

“Seriously?” you scoffed.

“What?” he frowned, looking up at you.

“Do you have to ogle at her for fuck’s sake? She’s getting a tattoo, not stripping for you.”

“You’ve got to be joking.”

“Believe me, joking is the last thing I’d be doing with you.”

Shae stared at you as she laid on her side. “Y/N, it’s okay! He can ogle at me all he wants!”

“Shae,” you narrowed your eyes.

“I think your friend can speak for herself,” remarked Harry.

Making a face, you sat back, crossing your arms and legs. His expression stoic, Harry pushed his chair closer to Shae, lightly swiping her skin with rubbing alcohol. Then he took a disposable razor to gently shave her hip.

“I promise I just shaved this morning,” giggled Shae.

“I’m sure you did,” Harry smirked. “It’s just procedure. We have to thoroughly prep the area before adding ink.”

Taking the stencil, he placed it on Shae’s hip, directly under her panty line.

“Is this where you want it?”

“Yes, that’s perfect.”

“Good.” Harry ran his fingers slowly and smoothly across the thermal paper, and you just had to say something.

“You’re enjoying this way too much.”

Blowing air between his lips, Harry glared up at you.

“Would you stop? I’m just doing my job.”

“Oh, really? Could have fooled me. Looks like you’re trying to feel her up.”

“Y/N, what the fuck?” cried Shae. “Do you have a problem with this guy?”

“Oh, you noticed?”

Shae sat up, looking at you quizzically. “Do you know him?” Then lowering her voice, she whispered, “Did y’all fuck?”

Hearing the question, Harry snorted.

“Yeah, you wish,” you scoffed, giving him the evil eye.

“In your dreams, babe.”

“That’s it, I’m outta here,” you sprinted out of your chair, heading for the door.

“Y/N!” Shae shouted. “What is going on?”

“I’m sorry, Shae, I tried to keep my cool. But I can’t even stand to be in the same room as him.”

“Feeling’s mutual,” muttered Harry.

“Ugh!” you cringed. “C’mon, Shae, pull your pants up. We’ll find someone more competent to do your tattoo.”

“I believe I’m more than competent,” Harry rolled his eyes.

“I’m so lost here,” Shae whimpered, still in her chair. “How do you know each other?”

When you reached the doorway, you turned to face her, your arms still crossed.

“He’s the asshole who got me fired.”

“What?! Are you serious?!”

Adjusting herself in her chair, she faced Harry, waiting for him to retort. But he remained expressionless, his mouth in a straight line. Giving up on getting any response from him, you sighed and gestured for Shae again. When she slid off the chair, buttoning her pants, Harry finally spoke.

“I didn’t mean to.”

“What?” you glared at him.

“I…I didn’t mean to get you fired.”

“Sure you didn’t.”

“I mean it. I was…a complete prick to you…just like you said. And I’m sorry.”

“Pffftt,” you sounded. “It's a little late for that. I lost my job because of you!”

“I know, and I felt bad about it.”

“No, you didn’t!” you spat. “You were ecstatic that you’d gotten your way! You’re an asshole!”

“You’re right,” Harry nodded. “I deserve that. But I hope you know that wasn’t me.”

“Do you have an evil twin?”

“No. I was trying to impress my friends.”

“By being a jerk?” piped Shae.

“Yeah. I know it’s not a good look,” Harry shook his head. He rose from his chair, stepping closer to you. “I was seeing this chick, Nicolette…and she was…used to a certain lifestyle. It felt good to be part of her world for a while.”

“Doesn’t sound like friends to me,” you remarked.

“No. They just wanted to go to Zelda’s and get drunk. I swear, it’s not my scene.”

“You don’t say.”

“Look…” Harry sighed. “I’m not asking for forgiveness because I know you won’t give it to me. I have no real justification for the way I acted. I truly was a prick that night. But I regretted it later. I knew it was wrong of me, and I wanted to apologize but I didn’t even know your name, let alone where to find you. I broke it off with Nicolette, too.”

“Oh, jeez, that makes me feel soooo much better,” you said sarcastically.

Throwing his hands up, Harry turned around and began to gather things from the tray.

“You really have some nerve, you know that?” you added.

Harry spun around, “For what? For apologizing?”

“For everything! For acting like a big shot, especially when you obviously didn’t belong there. For yelling at me in front of the entire bar, including my boss, and for getting me fired. And for being rude to me as soon as I walked in here.”

“Hey, you were rude to me first!”

“I was not!”

“Hey, guys?” Shae interjected. “Maybe we should just drop it. You were right, Y/N. We shouldn’t have come here.”

“I swear, Shae, if I had known he worked here, we wouldn’t have. Let’s go.”

As soon as you pushed the door open, you heard Harry huffing. “Your loss, not mine.”

“Fuck you, dude!” you exclaimed. “And get a life. A real one, not someone else’s.”

FEEDBACK IS LOVE

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bottlesofrouge · 2 months ago

Text

on one condition.

harry styles x original character

part seven.

word count: 13.3K

warnings: none!

26 AUGUST 2018

lynn sits at the breakfast bar while kathleen hovers over the stove, a cup of coffee set next to each of them. it’s quiet between the two, and the only thing that can be heard is the occasional faint scraping of the spatula against the metal pan every time her mother reaches over to flip a pancake.

it’s a rare sight to see the woman cooking breakfast instead of having her nose buried deep in her macbook screen, but according to her sisters, there hasn’t been a morning since they returned from the beach that kathleen hasn’t woken them up with breakfast on the table. she was trying to be a better mother. lynn could see it in the way she randomly called to check in and the way she rarely asked for favors anymore.

lynn would be lying if she said she wasn’t at least a little sad that she never got this version of her mother, but as long as her sisters did, she could never complain. plus, all of her meetings with dr. agard made lynn come to the realization that their relationship is a two way street. if she ever wanted it to get better, she’d have to put in an effort, too.

however, her effort isn’t the same. of course lynn answers the quick phone calls and attends the new family dinners, but what she really needs to work on is forgiving peter and getting rid of the resentment she holds for her mother that came when the woman took him back. she always thought her father’s absence never bothered her, but it did and she hated the fact that he was able to waltz into her life like it was just another tuesday. like the decade he spent pretending she didn’t exist meant absolutely nothing at all.

after this week’s wednesday family dinner, the two women sat on the back porch until the early hours of morning, each consuming enough red wine to probably fill a kiddie pool. lynn didn’t really mean to stay up that late nor did she mean to drink that much, but once her mother started to cry into her glass with long apologies about how she’s treated her, she decided that a few extra glasses wouldn’t hurt.

the dinner took place after a three hour long impromptu session with dr. agard. harry had made a comment about her crows feet and smile lines earlier in the week, and it kind of sent her whole world tumbling.

really, lynn had mentioned them first. she caught her reflection in the door of harry’s freshly scrubbed microwave (courtesy of her), and thumbed at the obvious indentations permanently etched into her skin before mumbling something under her breath about needing to invest in botox.

“don’t,” harry had replied with his face buried deep in his refrigerator, a soapy rag in hand. “means you’ve been happy.”

and then he turned around and started talking about finally finding that lime he had been missing all week. lynn wasn’t really paying attention after he had her facing a gut-wrenching reality literally seconds prior, but apparently the finding called for tequila shots, and she wasn’t going to be one to disagree.

lynn spent so much time being miserable and hating her family life, but she never really stopped to think about the good parts of it. sure, she hated the fact that her dad came back, but without him, she wouldn’t have her little sisters that she loves so so so much.

the chocolate bars she buys for jane after every recital were the exact same ones that kathleen used to leave out on the counter for her when she had a chorus concert, and sometimes when she wakes up in her bed surrounded by jane and amelia, a piece of her is transported back to being four years old, tucked under kathleen’s arm with a vcr tape of casper playing on the television.

her mom would take her out at least once a month and buy her whatever she needed. whatever she wanted, really. they’d go on expensive vacations every year, and when younger lynn came home crying because she loved the beach so much, kathleen bought the condo they stayed in. it wasn’t even for sale.

so after talking with dr. agard until her throat felt raw, lynn realized that her mom spent her entire life trying to give her the financial security that she didn’t have when she was growing up. her parents didn’t come into money until later in life (after all of their kids were grown), and lynn was left with every cent of it anyways.

so, after a few glasses of wine, lynn told her mother that all she wanted growing up was for her to just be present, and kathleen has been trying to fix that ever since.

she hosts weekly family dinners and invites lynn to morning coffee. she drops jane off at school instead of making her take the bus and spends hours after work in an abandoned shopping mall’s parking lot teaching amelia how to drive. she helps the girls get ready in the mornings and she’s there tucking them into bed every night, and even if it’s too late for lynn and maybe amelia, at least jane gets all of her.

it was such an odd situation to be in. she sometimes finds herself feeling jealous of jane as she’s getting a children’s book read to her at bedtime. lynn wishes that she could remember those kinds of parts of her childhood. the soft moments with kathleen were rare growing up, but they existed in faint memories and nostalgic feelings and… well, that would just have to be enough.

she felt so many different things every time she dissected her childhood with her therapist. there used to be so much grief and disappointment and anger, but now, she found herself looking back on it in a positive light. little lynn didn’t get all of kathleen, but she did get all of elena and that was something she’ll be eternally grateful for.

her family life wasn’t the only topic of discussion when she met with dr. agard. recently, lynn’s found that she was bringing up harry more and more, especially now that he was seeing oliver.

she thought their night together would be awkward, but harry simply changed into a pair of her shorts and got under the covers. his eyes were closed, and lynn could tell he was sleeping again by his long, deep breaths. she had never seen him so tired.

once lynn climbed into her side, harry rolled over and pulled her into his chest like it was a reflex. his lips pressed against her shoulders a few times, and then she felt his hand sink under the fabric of her old tshirt, his fingers roaming over the bare skin of her stomach. for a split second, part of her wished they would dip down under the waistband of her underwear just like they had a month ago. a bigger, more sane part of her told her to close her eyes, so she did, falling asleep in what felt like seconds.

the next morning, she woke up to his fingers sliding down her arm until they reached the inside of her wrist, thumb gently pressing into her pulse point. it’s something she’s only caught him doing once before, but lynn suspects it’s something he does every time they wake up next to one another. a content sigh fell from his lips after a few moments, and then he tried to wake her up with soft shoulder kisses and promises of fruity pancakes covered in sugary, sweet syrup.

remembering that time had her stupidly standing outside of his apartment with their usual chinese orders a few days later, but just as she turned back to get the forgotten wine bottle in her car, the elevator arrived with a very pretty boy inside. he was smothering his lips in some kind of menthol chapstick that lynn could smell as soon as the doors had opened.

the boy offered her a smile before stepping out, and lynn watched with a heavy chest as he made his way to harry’s front door. he didn't even knock. instead, he used the key on his keyring, and lynn’s stomach twisted at the sight.

oliver.

“honey, i’m home,” he sung into the apartment with a laugh.

honey. home. oh, she was going to be sick.

and she was, not even five minutes later. lynn lost whatever was left of her lunch in the communal trashcan right in front of the complex. the guilt scorching her skin like a bad sunburn.

the suffocating feeling found her again a few days later when harry stood in front of the glass door of the bakery. when lynn saw him, he was beaming. the grin on his lips looked like it was making his cheeks ache. he had two to-go cups from the café in one hand, and when lynn unlocked the door for him, his free hand was thrown around her neck to pull her into him.

“evy,” he sighs into her hair. “i’m so, so happy to see you.”

“hmm, and why’s that?” she pulls away to look at him, and harry offers her a cup with a messy e.a. written on the lid. the handwriting matches the one she often found on post it notes and grocery lists stuck to harry’s refrigerator, and when she looks down at his, she can’t help but notice the way the ‘h.s.’ is written in nora’s neat handwriting. “wait, let me guess. you want another chocolate cupcake.”

“ha ha,” he deadpans. “no, that’s not—actually, if you’re offering i wouldn’t say no.”

“depends. what’s the occasion?”

“my paintings sold,” his cheek caves in like he was biting it to stop his growing smile and something inside of lynn makes her itch to press her lips into the indentation. “someone in raleigh bought them for like… an insane amount.”

“harry,” a matching small smile’s fighting to make its way on her face. “that’s so exciting.”

“i know,” his fingers are holding her elbow, and he takes a step back, eyes raking over her frame like he’s taking her in. she’s only wearing her lousy baking clothes and an apron, but his face becomes unreadable for a moment and she feels incredibly self conscious. “shit. i’m sorry. you’re busy. i shouldn’t have come.”

“why did you?” it’s only meant to be a thought, but it slips out of her mouth, and lynn shamefully watches as he pulls himself away from her.

“i don’t know. i got the email this morning, and i felt so relieved. it’s going to help so much, and i just… i wanted to share it with you.”

the two of them stand in front of each other so closely. the toes of their shoes are bumping into one another’s. his eyes are a shining green that reminds her of the fresh, spring time grass she and elena used to spend long afternoons sitting on. the woman would hold a notebook on her lap, writing down lynn’s critiques in glitter pen as they ate the cakes and pastries they spent all morning making.

there’s no reason for her brain to be comparing the feeling of being this close to harry to her happiest childhood memories.

but it does.

“well, why don’t we get you that cupcake, sunshine?” her palms press against this chest. “i’d say you deserve one. maybe even two.”

the two of them spent the rest of the morning locked away in the bakery, before moving over to the cafe for another coffee (or two) which only made one thing incredibly clear to her. this needed to end, just like dr. agard suggested the last several times lynn has been sat on her couch.

it was easy to let herself indulge in harry and whatever he gave her when oliver only existed in her mind, but now he had a face with a sweet smile and kind eyes. everytime lynn thinks about having harry in her bed that night or letting him feed her his unwanted strawberries from his fork at breakfast the next morning, she sees him, too. what they were doing was far more than just friendly, and it was so incredibly wrong.

so, she invited harry and oliver to her family’s cookout, and to create as much space as possible, she told him to invite his new art school friends, too. lynn also invited silas (and an additional text was sent to ren when the boy casually mentioned that they were seeing one another again), all of which accepted her text message invitation. that meant there was absolutely no reason for the two of them to be alone at all today, and lynn planned on keeping it that way.

lynn leaves her head at the sound of amelia and jane arguing their way down the stairs. there’s a stack of chocolate chip pancakes on both sides of her, and when lynn looks up, kathleen is sliding a plate of blueberry ones in front of her.

it’s simple, but her heart still swells at the gesture as she thanks her mom. blueberry pancakes were her favorite when she was a child (only they were usually made by elena), and lynn can’t help but wonder how her mother even knew that about her. the woman gives her a smile, and lynn thinks that the tiniest (really, the absolute tiniest) piece of her inner child heals with it.

“don’t thank me,” kathleen’s moving the dirty dishes to the sink. “it’s something i should have been doing from the very start.”

✮✮✮

harry shows up a little earlier than everyone else with the catering peter had asked him to pick up while lynn and kathleen are back in the kitchen. the older woman has been chopping up vegetables for the last hour while lynn arranges them neatly on a tray.

“hi, honey,” harry presses his lips against hers, and she tries not to let the way her stomach churns reflect on her face. she watches as he carefully opens the oven door and slides in the trays he’s carrying to keep them warm, desperately wanting to get her mind off of the fact that harry lips tasted faintly of menthol chapstick.

“thank you for doing that, harry,” her mother says. “i really appreciate it.”

harry waves her off, a boyish grin taking over his face. “it was nothing, really.”

“harry!!!” jane’s shriek cuts through the quietness of the room. the little girl runs up to him, arms stretched out wide for a hug. harry crouches down to pick her up, and she sits on his hip with her arms tightly wrapped around his neck.

“sunflower,” harry coos. “‘ve missed you so much.”

“duh,” jane says with a frown on her lips. “i haven’t seen you since my birthday. you must hate me.”

“hey, don’t say that,” harry’s fingers pinch at her sides causing her to erupt in little giggles as she pushes his hand away. “i’ve been busy with school, just like you.”

“you’re too old for school,” a skeptical pout takes over her sister’s face, and it’s harry’s turn to laugh. he does so with shiny eyes and big dimples, and the sight of the two of them makes lynn swoon.

“i’ve got a few more things to get from my car,” harry says. “do you want to come, janey? i have a friend you can meet.”

“i didn’t know you had friends,” the way she says it so seriously makes lynn muffle a laugh with the palm of her hand, and when she looks over, even kathleen has an amused look growing on her face as she watches the pair, too.

“oh whatever,” harry rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling as he walks with her to the front door. “you’re carrying the biggest box all by yourself for saying that.”

“oh man,” she catches jane’s sad sigh, and then they’re gone.

lynn watches through the window as harry and jane walk up to the same boy from the elevator. he’s trying to balance the remaining trays on top of each other, and by the way harry’s head is tilted back with laughter, she can tell that he’s failing miserably.

oliver crouches down to jane’s level when harry sets her down to help and holds out his hand for a high five. her sister shyly moves away, hiding behind harry’s legs. she’d never tell dr. agard, but sometimes, when she’s lying in bed waiting for her sleeping meds to kick in, her tired brain likes to imagine what her life would be like with harry. for some reason, every made-up scenario always leads back to white picket fences and sticky handprints on glass doors. saturdays spent at the playground and princess themed birthday parties. puppy kisses and—

“he’s good with her,” kathleen says from behind her. “with amelia, too.”

lynn only hums at her mother’s words. she knows he’s good with them, and every time she thinks about what’s going to happen when everything’s over, a lump starts to form in her throat.

“i’m sorry i wasn’t there for you the way i should have been, lynn,” she turns around to find kathleen with weepy eyes. “i hate that you were hurting for so long and i had no idea.”

the girl offers her a smile, “no one did, mom. at least not until after. i shouldn’t have kept it from you anyway. i’m sorry, too.”

“you did what you felt was right. don’t ever apologize for that,” the older woman wipes under her eyes with one of the dish rags on the counter. “i just… i want to make sure he’s good to you.”

“he’s the best,” lynn can’t hide the grin on her lips as she says it because it’s true, he is. she can only hope to find someone who’s a fraction of him to love her for real.

her mother nods, and it falls quiet between the two again. when lynn looks back out the window, silas, ren, harry, and oliver are all following jane in a line with trays in their hands. the two couples nearly mirror each other, oliver and harry looking like a younger version of the other two. the sight is so cute, lynn can’t resist the urge to snap a photo.

kathleen takes the cold food (along with jane) out to the garage refrigerator, and harry takes the time to properly introduce oliver and lynn. the boy was just as sweet as his smile, apologizing profusely for not recognizing her in the hallway the other night (apparently harry talks about her. a lot. sometimes he even brings out pictures). harry’s brows furrow at his words, and before lynn can even make up some lie, ren is wrapping her in their arms, going on about how much they missed her.

✮✮✮

“that doesn’t bother you?”

“not anymore,” ren shakes their head. “why? does it bother you?”

“no,” harry feels his face warm at the other’s accusation. “why would it?”

the two are sitting on the back porch, each nursing a cherry cider that silas had graciously supplied while they watch their friends act like complete idiots in the yard. after jane complained about abigail thompson making fun of her lack of jump rope skills in her kindergarten gym class, harry asked tommy and niall to buy a jump rope on their way over. the old, ratty one lynn dug up in the garage definitely wasn’t going to cut it.

it started out as nothing more than a little lesson. oliver and niall swung the rope around while harry and lynn took turns teaching the little girl. honestly, there wasn’t really much to teach. lynn sat on the ground, urging her sister to jump when it was time, and harry only stepped in when he heard frustrated huffs fall past lynn’s lips. after successfully getting two hops in a row with harry’s more gentle coaching approach, jane lost interest and wandered away to her group of school friends that just arrived. the plot was lost not long after.

as soon as silas and ren joined, harry watched as something inside of lynn sparked. she challenged her friends to the old game they used to play on the playground, and then she invited in harry’s friends, too, claiming she needed some younger competition. he doesn’t think he’s ever seen a group of adults become so competitive over a simple game of jump rope.

ren left the group just as things started getting a little too crazy. they muttered something about having bad knees, and harry slid away with them when no one else offered to.

ren shrugs, a smirk already sitting on their lips when he looks over. “dunno. seems like it does though.”

harry rolls his eyes, attention turning back to the more pressing matter. silas and lynn slow dancing in the backyard between their turns. the man twirls her around, warm, bubbly laughter spilling from her mouth. her hands are around his neck and his sit on her waist. he can’t help but wonder how it wasn’t bothering ren, because despite what harry just said, it was certainly bothering him.

“hello?” niall calls. “it’s your turn, lynn. i just got forty six.”

harry doesn’t think he’s ever been more thankful for niall in his entire life. if they weren’t in front of lynn’s entire family, he could’ve kissed him right on the mouth.

the two had met during their freshman year of college, both ending up in the same fraternity. they were acquaintances at most, often showing up to the same events and parties. they chatted here and there, but harry always got the vibe that niall couldn’t stand him. looking back, the distaste was completely warranted. even now harry would’ve found the teenage version of himself to be completely obnoxious.

niall dropped out after their second year, and harry didn’t see him again until he was sitting in front of him during an entry level photography class that he had signed up for. niall recognized him as soon as they all stood up to leave. he was a bit nervous when he gained the other’s attention, but niall simply smiled, introduced him to his friend tommy, and they’ve been hanging out ever since.

“thirty five,” tommy corrects with a sigh. “no one likes a liar, niall.”

he watches as lynn practically tears herself away from silas, blowing him a kiss as she saunters back over to the group. the whole thing has harry realizing that maybe the burn on his skin was from something more than the sun outside.

“their relationship is the reason we broke up the night silas asked me to marry him,” ren randomly admits. their voice is quieter than before, but it has a new serious edge to it. “it’s strictly platonic between them, but he’s protective of her, just like she is of him, and if you want to be with her, it’s something you just have to learn to live with.”

“oh, we’re not—“

“i know,” ren says. “but i can see how you look at them. from the outside, they’re concerningly close to one another. it’s why i asked silas to move to north carolina. i thought it would keep him out of her bed when she called in the middle of the night or stop him from spending hours in that bakery every sunday, but it only had him spending hundreds on plane tickets every month.”

“so, what made you suddenly be okay with it?”

“i met someone who i thought would love me in all the ways silas didn’t, and then i realized that a few nights away and a couple hours on sundays were a fair trade for the way he did love me,” ren takes a sip from their can before clearing their throat. “they both went through some things where they only had each other to get through it. they’re not my stories to share, but once you know, the way they are with each other makes perfect sense.”

before harry can reply, ren’s eyes flick up to silas who’s dragging his feet up the steps with heavy stomps and then dropping himself right on the other’s lap. “tired of jump roping already? you’re such an old man.”

“these knees are not what they used to be.”

“you’re telling me,” ren reaches down to rub their palm over their knee, a small hum of discomfort falling past their lips. “twenty years of soccer and they’ve given up on me.”

“you should talk to oliver,” harry says. “the same thing happened to him. lost his scholarship and everything. i think it’s something that still really bothers him.”

ren nods. “yeah, i will. i haven’t been around in a while. he’s your friend or lynn’s?”

“harry’s boyfriend,” silas teases harry, fingers pinching his reddening cheeks before pointing the boy out. “isn’t he pretty? reminds me of you.”

“oh? boyfriend?” ren replies, eyebrows raised. “i wouldn’t have guessed.”

“yeah, yeah,” harry waves the two off. “whatever.”

silas laughs, falling back against his partner. or ex-turned-friend. harry wasn’t really sure what they were, but when silas peppers kisses to ren’s face, he guesses they’re maybe a little more.

“harry,” lynn grabs his attention, waving him over to where she was sitting alone on the grass. he’s a little embarrassed by how fast he gets up and moves her way and it only worsens when he hears what silas mutters under his breath.

like a moth to a flame.

“sit with me,” she pulls on his hand when he’s closer, and when he does finally sit on the grass next to lynn, she leans so her head rests on his shoulder. “i love your friends.”

“me too,” he hums. “they’re nice, aren’t they?”

“obviously. i mean, they’re your friends,” her fingers pinch at his elbow. “oliver’s cute, too.”

“yeah?” harry laughs, jerking his arm from underneath her. “you guys and all your pinching. i’m an easy bruiser.”

“sure you are,” lynn leans back into the grass. her hair’s fanned around her, and she’s giving him one of her bright, white smiles. it reminds him of when they first met nearly three months ago. she’d look across the table at him with a huge smile on her face. it never really reached her eyes though. at least not the way it does now. she looks happy, and harry thinks he’d do pretty much anything to keep it that way. “are you having fun?”

“so much fun,” harry murmurs. he lets his hand reach out to smooth her hair away from her face. she’s practically beaming, and the sight of her makes his insides feel all gooey. there’s so many words he could use to describe how she looks in this exact moment, but he thinks radiant fits best. he can’t seem to tear his eyes away from her. “what about you, honey? are you having fun?”

harry expects her to nod with soft pink cheeks and a shy smile on her lips, like admitting she was enjoying herself is the most humiliating thing she could possibly do. she’d probably bury her face in the crook of her arm if he teased her about her growing blush, telling him to knock it off. the more time they spent together, the better harry got at reading her and predicting how she was feeling, so he doesn’t understand how he got this situation entirely wrong.

lynn’s expression steels for a second when the question leaves his mouth. her eyebrows gently draw together as she sits up, and when she looks over at him, harry can see her usual shiny, blue eyes soaked with worry. they look glazed over and a little red like she had been rubbing at them.

“i could taste oliver’s minty chapstick when you kissed me,” the softness of her voice makes harry’s stomach twist. she leans her head on her knees, but she keeps her focus on a patch of flowers growing near their feet. “forgot he was here for a minute if i’m being honest. i’m sorry.”

“ev–”

before he can even get the words out, lynn is pressing her fingertips against his lips, shaking her head like she couldn’t possibly bear hearing him finish. “i feel so guilty, harry. every time we’re together, i can’t stop thinking about what it’s doing to him. he doesn’t deserve this.”

“we’re just friends, evy. there’s nothing–”

“i know we are,” she says, eyes boring into his. “i mean, obviously. as if we’d ever be something real.”

“what’s that supposed to mean?” his head tilts to the side, and he was sure that lynn could see the confusion written all over his face. maybe he lets himself think about it too often, but that night at the beach felt incredibly real. at least, it did to him, and a large part of him hoped that it did to her, too.

“i think it’s crazy that anyone even believes we’re together in the first place,” she says. her hand moves to the side, palm motioning to their group of friends that were scattered around them. “i mean, i bet half of the people in this yard have seen all those girls you go home with.”

out of everything he expected lynn to say, he never thought something like that would come from her mouth. the words ring through his mind like a bell, bouncing against his skull with a deafening echo. and really, he knows that he should be offended or hurt, but the only thing flowing through his mind right now is the idea that she thinks he’s dirty, and every moment they spent close to one another made her feel dirty, too.

her admission wraps around them like a weighted blanket. her big, round eyes are peering over at him expectantly, like she’s waiting for him to say something, but the heaviness of it all is suffocating, trapping anything he wants to say in his throat.

“you shouldn’t be over here,” lynn finally breaks the silence. she gives him that sad smile that usually finds its way onto her face right before she lets herself fall apart, and part of him wants to pull her into him and press his lips against her skin.

“this isn’t something you should be letting eat at you like this,” harry breathes. “oliver does-”

“harry, please,” and the way she sounds so broken when she says it makes harry want to cry which is so unfair because if anyone should be upset right now, it should be him. why is he feeling bad for simply existing around her?

“okay,” it’s quiet, and it’s all he trusts himself to say before getting up and brushing the stuck blades of grass off of his jeans and wandering over to his friends.

harry decides on spending the rest of the night away from lynn which doesn’t end up being too hard because she disappears inside soon after and never returns. if anyone notices her absence, they don’t mention it. instead, both of their friend groups join together to drink and swap stories. it’s nice, harry thinks, to be surrounded by a group of so many different people and feel accepted by every single one of them.

when the sun sets, the group moves to sit around a fire built by peter, and only a few minutes pass when jane suddenly appears at harry’s side with a bag of marshmallows and big puppy dog eyes staring back at him. he reveals that her own friends had just left, and niall and tommy decide they were going to follow behind.

so, he sits at the fire with jane on his knees, in between oliver and silas with ren across from him. it’s so easy being around them, and for a while, harry lets himself forget that it’s all pretend. that once he sees lynn again, they’ll probably decide to end things and he’ll keep pretending that the burning in his chest that coincidentally appears every time he’s around her is nothing more than a little acid reflux. it makes him kind of sad to know that this will probably be the last time he’s sitting in the adams’ backyard with tiny marshmallow fingerprints stuck to the knees of his jeans and aching cheeks from smiling so hard.

it’s something he won’t have to face until later though, because when the night ends and oliver’s ready to go, he goes inside to see if kathleen needs help with anything before they do. he expects to find her in the kitchen, but he’s surprised to find her in the living room, watching a movie on the tv. he’s even more surprised when he gets closer, and realizes that she’s sitting with lynn’s head in her lap, fingers running through her hair.

the older woman jumps a little when harry makes his presence known, laughing lightly when she realizes it’s just him.

“sorry ms. kathy,” harry whispers. “i just wanted to make sure that you didn’t need help with anything before oliver and i head out.”

she waves him off, “don’t worry about it. it was just a small back to school thing for the girls and their friends. nothing i can’t handle cleaning up myself.”

“are you sure? i really don’t mind.”

“i’m positive,” her voice is firm, but not in the offputting way it used to be. harry thinks she just doesn’t want him to worry about helping. “you already ran some errands for us earlier. thank you for the offer though.”

harry nods and is about to leave when a white light flashes across the tv. the room becomes just bright enough for him to see the tear tracks dried on lynn’s face, and the sight makes his feet freeze in place. how could he have possibly upset lynn enough to feel the need to crawl into kathleen’s lap?

“don’t worry about her,” her mom offers him a warm smile when she sees the worried look that’s probably etched into his face. “just had a bad reaction to something and said she didn’t want to ruin your night. i’m sure she’ll call tomorrow.”

he wonders if kathleen would be just as nice to him if she were to find out that her bad reaction was being near him?

3 SEPTEMBER 2018

“fuck,” lynn slams her hands against the steering wheel, lips curling inwards at the sight of the long line of traffic that didn’t even seem to be budging. she’s exhausted, both physically and mentally, after spending two long hours sitting in dr. agard’s office. there was nothing she wanted more than to be curled up underneath the weight of all of her covers with her curtains drawn, and instead, she was on her way to meet jackie for dinner, the traffic making her forfeit her usual post therapy shower.

today was her scheduled biweekly appointment at the woman’s lower manhattan office (thank god her office still opened on labor day), and yet she still managed to wake up late. the bright light of the fully risen sun poured through her windows, making her head throb with an excruciating headache as she ran to get ready. lynn wasn’t sure how, but she made it to the parking garage with five minutes to spare. she was running on four extra strength ibuprofen tablets, a pair of sunglasses she stole from amelia, and a dream.

the pair had quite a lot to go over during their short one hundred and twenty minutes together; however, on the drive over, lynn decided that the first order of business was going to be the text she received from jackie at exactly 11:37pm the night prior.

Can we talk tomorrow?

it was straightforward and to the point, but lynn had a bit of trouble responding to it. she was already working so hard on her relationship with her parents, and she wasn’t entirely sure if she would have the time or energy to mend their broken friendship right now.

(and if she were to be brutally honest, she didn’t know if it was something she even wanted to fix.)

she knew that jackie wanted to talk about harry and what sleeping with him really meant for their friendship. they weren’t really together, and lynn was the one that brought up the idea of labeling it as an open relationship, so was she even allowed to be mad at jackie?

when she asked the woman sitting in front of her, she simply pursed her lips and turned the question around, asking lynn if she thinks she should be mad at jackie.

“i don’t know,” lynn had said. “i don’t know a lot of things. that’s why i’m here, isn’t it?”

“why don’t you tell me what’s really bothering you, evelyn?”

and that was all it took for her to cave and finally spill what’s been eating at her for the last week.

harry’s radio silence.

lynn really couldn’t blame him for being distant because she was the one who implied that he should be spending time with oliver instead of her; however, she could blame him for the demise of four perfectly good chocolate cupcakes filled with raspberry jam and topped with a mountain of cream cheese frosting.

lynn had spent a good two hours on sunday making a half dozen of the cupcakes as a congratulations for his new job (that she gave him!), but he never showed up for his paperwork that he said he was stopping by to complete. it wouldn’t have been that big of a deal if he would’ve just called or texted, but he didn’t.

she felt a little sad as she broke the congratulations sticker seal on the box to move two of the cupcakes to their own individual boxes to take to nora and whoever else agreed to work the late sunday shift, and she felt even worse when she heard the remaining four hit the bottom of the trash can with a thud.

honestly, she could’ve kept them to sell in the morning, but lynn wasn’t sure if they’d be well liked because of their tooth-rotting sweetness. it most definitely didn’t have anything to do with the gut-twisting feeling she got whenever she thought of someone else enjoying the sweet treats that were only ever made for harry.

lynn sat in the bakery surrounded by empty coffee cups and granola bar wrappers for nearly twelve hours just waiting for him to show up. at the ten hour mark, she contemplated on calling to make sure he was still coming, but then she opened up instagram to see that oliver posted a story of a beautiful bouquet of flowers with a little sliver of what was unmistakably harry’s hand in the top right hand corner.

it was stupid, and she was stupid for letting herself cry on the way home. at least that’s what she told dr. agard right before she helped lynn really understand why every single one of her doctors told her to stop pretending with harry. while he was buying flowers for his boyfriend (or whatever oliver was to him), she was sitting alone, desperately wishing that it was her instead.

she felt so embarrassed when she realized just how deep her feelings for him ran. dr. agard passed her a tissue, but lynn felt like an offer of never being perceived by the older woman again would have done the trick. she walked out of that office with her head hanging low, and didn’t pick it up again until she made it to the driver’s door of her car in the parking garage.

whatever. it’s fine. she’s going to be fine.

✮✮✮

“it was never about him,” lynn’s finger circles the stem of her glass as she stares at her reflection in the dark red wine sitting in front of her. meeting the other’s eyes felt nearly impossible. “it was the fact that you would do that to me, jackie. i felt so betrayed.”

“i know. i know,” the girl offers her a sympathetic look and a squeeze of her hand. “i’m sorry, lynn. i should’ve never done that. i just assumed it was something you two had discussed.”

the corners of her mouth turn downwards as she tries to mask the grimace that’s growing on her face. she did not want to be here. lynn tried to get out of the meeting by sending jackie a text to let her know that she probably wouldn’t make it to dinner due to how bad traffic was, but then the girl responded with a “Drinks at mine?”, and how was lynn supposed to argue with that.

it feels… weird being in jackie’s apartment. lynn thinks there’s no other way to describe it. the two were so close in high school. lynn found herself at the girl’s house nearly every day. it was like an escape from her own family, and there was nothing lynn loved more than watching outdated rom coms in jackie’s too-small bed.

her apartment practically embodied the feeling lynn used to get when she walked through her bedroom door. the first time she stayed over, she found the familiarity so warm and comforting. jackie was always so kind to her. it’s so hard to understand how they ended up here.

the girl’s sitting at the other end of the couch, legs tucked up underneath her. her hair’s pulled away from her face, slicked back into a neat bun. there’s a natural blush to her cheeks, probably from the sun’s unforgiving rays, and her nose and under her eyes are dotted with soft freckles. jackie was effortlessly beautiful in all the ways lynn wished she could be. no wonder harry was attracted to her.

“why didn’t it cross your mind to run it by me?”

jackie shrugs around a sip of her jack and coke (the first time lynn saw her drinking one was when she was with harry) (not that it matters), “he’s your boyfriend, lynn. shouldn’t you two talk about that kind of stuff?”

“yeah, well,” lynn clears her throat. her fingers grip the stem just a little bit tighter as she realizes what’s about to fall out of her mouth. “i wouldn’t know. we were never really together.”

“what?” jackie’s brows draw together at her confession. she sits up a little straighter, and angles her body to face lynn just a little bit more. “what do you mean?”

“our moms tried to set us up, and we just went along with it. i don’t know, jackie.”

it’s quiet after her confession, and lynn watches as jackie processes it, her emotions evident on her face as the gears turn in her head.

“so,” the word is so slow falling out of her mouth, you would think that it was made of molasses. “you’re mad at me for sleeping with someone who you weren’t even with? someone who wanted to be with me?”

lynn chokes on her wine at the last part of jackie’s question, staining her shirt with maroon splotches. out of everything she was expecting the other girl to say, that was not one of them. her heart sinks, but she’s not sure if it’s because that is all jackie got out of the conversation, or because she knows if her and harry were speaking, he’d definitely have a little giggle over it.

she knows he would be so polite about it, too. apologetic that she had gotten the wrong impression, but the corners of his mouth would’ve been upturned and his cheeks would be a warm pink. he’d shake his head before widening his eyes and letting out a breath that’d turn into a quiet laugh. he’d look at her from across the room with those soft, green eyes, and…oh, she misses him so much.

lynn uses the back of her hand to wipe away any remnants of wine that were left pooling at the corners of her lips, “i’m upset with you for sleeping with someone that you thought i was with. don’t you get that, jackie? you thought i was with him.”

“but you weren’t,” she frowns. “how can you be so upset with me when he was practically a stranger to you?”

“because you thought i was with him when you did it. you thought that he brought me chocolates when he upset me, and that we spent every weekend at his parents’ dining table. you thought that we spent the night in each other’s beds, and that he kissed me goodnight. you slept with him thinking that he’d come back to me smelling like you. what aren’t you getting about this?”

the younger girl frowns, eyes falling to the space in between them, “i guess i wasn’t really thinking. i’m sorry, lynn.”

“you’ve always been such a wonderful friend to me, jackie. i don’t want to lose that.”

“me, too,” jackie looks at her with big, guilty eyes, and lynn feels her throat start to burn. “i hate that we let a stupid boy in between us, especially one that went after two friends.”

she wants to scream and cry because none of this is harry’s fault. he’s young and stupid and was probably going through a really tough time with his parents and she just…harry didn’t owe her any loyalty, but jackie did, and the way that he was so much more apologetic when he found out that jackie didn’t know makes lynn wonder if their friendship was ever anything real.

“oh my god,” jackie sets her glass on the table. “you like him.”

nothing is confirmed nor denied. instead, lynn looks at her watch before stating that she needs to go and offering to continue this conversation another time. really, she had no intentions of coming back anytime soon.

she’s wanted to cry ever since jackie invited her into the living room. lynn doesn’t think she’s ever felt so hurt by someone in her entire life, and she grew up with the old kathleen as a mother. the older woman was proof that people could change, and perhaps jackie’s just changed for the worse.

still, she hugged her friend goodbye, and shut the door to the apartment with a heavy sigh. she just ached to be home, and something inside of her was starting to realize that home was no longer synonymous with her apartment. it was better described as a feeling. one that she got when she was surrounded by her sisters, or when silas was spending the weekend at her apartment, or in florida, when her and-

“hey blondie," harry’s inside of the elevator when it comes up with a warm smile on his lips. "everything alright?"

“yeah," she forces a smile to match his, hoping the way that she was feeling inside wasn’t showing on her face. god, she was so mad at him, but she doesn’t think she’s ever been happier to see him. "rough day."

"m’sorry, evy,” his lips pull downwards in a frown, and lynn can’t help but wonder if it’s real. does knowing she’s hurting make him hurt, too? because the opposite is true for her. lynn’s chest aches every time he looks over with watery eyes. “were you waiting long for me?"

"i was with jackie," the admission slips from her mouth so easily. like saying it wouldn’t let him know that he was the topic of their conversation. "she wanted to talk."

harry hums as he fumbles with his keys. she’s not really sure how they got here, but they were standing in front of his apartment door. he’s got dark red stained lips that probably match hers and a bag of restaurant leftovers in his hand. she tries to ignore the fact that he probably just came back from dinner with oliver, "how'd it go?"

lynn thinks she’s left with more questions than answers. she appreciates the apology, but if she were to see the girl again, lynn thinks that she could really punch her in the face. maybe it would be because she was hurt. or maybe it would be because she’s filled with ugly, suffocating jealousy every time jackie mentions harry’s name.

that’d be a question for dr. agard.

“if i have to talk about my feelings for another second, i think i’ll explode.”

harry cracks a grin. one of those real, genuine ones that have the dimple popping out near the corner of his mouth. "we can't have that now can we? come on, let's get you some dinner and a sweet treat."

she's standing nearly on top of him as he toes his shoes off once the door’s shut. fuck, she really shouldn’t be here, “that’s okay. you seem busy.”

“nah," he waves her off, locking the front door and leaving her in the foyer as he moves to the kitchen. "never too busy for you. do you want a shower while i cook?"

but you were, lynn wants to say. you were too busy to sign the paperwork for the job i’m giving you. you let me sit there for hours and never texted. never called. and i made you your favorite cupcakes because i know this isn’t a job you’d ever want for yourself. and i just wanted to make sure that you felt welcomed there. that you knew you were wanted.

that i wanted you there.

"your stomach’s practically barking, evy. let me at least feed you.”

“okay,” and when she looks down at her wine stained clothes, “a shower would be great, too.”

lynn sits at the kitchen table with wet hair and a plate of steaming food in front of her. she’s dressed in a pair of her shorts that she found in one of harry’s drawers. they were put next to one of her sweatshirts, too, but she opted for one of his instead. it was larger, and she felt like she was drowning in it when she put it on. it was perfect.

despite how upset she was with him right now, lynn really just wanted to be around him. she’s in his apartment and in his clothes and eating a dinner he made for her, yet he feels so far as he sits on the couch, tapping away on his phone.

there’s no conversation. no small talk. harry occasionally laughs under his breath at something that’s on this screen in front of him, and lynn hates the way that she wishes he was laughing at something she said instead.

“thank you,” she tries. it’s quiet, and she’s not sure if he’s even heard it.

"just leftovers,” his eyes stay glued to his screen. “nothing special.”

“it's special to me," it’s barely a whisper. barely even a breath. there's tears filling her eyes, and she just feels so…much.

you're special to me, she thinks, shoveling a bite of lasagna into her mouth. he had made it once for one of their dinners with his parents, and she wonders if he’s speaking to them again or if he’s made it for someone new. perhaps it was for oliver. maybe he made it for the boy the night that she had picked them up chinese.

the idea makes her not so hungry anymore.

when lynn’s finished, she rinses off her plate and places it in the dishwasher. harry’s still on the couch, and when lynn decides to sit on the other end, she can see him moving even farther away from her in her peripheral vision.

"did i do something, harry?" the words surprise her a bit. normally, lynn was never that forward, but today’s two hours spent with dr. agard made her realize that there’s no point in beating around the bush. all it did was waste time, just like the last twenty years she’s wasted with her mother.

harry stills for a second, eyes looking past his phone before falling onto her. it’s quiet and he’s just staring at her with this look in his eyes that lets her know he’s fighting with himself before he sighs and gives in, "you don't remember what happened at your parents’?"

"of course i do," she says. "i've been racking my brain trying to think of everything i did or said, and i don’t know. i slept a lot that day. we barely saw each other."

“i was hurt when i realized how you felt about me," harry can’t even meet her eyes, and it makes her feel so incredibly guilty. it wasn’t even a month ago when he was pulling her so tight against him like she was the only thing keeping him upright. "i mean, i know everyone has their own opinions when it comes to casual sex, i just... i don't know. i didn't expect it from you."

“what are you talking about?”

"whatever you said about everyone knowing about all of the people i’ve been with," what? "and not that i owe it to you, but i've only-"

"i was high," lynn cuts him off. “i was feeling so stressed and guilty, and i used to get high all the time in college, especially after jaxon. it helped so much, but that day i felt so paranoid and so fucking self conscious after i ate that stupid gummy. i know exactly what conversation you’re talking about. i meant that it was crazy that people thought we were together when they've seen the people you've been with. they're all young and fun and outgoing and so incredibly gorgeous and i'm... im not any of those things. it was a moment of self hatred that i never should've shared with you. i’m sorry, harry.”

his eyes are locked on what she guesses is her knee, and he’s not saying anything. she’s not sure if he’s even listening to her. if he’s even comprehending what she’s trying to say.

"i think so highly of you, you know? and fuck," lynn gasps. when did she start crying? "you're being so incredibly kind to me right now. why didn’t you tell me to fuck right off, harry?”

“lynn,” the use of that name makes her want to cry even harder because harry only seemed to use it when he was upset with her. he reaches for her, but lynn pulls away, standing up to put her shoes back on. “c’mon, stay. talk to me.”

and she wants to. lynn really, really wants to sit on harry’s couch, curled up against his side with trashy reality tv show reruns playing on the tv. he’d pour them each a glass of wine, and as the time passed, he’d make them a snack. she’d probably fall asleep with her mouth open, drool pooling on his tee. he’d wake her up with soft dances of his fingertips against the skin of her arm before offering her a place in his bed or an uber home. of course she’d choose his bed, and lynn would fall back asleep pressed against him.

but she can’t, and she’ll probably never be able to again. if she were being honest with herself, none of it was real to begin with. harry was only ever being kind. plus, he had oliver now, and lynn thinks that any chance at a real friendship has already been ruined by her stupid feelings that keep growing and growing to the point where she feels like they’re suffocating her.

“i really should go,” she says. “i’m sorry.”

and harry doesn’t try to stop her.

4 SEPTEMBER 2018

lynn’s sleeping on her couch when her phone rings for the first time. it was late. the sun had set a long time ago, around the time she had gotten back from harry’s. she showered (again) as soon as she walked inside, and then sat on facetime with silas for what felt like hours. when the boy had to go, she put on modern family for some background noise, and lynn guesses she fell asleep around the fourth episode.

the room has a dim glow supplied by the ‘Still Watching?’ screen when she silences the call, deciding that she’ll call whoever it was back in the morning. honestly, it was probably silas wanting to discuss his date with ren, and that would be easier to stomach when she’s had a breakfast pastry and a soy latte.

her phone rings again, and she silences it again. it’s quiet for a moment, and she rubs her eyes enough to see the time on her phone through the sleepiness that clouded them.

2:47

and underneath it:

harry

missed call

harry

missed call

harry

missed call

lynn frowns, immediately regretting ignoring his calls. he probably really needed something if he was calling her so late, especially with how she left things earlier. before she can call him back, her phone lights up with another incoming call from him.

"harry? are you alright?”

“hi honey," his voice is like syrup when it comes through the speaker, thick and sweet, and lynn guesses that he’s had a drink or two. "i'm fine. i'm outside if you want to let me in.”

"outside of my apartment?"

"i’m sorry it’s late. i would’ve knocked, but i didn't want to scare you," he says. there’s a quiet knock at her door. “hear that? s’me.”

“hold on,” she kicks her blanket off of her. “i’ll be there in a second.”

lynn moves to the kitchen, using dish soap and a paper towel to scrub any remnants of runny mascara off of her cheeks. she ties her hair into a ponytail using her reflection in the refrigerator, and then tosses the crumpled up tissues that were sitting in her pocket from an earlier cry sesh into the trash can before finally moving to the door.

"hey," her voice is scratchy, still a bit of sleep lingering in her throat. "fun night?”

“no,” his eyes are glassy, but not enough to make her think that he’s anywhere near drunk. “how could i have a fun night after the way you left?”

"do you want an apology for killing what was supposed to be a good night with your friends?" she's leaning on the door frame, arms crossed in front of her. "is that why you’re here?"

"what? no, of course not," his face pulls together, but his eyes are soft. "i came here because i owe you an apology. can i come in? please, i miss you, ev.”

lynn purses her lips to stop her growing smile from showing on her face. he was just so cute. how could she say no?

"i’ll let you in if you stop acting like a kicked puppy,” she watches as his hand comes up to his chest, faking offense at her words. he replies with a “am not”, or at least she thinks he does. she can’t really make it out as she’s already moving towards her kitchen to make them each a cup of tea.

she finishes her mug with a splash of cream and his with a spoonful of lavender honey she had picked up at the farmers’s market. when the two spent an afternoon in nora’s coffee shop, he had ordered a lavender latte and an earl gray with lavender syrup, so she knew she had to buy it for him when she passed it sitting on one of the vendor’s tables.

harry takes the mug from her as she sits next to him on one of the couch cushions. he’s already turned off the tv and turned on a lamp for some better lighting. the blanket’s tossed over their legs, and she leans back against the arm of the couch, getting comfortable for what she knew was going to be an uncomfortable conversation.

“why didn't you come?" lynn speaks first, and harry tilts his head to the side. confusion written all over his face at her words. "to the bakery for your onboarding paperwork? i waited all day and you didn't show."

"oh my god,” the boy in front of her seemed to freeze, mug stopping mid-way to his lips. “it totally slipped my mind. why didn't you text me?"

"you were with oliver, and i thought it was intentional." lynn takes a breath, unsure if it’s the tiredness or the glass of wine she had before bed that made her want to be so honest. "i guess i didn't want to know if it was intentional because that would've hurt my feelings more than they already were."

"oh honey," harry murmurs. his thumb brushes over her knee as he cranes his neck to look at her eyes. "i'm sorry. i wish you would've called, but i honestly forgot. i’m such a fucking idiot.”

“it just hurt because i felt like you didn’t want to see me,” she says, lip quivering with her own confession. “which is stupid because i was the one who said we shouldn’t hang out as much.”

“honestly, evy, i didn’t want to see you,” oh, she was so going to cry. “but not because of what you said, or how it made me feel. i was scared that you thought i was dirty, and maybe like…i don’t know. being around me made you feel dirty, too.”

“harry,” her voice is airy, like what he said knocked the wind out of her. “you’ve never made me feel like that.”

“yeah?” he says it like he doesn’t quite believe her, and lynn’s heart aches at the fact that he still invited her into his home even though being around her probably made him violently uncomfortable.

“of course not,” her hand finds his on top of her knee, squeezing once, and he looks at her with one of those soft close-lipped smiles that she adores on his lips.

“i’m not doing that kind of stuff anymore,” his throat clears as his cheeks start to glow pink. “sleeping around or whatever. in case it matters.”

“well, i would hope not,” a faint laugh escapes as she brings her mug to her lips. “you’re seeing oliver, now.”

she tips the drink back, feeling the warm liquid trickle down her throat, and it’s in this moment that lynn realizes harry doesn’t remember the night she walked in on him and one of the many girls from the bar.

she had kicked the girl out before dressing harry in a pair of boxers and a t-shirt that she had found on the floor, and then lynn laid with him in those sheets for what felt like hours. not once did the fact that he had just fucked another girl in between them make her feel dirty. harry was crying so hard, and lynn wasn’t sure if he was even breathing at some points. tending to that was far more important than a sheet change.

eventually, he threw up all over the both of them (even that didn’t gross lynn out). she simply showered and changed his sheets before waiting for him in his bed. looking back, she probably should’ve found the situation at least a little icky. honestly, she barely knew him at that point, but she thinks she’d do it a hundred times over if it meant he wasn’t left to put the pieces of himself back together all on his own.

the idea of reminding him of the night dances around in her head, not for too long though. because now-lynn knew harry, and hearing what happened would just make him feel guilty. even if she was only trying to convey just how crazy the idea of thinking he was dirty was.

she wipes the corner of her mouth with the fabric of her shirt that’s sat on her shoulder. it’s probably a little unflattering, and she bets harry’s going to say something about the box of tissues sitting mere feet from her.

just get a fucking napkin.

she can practically envision the words leaving his lips. instead, he reaches out to wipe her lips with the sleeve of the hoodie he’s wearing. her hoodie, and then, “oliver and i aren’t together. his boyfriend dropped me off, actually.”

“oh, i’m sorry,” lynn apologizes, but harry’s quick to shake his head.

“don’t be,” he looks awfully happy for someone who just lost the boy he’s been yearning for for years. “it’s what i was trying to tell you at your parents’ house. we’re just friends, oliver and i.”

“oh,” she feels so stupid as the word leaves her mouth, but she’s not really sure what else she can say. if he weren’t sitting in front of her, lynn thinks she’d be on her hands and knees thanking whatever god made that happen. she’d promise all of her sunday mornings for the rest of her life if it meant that his relationship with oliver were to stay just that. friends.

“i hate that you were feeling that way,” he says. “i always think you’re the prettiest girl in the room, evelyn. y’practically light up every space you walk into.”

her cheeks burn, the warmth traveling from her neck all the way to the tips of her ears. lynn keeps her eyes focused on their hands that are sat on top of each other in her lap, too embarrassed to look up and meet the other’s eyes.

her teeth dig into her bottom lip as she miserably fails to suppress the grin that’s spreading on her face. harry catches it though, and pinches at her reddening cheeks with a laugh.

“oooh,” harry sings like he’s a middle school aged boy. “someone’s blushing.”

“would you knock it off?” lynn pushes his hand away, laughter overflowing from both of their mouths. it’s the kind that pinches her side and makes her cheeks ache. the kind that she used to envy.

and it’s definitely stupid for her brain to compare this moment to jaxson, but it does anyway. not once did one of their arguments or fights ever end up like this.

not that it mattered, though. because the more sane part of lynn knew that harry was best compared to silas.

the two were so much alike, especially when it came to their friendships and how they treated her. she felt like she mattered to them. like they really did care about her, and lynn knew that feeling wasn’t something that she made up in her head. it was evident in the way harry’s sitting in front of her right now.

when the laughter dies, harry’s looking at her like he knows exactly what’s going on in her head. his free hand reaches for her shoulder while hers are wrapped around the mug in her lap. his fingers squeeze once and then he runs the back of his hand all the way up the side of her throat to her face. his knuckles drag painstakingly slow across her skin, like he’s trying to memorize every curve and every line.

and he’s just… looking. lynn’s not really sure if he’s blinking with how intensely his eyes are boring into hers. it feels so soft and intimate. honestly, she’s never felt anything like it before. maybe it was what love is supposed to feel like, or maybe it was just the lack of sleep.

lynn tilts her face, letting the weight of her head rest against harry’s palm. his thumb brushes against the highest point of her cheek, and she thinks that she’d rather have this for a little bit longer, even if it meant she’d get nothing out of it besides a broken heart.

they’d only ever be friends, and lynn was okay with that. she’d take whatever he’d offer her now, before they got to the yearly dinner stage. they’d sit across from one another to chat and catch up. harry would insist on picking up the bill, and then he’d go home to his partner and kids while lynn spent the night wondering what they could’ve been.

or maybe she’d find someone else, too. a little optimism couldn’t hurt.

“do you want to stay the night?” lynn sits up a little straighter, pretending like whatever just happened between the two didn’t have her melting into a puddle. “i’ve missed you, too, y’know?”

harry nods, a small grin taking over his features, “can i grab a shower?”

“as if i’d ever let you into my bed with your outside clothes on. you know better than that, harry styles.”

harry only laughs, and takes their empty mugs to the sink. he places them in the dishwasher, and lynn watches from the couch as he digs through her drawers looking for a change of clothes before helping himself to her stack of freshly washed towels in the closet.

it feels like she’s betraying herself by letting him get so close. after jaxson, lynn swore she would never let anyone have the chance to get so close to her again, but here harry was, knowing exactly what each drawer in her dresser held and where she kept her bath towels.

there’s a toothbrush labeled ‘HARRY’ that sits in a jar on her bathroom counter. there’s box of sleepy time camomile tea that is only ever touched when he’s in her kitchen. his preferred shampoo sits next to hers on a shelf in her shower, and his side of the bed now has its own phone charger.

perhaps lynn should feel worried, but when she hears the shower start, all she can feel is content. she was going to be okay, even if they were only ever meant to be friends.

✮✮✮

harry wakes up to the sound of lynn humming in her kitchen. it's quiet and soft, and she skips over melodies here and there. like it's something she's doing absentmindedly as she tiptoes around the small space.

her hair's pulled up off of her neck just like it was the first day that they met, and she's wearing the glasses that he hasn't seen since they were in florida. he wonders if the reason behind their disappearance had anything to do with the comment he made comparing her to a soccer mom.

it was such a stupid thing to do. he had said it after one too many mick jagger cosplay jokes influenced his decision to chop off all of his hair, and it’s honestly probably the second biggest regret of his life, only falling behind the way he treated oliver when they were kids.

when lynn had said whatever she did about not being someone harry would ever be into yesterday, he was caught off guard. lynn’s incredibly gorgeous inside and out, and harry doesn’t think he’s ever met someone as kind as she is. he thought his massive crush on her was painfully obvious.

(especially after oliver picked up on it not even thirty minutes into what was supposed to be their first date.)

“you’re awake,” lynn’s looking at him with a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “i made breakfast. it’s just oatmeal. i haven’t been to the grocery store in a minute.”

honestly, harry hates oatmeal, but that doesn’t stop him from sitting with lynn in her breakfast nook and eating every single bite, including the second helping that she so graciously offered him. it wasn’t enjoyable by any means, but he thinks he’d do it ten times over just because it was something she made for him.

the two decide on going to the bakery so harry can fill out the paperwork for his new job. the relief that came with the money he got from his paintings was something he wasn’t really expecting, but it felt incredible to not have to be financially reliant on his parents for once. he’d be forever grateful that even lynn offered him the position, and even more so because she held it for him even though she thought harry was blowing her off.

when they walk in, harry’s greeted with the sweet smell of vanilla and cinnamon. the same scent that lynn often comes home smelling like on sundays, and completely unrelated, the same scent of wax melts harry ordered off of amazon when he noticed lynn wasn’t coming around anymore.

it was borderline creepy, but he missed her.

there’s a few unfamiliar faces standing behind the counter, tending to the very long line of people patiently waiting to be served. they all smile brightly when they see lynn coming in, pausing what they’re doing to greet her.

the small bakery that harry’s only ever seen when it was closed is nearly packed to the brim, bustling with chaos as people come and go. nearly every single seat is occupied, and he notices that even more people opt to take their pastries to go.

he knew lynn was successful by the way she’s been so generous with him, but he could’ve never imagined it to be to this extent.

harry watches in awe as lynn greets different people sitting at the tables. she knows all of them by their names, and they seem absolutely delighted to see her which makes him guess they’ve been regulars for a while. he follows her path all the way to the front of the bakery and behind the counter, standing to the side while lynn goes up to the older woman behind the register to give her a squeeze.

“hi delores,” he hears lynn say. “i’m just stopping in to help complete harry’s paperwork so charlotte doesn’t have to worry about it.”

lynn gestures over to him, and harry waves awkwardly at the woman, “ah, the cute boy you’ve got pictures of back there.”

his cheeks warm with embarrassment as he catches lynn’s eye roll before she says something about staying out of her office. he’s knows one of the pictures she’s talking about. it was from their trip to the beach, and honestly, harry nearly cried when he saw it. she had pictures of her and silas and her and another woman that he’s never met, but this photo was just him. lynn probably put it up to make their relationship more believable, but seeing it made him feel…he’s not really sure how to describe it.

harry sat in that back room forever trying to wipe the stupid grin off of his mouth. god, it was like he couldn’t stop it, so when lynn started asking about oliver, he lied. they were most definitely not seeing one another, but it was easier than having to explain why a photo made him so giddy.

lynn leads him back to the office, gesturing for him to sit in the office chair while she leaned over and pulled something up on the computer.

“sorry about delores,” she has her eyes fixed on the screen. “her daughter is the manager, and i guess she’s started a little gossip. i can take them down if you’d like.”

his eyes follow her hand as it reaches for a photo that he’s never seen before. it was of him and jane from the night he spent with their friends at her parents house. the little girl was sat on his knees while he roasted a marshmallow for her. she had the kind of happiness on her face that only exists when you’re a child, and the angle of the photo had silas as the number one culprit.

“i don’t mind,” harry says instead of what he really wants to. he thinks saying i think i am going to die when you decide you’re done with me might be a little too heavy for their current environment.

the girl hums the same song from this morning, and harry recognizes the melody this time, to be alone by hozier. he wonders if she’s always been a listener, or if the night he spent in the bakery influenced her music taste. before he can ask, a white screen on the computer gains his attention, and lynn pushes the mouse towards him.

“fill this out and hit submit whenever you’re done,” she says. “if you need help, i’ll be out there, helping on the register or something.”

harry nods and thanks her before turning to fill in all of the blanks. it was easy. the only part he really had to pay attention to was the taxpayer section, triple checking that he didn’t accidentally select the option that said he had six dependents.

the paperwork was finished in a little over ten minutes which had him wanting to repeatedly punch himself in the face. the thought of lynn waiting around for him all day when she was only asking him for ten minutes of his time made him feel even worse about the whole situation.

lynn walks in when he’s inserting his fourth event into his new google calendar app that was downloaded after making a mental promise of never disappointing the girl again. she already has her bag on her shoulder and two to-go cups from their coffee shop in her hand when she asks if he’s ready.

harry offers her his sunglasses when she complains of a lingering headache on the walk back to her car and she accepts, pushing them onto her face. once they’re inside, lynn pulls out a small white box, congratulations written on the top.

“to celebrate your new job,” she says, handing it over to him. it’s one of the cupcakes he loves. with the cream cheese icing and raspberry filling. if he could eat them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, he would.

“evy,” his throat feels scratchy. “i didn’t do anything. you gave me the job.”

she shrugs, putting the car in reverse, “i wouldn’t have offered it if i didn’t think it was something you deserved.”

harry can’t find it in himself to respond. in high school, he was awarded solos in chorus, he got the lead in a few plays, and he even made the winning play for his football team. not once did his parents congratulate him. there were no celebratory dinners, or even a “proud of you”. there was nothing.

and now, the girl he practically worshiped was making him his favorite cupcake to congratulate him for getting a job that he didn’t even work for.

“you’re doing an awful lot of thinking right now, harry. it’s freaking me out,” lynn tries again. “life’s too short to not want to celebrate the small things. eat your cupcake.”

“thank you, evy,” harry says. there’s force behind it. like his words aren’t just being said because they’re supposed to be when someone does something for you. “all of this means so much to me. i feel like i can’t find the words to say what i’m feeling.”

her hand reaches for his, squeezing once. she doesn’t say anything and harry realizes that maybe words aren’t needed at all.

kathleen calls when they’re in her complex’s apartment. jane was sick and needed to be picked up from school, and both her and peter were far out at work.

“i’ve got her,” harry says. “you don’t feel well, and you’ve done so much for me. rest, and i’ll do this.”

lynn hesitates for a minute, but eventually agrees, telling kathy to leave harry’s name with the receptionist. she thanks him with a kiss on his cheek and the keys to her car which jane’s carseat in the back.

maybe all of this meant their relationship was turned out to be more than the fake one they both had agreed to. of course they were friends, but harry had always thought that they were friends out of convenience. the two had to spend a lot of time together, so it’d make sense if they hung out as friends, too.

but, maybe being there at each others’ worst and helping one another out in such big ways meant that they were destined to be friends way after their arrangement ends. a small part of him hoped that would be true, and the larger part of him hoped that they’d end up being even more.

✮✮✮

A/N: waaaaa sorry it took so literal months to post this :( never will i disappear for so long again... anyways! this is almost finished! the rest is written so i'll have it out so soon i swear

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