#therapist!harry styles
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Wonderful World - Part 21**
Thanks for your patience with this one! Finally got around to finishing it! Series Masterlist
Warnings: Mentions of grief, different topics relating to pregnancy, disowning, unprotected sex, oral (fem receiving), fingering, cum play
WC: 10.1k
The Christmas holiday had been wonderful with Harryâs parents, Paul and Catherine. They were both so kind and warm towards her, Celeste, and Damian. Harryâs mom, Catherine, absolutely loved Disneyland, she even left with a pair of ears on her head that matched with Diana and Celesteâs. She had also taken a lot of care in getting to know Diana better, she would talk to her more than Harry at times. But Diana understood that she just wanted to get a feel for her and what her intentions were with her son. She did mentioned to Diana how much she loved to see Harry with Celeste; she brought a side out of him that she loved to see from her son. It brought a closeness between Catherine and Diana and even Damian, who had served as the sole paternal figure of sorts for Celeste until Harry came along into their lives.
Harryâs instinct about Celeste and his dad getting on well was correct. He, Celeste, and Paul did have a jam session or two during their visit. Paul was so smart and gentle, like Harry. It was evident to her that he really wanted to nourish his relationship with Harry and they spent a lot of time together when they didnât have plans with Diana and her family.
Harry shared with her that he had of course explained to them how they were proceeding with sharing their relationship with Celeste soon. They had decided to do so after the New Year, theyâd have breakfast and talk about it with her. And he told Diana that his parents were very insightful and offered him some advice about how to proceed in this relationship, which Harry took to heart because he truly wanted the relationship to succeed with Diana.Â
************
Damian had started to join Harry for his workout sessions while he was in town and it gave them a chance to get to know each other better as well. Harry had learned a lot about Damian and Dianaâs family, their dynamic, and of course with her permission, Damian shared a lot of the things that were a bit harder for her to share with others about her family life growing up. Damian of course, wanted to ensure that he wasnât giving Harry the lowdown on his sister for nothing at all, so as they had some coffee after their workout he decided to bring this up.
âHey, so obviously I think youâre a great guy and youâve really come through for Di and Celeste.â
âYeah, itâs been wonderful to do so.â Harry assured.
âYeah? Not too crazy?â Damian asked with a smile.
âI mean, a little crazy at timesâŚâ he confessed, âBut not in a bad way at all.â He smiled.
âWell thank you for sticking around.â
âI said Iâd do my best to.â He reminded and Damian smiled.
âSo this whole thing with Di? I mean you think itâs the real deal?â He asked and Harry nodded.
âOh definitely.â He smiled, âIâve never felt more complete or happy with the way things are going with her. And now that Celeste is more or less wanting this to happen between us, it seems like the perfect time to give it a real shot. Weâve talked about it, what we want, and weâre on the same page.âÂ
âAnd what is that?â
âWe want to have a life together eventually. We want our relationship to progress as normally as possible, no rushing into anything just because the feelings are there, you know?âDamian nodded, âObviously, her life is already established with Celeste and we also donât want to make abrupt changes. Like weâre still gonna have our own places, keep our relationship as private as possible so that we can work on things together without any pressure from Celeste-â
âGood call. She is eager for you two to get together.â He chuckled and Harry did as well.
âI knowâŚweâre going to tell her after New Yearâs. Just going to have a proper chat with her about it and share what we want. What boundaries weâre going to have, that sort of thing.â
âGood. She can be real meddlesomeâŚâ Damian chuckled, âEspecially if sheâs invested.â
âOh, I am awareâŚâ Harry smiled. âBut yeah, this is not just a placeholder for me. This is what I want. I mean, I didnât know it until it was happening that I wasâŚmissing something, you know?â
âI ummmâŚI donât actually. Not yet, at least.â Damian admitted with a bit of embarrassment.
âThatâs alright. I mean, is it something you want?â He asked and Damian smiled.
âNot yetâŚor like, I havenât felt that yet. Ever.â
âYouâve never had your heart broken?â Harry asked and Damian shook his head.
âNope, neverâŚâ
âReally?â He asked in a bit of disbelief.
âYeahâŚâ Damian chuckled, âI have had a lot of relationships and itâs not like I never cared about those people but I just donâtâŚwant everything else. And of course, the women Iâm with think theyâll change my mind if they take good care of me and allâŚand when it comes up and I tell them that nothing has changed for me, they get hurt and so IâŚfeel like an ass.â
âSome people are just meant to be alone, you know?â
âWell, Iâm the heir to my parentsâ empire, they expect me to have an heir of my own soâŚthatâs where it gets a bit weird.â He chuckled and Harry nodded in understanding.
âAnd Di is just, completely out of the picture?â He asked.
âOh yeahâŚI mean, after what happened at your practice my mom said herself that she would always hold that against her. Sheâs never broken a promise to me in my entire life soâŚâ
âFuckâŚIâm so sorry.â
âNo, donât be. You were right in what you did. No one as ever stood up to her or ever called her out for any of it except Diana. My dad isnât like that but heâŚheâd rather not go up against her. Sheâs the boss.â He chuckled.
âWomen are always the boss.â Harry smiled.
âThey are smarterâŚâ Damian confessed, âThereâs this woman from our branch in Spain? Lola.â He smiled and Harry nodded, âSheâs just an assistant but man is she fucking brilliant.â He smiled, âHer boss, our chief marketing strategist for that branch, runs all his ideas by her. I overheard it once before a big board meeting. She was explaining to him what it was he needed to say. After the meeting, which he totally rocked, I approached her about it, she played dumbâŚI told her I saw and overheard it as they were prepping and I offered a new job and a raise and she turned it down. Said she was happy doing what she was doing. Says it every time I bring it up to her.â
âDo you like her?â Harry asked.
âSheâs fascinating but no. Kind of reminds me of Di, so I look out for her a lot.â He explained, âSheâs fucking brilliant, you know? Diana got into Columbia all on her own.â
âYeah, she told me about that.â Harry smiled.
âI know sheâs been through a lot of shit but sometimes I wonder what her life would be like if none of it would have happened, you know? Where would she be? Where would I be?â
âWhere do you think sheâd be?â
âIn Mexico City, buried beneath a mountain of HR paperwork at our corporationâs HQ.â He said and Harry couldnât envision that. âShe got accepted into the Business Management concentration at Columbia, very competitive as an undergrad. She minored in psychology, wanted to do things along the social psychology area though and then do graduate work in HR Management. She didnât want to be in the business. But there was a whole fucking plan, obviously, it wasnât really her planâŚâ Damian explained, âItâs what she was expected to do. So she had to spin it in a way in which she could still do something she cared about so that she couldâŚsurvive. I mean, sheâs always loved and cared for people, so I think she wouldâve been alright going down that route for a bit. But I think she wouldâve been put in challenging situations that made her choose things that in her eyes werenât right. And I donât know if Iâm awful for saying this, but as much pain as sheâs experienced, maybe it was for the best? Because she would be so miserable. Absolutely hate her life if it were anything other than thisâŚâ Damian said, âSheâs happy now, doing something she loves.â
âHowâd she get into the whole Spanish thing?â
âWell in terms of our culture, sheâs always loved it, since we were kids. She was taking a class at Columbia about Latin American culture as an elective and well, when she transferred to another school she just stuck with that because she really liked it. I supposed it was also a comfort thing for her. There was so much pain and uncertainty in her life at that time that it was easier to stick to something she knew well and was familiar with, you know?â
âYeah, that makes sense.â Harry hummed, âBut I think youâre right, sheâs much happier doing what she loves, free to choose for herself than to be stuck doing something she hates. And well, we wouldât have CelesteâŚâ Harry said.
âExactly. I think everything happens for a reason. And well, my sisterâs life had gone according to my parentsâ plan until she refused to terminate her pregnancy. She lost a lot, but she gained her freedom and found herself and I think thatâs the most important thing to her anyway. And well, ultimately all of those things led you two together, which also has been great for her and Celeste. So I have to believe it all happened how it was supposed to.â
âWho knows, but I assure you that as long as she wants me in her life, I will be here and I will take care of her and Celeste.â
âI know you will. I trust you with them, thatâs big for me.â Damian shared.
âWell thank you for trusting me.â
âYouâve earned it.â Damian assured. âIf I knew that my family could beâŚdifferent, I think I would be more open to marriage and kidsâŚbut my parents are just great atâŚsucking the life out of everything. I donât want to bring anyone into that. Seems very irresponsible to me.â
âYeah, I get that.â Harry nodded, âItâs why I never wanted kids of my own.â
âYour sweet old parents traumatized you?!â Damian asked in surprise and Harry chuckled.
âI think all of our parents traumatize us in a way. Theyâre wonderful people, donât get me wrong, but when youâre a child you just want them around. And I grew up feeling like they loved their work more than me. And being the child of two renowned psychiatrists brings a crippling self awareness at a very young age.â He chuckled, âI viewed my parents exactly as they are from a very young age. Just regular, flawed people who made good and bad choices, like everyone elseâŚâ he sighed, âAnd I was resentful for a long time. The idea of coming to America, not wanting to have kids, that was initially born out of spite for them. Like Diana, I wanted my freedom. But as I got older and I fell in love with the field for myself I realized that my plan to leave and not reproduce was still what I wanted, just my intentions were wrong before. I didnât and still donât want to take on the legacy of what theyâve built across Europe. I think itâs great, but they hardly get to practice, which is where my heart lies. Iâve poured myself into my work and that wouldnât be fair to my partner or my child, you know?â
âExactly!â Damian agreed with enthusiasm, âI felt like my work with the family was an obligation before but when I delved in I fell in love with it. And Iâm good at it, better than my father is. I want to make it better and that requires a lot of my time and dedication.â He said, âSo, did your mind change about what you wanted? Like do you want to have kids now? With my sister?â
âOh no, I also just donât like babies.â Harry confessed and Damian chuckled but nodded. âDiana and I are on the same page with that. Weâve checked in again about it because well, weâre not getting any younger.â Harry shrugged, âBut ummm, yeah she doesnât want that and I donât either. Celeste is enough for the both of us.â
âI think Di might also be a bitâŚtraumatized about pregnancy and babies and that kind of thing. I mean, she did it all on her own, I was there when I could be, which she overestimates. I shouldâve just moved back here t-to help her out moreâŚIâll always regret that.â He said and Harry frowned but nodded, âShe just had such a hard time that I think if she did it again, even with a partner it would just fuck her up for a bit.â
âYeah, understandably so.â Harry agreed, âI mean, at the end of the day I think we just want to make each other happy and we both agree that we donât need that to be happy. Weâve not chosen ourselves for a long time, so this is for us. Just for us.â Harry smiled.
âGood. Thatâs goodâŚâ Damian smiled.
****************
The New Year came and went and Diana got a bit too nervous about telling Celeste about her and Harry. So she spoke to him and they postponed it and gave themselves one more week, and boy was that week becoming very challenging for DianaâŚ
Specially after spending the holidays with Harryâs family, Celeste was more pushy than ever. Dianaâs anxiety was getting even more out of hand. She had never known Celeste to be this defiant with her over something, but she was constantly having to ask her to please stop meddling in what she wanted for her future. But it seemed that Celeste wasnât understanding the havoc it was wreaking on Dianaâs emotions. To Celeste it seemed like playful teasing or something, but to Diana it felt suffocating.Â
Diana was aware that she had major abandonment issues, not just because of Wesleyâs passing, but from the way her parents distanced themselves from her so suddenly, and then from Wesleyâs parents as well; the people who had loved her so much and treated her like their own with such warmth and kindness. She hoped to find comfort with them, to be able to grieve with them and to count on them for support with Celeste. After all, she was their grand daughter, but his parents never really recovered from the loss and also cut off all contact. All of Celesteâs persistence was making her feel trapped and afraid of what she wanted with Harry. What if something happened to him too? That was the fear that prevented her from letting people in for all these years and it had been growing steadily and had just reached itâs boiling point.
âBaby, whatâs the matter?â Harry asked Diana as he pulled her into his arms as she sobbed hard. He walked them back inside her house where it was warm. It was nearly 2am and freezing cold outside and he didnât want her getting sick right before school started. But she just cried and cried for several minutes in his arms. Celeste was gone at a sleepover at Geriâs, so thankfully, no one was home but them two and she could say everything she wanted to say, so she did.
She told him how Celeste kept pushing her and it was making her nervous about her not respecting the boundaries they wanted to set. She told him about how she considered backing out and staying alone instead of being with him how she wanted to because it would just be easier. She told him how she feared for her heart, how she feared another loss, how she feared letting their lives entangle even deeper. She shared the internal war she was at with her head and her heart. She shared her anxieties, her hopes, and her desires. She had poured her heart out to him in a way she never had before. It was chaotic and painful, but it was also extremely vulnerable and motivated by her need for love. Not just any love, his love. She needed to know that he could still love her through all of this and most importantly, be patient with her.
It was essentially a verbal brain dump, he couldnât take any of her feelings too personally. All of her fears were valid and he couldnât even guarantee to her that he wouldnât abandon her in the way she feared, that was completely out of his control. Of course, voluntarily, he would be there for as long as he could be, but sometimes shit happens and accidents happen and thereâs no way to prevent that, as she had experienced already. But Harry could see that she didnât want to give up, she was just feeling so pressured and overwhelmed. Obviously, Harry knew that Celeste didnât intend to be badgering her mom, she just wanted to know, to be let in, probably even to gush over her love life with her the way Diana had done with her over Ben. Diana also expressed that she just couldnât blow up on Celeste over this, she wasnât being rude or anything, but even as Diana kindly tried to emphasize that she just needed privacy to deal with this for a bit, Celeste was stubborn.
â-itâ just feels like a lot emotionally, you know?â She sighed before inhaling shakily and he squeezed her had, his thumb running over her knuckles soothingly.
âYeah, it is, love.â
âI just donât know if itâs fair to you that Iâm soâŚflighty.â She frowned and he smiled.
âLove, the last thing you are is flighty.â He assured, âYou are so consistent and responsible, and on top of your things. And this is an area of your life which you havenât really explored or prioritized in a while, you know? So itâs going to take some getting used to, yeah?â
âYeah.â She mumbled, âYou make me so happy. But Iâm still terrified of just getting it out there.â She explained.
âIâm scared too.â He confessed, âBut I trust you with my heart. I donât know what life will throw at us at any point, but I do believe that you will always have my best interest at heart. And I promise I too have your best interest at heart.â
âI do and I know you do too.â she confirmed, âI feel the same about you. Iâm just afraid to really let myself feel happy about this because IâŚI just donât want our time t-to be cut short.â
âOh my love, câmere.â He hummed and she nestled herself into his arms. Her back rested against his chest as he kissed the side of her head. âYou canât think like that all the time.â He advised, âThink of all the time weâll have instead versus the time we wonât have. Better to enjoy everything now, day by day, yeah? Focus on the memories we get to make and how our relationship will grow and keep getting better?â
âYouâre right.â She responded. The feeling of his chest rising and falling with his breaths made Diana feel more present. âThank you for coming over and listening to all this. It canât be easy to hear it.â
âIâll always listen to how you feel, Di. Love you.â
âI love you too.â She responded and he kissed her head again. They just sat like that together in the silence for a little bit, âWanna stay with me?â She asked quietly, she was a bit shy to ask but she didnât want him to go now that he was here.
âYeah, baby. Iâll stay with you.â He smiled through his confirmation.
Soon enough they were heading up the stairs and into her bedroom. It was a bit colder in her room with the big glass doors not providing too much insulation, but that was alright with him, if they got cold they could just cuddle up closer. He climbed into the side of the bed opposite she slept on and soon they were facing each other, her face was buried in his neck. Her soft breaths were tickling his skin as he smoothed his hand up and down the curve of her hip. Then Harry felt her lips pucker up right at the base of his jaw and he smiled. She then did it again before sucking gently.
âIs this alright?â She mumbled into his heated skin and he swallowed.
âYeah, baby.â He barely got out before her soft sucks against the sensitive skin of his neck started to make all of the excitement swirl up in his tummy. His fingers were now holding tight to her as her sucks intensified. She was leaving a mark and that made him run absolutely wild. After a few more seconds she pulled off and kissed up his jaw, pecking right at the corner of his lip.
âCheeky girl.â He hummed and she smiled.
âIâve missed you.â She whispered. Diana was still a bit timid to fully initiate sex with him, she was working up to it, hoping heâd ask first.
âReally? Itâs only been a few daysâŚâ he teased and she grinned.
âI canât help it.â She shrugged and he chuckled, âYou didnât miss me?â She asked and he hummed playfully, âBe nice to meâŚâ she mumbled which made Harry kiss her forehead.
âCourse I did, baby. Youâre constantly on my mind if youâre not close by.â He confirmed softly and she nuzzled closer to him, âMmmm baby, how do I say âkiss meâ in Spanish?â He hummed inquisitively and she grinned as she reared back a bit to try and get some sort of a glimpse of him despite the darkness.
âSe dice, âbĂŠsameâ.â She said quietly, her lips nearly skimming his own. Harry grinned and in a quick and smooth movement he had her under him. One of his big, warm hands was holding her face as he dipped down. His lips tickling and skimming against her own from how close they were.
âBĂŠsame.â He whispered. She could practically taste him saying the words and forming them with his lips.Â
Diana let out a breathy exhale as she arched up while tugging him down to allow their eager mouths to meet. From the get-go the kiss was intense. His hips were pressing against hers, she could feel him steadily growing in his pants as they continued smearing their lips together with the same urgency of two teenagers who could get caught at any second. Her hands were roaming the expanse of his back, feeling up his muscular physique to her heartâs content.Â
âGet this off.â she muttered as she tugged at his shirt and Harry knelt up and stripped it off his body swiftly. She raised her arms up and he pulled her top off as well. He dipped down and pecked her quickly before sinking lower and sucking one of her nipples between his lips as his hand came up and grabbed her other breast. He kneaded her soft skin in his hands before sucking over that nipple as well. He loved to hear her whimpering beneath him, humping up against his muscular thigh in desperate need of some friction.
âWant me to inside you?â He asked gruffly.
âYes, baby. PleaseâŚâ she moaned and he kissed her deeply and rolled off of her to get undressed the rest of the way. He then helped her out and right before he could get his mouth on her she was pulling him up by the hair. âDo that later.â She panted and he grinned before kissing her as she reached down to find his erection and line it up with her entrance.
âDamn baby, so fucking wet fâme.â He panted and he felt his cock basking in the slick warmth between her legs. âShitâŚCan I put it in, love?âÂ
âYeah baby, put it in.â She sighed with urgency.Â
With her confirmation, Harry snapped his hips up and his thick head pushed into her entrance and she inhaled sharply as her fingernails dug into his bare back. Harry groaned in response and breathed in her shaky exhales as he rolled his hips down against hers. His cock was sliding through her tight walls at the perfect pace. In and out. In and out. Delving in deep and reaching spots that were making her tingle and then moan his name. He gradually started going a bit harder and deeper with each thrust; he loved the sound of their bodies meeting, soft wet sounds that he wanted engraved into his memory forever and ever.
âShit, you feel so good around my big cockâŚâ he grunted and Diana whimpered and clamped her walls down around him, âYou want more, donât you?â He grinned and she nodded and he took that as his cue to fuck into her harder than before. He was pounding her so deep that her bed frame was creaking beneath them. And soon a rhythmic thumping against the wall in perfect time with his deep grunts joined in the symphony of their gentle and desperate sin. His moans and soft sounds of satisfaction were making Dianaâs brain melt to mush. She gasped and her back started arched up when Harry rubbed into her clit, it was all swollen and slippery with a blend of their arousal. He was enjoying watching her eyes roll back and then squeeze shut; he loved watching her lose herself in him. âFuck baby, youâre right there, arenât you? Gonna come on my cock?â
âYeah, HarryâŚfuck ju-just a little bit faster!â She mewled her request and he picked up the pace and in moments he felt her walls suffocating his cock, creating the most wonderful feeling around him. It felt as though he was being pulled deeper into her and he moaned and even went a little lightheaded as he allowed his hips to move however he needed to get him off. Harryâs desperation for his own orgasm was pushing her over that coveted precipice. And finally, she tipped over the edge. Her entire body was vibrating with ecstasy as the rush of pleasure crashed over her and rolled her in its currents. Her skin was covered in goosebumps, her inhales were shallow, and her moans melodious as the feelings pumped through her veins. She felt her ears ringing as the pleasure reached the top of her head, her body was completely tense as she hung on to the feeling for as long as she could.
 âOh fuck, babyâŚshit, Iâm gonna come!â He groaned. He pounded away into her a couple more times, feeling her writhing beneath his body as his pulsing balls drew up tight, getting ready to unload his hot cum deep inside of her, âFuck baby, there it isâŚFuuuck yes.â He moaned as he pressed deep inside of her as he filled her up with gush after gush of his sperm. She grabbed his face and kissed him deeply as he fell over her. They kissed until they started getting all hot and bothered again.Â
Their make out session was heated and needy. He didnât dare pull out of her yet, he wasnât even going completely soft, so he was tucked into her, keeping them connected until he mumbled that he wanted to go down on her. He kissed all the way down to her swollen and glistening folds and licked at her clit and made her come a couple times with his fingers nestled against her g-spot. He was fucking his load of sperm back into her pussy with them until she was trembling and nearly incoherent, begging him to stop. He kissed back up her body and locked lips with hers, letting her taste the lovely mess theyâd made together. They were both sweaty heaps catching their breaths on Dianaâs bed. Her fingers were raking through his sweaty, brown curls while he kissed up and down the inside of her fore arm.
âYouâre so hot.â She whispered with a grin and his lips twitched up in a smirk.
âThank you. So are you, baby.â He hummed back.
âYouâre too good at what you do, HarryâŚwhy are you so good at sex?â She asked and he chuckled.
âIâm only interested in being good at everything I do, not just sex.â He said smugly and she smiled. âBut Iâm glad you think Iâm good at it. Want to be good for you.â He hummed and she smiled as she kissed his damp curls.
âShould we have a shower?â
âYeah, baby.â He hummed and he told her to go ahead while he stripped the bed and put everything in the washer before he joined her. That had at least given her time to wash her hair. She was able to finish up before him and get some new sheets out. He soon joined her and helped her set up the bed again before they got dressed and cuddled against each other, both of them shivering as they adjusted to the temperature.
âI think we should talk to Celeste tomorrow. You can pick her up from Geriâs and I can make us some early dinner. Or vice versa.â She said and he nodded.
âYeah, we can do that. Can I bring Misty tomorrow? Donât want to leave her alone all day.â
âYeah, fineâŚas long as she doesnât come in here, cat hairâs the worst.â She said and he hummed.
âWell youâre in luck, sheâs hypoallergenic!â
âThey still shedâŚâ
âMinimally, love.â He said and she sighed, âYou still scared of her?â
âI always will be.â She admitted and she chuckled and kissed her shoulder. âShe can be around though, Celeste loves her.â
âOK, love.â
âSo how are we gonna do this, logistically speaking? Maybe Celeste must have plans at least once a month so we can have a couple days during the escape room weekends.â
âOh, thatâs brilliantâŚâ he mused.
âI know, huh? Iâve had lots of time to think about it.â She smiled.
âMy parents really loved you and Celeste, you know?â
âYeah?â
âMhmmm, but now my momâs even more bummed about the no babies thing.â He said and she giggled, âSaid theyâd look like little angelsâŚI think sheâs right, theyâd be real cute.â He hummed and she smiled.
âYeah, I think so tooâŚâ she hummed.
âDo you think youâd ever change your mind?â He asked and she hummed.
âMaybeâŚbut just pregnancy is not something I want to do again. I think it was just such a dark time in my life that likeâŚI feel like it would emotionally make me or break me.â She explained. âI know before I mentioned just not wanting to have a baby againâŚbut itâs more complicated than that. I thinkâŚI mean, I have thought about it, if we had kids. I think weâre both mature enough and of sound mindâŚâ she explained and he smiled, âAnd I know it would be very different this time around in terms of the level of support Iâd have. But physically I think I would have a hard time with it, just because of before. I think my body would react badly to a pregnancy, like I just feel it in my gut.â She explained, âAnd I mean, I feel like I have everything I want and need, so I would hate to put myself and risk and not be there for Celeste. You know?â
âYeah, of course. And I mean, pregnancy was very emotionally traumatic for you. I get that, love.â
âD-do you see yourself changing your mind about this?â She asked him nervously.
âI could, but only if you really wanted it. I donât think we would be missing out at all if we donât have a baby. Besides, if Grace gets pregnant then weâll have a baby around for quite a whileâŚwe could share with them, theyâre such going-out types, Iâm sure weâd be the default babysitters. And Iâm certain a few hours with the baby would be more than enough to keep us set in our decision to not have our own baby.â He shared and she laughed a bit.
âYeah, thatâs trueâŚI just donât want to make you not have something because of my bad experience, you know?â
âWell thank you for thinking of me, but I assure you, we both make that decision here, but you hold the most weight to it. Honestly, I have what I need with you and Celeste, I donât need anything else.â He assured her.
âWhat if we get a dog? A small one though? They can play with Misty.â
âYeah, I like dogs.â He smiled.
âMore than cats?â She asked and he chuckled.
âAdmittedly, yes. Cats can be very temperamental, but I got so lucky with Misty, sheâs such an easy one.â
âShe really isâŚsheâs quite similar to you actually, even tempered, easygoing, energetic, a little clingyâŚâ
âAm I?â He smiled and she giggled and nodded.
âYeah, but I like it.â She assured him, âItâs nice to have someone around who wants to be around, you know?â
âYeah, definitely.â He smiled.
âCan I ask you something? We donât have to talk about if you donât want, but ummm, what about Rebecca? Like is that something that still bothers you? Or is it fine now?â
âLike the cheating or the baby?â He asked.
âBoth, I guessâŚâ
âWell, the cheating I got over. I think if I had been a lot more in love with her it would have been a lot harder to deal with. But like, we were trying really hard to make it work and to be happy, almost forcing it to work, you know? By then I had alreadyâŚstarted to be interested in you, I mean, well you know that.â He smiled bashfully and she hummed. âSo yeah, I was just more upset that she was feeling the strain and never said anything to me and let it get to that point. I mean, I was trying to make it work, but maybe I shouldâve said something first?â He explained and she nodded. âAnd with the babyâŚI mean, Iâm happy for her. It seems that Eddie brought out a more relaxed side of her, which is good.â Harry said. âIt did kind of send me into an existential spiral at firstâŚmade me wonder if maybe I just wasnât good enough for her. Like I personally donât prefer to have kids, but I thought I was gonna marry her so I was like âsure, if you really want âem with meâ. But ummm, I just felt a bit inadequate for a minute there.âÂ
âHave you talked since?â Diana asked him.
âYeah, a couple of times. Mostly to refer some of her clients for evaluations or services, or to be an expert witnessâŚhave that coming up soon.â
âOoh, have to go to court?â
âYep.â He chuckled. âBut yeah, we talk from time to time. Weâre on good terms.â
âThatâs really good to know. My mom always said that only bad partners are on bad terms with their exes.â
âOhâŚI quite like thatâŚâ Harry hummed and she smiled into the silence.Â
âYeahâŚdo you have any questions for me?â She asked and he sighed.
âYeah, tonsâŚwhen I was talking to your brother he said that like, even though all of this was really painful for you to attain, that this was your best outcome. And I guess Iâm wondering if youâŚagree with that?â
âYeah, I do.â She answered quickly without any hesitation. âI donât regret anything about my life now, I meanâŚI do wish my relationship was better with my whole family. But say I listened to my mom and terminated my pregnancy, the judgement would still be there from everyone. Probably even worse as my extended family is still really influenced by Catholicism and theyâre very intolerant of abortion or divorce for really any reason. So even if I assumed the position my family wanted me in, I would still be an outsider. But ultimately, I think I am where I need to be. I love the life I have with Celeste. I love teaching, so much. I love getting to make my own choices. I love not having to be around all that pressure; I would surely break.â She chuckled dryly.
âOh I donât think you would break, baby. Youâre one of the strongest persons Iâve ever met.â He said with certainty, âBut I think that eventually you would have to get out. Not because you arenât strong enough to deal with. Quite the opposite actually. Youâd have the strength and courage that it takes to walk away from all of it. I donât think that life was meant for you, you know?â
âYeah, definitely not. I am very happy with what I have going on now.â She confirmed and he smiled. âIâm happy with you.â
âGood. Iâm happy with you too.â He whispered.
**************
The following morning Diana was a little more on edge. She had woken up before Harry and had a body shower. She had her coffee and then made breakfast, which woke Harry up. He was quick to wash up as well and join her. There was some music playing softly from her phone that had her slightly swaying her hips as she did something over the sink. Harry walked up quietly before hugging around her hips. She froze in surprise before melting into his touch.
âGâmorning.â She greeted sweetly as he smushed a big kiss to her temple.
âMorning, baby.â He mumbled. âWhat can I do to help?â He asked lowly, his voice still raspy from its lack of use over the night.
âCan you dice those peppers up for me?â She said shooting a glance to the cutting board with a red and green pepper already laid out.
âSure.â He smiled and headed over. She glanced over a few times but stopped when she saw him properly dice the first little bit. âAm I doing something wrong?â He asked her when he caught her final glance.
âNope. Youâve got it.â She smiled and he chuckled.
âSâthis a good size?â He asked and she glanced back over with a grin.
âYes, chef.â She winked and he chuckled and proceeded with his task. âDo you like the potato skin or nah?â She asked.
âI do.â He responded.
âPerfect!â She exclaimed, âSaves me the trouble of peelingâŚâ she mumbled quietly to herself and he smiled, âMmmm nopeâŚc'mere.â She mumbled and Harry glanced over and giggled.
âWho? Me?â He asked glancing back in confusion.
âNo, sorry.â She giggled, âA potato was rolling away.â She explained and soon came up beside him and set up to chop the potatoes. In moments she was flawlessly dicing up a potato. Harry stopped his own task just to watch how gracefully she worked, swiftly and silently. When she realized he was just staring she cracked a smile and then stopped to glanced up at him. âWhat?â
âNothing, keep working.â He hummed.
âOkayâŚ?â She said and he cocked his head to the side.
âMâno, youâre supposed to say âyes, chefâ when I tell you to do something.â
âOh, OK. Ask again.â She played along.
âKeep working, Di.â
âYes, chef.â She said with a pleasant smile and he chuckled.
âYouâre cute.â
âThank you.â She smiled and he chuckled and then continued his own chopping.Â
It made them both so happy that this is what every day could look like in the future. This was lovely and peaceful and comforting. It was worth working towards and with this in mind Diana decided to stop being afraid of Celeste. She knew that she was supportive of her and Harry dating now so that made her feel easier about the conversation. After breakfast Harry went home to feed Misty and then get showered and changed. Diana did a similar thing, she tidied around the house before getting some lasagna going because Harry had really liked it last time and Celeste also really loved it. She was just about preheat the oven when Celesteâs call came in and she wiped her hands on her apron before picking up.
âHi, mamita!â Diana greeted cheerfully.
âHey, just wondering what time you were planning on coming to get me?â She asked.
âActually Harryâs gonna go pick you up. He was planning on being there around 3 and heâs gonna come over for dinner, is that good?â
âOh yeah, perfect! We wanted to go to this new boba place real quick!â
âYeah, you guys have time. Just get a small size though, I made lasagna for dinner.â
âYes!â She cheered lowly and Diana chuckled a bit.
âAlright. Be safe. Iâll tell Harry to text you when heâs heading out.â
âOkay thanks, mom. See you later!â
âSee ya, love you.â
âLoveyoubye.â She said quickly before hanging up.Â
Diana finished layering the lasagna just in time for the oven to reach the designated temperature and she got it inside and set the timer on her phone before hurrying up to have a shower and get changed. She was mentally rehearsing how she wanted to share this with Celeste and when. Should they eat and then talk, or talk first and then eat? Or talk while they ate? Diana was getting on some light makeup on her as she considered these things. Time seemed to fly by because the unmistakable whir of their property gate opening pulled her from her thoughts. She quickly finished applying her mascara before hurrying to her closet and picking out what she wanted to wear. After settling on some jeans, a white t-shirt and an oversized baby blue cardigan, she got into her slippers just as the front door was opening.
âMom, weâre home!â Celeste called loudly and Diana exhaled before heading downstairs. She could hear them sayin how it smelled delicious and how they needed to find a good place to put Mistyâs food and water bowl. She was about to reach the last few steps when Misty stopped at the staircase and then peered up at her expectantly.
âOh please, donât.â Diana mumbled to herself lowly as Misty put a paw on the bottom step and sniffled at it. She made a move to head down but with a heavier step to try and startle her away. The cat recoiled a bit and then glanced up at her with curios eyes. She was about to ask one of them to come get her when Harry came around from the kitchen and she sighed in relief. âThank god.â She sighed and he laughed.
âHow long have you been standing there?â
âJust a few moments.â She said and he hummed. âCan you tell her to move or just grab her.â
âDi, I think you ought to face your fear. Just step down and sheâll get out of the way.â
âYou donât think I tried that already?â
âCome on, love. Sheâs real sweet.â He assured and she glanced down at the cat now rubbing up against Harryâs legs. Suddenly Celeste walked over and her eyes lit up at the scene before her and then started to laugh.
âWait, how long have you been there?â She questioned.
âNot long.â Diana sighed at yet another question about her being stuck on the staircase.
âYou guys match!â Celeste observed with a smile and then you glanced over at Harry and he chuckled.
âGreat minds, kid.â He said to Celeste and she chuckled and nodded in agreement. âSo are we having dinner on the staircase or are you gonna come down?â He asked and Celeste smirked at her, awaiting her response to Harryâs question.
âTell you what, I need to go to the bathroom. When Iâm out, you need to be down here by whatever means possible.â Celeste said and Diana rolled her eyes.
âOK, you go do that. Please, take your time.â She insisted and Celeste smirked as she kept on walking to the bathroom and disappearing from their line of sight.
âCâmon love, sheâs not going to hurt you. I promise.â Harry appealed to Diana once more.
âI just donât want her anywhere near my ankles. Just pick her up please. I will even put her head! I just need her away from my ankles.âÂ
âOK, deal.â He said crouching down and easily picking Misty up in one hand by her tummy and then settling her against his side and Diana descended the rest of the steps.
âDo we tell her before or after we eat?â Diana asked as she reached out slowly. She flinched a bit when Mistyâs cool, damp nose nudged at her fingertips, sniffing her out a bit.
âI think so because she told me she had the medium sized bubble tea.â Harry chuckled and Diana sighed and then reached up and touched the soft fur in between Mistyâs ears and then scratched a bit which made Misty relax into Harryâs hold and she closed her eyes. âSheâs purring. She likes it.â He told her and Diana smiled a bit as she started to hear the very soft and low hums herself. âAre you nervous?â
âOf course.â She said quietly as her eyes met Harryâs, he looked calm, the kind of calm she wanted to be right about now, âWhat the fuuu-?!â She gasped and pulled away startling Misty. She shook her hand and Harry laughed.
âWhat?â
âShe licked me! I was not mentally prepared to feel that texture on my hand.â She said through her laugh and he joined her as well.
âWhy are you nervous?â He asked her and she bit her lip.
âI donât knowâŚâ
âYou do.â He insists.
âWhat ifâŚthings justâŚâ
âDonât work out?â He asked and she nodded.
âI donât want toâŚopen this up and give her hope that we can be a family one day and then something goes wrong and she loses you.â
âLove, I mean this with so much care and love, but this isnât about Celeste. Pain and disappointment are a sad reality of life, you know that.â He said and she sighed, âBut the wonderful thing about life is also that when you have people to share those hard times with, it makes them more tolerable. I canât promise that Iâll be perfect or that I wonât hurt and disappoint you every now and again, Iâm only human.â He chuckled, âBut I can promise to do everything I can to ensure that we have open and honest communication and that we set realistic expectations of what we can do to make each other feel happy and safe with the time we have together.â He said and she nodded, she was petting at Mistyâs head again, her eyes focused on her sweet little face as she took in Harryâs words, âDi, look at me.â He insisted and she glanced up at him, âI love you. And I love Celeste. So weâre all gonna be okay.â He said with a soft and sincere smile.
âI love you too.â She whispered with a smile. âThank you for being so patient with me.â
âOf course, always.â He responded and then they headed off to the kitchen. Misty was now exploring about and Harry was opening a bottle of wine when Celeste walked back in.
âDid she touch the cat?â Celeste asked Harry and Diana whipped around quickly.
âI did.â Diana confirmed with a small smile.
âDang itâŚâ she mumbled as she hopped up onto one of the stools under the kitchen island and Harry chuckled.
âDi, do you want a glass?â
âPlease.â She responded.
âMamita, do you want anything before we eat?â
âNo, Iâll wait. I didnât get the small boba.â She confessed.
âSo I heard.â She smiled at her briefly and Celeste glanced to Harry.
âTraitor.â She said with a small smile.
âSheâs not mad is she?â Harry asked as he poured Diana her glass of wine.
âFair.â She mumbled as she watched Diana just looking at Harry, waiting for him to finish up. Once he handed over her glass Diana grabbed it and brought it to her lips before starting to drink it down. Harry was serving himself so he didnât see, but this was surprising to Celeste and her eyes widened as she finished the glass and then set it down. âUmmm, mom are you alright?â She asked her and Diana glanced up at her looking slightly embarrassed at being caught by her young daughter as she guzzled down some alcohol. At this Harry glanced over to her too and she started to feel nervous again.
âI am, but ummm, I do need to talk to you about something.â She said and Celeste nodded, âItâs a more or less a serious conversation which I am feeling a little nervous about,â she admitted, âso ummm, thatâs why I did that. Sorry, if that worried you.â
âWell, seems like I should be worried.â Celeste said, her demeanor visibly more tense as the uncertainty of the topic at hand settled in.
âItâs not a bad thing.â Diana said and then glanced to Harry for some help and he was currently having some of his wine as well. His own nerves getting the best of him. Celeste looked between the two of them waiting for more information.
âUmmmâŚokayâŚâ she said as she looked between them some more.
âDo you want more wine?â He asked her.
âPlease.â Diana hummed and Harry came over to the island and grabbed her glass and served her some more and she glanced down at it and exhaled shakily, she was struggling to breathe in again until she felt Harryâs warmth closer than before and she glanced to her side to see him giving her a small reassuring smile as he nodded. She then inhaled and turned back to Celeste.
âYouâre freaking me out.â Celeste said with concern and Diana groaned softly.
âIâm sorry, Iâm just bad at this and Iâm a bit nervous.â She confessed, âBut ummm, I know that youâve been ummm⌠interested a little more in my love life as of late.â Diana started, âAnd ummm, I just wanted to tell you thatâŚwell ummmâŚ.â She said as she glanced up at Harry who just nodded, âWeâre ummmâŚHarry and I-â as soon as she heard this her mouth widened in a surprised smile and her eyes widened.
âYouâre gonna date? You two?â She interrupted and Diana glanced back at Harry who was smiling at her already before looking back to Celeste and they nodded.
âI-is that alright?â Harry asked and she grinned. And grabbed her phone and started typing something in quickly and momentâs later Handelâs Hallelujah chorus came through the speakers on her phone as she sang along goofily, âFi-na-llyyyyy!â She groaned dramatically after a few seconds and Diana and Harry laughed at her theatrics.
âAlright, alright the serious part of the conversation still needs to happen.â Harry said and she paused the song and nodded, but she was beaming, anxiously waiting for the next part. âSo ummm, as you know, this is something new for your mum, and well you too.â Harry started, âAnd I know it can beâŚexciting,â he said and she nodded, âbut ummm, for y-your mum itâs also quite nerve racking. So weâve decided on having a few boundaries about what we want to share w-with you for the time being.â He said and she looked to Diana for more explanation on this.
âMamita, I just need you t-to be a little patient with me now.â Diana said, âLike, over the last few weeks weâve been trying t-to build up to telling you, but you were a little tooâŚpushy with the topic and it kept making mer nervous and postpone the conversation with you and I guess we just need privacy to settle into this before we are more comfortable being together openly w-with you.â
âSo Iâm tooâŚnosy?â She asked and Diana frowned, âAnd if I stop you guys will keep dating?â She added, her lips curled up a bit and Diana sighed.
âY-yes.â She admitted with a tinge of hesitation and Celeste let out a laugh.
âOkay! I can mind my business!â She said and Diana and Harry chuckled, âAs a matter of fact,â she said as she hopped off the stool, âI donât even care. I donât at all. Iâm just a selfish teenager who worries about her friends and stupid problems.â She said as she backed away from the kitchen. And they laughed and called her back so that they could actually finish up and she leaned on the counter now wearing the biggest smile, âOK, go on.â She insisted.
âWell, I know you donât care or whatever,â she started with a small smirk and Celeste giggled, âbut I just want you t-to be comfortable. I mean, neither of us is super big on PDA, but I mean, we might hold hands sometimes or even kiss quickly or something like that,â Diana blushed, âand like, while you might be happy about this, it can also be a little weird. So if you ever do, just let me know.â She said and Celeste nodded.
âOkay. Thanks.â She said. âCan I ask you a question?â
âUmmm, letâs hear it.â Diana decided.
âWhen did this start?!â She asked.
âLike when did we start to like each other or when did we first go on a date?â Harry asked.
âBoth? I-if thatâs allowed.â She added.
âWell, I started liking your mum since you two first came t-to the practice.â He admitted and Celesteâs jaw dropped in shock at this. âYeah, I knowâŚâ Harry chuckled. âI donât know, I just thought she was so beautiful and sweet and she was just stuck in my head.â He said and then she glanced to Diana awaiting her response.
âOh, me.â Diana chuckled a bit nervously, âUmmmâŚw-we ran into each other one night after our classes and that girl from your class was following you?â She said to Harry and he nodded.
âYou had a stalker?â Celeste asked and Harry chuckled and turned to her quickly.
âNo. She just had a crush on me at the start of the semester and was trying really hard to have more time with me.â He explained. âEither way, you noticed I was looking rather uncomfortable so you approached us-â
âYeah, I pretended to be his girlfriend that was running late.â Diana said, âAnd that was the girl that approached us at Cafe Flores, remember?â She asked Celeste and she nodded.
âOhâŚâ
âYeah, so thatâs when I realized I liked him.â Diana said and Harryâs brows furrowed suddenly.
âThat conversation didnât end well if I recall correctly.â He said with a frown.
âYeah, it did not.â Diana chuckled, âBut I felt so crumby after you said that we should just keep it as professional as possible that it hit me then that IâŚhad a crush on you.â She confessed.
âIt canât be anything else? A better moment where I wasnât a prick to you?â
âI canât choose when my feelings happened! Thatâs when I confirmed that I liked you.â She giggled and he hummed.
âFine.â He hummed and she smiled and then turned to Celeste.
âAnd I asked Harry out on a date during the summer but ummm, things were going well with you in therapy and you were saying that you wanted to keep him around as your therapist for as long as possible and well, we canât do that while he was working with you so we decided not to continue with that -er us then. But that was technically the first dateâŚâ
âYou were not going to be together because of me?â She asked with a small frown.
âYeah, but just because ethically itâs frowned upon t-to have what is called a dual relationship with a client and their family or friends. So if someone else in my field were to find out that I was dating a clientâs parent I could get my licenses revoked and it would be quite bad for all of us. And well, also you had expressed some hesitation with your mum dating before to me in session, and well, you didnât react well when you thought we were dating that one time, so I think we both just felt thatâŚnot being together was the best thing to do for all of us.â He explained.
âOhâŚnow I feel bad.â She pouted a bit.
âNo mamita, donât feel bad. It really was our bad. I mean, those kinds of rules are there for a reason. And I think that youâve even experienced some of that with Harry in terms of wanting him around for more things in your life. Its quite a fine line to walk but everything is working out now and ummm, w-we want to give it a real shot now that we can without risking his entire career.â She said and Celeste smiled a bit.
âOkay, well I am fully on board with this.â She said and Diana chuckled.
âDonât we knowâŚâ she mumbled and Celeste grinned.Â
âWell, at the end of the day I just want you to be happy too.â Celeste said to Diana, âAnd well, I trust Harry and I know heâll take good care of you and be nice and supportive and all the stuff youâve told me you wanted if you ever dated anyone soâŚyeah.â She smiled and Diana smiled and then glanced up to Harry who just pulled her into his side and she relaxed in his hold and hugged him back as he planted a quick kiss on the top of her head.
âSo cute.â Celeste hummed and Diana laughed as she felt her face warming as she blushed.
Their dinner went well, Celeste monopolized the conversation and only talked about what she had going on and then what she did with Geri at their sleep over. It was nice though, to be able to look over at him and catch him staring without worrying about Celeste catching them. If she wanted to, she could actually reach for his hand and hold it if she wanted to. She was tempted to, but she didnât want Celeste to make a huge fuss about it. But then she also wanted to show Celeste that she could be warm and affectionate in a way she had not seen before. And well, she also wanted to show Harry that she was putting in some effort to get over her fears of letting her walls down.Â
Well, she had basically let every wall down but there was just a little bit of resistance in her still. That fear that she couldnât shake completely was constantly swimming around in her head. And then he smiled wide and said something to Celeste, something she didnât even hear quite honestly, and that annoying little remainder of fear just melted away. And there was no hesitation as she slid her hand across the table and grazed his pinky and he just glanced over and smiled for a second before turning his hand over as he continued chatting with Celeste. Diana felt so relieved when his fingers clasped over hers and then she turned her attention back to the conversation. She could see Celeste smiling wide but she made no commentary and just kept telling her story. After dessert they played a quick round of UNO, which Diana won both rounds much to Celeste and Harryâs annoyance. But soon Celeste was heading up to have a shower and get her things ready for school the next morning. Harry had just gotten Misty into her little travel kennel when Diana came down the stairs with a little pot of concealer for him.
âHere you go. That should fix that.â She said eyeballing the far too orange canceler splotch covering a love bite on his neck.
âThanks.â He chuckled. âYou feeling good?â
âYeah. So happy.â
âMe too.â He smiled and grabbed her face in his hands and she tiptoed to let their lips meet in a soft kiss. They smiled against each other lips and pecked once more.
âI love you so much, Harry.â She whispered between them and he kissed her again quickly.
âI love you too.â He smiled, âItâs gonna be so good.â
âI know.â She smiled.
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just a little taste* (2)
warnings: smut, oral, angst, mentions of cheating
pairing: masseuse harry x reader
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harryâs breath is caught in his throat as he registers whatâs going on, blinking a couple times to make sure this is real life. after a few moments of baited silence, heâs come to the conclusion that this is, in fact, not a dream. âdarling, wha-,â he clears his throat, the words coming out a bit shaky. âwhat are yâdoing?â he finally forces out.
her tongue swipes out to wet her bottom lip before sheâs pulling away as if sheâs been burnt. âoh! âm sorry, i shouldnât have assumed. i just thought iâd return the favor since you were just so good to me,â she rambles, going to step away, albeit mortified, but sheâs stopped dead in her tracks when she feels two hands cradle her face gingerly before his lips are pressed to hers once more.
he presses his body as close to hers as he possibly can, his tongue now fighting to explore her mouth. heâs a bit confused, though, when she places her hands on his chest to push him away a bit. âno,â she states with a firm shake of her head, causing him to furrow his eyebrows in confusion. âif you want it, youâre going to have to tell me you want it, iâd rather have your spoken consent,â she explains, and heâs practically melting in relief that he hasnât fucked up what heâs sure is the best thing to ever happen to him.
she has a small smile on her face when he nods eagerly, his chest heaving just a bit. âyeah, y-yes. iâd love for you to return the favor, darling. just the sweetest little thing,â he rushes, a dimpled grin on his face as well.
now that she has full consent, though, sheâs going to go all in. she steps away from him, just a hair, to drop herself onto her knees, the plush carpet beneath her giving her some comfort. her mouth is nearly watering as she reaches up to free his hard cock from where it resides, and she has to stop her jaw from dropping when heâs fully out and in front of her.
heâs so pretty, so long and thick and wet. heâs literally leaking for her, his cock twitching in front of her as he watches her eye him up. he reaches up with his right hand and runs his thumb over her bottom lip to grab her attention. ââs it pretty, darling?â he teases, causing her to let out a whine and nod enthusiastically. âyâso sweet, baby, but âm gonna explode in a bit if yâjust keep staring,â he chuckles. âdo yâwanna maybe put it in yâmou- fuck, angel,â heâs cut off with a moan as she reaches up to grasp him and place her mouth on him all in one go, her tongue licking all around the width of him as she goes deeper.
once his cock is lubricated enough with her spit, she begins to bob her head to give him some more pleasure, a shocked moan of pleasure leaving his lips when she takes him so deep that her nose grazes the bottom of his tummy. âangel, fuck, i- yâdoing so well,â heâs gasping as he reaches for her head but pulls away as he doesnât know if sheâs okay with that.
she notices his struggle and pulls away for just a moment, still stroking him quickly as she does. âsâokay, you can touch my head. i donât mind it,â she ensures, not even sparing another glance as she goes right back to work on his cock, needing to taste more than just his precum on her tongue.
and harry just swears to himself that heâs landed an angel, she was such a sweet, innocent thing when heâd first entered, but now he knows who she really is, what she really needs. she needs someone to make her feel good, to put her in her place, to make it hurt. she needs some reprieve from her everyday life. and thatâs what heâs going to give her.
he canât give it much more thought, though, when he sees her reach up, and before he can register whatâs going on, sheâs got his balls in her hand, playing with them as she still uses her mouth and other hand diligently. the overwhelming feeling cause a choked gasp to leave his lips, his hips involuntarily bucking forward and hitting the back of her throat.
she gags just a bit and so he starts to pull away but she just follows him, managing to get even sloppier. the sounds that are coming from them are so vulgar, so lewd that harry has to grip onto the cart behind him to keep himself upright. how heâs reduced her to a filthy, slutty mess the neither of them know, but they also donât want it to end.
harry feels his cock start to twitch and his balls start to draw up almost painfully as his orgasm approaches out of nowhere trying to give her a warning but he canât even form a single coherent thought. âangel, angel, fuck, please. please, iâm-,â she swallows around him then, cutting his sentence short as he plummets into bliss, his thighs quaking and a noise that resembles a guttural groan falling from his mouth.
shortly after, yn feels the warmth of his cum coating the back of her throat with short spurts, and she swallows every drop eagerly. she hasnât stopped the movements of her hands or her mouth, and she doesnât until she feels harry pull away from her with a whine of overstimulation. resting her weight down on her heels, she looks up at him with the most innocent smile as if she didnât just drain him for everything he had.
the smile he returns is lazy but genuine, exhaustion quickly seeping into his bones as he attempts to catch his breath. when he finally feels like he can move without falling to the floor, he takes one last breath before helping yn up, pressing his lips to hers once again. they have a silent conversation as she steps away, grabbing her clothes. he fixes is own and helps her put hers on to the best of his ability, his moments a bit sluggish.
they share a couple more quick kisses that threaten to turn into something more again, but they stop them just before they go that far, knowing theyâll end up passed out on the floor or the massage table, and thatâs not a great look for anyone that comes in. she gathers all of her belongings before asking him if he needed any help, to which he declined of course, but he had one last request.
âsame time next week?â he questions, dimpled grin on full display as he rubs a warm hand along her hip.
âsame time next week,â she reiterates. they quickly exchange numbers and when theyâre done she leans up to press one last kiss to his lips before sheâs heading out and closing the door behind her, walking toward the entrance. when she passes the front desk with a wave, though, she doesnât miss the way jessicaâs eyes donât quite find hers, and how her ears are bright red, an indication that sheâd definitely heard what just went down.
yn gets in her car without another glance to the building, a new feeling of relaxation and confidence radiating throughout her as she drives home. the ride home is quick and peaceful, and she stops to get her favorite sushi on the way. she hops onto her couch and turns on a random movie when she arrives, digging into her sushi.
as soon as she pops the first piece in her mouth, though, her phone that had been sitting on the coffee table in front of her lights up along with the sound of her ring tone, an indicator that sheâs received a call. reaching forward, she canât stop the smile that quickly forms on her face as she realizes itâs harry making sure sheâs made it home safely.
after answering and ensuring him that sheâs safe and comfy as she watches a movie with her sushi, the two somehow find themselves in a conversation about their favorite things to eat. he tells her that he knows a great place for pad thai and that piques her interest, never having tried that before.
he clears his throat on the other line. âwell, how about after our session next friday, we can pop by there so you can try it out?â he questions, his heart nearly in his throat as he awaits her response.
âiâd love to,â he can hear the smile in her voice. âitâs a date, then,â she chuckles, testing the waters.
âitâs a date,â he whispers on the other end. they fall into a comfortable silence for a moment, just listening to the otherâs breaths until she starts laughing. heâs laughing along too, despite the fact that he doesnât even know whatâs going through her head. her laugh is just so contagious. âwhatâs so funny?â he questions, his smile bright on the other end.
âitâs just,â she starts, stopping to laugh a bit more. âitâs just that an hour ago i was on my knees in front of you with your cock in my mouth and now youâre asking me on a date. âs just a bit backwards, is all,â she teases, and he laughs along with her once more.
âyouâre so right, it is. but now weâre all in, no going back now, hm?â she agrees and they fall into silence again before they decide to end the call, promising to see each other next week.
~
so then it becomes a weekly thing after that. every friday after yn gets off work, she heads straight to the parlor for a massage and her happy ending, the two stopping by a restaurant when they leave, talking about everything under the sun. every single friday night ends in a sweet kiss as they part ways, the both of their hearts warm and full as they head to their homes. theyâve got a nice little routine going, and itâs fun and itâs easy, until itâs not.
the next week when yn comes in for her session, the door is closed. a frown forms on her face when she realizes, and she has to check her watch to make sure she hasnât gotten the wrong time. she hasnât, and so sheâs even more confused as she heads back to the waiting area once more.
stopping at the front desk, she leans her upper body against it as she waits for jessica to finish speaking to a client. they've gotten fairly close over the past few weeks, so she trusts that she'll tell her what's going on. she looks over to her with a smile as soon as she's finished speaking, a bit confused since she's usually in the back by now.
"hey, jess, do you know where harry is? i just went in the back and the door was closed, didn't seem like he was in there," she explains, watching as the furrow in her friend's eyebrow only deepens.
"he should be in there, have you tried knocking yet? i haven't seen him come back out," she responds. yn has an odd sinking feeling in her stomach but she brushes it off, thinking that maybe heâs just lost track of time or something. turning on her heel, she goes back to the door and knocks firmly.
thereâs no answer on the other side, but she knows heâs in there because the light is on. now sheâs worried somethingâs happened to him, so she hurriedly turns the knob and opens the door. her eyes trail around the room until they land on harry. who isâŚperfectly fine.
sheâs even more confused now, but then a small smile forms on her face when, upon fully taking him in, she sees that he has his airpods in, his back to her as he prepares the oils. he just couldnât hear her. so she steps further into the room to tap him for his attention when he speaks up.
âno, allison. i wonât be home for dinner tonight,â a frown forms on her face as thereâs a beat of silence.
who could he be talking to? as far as she knew, he lived alone. her questions are answered pretty quickly when he speaks up again. âitâs the same conversation every night!,â he exclaims, sounding exasperated. âi will not be home for dinner, and i expect the mess you made in our bed last night to be cleaned,â he sighs.
our bed? a lump forms in her throat. who is allison, and what sort of mess did she make in their bed? ynâs heart is full on thumping inside her chest as all of the possible scenarios play out for her. sheâd begun to subconsciously step backward as her mind reels, stabilizing herself at the doorway when she makes it back there.
âallison, please. and for the love of god, could you please stop calling me when iâm at work? iâll call you when iâm on the way home,â another beat of silence as the woman on the other end gets louder. âso now youâre monitoring my purchases? what i do in my free time doesnât involve you, it doesnât matter if youâre an account holder, stop trying to keep me on a leash,â he practically spits, and thatâs all it takes for yn to take that final step out the door and close the door behind her, the slam startling harry even with his noise cancelling headphones.
the dull thud causes harry to jump, taking out one of his headphones as he takes a look at the time. his heart drops as he realizes yn wouldâve been here at this time, and he has a strong feeling that the noise he heard was the sound of her leaving.
âno, no, no, fuck,â he spits, hanging up the phone and tossing it carelessly to the side as he hops up from the chair. he makes a run for the door, but heâs met with an empty hallway, and so he hurries to the front. the lobby is completely empty save for jessica, who looks at him with a confused expression, wondering why yn left so abruptly. she doesnât dare ask, though, because the way harry is bright red with a heaving chest is off putting enough.
she wouldnât have had time to, either, because as soon as he notices that ynâs car is gone from the parking lot he turns back to the hallway and goes into his room to retrieve his phone. his hands are shaking as he rushes to find her number, pressing the call button and putting the phone to his ear. straight to voicemail.
âfuck!â he bellows, hanging up to try again. voicemail once again. he stands in the middle of the room for a moment as he contemplates what to do. he doesnât know where she lives or works, he only has her number and this time on fridays. he can only hope that sheâll come back next week, but heâs got a feeling that heâs really fucked up this time.
harry calms himself down for a few minutes as he cleans up his station that heâd prepped, gathering his belongings to head home for the night. he hurries past jessica without a word or a glance, hopping into his car and throwing his stuff in the backseat before peeling out of the lot.
itâs no surprise when monday he comes in with red puffy eyes and a bottom lip bright red from all the biting heâs done, but heâs surprised that jess is scowling at him and ignoring him, passing him the schedule for the day without a word. so yn told her about what sheâd heard.
the week drags on so slowly heâs unsure heâll make it, and when friday finally rolls around again he has just an inkling of hope that sheâll show. even just to talk, maybe yell at him. but after he finishes the clients and her normal time approaches, he waits and waits until the parlor closes, thinking that maybe sheâs just running late.
he heaves out a sigh as he closes up the parlor, hopping into the car and resting his head against the wheel. after a few minutes of thought, he decides itâd be best to try and push her into the back of his mind, even though heâs definitely run away the best thing thatâs ever happened to him.
~
one month later
âh, really? itâs been a whole month and youâre still mooing around. itâs not like you guys were even together or anything,â mitch grumbles, fed up with his friendâs dull behavior. âso get in the shower and get some clothes on. iâll be there in an hour or so, around 9âŚ..and shave too, please,â he requests, hanging up the facetime call without waiting for a response.
harry just sighs in defeat as he realizes his best friend is entirely correct, but decides to wallow for a couple minutes more before he finally pushes himself off the couch and heads toward the bathroom.
heâs honestly quite relieved that he feels just a tad better when he makes himself presentable again, but the cleaning up does not take away the pain entirely. he finds some clothes and puts them on just as his phone begins ringing once more, mitchâs name appearing on the screen. he gives him a small smile when he answers. âah, there he is! i bet you feel a lot better,â he teases, but itâs all in good nature as heâs really glad his best friend is making an effort. âi wonât say i told you soâŚ.â is the last thing harry beers before the call ends once more.
grabbing some shoes, he puts them on and grabs his keys before he heads out to where mitch is waiting, a forced smile on his face as he hops in the passenger seat.
~
walking into tap and slide, the most popular bar in upper manhattan, harry expects to feel something new. something, anything other than the dull ache thatâs seemingly permanently nestled deep in his tummy. it seems as if the harder he tries to push yn from his mind, the more she appears. he takes a glance around the crowded bar and sighs deeply when he realizes that this scene will do nothing to help him.
his friends are already scattering to different parts of the building, seeing people they know or that theyâre attracted to. so heâs left standing there near the entrance with a slump in his shoulders, and when he feels a body brush against him particularly hard, he forces his feet to move forward toward the bar. when itâs his turn, he orders himself a whiskey sour and heads off to find a booth to reside in until his friends feel like leaving.
and so he nurses the whiskey for as long as he sits there, eyes flitting around the room for anything that catches his attention. heâs sat there for about an hour, beginning to get too deep into his head when he sees her. he hadnât looked toward the entrance the entire night, but for some reason he felt compelled to look that way at that exact moment.
when his eyes land on her, in the cutest black dress and small kitten heels that her perfect for a night out, his heart speeds up substantially. he nearly drops his half empty glass on the table, his hand shaky as he manages to set it down. his eyes donât leave her frame as she moves deeper into the building, not until someone is tapping her shoulder and causing her to turn to them.
a frown forms on his lips when he realizes that itâs jess with her, and that sheâs pointing at him as she speaks to yn. a scowl is set on her face and she rolls her eyes every couple words as she very obviously warns yn of his presence. then yn is speaking, still not turning his way as she gets closer to jess. whatever she says causes jess to place a hand on her arm with a sympathetic frown, moving the two of them toward a booth on the other side.
jess double checks that yn is okay before moving to the bar to grab them some drinks to sip on for the night, and he knows itâs so wrong, but harry takes that as a chance to make his move. sliding from the booth, harry pushes through the couple of bodies that block his path and makes his way to yn, who is now typing on her phone.
then he slides into the booth across from her, watching as she looks up with a smile thatâs quickly replaced with a hardened look of anger, a face heâs never seen before. he swallows quickly and his tongue darts out to wet his bottom lip before he speaks. âi know i donât exactly deserve this for not being honest with you, but do you think i could just get a few minutes? iâd really like to explain myself,â he chooses his words carefully, not really giving away any details, which frustrates her.
sheâs huffing out a sigh of annoyance and cuts her eyes to jess, who is fully immersed in a conversation with mitch before she looks back to the man in front of her. âwhatever. you have five minutes, and i expect the truth,â she spits, leaning back against the back of the booth and crossing her arms against her chest.
she really shouldâve stayed home tonight.
"im married," he finally admits to her, watching the way her breath hitches before a scoff leaves her lips. âiâm married, and i have been for the past five years.â
~
cliffhangaaaaaa kinda?????đŠđŠđŠ
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Threeâs Company
A/N: I tried to balance some angst with fluff, hope I did it right lol. Youâre dating Harryâs best friend but you and Harry are also best friends. Until he confesses a secret. I think this one got long but I wrote it quickly so donât mind any mistakes. hope everyone enjoys it! Happy holidays :) <3
ââââââââââââââââââââââ
âMe and my boys,â I wrap one arm around my boyfriend Frank and the other around my best mate, Harry. âIâm so glad you guys showed tonight!â
âWouldnât miss it,â Harry squeezes my hand on his shoulder.
âIâm so proud of you,â Frank pulls me away from Harry into his arms. He plants a very wet kiss on me. âYouâve worked so hard these last few months.â
âI know,â I take my boyfriendâs face in my hands. âThanks for supporting me.â
âAhem,â Harry clears his throat. âI was also up at 2am helping you practice lines.â
âOf course,â I plant a kiss on Harry cheeks. âCouldnât have done it without either of your support.â
I link my hand through Frankâs and we continue the trek to the pub. It was opening day for the musical I was apart of and it was the first major production. Everytime I caught my face on a tube poster, advertising the show, I couldnât help the giddy rush of warmth that filled me. It was always my dream to be on stage and I finally had it.
âSo this girl youâre seeing,â Frank addresses Harry who is walking a few steps ahead on his phone. âYou serious about her?â
âThink so,â Harry says. My heart flutters at the thought of him finally settling down, not because I was jealous but the last time he got serious with a girl was a year ago. Even though by then Frank and I had been going steady for 4 years she hadnât liked our relationship and ended it with him when he wouldnât cut me off. I didnât want that to happen to him again.
âGood for you,â Frank says. We share a glance, having had many concerned conversations about Harryâs love life. Even though we were only in our mid-20s, Harry never quite got serious about a girl. We just wanted to see him happy.
Harryâs girlfriend meets us at the pub, she couldnât come to the show because she had a shift which she tells me when we meet her. Harry had already told me this but I think itâs endearing how much she cares, she tells me sheâll go to the next one Harry shows up for.
âI like her,â I tell Harry later.
âThatâs because sheâs flattering you,â Harry says as he gets the both of them drinks. âYouâre so easy to win over.â
âYouâre just jealous weâre getting along,â I tease but he rolls his eyes at me and goes back to the table. I get drinks for Frank and I since he was deep in conversation with someone he knew.
âHow long have you two been going out for?â I ask the couple. âHarry only mentioned you a couple weeks ago.â
âReally?â Natalie looks up at Harry.
âNot like that,â Harry flicks my shoulder. âI just didnât want them sticking their nose in my business. Her and Frank love to interrogate me about my love life.â
âOnly cuz we care,â I shrug.
âWe started dating April soâŚalmost 2 months?â Nat answers. My jaw drops.
â2 months Harry? And you never said anything?!â
âItâs my life!â
âI tell you everything!â
âI never ask,â Harry shakes his head and turns to Nat. âSheâs an oversharer.â
She laughs, âSpeaking of sharing remind me how you all met? Harry only said you all met in uni.â
âHarry sucks at stories,â I lean in closer to her so I donât have to shout so loud. I tell her how Harry and I had met at a school-sponsored concert. We recognized each other from a few classes. We started hanging out a lot to study and party. How he had introduced me to Frank a couple weeks after we met and we hit it off. It took us another semester of circling each other and Harry playing the third wheel for us to finally get together. Frank and I have been together since and Harry has been our best mate since too.
âThatâs so sweet,â she squeezes his arm. âYouâll be their best mate at their wedding, godfather to their child, third-wheel for life?â
âHarry looks a bit pale at that,â I joke but he did look paler. âDonât worry, Frank will still come over to play video games.â
Nat and I laugh and Harry joins but it sounds forced. He was such a weirdo.
âWe always say threeâs company when it comes to us, right Harry?â I reference the slogan we came up for ourselves. âWe wonât forget about Harry when we tie the knot!â
Frank joins us, interrupting anything Harry wouldâve said. We all get to knowing each other. I really like Natalie, and Frank tells me later at home that he got a good feeling about her too. Itâs unfortunate when a month or so later Harry tells us they broke up.
What comes as the biggest shock is a couple months after that, on an oddly sunny day in October Frank tells me he wanted to break up. Right before my last few weeks. He doesnât even wait for my run to be over. And just like that, 5.5 years vanish in front of my eyes.
The cherry on top is when Harry stops talking to me as much, starts making excuses for why he canât hang out. Even though we were mates before Frank and I got together, he seems to have chosen sides. Those weeks feel like my own personal horror movie. Iâm a zombie in my day-to-day and when I go on stage I use up every ounce of energy and emotion I have to make my last performances count. But it tears a hole right through me.
The week after Frank and I breakup I bump into Harry near his work. Well, I actually purposely made an appointment close to where he worked in hopes of seeing him.
âH!â I call out when I spot his side profile on the same sidewalk as me. âHarry!â
He does a double take and then halts, people around him grumbling as they walk around. I pull him to the side and give him a big hug. I try not to let it hurt when his arms are slow to go around me.
âI havenât seen you in weeks, howâve you been?â I put on a brave voice even though all I want to do is cry.
âEhm,â he looks uncomfortable but he smiles down at me. âIâm good, Iâve been slammed at work sorry Y/N Iâve been meaning to see you.â
âYeah,â I wait for him to give me more. The silence stretches out until he fills it.
âIâm really sorry about Frank and you IâŚI didnât even know he was going to do that.â
âThat makes two of us,â I try to joke but itâs too fresh and my voice cracks. Harry looks away.
âHowâs your show going?â
âIâm on two more weeks and then Iâm back to auditioning for majority of my days.â
âNo callbacks from the other places?â
âNot yet.â
We stand in awkward silence and I want to scream. We were so easy, why was Harry being so weird? Itâs not like Frank was the glue that held us together. And now the irritation begins to creep in as Harry continues being standoffish.
âWhatâs been going on with you?â I try.
âNot much, still trying the dating scene.â He sighs. âAnd working. My sisterâs throwing this Halloween thing even though weâre all adults. I think sheâs trying to set me up with one of her mates.â
âJust dress up like a sexy lamp, no one will want to come near you.â
âA sexy lamp?â Harry laughs and finally, finally looks at me.
âBeauty and the Beast? I saw it online when I was looking at costumes. I felt like I was in some twisted alternate universe where people are trying to be a sexy lamp.â
âHave you seen a Christmas Story?â Harry asks and I laugh so hard at that, it feels so good.
âOh my god,â I wipe away my tears. âI havenât laughed like that in ages.â
Harryâs cheeks are pink from the cold and the way he looks at me with pity and sadness drops coal into my stockings. How could he look at me like that? He was my best mate, I wasnât some sorry damsel with a broken fucking heart.
âIâm sorry I havenât been as available,â he finally says to me.
âYeah,â I shrug. What else was I supposed to say? Well what I really wanted to do was get angry like everything was normal, but it didnât feel like the right time.
We stand like that in silence until he tucks a strand of my hair behind my ears and it must be from being so touch, and friend, starved the last couple weeks that I sigh when he does it. He shoves his hand in his pocket and clears his throat.
âI should get going before the tube is sardines.â
âRight,â I say with a hard edge. Harry could tell I was getting upset but I didnât care.
âI like the new hair by the way,â Harry says as he side steps me and becomes one with the crowd.
And even though he was sorry, he doesnât message me to hang out or to ask how Iâm doing. He abandons me too, only responding when I message him. I wasnât giving up on him though even though it hurt to know he had given up on me. I couldnât lose my best friend just because Iâd lost my boyfriend.
***
âHey Harry, I know youâve been busy lately but my last show is this Thursday. In case you wanted to come see it. Itâs gotten a lot smoother since that first one you went to hahahahâŚanyway. I left your name at the door if you can make it. I hope you can.â
I leave the voicemail on Monday and hope Harry can do it. Iâve had family come down to the city to see me, and friends show up here and there. But the people I thought would show up for my first and last performance are suddenly just gone from my life. If I could go back in time to the first show Iâd tell myself to hold on tight because everyone would leave me.
Between practice and evening shows I donât hear back from Harry. No text, voicemail, or message anywhere. My last night I get into character with a heart made of lead and tissue permanently pressed to my waterline so my mascara doesnât run. Iâd save my tears for the show itself.
As I secure my wig to my head a knock come from my dressing room door.
âItâs open,â I call, expecting the stage manager or my agent or a cast member. Harry walks in instead.
âHarry! Youâre here!â Iâm not even thinking as I rush to him and throw my arms around him. Heâs slow to wrap his around me again and thatâs when reality crashes back down. âIâm so glad you could make it.â
âYeah I wouldnât miss it,â Harry sits down on a nearby chair. âI know I was supposed to come to a lot more butâŚâ
âYouâre here now,â I beam, willing to put the past aside for now. âNone of my family could make it tonight, it was going to be sort of depressing for me.â
âDrinks are on me,â Harry says. âI canât believe my best mateâs done a whole season on broadway.â
âRight!?â Iâm more excited of being called his best mate than doing the whole season. As I sit back down to do my wig I keep an eye on H through the mirror.
âSo,â I start out tentatively. âHear from Frank lately?â
âHm,â he looks up from his phone. âIâm not going to be the messenger between you two.â
âWhat?! Of course not, jeez H I was only asking if heâs doing okay. Iâm not like, thinking heâs somehow going to un-breakup with me.â
âI saw him last weekend. Heâs alright, his new flatâs not too far from me actually.â
âThatâs good,â I say. So he really did take Harry with him in the split. I canât help but push more, I turn in my seat to face him.
âI know we havenât spoken ever since shite hit the fan between Frank and me. But weâre still okay, right? We were always friends before you introduced me to Frank and I hope you donât feel like you have to take sides.â
âWhat? No, nothing like that,â he looks cornered. He tugs his sleeve over his hand, not making eye contact.
âOkay...â I couldnât interpret his body language. âOkay, it seems like youâre annoyed or something? Like, you want to leave this conversation. Did I say something?â
âNo,â he shakes his head, his hair moving with the aggressive shake.
âSo what is it?â I can hear the annoyance creeping into my own voice. âDid Frank say something about me? Why do you seem so cagey? Whatâs going on Harry?â
âIâm not-Iâm not cagey,â he scoffs, straightening to his full height. âI just donât feel like talking.â
âSo Frank said something-â
âNo! I just donât care to have this conversation.â
âOh,â my eyes sting. âSo thatâs it?â
âWhat do you mean?â
âFrank and I break up and so do we? You donât want to talk anymore?â
âI didnât mean it like that-â
âWell it sounded a lot like that,â I hold up my hand. âDonât try to backtrack. I thought we were best friends Harry, nothing was supposed to change between us just because Frank and I are on bad terms-â
âBut thatâs the thing!â Harry shouts. âThatâs the thing--everythingâs changed! Everything, Y/N...look, I donât want to talk about this!â
âI do!â I push back, interested in what he meant. âWhat changed? I donât understand, and I want to talk about it! I canât lose my boyfriend and my best friend in the same week! Nothing should change between us, Frank has nothing to do with us!â
Harry looks puzzled as his eyes fix on my face. I raise an eyebrow when he doesnât speak. âWhat?â
âYouâve never...â he drags his hand down his face. âY/N, I donât want to talk about this. For our friendshipâs sake, I canât talk about this.â
âFor our friendshipâs sake?!â I exclaim. âI need to talk about this! Youâre my best friend! Or so I thought.â
âNo!â Harry finally snaps. âI donât want to talk about this! You think Frank and you breaking up shouldnât change our dynamic, change us, but of course it fucking does. And I donât want to talk about it.â
I catch his arm as he tries to walk away, nearly being dragged with him as he rushes away. âExplain, Harry please explain. I donât get it!â
âFuck Y/N,â Harry talks with his back to me. I drop his arm. âFrank was the only thing that helped keep you in the friendzone. When youâre not his girlfriend...I donât know what we are.â
I donât know what to say, Ifeel like the windâs been knocked out of me. âSo all these years...you were just hanging around me because you wanted to be something more? Was our whole friendship a lie?â
âOf course not, what?â Harry finally turns. âYouâre my best friend, you always have been. But by the time I decided to do something about my crush, you confessed to me that you really liked my best friend. And I could tell Frank was really happy around you. I loved both of you, I couldnât get in between that.â
âSo what, youâve just been...secretly resenting us every time we all hung out? Punishing yourself everytime you third-wheel us?â
âNo, no no this isnât how...thatâs not how itâs been.â
âWhat the fuck Harry?â I cry. âYouâve been secretly pining after your best friendâs girlfriend for years?â
âI know itâs fucked up!â Harry shouts. âI know Iâm fucked up for wanting my best friendâs girlfriend I know! You donât have to spell out how fucked up it is!â
âWhat the fuck,â I whisper.
âDonât look at me like that,â Harryâs face crumples. âPlease, Y/N thatâs just what I was trying to say. When you were with Frank, I could hang out with youâwith the both of you and not care because you two made each other so happy how could I come in between the happiness of the two people I loved the most in the world?
But now that you two have broken up, thereâs no red light there. Thereâs nothing to stop me from kissing you. I mean, consent obviouslyâŚâ He corrects himself, sighing. âI know, I know. Thatâs why I didnât want to say anything. But you always know how to pull anything out of me.â
âI wish you were better equipped against me,â I slide down the wall. âThis is so fucked up, I wish I could un-know that.â
âIs it so bad?â Harryâs gaze burns a hole through me. âDo you hate me?â
âNo, I couldnât...â how could I hate him when my intention the first night we ever met was to hook up with him. Things only changed when I met his best friend. âI donât hate you, I just donât know where we go from here.â
âI just need some space,â Harry says. âI think you probably need some too, now that that confessionâs out of the box.â
âShit,â I bury my face in my hands.
âI promise, we can go back to being best friends.â Harry continues. âI just need to figure out, where to put you. In my head...in my heart.â
I donât say anything, I could barely look at him. To think he had this in him for as long as Iâve known him. It feels a bit like maybe I never knew him.
âIâll be in the audienceâŚbreak a leg Y/N.â
I hear the door close behind him but I canât get up. I stay curled on the floor until a knock reminds me thereâs 5 minutes âtil positions. Shit.
I finish my hair and do some breathing exercises. I had to compartmentalize and use the emotions in the show just like my coach taught me.
âYouâre okay,â I tell myself in the mirror. âYouâre going to kill it. Youâre okay. You can deal with everything later. Just do your best now.â
With one final breath I exit my room and get out there, putting on my best performance. And I guess the crazy heightened emotions help because the final reviews rave about my intensity. And while I curl up in bed that night sobbing myself to sleep, my inbox finally fills with open offers and auditions. This heartbreaking period opened a door to something new.
Two months later:
As a child, I always wanted to be in New York City during Christmas. Every movie made it look magical and wistful.
It was magical, in the right spots. And I couldnât deny the magnetic pulse that surrounded the place. But it was also cold, incredibly cold, lonely, and dirty.
âHey,â my roomate calls out when I enter our flat. Or apartment. âYou got some mail I slipped it under your door.â
âThanks,â I unwrap my massive scarf and heavy coat. âItâs so bloody cold out there.â
âItâs just starting,â she glances away from the TV to our window. Small flakes were starting to fall, it felt like looking at a snow globe.
She goes back to watching TV and I head to my room. It was smaller than the one I had back home but Iâd decorated with fuzzy rugs and cozy comforters and furry blankets. And now I looked forward to it every day.
During the day I was practicing for my second ever show. After my intense performance on my last day, I was invited to audition for &Juliet which was moving to NYC. If they liked me, my flight would be paid for and I would join them in the Big Apple. Luckily, they liked me enough to offer one of the roles a couple weeks later. It wasnât too major, but big enough that I had scenes throughout the musical. After what had happened the past months I thought fuck it and went.
It might seem like I was running away from my life but I saw it as a clean start. Big breakup, end of my showâs season, and a truth that shattered my core. I couldnât stay in London.
I hadnât told him. Harry. After everything I didnât think I had to. He wanted space, I needed the same thing.
But it was lonely living in a new city with no connection to back home. Sure I talked to family and friends regularly, I hung out with my roomate and went out for drinks with my cast mates. But the peopleâthe person who knew me better than I knew myself, well he was gone.
Frank had messaged me a few weeks ago when I posted on my story about New York. I didnât have that big of a following but anyone who liked me in my last roles tended to stay on and follow my journey. So I used social media as an online journal.
It had been surprisingly courteous. Heâd congratulated me, and said if he was ever in the city he would book tickets to see me. It was kind. And I donât know if the shock of Harryâs truth was bigger than the breakup, or if enough time passed for me not to feel as hurt about it, but I liked talking to Frank just as a friend.
Thatâs what he asked me when we broke upâif we could still be friends. I thought it was so selfish and dickish to ask but now, I warmed up to the idea.
The opening show was booked for the beginning of January so I couldnât go home for Christmas. I knew it was going to be lonely but a few of my castmates invited me to their Christmas eve dinner. It seemed like a lot of New York was made up of found family. I was still finding mine.
***
âTwo weeks until our first show,â Nolan drops his head down on the table.
âYouâll get it,â Christa pats him on the back. âHeâs just hard on you because he wants you to be your best.â
âThat one fucking line!â Nolan kept missing his cue on his final line and it had been haunting him.
âWhat could help?â Ravi joins us with the coffees he promised. It was a 8am rehearsal today and we were all beat from last nightâs rehearsal.
âIâm close to you,â I offer. âI could cue you somehow if it helps?â
âYeah?â Nolan look up. âMaybe, letâs try that. Something subtle.â
âYeah!â Christa lights up.
âOkay,â I feel good inside, having made a good contribution. Sometimes I felt like an outsider coming into this production so late, it felt like everyone was already familir with everyone else. And I had the least experience out of everyone. It was hard not to feel like an imposter.
âYouâre a natural,â Ravi hands me a coffee. âDonât worry too much Y/N. I see the gears turning in your head.â
âYeah everyone already loves you.â Christa pipes in. âYou gotta relax.â
âI try!â I roll back my shoulders. The role meant a lot to me. âI just want to do my best.â
âYou are,â she lays a hand on my shoulder. âYou know youâll get told off if you werenât.â
âSo Y/N is joining us for Christmas?â Ravi asks.
âI think so?â Christa raises an eyebrow at me.
âYeah,â I nod. âIâm not going home this year.â
âFeel free to invite a plus-one,â Christa says.
âOh,â I plat with the lid of my cup. âProbably wonât.â
âNo boyfriends?â Nolan asks. âGirlfriends?â
âNolan,â Christa scolds. He shrugs.
âNo I,â this was awkward. âI had a breakup before I finished my last show. I havenât really been eager to jump into a new one.â Especially when Harryâs confession always lingers in the back of my mind. Damn him.
âYou ran away.â Nolan states like itâs fact.
âNo!â I argue. âIt was like over a month later. Plus we started reconnecting again-â
âNope. Donât go there,â Christa warns. âNever walk back into the past.â
âMy fiancĂŠ and I broke up once and weâre getting married next summer,â Ravi jumps in.
âDonât listen to him,â Christa waves her hand in his face. âHeâs an anomaly.â
âWho are you calling anomaly?â Ravi asks. We laugh as the insults go flying between them and a small part of me is relieved to not be on the outside looking in like I did when I first arrived.
âIâm not getting back together with him, plus thereâs so much distance.â I reassure the group.
Plus Frank literally said he didnât feel the same way about me anymore. After 5 years together, heâd fallen out of love somewhere along the way. It was hurtful, and I donât think he would go back on his word. I donât think Iâd want to take him back anymore.
It hits me then, both of the boys I loved so dearly were lying along the way. One said he loved me even though deep inside he was falling out of love. The other loved me more than a friend, but only called me his best friend.
âYou alright?â Nolan asks. The group had left me while I sat in thought, everyone was getting into places.
âYeah,â I reach for his hand and he helps me up. âJust thinking.â
We get into place and with direction, begin rehearsal for the day. I get lost in it, one of my favourite things to do.
***
âFlowers!â One of the PAs drops a bouquet onto my table as I finish setting my makeup in place. All the moving and the harsh stage lighting made it sweaty, and I couldnât risk my makeup running.
âI donât thinkâŚâ I stop as I notice it was my name on the card. Who would send me flowers on opening? My family already wished me luck on facetime and the few friends in the city were here for the show. I turn the card around.
I already know itâs going to be fantastic but break a leg anyway xx
I read it again. It sounded like Frank, he thought everything was fantastic. Maybe he remembered opening night.
I smell the flowers, another cast mate who shared my room strikes up a conversation about them and I finish my hair to it. We go out together and I feel my heart in my throat. The last time I had all my support in the second row. This time, they were an ocean away and my heart ached thinking about them.
Channel your emotions. Channel your emotions.
I repeat the mantra, and when itâs my cue I break out on stage and wait a beat. Then start my line.
I donât have a moment to actually look at the audience until my second-last scene. Thatâs when I notice them. Frank. And Harry.
âCountâŚme in!â I stumble on a line. Shit. Shitshitshit.
I look back at Christa and continue our lines but her eyebrow dips for a moment and I know she caught it too. I just hoped our director wouldnât point it out.
Harry and Frank were here. Harry and Frank were here? Donât think about it. Canât think about it.
âA strong woman,â I respond to Nolan. I nudge him like weâd practiced and his final line comes tumbling out. I send out a prayer that it was smooth.
I go off stage for a few until my next scene and catch my breath.
âWhat happened?â Nolan asks. âI thought I heard you almost forget a line.â
âI saw someone in the audience, wasnât expectingâŚâ i trail off as I hear my cue. âTalk later!â
I rush back on and finish up. Itâs exhilerating and just like that I canât believe our first show is done!
We stay on for the final bits, the final bow, and then Iâm rushing to my room for my phone. Did Frank message me? Did I miss something?
But itâs empty.
The other girls in the room trickle in and we all congratulate each other. They go over some of their lines and areas they almost messed up in. Iâm too distracted by everything to join fully.
I try to engage but Iâm mostly wiping away my stage makeup so I can head out. I donât know if I wanted to avoid who I just saw or find them.
If you avoid them, then you really are running away.
Ugh. I would have to find them some way. I leave Frank a message and go back to the conversation.
Eventually, with dread weighing me down, I agree to meet the boys where Frank texted me. They were staying at a hotel a few blocks away and there was a bar in the lobby they said was nice.
Frank stands as soon as he sees me, Harryâs back is to me so heâs slow to stand.
âY/N you were bloody fantastic!â Frank wraps me in his arms and itâs been so long that I squeeze him extra hard. I missed him, or maybe I just missed being held.
âThank you!â I say into his shoulder. I let go and look between the two. âWhat are you two doing here? You didnât just come for me right? Because thatâs insane. IâŚâ
âWell kind of,â Frank admits.
âThatâsâŚtoo much!â I imagine the cost of everything and cringe that they paid that much to see me.
âWell Harry started dating a pilot,â Frank says proudly. Harry doesnât meet my eye. âSo we practically flew for pennies!â
âOh wow!â I lean into Frankâs arm around my back. It was probably bad, but it felt good here. Except for the massive awkward block that was Harry. âI donât know what to say I really didnât expect-â
âI know.â Frank laughs. I missed that laugh. âWe caught you by surprise, I saw it on your face right Harry?â
âYeah,â Harry forces a laugh. âWe felt bad. Didnât mean to catch you off guard.â
âItâs not the first time,â I tell him and he catches my double meaning because he stares at me. I raise my eyebrows and he looks away, back at Frank.
âCan I have a moment?â I turn to Frank. âWith Harry?â
âOh,â his face falls. âOf course.â
We stand awkwardly as Frank doesnât leave. He looks to the side like he usually does when heâs trying to say something. âLook Y/N, I know after our breakup our group just fell apart. But donât blame Harry. He was caught in the middle, he told me you were mad at him. Be mad at me instead-â
âThanks. Frank.â Harry cuts his best friend off. âDonât worry mate, we just need to talk.â
I keep my eyes trained on Harry as Frank moves away. I take his seat at the bar and wait for Harry to take his.
âWhy are you here?â I ask.
âWhy did you disappear?â He asks back.
âYou wanted space. Wasnât that good for us?â
âI meant time, like time away. Not move to bloody America.â
âWell I had an opportunity and I took it!â
âYeah well,â Harry takes a swig of his drink. âIâm glad you did. You were phenomenal out there. Iâm proud of you.â
My heart softens a bit when he says it, so does his face. I canât take my eyes off him, he made me so mad but I missed him so much. This was the longest weâd been away from each other with no contact.
âI missed you,â he finally says just as I go in on him.
âHow did you come here? With Frank? After what you told me?â I missed him too, but I wanted answers. How could someone be in love with their best friendâs girlfriend, and fool both parties by being so casual around them all the time. How could he look at Frank in the face???
âSo I guess you didnât miss me,â Harry tries teasing.
âObviously I did. Not the point though.â I scowl when Harry smiles. But the smile relaxes his face and my heart skips a beat.
âHe doesnât know. Doesnât need to know. Just like you didnât need to until you forced it out of me. I didnât do anything wrong Y/N. You canât treat me like I did something awful, I just had feelings for you.â
Had.
âOkay,â I take Harryâs drink from his side since I hadnât ordered mine yet and down it in one gulp. âYouâre alright?â
âYeah,â Harry takes the empty glass from me. âThe space was good.â
âOkay,â I feel slightly offended, but I decide to ignore it. I find Frank by the window and wave him over. He comes back with a grin that I canât help but mirror.
âSo howâs the new job?â I ask him once we all find seats. Weâd been talking back and forth online, I knew all about his life without me. He knew all about mine.
âReally good,â Frank lights up. âI finally get my own office! Itâs small but nice! Iâm getting a good feeling from my team too, itâs good.â
âGood feeling from the team?â Harry smirks at Frank and Frank blushes.
âWhat?â I look between then. âWhat does that mean?â
âNothing,â Frank says quickly. âHarry thinks the team has a lot of good looking people. Heâs trying to start a fire.â
âAh,â I look at Harry but heâs staring at his drink. He was trying to start a fire, but it didnât bother me. Although Frank and I never shared romantic updates, as time went on, the thought of him moving on felt less and less awful. Even though it was a bit bitter to think about, it was over.
âWhatâs with the pilot girlfriend? Whereâd you find her?â I ask.
âWork conference, she was at the bar.â Harry tells me. âShe flies a lot, but sheâs funny. I like her.â
âGood,â I try to stay neutral even though a confusing wave of emotions washes up. âGood to know youâre still keeping that string of girlfriends.â
âSpeaking of,â Harry ignores me and pulls his phone out of his jacket. âSheâs free now. We have plans. It was good seeing you Y/N. Weâll catch dinner later?â
âOh,â I wasnât expecting him to leave so soon. âYeah sure-â
âYeah weâre here until Thursday.â Frank tells me. âIf not tomorrow whenever youâre free.â
âYeah!â I wasnât expecting to be alone with Frank tonight.
âIf itâs just the two of us,â Frank reaches over to my chair and pulls it closer. âCome in so I can hear you better.â
âOkay!â I felt confused, and lonely. And that was dangerous. I just couldnât get drunk otherwise I might make bad decisions.
I stop Frank after another drink and tell him I should get home so I wasnât hungover for tomorrowâs show.
But Iâm so tired I fall asleep as soon as I get in bed. I want to sort out what just happened tonight but I save it for the daytime.
***
âYou werenât there for first show drinks!â My castmate calls out the next day. I was in to go over some lines and changes, and apparently mostly everyone had gone out for drinks to celebrate last night. I was too busy catching up my past.
âHad some guests in town,â I mumble.
âGuests?â Nolan asks curiously.
âSome friends came in to see the show,â I try to act casual.
âJust some friends? Flew halfway across the world? Theyâre just friends?â
âNeed me some of those friends.â
âWell,â I had a bunch of nosy castmates. âOneâs my ex. The other one is my best friend. Alright?â
âAlright now it gets juicy,â Christa comes up beside me. âI thought this ex was in the past-â
âPlease donât judge me,â I squirm. âJustâŚwe were all catching up thatâs all! Now. Iâm going to go get ready.â
âTouchy,â I hear someone say as I head to my shared dressing room.
I didnât want to discuss it with anyone because I didnât know what to say. My ex came to town and it was dangerously good seeing him. My estranged best friend was also here, oh yeah heâs been in love with me the whole time, and then skipped out early for his girlfriend. Then why show up at all? Ugh. It was making me very confused and I had to focus.
Itâs quick touch-ups and placement changes and then Iâm on stage for our second show. Itâs smoother and there are more people tonight. I loved the exhilarating feeling of being on stage. It was incomparable.
I politely decline Frankâs request for meeting up tonight with him and Harry, so he doesnât have to play the third wheel. I needed some alone time and doing the shows was tiring.
I take a much needed shower at home and continue thinking about the show, the boys, and why I couldnât stop obsessing over them!
After Sundayâs show, I agree to dinner with Harry and Frank. Apparently theyâd been exploring the city, and Harry had gotten a new tattoo. He proudly displays it at dinner.
âLooks sore,â I appreciate the line design. Frankâs using the toilet and we peruse the menu while we wait.
âA bit but Iâm taking care of it,â Harry flips over his menu.
âYour girlfriend isnât joining?â
âIâm meeting up with her later,â Harry glances at me. âWhy? Dâyou want to meet her or something?â
âN-no?â What the hell. âShe probably wonât last long anyway, whatâs the point.â
âReally, again Y/N?â Harry puts his menu down.
âWhat!? You never keep a girlfriend for very long. I meet one, then Iâm meeting another.â
âPiss off,â his face turns pink and Iâm surprised how easily this is getting under his skin. I always used to tease him about how quickly he turned over girlfriends. âThe girlfriend jokes stopped being funny. And at least Iâve got a girlfriend.â
âWhat the hell?â Now itâs my turn to be offended. âI had a boyfriend. Long-term. As you would know. I think the way you put itâŚit helped you keep me friendzoned?â
âWhy are you being such a bitch?â Harry stands just as Frank approaches our table.
âHey hey whatâs going on here?â His outstretched arm grasps Harryâs shoulder.
âY/Nâs being a bitch,â Harry says as I say âHarryâs a dick.â
âWoah,â Frank tries to get Harry back into his seat. âWhat happened to you two? You guys never actually fight câmon Harry-â
âJust let him go,â I say as Harry whips his coat off the back of his chair.
âNo! Harry man come on,â Frank steps in his way. âI donât know why you two are so sensitive these days. What are you guys really fighting about?â
Harry and I make eye contact. He looks away first and just pushes Frank out of his way.
âWhat the hell?â Frank turns to me. âY/N, he flew across the pond to see you why are you treating him like shite?â
That gets me, the guilt kicks in. âI donât-heâs just so-ugh!â I quickly follow Harryâs steps and find him on his phone outside the restaurant.
âWhat do you want?â Harry asks when he spots me.
âIâm sorry,â I decide to be the bigger person. Harry came all this way, I donât know why I was acting like this. âCome back to dinner.â
âI already texted my girlfriendâthe one Iâll break up with soon anyway. Yeah, we have plans so Iâm alright.â
âHarry,â I deserved that. âReally Iâm sorry. I justâŚI donât know how to be around you right now. We never talked after that confession you dropped on me and-â
âWell whoâs fault is that?â Harry bites. And I know Iâd struck a nerve. The Nerve. âYou force me to tell you something and then you just abandon me afterwards-â
âOnly after you abandoned me!â The gloves were off. âAfter Frank and I broke up I was so alone, you didnât even text me!â
âI already told you, I was trying to reconcile everything myself!â
âYouâre acting like being around me when I was single was a test of your self-control. Like you would just burn to touch me or something what the fuck? If it was so easy for you to be around us when Frank and I were dating, it shouldâve been just as easy to support me as a friend. Isnât that what it comes down to at the end of the day? Weâre friendsâŚand you just left me.â
I choke up and turn to face the road so Harry canât see. The roads are wet with slush and backed up with cars that were permanently home between the yellow lines in this city.
âIâm sorry,â Harry says behind me. âI was a bad friend.â
âYou were,â I tell him. I turn back around. âI justâŚI thought I knew you inside and out. I thought we could read each otherâs minds with how well we knew each other. And turns out you were hiding such a big secret. Something like this, i-itâs confusing. I feel like I donât know you.â
âYou really never knew?â Suspicion creeps into his voice. âNever? It was complete news to you?â
âYes!â I say truthfully. âYouâre Frankâs best friend! You set us up. Life isnât actually like Love, Actually.â
âWell it was for me Y/N Iâfuck,â Harry leans back against the brick wall. âI didnât want to tell you! I just needed some time and then I could go back to being your Harry. You just kept fucking pushing-â
âI wasnât holding a gun to your head,â I argue. âYou couldâve lied. You couldâve come up with any excuse-â
âYouâd catch me in any lie I told.â
âNever caught you in the lie youâd been telling us for five years.â
We have a stare off as my words echo between us.
âI never lied.â Harry finally says. His phone chirps and he checks it, I watch as he types out a response.
âLie of omission. Same thing.â
âYou were never supposed to know. I was supposed to get over it.â
âAnd did you?â I ask before I can think. I donât know if I even wanted an answer.
âYeah,â Harry crossed his arms. âI told you I needed time. I missed you yeah, but luckily you left the whole fucking continent. Iâm over it now.â
I donât know what to say. After all that, heâd gotten over it. It felt a bit embarrassing, like Iâd made a bigger deal than I needed too. But deep down my loneliness grew. Nobody wanted me. Not even Harry.
âNot like I had a chance anyway yeah?â Harry looks at me so intensely I have to look away. âIt was always Frank for you.â
âWell you were never in the picture,â I say. I never knew he felt that way. He doesnât say anything. âWhat?!â
âWhatâs that mean? I was never in the picture?â
âI dunno! I never saw you like that because I never knew you liked me.â
âWait wait,â Harry leans in. âSo youâre saying if Iâd told you in the 5+ years you and Frank were dating. You mightâve dumped him to date me? You might have had feelings for your boyfriendâs best friend?â
âNo! IâŚâ I donât know what I was saying. Would I have? I thought he was hot the first night we met. Iâd seen him in class, he was smart and attractive. But Frank was my type when I met him so Harry was friendzoned immediately after.
âNow thatâs fucked up,â Harry has the balls to be judgemental.
âDonât judge me! I donât know what I would do. And Iâm only thinking about this after Frank and I have long been broken up. I never thought about you while we were together. Canât say the same about you!â
Harryâs phone lights up again and he scans the text.
âWhatever Y/N. My girlfriendâs down the road, Iâm meeting up with her. Since you donât care to meet her, Iâll save you the trouble.â
He walks away from me without looking back. I stare after him, watch as he embraces someone and then heâs lost in the crowd. I feel a sob come up but I take a gulp of cold air instead and tamp it down. Harry wasnât going to have this power over me. Fuck him.
âHeâs gone?â Frank asks when I make my way back to him. Heâd ordered us wine and I knock back the glass before I answer.
âYeah, whatever. I apologized, heâs justâŚa dick.â
âHeâs always got a soft spot for you. Iâm just surprised. Iâm sorry if this was my doing.â Frank looks puzzled. He was so innocent, he didnât even know the truth. The trust he had was borderline pitiful.
And now I was being rude.
âItâs alright,â I pat his hand. âItâs just you and me again tonight. Weâre good company.â
âYeah,â Frank holds my hand. âBut threeâs company remember?â
âNo so much these daysâŚâ
âYeah,â Frank nods. âBut no matter, I do love your company.â
I ignore the L-word and pour myself more wine. We order from the menu but I donât have much of an appetite. I nibble at my food and take the rest to-go. We wind up at a bar and order more drinks while we continue talking.
Somehow we wind up back to the topic of Harry. And our friend group before we broke up.
âHeâs still a serial dater,â Frank says with a candidness that revealed how drunk he was getting. âI donât know why heâs looking for the perfect girl. I keep telling him the perfect girl is what you make her. But heâs got this bloody idea in his head and no girl lives up to her.â
âDid he tell you that?â I move in closer to hear Frank better, curious if he ever hinted at me.
âNot really,â Frank swishes the Guinness in his glass. âHe met someone in uni apparently. But it didnât work out. I told him he should contact her yâknow? But he said sheâs moved on, in a relationship. So i said get a fucking move on too right?â
âMmm,â so he had told a white lie to his best friend.
âYâknow,â Frank lays a hand on my arm. âY/N, we had something really good. Sometimes I second guess. I feel like Iâm an idiot for letting a woman like you go. I still love you. I do. But itâs not that love from before. That wow love.â
It was shitty to hear but I knew what he meant. Our love had gotten comfortable. Like weâd been married 40+ years. When I had enough time to see clearly Iâd realized too that wasnât the kind of love I wanted. I just hadnât been self-aware enough to see it.
âYeah,â I say. Frank leans in closer to hear me. âI know what you mean.â
âMaybe if weâre still single in 30 years and we still have that love for each other. We can just get married.â
âSettle?â I ask.
âWeâd be fifty!â Frank says. âItâs a good age to settle.â
I laugh. âFine, deal.â
We link pinkies and maybe itâs the liquor (definitely the liquor) or feeling lonely for months (also the feeling lonely for months) but we lean in the rest of the way. Frankâs lips on mine are familiar, and I ache for more. I pull him deeper into the kiss and he pulls me in until Iâm practically in his lap. I feel delirious, touch-starved for too long. All I want was for every inch of clothing to be on the floor.
âLetâs go back to yours,â I say when we take a moment to catch our breaths.
âReally?â Frank asks. âYou sure?â
âJust two exes right? Nothing more?â
âYeah,â Frank goes in for another kiss. âIâd like that.â
He grabs my hand and we stumble out, putting our jackets on against the icy cold as we stumble towards his hotel. If I was more sober maybe I would remember Christaâs warning of not to go backwards but I missed the feeling of being wanted. I missed Frank. And we agreed no strings. What was there to lose?
***
A loud noise wakes me out of my sleep. My eyes are crusted with sleep and I have a raging headache. Where the fuck was I?
I peel my eyes open to blinding light and immediately close them, turning my face into the pillow. The top of my head touches something, a body. The night rushes back just as a voice asks, âwhat the fuck is this?â
Thereâs a flurry of movement beside me and I peek open my eye. Harry stands by the TV with barely-concealed rage in his face. Fuck shit!
âHarry!â Frankâs groggy voice calls his best friendâs name with joy. âGood to see youâre back-â
âIs that Y/N? What happened last night? Why is she here?â
I sit up slowly with the comforter wrapped tightly around my torso.
âUhhh,â Frank looks over at me. He doesnât look guilty or regretful, somehow he just looks casual. And I sort of love him more for it. âSome fun?!â
Maybe it was casual fun for him, I realize. Meanwhile a bad mix of guilt and disgust churn away inside me. Not because of Frank, but because Iâd used him whilst feeling lonely.
Harry looks in my direction and I would be dead on the spot if looks could kill. Who the fuck was he to judge?
âWeâre consenting adults Harry,â my voice was rough. âItâs not your concern.â
âYeah mate,â Frank reaches around for his underpants and dresses himself enough to stand up. âWe can talk later about last night, you and me. But Y/N and I were justâŚfinding comfort in the familiar. Right?â
âYeah,â I answer Frank. âJust some casual fun.â
âYeah,â Frank rummages in a drawer. âIâm hopping in the shower. Maybe we can all grab breakfast-â
âI should go,â I didnât have a show tonight but I couldnât stay here any longer.
âAlright,â Frank shrugs. âWeâll do something later.â
When he shuts the door behind him, the silence in the room becomes suffocating. Harry stands, pinching the bridge of his nose and I try to locate with my eyes where exactly my undergarments are. Ah, of course right by Harryâs feet.
âUm,â I clear my throat as I stand with the comforter wrapped around me. I point to the items. âDâyou mind?â
Harry steps back in disgust and I reach for them. When he doesnât turn around I raise my eyebrow and do a spinning motion with my hand. He rolls his eyes and turns.
âI canât fucking believe you,â he finally speaksâno, spits out as I slip into my clothes. âHow the fuck are you fooling around with Frank? Donât play with him Y/N!â
âPlay with him?â I zip my jeans on and return the comforter to the bed. âPlay with him? Frankâs a grown man. We have history. I can bloody well sleep with him if I want!â
âNot like this!â Harry turns, eyes blazing. âNot after what you said yesterday to me!â
âWhat I said? After you asked a hypothetical? A hypothetical in retrospect? When you have been pining after his girlfriend for five years? Five years! And you have the gall to judge me!â
âI canât help how I felt!â Harry steps closer. âStop fucking holding that over me like Iâm disgusting to have felt that! I stayed in my lane, you didnât even knowâthatâs how much I stayed in my lane.â
He had a point. It was wrong, but on a technicality he didnât do anything wrong. He takes my silence as a chance to continue chewing me out.
âYou hint that you couldâve felt something for me last night and then you come and sleep with him? After everything? What are you doing Y/N? This isnât you.â
âIâm doing whatever I want! You canât control whatever I want to do based on whatever fucked up morals youâre using on your high horse!â
âMy high horse!â Harry brushes my hand off when I touch his shoulder to keep distance. He was getting too close. âWhat do you want Y/N? Youâre angry that I abandoned you, youâre angry I confessed a secret you pulled out of me, then youâre fucking your exâmy best friend, and judging me for my relationship history?â
âYouâre way too close,â I push him gently by the shoulder.
âOh you donât like that? Both Frank and Harry close to Y/N again.â
âFuck off!â I push him again, harder this time and he flicks my hands off.
I shove him with both hands but heâs hard to move. He grabs my wrist. âIs that what you wanted all along? Just both of us trailing after you? Do you get a power trip out if it? Do you want me to kiss you too? Maybe a quickie before Frank gets out of the shower? Is that why you did this? Because I said last night I didnât think about you like that anymore?â
âStop!â I finally manage to get my hand out of his grip. He looks down at my hand and then at my face. It drops, and he steps back.
I turn for my coat and catch a glimpse of my face. I was crying.
âY/N donât go-â Harry calls out as I rush to the front door.
âYou must forget,â I keep my hand on the doorknob as I tell him one last thing. âHe broke up with me. Iâm not stringing him along. Iâm not sleeping with him to get to you. IâŚI donât even know you anymore HarryâŚI donât want to see you again. If youâre here âtil Thursday, stay out of my way.â
I do the walk of shame to the subway and sit on the ride home, crying openly on the plastic seats. Nobody gave a fuck.
I donât know what had gotten into Harry. But I donât know why I gave in last night too. I wasnât at a place emotionally to do this. Even though Harryâs words were his own projections one thing was true. His words last night did hit a chord, I did want to feel wanted. And Frank didnât deserve that.
I had run away instead of facing my reality. And it had gotten me nowhere.
6 months later:
My flat feels bigger than it did. I also feel bigger in it. Most of my furniture was still in storage, I had movers coming tomorrow.
I was finally back to London this week. I was jet lagged as fuck, and cried at least once a day. I missed the life I made in New York, the family I made. Our show had ended a couple months ago. Somehow Iâd booked a small role in a series Iâd end up dead in after four episodes. Iâd met an amazing guy there but we knew I was always moving back. We didnât try long-distance, we just agreed it was right people wrong time.
In my remaining time in New York I learned to pivot from running away to facing my past. Frank and I had talked before he left back in January. Even though I told him nothing about what happened I had told him it was probably best we stopped contact for a while. I needed to focus on my present.
And I had. I focused on my career, on learning to be alone and exploring why I needed to be wanted. Learning to be happy by myself.
It was 6 months but it felt like years with how transformational it had been. New York city had changed my life but London was calling me back home.
Iâd seen a couple friends since. One of them being from uni had told me about Harry. Apparently he had moved to Australia while his company was setting up offices there. A small part of me had held onto the hope of bumping into him in the city but I let it go when I hear the news. Maybe Harry and I were just going to live separate lives.
We never spoke after that day. It was hard to reconcile his actions with who I knew him to be. Over time I recognized we were both confused and hurting.
I loved him. It was simple. Maybe I always loved him. But I think it was a love that wasnât meant to be. I didnât hold out hope for him, and I made sure to minimize my heartache when I thought about the friendship I lost.
That love wasnât the same way I loved Frank. With Harry I really did feel we were twin flames, we knew each other right to the darkest parts of out souls. With Frank we fit right. It was mutual respect and love.
I had dinner plans with Frank next week, the first time we were talking since January too. I heard from my friend he had a girlfriend, he seemed serious about her. I was really happy for him.
I ease into London life slowly. I had a few roles on small sets that I popped in and out of for work. I met up with friends and visited my family in the country. Summer sweltered on and the city welcomed me back home with a steady hum. Despite my initial feelings of growing out of all my friendships, I slowly surround myself by loved ones again and find my flow.
Autumn creeps in and I welcome the cool breeze on early set days. I drink countless coffees and grow into my own skin. I book more roles and finally feel secure, it feels amazing.
An old friend invited me to a Halloween party. Costumes not optional she texts.
Another friend and I decide to go as Marvel characters. I dress up as the Scarlett Witch
âIs that Y/N Y/L/N gracing us with her presence?â An old friend calls me out when we get there. Itâs easy to get lost amongst old friends and everyone has a million questions about show business. When it gets overwhelming I excuse myself and take a lap, admiring the creativity in everyoneâs costumes.
âY/N you made it!â I look closer at the man in the makeup and realize it was Frank.
âHey!â I wrap my arms around him. âYou made it too!â
âBarely,â he points his thumb at the gorgeous woman beside him. Sheâs dressed as Rapunzel.
âYou made him Flynn,â I say.
âYeah!â She holds up her frying pan. âYou must be Y/N, Iâve heard a lot about you!â
âThat makes me nervous,â I grimace but we go in for a hug. âItâs so nice to meet you though! You two should win best couple costume!â
âThis hair gel is making my scalp itchy. Like crazy.â Frank goes to touch his hair but his Rapunzel slaps his hand away which gets me laughing hysterically. They really embodied the characters.
âHey,â Frank says once we get serious. âI dunno if youâve seen him yet. Harryâs here though.â
âI-oh,â I catch my breath. I wasnât expecting that. âHeâs notâŚAustralia?â
âNo no, he came back a couple weeks ago. Theyâre done whatever project they were doing. SoâŚyou havenât seen him?â
âNo,â I glance around. âI donât know if I want to. We havenât talked sinceâŚâ
âJust talk to him,â Frank says, suddenly intense. He grabs my arm and moves to the side, mouthing something to his girlfriend. Seeing him with her, I feel so distant from the girl who dated him Iâm surprised we did for so long. âY/N both of you need to make up. Look at us, we broke up after a long term relationship and weâre friends again. Thereâs nothing that you two canât get over.â
âItâs not that simple,â I couldnât out Harry so I mince my words. âHarry said some vile things. AndâŚheâs not who I thought he was for all those years. Itâs different!â
âY/N,â Frank takes a deep breath. He looks to the side, and I can tell heâs choosing his words carefully. âI love the both of you. Weâre all best mates, we used to do everything together. Threeâs still company! And I want to see both of you happy-â
âI am happy-â
âYeah but Harryâs a sore spot. Right?â
I roll my eyes. Of course we dated for so long, he knew how to read me.
âExactly. Listen I knowâŚI know itâs weird. We dated. And Harryâs my best friend. But whatever you two want to be, as long as the two of you are happy-â
âWhat?â Was he saying what I think he was saying? âWhat are you saying?â
âYou donât think Iâm an idiot do you?â Frank asks and I shrug. He huffs before continuing. âI see the way he looks at you Y/N. I know heâŚit was weird at first. When I realized maybe my best friend liked my girlfriend. But that shit happens all the time. I confronted him once. He said he admired you a lot but it was nothing more than that. I let it goâI think it was easier for me to believe him than call him out on his lie and potentially ruin our friend-â
âSo you know why weâre fighting?â
âNot exactly. But I guessed after I saw how angry Harry was. When he found us in bedâŚI put the pieces together. Sort of felt like it was my fault. That I was the reason you two were fighting. A part of me wasnât ready to give you up though. Iâm glad you made us take space.â
âYeahâŚâ There are so many thoughts running through my head and itâs hard to turn them into words. I just nod along.
âSo youâll try?â Frank asks.
âI-yeah. Iâm just going toâŚstep awayâ I pat Frank on the arm and walk away. I needed a quiet corner. I pass his girlfriend along the way and we smile cordially. I was happy for Frank. But I canât believe he knew. Not the whole time, but deep down he did. Was I the only one who didnât???
The way Harry looked at me. I remember. I never put much thought into it. We were best friends after all. But all along he had loved me from afar. And been there like a friend. It was stupid and crazy that he didnât just cut me off to move on, but it was also sweet. Pathetically sweet.
I walk out of the flat and find the stairwell. There was finally some air to breathe; I drop my head onto my knees to take some deep breaths. What was I supposed to do now? I knew I had to see Harry sooner or later now that he was back in town. But what if he changed too? What if he has a girlfriend? Did I even want to risk our friendship and try to be something more?
What friendship, I remember. We had nothing right now. Our relationship was in shambles. We hadnât spoken in 9 months.
âUgh!â I shout and it echoes in the stairwell. I dust my costume off and open the door back to the hall but I come face to face with Doctor Strange instead. Well, Doctor Strangeâs medallion.
âOh. Hiya,â I saw awkwardly. Harry looked amazing. Even in his costume. Heâs grown more handsome in our time away.
âScarlet Witch,â he looks me up and down.
âDid you know? Is that why youâre Strange?â
âHonestly no,â he steps back. âI had a cape at home, and found a robe so I just went with itâŚâ
âYou just had a cape at home? Casually?â
âYeah,â by now Harry is smiling and staring at me. We were having a casual conversation but his eyes were saying something else. He was really glad to see me. âIâm so glad I bumped into you.â
âIn the stairwell,â I arch an eyebrow. âA bird named Frank didnât tell you did he?â
âHm,â he pretends to think before taking a Strange pose. âI looked at the possibilities of seeing you tonight and-â
âYouâre such a nerd,â I put his arm down thatâs waving circles in the air.
We fall into another silence and itâs a bit awkward. But my words are too far away to grasp any, I didnât know what to say. There was too much and nothing at all suddenly.
âYou went to Australia,â I settle on prying what heâs been up to.
âYeah, yeah!â His eyes light up as he tells me about it. Apparently heâd gone with that girlfriend from New Yorkâturns out she was Australian. They lived together for a bit but her schedule made it hard to go steady. I glean this info while he tells me about what he was doing there and how different the lifestyle was. âIt surprised me. I really liked it. I think you would have too.â
âSeems lovely,â I smile. âYou glow when you talk about it.â
Harry blushes. âYeah IâŚit was the step away I needed. Thereâs a lot of bloody space in Australia, I just felt so free there.â
âIâm happy for you,â I say honestly. Harry actually seemed brand new. I ache a little that heâd done all this changing; what if I was a castaway in his big change.
âYeah. Thanks.â He smiles, his dimples make an appearance. âMâglad to be home though.â
âYeah,â I sigh. âMe too. I love America but Iâm home on British soil.â
That makes Harry laugh. Then more silence. Jeez what could I say. This was so awkward!
âShould we go back in?â Harry nods to the door. I hesitate, I thought we were going to talk talk. Isnât that why he found me out here?
Unless I really was in Harryâs past; he didnât think we were worth reconciling. Maybe we were just going to be friendly now. Oh that hurts.
âWhy not,â I walk ahead so I can mask my expression into something pleasant. I was Scarlet bloody Witch. Turns out Harry wasnât the Vision I thought he was going to be. I was going to be fine.
âSo you seeing anyone?â Harry asks casually as we walk back in. The noise is louder and I barely make his question out.
âAh no,â I canât look him in the eye. âNot right now.â
No comment from him. Oh my god I had to get away from this constant awkward energy.
âIâll catch up with you later then? I see some friends there I havenât spoken toâŚâ
Harry looks to where I point. His brows furrow for a brief moment before he slips on an easy smile. âTalk later!â
I look for him a little later after Iâve cleared my head. I see him with Frankâs girlfriend. Was he in love with her now? The thought flashes in my brain so quickly Iâm surprised by the emotion it pulls up. What was wrong with me!?
I had to slow down on the drinks. And maybe this headpiece was shrinking my brain cells. Why did I think such a horrible thought after Harry was so nice to me?
Youâre jealous.
I couldnât be though. Could I? This wasnât the Harry I knew. How could I be?
I move towards where I remember the toilets to be. I could get out of this headpiece, splash some water on my face. Factory reset my stupid brain.
âOh-âscuse me!â I bump into someoneâHarry coming out of the bathroom.
âHarry I-â I turn back to where I swear I just saw him.
âFrank dropped cream cheese on my cape that menace,â Harry shows me the spot. âIt barely came out.â
âDid you dab at it?â I inspect it. âLetâs see if we can get it out.â
He turns back and I follow him into the bathroom. I close the door and suddenly the loud noise muffles into a quieter environment. It emphasizes our silence.
âThe cheese is like, in the threads.â I use my finger to scrub the cloth. âFrank can be so clumsy.â
âHeâs like a child with finger foods,â Harry says. His voice rumbles through his chest to me. Itâs then I realize, he was nearly touching it to my backâIâd draped his cape over the both of us.
I blink up at him and he must realize because he steps back. âSorry, let me take this off. Might be easier.â
âNo thatâs alright,â I say but I take it from him happily detached.
He watches me clean it after offering assistance and being rejected. I was used to spot cleaning things out of my costumes, Iâd gotten good at it.
âHere you go,â I give it to him after dabbing it as dry as I could.
âWow, thank you.â He examines the spot. âThatâs nearly gone.â
âNearly?â I squint at it and he laughs.
âYeah itâs gone, youâre the wizard!â He extends the cape over my shoulders.
âActually it should be sorcerer,â I say. âIâve already got a cape!â
âBut itâs so short!â
âFine,â I pull it tighter around my shoulders and the comfort of Harry it carried. âIâll keep this on! See ya!â
He laughs but when I go for the door he stops me. âWait. Y/N wait. Wait. IsâŚis this how weâre going to be?â
âHuh?â I turn back to him. âIs this how weâre going to be??â
âYeah like, polite. And you trying to escape me every ten minutes.â
Oh. He noticed.
âUhm, no?â
âIs that a question?â
âWell,â I bite my lip. I was nervous suddenly, facing this very confident and confrontational and cute as hell Harry. âHow do you want to be?â
âHow we used to? Best friends?â
âI mean, can we? After everything?â
âI hope so,â Harry runs a hand down his face. âI was too proud the last time you saw me. I said some stuff I shouldnât have. Iâm sorry for what I did to you.â
âNo Iâm sorry,â I confess, relieved to be able to. âIf you were too proud, then I was too confused. I didnât know what I wanted. I lashed out too, and some of the stuff you said was right.â
âWas it? Say that again please?â Harry gives me a cheeky grin.
âShut up!â I hit him on the chest playfully. âThat isnât going to get a repeat.â
âToo bad,â Harry pretends to look upset.
We fall into silence once more but itâs not as awkward. The room is small we just sort of study each other.
âSo, friends again?â Harry holds his hand out.
âCâmere you idiot,â I take the step forward and wrap my arms around his waist. I fit here. Right here. Oh my god I missed this.
âY/N,â Harry squeezes me. âI miss us.â
âI know,â I squeeze him back. âIâm glad youâre here.â
âIâm glad you forgave me,â he whispers back to me.
âIâm glad you forgave me,â I whisper back.
A knock on the door breaks up apart. But we stay armâs length from one another.
âI can tell youâve changed,â he taps a knuckle to my nose. âIâm proud of you Y/N. I saw you on TV when I came back. I jumped up so quickly I scared my mum.â
âAw.â I try not to blush. âYouâve changed too. I like this calm and collected and mature Harry. Heâs cool!â
âI was always calm and collected and mature,â Harry says as I open the door. The person on the other side looks between both of us but weâre too busy bantering to notice.
âYou think burping at me is funny.â
âIt is!â Harry wraps both his arms around my shoulder from behind as we walk.
âSo you havenât actually changed,â I look up at him behind me. âGood to know.â
âLook at us,â Harry says. âTwo nexus beings finding each other again.â
âWeâve just altered the timeline becoming friends again!â I laugh.
We bump into Frank then, and he looks visibly relieved that we made up. I can tell by the way he studies us heâs trying to figure out if anything more happened but as Harry keeps his arm draped around me, and teases me like before, I watch his expression clear as he realizes we just made up as friends.
Itâs not disappointing. I missed Harry more than I thought, just being able to laugh with him means more to me than any kiss would. I stare at him longer than I should, and when he holds my hand as we leave the party my stomach flutters. But I donât think too hard about it. He was back in my life. I was happy.
2 months later:
âI brought the good stuff,â Harry holds up three bottles of wine in my doorway.
âThen you better hurry in!â I open the door wider to let him in.
âThese are for the lovely host,â Harry hands me a bouquet of flowers when I meet him in the kitchen.
âOh my god,â I bury my face in them. âThese are so lovely. Thank you H.â
I lean up to kiss his cheek. These were the little things that always took me by surprise when Harry did them ever since we started talking again. It reminded me that he did some growing while we were apart.
Not that the old Harry wouldnât have got me flowers. But he wouldnât have thought to bring them for me for our belated Christmas party. It was hard to explain, the changes were subtle but Harry was growing into a man. Finally.
âWhat are you smiling about?â Harry asks.
âIâm making fun of you in my head,â I tell him as I bring out a vase for the flowers.
âStop that,â he surveys my dinner table. âOr Iâll take those flowers back.â
âNo,â I hold them close. âCan you help out with the roast? It just needs to be taken out of the oven.â
âYeah!â Harry helps me finish up the dinner. It was the week between Christmas and New Yearâs and Iâd wanted to throw a Christmas dinner for my friends. He agreed to come early for this, but we finish quicker and have a half hour to spare.
âSo Y/N,â Harry says suddenly serious after we sit for a break. I still had to get into my outfit but I had to catch my breath first.
âSo Harry,â I joke to ease the serious undertone that had creeped in. I stretch my legs out on the sofa. Harry sits on the floor beside me, so I turn to my side so weâre at eye-level.
âDid you hear about Frank?â Harry picks at a stray fibre on the cushion.
âFrank? No? What happened?!â
âAh,â he leans back and closes his eyes. He says more to himself: âOf course.â
âThe suspense is killing me here! Is he cancelling or something?â
Iâd only invited Harry, Frank and his girlfriend, my neighbour, and 3 others. Already my neighbour cancelled for being sick. I had too much food for another cancellation.
âHeâs engaged Y/N,â Harry finally looks at me. âHe proposed on Christmas Eve.â
âOh!â I stare at Harry, frozen as a roller coaster of emotions rides through my system in 10 seconds. It had been 5 days. âWha-why didnât he tell me?â
âI dunno, maybe he was going to tell you in person today?â
âDid he tell you in person?â
âNo,â he places a hand on my leg. âHe sent a picture. But maybe itâs just given your guysâ history-â
âBut weâre old news. History. Literal history. Does he think Iâll be offended?â
âAre you offended?â
I pause. âThat he didnât tell me yeah a bit.â
âY/N,â Harry shakes my leg. âAre you alright?â
âYeah I-â I think about it before I answer. I wasnât jealous. Frank and I were over. His new girlfriend clearly made him happyâhe found what he wanted.
âWhat?â Harry asks gently.
âIâm not jealous or anything. I donât care but a small part of me looks back on us and is likeâŚif he wanted to he would. Right?â
âHalf your relationship happened when you two were students,â Harry knew what I was talking about.
âThatâs true. But we had years after too. It just makes me think how long we held onto each other because we didnât know better. It took him less than a year to propose to her!â
âDonât look at it like wasted time-â
âIâm not!â I reassure him. âIt was some of the greatest moments of my early 20s with the three of us. I guess when you know, you know.â
âYeah,â Harry had started rubbing my leg to soothe me. âGood. Are you sure youâre alright?â
âYeah. Mâgood thanks for telling me beforehand. Youâre a good friend.â
If he hadnât, I know it would have gotten awkward. Because even though I truly was happy for them, it was a bit awkward to find out and react live like that.
âJust pretend itâs the first time you heard when he tells you?â Harry asks.
âYeah I wonât blow your cover.â I smile. He doesnât smile back.
âYouâre really over him?â he asks instead. âIt doesnât bother you at all?â
I only realize how seriously he is when I look at him, he still believed I was hung up over Frank?
âHarry what? You know Iâm over that. We broke up over a year ago-â
âYeah but when we came to see you-â
âOh my god that was just two exes finding comfort in each other! We were both obviously lonely. And confused probably.â
I laugh but Harry doesnât. His hand on my leg stops and so I lay mine on top of his.
We both know why Harryâs so invested, heâs showing me he still cares. But neither of us make a move. I donât know why we were equally scared, but we stay that way.
Until my phone buzzes. We jump apart at the sudden sound and I scramble for it to help with the obvious tension that had just filled the air.
âEveryoneâs nearly here!â I get up. âI need to get ready! Can you let them in when they arrive?â
âSure. Yeah, get ready.â Harry waves me off. I rush to my room and slip into the sweater dress Iâd left out. I do a quick mascara and blush as I hear the guests arrive. When I come out everyone has a glass of wine and I greet them all with a hug.
âIâm so happy everyone could make it!â I say to the small group. I point out the appetizers and get to mingling. Everyone gets along well and I happily host with some help from Harry. I can sense Frank and his girlfriend, or now fiancĂŠ, eyeing me.
At the dinner table everyone tucks in. The drinks flow and so does the conversation. Until Frank clears his throat.
âWe have some news,â Frank says. We all look expectantly at him and he holds up his fiancĂŠâs hand. âWe got engaged.â
âOh my gosh! Congratulations!â I gush, with just enough enthusiasm that I can see them visibly relax. Everyone fawns over the ring. I get up to hug them both and say another congrats. I make eye contact with Harry as I sit back down and he anchors me. He was the reason things stay awkward-free. I loved him for that.
The night continues and by the time itâs midnight mostly everyone is drunk. They file out slowly and Iâm left with the usual three. Well, four now.
âSo when did you tell her?â Frank asks when his fiancĂŠ excuses herself before they leave.
âWhat?â Harry asks.
âTell me what?â I act equally confused.
âCâmon you two. Harry you told her before we came right?â
âTell me what?â I ask.
âMy news! My engagement! Iâm not crazy I know you told her.â
âI didnât say a word mate,â Harry swears. âWhy would I tell her your news?â
Frank looks at me suspiciously but I put on my best innocent face. He shakes his head when we hears his fiancĂŠ come back and they leave with a final hug. As soon as the door closes behind them, Harry and I break out into a fit of giggles.
âDâyou think he bought it?â Harry whispers.
âI donât think so.â I whisper back.
âWhy are we whispering?â
âI donât know!â this sends me into another round of laughter.
âHarry I need to get hydrated and go to bed,â I wipe my tears away when I get ahold of myself. âIâm losing it.â
âHere,â Harry gets up from where weâd crouched down to and helps me up. I lean into his chest as we have one last chuckle.
âYou get yourself cleaned and Iâll clean up here.â
âNo!â I wave his help away. âIâll clean tomorrow. You can pour another drink if you want. But donât worry about the mess!â
âJust get in there,â Harry pushes me to the bathroom and I donât have any fight left in me. I can hear him loading the dishes and I thank the universe for giving me someone like him.
By the time I scrub my day off and change into cozy flannels, Harry had loaded the dishes, put away any leftover food that hadnât been given away, and wiped down the counters.
âYou. Are. An angel.â I put my hands on either side of his face. âI love you.â
The words come out quicker than I could process. We both freeze.
âUhh,â he coughs out a laugh. I drop my hands. âI am an angel arenât I?â
âTonight yeah,â so we were going to play the avoidance card.
Itâs not like Iâd never said those words to him before. Iâd said it a million times. But not since before.
âIâll just use the toilet myself, before I go.â
âOh yeah,â I move aside so he can go past. I didnât want him to go, yet things had taken a turn for the awkward and I felt an anxious energy flood me.
I pick at the dinner table, gathering the spare decorations Iâd placed. Giving my hands something to do because Harry was going to come out any second now and Iâd have to look him in the face after the moment we just had.
What was wrong with us? We obviously liked the other person! No one was making the first move and everything was just suspended in jello!
That does it, I decide. I was going to give him a piece of my mind!!
âY/N,â Harry had come out while I was lost in thought. He stands on the other side of the table.
âAre you leaving?â I accuse.
âI was.â He licks his lips and looks away. âBut I canât leave like this. Look.â
He walks around to me and holds me hand. âYou know I love you. With my whole heart. I donât know why I was so weird back then.â
He cups my face, the same way I did before and my mental declarations fall like the last leaves of November. âI love you.â
An emotion sticks in my throat and I try to push it down to ask him as what? What did he love me as? I needed to know. But itâs too big to go down, and my eyes well with tears instead.
âCâmon,â he wipes a stray tear with his thumb. âIâve said it a million times. Youâre not crying are ya?â
âNo,â I say as more tears streak down my face. My lip juts out and it makes Harry laugh. He wraps me into him.
âWhen did you become such a baby?â
âIâm not a baby!â I say into his chest.
âShh you big baby,â he pats my hair down and it makes me giggle. He pulls me away and grins, he looks extraordinarily beautiful in this moment and I feel my breath catch. âWe got a laugh out of her!â
âLeave me alone,â I cross my arms.
His smile fades. âDâyou want me to?â
âNo!â I hug him again. âI like it here.â
âY/N-â he hesitates. I lift my face to look up, resting my chin on his chest. âI canât lose you again.â
He was rejecting me. He wanted to stay friends. Oh. The tears threaten up again and I take a step back. âOh.â
âNo no,â he pulls me back. âListen to me. I canât lose you again. Dâyou understand?â
His serious gaze disrupts a migration of butterflies somewhere inside me. When did my Harry become this handsome gentleman?
When you let him go.
I battle my thoughts as they try sabotage the good thing in front of me.
âWhat?â Harry cups my cheek. He knew the internal battle going on of course.
âI donât,â I close my eyes against his gentle touch. âI donât want to hold you back.â
âAre you mental? You make me want to be better Y/N. I wouldnât be who I am without you.â
âReally?â I ask. His forehead touches mine.
âReally,â he swipes another tear that had fallen without permission. âYouâre everything to me Y/N. I want you to be around all the time. You donât know how many times when I was in Australia I wanted to pick up my phone and send you something I knew you would find funny. It was painful every time I could. I donât ever want to lose you ever again.â
âMe neither,â I blubber. I felt the same way when I was in America.
âYouâre crying a lot for a nice moment,â Harry teases. âAre you sure you want to do this?â
âYes!â I cry/laugh. âI donât know why Iâm being so emotional!â
He presses his lips gently to my cheeks. Iâm light-headed as his lips move down to my own. Iâve never felt more complete than in this moment. Iâve never felt more whole in my life. It feels like coming home after a long journey, like finding your person in a crowd and saying ah there you are. It was better than being on stage with the sound of applause deafening your eardrums. It was everything.
1-ish year later:
Harry clutches my hand as we rush to the church, running late because he had woken up with a blemish that heâd made worse the more he tried to take care of it. I tried not to get annoyed, instead I lent him some makeup and we panicked all the way here.
âHas it started?â Harry shouts back at me as we climb the steps. I check the time, by some miracle we were only 6 minutes late.
âProbably!â I say. I was disgustingly out of breath but Harry waits for me at the top. We enter the lobby and peek into the ceremony. Frank stands up front but thereâs buzzing in the pews. âOh thank god!â
âPerfect place to do it,â Harry jokes as he opens the door and we walk in. Frank looks relieved when he spots his best man walking to him. He waves at me and I mouth good luck to him.
I wish Harry was beside me as the ceremony starts. Frank tears up as his bride walks up the aisle and itâs crazy to me how I once upon a time thought that would be me walking up to him one day. Harry catches my eye and squints, I was tearing up. Because now I imagined walking up to him one day. The true love of my life.
Vows are exchanged and the newlyweds dance down the aisle. We see them off and when I turn to Harry he kisses me with a ferocious passion.
âWoah,â I pat his tie when I catch my breath. âWhat was that for?â
âI just love you so much,â he kisses my forehead. âIâm going to marry you one day.â
I melt at his words, it had been over a year since we got together but I fell more and more in love with him every day. I canât believe he was right there all along and I found him so late.
âLetâs get in there and do it now,â I say mock-seriously. But Harry believes me.
âReally? Now?!â
âNo,â I peck his cheek. âBut Iâm just waiting for the question. Then I will happily marry you anywhere.â
âThereâs a question?â Harry plays stupid.
âIâll let you figure that one out!â I walk down the steps towards our ride. We had a reception to get to. On time.
The reception is at a gorgeous venue nearby that sparkles on every surface. I congratulate the newlyweds a million times and watch my drink since I told Harry he didnât have to drive. He was a funny drunk, very affectionate, and I didnât mind.
âThereâs my future wife,â Harry locates me near the end of the night.
âWe were just dancing together,â I put my arm around him.
âItsa last slow song,â he pulls me to the dancefloor where all the couples sway with each other. I put my arms around Harry and do the same b
âYouâre pretty drunk,â I whisper in his ear.
âI know. Last drink.â He slurs. âYâknow I love you sâmuch. Iâm keeping you forever.â
âThatâs a relief,â I tease. âI thought we had an expiry.â
âNo!â Harry pulls back enough to look at me. âNever!â
âI know,â I twirl the hair at the nape of his neck. âItâs forever.â
âYeah,â Harry gazes at me lovingly and I admire him the same.
âIâm so lucky to have you,â I tell him. âIâm so lucky you stuck around.â
âIâm the lucky one,â Harry slurs.
âLetâs dance,â I rest my head on his chest and we continue swaying. His heart beats steadily underneath and Iâm so grateful for him. I feel like going back just to tell myself that I would be dancing romantically with my best friend at my boyfriendâs wedding in a few yearâs time. That everything I knew was about to crumble underneath me but I would build it back up stronger than ever. I wish I could tell her to not be afraid, two was company and it would be the best kind yet.
#harry styles fic#writingsfromhome#harry styles#harry styles fanfic#harry styles imagine#harry styles x reader#fic#harry styles angst#harry styles fluff#harry stylesxreader#friends to lovers#i needed some fluff even though i canât do pure fluff#without some angst#yes Iâm seeing a therapist#đĽ˛đ
#iâm kind of attached to this one#lol
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Therapist Louis Tomlinson
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yknow when my therapist closed last week's session with a "so next week is the election please talk to me before considering dying" talk I kinda brushed it off but now it's two days away and there it is, that funny feeling once again.
#my diary#(feeling the need for a trip to inpatient amirite)#nah I'm fine I just wasn't expecting to dread it this much this time around#the amount of cognitive dissonance required to survive american politics is truly incomprehensible#the closest I've ever coming to understanding eldritch horror#there's a post that goes around here periodically that talks about how americans don't really have a cool kaiju like japan has godzilla#and I'm not really into kaiju media much but my friends are so I've been seeing more of it#and idk that post got its hooks into my brain and I got to wondering how a kaiju would manifest here#like what would that look like#but brother I think the kaiju is us#the american empire is the kaiju being inflicted on the rest of the world#and we're in-the-hills-in-the-cities-style bound to this unstoppable empirical monstrosity that's consuming and destroying the whole planet#and at this point in my life I feel like I woke up from the matrix but am still stuck and plugged into the battery pod#too weak to break free but you can't un-awaken (at least not entirely)#so you're just....... stuck in the pod and forced to occasionally re-enter delusion land to cast a ballot#like the ballot is going to affect the giant squid robots back in the real world somehow#this metaphor is getting away from me which means I'm ruminating so I'm gonna go play splatoon now#all this to say I hope kamala harris wins#and ha ha hee hee hoo hoo my therapist was right I'd get weird about the election even though I thought I'd be normal and fine
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it really is crazy beyond belief how ted's storyline this season is directly an attack on harry styles
#and not in a way that is remotely true to life or compelling#unless harry styles was also jason and olivia's therapist in addition to being her employee???#it is. Just simply insane that this is the version of events this show decided to tell#soccer show posting
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BUA -> new album that sings about love -> speculation being about her -> making sure everyone and their mother knows it was written before her -> tour -> new one -> rinse -> repeat
#here we go again#for legal purposes this is a joke#i honestly think his therapist is scamming him#cuz how come all of his ârelationshipsâ end the same way#oh wait....#louis tomlinson#larry stuff#louis and harry#harry styles#larry stylison#larry is life#bua
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Chat is it normal to yearn for a relationship that will specifically only end messy and heartbreaking just so that I can relate to break-up/sad love songs
#chappell roan#taylor swift#i need a lobotomy#and a therapist#hozier#billie eilish#help my sanity#asexual#iâm in a silly goofy mood#conan gray#harry styles#mitski#laufey#love songs#delulu
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Simping over middle aged actors who donât know I exist. An essay.
Maybe itâs just a general lady thing, but I have a tendency to crush on actors 10+ years older than me. Am I a lonely 26 year old lady waiting for her happily ever after while my catholic match profile is crickets?
You got me there.
But like seriously it is a general human thing to find someone attractive and to feel feels. Itâs in everything, life, movies, music, ballet, art, history. Donât get me started on my favorite Corinthians verse about love.
Iâve been thinking about writing this post for a while now. I was basically inspired by Brittney Broski, who simps all the time and people relate to that and listen to her ramblings. Iâm sure one other person out there is interested in hearing my simp interests. đ
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I have a top 5 of middle aged hot guys I absolutely love. All of these are crushes that started when I started getting crushes and I still find them attractive today as a 26 year old lady. In order of discovering and falling for them they areâŚ
Ben Barnes
Robert Pattinson
Cillian Murphy
Sebastian Stan
Daniel BrĂźhl
1. Ben Barnes
I was 11, snacks and dance class was life, the hormones were starting to kick in and the second Narnia movie had come out. I wasnât much of a Narnia fan but I was forced to tag along with the after school program I was in to a showing of this movie as a last day of school celebration. Ben Barnes as Prince Caspian was FINE AF to my 11 year old eyes and heart. I fell for him like a ton of bricks and would get 11 year old girl fantasies of being Prince Caspianâs princess.
He is over 40 now and still fine as hell. His character in Shadow and Bone is amazing. He def plays dark personality characters very well. He has a singing career as well and his cover of River was in my top Spotify songs last year.
I love that he is in T-Mobile commercials now. He is perfect. He is THE ultimate hot British actor. I hope T-mobile paid him well because my man is talented and deserves to be more than just a face of T-Mobile. When I was stressed and on edge at my previous job at an urgent care, seeing his face on commercials always made my 12 hour shifts better.
Iâm surprised he hasnât been in some BBC new classic considering he is both British and adorable and would totally make a good heart throb protagonist?!
2. Robert Pattinson
I was in 6th grade and the Twilight books and craze was big at my middle school. Every other girl including myself was wearing team Edward or Team Jacob shirts. The Twilight movies also had come out. RPatz was the heartthrob of every girl. Move over Prince Caspian, Claire is grown and edgy and likes edgy hot guys that match đ.
A couple years ago I watched his video on GQ where he takes a look into his career and decided to dive into some of these movies myself. His young self is cute as a button in the 4th Harry Potter movie even though his charming character has an unfortunate fate. He makes the perfect Batman, just add in the Chris Nolan plot and music and we got a perfect match. He totally captured the darkness and loneliness in Bruce Wayne/Batman.
Of course I HAD to see his Chris Nolan debut. If you read my other posts, you know I am a superfan for Christopher Nolan movies.
He is fine and cute in that movie. His performance is great. His performance in The King was also great. He def nailed that French accent.
He can be the American heart throb AND the British heart throb at the same time
3. Cillian Murphy
Iâm 16. Iâm into zombie movies and 28 days later is on BBC even though the plot and IMDb pictures are scary, I still ditch my chemistry homework to watch it. Totally fine with any nightmares Iâll probably get. Still my favorite zombie movie to this day and one of the few horror movies Iâll still watch since converting to Catholicism.
This is the first time I actually fell for an actor because of their performance and then I deep dived into other works he is casted in.
I love his intensity and dedication to roles as well as approach. Even during his small role in Dunkirk. I love the power and darkness he puts into Tommy Shelby. I mean have you seen the scenes where Tommy is in full blown rage? He goes from zero to rage effortlessly.
His performance in Oppenheimer deserves an Oscar and if he doesnât get it I am rioting. He nailed the look. He nailed the sensory overload/overwhelmed looks. Just perfect.
Iâd love to just have a Guinness with him and just discuss Irish culture and his career over.
4. Sebastian Stan
What is funny about this one is that for a bit I was a Steve Rogers stan. Like from ages 16-21 Steve was my man. That was until his friend Bucky stumbled upon in my dream one night. Originally that is how I knew Sebastian but then i stumbled upon The Devil All The Time where he has a small part as a corrupt small town sheriff and became curious.
Last summer I had a random dream about Sebastian whist I was simping on RPatz. Somehow my curiosity got me and I became a Bucky stan. Still to this day I simp over him, even though thereâs another guy Iâm simping over even stronger (see below).
He is just so fine and such a sweet human being. I read a buzz feed article about people who have met nice and cool celebrities and my Sebbys was on it. In that video he did for GQ of him reviewing his career, he is so humble, so genuine and always has something nice to say about everyone he works with.
And now the current middle aged actor Iâm simping onâŚ
5. Daniel BrĂźhl
See my alienist blog post
Three words. Calm. Collected. German.
Well more like handsome, multilingual, and German đ
Wes references aside, It all started with my curiosity with the movie Rush. I had only known Daniel as Zemo in the marvel movies so I thought letâs see his other filmography. I fell for Daniel like a pile of bricks. The eyes. The hair. The talent. It was really Dr. Laszlo Kreizler that did it for me. According to Niki Lauda himself (God Rest His Soul) Daniel is a âdown to earth guyâ like who doesnât love that?! Plus being a wannabe #tradwife finds it so adorable that he has a wife and kids. I never want to cheat on those ever Iâm not that lady. But there is something so cute to me about a man with a family. Then again thatâs what all my fantasies are.
Like đĽšđĽšđĽš
He is a perf trad man vibes. Who doesnât love that?! His character in Rush gives the same vibe too. I also love me a smart and sarcastic man like Dr. Kreizler. Then again Iâve been told Germans are just that way and being that Iâm about 1/3 German I could just find that sexy in my blood đ
In conclusion
I have one goal in common with these men. I want to see them each in a Chris Nolan movie AND a Wes Movie. Not one or the other. Both. Rpatz and Cillian are halfway there.
My top 5 of middle aged actors that I will forever simp on: honorable mentions
Matthew McConaughey - his performance in interstellar is so amazing Iâm naming my son Joseph in honor of not only the OG St. Joseph himself but his character in Interstellar. Also is pro American and sometimes stars in comedies.
Adrian Brody- a Wes regular. And on Peaky Blinders. I love his variety. âI think it STINKS!!!â
Chris Evans- I was obsessed with him and Steve rogers during my late teens for a MINUTE. So he has to be included here.
Ryan Reynoldsâs. He was pikachu and he is a family man and has a beautiful family with Blake Lively.
Honorable mentions but theyâre actors I find hot but theyâre my age (Oct 1996 or younger/older by 5 years)
Tom Holland. Fellow 1996 baby and Iâm pretty sure he wouldâve graduated in my class. Plus he is faithful, anti Hollywood actor, and a loveable dork. Also he does it all.
Timothee Chalamet- probs the Leo DiCaprio of my generation. Plus that jawline and hair. Hard to find a cutie with hair texture like mine.
Tony Ravilori. Also a fellow 1996 baby and Wes regular. Has a charming simplicity in his characters.
Freddie Highmore- I just love his performance in The Good Doctor.
If theyâre my age I may have an expressed interest in their work because theyâre my age. Iâll be seeing them in 40 years on tv looking as perfect as ever still and me with my greying hair will wonder where time went.
Harry Styles. I was a one Direction girl. Been following his solo work for a bit and he is a fellow 420 user đ
Honorable mentions but theyâre actors older than my parents
Wes Anderson. year older than my mom and he fine as hell on top of being my favorite director.
Jeff Goldblum -itâs Jeff Goldblum
Iâm not too crazy about the honorable mentions but theyâre still cool. Iâd have a glass of wine or blunt with them. We all have our favorites on differentiating levels.
#im a simp#daniel brĂźhl#my thoughts#cillian murphy#robert pattinson#rambles#ramblings#ben barnes#sebastian stan#tom holland#harry styles#timothee chamalet#tony ravilori#ryan reynolds#matthew mcconaughey#my therapist will be hearing about this#autistic things#laszlo kreizler#bucky barnes#adrian brody#personal essay#my essays
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Who Am I?
Who is this bitch Jade? Actually, no one special. I spend my days online reading/writing fanfictions and watching shows and movies. I am dreaming about a life that is too far away to reach and about a guy who is (I think) happily married and has kids.
I am a capricorn and my rising sign is aquarius. I live in germany. (so english is not my first language) and grew up in a toxic household. I am the oldest of a generation. Mentally i'm screwed. I suffer from dark humor. In the future i want to make movies. I don't give a shit what the world thinks about my dream.
One of my favorite artists is Harry Styles<3 I went to three of his concerts and those three nights were unforgettable. I felt so much joy and love in those moments. The adrenaline was pumping through my body and made me feel like i was part of something big. I am so lucky that i got to see him. Never been so thankfull for something. I will love him dearly, until infinty finds an end.
I grew up with Ariana Grande's music. I think she gave me the confidence I have today and made me a bad bitch. Harry healed my inner child.
I can say, with so much pride, that I am a reality shifter!<33333 There is nothing I am more proud of than this. I was there when it all started, I am a fuckin' OG. DracoTok and stuff like that, thats my shit.
On this blog i will share my experiences in life with u. Nothing special. Maybe it will help me a little to deal with my problems and maybe u will feel less lonely.
Long story short: I'm just a ghost that wanders around and is an insignificant part of someone else's life.
with so much love, jade^^
#childhood ptsd#mental health#folklore girl#folklore#harry styles#blog post#aideen's blog#therapy#in love with my therapist#reality shifting#ariana grande#draco tok#harry potter#hogwarts#hp fandom#wizarding world#wattpad author#wattpad writer#wattpad
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Wonderful World - Part 20**
HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE! Thank you for your patience it's been a very wild few weeks for me. But thankfully everything is back to normal:) I hope you guys enjoy this one, it's getting close to the end here!
Wonderful World masterlist
Warnings: Potentially angsty themes: racially insensitive remarks, discrimination, mentions of conflicts regarding coming out. Smutty themes: fingering, oral (male and female receiving), multiple orgasms, size kink, unprotected sex, coming inside.
WC: 15.6K
Celeste had been quite overwhelmed the last couple weeks. With the end of the semester, winter concert, and the musical all happening right after the other she was very busy. Diana also had a rather busy end of the semester. One of her fellow faculty members got COVID and was out of commission for the rest of the semester. Since Diana had the lighter class load after teaching the most over the summer, she had been contracted for extra hours to take over those classes for the last 2 weeks. This meant that Celeste and Ben were spending most of their time between Harry and Grace. Like tonight, this professor had one evening class and it was their final, so Diana had to stay until the final student turned in their exam. It had also been Celesteâs final dress rehearsal for the musical, so she wasnât free until 6pm, which worked out great with Harryâs schedule. it was nearing 8pm when the last person was submitting their test to her.
âHere you are, professor.â
âPerfect, have a great break!â She smiled with enthusiasm and the young man smiled and returned her pleasantry before hurrying out of the class.Â
She quickly texted Harry that she was just going to drop the exams off in her office and head out. Harry informed her that he was cooking spinach and chicken risotto for dinner and that Celeste was almost done with her homework. With a rumble in her tummy for what Harry was cooking she was quick about her last tasks and was soon on the way to his place.
When she arrived at Harryâs and rang the doorbell, Celeste was quick to open the door up. Immediately, the delicious scent of Harryâs cooking wafted out towards her.
âWow, smells amazing!â Diana smiled as she took another deep breath as Celeste hugged her tight.
âI know right!â She agreed and Diana kissed her cheek quickly.
âDid you finish your paper?â
âYeah, Harry reviewed it too. Said it was really good.â
âOh great!â
âMhmmm.â Celeste hummed happily snd guided her over to the kitchen.
âHey, Di!â Harry greeted with a bright smile, âHope you brought your appetite with you.â He said happily and she smiled upon seeing the little clip holding his longer strands of hair secured and out of his face. He was wearing an apron and had a towel draped over his shoulder.
âOh, I sure did.â She assured and he chuckled, âIt smells amazing.â
âThank you.â He hummed happily as he turned back to the stove.
âDo you need help with anything?â
âMaybe just get the parmesan out of the fridge?â
âOh sure.â
âCan I grate it though?â Celeste asked and they both said âyesâ simultaneously which caused them all to chuckle.Â
Diana washed her hands first and then went to grab the cheese and get it out of itâs packaging before locating the grater and getting a chunk of it in there as Harry finished up the risotto. In about ten minutes Celeste was hurriedly clearing the table of her school stuff and then feeding Misty as Diana putt down their placemats and utensils while Harry served up the food and Celeste went around and added everyoneâs desired grated parmesan. Soon enough they were all sitting down with steaming hot plates of the spinach risotto and gorgeously grilled filets of chicken breast resting beside that.
âAlright, dig in!â Harry announced and with that everyone started to eat. Harry liked to do this thing where they talked about the low and high points of their days, he mentally did it on his own just to practice gratitude, but it was nice to do it with others. So when he learned that Diana and Celeste generally talked about their days over dinner anyway (Celeste said that it was mostly her talking though) it was easy to introduce that into it the first time they had a meal together. And now it had been about hours dinners together in the last two weeks and well they all liked this format most because it gave everyone a chance to share. Celeste had mentioned to Harry that she loved it because it made it feel like they were their own little family. After they had each made a good dent in their meal she was first to bring up the topic.
âOkay, so highs and lows! I can go first!â She said and both Harry and Diana nodded and gave her their attention. âMmmm, the low was that I heard some of the background girls saying something about me before rehearsalâŚâ she mumbled, âBut the high was that dress rehearsal was perfect so it didnât bug me anymore.â She said excitedly.
âAre you sure youâre alright?â Harry asked her with concern before Diana could even jump in and Celeste nodded.Â
âYeah, it was just stupid gossipâŚnothing like before.â She assured them both, âI swear.â She insisted and Harry and Diana glanced at each other before she smiled at them.
 âAlright, but just know if you need to, you can tell us anything, yeah?â Harry asked and Celeste nodded with a smile, âGood. Di, do you wanna go next?â He asked and she nodded.
âSure. So my low is that I didnât finish grading my exams before having to sit through some presentations this afternoon so Iâll have double grading tomorrow.â She said and Harry grimaced a bit, âYeah, I have a big class and so does Gladys so itâs gonna be a big task.â She sighed, âAnyway, my high is this meal. Itâs literally perfect, I love risotto! Thank you so much for this Harry, I needed this tonight.â She smiled at him and he went a little pink in the cheeks.
âOf course.â He responded quietly.
âYou next.â Celeste said to him and he cleared his throat.
âYeahâŚummm, the low was that apparently the insurance company Iâm trying to be a provider for âlost my applicationâ or something like that. So just another set back in that department.â He explained, âAnd my high is also this dinner. Itâs nice to get to spend time with you guys and not be alone. Especially after having a less than ideal day.â He explained and Celeste was beaming from ear to ear.Â
âI really enjoy this too. Itâs nice to be able to process through our days with each other.â Diana added and this made Celesteâs smile even bigger.
âMe too. We should try to do this at least once a week! A little family dinner!â She suggested and Diana smiled at her.
âI would certainly make time for that.â Harry chimed in.
âCan we, mom?â Celeste asked with puppy-dog eyes.
âYeah, Iâd like that too.â She smiled at her and then at Harry.
âPerfect, weâll figure it out for next year, yeah?â Harry asked Celeste and she nodded eagerly. âOh ummm, also I was thinking, maybe after the musical we can have a little wrap party for Celeste here?â Harry said and Celeste gasped.
âYes! Yes, please!â She begged and Diana chuckled.
âHere? Are you sure?â Diana asked Harry and he nodded.
âYeah. We can cater in from that Italian place we went to after her spring concert? Invite her friends, the hot tub is out there, itâs not going to be too cold Thursday. And ummm, we grown ups can ummm, just have some down time?â He suggested.
âYeah, we can talk about it in a bit. See how much I can help with and contribute.â She said and Harry nodded.
âYes!â Celeste cheered, âCan I tell my friends tomorrow?â
âYeah, of course.â Harry smiled and with that Celeste was on a high for the rest of the night. After they had a bit of ice cream for dessert Celeste moved over to the living room to study a bit for her Geometry exam the following day. Diana and Harry cleaned up a bit and it so nice to have this little taste of domesticity.
âOK, so for this wrap partyâŚhow many people should I expect?â Harry asked as Diana washed the dishes and handed them over for him to dry.
âUmmm, itâll be five with us three, Grace and Henry. Her three main people. I would say Ruben and his girlfriend. Maybe Benâs parents and also Vincent. I think we should invite Geriâs mom and Ozzyâs mom just in case. Also Ozzy has a little sister, so if the mom comes so will she.â Diana explained.
âOK, so we can plan for like 20/25 people.â Harrys said.
âYeah, sounds good. Thank you for that, I hadnât even thought of that. Iâve been a little overwhelmed the last few weeks.â Diana explained, âLet me know how much I ought to contribute so that I can get that to you right away.â She said glancing to him.
âActually, Damian and I have it covered. He feels awful about not being able to fly back for the show so he recruited me to help him out with this.â Harry said and Diana sighed and turned to him with a knowing glance.Â
Damian wasnât on vacation for Christmas until the 19th, that was when he flew back from New York and he would be staying with them until the 13th of January. He always went above and beyond when he missed things for Celeste. Usually he plotted with her, after all, she was his sister and Celeste was her kid so she was ultimately responsible for her expenses. Harry had always been very generous with them, especially over the last few weeks that sheâd been caught off guard with all these new tasks. In her eyes, he had done more than enough for her and Celeste with that, so him pitching in to throw Celeste this little wrap party felt like too much.
âHarry, I have to help in some way.â
âYou will, you can help me byâŚhmmmâŚâ he said pensively and she chuckled.
âYou guys already have everything ready donât you?â She asked and he grinned and shrugged.
âWe got excitedâŚâ he explained and she smiled, âSheâs lucky to have you guys. Thank you.â
âOf course, love.â He smiled.
âUmmm, are you heading out for Christmas?â
âActually my parents are coming out here this year.â
âWell would you guys want to have Christmas dinner with us?â She asked and his eyebrows arched up in excitement.
âAre you sure?â
âYeah. I mean, I think it goes without saying thatâŚthat we love having you around. Just these last few weeks have been so wonderful and likeâŚI mean, you know I appreciate it, but Celeste does too. A lot. And ummm, I think Christmas without you wouldnât feel right.â She smiled.
âItâs so nice to hear you say that. I was thinking the same thing.â He confessed with a smile. âWanted to see how we could manage to do something over the holidays. I talked to them about you and Celeste quite a bit, so I know theyâd be really pleased to meet you.â He said a bit bashfully and she tried to hide her excited smile, but couldnât help it.
âWell, Iâd be delighted to meet them as well. I know Celeste will too. Have your parents been to Disneyland?â She asked and he shook his head.
âProbably not since I was a child and we went to the one in Paris. As great as it sounds, itâs the worst one.â He said and she hummed.
âThatâs surprisingâŚWell, I havenât used my tickets discount this semester so I still have it. We can go do that? Doesnât have to be all day. Maybe in the afternoon/evening so they can see the fireworks and the parade?â
âMy mum does love fireworksâŚâ he said and she smiled.
âGreat! I can buy them tomorrow if you know what dates would work? When are they flying in? Can choose a day bit further down so theyâre not too exhausted. How long are they staying?â
âTheyâre gonna be coming from a conference in Seattle on the 21st, so right after Damian.â He shared, âI can call them tomorrow morning and figure out if they would prefer to do it before or after Christmas and let you know?â
âYeah, perfect.â Diana agreed.
âAlso, itâs not lost on me that weâre due for a date. I was hoping I could steal you away this Saturday afternoon to go see The Nutcracker?â He asked and her eyebrows arched up, âIâve always wanted to go see it.â
âOh my god, me too! Yes! Yes, letâs do it!â She agreed quickly.
âDo you think we should bring Celeste and Ben?â He asked her.
âAs much as I love my child, Iâd like to have some time with you, just us.â She said. âYeah, alright.â He agreed with a smile.
âIâm sure theyâll have some sort of plan now that theyâre on break from school.â She said and he nodded.
âI like himâŚBen.â Harry said as she handed him the last plate and she smiled.
âYeah?â
âYeah. Heâs so polite and kind and thoughtful.â He said and Diana nodded, âI see how he talks to Celeste and how he treats her as well. Heâs far more mature than I was at his age to be honest.â He chuckled and Diana smiled.
âSo seal of approval?â
âDefinitely. Ruben too, theyâre great kids.â
âYeah, their parents did an excellent job.â Diana smiled and he nodded.
âMom!â Celeste suddenly rushed into the kitchen making them both turn to her quickly.
âWhat is it?â She asked her right away.
âMy calculator stopped working, we need to get a new one for the test tomorrow!â Celeste said with a bit of panic.
âBring it here, you might just need new batteries.â Harry said to her and she smiled and hurried off to get it. She was back in moments and Harry looked at the little screws on the edges and smiled. âPerfect, I knew I didnât buy that tiny screwdriver kit for nothing.â He said with a grin and Celeste smiled as well, âI have a container of batteries in the right compartment of the sideboard with the TV on it. Hopefully I have some that fit.â He said and Diana nodded and Celeste followed her while he went off to look for the screwdriver set. She located the container quickly and brought it back to the kitchen with Celeste in tow.
âUmmm, Harry and I were discussing some plans for Christmas. His parents are coming to town so Iâve invited them over for dinner-â
âOh my god, yes! Yes, thatâd be so cool!â She grinned excitedly and Diana chuckled.
âGreat, just running it by you. Also, I think we might do a Disney trip with them, theyâve never been. Do you think Ben would want to join?â
âHe canât, theyâre going up to Mammoth for Christmas and wonât be back until New Yearâs eve. I was invited but I donât know about skiing or snowboardingâŚI donât know how and I heard you can get hurt really badly.â
âYeah, thatâs true-â
âHow can you get hurt badly?â Harry asked as he came in with his glasses on his face and a little black pouch in his hand.
âDoing snow sports.â Diana said and he nodded.
âOh, I knew a kid in school who went snowboarding on holiday with his family, like they always did, and in order to avoid an accident he ended up crashing into a tree trunk! He quite literally broke his entire face. Fractured skull, nose, jawâŚhe had to get implants because he lost basically all his front teeth and even had to have his nose rebuilt.â He said as he opened up the little pouch.
âWell good thing I declined the invite. I donât want to break my faceâŚâ Celeste said lowly and Diana glanced to Harry as he looked up to her and then to Celeste.
âI didnât mean to scare you, sorry. It was on a more advanced run, so for people who are doing this regularly or professionally-â
âLike Ben!â Celeste added with a tone of concern and he offered a bashful smile.
âYou donât have to worry, Iâm sure heâll be fine. That accident was a fluke.â
âAll accidents are! Thatâs why theyâre accidents.â She pointed out and he sighed.
âSorry. But his dad is a firefighter and EMT and his mom a nurse, so Iâm sure theyâll ensure heâs being as safe as possible.â He reassured her and she sighed.Â
âYeah, I hope so.â She mumbled.
âWe got on this topic because I was asking if I should count Ben for our family Disney trip.â Diana explained and Harry smiled a bit as he was grabbing the little screwdriver and then Diana glanced over to Celeste who was smirking. âWhat?â She questioned them both.
âNothingâŚIâm excited to meet your parents, Harry. Are they as nice as you are?â
âDefinitely.â He agreed with a smile and Celeste grinned.
âMom, weâll need to do some Mexican and English traditions so that we can learn about each otherâs cultures!â She said as Harry screwed open the back of the calculator.
âWell, Mexicans celebrate on the 24th, thatâs why we always do everything the night before. Traditionally thereâs a piĂąata for the kids and then we open gifts at midnight. My family never really was too religious, but religious families will go to the midnight mass or to some mass the following day. And then itâs the recalentado.â
âWhatâs that?â, âWhat does that mean?â Harry and Celeste asked at the same time and she smiled.
âSo literally translated it means âthe reheatâ. So we have the leftovers from our Christmas dinner, technically Christmas Eve dinner I guessâŚand uh, weâre just with the family for the day and then go home and thatâs it. Each family might have their own little things, but in my family it was just that. I mean, if anything your uncle and I can make some traditional food, just a bit for everyone to try? Maybe we can get a couple little fire works, we did that too. Iâm sure your uncle would love thatâŚâ
âPlease! And tamales! I never get tamales!â Celeste said and Diana chuckled.
âYou try making them then. Such a hassleâŚâ Diana said to her and she and Harry chuckled.
âI can help!â
âOh, you will. I mean, it wonât be so bad considering there wonât be many of us. But there are superstitions about it, like you canât be angry while making them or the dough wonât fluff up right. They also say no men in the kitchen because the tamales will surely burn because the men are too distracting.â
âBecause weâre too handsome?â Harry asked with a grin as he got the backing off of the calculator. Celeste chuckled.
âActually it has more to do with men being too needy I think.â Diana grinned and Celeste chuckled again.
âYeah, our kind does tend to excel at weaponized incompetence, doesnât it?â He chuckled as he turned over the calculator and dumped out the batteries.
âWhatâs that?â Celeste asked with some confusion.
And well, Harry then launched into this entire spiel about what weaponized incompetence is and how to identify it all while he searched around for a corresponding battery for Celesteâs calculator. She was nodding along, completely captivated by what he was explaining to her, occasionally looking up from the task at hand.
Watching Harry be able to joke about but then turn it into a teaching moment really made Diana love him all the more. He was so gentle as he explained things to Celeste. He was patient and answered all of her questions, like she did. She knew it would get harder and harder to be patient and work up to telling Celeste about how she felt about him. Sure, right now she was in favor, but if she told her that they loved each other she would realize that this had started long before she instigated anything between them and that worried her just a bit.
It was around 10:30 when theyâd gotten to their house and Celeste had followed Diana to the kitchen. Diana liked to have tea before bed, it helped her relax.
âWant some, mamita?â
âPlease! Want to get good rest for the test tomorrow.â She said and Diana smiled and nodded.
âOK, Iâll bring it up to you, yeah?â
âYeah, thank you. Iâm going to shower quickly.â She said and hurried up the stairs. Diana looked in the fridge to see if she could pack anything for her and Celesteâs lunch tomorrow, but considering she hadnât been cooking a lot this week there wasnât much. With that she made their teas and was heading up to Celesteâs room. She went and set down her own mug and mag before heading back to Celesteâs room and knocking a few times.
âCome in!â Celeste called back.
Diana opened the door slowly and then made her way over to Celesteâs bed. She was getting settled in when Diana set the mug down on her bedside table.
âFeeling good about your test tomorrow?â
âYeah, especially now that the calculator is fixed.â She said. âUmmm, mom earlier when you were telling us about Disney you referred to it as our family Disney trip. Thatâs why Harry and I were smiling at each other.â She explained and Diana felt her cheeks warming up with a blush.
âOhâŚwell, it is our family. I mean, us and uncle Damian-â
âAnd Harry.â Celeste added and Diana smiled.
âYeah, heâsâŚbasically part of the family now.â She said and Celesteâs smile widened. âAre you nervous to meet his parents?â
âWhy would I be nervous?â Diana asked. She was, she was so nervous!
âBecause itâs nerve-racking! Iâm nervous!â She confessed and Diana smiled.
âDonât be, mamita. Theyâre going to love you.â Diana assured.
âI hope so.â She said and Diana hummed.âUmmm mom, tomorrow night, can you help me straighten my hair for the musical?â She asked and Diana looked at her with confusion.
âYou donât want to wear it curly?â She asked and Celeste sighed.
âThatâs whatâŚthatâs what I heard the girls gossiping about in the costume room. Obviously, the other girl that got the call back isâŚsheâs notâŚshe looks the part, I guess.â Celeste sighed and Diana frowned as she heard Celeste say this. âAnd she was telling her friends that Dorothy isnât black so that she hoped I at least did something to flatten my ugly hair for the real performance.â She shared with a frown and hurt in her eyes. Diana felt her own eyes welling up because it hurt to hear this. But this wasnât a time for her to break down, she needed to focus on Celeste and to be there for her as she struggled with this racially discriminatory commentary that had been intended to hurt her feelings.
âListen mamita, first off, Dorothy Gale is a fictional character. She is however we imagine her to be. But more importantly, Dorothy is more than just a little white girl, she represents anyone who has ever felt like theyâve lost their way. Sheâs courageous, strong, good-hearted, compassionate, and so determined! Much like someone else I know.â Diana smiled and Celeste did as well, âAnd if your teacher wanted to cast based on looks then that other girl wouldâve gotten the part. But she didnât, you did. Iâm sure your teacher saw a lot of Dorothy in you and that made you the best choice to portray her. Itâs not about how you look, itâs about the way you connect to the role.â She explained and Celeste exhaled and nodded as she tried to just listen to what her mom was saying, âNow, if you really want me to help you straighten your hair for the show because itâll be easier of more comforbtale for you, I will. But I think that you portraying Dorothy exactly as you are would be the best move. Dorothy wouldnât change for anyone and she certainly wouldnât be discouraged by a couple of jealous and gossipy girls.â Diana said and Celeste bit her lip and sighed.
âYouâre right. I donât want to, I justâŚthought that maybe if I did people would focus more on the acting instead of the fact that Iâm notâŚwhite.â She said and Diana nodded in understanding and reached for her hand.
âI get that. Iâm sorry that people think that way and that itâs made you doubt yourself. And look, I know Iâm your mom and in a way I feel a lot of your pain and concern and anxieties, but I will never truly understand the things you will go through as a mixed race woman and that pains me so much. But I promise you that I will always be here to share that load with you, that I will listen to you, and remind you of just how incredibly powerful you are. And you have so many people who love you and see that and who wouldnât have you any other way.â
âThank you, mom.â She hummed with welled up eyes.
âOh, come here.â Diana sighed and Celeste crawled out of her sheet to hug around Diana tightly, âYouâre going to be phenomenal. I love you so much, sweetheart.â
âI love you too.â Celeste responded happily. They just hugged for a few more seconds before they both pulled back. âThank you.â
âOf course, mamita. Now, get some rest, okay? Big day tomorrow.â She said softly and Celeste nodded.
âGânight, mom.â
âNight, cariĂąo.â Diana responded softly.
*********
Celesteâs musical debut was tonight and it coincided with Dianaâs final presentations for her class. She would be making it in time, but she did want to get showered and changed for it. So Grace had picked Celeste up from school and got her home so that she could shower quickly before heading right back to school. Her call time was 4:15pm and the musical would start at 5:30, so they needed to move quickly. Diana had even honked at grace as she waited at the light to get out of their neighborhood and called out a âbreak a leg!â to an excited Celeste who had basically crawled over Graceâs lap to peer out the window and greet her. Harry had offered to pick Diana up so she was just confirming that he would be arriving at 5pm like planned before she got in the shower; they wanted to get there early to get good seats.
Diana was excited and nervous for Celeste. Obviously, sheâd do a great job, but she couldnât help but be a little concerned, especially after what Celeste had mentioned to her about those girls earlier in the week. It was just a high school play, but when school is your whole life something like that feels like the end of the world and obviously, this girl was still upset at not being cast in the leading role. She hadnât realized the time until her phone started ringing beside her and she saw Harryâs name on her screen.
âHey!â
âHi, Iâm outside. I texted since Iâm a little early so if youâre not ready-â
âOh no, Iâm ready.â She responded, âSorry, didnât see your messages. Iâll be out right now.â She said and hung up. She had been waiting in the kitchen so she hurried out and locked up before making it out of the gate and into the front seat of Harryâs car. âHi.â She smiled at him and he smiled back.
âHi, you look very pretty, as usual.â He complimented before turning back to the steering wheel.
âYou too.â She responded and they both chuckled as he took off.
âSorry.â She said and he chuckled again and he reached for her hand and she let him take it. It didnât take long for Harry to feel her leg bouncing up and down nervously.
âAre you nervous for Celeste or are you doing a surprise performance I donât know about?â He asked her and she chuckled.
âIâm just a bit nervous for her.â
âSheâs going to be great!â
âI know she will be butâŚthe other day after we came back from yours, you know how she mentioned that she had heard some girls talking badly about her over dinner?â
âYeah.â He confirmed already feeling some dread for whatever would come next.
âSheâŚshe asked me to straighten her hair for tonight because the girl who didnât get the role of Dorothy said something about her hair being ugly because she wasnât white.â She shared and Harry frowned as he turned to her briefly.
âWhat the fuck?â
âYeah, she was sad about it and felt that if she didnât straighten it for the performance that it would take away from the play because all people would focus on was the fact that she wasnât white like Dorothy was in the film.â
âDid she?â
âNo, I talked to her about Dorothyâs character and strength and how obviously her teacher saw more of Dorothy in her than in the other girl. If it had been about looks rather than talent and ability then he wouldâve just cast this other girl instead. She seemed fine about it after that, but ummmâŚIâm not. Maybe Iâm just being paranoid, but what if this other girl tries to do something t-to ruin her moment? Like in Carrie! I mean, she worked so hard!â
âI see your point, but baby, itâs going to be fine. I think if this girl wanted the role that bad she wouldâve done something to sabotage Celeste a long time ago. But if itâs going to give you peace of mind I can talk to the teacher when we get there, yeah? Mention it to him and just remind him of how she had been bullied last year so that he takes it seriously, he can have a look around the stage, yeah?â
âOK, yes. Please. Thank you.â Diana smiled at him and he nodded.
âOf course.â
âDid Celeste give you your ticket?â
âWait. I needed a ticket?â He asked her and Dianaâs eyes widened and then he chuckled and she scoffed, âI have my ticket. Right in here.â He said and slipped it out of the breast pocket of his jacket while they were at a stop light.
âYouâre the worst.â She mumbled and he smiled.
âYou need to relax a bit, love.âÂ
âI am tryingâŚI really am.â She mumbled.Â
âWe got balcony seats right?â He asked and she nodded, âGood, told Damian Iâd record Over the Rainbow for him.â Harry said and she smiled.
âThatâs sweet of you.â
âI know.â He smiled and she chuckled.Â
They arrived a little after 5pm and Harry grabbed a beautiful bouquet of flowers from the backseat before they headed inside. There were three other people in the line to buy tickets. Thankfully, they had already bought Grace and Henryâs tickets beforehand with Celeste. One of the students was designated for repurchased tickets and once he returned the stub to them assured them that the usher at the steps would guide them to their reserved seats.Â
âSo youâre Celesteâs parents?â The girl ushering asked them when she saw their ticket stubs.
âYeah.â Diana smiled as she guided them up the stairs. This made Harryâs heart flip a bajillion times a minute because he did feel like her parent. He had no idea if Diana just didnât want to bore this child by explaining that he wasnât or if she actually did feel that he was her parent in some way, but either way it made him so happy.
âShe killed it in rehearsals! Sheâs going to be so good!â The girl said and they both smiled and thanked her quietly as they. Made their way into the auditorium, âI think you guys will be really proud of her.â She said sweetly as she guided them back down to th eedge of the balcony. âThese two are you seats. You can only save one seat per person, so up to two seats for you guys if youâre expecting anyone else.â She informed.
âPerfect, thank you.â Diana smiled and then the girl headed off. âOk, hereâs my coat and my bag to save the seats for Henry and Grace.â She said handing the things over to Harry who set them down in the tow empty seats beside him.
âDo you still want me to go find the teacher?â
âIf you wouldnât mind. Just for my peace of mind. His name is Mr. Hadley.â
âOf course. Iâll be back soon.â He said as he swiped his thumb over her cheek and then hurried up the stairs and out of the auditorium before going back down to the hallway. He asked the girl ushering if he could speak to Mr. Hadley and she nodded and guided him back stage through the band room. Everything had been moved aside to allow room for little vanity areas. Just the last couple students were getting their make up done. She guided him through to this empty hallway that served as the path from the band room to backstage.
âWait here, Iâll go find him.â She smiled and hurried off. As he waited around silently he could hear people warming up their voices further down the large hall and he tried to pick out Celesteâs voice from the group, but it wasnât an easy task. Just moments later Mr. Hadley was walking briskly behind the girl and she offered Harry a smiled before hurrying back out to her post.
âHello, Iâm Ken Hadley, the drama teacher. Mallory said youâre Celesteâs dad?â He asked as he extended his hand.
âYeah, sort of.â He chuckled, âUmmm, I just wanted to come talk to you because her mum mentioned something to me that Celeste shared had happened earlier in the week thatâs causing her some concern.â Harry said and his brows furrowed, âI donât know if youâre aware that Celeste was bullied very badly last year?â
âYeah, I did hear about that. Did someone do something to her?â He asked immediately.
âIt appears that one of the girls is upset that she won the role of Dorothy and Celeste heard her making some racist remarks. Things about her hair and how sheâs not white so she shouldnât have gotten that part.â Ken frowned upon hearing this, âShe just shared this with her a few days ago and so now her mum is a bit worried, given her history with bullying that one of the girls might try to retaliate in some way or try and set her up. I know that it might seem like a stretch but given the way they humiliated her on social media last year-â
âNo, she has every right to feel concerned. I think I know who that might be and I will certainly speak to her about what she said before we start, but we can do a walk through of the stage if that would make you feel more comfortable? Most of our backdrops are one dimensional so those are fine ummmâŚwe can look through her props as well, just to ensure there are no prank items or anything.â
âYeah, of course. Thank you so much for understanding.â Harry said and Ken nodded and had him follow him down the stage. The stage hands were already busy finalizing the set up for the opening scene. And he had them look through all the levers and turned on the stage lights so they could look up at the scaffolding. There was a gate to get up there to change any bulbs on the lights, but it was locked and only the head custodian had the key. They looked in her props and everything was in order. âWell thank you again so much for being willing to give me a walk through, Ken.â
âItâs not a problem. I was bullied a lot through high school for being a thespian and I donât think my parents or teachers did nearly enough to make me feel safe. I donât want anyone else to ever feel like I donât take their comfort and safety seriously.â
âIâm sorry to hear that. But itâs a relief to know that there are people as caring as you in the school system. These kids need it, so thank you.â Harry said and he smiled and nodded. Just then, a few girls walked by and Kenâs eyes were averted away from Harryâs.
âMakenzie, Ella, and Trinity hold on for a sec!â He called after them and they stopped right before they made it back the stage. âIâm gonna talk to them about what it is they were saying. Do you need someone to show you out?â
âItâs alright. Just through there, right?â He pointed to the band room door and Ken nodded. âThank you again, Ken. Pleasure to meet you.â
âLikewise.â He smiled before hurrying off and guiding the girls somewhere a bit more private from all the kids helping out with set up. Harry was just about to turn around to head out when he heard Celeste.
âHarry?â She called in question and he turned down to face the long hallway and saw her coming forward in full costume. She had her hair styled in the traditional double braids and the checkered white and blue dress as well and he smiled wide.
âWhoa! Look at you! You look great.â He smiled with pride and she chuckled a bit nervously.
âThank you.â She hummed, âWhatâre you doing back here?â
âYour mom wanted me to talk to Mr. Hadley about what those girls said about you. She was worried they might try and get back at you or do something to try and embarrass you tonight.â He said and she sighed.
âYeah, I wasâŚa bit concerned too. Especially since I decided not to straighten my hair like they were saying.â She explained.
âWell, he looked through the entire stage with me and we checked all your props and everything is looking perfect.â He reassured her and she let out a big sigh.
âOh, thank you. That makes me feel better.â She said with a relieved smile.
âIâm glad.â Harry hummed and then his smile dropped, âIâm so sorry you had to hear that. I will always have your back and stand up for you when you need me too. And not just for this kind of thing, for whatever you need.â He assured her.
âI know you will.â She said softly.
âGood.â He smiled, âI love you, petal.â
âI love you too.â She said and hugged him tighter and he chuckled as he hugged her back.
âYouâre going to be wonderful. I know your mum is a lot less competitive than me and would never say this, but Iâm not her, so I will encourage you go out there and kill it. Show âem why you got the part, petal. Rub it in their faces a bit, yeah?â He said and she chuckled and nodded.
âI will do it for you.â She assured.
âNuh-uh. Not for me. Not for your mom. Do it for yourself. Make yourself proud of what youâve accomplished.â He said with a final squeeze around her shoulders before pulling back from their hug, âJust know that your mum and I are proud of you regardless.â
âThank you.â She smiled wide at him.
âOf course.â He assured her.
âDid you guys actually get the balcony seats like I requested?â She asked and Harry nodded.
âYep, front and center. We were able to save spots for Grace and Henry as well so weâll all be up there. Is Benâs family coming?â
âYeah, just his dad and Vincent though. His mom had to work, but they should all be up there too with Ruben and Heather.â
âGreat. So you know where to look.â He said and she smiled and nodded, âAlright petal, let me get out of your hair.â He said and she smiled.
âUmmm, tell my mom thanks as well, please?âÂ
âYeah, love. Break a leg!â He exclaimed happily before he made his way back to the band room with a final wave. On his way up he heard Henry and turned to see him submitting his tickets to the student at the table outside of the theater so he went over to them and greeted them happily before taking them up and to their seats.
âHey guys!â Diana greeted them happily when she saw them all coming in, it was starting to fill up with just 15 minutes before the start. âWe saved you some seats.â She said and Grace thanked her as she sat down beside her and then Harry took a seat to Dianaâs right. âWere you able to talk to her teacher?â
âYeah, he was really sweet. He checked the stage and props sheâll be using and I even saw him pull the girls that were saying those things to the side. Sheâs going to be just fine, OK? I promise.â
âOK, thank you so much.â She said quietly as her hand reached for his.
âOf course, love.â He assured her.
âI even saw her in her full costume. She looks great!â
âYeah?â Diana asked quietly and Harry nodded with a big smile. âOh god, thank you. Really, thank you so much for checking in with her. I feel so much better.â
âGood, love. I think she needed the reassurance too.â He smiled and squeezed her hand.
âHey guys!â They heard and turned to see Josh, Vince, Ben, Ruben and Heather all coming down to the row behind them. They also had a bouquet of flowers and a little gift bag with them which was such a sweet gesture. Diana thanked them all for coming and hugged them and properly introduced everyone to each other. They were all chatting as the auditorium filled up more and more until it was just jumbled up conversations until the house lights started to flick on and off, signaling that the show was about to start.
Diana was absolutely elated when the lights came down, she was nearly trembling in her seat when the curtain started coming up and moments later there she was, her gorgeous girl. She turned to Harry who was also smiling wide at her before they both glanced back to the stage. And boy, was Celeste killing it! She was doing a phenomenal job and had even adopted a kind of Southern accent that Diana had no idea she could even do! And when she sang! God, she was covered in goosebumps. She even heard a few people sniffling around her and the roars of applause that she received when she finished âSomewhere Over the Rainbowâ was beyond anything that she would have imagined. Yes, she sounded amazing and she knew sheâd do well, but being on the stage just brought something else out of her. She even got a standing ovation after it.Â
And when the production was over and the cast did their bows she got another ovation. Diana could basically feel the joy radiating off of her from up on the balcony as Harry whistled loudly for her and she, Grace, and Henry shouted at the top of their lungs. Celeste shielded her eyes a bit from the stage light to get a glimpse of them and even waved at them all briefly before doing the final round of bows before they walked off stage. Soon after the house lights came on and Josh grabbed Y/Nâs shoulders and she whipped around.
âShe was unbelievable!â He praise and she smiled wide.
âBetter than when we rehearsed even!â Diana chuckled.
âI cried.â Vincent said and she chuckled.
Soon after Diana introduced everyone properly and Josh even shot her a look after she introduced Harry. Theyâd waved at each other before when Harry had given Celeste and Ben a lift, but this was their first proper introduction. They were chatting a bit before Grace took Harryâs keys and her and Henry headed off to pick up the food and get everything set up while the rest of them waited for Celeste to come out. They were just chatting for a few minutes when Mr. Hadley came up and invited them backstage to get a few photos with Celeste before she got out of her costume.Â
âHi!â Celeste gasped with joy when Mr. Hadley announced himself. She first hugged her mom and Harry, who handed over the flowers as they fawned over her. Then, Ben came over and said hello with a timid kiss to her lips, he had Ozzy and Geri on FaceTime since they had sat somewhere else. Josh, Vincent, Ruben, and Heather also greeted her with zeal.
âAlright, letâs do photos!â Harry said excitedly and soon they were heading over to the stage with the lovely Kansas inspired backdrop and they had several photos taken before they let Celeste get changed out of her costume.Â
Once again, both Diana and Harry thanked Mr. Hadley once again and then headed out into the hallway to wait. Josh offered to get some wine for the grown ups and so they headed off to the store and Ben hung back to ride with Diana, Harry, and Celeste. Geri and Ozzy soon joined with Geriâs mom, Carla, and she introduced Harry to her and they chatted until Celeste came out.
âCan we follow you?â Carla asked Diana who nodded.
âYeah, of course!â We parked right by administration, so weâll wait by the gate.
âWonderful, thank you.â Carla smiled and guided Geri and Ozzy away to their car.Â
Diana turned to Harry with a smile as she saw Celeste and Ben get ahead and Ben put his arm around Celesteâs shoulders as she was carrying her bouquets of flowers. Several people stopped her to congratulate her on her way out which made her feel a bit bashful, but Diana and Harry felt nothing but pride coursing their veins at her accomplishment.
***********
Celeste was practically vibrating with excitement and adrenaline even on the car ride home. Ben was telling her that Vincent cried when she did over the rainbow and that made her giggle a bit. She was really hungry and eager to get started on her little wrap party. She had also invited Mr. Hadley, but he had some plans, but she would be sure to bring him some dessert the following day. She was really just mining her business, taking in her surroundings when they stopped at a light. Thatâs when she saw Harry glance to her mom, but when she looked over at her, she was already looking at him. This entire time sheâd been trying to encourage his crush on her mom. She wasnât blind, heâd seen him get flustered over her a few times, after all, her mom was gorgeous person inside and out. But now it seemed that maybe this crush was actually being reciprocated. She felt herself get even more excited and turned to Ben.
âHey ummm, random questionâŚâ she whispered to him and he nodded, urging her to go on, âDuring the play, were my parents holding hands orâŚlike looking at each other like they are now?â She asked him.
âYour parents?â He whispered back with a grin and she rolled her eyes.
âYou know what I mean, my mom and Harry!â She urged his response.
âUmmmâŚI donât know. Why? Are you still trying to set them up?â
âYes, yes I am. I mean, look at the way they look at each other next time. They at the very least like each other!â She said and Ben smiled as he glanced over at them briefly.
âWhat if theyâre already dating in secret?â He asked and she glanced over at them again.
âNo, theyâre both far too obvious.â She said and then started to giggle and Ben laughed along a bit.
âHey, whatâre you two gossiping about back there. Donât think we canât hear your little whispers!â Harry said with a grin as his eyes met Celesteâs through the rearview mirror and she went all pink in the face.
âNothing!â She giggled and then turned to Ben who was shaking his head at her mischief.Â
Celeste had really just romanticized the idea of having a little family with Harry. He had really come through for them over the last several months and she knew that her mom saw this as well. She knew that it was hard for her mom to take those steps in her romantic life, she was scared, but she just hoped that she could see what she had right in front of her. Harry truly felt like the parent sheâd been missing. He just got her on a level so close to her mom and he meshed so well with them together. He also got along with her uncle, who tended to be very protective over them. So if anyone could bypass him then surely they were a good fit! She just wanted so badly for her mom to come around.
When they got to Harryâs, Celeste was nearly teary-eyed over the whole scene with her friends and people she loved and cared for. She was over the moon with how proud and encouraging everyone was to her. She ate with her friends and soon they were heading off into the hot tub. Yes, it was a bit cold out, but hence the hot tub. It was roomy enough for all of them and so they spent a large part of their time out there chatting about their plans for winter break.Â
**********
âHarry is a hottie.â Josh said to Diana with a grin as he came into the kitchen to pour himself another glass of wine as she was. She smiled and nodded.
âThat he isâŚâ
âI really like him. I mean, not only did he look after my kid, but he very clearly cares about yours and thatâs not all that easy to find.â
âI knowâŚI think Celeste is trying to set us up.â
âOh, is she?â
âYeah.â Diana chuckled, âHe asked me on a date on Saturday to go see the Nutcracker ballet?â
âOh, how nice!â
âIf youâre not working would you mind taking Celeste for the afternoon?â
âOf course!â
âThank you. I believe the show starts at 3pm, so we might head out around 1:30 to have a quick bite and then go see the ballet. Iâll let you know tomorrow if weâre planning on dinner as well.â
âSounds good. I can have her out of the house by noon.â He said and she laughed a bit. âItâs really rare to find someone who connect with you and your child the way Harry has to you guys. I mean, Iâm so lucky that Vince has also connected with my sons. It took a bit for them to also see him as a father figure, but he was so consistent and patient with them.â
âI can imagine it was hardâŚwas coming out harder for you with the kids?â
âYes and noâŚâ he sighed, âYes because I never planned on actually having a relationship like the one I have with Vince. I was planning on just staying around playing pretend with Elena until she inevitably found someone else to be with or my father passed. I know that without his influence my mom would come around. I guess I just never expected to have everything I wanted.â He explained. âIt wasnât until I met Vince that I actuallyâŚregretted what Elena and I did to some extent. Like of course I love my sons and I love being a father, but at the time I thought that if I hadnât been so desperate to keep up appearances with my family then maybe I would have the ability to just go off and have a relationship they way I wanted, you know? Like I felt if I pursued anything with Vince I would have toâŚabandon my family.âÂ
âYeah, that makes sense. Almost like, you were torn; like you felt you had to choose your kids or Vince.â She said and he nodded.
âExactly. I felt like I couldnât be myself because Elena and I were playing house and I would disappoint them because we had committed to trying to have a family together. Elena knew I was into men but we agreed that we wouldnât see anyone else once we had Ruben.â
âHow did you meet Vince?â She asked.
âOn the job.â He smiled, âIt was a car accident. My crew and him and his partner were the first responders. I donât know, when we started talking when we had gotten the parties involved on their way to the hospital there was just thisâŚlook we shared. We just started out as friends, we both recognized that we werenât straight and bonded over the fact that we were still on career paths that could be discriminatory towards us internally. Like now the people at my station know about me. But I guess for him it wasnât just his family that he had to hide things from, it was at work too. Only his partner knows about him and sheâs a woman, LAPD is still evolving a bit.â He explained.Â
âThatâs so tough.â
âIt is, but you know, we started to fall for each other through that friendship and he made me feel so happy and I didnât want to choose. So then I approached it from a fatherâs perspective. Like if one my sons were also dealing with something like this, what would be the best thing for them? So I told Elena that I had met someone and had fallen in love. And after many conversations with Elena and with her getting to know Vince for a while, I decided that I would come out to my sons. I wanted to be honest with them and built trust with them, they were like 8 and 9 at the time, so they had been used to Elena and I. Getting used to Vince was definitely a bit of an uphill battle, but here we are now. And I know it can be hard to talk about this with Celeste, but this thing with Harry, thatâs your opportunity to build trust with Celeste.â He said and she nodded.
âYouâre right. I mean, I invited his family over for Christmas dinner, theyâre coming from England. And weâll be going to Disneyland as well. So ummmâŚI donât know, do I tell her after this date or after the holidays? Thatâs the bit to figure out.â
âI say talk to Harry so that you can both sit down and come up with a plan together. You deserve to be happy and Iâm sure Celeste will be thrilled with this based on what Ben has told me.â He smiled and she nodded.
âYeah, I think thatâd be a great topic of discussion this Saturday.â
âYeah, talk about your future together.â He smiled.
âThank you. Youâve been such a wonderful friend, Josh.â
âAs have you.â He smiled at her. They soon returned to the dining room and Y/N sat down between Grace and Harry.
âAlright?â Harry asked her with a hand over her knee and she smiled and nodded.
âYeah, baby. Josh is gonna pick up Celeste around noon on Saturday, that way we can have lunch and then get to the theater.â
âPerfect.â He smiled.
The rest of the time went by quickly and soon everyone was helping clean up as the kids dried off and got changed back into their clothes. They were all saying their goodbyeâs and of course, Benâs family were last to leave as the two loved up teens said their farewell.
âThanks so much for coming by Josh and Vince, it really means so much that you guys came by.â
âOf course, we wouldnât miss it for the world.â Vince smiled as he hugged Diana goodbye and soon she, Harry, and Celeste were waving goodbye from his doorstep as they drove off.Â
âDo you need help with anything else before we head out?â
âJust take a bit of leftovers for lunch?â Harry said and Celeste smiled.
âI definitely will.â She assured and Harry chuckled and helped pack up some stuff for her before they headed off to their own place.Â
Celeste was pretty exhausted after the day she had and she still had the jazz combo winter concert the following evening, so Diana was really insistent upon her getting ready for bed as soon as they got in. She made her a cup of tea and took it up to her before she headed up to her own bedroom for the night.
âCan I come in?â Diana called through the door and Celeste called out her permission before Diana came in.
âBrought your tea.â She said and set it down on the coaster on her bedside table.
âThank you.â She hummed.
âDid you have fun?â
âSo muchâŚall day was pretty great. Thank you guys for the party.â
âThat was all Harry and your uncle.â Diana informed and Celeste smiled.
âThatâs sweet of themâŚâ
âSuper sweet.â Diana agreed with a smile, âUmmm, I wanted to talk to you about something real quick.â
âOK.â Celeste hummed.
âSo on Saturday Josh is gonna come get you to spend them day with them and Ben because I ummm, I have a-a date.â She said and Celesteâs lips turned up in a grin.
âOh my god! Wow with who?â
âThatâs private.â Diana said quickly and Celeste sighed.
âMoooomâŚâ she whined.
âI justâŚitâs not what I want to keep it a secret from you. I just think I should discuss this with them first before I talk to you about it. Thatâs all.â
âHave you been dating this person for a while?â
âNo.â
âHave you liked this person for a while?â
âYeah, I have.â
âOK how long?â She asked and Diana just gave her a knowing look and Celeste sighed, âMmmmâŚdo I know them?â
âCan you stop!?â Diana laughed and Celeste rolled her eyes.
âFineâŚâ Celeste huffed. âSo where are you going?â
âTo see the Nutcracker.â
âWithout me?!â
âLast time I checked youâre creeped out by the rat king.â Diana said.
âI still like the music! Tchaikovskyâs awesome.â
âOK, we can go next year then.â
âPromise?â
âPromise.â Diana confirmed and Celeste smiled.
âWell, have fun.â Celeste said as Diana stood from the corner of her bed, ââŚI guess.â She mumbled quietly after.
âYou guess?â Diana questioned as she shot Celeste a glance.
âYeah. Iâm not fully approving of this until I know who it is.â Celeste decided.Â
Diana now knew full well that Celeste wanted her to date Harry, but she just wasnât saying it. She appreciated that she wasnât trying to force anything and meddle in her personal business. But in this case, Diana was like ten steps ahead and maybe she wanted to just mess with her a bit until they both told her that they wanted to be together. She knows it would make Celeste feel like they got the hint after her many subtle remarks, so sheâd give her that satisfaction.
âAnd why is that?â Diana asked her. Wanting to know why she was withholding her approval.
âBecause maybe you can do better.â Celeste reasoned.
âMmm, I donât think so.â Diana smiled. When she said this Celeste looked a little worried.
âAre you positive about that?â
âDefinitely.â Diana smiled.
âWell what if I donât like them?â
âIâm confident you will.â
âAs much as I like Henry? OrâŚmaybe even Harry?â She asked. And there it wasâŚDiana chuckled. âBecause you know, itâd be hard to get me to like someone as much as I like Harry. Like Iâd go as far as saying itâs nearly impossible.â She said.
âI am well aware.â She smiled, âAnd speaking of, Harryâs going to pick us up for your concert tomorrow as well. We all agreed over dinner to go out with you kids.â
âWhoâs all?â
âJosh and Vince, Elena will be joining too. Geriâs parents and Ozzyâs as well.â
âWhere are we going?â
âSome BBQ place that Geriâs mom knows the owner of. They have a party room or something that we can use.â
âOK cool. Grace told me she has her holiday party so she and Henry canât come.â
âYeah, I know.â Diana frowned, âBut Iâm glad they got to see you in the play!â
âRight.â Celeste smiled.
âAlright kiddo, Iâll let you get some rest. Love you.â
âNight, mom! Love you.â Celeste said happily as Diana offered a smile before heading out of her bedroom.
************
The next few days had been pretty great. Diana really focused on grading as much as possible in order to be as stress free as possible during her winter break starting on Saturday, with her date with Harry. She had been able to complete mostly everything on her work agenda and just needed to finish grading the exams for the class she was subbing for. But grades werenât officially due until the 19th, so she felt good about that being her only remaining task for the semester. But on Saturday she woke up feeling sick to her stomach, she was so nervous and anxious that it genuinely made her feel ill.Â
She wasnât anxious for her date with Harry, she was more anxious about the conversation about when they wanted to tell Celeste that they were pursuing more? Obviously, she would have no problem with it, but she didnât want to jump the gun. Especially with his parents coming for the holidays, she didnât want to make it more than it was because sure, there was love between them, but there was more required to make a relationship work than just love. They were still needing to work through all the stages of a relationship, they couldnât just jump into the deep end. All of her anxiety was building up and she felt that she might have an anxiety attack until she opened her front door for Harry and was met with his kind eyes and beautiful smile. He was holding an interesting little box and he smiled.
âI ummm, brought you some chocolates. These super fancy kinds that apparently are the best in LA.â He said and she smiled.
âThank you.â
âAlso, you look beautiful.â
âAs do you.â She responded, her cheeks still warm from his compliment. âI was about to have nervous breakdown.â She confessed, âBut thatâs gone now.â
âChocolate has that effect on people.â He joked and she giggled.
âLet me set this down and we can go.â
âPerfect.â He agreed and she was back in just a few moments. She locked up and their arms locked as they walked over to his car and in moments they were taking off.
âSo how about I treat you to lunch since youâre treating me to everything else.â She suggested as they drove off.
âIf you really want to.â He smiled as he reached for her hand and she let their fingers intertwine.
âI really do. We can get pho! Itâs chilly out.â
âYeah, perfect.â He agreed and soon she was directing him to a place near to the theater where they would see the ballet.Â
Soon enough they were being seated and looking over the menus, trying yo decide what kind of soups they would get. Diana was getting a bit antsy though; she just wanted to talk to Harry about their plan to share their interest in each other with Celeste. So as soon as the waiter had assured them their food would be out shortly Diana decided to bite the bullet.
âUmmm, Harry.â
âYeah, love?â
âSo as you know, Celeste isâŚrooting for us to be together. Which is great!â She said and he nodded, âBut ummmâŚsheâs getting really curious about who I want to date and I guess Iâm just wondering when we could talk to her about us?â She said and he smiled, âI mean, I know that even though our feelings are deep we still have to learn to be a couple and make time for that, you know?â
âRight.â He agreed.
âSo I just donât know if itâs a good idea to share it with her immediately or if we should wait a bit more? What do you think?â
âI mean, she is quite obnoxious with knowing isnât she?â Harry smiled and Diana giggled and nodded.
âSo annoying, you have no ideaâŚâ she rolled her eyes dramatically.Â
âLike obviously, I want her to know so that she stops insinuating things and throwing hints, you know?â Diana nodded in agreement, âBut I mean, if she knows, do you think sheâll just back off a bit and let us figure it out? Or will she be too excited and try to push things to move along.â
âDefinitely the secondâŚIâm surprised she hasnât been as meddlesome as she typically is.â Diana smiled, âBut ummmâŚlike with your family coming over and stuff, I also donât want to pretend that I donât love and care for you in the way that I do.â She explained.
âYeah, I was thinking about that tooâŚmaybe we just need to be really firm with Celeste and set some boundaries while we figure out our relationship.â
âMmm yeah. Just let her know that as much as she might happy about it, itâs our relationship and we need space to figure that out.â Diana said and he nodded, âLike for example, PDA-â
âI donât know that Iâm comfortable with PDA.â He said and she nodded quickly.
âYeah. Like how we are now is fine. A hug, a kiss on the cheek to say hello and goodbye.â
âYeah, exactly.â He concurred.
âOK goodâŚI know this will sound awfully judgy but Iâve seen howâŚlike Kourtney Kardashian and Travis likeâŚfully make out and grope in front of their kids with reckless abandon and itsâ just soâŚdisgusting?â She said and he laughed, âLike, love that people find their person and whatnot but there are social boundaries to respect for other peopleâs comfort as well and maybe thatâs just me being a prude? But in my mind itâs like, how could I tell my child anything about their behavior when Iâm behaving like that in front of everyone?â
âOh, I fully agree. Lead by example! And well, it can also be traumatizing to kids if theyâre exposed to too much. I know sheâs older and knows more things, but also sheâs seen you being single for most of her life, so Iâm sure even just the bare minimum will be something for her to get used to. So please donât feel the need to up the ante on my account. I wonât be offended if we just stick to how things are for now.â He assured her and she nodded.
âOK, thank you.â She said with relief.
âSo youâŚwatch the Kardashian show?â He asked with a grin and she shrugged.
âWhy deny it?â She smiled and he chuckled.
âHey, sânothing to be ashamed of. I use Henryâs Hulu account just for that! Iâm watching it religiously on Sundays.â He confessed and she giggled.
âSeriously?â
âOh yeah! We can do it together if you want so that Iâm not shouting at my TV all alone when things get heated.â He smiled and she giggled.
âOK, yeah we can plan a little watching party sometime.â She agreed and he nodded. âAnother minor concern I have is that Celeste may already views us as a family unit and would expect a fast transition into more.â
âMmm, yeah.â Harry said, âI can see that happening if she gets overexcited about it.â
âYeah, like I donât want major changes or living arrangements to change unless we get married, you know? LikeâŚwhat if things donât work out like we want, it would be so weird for all of us if we made a move like that too fast.â She explained and he nodded.
âI couldnât agree more. I also wouldnât feel comfortable staying at yours overnight and stuff if we share our relationship with her. I would want complete privacy until we reach a point like marriage where we are ready to have a shared space.âÂ
âYes. I fully agree.â She smiled and he did as well.
âSo basically, we want a very normal escalation in our relationship and we want it as private as possible.â
âCorrect.â Diana confirmed.
âIâm so glad weâre on the same page.â He sighed in relief and she smiled.
âSeems like we always kind of are.â She said and he nodded.
âUmmm, also just to revisit an old topicâŚIf we end up getting married, kidsâŚâ he said and she sighed.
âI still donât want another.â She said and he sighed in relief again.
âOkay, great.â He chuckled, âI mean, I have given it some thought because of us and Celeste but I just think their age gap would be way too big and like honestly, I donât think Iâd ever want to deal with a baby.â He said sincerely and Diana laughed.
âYeah, you really donâtâŚbabies areâŚtoo much in every sense of the word. Thankfully, Celeste developed skills very rapidly because she was mostly around adults growing up, but as soon as she started getting out of the baby phase I was so excited.â
âYou didnât get even a little sad?â
âDefinitely not. It was a lot easier when I knew what she needed from me instead of just guessing which cry meant what.â She explained with a smile, âObviously she was far more active as a toddler, but not in a way that was draining like when she was a baby. I think the sadness and nostalgia has been hitting a lot more now as she grows into her own, independent person. It's a bit sad because sheâs not my little girl any more, but itâs also really nice to see how far sheâs come.â
âYeah, I can imagine.â Harry smiled. âI donât think Iâm missing out if I donât have my own biological child. I like your child as my own, so weâre good in that capacity. Just ummm, just letting you know in case my parents bring it up or something. I know theyâre a bit keen on me having a change of heart, but itâs not going to happen.â
âWell weâre definitely on the same page with that.â She assured him. âI know that hiding things is never a good thing, but I am a bit worried that things might go wrong if weâŚshare this. I donât want anything to go wrong. I love you and IâŚwant you in my life for as long as possible.â She shared and Harryâs hand reached out for hers and took it.
âI love you too and Iâm scared too. Iâm not even going to lie about that.â He said with a nervous smile, âBut I trust you with my heart and with my feelings and I know that weâll do right by each other all the time. I know itâs going to be a bit tricky at first, but weâll get through it together, yeah?â
âYeah.â She smiled.
***********
The ballet had been absolutely breathtaking. Both of them had been on the edge of their seats as they watched the dancers the whole time. They were still quite full from their big bowls of pho, so as they strolled to Harryâs car, hand in hand.
âThat was so worth it.â
âI agree! Thank you so much for inviting me to this Harry.â
âCourse, love.â He smiled. He opened up her door and let her get settled in before he got in as well.
âI shouldâve put Celeste in balletâŚso cool.â She said and he smiled.
âI mean her musicianship is also so cool.âÂ
âThatâs true, sheâs really good at that as well.â Diana said and Harry nodded.
âHonestly, she should consider taking private lessons when she goes to college. Could do session work for record labels and stuff.â
âOoh, youâre rightâŚshe has mentioned it with college before. One of the counselors at her summer camp is a music major.â Diana recalled.
âI know that Iâm not technically her father, but when we get to that stage of things I would love to come with you guys on like tours and things like that.â
âOh of course! You and Damian.â Diana smiled.
âOK, so whatâs our next move?â He asked her, âI was planning for dinner, but are you hungry at all yet?â
âNot at all.â She giggled and he chuckled.
âOK, same. I donât know why the pho bowls are so big even when we got the smalls.â He said and she sighed.
âYeah, itâs always like that though. Ummm, we could go back home to mine or yours? Grace was gonna pick up Celeste from Joshâs. I may haveâŚpacked her an overnight bag just in case.â Diana said and Harry glanced at her with a suggestive look.
âProfessor BeltranâŚâ he teased her and she felt her face going all hot as she giggled and shook her head bashfully.
âOh hushâŚsânot like you werenât hoping for it.â She said and he chuckled and leaned over the console and grabbed her jaw with one hand as he guided his lips over her own.Â
Their kiss started out slow, lethargic almost, drenched with the longing for each other theyâd been repressing. Soon that energy of affection and relief turned completely salacious. Their mouths moved together with urgency, their teeth collided occasionally while theyâd go in to bite and suck at each otherâs lips.
âMmm⌠IâveâŚmissed youâŚso much.â She hummed and he smiled into their kiss.
âMe too, baby.â
âShould we go to yours?â She asked and he nodded. âLetâs go then.â She said and they pulled apart to get home.
Diana had been thinking about the physical aspect of her relationship with Harry for a while now. He had absolutely blown her mind before and she needed that again. She needed him in ways she hadnât needed someone in a long time. She was itching to feel him, skin to skin. The drive to his place couldnât go by any faster, even if theyâd been going 100 miles an hour. She felt hot all over and so impatient. Her hand tightening around his made him smiled.
âSâalright baby, weâll be there soon.â
âNot soon enough.â She mumbled and he smiled.
Harry felt the same way. He obviously loved and cared for her very much, but he was a man with needs. Just as she was a woman with needs. And while Harry had recently indulged in hookups within the last year, she really hadnât apart from the fooling around they had done. He wanted to exceed her expectations like he had the last time she was in his bed. He was fully committed to her and he wanted to show that to her physically as well.Â
They soon made it to his house and the moment the front door closed behind her he was pushing her up against it by her hips as they kissed hungrily. He was helping her slip her coat off while she got out of her heels. He chuckled as suddenly the height difference between them suddenly became too great.
âSorry.â She giggled as she tiptoed to reach his lips better once again, but he was instead scooping her under the bum with his big, strong arms and holding her up level to his face again.
âBetter?â He asked and she nodded.
Diana gently wrapped her legs around his hips to hold on better. One of her arms was looped around his neck and the other she held his jaw with before leaning into another kiss. This one was slower and deeper, shifting the mood from urgent to indulgent. There was still urgency but they werenât going to just jump into it. There was still a sense of urgency, but it was being channeled very differently. They wanted to cherish the time they had right now, to draw it out and take advantage of it. So when Harry was dropping them both into his bed he kissed her as he blindly helped her undress. His kisses started to migrate down her body, giving attention to all of her sensitive spots, making her wriggle and gasp and giggle from the feeling his mouth imparted on the way until he was at the seam of her underwear.
âCan I get these off?â He asked.
âYes, please.â She consented without hesitation and he was quick to remove the thin fabric from her body and shoved it into his pocket before dragging his fingers down her thighs and splaying them open for him to get between her legs. Diana was nearly trembling with anticipation, âPlease, Har- mmm, fuck!â She gasped as his mouth latched over her center in a sloppy kiss and then he got to work. His tongue was working tirelessly on her clit, making her orgasm build steadily as his fingers worked their way into her tight little hole. She was moaning and doing her best to hold still as the combination of the two made her brain start to go all fuzzy and he vision to blur.Â
Harryâs moan of delight and his whispered words of appreciation and encouragement gave her all the more pleasure. It was allowing her to just feel everything he was doing to her all the better. He started pushing in a bit deeper until she gasped as his finger tips opened her up enough to get right against her spot. Her skin had broken out in goosebumps and her breath had hitched. Harry stopped for a second and she assumed he was going to check on her, but truly, he was just giving her a moment before he started rubbing and swirling his fingers into it. She moaned out a joyous sound and couldnât even help it as she writhed beneath him an dug her fingers into his curls. Harry groaned against her as he started to gently suck at her clit until she was tense and trembling beneath him.
âIâm- oh baby, mâgonna come!â She mewled right before she started to fall apart. Dianaâs vision went white and her back arched at this perfectly glorious feelings of warmth that was rippling through her body. She was moaning out with each wave that would form at the depths of her core and travel down to the tips of her toes, causing them to curl as she tried to not wriggle too much beneath him.
But that first orgasm was the hurdle to get over, after that it was easy for Harry to give her a few more orgasms this way. She was trembling and overstimulated, practically incoherent as he coaxed another orgasm out of her with his fingers up against her g-spot. She was panting shakily. She was an absolute sticky mess; her arousal and cum had completely drenched his fingers and the sounds were so sinful every time heâd plunge his fingers inside. Harry was obsessed with swallowing down her greedy pleads for him to keep going.
âYeah, baby? Gonna give me another one?â He asked her and she nodded and whined pitifully before her eyes fluttered shut and he felt her walls contracting around his fingers. âThere you goâŚFuck, youâre making such a big mess.â He hummed as she started to twitch from the oversensitivity. Her hand flew down to his and wrapped around his wrist and he grinned at the feeling of her nails digging into his skin. It was too much for her now. He took the hint and stopped rubbing into her spot and moved his thumb off of her clit. He just left his fingers lodged up inside though, he didnât want her to feel empty yet.
âAre you alright?â He sniggered and she sighed.
âI think soâŚstill- ummm, Iâm still seeing spots.â She confessed quietly.
âFive orgasmsâll do that to you.â He chuckled and she groaned.
âFive?â She sighed and he chuckled and leaned down to kiss her lips.
âMhmm.â He confirmed, âI may have gotten a little carried away.â He admitted a bit bashfully.
âI think I can forgive you for this one.â Diana said tiredly and he chuckled. âBut now sâyour turn so-â
âIf I wore you out too much we donât have to.â He assured her and she smiled.
âYou did wear me out, but thatâll just make me last a bit longer soâŚyouâre in for a ride.â She whispered and he chuckled.
âFiguratively or literally?â He asked her and Diana bit her lip.
âUmmm, whichever you prefer.â She responded timidly. âI could get on top. IâmâŚway out of practice but ummm, if we start out like that I canâŚlearn how you like it.â She reasoned and he swore his entire stomach flipped with excitement. She wanted to learn how he liked it because they were on their way to being a couple. For real this time.Â
âYeah, but only if youâre not too tired for it.â He assured her once more and she smiled.
âMânot. Letâs just ummm, get you undressed.â She said timidly and he nodded and gave her one more peck to her lips before he knelt up to get started. âIâll do it.â She said and he smiled as she rolled out of his bed to get this task underway.
Diana had him stand as she reached up and undid the buttons of his shirt. His hands were on her hips, fingers sinking into her suppled skin as her lips trailed down his jaw and neckâŚthen his chest and tummy⌠then she was kissing down his abs as her fingers reached his belt. She knelt and glanced up at him and he nodded his approval for her to continue. And with his consent she was quick to unfasten it before sliding her hands up his thighs, palming over his erection that tucked against his left thigh. She kissed down his happy trail and reared back to put her focus on his button and zipper. Her fingers were quick in their task and soon enough, Harryâs eager hands were helping her get his pants down along with his briefs. And sure, she was overcome with this wave of anxiety once more, but she pushed it aside and grabbed his erection in the palm of her soft, warm hand.
She glanced up at him and Harryâs eyebrows were knitted together as he watched her stroking his cock at a leisurely pace. He was quite big and he watched her considering getting him in her mouth.
âYou can get me in your mouth, love.âÂ
âYeah?â She asked and he nodded eagerly. With that she had him sit on the bed and she walked the short distance over on her knees before getting him back in her hand. She gave a few strokes before dipping down and then she pulled back up. âUmmm, Iâm veryâŚout of practice in this s-so if you want to guide me how y-you prefer it then-â
âYeah, donât worry. Iâll tell you, yeah?â She nodded, âSure you want to do this?â
âSo badly.â She smiled and he chuckled and thumbed over her cheek before she dipped down.Â
She gave the length of him one full lick from base to tip before licking around his tip. And after a moment of that she just placed his tip into her mouth and sucked. The tension in his thighs and the soft groan that left his mouth were enough to tell her she was doing something he liked. She sunk down, feeling confident to take more and thatâs when Harry grabbed her hair and it made her mind go fuzzy so she sunk down further and gagged when he hit the back of her mouth.
âFuckâŚâ he sighed and pulled her up a bit, âBaby, you might get greedy and want to take more and more, but you donât have tâtake it all, love.â He said and she glanced up at him and he just about melted to see her tearful eyes, âIâm quite big, yeah?â He asked and she hummed in agreement, and her walls fluttered around absolutely nothing just from hearing him say how big he was. âSo I know sâgonna take some getting used to.â He assured her, âOnly go as far as is comfortable for you right now, sâstill feels so good for me. Love that hot little mouth so much already and how you rub your tongue under the tipâŚfuck, just like that.â He smiled before biting on his lip, âThatâs good, baby.â He encouraged her.Â
He loved the feeling of pleasure bubbling up inside of his tummy and spreading through his body. He couldât believe how quickly he was getting ready to burst. Sure this wasnât extraordinarily super human head, but it was from the person he loved, and not only that, but her first in a while and he loved knowing that she wanted this with him, thatâs what got him off.
âYou can stroke what doesnât fit with your handâŚyeah, like that. Fuck, thatâs-thatâs absolutely perfect, baby. You can even suck a little harder if you want mânot made of glass.â He assured her and she gave a harder suck and the moan that left his throat had her covered in goosebumps, âOh shitâŚshit thatâs so fucking good, Di.â He whined as he pulled her up and down by her hair, setting a pace that would have him on the edge in no time. He had been quite dry over the last several months, so he knew that if he came itâd be a big one that just proved hard to recover from and he didnât want to stop her, but he just needed to let her know.
âBaby, mâso closeâŚi-if you want to have sex I shouldnât come yet, sâ been a while and I donât think Iâll-oh fuck, wanna last for you fâyou want to tonight.â He said and she gently pulled off. Her eyes met his and she smiled.
âI still want to.â She assured him and he smiled.
âSure?âÂ
âVery sure.â She assured him and he helped her up.
âLet me get a condom-â
âDid you reverse your vasectomy?â She asked with a giggle and he shook his head.
âNo, but ummm, just in case yâdonât want me to likeâŚactually finish inside.â
âIs it crazy if I want you to?â She asked and he bit his lip and shook his head.
âI donât think so.â He said, âBut then again, Iâm a little biased.â He chuckled and she smiled.
âWell if you want to and I want to thenâŚsâfine I suppose.â She shrugged and he smiled.
âYeah?â
âYeah.â She confirmed.
With that he scooped her up from the edge of the bed and dropped her at the top half of it before he straddled her lap and kissed her deeply. His hands felt at the curves of her body, groping at her breasts, tweaking her nipples, feeling her buildâŚHarry was obsessed with every inch of her.
Diana felt the same about him. She loved the feel of his muscular and lean body up against her own. His skin was so warm and soft to the touch. His back muscles were so pronounced, she couldnât stop feeling them under her fingers as his cock slipped between her folds, getting drenched up in her arousal for him. She did want to be on top, so when she pushed against his shoulder he got the hint and wrapped his arm around her waist before turning them over without a hitch. Her hands smoothed down from his shoulders to his pecs, they were big and sturdy, she loved the tickles from the smattering of hair he had against them. She had a weakness for body hair. She ground into him and gasped when his tip nudged against her clit, still so sensitive from before. But she was aching for it, she was hurting to feel all full of him.
âCan I?â She asked and he nodded.
âYeah, whenever youâre ready.â He said and she bit her lip as she pressed herself to sit up.
She asked Harry to sit up as well and soon he was propped up against his headboard stroking himself a couple times as Diana just made the decision to bite the bullet. She wanted this with him. In the depths of her heart she knew that he was the person sheâd been waiting for all along. There was no need to be scared of what this meant for them, she wasnât just giving her body to some random. This was Harry, the man she loved, the man who loved her back and who had waited for her. Who had been so patient and understanding. The person who hurt for her the way sheâd been hurting for him. Fate had allowed everything to fall into a perfect place where they could finally be what they were meant to be. With that in mind she guided her body over his own perfectly and started to lower herself over him. She could feel his thick tip crowning into her entrance and she just wanted it to give way so badly. So she directed more of her weight downwards until the tight ring of muscles gave way and stretched around his girth. They both moaned in unison at the feeling of their bodies connecting in that way. Theyâd both been craving it for so long and it was finally happening.Â
âFuck baby, you feel so good!â She gasped as he thrusted up against her and she started to grind down into his lap.Â
âYou too, love. Fuck, feels. So. goodâŚâ He grunted as he kissed at her neck. She hugged around his head, letting him nestle his face against her neck as he tightened his hold around her waist, keeping her body flush to his. âFuck, youâre doing everything right, keep grinding like that, feels so fucking nice.â He praised, his toes already starting to curl.Â
Diana was reeling from the pressure inside of her, he was up against that spot heâd completely ravaged earlier and it was making her skin covered in goosebumps. Over and over, with each grind she was feeling his tip kissing that deep part of her that was making her tummy swell with flutters and for her breathing to quicken. She couldnât even speak, just moan his name and slur curses when heâd drive up into her hard. She was trying to last for him, but when he snuck a hand between them to rub at her clit, her unraveling began. Her moves over him were getting erratic, but he corrected and guided her pace as they continued building their orgasms together.
âGetting close, yeah?â He panted and she nodded and gasped as he stilled deep inside, âCan feel itâŚfuck, I feel you squeezing so hard. Youâre gonna make me comeâŚfuck, gonna get such a big fucking load, baby.â He huffed and she moaned in anticipation.
âPlease Harry, please. I want it so bad!â She pleaded, adding a slight bounce to her movements. Her ears were starting to ring and her vision going blurry as she knocked her head back, gasping for air.
âFuck baby, just-just a few more secondsâŚmâright thereâŚâ he gritted out and finally he was right up at the edge with her, âOh fuck, Iâm gonna come. Come with me, Di. Please baby, come with me.â He panted desperately.Â
She just gasped and her breathing hitched as she reached the peak and then suddenly the most salacious moan left her mouth as she started to come undone. It was an explosion of tingles and euphoria that was making her brain malfunction. She was trembling as he held her down against him, she could feel his cock throbbing, spilling his seed into her, making a mess of them both. He was moaning against her throat, panting against her sweaty skin, holding her as if she was his only tether to reality. It was perfect. They went through their highs together, speechless and completely satisfied. And moments later they were coming down through it together. Their bodies were trembling, their emotions were heightened, their minds a puddle of mush. But despite all of those things, the one thing that they could fully trust was their gut. And Dianaâs gut told her that this was it.
âI love you so much.â She whispered as she kissed the side of Harryâs head.
âI love you, Di.â Harry mumbled against the column of her throat at the exact same time. They were quiet for a beat before they both giggled and pulled back to look at each other. When Harry looked into her tearful eyes he couldnât help but feel overwhelmed. He hadnât ever loved like this before.
âI promise you, weâre going to have a long and wonderful life together, Diana.â He said and she smiled. âI know itâs hard for you to let people in, so thank you for letting me in. I complete you and you complete me, love.â He said and she nodded and sniffled. âCouldnât possibly go on without my other half, could I?â He asked and she sputtered on a cry and kissed his lips.
âSâgonna be so good.â She mumbled against his lips and he smiled and kissed her once more.
âIt is.â He said with conviction.
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Meticulously writing out a list of 2023 new years resolutions
Realizing I didn't achieve a single one from 2022
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(lounging on the therapistâs couch) Things first changed for me when I realised Luo Binghe was just a shy boy with a crush whoâd tripped and fallen into the 2012 Wattpad Harry Styles Edward Cullen Bad Boy costume and now has to perform that role for the sake of his reputation. Letâs take, say, the proposalâthe poor man was so afraid his father-teacher-mommy would reject him! He was shaking and trembling on the floor like a ratty dog begging for a morsel of food, just a crumb of Shizussy. I guess I get it, you know, since Shizun is intimidating in his endless beauty, grace and wisdom, and gathering the courage to offer marriage to him while looking up and into those all-knowing, bewitching eyes is a gargantuan task that very few could withstand the pressure of. I honestly admire Binghe for not just melting into the floor, truly. And letâs not forget Madam Meiyinâs second appearance, which just confirms my hypothesis that heâs still that wide-eyed 17 year old with just a bit of a possesive streak, of course caused by the unspeakable trauma thatâ Hey. Why arenât you writing this down?
#svsss#luo binghe#bingqiu#have we talked about the fact that luo binghe is cute yet#we should talk about that#svsss therapy#.txt
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A Balancing Act | Ch. 1*
Series Summary: Harry is a famous, rich, handsome, pop star and heâs been in therapy since his boy band days. When he meets Y/n, a beautiful and successful artist, he cannot take no for an answer when it comes to her. Heâs determined to make her his even if he has to bend the rules a little at first.
Chapter Summary: Meeting Harry Styles at the hotel she was staying at was a surprise. But to have him invite her to his room for a drink was unexpected.
Warning: smut
Word Count: 17,748
Commissioned by @cinnamonone (thank you!! xoxo)
A Balancing Act Masterlist
Harry remembers the days when he used to go into his therapistâs office for his sessions. But after fame hit the paps knew where he was going, learned his schedule, and he was constantly bombarded. And of course, the fans caught on so thereâd be screaming people trying to get his attention as he hopped from his car to the back entrance.
Lately, though, sheâd been coming to his house instead. She charged more for in-house visits but Harry wasnât bothered by the extra cost. Her time and flexibility were worth it to him so heâd happily pay the added fee.
They normally sat in his office together for the sessions. It was always like chatting with a close colleague when heâd have her over. Harry would usually have pastries and green juice or matcha to share and theyâd talk about their week. Sheâd even talk to him about hers a little. Which always made him feel so comfortable around her. It invited him to really open up and he learned to be vulnerable with her over time.
He'd been seeing her since his One Direction days which meant in-person visits werenât always possible if he was traveling, but Pat took a lot of late-night calls and FaceTime time sessions over the years. And Harry trusted her more than he trusted most people. Sheâd earned his trust. Sheâd heard his deepest, darkest secrets and knew all the dirty details about all of his past loves and flings. She wasnât a sex therapist but she often gave him advice that helped him in that department.
And today she was doing just that. Listening to him drone on about his last lover, the older woman with two children who left her fiancĂŠ to be with him. He felt bad about everything in their relationship â from the beginning, he knew it wasnât going to last and it was only meant to be a quick fling. But then he did develop feelings (Harry loved to fall in love and it was usually quite messy) against his better judgment. And then when she left the father of her children it became even more complicated.
âI just felt like I owed her. Sheâd given up so much for me and it was crazy of me to feed into that. I should have told her then and there that we wouldnât end up together but I think a part of me just wanted to have the stability. But instead, it just dragged on for too long.â Harry had recently seen her at an event and she ignored him, just as he ignored her, but that didnât mean it didnât affect him because here he was in therapy with Pat talking about her.
Pat tapped her pen on her notepad and nodded. Sheâd heard all this before. But the guilt he felt was continually bubbling up and pouring out in their sessions even though theyâd been broken up for the better part of a year.
âHarry, letâs talk about that. The stability part. Do you feel like you still need to be in a relationship to be stable? Weâve worked on this in the past and it sounds like thatâs still a constant in your romantic attitude.â
Harry knew he was someone that just loved being with someone. Long-term, a week, a night⌠he just enjoyed the attention and he loved giving attention. And he was good at it. Well, he gave a lot of himself even if the relationship wasnât serious. Thatâs just how he was.
âI know I need to be more confident to be alone and not have someone in my bed or my life all the time. I mean, I havenât even had sex in like, a month.â
Pat laughed and shook her head, âI know Harry. And probably the whole world too. I know how hard that is for you â to never be able to have any privacy even if itâs just something fun," she paused as nodded, "And so a month... That's not really that long, but Iâm assuming youâre referring to the model you were with in Tokyo about month ago? Pictures of you two were plastered everywhere.â
Harry nodded and chuckled, âOh yeah. That was just⌠we were drunk so I wasnât careful but I had fun ya know? I just want to be able to have fun and not deal with the public knowing that we probably fucked. Or all the weird speculation. Itâs not anyoneâs business. Sometimes I make mistakes and get caught in public but itâs tiresome. I want to be able to go out and do normal things but I canât.âÂ
Again, these were all things Pat knew about and had heard verbatim. She truly felt for him, though. Was even protective of him as if he were her son. Harry was so charming and likable and just a genuinely nice person that it was hard not to feel like he needed protecting at times.
But what could she do? He was a grown man now. A grown man who enjoyed love and all the kinds of things that went with it. But more than that he loved his job. Which was where the biggest problem lie. Harryâs job was a drawback for most people heâd attempted a relationship with. Some could handle the long distance, the frequent flights and stays at hotels, eating and dressing and showering on the road, screaming fans, women and men throwing themselves at him, stalking him, feeling entitled to his attention when he was out in public eating breakfast.
And heâd never give any of it up for a relationship. But that didnât make it easy. Harry hardly remembered what it used to be like before he became famous. He was catapulted into the limelight as a teenager and was in one of the most popular boybands the world had ever known. But when he went off on his own for a solo career, assembled a talented group for his band, cut off his long hair, and began writing songs and crooning in well-fitted suits in small venues and theaters his fame rose year by year. Every album he put out was more popular than the one before.
With fame came flocks of fans. Who were willing to do nearly anything to get a glimpse up close of the charming boy with big green eyes, sweet dimples, and a deep voice. So yeah. Relationships suffered.
âYou always have the option to just stop. Finish off your contract and then forget about fame. But you donât want that. So doing normal things in public will be hard while youâre so famous.â
âI know. I wouldnât want to stop. I love what I do. Just wish I had more privacy.â
âBut Iâm proud that youâre not isolating like you did for a while there. Wouldnât even answer my calls for some time. Remember? Youâre doing okay now, though. I think youâre improving. Your fame continues to grow and you are adjusting to it.â
Harry nodded, âYeah. That was a rough go. Not being able to see family or close friends during the pandemic really got to me. I am still surprised by how I responded to that all that. Doesnât feel like that was me, you know? Feels like such a long time ago.â
âIt affected many people in ways they hadnât realized it would. People who had never struggled with depression or drug use before had to fight for their lives to get better.â
âYeah⌠I was just alone with all those thoughts. Missing⌠her. I even called her one night. Donât remember the conversation because I had taken sleep pills right before but saw that Iâd called her the night before when I looked through my phone. Realized it was bad then.â
âCamille?â
Harry shifted in his seat and sighed. He didnât like to say her name. That had been the hardest breakup. Because he really loved her. It no longer stung like it used to but he thought of her often, âShe had a boyfriend of course. Still does. And heâs far better for her. Can go with her whenever and wherever. And I couldnât because I was so busy. And she couldnât come with me either because sheâs got her own acting and modeling career. Just⌠Iâm okay with that all now. But there were nights when I was alone in that big house and I couldnât stop picking apart all the things that went wrong between us.â
âToo much time to think. Even I dealt with overthinking and dwelling.â
Harry glanced at Pat and smiled, âWeâre all so similar. Us humans. Even we can surprise ourselves at times by torturing our brains and combing over details long past.â
Pat was proud of how insightful Harry was and how far he'd come.
. . .
Harryâs next show was in Chicago. He was getting himself pumped up for stage time. His outfit was being tailored once again, his hair styled, a bit of bronzer and highlighter, moisturizer on his arms and torso, lips stained a deep berry shade, nails painted lavenderâŚ
Music and his fans and being on stage were Harryâs favorite things. Well, he had another favorite thing that he could have that very night. It was easy when he was on stage and singing his heart out. A little eye contact and a raised brow to the cute curvy girl with the big tits at the front of pit, a hand wave and a wink, a tequila ordered for the pretty blond in the balcony seats he had a good view of, or calling out the tall guy in the middle of his concert and continually flirting with him in front of thousands (millions after the videos made it to social media). It was easy. Harry just had it so he could really have his pick, for the most part. If he wanted.
And like every one of his sets, at the end he was exhausted yet pumped with adrenaline. Meeting some of his lucky fans and taking pictures backstage was par for the course. Nothing out of the ordinary for a night after a concert.
But he had another show the following evening and so Jeff was giving him the signal it was time to head out and get back to his hotel so he could call it a night. The morning of a show was always early for rehearsing, a good workout, an ice bath, meditationâŚ
Harry was ushered into the back entrance of the posh hotel he was staying at and used the freight elevator to get to the top floor to his room without anyone seeing him. Which he hated. He hated having to hide and duck away from fans. Hated being treated like a big secret no matter where he went. But on the other side of the coin, he cherished his privacy so it was necessary.
Jeff left him alone after Harry settled into his suite. He had the TV on and was about to call his mom because sheâd be up at that time, but then there was a knock at his door. It was past 12:30 am so he couldnât imagine who it would be.
Harry slowly opened the door to see a hotel employee standing with a bouquet of flowers, âThese were sent here earlier, Mr. Styles, but we forgot to put them in your room. My apologies for the mistake.â
Harry took the bouquet and smiled at the young man, slipping him a tip and telling him not to worry.
Pulling the card out of the flowers he put the lovely bouquet down on the buffet and opened it to find out who it was from.
âWe miss you, H. Hope youâre well. Love XXâ
It was his ex. The one heâd wasted nearly two years with. Heâd gotten to know her children and this card was meant to pull at his heartstrings with the âwe miss youâ. And it worked. The guilt built up again. He didnât miss her or their relationship, but the guilt he carried for everything that happened to them during and even after was upsetting. He just wished his life was truly private like a normal guy. And then maybe he could move on and get real closure.
And against Jeffâs advice, Harry decided to go down to the hotel bar by himself which would be open for another couple of hours. A drink would help. Maybe a chat with someone nice. He hoped there werenât any crazy fans down there but heâd rather risk that than sitting alone in his suite for another minute.
The bar was mostly empty. There were a few couples at tables, some individuals sitting and drinking at the bar. Harry grabbed a small table near the front with a good view of the bar and was greeted quickly to get his order.
He looked around casually and realized no one seemed to notice him. It felt nice. A moment of peace in public without anyone snapping photos or taking videos.
Across from his small table was a woman he suddenly took note of. She was dressed smartly. A silky green blouse tucked into charcoal trousers. She was looking at her phone and sipping a cocktail of some sort. She was pretty with delicate features and he couldnât help himself when he noticed her pretty round bottom taking up the stool she sat on. Harry wasnât a pervert but he had the perfect view of her. He was just a man after all and he appreciated beautiful women and men at times.
The server brought his drink to him and grinned widely, âEnjoy your whisky neat, Mr. Styles.â
Suddenly the woman turned her head and made eye contact with Harry. Her eyes widened before she quickly looked back down at her phone. She recognized him. Harry knew right away. But he was intrigued that she looked away. He decided to get her attention.
âWish I could do that.â
The woman lifted her head and turned to look at Harry, confusion on her face as she looked behind herself and then back to Harry, âSorry, are you speaking to me?â
Harry chuckled, âOf course I am.â
She set her cell phone down and tilted her head as she turned toward him, âYou wish you could do what?â
Harry nodded toward the cell phone she had on the table, âScroll through social media so casually.â
She stitched her brows together as she looked down at her phone and then back to Harry, âWhat makes you think I was scrolling through social media?â
Harry laughed and he guessed that was a fair question, âYouâre right. I guess I donât know what youâre looking at. Sorry if I offended,â he lifted his glass up toward her and then took a sip.
She smiled and lifted her own glass and then took a sip in response.
But now Harry was very interested. He wondered what she was looking at but also found her response to be refreshing. Instead of fawning she was smart and snappy with him. Even though she clearly recognized him, she wasnât giggling and asking for an autograph or a photo.
He stood up and took a chance to ask if he could join her. He knew it was gutsy but he was rarely turned down and the woman was intriguing.
âMind if I sit here with you? A little company is nice.â
Now Y/n was very much feeling her nerves peak when she realized Harry Styles was sitting next to her table. And then heâd made conversation with her. She was surprised he was speaking to her at all and now here he was asking to sit with her. She had no reason to say no. So when she nodded and he pulled the stool out that was closest to hers and placed his whisky on the table she swallowed down the bubbling nerves and called on her natural self-confidence. She was a confident woman. She was successful and lived a good life that she worked hard for. She was smart and grounded. But she was also hyper-aware that she was not his type. So even if for the briefest moment she thought she caught him looking at her ass she had to have been wrong.
Their conversation was surprisingly fascinating to her. She imagined heâd have a lot of things to say but she didnât realize he was such a deep and interesting person. His insight was very spot on and he was sensitive and a good listener.
When the server came over and told them it was last call they both ordered one more drink. Y/n wasnât ready to call it a night and neither was Harry.
âSo, what are you here for, in Chicago, exactly?â
âOh, there is an art show this weekend. I, uh⌠I have a bunch of my pieces at the Carrie Secrist Gallery right now.â
Harry paused. She mentioned she was an artist but he didnât realize she was here for work, âWow. Really? Carrie Secrist Gallery,â he said the name of the gallery quietly as if to catalog the information, âSo will you be here tomorrow night again?â
âYes. Booked the room for the weekend. I leave Sunday afternoon. Hopefully, my work gets all sold so I donât have to repack and ship it back home.â
Harry nodded and watched her lips as she spoke and then her eyes. He couldnât stop from letting his gaze drop to her plush lips. And Y/n noticed it too. It had her palms sweating. Maybe it was just the alcohol.
âWould you want to come to my show tomorrow evening? I can get you some really good seats â two if youâd like to bring anyone. Iâd love it if you came. Maybe after we could do this again,â he gestured around them.
She was momentarily stunned. It was so out of the blue, unexpected. But it was also only an invitation to his concert. Which⌠still⌠this was a personal invite from Harry Styles and an opening to see him afterward which was quite something.
His green eyes and the smile on his pink lips were so close to her. She felt like suddenly with the way he was eyeing her that perhaps there was more to his invite. Sheâd been pushing that feeling down since he asked to sit with her but now it was glaring. Obvious. It was obvious that he was seeking something else. Maybe a quick one-night thing before he left for his next destination.
âWhat time would I need to get there?â
âShow starts at 7 with the opener.â
âHmm⌠the gallery where I'm showing my art doesn't close til 7. Iâd be getting there too late-â
âWell just come after thatâs over. Iâd still love to see you even if youâre a little late.â
She nodded and tried to rationalize everything. Could she really do this? Perhaps it was nothing at all but this didnât feel like nothing and her instincts were usually spot on. She had no reason to say no except that he was super famous and what would it all look like logistically? But looking back at his face she just saw a handsome, confident man. There didnât need to be any strings attached or consequences. It could be fun, âSure. That could work. But it would just be me. Anyone Iâd want to bring wouldnât be able to make it in time for tomorrow night.â
Harryâs grin widened and his famous dimples dug into his cheeks, âEven better.â
. . .
Y/n had a hard time sleeping that night. She was hoping to have a couple of drinks to wind down after the adrenaline of the gallery showing. Her evening had been excellent. She sold some of her most expensive pieces, had a fabulous dinner with the curator and a couple of other artists, and then met and had drinks with Harry Styles.
The following day at the gallery she was on fire as well. Her good mood was contagious and every one of her paintings sold. She was asked to dinner again after the gallery closed but this time she declined, citing a concert to get to as her reason for skipping out.
She received a text halfway through her day as promised with a link to the details of her ticket retrieval at the will-call window. Lifting her phone up to the person manning the booth she showed them the QR code and watched on as they called someone and got off the phone, âJust wait here for a moment. Someoneâs coming to get you.â
Being ushered into the back of the venue and then through a hallway she followed behind the man until he finally led her to an area with balcony seating and a good view of the stage, âMr. Styles has said anything youâd like is on him. Can I get you a drink?â
Y/n still felt like it was so surreal to be here at a Harry Styles show on personal invitation and now being offered something to drink. On. Him.
âIs chardonnay on the menu?â
The man nodded and left in the blink of an eye.
Harry wasnât on the stage yet. The opener was just finishing up and the crowd was full of young girls dressed in brightly colored, outfits. Lots of feathers and fringe and glitter and rhinestones.
The man returned with a glass of chardonnay as Y/n looked out over the crowd and leaned over the balcony. She wasnât sure what to expect when she arrived but her spot had a good view and she was happy she wasnât down amongst all the pretty young things in front of the stage below.
The moment Harry came on the energy in the room was thick and everything was all about Harry. Fans with signs, lots of screaming, and most everyone sang along.
She couldnât help but to dance and sing a little. The excitement and his enthusiasm spilled over everyone. Including her. Y/n noticed that it looked like Harry was watching her from the stage. Heâd look up toward where she was with a grin often enough that it made her wonder. She thought perhaps he was smiling and looking toward someone else but it was definitely her because she watched as he mimicked her awful attempt at dancing by twirling around and shaking his hips exaggeratedly. She felt her face grow warm when some of the fans began to look up toward the balcony where she stood. Luckily there were other people where she was (who she later found out all had tickets from members of the band â a sort of VIP section for friends and family) so it wasnât immediately obvious it was her he was grinning at.
The entire concert felt like a whirlwind. Harryâs charisma and style of entertainment were so contagious and exciting. Y/n felt like she was on adrenaline as she was being led backstage. The area was bustling as well. Lots of fans, mostly young girls, a table with small bites and beverages, and sitting areas.
She saw a couple of the band members taking photos with a group of people and then she heard shrieks and turned toward the commotion. There he was flocked by a group of fans and taking photos with one or two at a time. His smile was dazzling, genuine. She noted that heâd changed out of his stage outfit into a pair of basketball shorts and a sweater. He looked so casual in his outfit, yet there was no mistaking that this man commanded the room. That he was the star everyone wanted a piece of.
Y/n decided to keep herself occupied and look around while she waited for Harry to free up a bit. She wasnât quite sure heâd really be seeing her afterward like he mentioned the night before. And the text she received earlier with the ticket details came from an automated six-digit number separated by a dash in between. Which made sense because he probably didnât want her to have his number.
But sheâd stick around to at least say hi.
âYou came. Thank you,â Y/n turned to see the man behind her, with his handsome grin looking right at her.
âOh, well, of course! Figured why not? It was a great concert by the way!â
They chatted for only a few minutes before they were interrupted again. Harry gave Y/n a look of apology, âMeet me at the hotel bar in like an hour?â
âOkay. I will try to be there in an hour,â she was going to just say absolutely yes, 100% sheâd be there but that all sounded a little too desperate for her taste. She preferred to keep things level. And who knew if heâd even show up?
In her room, Y/n went back and forth between changing into something more comfortable or just keeping her current outfit on. She decided to keep on what she had and instead freshened up her hair and dotted on the smallest bit of undereye concealer.
It had been a while since sheâd been interested in anyone. And she didnât know what Harry wanted but the night before she was picking up certain vibes. She could be wrong. Perhaps sheâd misread the whole situation. But she thought it could be fun to get out a little. Try and move on from the trauma of her last relationship. She tried not to think of it when she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Moving on had been something sheâd been attempting to do for a while. A fun night with a handsome pop star could help a little. If thatâs where things led. Hopefully.
At the bar, she ordered soda water to start. She didnât want to get sloppy, just in case it turned into something more than just a friendly chat. It was around the time Harry said heâd meet her. Sheâd give him a little leeway since he had just gotten finished putting on a concert for thousands of adoring fans.
But when another thirty minutes had passed she checked her phone to find that there was nothing from him and no sign of his cute dimples in the bar anywhere either.
She waved at the bartender, âIâll have a glass of house chardonnay please.â
She figured she might as well have one more glass of wine for the evening before calling it a night.
Looking at Instagram while she waited for her drink she realized she had a dm. It was from Dante. An artist she hit it off with at her last showing. Theyâd been messaging back and forth a bit but nothing had come of it. He lived a few hours away from her so getting together again hadnât really been brought up. Except now.
Hey, Iâll be heading your way for an art exhibit soon. Would love to catch up in person if youâre free. Would you be interested in seeing me again? Iâll let you know when Iâll be in town when I find out more.
Smiling she began to type her response when the bartender placed her glass of wine down along with an envelope with her name written on the front.
She looked up at the young man in question
âConcierge handed this to me right after you ordered.â
âBut how did you know this was for me?â She lifted the envelope up and flipped it over to open it up.
âBecause I have your credit card with your name on it when you started your tab. Plus they described you. Itâs from a very special guest Iâm told.â
A very special guest.
She pulled her lips into her mouth to hide the grin that was about to take over as she looked around the bar, still, with no sign of Harry.
Pulling out the contents of the envelope she took a sip of her wine.
Sorry, I ran late. Take a drink in my room with me? p1900 - H
Blinking her eyes she felt her pulse pick up as she folded the note and tucked it into her purse. She gulped down another bit of chardonnay and grinned to herself, already having completely forgotten about Dante.
So she had read this right. The nerves in her belly bubbled up as she waved at the bartender, Check please!â
After making a pitstop at her room to really âfreshenâ up she realized that the floors stopped off at 8. After that was P.
Penthouse.
Hitting the P, she leaned her back into the wall as the elevator took her to the top floor.
The moment she stepped out of the elevator she was greeted by a man, âCan I help you, maâam?â
âOh!â She suddenly remembered who she was dealing with. Harry Styles, a world-famous, A-list pop star. Of course, heâd have security. âYes, I uh⌠Harry invited me up-â She reached into her purse and pulled out the note, âHere.â
The man unfolded the note and then looked at her with a smile, âY/n?â
So heâd told them her nameâŚ
She nodded as he handed the note back to her, âFollow me.â
She figured this was something Harry had done before; had people brought to his room. The occasional one-night stand. Some fun for the weekend.
The man knocked at the door and only a handful of seconds passed before Harry was standing in the doorway, wearing the same after-concert outfit heâd been wearing when she left the venue earlier.
He smiled at her, âCome in,â and then looked at the man, âThanks, Shamus.â
The suite was huge. That was no surprise. Sheâd seen a few nice suites in her days. Being an artist wasnât always so lucrative but she was always invited to the good after parties. She had a lot of artsy fartsy friends, some very well-off.
âIâm really sorry about being so late. I just got caught up and then before I realized the time it was too late. Iâm glad you were still at the bar.â
âYeah,â she said as she walked around toward the sitting area with the large woven rug and plush couches, âabout that⌠what if I wasnât in the bar? I was about to go back to my room.â
âWell, then I guess we would have missed one another. That would have been a shame.â
âBut you have my number. You could have reached out.â
Harry scratched the back of his neck as she sat down. She was acting far more confident than she really was. But this was part of what she did. She was constantly put into situations where she needed to be confident and sell herself. Her art was an extension of herself. So when she needed to make some sales at shows and galleries she learned just how to do that. Her art sold itself for the most part. But there were enough people who wanted her story. Sometimes, she was what sold her piece. Sheâd do whatever it took to not be a starving artist anymore.
âI know I could have. But⌠I hope you donât take offense. I have a rule not to give out my number so easily. Not that I think youâd use it to do anything but Iâve just had some really bad experiences. People Iâve trusted have betrayed me and changing my number is something I have nightmares about,â he laughed as sat down next to her on the couch.
She laughed with him. She actually could sort of understand it. Being a woman was like that in a way. Giving out her number to someone could be risky. It was a gamble to have her information out there with someone she didnât know well.
âIâm not offended. But I really thought youâd changed your mind. Though, in all honesty,â she stretched her arms overhead with a yawn and leaned back into the very shockingly comfortable couch, âI was sort of looking forward to my bed. Iâm exhausted.â
Harry leaned back and draped his leg over his knee, âI know what you mean. If I were you Iâd much prefer a comfy bed than to spend any time with me either,â he laughed and then put his arm along the back of the couch, âbut really⌠if youâre tired, donât feel pressure to stay. I am glad youâre here, though.â
There it was. He gave her the choice. So he could have the green light. The thumbs up. He was clever. Telling her she didnât have to stay but also letting her know he wanted her there. The ball was in her court.
âIâm curious as to why you think Iâm interesting enough to invite back to your room for a drink, of which Iâve not yet been offered,â she teased with a chuckle. She didnât want to seem like some pushover but at the same time, she felt a little flirty. Sheâd had such a good night at the gallery and she hadnât been alone with a man nearly as attractive as Harry in⌠well, sheâd never been alone with a man as attractive as Harry. And he was very much giving off the air of flirty himself. The way he kept putting his finger up to his lip, the eye contact, his arm reaching across the couch behind her⌠His body language was a dead giveaway.
 âYou donât think youâre interesting?â
Y/n smiled. He was good. Of course that was a good line to use on someone he didnât know. She was wondering something very specific that heâd yet to admit. That she was there for some fun. A quick romp. He had a need that he wanted filled and so did she. The reason heâd asked her to his room was for that. Yet he insisted on playing coy.
âI know Iâm interesting. But you donât know me. So why is it that youâve asked me here?â She raised her brows at him as he stood and walked to the buffet across the room.
âI felt comfortable with you from the start. Itâs nice to have a conversation with someone new once in a while. Not someone in the industry,â Harry turned back with a bottle of wine in one hand and two glasses in his other, âand sorry I didnât offer you a drink. Wine?â
Nodding her head she watched as Harry sat back down next to her, a little closer this time as he uncorked the bottle and poured two glasses.
Clinking their glasses together Harry sat back into the couch again. The silence had been a little awkward as he poured their drinks and Y/n was feeling a bit unsettled. She wasnât sure what to say. As confident as she normally could be, this was getting very real and her mind wouldnât stop wandering to what would be happening in thirty minutes or an hour from then. Would he be really going all in with her? Trying to get laid? She wouldnât mind it, not at all. Sheâd happily let Harry Styles fuck her if he wanted. But would he be thinking about how her thighs and her tummy were plump and soft (mushy really was the better descriptor)?
Sheâd looked up his past exes because what else would one do before meeting up one on one with Harry Styles? She knew it was a bad idea but once she got a peep of some of the women heâd been with in the past⌠well, she certainly didnât fit that mold. She didnât think she was ugly. Not at all. But she wasnât a model. She wasnât a hot body, lush-haired, perfectly put-together wealthy woman of the world.
She was an artist. She made a good living nowadays, but nothing crazy. She lived in the Midwest USA and would go six months without getting her haircut, much less even visiting for a style. She dressed cute, she thought, but not high fashion. Not with leather, and silk, and cashmere and braided linen⌠Her makeup style was a crapshoot. She wore a nice, tinted moisturizer (with sunscreen because she couldnât be bothered with the extra step), cream blush, mascara, and if she was going out, red lipstick. That was her bold makeup move. Red lips. Contouring was a foreign concept to her.
âThe wine is good. Thanks,â she said lifting her glass up before taking another sip.
âOh yeah. I enjoy a little wine once in a while. Not really much of a connoisseur but this is one of my favorite red blends.â
Y/n nodded and looked down at her glass. He was obviously feeling the nerves as well. She felt him shift next to her as he put his arm back behind her on the couch again.
She thought about just putting the moves on. Getting it over with. But then he started to talk.
âTomorrow afternoon I fly out to Brazil. Havenât been there in a while. Feels like with the pandemic everything just stopped. Glad to have things sort of going back to normal. Ya know? But⌠What about you? Do you live near Chicago? You mentioned you live in the suburbs.â
They chatted a bit, revealing small things about themselves little by little. Eventually, she even wound up telling him her age and that sheâd been in a long-term relationship that ended tragically but she didnât give him all the details. She didnât want his pity. But it felt natural to tell him a little bit more after he opened up to her about his last girlfriend and how it was his longest relationship but that he had felt stuck in it halfway through. That she had kids and how difficult that made everything.
Y/n knew who he was talking about as well. He didnât need to say her name because sheâd googled it all beforehand.
And she was aware that she wasnât as old as his last girlfriend. She was only about a year older than Harry was but he was so sincere and mature that he felt older. Yet, there was a playful edge to him that was refreshing. And he was an excellent listener. Just as he had been the night before.
That was another reason she felt comfortable revealing small things about herself to him. He acted like what she was saying was worth being heard. He didnât look at the clock on the wall, or let his eyes glaze over in boredom as she spoke. He asked her questions about what sheâd said, remembered her sisterâs name when she mentioned that she had two nieces, and even asked her about how her art show went â remembering the name of the gallery.
âAnd how did it go tonight at the Carrie Secrist Gallery? Did you get all your pieces sold?â
She laughed at his question â the way he said the name of the gallery. She thought he was probably showing off a little. He was naturally very charismatic and charming and she was falling for it hard. Heâd bump his knee into hers every so often and his eyes never left her face which had her skin growing warm. He was flirting in the most subtle way.
âIt went well! Actually, I sold all of my pieces. I did give a discount for one of them to be displayed at a restaurant because I figure thatâs like advertisement, right? But yeah. It was a really good night.â
Harry cocked his head to the side and she noted how he watched as she sipped her wine and licked her lips. He wasnât being coy anymore. His obvious gaze was his way of moving it along.
She stared back at him and felt her skin start to prickle with nerves. It was bold to look him directly in his sharp green eyes when he was sat so close to her. She watched as his lips turned up in a small smirk and he leaned in closer, âWhat perfume are wearing?â
She had to pause to think. It was her travel perfume. She liked nice scents and had a few back home but when she traveled she didnât bring her usuals with her because they were too costly to risk being broken. And normally when she was traveling it was because she was participating in an exhibit or show and that meant she would wear very little of anything scented. Mostly out of respect. Like being on an airplane and wearing a beautiful spicy perfume that youâd put on before a date. You just wouldnât.
âI think itâs like⌠um⌠I honestly donât know the name. Itâs a sample of something that I bring when I travel. Like a powdery, clean scent. Something nonoffensive. Would hate to lose out on a sale because I was wearing some wild cotton candy, musky, floral perfume or something,â she laughed.
Harry nodded with a small smile as he watched her mouth move around her words. She couldnât help but notice how he looked from her lips and slowly brought his gaze back up to her eyes.
âWhat about you? You smell nice.â It was true. He did smell good. Clean and a little bit masculine. It was definitely some kind of cologne.
He looked down over his t-shirt and scrunched his brows in thought, âYou think? Felt like I might be smelling a bit off.â
Y/n shook her head with a grin, âNo. You smell nice. Clean.â
âWell, I did shower after the show. I get so hot and sweaty on stage. Sometimes the outfits donât breathe at all. Just like, my hot skin trapped under saran wrap is what it feels like,â he laughed as he spoke but the visual had Y/nâs mind going into dark and dirty places. Perhaps heâd said it on purpose.
She stayed quiet as she sipped the last bit of her wine and then leaned forward to place the glass on the table in front of them.
âWould you like another bottle of wine? Or⌠something else?â
Clenching her jaw she looked at his empty glass next to hers.
Or something elseâŚ
âWell, I donât know about having more wineâŚâ
âOkay. Me neither to be honest. Also not quite ready to go to bed just yet. Do you want to likeâŚâ he pulled his lips into his mouth and raised his brows as he bumped her knee with his.
He didnât need to say it. She knew what he meant. She kept her eyes on his with a grin on her face as he leaned in so close she could smell the wine on his breath, âIs it okay if I kiss you?â
She was compelled to pull him toward her and put her lips to his instead of answering him verbally. Sheâd been watching his pink lips wrap around his words in the unique way he moved his mouth for long enough. They looked smooth and she was curious how theyâd feel against hers. But the moment she felt his tongue slip out and wet the bottom of her lip she felt her mind go blank except for the thought that she was kissing Harry Styles. Sitting in his hotel room way past her bedtime with security outside of his door and an empty bottle of wine on the coffee table at her feet.
His hand moved to the back of her neck and pulled her in closer, to which she happily allowed herself to be moved toward his body. Her own fingers flitted into his thick hair, the curls winding between her fingers, just as soft as it appeared.Â
To her surprise (and delight) he didnât try rushing from kissing to trying to take her clothes off. In fact, he continued kissing her and pressing his tongue into hers and lapping over her lips, squeezing the back of her neck with one hand and her soft hip with the other for longer than she might have ever kissed anyone before. His mouth against hers was erotic and wet and a bit eager even. As if he hadnât kissed anyone in a long time. But she matched that energy because she actually hadnât kissed anyone in a long time.
He pinched her thigh a bit harder as she moved closer, her blouse-covered breasts brushing against his taut shirt-covered chest. She knew he was in good shape because sheâd seen the pictures of him wearing open vests and jackets baring his well-built upper body while prancing on stage. Tonightâs outfit showcased how beefy he was with a well-fitted t-shirt and leather pants. A reminder of where she lacked.
As his hand slid upward to the curve of her waist she pulled away a little, really not feeling like heâd enjoy her extra bits once he touched them, âI⌠sorryâŚâ she shook her head and sighed, feeling embarrassed.
Harryâs lips reached for hers again, brushing them softly over hers, âSorry for what?â
But his mouth on hers was intoxicating and the way he was still grabbing at her and pulling her in made her forget what it was she was worried about.
The truth was that Harry loved what he saw and the way she felt so soft and plush under his hand. Her mouth, her hip, her waist. And she smelled pretty and her eyes were making him lose his mind. He wanted her in his bed and on his cock (if sheâd allow that). Her voice was soft and feminine and she was smart and funny.
Harry had no trouble finding someone for the night. Heâd been very lucky since his One Direction days but fame was like that. It also didnât hurt that he was handsome with a deep voice and a big cock. But recently he decided to start being a little more choosy. Perhaps to find someone he could spend more than a night with. It was hard to do, though. Because he was on the road a lot and most people couldnât keep up with his lifestyle unless they could go on the road with him. Which was usually an impossibility.
And after Y/n had left the venue a young woman was flirting heavily with him; batting her lashes and touching his arm, and giving off all the signals that she was a sure thing. Normally heâd have just stuck with that and had a good time with her for the evening. That was the easy route. A pretty girl very willing and eager whom he could send away after without feeling too bad. Did that make him a bad person? He didnât think so. It was just sex most of the time. He was always safe and respectful and the kind of sexual tension that would build up while he was singing and dancing (and honestly that was when he was feeling his most attractive and confident) was normal after every show. It wasnât like he had sex with someone new after each concert. But the option was always there.
But tonight he really wanted to see Y/n again. The cute girl was the easier option, but Y/n was the kind of woman he wanted to keep with him until morning. Let her sleep in his suite and have a couple of rounds with her. There was no way to know if it could ever be more but she was something different. His therapist, Pat, had told him to stop going with what was easiest. To take a step back and look for more substance. She told him he was clearly looking for something deeper and while there was nothing wrong with a bit of fun, deep down he needed more. And he knew she was right.
Harryâs hand roamed upward to the underside of her boob and even with the blouse and the bra covering her flesh he could feel how soft and heavy her breast was. He wanted to tear her shirt off and take a look but heâd let her lead the way because she seemed like she knew what she wanted when she slid her palm over his thigh and close to his crotch. Harry was solid and already thickened under his shorts, which was quite obvious from the way the fabric tented outward. He pulled her in closer again, hoping sheâd grasp him over his shorts.
But instead, when Harry pulled at her she lost her balance and so the hand she was slowly moving upward as she worked up the courage to palm over his obvious erection suddenly was planted firmly over his cock, her hand trying to steady herself so as not to crush him under her palm and so she didnât fall forward into him like she was about to.
They both parted from the kiss, Harry laughing and Y/n apologizing and quickly removing her hand, âOh my gosh! Are you okay?â
Harry was more than okay when he looked into her pretty eyes and saw how flustered she was, how swollen her lips were from kissing, and the way her eyes were blown out.
He put his hand over hers and pulled it back to cup over his hard dick, âAs you can tell, Iâm just fine,â he grinned and looked down at the state of himself and her eyes followed him. She knew he was hard, she felt it when she fell into him. Which was quite exciting now that she was having her hand guided over him, he squeezed around her fingers so she had to tighten her grip around him. She panted and looked up at him. He was girthy and the way his dick was stuffed under his shorts, bent a little bit as it was constricted by the elastic. She could tell he was hung. Very much so.
âDo you want me to⌠can I?â She asked, licking her lips and looking back down at his big bulge and Harry leaned back, putting his arms back along the couch.
âIf you want. But if you do that then be warned that I am gonna want to return the favor.â
A laugh was forced out of Y/nâs nose as she looked back into his eyes curiously, âBe warned? As if that would be a bad thing?â
Harry shrugged, âYou never know.â
Y/n bit her bottom lip and slowly tugged at the elastic of the shorts he had on to reveal he was sans underwear. The shock of seeing his thick deep pink tip so quickly had her gasping unexpectedly and pausing her motion. She could tell he was big just by the way he felt, but seeing it bare before her eyesâŚ
Looking back up at him he nodded at her to continue so she pulled at the material, pushing it down and then finally getting a full at him, long and pretty, hard as a rock. He was fully engorged and heavy in her hand when she slid her palm over him. Yes, this would do.
Getting to her knees on the floor in between his legs she kept her hand on him, not wanting to let go. It was unbelievable that she was holding Harry Stylesâ thick cock in her hand and he was hard for her. She clenched her thighs just imagining what it might feel like wrecking her insides because it would.
She licked her lips and leaned over him slowly, leisurely pumping him upward. Spitting over his tip she looked up at him and pressed her mouth to his slit with a tiny peck and used her hand to coat his cock with the saliva. She spat again to give her hand more glide and on her upward stroke, her palm squeezed around his frenulum. Harry moaned and leaned his head back. His pink lips parted.
Positioning herself more comfortably she lowered her mouth again to the underside of him, licking upward until her tongue glided over his tip and she popped his bulbous crown into her mouth and sucked. He reached down to put a hand into her hair and grunted as she got lower over him.
He tasted good. Of course, he hadnât come yet but he was clean and smelled nice. She was never a fan of the taste of come but she was certain with Harry, sheâd gulp him all down with a smile on her face despite whatever he might taste like.
Harry loved getting head. He didnât always ask for it, and he didnât technically ask for it this time either but she wanted it and he wanted to feel her warm mouth and plump lips wrapped around him since the night before when he first met her.
He was not disappointed either. She was taking him in well. He knew he wasnât easy to take all the way, which was part of the reason he didnât always ask for a blowie. But Y/n was good. He tried not to tighten his fingers in her hair, wanting her to go at her own pace but he did grasp the back of the couch with his free hand and found himself letting out a pathetic whimper when she swallowed around his tip.
She was enjoying this. She was pretty good at giving head, though it had been some time, she was a bit rusty but it was like riding a bike really. After a few swallows and deep strokes, his tip hitting the back of her mouth and making her gag lightly, she began to get the hang out of it again. And he was clearly enjoying it.
She was making a bit of a mess too. Drooling and coughing⌠the fabric of his shorts that was pressed under his balls was wet. Which reminded herâŚ
Using her free hand she began to roll his scrotum in her palm gently. His balls were round and full and heavy and when he gasped she could tell that was a good sign.
âOh my god⌠ffffuck, Y/n!â Harry couldnât help it when he tightened his fingers in her hair. He was going to come already. A little bit embarrassing but she was good and the noises she was making and the way she was sucking him in, wet and warm⌠plus⌠he was getting a very good view of her with her mouth wrapped around him. Drool dripping down her chin and sheâd look up at him every so often and that was doing him in. The fact that she was pushing him down her throat so deeply and then looking up at him as she gurgled around him was making him lose it.
Now, Harry was a bit dominant in the bedroom. Well, a lot actually. He didnât always show it, especially not with one-night stands or with someone heâd just met. He liked to ease them into it unless they were clearly into it. And there was something that told him she liked it a bit rough. So when he pushed her down a little further and her eyes rolled into the back of her head as she moaned around him he coughed out a gasp and clenched his teeth to hold himself back. He wanted to have her on his cock like this for a while longer but she was conducting his perfect ideal for a blow job.
âOpen that throat up for me, baby⌠gonna choke you with my comeâŚâ he panted his words and watched her closely as she hastened bobbing up and down over him. He took a risk to say what he wanted and she liked it. He had a feeling she would.
Y/n moaned at his words and the way he handled her hair and pushed her down over him. His sudden dominant display was welcomed and felt her arousal drip past her thong onto the insides of her thighs when he told her to open her throat for him. It was the hottest thing sheâd heard in a long time.
And she did choke on his come. Salty and bitter, with an edge of sweetness. She swallowed and around him coughed as he flooded her throat. Tears poured from her eyes as she gulped him down the best she could and listening to his moans and grunts was satisfying to her.
Eventually, he released her hair and let his body melt into the couch as she licked him clean until his cock was softening in her mouth. He watched her when she sat back and wiped the back of her hand over her mouth with a small smile. The tears on her cheeks were mixed with streaks of black from her mascara and her mouth was puffy and wet.
âCome here,â Harry grasped the front of her neck and leaned in as he pulled her close so he could kiss her hard. She put her hands over his thighs to steady herself as he pulled her up and then moved her onto the couch under him. He pushed her down and lowered himself to her neck and licked upward toward her jawline, âLet me see you. Want to see your tits and your pussy. Can I, Y/n?â
She nodded as he pulled at her top. She sat up a little so he could pull the material off and she was quick to undo her clasp at the back. She was wearing a bra that was slightly complicated because her breasts were large and heavy so it was quite the device. She doubted heâd be able to figure it out fast enough.
âHoly fuckâŚâ Harry groaned as he put his large hands over her tits and caressed the soft skin before lowering himself to attach his mouth to her left nipple and then her right one.
She hissed when he pulled at her nipple, sucking it into his mouth and squeezing gently at the other side. She hadnât had anyone play with her tits in a long time. Sheâd really been missing intimacy. He sat back a little and pressed her boobs together before dipping back down to use his tongue all along her smooth flesh, tucking the wet muscle in between her breasts and licking upward toward her neck.
He continued kneading her tits as he settled himself onto his shins and sat back and looked at her face, âSo fucking pretty.â
She arched her back, causing her hips to roll upward and Harry looked down to her hips, moving his hands down to the waistband of her skirt. He massaged her soft hips and watched as the material of her skirt lifted the slightest at the way he was squeezing her. He clenched his jaw and looked back into her eyes and raised his brows as if to ask her permission to keep lifting her skirt upward. Sheâd already nodded in response when he asked her moments ago but he wanted to know if sheâd changed her mind or not.
Y/n brought her hands down and lifted the hem of her skirt up to just the part where her thighs were wholly exposed but her panties werenât in view yet. Keeping her eyes on his she pushed at his hands to lower them so he could finish the job if he wanted. It was her way of giving him permission to pull her skirt up so he could see her.
And it wasnât that Y/n was super confident in her body. In fact, if there was anything she was insecure about it was her weight and her body. She did well to push down the anxiety she felt about that and didnât like to make it known she felt self-conscious, but she was. And here was Harry Styles between her legs and looking at her half-naked body, finally getting a view of her panties as he lifted her skirt. She knew she was wet between her legs already and watching the expression on his face she held her breath hoping he wasnât grossed out by what he saw.
She watched him lick his lips as his brows set in a serious expression. He shot his gaze up to her eyes and then back down to her wet panties. She breathed a gasp when she felt his finger slip along the topmost part of her thigh just under the crotch of her panties, âYouâre wet.â
She gulped hard. She knew there was nothing she could do to hide how wet sheâd gotten from sucking him off. But when he thumbed at her thigh and collected her arousal before sticking his whole digit into his mouth and licking it clean, she dropped her mouth open in surprise.
âMmm⌠do you know one of my favorite things to do is to put my face in between a womanâs thighs and make her come on my tongue?â He licked his lips again and pressed his thumbs to the elastic of her panties, pushing just under the fabric over her hips as he looked at her.
âI⌠no. I didnât know,â was all she could respond with. She was anticipating what was to come and she couldnât believe it so her brain wasnât quite connecting with everything else at that moment.
Harry kept his eyes on hers as he began to lower her panties. He wanted access. Wanted to get his mouth on her and have her shaking and coming, getting his face all wet, dripping down to the couch belowâŚ
When Harry pulled the fabric down to her upper thighs he shifted to pull the material down and off her legs. He needed to have her spread apart for him so the panties needed to go.
When he finally allowed himself to look at the soft skin and the bit of hair she had all around her warm and wet pussy he closed his eyes and moaned when he gripped onto her hips, letting his fingers sink into her skin.
âIâm gonna make you feel so good. Okay? You want that, Y/n?â He yanked his shirt off over his head, revealing his well-defined chest and scattered tattoos. He must have planned on making a mess.
She nodded and looked down over her body and back into his eyes as he lowered himself over her. He went in tongue first and closed his eyes as he made the first lick upward through her slit and coated his tongue in her.
She moaned softly but then he quickly reached a hand down to the leg that was nearest the edge of the cushion and gripped onto the underpart of her thigh, making her spread out for him as he nudged into her further, lapping and sucking at her.
âOH!â She panted as his lips lowered to her entrance and his wide nose swept over her clit as he shook his head and pulled at her so he could push in further.
She grabbed onto the back of the couch with one arm and her other hand pushed into his soft hair. She rolled her hips upward and moaned at the way he felt on her, but he kept pushing her back down which was driving her nuts, in the best way. He was going in like a starved man and forcing her hips down to keep her still.
Harry wasnât shy to eat pussy or do it his way. He found that women generally enjoyed the way he did it. His objective was always for it to feel good and for whoever was on the receiving end to come. And he really wanted to make Y/n come because of how good sheâd just sucked him off. Swallowed his cock halfway down her throat and choked on his come. He wanted to give her something in return because he wanted to show her how good he could be. Hoped that he was better than anyone before him (because he liked being the best at everything he did).
âOh, shit, shit, shit, shit!!! God! Harry, f-ffffuck!â When Harry shifted and stuffed two fingers inside and began to pump them in and out as he kept his mouth over her clit she knew she was gonna be a goner. Because this was her own go-to move when she masturbated.
She had a slim dildo she used that was curved and hit her insides nicely and loved combining that with her clit sucker[TK7]Â . It always got her off and Harryâs mouth and fingers were hitting all the spots she needed.
Going into this with him she figured it could be fun. Might get some pleasure, perhaps something to think back on fondly. She hoped for more than just that (if he could give her an orgasm that would have been preferred) but was prepared for just some fun but doubted an orgasm or anything like what was happening. The man was just as charming with his face between her thighs as he was talking and singing into a microphone. The humor and his charisma didnât stop on stage. Harry was good. And sexy.
She stiffened as her muscles began to vibrate. Harry seemed to know that she was coming as he pumped his fingers into her harder and faster and continued slurping at her clit.
Only when she began to come down did she realize how loud sheâd been. Her moans and cries were sure to have been heard by anyone standing near the door. Her slight embarrassment was quelled when she felt Harryâs lips still sliding over her pussy as he moaned. She was a mess and from what she could see of his face, that was too.
Pressing at his forehead as she giggled her words, âHarry! Okay⌠okay!â She wiggled away from him.
Harry sat up and looked down at her with a small smirk on his damp face. His eyes were hooded and he looked like he was ready for more, which she was not expecting. Figured heâd gotten what he needed and would have her on her way.
But instead, as he stood up she noticed that the strain at the front of his shorts was back with a vengeance. After pulling his shorts off, he pulled at her hand, helping her stand, and wrapped his fingers around hers as he led her to the bed.
She watched him walk in front of her, tall and well-built. A tush she could bite into. Would love to sketch and paint him in bronze, pink, olive, and brown. His thick dark hair, the lean neck holding up his big, yet handsome, head. Broad shoulders and a smooth back, strong, meaty thighs atop his sinewy lower legs. She could do his frame justice on a canvas. Add in a bit of gold and red, and plenty of dark, fine strokes to delineate his muscles. Sheâd use her script brush for the scattered hairsâŚ
His mouth met hers and erased her thoughts and her gawking at his naked physique. The first thing that was apparent was the way he tasted. Like her pussy. She was not quite expecting it. Sheâd been out of the game like this for a bit and so kissing someone was already a fairly exciting prospect. But to have it be Harry Styles and then to have him taste like heâd just eaten her out? Now that was never something sheâd had on her radar for sexual conquests. This felt like a bucket list item that would always just stay there, on the list. Except it was so far out of her realm of possibility that it never would have made it to such a list. But as it were, here she was, being pulled to his bed, his cock hard and long next to her, his mouth damp with her arousal, and then what?
âTake your skirt off for me, love.â
He didnât ask her. He told her.
She knew that once her skirt was pulled off sheâd be completely naked. In front of Harry Styles. With that body. But she complied. Bringing her skirt down over her hips and thighs until it fell into the floor in a small pile. She looked down over herself but tried not to think about the way she looked naked to him. He didnât seem to mind her extra bits. In fact, he seemed to be rather enjoying her as she was. But she couldnât help the way she felt so exposed.
He bent down to kiss her again, his fingers running into her hair with one hand and his other hand moving down her back and to her bottom, squishing her flesh and rutting his hips into hers.
Harry parted with a gasp and held her out so he could look at her, âYouâre so fucking hot, Y/n. Climb on the bed for me.â
Her whole body was vibrating. The way he was looking at her had her nervous and vulnerable. She sat her bottom on the bed and watched him as she scooted into the middle of the mattress. Harry stood at the foot of the bed and watched her. He wasnât shy about where he let his eyes roam. Right between her sticky thighs, over her belly up to her big tits.
âLay back and spread your legs.â
She wasnât used to being told what to do during sex. Her husband was the last man she slept with (years ago) and he wasnât commanding in bed at all. This was all a first for her but it made her feel something she hadnât really felt before. Being bossed around this way was exciting.
So she did as he said, putting her back on the comforter and hesitantly spreading her legs apart, bending at the knees and putting her feet flat onto the blanket.
She felt the bed shift as Harry climbed up next to her and he put his hands on her shins and looked at her shiny pussy.
His small moan vibrated through his chest as he looked the pretty girl in her eyes, âCan I fuck you? Is that all right?â
Y/n nodded quickly and shot her eyes down to Harryâs cock. She couldnât believe he was so hard again. But she felt like that was probably somewhat of a compliment, âI donât have any condoms, um-â
Harry crawled over her, his thighs spreading between hers, causing her legs to part further, âI have some. Are you on birth control?â He grazed his mouth over hers and as he pressed his lips to hers she felt his cock against her pelvis.
Panting her words and rolling her hips upward, âYes I am.â
Harryâs lips slotted between Y/nâs as he settled his hips against hers, slowly putting himself through her labia to feel her first. Without having to put on a condom. He knew it was necessary but to be able to feel her warm against his skin, wetting it, the hair scratching itâŚ
Y/n gasped when his cockhead nudged at her entrance before he slid up through her crease and it bumped into her clit. It was salacious. Almost as if he were testing the waters to not put on a condom. Her body and her mind were beginning to synch up into lust and want again. Heâd just given her an orgasm but she was on her way to that point of no return once again.
And Harry never went without a condom with a one-night stand or a quick weekend fling. Of course, once the relationship was established there was no need but never before had he wanted so badly to enter a woman without really knowing if he could trust her or not. She said she was on birth control but how could he know?
Reluctantly he got off the bed to grab a condom from his suitcase and paused next to the bed to roll it down from his tip to his base.
Y/n watched. He was thick and long. The hair at his base was dark and masculine. He crawled back in between her legs and kissed the insides of her thighs and lapped upward quickly over her pussy one last time for good measure before positioning himself over her with his shaft in his hand, aiming himself at her cunt.
The room was lit with only one lamp and the bed was soft underneath her body. She couldnât quite believe that she was in that moment, with Harry Styles above her. She hadnât had sex with anyone since her husband. But here she was, with a manâs cock pressed at her entrance, waiting for her to finally give permission so he could push into her. So he could fuck her. So Harry Styles could fuck her.
Rolling her hips upward slightly and grasping onto his lats, âPlease.â
Harry panted out a breath as he fit his cock into her, the initial entry needing a bit of force to squeeze his thick head past the threshold of her tight muscle. She gasped at the widening of her opening. It felt good to have a man poking into her rather than her silicon dildo for once.
She held onto his back for dear life as he doused himself in her. She was soft and thick and tight. It was incredible and warm. His strokes were long, slowly sinking in deeper and deeper with each rock inward.
âHowâs that feel?â Harryâs cock was feeling very good, he hoped the noises she was making were a good sign. He thought it was but wanted her to be more vocal.
âOh my god, Harry⌠fuck that feels good.â She purred.
Harry put his hands over her tits and continued fucking into her, his thighs giving him leverage for each plunge.
âYeah? You like that? Tell me what you like, baby. What do you need?â
Her mind went blank as his long dick slicked in and out of her, spreading her, touching her deeply⌠What did she like? What did she need? It had been so long and never had she needed to vocalize it before.
âYou, Harry,â She hissed when he bucked his hips inward, a deep thrust that sent her body surging upward from the force of his drive.
âMe? Oh baby, you have me, canât you feel that?â His words came out pinched in ecstasy, âBut talk to me. What do you like?â
Slowly moving a hand upward to her neck he wrapped his fingers around and squeezed only the slightest as he continued rolling his hips into her. He tweaked one of her nipples with his other hand and she gasped as her lips parted.
âWhat about this? You like when I do this?â He dug the pads of his fingers into the side of her neck before loosening but keeping his hand over her throat.
She nodded quickly, not expecting to have enjoyed it but she did, âYes.â
âAnd this?â Rolling her nipple between his fingers and giving her a good hard jerk of his hips inward she grunted and nodded again.
âGood girl. You like it a little rough then. Letâs see what else we can learnâŚâ he spoke as he gripped her neck solidly, but still giving her space to say no if she needed. He leaned over her, his face directly above, âOpen your mouth.â
She complied and parted her lips.
âTongue out.â
She jutted her pink tongue past her lips and Harry spat down into her mouth and then cooed at her as he watched his saliva drip down her tongue and into her throat, âI can tell you like that too. Is that right? Are you my dirty girl?â
Moaning and feeling her body floating away from her brain she nodded, âIâm your dirty girl.â
Harry sucked in a sharp breath at her words. It was just what he wanted to hear.
âYou are, arenât you? My dirty girl likes getting fucked nice and hard,â he punctuated his statement with a harsh thrust, âChoked, spit on⌠Fuck baby I think you might just be my favorite girl. What else do you like?â
She was officially stunned and gushing from his words. And his cock too of course. But the way he was talking to her and showing her what she liked made her feel like a new woman. It was an experience she wouldnât soon forget.
âAww⌠poor thing. Having a hard time speaking, dear? Need some help?â
She gurgled a moan and nodded. Her belly was on fire with how deep his cock was. Everything around her was fuzzy.
Suddenly Harry pulled out and grasped her hips, pushing her to roll to her front, âHands and knees.â
She whined as she pushed herself upward, spreading her legs and pushing her knees and palms into the blanket below.
âShh, shhh⌠no need to cry, baby. Daddyâs here.â It was a risk. To say it. To call himself Daddy. But it was his favorite. He loved being called Daddy when he was fucking anyone who was even just a little bit submissive. And Y/n was quite submissive but he had a feeling she didnât even know it. Based on how confident and cheeky she was when he met her and when she got to his room earlier he knew he had the potential for a brat on his hands but for her to also be a bit submissive? And this pretty? Heâd hit the jackpot.
He smacked her bottom, both sides with a solid whack causing her to jump and groan, her head lolling downward as she reared back, her pussy and ass on display for him.
âAnd you like that too donât you pretty girl?â
She nodded her head and moved her hips back again, most likely searching for his cock to fit itself back into her but he needed her to start talking a little more.
âI knew you would. But I need to hear your words my lovely little thing. Can you talk to me? Do you want more spankings? Or do you want something else?â He grinned as he squished the plump flesh of her thick bottom, the view something heâd sear into his memory and bring with him on tour until he could have her again. He knew heâd want to see her again after this.
âFffuckâŚâ she moaned softly. She didnât know what she wanted. She just wanted whatever he was doing to continue. She was absolutely loving it. And the Daddy thing? She had never called anyone Daddy before. Not even her own dad. It would need to grow on her.
Harry grasped the base of his shaft and dragged his tip through her folds gently, up and down, pressing himself at her center and she pushed back to make him go in but he backed away, smacking her bum again and making her jolt.
âAh, ah, ah⌠Tell me, baby. Tell me what you want. I need to hear it from those pretty lips.â
Y/n swallowed as her heart raced and not just from how turned on she was. From nerves. She was surprised by the reaction he was pulling out of her. But she did want a couple of things and there was something in how dominant he was being that made her feel like she needed to comply.
âFuck me and spank me. Please.â
Harry smiled and slid his cockhead into her folds again, âYeah? I love it when you say please. Makes me very happy. Iâll give you what you want. But I want something from you too, Y/n.â
Harry watched as his tip parted her shiny crease as he pushed upward, spreading her arousal all around.
When she stayed silent Harry brought his free palm down to her bottom, the smack sounding in the room, âWell arenât you going to ask what I want?â
She gasped and took a breath, âSorry. What do you want?â Her words were coming out breathy and light.
âI need you to keep telling me if you like something. And ask me if thereâs something else you want. Understood?â
âYes.â She nodded her head and bit her lip, waiting for him to slip inside again.
Harry removed his palm from her bottom and gathered her hair between his fingers and pulled her head up gently, âCan you guess what else I want? What else makes Daddy really happy?â
Shaking her head and peeping the word no Harry leaned in to speak into her ear, âI just gave you a hint little girl. Letâs see if you can use that brain of yours to figure out what I like.â
Her eyes fluttered at the feel of his breath at the back of her ear and his fingers pulling at her hair. It wasnât registering to her what he wanted. He gave her a hint?
âCome on⌠I know you can figure this one out. Itâs not that hard. Or are you kind of dumb when my cock is right here, nudging into you? Hmm?â He pushed in the smallest bit, allowing his tip to tuck into her for a moment before bringing it back out.
She whined and licked her lips. It was true that it was hard to think when he was handling her the way he was.
âSorry. Iâm not sure.â
Harryâs dark baritone vibrated off her ear as he spoke, âSâokay. Weâll take our time til you figure it all out. Do you want Daddyâs cock?â
She nodded quickly and Harry chuckled as he spoke, âYeah? Well then tell me, dear, whoâs cock do you want?â He nudged in again, prodding her crease and pushing just into her opening. It was taking all of his resolve not to just hammer into her at that point.
But hearing him say that, it clicked. She knew what he wanted, âYours, Daddy.â
It felt odd coming out of her mouth. She wasnât sure if she liked it but the moment he stuffed her again with his large cock she keened and moaned and knew that he deserved to be called Daddy if thatâs what he wanted. He gave her what she wanted so sheâd give him what he wanted.
âYes⌠good girl. I knew you could do it, baby,â Harry spoke through gritted teeth when he sunk in to the hilt. He pulled back and then fucked into her quickly. His pace soon became harsh as he let go of her hair and pounded her from behind. Smacking her bottom with his palm every few strokes her flesh grew red slowly and her moans grew louder.
âOh! Yess! Ffffuck!â Her body was rocked forward at each strike of his hips into hers. The sound of skin thudding wetly and smacks of his hand to her flesh were loud in the room.Â
Harry held onto her hips, squeezing tightly as he gave her bottom a break from the strikes.
âMy dick is coated in your cream. Ffuuck little girl. Goddamn best girl Iâve had. Can you rub your sweet little pussy for me? Put your fingers where you need them. Show Daddy youâre a good girl.â
Harryâs deep voice and the sound of his fat cock penetrating her wet hole were egging her on as she brought her hand between her legs to get herself closer to the edge as she rubbed her clit.
His engorged cock twitched when he felt her fingers brush against his balls as he thumped into her over and over again.
She began to see stars as she sputtered inarticulate words. Harry was going in hard but he felt so good inside of her. The way he was holding her hips kept her grounded as his balls whacked into her on each thrust. She could feel how wet his scrotum was from her arousal soaking him.
But then her eyes popped open and her whining and choked moans halted when he released one of her hips and put his fingers over her bum. On her anus. She hadnât expected it.
Harry slowed his movements as he spoke, âOh did that surprise you? How am I supposed to keep my hands off your tiny hole here,â he rubbed it as he spoke, still fucking into her deeply but slowly now, âwhen sheâs looking directly up at me all empty and needy?â
She felt liquid drip over her bottom when Harry spit down onto her puckered hole and rub his saliva around, âCan I? Just a finger. Itâs going to feel so good.â
Y/n panted and nodded, âOkay.â
Never once had she done anything sexual with her bottom. Sheâd never played with herself there, nor considered having anyone do it for her either. Her husband had certainly never tried.Â
More spit was rubbed over the hole and she felt Harryâs finger slowly push in as she continued rubbing her button and Harry continued filling her cunt with his heavy cock. It felt odd. Not like being fingered in her pussy. A very different sensation but it wasnât bad. Well, sheâd say that it was actually pretty good in combination with everything else.
âRelax for me. Let me make you feel good.â His finger fucked into her ass as he slowly began to increase the tempo of his hips.
âAhh!â She squeaked out as he dipped into her cervix and she clenched over his cock and his finger at the ache.
âSâokay. Mâcockâs getting in there deep, isnât it? Do you want me to stop?â
Shaking her head she spoke with her words coming out in punches between his thrusts, âPlease! Donât stop! Need you!â
She did need him. Needed him to keep doing what he was doing. Needed his dirty words, his big cock, and his long fingers. She was going to come if he continued.
Harry panted and groaned at what he was seeing and feeling. Not only was she making him feel so good, but watching her pussy being fucked and her ass being fingered was a dream.
He slid his finger in and out gently and he could tell that she was starting to relax a little. A good sign. Heâd love to fuck her bottom one day. Get her nice and open and just wreck all of her holes.
Harryâs long, fast strokes into her pussy were devasting her insides. She knew sheâd be limping the next day but that thought only excited her.
Applying just the right amount of pressure to her clit as she rubbed, feeling Harryâs finger slipping in and out of her, and with the way his cock was working into her so deep she could no longer stop her body from shaking and her lungs from gasping for air loudly.
Harry felt her walls squeeze and pulse around him as he continued rolling his hips into her steadily, fucking her through her orgasm, her moans and gasps, her fingers at her clit, and her thighs shaking⌠he smiled as he threw his head back to feel it. To feel her in her orgasm. Her soft insides, wet, and contracting around him.
âFuck, baby⌠itâs that good is it?â Harry looked down at the scene below. Absolutely filthy. His wide cock parted her fluttering pussy as it gripped him tight. Her arousal was slathered over him.
As she began to loosen up and he could tell she was done he gently pulled out, both his cock and his finger, âGood girl. Can you lie on your back? Iâm almost there. Just need a little more. Want to make you come one more time.â
Y/n gulped and adjusted herself onto her back, âIâm not sure I can come again.â
Harry climbed over her and put his palms over her tits again, âYouâll come again.â
She watched him as he allowed his gaze to look over her body. She really wished he wouldnât look too closely like he was. She felt a bit embarrassed. Being chubby was always something she contended with for as long as she could remember. As confident as she conveyed herself in her day-to-day, the truth was that once her clothes came off she felt well below average.
Harry gently brushed his fingers along her cheekbone and slowly pushed back in, the front of his thighs pressed into the back of hers.
The feel of him re-entering her was sharp and achy. Heâd already done quite a number on her. She was positive she wouldnât have another orgasm. Impossible.
âI love how you feel. Fuck, baby.â
He angled himself so he was pushing down into her, splitting her pussy and pressing deeply.
âAhh!â She hadnât expected the way it would feel when he pushed her hips upward and fucked down into her. It was tight and he was long and it pinched the smallest bit but when she looked at his face she saw ecstasy. He was definitely close.
âSo tight isnât it? Taking me so good, Y/n. Wanna feel you come once more. Just squeezing the fuck out of me again so when I come I can feel you milking me, sucking my dick into your cunt, begging for my come.â
Y/n moaned at the words. It was hot. Harryâs strong body and his roughness, and the way he spoke were so hot.
He moved his hand from her cheek down to her neck and softly squeezed, âItâs so messy down there sweet girl. Just drenching me. Can you hear that?â His question was punctuated by the noises their bodies made together. His lengthy prick pushing into her and dragging back to the tip before impaling her again. Over and over. The slick sounds of his condom coated in her, spreading her open. Her body felt it all. She had been so sensitive after her orgasm and now her insides were aching in delight. The feel of him wide and thick inside and then deep as he dipped all the way in sent zips and currents through her body.
Harry enjoyed the way his body felt inside of her. It was lavish and soft and warm and she was so wet for him, so needy. Her big tits were swaying as he thrust deep and her nipples were peaked. He loved how she looked with his hand over her throat. He wanted to do so much more. Preferred it far rougher but this was their first, and perhaps only time. He didnât generally enjoy scaring them off on night one. A few rounds on separate occasions and heâd show what he was really into. He hoped this wouldnât be their last time. He felt like sheâd enjoy what he was into. Felt like she might be too. She liked to be choked a little. She called him Daddy even which was making him lose his mind. Sheâd be into the idea of playing into his breeding kink too he bet.
And that thought sent him so deep into his fantasy he began to feel his orgasm swell into his balls. Just imagining her plush body and wide hips taking him like he needed. He needed to fuck a lot. He normally masturbated about twice a day when he didnât have someone to come inside of. But when he was in a steady relationship heâd drain his cock all day long when there was time for it.
He could just see Y/nâs cunt dripping with his come and heâd make her lie flat and keep it inside of her so it would soak into her. The idea that she could get pregnant by him. Fill her with his sperm and make her body grow thicker and softer with his babies. Her tits would swell and engorge.
But that was just a fantasy. Now he was fucking so hard and so deep into the hottest woman heâd had in a long time. Her plump hips and soft pussy were begging him for more. Even though she insisted she couldnât come again, he could already tell she was getting even slicker for him. Her body preparing for her third orgasm. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head and her mouth was wide open.
âYâgonna come for me, little girl. Come on Daddyâs cock. You can do it. I know you can. Can feel you fluttering around me already. So needy for more arenât you?â
The words she wanted to say were yes and donât stop, please! But instead, she gurgled and choked her moans when his pelvis rubbed over hers, offering her clit the friction needed. A few more of his harsh strokes and the way their bodies connected, rubbing and pushing into one another had her button being worked just like she wanted.
Harry coughed out a laugh but then groaned when he felt her begin to shake, âOh, baby. Ffuck⌠thought you said you couldnât come again? Hm? Look at thatâŚâ his strokes were long and deep as he felt her body give way to another orgasm. Her spasming cunt squeezed his cock deliciously and Harry pumped himself into her so she could come properly while getting railed and having her clit stimulated all at once.
And just as she was beginning to relax Harry finally released. He choked out a moan and stilled his hips, pushing in so his cockhead was pressing deep into her, wishing he was coating her insides, filling her with her sperm. But as it was, this was not bad either. In fact, even with the stupid condom, it was really good. The best. He hissed as his cock throbbed inside of her, his long dick pumping his come out to the tip and into the condom.
She felt him twitching inside of her as his orgasm shot through his cock. He was a glorious sight to behold above her. His panted breaths and mouth dropped open as ecstasy took over his features. Her pussy was doing that to him. It made her smile as he stilled his hips and let out a low rumble. She did that to him. Sheâd made him come twice in one night. She made Harry Styles have two orgasms and he gave her three. Unheard of. Absolutely insane.
Her chest was still rising and falling heavily as Harry opened his eyes and looked down at her. She felt it, the way he looked at her. How connected they were. This wasnât just sex. Or maybe it was, she really wouldnât know because sheâd been out of the game for some time. Perhaps this was just how he was with everyone he fucked. Made them dreamy and drowsy and feel things deeply for him. His charm was off the charts. Perhaps it was just that. Maybe nothing more.
Harry leaned down kissed the edge of her mouth and then pressed his lips firmly over hers, his cock still half-hard inside of her. He could get used to this. She was so open with him and somehow they just worked together. And even though this was all physical, Harry couldnât help but wonder if this connection went beyond the physical. He did like her. A lot. Already. But that was how he was. Heâd fall in love and then fall out of it just as quickly. He had to be careful. Not to hurt himself. Not to hurt her. He gazed down at her with a tired smile.
âStay the night. Want you again in the morning. Would like to have you here with me in bed. Keep me warm.â
She swallowed and her heart thrashed in her chest. He was too good. This man could make anyone fall in love. She knew it. But she wasnât going to say no. She likely would never have the chance with him again. And if the following morning was anything like what had just happened, well, she quickly found herself nodding, âYes. Okay.â
. . .
She felt her thighs tingling and her hips were aching when she squinted her eyes open. She couldnât read the clock on the table next to the bed. Her vision was blurry but the sun was peeking through the cracks of the curtains. It was morning. And the only reason sheâd woken up was because Harry was lying behind her. He was moving the slightest with his chest pressed against her back and his breath on her neck.
She lifted her head and Harry perked up when he realized she was awake, âGood thing youâre awake. Was getting lonely here,â he spoke as he softly grazed his hand up over her tummy and then indulgently squeezed at her breast.
She swallowed and croaked out her words, âI would have slept longer I think.â
âYou can go back to sleep if you really want,â he suddenly shifted and rutted into her bottom and it was then that she felt his stiff cock pressing into her. She wasnât sure she was ready for more of him, âUm⌠Iâm a little sore-â
âYeah? Did I go too hard for you last night?â Harry continued pushing his cock into her cheeks. They were both naked so the sensation of his warm, big, prick pushing into her plump flesh was quite salacious.
âI actually loved it. Never thought Iâd like anything like thatâŚâ
âMmm⌠loved it you say? And youâre sure youâre too sore for one more? I can go in gently and make you come again. One more for the road?â He kissed her neck as he continued humping her. His cock was already leaking he was so hard for her, so needy for her pussy again.
Harry was quite convincing. And she was already getting turned on by the way he was pressing into her and kissing her neck. And he wanted her again?
âWell, if you can be gentle then I think Iâd like that.â
Harry smiled into her neck and massaged her breast in gratitude before bringing his hand down to her hip and pulling at her so he could see her pussy lips peeking out between the back of her thighs when he backed up just a bit and stroked his cock through her soft labia.
âYouâre already wet for me, baby. So needy for Daddyâs cock even when sheâs sore. Gonna take good care of you okay?â
Pressing his tip to her entrance he groaned when he realized he needed a condom. He felt like soon enough, if she wanted to stick around, theyâd forgo the safety measure. He wanted so badly to fuck her raw but it was too soon, âFuck. I need to grab a condom. Stay right here.â
Harry was back behind her in only a handful of moments. Sheâd already begun rubbing her clit in preparation for him. She wanted to make sure she was fully aroused and ready for his wide cock.
âGood girl. Keep rubbing yourself like that. See how juicy you are already? PerfectâŚâ he nearly purred as he pushed into her tight muscle. It was especially taut as he snapped forward and his wide crown finally popped into her. Once he had the swollen tip inside of her he pushed in until he was met with a bit of resistance. She was extra sensitive and snug but the sensation was incredible as her soft walls squeezed around him, the deeper he got the tighter it felt.
He was slow and gentle just like he said heâd be. He massaged her tit and kissed her neck and her jaw as he slowly rolled his hips into her.
âSâlike fucking an angel. Your pussy is so goddamn perfect, baby. Mâobessessed. Your body,â he pinched her nipple, âyour tits, your lips,â each part he commented on he fucked inward with a slightly harder push, just to make his point as he lowered his hand down the curve of her waist to her hip, âyour fine ass. All so perfect.â
Y/n breathed his words in as his cock drove into her deep, filling her so fully and perfectly. Those things had never been said to her before. Not in that way. She slipped her fingers back and forth over her clit and the tips of her fingers were grazing his cock as he fucked into her slowly, deeply. Everything was wet and perfect. He was right. This did feel perfect. Felt better than any other fucking ever. Harry was so good in bed. He hit all her spots (mentally and physically).
âI need it. Harry, I need it so bad,â she surprised herself as she moaned the words.
But suddenly Harry stopped, pushing his cock as deep as it could get and he grabbed her chin and turned her head so she could see him from her peripheral, âCall me Daddy when Iâm fucking you. Be a good girl and Iâll let you come again.â
Why did she find that so hot? So fucking appealing? She had no idea. It was like something had been turned on inside of her that she had no clue was lying there beneath the surface. Maybe it was just Harry. But whatever it was sheâd be fantasizing about this and needing this dominance in bed from any future partners.
âSorry. Yes, Daddy. Iâll be a good girl.â
Harry groaned and released her chin and began to pump into her plump folds and she sped up her fingers as he spoke into her ear, âSay it again. Say you need me.â
She swallowed and her face was boiling hot as Harryâs long cock pressed into her guts and then backed out, punching her walls apart with each plunge, âI⌠fuck⌠yesss! I need you, Daddy. PleaseâŚâ
Harry choked out a groan and smacked her bottom, âGod Iâm gonna imagine those words coming from your mouth every night. Say it again. Louder. Come on babyâŚâ
Her voice was shaky like her thighs as her brain began to unravel and her orgasm started to spring out from her center, âI need you, Daddy! Iâm your good girl!â She moaned as loudly as possible and Harry smiled with his cock happily coated in her.
Just then a knock came to the door, âMr. Styles?â Someone spoke from behind the wood.
âFuck,â Harry spoke lowly. He never stopped rolling his hips into hers as he shouted, âIâm busy!â
âSorry to bother you. But weâve been trying to call you all morning. We have a package delivery for you from the Secrist Gallery. Shall we just leave it out here?â
Everything paused. Y/n craned her neck to look at Harry and when their eyes met she saw his dark pupils and wet pink lips, messy hair. He was an angel, grinning at her, âJust leave it out there. Iâll be out soon.â
âSecrist Gallery? Did you-â
Harry pushed his mouth to hers and began to thrust again, speaking against her lips, âKeep rubbing that pussy for Daddy. Itâs time to come. Need you to come.â
Her half-melted brain complied and as Harry increased his pace their bodies began to slap together, wet noises coming from them on each stroke. Harry kept his tongue in her mouth and his fingers pinching her nipple as they writhed together.
She felt him slicing into her, his cock suddenly harder than steel inside of her and her fingers slippery over her clit. He was shaking, holding back his release and his kisses became sloppy, wet, wide-open-mouthed, tongue all over her lips and inside of her mouth.
She inhaled sharply when the dam broke. She moaned into his mouth and he moaned into hers as they both came at the same time, she pushed against him to get him deeper inside and he stuffed himself into the hilt, his balls thick and bursting tucked up against her as he spilled into his condom. Her vision went dark and her ears began to ring as Harry continued to kiss her, lick her, suck the life out of her.
It was insane how hard she came. She had never had a man so effortlessly work her up and make her come like Harry had. Wave after wave of electricity zipped through her body as she pulsed and sucked his cock in, gripping around him.
Eventually, they stopped moving and began to breathe again. Heavy pants and soft coos fell from their lips. The afterglow was incredible. Harry hadnât felt it like that before. And he hated that he had to leave. That he needed to send her off and go away to his next destination.
When her brain began to fit itself back together inside of her skull she turned again to look at him as he slid out, âDid you buy a painting? Of mine?â
Harry rolled onto his back and smirked at her, âI did.â
She laughed and smacked his chest, âWhich one? Why didnât you say anything? How did you do it? I didnât see you at the gallery.â
Harry sat up and pulled at Y/nâs arm, needing her closer, âI had one of my assistants go and take a photo of each one. I picked the one I liked the most. You named the piece The Lonely Dark. Love it. I loved a lot of them. But figured for now just one will do since Iâve got to have it shipped to LA.
The Lonely Dark. A sort of nod to her husband. What had been and the way she felt at night when she was alone with no one. She swallowed and Harry kissed her cheek, âIs it okay that I bought one? Is that weird?â
Y/n laughed and shook her head, âNo. Iâm flattered that Harry Styles wanted to buy a painting of mine. Iâm gonna tell everyone that you own one of my pieces now.â
âYeah? Maybe Iâll invite you to my house in LA when I get back to the States after the next leg of my tour so you can see where Iâve hung it.â
She pushed at him in jest, âYeah right. Donât tease. You donât actually want me at your private home.â
Harry grabbed her hand and brought it up to his chest with a frown on his face, âWhy wouldnât I?â
Shaking her head she blinked her eyes, âBecause. Youâre Harry Styles. Iâm some girl from the Midwest who paints. Iâm just saying, donât say things like that when you donât mean it.â
âBut I meant it. I really like you, Y/n. I want to see you again.â
It was unexpected. She didnât imagine heâd actually be inviting her to his home or telling her he wanted to see her again. But she was so stunned by his admission that she couldnât think of anything to say except, âWell then youâre gonna need to give me your number.â
 Chapter 2
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You're Keeping Me Down
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader (she/her)
WC: ~5.8k
TW: mentions of trauma, mentions of Maeve, kissing, previous relationships, swearing, alcohol, so much crying, bad decisions, girlbossing
A/N: ayo....angsty teehee. I hope y'all like it! It's a sequel to Dedicated to New Lovers and was inspired mainly by Sara Bareilles's Gravity, some Harry Styles, and other sad songs. I hope y'all enjoy it!! I really do love reading all of your comments, and tags, and feedback because it makes me so happy to know you guys are enjoying the writing!! <3
âYou may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.â ~Maya Angelou
Something always brought you back to Doctor Spencer Reid. No matter how hard you tried, no matter how much you fought it, something about the universe could not keep you away from him for too long.Â
It was like the two of you were attached at opposite ends of a string, always pulling you towards one another, ignoring whatever you had been feeling beforehand.Â
There was nothing you could do to escape him. You had tried traversing the globe, studying in Greece and Turkey, or taking vacations in the most remote villages of China; you had even done a two-week expedition traveling to Antarctica. But somehow, some way, Spencer Reid stayed in the back of your mind.Â
Sometimes, it was like he was right next to you. You could still feel him next to you in your bed, or if you were alone in your car, your hand was absently reaching toward the passenger seat, only to feel the leather and not his leg.Â
Maybe it was because all of those stupid little facts he had spouted to you were resting in the back of your mind, popping up when youâd come across anything he would have told you about.Â
It was something you missed. He would just ramble on about anything to you, watching the joy on his face as he continued to speak, so grateful to have an audience, to have someone who cared. But youâd have to remind yourself that Spencer chose her as his audience instead of you.Â
Her.Â
The guilt of Maeveâs death followed you around more than Spencer did. At first, it was anything to do with therapists. The thought of choosing someone to speak to outside of your circle was a betrayal you had felt, and you couldnât bring yourself to do the same. Then it was your distrust of your friends, watching as they became less and less frequent in your life.Â
Work was all-consuming. You knew this fact well. Being one of the top profilers in the FBI meant that news of your transfer went fast, and the job offers came even quicker. But you decided to take some time off to rediscover the girl you once knew, someone outside her job.Â
The BAU was simply your life for the past eight years. You worked at the BAU, you dated inside of the BAU, and your friends were all within the BAUâIt was honestly a joke that it all had decided to come crumbling down once you felt secure in your life, in your job, in your relationship.Â
You had filed the paperwork that allowed you to take two months of paid leave, not to leave the department. Your social media suddenly became filled with images of Ancient Greek monuments, Italian Vineyards, the French and Swiss Alps, and cities you once only visited in your wildest dreams.Â
Escaping reality was the best way to rediscover who you are. And so you tried.
When you returned from your two months, you had walked into the BAU bullpen and straight to Hotchâs office. Your skin was tanner, and your hair was a bit lighter from all of the sun. You were suddenly this confident woman again, but you werenât who you were before, making you nearly unrecognizable.Â
âY/N, please come in.âÂ
You smiled warmly at Hotch, giving him a quick hug.Â
âYou look good. How were your travels?âÂ
You smiled and leaned against the wall, not wanting to sit since that meant you would be here longer than you wanted.Â
âIt was everything I needed it to be, Hotch .â You nodded to the file on his desk with your name on it. âI take it Garcia âaccidentallyâ discovered my file and decided to drop it off?âÂ
Hotch sighed and opened the file, looking over at you. âOf course she did. I thought you were just transferring after your leave; I didnât know you were leaving the Bureau entirely.âÂ
You nodded, a sad smile making its way onto your face.Â
Hotch looked at you, replicating the same sad smile.Â
âI wanted to tell you in person since I didnât want you to find out via paperwork, but I should have known to come to your office first and then file it instead of filing it on my way to your office.âÂ
A soft chuckle passed through Hotchâs lips as he nodded. âWeâre going to miss you more than before, Y/N.âÂ
âI won't be gone forever, Hotch. You canât get rid of me that easily.âÂ
âI know.â He rounded the desk, giving you a quick hug, arm on your shoulder. âYou have my number.âÂ
You gave him a quick smile, nodding, âDonât worry, Jack will still be getting weekly updates about my travels, and expect a box of goodies occasionally. I have to uphold my reigning title of the coolest aunt ever.âÂ
As you left Hotchâs office, you didnât notice Spencer at the coffee station. You didnât see as he watched you quickly drop a note off on Emilyâs desk and another on Derekâs desk before stepping into the elevator for the last time for the next two years.Â
You didnât notice the heartbreak in his eyes, and you didnât notice the fact that he had overheard as you told Hotch you werenât coming back to the FBI at all.Â
But somehow, you found yourself back in that same elevator, visitor badge clipped to the new dress you had received as a gift from a friend during your month-long stay in India last year. The fabric draped across your body, highlighting how beautiful your curves were, and the colors brought out this newfound radiance in your skin, your eyes, your smile...
Color was the newest development in your life. The BAU meant that everything was in professional shades of blue, black, white, or maybe a subdued purple or green if you felt risky. But suddenly, your wardrobe burst through the rainbow as you experimented with patterns and shades, basking in this newfound joy beyond the world of suits.Â
Eighteen months of experimentingâwith life, with colors, with places you called home, with love.
You had two brief âlove affairsâ as Garcia lovingly called them. One was only two weeks long, but the other was a few months. Yet both were missing something special and could barely converse with you. Maybe that was how Spencer felt. And the sex wasnât all that great either. Â
And yet, after Eighteen months, an award, four nominations, a cat, a mediocre short-term relationship, and one groundbreaking dissertation that led to a Ph.D. later, you found yourself back in that damned elevator.Â
You inhaled sharply as you heard the tiny ding, doors opening up to a sight that made your stomach twist. It was truly bittersweet to be back, to visit the place that once carried everything in your life, and to have it be so foreign to you.Â
But what was not so foreign was how one Derek Morgan looked up as the door opened and his eyes filled to the brim with light.Â
âWell, well, well, look who it is.â He dropped his file on his desk and met you in the middle of the side aisle of the bullpen, pulling you into a bone-crushing hug. âMy woman.â He muttered into your hair, giving you an extra squeeze before pulling away slightly.Â
âWhatâs up, sexy.â You laughed, thrilled to hear he hadnât changed too much while you were away.Â
âIâm sexy? Have you seen yourself recently?â He laughed, and you gave him a twirl, eager to show off one of your favorite dresses. âAnd where did you get this? Wait, wait, let me guess.âÂ
You pursed your lips, failing to hide the smile that was beaming across your face.Â
âWas it your time in Taiwan? No noâŚPakistan?âÂ
âSo close. India. Maybe next time, champ.â You patted his arm, turning your head at the gasp behind me.Â
âDo my eyes deceive me, or is that Doctor Y/N Y/L/N, world traveler extraordinaire?âÂ
âJJ, you saw me three days ago.âÂ
JJ pulled you into a hug. âYeah, over Facetime,â she grumbled, not even trying to pretend she was upset at the sight of you in person. âYou seriously have to stop sending Henry so much stuff.âÂ
âSome of it is for the other one, too.â You muttered to her, knowing she wasnât fully public with her pregnancy at the BAU just yet.Â
âIâll be right back, I promise, I just have to say hi to Hotch first.â You placed your hands on their arms, turning towards Hotchâs office. As you went to knock on the door, it opened, leaving you face to face with the only person you werenât ready to confront just yet.Â
âHi.â He breathed out.
And fuck you, he looked so good.Â
âHi, Spencer.âÂ
You watched as a wave of emotion rippled across his face. His name almost tasted weird in your mouth, not something youâve often said in the two years apart.Â
âIâll, um..â He moved to step out of the way, letting you maneuver into Hotchâs office.Â
But you had also tried to move, causing you and Spencer to almost collide, causing his hand to barely grace your waist. A spark flew through your skin at the thought of his touch, causing goosebumps up and down your body.Â
You both muttered an apology, eyes not leaving the other until you quickly moved into Hotchâs office, causing him to move back, still watching as you closed the door in his face.
While you spoke to Hotch, catching up, Spencer was down in the bullpen at his desk, barely even trying to move them away from the windows.Â
JJ and Derek stood around his desk, looking from the office to Spencer and back again.Â
âSheâs back.â He said simply when Kate approached them, wondering why they were all standing around, staring at Hotchâs office.Â
âWho?â Kate crossed her arms, looking between the agents, hoping for an answer.
Spencer said your name for the first time in a very long time. And it was almost as if his brain whirred to life, like some part of him had been dormant for a long time.Â
âDoctor.âÂ
Spencer gave Derek a weird look. âWhat?âÂ
âItâs Doctor Y/N Y/L/N now, Pretty Boy.âÂ
Spencer let his mouth fall into a small oh, letting his mind sink deeper and deeper into the pit of you.Â
When you had originally left, Spencer decided to try and ignore you. It didnât work, but he wouldnât seek you out purposefully. He never looked up your name and tried to steer clear of the conversations involving you. But he wondered why you had never mentioned wanting to get a doctorate beforehand. He would have remembered something like that. He should have remembered something like that. ______________________________________________________________
The thought of Spencerâs fingers on your waist was the only thing you could think about for the rest of the day. Your skin hadnât stopped tingling, and suddenly you wanted to drown in his touch, let his hands roam over your body andâ âStop it.â You said out loud as you put in your earrings.Â
Your mind wasnât playing far.Â
âWhat did you say, sweetheart?âÂ
âNothing, just talking to myself!â You called back, sighing as you smoothed out the front of the dress you had changed into.Â
The team had decided to throw you a welcome-back party that night, generously hosted by David Rossi. And since they had all wanted an excuse to get dressed up, you gave them that much, meaning you had to dawn heels and a touch of makeup to accentuate the features you wanted. It also meant you got to pull out another stunning dress you had bought.Â
Celebrating your doctorate, which you completed a year early, you had flown to Milan with Emily Prentiss and decided to go shopping, which is how you ended up with the current dress you were wearing.Â
It fits you in all the right places, showing off just enough cleavage to be tasteful but maybe tempt something a bit more. You wondered if Spencer would likeâ
âGod, I forgot how hot you look in that dress.âÂ
âEmily Prentiss, I could kiss you on the mouth.âÂ
Emily laughed and looped her arm through yours, staring at the two of you in the mirror.Â
âThank you for flying in on such short notice.â You whispered, unable to take your eyes off of the reflection staring back at you.
âWe can call the whole thing off right nowâŚâ
You shook your head and smiled at her. âItâs for me. And I really want some of Rossiâs cooking right about now. Especially now that I can compare my worldly experiences with the Italian Masterchef himself.â You laughed, causing Emily to laugh with you.Â
âLet's get going, yeah?âÂ
The ride to Rossiâs house on the outskirts of Washington D.C. made for a relaxing drive, filled with updates from your best friend about each otherâs lives, even though it had only been a month since you had seen each other last.Â
âI think youâre being perfectly reasonable, hun.âÂ
âYouâre saying that because all I do is cry these days,â you grumbled, kissing the head of the black cat in your lap.Â
Emily laughed and took a sip of her wine. âOr maybe I just know that you need a change of scenery. Youâve dedicated your entire life to the BAU and now you need to explore the entire rest of the world.âÂ
âI think you just want to go to Greece with me.âÂ
âYou know how much I love Mamma MiaâŚ.â
You cracked a smile and picked up your glass. âMaybe Em, Iâm not sureâŚI justâŚâ
Emily watched as you looked up, trying to keep the tears from your eyes.Â
âI know heâs not worth the tears,â you mumbled, but you exhaled slowly. âItâll just hit me sometimes.âÂ
She stayed quiet, watching as you slowly worked through whatever was happening in your head.Â
âItâs like heâs right next to me sometimes. IâŚItâs like sometimes my own head is against me for not talking to him. I heard a song the other day, and I immediately turned to tell him something about it andâItâs like heâs ruling over my mindââ You huffed angrily. âI feel like Iâm not making any senseâgod.â You downed your wine and placed the glass on the table. âMaybe Iâm just meant to wallow and drink wine and be completely useless for the rest of my lifeâŚpast my prime, past my worth. I was soâI was so fucking sure he was the oneâŚLike there's this strong attachment to my chest and Iâm connected to him for eternity, regardless of whether he loves me or not.âÂ
Emily pulled you into her arms while you cried, rubbing your back.Â
âYou are so much more than him, hun. You will go out in the world, figure out who you are again, and stand so tall, just how youâre supposed to.â
âSo tall.â Emily looked at you as she parked the car in Rossiâs driveway.Â
âJust the way Iâm supposed to be.â You whispered, looking over at her, smiling. ______________________________________________________________
Youâve been to Rossiâs more times than you could ever admit, but it managed to take your breath away every single time. After his first wife had passed away, he had put in a garden near the edge of his backyard, providing beautiful color for you to look at from the porch.Â
Somehow, you always had a half-full glass, managing to have someone always get you a new drink when you seemed low.Â
You managed to talk to Jack and Henry, telling them all about the wonders of the world you had seen, then being pulled away by Garcia to discuss that brief love affair you had in Argentina, which then led to telling Derek about your time in England, studying for your doctorate.Â
Gratefully, you excused yourself when Rossi announced that dinner had been served, leading you to the tables set up in the backyard, filled to the brim with all your favorite foods. He had simply done too much.Â
Dinner was filled with smiles, laughs, and chatter about the âgood ol daysâ and the newer memories being made. You had become acquainted with Kate Callahan, Emilyâs replacement. She seemed nice enough, but you both were hesitant of one another.Â
Spencer was sitting across the table from you. The two of you would catch glances at one another, passing moments where you couldnât help but notice the way the wind ruffled his hair or the way the gardenâs fairy lights reflected in his eyes.Â
âSo, what brings you back to Washington,â Hotch asks you the question every person at the table has been dying to hear the answer to.Â
âOh! WellâŚâ You blushed slightly and shrugged. âItâs not that big of a deal, but I was just offered a position at Georgetown as an adjunct professor. If I take it, Iâll teach classes for at least the next semester. That is if I like it more than Kingâs College in London..â
The table erupted into congratulations, ending with a toast from Rossi.
You all raised your glass in âSalutâ, and took a sip from your drink, but you couldn't help but look at Spencer, who was already looking at you.Â
Excusing yourself from the table, you went inside quickly, walking towards the kitchen sink. You ran your hands under the cool water before splashing it across your face.Â
âY/nâŚâ
There it was. The moment you had been dreading. The two of you were alone, no one else to buffer you, no one else to take your arm and drag you to the dance floor.Â
âSpencer.â You turned around, your body leaning against the sink. God, you felt so small, so unable to watch yourself.Â
âThatâs aâthatâs a beautiful dress.âÂ
âMilan.â You mused, fiddling with the ring on your pinky finger, unable to look away from the man before you.Â
âAh.âÂ
The silence hurt. Watching the two of you must have been painful because you could feel it. You once told this man everything about yourself; he once knew how your day went by one singular sigh. He could have told you what you were in the mood to eat for breakfast just by how you woke up.Â
But now, you didnât even know what to say.Â
âGeorgetown.âÂ
You nodded and looked down at your nails, seeming that they felt like a safer bet to look at. âYeah, uhâŚshould be fun. Can Iââ You looked up at him. âCan I ask you something?âÂ
Spencerâs head nodded, and you pursed your lips, looking out the window and watching as your friends and family all laughed together and ate together.Â
âWhen I wasâŚum.â You cleared your throat, willing away the tears that had instantly sprung to your eyes. âWhen I was packing up all my stuff two years agoâŚI found theâŚW-Was it for her orâŚâ You braced yourself for impact. Waiting for him to respond.Â
Spencerâs eyes glassed over, and his mouth formed a small oh. He fiddled with his ring finger and looked out past you through the window. He couldnât bear to watch the travesty he was about to cause.Â
âYou.âÂ
âOh.â Fuck this. Fuck. You had sobbed over finding it for three hours while packing and then sobbed again as you moved out. Somehow, hearing it out loud was worse.Â
He was going to propose to you.
Spencer Reid had wanted to marry you. And god, that hurt. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, and then he told you that he wasnât in love with you anymore.Â
You didnât care if you were reserving a spot in hell for yourself by damning an already dead woman. Her death meant Spencer could feel an ounce of the grief you just dug up. A sliver of the pain.Â
Suddenly, you felt his hand on your jaw, a thumb on your cheek, wiping away the tear that had escaped your eye. âI am so sorry.â He whispered.Â
And that broke the damn.Â
He pulled you into his arms, and you let him, surrounding yourself with Spencer. Letting the smell of his cologne wash over you, letting him squeeze you tightly like he used to so long ago. The feeling of his chest rising and falling gave you such comfort that your brain was screaming at you to run away from it. You had finally built all your walls back up; you felt as if you could finally exist, but here in his arms, the world was silent.Â
In his arms, you felt fragile; you felt so small. All of the strength you had was gone. And it felt so fucking good to not have to be the strong one, the person with the brave face.Â
âIâm so sorry.âÂ
His lips kissed your hair, arm running up and down your back, trying so desperately to bring back that sense of comfort he once could provide you. And it was fucking working. God, why was it working. Why did it feel good? Why couldnât you pull away?Â
âSpenceâŚâ You mumbled into his shirt, that had been stained by your tears. You shook your head. âI canâtâŚWe canâtâŚâ
He pulled away from you slightly, eyes saddened, and you couldnât tell if it was because you were rejecting him or because he still loved you just as much as you loved him.Â
âI love you.âÂ
You pulled away from the kiss, hand on his chest, smiling brightly at him. âWhat?â
It was the most beautiful you had ever looked, Spencer decided.Â
Your lips were puffy from how much the two of you were kissing, hair messy from his hands running through it, eyes wide with just as much love repeated in his own.Â
âI love you.â He repeated, smiling beyond measure.
âSay it again.â You mumbled, yanking him back down to your lips, kissing him again and again.Â
âI love you so much, y/n y/l/n.âÂ
You pulled away, laughter filling up the entire room. Pure joy echoed and bounced off of the walls.Â
Spencer bit his lip, pulling away slightly. You hadnât set it back.Â
âSpenceâŚâ You cupped both cheeks with your hand, thumb rubbing over his bottom lip. âI love you too.âÂ
Just saying it caused you to giggle, full of love and pure joy.Â
Loving anyone else would have caused you to gagâit still does.Â
But the memory makes you shudder, causing you to step out of his arms, quickly wiping away your tears or trying your best to.Â
The thought of love made you want to rip your head off. It made you want to sink to the bottom of the ocean and never resurface.Â
Spencer said your name, making you shake your head.Â
âYou donât love me Spencer. You havenât for a long time.â The admission caused a resurgence of tears, making him take a step towards you. âNo, Spencer, no.âÂ
You shook your head again. âI-I canâtâŚyou hurt me. YouâŚyou left me for someone you had never even met. She wasâgod.âÂ
âI never loved her the way I love you.âÂ
âNo.â You whispered, chest heaving. âNo, no. You canât..fuck. Donât say that shitâwhy would you say that shit to me.âÂ
âBecause it's the truth.â He said softly, too calmly for you to just ignore it.Â
âHow can you stand there and say that to me? You donât mean itâYou canât..â The past two yearâs worth of therapy, of moving on, of becoming your own, came crumbling down because fuck, you didnât know what to believe anymore. âHow can you justâŚYou donât fucking mean it.âÂ
âI know you donât believe me, but Iââ
âDonât believe you?â You laughed at that, tears mixing with the stabs in your chest, dropping past your mouth as it laughed and laughed and laughed. âThen why did you fucking leave me. WhyâWhyâWhy did you tell me to move out andâŚGod Spencer, why did you come here tonight.âÂ
You were almost hysterical at that point; all Spencer could do was watch. He couldn't touch you because every time he tried, youâd move away or lose some part of your mind even more.Â
âWhat about me was soâsoâso, so boring, so understimulating to you, so desperately ignorant that you told me you didnât love me anymore, that you kicked me out of our home, that made you reconsider wanting to marry me. And you know, I get it, I do. You found someone on your level intellectually, I get it. But still, I thought I was going to spend the rest of my lifeâwhat did she have that I didnât, huh? What about her made her more appealing to talk to than me? âÂ
âSheâŚâ
âShe what, Spencer.â
âI wasnâtââ
âNo.â You were leaning back against the counter, trying to gain some semblance of yourself back from the spiral you were on. âDonât lie to me. Donât give me some âunworthyâ thought process because maybe youâre fucking eidetic memory doesnât remember all of the conversations we used to have, but I fucking do. I couldnât cut them out of my skin if I tried, and god did I try.âÂ
Spencer stared at you, dumbfounded. He didnât know what to do; he couldnât function. All he could do was watch the pieces of you shatter all over, reliving the exact moments you were, but instead of being able to make it right, all he could watch as you closed yourself off more and more.Â
âY-you tried?âÂ
âGod, Spencer, did you even look at me during those months.âÂ
âIâŚâ He just looked at you, really looked at you. âI couldnât.â
You scoffed, wiping away the tears on your cheeks, and straightened out your dress.Â
âThe only fucking thing I know is that if I donât walk away now, then I will hate myself for the rest of my life for letting you talk me back into loving you again. And the worst part is, I still do. I donât think I could ever love anyone again because of how much love I have for you, after everything we had been through, butââ
He kissed you.
Or you kissed him.Â
You werenât sure.Â
But all you knew was that his hands were on your waist, and your hands were on his cheeks, and his lips were touching yours, and everything felt so right within the world, and your body was against his and justâ
âFuck.â You quickly pulled away, both of you panting, staring at one another, unsure about what happened.Â
You two just stared at one another for what felt like forever until you heard Emily call your name from the porch. You took another step away, back against the kitchen counter, smoothing your hair and crossing your arms.Â
Emily walked in and eyed the two of you, misreading the tension as something more antagonistic from before than what had actually happened.Â
âUh, Rossi made you a cakeâŚâ She looked between the both of you, watching as you nodded at her, standing up fully. You followed behind her, sparing one last look at Spencer, who was just looking at where you were standing.Â
______________________________________________________________
âUh, hi, sorry, could you point me toward Agent Hotchnerâs Office.âÂ
The person whose shoulder you tapped turned around and gave you one of the most beautiful smiles you had ever seen.Â
âWell hello, gorgââ
âDerek. Donât be rude.â The woman next to Derek had elbowed him in the ribs, preventing more HR training for the both of them. âHi. You must be Y/n. Iâm Penelope, and thatâs Derek, donât mind him.â She looped her arm through yours and started to lead you towards the little staircase on the side of the room.Â
âHotchâs office is right up here.âÂ
âIâThank you, Penelope.â You smiled at her.Â
âIâve read your file.â She whispered, smiling back at you. âIâm really excited to work with you because you are one impressive woman, let me tell you.âÂ
You blushed slightly, about to respond, but Penelope had knocked on Hotchâs door, causing a voice to tell you to âcome in.âÂ
âWelcome to the team.â She pulled away, leaving you to enter Aaron Hotchnerâs office for the first of many times.Â
You opened the door and smiled at the man at the desk. âHi, Iâmââ
âY/n Y/l/n, You have a very impressive resume. Please, take a seat.â He stood to shake your hand, gesturing to the chair before his desk. You quickly scanned the photos along the walls, the books on his shelves.Â
âEveryone knows who I am before I know who they are.â You laughed slightly, taking the seat.Â
âYes, well, Weâre all very excited to have you join us here.âÂ
The memory of your first day hit you like a wave when Aaron pulled your seat out for you back at the table outside. You stalled for only a second, but it was long enough for any of the various profilers at the table to notice something was off.Â
You smiled through the speeches, and you laughed at the jokes and cried at the sweetness of your friends, but you were somewhere far away, dreaming about the moments that led you up to where you were.Â
âAnd that is why I am glad to have you back because clearly, the universe respects you enough to let us all come together to celebrate the return of our Y/n.â You raised your glass and cheer with Rossi, standing up to hug him.Â
âNow.â You smiled at all of the faces that looked up at you. âLet us eat cake!!âÂ
The table erupted and while Rossi cut slices for each of you, you sat back down, listening to what Garcia was telling you, but your eyes kept darting to the person directly across from you.Â
You could feel his eyes any time they were on you, and you knew they were fleeting glances, but it was just too much.Â
âWant to take a walk with me through the rose garden?âÂ
You nodded, standing up and accepting Derekâs arm, letting him lead you towards the garden, enjoying the fresh air and the sudden weight off of your shoulders. You couldnât feel his gaze anymore but you knew he was still looking at you.Â
âWhatâs next on your list of adventures.â Derek looked at you, watching the millions of emotions race across your face before settling on a smile and a shrug.Â
âIâm not sure yet. You know about Georgetown, but I donât know about D.C. anymoreâŚ.â
Derek nodded and pulled out the chair at the small wire table. It sat under a trellis filled with gorgeously bloomed roses and babyâs breath. The smell was almost overwhelmingly fragrant.Â
You gratefully took it and watched as he went and sat across from you.Â
âYou looked like you got a bit overwhelmed back there.âÂ
âWhat happened to not profiling me like I asked?âÂ
Derek chuckled, âItâs not profiling if itâs written on your sleeve.âÂ
You sighed and looked out at some of the flowers. âI don'tâŚâ
He let you work through it in your mind, just glad to keep you company while you figured your shit out.Â
Eventually, you spoke up. âItâs weird.âÂ
Derek hummed in agreement.Â
âI donât know. Just. I felt like I was doing so well, and I was becoming my own person, figuring out who I was, and then I come back here, and suddenly Iâm back to being that twenty-two-year-old kid who breezed her way through the academy. Itâs like I did everything in my power to end up where I did, and then the universe told me I fucked up and should have done something else.âÂ
âI donât think you fucked up in the slightest. Do you know how many people you saved?â
You went to brush off his comment, but Derek didnât let you get a word in.Â
âI know your entire world got completely fucked over, but you were meant to be in BAU. You were supposed to be there. I cannot think of my life without you, I know Garcia canât, and I know Emily would tear you a new one if you even brought up to her the possibility that you being in her life was a mistake.âÂ
âYeah, and now Iâm thirty, with a doctorate and a cat, and no idea what to do with my life.âÂ
âBut you also just spent the last two years seeing the worldâhow many countries did you go toâŚâ
You pursued your lips, trying to count in your head. A blush spread across your face as you mumbled the number.Â
âSorry, wanna repeat that for me?âÂ
âAt least fiftyâŚâÂ
âThatâs what I thought.â A very proud look crossed Derek's face, smiling at you.Â
You looked down at your left hand, fiddling with your ring finger. No matter how hard Derek tried, no matter how much you enjoyed his company and the way he was keeping your ego healthily inflated, you couldnât stop thinking about the fact that you could have been marriedâyou could have been happy.Â
âHe told me when he bought it.âÂ
Your eyes snapped to Derekâs, and he looked at you with such soft eyes.Â
That was something you had always loved about Derek. No matter how much he cared for you, no matter how gently he was being, he never treated you like a piece of glass.
âHe, uh, I was the only one he told.âÂ
You nodded, waiting for him to continue.Â
âWhen did you find it?âÂ
âWhen I was moving my things out of the apartment.âÂ
âDamnâŚâÂ
âYeah.â You laughed. It was colder than usual but still antagonistic at the whole situation. âIâŚum. I found it on the last day when I was cleaning out my bedside table. He knew I never went into the bottom drawer because I literally never kept anything in there, but I checked because, you know, I was asked to leave, andâŚthere it was. It was justâŚItâs ironic, really, how perfect it was, too. They say that if a guy canât get the ring right, then heâs not the one for you, but no one preps you on if itâs the perfect ring, perfect size, but you had just broken up two days before you found itâŚâÂ
Derek nodded, letting you ramble.Â
âI feel like Iâm being weighed down by a million different things, yet theyâre all him.âÂ
âWhat are you going to do about it?â
âI have no fucking idea.âÂ
"Sometimes good things fall apart, so that better things can fall together." ~ Marilyn Monroe
Part 3
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Tags: @lilrios-world @gubzgirl @mynameisnotokay @hereforfun22-blog @yoursarahg @mega-kittyglitter-1 @onlyspence
#x reader#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x you#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid angst#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid#criminal minds fanfic#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds x reader#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x reader fluff#spence reid x reader angst
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Hello Everyone! This is masterlist #4 (June of 2023!) for the all fics I have reblogged on this side blog I hold super close to me. Remember to leave feedback and reblog all the writings below!
Also, a huge thank you to all the writers mentioned, I adore you so very much and I hope you keep writing for yourselves <3
â˘â˘â˘ JUNE â˘â˘â˘
Valentine's Day | Y/N receives a special candy gram on Valentineâs Day. - @nationalharryleague
French Fries | Harry kept glancing at her as he drove. âMâsorry about our date,â he whispered. âI donât know what youâre apologizing for,â she shrugged and reached over to squeeze his arm while he held the steering wheel. âI had a lovely time.â - @1d1195
Shy | Close | Motherly Love | Don't Leave Me | Mother's Day | ⥠When Harry runs into a perfect stranger at a supermarket, he doesnât know what to expect. After having been single for over a year and raising Amelia without a mother, dating somebody new feels impossible⌠that is, until she wins over the heart of his daughter. - @harry-writings
Vogue Beauty Secrets | Actress!Y/N does the Vogue Beauty Secrets video, and Harry decides to help. - @astranva
Gonna be Better in the Morning | Jeff and reader get into a fight and Harry takes Jeff's side. (As always, there is a happy ending with lots of comforts) - @harryhoney-bee
Work of Art | A cute little fluffy artist!Harry piece with a hint of angst! - @nationalharryleague
Update | The Best Present | Harry falls for a mysterious girl from YouTube. - @watchmegetobsessed
When The Levee Breaks | You're a waitress and Harry is being stood up. - @songbirdstyles
Playball | ⥠The reader owns a bakery and hates baseball, but what happens when her townâs bigshot MLB player walks into her bakery and she finds herself catching feelings unaware of his occupation? - @writingsbymarie
The Con Artist | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | ⥠You're a wanted criminal and when Harry Styles, the detective on the case, finally catches up to you- he finds it difficult to resist your charms. - @gurugirl
Baby Steps | Youâre Harryâs son's therapist, and he isnât the only one you end up helping. - @enthusiasticharry
Mute | âĄâĄ Where Harry doesnât talk and falls in love with Y/n. - @harry-writings
Score and Smash | In which their university holds an annual boy vs girl football match, the highly anticipated game of the year has arrived and Harry and Y/N hate each other just as equally until Y/N is under Harry.
Quid Pro Quo | Another lawyer!Harry. Technically six years before this piece. Enemies to lovers with plenty of angst! - @talesofstyles
Six Months (Part 23) | ⥠Layla desperately needs a vacation and her Aunt and Uncle come to her rescue. So, at twenty two, she packs her bag and jets off to America. Harry took a break from education and is now a full fledged content creator on OnlyFans. At twenty, he makes more money than almost all of his friends. What ensues when these two meet and realise the windows in their rooms face each other? How will paper airplanes bring them closer together? - @fishnets-fingers
2022 : Masterlist #1 , #2 , #3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. 2023 : Masterlist #1, 2, 3 (June masterlist would be continued in the next list!)
My official writing account in case you'd like to check out my fics too: @0oolookitsme :)
#harry styles#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles x reader#harry styles angst#harry styles fluff#harry styles smut#harry styles x y/n#harry styles x fem!reader#harry styles fic rec#harry styles one shot#harry styles blurb#harry styles fic recommendation#fic rec#harry styles fan fic#harry styles au#harry styles concept
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