#a lot of people claim to want that kind of honesty in their life but when it means being told that they were wrong it's suddently bad

[thesmokinpossum]

while i'm complaining  about men, I just got told in a slightly passive-aggressive tone by a man i've known for less than 5 months that "clearly, validating people's feelings is not my strongest suit" because I told him as kindly as I could that while he can call me when he's having panic attack, there's no real guarantee that i'm gonna be available and even less guarantee that i'm gonna be able to comfort him in whatever way in need, especially if he need any type of physical comfort and I'm just sitting there like...You know what my dude, if that's gonna make you get over your annoying ass desire to hug me then feel free to assume that i'm actually even meaner than that, imagine me as the world biggest bitch all you want, i'm fine with it

[vivmaek]

MARS SIGN OBSERVATIONS

♂ Pisces Mars - I think Lennie Small from “Of Mice and Men,” would have this placement. This is a person who is seemingly harmless, and yet they still managed to cause harm and destruction through indirect action. When looking at someone with a Pisces Mars, their innocence and an assumed lack of strength is noticed first. These are kind people. They would rather harm themselves over another person. Their first instinct isn’t to attack, but to defend. When angry, they appear to be caught up within a panic. A Pisces Mars is driven by their big dreams. They might not always know what they want out of life, and their goals and ambitions may change frequently. This does not mean that they are incapable of finding success. If anything, their unwavering belief in themselves and their ability to achieve the impossible is what takes them to great heights. Hope is everything for someone with this placement, it’s what gets them out of bed in the morning. 

♂ Aquarius Mars - It's hard to pin someone with this placement down. Their actions don’t make sense to other people. Aquarius does a good job showing its eccentricity through Mars. The rules of society and the opinions of others do not dictate their actions. These types are constantly surprising people, and they like this. The public will often speculate about those with an Aquarius Mars. Theories are formed about them, no one can guess what they’re going to do next. In my opinion, this is the most rebellious Aquarius placement. They live their life in a manner that is truly unconventional. People with this placement are not aggressive, but they are clever. They like outsmarting people. A sense of superiority can sometimes act as a driving force. They go out of their way to make the people around them feel stupid if they’re in a foul mood. Their need for independence will never be forsaken. 

♂ Capricorn Mars - Hard work doesn’t scare these people off. They’ll put in whatever energy is needed to complete a project or endeavor. A strong sense of ambition and an excellent sense of focus are traits commonly seen with this placement. They’re quite secure in themselves and exercise self control through all their actions. Discipline motivates them. They take their responsibilities seriously and expect others to do the same. A Capricorn Mars goes above and beyond what is expected of them. They do this through a step-by-step process and practical planning. Cutting corners or taking the easy way out is something you’d never catch them doing. These types want to maintain control over every aspect of their life. They become angry when plans are thrown into a disarray through unexpected events. “Going with the flow,” is not a strong suit of theirs. Their need for security is what motivates them. 

♂ Sagittarius Mars - People with this placement are incredibly restless. They lack patience and need many different outlets to pour their energy into. They are easy going but are also quickly overtaken by passion. Crossing their moral beliefs is a good way to get them riled up. They like to believe that their opinions are more intellectual than they are emotional. When angry they like to get up on a soap box to lecture people. When people don’t agree with them, it can sometimes feel like criticism. They also don’t consider how their tendency to dish out brutal honesty may actually be more hurtful than it is impactful. They often act as a spark that ignites fire, in both a positive and a negative way.

♂ Scorpio Mars - The definition of “moving in silence.” Lots of people claim to do this, but a Scorpio Mars wouldn’t be caught making such a claim. They’re smarter than that. They know that hardship and struggle are inevitable. This does not scare them, but they also don’t fight against the natural currents of life. During certain points, their sense of ambition is so relentless that it becomes obsessive. But, this can only last so long. Rest and recuperation is a process they embrace. After acting on an immense level of concentration for a long period of time, they will need to take a step back to reassess goals. Rather than just accepting things for the way they are, a Scorpio Mars would rather make changes. If they feel that a path is ill-suited for them, they’re not afraid to change directions. Starting from zero is not discouraging and it is something that motivates these types. They have the power to turn nothing into something great. 

♂ Libra Mars - Mars is uncomfortable being in Libra. People with this placement often struggle with taking action and are as indecisive as they come. They get caught up in what's fair and what isn’t. They have a strong need to strike equality and want every situation to be as balanced as possible. Some might be surprised to know that the ultimate desire for these types is to garner a sense of peace. They might unintentionally stir the pot through their inability to take a strong stance on something. They want to weigh all the options possible and can become stressed trying to do so. Being passive-aggressive is also something that's frequently seen with this placement. These types think they’re being nice when in reality they’re making people uncomfortable through their fear of being direct. They’re sneaky when faced with conflict but also good at leading people into a resolution. 

[star-anise]

Everyone's got a take, and I've got a take too, about the current Internet Villain: James Somerton, a gay Youtuber who just got exposed (in the back half of a 4-hour video) as massively plagiarizing the work of LGBTQ+ media critics, historians, and memoirists, and then exposed in another 2-hour video as just making up the wildest nonsense about the topics he demonstrably had access to accurate information on.

He achieved a six-figure income on his work by squeezing money out of his audience with claims...

That only he was creating content that preserved queer history and elevated the voices and experiences of the LGBTQ+ community (a lie)

He was in serious financial distress and would have to go out of business if people didn't give him tons of money (a lie)

That he was going to use some of that cash to make definitely good and not-at-all-plagiarized independent movies, a thing he was definitely skilled and experienced enough to do (a lie), and

That those plagiarism allegations were incorrect,, and frankly,,,, hurtful and homophobic. (a GIANT lie)

Like, here's a visualization of the script of one of his videos, "Society and Queer Horror". The highlighted bits were lifted nearly verbatim from the works of others—the 18 authors identified at the time the exposé was posted—and presented as Somerton's own work.

So here's what drives me absolutely up the wall about this:

If he had just ADMITTED that it was the work of other people, THAT WOULD STILL BE COOL. If he had just said, up front, "We are going on a survey of thoughts and insights people have had about this topic", that would still be a good video with a real audience!

Like yes, he studied business in university, he might not have gotten the kinds of research skills and knowledge someone like Kaz Rowe uses to not just report on the history and analysis of others, but evaluate their relative validity and trustworthiness.

But honestly, since watching my niblings (oldest is 13) watch Youtube, I think you honestly can't underestimate the number of viewers who are really hungry for someone saying, "I don't understand this topic! Let's explore it together!"

But NOOOOOOO, Somerton didn't want to be just some schmuck waxing enthusiastic about homoeroticism on film and acknowledging the smartness of other people. He wanted to be HIM, MR. SMARTYBOY, very sophisticated and alluring and thoughtful and deep. Definitely an intellectual heavyweight who just happened to spout off his own personal ideas and analysis that put him at the forefront of all the scholarship on the topic he's come across.

I hate being wrong. Hate being wrong. But blogging for most of my life has forced me to confront constant textual evidence that two or ten or twenty years ago, I said some dumb-ass shit. Honestly, it'd probably keep me up at night sometimes even if I didn't have a written record. I absolutely understand the desire to scan the field, find the coolest people around, and quickly clothe yourself in as perfect an imitation of them as you can manage.

But if you want to be an artist or a scholar who produces something lasting, you can't prioritize coolness over truth all the time. To develop your true, independent voice, you need to find a time and place where it is just you and just the work you're doing, and you have pick up your tools and say, I don't know if I'm doing this right, but this is what feels right to me.

There are a lot of things in life to which we can only truly contribute our presence and our perspectives. Things we can only witness or hold space for. We cannot go back and bleed the pain out of history, or erase the complexity of another person's life. Not honestly, at least.

But those are the times that need our presence, our perspectives, our witness, and our space. When we gather round and tell sad tales about the death of kings, honesty can be the only thing you give that's worth a damn in the large scale of things.

If this dude had owned up to the truth and honestly showed the work of trying to piece together a queer understanding of the world, trying to draw the threads of culture together until he found a place he fit inside them, it would have been so much more valuable to our culture as a whole.

He probably made more money this way, though. While it lasted.

[directdogman]

A large Milt post.

The funny thing about writing characters is that you often forget how little of them you've shown off. Milt's pretty detached from the plot (not even being explicitly mentioned in-game) so I guess it's fair to say that the audience doesn't really 'know' him well.

Given how much detail the audience knows about Crown's life during the war and immediately after it, it'd be interesting to mention a little bit about Milt's war history, especially since Crown's time during the war is pretty important to understanding a part of his character - why he was so dead-set on changing the world. Ironically, Milt's experiences were very different in a lot of ways, but wound up bringing him to the same place. This information would be obscure, but likely known to anyone who'd want to study him in DT's universe, so I guess there's no harm in mentioning some of it:

Milt was born into a more affluent family than Crown's and didn't face the same kind of nail-biting poverty that Crown did as a child. He was a Corporal (Acting Sgt) by the end of the war and had a distinguished record as a war hero. He was very well respected by those in his platoon, having a reputation for honesty, kindness and always following through on his word, no matter the circumstances. However, was also known to be someone you didn't wanna push around or back into a corner, as he was fiercely intelligent and very determined - not the sort of person you'd want to wrong.

He was a part of the DDay landings during the European campaign, an event he remembers as a terrifying and chaotic loss of life. Milt later rejected claims of his valor during the landing in the years following the war. After the fall of Berlin in mid 1945, Milt rejected the opportunity to remain in Europe as an occupying force (which was available to him because of his reputation/rank) in order to join the Pacific Theater. This was partially out of a sense of survivor's guilt (personally knowing many soldiers from his town who'd died in the campaign) and partly because he feared returning to relative peace and being alone with his thoughts again.

Milt's time in the Pacific Theater isn't nearly as well known due to how unwilling he was to talk about it to anyone, though he once opened up to Marla about it. Milt witnessed the destruction of Hiroshima from a distance, an event that's forever etched into his mind.

When Milt returned to the States, with a military scholarship, he decided to focus his efforts into trying to make the world a better place and began studying science. His dream was to develop a new form of irrigation that could terraform large swathes of land into farmland so the whole world could be fed. Due to his intelligence and determination in seeking his goal, he wound up taking to his work well. He took a keen interest in the new concept of the structure of DNA in particular, which was discovered in the early 1950's, believing that genetic modification could be used to create new forms of plant life that could feed vast amounts of people. Milt never ceased contact with his contacts from University, nor lost his love for science and the pursuit of a better world through the advancement of technology/science. But, most of all, he never abandoned his dream of making the world a better place, one where the horrors he'd witnessed as a younger man (such as mass human death, starvation and mass-chaos) could never happen again.

Shortly after graduating, he attended a political rally in Madison, Wisconsin and met a passionate public speaker/local business owner who'd change the course of his life forever. The rest is history.

[gatorbites-imagines]

Some paz vizsla x sith male reader?

Paz Vizsla x Sith male reader

Headcanons

Because of my love for fanfic and the Kotor games, theres a lot of headcanosn in this. I will find a way to involve Revan when I can, so he’s also there, in the background. Theres also a single Revan x Canderous mention.

Theres so much about Kotor in this, it really took a life of its own, so I hope you enjoy.

I missed writing star wars so bad, can yall tell?

First of all, being Sith doesn’t immediately make you evil. It just means you follow a specific religious groups way of teaching and practice their rituals to some extent. This means you use the dark side, and have nothing against harming others to reach a goal.

You aren’t as power hungry as other sith in this time, and you aren’t under Palpatine’s thumb. Far from it actually. The dark side is to some extent fueled by your hate for the empire and anyone involved with it, as you were once a jedi youngling when the purging happened.

You were a padawan at the time, and your master had always been very interested in holocrons and the past. Their most prized possession was the holocron of Darth Revan, or one of his many holocrons that had been left all over the galaxy.

So, after you saw them gunned down by the clonetroopers you thought you could trust, you ran, taking an escape pod to get as far away as possible. It just turns out you had been carrying Revan’s holocron in your bag at the time, and after landing on a smaller less populated planet, you had hidden away in its vast cave system.

You feared going mad for a while, as you were just a padawan, one who had lost everything. You were almost consumed by this anger and rage, so uncontrollable as you cracked at the edges and fell.

Revan’s force presence must have felt this inside the holocron, as he appeared before you, and guided you through it, keeping you from completely shattering your mind and becoming a beast hellbent on revenge.

From then on, Revan became your new master, leading you around the galaxy to find his other holocrons and artifacts as he taught you everything he knew, and to the best of his ability.

He was kinder than any sith you had ever heard of or met, and he taught you a lot about the sith empire and how not all sith had been power hungry madmen, that before the rule of two, they had been more on the stable side, to a certain extent.

He never claimed they were good people, but you didn’t need that, you appreciated his honesty. Along these journeys, you even found holocrons of some of the other sith of his like, like Malak, who was Revans old friend.

Malak hadn’t been happy about you in the beginning, but he had ended up begrudgingly taking some kind of master role to you, almost like a standoffish uncle. But thanks to their training you are able to stay completely hidden from the empire, and live the life you want to live.

You go where the force leads you, which just so happens to be places that Revan and other great sith of made themselves at home in the past. You had almost started cheering and singing when you found what some would call the tomb of Darth Nihilus, much to your masters embarrassment, as Malak looked at Revan with a lifted brow.

Your interest in the past had been something you had picked up from your first master as a padawan, and it stayed. It was something Revan had to accept as his force ghost watched you fanboy over a mummified hand of Darth Sion, or leftover notes left over by Darth Malgus on saber forms.

Your greatest achievement was your helmet. Or rather, your master’s old helmet. Palpatine had pretty much ransacked the jedi temples after culling them all, stealing whatever he wanted, and the jedi had owned Revan’s helmet for many years, locked away far away from prying eyes.

With your master, and uncle-masters help, you were able to sneak in and steal it right back, taking it from right under Palpatine and Vader’s noses. The helmet barely looked like a helmet with how old and worn it was, but the power inside it made it clear. It was Revan’s helmet.

Revan had gifted it to you, almost beaming as you teared up at the trust he seemed to put in you. You were sith alright, and your emotions were what fueled you, and your love for your master and his love for you was the strongest there could be between family.

You were able to create a new helmet, using what was left of Revan’s and other materials, one of those materials being Beskar you stole from the empire. You even painted in similarly to Revan but added some of your own touches.

Little did you know, this helmet is what caught your future lovers attention first. Mandalorians love a strong partner, and those that follow the creed love some good armor, so Paz couldn’t keep his eyes off you when he saw you the first time.

You pretty much just bleed raw power into the air around you, letting it swirl around you like a second armor and letting everyone around know you were a possible threat if crossed. That was the kinda person that had Paz sweating and his blood pumping.

You would meet because you found yourself on the same planet as the covert hes with, hunting down something left by Canderous ordo, some piece of armor, like a pauldron he had left behind for Revan as some kind of marriage declaration.

Its after finding these pauldrons that you meet Paz, and some of the other older members of the covert. Apparently, words of a guy in scary black and red armor skulking around was enough to have them weary.

In the beginning they might think your Mandalorian, from the style of your armor and the new unpainted pauldrons you have added to your armor, making them hesitate, but that moment of hesitation if all you need to launch an attack.

You don’t kill any of them, wouldn’t want too, but by the force do you kick their ass, another thing that has Paz feeling hot under all that armor. He almost wants to drop to his knees to say the marriage vows right then and there when you fling him over your head using one hand, the other reflecting blaster bolts with little difficulty.

What can he say, mandalorians fall hard and they fall fast, blame it on living such dangerous and hard lives. So, when he sees you aren’t actually trying to kill them, Paz hopes there’s a chance you might stick around.

You end up getting away, ignoring the cackling of your master and the glowering of your uncle-master. The tables turn when Malak starts mentioning Ordo and the love declaration through the pauldrons, leaving your master quiet and mumbly as Malak smirks. They are definitely the reason you don’t fear the sith of old as much anymore.

Paz grieves a little as he doesn’t see you again for a while, even though he tries to keep an ear and eye out for you in your black and red armor and that flexibility that has him gripping the wall when he thinks about it too hard.

In the end its Ragnar, Paz’s son, that brings you before them again. He had ended up in some trouble, and the force had almost screamed for you to help him. Listening to the force was what you did, so you helped the helmet wearing kid out.

Ragnar was smart, and had heard his dads dreamy mumblings and the other mandalorians teasing, so he could immediately tell who you were. One way or another, and though it’s extremely against the rules, he gets you to where the covert is hiding.

Paz shows up and starts worrying about Ragnar, cuz he loves his son and doesn’t wanna see him hurt, and when he hears its you who saved him, he starts feeling hot under the armor again.

On the insistence of the force, you stick around the covert. Paz takes the time to go about romancing like mandalorians do, by peacocking and challenging you to spars. He never wins, not even the ones where you don’t use the force.

Its humorous to see that large hulking back being wrestled to the ground by you, or thrown around like he weighs nothing. You can tell how he feels about you, but you fear acting on it, even though Revan keeps bugging you to do so, much to Malaks annoyance.

In the end you two end up getting together like how many mandalorians do or did. During a fight. Things were getting tough, and a couple of your allies had gotten hurt, even Paz was down for the count.

You needed him up and at em though, so you had reached down and pulled him into a keldabe kiss, pressing your helmeted foreheads together and told him if he got out of this alive, you’d let him take you on a date.

That immediately had him standing, even though his leg wanted to buckle from a stab wound. The enemy were taken out in record time.

Your first date goes a little awkwardly, as neither of you actually have any experience dating. You spending all your life as a jedi and then sith, and Paz being part of a pretty hard covert. But you two work it out, and it ends with you sparring and scuffling in the sand, which maybe lead to something more. The helmets stay on the entire time.

No one is surprised when you two start dating, or when you start becoming a permanent fixture in the covert. Sure, they’re weary in the beginning because you are an outsider and because you are sith, but they come to appreciate you.

They really start welcoming you when you can use your dark presence in the force to hide them away from anyone searching for them, or to take out possible threats. You even start teaching some of the force sensitive members. You don’t force them to use the dark side, but you do end up teaching them about the balance between both.

When Din shows up again, he doesn’t fully know what to do with the information that Paz went and got himself hitched, and to a sith of all things, but he sees you well you fit into It all and their creed, and who is he to judge.

You get on well with Ragnar, as he was pretty much the one to bring you to his dad, and the kid grows attached to you. Who else but him can brag about his powerful dark sider warrior dad? That gets him some brownie points from the other foundlings.

When you and Paz marry there is no big ceremony, its just a vow spoken between you and that’s it. You always find yourself cackling at the memory of how jittery he had been to see your face for the first time, now that you were married.

During all this time you hadn’t been against taking your helmet off, but you just hadn’t had a reason too.

Paz spends a lot of time just holding your face in his hands and taking you in, with you doing the same to him. Expect many kisses from then on, every time you are alone. He is really bad at kissing in the beginning, since he has zero experience, but he makes up for it with his enthusiasm and willingness to learn.

Paz is still stoic around others and is a big presence, taking care of the dirty work and keeping people safe. But with you he gets to be soft, he gets to be weaker for once, which only fuels his feelings for you.

He never makes you feel like a monster for using the dark side, and he had marveled and just stared at your glowing yellow eyes for a long time the first time he had seem them, barely believing it was possible for them to look like that, just because of the force.

You are still a sith after all of this, and you still leave now and then to hunt down artificacts and other types of knowledge left by the sith of old, but you don’t feel as much urgency as in the past.

You even bring Paz and Ragnar along for the less dangerous ones, as a family trip. You can’t bring them along for most artifacts though, since you don’t wanna lose them to ancient sith traps or mind tricks.

It’s the stability you’ve needed for many years, and though you are still fueled by passion and emotions, it isn’t the same anger that you had harbored all these years. It was more the love you had for your husband and your son, and the fact that you would tear apart the galaxy for them if they asked.

The feelings are returned from Paz of course, and Ragnar too, as you guys’ care about each other deeply, as any family should. They do get a bit freaked out, even years later, when you tell them about force ghosts and how Revan is always present. Sometimes you say it just to see them subtly looking around, it’s hilarious.

[onlyoneofyongsoo]

Why BUB actually fits into OOO's catalogue

Bump Up Business has been criticised for many things, and don’t get me wrong, it’s far from perfect, but there is one question I have heard a lot: “Why did OnlyOneOf of all people choose to do this? Doesn’t this show play exactly into the thing we have been defending them of?”

My own answer to this is yes and no. But let me explain. 

In this I will not be discussing what the writers had in mind, because I don’t know them. But I’ll talk about why I think it makes sense OnlyOneOf would tell this kind of story, whether they actually had any say in choosing this drama or not.

The main argument for most peoples' criticism I’ve seen is “This show is about/glorifying queerbaiting.” But is it really? Both of the characters are already queer. Jihoon has dated at least one man and is very aware of his own sexuality. Eden is quickly established as being very insecure in his own sexuality, not because he’s straight, but because he’s queer and finds that hard to accept. So the show is about queer characters. 

Okay, so how does the queerbaiting fall into this? Obviously there is queerbaiting present. Their company practically forces them to do it. Eden is very reluctant, but agrees after the company gives him an ultimatum. Jihoon is less reluctant, but also in a tight spot. He has fallen off and this is seemingly his last chance to save his career, something he wouldn’t give up even for the man he loved. So the characters take no pleasure in the queerbaiting, but is it a problem to them? Yes, actually. It is made clear that they have trouble telling apart what is real feelings and what’s just work. In episode 4 for example Jihoon asks Eden if he is struggling with their concept after Eden revealed how insecure he is in his sexuality. The question comes from a place of caring and honesty. Eden then answers that he is okay because it’s "just work". Since emotions and their hidden identities are now part of their work it gets all muddled and confusing for them. 

You might say now “But that’s not the problem with queerbaiting! They’re leading their fans on!” And from a fan’s perspective I agree. They are leading them on. But this isn’t about fans, this show is about idols. What would it be like for a queer idol to work in an industry where you are urged to act queer but to never be queer? How would that affect your personal life?

In the drama the queer characters hide their identity. Even after Hyunbin spread these awful rumours about Jihoon, they don’t reveal their relationship. Evidently having rumours about being with women is still better than revealing that you’re gay. The entire time they keep any real relationships under wraps. 

On top of that, in a way Eden has to out himself for his job. Even though he of course isn’t allowed to be actually queer, acting this lovey-dovey with another man in public sure must feel like he’s coming out and he is clearly uncomfortable with that. Interviewers and netizens are constantly questioning their relationship as well. Are they gay? Are they straight? Do they naturally act that way? Is the company forcing them? Having all your actions be scrutinised and dissected like this, especially as a closeted queer person is terrifying. 

Once again I’m not claiming that the writers wanted to represent queer idols’ struggles, but I think you can understand how this might be able to be read that way, especially by idols themselves. 

Now how does this fit in with OnlyOneOf’s usual work, besides the obvious queer element? For that I’d like to remind you of June 2022. That is the month we started off the undergrOund idOl project. If you’re like me, then that name probably made you question it. What does it mean? I remember theories about it being about struggling as a relatively unknown group and things along those lines. Luckily they gave us hints in several articles by letting us know that the series is about “the inner side of idols who shine on stage”. Okay, cool! So is it about struggles with fame? Like a glimpse behind the mask? Let’s look at the videos! Hm… Not much about idol life here actually… They’re all just.. queer? How curious. Almost as if they want to highlight the queerness so many idols or celebrities have to hide?

So OnlyOneOf, a group whose behaviours and sexualities are constantly being dissected and who is famous for telling and highlighting genuine queer stories, even connecting those stories to what idols have to hide, choose a drama that is about queer idols who have to navigate their queerness in an industry that demands “fake queerness” but has no room for real queer people. This doesn’t actually seem that surprising to me. Does it to you?

Last comments:

I don’t think that BUB is a critical masterpiece tastefully portraying the harsh reality of queer celebrities. I think that the producers and writers did not do a good job and that OnlyOneOf’s own work is a lot better. But I can absolutely see how this story fits into the larger picture and why this could be appealing to them. I don’t know if they even had any say in doing the drama to begin with. But I just wanted to provide a different point of view. Maybe someone found this interesting at least <3

[mdhwrites]

I'd like your authorial thoughts on the following:

Given Luz' and Amity's interactions across season 1 of The Owl House could Luz be considered to have been Amity's Manic Pixie Dream Girl? If so, how do you see that trope evolving (or devolving) over the remainder of the series?

So I have a romance writing lesson I'm going to hijack this ask for but first to answer it: Probably? I feel like one could complain a lot of good romance stories use a character like this so I don't know how useful it is as a label. Not only that but a common complaint I have about Lumity is how Luz doesn't actually try to do jack shit to push back on Amity or actually question her on her shitty behavior. Like sure, we know she doesn't like Amity being mean but at best we get a single confrontation about that that Amity doesn't take seriously. It's never a problem actually addressed and Luz never tries to evoke any other life lessons out of Amity. It's why Amity feels like most of her changes just happen because "Girl pretty" because little actually pushes her to change except the mere existence of Luz.

HOWEVER

This stops HARD come S2. Even by Winging it Like Witches, we see Amity going out of her way to manage Luz's emotions and fuck ups. Where she has to be constantly accomodating because otherwise Sad Luz is a thought she just cannot fathom, even when in shit like Looking Glass Ruins, Luz seems to think an apology is enough, or how she won't change by Reaching Out about actually caring about Amity's well being (such as not noticing her girlfriend getting hurt) but also now with her breaking her word and continuing to lie to her, both things that will also come up in Thanks to Them where she's willing to lie to Amity for months before sending her to her death on the Isles without her.

This begs a bigger question: What of these two that attracted them to each other originally is still there?

We know pretty easily why Amity likes Luz. Explicitly she thinks Luz is kind, pretty, earnest, stuff like that. If we want to read into her character in S1, since it's pretty clear Amity is already crushing by Adventure in the Elements and probably started getting her feelings in Lost in Language, it's because Luz is honest with her, open and free in ways that Amity wishes she could be or wishes her family was with her. It's classic opposites attract. It also helps that early on in the show, her family seems to have transactional love while Luz seems to not require people to prove their worth to her. With Luz, she knows she's always got her heart in the right place, will make up for what she's done and Amity doesn't have to fear what Luz is thinking because if she were to ask Luz, Luz would tell her. Hell, that last part is literally what Eclipse Lake is about. Luz's openness and honesty.

Aaaaand then S2B starts with Luz keeping secrets and lying to Amity. She also steadily becomes less of a weirdo, over the entire show honestly, and more just this troublemaker who seems to mostly do things just for herself. Who can easily be manipulated through the fact that she's selfish, such as with Philip and with Eda's mother. She very easily starts ignoring other's problems because of her own, like in Reaching Out, even as she'll claim she's focusing on you but all of her actions are the exact opposite. This is how we get "I don't want to distract you," while she is willing to distract Emira while healing Amity or joins the tournament because she finds Amity being in underground witch fights that could potentially severely injure her, on a day when Luz is thinking about death and loss, as BORING. Also, instead of Amity not having to ever prove herself to Luz, to not have to worry if Luz is going to stop trusting and believing her, Luz CONSTANTLY isn't trusting or believing of Amity and so Amity keeps having to try harder and harder to make Luz happy. To manage her emotions when, you know... That is kind of the exact opposite of why Amity was probably attracted to Luz. Did she understand she'd have to save Luz from herself? Sure but not because Luz would literally lie to everyone and shirk responsibility. She expected it to be because she accepted jumping Dead Man's Gorge so one of her reading kids would stop being picked on.

So yeah, why does Amity still like Luz? I genuinely expected them to break up in Reaching Out because of this. Because Luz showed that when she's miserable, she is NOTHING like what Amity saw her as and trauma and pain is not an excuse to be a terrible person. I would have still liked them to get back together but like... Otherwise, the show ends up saying that it's okay to lie to your partner so long as you have an excuse. That is abhorrent.

(Smart, Cool, Classy)

But on the flip side of things, what about Luz? Well, we get less overt declarations from Luz than we get from Amity. By what is stated... Well, "Cotton Candy Haired Goddess" and "You're smart, classy and cool," are really all we get and that's from Knock Knock Knocking. Smart is good, cool is fine, classy is okay too but they're very vague and the one emphasized, especially over and over, is how pretty and popular Amity is. Even back in Adventure in the Elements, where the show seems to want to be when they both catch feelings proper but Luz is a dense brick, those are the traits she focuses on. How strong, cool, pretty and popular Amity is. Luz's focus seems to commonly be on very superficial elements of Amity and with her misconceptions of Amity as the series goes on, it's easy to assume these never change.

If we try to go into Luz's character though like I did with Amity though, it gets WORSE. Luz is supposedly someone who fears rejection and has been bullied in the past. However, she seems to have zero fears about Amity as a bully or her being cruel to her. Admittedly, we do get two in character reasons for this: One is from Lost in Language where she admits to wanting to befriend Amity as a fiction trope, which is GOD AWFUL... But somehow the next one is worse? In The First Day, she isn't talking about Amity but she talks about hoping to find a 'vulnerable upperclassman' like one talks about a romantic partner. As such, Amity's damage is not something to help her with but something that continues to check boxes for Luz.

BUT.

If we are kinder, she likes Amity because of opposites attract. Amity is more serious, in control and smart than Luz. She has confidence that Luz doesn't think she has (examples nonexistent of course with how little Luz gives a shit about anyone's opinion) and a grace to her the clumsy nerd does not. So if we go off of those, does Amity lose those?

Yes. In S3A she seems to not be able to control her two left feet. She shows herself to be a complete disaster much of the time. In Escaping Expulsion, she's called out for letting her grades slip and Amity just loses all of her edge and real personality. She'll still continue to do things, to have things grafted onto her but her priorities are always Luz and not any of the drive or the like that might have attracted Luz to her in the first place. This is how Reaching Out ends with Amity caring WAY MORE about Luz's actions and the like than anything her father does and with her really just wanting the right to tell her father fuck you than actually wanting to properly repair their relationship like she claims. The goal is Luz. Always.

"But Luz could see who Amity actually was and was attracted to that!"

I have heard this sort of argument too many times not to talk about it. Let's pretend that's actually the case. That Luz was attracted to a possibility, rather than the person in front of her. That "I can fix her," is a good and healthy mentality. Okay, what is the 'real' Amity then? Well, she's nice, kind of awkward but can then step up to be a badass when she has to be.

I also just described Willow and Luz is not attracted to Willow. She literally never shows attraction to anyone like that. We actually do get an idea for what her type is after all. Her first blush is with a tortured, brooding dickhead in the second episode. She blushes at the twins who are teasing and rowdy. She likes trouble. She does not get attracted to Viney or Willow though despite both having very similar personalities to what Amity will eventually have. So why does she choose Amity?

Because she's the most conventionally attractive. That appears to really be it. It's the only thing that A: Amity doesn't discard of herself and B: that Luz seems to care about that actually stays true to the character over time. And don't tell me that Amity got smart in other ways. She is not a tactician and her strategies are always the bluntest. To reference Escaping Expulsion again, she is the one who posits going for a full frontal assault. Hell, in Falls and Follies, she's making mistakes in her Spanish studies. We don't see much real intelligence from her after S1. S3 made sure she has no class and Knock Knock Knocking explicitly points out that Amity is not as cool as Luz thinks she is.

Why does this matter though? Well... Because chemistry matters in a romance? Because in fiction, we should be able to understand what in the world attracts these two people to each other? Going, "It's love, they don't have to explain it," is the exact same problem as "It's magic, I don't have to explain it." It's purely relying on suspension of disbelief and believing that just because something doesn't have to have an airtight explanation doesn't mean it doesn't have to still follow the rules or examples you have set. People HATE when magic suddenly does whatever the author needs it to just as much as they hate when someone goes "I love you" in a movie after two hours of not seeing a single reason these two would get together.

As such, if in your romance story you have the character development of your characters remove everything they found attractive about each other... Why are they still together? Not even just because that's a thing in the real world but just in the fiction. There's no reason for them not to just be friends now so why are they still saying "I love you," if they even want to be friends still? It makes the conclusion of your work not scan and so your romance falls apart.

And I mean... Clouds on the Horizon even explicitly makes this clear. In that episode, Amity uses Luz as a way to calm herself. Uses how she'd tackle things, her care and the trust she has in Luz to make her not worry about being trapped at home. But is that accurate to Luz? To Luz, who in that episode decided NOT to go save Amity because she wanted to small chance that she might be needed for the bigger plan in motion instead? Despite having no role there and potentially making their stealth mission harder? Or who goes on to not engage at all with Amity's family drama, even as Odalia threatens to force to break them up? Where is the care that Amity was drawing strength from? The silliness that attracted her to Luz? ANYTHING that was there all the way back when that pushed Amity to kiss Luz in that episode?

Because as far as I'm concerned, Amity's Manic Pixie Dream Girl didn't just become a real person. She turned to sludge and why would Amity want to date sludge? See you next tale.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[inbetweenhours]

i did more of my esmp parents doodles specifically because of this comment 

[Shrub here | Scott, Sausage, & Seablings here | Roseblings, Pix, & Pearl here]

@thatonehomosexual79​ prompted me to think about Katherine and joeys parents! I have names for them all, but very few of them have actual thought to me.

I’ll slap my ramblings about each family / parents and my lore under the cut for those interested :] Feel free to ask for more or ask questions! These doodles are easy so i might just do both seasons! I have names for everyone anyways lol

What I do know about Joey’s family though is his siblings I’ve included. To my vague awareness on LE Joey lore, he had other canon members of the monarchy. The Tiger Blood Prince and Princess. I also saw somewhere that the Princess actually went missing and was replaced I presume. Instead of this being a mistake I’ve made it lore. I'm also too far in to retcon it if that actually didn't happen lol. I can’t say much for them as individuals, they’re all very alike. Kinda aggressive and  confident in the way that Joey is. Its very obvious they are related lol. Nickey is the one who breaks the mold most, and is plot relevant to my fanon when she is older. She is actually the ancestor of  esmp2!Lizzie and one of her close descendants is the founder of Animalia :]

Anyways, Joey and his family get along about as well as they can given the turbulent nature of how I imagine LE succession to work. Its not so much a right as it is a challenge. Joey challenged his parents when he found himself old enough to care about the power. They met the challenge, alongside Joeys brother Mickey, and all lost to him. Very tournament style. Joey coming out on top claims him as the victor and he took his title. His brother and he get along well, in a way that has a high frequency of sibling animosity. Tammy is a bit young in the main timline (14 ish i think) and has very little care in leading, she's happy to just be princess. Nickey has ran away from the LE, and generally was the black sheep of the family. Wanting a much gentler and kinder way of life than she was used to. Her as a subsect of the people left to far lands, never to be seen again really as they reestablished themselves far away.

Katherine is where things start getting odd. Because of how my fanon uses fairies I must first clarify that fairies are biologically agender and asexual by nature in my fanon. They are born in a very disney-ified fairytale fashion where any singular or number of parents will nurture a flower bulb and from it blooms a baby fairy. Katherines mother did this alone, and so her and Katherine look extremely similar. Any dissimilarities are entirely stylistic lol. Baby Katherine also doesn’t have her wings yet, I must clarify this wasn’t because I forgot. Young fairies look a lot more “human”, and gain things like their wings during puberty. They have a chrysalis phase and a kind of butterfly physiology for lack of simpler explanation.

Katherine and her mother are very alike in many ways I think. I don't have a lot of thought for Kitty in all honesty. If she isn’t dead in the current timeline I’d be willing to bet she stepped away from responsibility when The Spring chose Katherine to tale over. If anyone has any thoughts about her that’d be cool, because I really have very little. She would have known Scott and Xornoths parents, which is significant. 

Finally Joel!! Also has some weird notes out of the norm. In my fanon Mezalea’s citizens are majorly composed of Clay constructs, with some humans and the occasional merlings around the coasts. Clay constructs are given lie by being laid at the roots of the mother tree, and  are typically gifted life by its after a time. Queen Ariel ruled Mezalea before Joel. The reason “Prince” has an asterix is because it’s questionable if Joel ever was prince of Mezalea. he was created to be king and I havent decided if he was sculpted and lad beneath the Mother Tree before or after Ariels passing. She had a lot of wear and tear after potential dozens of decades, maybe centuries, alive. She had come into a point of disrepair (and a thinning of her life gift) and knew Mezalea would need a replacement for her throne. But I havent decided if she ever actually met Joel. If he was created after she crumbled to take her place, or if she commissioned his creation before her passing and was there to see his gifted life. To help guide him in his duties for a short time. 

For this reason, the art I have drawn is dubiously canon to my own fanon. And Joel and Ariel are not considered family really. They are not mother and son as much as they are at most mentor and apprentice, and at least successor and predecessor. Joel knows who she is, but doesn’t really hold any sturdy connection with her. Ariel herself was a good determined ruler. Confident and brazen in many ways. She likely looked much different throughout her rule, constructs can pass their life between other  vessels- this is how they grow. Like hermit crabs kind of, when they feel they have outgrown the body they have they will likely build or commission a new one to inhabit. Ariel has been around a lot, and many of her  forms have suffered some severe battering. It has thinned her life gift to be passed around so often and in connection to a broken form she knew she was done.

anyways that is all for now, imma go look into who do draw next :]  questions and commentary welcome

[allieslobster]

UNPOPULAR OPINION: Mike isn’t as bad at communicating as people claim him to be.

(This is copy and pasted from what I wrote on Reddit and I wanted to share it here, it’s super long btw)

NOW I KNOW IT’S A BIT CRAZY!!! But in all honesty, I think he isn’t the BEST at communicating but bro definitely isn’t the WORST, either. I don’t know, watching season one and two and even season four kind of make me be like “oh it’s really not that bad.” The only season where he was really bad to be in his communication was season three. I’ll go more into him in each season.

Season one: I think Mike was actually very expressive this season, probably the best his communication skills have been. When Will first went missing, we could really see his frustration because no one else really seemed to care as much as he did, and he verbally expressed that. “I’m the only one who cares about Will!” He got the point across and expressed what he was feeling, he made it known to the party that he wasn’t giving up, and then he allowed himself to cry to his mom when he thought Will’s body was found.

Season two: Season two Mike was very similar to season one Mike, he always made an effort to contribute to the conversation on how to help Will. The only time he really lacked cohesion in his skills was when Max was introduced, and the mention of El was brought up. Of course, I have to mention the shed scene where he literally saved Will, confessing how the day they met was the best day of his life and he truly meant it. He didn’t have any problem communicating that? He wasn’t shy expressing that in front of Joyce, Jonathan, or Hopper. He was emotional and expressed his frustration and sadness by hitting Hopper when he found out he was hiding El all this time. So, where does it all go wrong? Where does this stigma around his character come into play? WELL…

Season three: yikes. Season three Mike may just be the worst yet. Don’t worry, as someone who relates to Mike I’m not gonna shit on it. So, yeah…where did it go wrong? Mike is changing. He’s growing up, his relationship his growing up with him. This is the season where his expression begins to diminish, we can literally just see this husk of who he used to be. I think this season was a depressing arch for Mike. I believe this is the season people labeled Mike as like, the boy who can’t communicate. Which makes so much sense, he’s lying to the people he loves, yelling at them, ignoring them in a way that’s just kind of cruel. I think it’s interesting, the shift in him between season three to season four but I’ll get into that later. The way he speaks to Will is nothing like before. When we’re angry, we usually say things that we don’t mean. Projection. “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls!” Well! There was such a dark way in which he said it, like what was the need? The need was for him to get it off his OWN chest. It really had everything to do with himself, as well as Will. He’s never been so harsh to his best friend before, the boy who he used to comfort. The way he communicated his feelings was unhealthy, and harsh unlike the way he expressed them before. Anytime Mike had an outburst in past seasons, it was out of passion. (His family not caring for Will and him defending Will, Hopper lying to him, bullies picking on him) it was never out of angry, it was usually out of protectiveness. Then we get to the lying, him not caring to apologize to El or go after her in the same way he does to Will. Back to the communication, he hugs his mom at the end of the season but he almost looks numb, like he’s given up. There’s a reason for that.

Season four: I don’t really care what anyone says I will forever defend season four mike. He seems a little lost at the beginning and that’s because he is. He’s gone a year without his girlfriend, without his best friend. He’s had a lot of time to grow and reflect on who he is and we can slowly see him finding himself once again. He’s back into D&D (which he left behind in season three) and he’s come to the realization that he really doesn’t care if he’s popular in school, probably preferring to stay under the radar. We see our first communication problem at the airport, “from, mike.” We all know “from” is the devil’s word in El’s eyes. As well as that half assed hug he granted Will. It could be out of frustration from Will not contacting as much as he liked, or the fact that he was trying to hide something from himself that a passionate hug would only bring out. I’m not sure, either way both of those are rooted in strong feelings towards Will. Mike and El argue, he refuses to tell her he loves her. And while this can be chopped up to, “he has communication issues and is scared of rejection” okay let’s be so for real. Mike and Eleven have been together for over a year, El has verbally gave him that confirmation, so what’s missing? Mike is so action oriented, he needs to feel needed. El does not do that for him, I mean some people really just show their love through actions. Mike is not scared of communicating, putting himself out there. He has done it countless of times with Will. During this season, we see him go OUT of his way to apologize, telling him how much he missed him and how things have been so different without him. I don’t understand why he couldn’t have done that for El when she clearly needed it. Will grants Mike that security, I mean yeah in retrospect he’s scared of rejection but at the same time I don’t think it’s that simple. I don’t think he’s scared of rejection, I think he’s scared of coming to terms with the fact that he may just be lying to Eleven. Mike is not himself with her, he neglects his friends, dresses out of the ordinary, blames her. It’s as if it all circles back to Will, the difference in treatment and I think that will play a part in season five. I think that mike and el will realize that of course they love each other, but can’t be what they need.

Mike works on action, he SHOWS his love. He’s given her gifts, he’s been attentive to her when she’s struggling and at least tries to express how much he CARES for her. Eleven needs more, she needs an expressive person. Him not being verbally expressive with her does not mean he’s bad at communication. We all aren’t perfect, so saying he’s bad at communicating I don’t think is very fair. He just expresses his love in a way that I don’t think Eleven wants. And that’s okay. I truly don’t think he’s putting his all into the relationship, anyways. In his own words: “I kind of did like a sort of 70-30 split thing.” He gives more to Will, and I know it’s really unfair to Eleven but I don’t think Mike is doing it intentionally. Just when we’re attracted to someone, in love with them, it’s so easy to unknowingly treat them with a higher regard intentionally or not.

I really do think season three he was attempting his best to be as “normal” as possible, leading to his emotions to bottle up in a way they never did before. Season four, with time away from Will and Eleven, he begins to settle into himself just a little bit more and that leads to his willingness to rekindle with Will when they have some alone time. He communicates with Will, telling him he will be there for him no matter what despite the struggle. I think people often confuse his unintentional refusal to be completely open with himself and Eleven in their own relationship as him just not being able to communicate at all. I hope all of this made sense, i probably rambled way more than I should have…

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not wanting to interact with my mom all that often?

for context, my mom tends to act in ways that are often a little manipulative and dependent - she's had a rough life, so i can understand some of her actions, but in some ways she scares me a bit. when i was growing up, she'd often talk about how she wished i was the grownup and she was my daughter, sometimes asking to roleplay a bit. she's trauma-dumped quite a bit on me as well, leading me to play therapist. (when i brought up actually therapy once, she said, word for word, "why have a therapist when I have you?") in more recent years, she's asked for us to sleep in the same bed, and sometimes continues to ask even though i give her a hard no because it makes me uncomfortable.

in all honesty, she's not a bad person, and she's worked really hard for my sake, but she also doesn't have a lot of meaningful connections - her friends are more work colleagues and she's not close to my dad at all. and I'm honestly not the nicest to her - i really don't like to talk her, which I've made clear in a pretty harsh way, and we get into arguments a lot. but she also tends to be petty and immature; whenever i say im not in the mood to talk to her, she claims that i dont really care about her and that i have to listen to her because she's my mom. whenever i try to raise a concern i have with her, she often spins it in a way that makes her the victim and me the disobient child, and when she doesn't, she just doesn't listen.

there's also the whole ordeal where she kind of outed me to my (Very queerphobic) dad - i was able deny enough that the whole thing calmed down, but she never really tried to understand why she was wrong. she never really made an attempt to understand how much trust i put in her when i came out - about two years after, i 'took it back', in a way, telling her that she didnt have to use they/them at all. at that point she revealed that she thought it was some kind of phase that she never took seriously. it was like this in the past, too - she still pesters me about what i said when i was 9 and styling myself as a 'tomboy' - which was 'coming back to her when i was a teenager' which i never really did.

the gist of it is that she views me in a idealistic way that centers mostly around herself and her ideals for me - she doesn't let me cut my hair too short and always pesters about wearing dresses, and she still thinks that i can act as her therapist despite me telling her, multiple times, that i was not equipped to handle her problems. but i always feel really guilty whenever i end up rejecting her, since she doesnt have many people to turn to. AITA for constantly rejecting interaction with her?

What are these acronyms?

[eletricheart]

The Best Day

(Donna Beneviento x Reader)

*image creds to owner

Word count: 794

I thought of this story while listening to The Best Day and Mastermind by Taylor Swift.

It's on how even though you didn't have any friends in your town it was still possible to find someone who you'd have your best days with.

ps: songs are at the end

ps2: not proofread, pls lmk any mistakes

----------------------------------------------------

No one wanted to play with you as a little kid, so you started to plan every interaction to make others love you. It worked for a while, but as much as you had them during school, you were still never past colleagues.

This situation stretched all the way to adulthood. You were alone, not always lonely, but still just you.

As a result of being ignored for a big part of your life, you knew most of the forest since it was your special hideout.

The day was a difficult one, you had invited your neighbors for a small night out and they claimed to be busy. You believed them, until seeing the group together at a tavern.

So you walked, and walked, past the known paths, just ahead. You only took notice of your surroundings once reaching a small grave. At first you thought of running, after all there were many stories of House Beneviento, but you stayed…and talked.

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

It started simple, a short one sided conversation. Then, as the week passed by you made more visits, always paying your respects and talking.

You've always noticed the dolls, especially when more started to show. They didn't move, just remained scattered and sitted, as if listening.

You got used to it, slowly forgetting the neighbors and finally stopping to care for the villagers. Instead, you focused all of your energy in little gifts for the dolls that were keeping you company.

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

Angie introduced herself first, jumping in your head as you walked towards the simple clearing. In all honesty, you were frightened for the next few days, but eventually started to love the doll, even learning how to sew to make dresses for her.

Lady Angie, as you call her, was the one who led you to the house. It took a month and a lot of convincing but nothing a tea party couldn't solve.

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

Donna usually just observed you from afar, making sure no lycans bothered your walk. Her interference started to follow you into the village, the dollmaker would claim she was just ensuring your safety.

She would notice how most people wouldn't talk to you, not even in greetings. This dismissal made her mad, how could they ignore you, you were always so kind, so cheerful, it didn't make any sense.

So, Donna decided to greet you. It began with a nod until it slowly turned into shy 'hello'.

Once the first words were spoken, the lady felt more comfortable staying around you. She would laugh at your jokes, go on short walks with you, anything you offered the dollmaker would accept with an excited nod. 

You, of course, felt the greatest pride when she laughed, even making mental notes to find jokes in similar themes. During the walks you constantly tried to read Donna's body language, memorizing which paths she enjoyed. 

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

Your first conversation was on a rainy saturday. The village was having a party to celebrate the healthy harvest. You rarely attended, finding no joy in spending the night alone in public.

However, this time, you visited Donna. It wasn't an usual visit day but you figured she wouldn't mind, Angie always seemed so insistent in trying to make you stay anyway.

The dollmaker was confused with your arrival, but happy nonetheless. She rushed to make some tea and leave her dolls presentable for you.

It was a few hours into your visit, you were both sitting on the couch watching the rain.

Donna was a bit anxious, she didn't want to ruin your night with her questions, but she was so curious. "Why…why did you come?" She asked, with her head down.

You turned your head to look at her. "I guess I didn't want to be alone." You shrugged, afraid she found you annoying.

The dollmaker took a deep breath. "Why me?" She asked again, fidgeting with her fingers.

You smiled kindly. "My best days are with you, I couldn't possibly choose anyone else."

She nodded, slowly. "I'm…happy with you around." 

Your smile grew wider. "I'm happy with you too, and Angie of course."

Donna laughed and laid her head on your shoulder.

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

Your visits became more recurring, the walks were now made with holding hands, the jokes were now followed with a counter one, even Angie joined into plan making, tho her daily schedules involved more hide and seek than you've played in your entire life.

Donna asked you to live with her a few days later…well…she didn't exactly ask. Angie screamed at you when it was time to leave and threatened to lock you in her room. Therefore, the dollmaker had to interfere and ask you more calmly if you wished to stay with her.

And you said yes.

----------------------------------------------------

masterlist

[wondercourse]

Long aimless rambling anecdote time because the local voidthing is thinking again uh oh.

Honestly whenever someone who does things like post to cringe subreddits say they're doing it because they care about pwCDDs and education and whatever, I just think about the psychoeducation piece of my treatment and the fact that none of it came with this weird fakeclaiming thing. It was never presented as "Here's the information :) If you don't match it exactly it's a moral failing because you make people with DID look bad". Because that's weird. That's a weird and shitty thing to do to a community you claim to care about.

She has also...never made a big deal about the split that caused me to like. Be Wonder. Came with a lot of fictional introjects. Nor did she make a big fuss about the amount of parts that year-long bullshit I went through caused to split off, introjection or no. She does want to make sure we remain open to each other's existences, but she just treats those fictives like any other alter rather than as a reason my DID is somehow Wrong™.

And that aside, because DID Isn't Alters Disorder (remember?), she cares more about the year-long BS and its affects on us. On me as a whole. That includes the parts aspect, of course, but that isn't all it is.

What's crazy is that she shows that she cares for me and that she's pro-recovery by…helping me through my recovery. Making sure I'm informed. Helping me work through my phobia of the inner experience (which extends partially to other parts). Listening to my experiences REGARDLESS of what she thinks may be causing them rather than shaming me for being wrong about what could be causing them.

Before I was in therapy but after being wrong about a lot of things re: my DID that cringe subs eat eat UP, I did think things like FDC and SystemsCringe were helpful. I slingshotted to the other side. I wanted to crack down on any perceived "abnormality" in presentation because I hated myself for having been wrong.

But...I dunno. When you have an experience like moving between—

anti-endo (woefully misinformed) -> anti-endo (syscringe supporter who presented it as a Good Thing) -> not caring anymore and just trying to get through life. get this shit out of my face. -> "oh shit i might have endogenic parts. welp. gotta navigate that now" -> [starts to more concretely register that i went through nearly constant, inescapable, and very high stress for about a year] "...oh"

—you very quickly shift to minding your damn business.

So with all that, when I see people presenting posting people to cringe subreddits as somehow being a net positive for "real" (mostly arbitrary modifier yippee) CDD systems is like...weird. Because that exact kind of thing distorted my perception of myself so deeply that my therapist often has to be the person in real life going "hey, man, how's it going" because I've internalized so much stuff.

In all honesty, people who say that online spaces are the worst places to start when you have DID are right. Because both extremes exist and are extremely prominent, and both really fuck you up.

Cringe subs aren't doing shit for pwCDDs.

Send tumble.

[unfunnyaceartist]

Vent post ahead that may change your view on me and that may sound dramatic (NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE, THIS IS JUST IN GENERAL) Mostly just to get out my feelings. I only ask that if you look, to be kind and understanding and patient. Also the tags are silly and id appreciate if you read em. id appreciate if you didnt ask me anything on it

I feel toxic sometimes because i can get so jealous i borderline gatekeep things and I always feel so bad because its never intentional but then I end up hating myself because I know its unhealthy and irrational but I cant help it, and I know im so lucky and have a lot in many senses of the word, but at times it feels like they can be taking everything, because when I like someone or something, they tend to matter a fuck-ton to me. Im sorry to anyone ive lashed out at a bit for them wanting what I have, I really am. Its not coming from a place of hostility, rather a place of trauma responses and hyperfixation that stem from my adhd and autism but like when I try something and it goes great, and then someone else is like "OOH thats awesome I wanna do that too" It feels almost like when Im finally happy or excited or proud to have something, someone comes and takes it. Usually Ill play it off as a joke, but in reality, its complete honesty that im trying to soften so I dont upset anyone, especially when its over fiction or a person, because I do NOT own them and I know that, but it bothers me when someone swoops in to do the exact same things or even one-up especially when its really soon after me, and since my self worth is already abysmal, it just makes me feel worse, like I should be lucky to have what I do to begin with, but I feel the need to hold it close to me and protect it so I dont lose things that make me really happy.

Recently Ive even started reverse gatekeeping in response to others, where ill just tell myself I cant or dont deserve to have anything special because I'm not, and only others can enjoy this. But thats why people making me ship content makes me so happy. Its dumb to get jealous over others selfshipping with a character I like. Its dumb to get upset over someone I know copying or taking heavy inspiration from one of my ideas. Its dumb to get possessive over someone else trying to befriend my new awesome friends or wife/wives. I rarely selfship anymore due to my reverse gatekeeping and instead serve the others who simp or enjoy content. I provide since I feel I cant take. It makes me happy and distracts me. But the moment someone else does something similar to what is my toxic coping mechanism for my toxic coping mechanism, it only hurts worse. Thats why sometimes, for example, I get a bit snappy when someone else provides gummybunny (that and also shipping jealousy sometimes). Thats why I get snappy when I make a friend someone else super cool and then another person comes in and wants to befriend them (No darken, this wasnt directed at you, its happened more than once with more than one person but I know how you tend to assume). I LOVE giving but I hate sharing, because all my life whenever I shared, I lost something.

Introduce a friend to a friend? They leave me behind for eachother. Let someone wear my fitbit because they wanted to feel "rich"? It got stolen. Give money to someone in a "rough spot" who promised to repay me somehow? Never saw them again. I was always so trusting and understanding, and I always made excuses for others. Always so naive and gullible. So much so, in fact, that in elementary I kept letting my bullies pretend to be my friends when they claimed they changed, and let them destroy any ounce of worth I had whatsoever. Things that make me happy I CHERISH because of all the things ive lost and all my experiences. Ive never been hit, not once, but the abuse all my life came emotionally and mentally, and I only recently realized through therapy. Now its hard to trust people in certain situations. Sorry for my probably hard to follow and melodramatic rant.

sorry im dumb haha

[vorchagirl]

oc ask game

1, 8, 11, 18, 25

For the Ryder of your choice!

I'll answer these for Cerys! Thanks for the asks :)

1. Will your OC get married and with who? I think Cerys would have eventually married Reyes if Harry hadn't come onto the scene - she and Reyes are in love, they're extremely close, and he's very dedicated to her. Once Harry joins the relationship, they work hard to try and keep things equal so I can't see marriage happening, I can definitely see them having some kind of commitment ceremony with each other.

8. Greatest strength and greatest flaw about your OC? I think her greatest flaw and her greatest strength is the same thing - Cerys is very honest and a terrible liar. She isn't able to hide things from people, even when she really needs to. It gets her into a lot of messes, but her honesty is one of the things both men love about her.

11. What actor or voice actor do you see best playing as your OC? Cerys Ryder looks very similar to generic Sara Ryder from the game and I imagine her voice as Ryder in the game. In terms of a face claim, I think Alexandra Daddario would suit her perfectly.

18. What is your OC’s greatest fear? Honestly, it's probably losing Reyes. As much as she loves Harry and need him in her life, Reyes was there for her in a time when she needed stability and they have a deep connection. If something happened to him, I don't think even Harry could save her, or if did, she would lose a part of herself. Cerys has lost too many people in her life.

25. The name you chose for your OC, why did you chose it? Originally, I was just going to call her Sara Ryder, but I wanted something a little more meaningful so I put together a short list and asked a few people's opinion on the Mass Effect Fanfiction Writer Discord. Cerys means beloved, and she is loved by Harry and Reyes, so it seemed to fit. @ashenlavellan also liked it for the same reason I did, so I went with that name.

Thanks for the ask!

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for Building Someone a Present?

There’s this girl (20) that I (20M) have been friends with for most of my life. In all honesty, she’s been my only friend for most of my life. Two and a half months ago, we were walking, and she all of a sudden took my hand and tried to kiss me. I confess I enjoyed it, and confess further that I had been dreaming about that sort of thing with her for some time now, but dreams and reality are very different, and I know full well that trying to partner her and me would never work. It’s a miracle she’s even born being my friend this long. In a panic, I shoved her away, and she stammered out an apology and left looking so forlorn that I wanted to call after her and explain, but I couldn’t think of what to say.

Shortly after this, I left home on a…kind of a work retreat, I suppose? I have a lot of projects I’ve been trying to complete, and was hopeful that I could make better progress if I was away from people (especially pretty girls with sad eyes…). However, it appears that the girl has followed after me, under the apparent impression that I’m in danger (I suppose I did leave rather suddenly, and I’m not sure I remembered to leave a note). I asked the lady who offered me this retreat to explain the situation to her (I’m worried that if I see her face-to-face I won’t be able to ask her to leave) but she said no, and wouldn’t really give me much of an explanation as to why. I hated to see her traveling all alone through cold and dangerous territory for my sake, but I held firm to my conviction that going out to her would be worse for her in the long run.

Fortunately, my hostess had to do some unexpected business travel of her own, and wanted me to come along with her and work as well as I can on the road. Normally I would have been annoyed to be thrust back into the human society that I sought out this retreat in order to avoid, but since evidence suggested that my friend had reached the lady’s home and, finding it empty, started to track us, I had hoped to use the trip as a chance to find another man to “fix her up” with, so that she could find true happiness. Unfortunately, all the men I found proved to be eminently unsuitable in one way or another, and she was fast approaching catching up with us. Unwilling to be selfish enough to claim her for myself, but unable to bring myself to send her away unhappy, I finally had my epiphany, and fortuitously was in a place with enough materials to hand to build a clockwork duplicate of myself, carefully programmed to be the perfect lover. When she finally caught up with us, I steeled my heart, sent the duplicate out to greet her, and assumed that I would never see her again.

Instead, the duplicate returned to me less than two days later, with a note from the girl saying that she had known from right off that it wasn’t me, that she didn’t want simmulara, that if I didn’t want her there was no need to placate her with consolation prizes, but demanding that I tell her, myself, whether I wanted her or not.

What on Earth am I to do? I’ll never be able to look her in the eye and tell her that I don’t want her when that is so far from the truth, but I’ll never be able to live with myself if I let her love me. I thought that, by building her something that looked like me but was far better, I could satisfy her, but evidently this is not the case (why not?)

[queen-diamond-serenity]

Most people in the Red Dead Community like to think they know who Dutch really is and have that man all figured out.

But in all honesty I just feel like most really don't which is why I try my best to avoid having conversations and even dealing with people who are against Dutch or just come up with these ridiculous claims about him. And when it comes to us Dutch apologist no one is making excuses for his wrongdoing we know he's done wrong but y'all like to nitpick and over analyze and over exaggerate every little thing about this character to the point where it makes you look ridiculous.

A lot of you think that everything about him is fake and he was manipulating all of this from the beginning for the past 20 years y'all think this is who he really was when it doesn't logically add up or make any kind of sense. I feel like this character is judged way too harshly. You all act like he's the only one with faults when the truth is he isn't. The same people that want to harshly judge Dutch are the same people who try to give Micah the benefit of the doubt even said that Dutch is worse than him if that is even possible I don't think I take people serious who say shit like that. How could you?

Do y'all even pay attention to the details of Micah or do you have your head so far up the faults of Dutch ass to the point where you can't even see that Micah's own brother wants nothing to do with him and he actually said if he ever crossed paths with him again that he would kill him he told his brother that he has no reason to contact him or write him again or be in his presence for any reason. The fact that his own brother wants nothing to do with him should let you know something. On top of that he wrote some type of note at Camp if you read it how he takes joy and backstabbing unsuspecting people that trusts him. Micah has absolutely not one ounce of redeeming qualities and he shows to be a true sociopath. He's also a racist and a child killer. Even one of his buddies I think it was Joe or cleat that left aside because he killed a kid. Dutch show that he went crazy and just lost his Humanity because of all his faults. Dutch could have Redemption but the thing about Dutch is after everything he did to the people that he actually loved and cared about that you think was so fake and he was playing games with him from the beginning he actually feels like he doesn't deserve Redemption for what he did. So who we see in RDR1 is a man who's punishing himself and punishing everything around him that he blames for how things went wrong. You also like to accuse him of being motivated by greed. And if that was the case he would have shot both Micah and John up at that snowy mountain and took the Blackwater money and went about his business if he had no real heart in him. Even in RDR1 he had plenty of opportunities to kill John and truly never did nothing was stopping him from shooting John when he was mad at the top of the mountain in the first game. He threw his gun into his own life so his son wouldn't have to live with with being the one to end his life.

For the most part I ignore y'all until I decide to engage for a bit and then pull back and just leave you alone for months at a time. You know since this game came out this is the first time I've been vocal. The fact that it took me 5 years to start speaking my mind speaks of volumes when it comes to addressing the things that I see in this community especially as far as Dutch is concerned.

If y'all really sat back and examine some of the shit you write concerning his character you'd actually see why it's worth criticizing. And y'all have nerve to speak out against Dutch apologist as if you have real argument to stand on when you and all honesty really don't. Not from what I'm analyzing.

Like I don't care if people who don't like Dutch apologists wants to block all of us and all honesty I do my best to stay out of your space anyway.

I wrote this from being tickled coming across some comment on YouTube the homefront of toxic opinions concerning Dutch lol. One fan stating that Dutch is way worse than Micah. Do you think I as a black woman with deam Dutch worse than Micah?

Who's a blatant racist?

For anyone to sit up here and say that Dutch was a fraud from the beginning you have to prove to me that he was pretending to not be a racist. Which is utterly insane given the time period he was living in. This was during the time when whites only and coloreds only signs was put on water fountains and bathrooms. You mean to tell me during a time period like this a Caucasian man decided to pretend to not be racist just in case he bumped into a couple of people of color that he would later on letting to his gang? If you're going to drive the point home that Dutch was a fraud from the beginning then you have to show and prove to me that he was a fraud with everything else that means including pretending to not be racist as a means of manipulation what evidence do you have that that's even there? You see when you take it from a woman of colors perspective concern is Dutch character that opens up a can of worms that most of you can't even touch. You see I can look at this situation from angles that most people don't even think of looking at it from. So y'all thought I cracked the surface with this shit but to be honest I haven't gone as deep as I really wanted to go. This is something that has been sitting with me for a long time. Dutch was an outlaw I expect him to be what an outlaw is. Dutch is the Wild Wild West. And modern day societies like Saint Denis took the Wild Wild West from him and that's like taking a fish out of water for dutch. He didn't want things to change. But you can't fight a war against progress and it drove him insane. Dutch has his faults but let's stop trying to act like other things that came into play wasn't a contributing factor. Y'all sit there and unfairly judge him with the situation even with Angelo Bronte Leviticus Cornwall that brings me back to being a woman of color. Y'all give him shit about killing people like Angela Bronte Leviticus Cornwall and Catherine braithwaite. And using that as a means to drive home your point that he was always a fraud and manipulative and all these things. Do you think I as a black woman would give a rat's ass about Dutch killing people like them? People who did not like black people? The only issue I had is how he may have executed it and then I had a problem with how he killed the innocent mother that was out of pocket. But you can't use these people he killed as a means to drive a point home when I'm looking at it from the perspective that I can't help but look at it from. You cannot judge Dutch on the standards of today's standards because he is a character that is being portrayed from a time period from over a hundred years ago so I have no choice but to look at it from the angle I'm looking at it from. When you start to examine the situation like this you begin to realize how ridiculous most of you sound which is why I try not to engage in conversations which are regarding him. Now I do plan on coming and explaining other characters but until then I'm going to continue to put my focus on dutch. Being that that's where everybody's focus is on with being the biggest ones y'all like to criticize.

Y'all don't criticize Arthur Who obviously has faults and you don't criticize John who also obviously have faults. Y'all put John and Arthur especially Arthur on a pedestal because given the situation not realizing that any given chance that if you were in front of their faces they robbed and kill you if it satisfied their need at that given time. Probably even Dutch. But I digress.

And unlike Dutch haters who like to push Dutch apologist away the irony is I don't push Micah apologist away because I have a good argument against them LOL I don't tell them that they aren't allowed in my space because I'm not that sensitive and I'm not that much of a bitch who's in her feelings in that regard. I welcome all people from whatever fan base they're coming from among Red Dead Redemption family. Because I know how to carry a good debate.

Like I keep saying a third game needs to be installed and it needs to be centered around Dutch being the protagonist. And I know a lot of you don't want that because it will debunk a lot of the dumbass arguments you've had against him all these years. That's why y'all hoping it's anybody but him we get to play on that controller.

Rather you agree with this post or not rather you share it or not whether you hurt or not I'm okay with that. Because in all honesty I do this for my own pleasure. But to those who have supported me some subjects on my page more than others I greatly appreciate it.

I get it I know I come off a bit strong at times and a little aggressive with my Approach but when you're dealing with ignorance like this sometimes you got to add a little fire to the mix. I'm just passionate about the subjects I take on and speak about. A lot of people like to take that for being angry and nasty and mean no I'm just passionate about the subjects I take interest in. So people will take it the wrong way and look at it as mean and angry and aggressive. But what do you expect from people who are poor Judgment of character. So I don't take that personal.

I may come off as like I'm trying to cause drama but in truth I'm really not. I can't help it if my approaches have fire to it. That's just my personality my personality is very strongly expressive. It's been like this since I was a little girl I've always been like this very loud in my personality very creative with my words very outspoken.

It's been awhile since I went on a rant and I just needed to get this out of my chest. Y'all don't realize I've been holding a lot of this shit in your for several years now. So let me have my space to vent.