#a lot of other podcasts would lose something of what made them unique or just be untranslatable

[valtsv]

i know that this is a monkey's paw kind of statement but out of all the podcasts i've listened to the silt verses is the one that i think would actually make a really good tv show

[eunoiamaybe]

my “sort-of-complete” online classes and exams tips

This is a longer-than-usual post with tips for the 3 stages of online classes: focusing during an online class session, reviewing/studying for online classes, and preparing for online exams/ quizzes. So I decided to insert the “Read More” link to (a) not take up too much space on your dash, and (b) feel more confident in adding more tips as time goes on.

These are tips that I’ve compiled from my experience of taking online classes during my last 1.5 years at university. But having all of your courses moved online is so much more complicated. Since I’m currently doing an internship, I have tried my best to produce this post based on the comments of my friends IRL and on Tumblr (hence the “my”). However, I hope it can still be useful for you and many who were all abruptly put in this same situation.

So feel free to share your own tips and experience! I will probably go back to this once in a while to make some changes to it and add your tips. Good luck to everyone who is currently/ about to take online classes. You are almost there! 🍀 I believe in every single one of you!

~  Click away for them tips   ~

💻 DURING ONLINE CLASS SESSIONS:

- try to treat online classes the same as an in-person class, especially time-wise (set a specific time for each class and plan your own class schedule. even better, study for your classes at the same time they used to be held. this will create a sense of routine and trigger the brain's normal reactions to your usual class - which is to study)

- don’t be afraid to fix your plan/ schedule (aka don’t force yourself into one if it doesn’t work for you) (trials and errors, my friend. this applies to plans too. there’s no shame in not being able to keep up with the schedule you’ve made. if you’ve tried or if it hurts you mentally or physically, then that schedule is just not the one for you. everybody has their unique strengths and weaknesses. one’s perfect system might not suit another. finding a system that works for you takes time, patience, and courage. but it will be absolutely worth it)

- find a good spot with enough light and stable wifi (if you have multiple options, select the one that would make you most comfortable, most focused, and confident enough to take online tests/quizzes/exams at - create your “exam space” in advance to reduce the anxiety of tests and unfamiliarity)

- study at a desk, if possible (studying at a desk, with good posture, mimics the feeling of being in a classroom or the library. thus, it will create a sense of routine and help you focus better)  

- accommodate yourself (I’m all about making the best out of a bad situation, and this is one way to do it.  accommodate yourself, not just with comfort, but also with actual necessities that you cannot usually get in your usual classroom/library due to whatever reason. stress balls, stim toys, positivity cards, calming music/candles. comforting plushies. chewing gum. as long as it helps you focus better, it's on the table)

- get dressed (this will bring out that sense of structure and routine that you need. put on your normal outfits, uniforms and even perfume. trick your mind into being focused)

- minimize distractions (declutter your study space. put your phone out of reach. turn off notifications. close all other tabs on your browser. select non-distracting music/ sounds. don’t spam or pay attention to spams in your classes’ chatboxes. only bring along items that are absolutely vital to your focus)

- take notes, even if you can record your lessons and/or access the lessons later (it can either be digital notes or handwritten notes on paper - your call. this will force you to focus and prevent you from zoning out/ being distracted)

- be actively engaged in the lecture (if there are technical problems or if you have questions, chatbox away. this is also good practice for people with social anxiety too: the fact that you are in your home and behind the screen can make it easier for you to ask for help)

- if possible, put your teachers/profs on the big screen to create the illusion of being in a lecture (if your study spot has a TV/projector that can connect to your laptop and quality speakers, do it. it's more fun than you'd think. also super stimulating and kicks the boredom out of you too)

- if not, use headphones/ earphones (speakers can create a feeling of distance between the lecture and yourself. combined with unstable internet and/or monotonous voices of some instructors, this may result in your brain classifying your lecture as background noises and zone out. so use headphones or earphones with the appropriate volume for that optimal focus mode)

- give yourself breaks between classes (don't cram all your classes in one morning. but don't procrastinate either. time your breaks. look at something else besides a computer or phone screen while you’re on break too. maybe brew some tea/coffee for your next class or rearrange your notes from the previous one)

💻 REVIEWING FOR ONLINE CLASSES:

- make a schedule/ system - and be ready to change them (this is an elaboration of an earlier tip. your system doesn’t have to work perfectly right away. most of the time, you will have to make some kind of adjustments to it anyway. so take it easy. pay attention to how well you react/ adapt to the new schedule so that you can make necessary changes. and give yourself - especially your mind - some time to adapt to the schedule. don’t rush yourself or put too much pressure on being productive. remember to take care of your well-being too)

- it’s okay to give yourself some off-days (that’s the beauty of not having any physical or even abstract structure that forces you into an inescapable routine. Yes, I know this lack of structure sucks for a lot of us, especially for those who rely on external forces to keep themselves focused. But look on the bright side: now you don’t have to worry about missing classes or losing participation marks when you are unwell physically and mentally anymore)

- textbooks are your friends now (especially when your classes’ live-streams are just chaotic and hard to follow. or when the pre-recorded lectures aren’t loading properly and keeps lagging. practice speed reading. look for keywords and crucial information. take notes rather than highlighting everything. compare them to your lecture notes, your syllabus, or your friends’)

- take advantage of the online format’s availability + other resources (availability is here, baby! revisit lecture videos and podcasts as many times as you need to. check your email classes’ forums regularly for questions or announcements. re-listen to your lecture when you're cleaning or exercising. watch videos of Khan Academy or CrashCourse. look for online tutors. study at your own pace and in your own style. basically anything you wish you could do when your class was in-person)

- there’s no need to submit assignments early if it’s anxiety-inducing. but make a schedule/ tracking system/ set alarms to avoid forgetting to turn them in (take your time to double-check or edit your work - as long as the submission box is still open, of course. set aside about an hour or two before the deadline for submission to avoid any technical difficulties. and remember to start working on them early so that you don’t have to shorten that window of time and have more time for double-checking)

- don't be afraid to email the profs/teachers (if possible, compile your questions into a list. be as specific as you can about your concerns. put a subject for your email to reduces the chance of your email getting lost in your instructors' inbox.)

- reward yourself (don't stress yourself out by rewarding big accomplishments. reward small victories. reward baby steps. reward effort. you'll get things done eventually)

- take time to know your learning style (when are you most focused? do you like taking digital notes or do you prefer pen and paper? are you a visual or an auditory learner? do you like moving around while studying? what drinks or scents or sounds keep you going? you don't have to stick to your usual study methods or an online/paperless one now that you are studying in your own room)

- listen to your mind and body (it’s okay to feel a bit lost) (from my own experience, times that are without structure like nowadays is when most of us fall into this spiraling downfall of unhealthy sleep schedules, lethargy, and loss of purpose. so please take care of your mental and physical well-being during this very, very weird time. keep yourself active. re-ignite old interests/ hobbies. connect with people you love. give yourself some love)

- and more tips on productivity at home in my last post right here

💻 PREPARING FOR ONLINE EXAMS / QUIZZES:

- make a list of all the online exams and final assignment due dates (this will help you keep track of and stay on top of them due dates. from that list, trace backward to make a review or study plan to prepare for the tests and work on the assignments. if there are any time conflicts, especially for those who are now living in a different timezone from their schools or colleges, email the instructors to seek solutions or alternative options)

- again, find a good spot with good wifi, good lighting, and a desk (if possible, try to recreate your ideal exam environment as closely as you can while studying and reviewing for the exams. this can reduce the anxiety of tests and/or unfamiliarity)

- be prepared for technical difficulties (especially mentally, so that you don’t plan out a course of action to take if they ever arise. draft an email template. research in advance the contacts of people whom you can report to - IT personnel, your instructors, student office, etc.)

- bring everything you need to the exams - but no distractions (like mentioned earlier, if you need any special accommodations that are considered "unacceptable" in an in-person exam/quiz, now it's the time to bring them along - you’re in charge of your test space now, so make it as comfortable and accomodating as you want)

- plan your desk set-up prior to your exams (so many extra items. still so little desk space. therefore, plan ahead so your desk does not turn into a mess when you take your exams. plan where you want to put your notes, textbooks, calculators or scrap paper. think about how much use you’re gonna get out of each item and place them within or slightly-out-of reach accordingly. charge your laptop. sharpen your pencils. have your backup stationery handy. lay out everything you need onto your desk the night before your tests. this can create a feeling of preparedness and thus, reduce anxiety as well)

- make cheatsheets (the goals when making them are simple: (1) get you to rewrite your notes for that good memorization; (2) condense your information and find a connection between them for a thorough understanding of the materials; (3) reduce the time you use to flip through your notebooks or textbooks or google for information during the actual tests)

- time yourself with mock exams (if you are given mock exams to practice with, do them, with a timer. this will help you familiarize yourself with the stress of being timed, thus reducing your anxiety during the actual tests)

- get enough sleep and eat properly (even if the exams or quizzes are online, they are still, at their core, tests. and tests are always stressful and energy-consuming. so take care of both your physical and mental health, especially during the week leading up to your exams)

[beholdme]

All the Many Shades of Gerry - Chapter 14

Chapters: 14/19

Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist

Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Library AU, Librarian Jon, Artist Gerry, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Asexual Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Ace Subtype - Sex Positive, Polyamory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Falling In Love, Boys in Skirts, Kissing, Demisexual Gerard Keay, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Canon-Typical Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Flirting, Minor Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Adventures in Hair Dying, Happy Ending, Banter, Gerry has a lot of sass, Gerard Keay is Morticia Adams, Jon is a very grumpy Librarian, Martin adores them anyway.

Summary: In which Gerry is a kaleidoscope and Jon and Martin can’t help falling in love with him.

He happens to love them back.

Find it on Ao3

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13]

One night, in the middle of a shift, Gerry gets a pounding migraine and goes to the back to have a cigarette. He knows it won't help, but he smokes it anyway and considers things as he paces the back room.

He's terrible at being sick, and it makes him miserable to be around. Still, the pain makes him ache for his partners, and he can't help picking up the phone to call Jon. It's close to midnight, but Gerry hopes that it won't be the one time Jon has gone to bed at a reasonable hour.

"Hello, Gerard," Jon answers the phone with an ocean of warmth in his voice.

"I miss you." Gerry presses his forehead into the cool window, seeking some sort of relief from the agonizing pressure in his head. He whispers the words like a confession, smokey breath fogging up the glass before him.

"What's wrong my love?" Just Jon's heady, seductive voice provides the emotional support Gerry was seeking, and he wishes he could sink into the words, the feelings behind them, and leave his fracturing body behind for a while.

"Nothing. Not feeling well is all. I just wanted to hear your voice." He sounds pale and washed out, even to himself.

"I'm still at the library, I'll come by and haunt you until your shift is over." Jon makes the offer very casually, although that fussy part of his personality that enjoys mothering Gerry and Martin shines through a bit.

"On a Friday, Jon? You should be home with Martin." He can't help but chuckle at his sweet idiot, even through the pain.

"Martin is out with Sasha and Tim for the evening, remember? I was hoping to stop by and tempt you over to mine tonight anyway." Far from being chastised for his workaholic tendencies, Jon injects all his fond affection into his tone. "Would you be interested in spending the night in a handsome man's bed?"

"Fuck yes. Obviously."

"Oh Gerry, my Gerry." Jon sing-songs into the phone. "Always saying just the right thing to make my heart skip a beat."

Gerry takes a moment to consider his state. He can barely see out of his blurry eyes, and the pounding in his ears makes him feel vaguely underwater. His forceful personality makes it hard for him to admit, but he knows he shouldn't be working like this, and that he'll be much better off with his lover than alone in his own flat.

"I'm going to beg off the rest of my shift, will you come fetch me?" He desperately tries to keep his words easy, but he comes off sounding rather plaintive.

"Yes, Gerry, of course." Jon is frowning audibly now, but he leaves his concern be for the moment. Gerry can hear him moving about, probably packing up his things. "I'm leaving right now, I'll be there soonest. Gerry?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Gerry squeezes his eyes shut tight. "I love you too, Jon."

*

Jon takes one look at Gerry's drawn, pale face, and calls them a cab.

Gerry doesn't offer even one argument, and a pit of concern opens up in Jon's stomach.

"Do you want to go back to your place, after all?" He asks, sliding his hands up Gerry's arms to rest on his shoulders. "Maybe you'll be more comfortable in your own space."

"No, let's go to yours." Gerry draws their foreheads together, standing out in the cool air of the street. "I like being in your space, with your energy and your things. Besides, how can I resist an invitation to your bed."

"Yes, all the cuddling we've done there must really make your heart skip a beat with lust," Jon responds drily.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Gerry tells him firmly.

The taxi arrives and they climb in. Gerry is several inches taller than Jon, but he manages to scoot down enough to lie draped over the smaller man. Jon notices with some amusement that Gerry has adopted a rather Saturn-like posture, curled around him like an extremely large cat in the limited space.

They arrive at Jon's building and trudge up the several flights of stairs and through his door. Jon drags Gerry firmly by the hand, worried that without the right forward momentum, he'll lay down on the floor and pass out. Jon, under no misunderstanding about his physical prowess, knows that once his lumberjack-shaped boyfriend goes down, he certainly won't be getting him back up.

They go straight to the en-suite, and Gerry strips down to his briefs, Jon encouraging him to wash his face and half-heartedly brush his teeth. Halfway through, Gerry lets out a startled chuckle.

"What?" Jon asks from nearby, changing by his armoire.

"I own three toothbrushes." He tells him in an airy, disconnected tone. "Don't you think that's kinda silly?"

"No, Gerry, what would be silly was if you only had one and you carried it everywhere you went because you weren't sure whose bed you might end up sleeping in that night." And indeed, the multiple toothbrushes solution had originated from them unexpectedly sleeping over at each other's flats with no planning- and no toothbrushes.

Gerry giggles again, and Jon begins to worry about what kind of bizarre migraine he might have. Having suffered through a fair few in his life, he is more used to them presenting like all-consuming misery than like some kind of weird foggy drug trip. Gerry could be unique that way, though.

"I never thought I would have so many bed options that it might be an issue," Gerry whispers, staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

Changed into his sleep clothes, Jon goes over to stand behind him and wrap an arm around his waist. It's normally a Gerry or Martin posture, since Jon is smaller than them, but there's a different kind of satisfaction in having Gerry relax and settle into him, sighing with something akin to relief.

He looks at their reflection in the mirror and even with Gerry looking haggard, eyes sunken, 5 o'clock shadow coming in, hair thrown haphazardly into a messy bun, Jon can't help the swell of contentment that fills him. How did he, Jon 'walking disaster waiting to happen’ Sims, manage to get this right?

"Then I suppose it's a good thing my bed has been waiting for you all along," Jon eventually responds. "Come on, let's get you into it."

Gerry allows himself to be tucked in, although he refuses food and is only convinced with great reluctance to take two ibuprofen. His eyes remain stubbornly open, but the moment Jon finishes his own nighttime activities and slips into bed with him, Gerry curls around him, and promptly passes out.

*

The next morning, Gerry sleeps far longer than he normally would, even though he went to sleep several hours before his typical bedtime.

When he surfaces, approaching midday, he's groggy and stiff and feels rather hungover. Gerry thinks maybe a hangover would be better- at least then he would have had a good time to compliment his current misery.

Despite that, as he blinks his eyes open, the strains of gentle piano music drift through the flat, and he can't help the smile that spreads across his face. It’s not particularly loud, and Gerry is incredibly soothed by it. In fact, when he says he likes being at Jon’s flat, this is why. He often sits down to play in the softest moments, if Gerry and Martin are around. Any normal, oft-repeated, potentially boring activity could be made delightful and atmospheric if Jon is sitting at the piano.

Jon had once confessed that he vastly preferred playing when one or both of them were around to hear it.

"At least half of the joy of music is in the audience," Jon had confessed quietly to them one day. "And you two are the best audience of all."

Now, as he wakes gently to the sound of his partner making music, Gerry can’t help but feel special and treasured. Never before in his life had he picked up the phone in a crisis with the complete certainty that there would be a loving voice on the other end. He had not even realized he was lacking such reliability until he had come to be able to depend on it, but now that it exists, he shies away from even the thought that he might lose it again.

He takes a moment to consider the current reality of their relationship. He obviously loves them, has always loved Jon, from the moment he growled at Gerry in the literature section of the library when he was seventeen-years-old. Now Martin fits with them both so well, Gerry wouldn’t know how to breathe without him. They’re it for him, he can see that clearly.

He can see it in the way that pain and illness drove him straight to Jon like true north and the way he managed to care for him through it perfectly.

He can see it in the way that Martin never seems to be less affected by finding Gerry in his bookstore, and the way Gerry’s heart feels hot and heavy in his chest every time Martin finds him still and focused and takes a moment to braid his hair in one way or another.

He can even see it in the way he immediately self-destructed when he thought he was going to lose them, pushing every part of his life into immediate turmoil at the thought of being alone again. Family-less. Without his Jon, and his Martin.

And he can see that he’s it for them too, in the way they clung to him to keep him together when he almost sunk the whole thing.

They are, he can see now, as essential to one another as breathing.

Gerry suddenly wishes that this could be the home that they all share. He wishes that every time one of them came home to him, they never had to leave to do laundry or water plants. He wishes, most of all, that this music could fill his house and his heart every morning, and that he would never again have to wake up trying to remember whose bed he was in - because they all shared the same one.

He hopes, desperately, that one day that will be their reality. Maybe not tomorrow, but eventually, he’s confident he can convince he’s partners to stick around for good.

Until then, he’s content to be so loved that he needs three toothbrushes.

*

Gerry thinks maybe he drifts off again, because the next thing he knows, Jon is gently kissing his hand to wake him, a cup of tea in his other.

“Hi,” Jon whispers, sitting down on the bed next to him.

“Hey there,” Gerry offers in return, slowly sitting up and leaning back against the headboard. “How are you today?”

Gerry takes the tea and sips it gratefully, finding it sweet and herbal. Camomile, he thinks, but wouldn’t swear his life on it at that moment.

“How bad could I be?” Jon asks, a mischievous glint in his eye, “I have a beautiful boy in my bed and I think I’ll keep him there all day.”

“Does this stunning nocturnal visitor get a say in the matter or…?” Gerry manages to offer a slightly dimmer version of his flirtatious grin.

“Maybe, if he makes it worth my while.” Jon teases, before sobering a little. “How are you though? You seemed in a pretty bad way last night.”

“I think I’m fine now, I guess it was just a fluke.” Gerry stretches, joints popping.

Jon picks up the tea to take a sip.

“It’s not as good as when Martin makes it.” He mutters to himself, grimacing.

Gerry finishes stretching, rather like a cat again, before shifting up onto his knees to hover slightly above Jon, as is his preference. “Maybe, but it’s still my favourite kind of thing because it's something you made for me.”

Jon reaches up, wrapping a hand around Gerry’s neck and pulling his lips down to meet his own. It’s gentle and dragging, and they tangle together enjoyably for several minutes. Gerry pulls away to kiss Jon’s cheeks, his nose, his forehead. Eventually Jon giggles and pushes him away, handing the tea back over in an effort to distract him.

“Do you want anything to eat?” Jon queries.

“Not just yet. Maybe a shower?”

“That sounds like a good plan. You should take it easy today.” Jon pauses, considering his next suggestion. “And maybe I could convince you to take tonight off from the bar too? Then we can all spend the evening together.”

"Yes, I think I could be tempted to do exactly that."

*

Gerry lingers in the shower, letting the water work out his stiffness and lift the fog hanging pervasively over him.

He washes his hair with Jon's shampoo and hopes the scent will linger on him. He decides not to shave, feeling too loose and lazy to handle any sharp objects.

Jon force-feeds him after, and then he braids Gerry's hair to keep it out his face.

"I can't believe you never braided your hair before you met Martin," Jon says as his fingers move through his hair rhythmically.

Gerry shrugs. "There was never anyone to teach me on myself, and my mother was bald for my entire formative life, so I couldn't learn from her."

Jon hums in acknowledgement.

"Speaking of Martin, where is our errant lover?" Gerry asks buoyantly, bouncing slightly.

Jon laughs at him, "Apparently he was out all night and then crashed on Tim's couch. He's going to come over later when he's managed to disinfect himself."

After, they move back to bed to read their books and rest, basking in the simple comfort of each other's presence, waiting for their third.

[neriad13]

Favorite Media of 2020!

There was a large swathe of this year during which I was unable to concentrate on reading (as there probably was for a lot of other typically-frequent readers), so, as a result, I ended up listening to way more podcasts and watching way more TV shows. Not a bad thing, but boy did I read way less books than usual. 

However, for the first time in a while, the amount of fiction I read was about equal with the amount of nonfiction I read. Last year’s reading resolution was to read more fiction, so...success??

I did read a lot of phenomenal fiction when I had the energy to do so this year.

Books - Fiction

The Martian - Andy Weir

This book is the hardest of the hard sci fi I think I’ve ever read. Every single aspect of it is minutely researched and calculated. The author literally wrote equations to write this book. The science is insanely impressive and yet...it never loses its sense of humor or humanity in the mix. In fact, they’re the thing that drives the entire story.

Warlock Holmes - G. S. Denning

Way early in the year I was strolling down the fantasy aisle at the library, when this cover caught my eye. I took one look at it, went “oh, this looks silly” and...proceeded to devour the entire series in a matter of weeks. 

It is very silly. Especially when it’s pointing out something that was silly in the original. There’s something so satisfying about Watson immediately answering Holmes with the correct number of steps in their flat when he’s trying to make his point about how most people don’t pay attention to things like that.

World War Z - Max Brooks

Every single scenario in here could easily support an entire book. A park ranger whose job it is to contain the yearly zombie spring thaw? HECK YES. I’d read tens of thousands of words about that. A Chinese admiral who defaults, steals the government’s premier submarine, loads it up with the families of his underlings and takes to the sea for years to live in the maritime economy that has sprung up in a world where everyone is trying to escape the shore? That could be an entire movie on its own. 

Every chapter was more creative than the last and as a huge worldbuilding fan, this book was so, so fun.

An Unkindness of Ghosts - Rivers Solomon

In which a queer, neurodivergent protagonist solves a mystery on a spaceship which is a microcosm of antebellum era politics! This had a beautiful, mysterious, wonder-inducing writing style and it was a joy to peer into the wildly differing minds of every single character.

Books - Nonfiction

Underland - Robert MacFarlane

In every chapter, the author visits a different hole. Basically.

It’s an exploration of caves, catacombs, mines, nuclear waste facilities and the hidden underbelly of every forest. It was fascinating. And fundamentally changed how I look at time.

Rejected Princesses - Jason Porath

After years of having enjoyed the web entries, I finally got my hands on the first book and was not disappointed. 

There are the more entertaining entries, of course and the art is as charming as always, but what struck me the most were the more difficult stories. The deeper you go into this book, the more horrific it gets. The author does not hold back on the indignities suffered by the historical figures he writes about. It’s terrible...but also very, very illuminating.

The Gift of Fear - Gavin De Becker

This book - while maintaining all the essential information in it - could be pared down to one sentence in a sea of blank pages and that sentence would be: trust your instincts. End of story.

But in a world where instincts are either customarily suppressed or going haywire, it’s not quite that easy, which is why I’m glad there is more to the book.

I picked it up thinking “ha ha, betcha can’t help a person with anxiety who fears all the time already” and...what it actually ended up doing was giving me the tools to differentiate between real fear and unfounded fear. And did help with the anxiety quite a bit.

Fanfiction

Watch Over Me - cakeisatruth

A Bioshock fic from the point of view of a little sister who is learning how to trust and be an ordinary child again. Dark and sweet. An excellent combo.

All That is Visible - Ultima_Thule

An exploration of a minor character in a well researched historical context? That’s my jam! How did they know?? A Tron fic about what it’s like to be a female programmer in the 70s.

Graphic Novels

The Adventure Zone - McElroys + Carey Pietsch

Yesssssssss! It was a running-to-the-library type event whenever my library got a new volume in. The jokes are so good, the art is so lively and the ways in which they added the details that the podcast couldn’t necessarily get across is *mwah*

Trail of Blood - Shuuzou Oshimi

Hoooooooly shit, the art style of this one!! It’s beautifully detailed and expressive, sure, but the real draw for me was how it changes with the emotional state of the main character. There’s this sequence in which he’s consumed with anxiety at school and all of his classmates become blurry and unfocused, until they can’t be recognized as humans at all, that particularly sticks with me.

It’s a horror story about a kid who witnesses his loving mother push his cousin off a cliff for seemingly no reason and is then obligated by her to keep the secret, which is eating him from the inside out. It’s so good, guys, please read it.

Level Up - Gene Lien Yang/Thien Pham

A story about a kid who is haunted by his late father’s desire for him to become a gastroenterologist. It’s funny and touching and the ending gave me what I can only describe as a feeling of exhilaration. Y’know that feeling when something unexpected but not out of left field, perfectly in tune with the narrative arc and gut bustingly funny happens, all in the same panel? That one.

Film

Searching

This is a fairly standard thriller about a dad trying to find out what happened to his missing daughter. It’s also found footage...but not in the usual way, which was what made it so compelling to me. It’s told through the dad’s phone calls, google searches, social media interactions, news footage, security cameras and webcams. It was such a cool way to tell a story.

Train to Busan

There’s a lot that’s already been said about this movie and I don’t think there’s much more I can meaningfully add to that. Suffice to say that ya gotta take care of each other if you’re going to survive a zombie apocalypse!!

TV Series

My Brother’s Husband

As close to a perfect adaptation as a person can get (barring the entire conversation in English which was...oof). I was so happy when they took it a step further and showed Kana and Yaichi actually getting to meet Mike’s family.

Zumbo’s Just Desserts

I watched a lot of baking shows this year. Like...a lot. They were my much-needed comfort viewing for the year and this one was my favorite, even over The Great British Baking Show (which I LOVE). Why? Because the pastry chef for whom it’s named makes such bizarre and wonderful desserts and fosters an environment in which the competitors do the same. I’ve never seen anything like a lot of the desserts that make an appearance on this show. Every single episode was an awesome surprise and so help me, this show had better get a third season.

She-ra and the Princesses of Power

There’s also a lot that’s been said about this one, so I won’t say much more. Suffice to say: DAMN. That’s how you do an 80s toy tie-in cartoon remake.

Infinity Train

This show’s premise is probably the most unique I’ve seen in recent years. Its balance of comedy, horror and existential dread is also *mwah* I also love how much it trusts the viewer to figure things out on their own.

Primal

A late entry sliding in before the year ends! I finally got to watch the second half of the first season last weekend and it was EXCELLENT. The pacing, the brutal fight scenes, the adorable dinosaur antics, the animation, the quiet moments - *mwah-mwah-mwah-mwah-mwah*

The most emotional moment for me was the part in which the protagonists watch, with sorrow, as the rabid dinosaur who’s been trying to kill them all night dies an excruciating death.

Also it sets up a fascinating new plotline right before ending in a cliffhanger!! Another one for the ‘had better get a next season’ list.

Games

Night in the Woods

This is one that’s been on my to play list for a few years and I was so glad I finally got my hands on it. It’s like...The Millennial Experience (TM), the game. I felt so seen, playing it. The character writing was fantastic.

Prey

I don’t know why I put off finishing this for so long. I guess I wasn’t in the right alien killing headspace for a while?? Anyway, the setting is gorgeous, the alien biology is weird and cool, the ethics are delightfully murky and the interconnectedness of the station was really cool, especially in the OH SHIT moments at the end. 

Podcasts

The Adventure Zone

I tried to narrow this down to one favorite arc, but found that I couldn’t do it. I love Balance for its comedy and creative energy. I love Amnesty for its drama and acting. I am loving Graduation for the depth of its world and the way in which the real story behind everything that’s happened is slowly unfurling. It’s a good podcast all around.  

The Magnus Archives

Who obsessively listened to every single season while playing Minecraft in about a month? Surely not me, nooooo. Of course not.

There’s also been a lot said on this one, so I’ll keep it brief. I’ve seen things in here that I haven’t really seen elsewhere in horror. My particular favorites were the creepy psychiatric hospital in which the horror comes not from the patients, but from the denial of the doctor to believe them about their mental illnesses and every single thing related to the Anthropocene. The one with the Amazonian village made out of trash - CHILLS.

[stringergames]

Downtime Roleplay 1 - A Gentle Ribbing

Post Episode 2 - No Smoke Without Fire

Set as group take a short rest to recover somewhat from their first experiences in the strange house they’ve found themselves in. Magpie and Jem tentatively discuss the situation, and how they first met. Fox butts in.

Spoiler warnings: references events from the first two episodes of Edge of Night

Content warnings: depiction of injury (broken ribs, minor burns, exhaustion); self-harm (scratching); references to violence; references to inter-party conflict; references to murder; references to fantasy racism; discussion of horror/paranormal elements; swearing

Magpie sits in a corner, leaving the chairs for the others. His eyes are unfocused, and he occasionally winces at the pain from his ribs if he moves wrong. His ungloved hands are half-clasped in front of him, one anxiously scratching at the back of the other, reddening and irritating the skin.

Jem slumps onto the ground next to Magpie, not close enough to be considered friendly, but not on the other side of the room, as instinct says she should. This man intrigues her. Professional curiosity, that's all. But curiosity nonetheless. What kind of person offers help to someone who stabbed them?

"That looks uncomfortable." She gestures towards his hand.

Magpie focuses in on the present, and looks first at Jem, and then down at his hands. He stops picking at his skin, and hides the redness with his other hand.

"Unconscious habit. It's nothing, really." His voice is hoarse, and tends to trail off at the ends of sentences, as though he struggles to get all the words out before his throat gives up.

"I, uh, I guess the ribs don't help either, huh?" Jem has the decency to look sheepish, although her words are far from an actual apology.

Magpie laughs, a slight wheeze to it, and then winces. 

"No, they certainly don't, but they'll heal. One way or another. Doubt I look as rough as you do though. How are you holding up?"

Jem frowns. Laughter wasn't exactly the response that she was expecting. Nor was sympathy. 

"I'm fine. I don't need your pity." She pauses for a second, considers it, and then adds, "I feel like I haven't slept in four days, and my dress is ruined, so I'm not on my best form, I suppose."

Magpie quirks a smile, and leans back against the wall with a sigh. 

"It's a shame, it was a nice dress." He pauses a moment, and then changes tack. "I've heard of dangerous mists, but more in the sense of 'you might not see this cliff edge,' than the mists themselves doing something like this. I wish I knew what was going on."

Jem nods. "It's definitely outside my sphere of reference, but then again so are haunted houses, reanimated boars, and waking up in closets I definitely didn't go to sleep in."

Magpie hums a noise of agreement, and looks over at her. "It's a bizarre place. I woke up in a master bedroom of some kind. Imposing paintings on the wall and everything."

Jem stares at him for a moment. She isn't a sharer. But something about this stranger is oddly compelling. And, she reasons, she's delirious at best. 

"I woke up twice. The second time was in the cupboard, but the first time was... somewhere else entirely."

"Somewhere else? Do you know where it was?" Magpie's hand begins subtly scratching at the back of his other one again. He doesn't seem to notice, and is instead looking curiously her way.

"I'm not sure it was a ‘somewhere’ at all actually." Jem notices the scratching, but says nothing, lost in her own anxiety as she considers the deal she made in her panic. "It was just darkness, oppressively warm darkness, like being in a starless desert. And there were sparks coming from nowhere every so often. One got me." She turns her head so that Magpie can see the slight burn on her cheek.

He looks, and quirks an eyebrow. "Very strange. This whole situation just keeps spiralling further into the unknown, doesn't it? What made you wake up here instead of staying there?"

Delirious or not, Jem isn't about to admit to making dodgy deals with voices she couldn't identify. 

"Not sure. I don't even know if I could have stayed there. This place definitely isn't any better though. What do you think of the ankle-biters?"

"The children? I don't know. They seem strange. They don't want to come back into the house, sure, but they don't seem as scared as you would expect. Regardless of the fog, and the boars coming back to life, this whole place feels off somehow. The room I woke up in was full of cobwebs and disused. None of us know how we got here. None of it seems... trustworthy somehow, and while I do think we should help them, I don't know what to think of them."

"I'll tell you this much, their concept of time ain't right. There's no way that a family was actively living in this place yesterday. Which makes me doubly suspicious of the fresh food and the fires, they don't match up."

Magpie nods his agreement. "I don't see what else we can do though. We can't leave, and we've got to try something. I don't want to be stuck here forever, so the best we can do is try and effect a change. A monster in the basement looks like a solid start to trying to get rid of harmful fog and reanimating taxidermy."

"I've always found that hitting something hard effects a change of some sort. Positive or negative, it won't be the same."

Magpie's eyes flick down to his chest briefly, and he hums noncommittally. "I think that's probably true."

Ah fuck. Jem decides to give up on making conversation and goes back to concentrating on not falling asleep against the wall.

Magpie chuckles, and nudges her with his elbow. "Look, if you stab someone, you've got to accept it may come up in conversation sometimes, but I'm not angry. We have much bigger problems on our hands I think, and besides, I think you might have done me a favour."

Jem jumps at the contact. "Well, that's certainly a unique reaction. How exactly, if ya don't mind me askin'?"

"I'm right in thinking it wasn't me you were after?"

"If it were, you'd be dead." Jem smiles.

"It could just be where we are, I suppose, but something doesn't feel right." He pulls his sleeve back slightly, exposing more of the white tattoos that can be seen on his face and neck, brushing his fingertips over them and then digging his nails in. "Did you manage it? Or were you caught before you could?"

Jem remembers the sickening crunch of Farthen's boot on Lord Creighton's skull. 

"I think it's safe to say that he won't be giving orders or making racist comments any more. I'm good at my job, and I don't often mix business and pleasure, but I can't help but feel like that racist prick is no great loss to anyone."

A bitter grin spreads across Magpie's face, and his nails dig deeper into his arm. 

"Good." 

His expression brightens a little, some of the darkness that crept into his eyes fleeing again, but a malicious tint still plays at the edges of his expression. "See? You did me a favour."

Jem watches the danger in his grin, and an almost matching smile spreads across her own face. "Then you're welcome, I guess. And for what it's worth, I think you're the least irritating of the lot, so far."

"You're not so bad yourself, for a noble." He laughs again, and then winces, and curls in on himself a bit.

"Ah, yes. About that..." Jem trails off with a shrug. "It's a good cover, but hardly worth it here. I don't think I caught your name at the gala, and I feel fairly certain that the one you got for me was... inaccurate. If we're going to work together for any length of time, we ought to clear that up. I'm Jemima. Jemima Linden."

Fox glances over his shoulder. 

"Absolutely shameful," he tuts. "Impersonating a noble. For shame. I, as a Lord, am outraged."

Jemima actually laughs at this. "The hat is fooling nobody, ginger."

Magpie stops halfway through introducing himself as Fox interjects, and catches himself, starting again. 

"Magpie. Just Magpie." He looks over his shoulder at Fox, and then whispers to Jem, "I didn't know he was a lord. He definitely doesn't act like one."

Jem doesn't bother to whisper back. "If he's a lord, I'll eat his stupid hat."

"You keep away from my hat. I need some of my lordly dignity preserved." He looks from Jemima to Magpie, and gives a mock bow, almost losing the hat in the process. "Lord Fox Ripley, at your service."

"Oh goodness, well in that case," Jem starts to laugh again. "I'd curtsey, but standing is difficult and also I don't believe you."

Fox smiles, and shrugs. "Believe what you like, Ms. Linden. I've got nothing to prove. And as you say, what's a title mean here anyway? I assure you though, red heads can be lords."

"Do forgive me, my Lord," Jem smirks. "I'm sure you're right. What would a commoner like myself know about such things anyway?"

"I'm sure you'll catch up, Princess," Fox says, matching the smirk.

Jem's eyes flash dangerously at the nickname, but she can't help the small amount of actual mirth that curls around the corners of her mouth as she looks pointedly at his ears. 

"I look forward to it, my Lord."

*

Written by Nick Drew, Francesca Forrest & Rowan E. Madden.

Edited by Rowan E. Madden

Edge of Night is a dnd 5e actual play podcast, brought to you by Stringer Games. It is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts & Acast.

[kangtaebins]

Weird Asks That Say A Lot

I said I was going to just answer all of these bc of boredom,, and so here I am

1. Coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Teacups are aesthetically pleasing idc what anyone says

2. Chocolate bars or lollipops? Lollipops

3. Bubblegum or cotton candy? Cotton candy supremacy

4. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? I was told that I was a leader a lot, and was told that I was very intelligent. Ah yes, I suffered from gifted kid burn out in high school-

5. Do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? Look, plastic cups are the best. Specifically the ones with the lids and reusable straws

6. Pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? It truly depends on the day bc some days I would say goth and other days I’d say grunge, but most days- pastel

7. Earbuds or headphones? Earbuds

8. Movies or TV shows? TV shows bc- idk actually I’m just not a movie person

9. Favorite smell in the summer? I have a weird obsession with the smell of cheap sunscreen and I have no clue why

10. Game you were best at in p.e.? I hated gym in high school and rarely participated despite the teacher being irritated with me (truly she gave up after a few months bc I really did not care at all) HOWEVER- I went to town in volleyball and still enjoy playing volleyball v much

11. What do you have for breakfast on an average day? I don’t eat breakfast often,,, 

12. Name of your favorite playlist? Probably my Navy or Indigo playlist

13. Lanyard or key ring? Key ring 

14. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Anything green apple!!!

15. Favorite book you read as a school assignment? I actually genuinely enjoyed Romeo And Juliet tbh

16. Most comfortable position to sit in? I always curl up in a ball on the couch, but in a chair I manspread ngl

17. Most frequently worn pair of shoes? Nike slides <//3

18. Ideal weather? Between 50-70 degrees, sunny but not warm, being able to wear a hoodie and not be hot or cold

19. Sleeping position? I usually either sleep on my left side or on my stomach (my back once in a while when it’s hurting bc I’m a hag)

20. Preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? I write on my phone more than anything

21. Obsession from childhood? Hm- I was really obsessed with High School Musical as a kid. My friend and I would put it on and lip sync to the songs and pretend we were the characters

22. Role model? Is it- wrong to say myself? Bc I feel like that sounds arrogant but genuinely it’s bc I’m constantly trying to better myself mentally and learn and grow. Idk I just am proud of who I am and look to myself when I need to find motivation

23. Strange habits? Strange? Idk if it’s strange but I’m constantly twiddling with the hem of my sleeves bc I love the feeling of it

24. Favorite crystal? Citrine 

25. First song you remember hearing? WH- bitch idk tf

26. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Stay tf inside in the air conditioning

27. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? Stay tf inside in the heat

28. Five songs to describe you? To describe me?? Girl idk I'm all over the place. How about songs that resonate with me instead,,, Alive by Khalid, Paranoid by Lauv, Phobia by Dvwn, Fake Smile by Ariana Grande, and Breathin by Ariana Grande

29. Best way to bond with you? Truly I'm not very difficult to get along with, just don't be an asshole. Talk to me about psychology, current events, say Soobin is the cutest to exist idk it's not that hard

30. Places that you find sacred? I- hm. I'm not like a church person or anything so idk. Maybe just anything really old or places with very detailed and unique architecture

31. What outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? I don't own many clothes,,, let alone nice clothes. I also don't really dress to impress I'd much rather be comfortable

32. Top five favorite vines? Oh god if I h a d to pick???? The lipstick in the Valentino bag, they were roommates, it's an avocado- thaaanks, jared 19, and uh,,, zach stooppp you're gonna get in trouble

33. Most used phrase in your phone? Tbh it's probably "girl what-" or "no bc"

34. Advertisements you have stuck in your head? That 877-CASH-NOW ONE JFC

35. Average time you fall asleep? Between 11pm-1am

36. What is the first meme you remember ever seeing? Probably the troll face one or smth

37. Suitcase or duffel bag? Suitcase

38. Lemonade or tea? I mix them together!

39. Lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? Lemon meringue pie bc I don't really like cake

40. Weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? Y'all I- went to a hs/college mixed school,, I've seen it all. Weirdest?? Idk but one weird thing I remember was when we were making whistles in art and some dude made a penis whistle 😭

41. Last person you texted? My best friend :))

42. Jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jacket pockets

43. Hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? Hoodie 100%

44. Favorite scent for soap? I love soaps that smell like soap. Like ok duh I know that sounds dumb but yk what I mean? I don't want lemon or mint or whatever, I like the plain soap smell

45. Which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? Fantasy

46. Most comfortable outfit to sleep in? Oversized t-shirt, no pants. I question anyone that is comfortable sleeping with pants on-

47. Favorite type of cheese? Feta!

48. If you were a fruit, what kind would you be? I feel like I'd be a pineapple and I have no clue why

49. What saying or quote do you live by? Not necessarily a quote but more of a thought: live for yourself, enjoy each day, do what gives you joy

50. What made you laugh the hardest you ever have? I have had so many instances in which I have laughed so hard I peed and to even attempt to name one is impossible

51. Current stresses? Making sure my family gets their vaccines and stays safe

52. Favorite font? I don't think I have one? Anything except comic sans

53. What is the current state of your hands? What does this even mean 💀 I mean,, they're holding my phone, cold, and my nails are unpolished

54. What did you learn from your first job? That people are assholes but I'm capable of not giving a fuck bc life is not that damn serious

55. Favorite fairy tale? Is The Three Little Pigs considered a fairy tale?

56. Favorite tradition? Putting up the Christmas tree with my mom :( it's always a lot of fun

57. The three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? Depression, grief, and hopefully one day- smth I'm currently dealing with

58. Four talents you’re proud of having? Makeup!! But also: singing, crying on command, and tying cherry stems with my tongue

59. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? Sick of these bitches

60. If you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? I don't watch anime so idk

61. Favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? It's this line from Eleanor & Park: "Eleanor was right: She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something."

62. Seven characters you relate to? Holy hell, 7?? Probably won't get that many but hm,,, Darlene from Roseanne, Hermione from Harry Potter, Emily from Pretty Little Liars maybe?? Idk I suddenly blanked

63. Five songs that would play in your club? As if it's Your Last by BP, anything from SHINee, anything from Ariana, also anything Rihanna, just a bunch of women tbh

64. Favorite website from your childhood? FUCKING WEBKINZ BRO

65. Any permanent scars? I have a few on my arms idk where they came from tbh, I also have one on my hand from my sister 🧍🏻‍♀

66. Favorite flower(s)? Sunflowers!!! I also really love lilacs 💔

67. Good luck charms? My dog's collar that I wear as a bracelet

68. Worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? Licorice-

69. A fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? It takes repeating a piece of information 12 times at random to memorize it completely

70. Left or right handed? Right

71. Least favorite pattern? Fucking chevron- and realistic camo, and anything with the American flag

72. Worst subject? Yall im awful at history. American history, world history, all of it-

73. Favorite weird flavor combo? Either pickles and peanut butter or cheese and grapes

74. At what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? I'm stubborn but also always in pain so I've become numb to a lot of body pains. I have to be at like a 7-8 before I take smth otherwise I'd always be taking it

75. When did you lose your first tooth? I was probably like 5 I was definitely in Kindergarten

76. What’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? I fw baked potatoes

77. Best plant to grow on a windowsill? I have a love for succulents

78. Coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Oh my- I don't drink coffee but coffee from a gas station

79. Which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? Driver's license for sure

80. Earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel tones

81. Fireflies or lightning bugs? I say both,, but I think I say lightning bugs more

82. PC or console? PC

83. Writing or drawing? Both

84. Podcasts or talk radio? Podcasts definitely

84. Barbie or polly pocket? Barbie

85. Fairy tales or mythology? Fairy tales

86. Cookies or cupcakes? C o o k i e s

87. Your greatest fear? Losing people I love

88. Your greatest wish? To live comfortably and be a great mother

89. Who would you put before everyone else? My family

90. Luckiest mistake? Guessing on 90% of a test and getting an A 💀

91. Boxes or bags? Bags are easier to carry-

92. Lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? Fairy lights!!

93. Nicknames? Sam, Sammi, my sister calls me Sams, my best friend calls me Bub, and my gf calls me Baby if that counts- 👀

94. Favorite season? Fall omg it's gorgeous and has perfect temperatures

95. Favorite app on your phone? ✨tumblr✨

96. Desktop background? Its literally a pic of Soobin, Taehyun, and Beomgyu

97. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Like 4-5

98. Favorite historical era? The one where white people learn their fucking place and stop being racist, homophobic, classist, sexist, all the -ists and -phobics,,,, so none. Fuck history :))

[androgynousblackbox]

Rating the cooking shows I have watched while doing chores

For personal reasons I have been doing a lot of chores lately and I refuse to them without something to entertain me, but because I couldn’t bring the TV with me I had my phone. I could have listened to a podcast, but knowing how no one on my home knows the “don’t talk to me while I am wearing earphones because I won’t hear shit” rule, I had to have something I didn’t need to pay extremely close attention to and could miss words of without worrying. Somehow I ended up watching a lot of competition shows, mostly cooking. My rating is completely based on the entertainment I got from them. I know fuck all about anything else. 1. Nailed It. I don’t know how to bake for shit (one time tried to do cupcakes, turned out tasting like vomit) and these people either, so there is already a strong kinship there. I feel their confusion when they don’t know a baking term or how something it’s supposed to look like to know that it’s actually good or not. Also I really like the hosts and their dinamic. Nicole is really fun. The chocolate french expert they bring on looks like a genuelly sweet guy who has a lot of patience with all these poor motherfuckers who are literally ruining the thing he has worked so hard to perfect for years, and are stumbling through the kitchen without a single clue. He actually wants them to learn and do better, and even tries to find the good on the more than less perfect products he has to eat, which is very commendable on itself. West is a fun addition as the serious straight man who never smiles but still comes out doing ridiculous shit to deliver the trophies at the end.  I like that they bring new contestant to each new episodes, all of them with their own stories, personalities and varying levels of sucking, so that makes it more interesting and it’s like watching a mini story arc on a quick and easy format. I have the people I root for and I am glad when they win or sad when they lose. Very binge watching worthy. They always make a big deal at the end when a person wins and, like, fuck yeah, they deserved it. They made the less shitty shit on this shit town and they deserve the celebration, so I enjoyed their fun even if the winner wasn’t my favourite. 2. Best Leftover Ever! This is a show about bringing cooks with some experiences to come grab some leftovers in order to turn them into new meals. As someone that hates wasting food, I really liked the concept itself but it’s also very bright, the set is really fun, the hosts are funny and sometimes they put little tips about what you can do with some meals to use them again and, overall, entertaining and educational on a way. The food many times looks so amazing you wouldn’t have ever imagine what started as before, so outgha teach you some major respect for these cooks and their creativity. They also seem to have a lot of fun when announcing the winner and it’s cheesy, but I will never get tired of “I made you some cashrola” joke at the end.  The hosts have a great dynamic and they are all funny people on their own right, but together they are unstoppable. I am sad that it doesn’t have more seasons. 3. The Final Table. A show about inviting a bunch of big shot cooks around the world to compete to be able to be counted among a bunch of other of big shots cooks around the world. The thing about it is that each episode they concentrate on a specific country so they need to make a food that is typical from that country and later use an ingredient native to it. I love that they always bring a food critic and celebrities from those countries, letting them be the judges and decide if what they are served actually represents them or not. You learn a lot about how they value different things on food according to each country and what distinguish them one from another. Really interesting stuff! Also, to learn that the biggest shot cookers all took the influences of their upbringing to make their own, unique things is legit inspiring. I am not particularly in love with the host, though. Like I am sure he is a good guy, but it kinda gets on my nerves he is “oh yeah?”, “yes?” and making other kind of interjection while people are trying to talk, like he will lose control of the conversation otherwise. Just let people talk, man. But it has great editing and it’s big and dramatic enough that I can forgive that. 4. Sugar Rush. This was actually the first cooking show I finished through all it’s seasons. It’s a time management game in which experienced bakers who are owners of their own business come to fulfill each challenge on a given time frame and the more they take to do the first challenge, that takes time away from the minutes they can use for the second and the third one, so there is already an extra element of tension to see who can finish first, who is taking the longest and how they are going to curve their shortcomings when the time is not enough for something else. The desserts look so fucking good always, even if they didn’t turn out perfect, so it’s obvious these are talented people. I might not understand shit of what are the techniques or some of the ingredients they use or how it works, but it’s fascinating seeing capable people doing their best and using their own creativity when things go wrong. The host aren’t terribly funny, but I can see them being the kind of teacher who will point out when you fucked up but ultimately just encourages you to do better. Just nice people being nice and professional and, you know, I am very fine with that. 5. Crazy Delicious I get the whole aesthetic is about how do you have these “gods of food” who will judge cooks on each round and the set is decorated like a forest where everything is edible, so it makes sense that the prize would be a golden apple that the gods themselves give to the mortal, the competitors. Aesthetically speaking, it makes sense. But that is all they win. There is no money, there is no deal, there is no contract, nothing. Just this one golden apple that I don’t even know what is made of. Like it could be literally the cheapest thing in the world or made of actual gold, I have no clue. And like, it’s not like I don’t get that some cooks literally just want to compete, test themselves and prove themselves and other what they are capable in front of other cooks they respect. I get that. But the delivering of the golden apple itself is kinda anticlimatic every time. You could have made it really fucking cool with some lighting effect, some confetti flying on the air, something. The first episode I watched I felt like I just missed the ending because I didn’t grasped that it was just over. Like the gods come out, give a speech and give the apple. There is no special music even to indicate “hey, this is a big important thing, pay attention!!” and so I didn’t paid attention. Also, I get that the gods have to use their all white uniforms for each episode because that is their godly outfit, fine. But why the host lady also only had one single dress for the entire season, I really don’t understand that. Did they want me to think that they filmed everything on one day or what. Like come on, have her on all sorts of cute sparkly dresses, why not.   Also, she’s an adorable woman but sometimes she would make these fat jokes at her own expense that looked really awkward and out of place. I get it, she is fat, she is allowed to make those jokes if that is her kind of humour, and maybe this is just my impression, but it does feel like they always fall flat because nobody is shown laughing or even enjoying her input. It could have been editing, it could be the fact I am not that used to british humour or what, but it just feels akward. I do like the concept, though, and all the challenges are fun to watch, especially when people have to reinvent a classic dish and they come out with all kinds of different interpretations that I would die to try. Reading different reviews, it might just be me not being used to british competition shows so don’t take this opinion of mine as anything but that, just some random fuck who watched some shows while doing the dishes and enjoyed them overall. I do recommend all these shows, even if just to have some background noise while doing something else.

[lanaisnotwool]

407 Dollar Cost Averaging Is a Lie

http://moneyripples.com/2020/07/13/407-dollar-cost-averaging-is-a-lie/

Chris Miles, the "Cash Flow Expert and Anti-Financial Advisor," is a leading authority on how to quickly free up and create cash flow for thousands of his clients, entrepreneurs, and others internationally! He’s an author, speaker, and radio host that has been featured in US News, CNN Money, Bankrate, Entrepreneur on Fire, and spoken to thousands getting them fast financial results.

Listen to our Podcast here:

https://www.blogtalkradio.com/moneyripples/2020/06/10/407--dollar-cost-averaging-is-a-lie

Shoot me an email  at:

Chris@MoneyRipples.com

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Hello, my fellow Ripplers! This is Chris Miles. Your Cash Flow Expert and Anti-Financial Advisor. Hey guys! Welcome you out for a wonderful show. A show that's for you and about you. Those of you that work so hard for your money and you're ready for your money to start working harder for you. Now! You want that freedom. That cash flow. That prosperity. Today! Not a bazillion years from now, but right now. So you can have that life that you love because you work because you want to. Not because you have to. Be with those you love. Doing whatever the heck you want. But see guys, you want more than just your own comfort convenience, because as Ripplers you want to create a ripple effect in the lives of others, because as you prosper, you can help others do the same. You can show up stronger, more confident and relaxed. And you have the resources and the means to bless more lives.

And guys, that's what I'm here to do. And guys, it's not just about showing you how to make more money, right? That giving you money does not solve your problems, but showing you how to prosper, how to understand those principles of prosperity. That is a ripple effect I'm trying to create for you guys. And I appreciate you guys being a part of this movement, creating a ripple effect in your lives, which allows me to create a ripple effect through you too. And we just keep making this world a better place.

Here is a reminder. Check out our website, MoneyRipples.com. There's blogs on there. It's got videos and we've got even, you know, our Beyond Rice & Beans e-book. You can download for free. So check that out.

So today guys, I want to just express some gratitude and teach a very important concept with everything going on. One, I appreciate those of you have been reaching out to me. Especially because just almost every time you guys reach out, it's someone I can actually help. And this is exactly why I kind of came out of retirement again. Right? This is why I never fully retire because you guys give me meaning you guys give me this ability to keep doing more. And yeah, I love doing the infinite banking stuff with you guys too. Like that's amazing. And I love that I can bring something unique and powerful there that even other infinite makers aren't doing. But on top of that, when I get some of you guys that say, Hey, I think we're a perfect fit for you right now to help take our money or do something with the assets we have and make something of it to create passive income. And man, like you guys have been reaching out almost every time.

It's like, yeah, I can serve you and make a massive impact in your life. And it's awesome! So I appreciate you guys that have been reaching out. As a reminder, if you think you're in that position where you say, Hey, I've got at least a hundred thousand sitting around, or maybe I got a ton of equity in this house. Or maybe if you got a lot of depts. And you say, I've got some resource here, but I'm not sure how to make this all work. Shoot me an email. Chris@MoneyRipples.com and let's check it out. See if there's something you can do in your situation.

But today I want to get into Concept of Dollar Cost Averaging, right? And this is going to be heralded as, dollar crisis energy is going to be already been heralded as the hero for investing, right? I heard this months ago and I've even brought it up again in another podcast episode that we did. About, you know, how a dollar cost averaging is a lie. And I want to go into that and even just emphasize it a little bit deeper because the whole concept in cost dollar cost averaging is, they try to play off the whole buy low sell high. Which by the way, that is a true principle. Like you do want to buy low, sell high, or I shouldn't even say that's true principle. That's more of a strategy than a principle. But overall it does work, right? You do want to buy something at low. And of course you're going to sell it, sell it at a higher price. Right? But here's the thing is that when they tell them a dollar cost, averaging, they say, Hey, the market is going down by more.

Here's the flaw. When the market's going up, what are they telling you? Buy more. Now this is never, Hey, you know what, right now the market's going up. Don't buy anything. Right? That's the fundamental problem is that this is a sales tactic. This sales tactic has been used for you to basically get into the largest Ponzi scheme in the world, which is also known as the stock market. Right? And why do I say it's a Ponzi scheme? Because people say, well, come on there's assets. First off, you really don't have any assets. Yeah. You have shares of a company that already went public. That already made their money off of selling it off. Right? They keep their own shares that just right off of your off, you know, basically they, they they can increase in value too, based on investors and what they're doing.

But essentially you're kind of making more money because more people throwing money into it. Which is also a Ponzi scheme does. People throw money in, right? And you basically get paid from investors money. That's one of the common traits of a Ponzi scheme is that you're not making money because the assets paying you, you're making money because people are throwing money into it. Guess why the stocks go up? Not necessarily because the company's anymore valuable. Because people are throwing money in. Right? Another problem is that, you know, do you really have an asset? The truth is no. I mean, even though you might say, Hey, I got this piece of paper. It says, I have something. You really don't have squat. How you really aren't a very, you're not as significant shareholder in the first place. You think you're a little bit of, money's going to make a difference in that company?

Not at all. You're just gambling with money. You are purely a gambler when you have your money in the stock market. And so I know that's the common thing. And I know it's a sacred cow for a lot of people, but the truth is the stock market is not the place to be. And dollar cost averaging is actually the very concept to also prove that. Hey, here's, let me show you now, those either watching this video, you'll want to watch this right? If you get concepts, you know, you can create images in your mind, this will work. But I have this sheet and I showed this before. In another video. This sheet is the sheet I showed to my clients back in my traditional financial advisor days. Now this was a very useful sheet, especially in Y2K, which is when I came in, right?

Because the market was tanking. Especially 2002. That was the year I came in and that was the biggest losing market. And so we would show people, listen, when the market's going down, you want to buy more. You don't want to stop buying and jump out of the stocks. You want to buy more of this. And so I show this example. So this one, the first there's three different graphs. The first one shows you putting in $200 a month. This shows you just what kind of demographic I was dealing with. Back in those days, you're just throwing in $200 a month and their stock price started at $10, right? Or the mutual fund price start at $10 a share. So at $10 a share, you bought 20 shares because 200 divided by 10 20 shares, right? The goal of this concept is to try and buy as many shares as possible.

And then the, hopefully the price goes up right? Now, the next month you buy it at $12 a share, basically over the course of six months, he goes from 10 to $20. You bought $2 increments per share along the way. In the end, so it's $200 a month. It went from 10 to 12 to 14, to 16, to 18 to 20. Over the six months you bought 85 shares. Now 85 times $20 a share because it jumped, it doubled in price in six months puts you at 1700 bucks. Now here's the concept that I show people and say, look, now if the market was at $10 a share, but then it dropped to $8 the next month, and you're still putting in 200 bucks a month. Then down to five. Then it's set at five for another month. Then went back up to eight. And they only went back up to 10, only broke even.

Now, after doing all of that, you ended up buying 170 shares. You bought double the amount of shares of the one that was going up in price. Why? Because you bought it at a discount, right? Here's the thing. If the value was 1700 bucks, same exact value as the one that doubled in price. So even though the price stayed the same overall, you still made as much money as if it had doubled. Right? In an upward trending market. The last one, the last one of course is the most impressive one I'd show people. And this was a huge seller during Y2K. The last one shows that it started at $10 a share, right? You bought $200 a month or $200 a month. You put $200 to $10 share you buy 20 shares. The next month went down to eight. So now you're buying about 24 shares or 25 shares.

Then it went down to $5. You're like, whew, I just bought now 40 shares. And then it went down to $1 for two months in a row. So basically went down 90%. So you're buying a $1 a share. That means you buy 200 shares in one month, 200 shares again the next month. And then it only recovered up to $4, which means you still bought 50 shares. So in total now instead of 85 or 170 shares, you bought 535 shares. Now time's up by four bucks. You have 2,140, which is over 400 bucks more than the other two examples. And again, like, it's easier to see this on the video. If you're visual, the point is you bought at a discount, right? That's the thing. Here's the problem. Here is the big problem. Because again, if you're going to teach a concept, make sure it works.

Make sure that you're going to actually question what you're teaching here. Because what happens to stock market overall? Which of these three graphs is the stock market over time? Generally speaking right now, it goes up and down all over the place. Generally speaking, the market goes up over time. This is like graph number one. Sure. Doubles in price. But the truth is over time, you're really just buying on an up market. Meaning it gets more and more expensive all the time. You are not buying low. You just keep buying higher and higher. So your money actually buys less and less over time. In the other example. Yeah, sure. It goes down and comes up. Now this might look like the last four months, right? If you go from February to now, June, now these four months, it's done almost exactly this. Like the markets now come back up to where it wasn't about late February as of right now.

Right? So people are getting really excited. They said, see, Chris dollar cost averaging works. I was able to buy it when it got down cheap. When it went down like 30%, you know, when the market went down 30, almost 35%, the low, right. So I bought on sale. So look what happened. It would have been just like the market went up, but no, I've actually bought some for cheap. That's true. But here's the thing, guys. The more likely scenario at least you're looking in the next few years is actually looking closer to graph number three, when the market keeps going down. Sure. Short term, we see this little bounce going up, but guys, just the other day they announced. They announced that the, that we're in a recession. Like it's official. We are in a recession. Why did the market go right back up to where it was?

Doesn't that seem fishy to you? Why is it that, you know, we've had massive unemployment, right? We have, so think of February. February, we just heard about corona virus being out there. Like it was starting to show up a little bit in New York state. But for the most part, it was, there was a Chinese, remember people were calling it the Chinese virus, right? And then people were saying, that's rude! You shouldn't call it Chinese. Like it's not a Chinese virus. Okay. Whatever! It was a virus that we heard, first heard about starting in China. Right? So in February, just four months ago, this was hardly even a topic. It was, it was just like news of something out there. The market was about where it is now. It was even a little bit higher than it is now barely higher. Right? But now we're in a place where there's massive unemployment. People aren't quite going back to work.

Like we had hoped. Now people are starting to go back to work, but there's a lot of people not. Or worse yet. What they didn't put an emphasis on reporting is that, wages didn't go up over the last year. Wages actually went down 0.1%. So even though people haven't been hired back, they're not getting hired back, making more money. And over time you need that to happen. Or we're in big trouble because if wages go down, that's a big issue. So if we're not seeing wages go up and in fact, even they start to go down, sure. You might have a job. If you're not making enough to make ends meet, you start cutting back everything. And that affects all the other companies too. And they all make less money as well. Again, whatever stops money from exchanging is what's happening. Now, the government's trying to artificially boost it up by throwing money at you and at companies and everything else, keep people afloat. Which, cool!

I see that short term making a difference. You know that they're trying to just like a plane that's crashing. They're trying to slow the crash down by saying, Hey, let's put a little parachute on this thing as it's coming to the ground, you know, maybe it won't crash as hard. But it doesn't stop the fact that, for the most part, these are still monies that have to be paid back that are going to cut into future profits. So all this is happening. We're actually in an official recession, but still the market's bounced right back up. This should be concerning to you. Now this could be an opportunity because this could be saying, Hey, at least I made some of these losses back. If you have money in the market, right? At least you could say there's a silver lining. But I can tell you this, is that it makes zero sense for the market to stay up or even go a lot higher than where it is now.

Now some people will say, if Trump gets reelected, maybe it will. But again, we don't know. We don't know what's going to happen. We don't know. At what point will investors say, cool. We just made a bunch of money by, they actually did do this very thing, right? They did this dollar cost averaging, but in a different way. They looked at it from a very short term perspective, getting out short term. Do you think that there are people out there both in, you know, successful investors, right? And that, and now when I talk about investors, there are people that actually buy into companies that are real investors. If you're just gambling in the markets, you're not really investor, you're just gambler, but there are very experienced gamblers out there. I know because I, I taught people to gamble in the markets. I actually taught people how to trade stocks and options at one point for several years.

Here's the thing is that I would be also be telling people like if, if profits coming back up watching for any sign to sell out right away to take out profits. Like if you're doing a swing trade, you know, when you talk about swing trading, short term, hold on to a stock framework from a few days. And they worked for two weeks, right? Not much more than a few months. You're gonna start taking your money out and cashing it out now. And then waiting for things to shift and figure out where the trend is actually going in the market. There's a lot of uncertainty going on. You don't want to be trading on news and things like that. And a lot of news is affecting what's going on in the markets. So guys, there's a lot of reason to sell out of the market right now.

In fact, everything that's talking about buying, it seems a little bit, doesn't it seem a little bit fake to you? Doesn't it seem like it goes against, our actual common sense? And yes, there'll be people out there say Chris, but here's the thing. People are turning off emotion. What they foresee in the future. They see us making this V-shape recovery. They see this and that. Sure they do. But guess what? Even the feds don't even have that optimistic of a view. Maybe, the news and the hype they're trying to use is a great way to make some profits and then take their profits and run while you're left holding the bag. As you watch your money, disappear into oblivion. Do you think that's possible? Here's the real point. Either way, you have no clue what's going on. You are just gambling with your money.

When you keep it in the market, you might try to hold on to it. But here's human nature. Human nature says even when the market is going down, just like you probably did a few months ago and the markets are going down on March. Did you bail out? A good chunk of you? Some of you did. I know cause I talked to some of you, but a good chunk of you, didn't, some of you guys wrote it. You wrote it down 35%. I'm thinking, well, it's got to pop back up. Cause that was ridiculous. Yeah, you're right. That dropped way too fast. Right? It's an unlikely for something to drop that fast and not pop back up a little bit. They even call it a dead cat bounce. You know when there's no reason, it's just because it falls too fast. Just like if it goes up too fast, it has to pop back down.

There has to be balance. Same thing you probably held on to that whole wild ride. Didn't you? If you did, you're going to do it again. I guarantee it. You're going to end up saying, well, it might come back up again. You never know, like, Ooh, that came down pretty fast, but you know, it might come back up. And that's what every person has said in every recession. They said it in Y2K and they watched their retirement money disappear. And then they had to wait for their money to come back. And then when it came back. Almost came back. Then we hit the next recession, the great recession. Right? When they're like, okay, my money's almost there. Oh, I got hit again. And it wasn't till about 2015, 2016 that you finally said great. The money I had in 2000, if you didn't contribute anything to it, right?

You just let it ride. Finally. By about 2016, you said, I got my money back. That's like over 15 years guys, that you're waiting for your money to come back. That is ridiculous. Okay. Now again, I'm not saying you'd go and sell off everything. Again, I'm not going to give you those kinds of recommendations on the air or even off the air necessarily. I just want you to be fully aware of what human nature does, which is human nature does not want to sell when things go down. Human nature wants to hold on and hope that money comes back. Cause they'll, cause you'll always say the lie. You'll still lie to yourself saying, well, I don't lose money until I sell. That's true. And yet that's the very deception that keeps people losing money. Secondly, you think you're buying cheap when you buy it when it goes down. The truth is you don't. Because the best thing you could have done in this example here, right?

Is not keep buying when it goes down. If you actually knew it was, you knew what you're doing in the market, you would wait until it hit $1 a share, Hey, maybe it was even $3 a share. Let's just use that example. Let's just say that you save it for money for three, four months, right? That $200 month, you did not put in the market. But then you said I have 800 bucks now over four months, I'm going to buy a $1 a share. That's the a hundred shares. Even if you didn't do anything else and you just did that. And then maybe you bought the next month. He was like, woo. All right. It's awesome. So you bought no 200 shares. Now you're at a thousand. And then you pocket it 200 bucks. You just left it there. He said, Oh, it's coming back up.

Maybe I'll buy. But maybe I won't. Well, let's just say you did buy. Let's just say you did $4. You bought 50 more shares. That's 1,050 shares. Times four bucks. You're now at $4,200. More than double the little bounce. If you just followed it. Or get really just yeah. More than. Yup! Double. Double of what you would have done. If you just kept buying all the way down. Guys, buy low, sell high. That means you don't buy when it's tanking. You wait until after it's tanked. And everybody says the market's bad. That's when maybe if you're looking to buy in the market, that could be the time. Understand that opportunity happens. When usually people say don't buy this. This is a bad idea. That's usually the best time to buy. When everybody's saying, Hey, stay in the market. It's the best time to be in it.

That's usually the time not to be in it. You know, now there's, there's definitely voices saying, Hey, we don't know what's going on. Here's why the market's going up. Because again, they already factored in everything that's going on right now. They expected this. That's the point guys based on expectations. That means whenever there's weird, crazy news that comes out. There's no, almost no time to react. That's when they're going to buy or sell. So if there's news, that's unexpected, right? Then people buy in the market goes up. When there's news, unexpected, that's bad. Like not just good news, unexpected, but bad news unexpected. Then it goes down. We don't know what the heck is going to happen. This is the thing you are gambling. You have no clue. This is why every financial advisor, and I was taught to say this as a traditional financial advisor was, do you not buy anything?

Right? Like don't, don't try to time the market don't do any of that stuff. Just keep putting money in the market. Blindly. Just keep doing it on a regular basis. Cause you don't have the time, the training or the temperament to understand it. So just keep pulling the money in trust us as advisors, trust us that we'll guide you along the way. Guys. This is how you lose money. This is why middle America is still broke. If you want to be like everybody else and say, man, I haven't really made as much as I had thought I would in the market. And you probably have already been saying this for years. You want to keep doing that? What's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Guys. I hope you understand that dollar cost averaging. Hell has a half-truth and those are the biggest lies.

The truth is buy low, sell high. The lie is that you should be buying all the time. And remember the market goes up over time anyways. Why would we keep buying what's more expensive? Why don't we want to wait? So like you're deep into a recession before you buy anything? Save up your money, then buy. If you're going to do that philosophy. If you're to trust actually what advisors have been saying. Buy at the bottom. Or buy near the bottom, when everybody's been selling out like crazy. Then maybe, and that's usually takes by the way, at least a year or two before it hits bottom. That's usually the case. It's usually takes at least a few years for you hit bottom. Just like I said, a few months ago, don't think we've hit bottom. Don't think that little dip of 35% was bottom. That was just a test.

The test is, did you win or fail? Did you hang on rationalizing? If you did and you failed. You failed the test cause you will do it again. It will be more costly the second time around. So guys, I hope this is enlightening for you. I hope this opens your eyes and gets you that at least ponder and think about what you're actually doing because there are many, many better ways to be able to create money and create better passive income than just gambling and something that really no one knows what's going to happen. No one knows how it's going to happen. What it's going to look like a wind is going to be. If we had a crystal ball, Awesome! But guess what guys, this is not back to the future. You do not have morning Mcflys, a little book that he bought in the future to be able to gamble and make money. You didn't have that guys. You have day to day. Are you going to gamble your wealth even to the point of possibly losing it all? Or are you going to actually go for something that's certain that's been proven for years and years? That is my challenge to you guys. Again, if you have questions, shoot me an email, Chris@MoneyRipples.com. I hope we make it a wonderful and prosperous week. And we'll see you later.

[holidaywishes]

Welcome to the first episode of “I’m too poor to go to therapy so I guess I’ll tell the internet!”

Let’s be real... I’ve done this quite a few times on here in different ways but I’m making into an actual thing. I figure, a) my life is/can be a lot and sometimes I need to talk about it but, as the title suggests, I’m too poor to talk to a therapist, and b) my family has no idea this site exists so I can air my grievances without worrying they’ll find it.

First things first: this post is being written on my phone because my mom is in the next room and typing on my laptop is too loud. So, excuse me if things don’t come across as eloquently or whatever.

Second thing: these little posts/episodes/chapters, whatever you want to call them will be the most insight you’ll ever get into my life. I try to stay away from personal stuff on here in case I run into someone I know but I haven’t had any instances of that happening so I thought to myself “I’m not so unique that if I tell people these things about me, they’ll know exactly who I am.” So this is what you get, personal details but no first or last name and no selfie until I’ve probably started a podcast (which will likely only happen when I’ve moved out of this place.)

Third and I think last: I’m not looking for sympathy. If you wanna come at me and tell me that people have it worse and that I shouldn’t be complaining, go for it. I can’t stop you. You’re probably right and I recognize that I’m lucky to have a home and a family that, most of the time, is pretty caring and loving where a lot of people have crappy home lives. All I’m doing here, or hoping to do I guess, is keep my sanity slightly in tact. I’m exhausted trying to hold it together for everyone in case my breaking down or expressing something honestly makes things worse. Walking on eggshells in your own home is exhausting. So, again, I’m not looking for you to say “oh I’m so sorry you’re going through this,” or “I can’t believe this! You’re parents suck!” I just wanted a place where I could come and rant and that’s it.

So, here’s some background: I grew in Calgary, Alberta, the youngest of four kids and the only daughter. My mom is a Nurse and my dad works as a Driver Supervisor. My oldest brother was diagnosed with leukaemia when he was 3 and my dad was stationed in Germany while he was in the army. He had gone through a lot of invasive chemotherapy in Germany and it seems to have affected his cognitive abilities. My brother, we’ll call him Aaron, relapsed when he was 8 at which point the doctors asked my parents if they could test my bone marrow to see if it was a match. I had just been born (I don’t know the exact time frame of when this would’ve been but my brother and I are 8 years and 19 days apart so I was still a baby at this time,) and neither of my brothers were a match so the doctors said that they needed to check mine, turns out I also wasn’t a match. After this, Aaron was in and out of the hospital both in Calgary and in Spokane and my mom went with him for most of those visits while my dad was at work, which meant that my brothers and I spent a lot of time with aunts and uncles and cousins. My second oldest brother, let’s call him Brady, had to grow up quite fast — becoming a defector babysitter and pseudo chauffeur (but on a bicycle, it was quite the scene) — while me and my other brother, we’ll call him Charlie, more or less went on with our childhood. There was a lot of pressure on Brady because Aaron effectively became the most dependent than the rest of us, i.e. he was the youngest even though he was the oldest, and I think Charlie really looked up to Brady because of how “cool” he seemed to be. Brady was good at everything. Still is. He plays nearly every sport and is good at them all, he’s a pretty handsome guy, which I only know because every single one of my friends had a huge crush on him, and he’s smart as a whip. He’s also incredibly compassionate. So, it’s easy to see why Charlie looked up to him. It’s also easy to see why, when he couldn’t “measure up” he acted out. We all became the typical stereotypes of siblings: Aaron was the oldest but he was the favourite by default, Brady was the star child, the champion, Charlie was the screw up and the preverbial “middle child” and I was the girl. It came with its challenges — I had to be cute and girly and loving and soft and playful but I had to be more careful when it came to playing outside and I had to understand my “limits” when it came to “certain things,” which really just meant if I were to play with the boys in the neighbourhood, I had to know when to stop. As we got older, the roles shifted slightly. Brady became the favourite, Aaron became the best boy, Charlie stayed the middle brother but he seemed to pass the “screw up” title to me. Aaron and I, once upon a time, had a good brothe-sister relationship. We laughed, we played, we hugged, all the stuff, but somewhere along the way it changed. I can’t say exactly what made it change — maybe it was the fact that in nearly 5 years, I hadn’t spent a lot of time with my mom or that I spent more time at my cousins place than at my own home — but whatever it was, turned pretty dark. We were constantly arguing, I would get in trouble for provoking him but he wouldn’t get in trouble for chasing me around the house with a knife, until eventually we just ignored each other completely. Fast forward to 10 years ago, I graduate high school, Charlie had just moved in with Brady, who had moved out a few years before, leaving me alone with my parents and Aaron, who was constantly upset that he couldn’t move out the way his brothers had. He wanted to be normal but he couldn’t understand why he wasn’t. It was rough but so was our relationship and, as much as I tried, I couldn’t get over a lot of the crap that went on in our childhood. I felt bad for him and the challenges he had but he wasn’t trying to learn how to do anything on his own and it became clear to me that he wouldn’t.

Fast forward four years, I lose my hostess job and start University but have to take out student loans, knowing I’d end up being $100,000 in debt when I graduated. It’s going well, I get a chance to study abroad for six months and I take it because why the hell wouldn’t I? Little did I know that before I left, my mom was going through some pretty serious stuff at work; to a point where her new boss was making it impossible for her to feel confident in her work. She had been at this hospital for 30+ years and loved her job but now she was depressed and anxious all the time. So, there I am in Vienna for only about a month or so when my mom calls me to check in and she pretty much falls apart. It gets worse from there and she has to go on anti-depressants. More happens in between all of this, but that’s a story for a different day. More and more, her and my dad are fighting and I’m more and more put in the middle of them, effectively putting me in a constant state of undiagnosed anxiety.

For now, that’s where I’ll leave it: just because I have some other things to attend to 🙄 but I will be back with another post later on...

[go-events]

GO Rom Com Spotlight: @micky-r-c

The compelling @micky-r-c (also MickyRC on AO3) has claimed The Princess Bride to adapt for Good Omens in the Good Omens Rom Com Event.

For reference, here’s a little background about the source material!

About The Princess Bride: A kindly grandfather sits down with his ill grandson and reads him a story. The story is one that has been passed down from father to son for generations. As the grandfather reads the story, the action comes alive. The story is a classic tale of love and adventure as the beautiful Buttercup, engaged to the odious Prince Humperdinck, is kidnapped and held against her will in order to start a war, It is up to Westley (her childhood beau, now returned as the Dread Pirate Roberts) to save her. On the way he meets a thief and his hired helpers, an accomplished swordsman and a huge, super strong giant, both of whom become Westley's companions in his quest.

We spent some time chatting about how the adaptation is coming so far, as well as future plans for it! Now, get to know @micky-r-c a little better!

* * *

goromcom: You know how if you open a Tumblr chat with someone you haven't chatted to before, Tumblr tells you two things they post about? I wanted to tell you that yours reports that you post "about #good omens fanart and #holiday fic". Do especially enjoy holiday-themed fics?

micky-r-c: Wow, no I would not have expected that. I mean I love a good huddling for warmth or holiday decorating fic, but I don't go out of my way for them.  But I did get really settled into writing Good Omens fic right around the end of November, and I thought, for some reason, that it would be a good idea to do not one, but two advent calendar series.  Didn't finish either of them, but there was a solid two weeks in there where I had two posts a day tagged holiday fic, so I guess that's where that came from.

goromcom: Hey, anything that gets the creativity moving, right? So it’s great that the advent projects inspired you to put out that much content! But let’s look forward to some new content: your rom com! You chose to adapt The Princess Bride. Has this movie been a favorite of yours, or is there some other reason you chose it? 

micky-r-c: Full disclosure here, I'm not a big romcom watcher.  Romcom fic reader, absolutely, but I didn't know most of the movies on the list.  So when I saw Princess Bride on there it was kind of a combination of "Oh!  I know one!" and "Gasp, I could write a sword fight." And now here we are.

goromcom: What's your favorite moment of the movie, and are you looking forward to presenting it in your adaptation? Any loose plans for that scene that you can share?

micky-r-c: There most definitely is.  I bounced between a few concepts for this adaptation, but the scene right at the beginning of Princess Bride when Buttercup realizes the meaning of "as you wish" has me by the heartstrings, and I am very excited to write my Good Omens version (spoiler alert: it happens in 1967).

goromcom: 1967 is such a gift for the GO fandom, how amazing of Neil to give that to us as new content for the mini-series. :) Other than adapting the “as you wish” realization, do you plan to stick very closely to the beats of the original story, or make bigger changes?

micky-r-c: Yeah, pretty close.  I'm not doing an AU, so in weaving the two plots together I'm trying really hard not to lose too much of The Princess Bride, especially since it's such a classic.  I want it to have that specific silly-yet-heartfelt feeling the movie has, which, to be fair, Good Omens lines up with pretty nicely.

goromcom: This movie definitely has a unique feel to it, and I can absolutely see not wanting to poke an alchemy like that too strongly! Given your resolution to preserve that silly/heartfelt tone of the movie, I’m sure you’ve had to make a lot of careful decisions thus far. Perhaps there’s a particularly interesting decision you've made in your planning so far--a notable casting decision, a changing of venue, that you can share with us?

micky-r-c: So I've actually changed the timeline maybe... 6 times so far?  Yeah. It's been everywhere.  But I finally landed on just overlapping with canon in the immediate lead up to the apocadon't, which I'm super happy with.  It means I can have some serious fun with how things could have gone differently.  Plus, I'll be honest, I am very excited to write the Princess Bride version of the wall slam. That one's gonna be A Lot.

goromcom: You can’t see me, but I’m gleefully rubbing my hands together thinking about it. However, I feel like we’re verging on giving too much away, so let’s move on to the wrap-up. I am blatantly stealing this last question from The Good Place: The Podcast, but here goes: Tell me something "good". It can be something big or small. It can be a charity you think is doing good work, or you can talk about how great your pet is.

micky-r-c: Ya know, every time I've seen a spotlight I've thought to myself, wow, I should really start thinking about my answer to that.  Plot twist, I forgot to.  But anyway, one thing that's been really unbelievably good for me recently has been the community I've found through Good Omens.  I've been hanging around the edges of fandom for years, but within maybe a month of posting my first Good Omens fic I was talking to people, getting to beta read things, working up the nerve to leave long rambly comments on ao3... all the stuff I'd always wanted to be doing but never had the community support to build on.  So that's been a literal dream come true, and things like this event have all been a big part of it, so thank you for running it and giving us all this wonderful gift!!!

goromcom: Aww, well, I agree about the GO fandom being amazing. It’s been so much fun so far and I hope we keep on with it for a long time to come. :)

And while we’re all basking in the amazingness that is the Good Omens fandom, don’t forget to keep an eye out for the GO adaptation of The Princess Bride, coming soon!

[darling-dontforgetme]

the whole list

I’m sorry that I took so long, and I’m so boring, but here you go!

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

 Coffee mugs

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Chocolate bars

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Eww, no to both.

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

My mom worked at my elementary school, so I was very much a teacher’s pet.

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

Plastic cups

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Pastel or boho

7. earbuds or headphones?

Earbuds

8. movies or tv shows?

I really want to say tv shows, but I’m awful at finishing them. I still need to watch the last few episodes of Apocalypse. Don’t at me. 

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Is it weird if I say my cats? It’s weird, I know. They all have different smells, and it’s comforting to be around them when I’m stressed or upset.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

Nothing, literally nothing. I was that kid who always had their nose in a book, so you can imagine how awkward I was in p.e.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

A peanut butter and jelly sandwich or pancakes

12. name of your favorite playlist?

The only playlist I listen to is my own. I listen to a lot of country, some musicals, and a handful of older songs.

13. lanyard or key ring?

Lanyard

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Gummy bears

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

The Handmaid’s Tale

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Why sit when you can lay down? I usually sit with my legs crossed.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

My work pair of tennis shoes

18. ideal weather?

WINTER. All the cold.

19. sleeping position?

On my stomach

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Laptop

21. obsession from childhood?

Books. I read so many books as a kid.

22. role model?

I don’t know. My therapist is pretty cool. Sarah Paulson maybe?

23. strange habits?

I eat soup with a fork. I have to put on my right sock and shoe before I can put on the left. I eat pop tarts upside down.

24. favorite crystal?

I don’t know. Rhodochrosites and amethysts are pretty.

25. first song you remember hearing?

Queen of the Silver Dollar

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Stay inside, lol. I play a lot of animal crossing, try to write sometimes. Read.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Also, stay inside- still playing animal crossing and writing or reading.

28. five songs to describe you?

I honestly have no idea. 

29. best way to bond with you?

Just hang out and talk with me. I like to stay home, or go on simple dates. I love, love, love aquariums.

30. places that you find sacred?

Churches, cemeteries

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

I’m not very confident in myself, so I tend to stick with t-shirts and shorts or leggings.

32. top five favorite vines?

I do not watch vine.

33. most used phrase in your phone?

Sorry or what’s for dinner

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

Those lawyer commercials that come on all of the time

35. average time you fall asleep?

Between 11:30 and 2:30

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

Probably something with SpongeBob

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

Duffel bag

38. lemonade or tea?

Tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Hear me out, what about no lemon?

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

These kids started a metal band, and our administrators thought the student body loved it, so they got to perform a lot.

41. last person you texted?

@grilledcheeseandguavajelly

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

Pants pockets

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

Hoodie

44. favorite scent for soap?

Some sort of berry

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Shorts and a t-shirt (wasn’t kidding when I said I only wear shorts and a t-shirt)

47. favorite type of cheese?

American

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

@grilledcheeseandguavajelly says "something unique but sweet but with a lot of depth to it, so like a kiwi or a honeydew or a prickly pear.”

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

Do no harm, but take no shit

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

Probably something my sister has said or done

51. current stresses?

So much. I lost my job recently, and there's just a lot going on in my life right now.

52. favorite font?

Can I pick people’s handwriting as my favorite font? I know it’s dumb.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

Well, I should use more lotion

54. what did you learn from your first job?

That the whole world is going to expect you to know things without you actually ever being taught those things

55. favorite fairy tale?

The Little Mermaid?

56. favorite tradition?

Getting cake for birthdays because I love cake

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Me, myself, and I

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

Writing, caring for others. I don’t know.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

Don’t fuck up

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

I don’t really have any anime knowledge

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

“You want to tell her that there are between two hundred and four hundred billion stars in the Milky Way, but when you look up, you could only ever see, like, twenty five hundred of them. You are one of the ones that no one can see. She is one of the ones that’s even visible in the city.”

-The Moment by T.C. Anderson

Guys, this is my favorite book. I highly recommend checking it out.

62. seven characters you relate to?

Alice Macray, Maura Isles, Temperance Brennan, Regina Mills, Callie Torres, Olivia Benson, Rachel Stevens

63. five songs that would play in your club?

She’s a Rainbow, Free To Be You and Me, Defying Gravity, Goodbye Earl, Queen of the Silver Dollar.  My club would not be very cool.

64. favorite website from your childhood?

Webkinz

65. any permanent scars?

I cut the side of my thumb off with a pair of scissors once.

66. favorite flower(s)?

Zinnias, Passion flowers, sunflowers

67. good luck charms?

I don’t know that I have any?

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

GRAPE

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

I am so bad at thinking up answers on the spot. I’m sorry I suck at this.

70. left or right handed?

Right handed

71. least favorite pattern?

Any sort of animal pattern

72. worst subject?

Science

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

Peanut butter and chocolate on ritz crackers

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

Depends on the type of pain. Headaches- I usually take it pretty soon, but for other things, I tend to wait.

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I would assume kindergarten or first grade?

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

fries

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Flowers

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

Neither

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

I no longer have a school ID, but that definitely looked better

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Earth tones

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

Fireflies sounds so much better, but I say lightning bugs

82. pc or console?

Console

83. writing or drawing?

Writing

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Fairy tales

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cupcakes

87. your greatest fear?

I’m going to be single and alone for my entire life 

88. your greatest wish?

To fall in love

89. who would you put before everyone else?

My sister

90. luckiest mistake?

I don’t know

91. boxes or bags?

Boxes

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Fairy lights

93. nicknames?

Kat, Kate, Backpack

94. favorite season?

Winter

95. favorite app on your phone?

Tumblr

96. desktop background?

It’s a sunflower drawing

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

Maybe 15-20?

98. favorite historical era?

I don’t know

[chainofbeing]

Adam witnesses the destruction that can be brought on by the Anthronesians, and sees the all too familiar horror that festers in Mights mind.

Veatorian woman: Emmy Coates

Hass man: David M. Sledge

Might-Upon-Serenity: Frances Gillard

Ovig Nadal: Glyn Pritchard

Sound design, Writing, and, Adam Delta 5: Cai Gwilym Pritchard

email us at chainofbeingofficial@gmail.com

follow the podcast on twitter

Subscribe to the patreon for exclusive content and rewards!

And check out The Green Horizon, found wherever good podcasts are. You're smart, you'll figure it out

[the sound of a relatively busy town, music playing people talking, Vestak-cry at its busiest]

I stare down at Might, she’s not moving but her pain permeates the air, distress, anguish and fear, through something troubles her even beyond her wounds. The metal shell has grown back now and her organic interior is healing relatively well. “Is there anything I can do to help?,” I say to a Veatorian woman outside of the healers yurt, she looks me up and down “Can you use that?” She gestures to the spear at my side “somewhat,” I reply “go out and hunt,” she points toward the mesa “head that way for 4  hours and then head toward the minor sun, you’ll reach some rich hunting grounds, food is scarce we need something to give these bandits,” the proposition of just giving up upsets me, I’d seen this happen many times before, Forus Minor was the most recent, having spent a bit of time there I began to recognise the kind of person it took to coerce and steal in this way, “I’ll find a way to stop them, I promise,” she looks at me as if I’d promised to destroy the moon or reverse time “with the weapons they have? We can't all be immortal,”

[the sounds of swamp wilderness, insects and frogs making noise Adam trudging along]

I grab some water and a long piece of cloth to wrap around my head to keep cool and start walking, leaving my coat behind. My ribs ache as I walk and so I begin to consider the weapon that the masked woman carried to distract myself. A laser rifle, an actual fucking laser rifle. Like something out of an old sci-fi story. The idea seemed so fantastical to me, like hover cars or pills that you take instead of eating, I mean sure, On a big enough supercruiser or an OLCoSat, but research into handheld energy weapons had been discarded hundreds of years ago. And yet I watched my friend get hit with one. I’ve been walking toward the mesa in the far distance for an hour or so when I come across another town, this one far more built up than Vestak-cry,

[the town creaks and sways, old wood and metal settling, flies buzz and a light wind blows]

The tallest building is around 3 stories high, its wide and round and built out of the engine of a mega-hauler or something of a similar size, I don't recognise the make. It casts a shadow on the rest of the village, with a roof of plastic sheeting pulled taught across and fastened to several bars which are run through it. The rest of the town surrounds this centrepiece, densely packed due to the trench that defines the border of the town. There must be about 150 separate settlements all huddled around the tall central building. I circle round to the entrance, the large metal gates lie open as I walk over the makeshift bridge the smell of rot and decay becomes suddenly very intense, I look over into the ditch and see that there are several bodies lying at the bottom, many with gunshot wounds in the back of the head or with large singed portions of their body missing. In the town the walls of all the buildings are marked with large gashes and bullet holes, every so often a blackened streak will appear or a hole through several buildings lets the wind whistle through it. More bodies litter the town, the killing blows less methodical as some of them clutch lengths of iron rebar or other makeshift weapons grabbed in a moment of panic. Silence is relative, you may think where you are is quiet, but if you listen closely enough there will always be the sound of a vehicle or the wind blowing lightly, in concert halls after a powerful song ends the space is deathly quiet, even as the last waves created by the instruments reverberate in the room. The same is with the town, there is no silence, the wind blows and buildings settle, yet next to what must have been a loud and bustling organism made up of hundreds of people who all knew each other's names and lives, all with individual stories that converge on this one point, it might as well be a burial chamber, forgotten and lost. The Hollowed out engine is a market , from what I can gather, all along the circumference and in the core of it stalls are strewn about, small, yet useless, trinkets with the more valuable items stolen. On the front entrance to the market there is a Tra’ha’dowl, strung up from the iron bars which keep the plastic roof in place, it can only be a few weeks since he was killed, his small black eyes are sunken and faded with decay and his small many toothed maw hangs open, his rubbery pale skin hugs tightly to his skeleton as the flesh rots. Hung from his neck is a black banner with the white insignia of a six spoked wheel run through with a sword. Beneath this the words “Unto Humanity Only” are inscribed in an ancient human language, not spoken since the old days of humanity, before the council. I leave the town and begin a long arc back to vestak-cry hoping to cover as much ground as possible in the hopes of not returning empty handed. And so I once more march in the wilderness.      

There's a large pool of water just ahead of me, some creature drinking from it causes ripples to emanate from its long toothy snout. It is hunched down on six legs and its long flowing feathers ripple in the light breeze, I extend my spear and it raises its head reflexively, a pair of ears shoot into the air and it tenses up, it goes to run but it stops, something slowly snakes up its legs and at first I think it's some kind of eel from the water or a serpent of some kind, but then I realise that the vines are pulling the creature into the water it calls out, thrashing in futile desperation. The tips of the vines pierce its skin and it falls still, its large black eyes lose their deep colour and go hazy and it allows itself to be pulled to the bottom of the pond. Completely astounded and with my spear pointed downwards in front of me I cautiously approach the edge of the pond, the water still ripples and I peer down into its depths, I can't see the bottom either due to its murkiness or its depth I can’t tell. A moan calls behind me and I spin around, spear raised, a smaller but much angrier looking version of the beast I watched get devoured is hunched down, it has less hair then the other and it is armed with a large set of chipped horns and long curved teeth. It charges and I stumble to the side narrowly avoiding getting run through. It gracefully turns around and goes for another charge and I thrust the spear at its eye, missing and instead adding another nick to its horns. On its third charge I drop to the ground and brace the end of my spear into the ground as it gores itself with the force of its own charge, I push up and forward against its ribs to keep it away from the edge of the water from which more vines smoothly snake outwards, and it stumbles away. I twist the ring on the pole and it electrifies, the beast cries out and its muscles tense up, while it’s still stunned I pull out the blade and drive it up through its jaw and into the skull, it collapses, and the vines begin to withdraw.

[the sound of Vestak cry, no music but people still talk and move about] Back at Vestak-Cry I drag my blood soaked cloth filled with the chopped up creature to the centre of town, I leave it next to a plastic barrel filled with fresh water and a large bushel of herbs, a meagre offering from a town of people whose value comes from the intellectual realm rather then the physical. Might is still unconscious when I go to check on her, two attendees surround her, sitting and staring into space, waiting for an improvement. “Surely she should be better by now?” I say impatiently to the Dŵrian closest to me, he blinks twice, one lid covering the whole bulging eye from the bottom and then opening again. “they don't talk, vow of silence,” a large hass sits in a rocking chair and is sprinkling some substance into their liquid filled breathing apparatus. “That’s a good thing if you ask me, Dŵrians have a natural sense of superiority. just because they are amphibious, it’s obnoxious.” “Well?” I ask, my attention shifting to the aquatic humanoid “She’s taking her time, that weapon the human carried really did a number on her, that ain't no usual firearm, seemed magical,” He looks me up and down “you’re probably fixin’ for an explanation huh?” I nod  “suppose I can try and provide some illumination. People like us come here to be isolated. This is just a small fragment of who lives here. Most came here by accident ‘cept us that us that is. This planet is uniquely situated so that don’t appear on any maps and cannot be discovered by conventional means,” “How is that possible?” he shrugs, “ maybe the mineral makeup of the planet? Perhaps some ancient artefact buried deep within some hidden temple just waiting for you to go get it,” he says sarcastically and then laughs, “we could spend hours speculating. But the point is that ‘cause of this... phenomenon there are lots of people on this rock who would rather not be, people who had no good reason for being out this far away from hubs of the galaxy if you catch my drift.” Anyone trying to keep out of council monitored widening field routes by using backway lanes and jump points mixed with a planet that doesn't show up on scanners gets you a bunch of unsavoury types on the same planet as other vulnerable and lost people which is never good. He points up at one of the mesas far in the distance, the green mess of the vines gradually becoming more sparse, presumably as whatever gas the plant breathes becomes less abundant. “The group that human is a part of are set up on that plateau there, they came here about 4 months ago, they’ve already set up base out of the ship they came here on, They’re not here on accident, they don't wanna be found. When they got here we thought nothing of it. But then they started expanding outwards. The nearest village, sapiran… well, humans aren't exactly known for their peaceful nature, no offence,” “None taken,” I say, my eyes fixed on might, “and the vines?” I ask “What about them?” he says, surprised at my asking “They cover every square inch of the ground, everywhere I go it grows incredibly densely and it doesn't behave like a plant should, aren't there any vitamancers here? Surely they‘d know something about it?” “The only vitamancy that gets here is by our amphibious friend here,” he points at the Dŵrian who looks absently at the horizon, “hey Bedyw,” the Dŵrian doesn't flinch. The Hass man picks up a chunk of whatever substance he was filtering into his breathing apparatus and flicks it at the Dŵrian who starts and looks at the Hass with visible confusion on their scaled face “you’ve got a vow of silence not a vow of not listening! The vines!”  Bedyw shrugs what do you expect me to do? “I dunno, mime it or something,” They raise their hands and scrunch up their face at the ridiculousness of the idea but go to try and explain anyway. they look me in the eyes and put their hand on the ground tugging at the vines, then they motion the shape of a sphere “the vines cover the whole planet?” they give me a thumbs up. They hold up a single claw and then put their fingers to their temples and draw them away, splaying out their hands and widening their eyes as they do so. “One… dream? One explosion?” they turn to the Hass man and gestures hey I tried.

 “Well that was unhelpful and confusing,” Bedyw does another gesture that I don't recognise but assume is some expletive. “If you don't mind me askin’” the Hass man says taking a deep breath from his breathing tube which sits on around his neck, “what's the deal with you two? Me and Bedyw reckon you're ex-lovers or something” “No it's not like that,” I say “Well what is it like?” I pause, nothing quite describes it really, no one else in the whole universe has been through what we had been through and had lived in the way we had. “It’s more like…we’re siblings, sort of,” “I've got plenty of siblings, some 400, but mama always said I was the special one. how’d you become acquainted then?” “It’s a long story,” “I’ve got time,” “No, it starts at the beginning of life itself in the universe so you really don’t,” “Fair enough,” he grumbles “Sorry, but aren't you more worried about the Anthronesians? Not how I met Might?” “Everything is as it was ever going to be,” The Dŵrian rolls their eyes “Aren't you more worried about what's up with Might?” he asks “I mean sure, but I just have to be patient, she’ll heal in time,” “Not her wounds kid,” he says but then realises how ridiculous he looks calling someone hundreds of thousands of years old ‘kid’ “Can you not see it?” “Oh. right.” “Somethings eatin’ at her, she ain’t been right for the past few weeks. We can all see it, surprised you can’t” “It’s been such a long time since I’ve seen her I just assumed this is how she is now I- I don't know,” Might begins to stir, a deep black sphere appears above her forehead and the air around her starts to shiver, “See?” I say moving over to her “if she’s still having visions, it can't be that bad,” “This ain’t like usual, somethings wrong,” A thin line of black emerges from her eyes like tears streaming upwards into the air and they make contact with the sphere of light hovering above her. The world suddenly turns black and I feel myself brought into her mind.

[the vision realm is harmonious, slightly musical almost, but also tortured and disturbing]

I’m in a small cave, the walls are made of dark strings which splay outwards, through the thick tangle I see the shape of some huge creature move around and snake up and over my head settling behind might who stands at the other end, the tangle of thin lines emanating from behind her, she stands with her hands out,  strings wrapped and tangled between her fingers. “Adam,” she says, her voice travelling along the threads , “We have little time. Eden, you need to get there first, to the start of it all,” A dark shadow appears behind her but neither of us react, as if we had known of its presence long before it arrived. “To leave this place” she pulls down a thread, plucks it and watches the vibrations travel away from her “You must go to the Anthronesians, they have a dissimulation field, they’re hiding something, uncover it” she points and I know where she means, on top of the mesa. The shadow places a pale hand on her shoulder and the lights in her body around where he grips her change into a polychromatic haze, glowing brightly, “after that you don't need to worry, your path will become clear,” “Yeah sure I’ll be totally calm,” she gestures the equivalent of a melancholy smile with her hands, a depth to her feeling lost on me, due to my limited perception of the light spectrum. The shadow grows larger. “If this doesn't work,, will you visit the others? I’m sure they’d like to see you. Well, most of them anyway,” “If what doesn't work?” The haze of rapidly shifting light completely engulfs her body and she draws her sword, pulling the threads wrapped around her fingers down, untangling many of the knots that provide the ceiling and walls with structure. She spins and swings the blade in an upward motion cutting up the shadows chest and severing a few threads in the process. An angry mist of polychrome energy bursts from the wound singing more and severing them. The shadow hatefully grabs might by the mask and throws her to the ground, unfazed she jabs the sword into his forearm and pulls it back toward her. The shadow recoils in shock and might rolls back onto her feet. The darkness around the shadow dissipates and for the first time I see Ovig Nadal in his true intolerable and impossible form,

From his eyeless head which hangs on a long stooped neck a white set of horns wriggle and writhe violently like maggots, and Impossibly and most distressing they are simultaneously still. Two sets of wings protrude out from his back, long and bowed. The edges of his body shiver and shudder, as he moves 7 echoes of his motions follow like ghosts each in a different colour of the light spectrum. His wide and smiling jaw hangs open as he pants, polychrome gas rising from his gullet with each deep breath. This same gas drips in liquid form from his fresh wound. Surrounded by an ashy substance which is the same pallid colour as his skin, His presence emanates outwards, in defiance of the universe and he holds out his slender, clawed hand as if presenting the damage to us. His form refuses to hold a consistent shape, undoubtedly might be witnessing a separate horror however, despite the shifting form, my eyes sting with tears nonetheless.

[The sound of the vision realm is filled with the words that Ovig Nadal is about to speak, mere glimpses hard to discern fully until he says them]

The image of this edgeless horror is known to me; it has festered in the back of my mind since Eden, as it is in all of humanity, all generations proceeding from me are instilled with a fear of him, the impact of my actions seared his image deep into the collective unconscious. “I seek only to free you, you blinded children, you thankless and scornful hordes,” as he speaks the matter which he appears to be made of begins to flake and an ashy substance fills the air. “You are an alien in this universe,” might says, “and in this of all realms you have even less grasp of your place, you are more of concept than of being, but even ideas can be laid to rest and quelled, I banish you, you who would seek to revoke and undo, my mind will not be a battleground for you. So fuck off.” The last of the ash dissipates and the black threads fade to blue and then into nothing, we now stand in a large empty space in which there is the true nothing "That's better," she says and I awaken to the sight of the Dŵrian and the Hass standing over me "You okay kid?" The Hass asks me "Yeah I'm good," "What was that all about?" "Vision realm, extra-dimensional creature had possessed might but it's fine now" The two look at each other and then back to me "Fair enough," might rouses from her sleep as I am pulled to me feet Not one to waste time she speaks before I can "that was weird huh?" "What was that move all about?" "I don't know I just suddenly felt that was was I was meant to do, it felt so right," “So he’s why your visions were different then?” “I guess so, but I’m not sure why he didn't just possess me outright? Its like something was keeping him from completely taking over,” “I didn't think anything could stop his will,” she turns to me, serious now "if you want to deactivate the dissimulation field you're going to have to go now," "No goodbyes?" "We'll see each other again, I'm sure,” "Do you know that or are you just being sentimental," “we’re immortal, the odds are that eventually we’ll run into each other" She roots through one of her pockets "Take this, for your little bag of tricks," She holds out a small bronze sphere, covered in seams and edges "Is this-?" I ask "Yeah," she answers "Holy shit, this is so rare! I don't know if I’ll feel right using it," "Farewell, Adam" "Farewell might-upon-serenity," We refrain from using each other's curse names. I turn and head in the direction of the Mesa, with a simple mission in mind and a trust that my friend will guide me well.

[deltaengineering]

Winter Anime 2019 Part 3: High on Concept

If you wait long enough, you’ll find something good to say.

Doukyonin wa Hiza, Tokidoki, Atama no Ue / My Roommate is a Cat

What: Misanthropic mystery author picks up tough stray cat, both get healed.

✅ The cat acts like a cat, the misanthrope acts like a misanthrope.

✅ The approach of telling the same simple story from the perspective of two characters that can’t really communicate effectively is interesting.

✅ This is very basic, but it works. I like both characters, and it's generally inoffensive. Pretty much Barakamon with less of a focus on telling you exactly what to feel. Might watch more of this.

❌ I see we’re now at the point where shows get localized titles that sound like lazy translations of bland Japanese names even when the Japanese title is not that bland to begin with. Lovely.

Dimension High School

What: A bunch of kids press XXX and YYY and are sucked. Wooow.

✅✅ The wraparound segments look extremely realistic. If there was more lensflares and shots of feet I’d almost say someone has finally beaten KyoAni in making anime look like a cheap, egregiously overacted J-Drama.

❌❌ Sadly, the puzzle dimension they end up in just looks like homemade MMD animation, because it is. I mean, at least it’s mocapped, but apparently with a Kinect.

❌❌ E.g., they make jokes about clipping and they kinda have to because everything clips into everything else all the time.

❌❌ Did I mention that all they actually do is solve lame puzzles and fail to be funny about it? It’s really getting to the levels of the dreaded “barely animated voice actor improv podcast” at these points.

♎ Suwabe’s in it, and that’s never an outright bad thing. He’s voicing the quizmaster, in the process proving he’d do anything for a paycheck. I wonder if he has a fiverr acocunt.

Domestic na Kanojo

What: Highschooler loses virginity to one night stand, finds out that it was the sister of the teacher he has a crush on. Incidentally, the mother of both also just married his father. Zany!

✅ This is presented like a low-key, slow drama, and it’s not even bad at that. Some good directing going on here, at least in the beginning.

❌❌ Really just too bad that it’s impossible to take seriously with a setup as contrived as this, not to mention taking it as seriously as it apparently wants to be taken. It’s also not exactly original.

❌ I’m not gonna say that sketchy relationships can’t work (it worked fine for KoiAme, for example), but embedding your suddenly also incestuous pupil-teacher affair in the setting of a harem comedy, complete with other sister walking in on attempted drunk blackout kiss, is not giving me confidence that this has the chops to pull it off.

❌❌ The show this reminds me the most of is Love and Lies, and that’s a real bad calling card to have.

Girly Air Force

What: Girl-shaped fighter jets fall in love with a dude.

❌❌ It’s just another military-hardware-is-cute-girls-actually show in the vein of Strike Witches, the kind where they think that having a few plane CG models is already thrilling content.

❌❌ But then it doesn’t even turn out to be that in practice, because most of the episode is taken up by lame “worldbuilding” (i.e., coming up with excuses for why your fanservice show has to be the way it is) and trying to make your bland harem lead interesting, which is a futile endeavour.

❌ The most interesting part is still the CG dogfighting, such as it is. It’s not great either. Also, girly planes are pink.

♎ Honestly got a laugh out of them randomly picking a Gripen as heroine unit  in addition to actual JSADF hardware, because that’s a sleek-looking plane. The biggest prank the JSADF ever pulled on the otaku industry is buying the chubby F-35, which is nowhere to be seen here.

Go-toubun no Hanayome / The Quintessential Quintuplets

What: Empoverished highschooler is hired as a tutor for some rich quintuplets with large breasts.

❌ This is a blatant harem setup that would make a 2003 bishoujo VN blush.

✅ However, in practice it’s much better than it sounds. It knows it’s a wacky romcom with a dumb premise and it does not pretend otherwise.

✅ So it’s lighthearted, but it’s also surprisingly classy. In fact, it’s classier than Domestic no Kanojo, which is a show that’s actually trying to look respectable and failing.

✅ The relationships are also very feisty, with an energy that a comedy needs. There’s a lot of sass to go around here. Probably the best of these I’ve seen in a while, so I’ll give it three eps.

Kemurikusa

What: After getting pulled off the sequel, the Kemono Friends crew made their own version. Presumably there are blackjack and hookers in this show’s future.

❌ If you are a fan of KF’s “charms”, fear not, you would not be able to tell these people made another anime before. It's still total amateur hour.

❌❌ It’s not even the “looks”, though those certainly are not a highlight. The design is okay and the animation is bad, but I’m not incapable of enjoying shows with bad animation. What really kills it is the editing. I usually don’t comment on editing because that’s almost always competent and only very rarely great, but Kemurikusa has uniquely lazy and badly timed editing. Every shot being seconds longer than it needs to be is already an annoyance in low-key dialog scenes, but the alleged action is laughable and allows you a long, unblinking stare at every frame of bad animation. I really do wonder why they even bother with it when it’s so terrible.

✅ The setting seems alright, even though it’s just a reskinned Kemono Friends. At least it’s not gijinka nonsense this time (which makes one wonder where the gimmick characters are supposed to come from, but I digress), and it’s more upfront about what it actually is too. I’d call it mildly intriguing.

❌ I don’t mind mystery and certainly prefer it to exposition bombs, but instead of that this episode quickly establishes the most basic facts... and then repeats them over and over and over some more. Combined with non-editing, this makes for horrible pacing. 

♎ I had no opinion on KF’s longer-term qualities, because the first episode was so boring I never got any further. I won’t have an opinion on this show’s long-term qualities for the same reason.

Magical Girl Spec-Ops Asuka

What: Magical girls are tragic, shoot gun’s.

❌❌ Yo bro, what if magical girls but dark? Surely such a thing has never been attempted.

❌ The particular source of grim here is that these girls are war vets and fight with semi-realistic weaponry, so there’s a fair bit of the ol’ milwank in this one as well.

❌ The best part of the entire show is that the enemies they originally fought looked like cute teddy bears. Of course, this is dropped in favor of just slicing and dicing some random terrorists in the main narrative. I guess “dark magical girl” is still too outlandish a concept, gotta go with ripping off The Punisher again.

❌ The characters so far are nothing special, you got your PTSD Rambo and the generically cute tomodachis she swears to protect. Such contrast!

❌❌ If you must make these 80s action movies with some otaku gimmick pasted on top, would you mind making the action look good at least? Because I don’t care how many gallons of blood you paint in your dramatic but conspicuously non-moving pans.

Meiji Tokyo Renka

What: Spiritually sensitive lonelygirl gets kitsuned to the Meiji era, which is full of delicious beef and some handsome men too I guess.

✅ This isn’t an outright comedy, but it goes all in on everyone’s fabulosity level to a degree that it’s really already three quarters to Dame x Prince.

✅ Similarly, the lead is not quite as unimpressed with these hams as Ani was, but she certainly has a lot more interest in roast beef than in these guys always trying to pull her into sparkly chin-holding poses &c.

✅ Meiji Tokyo Renka doesn’t seem to be anything special, but it gets the tone right and is expressive enough to not become boring.

♎ While certainly watchable right now, with these there’s always the chance that it decides to launch into real drama in the long run, which in turn almost always goes wrong.

Yakusoku no Neverland / The Promised Neverland

What: An orphanage’s happy daily life gets upended by the realisation that they’re just pizza rolls for some demonic entities.

✅ I watched this right after Kemurikusa and let me tell you, it sure helps if you’ve got professionals on the team. This is a highly competent show as far as cinematography and editing is concerned. While there isn’t any reason to go all out on the action sakuga, this show looks real good.

❌ I’m not feeling the character design, to be specific I think everyone’s chin is too big. This sounds like a real assholy nitpick, but be aware that this will impact around 90% of the time you watch this. 

✅ The premise is workable for a shounen manga, even if hardly original (remember Owari no Seraph?) At least it’s not kids with superpowers spamming beams at each other while discussing the nature of heroism, and seems to be going for a more mindgames-based approach in the vein of Death Note. The characters are just barely good enough so far. In the end it’s not so much the premise, but how well the production values are able to sell it. And that’s what Neverland is good at.

❌ It’s specifically a Weekly Shounen Jump manga, and that is huge red flag. Sure enough, while the visuals and mood deliver, the dialog writing justifiably assumes the reader is a moron. Almost every line in this is either straight universe exposition or someone reading someone else’s character sheet back to them. It’s insane and not even necessary because their actions establish all of this just fine, but hey, WSJ readers amirite?

❌ Also, since it’s a successful WSJ property, don’t expect an ending or be prepared to watch this show for years. Most likely both.

♎ This seems like it could be entertaining once the exposition is out of the way and the real meat of the narrative starts. Then again, at that point pacing would come into play, which is yet another achilles heel of WSJ-style shounen manga. Against my better judgement, I’ll probably have a look how this develops, but I don’t expect much.

[wahbegan]

Red’s Retro Reviews - Condemned Criminal Origins

Hello and welcome to the tag where I use my otherwise useless and time-consuming habit of taking very old classic games that I’ve wrung all the enjoyment out of like a troubled child with an injured bird and turn it into entertainment! Maybe one day the editor of some chic magazine will hire me to talk about how much I know about Batman: Arkham Asylum and how much I hate myself for it.

Anyway, this week I thought I’d start off with an overlooked little gem that had a bit of cult notoriety and good critical reception, but which otherwise nobody gave an ounce of rat shit about: the Condemned series. More specifically, the original game.

Now, when I ask you who started the extremely lucrative habit of live-streaming themselves hilariously over-reacting to horror games, you might be tempted to say the Game Grumps, or Markiplier if you’re younger, or Pewdiepie if you’re the kind of person who unironically uses the phrase anti-white racism. But you’d all be wrong and stupid. Also possibly nazi sympathizers, but I digress.

NO! The first college-age white boys who decided it would be a good idea to beam them fucking up a video game to thousands and thousands of people online are..........lost to history because archiving of the exact history of internet trends is such an enormous clusterfuck that for years people were convinced, and some still are, that Slenderman was a real urban legend and not something some dickhead made up for a photoshop competition circa 2009

But ONE of the first was the 4 Players Network, or 4 Players Podcast, or 4PP. I know very little about these guys, so if they all turned out to be nonces and serial killers please don’t @ me, but what i DO know, is that they uploaded a video that changed my life forever. This video was “Holy Crap That’s a Bear !” Certainly not a name that would stand out in today’s massively oversaturated Let’s Play market, but this delightful video documented these two dumb assholes losing their shit over a game. The game of course, being Condemned 2: Bloodshot. Specifically, the level in which you are chased through a hunting lodge by a rabid bear. As an aside, I looked it up, having never heard of the phenomenon, and apparently it’s very rare, but yes bears can and do get rabies, usually with just about as fatal results as you would expect. So sweet dreams!

Anyway, watching this couple of dipshits get jumpscared and mauled to death by a poorly rendered bear again and again as they were repeatedly outwitted at every turn by an entity with a few lines of programming instead of a brain was, in y’know the year 2008,  the absolute most fun a 14-year-old boy could have. Clearly it still is, but you always remember your first time, particularly when the only LPs i have watched since were a handful of markiplier videos with a girl in college who liked to get me very stoned and then put them on because she thought that counted as courtship.

A n y w a y, apart from the unfortunate and definitely a mistake innovation of streaming video games, the sequence of being chased through a claustrophobic environment by a bear which can rip down doors, break through walls, run faster than you, shrug off 15 shotgun blasts to the face without so much as sneezing, etc. seemed incredibly tense and original, an amazing concept for a game. Once again, this was circa 2008 before “Run for your fucking life” had become the norm for horror games.

So then why the fuck are you not reviewing that game?? You might be thinking if you’re still reading this which someone clearly is or my narrative voice would have ceased to exist by now in that tree falling in the woods kind of way. Well, dear reader, while Condemned 2 was better than the first game in a LOT of ways, it’s always worth taking a gander at the one that started it all. Also, Condemned 1 is, if only slightly, probably better known. Also, Bloodshot commits the cardinal sin of over-explaining the first game’s mystery and a result making it kind of goofy and ridiculous see also the entire history of the Halloween franchise, and as a result the ending is....well, a bit shit, to be honest. Finally, and most importantly, it’s not on Steam for 3 dollars, so shut up

The thing about Condemned is that while Let’s Plays and seemingly inanimate objects moving only when you’re not looking at them and unstoppable juggernauts of wanton death have now become the norm for video game horror (and thanks a fucking bunch, Doctor fucking Who, for always being what people say started the inanimate object fuckery even though Stephen King did it in The Shining in the FUCKING 70s and let’s be honest it’s just a primal universal fear and i’ll be in the cold fucking ground before that bloody show sees one ounce of credit where it isn’t due), Condemned as a whole has remained remarkably unique. Not wholly unique, the developers have heavily borrowed from genre-straddling crime horror movies like Silence of the Lambs and Se7en and in fact almost beat-for-beat stole the most infamous jump scare from the latter, but if it still ends with shit in my pants, and it does, I can’t really call it a failure.

Most of the creativity the game DOES have is in the gameplay itself, or rather one aspect of the two aspects of the gameplay. It’s the combat I’m talking about the combat, seeing as that’s basically all there is. Let’s just get this out of the way first, the forensic investigation shit is........well, it’s a bit shit. Oh yes, there’s a couple crime scenes you have to “solve” in a cursory almost a cutscene sort of way, where you have helpful premonitions about where you’re supposed to look and, as your lab tech helpfully informs you, “the system will choose which tool you need for you, so don’t worry about that!” Well, Christ kill me, thank God YOU know between the three fucking tools I have, one of which is an everything sensor and one of which is just a fucking camera which I’m supposed to use, God knows I wouldn’t have liked to have solved that mystery myself. It’s a shame because some of the crime scenes are quite intricate and yes, I would have liked to have put together myself that “wait a minute there’s a handprint in the paint here that matches the killer but the UV light shows an old blood spatter on the wall right above where he’d be sitting to make it, THAT MUST MEAN-” but nope. No you just have a premonition of the guy getting clobbered over the back of the head because the game is so terrified you won’t be able to put two and two together that it points out both the twos and hands you a multiplication table and nudges you and looks meaningfully at four every few minutes if you hesitate.

Anyway, that’s all the whingeing about the gameplay out of the way, because the rest of it is just delightful. Condemned is the rare first person game that focuses almost solely on melee combat and the almost unheard of one that does it well. In fact, it is the only example I can think of that’s not shit. Weapons all have individual stats to do with their heft and how far they can reach and how much of a man’s skull you can cave in at once with it and you have to choose between the plank with nails sticking out of it you can swing three times a second but you have to beat a man so badly with it it’s tiring just to watch and the sledgehammer, which demands a two weeks’ notice in writing if you’re planning on hitting someone with it, but will basically render every living thing in its considerable swing arc sent to the fucking Shadow Realm upon impact.

Something about the sound effects and the way the weapons in this game control really gets under my skin, I was killed by a 300-pound Subway-dwelling crazy survivalist wielding the aforementioned sledgehammer, and when I went down, I was sure I was familiar with the sound effect that played when it struck my skull, a sort of distant, muffled ringing of bone hitting metal. Wait a minute, I thought, I know I’ve experienced this in real life, how did they get this sound effect? Did they kill a man with a hammer to get this sound effect? Was I killed with a hammer in a past life? Killing people is equally fucking unpleasant as even the most vicious and inhuman looking ones don’t go down easily, and you can see them spit gobs of broken teeth and blood and god knows what, hear the lovingly researched impact noises, and almost feel the impact as you necessitate years of reconstructive facial surgery with one swing of your mighty chunk of concrete attached to a rebar. Then some of them have the gall to shakily get to their knees, not quite dead, trying to mumble something and you’re required to hit them AGAIN, which is always harrowing. To quote another underappreciated piece of media about the joys of gruesome murder: Why won’t you just die?! This is hard enough for me!!

The guns you do get are absolute balls, generally having about three bullets in them, you can’t reload them even if you find the exact same type of gun later, you can’t hold them in your inventory, and if you want an aiming reticle you have to actively turn it on in the options menu, and you can almost hear the game laughing at you for being such a shameless pussy.

Well, you now might be thinking to yourself, cheers for making the effort, but I’m not an insane person and therefore do not think the idea of a brutally beating people to death simulator sounds very enticing, but that’s the thing, it’s not really supposed to be. It does have a strangely addictive quality after a while, but for the most part it’s panicky and harrowing and grotesque and you really don’t want to do it but you have no choice, which is absolutely the best kind of survival horror. See, the combat in survival horror is always a bit of a sticking point, isn’t it? Because if you give the player too much firepower it just becomes an action game with spooky set pieces, but if you give them none at all, as is chic today, you better have loads of other surprises in store buddy boy, because the sheen on that trend has died and now you’re just likely to get slapped with the dreaded WALKING SIMULATOR sticker.

No, the best kind of combat for a horror feel is exactly the kind Condemned delivers, so of course they never FUCKING did it again. You leave every fight low on supplies, exhausted, badly wounded, and a bit sick at what you just reduced a human being’s skull to. Too often, the combat in games is, even that word “combat” it’s clean, it’s cold, it’s detached, it’s a very unique euphemism for butchering God knows how many people. I play this little game in my head when I go through games sometimes trying to keep track of how many unique, thinking, feeling entities I’ve just reduced to a mess for the janitor to mop up, and I always lose track around the third level. Condemned isn’t like that. Its violence is violence: horrible, awful, terrifying violence, and it doesn’t let you forget it. 

The graphics also add a lot to the horror if you can get past the dated polygonal weird-ass xbox 360 at launch faces and cutscenes, which is actually pretty easy once you get used to it. The level and character design is fantastic, and really adds a lot to the whole feel of the game. Everywhere you look is dark and labyrinthine, crumbling with rebars jutting out and exposed paneling and plumbing beneath holes rotted in the walls and grime and blood and god knows what just staining everything. This game is really nihilistic in tone, and you get the sense just from the graphics that you’re somewhere nobody gives a shit about, in a part of a city that’s just been left to die and rot. One almost gets the feeling moving around the fourth or fifth condemned (ohhhhh I see what they did there) building that the whole city is just a ghost town full of nobody but violent lunatics, and also that if you keep playing for too long you might get hepatitis just from exposure.

Plot-wise, I could fill another twenty paragraphs with petty gripes. It’s a bit Kill List which i’m sure is a reference you all understand in that it starts as a crime thriller about catching a serial murderer and ends in some bizarre insane bullshit halfway between Hereditary and Hellraiser, and leads you into it gently enough that you never really notice a sudden lurch.

You play as Ethan Thomas, a very boring and generic FBI Agent called in to investigate a serial killer case by two cops who are REMARKABLY blithe about murdering people, and it’s a bit jarring in today’s political climate. Though distrust, fear, and hatred of the police isn’t exactly new, and violence amongst police officers is brought up at one point, albeit in a loading screen, so honestly I can’t be arsed to speculate on what level of self-awareness we’re operating on here. Regardless, it’s bothersome.

“Oh yeah, this place is full of addicts, hopped up on something, I think, just shoot ‘em. What? Lost your gun, eh? That’s fine here’s a fire axe go nuts, kid, we’ll deal with the paperwork later”

Anyway, you are ambushed by a man you believe to be the killer for.......no real reason, really. He was spying on you checking out the crime scene, but we just established this place is full of squatters, what if one of the 8 people I murdered on the way into this ambush was the killer??? Case solved! 

Anyway, needless to say, without wishing to spoil, the dude IS the main antagonist the yellow eyes are a helpful giveaway, and he takes your gun and swiftly shoots Generic Beat Cop and Generic Dick with it, then throws you out a window, whereupon some other asshole whose main role in the game is to be enigmatic and plot-convenient, you know, one of THOSE characters, spirits you away from the scene, making it look like you just killed two cops and fled.

Now, in real life, as we all know, a cop can’t be indicted for murder even if 50 people saw him do it, but in this world, it means you have to go on the run from the FBI (not your lab tech, though, who is somehow assisting you from the lab and sending confidential data to your phone unnoticed??) while trying to solve the murder.

Meanwhile, in the background, in an “I’m sure this isn’t important and will in no way inform the last level of the game going batshit bonkers” kind of way, all of the people, including the cops, in certain dilapidated and neglected areas of the unnamed City City appear to be going what is medically known as balls-to-the-wall kill crazy, and birds are dropping dead from the sky by the thousands. Even you, protagonist, are prone to horrible screaming nightmare visions coming right the blazing blue fuck out of nowhere and that you never feel the need to comment on or go take a lie-down. I’m sure it’s nothing.

The voice acting is what you’d expect from this era of video games i.e. not good and the writing has an absolutely DESPICABLE habit of having characters tell Ethan things he should already god damned well know for the sake of gameplay or exposition, leading to my current theory that Agent Ethan Thomas has some kind of horrible head injury and can’t remember anything from over 2 minutes ago like Guy Pearce in that pretentious movie where he accidentally kills his wife and then runs around for two hours terrorizing random-ass people about it.

The game never full-on plays the AND THE MAN YOU’VE BEEN PLAYING AS WAS CRAZY THE WHOLE TIME card and leaves things a bit ambiguous, but after caving in the 15th vagrant’s head and the 7th vision you’ve had of being murdered by some Cenobite-looking motherfucker while conducting an unsanctioned investigation during a suspension prompted by you presumably murdering the shit out of two guys, you start to think this may not be standard FBI protocol. 

It’s all a bit hard to swallow is me point, a bit hard to sympathize, and a bit muddy if we’re supposed to or not. But you know what? It certainly isn’t boring, and I’d be lying if I told you it wasn’t effective. This game is now one of only two to have genuinely given me nightmares, and I think it’s rather telling that after I played the hallucination part I had the nightmare about, I was having genuine trouble remembering if something happened in my nightmare of it or in the actual version.

Condemned is batshit crazy, hilariously easy to write off as “that game about killing hobos”, and very, very dated. But it is genuinely harrowing and unpleasant, and was clearly genuinely made by artists with the intent of saying.....errr i’m not exactly sure what, but SOMETHING! It’s about as far a cry as you can get from the Triple A crawling with microtransactions like your MCM is with crabs milk-you-for-money-until-your-udders-bleed look-at-how-shiny-we-are games, and even a lot of indie horror games who think it’s a measure of a masterpiece being able just to constantly trigger your fight-or-flight response again and again and again so you can make a hilarious Let’s Play out of it not to name any names Five Night’s at Freddy’s. It’s a relic of a different and i think a better time in gaming history, where big-name publishers were still taking chances and hadn’t quite yet worked out the formula for how to distill games into their most skeletal, malnourished, corporate, addictive, glorified gambling form.

Also it’s 3 dollars on Steam and you can finish it in like ffffffffucking...two days? So really why the fuck not. I have no idea how to assign numbers to things i’d probably give ir a 7 or 8 or 4 out of 5 stars but i’m bad at systems like that, just play it if you give a shit. If nothing else, a bunch of people snapping it up out of nowhere will really fuck with marketing, which is always a noble pursuit

[shellyscribbles]

About Losing Faith

Recently there have been at least two Christian leaders, Joshua Harris and Marty Sampson who have expressed either doubt in or a departure from their faith.  It reminded me of a note I wrote on facebook about this time in 2013.  I had read a post that the band Emery had made about ex-Christians that had struck me and brought up thoughts and memories similar to things brought to mind by these recent stories.

One of the biggest things that come to mind is the mention of Mr. Harris and Mr. Sampson having peace in either walking away from faith or the path away from it.  This struck me because one of the most painful times in my life was a period where I nearly walked away from my faith.  I remember it so vividly because all the light and peace vanished from my life.  It was like something cracked and let out all the air.  

I was a worship leader for the youth group while I was going through this and I remember leading worship and looking at everyone, with all the fears and doubts I was feeling and thinking: “I will never tell them.  I will just leave quietly.  I can’t do this to any of them.” I was simultaneously crying out to God for proof and planning a way to walk away from my church without leaving any doubt with them. I wanted them left in the peace of their faith.  

I remember back when I first became a Christian, I was on a message board and someone told me about how they used to believe and then they realized how foolish it was and that they were happier now.  

I honestly don’t understand. How does the fracturing of a way of life bring peace?

When I wrote my note six years ago, I came to the conclusion that they must have never truly encountered God because in my experience, I could not go back.  I cannot.  All my doubts and fear come against the first time I felt God.  I knew in that moment that I would never go back to not believing in Him, and I never have.  I have metaphorically strained against that moment and that memory, but I haven’t got past it.  Maybe I am more unique in this than I used to believe.

I was listening to the Matt Walsh podcast and he discussed these stories and one thing he said struck me. He mentioned how the response that believers have had to this is not constructive.  Especially in the case of Sampson because he specifically said he was in the process of losing his faith, not that it was gone.  

It reminds me of the days I used to spend hours on facebook talking to Oh, Sleeper fans and following everything the band said and did.  There was a point where the guitarist was being criticized by the fans because of his expression that he did not believe in God.  Their vocalist and main lyricist is a strong Christian and as a result, their fans include a lot of Christians.  These Christians acted in a way toward him that,  in all likelihood, closed the pathway to God in his face.  To this day he doesn’t believe though he greatly respects Christians and has said he wishes he could believe.  He discussed it in a recent interview and it has come up on the lyrics of their songs as well.  

What if someone is hurting and searching and the body of Christ chastises them for their efforts? Does that not portray Christ as other than He is?  Is showing anger and disappointment in people a way to demonstrate Christ?  Do we think we can explain God?

That was what got me into trouble all those years ago, I was debating a group of atheists.  I thought I could teach them that God was real. What happened instead (and I could see later how God was trying to warn me of what I was doing) was I began trying to build a neat box to put God in.  If I could just get Him in this box, maybe I could give Him to people.  But that isn’t how it works.

I met Christians when I was young.  They didn’t convince me of God’s existence.  I thought Christians were silly for believing in a sky man.  Even as I began going to a youth group and meeting Christians who tried to teach God to me, I didn’t believe.  I wanted to be around a guy I liked.  That was all.  

It wasn’t until I sat in the sanctuary and felt my Creator come beside me that I changed.  Even that was a slow process.  Once I came to the conclusion that there was a God that made me, I didn’t immediately want anything to do with Him.  I had picked up all of these different notions about who He was.  Many of them were good, but some of them didn’t sound great to me.  I was a rather dark person and there were things that sprang to mind immediately as offensive to this God and I didn’t want to give them up.

I felt judged by Christians and so I felt that this God would surely put me through the ringer if He would tolerate me at all.  I felt that I was in for an overhaul.  

I was not entirely wrong on these fears, but I have learned over the years that the God I feared in that moment does not resemble the God I know now.  I still fall into those fears sometimes.  I begin to think I have become unworthy overtime.  Surely now that I have professed to believe for so many years, my weaknesses warrant being cast out.  It’s not.  He never has rejected me despite my questions and fears and even the time I tried to make Him leave me.  

I don’t know if people who walk away from the faith have encountered God.  It is entirely possible they have.  They are different people than I am.  They have different experiences.  

What I do know is that people who act as a representative of Christ have an impact on how others see God. Are we reflecting Him well?  

One of the problems I think is that we are not very good mirrors.  God is something outside of ourselves and our world and trying to explain Him with the tools we have here is not easy.  Like John trying to convey his revelation.  He didn’t have words for it, so he compared it to things he knew. It had to be largely figurative because it was something other than here.  We do the best we can, but we are trying to convey something beyond ourselves.

The amazing thing about all of it is that God lets this work rest in our hands.  Our imperfect hands.  

I have come to accept over the years that I will never have all the answers.  I don’t think I want them.  The day I have all the answers would be the day I realize there isn’t really a God.  God doesn’t fit in a box.  He isn’t clean and neat.  We should have grace with one another for our doubts.  And maybe strive to make peace with the knowledge that some answers aren’t ours to have. 

“All that I have are questions, so much is veiled in mystery. but You are Yourself the answer. The only answer that I need.” -Answered by Thrice

[1000000dreams]

One Year Reflection

It’s been a whirlwind of a year to get where I am today. Although transitioning communities from moderately conservative to progressive is been tough, I’ve never felt more confident about my beliefs. I have a lot of friends who are curious to what caused me to “change beliefs.” (I put that in quotes because I see it more as evolving my understanding of life) Here is a complete, yet succinct timeline of my journey out of moderately conservative theology. (If you haven’t already, read my testimony about how I became Christian)

December 2017 - I watch Kathy Baldock’s video, which explores how the historical perception of homosexuality in America influenced where contemporary Christians stand today.

January 2018 - Gay Christian Network Conference, now known as Q Christian Fellowship. I meet hundreds of LGBT+ Christians from dozens of different denominations all over the country. I experience what it would be like to be in an all-LGBT church. I experience what it’s like to have a community in which everyone has the same sexual orientation as me. I learn that Side A and Side B people have a lot of similarities. I meet people who have transitioned from B to A. I learn that <5% of Americans wait until marriage, and that number is still small for Christian Americans. I meet progressive Asian American Christians (PAAC). I come back home realizing I’ve been isolated my whole life, and I should be working to make churches more aware about LGBT issues.

February 2018 - I join a local LGBT bible study. I start listening to Queerology Podcast, which has dozens of viewpoints I’ve never heard before.

March 2018 - I visit a local LGBT Community center, marking my first time willing seeking non-Christian LGBT community. Before then, I didn’t consider myself LGBT and did not associate myself with the rainbow flag. I come out at church and on Facebook as gay and Christian. 

April 2018 - I watch “The Greatest Showman” with folks from my LGBT Bible Study. I broke down in tears, because my heart was telling me how beautiful it was to fall in love. (More details here.) I got to meet a Bible study member and his husband and kids. It just seemed so normal - how could God condemn them for being a normal family?

May 2018 - I started to believe God blesses both Side B and Side A people. Biblical arguments on both sides seemed agreeable. I just keep thinking about how the Side A people I met love Jesus so much, and God surely would not condemn them.

2nd anniversary of my favorite video game Overwatch. Each playable character in Overwatch has unique abilities. Each character has different strengths and weakness, but when they work together they become a powerful team. Similarly, I have aspects about myself that are different than others, but in harmony with other diverse people, I am not more or less valid as a person than the next one.

June 2018 - I attend my first SF Pride Parade with a Christian friend who’s recently out, and a long-term childhood friend who was beginning to transition. The joy I saw in their eyes is such a contrast from the pain they have to experience from their homophobic family members.

July 4, 2018 - Steven Universe becomes the first kids show to feature a same-sex proposal and wedding. The show creator explains she fought for this episode to air otherwise children are “gonna think that they’re inappropriate, and they’re going to have a very good reason to think that because they’ve been told that through their entire childhood.” I didn’t realize until that episode that it happened to me.

July 8, 2018 - I attend my first ever LGBT-affirming church. A friend of mine cautiously reminds me that I need to form my own beliefs instead of copying what other people believe. God reveals me that night that my entire existence as a Side B Christian is based upon the fact that I’m afraid of losing friends if I become Side A. I realize God will still love me if I’m Side A. Moreso, I realized that God delights in diversity, and the colorful entirety of the human race is a reflection of God.

July 26, 2018 - I attend Revoice Conference and have closure with the Side B community.

August 2018 - I attend PAAC Family retreat. Not only is this my first time in a Side A space, but it’s with Asian American Christians.

October 2018 - Found a church of people who are super vulnerable and are completely comfortable talking about belief and disbelief. 

Other thoughts - I started to realize how pervasive heterosexuality is in straight people’s lives. Me having to hide or suppress my own homosexuality wasn’t healthy for my well-being. I started to date and I realized how completely horrible the “don’t date anyone you wouldn’t marry” advice was from my previous church communities. I realized that many Christians who claimed to spend time “growing in Christ” or “seeking to know God” are just basically repeating themselves the same things over and over again instead of seeking spaces that will challenge their beliefs.

If you made it this far and would still like to challenge your faith, here are a few questions to marinate in your heart:

Why don’t Christians spend more time talking about different denominations? What makes their own denomination the right one? Try spending fellowship with Christians of different denominations.

Same question, but replace “denomination” with “race.”

Same question, but replace with “religion.”

Why do Christians want to find simple answers instead of asking more questions?

Why do Christians love proselytizing to other cultures, but are unwilling to learn from other beliefs? If you’re trying to get someone else to eat your food, you have to be willing to at least taste theirs. I believe true humility is admitting one’s own world view is not more “correct” than someone else’s.

What would you say to two new members of your church of the same gender who are dating? What if they were married? Would you tell them they had to divorce to attend your church? What if they had kids?

I met a girl in Florida who loves Jesus, is asexual, and is homoromantic. Since the Bible only condemned sexual situations involving those of the same gender, why would it condemn this girl who loves Jesus and wanted to have a sex-less relationship with a woman?

I also have demisexual Christian friends. If there are people out there that experiences different levels of sexual attraction, why would Christians make the assumption that everyone has the same level of sexual attraction and base their sexual ethics around that?

I hope my stories bring you insight or challenge you a little. I hope this makes you more curious to learn about people that are different from you. I hope you learn something new every day so you can learn how to love others more. Have a great summer! :)