#a little look inside his head

[aa-carnivorousfatality]

We have potential. We can be good. Let us be good...

"Why? " an internal thought in his head. A conversation with only himself. His voice lingering on the wind.

......We can be good.

"And why should we be? When the world has been cruel to us?"

LET US BE GOOD!!!! WE CAN BE GOOD!!!!

"No!!!! I refuse to be. The world has been cruel to us from the start. Venom was cruel to this world once, and now they praise him. As if he hasn't done far worse damage than a few corpses left on the street."

Venom....is our father.

A snarl. "No, he is not. A father's first instinct. A father's first choice should NOT be to KILL his son!!!" For some HUMANS THAT HAD NO ISSUE AND STILL WILL PUT HIM IN THE GROUND!!!"

A table was thrown, smashing into pieces. The sound echoing in the abandoned church. Eyes locked on the wall, fangs bared.

Cletus is gone...

"I KNOW that!!!"

.....We want father....

"Shut. Up."

YOU want father....

His feet were moving towards the exit. It was like his body was on auto pilot. As if HE has a symbiote. But there was no symbiote in Carnage. He was unsure why he was moving. But he was moving with one intent in his mind.

Find father.......Need father.....Hurts.

"Father..." Carnage choked out. For the first time in his life...he felt so small. Too small.........

He hated it.

Talons gripped the frame before he could take off into the dense fog. Snarls and growls came from him as he shook. "I refuse to crawl to him!!! He made his choice. I made mine."

........I made mine.

His body relented and he managed to back away from the exit. Eyes hollow and trained on the fog. He could hear the distant sound of coyotes in the distance. Their howls....reminding him of himself inside.

So he tilted his head back.

And roared.

[rystiel]

erik being like “you control minds charles….. you can get into my head…… you can make me do whatever you want…….. i couldn’t possibly disobey you if you really wanted to make me do something, you know……..” EVERY time he has no helmet on it’s like. ok jesus we get it. we get the point erik.

[puppyeared]

doodles of my fav sillies

anton belongs to @poicyss

[hyohaehyuk]

jam laughing at the vibe comment while they watch the birth of ericsaad "you remember when that happend to us when we first met?"

source: lestatdevampire and vxmpzion

full video (the excerpt is from around 3:37):

INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE team talks Paris, love triangles & all things Season 2 | TV Insider

[unriding]

hi evie !! how have you been ? :33 i hope you dont mind me borrowing you and moze for something ehehe <3

[dykesynthezoid]

I love Assad’s millennial manic pixie dream girl isms but sometimes they do provoke a violent response in me

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[janekestrel]

"I enjoyed sharing a moment of magic with you."

[cave-monkey]

Six Ears, and being left.

[crossbackpoke-check]

tagged by ko @tofumilanesa for wip wednesday! big shout out to writevember for making me feel like i can actually call any of these works in progress… your guide to my emoji code under the cut

wip!

🪻🐈‍⬛ - the doc title is still just. YOWLING but i am like 7/8 of the way done with omega yamo fic and hopefully salem isn’t reading this so i can just drop it over a year later with no warning <3

🫃2️⃣ - DEWEY^2 P2!!!! she is almost done (i am lying) but she is so close i can almost taste it. sorry to my pwp that grew its own feelings baby

😇🤭 (🕒 -> 🕜) - rip i’m not telling you about this one until it’s posted but it IS complete aside from being ao3 formatted and the eight billion edits i inevitably do right before full-sending it

☁️💧 - cloud petey fic, which exists mostly as an embarrassingly large tag on a different blog and is condensing into a narrative about as well as water at 30° N/S. the time loop fic also falls under this description

eternally in progress (short list)

��🐕 - tyler borzoituzzi exists… there is an index of scenes/plot points… it plays like a movie in my head…

💯❕- fantastic! ‘verse

👁️👻 - stevie brandon seeing ghosts au, which has eight different (now nine i guess but you haven't seen the mustache adam post yet) plots. sorry

just. rotating like a microwave

🍎 - because they didn’t have a pomegranate emoji, this is what i used for the fic that feels like it should be a 50k connor bedard character study hanif abdurraqib/cathal kelly thesis about legends and mythmaking in sports and eating your young. yes i know pomegranates aren’t actually pomes and apples are but it’s fine

🦈 - the one cat da fuck they doing over there meme but about the sharks just like. in general. more on this at five

tagging @colap1nto, @songsandswords, @whitenikes, @gordiemeow, @acheronist, and anybody else who wants to share!!

[invinciblerodent]

okay, I need someone to tell me if this is a silly idea, or something clever

this.... mildly unimpressed, slightly stankfaced portrait keeps popping up in Villa Dellamorte. I feel like I keep running into it (even if it's just a me issue of exploring and running in circles lol), but it really feels like I've seen multiple copies, and this one in particular is right at the end of a hallway in a way that you can't miss.

..... I'm thinking about altering the way the character I was planning to romance Lucanis with looks, and making her look like this portrait as much as I possibly can.

I don't know, there's just... something really fun (in a.... slightly unorthodox way of meaning "fun") to me, in the idea of him growing up in this vast, mostly empty mansion, among harsh circumstances and rigorous training regimens that would pass for torture everywhere else, with only the lifeless eyes of the portraits on the wall to keep him company. I think it'd be a nice thread of continuity between them, and maybe even a nod as to why he grows so attached so quickly (beyond having been, yknow, deprived of human-adjacent touch and any kindness for the last year), to think that the reason is that Rook resembles a "person" in whom he found solace in his youth, even if she was just a picture of a nameless woman who had lived Ages ago, hanging on the wall.

(Of course, with Coris in particular, this instant feeling of connection would also help in masking her plotting- at least long enough for her to discard the whole 'Lady Macbeth' scheme she had cooked up, and grow some genuine affection for him.)

(Also then this visit to the Villa might also re-contextualize a lot of things between them, with her getting stuck between flaring resentment to see the riches on display and the sorrow at how much of it is utterly empty, devoid of warmth, but yknow, that's for when I actually get there I think.)

[scrollll]

Okay... so what happened to Nant after Phop knocked him out? Because he was found naked somewhere else AND died of an overdose and not strangulation...

[binch-i-might-be]

RAT👏REVEAL👏

[sysig]

DAX is just so expressive ♥ (Patreon)

[averlym]

Im sorry but can you do 45 angst for parrlyn? U don't have to tho!

45- "leave" (very quick doodle for you!)

[zukosdualdao]

zuko was literally just trying to capture aang, and aang obviously knows that, but when iroh gets hurt zuko is literally the first one at his side—we don’t even see him move, in fact, the shot transitions from azula’s escape to zuko already kneeling beside him as the gaang turns to them. his back is literally turned on a bunch of people he considers enemies because he’s so upset.

and the gaang all approach to check on iroh, to see what’s happened, obviously stricken. what really gets me is the yes, aggressive, but also almost panicked way he shouts “get away from us!” when he realized they’re approaching. part of that is that enemies of his are seeing him so aggrieved and vulnerable. but it’s also because iroh was just hurt trying to help him, and zuko’s survival instincts are all raised, and these people have no reason to help him, if anything, it’s the opposite, so he can’t treat katara’s offer to help as anything other than a threat.

his literal firesweep at the gaang is so interesting to because it’s obviously a scare/defense/“don’t come any closer” tactic, but he’s not even trying to capture or actually attack them at this point he just needs them to leave. and i think this must be particularly wild for aang to witness because zuko was Just trying to capture him but now isn’t even trying at all, so he must get on some level that zuko genuinely does care about iroh. enough to forego/at least stall on the mission he’s otherwise been Intent on.