#a little existential

[anonzentimes]

I'm thinking about it again and It's honestly a little depressing how much I burnt myself out of Undertale. Like, it was the first fandom I ever joined and had technically my first comfort character ever, It was my first and I had nothing else like it. I didn't really get into anything else because I was afraid of losing it since it was my first time enjoying media like that. I had no other media to think about and I just kept on thinking about it for at least 3 years straight. It's comical because that fear of it going away actually happened BECAUSE I was afraid. Maybe in another timeline I looked out for other media like it and was able to alternate thinking about interests and it remained in my little library of interests in my head to this day.

I still like aspects of Undertale but I don't like thinking about it too much anymore. In all honesty it's one of the reasons why I love Deltarune so much. I think Deltarune's concepts, characters, and art is amazing while being similar enough that it itches the same scratch. Also the gameplay is way better than Undertale's Lol, I replayed undertale's pacifist route more than 6 times on multiple consoles and definitely like Deltarune's gameplay more.

I'm not in either fandom that much but I'm grateful for Undertale's impact on my life despite this weird feeling I have about it now, and I can't wait to see Deltarune's development continue on with Chapter 3.

It's a weird bittersweet feeling that I burnt myself out of Undertale to the point I don't care to think about it much anymore other than nostalgia, but I guess things like that just happen. I'm very happy with my interests now so maybe it was just a matter of finding interests I loved more since Undertale was just the beginning. I've grown a lot and I'm able to enjoy my interests in a healthy way and that makes me so happy. I'm happy with my life, even when there's things I don't like about periods of time in my life there are always small things like my interests that make it so I'd Never EVER take any of it back. I love living happily while I have the chance.

just being personal and rambling about experiences with interests and phases don't mind me haha

[1-800-chaos]

The feminine urge to bleed out next to your favorite dog in the middle of a flower field in the evening after heavy rain and watching the sky slowly get darker and the world slowly get colder while A Quick One Before The Eternal Worm Devours Appalachia by Lizard in the Spring plays

[strudeldoodlearts]

Terrible puns have been my life-blood as of late.

Mole-lay tacos. Serotonin PILL bugs. The song stuck in your HEAD (until it pours out the ear holes!)

It's how the creativity pushes itself out, even when I'm not sure of my own ideas. Funny that I say something like, 'I'm not sure' at this moment, even though I was 100% internally screaming, "THIS IS IT!!!" upon finishing all of these illustrations.

Due to recent events and developments, I have been thinking about what purpose artists serve in this modern world, with the presence of AI and collective fan bases churning out what they love while asking for little in return.

I think artists wield a personalized skill and vision.

Like the way they approach things only makes sense to them, so you can't quite stomp them out of existence. They embody certain skills and opinions about beauty and combine them with the human instinct of *just existing.* They use their art style to tell others, "I'm here! What are ya gonna do about it?"

It's the kind of energy people need in a world where you're expected to fall in line, for someone else's profit or your own survival.

As my art evolves, the back of my brain ponders the purpose of an artist in a world that is slowly becoming timeless and more unpredictable.

But in the meantime, I laugh and use puns and fleeting mind images to stay relevant while I think about the answer.

[stefisdoingthings]

don't look (please do)

[cursio-neptune]

Hide and Seek

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[pandoras-prison]

[ghost-bxrd]

You guys ever think about an AU where Jason goes to hound Tim through Titans Tower, and, mid pursuit—while Tim is screaming at him about the second Robin being his hero, tryin to crawl away in a trail of blood—realizes he’s become an even worse version of his own mother, who sold him out to the Joker?

Because I do.

[mayasaura]

Marcille and Falin's relationship is so. Like to start out this ten year old child and this thirty-seven year old research grad were one another's first ever friend, right? They're adorable, there's mutual respect, they change and enrich eachother's lives, Marcille revises her whole approach to her life goals due to Falin's influence, ect.

Fast forward a decade, and Falin grows up. Falin leaves, for four whole years, and Marcille follows her to the end of the earth as soon as she's asked. She'll risk her life, die repeatedly, eat monsters and slime, invoke ancient and forbidden magic to save her.

But acknowledging Falin as an adult who has grown and changed with the passage of time? That's scary. That's too scary.

[winterprince601]

i don't know how else to say it: jon snow comes from two long lines of reckless magical bullshit and is basically a melting pot of feral royal blood but that's less important than the fact that he was raised by ned stark.

[twyllodrus]

"sorry to break it to you, edwin, but your first kiss was with a crow."

[edwinisms]

you ever think about how edwin got like. no warning, no time time to process, nothing, when he reappeared on earth faced with the fact that virtually everyone he knew in life is dead. his parents? probably died in the 1950s or so (at best) almost forty years prior to edwin’s return. if any of his classmates were still around, they’d have been elderly, possibly senile, and in a few years they’d all be gone– except, of course, edwin. nothing looks the same, cars look like spaceships, there actually are spaceships, he can no longer see the stars, and everyone he knew is dead.

[internetgiraffekid1673]

I need all eah fans to know about Raven's rant on normalcy to Cedar in the third book:

Not only is this Raven spitting solid life advice and straight facts, it's funny as hell. I love Raven Queen. She is always the most exhausted person in the room and it leads to her being one of the funniest characters in the book.

[jade-muffins]

Happy New Year

He's getting old with the years :(

[skitskatdacat63]

One makes him up, so the other can break him down.

This is a little terrifying but hello!! Posted my first fic on ao3!! I would've saved the illustrations for the fic's eyes only, but I'm too happy with them haha. Hope you'll still go on to read regardless!!

As always, my thoughts and progress, since I can't help myself:

I'm soooooo proud of these. I never ever really do dramatic lighting, so I'm really surprised that I pulled it off.

It's surreal actually posting this because for a while, I've thought about how if I ever post a fic, I'll have to make illustrations too because I can't do anything not full force. Look at me now! I'm shocked. Also didn't think I'd finish it tonight, but here it sits before you nevertheless(though as always, I'm writing this past my bedtime before class, time efficient as always.) So with that being said, here are some notes, though if I had known I'd be writing this so soon, I would've prepared more lol.

First of all, I hope it's clear both of these are Mark's perception. Gah, the fact that his face is the only one you can see clearly. The first is obviously him unwillingly fantasizing about what exactly went down last night.

Aghhhhh the difference in colors and settings of the two drawings is so important to me. The warmth and intimacy of the bed behind curtains in the first one, and the coldness and openess of the second. It's so clear Mark feels like he's been distanced, like he's been ousted. It's like he's been thrown outside on a cold winter's day, no longer able to feel the heat from the comfortable warm stove inside.

Mark was probably assigned to Seb bcs he has a much greater appreciation for the Spanish etiquette, which Seb has very little interest in. He'll abide by it when he absolutely has to. But he's just a very non-typical Emperor. People find it charming so it's not a public death sentence for him, but it is an issue. Thus, Mark is there to keep him in line. Though important to note that when Fernando, who has an equal if not greater respect for the showmanship of etiquette, realizes Mark is interested in that as well, they start warming up to each other.

The inherent disrespect of Fernando just. Throwing Seb's clothing onto the floor. Meanwhile he probably took like, 20 minutes folding his up(that's what Seb was gonna tell Mark at the end of the fic.) Borderline ripping off Seb's clothes only to edge him. Its not even like the ripping off the clothes is because of passion or anything, he's deliberately being an asshole. Don't worry Nandl, Seb's turned on by it!

So sorry to marknando fans if their dynamic feels like a complete 180 haha. Its not like I'm like, they actually hate each other!! It's just their relationship under completely different circumstances. They're like two dogs in a dog fight, they don't have any real reason to hate each other, but they're put against each other regardless. They don't understand their hatred, just know that they have it and that they're supposed to have it. The inherent hatred the mistress has for the spouse, and vice versa. If they actually were able to talk without barriers, they'd realize they actually get along pretty well. They kinda just hate each other because of their respective relationships to Seb. And then there's Seb who's mostly completely oblivious to his effect, though of course plays with it a bit.

Seb's marriage completely recontextualizes their relationship in Mark's eyes. Though there's something incredibly sado-masochistic about the way he can't blame Seb for it at all. He's a loyal dog after all. But when it was just them, he was obviously Seb's main companion and lover. Seb definitely slept with people on the side, but Mark brushed that off: 1. Bcs its very period typical. 2. He was the main, they were the side, what more needs to be said! But now *he's* the side piece, and is left wondering if their relationship was down to proximity alone. Not to pull a Mark and completely excuse Seb, but it's not. Just very different perceptions of love and relationships. And again, as I've mentioned before, he was raised to always be the most important person in the room, so he obviously has very different understandings, especially since he's always the center.

NANDL!!!!!! In my Habsburg book I've been reading lately, they randomly referred to one of them affectionately as "Nandl" and it's stuck in my head ever since. Can we start a movement to canonize that as an official Fernando nickname? I'm sooooo fond of it, I litrally ended the fic that way just so I could shoehorn that nickname in.

Speaking of the ending. It was really tough, I almost wanted to have Fernando burst in, looking for his ring, and then coming across whatever that is. But I didn't want to disrupt their moment anymore, it felt cruel. Though shame I couldn't mention that the reason why Seb's pants are nowhere to be found is because Fernando accidentally put them on and didn't realize till he was out of the room.

*I FORGOT TO POINT OUT ONE OF MY FAVORITE PARTS! Truly the danger of writing a post while falling asleep. There's something so incredibly funny to me the way they're talking so refined and then Seb just throws out: "that guy." It's a way to show his own disrespect of Fernando, not even using his name, implying he's just some guy(nur ein Kerl.) I laughed writing it cause it reminds me of the random dry humor anecdotes I've read lately.

[vaguely-concerned]

I am developing such a deep understanding and sympathy for garak, honestly. It's only been a couple of weeks, but already so much of my mental and emotional well-being is wrapped up in getting to see Julian Bashir's little face Do Things on a regular basis. I can't even imagine what 7+ years of that could do to a motherfucker

[wombywoo]

nostalgia...