#little personal

[anonzentimes]

I'm thinking about it again and It's honestly a little depressing how much I burnt myself out of Undertale. Like, it was the first fandom I ever joined and had technically my first comfort character ever, It was my first and I had nothing else like it. I didn't really get into anything else because I was afraid of losing it since it was my first time enjoying media like that. I had no other media to think about and I just kept on thinking about it for at least 3 years straight. It's comical because that fear of it going away actually happened BECAUSE I was afraid. Maybe in another timeline I looked out for other media like it and was able to alternate thinking about interests and it remained in my little library of interests in my head to this day.

I still like aspects of Undertale but I don't like thinking about it too much anymore. In all honesty it's one of the reasons why I love Deltarune so much. I think Deltarune's concepts, characters, and art is amazing while being similar enough that it itches the same scratch. Also the gameplay is way better than Undertale's Lol, I replayed undertale's pacifist route more than 6 times on multiple consoles and definitely like Deltarune's gameplay more.

I'm not in either fandom that much but I'm grateful for Undertale's impact on my life despite this weird feeling I have about it now, and I can't wait to see Deltarune's development continue on with Chapter 3.

It's a weird bittersweet feeling that I burnt myself out of Undertale to the point I don't care to think about it much anymore other than nostalgia, but I guess things like that just happen. I'm very happy with my interests now so maybe it was just a matter of finding interests I loved more since Undertale was just the beginning. I've grown a lot and I'm able to enjoy my interests in a healthy way and that makes me so happy. I'm happy with my life, even when there's things I don't like about periods of time in my life there are always small things like my interests that make it so I'd Never EVER take any of it back. I love living happily while I have the chance.

just being personal and rambling about experiences with interests and phases don't mind me haha

[andsoigotabutterfly]

Little update on Save Me From Her...

Sorry I keep you guys waiting more and more on the chapters. I feel like I struggle writing it and here's why;

First of all, it was deeply personal from the start. The first few times I wrote the chapters I didn't even register it, but I was pouring myself into Yanna herself (that's what I call Y/N characters. I couldn't ever read it as my name or didn't write Y/N's as if the reader was the one who I was writing about, sorry for that) and into the whole situation as well.

Years ago (like waaay back) I suffered a pretty bad arm injury that almost killed me, and I thought it would be pretty neat to write a story that had something like that. So I figured out a short little story for it, yet when I was writing chapter two (I originally planed 3-4 chapters lol) I somewhy thought I could drag it out, so (naturaly) without planing anything I dragged it out. I was always figuring out what was going to happen next while I was writing the story. Life just got shittier and shittier during all this and then someone very dear to me suffered a near death situation, got hospitalised and all that. The whole thing felt way too close to what I was writing and (knowing at least the very end of what would happen at my story) I started writing more and more reluctantly, because what if that happens with us as well? (Yeah, the ending would and will be pretty angsty...)

Second, I changed a lot. My mind's a bit clearer and I started to plan out my life and where I'm going to head with me, myself and I.

Because of these (mostly the first part) I have decided that I am going to end the series, but do not threat! I am leaving it here, and I am going to finish it. In the future, if things get better around here, I am going to restart the series. Write the whole thing once again, but now planned out and (hopefuly) depicted more clearly. I am sorry for this, but I feel like if I would continue it now, it would feel like a drag and wouldn't be the best I could make it. And it would really fucking hurt if I somehow predicted what would happen, and wrote it for anyone to see how miserable it all turned out.

If you still want to see me write, feel free to send asks and everything you want because I won't stop writing, just SMFH.

I am deeply sorry and I do promise, that if it turns out good in the end I will return with it. I hope you all can forgive me.

[inbabylontheywept]

so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.

the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.

i had like, fifteen raw eggs.

i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.

except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.

so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.

[dendrochronologies]

maya angelou saying the funniest thing anyone has ever said about editing, which i can never let myself forget EVER AGAIN [x]

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[tuttle-did-it]

David Tennant for Prime Minister, please.

edit- Since this is getting so much attention, edited to include descriptions of screenshots.

This woman has lost her fucking mind.

Jo, are you okay?

[iscariotapologist]

today in church one of the priests referred to trans people as "those who are growing into the gender they were called to be" and i'm kind of enjoying the idea of like....divinely ordained top surgery

[aesethewitch]

When I was a kid, we moved into a house that had a huge lilac tree out front. It was mostly rotten, and it needed to be taken down before it fell. It took a while, but eventually, it was gone.

Mostly. A couple years later, little lilac babies popped out of the ground in its place. My mom was determined to get rid of them, because she'd planted a beautiful flower garden there, and the lilac trees would overshadow and kill the whole garden. I insisted on saving at least a few saplings. She said fine, but I had to dig them out and put them in pots myself.

So, I did. I spent days digging little lilac bushes out of the ground and putting them into pots. Some couldn't be saved, but some could. When all was said and done, I had five brand-new lilac saplings. Seven or eight years old, and it was my absolute pride and joy.

Three died due to sun scorching, severe drought that no amount of watering could save, and perhaps just being moved from their place in the ground. But two survived, and I was awfully proud of them! I'd go out and talk to them every single day. I watered them by hand and made sure they were fertilized properly. I learned all about their favored environments, and I was determined to make sure they lived.

One of my mom's friends saw what I was doing with the lilacs. She asked if she could have one to put in her backyard, and I agreed on the condition that she take very, very good care of it.

It's now fucking enormous. I'm talking ten feet tall and bursting with beautiful purple flowers every spring. My mom still gets updates each year as they start to bloom, which she forwards to me. And all I can think is, "That's my friend! Thriving some twenty years on, there it is."

The other tree nearly died, too. It lived in a pot for far, far too long. I wanted to plant it somewhere in my parents' yard, but my mom was reluctant. Eventually, we agreed to put it in the far back garden. It grew okay for many years, despite the shade, but in all these years, it's never bloomed.

Last year, the massive tree casting massive shadows over the lilac and the garden cracked in half and fell. It tumbled into the garden, crushing part of the nearby shed and destroying a few plants beneath it.

It missed my lilac by inches.

The clean-up is long done. The rest of the tree has been cut down, and my lilac has full sunlight for the first time in fifteen years. It won't bloom this year, I know. But it's got new shoots up. It's taller than ever. I spent half an hour a few weeks ago praising it for surviving all this time, dreaming about its future and telling it how I believe it'll become the tall beauty it's always been meant to be.

I think next year, I'll see flowers.

[hillhomed]

and they were the best of friends forever

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Hey now, Let her cook!

[uncanny-tranny]

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

[cat-in-a-mech-suit]

Being forcefully raised as a woman is not any less traumatic and emotionally repressive as being forcefully raised as a man. Femininity is not inherently pure and safe. Coercing someone to perform femininity is not any less toxic than coerced masculinity. Being dysphoric around femininity or having trauma from women doesn’t make you a misogynist.

[platoapproved]

louis + cruelty

[stuckinapril]

It’s important to go through the vetted fundraisers list regularly & see what families have little to no funds. This could be for any number of reasons, like language barriers or maybe not being familiar w Tumblr. Either way we shouldn’t expect families to know how to market themselves in order to platform. This shouldn’t rely on networking & connections. As many fundraisers as possible should get their turn in being promoted and circulated. Appealing to you first should not be a prerequisite

[catmask]

does anyone have like an anti aesthetic. like something you look at and can recognize as a complete fashion/interior design/artistic movement and understand it but it makes you shudder seeing it. i am not talking like “its morally bad” “its poorly structured” like just sheerly devoid of joy for you actually invites a repulse response.

[coffeenonsense]

"astarion is a traumatized abuse victim who deserves kindness" and "astarion is a mean rat bastard man who would rip out your throat for a corn chip if he felt like it" are two statements that can and should coexist