#little personal

[nophannie]

realizing at 30 years old that i'll have to be one of those people who have to truly break free from whatever my family thinks about me is... a lot. i always believed that if i'll have a serious relationship that my familys opinion matters as well but given that i'm a lesbian and my parents never going to be happy with that.. is sucking my entire life out of me. i value family so much but i know that one day i probably have to choose myself once again.

i had a crushing realization that i chose a very lonely path in life by choosing myself. i could have gone full delusion, "pray the gay away", marry a man (yikes), have that community forever but deep down i knew i could not do it. so at 22 i chose to live another life. i had to learn how to even live for myself and even after 8 years i'm still new to a lot of things as i also chose to stay with my parents until i was 29. i realized that i still limited myself heavily. i felt isolated in that "church" and then self isolated for so many years, which made a lot friendships irreversible. i wasn't able to truly live my authentic self. besides my suffocating circumstances i was also terribly depressed which sort of paralyed me in some ways.

my first time therapy was so refreshing and i miss my therapist a lot. and my current room mate is someone i'll miss a lot too when he'll move out.

my best friends will eventually get married in the near future and i know already that this will automatically drive them away from me too. everyone will eventually move away.

[anonzentimes]

I'm thinking about it again and It's honestly a little depressing how much I burnt myself out of Undertale. Like, it was the first fandom I ever joined and had technically my first comfort character ever, It was my first and I had nothing else like it. I didn't really get into anything else because I was afraid of losing it since it was my first time enjoying media like that. I had no other media to think about and I just kept on thinking about it for at least 3 years straight. It's comical because that fear of it going away actually happened BECAUSE I was afraid. Maybe in another timeline I looked out for other media like it and was able to alternate thinking about interests and it remained in my little library of interests in my head to this day.

I still like aspects of Undertale but I don't like thinking about it too much anymore. In all honesty it's one of the reasons why I love Deltarune so much. I think Deltarune's concepts, characters, and art is amazing while being similar enough that it itches the same scratch. Also the gameplay is way better than Undertale's Lol, I replayed undertale's pacifist route more than 6 times on multiple consoles and definitely like Deltarune's gameplay more.

I'm not in either fandom that much but I'm grateful for Undertale's impact on my life despite this weird feeling I have about it now, and I can't wait to see Deltarune's development continue on with Chapter 3.

It's a weird bittersweet feeling that I burnt myself out of Undertale to the point I don't care to think about it much anymore other than nostalgia, but I guess things like that just happen. I'm very happy with my interests now so maybe it was just a matter of finding interests I loved more since Undertale was just the beginning. I've grown a lot and I'm able to enjoy my interests in a healthy way and that makes me so happy. I'm happy with my life, even when there's things I don't like about periods of time in my life there are always small things like my interests that make it so I'd Never EVER take any of it back. I love living happily while I have the chance.

just being personal and rambling about experiences with interests and phases don't mind me haha

[andsoigotabutterfly]

Little update on Save Me From Her...

Sorry I keep you guys waiting more and more on the chapters. I feel like I struggle writing it and here's why;

First of all, it was deeply personal from the start. The first few times I wrote the chapters I didn't even register it, but I was pouring myself into Yanna herself (that's what I call Y/N characters. I couldn't ever read it as my name or didn't write Y/N's as if the reader was the one who I was writing about, sorry for that) and into the whole situation as well.

Years ago (like waaay back) I suffered a pretty bad arm injury that almost killed me, and I thought it would be pretty neat to write a story that had something like that. So I figured out a short little story for it, yet when I was writing chapter two (I originally planed 3-4 chapters lol) I somewhy thought I could drag it out, so (naturaly) without planing anything I dragged it out. I was always figuring out what was going to happen next while I was writing the story. Life just got shittier and shittier during all this and then someone very dear to me suffered a near death situation, got hospitalised and all that. The whole thing felt way too close to what I was writing and (knowing at least the very end of what would happen at my story) I started writing more and more reluctantly, because what if that happens with us as well? (Yeah, the ending would and will be pretty angsty...)

Second, I changed a lot. My mind's a bit clearer and I started to plan out my life and where I'm going to head with me, myself and I.

Because of these (mostly the first part) I have decided that I am going to end the series, but do not threat! I am leaving it here, and I am going to finish it. In the future, if things get better around here, I am going to restart the series. Write the whole thing once again, but now planned out and (hopefuly) depicted more clearly. I am sorry for this, but I feel like if I would continue it now, it would feel like a drag and wouldn't be the best I could make it. And it would really fucking hurt if I somehow predicted what would happen, and wrote it for anyone to see how miserable it all turned out.

If you still want to see me write, feel free to send asks and everything you want because I won't stop writing, just SMFH.

I am deeply sorry and I do promise, that if it turns out good in the end I will return with it. I hope you all can forgive me.

[inbabylontheywept]

so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.

the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.

i had like, fifteen raw eggs.

i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.

except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.

so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.

[kiwi]

as a former escape room host i highly recommend doing an escape room as a first date. its a great way to learn how ppl react under pressure and how well they collaborate with you right off the bat. also more than once ive seen people enter an escape room as a couple and exit broken up LOL its a fantastic litmus test

[varpusvaras]

It has been way over a decade since this happened, so some details are a little blurry, but I still have to tell this story here too:

So, my dad's colleague was on a trip with their friends, who were a couple. Now, the wife of this couple was a huge U2 fan, and the highlight of this trip was going to a U2 concert. Later that night, after the concert, they went to a restaurant, and who do they see there at another table? Bono. The wife wants so badly to go and ask for an autograph, but in a typical Finnish fashion, she doesn't want to be a bother because surely Bono just wants to enjoy his night and not be surrounded by fans all the time, so she doesn't go.

Then, she notices that someone from Bono's table gets up and goes to the men's restroom, so she also gets up and goes to wait outside the men's room, until the guy comes out. She then stops him and goes excuse me, I saw that you were at the same table as Bono, would it be in any way possible that you could ask for an autograph from him for me? (because apparently it is much less mortifying to bother someone else you don't know than to bother the guy directly, I guess).

The man apparently kinda stands there for a moment, just looking at her, before he asks, sounding just a tad bit confused, if he heard her right. You want me to go and ask Bono for an autograph for you?

Yes, she says. She's being very polite about it. If you would be so kind. That would be great.

The man says yes, sure, I'll see what I can do about it.

They then part ways and go back to their own tables and continue the night, and some time later, they notice that Bono and the rest of the people who had been at that table have left.

Oh well, the wife thinks. No can do, maybe he just forgot or something or just didn't want to do it. It's okay.

They finish up their meal and ask for the bill. The waiter tells them that their meal has already been paid for, and then tells that they were left with two notes.

The waiter gives them the notes. They are both autographs. One of them says Bono.

And the other says Bruce Springsteen.

[evercelle]

it was all so simple then

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

autograph exchange

[longsightmyth]

"The problem is people don't read classics anymore"

No I think the problem is people don't read WIDELY. The ONLY ya and/or fantasy romance crowd is just as insufferable as the ONLY classics crowd or the ONLY litfic crowd or the ONLY nonfiction crowd and vice versa.

You gotta get some variety in there my guys

[aesethewitch]

When I was a kid, we moved into a house that had a huge lilac tree out front. It was mostly rotten, and it needed to be taken down before it fell. It took a while, but eventually, it was gone.

Mostly. A couple years later, little lilac babies popped out of the ground in its place. My mom was determined to get rid of them, because she'd planted a beautiful flower garden there, and the lilac trees would overshadow and kill the whole garden. I insisted on saving at least a few saplings. She said fine, but I had to dig them out and put them in pots myself.

So, I did. I spent days digging little lilac bushes out of the ground and putting them into pots. Some couldn't be saved, but some could. When all was said and done, I had five brand-new lilac saplings. Seven or eight years old, and it was my absolute pride and joy.

Three died due to sun scorching, severe drought that no amount of watering could save, and perhaps just being moved from their place in the ground. But two survived, and I was awfully proud of them! I'd go out and talk to them every single day. I watered them by hand and made sure they were fertilized properly. I learned all about their favored environments, and I was determined to make sure they lived.

One of my mom's friends saw what I was doing with the lilacs. She asked if she could have one to put in her backyard, and I agreed on the condition that she take very, very good care of it.

It's now fucking enormous. I'm talking ten feet tall and bursting with beautiful purple flowers every spring. My mom still gets updates each year as they start to bloom, which she forwards to me. And all I can think is, "That's my friend! Thriving some twenty years on, there it is."

The other tree nearly died, too. It lived in a pot for far, far too long. I wanted to plant it somewhere in my parents' yard, but my mom was reluctant. Eventually, we agreed to put it in the far back garden. It grew okay for many years, despite the shade, but in all these years, it's never bloomed.

Last year, the massive tree casting massive shadows over the lilac and the garden cracked in half and fell. It tumbled into the garden, crushing part of the nearby shed and destroying a few plants beneath it.

It missed my lilac by inches.

The clean-up is long done. The rest of the tree has been cut down, and my lilac has full sunlight for the first time in fifteen years. It won't bloom this year, I know. But it's got new shoots up. It's taller than ever. I spent half an hour a few weeks ago praising it for surviving all this time, dreaming about its future and telling it how I believe it'll become the tall beauty it's always been meant to be.

I think next year, I'll see flowers.

[mosstrades]

THE FRAMING. CAUGHT BETWEEN TWO OF HER. OH GOD.

[hillhomed]

and they were the best of friends forever

[platoapproved]

louis + cruelty

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Hey now, Let her cook!

[aficionadoenthusiast]

jason's 13 years at the super disciplined camp and several years as a leader of said camp mean it is very unlikely that he is any shade of feral, except for maybe a few minor idiosyncracies that all camp jupiter kids have because they all spent time at the wolf house, but since they all have these traits, they might be considered cultural rather than feral. however, annabeth chase, who was famously left alone until she was seven and was raised by an ancient greek horse man that used to live alone on a mountain, a barely sober god of mental illness, several other mythical beings based on animals, and approximately 37 different traumatized, exhausted, and desperate teenagers at an unregulated summer camp where she learned how to be scary by studying greek monsters, would definitely be somewhere near feral.

[uncanny-tranny]

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.