#a binder can only do so much
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Me: I should cosplay this genshin character
Also me: but man titty window
#genshin#cosplay#cosplayer problems#I cosplay Kaeya and that’s really pushing it#like I want to do kaveh but I’m not that confident#a binder can only do so much#Kaeya#kaveh#Cyno#itto#Gorou#razor genshin#I know some of these are up and shirtless but my point still stands#or they have crop tops#whatever#shikanoin heizou#he’s got the low arm holes on his shirt#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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gary’s twin sister, nadine!!
i’m a sucker for the bonnie & neddy episode :’)
#stravacious#i imagine gary dyed his hair pink bc it’s her favorite and then she wanted it done too#they’d interact with each other a bit more in this world#in at canon bonnie kinda just locks him in a basement bc that’s all she can do but like. nadine needs to eat#i picture it more like he is her only safe person#she freaks out about other people so gary doesn’t bring anyone over#she might be a tablet girlie#sorry if this is too ‘miku binder jefferson’ to ppl out of the at canon loop#their gum lullaby is just some rlly cute song their mom used to sing before she died#in my last at post i mentioned that they lived w their shitty aunt georgia (uncle gumbald) before gary moved them out#maybe she’s the reason nadine hates other ppl so much#adventure time#fionna and cake#gary prince
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How I imagine myself (aka want to be)
Vent in the tags (sorry in advance)
#Honestly almost cried while sketching this#I feel so stupid#Like why did I agree to wait until i'm 25 to transition#Oh wait I know#Because I love my parents to much and they only really support me if I a) am 25 or b) my mental health is really really bad#Also it's that part of my mind that's doubting everything. That it's just a phase. That i'm not actually transmasc#Also the psychologist I used to go to supported the idea to wait till 25 and was talking about some whos she knew#And how that girl wanted to be a boy but she got a boyfriend and she didn't want to anymore#Or that boy who wanted to be a girl but later found his identity and was secure in his agab#And she kept saying/asking; “Would you be able to accept to be just a manly woman??” And similar questions#And I know it's stupid but because of it I just keep questioning myself over and over#Because now i'm especially scared it's something I grow out off#But I just want to look in a mirror and be happy#And while I do like my clothing. I want other stuff but I feel goddam dysphoric in that#Only things I can change about me is piercings and my hair but even that is something my parents aren't really keen of#Atleast the length is something they are okay with but if it's kinda more a “”man's style“” and I hear only “oh my god it's so manly"#Honestly I just hate that i'm to scared to do anything about it#All the while I suffer#cause I just cant get out of the house without a binder. Always checking how my profile looks like. Crying when its not how I want it to be#Or almost crying when my mom says “that size is better for a girl like you because other wise it looks boyish” even when I confided in her#transmasc#transgender#trans artwork#Trans#Artists on tumbr#Lgbt#my art <3#my own post
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don’t want top surgery but do wish i could just remove them temporarily sometimes. sometimes you need a shirt to lay flat for the gender
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#i am slowly trying to reach some kind of balance for being an adult#its just taking so long#even now i just realised i need a lot more sweaters after i moved countries cause its so cold here#and i only now bought some binders cause i still dont have every i need#and i need gloves cause its freezing and thick socks#but i dont have enough money to buy it all at once#im also trying to sort out my home in a way i can try to keep it clean#but im also in a HEAVY burn out and im only doing tiny steps or none#cause sometimes i only have enough spoons to clean just to decent level after a week#i cant wait till i have all of the basic stuff i need#and have everything set up#im also getting sick#so im trying to avoid that and rest as much as i can#at least i can grab a nice sandwich to have after my shift and a pastry for later too#so that saves me some money and some cooking#also the customers tip so well i can buy myself a little treat every week or every few days#i bought a book today from tips ❤#personal
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i want mac and cheese but i dont want to have to get up and walk over to the house and make it. sigh... suffering....
#also idk if we have water for me to boil my noodles.#because weve had no water for like 2 weeks now so itd have to be from the drinking water and idk if thats empty rn too#but i want my noodles !!! sigh..................................#on the topic of not having water. were supposed to get a water delivery tomorrow and im soo fuckin excited because i havent had an actual s#actual shower or done laundry in about two weeks. ive been washing my hair in my sink#since the cabin has a separate water tank from the house so i do have some water out here#and doing wash cloth sink baths#but i have like. no clean clothes. ive washed a couple shirts and binders in the sink but like. it can only do so much lmao#ghost.txt
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Considering starting a gofundme or something for top surgery bc I genuinely cannot keep living like this
#quacking#my fibromyalgia makes wearing any sort of binder or bra excruciating but my chest is too big to not wear one#and my degree is for an industry in a recession so the only work I can get is physically demanding#which makes my pain worse so it’s compounding to hell and at this point sleeping or just existing is hard#but how many hours I can work is super limited bc of my fibro and I’ve got a fuckton of loans so saving up isn’t possible#trans tape has been impossible to do alone with my size and I fucked up too much to have a usable amount left#and I can’t really afford more#I can’t keep going like this my quality of life is so bad#and my family doesn’t give a shit so I’m on my own and I just. don’t know what to do#a gofundme probably wouldn’t even work but I don’t know what other options I really have yknow#sorry for the vent I’m just 🫠
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I've been making worksheets to map out thoughts for different situations and they've been really helpful for my adhd and chronic illness brainfog. I might put them up on kofi eventually idk.
#wrenfea.exe#probably for like. $3ish a worksheet depending on complexity and how many times I had to revise it#i tried to get into bullet journaling but it was too much#so now i use worksheets in a binder that i carry around#i was actually a great student bc i had guidance on how to take notes and learn#so im doing that again for myself#bc information thoughts and ideas can be overwhelming and it makes me not able to get anything done#theres some worksheets online but they're like..only for adhd and a lot are only for college students
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Ramblings in tags
#do you ever just get like??? paralyzed by how many things you COULD do???#like hi i have a job that shouldn't fuck with my disability too much#so now i can actually have a little bit of extra money at the end of the month to have fun with instead of only paying bills#i genuinely don't think I've had anything extra for like??? months???#like there's so much I wanna get and even though I haven't gotten paid yet it's just. killing me#like i wanna get a dog to hopefully train to be a service dog right??#but i also wanna get an actual drawing tablet so I don't have to only draw on my phone#BUT ALSO i need shit like a new binder since my current binders are 4+ years old#but yet again i wanna upgrade my room a bit and get some posters and some new blankets#again I just!! don't fucking know what to do first!!#this isn't a vent or anything im just like. stuck. mentally#theres just so much shit to do and buy#like i wanted to buy a new videogame a few weeks ago but I ended up needing to pay a bit extra in bills#OUUUUGHGHHH#there is. so much. to do#and i know i already said I'd spend the money on going on that trip#but thats really far off so i don't have to pay for that stuff first#plus i also genuinely need to think about if i wanna go or not
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Somedays I wish I had more control over my adhd.
I don't want to get rid of it. No. I just want more control over it. I know there are "solutions" but sometimes it would be nice to just have a magic wand that lets me turn on and off the sparkle in my brain so that I can do my homework and then turn it back on so I can have my personality when I am with friends
#adhd#vent#i dont like to vent on here much anymore but i felt like it today#again yes i know medicine and therapy helps#and i have medicine and i used to do therapy#but at some point that can only help so much#and if i hear 1 more person say “get a binder” or “just do your work its not that hard” im going to scream#because adhd means I have an impulse control deficit due to a dopamine level deficit so i seak the thrill of impulse#to try and make up the lack of dopamine#and homework takes away the dopamine#so i just doing homework is more difficult than it should be#this is something i should remember when I am a teacher#so no student of mine feels that pain of homework when they have me
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So most recipes for watercolor binder recommend using clove essential oil for its antimicrobial and antifungal properties (so your paints dont start growing mold)
Well I could not find clove oil for a reasonable price anywhere near me
I did however find cinnamon essential oil at walmart
So I did some digging and cinnamon oil can be used in place of clove oil for antimicrobial and antifungal properties. SO im not sure why all the watercolor binder recipes that tell you to use essential oil specify clove oil. I thought maybe other oils might make the paint weird? But I figured it was worth a shot to try the cinnamon oil. So far the paint seems to work just fine and its hardening nicely.
So if youre making watercolor binder but can't find clove oil (and you want to have an essential oil in there for the added antifungal properties) just know that any with antimicrobial and antifungal properties are likely ok to use. (This note isn't the point of this post I just feel the need to put it cuz I had a very confusing week of digging around online to figure out if I could substitute clove oil for another type of oil because literally every single recipe that recommended using an essential oil said CLOVE oil which makes me think that clove oil must have something about it that makes it different from other essential oils with antimicrobial and antifungal properties thats making all these other people use it specifically and was finding NOTHING and decided to just say "fuck it" and see what happens-.....anyway.)
This has had the lovely effect of making my paints smell very strongly of cinnamon
Which is definitely an upgrade from how I imagine they wouldve smelled had i not added essential oil at all. The gum arabic solution smelled very bad lol. The cinnamon oil helped quite a lot.
#like. besties. i am autistic. if you tell me to use a specific thing. and it gets repeated over and over to use that specific thing#im going to assume theres something about that thing that is necessary or that a substitute would fuck it up somehoe#unless you specifically add a note that substitutions are ok#i was so worried that substituting cinnamon oil would fuck it up somehow#EVEN AFTER RESEARCHING AND FINDING NOTHING THAT CINNAMON OIL AND CLOVE OIL BOTH HAVE SIMILAR#ANTIFUNGAL AND ANTIMICROBIAL PROPERTIES#AND CONFIRMING THAT ALL THE CLOVE OIL IS DOING IS ADDING THOSE PROPERTIES AND ALSO MAKING IT SMELL BETTER#anways highly recommend cinnamon oil for watercolor binder#not the best quality watercolors i have (those would be the viviva color sheets) but definitely the best smelling ones lol#also i didnt need nearly as much binder as i thought i would for the amount of eyeshadow i had#so now i need to ask around to see if anyone i know that wears makeup has some expired eyeshadow (or eyeshadow that they dont use#cuz most of the people i know dont wear very bright colors and so if theres any of those in their pallettes they dont get used)#that way i can use up the rest of my binder#cuz most of the recipes i found say it only stays good for about a week in the fridge#thankfully i only used half the gum arabic#so i can make more at some point if i want
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not to stop being fun and cool and chill on main but i’ve been super dysphoric about my chest lately and it’s really starting to get to me
#i spent the last two hours looking up bra stuff ™#i’ve never had one that fits and i’ve tried binders too but i don’t like the squish ™ plus they’re super uncomfortable for me#so now i’m looking at ‘minimizing’ bra’s#like i don’t mind my chest i’m ok with like it being there— but everything i wear accentuates then and i hate it so much#like#i have a big band/cup size but smaller rib cage and waist so like#anything i wear really draws attention to my chest and i do not vibe with that at ALL#all i wear are graphic tees too so like if the print is in a weird place it makes it even WORSE#like the last time i was fitted was 9th grade and i went from an A to a D Then a D to a DDD/G and now I’m looking at H and I#i hate it here#they’re so fucking heavy too like#the only acceptable reason to even have these at this point is if a pretty person offers to hold them for me#i was looking up reductions straight up recently#the way i feel about gender and my relationship with being nb makes me think about this a lot and idk who else can relate but#i want LESS of a chest but i don’t want it gone completely you feel? like not quite top surgery but like…. less#like i will even take like AVERAGE bra size like i don’t care im cool with a C#just not this duo planet ORBIT i have currently#like i said sorry to rant but it’s really bothering me today#plus like anything that even remotely fits or feels comfortable is so expensive.#luckily i found some cheaper brands that don’t make me feel horrible#i thank adoreme every day of my life fr
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the mixture of "body has always hurt and heart has always been a little too fast with exercise" and "quarantine which meant i didnt go anywhere or do anything" and "my friends are all in college so i dont have anyone to hang out with and i Hate being Outside Alone" and "mentally illness" and "its been a really hot summer and the heat makes me feel like im gonna keel over and die on the sidewalk" has really ravaged my body. but they dont know. i dont know how to start slow about it like the people say
#yes. i could go for a walk. the safest place to walk near me is a giant hill that everyone who's walked it with me says it sucks#the ground is uneven and steep which means my effed up calves get sooooo upset so much faster#also errmmm. cant wear my binder because ill Die but cant Not wear my binder bc im out in public and ill Die#and everytime i go “ok ill just walk a really little bit” i end up walking way more then a little bit#do not let the guy with a power-thru-the-pain-as-punishment mindset go for a walk he will push himself too much and then#badda bing badda boom. 3 days of terrible pain and exhaustion#they dont know ive never been athletic and its always hurt so getting thru gym did create such a mindset about it#but i cant say the pain is particularly motivating#in fact id say it does the opposite#WHATEVRR!!!!!!!!#when it stops being 90 degrees (ALMOST IN OCTOBER BTW) itll all be fine at least then i wont pass out#i just need 70 degrees#i need 70 degrees so bad#anyways. idk maybe itll get better when i get a car and i can drive to a park or something#ive grown up being told this area isnt safe + had some Very vivid nightmares sooo. as u can imagine#definitely dont have it in me to take full care of a dog and i would get No Help with it + we have a cat + we live in a small space#but imagine if i had a dog to walk. thatd probably be awesome#i wouldnt be alone#the only person im around is my dad dawg and he cant walk very much either
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i need to start testosterone incredibly soon before i die
#dook dook#whimper whimper in tags#i wish being around people who didnt give a fuck abt me and hated me for being transgender didnt fuck with my head so much#i go 'oh. i guess i should live as a woman' and then get so upset and distraught i can barely function#i love wearing my binder until im called ma'am over and over and then i feel like. whats the point.#whats the point of living as a man and loving myself and being happy if no matter what i do in order to even TRY to pass doesnt matter.#i wish i could just be like. well i dont pass NOW but i will in the future#but ive been saying that since i was 14 and i only ever look more and more like a woman and i feel so ugly#i couldnt even be a cute woman. i have to be ugly
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bro i remember being young and my grandma telling me if i dont learn to clean my room then i wont do it when im older. while there is some truth there what she did not account for was the audhd
#hated cleaning bc i didnt have proper places for stuff#my grandma would clean my room for me when she deemed it too bad which meant shoving everything out of sight and#throwing away what she thought was trash#now i can actually fucking designate places for my stuff where i can trust it will stay there and i desire to keep the place clean bc it#puts me in a better headspace#the demand avoidance though! the object permanance issues! the executive dysfunction!#now i can avoid all of those by 1. taking adderall LOL but also#putting things in plan sight#the only things that go in drawers are things that have specific or regular use#like i have drawers for my art supplies#clothes in drawers kitchen stuf fin cabinets etc#but stuff that can easily be forgotten i keep in plain sight#i keep a binder with all our important documents#its just much easier starting from scratch with a place and being able to actually learn to manage my self and posessions#plus adderall. ithonestly helps create new coping skills though likeim still adhd on it but i can regulate better which means forming#pathways and stuff#idk!#i love sharing a place with people who at least have a certain respect for my things#even if the roommate that isnt my husband doesnt have housekeeping sense god gave a goose (<- stole that one from my great grandma)#i mean good lord ive never seen anyone go so long without cleaning#Anything#At All. Ever.#like BRO MY HUSBAND AND I BOTH HAVE ISSUES WITH DEPRESSION AND EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING AND IMPULSE MANAGEMENT#BUT WE DO NOT BUY DELIVERY ALMOST EVERYDAY THEN COME UP SHORT ON RENT!!!!!!#nor does our room emanate a Stink#nor do we habitually leave trash out without (also habitually) picking it up#like i get it yk? but in common areas dont leave your trash around Constant#i get a wrapper or box on the counter or whatev.. but you just do a pass through occasionaly where you pick your stuff up and throw it away#or at least get it in one place#idk how i got into this my roommate pisses me off. also the type of motherfucker to have opportunity stare him in the face and reject it
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moanin' & groanin' | logan howlett
pairing/AU: lumberjack!logan howlett/wolverine x inexperienced!female!reader
summery: working for your father's timber business isn't what you saw yourself doing, but when the wolverine comes looking for work it's suddenly not so bad – especially when he can teach you a thing or two.
warnings: this is an 18+ fic so mdni! age gap (in the way that his mutant abilities prolongs his life), swearing, use of pet names, smut, car sex, praise, a little dacryphilia, logan's got a dirty mouth, soft dom!logan, a little size kink (basically logan has a big dick), handjob, fingering, a little manhandling, unprotected sex (don't do it!!), no use of y/n
a/n: um hi! this is my first ever logan fic. i really hope i got him right! not beta read, and barely edited so any mistakes are my own. happy reading! <3
main masterlist / ao3
The pages crinkled under your fingertips as you turned another page. Over the top of your book you could see your father's men milling about, getting the timber ready for another outgoing truck. Day in and day out they worked like flannel-covered ants.
He wasn't here, your father, leaving you to hold down the fort, or office to be precise, as he ran errands. "I'll be back before lunch," he'd told you, a hand passing through the sleeve of his tan Carhartt.
The office felt bigger when he wasn't here, like his neuroticism took up twice as much space as he did himself. You looked around the room. It was small, more like a hut than anything else, raised up on cinderblocks. A tiny kitchen lined the front wall, the refrigerator had given out once this month already and something smelled like it had died in there, the white florescent light under the wall cabinets gave you a headache, and the tap drip drip dripped. The table and the mismatched chairs, your father had found at a fleamarked years ago, before you were born most likely, and they wore the wear and tear of years of use.
Every available surface was covered in papers, and the wooden shelves on the wall dipped in the middle from the weight of the binders. When you were little you'd been afraid the wood would break in two, but they were still standing (hanging?) – maybe they'd stay like that for the rest of eternity for all you knew. Your father's office had only one desk, which made your job as occasional office manager and full-time problem solver, problematic.
Your father would sit in his chair on one side, while you'd steal one of the mismatched chairs and occupy the other end. If you'd had your way, you wouldn't be working here. The timber business interested you just as much as your father was interested in the disco they played on the radio. "If it ain't the king of rock I don't want to hear it," he usually said and switched the channel.
But the town was small, and no one was hiring. The summer after you'd finished high school you'd dreamt of moving to the city, but the money had been tight and your father needed you. At least the work, if your father didn't meddle, was relatively easy: answer the phone, type out the invoices and salaries, keep an eye on logistics, and make sure whatever breaks gets fixed.
The radio hummed at a low volume, one of the singles from Tapestry, as you turned another page of your book. Leaning back in your father's office chair, you glanced at the clock over the door. He should be back by now. Just as the thought crossed your mind, the door swung open.
"Did you need something?" you asked, your book dipping down in your lap.
Logan raised an eyebrow at you as he walked into the office on heavy steps, that damn cigar hanging out the side of his mouth. "Nice to see you too, princess," he poked jokingly, tugging at his gloves, one finger at a time, and tucking them into his leather belt.
He sported the same outfit he usually wore; bootcut jeans, a white t-shirt under his flannel and a thicker wool-lined jacket. He must've been sweating in here with that on.
Autumn had claimed the trees and ground months ago, but this morning the frost had covered the ground and bit at the apples of your cheeks. Your breath had come out in swirling plumes when you'd locked yourself in this morning; the first glints of the sun peeking through the windows as it rose over the mountains. The first thing you'd done was crank the heater, and now as you approached midday, you'd shed your sweater long ago while the windows had fogged with condensation.
The smallest of frowns tugged at your brows, as a heat prickled up your neck to your cheeks. Logan made you a little nervous– not in a bad way, but in a way where your thoughts would wander in his presence, conjuring up scenarios of him and yourself in… comprising positions. Okay, maybe it was in a bad way. But who could blame you when he walked around like that?
He'd arrived only a few months ago, at the tail end of the summer, looking for work. He was strong, stronger than any of the other men working for your father, and although the work was hard, it seemed like he never tired. You didn't know much about him and he kept mostly to himself, hidden away in a cabin up in the mountain, but sometimes you'd see him down at the local bar, nursing a glass of whiskey in one hand and a lit cigar in the other. More than once you'd seen him chatting up Kayla Silverfox, and more than once you'd wished it was you in her place.
"Oof," Logan groaned as he opened the fridge, grabbing his packed lunch and closing it as fast as he could. You appreciated him for that; whatever had died in there should stay in there.
"Yeah," you said, "I'm not cleaning that again, not even for a million bucks."
"Can't blame ya."
He looked to the table for a second where the guys usually ate their lunches, before he decided to take your usual chair at your father's desk. As he sat down, you pushed the ash tray to his side of the desk, earning you a short smile in thanks as he rested his cigar. It wasn't unusual for him to talk to you on his breaks.
So, why did you heart beat so fast in your chest?
Because it was the first time you'd been alone.
"So, where's your old man?" he asked and bit into the sandwich he'd packed in an old newspaper.
"Running errands– he should be back soon…" you trailed off.
Logan hummed non-committedly. "So, you're in here sittin' pretty readin' your book while we're out in the cold slavin' away– maybe I should become the boss' daughter."
"Well, it's not easy," you sighed, feigning confidence, "and you gotta be pretty first of all," you front teeth dug into your bottom lip as you tried to hide your nervousness.
"That's true," he grinned, "I ain't got nothin' on you, princess."
Logan held your gaze with intent, and it was like something in the air shifted. It happened sometimes with Logan, like he had this power beaming from him that sucked you in. Erratic wings fluttered in your stomach, and you had to drop your gaze.
"So, how's the book?" he asked, taking another bite of his sandwich.
"Eh," you shrugged, dog-earing the page your were on, before throwing the beat-up paperback on the table. "Too many plot twists– first they're on earth, then there's this virus spreading– so they have to move all of humanity to the moon, but then there's this species that lives under the surface of the moon who they start a war with, but one of the main characters are in love with a moonie– that's what they call them– so, now they're in love and trying to stop the war and…" you shrugged again.
Logan chewed slowly as he nodded his head. "Sounds complicated," he decided, making you let out a small laugh.
"I guess so."
A grin washed over Logan's face at your small laugh, and you felt his gaze roll over you, over your exposed skin. When he looked at you like that, like a predator drooling for a meal, you felt a small damp spot stick to your panties. You watched as his nostrils widened, his jaw clenching shut as a pulsing vein protruded from his neck.
"So, science fiction," he started, clearing his throat, "Didn't know you liked that," he continued between the last bites of his sandwich
"Some kid at the library recommended it," you shrugged, "so I thought I'd try it out. And it's not like it's that far from the truth– we've got mutants."
Logan crumbled the newspaper hard and quick, the sharp sound making you jump. "Yeah," he said, and stood to his feet, "That's true."
He grabbed his burnt out cigar, and threw the ball of newspaper in the trash. You started to wonder if you'd said something wrong, but then he said, "Your father's back," and not even a second later you could see your dad's old truck pull up outside the window.
How did he even know that?
"Logan– wait," the words just fell out of your mouth before you could even think them through. He hovered by the door, raising a questioning eyebrow at you.
You could be brave– Just say it!
"Come by later would you? Before you leave for the day– I have something for you."
A gush of cold air blew in with the arrival of your father. He almost crashed right into Logan on his way out, nearly knocking him down the wooden steps. You thought you could glimpse a small nod from Logan, but he was out the door so fast you couldn't be sure.
The rest of the day went by slowly as a growing anxiety gnawed at your neck. With your dad back you slipped out to borrow the car, driving into town to pick up some lunch at the local diner. It was routine at this point, something you did without thinking, but today your thoughts couldn't stay still. You were pulling up outside the office when you realized you'd driven the whole way with the radio off.
What was even your plan?
You wished you were better at this. You could pretend, sure, put on a brave face to hide the nerves from surfacing, but how do you get a man like that to go for a girl like you?
You felt non the wiser when the sun had dipped below the mountains and he finally knocked on the office door. Your dad had left thirty-minutes earlier, stranding you at work with no way to get home.
If this didn't go well, you didn't look forward to walking home.
"What 's it you wanted, princess," Logan asked, leaning against the frame of the door with one knee popped. Your eyes couldn't help but run down the length of him – his broad shoulders, the bulge hidden below his big belt buckle, and the veins of his exposed arms as he slung his jacket over his shoulder.
"Oh, um," you tried to shake your thoughts, and you rummaged the desk for the envelope. "Here," you said as you found it, stretching your hand out for him to take it.
He pushed off the door frame with a raised eyebrow, the cold air from the open door taking with it the warmth of the office. "What's this?" he questioned, taking the envelope from your hand.
"It's your check– for this month's work," you explained.
His raised eyebrow pulled into a frown, "This is a week early," he questioned, "and I usually get these sent in the mail."
"Oh, I-I just thought I'd give it to you personally this time," you lied, fitting a shrug at the end for good measure, trying to sell how completely normal and nonchalant you were.
Logan raised a skeptic eyebrow at you, and you suddenly felt really really stupid. In your chest your heart could compete with a hummingbird's.
"Really?" he said with a smile before he dropped his chin, "Can I appreciate a little extra something in here, or…?" he trailed off, waving the envelope.
Letting out a shaky inaudible breath, you tried in your flirtiest voice, "Maybe if you give me a ride home…"
...................
The lights from the town below looked like stars scattered over the night sky, the yellow light of the roads connected them like on a string. You knew that Logan knew where you lived; the town was small, and even with the short time he'd spent here, it wasn't hard to get familiar. He'd stopped at the lookout point, about half-way up the mountain road. It was nice in the daytime, with a nice view of the town, the mountain and rivers, but at night it attracted a different kind of crowd: lovers. It was cheesy, and cliché, but clichés were clichés for a reason.
The Led Zeppelin tape whirled, and the music stopped.
Suddenly you felt nervous, fingers picking at a loose tread on your sweater. Logan leaned forward to flip the cassette, and his truck filled with a sound of organ, like you were back in church. When he leaned back he slung his arm over your seat. You watched how he spread his legs, getting comfortable, as his eyes found your face.
Under the wool, your heart picked up its beat.
In a brave move you shifted closer, the leather seat moaning under you, as a pleased smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. His big palm snaked around your shoulder, curling you closer to him until his lips caught your own. You only hesitated for a second before your hand found his neck, where your fingers tugged lightly at the hair at the nape of his neck.
A low growl huffed against your lips, and he deepened the kiss, pressing himself roughly against you as he licked into your mouth. You couldn't help the small whimper escaping you. His touch was rough, almost impatient, but tender all at the same time, and you felt yourself fall apart.
The air stuck to your skin, clammy and sticky with arousal and now you started to get impatient. With a loud smack you broke apart, your lips raw and spent from use as you caught your breath. A rough hand cupped your cheek, the pad of his thumb skated gently over your skin as he tilted your head towards him.
"Such a pretty little thing," he mused. His eyes had gone dark, pupils huge and filled with lust; yours must've looked about the same as they rolled down his body. He shifted closer to you, pushing you closer to the door, and you got a better view of the bulge hidden behind his jeans.
Your heartbeat pounded in your ears, clogging up the sounds around you like you were underwater, pushing at your thoughts at the back of your mind. Logan moved with such ease, each touch natural and easy, like he'd done them a thousand times. Not like you, with only your short-lived high school boyfriend under your belt.
"Hey," he shook your head gently, "Where you goin', bub?"
"I'm sorry," you whispered, a heat coating the apples of your cheeks.
He shook his head, his face surprisingly tender for someone so rough, "Tell me, baby."
"I'm just…" you trailed of, trying to find your words, "I'm a little nervous– I haven't done this much," you said, avoiding his gaze.
"That's sweet, bub." The pad of his thumb rubbed the pet name into your skin as he leaned forward to catch your lips in a soft kiss, "But I wouldn't worry that pretty little head of yours 'bout it."
His breath was hot against your own, and an ache started to spread between your legs. The hand on your cheek travelled downwards to tug at your jacket, and you parted only for a second to rid yourself of it, but before you could lock your lips with his again he grabbed at your hands.
"I'll teach ya," he told you and guided your hands to his broad form.
He let you touch him as he shucked off his jacket, your fingers dancing over the soft flannel. He was solid beneath your fingers, hard muscles from hard work. A patch of dark hair curled at his chest, peeking out beneath his white shirt, and you found yourself wondering where it lead.
Curling his hand around your wrist, he guided your hand lower; down over his chest where you could feel the solid form of him. His bronze belt buckle burned you like ice, but the heat of him as he pressed your hand to the hard bulge beneath the buckle burned even brighter.
"You feel that?" He looked you straight in the eyes. He pressed your hand down harder and you could feel the shape of him against your hand, hard and thick, and big. You barely managed a nod through the wave of heat coating your cheeks.
"That's because of you, princess." His voice was low, almost like a growl, as he started to guide your hand to rub over the thick length.
"Me?" you questioned, breathless.
"Yes, you," he chuckled, a heavy hand petting at your head. "D'you want to take it out? Stroke it f'me?"
"Please," you begged, looking at him with moony eyes through your lashes.
"So polite f'me," he mused, his hands tugging at his belt before he popped the button on his jeans. Slipping off your shoes, you crawled up into the seat, sitting back on your knees as you watched him pull at his jeans. Peeking out from under the denim, you could see a dark patch of hair.
Logan was in no rush, revealing only an inch at a time of the base of his cock, making a show of it as the tension rose. A wave of tickling arousal washed over you, and it made you brave, reaching a trembling hand forward, you helped him tug at the fabric.
At last his cock sprung free.
You felt your eyes widen at the sight, as you involuntarily squeezed your thighs together. Even with your limited experience, you knew he was bigger than most. The thick length of his cock bobbed from the weight, hanging heavy between his legs. At the tip of his fat head, a drop of precum pearled, almost invisible in the dark truck.
"Come here, bub." He widened his legs as he reached out a strong arm for you, curling you into his shoulder.
"Put your hand on it," he ordered, "like this," he grabbed at your wrist and guided you hand towards his mouth. You let him move you around, eyes blown out and wide as you couldn't take your eyes off his impressive cock.
A wet blob of spit pulled you from your thoughts, it drew the slightest frown over your face until he guided your palm, now coated in his spit, to his cock.
Under your palm his skin was silky soft, but hard and firm at the same time. You found yourself mesmerized at the sight of your hand around him as you familiarized yourself with the heaviness of him in your hand.
"There ya go–" he cut himself off with a groan as you formed a fist around the head of him. Your fingers struggled to reach around him, but it didn't seem like Logan minded much when you moved downwards smearing his spit over his shaft in an experimental tug.
"That's it, good girl, just like that."
A warmth bloomed in your chest at the praise, wrapping itself around your heart. You wanted him to say it again– to be good for him. So, you reached forward with your other hand, wrapping it around the base as the other formed a fist around the head. Another pearl of precum beaded at the tip, and you took the opportunity to skate your thumb over it, massaging it into his spit.
A growl seemed to get caught in Logan's throat, and still riding off your high that the praise had sown in you, you started to pump his cock in slow strokes. A slick sound escaped under your fists with each stroke, and you watched how his head fell back in pleasure.
"Am-am I doing it right?" you asked, voice barely above a whisper.
At the sound of your voice, Logan sat up straighter, a heavy hand falling over your back to pull you closer. "You're a natural, princess."
You couldn't contain the smile from coating your lips as he brought you in for another searing kiss. It was hot, and suffocating, and all-consuming, all at the same time. It clouded your mind, and you forgot what your hands were supposed to be doing.
Logan's hand travelled down your body, his big palm grabbing at your ass. "Take of your pants," he ordered against your lips, "Panties too," underlining his order with a couple of light slaps to the flesh.
Shuffling out of his hold, you fingered at the button of your pants, pulling at them and your panties as quickly as you could. Goosebumps prickled over your exposed skin, the air suddenly frosty without Logan's touch – but that didn't last long.
The calloused pads of his fingers trailed up your thighs, pressing down into the flesh as he pulled you closer to him. "Come sit in my lap, princess."
He didn't wait for you to move, instead he manhandled you how he wanted. Spreading his legs wide apart he fit you between his legs, your back pressed against his hot chest with his hard and leaking cock caged against your ass.
"I'm gonna touch you now, baby, okay?" his deep voice whispered in your ear.
"Okay," you peeped, heart pounding in your ears at this new proximity.
He spread your legs, putting your wet and neglected cunt on display, hooking them over his knees. When his palms danced over your inner thighs, you felt yourself sink deeper into his chest, deeper into the safe scent of pine and man.
"Need to get you ready f'me, bub– stretch this tight cunt out for my big cock," he cooed.
You ached for him, a sticky wet feeling between your legs as you wished so badly for him to finally touch you. His touch was light, but teasing, drawing circles along the thin flesh, circling closer and closer to where you needed his touch the most, before he pulled away.
"Please," you whined, grabbing at his arm.
His breath felt hot against your neck, and you could feel the grin he pressed against your skin. He let you guide him upwards to hover his large palm over your mound, but he wouldn't let you have it. Instead, he pushed at your sweater. His hand spread across the skin beneath your belly button as prickled goosebumps followed the rough pads as they ran across your skin.
"Y'gonna feel me right here, bub?" he teased, "So deep inside your tummy?"
A whine caught in your throat and you felt like an exposed nerve. Arousal pulsated throughout your body, threatening to pull you apart unless he did something soon. Your neglected cunt dripped with an ache only he could sooth.
"Yes, please, Logan," you whined, tears threatening to spill.
His thick beard scraped against your cheek, and you almost trembled from anticipation as he slid his hands downwards. He raked his fingers through the curls of your mound, and a gasp fell from your lips when he finally pushed at your clit.
A wide smile reached across your face when he started to circle his fingers, tight with the perfect amount of pressure. Your hips bucked to meet his touch, your cunt eager and dripping for more of him. His other arm clasped around your middle, keeping your still and steady in his lap as he had his way with you.
A bold finger dipped lower, running through your folds and teasing at you entrance. A slick sound filled the car as he played with your cunt, circling his fingers around your hole, dipping a teasing finger inside you just to the first knuckle, before withdrawing it just as quickly.
"Such a messy pussy," Logan murmured in your ear, the deep bass of his voice vibrating into your skin. "Listen."
The sound as he played with your pussy was obscene, lewd, and so dirty you felt a heat crawl up your chest. A breathy gasp escaped you when he finally split you on his finger, and a satisfied smile coated your lips as he started to move it inside in a steady rhythm, prodding every so often at that spongy spot inside, the spot your own finger couldn't reach.
"F-feels s-so good," you managed to stutter out.
The heel of his palm pressed against your clit with every thrust, teasing at your insides and conjuring moan after breathy moan from your lips. He guided you closer and closer to the edge, and you wanted so badly to fall. When he pulled out to slide another finger inside you, you felt a tear roll down your cheek with satisfaction.
"I can feel that pussy clenching me– you close, bub?" he poked, never stopping his fingers.
Your head rolled back, resting heavy on his shoulder as you nodded franticly, mouth parted slightly, humming out small breathy whines. You were so close, the tension in your stomach twisting and aching for release.
But then he pulled his fingers, dragging them up over your mound leaving a wet trail in your curls. You couldn't help the disappointed sigh as more tears pressed their way down your cheeks.
"Shh," he hushed you, "you're okay, bub."
Under you, you felt him move, his strong muscles flexing as he shifted you on his lap. When you felt the blunt head of his cock slide between your folds, an eagerness came upon you. You grinded against him, making a small chuckle rumble from his chest. Logan slapped his heavy cock against your folds, coating his big cock in your slick arousal.
The first stretch of him knocked the breath right out of you, the fat tip of him splitting you in half as he helped you guide yourself down on him. You had to remember to breathe, your hand fumbling for something to hold on to.
"Fuck," you whimpered, eyes wide, "I-it's so big– it's t-too big."
His hand wrapped around your middle held you in place, keeping you still on his cock as you adjusted to the first inches of him inside you.
"It's not too big, princess, you're doing so well f'me," he praised, "just a little more, bub– you can do it."
With a wet whimper you lowered yourself, taking a couple more inches of him, as Logan pressed more fluttering praise into your skin. He let you take your time, easing yourself down on him at your own pace. When your thighs were finally flushed with his, he was so deep inside you, you jolted, trying to move back up, but Logan's hands held you down. You felt him in your tummy, like he'd said, his cock reaching so deep you were shaking.
"Sit still, get used to it," he told you, as you tried to catch your breath, "You're being so good f'me."
And somehow the burning stretch of him soothed away into a pleasurable pressure, one you couldn't help but chase. With an experimental rock of your hips, you felt the fat head of him prod at your spot, making you mewl. And when you started to swivel your hips, Logan groaned in satisfaction, meeting your movement with small thrusts.
Slowly, he picked up his rhythm, strong hands shifted to dig into your hips, holding you in place for him to move you as he wished. In your ear, you heard him growl, deep and animalistic as he fucked up into you.
It didn't take long until your breath came out fast between moans as the pressure built, and built, and built.
"Logan," you moaned, tethering right on the edge.
Another growl escaped his chest, as his strong arms hooked under your legs. He pressed them tightly to your body as he picked up his pace, bucking wildly into your eager cunt. You could feel him throb inside of you, and you couldn't help but clench at the thought of feeling him spill inside you, claiming you.
"Don't stop, please, don't stop," you begged, tears streaming down your face like two winding rivers, "I-I'm gonna come."
A hand slid between your legs to rub at your puffy clit, coaxing you closer and closer with winding circles.
"Come on my cock, baby, come all over that big cock."
It was hot, and blinding. Euphoric shocks pulsed through your body, as you fluttered and gushed around his cock. Logan's grip on your legs tightened as you shook violently with your orgasm – a million stars exploded behind your eyes.
"Oh, that's it, bub, such a good girl," he praised between heavy wet pants against your ear.
Fucking you through your ecstasy, Logan chased his own high at a relentless pace, and all you could do was take it, reduced to a ragdoll in his hands. In your ear he muttered nonsense interlaced with praise, telling you how good you felt, and how perfect you were for him.
With a deep groan he pulled out quickly, tugging at himself until he spilled his thick spend on the truck floor. With bleary eyes you watched how it pumped in quick spurts, dripping down his hand and soiled the knuckles in his own sticky cum.
Behind you, Logan breathed hard, nudging his nose against the column of your neck to press soft kisses to the hot skin.
A pair of bright headlights beamed down the road, pulling you from the moment with its blinding light. Logan helped you shift off his lap, reaching to hand you your discarded clothes before he tucked himself back into his jeans.
The cassette whirled in the car radio, and you couldn't remember when the music had stopped. Logan shifted back behind the wheel and an eerie silence grew in the distance between you.
"How 'bout I take you somewhere to eat?" he posed.
You smiled, "I could eat."
...................
hopefully this was okay? a comment telling me your favorite part is always welcome, and my ask box is always open to chat <3 and thank you for reading!!
© shellshocklove, 2024 i do not give any permission to repost, translate, feed to AI or redistribute any of my writing, with or without credit!
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