#Yes this is how I motivate myself to get stuff done-

[wayfinderships]

I WILL get this assignment done and I WILL get f/o kissies as a reward!

[milkoomi]

how to make finals your bitch. ᥫ᭡

- be at your best to give it your best -

hello angels! so it’s been almost 2 months since i’ve been active on here & it’s simply just been due to me focusing a lot of my time and energy into my academics, career, & personal life! i’m nearing the end of my program with my externship just being one month away! as with a lot of us, the spring semester is slowly but surely coming to an end! and that means finals are just around the corner! i wanted my “comeback” to be some of my helpful tips, tricks, & tidbits of advice for getting through finals and making sure you pass with flying colors!

also, thank you so so much for 1.2k!! i didn’t expect to gain such an influx of followers while i was gone! it means so much to me that so many of you have supported my blog even during my inactivity/unexpected hiatus! i can’t promise i’ll be coming back completely as i have my externship coming up, so i’ll be very busy the next few months! but i hope to continue to post every now and again for you angels!

let’s begin …

୨ৎ — pre-finals prep

it’s important to start prepping for finals in advance! finals may be 4-5 weeks away, but it never hurts to get a head start in your preparations!

create a checklist! — you can always start by making yourself a list or two for everything you need to get yourself prepared for that intimidating finals week! these lists could be a list of different study materials you’ll need, a list in order of priority of the different classes you need to study for, a list of supplies you’ll need to get yourself through the week (& yes, this can include snacks or any self-care stuff!), or even a list of different topics from your classes that you feel need a bit more of your attention! checklists are an amazing tool to use to keep yourself organized and can help you visual what needs to get done or what needs to be obtained!

plan out the weeks! — designate a day in your week where you take some time to plan out your weeks prior to finals week and the week of! include time blocks where you set aside time to study and time to take breaks and rest your mind & body! add small, achievable to-do lists for each day or a bigger, more broad one for each week! weekly planning can give you a tangible idea of what your weeks leading up to finals and the week of will look like, so don’t hesitate to give it a try or incorporate that into your weekly routine!

tina’s tip: utilize your phone’s calendar app! i do almost everything digitally and i’ve been making great use of the Apple calendar to plan out my weeks! it’s a great way to color code different events, classes, appointments, assignments, etc. & if you’re also someone who wants to get into digital planning it’s a great first step into getting into it!

prioritize & maintain good health! — i’m saying this with love, but pulling all-nighter’s every single day leading up to finals is not going to guarantee the best scores for you. you need to make sure your health is where it needs to be! sleep is absolutely vital to making sure your mind and body is working at its very best. as someone who used to be an insomniac and who used to religiously pull all-nighter’s for school, i’m telling you it is not worth it. i didn’t see any improvement in my grades when i was doing that. if anything, my scores and my motivation for school got worse. you can’t just go all night racking your brain over your studies. prioritize your health! this also means making sure you fuel your brain and body with good nutrients! when i’m only running on caffeine, not only do i feel physically weak, but my mind is using so much more energy on becoming anxious than staying focused.

tina’s tip: make sure you set aside time at least once or twice a week to something that makes you happy, helps you relax, and is not related to your academics! i have a rule for myself that after 7:30pm-8pm every single night that i immediately stop working on anything related to my studies so that i can truly unwind for the night. i’ll use my time before bed to have a self-pamper night, play video games, watch a show/movie/youtube video, draw, read, or chat with a friend on facetime! it’s important to include things that bring you joy into your routine! don’t burn yourself out by only focusing on your studies!

୨ৎ — the study wave

try to give yourself at least two weeks in advance to study for finals. consider these two weeks as the study wave! this is the perfect time to really lock into those time-blocks you’ve set aside for your study sessions. each day should be filled with review & ensuring you fully understand the material! the time-blocks could be as long as 5 hours or as short as 30 minutes. i recommend the start of the study wave to include longer study time-blocks and as you get closer to the week of finals to shorten those time-blocks!

week 1 of study wave — reteaching yourself the material: rewatch lectures, review powerpoints/videos/notes/previous homework assignments, and incorporate study methods like the feynman technique, practice tests, & active recall! use this time to form study groups, don’t hesitate to have longer study sessions (remember to take breaks!), and refresh your mind of everything you need to know for upcoming exams! let week 1 help you decide what material/topics/chapters/classes need more of your time and attention and which ones don’t!

tina’s tip: dedicate certain days out of the week to 1-2 classes! this will help to prevent any overwhelming feelings of stress, anxiety, and/or burn-out as you prepare for finals! prioritize which class(es) need the most review, maybe a couple classes need more than one designated study/review day and maybe other classes just need one day throughout the week!

week 2 of study wave — refresh & review: utilize study methods like the blurting method, flashcards, practice tests, & other forms of active recall! this is prime time to focus on active recall methods. doing so will help make sure the information stays fresh in your mind and will help you refine that mental list of which classes/topics still need a little more attention! week 2 of the study wave should included shorter study sessions whether it’s 1 or 2 hours shorter than week 1 or even as short as setting aside 20 minutes every day reviewing material. take this time to try and focus more on those more challenging topics rather than reviewing every single bit of information!

tina’s tip: if you use the blurting method, i recommend using it towards the end of your study sessions! this allows you to recall information as well as put it into your own words that will show whether or not you comprehend the material. review what you’ve written down based off of memory and identify any missing points or errors in your work! this will also help you refine what bits of information still need more focus! repeat this method 3 times!

i highly encourage you guys to also use this time to meet with professors/instructors to ask any additional questions! you’d be surprised at how much of a difference it makes to ask those pressing questions on different parts of the material!

୨ৎ — finals week

it’s extremely important that you are getting enough rest the week of finals! it all sounds cliché, but making sure you’re well-rested and you’ve filled your body with the right nutrients can make such a crucial difference in your exam performance!

if you have time in-between different exams, use that time to do quick review sessions to prepare for your next exam!

avoid cramming! — these in-between study sessions should be used wisely and in an effective manner. take some time to focus on material that has been challenging for you and don’t worry too much about reviewing parts that you’re already confident with!

keep the review short! — if you have 30 minutes or even a couple hours before your next final, do not use the entire time of your “break” to study/review! give your mind a break to rest! listen to some music, play a cozy game, or even take a quick nap if you’re able to! a lot of your mental energy should be put into your time taking the exam, so don’t expend all that energy into studying/reviewing!

final notes —

finals can be exhausting, anxiety-inducing, and just an overall challenge. since it’s that time of the semester where, i’m sure, most of us are starting to experience a drop in the level of our academic motivation, it’s really important to maintain a good and reliable study/school routine to keep yourself on the track you ideally want to be on!

i stress this a lot in my other posts, but self-care is extremely important in being able to maintain good routines in your day to day life! so be sure you’re still incorporating time to focus on your self care to keep yourself afloat!

with lots of love, faustina 🌷

[grison-in-space]

you know what else fucks me up about the US election? one of the things that has left me reeling in bewilderment and grief this month?

I'm a scientist, y'all.

That means that I am, like most American research scientists, a federal contractor. (Possibly employee. It's confusing, and it fucks with my taxes being a postdoctoral researcher.) I get paid because someone, in the long run ideally me, makes a really, really detailed pitch to one of several federal grant agencies that the nation would really be missing out if I couldn't follow up on these thoughts and find concrete evidence about whether or not I'm right.

Currently, my personal salary is dependent on a whole department of scientists convincing one of the largest and most powerful granting agencies that they have a program that is really good at training scientists that can think deeply about the priorities of the agency. Those priorities are defined by the guy who runs the agency, and he gets to hire whatever qualified people he wants. That guy? The Presidential Administration picks that one. That's how federal agencies get staffed: the President's administration nominates them.

All of the heads of these agencies are personally nominated by the president and their administration. They are people of enormous power whose job is to administer million-dollar grants to the scientists competing urgently for limited funds. A million dollars often doesn't go farther than a couple of years when it's intended to pay for absolutely everything to do with a particular pitch, including salaries of your trainees, all materials, travel expenses, promoting the work among other researchers, all of it—so most smart American researchers are working fervently on grants all the time.

The next director of the NIH will be a Trump appointee, if he notices and thinks to appoint one. NSF, too; that's the group that funds your ecology and your astroscience and your experimental mathematics and physics and chemistry, the stuff that doesn't have industry funding and industry priorities. USDA. DOE, that's who does a lot of the climate change mitigation and renewable energy source research, they'll just be lucky if they can do anything again because Trump nigh gutted them last time.

Right now, I am working on the very tail end of a grant's funding and I am scurrying to make sure I stay employed. So I'm thinking very closely about federal agency priorities, okay? And I'm thinking that the funding climate for science is going to get a lot fucking leaner. I'm seeing what the American people think of scientists, and about whether my job is worth doing. It's been a lean twelve years in this gig, okay? Every time the federal government gets fucked up, that impacts my job, it means that I have to hustle even harder to get grants in that let me support myself—and, if I have any trainees, their budding careers as well!—to patch over the lean times as much as we can.

So I've been reeling this week thinking about how funding agency priorities are going to change. I work on sex differences in motivation, so let me tell you, the politics reading this one for my next pitch are going to be fun. I'm working on a submission for an explicitly DEI-oriented five year grant with a cycle ending in February, so that's going to be an exercise in hoping that the agency employees at the middle levels (the ones that know how to get things done which can't be replaced immediately with yes men) can buffer the decisions of those big bosses long enough to let that program continue to exist a little while longer.

Ah, Christ, he promised Health & Human Services (which houses the NIH) to RFK, didn't he? We'll see how that pans out.

I keep seeing people calling for more governmental shutdowns on the left now, and it makes me want to scream. The government being gridlocked means the funding that researchers like me need doesn't come, okay? When the DOE can't say fucking "climate change," when the USDA hemorrhages its workers when the agency is dragged halfway across the country, when I watch a major Texan House rep stake his career on trying to destroy the NSF, I think: this is what you people think of us. I think: how little scientists are valued as public workers. Why am I working this hard again?

This is why I described voting as harm reduction. Even if two candidates are "the same" on one thing you care about, they probably aren't the same level of bad on everything. Your task is to figure out the best person to do the job. It's not about a fucking tribalist horse race. A vote is your opinion on a job interview, you fucks. We have to work with this person.

Anyway, I'm probably going to go back to shaking quietly in despair for a little longer and then pick myself up and hit the grind again. If I'm fast, I might still get the grant in this miserable climate if I run, and I might get to actually keep on what I'm trying to do, which is bring research on sex differences, neurodivergence and energy balance as informed by non-binary gender perspectives and disability theory to neuroscience.

Fuck.

[choccy-milky]

I dont know why I had this vision of clora riding a scooter, like a cute light blue one with italy vibes, like a vespa, and sebastian panicking behind her LMAO

I SEE THE VISION AS WELL...idk how shes on a vespa tho since they werent invented yet so lets just assume theres time-turner shenanigans going on LMAO

but also anon this request was so funny to me because the SAME day you sent me it, i also got this one on twitter:

TRULY THE DUALITY OF MAN IS AT PLAY HERE!!! LMAOO debauchery vs wholesomeness...and it made me laugh so much

(and for anyone curious yes i WILL also be honouring the other request......eventually👀)

@jstfndmthngs splitting your ask into 2 again bc its a CHONKER but I LOVED READING IT🥹🥹 "how much they love each other to the abnormal level that i envy" LMAOO THATS FANFICTION FOR YOU, BABY!!😍 also YESS interacting with my readers in the comments was my fav parts of writing a lot of the time, and im SOOO grateful to the ppl who commented bc without them the story would have turned out DRASTICALLY DIFFERENT. like, i know there are some people who write the entirety of their fanfic and then upload it in chunks, but if i had done that/written my story in a vacuum and hadnt incorporated any of my readers ideas/suggestions it would have been SOOOO much worse honestly LMAO. like, not even necessarily putting their requests or ideas in my fic, but even sometimes just reading a comment that would say something like "i cant wait to see how clora/seb reacts to..." would make me think...oh. i was never planning on even showing their reaction to that. but now that they say that, good point, i definitely need to include that LOL. so yeah even just little stuff like that was SUPER important to my writing process and my story and helped me keep in mind what people wanted to see/things i may have missed or glossed over if i'd been writing by myself, but i also just loved getting comments in general bc i loved reading them and they were so motivating🥹 BUT THANK U SO MUCH IM GLAD U LIKED MY STORY/SEB & CLORA SO MUCH, AND TY FOR SHARING ALL YOUR THOUGHTS WITH ME!!🥹💖💖 im lowkey the same way... i cant read any other fics rn bc im still too attached to seb/clora BAHAHA so i still need to give it some time before i delve into other HL fics (i even downloaded a program that will let me replace names so that i can replace the mc's name with clora's LMFAOOOO THATS HOW MENTALLY ILL I AM ABOUT THEM!!😭😭DONT COME FOR ME🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🚓)

omg...i already love unlocking kinks in people but for it to be specifically seb x clora is even more of an honour BAHAHA omg i love that....but i get it too. clora is submissive and breedable af😍LMAOO (im sorry💀that wasnt me just now that was seb blame him)

@acrenna MERRY LATE CHRISTMAS AND ALSO LATE HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! this is so sweet THANK YOU SO MUCH😭😭im happy my story was able to get you out of your reading slump!! (and hopefully will continue to, with my oneshot im slowly but surely working on😩) BUT THANK YOU AGAIN I APPRECIATE YOU SM🥹🥹💖

@misskkfritz you actually arent the first to say this and i also saw a pinterest comment on my art say this........FELLAS DO I NEED TO WATCH GILMORE GIRLS NOW🤔🤔🤔

[twipsai]

this one panel in issue #50 and it's, like, not THAT bad alright

fuck it im tired and had a long day this is my treat to myself. im talking about that panel. yes, THAT panel. which one?

THIS ONE. alrighty this is off the cuff and terrible, lets go.

so this panel isnt like, that bad in context when it comes to Sonic. i think specifically "ive made peace with enough enemies to know there is a better way" is a really interesting line here, because it calls back to the amount of times that the "villain" hes fought has just been a person whos hurting, and how hes been able to help those people. it makes sense that eventually hes more keen on trying to figure out someones whole story before deciding if theyve gotta go (which is rare).

but i want to talk about the FRAMING of this panel, and specifically the larger context of this issue in particular. theres a lot of flip-flopping in perspectives. usually, IDW is told through Sonic's perspective (loosely, this kind of thing is up to interpretation a lot), but in issue 50, it switches rapidly between four different groups -- Sonic and Surge, Tails and Kit, Eggman and Starline, and Belle and Metal. within these groups, the perspective its being told from changes a few times, but never as much as Sonic and Surge's do

i actually love these two when they interact as a storyteller myself, and one that has handled scripts too often for my own liking. Sonic and Surge do this thing where they push and pull the pacing of the script to fit their motives -- Surge keeps trying to escalate things, whenever shes in a panel everything starts pushing rapidly and it feels like the panels are tumbling off the page. when Sonic does anything, though, its slow and deliberate. hes having fun fighting, sure, but he can very much tell that Surge is trying to kill him and hes not having any of that. Sonic keeps things slow and focused, Surge tries to push things faster and unfocused. i could get into how this reflects her motivations and stuff but thats not what this is about i already lost track of what i was talking about fuck hang on

ok so. Surge knows shes supposed to be Sonic, to be BETTER than Sonic. its all she knows, really, and thats the problem. shes traumatized and full of rage and Sonic has been put on this high pedestal, not just by her, but by everyone. she cannot stand this.

this panel is how SURGE sees Sonic, specifically the composition. hes shrouded in light and physically above her -- its not even that subtle of a metaphor, they use it all the time in idw.

the entire overpowered saga shows Surge clawing for control of herself, her life, her freedom... this issue sets all that up in the main story. the way Sonic is framed here isnt how he sees himself at all. weve seen him do this exact same thing from his own perspective before, where everyone is on even ground. he doesnt see himself as above anyone, this instance of him being depicted as such isnt alluding to how Sonic feels about himself, its how Surge feels about Sonic.

and, look, its not the most well-done in the world. this issue has a whole host of problems, evident by the constant switching of focus from one group to a next (a problem that i think they did better on in the Phantom Rider saga). i literally forgot about Belle and Metal in this issue bc theres just so much more going on, i wouldve loved for them to slow things down a bit, maybe splitting it into two issues, but hey, what can you do, yk?

as an aside, i think its really weird how people narrow in on this specific panel of Sonic as being "so out of character", which i sorta like, 30% agree with (i think some phrasing could be better), and then ignore the page right after it...

...in which he pretty much says "you dont get freedom if youre gonna be a problem". funnily enough, on twitter i have this flow chart saved whenever i need a quick guide on Sonics morality and stuff, its really not that complicated

x

none of this is new imo, we see he has the same philosophy in sa1 and satbk. Chaos was blinded by rage and pain after being trapped for thousands of years RIGHT after they were attacked by the echidnas. Merlina was so scared of death (implied to be because she had lost family members and wasnt able to cope with it well) that she became a monster in an attempt to never let anything change ever again. these arent very different stories in my head i guess, just cases of Sonic seeing people who are hurting and doing his best to free them from that.

uhhhh anyways. all this is disorganized i forgot what i was talking about like 5 times while writing this but. people on twitter are ripping into this issue again. like its a b tier issue stop acting like its an f yk Q_Q i will defend anything if people are too mean tbh

thanks for making it this far if you read all this. i love idw a lot and i think that it does have some flaws, theyre all really blown out of proportion.

have a great day/afternoon/evening wherever you are yall :) bye bye

[scarybabe]

you've been working with a personal trainer, yeah? i'm in the semi-weird position of both loving large bodies and wanting to be a hardcore fitness professional. is there anything your trainer does to make you feel comfortable in, like, gym spaces and stuff? any modifications or other programming that you've found beneficial as someone who's not necessarily trying to like... slim down as much as possible?

Hell yeah! There’s a lot of things my trainer has done right.

In my consultation with her I was around 250 lbs and I explained that I didn’t want to lose weight or restrict at all, because of my history of that being unhealthy for my brain and she was fully supportive. I explained my history with weight gain to her as objectively as possible and she was the opposite of judgemental - she said she thought it was really cool that I achieved my goal of 300 pounds despite the adversity of getting there instead of making assumptions (and yes I did explain the kink part of it) 🤭

As I started weight training more intensely I did lose more weight, which was frustrating because I had to get my wedding dress altered twice 😭

instead of congratulating me for my weight loss (I was really stressed in the month leading up to the wedding, it was a lot of planning and coordinating and money being spent) she had a very harm reduction mindset, she worked with me on what I could do to slow down the loss and building better habits in my day that could help me meet my nutrition goals easier.

At first I was not very mobile honestly, she had me send her videos of my lifting form and worked with me closely to make sure I wasn’t putting myself at risk for injury and assigned me mobility stretches to do before every weightlifting session (I still do them)!

She created a safe space for me to be honest if something the assigned me was beyond my skill level and never made me feel bad for not being able to complete or do an exercise. It was hard at first not gonna lie! Just the mobility stretches alone used to wipe me out 🤣 I’ve come so far, it’s crazy to think about.

As I got more mobile, she scaled up the difficulty of my mobility stretches and exercises. She’s also increased my nutrition goals a lot since I started training and my appetite is so much better than it was when I first started (I could write a book on how your body has to adapt to transitioning out of hardcore feedism but I’ll save that for another post) 💕

We have weekly check ins where I submit a form that covers all my basic functioning and tell her how my week went, strengths and weaknesses and she replies with a 7-10 min long video addressing everything and explaining any adjustments she’s making to my program, and advising me on whatever I ask her about. She’s also available all week in the coaching app if I need recommendations for pre-rave stretches (for example) or nutrition tips, or help with my form. We have a weekly group call on zoom where myself + her other clients discuss whatever topic she’s covering and share our wins and losses (last week it was “bite size habits”) ☺️ she also has ADHD and is very neurodivergent friendly in her coaching style.

Cost for the program averages out to I think $7-$9 a day? It’s not super cheap but she’s been invaluable to me in terms of staying on track to maintain my weight and gain muscle. If I feel depressed or stressed I can’t eat, and knowing she’s going to be checking to make sure I’m hitting my macros every day is good motivation to just power through on days I’m not feeling up to it. Accountability helps a lot. ❤️

[teddywesworl]

different anon but re: sex scenes ask, i’m curious to see how you lay out things to outline for continuity of characterization, and what the drive and stakes are in a scene to avoid the sexual archetypes. would you mind sharing what that process looks like for you? really admire your technical breakdowns of writing (yes even and especially when they end up being ‘controversial’)

ok so. I had to take this ask to a word doc to get all my thoughts in order, so that’s your fair warning about how involved my answer is going to be.

First off, I gotta say I always think it’s funny and strange which “takes” of mine get people in a twist, because it’s very frequently the really basic foundational stuff that you would be taught in the first week or two of any introductory fiction writing class. One time, multiple people blocked me on twitter for saying that every paragraph should serve the whole and that readers will get bored if you go on tangents that have nothing to do with the core drive of the story. There was a qrt with the ‘no fun allowed’ robot. I was basically explaining what “kill your darlings” actually means, but even that was too much.

That said, I think the key to continuity of character in sex scenes is very simple: treat sex as any other action, and treat sex scenes like any other scene.

Naturally, that’s easier said than done, because it contains within itself a pair of mandates:

Get your character fundamentals down before attempting to apply them to sex, and

Deconstruct your own relationship with DHSM archetypes.

Yes, sorry, the almost three hour long Contrapoints Twilight video really is the best framework I’ve ever encountered for breaking down cultural norms concerning sex in fiction (and irl tbh), and I think it’s required viewing for anyone who really wants to deliberately subvert those norms.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Step one: character fundamentals.

In the simplest possible terms, good smut is character work. You’re taking blorbo and putting them in a situation. Often, this is a deeply vulnerable situation wrapped up in a lot of emotions. What kind of emotions are they feeling? Do they feel vulnerable? How do they respond to that vulnerability? Are the blorbos boning out of love? Affection? Frustration? Fear of loss? Is it a hatefuck? Multiple of the above? That’s layer one.

Next layer down: are both (or however many) parties here for the same reason, or are their motivations and experiences different? Everyone in a story has their own drives which may be in conflict with one another or, at the very least, play off of one another in interesting ways; the same principle should apply to sex scenes.

Example.

This is from chapter 2 of baseless fabric:

Rook’s fingers bury themselves in Lucanis’s hair, her nails scraping his scalp. “I’ll show you,” she says, and then—oh, yes—tongues and teeth and spit! Rook’s arms around Lucanis’s neck. Arching backs and sweet sighs and a pleasure that fogs Lucanis’s mind. Rook pulls at Lucanis, and Lucanis tries to keep his hips away. He is embarrassed at how quickly he has grown hard; he is alarmed that he could be so forward, so presumptuous as to expose himself in this way and to seek this kind of pleasure in her. Why? asks Spite. It is for her. She came to you for this. Lucanis struggles against this reasoning, though he knows that Spite is correct. That strange despair deep within grows fat on this knowledge. He is still afraid, and it was such long and difficult work to accept that he would never be desired in this way by a person he desired in turn.

Three parties are involved in this scene: Spite, Lucanis, and Rook.

Spite has no sexual attraction or sex drive per se, because he is a non-corporeal entity to whom those concepts are kind of alien, but he enjoys physical pleasure and has an emotional attachment to both Lucanis and Rook, so there’s no reason to believe he wouldn’t enjoy sex. He experiences everything Lucanis’s body does, and he has a front row seat to the inner workings of Lucanis’s fucked up little brain. In the video game as written, one could argue that Spite’s core drive is essentially to help Lucanis first survive and then recover from extraordinary trauma (out of. Spite. literally). He picks apart Lucanis’s fear and self-hatred and exposes all of it to Rook, in full confidence that Rook can fix it.

Lucanis, meanwhile, is a big ol’ demi virgin who (I was just talking w @ofcrowsanddragons about this last night) has come to view his own basic human needs as monstrous. It’s dangerous for him to need anything. Even sleep! He’s had both physical and emotional vulnerability drilled out of him from a very young age! He can’t let anyone know he needs! What if his needs are exploited? What if someone notices he needs something and takes advantage? For Lucanis, I imagine that allowing himself to be vulnerable in a safe, controlled way that feels good, with someone he trusts entirely, would be… woof. Very intense.

Rook is the wild card in terms of fanfic and character study, because, as a customizable PC, she could be anything. And she might be physically undescribed in my fics, but the character choices I’ve made aren’t by mistake; I’m writing about The Lucanis Romance, after all, and that provides opportunities for Rook to play both partner and foil. And so: my Rook is sexually experienced, shameless, and a bit vulgar, and she grew up poor. She’s Lucanis’s opposite in a lot of ways, and she serves to highlight his hangups by contrast. He talks down at himself for “seeking pleasure in her,” while her desire for him is uncomplicated. She wants this guy. She cares for him. It feels good when he touches her. On its own, maybe that’s not super interesting fodder for fiction, but she and Spite force Lucanis to reckon with his irrational self-talk and maladaptive coping mechanisms. She can get away with being a bit two-dimensional, because her main function in the story is to challenge his perspective.

The climax (lol) of the fic is arguably the following line in chapter 3: “The despair of fulfillment, the anguish of joy—he thinks he is not made for such things, and so he fights them, even desperate as he is to submit.” Everything in this first encounter between Lucanis and Rook builds toward that final evolution of the idea that Lucanis fears his own emotional needs and resists their fulfillment.

Et voila: Lucanis’s character is examined and has the opportunity to develop through sex!

Still, I admit, all of this is easier said than done. Character study of any kind takes practice to get a feel for, and writing effective character-driven sex requires that you be aware of your own relationship with culturally imposed norms.

Step two: becoming an archetype understander

Watch the Contrapoints video if you haven’t. Yes, in full. I promise it’s worth it. But if you want to save it for later and keep reading this post now, DHSM stands for Default Heterosexual Sado-Masochism, and it’s an extremely useful framework for understanding how patriarchal romantic and sexual roles are organized.

Natalie Wynn defines DHSM as “a division of sexuality into bipolar roles,” as follows:

She goes on: “In reality, none of these roles are interchangeable or even necessarily correlated. Being masculine does not imply being a top, and neither imply being dominant. […] But in DHSM, these roles are assumed to be bundled together and assumed to belong to the sexuality of men.”

I contend that when we are reading E-rated fanfiction and we cross that jarring threshold from in-character plot to out-of-character smut, we have most often just encountered the author deferring to cultural sex scene-writing norms prescribed by DHSM. And, importantly, the sex scene doesn’t have to be heterosexual for DHSM to be in the room!

One of the most important things you can do as you’re writing sex is to ensure that you are aware of the cultural pressure to conform to this false dichotomy.  Notice I didn’t even say ‘don’t conform;’ there are certainly ways to examine & play with DHSM while nominally conforming to it. However, DHSM is omnipresent as a basic assumption in mainstream romance and romantic subplot, and you may be surprised at the extent to which the average person automatically reaches for it while writing. In fact, once you start seeing it, you may not be able to stop.

One of the things I really like about Lucanis as a character is his relationship to DHSM. He’s an assassin, arguably a professional predator. He is extremely rich, and he ends the story with a nation-shaping amount of political power. He is also, quite literally, possessed. His whole personal arc is about his fraught relationship with agency. His romance arc requires that you, the player, pursue him to a much more dramatic degree than any of the other companions, just to get to the point of acknowledged flirtation. He breaks the assumed role. He looks like the Latin Lover trope sprouted wings; but that’s not him.

This is, frankly, why a large proportion of the Rookanis ao3 tag bums me out: there’s so much fic in there that pulls back toward that assumption of bipolarity, flattening him as a result. Lucanis as an aggressive or dominant lover does nothing for me, because I feel that it misunderstands his approach to intimacy.

Now what?

I’ve just said an embarrassing number of words about writing pornography. But how does one synthesize all this stuff?

Here’s an exercise I recommend:

Pick a pairing of your choice and consider each character’s relationship with the DHSM dichotomy. Deliberately run down those columns above and decide which character more closely matches each descriptor in each pair, individually—if they match either, which they may not! Examine the ways in which that pairing might break bipolarity.

Then, try to come up with a sexual scenario that demonstrates that break in DHSM. This is a valuable exercise because it attacks both points simultaneously: it forces you to think of your character fundamentals, and it directly challenges the archetypes.

To use the same baseless fabric example, Rook is clearly the pursuer, but she’s got an exhibitionist streak, and she very much desires penetration:

She leans back, rests her weight on her hands, and deliberately opens the vee of her thighs. Her chemise drapes across them, and it hides very little. There is a shadow beneath, intensified by the flicker of the hearth, and Lucanis’s eye is drawn inexorably down—

Later in the same scene, Spite's POV refers to the act of penetrating Rook as surrender:

The body knows what to do. The instinct for it is ancient and innate, and the rhythm is made at the conjunction of Lucanis’s flesh and heart and mind. It is surrender, a hopeless exposure of underbelly and throat, and it feels good. Lucanis plants one hand on the table and rolls his hips.

Lucanis also acknowledges, multiple times, that he had his own preconceived notions about how sex is supposed to go, which Rook has challenged. For example:

Rook hums and smiles and closes the narrow gap between them. What begins as a simple press of lips develops into the luxuriant slide of tongues, Lucanis pushing the hem of her chemise up so he can bury his hand between her thighs. Rook hooks a knee over Lucanis’s hip and tugs him in until he acquiesces and thrusts into her. It is all slow and lazy. Soft. It feels the way Lucanis always thought it should, except in the ways he couldn’t have foreseen. His body aches from the violence of the previous day, and Rook’s must, as well; the pleasure cuts through the pain, colors it, transforms it into something almost sweet. Rook’s arms coil around him, and she makes the most beautiful little sounds.

(Uh oh, buddy! That's a little masochistic of you!)

If you are working deliberately to improve your character-driven sex scenes, I strongly recommend starting with short (up to like 3k words) ficlets as practice. Pick a trope or two to toss in for extra “put the blorbos in situations” sauce. Forced proximity! Drunken confessions! Hurt/comfort! Fuck or die! Etc. All great fun. Alternately, sometimes you will simply be possessed by the knowledge that certain characters will have certain kinks. Like Lucanis and somnophilia (you get it, right? I don’t even have to explain why. Isn’t that neat?).

As a side benefit, doing this exercise thoughtfully will make you better at character writing more generally. No, really. Spending this time analyzing characters’ relationships to intimacy will help you understand what makes them tick in so many other ways.

Let me sum up.

So, in summary: good smut is character work, and you need your character fundamentals first. However, cultural norms impose the division of sexuality into bipolar roles. Breaking that bipolarity subverts a subconscious expectation, adds tension and interest, and forces both writer and reader to really think about the characters in front of them.

Does that……. Does that answer your question about process?? I swear I didn’t start with the intent to write two thousand earth words about this. And also, I don’t typically sit down and think to myself “how will I break DHSM today?” I have enough practice at this point (and a deep enough obsession with the function of social power) that my disdain for DHSM automatically inserts itself into basically everything I write. I do think these two pieces (1. character first and 2. fuck DHSM) make up the foundation of how I approach smut, though, so hopefully this has been a useful response!!

[blackbleedingrose]

Long Lost Morningstar - Part Four

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel

Pairing(s): Seven Virtues' x reader (platonic), Charlie x reader (platonic), Lucifer x reader (platonic), Lilith x reader (platonic)

Genre: Angst/Betrayal

Warning(s): Cursing, lies, betrayal

Notes: FINALLY! I'm sorry this took me forever to post. I was, and still am, dealing with some school stuff. Truthfully it was a little rough trying to get this one out - along with school and work, I am losing motivation to write this. It could be that I burnt myself on Hazbin after reading so many fanfics for days on end until I eventually got tired. I'm still going to be writing this either way, I'd feel bad to suddenly stop out of nowhere. Funny thing is I'll probably feel motivated again once the second season airs. Oh, well. I'll post part five when I can and am able, so please bare with me and hopefully enjoy this long part for the time being. Thank you for your support - I'm really writing this for the ones reading this series and am grateful for your patience.

Words: 3,298

"I-Is that. . . my name? W-Why would my name be in Lucifer's court record?".

After learning about the exterminations (Y/N) wasted no time flying to the archangels' castle - her home.

She needed to know if they knew about the exterminations, and if so. . .

No, there's no way.

The Virtues' duty were to help remain peace and order - there's no way they'd be okay with the murdering of sinners.

Still, the fear and pain she felt for Charlie and Sera's betrayal made her impulsive.

So much so, that she flew past the archangels' secretary and burst through the doors of the meeting room where they were discussing important matters.

The archangel's were shocked to see (Y/N), who had just interrupted their meeting, looking completely disheveled and breathing heavily.

This behavior would normally be unacceptable, and if it were any other seraphim or angel they would be scolded and punished depending on severity of the offense.

But this was their little (Y/N), whose never interrupted their meetings without reason (or when she was a curious infant who somehow wandered in).

Michael stood up from his seat and flew over to his distressed daughter, "(Y/n). What's the matter?".

(Y/n) struggled to catch her breath, her mind and heart racing.

Michael placed his hands on her shoulders, "Deep breathes, sweetheart. Try to calm down". He gently cooed at her trying to help her find her breath and calm her nerves.

When (Y/N) had finally caught her breath she looked up at her father staring right into his eyes, "Did you know?".

Michael furrowed his brows confused, "Know what, sweetheart?".

(Y/N) took a deep breath before looking at him with sorrowful eyes, "About the exterminations."

Michael and the other archangels' were even more confused than before, "What exterminations?".

"The exterminations of the human souls in Hell."

The archangels' eyes widened in shock and disbelief. Michael looked down at his daughter with slight sternness, "What do you mean?".

(Y/N) went on to tell them all about what had happened at the trial from Charlie's hotel, Angel Dust, Sera's betrayal, to Adam's threat towards her cousin.

To say the archangels' were pissed would be a gross understatement.

How dare Sera and Adam play God and order such an atrocity right under their noses - and for it to be going on this long!

They were embarrassed to have been so ignorant.

Michael felt very uneasy about (Y/N)'s interaction with the Princess of Hell.

Yes, he had been aware his brother had birthed a child in Hell and hadn't seen an issue of (Y/n) of knowing as he was confident the two would never meet.

Well, that back fired horribly.

He couldn't discuss that with (Y/N) right now because, other than letting curiosity get the better of her once again, she hadn't done anything wrong.

She was clearly out of sorts with worry. She didn't need anything else but reassurance and comfort.

"Thank you for telling us. Don't worry, we'll be sure to handle this," Michael said trying to comfort his daughter.

"B-But, Charlie," (Y/N)'s breathing spiked, "A-Adam threatened t-to, to!". Tears flowed down to her red cheeks, her eyes red and puffy.

Michael gently shushed her wiping her tears, "Calm down, sweetie. We'll handle everything, especially Adam. Just go to your room and try to relax. I'll tell the staff to get you some tea."

(Y/N) shook her head, "B-But I need to help Charlie. I-I need to do something -,"

"No." Michael's tone was stern but gentle. "This is for the higher ranking angels to handle and you're too emotional right now to think clearly. Let us take care of this."

"Listen to your father, (N/N)." Azrael said his grin more menacing than usual. "And don't fret over Adam, we'll make sure to deal with him personally."

The other archangels' agreed without question. Adam wouldn't get away with making their precious niece cry.

(Y/N) realized her father was right, she was too emotional right now.

She was in no condition to deal with this as she was.

After saying goodbye to her family, (Y/N) went to her room to try and calm down.

Feeling completely exhausted and emotionally drained, (Y/N) passed out the second her head hit her pillow.

The next day (Y/N) woke up later than usual and saw a note on her beside table.

It was from her father telling her not to worry about her duties that day and to just rest.

(Y/N) was grateful to her father, but she was so restless about the trial and the upcoming extermination.

She got ready for the day and went down into the courts archives.

Maybe there was something she could use in the courts records to help Charlie.

Since she was a stenographer, a seraphim, and Michael's daughter no one questioned her being there.

In fact, many of the simps angels there were more than happy to help her.

(Y/N) declined most of their help, not wanting to garner unnecessary attention to what she was looking for or why.

She continued doing this for days making sure to cover her tracks so her father and uncles didn't catch wind of her little excursions.

Which was why most of them were in the dead of night.

She hadn't heard a word of what her father or uncles' were going to do about the exterminations.

But the times she's seen Adam and Lute, the two were still their cocky and douchey selves.

So, she knew the extermination was still on.

Why?

Why haven't the archangels' done anything yet?

What were they waiting for?

A small part of her wondered if they ended up agreeing with Sera and Adam and wanted to keep the exterminations on, but she quickly pushed those thoughts aside.

The archangels' duty was to follow the laws of Heaven, and the exterminations clearly went against that.

There's no way they'd be okay with keeping it going.

Still. . . they weren't working fast enough.

The month was almost over.

So, she continued researching wanting to find anything that would prove Sera and Adam wrong about Hell and prove Charlie's hotel worked or could work.

One night while everyone had turned in, (Y/N) snuck into the ancient archives - court records that dated over billions of years ago.

Maybe there was something in the older court records she could use.

She spent hours going through file after file, pulling out possible references to use, and making piles based on the dates.

The long hours started to get to her, the bags under her eyes more prominent with each passing minute.

Without realizing, her eyes lids shut and she slowly drifted to the side accidently knocking over a large pile she hadn't checked yet.

*THUD*

The sound of the falling files scared her awake.

"Oh shit!"

(Y/N) rubbed her eyes awake before going over to the scattered files. She really hoped no one had heard that thud.

As she was gathering all of the loose documents, there was one file folder that caught her eye. Labeled on the tab was 'Morningstar vs Heaven'.

Morningstar? That was Charlie's last name but this file was in one of the older court piles meaning this file was about -

"Lucifer. . .".

She's never read her uncle's trial record before. . . but if he was anything like Charlie then maybe there was something in those documents that could help her prove her cousin's dreams and beliefs.

After all, it was because of Lucifer's desire and dreams to show humanity free will that gifted humans the ability to dream and choose to be better.

She knew her father would frown at her view on Lucifer, but she had always thought there might have been some merit behind her uncle's choices.

She started to collect the documents, sometimes glancing over certain parts that caught her attention. However, as she was going through the files she saw something in one of the documents that she had never expected to see.

"I-Is that. . . my name? W-Why would my name be in Lucifer's court record?". (Y/N) bit her lip deciding if she should look through it or not.

In the end she decided to go through with it and read the document. It was probably nothing, just her mind playing tricks on her. She had been up for hours, after all.

However, the moment her eyes scanned through each line her heart dropped into her stomach.

Sera: Take the child.Court angels: (takes the infant (Y/N) Morningstar from the arms of her parents, Lucifer Morningstar and Lilith)

"P-Parents?".

The rest of the documents recounted Lucifer and Lilith's guilty verdict, their sentencing to Hell, and the courts final proceedings.

(Y/N) wanted to refuse everything she had read, wanting to call it all lies.

But stenographers, especially in Heaven, cannot lie when recording. The magic imbedded within the typewriter wouldn't allow it.

Still, it just couldn't be true. . . Maybe this was another (Y/N), one she's never met. There was no way it was talking about her.

However, before (Y/N) could attempt to convince herself even more she noticed one final document lying on the floor. She recognized what kind of document it was immediately.

It was a Heavenly Ordinance.

She slowly reached for the golden paper and started to read it.

"By Heavenly decree, it is now ordered that all residents, and new ones to come, are forbidden from tempting humanity or breaking Heaven's rules. All residents must obey and turn from all misguided thoughts, dreams, and or endeavors. All violators will receive punishment. It is also ordered that the Heavenborn seraphim, (Y/N) Morningstar, is now under the care of the Seven Virtues; specifically Archangel Michael Demiugros. The infant's name will be changed to (Y/N) Demiugros. The child will have no connection to Lucifer Morningstar and Lilith, and will be told Michael Demiugros is her father/parent who crafted her from stardust. All Heavenly residents aware of the child's true lineage are forbidden from speaking on the matter. All violators will be punished severely."

(Y/N) felt like she couldn't breath.

Her hands were shaking, her heart pounding in her chest.

Oh, God.

She wanted to deny it and believe all of this was some sick prank.

But even she knew no one in Heaven would dare fake writing a Heavenly Ordinance, let alone play such a cruel prank or joke.

Besides, the Heavenly Seal at the bottom of the document was proof of its authenticity.

Heaven would never allow a fake to be placed with the court records.

It took a while for her to calm down.

Looking at the clock mounted on the wall, she saw how late it was.

The court angels who had the early morning shift would be here in two hours.

Wiping the tears that had gathered in her eyes, she used her magic to help clean up her mess and put all of the documents back into their original places - except for one.

When she started to put Lucifer's file away, she stared at the ordinance.

She paused for a moment before folding it up and shoving it into her pocket.

After everything was put away (Y/N) went back to her room with her mind buzzing and heart racing.

She woke up five hours later to the sound of her alarm.

She felt absolutely exhausted.

At first she thought it had all been a dream, a really bad dream.

But when she checked her pockets and pulled out the folded up golden paper, she knew it wasn't.

She was heartbroken.

The feeling of betrayal and hurt plaguing her soul.

Why?

Why did they lie to her?

Why did they do all of this?

Now everything made sense.

Why she was so restricted from practically everything.

Why everyone in her family kept her so close and away from any of the higher seraphim duties.

Why she really looked like Lilith. . .

To top it all off, the person she had believed to be her father this whole time was actually her uncle.

She truly didn't know how to feel, and she wondered if Charlie knew.

Probably not given how shocked the Hellborn had been to hear she had a 'cousin'.

Though, now she knew why she felt such a strong connection to Charlie.

They were sisters.

And if Charlie hadn't known about her, she doubted Lucifer or Lilith did.

She wondered what else Heaven has lied to her about.

. . . Did they even love her?

If she really was the spawn of the ones who damned humanity, did they only keep her for their own benefit?

Have they actually hated her this entire time?

These thoughts brought tears to her eyes.

The rest of the day as she continued on with her duties, she thought back to her family and her newly discovered ones.

Whenever she interacted with her family in Heaven, she did her best to keep up appearances.

There was no way to tell what would happen if they found out what she knew.

So, she decided to bite her tongue.

No matter how much she wanted to scream and cry.

She wondered if they were even going to do anything about the exterminations.

She was starting to doubt it since she hadn't heard anything new; though, would they even tell her?

And Adam and Lute were as smug as ever.

That made her angelic blood boil.

Did they really hate Lucifer, Charlie, her, and sinners so much that they would allow this atrocity to continue?

Even though it went against everything Heaven stood for?!

No.

(Y/N) wouldn't stand for this.

If she was going to help Charlie, she would have to take matters into her own hands.

Luckily, Michael and her other uncles' taught her basic combat.

Hopefully that would at least help her fed off a few exorcists.

The next few days leading up to the extermination, (Y/N) secretly stole some angelic armor and weapons.

She eavesdropped on Adam and Lute trying to find out their plans and the exact time of the extermination.

She even continued to gather information for Charlie to help prove her hotel could work.

She acted as she usually did in front of others to avoid suspicion.

She planned to sneak out the night before the extermination to help Charlie and her hotel prepare for the fight.

She was a little nervous about seeing her newly discovered sister, and possibly her biological father, but she knew she would have to suck it up and wait until after the battle was over.

The morning before the extermination, (Y/N) felt more than prepared - she had everything she needed before tonight.

Everything was going according to plan.

"What seems to be the problem here?" Michael asked the court angel who seemed to be a bit out of sorts.

"W-Well, sir, there seems to be a document missing from one of the court records".

Michael rose a brow, "Okay? Which records?".

"U-Um. . . one of the ancient records, sir."

'Ancient records?'

Michael's brows furrowed - why would a document be missing from one of the oldest records in Heaven? Hardly anyone uses or reads them. They're mainly there as historical records now.

"Strange. . . Which record was it then?"

The court angel gulped, "U-Um. . , i-it-"

Michael glared slightly annoyed, "Just say it!"

"I-It was from Lucifer Morningstar's, s-sir!"

Michael's eyes widened, "Lucifer's?"

"Y-Yes, sir. We noticed some of the court records had been a little out of place the past couple of days, but thought nothing of it as everything was neatly put back. But this morning one of the court angel's found a feather between Lucifer's record, and when they opened it they saw one of the documents inside was missing."

Michael frowned, "Which document?"

". . . The Heavenly Ordinance, sir."

'The Heavenly Ordinance? Why. . . Why would anyone take that?'

"This was the feather that was found inside the court record."

The court angel presented Michael a singular feather. It was beautiful and the design looked very familiar -

Michael's breath hitched as he looked closely at the feather. He snatched the feather out of the court angel's hand looking at it even closer.

'No, no, no - it can't be!'

Without another word Michael flew out of the room leaving very confused and concerned court angels'.

'There's no way! She cannot possibly know!'

Lost in his own frantic thoughts, Michael failed to notice a certain archangel in his path, and proceeded to crash right into him.

"Woah, Michael! What's the rush?" Azrael asked wincing from the impact.

Michael looked at his brother, fear in his eyes, "Azrael. I-It's terrible. . . (Y-Y/N). . . S-She-"

"(Y/N)? Did something happen to her?" Azrael asked worried. He's never been his brother so distressed before.

"S-She. . . She knows."

Azrael furrowed his brows, "'Knows?' Knows, what?"

"About Lucifer. . . the truth about Lucifer and Lilith."

Michael proceeded to tell Azrael the events that happened taken place in the courts archives.

"That's strange," Azrael hummed. "Just as strange as the report I just got that some angelic armor and weapons are missing."

Azrael saw Michael's expression morph into one of absolute horror and waved his hands trying to dismiss his brother's thoughts, "But it could all just be a coincidence!".

Placing his hands onto Michael's shoulders, Azrael looked into his eyes, "Michael. You know (Y/N). As curious as she is, she's not reckless or stupid. She knows her place in Heaven and wouldn't dare ruin that. Have more faith - after all, you are the one who raised her."

Michael calmed his nerves as he listened to his brother's advice. He's right. (Y/N) was raised right and she would never do something that would jeopardize her place in Heaven. Someone else had to have misplaced the document, armor, and weapons.

. . . Still. . .

He couldn't shake off the ugly feeling in his gut.

Hours had passed and it was now late into the night.

To everyone around her (Y/N) was her normal graceful, polite, and dutiful self.

Almost like she hadn't been stressed out the entire month worrying for her cousin, who she recently discovered was actually her sister, and finding out her entire life has been a total lie.

She really played the part of the obedient seraphim quite well.

But right now, she was anything but.

Right now she was the sleep deprived heartbroken, scorned girl who no longer knew who she was or who she could trust here.

But, she was going to find out.

While the rest of the castle was asleep, (Y/N) changed from her night gown into light but durable angelic armor.

She wore her long blonde hair in a high ponytail and carried a long angelic spear on her back (along with a few angelic daggers and a whip on her hips).

Once ready, she quietly unlocked her balcony door trying to make as little noise as possible.

She could feel her nerves shake.

She's never been in a real fight before.

She knew what she was doing was dangerous; and if found out, could lead her into a world of trouble.

Looking back behind her she glanced over her room.

Her eyes landing on a picture frame found sitting on her vanity.

It had a photo of when she was little.

In it she was hugging Michael with her favorite duck plushie in her arms.

They both had such big smiles.

Sadness filled her heart as tears pricked her eyes.

Had it all been a lie?

Well. . . either way, she would find out later.

Charlie needed her right now.

She smiled sadly at the duck plushie laying in her bed silently wishing for luck.

Steeling her nerves, (Y/N) internally prepared herself for the battle ahead.

What she wasn't prepared for was to come face to face with Michael the moment she turned around.

Taglist:

@soobryu @kyo-kyo1 @miyako-night20 @charliecharlie65 @unknow-sama @myluckymoon @lbcreations-blog @moonchaos18 @sirenetheblogger @jagharamira @el-hajj @azharyy @glowymxxn @itsmonicabc @lxkeee @aria-tempest @glowinthedarkbones1150 @sashaphantomhive @0strawberrysorbet0 @serenity-loves-red @snowy-violet @aishallnotbefound

[freesia-writes]

Behind the Scenes of a Writer's Mind

I noticed something tonight that I thought might be helpful to share. You [hopefully] often hear fanfic writers urging interaction and support. It may seem selfish or prideful at first glance, but there's a lot more to it. Have a seat. 😉

The best metaphor I've heard is someone who loves cooking for others. Yes, they do it because they like it, but there's a deep gratification in sharing that work and talent with others and getting to hear how much it was loved and enjoyed. Same with writing.

I asked my favorite author @dystopicjumpsuit about her works -- which had the most emotional impact, which was the tastiest smut, which is her best piece, etc -- and was delighted to hear her answers because there were elements that I hadn't known or noticed, and it made me so excited to read them again (and a few for the first time, haha). It gave a new appreciation, a neat back story, and a richer experience to the fics. (READ THE ASK/ANSWER HERE)

She turned the ask back on me, and while I hadn't expected that, I was surprised at the process as I tried to answer. I had taken a good half a year off from writing after finishing the Hunter longfic. I had poured my heart and soul into it, and when it was done posting, it was kinda... empty. Life also was fairly crazy, so this side of me kinda went away for a while. I still wanted to write. I missed being here. But there was just no inspiration or motivation, and you can't force that.

But something neat happened when DJ gave me the chance to consider my own work. I reread some oldies. I smiled at things I'd forgotten about. The questions forced me to look at the good parts, my favorite parts, the best parts that I'm most proud of.

As a writer, it's easy to forget that. You get used to writing, you get used to your style and approach and voice, and sometimes it just gets to a point of "why bother"? ESPECIALLY if there's no feedback from readers. But it was awesome to be reminded of how my writing brings me joy, and that it's a particular area of gifting but also something that's honed and developed and refined over the years.

Considering the beautiful elements of what I've been able to create breathed fresh life into me. It brought confidence where there had been indifference. It reminded me of the fun of writing and the unpredictable nature of how it all goes down. It rekindled some of that joy of bringing delight to others with my time and effort. It rejuvenated the creative part of me that loves the process as well as the product.

So WRITERS -- if you're in a pit, perhaps read some of your own stuff. Enjoy it. Read works by other authors you love and ask them about it -- it'll likely remind you of some experiences of your own. But also, if the motivation isn't there, don't sweat it. Enjoy what you can and, if the fickle mistress of inspiration returns, bang that thang til fics fall out. (I'll see myself out, thank you.)

And READERS -- you enjoy what we create, yeah? Do you know that you'd likely enjoy it wayyy more if you had a lil behind-the-scenes knowledge? It truly enriches the experience all around, AND it's so encouraging to authors to be able to share not only the finished product but some of the joy of the process. So don't be afraid -- drop some asks, leave questions in reblogs, engage!!

If you've read this far (without skipping, you weasels), please consider this a free ticket for a fic request. ;) Drop one in my inbox and we shall see if the gods smile upon my mushy brain and clumsy fingers. But also, thank you for reading, and I hope that both writers and readers are encouraged to enjoy this space more fully!

FREESIA OUT 😘

[witchesofvaliant]

My Take on Worshipping & Working with Ares

(Disclaimer: "My take" means my personal opinion and deriving heavily from my own experience.)

I work with Ares primarily in Shadow Work, and worship/work with him heavily in my practice.

1: The Misconceptions

I see a lot of "I work with Ares, so I work out all the time for him", and while exercise is wonderful for the body, and I myself love to get in a good walk, I have never devoted that to Ares. I am not saying you shouldn't, but the reason I mention it at all is the fact that many people equate working with Ares or those who do as muscle-headed gym bros who are always having to exercise or have to prove their masculinity. As a computer nerd who doesn't have exercise in their daily life and has chronic disabilities/illness that make that harder, I just don't do that. If I can, I take a good long walk for an hour or two about twice or once a week (if I can), that's mostly as far as it goes. In terms of proving my masculinity? Why? Let's dispense with the antiquated gender roles that say we have to assign the tough masculine aura to the cis guys. I am a trans male who has no issue looking feminine and being both a Queen and a King, that's just how it is. Ares can tell me himself if he has an issue with it, but he never has. And after getting to know him for some time, personally, he's not the type to give a fuck about your gender presentation. That also means, you don't have to be a guy to work with him, as I have also seen before.

Now, if we're trying to be true to the ancient Greek times, he was the primary deity worshipped in Sparta, and once the Romans adopted (which is putting it nicely) the Greek deities into their belief system, Mars was used as the primary deity equivalent to Zeus (Jupiter as he was called), with the common epithet to represent him being Mars Ultor, basically a title of greatness and power for him. He was used to inspire and push young men in those times toward a great strength and motivation in terms of military service as that was a greater focus in their culture than it was in the Greek culture (Not that the Greeks couldn't fight of course, they had their war deities, and Ares was one of them, but there IS a massive shift in the Greek and Roman mindsets when involving war, too much to get into). Now, here's where I stop, as I'm not an expert on Greco-Roman history and the two cultures, but it should demonstrate the point well at least on where these ideas so many people are spreading come from and why many think they're valid for everyone.

2: Worship

I tend to worship him by simple prayer. I take the knife I have and meditate with it, praying to him or simply talking. Sometimes, I don't even take the knife Lol. He's honestly a very simple person to deal with in my experience. You don't need to do fancy shit for him as devotional acts, he values respect and honor above all, so if you are giving that and offering this to him, he's a very pleased guy. I can't and don't use candles or fire in my practice, but my fire element/offering is going into a game and killing some bad guys. Is it semi-stereotypical in terms of the aggression? Kind of. Is it more focused on lessening my own stress and self-control so I'm taking my stress and anger out in a game than on people? Yes, and usually this isn't done FOR Ares, this is done more in terms of working on myself as agreed upon with Ares. Which goes into our next subject.

3: Work

Working with Ares is a huge part of my relationship with him (don't get me wrong, I love to just exist with him and listen to Fallout Boy too) but it's here where I have much more to say as I have always focused on Shadow Work in my life, and that only increased when I started my practice and my move away from the toxic Christianity I was raised with. Ares was not the first to work with me on this, and I had to work on some stuff myself just to be open to the idea of working with other deities. But in terms of Ares, he has been someone that I feel a strong connection to because of the heart, not my masculinity, not fighting others and exercising, but more because of the internal struggles and survival for my life I have had throughout my entire life. Be it with illness, my heart and trauma, or defending others, mainly my little brother, but all these thins took an internal struggle, not am external one. I find I work with him purely in terms of internal survival (either against physical or mental illness) and Shadow Work, which means understanding my heart, my will, and how to overcome the pain that has broken those things in my past. THIS part of him, is the part I rarely see anyone say anything about. Or everyone pairs him with Aphrodite and says this is their thing. I don't understand why it can't be him alone, I have hardly ever worked or dealt with Aphrodite, and while I give her respect and have given her my prayer, she is rarely there as my path just doesn't flow that way.

And also.. Why does no one talk about the fact that Ares can connect to illness too? In my opinion, he connects to illness through the issue of having to fight through it or even fight to keep someone alive.

I love embracing him as someone that doesn't require you to be a cis man with a six pack, or fight a literal war or fight other people just to work with him, and I really want to stress that you don't have to be these things, or change who you are as a person or fit into any requirement to work with him, and you don't have to do this with any deity either. You bring yourself first, that's all you truly need to bring to them, yourself and an open mind and ears to listen.

(Damn, this was long, hope people actually read this rant lmao)

If you got to the end, congratulations! And thank you for reading, I deeply appreciate that and you! 💖

[hergan416]

Coming across another please comment post, specifically about people who say nice things about fics to their friends but won't tell the author, and how betrayed authors feel by private book rec servers and stuff.

And yes, that's not an adequate substitute for talking to the author and isn't motivating and I don't think we should be privatizing our community. But the idea it is a generational fault kind of is bugging me because I notice myself doing some of that too- reading something recc'd to me and only responding in depth in the server or in priv instead of on the fic, and I didn't used to do that five years ago. Granted sometimes that person is in the server or I'm talking in private with the author, and that's... something different? But regardless, it's still not completely generational, it's a changing norm and I want to examine my experience to figure out why that might be.

And for me, I think it comes down to safety and vulnerability. It's easy to see this from the perspective of an author. To post a work for the judgement of The Internet is to be vulnerable. Comments help sooth over that moment of vulnerability. They help make it worth it. Whether the work is low or high effort, doesn't matter.

But commenting is also a moment of vulnerability. It is becoming visible to the author, for a brief moment, and writing down your thoughts when your interpretation might not be "as intended." I've known friends who anxiously waited to see what an author would say about a comment- would it be well received? Would the author be happy?

I feel that too when I comment. I reread the thing and try my best to not impulsively edit it over and over again to be more clear with what I want to say. That this is meant as a compliment, please don't assume malice with my words.

I didn't used to feel like that.

Where did that anxiety about being misinterpreted come from? Why do I feel I have to say everything perfectly or not at all, unless I know you well enough to know you will tolerate a mistake?

Is it of my own making, having had a reader look at the events I wrote and coming to the exact opposite conclusion about the morality of the situation as I did? I was so confused about that, think it ended up being a cultural difference, but I'm not sure because I had the last word, and I still feel terrible about that interaction. I wish I knew how to properly express how fascinating it was to be challenged on my assumptions like that, even if my definition of what constitutes rape didn't shift at all.

Or did it start before then? Was it because of that one time that I got all the way to the end note of a story to find out that alwill shippers weren't supposed to interact because they didn't want readers to interpret an interaction between them as anything but brotherly? (I hadn't read it that way, the fic was tagged sherliam and they hadn't wrote it that way. I left a comment anyway at the time, but I don't think I would have done that if I came accross that fic today.)

In fact, the fact that a loud and vocal subgroup of people simply don't want you to exist because of your taste in ships makes it hard to engage with any people you don't know in fandom at all. What if I leave my comment then click on the author's socials and see that their bio says proship DNI? What happens if they click on my profile and get mad at me for existing around them, like AO3 is Twitter or something? It hasn't happened yet but what if it does?

I'm basically "out" about shipping dark and disturbing content and so this next one doesn't apply to me per se, but what if a group of antis trolls the comment section of my fics for people to harass over their tastes? That's a public admission trying you to me. That could be dangerous in the current internet environment.

And my friends ... know who I am and know I say stuff stupid and largely don't care. So it's easy to tell them "hey look at this, it's y ship and does h really well."

I have no idea if these experiences line up with anyone else's. I don't want to say this ought to excuse me from trying to also tell the author they did h really well. I just am trying to parse through some of my own fears and anxiety and seeing how that relates to the current state of things.

Because I also want more comments. I just also empathize with people who might not always leave them. I don't think it's a moral failing to choose not to comment on a fic you liked. And also I know many of my original core readers have left the fandom/gotten busy/etc. And I know that my writing is probably "tolerable and I finished it, but I am not excited about it enough to talk about what just happened" to a fair amount of people. (And the barrier to talking about it just keeps getting steeper and steeper for me, so maybe that's what's happening with you too.)

[ithildinwrites]

anime recommendations

it was really hard to limit myself bc i’d recommend all the stuff i’ve watched but then this thread would be too long so! i’ve linked my anilist below if u want more recs from there bc i record them all :)

JUJUTSU KAISEN

ongoing (manga completed)

47 eps + 1 movie

genres: adventure, dark fantasy, supernatural

notes: jjk is hands down one of my fave animes. it just has so many cool characters and the growth that they go thru is so cool to watch, plus the power system is really cool (albeit a little complicated) and it really keeps you on your toes so i always rec this one

HAIKYU!!

ongoing (manga completed)

90 eps (inc. ova's) + 1 movie

genres: comedy, coming of age, sports

notes: hq is one of those feel good animes. gen always makes me so so happy and it always puts me in a good mood. v minimal sadness and v focussed on the character's growth and their relationships with each other. underlying themes of overcoming stuff and becoming a better version of yourself etc. and it focusses on other teams as well, not just the main team. i love love hq with my whole soul and it'll always be so so special to me, i can't not recommend it like i could talk about it for hours

ATTACK ON TITAN (SHINGEKI NO KYOJIN)

completed

94 eps (inc. ova's)

genres: action, dark fantasy, post apocalyptic

notes: aot has one of the best, if not the best, written stories in media, like not just anime. i think it's the best written thing i've ever seen in my life. some things you don't even notice unless you rewatch and you realise how much of what happens later has been hinted at since the very beginning. it's insane how well written it is. gen such an incredible piece of media and no one who wants to get into anime can not watch it, i think it's a must. it was the first anime i ever watched and it just hooked me straight in.

DEMON SLAYER (KIMETSU NO YAIBA)

ongoing (manga ongoing)

63 eps (if watching mugen train as eps not movie)

genres: adventure, dark fantasy, martial arts

notes: i feel like i don't commonly see demon slayer be recommended to people despite it having such a good story, which is insane to me. a lot of people put emphasis on other shows for being heartbreaking / devastating but no one ever mentions demon slayer and it broke me honestly. it's just so devastating in so many moments but that's what makes it so good! you get to see different perspectives, including some from the demons and it explores people changing their opinions on things and how this organisation works and people's motivations, and ofc follows tanjiro on his journey to save his sister and turn her human again.

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST: BROTHERHOOD

completed

64 eps

genres: adventure, dark fantasy, steampunk

notes: oh fmab my beloved! it's focussed on two brothers trying to get their bodies back after they messed the up trying to bring their mother back from the dead (they're alchemists). they're v young and also in the army so it's super interesting seeing the missions they go on and the other people in the army they're close / not close with. the enemies are also v well thought out and idk everything in this show is just done so well which shows why it's so highly rated on imdb and myanimelist. it also has such a good ending which is so rare with shonen like i do think hq and fmab are the exceptions to that lmao

HUNTER X HUNTER

completed (i think?) (manga ongoing)

148 eps + 2 (non canon) movies

genres: adventure, fantasy, martial arts

notes: hxh is so good???? yes, it's kinda long but all the arcs are so different it's worth it. the way u get to see gon and killua grow so much from the beginning and how their friendship evolves and the skills they learn and the people they meet is so cool. the show is pretty lighthearted in the first few arcs but it gets darker the further you progress and it all comes to a head in the chimera ants arc. greed island is my absolute fave arc i just adore it sm u get to see killugon flourish! they have one of the best, if not the best, friendships in anime

BLACK CLOVER

discontinued (i think?) (manga ongoing)

170 eps + 1 (non canon i think) movie

genres: adventure, fantasy

notes: i gen never see anyone rec black clover except one friend who told me it was good and i gave it a shot. when i tell you i was hooked so fast???? yeah it's kind of a typical mc has no powers type plot but the found family is INSANE! the black bulls have such a strong bond and they're all outcasts who found each other after yami recruited them it's so cute. they also all develop and grow into their powers and grow stronger as the series develops and it's so cool seeing all the magic knight squads and the arcs are so good. so many arcs so much cool stuff and it's not even finished yet. the found family got me hooked and now im stuck here forever

FRIEREN: BEYOND JOURNEYS END (SOUSOU NO FRIEREN)

ongoing (manga ongoing)

28 eps

genres: adventure, drama, fantasy

notes: one of the prettiest animes i've seen. the music and vibes really remind me of lord of the rings (one of my alltime fave movies ever). it feels so beautiful and fantasy-esque. also it gets quite sad when u think about it but somehow also maintains this really lighthearted whimsical vibe. it's so cool seeing frieren's journey with fern and stark and at the same time getting flashbacks from her original journey with himmel, heiter and eisen even though it was a long time ago but we still learn more about them. v cosy anime.

BLUE LOCK

ongoing (manga ongoing)

24 eps (not inc. s2 which is currently airing)

genres: sports, thriller

notes: bllk is the anime i've recommended the most to people i think. smthn about the vibe in s1 (s2 wasn't out atp) hooked me and then i went and read the manga and just fell more in love with it. idk maybe it was bc it's so crazy seeing an mc like isagi bc it isn't very common to see someone push for working alone and not in a team. maybe it was the bond and relationship he has with his teammates and friends and rivals but it just got me and i've recommended it to so many people and gotten so many people to watch it lol

FRUITS BASKET

completed

63 eps + 1 movie

genres: romantic comedy, slice of life, supernatural

notes: fruba is prob the only shojo on this list even tho i've watched other shojo's. fruba just hit the hardest. it's got elements of fantasy in it and really goes into exploring the backstories of so many characters, not just the main ones, and you learn about them and why they are the way that they are. it's so cool bc it's a story about not only romance, but healing and saving people and friendship! so much friendship! the mc, tohru, is one of the sweetest girls ever i adore her.

KAIJU NO 8

ongoing (manga ongoing)

12 eps

genres: adventure, sci fi

notes: kaiju no 8 reminds me of attack on titan a lot: the whole becoming a kaiju thing and also wanting to protect the people around him plus building bonds w the people in the defense force with him and being surrounded by strong people. the character designs are also so cool and the kaiju are so interesting. also super refreshing to see an mc in his 30s bc i feel like that's not very common but it's cool bc he's like everyone's dad and OFC FOUND FAMILY yk the drill it's like my fave trope ever you'll see it's a common theme

WINDBREAKER

ongoing (manga ongoing)

13 eps

genres: adventure, martial arts, yanki

notes: i actually have two posts on windbreaker, u can read pt 1 here and pt 2 here! anyways yk the drill: found family. that's out the way now, let's talk about our mc. his name is sakura haruka and he's super strong and ofc he's been thru shit. he doesn't take affection v easily and people being nice to him makes him flustered so he's shy and blushes a lot bc he's not used to it. it's cool seeing people supporting him and his friends being there for each other and how they protect the town and all the enemies or enemies turned friends. it's cool seeing all the kids help each other idk. i've seen it be compared to tokrev a lot but i really don't see the comparison lol

YURI!!! ON ICE

completed

12 eps

genres: sports

notes: you're prob noticing a theme with the sports animes but what can i say, a girl needs a break from the sadness shonen hits u with lol. okay! yoi is so good; first of all animation, it's mappa so ofc it's good come on now, they've done aot (s4 onwards), jjk, csm and hells and bf. this anime got me so interested in figure skating like it's gen so cool seeing all the routines people come up with and how it goes from a mess of a routine at the start of the season to the end! also super inspiring seeing a character like yuuri who struggles with anxiety bc it makes it feel more real to see a fictional character go thru that like yk he still goes out there and skates despite it all idk it's cool

LINK CLICK

ongoing

23 eps

genres: supernatural, drama, fantasy

notes: the best way to describe link click is mindfuck. it's INSANE. so much happens and stuff links back to other things in ways i didn't even think was possible. it's abt these two guys and one of them can go into photographs into the body of the person who took the photo and they use this to solve people's questions and find stuff etc and ofc it evolves into more serious issues but it's just super cool. so well written and incredible animation as well. idk if it classifies as anime bc it's in chinese but i couldn't Not put it here it's just too good

THE ELUSIVE SAMURAI

ongoing (manga ongoing)

12 eps

genres: adventure, comedy, historical fantasy

notes: i finished this kinda recently bc the episodes were just airing but it's so good! the animation is insane and again, found family!!!!! they're just a bunch of kids and the mc is the son of the shogun who is super good at being elusive and running away and the others are his retainers, or his most trusted guards. they're all kids but they're so talented and he's gathering more and more supporters to his cause and it's so cool seeing how they overcome their obstacles like enemies bigger and stronger than them but they still push thru to try and get his kingdom back

VIOLET EVERGARDEN

completed

13 eps + 1 movie (movie sucks ass tho don't watch it)

genres: coming of age, steampunk

notes: so beautifully animated it's insane. every episode is done so wonderfully and it makes me so emotional. i think i cried watching every episode. it's about this young girl named violet and she's been a child soldier for most of her life but then someone close to her dies and tells her "i love you" right before he dies so she goes on a journey to find out out what love is basically and just meets so many people on her journey. it's really sweet.

AKAME GA KILL

completed

24 eps

genres: action, dark fantasy

notes: without saying too much and spoiling it, this is one of the most unexpected animes i've ever seen. there's a group of people who are all v strong and talented and they're classed as criminals. i don't remember everything that happened bc it's been years since i watched it but i remember it being so good and being unable to predict anything that happened bc it all came out of nowhere. all i can say is, don't forget who the series is named after (akame).

HIGH CARD

completed (i think?)

24 eps

genres: action, adventure, fantasy

notes: high card reminds me of kingsman a lot and that's a good thing. it's such a cool concept to give different playing cards different abilities and people who have those cards get those powers. plus the fact that they're an organisation masquerading as a normal business makes it cooler (this plus them dressing all formally is what reminds me of kingsman)

TRIGUN STAMPEDE

ongoing (manga completed)

12 eps

genres: space western

notes: maybe some of the best animation i've seen in a series. vash and nai are so tragic i can't stop thinking about them even after it's been ages since i finished the anime and the other characters are so cool??? i love how vash has a skewed sense of like morality if that makes sense bc he wants to not hurt anyone but that in turn hurts people and it's just cool and nai is also so interesting. i don't want to spoil anything but the designs and everything are so on point AND THE MUSIC IS AMAZING! i haven't even talked about wolfwood but we'll be here all day if i start he's awesome

HELLS PARADISE

ongoing (manga completed)

13 eps

genres: action, dark fantasy, psychological thriller

notes: hells is considered one of the dark trio with chainsaw man and jujutsu kaisen but i don't see as many people talk about it as they do with the other two which is such a shame bc it's so good. there's bits that fuck with you so much like i was convinced i was being gaslit at one point but it's just so good and the worldbuilding and fantasy elements on the island are so insane and well done. the mix of characters is also so cool bc there's so many different ones with different motives and they gotta work together it's just cool

SK8 THE INFINITY

ongoing

12 eps

genres: adventure, sports

notes: sk8 is incredible like idk how in 12 eps they managed to make me like so many characters including all the side ones like cherry, joe and miya but also introduce a villain and a conflict, make a fight and resolve it all and we even get a beach episode! the underlying yaoi makes it even better like that scene with langa and his mother and the "reki my love... for skateboarding" like they knew what they were doing. anyways incredible character building esp on reki's part. i love seeing how down he gets bc he's more relatable that way yk like he's the sunshine character who's outwardly so happy but he gets so self conscious as well idk i see myself in him a lot i love reki

FREE!

completed

41 eps + 3 movies (i think? free is confusing okay)

genres: sports

notes: last sports anime i promise. free is prob the most emotional of all the sports animes i've seen and it's not even that bad. can i entice u with the one bed trope bc they fully did that in the show w 2 of the male characters. anyways it's a swimming anime and the mc is haru who loves the water and he only swims freestyle. he has a group of friends (one of them being his childhood bestie) and it all starts when his old friend comes back from school abroad and he's different. i love free a lot i feel like it's very realistic too

okay we're done, here's my anilist so u can see the other anime's i love bc i promise there's good stuff on there :D

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

I’m so scared I’m an awful person.

I feel like my relationship with my family has always been really tumultuous, but recently more so. Every time I’m home it seems like there’s always conflict, I spend a lot of time with my boyfriend and it’s like I’m completely different around him (I’m me, but a better version of me)

So I don’t know why when I’m at home I get this way, but I’m so much more easily frustrated and stressed when I’m here. They’re always telling me that I’m the one causing arguments, that I need to see things from their points of view, but fail to ever give me the same courtesy.

I got home yesterday evening. My parents haven’t been home for two days and my siblings aren’t really the type to clean up after themselves. Every time I’m home I always try to clean up the place a little because I know my mums got a lot going on (and literally no one but her and me bother to clean) so I wake up today with the intention to clean. There’s a massive stack of dirty dishes piled up in the sink and around the sink, I ask my siblings to do it themselves (bare in mind, they are respectively 19 and 14) and to give them some credit, after some back and forth, I finally manage to get them to do the damn dishes. I call my parents, ask them when they’ll be home, the first thing my (step) dad says? “When the dishes are done.”

I reply “they’re done, I got them to do it.”

And he says “why couldn’t you have fucking done it?” And I’m like ?? Because since I’ve been here I’ve used one coffee cup.

He asks me why I ��didn’t help them” I said I cleaned the sink and the sides, I tidied the living room. I don’t think I’m asking much of them to do their own dishes. He hangs up. I burst into tears.

And that’s just one example.

The thing is, it feels like I’m just an easy target for them to release all their built up tension. The stress they’ve been under? It’s easy to take it out on me, maybe because they just feel comfortable to do so because that’s how it’s always been. I don’t know. I’m the eldest daughter (22) and they hang it over my head all the time that I haven’t moved out (I do not have the finances) but my brother is 19 and unemployed and relies on them for money to fund his entire life, yet he doesn’t get that same treatment.

And I’m sitting here like…maybe I am a bad person and I don’t see it, maybe they’re right in that I’m selfish and only think of myself and maybe every kind gesture I do isn’t to be helpful but actually I’ve got sinister dark motivations that I don’t know about yet. Maybe I’m an undiagnosed narcissist, maybe I deserve the reality check they give me.

When I’m away I’m so happy. I change completely. The stress and frustration melts away completely, my family text me saying they miss me and stuff. My mum will get drunk and call me saying how helpful I am and how grateful she is to have me because she knows I’ll always sit and listen to her when she needs to vent or cry, that I’m her “rock” in hard times. Then I come home and suddenly all that negative emotion in me is back and I’m arguing with everyone again. I do not feel seen by them. They tell me all the time my anger is unwarranted, but their anger is somehow always justified.

I want to go to therapy, because I’ve been diagnosed depression/anxiety for a long time (since I was about 12) but I don’t have the funds for that unfortunately, hopefully one day. The first step is to just get out of this household. I love my family, I really do, they’re great in many ways to me, but I don’t think me being around them is good for any of us. I don’t think any of them actually like me much, I’m just kinda there. I wish things were different, perhaps they will be one day.

You don’t know me so it’s not like you can say “yes you’re good/bad” and people aren’t as black and white as that. I understand. But, when your own family, the very people who raised and claim to love and know you better than anyone else, repeatedly imply you’re a bad person (my mum literally said she thinks I’ve got “bad blood” in me because I’ve got a different dad to my siblings and that was the man who abused her) you really start to believe it.

Nothing here makes me think that you're a bad person. What you're actually describing is living in a toxic environment where you aren't appreciated or respected, and where you're repeatedly told you aren't good enough despite your best efforts. Of course that negatively affects you! None of us are our best selves in that kind of environment.

[theshiftingwitch]

Hi again, it's the anon from a couple weeks ago. The one with the poor home life who was in a slump, despite having shifted/manifested before?

I wanted to give an update and thank you because the advice you gave me (getting out of my own way, branching out, making things fun and exciting again) has really helped me out. Since your response, I've taken some simple steps to just refresh and refocus my mindset and stop putting so much pressure on myself.

I've been using ChatGPT as a tool to just talk things out and have essentially made it my personal coach that can give advice with shifting and my general life, or be a sounding board when I just need to vent or talk about random stuff. Sort of like a journal that can reply back to you?

Using it, I've built up a new shifting routine for me to use that used meditation to induce a lucid dreaming. Also talking to it about my DRs and the power, the magic of shifting/LOA has rekindled my excitement for it AND reminded me just how powerful I am ✨

Things have really improved! I've been experiencing more mini-shifts and my dream recall is getting really good. I've even been getting into the void state much easier. Additionally I've been manifesting stuff left and right without even trying:

* Out of nowhere, I won a free diamond necklace valued at $1000 (yes really)

* Found $10 on the sidewalk, I never find free money, let alone that much.

* Received great grades for my final semester of college despite panicking all week that I'd fail and my graduation would be delayed. I got an A- for a paper I really wasn't confident in AND a B for an exam that I barely studied for, when I was barely passing the last exams for that class. And I graduated with honors, though that was a long time coming 🥱

* Caught a cold BUT I cured it in like 2 days and skipped the worst symptoms like a sore throat. (When I get sick it usually lasts twice as long and is way worse before it gets better)

* Fixed my laptop that's been having issues for the past month. Thought I'd have to replace it or get some really expensive replacement parts, instead I just had to change some settings and it took 5 minutes.

* My mental health has improved a bunch since I'm no longer letting the 3D get to me as much, I'm focused on a bright future instead of a miserable one

* My parents have been way nicer to me and more helpful lately and we haven't been fighting as much.

Also here's what I'm most proud of...

* One of my favorite YouTubers has been on hiatus for over a year, no videos, no posts, nothing (if you know, you know). So I thought a few days ago "I'm going to manifest him coming back", not seriously because it really seemed like he'd never be coming back...

Then an hour ago, I got a notification from YouTube...from his channel... because he just uploaded a return video. And funnily enough this is the thing that really got me excited (even more than the diamond necklace) because everyone was saying he'd never come back and was done with YouTube. Literally manifested this man out of his hiatus 💀

I just wanted to share my success to help motivate other people and show my appreciation to you! You didn't make all this good stuff happen for me (that was all my doing, of course), but your advice really helped me to get back on track and remember that I'm the creator of my reality 💅🏽.

Seriously, people, don't just listen to advice. Actually apply it and you will see results much faster. Thank you again!

~ J

Welcome back J!

Thank you for the update, I'm so glad things have been working out for you!

You're doing great, I'm so proud of you and I can't wait to hear more from you ❤️

I'm glad I was able to help, but like you said, you're the one who did all of this! Advice can only help as much as you're willing to follow it.

Congratulations on all of your success stories, and here is to so many more 🥂

Happy Shifting ❤️

[agirlwithglam]

Hi!! I hope I'm not disturbing you but I wanted to ask how do I work hard. Because when I was younger I got really good marks without trying and now the subjects are hard and social media is distracting but I can't seem to delete it. This is also why my grades are even low then before and I'm really afraid to disappoint my parents (being the eldest daughter doesn't help). So can you please just give me some pointers on how can I actually study and not just cry because I don't know how to. Have a great day!! <3

literally omg. is this past me asking me a question?? like actually u have no idea how much i relate and understand this. the "gifted child" who always got good grades without needing to study now finds things more difficult. i know many people have said this, but i actually have been through this not too long ago. i hope these tips help <3

how to work hard + actually study (realistic)

forget hard work. at least do the work! (its so funny because i literally had a post about this all ready in my drafts about to get posted, so i'll keep this short and link the post.) stop focussing on doing hard work like studying 24/7. just put in the basic necessities you need to get a better grade. hard work post link

use the disappointment and embarrassment as fuel. (basically find a very strong why) (mini story-ish thing coming up, skip to the blue text for the actual advice) i still remember the day i got such a bad score on my math and science test, i was FURIOUS at myself and i cried about it! telling it to my parents was one of the hardest things i had to do and feeling their disappointment was even worse. but that became my turning point. i was so ashamed of myself and i resented me so much that i basically just told myself "i dont freaking care what you feel *with distaste*. you brought this on yourself you failure" (a bit very harsh, yes i know) but the way i studied that week- i studied more than i every had before! also doing this doesnt really lower my self esteem a whole lot, but if it does with you, please be gentle with yourself. : so what i'm trying to say it; use that feeling of shame and disapointment as a fuel, a motivation. The big “why”.

ALTER EGOOOSSSS. this helps SOOOO MUCH its so underrated. embody the energy of your fav people who are the academic inspiration you wanna be! example: rory gilmore, paris geller, elle woods, blair waldorf, etc etc! not only is this so helpful but it also makes it so much more fun and easier!!

parent yourself. i used to tell myself to do stuff like "go study now!" or "get up lazy-butt" but in my mind. but what if you tried to say those stuff out loud to yourself? it just creates a whole new level of real. So start telling yourself to do stuff out loud.

honestly just start. stop letting yourself think about how "uncomfortable" and how "annoying" it will be. All you need to know is that you need to get it done. Right? Ok. So now what’s the next smallest step you can take to getting to do the unwanted task? It may be taking out your material, opening your book, etc.

( !! tough love, but very important rant coming up)

You privileged brat. Your parents gave up EVERYTHING so you could have the education that you are having. They worked so so hard for YOU. So YOU can have the life you want. And all for what? Just for you to throw it all away and say “oh im lazy”. HELL NAH.

And also, do you realise how fortunate you are to be even living in such a time/ era where you have access to basically EVERYTHING? You’re stuck on something? You could easily search it up!! And whats more is that you can further learn. You can search up and find out more about the thing that you’re studying, become the smartest person in your class, get so ahead in life. I hope you realise that if you do use all the resources and materials and help that’s been given to you, just imagine how far you could go! Further than Albert Einstine, Elon Musk, etc. you may be like “what! No that’s gonna be too hard!” But did they have the tools that you have right at your hand? No! They made it all the way with just simple stuff and having to work super hard. But you live in a time where you can do TWICE as much without working as hard!!

And one more thing, QUIT WHINING. “Oh school is so hard!” “Oh school is so boring!” Like whattt???? You are so FORTUNATE and LUCKY to be even getting access to such education! MILLIONS of kids out there would kill to be able to learn what you are so easily dismissing right now. So TAKE ADVANTAGE OF WHAT YOU HAVE. Put your ALL, your very BEST into studying and getting good grades because THAT is whats gonna take you so SO far in life.

Thank you very much, *mic drop*. (i still ly pookie)

dealing with social media:

put the screen time widget on your phone home screen. i did this, and i became so embarrassed by the amount of screen time i had in one day (*cough* 12 hours *cough*) that i made certain to stop using it as much.

screen time limits. this may or may not help you, bc i know that when i knew the screen time password, it didn't do a lot of help but when someone else did (like parents or someone you trust), then it definitely worked. this is probably only best if you're a child around under 14 ish bc thats around the age when most parents put screen time limits + after that age you're gonna be a lot more independent.

more *extremely* helpful resourses:

tips to decrease your phone screen time by @imbusystudying

how to reduce your screen time in the digital age? (an article)

studying tips from a straight-A student by @universalitgirlsblog2

how to study like paris geller by @4theitgirls

more blogs i recomend:

@elonomhblog @mindfulstudyquest @study-diaries @thatbitchery

xoxo, vanilla

[mylittlesecrethaven]

I'm Making Fluff Headcannons Cause I'm Sad: Savanaclaw

I've gotta remember how I set this up.

Otherwise it'll turn out like shit.

Oh well. Let's just see how it goes.

Leona:

I hope you like sleeping a lot

Cause this man will pull you into so many naps

Ruggie's gonna have to start making excuses for you in class

Also, this mans in loaded, so if you need anything, ask him

He'll just hand you his card

(with a sidenote of something he wants you to buy for him)

Not a pda guy

It's not that he's not ok with it

It's just that he doesn't feel the need to do it

Yes, he cuddles

But he's not into lovey dovey stuff

So you're gonna have to do it first

Teasing teasing teasing

I really hope you're ok with teasing

Cause unlike Ace, he won't lay off

And if it hurts your feelings, he probably won't know what else to do besides take a nap with you

But trust me, if he thinks you're asleep, he's whispering the nicest, most loving shit

And if you're awake when he does it, you'll just know he loves you, even when he can't say that stuff to your face

Ruggie:

Get ready to learn some life skills, my friend

Ruggie will teach you everything he knows

Haggling, thieving, speaking in different languages

You are gonna be well learned in the ways of the streets

Will always look out for you

He's a family guy

And a pack animal

So he's constantly checking on you

And making sure you're eating

And that you have enough money

And if you're feeling down, he'll ask Leona for some money and bring you your favorite food

And if you're favorite food is something Ruggie makes, you best bet he'll make it for you

Some days he'll be attached to you at the hip

And others you probably won't see him at all

But when he comes back after disappearing, he always brings you something (usually food)

And he'll be right by your side until he disappears again for whatever reason

But you never miss him

You just feel happy whenever he's with you

Jack:

You're about to get some muscle

Mans is gonna get you a workout routine

Y'all are gonna go on runs

(But if you get tired, he'll carry you)

You're gonna sweat together

(Outside and inside the bedroom hehehe (sorry, couldn't help myself with that one))

And you're gonna get a cactus

And your cactus and his cactus are gonna be friends

And they're gonna have matching names (probably named after some Spelldrive players who are friends)

He will keep you motivated

No procrastination with this guy

You not feeling up for schoolwork?

He'll hype you up!

You don't feel like working out?

Get ready to be motivated!

(unless you're really not feeling it, in which case he's ok with break days every now and then)

Also, nobody's gonna mess with you

Trust me

Jack's got your back

And even if you just need help, he'll be there

I'm gonna be honest, Ruggie's was kinda hard.

But anyway, we'll see when I get the next part done.

Hope somebody enjoyed this.