#YOU CANT TELL ME WHAT TO DO ALFRED

[quolant]

smallville clark and battinson bruce in the 00s is the superbat content i didnt know i needed lol

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being the Justice League’s computer intelligence

Justice League x reader

warnings:

a/n: THANKS BABE. this is such an old request i am so freaking sorry

prompt: anonymous: “Hello! I would like to request a Justice League (DC Extended Universe) + Reader who is sort of their 'Person in the Chair' - helping behind the scenes to keep their weapons/powers/skillset in tact, but is not afraid to fight back if necessary? I would like these to be a set of headcanons, please? Thank you and Happy Writing! P.S. You're writing is incredible!”

you and alfred got along well

“glad i’m not the only one doing the grunt work anymore” -alfred

“and i was under the impression you loved this job” -you, sarcastically

you could frequently be found switching between important sites that actually helped during missions and reddit

“alfred hang on i want your opinion on this: ‘am i the asshole for trying on my bosses suit? i (25m) work with some pretty famous people and my boss (45m) has a really cool suit. it’s a little stiff but i think i like it. anyways, there’s a matching hat (if you will) and it smells AWFUL, so i sprayed it with febreeze but it only made it worse—’” -you

“hang on. this cant be…” -alfred

“HOW DID YOU FIND MY REDDIT ACCOUNT?!” -barry, over comms

“your name is scarletspeedster, and we’ve been trying to wash that febreeze smell from the cowl for weeks.” -you

“my god, barry. next time, just use an old suit” -alfred

“really?!” -barry

“no” -you and alfred

you do a lot of gadget/weapon design with JL members

“it’s acceptable” -bruce

“wow, thanks” -you

“it’s…it’s good work. i mean it” -bruce

diana sits with you and tells you stories, sometimes theyre very informational

“so if you ever do end up fighting, you’re going to want to craft a very nice sword for yourself. i know you’re good at that, you’ll do just fine” -diana

barry nerds out with you sometimes

he gets real excited when he sees you designing stuff on the computer

and tries to be helpful

“wind resistance might be a problem with this design, you should go sleeker” -barry

“hey, barry? if you don’t let me do my job im gonna design a tool specifically to shut you up” -you

“harsh!” -barry

“sorry, maybe a little too far. but let me work” -you

arthur wanted cooler clothes

“can i get you some material from atlantis so you can make me a nicer suit?” -arthur

“only if you bring me extra so i can have fun with it” -you

“not a problem for the king, its a deal” -arthur

clark didn’t really need/want much

but he was a great help when testing new weapons and suits

“can you just…laser vision that target right ahead. new suit material” -you

“yeah, stand back” -clark

it held for a good 20 seconds

“better than i thought” -you

you were their eyes in the sky on missions

directions, lookout, enemies, obstacles, detours, you name it

and yeah, maybe victor could also do a great deal of this stuff, but you got to do it behind the scenes and you actually got paid pretty well for it

but occasionally you did ask him for tech support

“victor, the batcomputer froze” -you

“i know, i did that on purpose” -vic

“can you unfreeze it so i can see what’s going on?” -you

“what’s the password?” -vic

*sigh* “ilovevicstone123” -you

diana let you spar with her sometimes

which honestly scared you every time bc you know she could kill you if she wanted to (but you knew she would never)

(but she could)

you’d never be apart of the justice league, which was very okay with you because you loved being behind the scenes and not being shot at

and so long and you had tea with alfred while the rest of them were kicking ass, you’d manage

taglist: @locke-writes // @captainshazamerica // @summersimmerus // @deanzboyfriend // @zoeyserpentluck // @mr-mxyzptlk-1940 //

[razzledazzle0]

monster

Tim: hey Jason wanna hear a secret?

Jason: sure

Tim: I don't drink coffee all the time like you guys think I do

Jason: what? your lying

Tim: no, I pretend I do so when Bruce or Alfred tell me I cant have anymore I just drink energy drinks

Jason: Then what were you drinking this morning?

Tim: iced tea in my coffee cup

Jason: but why are you telling me this?

Tim: because no one will ever believe you

Jason: you monster..

[generational-atrophy]

omgg i cant stop giggling n kicking my feet BUT can i request gn!reader 'accidentally' leaving a lipstick kiss mark on russia, america, canada, greece and japan before they leave for the day and the countries dont notice until either from a mirror or someone else points it out? AAOUGUGGH

hetalia russia, america, canada, greece, and japan when their s/os leave a kiss in lipstick

1.6k words ~ gender neutral headcanons

tw: none!

a/n: hjey guys did you know being a costume director is time consuming? i did not. send help. also enjoythis idk

Russia

It was never an easy affair to get Ivan out of the house. His clinginess combined with how admittedly boring his job was made it near impossible for him to leave without you forcing him to. Today was one of those days, and you were beginning to think you’d have to leave with him.

"But darling, can't you understand? It's so cold and miserable out there..." He whines as he holds you.

He's got you positioned so that you're standing between his legs while he sits on the couch, his arms wrapped tightly around you and his head resting against your chest. So... no escape available without coaxing.

"I know, I know, but you'll be late..."

"They will be ok without me, but I won't be ok without you!"

All you can do is sigh until you're suddenly struck with an idea. You can't go with him, but you can leave something with him. And looking down at his snow-white skin, you have just the idea.

"But you won't have to be without me, Vanya!" You chide, tilting his head up to look at you. His face lights up instantly.

"What do you mean?"

Instead of responding, you lean down and press a soft kiss against his forehead, leaving a pink imprint of your lips on his face.

"That one was magic, ok? It'll stay with you the whole day, so I'll always be with you!" It's childish, and you're struggling not to laugh, but his innocent expression tells you all you need to know. He'll finally let you go, none the wiser as to what you really meant.

-

"Ah- Mr. Braginsky..." Some random intern was forced to prompt later in the day, his tone fearful as to how Ivan would react.

"Yes?"

"You... you have something on- on your face..."

"Huh?" He reaches up to wipe where the intern had gestured, but only smiles when he comes away with your favourite lipstick. He decides that whatever left can stay... it's just your magic, after all.

America

Alfred was a busy man for all the effort he expended to prevent that exact reality. He'd much rather spend all day playing video games at home with you, but duty calls. Though, now, was just glad that for once, you were busy as well.

“Hey, babe!” He greets you with a bright smile, resting his hand on your shoulder before moving to sit across from you. The meeting spot he had chosen was busy, but at least it wasn't far from either places you two needed to be.

“Were you waiting long?”

“No, not really,“ You respond with a sigh, twirling the straw in your drink.

”Well, that's good because uh- bad news, I won't be able to stay l-“

”Ugh! Seriously?“

He shrinks a little, fidgeting with his hair, ”Yeah, I know, but like- I can't reall-“

”Do they know you're a person? Like, a person who needs to live?“

“Technically, I'm not, babe,” He laughs, “But I appreciate how protective you are anyway.“

He continued to talk with you for a while, about your day, his day, a weird guy he saw on the street, about how you can't keep threatening his boss because he's the president- until after only a few moments, his phone rang.

He sucked in a quick breath and accepted it, only speaking for a second. Then, he got up with a dramatic groan.

“That's my cue. I guess I'll see you later, K?”

But he wasn't about to get away that easy. You shot up, grabbing onto his tie and pulling closer so you could kiss his cheek quickly.

“For good luck,” You assure, and he grins.

-

“What are you guys laughing about?” Alfred asks as soon as he goes back to work, looking nervously at the group of co-workers pointing at him.

“Got something on your face, man!”

Instantly, he realizes what happened and hurriedly wipes it off. His face is red with embarrassment, but he can't deny the butterflies in his stomach.

Canada

No matter how long you've been together, Matthew never stopped trying to be the picture-perfect boyfriend. At least, that's what you thought as he chose to show up with roses when he came to pick you up. It might've been a fancy event, but you're sure no one else would be doing that kind of thing. But who were you this kind of attention?

“Uhm- good evening, Y/N,” He stutters out as you let him come in for a moment.

“Awww, you shouldn't have!“ You take the roses from him and set them aside.

”It- It's nothing, really-“

”Most men wouldn't even think of that anymore...“ You assure him. He looks sheepish now as if he hadn't expected you to like your gift.

”Then- then, um- they should learn how to t-treat their partners...“

How cute. You walk over to him and stand on your toes to kiss his cheek, to which he immediately stiffens and blushes.

“Thank you, Matthew.”

“Ye-Yeah, uh-huh- yeah- y-you're welcome,” He mumbles, looking down in embarrassment. The colour gracing his cheeks almost perfectly matches the mark your lipstick left behind. You begin to say something about it, but before you can, he frantically cuts you off.

“So- we should get g-going right? Right, time to go...” He blurts out, taking your hand and almost dragging you out to the car.

-

Finally, once you two arrived at the event, you gathered the courage to tell him.

While you two walked, arm in arm, up to the main entrance, you suddenly blurted out, ”You have lipstick on your cheek!“

Except by that time, more than a couple of people had seen him. causing him to instantly freeze up.

The colour drained from his face, and he weakly whimpered out, ”Um, c-could you- uh- g-get it?“

You immediately obliged, cleaning off his cheek. He was embarrassed, but it was still on his mind all night.

Greece

“But do you have to?”

“Yes.”

“But-”

“I’m not getting out of this one, ok?”

“But I don’t want you to go…” His protests were typical, but that didn’t make them any less annoying. Although, it’s hard to resist him when he’s clinging to you like a lost puppy and he smells like he just finished cooking.

“It’ll only be a few hours, ok?” You sigh, finally finishing your makeup.

All he can do now is whine softly, which makes you realize there may be only one way to stop his desperate clinginess. You turn around in his arms, take his pleading face in your hands, and press frenzied kisses all over it. Instantly, his eyes light up and his lips form a dopish smile, and you know you’re free.

“Is that better?” You ask, and he nods. But before you let go, you have to admire how silly he looks with your lips painted all over his face.

-

By the time you return home, it’s already dark. The house is quiet, and when you check the time, you realize he would’ve fallen asleep hours ago. But considering how exhausted you are already, it’s nothing but a relief.

When you enter your shared bedroom, your thoughts are confirmed. He’s already passed out, his broad body splayed haphazardly over your blankets. At first, you don’t think anything of it. But when you turn on the light to get ready for bed, you notice the red stains still sitting on his cheeks.

Somehow, throughout the entire rest of the day, he never looked in the mirror long enough to notice the lipstick covering his face. Or, maybe he did, and just decided that your tokens of affection could stay.

Japan

Kiku was never late. Not even when tired, sick, or at war, was he late to anything. So, the one day that he allowed himself to relax with you, was naturally the first day in centuries that he hadn’t been an hour early. 

“It’s gonna be alright!” You call out from the bathroom while you do your makeup, and he doesn’t even waste the time to respond. Even from all the way across the house, you can hear him desperately throwing things together.

“It is not alright!”

“You’ll still be on time!” That doesn’t seem to convince him to calm down at all, as you can hear his panicked breaths growing louder as he makes his way over to the entry door.

“Wait, wait, hold on,” You insist, and he pauses for a moment. When you meet him at the door, he looks a mess. His hair was askew, his eyes wild with panic, and his tie nearly all the way to the side.

You sigh and begin tidying him up. He relaxes under your touch, you can tell even from under his layers of stoicism; although he can’t allow himself to bask in your attention for long.

“I must go-”

“I know, I know, just…” You pull him forward, quickly pressing a kiss to his cheek. He blushes but doesn’t let that distract him. In a moment, he’s gone out the door.

-

After a frenzied drive into the city, he can finally breathe a sigh of relief. 10 minutes early… not great, but enough. He looks in the mirror one last time, making sure he looks his best before he finally steps out into the public when he notices it. The print of your lipstick, still on his cheek.

His touch lingers on it for a moment, his breathing stilling, before he rubs it off. You’ll just have to replace it later, he tells himself before he finally steps out of the car.

[bruciemilf]

I will say, it is so fun thinking about the Waynes and their relationship with food. But specifically Bruce.

We get such little light shed on the Waynes before the Big Terrible happened. Like. How were Wayne dinners like?

Were they terribly posh and quiet with small moments of fun thrown in? Was Alfred scolding Thomas for telling a star eyed Bruce unnecessarily gory details from a surgery?

Did Martha help Bruce break into the cookie jar? Was there a lovely, playful gossip about Bruce's loud classmates and his adorable crush on Gray Ghost?

Because I like that! But I'd also like it to be a complete juxtaposition.

I want Bruce to talk about his family, to his children, with a smile that could melt the sun. I want him to tell them about the noise.

How the Wayne manor was permanently flooded with a noise and boister that could rival a packed 5 star kitchen.

How Thomas always cooked with a dry cigarette in his mouth, arguing with uncle Jacob about forks of all things.

Why were they smudged, why were they placed randomly and not organised with militaristic precision, while Martha watched with the fondest annoyance.

How Thomas would cuss filthy in Italian only when Bruce was around and only Oz could understand him, long before he was the Penguin, long before Bruce was Batman.

"It's about culture. Not that you'd understand, Jakey."

And uncle Jacob never entertained his father for long. He'd throw a dirty look, his obsidian eyes sharp as a switchblade, and mutter a 'bitch' in Russian, while Alfred sat there judging them both.

The Waynes were chaos with heartbeats. And Bruce's favorite event at these diners? The food fights. It's always uncle Philip who started them.

"Wow, Jay eating steak. Never thought I'd see this day."

" It's venison."

" Vinison?" Thomas would finally take a break from his unlit cigarette, holding Bruce in his lap like a king would a prized cat.

A collective sigh rang among the table. They knew what was coming. " What are you, fuckin' crazy? That's fuckin' cannoli, dipshit."

"With vinison."

"Jacob."

" Tom."

"Martha."

" Honey."

" You come into my house, not knowing what a goddam cannoli is? Fuck are you gonna tell me next, you don't put garlic in your Carbonara? I mean."

" Garlic is disgusting."

And Thomas would cover Bruce's ears like that's the most offensive thing uncle Jacob could utter at Thomas Wayne's table. And Uncle Oz agreed. Their favorite pastime was ganging up on Martha's oldest brother.

And it starts off as something minuscule and petty and mutates in something loud and ugly and breathtaking.

Bruce would watch with an open mouth in Alfred's lap, as his father's neck popped with veins, and uncle Jacobs pale complexion would blush something angry as the skin of his throat thinned from yelling.

"FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, YOUR PRESIDENT IS A VODKA DRINKING, BALDING, COMMIE PIECE OF SHIT."

"YOU'RE AMERICAN. "

" I CANT HELP THAT, I WAS BORN LIKE THAT!"

And it wasn't a true Saturday dinner unless Thomas didn't leap across the table, running over all the food to smash whatever dish into Jacobs face.

But truly, the best part, was watching them go from fight dogs to eating outside in time-out. As different as his father and uncle were, they could always find agreement on one topic:

Defying Martha Wayne was painfully stupid.

They'd share a cigarette and eat in silence, which was as friendly as they'd ever get. But he loved it. Bruce loved Saturday dinner.

And when the batkids start the fighting tradition on Saturdays, Bruce thinks they do, too.

[i-cant-sing]

Hmmm I could get tired over any fandom but.... batfam???? Yall would never see me tired of talking about them.

Like think just how absolutely batshit crazy they'd go if reader fractures her limb or something. Maybe reader like slips off the stairs or falls from a swing or something, and the batfam- they have to watch it all happen in slow motion, and nothing- there's absolutely nothing they can do to help you. It's scarring for Dick to watch the color drain from your face as you drip to the ground. It's scarring for Jason to hear the nasty crack as your bone bends in an ugly handle. It's scarring for Tim to hear you scream in pain. It's scarring for Damian to see the blood pour out of your body. And it's oh so heart wrenching for Bruce to hear you cry into his chest as he carries you to Alfred to get your cast done.... how hopeless he felt, unable to soothe your pain.

But things only seem to go even more downhill from there. As you recover, the family has silently decided to double down on their paranoia and be even more coddling and protective of you. You wanna walk down the stairs? Nope, here comes big bro Jason to hold your hand- or better yet, carry you around in his arms. Why risk you even tripping over air?

Wanna get something from the top shelf? Stand back, dont need the shelf or something heavy falling over your head and cracking your skull open. Let Dick pull the cookie jar down for you- but why are you even eating cookies this late???? You need to get some healthy nutrients in you, lest you should have weak frail bones. Heres your broccoli.

Wanna play video games or go on socials? Well, no more! Dont need you getting influenced by the violent storylines and bad news from around the world- Tim wouldnt your mental health to be affected. If you really want, you can use his laptop... under his supervision.

What the fuck do you think youre doing staying up past your bedtime? What do you mean youre too old to have a bedtime???? Get your ass back in bed before Damian drags you back like a gremlin and REMINDS you of the bedtime he has set for YOU, because he doesnt need you becoming an insomniac and turning insane. He will not be the one to bust you out of Arkham asylum (he absolutely would, but hed be complaining all the way) just because you decided you didnt need your 10 hours of sleep!

Wanna go to your therapist? Well, you cant cause he suddenly moved far away and every other therapist in gotham is a maniac in disguise. Bruce doesnt get why you cant just talk to him about your feelings??? Dont you trust him? Your dear father, the very man whod hold you in his arms and shield you from the scary lightening when you were young? The very man who you would ramble on to about everything and anything, including tattling on Damian locking you in his room and throwing a tantrum when Jason took you away when you were all kids? You can tell him anything sweetie, even if you wanna bitch about the batfam... it'll hurt a bit, but hed be okay (absolutely has big sad eyes when you tell him how everyones just too suffocating for you and you wanna leave them)

[frownyalfred]

Hello! I'm new-ish to the whole superbat thing & even newer to fics. I came across your ao3 and your fic "misty" was INSANE (positive) i could not put it down, it was so spooky and fantastic and amazing & i was just wondering (idk if you get this a lot and i'm just repeating what you hear everyday & being annoying but) do you by any chance, have any plans of ever picking it up again? at some point? for an extra chapter or epilogue or anything really (i will take anything) 😮‍💨😭

Feel free to tell me fuck off btw.. I'm just curious & enchanted by your work.. all my flowers & kudos to you, oh and you cant see this but im vowing rn

Thank you so much! I’m really glad you enjoyed. I think I will be leaving that fic with the open ending since I think part of the horror, that we share with Bruce, is not fully knowing the truth ourselves either — is it Kal? Did he come back with him? Is he upset? Did Bruce miss him? Was it really just the open windows/snow like Alfred claimed? Was their impossible love truly not all that impossible after all?

If someone would like to write a sequel or epilogue, I highly encourage it. But my version of the fic will probably end there, since it’s just a fascinating note to me. Horror, love, betrayal, uncertainty — all striking Bruce (and us) in one chilling moment.

[delphientropy]

BLOCK LIST

BIG LIST OF A BUNCH O PEEPS I BLOCKED

as well as why! i'll add on as i go!:)

we do NOT condone harassment, please just block.

includes: pro/endos, radqueer, transID, anti good faith, and more!! XP

first off, so were on the same page, what are these and why are they bad?

pro/endos: try to demedicalize a dissociative disorder, claim you can be a system without trauma, more info here 👉 [X] [X] (both are carrds that link multiple sources) (sorry they didnt save ill put it in later)

radqueer: these are people who transIDs (transage, transrace, etc. these people claim to identify as a different race or even pretend to "transition" into being disabled like transautistic) or ARE them.

anti good faith: good faith identities are basically identities made in good faith. this tends to encompass "contradictory" identities such as lesboys and other mspec identities. anti good faith people police gender and sexuality identities and invalidate these peoples experiences and try to exclude them from spaces or tell them what THEIR sexuality is. dont be misguided into thinking you're doing good if you exclude these people, its splitting up the lgbtq+ community, and thats what they (TERFs, anti-lgbtq+) want us to do.

now onto the blocklist!:)

radfems, TERFs, and transmeds

pach1-pach1 (deleted his dni but befor it was deleted it said that they support vivzie, are anti xenogenders and neoprns iirc, and anti good faith. a reply on my post abt telling ppl to block them also said theyre a transmed, so did another account. theyve also been seen harassing anti endos despite claiming to be it himself) (they own syspunk-is-anti-endo-losers as well)

radfem-vex

mint-fem

PRO/ENDO

boosystem

domni99

pluralpolls

youokaybro

plural-blocklist

eunoiasys

circulars-reasoning

citadelofmarks

inclusysboxes

thestarpletsystem

bunfart90

alterhuman-culture-is

interstellarsystem

bokuwaamdalla

brainmade-culture-is

fictive-culture-hub

navelgazed

pluralprompts

astrophale-and-fischl

syscourse101

aura-dragonfly

parsnipkit

phantomhunt

funnier-as-a-system

funnier-as-a-fictive

multiplicity-positivity

analog-transid (also transID, as implied in the name) (they run the blog alters-in-a-box which is one of those alter pack things)

freezingnarc

whore-hangout (its 18+ as implied keep yourself safe)

notteserver

cardsoffools (harassed me and told me to kms 🫶)

fools-temps (run by cardsoffools)

the-bride-and-the-ugly-ass-groom

RADQUEERS

stashys-radqueer-userboxes

1nklingsanitized

bisexualsafespace

radqueer-empire

maskaphiliax (also transID, also they have alfreds playhouse in their banner so please be safe)

ANTI GOOD FAITH

kowalapantheon (also a.. "plural aligned singlet?") (headmate blogs are nonexistent-loli, trans-obsessive-love-disorder, ex-harmful-transpeaceful)

forced-silence (18+, lots of violence, please beware on their page)

zomb-bunny (also think they harassed someone??? i cant remember or find the post)

starry-city-sys

endopropoganda

parxgender (also ace exclusive, anti pan/omni, and anti mogai)

yourfavehatesmspeclesbians (because god forbid someone have a complex relationship with gender and sexuality.)

mspobjects

the-party-city

pollingsystems (also doesnt believe in transandrophobia. wtf.)

OTHER

anti-lies (spreads misinformation that can be paranoia-inducing)

theinfernalcollective (claims that bullying isnt valid enough to be a system) (TRAUMA IS TRAUMA.)

disys (same as above)

permababy (transID, doesnt label themself as radqueer but does reblog it)

problema-non-grata (pro transID discourse blog)

thefakersystem (demonizes systems and those with personality disorders, anti good faith, fakeclaimer (literally, fakeclaims EVERYONE.) harasses people minding their own business, overall the worst asshole i think ive ever blocked. dear fucking lord.)

cringey-systems (dumbbb dumb baby fakeclaimer doesnt think systems are real dumb idiot baby man who reblogs systems and calls them fake because they have no life ♡)

ALTER PACKS

(people who make ID packs for people to "create" their own headmates, all are pro endo, radqueer, and transID)

build-a-headmate

alterpacks

headmatestickerbook

naris-alter-shop

brainpal-gachapon

[celaenaeiln]

Bruce: *sees a motorcade come up on his right* *ignores*

Timmy in the back eying the group suspiciously: ….

*tapping on glass*

Dick: B, there’s someone tapping on my side.

Bruce: Don’t roll the window down they could be-

Dick: *already rolling the window down* *GASP* ROMMEY?! ROMMEY! ROMMEY!!

A 45 yr old grizzled man with a smoker’s voice, nicknamed Rommey by Dick: heya Dickie, how it’s going kiddo.

Dick: ROMMEY IM SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU AGAIN!

Another motorbiker with a full claw scar down his face: what about the rest of us, kid? Forget about us?

Dick: MANES! DERRICKA! IZZY!!

Derrick-I take down mercenaries for fun but let a kid I like call me DERRICKA-Rolan: You little shit, why’d we not hear from you after you fucked off to neverland huh?!

Isabella-what? Someone went missing? I had nothing to do with it, it’s total coincidence that I hated him-Hodges: Maybe he doesn’t like us, Der. That right, Dickie?

Dick: *flabbergasted* No!! It’s a long story! After I left I ran out of gas and then some girl crashed into my bike and sent it flying off the cliff but I dove off it first and then I had to walk to the nearest motel on bare feet because I gave her my shoes and then I met this half bear half man and I’ll be pleased to tell you that it was a beary bearable encounter once he got his bearings hahahahaha- *progressively climbing out of the car as the story goes on*

Bruce: Dick! Get back in the car! *having one hand on the steering wheel and grabbing the back of his shirt with the other to keep his wayward son from falling out*

Dick: Wait- *accidently twisting too far and nearly braining himself on the speeding asphalt*

Rommey: DICK!

Bruce: DICK!

Rommey, Derricka, Izzy, and Manes: *grabbing the front half to prevent Dick from becoming like two-face*

Bruce: *letting go of the wheel to grab Dick’s bottom half for the same reason*

Tim: *high pitched screaming from the back* DICK! Tₕₑ Wₕₑₑₗ! ₜₕₑ Wₕₑₑₗ!!!

Bruce: *struggling to pull his son in while the motorcade struggles to pull him out to sit on a bike thus leading to Dick hanging in limbo out the window of a car going 80mph on a freeway* GRAB THE WHEEL TIM

Tim: *sacrificing a few ribs on the edge of the front car seat* IM TRYING! I CANT REACH THE CRUISE CONTROL AND DONT LEAN BACK AND OH MY GOD SIGN POST! SIGN POST! THE POST! THE POSSSTTTTT!!!

Dick, Bruce, Tim, and motorcade: *furious screaming and shouting and panicking*

*2 hours later*

*Arriving at the manor*

Jason: damn what happened to you lot, you look like you went through hell and back.

Bruce and Tim: *drained, pale-faced, messy, sweating, and heaving*

Dick: *a curl of hair falling elegantly into his shining eyes* I just had the time of my life, Jay!

Jason who is well acquainted with Dick’s “Time of the life”s: ah. My condolences.

Tim: Never again. *flopping on the ground and cater-pilling his way up the stairs*

Damian: Father, this is such disgraceful attire! Fix yourself at once, mother would be embarrassed by such a visage! What in holy reincarnation have you been doing?!

Bruce: Never again, Dick.

Dick: it’s nothing Dami, they were just helping me.

Damian: Father, I am ashamed of you. Why must you devolve to such a state when you assist Grayson, he is perfectly capable of extraordinary feats without your input. I suggest you refrain from interfering with his success again.

Bruce:

Bruce: Damian, you-

Dick: Bruce. *smiling pleasantly*

Jason: *immediately sneaking off*

Bruce’s life momentarily flashing before his eyes: …..nothing. Go finish your homework. *trudging off to whine to Alfred about how no one’s gonna believe him*

Dick: *sincerely* what a great day! 😊

[taerrorize]

I am begging BEGGING for someone to send me a fic like this I have searched high and low and I’ve found NOTHING

I want to read a fic where Alfred adopts Dick so Dick & Bruce have more of a “he’s the much older weird emo brother” kinda relationship I just think it would be Hilarious. The bickering alone would be phenomenal. I want it so badly but also Bruce still has to be the one to adopt all the others and Dick absolutely brags abt how he’s Not

[staarfrvit]

and top 5 dick & bruce moments <3

vechh you know me and you know how much i LOVE this question!! i'd take literally any excuse to talk about them.. there's just soo much to choose from so i was dying while doing thiss. the one's id choose are pretty generic but i love them all the same::

that moment from obsidian age when faith tells dick about what bruce said to her. dick being so surprised that she assumed bruce was his father and even more surpised at what made her think that way? u are both freaks. the fact that bruce can so casually say this to anyone else but never actually say it to dick's face.. they r CURSED. also dick's expressions!! genuinely jla obsidian age is such a foundational nightwing comic.

"The only time I ever feel pride is when I look at Nightwing. Sometimes I think he's the only thing I ever did right."

their wholee argument during prodigal. love it when they ream each other out, or more likely, dick reams bruce out while bruce stands there because everything he does has a reason dick, and he has a good explanation!! but also because they are soo unwell. bruce thinking dick would never wanna be batman because he has already built nightwing for himself-- which is so much better! bruce truly believes that nightwing is an essential part of the hero community. he believes in dick's ability to lead and inspire. he also believes he doesn't have any right to be a subject of that ability. he doesn't think he deserves dick's loyalty and he outright says this in gotham knights. dick has already done so much for him, how could bruce call him back, especially for this.

robin 13 u will forever be known for this..

"I didn't have the right to call you back."

"The right? I'd die for you bruce."

obviously, just copy pasting the entire comic of bloodborne here. bruce leaving flowers at the graysons' grave every year.. alfred saying he's never missed the occasion so it's obvious something's gone wrong. the flashback... "i dodged the bullet, robin. i always do. okay?" dick setting off alone to find bruce in the middle of the cold harsh weather with nothing but a heartbeat monitor.. SCREAM.

another over used one but also one that altered my brain chemistry. that one panel from infinite crisis. I KNOW IT'S EVERYWHERE-- but that's because it is one of the most insane and fundamental changes that re-routed comic history! alternate superman telling bruce that everyone on this earth is a worse version of everyone on earth-2. telling batman that they should be overwritten, it's only for the best after all. AND WHAT DOES BRUCE SAY??

"And what about Dick Grayson?"

"Yes?"

"Is he a better man on your Earth than he is on mine?"

yeah. bruce's faith in dick transcends alternate realities. the world could be on fire and the incorruptable could become corrupted but bruce wayne can not doubt dick grayson. bruce just casually judges the potential of an entire world by the standards of dick grayson. if the dick grayson on this earth is still a good person then it is still worth saving.

last but not least, a bit of a controversial one, but that scene in forever evil where dick is strapped to the bomb and it's about to go off and he tells bruce to leave him just like bruce has told him many times before. BUT BRUCE CAN'T. he says that the only way they are getting out of this is together as if there aren't like 3 other people in that room with them lmaoo- if dick grayson dies then bruce might as well die too because there is no reality in which he can live without him. his son, his brother, his best friend, his saving grace, his boy OUGH. and then we get the whole spyral fight scene yada yada and it's like a knife cut clean through your heart. one of the first dick & bruce scenes I read and one that will always hold a lot of weight in how I view them.

please bear with me i cant find the panels rn

bonus:: sooo much good robin dick and bruce content coming out omgg -> batman and robin: year one, world's finest

and then there's year one: batman/scarecrow, batman and robin 2021 and i can not reiterate this enough BLOODBORNE!!!

there r also so many single issues of comics i can name but that's a whole list for another time

[prettyyoungandbored]

Becoming Mrs. Wayne [The Dark Knight] Fourteen

Pairing: Christian Bale!Bruce Wayne x OC

Summary: Demetria Gallagher knew her cozy life would change the second she became engaged to Bruce Wayne. But what she doesn't know is she's getting more than what she agreed to. (I am trash at summaries.)

Taglist: @dragonballluver, @disgraceful-marvel-trash, @barikawho, @claudiahxrdy , @christianbalefanatic , @librarianafterdark , @rosegxoxo , @lilizia, @tOuch-starved-h0e

NOT MY GIF

================================

Demetria woke up greeted by the warmth of Bruce’s bare chest against the side of her face. Between the sound of his heartbeat and his fingers running through her hair, she nearly lulled herself back to sleep.

But she wasn’t sure what time it was and exactly how much time she had left before she’d lose him forever. She needed to make this moment count.

“Is it morning?” she whispered.

“We have some time before the sun rises.”

She laid her head back down as memories of the night before flashed in her mind. She had given him everything. Every inch of her belonged to him and it would for forever.

She exhaled softly. “I was looking forward to waking up next to you for the rest of my life.”

He rest his forehead against hers. “All I wanted was to spend the rest of my life with you.”

The palm of his hand cradled with cheek. He took her in, knowing he would hold onto this moment for as long as he would live.

“Bruce?”

“Yes?”

“Is there anything else I can do to talk you out of this?”

He shook his head in response. “I have to do what’s right.”

She pursed her lips back. “What if we ran away together? Just you and me.”

“I cant say I didn’t think about that,” he sighed. He kissed the top of her head. “Let’s just enjoy this moment, ok?”

She nodded and rest her head. “Demetria.”

She looked up at him, his eyes piercing into his.

“I will never tell you I don’t love you.”

===================================

A couple hours later, Demetria found herself packing a suitcase.

“Would you like some assistance?”

She glanced up to see Alfred standing there. She gave him a small smile.

“I already tried to stop him,” she said.

“Rookie mistake, Ms. Gallagher.”

She chuckled and threw the shirt into the suitcase. She looked at the old man, amazed he could not only keep his composure but also pretend as if nothing was wrong.

As if what Bruce was about to wouldn’t turn his world upside down too.

“Alfred, are you gonna be ok?” she asked.

“Quite alright,” he reassured. “Don’t you worry about me.”

“But once this gets out, they’re going to come for you too.”

“I can handle myself perfectly well, Ms. Gallagher. Although, I do appreciate the concern.”

He took her hand in his. “I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you that I truly enjoyed our time together. For a long time I had hoped he would settle down with a nice girl and when I met you, I knew you were the one. While I wish things were different, it’s been a privilege and an honor serving you.”

Her eyes filled with tears as she wrapped her arms around him. “What am I gonna do without you?”

“You’ve managed before and you’ll manage again.”

He pulled back gently. “It will be nice to do the crosswords without unwanted help.”

For the first time that day, she smiled. “But you’ll miss it.”

He gave her a nod. “I will.”

She excused herself and went into the nightstand where she pulled out an envelope and handed it to him.

“Inside has my mother’s address on it and home phone number, ok?” she said. “If you need anything, anything at all, please do not hesitate.”

He put the letter inside his jacket pocket and gave her a nod.

====================================

Demetria opted for caramel-colored, felted trench coat with a plain tee underneath, some jeans, and some sneakers. She knew she needed to blend in as much as possible so no one would give her a second look let alone a second thought.

“Keep your head down as much as you can,” Bruce gently told her. “Stay hidden until you’re with your mother. The second I’m able to call you, I will.”

She nodded, tears falling down her cheeks. His face softened as he wiped them with her thumb.

“You’re going to be ok,” he assured gently.

She leaned her head into his chest. “Don’t do this to me.”

“Sweetheart, look at me.”

She lifted her head and the tears in her eyes nearly made Bruce give up on letting her go.

“This is for your own protection,” he told her. “I need you to know that.”

And upon realizing there was no way out and that he would not change his mind, she nodded her head.

“The car is downstairs,” Alfred announced from the kitchen.

Demetria turned around and made her way out the door, repeatedly reminding herself not to look back not matter how much it pained her not to.

As she stood in the elevator, she felt her phone vibrate. Her heart leapt, hoping for it to be Bruce calling.

It wasn’t. It was Harvey.

She pressed decline.

==================================

As “luck” would have it, her train was delayed by an hour. She sat in the terminal and scrolled through her old text messages with Bruce.

She yearned for the days where Bruce was listed as “Handsome” in her contacts, where they would send messages to each other about funny or crazy things that happened during their day. It was their way of keeping each other in their lives when they couldn’t be seen together or Demetria couldn’t hide in the penthouse.

She wasn’t sure how she was going to get through this. She could lie for him and for her and her family’s safety. But, watching him be taken down for only trying to help the city would kill her.

Just then, her phone rang and Rachel’s name appeared.

“What’s up?” she answered with a sigh.

“Please tell me you’re not on the train.” The worry in her tone made Demetria’s posture straighten.

“I’m not. My train was delayed-.”

“Meet me in front of the station. I’m picking you up.”

“What’s going on?”

“Harvey just told everyone he’s Batman.”

[devilfic]

could you do some more stuff on bruce with reader and dick ? the christmas one was ADORABLE AND I JUST CANT HANDLE okay thanks

a/n: you were probably hoping for something fluffy and I APOLOGIZE but I also really wanted to explore the relationship you'd have with dick when you first take him in and show how he grows to trust you ;-;;;;

imagine that it’s right after you and bruce take in dick. he’s angry, he’s grieving, he’s cold. it’s been a rough few weeks since the deaths of his parents. you and bruce had thought about having kids one day but it was never the right time, not until that night when it all happened and bruce looked at you and you just knew.

and then you’d somehow convinced this kid (this kid who looked the spitting image of your husband already, like he was destined to be yours) to let you keep him. not to be his parents because you could never replace john and mary grayson, but to give him a safe place to stay. dick is too young to be this angry but he agrees because he can’t find his parents’ killer when he’s too busy hopping from foster home to foster home with no end in sight.

and you expect that it’ll take time but it doesn’t make his rejection hurt any less. he never stays in the room long enough to talk to either of you, and when he does, he’s always asking about the investigation. it breaks your heart every time to tell him the gcpd are still looking, following leads that you both have a feeling lead nowhere. they don’t know where tony zucco is. you can see the frustration growing in him and the resentment too.

you try to be there because bruce can’t. how can he? he’s so busy looking, chasing those same leads as the bat every night. it makes it harder for dick to trust bruce. he’s a stranger to him. always working, never home. as far as dick was concerned, bruce didn’t give a rat’s ass about finding his parents’ murderer. but every night, from sundown to sun up, your husband was scouring the streets for the man that had ruined dick’s life. but you can’t tell dick that part. bruce isn’t ready.

and one night, it’s storming. it’s not uncommon in gotham but you feel your stomach flip at a crack of thunder. something pulls you out of your sleep, out of your empty bed and down the hall to dick’s room. the door is always shut and locked but now it’s cracked open. a peek inside and he’s nowhere to be found. your stomach drops at another crack of thunder.

you tear the penthouse apart and even alfred can’t tell you when he’d last seen him. it’s then that you notice his coat and shoes are gone, and you’re out the door with barely enough time to get dressed or to heed alfred’s warning.

your instincts are telling you that wherever he is, and god forbid he’s in a ditch somewhere with the kind of types that hang around the city this late, he’s close. even if you can’t see him. you keep searching the skies as if you’ll find him there when the bat signal flips on, and you realize that all this time, your instincts have been leading you right to it.

you reach the top of the building and find dick there, staring off into the sky, and you can’t help but demand to know what he was thinking running off like that. what if he’d gotten hurt or worse? what if you’d lost him for good?

and he’s got this look on his face like he’s freezing and doesn’t want you to notice because then you’ll just cover him in your coat and freeze too. because you would and have. you would do anything to protect him. “you won’t help me.”

“that’s not true, dick. these things take time. trust me, the gcpd is doing everything they can to find that man. we’re not letting zucco get away with what he did to your parents. you have to believe me.”

dick’s scoffing at you. If he wasn’t so small, still chubby-cheeked and rosy, his snark would put him beyond your years, “the police won’t find him. batman will.”

dick doesn’t know how right he is but you try to steer him away, telling him that batman is a vigilante and that there’s no way to prove if you can trust him, but it’s like everything you say goes in one ear and out the other. at some point, you tell him that bruce would be home soon and seeing dick missing would tear him up inside and, without missing a beat, dick tells you “he’d have to be around to care.”

and how do you reconcile with that? how do you make a child feel loved and cared for with nothing to show for it? nothing you can show for it?

you don’t know what you and bruce were thinking. you weren’t ready. you must have wanted to be so bad that you mistook it for something it wasn’t. dick grayson didn’t need new parents. he’d told you as much the minute you’d offered to take him in. of course he’d run away. as far as dick was concerned, all you’d given him was a pretty house to mourn in.

you almost forget why you’re up here.

dick spots him before you do, the dark knight, and from where you’re kneeling you can imagine what he must look like to a child. a boogeyman or an angel, something other than human. dick runs at him as if he’s all that and more. completely enamored. bruce can’t ask with dick there but his eyes flicker to you and you must look pitiful.

it’s just that dick is so. starstruck. you’ve never seen him like this in all the time he’s been with you. it almost feels worth it keeping the secret, then. “you came.” dick sighs.

you’re thinking about all the things bruce’s eyes are saying. he’s focused on this little boy, too afraid to look away, almost too afraid to speak. what if dick could tell? what if he mistook this for some cruel joke? but then bruce puts his hand on dick’s shoulder and would you believe it? for the first time, dick lets bruce touch him, “you called.”

“I need your help, batman.” dick pleads. you shut your eyes, unable to look at bruce or dick knowing what’s coming next. “someone took my parents away from me. I need to find him. and I need your help.”

a few moments pass. you dare crack open an eye, ready to sweep dick out of there and suffer his anger on the way home. anything to avoid seeing the inevitable heartbreak in your husband’s expression. you couldn’t take it. but you falter when you see bruce kneeling before the kid. he’s schooled his expression into something reminiscent of the symbol, the impenetrable, immovable batman, “the graysons, right? the flying graysons. you’re the kid.”

you can hear the shock in dick’s voice, “you know me?”

“I don’t forget a face,” you watch bruce smile, “or someone as talented as you. your parents were good people. I’m sorry for your loss… which is why I’m doing everything I can to find him, dick. I promise I’ll find him.”

“let me help.” bruce laughs—or gasps—at how sudden and stubborn his request is. dick immediately takes offense, “I’m not kidding.”

“no, no. I know you’re not. you just… remind me of someone. I believe you. but not just anybody can do what I do.”

“I can fight! a little. I need some training. but I’m really flexible! and I’m fast.”

“that’s good. people underestimate you when you’re small and lean.”

“how do I get superpowers like you?”

“I don’t have powers.”

“then how do you fly?”

bruce drags his cape between the two of them, eyes sparkling, “physics.”

dick doesn’t even know what that means. he still says “coooooool” like he does. “can I have a cape?”

taking dick’s hand in yours, you try your best not to say bruce’s name when you mean batman (because let’s be honest, the man in front of you is more bruce than anything—all soft eyes, tender voice, careful smiles), insisting that it’s late and way past dick’s bedtime and that you both really need to get home before this storm gets worse when dick begs batman to take you both home in his “super cool” car. and really, how can either of you refuse him?

so you keep him in your lap on the drive home, watching bruce explain what each of the little knobs and buttons do, but dick never runs out of questions. “how fast can you go?” “do you have other cars?” “does it have a name? can I name it?” bruce meets every single one of them with the breathless, youthful kind of joy you get when a child trusts you, really trusts and likes you. even if it’s not really him, it’s enough.

it must be a sight, crawling out of the batman’s car onto the sidewalk. dick clearly doesn’t want to go with his hands on the door begging to see batman again.

“you will,” bruce assures him, looking over at you for just a split second, “I promise.”

it’s days later when bruce gives you the go ahead and you take dick down into the elevator, the one you’d always told him didn’t work anymore. the first thing he sees is bruce at his desk with his cowl in his hands and that shocking black paint across his eyes, waiting with more fear than you’d seen in him fighting his greatest enemies. you don’t think he could take the rejection if this went badly.

bruce steps forward, kneels before dick, tender and vulnerable and open. dick’s shoulders tremble beneath your hands. “I think I found him, but I need your help. so no more secrets.” bruce holds out his hand, shaky and bare, “deal?”

dick is silent for a long time; lips pursed, eyes blown wide. you think he even stops breathing, his chest refusing to rise and fall. you brush a hand through his hair, whispering his name, and catch your husband’s worried eyes. was it too soon? had he scared off dick altogether?

but dick places his hand in bruce’s, so small in comparison. it’s such a shy touch that bruce doesn’t even close his hand around it, too afraid. doesn’t want to scare him. doesn’t want to indulge too much in this kid, so much like himself, finding safety and solace in him. because dick isn’t looking for parents. he wants answers, revenge, justice, whatever he called it to sleep better. and if all you and bruce could do for him is give him that closure, you would. and if dick wanted to leave when it was all said and done, you would let him do that too.

that evening, dick takes dinner with you two and alfred. you take heart in the fact that dick allows you this much. it’s one step, small as it may be, in the right direction.

taglist: @yikes-buddy @alexxavicry @theclassicvinyldragon @angxlictexrs @moonlightreader649 @geekyfer @thescarletfang @navs-bhat

[batboysoneshots]

Dreaming

Thought of this idea, from season 2 episode 2 of BAS perchance to dream.

Summary: Bruce finds himself in another dreamworld curtesy of Jervis Tech. This time its with his sons.

Third person pov...

In the ethereal realm of Jervis Tech's dreamworld, Bruce Wayne awoke to a reality both familiar and foreign. He was met with the sight of four young boys, they were sitting by his bedside.

Groaning at the dull pain in his head the man started to sit up, he held his aching head still looking at his four sons, confused as to why they were there.

Dick was on his left, Jason on his right, Tim was next to Dick and Damian was next to Jason, He looked around at each of their faces.

To further his confusion they looked younger and happy, the air around them felt relaxed and not at dark. Dick still had his signature hair style but looked 16 again.

Jason of course still had his short black hair but didn't have the white strike from the lazarus pit nor any scars, he looked about 14.

Tim's hair was shorter and held in place at the bottom of tims neck with a hair band, Bruce had never seen him with his hair tied up like it before. He looked around 12.

Damian looked alot younger than Bruce ever remembered seeing him, his hair was the same the spikes were the same, his face was rounder and less sharp, he had an air of joy like a child should, he looked around 8.

All the man could do was sit and stare at his sons, they'd not woken up when he moved which of course surprised the overly paranoid man, by now the boys would have noticed him awake.

A feeling of unease settled into the man's stomach, he then decided to wake up Dick first, he reached over and shook the teens shoulder, the boy gave a sleeping grumble before rubbing his eyes.

As he did he froze, before looking at the man. His jaw opened in shock before a wide smile broke out across his face. "Your awake!" He yells effectively waking the other three up.

Jason was up next leaping a foot in his seat. Tim was to his feet and leaning over dick in seconds and Damian jumped onto him and was trying to superglue himself to the man.

Bruce's blue eyes widened as he was grabbed by the four boys, each were worried as they held him, Dick was gripping his hand, Jason was holding his bicep gently.

Tim was gripping his leg tightly while Damain has wiggled his way up and was hugging his waist, he absently ran a hand through the boys hair feeling the child relax under his hand.

'Somethings wrong here' he thought in his mind, he'd been more hurt than this before but he'd never seen his sons act like this before (though dicks reaction was normal anyway).

Then to his luck the door to the room opened and in walked Alfred, the Butler had a gentle smile on his face he saw that Bruce was awake. "Alfred" he spoke the Butler nodded his head before putting down the tray.

He then clapped his hands effectively gaining the four boys attention. "Now boys, I know you were worried about master Bruce, but I'm sure he would like to get dressed, ans he cant very well do that with you hanging on him like a couple of monkeys can he?" he tells them motioning towards the door.

Each if the boys gave a longing look to Bruce before he gave them a smile which settled all of them, one by one they reluctantly left the room though Damian didn't want to leave his father.

After a little bribing and coercion by his two eldest Damian was dragged out and downstairs.

Once the door was shut Bruce let out a long sigh, his head was still aching. Alfred handed him the glass of water from the tray.

"Thanks Alfred"

"Of course. Sir"

Once he was finished with the drink he turned to Alfred the man had just opened the curtains up. "Alfred, what happend to me?" He asks the question he'd wanted to know since he woke up in bed.

Alfred finished with the curtains and turned back to the Black haired man. "Why sir don't you remember? Last night you were playing basket ball outside, when the ball got caught in the net so you climbed up and grabbed it, you lost your balance and fell backwards hitting your head rather hard on the ground" explained Alfred

"Basketball, who was i playing with?" Asks Bruce, the question surprises Alfred. "Why your sons of course master Bruce" he tells the confused man.

The man's blue eyes widened. "Basketball, why would we play that  I haven't played since Dick was a kid" this makes the Butler raise his eyebrows in surprise.

It was true, he hadn't set foot in the Basketball court since Dick was Robin, they'd played a game together both enjoying it.

"Why sir, it was Saturday afternoon, you always play basketball with the young masters, arw you all right sir?" Alfred asks visibly concerned for the man as Bruce turned paler paler every minute.

Bruce shook his head trying to clear his head. "I don't know Alfred, maybe I hit my head harder than I thought" the billionaire muttered more to himself than Alfred.

The old man looks at Bruce in concern before nodding his head. "Very good sir, I shall be in the kitchen making breakfast" Alfred closes the door as he leaves.

Bruce stares at the place Alfred was lost if thought. "What the hell was that" he muttered to himself, he couldn't remember anything that happend yesterday.

Shaking his head he pushed himself from the soft mattress and over to his wardrobe, he then git dressed in a black tshirt and grey trousers once dressed he walked out of the room and into the manor.

"I wonder if anything else has changed" he wondered outloud as he walked down the long hall.

The end!

Hope you liked this long oneshot, might do a part 2 if I feel like it bit we will see  sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes.

Requests are open!

Word count : 1057

[simpingwriter]

MORE BATFAM QUOTES. HELL YEAH.

_______________________

*the siblings are in a bar for a mission*

Tim, wasted after one Pina Colada: I am the left brain, I am the left brain. "I work really hard until my inevitable death" brain. You've got a job to do, you better do it right and the right way is with the left brain's might!

Jason: Nerd-

Dick, more drunk than the rest: I LIKE OREOS AND PUSSY-

_______________________

Jason: What doesn't kill me better start running, because now I'm fucking pissed.

_______________________

Faith: Dinosaurs aren't extinct. I mean, Dad is walking in this room.

Barbara: *wheeze*

_______________________

*Faith ate Damian's Cookie*

Damian: I’m gonna kill you.

Faith: Get in line like the rest!

_______________________

Bruce, bragging to an acquaintance: I’m telling you, my kids are extremely smar-

Faith, rushing in: Dad! Dad! Damian tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!

Damian: Snitch...

_______________________

Damian: I have a 1:30 appointment for the flu shot with Alfred tomorrow...

Faith: Which doctor?

Damian: No, with the regular doctor.

_______________________

Faith: Social distancing says you shouldn't be within an elbow's distance of each other.

*later, in a barfight, same as the one before*

Faith: Social distancing doesn't say nothing about feet! *kicks opponent in the face*

_______________________

Faith: This food is too hot... I cant eat it.

Jerome: You’re very hot, and I still eat you. So stop complaining.

Everyone at the table: *silence*

Jason: YOU GUYS ARE DISGUSTING!

Dick: One dinner... I just want ONE DINNER!

_______________________

Barbara: Hey, Bruce you're smart, tell me...what would happen if I chugged 3 gallons of chloroform.

Bruce: Have you ever been to a mortuary?

Barbara: Yea, my dad's mom lives there.

Alfred: That is the worst response to that question.

_______________________

*Jason chugging milk from the container*

Dick, drinking some coffee: "Aren't you lactose intolerant??"

Jason: "This isn't lactose, it's milk."

Tim: "you're a fucking idiot."

Dick: *spits coffee everywhere*

[generational-atrophy]

Main 8 and what they find psychically attractive in others?

(Hetalia Main 8 x Reader) Their Physical Preferences!

(Gender Neutral) Headcanons ~ A/N i realized i wouldnt be done with the other one for a bit so this one is a little shorter. To . still. Be active. ok contiuing. WAITI ASSUMED YOU MEANT. PHYSICAL. physical is what ur getting sorry. i did not proofread this u cant make me

Trigger Warning: Some of these may not apply to you but don’t worry they would still like you <3

Alfred would love an S/O that is not very traditionally attractive! Skin marks, acne, freckles, he absolutely adores all of that! The less euro-centric you look, the more perfect he finds you.

Someone who doesn’t put a lot of effort into their appearance. He’d prefer sweatpants, a stained shirt, and scrunchies over a nicely pressed outfit and done up hair any day.

He’d prefer that his partner doesn’t physically outmatch him. Looks wise or physique wise (he’s insecure about his weight…) So he’d like his partner to be shorter than him.

Of course, he wouldn’t mind a more traditional S/O either. In the back of his mind, he still remembers his dreams of a 50s housewife. But he’d never try to hold you to those standards!

Ironically, Arthur would prefer a partner that doesn’t look very much like… most British people? Basically, he doesn’t like most of the features he has in an S/O.

This is very specific… but he’d love an S/O with interesting eyes. Just plain blue or plain brown would be fine, but those with hazel or endlessly deep black would appeal to him much more.

He’d prefer an S/O that dresses more classically, sort of like him! But… he also had his punk years. If you’re punk as shit, with piercings, dyed hair, crazy makeup, he can’t resist you!

Basically, the less you fit the norm, the more he’s gonna like you. Even if he tries to tell himself he doesn’t.

Francis is surprisingly particular about how his S/O looks.  Of course, he can adapt to anyone, but he’d prefer his lover to be rather attractive.

He wants to be able to walk down the street and have people gawk at his partner. Of course, even if they don’t, he’ll make up for it plenty <3

Someone with beautiful hair! Whether that be intricate braids, long flowing locks, or some modern, artistic style. He just loves nicely taken care of hair (why do you think his looks like that?)

He’d love a partner whose taller than him! Basically, in every area, he wants to be outmatched by your attractiveness. Which, through his rose-tinted glasses, is not a very high bar.

Yao has dated many, many people, all of whom look completely different! He has no preferences, but his dream would be someone who looks more like his country's older beauty standards.

But more important than that, he’d prefer his S/O looks more natural than anything. Too much makeup while trying to look like you’re not wearing any… is very unappealing to him.

He’d love if you had longer hair! He loves braiding hair, it’s very relaxing for him.

If you wanted him to, he’d help, but he’d prefer if you’re pretty capable of taking good care of yourself. Regular showers, skincare, things like that. 

Someone with younger features like him! But not too young, that would be really creepy…

He’d also prefer a partner who dresses well. Whether that be more mainstream or more niche styles, he just wants to see a little effort.

Ivan, well… not to be crass. But he would definitely, really prefer a S/O who was more plus size. Someone more muscular intimidates him a little, and someone super skinny makes him worry.

Looks wise, I don’t think he’d have any strong opinions. But like Alfred, he finds non traditionally eurocentric features attractive!

Someone who he can dress up and share clothes with! Even if they don’t fit, he just wants to be able to wrap you up in his jackets and not have it look too unnatural.

Speaking of which, he’d love a shorter S/O. Of course, everyone is short to him (in my headcanons he’s like 6’ 8”…) but still.

Basically, someone soft and in no way intimidating. Exactly the opposite of him!

Feliciano may seem like he values beauty more than anything, but he’d really prefer a S/O that’s cute! With chubby cheeks and messy hair-

He’d prefer if you two matched aesthetics-wise- but that can really mean anything. If you carry yourself as he does,  dress in a similar or completely contrary way, and take care of yourself.

He’d really love someone tall. Much taller than him preferably. But maybe not muscley… he’ll get a little intimidated.

Although he wouldn’t look specifically for someone counter-culture, the more creative you get with your appearance, the more attractive he finds you.

But still, he’d love someone soft and warm like him <3

Ludwig would love an S/O that’s a lot like him! Or at least, like someone from his country. But he really doesn’t care that much.

He would prefer a partner that is physically active, whatever that means to them. As long as they’re able to keep up with him a little bit on runs, while still being able to enjoy his baking.

If you’re muscley, he would love it.

Someone who doesn’t stand out that much, whose attractiveness is more understated than blinding. He finds those kinds of people to be usually quite grating…

Funnily enough, he’d also prefer a partner that has a more… stereotypically nerdy appearance? He finds it really adorable. Plus… he’s secretly a nerd too.

Kiku is a lot like Yao, but has a lot lower standards. He doesn’t value traditional attractiveness in any fashion, and would prefer an S/O that doesn’t stick out that much.

He would love a chubby S/O! As skinny as he is himself, he doesn’t find it very attractive.

Like Ludwig, he finds understated beauty to be preferable to outright attractiveness. It’s a little silly, but it makes him a lot more comfortable in your relationship knowing you’re equal.

He’d prefer someone shorter, which is a little difficult since he’s a little on the smaller side himself. But he prefers dating foreigners anyway, even though it doesn’t have the greatest track record for him…