#Who will understand me
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honestly if my other my one out of the other moot who i hold the closest to my heart also quits like her i am going to end myself
#but i am jst being selfish ig#Its just#I finally found a place other then my friends too talk to#Who will understand me#And seeing them leave#Is jst sad#:(#goodbye silver if your seeing this :<<<#I have never been this heartbroken in my lofe b4 ngl#CINNA if u r seeing this you two#If you leave i will not even kidding end my social media lofe once and for all :((#abt sakiras day xd
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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when we were studying the bible in literature class (so we have the context necessary for later works that reference the bible), i think we were at the book of jonah, and one of my classmates was studying the text very intently, and then looked up and earnestly said "professor, i don't understand the will of god"
the teacher was just like. well sadly i am a literature teacher and not a priest so i can't help you there. but if it helps, many people throughout history had the same problem.
#this one of the two very heavy-hitter sentences she said regarding literature class#with the other one being “én megvetem janus pannoniust”#sorry i just. idk if it's actually as funny but goddamn in that situation it was hilarious#i don't understand the will of god...... well show me someone who does#“én nem értem isten akaratát” number one thing to say during high school literature class#🌌
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– Noor Unnahar, Instagram account "noor_unnahar"
[TEXT ID: / [Lemons] / My father's mother loved lemons. Years after her passing, / we run out of everything, but never / lemons. / Nothing else shelters grief / better than memory. / It's my father way of saying, / even in your absence, you will be / cared by me. / END ID]
#reminds me of my mom who now watch english movies even though english is not her first language and struggles to understands too but she do#all this because of my brother who loved to watch different movies while growing up but now move to another countryy#so she remembers him while watching that#now we all should cry together#light academia#dark academia#excerpts#fragments#poetry#words#literature#noor unnahar#spilled poem#short peoms#grief poem#grief#on grief#spilled thoughts#peots on tumblr#spilled ink
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Uh-
just found out my cousin (who lives in England) is in the art department of a bunch of shows??? And she worked oN DOCTOR WHO? AND HAD LUNCH WITH DAVID TENNANT???? and she just told me so casually because she's interested in the art, not the show? I mean, excuse me? She worked on SHERLOCK???? FOR A WHOLE SEASON?? She worked on Peaky Blinders and Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones??? And probably other things because she has a shitty memory and according to her everything is a blur?? AND AT ONE POINT SHE WAS LIKE: "oh and have you ever heard of Neil Gaiman?" And I was trying not to scream, because yes, of course I've heard of Neil, he's only my favorite author, I've only read like all of his books multiple times, and if you say you worked on Good Omens or the Sandman I'm going to lose it completely. So I said "yeah I've read a couple of his books," -you know, like a liar- "what about him?" and she goes "well I worked on one of his shows and he's brilliant i just can't remember which one" and i go "w-what do you mean he's brilliant? You're.. you're talking about his writing... his writing is brilliant, right?" And she cheerfully says "oh no I don't read books, I ment he was really nice and brilliant when I talked to him" and i go "WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT" and she thinks for a moment and goes "oh! BRICKS" WHAT IN THE WORLD YES NO THAT MAKES SENSE YOU GET TO WORK AND TALK WITH NEIL FUCKING GAIMAN AND YOU TALK ABOUT BRICKS? NO THAT'S TOTALLY NORMAL I'M NOT MAD ".... it was what I was designing at the time, I needed to know what vibe the bricks should have. Anyway want to see the spinning fireplace I made for doctor who" WHAT THE FUCK.
@neil-gaiman do you remember any brick conversations by any chance
#Doctor who#Sherlock#David tennant#I'm losing it#neil gaiman#DAVID TENNANT JUST SAT DOWN NEXT TO HER AT LUCH AND SHE GOES OH YEAH HE WAS SUPER NICE. VERY TALL. ????#anyway i- oh my god.#Let me just perish in peace#Just my cousin living my dream making art and vibing with Neil and David and her fucking bricks what the fuck#Good omens#Sorry this is a mess#I understand actors are still people I'm not saying they aren't but can you look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn't be psyched#If you could have lunch with David tennant?
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people who go through the main tags of big and tumultuous fandoms looking for new fresh good posts to reblog are essential to any circle. they’re like true hunter gatherers leaving the safety of settlement and braving the unknown wilderness to find food for the flock. they risk their lives every day and will come back with a few scratches at best and severe psychological damage at worst
#peach rambles#hall of fame i guess#i love hearing everyone share their stories in the comments. me personally? this is about kingdom hearts#usually the main culprit is disdain and dusty old misogynistic takes for kairi (the main girl)#there's x reader occasionally#cursed content with random disney characters#or people who complain about how much the series has expanded#that don't understand that over half the story is contained in the so-called 'side games'#or just generally dusty takes that have been disproven already
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i'll strangle you or i'll kiss you on the mouth
#laius thorden#laios touden#kabru#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#my art#Linktoo art#labru#narrative foil yaoi my weakness.... anyway#the way he grabs that guy and begs him to stay and begs like please LISTEN to me#its so funny how kabru‚ someone who prides himself with understanding people and their motivations#just can't handle having some random guy like laius with a big prophecy on his head remain a mystery to him#the way laius just entirely evades him it drives him crazy. kabru puts motivations and assumptions in his mouth in any attempt to Know him#hes so scared of this man yet simultaneously drawn by being unable to discern his thought process#meanwhile#laius is just autistic
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i love the idea of crossovering Mob with different spirits ✨️
#please note that i took inspo from one art i had in my ref folder that is like months old but i dont have the credits of the artist??#helped me understand how trains can be drawn lmao#if you know who they are say itt#mob psycho fanart#mob psycho 100#reigen arataka#mp100 fanart#shigeo kageyama#myart#mp100#studio ghibli#no face
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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POV: You're the oldest sibling
it's tough being the oldest.
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#it's tough being a single mom. especially when youre a man with no children.#give me a dick grayson who's always on the precipice of either strangling his siblings or showering them with love#im not really a ''tim drake is a coffee addict'' truther however i do think he should be an absolute diva when it comes to food orders#that single period that dick sends is that 10% of rage that just barely seeped thru#also dude's like 30 he def does not understand the slang of the youth ''lock in?? tf does that mean??''#also my girl stephanie deserves to be smart asf!! i wanna see her thriving#social media au#batfamily#batfam#dick grayson#jason todd#stephanie brown#tim drake#batkids#nightwing#red hood#spoiler#red robin#duke thomas#signal#bruce wayne#batman#batdad#dc comics#twitter#tweets#texts#incorrect quotes#fanatical posting
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I watched Starship Troopers tonight.
#personal#dumb#my art#immediately after finishing i was pumped to watch some analysis vids on it#cuz i heard a lot of the drama about the original author being a pro military fascist and the director going “fuck that” and making a satir#scrolling through youtube search results was not promising. lots of male film buffs i would Not trust even on a first glance.#“The Critical Drinker” (pfp of a bearded man drinking alcohol) lol.#and then I saw cinemawins did a video on it and was like oh nice i haven't seen his stuff in a while but he's a pretty leftist creator#scrolled through the comments#second panel face#this sucks i'm outta here.#just leagues and leagues and leagues of anime pfps and right leaning people dogpiling on him for “not understanding what fascism is”#idk it's pretty alien and weird to me watching this movie and going “wow yeah that was pretty obvious huh” like literally the from opening#to the teacher preaching militance and only giving voting rights to “those who serve their nation first and earn it”#and then seeing droves of people online going#WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? It's not anti-fascist and even if it was it's#the director's fault for desecrating heinlein's incredible sci-fi epic vision. ermm media literacy is dead.
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Genuinely, and I mean this kindly, but learning to recognize bait and not engaging with it will change your fandom experience.
#once you realize : oh theyre just trying to rile me up and i dont care to give them a response#everything is less stressful#i keep seeing the same arguments rehashed every six or so months#i know a lot of people are new and dont know but the trolls youre arguing with do#theyre trying to burn yall out and send you packing#also i do think there is something very funny about someone spending all that time color coding a bait post#and no one engages with it like wow you tried#i understand the passion people feel AND at some point you gotta let it go#anyway i do feel like the best way to sustain longevity is to just block the tags/people who enrage you
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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:
There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’
like wow babe. good fucking point
#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point#not a shitpost#cptsd#and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer#the truth is i know why i wasn't loved#i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings#i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing#i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance#the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it#i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to#you can look for answers and reasons and explanations#but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation#*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air#new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust#like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be#when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole
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me in a nutshell
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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turn left is literally the most insane episode ever written. yeah the main character would kill himself if he didn't meet his best friend and the UK government is like 2 bad days away from putting all non-english people into labour camps. also all your favourite characters died trying to do what little they could. wouldn't that be crazy? anyway time for the daleks again
#i always spend like 90% of the runtime sobbing like someone I know just died it's crazy#episode of all time the ffhfjffjff. the. good god#the scene where rocco salutes wilf has literally never left me it's been bouncing around my head since i#first watched it when i was literally like 10#godddddjdjdndnddf. yknow. yknow. you get it. you understand#donnaaaa😐😐😐 please for the love of god pleeease#dw lb#doctor who#turn left#10th doctor
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