#Which they have always gotten
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Well, I drew baby Hunter and Arti, so here’s baby Inv and Saint from the au!
Lore dump time!
Like I’ve said, these siblings are total opposites, and they were even more different as kids. You guys seem to like Saint’s silly expressions, but when they were younger they didn’t express anything. They aren’t bored or annoyed with Inv in the picture, they just literally always looked like that. Inv on the other hand, can’t mask to save their life. They’ve always been very expressive, loud and hyper, in sharp contrast with their sibling who almost never spoke back then.
Unfortunately for Inv, the Iterator that created and raised these two definitely preferred Saint. Inv was too much of a handful, but Saint was the perfect kid in their opinion- basically just a statue. Inv isn’t as stupid as they can act sometimes, and they definitely knew that their younger sibling was the favourite. That wasn’t a great feeling for them.
Despite their differences, Saint and Inv are very close. Inv has always been able to tell what Saint is feeling regardless of what expression they have, and Saint has always been patient with Inv and has never really minded their antics.
#Part of the reason they are so different is the Iterator “learning from their mistakes” when making Inv#So Saint (the second child) turned out a lot more to their liking personality-wise#The only times Saint ever really expressed themself is when they had panic attacks#Which they have always gotten#Constantly bottling up every single emotion they ever got was not very good for them#But hey at least their parent liked them!#Inv has self-worth issues from not being the favourite#They just can’t change#no matter how hard they tried#Anyways the siblings are doing a lot better now#But they are still far from looking or acting normal#Rw Saint#Rw Inv#Rw Enot#rain world#More au things!#Rw siblings au
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one of the richest most interesting facets of rhaenyra and alicent’s relationship is there are zero universes in which they get to be together while retaining the core of who they are. like even as we speed closer and closer to annihilation and the spectre of former “girlhood” hovers between them…. there is no future which allows them anything more than shared adolescence. they are not equals. aemma lives? otto arranges an advantageous match for alicent. rhaenyra is not named heir? she would still be a princess, probably also matched and sent away from king’s landing. alicent is her lady, and rhaenyra is always her princess. daemon or no daemon, aegon or no aegon, they are always destined to be longing for a fairy tale that doesn’t exist. and that’s so compelling because it doesn’t matter that it could never be, it’s comforting! they want to reach for each other! but it’s never anything more than a mirage, even without the dance.
#they are not equals! they were never girls Together rhaenyra was also a princess and a dragon rider#alicent’s resentment of rhaenyra’s inability to join her in the exact cage of her gender/station would’ve always come between them#which makes any grasping even more tragic#but it’s always why i can’t abide uwu rhaenicent posting#hotd#they never even had a golden childhood REALLY like rhaenyra left on syrax and alicent said no thank you!#rhaenyra’s fairytale of being alicent’s knight and flying across the sea with her wouldn’t even have happened bc alicent would NOT have#gotten on dragonback! like OOOOOOH it’s so rich#they have never been on the same page ever and Yet!
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how it started vs. how it’s going (feat. jealous percy)
#percabeth#percy jackson#annabeth chase#pjo#wrath of the triple goddess#wottg#guinea pig percy full beat annabeth u will always be famous#i have a few more silly posts queued and then i will get to my serious criticisms. which are. a lot#was admittedly more hyped for this book than i should’ve been so i’m left with a weird feeling of disappointment having read it but.#the percabeth was percabething until it wasn’t lol#i will elaborate later#on the bright side rickald seems to have finally gotten over his disgust regarding makeup on strong women. oh the horror 🫨🫨
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stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!
wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end
#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh#some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2#recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person#and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety#like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that#my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms#UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child#so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had#a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time#which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem!#its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it#and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome'#instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems!#anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now!#house md#hilson#greg house#james wilson#stacy warner
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You know what, fuck it, I have to speak my truth! (this is gonna be a rant, so anyone who actually likes assassin's creed revelations and/or the secret crusade, be warned or maybe don't read this at all)
remember how altaïr talks to king richard at the end of ac1, and richard is like "[humans] come into the world kicking and screaming, violent and unstable. it is what we are. we cannot help ourselves."? and how altaïr answers "no. we are what we choose to be." and how that ACTUALLY has meaning bc he himself was "violent and unstable" at the beginning of the game but he has learned and is now CHOOSING to be a better person who cares about others and humanity at large? remember how his calmness and gentleness was something that he ACQUIRED over the course of the story?
and remember how in revelations they then suddenly had a PRE-AC1 altaïr say about the first of his targets "no man should pass from this world without knowing some kindness." and be all wise and calm and collected during a nice little chat with al mualim, who suddenly acts all fatherly? (like, this is suddenly supposed to be a positive relationship? what??)
also, during the confession the target says to altair: "you put too much faith in the hearts of men, altaïr. [...] humans are weak, base, and petty." and altaïr answers: "no. our creed is evidence to the contrary." KJASJFJDKL???? like, it’s almost insulting how close this exchange is to the one with richard. you know, the one that was actually earned after a whole game of character development. like WTF??? cool congrats now that development means nothing. like, apparently that was just altaïr reverting BACK to being the exemplary assassin who understands and believes in the creed that he was apparently just born as. (i also hate how having a young inexperienced altaïr saying this implies that altaïr's faith in humanity is a sign of naivete instead of a sign of the wisdom he has gained after being confronted with counter arguments for a whole game, and also something that distinguishes the assassins from the templars who use humanity's supposed wickedness to justify controlling them like in AC1, but whatever)
altaïr’s development in AC1 mattered BECAUSE he is not NATURALLY a good person, it actually said something about humanity's capacity for both bad AND good and how humans don't have to be forced to be good through mind control bc they can by their own free will choose to be better when taught how and when allowed the freedom to grow. but no. apparently altaïr has just always been calm, wise and gentle. and he just sort of forgot about that during AC1 bc…. ? bc of adha?? bc of abbas???
oh don’t get me started on the whole abbas thing. (it doesnt even make sense that abbas is so hung up about his father and "his family’s honor", like what about the whole point of al mualim not allowing parents to be close to their children bc it would make them weak? like, my dude, you’re not supposed to HAVE any family aside from the brotherhood)
they used the throwaway character that had like 5 lines and made him into altaïr’s main antagonist in revelations… like, abbas wasn’t supposed to be this ONE dude who had personal beef with altaïr, he was just supposed to show how while altaïr’s revered by many, a lot of his brothers also hate him, bc 1) altaïr is a shitty person at this point and 2) bc there’s no real feeling of community and family in this version of the brotherhood, but just a pervasive sense of competition and jealousy — these assassins don’t care about their goal of safeguarding humanity bc they’re too hung up on petty squabbles and divided by rivalries (you know, the things that made malik hate altaïr even before solomon’s temple and that he overcomes in the end which enables him to forgive and to reconcile with altaïr so they can work together and stop al mualim? (you ever just think about "we are one. as we share the glory of our victories, so too should we share the pain of our defeat. in this way we grow closer. we grow stronger." and cry? bc i do. all the time. malik, the man that you are))
and now abbas is altaïr’s childhood best friend turned lifelong enemy?? like, bowden bent over backwards to come up with an explanation for why altaïr is an arrogant ass at the beginning of AC1, when the explanation is right there: he was raised to kill without asking questions and was constantly praised for how good he is at murder, which resulted in him becoming arrogant and disregarding human life. like, it doesn’t have to be some shakespearean family feud type shit. and guess what, this "simple" explanation actually plays into the story’s themes, who’da thunk!
(like, abbas might not have been a "fleshed out" character in AC1, but he had a specific function and now that function is gone. mr bowden, mr mcdevitt, you know characters are allowed to simply exist to tell us something about their worlds and the systems they live in and sometimes that’s more important and also more interesting than having every single character have a detailed backstory to explain all their behaviors, right?)
with all of this revelations loses all nuance in regards to the levantine brotherhood and also the creed in general. like, altaïr being a master assassin at the beginning despite being a terrible person and not actually understanding the creed is a criticism of the brotherhood and the creed itself. like, it said something about the order that someone like altaïr was able to get that high in rank, simply bc he's good at killing, which also tells us what is considered important in the al mualim era assassin order. when you make altaïr’s arrogance the result of his personal conflicts instead of how we was raised by a brotherhood that only valued one's ability to kill, you lose that characterization of the assassin order itself!
and by suddenly making al mualim a semi good "father figure" you also downplay his manipulation of not only altaïr but all those under his care. (altaïr says something about al mualim being "as a father" to him exactly twice in the codex, but he doesn’t mean by that that he WAS a father to him, what he means is that he was the CLOSEST THING he had bc HE DID NOT HAVE PARENTS, not because his mother died in childbirth and his father was executed when he was young btw, BUT BECAUSE IT WASN’T ALLOWED, like his parents actually lived but weren’t allowed to be close to him, he says he came to view al mualim’s "weak and dishonest" love as enough and even better BECAUSE HE HAD NOTHING ELSE, BECAUSE AL MUALIM ISOLATED HIS ASSASSINS FROM THEIR FAMILIES. al mualim "loved" him bc he was good at killing people for him! hm, i wonder if this could be trying to say anything about cults and indoctrination and the inherent contradiction in fighting for peace and free will by taking children away from their parents and raising them to become killers?? like, altaïr wasn't ~the special orphan boy~ taken in by al mualim bc his father died a hero's death, it was "the way of the order" to have al mualim be the closest thing to a parental figure for everyone to ensure absolute loyalty! altaïr saying al mualim was like his father is not supposed to make you go "oh, he must have actually been a good guy for altaïr to consider him a father", it should make you go "oh that's kinda fucked up that he considers the dude who made him into a killing machine and who manipulated him a sort of father figure"!)
and then in revelations they suddenly portray that relationship as positive and healthy??? like, it would be one thing to give it some nuance by delving into the psychology behind al mualim’s "love" and maybe showing how al mualim did care about altair in a complicated, fraught sort of way (like, you know, there’s a lot of interesting things you could say about al mualim at several points addressing altaïr as "my child" in AC1 and how that parallels Garnier referring to the people he drugged and abused as his "children", and what that says about how the templars view the people who they say they want to save and in whose best interests they supposedly act (in any case, al mualim doesn’t use that phrase because he has any real parental feelings but rather to patronize and to invalidate any objections, like in a "mother knows best" way))
but they even fucking DARE to parallel that relationship with that of altaïr and darim in revelations, by having the reflection in the puddle of darim hugging altaïr showing altaïr hugging al mualim…. like their relationship wasn’t inherently abusive but just tragically cut short because al mualim was just "corrupted by the apple"… like WHAT???? so it’s not the very real problems like grooming, manipulation and indoctrination and the hierarchical structure of the brotherhood itself (all of which are antithetical to the assassin ideology), it was just the evil apple all along. great. that’s DEFINITELY a lot more interesting.
god im sorry i really dont want to spread negativity but this is driving me INSANE. like, somebody please tell me im not crazy bc i feel like somehow most of the fandom is in agreement that revelations and the secret crusade have better storytelling and characterization than ac1.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, can we talk about how, even IF we completely ignore AC1 and treat revelations altaïr as his own character…. the narrative still doesn’t really work?
basically, the whole point of his story in rev is that "he gave his whole life to the brotherhood", this obsession led to him not using his time with his family which has him ending up dying alone in a dark library and this in turn makes ezio reevaluate his life choices…. except. he doesn’t? neglect? his family? or whatever? like, his devotion to the assassins is sort of painted as this tragic flaw that leads to a lonely death bc it supposedly comes at the cost of his family, but… his wife has joined the assassins, (at least) one of his sons is in the brotherhood and even when he goes to protect the assassins against the mongols, he takes his family with him (except for the son who stays behind bc he has a family of his own and who, ironically, ends up dying bc of that)… like, you can’t describe altaïr as a good husband and father in the database and have his son tell him that "everything that is good in me began with you, father" when they say goodbye, and then want to make us believe that he put his family behind the brotherhood and that that is a character flaw that leads to his tragedy.
because you HAVE to have a character’s tragedy be the result of a character flaw. like. that is how tragedies work. otherwise it just becomes tragedy for the sake of tragedy which is… boring bc it has no purpose. and we know it is SUPPOSED to have purpose bc ezIO FUCKING QUITS BEING AN ASSASSIN AFTER WITNESSING IT!
it’s like they want to have their cake and eat it, too — they didn’t want to actually make altaïr a bad husband/father, but still wanted to make his life a tragedy where he loses his family which is why instead they outsource all responsibility to abbas who now has to be the reason for ALL the deaths.
like, they try to make at least maria’s death kind of sort of the result of altaïr’s rashness or whatever but like… these guys KILLED THEIR SON and TOLD HIM THAT ALTAÏR HAD ORDERED HIS DEATH. like, altaïr losing it in response to that is not rash, it’s fucking logical and justified! if anything the scene made me angry at maria for trying to stop him. like, GIRL, he was YOUR son too??? but god forbid we give female characters actual real emotions, she has to fill the role of "voice of reason who dies for altaïr’s man pain" i fucking guess.
like, it’s this weird mix where his tragedy is simultaneously painted as his own fault but also not really bc abbas is the one responsible for all the shit that happens. it just… it just doesn’t really go together.
the only way to make his story make sense narratively and to give it actual purpose is by looking at it in the context of ezio’s story, bc the things he sees in altaïr’s memories are supposed to be a revelation (ha!) to ezio specifically. and i guess that’s maybe the crux of it all — altaïr’s story in revelations was conceived of first and foremost to support ezio’s story and development. which is probably also why many people maybe don’t notice bc, having skipped ac1 and started with ac2, the majority of people mostly care only about ezio and only really appreciate altaïr’s story in as far as it serves to push ezio forward. (tho i’ve also seen a few people say that ezio is also written kind of weird in rev, but i’ve never really been an ezio girly myself so i can’t speak to the truth of that)
like, altaïr dying alone in the library doesn’t really have to make sense for his character, i guess, bc it’s only really supposed to be a cautionary tale for ezio.
so, i guess, for once, they actually had a MAN dying for another man’s character development, which is pretty woke actually. ubisoft, i take everything back jksdsfjhgdsahfhsdhfghfdsgjhsdgjh
#assassins creed#ac1#altair ibn la'ahad#malik al-sayf#ezio auditore#asscreed#rant#long post#this is killing me#i even started rereading the secret crusade bc i thought maybe i remember it being worse than it is#but honestly its the opposite#even just the fact that in the secret crusade altair always says some last sentence after his targets' confessions#has me so irrationally angry aksjdfh#like over sibrands body he says something like 'may death be merciful' or something#like? did they want that to be like requiescat in pace or something???#like aside from the fact that altair WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THESE THINGS#it also just destroys the tension built up by the target's last words#like... i do think it was very much on purpose that the target always had the last word in the confessions#sigh whatever its just a stupid video game from over 15 years ago who cares#(me. i care. unfortunately. i wish i didn't. send help please.)#also the fact that bowden just completely fucked up arabic naming conventions with the whole “umar/darim ibn la'ahad” thing#(which is kind of an achievement considering that wasn't too great in ac1 to begin with)#tho bc of that they kind of inadvertantly ended up implying that roshan is altairs ancestor which i actually kind of like lol#anyways sorry for this giant wall of text#this is probably (definitely) the longest post i've ever made lmsadjf#but i do think i've gotten most of it off my chest.... maybe#maybe ill add stuff if i come across something else that makes me angry lol#sorry i know i promised an essay and instead delivered a rant#i just dont think i have the capacity to actually structure my thoughts any better kajdsf
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What Could He Do? Should Have Been a Father But he never even made it to his twenties
The title is deceivingly sad, I promise this is just some pure father's day fluff that just happens to be set in the Kraang apocalypse timeline. (Ao3)
Pairing: Donnie x Reader
TWs: None really, though it does take place in the kraang apocalypse
Happy Father's Day to everyone celebrating.
You often imagined these days in a world where the sun wasn’t bleeding red. Where the green trees still stood proud against the winds and the air was crisp with summer breezes. You imagined taking your daughter to the park where she would sit on her father’s shoulders and point at every little thing that caught her attention.
The view outside your window may not be the most inspiring sight, but truthfully all you needed today was your family. With them, you could pretend everything was all right.
“Mamma! Mamma!” Your daughter comes racing around the corner of the hall. When she reaches you she goes quiet, “Is papa asleep now?” Lenore asks with a whisper.
You smile warmly and nod. It had been a bit of a chore, but with a little convincing and literal dragging, you managed to pull your stubborn husband out of his lab for some much needed rest. Donnie claimed he wasn’t tired, but the moment his head hit that pillow he was out like a light. “Yes, he’s asleep right now.”
“Perfect.” Lenore grins and gets a gleam in her eye that matches her father’s perfectly. You really should have known you’d have two mad scientists running around.
“My light, what are you planning?” You ask.
Lenore grins, her eyes shining as she grabs your hand and begins pulling you down the hall. She pulls you down a familiar stretch and into the lab as the doors open with a hiss. She pulls you through the lab to a back corner, her little tail wagging the whole time.
When she finally lets go of your hand she speaks. “I found something and I wanna give it to papa today, but I needed him out of the lab.” She explains as she kneels down and grabs a box out from under her desk, which is messy with blueprints and parts. The box is worn but on it you can see your daughter’s handwriting. Papa Keep Out!
“What did you find?” You ask softly and curious.
Lenore freezes for a moment before turning with a sheepish grin. Now you’re slightly concerned. “Please don’t be mad, Mamma.” She pauses a moment before taking a breath and spitting it out like a curse. “But I went into the city.”
Your eyes went wide. “You what? You know that’s incredibly dangerous. When did you? Why?”
“Cj was with me, we were fine.” Lenore says.
“You’re both only 10 years old!” You exclaim, “You can’t run off on your own. And you know you’re now supposed to go into the city.”
“But if I didn’t I wouldn’t have found this!” Lenore explains and opens the box. “I think it might have been papa’s from… the Before.”
Your heart leaps into your throat and you choke on a gasp when you look down and see what was in the box. A million thoughts raced through your head trying to make sense of what you were seeing. Tears threaten to spill over your cheeks as your throat runs dry. “Shelldon?”
The name is a broken whisper on your tongue as you kneel down next to your daughter to get a better look at the drone in the box. One of his rotors is missing and he looks incomplete, but it is, without a doubt, Shelldon. You thought you’d never see him again. Donnie had been in the middle of rebuilding him when the Kraang attacked. They had lost a lot of stuff from the lair that day, including Shelldon.
You gently pull the little drone out of the box and glance to your daughter for an answer.
“I found him under the city. We were exploring. We were just looking for old tech, I wanted to bring something back for papa. We found this old place that looked like it was half caved in. I found the drone under some rubble. It looked like something papa would make, so I brought it back. I’ve been fixing it. I wanna surprise him with it.” Lenore explains as she twists and plays with her fingers.
You laugh as some happy tears slip down your cheeks and you rub your thumb over the little drone head. Your smile is bright as you look up and pull your daughter into a hug. “Oh my little light, you are full of surprises.”
Together the two of you work to fix the rest of Shelldon before Donnie wakes up from his forced nap. While working you share a few stories with your daughter about the little drone. She’s particularly fond of the one where Shelldon ran away to join the Purple Dragons. The stories only work to build Lenore’s excitement and she works fast, both eager to meet Shelldon and surprise her father.
“Moment of truth.” Lenore whispers as she closes up the battery port and makes sure everything is in the right place. She nods to you, and you tentatively reach out and press the little on button. Slowly you see the glowing red eye “blink” open. You can’t school the grin on your face as Shelldon wakes up and looks at you.
“(Y/n)?”
“Hey Shelly.” You smile and pet his head softly. His rotors jump to life as he speeds off the desk, nearly sending you stumbling backward as you catch him against your chest.
“Mom!” It’s a hug you never believed you'd feel again as you hug your robotic son. When he pulls away and hovers in the air before you, his head tilts. “You’ve gotten older. So much older.”
You nod. “Yeah a lot’s happened Shelly.” You gesture for your daughter to join your side. She steps closer with a shy grin. “But first I’d like to introduce you to Lenore. My daughter…your younger sister.”
Lenore waves and Shelldon’s eyes brighten as he swoops down to be face to face. “Woah!” He waves his front rotor. “Hi! I’m Shelldon.” Lenore’s grin grows as she too says hi.
Shelldon and Lenore hit it off immediately. Lenore is fascinated with the little drone and Shelldon asks Lenore lots of questions. It does funny things to your heart watching your son and daughter interact.
“My little light, I’m going to go get your father now, are you ready?” You ask. Lenore nods her head enthusiastically. Shelldon’s rotors whirl with excitement as well. “Okay, I’ll be right back.” You laugh and step out of the lab.
Your heart is racing with excitement as you quickly travel the halls leading back to your room. When you get there the door is opening up and a still half asleep looking Donnie is stumbling out, but for the most part he looks well rested.
“When you coerced me to bed I was under the impression that you’d be joining me.” He mumbles when he sees you.
You chuckle and straighten his mask. “Sorry Dove, I was helping Lenore with something.”
He perks up a little at that. “Oh? Pray tell what it is you two were working on.”
Shaking your head, you grin up at your husband. “I’m afraid that is a surprise our little light has put together for you. So if you would follow me, I’d told her I would retrieve you.”
Donnie raises an eyebrow as your offered arm and follows you through the halls. He picks up on the familiar path to the lab right away. “Ah. Is that why you wanted me out of the lab so badly?” He teases.
“It was a part of it maybe, but you really did need the rest.” You shrug. “Killing two birds with one stone.” Donnie hums as you reach out at tap a few times against the door of the lab. You can hear your daughter’s hushed voice whispering before she calls out for you to enter and the doors slide open.
Lenore is standing there in the middle of the lab, her hands slipped into the pockets of her overalls and her goggles resting atop her head. She truly looks like a carbon copy of your husband. Hovering by her side is Shelldon who looks five seconds from running Donnie over.
Donnie has frozen stiff by your side as he sets his gaze on Shelldon. You can practically see the thoughts turning in his head and the emotions swirling in his eyes. “Shelldon?” Like you, the name is barely a whisper on his lips. “How?”
“Dee!” Shelldon shouts and races forward. Also like you, Donnie’s arms automatically wrap around the small drone.
“How?” Donnie asks louder.
Lenore steps up to answer. “I found him. I had a feeling he was yours from the Before. So I fixed him up the past few weeks.” She explains.
Donnie’s eyes are wide as he looks between Lenore and Shelldon. His gaze falls back to you and you just smile and nod. “This was all your daughter, I had no idea until a few hours earlier.”
His grip tightens on Shelldon. “Shelldon. Shelldon.” All Donnie could do is repeat the name like a mantra, like he can’t quite believe it’s real.
“I missed you too Dad.” Shelldon says, resting his head on Donnie’s shoulder. The two stay in silence for a moment as Donnie takes it all in. You stand beside Lenore with your hand on her shoulder as she watches the interaction while her tail wags.
“You did good, my light.” You whisper to her.
“I like seeing him happy. I like seeing you both happy.” Lenore says as she turns to you. You smile and bring her into a hug. When you part, Donnie has also let go of Shelldon to inspect the work Lenore did, to which Shelldon shows off with pride.
Donnie glances at Lenore, who stands there beside you fiddling with her hands. He takes a step toward her and kneels down to pull her into a tight hug. “Thank you.”
“Happy Father’s day, papa.” Lenore responds as she hugs him back just as tightly. Both you and Shelldon are pulled into the hug as well and the four of you hold onto each other tightly. Your family is one hundred percent complete now: your son and daughter in your arms and your husband holding you close. Peace is a rare treat these years, and you’re determined to hold onto this moment for as long as you can.
Maybe you do dream about the memories you’ll never have: walks in the park with your children, lazy days in, board game nights, walking your daughter to her first day of school. But those will just be dreams. Right here and now is all you need.
#This may have gotten away from me which is why it's so late in the day#But Imma post it anyway#It's only reread like once so I apologize for mistakes#my writing#rottmnt#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt x reader#rise of the tmnt#donnie x reader#rottmnt donnie x reader#there's always more to lose
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My Personal Headcanon On Why Amy's Love For Sonic Died Down Lately (and their dynamic)
When they were younger, Amy's love for Sonic was pretty extreme, and Sonic was, understandable, uncomfortable for the most part. He knows she means well, but that girl needs to calm down.
She can fight, but sometimes her hammer could only stun her enemies for a while. (It took her a long time to get rid of that robot that has been chasing her around Station Square.) She wasn't fully independent yet, even if she fought on her own a couple of times.
She often follows Sonic and his friends around. She is part of the team, but she was not a strong as she is now at the time yet.
She admires Sonic. A LOT. And Sonic knows that. Obviously, he could only run away from something like that, since he is NOT ready for that kind of thing, and whether Amy takes the hint or stop, she still loves him.
...BUT, I think things were slightly starting to change between her and Sonic after Lost World.
Remember this line?
You remember that? Okay, okay. Here's another totally unrelated question:
Before the events of Lost World, when was the last time Amy said "I love you" to Sonic out loud?
...YEP. 😈 (Unless I'm missing something, let me know lmao)
As more games and adventures come out, the characters get slightly older, and Amy is 12 to 13 now, and she is most certainly at that age where her body starts to change, but especially on how she views Sonic.
She knows she loves Sonic, but it was this moment during her change where she actually wanted to admit that she loves him.
I believe that Amy was all about sharing her affection to him not through confessions, but through obvious hints. Sonic totally got it, and there was no need to confess. Sonic knows she loves her.
...But she never said it. And she almost did, but she never did again for a while.
I think this was the moment in her life where, oh, God, she actually loves Sonic. SHE LOVES HIM, WHAT.
And she was looking back at all the times she had with Sonic that she can now see were unpleasant to Sonic (At least that's what she thinks) and that's probably why she isn't so expressive about her love to him than how she used to back then.
She wasn't sure what to do with this realization, and sets aside it for a while, and nearly stayed as her casual, peppy self... until the Eggman War happened.
During the 6 months of being with the Resistance, fighting Eggman's army all day and all night, all she can think of was Sonic.
She dreams that he still with not just her, but with her friends. She just wanted to see Sonic again, she just wants to be with her hero again.
But I'd like to think that she was also thinking about how she used to treat Sonic back when they were younger, how Sonic would almost always run away from her whenever she asks him out, or always look so uncomfortable whenever she gets so close to him.
Cringing at those memories big time, she wanted to change and hopefully when Sonic is okay and comes back, she can be better for him.
...Or will he still find her uncomfortable regardless? Would he even be happy to see her at all if he did survive?
But, hold on! She can't just give up her love for Sonic! He made her who she is today! A peppy, nature-loving, hammer-swinging, confident, brave... loud-mouth... annoying... Sonic obsessed... weak... pathetic... lonely little girl.
If she gives up on Sonic, it'll be like she gave up on the one hedgehog who saved her life. If she didn't she'll still be the same ol' Amy.
I also like to think she had parents a long while before she met Sonic, and was even expecting a little sister, but a robot invasion happened from where she was and attacked her parents and instead of trying to save them, after getting hurt, she ran away, hoping that they'll come back okay. But they never did.
She was all alone, and needed someone, a friend, a new family, someone who will hold her hand, anyone, to be there for her. But she was ignored by lots, and at that point, she's better off by herself, but still longed for company.
Eventually though, her tarot cards told her her future hero, and there might be hope after all. She encountered Sonic, held onto the belief of the cards tight, and the rest is history.
So, with that headcanon in mind, not only did Amy loose her parents that she didn't save because of her cowardliness (she was only so little at the time that happened) and also Sonic, who she thought will be her only hope, but now gone.
She doesn't even care if he did come back, he'd probably hate her now after everything she did to him, always talking about their "future wedding" or forcing him to go to Twinkle Park.
For the last few months of the war, it was nothing but Amy mentally beating herself up for either refusing to change or moving on, and they are both not fine choices.
She loves Sonic, but he does not love her, and she finally, finally realized it. And it's probably for the best if no body loved her at all.
But of course Sonic did survive and all of her worries wash away in an instant, she's just not expressive about her love for Sonic AT ALL now, since she's still worried about it but rather not mention it to Sonic because it doesn't matter.
If Sonic doesn't love her, then her feelings don't matter to him, and according to Amy herself, that is okay.
But also, I'd like to think that Sonic was thinking about his friends a lot up in the Death Egg for the past months, sometimes it's Tails (worried for his safety), sometimes it's Shadow (because he's wondering why he would join Eggman.) At some point, for a few days, Amy was in his mind the longest, and he felt bad about how he thought he was rude and pushy to her.
He wondered if she's not thinking about it too much, and if she is, will she give up on him? Yeah, he doesn't feel the same and still not looking for a relationship, but it's so strange but interesting how anyone could ever like someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. Amy was never afraid to show that, and she probably might be now.
He couldn't help but feel guilty. They were kids when she was like this, but he was so... arrogant at the time too. Not a lot happened at the time yet. He'd always have trouble expressing how much he value his friends, until he shattered the Paradox Prism. (I'd like to think Prime took place before Forces. It makes sense.)
She is such a sweet girl, and he probably made her believe that he didn't care for her. Just because he doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean he hates her at all.
He wished he never ran away from Amy... Worrying for his little bro and wishing to be a good person for Amy was when Sonic cried in the Death Egg for the first and only time.
Frontiers, in my opinion, is kind of confirming their dynamic now. Sonic is a lot more sincere and kinder to Amy and she is not all hyperactive and lovey to Sonic. There is probably a real reason for this now.
They are both hiding their feelings from them, and they are both unaware of this. Amy, hiding her mental issues from Sonic, and Sonic, hiding his guilt away from Amy.
None of those things are important now. Sonic is with Amy and Amy is with Sonic. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
They don't care if they'll ever be something more when they get older. None of that matters anymore. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
Maybe someday they'll both talk about it, but for now, the present is important. They care about each other too much to think about it right now.
It's the kind of love that is unbreakable. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It's just love. Love is important for everyone, in any form. It's something Sonic and his friends need. And especially Sonic and Amy.
Amy Rose is the living embodiment of love, and without her, a lot would go downhill for Sonic and co. Heck, if it weren't for her, Shadow wouldn't have never remembered Maria's promise, which lead him to save the world with Sonic, before he temporarily disappeared from their lives for a while.
She is always there to lend a helping hand for anybody, even bad guys like Metal Sonic, and despite what she had been through, both in Forces and headcanon wise, she still fights back, even without her hammer.
She will pick you back up on your feet, reminding you that you are important and that you are loved, and that you should never give up. It's pretty much the words of encouragement she herself needed also...
She is still the happy, hyper, butt-kicking hedgehog we all know and love, but she still need someone to pick her back up on her feet after so long. Thankfully, she has her friends and her blue hero. The hero who made her who she is today.
I think Amy has no idea how important she thought she is, but Sonic does. Sonic knows fully well how important she is to a lot of people. It's about time he returns the favor to her. It's his turn to remind her how much a lot of people love her.
How much he loves her.
And I feel like The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was the moment where their dynamic really shined, but also the starting point of their relationship not only healing, but also the next chapter of what's to come for them.
Everyone, friends old and new, gathered around for a special birthday. A birthday for the confident, unshakable, and radiant Amy Rose.
It was such a special moment in Amy's life. After years of chasing and following the people she look up to, she is part of the team, but most importantly, she is part of the family.
She is fully realized as someone more than just a fangirl, but someone strong, courageous, creative, kind and a big inspiration for others.
I feel like this moment here...
-is where Amy is eternally grateful to call her friends her family. A family she thought she'll never have again. She's not alone anymore, and as long as they're by her side, she'll never will be again.
Her chasing days are over. She's finally caught up to them. She's finally home.
And it's all thanks to Sonic.
If it weren't for him, she'd probably be alone forever. Her past moments with Sonic might be embarrassing to look back on for a while, but they are good memories regardless, because they involve him.
Sonic saved her life in more ways than one, and despite everything, he's grateful to have her too.
He cares about her. He really does... And in her eyes, that all she needed to know. As long as Sonic loves her in his own way, she'll be happy.
Amy hasn't given up on Sonic. As long as Amy always supports him, he'll be happy.
Maybe sometime in the future, they can talk about their problems, but that's a story for another time. At this point, they need to. Right now, they are happy. They are okay.
They are here for each other. They are finally better for each other now.
"You guys won't ever leave me, right?"
"Wouldn't dream of it."
#piko rambles#sonic the hedgehog#amy rose#Meant to be platonic but I don't care if you tag as ship lol#I've been meaning to post something like this for the longest time now but never really got into posting it-#-because you guys REALLY hate seeing these two together for some reason.#Well not for SOME reason. There are valid reasons why you don't ship them. Everyone has valid reason why they don't ship this or that.#But sometimes those reasons can just sound so petty to me. Like the reason why is because Amy is a stalker or Sonic hates her which is FALS#Also those age gap arguments are understandable but so goddamn annoying sometimes. Maybe when they hit their late teens or early twenties-#then they can be together if they want to. Besides a good percentage of Sonic ships are better off if they waited til they're old enough im#I love them regardless of whether they're just friends or an awkward older cringe fail couple lmao#But them being just friends and hiding away all their emotions towards each other just to keep them safe and happy with them- 😭😭😭#Son/adow is my favorite ship of all time and sonamy is my favorite childhood ship/platonic ship because they both have one thing in common.#ANGST 😀#I've been thinking about Sonic and Amy's dynamic as of late and MAN-#Mixed with some personal headcanons of mine and their dynamic as of late just makes me so emotional.#Sonic and Amy have gotten so close now and it's so sweet but so heartbreaking at the same time when you think about it.#I'm so happy they are getting along better and being there for each other but there is so much to dissect here. So much to think about.#I might be a little silly but Amy losing her parents and being alone for so long and being the reason why she's always hanging onto Sonic-#-explains SOOOOOOOOO much about her. At least that's my headcanon for WHY that is.#Amy with abandonment issues speaks to me on a personal level. I'm always afraid of being forgotten or left behind by my family.#I sometimes feel like I'm not good enough no matter how hard I try. I do not blame Amy. I relate to her a lot. It's one of the many reasons#-why Amy is my favorite character besides Sonic and Shadow.#She fights hard to prove she's a valuable member of the team and hates getting left behind but despite all that she wasn't afraid to-#-express herself and her love for people. But after the Eggman War there was some changes that made her less expressive about her love.#Yeah she still loves Sonic but she doesn't admit it because none of that matters anymore and she thought that not being loved by Sonic#-is better than being loved since she nearly wasted her life loving someone who she thought has constantly bothered. 🥲#But I think after TMoStH I think she'll be less afraid of being expressive about it. She and Sonic are just so caring for each other 😭#I love these two way too much that when I think about them for too long I'll start SOBBING 😭😭 I'M EVEN SOBBING RIGHT NOW LMAO
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out of curiosity, would you consider yourself butch?
used to be a blonde underweight twink and now I'm a based jock still got the chanel bag and the sick albeit matured mind of a suckpig to prove it so I'm gonna let you decide whether you wanna call me that word just cuz I got a pussy and short hair. I promise you that there have been enough advancements made in the art of lesbian sexual dynamics in the past 50 years to broaden the vocabulary used to describe the plethora of types of masculine females.
#being called butch just reminds me of how much males have the freedom to navigate between male archetypes and how people pay attention to#the distinguishing features of these varying masculinities#but when a female is seen as masculine it all gets lumped under the “butch” category#her masculinity is seen as unnatural and therefore incapable of being considered genuine or taken at face value as it is with males.#its always brought into question instead of taken in consideration with the rest of the woman's life and experiences and her particularities#Hence... Butch is still being treated as though its a huge lesbian cultural phenomena instead of a specific niche thing#also i dont mean to invite the “you dont pass!!” anons again bc that idiot is missing my point entirely (which is that im truly not trying)#but the fact is that for the past 3 years i have found myself increasingly navigating the male social world#and discovering what it means to me as a female to have access to the ability to take my “masculinity” for granted... relax#forget about it#etc#i think thats entirely antithetical to the Butch thing which seems to rest on the tension of other peoples expectations of her#people broadly are more surprised to find out that im interested in women just as much as they're surprised that im a gym queen iykwim...#ive worked hard for this and now that ive gotten the Woman Social Role thing pretty much entirely out of the way i am living the dream#i think a large part of that is learning as a dyke to appropriate the language of gay men theres a reason their terminology had#staying power even when their scene was *literally* dying meanwhile all that seemed to survive from dyke spaces was butch n femme ??#its because theirs didnt necessitate the building and maintenance of a scene in order for the subculture to hold its head above water#their labels *largely* weren't predicated on their relationships to gender roles and its telling that for dykes it was#their labels rested on the need to simply show up anonymous n be able to easily flag whether they were looking to fuck or be fucked#alongside the set of circumstances under which they would be fucking or getting fucked or what have you#it all comes back to the restrictions of female social blah blah blah and i think the sooner we collectively set down what we see as our#responsibility as lesbians and as feminists to Be A Woman the sooner we can step outside of that#n start thinking clearly about our individual circumstances and the necessity of putting on your own oxygen mask first before helping others
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this is how we're supposed to be
#just my two cents#my stuff#my post#digital scrapbook#my art#digital sketchbook#the untamed#the untamed fan art#wei wuxian#lan zhan#mdzs#mdzs fanart#im honestly really pleased with this#its not perfect and i worry i might have gotten too Caught Up in some of the details and strayed a little far from the sketchy vibe#but thats okay bc i really really like it#there are some things im not sold on still but overall its very sweet and almost exactly how i saw it in my head#which is always super super nice#ANYWAY i have a playlist for them now and im fine about it#song referenced is fortress by bears den
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Roier: [The Spanish streamers] haven't connected because of La Velada [a big Spanish event]. Well, I know that Luzu has been training and that's why he hasn't been able to enter. I think that when they return, they will return when La Velada is over, I think. I think. Or maybe they won't come back, who knows, who knows. We'll see, we'll see, hopefully, hopefully. And if they don't enter, keep your mouth shut because they can log on whenever they decide they want to.
This isn't a perfect translation, but I know a lot of people are curious about where the Spanish QSMP streamers have been, so here's Roier's commentary on it.
TLDR: a lot of things are happening in the Spanish community right now, which is why some players haven't been logging on, but others dealt with a lot of overbearing fans / members of the community early on in the series, which is why Roier reminds people not to harass anyone. If the other Spanish streamers decide not to come back, don't pester them, but if they do decide to log onto QSMP, welcome them back with lots of love!
#Roier#QSMP#QSMP ESP#qsmp español#Translated#This isn't a very elegant translation but you get the jist#If someone can phrase it better I'll edit this translation#For more context: Luzu is one of the boxers in La Velada#so he's been training SUPER hard for his match#it's his second (?) time doing it and last time he got a really bad injury right before the fight#and he was SUPER disappointed he couldn't go through with it#which is another reason (IMO) why he's been training extra hard this year#I love Luzu because every once in a while he'll do something and you'll casually see how frickin jacked he's gotten#and I'm just like DANG BOY#I'm jealous of his muscles but also that training regiment sounds GRUELING I don't envy that#Luzu's situation is a little wacky because he's got La Velada PLUS he just moved back to Spain and he's got an entirely new schedule#He mostly said he didn't log on because no one was ever online when he was#but now we have more international players so hopefully he'll come back!#Man I could go on and on about Luzu#So many people said his lore was dumb in the beginning (which is like. still so shocking to me because his lore is always so cool)#but literally so much of the major QSMP lore these days was BUILT on what he made#the Binary Monster being the biggest thing#He's also the one who named Cucurucho and now that's its canon name lol#Anyways. ~The more you know~#Posting this because I've got another clip of Roier and Forever chatting and that's cute but it needed some more context#June 26 2023
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who loves the antichrist
Olivie - His Lover
I remember his heart in my heart.
I remember his weakness, his follies, his flaws.
I remember that he can be hurt, and put my hand over his wounds.
When you stand upon the burning hill;
When you huddle in the dark;
Do not forget that I alone remember your heart.
Volo - His Knight
My lord burns me, spends me, restores me.
My lord's hand is my hand: my lord's will is my will.
My lord aims his sword at heaven, and I am his sword.
I tremble; I shiver. I stand before a greater light.
Have mercy upon me, my lord.
My anguish is complete, and my soul is yours.
Bellefleur - His Queen
I will make him for my hand.
I will make him for my enemies.
I will make him what he wants to be made.
He is great, and I will make him greater.
Look neither to the left nor right. Trust my hand upon your back.
A sword exists for a purpose.
#every one of bastian's primary ships makes me want to bite through plywood#Bastian has intermittently become aware that his wife might be manipulating him#but he always forgets it; always just goes away#until Olivie finally grabbed him by his shoulders and shouted OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES#he's still not sure how much he blames on Bellefleur but he might actually have wrapped his hands around the idea for good this time#that as she sharpens him and sharpens him he might be losing other parts of himself#Olivie raised the idea that Bellefleur might have deliberately gotten one of Bastian's allies killed because that ally didn't trust her#and Bastian couldn't dismiss it#Bastian loves Bellefleur for being the kind of woman who'd do all this shit but that doesn't mean he wants it done to HIM#and then there's Volo#which is how everyone talks about it: 'and then there's Volo'#the exception the special case in everything in every situation#everyone acknowledges that there is something sacred and strange between the two of them#something that admits no one else and acts as the keystone for Bastian's soul#a woman a disciple and...whatever Bellefleur is#or imagines herself to be#heretic#dice matters
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Peter ending up at the Stilinski's house after the fire as "suspiciously large dog" and getting nursed back to health by Stiles.
Thoughts? 👀
I think Noah is pretty dubious about the large “dog” he finds Stiles with when he gets home, but he’s also helpless when his son looks up at him with those big brown eyes and wobbling lower lip and says, “Dad, he’s hurt. We have to help him!”
But the thing is, it turns out Peter’s not healed in wolf form, but the wounds he suffered in the fire basically disappeared under his skin. I dunno, it’s some weird shifter magic. So the vet is like, “I don’t know what’s wrong with him. He seems fine physically.” (Is this a metaphor for invisible illness? Or for the wounds we have that nobody can see? Maybe)
Even Noah can see that the dog isn’t okay, and he really hopes that it doesn’t have some weird illness it can somehow pass on to Stiles, but he doesn’t stop Stiles from taking care of the dog.
Stiles doesn’t know why the dog isn’t okay, but he clearly isn’t. It’s hard for him to walk. He sleeps for hours at a time, and sometimes when he’s awake, he lets out mournful howls that send a shiver down Stiles’s spine.
Stiles will never know how much he’s really doing to heal Peter. Peter thinks he might have been stuck in pain for years if he hadn’t stumbled upon this boy. Stiles pets him constantly, cuddles with him at night, coos soft encouraging words to him when he howls. His love and loyalty is like pack, and it allows Peter to heal from his wounds much more quickly.
Stiles names the dog Thor, and he could swear it rolls his eyes at him whenever he says it, but he still comes when Stiles calls.
Thor refuses to wear a collar or leash, but he follows Stiles to school every day once he’s doing better, and he’s always waiting when Stiles gets out. This would be awesome anyway, but it’s extra awesome because Stiles gets bullied all the time, and now nobody bothers him to or from school anymore since Thor will place himself between Stiles and the bullies and growl viciously until they run away. It’s good for Scott too, because it wasn’t doing his asthma any favors when he and Stiles had to make a run for it.
So yeah, the Stilinskies end up having a dog. Kind of. I say kind of, because it’s not really a typical owner and pet situation. Thor is ungovernable. He comes and goes when he pleases. He never seems hungry, but he also rarely eats the food Stiles puts out for him.
Noah won’t admit it to Stiles, but Thor does seem to understand more than the average dog. He’s also huge, which would be disconcerting if Noah didn’t have clear proof that Thor would protect them with his life. All in all, it’s a strange situation, but soon neither of the Stilinskis can imagine a life without their dog.
#incidentally Stiles also notices Peter Hale around town about a year later#he’s disappeared for about a year after the fire#but he seems okay now#apparently a plastic surgeon did an amazing job on his scars everyone says#stiles doesn’t pay him much mind#except to notice that he runs into him a lot more than it seems like he should#and Peter is always really nice to him#which seems weird because he doesn’t seem to like people that much#he tells Peter one day that he really wishes he could show him his dog because it’s so awesome but Thor never shows up#when he’s around Peter#he doesn’t understand why Peter seems to find that so funny#somewhere along the way the stilinskis seem to have gotten a mysterious benefactor#because when Stiles’s phone breaks he finds a new one in the mailbox#and when his dad gets injured and ends up with a big hospital bill someone pays it off#they get gift cards to the grocery store#and an envelope full of cash that says they need a nice vacation so here you go please take one#as stiles gets older his dad confesses that this is concerning#but after all this time of the gifts coming and nothing nefarious happening#he’s decided maybe it’s okay#meanwhile Stiles is in his upper teens and suddenly uh oh#his now kind of friend Peter Hale is very hot#this is A Problem#you see where this is going…
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I just recently started following you so i don't have the full lore of your murderous gay religiously traumatized doggos, BUT, from my understanding, they are Italian and i don't know what part of Italy they are from, yet i can't help headcanoning Vasco as Tuscan, while Machete is probably from some part of Veneto. And as an Italian who has heard Tuscans and Veneto dialet, well it's an hilarious mental image.
Vasco is indeed Tuscan, Florentine to be specific. He comes from a wealthy and influential noble family that has lived in Florence for centuries. He's proud of his roots, and it's usually easy for strangers to tell where he's from. He's a resonably successful politician and has worked as an ambassador and representative of Florence on numerous occasions.
Machete is originally Sicilian (ironically about as far from Veneto as possible), although he was taken to mainland at young age and has lived in several places since then, before ending up in Rome. The way I see it, he exhibits very little local color, his demeanor and (even though Italian hadn't become a standardized language yet) way of speaking are formal, neutral and scarcely give away any hints about his personal history, at least in the 16th century canon.
#I tend to take the easy way out with the various Italian dialects/languages and temper their effect on how the dog world works#even though to my understanding in reality they differ drastically from each other even today and they aren't always mutually intelligible#especially when you compare northern and southern ones#I know at least Sicilian is so different from modern day Italian it's considered a separate language entirely#it isn't the only one but I'm not a linguist and not even Italian so I'm not really qualified to be explaining any of this to you#main point is that my dogs are well traveled educated and adaptable so I'd like to believe that they manage#otherwise making this whole scenario work would become very complicated#language barriers aplenty#Machete is a fast learner with a natural knack for languages so he absorbs/decodes new ones easily#and I can see him acting as an interpreter if necessary#which is a valuable trait for someone working as the secretary of state I'd imagine#a lot of people he ends up dealing with speak at least passable Latin so at a pinch they might perhaps try switching to that?#Vasco might have a Tuscan flavor but Machete is more of a blank slate (at least in public and at work)#answered#fallenoftheromaempire#feel free to correct me if I've gotten something wrong I'm not an expert and this stuff is complicated for an outsider
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kinda of found bumblebee and nemesis prime in geoguessr 🫡🫡
#I'm loving spotting silly robot car look alikes in geoguessr it's so fun finding them#Bumblebee is in Guadalajara - Mexico (a taxi for specific. I saw quite lot of “him” lol#(and there's a brown vw beetle infront which helped me get mx 😁)#And Nemesis is inbetween Santo Domingo and Jacagua - Dominican Republic!!!!!#No tho like seriously if you play geoguessr I strongly urge keeping a look out for cars that could be transformers it's so fun#I could have gotten a clearer picture of nemesis but I think my dual placed so I couldn't :((#BOTH ON THE SAME DUAL/ROUND ASWELL LIKEEEEEE the luck#bumblebee#tf bumblebee#transformers bumblebee#Nemesis Prime#Transformers nemesis prime#transformers#Can always count on Mexico coming in clutch for Bumblebee 🫶🏽🫶🏽 whether it's vw beetle bee or what ever bee#(Even though I haven't found a yellow one yet 😔) (I could go Mexico City and say the city taxi is Arcee but I think it's too big a stretch)#geoguessr
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but fr outside of my contracted madness i absolutely refuse to give joe alwyn gold rush like how is that song at all related to their relationship the lyrics clearly spell out a relationship that either never existed or only existed in implication and fantasies and maybe-maybe nots and its so bitter and yet desperately soft in the bridge where it almost projects a sense of envy, of wanting to be them as much as you want them. It continues an interesting oft ignored lyrical trend of taylor wanting just as much to be her lover as to have them, envying their easy charisma (you were flush with the currency of cool/i was always turning out my pockets) or quiet dignity (your integrity makes me seem small) dating back to her earliest songs (the kind of flawless i wish i could be). Theres a projected self hatred and yearning to be better that twists itself into both romantic and sexual lust for her partners thats so fascinating and speaks to how all of her songs regardless of who theyre about are also an act of self reflection on who she is and who she wishes to be.
#barry.txt#taylor swift#putting this in the tags as a form of self protection but make no mistake this is a gay thing to do especially in gold rush#which through simple context clues is Obviously About A Woman or maybe even women in general#whivh is a totally seperate post on how taylor constructs and uses gender identity in her music#her girlhood and femininity are earnest but also so carefully constructed and so high effort and kind of desperate#shes a deeply self concious and obsessive person who never looks comfortable in anything ever unless shes#onstage or like. by herself in loose jeans and a tshirt#i think thats one of the things that subconsciously irritate ppl when it comes to her shes constantly and clearly putting in effort#to appear As The Celebrity Taylor Swift and struggles not to self censor or overperform in interviews (when she gives them)#especially present in pre 1989 interviews where the interviewers really didnt have to respect her or worry abt how they frame her#if they didnt want to. Like the fearless era rolling stone interview where she almost has a meltdown over her mom buying eggnog instead of#milk. That whole interview is strange looking back not just bc of the weird misogyny but also because of what it does share#taylor is....weird. She has a strange and desperate vibe and always reacts slightly too much and uses slang poorly#shes media trained and has learned how to socialize but you can feel her discomfort whenever she doesnt have a guitar in her hand#idk these tags have once again gotten so unweildy. i just find it interesting that she finally feels some level of comfortable#in sharing that construction w us in songs like mirrorball and mastermind and imo gold rush#and scene#should i write this up and put it in the swiftieism zine#i should write something and put it in the swiftieism zine
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I can't imagine being anywhere near as insane as Trump supporters because my dad told me that he, earlier, drove past a guy putting a "Harris Walz 2024" sign outside his house and decided to yell out at him "TRUMP 2024 YOU COCKSUCKER" and flip him off. And he laughed when he told me because he thinks that yelling at a man (emphasized man because he thinks men should be "better" than women, and "better" would be voting for Trump in this case) who is voting for a "whore who slept her way to the top" (his exact words) is funny. And expected me to laugh with him. And got angry when I didn't and just stared at him in disbelief. Even though he already knows that I don't like Donald Trump. These people fully expect others to find their weird ass derogatory words and behavior FUNNY. Donald Trump is leading a cult of old people who he brainwashed into being delusional with him.
#vote blue#harris walz 2024#kamala harris#tim walz#i know some fucker is gonna be here saying like “it's true i was the tree”#i didn't see this with my own two eyes but i've lived 21 years with my dad and i HAVE seen him do shit like this#but it was mostly just honking at random people on the sidewalk or yelling “WHERE Y'GOING” in their direction out the window#like it's still embarrassing and weird but not derogatory#and since being retired and having nothing to do all day except watch trump and more trump and more trump he has gotten worse#not a day has gone by in the last four months where he hasn't insulted joe biden or kamala harris#and every single time he has expected my brother and i to laugh at his insult even though he knows that we don't like trump#it's so depressing watching your own parent become a worse person#he was already one of the insufferable republicans before trump and now he's a trump republican which is even worse#and yk what's even worse it's that my mom has no spine against men so if her boyfriend asks for her to vote trump she'll be like “okay”#she's not a republican she just doesn't care because she thinks voting doesn't matter#my aunt who i have always loved so much now calls up my dad to talk about trump with him and i never heard her swear until this year#my other aunt makes talking about trump her entire personality when she has a gambling addiction she should be treating instead#my dad's side is a bunch of trump supporters and my mom's side just doesn't give a fuck#and i can't vote because i'll get kicked out of here faster than the speed of light the second my dad sees#the paper in the mail saying that my voter history has been updated#even if it's not public who i voted for because he knows that whoever i vote for will never be trump#sorry#tag vent#this sucks#please vote
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