#Where’s your heart
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I think I realized how severely humor infects all spaces when I witnessed two of my coworkers at the neuro clinic I’m interning at laughing at putting in a patient as deceased
#It wasn’t because the patient was dead it was because of an error the system did or something#But even joking about it in that context is fucking weird to me#I thought death would be the only thing humor couldn’t touch#Especially in the context of FTD which is a very aggressive dementia#I don’t think they’re bad people but I do think they’re weird as fuck for that#And if it were me I wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing I made that kind of joke#I don’t mean to be a buzzkill but I have my limits and wtf was that#I didn’t say anything I just pretended to be engrossed in my paperwork#The neurologist I’m shadowing wasn’t present#And while I do think she’s a little too robotic when dealing w patients I don’t think she’d have been in on that joke#Just odd idk the us healthcare system already has issues but I think a big one I’m starting to see is#How desensitized the healthcare workers get#Where’s your heart#I love medicine for the humanism of it I don’t wanna become like this one day#I know some people are gonna tell me it’s Just Two Coworkers Being Silly#But can’t they be silly about something else
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not romantic not platonic but a secret third thing [what would happen between earth and the moon if the earth stopped spinning as illustrated by xkcd randall munroe]
#'your moon is here' things that make me explode like a supernova#UGHHHHHHH what if i was perpetually in your orbit. influencing the tides. protecting you from asteroids. and slowly drifting further away.#then you stopped moving and i was only pulse to your dead heart. orbiting you. right where ive been left. and so you started turning again.#ria.txt#personal#space opera au#(<- not about what you think is about)#hiiii this is gaining traction so glad we're all going insane :D your moon is here is SO fucked up. so good.#xkcd#randall munroe#space#moon#anyways xkcd comics are so good. entertaining witty and informative. check em out!#ok this is about false and ren from hermitcraft#falseren
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happy (belated) halloween! featuring @nikutsuneart's halloween town wolfku :)c
#kingdom hearts#sora#riku#soriku#ever makes art#i cant keep tracking of what pictures i posted where anymore. but it can be halloween in your heart all year round
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Holographic glitter fairy kitten sweater! Ford and Mabel needed way more screen time on the show. I like to think that Dipper is someone Ford can pass a legacy to, but Mabel is someone who taught Ford how to find joy. After a lifetime of using his talents to fuel his ambitions or survival, it would be so heartwarming to see him invent just to make his girly little niece smile.
#heal from your toxic divorce by becoming a girl dad#they have my whole heart#stanford pines#ford pines#mabel pines#gravity falls#gravity falls fanart#pines family#sixer#mabel#grunkle ford#I’m really glad I’m in a place in life where I can make the fanart I wish I could have made at 14
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real talk having the 2nd worst new years eve yet 🤢🤢🤢 (throat infection, twisted neck, banged-about-foot, ego AND the rest o' me all bruised like misjuggled peaches 🍑🍑🍑)
im bent outa shape and suspectin the universe owes me 8 buck if anyone wannsa chip in
#yes the 🍑🍑🍑was just an excuse to shove ass emojis in your face i'm only (occasionally. allegedly) human#now ask me about my FIRST worst new year eve. it involves wizards and portals and elaborate lies i make up on the spot#SAD REAL TALK <STARTS>:#also made the mistake of reaching out to my mom post-xmas#like what kind of c-ptsd NOOB does that. what kinda chronic holiday trauma survivor NOVICE??? embarrassing#THE SEDUCTIVE FALSE HOPE OF NOSTALGIA WILL LURE YOU IN EVERY TIME#'oh but maybe they won't disappoint me. but maybe they won't rip my heart out this time'#sweetheart that's your dear sweet inner child's yearning for what never was or will be. BEAT IT BACK WITH A STICK!#SAD REAL TALK <ENDS>#....back to that part where i talked about being bent out of shape#if anyone w/ metalwork skills wants ta take a blowtorch & hammer & tongs & have at... I'm open to experimentation is all im sayin#in lieu of that i would also welcome someone buying me a sandwich. i am. so sore.#(metaphysically sore but also the other more urgent im-at-my-daily-NSAIDs-limit kinda sore)#(hence: sanwimch)#...i got so sleepy writing this i started imagining the astonishing hedonism#of stroking a freshly grilled cheese-dripping sandwhich across my body like a loofah#the soothingness of the gooey warm near liquid cheese. the vaguely spongelike quality of toasted sourdough slice.#look i didn't imagine it on PURPOSE it just came to me like a vision like a threat#like one of those weird mens locker room ads where the sportsball is watermelon??? u know the one#where there's nudity & food & homoerotica & hot steaming showers in the background and STILL the overall effect is more offputting than sex#look i have a throat infection. i can barely swallow. i'm sipping chocolate milk to survive and i'm NOT EVEN ENJOYING IT. each drop is agon#(opposite side of the Tantalus spectrum but i'm suffering more than he has in 3.5 thousand years)#i'm dehydrated. barely conscious. electrolytes are circling down the drain. doctors should be incubating me w/ capri sun straws right now.#I GET A PASS ON THESE TAGS#i don't know what i wrote! and i don't stand by it! and you can't make me read em!!!
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please never go away
#enstars#ensemble stars#valkyrie enstars#mika kagehira#shu itsuki#shumika#erhm...........if you want me to explain this i feel like i would be the gif of the girl going “eto...bleh” lmao#it all started because of a video of moments of shu growling in songs and then i l read the lyrics for amor vincit omnia#i also feel like it doesn't make sense but i think that's the beauty of putting this in mika's perspective#cause i feel like he wouldn't be able to convey his love to shu the way shu would to him#i feel like he would just go 'oshi-san can i eat your heart?' cause that's where shu's love is stored in and that's the faster way to it#anyway i can't wait for my valkyrie trip album to come#art tag
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Mfers when they want your personal information (I said no)
#He wants your credit card info soooooo bad pleeeaassse just for a little guy like him???#Drawing him in MSpaint feels so.. right#like yes...!!!! he was born there!!! this is where he belongs!!!!#its a nice refresher#spamton#spamton g spamton#whaaatt#me when i say ill do ygm for a week straight and then other stuff happens#who could that be#i heart my desktop its perfect to make things like this in
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“Our child will always be a Bridgerton, but I should like them to know they are a Sharma as well” 💜🩵
the way this line lives in my mind rent free, like you don’t understand; the weight, the sentiments, the implications, in this essay i will—
ANYWAYS, i really hope to see baby Edmund in S4 👀
#bridgerton#anthony bridgerton#kate sharma#kate bridgerton#kanthony#s3 kanthony#kanthony fanart#bridgerton fanart#edmund bridgerton ii#neddy bridgerton#give the people what they want#oh trust me lil neddy#nothing could keep your papa away from your amma#ALSO SINCE THEY ARE GOING TO INDIA TO LEARN MORE ABOUT KATES FAMILY AND CULTURE#THEY BETTER HAVE THEM REFERRING TO EACH OTHER WITH INDIAN TERMS OF ENDEARMENT#all those fanfics where they refer to each other as jaanu#my heart melts 🥺🥺🥺
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imagine if after the transmigration shen qingqiu became a combination of shen yuan and shen jiu, not in a "second person living in my head" kind of way, but a "this house is haunted and carries the echoes of the dead" kind of way; imagine shen yuan having nightmares about a house, a fire, a faceless boy behind a door he can't remember; imagine him having flashes of emotions he doesn't understand, rage at a name he doesn't recognize, helplessness when yue qingyuan apologizes for something he won't mention, nausea when ning yingying says the name "a-luo"; imagine parts of his own self have changed too, how he now likes bows in his hair, pretty flowers and flowing robes, but can no longer stand a stranger's touch, a man's touch, yet he longs for the brothels, but never sexually, only fondly, like there's something there he misses. there are many empty spaces in his heart where he feels something is missing
#imagine if one day shen qingqiu wakes up and he no longer knows which one he is#imagine the guilt too. for not just taking a body but their self too. their memories and wants and needs and feelings#maybe it differs per day#sometimes he is more shen jiu. snappy and defensive and aloof#sometimes hes more shen yuan. silly and bumbling and trying so hard#and maybe. maybe. if you want to tear your heart a little more:#most disiciples and peak lords sit out the days where parts of shen jiu surface waiting for shen yuan to come back#theres a metaphor about the ship of theseus in here somewhere. its on the tip of my tongue#something something replacing all the parts one by one. is it still the same ship or has it become something new?#svsss#scum villian’s self saving system#shen jiu#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#scum villain#mxtx svsss#mxtx#luo binghe#bingqiu#svsss thoughts#yue qingyuan
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I'm noticing a trend here
#mario and rabbids#Super Mario Bros Movie#mario and luigi brothership#Luigi#Mario#gifs#Luigi you need to start watching where you're going you're gonna give your brother a heart attack
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British producers be like: THEM: "We love this! Let us put our heads together and get back to you early next week!" SIX MONTHS LATER UNPAID INTERN FOR THAT COMPANY: "Everyone you spoke to has been sacked, we hate you fuck off."
American producers be like:
THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON YOU'VE EVER MET: Hey kiddo do you wanna meet The Rock? Do you wanna meet Margot Robbie? Do you want to fuck my wife? I can't give you a job but gosh darn it you've got moxxy, let me put you in touch with Doug Bigcheese, the biggest producer in Hollywood! DOUG BIGCHEESE, EMAILING YOU BACK WITHIN 20 MINUTES: Hey kiddo, that guy said you're awesome! Lemme ask round town and in the meantime you can live in my house borrow my car and by the way have you met my wife?!
#acting#writing#producers#Americans Vs Brits#Americans are just so nice#Nobody has any work right now but gosh dang it the yanks have the right attitude#I think a lot of it is a generational thing too#British boomers seriously think taking 2 weeks to respond to an email is acceptable and I don't know how to tell them that that's just#too slow?!#You're leaving money on the table!#Maybe this is me coming from social media world where everything is instant#But the Americans#They just get it#They tell it how it is#They don't blow smoke up your ass#If you're not right they'll tell you and they'll help you out of the pure goodness of their cheese and apple pie hearts
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baby👶 drawings. these are very dear to me rn.. 2nd pic is my Nelavis with @barvin0k's Varonur 🩵 last one is a baby bosmer and snow elf, hairiest of them all. although the bosmer was meant to be my girl Barletta too lols
#tes#skyrim#my art#oc#nelavis#barletta#😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔 babies are so sweetum ugh my heart is crumbling rn#referenced some anne g*ddes stuff for dis#i call them snow elves instead of falmer like g*lebor would want me to#i never really get to talk about my elf anatomies at length cus i'm lazy but i sprinkled some info in the first pic#altmer society is EugenicsLand so you could only tell if your child has 'good' traits when they hit puberty#ex. height and shoulder width is something very important to them#if you don't have those traits ur pretty much a failure#other elves have it easier 🤓#idk i still might make some kinda infographic for the way i picture them but umm maybe not who knows#on snow elves and bosmer the fur is still 'confused' when they're in baby stage and is pretty much everywhere#it evens out w/ age and stays on the back; neck; sides of face the most and in places where human body hair wud be#idk ummm..and i think all elves grow their nails out unless they're very intertwined with humans in their life#ex. my snelf elisif; she has her nails trimmed to be regarded as more human i guess#nails are most important to altmer tho and might be a status symbol of some kind... they like using them in combat too#it's shameful for an altmer to not have long nails for any reason but there can be exceptions#like my el*nwen that can't physically grow nails out because of burn injury#so she has fake ones on her combat gloves#it's cute#elf nails aren't as frail as human nails and are more like an animals claws (corny) but bosmers' are the sturdiest#and their nails are curved in shape. for U know. Climbing and stuff#cause dunmer and altmer etc. have straight nails. they can hit the nail salon
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yea
#can’t stop thinking abt that one iirc hc? post? art? I don’t remember I saw where vash yawns and wings just spills from his mouf#very dear to me holding it close to my heart#I think tristamp vash is pretty . give me your gender boy#trigun#vash the stampede#checkadii
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HEART. LUNGS. LIVER. NERVES. HEART. LUNGS. LIVER. NERVES. HEART. LUNGS. LIVER. NERVES. HEART. LUNGS. LIVER. NERVES.
#HEART. LUNGS. LIVER. NERVES.#POV The Nightmare breaks your concentration and Slays You#i mostly drew the nightmare because its where i met voice of the paranoid#i love voice of the paranoid a lot#i love that the terrified voice in my head gets to be Helpful. and ACT#obviously incredibly prime subject to project onto#anyways i really like this game and when i can find the time and energy ive been trying to find all the paths and achievements by myself#so please enjoy my first post of the new year#i will not promise there will be more#i couldnt decide if i like the colors for the hand breaking our concentration so im giving yall both#voice of the paranoid#slay the princess#the nightmare#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#couchcouchcouchcouchart
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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck#good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen#im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3#writeblr#the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also#''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist#i was <3 punctured <3 during mine#and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3#she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh#ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance#i'd crash on the table#like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it#and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just#woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes#she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room#from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing#and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying#and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap#with this terrible memory#i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like#that was too many liters#and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home#i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after#that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty#you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it#while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED#and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.
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The soundtrack version of Only a Matter of Time is objectively better than the demo version, but the demo version is objectively way funnier
#just really tickles me to have opening number where your main character comes out and immediately rocks out about what a shithole life is#marty mcfly#back to the future#back to the future the musical#drawings#like i've never heard an opening number where the lead belts out 'IM A LOSER' in an upbeat rock song#the changes were good but the comedy lives in my heart forever#also the demo version of put your mind to it fucking sucks. the lyrics are so embarrassingly terrible lmaoooo
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