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I have a day off tomorrow which I sorta intend to spend on writing, possibly some short things just to get back in the saddle rather than risk getting overwhelmed by my Big Boys, so...
Anyone have a ficlet prompt?
Fandoms I'm willing to write for include but are not limited to: Discworld, The Untamed, Attack on Titan, Ace Attorney, The Locked Tomb, Doctor Who, Merlin, Black Sails, Sherlock, buffy the vampire slayer, Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell, Good Omens (strictly the book, not the TV series)
No promises, given that my writing skills have been in hibernation for almost a full year, but yknow. Send me a fandom, pairing or character and prompt and things may happen.
#But pasi you may say#Are you writing sherlock fic in the year of our lord 2023#Why yes i am#Listen the oldest fandom on there is btvs#Which I got into at the tender age of 11#Which makes it 22 years old and counting#I accrue fandoms like a ship does barnacles#They cling and get a little weathered but don't let go#Anyway as said that list is not exhaustive so feel free to try any fandom you want#I'm writing stuff!#Well I certainly hope so anyway
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just got home from seeing miles and oh my GODDDDD. so much to unpack. SO MUCH. i’ll do a proper post tomorrow when my brain is remotely coherent again, but for now the headlines: he is (as always) absolutely fucking incredible live; i had not one but TWO super awkward run ins with him before the gig even started; i will never recover from hearing shavambacu; there was a VERY interesting moment when he was introducing “see ya when i see ya”; and, in the least creepy way possible, i may or may not now know what it’s like to be spat on by miles kane mid performance 🫠
#such a wonderful musician and an absolute GEM of a human being 💖#thanking all the deities for letting my health be good enough for me to go tonight 🙏🙏🙏#it was so ridiculously good#he really is so special live ✨#though i got sad vibes from him tonight too 🥺#i hope he’s okay#he was wonderful and talented and engaging but idk. it was just an impression i got#he definitely comes across as someone who feels things very deeply#like that was very much something i got the impression of last time#and he just seemed#idk#like maybe he could have used a hug from someone who knows him really well 🥺#but anyway#enough rambling from me#it’s so late and i am almost certainly making no sense at all at this point because honestly#who would be in my position??? 😭#miles kane#lulu posts
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cindy + studcoms compilation
#cindy the skull#steban the student communist#disco elysium#their dynamic is so funny to me. like as much as she ribs at them you can tell she still has a soft spot for them#and that they like her as well. or well i would say steban certainly moreso#steban also does mention getting cindy in the room regardless of whether she was mentioned earlier which i thought was nice#side note have you seen the disco elysium tvtropes page#like i found that first screenshot while looking for all the times cindy said communist#bc on her section it says that she supports communism “in spite of herself” so i was looking to see if she ever really mentioned it#in that sort of light but from what i was able to find (and from what you can see in the screenshots) she doesnt#and then it says TWICE on dros' page (among many many other things)#that he supports pederasty bc the commune legalized it#when he was calling gay people pederasts as a slur. & he uses it as a slur multiple more times in that same#conversation outside of that line#and they misspell dobreva's name as deobreva every single time its written (including in the section title)#and they listed her cause of death as being by firing squad#even though her suicide with abadanaiz is like#one of the two or three things we actually know about her#anyway i did actually create a tvtropes account because of this i hope you know that#just realized i forgot to tag ulixes#oh well
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U like Sansa? Personally she’s so bland and self righteous that I find it impossible to like her :( her personality depended on the people she was spending time with
Sansa is like my problematic little sister who makes my life a frustrating hell, but I still spoil her everytime I come to visit.
She certainly has her issues and I have judged her for them in the past, especially regarding her entitlement, selfishness, and classiest views. All of which are issues riddled throughout her story.
But there is a part of me that remembers that behind it all, she is just an innocent, naive girl who is being forced to play house in the capitol and family that murdered her father in front of her, and is forcing her to play pretend that she can't wait for the rest of her traitor family to die so she can marry the King who did all of this in the first place.
Sansa in the books, and Sansa in the first four seasons are very much that girl who while has a LOT of growing up to do, she is still just that naive girl who desperately needs someone to care about her with no hangups attached like everyone around her, but she never gets it. She is nothing more then a pawn to these people who see her as a useful pretty airhead instead of someone that given the right mentor and environment, could be very clever and quick on her feet.
In the first four seasons she has some great moments. Like when Joffery forces her to look at her fathers head on a spike, and she risks her own life by stepping forward about to push Joffery off the ledge before she's stopped and knocked back into reality by the Hound telling her to keep herself alive and play along. Or the scene where Margaery proposes she can get Sansa to Highgarden by marrying her to Loras and you just see that innocent girl who wants someone to care about her finally have hope, only to be seen next on the docks in tears as all of it was taken away from her before she could even dream about that better life.
She isn't the most interesting character, and her last four seasons in the show I have made quite clear I absolutely hate her characterization, but the Sansa we see whose still just a girl trapped in Kings Landing being forced to say she wants her whole family dead and smile while doing so, I feel for her.
I remember that Sansa in those moments, behind all her issues and flaws, is just a naive girl who no one around actually cares about and it makes me care about her more, beacause no matter what her flaws are, someone should.
But I do not at all blame people who cannot get past those flaws.
#she has a LOT of making up to do when she reuinites with her family#especially Arya in particular but certainly Jon as well#but the Sansa in the first four seasons and the Sansa currently in the books can get there if she tries#she isnt without hope#its far away that hope but it is there and i want to appreciate that part of sansa rather then condemn her for what are mostly#views and attitudes that are based in a very childish and immature world view that will have to change one day anyways#.....do i need to add an anti jonsa tag so no one gets the wrong idea....#cus i feel like i might need to bat jonsa fans away from this post with a stick#sansa stark#anti jonsa#game of thrones#a song of ice and fire#asoiaf
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many moments of Daniel Ricciardo - part 1/?
#daniel ricciardo#autumn posts#sorry for the reposting!! tumblr kept displaying it wrong?#anyways!! I've been struggling with how to share all these! I think I'll make collages!#many small moments ❤️ certainly many not new but they light up my life fr fr 🙂↕️❤️☀️💖✨💕#it's been very bittersweet so much of me still hurts for him (especially today) but I know he'll shine no matter what he does next 🌅#just hope he and everyone here is well#also if you saw me retype these tags a zillion times ☝️🙂↕️ yes hehehe I am so tired after work!! back to office times and then home yay!!#brb!
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do i really want to make individual drinks again
#reaching back into the file cabinets of my mind to remember how i made certain drinks when i worked at the cafe#in preparation for the possibility of this new job#it would certainly mean far less goofing off time than i have at my current job. and i value my goofing off time dearly#but the people here are so fucking annoying lmao. i hate them soooo much#not that the people at this new job would be any better. we're still dealing with investment bankers#godddddd. what i really would want (which would be impossible)#would be to go back to working at the cafe but like. still have paid time off and insurance lmao#but the cafe was a small business and he was not offering paid time off and insurance. and the pay was way less#but i did get to play whatever music i wanted. unfortunately you cant live on that#like i can always say no to this new job if its offered to me. but is my goofing off time worth:#2 dollars less in pay and a half hour to an hour's more commute. well i dont know#a shorter commute would mean i could sleep more. and have more time at home .#i mean i probably don't Need all this goofing off time. but its nice#i dont knowwwwwww#like even though im a bit nervous abt doing it again i know that i would easily fall back into the routine of making drinks#which i was fairly good at. my one drawback is that i cant do latte art but i dont know that theyd really care here#and (because i found the menu of where id work) theres not a ton of drink options?? just the standard stuff#its being called a starbucks cafe but 1) its not managed by them and 2) it does not have their 5 billion drink options#so thats good. less to worry about#doesnt look like i even have to make anything foodwise which i had to at the cafe#here it looks like people can just buy a pastry and thats it#the hours are like. the same i work now. also good#sorry im like using this post to think through my thoughts.#uhhhh oh i looked up the manager who looks like a weenie so im not keen on the prospect of interviewing with him#but i probably would have thought that about my current manager if id seen a pic of him prior to interviewing. i guess???#and with these kind of catering units it seems you dont often deal directly with the manager that much anyway#i just gotta see if i get good vibes#rn i have unsure vibes. but i need a sign to see if this could be good for me#oh id also save money on transportation. and taxes! bc i wouldnt be working in ny anymore#lol oops tag limit. well i hope you enjoyed my job thoughts you probably didnt i know i didnt
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can i please request a fun fact about anything ever
#i would like that that would be nice#this is an open request not necessary a specific target (i mean there is one person who will definitely see this (hello#sorry about all of this i think i’m slightly silly hoursing and also just exploding like i dunno#i am alright i’m just also uaaaaaaaaaaaa#i hope you’re alright too i yeah i hope you are ok (this is me being paranoid#not because of you it’s a hormones thing i think cause this is just the feeling)#(man this was supposed to be a non specific post fuck ok oh well)#what was i saying anyway uhhhhh jonah is not the whale right??? i don’t think so im a fake jonah and the whale fan i’m sorry#i swear if it’s not even actually jonah like i’m not just getting confused with job and weezer my name is jonas am i#(like i say. i have no idea what i am thinking right now really i do slightly sorry that’s an exaggeration)#ok ending this ramble sorry everyone else that is not my girlfriend i don’t think she knows what i’m on about either here probably#i certainly don’t so if you can decipher this that’s very impressive#anyway anyway. fun facts !!!!#ezra’s real life rambles
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Look at his razzmatazz boy
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt mikey#rottmnt michelangelo#unpause rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt#leoserpost#leoserart#its been forever but immm drawing lol#lots of traditional doodles that certainly wont do well so i wont bother posting lil#idk i hope yall like it anyways :)
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no thoughts just au where nagito is a pianist
and idk maybe hajime is a singer aND AND MAYBE THEY GET INSPIRATION FROM EACH OTHER AND FALL IN LOVE YK???
#komahina#i’m starting to use tumblr as a place to post my intrusive thoughts#anyway 60k words enemies to lovers slow burn hurt/comfort#that was mainly a joke but if someone wants to do it then no one’s stopping you CERTAINLY NOT ME#atp if the idea clogs my head enough i’ll write it myself#sdr2#danganronpa 2#hinata x komaeda#komaeda x hinata#hinakoma#i also feel like hajime would have a soft and soothing voice#and nagito would be able to listen to his voice as if it were an instrument in of itself#i love them sm#maybe nagito finds hope through music and adores how music can reach multiple people and pull them from their darkest moments#so he loves music and hajime is like#well yes but i never really thought of it like that#so hajime sees nagito as more of an inspiration than a weird guy#then they get married smoochie mwah mwah xoxo
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🤞
#exams did go fairly well#hopefully nothing worse than a B but i think an A is certainly possible in at least one of them#so hopefully 🥹🥹#i did study quite a bit not as much as i hoped for but a step up from my lack of effort the last few weeks#so hopefully i can get back to better routines now#i mean i do know probably many didn't study at all for these exams as they were not that serious#buuut if you want a good grade i feel like you have to at least i studied for like 2-3 days altough i would have liked to study for a week#also my schedule is just insane i think but then maybe it's just me idk#my time management is not the best but i still wonder how others would do with so many classes and extra activities#i have like 20 classes this semester + 2 exams i intend to take extra#i'm not attending all of them that wouldn't be possible and i'm not sure i can take all the exams but i'm happy if I manage like 17 or so#but like a normal amount is 10 classes a semester in my country but in reality most students don't take this many either#well i'm basically enrolled in two programms atm so there's that ig#but often i'm just wondering when i'm gonna study#i also play tennis a lot and competiting for my club (at a rec level)#and i'm training for this entrance exam for sports (i'm currently studying teaching with other subjects + English)#altough this is making me question if i'm fit for this everyday 🫠 i'm fairly good at 2 things ball sports and just like general athleticism#we also need to dance do gymnastics and swim i struggle with all of them#i'm not fast enough at swimming and my technique is bad i can't even do a cartwheel and a bad dancer 😭#the requirements are really high though i mean when i think of people i know from tennis or football no one would even get there closely#like i was the fastest at my former football club (and at every uni football course) and i might just barely cut it for sprinting#and i'm really quite athletic when playing tennis my opponents always notice and coordinated in sports as well#but somehow coordination for gymnastics is not the same?😅 how can i be so graceful playing tennis and most sports with balls but so clumsy#otherwise like doing a handstand... no balance 🥲#but anyways i also do like general fitness stuff going to the gym running a bit and trying to eat healthy#but my studying hours are very limited often tmrw i have uni from half 2 until 8pm in the evening and i have a preparation course for sports#before uni starts at half 10#i just really get the urge to drop everything sometimes 🥲 i also wanna see friends again more not just at uni and in the bus#i miss my semesters with 10 courses a week it was beautiful so much freedom and free time 🥹#uni was so enjoyable back then... don't get me wrong i enjoy most of my uni courses what i not enjoy is not having any time to myself
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I'm so tired
#not to come on here just to complain and feel sorry for myself especially because i know things are so much worse for so many other ppl#but as hard as i'm trying it's hard to believe things will be okay i'm trying so hard not to fall into defeatist attitudes#but fuck man. fuck. it's not even that i'm surprised or anything it's just. man#i want to curl up in a ball and just be comforted and cry and be upset but i can't do that and i have no one to do that#my worker's comp payments aren't coming through like they're supposed to and i have like ten dollars and barely any food in the apartment#my injuries aren't getting better the pain is still there even though i'm doing everything i'm supposed to#my meds aren't working but meds have NEVER worked on me and i keep hoping and praying some day i'll find one that will but i fear they won'#i have more psych testing in january but a part of me worries about doing it because if (when) i test positive for certain things it will b#on my record and considering..... the state of things i worry about what that means for me and my autonomy esp regarding anything medical#i still can't convince any doctors to take my issues that are almost CERTAINLY endometriosis seriously and again.... given the state of thi#i find it very hard to believe that will change and will in fact only get worse and i will never be able to get any kind of sterilization o#hysterectomy and if something ever ended up happening and i DID get pregnant well. it would not be good for me#i feel very alone and like i need to and must handle everything on my own but i feel like i'm about to break doing that#and then this. this. this this this this. i know it's not fair to be upset about it. like i said things are so much worse for so many other#but fuck dude. fuck man. mentally i have not been doing good recently and nothing has happened in my life to really help that recently#i want to go back to being so repressed i genuinely felt/believed i was emotionless this was not a good year for the dam to break#i told my therapist the other day that i feel like a toddler. i was so repressed and emotionless for as long as i can remember#so i never learned to deal with big ugly and overwhelming emotions. so i react as a child still learning would because i never got the#chance to learn how to manage them and FUCK MAN i feel like i'm losing it#i know it's important to do what you can and not fall into overly negative mindsets but that's not something i was good at anyways#and now it's even harder but i'm trying. fuck dude i'm trying so hard i want to be hopeful i want to do what i can#i don't want to hate everything and jump immediately to wanting to kms or destroying my whole life because what's the point#i just. holy fuck. man i need a minute to breathe and i wish i had someone physically here to hold me and tell me it's okay#but i don't have that so i'll be a big girl and sort myself out like usual and just hope i don't break yet#i'm gonna go watch anime and try and read fic to distract myself but mannnnnnnn i feel like i'm losing it#kaz rambles
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Quick update on "Like a Parody of Tantalus" – it's currently over 6,000+ words and I'm still not done. OTL
I was hoping to cover a bit of stuff post-Fuga related to Chume Labs, but I may have to dial things back solely because I feel like my knowledge of that era of their content isn't extensive enough to do it justice. Apart from that, I'm happy with what I have so far and I'm excited for whenever it's finished so I can see people's reaction to it.
#i talk#fic talk#I've been very busy lately and having a Real Rough Time (and my ADHD certainly isn't helping)#but I am still chipping away at it#I'm really trying to get this chapter right because Fuga is a big thing for so many people#so I want to do it justice#I like how it's turning out but I was really hoping to include some Chume Labs stuff#ah well. I'll use what I have at least#I've had folks infodump a bit about it to me but it's just not the same as intimately knowing the content#so I feel like I wouldnt do that justice#But like I said we'll see!#I am also undecided on whether Cell / Cellbit is a cat hybrid or not in this fic#might just put it to a vote lol#anyways goodnight all
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Woke up today grateful to know that my favorite character is still seen by many as the most annoying blorbo in the universe to have
#I mean this with my whole heart#Bakugo katsuki#will he be remembered with the same category 5 PTSD cringe as the Onceler#certainly not the same kind of incomprehensible thirst but#just the same intensity of miscellaneous cringe and obsession#part of me hopes so#part of me dreads success#anyway when someone tells me my tastes didn’t age well#I can’t wait to tell them#WELL YOU DIDN’T AGE WELL EITHER#hahahahaha#firing gunshots in the neighborhood to keep the property values down etc etc#literally
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.
#ignore me#i'm just stressed out#the thing is. i made a decision a long time ago not to reblog posts with guilt-trips no matter how well intentioned#both for my own sake and bc i didn't want to be the one putting it on somebody's dash#especially after reading about how especially difficult guilt-trippy posts can be for e.g. ppl with ocd or smth similar#and that's all well and good in most cases when it's not directly tied to ppl's lives#but when it comes to this it does definitely feel like i don't have a leg to stand on since it so very much is people's lives at stake#and i don't feel like i have the moral highground to decide something like that#especially when - while they might affect people in a similar way to guilt-trips - they're not intentionally that#another one of my problems with sharing them on tumblr is that i don't have enough active followers for anything to reach a big audience#and i barely get notes anyway and these certainly don't get enough to get around#probably bc ppl are 1) overwhelmed and have already given money if they can#and 2) wary since they don't know which ones to trust#especially when the scam ones look so much like the real ones and idek how ppl know someone is qualified to verify a fundraiser#all 3 asks i've gotten have been vetted by the same account and it feels off#but the thought of not sharing when they've reached my inbox feels cruel#and it all just feels so lackluster when there are tens upon thousands of fundraisers needing to raise hundreds upon thousands of euros#and it just seems to lead to most of them getting a third of the way there#it's so much more organized with smth like project olive branch particularly on tt where a bigger creator focuses on one family at a time#bc it increases the chance of individual fundraisers meeting their goals#while this just feels like spreading sadness guilt and a lackluster feeling of hopelessness with barely any result#esp when most of the notes are 'reblogging bc i cant donate'#(also genuine question: where does the many go if a fundraiser doesn’t meet its goal? to gofundme the site??)#bc like. even if i put all of the money i own towards one fundraiser i wouldn't meet the goal#rn i donate monthly to doctors without borders in the hopes that the money actually goes to use#and i've donated to a few fundraisers but there are so. so. many. and i don't understand how you're supposed to CHOOSE#it's absolutely fucked up to have to sit there and think about which family you're going to give your money to#it's not like one family 'deserves' it more than another#they all fucking deserve the money! they all deserve to get out of there they all deserve to live their fucking lives FREE#idek what i'm doing here anymore i hope no one actually read this i just needed to get it out and my diary wasn't cutting it
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ok i am actually so very angry and there's literally nothing i can do to fix it. life keeps going on. she might even be happy. and fuck dude, i'll make sure im happy too, i was a fully developed person before she was in my life and i'll continue to be one without her. but God Damn, the fact that she can just do something so blatantly awful and unfair to me and then run off without any actual repercussions is just so fucking rankling to me.
like perhaps she feels guilty. she said she did when it was all going down. but it was just something she "needed to do". so obviously she didn't feel guilty enough or she wouldnt have done it like that lmaoooo
i really did deserve to have a good solid yell at her. but unfortunately, by the time i did see her in person i just wanted her out of my fucking life. so. no yelling was done, unfortunately.
#speculation nation#the duality of being a deeply resentful and angry person. and being a person that Tries to be mature and peaceful.#like im not gonna actually Do shit even tho i keep wanting to message her just to yell at her some more again#it's like there's a beast in me that keeps yelling for retribution. she wronged me in such a disrespectful and humiliating way#and yet she just gets to walk away like it was nothing? live her life like it was nothing?#be in 'love' with her new 'soulmate' after cutting me off like a rotten limb?#i feel so DEEPLY angry. i want to spit vitriol and fire. i want to dig my claws into her bones. make her really FEEL how i feel.#i want to wander into her dreams and make her experience what i felt. every miserable second of silence.#the humiliation of admitting you might be falling in love only to be told you were never loved at all.#and i want to knee her in the gut and spit in her face and really make her regret ever fucking wronging me#but unfortunately im a stupid fucking pacifist so all the aggression and anger and violence has no FUCKING outlet#ive been. trying to not think about it too much. ive been trying to just live my life. because i dont want her to run my life.#but the anger keeps catching up to me. filtering in when i dont expect it. endless constant fucking thoughts coming back to me#on and on and on and on i live and i eat and i read and i game and i hate and i hate and i hate and i hate and i hate and i HATE AND I HATE#the greatest injustice is that i cannot make her truly feel every single ounce of my resentment and anger#it's so overwhelming i think i could choke on it. and she gets to live her FUCKING happy little life with her stupid fucking 'soulmate'#i hope it collapses around her and she loses her too so she's single and alone and miserable and regretting all of her fucking impulsivenes#she deserves to have it fail after what she did to me. and all i can really do is hope that karma has its fucking kiss for her.#if only curses were real. what i wouldnt give to put some energy into that karmic payback lmfao.#ok . ok ok ok ok love and peace on planet earth. i am shifting out of vitriolic little shit mode.#just had to let some of the steam out. im still angry but i am going to go back to not thinking about it.#i think i should go on a nice long bike ride tomorrow. to decompress and work some of the steam out.#it's something that she can never take from me. something that is so wholly mine. fuck that stupid bitch and fuck her new girlfriend too#...............................ok NOW im shifting out of vitriolic mode. lol#negative/#WAHOOOOOO i am certainly not taking this breakup well. but i dont think anyone would be lmfao.#all things considered i think im doing a pretty great job at handling this breakup.#bc at least im only recounting unrealistic threats and fantasies on my tumblr dot com instead of messaging Any of this to her.#i may kinda want her to read it so that she knows anyways. but i wont message her directly. bc i am Trying to be at least a little mature.#complaining on my tumblr dot com so i dont message my ex with more vitriol. gotta cope Somehow.
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so guys um. really fun update as a result of me once again being really good at understanding and responding to social situations. im pretty sure the friend im seeing is convinced we r like in a relationship or About to be and im just now realizing the extent of that and how quickly im slamming the brakes/going to attempt for smth more casual. um.. girl help
#soooo once again i hate gay people#abby talks#KIDDING. obvi. but um. some reflection has certainly been interesting.#like things got so intense so fast. why were they like telling people including a PROFESSOR about us going out on a single date#and when it initially happened i was just like well... idk shrug. and. yeah just all very fast#i think they had or have developed a serious crush which is like sweet and theyre still very sweet. its just very intense#like the amount they texted when i just didnt answer overnight....#OH MY GOD and i forgot when i split from my friends last night im like 80% sure they were on campus#and tried to like hide their face. like... why. it doesnt have to be this odd huh???#just cause i wasnt rlly answering while i was out?#idk. idk!#anyway im going to be very kind and respectful when we have this conversation but. yeah. nervy#wish i could do it over text but i dont think that's right idk... also we have so many mutual friends and just circles#i really dont need it to get weird. and it really really doesnt have to be yk. im hoping theyre chill and obv i dont want to hurt them#ok yeah doesnt help to stress so much over it. it's just creeping up on me the signs i sorta missed#thinking they also were open to smth casual. well i suppose really long dates and my general nerves abt trying to date again didnt help#oh my god when they said they missed my face after not hanging out for like. a day. and i was just like haha cool#not literally but LOL
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