#Well I also have social anxiety and I think I have anti social disorder. Even in social media and social I don’t talk to anyone.

[nekoerotica]

I am half domestic cat and half human. Therianthropy is the closest thing that can define me. I like to say i’m an animal-like human.

I don’t have shifts, phantom limbs, dysphoria. I’m not interested in quads (I have long legs and I get tired easily). I already feel at home curled up in my nice warm bed. I make animal sounds subconsciously. I still like my human body and my human life but sometimes when I get depressed I want to become a cat. Regularly I already feel like a cat, I don’t wish to look like one.

Therians on reddit, tumblr, twitter seem much more animal than me and I feel like I can’t fit in. Other therians feel too animal for me and humans feel too human for me. I feel lonely.

Does anyone feel the same?

[transingthoseformers]

Okay, cause see, now I have QUESTIONS.

Does Cybertron have schools, or high schools? Do they have societal norms? Do they have popular kids, bigoted people? Does homophobia even exist there? Do they think there's Cybertron versions of traditional people that would probably call Mirage or Bumblebee their own version of slurs for having human partners??

And while we're on this topic, does anyone ever question if Cybertron has their own versions of mental health disorders we have on Earth? How do they treat them?? Do they even treat them????? Or is it just non-existent because they're robots? But they have the compacity to feel love and shit like that, but there's no such thing as Depression, Anxiety or BPD over there?

Like what are the societal norms over there? What are the class types over there? Because we all know Mirage was definitely some rich kid but what about Bumblebee?? And Optimus? And my girl Arcee?? Like what were their lives before all of this??

LIKE THESE ARE THE QUESTIONS THAT NEED TO BE ANSWERED.

You also have to account for the war and how badly that's fucked everything up

Because

From everything I've seen in various continuities:

There are academies and stuff

Bigoted people do seem to exist on Cybertron, though often in unfamiliar ways

Homophobia does not seem to exist in say IDW, (iicr), can't say much for other continuities but I personally like to think homophobia would be rare to nonexistent on Cybertron

(though, in IDW it seems to be rare to marry and considering idw Sentinel there might be a Thing against other bots having life partners in general. Or sentinel might just be the dick in the room and it's rare rare to hate on others having romantic relationships on Cybertron)

I don't think they'd have existing slurs for organic x mech relationships as it's just That Plain Old Unfamiliar, but I can see mecha getting nasty about it. Especially given how common anti organic sentiments are in various continuities

Cybertronians 200% have mental health conditions, we see it in a decent amount of continuities (whether it's meant to be a ✨character quirk✨ or they actually want to talk about mental health or if it's The Latest Haha Joke; Please Laugh™️ /s)

How they treat them seems to vary across continuity because I think they just... Don't in some continuities, and that never goes down well. At least in IDW we can tell there's a focus in psychology and these guys have at least one competent therapist. But in IDW there are Many Horrors and it's very willing to show us them.

We know in Aligned there was a caste system before the war, which went not well. We see in IDW there's Functionism which dictates social class by altmode. In tfa there's Whatever The Fuck Is Going On with civilian frames v Warframes. The role of Prime is usually a big deal (though it's superseded by Magnus in tfa) (the matrix of leadership is often involved, but not always). Though everything usually goes to shit once the war starts

We don't know enough about Knightverse to fully place Optimus's origins (iicr), but he just seems a lot younger and less big of a deal than some other iterations of him so I have a few ideas what he Wasn't

I can definitely consult tfwiki for more specifics on Knightverse lore

[velvetvexations]

This is an edited version of something I posted to r/DaystromInstitute, a Star Trek sub. I'm proud of it and, having deleted my account, want to preserve it here.

Dukat is a fantastic example of Narcissitic Personality Disorder

I'm an individual with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's very, extremely frustrating to see people claim everyone from Dolores Umbridge to Donald Trump also have NPD because they're like, just the worst. NPD doesn't mean "selfish", or "controlling", or even "self-absorbed", and certainly is not a synonym for abusive, despite all the self-help books that say sniping a narcissist who came within eight hundred yards of you is legally permissible under Stand Your Ground laws.

You might expect me to not be so appreciative of Dukat, who is, after all, a pretty horrible person. I actually have a worse opinion of Dukat's supposed nobility than many, as fairly often the fandom prefers to back the idea that he really was a misguided anti-villain who only succumbed to devil-worshipping when the writers assassinated his character.

Well, unfortunately, it's harder to recognize authentic NPD traits in heroes, and "recognize" is a term I use loosely, since most writers certainly didn't have NPD in mind at all. Nonetheless, I love Dukat because he exemplifies a nuanced, if not overly flattering, portrayal of a personality disorder that actual human beings deal with, and 99% of the time is just flattened into a thing you call people you don't like.

As a child, one thing that did a lot to mitigate the more negative social aspects of NPD was having it imprinted on my brain by anime and video games that being a Hero and as good as possible was the best thing to be. While praise and attention in general does scratch a powerful itch too, once my child-self internalized the values of the media I consumed - helped along by also being autistic - the standard for which I judged myself was set. I would literally cry if I accidentally picked up dark side points in a Star Wars game.

I think Dukat went through a similar process. Not all narcissists cling to a model centering morality, but Dukat, for one reason or another, did. He sincerely believes everything he does is altruistic and fair, and more than that, he wants to be altruistic and fair, having misidentified the origin of his cravings.

Another thing that helped me a lot growing up was a book called The Screwtape Letters. If you're unfamiliar, it's by CS Lewis and is presented as a series of letters from a high-ranked demon to his nephew, who works as essentially a shoulder devil attempting to guide his patient into sin and disconnection from God. I feel like Lewis would probably be annoyed with me not getting anything properly Christian out of it, but it is an amazing manual for teaching you how to examine your own thinking and subconscious impulses. It started me down a path of being very self-aware, which made it easier to navigate NPD, because I'm incapable of tolerating the flaws in my internal logic that I'm able to catch. If I may be excused for saying so, I think I do a decent job on that count, with the downside that I'm often far too hyper-critical and it results in regular anxiety.

But Dukat never learned that skill. As a result, his attempted nobility clashes with his other competing impulses, and all his actions are reinforced, rather than rejected, by his conscious, which his NPD assures him is being followed to the letter. As Lewis said:

The baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity at some point may be sated; and since he dimly knows he is doing wrong he may possibly repent. But the Inquisitor who mistakes his own cruelty and lust of power and fear for the voice of Heaven will torment us infinitely more because he torments us with the approval of his own conscience and his better impulses appear to him as temptations.

Dukat's inner struggle is fueled by the need to be a revered benefactor while also having served at the head of the bastard offspring of the Iraq War and Holocaust. His solution at the time was to make it more like the Second Boer War, the conflict that originally popularized the term "concentration camp" despite the fact that those concentration camps weren't even meant to eliminate the thousands that were killed in them.

DUKAT: So in my first official act as Prefect, I ordered all labour camp commanders to reduce their output quotas by fifty percent. Then I reorganized the camps themselves. Child labour was abolished. Medical care was improved. Food rations were increased. At the end of one month of my administration, the death rate had dropped by twenty percent. Now how did the Bajorans react to all this? On my one month anniversary they blew up an orbital dry-dock, killing over two hundred Cardassian soldiers and workers. "KIRA": We didn't want a reconciliation. We wanted to destroy you. DUKAT: So I had to order a response. But even then it was a carefully tempered one. I ordered two hundred suspected members of the Resistance rounded up and executed. Two hundred lives for two hundred lives. That's justice, not malevolence. Justice.

Throughout the episode the Kira hallucination embodies the disrespected and ingratitude he feels he gets for being "nice". Cardassian values, attitudes, and objectives came first. Dukat, however, was smart enough to understand some of what was being done to Bajor was wrong, but not quite able to tear himself away from his own identity as a Cardassian and the protagonist of the universe. That was just too much to totally upend, as would be required to fully comprehend the reality of the situation.

So he tries, in his own way. Because he wants to be a good guy, the hero, the main character, and he truly believes that he is. Unfortunately, it remains pointed solidly in the direction of his own ego. He's unable to recognize that to err is Cardassian, but repentance divine, because he's already invested in so much. His identity as a Cardassian, his own past actions, his impulsive grabs for power, and being convinced he's such a good man shields him from thinking critically because it would necessarily mean criticizing himself. Dukat can only truly appreciate that he's made mistakes when it makes him feel like he's being the bigger man willing to compromise and graciously admit fault, but he was in charge of the Occupation for twenty years. It's hard to walk back from that.

And I should know, because even understanding I'm the one at fault, it's pulling teeth to force myself through accepting I did wrong, much less admitting it to someone else. I don't want to be someone who fucked up, no matter how minor. Pulling teeth. Quite a lot of NPD can be described that way, in fact. While half-brained wannabee psychologists present narcissists as being sociopathic manipulators who skillfully terrorize those around them, most of NPD is horrible, chest-thumping anxiety. It's not fun at all to want to break my controller in half every single time I get got in a game of Splatoon, even when the round is far from over.

Most Cardassians involved with the Occupation seemed to be either outright monsters or falling under the "banality of evil", like Damar. They considered the Bajorans as, at best, a bunch of backwards hicks who needed to shut up and listen to their betters. Dukat, though, fetishized Bajor and the Bajorans themselves, as quite creepily seen in his string of Bajoran lovers and his dogged pursuit of Kira throughout the show (which horrifically took Nana Visitor putting her foot down to keep from being canon!). He pursed his tenure as head of the Occupation with the zeal of someone who truly wanted his subjects to see he was doing all this for their own good.

The Dominion and most other Cardassians don't give a fuck if your subjects like you except insofar as it's convenient and makes them less likely to rebel. That's the Dominion's whole thing, they just want control, and if the carrot doesn't work they'll shrug and without a hint of emotion give you the stick. It doesn't matter to them how they're in charge as long as they are. When Dukat makes his point about having only executed two-hundred (suspected!) members of the Resistance, the Weyoun hallucination comments:

"WEYOUN": The Dominion would never have been so generous.

It's telling that Dukat is fixated on the contrast between him and the people he allied with enough for it to show up in his breakdown. Just a little before that, Dukat says:

DUKAT: Major Kira knows full well I made every effort to heal the wounds between Cardassia and Bajor. Since the very beginning it was my intention to rectify the mistakes of the past and begin a new chapter in our relations.

Dukat is capable of saying, vaguely, abstractly, "mistakes were made", but it infuriates and honestly baffles him that it's not enough for him to be recognized as the most brilliant and loving extraterrestrial patriarch the Bajorans could ever wish for. In an earlier episode, he has this conversation with (the real) Weyoun:

WEYOUN: If you ask me, the key to holding the Federation is Earth. If there's going to be an organized resistance against us, its birthplace will be there. DUKAT: You could be right. WEYOUN: Then our first step is be to eradicate its population. It's the only way. DUKAT: You can't do that. WEYOUN: Why not? DUKAT: Because! A true victory is to make your enemy see they were wrong to oppose you in the first place. To force them to acknowledge your greatness. WEYOUN: Then you kill them? DUKAT: Only if it's necessary. WEYOUN: I had no idea. DUKAT: Perhaps the biggest disappointment in my life is that the Bajoran people still refuse to appreciate how lucky they were to have me as their liberator. I protected them in so many ways, cared for them as if they were my own children. But to this day, is there a single statue of me on Bajor? WEYOUN: I would guess not. DUKAT: And you'd be right. Take Captain Sisko, an otherwise intelligent, perceptive man. Even he refuses to grant me the respect I deserve.

Weyoun ends the scene laughing at Dukat. Because he was just advocating they exterminate all life on Earth, and yet he's amazed, truly stunned by how crackers Dukat is. The sheer depths of Dukat's psychological need for validation is as clinically fascinating to Weyoun as it is to the audience.

As it is to me, anyway. Like Narcissus and his pool, I peer into Dukat and see myself. Unsurprisingly, he's one of my favorite characters.

[t4lon]

I'm very conflicted.

We were recently diagnosed with DID, but this was not a new discovery for us. We have been operating under the partial assumption that we have the disorder for exactly a decade this year.

I say partial because it genuinely never stuck. The nature of our trauma and resulting anxiety prevented us from seeking any sort of mental health treatment, in any capacity, which as you can imagine, precludes any hope of diagnosis. So, from the age of 14 onward, we existed in this strange in-between state, where we gained and lost insight at different times. We lack self confidence, and though we supported the right of others to self diagnose, we (particularly Moira and myself) believed it would be silly to think any of our research could possibly be adequate. DID is a heavy diagnosis, and it's very hard to feel justified in claiming the label.

We tried many different methods to be okay with existing as more than one; and this is why the existence of endogenic systems was NECESSARY for our mental health. As someone who absolutely could not get diagnosed due to abject fear, and whose low self esteem and lack of expertise prevented them from trusting their own judgment, the idea that there are people who just allow themselves to exist without needing professional validation seemed like the only way forward for us.

Ultimately, I still think it is. I would not be this far along in my personal journey without the existence of the wider plural community, and though the rest of our system does not share my personal anti-psychiatry sentiments, it has been extremely important for them as well.

But it hasn't worked yet, and this feels a little bit like a failure on our part.

We finally hit a breaking point fairly recently, and found a therapist who then quite promptly diagnosed us. Since then, it's been night and day. Alters are more active, we switch more frequently, we are capable of leaving the house on short notice (and at all!). Our social anxiety has largely vanished, at least for the time being. It's like waking up after ten straight years of a depressive haze dominated by our repressive persecutor-host, and she is finally getting the rest she needed.

But really, after all that? The journey to self discovery, the repeated attempts to convince ourselves that we CAN just choose to be this way, that we can just act the way we naturally wish that we could... the only thing that could break through the wall was still to validate it through the framework we were trying to escape.

We tried so, so hard to truly believe that it would be okay for us to just be, but it just... didn't work. We still needed a therapist to tell us it was okay, that we really are the way we think we are, and that it is healthy to embrace. And it didn't matter how many peers also told us this; we needed a professional. We just did not believe anyone else, even though we desperately wanted to AND deeply respected their journeys and experiences.

This isn't really meant to be a Sad Post or anything, I mostly just think we have a lot more work to do. We were deeply damaged by things like fakedisordercringe AND many anti-endogenic sentiments in online system communities, and it is not nearly as easy to shake the self hatred and doubt as I'd hoped.

I do, to some extent, resent the fact that we ultimately felt that we needed someone to give us permission to exist. But. Well. We do certainly feel like we are allowed to exist, now. Perhaps even a bit vindicated.

Strange.

[emeritus-fuckers]

okay well

hi, i'm Eddie, nice to formally meet you bcs i lurk on this blog So much (im a serial nihil simp so you guys feed me good, thank you for that lol)

my preferences are human specific, if that's okay, i'm not as familiar with all the ghouls unfortunately ^^

i don't even know what to put here bcs i don't want this to be too long but it's already 3 paragraph breaks because i just Cannot shut up

i'm a gay, bigender person, though i identify most as a man and with male terms, i am a LaVeyan Satanist, i have been for a couple years now, really big into the anti-religion of it all, i love to be the boogeyman christianity wants me to be

i'm a major stoner, as hard as i try i am becoming the stereotypical stoner guy, i'm very annoyed by myself everytime i start talking strains lol. i started smoking weed bcs i have Major Anxiety also, at first it was just social anxiety and then i got diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, so!

i guess this is relevant for this, i feel kind of stupid typing it out, but in a relationship i need someone who can both keep up with me and keep me grounded, yk? i can be high energy (not a pun) and Honestly i think im a little exhausting sometimes, but also i greatly enjoy sitting in total silence and just basking in each other's presence, there's a duality there

i'm also aceflux, but with a cripplingly high libido, so if that affects your decision at all, there it is

love what you guys are doing here btw

This post is a part of Match-up Event. The Event ended on July 15th.

Your match is...Young Nihil

If you start talking strains he'll giggle knowing it annoys you.

Then he'll get up and go to his stash finding something perfect for you. You have no idea where he got it from but as soon as you try it, you feel calmer.

He's rather pleased with himself after that, playfully asking you what his reward will be.

You won't wear him out, this man has enough energy to match yours. He loves it!

He will also sit in silence with you, he's happy just to gaze at you. He'll sometimes just snuggle up next to you and be quite content like that.

Nihil doesn't understand Aceflux at first. He just kind of looks at you confused.

"Ace what now?" He says and then he notices your face fall. "No babe please explain it to me. Please" He sits and listens and nods when he gets it.

He is surprisingly understanding after that. He makes sure he understands your boundaries and also your needs.

He can be grounded when the situation calls for it. The hippy movement rubbed off on him.

If he sees you need it, he'll drag you to the floor next to him, where he is sat crossed legged, and get you to just focus on your breath, to calm again.

Nihil adores that you revels in being the boogyman christianity wants you to be. That is totally his thing and he just encourages you down that road to be his partner in crime.

~

Written by Nyx

[olderthannetfic]

Sorry in advance for treating this like ‘Dear Abby’ but I am in need of some advice from a Queer Adult TM…

So, I have this friend who I’ve known for about ten years now. We’re seventeen right now, so let’s just say we went through allllll the phases together. We realized we were queer together, we had our first fandom experiences together (they were actually the person who introduced me to fanfic, which I’m really grateful for, because ever since it has been an integral part of my life), we were DeviantArt furry artists together circa 2016, it was a lot of embarrassing but also fun times. We are also both… and quite mentally ill and it was nice to have someone to help me through the worst bits (when I didn’t have access to therapy or meds) and how I could help them in return.

Lately (maybe over the past 2 years?) we’ve been drifting apart. I think it has a lot to do with the fact we don’t have many common interests anymore (they stopped caring about mine, and stopped sharing theirs with me), but we still do a lot together. They’re my coworker, a member of my ttrpg group, etc. etc.. Due to social anxiety they were my only friend for many years but now I have a few more, so I don’t mind not being as close to them (and I dislike putting the burden of me being reliant/clingy on them). However, they’ve recently been making it harder and harder for me to keep that friendship.

They smoke weed, get shitty stick and pokes, binge energy drinks and shoplift. I don’t have any moral issue with any of those things, but it’s concerning to me because I know they are not in the the right headspace to make those decisions about substances (and the rest). We have both struggled with mental illness, self-harm, and eating disorders. Part of the reason I drifted away from them is because they have no filter and “vent” about their problems to the point where it is very triggering to me (especially in terms of sh and ed). I don’t mind lending an ear but I also have boundaries that I put in place for myself… But yeah, even though they have access to treatment it seems not to be working, or there’s something hindering it. It really hurts to see them in such a bad place because we started out in similar places in regards to our mental health and now that I’m in a better place, they’re not.

I genuinely love and care about this person, but it’s so hard to help them when they shut down every form of help I + the rest of our mutual friends can offer. They’re very manipulative, I would like to think without meaning to, to the point where they twist my words around (for example, recently they did something extremely inappropriate and when I told them I was concerned for their well-being, they said they were sorry for making me “uncomfortable”). They’re also one of those people that plays oppression Olympics, and insists their parents are homophobic and tried to send them to conversion therapy— I know their parents very well, they are literal leftists who have pride flags in their front yard, campaign for politicians that support queer and trans rights, and attend one of the only completely gay-friendly and supporting churches in the area. But the way they talk about them causes other people to dislike them and think they’re homophobic, which they have noticed. I think it’s cruel to them, and also symptomatic of a larger problem that my friend has— they don’t seem to understand that their actions and words have consequences for other people.

I guess what I wanted to ask was: is it worth cutting this person off? I have a feeling that we were naturally grow even farther apart as we go to university, because our values are very different… They’re an anti, I’m not, they have a very surface-level views of politics and believe everything they read in Instagram infographics, I don’t. I don’t consider myself very mature, but they look very immature next to me. Besides, being around them often ends up negatively impacting me as well. However, I worry that cutting them off will makes things worse for them. I don’t want to see them get even more hurt. My confrontations haven’t been doing anything, but maybe they’ll come to their senses eventually.

I really don’t know what to do in this situation, but I’d appreciate any advice from anyone willing to offer it.

--

Since you're about to go off to college, I'd let the friendship naturally fade.

It's not your job to save this person, and I do think you need to get away from them since they don't seem to be making an effort. But since you're naturally drifting away anyway, I don't think having a big, dramatic friend breakup will help anything.

On another note, everyone should have a moral objection to shoplifting. Not only is it dishonest and a sign that something is fucking wrong with you to shoplift, but shoplifters directly hurt retail peons who will get their pay cut as a result of store losses.

People who do this aren't sticking it to the man. They're parasites who hurt other nobodies.

The fact that a lot of teens (American teens?) think this disgraceful behavior is normal enrages me.

[ina-nis]

Don’t want to detract or take away from the original post, so I’m making a new one. This is so incredible important and another reason why I feel like AvPD belongs to/is in the schizo-spectrum of disorders.

To give some background: most my experiences with psychotropics were terrible. I got severe side effects, some of which I still haven’t recovered from (and likely will not) and more serious things, such as seizures.

Doctors don’t tell you those things because... well, “these are rare side effects” and “they will pass as you get used to the medication” and “it’s just a matter of adjusting the dosage” and “maybe you need a mix of different medications” and so on.

What was really striking for me was the fact that my symptoms - aka the whole damn reason I was taking those things - didn’t even improve? But I got flooded with negative symptoms. I felt like a zombie on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds always made me sleepy and aloof. I was apathetic and didn’t feel like myself at all, didn’t even feel like a person at that.

Now I can see why. Probably AvPD. I experience a lot of negative symptoms while dealing with this disorder - it’s the whole reason why I try so hard to just... do things. If it were up to my brain, I would just stay still forever. Because I keep on trying, I can “manage” these symptoms, but the flipside is the positive ones (that definitely could benefit from medication).

In the end, I get the “best” of both worlds and try to get by however I can knowing that, for me personally, medication that is supposed to help might not help at all and could cause more symptoms and/or worsen the negative symptoms I already deal with.

If I stop to think about it, that explains why I feel so exhausted and feel like socializing is just a waste of time, there’s no pleasure in it, but there’s a lot of prospective pain, for sure.

That’s also the reason why I mostly can relate more to my Cluster A siblings, since we share a lot of these negative symptoms.

I have not seen literature on AvPD and its isolation as a negative symptom of the schizo-spectrum kind, but mostly as a result of Social Anxiety or Generalized Anxiety. They both can be true and affect different people.

I guess this is a good thing to think about.

[veganfairie]

My friend who has been "vegan" (eating mostly plant based) for about 8 months just informed me that they are going back to eating animals bc it was too hard on their eating disorder to be vegan. I tried to talk to them about what specifically was hard and offered to help them find solutions and they told me that they were more just informing me of their decision. I said that this wouldn't impact our friendship long-term, but that I think their choice here is immoral and I'm going to be upset about it. The more I think about it, the more angry I get. I don't know how to move forward being friends with someone who is actively aware of the harm done to animals and won't do anything to help them, even if it's just being vegetarian. I can't talk abt this to my irl friends bc none of them are vegan. Any advice?

hi love thank you for asking !! 🥰 this is going to be a LONG one 💗

if your friend used to be passionate about animal rights and knew all about the abuse involved in animal agriculture but suddenly changed her mind about it and now doesn't see the issues as important, it is valid to feel uncomfortable. it can definitely be rough to see and if it something you can't handle, you are not obligated to stay in each others lives. veganism is a social justice movement just like feminism and if my feminist friend turned into an anti feminist i don't think i could keep being their friend

if she still wants to see a vegan future, you can simply remind her about the original definition! currently being unable to eat plant based doesn't mean one can't be an ethical vegan as long as they avoid all the forms of animal exploitation they can possibly avoid. :) tell her that she doesn't have to abandon everything once important to her just because she has to give a part of them up.

eating disorders are deadly. it is important to remember that despite the fact that it can look like just being a fussy eater to others, every meal, every thought about food can trigger extreme anxiety. putting too much focus on food, calories, nutrients can trigger a relapse or a downward spiral. many of us have only a few safe foods. for many they are things like eggs or cottage cheese and taking away even one safe food can have very negative consequenses. it would be best for her to focus heading towards recovery, keeping as safe as possible. once she is recovered enough you can start making yummy vegan meals together again and start focusing on the diet aspect again.

you can also tell your friend that she can always message me about this subject since i know about being an eating disordered vegan and would love for both of you to find the tools to make your friendship one that makes both of you happy. if she feels comfortable i can definitely chat with her about being an eating disordered vegan 💗

friends are important but so are our ethical values so there isn't really one answer here. just have a long thought session about it and communicate clearly about how you both really feel inside. i'm sure you will end up doing well 🌸💗🎀🌸☁️💗🎀🌸☁️

[random-mentalhealth-blog]

Hello!

Welcome to my blog!

My name is William. I’m not new to tumblr, but this is a new blog.

This blog is separate from my regular blog, but it’s strictly for my mental health recovery/trauma recovery progress and mental health discussions. I’ll be transparent, and I won’t tag my other blog here or talk about this on there. This is my safe space and where I’ll be honest.

About Me

I’m 15, my pronouns are he/him, I’m POC, and I like FNAF and lore based fandoms. I collect vintage and 2000s things, draw, and write.

About My Mental Health (Trigger Warning, Mentions of CA, C//SA)

I’ve had S/A trauma before I was diagnosed, but I’ve been really mentally struggling since I was 9. My mother was physically and verbally ab*sive towards me. I started seeking solace in talking to other people online, and I ended up being gr**med by multiple people and being in an ab*sive relationship. I’ve also had body image issues since 12.

I ended up having a psychotic break when I was in middle school. I became a source of degeneracy, and started believing that I was god and everyone who hated me was jealous. There was this thing going around called an “IRL”, which basically meant you thought were a fictional character. Unfortunately for me, this gave me an excuse to have my beliefs in thinking I was William Afton from Five Nights At Freddy’s, which I am not. I just heavily relate to him. I got a reality check when my best friend left me because I made her too uncomfortable with how unstable I was. I don’t even remember some of the key things I did because I thought it was so normal. I’ve been working to change ever since, and I’ve crawled my way back up to where I am now. I’m very proud of myself for that.

I am diagnosed professionally with BPD, Autism Spectrum Disorder , ADHD, Depression, and Social Anxiety.

I decided to make this blog as an open journal, a way to discuss issues, a way to share coping mechanisms, and a way to share progress and discuss mental health with other people. I’ve noticed myself becoming paranoid and declining recently, and I wanted to do something about it

BYF

- On this page, there will be discussions of trauma and triggers, as well as personal experiences. Do not follow if you can’t handle that.

- I am Anti-Para, having been gr**med and having that mindset when I was psychologically at my worst

- I’m very blunt sometimes.

- Yes, I am in therapy and psychiatry. This is just a side blog. You don’t have to tell me “go get help”

DNI (DO NOT INTERACT)

- Proship

- Pro-Para

- Bigoted Ideology

- Anti-Recovery

- Anti LGBTQ+

Love you, bye! Have a safe day! <3

[pashterlengkap]

Mom blames transphobic law after library blocks her disabled son’s restroom use

A cisgender mother helping her cis disabled son use the restroom was prevented from entering a Kansas library’s women’s restroom with him, even though they’ve done that for years. The mother thinks that the state’s recently passed anti-transgender bathroom bill is to blame, but the library has called the incident “a mishandled customer service moment.” On May 20, Karen Wild entered a women’s bathroom in the Wichita Public Library’s central branch with her son, Ellis Dunville. She was assisting her son, who is on the autism spectrum, has a seizure disorder, and is nonverbal, The Topeka Capital-Journal reported. --- Related Stories Transgender man was beaten by 3 men for using women’s restroom. Then he got arrested. Noah Ruiz was told to use the women’s restroom because he’s transgender. But when he did, women in the restroom became upset. --- A male security guard told her that her son couldn’t enter the restroom. Wild said they had used the women’s restroom together for years without any issues. However, she also noted that another person in the women’s restroom objected to her son’s presence. Get the Daily Brief The news you care about, reported on by the people who care about you. Shortly after, a female library employee entered, said the library had policies regulating restroom use, and asked Wild if she and her son could use the building’s gender-neutral family restroom, which Wild never knew existed. Wild told the aforementioned publication that she suspected the incident might have occurred because the legislature recently passed S.B. 180, a law that bans trans people from using bathrooms and other facilities matching their gender identity. “There isn’t anything I can think of that has changed except that they heard about that law and decided they needed to be emboldened by it somehow,” she said. “I can’t explain it any other way.” She also worries that the law will also prevent her son’s other caretaker, her trans niece, from assisting him in public bathrooms as well. “My niece identifies as a woman and then you’d have, in some people’s eyes, two men in the woman’s bathroom,” Wild said. However, library spokesperson Sean Jones said the library’s restroom policies haven’t recently changed. Rather, Jones said there has been “a slight uptick in unsafe activities” in the library, which has made the staff “more aware of situations that appear out of the ordinary.” “With this particular situation, it was simply a mishandled customer service moment,” Jones said. “Our staff was curious about the situation, and ultimately offered a solution for future uses in the form of telling them of the three family restrooms available at the main library.” Kansas Gov. Laura Kelly (D) vetoed the bathroom bill, worried that it would hurt the state’s economy. “Companies have made it clear that they are not interested in doing business with states that discriminate against workers and their families,” she said in a statement. “By stripping away rights from Kansans and opening the state up to expensive and unnecessary lawsuits, these bills would hurt our ability to continue breaking economic records and landing new business deals.” However, Republican legislators overrode her veto. Equality Kansas pointed out that the bill could threaten federal funding for libraries, shelters, and other facilities because it puts the state out of compliance with federal nondiscrimination policies. Transphobes have occasionally harassed cis bathroom users that they suspect of being trans. Last November, a woman at a Las Vegas casino harassed a straight cis woman with short hair for using the women’s restroom. Last December, a cis female cancer survivor who had her breasts removed told the media that public restroom users regularly challenge her gender, worsening her social anxiety. http://dlvr.it/SpdnbN

[jewbeloved]

Hello hello!I am a big fan of your posts,and i wondered if you could do Kyle,Kenny,Stan and Butters with a S/O who has disorders(Anxiety,Eating disorder,Separation anxiety,etc.You can pick any to your liking!)

Kyle, Kenny, Stan, and Butters with a s/o who has social anxiety💖💖🌸🌸

Note: I believe you didn't specify what type of anxiety you wanted for the reader, so I will just go with social anxiety.

Warnings: None

Gender: Neutral

💚 Kyle Broflovski 🌳

I feel like he will notice that you have social anxiety pretty quickly.

He doesn't want to cross your boundaries, but he also wants to help you as well.

If you're too afraid to speak out loud, he has no trouble doing the talking for you :)

He will understand that If you're completely uncomfortable with speaking out in public even though he wants you to sometimes, he won't pressure you to do it any further.

He loves you and he wants you to be comfortable <3

Cartman is pushing his buttons every time the dude makes fun of you for being anti-social.

Maybe stuffing Cartman's head into the toilet won't be such a bad idea for Kyle 😊

Kyle your number 1 supporter, and an wholesome boyfriend to have 💚💚💚💚💚💚

🧡 Kenny Mccormick 🍗

Another supportive boyfriend <3

He understands what it feels like to have social anxiety he was like that too before, but now he's more confident for sure!

Similar to Kyle, he won't persuade you into speaking out in public If you aren't comfortable doing so. He will also have no trouble doing the talking for you....even If people can't hear him underneath his parka......😓😓😓😓

I feel like he might joke around with you just a little about your social anxiety, he'll stop If you want him to. They're just playfully jokes If you know what I mean.

Can and will beat up Cartman If he has to, If he won't stop messing with you.

He will always be by your side, and even when he gets killed.🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

💙 Stan Marsh 💎

He found out that you have society anxiety at the last minute because he didn't notice it at first.

Once again, Stan also has no problems with doing the talking for you.

I feel like he kinda understands what it feels like to be anti-social as well.

He will also try to help and comfort you If you ever feel like you're going to have a panic attack in public.

He doesn't want his s/o to feel like they have to deal with this all by themselves.

He will hold your hand out in public If that's going to make you feel a little better.

If you were about to do a presentation speech in front of the class, Stan would probably try to distract Mr Garrison and get you out of doing the presentation If you're feeling very uncomfortable.

Cartman....of course.....was laughing the whole time at your uncomfortable state.....

Stan punched him in the face for that-

Stan may not look like he's helping to the fullest, but he really cares a lot about you and wants you to feel safe with him in south park💙💙💙💙💙

💛 Butters Scotch 🍥

Poor baby doesn't really know how to help...

Butters is most of the time always lost, but it's because he's trying to think of a way on how to help you cooperate with your social anxiety.

He wouldn't really notice your anxiety until you brought it up to him.

Similar to Stan he will try to get you out of doing things like a presentation speech, but most of the time he might fail in doing so and he desperately apologizes non-stop that he wasn't able to help!

So sometimes you'll have to be the one to comfort him. Even though you're the one who NEEDS to be comforted after struggling to do a presentation speech in front of the class.

Please reassure him that he is doing all he can to help you even If his attempts at doing so sometimes fails.

Heck, he might even go to the boys and ask them for advice on what to do.

Cartman being Cartman, he will try to tell Butters some incorrect advices and that won't be going so well for you and him...

In the end, I guess you both wouldn't mind comforting each other at the same time hahaha....💛💛💛💛

Eat an apple 🍏

[star-anise]

I read your post about trauma and I'm trying to make sense of my parents treatment of me as well as my own diagnoses. Is anxiety itself trauma? Or a result of trauma? Its the stress response itself not calming down. I think I was and am emotionally neglected. My parents are not sympathetic. I'm adhd anxiety depression my whole life. That post about learning new social situation techniques really resonated. What are the treatments for neglect? Besides plain old cbt and mindfulness and anti anxiety meds

Trigger warning: Child abuse, child neglect, emotional neglect

Anxiety can happen because of a wide variety of reasons, from medical to situational to genetic. It could happen out of the blue to a totally healthy adult. Or it might be a symptom of trauma and a bad childhood. PTSD used to be classified as a kind of anxiety disorder, but we now understand it's a lot more complicated.

I'm very sorry your family aren't sympathetic and don't get what's up with you. I want to make it very clear that it is not your fault that they aren't sympathetic.

It's not your fault for not explaining things clearly enough. It's not your fault for not being a more lovable child. It's not your fault for being emotional or oversensitive. It's not your fault for not communicating your needs in a way they can hear. Their treatment of you is not your fault.

That's important not just because it feels good to be absolved of blame. It's not a meaningless platitude. It's a nicer coating on what can sometimes be a very bleak truth. That truth is:

There is nothing you can do to make your family be sympathetic to you.

I am so, so, so sorry. You can spend your entire life turning backflips, you can learn interpretive dance, you can become the world's leading expert in your field, you can get hit by a car and find out you have cancer, you can be as sympathetic and understanding about their reasons for neglecting you as they could possibly want, you could do everything in your power to be a good child, and none of that will ever give you the power to make your parents be sympathetic to you and what you've been through.

Sometimes parents do learn and grow and change and work to repair the damage done while their kids were children. But that's because of their own issues and experiences and reasons, not because of anything their children have done. Many parents keep being oblivious and neglectful even when their children have become everything a parent could ever hope for.

Actually, an amazing number of my adult neurodivergent friends have had the absolutely excruciating experience of hearing their parents say, in essence, "Hey adult child! The other day someone I respect way more than you told me about [your condition], and I was astonished! They told me that thing you've been telling me for years, and it blew my mind. I now realize that this is a real part of your life! Wow, it sure would have made a difference if I'd done that thing you've been begging me to do for years now, huh? Hey, have you heard about this handy behavioural technique you've been doing every goddamn day of your adult life? It sounds like it would really help!"

Like, even if your parents ever Get It about your specific disorders and conditions, they're extremely likely to salvage their self-esteem by refusing to ever seriously acknowledge how much it's hurt that they've failed you.

And what that means is: You have to plan the rest of your life as if they will never be sympathetic.

That might mean never giving them any say over your medical care or personal life choices. It might mean not living with them, not turning to them when you need a supportive community, or not letting them play a large role in the lives of any children you yourself may have. It might mean having to build your own support network that doesn't include your family at all, because you can't count on them to care when you're in distress. It can really suck to have to keep giving up the dream that one day you'll be able to count on your family to nurture you emotionally, but I promise that it sucks less than being continually disappointed with no backup plan.

Researching emotional neglect can be really difficult because a lot of the best research psychology as a field has achieved on the topic comes from really extreme forms of neglect and abuse. Exactly the kind of neglect and abuse that society waves in the face of the "merely" emotionally neglected: "So what if you didn't get hugged enough! You had enough to eat, a roof over your head, and they never hit you! They weren't even mean or malicious! Stop whining!"

And... look, if you've just broken your legs and you're in a wheelchair, who would you rather learn about using a wheelchair from: someone who can easily walk everywhere all the time, or a double amputee who's been using a wheelchair for years? The first person can probably get around more easily, but the second one can tell you a lot more about the specific challenges and skills that will be central to this phase of your life.

That's the frame I propose for research: Your life might not have been as bad as the case studies you read (though it's probably worse than your family is willing to admit, because invalidation is itself a form of emotional neglect, and this is so common there's even a poem about it) but the issues they encounter and the skills they require are probably useful to you, too.

With that in mind, check out books about early childhood neglect and trauma like The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog by Bruce Perry, which talks about the parts of the brain and developmental stages that can be impaired by toxic stress in childhood, and the various forms of treatment that can address each one.

As far as CBT, remember to focus on behaviour, not just cognition. Reading about using touch to self-soothe is good, but less powerful than using that knowledge to find a blanket you love to touch, and wrapping yourself up in it whenever you're upset. Neglect means that you failed to get repeated, predictable experiences of being comforted. Healing therefore means getting that practice in as an adult: Creating thousands of daily, repetitive experiences of being cared about. Caring about yourself, and finding people who will care about you.

Maybe also give Dialectical Behaviour Therapy workbooks a try? They're designed for Borderline Personality Disorder, which can be seen as a specific subset of complex trauma. Like, if the effects of childhood abuse and neglect were a rainbow, BPD might be red-orange. But what makes DBT useful is that it has examined which skills and coping mechanisms vital to emotional health people with BPD most commonly weren't taught/never learned/need more practice on. The curriculum might not overlap completely with your own needs if you fall into the yellow, green, blue, or violet aspects of C-PTSD, but it's a good starting place when you're inventorying skills and habits you want to strengthen.

Good luck? I hope this helps!

[eldritch-bf]

Writing A Character With Borderline Personality Disorder

First of, thank you for wanting to include a Borderline character into your work. We have very little representation in media and when it is there, it’s negative. The antagonist in Single White Female and it’s remake is said to either be Borderline or Bipolar, for example. A few Borderline-coded characters also exist but their symptoms are probably closer to bipolar depression.

Trigger Warning for discussions of suicide, abuse, and hospitalization

What is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)?

It is called “Borderline” because it is “on the border of psychosis and neurosis. It used to be believed that Borderlines had a tendency to regress into “borderline schizophrenia,” but this really isn’t the case anymore. The term was coined in 1938 and there have been attempts to rename it but this is what it’s called for now.

Here is the raw list from the DSMV. My notes are below and italicized. Important take-always are in orange text.

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment; this does not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in criterion 5.

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

Markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (eg, spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating) [5] ; this does not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in criterion 5

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (eg, intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

Chronic feelings of emptiness

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (eg, frequent displays of temper, constant anger, or recurrent physical fights)

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

Generally, a diagnosis is only given if a person has at least 5 of these symptoms.

My comments:

Re: #1 There doesn’t have to be a literal abandonment in childhood. For me, I was emotionally abandoned by both my mother and father during my formative years. My mother also hated physical contact so now I have an impulse to seek it constantly. Touch-starvation is an easy trait to add to your Borderline character.

The stipulation in #1 that the frantic efforts cannot be the behaviors listed in #5 means that a Borderline person might: drive 3 hours in the middle of the night to the person who they feel might abandon them; do some extreme begging or bartering to keep the relationship. Also important: these do not have to be romantic relationships.

Re: #3 If Dissociative Identity Disorder means a person has multiple distinct personalities, for BPD we generally feel like an incomplete person, like we only have fragments of a whole personality.

A common joke in the BPD community is “Oh, you have a great personality.” And the Borderline person’s response is, “thanks, I made it specially for you!” You may also hear Borderlines called “chameleons” because we take pieces of other people’s personalities and incorporate it into ourselves. It can be a fictional character, too. I incorporated a lot of NBC Hannibal’s Will Graham into my personality at a point. Another aspect of this is that Borderlines are very good at code-switching. For me, when I’m in a new group of people, I have to “feel out” the vibe and everything and then alter my behavior to fit this social circle. Most people do this to some extent but Borderlines do it constantly and unconsciously and often extremely well. It’s not meant to be manipulative. It’s unconscious, we can’t control it.

Re: #8 The anger is a big one for me and it often leads to homicidal ideation. But Borderlines are incredibly unlikely to act on it.

Other Borderline Behaviors

Favorite Person/FP: Probably the most important aspect of BPD. An FP is specific to BPD. It can be a romantic partner, a crush, a parent, an authority figure, a sibling, or a child (specifically the child of the person with BPD of they have kids). This is the single most important thing in a Borderline’s life. An FP is an idealized person who can never do any wrong in our minds. Even abusive behaviors will be overlooked or reframed.

We don’t always have an FP and I’ve also never heard of someone having 2 FPs simultaneously. I had 2 at the same time once but I would split on one and then idealize them other one. I would never idealize both at the exact same moment. A real or imagined negative interaction with an FP can make or break a Borderline’s day and if it is negative, they can “split” on them.

Splitting/Black-And-White Thinking/All-Or-Nothing Thinking: Borderlines “split” on people, usually an FP. This is how an interaction with an FP can “make or break” your day. If an FP doesn’t text us back right away we might think they don’t like us anymore or are mad or will leave us. So we, unconsciously without our control, “split” on them. When “splitting negative” on a person it is impossible to recall good memories of the person, or they are framed negatively. A once loved birthday gift from an FP might now be seen as insincere or irrelevant. This is the “devaluation” mention in criteria #2.

However, once the person texts back, say 2 hours later, we usually split back, and now the person’s real or imagined negative behaviors are gone and they are once again idealized, as mentioned in criteria #2. You can see how taxing such a sudden shift in emotions can be for a person.

It is also taxing on the FP if they are present during the split or received panicked or angry messages with the above scenario. It causes fights and the FP might view the Borderline person as “Bipolar” “irrational” or “unstable”.

We can split on people that are not FPs.

Tips For Your Character

Your Borderline character could easily be in out-patient therapy. I won’t go into the details but they could be in DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy). The structure is 2 sessions a week, one with a small group, and then another one-on-one with their psychiatrist who is probably also running the group. Psychiatrists need special training to treat people with BPD.

Your character would also do “diary cards” each day and record their mood and any notes about their day. These are easy to add in as throw-away comments like “I’m going to therapy, I’ll be back in an hour or so” or “damn it, I forgot to do my diary card”.

Fun fact: Therapists have been known to drop clients upon finding out they have BPD or giving them the diagnosis because apparently some therapists can’t handle us.

Your character might also be on some medication and an easy scene for angst could be them refusing to take their medication, forgetting to take it, or the meds being of of balance and them needing to go to an ER to be stabilized (usually they become suicidal or paranoid) and have their meds adjusted. This happened to me once. Lithium can be used in extreme cases as a medication but usually a combination of anti-depressants and mood-stabilizers is used.

BPD is often comorbid with depression so your character will probably exhibit depression symptoms as well.

Final Thoughts:

As long as you don’t make your Borderline character the antagonist or a manipulative partner who kills pets like in Single White Female, you should be fine.

Edit: tumblr glitched and I didn’t mean to post this now. I’ll try to get on my laptop when I get home and add a read more.

If you need clarification on anything or additional resources feel free to DM me or come into my inbox!

[kirksfattitties]

asks you can smell the privilege and internalized ableism radiate from

(tw for ableism and other bigoted implications)

i’m bad at reading tone but even i understand that this is 100% you being condescending and trying to cover it up with smiley faces and false sincerity. and i don’t appreciate that.

before i get into deconstructing your shitty ableist argument, i want to explain the reasons i believe in self diagnosis (self-dx):

even professional diagnosis doesn’t start with a doctor diagnosing you. there has to be a reason for seeing the doctor. some people see a doctor in their adult life because they’re struggling, some people are taken by their parents, some people are referred or suggested that they see a specialist. whatever it is, you don’t just see a doctor and they magically give you a neurodivergency. people have neurodivergencies before they see doctors and even if they NEVER see a doctor.

the psychiatry system is flawed in MANY ways and to say that it isn’t means you’re denying the experiences of people with less privledge than yourself. also like psychiatry isn’t gonna suck your dick. you don’t have to be a bootlicker lol

in many places (hi hello i’m from america where our government tries to indirectly kill us by not providing us with adequate healthcare! i and many other people have many issues we can’t get fixed because simply our government cares more about the economy than us), seeing a psychiatrist or a therapist or going to a mental hospital or WHATEVER is INCREDIBLY expensive. and to assume that everyone has access and enough time/money/energy/transportation/whatever to do all of that is classist and elitist.

ANYTHING medical (including mental health) is biased towards white cis men. most studies are done on white cis men/boys. because of this, people who aren’t white cis men (or people who aren’t perceived as white cis men) are often not diagnosed. the system is racist. the system is sexist. the system is transphobic. people don’t know how to diagnose autism or adhd or personality disorders or other neurodivergencies or even mental illnesses in black people and other people of color, in women, in trans people, etc. and GOD FORBID someone be in multiple (or all) of those categories. saying “just go get diagnosed :)” is a privileged statement to make.

shocker! the psychiatry system is also ableist. if you’re already diasabled (whether it be mental or physical) and you see a doctor about ANOTHER disability? the doctor is most likely going to shoot you down. or at least be weary about someone having mutliple disabilities.

also most people who diagnose are neurotypical. they have never and will probably never experience neurodivergency so they can never fully understand it. they operate off of stereotypes of neurodivergent people and usually only stereotypical behavior of neurodivergent white cis men (which, as i mentioned before, is problematic for anyone who isn’t a white cis man). neurotypical diagnosers don’t know the neurodivergent culture and aren’t trained to recognize very common things (like masking for example).

a professional diagnosis can also be weaponized. not everyone can get a professional diagnosis because there are some neurodivergencies (such as autism and personality disorders) and mental illnesses (like depression) that can have legal and medical respercussions to have in your record. trans people can be denied medical and legal transition for being professionally diagnosed. people can lose custody battles for being professionally diagnosed. a professional diagnosis can be used as justification for taking away someone’s body autonomy (especially if that person is also physically disabled).

a LOT of neurodivergencies also have some type of symptom (or symptoms) that make it difficult to interact with people. troubles recognizing facial expressions, troubles understanding certain phrases and types of speech, paranoid about people, audio processing issues, being nonverbal in an environment that doesn’t accommodate for it, overstimulation, extreme social anxiety, discomfort in new situations, problems with eye contact, and a lot more. because like. for many nd people, interacting with people is very difficult and stressful. and hey. if you want to get a professional diagnosis? take a WILD guess what you have to do? FUCKING INTERACT with people! LIKE?? JEHDJJDKEKKDKDKDS. do you know how many professionally diagnosed nd people i know who made their appointment COMPLETELY on their own without help from a parent or family member or friend? LITERALLY ZERO! and i know A FEW nd people who have professional diagnoses! so if someone has social issues that prevent them from doing tasks like calling and making an appointment, showing up for an appointment, talking during the appointment, etc and ALSO doesn’t have familial or friend support (because newsflash! people who are friends/family of disabled people can still be ableist)? almost impossible to get a diagnosis! plus, the diagnosis process is TIME CONSUMING. not everyone can focus on a task for that long and not everyone can miss work/school for that long.

so those are the reasons i support self-dx. (although there’s probably more that i’m forgetting but i have adhd and it’s hard for me to remember things!)

so hopefully you now understand my reasons for believing in self-dx, and perhaps even you’re pro-self-dx now because before you were just uneducated on these issues and how they impact people who aren’t you.

but in case you’re still anti-self-dx and probably hate already-marginalized neurodivergent people, let’s talk about this horrendous ask (series of asks, actually) that i got sent. i feel like i can feel the self hatred and internalized ableism OOZING from this ask and into my inbox, so thanks for that i guess /s

“Sometimes people who self diagnose can take away from those who are actually nd, even sometimes from themselves.”

starting out strong with the ableism on this one by separating people into “self diagnosed” and “actually nd” people. self diagnosed people ARE actually nd

there’s not a limited number of nd resources. this isn’t a math equation of only x amount of people can be nd because there’s only y amount of resources. more people realizing they’re nd will actually MAKE more resources for nd people and will bring more awareness to being nd

even IF someone self diagnosed, and they go back on it later, what harm was done? they learned some coping mechanisms? they made some nd friends? neither of those are problematic and i think they’re both actually very helpful. i think nt people SHOULD learn more about nd people and stuff because i think that will lead to WAYYY less misunderstandings and WAYYYY less ableism

“There are many people who fake nds for attention,”

hey anon, what fucking world do you live in that nd’s are cool enough to fake having? because i would LOVE to live there. like, i literally had a post about my personality disorder (which i will not be specifying) i had to delete because people were sending my anons about how i was “scary” and “threatening” now that they knew i had the personality disorder i have. last year i left a discord server because the ableism i was recieving from not only the members of the server, but the mods as well. there are very few people i know irl who i tell about my personality disorder, but when i tell people about my adhd, they start treating me different. they infantalize me and make fun of me and use “jokes” about stereotypical adhd behaviors to alienate me and they even TELL OTHER PEOPLE without my permission. i was SEVERELY bullied throughout elementary and middle school for being nd. i have been refused job and educational opportunities as well as literal medical attention for being nd. people aren’t “faking” being nd, and if they were they probably wouldn’t be doing it for long because it’s not something that’s EASY to deal with.

kinda ironic that you’re saying people can’t diagnose themselves but that YOU can tell when someone is faking their diagnosis. that’s both hypocritical and a double standard.

masking exists. if you think someone isn’t “acting nd enough” they’re probably masking because they’ve been fucking bullied and harrassed. also you’re probably basing whatever you think nd is on stereotypes. not every nd person is sheldon cooper lol.

this is a side note but can we talk about how you’re literally just taking transmed rhetoric and molding it to fit nd people? like. you really come onto MY NONBINARY NEURODIVERGENT blog and expect me to validate your recycled “but what about the REAL [insert group] people?” ??? like grow up, elitist. you’re not better than anyone else just because you lick some boots 🥾 👅

“and claiming that self diagnosis (and this is just what I interpreted) is just as valid as professional diagnosis”

it is 😌

the only difference between self diagnosis and professional diagnosis is that a professional diagnosis can also get you medicine. not every neurodivergency needs meds and not every neurodivergency can be treated (at this time or even ever). for example, my pd (self diagnosed) doesn’t have a specific treatment but multiple symptoms of the pd (all professionally diagnosed) have specific treatments and medicines that work, so patients are given/diagnosed with/prescribed those instead. also, medicine doesn’t work for everyone! and sometimes people are allergic to or take medicines that will conflict with any new medicine.

“can really devalue the account of someone who actually has a disorder”

here we go again with that “self diagnosed” vs “actually nd” bullshit. literally just say you hate poor people n minorities and leave lol

someone having a different experience than you isn’t devaluing you, but if you’re the one who always has the spotlight maybe you should use your privledge uplift other marginalized people instead of feeling angry when everything isn’t all about you 100% of the time

“I have a second ask”

i don’t want it

“Plus it can be damaging for a person if they self diagnose wrong.”

how? what if they learn information that they wouldn’t’ve otherwise known like coping mechanisms that help them with their own neurodivergencies? that’s definitely not a bad thing

i think it’s funny that you bring up that people can self diagnose wrong and don’t even MENTION that doctors can diagnose wrong. like. you know. the people who GIVE OUT MEDICINE to people. i think it’s MUCH more dangerous when a PROFESSIONAL diagnosis is wrong. what are self-dx people with wrong diagnoses gonna do? read up on nd tips? maybe smoke some weed? drink some coffee? that’s about all they can do with a self-dx. but if a MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL gives you an INCORRECT diagnosis, they can ACTUALLY fuck you up.

“I was recently diagnosed with PTSD, a disorder which I would have never considered I’d have.”

that’s great about your professional diagnosis! i don’t know you but i’m glad you’re finding out about yourself and getting the help you want and/or need /srs

sorry if this sounds blunt, but honestly i’m not surprised you never considered you could have PTSD. based on your asks, you sound like you have a lot of internalized ableism you need to work through and a lot more research about neurodiversity you need to do. being anti-self diagnosis is a common belief among a lot of people with internalized ableism and a lot of these same people are the ones who have no issue with and even SUPPORT auti$m $peaks. many nd organizations that are run BY nd people (like asan) actually support self-dx.

“If I had of diagnosed my own symptoms and then started treating myself or taking precautions based on my self diagnosed "condition", it could of really hurt me.”

how? taking precautions to preserve your mental health is NEVER a bad idea. i’m not ptsd, but someone i care deeply about DOES have ptsd and has shared a lot of the precautions and coping mechanisms for ptsd with me and honestly they’ve been incredibly helpful. it’s almost as if different neurodivergencies and/or mental illnesses have overlap and that’s why there’s a whole community for us to be able to share these resources and information with each other!

the same person was rejected a formal autism diagnosis because of their ptsd, plus the fact that they’re transgender and the fact they have symptoms of adhd. it’s not really my place to talk about their experience with professional diagnosis, but i’ll send this post to them and allow them to add on their experience in a rb if they’re comfortable with that. but it’s almost as if their experience with the professional diagnosis process was unhelpful, harmful, ableist, and transphobic 🧐 and unfortunately this is a pretty common experience

“Also, by self diagnosing, I devalue the account of a person with the disorder l assumed I had.”

how? if someone thinks they’re nd, they have a legitimate reason for thinking so. either they have another neurodivergency than the one they thought they had, or they’re neurotypical and need to figure themself out and have a need for support. either way, they learned more about the specific neurodivergency, more about the nd community, and more about themself. i don’t see how that’s a bad thing.

if you think self-diagnosed people’s experiences inherently have less value, that is straight up ableism. especially considering that other marginalized identities and minorities have trouble getting professional diagnoses, you might also be bigoted in some other way. or at the very least, refusing to acknowledge your privilege.

“only one more I promise”

i don’t want it

“I understand that doctors are expensive and professionals can get it wrong,”

okay. if you understand this, then dm me your information so i can bill you for the cost of my professional diagnoses, the cost for my therapy sessions, the cost for my medicine, and the cost for transportation to and from all these places. PLUS the cost of the work and school i’ll be missing for these sessions. 🤲

“but self diagnosis can be really harmful to yourself or others.”

nah, you’re just ableist and a gatekeeper lol

“If you feel like you have a disorder, go see a psychiatrist, you may have it.”

[remembers when i went to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with two major symptoms of a personality disorder and said i had other symptoms of the pd as well but refused to diagnose me with the actual personality disorder because i was a minor at the time and he told me “kids don’t have personalities so they can’t have personality disorders”. i understand being weary about diagnosing children with personality disorders because they aren’t fully developed but this dude straight up told me that i didn’t have a personality. this man literally only worked with children so that means he literally never diagnosed personality disorders. this man was literally just lazy and didn’t care about his patients. this man also refused to believe me when i told him the medicine he prescribed me made my symptoms worse and even made me hallucinate. he ignored me and refused to change my medicine so eventually i just changed psychiatrists and they put me on a new medicine that DIDNT make my symptoms worse and DIDNT make me hallucinate. also i looked it up after our session and apparently ONLY people with my pd and related ones experience hallucinations on that certain medication. it’s almost like his refusal to diagnose me and ignoring my symptoms/concerns harmed me. this man also constantly misgendered me and told me that homosexuality and transgenderism should’ve still been in the dsm. like golly, it’s almost as if being queer and neurodivergent in an extremely conservative state is harmful and dangerous. and that psychiatrists aren’t immune from being homophobic and transphobic and ableist.] but yes :) perhaps i should see another psychiatrist in this conservative state :)

“I don't want to undermine anyone's actual experiences, but it can be dangerous.”

then stop undermining people’s actual experiences :)

no ❤️

“If you feel like something's wrong, go see a professional.”

the whole point of the neurodiversity movement is that there IS no such thing as a “normal” brain, so saying that neurodivergent people have something “wrong” with them is ableist.

💰 🤲 hand it over

“I don't want to offend, I just don't want anyone to get mislead or hurt. :)”

you absolutely meant to offend. you literally said that self-diagnosed people’s experiences aren’t valid and have less value than people who have professional diagnoses

i know more people who have been (and personally have been) mislead and hurt by professionals than by simply existing as a self-diagnosed person

also i want to say that being pro-self dx is NOT being anti-professional/formal diagnosis. i think that people should absolutely get a professional diagnosis (if they are able to without negative repercussions)! being pro-self dx is more inclusive of marginalized people (like people of color, women, lgbtq+ people, people with multiple disabilities, etc). pro-self dx is simply just saying that professional diagnosis isn’t the only option

(neurotypical people and anti-self dx people don’t add anything; pro-self dx neurodivergent people are allowed to add with their experiences if they want)

[void-687]

Abuse isn't always what's shown

Abuse Abuse, Abusive, Abuser; these words have become buzzwords on the modern internet. Why? Why have people put such an extreme definition to the words? Most media portrays abuse as physical violence, yelling, screaming, locking someone in a room, drugging them, starving them, etc. The problem with this is that not all abuse is so blatant. Sometimes abuse is so subtle that even the victim doesn't realize it's abuse. Sometimes they could describe the situation to someone else, and they wouldn't pick up on it either.

Not all abuse is loud Abuse can be silent. A simple phrase, a gesture, a look. Outside of context it can seem like so little. But it could be the last time they said that, they yelled at you for spilling water, or the last time they had that look they hit you. Silent threats that just build anxiety, that aren't even conventional "threats"

Not all abuse is physical Some abuse isn't physical in any way. Psychological abuse is powerful, and can be devastating for the victim. Psychological abuse involves gaslighting, demeaning, yelling, unnecessary punishment, comparing you to people, setting high standards, etc. "But they want you to do well in school!" "They just care about your well being" "They're worried about your health." "They don't want you to lose job opportunities over some diagnoses."

Abuse can come with "I love you" Emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is very common for family, and parents manipulating their children, or relatives. Abusers can be nice to their victims, give them gifts, give compliments, or hug them. But they often come back to use the 'gift' as leverage. "I've given you so much" "Be grateful for all I've done for you." "You're lucky I let you dress the way you want." To those anti social they might say, "We never see you! You should come out of your room more" only to be met with, "Look who's finally arrived!" "It's about time you left your cave" "Why don't you come out in the light every once in a while" "We never see you anymore" These are all phrases used for guilt-tripping. They make the victim feel bad, even if their reason for being "locked up all day" is important, such as school, working from home, or even just taking time to themselves. When parents say, "But I've given you clothes, food, shelter, made sure you can go to school, given you a phone!" "You owe me for everything I've done for you." they're just trying to put a price on your basic needs. These things are simply what it means to have a child. You don't owe your parents anything. They chose to have a child. They chose to give you that special something. You don't owe them for basic necessities, or gifts. "But they're your family" Just, no. Family is who you choose, who you truly love and care about, not those you are bound to by blood. Even adoptive parents can be your 'parents', but not your family. You don't owe your birth givers anything for them deciding to have sex. You also don't owe great aunt Betsy, who's father fought so nobly in a war anything because she sees you every few months on holidays.

Abuse can be, "But I need you" Abusive relationships aren't always romantic. Romantic, sexual, or platonic relationships can be abusive. Friends can be abusive by making you their emotional dumping ground. They rant to you for hours about this guy at work who pissed them off, but as soon as you try and mention how your day went, they get mad at you for making it all about you and changing the subject. Abuse can be that whenever you say they upset you, they lash out and call themselves terrible, a piece of shit human, and "stop pretending you care". You try and help them, and you stay because, "They said they're trying to get better." "They didn't mean to hurt me, they're just depressed" "It's because of their illness, they can't control it" As someone who is clinically depressed, has multiple anxiety disorders, and can be socially inept, I can still apologize. Just because you are ill that doesn't mean you lack critical thinking skills. They either know it's not right, or they think they're entitled to treat you that way. Either way, it is never your fault for being victimized. Something someone told me once stuck with me, "It's not that you attract bad people, it's that bad people try and go for everyone, but your door was open." That isn't to say you invited them to abuse you. Nor is it to say it's your fault. You were vulnerable, and they preyed on that vulnerability. It's like how a robber will try every door on a neighborhood street, but the one that was unlocked gets broken into. It's not that person's fault they got robbed, and it's not the victim's fault they were abused.

Abuse can be, "You deserved it." Physical abuse. Spanking a child as punishment, taking away their favorite toy, locking them in their room, or unnecessarily forcing them out of their schedule. Enforcing a strict time to go to sleep. Even if you're being quiet, reading a book, drawing, playing a game, you did nothing to disturb your parents at all, but suddenly they're stomping down the hall to yell at you "for being awake at this hour". Having a strict time to go to bed and wake up regardless of your circumstances is just a way for them to exert control, and have some kind of power to hold over you.

Abuse can be, "Crying doesn't help." Encouraging and glorifying emotional suppression. A child with anxiety will be told to "get over it" or "calm down". Someone who was injured is told, "crying won't make the pain stop" "Stop crying" "Be quiet already" "It wasn't that bad, quit being a baby" Abusers often take advantage of people with mental disorders like anxiety and depression. Parents might tell a depressed child, "If only you would try harder" "I know you can do better than a C" "Stop being lazy" "You can't use your depression as an excuse" "Quit being a couch potato and do your work" Parents might tell a child with anxiety or ADHD, "Just do your work, it's not that hard." "Stop procrastinating" "Just turn in your work" "Stop fidgeting" "You don't need to do [X] thing every day" General emotional neglect, and ignoring your mental well being, instead prioritizing school, and grades above all else.

Abuse can be, "You need me" Emotional manipulation, telling the victim that they need the abusive person to be successful, or live comfortably, etc. Sometimes this involves making the victim reliant on the abuser in some way. It could be by restricting their money, removing their support system, isolating them from their family and friends, and leaving them nowhere to go.

Abuse isn't pretty, and it isn't all one thing. This list doesn't come close to covering everything. I guess in summary, please listen to people who are victims of abuse. If someone thinks they're being abused, listen to them. If you think you're being treated unfairly, reach out to someone.

I hope you are all doing well, and please take care of yourselves out there.

[lethal1989]

𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐁𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐌𝐀𝐍. written by rat (21+ & he/him)

highly triggering content abound. proceed with EXTREME caution. NO MINORS.

♥ IF YOU READ

NAME: Patrick Bateman. AGE: 27 GENDER: not so much a man as he is a preformance of masculinity. (he/him/his) ORIENTATION: homosexual (closeted, repressed, and phobic about it) EDUCATION: Phillips Exeter Academy / Harvard College / Harvard Business School OCCUPATION: Investment banker- VP at  Pierce & Pierce. EYE COLOR: brown HEIGHT: 6′0 ” BUILD: Muscular, toned. NOTEWORTHY TRAITS: none whatsoever. Patrick Bateman is so successful in recreating the yuppie buisinessman aesthetic that he completely blends into the crowd- even his friends often mistake him for other members of their firm. NEURODIVERGENCIES: Patrick Bateman suffers from a cocktail of co-morbid mental illnesses and personality disorders, all of which doctors have yet to properly diagnose (and have historically mis-diagnosed) due to Bateman’s evasive and deceitful nature. He has never been truthful to a therapist unless it was to gain a prescription. Narcissism, antisocial personality, and/or borderline personality disorder suspected. He is currently on anti-anxiety meds and psychotropics like Xanax to control his emotional state. PERSONALITY: Bateman is the ultimate stereotype of yuppie greed; wealthy, conceited, and addicted to sex, drugs, and conspicuous consumption. A modern Dorian Gray, Bateman takes delight in obsessively detailing virtually every single feature of his designer clothes, workout routine, business cards, alcoholic drinks, elaborate high-end stereo and home theater sound system. He is publicly known to be engaged to Evelyn Williams, but the relationship largely exists only to further his social status- and he cheats on her constantly with colleagues and sex workers (some of which end up dead). Despite his affluence and high social status, Bateman is plagued by feelings of anxiety and low self-esteem. He kills many of his victims because they make him feel inadequate, usually by having better taste than he does. He is hated by others as well - his friends mock him as the "boy next door"; his own lawyer refers to him as a "bloody ass-kisser... a brown-nosing goody-goody"; and he is often dismissed as "yuppie trash" by people outside his social circle. Bateman often expresses doubts regarding his own sanity and he has periodic attacks of psychosis, during which he hallucinates. Bateman compensates for his anxiety through obsessive vanity and personal grooming, with unwavering attention to detail. He buys the most fashionable, expensive clothing and accessories possible as a means of effecting some "control" over his otherwise chaotic life. Likewise, he categorizes people by what they wear and how they look because they are more easily "understood" in terms of labels and stereotypes. Bateman's apartment also is firmly controlled in terms of look and taste, with the latest music, food, and art. Bateman kills more or less indiscriminately, with no preferred type of victim and no consistent or preferred method of killing. Although Bateman often claims that he is devoid of emotion, he also describes experiencing moments of extreme rage, panic or grief—being on the "verge of tears"—often over trivial inconveniences such as remembering to return videotapes or trying to obtain dinner reservations. In the middle of dismembering a victim, he breaks down, sobbing that he "just wants to be loved". He publicly espouses a philosophy of tolerance, equality and traditional moral values because he thinks it will make him more likeable, however he truly has no interest in any of the aforementioned principles.  Periodically, he matter-of-factly confesses his crimes to his friends, co-workers, and even complete strangers ("I like to dissect girls, did you know I'm utterly insane") just to see if they are actually listening to him. They either are not, or they think that he is joking.