#We would simply be making arguments from the text.

[utilitycaster]

I follow someone who peaced out of C3 like a month ago, and while she still throws out the occasional post about it, despite mostly running on ✨vibes✨ since pre-Predathos fight. one of her latest takes caught my attention. The wording was a little messy, but the core argument seemed like it might have a point. She’s saying the biggest issue with the story is a lack of internal logic, which makes the characters feel kind of disconnected from their own world and setting. Her main example was the Schism, like, the general idea that the Titans were bad news for mortals should be widely accepted, and they’re dead so they’re not coming back even if the gods leave. She also argues that the idea that the gods would always choose each other over mortals isn’t really backed up by history. Basically, she thinks Bells Hells ignore some of the fundamental structures of modern religion in Exandria, which in turn makes a lot of their arguments about the gods fall apart.

So I guess I’m wondering does it seem like there’s a lack of internal logic to you? C3 is my first campaign, so I’ve been piecing together older lore as I go, and I can’t tell if this is a niche take or if there’s some bigger context I’m missing.

Yes. Or rather, I have a couple of different guesses as to what happened. In short: I think that either Matt wanted to set up a big dilemma and failed to do the worldbuilding to really support it textually; he didn't have a clear vision of what this would be at all (HUGE fucking mistake, like, actually concerning me re: the potential of a 4th campaign level of mistake and I hope it's not that); or, alternately, and honestly right now my guess is that this was the case, he straight up did not think the characters would be such selfish dickbags and thought going in that this would be a clear "we have to stop Predathos" and intended the familial connections within the Vanguard and the scene in Hearthdell to be added nuance to provide some understanding of the Vanguard not as simply mindless evil monsters but people who have genuine grievances that have been exploited by predatory cult leaders, and was not prepared for a campaign where the party immediately took the Vanguard's side.

Religion in Exandria has never been super formalized or organized. Some of this is, of course, that you don't have to like, convert or even attend services if you have a relationship with a god. But as a result, it means that any exploration of religion as hegemonic falls apart. I am not saying religion needs to fit the regular daily or weekly practices many people irl have (depending on one's levels of observance), and those characters whose powers canonically involve a deity often do observe either restrictions (Caduceus's vegetarianism) or have some form of meditative personal worship, but we never see like, a system of worship outside of Vasselheim, and Vasselheim lacks the powers that the real-world pope has (let alone the medieval era pope). Tuldus was forced by his family to pray, but it's never depicted as part of How All Worshipers of That God are expected to behave. This is really the crux of a lot of problems with this campaign - people keep taking very individualized issues - which are real, but individual - and treating them as a sign of widespread oppression that simply isn't backed up by the text. In fact, the biggest case of widespread religiously-involved oppression is the Empire going after worshipers of illegal Prime Deities (as we see with the Schuesters - the parents are arrested, leaving their young children to fend for themselves) - and the biggest case of widespread proselytizing and missionary work is from the canonically theocratic (and ruled by one person for over a millennium) Kryn Dynasty, which, hilariously, might end up even more powerful given that the Luxon - the source of their religion, their philosophy and cultural practices, and their arcane prowess - has been brought up as relevant to the gods-become-mortal plan by the Raven Queen and seems to not be under any threat from Predathos, and might even get more powerful. Vasselheim's colonial efforts, while certainly not defensible, are small potatoes.

The player character's grievances against the gods all boil down to "I prayed to the gods and they didn't make my life better" while failing to consider that a combination of genuinely wild specific personal circumstances (being Ruidusborn; being the child of an elemental-worship cult with terrible instincts and later running a heist on a Vanguard collaborator; being a shadow sorcerer who caught the eye of an evil Vecna-worshipping wizard in need of a host body) are the root cause. It's like. If your parents kick you out for being gay, that's homophobia, but if your parents are part of a cult that blows itself up and you are orphaned as a result that is not systemic oppression, that is a very specific cult and shitty parents. So that fails to really ground them in the setting. Compare to campaign 2, where Caleb wants to ensure the Volstrucker program is brought to light and eliminated - as he says, no more children on the pyre - vs. here, where arguably Laudna and Ashton are opening the door to far more unregulated cult/evil necromancy shenanigans now entirely unmitigated by the gods. At least Imogen will probably end the Ruidusborn I guess, as a side effect completely unrelated to her actual goals (which are, frankly, unclear) In a campaign that talks about tethers, the characters seem untethered to anything - institution, place, even for the most part family, and only loosely to each other, and it shows in their lack of care.

The other part is that yeah, a lot of things that were given to the Mighty Nein and Vox Machina as "things people would know" aren't given to Bells Hells. Now this could have a mechanical basis, namely, no one has much of a formal education and most of them are also not terribly intelligent on their own. However, it does feel baffling that they can't recognize holy symbols, or don't know the story of the titans at the time of the Schism (which...setting aside the many issues with the concept of "history is written by the victors" which is both inconsistently true in the first place and is frequently used in an anti-intellectual manner to undermine historical study that points out such things as historical racism; just because history might be inaccurate that does not mean that wild speculation otherwise is necessarily true, especially since we do know from EXU Calamity that titans did, indeed, intend to side with the Betrayers against mortals at the start of the Calamity). It furthers this feeling, after Vox Machina being relatively educated even in a story that was not as worldbuilding-focused, and the Mighty Nein having multiple research-oriented characters and a party deeply rooted in a rich world, that Bells Hells feel off and adrift and ignorant, especially since they don't even seem to remember history they lived through such as the Apex War.

Honestly, what I think is most interesting actually is that we don't ever get anyone express a motivation based on structural oppression in-game. Ludinus never got over his parents dying in a war where the options for the Prime Deities were leave mortals to die or fight the Betrayers, knowing there will be devastating casualties, but in setting up his elaborate plot he murdered countless people, destroyed through his communing with Predathos the first rebuilt elven society in Western Wildemount, and participated in actual structural oppression within the Dwendalian empire for literal centuries; he cared not for any widespread liberation and would remain on top, as an archmage, after this imagined revolution, which makes it not much of a revolution worth having. Liliana's problems were caused by Predathos, and many of the Vanguard we see are Ruidusborn. The only other Vanguard we really get to talk to are Bor'Dor, who was oppressed on the basis of his religion and preyed upon by the cult; Tuldus, who see above; and various Paragon's Call members who are mostly just following orders and getting paid. And Bells Hells, when they have the audience of Vasselheim and the rest of the world - a golden opportunity to call out the colonialism - fail to bring up Hearthdell.

In the end, the motivations are all personal pain - in many cases, inflicted, in fact, by Predathos and not the gods - or vengeance. I honestly don't know if the narrative is trying to claim there is something deeper, or if it's simply some of the characters and a chunk of the least knowledgeable fans, but yes, the worldbuilding fails to support a morally complex narrative. It fails to debunk that which was established earlier (and indeed makes the fall of Aeor far more sympathetic than when it was introduced during Campaign 2) and fails to establish any widespread harm the gods did that wasn't the result of someone threatening to kill them. I do not think one can meaningfully debate with someone who puts a boot on your throat, presses down, and claims you're the oppressor when you fight back, nor with someone who argues along those lines, and that's all that fans and Bells Hells have ever done. And yeah we might actually make a world with a formalized hegemonic religion as a result of Bells Hells' actions; it just will be a different god, underscoring that this is either motivated by people who don't know what the fuck is going on; or by vengeance rather than justice.

[wardensantoineandevka]

a lot of people mistake "the storytellers were inspired by and made references to these particular works in their story" as the same as "this story has the same themes as the works that inspired it or that it referenced or it is successfully structuring, executing, and conveying those themes"

you can't just hold up a collection of references, pulls, and touchstones that a storyteller or a work makes and claim that the work inherently has the same themes as all those other things by mere fact of quotation

a storyteller who is inspired by a lot of works exploring moral ambiguity in power dynamics is not automatically successfully exploring and presenting a framework of ambiguity in their own works. someone who drew from many works of environmentalism and the relationship between humanity and nature for inspiration is not necessarily centering that in their own works (we see this a lot with "Ghibli-inspired").

knowing what a storyteller or work is inspired by or drawing from is useful for understanding influence and, yes, sometimes maybe even intent. it CAN clarify motivations and intentions of the work for a reading or interpretation, and it CAN provide a context to structure how one reads a work. this sort of thing IS useful sometimes for considering the work within its mode and possible intentions and what its influences are. it cannot, however, create meaning in the work. it cannot sufficiently bridge a gap within the work itself to successfully establish, structure, and execute theme and narrative. a list of inspirations or references does not on its own produce meaning within a work nor does it do the heavy lifting for how that meaning is conveyed and how effectively it is.

[maenefa]

Why does Eowyn want to die?

Because Aragorn won’t love her? Because she feels trapped in her feminine gender role?

These are the explanations we get in the text. However, none of the characters really acknowledge Eowyn’s darkest fear: being taken alive by the enemy.

There are some bad takes on Eowyn that boil down to patronizing her and downplaying the seriousness of her problems. People say that she had a naive desire for glory and Faramir teaches her that war isn’t actually fun. Then there’s the whole “Eowyn was a deserter who selfishly ran away from her duty” argument.

You can only say these things if you ignore how dire the situation was, how close Sauron was to winning, and how gruesome Eowyn’s fate would have been if he won. She knew that death or capture likely awaited her, and she knew that dying in battle was the least bad option. (She also knew her own worth and believed that she was too useful a warrior to be left behind with the civilians. And she was right.)

Eowyn’s actions are ruthlessly practical! She wants to die fighting because that’s better than waiting around for The Horrors. Let’s be real, Eowyn is too sensible to be suicidal over an unrequited crush.

Here are some of her most revealing quotes:

“All your words are but to say: you are a woman, and your part is in the house. But when the men have died in battle and honor, you have leave to be burned in the house, for the men will need it no more.”

“And those who have not swords can still die upon them.”

“Nor is it always evil to die in battle, even in bitter pain. Were I permitted, in this dark hour I would choose the latter.”

“But I do not desire healing…. I wish to ride to war like my brother Éomer, or better like Théoden the king, for he died and has both honour and peace.”

In the end. Eowyn only stops wanting to die after Sauron is defeated. Just before the Ring is destroyed, she tells Faramir:

“I stand upon some dreadful brink, and it is utterly dark in the abyss before my feet, but whether there is any light behind me I cannot tell. For I cannot turn yet. I wait for some stroke of doom.”

Eowyn can’t turn to light and life until the war is over. Hope is too painful; death at least offers “honor and peace.” This passage is so important because it EXPLICITLY links Eowyn’s despair to the outcome of the war and makes it clear that she is not simply having a meltdown because Aragorn rejected her.

There are two important moments where Eowyn is threatened with violence. The very first time we meet her, we are told by Gandalf that Wormtongue planned to turn her into a sex slave after Saruman conquered Rohan. Even though this threat is dismissed quickly, it’s a disturbing reminder of what could happen to Eowyn if Sauron wins.

Then we have the most triumphant moment of Eowyn’s story: her battle with the Witch King. Once again, Eowyn is not threatened with death, but with captivity and torment:

“Come not between the Nazgûl and his prey! Or he will not slay thee in thy turn. He will bear thee away to the houses of lamentation, beyond all darkness, where thy flesh shall be devoured, and thy shrivelled mind be left naked to the Lidless Eye.”

Eowyn laughs at him and makes sure to announce that she is a woman before killing him. Her victory is all the more satisfying because the Witch King has just threatened her with captivity, loss of agency, the violation of her body and mind—all threats that Eowyn has faced before. But the Witch King’s words continue to haunt Eowyn and us. He threatens to withhold death; and death is therefore framed as an escape, a gift. Eowyn is taken to the Houses of Healing, but she is obsessed with returning to battle and fighting until she dies.

When Eowyn says that she fears “a cage,” this is a brilliantly simple metaphor for the entire spectrum of oppression she has faced: from the well-meaning restrictions of her culture to the horrifying enslavement threatened by Wormtongue.

Once the war is over, Eowyn is able to laugh at her fears. She teases Faramir: “And would you have your proud folk say of you: there goes a lord who tamed a wild shieldmaiden of the North!” Her fear of being caged has been turned into a bit of flirtatious banter. She feels completely safe with Faramir, and the idea that he “tamed” her is nothing but a joke between them.

[fangbanger3000]

we need to talk about The Silence and The Song

[PLEASE READ] edit to add: i realise that this post has been reblogged far and wide and that there is not a lot i can do about it now, but this is me trying anyway.

posting examples from the fic about my issues with its repetitive structure was careless of me, and i apologise to those of you who read it and became insecure about your own writing style. as someone who has worked with ai in academic settings, it's incredibly difficult for me to explain to you how the tone and structure of ai-generated fiction works and how, after reading enough of it, you can simply just tell. i do also realise that this is an incredibly weak argument, which is why i didn't include it when i originally wrote this post.

all that to say: there is an enormous difference between "beginner's writing" and ai writing. being repetitive as a new writer (or a seasoned one who just likes using repetition) is so normal. as is flowery/purple language. i've read hundreds of books and fics and the difference between these traits in ai-text and actual works is starkly clear. please don't feel anxious over the examples i've used in this post.

again, i apologise for any distress i have caused.

as per my last post, i have received a lot of encouragement to go public with this, and the more disappointed people i have in my dms, the angrier i get. so i will.

the silence and the song is an ancient arlathan au DA fic on ao3 by luxannaslut, and it is partly, if not entirely, written by an ai. i have no wish to be involved in any kind of fandom drama or witch hunting or bullying, but as a writer myself there are few things that piss me off more than watching people steal the work of others because they can't be fucked to write. it's disrespectful to your fellow writers, it's disrespectful to your readers, and it's disrespectful to the authors of the works the ai is stealing from.

ai is a plague that has no business being in creative spaces and you must do better.

the writing pattern

there was something very odd and monotone about the sentence structure of tsats that i couldn't quite place, so i fed chatgpt a prompt along the lines of "two people in a fantasy novel hate each other, but they secretly desire one another, and they kiss", and the screenshots above are the results. the third one is an excerpt from chapter 40 of tsats. the writing pattern is identical and it doesn't seem like the "writer" has even bothered to pretend they wrote it. if you're going to use ai, at least be sneaky about it. you know, paraphrase a little.

nonsense descriptions

"her nimble fingers worked with quiet precision" (ct. 1), "his grip firm but tender" (ct. 33), "her gown pooling around her like embers" (ct. 1).

fingers don't make sound, so what does quiet precision mean? as opposed to what? her joints cracking with every movement? how is a grip firm but tender? what does that mean? since when do embers pool?

the entire fic is littered with these adjectives that contradict each other or just straight up do not make sense, because all an ai does is generate descriptive language with no understanding of what the words it's spitting out actually mean. i could spend hours picking out examples from the seven billion pages worth of text, but i quite frankly have better things to do and would simply challenge you to try getting through a chapter or two without noticing the pattern.

repetition at structure-level

all the scenes in this fic are described in pretty much the same way. they open with purple prose vomit of the surroundings; solas is standing somewhere looking "unreadable as ever"; ellana's fiery golden molten fire copper ember ginger red hair is flowing this and that way; there's some dialogue with whoever is present and it leaves ellana feeling different variations of "something she couldn't name". this is, once again, a blatantly obvious sign of ai. below is the result of me feeding chatgpt the line "write me a scene from a fantasy novel where a woman with red hair is sitting on the ground in a magical garden at night", and side by side with that is the opening scene of the fic. make your own judgement.

repetition at word-level

this one speaks for itself. we fucking get it. her dress is orange, her hair is red, mythal's presence is heavy in the room, solas looks unreadable, compassion is sitting on her head like a crown, solas' ears are betraying him and ellana's move with every thought she thinks. we get it. the issue here is that an ai remembers the info you feed it, but not necessarily the info it shits out. if it's being told to write scene after scene of an elven woman with a gown that looks like fire doing xyz, it's going to do so with no regard for how many times the reader has already been informed of these details.

lastly: the breakneck speed

359,6k words in four weeks by a person who allegedly is employed and married and hasn't pre-written anything? no. any writer will tell you that this simply isn't possible. it absolutely infuriates me to see how much praise this "writer" gets for posting up to three full chapters in a day without anyone calling bullshit. i am pulling out my hair, you guys.

why i'm not going to live and let live this one

perhaps i would be less angry if the fic was some silly bullshit court intrigue Y/A stuff, but this is a text that handles very heavy and triggering topics such as SA, coercion, domestic abuse, and other things of the same vein. to sit back and put your feet up while having a robot write these extremely sensitive and very real human experiences with words it has stolen from texts written by actual persons is fucking heinous. the "writer" should be deeply ashamed of themselves and i'm sick and tired of watching people eat up their bs.

and on that note: the amount of people in my dm's telling me that they feel stupid and naive for not clocking this has infuriated me more than anything else. you're not foolish for this. being fed ai-generated bullshit is not what is supposed to happen on any creative platform and much less a fandom-centred one, so of course no one approaches a fic through that lens. fandom and fic writing is supposed to be about passion and the only person in this situation who needs to do better and change their behaviour is luxannaslut. polluting our creative spaces, wasting the time of your readers, and minimising the effort of actual writers who are working hard to provide content for us all to share and enjoy is vile and so, so lazy. i beg of you: do better.

[mimiamorewon]

—★ mdni, reblogs appreciated 

content: short angst, explicit language, slight toxicity, suggestive/ sexual content (phone $ex from one party), implied masturbation, sexual tension, pet names (doll & sweetheart)

word count: 1.9k

not proof read!

You & Toji had just got in one of the most heated fights recently, not being anything new, but being worst than before. So bad, in fact, that you stormed out of his house, vowing to never look back. part of you wanted to never to see him again but the other part— one you hated to admit— wanted him to chase you right out of that door. 

But he didn’t.

The argument had started over something petty- your tendency to leave lights on, maybe—but it snowballed into a shouting match where old wounds just happened to be reopened. You faced accusations like daggers, and he parried with cold indifference that stung worse than any insult.

once you arrrived home, you attempted to convince yourself you didn’t really mind, attempting to keep up that facade even when you were by yourself. you had just gotten in bed after taking a shower and doing all of your nightly routine things, the whole time trying to push the argument out of your head, and still- with not a single text or call from Toji. you were always the one to apologize first since you would usually initiate the arguments, and this was the first time you’ve ever left in such a rage, so you decided to test Toji.

just how long could he refrain from texting or calling you? it wasn’t like you cared or anything… but somehow every notification you got from your phone made your heart beat just a little louder in anticipation that Toji had finally reached out.

in frustration, you simply turned your phone off, and angrily turned your back to it.

You stared at the ceiling, the quiet of your apartment almost suffocating. Part of you ached to hear his voice, even if it was just to fight some more. The other part hated that you felt so desperate for him. pathetic you thought bitterly to yourself, dozing off.

-

Toji leaned back in his bed, his hand hovering over the phone. he suddenly smirked to himself, knowing the power he had over you. his thumb finally pressed ‘call.’ He always loved getting under your skin, but this time it had gone too far, and he hated how much he needed to hear your voice again

-

what felt like only 5 minutes after dozing off and finally falling asleep, you heard your phone ringing. after being woke up, you check the time on your phone, and it was around 1:30 am. 

Toji? you thought. It couldn’t be anyone else.

still groggy and half-asleep, you stare at Tojis name and contact, glaring brightly onto your face. Childishly, you debate whether you should simply just let it ring… but your curiousity got the best of you, and against your better judgement, you answered. 

You exhale, hoping you were making the right decision by answering. “What do you want?” you snapped, your voice sharp as you propped yourself up on your elbow. there had been a moment of silence in the other end of the call, a silence that almost made your stomach sink. should I have answered differently? you thought. Suddenly, a low, mocking chuckle came through the speaker, immediately taking back your previous thought.

“Took you long enough to answer y/n,” Toji continued, his voice smooth but with a familiar edge of smugness, “miss me yet?”

you roll your eyes as far as you can into the back of your skull and grip the phone tighter, “now why the hell would I miss you?” Another laugh. deeper this time. like your anger amused him to no end. “I dunno, doll. y’ tell me. You’ve been waitin’ for this call, haven’t you? Lying there, pretending like you just don’t care… you act like we haven’t been together for almost 3 years. ‘m not stupid.”

his words set a fire in your chest. he was right. he was so right that it inevitably pissed you off to your core, and before you could even think about what came out of your mouth, you snapped.

“I hate you.”

..the line went quite for what felt like forever. you almost believed that he had hung up, moving the phone from your face to check the screen. You heard a faint click from the other end, and It wasn’t until a few beats later that Toji would give you his response, long and drawn-out, as if he were savoring every word.

“Say that again.”

Your breath slightly stopped, flinching at his words, and realizing too late that this game you started was dangerous.. sooo dangerous.

you rolled your eyes in annoyance, but the pulse from your chest had betrayed you. “what?” you questioned, not knowing if you had pissed him off or if he simply hadn’t heard you the first time. 

you cleared your throat slightly. “I said.. I hate you.” saying it this time felt slightly different. maybe it was because of the embarrassment that came with repeating yourself, but it made it seem as if you didn’t mean it (you didn’t.)

the silence once again dragged on. it was unbearable. you lips had parted to say something- anything- maybe even apologize. was he really hurt? but then, Toji spoke again, his voice just a pitch lower. rougher. dripping with something… hungry.

“say it again.”

you froze. what’s he getting at? you thought, removing your phone from your ear for a second in what seemed like disbelief. “what? are you deaf-“

“you heard me.” his tone slightly sharpened as he cut you off, twisting your stomach all in knots. “…well why’d you stop? keep telling me you hate me.” his words almost coming off as a challenge.

maybe if you weren’t so pissed off at Toji you would’ve heard the zip! that emerged not long after his last few words.

the demand from toji sent a thrilling heat to your cheeks, but you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. At this point, he’d make you repeat it until you forced yourself to admit you missed him like hell. “you’re actually fucking insane” you hissed, trying to force yourself to sound disgusted, your heart hammering louder and faster in your chest. 

“‘nd yet your still on the phone with me.. hanging on to every word. sweetheart..”, his words suspiciously breathy, not as rough as they were initially, with a hint of amusement laced in his words “if you hated me so badly, you would’ve hung up already. but you can’t, can you?”

you grew internally aggravated at the fact that he could read you so easily, clenching your teeth harder with every word he spoke. 

“Oh, I get it now,” he continued, his voice now taking on a mockingly tone. “You like that shit. that little spark of anger you think scares me off. it’s the most honest thing about you. And it’s all for me.” he cooed in a childish voice.

“what the fuck are you even talking about? The most honest thing? seriously. Are you actually trying to piss me off?” you babbled with anger, “You’re delusional.” your voice wavering slightly.

“Am I?” His chuckle was dark, laced with a dangerous sort of glee. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were lying in that bed of yours, squeezing the outside of your phone like it’s my throat. Maybe wishing it was my hand on yours instead. Or maybe…” Tojis voice getting raspier by the minute, “You’re thinking about what it’d feel like if I pinned you down. made ya’ say it to my face.” he teased in a whisper, almost as if he were taking pleasure in his own sick and twisted scenario. you could practically hear his mischievous grin through the phone.

but nonetheless, a sharp heat pooled in your stomach, your body physically reacting and slightly arching off your bed in response. “fuck I hate you..” you uttered out of frustration followed by a sigh, pinching the space in between your eyebrows and scrunching up your face in response. your voice slightly trembling in a way that made you cringe.

then suddenly, toji groaned. you almost hung up the phone then and there. the sound sent absolute shivers down your spine. “y/n,” he let out, “s-say it again.”

was he trying to tease you? until you took it back? if so… it was fucking working.“stop it-” you shot back, your face burning now.

“you don’t really want me to.” Tojis voice was a velvety poison, wrapping around you. trapping you. “you must want me to make you repeat yourself. over and over. until you choke on it.”

“f-fuck you.” you shut your eyes tightly. trying to maintain the facade of hating Tojis guts entirely (& failing miserably).

“you’d love that would’nt you?” his laugh low and almost out of breath, enjoying every second of this. “You jus’ don’t realize how much I love hearing that you hate me. you can’t even pretend to hate me, and we both know it. but the way you sound like you uhngh— mean it…” his words were followed with a slow exhale. making your thighs press together instantly. 

“Toji—“

“Louder,” he interrupted, the sick request lathered in a sinful tone. “say it like you’re about to break.”

“I hate you!” you almost screamed, more out of desperation to just shut him the hell up more than anything else.

a low groan, transitioning into a flamboyant moan grumbled through the speaker, and for a moment, you swear you could hear his breaths getting shorter and shorter. quicker. as if he were in a rush. “F-Fuck that’s good..” his voice deep and ragged. you started to hear a faint squelching in the distance of Tojis mic. your attitude slowly fading and sitting up in your bed as if that would help you hear it better. “keep going. tell me again.”

in that moment, you tried to decipher if toji meant for you to hear his length being fucked into his fist, living out some kind of sick fantasy, or if he were trying to keep up a front and act like he simply wanted you to regret your words. if that were the case, he’d been doing terribly.

you knew exactly what he was doing.

you could practically picture in your head what the scene would look like. Toji, one hand holding the phone to his ear, the other stroking viciously up and down his huge length, from the veins along it crossing every which way, to the pink curved tip. his legs sprawled out along his bed sheets and his boxers still hung around his ankles, head cocked back with his mouth lazily in the shape of an o, almost drooling while he listened to you talk. you also imagined that same face he made before he came, making him look frustrated. focused even. focused on one thing. the whole scenario was making you unbelievably wet, your cunt throbbing uncontrollably.

your mouth opened, but the words just didn’t come out. silence only stretching once again, his breath along with the faint squelching sound in the distance being the only source of noise on the line. it made your stomach flutter furiously. and just when you thought you’d broke him, his voice turned soft. too soft. the same voice he used when he wanted something from you. when he was desperate. Toji was never one to go below his “normal self” to get what he wants. but his overwhelming power only ever so often would be loosened. only ever for you.

“hey y/n.”

“…y-yes?” Your pulse quickened as his voice grew softer. darker. The way he drawed out your name made your thighs press together involuntarily. you suddenly heard three rough knocks through your front door, making you sit up in your bed, your blood running cold as you look towards your bedroom door.

“open this door for me.”

You stared at the door, heart pounding in your chest. how the fuck did he get here so fast? wasn’t he just?… His voice came through again, deeper this time, dripping with something dangerous.

“come on sweetheart. don’t make me break it down.”

in that moment you were unsure if you were terrified or thrilled. who would’ve known Toji was such a masochist?

#suprised toji can even afford a phone fr

#this has been sitting in my drafts! felt silly, might delete later

[k1mbe3rly]

OK WE NEED A PART 3 OH THE SE-MI ANGST EXCEPT THEY MAKE UP AND GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP AFTER LIKE ONE MORE ARGUMENT WHERE THEY REALIZE THEY BOTH JUST WANT EACH OTHER

anything for bbg, part 3 of that’s so true

Run my hands thru her short dark brown hair.

no warnings, LOWKEY kinda shorttt but it’s okay cause it’s a happy ending

After awhile, Se-mi managed to get the courage and follow you on instagram, she watched herself as her thumb pressed “Follow”, she figured if she reached out first it would mean something to you maybe?

But for you, you couldn’t stop thinking about her, you thought you had moved on for good but I guess your boyfriend was just a distraction sadly.

You thought about more than ever, why did she have to come to your job like that? what made her do that. You wish you could just restart everything as you got a notification, you grabbed your phone looking at it

“Se-mi started following you.”

You read as a small smile creaked up into your face but you quickly stopped remembering everything that had happened, you sighed as you clicked on the app debating to follow her back or not but without thinking you quickly followed her back, you groaned at yourself as you sulked in bed.

You closed your eyes thinking about everything until again another notification interrupted you, you looked at your phone once again as you quickly squealed out.

“Hey y/n..can we talk?”

Was all you read from your phone, she messaged you.. she actually messaged you, it’s crazy to think that SHE would reach out first.

You decided to be a little nonchalant and wait like 2 or 3 minutes before answering, you replied back with “Talk about what?” you simply texted her.

Not long after she sent you another message.

Se-mi: “About what happened, please?”

You: “I guess so..”

Se-mi: “Can we talk in person? I just feel like it’s better to do it in person.”

You: “Fine, where at?”

Se-mi: “My place? if not it’s fine we can always go in public”

You: “No it’s okay i’ll be there in a few”

She hearted your message, as you smiled and let out a breath of relief.

You quickly got up and tried to put something cute, you than drove to her house excitedly as you parked infront of it, but before you went in you took a deep breath making sure you had a nonchalant face not wanting to ruin your cold don’t act.

You knocked on her door as she opened it quickly, “You actually came..” She said with a slight smile, All you did was nod at her as she opened the door wider gesturing you to come in, you walked in everything still familiar.

“Uh let’s go to the couch, do you want a drink or something?” She said, “No i’m fine” you replied, “Uhh i have your favorite?” she smiled a bit at you hoping to cheer you up just a bit, “I’m good.” You said a bit coldly as she sighed a bit and nodded.

Yall went and sat down on her couch which was always comfy but yet you were not going to give in just yet.

“So what did you wanna talk about?” you told her looking at her for a bit.

“I just wanna talk about us..i wanna fix this”

“What is there to fix?” you said back still not breaking your cold act.

“I know what I did was wrong and i regret it.. i really do, and i’m really sorry..I guess I just wanted to act cool infront of..that girl. By embarrassing you and I take back every word I said.” she said boldly as she stared into your eyes.

You stared back at her your gaze softened at her apology wanting to forgive her but not yet.

“Se-mi, i don’t know if I could forgive yo-.” you begin speaking but before you could finish she quickly spoke again.

“I know it’s hard to forgive me but i really am sorry! You have to understand that ever since that day i’ve been thinking about you and I feel so terrible about what i told you and if I could i’ll take it all back! i just wanna start over with you.” she said, “Your honestly everything I want.. and I know i didn’t act like it before but you really are! that night when you confessed to me..i was in denial i really was! but after our second argument just something inside me snapped.. i’m not sure what or even how it happen but y/n..i like you!” she yelled out basically, not once she broke eye contact, this whole time she’s been saying all this, she’s been staring at you.

You were at lost of words as you kinda stared back, you felt your cheeks feel hot as a small shiver ran down your spine, you finally spoke up.

“You like me..?”

Se-mi quickly nodded as she scooted to you a bit more, “And if it’s okay..can i do something?” she said as you turned your head for a moment then looked at her and nodded.

She leaned her head towards yours and kissed you.

You were frozen, you didn’t kiss back or even close your eyes, you sat there feeling her lips on yours, honestly your dream since you probably first met her but you finally came back to your senses and quickly backed up leaving her a bit shocked as she looked at you and gave you a small distance.

“Se-mi..i have a.. boyfriend” you told her, “Fuck..right i forgot, im sorry-.” she said as you cut her off.

You kissed her, she was shocked at first but quickly melted into the kiss, her hands going to your cheeks and rubbing her thumb a bit, lips moving in sync as you finally pulled back, she smiled at you and put her forehead against yours.

“So i’ll take that as you still like me?” she whispered to you as you just nodded, “And your boyfriend?” she spoke again, you sighed “I’ll have to break up with him obviously..” you told her.

“I don’t wanna rush things but..would you maybeeee wanna be my girlfriend? obviously after you break up with him! i mean i totally understand if you want a break!” she said quickly, “Just shut up.. and yes, i’ll be your girlfriend after i break up with him” you told her as you smiled and giggled a bit, she laughed a bit and hugged you as you hugged her back.

And boom just like that, yall started dating.

[zinniajones]

Text of thread at https://kolektiva.social/@zinnia/110418489814171631:

Yes - this is what is happening in Florida due to SB 254, which was signed into law on Tuesday 5/17/2023, taking immediate effect. This immediately cut off 80%+ of adult trans people in Florida from having their HRT refilled, because SB 254 uniquely prohibits only nurse practitioners from prescribing only gender-affirming medications.

This has already been in effect for 7 days now.

Trans adults in Florida have already been cut off from their HRT refills for a week now, including those of us who have been stable on these medications for years or decades.

This is VERY different from the general situation of trans youth care bans in 19 states, many still working their way through the courts.

This has *already* happened, to *all* of us: all trans adults in the third most populous state in the US.

The number of trans adults on HRT massively exceeds the sliver of the population that are under 18 and are prescribed puberty blockers or hormone therapy.

These laws, advanced under the pretext of 'protecting children', are now directly impacting a far larger group of people who are not children and are not subject to those pretextual concerns.

Other arguments about withholding public Medicaid funding for transition treatment also do not apply here: SB 254 does not even allow receiving this care through private insurance or paying cash out of pocket. The care isn't simply not covered - the care itself cannot be provided regardless.

What is happening in Florida requires special attention above the situation of trans youth care bans nationally. This is having a vastly larger impact quantifiably.

It will have worse impacts qualitatively as well: adults are responsible for taking care of and protecting trans kids and making sure they do not hurt themselves.

Whereas as a trans adult, we have no one standing guard at the brink but our own self and the void to which we are accountable.

These are the facts as they stand right now. These are the facts as they have stood for a WEEK and NO ONE nationally is putting any attention on this because there are 19 trans youth care bans all across the country going on, along with everything else targeting trans people and the LGBT community broadly.

This is a specific harm that is happening now and has been happening for 168 hours.

It is not a hypothetical issue to raise awareness of, as if it were at the stage of some proposal that needs to be fought back. This has already happened and is happening right now. Active harm is happening until this law is rolled back.

For all of Florida's history since the inception of the applicable regulatory and licensing bodies, nurse practitioners have been allowed to prescribe hormone therapy, testosterone blockers and other relevant gender-affirming medications.

That has been the case since I moved here in 2011. There was no reason why this wouldn't be the case. It's also the case in every other state.

This new law is a carveout of prescriptions when used for one purpose, gender-affirming care, from nurse practitioners specifically, in a way that has never been done before. It affects all ages.

It has immediately obstructed access to HRT prescription refills for more than 80% of TRANS ADULTS in Florida.

It has also prohibited first appointments for HRT via telehealth with in-state or out-of-state MDs or DOs - first appointments must be in person. This will require expensive and time-consuming travel that is beyond most trans people's means: driving to Georgia from Florida can take 8 hours.

This was an intentional targeting of almost all trans adults in Florida, and the means by which we have received our generic, FDA-approved medications for years. And it included closing every possible door that would let us find another way to keep taking the medications we have taken for...

Well, for me it was 3,891 days when the clock stopped

[hwaslayer]

vivrant thing (jwy) | five.

—SPOTIFY PLAYLIST / SERIES MASTERLIST

—SUMMARY: after getting into a little accident, wooyoung decides to do his sister a favor by pretending to be your date at the company summer party. as soon as the night ends, wooyoung would go back to his usual routine of hanging out with his boys, keeping his distance from committed relationships and being a typical brother to jiwoo. except, the favor comes with more than what wooyoung expects and he finds you occupying his mind more than usual. 

—PAIRING: jung wooyoung x f. reader

—GENRE: (18+ - minors dni) bestfriend’s brother au | fluff, angst, smut

—WORD COUNT: 9k

—CHAPTER CONTENT / WARNINGS: cussing, mature language/sexually implied content, crying, chapter is pretty heavily papa-focused, mentions of illness, the talk happens!!, crying, bbygirl is sad and exhausted but wooyoung tries his best, yes im sorry i had to reference the howl/wooyoung thing, small sweet kisses and affectionate acts, very brief mentions of alcohol consumption / intoxication / hangovers, also very brief mentions of wooyoung's past again, more jiwoo vs. wooyoung (bickering not actual arguments lol), lots of apologies from jiwoo lol sorry if i missed anything!

Something's wrong, and Wooyoung can't figure it out. It's bothering him. As much as he's trying to respect your space, he can't help but worry about you. Especially when you haven't returned any of his texts or calls. He was expecting something, anything by now, so he can't help himself when he sends another text—

wooyoung: are you at work?

you: i'm about to head home.

You only respond because even though you aren't quite ready to face him regarding all of this yet, you don't wanna worry him unnecessarily. But, it still does anyway. Why aren't you at work?

And maybe, he should've asked if it was okay to see you first. It's the anxiety, the panic, within him that isn't letting him rest. He just needed to see you and make sure you were okay after everything that went down. His sister could be a piece of work, and you didn't necessarily have Yeosang to lean onto. Truthfully, you wouldn't be mad if he actually showed up at your door step. He is the comfort you need as much as you'd hate to admit it right now. At the same time, it'd make you a little more sad though, more confused. 

Lo and behold, when you get home from the long night in the hospital, Wooyoung is leaning against the rail; waiting right by your doorstep. You don't question why he's not at work either, but you feel a sense of relief come over you seeing him there. A sense of relief mixed with nervousness. He doesn't say a word, simply cause he's trying to read you. He's trying to figure out if he's the reason why you look so low and tired. If it's his sister, Yeosang. All of the above.

"I don't really have time to talk about this, Wooyoung—" Is all you mutter as you unlock your door and step in.

"Then, we don't have to talk about it right now. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." He slips in and slowly kicks off his shoes, watching the way you drag yourself towards your closet. You're not sure why that's enough to trigger you, but you find yourself starting to tear up. Exhaustion hitting you tough, sadness stemming deep from your gut. Wooyoung can tell, and even if you're trying to be incredibly sneaky about it, he can still hear you quietly sniffing away. "Y/N." He says, forcing you to pause your movements as you continue to cry. "What is it? Whatever it is, let me help."

"Wooyoung, please just go. I need to go back."

"Go back where?" 

"The hospital." You mutter softly.

"The hospital?" He furrows his brows. "Wait, what's going on? Why are you shutting me out?"

"That's a bold question to ask after that everything that's happened." Fuck, Wooyoung thinks. Don't be fucking stupid, Wooyoung.

"You're right, I'm sorry. I'm just—" He pauses, watching as you pack things in your bag before setting it aside and grabbing a new change of clothes. "I'm worried about you."

"Don't be."

"Y/N." He calls you again, and you take this moment to look him in the eye. Everything within you wants to cave when you see him looking down at you the way he is, hand gently tugging at your wrist. He's basically pleading through his eyes, and the only reason why you continue with your next response is because he actually looks like he means it.

"Papa's in the hospital." You softly say.

"W-what?" He stutters. "What happened? He got worse?"

"Kidney infection." Wooyoung sighs. "He's been hiding it, but he's been feeling more than just being tired. The pain got really bad. Super sudden and sharp. He almost went into sepsis cause of the fever he had."

"Shit. Is he okay now?"

"He's stable." You try to brush past him to quickly wash up and change, but he blocks your path.

"Let me take you." You try to move past, yet you're still unsuccessful.

"Wooyoung." 

"I'll take you back—"

"Stop it. I don't need you to. I don't need you to do anything for me. I can handle it." Your response almost makes him flinch. Truthfully, he knows he deserves it. He knows it shouldn't have taken him this long to talk to you, to reach out to you. So, he knows. He's fully aware. It doesn't make it sting less, though.

"I fucked up. I acknowledge that and I'm sorry. There's so many things I can tell you when the time is right. But, for now, please don't shut me out and do this alone. I wanna be here for you." He pauses, every inch of his heart slowly shattering the more he sees the tears constantly staining your cheeks. "Please let me be here for you." You nibble on your bottom lip, shifting your attention away from Wooyoung as you wipe at your tears and try to suck it all up, try to regain composure. Before Wooyoung can even reach out to wipe the stragglers away, you step around him and lock yourself in the bathroom, leaving Wooyoung in the middle of your living room area. You give yourself a good 15 minutes to freshen up and change before meeting him outside again. He sits on the arm of your couch, patiently waiting.

"I just need to grab a few more things."

"Do you need me to help pack some stuff up?"

"It's okay." You pack some clothes and the rest of your necessities in case you'll be able to stay the night again, though you know it's probably a long shot. You hate having to be away from Papa, and now [even more than ever], you feel the need to keep him close. You feel the need to make up for not being there when he needed you the most; the guilt eating you alive.

Once you've finished, you grab yourself a bottle of water and turn to Wooyoung who is now waiting for you near the door. He gives you a small, toothless smile, gently grabbing your bag from you before leading the way out of your studio and to the car.

The drive is so, so incredibly quiet, but Wooyoung understands you need this more than anything right now. The only time he spoke a word was when he asked you which hospital you needed to go to. Otherwise, he let you sit in your peace. He'd look over from time to time, itching to hold your hand, kiss your hand or gently massage your head as a way to affectionately reassure you that things would be okay. Instead, he looks back out to the road and adjusts the heat a bit to make sure you're warm enough— hoping it's enough to provide comfort from a distance.

"You sure you don't wanna stop by for food or coffee? Anything? You should eat."

"I can just eat at the hospital."

"Mmkay." Wooyoung says, pulling into the hospital and straight towards the parking garage. When he pulls into a spot on the second floor and shuts off the car, he immediately steps out to grab your things from the trunk. You walk alongside of him towards the main entrance, checking in with the front desk before slapping on your visitor stickers and heading down the hall. It's quite the journey of twists and turns before you get to Papa's room, and a sense of relief washes over you when you finally arrive. He's sleeping in his bed, TV on to one of his favorite cooking shows.

"Papa." You gently rub at his arm to wake him. He looks up at you with sleepy eyes, mustering all his energy to smile back at you and Wooyoung.

"Y/N, Wooyoung."

"How're you feeling?" Wooyoung asks.

"Better. Not the best yet, but better." Wooyoung nods before turning his attention to you. "Why don't you go eat? I'll stay with Papa." Wooyoung looks at you sympathetically. You simply nod in response, tugging Papa's blanket up before you let him know you'll be stepping out for a few minutes.

"Papa, do you need anything right now?" He shakes his head. "I'll be back then, okay? I'm going to get food." Papa nods sleepily. "Wooyoung is here." You turn back to Wooyoung, who is now sitting in the chair next to his bed. "Want anything?"

"I'm good." He gives you a pursed smile, watching you walk out of the room and down to the cafeteria on the other end of the first floor. After grabbing some toast, a bit of egg and bacon, you order a latte to go with your food. You sit at a table near the window and slowly eat away, scrolling through social media and stumbling upon Jiwoo and Hongjoong's pictures. You like all of them, though the two of you hadn't really talked much since the fight, since she left. Despite all of the commotion, you still sent her a text wishing her a safe trip, in which she replied with a heart reaction. 

You left it at that.

It was hurtful, and you were sad you and Jiwoo were like this. But, you were still optimistic that the two of you would return to your usual ways soon. Besides, you still needed to figure out what was going on between you and Wooyoung.

All of this was a mess.

You feel your bottom lip tremble and you press the back of your finger flat beneath your nose to try and prevent yourself from crying in the cafeteria. When you feel the wave pass, you let out a shaky breath before focusing on finishing your food. Meanwhile, Wooyoung continues to watch the TV while Papa lays next to him, in and out of sleep. At least, that's what he thought until Papa breaks the comfortable silence that had fallen between them.

"Wooyoungie." Papa is barely able to make out, his voice hoarse and tired. Wooyoung is surprised to see him awake right now, only being able to imagine how tired he is.

"Mhm?" Wooyoung tugs his blanket up a little more on the side, returning his attention back up to Papa's face afterwards.

"Take care of my Y/N, hm?" He smiles softly. "My body isn't what it used to be. I'm afraid it'll only get weaker, and at some point, my time will come." Wooyoung's heart drops hearing the statement fall from Papa's lips, though, when he faces the reality, it's only the truth. "Take care of her. Please don't leave her alone."

"I will. I promise I won't leave her side, okay?" Papa lets out a content breath, resting his head back against the pillow. "Although, I think I might've messed up with her."

"You didn't." He pulls another tired smile.

"Pretty sure I did." Wooyoung licks his lips. "I was being stupid."

"You needed time, I assume. It happens to the best of us." 

"Did she.. tell you everything?" Wooyoung asks, afraid of the details Papa might know. And he knows, to some extent. You did tell him that dinner with Yeosang was terrible. You did tell him that you drank a little too much after, that you accidentally texted Wooyoung instead of Jiwoo. You did tell him things 'kinda' escalated. 

And then you apologized profusely while you cried at his bedside for not being there because you got into a fight with Jiwoo over the whole thing with Wooyoung. You cried your sorries nonstop; Papa didn't even know what was more painful to endure: you breaking down and sobbing, or his kidneys going outta wack.

—FLASHBACK

"Papa?" You step inside his apartment and slip out of your shoes, a small smile on your face when you see him watering his plants out on his balcony.

"Hey, there she is." He laughs a bit, putting down his watering pot before placing an arm on his lower back. "Was just watering my plants." He winces a bit as he steps inside and plops onto the couch.

"You okay?"

"Ah, my lower back's been bothering me, but it's not too big of a deal. Probably just need to exercise and stretch more."

"You sure? We can go to the hospital just to get it checked out."

"No, no. No need." He sits back and smiles up at you. "I am sure."

"Okay. I'll brew us some tea? I got us a few pastries from your favorite café." You sit the box down on his coffee table and pop it open, revealing a matcha cream pastry and a fruit danish with seasonal berries [which is Papa's favorite].

"Sounds good. Thank you." You smile at him and start heating up some water before seeping bags of green tea. Papa lets out a content sigh as he flips through his TV and starts watching the news while you prep. "So, wanna tell me how dinner with Yeosang went?" You briefly pause, hearing the electric kettle click and automatically shut off. You take two mugs out from his cabinet and pour the tea into each before dipping the green tea bags. You set them aside for another 3 minutes, grabbing two small plates and utensils for the pastries.

"Well, to be straightforward, it was awkward and terrible."

"Awkward and terrible. That bad?"

"I don't even know if we'll even go back to being the same, Papa."

"I'm sure you will. Just give it some time. It's all fresh so it'll feel weird for a little bit." He looks at you and observes the way you avoid eye contact with him, even while you cut the pastries in half. 

"Mhm." You hum.

"Something else happen?"

"Why do you say that?" You pass him his plate and utensils, still avoiding eye contact.

"You're avoiding your old man." He chuckles and you briefly look at him before shaking your head and returning your attention to the matcha cream pastry on your plate. "You were never a liar, so it's easy to tell when you're not exactly telling the truth and covering up."

"I don't know."

"You can tell me when you're ready."

"I am ready. I just don't know how to say it."

"You know I'd never judge you."

"I know, I know." You sit back on your knees before looking up at him. "Hm. After the dinner, I went to the convenience store near my house and drank some soju to get my mind off of dinner with Yeosang. Plus, I dunno, I didn't feel as satisfied so I grabbed some snacks. I got a pretty tipsy again and ended up accidentally texting Wooyoung instead of Jiwoo. He came to my rescue. We hung out at my apartment and um." Your bottom lip pokes out. "Things kinda just.. happened." Papa nods slowly.

"Ahhh." The response is somewhat elongated.

"I know, it's awful."

"No, it's not. But, why do you seem sad or upset about it?"

"Because I dunno where this leads us. We haven't talked. I haven't even told Jiwoo yet either and I know she won't take it well. That'll probably ruin our friendship, too." You sigh. "I'm just losing my friends one by one."

"Don't say that. They love you and care for you as much as you do. Fights will happen but it won't compare to the strong foundations you've built." He pauses. "Where do you want the whole thing with Wooyoung to lead you?" You shrug.

"Is it dumb to say that I like Wooyoung? It all started from the party and—" You let out a frustrated sigh. "I know he probably doesn't feel the same." And that's the issue for you.

"You don't know that. Maybe he needed time to form his thoughts, Y/N." You look at Papa blankly. "People who have feelings will often need time to form their words. It's too deep for them to understand quickly so they dissect carefully. Especially if they don't wanna mess things up. Give him some time before you overthink and start jumping to conclusions. Can you do that for me? Wooyoung wouldn't just leave you without answers like that."

"I guess, ya." Is all you say, shaking it off before you start crying in front of him. "Anyway, tea is ready. I'll go grab it and we can watch your favorite movies?"

"Sounds good to me." He chuckles a bit, though deep down he is a little worried about you. Himself. He's been feeling off lately, and after this, the last thing he wants to do is worry you more. 

He just hopes whatever he's been feeling will pass so it'll be one less thing on your plate.

—END

"She didn't have to tell me specifics." Wooyoung nods. "Do you find yourself feeling any different about her now that time has passed? You can tell me and it'll be safe between us."

"I like her. A lot." He does a slight head tilt. "Wouldn't blame her if she didn't feel the same, though. I handled it poorly."

"My girl's got a big heart." Papa chuckles a bit. "I know she feels the same about you, or else she wouldn't have been sulking over it." He lightly teases, making the heat rise to Wooyoung's cheeks. "Just promise me you'll take care of it. You'll take care of her?"

"I'm sorry. It was my fault in the first place. But, you have my word. I will. I'm gonna make things right after this."

"I trust you." Papa holds out his hand for Wooyoung to take, and he does. He holds it tightly, giving it a squeeze.

"For now, she still needs you, too. Promise me you'll take care of yourself?"

"I know, I should, huh? Might need you to be my personal trainer." Wooyoung laughs a bit.

"I think you're stronger and way more knowledgeable than me."

"Should we arm wrestle when I get a little better?"

"Sure, I'll let you hurt my feelings just once. I deserve it." Papa laughs just before shutting his eyes to rest again. The nurse comes in to give Papa his breakfast and meds, greeting Wooyoung as she sets it up on the table. As soon as she instructs Papa to eat his porridge and take his medicine right after, you walk in and greet her with a small smile on your face. You speak to her to check on any new updates regarding Papa and she reassures you that everything seems to be fine. If he continues to improve and remain stable within the next day or two, she thinks he can go home sooner than later.

"Do you think I can stay here again with him tonight?" You're holding a pastry in a bag and a cold, bottled americano for Wooyoung in your hands. "I-I just don't know if I can leave him alone here." The nurse looks at you sympathetically and shakes her head, her hand on your wrist.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N. I wish I could bend the rules even more for you, but we can't allow visitors to stay for another night. I promise he's in good hands, okay? And as soon as the morning comes, you're more than welcome to come back." You sigh and nod, trying to be understanding of the rules. You knew this would be the outcome, but mentally preparing ahead of time doesn't make you any less sad. Nervous. Anxious.

"No, it's okay. I understand. Thank you." She gives you another sympathetic smile.

"Call me if you need anything, okay? I'm here until visiting hours end tonight." You nod, watching as she walks out, leaving the three of you in the room. You hand Wooyoung his food and drink, pulling the table with Papa's food and medicine over.

"You didn't have to."

"You should eat, too." You look at him before looking at the food and unwrapping it. "Papa, you ready to eat? You gotta take your medicine soon so you can sleep a little more."

"I could eat." You chuckle a bit while Wooyoung helps him sit up properly. 

After Papa eats and drinks his medicine, he continues to fall in and out of sleep due to the exhaustion from everything that happened over the past day and overnight. The pain seems to be managed well, and the treatment plan that the doctor has him on seems to be working. It was caught at a time before things could get too deep and severely irreversible, so you're grateful for that despite the pain Papa had gone through. In between his naps, you and Wooyoung would talk about the show on TV or go on quick walks around the hospital before coming back to the room. The only time Wooyoung leaves your side is to briefly buy some food at the convenience store across the street, grabbing you an egg salad sandwich and some iced tea per your request, and grabbing himself a few other snacks in case you wanted some, too.

Which, as he expected, you ended up stealing his chips and mochi. You only left him with a bite of his favorite strawberry mochi, but he couldn't even be mad when you looked at him with wide-eyes, powder around your lips after taking the majority of the damn thing into your mouth. All he could do was sigh, suppressing the want to tease you and tickle you until you surrender [or kick him in the balls accidentally, whichever comes first].

When evening hits, you make sure Papa gets a good amount of his dinner in before taking his medication and drinking lots of water. It hurts you to leave him alone for the night, but you know he'll be coming home soon and you'll be able to spend as much time as possible with him then. You squeeze his hand and hold back your tears, reassuring him you'll be back in the morning before dragging yourself out of his room when visiting hours ends. Wooyoung trails behind, hand rubbing at your back gently as he guides you back to the car.

The ride back home is equally as silent as the drive over to the hospital, and Wooyoung is having trouble figuring out when he can talk to you about everything going on between you and him. No time ever feels like the right time, but Wooyoung knows he has to do this instead of pushing it off even more. 

"Wooyoung?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for driving me and for staying with me today." 

"It's nothing."

"It's a lot, and I really appreciate it." He looks over with a tiny smile before pulling up to your street. It's obvious Wooyoung wants to say more and you know what it is, but the assumption doesn't get solidified until he breaks the silence again; you're not entirely sure how to feel with where this is going.

Anxious? Afraid of what he might actually say to you about everything?

"Y/N." Wooyoung calls for you just as he parks his car and shuts it off. "Can we talk now please? It probably won't feel like the right time, but I'd really like to before the night ends. I don't want another day to pass like this." You look at him, hand tugging on the sleeve of your sweater as you nod.

"Okay." Wooyoung looks at you and gives you a small smile.

"Let me start off by saying I'm sorry about the way things happened. I was fucking stupid and I shouldn't have left you that morning. Truthfully, I just didn't know how to put my feelings into words because it's never been this way for me. I know it sounds cliché, but I really don't know how else to explain it. I just.. I like you. A lot. I have a lot of feelings for you and it was scary for me because it happened quick, and I wasn't sure if you felt the same. I know I should've just said it to avoid all of this in the first place, but clearly I'm bad at it." He chuckles nervously before shaking his head. "Um, anyway—I'm rambling. I'm sorry." He repeats, soft dark brown eyes on you. "Point is, I like you and there's nothing else I've been more sure of. I hope I didn't mess this up already, but I'd understand if you wanted nothing to do with me. I didn't treat you the way you should have been treated that morning, and I'm sorry for making you feel that way in the first place." His voice falls lowly, Wooyoung trying to stomach his nervousness for your response. He watches as you fiddle with your fingers before you look up at him.

"I appreciate the apology. I'm not gonna lie, it was hurtful Wooyoung. And it didn't make it any better that your sister was in my face with the 'i told you so.'" You sigh.

"I'm sorry, I know. That was never my intention, Y/N. And if you wanna do this with me, we can take this slow so that I can show you. Because I never wanna make you feel that way again."

"I feel the same way and I do want this with you, Wooyoung. I'm just scared."

"I know, and that's completely valid. But, I promise you that you can trust me to take care of you from here on out, okay? We don't have to rush into anything and just take it as it comes. But, I'm here with you no matter what. Nothing will change that." You slowly nod, the feelings slightly becoming overwhelming. 

"Okay." Is all you respond with. You're feeling happy, relieved, but also scared, anxious. It might just be everything that's been happening with Papa, but it feels good to know you aren't entirely alone. Because even if you didn't wanna admit it before, you were afraid of being alone. Despite your friends being with you over the years, there was always a sense of loneliness that was hidden in the corner of your mind. Loneliness without your parents. Loneliness without a person, your person. You tried not to look at it this way because you weren't really lacking anywhere and still had love coming from different avenues. But, you also can't lie and say you didn't think about it and how it'd feel to have your parents, or someone to call yours genuinely and wholly.

"And Jiwoo.." Wooyoung does a slight head tilt. "I won't apologize on her behalf, but whatever she said about me, I can't lie and say it isn't true. You know I haven't been the best in the past, but you mean more to me than that and I'm trying to do better this time around. It's not gonna be perfect but know that I'm trying." He lets out a breath. "She'll come around soon, too. I know you're worried about her. You know how Jiwoo is."

"I hope so."

"I'll try and talk to her."

"It's okay. I think I just need to sit her down and open up to her about all of this." He nods.

"We're okay then?"

"Yeah." You manage to push the rest of your feelings back momentarily when Wooyoung leans over to place a chaste kiss on your forehead. For a second, things do feel okay.

"Come on, let's get you upstairs. Been a long day for you." You nod. Wooyoung grabs your bag from the trunk, following closely behind you as you walk up to your studio. You still seem rather quiet and although he's happy the talk is done with and you two are okay, he can tell something else is bothering you. It isn't long before he finds out because as soon as you enter your studio, you let out a heavy sigh and drop your purse to the floor. You stand in the center, suddenly breaking down into your hands when the feeling gets immensely overwhelming, almost unbearable.

"Y/N." Wooyoung says, close to a whisper. He comes from behind and gently wraps his arms around you before turning you to face him. He pries your hands away from your face, thumbs softly coming to wipe your tears away. "Baby, hey. It's gonna be okay." He shushes you as you rest against his chest, crying and wetting his shirt. "Baby." He repeats at a whisper, shushing and cooing you in his arms. "What is it? What's bothering you?" He tenderly kisses your tears away, thumb caressing your cheeks while he looks at you with a small frown on his face.

"What if they didn't get there in time, Woo? What if he had been one minute late—" Wooyoung tuts and rests against the back of the couch, pulling you in between his legs. He continues to wipe your tears away, shaking his head.

"But, none of that happened, okay? None of that happened. You don't need to worry about that because he's still here. He's recovering and you've been there with him every step of the way. That's all that matters. He's gonna get better, he already is. He'll be better tomorrow and the next day, and so on." You sigh, looking at him before nodding. 

"I can't lose him right away."

"You won't. I promise. He's still strong and he'll get through this." He brushes the hair away from your face. "It's gonna be okay." He repeats.

"Sorry."

"Don't be, love. Why don't you get comfortable, hm? We can hang out here and watch another Studio Ghibli movie."

"Will you stay?" You ask him softly, watching as he presses a kiss to the surface of your hand.

"Of course I will, Y/N. I'm just gonna grab some stuff from my place, but I'll make it quick and come back."

"Okay." You answer, voice dipping close to a whisper. Wooyoung pulls you closer, pressing a light kiss to your lips before standing. As you grab your pajamas, Wooyoung gets a hot shower started for you, tossing a bit of your lavender epsom salt onto the shower floor to help relax you. He reassures you again that he'll be quick before shutting the bathroom door and heading out. You give yourself time to just be under the hot water, letting it ease and relax your body while you cry out all your worries and concerns— letting them all go so that you can find some peace for the time being.

Maybe the universe will take the rest into its own hands.

After taking your time in the shower, you step out and do your nightly routine— carefully lathering the lotion across your body before working on your skincare. You throw on your red flannel pajama shorts and step into a vintage Disneyland crewneck before walking out to light up some candles and search for a good movie. It's not until about 15 mins later that Wooyoung comes through the door, holding a brown bag in hand; duffle bag slung on his shoulder while he's also [apparently] sporting red flannel pajamas and a black Stussy hoodie.

"Copycat." Wooyoung points to your red flannel pajamas as you watch him show you his own hiding underneath his sweats.

"Excuse, I threw these on first."

"What if I got to my apartment before you stepped out?" Wooyoung cocks a brow up, making you roll your eyes in return. He snorts and rushes to hold you from behind, kissing you on the cheek. "It does look better on you, though."

"I thought so." He chuckles a bit before pointing at the bag. "So, I might've made a pitstop to the McDonald's drive-thru because I was craving a shrimp burger and some fries. I got you the chicken sandwich. With a side order for their special sauce?" He says in a questioning tone. "And fries!"

"How'd you remember?"

"Please, I've only had to do the order for you and Jiwoo a million times over the years." You giggle.

"Thank you, Woo." He sets his bag down and slips out of his sweats to walk around in his flannel pajamas before coming over to you in the living room.

"No problem." He points at your hair. "You can get sick." He crinkles his forehead at you before walking into your bathroom and grabbing your hair dryer hanging off of the organizer you have. He takes one of your wide-toothed combs and plops back onto the couch.

"Wooyoung." You look at him as you take the food out of the bag and set it on the coffee table. "You don't have to dry my hair."

"Well, I know you won't and I don't want you to get sick. I don't mind. Come." He pats the area in between his legs. Once you've set the empty bag aside, he sits you in between his legs before plugging the dryer into your extension cord. He switches it to the low heat setting, taking the blow dryer to your hair as he gently combs through. You set the TV onto Howl's Moving Castle, picking at your fries as Wooyoung continues to patiently dry your hair. "You can eat." He says over the noise. You hold up a fry for him to take in his mouth, continuing his motions until your hair is mostly dry, a few strands still damp but not too wet. "There." He says, shutting it off and gently combing through your hair.

"Thank you." He chuckles before neatly tying the cord the way you had it done earlier and slipping out from behind you to put it back in the bathroom. You've moved back onto the couch with your burger box in hand, pressing play to the movie as Wooyoung sits down.

"Yoooo." He smiles. "This is one of my favorites!" You look at him with your eyes squinted. "What?"

"You know, since you started growing out your hair, I knew you looked like someone but I could never put my finger on who exactly. And now it makes sense."

"What?" He repeats.

"You look like Howl." He blushes and does his high-pitched giggle, making you snort in response.

"You mean that?"

"Shut up. You just wanna hear it."

"I do." He pouts.

"I'll change it."

"I mean go for it, you can always look at him here on your couch." He wiggles his eyebrows.

"Wooyoung." You whine, flipping to Grave of the Fireflies.

"Baby." It's his turn to whine. He'd probably kick his feet and cry about it if he truly wanted to. "Why'd you turn it?! I heard this is hella sad!"

"Then, we'll cry together this time! A core bonding moment." You press play.

"Sassy." He looks at you. "I just wanna remind you that you ate my favorite mochi earlier." Wooyoung reminds you and you sigh.

"I already said sorry!" He laughs.

"I'm just teasing."

"Do you really not wanna watch this?"

"No, I do! I don't mind. I just thought the reminder would help since hours passed." You roll your eyes.

"I'm just gonna buy you another one tomorrow." 

"I'm kidding. Honestly." Wooyoung laughs. "You know what I could take instead?" You cock a brow up.

"Dare I even answer?"

"Too late, I'll take that as an answer." He puckers his lips. "I'll never bring it up again." He says in between. You giggle and succumb to his wants, quickly pecking him on the lips that leaves him smiling in a daze. "I'll never get tired of that." You shake your head and press play, the both of you finally eating away at your food as the movie gets on to a start without interruptions. 

You finish your food within the first 15 minutes, not realizing how hungry you were for good, sloppy comfort food. Wooyoung surprisingly remains quiet for a majority, only making noises and reacting to specific scenes. Eventually, the food coma hits you and you find yourself switching positions until you're snuggled up to Wooyoung. He takes the outer end of the couch while you lay on his chest from the inside. The blanket you leave hanging on the arm of the couch is now draped over you two, Wooyoung's arm around you to keep you close. When the movie hits the last 20 minute mark, Wooyoung starts spilling out his thoughts, but finds that your responses get more and more delayed as time goes on.

"Mhm." You answer late, causing Wooyoung to look down at you. You're damn near falling asleep on him, and it doesn't help that Wooyoung feels incredibly warm. Comfortable. He laughs a bit to himself before gently shaking your shoulder and pressing another kiss to your forehead.

"Falling asleep there?"

"Just wanna rest my eyes for like.. 5 minutes." You mumble, with Wooyoung carrying on to finish the rest of the movie by himself. Suddenly, his phone starts vibrating on the coffee table, making him swoop it up in a haste to avoid waking you up from your so-called 5-min nap.

"Ay!" Wooyoung rests the phone on his ear, regretting it as soon as San's loud ass voice comes through on the other end.

"The fuck are you so loud for?" Wooyoung says lowly, hoping this doesn't wake you.

"Kinda drunk. Wanna head out? We're gonna head to the bars!"

"Uh, nah." Wooyoung looks down while you shift in your position, snugging closer to him. "I'm good."

"What?" San laughs. "You're turning down bar hopping? For what?"

"Just cause. Plus, it's the weekday. You're gonna be so fucked tomorrow."

"Wow, that's new." San snorts. "Are you with Y/N or something?"

"Yeah. She's asleep."

"So, you won't even head out for a bit while she's asleep?"

"No, dude. I'm not gonna leave her." There's a silence that falls between them before San is clearing his throat.

"I get it. Okay then! Well, we'll be at our usuals if you change your mind."

"Probably not. But, have fun and be safe." 

"Thanks!" He says before he mumbles something to the rest of the group and hangs up the call. Wooyoung wraps up the movie and switches it to a college basketball documentary that's playing on the TV, only making it about 15 minutes more before he finds himself getting sleepy.

"Y/N." Wooyoung calls for you before he can fall asleep completely. "Let's get ready for bed so we can sleep." You let out a small whine before rubbing at your face, sitting up as Wooyoung follows suit. You sleepily waddle over to the bathroom to brush and floss your teeth with one eye barely open. You quickly check the clock outside, seeing that it's only about 11pm but it feels late. You feel exhausted. Wooyoung is tossing the trash away before wiping down your coffee table, shutting off the TV before grabbing his things from his bag. You quickly pee and wash your hands before walking over to the bed and letting Wooyoung take over the bathroom. 

The entire studio is dark at this point besides the bathroom light seeping from under the door in the corner, and for once, the dark doesn't seem so frightening, so lonely. 

So cold.

For once, the dark is soothing, is peaceful. For once, the dark is warmth because Wooyoung will be there no matter which direction you turn. You crawl under your covers, scooting towards the inside of your bed to make room for Wooyoung. He takes about 10 minutes before he shuts off the light and heads over to join you. He sheds off his hoodie and tosses it aside, slipping under the covers in his pajama pants and white tee. You continue to face him as he settles, his hand coming to your side to pull you a little closer.

"Wooyoung."

"Yeah, babygirl?"

"You know you don't have to stay at the hospital tomorrow, right? I'd be okay if you just dropped me off." He shakes his head.

"No, I don't mind. I'll stay."

"You sure?" You yawn.

"Mhm. I want to."

"You're gonna be so fired." He laughs.

"I've got hours, don't worry."

"Thank you."

"Stop thanking me, love. I'm only trying to take care of you properly." You sleepily smile at him while he kisses the tip of your nose. "We should probably sleep since we need to be up early tomorrow." You nod, his hand giving your side a squeeze. You initiate the kiss this time, feeling comfortable yet bold enough to give him a goodnight kiss. He holds it for a second longer before parting, chasing after your lips quickly after. You giggle when he starts to repeatedly kiss you and smiling into the kiss, almost having trouble prying himself off of you. "Okay, okay." He laughs. "Goodnight, pretty girl."

"Goodnight, Woo." You welcome yourself into his arms and almost fall asleep immediately, his arms feeling like home to you.

The next morning comes, and you and Wooyoung are off to the hospital about 30-mins after visiting hours begin. You found it hard to sleep fully throughout the night, anxious and scared a call from the hospital would come through about changes in Papa's status. But, thankfully, none of the sort happened, and Wooyoung did his best to keep you comfortable throughout the night by whispering his reassurances against your head.

Through sweet, gentle touches and squeezes. 

To your relief, Papa looks brighter and more alert when you walk in. He's already slowly going through his oatmeal, the morning news on the TV screen. He smiles when he sees the both of you walk in, loosely hand-in-hand. You happily walk over to Papa and hug him, sitting on the edge of his bed while you place a hand on his forehead.

"How'd you sleep?" You ask, his temp feeling way better than the past days.

"Good! I was in a deep sleep." You laugh.

"No pain or anything?" He shakes his head. "Good. Everything seems to be working. You might be outta here tomorrow!"

"I just might." He chuckles. "The nurse said she was gonna come back and wash me up. Was hoping to get me up and walking around to get some movement in, too."

"That's a good idea. Let's go on a walk later." Wooyoung says as he sits on the chair by his bed. You nod in agreement, watching as Papa continues to eat away at his oatmeal and fruits. 

"Do you need to go home?"

"Mm." Wooyoung looks at his phone. "I was going to just to make some food for us."

"You should go. We'll be fine."

"You sure?"

"Yes." You give him a look, and he can't help but return the look in a playful manner.

"I'll go in a bit, but I'll be quick when I do." He tugs on your hand. "Come sit and relax." You sit in the empty chair next to Wooyoung. You continue to ask Papa about his night and if the doctor visited this morning. He says yes, sharing the optimism from the doctor despite the fact that he'll have to make a few lifestyle changes moving forward. You share in the excitement, agreeing that Papa looks way better and seems to be progressing back to his old self. You and Wooyoung let him know that you'll be there every step of the way, making sure those changes are implemented smoothly. Papa starts to tell you about his dream, and how he was hiking up a tall mountain without any issue. At the end of the trail was a beautiful view of a city, but he couldn't pinpoint where exactly. He describes all the pretty flowers blossoming on his way to the top, the sky clear and blue. He jokes about how he hopes he can make it come true soon, even if its a local hike. You chuckle, telling him he needs to take it easy for awhile until he fully regains strength and he remains stable for a good period. Wooyoung chimes in, volunteering to join him when that time comes.

When the conversation settles, Wooyoung takes this as an opportunity to head out so he can come back right away. He heads back to his apartment to whip up a good lunch and dinner [along with whatever snacks are lying around] to pack up for the two of you to grub on. While he occupies himself with food prep, he calls San to check on him and to ask him how the night went. As expected, his bestfriend is hung over as shit at work, groaning and complaining about how he drank too much and should've paced himself knowing he had work. Wooyoung laughs at him over the phone, giving him his own version of an 'i told you so' before San lowly cusses him out. He asks about you and Papa and if everything seems to be better. Wooyoung lets him know that Papa's improved, and that he was able to talk everything out with you. There's another silence that falls between them and it's because San simply isn't used to this Wooyoung. He's used to the Wooyoung that was a 'lil shit, playing his game and being up and about no matter what the time or day was. He's used to the Wooyoung that wasn't messing with serious relationships and the Wooyoung that had to give the 'i think you should go' talk after every fuck. Or the 'it was never supposed to get this serious' talk when the girls would find themselves talking to him about feelings.

It's just been a long, long time since San has seen this Wooyoung, and quite frankly, he wasn't sure if he would ever see it again. But, don't get him wrong. He is happy for you two, and it's almost like fresh air hearing Wooyoung talk about you the way he does. He's gonna have to get used to seeing less and less of him, and that's fine— as long as Wooyoung was genuinely happy.

RIP to those days, though. It was fun while it lasted!

Once Wooyoung finally finishes whipping up some food and packing it away, he grabs a few other necessities; fully expecting to be with you tonight so that he can help you with Papa's potential release tomorrow. He's glad he told work he'd be out for the week. Even though it was a bit last minute, he does have a shit ton of PTO and sick hours accumulated that he doesn't mind using if it meant he'd be with you.

God, he really fucking likes you. 

So much that Wooyoung finds a 'lil pep in his step walking back to his car, plopping the bag of food right onto his passenger's seat— buckling it up to keep it safe and steady. He blasts his music out of the parking lot, Mr. Donnell Jones coming through on his speakers with U Know What's Up. He sings along until he's rudely interrupted by a call coming through from his sister.

"Damn, Jiwoo. You couldn't call any other time?" Wooyoung clicks his teeth. "What is it?"

"I just got back to my apartment from the airport, jeez. Can I swing by?"

"No. I just left."

"Then do you think you can stop by really quickly? I got you a few things from Japan." Which, as we've learned, is Jiwoo's way of apologizing without having to flat out apologize to her brother. Wooyoung rolls his eyes and lets out a sigh, shaking his head as if she can see him.

"Can't either."

"Why not?"

"Because. I'm on the way to the hospital."

"Uh. For what?"

"Well, while you were too busy being all upsetti-spaghetti, Papa's been in the hospital."

"What? Why didn't Y/N tell me anything?! Oh my god—"

"Jiwoo, if I were her, I would not be thinking about you first either." Wooyoung furrows his brows as he continues to drive off. "Besides, you being the good ol' bestfriend you are, kicked her outta your place, remember? I don't think she necessarily feels like she can come to you right now."

"Fuck." Jiwoo whines, feeling guilty about everything. She knows she was a tad too harsh, and she knows she should've come to you first. But, she was waiting until she could see you in person to apologize for the way she acted. "Which hospital?"

"SNU."

"I'll be there soon with Joong." 

"Don't come if you plan on yelling some more."

"I'm not! I need to see my bestfriend, Wooyoung. You can't have her to yourself."

"Can't hear you—" With that, Wooyoung abruptly ends the call. He drives into the garage and finds a spot on the third level, carrying the bag of food he made in his hand before making the trek over to Papa's room. 

"You're back." Your eyes twinkle when you see him walk in and he can't help but smile.

"That, I am." He presses a kiss to your temple. "I made some food for lunch and dinner. Or else my groceries were gonna go bad."

"Wow, okay chef." You laugh. "Thank you, Woo." 

"Mhm." He responds in a sing-song tone before turning to Papa, who is now coming out of the bathroom with his nurse. "He's up."

"He is!" She answers.

"Am I allowed to take him on a walk and get some steps in?"

"No, please. Go for it. Thank you." The nurse steps aside to let Wooyoung guide Papa and the IV pole out into the hallway. The nurse watches them until they head out, returning her attention back to you once they leave.

"Is that your boyfriend?"

"Mm. A friend that's a boy?" You tease with a small laugh. She gets it though, and she knows. You didn't even have to say it because she can clearly see it through Wooyoung's actions alone.

"Well, he seems to care a lot about you and your grandfather. It's very sweet."

"He is." You give her a toothless smile. "Thank you for taking care of him. I really appreciate it."

"No problem. He's been good, so I'm more than sure he'll be out of here tomorrow." You nod, watching as she walks out of the room. You sit back and look through the bag Wooyoung brought, giggling to yourself when there's a whole bag of sour punch straws and other random snacks surrounding the tupperwares. You pick at the tiny bag of biscoff cookies, nibbling onto one as you sit back and catch up on one of the podcasts you actively follow. 

Just as Wooyoung and Papa come back into the room about 30 minutes later, you scurry off to the bathroom down the hall. At this point, Jiwoo and Hongjoong barely miss you as they turn the corner and approach the room. Wooyoung is helping Papa get situated properly back in the bed post-walk, the two talking about the episode from his cooking show that's currently playing on TV. When he turns towards the door and catches Jiwoo'a figure, he gives her a small nod of acknowledgement.

"Joong, I think an intruder snuck in with you." Jiwoo rolls her eyes while Hongjoong laughs it off, the two of them formally greeting Papa and checking in with him. Jiwoo looks around the room, making sure she hasn't missed you before turning to her brother.

"Where'd she go?"

"Bathroom." Wooyoung gives his sister a particular look. 

"Don't give me that look." She pouts a bit and he shrugs.

"What else am I supposed to do?" Is all he says before you appear in the doorway, pausing in your steps when you noticed the additional visitors in the room.

"Oh. Hi—" Jiwoo comes rushing over, pulling you into the biggest bear hug known to man. At first, you're caught off guard even though this has happened during silly little one-off fights with Jiwoo in the past. But, once you've gotten over the initial feeling, you slowly wrap your arms around her and rest in her hold.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N. I really am so sorry. I shouldn't have done all of that, I shouldn't have yelled and kicked you out— I'm so sorry." She mumbles against you. "You must've felt so alone. I'm sorry. I wanted to wait until I saw you in person again but Wooyoung told me Papa was here so I had to come. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten so angry and said those things—" She continues to repeat until she's basically sobbing in your arms, the three men in the back minding their own business and giving you two space.

"It's fine, Jiwoo. Stop apologizing."

"No, it's not." She pulls back and looks at you with a pout, brushing your hair back. "I treated you so poorly and unfairly and I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. I probably would've reacted the same way if I was in your shoes. It's fine. We're okay."

"Are you sure we are? I promise I'll make it up to you."

"Stop that. You don't need to, okay? I promise we're fine." She lets out a sigh and examines your features, somewhat relieved you don't seem too exhausted or stressed from everything going on.

"Are you and my brother good? Did you talk it out?"

"We did."

"So, is this a thing now?" She points between you and him, and you nod timidly.

"Y-yeah. It is. I hope you're not mad."

"I'm not. I'm only slightly grossed out just cause it's Wooyoung, but I'm not mad. You just let me know if he messes up ever again, okay? I'm sorry, Y/N. And wait, don't think about replacing me with him either." You snort, shaking your head at her. She hugs you tightly again before holding your hand and bringing you to the gift bags she set aside at the corner of the room. She hands you and Papa a gift bag, while shoving Wooyoung's his way. Her and Hongjoong tell you a little bit about the trip, but they don't go into too much detail before they start asking about Papa and how he had been feeling. As the conversation continues, Jiwoo notices the way Wooyoung completely changes around you [in a good way]. He's got you on his lap, hand gently caressing your arm. It looks so natural and so.. meant to be [and so not out of place] that Jiwoo can't even be mad or find a reason to justify her past actions. He cares about you, and you with him.

All she's ever wanted was for you to be happy, for Wooyoung to be genuinely happy. She's not gonna lie— it does melt her heart a bit to see it live.

They hang around for a good hour or so before Jiwoo and Hongjoong give Papa some time to rest; Wooyoung offering to walk them back to the car while you stay behind and sit with him as he falls into an afternoon nap. Hongjoong quickly runs over to the bathroom, leaving Jiwoo and her brother alone momentarily.

"You really care about her." Jiwoo says softly.

"Yeah, I do." He stuffs his hands in his pockets and kicks at the imaginary rocks below his feet.

"Don't fuck this up, okay?" She looks at him. "Seriously, I'll beat your ass if you hurt her."

"I won't, Jiwoo." He says, slightly annoyed. But, he knows she means well and is just being your bestfriend. "Could help if you had a little more hope in me, you know?"

"Okay. I'm sorry." She sighs. "So, what are your plans with her? You haven't asked her out officially, right?"

"Well, that's why I'm gonna take her out on a date once Papa's out and better."

"To where?"

"To mind your own business, that's where." He looks at her with a brow cocked up and she rolls her eyes.

"Idiot." He snorts.

"Actually.. I have a few ideas but there's this one I really like. Think she might have fun and enjoy it with me."

—TAGLIST: @asjkdk @interweab @woojirang @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs @persphonesorchid @mxnsxngie @jycas @cowboydk @heyitsmetonid @ldysmfrst @intaksfav @wooyoungsbrat @hyukssunflower @yunhoswrldddd @gotthicbish @thespiffynerd @jaytheatiny @yoonrixx @aurorajoye @i-love-ateez @starrywoo @bitejoongie @thedistractedwriter @dalsuwaha @huachengsbestie01

[the-littlest-goblin]

Something that's stuck with me from the Arch Heart's appearance, which highlights a major underpinning of my frustration with C3, is the "Big Doors don't work" comment.

In what way exactly is the Big Door not working?

The purpose of the Divine Gate was to mitigate the gods exerting undo influence on mortal affairs, and according to everything we've seen in all 3 campaigns up to this point, this was a demonstrable success: the Calamity ended, and despite multiple potentially world-ending catastrophes cropping up since then, it has been up to mortals to deal with these threats. They've often done so with divine aid, but I fail to see how that's overreaching on the gods' part when accepting said aid is still dependent on mortal choice.*

Part of the Arch Heart's reasoning for wanting to "let go" is, as I understand it, because mortals continue to rebel against and resent the gods even from behind the Divine Gate. Which, yes they do, but like... the customer is not always right. Not every complaint needs to be catered to, especially the ones based on faulty postulates.

I get that this is not how the Arch Heart is thinking about it; my issue is not with the roleplay of individual characters, but with the narrative whole and the sheer amount of time it has spent, both in the text and extra-textual framing, sincerely entertaining the base axioms of an argument that is so poorly constructed Ludinus wouldn't make it past round one of a middle school debate club. None of the anti-god arguments have given any tangible evidence for the claim that the gods are an oppressive force or that Exandria would be better off without them that is not either:

A. Aeor, which was pre-Divine Gate and in fact the catalyst for the gods to pull back on interfering with mortal affairs, and therefore not all that pertinent to the current status quo;

or B. an event or action that, while it may be done in the name of the gods (e.g. Hearthdell) or directly encouraged by a god (e.g. Opal and the Crown) is nonetheless still contingent on mortals making choices, and therefore not a convincing argument that the gods are infringing on free will,** nor that removing them would prevent these types of situations.

An ongoing motif of C3 has been showing perspectives which challenge the prevailing narrative about the gods as established within Exandria's lore to this point. As a story enjoyer, I normally would eat up this sort of reversal—I love a metatextual play with in-universe narratives. But to do so convincingly requires more substance than a handful of characters going 'Trust me bro.' I'm going to need to see some peer-reviewed studies on Exandrian metaphysics before I take Ludinus "17 ulterior motives stacked in a wizard robe" Da'leth's word over what I've seen with my own brain over thousands of hours worth of game play.

If the message of the narrative is telling me to question the diegetic information it presents, then I am going to do just that. So far every argument that the gods do more harm than good for Exandria has been rampant citationless behavior. I find it baffling and borderline infuriating that we're approaching the denouement of this campaign and I still have yet to see evidence that the core conflict of the story, the central debate which has plagued every in-game and fandom discussion for a year now, is based on an actual problem. Like, at all.

*If you think Vax did not exercise his own agency and free will in every step of becoming Champion of the Matron, you are simply wrong.

**For real, we know there are magical means of straight-up mind control in Exandria. Like, you don't have to approve of it, but the gods engaging in standard issue verbal manipulation does not constitute a violation of free will, and it certainly doesn't make the argument that they are so immeasurably more powerful than mortals that they should not be allowed to exist.

[metanarrates]

there are a LOT of things you can speculate about regarding what twsa was actually like as a novel but what's most interesting to me is that you can make the argument that twsa was an "unpolished" version of what orv is. it's a version of a similar novel that likely dealt with a lot of similar themes but was seemingly bogged down by poor structure, pacing, expository handling, and focus. (all of which are things that orv is shockingly excellent at.)

and of course, han sooyoung's novel, sssss-grade infinite regressor, is the "polished" version of the idea. it's well-written, probably well-plotted, and was successful enough to make han sooyoung rich and famous. we don't know what sssss-grade infinite regressor is like as a novel either, but we sort of get the impression that it's not very emotionally rich even if it is good on a technical level. han sooyoung herself doesn't seem intensely attached to it despite being proud of her work, and kim dokja of course doesn't hold it in high regard. (though of course he's a gigantic unreliable narrator and also a hater.)

what's interesting is that despite orv very strongly emphasizing the ways these works are flawed from the outset, orv itself functions as an argument in these works' favor. both twsa and infinite regressor are stand-ins for the "mass-produced" genre of webnovels. they are popular fiction, relying on a very familiar pool of tropes and clichés in order to deliver on a relatively predictable story to appeal to a wide audience. it's not a coincidence that they are so similar - both literally and in a meta sense, they are drawing on the same exact story-building and genre material. twsa is just the unsuccessful version, and infinite regressor is the successful one.

orv is what I would consider the most "impressive" version of the genre. it's well-structured, thrillingly plotted, interestingly written, has fascinating ideas and characters, and is even "literary" - that is, it has deeply considered themes and is often drawing from the realm of literary, postmodern fiction in order to express its ideas. a less sincere story would disavow itself from its pop-fiction origins and claim to be the best version of its genre. nothing else could be like it, so the worst versions of its genre wouldn't be worth considering.

but orv, while technically functioning as an argument that the genre can be "good" simply because it's a great novel that is deeply rooted in its genre, goes much further. it argues in-text that any sort of story, even those that are bad on a technical level or those that were somewhat cynically produced for a mass audience, are worth finding value in, simply because stories have meaning to their readers. the most uncritical reproduction of a genre's conventions can still mean something to someone who likes it. twsa, if it existed in our reality, would still probably be considered a very bad novel, but it wouldn't need to be polished up and turned into infinite regressor or orv in order to have value. orv itself is telling you that you should find value in twsa as it is, and by extension, every badly-done work of fiction that twsa could be a stand-in for!

[mavrintarou]

[11:16 PM] Sakusa Kiyoomi

It's been a while since I last posted about Omi-Omi. Happy (belated) Valentine's Day!

Warning: mild angst but reconciled and happy smut (18+)

.

Kiyoomi set his gym bag in the usual spot of his apartment. Tonight, his home felt unusually cold and empty.

Switching the lights on, he is met with two floating balloons and a bag with red and pink hearts printed all over it.

He let out a chuckle and grabbed the bag, pulling out the tissue paper that was stuffed inside. He found all sorts of chocolate inside, his favorite chocolates.

Happy Valentine’s Day, jerk.

Y/n

Kiyoomi released a deep sigh. He and Y/n had gotten into an argument two nights ago, he couldn’t even remember what it was about. But it was 48 hours of silence from Y/n, 48 hours of emptiness.

The phone line rang repeatedly until it went to her voicemail.

He’s sent her three texts and they were left unread.

“C’mon…” he whispered, pacing around his place. “Pick up, please…”

A click came from the other line and he exhaled, “Y/n, thank goodness, where – “

“Hi, this isn’t Y/n but I’m her coworker!”

Kiyoomi frowned, and growled, “where is Y/n?”

“We are at a company dinner and she’s here… a little intoxicated…”

Kiyoomi could hear mumblings in the background, “… who is it…”

“Where are you guys?” he asked, heading to the shoe rack to put his shoes on.

He heard muffling but couldn’t hear clearly.

“… don’t tell him where I am…”

“… he’s mean and I don’t – I don’t wanna see him right now…”

His heart dropped.

“Hi, hello? Are you still there? Omi? Is this Omi with a white heart emoji next to your name? The Omi that is mean?”

“Yes,” Kiyoomi answered defeatedly, “this is Omi.”

“Look,” whoever this person on the other line whispered, “she keeps saying you are mean and she doesn’t want to see you but I secretly know she does, women to women, she wants to see you… we’re… we’re at the XXXX restaurant.” She paused before whispering loudly, “come get your girl!”

.

Kiyoomi’s strides were only half their usual length, and he inserted a two-second pause between each step. Y/n, with a gloomy mood, followed four feet behind him.

Arriving at the restaurant, he discovered her sitting sadly at the end of the table, all alone. Her colleagues were accompanied by their partners, but Y/n was left by herself. Kiyoomi felt a lump of guilt in his throat; he should have been there with her.

Their most recent argument stemmed from this issue. Y/n had requested him to cut short his training if possible for one night, but he declined, emphasizing the priority of his training.

“I’m simply asking if you could leave an hour earlier, or even thirty minutes early to make it to dinner, if it’s feasible. Can you not even manage that?” Her voice was tinged with angst.

“No, you understand how important my training is. I can’t simply leave early for something like this.”

Something like this…

Now, he felt the full weight of guilt engulfing him.

He halted and glanced back, noticing that Y/n had also come to a stop, gazing into the distance. Following her gaze, he spotted a small shop with claw and capsule machines.

He is reminded of his snarky comment about her liking such stupid things.

Walking up to her, he waited until she looked at him. “Let’s go,” he said jerking his head towards the shop.

Her cheeks were still rosy from the alcohol, her eyes weren’t as lively as they should be. “No,” she grumbles, looking away with a pout. “It’s just stupid stuff,” she attempted to walk around him when he caught her wrist and began tugging her towards the store. “What are you doing?”

He ignores her question and tugs her gently along until they get to the change machine. Stuffing a few bills inside to exchange for tokens. “What would you like?”

She looked at the handful of tokens and then his eyes, and with a weary tone she asked, “why are you doing this?”

“Because you like it and it makes you happy,” his tone is gentle and careful, “and I want to see you happy.” He puts a handful of tokens in her palm. “Go, show me what makes you happy.”

Still pouty, she closed her fingers around the token and walked around him.

Kiyoomi smiled to himself, knowing deep down she was excited.

.

“Are you satisfied with your wins?” He stared at the bag full of plushies and capsule toys.

Y/n nodded, restraining a bright smile on her lips. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Seizing the opportunity, Kiyoomi extended his left hand, asking, “can you hold my hand?” He let out a quite breath when she placed her palm in his. They walked side by side in silence.

“Where are we going?” she asked quietly.

“Let’s go grab some junk food at 7/11 and... my place?” He prayed she would come over but instead, she looked at him as if he had two heads. Chuckling, he knew why she was looking at him weirdly. He was completely against eating any junk food, let alone anything from a convenience store. “A little junk food won’t kill me.”

“It might make you sick though?”

“Shh, don’t jinx me like that.”

.

Sure enough, it did make him feel sick.

All he ate was a cup of instant ramen, and within less than an hour, he started experiencing stomach churning.

“I told you,” Y/n scolded, yet concern was written all over her face. She quickly ushered him to lie down on the couch.

If it meant for Y/n to nurse him and show him affection again, the stomach ache was worth it.

He groaned, “it hurts…”

Digging through her purse, she tried to look for her pill box. “Here, take this medication. It’ll help with the tummy ache.”

He accepted the small pill and popped it into his mouth, taking it down with water. He grabbed her hand, “rub my tummy like you did that one time.”

Y/n hesitated, staring at him suspiciously before reaching to push his shirt up to reveal his abdomen. She ignored the ripples of muscles and put pressure on a certain area of his body.

Kiyoomi groaned, feeling instant relief.

She reached for his hand and placed it with hers, “when you have a tummy ache, always press this pressure point.”

She was about to stand up when he stopped her. Panicking he asked, “wait, where are you going?”

“I’m just going to make you some rice soup.”

He still pouted, watching her walk away to his kitchen.

A few minutes later, she returned with a bowl of steaming contents. “Bland, just the way you like it,” she mentioned, taking a seat on the edge of the couch. “How is your stomach feeling?”

“It’ll feel a lot better if you do it…”

Y/n scoffed and slapped his hand away, “you’re such a baby.”

“Correction, I’m your baby…”

Y/n narrowed her eyes at him, “who are you and what have you done to Kiyoomi?”

Kiyoomi’s lips turned downwards. “Omi…” he corrected quietly. When she doesn’t respond he bites his lips nervously. “I’m sorry.”

Her brow raised, and she looked at him as if she didn’t comprehend what he was saying.

“I’m sorry,” he says again, louder this time. “I have been a jerk and insensitive to you… I have not been compromising and mean to you and I’m sorry,” he bowed his head. “I don’t want you to be mad at me anymore. I’ll do better, I promise. Please don’t leave me.” His voice cracked at his last part of his sentence.

“Leave you? Who said I was leaving you?”

“But you didn’t want to see me?”

Y/n frowned, confused. “When did I say that?”

“Earlier on the phone, I heard you telling your coworker that you didn’t want to see me…” very quietly he added, “that hurt my feelings.” He felt childish but he wanted to be honest.

“I didn’t want to see you is very different from I’m leaving you,” Y/n clarified. She sighed, running a hand through her hair before reaching for the bowl of soup. She blew to cool the spoonful of soup before bringing it to his mouth. “I said that I didn’t want to see you because I knew I would give in and forgive you.”

He swallows the soup before asking, “please forgive me?”

“I saw your face so I already forgave you.”

He couldn’t ignore the cheering in his mind. “Do you really mean it? You forgive me for being a jerk?”

“Yes, you jerk.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“But you called yourself that too?” Y/n countered, shoving a spoonful of soup into his mouth. “Eat and feel better.”

Kiyoomi smiles, “… kiss me, that would really make me feel better.”

The corner of her lips tugged upward, “you sly jerk…”

He sits up, bringing his face close to hers. “Please, a kiss?”

She pecks his lips.

He pouted, “that’s not a kiss.”

“Yes it is, my lips touched yours.”

He blinked and then frowned, “that was hardly a kiss…”

Y/n raised a brow, challenging him, “then what’s a kiss to you then?”

And he showed her.

He cupped her face, tilting it before pressing his lips against hers. As soon as she gasped, he slipped his tongue in, meeting hers in a tango.

“Omi…” Y/n breathed, pushing him away to catch a breath.

His lips continued to her jaw and down her neck. “Please Y/n…” he begged, tugging at her tucked-in dress shirt. He pulls away and looks at her with dark pupils, waiting for her consent.

She launched at him, knocking him onto his back once more. Her mouth moved hungrily against his as she tugged at his clothes.

“I’m not going anywhere…” he chuckled.

“You will be if you don’t take help take our clothes off…”

Their clothes lay carelessly on the ground seconds later.

Y/n raised herself and straddled his lap. She rocked her hips, gliding her pussy along the length of his cock.

Kiyoomi hissed loudly as his hands gripped her hip tightly, nails digging into her hip bone. “Don’t –“ he choked, “don’t tease me…” He didn’t miss the smirk on her lips.

Having enough of not being inside of her already, Kiyoomi flipped them and shifted her underneath him. His hand found one of hers and threaded their fingers together, clasping tightly. He searched her eyes and she answered by lifting her hips.

“Haa, you’re going to be the death of me,” he sank his cock into her sweet pussy.

He waited a few seconds, savoring the intimate bond. Kiyoomi peers down at her before pressing his forehead against hers and without breaking eye contact, he whispers, “I love you.”

He doesn’t express those three words as frequently as he ought to, but he can observe the way her eyes illuminate when he does. “I love you, Y/n…” he repeated, rocking his hips slowly but deeply. “I know I don’t say it often enough for you but you are my everything… and I never want to be without you again…”

Y/n released a soft whimper and cupped his face, connecting their lips. “I love you too, Omi…”

It was soft lovemaking.

Each rock of his hips was gentle with care, with love.

“Let’s cum together?”

Y/n nodded, tightening her arms around his shoulders and soon their bodies trembled in release.

Kiyoomi pulls Y/n up and they sit down, still connected very intimately. He reached for the bag of chocolate, took a piece, and unwrapped it before placing it into her mouth. Then, he helped himself to a piece as well.

“Thank you for the chocolate,” he murmurs.

Pressing a kiss to his cheek, she whispered, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Omi.”

. . .

E/n: Going back to Teo now...

>>> @queenelleee @mfreedomstuff @erintaro @callmeraider @chaotic-fangirl-blog @wolffmaiden @cloud-lyy

[manonsmartini]

Maniac: We Had Magic But You Made It Tragic

Daniela Avanzini x fem!reader

3.3k words | established relationship | story starts with predebut daniela | predebut friends are fictional

angst, fluff, homophobia, closeted, suggestive(ish) joke

In all honesty, it is truly dreadful to walk these halls, and you'd rather be anywhere than here at the moment. Opening the door to your locker though, you couldn't help the smile that crept to your lips at the sight of a little brown teddy bear, already having an idea of how it ended up in your locker.

"Hi cutie, I'll meet you up at your place tonight @ 10," a small handwritten letter said.

You stifle a chuckle, remembering that you once told Daniela that you valued handwritten letters, and although this is not the type of handwritten letter you had in mind, knowing that it came from the blonde made it a hundred times better.

After getting your stuff from the locker, you headed to your next class.

As you sat in your chair, you couldn't help but let your mind wander to the girl that has been taking over your thoughts for the past three months. You didn't even know why someone like Daniela would give you the time of day—heck, she's literally THE Daniela Avanzini. It is especially shocking because prior to her taking an interest in you, you would have sworn that she is exclusively a boy kisser.

It still baffles you every time you think about your first interaction. It was at the parking lot near the campus grounds, it’s already dark and you had been standing there alone, waiting for someone you barely knew.

“Your date stood you up?” You visibly jolted, shocked at the sudden voice behind you. Turning around, you were surprised to see Daniela Avanzini staring right at you, a smirk visible on her lips, her arms crossed over her chest while her hands held her car keys.

“What, you see a loser in the wild and you immediately assume that she got stood up by a date? That’s very judgemental of you,” You replied, light-heartedly.

Although you meant it as a joke, you could see the shift in the girl’s demeanor, scratching her loose blond curls, looking slightly embarrassed, “Oh— I… I didn’t—”

“It’s alright, I was messing with you,” You cut her off. Daniela nodded before regaining her composure, “So what are you doing here all alone?”

Studying her face, it took you a hot minute to answer because first of all, you did not expect her to engage in an actual conversation with you; sure you expected a snarky remark about getting ditched by a date, but you didn’t expect her to actually talk to you. You immediately convinced yourself that she probably still feels guilty about her assumption which you called her out for.

“I mean if you don’t mind me asking,” Daniela added, “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound like a creep, especially not in an empty parking lot.”

You realized that while you were overthinking, you were simply staring at the blonde’s face, probably making her feel more tense than she already was, “No, I don’t mind at all, sorry,” You started, “My mind went blank all of a sudden, it’s just that Hailey borrowed my notes yesterday and she asked me to meet her here so that she could return them.”

The blonde clicked her tongue before replying, “Well damn, I guess you’re not getting it tonight though.”

You look at her in question, “Why not?”

“She and her boyfriend had an argument earlier so now she’s at his place because he’s trying to make it up to her,” Daniela says.

“Oh, wow. Thanks for the heads up, god I hope she told me that herself so that I didn’t have to wait here all night thinking she had dance practice or something,” You said, obviously pissed, but your foul mood was not directed towards the blonde in front of you, rather it was for the blonde that ditched you.

“Look, I’m sure Hailey just forgot, she tends to do that when she’s stressed by her boyfriend, and maybe she couldn’t text you because she didn’t have your number,” Daniela tried to reason.

Now you felt bad because although she’s not the person you’re pissed at, she’s definitely in the receiving end of your attitude so you straightened up and said, “Yeah you’re right, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be a bitch towards you, I really do appreciate you telling me all this.”

Daniela flashes you a bright smile, her dimple showing, and you swore your heart bursted at the sight, “No worries at all, god knows what I would’ve said and done if I were in your position,” She wraps her hand around your arm, caressing it, “It’s all good, don’t worry, you weren’t a bitch at all.”

You could feel goosebumps all over the arm that the dancer held, especially with her eyes locked onto yours, it felt like you were suffocating but in the best way possible.

“Well, since we have established that you wouldn’t be seeing Hailey tonight, do you have any other plans?”

“Other than going home?” You asked, shocked that she would even ask such a question.

Daniela flashed you another smile, her dimple once again making an appearance, "I'd seriously kill for an unhealthily greasy burger right now," You could see the girl studying your face before continuing, "I was wondering if you'd like to join me?"

"I–" You honestly fell silent, not knowing how to respond to a really pretty girl asking you to eat with her, "Sure, I'd love to."

The dancer's smile widens, her eyes practically glowing in the dimly lit parking lot, "Great, I know a really good place. My car's just over there," The girl turns around, pointing towards her red car.

You nodded, and followed her when she started making her way towards the vehicle, "Oh shit, I forgot to ask," She turns back to face you, "Do you have a ride? Sorry, I just assumed that you'd ride with me…"

Daniela laughs awkwardly, scratching her head before adding, "God, I should really stop assuming things about you."

You gave the blonde a genuine smile of your own, finding the whole interaction adorable, "It's fine, Daniela, I don't mind, and no, I don't have a ride."

The girl's eyes visibly widened at the mention of her name, "Oh god," she said.

You look at her in curiosity, "Why? Is there something wrong?" You asked as the both of you approached the car.

"I just remembered, I didn't even introduce myself to you," The blonde said, a look of utter disbelief painted on her face. You couldn't help but chuckle at the girl.

"Daniela," you started, emphasizing her name, "I highly doubt that you even have to; you're like one of the most well-known students in our batch," you gave her a kind smile before adding, "If anything, I should be the one worried that I haven't introduced myself."

The dancer shakes her head in disagreement, "No," She starts, "Well, I already know you, I mean, I've seen you perform at some of your gigs," You could feel your cheeks heating up as the girl opens the car door for you, her eyes steady on your frame. You never would have thought that she'd be hanging out at the cafes that you played in, other than the fact that you'd never seen her, it just doesn't seem like her vibe.

"Oh, well, I'd hardly call it a performance," You replied as she finally enters her car, getting ready to drive off, "I just go up the stage with a guitar and sing," You could see the girl about to disagree with you when you added, "You on the other hand, wow, you are a performer."

Despite her focus being trained on the road, you could see the pink tint coloring the girl's cheeks, "That is not true," was all she could say.

"Oh come on, Daniela," You started, "You're a dance prodigy—you know for a fact that I'm right."

That night was the start of something unexpected; a vicious and feisty force that was Daniela just waltz into your life without any warning, and ever since then, the girl kept finding ways to bump into you and spark a conversation with you.

And of course, you did not even try to avoid it; in fact, you loved the attention that Daniela gave you—she's such an addictive person and the more you saw her, the more you wanted to bask in her presence.

It didn't even take the dancer long before she finally asked you out on a real date, which ended successfully, causing the both of you to finally have a mutual understanding of dating each other in private, mostly because she is not ready to come out of the closet.

You were lying on your bed, scrolling through twitter when you received a text from your girlfriend, telling you that she's right outside. You send her a quick response before quietly rushing out of your bedroom to sneak her into your house.

Daniela never fails to look amazing whenever she meets up with you. Sure, the latina always looks absolutely stunning even without much effort, but there's certainly something different every time she goes out to see you, and in a way, it gives you a sense of pride knowing that only you get to see her this way, and that maybe, just maybe, she puts in the effort to look good for you.

"Are you doing anything this Saturday?" The dancer looks at you expectantly as she laid on your lap, both of you resting comfortably on your bed. You had an exam on Monday that you really had to prepare for, but you decided to ask the dancer, "Do you have any plans in mind?"

"Mhm," She nods adorably, sitting up straight facing you, "I was wondering if you'd like to go to the movies with me," Daniela basically pleads with her eyes, "My friends have been raving about this one horror film, and I really really want to watch it. Please?"

Now seriously, how do you say no to that? Exactly, you don't.

After making plans with her, both of you cuddled on your bed with the latina being the small spoon. You spoke into her exposed neck, feeling the goosebumps immediately form around the area, "Dani, baby, it's midnight."

The blonde sighs before turning around to face you. She stares into your eyes before she wraps her arm on your waist holding you closer, and buries her face on your chest.

“I don’t care,” Daniela says, squeezing your body closer which you didn’t even think was possible. As much as you didn’t want her to go, you replied, “Tomorrow’s a school day, Dani, you have to go back home.”

The girl only grumbled in response so you continued, “Besides, my parents would freak out if they see a stranger’s car outside our house.”

Daniela finally separates her face from your chest, looking at you sheepishly, “But I’m not a stranger now, am I? Not with all the things I’m doing to their little princess,” she says, a smirk evident on her lips.

Your cheeks heat up at her words, choosing to ignore her insinuation, you said, “To them, you are a stranger, and I can’t exactly introduce you to them as my friend because that just feels wrong.”

You could see the pout forming on the latina’s lips and you wanted nothing more than to kiss it away. It seems as though Daniela read your thoughts because not even a minute later her hand brushes your cheeks before leaning into you, taking your lips in a slow kiss.

“Alright, I’ll go,” Daniela says, her lips still on yours, “I’ll miss you,” she utters.

You bite her bottom lip, urging her to kiss you once again, “Don’t be silly, we’ll see each other on campus.”

Daniela Avanzini is truly addictive—a girl like her is hard to let go of and you are certain that you are the luckiest person alive knowing that you get to call her your girlfriend, albeit not publicly. The mere knowledge that she likes you is enough.

However, it would be a lie if you said that it didn’t bother you: keeping your relationship secret. You were a private person yourself, but lov—liking Daniela feels like it isn’t enough; you feel the need to tell the world that you are hers.

You couldn’t help but compare yourself to her ex boyfriend, a famous jock in your highschool, and how public their relationship was. It wasn’t that you were jealous. No—but you sure feel envious of what they had.

How freely he could visit Daniela at her home, her family welcoming him with open arms. How he could easily tag along with Daniela’s friends when they hangout. How he was able to tell the whole school how much Daniela meant to him.

You weren’t jealous of him, but you envied what he had with Daniela. Because as much as the latina makes an effort to see you, it feels like the effort to hide you from her life was bigger.

Like how she barely acknowledges you at school, the way she makes an effort to go to campus at a ridiculously early hour just to slip a note in your locker so that no one would see her, how she would visit your home late at night and having to sneak her in. Although it hasn’t been long, she already means the world to you, and whenever your mind touches these thoughts, you can’t avoid the bitter feeling that grows in your chest.

But deep inside, you knew that Daniela was worth the wait. You don't know how much time she needs before she feels comfortable enough to let this secret out, but until then, you would settle for anything that the girl was ready to give.

Saturday rolls around and you could barely contain your excitement. It has been a while since you actually went out with Daniela; she only either sneaked into your room or she’d pick you up to sneak you into hers.

You find yourself overthinking about what to wear to your date with the blonde, not wanting to go overboard but also wanting to look pretty for the girl. You settled with a casual outfit that you were comfortable in, but tried to make an effort in your appearance by putting on some makeup.

Not long after getting ready, you received a text message from your girlfriend. You smiled at her words before typing in your response.

Double checking whether everything is in place, you gathered your stuff and headed out the house. As much as you were pretty introverted, your parents don't exactly question you as much when you leave because for the most part, they assume that you’ll be out singing at cafes.

When you arrived at the gas station, you could already see the striking red car of your girlfriend. Daniela spots you from the driver’s seat and immediately vacates her vehicle to greet you.

The blonde carefully studies your frame from your shoes til her eyes slowly reach yours, taking in your appearance, “You look amazing,” She said, seemingly breathless.

You’re sure that a pink tint has appeared on your cheeks as you feel them heat up at your girlfriend’s compliment mixed with her intense stare, “And you look beautiful, Dani, as always.”

The blonde steps into your personal space and wraps her arms around you, a hand reaching the back of your head, urging you to bury your face onto the crook of her neck.

“I missed you,” Daniela says as she plants a soft kiss on your temple, still holding onto you. You were grateful that she was practically shielding you from the world because it meant that you could hide the stupidly big smile on your lips, feeling both joyful and perplexed at the public display of affection coming from the latina. You truly prayed for times like this.

The mere action made you hopeful; perhaps things are finally about to change.

Little did you know, you were right—things were about to change, but not for the better.

The film that you watched was great. Sure, it was scary and you had a few jumps and shrieks which were embarrassing to say the least, but every time you did so, Daniela held you as close as possible, so you still considered it as a win.

As the movie ended, both of you made your way out of the cinema, “Dani,” you called out to the blonde, “I’ll just go to the bathroom real quick,” you informed her.

She nodded and said, “Alright, I’ll be waiting for you outside.”

As Daniela exited the cinema, she heard a familiar voice calling her, “Dani?” The latina freezed at her spot, trying to calm her nerves before turning around to face the girl who was already smiling widely at her.

“Hey Hailey,” the latina greeted her friend, feeling uncomfortable but trying her hardest not to let it show, “You watched the movie?”

The other blonde shook her head no, “We’re just about to watch it, but I thought I saw you leaving the cinema so I followed you just to be sure.”

“Why didn’t you say that you were going to go to the movies? We could’ve gone together!” Hailey said, then suddenly she squints her eyes at the latina, “Or are you here on a date? Oh my god Daniela, who are you with?”

Daniela tried to act nonchalantly, rolling her eyes at her friend’s excitement with a smirk on her face. She knew that you could come out any minute, and that there’s probably no way out of this situation so she tried her best to save her face.

“Oh god, you won’t even believe me if I told you,” Daniela said, a laugh laced with her tone, “I went with Y/N.”

“What?” Hailey looks surprised, “I didn’t know you two were friends?”

“We’re not,” Daniela laughs lightly, “It’s a bit of a long story so I’ll text you the details later, but yeah…” the girl trailed off, “She seems to admire me so I went with it, and in return I get free booze and food from her,” Daniela laughs.

Her friend widens her eyes before she laughs with her friend, “Oh my god, Daniela! You must be so bored with your life! That’s so funny though,” the girl laughs, “And really smart, damn.”

“Yeah,” The latina agrees, “You know how she sings at some cafes and bars?” Her friend nods, urging her to continue, “Well, let’s just say that I can confirm that the foods and drinks from those places are pretty good.”

Hailey was just about to reply to the other dancer when the pair spotted you exiting the cinema, cutting their conversation to a sudden end. You raised your gaze and your eyes met your girlfriend’s, then her friend’s who was looking at you with amusement in her eyes.

You almost stopped in your tracks knowing that Daniela never told her friends that she even knows you, but seeing the girl’s smile, you felt at ease and decided to approach the pair.

“Hey,” you said, nervously. “Oh my god,” Hailey says, “I have to go, the movie’s about to start.”

She locks eyes with the other blonde before saying, “I’ll catch up with you later, alright? Tell me everything.”

Both you and Daniela watched as the girl entered the cinema, and as she was no longer in sight, the blonde broke the silence, “Hey, you ready to go home?”

You met your girlfriend’s gaze, studying her face, unsure of whether you should ask her about Hailey or not, but decided against it, thinking that if she wants to talk about it, she’ll bring it up.

A small smile appears on your lips before you reply, “Yeah, let’s go.”

[ II ] | main

[a-kind-of-merry-war]

will you please give us examples of resources to look at if we want to learn more about the concept of gender and maybe even transness in Medieval Europe? thanks!

whooooo boy right, there's a lot! I wanna start this by saying that I am very much not an expert, and I only have access to stuff I can find for free and the handful of books I can afford to buy second hand. Most of my research has been around gender as it relates to transness and GNC people. I am absolutely missing stuff, or have forgotten stuff, or simply lack the know-how to find stuff.

There's a few bits I've got on a TBR but haven't read yet - some I've included and some I haven't, depending on the source and how established it is.

Also: this is medieval Europe. The way pronouns are used to describe people don't really align with modern views of sex and gender. Also be aware of old-fashioned language use (for example, some texts talk about "hermaphrodites"). Remember that the way we talk about gender and trans identities is far different to how we even spoke about it 20 years ago.

So with that out of the way... I am chucking this under a read more, because it's long:

---

GENDER

Medieval ideas around gender were different to how we now think about it. The Hippocratic view of gender saw gender as a sort of wet/dry, cold/hot spectrum upon which men were at one end and women the other (and in the middle were intersex people). The male body was seen as hot and dry, and the female as cold and wet. The cold, wetness is what made women try to seek out heat from guys. A lot comes down to humors rather than genitals - if you're hot and dry, that innately means you grow a penis, because the heat sorta forces it out. So the marker is that penis = man, but you only have that penis in the first place because of your hot, dry humor.

Some people believed the vagina was an inverted penis - as in, the penis turned outside in. Some schools of thought believed that both men and women produced "seed", and that both were needed for conception. These thoughts and ideas shifted around a lot.

The Hippocratic view shifted towards Aristotelian ideas around the 12th Century, where the male/female divide was a lot stronger. There were also surgeons throughout all these periods who sought to "correct" intersex genitalia with surgery (how little things change).

This podcast (I've linked to a transcript, because I have more time to read than listen to things) with Dr Eleanor Janega is super interesting. In fact, I'd recommend reading her whole blog, which is fascinating. She also has a book out (but I've not read it so I can't give a yay or nay on that one)

The Meanings of Sex Difference in the Middle Ages by Joan Cadden seems to be a good source on this, but I've not read it so I can't vouch for it 100%.

I've listed below some real people who could fit into our modern interpretation of transness, and the fact that all of these people were only "outed" when arrested or at their death makes me think that there were probably a lot more people at the time who would also fit into this category. It does feel (to me, a layman) that you could rock up in a new town and go "hello I'm Jeff the Man" and people would just accept that.

It's also important to note that the majority of sources I've found are about people we could define as trans men (FTM). I've only found one person who could be described as a trans woman. If anyone out there has more sources for trans women, I'd love to hear them - specifically in medieval Europe/England.

There's also a big discussion to be had around the idea of women dressing as men to achieve a goal. People love getting into arguments about it. My general rule is that if someone lived as X gender, and was forcibly outed against their will or at death, then I feel we can more safely assume that their experience maps more closely onto a trans narrative than it does one of a woman taking on the "disguise" of a man.

---

TRANS & GNC ACADEMIA

Here's some of the sources I've been using that examine medievalism through a trans or trans-adjacent lens.

Trans and Genderqueer Subjects in Medieval Hagiography, Alicia Spencer-Hall & Blake Gutt - a deep dive/collection of essays about medieval religious figures/saints through a trans lens, specifically about cross-dressing figures. Really fascinating, and available on open access.

How to be a Man, Though Female: Changing Sex in Medieval Romance, Angela Jane Weisl - goes into detail about medieval texts in which characters change their sex.

Transgender Genealogy in Tristan de Nanteuil, Blake Gutt - trans theory in the story Tristan de Nanteuil.

Trans Historical: Gender Plurality before the Modern, edited by Greta LaFleur, Masha Raskolnikov & Anna Kłosowska - A great big examination into trans history/gender. I desperately want this book.

Clothes Make the Man, Female Cross Dressing in Medieval Europe, Valerie R. Hotchkiss (book, no online source available) - Another look into women dressing as men and gender inversion.

The Shape of Sex, Leah DeVun (book) - A history of nonbinary sex, 200 - 1400BC. Not read this one yet but it's on my TBR.

In fact, I'd recommend all of Leah DeVun's work, which I'm currently making my way through. I'm currently reading Mapping the Borders of Sex.

The Third Gender and Aelfric's Lives of Saints, Rhonda L. McDaniel - An examination into the idea of a "third gender" in monastic life based around chastity and spiritualism

Erecting Sex: Hermaphrodites and the Medieval Science of Surgery, Leah DeVun - an essay about "corrective" surgery on intersex individuals in the 13th/14th centuries. (I've not fully read this one yet but the topic is relevant)

----

TRANS FIGURES

Joseph/Hildegund (died 1188) - A monk who, upon his death, was discovered to have a vagina/breasts.

Eleanor Rykener (1394) - A (likely) trans sex worker arrested in 1394 (and another source that isn't wiki)

Katherina Hetzeldorfer (killed 1477) - An early record of a "woman" being executed for female sodomy. Katherina dressed and presented as a man, and some scholars read them as a trans man.

Marinos/Marina the Monk (5th Cent) - A monk who was born a woman and lived as a man in a monastery. Marinos was accused of getting a local innkeeper's daughter pregnant. Their "true sex" was discovered upon their death.

-----

ROMANCES* & GENDER

If you're interested in the idea of gender presentation and trans-adjacent stories, I very much recommend taking a look at some contemporary sources. I've tried to take a sort of neutral approach to pronouns for these descriptions, but it's hard to marry the medieval and modern ideas of sex and gender! The titles are all links.

*Romances here means Chivalric Romances: prose/verse narratives about chivalry, often with fantastic elements. Not, like, falling in love Romances.

Le Roman de Silence (13th Cent) - in order to ensure inheritance, a couple raise their daughter as a boy. The baby is called Silence/Silentius/Silentia. The poem features the forces of Nature and Nurture, who argue about Silence's "true" gender - Nature claims they're a girl, and Nurture claims they're a boy. Silence has a variety of adventures, largely referred to in the text as a man with he/him pronouns, and at the end their "true gender" is discovered and, as a woman, they marry the king.

Yde et Olive (15th Cent) - to avoid being married to their own father, Yde, a woman, disguises themselves as a man and becomes a knight. They end up in Rome, where the king marries them to their daughter, Olive. After a couple of weeks, Yde tells Olive about their "true gender", but the conversation is overheard. The King demands Yde bathe with him to prove they are a man. An angel intervenes and transforms Yde's body into that of a man.

Iphis and Ianthe (Greek/Roman myth, but also in Ovid's Metamorphois, which first came to England in the 15th Cent) - Telethusa is due to give birth, but her husband tells her that if the baby is a girl he'll have it killed. When she gives birth to a girl, she disguises the baby as a boy. Eventually, Iphis is engaged to Ianthe. (Incidentally, this is also a really early example of same-sex romance, as Iphis struggles with their love for Ianthe "as a woman"). Before the wedding, Iphis and Telethusa pray at the temple of Isis, who transforms Iphis into a man.

Tristan de Nanteuil (11th/12th Cent) - from the Chanson de geste, after his alleged death, Tristan's wife, Blanchandin/e, disguises themselves as a Knight. Clarinde, a sultan's daughter, falls in love with them. Blanchandin manages to hide their "true sex", but when Clarinde demands they bathe with her to prove they are a man they flee into the woods. There, they meet an angel who asks if they want to be transformed into a man. Blanchandin accepts and he is turned into a man for the rest of the poem. (Incidentally the angel gives him a giant cock. Yes, the text specifies this).

Le Livre de la mutation de fortune (1403) - written in the first person by Christine de Pizan, the poem describes how the narrator is transformed by Fortune into a man after the death of their husband during a storm at sea. They maintain that 13 years after the event, they are still living as a man. (They also mention Tiresias, a Greek mythological figure who was a man transformed into a woman for seven years).

Okay, for now - that's about all I can think of. Happy reading!

[pitchsidestories]

Swiss chocolate for breakfast II Lia Wälti x Reader

masterlist I word count: 790

inspired by this sweet request here.<3

Milk, eggs, oats, almond butter, paper towels…

It was all right there on the grocery list that Lia was studying while she absentmindedly pushed the cart.

You knew exactly what it said on there. After all, you were the one who wrote it all down in the morning.

It was all stuff that had to be stocked up before you two would leave with Arsenal for the US tour.

Boring. Something absolutely essential was missing that wasn’t on the list.

With a dull thud you dropped a few packages into the cart.

Lia looked up from her shopping list.

Her gaze drifted from the cartons to you: “Wait, what’s that?“

You innocently blinked at her: “We travel to America therefore I need my English tea, Lia.“

“You don’t need your tea. I’m sure they will have tea there.“, your girlfriend laughed while removing the tea from the cart.

You took the cartons from her and dropped them back inside: “But not as good as this one. It’s simply the best.“

“It’s just tea.“, Lia complained but this time didn’t touch the packages.

You shook your head in disbelief. You had this conversation way too many times. “Lia, it’s not just any tea!“

Lia pointed at the three packages: “You don’t even need that much tea.“

“Yes, I do!“

“You won’t drink it there anyway.“

“Maybe the other English girls and I want some tea in the afternoon or evening…“, you explained but stopped yourself suddenly.

You looked around. How did you two end up in the chocolate section all of a sudden?

You watched as Lia gently placed something into the cart. You immediately recognized the metallic packaging of her favourite chocolate.

“Hold on. Is that Swiss chocolate in the basket? We certainly don’t need that either.“, you decided, giving her deprecating stare and trying to bite back a smile.

Your girlfriend pretended to be offended: “Of course we need chocolate! The flight is super long!“

“Pretty sure they give away chocolate on the plane?“, you playfully rolled your eyes.

“What if they don’t? And what if it isn’t real Swiss chocolate? Also that’s never enough for a ten hour flight.“

“You’re a professional football player my love you should know better.”, you teased her lovingly.  

“If you can’t appreciate my Swiss chocolate then I won’t appreciate your English tea!”, Lia decided pouting, trying hard not to laugh about your little unserious argument.

“You didn’t appreciate my tea to begin with!”, you countered, your lips twitching, wanting to turn into a grin, but you didn’t want to give in already.  Luckily this was London and not the English and Swiss countryside where you both grew up, so no one was turning their heads during the discussion.

“Okay, listen, here’s a deal, we get both, okay? And everyone’s happy.”, the midfielder sighed loudly.

“Deal.”, you nodded satisfied while the two of you continued your way through the supermarket peacefully.  

“I’m sure the new teammates will feel better and more welcomed to our team with that chocolate.”, she declared happily.

Fondly, Lia reminisced the times she joined a new football team in Potsdam or Arsenal and always brought some Swiss chocolate at the beginning which turned out to be a great way to her new teammate’s hearts.

Even your romance started with a little praline which turned up at your seat in the changing room at every home game with a little message until one read, will you go on a date with me? Marking the day where you turned into lovers.  

“And with some tea.”, you added smirking.

“Which tastes like nothing.”, Lia commented chuckling.

“Love, I’m telling you, you’re doing your tea wrong.”, you replied.

“This reminds me we need to get coffee too; we ran out of beans.”, your girlfriend remembered.

After the coffee beans were secured, she looked at her phone before glancing back to you.

“Oh, Steph texted and asked if we want to join making pizzas at Kim’s place tonight and if we’re still in the supermarket.”

“I hate when they do this. They always make us get groceries for them. Okay, text her we’ll bring everything.”, you groaned dramatically.

“I’ll. She immediately replied with a lot of kiss emojis.”, the brunette noted amused.

“Come on, we’ve to hurry up.”, you told her, while simultaneously grabbing the things needed for pizza.

“Please I’m starting to get hungry too.”, Lia said. Both of you couldn’t wait until you meet the other women as evenings at Kim were always a lot of fun which you didn’t want to miss out on.

And maybe but only maybe there would be a bit of chocolate for breakfast in the morning before you took on the long flight on the plane.

[yuoniz]

LOVE STRINGS — TUBATU

synopsis . tubatu as beabadoobee songs

투바투 : txt x gnr ☁️ 1.1K — fluff ❨ warnings ❩ suggestive, profanity, txt down bad losers yes! 𓍼 note — repost again but who really cares┆(bookshelf)

OO1 ┊CHOI YEONJUN

as glue song

if you guys were in a relationship, you would basically be in a relationship w this song

this songs just embodies yeonjun

this man would fall in love pretty quickly if you knew the right ways to make his heart flutter

he would still feel like he came back from his first date w you after you both go on dates.

bros go to line would be "where are you rn?"

like even if you just called him 5 mins ago that you're coming to his house he would still text you

or if you just left the dorm

you would literally be stuck to him by the glue (😆😆)

he can't even find the right words to express what he feels for you

theres so much he wants to express because I see him as a very expressive person

its the little things he does that show how much he loves you

putting his hand against the top of a cabinet so when you bring your head up it would hit the edge

allowing you to use him as a makeshift chair at anytime

this man will never say no to you

if you want something, he'd simply just nod his head

if you want boba, he'd kiss your forehead and leave the apartment after saying 'I love you'

he's seriously so whipped for you plss

"have I ever told you how pretty you look?"

"jun, you said that five times this morning."

other members are under the cut !

OO2 ┊CHOI SOOBIN

as livelong

this song is so soobin coded idc

he would learn so much with being in a relationship with you

it would be one of those quiet times you both would spend together

you would be reading a book, resting on his lap

he would be massaging you head, stroking his fingers through your hair

and he would be lost in your eyes fixated on the book you were engrossed in

and he knew he was in love with you

everytime he sees you see would have so many thoughts running around his head and he would just make some weird noise whenever you ask him a question because he has so much to say

"did you listen to this song, bin? I love it sm."

"nngh"

🧍‍♀️

no because you're the partner he wants to grow old with

like he can't name a more beautiful person other than you

bro is so in love its actually concerning

and you would be to

thats how you both were

you both learn so much from each other through conversations, heated arguments, anything

and at the end of the day, you both were molded for each other

thats how yall were

"If we both had children should we call them soobeans?"

"babe..."

OO3 ┊CHOI BEOMGYU

as apple cider

plsss this song was dedicated to beomgyu

he would never express his feelings like

its giving friends to lovers with mutual pining, but half of the time its beomgyu acting like he hates you, denying his feelings but actually he's so in love with you.

he just doesn't know it yet

because why does he always hold your hand when you walk together in public?

oh so you wont get lost

ok so why does he call you "honey" in front of other people

so they won't bother you

like... ok bff

the deluder is deluding

"I don't even like you that much. Wait, I do, fuck"

TELL ME THAT AIN'T HIM

plss he'd be so awkward asking you out

"idk maybe if you wanna go out to watch or movie or something idk."

he'd blush so hard when you say yes

and when you both date

it would still be the same expect yall are dating HELPP

the way yall would bicker 80% of the time and then make out the other 20% of the time

its so cute to see him all flustered when you compliment him

"you are soo in love with me, gyu."

"SHUT UP!"

OO4 ┊KANG TAEHYUN

as you're here that's the thing

he'd want a simple relationship

he doesn't want to overcomplicate things

hell he'd even just want a no-label relationship

I so believe that this man is a "career>relationship"

sorry terry 😕

he'd want it to be lowkey

but when it's just the two of you, he's so???

no because why does he glitch everytime he sees you??

he feels so safe when you're just simply there

like you srsly got him wrapped around your finger

"tyun, I'm sorry I cant come tomorrow. Plus, what would happen if I'm not there."

"You're not there, that's the thing."

LIKE?????

he falls a bit too hard whenever he sees you

and you're sick of this no-label relationship

you want it to be more than just this

and you know he wants it too

so after months of contemplating

you confronted him

and he couldn't imagine his life without you

so without saying anything

he just kissed you

he loves you too much to let go of you

he's never felt this b4, but he liked it

"I know I don't say it. that much, but..."

"it's okay tyun, I do too."

OO1 ┊HUENING KAI

as art class

he's someone who would have a massive crush on someone (you) and he would think they won't like him back

he would be the first one to realise if you got a new haircut

or if you changed your perfume

he has a great memory when it comes to you.

He'd be so attentive when he listens to you

he would remember the little things like

"there's no way you got me this."

"you said you liked it when we were at the park."

PLSS HE SO CUTE

you'd notice his cute gestures

and you realised he liked you

you made him feel like his heart was an art class

he'd feel so wild yet it be in the calmest moments you both would have

he likes you so much, he doesn't know what to do

he's the type of person to feel so much and he actually doesn't know what to do

so you ask him if he wanted to go out

everything around you both froze, to him

he'd just stand there and nod

plsss

even after its a few months after you both start dating

he'd still be so utterly in love with you

he'd just wanted to be with you, doing nothing

if only you could read his mind.

"you looked so pretty today, not the you didn't look pretty yesterday or any other days! you actually look pretty everyday-"

"kai if you wanna kiss, just say so."

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎designer yuoniz ! do not copy, repost, translate any of my works

[k2ntoss]

DIRTY LITTLE SECRET

tw ⭒ swearing, angst, couple argument, mean jason todd (he's kind of a jerk with his words but uhhhh, he's cute), jason todd x fem!reader and okayyyyyy that's everything i think and some fluff sandwiched with more angst at the end bc i can't leave this just like that

a/n ⭒ song based fanfics are my weakness, i'm so sorry i just can't stop listening to certain songs just to write something related - the all-merican rejects, dirty little secret here okayyyy

i stopped counting words, sorry lmao

jason has been a nice boyfriend, so long he has never raised his voice or got angry when there was a little problem, he has taken you out on a few nice dates but there was something off.

you knew basically nothing about his surroundings, not his family nor his friends, probably seen once any of his close class mates and before you could go to say hi he was next to you, it was almost as if he didn't wanted you near them but you tried to push it away. for over three months.

you've had enough of pretty much all of that situation, dating jason for almost a year, going on one or two dates every two months and just getting texts from him, probably a short movie night if he had any time for you and it was making you feel so little and less for him, what was the problem with taking you with his family? or asking you to hang out with his friends? because he made some time to spend a few hours with them, drink something and have fun but there wasn't place for you with them, with him.

"jay... do you think we can go to the movies this weekend?" you ask him, sitting on one of the stools you had around your living room when he was spending some of his spare time with you "there is this new movie..." you trail off, trying to get his attention.

"don't think we can do that, doll, already made plans" he looks at your for a couple of seconds with a small frown and you're thinking that maybe you are the problem, maybe you're not enough for jason and he knows it, he's nice with you and the way he looks at you, how he brushes your hair when he walks next to you before sitting on your couch.

"you going out with your friends?" you ask softly, receiving a nod and a soft hum from him "maybe i could join you, i don't know your friends..." your voice is still low, calm but there's a clear intention on it and as soon as you present the idea jason scoffs.

there something in the way he does it that makes you feel like a spark ignited inside of your chest, between a bolt of anger and a sharp pain, what was that supposed to mean?

"you don't wanna know them, trust me, princess" jason trails off, almost lying on your couch as he looked at his phone "not your kind of people..." he whispers and it makes you near explode.

"what is that supposed to mean, jason?" there's an edge to your voice that makes him sit straight, he looks at you and places his hands on his lap "it means exactly what i said, my friends are not your kind of people, why?" he shrugs, as if it wasn't that much of a big deal.

"and what is my kind of people exactly? not so interesting? not as good as you?" you start, the light in your eyes replaced by something else and jason noticed it "is your family also like that? not the kind of people i am around?"

"exactly that" he says, simply and blunt, he looks at you unamused as he crosses his arms over his chest and leans back "not your kind of people either, now stop the tantrum, okay?" and for a second you are speechless because he has never said something like that.

"why can't i meet your family? it's been almost a year, do they at least know you are dating someone?" you ask, not letting go of it just like that makes him sigh in frustration.

"why would they have to know? i don't see your point, y/n." and as soon as the pet names stop you know that he's not happy talking about this "i haven't told anyone, okay? and i don't plan on doing it, i have my reasons."

"maybe they have to know because i'm your damn girlfriend" your town grows a bit louder, not longer sitting on the stool you walk until you're in front of jason "maybe they have to know because what the hell have you've been doing the days you spend here instead of with them?" the way jason looks at you isn't helping, his eyes are fixed on the ceiling and his lips are pressed on a fine line.

"i don't want to tell them, okay? i can't see a damn issue besides you wanting everyone to know i have a girlfriend and that's not a big deal" he trails off, his hand moving in a motion that made your mood go worse.

"it is a fucking big deal, jason!" when you snap at him he turns to look at you, eyebrows raised in surprise bit it quickly changes to a expression of pure tiredness "we barely have a date every full moon, you text me whenever you remember i exist and your friends don't even know i'm your girlfriend" you number with your fingers, your voice shaky because your emotions taking over were too much.

"i do what i can, i don't have that much free days to waste my time here!" he snaps back and his words hit hard but that's just the start "i still can't get why you have to make a fuzz out of it, it's enough with both of us knowing we're dating"

"wasting your time, fine" you mutter before turning around, back facing him as you walk to your room and you can make the sound of his steps following you "it's so fucking funny because no one knows i'm your girlfriend so you get a lot of girls flirting with you and i have to deal with it but as soon as any of my friends gets too touchy with me at the campus you're calling me" and it's true, jason can't stand seeing other people so close to you and so freely because that's something he can't do and he does had his reasons.

"are you really gonna make a problem out of this?" he asks, it's like he isn't able to wrap his mind around of it, how much you wanted everyone to know that someone like him laid his eyes on you, that he liked you from all of the girls it was you "you're the only one that needs to know"

"but at least give me a goddamn reason for me to be a stupid secret, jason" you are almost crying, voice struggled and eyes burning from how much you wish things were at least a little different "is it so bad it's me who you're dating? am i not enough?" your words hurt, not just you but also him because he would love to show you off but his life won't allow it.

he won't risk you to get too deep into his shit, it's enough you deal with his presence and his absence too.

"that's not a game you would like to play, you'll find out shit you don't wanna know" he warns you, jason's voice is now stern and his eyes are no longer soft, he stands towering over you as he seems to be holding back his tongue "i can't tell anyone and you don't even try because that would be so dumb of you" he sounds absolutely mad and he is, but with himself.

jason hates this, he knows that maybe he's breaking your heart and he despises his whole being for that. he loves you and that's why he can't drag you into his world, all the pain and worry it would bring to you would be a burden you don't deserve when you're the only one who brings something nice into his days.

"you're still not giving me one single reason, i don't even know if you're ashamed or what the hell is going on" your voice breaks and he sees the tears pooling on your lashes, he wants to hold you and tell you how much he loves you but maybe he has to break you a little to keep you safe.

"i don't fucking want them to know about you, that's all! is it so hard to wrap your head around it? do i need to spell it out for you like a fucking child?" he's yelling in a way that draws your tears away, wet trails on your cheeks "it's stupid, you know? i'm wasting my fucking time here when i could be doing something else"

you see him passing his hands through his hair, desperate and frustrated "i thought this would be different but you had to decide to get on my nerves and be a pain in the ass, is this what you expect me to take with my family? a brat like you that can't take a no for an answer?"

he is cursing his name in his head, he sees how your heart shatters into pieces and the way your hands fall flat on your sides, tears falling silently through your cheeks.

"do i need to get you a damn banner to announce it? take you out so you can scream it out loud? you've got to be joking" he scoffs, jason outs a show for you. a show of breaking your heart, making you feel so stupid for expecting to be important enough for him.

"get out" your words tremble and he stops to look at you, there's a brief glimpse of regret on his eyes but it vanishes in a second. "i don't want you here, get out of my place" you point every word, crying but still angry at him. the sharp pain in your chest is making it hard to breath and it shows on the gasps you let out as he walks out of the room.

"i hope that later tonight you regret everything you've said" he hears you, his chest aching because he wants so bad to erase each word he said.

"i regret a lot of things, y/n" he says harshly, looking at you intently before he leaves. just like that you're left alone in your apartment, crying and letting yourself fall onto the floor.

night falls like that, rain pouring heavily and it muffles your sobs while you lie on your couch, hugging a pillow and hiding your face because you've been crying without rest since jason left. the headache you feel is killing you but there's no will to get up to take a pill.

on the other hand, jason drives around the city. he has been around your block a few times wondering if he should go back and hold you but he shrugs and leaves, you said you didn't wanted him there so it would have done things worse. jason also looks at his phone, thinking about calling or texting you but he decides is better if he doesn't.

until he stops thinking or at least he thinks he did, he stands outside your door with his copy of the keys on his hand and it's too late when he snaps back into reality because he's already on the doorway. it's almost midnight and the lights are all off, not even the tv is on but he listens clearly to your soft sobs and the sounds of you shifting on your place.

"i told you i didn't wanted you here" you croack, voice hoarse and raspy from how much you've been crying your lungs out. his heart breaks when he turns on the lights and sees your red eyes, puffy and still teary.

"i know... but i couldn't leave you like that" there was the jason todd you knew, his voice was soft and there was a tenderness to his eyes that always made you sigh "i said a lot of shit today and you have no idea how much i hate myself for it" he starts before walking towards you.

he shakes his head when you try to sit on the couch, making you stay still as he lets his body fall sit on the floor and reaches a hand to brush a few strands of messy hair out of your face, he sighs when you pull away refusing his touch.

"i don't wanna know, jason" he wants to kiss your forehead when you snuggle yourself a little more against the pillow but he knows it's not the right moment for it. not when he was losing you.

"but i need to tell you... there are a lot of things about me that you don't know and you are different from my family and friends, baby" his hand finds a way to ylur cheek, cupping it gently as he wipes away a few tears "and that's not bad because you're better than any of them, you're better than me anf right now i'm so damn sure i don't really deserve someone like you" his words are full of meaning, that you can feel it because jason has clear eyes for you, green pretty eyes that had always allowed you to stare into his soul to let you understand his feelings.

"i could never be ashamed to show you off but you have to understand i'm not a good person and letting anyone know how much you mean to me... i can't risk losing the only good thing i have" and it makes you feel weird, part of your brain tells you to kick him out because his words are not real.

but your heart is beating fast, the way jason looks at you and his voice feeling like a warm embrace that keeps you safe from the hard world, there's no pain when he's next to you "i don't know what you're talking about, jason, this just doesn't feel right"

"i've let you into my life, everything i am is an open book for you because i trust you" trying to calm down your words sound a bit more steady, not so broken when you look up at jason "because i love you and i want to share with you everything that i am, is it that i'm asking for too much?"

"that's not– you're not asking for too much, princess... you deserve the world laid at your feet but it's hard for me to let you into a world that you probably won't like" he says, looking away from you as if he felt shame about who he was "what if i let you in and you can't love who i really am?" his eyes bore into yours again, you can see the pain and fear on them.

jason can't stand thinking about losing another loved one because of his life.