#We never actually get proof that marriage exists as we know it is a thing on the boiling isles tbh. btw. i realised this while writing

[welcometogrouchland]

Also, vaguely related to the last post: I do think sometimes ppl overstate the like. Importance of religion/Christian culture when writing about the Wittebane brothers-

(not that it's not a very strong element of the story that Philip is a critique of Christian institutions, but rather bc, based on what we know, both of them stopped holding explicit Christian values at some point during adulthood, if they ever really cared and weren't just witch-hunting for social clout/material gains like the reenactment in thanks to them shows. Philip only uses it as an ideological shield to buster his own notion of heroism, as in, he knows Christianity is Good but he can't be bothered to actually demonstrate it's values (like not murdering your brother) which fits with his primary metaphor as a colonist/modern conservative.(bc something something social norms and dominant groups and excuse to commit heinous crimes you know are heinous but are apathetic towards) and uh. I think it's safe to say Caleb wasn't super concerned about things like sex w/in marriage when he was already bumping a supposed 'servant of the dark' (Evelyn, my faceless darling beloved). Okay, tangent over)

-but I will be the first to admit that, as an ex-catholic, sometimes applying a twisted version of the imagery associated with Christianity to a story about murder and betrayal fucks severely. even if I don't think it would hold great significance to Philip as a person/character if he were to creepily hum "oil in my lamp" as he lights the ring of fire that he and Caleb have their death match in (he's sooooo culturally Christian who considers himself an enlightened atheist on Reddit core)...the idea and how it'd look to us as an audience? Based.

[dutchdread]

"things won’t go well between Tifa and Cloud, even without Sephiroth", the most misrepresented quote in the LTD.

If you've spend any time looking into the LTD you'll probably have heard the claim that Nojima said that Cloud and Tifa were incompatible and that their problems have nothing to do with Sephiroth. This belief comes from a misunderstanding of the following quote.

“‘Episode Tifa’ … first off, there’s the premise that things won’t go well between Tifa and Cloud, and that even without Geostigma or Sephiroth this might be the same. I don’t really intend to go on about my views on love or marriage or family (laughs). After ACC, I guess Denzel and Marlene could help them work it out. Maybe things would have gone well with Aerith, but I think there is a great burden from Aerith."

~ Nojima

The meaning they're trying to take from the quote is that when Nojima says "without Sephiroth or Geostigma", that this refers to a scenario where Sephiroth had never existed. The implication being that the issues Tifa and Cloud are going through are internal, not external, and potentially even inherent to their natures. But what the actual "internal" problems they're facing are is never brought up, which is weird since this is rather important. What they want you to think is that the internal problems are either somehow inherent to them as a couple, aka, they're just not a good fit. Or else that the internal problem is "Cloud is in love with Aerith".

But the problem is that they don't provide evidence of any of this, and worse yet, we KNOW what the actual issues are. This quote isn't a mystery, we KNOW exactly what Nojima is referring to. This quote isn't a refutation to the Cloti telling of the story, like all pieces of evidence it supports Cloti perfectly but is simply unintentionally misunderstood or intentionally misrepresented. Before we go into the problems themselves though it's important to take a minute to notice something. Namely that inherent in the argument that "things aren't working out for Tifa and Cloud", is the idea that their relationship is one where 'working things out' is applicable as a concept. Much like getting a divorce is proof of marriage, using the fact that Cloud and Tifas relationship is going through a rough patch as evidence that they're not in a romantic relationship is....misguided. The next part of the quote makes this even more concrete: "I don’t really intend to go on about my views on love or marriage or family". So whenever people bring up Tifa and Clouds relationship troubles as evidence against Tifa and Cloud, please thank them for conceding that they're in a relationship.

So based on that, lets clearly lay out what is being asserted here in its most general form. The claim essentially has two parts. 1: "Cloud and Tifa are in a relationship, but it is troubled"

2: "The reason for these troubles is related to Aerith being the real love interest of the story"

Note that if they can't prove point 2, then this quote hard cements Cloti. The argument stands or falls on Clotis inability to address point 2.

So let's address it.

First lets address the "without Sephiroth or Geostigma" part. The interpretation that this is meant to be read as "if sephiroth was never born" is patently absurd. This is an interview about a very specific point in time in Cloud and Tifas life, which specifically points at a thing that happens in THAT point in time, namely Geostigma. He doesn't say something generic like "if Cloud and Tifa had never ran into hardships in their life they'd still be incompatible", no, he points at two specific things, Sephiroth and Geostigma. Geostigma we know is only a problem during the time of advent children, it's not a disease going back right through to Clouds childhood. Sephiroth is but he's also very specifically attacking Cloud DURING advent children, he returns DURING advent children. Clearly this quote is addressing the current events of Sephiroth and geostigma, aka, the movie, not the more generic impact that Sephiroth has had on Cloud and Tifas life since childhood. If that was meant to be the case he'd have said "sephiroth, jenova, and Shinra" or something else more chronically substantial. And what are the troubles they're going through? Well, luckily we don't have to guess, since that's been reiterated again and again and again and again. It's mentioned in games, it's mentioned in books, and it's mentioned in interviews.

"As long as Cloud blames himself for Aerith’s death, he won’t be able to move on with his life. One of the first ideas we had for Advent Children was to have Cloud overcome and resolve that immense feeling of guilt. For Cloud, no one other than Aerith can solve that problem for him." ~ pg. 58 of Reunion files.

Failing to protect people important to him is his sin… Convincing himself of this, Cloud shuts himself off. What does his meeting with Aerith bring him? ~ Cloud Strife profile 10th AU

Two years after returning to the planet, Aerith still lives on in the hearts of her friends who saved the planet. And in particular to Cloud, as a symbol of his failure to having being unable protect those dear to him, ~ Aerith Gainsborough 10th AU profile.

Cloud feels an incredible sense of guilt for not being able to save her, but sometimes he can still hear her voice in a soft whisper. ~ (Reunion Files, Aerith’s profile)

Zack&Aerith For Cloud, they were people whom he can never forget. The two irreplaceable people, Zack, “who was sent to death because of him”, and Aerith, “who met a tragic fate as he couldn’t protect her” became “the unforgivable sin” in his heart. ~ ACC POST CARD BOOK.

“I’m going to live. I think that’s the only way I can be forgiven. All sorts of things… happened.” ~ Cloud in case of Tifa

"Cloud is scared that the peace he has now might shatter, so he is living on his own." ~ Nomura

Deep down, Cloud knew that he shouldn’t be so hard on himself, but at the same time he couldn’t let go of those feelings of guilt for what happened to Aerith and Zack, or the thought that he could never forgive himself for it. But then his companions made him feel better by telling him to let go. - Takahiro Sakurai (Cloud’s voice actor) pg. 15 reunion files.

"She knew that Cloud was in great pain because he couldn’t protect Aerith. Cloud was trying to overcome that and live on" ~ Case of Tifa.

The happier he is now, The more Cloud is tormented by painful “memories” of the past. ~ Cloud’s 10th AU profile.

The more he realizes how happy he is living with Tifa and the children, the more the fear of losing that and regrets toward the past trouble Cloud… ~ Cloud’s 10th AU profile

"when Cloud contracts Geostigma he disappears. Behind these actions lies feelings of guilt towards his past failure to protect people who were important to him, but through his battle with Kadaj’s gang, the legacy of Jenova, he regains the courage to face reality." ~ FF7 10th Anniversary Ultimania Cloud Strife Profile

"Cloud continued to regret the deaths of his best friend and comrade, who were dear to him, in FFVII. In AC, he says “I want to be forgiven.” ~ Dissidia Cloud’s profile

"Cloud’s heart continued to be tormented by a deep sense of regret and blame towards himself." ~ Cloud’s Dengeki profile

Aerith still lives on in the hearts of her friends who saved the planet. And in particular to Cloud, as a symbol of his failure to having being unable protect those dear to him, she was a major factor in causing him to close himself off." ~ Aerith’s 10th anniversary profile.

“I want to be forgiven. Mm. More than anything.”-Cloud “By who?” ~ Aerith

“Isn’t it time you did the forgiving?” ~ Aerith to Cloud.

“But… I let you die…” ~ Cloud to Aerith

“I never blamed you. Not once, you came for me, that’s all that matter.” ~ Aerith to Cloud

“Are sins ever forgiven…?” ~ Cloud to Vincent

“I’m not fit to help anyone. Not my family. Not my friends. Nobody.” ~ Cloud to Tifa in ACC

You're too weak to save anyone, not even yourself ~ Sephiroth to Cloud in remake

"You've failed again I see" ~ Sephiroth to Cloud in remake

"It's just like, when I failed you" ~ Cloud in remake

Man, they sure love to go on and on about Cloud feeling guilty and wanting to be forgiven, about failing and feeling like he's not strong enough, that he can't protect anyone and that he'll fail again in the future....it's ALMOST as if Cloud has other things on his mind that don't have anything to do with his compatibility with Tifa and/or Aerith, it's ALMOST as if these things are central to his character arc. You could even say that these are troubles that have been with him for all his life and have been exasperated by the death of Zack and Aerith and his resulting fake persona. One could even say, that perhaps, just perhaps, CLOUD WOULD STILL HAVE STUFF TO DEAL WITH EVEN IF GEOSTIGMA AND SEPHIROTH HADN'T SHOWN UP IN ADVENT CHILDREN AND THIS IS NOT A GOD DAMN TEENAGE LOVE DRAMA! For the love of all that is holy, if you've ever used this quote to discredit Tifa and Cloud, STOP. Stop making this sorry excuse of a "point", stop linking this quote and thinking it supports Clerith, it doesn't, this is insanity, you are demented. So based on everything I've said, here Is Nojimas quote again, paraphrased by me to steelman its meaning. "Cloud is going through an internal arc, his problems are not just finding a cure for his disease and stopping the remnants and Sephiroth, his real fight is internal, he has to forgive himself".

The quote has nothing to do with Nojima trying to disprove Cloti, and only the most fanatically misguided shippers would ever think otherwise. Shippers are often accused of making everything about romance and when it comes to Cleriths they are right. The idea that Nojima here is just looking at FFVII as a romance story, rather than him addressing the specific events that happen in ACC and OTWAS is childish to the extreme. Cleriths thinking that this quote does them favors only serves as more proof that they simply don't know what they're talking about, this is a childs interpretation of storytelling and anyone agreeing with it should feel a deep sense of shame concerning their own lack of comprehensive reading skills.

[ouatsnark]

CaptainSwan has an abusive marriage because Hook was a villain. DEBUNKED.

I had a request on X formerly known as Twitter to debunk the below CaptainSwan hate. I think I have covered all of this before but I thought I might remind the Regina Apologists that if you use these arguments against CaptainSwan you’re a raging hypocrite. So yes, this is going to be another “but what about your ship” post just for the purpose of pointing out the hypocrisy.

So buckle up CSers and let’s dive into another installment of “WTF did that Regina apologist just say!?”

Proof of Emma & Killian’s Abusive Marriage?

Apparently Emma is doomed to a life of abuse, because according to Regina Apologists, Killian has a history of abusing Emma:

Hook physical assaulted Emma: Body Slamming, Shoved, abused other women too (villain Hook)

Hook sexual assaulted Emma and other women (false)

Hook attempted to kidnap Emma’s son (a swing & a miss)

Hook has poor communication skills (writing trope, stfu)

Hook has a drinking problem (HAD. therefor head canon)

Hook is rude to Emma’s mother (shower remark) and Henry (ONE TIME. You’re never rude to anyone?)

Hook shifts blame from himself to Emma (ONE TIME if you even want to count this & it’s about killing David’s father & he corrected himself)

Hook made Emma co-dependent as she was willing to let her parents die and her brother become an orphan (What is this even? Is it the Under World trip? But Henry isn’t mentioned… I think they got their Regina list confused with the Killian list.)

Hook treated her like trash, manipulated & lied to her, put her down, especially when angry (Villain/DO Hook)

Hook jumped off a roof just to get Emma to talk to him (get over it losers)

Hook is Professor of Moodiness 101 (What is that even? They didn’t have enough bullet points I guess)

Hook thinks family and friends are possessions but Emma’s loved ones are threatened by Killian?? Tried to maliciously kill Emma’s family and friends (more Villain/Dark Hook & he apologized, went to hell and was tortured)

What about the future of Regina & Emma's toxic friendship (cause canonically that's all that existed)?

Regina physically assaulted Emma and plenty of other people too.

Regina sexually assaulted Graham AND y’all seem to think “taste my forbidden (poison) fruit” is sexual.

Regina abused Emma’s son, tried to turn him against her and then attempted to kidnap him (she was evil so she had no rights, please understand this)

Regina has a self-centered, wont listen to anyone else, attitude problem

Regina also has poor communication skills

Regina is rude to Emma’s family and friends ALL OF THE TIME. So not just once like Killian. But All the time.

Regina was the one that actually let Emma’s parents sacrifice themselves in S6 for her instead of being a true hero.

Regina actually treated Emma like garbage before and after her supposed redemption (Regina lied, manipulated, used, insulted, degraded and dismissed Emma all 6 seasons)

Regina used the dagger to hurt Emma and tried to force Emma to tell her secrets that Emma didn’t want to share with Regina

Regina murdered Emma’s wish parents in front of her & no amount of begging made her stop (she still failed)

Regina destroyed Emma’s life and was the one to actually try and murder Emma and her parents on multiple occasions AND SHE DOES NOT REGRET IT.

If things that Villain Hook and the Hook consumed by Darkness did is proof that redeemed Killian Jones will abuse Emma Swan then the exact same can be said for Regina Mills. And Regina was never consumed by darkness. I know you all like to pretend that Dark Hook was the “Real Hook” but it wasn’t and you need to get over that. The darkness controls & manipulates its host but you’d know that if you looked at Rumple or even watched Season 5.

So are we done using these as reasons Emma and Killian will have an abusive marriage? Because obviously if SwanQueen had ever been a thing then they would have an extremely abusive partnership if we apply this same logic to them. Actually, Regina is more likely to abuse Emma than Killian Jones because between the two of them my list is more accurate for her and she has history of domestic violence (Graham, Snow, Henry, King Leo, her father). And the fact that Regina is an abusive “friend”.

But OUATSnark, all of these one time things add up! Yeah, we’re human beings. Our mistakes tend to do that. That’s why circumstances, context, intent and patterns and responses matter. So let’s break these down one by one shall we? I will be throwing Rumbelle into the mix just in case any Rumbellers out there wanna agree with the Regina Apologists.

Physical Assault

CLAIM: Hook physically assaulted Emma by body slamming her and shoving her. He also physically abused other women.

CORRECTION! Emma and Hook physically assaulted each other. Kinda. Is this what the kids are calling sword fights these days? This happened when Hook was a villain. When Emma and Hook were on opposing sides. Yes, they had a sword fight. Things happen during a sword fight. You know how that ended? He got a rock to the face. Way to go Emma! That was also after she betrayed him. Way to not listen to your literal inner voice, Emma. And yes, Hook gave her a little shove out of the way to get to Rumple. All of this happened when they were still enemies.

Neither Hook nor Emma touch each other in a violent way once he is on his path to redemption and aside from them being literally consumed by evil. Them as dark ones is not a measuring tool for how they are since they’re no longer consumed by evil.

Other abuse: Yes, Hook was a villain. He had victims that were women. He had victims that were men, too. The women victims, however, weren’t victims because they were women or because he was seeking to control them in a relationship so that does not mean he’d be an abusive husband. He was an equal opportunist villain. Please check his EQUAL partnership with Milah as more proof he is not a domestic abuser. Just because someone commits one kind of crime doesn’t mean they commit all kinds of different crimes. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

So why is all of this a problem now that Hook’s redeemed? It’s not a problem unless you hate CaptainSwan because you (wrongly) think Hook ruined your chances at your actual abusive toxic ship because…

Regina was physically abusive to Emma before her redemption:

She tried to poison Emma, twice (S1)

Threw her down a driveway (S2 when Emma rightly called Henry “HER SON”)

Punched her (S1 over Graham)

Choked her (S2 trying to stop Emma from getting in the way of turning Cora into a DO)

So Regina also has a history of being physically abusive to Emma when they were still enemies. I guess that means Swanqueen would have a terribly abusive marriage too, then, right? Or are you a double standard hypocrite? For the record, I don’t think the above is proof she undoubtedly would be. However…

Oh but wait, Regina was physically abusive to Emma AFTER her redemption:

Regina used the dagger to control Emma and LIKED that it hurt Emma. This is only significant because Regina reveled in hurting Emma with that dagger. She didn’t even apologize or care either. In fact she thought it was great that she made Emma thank her. That’s just abusive behavior. I’m sorry. When you hurt someone you love you apologize even if it’s an accident. And you sure as hell do not do it again then demand being thanked!

She used that dagger to torture Emma into revealing truths to her that Emma didn’t want to tell her. Regina might have been trying to help but she continued when an obviously hurting Emma BEGGED her to stop. Regina ultimately failed. But if Hook’s past is a reason you claim he’ll physically hurt Emma in the future then this is definitely a sign that Regina will push Emma past her breaking point if Regina wants something from her bad enough. Fair is fair, y’all!

Regina then murdered Emma’s wish parent’s in front of her Emma’s anguish didn’t even phase Regina. Again she pushed Emma past her breaking point and didn’t stop. SHE DID NOT STOP. Because Regina wanted to be the hero by any means necessary and she still failed! Emma’s pain is what brought Killian out of the darkness. Regina just kept on going!

Other abuses: Aside from all the murder, she choked a village child, abused her knights, tortured people and goodness knows what other things during her years of Tyranny. So. Yes, Regina likes to abuse people. She abused Belle after her redemption and didn’t care. She verbally abused young August (yes, she snapped under pressure but she is rude to someone at least every episode).

But do you know what Regina’s big red flag is? She forced Graham to have a relationship with her then killed him for rejecting her.

So which one is more likely to domestically abuse Emma and force her into a relationship? Hook or Regina? Regina has a history of domestic abuse so the answer would be Regina.

And for you Rumbellers out there that think Rumbelle had a beautiful marriage, lets remind you that Rumple was physically abusive to Belle:

Shook her

Threw her in a tower & locked her away

Put her in a sleeping curse

Uh oh looks like Rumbelle is going to be a highly physically abusive marriage! But wait, we already knew that. At least those of us without blinders on.

Newsflash y’all the enemies to lovers ships have a history of fighting. Shocker. But the only one to come to physical abuse AFTER redemption was SwanQueen. Therefor if you ship SwanQueen you shouldn’t be saying “CaptainSwan’s marriage is violent because of stuff that happens when they’re enemies”. And if you ship Rumbelle you should just stop talking all together.

Sexual Assault

CLAIM: Killian kissed Emma without her consent! He’s a pirate! All pirates rape! And he’s admitted to getting women drunk to rape them!

Do I have to say this again? Killian was trying to break a curse. The writers were paralleling them with Snowing. Just get over it!

And no, just because he was a pirate that doesn’t make him a canon rapist. You want to fanon him as one? That’s sick but it’s your right. But your fanon is not proof of canon.

And those words were not in that EF pub scene, that is not what that scene was about, and Emma has NO REACTION? Please just exercise some honesty and use some brain cells, I beg you!

Besides, If Hook is a sexual abuser because of the attempted true love kiss then so is David. If we follow this logic then surely he assaults Snow on a nightly basis, right? This isn’t meant to be a strawman argument… I am just trying to point out the hypocrisy. I know no one believes David does this cause it’d be far too ridiculous. So why is Hook held to a different standard? Because he is a villain or because you just hate him? Cause both kisses happened under the same circumstances and we never see Hook force a kiss on anyone outside of this very specific circumstance.

But let’s talk about Regina. Since y’all think “how to get the savior to taste my forbidden (poison) fruit” is something sexual then what does that say about your ship? Because to me it says sexual abuse is just fine as long as it’s Regina doing it. And as I said earlier she forced Graham into a relationship with her. She sexually assaulted him for 28 years then murdered him when he rejected her. What about David? Yes, her trying to seduce a cursed David is 100% attempted sexual assault. I’ve even seen people convincingly argue that she’s even touched Killian inappropriately and suggested she’d make David a sex slave when she had him in her prison.

And for you RUMBELLE stans out there: Yes, Rumple assaults Belle several times. Once when he was masquerading as Killian AFTER her rejection and ejection from her life. He uses the author to re-write her as his wife AFTER her rejection. And he kisses her without permission while she’s in the sleeping curse AFTER she’s rejected him again.

OK while we’re here let me just draw the SWANFIRE fans into this: Yeah yeah yeah Neal wouldn’t have been charged for statutory rape since 16 was the age of consent in that state but lets not pretend that a 150 yr old with a 16/17 year old isn’t cringy. His body might not have aged but he has the experience of two lifetimes worth of emotional and mental maturity. And again it’s just sick.

So I ask you… out of all these couples…which one is more likely to sexually abuse their partner? Regina and Rumple is the answer because they have CANON history of doing so. Neal is more likely to cheat on Emma with a much younger woman. Deal with it.

So lets also scratch sexual abuse off your reasons CaptainSwan is abusive cause one, its a lie and two, your favorite (Rumple, Regina or Neal) is actually the canon rapist.

Kidnapping Henry

CLAIM: “Hook attempted to kidnap her son. (To save him from Zelena, Cool motive. Still kidnapping)… I’m sure none of these things will cause problems in their marriage [sarcasm]”

So apparently Hook attempting to kidnap Henry to save him from Zelena is proof that Hook is going to abuse Emma during their marriage? Or maybe they meant Henry? Still. Say what? That does not even make even a little bit of sense. But to say this as someone who ships Regina and Emma? Are you for real? Lets review.

Regina actually physically and emotionally abused Henry.

Regina poisoned Henry (To kill Emma. Cool motive. Still did it.)

Regina mind-wiped Henry so she could kidnap him to the Enchanted Forest and leave Emma to die (she had no rights to him)

Regina used vines to restrain Henry after his rejecting her Regina gaslit Henry and made him & everyone else think he's crazy.

Regina lied & manipulated Henry to get him to hate Emma and Snow

Regina used him to get Emma to leave the jail so she could talk to a prisoner

Regina sent Emma’s son to spy on the dark one so she could rewrite her own story & screw up everyone elses

Hell, Emma kidnapped him in Season 1 to get him away from Regina’s abusive ass!

So before you use “Hook kidnapped Henry” as an excuse as to why CaptainSwan will have an abusive marriage please check your own ship first because Regina actually has a history of abusing Henry to get what she wants. At least Hook was attempting to protect him. Regina was purposefully hurting him.

Furthermore... I know you all would have been 100x more critical if Killian did nothing or if he'd chanced telling Emma. You all would say he was still endangering Henry. So, honestly, save your fake outrage.

Poor Communication Skills

CLAIM: “Hook got drunk instead of telling Emma the truth about her grandfather"

Since Hook got a little drunk one time while trying to work up the courage to tell Emma about David’s father he now has poor communication skills? That’s right folks. One time. See logical people understand that if something happens one time it’s not an indication that it is an ongoing problem. But if you hate Killian Jones it is an excuse to say that if he did it once of course he does it all the time!

Also it’s not like failing to tell someone something isn’t the oldest writing trope of all time. That couldn’t be it, could it!??? Like this is such a pathetic reach. CaptainSwan talk all the time about everything. About his part in Rumple’s past. That time he sat down with her and helped her see what her parents were going through. The fact that he’s always the one to say “I love you” first. But sure you go ahead and ignore that.

What about Regina and Emma? Regina had to use the dagger on Emma to try and get her to tell her why Emma was holding onto the darkness. All Killian had to do was ask. Regina dragged Emma to a bar to get her to open up about Killian leaving and Emma opened up to a bar tender instead! Regina refused to talk to Emma about Robin. Regina refused to listen to Emma about Henry/Pan and just walked away instead of communicating! Regina went back to Cora instead of seeking help from Emma. So far I am seeing more instances of SwanQueen not communicating!

You wanna talk about RUMBELLE’S communication or lack thereof? When did you ever hear Rumple ask Belle what she wanted? Cause he basically was just like “I’m gonna move your life around where I want it without asking”.

So again, what ship has the worse communication problems? Regina and Emma’s friendship sucks but honestly I’d give this one to Rumple since he just takes charge of Belle’s life.

Alcoholism

Hook apparently STILL has a drinking problem. Did you guys know that? I didn’t. Literally news to me! OK I’ve heard the claim before but it’s just another reach and a miss. Claims of Hook having a drinking problem are from biased people who’ve obviously never seen alcoholism. Or someone who successfully got on the wagon and stayed on it.

First off, no drunk is the same. You have angry drunks, friendly drunks, happy drunks, sleepy drunks, hyper drunks. We never see Hook as an angry drunk. So to say that he’s an angry abusive drunk is 100% fanon. We actually see him as a pretty happy, charming, drunk who’s giving Emma an out on whether or not to accompany him to his ship. So obviously not an angry or controlling drunk.

Secondly, has anyone actually counted how many times we’ve seen him drink? Because it was not every episode. NM that having one drink a day doesn’t make you an alcoholic. Getting drunk every once in a while does not make you an alcoholic. If it did then I guess I’d better get myself to AA.

Thirdly, we only see him as a falling down drunk on a few occasions. We know he was a drunk while on a slaver ship. And if you're going to hold that against him then I know you're a biased hypocrite who only cares about your fanon version of Regina's childhood and refuses to think about the fact that Killian was sold as a child slave. Liam pulled him out of that life and he was a good sailor in the navy (until the king double crossed them). The next time we see him as a falling down drunk was the season 3 finale when Emma was plying him with alcohol to keep him distracted. He was inebriated when he proposed but he was neither stumbling nor slurring his words.

So my point is: We never see present day Killian Jones drunk when he is needed or shirking his duties because of it. Alcoholism destroys jobs, relationships and your ability to function in life on a weekly if not daily basis. When did Killian do any of that? Again. Having a couple of drinks does not make you an alcoholic.

Furthermore, Hook is over 300 years old. If he STILL had an alcohol problem he’d have succumbed to it by now. But he obviously overcame that addiction since leaving the slave ship. There is nothing in canon about present day Killian Jones to suggest he'd fall back into alcoholism since he has something to live for and isn't being abused on a slave ship.

Just admit you all look for ways to hate on the ship instead of being honest.

Being rude to Emma’s mother and Henry

CLAIM: "Hook was rude to Snow & made a remark about needing a shower. He also snapped at Henry."

So let me get this straight. One joke about taking a cold shower means Killian will be so rude to Snow in the future that it will affect his marriage to Emma? Where is the pattern? It happening one time (I never took this as being rude but hey you’re welcome to the opinion) doesn’t indicate a problem. None of us ever behave perfectly. But apparently Killian Jones has to or else y'all go into hysterics!

I think it’s rather unfair to take one instance, blow it out of proportion, and use it to say CaptainSwan is abusive or will have an abusive marriage. If you don’t think it’s funny, that’s fine. Just acknowledge your bias and move on.

And the thing about Hook snapping at Henry? Again. ONE TIME. And it was under stressful circumstances. It’s not like the frustration was coming out of nowhere. The lives of people he cared about were in danger. And if you know anything about Hook, he hates just sitting still. I mean watch how antsy he was waiting on Merlin to find a way to help Emma. His reaction was 100% wrong. But it was also human.

Do you all know how often Regina puts Snow down? Are you all aware of it? I know you guys like to call it “sass” but clutching your pearls over one joke makes y’all look like hypocrites. I can let one thing slide but you know something is wrong when there is a pattern and Regina has a consistent pattern. She does it all the time. And it’s not even just to Snow! She is rude to Emma’s friends as well and the man Emma is dating. I don’t care if you hate the person your BFF is dating. You don’t put them down. It’s not going to do anyone any good except to hurt the person you profess to care about. And that’s not being a very good friend is it? No.

So I ask you again. Who is more likely to consistently insult Emma’s loved ones in the future? Regina. She has the pattern and the history of doing so. Therefor, strike this off your reasons to hate on CaptainSwan because your queen is just as guilty!

P.S. Rumbellers - don't think you're off the hook here. Be for real. Rumple doesn't value anyone's life except his own (and therefor Belle's because he wants her).

Shifts Blame

CLAIM: “Hook shifts blame from himself to Emma and blames her for not being able to tell her about David’s father”

“I swear to you… I wanted to tell you. I tried. But then you found that ring, and I just couldn't bear to ruin that happiness. Because I was ashamed, Emma, and scared of losing you and everything that matters to me.”

I never took Killian’s line here as him shifting blame. He was not accusing her. His tone was not accusatory. He was explaining to her why he couldn’t bring himself to ruin her happiness. He also goes onto explain how ashamed he was. All of that played a part in him making the wrong decision.

If you want to see this as him shifting blame. Ok. That’s you're right. HOWEVER. Again. To say that this one moment of weakness defines their entire relationship is completely dishonest especially since he totally recognizes his fault and says so the moment he reunites with her. And this is literally the only instance you can find of Killian (possibly) shifting blame.

I also think it’s very disingenuous seeing that he could have continued to blame Emma for everything he did as Dark Hook since she went against his wishes. But he didn’t. He took responsibility for his weakness. So this thing over David’s father is not a normal every day behavior. Y’all act like he’s gonna yell at her about dirty dishes he left in the sink and it’s just absurd. Killian was sincere when he tells her "I could never be angry with you" and he's pretty much lived up to that since his redemption.

Furthermore, have you never been so embarrassed by something you did that you tried to get away from it? What Killian Jones did was a very human reaction to immense guilt.

And then you have Regina Mills. She is the queen of shifting blame and she’s done it more than once. Tried to blame Henry being in the mine on Emma when it was really her fault. The entire Marian arc was about blaming Emma for her own mess. Regina blamed Emma for the wraith chasing Robin Hood. Blames Emma for having to kill Wish Snowing. She NEVER apologizes for any of that. The author only records what happens (only one canon instance where the author abused his powers to manipulate a story and that was Snowing) yet Regina blames the book for the choices she made. Regina blamed Snow for making her the evil queen when Regina chose to do what she did of her own free will. She blames Rumple as well and while Rumple might have handed her the key she chose to take it and open up the door to dark magic. She sought Rumple out. She chose to go down that path. But everyone else gets blamed besides Regina. Cora gets blamed even though she was long gone when Regina sought Rumple out because she admitted to LIKING the dark magic. Hell, for a good portion of S6 they all acted like the evil queen was a separate entity!

Co-dependence

CLAIM: “Killian made Emma co-dependent as she was willing to let her parents die and her brother become an orphan“

WHEN WAS THIS? I don’t think it is S5 otherwise they’d mention Henry. If they are talking about S6 that was Regina… like when I say they project, they project! Emma tried to stop serumQueen. You know who could have easily stopped the serumQueen? Regina. By using her own heart. But she only did that to save Zelena. Regina also could have sacrificed herself to save the very people that are responsible for the 999 chances she's gotten and whose lives she destroyed.

So laying this on Emma is just an outrageous reach especially calling it co-dependent when just last season Emma set out to kill Dark Hook and then made the decision to leave Killian in the Underworld and return to Storybrooke.

You want to talk about co-dependence?

Regina was so damn dependent on Robin and getting her happy ending that she shut Henry out of his occasional home so she could mope. She was so damn dependent on Robin for happiness that she thought about destroying Emma’s happiness with Hook. Regina was so dependent on Robin that she abandoned Emma and their ride BACK TO HENRY to chase Wish Robin after she just got done reassuring Emma that Wish People weren’t real! Kindly STFU.

You want to talk about co-dependence?

Rumple refuses to let Belle go.

Badly treated: manipulation, lies, insults, etc

The only times Killian has ever treated Emma like “trash” is when he was a villain (and she gave it right back to him) and when he was literally cursed by darkness. And no, my little Regina apologists, his Dark One Hook persona is not who he REALLY is. Who he REALLY is, is the man we saw right before being consumed and after. The man who always put Emma first, encouraged her, supported her and believed in her. If you follow canon, it is quite clear that being consumed by darkness changes you and not only that the darkness was pushing for him to hate Emma so that they could separate them and use Killian to get what they wanted.

What really irks me is that if everything Killian said to Emma while a villain or consumed by darkness is reason that redeemed Killian would abuse Emma later in marriage then newsflash hypocrites Regina would do 10x worse. Because even after her supposed redemption Regina insulted Emma and ridiculed nearly ever plan or idea she came up with. Yet it is OK to ship Emma with Regina? So let’s review.

Regina treating Emma like garbage, lying, manipulating, insulting her etc etc BEFORE her redemption:

Regina: I will destroy you if it is the last thing I do.

Regina: …How grateful I am to have Henry. Because not having someone? Well, that’s the worst curse imaginable. (Praying on Emma’s vulnerability)

Blaming Emma for Henry being the mine when it's Regina's fault

Regina: Well, of course not. Because you’re incapable of feeling anything for anyone. There’s a reason you’re alone, isn’t there? (again praying on Emma's vulnerability & shifting blame for emma's life)

Fires Emma from her job. Says she doesn’t deserve the badge.

Regina: Well, I think you picked a really slow horse this time. It’s not like you to back a loser.

That time she published Emma’s jail record; Regina: Oh, I’m sorry. You didn’t want people to know you cut his cord with a shiv?

Snaps at Emma for saving her in a fire

Regina Mills spent the first season trying to turn Henry against Emma

Would have let Emma die but only saved her and Snow in the end because of Henry (s2)

Regina: Because you know so much about parenting in the five minutes you’ve been with him. Talk to David. At least he took care of him while you were away. Like I did, during the ten years you were away the first time. (anti-birth parent rhetoric, victim blaming & diminishing the child abuse she put Henry through)

Regina: Miss Swan. I assume you’re here to apologize. - where the eff is her apology for everything?

Regina: He's not yours. He's mine. And after I cast this, you'll never see him again.

Regina called her an idiot

Dismissing Emma about fearing for Henry in NL (S3)

So surely if all of Killian’s words against Emma before his redemption & during being consumed by darkness is a sign he’d continue long into their marriage then Regina’s insults and ill treatment are a sign she’d do the same? Right?

Oh but wait, Regina’s ill treatment of Emma AFTER her redemption:

Dismissing Emma’s struggle as Dark Swan & acting like she knows more about what’s it like to be consumed by evil when she has never been consumed (5x23)

Acting like she’s the only one to ever lose love (S5, Robin stabbing)

Never once thinking of Emma when Hook died - all she could do is belittle Emma over trying to save him because it effected her yet she did the same thing with Robin & even Daniel! 

Wanted her HEA at the expense of others & endangered Henry to get it & also ignored the danger Emma was in to find it (s4 over rewriting the book)

Saying she was Henry’s best chance during the Shattered Sight curse (s4) and that wasn't true

Ignoring Emma’s concerns about Henry and falsely accusing Emma of being jealous (Pan-S3)

Making Emma feel bad about Henry’s tear all because she is jealous she doesn’t know Henry as well as Emma & ignoring how much she hurt Henry (S5 finale)

Regina called Emma a problem (5x01)

Regina stole Emma’s agency because she didn’t trust her to make the right choice whereas Killian insisted it had to be her choice without forcing her.

Regina believed the worse; that Emma would destroy light magic.

Regina blamed Emma right away for the demon. She never apologized (5x02).

THE ENTIRE MARIAN ARC. Regina had Emma doubting in herself when in fact everything that was happening was Regina’s fault.

Calls Emma an idiot again

Regina claims Emma ruined her life

Regina often doubted Emma’s abilities & thought she was more capable and Regina refused to follow her leadership (S3 over the map, S3 over Zelena, S3 over finding Neal who could read the star map, S6 in mirror mirror)

She often used anti-birth mother rhetoric (accusing Emma of being jealous in 3x10, being safer with her in shattered sight curse, S5 finale over Henry & Violet’s favorite song & the sEQ calling herself his real mother).

Swanfire really needs to shut up about this too. Emma and Neal weren’t enemies so their list isn’t as dramatic as SwanQueen and CaptainSwan but it doesn’t mean it isn't bad! And it is bad considering the fact that Neal abandoned her, laughed about her powers, yelled at her for not telling him about Henry AFTER he was the one to walk away from her, let her take the fall for his crimes and then only tried to get her back when it was convenient for HIM.

Rumbellers also have no room to criticize Killian’s past and use it as a way to disparage CaptainSwan because their ship is full of horrible things. Adultery. Liking Belle to an object to have (makes statements that he can have Belle and his power). Lied to her about the dagger then married her anyway. Thinks Belle is ignorant and wants to keep her that way. Literally shackled her with that bracelet to control her.

OutlawQueen can take a seat too. The fact that they committed adultery next to his dying wife's frozen body makes that ship absolutely disgusting. And yes, it counts because they believed her to be his wife. Intent matters. And the fact that Regina never told him the truth or how she wanted to make sure his son never had a mother so she could have Robin. AWFUL.

Hook jumped off a roof just to get Emma to talk to him

Come talk to me when he does this cause she’s on a date with someone else, just sitting around talking to her friends or family or you know otherwise busy and when they aren’t in the middle of a major crisis where everyone could die.

Hook is the Professor of Moodiness 101

Seriously. Wtf is this? They didn’t have enough bullet points I guess? Have they met Regina Mills? Cause Regina is constantly snapping at everyone. I know you all like to laugh and say “she’s just sassy” but that doesn’t make her comments or the tone she says them in any less rude. And no one laughs but you all. And yes, she does this a lot in frustrating moments but it’s all the time compared to Killian’s …what? Two?

Whether you all like it or not Killian Jones's attitude is dramatically different after the S3 winter finale onward. And he improves even more after the s4 winter finale. By the time we get to the last half of Season 5 we are looking at a much more mature Killian Jones being the man he was always meant to be.

But Regina? Regina never loses her attitude. She may have stopped killing. She may have joined team hero to get her happy ending. But she is still rude and extremely self-centered.

Trying to murder friends and loved ones

CLAIM: Family and friends are possessions but Emma’s loved ones are threatened by Killian?? Tried to maliciously kill Emma’s family and friends

I love how they threw “maliciously” in there like there is any other way to try to kill someone? Gotta make it sound more sinister, I guess? Ok Regina Apologist! Whatever floats your boat!

I think this refers to Killian being consumed by darkness which he only did because he was indeed consumed by darkness. So if this is why Killian will abuse Emma in the future then surely Regina’s lifelong goal of killing Emma and the Charmings is also cause to say that she too would abuse Emma in the future? Otherwise I missed all of the plotting he did before and after? He doesn’t have cause to try and kill Emma’s friends or family. He never did. So the only way this would occur is if he’s cursed again.

Regina has reasons to though! Out of jealousy and her want to have Henry to herself! So yes, my little Regina apologist. Regina is more likely to snap later on and decide she’s sick of watching everyone else be happy and create another curse. Just look at how much she wanted to steal Emma’s happiness when she lost Robin? That is after her “redemption” too.

And for you Rumbellers out there, Rumple tried in S4, 5, 6 and 7 to isolate Belle from everyone by killing them off or harming them in some way. And when he finally managed to get her alone, she rapidly aged and died. So really you all have no room to talk about any other ship.

Regina also tried to murder Robin's wife. So OutlawQueen can also scratch this one out. I mean the only reason they're together is because Regina murdered his wife.

CONCLUSION: Regina is more likely to abuse her future partner & Rumbelle is the poster ship for domestic abuse

So heads up OutlawQueen, SwanFire, SwanQueen, Rumbellers or pretty much any ship outside of Snowing... do not come at my ship for things that have nothing to do with the present day relationship when I have plenty of "present time" receipts to make your ship look 10x worse.

CaptainSwan fans ship Emma Swan with the Killian Jones who was the only one to ever put her first, let her make every decision moving forward in their relationship and was the only one to always believe in her.

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

Hello, I' ve been reading your blog for quite some time and its existence makes me feel better both in general and especially when I get really annoyed and frustrated by crazy zutara shippers (not the sane ones, of course).

I would like to add some observations I made and haven't seen here. I've read many pro-zutara metas, both mentioned here and the ones I accidentaly found myself, and I notice one thing. The shippers often (always?) claim that Katara and Zuko MUST be together, but almost never say that they actually WANT to be together. It's the shippers who want zutara to happen, but not the characters themselves. And these people complain that in kataang Katara has no voice!

Literally: Zutara shippers: In our ship Katara can finally voice her wants and needs and be heard, both by Zuko and us, since we all respect her so very much! Katara, voicing it: I am not Zuko's girlfriend! *seriously, that was the scene used as proof for this pro-zutara statement in one of the metas mentioned in the ask recently* Zutara shippers: Ignore that, she's in denial.

It became even better in the so-called "official dissertation" (gosh, there are so many lies and misinterpretations, I could talk about every single one of them, if you want) where the author wrote just that: "Sure, Zuko and Katara expressed no explicit romantic interest in one another in canon" just admitting: "I typed a six-part post explaining how this pairing, both participants of which don't want to be a romantic couple at all, should be canon".

Oh, yeah, that is a BIG thing with zutarians. It's exactly because they know that Zuko and Katara don't actually have feelings for each other, that they have to find other (often super convoluted) reasons for this "romance" to happen.

The Fire Nation HAS to be the "feminist" nation while everywhere else is a hellhole where women are nothing but property and baby-makers. The Fire Nation HAS to suddenly only be able to peacefully co-exist with the rest of the world if it suddenly stops being racist over night, being not only okay with the Fire Lord marrying the daughter of lider of a tribe they consider inferior and barbaric, but actually seeing her as the ONLY option for bride.

The Gaang, Katara's family and tribe, and basically every male ever, all NEED to see her as basically their maid and not actually care about who she is, so Zuko will be the only decent option for husband. Zuko NEEDS to be a billion times more traumatized by everything he went through while Katara is the only one that, by some miracle, can "fix" him just by existing so she'll be forced into the role of wife/caretaker/therapist, otherwise she'll psychologically destroy him.

Aang and Mai (as well as other characters like, say, Jet) NEED to be completely selfish, uncaring, abusive, evil tyrants that will inevitably become such unbelievable threats that they just HAVE to be killed so the possibility of Katara and Zuko so much as having ANY positive feelings towards them, let alone choose to be with them, is just no longer on the table.

Zutarians know they HAVE to make Zuko and Katara basically be forced into a relationship with each other, because it's very clear that they'd never pursue it willingly.

And somehow, that's "true love" instead of, at best (and this is me being VERY generous here) a mutually benefitial arranged marriage with no real feelings involved, or at worst just two people giving into despair and never, ever finding real happiness in this relationship they feel trapped in because said relationship was a big mistake.

[dr-mesmer]

I’m so happy to see someone else interested in her character!! there’s like actually zero content about her so 😭

I was wondering if you had any headcanons or stuff about her? I’ve always sort of thought that she married Alva in a lavender marriage, and maybe he kinda helped cover for her being interested in things that were not encouraged for women to learn about because of the period typical misogyny. I’ve kinda headcanon them as besties, but I really want to hear about what other people think of her character 👀

We used to make designs of her which established the one that I'm currently using in my fanarts.

There are quite a few versions of the backstory we made for her but in the end it all depends on if she is related to the cult or not 🤔

Some more under the cut, though it's just a fan story we made for fun so take it with a grain of salt.

(Send your Mrs. Lorenz headcanons fellas)

In both versions she is born into a family of nobles. She has a strong, fiery personality. (I also sometimes give her prosopagnosia just so she wouldn't recognize people in the game if it ever occurred) She has many older sisters. All of them got married off to men who eventually turned out to be quite awful. There was even a case of one of her sisters dying as a result of an abuse she suffered. Seeing this, she refused to get married herself. That was until she was threatened to be disowned and she was forced to get married to Alva.

She gets involved with the local charities, speaking up at social events about the changes that could be done to secure women's safety... And she is deemed arrogant for that, getting in many arguments with men in power.

Their relationship stays vague in both versions, though she sees him as a kind man in the end.

When tragedy struck, she was the one begging the judge to give Luca the death sentence. It was yet another proof to her that men couldn't be trusted.

In version number one she gets to the manor because of the letter that was originally sent to Alva. Though, it arrived too late, she still wanted to get answers about what pushed Luca to the murder. She survived the first game since she couldn't connect with others and didn't get mixed up in their schemes. Orpheus, knowing that she wouldn't be able to remember his face, tricked her into thinking that he was a part of the game. The experiment was supposed to check if the drugs were able to bring back memories that never existed in the first place (her husband's face). That's where her hunter form is shown. Her teammates end up burying her alive in one of the empty spots at the Red Church.

Version number two came up when Master Herald was mentioned. So far it's my favorite. In this story she is praying to the Eye of the Darkness, not knowing which god she is actually praying to. She found the pendant, kept it as her own and prayed to it. She prayed for Herman's death, deeming him a violent man no different from the ones she knew in her past. The Eye of the Darkness listened, of course, luring her in to continue her prayers. She prayed for a child. But instead of conceiving one, she ended up loving Luca as her son. Which ended up in the tragedy because every wish has to come with a sacrifice. In the game she bonds with Ann the most, acting quite motherly towards her.

Anyway yeah blah blah cringe backstory but it was fun to make

I LOVE YOU MRS. LORENZ PLEASE GIVE ME ONE CHANCE-

[dumuzithemessiah]

Jesus is evil unlike me who only fights because I am trying to protect the rest of the Universe

Old Testament proof:

Luke 19:27

"But those enemies of mine who did not want me to be king over them—bring them here and kill them in front of me."

Plus he says he’ll come back with a sword which means he wants to kill all non Christians! The fact he wants specifically those who don’t except his evil ass as king proves he is evil and those who spread war, hate, genocide, intolerance to those born different, and to kill those who are simply different proves Christianity is a evil religion!

The more you look at original source and ignore the delusional bullshit New Testament which was butchered to get more followers to brainwash more people into following their cult of hate!

Christianity is a religion based on lies, hate, racism, murder, war, intolerance, and spreads homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, and enbyphobia which that last one is discrimination against non binaries!

As the real Messiah and true god that created the Kosmos and the original Universe I am nothing like the false prophet Jesus!

The word Messiah means “The Rainbow Hero” and “Hero of Rainbows” even though the rainbows are actually moonbows aka lunar rainbows!

The word Messiah only applies to me and I wouldn’t wish the suffering I’ve been through on any innocent life…

My posts already said how bad my past was and how much I’ve suffered!

How would you feel if some brutish female forced you into marriage by using evil magic to make you agree, took you hostage essentially kidnaping you, tortured you with fire, scarred your body, ripped your right eye out and cursed the area to prevent it from growing back, hurt your loved ones, and also spread genocides, war, and became the Universe’s number one most wanted?!

And Ishtayr has the ability to shape shift meaning she literally did me in my you know what area!! And I’m gay! My real true lover and husband is Marduk[[pronounced Mar-duke]] and we have six kids together as same gender breeding is a thing! Babies come out in a light!

Thankfully we Nibirians have natural birth control so no matter how hard Ishtayr tried she could not impregnate me!

But I suffered way harder than anyone ever should…

Deep down I only want Ishtayr to be destroyed and be reunited with my true family, my husband, and my children! And for the Helveon War to be over but for that to happen humanity needs to go as they will never change for the better!

Humanity’s actions have damaged the Kosmos with evil energy[[from man made religions like Christianity and Islamism and other religions plus every evil action humanity has done since the dawn of their existence like war, crimes, theft, murder, animal abuse, intolerance towards those born different, lying, human narcissism, human supremacist attitudes, etc…]] to the point it could explode! The Kosmos is the heart and soul of the Universe and the Universe could not exist without a Kosmos!

So on Judgement Day that means I have to get rid of humanity all because humanity couldn’t stop being evil! I am trying to protect all other living things out there in the Universe from humanity! Humanity is too evil to be allowed to exist as the Kosmos if it explodes would destroy the Universe and kill all mortals and obviously destroy all non magical planets including Earth! Magical planets and magical beings would survive and can escape such destruction! But mortals cannot! And other nearby universes would be heavily damaged by such destruction!

So do you humans understand what you have done?! Zillions and still counting have died including other advanced species! Advanced species… humans are a lower advanced species but still an advanced species which should give an example but advanced are highly intelligent species that are bipedal and have civilisations, laws, can build things, have language, etc, so other alien beings have suffered and died because of humans!

Humans aren’t the victims here…. The rest of the Universe is the victims..

My pfp is what a god like me for example looks like! I am the oldest god and the oldest member of The Holy Four Kosmos Deities aka The Four Seasons Deities! Dumuzi[[me, Winter]], Kosmin[[Spring, brother]], Lumuzi[[Summer, brother]], and Geshtinonna[[Autumn, sister]]!

Geshtinonna and I are part dark type with no light in us while Kosmin and Lumuzi lack darkness in them but are part light type!

We are considering and treated as quadruplets despite me essentially creating them by splitting my soul before I create the Kosmos when I existed in the what is called in English: The Obyss aka the black ocean that exists between universes!

When I fought Ishtayr last during Universe 1 with my siblings by my side we destroyed her with a spell when she was simply known as translated wise “The Great Evil Herself” who attacked Nibiru one day and started a war - the only war Nibiru ever had on it’s surface!

But at a cost we shattered and were eventually reborn in Universe Eight so eight regenerations of the Kosmos since then! We gained parents in the form of Enkai and Ninsun whom are actually both male!

Our pupils became in this reincarnation a bright red colour and before they were a dark blackish purple in our original forms! From Ninsun as we became half albino a thing that Nibirians can in fact be! But the moon shines 🌙 in our eyes remained as proof we are who we are as no other Nibirian has moon shines in their eyes!

The ruby crescent moons is in my eyes!

Kosmin when he actually opens his eyes has a pink sapphire crescent moons in his eyes!

Lumuzi has a peridot crescent moons in his eyes!

Geshtinonna has citrine crescent moons in her eyes!

But we all have red velvet red eyes with sectoral heterochromia with the bottom parts of our eyes being rose pink!

Like I said look at my pfp or go to my deviantART to see what I look like! We all have pigeon blood ruby red manes too!

We all also have strange eyebrows that look like fiveish black lines! So yeah we have strange eyebrows!

Gods aka yazata aka royal angels are a feline species and so are tenshi aka common angels! Humans do not become us when they die! That is all human narcissistic lies!

Why the hell would you become another alien species by dying?! Also Hell was an ancient city I destroyed because it was filled with criminals, murderers, thieves, pedos, heterosexuals only in that city, but I burned it down with dark elemental fire and everyone burned with those who looked at it with evil hearts turned to stone, and it looked in the end worser than Pompeii…

Hell as in the city was transported to another dimension with the only surviving part of the with being the only thing good being the blood nectarine orchard that surrounded the city all sides!

Kohora is nothing like the city of Hell and has no relationship with it and Kohora is the real Underworld!

Kohora is beautiful and a paradise, a surreal fantasy like magical paradise, but a paradise!

What is above the Universe is Yumera aka the Dreamworld aka Dream Dimension!

Kohora is below as koho means below/under and ra means world so with Yumera the translation means yume = dream and ra = world!

Both a paradises that are surreal, magical, and fantasy like!

But enough for now! Humans if you try to change for the better by Judgement Day maybe you can at least reincarnate as that is better than dying completely body and soul…

I may have some anger issues but with all that I went through can you even blame me?

At least I admit my flaws unlike the false murderous bloodthirsty bastard Jesus who thinks he’s some kinda glorified flawless prince!

I literally am a prince on Nibiru but also a elder queen as Kosmin and I used to rule during the First Universe as the first king and queen…

Yes I bottom… I could top but I normally don’t feel like it so yeah?

King and Queen aren’t gendered terms on Nibiru but Prince and Princess obviously are and obviously our word for it is different but still?

We apparently had a female king but it didn’t go well so no more female kings as females just aren’t mentally stable to rule as reverse gender standards apply and females are macho and love to fight so obviously that doesn’t translate well into a good ruler…

I think it was Tiamut who was the ruler who acted to violent? And possibly another for all I know as I haven’t read Nibirian history books in ages but it proved to Nibiru that females aren’t meant to rule as they react quicker to violence then males who are magical and cute/pretty/beautiful so females afterwards just realised and accepted they aren’t for politics…

Like female yazata are tough and macho acting so yeah when I say they’re quick to violence sometimes I mean literally…

[lyraeon]

It's stuff like this that's always wild to me.

There are adults alive today for whom at least one US state has ALWAYS had legal fast gay marriage.

This is wonderful. This is landmark. This is proof that sometimes we do actually leave the world better than we found it and things improve.

Many people on here just take for granted something that was novel, new, and extraordinary when I was their age, because it has existed their whole life. This is true about many things - cell phones and flash player and mp3s all took root around then too.

But because it's just always been there, it's easy to take for granted. And while it's not y'all's job to fix things - especially since many of you are too young to vote or to safely participate in protests - I do want y'all to realize how new, fresh, and thus still fragile this is.

here in America, we have only had legal gay marriage ANYWHERE for the last 10% of our country's existence. It has not been legal nationwide for even a decade. Many other countries have similar stories. It is still a new right.

I say this not because I want y'all to be afraid - in fact, I hope we get this nailed down before most of you even have to vote on it.

I say it because it's something that's as "things have always been this way" to many of you as the internet or cell phones. Overturning equality laws sounds like something barbaric, archaic, and like uprooting a fact of the world to some of you. But to many people in power, it's just a recent mistake in their career they want to remedy. It's extremely fragile.

And many of those people were your age feeling like the brand new Roe vs Wade ruling was just something that had always been there, or that women being allowed to have bank accounts and credit cards is a problem solved long before they were born, or that racism was over because most places didn't have separate drinking fountains anymore, and so they did not realize how important these fragile things actually are and declared them something society could live without (or new exactly, but deluded others).

Don't repeat this piece of history. study up on what you have and how hard it was fought for. do not take it for granted. do not let others take it away from us.

Because while hopefully you'll never have to fight for this again, chances are still tragically good you will be in my shoes looking at people half your age some day, and know you need to protect something else so they can keep living in a world where they can just take it for granted <3

Daryl Cagle, November 23, 2003

[toxicgreenslime]

🌻 sup

hello hello I still have your discord message to reply to but I have been so not in the headspace for For Real conversation for what feels like 4 days but has probably been more like 4 weeks. I'm sorry. this happens with me a lot you will come to know. i think you're very cool and still very much want to be better pals still, I am just brain cursed etc.

anyways, I keep typing out these way too oversharey too-fucking-long rambling derailing the actual story posts for this for like HOURS AT A TIME. I'm very skilled in wasting time this way.

but I am going to try again to just. tell. this one story. with minimal background. note: I definitely failed at this, this is still 70000 miles long, but it's getting fuckig posted I said a thing I did it

this is a tale of a teacher that worked at my middle school that had known both of my parents closely when she was young, but had no idea that they got together and had children, and I got to tell her that happened with my existence in front of her as very tangible proof

under a readmore for courtesy reasons

so, as briefly as I can this time, I won't go into all of the reasons, but the fact that my parents got married and had children is what I refer to as a "cosmic fluke."

quick-facts

1.) they only hooked up because they vaguely found each other entertaining at parties. my mom is not really very attracted to my dad physically, my dad probably is attracted to my mom but at that time he actually had a huge thing for her friend and not her. my mom was only supposed to be in her home state for a short, temporary amount of time, and fully intended to go back to several states away where she had been building her own life already. she was real young and probably just wanted to have fun— definitely had NO plans on any long-term shacking up with my dad of all people, but, as with many cases of youth, there was a surprise pregnancy involved. marriage followed, and another child (me :]) they considered having another child, but 4 year old me told them not to do that lmfao.

2.) my father is not even remotely close to my mother's type. she has never dated anyone else similar to him at all. we have even discussed this before. he is the "one of these things is not like the others" on her permanent record and he just happens to be the guy she was married with children with. there is no possibility that she ever will date anyone like him ever again. my dad, well, he could date someone else like my mom, but I'm certain that would not last very long.

3.) my mom comes from a no-money, broke-ass, hillbilly, HUGE, Loudly Dysfunctional family. my dad comes from a very financially stable, stuck-up, standards so high that they can't even reach them, we're better than you, small, Quietly Dysfunctional family. they were and still are worlds away from each other despite being in close physical proximity.

from point 3: if one were to know these things, like the teacher in the story I'm going to tell, of Who my mom's family were, and Who my dad's parents are, they would have to assume that there would be No Fucking Chance In Hell that my dad's parents would have been kind, accepting, and/or welcoming to my mother were they to find out she would be the mother of their first ever grandchildren. this assumption would be correct, because they were not nice to her!! (over time, they came around to her for completely different reasons & at different points, but my parents have been split up for 2 decades & the damage is done.)

4.) my parents do not embody "opposites attract;" rather, they're a pretty telling story of how you should have enough in common with a partner that you can share more together than a handful of TV shows you both agree on, some foods, and select bands that everyone who liked rock music in the 1990s liked anyway. maybe that seems like enough things, but trust me, this is not enough things, and they're not important enough things. additionally, my dad has not gained almost any interests at all since 1991. there are some new TV shows he likes. there are some new foods that he's tried. the guy does not get into stuff. my mother gets into something entirely fucking random bi-weekly and then gets bored of it, sometimes abandoning it forever, sometimes looping back around. sometimes, her new interests actually stick and become the gates of a new era of what the fuck she's got going on. considering they did not have very much in common to begin with, my mom found my dad's interests stale and even irritating very quickly, whereas my dad cannot keep up with my mom even a little bit and finds that to be very annoying. these two have served as a poster child in my life of two people who have no fucking chemistry whatsoever. they do have love for each other, though, but it's not the kind of love that a romantic relationship requires. there's never going to be a spark there.

from point 4: here's an additional short story that my mom loves to tell me and I love to re-tell before we get to the actual story. when i was about 5 years old, my parents, my brother, and myself were sitting in the car together. nothing was really happening, but i was always a quiet observational child, and I had been looking at my parents in front of me for some amount of time. out of nowhere, I said to them "you two have nothing in common with each other." this is a story that I don't personally remember, but I definitely believe I said. it has haunted my mother since it happened, possibly my father too but I don't want to ask him. can of worms. at the time, neither of them knew what to say, and I guess things became quieter and more awkward. this story is the kind of thing I feel like I'm going to miss out on by not having kids; I want the fabric of my soul torn apart in that way only a child can make happen. BUT, the fact was that I was completely right about it. I mean, if a kid who's hardly been on the planet can make that kind of observation, it's like an inevitable death sentence for your failing marriage. in some respect, I saw that these two people were not into each other, but of course i didn't understand the full extent of what that meant at the time. they sure did. probably anyone around them did.

possibly, people they hadn't spoken to in what felt like a lifetime ago wouldn't even be able to put those pieces into a fitting puzzle, which brings us finally to the story.

HOW I GOT TO BE SOMEONE'S MINOR EXISTENTIAL CRISIS FOR A DAY AND NEVER SAW HER EVER AGAIN

back when I was in middle school, there was a teacher that was a stand-out amongst my friends that had her.

my school did that thing where they separate the students into smaller groups— they did it by color, so there was like the "blue" 7th graders and the "gold" 7th graders, etc.

if my friends and i weren't in the same color unit, the only times I would see them during the day would be at lunch or sometimes gym classes. otherwise, we'd be on totally opposite sides of the building.

the school wasn't very big (we were crammed like fucking sardines in there, actually, it was way too fucking small,) but these divisions were enough that you were pretty unlikely to meet core subject teachers that you didn't have if they weren't on the same side as you.

this was the case with this beloved teacher that I had heard so much about at the time. frankly, I don't remember any of it, just that they all liked her, which made me feel like she had to be a pretty nice lady.

for some reason or another, I must have mentioned her to my mom at some point. my mom had, like, a spit-take reaction that i know I couldn't have been expecting, and told me that this teacher had the same name of a girl who was, at one point during her childhood, Her Best Friend. she also told me that, if this was the person that she thought it was, she would have Also known my dad, because at a later point in time they were teenaged co-workers.

i don't remember if i told/asked my dad about this back then or several years after when I had finally met her, but I do know at some point I told him about it too and he was also like hunched over distant memory laughing confirming that he had worked with her at one of his first jobs, and it was wild to him too that suddenly his kid was talking about this girl from his past like that.

now, it actually was not uncommon for teachers to have known either side of my family for several reasons. my dad's family is really small, but my health teacher in that school once rattled off every single fucking one of their names to my face in front of the class upon hearing my surname. it's not even a memorable surname, she just knew every single member of my fucking family personally. this sometimes could be incredibly irritating. there was a gym teacher that I guess taught my dad that wasn't even ever my teacher that INSISTED upon calling me his name every time she saw me which pissed me off something royal at the time.

that all being said, this was a little different. there weren't a lot of people who my parents were doing double-takes about like that, particularly in my mom's case where they were best friends for a time.

even more unique was the fact that this teacher knew my parents entirely separately. the points of time that she knew either of them were both before my parents knew each other.

neither of my parents had contacted this woman in decades, and she never knew that these two completely unrelated people to her life ever had kids or got married.

I pocketed that information as intriguing, and it made me want to meet this teacher and talk to her more than I had before when I just figured she was nice, but during my run in middle school it just never happened for various reasons. it wasn't really all that important, but I was a little disappointed about it.

years later, sometime when I was in high school... maybe like junior year, or something? it was probably during finals or something like that because I feel like we had more free time than usual to do something like this... some of my friends who had attended that middle school with me made a plan to walk there after school was out.

our middle school wasn't super close to our high school, but it wasn't too bad of a walk, so off we went.

we had a really nice time, actually. it sucks that my memory is so spotty that I can't remember more clearly who i wound up visiting. i more than likely saw the one teacher there that liked me the best by a long-shot. she bought me the entire twilight series, which I had never expressed any interest in, probably because I was a fucking emo kid and she thought I would like it ahahaha. there were plenty of teachers who did not feel nice things towards me lol. i remember we saw our spanish teacher because he was one of those teachers every kid likes.

my clearest memory of who was super excited to see me and I wasn't really expecting that was one of the librarians. I mean she knew who I was and was so happy I had come by to say hi to her. what's sad is I remember that, but I don't remember anything about her. I don't remember what her name was, what she looked like, and I don't even really remember using the library all that much but I guess I must have. but she gets her own section in this story because she made me feel really special that day. I think my friends had split up with me to see someone else when I went to see her, either that or the kids I was with just weren't as exciting to her as I was, which as I said..... I really didn't expect that at all. there have been a handful of times where that's happened to me with teachers, particularly because I was really a terrible student. I was polite but that's all I had going for me. and I know I didn't turn my library books in on time fucking ever. some people are kind. it was always really nice when somebody gave a shit that I was there to the point of happiness.

anyways, we visited some teachers that my friends had had but I never did, which I just stood quietly and politely alongside them for.

then came the one that had almost got away, the favorite teacher of my friends who did not know me even a little bit, but I Knew Her.

I waited for my pals to catch up with her and all. she really did seem super nice, and I bet she was a great teacher!

i would have liked to have her, although by not having her I did have that other teacher I mentioned that really liked me for no reason and bought me the twilight books at her own personal expense i guess just because i was emo so she thought I would like them. i didn't, but it was nice of her. it's pretty funny to remember that though. she must have been like "this kid has Got to be into twilight" meanwhile all the books I was reading in her class were like... just the regular kind of sad. I really wasn't that big into fantasy back then, and there was that huge boom for it at the time that i basically skipped out on. I only ever read the first twilight book and I swear to god I remember going "that's a good enough ending for me" and never picked up another one in my life lmfao.

anyways, I let my friends catch up with this lady til they were all squared away, and then I decided to introduce myself.

I said something like "hello, you don't know me, but you know my parents." she was obviously "??? go on" type intrigued, as you would be.

then I told her who my parents were, and the LOOK on this poor woman's face trying to melt all of this information together was so fucking priceless.

she kept going like "I never knew they got together.... THEY got MARRIED??"

sis was flabbergasted. she did have a little trip down memory lane talking about my parents, she mentioned the same details that my parents had to me even, although I don't really remember much of that.

mostly just that this was kind of a golden ticket opportunity for my chaotic nature that I got to enact. I love chaos where there's really no harm done, but it does fuck with somebody's brain a little bit enough to throw them off-course for a few minutes. i don't know why I enjoy that, but I do. i hate pranks with a furious passion, but I do like things like this.

i basically rolled into this lady's day to deliver a telegram from her past but in the form of a twilight zone episode. i was the all-too real physical surreal punchline of two people she had once known that came together to make another person that she Never knew about for like 16+ years (with my brother being older than I was, even longer than that) and there was just nothing to do about that other than absorb the information. which I found fun. no ill-will intended, she really did seem super nice. I just couldn't resist that.

I mean, can you imagine if you found out your best friend when you were like 10 years old and the guy you worked at jimmy john's with when you were 16 that had fucking NOTHING to do with each other, AND YOU KNEW THERE HAD TO BE NO FUCKING WAY THEIR FAMILIES WERE HAPPY ABOUT IT ON TOP OF IT ALL, those two people got MARRIED and had BABIES when you weren't looking?

i do have to add in that she definitely did not mention my parents' whole glaring social class problem, however I would have to imagine she'd have been wondering about that. because if you knew both families, there's just no getting around it. ESPECIALLY if she knew them back in the Fucking Day.

and, funnily, my parents found it just as shocking, somehow, merely that she worked at the school that their child attended and they vaguely knew who she was. my parents were losing their minds like That was crazy.

like the fact that I exist and said a couple sentences to her could have been like meeting the eraserhead baby for her, I'll never know exactly. but my mom and dad were like SHE TEACHES AT YOUR SCHOOL ?!?;!?;

after this happened, I know I told my mom that I finally met her and told her all that, but I don't really remember that conversation at all. again, idk if I had actually talked to my dad about it before, or if I didn't tell him about it until after I had met her. if I did tell him before idk if I told him I met her after. maybe I did. so much of life is blurry to me.

but I do remember this as a unique opportunity that I jumped on when I got the chance

[sag-dab-sar]

2am ramblings on "Never Truly Hers: Ereškigal’s Dowry and the Rulership of the Netherworld"

by Gadotti, Alhena in Journal of Ancient Near Eastern Religions , Volume 20 (1): 16 – Jun 18, 2020

Academic: Ereškigal has no actual cult in Mesopotamia

Also Academic: Except for temple's dedication to her in Assur, Kutha, and Umma. This contrasts with Nergal's vital cult

Isn't this a contradiction? Its basically saying "because she had no city cults as vital as Nergal's that means she had no cult....except in these places that I mentioned but just forget they exist" Like not all Mesopotamian deities had a city-large cult? That doesn't mean they had no cult. In fact, there are three scholars who disagree (Leick, Frayne & Stuckey) and the second two even mention a festival in her honor. And WHY would any literary composition give Ereškigal it's ending praise if she had no cult at all?

I cannot find a peer review article on this article and I really really want one.

Critiquing the idea that Ereškigal & Nergal was written specifically to unionize two desperate views of the underworld is great and a very compelling argument. But jumping to the conclusion that Ereškigal never held the underworld as hers to begin with in any Mesopotamian tradition because of the word "saĝ-rig(7)" in one copy of the myth "Gilgameš, Enkidu, and the Underworld" seems off? Or I could just be dumb, hence wanting another academic's view not my own conclusions.

She even openly says a few things:

Diana Katz suggests "in her lengthy study" that Enlil may have been Ereškigal's husband in a much older tradition. They conveniently never mention this again despite the ending mentioning Ereškigal's possible husbands: Gugal-ana, Ninazu, and Nergal— why leave out Katz assertion without giving a reason to ignore it? She even mentions that Namtar is Ereškigal's son with Enlil

That whatever happened in the "Early Dynastic Period is murky" but she still concludes that this literary analysis means she only held Kur as dowry even in those earlier times?

She mention family law in her interpretation of this but I find it so lacking because family law is known to be extremely different in different time periods (e.g veiling & inheritance) and she is drawing inferences from Ur III up to the Neo-Assyrian period for her persuasive argument. But she just says "Mesopotamian customs"....I'm sad that we didn't get actual quotes of marriage laws here or citations to the actual legal codes. Since it seems like a point she hinged her argument on and I'd be extremely interested

I am not saying I am smarter that her, or know more, of course I don't. But the article seems like it takes a lot of leaps and thats why I want another academic's published review of the article but I can't find any.

I also now need to find this Sladek guy's stuff because oh boy is this a claim. Also I think I read another thing that doubts Gugal-ana's bull stuff entirely—

why do Assyriologists contradict each other so much 😩

I also really need to deep dive into Katz material, especially that "lengthy study", but I always forget.

-not proof read-

Edit

Found quote from Katz argument in "The Image of the Netherworld in the Sumerian Sources"

Don't have full text yet

Also another example of academics disagreeing because I'm forgetting what source but it mentions a temple to Ninlil and thus not an artificial deity

Urukean sounds funny

I could be entirely wrong, I'm just a bit confused due to academics concluding different things

[the-girl-in-the-high-castle]

I’ve been going crazy about this show for a month and my mind is completely taken over by either sound, crazy or half baked theories, so I’m gonna share some of the thoughts here. They are not all mine, it can be said it’s a combination of my own thoughts and the things I’ve read other people notice. So this is a long post, sorry about that, I just have to get it out of me. 

**************************************************************************

- The memories Daniel is trying to make Maura remember are 100% fake, like I’m sure of it. Nothing about them seems real. All the photos are the same, they are dressed in same clothes, they all look the same. His memory takes place in a modern looking flat that definitely does not match either the photos or the landscape outside. It’s like those crazy dreams we have with dozen things put together and then they don’t make any sense. 

- Daniel and Elliot aren’t real. The fake memories from the previous point are one proof, but what’s even more important is that neither of them has any motivation as own character outside of Maura. They do not exist inside the story without their entire existence being tied to Maura. They are trying to wake Maura up, save Maura, etc. But it always comes back to Maura. Every other character has their own story, but they are always tied to Maura. Elliot’s memories are the same as Daniel’s. That grey landscape looks like a dream and it’s always the same in all those memories. The only difference is that Maura’s hair is down in that scene, otherwise, it’s like they just jumped there from the Kerberos. I will focus on this point further as well. 

- The traumatic memories of all the other characters might not be real, or are partially real. I believe Eyk’s family might not be real as well, and that the memory of the tragedy was probably installed there for a purpose. The only one I believe might actually be real is his eldest daughter Nina. She’s all he talks about and sometimes it’s funny how he almost never mentions anyone else. She’s the only one he hears, sees and touches. Like the only one that actually feels real. 

- 2099 is another simulation. I’m sure of this. It just does not feel real. And like a lot of other people, I believe the real reality is somewhere in between 1899 and 2099. Maybe 1999. This takes me back to episode one when Maura stands in front of the mirror and says her name, date and then starts with “19...” corrects herself and says 1899. 

- The body remembers! Eyk is Maura’s real husband. Yeah, my favorite delusional theory. Or not so delusional after all. The out of this world chemistry that you can cut with a sword is not the reason for this, but it’s wonderful. There is a lot of focus on the body remembering either trauma or things of other form. The way they act with each other screams that they have something going on in reality. I do not believe it’s just the repeating simulations. It’s the projection of their relationship in reality that their mind forgot but the body cannot. The way that she always reaches out to him and touches him so casually like it is a habit. It’s also interesting how he reacts to her touch, first with surprise, then disbelief, like he cannot believe she did it, like he does not deserve it, which can mean he might have fucked something up royally in reality. The way she constantly defends him in front of everyone even though his decisions are questionable at best and outright insane at worst, she does not hesitate for a second in defending him, and I don’t believe it’s just because she herself knows weird ass shit is going on on that ship. Might be a sign that she was also the one that fucked things up royally. Failed marriage storyline maybe. 

- I think that Maura’s memories she has at the beginning, the miscarriage storyline, are actually what is real. Why? Well, we go back to the body remembering. There is a very huge ass focus on her not feeling anything when she looks at the “family” photos of her, Daniel and Elliot. Like it’s not just her saying she doesn’t remember, it’s her insisting she doesn’t FEEL anything when she looks at them. She says she’d know if she had a child, she would feel it, and she breaks down, in a sort of blaming herself moment, that she does not remember her child, that she does not feel anything, and it looks really genuine. Maybe it’s because her body remembers the trauma of losing a child, not having one. Because from episode one it looks like she feels the loss of a child in that way. Plus, we have her reaction to Eyk’s family photo, which is a lot more emotional than her reaction to her supposed family photo. It happens 3 times. Three times she looks at Eyk’s family photo and has an emotional reaction to it. And there is a real huge focus on that for it not to mean anything.

- Eyk’s family photo on Kerberos, the burned down house and the empty frame on the Prometheus. Someone came up with a theory that Maura’s photo Daniel has belonged in the Prometheus empty frame. I actually like the theory. Even though it can just mean it’s in the letter Eyk received, but if it’s a simulation after all, they could’ve just created a new one. So the theory can still be correct in a way, since we have Daniel essentially coming from the Prometheus. And there is a bit of focus on that empty frame, so it must mean something.

- The way things are being spoken is going to be of huge importance. I think this is one of the reasons we have so many different languages. Like, I can notice these things in English and Spanish, because I speak these languages, but fuck if I know how the French phrase their sentences. Some of the examples are: Maura and Eyk essentially have their tragedies happen at the same time, except he uses the “two years ago” and she uses “a couple of years ago”. Or Daniel saying “we got married 12 years ago”, not ‘’we’ve been married for 12 years” or anything like that. Or Maura saying ‘’my focus was....is on the human brain”, etc. 

- 12 years are somehow important, or just number 12. This got me to reading about different meaning of number 12 and 12 labors of Hercules in the middle of the night. Daniel mentions it “we got married 12 yeas ago” and Franz says he’s been in Eyk’s service for 12 years. 

- The connections the characters form with the people they “aren’t supposed to be with” are the projection of their real life relations. I think this has been established as truth amongst fans already. The most obvious being Eyk and Maura, Clemence and Jerome, Olek and Link Yi, but also Angel and Krester, even Tove and Franz. 

- I didn’t believe a single word creepy Qyburn said and think he has a bigger part in it than just being trapped inside the simulation.

- The theory of either Daniel or Eyk being Maura’s brother is the stupidest possible theory anyone could come up with. And this is happening because of Dark. People should stop connecting it all to Dark. The creators said that they are trying to make it as different from Dark as it can be, and I believe them, What would be the point in creating two shows that are the same? Like yeah, Daniel is suspicious as hell, but no way he’s playing that sort of sick kind of mind games. Eyk, whoever thinks Eyk can be the creator is just really funny to me. My man spent the entire season lost and confused as fuck, and no, subverting expectation does not count here. 

This isn’t even a third of what’s going on in my head these days, but I had to share at least some of the things I had in mind. 

[getawayheaven]

Closeting

Most of the things written in cursive is said by @back-to-louis

Rebecca also says one can be, quote, “trapped in an abusive contract for life.” Still not seeing closeting. False premise.

So first thing first. I think you should make it clear first that you got over the delusion that life time contracts dosen't exist at all. Because you refused to believe it first and you wanted proof. So I am assuming that you now believe that life time contracts exist.

And in your bunch of debunks of clause I didn't found even a single debunk about image, morality clause or cleanliness clause??

Citation please? This segment is a bit of a word salad. You appear to be saying that because there’s a lot of money around Louis and Harry, someone (WHO? NAME A NAME) …. can do anything because they’re making money off of the image of Harry and Louis not being in a relationship.

Pls don't tell me that you actually think there's a single person behind everything and a NAME can be NAMED 😶

And after going through everything I can only conclude that you have so many misconceptions regarding closeting. But I would like to provide some debunks here first -

Lifetime contracts dosen't exist -

You were wrong. And just now you said "(quote me where I said lifetime contracts aren’t possible challenge)" I did quoted you in my previous post but I guess you didn't read it so here we go again . But then you said But I don’t believe that there are contracts holding people hostage for life. Where’s the proof that they have forced them to sign up for life on these contracts? You reblogged this, you supported this, you believe this and here is the proof that there are contracts that can trap a musician in an abusive contract for life.

Do I need to repeat it again? here - I DON'T BELIEVE THAT THERE ARE CONTRACTS HOLDING PEOPLE HOSTAGE FOR LIFE.

2) "So, Rebecca Ferguson is talking about contracts, but not closeting. Very interesting. Almost like that’s what I say."

You are wrong again. Grooming 17 year old boys to remould their sexuality isn't closeting then I don't know what is. (Is it even legal?)

3) PR relationships don’t normally involve living together with dogs for years and years and being closely entwined with each other’s families. I think you are very much unaware of long term PR relationships. You call it PR but I call it bearding. Here is an example of long term bearding before the actor decided to come out, marry a man and have kids.

 Why buy out access to people’s families, including children, to sustain this ruse? Over the course of YEARS?

TO HIDE SEXUALITY. And tell me you have never seen beards who have been there for years?

They were together for 12 whole years, on and off, she knew he was gay, Rebecca to Ricky was like Gala to Dali. Dali was never sexually attracted to women but he loved his wife.

4) Its not all this 100 percent fake bullshit that the larries claim PR relationships are. It doesn't come from some evil PR company overlord telling them they must date! Sure they might encourage it, but it's not forced by contract.

Again there is nothing that is not possible in this shit hole called music industry. Try to open your eyes.

'My whole life was managed down to the finest detail. Down to who I'm allowed to date. I'd be told off, I'd be shouted at if I was going out with someone, I'd get shouted at like I was a child...

5) Right, I think the most important thing to take away is that PR relationships aren’t forced, aren’t contracted, and don’t at all resemble the relationships that the members of 1D had, or have. I don’t know the statistics on PR relationships but even if 99% of short term relationships were for PR, long term relationships and marriages between celebs and civilians, and the children they have together, and commercial partnerships between mutual celebrity partners (which might exploit their PR, as is their choice, just like you said!) just… AREN’T.

 They think they are FORCED PR relationships, which has NEVER happened in the history of Hollywood. Oh you have no idea how wrong this sentence is and you have been living in dark till now. and again it's not PR it's bearding.

I think you people need to read some HISTORY.

Again you call it PR but I call it bearding and here is how bearding can be forced to hide sexuality.

Barbara Stanwyck and Robert Taylor

The bedroom escapades of actress Barbara Stanwyck were the subject of rumors and conjecture. Although the actress had contracts with Warner Bros. and Columbia, she also worked for MGM. Robert Taylor had a contract with MGM. When it became clear that the stories of Stanwyck and her female lovers and Taylor and his male lovers were more than rumors, the MGM executives called them both in for a meeting. To preserve their careers and reputations, MGM ordered them to get married, which they did on May 13, 1939. At the conclusion of the wedding ceremony, Taylor refused to kiss Stanwyck and went home to his mother’s house for the night. X

Judy Garland and Vincente Minnelli

Judy Garland’s husband and the father of her only child, Liza Minnelli, lived as an openly gay man in New York for a number of years before hitting it big in Hollywood. It was the restraints of Hollywood’s morality clauses that forced Minnelli back in the closet. Apparently, Garland was well-aware of his lifestyle when she married him and had a child with him. Years later, she encouraged her daughter to marry gay men, stating that they make the best husbands. 

Bearding can't be forced? Think again.

And you can obviously come up with "Oh these are such old examples, the gay rights have improved so much, it dosen't happen how". Think AGAIN

It is more tough now.

6)  No, in the sort of situation I described with the movie co-stars it wouldn’t be a contracted arrangement

Lots of what we see is artifice, orchestrated or embellished. But that doesn’t mean that EVERYTHING is shady or fake.

 “Fake” PR relationships are usually just friendships or acquaintances that are spun as being more

And AGAIN because Larries have literally NO CLUE how PR works 

LOL let's see who has no idea. You all sound like celebs are pure souls who are living highly authentic lives. In what world are you living in?

EDUCATE YOURSELF

There are contracts, agreements, clauses.

Some non-disclosure lines are built in to ‘as to what cannot be said and what needs to be said’, suggesting there could be a script if they were challenged by the public.

 ‘if it was truly an arranged relationship, sex wouldn’t come into it’.

‘It was a big publicity stunt. She would come pick me up – I don’t drive – I think she called the paparazzi too.

6) PR relationships don’t normally involve living together with dogs for years and years and being closely entwined with each other’s families

And yes, “fake” PR relationships happen between celebs, but not the kind of relationships that the Larries claim are rife in the entertainment industry. They think that women are hired to work for years as fake girlfriends, to live with their celeb boyfriends, to be maid-of-honour at their mother’s weddings, to fake pregnancies and even have babies. Which is flat-out f’kin’ ridiculous. 

Oh but do you know what's the best way to dispel gay rumours?

This is Simon’s former publicist Max who passed away in prison in 2017. This documentary was published in 2002. Simon is the creator of The X Factor. He created One Direction and Fifth Harmony. They all had to (and still have to) follow the rules of these guys and their teams. Max worked for Simon and his artists until at least 2012. (He died in prison 2017.) Guess when all the fake girlfriend stuff started? End 2011/ begin 2012. He basically admit to do what Larries have been saying the whole time.

7) Once upon a time there was a very popular boyband with a gay member in it who were being abused by their contracts and worked nearly to death for very little money, while making millions and millions of money for their manager and record label. They BROKE THEIR CONTRACT and signed with another record label because they felt they were being abused. Do you know what happened to them?

Fortunately, I can tell you!

I don't understand how are you even comparing the two situations? This band, which was totally under another label, isn't even slightly related to 1D can get out of their contracts so you think that 1D can do it too? How? How do you know that both of the band had the same contracts, clauses and agreements? Nsync had proofs, they didn't had iron clad contracts, they made very little money, they switched to a different label and this is not the case with 1D at all. Rebecca was under the same label, same management, same year, same show, same producer and even she didn't had any clue that 1D signed such a abusive clause like cleanliness clause. So how can you even remotely compare NSYNC and 1D? Their situations are miles apart. What makes you say that it is this easy to break contract for 1D too?

And if you really want to compare, then let's talk about those artist who were abused by Sony and they ended up loosing everything.

George Michael - He sued Sony. Why? He called his situation "professional slavery" that left him little control over his own work and career. A 15-Year Contract. He wanted an out. He didn't wanted to work with Sony at all. He was trapped, unsatisfied and unhappy. But what happened? He lost. He lost the case. He lost his money. He lost his precious time. He lost his artistry.

 If artists were given freedom to break their contracts and walk away after an album or two, the companies would no longer be able to afford to spend so much on new talent, Sony executives said.

"In fact, there is no such thing as resignation for an artist in the music industry," Mr. Michael said. "Effectively, you sign a piece of paper at the beginning of your career and you are expected to live with that decision, good or bad, for the rest of your professional life." X

I am not gonna repeat the whole thing because I am assuming you know the case. And you have said times and again that artist sue their labels and bosses if they have any problem and they DO NOT RESIGN or RENEW it again. But can you guess what happened in this case?

He recorded two albums under Virgin and In 2003, he signs a new contract with... Sony Records. His 2004 album, Patience, is released on the label; it proves to be his last, as he stops recording and dies in 2016. Why did he signed under Sony again if he was that frustrated with Sony's work ethics? The fight here was not with a single person but with a huge label, with the whole team. Then why he signed a contract again?

Do you know how his situation ended? In July 1995, Sony sold the contract to rival record companies Virgin Records and DreamWorks Records. Virgin granted worldwide rights when DreamWorks granted rights in the U.S. and Canada. All releases for these labels were co-labeled with Aegean Records, a record company owned by George Michael. He, eventually, returned to Sony Music in 2004, on which he released his final studio album, Patience. Additionally, in 2011, all his catalogue for Virgin and DreamWorks were reissued on Sony.

At the end every fucking work of his life was Sony's. The law said there was nothing illegal in his contract and he knew everything when he signed it hence there is no crime. Nothing like professional slavery.

Read every word of this article, I know you won't so I'll highlight the key points here -

“The people in the industry thought, ‘Of course he’s going to win.’ The contracts of the 1980s had been got rid of in the film industry in the 1950s so why were they still there in the 1980s? It’s the only industry on earth that has no free agency.”

"A label often wants an artist to continue to trade on their established brand with the public. But after “Faith” Michael was trying for a new direction, to be taken more seriously as an artist instead of just as a pop star sex symbol.”

 it was a tough pill to swallow that the label was making more money off of him than he was making.

“As upsetting as it was, because it felt unfair, it [Michael’s record deal] wasn’t illegal,” Wagnon said. “It’s a similar situation to Kesha, in that the wrong done to her was arguably, according to Kesha, of a criminal nature, but it was not in breach of the contract she signed.”

“George Michael was a human laboratory for the power of the right of approval with respect to creative decisions and his contract that allowed anything he turned into Sony having to be in their view commercially satisfactory. Legally speaking Sony held all the cards.”

“He kept a brave face and made the best of it but it ruined his career,”

And oh my god let's talk about Kesha. What happened with Kesha. I hope I don't have to tell you the whole case. But you definitely know how it ended. She didn't had any creative control over her songs, she was forced to sing and not her professional but personal life was controlled too. She was forced to lose weight, she went through long-term emotional and psychological abuse involving fat-shaming, she was not credited even on the songs she sang, her voice was used but no credit and no money was given to her, she stated everything in her lawsuit and claimed alleged actions are a breach of contract, besides her sexual assault charges. But what happened? Her career came to a standstill, she lost all her money, she didn't even left with any funds to fight the legal battle, her career was ruined, court said that NOTHING ILLEGAL has happened and at the end she had to work under the same damn record label. X

And here too the fight was not with any one person, her lawsuit included the same allegations against Sony, she said that working with Sony is a risk to her life. Sony tried to conceal the information, but what happened? She's still not free. She doesn't have to directly work with Luke but she's bound indefinitely with him. He still till date is getting money from all her work, sony has still ties with him and Dr. Asshole Luke is still working and is very successful.

Kesha is working again, releasing music again but Luke and Sony is getting all the money.

Now you tell me, is it that easy to break free? At what cost would Harry and Louis break free. At losing all their money, all their success, all their years of hard work and sacrifice, and still they have no chance of getting free? What will happen? They will end up working with the same people anyway but after losing every fucking thing?

Is this better? Or what Harry and Louis doing is much better? They are playing by the rules, by the contracts, playing a public narrative, but being together secretly. Hence they are working hard, building up their own image and reputation, getting rich enough to fight the system and for fighting the system YOU HAVE TO A PART OF THE SHITTY STSTEM. Both Harry and Louis have been trying to build up their own production companies, especially Louis, he's trying dead hard to go independent, to build up his own label and management company, we know that, he even tried to launch some bands, but in the end he decided that all this needs more time.

The way Harry and Louis are doing things will end up getting them in a position where they can change the lives of many up coming artist, then why would they want to lose it all? And do they have any other option? Will they be able to break free even if they revolted against the system?

Now you tell me how it was so easy for NSYNC to get out of contract but not for George Michael and Kesha? You said that All they had to say was that they were mistreated and then detail that mistreatment. Then why Kesha and George can't get out of the contract with the same allegations? Is it really that easy? Now this is what you can't understand. There's difference in contracts, clauses and agreements.

8) Closeting - I can't believe that I have to prove here that contractual closeting exist but here you go.

You have said numerous times that closeting is illegal, and forced contractual closeting does not exist. The argument is that they were contractually forced to be closeted, but thus would be illegal and render the contract null and void (unlike the Dr. Luke case). The terms of such closeting would have to be explicitly spelled out in the contract, not merely covered by a general “morality clause.”

Well I have stated above that morality clause can even force people to get married but even keeping that aside, why haven't you discussed anything about cleanliness clause? Do you even know what cleanliness clause is?

Let me tell you.

While he's finally landed in a place where he feels comfortable speaking about his sexual past with close confidants, the singer didn't always feel that way. In fact, during his One Direction days, the bandmates had something called a 'cleanliness clause' baked into their contracts, which had strict stipulations about how they could and couldn't behave publicly and what they could and couldn't say in interviews. As the name suggests, anything explicitly sexual was off the table, and the mere hint of anything sexual threatened to jeopardise their squeaky-clean, boy band image. X

As Rebecca said, this is some level of control. According to this clause, the management team and label dictate HOW CAN THEY BEHAVE IN PUBLIC, WHAT CAN THEY SAY IN INTERVIEWS. This is fucking abusive and this should be illegal. How can your boss decide what you can say in public and how you can behave in public? This is some real control over his image and sexuality. This directly means that he has to play by the image that his team created for him. Anything said or done opposed to his public image created by the label would be a breach of contract.

And this clause if fully legal. 1D boys signed this when they had no idea what even cleanliness clause is.

Along with the constant probing into his personal life, Styles said he was instructed to behave in accordance to “cleanliness clauses.” The rules were embedded in contracts that he had to sign, which threatened consequences if he did not obey the rules. The restrictiveness of those agreements ultimately led Styles to be fearful of making mistakes during his most formative years. X

Harry says the entire ordeal left him feeling "terrified" over messing up or saying the wrong thing and "ashamed' about the details of his own sex life.

And this clause existed when Harry was portrayed as a womanizer, his portrayal of public image started with dating a woman who was 14 year older then him and he was merely 16, when he was papped going to Taylor's hotel late at night with an overnight bag, when young models was getting papped going to his hotel/apartment at night and then getting papped while coming out with disheveled hair in the morning, when zayn was accused of cheating Perrie and sleeping with other girls while being with her, when Louis was getting papped taking a new girl every single night to his hotel room, when Louis hooked up with a random girl he met at a bar got her pregnant, when Louis and Zayn's video of smoking weed came out, when Taylor was writing songs about how Harry was sleeping with other girls while being with her, while he was making out with half naked Kendall on yacht.

Where is the cleanliness clause then? Oh but wait. Nothing is against their build up public image here. They have to be young boys who fucks any girl they find and they are womanizers, right?

The tabloids had explicit headlines about his sex life, they were asked questions about their sex life in interviews, everyone knew who he was dating, when is he spending a night in taylor's hotel and when a model spent a night in his apartment, beacuse everything was papped, then why was he so terrified of everyone finding out who he was having sex with? What were his personal  transgressions that made him burst into tears when he signed his solo contract?

Have you heard about cleanliness clause ever before? By any celebrity? By any musician? Did you knew that musicians have to sign such an abusive clause? Even Rebecca didn't knew it.

What would have happened if Harry refused to speak and behave in a certain way because of this clause? That would have been a breach of contract from his side. What would have happened if Harry would have taken this to court because he didn't wanted to behave in a certain way? Court would have dismissed this and Syco had the right to counter sue him.

That's what happened with George Michael, court said that he himself signed the contract in the first place, on his own free will, hence he knew what the contract carried, then how can he say now that he want to back out?

Same is Harry and Louis's case. They signed the contract on their own free will, hence they knew what was in the contract. Contract says that they agree to behave in a certain and speak what their team tells them to. Even if they want them to behave straight not gay. It was THEIR CHOICE in the first place, that's why they signed it. It was THEIR CHOICE to not to let people know their actual sexuality. They can't just suddenly change THEIR CHOICE and decide not to go with the PR strategies of their label. Then every other artist will change THEIR CHOICE to not to go by the signed contract and that's just not possible. This is closeting and this is not illegal.

And that's why a wise woman once said :

"Read your contracts. Up and down, left and right. Hire five different lawyers to read it for you if you have to, but read your f*cking contracts" - Lauren Jauregui

As stated in the George Michael article above "It is of criminal nature but it is not illegal"

9) I wanted to address this as the last point because what you said here was really really absurd.  If they are…. why are they risking it all by giving out signs over the internet? Do you feel any connection, as the target of those signs, to the risk they might be undertaking to give you signs? Do you think about that at all when you discuss them in public forums?

Why is it such a bizarre idea to you that celebs gives hints to their fans about their work and even about their personal life? Have you never heard about this before? Let's take a simple example of Taylor Swift. She gives hints to her fans about her personal life all the time. Giving an small example here, she threw direct shade at her enemies in her work, like in music videos, pictures, tweets, insta posts, she threw shade at Kendall, Kanye, Katy, Karlie, Jake Gyllenhaal, all these people betrayed her in personal life and she used her work to threw shade at them and let people know about it. And her fans start throwing public hate comments on these celebs.

Do you think this is allowed by her label and her team? Why would they allow it when they perfectly know that Taylor can get in serious legal trouble for this? These celebs can file a libel case against her. It will be difficult for both Taylor and her label. Then why are they allowing it? Why is she risking it all by giving out signs over the internet? Do Swifties feel any connection, as the target of those signs, to the risk she might be undertaking to give them signs? Do Swifties think about that at all when they discuss them in public forums?

(For those who don't know Libel is a method of defamation expressed by print, writing, pictures, signs, effigies, or any communication embodied in physical form that is injurious to a person's reputation, exposes a person to public hatred, contempt or ridicule, or injures a person in his/her business or profession.)

Answer to all of this NO. Because there is no evident proof that Taylor shaded Kendall or Katy. She didn't took any direct names, she didn't directly used their photos, then what's the legal proof that Taylor shaded them? It is dead obvious to her fans that she's throwing shade at someone and everybody knows it, but even her team knows that fan theories proves nothing in reality and Taylor can continue doing this as much as she wants. It's like a connection between Taylor and her fans and nobody can pick it up as offensive.

Oh but wait nobody has ever given hints about their sexuality right? That's something very personal and nobody wants to discuss it with fans in this hints game right? Think again.

 "I've hinted about my sexuality for years while being afraid to spell it out for everybody." she said. "I did a lyric video last year for 'We Belong.' It had moving line drawings of people falling in love… It was all a man and a woman making out, and it was a weird moment for me."

The star revealed she felt uncomfortable with the video showing only heterosexual couples. "It was so bizarre that I had to ask to mix in different orientations. People started asking for hints about the video, and I used different combinations of emoji couples making out.” 

She wasn't able to come out, because of the fear of homophobic reactions and pressure of getting her career ended if fans didn't accepted her for who she was. She thought they will think that she lied for years. But no, fans caught her signs.

You have linked Lauren's reaction she was outed as bi because BECAUSE HER FANS THOUGHT SHE AND HER BANDMATE WERE SENDING THEM SIGNALS. But what about the other side where celebs wants us to catch hints?

Let me tell you first, that's how strongly and firmly you shut off the dating rumours, which Harry and Louis has never done, but Louis said PEOPLE CAN BELIVE WHAT THEY WANNA BELIEVE and Harry said I WOULD NEVER LIKE TO TELL SOMEONE THAT THEY ARE WRONG. And sometimes celebs need that support. Celebs give hints so that they can know that people will support them or not. When you are forced in a closet by a homophobic industry you sometimes become so afraid of people knowing who you actually are that you desperately just want everyone to catch on hints so that you can know if anyone will support you or not. Showing support is important.

"Whitney Houston was in a lesbian relationship with her assistant and friends believe coming out of the closet could have SAVED her life." “I really feel that if Robyn was accepted into Whitney’s life, Whitney would still be alive today,” Bobby Brown told Us Weekly.

Wentworth Miller ("Prison Break") admitted that he tried to commit suicide while struggling to come to terms with his sexuality. "I gave thousands of interviews. I had multiple opportunities to speak my truth, which is that I was gay, but I chose not to." In 2013 he came out.

Westlife's (A famous boyband) Mark Feehily said -

'I became depressed. People think, "Sure, he’s living the life of Riley in a massive band, how could he have any problems?" but there has to be a balance and back then my career life was fulfilled, but my personal life was a total shambles. His inability to be honest about his sexuality led Mark to feel there wasn't any point in life at times.

The bravest thing I’ve ever done is… come out as being gay. In hindsight it was brave because silly former me thought the reaction from everyone was going to be one of shock and disappointment.

Little did I know it would be the opposite.

If only they knew that they will get immense support even they came out the next moment. Hints are given because even artist knows that only fans who are playing close attention will catch on them and nobody will ever directly ask them about it. They do not owe fans any explanation or clarification for leaving hints. Nobody has asked Taylor about the shade thrown on other celebs.

10) Lastly I want to let you know this story.

First a set up by a label

HE DIDN'T WANTED TO DO IT. HE DIDN'T WANTED TO DO IT.

Second he SUGGESTED he's gay.

And boom third comes a fake engagement and a fake pregnancy.

Oh wait I totally for your questions about has anyone faked pregnancy before? Has anyone faked fatherhood before for SEVEN YAERS? Has anyone forged birth certificate and documents before? You are most welcome to read my babygate masterpost. X

@back-to-louis maybe this is not everything I wanted to cover, because I totally forgot to add how Zayn was able to leave. Because I think that's what you will ask next. But I might add it in the next post, as for sure you are gonna throw more questions now.

Adding this today just because I want everyone to laugh after reading this long ass post. LOL

[jewishconvertthings]

Been getting some very interesting responses to my previous post about "de-conversion" and things to consider seriously before committing to Judaism.

There are a few things I'd like to add in light of that and also with further reflection.

First, part of why I, and many other Jews within branches that view halacha as binding, are so intense about this being a permanent decision is because our entire credibility as gerim hangs on that underlying assumption. Here's the thing: Conversion? As we understand it during the post-Temple period? Did not really exist before the exile. While there were definitely people who attached themselves to the Tribe of Israel in one way or another (most famously Ruth), biblically it was a lot more comparable to an LPR set up rather than having a true path to naturalization like we do now. The reasons for this as far as I know are primarily because of the way that land rights and tribes worked in the ancient world.

The exile forced the Jewish people who remained to reinvent themselves and Judaism - drastically - in order to maintain Torah and mitzvot outside of eretz Yisrael and without the Beit HaMikdash. And part of that involved creating a true path for naturalization. Or adoption, if that analogy works better for you.

It is, essentially, a legal fiction; created to recognize the reality of a person who is now family, yet who is not related by blood.

How is this valid? Well, the person has to have met all of the legal requirements and have "cast their lot in with the Jewish people, come what may." That's not a decision to make lightly, when the people whose lot you're choosing to share in is one that includes some form of oppression, expulsion, or mass killing in most generations. And similarly, right, wrong or indifferent, Jews are judged collectively, and so you better be certain about anyone you're bringing on board. This is definitely something that has the potential to go very, very poorly, and so the caution on both sides is warranted and real.

But! Once you're in? Once you've cleared those hurdles? You have to be in for good and it needs to be impossible to undo a conversion without a nullification of the conversion on its original merits, not based on post-conversion behavior. (And even this must be a very high standard of proof.)

Otherwise, it negates the whole concept of conversion and frankly peoplehood. If your status can be revoked and other Jews' statuses cannot be (even if they betray the entire community in serious ways) then in that first generation you have the problem where gerim could never relax, never feel fully a part of things, never truly have a home here. That's not conducive for shalom bayit and building strong communities. But then, in the subsequent generations after marriages have been made and new generations of children produced, you open up any Jewish person's lineage and status to questioning and subject them to 'purity' investigations. That is not a route I think many would want to go down in practice, because that's how you destroy group cohesion permanently.

When we, as gerim, sign up for this, we're staking our credibility on the solemnity and permanency of this legal fiction. How do we prove we're really, truly, 100% in it even when it is difficult, even dangerous or deadly? We do that by agreeing this can't be undone. That we are not fair-weather friends to the Jewish people but part of the people itself, such that our enemies will not distinguish among us, and neither will we.

That's a lot of words to say: I'm intense about this because permanency is the keystone of conversion. Without it, we're just tourists.

And on the other hand, yes, there are halachic Jews by birth who are extremely rude or dismissive of converts and conversion.

To them, I'd say this: Would you tell your brother's adopted child that he will never be your nephew, actually, and intentionally exclude him in favor of your blood-related nephews and nieces? Would you walk up to a naturalized citizen and tell them that they'll never be real Americans and will always just be immigrants? Would you walk up to your rabbi, who has sponsored students for giyur, and tell him that he is making a mistake and is an idiot for trying to make a gentile into a Jew? If not, why not? Because treating Jews who have completed their conversions as interlopers is basically doing all of those things at once.

Lastly, I'd say this: if you find yourself in a community that is hostile to gerim and you haven't finished yet, I'd honestly recommend waiting and joining a different community, even if that means moving and/or rearranging your life around it. If it's important enough to you to do that, it will be worth it. If you have finished your conversion, I'd still say do your best to get away from that community and join a better one, for your own health and sanity. When I moved, I chose my next location extremely carefully so that I could be in a good community; that is still in the forefront of my thoughts if I were to ever move again. With something as serious a commitment as this, it's not unreasonable to expect that you will need to adapt your life around it, similar to, again, planning your major life decisions around whoever you consider your family. An adopted son moving jobs and states to take care of his ailing adoptive mother isn't more surprising to anyone than a biological son doing so, is it? And on the flip side, choosing to live near your father's side of the family that accepts you and your partner instead near your mother's side that rejected you isn't particularly surprising either, no?

This is not to say that gerim in difficult communities or circumstances are responsible for those communities' bad behavior and xenophobia. Obviously I'm not saying that. I'm simply trying to give you a framework for understanding and making the decision to make other major life choices around this previous major life choice - that it is serious and it is valid. If you, like me, make choices about where to live based on the relevant laws and available local communities and commodities as an LGBTQ+ person, it's similarly not crazy or frivolous to make choices that center or at least seriously consider your Jewish needs as well.

I understand not all can just up and leave. And related to that, I understand that this advice is extremely US-centric, because that is where I live and what I know. I understand that moving countries is a way more serious choice than moving states. I understand that waiting sucks and may even suck more than people's exclusion. These are all things you should discuss with your conversion rabbi before you complete your conversion. And if you are done converting, it's still not a bad idea to reach out to your conversion rabbi if you are struggling, because they should understand your situation well already.

But leaving one community for a better community, if it's possible (even if it's a serious decision)? Is worth considering, if your current community is toxic and treating you poorly.

[oreoambitions]

Previous Draft // Ao3

The courthouse doors open with a bang, and the sound of conversation tumbles out of the atrium and onto the courthouse steps. Security flanks Lena on either side, two uniformed bodies ahead to break the crowd, two behind to keep it from closing in around her. Lena keeps her head up, confident in the knowledge that she will appear to take this all in stride. In truth, she crosses the atrium in a sort of daze.

There are moments in a person’s life when time sticks and stutters, moments that linger beyond their natural boundaries, that creep and haunt and niggle at the mind. As she steps out through the courthouse doors, she understands that this is one of them. Time hesitates for her even as she passes into the chaos of lights and cameras outside, towards the waiting crowd of journalists shouting over one another in a fashion not conducive to anyone’s questions ever actually getting answered.

For an instant she’s back on the witness stand: the defense is demanding Supergirl’s name, and the judge is not intervening; the words I plead the fifth are heavy on her lips. That moment has passed, and it hasn’t. There will be ripples. All Lena can do about it now is try to keep those ripples to a minimum, for Kara’s sake; she must say nothing to anyone until they’ve had a chance to talk alone.

“Ms. Luthor.” 

The officer at her side encourages her forward, not quite touching her back with one hovering hand. Lena realizes with a start that she’s paused halfway down the courthouse steps. At the bottom, Supergirl drops out of the sky in a dramatic, press pleasing fashion. That soft warm smile is another echo of the courtroom, and Lena is reminded that Kara intentionally slipped out of the courthouse another way and circled back for the cameras. Lena has, rather uncharacteristically, committed a critical error in a critical moment, and now Kara is covering for her with theatrics.

It’s working. The cameras turn on Kara as Lena makes it down the last few steps and into her waiting embrace.

“I’m sorry,” she begins, half stumbling as Kara pulls her close, closer than usual, one hand hot at the back of her neck.

Kara turns her shoulder to shield Lena from the bulk of the cameras. “Not here,” she murmurs, so low that Lena is almost not certain she’s heard it. And then Kara pulls back, not quite far enough, and Lena is acutely and self-consciously aware of the sound of camera shutters snapping all around them, the closeness of Kara’s body, the gut wrenching feeling that the eyes of the nation are on them and the stage lights are all lit up and she doesn’t know her lines.

The judge should have intervened. Her mind keeps catching on that point, on the heavy pause in the courtroom, Kara’s expressionless face, the pounding of her own heart, the irrelevance of the question. It feels as though if she stays in that moment long enough, pictures it clearly enough, the judge will step in and this story will play out another way.

Time, of course, does not work like that. It stutters and sticks only in her mind, while in the real world the press clamors and Kara’s cape flutters in the quickening wind. 

“I’m so proud of you,” Kara is saying, her voice pitched so that the waiting journalists might catch words that, God willing, sound hollow to Lena’s ears only. “You were amazing in there.”

Lena is thinking about what the headlines are going to say tomorrow. Luthor and Super: Partners in More Than Crimefighting. Or perhaps, Luthor Makes False Marriage Claim on Witness Stand, Investigation to Follow.

Kara cups Lena’s face with one hand, and she snaps back to reality. She has about half a breath to catch up with what’s happening before Kara is closing the distance between them, and she hates to be a walking cliche, but oh. This is not how she has imagined their first kiss might go - not that she’s ready to admit to anyone except maybe Sam that she’s imagined their first kiss at all - and for a sickening second she feels nothing but regret. But then Kara’s lips are on hers, softer than her imagination has ever accounted for, and Lena is melting into her, kissing her back just at the edge of what might be considered chaste.

It’s an act, of course. If Lena’s heart flutters where she knows perfectly well Kara can hear it, can feel it, that’s just the nerves of the whole situation. Kara is, after all, kissing her on the mouth right there in front of God and everybody, shutters clicking all around them, reporters laughing and cheering in the background. It’s not unreasonable to feel a little something; her secret is still safe.

When Kara breaks the kiss, Lena chases after her mouth, and not for show. There’s that soft smile again, lipstick a little smudged, and perhaps she’s imagining things but Kara’s eyes seem warmer than they did before. 

Kara drops a second kiss onto Lena’s forehead. “Can I take you home?” she asks, her voice still pitched for the journalists on the steps.

“Please,” Lena replies. 

She tucks herself back into Kara’s chest as strong arms close around her. If anyone asks, it’s for the cameras. There’s a car waiting for her, and a driver who will have to be well compensated for the waste of his time, but it’s better if the press sees that she and Supergirl are leaving together, isn’t it? And nothing could be more memorable, more pressworthy, than flight.

And, Lena thinks, it’s better because, selfishly, she wants to prolong this moment of closeness. She wants to soak it all in: Kara’s smell, the brush of her hair across Lena’s cheek, the preparatory breath before takeoff. This is the moment Lena wishes would slow down for her, just this last moment when she can imagine to herself that what happened in the courtroom was a bad dream of little consequence, and that nothing between her and Kara will ever have to change.

///

Kara does not take Lena home. They fly instead over the wide arc of National City’s suburbs and into the foothills, and from there a little further still until they’ve reached the mountains above the city. Kara deposits them in a valley on the leeward side of a low peak dotted half with shrubbery and half with scraggled conifers, the names of which Lena has to admit she does not know. She rubs feeling and warmth back into her arms and resists the urge to ask where they are while Kara paces, the agitation and anxiety in the lines of her body a clear departure from the soft warmth on display outside the courthouse. When she rounds on Lena, it feels like the inevitable fruition of Lena’s mistakes.

“You told them we were married? Lena!”

“Technically I didn’t use those words.”

“Oh okay, so between my wife and my priest, which role did you think the court was going to assume you were alluding to?”

“What was I supposed to say? They had me backed into a corner.”

“It wasn’t relevant to the case! This was about Lilian. It had nothing to do-”

“It doesn’t matter that it wasn’t relevant, because the judge wasn’t intervening. I just- I panicked. I had to say something. I wasn’t going to lie under oath, and even if I were willing, what could I have said? Should I have thrown out some other name, thrown someone else under the bus? And what then, when it became obvious to the nation that I’d lied-”

“Oh, and you thought this was better? What are you going to say when they want proof? There’s no documentation. There was no wedding to document. Supergirl doesn’t exist as a legal entity, you can’t just-”

“Kara, I-”

“It’s just not like you not to think things through.”

They stand there staring at one another, Kara’s jaw clenched, Lena’s arms crossed tight across her chest. The sun is going to go down soon; Lena is already shivering a little in the shadow of the mountain. This is a mess, and it’s a mess of her own making, and she doesn’t know how to unmake it out here in the gathering dark.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I could have - I should have refused to answer. But then they’d have held me in contempt and thrown me in prison. And I’m willing to go to prison for you, Kara, believe me, but then you’d have broken me out because you’re a beautiful idiot, and where would that leave us?”

Kara’s mouth twitches up a little at the corners, and then she laughs outright. “I would have,” she admits. “What a mess that would be.”

“I know I messed up,” Lena offers.

“You were trying to protect me.” Kara scuffs one boot in the dirt. “They’ll try to hit you with perjury charges; you know they will. You might wind up in prison at the end of this anyway.”

Lena nods. She does know this. Some part of her knew it the moment the words I plead the fifth left her mouth, and yet, everything she’s protested to Kara is true. Those words were the only road open to her so long as that judge remained silent.

“Well,” Lena says, “You don’t grow up in the Luthor household without learning a thing or two about the loopholes of the legal system. Burden of proof lies with the prosecution; it would be very difficult to prove that a wedding didn’t happen.”

Kara tsks and turns on her heel to stare out over the valley. “Supergirl isn’t a legal entity. They could challenge you on the grounds that you can’t be legally married to someone who doesn’t legally exist. And if they found a judge more sympathetic to Lex than to you….”

“Not a difficult thing to find,” Lena admits. She stands in the fear and the evening chill for a long moment “I meant what I said, Kara. If I go to prison over this, so be it. Anything to protect you.” Anything for the woman I love, she wants to say, but Kara isn’t ready for that. Might never be ready for that. And neither, truthfully, is Lena.

Kara’s fingers have found the edge of her cape, and now she’s worrying at it in the fading light. She doesn’t look back at Lena for what feels like a long time, and when she does her expression is guarded. “I want you to promise me you’re going to hear me out before you say anything.”

“Okay….” Lena says. She tries to wrestle down her questions, her curiosities, her reservations. Anything for Kara, after all.

Kara takes a deep breath, looking for all the world like she’s readying herself to make a national address. “I have a terrible idea.”

[deluluass]

Red, like blood. Blue, like love.

Content warnings: rape/noncon; nsfw; bullying; soulmates au

Prompt: 88 & 183

There’s someone for everyone, you’d learned growing up.

 "Remember, blue means happy," your mother would say. "The happiest you'll ever be.”

She liked reminding you about this fact— for it is an indisputable truth, every so often when she could still carry you. You’d be hugged from the back, as she recounted stories of first meetings, serendipitous and life changing in their nature; belonging to those who’ve lived long before you, sometimes even those who’ve only lived in tales.

Mostly, your mother loved telling those involving the people she knew. And if you’ve behaved properly, she would tell you about hers. 

Tracing your palm, starting from the forked lines to the dashed ones on your fingers, she’d say, “These would start to glow like stars.”

“That’s weird!” you’d burst out, shrieking a laughter as she tickled you. 

“Listen carefully,” she chastised. “Blue is for your soulmate, okay?”

And you’d repeat: Blue is for my soulmate.

“Then, mama,” you tugged at her sleeves, “What if it’s really, really bright red! Like! Bloody glow sticks! Say, mama, you see, everyone at the park was talking about the man who died because he touched someone and his hand became bright re— ”

You never brought that up again. What your mother said about it had been enough to never make you forget.

“Tell me if you get red,” she said firmly, clutching your arms as if she feared someone would snatch you away from her. “Red is bad, my heart. Red means run.”

 It hadn’t nearly been as gruesome as your mother made it out to be. 

Case in point, when you turned twelve the couple three houses down your street found out, shortly after their honeymoon, that their palms gleamed a fierce red once they clasped each other’s hands in front of the neighborhood aunties.  

Their marriage ended with a swift and ordinary divorce, a year or so later.

Red: Not just an ominous warning for homicide, then. That was a relief, you’d thought.

Contrary to how your mother framed it, you were thankful, actually. It helped some of your friends escape from potentially hellish relationships. How lucky is it that you lived in a reality where the universe seemed exceedingly benevolent. Though, you sometimes have to question if that generosity extended to everyone.

Fat lot of good it did for you. 

Because, from where you’re standing, it doesn’t have to take some arbitrary and unsolvable scientific mystery to heed that Oikawa Tooru must be avoided like the plague.

Any person in your shoes would be conditioned to do exactly that. 

You’d first met in Elementary. You thought he was the prettiest kid you’d ever seen, with chestnut curls and doe eyes and lashes that swept past his cheeks, and when you’d asked for a hand shake he’d called you “the ugliest girl I’ve ever seen” and “fart face.” 

Recess and lunch were when he’s most fearsome. Spiky burdocks slapped on the collar of your dress; dead lizards in your food; the boy was determined. The worst part was that it always happened when no one was looking. And if someone were, it was his best friend. So when you finally told on him to your mom, both your teacher and the principal simply judged Oikawa as the victim of an attention deprived child.

“Please discipline your daughter,” they told her. “We are all aware of your situation at home, but do ensure that she’s not getting out of control.”

You couldn’t even muster up the strength to defend yourself. In that moment all you could do was swear that you’d never allow anyone to talk to your mother in that way again. 

You moved out of that school. 

You didn’t wait for your palms to flash a warning signal because, somehow, you knew that boys who discover early that they could get away with anything cannot get any better. 

There’d been no way to be sure of that until Aoba Johsai— after a peaceful interim of no Oikawa; no red palm lines (and no blue ones, either).

The proof hit you in the face. Literally. 

“Oi, Shittykawa!”

Heat permeated from your nostrils as you patted your cheek, detached and staring back at the large gymnasium. 

“You hit someone!”

How unlucky did a person have to be to bleed right on the first day of classes? 

You tried to lean forward. “It’s okay,” you slurred nasally, pinching your nose and averting your embarrassed gaze from the boy kneeling next to you.

“Trashykawa! You better hurry and apologize!”

“Don’t be mad, Iwa-chan,” that disgustingly saccharine voice came from behind you, making you flinch, as if the years you’d spent apart had done nothing to purge it out of your system.

In all honesty, you hadn’t really cared for whoever was responsible for the ball that careened all the way to where you were standing, so sure that it had to be an accident. No one in their right mind would want to injure someone they barely knew, especially if said someone is a couple of feet away from you. 

Morally and athletically, it should’ve been improbable. But then you saw who did it and everything made perfect sense.

Iwa-chan. The boy beside you. Iwaizumi Hajime.

If he’s here, then— 

“You,” he whispered. 

“Eh?! Gosh, I’m so sorry!” Oikawa Tooru gasped. “You’re bleeding.”

Time is cruel. It wears down on you, tears you and molds you into something you can’t even recognize, if it decides to. (Fate, more so). You didn’t know if you wanted to cry or laugh, looking at him. If the universe were so benevolent, then perhaps Oikawa Tooru had received all of its favor.

He was beautiful. You’d known this before, but with all the baby fat replaced with sharp yet slender angles, figure lean and imposing even when he’d lowered himself to meet your eyes, Oikawa didn’t seem real.

“I did hit someone, didn’t I?” he pouted, wiping the dried blood atop your lip. “And such a pretty girl, too.”

That volleyball existed should’ve made life better for you. It didn’t. If anything, it seemed that out of the court, when he’s not taking names and being praised like a god, you were his little pastime. Something fun to take his mind off whatever it is he thinks about it. 

The mocking comments, you could handle; every time you’d recite and he’ll interject with something playful and then the entire class would laugh (because he’s Oikawa) and your professor would reprimand him but you could always tell that they, too, are holding in a giggle. 

Those were easy to bear, because although his insults hit way too close to home, it’s just— it’s just so petty.

Really, it’s the aftermath that does the damage.

“They’re like Christmas lights under your skin!” 

This topic pops up every month or so. Most people your age can be lucky enough to meet their soulmate this early. 

“And it’s the most awesome feeling in the world,” your classmate sighed. “When we touched hands? Man. We just- we glowed.”

Then, the others would poke fun, faking a gagged expression, but they’d always ask afterwards, “What happened next?” And everytime, you’d watch from the sidelines. Like an uninvited audience. 

You tried being a part of it once, wanting to share about the time your close friend met her soulmate. But all you’d gotten were side eyes and titters, as if they were laughing about a joke only you didn’t know about. 

“They’re so mean to you.” 

You groaned.

Oikawa was seated behind you, resting his head against his elbow. Everyone was too busy talking about blue lights and destined souls to notice what’s happening at the back of the room. 

He continued, “Not including you in conversations, treating you like an outsider.”

You didn’t bite, focusing on the opened book in front of you.

“Must be lonely, having no one.”

“Oikawa,” you muttered under your breath. “I don’t have the energy for this.”

The silence that came after that was unexpected. You were sure it would be short lived; he’s just gearing up for more. He usually went at it until you’d have no choice but to physically remove yourself from his presence. You’d thought once that that may be why he does this so much. Maybe he still thought you were the “ugliest girl” he’s ever met and he wants you out of his sight. Because Oikawa’s infantile like that.

But the silence stayed, accompanied by the background noise of eager conversations; lingering some more as white, fluffy clouds passed by the glass windows. 

When he broke it, all Oikawa said was, “Soulmates, huh.”

You felt a finger touch your back, drawing the barest of lines over your uniform. He removed them just before you could stand up and leave. 

You disliked those moments with him. 

You disliked him especially when he played. 

Oikawa’s a monster, be it in volleyball or with you. There are times, though, that you’d notice some things that you think you’re not meant to see. Like after a serve— its impact booming throughout the court, he’d have this puzzling expression on his face. 

It looked like....anger. 

He scored a point, right? Everyone’s cheering for him, aren’t they? Wait, didn’t they win?

You thought maybe it’s the adrenaline making him nastier than usual, but sometimes you’d pass by the gym when he happens to be alone. And that anger is still there, punctuated by the sound of the ball exploding against the floor. Jump. Hit. Spike. Jump. Hit. Spike. He’d do it, again and again and again. 

As if he’s trying to grasp something even he cannot reach. 

Those instances should’ve taught you that the best thing to do is look away. 

That’s what you should’ve done. Look away.

They lost the Interhigh tournament.

You knew this not because you’d watched, but because for one day, Oikawa Tooru wasn’t your bully. 

The derision was replaced by sulking. He didn’t speak for the entire period. The funniest thing about it was that everyone kept staring at you. Like somehow you’d been the cause of this, when all of them were lamenting the loss just as much as the team itself. 

 What was supposed to be a reason for celebration suddenly became a crime that you had to explain for.

 “Great,” you grumbled to yourself. “One time I don’t have a target on my back, now I’m the bad guy.”

Trash bag in hand, the scraps inside rattled against each other as you stomped to the recycling bin, both sleeves of your P.E jacket folded up to the elbows. You affected a tone, choosing to mock the grating way some of classmates talked:

“Oh, hey, if it’s not too much,” you began. “Can you please be his punching bag again? If you will, can you relieve our superstar’s burdens? By, I don’t know, alluring him into walking all over you? Like the good old days! Please, oh please? We rely on you, oh Great Punching Bag! We Beseech thee, oh Esteemed Doormat! We compel— dude, what the fuck?!”

Crumpled papers and steel and tin cans rolled to the ground. You didn’t pick them up, like you should’ve; you left it there, trash bag lying open, and grabbed the ball that whisked mere inches from your face. 

This time you’re not making the same mistake. The asshole is more than capable of suspending what little morals he has, just to hurt someone he barely knew. As well as athletically adept (an understatement, that) at hitting a walking target; or not hitting it, in this case.  

You stormed the almost empty gym. Oikawa is a ray of sunshine, greeting you with that smile. It makes you want to punch him.

“What is wrong with you?” you spat. 

He chuckled. “Whoops. Sorry!” 

“I’m not having this-” you shoved the ball to his stomach. He didn’t even blink. “This isn’t gonna slide anymore, Oikawa.”

Wide grin still in place, he took it from your hands with his much larger ones and said, “Wow, you’re actually mad this time. ”  

Then, he added, “I didn’t mean it! Honest!” 

Must be nice, you thought with a scowl, to be him. Anyone can be sincere if they look anything like Oikawa. 

“Sure. Fine. No, actually,” you glowered. “You know what?” 

“Hm?” He tilted his head. Oikawa tilted his pretty little head.

You seethed. “I get it. You lost. That doesn’t mean you get to take it out on me. I mean, what did I ever do to you, Oikawa? I have-” you exhaled, surprised by the break in your voice. 

“I haven’t done anything to you. We stopped being kids a long time ago. That shit you pull should’ve ended by now. We’ve grown.” You jabbed his chest. “But I see that maybe not all of us have.”

His pleased expression hadn’t dropped. “Ouch,” Oikawa grimaced, glancing amusedly at the place you’d touched. “How mean.”

This isn’t going anywhere. 

You don’t know why it took you this long to realize this, as you shifted your gaze away from him, noticing the gashes on the floor that tear the surface like scars that never healed. That must’ve been because of him, with the amount of practice he does. 

“It won’t be enough, won’t it, Oikawa?” you whispered. “Not for you.”

The smile that’s been there since you arrived tensed, straining at the corners of his lips. 

“Yeah, I’ve been told,” he beamed. 

He was bathing in his own sweat, seeping through his shirt and matting his hair to his face, and he looks— Oikawa looked tired. His eyes were sunken in, too. Did he even sleep?

You’re so used to seeing him not a hair out of place, with a sweet scent that you amusedly thought lures his gaggle of admirers into following him everywhere. It takes you aback, honestly. Particularly the wobble in his step as he bent and squeezed his knee with shaky fingers.

You don’t think he’s aware he’s doing it in front of you.

Then, just like that, everything seemed to have added up.  

“You’ll never be happy,” you said.

You should’ve stopped there. You should’ve left. Instead, you looked him in those brown eyes, the warm hue becoming a lot colder as he moved closer. 

Oikawa sneered. “And what do you know, huh?” 

(Go. Leave.)

“Nothing,” you told him. “I don’t- I don’t know. Because, I don’t get it.”

(Shut up. Shut up.)

“Why you try any harder, I don’t know. Win or lose, it’s all the same. You’re still the same. You’re still awful and annoying and- and still you.” You laughed, unsure why you’re running your mouth like this. 

“Win or lose. Oikawa is still Oikawa,” you breathed in. “Nothing more, nothing less.”

His teammates must’ve gone somewhere. For lunch, maybe, you thought as you eyed the abandoned bottles and used towels scattered around the court. “Besides,” you huffed, not without a twinge of envy. “They’ll all still love you, either way.” 

Everything went still for a while, and you’d just realized what you’d just said.

“What about you?” 

You looked back at him.

“What?”

He tipped his chin. You stepped backwards. 

He brushed your wrist.

“Don’t touch me,” you hissed, but he only smiled and wrapped his entire hand around it. 

Oikawa had been your first bully. Before you could even comprehend what that meant, Oikawa had been the source of your mother’s worries whenever she parted with you at the school gates. It is funny, thinking about it, for letting this boy affect you despite making an effort to stay away the first time. 

But it is only now— now that he has a firm hold on you, gentle yet smothering— that you truly feared Oikawa Tooru. 

It rattled your breath, squeezing your heart and refusing air to pass through your lungs, as you felt a shock zap through you. And apparently through him as well.

You broke away from each out with a cry.

Your hand was burning. That’s the only explanation for it. Your hand was burning and any moment now smoke will diffuse from the pores. 

You waited. Any moment now. But the more you stared at it the more tiny spots of flames sparked under your skin, bursting along the palm lines— first, the forked ones; then, the dashed lines— glaring back at you, glowing brighter, blotting and spreading until they mapped your palms then your entire hands like constellations. 

“Red is bad, my heart,” your mother said. “Red means run.”

“I knew it,” you scoffed, shaking your head. 

Well, it’s not as if this is news to you. 

“What about that, Oikawa?” You put both your radiating hands in the air. ���The universe is telling us, you and I? We just don’t—”

Why are you crying?

Why is Oikawa crying? 

“I knew it,” he croaked.

Your mother made the red light sound so horrifying for a reason. 

There has to be a reason, too, why the universe is warning you so late into your life. You’d actually ran before. And when you thought it a waste of money, you chose to stay and not fight back; thinking that his punches have become less severe, degraded into verbal taunts that induce social exclusion at most; that, certainly, red doesn’t forbode something as bad as murder, right?

Well, what now? You were wrong, after all. This time you have a feeling that you actually need to hide. 

Because Oikawa’s looking at you like you’re the last two people left in this Earth. 

Just you and him. Without any need for anybody else. 

You didn’t breathe, attempting to bolt despite the overwhelming need to throw up right where you're standing. He stepped closer, faster than you’d liked, and touched your face, caressing your cheek up to your aching temple.

“You should really stop trying to run away,” he said, voice low as if he’s sharing a secret. “I’ll always find you, you know?”

You didn’t have to look to know. Even if you closed your eyes, as well, you know it’s still going to be there; glowing in the darkness behind your eyelids.

“Me and you—” Oikawa sighed. 

Listen carefully, your mother said.

“ —we have a connection that no one else will ever understand,” he said.

The light emitting from his hand was so harsh it hurt you, pricking your sight until it drew fat tears, reflecting against your damp face and tinting the fallen streaks with bright—

Blue means happy, she told you. The happiest you’ll ever be.

And you’d repeat: Blue. Blue is for—

“My soulmate," Oikawa said, before locking you in a deep, searing kiss. 

The lights didn't die even as he dragged you into the storage room.  

"Hey, where'd senpai go?" 

The rest of the volleyball team came in droves, occupying the hollow court with their squeaking shoes and questions about Oikawa's whereabouts.

"Must've gone somewhere," you heard a deep voice say. 

You could answer that question. All you  had to do was scream. They weren't so far from the room that they wouldn't pick it up over the noise of their volleyball practice. Really, if you needed to, you could even outshout their guttural yells of "Nice kill!"

Though, you'd have to remove the underwear lodged in your mouth first. 

Yours, in fact; soaked now by your own saliva, drool dripping to your chin as your wrists chafed against the rope that's keeping them tied at your back.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" You felt every sickening movement of Oikawa's lips against your throat. "Feels good when you- ah, fuck- when you give in."

With the cloth muting your shrill bawling, you tried your best to recall how you ended up here: seated on his lap as he sluggishly humped himself against you, his still glowing hands cupping your ass.  

The only thing left on your body was your bra, and even that he's already lowered to let your tits spill over the top. Your pants and t-shirt and jacket are lying around somewhere. You couldn't determine where in particular; the only sources of light were behind you.  

He was leaving imprints of blue all over your skin; around your waist as he slithered his hands to reach your breasts, scantily brushing over the hardened nipples and making you keel over.

"So sensitive," he tutted, smooching your neck so gently that even the underwear couldn't muffle your loud yelp when he suddenly bit into the flesh. Hard. 

You wanted to claw his eyes out and call for help and you wanted badly to scream don't do that Oikawa someone please save me he's gonna kill me he's gonna kill me-

But the gag remained intact and the boys outside continued their game, ignorant that their precious captain is taking everything away from you. 

Sharp canines bruised your skin, provoking a fresh batch of tears as he sucked and licked every after cruel bite. 

Then, when you thought the worst had passed, he removed his mouth from your neck to spit onto your bare cunt, allowing it to slide from the hair on your mound to the nub sticking out in the middle.

(It is not enough that he is killing you. Oikawa must defile you, too.)

His fingers gripped the insides of your thighs open when you tried to shut them together. "Don't be a brat," he clicked his tongue.

"Be a nice little kitten for me," Oikawa drawled, smearing the slick that's soaking your folds against the spittle coating your clit.

You didn't notice when he'd taken his cock out, you only realize that he's about to enter you when he teased your entrance with it, pushing the tip to nudge the drenched hole, only to pull it back again.

And you didn't dare look. The feel of it almost stretching you out with just the head is already driving you to insipid begging.

"What'd you say, kitten?" he pouted.

Oikawa you've already taken too much is it never going to be enough Oikawa let me go.

"I can't understand you," he chuckled. "Here—"

He pulled the underwear out of your mouth as he thrust all the way inside, your back arching, driving him deeper, as his cock throbbed against your pussy walls.

"Now, what were you saying?"

You swallowed your cries and heaved and swore you were gonna tear his heart out after this. 

"Say," he whispered, sniffing your wet panties without breaking his gaze. "If everyone saw us right now, how'd you think they'd react?"

It was so reverent, the way he did it, blue light revealing that he closed his eyes as he took a whiff, as if he hung onto your scent like a lifeline.

But you thought that'd been a calculated move, because as you dumbly stared at him, he immediately gyrated his hips under you, rocking back and forth ever so slowly, and you remembered that you had to keep quiet.

His cock was so big inside you, making you bite your lip as it filled you up, the curved tip hitting a spot that has you squirming in his embrace.

"At this point they'll know how much of a whore you are," he said, tangling his muscled arms around yours and anchoring you to his body. "Made just for me."

"Oika-Oikawa…"

You don't know this person. 

"Help..me.."

You don't know who's speaking out and whimpering for Oikawa, on her knees and bouncing up and down on his lap with weak, quivering thighs. 

It couldn't be you.

"Help you?" You felt him nuzzle your neck. "I thought you wanted me to stay away, though?"

Someone mewled out a pathetic, "N-no."

"No? Then what d'you want, kitten?"

(Oh. Oh, he feels so fucking good.)

Your belly has never felt this hot before and it's driving you crazy that you're chasing for something you cannot see and it feels so near but there's something, something that's keeping you from it that all you can do is grind your sopping cunt closer to him.

"Wanna- I wanna cum."

Oikawa kissed you on the forehead, and then he said, "Go ahead, then."

He released your arms. 

Then, he's scooping cum off your pussy, making sure to drag his fingers under the lips, before circling your large, swelling clit. Then, he's sucking your tits and swirling his tongue around a nipple and you're so so close.

"That's it," Oikawa sighed. "Ride my cock, baby."

His rough palm slapped both your ass cheeks and the cry that erupted from you only made him laugh. 

"Make yourself cum on my cock," he grunted, licking his smiling lips as he leaned back against the wall, hand idly rubbing your dripping clit. "You're making a mess, darling. Leaking like that."

You're quivering all over; your cunt is spasming and your legs are complaining beneath you, but you don't stop. You lift your hips and then sink your pussy down, down until you feel his balls touching your sore ass, the sloshing sound growing louder as you move faster. 

You don't think about what this'll all mean later, what you're doing giving in to him, when you scream out his name. But as soon as you did, Oikawa's growl had been your only warning.

He grabbed the back of your head and kissed you, plunging his tongue into your throat, his strong arms pressing you so close to him you can no longer tell his skin from yours, his battering heartbeat from yours. 

You didn't move—weren't allowed to, when he hammered his cock into you, pounding your cunt and fucking you raw until you're breathless and nothing but a shuddering wreck, splitting at the seams in his hands as you feel thick spurts of hot cum slide out of you. 

"My pretty girl," came his hoarse whisper. "My pretty, pretty girl."

The lights have dimmed, when he cradled your shaking form and moved out of you, faint traces left on just the palm lines and fingertips. 

They were flooded by the sudden brightness that enveloped the storage room.

"Holy shit."

You pressed your eyes close, your entire body prickling at Oikawa’s touch.

It shouldn't be surprising, at this point, that Oikawa, as quick as he'd stripped you off of everything, has already covered you back in your jacket. The smell of it striking you ruthlessly, that old cologne that you always use to school reminding you of who you were, before all this.

Had it only been a few hours? It felt like a lifetime ago.

"Ah," Oikawa murmured. "They caught us."

"Oikawa,” someone roared. Oikawa held you, hiding your face against his chest. “Why you son of a-"

"C-coach..! Stop- Oi, someone help me hold him- no, coach! "

You heard him chuckle. “Sorry about this, everyone.” He held up his hand and you had to keep yourself from sobbing. “But, look.”

There were several gasps. 

(Everybody knows now.)

“You..and her?” 

The boy who said that sounded so astonished, clearly overjoyed for some reason, that it revolted you.

“Mhm,” he nodded, a smile in his voice. “Now, can you guys please give us some privacy?” 

Feet shuffled out of the room, along with stuttered apologies. They all left. 

Except for one.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa pouted.

“What did you do, Oikawa?”

A beat. Then, he repeated, “Iwa-chan.”

Please. 

Iwaizumi didn’t say anything. 

Please help me.

“Sure,” he grunted.

He was gone, too, after that.

You were back in the darkness, with nothing but the faltering red and blue on your hands and his, while he untied your wrists and kneaded the abrasion away, cooing sweet nothings to your ear. 

“I hate you,” you rasped. 

“Don’t say that.”

“I fucking hate you-”

“Please stop yelling-”

“I won’t ever forgive you, Oikawa!”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he cried, shaking his head as he brushed your tear-stained cheeks with both thumbs. You clutched them, wanting him off you, but he only latched himself firmly into you. “We’re meant to be.”

“You’re the only one for me.” 

Oikawa brought your numb hand to his face, pressing a kiss to your palm, the red light basking him in its soft glow.

“And I’m the only one for you,” he said, intertwining your fingers together. 

The lights flickered in and out, at first, as you stared vacantly into it, the red and blue swallowing each other. Until they finally disappeared, leaving just you and him, curled against each other in the shadows. 

[vivithefolle]

Can I join your anti-Hermione club? Is there an application form? (In all seriousness, I'm so glad there's someone on Tumblr who is anti-Hermione for good reasons. It drives me absolutely insane how much the fandom worships her. I respect her intelligence, but there are so many absurdly unethical things she does. The hexing of Marietta Edgecombe - I researched it, it's both against contract law and would almost certainly be considered assault - was crazy, and even crazier was that it's excused.)

Hahaha, no application form needed, just a lot of bitterness and a touch of rage.

Something that really annoys me is how people are trying to tell me I'm doing Hermione-bashing when I give her the what-for. Or try to say "but she was a teenager :(". Really, freaking really? So when Hermione scars people on the face she's being a teenager but when Ron is pissy for a night in fourth year he's a total asshole? No, nope, not gonna let that lie.

My issue is that Ron's mistakes are teenager-sized; making an ass of yourself during a soirée, dating someone you're not really interested in because you're flattered by the attention, getting mad at your friend over silly stuff, saying stupid things without thinking... teenage mistakes. Those are teenage mistakes. (Something could be said of his leaving on the Horcrux Hunt but. Bitches. Voldemort himself (a part of him at least) was there singling him out for torture. Not to mention the heavy blood loss, the fact that his family's in danger, etcetera... But of course nobody is willing to accept those circumstances, nooo, it's only Ron who's the sole responsible for leaving absolutely, right, "Hermione is a teenager :(" and "Harry has PTSD :(((" but Ron isn't allowed to have problems of course. Fucking hypocrites.)

Meanwhile Hermione wakes up everyday and chooses violence and not for good reasons. I mean when your first reflex to distract someone is to set them on fire surely that indicates some issues? (Later on she forgets that she can use magic to light a fire... against a plant. I mean. How. How do you come to the conclusion that you should light a person on fire to "distract" them but cannot apply that reasoning to a goddamn killer plant.) The thing is people just... because we're constantly told that Hermione is intelligent/has good grades/works hard, people are quick to assume that she's obviously the most mature one in the room. But being a hard worker isn't necessarily a "proof" of maturity. It's just that people's expectations are that "a studious kid" is a mature kid, but really what they mean by "mature" is "doesn't annoy me to hell and back by playing noisily".

There’s this huge manipulation that plays on people’s expectations: being coded as “the studious girl” people are told through stereotypes that Hermione is smart, mature and logical… and the text is quick to try to reinforce the idea by having her spout definitions (=”smart”, for a degree of it; it’s mostly good memory), scold others for being rowdy (=mature, except that she’s not above it all either and a big part of maturity also involves REALIZING YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES which, Hermione’s don’t, so oops) and have her solve some puzzles or explain things (=logical… but sometimes her reasoning is based on emotion and she just tries to find evidence to justify why she thinks it’s right, rather than go from one thing to another).

When people try to brush off the fucked-up things Hermione did with "well she was a teenager" or "it was the war effort"... no. Fuck no. She didn't have to wipe her parents' minds and memories, there was the Order, the Dursleys were treated better than Hermione's parents for God's sake. But the only thing that matters about Hermione's parents is that they can be conveniently sacrificed to let us know how brave their daughter is right, it's not like she's in anything called the House of the Brave or something, it's not like she's constantly being thrown in mortal danger and is scared but keeps pushing forward, no we absolutely HAD to have a plot point that involves Hermione destroying two people's identities so we know how brave she is (how was any of it brave? Bravery is risking yourself, not the life of two innocents who barely know what's going on and are in no position to fight back).

And with the Romione fandom trying to push back to "nooo but she was a teenager m'kay she had her reasons for everything"... You want to get back to the Dark Ages where Hermione can do anything to Ron and it's his fault for not being perfect enough for her? Because that's how you go back to the Dark Ages.

In concept I love Romione. In the books I love it till about Book 3 (and even then that's pushing it because Hermione's utter disregard for Ron's pet sits very unwell with me, BUT okay fine she's still a child, it's her first pet, she has no idea how to own a pet and she's not used to being mindful of others' feelings. Then she gets validated by the plot because Scabbers was Pettigrew and somehow that means Hermione wasn't horribly callous to Ron's feelings or anything... meanwhile had it been Ron buying Crookshanks and Scabbers being Hermione's pet everyone would have been like "but who cares that Ron was right in the end, do you see how horribly he hurt poor Hermione's feelings!!!"...

It's just. No more excuses. Hermione is fucked-up. As a person, not just because of the war. She had a vicious, vindictive streak that only got enabled through the books because she never was called out on it. And I mean, I'm all for standing up for yourself, or for slapping Draco Malfoy's bitchy ass ferret face. But fuck. When you're doing the magic equivalent of an acid attack on someone's face, when you're physically abusing someone you're supposed to love AND THREATEN TO DO IT AGAIN AS IF IT WAS SOMETHING CUTE OR QUIRKY, when you're brainwashing your own parents into compliance because you can't be bothered to lie to them or make the Order get them... You know how many fics I've seen that take the "I did actually Confund my examiner" exchange from the Epilogue and run away with it to make it so Ron gets in a horrible car accident or invent entire collapses of the Statute of Secrecy as a result of an investigation connected to this "ha ha look it's funny Ron cheated on his exam" moment? Why don't I ever see a fic talking about how Hermione erasing her parents from existence leads to the destruction of Wizarding society through the legal bullshit that follows? Because Hermione dear, did you think to alter "Wendell" and "Monica"'s birth certificates? Their marriage contract? Their VISAs? Their bank accounts? Otherwise you've just turned your parents into homeless vagrants hopelessly lost in Australia who can't ever find a home anywhere because they simply don't exist in the eyes of any government. But hey nobody ever thinks of that because it's so much easier to nitpick everything Ron does. The only thing folks notice about Hermione nowaday is Emma Watson's boobies.

... I'm sorry, I just... Ugh. People.

[imjustasmith]

Some of the Becoming Elizabeth accuracy/fiction criticism on here (as in tumblr) feels so uneven. I’d like to write shows like BE about real life historical characters and I’ve been looking to see what people who knew more about this time thought. Stuff like whether they needed to go so far with TS abuse when it seems unlikely it actually did or choosing not to have Catherine reply to Elizabeth’s letters when she did, feel like valid questions about the choices the shows made with the facts.

But some of the criticisms make out something is wildly and ridiculously innacurate for little reason. I saw people complaining that it’s pure fiction Mary writing to Elizabeth and that she replied (from ep 2 and 3) cause there’s no evidence to prove it. I get no letter exists now but we don’t have every piece of correspondence ever. Mary did feel increasingly oppressed by Edward and ostracised from court, and began fearing for her future as a catholic. Is it such a stretch for her to have written to her sister wanting reassurance or support? And Elizabeth was a Protestant and seems to not tried to mend the rift or defend Mary, so did effectively side with Edward. Which would have heightened Mary’s worry and sense of danger, which would have then been an issue for the council. I thought it was quite a smart way of sticking to the truth whilst also showing Elizabeth see how private choices about family could have political consequences. I found it kinda disappointing to see people making out it was laughable nonsense pretending she had influence when she didn’t (especially as I think they showed that she didn’t), and was on par with something like TSP having KA calling the shots in every council.

And, this isn’t meant to be rude or aimed at anyone, I only use this example as I can remember it rather than it being such an awful comment, but seeing complaints like Edwstd wouldn’t say ‘Elizabeth abandoned us’ because she only moved households…feels like its more proving how much smarter people are than the dumb show. But the scene does say he’s upset cause she left Catherine’s house and sent no word since, then Mary says it’s not like she’s in hiding.

I suppose that was a really long way of asking, what do you think the line is for shows like BE when it comes to historical accuracy. What do you want/expect it to be? Cause I see most people seem to enjoy the largely fictional pedro story. So what is the difference between fun accurate feeling invention and a show pretending stuff happened that didn’t

hi anon, you totally have a point and we can't always please everyone, as every person would have their own preference or limits to where a fiction adaption of real events can go.

for me, it all comes to staying true to the real people you're portraying. i don't mind much added scenes if they help the plot in the right direction and feels true to what happened or could actually have happened.

in terms of BE, some added scenes are okay for the fiction they're playing but other not, the biggest example of a bigger no no that can enrage your viewing public is the s*x/r*pe scenes between elizabeth and thomas. why? because we have more proofs than no that tell us that didn't happen and if you add to that the fact she said yes to a marriage the real elizabeth never said a good thing about...

as a good example of big fictional scenes added to historical adaptions, is the scene of robert dudley dying in hbo elizabeth i. we know for a fact she wasn't there when he died😞 but did the scene helped the story they're telling? yes. was it true to the characters? also yes, (did we need essex there? nop lmao sorry that was my shipper heart talking). Fictional adaptation will always have to made up scenes or reduce time periods/making scenes to portrayed that, as in the same hbo E, in the scene were robert comes back to court, when we know he didn't stayed out long but it was a way to show the turmoil of that time. or how they portrayed robert's involvement in having elizabeth saying "yes" to mqos execution (sorry to always use him as an example but those scenes are for front in my mind), you can see three different but at the same time similar ways of doing that on hbo E, the virgin queen and the german docu women who made history.

what i'm trying to say, is that adapting is a hard work and it will always have your views on it, the important thing is to staying true to the people you're working with, because they were real people not fictional ones and whatever scenes you made up should have that in mind and ofc, it would also be important if you're truly trying to portray actual history (as BE says) or purely fiction with real names (as starz mqos).