#WHY SHOULD I END UP CRYING
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I'm pretty sure studying shouldn't feel like your soul's trying to become a black hole.
#i don't know what is wrong with me#but i know something is#i am just trying to study#why is it so difficult#why is everyone acting like its something everyone can do easily#what the hell just study means#just concentrate#just open the fucking book#IM TRYING#WHY IS THAT NOT ENOUGH#WHY SHOULD I END UP CRYING#WITHOUT HAVING DONE ANY PROGRESS#what is wrong with me#what should it do#im desperate#im broken#i need help.#exam season#exam stress#final exams#exams#its the neurodivergency#neurodivergent#???#is this what it is?#it is what it is
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I love how people's response to critiques about the companions not noticing or being supportive of Rook's mental health is "you're too stupid" and "you don't understand the game like I do" and "here's my headcanon why you're wrong."
Why are y'all doing all the heavy lifting for the writing and then giving all the credits to the writing.
"Emmrich is taking you to the graveyard to help with Varric's death."
WHERE IN THE TEXT DOES IT SAY THAT. Does Emmrich even know how close Rook was to Varric? That's a nice headcanon to infer, and it would make a LOT of sense. But this is literally the "tell don't show" game, where they tell you everything three times, unless it has to do with Rook's mental health, and then it's suddenly secretly an understated genius story that I just don't understand because I'm too stupid? Okay?
No, it's once again the framework of something great that is ultimately unfinished and underutilized and a lot of people are doing the heavy-lifting for the plot and seeing their heavy-lifted headcanons propelled across the fandom, and then thinking that's just what the text says. When it does not.
I do think this is also a result of the later half of the 2nd act and all of the 3rd act being really good. Like, the later parts of this game are so good that it has me doubting my sanity about the first parts, but then I replay it and go "lol no it was bad."
#i don't appreciate people basically acting like everyone who has issues with the writing are somehow missing something special and crucial#it's extremely fucking rude#like no the “subtlety” of Rook's mental health is that it's not written at all in the first two acts and then given 1 short scene in the#third act. that's not subtlety that's doing NOTHING WITH THE MATERIAL YOU HAVE#they could have DONE SO MUCH WITH THAT PLOT#it actually makes me want to cry because you know the last game i played with this kind of plot????? FUCKING OMORI#OMORI IS THE LAST GAME I PLAYED LIKE THIS#I WAS EXPECTING OMORI LEVELS OF DIVING INTO HALLUCINATIONS#I was FULLY ready for Rook to have psychosis!!!!!!!!!#what I got was such a slap to the fucking face#We could have had MORE hallucinations#Solas's blood magic could have started degrading Rook's mental health and faculties#the fucKING CARETAKER MIGHT HAVE BECOME ACTUALLY RELEVANT#datv critical#do i sound angry. ok i cant lie i'm a little angry. i hate it when ppl make me doubt my sanity a normal amount. speaking as a sane person#edit: i'm also going to add that a lot of these end up veering into ableist territories#you can disagree with a take without saying shit about people's eyes and brains and ability to read#some people literally Do struggle to understand shit#NO they should not have to keep their mouths shut bc some ASSHOLES on the internet love to have an “idiot” to laugh at#some people DO struggle to read donald! thats why they go online and ask questions! sometimes they miss shit!#“bUt THey mAdE iT sO oBvIouS” and so what? they missed it. oh spare your poor heart. a person missed a detail. this must be so hard for you
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cw: you two have a son together, mention of being married, old man Bakugou
older retired pro hero Bakugou, who you find hunched over his desk one night. it’s late and the day was long and your son was whinier than he usually is. you’d think the old man would be in bed right now, but alas—he’s not beside you.
instead, as you round the corner to get a full look at him, he’s wearing his reading glasses, adorning an old ratty tank, his arms still big but softer than the years from before. he has a book open in front of him, desk scattered with pictures you can’t see from your angle, scissors, stickers, glue sticks.
“What are you getting up to at this hour, old man?” You ask softly, smiling when Bakugou doesn’t even look up from what he’s doing. his tongue is sticking out in the corner as he cuts a squiggly line on a picture, posing it beside another on a blank piece of paper.
“Therapist said I should get into crafting,” he grunts, finally looking over at you from over his glasses. “Do things with my hands, feel busy, get my mind off’a shit.”
you pad over to where he sits, the overhead lamp on his desk focused on the big baby blue book with white pages. peeking over his shoulder, you rest your head on top of his, chin nestled in the still unruly blond and silver locks, overseeing his work.
and honestly? it almost makes you wanna cry. it’s a scrapbook, the page open to pictures of your wedding day, how pretty you looked, how big he smiled at you. you can see other scattered pictures on his desk—when you got a promotion at work, when he was number one for seven months in a row, a positive pregnancy test, the cutest baby you’ve ever seen, two little teeth coming in, baby being held in dads big ole arms that will always protect him.
“After this page, I gotta do the honeymoon.” Bakugou speaks gruffly, setting down a picture to wipe a hand down his face. “And then life accomplishment shit, the baby, his first steps.” He sounds so tired, and you can’t help but wrap your arms around his shoulders, sliding down to smush your face against his own.
“You always have tomorrow. Come to bed.” You say against his cheek, squeezing him when you feel the rejection start up in his belly. But he deflates, pulling his glasses off, reaching around to pull you in his lap. He looks so grumpy, with his frown lines and crows feet, and yet so handsome with his small smile and soft eyes.
“I’ll print more pictures tomorrow. And maybe go by the store to get some more stickers, too.” He tells you in between kisses, his words soft, his hands rough through your pajamas. You hum against his mouth, holding his nape, afraid to ever let him go.
“You do that. Now let’s go to bed.” You whisper, standing up and pulling him with you. He closes the scrapbook for now, and you glimpse at the cover, heart melting at the picture of you two holding up your son, both kissing his cheeks. The picture is captioned with “Our Life” and you don’t think you’ve ever been more grateful to have met him.
#I feel like you can always tell what I’m doing bc I end up writing about bkg doing it ajsjdkd#I AM SCRAPBOOKING!!!! and it’s more stressful for me than it should be 😔#it’s fun tho!!! and nice to see it come together!!!!#but I think he’d hate it and be all grumbly about it#until it starts coming together and he’s like ‘🙂 I made this and it’s fuckin awesome’#loves putting in every single memory and every single picture of you#bc he can’t decide which one looks better bc they all look good to him wksjdk#ends up having to get more pages or a whole other book entirely bc he runs out of pages#all dedicated to you and baby#why am I crying#okay bye I sleeby#also should I write tomorrow or do my makeup 🤔🤔🤔 cause I won’t be able to do either until Monday 🤔🤔#bakugou treats! 🍬#—new treat in the streets! 🍫#dad bkg
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daily reminder: Ochako had to make herself physically see the damage the villains and war created in order to forget the uneasy feeling she got when Himiko smiled sadly (+ all the things she thought when she saw her). She cant forget what she has done (because she doesnt like the destruction), but that doesnt mean she cant forgive her or that made her feel distance from her.
Izuku can't forgive what Shigaraki has done, and as far as we know, he doesn't need to remind himself of the pain; his empathy doesn't make him feel weird about reaching out to a villain, at least on its own.
Its not a copy paste of the same battle or story.
Himiko and Izuku make Ochako wonder about the concept of heroism and saving, the roles heroes and villains have, and they also have an impact on her behavior, ideals, and feelings for them and herself. Shigaraki's fate and the world around Izuku seems to make him wonder about his role as a savior, because he doesnt feel like he fulfilled it really, when it ended up with someone else dying. He finds in Ochako someone who would agree on ideals about saving others, and thats great on its own.
#grrr talking#togachako#togaocha#ochahimi#himichako#I can see how hori tried to make her part of the triangle with deku-shigaraki (?)#when the three met at the mall#but she isnt connected thru that anymore#bc she should be somewhere else#im on my knees I would cry if Ochako ended up like a normal girl with a normal love and a normal relationship#“but they are weird!” bc they are in that interpretation so heroic they would save villains?#yeah no they are weird bc izuku has his fucking crazy moments#and ochako thinks a cannibalistic villain looks all cute#do they match their freak? do you think they match their freak?#im sorry im stressed n when im stressed I tend to talk about why I dont want izu///ocha to happen dakjdadkasjdlka
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Amazing, take some of the side character demons from Evil Bound.
Vincie is a menace to Chuck and Chuck alone so in Hell, Chuck hexes his hand behind his back so that he isn't grabbed as much (and it's harder to pet him). Chuck is like the most irresponsible older sibling ever to demons though so Kelvin recruits him (as an older sibling vibe) to go help him get his ACTUAL older sibling from Earth. Chuck agrees. And then drags Vincie from Hell with them because no one else wants to babysit him and he refuses to unbind the hex just to re-hex when he returns to Hell.
In Hell, Kelvin actually doesn't appear much different than his human form! Like Kronos, the lines under his eyes are red in Hell but black on earth. Chuck however? In Hell he has wolf-ish ears and has a fur lining his neck (note the neck scars in human form). In addition to that he has four eyes in Hell (note the scars under his eyes in human form). Vincie just has horns in Hell. And! In Hell the hex doesn't have a silly looking "tied up" look, it's invisible unless Vincie strains it with movement and then its red text. But it shifts on earth to be visible.
Vincie's biggest agony for the entirety on earth is "dude it's colder here than in Hell I want a jacket to slip my arms into BUT I CANT BECAUSE IM BOUND".
#my characters#amazing show stopping rng wheel thanks#i have my oc plots on a wheel - thats 80 different options! wow! - and spun it#i spun twice and the first time it was the bodyguard plot that i drew a few days ago#the second time was evil bound#i genuinely think it new its a bad day and im not doing well so it took it easy on me with things id done recently#anyway ive never colored kelvin before which i realized today#i only have pencil art of him#also fun fact about their lil earth adventures#they fucking fail horrifically the first time they go and kronos doesnt go back#then they go back to try and get him to forcefully bring him back and theeeeen shit hits the fan#and so vincie is vibing with tolliver since hes basically useless without hands and then oops!#no more hex! and so he starts to get really super scared and tolliver is like uh isnt that a good thing your hands are free now#and vincie is horrified because the only way to break a hex from a distance is if the caster is near dead or dead#and if thats the case chuck is probably dead and that means what if kronos and kelvin are dead#how is he gonna get back to hell alone and is HE going to get punished for it#but then kronos and kelvin show up and take vincie back to hell with the not breathing chuck#but its fine in the end bc the succubi bring him back to ... life ? question mark? anyway hes revived#but vincie does have a part where hes just crying in tollivers apartment bc he thinks hes gonna be punished#for not helping the other demons and then they died#but chuck dying is basically why kronos goes back to hell - he feels responsible (hes at fault so good for him to own up)#vincie is one of the very few demons who doesnt have dark sclera#chuck vincie and kronos all have black sclera while the succubi have gray#i dont think there was ever a reason for it tbh i should make up a reason#time to go lie down and not exist the rest of the night if i can avoid it
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Cutting this whole bit and most of the servant's lines and Bard explaining how to play cricket get the fuck ouuuutttt
#i have been waiting for them all season#they're THE characters on the show they're just as much regulars as the midfords i don't understand#i already had a bad feeling with how they didn't make up a house episode and that one scene they stuck in at the end of the first episode..#...of sebastian serving tea the house felt sooo finny-less and then finny's scenes are cut too and mey rin's and bard's shitty food-#that's the whole reason tanaka had to get the other food from sebastian and it made me cry hearing a new seiyuu#if this were 2008 they would have inserted them more scenes the servants are ciel's family!!#i am already pretty disappointed with how they have changed some little things but this hurt my feelings the most today#again. we only got 11 episodes out of this arc and they felt like they should scrap all of their scenes??? but lord druitt gets to talk????#i shouldn't have to wait until germany to see them if they're canonically right there!! cricket is dry as hell!!#it's some of what i said before where they're animating the humorous parts of this season so off?? and this gets cut altogether??#AND AND since they're animating germany i know everyone gets to show up soon but why act like they don't matter now#i also don't like how bard got animated :(#kuroshitsuji#my kuro posts#phantomfam
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7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos
#normal Saturday morning behavior#redacted spoilers#redacted audio#redacted sam#Seven.txt#rp audio stuff#well. crying over one singular blorbo in particular. Sam's still got me in an emotional chokehold#and i'm too sad to even make a stupid little joke abt how i wouldn't mind if it was a physical one too. ayeee *insert sad eyebrow wiggle*#no but seriously. i have so many feelings abt him and i can't even say it all bc some of it isn't public info yet#eh fuck it i'll just draft this until the audio goes public and then i'll post it once it's no longer Exclusive Info#bc i dont wanna leak Early Access stuff but i have to get this out of my system rn and the new audio is part of what sparked these thoughts#which is funny bc i. literally haven't even listened to it yet. i'm not Ready 😭#where's that tiktok screenshot that's like. 'hyperfixation so bad that i can't even engage with the source material' bc that's me rn#like bro Sam only won the poll like. 2 or 3 days ago and Eric is Already dropping a new Sam audio?? hello? Mr. Redacted i wasn't prepared#anyways i was spoiling myself by perusing the comments last night trying to get a feel for if it's gonna be more angst or comfort#and i saw a comment that absolutely shattered me. and it reignited all my sad thoughts about Sam's eventual. uh. y'know. death.#apparently they plant a tree together or smthn in the new audio (which already has me & my beloved 10y/o orange tree feeling some kinda way#but to the individual in the comments who brought to all our minds the image of Sam sitting beneath that tree in 30 or so years time#when he's decided that he's ready to die and sits out there waiting for the sun to rise..................... 🥲#i'm gonna need u to compensate me for all of that unexpected emotional damage /j /nm#i'm Still not over what he told Darlin' while they had their talk about the future up on his roof together. that audio killed me#then yesterday i was listening to my Sam & Darlin' playlist while cleaning. and Malibu Nights by LANY came on. which i always skip bc Sad#but i let it play and just started crying. standing in the middle of the room all disheveled and holding a broom. as one does.#iirc that song is one that Eric himself said is applicable to Sam which is why/how i found it and put it on the playlist. and god. g o d#hm. i hope that wasn't Patreon exclusive info. i can't remember if it was a public post where he said that or not. hope it's okay to share#but if we can take that song as like. unofficial canon for Sam then that also confirms my idea that he used to drink to cope#which makes the opening lines of Fix What You Didn't Break by Nate Smith even more applicable. i should go edit that post actually#anyways i'm just. feeling a lot. and i love Sam very much and i don't want him to die. but i want him to do what he wants at the same time#Alexis took so fucking much from him. he deserves to live - and end - his life on his own terms. ... i think i need to go write something#*casually fishes this post out of the drafts 3 and a half days later* hi so uh. i wrote a 4k oneshot :) and will hopefully post it tomorrow
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ARCANE EPISODE 7!!!!
MY GOD I WASNT READY FOR ANY OF THIS!!! WHAT WAS THAT!!!
Also ekko wallpaper I got with my fries lmao
#OH MY GOOOD!!!!!! POWDER AND EKKO!!! AND BENZOOOOOO#ITS LITERALLY WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN OMGG!!!!! POWDER LOOKS SO CUTE 😭😭😭😭 IM CRYING ALREADYYYY#VANDER WITH A BUN!! AND EVERYTHING IS SO FULL OF LIGHT!!! HER EYES!!! MYLO LOOKS SO RIDICULOUS AKDJSK THIS GIRLAAA#“where would you be without her” WELL BUDDY IF YOU KNEW HOW HE IS WITH HER!!! VI IS DEAD????? OR SHE WAS TAKEN FOR THE INCIDENT!!!#LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID JAYCE!!! MY GOD!!! THE GEMS KILLED VI SO THEY JUST COMPLETELY PROHIBITED THEM!!! JAYCE IS IN JAIL PROBABLY!!#the fact we are seeing exactly why jayce should be sorry about what he has done.... and we are seeing him suffer because of it... cinema 🚬#also mel fading into viktor.... also has he realised how she manipulated him in the beggining??? there is so much stuff...#jayce eating contaminated animals and his wound being infected with the arcane too..... is that what will push him....#omg.... ekko likes powder so much... he apologised by painting actual adult vi portraits where the fallen are in his universe 😭😭😭#“she looks so badass” if you knew... is he gonna ask her to help him make hextech.... that is so sick and twisted....#also jayce hurting his leg loke viktor and having to use a cane and brace.... damn and you know whats worse..... that ekko could be like#this with the jinx of his universe IF ISHA HADNT DIED!!! AND IT IS BEACUSE OF JAYCE!! AGAIN!!!!! THIS MAN!!!!!#the drawing with the anomaly and the two men and the inifite symbol... we get it... jayce and viktor forever intertwined by fate....#powder is sensing something is off.... omg time travel..... THE LIMIT IS FOUR SECONDS AFTER HEIMERDINGER EPXLODED ALDHAKSHSKSJSOJSOSLS#i dont want a time travel ending.... if its done for plot to an extent is okay but idk about solving it all.... it makes it feel worhtless#claggor looks so fine its not even funny..... i cant wait to see what everyone thinks. WHERE IS THE LITTLE LADY bc hes called little man 😭#and vander with arm tattoos.... why did they hipster fied him.... he looks younger somehow ajdhakj he went from taking care of 4 kids to 3!#SILCO!!!! AND HE DID TRY TO KILL HIM!! ALSJAKSKAK Ekko just laighing at it.... girl i would be pissed STROMAE??? OMG POWDER!!!!#I JUST REALIZED THE PINK IN HER HAIR IS FOR VI!! AND HER JACKET!! AND A DRESS LIKE HER MOTHER'S!! CRYING!!! FULL BODY CHILLS!!!#CAN WE JUST PRETEND LIKE ITS THE FIRST TIME!!! I GAVE UP ON YOU!!! WHAT HAPPENED BACK THEN I NEED TO KNOW!!! IM SOBBING!!! EKKO!!!!#NOOOOOOO THE ANOMALY NOOOOO!!!! HEIMERDINGER NOOOOO!!!! AND THATS JAYCE!!! IS THAT MAGE VIKTOR???? the monkeys......#the vi toy with the out love song machine.... my god i wasnt expecting any of this i need to breathe i am stil tearing up my god#what a fucking punch in the stomach christ i cant breathe right akdhsksso#the credits saying the deries has benefited from a spanish tax rebate in the canary islands??? you're welcome i guess lmao#animation production carried out there and has ben collaboration with the Spanish gov... alright another win for perro sanxe#talking tag#watching arcane#watching arcane season 2#watching this i dont think im ready for caitvi sex.... after reconciliation even like what will be of me.... now im scared#i am still scared bc idk what happened to jinx and vi and cait still... thats what worried me and boom!! ekko powder with the steel chair..
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watched Logan (2017) for the first time after watching every single x-men/wolverine movie this week and lemme tell you-
I am NOT okay. what the FUCK
#a brown woman offering to pay a dangerous man thousands of dollars to get her child to a 'safe haven' is about where i lost my goddamn mind#basically i started crying and i am unable to stop#cant believe they made those movies for like 20 years and then ended it like that#so fucking depressing and for WHAT#god. if i had a therapist they would be hearing about this but instead im going to word vomit here#they really made wolverine a FATHER. they gave him a little girl! and then they fucking KILLED HIM OFF#200. YEARS OF ANGUISH?! THEY COULDNT LET HIM HAVE SOME HAPPINESS!!!!#anyways im going to keep crying about this poor fucker and my own fucking dad issues but can i just say that this movie was also hilarious??#like i would absolutely die for laura she's so weird and perfect and relatable i love her sm#also why did they even bother making more marvel films after this?? 98% of them have been trash they should be embarrassed!!#mkay imma shut up now i think. many more thoughts but im bad at english
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me : "i wonder why my back hurt"
my desk chair literally :
#i really should invest in a normal desk chair at least#after the last one ended up fucked up when i moved i gived up#why would i pay for shit that break so easily...#(so you won't have to cry about your back pain you imbecile -said a distant voice)#am i trying to convince myself to buy a chair in my tumblr tags#yes
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you ever miss your comfort character so bad you gotta go outside about it
#idk i've been pretty stressed that's probably why i randomly got rly sad abt it#and by it i mean the uh. gestures vaguely at fandom i guess#either nobody's there or it feels like i'm not exactly welcome. or both! which tough shit i'mma take up the space regardless but like#this weird sense of elitism I get in a space that's built by and nurtured by people whose MO is 'caring a lot' is.. hm.. interesting#idk just got reminded this morning that some people view critique as a free pass to drag a creator through the mud#when what you SHOULD be doing is uplifting them so that they can improve and reach their maximum potential. you clown. you absolute buffoon#it wasn't targeted at me or anything it just made me so angry/sad. smad. i'm smad about it#i just get hit with a wave of what's the point. what's the fucking point nobody cares abt things made with passion for the love of the game#we don't have time/it's not good enough/it doesn't matter/it's been done better/why x when we have y#and you know what fair enough everyone's entitled to their own emotional responses of course.#if you think your opinion is reason enough to tear it down then we're gonna have to agree to disagree on that one i think#just keep in mind that you could have loved what they made. other people could have loved it. it could have changed something for someone.#i personally know artists and have worked with artists who have put so so much effort into making something work over and over and over#only to have no audience and get back up saying guys let's give this just one more try.#hell back in the day I was an accomplished writer kid who was told that you may be good but nobody gives a fuck#artists who use up all these resources just to bring something new into the world and nobody's looking. what's the point. what's the point#anyway. i'm gonna go wade through the snow for a bit maybe sink my bare hands into it you guys want anything#started the post thinkin abt my blorbos ending it crying putting my shoes on alright I'm going I'm GETTING the FRESH AIR fuck off#i'll be god once i've gotten a bottle of coke and some mozzarella sticks. wait am i pmsing. fuck#god i hate that i don't drink sometimes.
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i found loads of pictures of my uncle i am going 2 cry
#he looked so sweet…..he looks SO much like my dad#i found the last picture of him that my granddad took a month or so before he died it’s so sad#trying to decide if i should tell my mum that i know about him or if i should just keep it to myself#idk if somethings wrong with me maybe it’s because i was already grieving before i found out#but it’s really getting 2 me i can’t concentrate on my uni shit i just keep thinking about it#i think i rlly need to talk about it with someone but i have no idea who or how or what i’d say. but it’s weird because it’s a secret yk#like i’m not even supposed to know he existed#idk. i have a gender clinic appointment next week and i’m going to ask if they can recommend any therapists#me being very very brave and trying therapy again after being forced into it my whole life and ending up a bit traumatised#idk. i feel bad that i’m alive and i’m wasting my life when my uncle got killed when he was just a kid#it makes me feel like i should be more grateful and do more with myself.#and i am going to try but i’d rather he was here instead. same with my granddad#every time i experience something beautiful or good i wish my granddad could experience it because he deserved it more than me#and the best i can do is experience it for him and be grateful. but i would chance places instantly if i could#him and his kid deserve to be here they were so special. i know i don’t know his kid but i’ve heard they were similar#so i know he must have been special too#i found a fb comment today from a family friend i’ve never met and she was saying that she only met my granddad once#but she called him gentle and it made me cry. because he was very scottish and sweary and traditional and masculine#so everyone just assumed he was tough and scary but if you knew him he was really quiet and kind#and i’m glad someone who only met him once could see that#i’m going to be half asleep for the rest of my life i think. i’ve been dreaming since my granddad died and i don’t feel like i ever woke up#nothing has felt real since i was nine years old. everything just stopped and never started again#i’ve just been waiting. i’m waiting for him to change his mind and come back. idk. i don’t know what to do with myself#and i continuously feel fucking insane and stupid for being this way. it’s like fresh grief all the fucking time#but it was fifteen years ago. why does it still feel this way#i can’t even tell people because they won’t understand why i’m still so bothered by it#he was my parent for nine years. i lived with him he was my sole caretaker#i was nonverbal and him and my brother were the only people on the planet who knew what my voice sounded like#he’d think it was silly if i failed my exam because i was crying about him instead#he’d tell me to whisht and stick in. so i will
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HAVE U SEEN THE EPISODE YET it was so good😭😭 I wasn’t expecting hagure to be so sly and I loved it :3 I’m glad we’re getting to see other sides of the characters now
LOL I JUST GOT OFF WORK AND WATCHED ITTTT... despite my initial disappointment over it not being a normal beach episode I AGREE i thought it was a rly good + fun ep 😭
yes i love big schemer hagure + i like how he always ends up the announcer at event stuff LOL
it was also nice to see matakara and arajin having a normal conversation... though i do not trust this show with the fate of big bro 💔💔 "he's coming home next week :3" okey we'll see how that one goes.......
#bucchigiri?!#it was my own fault for expecting anything normal in this anime ✌✌#even if i hadnt seen screenshots as soon as marito was like 'u like group dates yes 😁??' i knew it was going to be battle matches LOOLL#he should have learned from the depunchery thing idk why he expects captain homotron to set him up with girls#arajin is delulumaxxing#mahoros fucked up bento box had me crying#marito will rly just eat anything WHY did he eat it😭😭#NOT EVEN IN HER PRESENCE LIKE ?!?!?#his pjs were so cute doe#he calling jabashiri jaba-chan is cute too#arajins awful acting like 'ow... my leggg... ouchiee...' was so funy to me he's such a lewser#and ofc matakara is like 'its okey 🥺🥺'#the several seconds of silence + freezeframe before he almost kills arajin over the spicy maji kebab 😭😭#WHERE IS IT ARATEEN!!?!?!#+ hagure being like MARITOO NOO NO NO ✋😨🤚!!!#sillyyyyy silly ep#ichiya staring after matakara at the end 😨
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#screaming into the void#im fine just frustrated and sad#i was finishing my huntokar necklace and it literally fell apart in my hands#ive tried talking about new writing projects for another blog and was met with zero interest#ive tried talking about projects in different places and just end up feeling like im half way into a story and no one is listening#it hurts and im tired of trying#i feel like i never grew out of the little kid phase where no one actually cares about my odd interests#i feel like the crying little kid everyone is ignoring because 'theyre just doing it for attention'#i feel like maybe i just don't exist and maybe that's why no one seems to care about the things try to share#i know it's not as bad as it seems im just incredibly discouraged right now#ive created beautiful things and almost no one in my life cares or is safe to talk to and share with#trying to share things online is often met with silence#its getting harder and harder to believe that my dad was wrong about my art and writing not having value#that he was wrong that my passions and the things i love arent worthless or meaningless#it makes me feel like i should just give up on making things#it seems doubtful any of it would be missed anyway#i know its dramatic to say and i know im magnifying a few rough patches right now i know im being emotional and overdramatic#but my chest hurts and it really does feel like nothing ive ever done matters like nothing i will ever create will ever matter#my thoughts and creative writing and art are all meaningless because no one seems to car#im sitting in an empty room full of people trying to be heard and no one knows im there
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🎶dost dost na rha, pyaar pyaar na rha🎶
#well she would be the one singing this tho-#ye bandi i swear she is so stupid i want to break into her house and just slap her 😭#ek thappad marungi na fir sane ho jayegi#first she starts everything herself because yk she believes in fucking revenge and when iss bandi ko apne karmo ka phal milta hai toh#she starts crying her eyes out-#like bhena i get it kuch log were pretty fucking brutal to you but WHY REVENGE#when yk she could have just told the teacher or her fucking parents#but no she took everything in her own hands#decided to pull some anime villain shit by making a plan to take revenge#and now she is depressed because it didnt work fully and she is one who got in trouble in the end?#gurl it wasnt a good plan to begin with and we told you#and now you think we are fucking idk scaring you so that you should “give up”#bruh#like no#we are just trying to tell you that yeh sab mein only you are going to ruin your year with your idea of trying to make your 'bullies'#suffer#😭😭😭😭#like this girl has no fucking brain or what#she is childish but they actually think before taking their actions#toh vo log toh nikal jayenge but bandi ye cope nhi kar payegi#and she would end up just crying to herself because she even pushed her bffs away for this bullshit plan 🤡😭#idk if i should cry or scream or beat the fuck out of her-
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#today I am sad about something that I know objectively is dumb#my 30th birthday is next week and the party will be next Saturday and I’m having a dinner at a nice restaurant in town#I wasn’t supposed to make it to 30 and never thought I would but now somehow I have and so this birthday is like…#a really huge deal to me you know#and I always wanted to be able to have a big party to celebrate this specific occasion and in my head I pictured all my friends/family there#I figured this would be one of the biggest parties I’d ever get to throw because to me this is the biggest milestone I’ve gotten to so far#but out of all the people I’ve invited the most that will probably reasonably show is about 10#and even that’s a bit iffy because tbh I’m pretty sure my bestie will flake on me like he always does#and if he doesn’t show up that might just end the friendship but that’s another matter entirely#also iffy because I haven’t gotten a lot of responses still even though I made the event and sent invites two weeks ago#I just… thought I had more friends than that if that makes sense#like I had bigger parties with more people attending in high school and I barely had any friends then#I’ve thrown low key Halloween parties in my mom’s apartment that had more people show up#now I’m at the most important moment of my life (so far) and I’ll barely have anyone with me#lately it just feels like less and less people care about me for real despite how many I know around work or how many are on my Facebook#it feels like my world keeps shrinking and I really don’t want that because it’s been small enough as it is#I just feel like I’m never really going to find my place or have big groups of friends like everyone else#I’m never going to have a group of friends or people I can rely on to spend time with me when needed#as it is planning things gets harder the older we get anyway just due to needing to tend to adult life#guess I still just want what everyone else has and I don’t know why I can’t have those things#and I know it’s stupid and selfish and whiny but I really want to cry because I’m so depressed that I have barely anyone in my life at all#barely anyone to celebrate something so important to me and so few who even seem to care at all either#I’m grateful for everyone I do have honestly#but that doesn’t offset this weird pain in my chest over this whole situation#maybe I should just curl up and cry until this all passes and I can go back to pretending it doesn’t matter#personal
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