#bc she should be somewhere else
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daily reminder: Ochako had to make herself physically see the damage the villains and war created in order to forget the uneasy feeling she got when Himiko smiled sadly (+ all the things she thought when she saw her). She cant forget what she has done (because she doesnt like the destruction), but that doesnt mean she cant forgive her or that made her feel distance from her.
Izuku can't forgive what Shigaraki has done, and as far as we know, he doesn't need to remind himself of the pain; his empathy doesn't make him feel weird about reaching out to a villain, at least on its own.
Its not a copy paste of the same battle or story.
Himiko and Izuku make Ochako wonder about the concept of heroism and saving, the roles heroes and villains have, and they also have an impact on her behavior, ideals, and feelings for them and herself. Shigaraki's fate and the world around Izuku seems to make him wonder about his role as a savior, because he doesnt feel like he fulfilled it really, when it ended up with someone else dying. He finds in Ochako someone who would agree on ideals about saving others, and thats great on its own.
#grrr talking#togachako#togaocha#ochahimi#himichako#I can see how hori tried to make her part of the triangle with deku-shigaraki (?)#when the three met at the mall#but she isnt connected thru that anymore#bc she should be somewhere else#im on my knees I would cry if Ochako ended up like a normal girl with a normal love and a normal relationship#ābut they are weird!ā bc they are in that interpretation so heroic they would save villains?#yeah no they are weird bc izuku has his fucking crazy moments#and ochako thinks a cannibalistic villain looks all cute#do they match their freak? do you think they match their freak?#im sorry im stressed n when im stressed I tend to talk about why I dont want izu///ocha to happen dakjdadkasjdlka
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kill yourself š
#rant incoming sorry#guy who lives in a very urban area with easy connected fast mail service: We dont need it !#the way ppl talk abt canada post pisses me off so much#ppl dont support any workers gripes bc they have this arbitrary hatred for their service beinf bad or slow#and just say Well fuck canada post they lose a bajillian dollars a year and also the postal workers r evil for striking near the holidays>:(#saying theyd just rather use amazon or whatever the fuck#why would u rather use the shipping company owned by one of the filthiest billionaires on the planet thats known for bad worker conditions#over the shipping thats a canadian government service that will deliver to ur area even if its not profitable#when none of the fuckass private companies wanna bother going somewhere rural. canada post will go there#āwe dont really need itā you sound so fucking stypid and sheltered and ignorant#also āwell i do everything over the phone we should just have everything on the phone. including the most important id documentsā#are you STUPID#āwe shouldnt even use cash anymoreā soundin ass i cant fucking stand u bitches#also i genuinely dont understand why so many canadians hate canada post ive never been anything but happy w their service#im not rural so ofc its fast but like. it is so fast. nothing comes damaged. every single worker ive met is so nice.#why do u guys hate canada post so much. im ride or die for canada post atp bc she doesnt deserve the hatred#id always rather smth get delivered by canada post over anyone else. sometimes fedex boxes are beat the fuck up when they get to me#and they and amazon sometimes deliver super late at night#and sometimes say its delivered before its Actually delivered ig to fit a time guarantee on the record#and i see amazon packages sit in a warehouse for several days before shipping just bc i didnt pay for prime#which is fine bc i dont need it that fast but like. canada post would just ship it to me as soon as its ready. fuck amazon#sorry anyways. pissed off#x
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every now and then i experience brief moments of self-awareness telling me to make major changes to the fusionsprunt story
#queue#maybe it has to do with this need of visualizing it as an actual tv show. it's not necessarily a bad thing#it's so much fun to question what would happen if a specific part was rewritten or twisted into smth else. how would it work and all#for example. i've been thinking. what if Hunter was an actual robot? how does his interaction with Exocannis and B2 change bcs of it? :0#i dont think that part will be rewritten but it's an interesting possibility#one thing i wanted to change is Gideon's lore though!#the way he disregards B2 doesn't sit right w me (and ig it didn't with everyone else who read the lore)#also! there's not much info about his childhood. it was nice until BOO TRAUMAAA.#overall i wanted to introduce him some other way. the way Gideon Rigell would do!#perhaps with a little comic? a loose dialogue in an artwork of sorts#comparing him to who he is currently is like going. wow! good job buddy ur getting better! but also you should probably seek therapy...#as for B2. i have some ideas.#some times i enjoy exploring new designs in which she looks VERY non-human or has some sort of non-human mentality#a true alien!#i wanna redesign her siblings and make all of them have an 'x' somewhere in their names#what if Beatrix had 4 siblings? what if she was the 'youngest'? what if they were all created by the same person#a person who was responsible for their creation but who also treated them like their own children#some kind of enthusiastic visionary with a passion for robotics who genuinely cared for machines. even 'mindless' ones#Also B2's relation to the Holloway Comet#like no. that's the. that's The Mother. that's the mother guys that's UNQUESTIONABLE#im talking about Monument Mythos vibes yknow. about giant n terrifying monuments/objects#i'm also cooking up ideas for comics focused solely on Bee#oneshots of sorts.... i should probably start sketching......#why am i having good ideas when i barely slept last night HSBWYSBWHDBHQHASSHHA#starbstalks
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one thing i like about timemixshipping is the background element of penny initially hating the fact that one of her dearest friends is dating a guy she has consistent beef with.
like i'm sure she'd be happy for giacomo since he's ending up with someone who clearly loves and cares for him, but i know it'd still be like this when she found out that he got together with arven.
#she'd definitely get over it eventually bc she does end up considering arven a friend#but she'd probably still jokingly go ''can ya'll do that somewhere else? š'' sometimes when they're acting coupley#penny embodies that ''i'm not homophobic just a hater'' vibe when it comes to giacomo and arven#also yes i took the time to make that meme pls use it bc it's v funny to me#ngl i'm lowkey delirious bc my head keeps spinning whenever i sit up and idk why so uuuuuuuh#i should probably go to bed š¬#pokemon#pkmn scarvio#rival penny#chara : penny espinosa#timemixshipping#ship : arven & giacomo#mj.txt
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ok but helioc followers being doomed inherently if they have any tragic or untimely death because they're taught that "Helio wouldn't let that happen" and similar principles
Being taught to live for the afterlife but also to expect worldly challenges like murder/tragedy/etc are something you are like. Immune to somehow? In living?
You are devoted to Helio and in so you will have a peaceful death, one that is fair and just and I'm befitting circumstances. Or at least that if you are subject to a tragic death, Helio will be there to hold you with open arms and some kind of REASON. Something to bring a wholeness to the upset of not getting what you've been taught to expect.
This idea that you are helioc and so your death is Helioc. Helio must have a plan for you, and your death will not be untimely, and if it seems so it serves a greater purpose that is theologically rewarding. Because of course it does.
You are helioc and so you don't just die for no reason. Death is a moment of respite and a crossing into everlasting life and it will ALWAYS be for a greater reason if not simply your salvation.
Helioc followers (and followers of sol) learning that sense of disdain for their non or "wrongly" faithful peers due to that sense of superiority. That sense of superiority extending past your feelings about others and into your expectations for how you will pass into the afterlife.
That superiority creating a fellowship that EXPECTS Helio to save them in the living world - because you've been good, it's not your time yet, Helio wouldn't let that happen to you, his faithful servant. You are faithful and he would not punish you with a an unjustified death.
You are ENTITLED to a befitting death into afterlife because you are Good where the world is Bad and you do everything you can to remind those who do not follow your god, to relentlessly try to convert them, to fall into the trap you fell in so long ago shaped by fear, by a victim complex, by isolation from other groups that makes you hostile toward them, even if behind a smile.
A world that is Fundamentally and Observably polytheistic, where the Helioc unfortunate enough to befall a tragic, untimely, or unexplainable death are -doomed- to the faith upon meeting their Deity. Because unlike those of the faith who have passed peacefully or for their own martyrdom or whatever else, you show up to the corny gates and something is Wrong. Your god comes to you with love but he did not protect you in the way you're certain he was supposed to. In the way you were taught you DESERVED.
This is not a reward for your devotion and it cannot be justified. Your god is a Fratboy of Corn who is unable to answer your questions because to answer your questions truthfully would be to unravel the principles fundamental to your religion. To acknowledge that "bad things happen [to good people] because Things Happen" is to admit that being Helioc does not Save You from the wrath of the cosmos. That being Helioc does not make you uniquely and automatically good, and therefore safe from the happenstance of the world. That the good people you watched suffer did not Earn it in some way, they were just dealt that hand. The hard times befallen upon your worldly siblings is not something that happens because they weren't "devout enough."
to admit Helio is not inherently more holy than any other deity, is the kind of truth that can destroy this type of faith, and Helio needs to stay alive. Gods are not of the material, but they're dependent on their followers to survive. To bend to what their followers preach and create as their religion in this SPECIFIC way means that you can no longer be truthful about these matters when (if) they ask. In the right hands it could destroy him. He needs the unwavering faith the church has built to stay as strong as he has been, because that it how he's maintained the power he's had until now. He no longer knows another way. And that's excluding whatever influence Sol/the church of Sol has on him and his domain.
Helio not only cannot answer truthfully, but is DESTINED to get himself out of dodge quick upon being asked. Because as above so below, and the church is not known for its ability or willingness to take responsibility.
And if youre disillusioned enough, or angry enough, or sharp enough to put that together from an interaction in any way similar to Kristen's in freshman year, then the betrayal of your own God is GOING to take over.
Maybe you're like Kristen and you start asking questions, maybe you're like Buddy and take the rageful hand that offers to ressurect you the way your own God "should have".
But to die in the way they died automatically puts them in a position that if they are to get to heaven and ask questions, or have conflicting feelings strong enough to get you thinking, then they're DOOMED either to be disappointed with Helio or to dig deeper into deluding themselves. This of course will not always trigger a loss of faith, ans plenty of people leave the church in living for a myriad of reasons - we saw this with the summer of endless night. But there's something so interesting in the way the nature of your death could be further reinforcement of your ideals or completely shatter them in one fell swoop, even upon reaching the place of blessed afterlife.
because the Church of Helio seems different from the other religions we've seen in game in that over time the modern faith has been been BUILT on expectation and a sense of deserving more than others. And to die in a manner directly opposed to your own sense of entitlement is all that the latent anger may need to break that follower-deity relationship
Of course Kristen met Helio and was immediately unsure about her direction in life. On the other side of that coin, of course Buddy let his faith go to come back to life to serve a corrupt god of rage. They're children killed young and devout, who's deaths are orchestrated by powers out of their hands, and not in line with the ideals taught by your god.
The difference being how entrenched you are when that happens, and who's there to pull you out.
#long post#fhjy spoilers#Arthur the absolute madman that he is#grabbed Kristen by the hand and got her back out to the world#and into the embrace of her new and accepting non helioic friends#to help see her through a loss of faith that has to be reborn somewhere different.#In buddy's time of need he is met by an 'unnamed' God of rage#buddy's way back is through a corrupted force justifying his feelings of anger betrayal or whatever else#and should he return to his party#it is to a group of equally corrupted teenagers#who have been manipulated magically in this way that they CANNOT be there for him to have a crisis of faith#he comes back his hand in that some someone bent on conquest and a new purpose#whereas Kristen woke up with an openness that facilitated growth#I'm. idk i feel for buddy dawn.#bc it's incredibly difficult for Kristen to have done what she's done and leave the cult that raised her#and he didn't get that opportunity.#and I don't know that he will#SORRY goodness
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#rant time here where i can get shit out in a hidden tucked away place#but qhy the fuck are families so difficult#like#i thought i had such a normal family growing up until i was about 14#and every year it gets worse#parents are so mentally unwell that it literally causes damage to us kids#older brother is checked out to focus on his own family and kids#but then still butts in when he thinks he needs to play the man of the family#only to make matters worse#younger sister is having to put up with it all bc she's still in my hometown#everyone is racist to her boyfriend even tho they've been together for 6-7 years and he's literally made her such a better person#it's fucked#and then they all come running to me to vent and/or solve things bc I live somewhere else#idk man#it's just cooked#and like#i had a breakdown to kris tbe other day when this latest shit with my family and sister's bf popped up#bc why the fuck should i bring a kid into this shitshow of a family#why not just end the bullshit here#anyway#that's my vent for this friday evening#all this just in time for me to go home for a few days and confront my dad and brother for IMPLYING MY SISTER'S BF IS VERBALLY ABUSIVE#EVEN THO THEY NEVER SEE HIM BC HE FEELS SO UNCOMFORTABLE AROUND THEM#uugghhhghhhhhhhhgh
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imliterally so urghhughruhgur rightno2w
#ā³ the fool speaks#i need to charge my computer and like always my friends sit somewhere where only 2 specific spots can reach the outlet#both of those are taken because i'm fucking slow and now i have to sit somewhere else#and they were all ''awww no dont leave us'' then move bitch give me your spot so i can actually use my computer#im offended bc How Dare and annoyed bc i don't wanna fucking eat but my body just haaas to make me hungry when i don't eat#and they should have OFFERED TO MOVE !!!!!!! i didn't wanna ASK because that's fucking gross they should just fucking . think . oh no aqua#can't plug in xer laptop so she can't sit w us but there's spots where he could do both#maybe i should just move a little so they can plug in xer laptop !!!!!!!#im angry rn . fuck
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my mom needs to find a new apartment soon and i am just scrolling through san francisco area housing listings for her like "hm. this landlord to should kill themself. hm. this landlord to should kill themself. hm. this landlord should-"
#i should sleep but im getting quite angry and frustrated#unfortunately my mom's job is not rhe type she can just uproot and move somewhere else#but rent here is absolutely absurd. and then the fucking landlords will spit in your face and go:#''you pay all utilities and there's no laundry. go fuck yourself.''#i love her but i really do not want to live with her but i am considering it bc idk how tf she's gonna afford anything otherwise
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I was sick for a day and my manager had to run some of my scripts and whatever she's changed she has NOT put back so now IT DOESNT FUCKING WORK AND SHES ON HOLIDAY FOR THE AFTERNOON
FUCK
#delete later#WHAT DID YOU DO#also she was gonna have a meeting to discuss ways to improve tge script so others can run the script#but she moved it to next tuesday AND LEFT THE SCRIPT BROKEN#also i could run it fuckinh fine on Thursday so idk what was broken for her but not me? but niw the script is fucked#akso the other script had a random extra { that broke the entire thing#im so fucking frustrated at her. SO frustrated.#she changed a part of the svript so it only works for one option. i have no idea why but it broke for the other two options ahe should#have also done yesterday#HEY MANAGER WHAT DID YOU DO#ow my fist i just smacked a fucking wall out of pure frustration. i dont UNDERSTAND WHY SHE CHANGED THIS#im just so annoyed. and so annoyed that thus was presented as an i fucked up when shes left the script in a non functional way#like i probably did fuck up somewhere but fucking she has left it in a completely broken state ive spent 40 minutes having to fix#EUUUUURRGGGHHH#this is what happened last time i was off and she had to run some of my things. there was a miscommunication between her#and someone else so she reworked something to fit that miscommunication and made it worse#so i came back to an extra hour of discussions to unfuck it. and like im not being ungrateful i appreciate her helping me so much#but sometimes she just breaks it and its so frustrating bc i know full well that meeying next week is gonna be about making#code friendly for others when i sign posted where things were AND SHE BROKE IT BY ADDING SOMETHING UN NOTED IN#GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AGAIN I PROBABLY ALSO FUCKED UP BUT FUCK ME IM ANNOYED#coyld run it fine Wednesday i mean. but like legit thr references are all off and shits like proper fucked on stuff that ive had saved since#Monday. like maybe i forgot to save Wednesday bc migraine but what the fuck some of this has been changed around for no apparent#reason. im sure she has a reason but there is no possible way some of these changes worked for her. so what the fuck
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god grant me the strength to get through divorce party dinner at a bougie taqueria with my friend and most of her polycule, amen
#listen. listen. I know this sounds bad but the problem is#I dislike ONE of her partners#but he's connected to so many of them#he'll probably bring two of his other partners and it ripples out from there.#and like. these people are fine. but (unsurprisingly since I dislike this man) they are not too my taste#I would never hang out with any of them except for the fact of my friend being involved with them#but by virtue of their being so many of them it also becomes a weird situation of like. me feeling weird bc I'm not in the group#like when you know a friend from one thing but they know all their friends from somewhere else and you go to a party and only know them#except also a bunch of the people who already know each other are fucking#anyway I'm hoping that there's some non-polycule ppl there#ideally folks that I've already met and can talk to#bc I'm too tired for this otherwise#should have said I was busy tonight and just gone to other thing she's organizing on sunday#but we're celebrating her divorce! I want to be there!
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my friend is lowkey pissing me off
#i want to go over to her apartment to smoke and hang out tomorrow. she would have to drive me#bc i Donāt have practice driving while high. in fact i havenāt even driven my car at all in seven weeks#she says that driving to my house > to her apartment > back to my house > back to her apartment is too much#so she says she could pick me up and we smoke somewhere else#and iām like uhm but i thought we were gonna hang out too. not just smoke and leave like.#and idk how i feel about smoking somewhere public-ish like i canāt get in trouble girl pls#anyway. she just texted back saying hmm true i can come get you then#but like. okay girl follow up question bc i know you. are you gonna get sleepy after an hour and a half#and kick me out*#(* and drive me home but like. still kicking me out yknow)#so likeā¦ should we plan to hang out in the afternoon and Not the evening so this doesnāt happen.
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Don't you wanna live far away from your family and their expectations sometimes and just start a new life?
#i feel so suffocated by my mother#she always gets herself involved in my business and crosses boundaries bc she just can't help herself#and she gets to do it bc i'm home most of the time even tho i have my own apartment but that's also not far away enough#and she still doesn't understand no and how to let me live my own life and she doesn't have to do everything for me#and everyone else i also want to please but i'm also sick of it and even tho they all mean well and they all just want things to go well#i feel so pressured by it and i just wanna get away from them all#but no wonder they all feel so invested in my life bc we're close and i spend a lot of time with my mum and grandparents and 'step dad'#and that's nice and i'm glad we're close and i wanna be but at the same time it means they sometimes just care too much#i guess i shouldn't complain about that like it's a bad thing but it just feels suffocating sometimes#and i don't want to live my life so that they're not disappointed in me and worry about me and so they're satisfied#i've been having the wish to move to another city or country for a while now and i honestly think it would be good for me#and especially me and my mama so that she cannot always get involved and has to accept that she can't control all things#and always try to 'help me'. i'm almost 25 like i need to learn how to live without my mother always being there#and god the urge to move somewhere else is so strong right now#i wish it was that easy to just be able to do it but i'm also anxious and scared and nothing is certain in my life rn#i just want a change though#sorry tumblr i had to let it out somewhere and i don't have therapy right now where i can actually talk about stuff#which maybe i should think about doing again#rambles
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Also I may be cranky but I find it insanely frustrating that day 2 of getting billy, I told my parents how to take care of her and then they totally ignored me once I was out of the house.
And Then today I started feeding dust in the hall outside of her room to start the Jackson galaxy introduction method, and my mom came out of her room 10 minutes later to be like "I don't think it's a good idea to put his food there, you should have them eat separate" (NOT how the JG method, which I explained to her, works) because her room is within eyesight of Billy's door, so now when the dogs try to steal dusts food, she can actually See them doing that and feels obligated to stop them.
Even though no matter where I put his bowl, if either dog can reach it, they will steal from it. and they Do that every day. And I'm the only one who gets onto them. Like it's an ongoing issue but it doesn't bother her that her dogs steal food, it bothers her that She has to intervene to stop it now.
#i told her i cant really feasibly move billy to any other room in the house (i could keep her in mine except my mom wont accept that#bc if i keep my door closed at night then dust will scream and that annoys her)#and she was like 'im not saying you should move billy im just saying you should feed dust somewhere else'#like literally 20 minutes before this i walked her through the JG steps to introducing cats#and then her very next request was ''can you do the complete opposite of this plan now''#its so fucking annoying like she will take 0 responsibility for her animals bad behavior and try to be like#'its all my husbands fault cuz he spoils them'' and she is totally full of shit cuz she will actively enable bad animal behavior#and especially with cats like she has never owned a cat before in her life before getting dust for me#she has No Idea how to socialize a cat (part of why dust doesnt like her very much) but for some reason she won't defer to Anybody elses#opinion on how to do it. she is like Surely these creatures that i have never understood or gotten along with will respond well#to trial by fire and blatant disrespect for their boundaries :)#whats the most annoying is i didnt even ask her to do Anything aside from feed billy when im out of the house#she doesnt have to clean the litter boxes or give her medicine or even help hold her down while i do those things#and all she fucking had to do to stop the dogs from stealing was close her own bedroom door#but noooooo she would much rather insert herself into this situation that she has no idea how to navigate#because she knows SHE doesnt have to deal with the consequences of a poorly socialized cat#i told her i was going to cut off visual contact between billy and dust and she was like 'that seems like too much'#GIRL I GOT PEED ON 3 TIMES LAST NIGHT. DID YOU???#like who the fuck does she think she is? first ignore my instructions outright and then refuse to accommodate my new plan after her idea#clearly failed
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#i gotta vent Somewhere abt this sorry im not dogging on my friend i am concerned for her#but at the ssme time.#shes doing so mucb reckless and irresponsible dhit that i was dping at 19#n its like . ur 23. i know ppl handle breakups differently#but this isnt fucming it. putting yourself in danger is .#yea im mad abt it. im mad at how shes acting bc why the fuck are doing this shit.#its not cute its not teehee funny !!!!!! im fucking annoyed and i shouldnt be#or like i should detach but its .#w everything else ive realised abt hwr + my sister actually backing me up on smth#i just . i cant stand this shit dawg. ur 23 for fucksake. u turn 24 in a month. ur brain is devloped nezt yea#stop acting like a teenager and get some sense of sensibility or somwthing#i am in no place to talk but also . i Am bc yea this is funny stories for the future.#but im watching u . act like a fucking idiot and joke abt gwtting murdered by men lile#this isnt funny and i sont wanna watch it anymore.#i have her muted n im commuticating w a mutual friend abt her bc i just cant fuckijg stamd this shit.#grow up. seriously. i love you but grow yhe FUCK up.
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Iām almost done complaining abt supervisors I swear
#Iām just >:((((#itās all so incredibly frustrating and I shouldāve had this done earlier I had all of December but I didnāt#I gotta write a dumb little statement abt why I wanna do their projects/work with them#and itās dumb!! itās not that hard!!!#Iām just driving myself insane with the social implications bc people are very competitive abt it and yknow what I kinda am too#bc I only actually wanna do one of my 3 and if I canāt do that Iām gonna be okay with but kinda disappointed by my second choice#and my third choice is more interesting than the second in theory but in practice itās conservation focused which I donāt want#and involves spending a month in the woods in Scotland#which I admit sounds pretty fucking cool! but would suck in practice Iām not made for that#and Iāve also put off asking whether weād be Campingā¢ (I couldnāt deal with it) or staying somewhere (would be manageable)#I am fairly sure itās of the camping variety and even if itās not weād be travelling through the highlands constantly#itās just a really long time doing stuff which is kinda cool but isnāt what I wanted and with someone I dont particularly think Iād get on w#with. I should email her but the project isnāt what I want to do however cool it would be to go back to the highlands and be there a while#Iām pretty sure Iād be kinda miserable. Iām really really hoping she doesnāt pick me bc there were only 3 people interested anyway#which would be great if I wanted to do it but as it stands itās terrifying pls god let someone else have picked her#Iāve never been so glad I was awkward as hell in an important meeting#but the problem is that if I donāt pick that one and DO get my third choice I would be miserable for an entire year instead#bc my backup option is fucking satellite imagery and machine learning for more conservation this time in the ocean#and I donāt wanna do coding and GIS!!! I did that over summer and it sucked!!!! I hated it and I never wanted to do it again!!!!#so I think ultimately the scotland one is the lesser of two evils even though itās very much an evil#the options I had reeeaaally sucked this time#god genuinely after the island thing last summer I really canāt do long fieldwork I want to be able to shower and go home#maybe I could one day but Iām not that guy yet#I really have to write these things I just wanna cry bc they suck so incredibly bad and I gotta make out like Iām super interested#and not so tired and frustrated by the whole thing#I hate this department and this uni and this city and I really canāt wait to be somewhere else#yknow what itās 10:30 and I gotta be up early again I might just leave it tonight#today has been so long already and I donāt think Iāll gain anything by torturing myself abt it anymore#>:/#luke.txt
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my roommate has a date over i think and im š§āāļø
#he did Not tell me anyone was coming over and i heard them introduce themselves and say nice to meet you#and im very. im so bad w strangers in the house it makes me so uncomfortable and this is. not a secret#i need to pee but i can not make myself leave my room bc there is a Stranger here i cant#if i do i Have to put a bra on first bc otherwise i will spiral but also putting a bra on is gonna make me spiral rn#and i especially dont want to be percieved because it can not go well for me because either theres a weird hostile dynamic bc im perceived#to be a girl Or i have to out myself to someone i dont know and who could have Any reaction to it#so i feel like i simply can not exist right now i feel like i need to stay hidden#like im cool w him dating people idc ab that they can come over just like. i would like to know ahead of time#esp bc like. is she here before they go somewhere else? is she gonna be here all night? like what is happening what should i expect
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