#WHY DOES MY BRAIN HATE ME LIKE THAT
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was reading a text for a class and started to cry bc I remembered Missyās face and soft voice when she said āMe tooā in The Doctor falls
#šš#posting this made me start to cry again#im in my missing Missy hours#should I study or should I watch s10 again ?#haha joke#or notā¦#COME BACK TO ME MY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN#doctor who#dr who#dw#the doctor falls#missy!master#missy dw#missy doctor who#gomez master#the master#THE WORST PART IS THAT THE TEXT WAS ABOUT ARISTOTLE#NOTHING TO DO WITH MISSY#AT ALL#WHY DOES MY BRAIN HATE ME LIKE THAT
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[spoilers for arcane season two]
reference to transformers: one
I just thought that this scene suits them very well š
if I had a nickel each time my favorite pair ended up breaking up because one of them had chosen violence and prioritized revenge over their partner I would have 2 nickels which is not much but it's weird that it happened twice
#transformers#arcane#shitpost#transformers one#tf one#tf one megop#megop#megatron x optimus prime#the urge to draw jayce biting the curb is killing me#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2#caitvi#caitlyn kiramman#vi#does anyone else see the vision#caitlyn arcane#vi x caitlyn#i'm mentally unwell#after season 2 act 2#did gods thought that I'm too easily getting over megop and decided to smack me with caitvi angst#well in ep 6 they seem to be back but uhh#I hate this autumn#LIKE HELLOO VI LITERALLY QUESTIONING HER WHY DOES CAIT ACT LIKE JINX IF SHE'S THE ONE SHARING A BLOOD WITH HER???#ISN'T IT'S THE SAME SCENE BUT IN DIFFERENT SETTING??#my brain isn't braining#league of legends#league of legends arcane#fanart#artists on tumblr
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i enjoy this scene in average amounts
#URRRRGHHH I HATE THEM. I HATE THIS#I NEED TO TEAR UP A BRAND NEW SOFA WITH MY TEETH DAWG#me when the uncle & niece enemies-slash-besties local problem havers are having problems [inhuman grin]#their dynamic is so good. every interaction is so rich#i just . i can feel all of the love and care that went into this show esp with scenes like this#why tf does the lore have to go so hard. how come theyāre all written so spectacularly#idk. idk man . they are my emotional support fucked up found family and frankly? i need a lifeline rn#can i get uhhhh massive dr two brains and wordgirl 2 hour clip comp IV drip. now please#wordgirl#dr two brains#no id
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Continuing the JJK posting: Gojo is such a mystifying character.
Action show where swinging out the gate you introduce a character who is so incredibly powerful you then have to, before every fight, establish why Gojo can't just show up and fix the problem in seconds. His existence weakens the stakes of everything. The rest of the show you are backflipping ridding yourself of him. He jobs two major bad guys off the gate and every subsequent extensive fight with them feels like cleaning up his leftovers. Put him in a box, he's ruining the game balance. So absolutely broken. As a writer it makes your job so difficult, but it's also the entire point of him. "Hey I want to write the single most badass character of all time who can do the most insane shit but I will also engage with that", rock on king.
I think he's most interesting when understood as somebody who is fundamentally alien and removed from ordinary human thought processes. In his world there is absolutely nothing he cannot do, and the thought 'maybe I can't do something' just doesn't occur to him. He is capable of doing whatever he wants and of killing anybody who tries to stop him from doing what he wants. If he is not doing something, it is because he does not want to do it. If he wants to do something (kill all of his superiors) and he's not doing it, it's because he doesn't think it's the most effective route towards what he has decided to do. I think this informs the majority of his actions (and, importantly, what he doesn't do)(murder). I think he's reasoned out that you should have a general reason to do things, and it feels like sheer luck that he places value and meaning in human life, and as such you shouldn't kill them without a strong reason. Watching the flashback arc, if I hadn't seen a) JJK and b) Naruto and you asked me which shitty teen became a law abiding school teacher and which became a mass murderer I would have guessed the wrong ones.
Anyway, the way I like to think of him, he's a raging narcissist with a god complex to match. Horrifically, he's actually a good teacher, but he is also a teacher as an ego/'raising my child army' thing. He would be the kind of mother who is a good mother but lowkey had kids also as an ego/unconditional love/lots of attention/'surely my child will worship me' thing. Gets randomly into new hobbies, obsesses over them, gorges himself on the novelty factor, before dropping them in a week once he gets too good at them. Rinse and repeat. The only hobby that does not eventually grow boring is annoying people, so it's his only hobby. Geto told him age 15 that he'll never have any friends if he keeps on casually reminding people that they live on his sufferance, so he developed another back-up hobby more conducive for friendship of helping people forget that they live on his sufferance. This has convinced him that he's a god of subterfuge, intrigue, and trickery. Does eat women out, but is convinced that this makes him God's gift to women, and is actually pretty terrible in bed because his partner's desires never even occur to him. Is convinced he's as good at sex as he is everything else. Sex is actually the one thing he's bad at, but he's not ready to hear that.
In S1 he overall left me with the general impression that his entire idea of how high school worked was sourced from anime, and as such decided that being a teacher involved nothing but field trips, sports games, beach episodes, sports festivals, etc. Did not know how the classroom component worked so he skips it. Jossed, but also left me convinced that it would be very funny if he was an immortal 150-whatever years old and had founded the high school himself out of, you guessed it, an ego thing, and never once properly learned how high schools worked and just arbitrarily made his own aging students the new principals so he could continue engaging in training the kids who are too Misfit (TM) to get apprenticeships and living his fun slice of life anime life and raising a child army of kids who will worship him any day now. Annnyyyy day now. Any day now.
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#gojo satoru#jjk gojo#jujutsu gojo#my posts#this makes it sound as if i hate him and think he's a terrible person#to be clear i think he's great and i just find characters most interesting when theyre terrible#watching the show i was just generally waiting for it to follow up on his established teenage homicidality#explain why and when he stopped being two thin hairs from murdering everyone he disliked#but they didn't so i have to suppose he's just chilled out a little#fic authors arent going far enough with him. i dont think his brain should resemble a human persons.#the 'i am above humanity' thing shouldn't be an angst thing it should be a factor of his psychology#thank you dora for stealth co-writing this post love you#might write the immortal thing might not. writing such a weird POV does sound fun to me though; id like to do it#itll either be very easy or very very hard#it feels like genuine straight-up luck that gojo's an active good guy. liike what.
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i once read a fic with an EXTREMELY twinky ooc Erik Lehnsherr
Wow, you never wouldāve guessed this is Magneto, Master of Magnetism.
#i was goong to pick out one of his more āintimidatingā pictures but this one called out to me#btw i read said fic like months ago i do not remember the name of it#so donāt ask me ā#my brain likes to remind me who exactly iām reading about#āYASSS BITCHā WHO ARE YOU????#Erik Lehnsherr IS a happy bunny???? š¤Øš¤Ø#no hate to the author iām sure you were doing your best ā¤ļøā¤ļøšš#what is it with people needing to feminize/twinkify one half of a male relationship š¤Øš¤Øš¤Ø#why are we bringing heteronormativity into my gay ships š§#i did not ask for this š#cherik#erik lehnsherr#magneto#x men#wish does not shut up
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The Franco Barbi fandom has existed for five minutes, how are people already spewing their "I'm morally better than you because I'm not attracted to the niche fictional character" bullshit??
#guys I JUST got here#also this is outlast?? why are you here if you're not even the least bit fascinated by the characters???#i genuinely think some of you shouldn't consume horror content like you aren't ready for it yet clearly your brain can't handle it#this is the same series with Eddie āthe castratorā Gluskin and Sargent KKK let's settle down a bit yeah??#and no hate if you like those guys#they're chill#but i like the boss baby and i feel like there's a lot of unnecessary judgement here#āis somebody gonna match my freakā until someone DOES#I've been shamed for feeling the way i feel about certain characters for too long for any of you to have any effect on me; Franco isn't REAL#HE ISN'T GOING TO HURT ANYONE HE'S A BUNCH OF PIXELS AND WRITING#im so tired#franco barbi#outlast trials
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you say they canāt put telepaths in marvel rivals, yet we have some very credible leaks that jean grey and emma frost are gonna be in the game soon.
that being said, jean has telekinesis (and the phoenix force) and emma has her diamond form. telepathy is all charles has, lmfao. odds are pretty low for him, but maybe not zero if they give him telekinesis!
if yall have me say he got psionic blasts one more time i am going to scream HE HAS MORE THAN TELEPATHY . LIMITED BUT HE HAS IT <- he has gone against sentinels and disabled armies with it before HE CAN FIGHT I PROMISEEE
and technically they did give him telekinesis in krakoa (and very weak telekinesis sometimes before krakoa) so .... not my fave move but he does have that ...... and ig they give him a gun sometimes ........ last resort type shit but he has options ..
#snap chats#area man gets too passionate about charles xavier more at 12#also did i not say emma had her diamond form or did i delete that tag#omg no i deleted the tag fuck my life. please believe me i did say emma had her diamond form i didnt think anyoned care tho#but with charles. as i said before. he has more than telepathy ...#limited but .. it exists options exist ... he can also Arguably control machinery#i say Arguably cause im still figuring out how he controls machines he says he does with his mind#then he can Also read like ??? SOME kinda waves in sentinels ??? that was a thing im p sure#BUT YEAH NO LISTEN this is what im saying when i say he could be a support character and not a duelist#as if anyone was contemplating duelist charles ........#lol i love how i call 'vanguards' tanks and 'strategists' supports but i stick with duelist for damage. sorry duelist better#anyway let charles be support it'll never happen because this game hates me but i can dream#listen im just saying maybe charles can have a move that disables machinery or something#like punisher or iron man... maybe like a temporary lock on weapons... just one target#lmao wait im just thinking of sombras ult from ow arent i. yeah fuck it why not he can have a disable-all-skills ult idc vejRLKAERJE#sounds bout right for how sneaky he is sometimes .....#his left and right clicks could lit just be psionic blasts of varying strength and speed#doesnt even have to do physical damage ... mental damange .... what the difference right the brain sayin There Is Pain anyway..#maybe charles could have a sonar ability that lets him (maybe nearby allies too) see through walls for like. three seconds... 50M range....#like yk what i mean he can sense where people are thats my idea...#LIKE LET ME COOK MARVEL LET MEEE IN <- dont ill make him busted or horrible there is no in between
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But like
Why chronic illness?
Why chronic fatigue?
Why body suck?
#sincerely me#why does my body hate me#why does my brain work like this#why#chronic illness#chronic fatigue#Iām always sick š#whyyyy#depression as well lol#chronic depression#pcos#insulin resistance#pre diabetic#spoonie#spoon theory#spoons#undiagnosed chronic illness#I got something more I know it#Iām thinking pots#maybe?#pots#pots syndrome
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sorry but alicent hightower isnāt āruinedā this season. you people just never understood her in the first place and think of her as something sheās not lmao.
of course sheās a hypocrite, she has been the whole time. her holier than thou persona is a facade. she wants freedom of choice and, with that, sexual liberation. she gets that now with criston at the price of her own shame and guilt tied to her faith, which is real (cristonās faith, at least in the seven, is NOT, but yknow. for another time). her going for what rhaenyra got and what rhaenyra had the freedom to partake in is not character assassination lmao. Itās whatās been set up this whole time. sheās not this saint that she and her stans claim her to be. sheās variably flawed CLEARLY (which is what makes her a good character) but isnāt going to stray away from the exact thing she claims to hate.
āduty and sacrificeā and āhonor and decency will prevailā are shown to the viewer to be hypocritical statements. fucking obviously. why did anyone take that at face value LMAO. All those things are what alicent herself has been forced to align with since she was a child made to marry viserys. she wants rhaenyra to ALSO fit that mould and to feel that misery that sheās felt, just as she wishes she had the freedom rhaenyra has. that doesnāt mean she believes in these ideas. she clearly goes against them; thatās her character. she believes that she believes them, but her desire to leave the mould outweighs that time and time again.
to say that sheās an outlandishly different character in s2 after seeing one singular episode is insane. sheās the same. she and criston is not a left field decision, nor is it a particularly bad one, even if it did feel abrupt (which is more a pacing issue). alicent and cristonās joint hypocrisy has been pointed out the entire time. to further highlight it is not bad writing or character ruination. you just didnāt understand them in the first place. Alicent isnāt a blushing nun. sheās a woman whose old decrepit husband is finally dead and now has the freedom she didnāt get at 17.
#idk. tik tok fans piss me off#when Iām in a media illiteracy competition and my opponent is an hotd fan šµ#if some of this doesnāt make sense itās not my fault I wrote what was in my brain and didnāt edit it#lots of thoughts on criston cole too. if anyone wants those. LOOOOTS. love to hate that stupid evil fuck#rip criston cole u would have loved commenting āmidā on a models ig pic#anyway. Alicent#she just wants freedom. how does no one get that.#what do u think she is like seriously. someone pls tell me. whatās this idea these ppl have of her that make her so ruined this season#ppl saying they felt disgusted just looking at her this season. why. like what am I not getting#genuinely curious. what am I not seeing bc I feel like I understand these characters pretty well#Iām not team green either. and Iām hardly an alicent fan (lying) but I have a deep fascination with her#whatever. donāt piss me off in the comments Iāll just delete the post Iām not interested#Alicent Hightower#alicent hightower meta#house of the dragon#hotd#hotd meta#house of the dragon meta#criston cole#criston cole meta#fire and blood
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Maybe Iāll finally Wanze post soon
#as in a more official lore post like holt awol and sonderbar got#ALSO IM SO SO SORRY I STILL AM GONNA ANSWER THOSE INBOX ASKS J SWEAR#Wanze is on the mind there is bugs in my brain!!! wow just like holt huh#their relationship is wild to me they go from barely knowing each other (occasional hallway acquaintances)#to Wanze essentially having the equivalent of a bag of bricks dropped onto her head#which needs a little or a lot of patching up and Holt does that for her#actually hmmm I wonder if I should more visibly leave some marks of The Oopsie on her face#apart from the permanently broken biores crystals#gotta think on thatā¦#anyway I was especially Thinkin about how Wanze really does resent Holt for a while#itās complicated itās not completely Holtās fault#like she canāt control what happened she canāt bring back her bioresonance sheās a medical eule not a miracle worker#sheāll never really understand what it felt like to be part of that mind link#and that leads to some insensitivity on Holtās part bc sheās really trying to keep Wanze from decommission here#and Wanze! why are you moping you gotta act normal!! Come on Wanze!#neither of them really get each other bc theyāre both not stopping and listening like they need to#but they eventually do#also fun Wanze fact but post head trauma fixup she still has to/wants to go to the kolibri library#for stabilization yknow (sheās a nerdddd <3)#however itās weird and she hates it bc her fellow kolibris are there.#she does not sing the same song anymore and sticks out like a sore thumb when theyāre together now :(#she goes at really weird hours when no one else is there to make sure she doesnāt have to see them#Holt sometimes is able to get ahold of books for her#consider them cuddling together reading#that is all#blorbo tag#wanze#holt#Kolibug
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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youtube
Ngl Iām tempted to animate something from that one canon au where Kusuo dies with this cover
#I will never not take an opportunity to post about Will Stetson#I typically donāt care for English covers or dubs or anything but holy shit man heās an exception for me#Iām a little ashamed to admit he has some covers that I actually prefer to the original#Like ānothings working outā#Which is also a very Saiki brothers coded song tbh#Specifically Kuusuke coded#WHY DID TUMBLR TAG THIS YOUTUBE DONT DO THAT WITHOUT MY PERMISSION ??#Oh actually speaking of English covers (I really like the art of song translation sorry) thereās actually one thatās not by Will Stetson#that I really like#The rolling girl cover by lollia#she makes it like? Rock? Itās so cool#and back to Will Stetson he does a cover of hated by life itself that has rap and when I first saw that I was like hmmmm how is that gonna#work out yk#BUT ITS SO SO GOOD? AND IT KIND OF ENHANCES THE EXPERIENCE ACTUALLY#That song (the original moreso) is also imo saiki coded#Hey can u guys tell my brain is rotted#i love translation one of my fav external/non story parts ab the saiki manga besides Asous ramblings is the translators notes#Like them explaining how the joke works and the context behind it and why a joke might be hard to translate#its so interesting to me
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Sometimes i remember a comics moment i randomly came across somewhere, where Sam Wilson mentiones a musical and Steve Rodgers says he doesn't like musicals, to whitch Sam goes "Guess that means you really are straight" and even tho i don't care about Cap America or the Avengers, the moment stuck in me for that quote by Sam. And like....Sci, any ideas if straight men actually don't like musicals or is that bullshit?
actually i think i know more gay men who hate musicals than i know straight men who hate musicals. i've had a drag queen stop me point blank when i was about to sing a barbra streisand song, and i know so many gays who pointedly hate abba. so based on my experience i think the inverse is true. most of the straight men i know are kind of impartial about musicals, but gay men? hate.
my theory is that a lot of gay men don't want to fall into stereotypes, maybe. but thaaaaat's just a theory! a gay theory.
#sci speaks#i'm trying to understand the gays. they are a mystery to me.#i've seen a lot more toxic masculinity coming from gay men than i have from straight men.#i think it makes sense. they have less women in their lives. so they reckon with a lot more masculinity. more dick measuring.#also gay men have some of THE most unhealthy romantic relationships i've ever seen in my life.#this isn't a blanket statement on everyone but just from what i've seen. it's such a strange pattern i've observed.#lesbians? healthy. straights? usually healthy. gay men? universally a tire fire that makes me say āif you hate each other so much ??ā#āwhy are you together??????????ā#i have never met a cis gay mlm couple in real life that was healthy. every single one of them made my eyes widen in horror.#i want them to be healthy. please treat each other better.#the number of bitchy bitchy fights i've seen between mlm couples in public that make me so terrified#but i know mlm relationships in general are usually less... affectionate than wlw relationships. even and especially friendships.#just an observation.#i hate to say that there is a definite difference between amab vs afab experiences when it comes to relationship dynamics but.#of course there is. there is. as much as i want to say gender and sex do not matter. it really does.#it makes a difference. it does.#which is kind of why i'm glad i was born in the body i was. when people say ātrans means you feel you were born in the wrong bodyā#im like.. i don't think that's true. i don't think that's true for me.#i wouldn't be me if i wasn't born the way i was. and i want to be me. but i'm a boy. i'm a boy but in the body that i have.#my body is still a boy's body. because i live in here.#sorry this went off on a tangent.#but yeah i know my brain would be different if i was amab. and i don't want all those other issues.#i think the only reason i'm so peaceful and serene is because i'm afab. and afabulous.#i see cis guys and im like.. yeah i don't want what you got.#once again! lucky to be me! i'm lucky. im lucky i have a vargooba. thank fuck for that!#couldve been so much worse off. could've been born with a dick and would be fighting for my life right now.
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yeah yeah enimes to lovers this enemies to lovers that but friends to enemies to lovers is on a whole different level always
#was thinking abt bkdk when i came up w this post#BUT#itās also sooooo meronia coded#shouts to my hc that they were friends before enemies#iām right and i should say it#bc like it makes soooo much sense#why near cares so much#and why mello *hates* near but canāt bring himself to kill him#bc rlly is mello wanted near dead he would be#but heās not and mello is and it kills near#i also hc that near is suicidal capital S#so when mello the only person heās ever loved gets himself killed#(expect for matt if youāve got big brain but heās dead too so how much does it rlly matter?)#it kills him and he just stops caring abt anything and becomes sooooo self destructive#anyway friends to enemies to lovers (tragic version) kills me
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad š
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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Had such an awful terrible dream that I'm scared to go back to sleep š®āšØ
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