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lovesodeepandwideandwell · 2 days ago

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Everyone clap for me setting BOUNDARIES on my babysitting (said they have to be back by 10 so I can go sleep before driving tomorrow)

#i do love babysitting truly #it's good work that needs doing and the people i do it for are never frivolous #and all of them are good and dedicated parents and their kids are only normal amounts of difficult #that said. i have done um 4 babysittings for total about 15 awake kid hours in just over a week #my voice is shot and so is my patience #bones boy and then all the others are 3 and under #while i'm yapping in the tags i will say for posterity #that i didn't quite get everything done i wanted to today/this week #BUT i finished my chapter draft and all but one of the house/cleaning chores i wanted to #yesterday i spent all day at my small group leaders' first watching the kids and then hanging for dinner #and then book club that evening (they were like why don't you just stay? so i did)#today i returned my library books and got a turmeric latte on the way to babysitting #feel kinda crappy physically cause i haven't worked out consistently and had sugar too much this week #and the early dark is messing with my appetite so i'm trying to figure that out and be responsive #but! i am very excited to be going home tomorrow (first time since may!!) and see everybody and rest with them #it's not rest from everything hard but it is rest from being responsible for my own time and that sounds so lovely right now #i had the best time with the twins yesterday. they were yelling LEAVES and picking up pine needles #so i said it's Pine Needles #and they started going Pine Noodles! Pine Noodles!#they never watch screens and it shows. they're so good at thinking of stuff to do

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icewindandboringhorror · 2 months ago

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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting #with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though #you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would #think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page #disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol #THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended #(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever #so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with #no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know #EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably #It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end #point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc #I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc #rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is #not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school #but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia #and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like #the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot #or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are #familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them #Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol

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crossbackpoke-check · 2 months ago

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Dysprosium, Mary Soon Lee

dysprosium, AN 66, is a silvery-white rare earth metal. its name is derived from the greek dysprositos, meaning “hard to get at”, owing to the difficulty in separating and isolating this rare earth element. dysprosium is used to measure neutron flux, to fuel reactors, and to activate phosphors. terfenol-d is a magnetorestrictive alloy, meaning that it changes shape when a magnetic field is applied, and is used to manufacture underwater acoustic systems.

jason “robo” robertson, dallas stars #21 for @simmyfrobby’s nhl periodic table poems <3

#i had a couple different ideas for poems that were taken by the time i could go deranged for a couple hours to make this but as I looked #i was like WAIT NONE OF YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE JASON ROBERTSON YOU HAVEN’T SEEN MY TEXAS CAM and had to do it. also was STRUCK with the #sudden immaculate vision of the Dallas D as part of terfenol-D and could not get it out & robo is the most dance! person i know on the team #liv in the replies #dallas stars #jason robertson #nhl periodic table poems #guys i am plagued with visions and no execution skills!! every day i come here and learn one new skill on GIMP the way god intended!!!#today it was emboss. also cannot claim any credit for the pulse to the magnetic beat photo which is so cool that was one where i had a #couple and was like maybe i can do like crayon shockwaves like the art process video kasper showed? and then found that picture and was #like thank you lord stanley for knowing my limitations. thank you for your understanding in this moment it was a trial enough to make #expand contract dance and one would THINK i would have fucking learned from the claude animorphs tragedy!! i did not. but i did use the #shear tool and 3D rotate so at least if we’re animorphing it’s SLIGHTLY better. anyway me frantically doing this like WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT #WAIT FOR ME YOU GUYS ARE SO FAST i keep seeing all of these and just spinning around in circles until i get dizzy & fall down I’m so happy #the drive folder for this is just called joy!!!!! because joy this is such a cool idea but now because it brings me so much joy #i just saw the Travis dermott one and burst into tears super normal AND someone did exactly what i wanted with hydrogen which was the water #the ice!!!!! it’s so perfect!!! and cody ofc did silver lord stanley. like does it ever make you cry how beautiful & creative everyone is?#anyway if you see me post and delete this and then update it or change it no you didn’t it’s fine. but i wanted to be included #if i could make the dysprosium letters not have a white background i would I simply could not fuck with it at 1AM. we are hitting send #it may not look like it but i queue #pretend i spoke at length about the reasons why i picked all the pictures & the element just know that it’s there inside my brain u can ask #GUYS I TAKE IT ALL BACK I SAW NEONFRETRA’S ISOTOPES AND I COULD MAKE THE EDITS EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE THERE!! ISOTOPES!!!! YOU GUYS!!!!!!#get ready for the edits then. dylan magnesium my beloved child of stars who can never return… like i wish i could say anyone else but it’s #i KNOW number nineteens bismuth don’t make me Google how many years nolan played hockey but also there’s ej for stable so.. also half-life #actinium claude giroux my beloved… when i saw there already was a claude i thought maybe Brady too for that #I don’t know how but flerovium doubled magic is percolating in my brain as was promethium bad boy because I was like hmmm. tyler. but #couldn’t commit and THEN SOMEONE DID BAD BAD LEROY BROWN TYLER BERTUZZI TO PROMETHIUM AND BESTIE I AM KISSING YOU ON THE MOUTH!!! with cons #anyway shane wright germanium with juraj slafkovský but showing him very obviously not missing it. if jack eichel was not an asshole #the narratives WOULD be narrativing. you could argue for a sidovi here with the calder cup and potentially a best friend stealing narrative #(the most recent is cam yorke’s acquisition of jamie d from trevor zegras which would then require a yorkie one for silicon the other side)

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melverie · 7 months ago

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Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh today I've been constantly experiencing the urge to un-private today-in-the-devildom & start writing for it again

#i'm gonna ramble in the tags but #i've been talking with starr (if you're reading this--hi starr!! <3) about the blog today and sharing some of the entries #and it just made me miss it so much #+ the conversation actually made me realize some other reasons why i didn't enjoy the blog in general anymore #like i genuinely love the blog and i genuinely loved writing for it & that conversation reminded me of that #but also there were so many reasons that ultimately pushed me to more or less abandon the blog & then later private it too #so i'm kind of at a loss here #tbh i think i'm mostly just scared to pick the blog up again only for it to end exactly like last time i picked it back up #i've actually always wanted for the blog to be a source of inspiration y'know?#like the things mentioned in the entries are kinda just small ideas right #i was hoping that people would read these & feel inspired to write or draw something of their own based on my entries #that was actually what made me start the blog in the first place. the hope that i could inspire others that way #aaahhhhhh.... maybe it's on me since i could have more openly communicated that idea......#i did get to meet one wonderful person who wrote a few fics based on my entries tho!! (hi ali <3)#but yeah..there's that #also the way engagement just dropped significantly after a while #like i know i was gone for a good while & that a lot of people left the fandom and all that #but still getting maybe one reblog if i'm lucky really feels like a punch to the gut #ESPECIALLY considering that i was close to 900 followers on there #do you guys know that feeling when you proudly show someone you care about something you did only to get a disinterested answer?#yeah...#that's essentially how it feels like to me #and well as you might know the feeling of “why should i keep writing if apparently no one cares” eventually won... haha.....#but aaaahhhhh i'm still clinging onto the hope & what ifs here #that conversation with starr really just made me forget about everything that frustrated me about the blog & left me with this #longing feeling to start again lol #hey if you've made it this far into the tags let me just ask--would you care if i picked the blog back up?#would you also *show* that you care?#i'm actually quite curious (you could almost call me george lol)#anyway maybe we'll see each other on today-in-the-devildom again in the future.. who knows

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comradecowplant · 8 months ago

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so things are not going well with my new elderly socdem friend unfortunately.

#she said this RIGHT after talking about how bad yt misinfo is... which she followed up w SO I WAS WATCHING A YT DOC ABOUT WW2 & LEARNED THIS #youtube 'historians' are literally the most fascist breed of youtuber. avoid the vast majority like the plague lmao #i asked if the video was sourcing the hollow dahmer & the black book of communism & she didnt seem to know what those are lol #to her credit i told her straight up that she was incorrect & she at least faked being curious about doing more research but i am doubting #she also 'learned' that lenin killed trotsky lol get your propaganda right lenin was dead by then STALIN icepicked him <3 #anyway im making jokes bc the worst part was a different conversation where she spoke positively of israel #THAT'S gonna be the one to ruin our friendship. fuck you & your war tourist friend who fought in the 1960s landgrabs that youre now #telling me as if this is a cute story. nahhhh lmao i looked her straight in the eye & said i will NOT debate this #so she dropped it like the true enlightened centrist most socdem cowards are and i kept cleaning her house quietly #turns out You & Me We're the Only Ones Around Here Who Aren't Complete Fools was premature *kicks the poorly rendered gravel sadly*#shes otherwise a nice lady & i know i need to be more flexible in order to hopefully change ppls minds...#but also when people say awful & untrue things it makes me not want to talk to you 🤷‍♂️ srry 2 b a freak like that #also i know shes not transphobic but i havent sniffed her out well enough to know if shes safe to come out to #so its hours of misgendering (which isnt her fault she doesnt know) bc shes obsessed with neoliberal feminism and inappropriately brings #gender into conversations that it does not belong in #'did you know all the countries that handled covid best were ran by women?' 1) untrue 2) dont care finland still sucks #she also tried to tell me that european rich people learned to be nicer after the french rev & thats why europe is better than america...#girl shut up we learned how to be so good at racism and capitalism BECAUSE of europe. there is no such thing as a good rich person!!!#i pick my battles (genocide & anticommunist genocide revisionism) so i let her cook w that one & was not left convinced as you can imagine #ANYWAY rant about today's weird day done. gonna smoke weed & rim some skies 🥵 while listening to the Khrushchev Lied audiobook i found 😘

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hella1975 · 1 year ago

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ok so strangers is obviously about the death of touya BUT it can be about either his first ‘death’ on sekoto peak or the inevitable final one. and yeah he’s addressing enji. ‘in your basement I grow cold’ in the shadow of endeavour he’s loses everything (also it’s kinda like ‘freezer bride’ and the references to ice/his mother) ‘you devour like smoked bovine hide’ the fire devoured touya todoroki and his father wasn’t there he never was. ‘how funny, I never considered myself tough’ it’s a joke ethel is mocking herself after everything she's been through. ‘it's so cruel. she just wanted to be good. she's spitting on her own corpse’. I TRIED TO BE GOOD! AM I NO GOOD? AM I NO GOOD? AM I NO GOOD? he just wanted to be good enough and it set him alight it killed him. ‘with my memory restricted to a polaroid in evidence’ the world actively forgets touya there’s no inquiry no backlash barely a FUNERAL his family don’t speak of him he’s a closed case and a grave already dug. I just wanted to be yours, can I be yours? he wanted his dad. ‘when my mother sees me on the side of a milk carton in winn-dixie's dairy aisle she'll cry and wait up for me’ his mother will wait in that hospital watching him on the news waiting up for him. but he won’t. ‘you’re so handsome when I’m all over your mouth’ hahaha she’s using purposeful innuendos to talk about her brutal murder hahaha. am I making you feel sick? I’m a brutal murder I’ve burnt innocent people alive like kindling, am I making you feel sick? I’m torn apart by my own fire I’m scarred and held together by staples, am I making you feel sick? ‘don't think about it too hard or you'll never sleep a wink at night again don't worry about me and these green eyes mama just know that I love you and I'll see you when you get here’ what! him and rei were both the ones who were destroyed under the pressure of endeavour’s dream he knows he’s going to die he’s reaching out to his mother one last time. don’t think about it too hard (they don’t. they won’t give him a chance to live. he’s already dead) you are a walking corpse and a monstrous villain you are a son and a brother you are a closed case and a grave already dug. sweet mourning lamb there’s nothing you can do it’s already been done. anyway feel free to add anything do you regret introducing me to mha

I AM GOING TO FUCKING KIILL YOU

#WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM GENUINELY #YIOU NEED TO BE MEDICATED. OR SEDATED. OR I WILL FILE A RESTRAINING ORDER YOU PICK #HOW COULD YOU SAYYYYYY THIS LALALALA HANDS ON EARS WHY WOULD ANYONE SAY THIS #AND TODAY OF ALL DAYS AFTER WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT WHY DID I HAVE TO FIND THIS ASK NOW???#DO YOU HAT E ME? THIS IS ONE OF YOUR WORST ONES YET AND THE BAR IS FUCKING HIGH #blocking you for ever and ever and ever an #ask #touya todoroki

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marvelouslyalwaysme · 3 months ago

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I saw the most GORGEOUS girl today so probably gonna live off that high for the next week

#Shewassohotohmygodyoudontevenunderstand #i was trying so so hard not to stare at her when she walking by cause she was waitress at a mexican place while i waiting for my food so sh #was just trying to do her job and i didnt want her to notice and make her uncomfy #but omg it was so hard cause when she was in the room she was the only one in the room #she was so pretty and it just seemed so effortless #im genuinely so sad that i will never see her again i am not a eat in girly im a order in girly #so the fact that i was even in there today was a rare situation but i gotta find another reason to go there again cuz lord #and not to brag or anything buuuut i was there with my family and its not i was the one talking to them giving them the togo order #but she was one who brought our food out and she did hand the bags of food directly to me in the middle so im pretty sure she like me too s #or she was just handing it to the group and she wasnt really paying attention who she handed to cause she did turn her head when she did it #probably that one #oh and i fear i made waaaaayyy to much eye contact by pure accident i also accidently raised my chin at her #so she mightve picked up on my vibe but idk i want to say she was also making alot of eye contact with me but likely she was just bopping #around doing her job and just happened to catch my eyes a couple of times i mean it wasnt the biggest place but also not the smallest and #not busy at all so i can see why she would catch my eyes a couple times cuz i feel like if it was busy she wouldnt have time for her eyes t #wander you know #if you read all this i hate you this is my diary wtf are you doing here lol but can you tell im obsessed?#lgbtq #queer #birthday made tbh #Lgbtq+#gay #pride

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pinksilvace · 6 months ago

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#dkhghgghkslghhhgh I'm Not Normal about rotg #my interest in it picks back up for a few weeks each year and I just. sigh #please dreamworks I know you had sequels planned. you don't know how big it would be amongst today's audiences. I prommy #director PETER RAMSEY and executive producer GUILLERMO DEL TORO both want to give it a second chance #as does joyce. the guy who sold the IP to dreamworks #nooo because there are so many interesting things the movie could pull on if it starts looking at the guardians with respect #to events of the past #a big critique of rotg is that it doesn't have much plot and I think that largely comes as a result of the movie being mostly setup #it needed to spend so much time establishing its world and I'm so glad that it did #but it did lead to people questioning what the heck bunny and tooth are and why pitch feels so flat etc etc #oh my GOD if they dug into how pitch was created it would add so much subtext to the antarctica scene #I wouldn't care about whether they brought in nightlight stuff or not by integrating more material from the books bc movie canon #is already so distinct but YOU'RE TELLING ME that this man... a guard in his own right... succumbed to the powers of fear #because he was mourning the loss of his child??? because he wanted to protect her??? and then he tried to connect with jack #(a child) over how much he longed to be known and have a FAMILY??? how am I supposed to be normal about this #there are so many ghosts of the books' influence in the first movie that could be explored so much #not to mention something something fear exists to keep people (kids) safe and eliminating it completely would be Bad Actually #maybe I'm realizing I just want pitch to be explored more sdkfjsldfjks #I've seen a lot of folks say they want more seasonal characters to be introduced and I guess that could work in the context of a show #but if they dove more into how the guardians came to be and what MIM's deal is and how that all affects the present #ohhhh baby that's good content right there #fern muses

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sudokuplayer · 6 months ago

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i'm so angry and heartbroken and i think this is all i will ever be

#no it's not pms :( Jeremy is still missing and i haven't slept well waiting for him #it's getting so cold too #all my ''''progress'''' this year means nothing to me #also my sister is here because she didn't have to work yesterday and today and my brother video called her not knowing she was here #and when she picked up he was all cheerful and happy and it sounded like they video call often #(he texted me only a few times when he moved to the north and not a single time since he moved to Argentina)#and when he realized she was here he sort of got quiet and asked if i was around and she pointed the camera at me which always makes me sic #so i didn't look or wave and i didn't say anything and he said “she's got he headphones on” and my sister said no lol and it was awkward #then she told him we are all sad about Jeremy and said me in particular #i've been so sad and moody and angry #i can't do anything because of this anguish i feel #can't read or watch movies because i can't concentrate #i watched the emperor's new groove the other day to cheer up a little but it made sad #nostalgia doesn't work for me when i'm down like this because i see through it lol and i remember i spent my whole childhood scared #i remember i was certain something bad would happen to me (and it did but not as tragic as what i was scared of)#i'm rambling. i should be journaling instead #...#Keanu is with me now and i can't even look at him without tearing up because i start thinking about Jeremy #it's so cold and he's probably hungry. if he's even alive #the cats are all i have. i spend more time with them than with the only 2 humans i can interact with without throwing up (mom and sister)#you know how they say cats mirror twhe personality of their humans :( Jeremy is exactly like me. my mom and siblings used to joke about it #he hides when people come over to the house:( he pees himself when strangers touch him :(#we have the vet come over so we don't have to take him out of the house #and the vet is the only person he's forced to see. he pees himself when she touches him too #i can't stop thinking about how he's doing if he's still alive because he gets scared so easily and he's so anxious #i'm so angry because i should go outside and look for him but i can't even picture myself out of this house #i feel so betrayed too. because one thing is my stupid sick head thinking there's no amount of therapy or meds that could work for me #but why is my family listening to me when i say these things. why don't they get me lobotomized or something #maybe it is a bit of pms #📓

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fingertipsmp3 · 7 months ago

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Someone needs to put me down like a sick dog

#i tried to vacuum my bedroom like a good and functional adult and my vacuum IMMEDIATELY refused to pick up ANYTHING whatsoever #like not even dust. not even microscopic dust #checked the roller thing and it’s just absolutely clogged with hair. absolutely nonfunctional with what looks like more hair than is on my #head currently. SO MUCH FOR HAIR WRAP TECHNOLOGY #i have had a shitty bob for as long as i’ve had this vacuum this cannot be real #if i truly am losing hair en masse why do i still look like coconut head. answer me that #so i was like fine. i’ll fix it later. let me change my bed #tell me why one of the straps on my mattress protector is broken??????#i’ve dumped all my bedding on the landing so i can lie here and scream for a bit because why. whyyyyyy #this was supposed to be a good day. my weed gummies and suetonius both arrived #i was going to clean up and go for a run and then come back; shower; make myself a nice tofu stir fry and get baked #but it is SO stupidly hot today and all my shit seems to be determined to break #at least nothing weird happened while i was cleaning the fridge. that was really nice actually #i did have to wash the vegetable drawer because an ice pop had leaked all over the bottom of it. but you can’t have everything #(i don’t want to hear any comments about how i keep ice pops in my vegetable drawer. my freezer is like the size of one singular pea #where am i SUPPOSED to keep ice pops)#personal

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obstinatecondolement · 10 months ago

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Wish it weren't such a Herculean task getting my fucking meds organised every time.

#I couldn't go to my in-person appointment so had them send the prescription to my pharmacy #who then had to send it to my gp to rewrite it so i can get it through a government scheme much more cheaply #why don't I get the consultant to send it to my GP I hear you cry?#I asked and they won't do that #then the GP has to send it back to the pharmacy and I have to specifically tell them to fill it #if I assume they'll know to do this they won't #and I might have to get an entirely new prescription if a window of time on my original prescription has expired #because one of my meds is a controlled drug #so anyway I did ALL OF THAT #and my dad came home with only one of the meds I take and got very irate with me when I asked if they gave him the rest of my prescription #so I had to call the pharmacy back four times before they picked up the phone #at which time they took my number and told me they'd call back #they then said they never got a prescription for the other drug from my GP #so I had to call the GP and the secretary said he had apparently forgotten to do the second one #but they'd get it done for me today #so then I had to call the pharmacy AGAIN to let them know to expect it after lunch and to Please Fill It

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my-blooming-darling · 2 years ago

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the viper got cold so i gave him my jacket

(I made this in advance cause I knew y’all beautiful gremlins would have voted to have it redone. Y’all are wise cause I was legit gonna weep if I had to try at ✨the arm✨ again)