#the story of how I acquired this dress is also kinda funny

[braceletofteeth]

It's 1AM now and I just realized I wore the 唯一 necklace with the palm trees dress I reserved for New Year's Eve—so, basically, a NuengPalm themed outfit 😆

[phoenixyfriend]

The Catboy Valois AU

This one is a little cursed, and inspired by this Totally Spies post.

This AU does contain some nsfw content, which I will place at the end of the post and mark for (it’s right after the dog pics). Once again, this was brainstormed on the GG server, back in October of 2019. Biggest contributor other than myself was @atagotiak​.

So I decided that, at some point, I need to see one of those inexplicable and very horny modern catpeople AUs.

Where a fraction of the population just happens to have cat ears and tails etc. for... minimal reason.

Tarvek def has them. Bc twink. Sticking to the tropes, you know.

All the Valois are catpeople because most of history didn't have the option of interbreeding, just coexisting. Something something sterile hybrids because chromosomes.

Andronicus Valois, Catboy King

Lucrezia was full human and Aaronev never had a chance.

"Most of history" because recently they scienced up ways to get around it, so there are catperson/human hybrids, like Gil and Zeetha (Klaus is human, Zanta is not).

Klaus is kinda glad Gil has cat ears bc this makes people automatically assume he can’t be the dad even if they realize it’s technically possible.

This means Agatha gets her boys.

The human (Lars), the hybrid (Gil), and the cat (Tarvek).

Anevka's initial robot body doesn't have the cat features just due to the fact that Tarvek was aiming for Bare Minimum, and then when he added them in later she decided she liked being able to pick when she had them.

I am morally obligated to reblog the callout art @mercurialvoid​ did for me a few years ago.

We’re not gonna talk about that, though.

human Othar/catgirl Anevka

SCENT MARKING

It's considered Undignified but everyone still DOES it, just... discreetly.

Agatha thinks nothing of it when Zeetha rubs their cheeks together while training and then someone looks at her funny and asks if that's her girlfriend or something.

And Agatha Realizes that she's currently got Belongs-to-Zeetha scent on her and has to scramble to explain that Zeetha kind of adopted her as a little sister because it's the closest approximation she can come up with that still has Acceptable Connotations.

I think platonic marking is a THING but mostly within families, children, and really close female friends, like holding hands. (Toxic masculinity does apply.)

And kolee-zumil is effectively family relationship.

Agatha can't SMELL the scent markings but she gets used to them.

Also like. There's probably different levels of scent marking depending on the body part. Wrists and cheeks are different.

Jagers that used to be catboys have better senses of smell, and are the ones sent to find a Heterodyne.

Agatha and Lars make out but don't go all the way because Agatha is not ready. (Meanwhile, Zeetha can literally smell how horny these dumb kids are.)

TINY BABY GILVEK FACE NUZZLES WHILE STILL ON CW:

(Imagine how much more dangerous the baby gilvek airship-exploring shenanigans would be given one is a catboy and the other is half catboy.)

Gil just kinda scent marks on literally everything/everyone. The boy is affection-starved well into adulthood. He probably purrs too. And purring is probably considered kinda undignified.

Tarvek purrs when he’s designing clothes in his head. He’s embarrassed when he realizes. Everyone thinks it’s cute tho.

Also when crafting super-complicated diabolical plans.

Purring isn’t very diabolical. So it’s embarrassing and doesn’t fit with the aesthetic at all.

It’s hard to do an evil scheme while being an image-conscious catboy.

Gil only. Sort of knows how to cat. He's not very good at it. Zulenna helped but...

Is Von Pinn a cat? Gut says yes. Though it makes it less likely she'd be mistaken for Lu as the students did, but hey! She’d appreciate that.

She probably wouldn’t know how to cat.

Or maybe she would, given we’re assuming hereditary and she was made for Andronicus... She probably knows a bit abt how to tell other people how to cat, but she doesn’t know how to cat herself.

The Muses... not designed to look like catpeople. Ruined the minimalist bodies RVR was going for, going by canon's lack of consistent ears or noses

Agatha does not realize at first that Von-Pinn is a cat-lady because her ears match her hair and every time she sees Agatha her ears go back, and the tail is hidden under the hobble dress.

Otilia is very happy to go from catwoman body to Giant Metal Cat body

KITTY BANGLADESH DUPREE

She's got a faint pattern to her fur that's, on closer inspection, very much indicating she's a PANTHER.

Consider: Tarvek starts working himself up into a frenzied panic and the nearest Trusted Person starts petting him to calm him down and he like. Melts.

TBH tho, a good portion of canon Tarvek’s behaviour can already be described as “cat does something stupid and immediately after attempts to pretend he has dignity even though everyone saw the stupid thing.”

Once Tarvek calms down... Lazy Cat Time.

OH

NECK PINCH

CH would be ecstatic that Agatha snagged two suitors, then swing around to devastated that they’re both catboys, and maybe delusional enough to attempt to cut the ears/tails off like that’d solve anything then come around to “well there’s always science” once it’s fixed.

All Valois have high necks on their outfits, at least at the back

So nobody tries to Deactivate The Cat

(One less thing for Anevka to worry about.)

Because, you know. Canon decided to cut Agatha in half to acquire an heir, so we can’t exactly say the Castle is all that sensible.

It does calm down once Agatha mentions she has Lars, though.

Per @lyratalus​: Krosp could be... so much more dangerous in this AU. What if he was designed to be emperor of all catpeople?

Cats never do what they're told anyways, and you can’t really control people without wasps, but the attempt was made! Vapnoople was ambitious!

Long story short, there's a spark of Something but then they just bat him off the table.

Imagine Seffie making Martellus Stop by deactivating the cat

Violetta is the cutest lil catgirl...

SHE GETS REALLY BRISTLEY WHEN SHE'S MAD

HE'S NOT A TWINK AND IT'S WEIRD. Not even a twunk???

Martellus is

So fucking ODD for a catboy

Like it HAPPENS but it means that human women are more likely to find him attractive than catgirls (and even that's a bit of a long shot on the basis of personality).

(Gil excused from the catboys-are-twink-to-twunk rule on the basis of being half human, and his dad being Basically A Wall.)

That said, for Andy I’m gonna go with "buff as fuck but sooooooo charismatic that all the catgirls, and human girls, flocked to him anyway."

So that’s at least two Bara catboys in this AU

Tarvek is canonically more or less the same size/shape as Gil, but... in my heart, Tarvek’s a twunk. He’s got muscle but he's not AS big, and he's got intense Twink energy, especially since Tarvek actually is queer.

(And they're both straight so they're not even technically bara, just Buff.)

(Not twinks either but...)

(Twink is a fun word.)

Colette is human and Seffie isn't but they'd need science for babies ANYWAY so who cares? It's a lot of Seffie laying her head in Colette's lap and purring as she falls asleep because Colette just keeps petting her.

Catboy Martellus still makes sparkhound shapeshifters. He's a catperson...  but he's still a Dog Person.

Martellus and his dynamic with the sparkhounds:

He loves them, they love him. But they’re embarrassing sometimes.

THIS MARKS THE BEGINNING OF THE NSFW CONTENT

ANYWAY back to the point, which is that a lot of these catperson AUs are just... really super horny.

Which is valid.

Ears are technically erogenous zones for everyone but for the cat people... it's a Lot. It's also not like. Inherently sexual? But it can be. Like spooning. It feels nice ALWAYS but with the right person it's also HORNY.  Or like brushing someone else's hair. 

Ear rubs and headpats that result in like, intense sensation? Good actually.

Also I’m declaring that catpeople have heats. Or at least like. Heightened mating seasons? Extra horny times.

So you have Agatha and Lars normal, Gil kinda horny and confused, and Tarvek rubbing himself against the nearest spouse in hopes that someone's going to fuck the living daylights out of him.

Valois probably take suppressing things as a matter of course bc it’s hard to stay alert to assassination attempts when overwhelmingly horny. When Tarvek deliberately forgoes them eventually, everyone is touched by how much trust it shows.

Without suppressants, the horny is either something you can cope with or something that is intense but comes in Very brief periods. Either one day a month, or a week twice a year? Something like that.

Honestly though, imagine if Gil tried to hide being a catperson for the sake of the Empire or some nonsense, and had to just suffer when in heat?

Agatha likes to watch the boys go at it because there's something about Fangs On Neck that's super pleasurable for cat people and she can't provide that for Tarvek but Gil certainly can.

Bonding marks aren't a thing but possessive biting is.

(Since birth control is so easily accessed in GG, I feel like Lu’s opinion of catboys would be a super gross objectifying thing.)

(Which. Yeah.)

(Lucrezia basically has that opinion on any man in canon that isn’t immediately useful to her for science reasons.)

[sunriseverse]

rec listtttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

fair warning there’s a lot of different fandoms here—i have, uh. twenty-two pages of bookmarks. lots of newmann though, i promise. in no particular order, i give you a fic rec list

the future’s owned by you and me by kaiyen (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 7k, Not Rated)

Years after they stopped writing each other, Newt and Hermann run into each other on the steps of Cambridge University Library. Quite literally.

 Newt stares at him, expecting more. He doesn’t get any. “Come on, man, who are you? Maybe I’ve read something.”

 I doubt it, Hermann barely catches himself from saying. “Gottlieb. Hermann Gottlieb.”

 And Newt looks like he’s struck oil. “Oh my god,” he says, and something flickers behind his eyes, like there’s more than just recognition there, and before he can wonder any more about what it is, Newt blurts, “Oh my god!” and Hermann flinches and makes a face like a disgruntled frog.

What you can expect: emotions, opprotunities missed, and opprotunities taken. I absolutely adore this fic, though I might be biased by the fact that it has Newt as bipolar, and that’s something I always crave (more bipolar Newt fic when???).

Survival is for Nerds by Annabeelee (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 46k, Teen and Up)

It's three hundred and two years after humanity lost to the Kaiju and two hundred and twenty one since the Kaiju left. Not that it matters to Hermann. In relation to following a neurotic genetic experiment across whats left of the Northern American continent while dodging alien predators and hostile subgroups of humans, its possibly the least helpful thing to keep in mind.

What you can expect: scifi, tension, and a very intersting world. Post-apocalyptic, technically, but the way it’s written makes it almost hopeful. I love how the setting and writing makes it feel like a blend between victorian steampunk and futuristic in tone.

people can surprise you (or not) by pdameron (James Bond, James Bond/Q, 10k, Teen and Up)

“I’m not you, Bond. I don’t exactly have a technique for getting rich strangers to like me.”

“Just do your naive cute puppy thing, and they’ll be doting on you in no time,” Bond replies as he pulls up to the grand estate.

“My what?” Q asks incredulously. Bond doesn’t answer, simply giving him an indulgent smile. The fucker.

(or: 00q meets Gosford Park. Except not really.)

What you can expect: humour, murder, and some light espionage. Also, fake dating.

Infinite Distance by lachatblanche (X-Men, Erik Lensherr/Charles Xavier, 7k, Teen and Up)

When they encounter an unfamiliar and seemingly-abandoned ship in the middle of nowhere in space, Captain Charles Xavier of the spaceship Graymalkin heads out to investigate.

What you can expect: drama! Intruige! It’s set in space! I read this a while ago but I have memories of it being rather riveting despite the relatively short length.

Gertrude’s Goulash by lollzie (Gotham, Edward Nygma/Oswald Cobblepot, 7k, General Audiences)

Ed needs a new roommate. Oswald needs a room. Oswald may just be the most amazing person Ed has ever met. Shame he's not single. Cue wooing via the medium of cooking.

What you can expect: pining, misunderstandings, obliviousness, and a lot of goulash as a method of romancing.

Death Of The Author by happygolovely (Gotham, Edward Nygma/Oswald Cobblepot, 9k, Mature)

Edward Nygma was never intended to be anything more than a secondary character.

The Riddler demands otherwise.

What you can expect: a story within a story within a story. You think you have it figured out, and the next moment the carpet is yanked out from beneath you. Fairly dark, possibly disturbing, but my goodness if it’s not engaging.

we make our friends, we make our enemies by ORiley42 (Mission: Impossible, Benji Dunn/Ethan Hunt, 52k, Teen and Up)

Benji finds out he has a new neighbor. This new neighbor happens to be off-the-charts hot. Hijinks, friendship, more-than-friendship, and secret agent drama ensue.

What you can expect: pining. There’s spy stuff going on too, and it eventually gets brought up, but my gods, the pining. Also, it’s fucking hilarious, and, at just over fifty thousand words, the perfect read when you’ve got an hour or two and you want something that’ll make you both laugh and cry.

Self-Sabotage by EmilyweepsforPilfrey (James Bond, James Bond/Q, 2k, Teen and Up)

For some reason, whenever he's alone with Bond, the most ridiculous things come out of Q's mouth.

Or 'the one where Q accidentally invents a girlfriend'.

What you can expect: Q being an utter idiot. It’s hilarious. Nice quick bite of humour if you fancy it.

The Long Con by harleygirl2648 (Hannibal, Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter, 19k, Teen and Up)

There are two kinds of cons: long and short. Short cons mean short-term gain, with smaller rewards, mostly just everything you have in your pocket at that moment. Long cons mean lots of time, effort, costumes, masks, props, sets, and other characters all looking to set up the downfall of the mark and take them for all that they've got.

Con Artist/Thieves AU: Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter are both interested in acquiring a Botticelli, but both of them are quite fond of each other's short games. For both of them, it's the deception and thrill of the game that's worth more than the payout.

And well, after all, aren't the easiest people to scam are those who think they are smart enough to not get scammed?

What you can expect: no cannibalism, a lot of banter, and, of course, con artistry. Quite delightful if I do say so myself.

deus ex machina by coloredink (Hannibal, Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter, 26k, Teen and Up)

"What the hell?" said Katz.  "Is that--"

"Yeah, I know, it's kinda flashy."  Will shut the car door behind him and patted his pockets for the little fob to lock the car.

"Isn't that Hannibal Lecter's car?"

The car beeped to indicate it was locked.  "Yeah, I guess so."  Will walked away, toward the field, Katz on his heels.  "I needed a new car."

"So you bought the cannibal car?"

-----

You asked for it: the one where Hannibal is a murderous self-driving car.

What you can expect: what it says on the tin. Quite funny, especially with the element of magical realism meaning Hanni-car is sentient. The Hannigram is more vaguely implied than an actual thing, owing, probably, to the fact that Hannibal is, well, a car.

adapt, evolve, become. by peupeugunn (Alex Rider, Gen, 3k, Not Rated)

“This is how you get out. You're slowly moving towards a desk job.” A pause, then, “you know, most people do it the other way around.” Alex chuckles softly and and shuffles towards him to lean against his shoulder, burrowing into the crook of his neck. Ben’s arm winds around him, shields him from the world, a solid weight on his back. “You're going to miss the adrenaline rushes, kid.” There's something almost sad in his voice. Alex doesn't want to understand why. Down that road lies madness. 

What you can expect: a character study, in a bit of a roundabout way.

A Sharp Dressed Man by Avelera (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 12k, Teen and Up)

Hermann's latest book needs an author photo. However, when he's given a makeover and a suit that actually fits for the photo shoot, his appearance is so transformed that Newt mistakes him for his (much hotter) older brother, Dietrich.

Hermann decides to play along.

What you can expect: gods this fic is so good. It’s the first Newmann fic I ever read, and I’ve reread it a good six times since 2018. I would say more, but I think the fic speaks for itself.

Gestures by Actually_Crowley (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 7k, Teen and Up)

Newton finds out what Hermann does with his rare free time, but the discovery leads him to believe that Hermann honestly and unequivocally hates him. 

What you can expect: the rituals are fucking intricate. I love this fic so so so much. And the eventual reveal/confession...scream.

Fate’s Horrifying Ways (also known as: CHRISTMAS GODZILLA) by linearoundmythoughts (Pacific Rim, Newton Geislzer/Hermann Gottlieb, 4k, Teen and Up)

Your name is Newton Geiszler and you’re going to have to break things off with your sort-of online boyfriend because you’re cheating on him. Sort of. [AKA the most dramatic summary of a humorous crackfic ever ok]

Originally written for the Pacrim Secret Santa back in 2014.

What you can expect: first off, it’s not second person, I promise. It is, though, really fucking funny, owing to the misunderstandings that ensue. There’s much pining, some angsting, and, of course, humour.

Letters From Berlin by spenshi (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 12k, Teen and Up)

Newton keeps in touch with his family when he's shipped off to the Shatterdome. Jacob and Illia send care packages to the K-Science Lab. 

What you can expect: Geiszler-family feels. A lot of them. Also, Newt and Hermann slowly growing closer to until they can finally admit they’re into each other.

Wishbone by cypress_tree (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 8k, Teen and Up)

Hermann doesn't have anywhere to go for Thanksgiving, so Newt invites him over for food, family, and a little bit of flirting.  Just a warm, fuzzy college AU to get you through the holidays. 

What you can expect: fluff, softness, general feel-good fic. It’s really good, and it has Geiszler-family feels. Reading this fic is a bit like drinking hot cocoa on a cold day.

next days by catbeans (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 5k, Teen and Up)

Hermann had never felt an ache quite like this one, and he had felt plenty. He had been running on adrenaline first, and then on the necessity to keep running, pain and bone-deep exhaustion falling to such a low priority that he couldn't even consider it one anymore, and then it had stopped.

(the 18 hour nap date these guys deserve)

What you can expect: Newt and Hermann cuddling. A lot. That’s really it, that’s the fic. It’s 100% indulgent and I love it for that.

Tebori by SkysongMA (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 7k, Not Rated)

Newt squints. "It's really not a sex thing? 'Cause I'm not opposed to it being a sex thing, mind you. I just don't want to come in the lab tomorrow and not get to throw things at your stupid face."

Hermann lets out an endless, long-suffering sigh. "It's really not a sex thing, Newton, honestly. We hate each other. That's worked out very well for us so far, and it will continue to work out for us in the future." He doesn't mention that they haven't always hated each other and that, at one point in their long relationship, showing up unannounced at Newton's door for the purpose of sexual favors would not have been so far out of the realm of possibility. Had been, in fact, one of those things Hermann had considered late at night long ago, when he couldn't go a week without a fat envelope in the mail full of Newt's ramblings.

But that was quite some time ago, and he means it. They each get more work done than they would ever have separately, even if only because they like to rub their progress in the other's face.

Anyway, admitting anything different would just give Newt ammunition

What you can expect: Newt gives Hermann a tattoo. There’s a lot of feels.

Newt Inherits a Bar by orphan (Pacific Rim and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 11k, Not Rated)

The scary part is the bar looks exactly like Newt remembers.

What you can expect: you’ll probably tear up a bit. This one hits pretty hard, honestly, but it’s so, so, so good.

First a Darling, Then a Marvel by isozyme (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 20k, Mature)

Newt runs a simulation given three constraints:

1: Newt wants to clone a kaiju 2: Hermann does not want Newt to clone a kaiju 3: Newt is going to clone a kaiju anyway

What you can expect: a lot of sciencing, a lot of feels, and two repressed idiots. There’s like, a paragraph or two of smut but it’s pretty clear when it’s going to happen so it’s easy to skip, which is great. The tl;dr of this fic is Newt clones some kaiju, Hermann reminds him how fucking horrible of an idea that is, and everything more or less works out in the end.

Tea and Sympathy by osprey_archer (Torchwood, Owen Harper/Ianto Jones, 13k, Teen and Up)

Soon after Jack's disappearance, Owen takes sick. Ianto goes to check on him.

What you can expect: crabby doctors, put-upon Welshmen, and a fuckton of emotions that everyone is trying to ignore. Not particularly happy, but then, when is Torchwood ever? It’s good while it lasts, though.

Pareidolia by hal_incandenza (Pacific Rim and The Black Tapes Podcast, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 102k, Mature)

It starts as a profile of paranormal investigator and professional skeptic Dr. Hermann Gottlieb. But it seems the further journalist Newt Geiszler delves into his cases, the more mysterious Dr. Gottlieb becomes. What is he hiding? What is he looking for? What is the truth? What is the difference between a journalist's idea of truth, and a scientist's?

Seeing is not believing. Believing is believing.

What you can expect: suspense, mystery, horror, pining, and apocalypse cults, with a dash of an ambiguous ending. I love this fic so much. I literally would stop what I was doing to read it when I got an alert that there was an update when it was still a work in progress.

Meet Me There Across The Water, And We’ll Start An Endless Storm by Skepticamoeba (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 35k, Teen and Up)

Hermann, an honorably discharged veteran has retired to continue working as a Keeper at a Lighthouse. It is perfectly solitary, and with little in the way for incidents. Newton is the sailor that washes up on the seashore after a summer storm.

[Late 19th century Lighthouse Keeper AU--or the one where Hermann was an aspiring artist whose dreams got a bit derailed, and Newt is the sailor that needs to learn to take his time with things.]

What you can expect: the pining........the intricate rituals............the denial.........*chef’s kiss*

and I couldn’t whisper when you needed it shouted by Lvslie (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 24k, Teen and Up)

He still smells like Newt; bears traces of his recent nearness. Clothes sleep-wrinkled from the proximity, from the way Newt’s ankle has during the night hooked around the calf of Hermann’s good leg and dragged his whole body seamlessly closer. Cheek half-flushed from the face unconsciously nuzzled his into the side of Hermann’s neck—evidence of his presence, fast asleep, as Hermann lay still and fretful for hours an end, staring at the ceiling and feeling sick with wanting.

[An early 20th century AU inspired loosely by Maurice and Age of Innocence.]

What you can expect: wistfulness, pining, repression, denial, lots of feelings. You’ll probably tear up. There’s an achingly happy ending for both of them. This is one of the fics I want a hard copy of so I can mark it up because, fuck, I love it so much.

leave the car running by Macremae (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 1k, Teen and Up)

It is clear that, after everything, Newt doesn't like to be touched. 

What you can expect: touch starvation, mutual pining, Newt finally getting the human contact he deserves. I wrote my own version of this since it was initially a prompt, but quite frankly, I like Newton’s version better because it hits.

The Man Who Invented Sherlock Holmes by Calais_Reno (Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, 15k, Teen and Up)

John Watson, struggling young doctor, doomed to live an ordinary life, dreams of writing detective fiction. If he can just figure out his hero's name, the story will practically write itself.

What you can expect: Watson sort of, kind of, maybe invents a man into being. Oops. I haven’t read this one in a while but I remember it being quite a lot of fun. There’s elements of what I would say is probably magical realism, but it’s never quite clear.

Newton Isn’t Dead by Macremae (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb and Vanessa Gottlieb/Karla Gottlieb, 32k, Mature)

Newton Geiszler is currently being possessed by a genocidal alien race known as the Precursors. They’ve taken over his body, leaving him a prisoner in his own mind. However, Newt has a totally awesome plan. He’s going to make a deal with them: let him prove that Earth is worth saving, and if he can’t do that, they can have his body. But convincing a hivemind full of mega-colonizers that one blue planet can be wonderful isn’t going to be easy. He’s going to need the help of his kind-of-ex Hermann, his best friend Vanessa, and one awesome Footloose remake to pull this off.

So, naturally, they go on a road trip.

What you can expect: pining, world-saving, eventual confessions and happy endings. I had the great honour of reading the chapters before they were published, and this fic is one of my top five favourite fics. There were multiple points where I yelled, both literally (quietly) and through text (slightly less quietly).

it takes time, but time moves slow by prettydizzeed (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 2k, Teen and Up)

Hermann conducts a cost-benefit analysis every class period of sitting in the back of the lecture hall versus walking down the stairs to the front. He wishes he had hard data for this, to get some actual statistics, and perhaps after a while, if he records his pain level and his ability to read the board and pay attention after each class, he will be able to predict the outcomes given either choice on a particular day.

Two curves, traveling in opposite directions, inversely proportional: pain goes up, concentration goes down. It’s comforting, somewhat, to make it a numbers game. Impersonal. Absolute. Not a tragedy, and not his doing, only his to interpret, a smudged scrawl across his left knee in an unfamiliar handwriting, his to analyze, to decrypt.

What you can expect: the fic may only be 2k, but it will leave you feeling like you were punched. It’s fantastic.

I Could Be Jew-ish For You by Macremae (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 10k, Teen and Up)

When Hermann agrees to spend Chanukah with his family in an attempt to wheedle some desperately-needed funding out of his father, Newt insists that he shouldn’t face Lars alone and tags along as his “emotional support family rage distraction”. What they fail to realize are two things: 1. When Hermann brings Newt with him to the festivities, assumptions will be made, and 2. Newt may be half-Jewish, but he sure wasn’t raised as one. 

What to expect: fake dating fake dating fake dating— (can you tell I have a favourite trope?) In which Newt is Jew-ish, Hermann is both exasperated and pining, Lars is disliked, and we all get the Jewish romcom we deserve.

It Was Love At Second Sight by rednights (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 35k, Teen and Up)

Hermann receives the first letter when he is eighteen years old.

or: Kaiju don't attack the Earth, but Hermann and Newt still write letters, botch their first meeting, and fall in love, not necessarily in that order.

What you can expect: feels. So many fucking feels. There’s no kaiju but that doesn’t mean you won’t be on the edge of your seat.

hello my old heart by firebirdsuite (The Magnus Archives, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims, 15k, Teen and Up)

Peter’s wrong, of course. When it’s all over, Martin does still want to tell Jon everything. It’s just—well, there’s a few things they need to work through first before they can get there.

Martin and Jon find each other again in Scotland.

What you can expect: tenderness, domesticity, and love. The perfect trifecta.

the truth about me (and the truth about me) by danimagus (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 11k, Teen and Up)

Newton suffers from a bout of memory loss and is told Hermann is his fiancé.

Hermann plays along, to his endless shame.

What you can expect: two words: fake dating. Gods, I love this fic, as Mary can attest from how I unceremoniously started screaming at her about it in her tumblr messages the day of/after it was published. This fic is great because it subverts the trope a bit, and thus avoids issues of consent that may otherwise have occured.

speak right to my heart without saying a word by thekaidonovskys (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 13k, General Audiences)

“Your eyes. Your expression. Your smile. I’ve worked with you for ten years, Hermann, and words have never been our primary method of communication.” 

What you can expect: to be knocked the fuck out emotionally. This one hits pretty hard, and that’s what makes it so good.

Transducer by hal_incandenza (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 85k, Teen and Up)

“I need you to hide something for me.”

“Oh, excellent. Of course, Newton, please allow me to jeopardize my career. And yours as well. My pleasure. Do go on.”

“Yeesh, relax,” said Newton. “It’s a personal thing, not a work thing.”

“As if there is any division between the two,” Hermann snapped.

If only you knew, Newt thought.

What you can expect: intruigue, alien tech, light espionage. This fic will have your little nerd heart beating double-time. It’s very very good.

A Really Private Person by astolat (Person of Interest, Harold Finch/John Reese, 18k, Mature)

The end of the world started on a Wednesday in March. 

What you can expect: badassery on Finch’s part. One of the few fics I have bookmarked for this fandom, and it’s bookmarked for good reason.

Party For Two by ProblemWithTrouble (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 18k, General Audiences)

 “My mother’s parents have a home in the Black Forest that has a guest house. They’ve often allowed me to stay there when I could spare the time.” Hermann looked distant as if he were remembering something; the warmth of a fire and a nice book and the smell of freshly made tea. “It will be quiet, and possibly too boring for you-”

 “It won’t be. I could use some quiet after the decade we’ve had. I could actually compile my research. And sleep. It sounds amazing.”

After the world doesn't end Newt and Hermann take a vacation together to live in a cabin and finally relax, as friends. Cue the pining, the longing, and the living together as best friends.

What you can expect: a fic that will wrap you up like a warm blanket. Mutual pining, vacationing together in a cabin, lots of feels—what more can you want?

Dream Drifting by MooseLane (Pacific Rim and Inception, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 5k, General Audiences)

"You're running an extraction on that spastic PPDC biologist, is what I hear." Chau fixes him with a side-eye. "I know I wouldn't want to go poking around in that little bastard's head."

(There are not enough Inception x Pacific Rim crossover fics, so I decided to change that.)

What you can expect: Inception meets Pacific Rim. There’s no other way to say it, really.

I’ve Got Nothing To Do Today But Smile (The Only Living Boy In New York) by gyzym (Inception, Arthur/Eames, 19k, Teen and Up)

Arthur's a corporate lawyer, Eames owns the coffee shop across the street, and all good love stories start with a quadruple shot latte. 

What to expect: Arthur is stressed, Eames runs a coffee shop, and, through the power of friendship and a lot of stress-baking, everything works out happily for our intrepid protagonist.

Kalimat/كلمات  by rainbowagnes (The Old Guard, Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicolò di Genova, 3k, Teen and Up)

Yusuf translates medical texts for Niccolò from Greek and Persian into Arabic, and Niccolò spots the substratum of the ideas of the classical authors that he had once believed the basis of his own civilisation that he would go to the sword to defend, translated and passed down and sewn into a no longer foreign script. There are words Yusuf does not know how to translate. They will never, ever know all of the words. The prospect is thrilling. --- It takes Niccolò lifetimes to learn Arabic. 

What you can expect: if you, like me, are, especially natively, multilingual, this might hit the sweet spot of Language Feels. It did for me. Also, Joe calling Nicky hayati? Yeah.

i never liked that ending either by Macremae (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 15k, Mature)

You want a better story. Who wouldn’t?    - Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out

Once upon a time Dr. Flick Tucker, K-Sci head of Biology, fought a bunch of highly scientific dragons to save the world. Then, they took over her life. It didn’t end well.

Once upon our time Dr. Newt Geiszler, marine biologist, sci-fi aficionado, and accidental discoverer of dimensional travel, got a chance to take her place. He has a couple of ideas.

In which Uprising is still a bad movie, musings on the nature of choice and personal autonomy are made, and somewhere, probably, a coin is showing heads every time.

What you can expect: everything’s fine this is a perfectly normal fic come here i want to cause you as much emotional damage as I can

Not Allowed by acedott (BBC Merlin, Gwen/Morgana, 1k, General Audiences)

Gwen has been dealing with self-imposed touch starvation since she was a child. Morgana sets out to challenge this. 

What you can expect: gays. Pining. Touch starvation. Need I say more?

Rocky Horror Pancake Show by ChuckleVoodoos (Daredevil, Matt Murdock/Franklin “Foggy” Nelson, 19k, Teen and Up)

Foggy falls asleep at exactly 12:00 AM, and he’s making a wish. He wakes up at 12:00 AM too—twenty-four hours before he fell asleep.

"Let's do the time warp again!"

What you can expect: Ground-hog Day style time-loop, lots of fluff, and a happy ending.

Ain’t No Nancy Kerrigan by cleverqueen (DC’s Legends of Tomorrow, Leonard Snart/Mick Rory, 13k, Teen and Up)

It's 1994, and young Lisa Snart's jumps aren't strong enough for an Olympic singles skater. Thankfully, her older brother has an athletic friend who can match her in pairs.

Mick Rory is hopelessly in love with Leonard Snart, though he'd never say anything about it, so he jumps at a chance to do Len's little sister a favor. If he's patient and works hard, maybe he'll even get to skate with her older brother.

What you can expect: pining, ice-skating, and general goodness. It’s fun, it’s funny, and it has a happy ending.

[fangslikedaggers]

❝ he was a collection of hard lines and tailored edges – sharp jaw, lean build, wool coat snug across his shoulders. ❞ 

huh, who’s DAVID CORENSWET? no, you’re mistaken, that’s actually ALAIN LESTOAT. he is a TWENTY FOUR year old PART-VAMPIRE wizard who is an UNSPEAKABLE. he is known for being RETICENT, MERCURIAL, ALOOF, EVASIVE, and DECADENT but also CHIVALROUS, ADROIT, PRAGMATIC, DEBONAIR, and INTUITIVE, so that must be why he always reminds me of the song THAT’S OKAY BY THE HUSH SOUND and THREE PIECE SUITS, LONE MATTRESS IN AN EMPTY APARTMENT, CODED NOTEBOOKS, INK-STAINED HANDS, BLACK COFFEE GONE COLD, UNSENT POSTCARDS, OLD TABACCO PIPE, SOFT DIMPLED GRINS, PERFECTLY COIFFED HAIR, ÉDITH PIAF RECORDS ON LOW, and RED LEATHER GLOVES. i hear he is aligned with NO ONE, so be sure to keep an eye on him. 

GENERAL

FULL NAME: Alain Danet Lestoat NICKNAME(S): some people call him ‘Drac’ for some reason, but he prefers to simply be called Alain AGE/DATE OF BIRTH: 24, 09/19/2005 (will update graphic soon) OCCUPATION: Unspeakable, works in the Death Chamber most days GENDER: Cis Man PRONOUNS: He/Him HOMETOWN: Eguisheim, Haut-Rhin, France CURRENT RESIDENCE: London, England ALMA MATTER: Beauxbatons BLOOD STATUS: Part-Vampire (1/4th) / Halfblood

BIOGRAPHY

If you’ve ever had a chocolate frog, then there’s a great chance you’ve heard the name Lestoat. Among the many trading cards you can find in the packaged confection there is one for an Amarillo Lestoat, a vampire born at the same time that America declared its Independence, immortalized on enchanted cardstock. Amarillo’s rise to fame came with a single piece of literature which the vampire had published during his two hundred and one years. A Vampire’s Monologue, a mind numbingly boring read that offered the vampire a way to disable his victims so he could feed off them without trouble. It’s a story that has followed his grandson Alain throughout his twenty six years -- a fact that isn’t exactly welcome to the 1/4 Part-Vampire. 

Alain Danet Lestoat was born on a cold and murky September day in the commune of Eguisheim in Haut-Rhin to Marguerite Babineaux, a pureblooded witch whose family was one of the most prominent pureblood families in France during the 20th century, and her Part-Vampire husband Alexander Lestoat; the unexpectedly conceived son of the bore himself. Amarillo had no intention of fathering halfbreed offspring, but was surprised only ten years prior to his death to find out he’d impregnated a young witch he’d used his book on during a trip to Madrid, thus beginning the equally magical and vampiric lineage of the writer. Sometimes Alain wishes the man had managed to keep to this plan. From the moment he opened his eyes to the world he was instantly met with hardships and difficult hurdles to overcome. 

From his father’s side Alain had inherited a severe allergy to garlic, an acute aversion to direct sunlight, canines that were far too long and awkward for braces, and, of course, a slight penchant for the taste of blood. For her part, Marguerite had managed to pass down dark, thick curls and dimpled smiles, but that was not enough to quell the sort of fear that one got whenever he flashed a toothy grin at them. In Eguisheim, among the non-magical denizens, it was important for the Lestoats to stay incognito. Wixen could hide easily among the non-magical, ashen complexed and fanged Vampires could hardly do the same. As such, his childhood was rather isolated and sheltered. He spent most of his days roaming the rather large manor house they had acquired on the edge of town, reading the vast collection of books his two-centuries-old grandfather had left in his father’s possession, consuming knowledge about the world outside he could seldom take part in. 

It wouldn’t be until he’d received his invitation to study at his mother’s alma matter that he would get to see the outside world. With its sprawling gardens, never-melting ice sculptures and enchanting fountains, Beauxbatons Academy of Magic felt more like it belonged among Perrault’s stories than in the real world, and yet it was very real. Equal parts excited and horrifyingly nervous, Alain travelled to the secluded chateau to begin his education. His only hope was that among the magical folk of France he would be able to be more readily accepted. He was only a fourth vampire after all -- he was more like the other wixen around him, how could they abhor him? Disappointment would soon become a constant acquaintance for him. All it had taken was one excitedly large toothy grin to a fellow first year within the first minutes of the welcome feast and Alain’s reputation had been set. Leech. Bloodsucker. Monster. All desperately unfair labels since, as he constantly reminded others, he was more wizard than vampire, but it hadn’t mattered. Having knives for teeth was enough to cause anyone to instantly write him off as a danger and liability. 

After a particularly disastrous first year, including a rather humiliating question-and-answer session during a DADA class, he had sworn he would turn his back on the wizarding world and never come back. I’ll run away into the words, become the Bête in an enchanted castle and make friends out of the utensils I’ll steal from maman’s cupboard. It hadn’t been until Alexander intervened, having gone through a rough schooling experience himself, that Alain would be comfortable with returning to the academy. You’ll just have to prove to them they’re wrong by showing what kind of person you are. It was with this advice that Alain would come back year after year, despite the harassment from his classmates, in order to study. He had resolved to be the best wizard he could. He studied hard -- an easy feat since he was rarely invited along to field trips or outings with his classmates -- excelled at his academics and managed to be top of his class. Despite the naysayers, he’d graduated from Beauxbatons with top honors, and plenty of prestigious internships and job proposals to choose from. Tired of the isolation of both his small commune and the secluded chateau, he had taken what he felt was the most lucrative option -- an internship with the Bureaux des Mystéres in the Ministère des Affaires Magiques de la France. 

It wasn’t a particularly glamorous position -- he mostly helped file nonsensical reports. He wasn’t allowed anywhere near the actual Chambers within, but he’d caught on quickly enough to know that some really interesting and important stuff happened in there. Why else didn’t anyone talk about it? When he was able to, he applied to become an Unspeakable trainee and before long he was finally setting foot inside those elusive rooms and learning their secrets. He could be trusted to keep them; he was never one to socialize anyway. Who was he going to tell? The only person who was ever privy to his intimate thoughts was his little sister Amélie, and she was still too little to have discussions about his job. Quickly, he’d come to find the secretive and confidential world within those chambers were far more comforting than the vast world outside. His hunger for knowledge about the things he was studying had lead him to submit an application for another Ministry of Magic across the channel. It was said that in the UK they had made more headway with the types of things that were being studied within their own Department of Mysteries, and Alain was desperate to understand everything. When he’d gotten a response back from their Department head eagerly welcoming him to the team, he left first thing and didn’t once look back. France had already taught him enough, it was time to find something more on other shores. 

He’s been in the UK for only a year and a half now, and most of the time he’s spent sitting before a stone arch and shroud, listening to voices calling to him. The Death Chamber. There was something kind of funny about a vampire studying death, but Alain doesn’t care. Each day more mysteries open up to him, keeping him from sleeping and eating as his mind reels with everything. He’s been so occupied with his highly secretive work that he hadn’t noticed the climate changing around him. As a foreigner he understood the past conflicts in England in a textual sense. The Wizarding Wars and the Death Eaters were footnotes in his textbooks, a foreign problem to learn from. They weren’t close to home or part of his own history, so he hadn’t given them much thought. When a string of high prolific deaths began taking place they were sad, no doubt, but not warning bells of something dark to come. As such, he hasn’t taken a side. Per his letters home, he insists that should things become grim in England then he will secure a portkey back to France and resume his post in the Ministére, but Alain figures that whatever is happening will eventually de-escalate. Hadn’t they stopped a rise in dark wizardry in this country a matter of decades prior? 

ok so basically: alain is an introverted part-vampire who migrated to london about a year and half prior to start of game to work at the department of mysteries in the ministry. he started his career as an unspeakable in france’s ministry but is eager to learn more than he thinks was capable back in his homeland. 

BULLYING AND SLIGHT NON CON TW. generally he’s kind of introverted and keeps to himself; this is because he was harassed and bullied a lot as a beauxbatons student for being “halfbreed”. he’s 1/4 vampire and the grandson of a famous vampire writer, a legacy he really hates. in particular he hates that he’s 1. labelled as a monster by ignorant people (he lives off regular food, thank you very much) but also 2. if people know about his grandfather, then they know he wrote a boring af book and in a shady way to get people to submit to him for feeding. kinda feels non-consensual ya know?? 

PHOBIA MENTION TW as both a vampire and a frenchman, he dresses impeccably, so he’s usually seen around in long trench coats and thin tailored suits. he wears red leather gloves as both a fashion statement and also because he is a bit of a germaphobe. he won’t divulge details but this has to do with a vicious prank that was done to him when he was a student. he was kinda carrie’d if ya feel me. 

despite an air of decadence and debonair, he’s kind of poor (rip) and lives in a dingy little shoebox flat where he sleeps on a barren mattress and eats instant ramen and boxed wine for dinner. most of his money goes towards his closet or to his family back home, who doesn’t really need it but he loves spoiling his little sister so he would rather fund her life than his own. claims he’s making enough to live elegantly so they don’t realize he’s a l i a r. 

look he’s gonna be a bit of a hard egg to crack but i promise once he is cracked he’s charming and sweet and a loyal good friend so pls don’t give up on his interactions if he’s aloof and distant ;-; give the boy a chance. 

idk i’ll probably add to this as I think of stuff; it’s 3 am lmao

MISC

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Demisexual ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Heteromantic LANGUAGES: English, French, Spanish, Some German FAMILY: Alexander Amarillo Lestoat (father, b. 1967 in Madrid, Spain), Marguerite Celeste Lestoat neé Babineaux (mother, b. 1981 in Mulhouse, France), Amélie Marguerite Lestoat (sister, b. 2011 in Eguisheim, Haut-Rhin, France), Amarillo Lestoat † (grandfather, b. 1776 in Philadelphia, America, died 1977 in Madrid, Spain; vampire and author of a vampire’s monologue)  PETS: Barn Owl named Archimedes and Black Kneazle named Persephone FACE CLAIM: David Corenswet ZODIAC SIGN: Virgo MBTI: TBD PINTEREST: (x)

WANTED CONNECTIONS

tbh i have nothing in mind so just hmu if you have ideas. if not, we will brain storm :) 

bonus: 

alain danet lestoat, beauxbatons first year c. 2017. ignore that wonky ass eye i’m too lazy to fix it

[brownhardyho]

Fluffy Alphabet: Ben Hardy

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Reader

A/N: Decided to write another alphabet HC for Ben, but a fluffy version! I was also inspired by @sweetlygwilym ‘s piece on Gwilym Lee, thanks sis for the fluffy inspo! Happy reading fam! 😊

Warnings: MAJOR FLUFF AHEAD 

Word count: 2,132 (I got kinda carried away haha)

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

Ben finds everything about you attractive: how kind and genuine you are to the people you encounter, how funny you are without even trying, how soft your skin is, your sense of style, and let’s not forget about your HOT BAAAWDY fam! The list goes on and on and Ben is just in shock sometimes about how on earth he is lucky to have you in his life.

Aside from his tight, fit body that Ben works hard for, you absolutely love Ben’s gorgeous green eyes. Whenever he looks at you it’s like his eyes are looking into the depths of your soul. You also adore how kind he is, how big his heart is, and how genuinely curious he is about everything.

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?)

You both definitely want to children, but not at this point in time. Both your careers are taking off, and you enjoy traveling with each other so much that the idea of welcoming a baby into the world is a HUGE responsibility that you’re not quite ready for. With that said though, Ben’s heart swells whenever you are baby sitting your best friend’s little girl. So kids are definitely something you both want in the future!

C = (How do they cuddle?)

Ben ‘Cinnamon Roll’ Hardy is the cuddliest man you have ever known. You’ve always loved that Ben is a touchy feely guy, but you didn’t realize exactly how much until you first moved in together. Cooking in the kitchen? Ben will stand behind you and hug your body against his chest, his chin resting on your shoulder. “What’s cookin, good lookin’?” Just lounging around the flat on a Sunday morning? Ben will have a bear hold on you, blowing raspberries into your neck so that he can hear you laugh. Had a long day at work? Ben will cuddle with you until you both fall asleep. Feeling emotional, overwhelmed, happy, or sad/tired? BEN WILL GO IN WITH THE CUDDLES

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

Dates with Ben never fail to surprise you. Whether it’s spending a Sunday afternoon visiting a museum, taking Frankie on a walk through the park, or getting dressed to the nines to go clubbing, Ben always has something up his sleeve. You both also really love staying in and actually binge watching Netflix, too!

 E = Everything (You are my __ (e.g my life, my world…)

Person; Ben knows that he can talk to you about anything. First and foremost, he trusts and respects you. Ben admires you for who you are and how you can be his number one supporter and confidant BUT you never hesitate to call him out on his shit. He knows you will always be honest with him and that your love for him knows no bounds. Ben loves you with all of his heart, he would do anything for you. You make Ben a better man, you are the love of his life and his person.

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

Ben knew he was in love with you the moment you started playing with Frankie on the day you first met. Frankie is very protective of Ben and most of the time it takes her a while to warm up to new people. But not with you. She ran straight into your outstretched arms and basically tackled you, licking your face. It’s as if she had known you for years and Ben’s heart melted at the sight of you two.

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

Benny boy is the softest man you have ever known. He is comfortable with himself, his sexuality, and expressing his emotions. He has always been really gentle with you, his strong hands softly caressing the sides of your body when he pulls you close. Ben wants you to feel comfortable, loved, and safe with him at all times.

H = Holding hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

Ben was shocked to feel how naturally cold your hands were in the beginning of your relationship, so he intertwines his warm fingers with yours. Whenever you are both walking through a crowded place, he’ll tighten his grip so that he doesn’t lose you. When you are both in bed reading, his pinky will find yours and link them together.

I = Impression (First impression?)

Ben’s very first impression of you was hearing you laugh. He was walking Frankie at the park and you were sitting on a bench, Skyping your sister, and you were laughing aloud as she was telling you an embarrassing story. To Ben, your laugh literally lit up his world, so he threw a ball in your direction so that Frankie could fetch it. His plan worked because as you turned to look to see if the owner of the cute beagle was near, your eyes met his and you smiled at him. Ben swear that it was love at first sight.

J = Joker (Are they into pulling pranks?)

Oh fam, does Ben have jokes! He’ll pull low key ones around the flat, like hanging mistletoe when it is in the middle of July. “Ben you don’t need mistletoe to kiss me” “I know but now you won’t have an excuse to NOT kiss me, love!”

You got jokes too. One time when you visited him on set, you had the help of the costume ladies in acquiring a fake baby bump. When Ben first saw you, his eyes beamed at you. “Why aren’t you shocked?” “Baby, jokes on you because I want you to be the mother of my children.”

K = Kiss (How do they kiss?)

Ben is both a sensual and soft kisser at the same time. He’ll kiss your temple and cup your cheeks at first, then his hands will move to the back of your neck and you hip to pull you closer to him to that he can deepen the kiss. Morning kisses are the best because he’ll place small pecks starting from your shoulder, to your neck, all over your face, eventually meeting your lips.

L = Love (Who said ‘I love you’ first?)

Ben said I love you first. Albeit, even though he was plastered, he said it first and he meant it. It was about 2 months into your relationship and Ben took you with him to meet up with his BoRhap family at a local pub. You were dancing with Lucy and when you went to find Ben, he was at the bar with the boys taking shots. You went up to stand next to him and just when you were about to ask if he was ok, Drunk Ben goes:

“Wow, you’re pretty” he hiccups, his green eyes scanning your body.

“Thanks, you’re not so bad yourself stud,” You smirk, raising your eyebrows at Rami, Gwil, and Joe.

“What’s your name?” Ben smiles

“Y/N,” you reply

“Wait, that’s my girlfriend’s name!” Ben exclaims, flabbergasted.

“Ben, I am your girlfriend!” You chuckle, the boys are dying laughing right about now.

“You mean to say that I come home to a gorgeous woman like you?!” Ben asks, shocked

“Imma ‘fraid so,” You nod.

“God, I love you!” He happily shouts, pulling you to him, making a scene and dipping your body to give you a kiss. The boys cheered rowdily and this is also the moment when you realized you are in love with Ben.

M = Memory (What’s their favorite memory together?)

When he surprised you for your birthday by taking you on vacation. You literally had just gotten home and you were welcomed by the sight of Ben smiling from ear to ear with your suitcases by his side. You didn’t know the destination until you got there. Yu and Ben spent a week in Bora Bora just catching the sunrays and swimming in the beautiful, teal ocean.

N = No (What’s their pet peeve?)

Ben cannot stand rude and ignorant people that are close minded, as do you. You both also strongly dislike drivers that don’t signal.

O = Orange (What color reminds them of their other half?)

Red, because on the first day you met, you were wearing a red coat and also because that’s your power suit color.

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use? What pet names do you use on them?)

For you: Babygirl, Sweetheart, Love, Honey

For him: Hon, Benny (YOU are the only one allowed to call him this), lover, bubs

Q = Quaint (What is their favorite non-modern thing?)

He loves sending you postcards when he is away for work and you do the same thing too!

R = Romantic (Are they romantic during the relationship?)

Romantic might as well be Ben’s middle name! Ben always starts the day by telling you how beautiful you are and how much he loves you. It’s the little things like taking you out to lunch or even giving you foot massages at the end of the day that make you fall in love with him even more. Ben always wants you to feel loved and will do anything to make sure this happens every.

S = Smile (What makes them smile without fail?)

Seeing you play with Frankie makes him smile, seeing you dance like know one is watching makes him smile, literally anything you do will make Ben smile. When he sees you in your element, talking to passionately about your job and interests, warms his heart.

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

If he is with you, Ben will literally talk about anything. From the most mundane things about how your day went to insightful conversations about culture and race, Ben is very comfortable about talking to you about everything. He learns something new everyday through your conversations, and that makes him appreciate your relationship even more.

U = Unbearable (What habit do they have that’s unbearable? What habit do you have that they find unbearable?)

As perfect as Ben is, on habit of his that you find unbearable is that he still has a smoking habit. He doesn’t smoke as much as he used to, but on the sporadic occasion that he has the urge to light a cigarette, he’ll step outside and take it. You have been very honest at the beginning of your relationship about your dislike of this nasty habit, and Ben really is trying to quit, for real this time.

The only habit of yours that Ben finds unbearable is that you leave your makeup out on the bathroom counter when you are in a rush to get ready. Unbearable isn’t really the right word, but Ben will never admit that he gets secretly turned on when he watches you do your makeup… Jokes on him because you do notice when he is watching you!

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

Ben loves it when you come watch him play rugby with his friends. He prides himself in being physically active, so whenever he has the chance to show off his skills in front of you, he will take it! Ben absolutely gets a kick out of seeing you bit your lip and cross your legs when you watch him out on the field.

W = Wedding (How was the wedding?)

Your wedding is a destination wedding in Spain. The ceremony took place on a cliff during golden hour and you were both surrounded by your families and closest friends. The pure happiness and love provided the ambiance that day and when Ben saw you, in your beautiful white dress, walking down the aisle towards him, the world stopped and he was only focused on you. Happy tears filled his green eyes, as he was overwhelmed with all the emotions. The reception was LIT AF and it literally lasted until the sunrise on the next day. It was absolutely perfect, and you both would not have it any other way.

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)

Everything by Ella Mai ft. John Legend

Y = You (You are the ___to my ___ (e.g. the cookies to my milk, the macaroni to my cheese)

You are the light to my life.

Z = Zzz (How heavy of a sleeper are they? How do they sleep?)

Ben is a deep sleeper and likes to be the little spoon. He loves when you wrap your arms and legs around him and has, on occasion, sleep talked. This usually happens whenever he comes home late at night after wrapping a long shoot. To your amusement, when Ben sleep talks, it’s really fast and incoherent. He will deny that this ever happened, but you have the receipts to prove him wrong!

[marshmallowgoop]

Goop Plays Kill la Kill the Game: IF (Ryuko Episodes 1-4)

I don’t think I have anything really constructive to say.

Episode 1

Well, okay, that’s not true.

My biggest complaint about these episodes—and especially this first one—is that the repeated cutscenes are kind of a drag. I feel like there are definitely ways to make the same events from a different perspective more engaging than this. Much of Ryuko’s episode 1 is literally just the same exact content from Satsuki’s story with absolutely no differences at all.

But that said, I did quite enjoy what was different.

Of course. It’s me.

To avoid going straight to the obvious examples, I still love these stylish opening sequences. The black silhouettes against the red is such a great aesthetic.

And, uh. I definitely inwardly squealed about what Senketsu says in this introduction....

Senketsu: Then... due to fate, or perhaps coincidence... Ryuko acquires Kamui Senketsu. She returns to the academy, but this time, she has an ally...

Yes she does have an ally (sob).

Lol at “or perhaps coincidence,” though. Suuuuure, Senketsu. Sure.

And yeah, I know. It didn’t take me long to get to the obvious examples. What can I say. I love them.

Seriously, fair warning, but practically everything I’m gonna write about this episode—and the following three—is mostly just gushing about these kids. Repeating the cutscenes sure felt tedious, but seeing more dialogue shared between Ryuko and Senketsu made the experience worth it. 

Yes, I am so desperate that any interaction between them is pretty much A++++ for me.

I do have to say that their first conversation is... pretty curious, though. (And I’m not sure how I feel about Senketsu moving all weird when he’s talking, which... didn’t really happen in the anime.)

Ryuko: What’s wrong, Senketsu?

Senketsu: Doesn’t something feel... off?

Ryuko: Nah, I feel great. Better than usual, actually.

Senketsu: Odd. To me, it feels as though time has been... compressed. What’s even more strange is that after all those battles, you’re not even winded.

Ryuko: For a bunch calling themselves the Elite Four, I guess they’re not as big a deal after all.

Senketsu: No. It’s not so much that they’re weak. Perhaps you’re just too strong.

Ryuko: Let’s talk about it later, Senketsu. It’s time to deal with the boss bitch.

First off, it comes up later throughout these episodes, but those with Life Fibers in them seem to sense that something is iffy about time. And that’s actually my second major complaint about these episodes. Everything happens so quickly that nothing really has an impact, and this issue is far more obvious in Ryuko’s story than Satsuki’s because Ryuko arguably has a lot more dramatic events happening all at once: losing to Satsuki, discovering who killed her father and getting Senketsu torn up as a result, beating Nui in battle so badly that she’s convinced she put Nui down for good (which, again, uh), and then repairing Senketsu and agreeing to help Satsuki... I mean, in the anime, stuff like this took more than several episodes to happen, and here, everything goes down in like a half hour.

While I can appreciate that there is seemingly going to be some sort of justification for this breakneck speed—and if I could hazard a guess, I’d say it probably has something to do with Ragyo’s comment about how the world in the game is “distorted”—it’s still kinda sad that so much content is rushed through.

But that said, I wonder why Ryuko doesn’t appear to be affected. She’s also a Life Fiber being, but perhaps her Fibers haven’t been “activated” yet? But then, why is she so powerful?

Lots of “hmms” here.

And for more “hmms,” is Ragyo referring to Senketsu here? Or Ryuko? Or both?

Ragyo: Well, well... It seems when one allows their instincts to guide them, they are led to some amusing surprises. I thought the Primordial Life Fiber was reacting to Junketsu. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

I wonder if Ragyo realizes that Ryuko is her daughter at this point, but I’m gonna say probably not.

Still, curious stuff.

But to get back to Ryuko and Senketsu, I gotta say that it’s pretty amusing that Satsuki’s side of the story didn’t include any awkward pauses as Ryuko talks to Senketsu, lol. I am glad that they are talking and Satsuki just didn’t hear it, though. One of my first complaints was that there wasn’t enough Senketsu action back when Satsuki’s episode 1 footage dropped.

And, oh, Senketsu, you are ever so perceptive. Still sad we don’t get to see Senketsu/Satsuki bonding in the game....

Senketsu: She could have easily ripped me to shreds if she wanted to. So, why didn’t she finish me off when she had the chance?

And last note on this episode, but as much as I love Ryuko and Senketsu, I still want like ten hours of all the characters just talking. Interactions like this crack me the heck up.

Uzu: That Matoi chick’s a tough cookie, all right. But she’s nothing compared to Lady Satsuki.

Nonon: Well, DUH! We don’t need a monkey to tell us that.

Episode 2

Episode 2 is where Ryuko’s story really starts to pick up.

Especially to me. Because a lot of it is just Ryuko and Senketsu talking. Lol.

I don’t really have anything constructive or insightful to say about much of what they talk about, but I definitely have reactions.

Like...

Senketsu: Junketsu is a Kamui just like me. We’re not all that different from one another.

Please don’t say that, Sen. You are very different from Junketsu.

And I love how Ryuko just keeps asking Senketsu what to do in this episode. You really see how much she trusts him as her partner. It is so sweet.

Ryuko: Senketsu. Got any ideas on how to beat her?

Ryuko: Then what should I do?

Well, at least until Ryuko totally ignores his last suggestion there, pfft. Maybe don’t ask if you don’t wanna listen to his answer, Ryuko.

Senketsu: Don’t trust her!

Ryuko: Shut up, Senketsu.

On the subject of Nui, though, the advertising stating that Ryuko “asks Nui to train her” is totally misleading. It’s more like, “Nui taunts Ryuko, and Ryuko is Ryuko, so she doesn’t back down.” Which makes a lot more sense.

I kinda have to have a chuckle at Ryuko’s super blase attitude, though.

Ryuko: Okay, Nui. What do I gotta do to get strong enough to beat Satsuki?

Nui: All you have to do is give up your humanity. There is a chance you’ll die, though. Wanna try it?

Ryuko: Sure. Bring it on.

Senketsu: Ryuko! No!

“Yeah, whatever, I’ll give up my humanity to beat Satsuki.” Oh, Ryuko.

Also, Kill la Kill is basically people going “Ryuko no!” and Ryuko going “Ryuko yes!” and I loved this bit.

Really, there’s just a lot of stuff I loved this episode. Like how Mako is totally not paying attention to any of this...

Or how Nui pulls this giant radio phone thingie from her dress and Ryuko is just like whatever about it omg...

I mean, as much as I would have liked a lot more from this game, this stuff is so charming and lovely that I don’t feel bamboozled or ripped off. After all these years, this is the kinda content I’ve been dying for.

But for a more “insightful” comment, we again get the sense here that there’s something messed up about the timeline. Just like Senketsu, Nui makes note of how strange it is that things are going as quickly as they are.

Episode 3

And aren’t they going quickly! Ryuko and co show up at the Cultural Sports and Grand Festival, and Satsuki has already chopped her mom’s head off. Most of this episode is the same as what happens in Satsuki’s story (but with more Senketsu talking, which I love, of course), so I don’t especially have all that much to say, but I will say that this part got my heart.

Ryuko: Sen... ketsu...!

My kids. I was kinda upset that I didn’t hear Ryuko shout for Senketsu in Satsuki’s story, so needless to say, I was glad to see that she does call for him after all. Even if they haven’t had anywhere near the bonding that they had in the similar point of the anime, she still loves him so much.

Episode 4

I pretty much just have gushing about this episode. Like...

Ryuko: Wait! Senketsu! Where is he?!

Ryuko ain’t got time for hugs! She needs to know her boy is okay!! 

She’s so desperate to find him...

Ryuko: Senketsu?! Senketsu! Where are you?!

And so happy when she sees him again...

Ryuko: You’re alive! Thank God!

And then Mako goes on and talks about how tightly Ryuko was clinging to him...

Mako: You were holding onto Senketsu’s scarf super tight.

Agh. My heart.

Just. Them.

Senketsu: Calm down. You can’t fight her in your current state.

Ryuko: Don’t worry. I’m calm. I’m not gonna go nuts again like last time. Promise.

They are so cute.

And funny.

Senketsu: You just said you’d stay calm and here you are not being calm again!

Pfft.

Anyway, my main criticism for the episode, as noted in my first write-up of the game, is that Ryuko apparently is convinced that she killed Nui (which, honestly, isn’t that clear here?) The fact that she doesn’t seem bothered or affected at all—and the fact that Senketsu doesn’t, either!—totally irks me.

But ey, that Shiro repairs Senketsu is great. I was hoping for Shiro and Senketsu bonding in the game because I think Shiro and Senketsu have similar relationships to Satsuki and Ryuko, respectively, and, you know, I almost kinda got it! I’ll take what I can get!

Buuut I’m a little confused. Didn’t Ragyo take part of Senketsu??? Or did I miss something??

Still, this game is just the most charming. Some of these interactions, I swear.

Like...

Ryuko: What do you think, Senketsu?

Senketsu: I find it too fantastic to believe.

Senketsu, you are talking clothes, and you find something too fantastic to believe? Okay, mate.

And I guess this is the justification for not putting Shiro on the roster (sob)...

Shiro: Please. I don’t “do” combat.

And ow...

Ryuko: Man. Satsuki’s family’s messed up.

And Mako is me, lol.

Mako: Yay, it’s Senketsu!

The story of this game is far from perfect, but jeez. I’m so charmed.

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Showa Genroku 5 – 13, 15 | Classicaloid 14 | Masamune-kun’s Revenge 2 | Osomatsu-san 16

(ep 5)

You can hear the sarcasm in his (Sukeroku’s) voice, even with only subs. Actually, both Kiku and Sukeroku have their sarcastic moments.

How does the charcoal not burn the cushion?

You can clearly tell she’s got him wrapped around her little finger. Pretty ambitious, in those times.

Apparently injured legs can feel when rain is coming…that sort of thing.

In an age without phones, there’s more need for socialisation.

Basically, this is the equivalent to a high school or uni play. Low budget as ever.

Tanuki…well, they’re pranksters. Of course.

It seems pretty sexist in this day and age, but back then…welp. Let’s not complain about comparisons between some so-called “good ol’ days” and the present.

(ep 6)

“I don’t need lectures from a bum like you.” – Especially a drunk bum…

Even if it’s selfish to take something because of the thrill…I do kinda miss my days of scanlation. It’s hard to get a thrill like the one I got when I did that. Heh heh. Well, 2017’s going to be another intense year filled with Japanese, because even though I’ve shifted my education once more, I stuck Japanese in there again.

The texture on the smoking pot is quite something. Huh.

That’s a biiiiiiig cicada…

Hey, a Yotaro. Is that Daiku Shirabe Yakumo 7th’s doing?

Miyokichi says “gokigenyou”. I have enough lip reading skills to detect that, at least.

Who wrote the signs at the rakugo stage? I wonder…

(ep 7)

There always seem to be more women during Kiku’s performances.

The humour in this is a bit slapstick, but that’s why Charlie Chaplin is a household name now, right?

How many Es are in Tennessee, anyway? I never kept count…4? Okay then.

The ear picker is a sign of romance and intimacy. In Japan, anyway.

Extra “that” in the subs.

“Master Bonsai” sounds like such a cliché.

The “slice of eye” technique is just so effective. I’m lucky I’m not a film school student, or else I wouldn’t be eloquent enough.

A two futatsume show wouldn’t sell. Didn’t you say that a few episodes ago, Sukeroku?

(ep 8)

The master’s (Bonsai’s) fanning himself so much, it must be summer.

You need to win favours for a shinuchi promo…hmph. Better note that on the wiki.

Come to think of it, this was the age of letters, wasn’t it? Sukeroku’s right.

The Sukeroku and Miyokichi scene is so powerful, you can’t look away from it.

Drinks solve everything for these guys…sheesh.

Sometimes antagonising Kiku ain’t the answer, Sukeroku.

Without Sukeroku, kiku just kept clinging on to his part…huh. This part suddenly made a lot more sense, now that ep 14’s clarified Yotaro’s purpose.

The thing about this show is that it’s quite the acquired taste – you come for the humour, stay for the drama…or something along those lines. I spotted Sukeroku’s name on the very right, by the way.

(ep 9)

The dressing room is the “comfort room” in Japanese.

Of course Kiku wouldn’t be Sukeroku’s partner in crime for something like pissing the masters off…

I think it was “Edo flair”, subbers, but it was kinda hard to notice…

With those tired eyes, Kiku looks like Jean Otus (of ACCA).

These foreboding shots of light on water…hmph.

Note Amano’s got a fan that says “Japan one” literally, but whether it implies he’s number one in Japan or something else is number one in Japan is entirely up to debate.

There was a typo in the subs, but since the erroneous part was “While her husband it out…”, unless the actual word is “is”...I dunno what the correct word is.

The angles in this show are part of the personality. However, as Hand Shakers tells us, too much of a good thing can spoil it. Good thing this toes the line properly.

“Storyteller” is the appropriate equivalent for rakugoka, but “storyteller” doesn’t seem to do a story about rakugo justice. You need the jargon to make the world come alive, I feel.

You can tell Haruko Kumota used to be a BL author before from the way Sukeroku and Kiku act and react in that end scene of the ep.

(ep 10)

The cat…and the box-in technique from Erased. Letting go…is a theme in this show. Didn’t I say that already?

The kanji for “7th generation” was pretty nasty in regards to stroke count. No wonder they simplified it.

Shinigami. Of course he’d unleash that on the audience. Watching again has allowed me to really study Kiku as a person.

I wonder, are there full texts for these rakugo stories somewhere (like those books the apprentices memorise from)? I’d like to read them all someday, even if it’s just a testament to how much Japanese I’ve learnt.

In a world full of filial piety, the man really shouldn’t piss off his ancestors.

With that hat, Kiku looks like something out of Joker Game. Plus, even though the old person says “these days they have their televisions”, nowadays it’s “these days they have their phones and their internet” (in a spot of irony for me, LOL). In the end, technology will be too good for rakugo…and that’s what makes this show all the more interesting for me. Me, who wants to understand the past but still advance to the future.

For bad pun central, stop right here. The English “equivalents” to some of these Japanese puns really are kinda corny, and that’s saying something…since I’ve been looking at joke books since I was a kid.

How old is “old”, old man? If Konatsu’s calling you old, the internet is old.

(ep 11)

On the wall near Kiku are the signs “beer” and “tsukimi soba” (moon viewing soba). There’s another one past the one with a woman on it, but I can’t really make it out.

Oh, it’s the sign! Unfortunately I don’t know the second kanji, so I can’t tell you what it says.

This scene with the bag always makes me laugh. Every time, I tell you.

Konatsu’s got dango in her mouth. How do I explain dango…they’re sticky. Kinda like mochi. Never had them myself though.

I think ep 11 really shows how far Kiku’s come as a rakugoka.

(ep 12)

The word used for “inn” is ryokan. People tend to translate that as “(traditional) Japanese inn” in order to contrast with “hotel” and such.

The “chopsticks over the edge of the balcony” scene…now that I think of it, that is some heavy foreshadowing.

Is there a man who doesn’t like women? Probably.

Is it possible to make art using the spirit (behind it) alone?

Shibahama. Of course. Also, I’d never heard the term “a total lush” until this episode, I don’t think.

If only Sukeroku were like Kuma…haha. (sad tone)

I never thought about it until TV Tropes brought it up, but Miyokichi really is yandere.

When a grown man is driven to tears…you know stuff’s gone down.

Hey, there was no OP or ED on the ep now, was there?

(ep 13) [Trigger warnings: death, hell, political commentary etc..]

What is “inter[ring] the ashes”?

The world has had some horrors to get globalised like it is today…unfortunately, there’s nothing we can do about it.

You put an end to oral traditions by not having anyone to pass them on…that’s the scary part of this show. Also, all the boxing in looks like Yakumo’s going to hang himself, and that’s the point. Which is even scarier.

I think this show’s only gone off model once.

Enma being the king of hell.

In English, Konatsu’s words are even more deceiving in regards to her “drink”.

Yotaro does the “bwong” bit more fast and lively than Yakumo.

Such a rebellious spirit (Konatsu) wouldn’t be right, tied down by marriage.

Oh yeah…I forgot they announced the “Rakugo Association President” thing in this ep.

“Lately all we hear about is deaths…” – Basically 2016 for the wider entertainment world. (Then came Trump. Aye carumba, what is the world coming to?)

Wait, do you want to shake Yotaro or the man who impregnated Konatsu?

I wonder how the reality of the Sukeroku scene played out…maybe it demonstrates his senility, interpreted one way.

Lilies, chrysanthemums and daisies…white is the symbol of death in Japan. (The chrysanthemums are yellow but the theme is the same.)

(ep 15)

Fresh new ep…well, I’ve been keeping this one since it first rolled out to the public, so it’s not entirely fresh. However, this is as fresh as it’ll get in regards to how the simulcast commentary goes.

Urk, why must CR be so insistent with turning “Descending Stories” into the title? It’s hardly convenient.

Imawa no Shinigami…I saw the video on ANN. It’s a nice song, but hard to put on repeat because the visuals are so good.

Whoa, even I can tell how fast Yota’s motormouthing, and I’m not even listening to it!

“Fussing to the shamisen”? What’s that?

She (Konatsu) clearly mouthed “papa”, and I think that word goes across multiple languages.

Huh. There’s no identifying name on this story, and it seems so crucial. That’s why I asked for a full guide of them (like the books that you sometimes see Kiku practising out of).

You can tell what books I’ve studied and the random things I’ve picked up from the quotes I can spout at a moment’s notice. For example: “…full of sound and fury, signifying nothing…”

Amaken’s eyes are funny while he gripes about the shinuchi’s role.

Who is this glasses guy? I can’t read the kanji…

Kappore. It’s something like this, anyway.

Was that a non-language-barrier pun? (About how the story suddenly switched to being about women in Yoshiwara.)

He’s (Yotaro’s) motormouthing again…

Higuchi really is a spanner in the works for Yakumo, eh? Especially because it turns out he’s the one who begged Yakumo for work the day 7th Yakumo collapsed. Karma’s such a pain in the butt, isn’t it?

Oh no! I-If Kiku dies next ep…where will the story be? Surely, we have Yotaro/Sukeroku and the Yakumo legacy, Konatsu and Higuchi, but I’ve learnt from the SGRS discord that Kikuhiko really is the glue of this work and this fandom. Don’t let him die or else we’ll all have a real funeral service for him…(well, maybe not that extreme, but people will be in real mourning due to a fictional character…and that’s bad.)

(Classicaloid 14)

I’ve seen from all the “best of 2016 anime” posts that Classicaloid’s gotten on to a lot of critical reviewers’ lists, but looking at my top 10, it didn’t make it. (If you’re wondering, it’s currently in spot 12 and since it’s a 2016 list, it won’t move up from there.) As for 2017, it’s currently in 4th place, but it’s likely to get debunked by later anime (Inuyashiki for one, since I’ve heard about it…if I hear about its source material while it’s still a manga, then its anime has a lot of promise!).

Beethes? On love? That’s new.

A capriccio is “following one’s fancy” according to Google-sensei, while I already knew poco a poco to be “little by little”.

Not all those foods Kanae listed are Russian, right? Pirozhki I know is Russian via YoI, but stroganoff clearly is not. To confirm my suspicions, I asked Google-sensei about gazpacho and that’s Spanish.

Gorbacho…? I might need to check that one over, but Sensei has nothing on it.

Those gyoza buddies have already appeared twice in this ep (excluding the OP) and both were in Kanae’s vicinity.

The foods listed are just local specialties of the area. Okonomiyaki is quite known as an Osakan one, that’s why.

They teach kids how to make vodka in this show…that’s slightly horrifying…Please don’t try making vodka at home, kids.

The birds…are so adorable! Ahh!

“Madol” appears to be a squashing together of “mad idol”.

This is actually very enlightening. At least from Bada’s perspective.

It’s not even the usual credits. It looks like karaoke…and that’s the entire point. There’s even lyrics!

(Masamune-kun 2)

The problem with Kirito-face (Masamune) is that he keeps going over his problems day by day, as if he can’t live without focussing on his revenge. Unfortunately, that’s the point of the show. I know it can do better than that! Plus, Heike Monogatari.

BL sandwich?

Okay, I’m definitely out of here. Ew. Fanservice without any particular reasoning is the worst.

(…but why did I leave the video long enough to find out that Makabe doesn’t even look adorable when stuttering? Yet another reason to leave.)

(Osomatsu-san ep 16)

The one episode I really liked (aside from the feels-getters), aka The Mad Max Parody…I think.

Manekineko behind the interview.

Apparently, Matsuno Matsunan can be read as “Matsuno Makkusu”, but the subs never explained that now, did they?

LOL, Iyami’s too visual kei in this.

Matsu in that case meaning “end”, but…you know…Matsu of the century…

The innuendo…it’s slghtly grating the second time ‘round, but it made me laugh the first time.

Welp, from that one segment, you basically learn how to make a successful non-Gintama…well, success…in Japan.

Highly relatable, but painful due to it being relatable.

Why is the Karamatsu!Ichimatsu not a meme like the Todomatsu face?

Matsu-cest…squick. Why do people ship that?

Technically, only fans of Karamatsu are Karamatsu girls…or boys.

Why is this second face not as memeful as the first?

With a series like this, you really have to be careful that it’s funny every time…because it’s only one third as funny the second time around, at least for this episode.

[theancientdoomabyss]

What does it mean to be punk?

Just a thought sparked from some funny post I saw earlier that @speciesofleastconcern reblogged (I reblogged it, it's down there somewhere)...

...by definition, if you're not a rebel, you're not punk. If you're not a rebel, that means you're a conformist, and everyone knows that the first rule of being punk is to not conform. I will also go as far as to say that dressing "classically punk", is not punk. If you dress like a punk did in the 70's and 80's and you're indistinguishable from all the other "punks", you are what I call a cookie-cutter punk, and you're confirming to old punk ideals, which means you aren't being very punk.

I'm almost 34 now, but I can tell you that I've always been a real punk and will share a little anecdotal story with you to demonstrate.

I live in a fairly small town, but when I was in highschool there definitely were cliques, and of course there was the "punk clique". Me personally, I liked to hop around to several different groups/cliques and didn't just stick to one (granted there were definitely also the ones I stayed away from, like the clique of popular kids or the jocks), and also hopped to several different small groups of friends, spent time one-on-one with certain people, and also just spent time alone... but I did spend quite a bit of time with the punk clique that mostly consisted of people who spent basically ALL of their time with the punk clique (of course there were exceptions and fellow punks that didn't conform to various degrees). That in itself was very punk of me. One of the punks that I spent time associating with happened to be one if those people that I considered a cookie-cutter punk, moreso than many of the other punks, and he was the center of attention much of the time in the punk group, close to something like a ringleader of the group. This teenager had somehow acquired the nickname "Opie".

Now Opie, like I said, was a cookie cutter punk. If you think of the stereotypical look of a punk rocker in your head, that's what Opie looked like (now keep in mind, this was around the year 2000). He had the spiked dyed mohawk that he kept in place with Elmer's glue and used red Kool-Aid to dye it, had eyebrow and nose peircings, he wore Doc Martens like all the other kids in the punk group, a leather jacket with studs & spikes and patches of all the popular punk rock bands like Rancid and The Dead Kennedys attached to his coat and army green cargo shorts with safety pins. I'll never forget, The Dead Kennedys was his favorite band. Me personally, as a teen, I never liked DK because they were too political for me at the time (I considered myself an anarchist back then) and I thought Jello Biafra had a horribly annoying singing voice, and still do... but, I digress... I'm telling you, this guy was the biggest cookie cutter punk of them all. Not to mention, he was a giant asshole, even to his friends (and that's not very punk rock).

Now, myself, I didn't have a mohawk, in fact my haircut sucked because I never knew what to do with my hair, but what I did do was dye it black most of the time and occasionally purple. I always wore a trenchcoat (because this was directly after the Columbine massacre and I loved being an edgelord then more than any point in my life), originally a green one (I switched to a blue one later). I don't remember but I probably had standard sneakers (probably because I couldn't afford boots, but when I got boots later in life, my brand of choice was Grinders), and I was and still am a jeans kinda guy (probably blue then but I always prefer black now). For a time, I pushed my edgelord boundaries and pinned a giant upside down American flag on my back, but it didn't last too long because I was getting a little TOO much negative attention for that. As for my band patches all over by coat? From what I can remember, I had a big Misfits patch (that I was particularly proud of) on my arm with a green crimson ghost skull, a Rage Against The Machine patch, an Earth Crisis patch, a patch for The Prodigy... my musical taste I was showing off for people to see wasn't even mostly punk rock, it ran the gamut. These things helped make me an outcast even within the punk group that I so wanted to be accepted in.

I'll also never forget, one night when myself and this punk group were loitering downtown, I was having a discussion with Opie and this other kid. Well, it was more like, Opie was giving a lecture to us, more like a sermon. A sermon on NON-CONFORMITY! Opie was ranting and raving, and going on and on about how important it was to be a non-conformist... and even back then, I stood back and looked at the big picture. I looked at him and noticed how ironic it was that the biggest cookie-cutter punk conformist of us all was lecturing me and the others on how important it was not to conform and how that's what is to be punk. Then I looked at myself and all the other kids in the group and thought "Shit, I'M the biggest non-conformist and the truest punk in this entire school and probably the entire city!" ...and to this day, I still think that, and I still feel like I stick to the true ethos of being a punk more than most people calling themselves punk, and it really kinda did and still does make me a little sad... like, so many of these people just don't practice what they preach.

The entire point of this post and the topic of being a real punk is best encapsulated, I think, in one of my favorite songs by the singer-songwriter and ex Misfits frontman Michale Graves entitled "Punk Rock Is Dead", which I have posted for your listening enjoyment.

Stay true, be yourself, and reject society's standards, even if it's a society of punks, and even if it alienates you from every single last person on Earth. That's punk rock, and that's what being punk is all about.

[veritas316]

Bullets and Bandages

Good morning everyone. This is my first story containing the beloved characters we know as the Musketeers. The are not mine, unfortunately. I am just borrowing them from the BBC. This is a modern AU where our boys meet each other for the first time while serving in the Military. This is only the first chapter. If y'all like it, and I get enough requests for another chapter I will definitely post more. ____________________________________________ The sound of the alarm going off for the millionth time reminded him he had to be at roll call in 15 minutes. He closed his eyes and wished not for the last time that he had chosen a different profession.

He laughed to himself as he finally got out of bed and stretched his muscles. He had always wanted to become a priest, but after he discovered the opposite sex he didn’t think joining the church would be a good idea.

He grabbed his watch to check the time, 0500 Great, the Sergeant was going to be here in ten minutes, and he hadn’t even shaved yet.

He grabbed his pillow and tossed it at his bunk mate. “Hey, Porthos! Wake up mon ami; we have roll call in ten minutes”. Porthos sat straight up and looked at his watch, swearing under his breath. He turned and shot Aramis a withering glare,

“Why didn’t you wake me earlier ya bloody idiot! We barely have time to get ready for inspection!”

“Relax Porthos, my friend,” Aramis replied, “I know how to get us out of trash duty this time”.

“Uh huh, that’s what you said last time Mis, we had trash duty for a week.” Porthos replied with a growl.

“Well, this time will be different my friend, because I have some rather interesting information about our dear Sergeant that I’m sure he won’t want to get out.”

“interesting information, Porthos mumbled, how may I ask did you acquire this information Aramis?”

“Well,” Aramis grinned, if you must know I got this information from his wife.“

“ARE YOU CRAZY!” Porthos screamed, “You’re sleeping with the Sergeant’s wife?!”

“Well, the sergeant doesn’t have to know WHERE I got the information,” Aramis replied with a sly smile.

“Well, don’t tell me what this information is, I don’t want to be caught up in your web of lies,” Porthos said with a sigh. Porthos moved to get out of bed as the barracks door screeched open and their sergeant entered with his trademark scowl and bad temper, “Alright, ladies, bedtime is over!” At the sound of their Sergeant entering the room, Porthos, in a hurry to get out of bed, got tangled up in his sheets. He ended up in a crumpled mess on the floor, with Aramis doubled over in laughter.

At the sound of Aramis’ laughter, the sergeant marched over to stand in front of the two men, “What’s so funny gentlemen? Are you laughing at the fact that both of you are neither dressed, or shaved this morning?”

“No sir!” Aramis replied, with a twinkle in his eye, “I’m laughing at the fact that we’re not doing trash duty ever again.”

The sergeant crossed his arms and laughed, “Oh? How do you figure that corporal?”

“It’s easy sir,” Aramis replied with a grin, “all I have to say is one word.”

The sergeant laughed, “Oh yeah? And what word is that?”

“Mulligans” Aramis said, with a smirk on his lips.

The sergeant’s face went pale, the expression on his face turned from a glare to a look of panic.

“You’re not gonna tell my wife, or the captain, are you?” The sergeant asked, a hopeful tone in his voice.

“Well, I suppose I could be persuaded to keep this very important secret if Porthos and I say, never have to do trash duty, or KP again,” Aramis said with an innocent smile. The Sergeant’s face turned beet red. “Is that all?” he replied.

“For now, unless I think of more later,” Aramis replied. The sergeant turned on his heel and left the barracks, slamming the door behind him.

“You know that’s gonna come back to bite you in the ass, don’t ya?” Porthos replied.

“Not if we play our cards right, my friend,” Aramis laughed.

“I gotta know now Mis, what kinda dirt did ya dig up on the sergeant?”

“Well,” Aramis replied, “as you know I am well acquainted with the sergeant’s wife.”

“Yeah yeah,” Porthos moaned.

“Well,” Aramis continued, “She’s known for a while now that our dear Sergeant has been cheating on her with the employees who work at Mulligans. And Mulligans, as I’m sure you know, is a rather seedy Gentleman’s Club. Anyway, the sergeant doesn’t know his wife knows, and she was kind enough to impart to me this important information.”

Porthos sighed and hung his head, “You’re gonna get us both killed some day with your shenanigans Mis.”

Aramis laughed as he reached down to grab his boots hidden beneath his bed, “Don’t worry my friend, I have the whole situation under control. Now hurry up, we’re going to be late for muster.”

Aramis and Porthos were the last to arrive. As they got into position the Sergeant started calling out the names of the men in the unit while glaring at Aramis. Porthos leaned over and whispered into Aramis’ ear, “Do you see the look on his face? You better steer clear of him for a few days Mis.”

“Don’t worry my friend,” Aramis replied with a laugh, “Like I said, I have the whole thing under control.”

Porthos huffed under his breath and turned back to face the front.

As the Sergeant finished roll call, his face turned into a serious frown. He looked down at his feet and took a deep breath before facing his men. “Gentlemen, I heard from command this morning that our unit has been called to active duty. We’re being sent to Afghanistan to aid the humanitarian efforts, and to give the guys over there some relief,” he stated grimly. A hush fell over the unit, each of them lost in thought, wondering if this was the last time they would see their families again. Aramis and Porthos glanced at each other silently, both knowing, they would always look out for each other, no matter what.

The soldiers were wrenched from their thoughts by the commanding voice of their Sergeant, “We ship out in three days men!” The Sergeant turned on his heel and looked over his shoulder. “One more thing,” he stated, “You’re all meeting your new Lieutenant tomorrow at muster. So, I suggest you all be on time!” He glared at Porthos and Aramis as he said the last sentence. With that, he turned to leave.

As the unit started to disperse, Aramis and Porthos headed for the mess hall, hoping their favorite cook was on duty this morning. Serge, an old Army vet, who never failed to regale Aramis and Porthos with his wild exploits from his time serving in Vietnam. Serge was also the base gossip. He knew anyone and anything that was going on at the base, and hopefully, Aramis thought to himself, He would know the identity of their new Lieutenant.

As they entered the mess hall, they were happy to see Serge standing behind the counter. Serge saw them come in and grabbed two trays from behind the counter and placed one in front of each man as he sat down in a chair at the head of the table. “Well, what say you, boys? How’s the day treating you?” Serge asked with a smile.

“Great, now that I have my breakfast” Porthos replied as he dug into the meal in front of him. Aramis laughed and patted Porthos on the shoulder.

“Forgive him, Serge, he’s not himself until he has his morning meal,” Aramis said with a laugh. Porthos gave Aramis a dirty look but returned to his breakfast. Aramis took a drink of his coffee and turned to look at Serge with a playful smile on his lips.

“My dear Serge,” Aramis cooed, “I was wondering if you could give us any information on the new Lieutenant we’ll be meeting tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Porthos replied with his mouth still full of breakfast, “What have you heard?”

“To be honest, Serge replied. Not much”. “All I know is his name, and that he graduated top of his class at West Point.” I only found out that bit from eavesdropping on the captain.“

"Really?” Aramis asked with a look of surprise on his face. “You usually have way more info than that Serge.”

“Yeah”, Porthos replied. Wiping his mouth on his sleeve, and pushing his now empty tray towards the center of the table.

“Hey now boys, I tried”, Serge stated. “If there is anything on him, it must be good, cause his record is sealed up tighter than Fort Knocks”.

“To be honest,” Serge replied, “Not much. All I know is his name, and that he graduated top of his class at West Point. I only found out that bit from eavesdropping on the captain.”

“Really?” Aramis asked with a look of surprise on his face, “You usually have way more info than that Serge.”

“Yeah,” Porthos replied, wiping his mouth on his sleeve and pushing his now empty tray towards the center of the table

“Hey now boys, I tried,” Serge stated, “If there is anything on him, it must be good, cause his record is sealed up tighter than Fort Knocks.”

Aramis rubbed his chin and stared off into space. “Interesting,” he replied. Refocusing his gaze on Serge he asked, “Well, what is his name then?”

“Olivier, I think,” Serge replied, “Yeah, that’s it. Olivier d'Athos, that’s his name. But everyone just calls him Athos,” the cook replied. Aramis and Porthos looked at each other, then back at the old cook.

“Are you sure that’s all you have?” Aramis asked, “You’re not giving me much to go on.”

“Sorry boy, that’s all I got, guess you’ll have to find out tomorrow like the rest of the men.”

Aramis shrunk back in his seat with an annoyed huff. Porthos laughed and slapped him on the shoulder. “Poor Mis”, he laughed, “Not used to disappointment are ya?” Aramis shot Porthos a withering glare then went back to staring off into space. “Athos”, he whispered under his breath, “Who are you?”