#Valois Family

[12freddofrogs]

Post-canon oneshot; gen; a family discussion which does not end with any assassinations, which is potentially a new record

Tarvek dropped the pile of papers on top of Martellus’ desk, picking up the ink pot in the same gesture to avoid it spilling.

Martellus’s quill (because of course the man still used an actual feather quill; he was too theatrical to be practical and Tarvek couldn’t even mock him for it because Martellus absolutely knew about Tarvek’s own collection) paused in midair where he had been in the middle of working. “Good morning, cousin.”

“Good morning.”

“And what’s this?” Martellus took his ink pot back to rest his quill in it.

“You tell me.”

Martellus picked up the first page, flipped through the second, and then rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so suspicious.”

“I don’t know whether I’m more offended you thought a fake wall with such an obvious trigger was enough to keep it hidden, or that your newest plan to assassinate me involved framing Cousin Elias.”

“That shelf isn’t where I keep any actual secrets; it’s just meant to be a convenient place to keep things in reach.”

“Right, the real secret desk is attached to the third storeroom on the second level, with the switch at the eighth brick to the left.” Tarvek waved his hand dismissively, and was pleased to note the flicker of annoyance in Martellus’ face. Good. “That’s not my point. Elias is an idiot.”

“Which is why he makes an excellent scapegoat.”

“Hardly a believable one.”

“It’s not like I would want to sacrifice Uncle Kurt to the Heterodyne’s vengeance.” Martellus rolled his eyes and started rearranging his papers back into order. “I’m not currently planning to have you assassinated.”

Tarvek raised an eyebrow and gestured at the papers.

The thing was, Tarvek had willingly walked into the Refuge of Storms. He and Martellus needed to make some normal, ordinary negotiations about the current treaties, and Tarvek had agreed to go visit.  Martellus hadn’t actually tried anything in the year since they broke the time stop over Mechanicsburg, and although there had been the usual stream of assassins Tarvek was reasonably sure none had been from this specific cousin. They were almost getting along.

Well, the wine at dinner last night had been drugged, but to be fair Tarvek had also mixed his own poison into Martellus’s slice of an actually delightful cake. It would have been almost ruder not to have at least one poisoning. Neither had been a serious attempt.

Martellus sighed. “I’m concerned that you might have an actual accident one day.”

“Were you thinking an experiment gone wrong or perhaps a slip and fall down the stairs?”

“Either. Any. I’m not being euphemistic; I mean accident.”

Tarvek frowned. “What?”

“They happen sometimes.” Martellus spread his hands in exasperation. “Have you ever actually looked into Aunt Cathrin’s death?”

“Why bother? That was clearly Natalia’s —” Tarvek trailed off as he realised what Martellus was implying. “You can’t be serious.”

“I am.”

“You think her carriage genuinely just—”

“It has been known to happen.”

“But Natalia—”

“Genuinely mourned her.”

“You can mourn someone and still have them killed!” Tarvek protested. “She had the most to gain!”

“Firstly, the fact that someone else gained more doesn’t mean that the person with the second-most to gain couldn’t have done it,” Martellus said, infuriatingly condescending. “Or third, or just a petty grudge.”

“That I’ll concede, but—”

“And secondly, sometimes the carriage wheels are genuinely made badly, and a driver just happens to hit a pot hole at an unfortunate angle.”

It was indeed possible, but Tarvek was having trouble – although, Natalia had seemed genuinely distraught, and he remembered thinking at the time that he’d never considered her a good actress. Maybe he should send her a box of chocolates or something.

“But thank you for demonstrating my point so clearly.” Martellus tapped at the paper. “In our family honest accidents, as rare as they are, are not actually believed.”

“So you decided to frame my hypothetical, accidental death on Elias in order to—” Tarvek left the question open.

“I’m concerned that if you were to fall down the steps tomorrow, the Lady Heterodyne would methodically go through the family, one by one, removing organs and testing creative death rays, until she found someone she believed the culprit. And, unfortunately, I would be the top of the list.”

“Don’t be silly, cousin. It’s Wulfenbach who keeps torturers on his payroll, and unlike Agatha, his rooms remain in perfect working order,” Tarvek said, as if Agatha’s dungeons were not kept well prepared at all times. It wasn’t like she wanted it.

Martellus shook his head. “I’m sure between the two of them they would very successfully wipe out the entire Valois line.”

“Unlikely. Agatha likes Violetta.”

Martellus wrinkled his nose, probably irritated at the image of Violetta as the last surviving heir of the Storm King. Violetta would probably stab him for that, as if she also wouldn’t be horrified at the idea. Tarvek had once offered to help her figure out where she was in the line of inheritance, and she punched him enough times he’d burnt the calculations he’d already finished. Somewhere in the seven hundreds, although he hadn’t added the new children born since then.

The whole concept was amusing, but unrealistic. Despite everything Martellus had been around for, he’d never actually gotten to know Agatha – or maybe he understood she believed in justice, but Martellus himself didn’t fully understand what justice meant. If Tarvek died tomorrow, Agatha and Gil probably would go on a rampage to find who did it, but they wouldn’t kill anyone without proof.

He could explain that to Martellus, but Martellus having a vested interest in Tarvek staying alive was so much more useful.

“Don’t frame Elias. Aunt Henriette is a far more realistic choice.”

“Aunt Henriette has the subtlety of a rampaging construct with rayguns for arms; how is that more realistic?”

“Or, currently, the Countess of Mount Peuckert.”

“You can’t use this as an excuse to have your enemies dealt with post-mortem.”

“Why not? By definition my current enemies are the most likely to have me assassinated.” Tarvek smiled, mostly because he knew it would annoy Martellus, and turned to leave. “And I already sent a message to Agatha that you were planning to assassinate me and frame Cousin Elias, so I doubt he’s that believable anymore.”

“What?” Martellus stood up abruptly, barely catching his ink pot before it fell.

Tarvek plucked the quill from the desk for absolutely no reason other than Martellus couldn’t stop him. “I’ll go send her an update, shall I?”

“Yes. Now. Do that.”

Tarvek raised an eyebrow.

Martellus scowled. “Please.”

“Since you asked nicely.”

Martellus waited for Tarvek to leave the room before slamming his head against the back wall.

Tarvek, paused outside the door as was his usual habit, had to bite back the urge to laugh.

He really did need to write that letter. The Refuge of Storms was close to Mechanicsburg, and it would take no time at all for a horde of Jägermonsters to arrive. Tempting as it was to let them get close enough for Martellus to see, that seemed more likely to terrify the castle staff.  Not to mention it would waste Agatha’s time.

Although it was nice to consider that next time Martellus started testing the boundaries or generally being obnoxious, Tarvek merely needed to fake his own death. He’d tell Agatha and Gil first, of course, they’d never forgive him if he didn’t, but they would love the chance to act the avenger. Martellus would realise it soon enough, but the lie didn’t need to last to give Martellus nightmares. If Tarvek planned it well enough, he could probably get one of his spies in the same room when Martellus heard the rumour to get a picture. Maybe come up with some excuse for it to be Violetta, she deserved it. Though she might prefer to stay with Agatha so she could help with the potential threatening. Tarvek could workshop it later.

[unabashedqueenfury]

Reign/The Borgias

Dentro al mio petto è una candela accesa,

Di dentro brucia e di fuori non pare.

Se c'è qualcun che abbia provato amore,

Abbia pietà del mio 'nfiammato core...

(Giuseppe Tigri, Canti Popolari Toscani, Amore Sfortunato, 1856)

[catherinetheprincessofwales]

The 5 Queen consorts of the British Monarchy named Catherine; 1. Catherine of Valois (1401-1437): Consort of Henry V of England during the 15th century. 2. Catherine of Aragon (1485-1536): First wife of Henry VIII and queen consort of England during the early 16th century. 3. Catherine Howard (c. 1523-1542): Fifth wife of Henry VIII, queen consort of England in the early 16th century. 4. Katharine Parr (1512-1548): Sixth and final wife of Henry VIII, queen consort of England in the mid-16th century. 5. Catherine of Braganza (1638-1705): Consort of Charles II of England during the 17th century.

[frary-us]

I’m so grateful to Fr Conventions for sharing this wonderful video of Toby Regbo’s panel at Dream It Fest Paris from March 25, 2023. Toby is always so entertaining, enthusiastic & funny!😍😂 His heartfelt memories of his “families” from Reign & TLK, and his eagerness & awe to maybe once again portray Dumbledore, with a project about Grindeldore in the amazing Harry Potter movies, were especially nice to hear.🤗👑⚔️🧙🙌  Can’t wait to see talented  Regbo as a doctor & priest in his next two projects.🎭🎬👍

[fideidefenswhore]

was reading the list of excommunications up to the 16th cent the other night and:

Philip first married Bertha of Holland in 1072.[5] Although the marriage produced the necessary heir, Philip fell in love with Bertrade de Montfort, the wife of Fulk IV, Count of Anjou. He repudiated Bertha (claiming she was too fat) and married Bertrade on 15 May 1092.[6] In 1094 following the synod of Autun, he was excommunicated by the papal representative, Hugh of Die, for the first time;[7] after a long silence, Pope Urban II repeated the excommunication at the Council of Clermont in November 1095.

funny to me for a number of reasons, given that 1) this is how many discuss henry viii and the GM, even tho this is not what happened, at all, 2) just like...idk. like, i get it, his first wife has had her life adapted and dramatized so much more than this woman, that's why people have more of an emotional connection to her, but she is hardly the only woman to have been repudiated by her royal husband in history, preceding and after, and she's spoken of as if she was.

[ignorethisrandom]

Hercule de Valois

Hercule Valois, aka Francois Duke of Anjou and Alencon, would like to challenge (former) Prince Harry to a literary duel.

If Anjou could write a memoir about his life as the “spare” brother, it would be far more entertaining than Harry’s “Spare.” 

Elizabeth II seems a much nicer grandmother than Catherine de Medici was a mother to her youngest two children. 

{Megan and Harry fans, please disregard this post, this post is for people who know a lot about the Valois family and Catherine de Medici’s children. I don’t know (or care) enough about Megan and Harry to have an opinion on them. I do, however, love to learn about 16th century royal scandals.} 

[royalty-nobility]

Portrait of Charlotte of France

Artist: Jean Clouet (French, 1480–1541)

Date: c. 1522

Medium: Oil on Cradled Panel

Collection: Minneapolis Institute of Art, Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States

Depicted People:

Charlotte of Valois 

DESCRIPTION

Princess Charlotte was the daughter of King Francis I of France, whose court was an international center for the arts. Her rich clothing and jeweled cap show her high status. Her rosary indicates that she was a devout Catholic. She was about seven years old at the time of this portrait, and she died at the age of eight. European royal families commissioned portraits of their children to record their development and often exchanged these pictures with other royal houses as a diplomatic gesture.

[readingloveswounds]

From the Paix de Longjumeau, Edit de Paris (1568), Article 5

Et affin qu’il ne soyt doubté de la droicte intention de nostred. cousin le prince de Condé, avons dict et declairé, disons et declairons que nous tenons et reputons icelluy nostred. cousin pour nostre bon parent, fidelle subject et serviteur, comme de mesmes nous tenons tous les seigneurs, chevaliers, gentilzhommes et autres habitans des villes, communaultez, bourgades et autres lieux de nostred. royaume, pays et obeïssance qui l’ont suivy, secouru et accompaigné en ceste presente guerre et durant ces tumultes, en quelque part que ce soyt de ced. royaume, pour noz bons et loyaulx subjectz et serviteurs.

English:

And so that there are no doubts concerning the status of our aforementioned cousin the Prince of Condé, we have said and declared, we say and declare that we hold and repute this one our aforementioned cousin for our good family member, loyal subject and servant, as in the same way we hold all lords, knights, minor nobles, and other inhabitants of cities, communities, villages and other places of our aforementioned kingdom, country and obedience who followed, helped, and aided in this present war and during these troubles, in whatever part of the aforementioned kingdom may be, for our good and loyal subjects and servants

The translation is lazy but there's just something so clenches fist about the way one restitutes first a 'cousin' (Condé and Charles IX were indeed very vaguely related) and then a citizenry after a civil war.

[une-sanz-pluis]

This article goes on to say that imply that because Edward IV died aged 43, then death by natural causes is entirely possible and hardly surprising for Henry VI based on his "family background", citing his maternal grandfather's porphyria (which is an entirely speculative diagnosis) and the fact that both parents died before reaching age 35.

I don't think "dysentery caught on campaign + heatstroke" or "childbirth complications" are inheritable conditions. Nor do they really tell us how healthy Henry's parents really were were since these can kill even the most healthy and fit people.

god spare me from articles about Henry VI's death written by Ricardians going, "how do we even know Henry VI was murdered? huh? huh? Tudor propaganda!!"

[howi99]

Prince of Vale part 1

Yang: *sigh* Why are we in detention... Again?

Weiss: *side eying Blake* Because someone decided to run head-first into a major heist!

Blake: *rolling her eyes* How was i supposed to know they wouldn't surrender on the spot?

Weiss: *bewildered* You.... You are joking, i hope? Or else, i'd think even Jaune would be brighter than you.

Blake: *sigh* Yes, i am. *Crossing her arms behind her head, looking up* But i wasn't expecting it to go south that badly.

Ruby: *reading the newspaper, at first out of boredom but now completely focused* Speaking of Jaune, did any of you knew that he's basically a prince?

Weiss: *looking at Yang, not believing her* What are you on about? That baffoon can't even speak properly and has no manners. You can't seriously believe- *get shoved the newspaper in her face* Hey!

Ruby: *point at the article* I'm not joking. Page 21, "the only son of the Valois, a branch of the old royal family, returned to Vale as a huntsman-in-training". It even says that they still own a majority of the lands south and east of Vale.

Weiss: *taking the newspaper, beginning to read aloud* Yesterday, the only remaining branch of the royal family with a claim on the throne announced that... *Blink* that... *Put the newspaper down, goes to her end table to pick up reading glasses then take back the journal* ... IS THIS SOME KIND OF JOKE!?

Yang: *looking over her shoulder, reading* Oh? Oh! *Devious smile* Oh oh oh damn! *Look at Ruby* that's for real!?

Ruby: *nods* Hm!

Blake: ... What's going on?

Weiss: *not calm at all* What's going on? WHAT'S GOING ON!? THAT DULL IMBECILE IS THE NEXT IN LANE TO THE THRONE! HE'S GOING TO BE KING NEXT YEAR!

Blake: *takes the newspaper from her* That can't be right... *Read in silence* ... Hm. *Look up* Well, congratulations Weiss, you insulted and spate on the kindness of the soon-to-be king of Vale.

Yang: *crossing her arms with a grin* So, remember all these times you said he was just after your name?

Weiss: That doesn't change anything! And how was i supposed to know he was a Vallois!?

Blake: Well, the article does say he was hidden and sheltered almost all his life, due to the family not wanting him to be distracted from his noble duties.

Weiss: *blanching* Oh god... That's why he's so inept with social interaction!?

Yang: *nods* Yep. *Place her hand on Weiss shoulder* Ice queen, you insulted and denigrated someone who basically just began learning about socialising.

Blake: *look surprised, then worried*

Ruby: *looking at Blake* What's wrong?

Blake: ... Ruby, Did you read the end of the article?

Ruby: *shaking her head* No. I was to excited to share the news, why?

Blake: The reason Jaune is getting the throne... His mother... *She stop talking*

Ruby: *realising what Blake was going to say, hurriedly rush out of the room*

Yang: *Knowing full well the look on Blake's face* Shit. *Goes after Ruby*

Weiss: *clueless, take the newspaper* What's wrong with her? *Read, then freeze up* Oh god... That's... That's horrible...

Blake: *nod* Yeah...

Meanwhile, in the cafeteria

Jaune: *reading the newspaper* ...

Nora: *stuffed with pancakes* Ah~ *sees Jaune getting up* Jaune Jaune? Where are you going?

Jaune: *stop for a second, then smile at Nora* Oh nothing, i just... Want to go for a walk. I shouldn't be long.

Pyrrha: *looking at him, perplexed* Really? But, you said you couldn't feel your legs because of training. You sure you will be fine?

Jaune: *laughing* I was just exaggerating, Pyrrha. Beside, it's not like i can slack off, right.

Pyrrha: Do you want some company? I just finished and i could for a little run

Jaune: *shaking his head* Nah, i'll be fine. I won't ask you to sacrifice your morning for me.

Pyrrha: *sigh* As if spending time with my partner would be a sacrifice. You really should work on your self esteem, you know?

Jaune: Eh eh, sorry. *Takes the newspaper with him* see you both later! *Leave*

Nora: *seeing him go* Something is off.

Pyrrha: *nod* Yeah. I know what i made him do yesterday and he should be crying in pain at every step. Heck, i'm still sore myself.

Nora: You know, you really sounds like you are fucking.

Pyrrha: *sigh* Nora, we both know i wished it was the case.

Nora: *chuckle* Eh, true... But seriously, he looked... Sad.

Pyrrha: I know... Should we follow him?

???: I wouldn't do that if i were you.

Pyrrha: *turning to see Ren* Why's that?

Ren: *sit down with them* He asked to be left alone. The best we can do is to follow his wish.

Nora: If you say so.

___________________________________________

Jaune: *sigh, tired, as he is sitting next to the fountain* ... *See two black boots with red laces* ... *Looks up, seeing a familiar pair of silver eyes reflecting his own eyes* ... Leave me alone...

Ruby: *silently sit next to him, not saying anything* ...

Jaune: ... *Looking at the horizon* ...

Ruby: *doing the same* ...

Jaune: ... *Close his eyes* I've always wanted to be a hero. Be there for others, always with a smile... *Chuckle* my mom thought it was stupid, that i would better serve the kingdom as a ruler. *His fist clench* I never wanted to be a prince. I wanted to be like my dad, an Arc... That's the last thing i said to her, when i left. *Shaking his head* Can you imagine? I spat on everything she ever did for me, even though i know she loved me and my sisters more than anything. And all of this for what? I'm no hero, no huntsman, no nothing.

Ruby: *looking at Jaune, seeing tears running down his face* ... *She gets closer to him, now shoulder to shoulder*

Jaune: ... She was sick when i left. And i didn't even saw it. I never asked why she was tired all the time, or why she looked so sad when she was with us... I... *Shaky breath* I even refused her parting gift. The one she made for me, even after all i had said and done.... I... *Tries to wipe away his tears with his hands, failing* I... *Sobbing* I should have been the one dying... *Cry* I'm so sorry....

Ruby: *hug him* Don't say that... *Hug him harder* Never say things like that...

Jaune: *trying to get out of the hug, still crying* I'm a monster! I said all those things, i refused to listen! How *sob* how could you understand!?

Ruby: I can't! *She looks at him, tears in her eyes* When my mom died, the last thing i said to her was goodnight, so i can't understand what you are feeling!

Jaune: *still trying to get rid of her hug* THEN WHY? WHY SHOULD I LIVE? I DIDN'T CARE FOR HER! SHE WAS DYING IN FRONT OF ME AND I DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT!

Ruby: *tightening her grip* BECAUSE YOU CARED! YOU CARED SO MUCH THAT YOU WOULD DIE FOR HER AND THAT, BOTH ME AND MY SISTER KNOW HOW IT FEELS!

Jaune: *weakening his attempts* B-but all i said... All these mean things-

Ruby: *now crying as much as him* YOU THINK I NEVER WAS MAD WITH MY FATHER? WITH MY SISTER? *Sobbing, her voice trembling* WE.... We are teens! We are stupid, brash and our mouths are full of... Of shit!

Jaune: Bu-

Ruby:NO! NO BUT! *Pleading look* Please! You know she wouldn't want that!

Jaune: *looking down, still sobbing* I... I know she wouldn't want that. *Sob* I know she would prefer that i laugh and smile but... It's so hard.

Ruby: *placing her forehead on his* I know it's hard... I know it will never be the same... But... *sobbing* You are my best friend... And... I won't let you go. Never ever.

Jaune: *hugging Ruby back* Ruby...

Ruby: *sob* So! I want you to promise me to never say that again!

Jaune: W-what? Why?

Ruby: *sad smile* You said an Arc never goes back on a promise. S-so...

Jaune: ... *Sigh* I can't promise you that Ruby...

Ruby: *hugging him harder* ...

Jaune: ... But i can try. *Shake his head* no... I will try.

Ruby: *looking into Jaune's eyes* Can you promise that?

Jaune: *calming down, weakly laughing* Yes, i promise i will try my best, Ruby.

Ruby: Arc promise?

Jaune: *nod* Arc promise.

???: *coughing* So... Should i call dad and tell him you two are finally dating or?

Ruby and Jaune: *both look up, seeing Yang and the rest of team JNPR*

Yang: *looking at them, smiling gently* Are you ok? Both of you?

Jaune: *nod* I'll manage... *Look at Ruby*

Ruby: yeah, *nod* i'm ok.

Yang: *nod* Ok good. *Grin* But my question still stands, since you both seem glued together.

Ruby and Jaune: *realising they are still hugging very close from one another, separate quickly*

Ruby: We are not dating!

Jaune: Y-yeah! We are just friends!

Yang: Aw~ you are both blushing! *Chuckle* I'm joking l, you two.

Pyrrha: *crossing her arms, looking both relieved and angry* You know you disappeared on us, right?

Jaune: *looking perplexed* what?

Nora: We were searching you for hours! We only found you because they both spotted you here!

Jaune: *looking at his scroll* It's already 5? *Shaking his head* Him sorry, i didn't think-

Ren: You don't need to be sorry. *Sigh* Honestly, we should be the ones asking for forgiveness. I... Honestly thought you were sad because Weiss rejected you again.

Jaune: ... Pfft, Ahahahahaha!

Pyrrha: Jaune?

Jaune: *still laughing*

Nora: *questioning look at Ren*

Ren: *shrug*

Jaune: *calming down* Oh gods, i needed that! *Gets up* I guess my etiquette and manners classes did teach me something, if all you three were fooled. *Weak smile* But still, i'm sorry for worrying you guys.

Nora: *nod* Good, you don't have the same sadness in your eyes.

Pyrrha: Next time, i'll be the one who will comfort you... Wait! I didn't mean i wanted you to be sad! I don't want this to happen again!

Jaune: *chuckle* Dont worry, i got the meaning.

Ruby: *getting back up* So... See you later?

Jaune: *turn around, nodding* Yeah, see you after detention.

Ruby: ...! Oh shoot! The detention!

Meanwhile

Blake: ... You think we will also get into trouble?

Weiss: Honestly? I would be surprised if we weren't. *Sigh* Why do everyone forget we have scrolls?

[tragicvampireromanceisland]

we've met our super heroes, but what about our super villains? time to meet two leaders from the evil syndicate, our heroes' greatest foe...

adélie valois, current heiress to the multimillion dollar tech and research corporation firehawk industries, appears in the public eye quite often. she's got big shoes to fill for a company so renowned...but she really doesn't seem fazed by it. either that, or she doesn't care. but what most don't know is that she's also got big shoes to fill as a supervillain. adélie is a sixth-generation psychic of a long line of supervillains, as well as the fifth to hold the family villain mantle, espritvoyant. it's...pretty clear she's only got a leadership position on the syndicate due to nepotism, given her rather nonexistent work ethic, but her powers are still a huge asset on stealth missions. although she usually just uses them to terrorize the heroes for the most part. her inherited powers have also just left her kind of numb to the thoughts and feelings of others. she readily expects how most people think and how they're going to act and gets bored easily because of it. her coworkers get pretty frustrated with her attitude, but it's not like it's her fault she's surrounded by such predictable individuals. revenge this, injustice that. she swears she's had her family motto engraved in the back of her eyelids at this point. (deep down, though, she resents her powers. she wishes for a little spontaneity in her life. she wishes she could get excited over stuff the way other people can. she wishes she wasn't like this). however, the sudden appearance of solarflare and kuiper have caught her eye as of late...especially the latter, who's surprisingly immune to her mind reading. maybe something worthwhile can come out of all of this...

and whenever she isn't just going at it solo, her partner is usually fellow syndicate leader blindside. he's often teamed with her on missions involving stealth, given his power of invisibility as well as his martial arts prowess provide the perfect balance of defense and offense. while esprit's purpose (or apathy) mostly revolves around just following her family's footsteps, blindside's motives are...a bit more murky. both the heroes and the syndicate are a bit confused about it. how did someone with such an otherwise gentle demeanor end up turning to evil? despite appearances, he doesn't seem to pull punches when it comes to heroes. why does he hate them so much? no one can seem to figure it out, given he just...doesn't talk. and while esprit is the only one he ever seems to hold conversation with given the inevitable nature of her mind reading, she hasn't pushed him on it (for which he is grateful). in the public eye, he goes by ichigo kato, an unassuming librarian with a pretty uneventful day job. well, except for that one nosy journalist who keeps coming in and giving him a near heart attack each time with the titles she keeps checking out...oh, and the fact that that one new hero, solarflare, kind of sort of knows his civilian identity now. there's that, too. he's not sure why she hasn't exposed him yet...but not like he's gonna say anything about it.

up next...we're not done with the syndicate just yet! what else does this organization have in store for our heroes...? stay tuned!

(need more context for this au? check out the other character sheets!

joy, sadness & anxiety // disgust & fear )

[leletha-jann]

Headcanon on reasonable evidence, actually: Every Heterodyne gets their own specific pack of Jägermonster guards.

Yes, the Jägermonsters are all sworn to the family in general, but Heterodynes do unreasonable and dangerous things on absolutely no notice, and it's helpful to have a specific set of personal guards who know them as individuals well enough to respond immediately. (Of course, Jägers think this sounds like fun.)

Agatha having Dimo, Maxim, and Oggie on more or less permanent assignment to her isn't unusual; it's normal. They know this, and have encouraged her to fall into a pattern they were expecting, actually, and she didn't take any steering at all. On some instinctive level she was expecting it too. Even if Dimo keeps his promotion to General, he'll be a General on the move, from wherever Agatha happens to be. They'll be with her for the rest of her life.

Consorts get their own squads, too. At some point in the future, Gil and Tarvek both acquire a handful of their own personal Jägers, sottle-like. (They notice it happen anyway.)

Jorgi is absolutely one of Tarvek's squad, because there's no way he wasn't designed to be Tarvek's personal guard Jäger, and it will be hilarious.

I'd also love to see Agatha assign Jenka to him, because Tarvek's recently on record as missing his personal spy network, and he and Jenka would have that up and running in no time flat. They'd have fun. (Jenka doesn't hold "being Andronicus Valois' descendent" against him, because Tarvek's loyalties are firmly with Agatha, and they share a "to hell with that family in particular" attitude.) Also, it would be a neat little parallel with Tarvek giving Violetta to Agatha. Agatha could give him a sneaky lady who can kick his ass (and will if when needed) right back. For maximum humor, Füst should take to Tarvek exactly the same way the wasp eaters did.

(this, but with JAGER BEAR)

I don't know if Gil ends up with Vole as one of his pack, because I don't know where the Foglios are going with him. But I nominate this guy from book one:

And this guy from book 14:

to follow Gil around and be reassuring to him periodically.

Higgs has sort of ended up as immediate supervision of the entire triumvirate. Whichever of them is in reach, or all three of them at once. Insert Higgs looking really deadpan tired here. This face. Forever.

Jägers get EXTREMELY excited when they learn a new baby Heterodyne is on the way, and start campaigning to be on the baby's personal guard squad immediately. Of course, being Jägers, there's a lot of biting involved. I imagine months of Jägers challenging each other, not just to fights, because they did all that already, but to increasingly ridiculous and pointless challenges that they're both making up on the spot and obsessively keeping track of. The only real rule is that if you challenge someone to something, you have to do it too (otherwise how will you know who won?) They challenge each other one on one, or everyone in sight. This leads to things like most of the Jägerhorde running a screaming, pushing, biting, brawling egg-and-spoon race down the longest street in Mechanicsburg. The townsfolk line up to watch and cheer. (They're considered a course hazard, so they get to throw things.) Whoever's currently winning (don't ask me how that points math works) when the baby is born gets assigned to the baby.

Bill and Barry both had their own Jäger squads and never knew it, because their guards weren't allowed anywhere near them. Theodora was pretty much out there with a shotgun if she heard even the hint of a Jägermonster accent. Those Jägers still resent it. They feel robbed of their (most recent) chance to be trusted favorites. They might get special-pleading rights in the next tournament-to-guard-the-new-baby, assuming their brothers aren't completely fed up with their whining about it by now.

Klaus Barry had his own guards, but Bill didn't know because the Jägers were barely even allowed in the Castle by that point, so they just didn't tell him. Master of Mechanicsburg or not, the Jägers didn't trust him not to send them away even further (and rightly so).

Nobody volunteered to guard Lucrezia. Bill didn't understand the insult in that, and the townspeople didn't tell him. But every single one of them NOTICED. Ho yez.

There are only so many Jägermonsters, so by this point everyone who's still alive has been in a personal guard squad at least once. Collectively, the Jägermonsters know all the gossip, going back centuries. They'll never tell. If pressed, they suddenly lose the ability to remember last week, much less 1528. They can't be bribed, not even with alcohol, although they encourage people to try.

Canon: Jenka was in Euphrosnia's personal guard.

Seen elsewhere on Tumblr but I forgot to reblog it: Vole was one of Saturnus' pack, which is why he tried to kill Bill and Barry. Saturnus had tried, after all, and Vole was most loyal to Saturnus in particular. (If this was your theory, let me know! Credit to you.)

TL;DR: Jägers running an egg-and-spoon race through Mechanicsburg. There. Now you have the highlight of this post.

Also: ä is alt-132 (using the keypad). NOW YOU KNOW. (hopefully I also now know, because this is like the fifth time I've tried to memorize that)

[leletha-jann]

I suspect the Valois dynasty has spent the past 200+ years carefully breeding - as royalty was wont to do - for that distinctive red hair in particular.

It was a fluke the first time - and possibly Andronicus' hair, in life, wasn't quite as red as Tarvek's hair is today! Exaggeration in portraiture isn't unheard of - and neither is hair dye. If "pretty red" got attention, maybe "blood red" held it. And, well, the descendants ran with it...

Either way, now it's a bloodline trait. The Valois stock books pedigree family tree is a very detailed pile of documents. The only saving grace here is that with this many mad biologists running around, someone somewhere has to have some understanding of "Inbreeding: Why Not to Do It", and hopefully they're on the family payroll.

And Europa is used to that red, because there are lots of them. (See also: stock books.)

Zeetha's green is new.

...oh, now I really hope that when Agatha's family ends up in Skifander, although important stuff is happening, random crowds of people keep dropping by to stare at Tarvek, because Skifander has never seen that shade of red before.

On one hand, Tarvek has set a fashion. On the other hand, all these strangers staring feels like one of them is going to try to stab him sooner or later.

I think calling tarvek a redhead is funny cause its like. Not UNtrue but definitely more of an I GUESS situation. But idk why but calling him a ginger? NOW WAIT A MINUTE

[winterhalters]

K I N G S I D E, a tale of seven kings

first season 1514-1520. Claude and François finally get married, a vacant seat for Mary Tudor, Louise of Savoy's stubborness to keep her son in check. A new King arises, the New Order, François' quest for glory in Italy. Another crown, another campaign.

second season 1522-1530. The inheritance dispute that leads Bourbon to treason. The pursuit of the italian dream, Claude dies, all is lost in Pavia. Süleyman and the unthinkable alliance, captivity in Spain. The Ottoman fleet. Royal depression. The inheritance dispute that led Bourbon to treason. The ladies' peace, Henry VIII flinching, a price for two princes, a New wife for the King.

third season 1531-1537. Louise dies, tensions between François and Marguerite. The wedding of Catherine and Henri. The rise of Pisseleu, the battle at Court between Charles and Henri and their people. War between Diane and Montmorency. Placards and the anti-heterics frenzy, another war in Italy. Wedding and death of Madeleine.

fourth season 1539-1547. Mending tensions between France and Spain. A very stubborn niece. All eyes on Henri and Catherine's sterile womb. Death of Charles. The duel in Jarnac. The King is dead, long live. Diane de Poitier's absolute triumph over Anne de Pisseleu. The Guises make their move.

fifth season 1553-1559. Diane of France's not so typical royal wedding. Catherine giving birth to the twins, Chenonceau goes to Diane, the cordial hate between the two. Rohan VS Nemours. Montmorency mess and a remarriage for Diane of France. The death of Henri, everything falls down.

sixth season 1560-1564. François II barely hanging on, Catherine's almost giving up, Elisabeth married off, the Guise family's counterpower, Montemorency's political exile, the Amboise conspiracy, preparations for the grand tour.

seventh season 1565-1572. The end of the grand tour, encounter between the royal family and Elisabeth, queen of Spain. The rise of Charles IX, a new queen, Marie Touchet and her bastard boys. Catherine's plans to get a match for Marguerite. Rising tensions between Charles and Henri after Jarnac and Montcontour. Marguerite's nuptials amidst tensions and Coligny's attempted murder.

eighth season 1572-1575. Coligny and the Protestant leaders rallying the troops. The Saint Barthelemew Massacre and the promise of Marguerite to never forgive her family. Catherine finds out Anjou's possible involvement. A new king for Poland. Marguerite's toubled married life. Death of Charles IX. Henri's escape from Poland and slow return to France.

nineth season 1581-1584. Catherine's illusions shatter. New King, no heir. Marguerite returns to Paris. Louise shows some spine against the King's favorites. Quarelling with Anjou, tensions with Elizabethan England, Anjou's election and subsequent death and Catherine's anger. The Guise family veering off the road.

tenth season 1585-1589. The mounting war of the three Henris. All eyes on King Henri who has no sons, Catherine's political exile, the slow burning of the last Valois children. Hunting down Marguerite from stronghold to stronghold, ending with her house arrest in Usson. Assassination of the Guise brothers, the death of Catherine, Henri III breaks down in Diane's arms. Marguerite in exile, Diane the only "true" daughter of Catherine's, as she sets out to (successfully) pacify the kingdom on her own.

[portraitsofsaints]

Happy Feast Day

Saint Felix of Valois

Cofounder of the Trinitarians

1127-1212

Feast Day: November 20

Saint Felix of Valois was a member of the French royal family. He was ordained a priest and wanting to live a solitary life he became a hermit. St John of Malta joined him as a hermit. One day in devout discourse, a stag, bearing a blue and red cross between its antlers, burst from the bushes. St. Felix, greatly amazed, didn’t know what to say, but St. John recalled this same vision while saying his first holy Mass. When they requested to form the Trinitarian order to ransom captives from the Moors, Pope Innocent III had the same vision during his Mass and approved the order. St Felix died of natural causes at 85.

Prints, plaques & holy cards available for purchase. (website)

[bigasswritingmagnet]

Helpful, in a Heterodyne Kind of Way

inspired by this post, Saturnus Heterodyne, doting grandfather, attempting to find Agatha a PROPER boyfriend

AO3 Link

“No.”

Saturnus blinked.

“Did you say something, dear?”

Teodora approached like a tidal wave and hit about as hard. Saturnus went stumbling back, clutching at his jaw, but Teodora kept coming, punctuating her words with hard jabs to his chest.

“You will not kill my sons. You will abdicate to Bill. You will let him rule Mechanicsburg, his way, and you will like it, or so help me, Saturnus Heterodyne, I will break you.”

Saturnus stared at his wife, who seemed to tower over him like the god queens of old.

“…yes, dear.”

“I don’t like him.”

Agatha rolled her eyes, but did it fondly.

“You never like any of them.”

“And I definitely don’t like this one. Sturmvoraus, pah! And a Valois! Weaselly little devils, with their poisons and their smoke knights and their secret assassinations…”

“I’m sorry, you don’t like them because they kill people?” Agatha asked, raising her eyebrows.

“They don’t kill people properly!” Saturnus bellowed, thumping his fist down on the arm of his chair. “The only reason a man needs to poison a knife is because he’s not good enough to kill you without it!”

“Well, I thought he was very charming.”

“That sister of his had promise,” Saturnus said, perking up a little. “There’s a girl who understands leadership.”  

“She wanted to flense the servants because they didn’t hem her dress correctly.”

“So she’s a bit of a project,” Saturnus said, dismissively. “You always liked a challenge.”

“I think I’ll give this particular one a miss, thanks,” Agatha said, with deep amusement.

Saturnus’ expression grew serious, and he gripped her hand tightly.

“I know you’re all grown up, and you don’t need looking after anymore—especially not by some miserable old codger,” he said, earnestly, “but when I’m gone—”

“Grandfather, please,” Agatha said, rolling her eyes. “You’re not that old—”

“When I’m gone,” Saturnus continued, insistent, “I want to go knowing you’ve got a partner in life who will make you happy. Someone who can keep up with you, support you, love you properly. Someone who deserves you.”  

“Someone who would be willing to help me burn Europa to the ground if I suddenly decide to take up the family traditions?” Agatha asked, with a quirk of a smile.

“Well, that goes without saying.”

Agatha’s smile spread, becoming soft and genuine. She leaned down and kissed the top of her grandfather’s head.  

“You are a terrible old man,” she said, “and I love you very much.”

She slipped out of the room. When her footsteps faded into the distance, Saturnus sighed and maneuvered his chair—a fantastic device Agatha had built him, with dozens of little legs that could navigate the castle's many stairs and even the steep road down to Mechanicsburg—over to the window.

After a few minutes, he saw his granddaughter emerge from the castle, followed at a respectable distance by two Jӓger guards.

“She’s the Lady of Mechanicsburg,” he said aloud. “She deserves an equal. She deserves the best. Certainly deserves better than her father got.”

Oh yes, Lucrezia Mongfish. Saturnus had approved, quite profusely, even encouraged Bill to see her. And how had that ended?

With a war that nearly leveled Europa, Bill and Barry vanished, a grave smaller than its headstone, and a little girl named Lady of Mechanicsburg before she was twelve.  

Perhaps he should know better than to meddle, after all that.

‘I did overhear a very interesting conversation between Master Tarvek and his sister.’

“Hmm?” Saturnus said, only half-listening.

‘Do you recall Master Bill and Barry’s friend, Klaus Wulfenbach?’

Saturnus screwed up his face.

“Oh don’t be ridiculous, he’s far too old for her!”

‘I was actually thinking of his son. Gilgamesh Wulfenbach, heir to the Wulfenbach Empire?’

Saturnus rubbed his chin, thoughtfully. The Wulfenbach Empire was impressive, and Klaus was ruling with a proper, iron fist—while remaining respectful of Mechanicsburg’s continued autonomy, which Saturnus could only assume was Klaus being smart enough not to start a war he couldn’t win.

“Mmm,” he said, reluctantly. “But Klaus did have his hero phase, running around Europa with the boys, fixing all kinds of problems. That sort of thing can be heritable, you know.”

Just look at Agatha! Nature over nurture his left foot.

‘Not a concern,’ the castle said, smoothly. ‘The boy is adopted.’

“Really?” Saturnus said, now more interested. “Do we know his background, then?”

‘Do you remember Petrus Teuful?’

Saturnus froze. Slowly he raised his head to look at the ceiling.

“Petrus Teuful?”

‘Oh yes.’

“The Black Mist Raiders, that Petrus Teuful?”

‘The very same.’ The castle was very smug.

Saturnus’s astonished expression slowly spread into a wide, devious grin.

“Well…perhaps we shall have Master Gilgamesh over…for dinner. Heh. Aheheh. Hahaha. Ha. Hahaha! Haahahaha!”

Thunder crashed overhead as Saturnus’ laughter echoed over Mechanicsburg. Agatha put her hands on her hips and tutted, glaring up at the castle.

“Oh, now he knows he’s not supposed to do that. It agitates his sciatica.”