#WHAT NOW WHAT NOW WHAT NOW
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really fighting to accept & make peace with the ways i will never find the things i lost, or never again have them in the same way. also trying to be liberated by this
#THE TOWER#i wish i could crawl back inside memories and be held by everyone#& laugh with everyone again#& play the role i played as the person i was#but now it’s like. okay i am without all of this#i am without these people these places etc#we are not friends anymore#some people i loved do not know me anymore#i do not have to drag their dead weight forward i do not have to drag their dead weight forward#i do not have to hold onto the warmth i once felt it is no longer mine#WHAT NOW WHAT NOW WHAT NOW#I WANT TO LIVE AS FULL AS I DID BEFORE I KNEW HOW EASY IT WAS TO LOSE EVERYONE!
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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The world exists in such a baffling state of simultaneous sex-aversion and sex-hegemony. Every social platform on the internet is trying to banish sex workers to the shadow realm but I can't post a tweet without at least two bots replying P U S S Y I N B I O. People are self-censoring sex to seggs and $3× but every other ad you see is still filled with half-naked women. Rightwingers want queer people arrested for so much as existing in the same postal code as a child and are also drumming up a moral panic about how teenage boys aren't getting laid enough. I feel like I'm losing my mind.
#it's bad if you want i have sex it's also bad if you DON'T want to have sex#god forbid if you're a woman in a heterosexual marriage and aren't in the mood#that's 'withholding sex' and you're clearly abusive scum who should be divorced and left without any of your shared assets.#but if you DO have sex now you're a degenerate freak plotting for the downfall of western society#i don't know what to say i'm just so tired#politics#culture#queerphobia#lgbtqia#misogyny#<it's not the exclusive source but let's be honest sooo much of this is integral to the patriarchy#patriarchy needs access to an underclass they can treat like sex objects but they also don't want them to have any human rights#so sexuality is both obligatory and stigmatized#purity culture#i'm really struggling with tagging this because most of the appropiate tags would- in a beautiful twist of irony- get me booted off tumblr
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"you're the writer, you control how the story goes" no not really. i wrote the first sentence and then my characters said "WE WILL TAKE IT FROM HERE" and promptly swerved into an electrical fence.
#now im watching their whole lives fall apart on google docs#i dont know whats happening but by god im excited to see where it goes next#writers on tumblr#writerscommunity#writeblr#writing#bookblr#creative writing#writing life#writers and poets#novel writing#my characters#original characters#writing stuff#fanfiction#darkacademia
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someone has probably already done this but
#it made me laugh so so hard#gravity falls#art moment#stanford pines#bill cipher#fiddleford mcgucket#people are changing the tag for fiddauthor and now idk what to put help#fiddauthor#fordford#ive also seen ford squared and thats amazing
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hate when you find a character whose so infuriatingly Your Type that its embarrassing like yeahg no one is gonna be surprised when i announce this is my new Guy Of The Month
#shush jesse#EDIT from future me: this post was about astarion but im fully a galegirl (gendy neutch) now so idk what that says#he's also my type for what its worth#this post abt astarion#hes just so painfully on brand for me#i know so little about him though is the thing but i still feel insane#but i cant play the game and i dont want to watch anyone play it and i dont want spoilers#so like.....secondhand blorbo right now
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i feel like people are skimming over the uk riots in a way that makes me want to tear my hair out. muslims in the uk are in active danger. immigrants in the uk are in active danger. refugees in the uk are in active danger. people of colour in the uk are in active danger. asian communities in the uk are in active danger. black communities in the uk are in active danger.
there are massive far right riots throughout the country right now and people like fucking elon musk and nigel farage are inciting it and still have a platform to speak. people have used three young girls deaths, people's genuine grief in southport, to try and gain traction for their own racist bullshit and it's working.
a lot of refugee charities have been forced to close leaving many people without support, homes, funding, food, etc. if you aren't able to donate please consider sending a message via the conversation over borders campaign! it will send a hopeful, welcoming letter to a refugee in the uk. there is also a guide to staying safe here.
please do your own research and donate to refugee charities, anti-islamophobia charities, mosques who are trying to rebuild after being destroyed, counter protesters, here are some i've heard positive things about but the list is extensive; southport strong together (support for the southport victims and their families), southport mosque rebuilding, riot repair fund, middlesbrough vulnerable residents, nasir mosque rebuilding, hull help for refugees, bristol welcomes migrants,
#i know there's so much going on but if you can take a second to support these groups !!#i just feel kinda sick#i wanted to add with so many people seeing this that i'm white im british and im extremely privileged to not be in active danger right now#i don't want to take away from people speaking out about this who are in a place of danger#this was really only meant to be for my followers#but i'm glad more people get to see what's happening and donate !!!
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hypothetical scenario for you all: the real king arthur returns. you meet him and you welcome him into your home. what is the first thing you do with him? keep in mind, this is a man from the 500s (he died in 542), and you are from the 21st century (2024).
#most chaotic answer gets a follow and reblog from me#me personally?#i would force him to watch bbc merlin and get him to read merthur fanfics#i'm so sorry for this... however#i'm just a girl#bbc merlin#merlin#bbc#bbcm#bbc's merlin#merlin bbc#king arthur#arthur pendragon#arthuriana#summoning all the arthuriana fans#regardless of what adaptation you are a fan because of#update 02/08: this has now been closed
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Y’all want Taylor Swift to be gay so bad but you won’t even write femslash about her
#I was curious so I looked it up 1038 fics on ao3 tagged Taylor Swift and f/f#like I’m not necessarily encouraging people to go out and write rpf#but it’s wild that arguably the biggest musical artist right now who has a huge community speculating about her sexuality has so little fic#like this isn’t a good or bad thing I just think it’s interesting#idk I’m not actually a swiftie like that#like I listen to her music and keep up generally with what she’s doing but I’m not really in the fandom#so there might be something I’m missing
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girl why the hell WEREN'T you at the devil's sacrament 👀 that's three sacraments in a row you've missed 👀 👀 👀
#girl i thought we were doing group costumes#do u have any idea what an ass i looked showing up as just the BOTTOM HALF of our lord baphomet???#not even a full ass just a half ass with cloven hooves#that was me. last nite. at the devil's sacrament. like u even care#you abandoned me in my time of need you peccant malodorous HUSSY#just fyi the bake sale committee is pissed af atchu right now
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OK SO I WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET IN THE RAIN AT 2AM AND I SAW AN ANIMAL RUNNING DOWN THE ROAD AND SO I GRABBED IT AND
IT WAS THIS
#did i mention I'm autistic hi#insane discovery literally just now#i definitely scared it really bad i do feel bad about thar#i just wanted to see what it was...#misc
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"If voting changed anything they wouldn't let people do it-" grabs your face THEY DIDN'T JUST "LET" PEOPLE DO IT, MOST PEOPLE COULDN'T VOTE FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS. PEOPLE OF COLOR ONLY GOT THE FULL RIGHT TO VOTE 50 YEARS AGO IN THE US, THATS BARELY A GENERATION.
IF IT DIDNT MATTER AT ALL WHY WOULD THEY SPEND SO MUCH TIME GERRYMANDERING THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYWHERE?? WHY CAN'T FELONS VOTE?? WHY CANT PUERTO RICO VOTE? WHY DO THEY KEEP SWITCHING DATES AND LAWS AND TIMES AND WHATEVER THEY POSSIBLY CAN TO STOP PEOPLE FROM VOTING?? WHY DO THEY MAKE EFFORT AT ALL??
BEING DISILLUSIONED IS A REASONABLE RESPONSE. BUT PEOPLE FOUGHT AND DIED AND ARE STILL FUCKING DYING FOR THAT RIGHT, DONT SPIT IN THEIR FACE.
#god i hate seeing that fucking pop up#YES the system is fucked YES we need revolution or reform to the point of it being unrecognizable#but we dont HAVE THAT right now#but DONT COME IN AND TAKE WHAT WE DO HAVE FOR GRANTED IT WAS WRITTEN IN BLOOD#IM SO SICK OF THIS LIKE GUYS...WHY WOULD THEY MAKE THIS MUCH EFFORT...WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENED POST CIVIL WAR??#voting#elections
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gawrsh
#kh#kingdom hearts#star wars#luke skywalker#darth vader#destiny doodles#destiny comics#donald#goofy#disney#i'm on a star wars kick rn sorry this is what you get from me for now u_u
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If you've ever told a person who's had to be bedbound for a period of time that you wish you could "just stay in bed", DO IT.
Stay in bed. For days. But don't get up if someone needs you to, or you get bored, or you get antsy. Don't do anything other than rest. Just lie in your bed, whether you need to get stuff done around the house or socialize or anything else "productive". You'll have to cancel on people, you'll disappoint them, they won't understand.
And if you're thinking, "well, i CAN'T just be in bed. There's stuff that has to be done - I have plans", maybe ask yourself why you assumed a disabled person doesn't have plans or things to do or desires.
#Disability#Bedbound#Housebound#Actually disabled#Chronic illness#Long covid#Chronic fatigue#Inspired by my boss asking what I did over the weekend and I said I couldn't get out of bed and he said that sounds nice actually#I'm literally only able to work bc I am in bed at all times I'm not at work and it's still so hard and painful#I can't get my own groceries or cook my own meals or socialize or eat at restaurants or go to movies or take care of my own pets#If I didn't have a loving generous caring spouse I'd be dead by now
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bumblebees first day out of sublevel 50
#transformers one#transformers#transformers fanart#b 127#bumblebee#megatron#d 16#sentinel prime#elita one#optimus prime#orion pax#i think its so funny that bee went outside for the first time and literally so much happened#made 2 new best friends#got kneed in the face#made 3 best friends#got a cog#got kidnapped#got kidnapped (again)#almost got executed by the government#lost 1/3 of his friend group#lost 1/3 of his friend#said friend rose on the third day in accordance with the scriptures#watched a beloved celebrity get ripped in half#over threw the government#works for the government now#what happened to him 😭😭😭
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