#This took a lot of confidence to post tbh

[imchronicallydepressed]

☆This is still a work in progress, but this is mostly what the first part will be. I will most likely post this on Archive of our Own at some point, just cause some people might prefer to read it on there.

☆I absolutely adore feedback, so please let me know if I can use some work on certain spots or even if it's just to tell me you enjoy it.

☆Double spacing exists solely cause I felt it looked better, I may take it away. Idk

☆ENJOY, PLEASE

Metal Institute

Pt.1

♠︎♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♠︎

You're not good enough

You'll never be good enough

Everything you do only leads to disappointment

Your family hates you

Your mother

Your sister

Even Your father

They all hate you

"Shut up."

You're a mistake and that's all you'll ever be in this life

"You're wrong."

Why do you think they put you in here then? Do you think this is some camp? Get to play around outside all day then go sleep in a tent? Tell stories around the campfire while indulging in sweets?

You're living in a fucken fantasy, Glam.

A laugh. "My name isn't Glam. It's Sebastion and You're nothing but a voice in my head, schizophrenia as the doctors call it. Father put me in here to make me better and that's exactly what the doctors are doing." A smile crossed his lips.

Blasphemy and you know it. We both know it. I'm your conscience and you need to accept that cause guess what, You're stuck with me.

You hate the name Sebastion and you hate playing the Violin. You love rock music and your best friend was a guy you met by the dumpster, remember that?

"I don't know what you're talking about. Father never allowed me to have friends and I would never make friends with someone near the dumpster no less."

How about your favorite song, huh? What about Twisted Sister?

"That music is unholy, shouldn't even be legal. It's rubbish. Bach and Vivaldi are-"

Bach and Vivaldi are the real rubbish. You hate that shit. That's all you were forced to listen to, forced to play.

The father you claim to love you beat you with a ruler. Remember that?! Remember how he made you bleed?! All because you were off by an eighth of a pitch!

"Stop it. You're lying."

These doctors that you claim are helping you are doing the fucken opposite! They're brainwashing you into staying under your father's thumb!

You should've ran, should've went back to your friend, but instead you stayed and look what happened! He beat you and now your in a mental asylum! All because you didn't want the type of life he was making you have!

"S-Shut up!" His hands went to his face, covering his eyes as tears slowly began to trickle down. It wasn't true, was it? His father wouldn't lock him away just cause he... wanted a different life, right?

Look at yourself! Look at your wrists! Look at the scars your father inflicfed upon you! Look at the marks from the binds that held you down while the doctors performed their sick experiments on you! What about your ankles? Tied so damn tight that it nearly cut off blood flow, all so you couldn't escape!

Look at those wounds covering your body and tell me that I'm not speaking the truth.

He moved his hands down from his face, leaning over to the dim moonlight that shown in through the plexiglass window. Tears rolled off his cheeks now, one after another as he examined his wrists, the scars that will forever remain due to his dear father.

Look at them, Glam.

Tell me, does this look like something a loving father would allow? Would a loving father allow such experiments to be had on his one and only son? Would a loving father beat their son?

He placed his hands over his mouth, trying to muffle the soft sobs that followed his tears. He'd been so far gone with all the 'treatments' that he blantly accepted them. He blantly accepted being strapped to a cold metal table, allowing the doctors to inject God knows what into his veins.

The food he ate, the beverages he'd recieved... who knows what was in them, what sort of shit he was being slipped. Not to mention the effects he'd been feeling. The nausea, the headaches, the fuzzy memories, and now he was hearing voices...

You finally get it, don't you?

Your father doesn't love you. You will forever be a disappointment in his eyes and you will forever be in your sisters shadow.

"L-Leave Lydia out of this... she doesn't deserve to be... placed on the same platform like father." He spoke again, dragging his hands down his face and pulling his legs up.

As much as he despised being constantly compared to the likeness of his sister, she'd never once laid a hand on him. She'd actually used to be the one to bandage him up when they were younger, while their mother hid in the shadows, too scared to stand up for her children.

Tell me, Sebastion... what sort of platform does your loving father deserve to be put on? What sort of outcome does he deserve in all this?

"Outcome? He won't get to receive the deserved outcome. In the end, I'm stuck in here and... those doctors will continue to try and... 'fix me'."

Oh, don't you worry about that. He will get his fill of Karma. Don't frazzle your pretty mind with such worry. Besides, you have me! I will get you out of here.

"How will you help me escape? You're nothing but my own conscience. Besides, the guards in this place are armed."

You needn't worry. All in due time. Why don't we look at the future, though? Why don't we look at what will come to your father?

So tell me, when we do escape, and we will by any means necessary, what end does your father deserve?

He began to laugh, his eyes seeming to fill the dark room with vivid thoughts. Then his laughing grew. It became louder and louder, more maniacal. The things he was seeing, the actions he was performing... Violent actions. The same actions he had once written down, the same actions his father had confronted him about upon finding his journal.

He still felt like such an idiot for that mistake. If he just... double checked, and made sure that the 'line of defense' wasn't at a risk of being found out about. None of this would have happened. He might still be stuck at home, sure, but he'd have his best friend. He'd have access to his records. He'd have access to THE record.

"I'll tell you what he deserves! I'll tell you what end I want to grant him!" He stood, going to the window and placing his hands firmly upon it, glancing up at the moon.

"I want to see his blood spill. I want to beat him with that fucken ruler until he's begging for mercy. Maybe even a baseball bat!" He turned, facing the darkness of the room, more laughing emitting from his mouth. Now he really did sound like he belonged in such a place.

"I want him to suffer and bleed, the same way I had to. I want to see that bastard cry and beg for forgiveness!" He could only continue to laugh as he fell to his knees, the vision growing more and more realistic by the second.

Glam ran his fingers through the tangled mess of hair, looking up at the ceiling for a moment with more maniacal laughter.

"Maybe I'll make him play the Violin. Then I can stand there and criticize every bar and note he plays! Slap his wrists until blood it dripping to the floor!"

Good! Good! You're getting the hang of it! That's the spirit! You're spine is tingling with the excitement, the anticipation!

So remind me, what's your name again?

"Glam! My name is Glam..." He spoke calmly now, placing his hands on the ground in front of him.

Right, you're finally getting it. What else do you know?

"I-I have a best friend... what was his name again?" He glanced around the moon lit room for a moment before scratching his head, fingers getting tangled in the matted mess of hair.

You know this answer, Glam. Don't expect me to help you with such stupid questions.

"I-I don't remember..."

You need to remember him! Don't let your memory start fading away, now think harder. What was his fucken name?!

He held his head in his hands for a moment, more tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He couldn't remember him, no matter how hard he tried. He couldn't remember his name, why he was called that...

Just... who he was physically. What he looked like, how he had helped Glam through the bullshit. The messy brown hair, the disgusting green jacket, that annoying voice and those horrid yellow teeth.

"C-Chive..." He finally mumbled to himself after a moment. That was his name, right? He knew it at least started with a C.

Good boy, Glam. You're making progress. Do not forget Chive. Don't forget what he looked like or what he did for you. If you forget him, then that might as well be the end.

Glam put his face in his hands again. Don't forget? How was he supposed to manage that when he was being tortured and experimented on day in and day out. Hell, he barely remembered the last this he ate.

The fact of the matter was that without his friend, he'd never discover the beauty of rock music. The beauty outside of that fucken prison of a house. Sure, he had to deal with some... painful repercussions, but it was so worth it. Getting to play in front of a crowd, especially play music he was actually proud of? It was the best feeling in the world to him.

"He probably thinks I abandoned him..." He gripped his hands into fists. "M-my one and only friend... thinks I abandoned him..."

Who would ever know what became of Glam outside of his family. -He was sent away to a special music school, one that didn't allow such... worthless talent to blindly be accepted- That was probably along the lines of what he'd say to the school anyways. Chive would never step foot near his front door, so it's not like he'd come knocking.

Stop worrying. We'll get out of here in no time. Soon enough you'll be back at his side and the two of you will be playing again before you know it. You'll even have your favorite record back.

Remember that song Glam? It's your favorite.

He began to chuckle softly, tears still rolling down his cheeks. "We're not gonna take it..." He started singing, the vocals raspy and sloppy.

No! We ain't gonna take it!

"We're not gonna take it anymore..." He pulled his knees back to his chest, tears continuing to flow as his off key singing kept up, his voice seeming to echo in the emptiness that was his confinement cell.

That song. It'd got him to discover life outside of classical bullshit. Now it was gonna be the song to help him escape this hell. No matter the cost.

[kindahoping4forever]

I miss your fics. I hope you’re doing well tho

I appreciate this, thank you 🥹

For the record, I miss my fics too! This unofficial hiatus has been out of necessity rather than choice, and I can honestly say there hasn't been a day where I don't fantasize about A Grand Return. 💙

[prozach27]

.

[norrisainz33]

the call pt 2 || platonic grid & gr63

summary: y/n finishes out the triple header strong after being called up to race for alpine

pairing: platonic!grid x george russell x rookie!driver!reader

fc & warnings: none and minor hate comments, bad language, and bad grammar from my end

a/n: i've never had this many people request a part 2 before so i hope y'all enjoy!! I'm going to keep her racing in the remainder of the season so keep an eye out for the rest.

part 1

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

alpinef1team has made a post

liked by pierregasly, ynuser, yourbff, yoursibling, landonorris, oscarpiastri, and 876,234

alpinef1team: a point in the bag for pierre and another good drive for y/n 💼

view all 435 comments

user2: solid result for the team!!! y/n ate in her second race ever

user99: a team of losers tbh

ynuser: yay for points! let’s go pierregasly

pierregasly: we go again in brazil! points for both of us there 😉

ynuser: everyone better make sure to bet on us 🙂‍↔️

yourbff: let’s go best friend(s)!!!!

ynuser: 🫶🏻

georgerussell63: great stuff ynuser

ynuser: thanks georgie

user1: notice how he is always supporting her…. is there something here?

user2: they’ve been friends since their karting days!! if you asked me back when they were in f2 if they were tg i would’ve said yes bc they were kinda sus but now idk

user1: gonna go research the lore on their f2 days

✿

you let out a huff as you threw your padel racket on the ground and wiped the sweat from your brow, “god dammit lance! how are you so good at this!?”

laughing lance shrugged, “maybe you and george are just really bad!”

george shook his head, “no mate that can’t be it!”

you took a long drink of your water as the pair continued to bicker. “did you both see the weather for the weekend?” you asked changing the subject so they’d stop.

“yeah, lots of rain it seems.” lance put his racket into his bag and looked up at you with concern. “have you raced in the rain before?”

you shook your head, “no not really. i mean when i was karting yes but outside of that not really.”

“blimey y/n/n,” george ran a hand through his hair. “you’ve been going over those scenarios with your team right? there’s a chance of some really heavy rain.”

“i have, i have. i’ll be ok!” you assured them both with a smile but your friends looked anything but reassured.

✿

ynuser has posted to their story

view all story replies

user2: jesus christ you’re so hot

user4: im obsessed with you holy f

georgerussell63: green is a good color on you. tho i think mercedes blue is better

ynuser: you mean alpine blue and pink

georgerussell63: nah i’d like to see you in my colors

ynuser: oh?

georgerussell63: you heard me

francocolapinto: 👀

ynuser: and you’re coming to play with us next time yea?

francocolapinto: si bonita

yourbff: H O T

ynuser: thanks bb

ynuser: also i think george might be flirting in my dms rn?

yourbff: WHAT?!

ynuser: he said he wants to see me in his mercedes kit

yourbff: oh that’s 🤭

landonorris: you look tall here

ynuser: thanks shortie 🩷

landonorris: uncalled for

user5: thanking your parents for doing it tbh

✿

holding in a yawn you turned to walk back to your garage after the brazilian national anthem. the 5am wake up for this ‘super sunday’ as they were calling it was catching up with you despite the butterflies swarming in your stomach. you had had the qualifying session of your life, which despite the cool confidence you played it off with in your interviews after, shocked you just as much as it shocked everyone else. you qualified in 4th. yes, you read that right, p4. something about the car came alive in the rain and you prayed it came alive again during the race but the rain was starting to pick up and it seemed like it was only going to get worse. you’d already seen several red flags in quali and would be lying to yourself if you said you weren’t terrified that that was about to become you in the race.... especially with the threat of the entire field behind you, including max verstappen, wanting to push forward and push forward fast regardless of the consequences.

“y/n!” a hushed voice caught your attention. george had caught up to you and had a serious look on his face. “please be careful out there,” he pleaded.

“you too george,” you squeezed his arm lightly. “i’ll see you on the podium, yeah?"

"yeah," george winked as you turned to head into the alpine garage.

your engineer, james, handed you your helmet as he went over a few more pieces of data. he was stressing over the litany of different plans the team had put together in the very short window between quali and now. the heavy rain and your heroic lap times caused just about everything your team had prepped to be turned upside down.

“right, right i’ve got it james. plan a seems the most logical if i can keep everyone behind me.” you said as you pulled your helmet onto your head and fastened the strap.

things were about to get interesting.

✿

f1 has made a post

liked by alpinef1team, yourbff, yoursibling, yourfriend, ynupdates and 435,725 others

f1: the race is stopped under the red flag for a crash….. and y/n y/l/n is our new race leader! after running a surprisingly strong p4 for the first half of the race, she took the lead when those in front pitted for new tyres. y/n is the only woman in history to lead a lap in a grand prix

view all 432 comments

user1: not them calling her performance surprising 🥴

user2: I KNOW THATS RIGHT!

user12: only gonna last a second. she can’t even compete with the likes of verstappen

alpinef1team: @ everyone behind, y/n.. can we pretty please keep it this way?

yourbff: real tears are being shed rn this is monumental

user9: god is this amazing

mercedesamgf1: we love to see this historical moment! even if we’re coming to take it back 😉

user11: literally the most amazing thing i’ve seen all day

✿

you ripped another tear off from your helmet wishing it would make it easier to see but to your dismay, you still couldn’t see a damn thing. the rain was coming down in buckets, your inters were worn, you were fighting the car even in the straight lines to keep it on the track and worst of all, you were scared shitless. you had no moment to even be happy about your current position in p1 because you were too busy trying not to send your car into the barrier.

“max is 2 seconds behind you and gaining very quickly. gasly is 1.2 seconds behind max and leclerc is 0.9 behind pierre.” james updated you on the radio which sent you into a fit of rage.

“james for fucks sake i don’t care!!! stop giving me timing updates!! i can’t see the road so i can’t do anything about it!!!” you almost screamed. "i can't even pass half throttle!"

“rain is expected to lighten in about 10 laps,” james reported ignoring your outburst.

“10 LAPS?! how am i supposed to survive 10 laps?!?!?” as you yelled you felt the rear of your car start to slide causing you to need to quickly snap it back into place. “there is so much standing water james - i can’t keep doing this. the front straight is like a swimming pool!”

“yes you can, y/n. lock in and calm down. you only have a couple of laps left in this class of rain.”

“lock in? calm down!? and what if i crash this damn car first?!” turning off your radio you tried to take a few deep breaths while focusing on the road in front of you. you couldn’t panic - that would only make matters worse. you had to stay calm. you knew your car, you knew to deviate off the racing line to avoid the slippery curbs in specific turns, and you knew that you had to make it through whether you wanted to or not. panicking was not going to help anyone but there was little way to explain just how scary it was on track at this current moment.

another snap of significant oversteer left you breathless and near tears. “james im so serious - i need wets and even then i don’t think they’re going to be enough. there's standing water on every part of this track. i can't race like this on these tyres. please talk to fia. please we need a red flag.”

“pitting doesn’t make sense right now, you’ll come out in traffic and your race will be over.”

“i care more about making it out of this race alive than coming out in traffic.”

“understood.”

✿

✿

“they couldn’t have taken any longer with that red flag could they?” you snapped as you pulled your race suit down to your hips.

“no they really couldn’t have! it was getting ridiculous out there.” pierre grabbed his water bottle, "driving couldn't have been more dangerous."

“alright you two! thats enough!" your team principal interrupted, looking very serious. "we have a real chance of keeping this double podium finish especially because george and lando pitted before this red flag and lost a lot of time," he explained. "y/n, you’re going to have to push, there’s not much chance you’ll be able to keep max behind you but we’ve got to be fast enough to keep george, charles and lando behind pierre.”

right... keep 3 of the fastest drivers on the grid behind you both.. you were going to need a real stroke of luck.

✿

alpinef1team has made a post

liked by yourbff, yoursibling, ynupdates, rubendias, jackhughes, robmcelhenney, and 843,124 others

alpinef1team: THEY DID IT!!! Y/N AND PIERRE CROSS THE LINE AS P2 AND P3! HISTORY MADE

✿

"thats p2 y/n - great job! the entire team and i are so fcking proud of you."

"AHHH YES YESSSSSSS!!!!" you screamed into the radio, banging your hands against the steering wheel, "WE DID IT!! WE DID IT JAMES!!" the emotions hit you like a brick wall, and tears quickly began falling. "thank you all so much. thank you for this opportunity. thank you to the mechanics, to everyone back at the factory, to every single one of you. thank you for believing in me when no one else did."

"you're welcome, y/n. you deserve it. you deserve it all kid."

pierre rolled up next to you to drive the remainder of the cool down lap by your side. he waved excitedly and you waved back without hesitation - you both had achieved what felt like the impossible.

you were the first woman to ever stand up on the podium and you were the first woman to score points in formula 1, but you knew you certainly weren't going to be the last. if you would do anything with your remaining races, it would be to show the world just how much women belong in this sport.

you pulled into parc ferme and shut off your car as quickly as you could. you fumbled with your straps and when you finally got them off, pierre was standing above you with his hand held out. you smiled, grabbing his hand and allowing him to pull you out of the car. "we did it, p -" you said just loud enough for him to hear over the cheering.

"we did it, y/n/n." pierre replied and with that, you both turned and ran hand in hand to your team who was waiting with open arms to greet their heroes.

✿

ynuser has made a post

liked by georgerussell63, landonorris, pierregasly, lewishamilton, oscarpiastri, yourbff, and 943,124 others

ynuser: we did it 🩷 thank you to alpine for believing in me, thank you to pierre for being the best teammate a girl could ask for, thank you to my friends and family for supporting me through the ups and the downs and thank you to my fans -- i love you all so much

view all 999 comments

user1: i've never shed so many tears over a race before

yourbff: i feel like a proud parent rn

ynuser: thanks for never giving up on me bestie

georgerussell63: you're a force to be reckoned with y/n. congratulations on an impressive drive! today is your day 🤍

ynuser: mark your calendars! 11/3 is national y/n day

landonorris: speechless... i am so proud of you. if someone had to be up there besides me, i'm so glad it was you 😉

ynuser: thank you lanny. only thing that would have made it better is if you were with me up there 🩷

user10: tea LOL

francisca.cgomes: i dont think i've ever been happier?? my two favorite people are on that podium?

ynuser: stop dont make me cry agAIN

pierregasly: thankful for you mon ami

ynuser: 🤍🩷

lewishamilton: being a barrier breaker is never easy y/n but you are crushing it. i am proud to race with you!

ynuser: you have no idea how much this means to me lewis

user9: thank you from the bottom of my heart for continuing to prove everyone wrong

user95: nothing could have prepared me for 1) them running hand and hand to their team, 2) y/n crying tears of joy on the podium and 3) gr63 picking y/n up and twirling her around in parc ferme

user2: george and y/n were so cute it was actually sickening. did you see the way he fixed her hair after putting her down

user95: and how he wiped away her tears??? yeah i saw it 🥹

user2: i want them together so bad

user10: you are going down in the history books

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

a/n: thank you for reading!!! likes, feedback and reblogs are welcome!! massively appreciate all of the support on this little series. i am really enjoying it too

tag list from part 1: @yawn-zi @a-beaverhausen @nichmeddar @divagreymare @raizelchrysanderoctavius @ferakillia @stressed-cherry @sassyangel16 @mxdi0 @awritingtree @danielricciardoslut3 @dying-inside-but-its-classy @seasonswinter @rawr-123s-stuff @grussellsprout @belncaldern @ellelabelle @rafeyybabyy

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

disclaimer: pictures are not mine and everything i write is fiction

�� norrisainz33 || please do not rewrite, translate, or copy any of my works posted here on to any other platform

[via-l0ve]

Dating Carlisle Cullen HCs!

a/n: was the requested? absolutely not. am i a slut for daddy cullen? abso-fuckin-lutley

warnings: fluff, smut, swearing, im lowkey an edward hater in this i’m sorry, smut is fem!reader based!! dating daddy carlisle

- when you guys hang out at night /alone he’s all over you

- he holds you, lays on your chest, plays with your hair while you sit inbetween his legs SHSSUWHEISN

- he plays with your fingers while you guys are around other people and he gets a little nervous

- like if your hanging out with friends he’ll play with your fingers and hands, twist around your bracelets and rings

- i love him he’s so soft

- he desperately tries to stop you from popping pimples and blackheads

- “y/n sTOP”

- sometimes you’ll laugh at stuff he says bc it sounds so old fashioned

- he attempts to make you food and most of the time it’s amazing but usually when you two cook it almost always ends up burnt or undercooked or missing an ingredient

- bc he gets distracted by your stupid jokes that sometimes result in a food fight

- carlisle would do anything for you

- literally one time you brought up wanting to go to disneyland because they do a mardi gras parade and he almost bought plane tickets right then and there

- “what’re you doing?”

- “buying plane tickets.”

- “what??? STOP-“

- he loves how you hate when he spends money on you

- it makes him want to do it more

- you both have multiple matching things

- bracelets, rings, necklaces, etc

- he bought you this EXPENSIVE bracelet once and you almost passed out on the spot

- it has your and carlisle’s initials engraved into it and it’s your favorite color

- he lets you paint his nails frequently

- he loves when you do little designs on them too

- he loves being the person you feel comfortable ranting to

- it breaks his heart when he opens his door and sees you with puffy eyes and a red nose, tears reminiscent on your face

- he lets you in and picks you up, speeding you to his bedroom

- he grabs you a big t-shirt and a pair of his boxers and tells you to shower or change before talking about it

- and then after that he does whatever you want

- sometimes he’ll comb your hair while you rant to him, or make you some tea on the kitchen island while you talk to him about what happened

- he’d totally sit you on the counter and cut up + feed you fruit and clean the juice from your chin. im sobbing

- 100% takes care of your stuffed animals

- he would love how you bond with his “kids”

- you and emmett would totally play horror games together

- emmett and you are this clip:

https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxJdszrIKDCtmfnyVLdhVwf2sGqLcJ6NBU

- honestly either of you could be rhett/link and it would still make sense

- you lowkey make fun of edward ngl

- i feel like he plays games with you and emmett too and he sucks ass

- carlisle looses his shit when he hears you make a gooddamn good roast of him and you can hear him laughing from upstairs

- alice constantly tries to buy you clothes she thinks not only you, but also carlisle would like

- Rosalie would confide in you a lot

- tbh it took her a hot minute to warm up to you but when she saw how happy carlisle was with you she gave you a chance

- jasper loves you tbh

- he games w/ u and emmett and you guys kick ass in rocket league

- sometimes Carlisle will just stare at you for no reason

- you’ll catch him and he won’t break eye contact and you get all flustered and look away

- and proceed to look back to see him still staring

- “what’re you looking at?”

- “just you. :)”

- “okay but why”

- “youre beautiful.”

- “get a room!” ~ emmett

- reminds your to take ur medication

- after meeting your family, he’s always down to babysit with you or go to family reunions or vacations

- if it’s a sunny place he’ll just busy himself with work inside

- always liking ur instagram posts

- he always comments on them too

- just a simple “i love you” or “gorgeous🩷”

——— smut time

- respect and consent king

- wouldn’t dream of hurting you/degrading you ever

- he loves tits. sorry not sorry it’s true

- he’ll play w/ ur nipples and leave hickeys on ur boobs

- fucking looses it when you moan his name

- like, if you do that he’s giving you literally everything he has

- his fav position is missionary or when you ride him but you face him

- specifically if he’s sitting in his office chair and you get ontop of him and-

- makes your legs SHAKE

- he has his hands on your hips while you ride him bc that’s hot

- literally adores your body

- he couldn’t care less of your stomach pokes out or if you have love handles or stretch marks

- he loves you for you

- PRAISE

- this man loves to make you blush and he knows exactly how to do it in bed

- master at giving you head

- literally knows exactly what to do and how you like it done

- fucking dies when you ride his face

- like it’s not a thing that he wants he NEEDS it

- he pays attention to your body movements and how you react to certain things

- he’s the typa guy to get on his knees and eat you out

- tongue around ur clit and fingers inside you pumping in and out and moving around inside to touch your g-spot

[doomedmoth]

Three’s a crowd

Pairing : Poly and bisexual fem!reader | reader x alexandra saint mleux x charles lerclerc

Warnings : use of y/n, polyamory, fluff, very light angst, request, not much more tbh

Synopsis : Request : Could you write a poly fic about Charles, Alexandra and Y/N ? Everyone is celebrating Charles’ brand LEC but since Charles and Alex are the public couple (for Ferrari PR etc), Y/N can’t do anything. She’s starting to feel left out because of it since they’re going out and celebrating without her, they keep leaving her out and forgetting important dates (her birthday or smthg). Happy ending please !

Moth’s prophecy💡: Thank you to the anonymous cryptid for the request, I tweaked it a bit but still kept the main plot, and I hope you and the other poly enjoyers will like it ! Thanks again for the support and great ideas !

“Okay one… two… three… and posted !” You threw yourself in Charles’ arms as he clicked on the button and threw his phone away immediately, catching both you and Alex in a cuddle.

“You did it !” Alexandra pinched at his cheeks and you ruffled his hair, hands trembling with excitement.

Finally his ice-cream brand, Lec, was out, the main announcement posted on Instagram. The end of countless sleepless nights and never ending zoom calls, meetings at the worst time possible, and secrets to keep. Of course, now the promotion would be another handful, but at least the three of you would deal with it together. And you had always been pretty good at supporting your lovers.

You got into a more comfortable position on Charles’ lap, head resting against his, as Alexandra had gotten up and started her, as she called it, “happy dance”, which consisted mostly in jumping in circles screaming until she got dizzy. As you snorted, Alexandra very clearly loosing balance, Charles took your hand in his, softly rubbing it with his fingers.

“Thank you… I know it hasn’t been easy to deal with this on top of the races and everything… You’ve been amazing. I’ll never be able to thank you enough.” You could not help a smirk from coming up your lips, and thought this was the time to charge again.

“I know how you can repay me…” You straddled him, and as he did his best to appear confident and in charge, his blush betrayed his shyness. Alex had stopped spinning, seemingly much more interested in what was taking place on the couch. “Maybe you could…” You got closer to him, and peppered his neck with kisses until you got to his ear, in which you whispered as seductively as you could. “Maybe you could get me a dog ?”

He immediately rolled his eyes and playfully pushed you away as you laughed at his bright red cheeks. You had dreamt of having your own dog for so long, specifically a longhaired dachshund, and both Alex and Charles had said no multiple times. Charles’ arguments were mainly that he was away too often to properly care for it, and your girlfriend, who called the breed “hairy sausages”, argued she would have to deal with all the responsibilities of it because both yours and Charles’ works took a lot of time. And though she actually found dogs very cute, she did not have an interest big enough for them to manage her schedule around one.

You had pleaded to Lewis to use Roscoe to convince them, managed to go partly remote with your job, and flooded their messages with videos of dogs almost daily. At this point, you were seriously considering getting one in secret just to see how long it would take for them to realize, and then argue it is too late to give it back.

“Sure.” What ? You sat straight up on Charles as he pushed a strand of hair behind your ear. You couldn’t have heard well. You turned to Alex, who shrugged.

“I can’t deal with seeing you cry over reels anymore, and Mimi’s pretty cute.” She gave you a warm smile. Mimi was your friend’s dog, the one who got you into dachshund in the first place.

“You’re not serious, are you ? You’re just in a good mood. You’re joking.” Charles actually laughed, and you thought your heart wouldn’t be able to handle a prank.

“Promis juré ma princesse. Why not, you want one, you can take care of it, who am I to deny you ? Let’s get you a dog.”

No matter how well isolated was your apartment, you thought you would be lucky if no neighbors came to complain tomorrow. There was a lot to celebrate for one night.

“I’m sorry Y/N, I really need you to give Leo back, we’re going to take pictures…” Searching desperately for support in Alex’s eyes, you felt sick when you saw her staring at the ground. You were so shaken you let the event coordinator take the puppy from your arms and give him to Alexandra, who sheepishly turned her back to you and walked towards the press wall.

Charles himself was nowhere and everywhere at once, it was no use trying to get him to advocate for you. Too stressed by the beginning of the racing season combined with the launching events for Lec, he had mindlessly agreed to most of his agent’s suggestions, including playing what the Ferrari PR team had called “happy family”. Following the announcement of Carlos’ replacement, they needed good news to balance, and thought emphasizing Charles’ couple and furry kid would pull at a few heartstrings. But in their good Italian traditional beliefs, there was no place for a third, and since you had always been more busy, and therefore more discreet, than Alexandra, the cut had been made. They were to be the hit couple for a while, in a vain but admittedly successful attempt at calming the fans.

You had had little to no say, Charles having always been your voice in those kinds of businesses, and Alexandra being media trained to perfection. You thought back on your promises, on your dedication to be supportive of them, and decided the best thing to do would be to go get some air. It wasn’t as if you would be missed anyway.

As you stepped on one of the secluded balconies, the cold breeze of the night came to slap your face, and without anyone’s arms or jacket to comfort you, you suddenly felt very lonely. The evening had dragged on enough, you just wanted to go home. Debating between taking a cab or waiting for your lovers, you took out your phone, only to be flooded by notifications from your socials. You barely used them, so had no idea why they would be so active all of a sudden.

Both Instagram and Twitter greeted you with the same pictures taken either by fans or paparazzis. You shopping with Carlos’s girlfriend, Leo trotting happily by your side, as well as another few at a restaurant with friends, where Leo was sleeping on your lap while Charles and Alex were somewhere in the background, probably discussing going dancing after. The usual. But this time, all the comments seemed to agree on one thing. The dog wasn’t yours.

“Did they lend her the dog for the day ?”. “Leo’s godmother.” “Is she gonna be the babysitter while they’re gone ?” “Me when my friends get a baby”.

You three had always been private, but not secret. People made their own opinions anyway, and you did not care much about polishing a public persona. You did not use socials, Alex had private accounts, and Charles’ were managed by his PR team. In the end, even though you had dated Alexandra since high school, and Charles for a bit more than a year, the lack of official pictures or announcement, coupled with Ferrari’s new strategy, only served as validation to those who affirmed the real couple were Alexandra and Charles.

You felt sick, cold, and particularly lonely. Cab it would be.

“Babe what are you doing outside like that, you’ll get a cold !” You felt his jacket fall on your shoulders before you even heard him walk up to you. Ears buzzing, eyes watering, you weren’t sure you were able to face him.

“I’m gonna go home. I’ll leave you with your girlfriend and your dog if you don’t mind.” When you turned to him, you saw right behind one of the girls in charge of the party holding Leo, and your blood started boiling again. Charles was looking at you all confused, and you felt an itch to slap him.

“What ? What are you on about ? How ‘bout you come back inside, I think Leo misses you.” He chuckled, and you thought a full punch would probably be better than a slap.

“I don’t think your dog misses me.” The words felt like poison in your mouth, but you wanted him to get it. To understand how ridiculous this situation was getting. And why wouldn’t the girl put him down, he was clearly uncomfortable in her arms ? Why was no one taking it seriously ?

“Leo’s your dog, Y/N, I don’t get it…”

“Then give him back to me !” You screamed and the puppy yapped back, before jumping from the assistant’s arms, who shrieked and struggled to get him back. Too late, he had found your arms before she managed to pull the leash. “You should probably talk with your team, Charles.” He frowned at the use of his name, which almost always meant you were pissed. “Goodnight.”

As they finished filling their suitcases, you thought back on this evening, and that you probably should have shut your mouth. Following Lec’s launching party, what you hoped would be a wake up call for your lovers turned into something even worse. Charles was indeed called in for a talk with the PR team. And then Alex too. Your turn never came, and the more the days passed, the more it appeared your relationship was being taken over by management and marketing teams.

The following weeks had been a blur of unspoken tensions and meaningless routines. Breakfast alone, walking Leo only in the areas pre-approved to avoid pictures, going to work without him and coming home to new communication materials published with his face on it, work calls for your boyfriend stretching into the night, and your girlfriend going out so often it seemed her side of the bed was getting colder with each passing day. They both seemed to have undergone a sad transformation, their fiery and protective spirits dampened by forced compromises. Something told you they had been pushed to agree to the new directive, and yet you couldn’t help but stay mad at them. You understood Charles. The pressure he was under, the expectations of the whole team, the weight of his responsibilities. But Alexandra, you had known for too long. She had never been one to bow down and blindly agree to unfair decisions. She had loved you, through good and bad. She had promised you, together forever. And now she kept her hands by her side on the street and you wondered when her clothes had stopped smelling like you.

They kissed you goodbye, promised you mountains of gifts and a magnificent restaurant when they returned, but the door had not even closed when you fell crying to your knees. You had moved to the couch and slept there, your puppy watching over you, when your mother knocked on the door the following morning.

“Happy birthday darling !” She opened her arms and you ran in them, grabbing at your siblings behind her to get them in the hug too.

You had hoped to be out of tears by now, having spent the night reading articles speculating on why you were living with Formula 1 hottest couple -were you a distant relative ? A friend of Alex in need of a place to crash ?-, but the warm embrace of family members you hadn’t seen for months was enough to bring you back to the edge.

“Where are my favorite in-laws ?” She was beaming as she settled her belongings on the kitchen counter. “Oh that’s my baby grandson, come here baby !” She took Leo in her arms and you thought you had more time to breathe, but your younger brother tugged at your sleeve.

“Can Charlie take me on the boat ? I learned how to do a backflip at school and he can film me do it from the boat and then the others are gonna be so jealous and” You put your hand on his head and ruffled his hair softly.

“I’m sorry… Charles isn’t there. Alex too.” Your mother furrowed her brows and gave you a puzzled look. “Race weekend, and they were expected at an event they couldn’t cancel.” Your voice, barely above a whisper, was already shaking. You felt your tears ready to spill over, and gritted your teeth. “Last minute decision.”

Your brother only groaned and ran to the balcony to look at the port, already over it, but your mother came to hold your hand, and you exchanged a look of “we’ll talk about it later”.

Unfortunately, by the time you all came back from your evening out, and the kids were in bed, your mother was faced with the situation without leaving you any time to explain.

“Y/N, dear, come here please…” You sat next to her with two glasses of wine, and looked over her shoulder to her phone, where she had some celebrities gossip website open. “Is that the event they couldn’t cancel for your birthday ?” Her tone was cold, and you took at better look at the pictures.

A sunset movie-worthy, one of those that always brought tears to your eyes. A small table with candles and flowers on the beach, cocktails so colorful you could almost taste them from afar. Holding hands, looking at each other like the world had stopped, your lovers were apparently having the time of their life in a romantic restaurant, on your birthday evening. You took out your own phone. No messages.

The panic attack struck you without warning. Your heart had clenched all at once, and despite your mother’s attempt at laying you on your back, your muscles kept you rolled in a ball. You felt as if every breath was tearing apart your lungs, and could feel your heartbeat from your ears to the tip of your fingers. You could vaguely hear her talking to you, but it was as if a wall was standing between you, yet her touch felt very close, too close, as if her usually soft fingers were now burning your arms. Was it the end ? Was it how your great love story ended, alone on a Saturday night, crying so much you were drooling on the couch ? Your body was aching like never before, were you about to pass out ? To simply die ?

In the end you only managed to fall asleep after your mom calmed you down. You thought before closing your eyes that even your pain was disappointing.

You were helping your siblings pack up their bags when they came home, arms filled with packages. The little ones jumped to them, glad to have at least been able to say hello before leaving, but your mother stayed by your side, not even greeting them. She thanked them coldly for the gifts, and pushing the children towards the door, gave you a sympathetic look. She said she would always be there for you. She said you could come home if needed. But when Leo jumped on the couch and laid next to you, you knew no matter how painful it was, your home was here and there. You just needed time. You would figure it out, together. But not tonight. Tonight you just wanted out.

“Happy belated birthday, princesse.” Charles said tentatively, his voice tinged with uncertainty as he gestured to the mountain of gifts piled on the table. Alex sat by your side, but you got up before she could hold your hand.

“I don’t want your gifts. I want an apology. Think well about what you’ve done.” You kissed your puppy’s head and left the apartment immediately.

Almost running in the hallways and stairs, you got to his door panting. You knew he was back, they always made the journey together. So when he opened the door, clearly exhausted and surprised to see you, you broke down once again.

“I’m sorry Max… can I come in ?” He immediately closed the door behind you and called for his girlfriend, while his step daughter Penelope came to hug your legs. You collapsed on their sofa, shoulders shaking with silent sobs, unable to find the words to explain the depth of your pain. Kelly and Penelope tried to soothe you with soft voices and hugs, but Max only managed to pace the room, his jaw clenched in anger.

“What the hell happened ?” He had always been so sweet to you, so welcoming in this unfamiliar world. You felt bad for seeking comfort in his home after he had just came back. But the gates were opened, and while you cried, you still managed to make out a few words, enough for the couple to piece out the situation.

Penelope stayed close to you, hugging you with all the warmth a child could muster, while Kelly had been forced to stand in front of the door to prevent your friend from committing murder. They were now arguing silently, and you felt your eyes get heavier by the minute, strangely lulled to sleep by their hushed whispers. You had finally put words on what was happening, and the little girl’s cuddles had managed to calm you down to the point of dozing off.

“I think you should take her home.” Kelly murmured, still worried.

Max nodded in agreement, and he carefully scooped you in his arms, cradling you against his chest as he carried you back to your apartment. Charles was standing in the doorway, Alex pacing behind him, and both let him pass, faces etched with concern.

“You two stay right there.” Max’s voice was sharp, commanding not to argue. He laid you down in your bed, tucking the covers around you and stroking your hair until sleep finally claimed you. When he tried to leave the apartment, your two lovers were still standing by the door, begging to be heard.

“Max, please, what’s going on…” Alexandra tried to get close but he immediately took a step back, and pointed his finger at her.

“You had your chance to make things right by staying this weekend. You blew it up. Take your responsibilities.” He then turned to Charles, and almost spat to his face. “And you… I thought family was supposed to always come first. Maybe I was wrong.” His face was distorted with anger, and his knuckles white on the door handle. “You two have to man up for once in your fucking life. Either you tell Ferrari, and everyone who’s putting their noise in your business, to fuck off, or you loose her.”

With that, he slammed the door, leaving Charles and Alexandra with the consequences of their actions. They knew they had been fooled. Manipulated. Two nights ago, when the pictures of them had been taken, they were having one of the worst conversation possible. One they wanted to share with you as soon as possible, and in person, and not on your birthday. They were now wondering how they could do so without sounding like liars.

Would you trust them ? Believe Charles, when he would tell you the PR team had said you weren’t cut for fame, that the spotlights were obviously making you stressed, that you would be happier away from it all ? Believe Alex, when she would admit that they had threatened her with your boyfriend’s career, as well as your own, reminding her that she had never needed to work, and that if she loved the both of you, she should let professionals handle the situation ? Believe them, when they would say that’s what they talked about at the restaurant, and that their look of love was captured when they thought of you home, and wished you were with them ?

They weren’t sure. The thought that you could decide to end it all, and you would be smart to do so, frightened them. When they finally went to bed, hands shaking and eyes wet, each one cuddling by your side, hoping this night would not be the last, you did not even wake up.

“Still not forgiven ?” Max pushed Charles’ shoulder softly, half teasing him, half genuinely concerned for his friend, even though he hated to admit it. He had moved away from the group of men having a drink in the shared garden of their building, and had been staring at the moon for too long for someone in a good mood.

“I don’t know… She keeps saying everything is fine, but it’s clearly not. Even when we told her of our meetings, she was like… she agreed with them ?” Charles turned to his friend, disbelief written all over his face. “Said they knew what they were talking about, that it was for the best. Keeps walking behind us in the street, encourages us to go out just us two, even refuses to hold Leo when there are fans ! Her own dog, Max !” Charles felt the arm of the taller man lay on his shoulder, and he rested his head in the embrace, sighing.

As he was about to turn for a full hug, he heard Carlos whistle from the table, and Daniel signed at them to get back and away from the hedges.

“Paps.” The Aussie simply said when they got back, pointing a finger at the light of a camera through the bushes. “What a waste of money living here if they still manage to get in.” Max groaned and started to pick up the bottles, inciting everyone to go back inside.

“What a pain those fuckers…” He grumbled, clearly annoyed to not be able to enjoy his evening out with friends without the sound of camera shutters ruining everything. “What fucking interest is there to our lives, go get one of your own or something for god’s sake…” Everyone agreed but still followed him to one of the shared inside spaces, frustration hanging heavy in the air.

As they settled around the pool table, anecdotes about obsessive fans and annoying paparazzis were shared, but Charles’ mind was drifting elsewhere. An idea had begun to take root, a small glimmer of hope for his relationship, to maybe get back his girlfriend, before sadness had taken over most of her. He chugged down the rest of his drink, and called for the attention of his friends.

“What if… what if we used the paps ? What if I said fuck you to Ferrari without dealing with the legal issues ?” A spark appeared in their eyes, and in their last sober decision, they called Alexandra to come down, all agreeing she would be their voice of reason.

Oblivious to it all, you were reading in bed when the gathering happened, and would never know of it.

Only a few days later was the plan put into action. Charles’ idea of using actual paparazzis was turned down by Alex, who reminded the boys of the consequences on their careers if anyone found out who made the call. Despite his drunken arguments of being ready to fuck it all for his girls, soundly supported by his friends, she had found a much safer solution.

When you stepped on the huge balcony, you felt tears come to your eyes, happy ones, for the first time in weeks. Your lovers had crafted a perfect romantic dinner for you, straight out of a movie. The table was laid out for three, candles lit up and rose petals everywhere on the ground. A bottle of expensive champagne was chilling in a bucket of ice, waiting to be popped podium-style, and Leo was waiting by the door with a little bow tie on his collar. You had missed being just the three of you, no waitress, no management, no friends, just a homemade dinner and loving looks.

So when they took you in their arms, wrapping you in love and affection, peppering your skin with kisses and sweet compliments, you simply gave in without a care for anything else. You hugged and kissed until you had no breath left, and let them treat you, for you had deserved it.

Yet the whole time, unbeknownst to you, Daniel and Max had been stationed right under your balcony, hidden from view as they snapped pictures of the intimate scene unfolding. They did their best to capture every shared glance and affectionate touch, every kiss and hug that would make it impossible to deny the love shared between you. They had all warned paparazzis were roaming in the area the night before, which would make the whole thing even more believable for the PR teams. The secret mission was going to perfection, and when you retreated indoors with a seductive wink to your partners, Charles and Alexandra gave a subtle thumbs up to the boys to signal the end of the work for tonight.

As you awoke to the gentle rays of sunlight through the curtains you had not closed well last night, a sense of peace came over you for the first time in a while. Yesterday’s romantic dinner, and night, was still fresh in your mind and body, and you smiled when greeted with your lovers’ sleeping faces when you turned in the bed. Reaching as quietly as possible for your phone, your soft morning suddenly turned to hell as you saw hundreds of notifications and missed calls appear on the lock screen.

Your heart pounded in your chest as you scrolled them all. Missed calls from Ferrari. Messages from long lost friends. And obviously, dozens and dozens of pictures plastered across every gossip account related to Formula 1. It seemed an anonymous account had taken and posted pictures of your very private dinner during the night, and then disappeared, right after the pictures had been reposted everywhere.

With trembling hands, you turned to look at Charles and Alexandra, still sleeping peacefully by your side. Instead of finding solace in their presence, a wave of dread washed over you, the fear of losing everything you held dear threatening to consume you whole. Would this be the breaking point for them ? Would Ferrari ask you to move out ? Would they all lie, deny completely your existence ?

The sound of Leo’s plaintive cries echoed through the room, snapping your partners from their slumber. They came even closer to you, filled with concern as your breathing got more and more erratic, tears streaming down your face. They took turns kissing away your tears and whispering words of comfort until you managed to give them your phone, as well as theirs. You tried regulating your breathing as they scrolled, and sat down, expecting a tough conversation straight after.

Alex simply threw her phone away after not even two minutes of screen time, coming back to lay her head on your chest and faking purring. Charles sighed, and opened the camera of his phone. Had they asked him to make an apology video ? He turned the camera to Leo, and added his hand to where Alex’s fingers were already intertwined with yours. Snapping a pic of the small dog with your three hands next to him, he immediately posted it on his story on Instagram, which he had apparently gotten back the login details for, with the caption “Family 4️⃣❤️”.

“About time it was out officially, right love ?” Charles stroked your cheek lovingly while your girlfriend hummed in agreement, nuzzling closer to you. “I was thinking your red dress for the event next week, and we could get me a new suit but” He kept rambling on, his phone buzzing non stop on his side table, head in the crook of your neck. Too stunned to speak, you simply laid back in the bed and let him talk your ear off. It wasn’t over then ?

By the time of the next Lec event, you were sure it was far from over. Alex was holding your hand, and you had gotten matching nails the day before. Charles had insisted you were the only one to wear red tonight, and he kept you as close as physically possible, one hand always on your waist. The little pup struggled to find his place in all this affection, but you made sure to keep him in your arms whenever he needed comfort, and otherwise refused to give the leash to anyone else. When Charles’ agent came to warn you there would be trouble, Alex stepped in front of you with the look of defiance you had always loved, and simply told him “With all due respect, fuck off.” Charles shrugged, saying this wasn’t a Ferrari event anyway, and smiled as he took you two away.

You finally stood tall and proud, at peace and at home. The party was quite private, you were mostly surrounded by friends and well-wishers, and one in particular came to greet you with the biggest smile on his face.

“As pretty as ever querida !” Carlos took you in his arms, and gave a small pet to Leo’s head. He congratulated you, and gesturing to the PR team seemingly having a breakdown in the corner of a room, he chuckled. “The only thing I won’t miss at Ferrari is their shitty strategy.” He winked at you before going back to the buffet, not without a last word ���It’s clear the only happy family they should advertise is you three, with how they’re looking at you.”

You turned back to meet their eyes. Charles raised his glass to you, and Alex’s smile was brighter than the neon lights. You felt filled with pride, love, a sense of validation like no other. You thought of your mother, of her warm embrace and comforting words. You hoped she would see the pictures of tonight. You hoped she knew you had a home away from home in them. And so you ran to them, and laughed until your cheeks hurt, and danced until the lights went out, and promised to love until the very last star in the sky burnt out.

[kamfor334]

manifested my desired appearance!

hi guys! I know I haven’t posted in a while, this is just a little post about my manifestations, I manifested my desired appearance!

to be honest, when I think about this experience one thing is that this reminded me how EZ manifesting really is. When I first started to manifest my desired appearance, I thought it would be harder, and I would have to put in a lot more work. But, now looking back, this helped me realize that manifesting is simple, and instant. We are constantly manifesting naturally, and it isn’t that complicated or hard.

how it happened

It’s kinda funny how, people always say manifestation is instant (cus it is) but you genuinely to remember or realize until you see that you ACTUALLY have your results so quickly, and before you even realize. Tbh, I didn’t even really count or keep track of “how long it took”, since I find that constantly checking for results kinda deters me or messes with my mindset. I realized I had manifested my desired appearance when I was looking in the mirror today, low-key surprised me. My hair is thick, longer, my curls look the exact same as the photos from my vision board. My lashes are thicker, longer, my lips are pinker, plumper, ect, ect. I also noticed my body. I didn’t change my height (cause I didn’t want to) but, I look super cute!

After this, now I wanna manifest clear, soft smooth skin a lot more persistent, because me skin has been getting clearer and softer, but I’m not at my desired goal, however, I have seen a noticeable difference in my skin 🤭

also, people commented on it. I’ve been getting lots of comments on my body by my friends, telling me my body is tea, complementing my waist ect. And another thing I can remember is going to the convenience store with my mom, and this lady complementing my hair, and my mom pointing out my long, soft hair, and literally telling me word for word that I have4b hair 🤭

what I manifested

you don’t have to read this if you don’t want to but, I just wanna talk about what I manifested 🤭

White, straight teeth, pretty smile.

longer, thicker manga like lashes, wide, black beady doe eyes.

plump, pink, soft lips

more prominent dimples

Slimmer, oval face shape.

4b, defined healthy curls hair.

longer hair.

pear shaped body, slim, flat, soft waist, round plump bubble butt, r plump, round thighs and hips.

slim arms, collar bones, back and neck.

how did I did it!

well, for one, I said affirmations when ever I could, and whenever I had doubtful thoughts I would counteract it with a affirmation and try to take a deep breath and remind myself manifesting is easy, simple and instant, and that I literally already have, before I even fully realize.

I created a vision board. with pictures for visualization, written affirmations. I really like this form of manifestation cause you can look at it before bed, read it in your free time, visualize and affirm while you look at it.

looking in mirrors. I know a lot of people say not to look into mirrors when manifesting a physical change, but for me it helps. For some reason, looking in mirrors makes affirming a lot more fun and makes me feel more confident, like while I’m looking in the mirror I’ll say “I’m so pretty. ☺️” “I’m literally so beautiful, it’s so mesmerizing.” “I have such a cute, small waist” and is makes acknowledging my affirmations as truth lot easier, and it makes me feel so confident to admire myself. You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to tho, or if it doesn’t work for you.

That’s it! I love youuuuuu

sorry this is long, I was just really excited to share my results. 😭

remember that manifesting is literally so easy and simple, we literally do it all the time without even realizing, and manifesting is instant.

[wordslikesilver]

I am once again thinking about Hoarah Loux, the only man Marika ever trusted and the only man she ever loved. It’s such an insane thing to think about the fact that the second last boss of Elden Ring is Some Guy. He is literally just A Human Man. Marika looks at this fucking raving barbarian man and decides to My Fair Lady him into a Lord like the deranged woman she is by assigning him a babysitter to perpetually gnaw on his neck whenever he’s in public. As insane as all that sounds, let’s break down that imagery a little because it’s actually really good! His babysitter is the king of beasts, a lion named Serosh, who digs his claws and his fangs into Hoarah Loux’s body to keep him suppressed and restrained enough in temperament to now be fit to be named Godfrey, The First Elden Lord of Queen Marika.

Serosh is frankly quite mysterious as far as what he actually is goes but as far as story themes go, he’s a really interesting symbol of lordship. The lion basically IS Godfrey’s crown, it’s what makes him Godfrey. The symbolism is essentially stating in a very overt way that this man is more savage than all the beasts of the world. In Elden Ring, beasts with five fingers indicate an enlightened or elevated intelligence, blessed by the greater will. It’s fascinating how it’s basically stating that Serosh is more intelligent, refined and noble than Hoarah Loux, that this man is more wild and savage than the greatest of all the beasts in the world. That only a beast king could teach this man to be a Lord. Godfrey can rip him apart anytime but he doesn’t. It takes more than strength of body to wear a crown and he knows it. He needs Serosh to honour and do right by Marika. He is showing his opponents a courtesy, as he puts it. Morgott takes after his example and so too is Radahn inspired by him. It’s really wonderful imagery.

There’s more to the symbolism. My knowledge of alchemy is, I completely admit, too surface level to elegantly speak at length but I’ve done some light reading online to back up my confidence in what I’m saying. We know Miyazaki loves dark edgy anime like Berserk and I posit that he also gained inspiration from the anime/manga Hellsing, in which the main character recites the line “I am the bird of Hermes, eating my own wings to make me tame.” This line comes from the Ripley Scroll and is theorized to have many meanings but popularly is presumed to mean giving up higher philosophy and knowledge to live normally on the earth as a human. Miyazaki uses lots of alchemical symbolism in his works, Elden Ring especially (go watch Quelaag’s videos!) so I could be totally full of shit about hellsing but I’m completely confident that Godfrey is meant to be an inversion (like literally everything else about his character) of what the Bird of Hermes represents. Godhood is a prison, a shackling. The entire plot is Marika (and Ranni tbh) trying to escape that imprisonment. Godfrey loves Marika enough to chain himself down, to eat his own wings, to pull out his own teeth and claws for her to make himself tame and ascend to lordship.

What’s especially fascinating about him is that he carries Serosh out into the badlands with him, as the opening cutscene shows. Cut dialogue indicates he already knew the Elden Ring would shatter and the tarnished would be beckoned to return. That Marika told him her plan in full before she took from him and his warriors the grace of gold and sent them away. A line from him saying to trust in gold, always, that it will guide our fates to our true destiny has wonderful implications I would certainly love to expand on in another post maybe. Hoarah Loux was just a human man and Marika trusted him enough to tell him everything. Trusted him with her gambit to escape the shackles of godhood. This is the fascinating part about taking Serosh with him. Keeping himself disciplined enough to remain a Lord when he returns. To hold back his aching heart just enough that he could follow through on this dark plan and allow his wife to protect him from the machinations of the greater will by sending him away. Also note that in that opening cutscene, he’s being crucified, with a lion about his shoulders and spear buried in his abdomen. They could not be milking the Jesus imagery harder if they tried. The Bird of Hermes is also thought to represent Christ, more points for that symbolism.

I love Godfrey so much as a character. He loved his sons and he loved his wife. The tenderness that he holds Morgott with is enough to make me cry. How he wished he could’ve seen him sooner, I’m all too sure. He’s the only other character we see guided by grace in the entire game. Marika guides you and her beloved husband, that’s it, that’s how much she trusts him. When he rips Serosh from his shoulders, you understand how Marika felt such faith in him. In Elden Ring, it is through battle that you face the true self of an opponent. Godfrey reveals to you Hoarah Loux, Warrior Chieftain of the Badlands. It is a test. Are you worthy to free her? Can you do what I could not? I have shown you courtesy enough as a Lord. You served me well, Serosh. I relieve you of your burden and feel only gratitude for your service. Now begins the test. Are you, tarnished, stronger than the only man who was strong enough to bear the burden of Lordship? Are you stronger than the only man that Queen Marika ever trusted? Are you stronger than the only man she ever loved?

[itsmattchou]

lightning straight to my heart !

pairing: zb1 maknae line x gn!reader warnings: none i think, english isn't my first language!!! genre: fluff synopsis: their reaction to their crush falling asleep on their shoulder notes: first zb1 post! tbh i love the zerose community on tumblr so i hope i find lots of friends here🫶🫶 part 2 will be posted on friday or maybe saturday :D

SHEN QUANRUI

this is fine. this is fine! this is… AAAAAHHHHHH

you two were just peacefully hanging out and watching a movie at your place but you ended up falling asleep. with your head on his shoulder. obviously.

eyes widened, he still tried to maintain his cool guy facade (literally no one else is in that room) but soon enough he couldn't fight the lil smile anymore and then shyboy lovelicky took over

takes your hand into his and softly caresses it (he will let go of it the second he notices you're about to wake up)

his heart is pounding slightly faster for the entire time being, but tries to distract himself by watching the movie you picked for the two of you to watch

clears his throat every 5 seconds??? pls save him he's too shy for this

KIM GYUVIN

uhmmm

uhm?

he just… broke???

doesn't move, doesn't breathe, just stares at your peacefully sleeping figure on his shoulder

so suprised that he has no idea how he's supposed to react

windows shut down sound

his heart is beating like CRAZY though. super loud too! he probably dies from a heart attack soon

he thinks you're totally adorable 💔💔

starts to move again after a minute and takes like 50 pictures of you, firstly to remind himself of this moment and secondly to tease you with them afterwards

yes he likes you a lot but he would never not tease you🤭

sets one picture that came out well (in his opinion) as his background wallpaper

PARK GUNWOOK

inner panic

screaming inside his head

trying DESPERATELY to control his face muscles- he feels so many emotions at once, he might break his face if he allows all of them to show now😭

but he can't fight the redness on his cheeks HEHEHEHE

ready to hush everyone with that unnecessarily loud "SHHHH" and a death glare if anyone dares to make a sound 👹

he tells himself that he should be confident rn, as you, HIS CRUSH, just fell asleep on him during a study session in the library

… wait. you fell asleep. during a study session.

he's flustered, head over heels in love, ready to marry AND kind of upset now😒

HAN YUJIN

you're on a schooltrip and you're sitting next to each other on the ride back

his eyes went as wide as a saucer as soon as your head hits his shoulder, he didn't even notice you falling asleep because he was busy playing a game on his phone

literally as stiff as a board and more awkward than ever

of course he finds this whole thing kind of cute but… pls give him a notice like 1 week in advance so he can mentally prepare himself for this next time

puts his baseball hat on your head in order to save your eyes from the blazing sun or something idk he saw it in all those romance kdramas

he may looks like he wants you to wake up to everybody else, but he actually wants to spend more time like this (maybe in private next time *cough*) 💔

[profound-bouquetbird]

Hello, saw your post about httyd and I'm happy there is more people here!!!

Can i please request hiccup and female reader who lives on a small island with dragons? They're friends and she even rides one (personally i think wooly howls are so cool), hiccup finds the island while exploring with toothless and they meet.

Maybe he's fascinated that's there's someone else who's like him who's friends with dragons and doesn't want to kill them, maybe there's species he haven't seen before so he becomes a nerd (i love when he and fishlegs get like that).

It's like a small idea that i thought would be cool to see, i think as a one shot during second movie or race to the edge? Whatever you think is best.

Thank you for your time!!!

YESSSSS, I LOVE WOOLY HOWLS!!!!

I didn't watch rtte, buuutttt this is before the second movie took place 👍

I had fun writing this tbh. And, just so you know, this was written from a platonic perspective! But I also think it can be read from a romantic perspective..

Hiccup soared through the air, the salty seawater droplets making small contact with his dragon, Toothless, as they slowly ascended higher up into the sky

"How're you holdin' up, bud?" Hiccup questions as he gently pats his dragon. Toothless only let out a huff as a response, his gaze not shifting, instead focused on the scenery up ahead

Hiccup shook his head lightly, suddenly tugging on the dragons saddle as they flew up into the sky

Hiccup watched as they passed each island, every single one already being in his maps. He furrowed his brows as he let out a huff of annoyance, laying down onto his dragons back

He stared up into the sky, glaring at the clouds as he mumbled words and curses underneath his breath. Toothless paid no mind to him, his focus now on the slowly forming, seemingly unknown piece of land

Toothless let out a growl, turning his head slightly towards Hiccup to warn him. Toothless began growling, jerking his head towards the unknown land, desperately wanting for Hiccup to get out of his frustrated state of mind and to look

"What do you want Toothless." Hiccup breathed out as he sat back up, glaring at the dragon as it managed to turn his head to tug at his sleeve

"Hey- what has gotten into.." Hiccup stopped as he watched the huge piece of land slowly coming towards him, "..you" he breathed out as Toothless let go of his sleeve, facing forwards yet again

A confident smile tugged at the Berk boys lips as he quickly grabbed the saddle, laying down a bit so that the two could go faster

As the two were getting closer and closer, Hiccup watched in awe as the island became more clear

It was a pretty decent sized island, lots of greenery all throughout, but it was rich with beaches and had an odd amount of ice clinging to its side

As the Night Fury landed, Hiccup made sure there weren't any traps before getting off of Toothless. His prosthetic leg squeaked once he got off, he brushed off the nonexistent dirt off of his clothes as he looked around, a smile present on his face

Before he could even get a word out a rustle from the bushes caught his attention. He turned his head at the sound, the Night Fury quickly taking a fighting stance as it stood behind Hiccup

The boy extended his arm, motioning for Toothless to not take action as he slowly approached the rustling bush

His heart pounded in his ears as each step he took made his fear rise up. But that fear quickly disappeared once he saw a small baby dragon playing with a stick

Hiccup let out a sigh of relief as he crouched down, petting the little dragon

"You gave me quite the scare there." He chuckled, petting the top of the dragons head. The small dragon purred in delight as Hiccup slowly examined the species

"A Wooly Howl?" He questions, as if the dragon was going to give him a response. He did gain a response, but not from the small dragon

His eyes widened as he heard a low growl, his head rising up slowly to see, possibly the mother of the little dragon. He slowly began moving his hand away from the small dragon

"Hi?" He said, his voice sounding squeaky. The Wooly Howl furrowed its 'brows' as it slowly opened its mouth, presumably to attack

But the Wooly Howl closed its mouth back up as it heard a whistle, its head immediately turning towards the noise. The small dragon purred in delight as it let go of the stick and ran towards a shadowy figure

Hiccup tilted his head to the side in confusion as he inspected the silhouette. It sure didn't look like a dragon, but it didn't look fully human

Hiccup stood up, his eyes squinted as the figure slowly approached. He was even more confused when the thing came into the light

The figure stood a few feet away from the boy, one of their hands clutching onto a makeshift weapon, their mask shining under the sunlight

The figure mimicked the boy's action, tilting their head to the side as they watched him. Hiccup straightened up, and so did the figure

"What are you?" Hiccup question, although it may have been a stupid thing to ask, the boy was just the tiniest bit lost

The figure let out a chuckle, their free hand going towards their face as they slowly took off their mask. Hiccup's eyes widened in shock as he felt like the wind was knocked out of him

The person shook her head, putting her mask under her arm as she adjusted her mess of a hair

"A better question: what are you doing here?" She asked, a small smile present on her features as she tilted her head to the side, waiting for the boy to answer. The boy jumped slightly, clearing his throat as his dragon slowly walked to his side

"I am Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III, the son of the Chief of Berk, and I am on a little mission of looking for.. islands." He said, hoping that his full name and title would spark fear into the girl, despite his scrawny physique

But the girl paid no mind to his word, her attention fixated on the Night Fury by his side, her lips slightly parted as she was astonished by the dragon

"A Night Fury." She whispers under her breath, slowly approaching the two. Hiccup stumbled back slightly, staring at the approaching girl in confusion, the Night Fury copying his actions

The girl extended her hand out slowly, waiting for the dragon to sniff her hand before resting his head against it. Hiccup watched in awe, but he quickly snapped out of his daze and pulled his dragon back

"Okay- who are you?" Hiccup asked, his hand gripping tightly onto his dragons saddle as he glared at her, not wanting to let his guard down

"Oh! How rude of me!" She chuckled, setting her weapon and mask onto the soft grass as she straightened up her clothes

"I am Y/n L/n.. the dragon rider?" She awkwardly chuckled, giving him a quick bow. The Wooly Howl let out a distorted chuckle behind her, making the girl, Y/n, give the Wooly Howl a quick glare

Hiccup let out a chuckle, his grip loosening before his hand slowly dropped back to his side. He shook his head slightly, looking around, although there wasn't much to look at since he landed in an area surrounded by tall trees

"Would you like a tour?" His head snapped back towards the girl, who was now oddly closer to him, "of the island." The girl added in case he was confused. He smiled, nodding his head a bit before actually speaking

"Yes, that would be appreciated." He sighed. Y/n smiled as she quickly turned around, grabbing her weapon and mask before mounting the Wooly Howl

"Follow me." She chuckled, her voice slightly muffled by the mask. In a blink of an eye, she shot up into the sky

Hiccup watched in awe as the girl ascended, but his gaze was shifted to his dragon, which had nudged him out of his train of thoughts

Hiccup mounted his dragon, quickly shooting up into the sky as he began following the girl

The two flew side by side, hiccup watching as more of the island revealed itself now that he was flying directly above. He examined the the island with interest, taking in each detail. His gaze dropped onto a small clearing which had what looked like a little shack and multiple little crops, he supposes that where Y/n lives

His breath got caught in his throat as he heard the girl beside him whistle, causing the leaves on the trees to rustle as a couple of dragons ascended into the air, flying below the two

He watched as unfamiliar dragons flew past him, giving the boy a quick glance before quickly switching their direction. He chuckled in delight, turning to look back at Y/n

She gave him a nod before making the Wooly Howl plummet towards the ground. Hiccup watched in shock, but quickly followed her actions, flying a few feet above her

She looked back up, seeing the boy following with determination. Y/n gave Hiccup a small wave, tugging lightly on her dragons fur as it changed directions, now hovering a few feet above the ground

Hiccup's eyes widened as he roughly tugged at his saddle, making the dragon quickly change directions and, luckily, not lose his balance. He let out a sigh of relief, shaking his shoulders before going back to following Y/n

He watched as she slowly made her way towards the ground. He smiled, landing down a few feet away

He jumped off of Toothless and rushed to her, his dragon not bothering to quicken his pace

"Did you get a clear view? Or do you need to take another look?" She asks, kicking the sand underneath her feet lightly. Hiccup shakes his head as he sat down onto the ground, pulling out a little notebook

"No need, I've seen enough." He replied, opening up the book to reveal a map. Y/n looked at the map with curiosity, knitting her brows together in confusion at the odd names of the islands

As Hiccup made the adjustment to his map, Y/n couldn't help but chuckle at the odd names of the islands

Once the boy had stuck the piece of paper to his map, he turned to you with a smile

"What do you call this island?" He asked, eagerly tapping his pencil onto the paper. Y/n stared at the map for a little while before turning back towards Hiccup

"Nita?" She blurted out, clearly not having any idea on what the name of the island was. Hiccup smiled and turned back towards his map

"The Land of Nita, quite catchy." He notes, writing the name of the new island down. Once he was done, he set his pencil down and watched in prude at the multiple islands he had found

He tapped his map gently before turning towards the girl yet again. Watching as the air gently blew her hair and as a smile slowly made itself present on her face

"Are you hungry?" She asks. Toothless' head shot up at her as he eagerly nodded, making the girl chuckle lightly as she stood up, motioning for the two to follow

"C'mon, I'll make you something to eat." She said, taking off her mask and giving it to her Wooly Howl, patting its head gently. The Wooly Howl gave her a huff, gently holding the mask in its mouth as it flew away from the three

The girl made her way into the woods, turning to the two as Hiccup clumsily tried to close his map

The girl chuckled, shaking her head as the boy ran towards her

"Hey- if you don't mind me asking, what was that one blue tinted dragon? I don't think I ever saw one like that!" He asks, giving a poor example of what dragon he was talking about as he began walking next to the girl, the Night Fury being a few steps behind them

The girl chuckled as she slowly began telling him the different dragons that had made their way to this island. Hiccup listened closely, the thought of his friends and father being worried slipping his mind completely as he took notes

[justcallmecj]

Alr, unfortunately I am like, 20 minutes late for this but I'm posting it regardless. I made some art of Zarina, my Touchstarved oc, with the Li and I just barely missed the time to have posted them on her birthday.

Anyway, September 6th is Zarina's bday (and mine) so these are a series of Zarina hanging out with our favorite characters and having fun!

Leander:

This one is actually my favorite. I got adventurous and tried some special lighting since this bg is a nigh time one. And, surprisingly enough, it did work! In this image, I totally imagine Zarina being shell shocked at being princess carried, since no ones done this with her since she was a small child.

Kuras:

I loved this base for Zarina and Kuras, but then realized that there are no bg in the game where this will make reasonable sense, so tbh I have no clue what Zarina is pointing at. Sooo, use your imagination! Also, Kuras has such a complex design (they all do) so I'm happy I was able to simplify it while also getting across the same vibe. (pretty proud of that gold on his chest honestly)

Mhin:

Mhin took a bit of time to do. The angle is new to me and was hard to translate their clothing as such, however, I got it in the end. I tried to add that signature red they have in their eyes, like how I do with the emotes I've been doing, but it just didn't look right for some reason. But this is what I ended up with and I'm fine with it (even if they look a tad bit dead inside)

Vere:

Vere is actually the last one I did, finished about 10 minutes ago actually. I had a lot of fun doing him, but to be fair, I have fun drawing Vere all the time. I wish I had the skill/confidence to do those shear parts to his sleeve but I just didn't. Maybe another time. Vere seems to be quite peaceful and content in this art and I'm glad since that was the look I was going for! Also, why are they at the Seaspring? Their waiting for Ais to come back, of course! (Totally not bc there was no other suitable bgs from the game.)

Ais:

And this was the first one I did for this series. I honestly love this one, just like the Leander one, for a different reason. The concept is so fucking funny. I imagine that, bc Zarina is so physically weak and has no combat experience, she gets in a lot of trouble. And while due to plot reasons I can't discuss yet, she would be fine in the end and come out nearly unharmed, the others still step in when they find out. The idea of Ais picking her up like a wet cat to drag her away from trouble tickles the corner of my brain, y'know? And she looks so dejected!

[xxfan-fixx]

Tbh I really like the idea of Demi Alastor and the idea of an older sister Morningstar OC/reader who is a lot like Charlie and Lucifer.

She has natural dark blonde hair and slightly more wavy, has Lilith’s eye shape and teeth, Charlie’s nose, height, and eye colors, and Lucifer’s face minus the red cheeks. Unfortunately she feels self conscious that she looks more like Lilith than Lucifer so she uses make up to make it look like she has them; she grew up not having a great relationship with Lilith but she adores Charlie and Lucifer always tried to make her feel loved.

Even though she never really liked having her photo taken there’s a small handful of photos and portraits of her (she would try to bleach her hair to look like she’s more a part of the family; she has a random genetic from her other Angel relatives who have darker hair but since two blondes don’t make anything but blonde, she has dark blonde *gotta give her some kind of alienation*) Since they’ve been close since childhood, Charlie eventually tried to make her feel better about her natural looks but she still doesn’t like her absence of red cheeks. She tries to avoid being seen without them (make up) as much as possible.

She loves learning about earthly life. She’s really passionate about human history details like style, activities, food, dances, songs.. She acts as the hotel’s chef. (Another part of my thoughts on is inspired by a fanfic based on Alastor and Older sister Reader who admitted their feelings during a ball. *heart bursting*)

~*~(AND)~*~

I have an ‘in-the-works’ sinner OC who is kind of a secret Overlord (I think), who grew up with Alastor (best-friends who had hidden feelings for each other) and when Alastor died she took it out on his killer with her signature style of unaliving people; death by food poisoning. Except that she missed him so much that she decided to go join him by poisoning herself and making sure she went to sleep before the effects took over because she was afraid of the possible pain.

In hell they met up by Alastor “catching” her with his body. He was on his way to find his second victim, and she just so happened to fall out of nowhere on top of him. She didn’t look too different from her human form, so they had a nice reunion and they’d figure out their way together in hell, growing more powerful as a duo. Eventually becoming a couple before the events of Hazbin hotel.

She’d join him at the hotel (post pilot) and become a mother figure for the crew. She’d also be some sort of confidant like Husker, but by having people sit in the kitchen while she cooks or bakes and having them be taste testers or she’d make a batch just for them or a cup of whatever drink/shake (she doesn’t poison the food because she genuinely cares for people unless they give her a reason to be weary/ like Charlie she looks for the good in others). She’d also be the only one who Husker is ok with who’s a part of Alastor’s life. With Nifty she leaves her be but Nifty loves her and likes to help clean the kitchen.

She keeps souls under her similar to Alastor but they work at her restaurant in the cannibal colony district. It’s an ever changing restaurant style she uses her magic to turn into whatever she’s deciding for that week or month. With Mimzy she’s cordial but annoyed. On the other hand, with Rosie she adores her and helps her with whatever she needs. They go shopping and have lunches together either just the two of them or with Alastor as well. In the case of Alastor’s and Vox’s rivalry, she leaves them be.

Everyone knows she’s Alastor’s girl but they don’t dare to try anything. Just incase though; when she looked over at Charlie’s phone one day when she was showing her new recipes she likes it made her want to find more, so she received a modified smart phone from Charlie who somehow has Voxtech protection (a headcanon that I have is that Vox has tried to infiltrate Lucifer’s or Charlie’s phone before but they found a way to block him). Alastor is bummed she has modern technology but the only thing she really uses it is for her restaurant and recipes. She’s like a grandma in a 30 year old’s body; having to ask the younger ones for help on the phone. It’s adorable.

(Both OC ideas are based on working as the hotel’s chef) *lol thinking about the part in episode 5 with Lucifer singing “-now that you’ve got the chef” referencing himself but a quick pan to OC/reader with a half wtf/half whatever face* (also both inserts I named in my head Genevieve “Jenny” for short- I have no clue what the sinner OC’s last name would be tho-)

Genevieve “Jenny” Morningstar is such a cute name I think for an older sister insert *im squealing*

[algea]

Ghoul School (pt 2)

prompt: when you get out of the hospital, Lars has put it onto himself to take care of you until you're healed. I can confirm that there is a big chuck of text where you're really pissed off at him before he gets his shit together!

warnings: tbh i literally dont even know. umm yeah your shin is broken and you're concussed so. things may or may not get a little steamy...cussing duh

a/n: im super mega surprised all my Lars stuff has gotten popular; i think it’s very insanely unhealthy how much i love James Acaster.

~ there are a LOT of little secret references to James in here, comment what you picked out ;)

~ also this is probably longer than the first part idk, but its officially the longest post ive written @jesssuperwholock03

~requested by @thestralluvr

Lars visited you everyday. Every morning, every evening after work, sometimes even over his lunch breaks, like clockwork. You were beginning to think it was seriously unhealthy. You were lying in the hospital bed, 4 days after the incident, with your eyes closed. You heard a soft click of the door and you cracked your eyes slightly. You, being oh-so-surprised, were met with the tired face of your crush colleague and work partner. He wore his jumper tied around his waist, a dark colored button up adorning his body. His hair looked disheveled, which could only mean he had just finished a job. He looked so tired, more tired than you've ever seen him be. It was annoying, honestly. Annoying how attractive he was without even trying. 'Why can't I look like that' you thought to yourself, mentally frowning. You decided to acknowledge his presence, seeing how he took time, again, out of his day to come and visit you.

"Lars." You stated, turning your head look over at him. Lars froze, gazing down at your solemn face. You started to reach out to him, but thought otherwise and rested your hand back on the crisp sheets. You watched as he pushed his glasses up and pulled a chair to sit beside you. Lars rested his forearms on the edge of the bed, his hands clasped.

"I was told that you'll be able to get out of here today." He whispered, his tired eyes searching your face. He was desperate for you to come back, back to how things used to be, where he would tease you, and you would always find witty comeback. But he knew you couldn't, not for a while at least. Lars was so scared you weren't going to be able to work for Ghost Corps anymore, especially since the concussion you got really fucked up your head. Not to mention your shin, which was a huge impact on you.

Lars let out a shaky breath. He unclasped his hands and ran one through his hair. You reached out, more confidently this time, and rested your hand on his. He didn't move his hand; he was scared if you let go, you'd disappear.

"Lars." You said again, your face flashing with worry. Your other hand softly touched his chin, holding his face so delicately.

"I'm scared that you're not going to come back." Lars stated, grimacing at the words that flew out of his mouth.

"Why wouldn't I come back? What made you think this?" You asked, your eyebrows drawing together in a sad furrow.

"I want things to be the same, I don't want things to change." He whispered quietly, his eyes cast down.

"I think you and I both know that it won't be the same, neither of us want to admit it. Normally, you don't go around kissing people and pretend like you hate each other for the rest of your life." You explained, searching his eyes for an answer. His eyes glanced back at you as his cheeks burned with pink. You tipped his head to the side ever so slightly, your thumb brushing over his cheekbone.

"That's unfair, Lars. You can't expect me to leave you alone after that." You pleaded.

"Can we just drop it? It really doesn't fucking matter right now.” Lars snapped. You drew your hand away from his face, hurt flashing across your face.

“What I meant was that we should focus on getting you out of here.” He frantically explained. He reached for your hand, but you pulled away again. Lars had never felt an emotion like this. His ears were ringing and his brain was hazy. It could’ve only been described as embarrassment. He wouldn't cry, no, that's not what he wanted to do. He wanted to apologize over and over again until you'd forget he ever did anything or said anything.

“I think it's maybe time for you to go. When I get out, do me a favor and send Lucky and Pheebs to get me.” You muttered, looking down at your hands. Lars sat there for a few moments, his jaw clenched. He wanted to say something, anything, to make you understand how he felt. Instead, he got up and, with a longing gaze down at you, left.

You felt hot tears sting your eyes, which you allowed to fall down your cheeks. If he wanted to play that dumbass game again, you could do it, just not like you used to. You didn't realize that you were holding your breath until he walked out of the door, not looking back. You slammed your hand down on the bed in a fit of rage, which turned into a soft cry. You wished that you could make better sense of it all, but your wishes never came true.

It was only 2 hours after that you were discharged. Lucky and Phoebe, just as you had requested, rushed in to see you as soon as they could.

"Y/N!" Phoebe exclaimed, running to you and giving you a big hug. You smiled and hugged her back, or at least as much as you could with your crutches. Lucky joined in on the hug before you parted and started making your way to the car.

"Everyone is so happy you're coming home! We've all been super worried." Phoebe smiled, giving you a big smile.

"I'm so happy I get to see you guys again, Pheebs." You grinned back, ruffling her hair. Your mind wandered to Lars as you crutched your way to the car.

"Has um..." You started, realizing that the words were harder to get out of your mouth than you thought.

"He's not here. I haven't seen him since we went out this morning." Lucky explained, catching on to what you were about to ask. You looked down and nodded. 'Of course, how could I be so goddamn stupid.' You thought. Phoebe helped you into the car while Lucky set your crutches next to you. Trevor was driving, which was a whole other risk to be taking.

"Since when did they let you drive?" You asked, grinning at Trevor.

"Since Lars bailed at the last minute. I'm a great driver, so I have no idea what you're even talking about." Trevor bragged. 'He bailed at last minute? He never does that...' You thought sadly. He could've just been working really hard on whatever science thing he was studying. You really didn't know, but it did cut a little.

You didn't know you were carsick until you let Trevor drive you home. You thought Lars was a bad driver, but you quickly realized that Trevor was on the list of 'Never-Ever Drive Me Again,' along with Gary and Ray. You made a mental note of that as you struggled to stand to get out of the car. Trevor quickly rushed to your side to help you, easily pulling you up. You casted your gaze up, which fell on the Firehouse. 'Oh good, he won't be here.' You thought, as a feeling of relief washed over you. You hobbled in next to Phoebe and Trevor with Lucky trailing in not far behind. Callie and Gary stood right after the door, waiting for your arrival. As soon as you entered the Firehouse they were by your side, giving you warm 'hello's' and 'I'm so happy you're back and ok.' You were quick to hug them, hoping to talk to them about your situation with Lars.

"Alright kiddos, time to let the adults talk." Gary clapped, shooing away the smaller kids.

"Hey but I'm not-!" Trevor started, but was dragged away by Lucky. You three sat down around a table. It was silent for a moment as you tried to say what was on your mind.

"Did he come see you?" Callie asked, leaning in close.

"He came and saw me everyday. Sometimes up to three times." You whispered, your hands clasped together. Callie and Gary looked at each other.

"But when he came and saw me this morning, he was different. He was super moody, and got upset when I tried to confront him about kissing me like you said for me to do. I don't know if he doesn't like confrontation or if he, yknow, might be seeing someone else." You went on, nervously biting your nails.

"Y/N, I seriously doubt that there's many women who actually like Lars, much less want to even date him." Gary said, using his left hand to talk. 'Is he right? But I'm sure women think Lars is attractive.' You thought, scrunching your eyebrows together.

"I'm pretty certain that you're like the only woman he's ever talked to in a romantic way, probably even the only woman he’s ever even talked to." Callie confirmed.

"Either way, he likes you. We all know that." Gary finished. You were really hoping he was right, otherwise you were a fool being played.

You chatted for a little while longer, mostly about anything and everything that came to mind. After a while, you told them that you were ready to head home.

"I'll drive you home." Callie said, standing up and grabbing the keys. The ride home was filled with you and Callie singing awful 80's songs, the vast majority of them by Tears for Fears. That was something that cleaned your soul and freed your mind a while. Callie helped you into your apartment before she left with a hug and a warm 'see you soon.' You were seriously hoping that your torture would end.

After a day, you got restless. So restless that you decided to go back to the lab and start working again. Yes, it was idiotically stupid. No, you weren't going to listen to anyone and take a break. Honestly it was going to happen anyways. You walked into the lab the first day, partially hoping that Lars was going to be there, but alas he wasn't. You felt disappointment but you were hopeful that you'd see him tomorrow. Except you didn't. More days past by and you hadn't seen any sign of Lars in the lab at all. You were starting to get more and more worried.

It had been more than a week and you hadn’t seen Lars since. Concern was growing and you were growing weary waiting for him to return. It was extremely hard taking care of yourself, especially since you had to trek a long ways to get yourself to your car outside of your apartment. Finally, you decided it was time to go see Lars. It pissed you off so much that you were running to him, instead of him coming to you. You knew his place, mostly because you, Phoebe, Trevor, and Lucky would sometimes prank him by doing something so absurd he would tremble with anger. That was back when you had your little schoolgirl crush on him, before you realized that you loved him.

You decided to walk, opting for the fact that he knows your car all too well. You weren’t even sure if he was there, you really didn’t even bother checking to see in your group FindMy. You didn’t even bother use your crutches because they were stupid anyways, you could walk just find even though you had a little limp. God you just wanted to fucking punch his stupidly handsome face. He made your blood boil so much.

You were only a few blocks from from his house when it started to rain. Not just a light rain, but a pour. You grew a little worried for your cast, but continued on. You were completely drenched by the time you were on his doorstep. Even worse, it was cold out. You stood on his doorstep for a minute before you started to knock on his door. You breathed out, seeing your own breath in the air. You were so cold. No one answered, which was pretty typical for Lars. He was probably standing in the kitchen, not going to open the door.

"Lars!!" You yelled, knocking on the door some more. Water dripped from your face and you shivered again. The door still didn't open. You sighed and started walking away, the pouring rain drenching you again. You started to tread back to your apartment when you heard a loud bang and turned your head. There Lars was, standing in the doorway, eyes wide as he stared at you.

"Y/N!" Lars yelled back, meeting you in the rain. He craned his head to look down at you, his hands flying to meet your face.

"What are you doing here?" He said, his thumb swiping at your cheek.

"I came to see you. Where the fuck have you been, Lars Pinfield?!" You boomed, your right hand gripping the front of his shirt. His head dropped and he closed his eyes.

"I...I couldn't face you after that dumb shit I pulled. I wanted to apologize, really I did, but I couldn't bring myself to face you." Lars explained, his breath creating a misty cloud. All that either of you could do was stare at each other incredulously.

“Are you fucking stupid? I’ve wanted to see you all week, but your dumbass wouldn’t show up. Jesus Christ Lars, do you have any clue how much I’ve missed you? You’re so goddamn unfair you know that?!” You screamed, pounding on his chest. Lars’ hands moved from your face to your waist, holding you steady while you angrily punched him. He could only see you through his hair, which now stuck to his forehead, and his rain covered glasses which were fogging up. He was freezing, but all he could ever think about was you. How cold were you? Why would you sacrifice your time, hell, your health to come see him. He really couldn’t understand it. He couldn’t comprehend why someone would ever do that for someone. You would think with him being such a genius he would figure it out, however some people can be dense. But he realized that you were giving up all your time to invest in him. So, he decided that he needed to do the same.

"Do you think, maybe, that you'd want to spend the rest of your life, with me, maybe not just hating each other. And maybe not while hating each other, you'd like to be with me, y'know, for a long while?" Lars whispered, causing you to stop throwing punches. You looked up at him, in all his rain drenched glory. God, he looked so beautiful. You began to tremble, your hands lifting to capture his face with them. Lars breath quickened, his large hands gripping your waist. His hazy blue eyes captured yours, holding you in his everlasting gaze.

"Lars..." You murmured, swiping your thumb across his bottom lip. It was soft, softer than you thought it would've been. You found yourself daydreaming again about kissing him, though you'd never let him know how many times you've done it. You realized how close you were after you felt his breath against your cheek. You leaned in closer, pressing your chest against his. It was like something out of a movie, the way time stopped then. When your lips pressed against his, your body shuddered. It was like fireworks went off inside of you, making you all jittery and excited. Lars' hands slipped from your waist to your ass, softly gripping the flesh there. You slipped your fingers into his blond locks, tugging lightly. You heard a light groan rumble from his chest as he pressed into you further.

You weren't sure if the rain mixed with the cold had made you delirious, but after Lars had pulled away, it made him look even hotter. His tousled, wet hair, his lips that were red after the kiss, the ruby flush that adorned his cheeks and ears, and his half-lidded eyes made him even more beautiful. You found yourself feeling heat creep up through your neck to your cheeks as he stared down at you.

“Shit, right, you need to get inside, now.” Lars commanded, dragging you towards the door.

“Lars—!” You exclaimed, eyes widening as he basically picked you up. Your hands fly to grip the shirt on his back as you hoists you over his shoulder. He muttered a few things under his breath as he strolled to the door, obviously not caring that the rain was coming down harder. Lars opened the door, set you down, and shut the door with the heel of his shoe.

“Give me a second.” He commanded, leaving you standing in the foyer. You shivered and looked around, noticing some things that seemed quite out of place. Lars had multiple different band posters framed and hung up around the house, most of them signed. You could pick out a few like Pindrop, Temps, and the Timewasters. You also found multiple different movie titles like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and other things. ‘Interesting’ You thought as you took in your surroundings. Lars appeared again with a towel and some sort of clothes he had found for you to wear.

“If you fuck up my good clothes, I’m kicking your ass to the curb again.” Lars sighed, throwing the towel at you.

“Whatever, brainiac.” You bit back, trying to hold back your grin as you shoved past him. That earned a scoff and an eye roll from Lars.

“Washroom is down the right hall, second door to the left.” He called, peaking down at you as you went to change.

Lars had never had a girl in his house before. Other than the times his mother and sister had come over from Britain, obviously. His “outside” friends insisted that he bring a girl home, but he couldn’t ever bring himself to when he could only think of you. It made him a little giddy knowing that you were here with him. It was like a fever dream, if he woke up it all would be gone. He wanted to pinch himself to make sure that there was a way to prove that this was real. Lars found himself wondering if you liked how his house was decorated, the clothes he brought you, even the way the house smelt. At the thought of these, he began to worry that you didn’t like it here. Those thoughts were denied when you waddled back from the bathroom, furiously rubbing at your hair to dry it. It was silly, really. Lars thought you looked a little too good in his clothes. His Temps T-shirt was too big for you, and his plaid pj pants were rolled a few times to even try and fit you.

“You look stupid in that.” Lars scoffed once more, looking anywhere but your face.

“Hey man, you picked this out. Don’t blame me for your shit style.” You tried back. A hint of a smile could be found dawning his face. You smirked and poked his cheek.

“Is that a smile I see? Is the Lars Pinfield smiling in my presence?” You giggled, covering your mouth with your hand to fake gasp.

“No, it isn’t.” He replied, the smile growing wider on his face.

“It so totally is!!! Lars Pinfield is literally smiling right in front of me!” You exclaimed. He shook his head.

“Shut up. Anyways, I’m getting changed, don’t fucking break anything.” Lars sighed, sliding past you.

“You can put on anything, just as long as it’s not some stupid BritCom.” He added, shutting the door to his room.

“Who even watches BritComs…” You muttered to yourself. Walking back into the main foyer, you sat down on the sofa, which was surprisingly nice compared to how you thought your scientist boyfriend colleague lived. You sat down and flicked through the channels, stopping on whatever stupid romcom movie was on. You sighed and put your chin in your hand, anticipating the snappy response of ‘this is the shittiest movie I’ve ever seen.’

“Hey.” You heard from above you. Looking up, you saw Lars resting his elbows on the top of the sofa next to you.

“Hi.” You peeped back. Secretly, you were gawking at him. Lars wore a pair of white sweatpants and a black shirt. You’ve never seen him in casual wear, but you were absolutely loving it right now. His glasses weren’t pushed up, loosely sitting below the bridge of his nose, and his hair was still damp. If this wasn’t heaven, you didn’t know what was.

“What’re we watching?” He asked, glancing down at you. You shivered when his eyes locked on to yours.

“Some stupid romcom, you probably won’t like it anyways.” You answered.

“You’re right, I’ll probably think it’s super shitty, but I’ll watch it anyways.” He sighed, tipping his head towards you. You reached up and placed a kiss on his lips. Lars scrunched his eyebrows and sighed. After you pulled away, you patted the seat beside you, beckoning him to sit down. He all but scrambled to get next to you, plopping down with another big sigh.

“How’s your leg?” Lars asked once more, motioning to it with his eyes.

“It has definitely seen better days.” You replied earnestly. He nodded in sincerity, then turned his attention back to whatever you were watching. You looked over at him again before reaching over and slipping your hand into his. He didn't move, so you considered it a win. Taking matters into your hands again, you slid closer to him and rested your head on his shoulder. Lars' head rested on top of yours immediately and you smiled as he snuggled in closer. You could smell whatever cologne he was wearing, a citrusy, vanilla smell.

"You smell good." You muttered, looking up at him through your lashes. Lars didn't reply, but you could definitely imagine the look on his face. That little embarrassed smile with a scarlet blush dusting his cheeks. You found yourself becoming a little sleepy as you settled in. Blinking a few times, you tried to wake yourself up, but that only made you even more sleepy. Unintentionally, you started to fall asleep. As you drifted off to sleep, you could hear Lars mutter something to you, but you didn't respond.

Somehow, in the middle of the night, you had moved from the sofa, to Lars' bed. Now you only had 2 options as to how you got there. 1. You sleep walked to the bed and magically laid down, or 2. Lars had carried you there. You groaned and opened your eyes, lifting a hand to rub them. You blinked a couple times and sat up. No, Lars wasn't in here. So then, where was he? You slipped out of bed and stumbled to the kitchen, finding that he wasn't there either. A cup of coffee and some breakfast was left on the counter, along with a note saying,

'I'll be back later, got a couple things I need to work on at the lab. I left you some breakfast and I'm sure you can fend for yourself for lunch. Please don't burn the house down. - Lars' You smiled and picked up the coffee, finding that it was still steaming. You noticed that Lars had made the coffee the way you liked it, which meant he definitely paid attention whenever you ordered it.

After basically spending the whole day exploring Lars' house, you settled into the sofa once more with a random book you had picked out of his bookcase. Hearing keys jingle, you lifted your head from the book and saw Lars venture in. You slowly got up, minding both your head and leg, and made your way over to him.

"Hi handsome, how did work go?" You smiled at him, leaning against the doorway.

"It was...eventful. I got thrown up on by pukey." Lars sighed. You laughed and patted his shoulder.

"That was probably hilarious. I'll make dinner while you take a shower." You said, pushing him along to the bathroom.

"Mmmm, fine. But..." He started before he swooped down and kissed you. Your hand flew to his hair, giving it a nice tug. With that came a loud groan. Lars' gripped your waist and pushed you against the wall. His tongue swiped at your lips, which you gladly accepted. You snatched his glasses and tossed them away, squirming slightly as his nails dug your waist. When he pulled away he grinned,

"Looks like I'm not getting my shower in tonight."

[doberbutts]

The name anon

Yeah I got that like a minute after I sent that ask, took a little bit (I can be slow lol)

It's not even thinly veiled tbh. It's just outright racist. The original tweet is weird, the additional tweets are worse (probably because roan is, unfortunately, cultivating the sort of fanbase that most popstars have, but that's besides the point really). But it's also like. Damn, people will do anything to jump at a throat of a woman, twice as much if she's black and that screenshot has both of that. And it all started because someone said a name wrong - probably a little, though I didn't see the tiktok, to be fair, so idk what degree of wrongness it is.

I'm just baffled sorry if neither of my asks made too much sense

Oh the reason I'm uninterested in pursuing anything with Roan is because the majority of people I see raving about her music have the most aggravating political posts one can possibly think of- quite a lot of radfems and terfs and people acting like they're experts on black politics because they follow a NONBLACK pop star and I just don't have time, energy, or patience for that nonsense.

I know absolutely nothing about her music or her personal politics, she may be the next hit sensation with music that would make angels weep for joy and a heart of gold, but if what little pieces of her fans I have seen are indicative of the larger fan base then unfortunately that drops my interest to just about zero.

(This was also the case for a long time with blue eye samurai, which I'm actually quite glad I gave a chance at a friend's urging, because I also want nothing to do with the fandom due to this behavior but I did like the show quite a lot)

Whether or not Roan said Harris' name incorrectly is sort of a moot point to me- fro. A brief glance at their history of public social media interactions, any incorrect name pronunciation was most likely not intentional or a deliberate slight, and to be fair I also had to be told how she actually says her name because I didn't know either. My concern is wholly on the fact that we've once again decided that black people aren't knowledgeable enough to speak confidently on their own existence, but nonblack people are better at being black than black people.

That's, um, well. Aggravating politics doesn't even begin to cover it

[grape-jucie-dog]

I'm going on a yap session about my Devil AU because 600 Strike actually gave me an idea. This is a long post so I apologize-

Ok so if you're new and aren't aware of the Devil AU, THAT'S TOTALLY FINE. I haven't posted much about it here on Tumblr, and I'm not a huge creator or anything, so of course not many people know of it.

The Devil AU is an AU where Athena plots to overthrow Zeus after the events of Epic the musical. This AU was inspired by Teagan's song, DEVIL, hence the name. There are two storylines with this AU: The canon version, where all of the Gods help her overthrow Zeus, and the non canon version, where the gods are against the idea, which makes Athena snap at them too. Originally it took place after God Games, but there's a fic I wrote that gave me a better idea and a better motive for Athena.

The main motives are:

The death of Pallas. I know there's a few people who don't believe Pallas and Athena were lovers, but I like to think at the VERY least it was one-sided love or a QPR. Whatever the relationship was (friends, one sided, lovers, family even), this really shook Athena. I like to think Zeus truly didn't mean to harm Pallas, but in this AU he was extremely dismissive about her death, which greatly upset Athena.

God Games of course. In Greek Mythology, it's said that Athena is Zeus' favorite child, and she does basically whatever he orders her to do. And the one time she asks him for something, he strikes her with lightning that leaves her with scars and seizures? I'd be pissed too.

The death of the royal family. In this AU, Zeus kills Odysseus, Penelope, and Telemachus as a punishment, believing Athena was "getting too soft". This of course REALLY shakes Athena up, and it's her final straw before she completely snaps.

Now, I know this AU will take A LOT of time in the story. There needs to be enough time for Athena to heal more from her injuries, and plotting to kill the king of gods and your own father would definitely take a lot of time to do. I don't have a confident timeline just yet, BUT, I do have weapons.

Athena has two new weapons. Well, technically one, but we'll get to that in a second. I gave her these metal claws to represent talons, mostly because I thought it was cool, and also because the vivid image of Athena scratching one of Zeus' eyes out lives rent free in my head. The other thing is an upgrade to her spear, which doubles as a Scythe as well now. In the main/official storyline, Hephaestus gives these to her. In the no canon version of the AU, Athena basically steals them.

Now for the idea 600 Strike ended up giving me

Originally, I was gonna have Athena fight Zeus alone. She gets pretty battered, but she ends up defeating him by slicing him in half with her scythe (after getting her arm snapped by Zeus-). I'm probably going to keep this for the non canon story tbh, anyways-

600 strike made me picture Athena and the other gods all fighting Zeus (I'm tempted to throw Ody in the fight because of Hades being like "lol let's piss him off more by bringing Odysseus). Zeus laughs in their faces, being all like "You're too weak to stop me" and Athena goes "Oh really?" and uses her Scythe to slice off his limbs. Then it turns back into a spear, and she stabs him repeatedly. And after that she uses her claws to dig into him further before resulting to just punching the absolutely daylights out of him. Eventually Ares pulls her away from Zeus (who's definitely knocked TF out after all of that), and Athena finally gets her revenge for everything Zeus has done.

That's basically it. I'm still kind of developing this AU and trying to fill in the plot holes, BUT LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS THINK! And feel free to ask me questions or give me suggestions :3

And I'm so sorry this post is so long-

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not defending an ex-friend when people called her a slut?

I (20 f) fell out with my best friend and roommate M (20 f) at the end of sophomore year of college. reason we fell out isn't the main subject of this post but I think it's relevant so I'll try and keep it as brief as possible.

For context I'm Black attending a VERY white school. Frenshman year I was the only black girl in my building and this was just post-covid so student groups were pretty dead. So first trimester most of my college friends were the girls from my floor including M (white) and S (20f, asian american). It was very isolating tbh, esp bc I experienced a lot of microaggressions, but the girls I befriended were pretty good at sharing my outrage and letting me confide in them.

The worst incident was when at a party, a guy (G, white) made some very racist comments towards me and in general (said the n-word a few times). I admit I escalated it by engaging w him and the whole thing got out of hand, a lot of people saw, and he got a reputation as a racist. Afterwards, he was always rude to me, blaming me for egging him on while drunk and just constantly making disrespectful comments about me and my 'attitude' where i could hear. no one ever said anything to his face but were supportive of me after the fact - S was always particularly supportive and said she could relate.

I was generally fine with avoiding G esp in sophomore year when we moved out. I lived with M and another friend (P) and it went pretty well. We were asked in like November if we would renew our lease, and though M and I wanted to the third friend didn't, so we began to think of replacements, and S was looking for a place.

Thing is, while S and I were still on good terms I felt like she was being a bit secretive w me. She'd often come over and talk privately w M and I got the gist she was seeing someone and didn't want me to know. I shook it off as us growing apart and the fact I'd gotten more involved in Black student groups and hadn't hung around with our dorm friends as much, but then in Jan, as we were planning to sign the new lease, I found out she was dating G. Tbh at this point we weren't even close friends that I felt a strong personal betrayal, but more so I was mad at them both for not telling me while making plans for us to live together. They knew I was uncomfortable around G and wouldn't want to live w his gf, esp without knowing. It felt like they were almost purposefully going behind my back.

I didn't do anything at the time, just slowly backed out of the lease renewal and made other arrangements. I stopped hanging out with S almost completely and was just cordial w her and took a big step back from M and our dorm friends.

The other relevant bit of context here is M had a boyfriend (T, 20 m) who was in our freshman dorm and very close to our year one friends (lived with them sophomore year and now junior year too). She broke up w him in Feb, which led to a lot of her friendships w our dorm friends (her only friends really) to deteriorate a bit, esp as she was no longer super comfy hanging around where he was. this especially became an issue in the spring trimester bc she got a new boyfriend over the break, a friend from her classes T hadn't liked.

So, M kept pressuring me to hang out w her and our dorm friends a lot more, which inevitably meant seeing S and now G, who they'd all decided they were cool being around when I distanced myself. I told her why i didn't want to and I didn't want to see G again but she promised he had 'changed' and wouldn't say anything to me. eventually I folded and went out w them all once and it honestly sucked. M completely abandoned me to be w her other friends, G didn't say anything but kept glaring at me the whole time, and I felt very out of place. afterwards I told M i was sorry, I know she felt awkward around her ex without me, but I wouldn't do that again.

She left it till like the end of the year then there was a big dinner she really wanted to go to that T would be at (her bf was not invited), w all our dorm friends. I kept saying I wouldn't go, but then she told me she checked w the hosts and confirmed (and promised) G wouldn't be coming. I said okay but asked we sit next to each other and made it clear how I felt around S etc, and she agreed and promised we would. Long story short G was there, I wound up next to S and across from him snickering at me the whole time, with her on the other end of the table. I texted M about it, she said it was 'fine' and I was imagining it and to try and enjoy the gathering.. yeah no. I dipped before desert, she chased me outside asking what was up and I explained why i was upset, she said i can't expect her to be there for me the whole night and she's allowed to 'have a good night without my drama,' i said racism wasn't drama and she literally dragged me along to deal with her drama, nevermind my comfort, and that she was an incredibly selfish friend for putting me in this position. I left, she wound up crying with everyone comforting her, everyone there (M included) went off at me for being an unsupportive friend/dredging up year old drama with G/overall making everything about race, I cut them all off and moved my stuff into my girlfriend's place a week after all this and didn't speak to anyone since.

which is pretty much all the backstory (longer than the main bit, sorry), that gets us to the actual AITA situation. Junior year starts, I'm at a welcome back party w some other friends and i'm vaguely aware my old dorm friends (including S and G) are also here, but it's a huge party and i'm w my very supportive friends who ik will back me if anything happens so i dont really care. eventually M arrives w her bf, gives me an awkward look but doesn't say anything to me.

Then at some point, I'm upstairs using the bathroom and I hear the girls from our dorm group speaking to M in the hallway. Apparently it came out over summer she'd hooked up w her new boyfriend before she ended things with T and they were all pissed at her (esp for her playing the victim w her ex). I tried to stay in the bathroom until the conversation ended but someone was pounding on the door and I wound up having to get out and waddle past them awkwardly to get back downstairs. When I got out one of the girls was calling M a slut and other names and while i tried to avoid it I accidentally made eye contact with M, who was super upset and crying. I kinda just shrugged and went downstairs.

Later that night i got a long ass message from her new bf about how he knows I'm upset with her but it wasn't fair for me to just leave her in that situation, and that it was petty and selfish of me (esp bc I'm usually the person calling out this shit). I spoke to my gf, and she said she understands why i did nothing but also that it's never okay for people to call someone a slut. I agree with that 100% and in any other case i might have tried to diffuse the situation (like if it was safe and I thought I could). I've told a couple friends who think I did nothing wrong and it wasn't fair to expect me to say smth when she never said/did anything to defend me and that she had it coming, but my mom told me I should've done the kind thing and not stoop to their level and it's made me feel really bad. I think I might be TA bc i could have stood up for her without anything bad happening to me beyond being in an uncomfortable convo, and also bc it kinda felt good seeing her friends turn on her? Like she threw me under the bus to be in their good books and defend them and they dropped her ass anyway, and if I acted from a vengeful place then thats asshole-y of me. but also no one in this story has apologised to me once and as my friend says its not fair to rely on black ppl to fix racist white ppls mess.

so, AITA?

What are these acronyms?