#This is probably better than the PTSD dreams

[swampndn]

You ever have dreams where you have what you've always wanted then wake up knowing you're not even remotely close to that? Like wtf that's mean, brain

[thesilmarillionblog]

𓏲 𓂃 L o s i n g Y o u

Part: 9

Click here to read the first part.

Summary: Everything was good as a member of Payback and Soldier Boy's secret girlfriend until the team and your relationship with him began to fall apart due to a new member and her developing relationship with Ben right in front of your eyes.

Pairing: Soldier Boy / Reader

Warnings: +18!(MINORS DNI), heavy angst, hurt, male masturbation, language, Soldier Boy is an asshole, PTSD, mention of drugs, mention of torture

Word Count: 4290

A/N: English is not my first language.

* This story is inspired by the song "Losing You" by Dream Evil.

Ben's chest began to feel colder beneath your fingertips, and the intense glow gradually subsided. Ben continued to stare at you in a way that defied explanation. It amazed you both that you were able to prevent the dangerous warmth in his chest, or perhaps he was controlling it subconsciously. But you knew you were the one who diverted his attention. While the heat beneath his body seemed under control, one of his gloved hands held yours on his chest, giving you an intimate look.

You muttered, trying to figure out what was wrong with him. “What happened to you?” Until you were certain he was indeed alright, you ignored the firm grip he had on your hand. You realized that he was probably not the one who intentionally exploded New York and that there was something very wrong with him. 

“Well, baby, I'm not sure.” He gently put his palm closer to yours and remarked, “It's probably just a side effect of the things that happened to me in that fucking lab in Russia.”

You persisted by stating, “This looks dangerous, Ben,” despite his attempts to downplay his predicament and his continuous holding of your hands as if you were going to push him at any moment. “You might continue harming innocent people if you don't find a way to stop.”

Ben felt a wave of uneasiness pass over him, and his fingers tightened around yours. Because he was unsure of how to use his newfound abilities, he felt like a freshly empowered teenager, and you treated him as though you were a parent cautioning a careless youngster, which disturbed him and caused a sense of insecurity to take over.

“It's not a big deal,” Ben muttered in a harsh voice, trying to give the impression that he was stronger than this—even though at the moment he didn't feel like it. “As you can see, nothing happened. I suppose you were able to handle this for me in some way.”

You pushed his hands away and withdrew immediately when you verified that his body temperature had returned to normal. Ben scowled at the fact that, in contrast to him, you weren't very excited to be near since you two met again, but he felt as though his body would explode if he didn't get to touch you right away. His balls felt particularly heavy under his supe suit, and he didn't jerk off

for days—actually, years. Maybe you just needed to be alone with him to make a step.

“I think it's best that we remain together for the time being,” you stated in a serious tone. “Ben, it won't be good if you blow up again and can't control yourself.”

When you finally agreed to stay with Ben, he felt a sense of satisfaction that kept him smiling nefariously. He reasoned that maybe his newfound abilities weren't all that useless after all. 

Ben grinned slyly and replied, “Course, sweetheart, since you're persisting in being with me that much. It would be better if I didn't stay alone.”

As he scanned your upper body expectantly and dismissed the situation with humor, you rolled your eyes.

“I believe there's a problem with his powers,” you turned to Butcher after you pushed Ben aside before he trapped you again and you sat down on the coach. “It is better if I stay with him.”

“If that's what you want, of course. Because of the situation going on in his chest, his ass gave us all enough trouble.”

Sitting on a coach with a coke in his hands, Ben followed you while you had a small talk with Butcher, his jaw clenching with jealousy, but he didn’t say a thing to make you feel uncomfortable.

Ben said, “It's not a big deal,” with an unkind glare in Butcher's direction.

Butcher said irritably, “It might not be for you, but it's a fucking big deal for us and all the people out there. In addition, I was wondering if the two of you could convince your former buddies to kill Homelander.”

“What?” you exclaimed, stunned. He spoke as though your guys had not always held hostility toward Ben. When he abruptly vanished, they most likely celebrated his absence. “Why do you believe they would offer Ben any kind of support at all? Everyone despised him.”

“Are you able to track them down?” Ben asked abruptly.

“They would hate to see you,” you murmured, your eyes widening in disbelief.

“When I find them, they fucking better piss in their suits,” Ben stated in a stern tone. “Noir will be the first person I'll fucking slaughter out of all of them.”

You cut him off, glaring at him, saying, “You stay away from Earving. You caused enough suffering for them all.”

“Why do you defend those who betray pathetic losers with such devotion?”

Since you've already been through a lot, Ben tried not to lose his temper when he was speaking with you, but he couldn't help but become enraged when he saw you standing up for betraying shitheads over him. He had great intentions for the two of you and was the only one who truly cared about you. 

“Not them, Ben, but Vought was the one who betrayed both of us.”

You sighed and tried to seem empathetic and nice so as not to get on Ben's nerves too much because his new powers were already causing difficulties. 

“Where were Noir or others when you were in that lab while the doctors were torturing you?” Ben pointed a finger in your face and demanded furiously. “You continue to defend those bitches against me, even though I am the only one who fucking saved you.”

“Ben, I won't argue with you.” With a wink, you teased him, saying, “You seem too sensitive for a proper conversation right now.”

Ben responded, “You are not making me angry, sweetie,” glancing at your body as your smile vanished and your cheeks turned crimson. “I want to take my meat off and jerk off at the moment because of you.”

Butcher replied, “Not on my fucking coach,” as you crossed your arms over your chest and averted your gaze from Ben's keen gaze.

Ben stated, “You tell me,” in a serious manner. “Where am I going to spend a week with Y/N?”

Ben was kind of relieved that he and you were both saved, even though he had not trusted Butcher and the others at all. He would have the opportunity to express how much he missed you in every way and would definitely help you start a second time by spending an entire week with you. You could speak, fuck, and do all of that for an entire week.

Feeling his balls getting tighter under his suit, he shifted on the coach, thinking of you in nasty positions, just like in the good old days. 

“The location is arranged. Despite the little place to stay, I believe the two of you can get by for a week without needing any extra care.”

“What about Homelander?” Ben confidently inquired, widening his legs and placing his arm up to the coach, his hardness visible through his supe suit. 

He saw you glancing at him and smiling mischievously. You wanted to say something offensive, but you knew that he was utterly without shame right then and there and that he would say something nasty as soon as you talked about his bulge. 

Butcher sighed. “He's probably scared the shit out of his pants. Let's give him and you two a short break until the thing that happened in New York and Ohio is forgotten completely.”

You said, uncomfortable, “I don't think it will ever be forgotten, Butcher. Vought will try their hardest to capture us once more since the harm is too immense. They may even be looking for us at this very moment.”

It concerned you that Vought wouldn't just let you and Ben live on your own, unaccountably. It was not what you wanted to return to the lab to be tormented and examined for the future of other supes. But you had no idea how to get out of this difficult dilemma. Ben and the rest of Butcher's squad were not people you would trust with your life, so you realized you needed a plan to protect yourself from what was happening.

You also didn't want Ben to be tortured in Russia again like you were, but his main goal was to take revenge and murder Homelander. Despite never having laid eyes on the man, he was prepared to slaughter him. They would never allow Ben to touch Homelander if Vought was that supportive of him. That meant you had to first convince Ben to cease his collaboration with Butcher.

“People in the modern world are easy to forget, I promise you. Also, they could've already found you two if they had wanted to,” Butcher mumbled, trying to soothe you. “Remember, a week is full of possibilities, so try not to dwell on it too much. They won't remember for very long, and Vought is currently dealing with its own issues.” 

When Ben realized how terrified you were of having to deal with the fallout from his actions and everything that transpired, his heart began to melt with regret. He was aware of your constant need for a house, a place where you could feel secure and at home, so it disturbed you to know that you had nowhere to go while Vought looked for you and that you might fall prisoner once more. 

Ben understood that it was his responsibility as a man to ensure that you were protected and to keep you away from danger. You needed to spend time together before he could help you forget the unpleasant and harsh things he had done to you. He intended to start over with you, and whatever happened was all in the past. Homelander and Vought weren't that big of a concern, and things would be considerably simpler if he learned to use his new abilities. You were needed by him for both. 

You leaned back toward the coach and questioned, curiously, “Why do you want to kill Homelander that much?” placing one hand under your head. 

Butcher's heart clenched as a mixture of regret and affection overtook his body as his thoughts were filled with Becca's memories. Not that he even knew if he would survive. 

He quickly cleared his throat and replied, “He hurt my wife,” cutting it short. 

You understood, judging by her voice, that she had passed away, and you were at a loss for words. Homelander must be Vought's newest evil toy, as they have a history of hurting people and getting away with it. Somehow, you wanted to soothe Butcher, but all you said was, “I'm sorry to hear that.” 

Butcher turned to face you, perhaps trying to persuade you, saying, “She is not the only one he hurt and won't be the last. He must die.”

“Even if he dies and you take your revenge, there will always be a new one, and you know this,” you insisted. “When it came to supes, Vought always had a backup plan. In the same way that they treated Ben and me. Not even the power worries them. All they want is a toy that they can play with that is practical as well as obeyant.”

“And they'll fucking pay for it,” Ben exclaimed with hatred. 

“Ben, this is not going to end well for us. We are unable simply to overthrow the government or whomever in charge.” 

“We'll see about that, sweetheart.”

You sighed, realizing that Ben had already made up his mind and that you two would have to talk about it at another time. He would hurt you once more if he carried on acting recklessly, but based on his actions, it didn't appear like he gave a damn. Even though you knew he was always self-centered, you were disappointed to find that he didn't give a damn about what would happen to you if he kept acting like an enemy of the state. 

“Everyone had been told that you were a traitor and that you would be placed in a lab to be tested for potential superpowers. How were you treated by them? What did they do to you?” Frenchie narrowed his eyes and asked with curiosity. 

You moved in the coach, pushing back the images in your head as you recalled the horrible memories. But you didn't let others see you as powerless or fragile.

You wanted to smile at him, but the traumatic images were just too overwhelming.

“I guess they kind of wanted to take off my womb to create a natural supe baby, but they simply couldn't as they couldn't go through my skin with their needles and everything,” you said.

While Frenchie was obviously at a loss for words while attempting to comprehend the years of agony you had endured, his face turned white.

Ben tried to dismiss the images in his mind, which ranged from vicious hands on you to someone trying to rip your body apart and kill you, while his heart was filled with hate and fury. He vowed to kill anyone who even slightly assisted in your torture, regardless of whether they were Homelander or Vought.

“Every single of them will die,” he declared with assurance, as if guaranteeing you, his compassionate green eyes locked on yours. “I promise it to you.”

You were briefly stunned, speechless, by the intense expression on his face, but you soon gathered yourself and joked, “It's better if you just do nothing,” attempting to break off the seriousness of the moment.

After glancing at the supe woman next to him, Frenchie remarked, “It's getting late. Will they be staying here tonight?” He asked Butcher. 

Butcher grumbled as he looked at his watch. “Yes, this is where we'll all spend the night. There are probably enough rooms for them.”

“How about Annie and Hughie?” Frenchie asked again, observing the supe woman make her way to the nearest room; she seemed weary and exhausted.

She said nothing since you entered the house, which confused you. Although you were eager to start up a conversation with the new supe women, it's possible that she felt unsafe in the same room as Ben. It wouldn't surprise you. Even though you felt a little uncomfortable, you decided to try talking to her later. They might realize that you were no different from them in this situation if they truly wanted to take down Homelander's tyranny and those people weren't supporting the Vought like you were.

“They'll stay too,” Butcher cut it short.

Frenchie shot you a hesitant glance as his hand ran through the top of his head. “Is it possible for you and your friend to share a room? It seems like Annie and Hughie appear to be staying. There would be enough rooms if they didn't.”

“Yeah,” Ben responded abruptly, getting up before you could reply. As it turned out, you just gave Frenchie a brief nod. 

Butcher responded, “Perfect,” and stood up. “Good night, ladies.”

You thanked Frenchie when he showed you the room you'll be staying with Ben and took a quick look at the cramped, dim room filled with old pieces of furniture. 

Ben slowly unfastened his belt while he observed you searching inside the wardrobe for something to wear. His blood had been burning in his veins for an hour now, and he just wouldn't stop coming toward you. He was about to go crazy from his desire to touch you. You were alone for the first time in a very long time, so it's been a fucking long time since you've fucked properly. Ben's balls hurt from missing your gentle moans and seeing you beneath his body. You were finally alone to speak, fuck, and discuss things tonight about your future and all.

You turned your back to Ben to change after finding a pink t-shirt. Just after removing it, anxiety and the chill in the room caused your nipples to harden, and you felt Ben's eyes on your back.

Ben turned you quickly, crushed his warm lips on yours, and began to kiss you frantically before you had even put on your shirt. He was moving too fast for you to react, and you were too shocked and perplexed to do anything. He urged you to kiss him back by pushing your back against the bed and climbing on top of you, aggressively using his tongue in your mouth. The moment the chilly material of his suit touched your bare chest, you shivered.

Ben kept kissing you, getting lost in his pleasure, not able to understand if you were responding to him or not. His hardness was hurting beneath his supe suit. He put his hands around one of your tits and gave it a firm squeeze, pressing his shaft firmly between your legs. 

You were in shock at how quickly everything was escalating. Only when you heard Ben unzipping his pants as his mouth filled yours with low growling did you come to your senses. 

You stopped his tough hands from reaching your underwear and saved your burning lips from his. As you struggled to catch your breath, his lips slid quickly over your body, finding one of your nipples and aggressively sucking it until you forgot how to breathe.

You finally managed to say, “Ben,” in a trembling voice. “Stop it.”

When you forced his mouth away from your tits, he continued to press his firm shaft between your legs. He irritably asked, “What the fuck? It's been fucking so long.”

Ben placed his strong arms over your head and stared at your nipples that were covered with his spit through darkened eyes for a long moment until you finally gasped out and exclaimed, “I can't fucking believe you.”

“What now?” he asked, speaking as though nothing was wrong between you and that everything was normal. 

“Are you a fucking rabbit in heat?” 

He questioned incredulously, “Why are you so mad?” as he continued to delicately rub against your pussy with his shaft through your sweatpants. 

“Ben, it has been practically decades since our breakup. We didn't even end our relationship properly because you remained silent and basically cheated on me by dating Crimson.”

Ben frowned as you mentioned the past, stopping his motions on you and trying to maintain his composure.

He just stated “We can talk about such things later,” sounding displeased to hearing his relationship with the Countess. “Let us get off some steam first.”

You whispered, “No,” and used all of your effort to push him away from you. “There is nothing left to talk.”

Ben watched your tits disappear from sight while you took the pink t-shirt he threw onto the floor, and you hastily took it on from your head with trembling hands. As soon as you moved away from him, he eventually stood up.

“It's all in the past now,” he remarked, regretfully glancing at your fragile appearance. “We can fuck first and then talk it out.”

“I don't want you to ever touch me again.” You were enraged at how he continued to neglect everything else in favor of only wanting to fuck you and added, “I mean it.”

Ben said, “I know you don't mean this,” as he approached you with confidence. “You and I both have the same desires for this. We both want each other so badly. The way your body reacts to me even now makes it very clear to me.” 

You glared at him angrily and ignored his idiotic, enormous ego, saying, “I don't want you in my life ever again.”

He touched your arms and asked, his voice annoyed, “Why have you suddenly gotten angry?”

Observing his continued blindness to you, you sighed. Though it didn't seem to be as essential as you anticipated for him, you hoped that at least he talked about all that happened. But he was the same selfish man who acted like he cared about you, then betrayed you and hurt you. There was no need to make your hopes up. 

You said with an irritated tone, “I can't believe I'm so blind when it comes to you. You don't even care how much you cause me pain in every way possible, and all you want is to have fun. Am I just a fucking toy for you to play with as you like it?”

Ben abruptly interrupted you, saying in a serious tone, “Of course not,” as his powerful arms moved slowly over your shoulders. “I want to discuss and work out everything that went wrong between us. I simply..missed you so much.”

Even though you wanted to believe his sincerity, you felt nothing at all moved by it. It was difficult for you to believe him at all since he had so many lies to tell you and so much sorrow in his words. It was difficult for you to remember the joyful emotions you had for him in the past, but though you tried to recall the wonderful times you had together, they felt like memories belonging to someone else now. Something had died in your heart for him. 

You softly pulled his hands off your arms and murmured in a solemn tone, “I wish I could believe you, but I don't.”

His voice was low as he questioned, “What do you mean?”

With a heavy heart, you stated, “Everything that happened between us is in the past. It is no longer there. You only want me by your side now because I was faithful to you the day I came to help you, even though you have really hurt me.”

Although it was difficult to acknowledge his selfishness, it was best to face the facts straight away and prevent him from hurting or abusing you in the future.

“It's not like that,” Ben cut you off right away in a harsh voice.

He felt confused, not knowing how to convince you of his seriousness. You were right to hold such low expectations of him; he would not deny it, but he also understood that nothing would change if you hadn't been there to save him that day. 

You said, “I'm tired, Ben,” indicating that you didn't want to talk about it more. “I really need to sleep.”

He let it go and sighed, realizing you weren't all that keen on talking at the moment. After all, this was your first day in the modern world, so it was understandable that you were a little lost.

Ben muttered, “Okay, but this isn't the end. We'll discuss it afterwards. For now, you take a rest.”

As he watched you turn your back on him and slip under the sheets, you remained silent. Ben began removing his supe suit with a growl. The way you felt excited and moist at his slight touch told him you didn't mean any of it. He knew that you were nonetheless deeply in love with him. Every part of his body

felt the presence of it. However, he realized that before he fucked you, he had to convince you that he cared about you.

He went into the bathroom, growling angrily as he felt his bulge kicking his suit. Ben could finally touch himself because you were safe now. Knowing that you would find out what he was doing in the bathroom caused his lips to twist into a smile.

You tried to fall asleep, shifting on the bed to a more comfortable position as you heard Ben turn on the water. But as soon as you closed your eyes, you heard him growling low as he stroked himself under the water. He was touching himself furiously because he knew you would hear anything he was doing, even if you weren't trying to listen.

Ben was moaning your name and moving faster as you cursed your supe hearing. As you moved into the bed, your cheeks flushed, yet you kept quiet. 

Ben noticed that you were pressing your legs together as though your body were trying to find relief, so he growled and beat his cock more.

Feeling closer, he passionately exclaimed, “Fucking touch yourself. I fucking missed you and your little pussy so much.”

As he continued to talk dirty about how hard he would fuck and how many times he would come inside of you if you let him, your cheeks grew red, and you finally muttered, “Stop it.”

He trembled and whispered while wet sounds filled the bathroom, “Almost there, sweetheart,” as if hearing your voice were to give him pleasure.

Ben groaned and began to cum while murmuring your name. Your walls were tightening around nothing, and even though your body was screaming for you to touch yourself, you ignored the aching between your legs as he kept spilling his thick white ropes in between his powerful strokes that filled the bathroom. It took him long to empty his heavy balls. It was only when he let out a satisfied moan that you realized you were holding your breath.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿

Ben knew you still cared and desired him as much as he did, and he would fucking do everything to show to you that you and he were meant to be together.

Next Chapter

A/N: Comments and reblogs are very appreciated! -`♡´-

Taglist: @mostlymarvelgirl @xmariakx @spnfamily-j2 @suspicious-stain-in-spain @atomicsoulcollecto @yvonneeeee @starryperson @mfnqueen1 @chaand-sitara @boywivlove @stilinskisthings @brynanna @delaynew @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @yoyoanaria @n-o-p-e-never @ghostslillady @certifiedhaters @deans-spinster-witch @demodemo909 @stoneyggirl2 @cheynovak @libby99hb @moneyburner @jenn-777q

Let me know if you want to be tagged for this series. -`♡´-

[pinesfamilyguidetotheweird]

Gravity Falls Headcanons

[maybe acceptable to change]

Dipper Pines

Has autism

Has chewelry for when he’s in deep thought, which is better than chewing his pens

Is an ally

Gets glasses

Has gained two more friends around his age, Twig Westwood and Lorelei ‘Lorie’ Flussmann

Has scarring from the summer of 2012

Has participated in marching band

Plans to pursue journalism

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Mabel Pines

Is pan

Has ADHD

Doesn’t have a single fashion ‘style’, opting to change it frequently (ex. She’s goth one day and bohemian the next day and retro the next day)

Has started using hair chalk to go with her outfits

Will have her braces removed, but start wearing a retainer

Has a knack for alchemy and magic and is currently under the tutelage of a witch

Continues with her Guide to Life videos and becomes a popular WebTuber

She does commissions for her handmade bracelets and necklaces and anything knitting/crocheting related

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Stan Pines

Probably the most ‘normal’ of the Pines twins

Is bisexual

Has claustrophobia

Is dyslexic

Suffers from depression and PTSD

Is the better cook compared to Ford

Would reclaim his mullet while out at sea

Needs a moment to let his mind settle after waking up, a side effect of the memory gun

Is fluent in Spanish, and passively understand French and Portuguese (but can’t speak fluently)

He used be part of a biker gang, the same one with Jimmy Snakes

With Ford’s permission, he gave Soos the entire Shack, house and all

With money from selling treasure, Stan has Dan build a new cabin house for the family

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ford Pines

AuDHD

Major Insomniac

An AroAce Nonbinary Man!

Suffers from c-PTSD, depression, and great guilt

Does have a feral side to him

Has a fear of snakes, but loves cats (imagine him meeting a tatzelwurm)

Eerily quiet while asleep

Grows out his hair to his shoulder blades. Initially has plans to cut it, but Mabel likes this long.

Has a cybernetic spine; its what caused his eyes to turn from brown to blue; there are other changes.

He probably has other implants, though one is a translator

He doesn’t like being touched, especially around his wrists and neck

Used to be fairly chubby until his fallout with Bill, which caused him to lose weight because of stress. Becomes malnourished while dimension hopping. Still currently recovering.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Soos Ramirez

Becomes a let’s player on his days off, his WebTube channel is called ‘Let’sDoodIt!’. Melody would occasionally appear in it.

Soos, along with Melody and his Abuelita, has moved into the Shack

For the Stans’ 59th birthday, Soos had gifted Stan his adoption papers and Stan, without missing a beat, signs it

Has a lot of weird dreams, one of them of him and Stan being frogs and the latter owning a wax museum

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Wendy Corduroy

Her trapper hat used to belong to her mother

Got super depressed over her mom disappearing

Has a new friend named Seiko Habutai, who would eventually become her girlfriend

Bisexual

Joins Ford as his assistant when able

Owns a bat-ax, built by McGucket

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Fiddleford McGucket

Has recovered a lot: Wears a brace to fix his posture, takes it off for showers and sleep, received dental implants (still has his golden tooth), his hair has grown back and regained some color (gray but still), but unfortunately had to get his beard and mustache shaved off (it was a mess! You know the man did not wash that thing!)

Uses a cane with a fritz handle

Is reconnecting with his ex-wife, Emma May

Still has his former raccoon wife, but as a pet, June

Has started his own electronics company, McGucket & Son’s Lab

Would occasionally have minor relapses before returning to his senses on his own

Have started watching anime, courtesy of Soos, and alot of them inspired some of his creations

Has future apprentices in Candy Chiu and a Molly Westwood

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pacifica Northwest

Is in her ‘rebellious’ phase, according to her parents

Starts hanging out with Candy and Grenda

Still keeps in touch with Archibald’s spirit, who has followed the Northwests to their new house

Plans to golf professionally, but likes to play casually, especially with Mabel

Also has an affinity for magic and has the same witch teacher as Mabel

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Robbie Valentino

Continues to pursue his band career

Has a new best friend in an anthropomorphic wolf named Yue, who joins his band

Is more annoyed with his parents’ during funerals (thanks, Jacky ^^)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gideon Gleeful

Was always an intelligent kid

Would skip a couple of grades upon finishing elementary school

He knows the full extent of Ford’s torture, who promised him not to say a word

Hates dancing and will decline when offered

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bill Cipher (post-Theraprism; if he manages to get released)

Would gain a cat-like appearance once he could reincarnate

Would somehow be put under the custody of the Pines family

Has lost most of his powers, can now only levitate himself and enter dreams

More subdue and standoffish, but still has his sick sense of humor and trickster attitude

Became somewhat of a tsundere

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Miscellaneous

People did move out Gravity Falls because of the trauma caused by Weirdmageddon

The ‘Never Mind All That’ Act was abolished three months after creation

There is a ‘Midnight Market’, where the Abnormal creatures have a flea market in town square in the middle of the night

During spooky events, such as Halloween and Summerween, and ‘nerd’ conventions, abnormal species are able to freely show themselves to ‘normies’

Manotaurs has started to work for the Corduroys

[icarusredwings]

As requested. Sleepy and aggressive dog vibes Logan. (here. Take your cuddly 200 year old alchoolic with anger issues and PTSD, you little freaks/ affectionate)

Pizza.

It's happening. It's finally happening! After months of trying to set this up, his plan was finally working. Wade has been trying to get this muscley idiot to fall asleep on him for 2 and a half months, and now the time has come.

It took coaxing him in by watching some boring War Marathon, a bunch of incorrect documentaries that he was prone to shake his head at, to criticize for their blantant lies. It started with Logan standing there, arms crossed like a dad who wasn't at all interested and refused to sit down, but now he was laid in his lap, snoring, growling at some bits of the show.

He would have shut it off already but the remote was on the table and if he moved he might wake him. And that sir, was a no no. A massive NO for him. Internally he was already screaming with excitement but his grunts were becoming too much to stand by and litsen too.

Come on- easy.. easy.. he only had one shot at this, and it might end up with another baby hand. Very carefully, he touched his head, and he flinched. Silently, he cursed himself.

Gently, his hand made full contact, sweeping some of his hair back, stopping for a second as he rolled onto his side, pulling his legs up to fully curl up the way he did in bed too. Again, inside of his brain, this man was squealing so much that he might be mistaken for a piglet.

Petting him for quite some time, he hadn't noticed that on the Tv they were about to start playing bombs, and now they compared. One of the louder ones caused him to jump, almost snarling at the idea of a threat in his dreams.

"Shhh.. shhh, it's okay. Just the tv." He mumbled, fondly stroking the back of his scalp. Now, focusing on the screen a little more, he would cup his hand over his ear when a loud one was about to play again. "I got you.."

The more this went on, the more progress was made, the growls turned back into deep snoring, and now Wilson not only got to play with his hair but also running a hand up and down his arm as Logan began to drool onto the pillow between him and wades lap.

This couldn't get any better. At least- thats what he thought. Until a different noise came from his chest. One that traveled into his throat but barely left his mouth. "What the- GASP Oh my god you're purring(!)"

Struggling not to make the sound of a squeaky toy, his grin was ear to ear, utterly thrilled. He didn't know he could do that. Did he even know he could do this? Probably not.

The purring was quiet, but oh so heavenly. To feel it through his hands was enough, seeing as whenever someone was shouting, shooting, or simply talking too loud, he couldn't hear it. But that didn't matter. There was a much bigger point than that. He was Safe.

Wade had made his body relax so much that he did the unthinkable. Become vaunerable.

This, unfortunately, ended much quicker than he would have liked. The disc skipped, and suddenly, there was a massive scene with screaming, guns, firing, and bombs being dropped.

Honestly, it made him jump too just from how dozy he became with all the domesticity. But if he was even startled.. Within seconds, all of that progress was down the drain. Now, here he was, up and heaving, claws out and on edge, his eyes wide with fear and anger.

Wade could have sworn he had seen him shaking, too. Just a tiny bit in the arms.

With all the hairs on his arms and neck raised, the snarling, baring of teeth and the way he was stanced, Wade knew he was fucked. Like- Uber fucked. And not the way he preferred. Oh shit- this wasn't fair. How could he look like he was about to kill him and still be this hot?

Slowly, he stood, putting his hands up.

"Hey woah woah woah- easy there, big boy. It's alright. Just the Tv." Nodding towards the television. Realizing this was a bad idea, he practically tripped over the coffee table to grab the remote and stand in front of it, not wanting him to somehow stupidly electrocute himself to death.

A snarl.

"Woah woah! Shhh- look. Look, watch. I'll kill it. There- see? All gone! Better?" But in reality, all he did was turn it off.

Looking around as if scanning for danger, the goosebumps began to cease, starting to regain control over himself and his senses.

"There we go. Much better. You're okay. No one's coming to-"

The moment he said this, there was a bang at the door. "Oh for fucks sake. Who the fuck would that be? This late at nig- ohHO Peanut? Peanut! NO!"

A couple of dirty play scratches and three new holes in the wall later, he was able to open the door.

Wrestling your super human strength, terrified feral animal of a 'Room mate' away from your front door felt like trying to keep an aggressive dog from attacking the mail man (which he's come to the realization that this was a weekly recurrence Man. He really hated strangers, didn't he?)

Except even Wade wasn't sure who it was, a bit tempted to just let him go at it and protect the home how ever he saw fit- but last time he did that, he made a couple of girl scouts pee themsleves and scream for their mommies and Logan felt bad about it for weeks.

"Yes?!"

"Erm... Pizza delivery?"

Still struggling to keep him from scaring the piss out of this poor teenager, Wade gave him a smile. "One second!"

Slamming the door again, he turned, giving him a stern look, and a pointed finger that he could have easily sliced off if he wanted.

"Put'em away mister!"

Another growl. Almost like protest.

"Yeah yeah GRR yourself! It's some scrappy kid, you're fine! ...Now put them away.... please."

Seeing the silent look of nothing behind those beautiful eyes that he often did when coming down from these kinds of scares, Wade smiled and coed, slightly higher than his usual tone. "Comme onnn. Put away your murder mittens! It's okay. My big, strong kitty. Oh, what a good boy you are, Oh yes, you are~"

Visually, you could see his shoulders drop, and quickly, he came back to his senses, frowning in embarrassment as he sheathed them only to walk over, shoving him out of the way as he threw open the door again.

"Oh god- Logan? Logan!" He called, cursing under his breath some more as he dug in his pockets for the kid's tip before he got a free piercing through the stomach.

Glaring at the 16 year old, He did that thing when his nose crinkled, sniffing this so-called 'pizza delivery' boy.

Popping his head through, under his arm, Wade grinned apologetically and gave the kid a 5.

"Sorry - He's not used to strangers yet."

With a huff, it seemed the man had dubbed this twig of a child, not a threat. Going back to the couch with a big grunt, he crossed his arms, a little embarrassed by his behavior.

"Bye!"

Grabbing the pizza and locking the door, Wade groaned in annoyance, coming back to the couch, too. Opening the box, he handed him a slice, took one for himself, and put one on the floor.

"Puppins! Here papa's princess!"

Within a moment the little dog tottered in and began to lick the cheese off of the floor pizza, wagging her tail, happy as ever to be eating the human food with her two daddies, unaware that one of them had just almost made a kooshkabab out of an acne faced teen.

Letting out a massive sigh of relief, Wade was glad that all was well again, happy to see him eating something other than whiskey for a change before realizing.. he didn't even order pizza.

"Hey Al? Did you order pizza?"

"Well, I did now!"

Oh great.. welp. Finders keepers-

In between bites, he glanced at him, teasing. "Damn Wolvie, what was all that about? Since when do you go after kids?"

"...Mmh.." This was a grunt that meant 'I don't. Now stop asking me questions, I'm starving'

He watched as he devoured the slice, grabbing another, only for Wade to slide him the entire box, smiling at him like an idiot as he fondly remembered the purring a few minutes ago. He wasn't sure if pizza was in a wolverine's proper diet, but he'd be stabbed if he ever told him that.

-And if they really wanted to come back and pry it from the Wolverines claws? Then so be it.

[ilovetopgunsstuff]

night shift

bradley bradshaw x reader

prompt- training for the mission is underway, and y/n has slept in bradley bradshaw's bed for more nights than she'd like to admit. when rooster has a bad dream next to her, it gets a little more personal than no strings attached should get

warnings- angst, cursing, ptsd mentioned, sex mentioned, not exactly smut

An: may be some typos, please give feedback and don't be afraid to request!

Y/n stared at the ceiling, enjoying bradley's arm wrapped tightly around her middle before they had to go back to pretending theyre just friendly collleagues during the work day. 

She hadn't meant to have anything start between the two of them, but a drunken night at The Hard Deck changed that a few weeks ago. Rooster smelled good that day, tan and sculpted by the sun. Maybe his tank top was a little too tight, Hawaiian shirt a little too flowy. She had always thought he was attractive, but the alcohol really brought it out of her. They had been talking all night, rooster bought Y/n a drink. She cracked a tipsy joke and a lopsided smirk grew on his pretty face as he looked at her, head tilted. That's when she knew it was over for her.

Y/n thought she was in the clear when they all left the bar. She just had to go grab her charger from inside his house. Then he asked if you wanted water to sober up before driving home. Harmless. Then you couldn't reach the cup in his cabinet to get said water. Then he came up behind you to grab it for you, brushing against you slightly as he mumbled a "sorry" under his breath right beside you, almost touching your ear. It was then that your last shred of self-control somehow diminished, landing you right into his bed for the night. 

It's been a few weeks since then, and you keep ending up here. It was supposed to just be friends with benefits, no strings attached. But sometimes it wasn't, even though neither of you would admit it. The way he splayed his massive hands across your stomach as he fucked you, gently pushing down so it'd feel better for you. The way that he would trace across your skin with his finger until you fell asleep, whispering praises in your ear, telling you how good you did. It was when he thought you fell asleep that he went to take a shower, kissing you on the forehead while running his thumb gently across your cheek. The two of you never really discussed what you were, you just were. These nights seemed to be doing more harm than good for you. It was hard to stay detached from something like this, spending your nights with someone so often. He didn’t feel like you did, you were sure, so you’d settle. You would take the nights over nothing, but that didn’t mean it didn’t sting during the day. 

The glow of Bradley’s alarm clock read 1:34 AM. His room was nicer than you’d expect. More than two pillows on the bed, light blue sheets, ivory paint on the walls. Your favorite part though, was the decor that made Rooster who he was, the decor that nobody else on the team had probably ever seen. Old baseball photos, pictures of his graduating class, polaroids of the beach, of his bronco. It made the room feel warm.

Now here you were, trying to soak it all in before it was a secret again. He hadn’t taken a shower tonight, and wore only boxers next to you. He had fallen asleep on top of you, holding you tight, though he had since rolled over to beside you. He looked so peaceful sleeping, his face void of the serious expression he usually took on. You were laying pressed against him, his arm around your middle holding you in place. You had pulled on some clothes since the hookup, and you now donned one of Rooster’s big t-shirts and your underwear. All your other clothes were trailed around his house somewhere. All you could hear was the combination of your breaths in the late night, and you began to doze off again. 

Then his breath hitched. His arm snaked away from you as he shifted in his bed. His breathing became more rapid, and a sheen of sweat show on his forehead. His dog tag glistened in the night as they jingled across his bare chest. He was having a bad dream. 

This was normal for the military. Bad, traumatic memories linger in the back of your head. It hits you when you least expect it. It even taints your dreams. Everything you refuse to remember when conscious comes to haunt you at night. You have it too, and seeing him like this made your chest ache. He was mumbling now. 

“No no no,” he mumbled. You sat up. He had his jaw clenched; his whole body was tense as he continued mumbling. The breathing didn’t slow. 

“Rooster,” you said out loud, putting your hand gently on his and squeezing. “Rooster,” you said again, louder.

He stayed dreaming. 

“Bradley.” You spoke loud enough but gentle. It was hard coming out of these dreams.

He drew a sharp breath in and sat up, muscles rippling across his back and stomach as he moved. He used the heels of his hands to rub his eyes as he seemed to catch his breath. Your hand hadn’t left his. 

“It’s okay, It’s okay. You were just dreaming,” you say as he tries to get his bearings. You push his hair out of his eyes. It’s messy from sleeping. Still holding his hand, the rapid beating of a pulse can be felt coming from his wrist. 

“Fuck,” he whispered under his breath. The covers were pooled at his waist and he looked up at you. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for- I don’t-“

“Don’t apologize. Here,” you handed him your water from his bedside table. In a quieter voice, you say, “You’re not the only one it happens to. I usually wake up a lot less graceful than you.” You try to let out a small laugh, more nervous than amused, but it wasn’t really funny. Many times have you woken up, tangled in the sheets alone, struggling to get away from something that’s not even there. It’s PTSD, and the military can only do so much to help. The damage is already done, the memories already happened. He looked at you, watching everything you did. He looked exhausted, even though he’d been sleeping. Drained. 

“Thank you,” he whispered, like he didn’t want to disturb any more peace. “Did I wake you up?”

“No.” You didn’t really have any explanation other than that. Oh I was staying awake to remember your touch so I miss it less during the day. Yeah, like that would’ve gone over smooth. 

He nodded. “That’s good,” he said. He ran his hand through his hair, the other that you’re holding still limp in the bed. You (tried to) smoothly let his hand go and put your hand back in your lap. You wanted to do something for him, to help, but thats not what you were here for. It wasn’t your place. You were just a girl in his bed to him. Your hands itched to run through his hair, across his skin, but you couldn’t. “I’m probably gonna go take a shower,” he said.

And off he goes again, didn’t even wait for you to fall asleep this time. You nodded, suppressing the sigh that wanted to erupt out of your chest. 

He gets up, kicking the covers off. He stood in the middle of the hard wood floor of his bedroom, boxers only. The only light was from the moon and the glow of his alarm clock. His muscular silhouette walked towards the bathroom, then faltered, seemingly looking back. 

“Oh. Are you not- uh…” he trails off in the dark. Did he want you to come?

“Oh…I didn’t know I was allowed to.”

You couldn’t see him, but heard a low chuckle in the dark. “..allowed to?”

“Oh shut up,” you said as you rolled out of bed, but you couldn’t help but smirk a bit. You squinted as he flipped on the lights to the bathroom, not bothering to close the door since you were both in there. You took a chance and looked in the mirror. Your hair was wild, with your mascara running down your face in faint lines. What a charmer. 

Bradley had his back turned, turning the shower on. He turned, thumbing the waistband of his boxers to take off. You began to strip as well, and all of a sudden felt shy. He did this to you all the time, but doing it yourself while he watched made your cheeks tinge pink. The overhead light reflecting off the white tile walls didn’t help either. You slid your panties off easily and they dropped to the floor. Then the shirt.  

He pulled you by the hand, and you both stepped under the hot water. 

Once again, he met your gaze. He was being so quiet. 

“What are you looking at?” He tilts his head at you with a slight smirk, his eyes still seemed tired.

“Just…you.” You’re guessing that you’re not hiding your worried expression very well. Your eyes flicked downward and you bit your lip. 

“I’ve still got a pulse, you know, darlin’. I’m gonna live.” 

“I know,” you mumbled, shy. You held one of his hands in yours, keeping from looking at him as you trace over his palm. “I was just…”

“Nervous?” he asked quietly.

“Mmhm,” you hummed. He took your hand that held his and pulled you towards him. The rush and warmth of the water relaxed you slightly. He pulled you close to wrap his arms around your waist. You didn’t know what to do with yourself. This is the most personal you’ve ever gotten. This pained you; somehow being closer to him made it hurt worse, being seen as just a hookup. You would’ve been better off without any of this, any of him, but  you weren’t without him. You were right here, undressed in front of him night after night like clockwork, like having a night shift. You almost groaned out loud.

“You gonna be stiff as a board this whole time or…” There he was teasing you again. 

“Sorry.” You were flustered, and exhausted, not because it was one something in the morning, but exhausted mentally. Who knew no strings attached was so much work? Well, it is when one of you is attached, you guessed.

You let out a sigh, tiredly resting your chin on his tanned, warm shoulder. He tightened his arms around you, his chin in the crook of your neck.

“Don’t apologize,” he murmured. His mustache and breath tickled your neck, causing you to shiver, and you began to melt all over again. “I don’t want you to be jumpy around me now. I didn’t scare you off did I?” 

You picked your head up, moving back slightly to look at him. He has the hint of a smile on his face, but his eyes are serious. You let out a breathy laugh, releasing some tension.  “No you didn’t scare me off. Still here.”

He smiled, an especially knee-buckling smile, and he pulled you close again.  “Good,” he murmured. “I’d be lonesome if I did.”

You sighed, and a small, shy smile crept onto your face as you rested and leaned against him. “I think you’d find yourself more company in no time.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he laughed out his words. You just hummed in response. 

“I’ll have you know I’m a gentleman.” 

“Mmhmm.” 

He squeezed your hips playfully. “I cant believe you,” he whispered in your ear, as all space previously between you two went elsewhere. 

The night shift would do.

[shiro-s2e2-erukinzu]

Anime only watchers and people who aren't caught up with the Manga, BEWARE... Cuz I'm about to discuss Spy X Family Mission 98... You have been warned...! 👌

[SPOILERS AHEAD FROM THIS POINT ON]

This chapter literally broke me in more ways than one...

This chapter is a continuation of Martha and Henderson's backstory from Mission 97, so let's talk about it shall we...?

So when I opened this chapter and saw a radio...:

...I literally got PTSD from seeing it because it immediately made me think of the first part of Mission 62, Twilight's (or rather [REDACTED]'s) past, so I knew that things were about to take a turn for the worst...! 😔

On the same page, Martha asks Henderson what he's doing here and he tells her that there's a personnel shortage, so he got to graduate early. Then, Henderson turns off the radio and says this:

This is just... It's so sad, but true that things, like radios, that were once made for helping others can easily be used to spread hatred and cause harm... It's just not right... 😞

Moving on, after being separated for so long, Martha and Henderson were able to have another tea party like they used to have, but it wasn't long before things started to take a turn... During a school safety drill, Martha asks Henderson if he's excused from being drafted, and he tells her...:

"It may be that even education is powerless now."... 😟

Hearing Henderson say that hurts my soul... But nothing could prepare me for the next few pages...

Why... Why do things like this have to happen... 😣

No, things like this SHOULDN'T happen...! Innocent people dying because of senseless violence, because of war, it's just not right nor is it fair...! And I will always stand by that...!!

Continuing on, Henderson finds out that Martha is volunteering for The Women's Defense Auxiliary and he's upset by this. She tells him that the ballet company she was a part of is going to disband and her dream will go with it, so he scolds her again and she tells him this:

My heart hurts just seeing the anguish in face and in her words...!! 💔

And the heart break continues because Martha overhears that Henderson is going to be married off and she is devastated... But while in tears, she overhears that the dance is coming again, so this is her last chance to tell him how she feels...!

At the dance, Martha approaches Henderson:

Martha looks so cute here...!! 💗 I was so excited to see them dance together, that when I turned the page, something unexpected happened... I started to cry...:

Seeing them happy, even though just for this moment, it reminded me why I love Spy X Family so much... It's for these moments, the moments that most of S×F's cast is fighting for, the moments that we all should strive for...!! There are just so many bad things going on in the world that it makes wish that moments like these could be the norm for all instead of some...!! I just don't understand why must there be so much hatred and malice in the world... Why can't we all live in peace instead of conflict...

Gosh, I'm even crying now just writing all of that... I should probably start to wrap this up...!

So, just as Martha is about to confess to Henderson, this happens...:

...and the chapter ends... 💔😭💔

And that was Mission 98; truly such a heartwreching chapter to read, just like Mission 62 was...

I don't even know what else to say except thank you to Endo... Thank you for making this manga, for getting me feel all of these feelings, for giving me the opportunity to share these feelings with everyone that loves this series as much as I do...!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart...!! 💗

And thank you to all of you that reads this post...!! There's a lot of things that I wish that I could do to make the world a better place, but if this post inspires you in anyway, that's good enough for me...!! 💗

Sorry for rambling, but anyway... Until the next Mission; take care, be safe out there and thank you for reading...!! 🤗 Later!! 💗

[qwimblenorrisstan]

Held | Ghost x Price

Day 12: Rotten Touch w/ Simon “Ghost” Riley

Summary: While on leave, Simon can’t seem to get to sleep properly, and Price knows just the thing to help.

Word Count: ~ 1.3k

Warnings: death, murder, guns, blood, stealing, nightmares, ptsd, implied soapgaz smut, non sexual cuddling

A/N: my allergies are killing me, but this is my first time dipping my toes into the waters of priceghost, so I hope you enjoy<3

Requests are open!

His hands weren’t just an instrument of death.

They were a carrier; a harbinger of it, what made the sirens start blaring, warning people of what came ahead if they didn’t run.

Well, it wasn’t like running would help anyway.

Once he touched someone, it was over. Like a plague, a fungus, it spread from person to person.

From the mother, crying over the body of her dead husband who had a few new bullet holes through his chest, who’d reached for the gun, seconds too late as his finger pushed down on the trigger, silent shots entering her body, choked sobs coming from the now-wailing child in the corner as she ran to her mother’s body, shaking it as the ground rumbled from a nearby explosion.

To the shopkeeper, trying to defend his store, not wanting any men, especially strange foreign men, hiding in it to take cover from the gunfire and activity in the streets. The shotgun had been heavy in the man’s hand. One shot rang out, and Ghost had signaled forward with his hand, Soap’s knife embedding itself in the man’s neck before another shell casing clattered emptily against the floor.

Or the soldier, who’d probably been drafted or forced, or maybe even joined when he had been young and dreamed of glory, forced to fight an old man’s war. He hadn’t known the weight of taking a life yet, not when the bullet from Ghost’s sniper rifle tore through his head, body thudding against the floor, the family photo tucked into his pocket not enough to protect him when it mattered.

It was all the same to him.

Get the job done. Go home. Live another day and wait for your next mission.

That was how it had always been. But it didn’t mean the nightmares weren’t any better, that he didn’t feel any less bit of nagging guilt for the orphaned children, the grieving families, the war-raised countries feeding the newest generations hatred and violence, how to pull a trigger and not how to be a decent human being.

It was worse tonight.

He’d woken, cold sweat clinging to the back of his neck, limbs tensing and relaxing rapidly as he tried to focus on his surroundings. He was in the house. One window on the left wall, a door on the right one.

Price’s home.

The older man had offered him a place to stay while on leave, knowing that Simon usually just lurked at the base even when he could leave. He knew he had nowhere to go.

So he’d invited him out to a little house in the countryside, to stay for the three months they were both off. It hadn’t been terrible. Homemade meals, cooking, and cleaning up the house. He’d learned a thing or two about fixing leaky sink pipes, changing bulbs, fixing creaky doors and floorboards, and cleaning, and the fact that cooking bacon was a lot more terrifying than it looked, the grease popping up onto his arms and burning what skin wasn’t already numb.

It didn’t help that it hurt like hell.

Price was teaching him everything he’d somehow not picked up from his mother, things his father hadn’t even bothered trying to teach him, and no matter how much his older brother had cleaned up his life, he still hadn’t shown him any of this either.

Simon pushed the covers to one side of the bed, slipping out and letting his feet land against the cold floor. He began approaching the door, twisting the knob, stepping out, and walking down the hallway, legs carrying him to the kitchen for whatever reason. Probably muscle memory. He made a trip to the kitchen every time he woke up or couldn’t sleep.

A small thudding sound came from one of the rooms that had him whirling, stance shifting into a defensive one, and he realized that Gaz and Soap had decided to stay here a few nights too, probably feeling lonely on leave.

Sighing, he turned back and continued towards the kitchen, flicking one dimmer light on before grabbing a cup from a cabinet and filling it with water, draining the entire thing in one large gulp.

“What’re you doin’ up?”

It caught him completely off guard, almost embarrassingly so for the occupation he had. Price’s low, scratchy voice settling into the room.

He put the cup down. Turned.

Price looked like he’d just gotten up as well, hair a bit disheveled, only in some boxers, blue eyes bleary and filled with sleep still. He raised a brow, and Simon remembered the question all too suddenly.

“Nightmares.”

He answered abruptly, trying and failing to hide the slight tremble in his voice. The tremble that was also in his hand.

Price grunted in response, grabbing a cup, filling it with water from the sink, and gulping it down, eyes elsewhere, thinking about something. Like a less intense version of his scheming face.

“You wanna talk about it?”

No. He didn’t.

It was the same as any other nightmare. Blood, death, bombs, guns, grenades, war. What was there to even talk about?

But for some reason, his tongue betrayed him.

“I..”

The word slipped out instead of the usual flat no. He saw his Captain’s surprise and slight curiosity. It was hard not to.

He stood there like an idiot, not sure what to say, throat drying up as he grabbed his cup again, the movement to fill it and swallow the water almost mechanical.

“I don’t know.”

He concluded, walls being built back up, hiding him away again. But Price wasn’t having it. He could tell.

A small nod from his Captain. His lips separated, and he expected the usual statements of pity of sorries, or the empty justifications or assurances, but instead got something he never would’ve expected.

“I’m ordering you a tactical cuddle, Ghost. Recon in my bed at 2300 hours.”

He was left there, speechless, as Price gave his order, and then walked back to his room.

He checked the clock that was always a bit fast and sat on the kitchen wall. He had two minutes before the official “Recon” at the bed.

Taking another swig of water, he figured that he had an order; and he would damn well see it through as he began walking to Price’s room down the hall, slowly pushing the door open, walking in, closing it behind him as his eyes adjusted to the complete darkness, and feeling around till his feet hit the corner if what felt like a bed frame.

“There you are,”

Price murmured as Simon finally found the bed, knees meeting the mattress first as he crawled in, laying down awkwardly with his stiff limbs and tense muscles. Price’s warm, broad hand found his bicep before it slid down to his side right near his ribs. He heard the man shift, pulling some blankets over Simon, before another hand wrapped around him on his other side, gently wrapping around him as Price’s warm chest met his scarred back.

The thudding from the other room was steady against the wall and had him on edge before he finally figured out exactly what was going on in the room over.

“Those muppets, going to town on each other like we aren’t right here.”

Price muttered, making a little huff of laughter leave Simon before he realized something.

Simon Riley had hardly been held before, the only time being when he was a baby. It felt safe and warm like he didn’t have to worry about how many magazines or clips he had left, or the scope he was using, or the exfil, or friendlies versus the enemy. He was safe.

And as Price’s hands began gently rubbing into his skin, making him melt into his superior’s touch, he couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, his touch wasn’t so rotten at all.

Tags:

@hawke1917

@angstober

[doylldonmagar]

I'm getting more and more frustrated with Rick Riordan, because I feel like he did a poor job of dealing with so many issues, particularly abuse. Like props to him for killing Gabe, but like there's nothing about the long term implications. There are some occasional ptsd dreams, but what about triggers and panic attacks? I feel like those are played down a lot. And what about the "smaller" the less noticeable details? Most of the 7 (but not just them) grew up with unstable, unsafe situations. Annabeth was living on the streets, hazel's power was the main source of income, Gabe spent most of Sally's money; so food insecurity is probably a pretty big deal. So what about hoarding tendencies? Why don't they eat a lot whenever food is available?

Annabeth was emotionally abused, which could explain the seaweed brain thing, but I would think she would be the opposite, and only use kind nicknames. But I feel like Rick Riordan completely forgot about the canon abuse. And like, I'm a percabeth girl but I think rr did make some problematic choices with the way they talk and interact sometimes.

Does fighting trigger percy? Does he get anxious around friends, think they don't like him or think they're angry at him? Does he avoid arguing with them?

All of the demigods have seen death, and they've all seen friends and siblings die. Where is the trauma from that? Do they send iris messages if they'll be away longer than expected? What about the survivors guilt?

Like where are the little details, shutting down in arguments, self harm in intentional sleep deprivation and starving, overexplaining, overclarifying instructions, moving silently, etc. I feel like rr could have done a much better job with character depth, but it's so ignored.

[wordstome]

i’m here to encourage you to please elaborate on singledad!könig

also, do any of their kids have any scuffles with each other? how do the parents and children deal with it?

This ask was sent 10 minutes after the dream daddy post went up. Anon, I adore you.

I was going to put single dad König in this same post, but then it started to go on and on, and I want to take my time with the second half of your ask as well, so all my König thoughts will go in a separate post. Thank you for enabling me :3

(also this is the post I lost 3 paragraphs worth of writing on. It was literally all of Price and Ghost's sections, so forgive me if they're not up to par).

Price: With three kids, there are bound to be spats. Brianna taking something of Alice's without asking, Clara ruining one of the older girls' possessions, etc. etc. People see Price with all girls and remark how peaceful his house must be, but Price (and anybody who has a sister) knows that is NOT true. The Price home is chaos interrupted by periods of peace. Luckily, their dad is a literal military captain, so he's able to whip them into shape. All manner of crying, yelling, and shrieking can be silenced with one singular "GIRLS!" from the man himself. Then after that comes the soothing and the stern talking-tos.

Ghost: I think Simon was great with kids pre-Roba, he had Tommy and then his nephew Joseph. But post-Roba and his work in the special forces, he's much more rough around the edges. Like I said in the main post, Caden is a pretty quiet kid, so I can't see him starting or getting into any trouble. But he is still a 10 year old, so I can see him throwing a fit when he's frustrated or uncomfortable. If this happens in public, Simon will pull him aside and talk to him quite sternly, especially if Caden is making a ruckus as an emotional outlet. In private, he gives Caden space to let it all out, and then talks to him afterwards. However, if Caden can articulate what's upsetting him, he's very gentle and understanding. One way or another, I can see Simon getting help with his PTSD, so he uses a lot of techniques that his therapist taught him with Caden.

Soap: I imagine Elodie as about 6-7 years older than Thomas, who is a literal baby, so I can't see that they get into any fights. Mostly Elodie getting cranky about Thomas getting all the attention, at which point Johnny has to reassure his daughter and give her some love as well. When they're older, Elodie is a classic older sister who fucks with her little brother. She's never truly malicious, but there are definitely times when Johnny's standing in front of them sighing and pinching his nose because Elodie's played a nasty prank on her brother. Johnny's a very picks-his-misbehaving-kid-up-like-a-doll-and-gives-them-a-noogie kind of parent. He's never raised his voice at his kids, but instead has an "if what I think is happening is happening, it better not be" tone that instantly strikes fear into his kids' hearts. I can hear it in my head. I know you guys can hear it in your head too. 'Nuff said.

Gaz: It's hard to say what it's like when Kyle's kids fight: I can see Violet being the sort of girl who is quite close with her younger brother, so I can't really imagine a lot of scenarios in which they would fight. But Elliott is a younger brother and Violet is a growing teenage girl, so there have probably been a few times when Violet got mad at Elliott and screamed at him or said something that she regretted. Kyle and Emily will both scold the kids when they step out of line, and they both do their part when it comes to discipline. Kyle in particular is a very "I'm not mad at you, I'm just disappointed" sort of parent. He expects a lot of Violet, but sometimes that pressure can get to her.

König: This man is overwhelmingly soft for his daughter. The calmest, most gentle giant. I think out of all the dads he's most susceptible to spoiling her, which obviously could become a problem. He's incredibly lucky though, because Ava is an angel. She is spoiled, being an only child on her daddy's colonel salary, but she gives more "kind rich girl" vibes than "inconsiderate little brat". I'm going to elaborate more on this in the upcoming König post, but he's got this deep sadness to him because he lost his wife. Ava is a pretty perceptive child, so she doesn't act out unless she's having a really hard time, in which case König is nothing but soothing and reassuring.

Horangi: If Ryujin (Hong-jin's daughter) has beef with you, he's kicking your ass right alongside her. When she was young, she was fully capable of both starting and finishing fights, and Hong-jin was an incorrigible enabler who was more likely to double over laughing than scold his daughter. Her mother usually had to be the disciplinarian. Hong-jin and Ryujin have a complicated relationship, but in adulthood, they're pretty even keel, and have grown even closer since the death of Ryujin's mom.

Keegan: Jason and Cecelia have been through a lot together, so they don't really fight. When they do though, it's nasty, and Keegan serves as more of a go-between than a disciplinarian role. Both of them will seek advice from him, but he understands that they know each other better than he does. Not for lack of trying, of course, but it's inevitable with older adoptions. His role comes from having more life experience, and he's got a kind of impenetrable chill that makes everybody a lot calmer.

[justmeinadaze]

My Little Man (Steddie X You) (Part of HFOD and SS Universe)

A/N: I guess you guys would call this season 3? Lol. My angst hella took over as well as some feelings I've been dealing with lately.

Enjoy please <3.

Part of this Universe

Warnings: Demon Steddie & Human Fem Reader, No SMUT in this one, FLUFF, they love each other and their son. Demon Steddie is navigating how to be human while taking care of a pregnant Y/N.

ANGST: More or less the normal level of angst that comes with this series. The theme is grief and PTSD (from a soldiers perspective). Y/N is still struggling with the notion of her parents not being there to see Ellis grow up and the guys (especially Steve) is struggling with being raised how they were and taught to fight. Eddie struggles with feelings of enabling because of everything they went through.

The dreams probably have the most feels. They talk to their loved ones and Ellis says goodbye. Steve has nightmares that involve his dad being a dick (of course) and something that happens within one angers Eddie (blood briefly mentioned).

Word Count: 6398

"Don't you know I love you more than life itself Don't you know that you're my pride And I would not have you walking through this world Without me by your side

Go to sleep my little man Don't you weep my little man"

3 Months Pregnant

Steve sits on the bench outside of the library he had just exited from, sighing heavily as he closed his eyes and threw his head back.

Ever since the three of you got home, he and Eddie had been doing research on which human job they would best be suited for in your realm but were struggling to find much of anything. For him, it was even more difficult since he was raised to be a solider. He genuinely didn’t know how to do anything else and it didn’t help that even though you explained a lot of human behavior, he still felt slightly ignorant with many things. 

“May I sit?” The demon jumped at the sound of a gravelly voice beside him. “Oh, shit. Sorry, son. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“No, it’s alright. Um, please.”, he gestures towards the area beside him causing the man to flash him a thankful grin as he takes a seat. 

“How long?”

“I’m sorry?”

“I asked how long. I know the look of a fellow veteran trying to figure out how to adapt to a civilian lifestyle. How long has it been since you saw combat?”

“Oh, uh, it’s…it’s been a few years. But I did it the bulk of my life.”

“I can imagine with you being so young. I bet one of your parents was a solider as well?”

“Wow. Yeah, that’s amazing. How did you…?”

“I told you, son. I know the look.”, the man chuckles as he extends his hand. “Truman Duvall; Ex Lieutenant Colonel in the United States Army.”

“Steven Harrington. Um, Sergeant in the US Army. Well, Ex.”, Steve laughs nervously as he hopes his memory of things he’s learned about humans in the past is still up to date.

“Nice to meet you. If I may ask, what were you thinking so hard about specifically?”

“My girlfriend is pregnant and I’m trying to find a job so I can help support my family. I want my son to have a better life then I did but I have no idea where to start.”

“Congratulations on the little bundle! I have four myself, two of them grown and out of the house already. My wife pretends like she’s glad they’re out but she misses them.”, he laughs. “I don’t know if you would be willing but down the street here, we have a recreation center where veterans go to relax and let loose. They’ve been looking for a counselor to lead the group therapy. I think you’d be a good fit.”

“Yeah? Um, I guess I could…”

“Look, you don’t even have to make a decision right now. Why don’t meet me there tonight? We’re having a little party get together thing. Of course, you can bring the girlfriend and you both can meet the person in charge. See if you feel comfortable.”

“O-Ok. I, um…” Steve pauses as he debates on if he should tell the truth about Eddie. That was a fight they had when it came to going home. He had been afraid that they would have to hide their relationship and he never wanted to hide or be hidden when it came to the man he loved. But this is also where he wanted to raise his son and he didn’t want to cause a commotion before you four even had a chance to settle in. What would Eddie do?

“Can I bring my boyfriend as well? He’s a veteran to. We actually met during our tour.”

Truman’s mouth pouted out ever so slightly as his eyebrows lifted in surprise. 

“Oh, um, sure! The more the merrier.”

***

“Steven, oh my God, that’s amazing!”, you exclaim as you wrap your arms around his neck. “I’m so happy for you.”

“Hang on, now. I don’t have a job yet but…”

“Don’t sell yourself short, bud.”, Eddie grins from his place on the kitchen counter. 

“I hope it’s ok that I kind of…announced…our relationship. We actually didn’t talk about what we wanted to do but I know if we had stayed in our realm I’d want to be honest.”

The long-haired demon opened his arms and Steve promptly placed himself between his legs with his back against his chest while Eddie rested his chin on his shoulder. 

“I’m glad you did. I love you and I’m not hiding that.”

“Me either.”, you smiled as they beamed right back. 

Suddenly, the happiness drains from your face before you turn and bolt towards the bathroom. You three had been home for a couple of months and within the past week some of the normal symptoms of pregnancy began springing up such as the morning sickness you were currently experiencing. 

“It’s alright, baby. Get it all out.”, Eddie tries to sooth as he holds your hair into a makeshift ponytail. As soon as you were finished, you fell back into his arms and thanked Steve when he handed you a bottle of water. 

“This is normal, right? Humans get nauseas like this.”, he asked. 

“Yeah, honey. It’s normal. I’m alright. I think I’m going to take a nap so I can be 100% for tonight.”

“Y/N, you don’t have to go.”

“No, Steve, I want to go. I want to see where you’ll be and the people you’ll be around.”

################

“Steve! You made it.”, Truman shouts excitedly as he reaches out to shake the boy’s hand. “You must be the girlfriend.”

“Hi. I’m Y/N.”

“Y/N. What a beautiful name for a beautiful woman and this is your…boyfriend? Right, son?”

“Yes, sir. This is Edward.”

“It’s nice to meet you. Steve said you’re a veteran as well. Were you a sergeant like himself?”

“Oh, uh, no. I was more of a private I guess you’d say. But we spent a lot of time together especially on the battlefield.”

“Wow and for you two to still be so close and find a relationship through all that chaos! That’s amazing. I always tell my wife if she met me during my tour she would have hated me. A lot of civilians don’t understand the headspace you have to fall into to do what we have to do.”

Both demon’s nod in understanding and you can’t help but softly smile as you watch them interact with the other people around them. Steve was definitely in his element and you could tell in some way he felt more comfortable in this setting because he was around beings who seemed to understand what they both went through. As his new friend spoke, his eyes remained intense and focused as he absorbed everything he said. 

Eddie excused himself to grab some drinks but became distracted talking to another couple and began to laugh at something they were saying. The first time you met him he expressed a particular distain for humans but he seemed to open up more since they were freed, finding something interesting in each person he interacted with. 

“Hey, this is my girlfriend Y/N.”, he introduces when you walk over to check on him. “Y/N, this is Lisa and Shawn Bennett. Lisa did a tour in the Air Force flying jets and Shawn was a DJ overseas.”

“Oh wow. For the military or just on your own?”

“For the military. I’m kind of like that Cronauer guy they made the movie about. I read the reports and played music I thought would lift the troops spirits.”, the man explains. 

“Kind of like me.”, Eddie whispers in your ear making you smile. “What do you two do now if I may ask? Steve and I have been searching for employment but we have no idea what would fit us.”

“Well, I actually own a store of my own selling books and comics; things like that. I’m a bit of a nerd.”, Lisa laughs. 

“And I teach media and music courses at the local community college up here.”

“That sounds like a lot of fun actually. Are they looking for another music teacher because Eddie is an amazing musician.”

“Yeah? Unfortunately, they aren’t but you should consider maybe starting your own business as well. You can teach kids to play guitar or any other instruments you know and you can do it from your house or maybe the music store downtown is hiring.”

“Are you looking for a job to, Y/N? I’m trying to hire someone to help me with my shop.”, Lisa offers with a smile. 

“Oh, I’d love that. I’m, uh, I’m actually pregnant though and I wouldn’t want to leave you stranded after you just hired me.”

“That’s fantastic! Don’t even worry about it. You don’t seem very far along yet. I can teach you the ropes before you give birth and that way when you come back, you’ll already know what to do!”

As you glance at Eddie, his eyes widen with encouragement as he nods his head. 

“Ok, I’d love to work for you.”

Lisa claps and gives you a big hug as your demon beams behind you.

***

“Hello fellow veterans, spouses, and partners! Glad you could all join us tonight. I hope you are having some much needed fun! I do have just a quick announcement to make. I would like to introduce you to Steven Harrington who is new to Hawkins and after speaking with him I feel like he will be a great addition to our center here as the group counselor.” The man at the podium smiles as he gestures towards the demon and everyone around the room claps. “Steve, why don’t you introduce yourself?”

When he hesitates, you gently push him forward, urging him softly before he relents and nervously climbs up the makeshift stage. 

“Um, hi. Sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve been seen by so many people.” The people chuckle as you and Eddie grin knowingly. “Like Thomas said, I’m, uh, new to Hawkins but my girlfriend is from here and my partner and I thought it would be better for her to be back home where she felt safe with her family so we can start raising our own. I-I-I…shit I used to better at this.”, he chuckles before glancing your way, your gentle smile comforting him. 

“I was raised in a military household. My dad was a solider so that’s what I was expected to be. As soon as I was able, he handed me a weapon and commanded I train to be the best. There was no wiggle room there. It was all or nothing. When I saw war…I shut down and did what I had to. I took no pleasure in killing, contrary to popular belief.”

“The worst part about shutting down that way was how it flowed into my every day. I was as an asshole to everyone including women I dated and people I trained… except for some of the people closest to me…Robin, Chrissy, and Eddie. When Edward and I got out…I felt so out of control…so lost. I lost my identity and everything I knew. If I didn’t have him by my side… Then we met Y/N and without her we literally wouldn’t be here today.”

Steve paused, looking out into the crowd, and realizing he may be talking too much. 

“Sorry. I’m sorry. Thank you so much for this opportunity and I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

The people in the room clap as he steps off the stage and you immediately wrap your arms around his waist as Eddie lightly caresses his cheek. 

***

4 Months Pregnant

You beam at Eddie as he softly strums his instrument. That day after Shawn suggested it, he went down to the music store in town and applied for the job as a guitar instructor. After playing and showing off for them he got the job. He loved hearing the kids try and play reminding him of the children he watched over with Steve during their war. 

Today was everyone’s day off so they were being lazy in bed with you in your pajamas and both demons in nothing but their sweats. 

“Ok, this thing here says for humans you should be feeling him move around now.”, Steve announced as he gestured towards the book he was reading. 

“I haven’t felt him move yet unless the occasional nausea is him saying hello.”, you giggle. Leaning over him, you grab his hand and place it on the middle of your stomach. “Talk to him.”

“Uh, I…hey, Ellis. It’s, um, your daddy. I’m not scaring him with my voice, right?”

“No, baby.”, you grin as you pet his head. “This is how he’ll get used to it though. Hearing and seeing you both in your demon form.”

“Buddy, you have no reason to be afraid of us in any form. I’m sorry your dads aren’t as beautiful as you and your mom but—”

“Hey, speak for yourself.”, Eddie teases making you laugh. “I’m a sexy motherfucker.”

“Oh.”

“What?”, Steve’s eyes shift up excitedly. 

“You didn’t feel that?”

When he shakes his head, you place his hand closer to the side you felt movement, gesturing for the other demon to do the same.

“Say something else.”

“Hey Ellis. This is your other daddy and I assure you we are very handsome.”

“Holy shit.”, Steve exhales as he grins up towards his partner. “That’s amazing.”

“I’m glad you agree, kid.”, Eddie smiles.

***

6 Months Pregnant

Eddie growls at the crib he was trying to assemble as his glowing red eyes glare at the instructions again. Over these past couple of months, you three had made your dad’s old room your bedroom and begun shifting the room you used to sleep in into Ellis’s. 

Going off his personality from your dreams, you painted the room blue with images of guitars along the base boards and up along the ridges of the ceiling. Near where his crib would be, you put up pictures of everyone in his family that loved him including Robin, Wayne, Dustin, and everyone who had passed that he had been conversing with these past six months. 

The boys were able to get everything a baby would need from your realm but also from theirs including those books that Eddie had wrote and some toys demons normally played with at a young age. 

“Whoever invented these contraptions should be tortured for eternity.”, Eddie grunted as he tried again putting a few of the pieces together. 

“You guys don’t have cribs in your realm?” 

“Yeah but they were like boxes essentially. Or at least mine was. I’m sure Steven had gold porcelain or some shit.”

“No.”, Steve chuckled as he took the wrong part from his partner’s hand and handed him the correct one. “I had a regular little wooden thing with soft blankets.”

“I wish I could see what you two were like as kids.”

Since they left Maeve, they weren’t able to snap memories into your head like they were before. It hurt them more than you because you always seemed curious about them and they wished they could show you everything from their point of view, not Henry’s or Mirage’s. 

“How much did Mirage show you?”

“She showed me big events more than anything. Steve always looking for his parents especially your mom. She did play sword fight with you once and you looked so happy until your dad yelled at her for ‘ruining your training’.” You rolled your eyes as Steve pet your head and sighed. “Eddie, I did see what your uncle told me about with your mom singing to you.” The demon’s glow receded in his eyes as he glanced your way with a small smile. 

“Until my father told her to shut up?”

Tilting forward, you crawled over his work to kiss his lips making his smile widen as he caressed your face. 

“What about your parents, honey?”

“Both my parents were amazing. My dad always loved to make us laugh. He liked being a girl dad and my mom exploited that.”, you giggle. “She would make him wear tutus while I would do his makeup and they both would dance.”

A tear left your eyes and both demons promptly gave you their attention. 

“I’m sorry you guys don’t have your parents here. You both deserve better.”

“Baby, it’s ok—”

“Eddie it’s not okay.”

“Will you let me finish?”, he jokes. “It’s ok because I had my mom and I had Wayne. Then as I got older I got my other family. Steven, Robin, Chrissy, and even Dustin. Now, sweetheart, I have you two and Ellis. I couldn’t be happier.”

“I agree. I’m thankful for the memories I do have with my mom but the kids I trained and beings I fought with…that was my family. I’m so excited to see what’s in store for us, you know. See what Ellis is going to do with his life.”

You smiled as you kissed their lips before you wince and lean away. 

“Ow. Little butthead is kicking my side.”

“Hey, kid.”, Eddie teases as he tilts towards your tummy. “Why don’t you stop hurting your mother and come help me make your torture technic of a crib.”

###############

8 months Pregnant

You, Steve, and Eddie walked into the house you three had been in so many times these last few months except now it was completely empty. All the furniture and everything was completely absent as you entered the living room full of people.

“Ellis?”

Everyone in the room moved out of the way to where Eddie’s mom was hugging her grandson to her chest as he sobbed. 

“I don wanna go!”

“You have to, baby. Your mommy and daddies need you now. They’ve been waiting so long to see you.”

“Mom?”, Eddie asked as he stepped towards her. “What’s going on?”

She softly smiled as she handed him to your father who spun him around as he chuckled but your son just buried his face further in his neck. 

“Come on, little guy. Your parents have made you an awesome bedroom and knowing my daughter she’s going to show you so many amazing things.”

The little boy shook his head as your dad kissed his temple before handing him to your mom. 

“Steven, remember, you once told me that everything would be ok and you were right. I’ve watched you both take care of my baby and I assure you, you both are going to be more than ok. You are going to be amazing parents.”

He beamed at him as he wrapped his arms around the demon and pulled him in for a hug. 

Your mother grinned as she reached out to touch your face as you started to cry. 

“I’m scared to do this without you.”, you whisper. 

Your parent’s smiles widen as she kisses her grandson and places him in your arms. 

“We’re not going anywhere. We’re always right here.”, she soothes as she points to Ellis’s forehead. “Right behind that door, honey.”

“I love you.”, you son coos as each grandparent reciprocates his affection. 

As both your demons come to your side, you look down to no longer see a toddler but a newborn baby wiggling in your arms. Steve gently pets his head as Eddie reaches for his tiny hand that immediately clings to his finger. 

All of your eyes shoot open but yours is followed by a grunt as you place your hands on your stomach. 

“Fuck! I think…”

They don’t waste any time as they collect you and your things before rushing towards the hospital. 

***

“How long are they going to keep him back there?”, Eddie growled as he held your hand.

“Calm down. Y/N said this was normal. They need to clean him, check his vitals, and all that.”

“Yeah, but Steven, what if something comes up in those vitals that frightens a human.”

The other demon’s eyes flash red in warning in his direction as a low rumble leaves his chest. 

“Maybe we should have had him in your realm.”, you respond groggily as your heavy eyes shift their way. 

“Baby, don’t let Edward scare you, ok? He’s fine. He’s got more human in him right now than anything. Dustin said he would grow into his demon parts.”

“He also said we’re the first couple ever to do this so…”

“Edward Munson, I swear—“, Steve’s anger was cut short when the door to your hospital room opened and a nurse casually sauntered in.

“Hey Munson-Harrington family.”, she smiles. “We have little Ellis here fast asleep and everything looks good. Mommy, how are you feeling?”

“Like I gave birth.” The nurse laughs at your joke as your demons roll their eyes. “I’m alright. A bit exhausted.”

“Yeah, that’s normal, sweetheart. Good news is your baby is in perfect health. Would you like to meet him?” Your eyes fully open as you sit up, smiling softly when she places him in your arms.  “I’ll come check on you three in a bit.”

Tears start to fall as you fully take him in. Right now, he seemed like a completely normal child with soft skin and just a sliver of brown hair poking out of his blue beanie. 

“Hey, honey. You’re so handsome. I’m your mommy.”, you coo in a whisper as you kiss his forehead. “Oh my god, he smells so good.”, you laugh as you look their way. 

Eddie was the first to step forward, sitting beside you on the bed as he caressed his son’s chubby little cheek with his finger. 

“Holy shit. He’s so soft.”, he breathes. “You’re perfect, kid.”

Steve finally takes a seat as well and reaches out to feel his tiny hand. 

“He’s warm to. Is that normal?” When you nod, he almost breathes a sigh of relief. “Ellis, we’re your daddies. You ARE perfect, oh my god.”

The baby squirms a bit in your hold giving them pause before pulling away. 

“I think that was his way of saying thank you.”, you smile. 

###########

3 Weeks Old

“Fascinating.”, Dustin muses as he rocks Ellis in his arms while swaying around the living room. “He really does look just like a little human with the soft skin and everything. Nothing has stood out?”

“Can you stop analyzing our baby and just enjoy him?”, Eddie snaps as he sighs. 

“No, nothing.”, you giggle, answering his question. “And so far he seems to eat but not as much as normal babies.”

“How so?”

“Babies are supposed to eat every two hours; we’ve been feeding him every six. I was worried at first but we just took him the doctor and she said he was healthy. When I tried to give him a bottle every two he would cry and push at my hands.”

“Interesting. That has to be hard, Y/N. Him not being able to verbally tell you things like that. I hated when my kids cried in general but you…you still have that whole trial and error thing going.”

Glancing towards your demons, Eddie had fallen asleep with his head nestled in Steve’s lap on the couch who was already napping when Dustin arrived. 

“It is. I appreciate everything you’ve done for us though and I know they do to. I’ve been keeping a record like you suggested should this ever happen for anyone else.”

“Good.” When he notices your gaze shift again, he takes a seat on the floor beside you and lays Ellis on the blanket between you both. “Everything ok with you three?”

“Yeah, I’m just a little worried. They were both already so protective over me and now that he’s here… Steve’s been having nightmares. He pretends he doesn’t but I hear him groaning in his sleep and feel him wake up. I asked him the other night if he still has access to my dreams and he said he can’t find the door anymore.”

A tear fell down your check as Dustin reached out to comfort you. 

“As I’m sure you’ve noticed, Eddie’s attitude has been a lot shorter lately. He’s exhausted and worried about the three of us. He triple checks everything to the point that I find him asleep on the floor by Ellis’s crib because he’s too tired to make it back to our bed and would just rather be closer to his son just in case.”

“What about you? Besides the worry I mean.”

“I know I’m probably being paranoid but sometimes I feel like we’re being watched. It may just be because of our dynamic. I know not everyone is excepting like the new friends we’ve made but no one has said anything… I don’t know. Just…mom brain maybe.”

“Hm, maybe. Keep an eye on that. From what you’ve told me, you’re always pretty intuitive. Wouldn’t want to miss something you know?”

#########

5 Weeks Old

“Oh my god, Y/N, look at him.”, Lisa coos at Ellis as she holds him in her arms. 

“Are you alright, Steve? You look like you haven’t slept.”, Shawn chuckles. 

“Yeah, I’m doing alright. Just…little guy keeping me up.”, he forces a smile. 

Your friends were having a get together for veterans and their families and since Steve worked at the center you suggested you three should go and be seen. Truthfully, you thought it would be good for them both to get out of the house as well as having him specifically spend some time with his new veteran friends to talk about anything that may be weighing on his mind causing his nightmares.

As the night wore on you noticed their soft grins return to their faces as he and Eddie mingled with the people around them. They radiated warmth as they talked about their son and everything he had done with his short little life so far.

“Have you guys started baby proofing yet? I swear when my daughter started crawling it was like she knew which areas were the bad ones!”

“Oh no, not yet. He did smile at Y/N the other day. Ellis has a beautiful little grin.”, Steve boasts.

“At that age usually it’s just reflexive. They see you guys smiling so…”

“Isn’t that all babies though? Like that’s how they learn?”, Eddie genuinely asks as the dads around him laugh. 

“Yeah but who knows some babies are different! You may just have an extremely happy baby who couldn’t wait to show you guys how much he loves being here.”

Time passed and a few of the guests left, leaving the main few that you had really gotten to know. You all sat in the living room while Eddie patted his son’s back as Ellis slept soundly. Steve tenderly petted the baby’s head as you beamed at them from your place in the chair across from them. 

“So how has everything else been going?”, Thomas asks as he chugs back some of the beer in his bottle. 

“Everything has been good, man. Just focusing on them, ya know?”

“Yeah, I understand. When my son was born, that first night I checked on him every hour on the hour. Then for some reason I kept checking on my wife. I knew our son needed us both and I kept thinking ‘What if something happened to either of us?’”

“I can understand that. I, uh, before Y/N and Steve, I lost a lot of people I loved and there was nothing I could do. Now that Ellis is here…it would kill me if anything ever happened to him.”

“Do you have nightmares about it? About losing them?”

“I don’t but Stevie here does.”, Eddie answers causing Steve to toss a glare his way. 

“I do but it’s fine. It’s not a big deal.”

“I had them to. Sometimes I would dream they were on the battlefield I fought in. I would run to them but I could never quite reach them.”, Thomas sighs at the memory. “What do you dream about?”

“It’s fine really.”

You’re not sure if anyone else heard but you and Eddie did as the demon’s voice fluctuated to his real one for a split second.

“Steven…”

“It’s ok, Y/N. Like I said, I get it. If you talk about it, it gives it validity right? You’d hate to manifest something like that into existence. Someone killing Y/N and your son.”

Steve’s eyes closed as his head ticked to the side. 

“Ok, Tom, I appreciate what you’re trying to do but I’m putting my foot down. You’re going to push him too far and he’s already got enough on his mind.”, Eddie defended rising to his feet and handing you the baby. 

“Ah, you’re the enabler I imagine. You allow him to shelter his feelings so he doesn’t have to deal with them.”

“You’re damn right I do. You humans have no idea what we’ve been through!”

“Interesting word choice. Is that how you separate people from your experiences?”

“Come on, guys, let’s head home.” As the long-haired demon grabbed his boyfriend’s arm, he remained frozen in place. Kneeling in front of him, he cupped his face in his hands. “Steven, it’s ok alright. You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to. Let’s go home and get some sleep, huh?”

When the demon finally opened his eyes, Eddie’s widen in fear; he knew this look all too well. As subtly as he could, he got to his feet and towards the front door with you trailing after him. 

“Steven—”

Once the wind of the outside hit your faces, he expanded his wings, cutting you off as he vanished into the air.

***

“Edward, baby, are you ok?”

Eddie nodded from his place on the floor next Ellis who was sleeping soundly beside him. After laying down as well, he softly smiles your way as he continues caressing the baby’s open hand. 

“DO I enable him, Y/N?”

“Eddie…”

“I just…we went through so much… Every day I had to watch the man I love breakdown. Even when we were out, summoners never treated us with any kind of respect. They knew we wouldn’t be there for long. In our realm, he was hero and with one choice, he was banished and imprisoned…because of me.”

“No, Eddie. Everything you two went through was because of Henry. He killed Chrissy and framed you. Jason didn’t give Steve much of a choice. He was going to disobey orders and hurt you.”

“I always tried to make it up to him… I tried not to show my feelings, pretending I didn’t care we were trapped. Pretending I wasn’t scared and just as angry as he was. I’ve done that my whole life, Y/N. When my mom got sick, I did everything I could to make her laugh so she wouldn’t see how devastated I was. Every time my father came home upset, I acted like I was tough but I was fucking terrified, baby. I was so scared.”

A tear fell from his eye and your immediately wiped it away with your thumb.

“When he fled, I was afraid for my uncle. I didn’t even think twice when I signed up but I was positive I wouldn’t last a month out there on the battlefield. Steven and Robin helped me become a better fighter. With Chris I pretended to be more together than I was. She had enough on her plate at the time and I wanted her to feel safe.”

“It seems like that’s why you pretend, Eddie, so the people you love feel safe.”

Sitting up, he started to cry harder and you immediately crawled to him, curling up in his lap as you held him in your arms. 

The sound you recognized as a portal opening grabbed both your attention as you called Steve’s name.

“Hey, no, sorry. It’s just me. I have him here though.”, Robin answered as she came around the corner with the demon leaning half-conscious around her shoulders. “My girlfriend sent me a message saying he was there at the bar. He had been babbling about how human drinks aren’t strong enough and something about you two and Ellis.”

After leading her to the bedroom, she gently placed Steve onto the mattress. When Eddie entered the room, she smiled when she saw your son’s wide eyes looking back at her.

“He woke up.”, the demon announced as Ellis yawned to emphasis his point. 

“You need to let your parents get some rest, booger.”, Robin coos as she pokes his nose making him smile. 

“Some of our friends said for human babies around this time smiles like that are a reflex.”

“Yeah but he’s not entirely human and that beautiful, drool filled grin didn’t seem reflexive.”, she responded. “It seems like he can handle the demon skin since he’s letting us touch him.”

“Yeah, I think that’s the potion.”, you nod as you reach out to tickle the baby’s chin. “Thank you for bringing Steve back, Robin.”

Softly smiling, she leans down to kiss your forehead.

“Seriously, you and Ellis are so soft—”

“Ay yi, ma’am. This human is ours.”, Eddie playfully scolds as he swats his hand in her direction. 

***

Loud banging and clinking echoes behind the door you’re looking at as smoke occasionally slips through the seams. Taking a long exhale, you reach for the handle but someone tapping your shoulder startles you as you turn and smack the person’s face. 

“Ow! Jesus woman. How many times are you going to pop me?!”, Eddie whines as he rubs his cheek. 

“Edward, how did you—”

“I don’t know. I’ve been looking for the door for months. Maybe you finally calmed me down enough to know what I’m looking for.” Nodding, you kiss his lips. “So what’s the plan?”

“I think…this is Steve’s door. I don’t know. I’ve been trying to access his dreams but I haven’t been able to.”

Holding your hand, he carefully turns the knob and you both step through. Glancing down at his attire, Eddie realizes he’s suddenly in his old battle armor and you both are on the battlefield they fought on all those centuries ago. 

“Why am I not in armor?”

“I mean, you weren’t there, baby.”

“What the fuck are you two doing here?!”, Steve’s father shrieks above you as he lands on his feet. “Leave. NOW. My son needs to learn his lesson.”

“YOU’VE been giving him his nightmares?”, you growl.

“Not exactly. He started having them on his own but I’ve been fueling them.”

Shifting your gaze behind him, you both watch as Steve slaughters enemy after enemy, panting as he slowly tires himself out.

“Steven! Do better! You think these fuckers are going to show mercy on your son?! You have to do what I taught you to get the truth!”

Eddie gripped Bill’s throat and angrily threw him to the ground. 

“You made your hell his hell, you fucking asshole. He told me all about you and everything you did to him. You ruined his life enough! Leave him be.”

“Please. He’s doing this to himself. He’s worried about you two peasants and that thing. I’m making him better. Stronger.”

Grabbing a sword from the ground, you lift the handle and point the other end towards his throat. 

“You heard him. Leave Steven alone or else I swear to God, Bill, I will find a way myself to keep you in hell.”

Growling under his breath, he tried to stand but you and Eddie forced him back down with your weapons. Huffing he suddenly disappeared as well as every other solider that had fallen around the other demon. 

“Ed-Edward?”, Steve panted heavily when you noticed you both there. “Y/N? What are you…? It doesn’t matter. We need to get to Ellis or else Henry’s going to kill him. We have to—”

“Baby, look at me.”, Eddie tried to soothe as he cupped his cheeks in his hands. “You’re dreaming ok? Henry is gone and Ellis is in his crib fast asleep.”

“N-No. No? I can hear him. I can hear him crying! Can’t you hear that?!”

“Steven—”

“NO!”, the demon growls loudly as he shoves the man he loves hard backwards. “Who are you?! You’re not Edward. Y-You’re…You’re trying to trick me. Are you Mirage? Did Henry and his dad hire you to stop me?!”

“Steven…”, Eddie cried with worry as he threw the sword he was holding to the ground and held up his hands. “Sweetheart, please, it’s me. I promise. I would never hurt you like that. I would never keep you from our son.”

As he tried to step forward, the other demon shoved him to the ground.

“I-I-I need to get to my son.”, Steve sobbed as his voice cracked. “I know you’re not Eddie. Tell me where he is.”

When he didn’t answer, he pulled back and pushed his weapon downward. 

The sound of your grunt filled their ears as your eyes met Steve’s wide glassy ones. When you both looked down, blood drenched his sword where it had pushed through your stomach and around your back. 

“Baby?”

Looking up at him again, you smiled through the pain as blood dripped from your lips. 

“Why…why does it hurt?”

The three of you opened your eyes at the same time as you sat up clutching your stomach. Lifting up your shirt, there was no wound but it felt so real. You could still feel the stinging pain lingering on your skin. 

Eddie’s head slowly turned meeting Steve’s still shocked expression as is mouth hung open in shock. 

“I—”

The long-haired demon’s growl cut him off as his eyes glowed bright red. 

“Take us to another realm that we can fucking damage NOW.” You didn’t say anything as Steve rose to his feet with his head hung preparing a portal for them to go through. “Stay here.”

Coming around the bed, he waited for the other demon to finish as you peeked into the world they’d be going to. It was completely baron with nothing but white as far as the eye can see. 

“Fitting.”, Eddie responded in anger as he and the other demon walked inside. 

As the portal began to close, you quickly got up and jumped through right as it disappeared. 

You knew Eddie may be mad but after what happened this wasn’t something you were going to let them handle alone. 

##############

@tlclick73 @tiannamortis @steeldaisies @goodhappyfriday @paleidiot @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes

@strangerthings64 @howlingco @eddiesguitarskills

@prettypeachsworld @nailbatanddungeon @notlempet

[iaure]

𝗱𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁; 𝘄𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗿

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟthe dearest collection - part one/beloved 𓆩♡𓆪 part two/prized 𓆩♡𓆪 part three/devoted 𓆩♡𓆪 part four/desperate 𓆩♡𓆪 part five/blind 𓆩♡𓆪 part six/watcher 𓆩♡𓆪 part seven/ardor 𓆩♡𓆪 part eight/fervor this is very heavily inspired by @//clusterfuck-yandere's yandere leon headcanons; please check out their works. this is something of a love letter to their puppy obsession series.

yandere leon s. kennedy headcanons; reader is a survivor of raccoon city. tw: general yandere behaviour, stalking, harassment, ptsd, mentions of panic attacks, entrapment, delusional thinking, notes: Leon doesn't know Selia's name, nor does he care to; thus, she's referred to as 'your coworker'.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ aaa this took longer than i thought! i got caught up in things :( but no matter! there's going to be a poll coming out sometime tomorrow; please have such an enthusiastic response to this poll as you did the last one!! it will determine the fate of You and Leon!

things were going great.

♡ Leon had been walking you home almost every closing shift you had.

♡ you'd been inviting him over more often, and even though you were having him in your bed anymore, this was just as good.

♡ he kept on trying to show just how good of a boyfriend he could be.

♡ he'd try anything for you, even stuff he sucked at.

♡ cooking? sure, he burned it every time (or had some other strange disaster), but he'd pay for something even better that he knew you'd like.

♡ every time, it was like he was jumping up and down, waving his arms; look, look! he was a provider! he could support you! you wouldn't even have to leave your house!

♡ flowers? for sure! he'd get the stuff that florists would point his way, and granted, it was probably a racket for him to spend money, but he didn't mind.

♡ cleaning? for sure! that's one thing he actually enjoyed doing, and he'd get it done in record time.

♡ he tried absolutely everything.

but that perfection couldn't last forever.

♡ your coworker got jealous.

♡ he never really liked her. she seemed too snotty and a bad influence on you, even if she made you laugh.

♡ Leon knew you were perfect. he knew others would want you.

♡ why was he so naïve to think that would never happen?

♡ but then the worst possible outcome began happening.

♡ you started pulling away.

♡ he knew you weren't doing it on purpose! you weren't doing it to break his heart!

♡ he knew it was that nasty, jealous, vindictive bitch was behind it.

♡ when he would come in, she'd lie about where you were or whether or not you'd came in. and he'd know she was lying because he saw you clock in!

♡ she'd say you were in trouble for something, but he knew you weren't because you were never in trouble.

♡ he'd leave, because how would he be able to work around that he knew?

♡ he, at very least, knew you had been working in the back more often, and he just knew it was your coworker hiding you away.

♡ he was bitter.

♡ never at you, of course. you were perfectly innocent in this entire situation.

♡ but your coworker?

♡ she needed to go. stat.

♡ he, truthfully, was ashamed how quickly he was ready to resort to dirty tactics.

♡ but he didn't start this war. he was just going to finish it.

♡ Leon started trying to intercept moments that your coworker would insert herself into.

♡ but he was foiled, every time.

♡ power conveniently went out in your building? he'd go rushing to your door, only to find you giggling at something your coworker was saying.

♡ you were closing tonight? he'd cut his workout short and haul ass to the bakery, only to find your coworker opening the door, shooting him a shit-eating grin.

♡ after the heavenly dream he was walking with you before, this was a downright nightmare.

♡ he couldn't feel you anymore, see you smile at him, or even stand nearby.

♡ he had nothing.

unfortunately, this also meant he had nothing to lose.

♡ he went from 'strange and unusual punishment' to 'illegal tactics used against journalists' in a heartbeat.

♡ he began editing faux police reports directed at your coworker. theft? robbery? harassment? assault? it had it all.

♡ STRATCOM resources were unparalleled.

♡ his plan was to slowly release the information to the owner of the bakery, steal some cash (which would appear conveniently in your apartment for your benefit), and the rest would write itself.

♡ she'd be out of your life, out of the way, and he'd be able to get right back on track.

♡ but then he had a terrible realisation.

♡ your coworker was still your friend, after all.

♡ a vision of your pretty eyes filled with tears came to him, and he (reluctantly) realised he would have to avoid the nuclear option. for now.

♡ he knew, then, what he had to do.

♡ he had to talk to you. one on one.

♡ the idea of talking to you after so long was thrilling, to say the least.

♡ he thought of every possible outcome he could.

♡ if you thought he was going to hurt you (he'd never!!) and you tried to bolt to the door, then he'd have to figure out how to block it.

♡ he'd have to ask you to let him in first, but would you really? maybe it'd be better to get in with the spare key again.

♡ he couldn't mess up his speech either, so he'd bring flashcards. he always found them helpful back in the police academy.

♡ he'd get dinner, he'd clean up the place, get candles, flowers!

♡ he'd go the whole nine yards to try and convince you that he was worth having in your life.

♡ he didn't want to wear a suit, in case things got complicated (what if you tried something crazy like diving out the window?!), but he still wanted to look nice, so he defaulted to a black turtleneck and some nice pants.

♡ if he was lucky, it would look just like you had an apologetic husband. give or take a couple of weights to block the door off of with.

♡ it only took two days to get everything ready.

♡ you had walked yourself home (you were so brave, he loved that), and when you walked into your apartment, you didn't even notice him in the kitchen.

♡ were you just that tired? poor thing. after all this, you two could nap together.

♡ you didn't come out of your room until he moved the bag to the door, as quietly as he could.

♡ but forty-nine weights weren't exactly quiet.

♡ you finally walked out, half-relaxed and perfect and freshly changed and comfortable and-

♡ your face.

♡ it was a strange mix of restrained joy, shock, concern, confusion-everything he expected. a little hurt, even, though he wasn't sure why.

♡ but as he sat on your couch, trying to keep eye contact for as long as he could, he swallowed.

♡ his hands laced together. his heart pounded in his ears.

"we need to talk."

𓂋

ʚ♡ɞ taglist @theybotomy ⸜❤︎⸝‍ @kujosuke ⸜❤︎⸝‍  @je-suis-argent-miel  ⸜❤︎⸝‍ @xxacademy ⸜❤︎⸝‍ @gettingsilly ⸜❤︎⸝‍ @apollodarling-writes

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

Apologies

IMO Carmy apologizes just fine and not just to Syd, has always done that actually.

Sometimes he just admits his wrongdoing though, and this tone was set very early in the relationship.

This is almost better than saying "I'm sorry" if you ask me BUT only if followed by an actual change in behavior. THAT'S THE PART HE FALLS SHORT AT, NOT THE APOLOGIES PER SE. (keep reading if you wanna know why because there’s a scientific explanation for that, it’s not his fault yet it is his responsibility to overcome it)

Brigade | 01x03

Braciole | 01x08

Braciole | 01x08

OK, OK! He didn't say "I'm sorry", true. He just admitted his behavior was not OK, which still counts. And then he tried to redeem himself by offering to share his lifelong dream with her. Whether that's even better than an apology or not, I'm not willing to debate, some may think it might be. I'm not one of them, I think a change in behavior is the best apology

BUT to be fair:

Syd didn't apologize either for leaving the take-out option ON, she just offered him a second chance, which means that at that point neither one of them were apologizing with words, they were BOTH using actions instead.

The reason being, the feelings that started brewing beneath the surface, they didn't wanna acknowledge them, they deliberately chose not to and intended to move on. The decision was made. They decided to "keep it profesh", thus they couldn't voice them out because if they did they were gonna upgrade them to "real/official" and they were nowhere ready for that nor were they willing to do it, for that matter. So, in fact, at that point, they probably even decided they were never gonna be and gave up before even giving it a second thought.

In his case the progression of that was quite obvious:

<That's why C showed up shortly after, btw. It just fits the timeline they both tacitly started building since Braciole.>

AND BECAUSE LOVE FOR CARMY MEANS THIS↓

"It always gets fucked."

In her case, I can only guess because the sadist completely deprived us of her juicy background story pretty much, but I could bet an obscene amount of money on Syd having a similar idea of what love might entail, that's why no matter how loving and nurturing she is, she doesn't really let anyone in - refer to her tattoo for symbology pls -

She puts up walls:

More about that here:

Luckily in S3 they are getting flimsier by the minute, but still.

Back to his apologies

Pasta | 02x02

In Pasta he apologized and taught her the "Sorry" sign, even when he wasn't the one who did anything wrong because it was Syd who fucked up the lacto ferment.

Then he did apologize when appropriate a few days later:

Sundae | 02x03

Bolognese | 02x08

Omelette | 02x09

Omelette | 02x09

The Bear | 02x10

Tomorrow | 03x01

Apologies | 03x09

So as you can clearly see, he has no problem apologizing to anyone when he means it, his problem starts after the apology because even when he meant it, even when he's truly repentant, he fucks up, which IMPO is actually a trauma response → linked to his C-PTSD to be more precise. He self-boycotts because his brain is wired that way after years of enduring abuse. Meaning, Carmy has ABI (Abusive Brain Injury), which is a type of non-traumatic brain injury (although it could also be TBI if the abuse was also physical) that leads to damaged brain tissue resulting from years of consistent psychological and sometimes physical abuse, like the one he suffered when around Donna and Eleven Madison Dickhead. His 2 main abusers.

In other words, he's wired for failure till he overcomes his trauma, which as I keep saying, will happen in S4 because he has already started his healing process and had his breakthrought in 03x10.

You can read more about the correlation between ABI and abuse here.

Why he doesn't apologize to the C person?

Glad you asked, I already answered that question a while ago:

But it could also be because Syd didn't greenlight him in 03x01 or because C actually told him: "Never apologize". OR because:

I'm going to stick to the theory of it being a denial by-product, though, as I explained in the 1° meta above about GUILT being his main driver just because it's very IC of him. However, it wouldn't be a stretch if it were a combination of all these factors.

Bonus track: He doesn't have a problem with saying ILY either (if he really means it that is, he won't take it lightly), the problem is being on the receiving end of those words because they usually are the preface of a very painful story for him, a story where he usually ends up getting hurt and disappointed.

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[pimosworld]

The story of us chapter 7

Pairing-Triple Frontier boys x f!reader

Chapter summary-Santiago is forced to make a decision.

CW- 18+,MDNI,Explicit. A link will be posted going forward to avoid spoilers.

WK-5.8K

Notes-See series master list for full story notes. This is the chapter that started it all. Santiago the final boss. Also mentioned is hc that Pope has a nightlight thanks to @melodygatesauthor link.

[Series Masterlist][Main Masterlist]

Not beta read

Chapter VII Weak in the knees

———————————

You stretch comfortably relishing in the softness of your sheets. Rarely do you have the chance to indulge in uninterrupted slumber. You know all too well the nightmares that plague you and your boys from years in the service and the events in Colombia. 

  Your ex never had much of a tolerance for helping you through them, often jostling you awake to stop your soft whines. Being horribly ripped from your nightmares was better than having to sleep through them when he opted to head to the couch instead. 

  Despite sleeping alone, it was much more peaceful knowing you had someone who truly cared for you. As though the universe could read your mind you can feel the light buzz of your phone under your pillow. Your stomach flutters at the prospect of which one could be calling you this early in the morning. 

  Ben’s face lights up your screen, a photo you took of him after his first knockout win, you’ve never seen him happier than he was in that moment. Surrounded by all the people he loved most doing the thing he was so passionate about. 

  Good morning honey. You want to scream into your pillow at his sleepy deep voice but you calm your nerves and do your best to reply. 

  “Good morning babe.” 

  If you call me babe again I’m driving over there right now. It’s not surprising that you’re having the same effect on him but it makes you happy all the same.

  Listen I know it’s last minute but I wanted to invite you to my fight tonight. It’s out of town so we’re spending the night.

  “Sorry I promised some coworkers I’d go out tonight for their birthday.” 

  Be safe please and call Santi if you need anything. 

  “Oh…he’s not going with you?”

  No it’s just me,Fish and Will. Santi said he was busy but he’s probably just gonna sulk in his apartment. 

  You decide not to pry into what that means. You knew he needed his space from time to time so it wasn’t out of the ordinary.

  “Good luck tonight babe. I’ll see you guys when you get back.” You giggle at the groan he lets out on the other end.

  You’re a tease, you know that. 

  You hang up smiling down at your phone. You know the two of you could spend an ungodly amount of time talking about nothing and arguing about who should hang up first. You roll over clutching the phone to your chest wondering how you got so lucky. Maybe this was just a dream that you’d wake up from one day but for now you’d enjoy it in whatever form it came.

  ****

  You don’t remember the last time you had this much fun dancing. It was true that you had neglected several relationships in lieu of that asshole and you were grateful that you hadn’t completely ruined those connections. 

  You’re on the dance floor with the birthday girl and a few other coworkers when you glance over at the bar. The floor feels like it’s going to give out as all the air leaves your lungs. Maybe it was the drinks or your mind playing cruel tricks on you but you swear you saw your ex.

  “You ok hon.” Angela yells over the music in your ear bringing you back to the moment. 

  “Ya…I think I just need to sit down for a minute.” You walk to the table on shaky legs as you try and get a grip on reality. 

  You needed to calm down, it probably wasn’t him. Even if it was, he had every right to be in this public place. You’re trying to silence the alarm bells in your brain telling you he was following you. Ptsd does horrible things to your mental state. You’re trying to remember some of the things Will told you. Ground yourself, 4 things you can touch,3 things you can hear,2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste. 

  This is quite possibly the worst place to ground yourself. All you can feel is the stickiness of the table in front of you, you can’t hear anything beyond the music and the loud voices echoing over it. The smell of cheap liquor and heavy cologne permeate your senses and the last thing you want to taste right now is the watered down drink that was left unattended while you were dancing.

  Your chest is getting tight and the bar seems to be darker than it was 5 minutes ago. You have to get out of here.

  You don’t want to bother Santi and you don’t think you could even wait long enough for him to arrive before you pass out from a full blown panic attack.

  You pull out your phone to call an Uber and head outside as you text your friends that you were feeling sick and had to leave. You hover close to the bouncer outside as you wait briefly for it to arrive.

  The humid air outside does nothing to calm your nerves as the small black sedan pulls up and you double check the license plate to make sure it’s your driver. 

  You take the first deep breath in a while as you enter the car and an older woman offers you her name and smiles. 

  You can feel the soft cloth seats beneath your fingers and the cool metal of the buckle as you secure your seatbelt. You set your phone and purse down beside you as you rest your head back against the seat. You can hear the ac blasting, the sounds of the soft jazz on her radio, the thrumming of the car's engine. It smells like a new car and her fresh pine air freshener she has hanging on the rear view mirror. 

  “I have some water in a cooler back there if you want some hon.” You open your eyes and try to choke back the tears that have been threatening to spill since you left the bar. It’s not like she knew your nickname, it's just a term of endearment. 

  “Thank you.” You gratefully accept the water as your panic subsides, thanking whoever out there sent your guardian angel to pick you up. 

  You don’t know when you closed your eyes again but a bright flashing light startles you awake. You can tell you’re almost home as you try and gain your bearings but the vehicle behind you is so close it’s impossible to see.

  “Excuse my language but this person is driving like an asshole.” You chuckle at the older woman’s response as the car pulls around you speeding aggressively by. 

  “Almost home hon…” She smiles sweetly to you in the mirror as you try to school your expression. You’d recognize that truck anywhere and suddenly your suspicions from the bar were all but confirmed. 

  Fuck

  ****

Just pick up the phone and call her, if only it were that simple for Santiago as he sits alone in his apartment staring down at the blank phone screen like it’s going to spontaneously call you. 

Will's words echoed in his mind, playing on a constant loop. Why was he denying himself happiness? That stubborn part of his brain always goes to the worst case scenario. If it doesn’t work out he could lose you forever. 

Somehow he forgets how many times he’s been here before with you. He won’t admit to the guys how many times you’ve waded into that territory. You confessed your love so many times only to be met with his stupid avoidances or the casual ‘ love you too’. 

Everything was different after Colombia, after that night you spent in the hotel just holding each other. No words were spoken but feelings were exchanged. In true Santiago fashion you returned to the states and he acted as if nothing had happened. You didn’t want to admit how much it broke you. 

He was always running from his feelings but he kept your heart on a string from the moment you met. The string would get closer or further away depending on how he was feeling but that was the closest it’s been to snapping. 

He could say what he wanted about the other guys but he broke the rules more than anyone. Always toting the line of no one can have you if I can’t. He never made an attempt over the years to like your boyfriends, it didn’t bother you much, you knew how protective he was in more ways than one. 

You however would do your best to like his girlfriends or the ones that actually stuck around for more than a month. He would find some excuse to break it off when she started getting too close to the group. Any serious relationship threatening what you had made him feel uneasy. 

Little did you know he could never have someone he loved so close to someone he was pretending to love. 

After Colombia he thought you were just coping like you usually did. Find some shitty guy for a few weeks to occupy your mind and then everything would go back to the way it was. You stopped responding to texts, stopped showing up to the bar, stopped showing up to Benny's fights. Maybe this time he finally pushed you over the edge. Into the arms of someone unworthy of your love and genuine kindness. 

He could call himself a hypocrite for even having these thoughts. He was too stubborn for that. He couldn’t see that he was being just as shitty to you as any of the guys you’ve dated. He wouldn’t commit but he wouldn’t let you get far enough to forget that he was an option. 

Why couldn’t he just say he loved you? 

The night before they confronted Mike was the first panic attack he’d had in a very long time. His chest  was growing tighter each time he couldn’t see you, his emotions threatening to boil over and affecting his daily life. He couldn’t focus or think about anything besides you. 

He didn’t regret coming over, but everyday since then not telling you how he truly felt was making the gaping hole in his heart even bigger. He convinced himself that he would just bide his time until the whole thing blew up in their faces. Now seeing you all so happy including Will he was starting to feel like an outcast. 

Incoming call

“Santi…I didn’t know who else to call.” Your frantic voice on the other line has him in full blown panic.

“Are you okay, what’s happening?” Silence on the other end. His feet are taking him out the door before he knows what’s happening. 

“Talk to me cariño.” 

“I’m sorry I dropped my phone…I was out with some friends and I thought I saw him at the bar but I couldn’t be sure but just now I think he drove by my house.”He can hear your sniffles and heavy breathing and the faint sound of keys. 

“Are you sure?” He doesn’t even need to ask who you’re referring to. 

“Santiago, have you seen his truck!” Of course the most obnoxious monstrosity known to man that screams I’m a douchebag. 

“Yes I’m sorry, I’m on my way right now, stay put.”

“I’m coming to you-.”

“No, you’ve been drinking, make sure the doors are locked and grab your gun. I’ll be there in 5 minutes.” You know he lives at least ten minutes away but you don’t doubt he’ll be here in 5.

“Stay on the phone with me please.” You’ve never heard him so desperate in your life. You almost feel bad for calling him until you see the signature camo wrap truck slowly driving by your house. 

You run to your room and open the closet, placing your finger on the lock box where your gun is held. It’s always loaded but you never thought you might have to use it on someone you know. 

In all your years of training, an elite special ops soldier. The first time in your life not being looked at as a woman who managed to climb this high but a person with a certain skill set that was unmatched for most. You had the steadiest hands but right now your hands are shaking as you stare at the gun knelt in your closet. 

You can hear the front door open and you quickly place the gun back in the lock box. His heavy footsteps echo down the hall as he reaches your room before you can stand from your floor. 

He drops to his knees as he grabs you, pulling you into him. 

“Santi your knees.” He sits back surveying you as if you were an illusion in front of him. 

“I don’t give a shit about my knees, are you okay?” 

Your immediate reaction is to say no, no you’re not okay because all you want to do right now is kiss him and that would be highly inappropriate given the current circumstances. 

“Yes…I’m fine.Can you stay with me tonight?”

You can see the wheels turning in his head. Is he contemplating what you just asked or questioning why he’s even here in the first place?

“No…we should go to my place. He doesn’t know where I live and I would sleep better if we weren’t here.” 

You don’t take long to grab a few things and head out. Santi double and triple checking that he locked your door as you make your way to his jeep. Your street is eerily quiet as you look it over wondering if he was bold enough to drive down it. 

He opens the door for you as you briefly lock eyes. There’s so much unspoken between the two of you, you haven’t been alone with him in months and you can feel the tension rolling off your body. 

He holds your hand the entire way to his apartment. He can barely keep his eyes on the road as he stares back and forth between you and the rearview mirror. As much as you enjoyed being in his company you couldn’t escape the nagging feeling of him ignoring you for days. 

“I’m going to put up some extra surveillance outside your house this week. It would make me feel better.” 

You contemplated your next words. Arguing with them when they had their mind set on something never went well for you and you didn’t want to push him away for being helpful. 

“Thank you, I would really appreciate it.” He looks over at you like he half expected you to protest and now he’s stuck. There was no rebuttal, no back and forth. You simply just agreed to let him help you. 

****

Maybe it was the horrible lighting in Santi’s spare bathroom or the fact that you were crying and smeared your makeup before he got to your house, but you’ve definitely looked better. 

You splash some water on your face and fix your hair as best you could. Your nerves were shot from the events of the night and being here in his apartment with this tension boiling below the surface has you a little on edge. In your panic you didn’t realize you grabbed one of his shirts to change into along with your sleep shorts. 

It would have to do since you couldn’t spend the rest of the night in your dress and the world's most uncomfortable bra. You give yourself a final once over before stepping out into the living room. He was seated on the couch with his arm draped over the back and his legs spread wide in a relaxed state. 

You thought he might want to go to bed with how late it was and you would just sleep on the couch but you can feel your heart rate picking up at the prospect of actually getting to talk to him. 

He turns around as he senses you, his body tenses slightly as his eyes trail down your form. He doesn’t know if you’ve always been this beautiful or if it’s you in his shirt, legs exposed and fresh faced. Emerging from his bathroom smiling at him like it’s some domesticated thing you do everyday. 

“If you’re tired you can sleep in my bed but we can watch a movie if you want to stay up a little.” His eyes flit back and forth between your face and your body. 

“First of all I’d love to watch a movie and second of all I’m not taking your bed Santiago.” He lets out a frustrated sigh as he pats the space next to him. 

“How many of my shirts have you stolen?”

“Borrowed…a few.” You sit next to him just close enough to touch legs but still giving him space.

“So which Star Wars are we watching this time?” He leans forward to grab the remote and pulls you into his side as he gets comfortable again. 

“Empire strikes back?” You knew that wasn’t his favorite but you figured tonight he was either feeling sorry for you or extremely generous. 

“Fine…only because I love you .” He didn’t mean it like that so just calm down. 

You watch the movie as you usually do-with much commentary from Santi about how messed up the order is and if he was a Jedi he would have more self control. Blah blah blah. You’ve heard it a thousand times but it still makes you laugh with how serious he is about it. 

His heart is aching for you, as you genuinely laugh at his jokes that he knows he’s bored you with before. Your giggles echo through his body as your head is laid on his chest. All the worries of the night or the next day melting away with every minute that passes you by. 

If every night was like this he could die a happy man. You curled up next to him, in his shirt,going to sleep in his bed…with him. Except it’s not, he’s fantasizing about things that aren’t real, it’s almost too much as you look up at him sweetly. Your lips are so close to his as his breath fans hot against yours. Why can’t he just shut his brain off. 

He stands abruptly from the couch almost knocking you over. You watch him stomp towards the kitchen unsure of what just transpired. You were certain he was going to kiss you. How could you have misread that?

You were sick of this tip toeing around him and dealing with his mood swings. You traipsed after him determined to figure this out. 

“Is everything okay?” He’s facing away from you as he grips the counter top staring out the kitchen window into the darkness. 

“No.” His hands shake slightly as he grabs a glass to fill with water from the tap. 

“Is there anything I can do to help?” 

“No.” You didn’t think the tension boiling over all night would result in this but you’ve had it with him. 

“What’s your problem Pope?!” He turns to look at you, his pupils are blown wide and you’ve only ever seen him look like this on intense missions. 

“You!…you’re my problem.” You’re trying desperately to swallow the lump in your throat,fighting back the tears that he did not get to see you shed. 

“Maybe I should go.I don’t want to ruin your night any further.” You turn to head towards the bathroom to gather your things. This was a mistake calling him,you pushed your luck thinking this would work. 

“You know what there is something you can do for me.” He’s practically yelling as you spin on your heels. 

“Please enlighten me.”

He stalks towards you until you’re backed against the wall. His face is so close to yours as he places his hands beside your head, his chest is heaving against you as you search his eyes for an answer. 

“You can stop looking at me like that, stop being so perfect, stop wearing those jeans that make your ass look great-.”

“Santiago.” He places his fingers on your lips.

“Stop saying my name like a goddamn prayer.” His eyes are feral and you don’t chance interrupting him again because his brain might catch up with his mouth and he’ll stop saying everything you’ve wanted to hear since the day you met him.

“Stop consuming my sleep and waking thoughts.” He drops his forehead to yours as he tries to catch his breath. “Stop making me love you.” His eyes are so tightly shut it pains you.

“Stop anticipating my every move because you can read me like a fucking book.” You bring your hands to his face willing him to look at you. 

You don’t even remember when your tears started flowing. “Santi I love you too.”

“Just stop.” His voice is hoarse and barely above a whisper. 

“Listen to me, I love you.” He finally lets the damn break as he takes in your words. You kiss his cheeks and taste the salty tears rolling down. 

“I won’t stop doing any of those things, because I love-.”

He cuts your words off with a bruising kiss as he cups the back of your neck. The forceful yet tender pressure of his lips against yours sends a jolt of electricity through your body.

“Tell me what you want cariño.” He pants into your mouth as you both steal breaths from each other.

“I want you.”

“You’ve had me for longer than you know.” 

Your fingers trace the outline of his jaw as you hang in this moment. The anticipation in the air is palpable as he grabs your hand and leads you down the dimly lit hallway. Each step feels like a heartbeat, synchronized with the rush of emotion coursing through you. 

As you enter his bedroom the soft glow of his night light casts shadows among the room. You can still make out his sickeningly beautiful face as he traces a delicate path down your arm, leaving goosebumps in its wake.

He grabs the hem of your shirt slowly raising it up above your stomach and you take a deep breath as he pulls it over your head. Your nipples harden as they’re exposed to the cold air of the room and he inhales sharply. 

“You’re beautiful.” 

“I want to see you.” He quickly removes his shirt revealing his tan toned body. Your fingertips lightly trace the scars across his chest that you’ve seen so many times before. 

He dips his head to your neck,his lips ghost over your pulse point as he hooks his fingers in the waistband of your shorts. As he slides them down he drags his tongue along your chest, kissing the valley between your breasts as he comes face to face with your mound. 

You silently curse yourself that he’s on his knees again for you but you’re only momentarily upset as he lifts your leg over his shoulder. Your breathing has picked up as he places soft kisses along your thigh. He growls at the sight of your dripping folds as his finger teases through your slit. 

He licks a stripe so slow your knees almost buckle but he has a firm grip on your thigh. You whimper above him and grip his hair as he blows cold air onto your exposed mound. 

He laps at you hungrily as his tongue circles your clit. You’re soaking his face as he licks and sucks like it’s the only thing he’s wanted in the world. He can tell you’re close as your grip tightens in his hair pulling him into you. 

“Santiago-“ Your name on his lips while he’s buried in your cunt has his cock straining in his jeans.

“Say it again.” 

“Santiago…please.” His nose grinds against your clit as his tongue prods your entrance,you’re a whimpering mess as you gush into his mouth. He lets out a deep groan into your pussy taking down every drop as you fight to stay standing. 

He grips your hips as he lowers your leg,he stands before you crashing his lips to yours as he licks your bottom lip. You can taste yourself on his tongue and it’s primal the way it makes you feel. He’s all over you like you could change your mind at any moment and he wants to claim as much as he can before it’s over. 

His eyes go wide as you push him back onto the bed. You wondered how often he let himself relinquish control and the sight of him laid out in front of you has a fresh wave of slick coating your thighs. 

You slowly unbuckle his jeans as he lifts his hips for you, never breaking eye contact. His thick cock bobs against his stomach as you pull his jeans and boxers off. You’re practically drooling as you run your hands up his thighs. He shivers beneath you as you take him in your hand stroking him lazily. You trail your thumb at the tip collecting the precum steadily leaking out.

He’s gripping the sheets as he lets out a string of English and Spanish curses under his breath. He gently grabs your hand and he looks like he’s fighting with himself to keep it together. 

“Please…I need you.” Santiago Garcia is begging for you. 

You both have done enough teasing for a lifetime and you won’t make him beg any longer. You straddle his thighs on the bed as you line your entrance with his cock. He grips the base and guides you as you sink down onto him. 

You both still for a moment as you catch your breath. He has a firm grip on your waist as you give an experimental roll of your hips. “Oh fuck.” He’s moving you back and forth in rhythm and you’ve never felt so full. You brace your hands on his chest as you pick up the pace. 

You look like a goddess above him as he watches you ride him. Your noises and chants of his name only spur him on further. He sits up wrapping an arm around your waist and you clench down on him hard as he bounces you on his cock. “Fuck this pussy’s so tight.” 

“Santi..oh.. my god.” He’s going to see god if you don’t stop saying his name like that. 

Your arms wrapped around the back of his neck as you drop your head to his shoulder. He thrusts his hips up as he slams you down and your vision goes white as he punches something deep inside. You bite down hard on his shoulder as you come down from your climax sending him over the edge. A loud groan rips through his chest as he buries his face in the crook of your neck. Your pussy clenches with aftershocks as he pulses in your dripping cunt. 

“That was….” He’s panting on your chest as you nod your head. You can’t even begin to attempt words but he knows what you’re feeling. 

You both let out a long sigh that perhaps you’d been holding for an eternity. You both burst out into laughter at the ridiculousness of it all. 

He rolls you over and pulls out, he spreads your legs wide watching your combined spend dripping out of you. You knew he was possessive but this is a side of him that has you wanting more. 

“Stay here,I’ll be right back.” You never thought you’d be in this position as you watch his perfect ass walk towards his bathroom. 

The water runs briefly before he returns with a washcloth, carefully cleaning your thighs and your swollen folds. 

A brief moment of insecurity flashes through you. As if he can sense it, he leans over you planting a soft kiss to your forehead.

“Under the covers miel, we need to get some sleep.” He pats your thigh playfully as you scramble back to get comfortable. 

He slides in next to you, pulling you up on his chest. You can feel the steady thrum of his heartbeat against your cheek as you start to drift off to sleep. 

He can faintly make out your quiet giggles as he struggles to keep his eyes open.

“Something funny?” You shift slightly to look up at him, it’s hard to see in the darkness but he looks so relaxed. 

“Yes…the nightlight I got you.”

“Mhmm.” He rubs your arm trying to stay awake but your soft warm skin pressed against him is winning the battle. 

“I didn’t think you’d use it.” He may not need it anymore if he can have you like this. 

“It helps me in the dark.” Just like you. 

****

The soft morning light is peeking through the blinds in his room. You look over to see his face buried in the pillow and his arm draped across your stomach.  

The old analog clock he refused to get rid of from your military days says it’s far too early to be getting your day started. You turn over on your side to chase the warmth of his body and hopefully get a few more hours of restful sleep. 

A small folded paper on his nightstand catches your eye. It looks like it’s been handled quite a bit and a black ball point pen is strategically placed next to it. You often wondered what Santiago thought about while sleep eluded him and your curiosity is getting the best of you. 

You slowly reach out trying not to disturb the gorgeous man behind you. Just as your fingers reach it he pulls you back into him. You hold your breath for a moment and then hear the light snores again. 

Of course he made a pros and cons list. 

Pros

Not being alone

Protection

Shared experiences 

More of your needs met

No boredom

Sex

Group sex?

Children? 4?

Cons

Jealousy

Living situations 

Outside judgment

Parents 

Keeping the friendship intact

Splitting your time

Group sex

Children

Heartbreak

The list was nothing if not precise and a little funny. You definitely had some questions but it didn’t upset you. Santiago was rational, logical and very analytical. It’s hard to snap out of something that was your job for the better part of your adult life. 

He couldn’t open his heart up without thinking of every possible scenario. That’s what attracted you to them in the first place. They were all so different and you could practically see the wheels turning in his brain. 

You’ve already been partners for years essentially without the sexual aspect. It took a lot of trust to put your life in someone’s hands and you all have done that a hundred times over. The hard part for him it seemed was what came next. 

Everything on both lists makes complete sense. You noticed he crossed out parents since most of you either didn’t have much of a relationship with them or you didn’t care what they thought of your lives. 

“How much of that have you read?” His sleepy voice in your ear startles you. 

“Jesus Christ Santiago.” You roll over to face him as he peers at you through his thick curly lashes. It’s criminal for anyone to look this good first thing in the morning. 

“It seems you’re a thief and nosy.” He kisses your nose as he rolls on top of you, caging you in with his arms.

“I just have a few questions.” You try to focus on his face and not the way his naked body feels on top of you. 

“I’m sure it’s about group sex and children.” You raise your eyebrows at him waiting for him to continue.

“I figured I was jumping the gun on both topics so I took it off the cons list.” 

“We don’t have to figure all of it out on day one.” 

You can see him contemplating and weighing your words. Always thinking. 

“Listen…if you don’t hear from me over the next few weeks,please don’t be upset.” You stare at him confused as a knot begins to form in your stomach. 

“It’s not because I regret any of this cariño, I just need to take care of some things.” He attempts a distraction as he kisses your neck. You love and hate the way your body so easily responds to him as you feel the wetness between your legs. 

You tug on his hair as he growls into your ear. “Why do you always have to be so vague when you don’t want me to know something?”

“Just trust me please…it’s for your protection.” You can tell in his eyes he is being sincere. 

“Well speaking of protection, I'm on birth control. We kind of skipped passed that last night.”

“I wasn’t really worried about it miel.” Your eyes go wide at the revelation. This honest side of Santiago would take some getting used to. 

“I guess I’m not surprised based on the 4 children on the pros list.” He groans again as he drops his head to your shoulder.

“Please don’t mention that to anyone.”

“Not a chance, Daddy Santi.” His body betrays him as you feel his bulge pressed against you growing harder. 

He instinctively grinds his hips into yours eliciting a soft moan from your lips. You wrap your legs around his waist as he kisses you slow and deep, his hard cock dragging through your dripping folds.The memory of the previous night sparking something between you. 

“You know…we could always pretend we’re trying.” You want to roll your eyes at how alike they all are the great pretenders.

You don’t mind spending the rest of the morning pretending until you have to pry yourselves from the bed.

After breakfast he takes you home with promises of what the future holds. You decided to borrow the list, keeping it tucked away for safekeeping. 

****

Your phone buzzes on your bathroom countertop as you step out of the shower. 

DF4L

Santiago: We need to talk about honey.

You just dropped me off?

Francisco:Everything ok?

Santiago:Sorry wrong chat.

You have a group chat without me?

Benjamin:Pope had a rash one time he didn’t want to send the picture to you😜.

What’s the name of the group chat?

Santiago: callate pendejo. 

Benjamin:No one tell her 🤫

William: You know Ben can’t speak Spanish. 

Francisco:He just dropped you off? It’s 1pm

I’m literally a nurse. You should send me rash photos. 

Santiago:Fuck you Ben I never had a rash. Don’t worry cariño just wanted to go over details for your birthday😘

Benjamin:Holy man just sent a kiss emoji 😂

Ok don’t plan anything crazy love you

That was meant for all not anyone in particular 

—— 

Santiago fumbles with his phone cursing under his breath. He was obviously distracted and he shouldn’t be texting and driving but he had to handle this now. 

Golden Girls

We seriously need to talk 

The kid 🥊:I knew you were the weak link

What?

Will:Congratulations 

I don’t know what you’re talking about

🐈🐠: slow clap for the man who got laid last night.

The kid 🥊: and probably this morning 😂

I’ll be at your house in 5

Will: What are we talking about?

Mike

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[howlsofbloodhounds]

Ok based on your most recent post (I am obsessed I love it sm-). I honestly think that once Delta wakes up to see them with him again he'd probably freak out a little bit, and have no idea if this is reality or another nightmare. But once he is able to figure it out, they might be upset and ask Color and Epic questions about the subjects of their nightmares (ex; about the jar one, he might ask why they couldn't hear them and why didn't they bother to look in the jars) and might completely get confused with reality.

I also think that because they had dissociated for so long (probably spanning days or weeks before they came back to reality), he would have gone completely nonverbal and would have switched to sign language (the silence also most likely made them incredibly paranoid - too paranoid to break it by speaking. So, in order to keep the quiet, they silenced themselves and haven't spoken in a good long while), furthering their dissociation and PTSD spiral.

Now of course this would concern Epic and Color, and they'd likely have to explain that the nightmares weren't reality, but would also have to try to get him to explain what the hell had happened during the time they were both gone, and why he hadn't called them for help once they're able to talk in the morning.

(But since you mentioned how they'd probably help Delta fall asleep, I can't help but wonder how they'd react if Delta woke up from a bad nightmare about them, and how the talk in the morning would go?)

I love this addition, it makes complete sense. And now that we’re on the topic about this type of thing, I actually feel like it’d be easier for Color and Epic to understand these things more than it seems.

For Color, it’s due to his relationship with Killer. We all know Killer is a dissociative character who cannot often tell what is and is not real anymore, he spends most of his time dissociating—as opposed to Delta and Beta’s episodes of intense dissociative episodes due to events in their lives.

I’m sure that Color has had to help Killer differentiate between dream, memory, and reality many times before, even if it’s as something as simple as having to lightly touch Killer’s shoulder when walking past—otherwise Killer would probably just assume he’s dreaming or it isn’t real.

On the other hand, if I remember correctly, Epic has very vivid and distressing nightmares where he has to constantly fight against creatures/a creature every night due to his magical eye thing. And as a result he learns actual fighting experience from this, but he also often wakes up in pain and panicking. His nightmares are legitimately traumatizing for him.

So I’m assuming Epic would avoid sleep as much as possible, especially in a case such as this, where a beloved friend needs sleep and can’t afford being woken up by his nightmares.

So I’m assuming that once Delta first wakes up in the middle of the night, Epic would actually already be up. He probably was surprised and taken aback by Delta’s panicking, but is quick to try and calm the two of them down.

And when Delta starts using ASL, looking unnerved at any noise made, is when Epic realizes that it was worse than he and Color had thought. And maybe he considers waking Color up, because Color has always been better with words and calming people down between the three of them, but Delta frantically shakes his head ‘no.’

Epic doesn’t argue against this, although he knows Delta is likely doing this because he doesn’t want to worry Color and be perceived as ‘weak,’ doesn’t want to disturb Color’s rest. So instead Epic, Delta, and Beta wander off into the kitchen for some late night milk and cookies.

Epic asks if they’re ready to talk about it, to which they shake their head no. Epic again doesn’t argue, instead settles on to the couch with them to watch some random tv series. He pretends not to notice how Delta keeps staring at him instead of the show, squeezing Epic’s arm tightly.

By the time morning comes around and Color is waking up, Delta and Beta have still not spoken verbally and haven’t slept. Neither has Epic—which only inevitably concerns Color even more, which only increases when Delta suddenly starts rapidly singing at him once spotted.

Color asks him to slow down as he approaches, he didn’t catch that, Epic turning down the volume on the show and turning to face the others more directly. Once Color is seated, he asks Delta to repeat what he said, more slowly this time.

Why didn’t you two hear us? Why didn’t you open it? Why didn’t you look? Why did you leave? We were screaming.

And Epic and Color share a look, confused, before Color begins prompting them to explain with more questions. Look where? Open what? Leave where?

Gradually, they begin to piece together what happened—often Delta and Beta have to pause when they start dissociating again or get too choked up, Color asks Epic to get them a glass of water at some point, but stops when they start panicking again at the question (don’t leave)—and the whole time Delta’s hands are gripping on to his friends so tightly it almost hurts.

I can see them letting Delta and Beta cry it out and calm down enough before Color starts to explain, helps them piece together what was dream and what was memory, versus what actually happened.

I can see Epic trying to make them laugh using his usual humor and memes, because he can see that their paranoia about the silence is making them cautious to speak and furthering their dissociation. Which of course makes it harder for them to fully process what was happening and what is happening.

I think, once they realized what was happening, Delta and Beta might actually feel ashamed, guilty, and/or embarrassed about how they reacted to something that “didn’t even happen.” Delta probably feels guilty, assuming it means that some part of him thinks of Epic and Color as the type of people who’d do that to them.

To which they’d have to reassure him that, no, it was out of his control and doesn’t make him a bad friend or a bad person for having nightmares and feeling abandoned.

I can also see, if either Delta or Beta realizes what happened before the other did, they will attempt to help comfort and ground the other too; such as Beta petting the body’s hand, or hugging themselves due to not being able to physically hug each other. Talking out loud to soothe each other, reminding the other that not only does Epic and Color still love them, but they love each other, too.

[ressu-rection]

Astral, astral, astral

Yes! This is a fantastic way to connect with spouses, ancestors, deities and other spirits but some of us have ptsd, have a really difficult time with dreaming in general, or have adhd and can’t remember to write down the fact that we had a dream about finding an extra vape pod or all the other pieces of dream we had so…

Here’s all the decks I use in my day to day to more effectively communicate with my spouse and my family

This is also helps give verification to intuition as well, I’ve been tapped into those I communicate with, claircognizantly, since I was a toddler but my brain can get in the way and (often) be wrong, so the cards and asking the spirits outright has checked me numerous times and has helped fill in the blanks that my 3rd eye can’t. This is also great for those of us with impulsive thoughts that are easily confused with clairvoyance and for low spoon days where our frontal lobe is barely hanging on.

1) My yes or no tarot deck marked with answers from Sibyl. Why Sibyl? They are a fantastic resource for tarot info in general and their answers are more expansive. “No opinion, probably no, probably yes, cautious yes, cautious no, enthusiastic yes, profound no” etc. Not sponsored, just a fan lol

2) Regular tarot deck but with descriptions for easy access to meanings, elements and astrological associations

3) Feelings deck and Needs deck. These decks are helpful when they are clearly distressed but I can’t figure out what exactly it is that’s bothering them so when I pull a need/feeling, I know how to better help and/or give me more context to figure it out (they also have a version with descriptions if you have trouble with the definitions of emotions (I’ve had to look up the meaning of “contempt” numerous times lol))

4) Meme deck. I personally just use the picture cards tho. I use this for both “looking around the room” to see what’s happening with each of them or just to give me a loose idea of how they are reacting to what I’m saying. Also good for lightening a mood lol

5) “What’s the tea?” deck. This deck is fantastic for clarifiers! This deck can also tell my autistic ass when my husband is just pulling my leg which is more handy than you will ever know lol

You don’t need to rely on your intuition to fill out all the blanks, you don’t need to be a super psychic in order to have decently smooth communication with spirits, it’s okay and valid to have tools.

Etsy

[haileylnmt]

The Outsiders Death Headcanons + Shepards & Others

—————

As I said in my other post, this is my other version of the outsiders deaths including the Shepards, Angela, Evie, and maybe other if I can think of them

—————

Ponyboy Michael Curtis-52yrs

While the trauma of his two friends’ deaths always lingered in his subconscious he persevered moved away from Tulsa to start a family of his own and pursue the career of his dreams. However, that didn’t mean his smoking habits had stopped. He ended up passing too soon due to lung cancer.

Sodapop Patrick Curtis-21yrs

Got drafted to Vietnam for a couple years and actually returned home. He was never them same afterwards with PTSD always preventing him from living normally. He lived with Darry in the last few years of his life before getting into the medicine cabinet with a bottle of whiskey one afternoon when Darry was gone.

Darrel “Darry” Shayne Curtis-59yrs

Darry always went above and beyond for his friends, family and job. He did the absolute most and always over exerted himself. During a hot summer afternoon he had a stroke while insisting on finishing one final job

John “Johnny” Andrew Cade-16yrs

While saving the lives of children in a burning church fire, he sustained life threatening injuries. He later died in the hospital not regretting any of his choices- even if he wished to live a little longer.

Dallas “Dally” Tucker Winston-17yrs

The overall grief that struck him after losing the only person he truly loved was too much to bear. He pointed an unloaded gun at the police to entice them to fire at him. He died as a result of the shots he sustained.

Steve Jacob Randle-34yrs

He was finally able to escape his reputation as a greaser and was able to find himself in a position he found himself happy with. He became a mechanic for the United States Navy. His life was taken too soon during a freak accident.

Keith “Two-Bit” David Matthews-52yrs

He left Tulsa as a means to better himself. He began a family lived as happily as he could. Never truly giving up his taste for alcohol, kidney failure ending up taking his life.

Tim Shepard-22yrs

Never living down his title as a greaser or a gang leader, he always found himself in less than legal situations. Caught in the crossfire he sustained a bullet wound that ended up getting infected and took his life.

Carlos “Curly” Shepard-19yrs

Like his older brother, he never lived down his reputation. He developed a taste for drugs. A bad dealing caused a series of events that led to unsanitary handling of needles. That mistake cost his life

Angela Shepard-39yrs

Turning away from the greaser life, she found herself leaving her whole life in Tulsa behind- including her brothers. She moved up north, never settling down until one night when unexpected heart failure took her in her sleep.

OR——

73yrs

After leaving behind all she once knew, she started fresh and began a new life for herself outside of who she used to be. Old age took her peacefully in her sleep

Syliva-21yrs

She developed a love for alcohol and drugs after tragically losing her boyfriend. She ended up dying of a coke overdose alone in her room.

OR——

32yrs

After attempting to turn her life around, she married a man who she had hardly known. They got in a car accident which took her life.

Evie-54yrs

She stayed with Steve until his early demise. Despite the pain and grief she felt, she pushed on. A heart attack took her life.

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Are these any better(probably not) anyways I’m not really able to see these guys living a long healthy life considering what they did when they were young