#This house wont ever be the same
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No amount of distractions can save me from the horrors I've witnessed in the last two days.
#She haunts me#This house wont ever be the same#i cant feel her presence anymore but her image is burned into my eyes#personal#cat talks
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the fact that chameron canonically fucked DURING A PATIENT PROCEDURE and when chase said āhey maybe we should. go out together in a normal way and stop having wild unrestrained sex all over the hospitalā cameron essentially said āsorry i cant negotiate on that. its wild hospital sex or nothing. also itās kind of cringe that u want to go out with me. not my fault we had awesome sex and u got emotionally attached. skill issue tbh.ā
#allison cameron i am in love with you#i love how repressed she is. this is how wilson would behave if he and house ever had sex btw#cameron and wilson should make out about this but theyre too repressed to emotionallh connect so they wont#enamoured by the chameron dynamic rn. what if you narratively paralleled ur bossās weird psychosexual situationship#but u ended up divorced and miserable snd trapped in the same cycle and ur bossās rode off into the sunset to commit gay suicide#house md#chameron#allison cameron#robert chase
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does anyone know where i can buy these amiibo cards
#rwby#strq#summer rose#qrow branwen#taiyang xiao long#raven branwen#it is wednesday or as i like to call it. woowoo summer saturday!!!#ive had these for a while and just remembered to update summer's outfit lol#summer's bday is the 'are you stupid' incedent but it worked so well with what i already had in mind for her i just kept it.#i gave up with tai's birthday he should probably be a leo. idc#summer and her three stooges (water signs)#anyways we haveeee#uchi summer. lazy tai. cranky twins or one of them can be smug idk#summer with the best decorated house. also cuts down all your trees <3 no one minds#tai very friendly beach comber loves to show you his sand dollars and all his rows of flowers that summer helps him with :((((#raven that wont ever move out of a tent unless summer is on the same island so she can yell at her for it (the tent is ugly)#btw wolves and ravens irl have a hunting relationship..you could say they are..partners..blinks really loudly#okay i goinggg i going
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u know how the inside of juris curls look like roses. and they get tighter when she starts Hiding more of herself. And how thatās connected with her idealization of shiori. And Also Probably the sentiment that Her love is unrequited and shiori is straight. and thatās part of the way she puts shiori on a pedestal. So if she believes more and more that it is a one sided love that can never prosperā¦. and Her hair is orange and her curls are rosesā¦..
the more she believes, the more she looks like a rose herselfā¦ i love juri because she is shown to be the one most grounded in reality but when it comes to things that deeply affects her emotions shes just blatantly lying to herself. thatās so me.
#im vomiting word dump#im also projecting#kibitalk#juri arisugawa#the way shiori does the same thing#do you think shiori ever saw juri trip and then just erased it from her memory#so she could continue to idealize her so she could direct all of her anger towards that#ummm sorry word DUMP!#GUYS HELP THE YURI IS OUTSIDE MY HOUSE AND IT WONT LEAV3
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My favourite thing from the "Cersei used to swap places with Jaime so she could have sword fighting and politics lessons" is that it implies that Jaime wore a dress and went to Cersei's embroidery and sewing lessons. I have yet to see anyone address this beyond a vague 'yea, Jaime pretended to be Cersei with a dress'. guys. guys. Jaime probably had to attend multiple lessons with a septa and learn how to make pretty stitches. Fuck all your 'Cersei is a great lord and mother but a bad queen' rants, I want to hear your 'Jaime is a good lady and knight but a bad lord' rants. Give me detailed analysis of what lady lessons Jaime would be best in. I bet that it's dancing and one time with Brienne he got distracted and started doing all the lady's moves by instinct and everyone watching just blue-screened because he is way better and more practised at the feminine moves than the masculine ones.
#I bet he never went to a single politics lesson if cersei had dancing at the same time#cersei loved politics but she was best at his etiquette lessons#yes the septa was half convinced she was going senile when their ability levels switched suddenly midday#Genna was the only one to ever find out but she wont snitch because jaime and cersei did their etiquette way better swapped#and saved them from a slight sociopolitical disaster#jaime lannister#queen cersei#cersei lannister#kingslayer#ser jaime lannister#ser brienne of tarth#jaime x brienne#brienne of tarth#house lannister#asoiaf#game of thrones#got#a song of ice and fire#I think Jaime's motifs and themes are very gender
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Must be rough losing them so young huh?
shadowbelly looking at lil memorial graves of his parents ft itty bitty roachkit unaware of sad things
#shadowbelly#roachshade#lakeclan#warrior cats#warriors oc#hidden lore#i found out today that the man who basically was a second father to me passed away and i guess this mindless doodle was a way for me to cop#some pond lore for you: my dad was an addict when i was growing up and he didnt always know how to properly deal with that#and also be a parent at the same time when i was visiting him + he was in an abusive marriage#so when things were just really bad he would take me to the house of my 'aunt' and 'uncle' who very much helped raise me and take care of m#i have very fond memories of them#and my 'uncle' actually made sure he got a motorcycle so i could ride with him specifically at my dads own memorial ride#he had since stopped riding bikes but it was important to him that HE be the one i ride with because ive ALWAYS been like his fourth kid#he also is the only adult on my dads side that i came out as nonbinary to#i didnt even have to come out he just asked if i was trans/nonbinary and i said yeah and he just said cool ill always love you#idk they think his death was sudden like a heart attack or something but we wont know till after today#my 'aunt' is letting me keep some of his ashes in a necklace so i can have one for both my dad and my ādadā#ill be okay but it just feels really strange right now#we didnt see each other much after i grew up but he made sure i knew that if i ever needed anything i only had to ask#doesnt seem fair to lose two dads in less than three years but i guess it is what it is
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Applying to an apartment with little income and terrible credit score, in hopes that they'll be desperate enough to take me
#im not even getting my hopes up for this one folks#but this same company rook me when i had no rental history so maybe?#unlikely for the aforementioned piss poor income and credit score#im just praying they remember me feom when i used to rent from them and liked me enough then to take me again#the bathroom is not in the apartment btw#that's the wildest thing. like its a basic studio with a kitchen closet and main area#but you have to go across the hall. to the private bathroom#im hoping they realize that thats wild and give me the apartment#i neeeeed to leave my parents house. and i really miss that city the apartment is in#i wish there was a little essay section where i could tell the landlord how much i like the city#and that ill get a better job once i live there and my parents are going to pay my first month and security deposit#that would be nice#i applied knowing that i won't get it but also knowing that i cant get it if i dont try#mostly i just miss that city#there was a really nice coffee shop within walking distance of my apartment#(the apartment i applied to is next door to the building i used to live in so same area which is great)#but i didnt have wifi so i would go there a lot to do work. it was so cozy in the winter especially#and i went on a lot of walks. so i wiuld swing by there and grab a drink to sip on my walk#and it was literally within sight of a great lake. a literal great lakw of Michigan lol#i loved walking along the lake on a nice day. or a windy day and just watch the waves crash#and my favorite band is feom that city so i got to see so many of their performances. and theyre a small band so the most i ever paid#was $50 and that was for the vip package. i saw them for $10 once. and free once. and $50 for the vip#its a big art and music city and i love it so much. i miss it so fucking much and i regret leaving#but at least it made me realize that no other city is for me. that city is my home#oh and it was literally right next to a bug beautiful library that i loved to wander. i still have my library card from there#mostly used it to print stuff and you have to pay at the box next to the printer. and one time i forgot to pay. i still feel bad about that#but i dont want to reminisce too much cuz i know i wont get it#im trying to pay off my credit cards to bring up my credit score but its slow going#its much nearer my gf and all my friends so i would love to live near them. rn im hours away from about everyone i love#i ran out of tags. maybe pray for me if you pray? or just hope for me. i dont want to let myself want this but its there
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genuine question how do u get over ur fear of existing
#i havenāt been able to rly let myself enjoy my new job without stressing about whether itās enough#and i know it is because other people work here with the same paycheck and live alone and happy#but i cant let myself believe that like. iāll ever be okay on my own#i think ive been rly conditioned to think iāll fail no matter what even though i know i wont#like iām fucking smart im competent i have proved it i can live on my own i AM independent#but literally this house is a jail cell it gets to a point where i donāt even notice the days go by#i have never felt like a real person until i moved out for those few months and that was so scary#like. how do i get over that fear of screwing my life over and just fucking go out and live#dl
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trying to act normal over the fact that we're moving house next week. and failing
#god i just need to fall apart NOW#im barely hanging on fr#we dismantled the sofa today and are now sitting on our old chairs in the living room#and i almost died actually#thinking about how i had no idea that last night would be THE last night i ever ate my dinner on that sofa in this house#or about how last night was the last night I would ever sit with my boyfriend on that sofa in this house#or or or or or#there are so many things that are about to be the last time i ever do them in this house#and i hate that i cant properly know when they will be#what if i never walk my dogs in this park again#what if i never wash my hair upstairs ever again#what if i never cook another meal in this kitchen#WHY CAN WE NOT KNOW WHEN WE ARE DOING THINGS FOR THE FINAL TIME#i hate this#it's literally never going to be over and i mean that#after we move#we have to clean and organise and unpack/buy things for my dads house#which will take months especially to buy furniture and decorate bec he wont have enough money for extra things#and then my mum will be moving into her new house#probably December but honestly could be after Christmas. who knows#and then the same again#at least her house is newer and has been lived in#dads hasnt been lived in for years and is dirty and unused#FUCK#i need a break#and i just know i wont be able to visit my boyfriends house for WEEKS#i just want to get through this move but god. it will never be over#em talks#tag talk
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#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
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my brother sent me a bathroom selfie of him in a pink polo like šš and said āim kenning right nowā yesterday to tell me he was going to see barbie and he just told me he bought the i am kenough hoodie he is so sily
#i miss him so bad its fucked up that we wont ever be little kids living in the same house playing all day again . anyways š„¹#kora.txt
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Ok, for the ask thing, hope this isnāt too much, 24, 11, 13. If you feel like answering, thanks! You have fun posts/thoughts about SP
24 and 13 are answered :)
11. Is there a popular character you like that the fandom doesn't? Why?
I know that the younger (more active) fans dislike Cartman, and tend to exclude him in works. But idk if that alone makes him unpopular? He's definitely the most controversial. Against my better judgement, I do indeed, like Cartman.
He's not a character you're supposed to love. He reflects the biases and the bigotry we're all capable of, and like most sociopaths in media, he's extravagant, loves to entertain, and is charming. His saving grace is that he's only a little boy, an animated one at that, and that degree of separation to his many many crimes makes it easy for us to laugh at him. That's another thing about Cartman-- he's genuinely funny. Trey Parker puts his all into even the most offensive jokes and he finds a way to tailor them to a character's personality. I can't believe it, but I love singing "too many minorities" and "safe space" to myself while working... it's so catchy.
I used to despise Cartman and found him one note (this was watching bits of season 4 and 6. I was bareelly getting into sp. It wasn't until I saw scott tenorman that I sat down to reevaluate him) but after seeing the episodes dedicated to highlighting just how messed up he is under the surface, what drove him to act the way he does, and the few snippets we see that he's truly capable of change (and it's shocking that according to trey, it doesn't take a lot to turn Cartman around.)
He fascinates me. There hasn't been a villain/ main character quite like him before or since.
#asks#south park#eric cartman#cartman#and he's a deeply complex character too so when I talk about him I feel like I haven't said all there is to say#I could talk about how episodes like Gay Fish show there's a specific line of logic he follows#I could talk about 1% where he can't let himself feel ashamed and let go of his stuffed animals#he has to make himself suffer a story of murder and betrayal orchestrated by his vengeful doll#he has to make it entertaining. a Whole Thing#same with 'losing' liane. he can't whine and beg her to stay. he has to drive up the housing market to insane degrees until they're both#put in danger#he doesn't feel sad that he doesn't have a dad. he pretends to be sick on father's day and makes his dolls say he's awesome and kewl#I could talk about the SA trauma he went thru and how it forms his view on sex and this is told to us thru a funny back n forth by kyman#in tfbw#there's just. WAY too much to talk about with this character#and he's so unpredictable. I have no idea where his character is going next season (two months babyyyyyy)#and it's interesting for a character who acts shameless there's... a LOT of shame boiling inside. Shame that he isn't even aware of#that i'm not sure if he'll ever LET himself be aware of#shame is such an important part of his ch is why I feel he's a 3 but i wont get into ennea (yet) ghjfkdh
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having ttw Thoughts while reading house of leaves but it's nothing that's lead to a breakthrough yet so i'm just like soaking in the vibes
#ttw's been in limbo for the past few months. as it is wont to do really#there's a lot of nebulous connective tissue that's currently the middle of the story and it needs more direction but nothing has really bee#particularly exciting for my brain to gnaw on#also honeybee's been my brain's Focus for the past few months so it's not like i'm twiddling my thumbs with nothing to write#but yeah house of leaves and ttw it's like. okay the House super parallels what i want of the undertow as this like. nebulous structure#that's kind of alive on its own and doesn't adhere to any actual expectations of space#(the undertow is like. the semi-literal bowels of the city of sanguine)#and i knew that going in to the story that it was going to be similar so that's somethign that's sparking some things#but also the main character. one of the mains idk how to even articulate that. main narrator i think.#anyways he reminds me of leon as someone who doesn't have much going for him being super fucking susceptible prey of sorts for this...nebul#ous entitiy#not to mention my thoughts on the city of sanguine as like how a city is given life by its denizens. and that interpretation of the city-#affects how the undertow manifests for different people#and how it (sanguine) wants people to stay but will happily let you go if it knows you'll come right back to it#but if you want to Leave it'll happily trap you in endless corridors for ever and ever#and serena being the only one of the main cast who was born and raised in the city and therefore has such a deep connection to it before#yknow. realizing it's Alive in a way#vs the rest of the cast who have all moved to the city and don't see sanguine the same#vs leon too who has absolutely adopted this city as their home and what that means#oh that is a Tag Ramble hello#rambles#thicker than water
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I used to have a really giant family like tons of tias and tios and cousins and i say used to cause like it seems like after my grandparents died on both sides both families seemed to never speak again and i had no chance to even try and keep hold of those ties i was in elementary school watching my parents marriage crash and burn in real time dealing with major death in the family and then subsequent family abandoning me at the tender age of 11. Hell my brothers were older and jumped ship it was just me and the horrors
#my moms dad and my dads mom were like the heads of their families and they both died really close to each other#but my grandma and a tio on my moms side died within 3 days of each other after being in hospice literally 3 doors away from each other#for months and my parents both took the roles of like taking care of everything and being the descision makers cause no one else would#which im sure was super traumatizing in everyway possible but their siblings both seemed to resent them in ways#when they didnt want to be those people but had to be and they arent even the oldest siblings they are both like 3rd youngest#but like it just ruined the families and me and mom and my dad were all at the hospital or hospice center for months#we were there every day and night i remember it so much i can get anywhere in any hospital in my town using the stairwells#like i knew them that well#it also likely ruined my parents marriage which was bumpy before the intense major tragedy#which like yaknow what fair it was a lot to deal with ontop of like trying to crawl ur way out of the recession#but after all was said and done i talk to no one on my dads side i bearly talk to my older brother#and i talk to like my nina and two tias on my moms side and occassionally a few cousins#when theyre arent being fucking insane and unhinged#idk i loved having a huge family the like going to 5 houses on christmas type#going to birthdays or weddings and seeing everyone taking at least 45 mins to say bye to everyone#and now its gone and i wont ever get it back#and its by no fault of my own cause i was literally 11 and every adult decided i was gonna pay the price too#like i think abt when i get married its not gonna be what i thought itd be or when i get my first movie in theatres#im not gonna have the major family celebration ill have all my friends which im so greafull for#but its not the same yaknow#and id love to have that relatiomship with my family again but like where do u start when its been over 10+ years#like they remember 11 year old me if they remember me#and thats part of the problem#like on my moms side specifically i have some family who acts like theyve never met me before when i used to see them every weekend#and it was a major failing on my part as an 11 year old for not keeping in touch even tho we did my mom calls everyone and she tried#but people didnt want to return it#and as for my dads side its the same and if it was a moral failing for me as an 11 yr old to not reach out and they didnt like my mom much#my grandma fucking loved her but the rest of the family didnt and like i lived w my mom and was fucking 11 i couldnt go anhwhere by myself#and i didnt like not being places without a parent and i hated sleepovers i refused and they took it so personal#and they stopped talking to my dad and bad mouthed him and still do nd ill never allow that around me my dad isnt perfect but hes a good man
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love my right-hand rgg men deranged. a little blood splattered even.
#snap chats#this post is about yoshitaka mine and jo sawashiro do NOT reblg and put anyone else in the tag or im egging your house#one of you rebellious bitches are gonna do that cause i said it now... unless we keep playin uno and we go#'oh but now that you said that i wont touch this post' OK WELL GOOD IM RAMBLING IN HERE !!!!! GET OUT !!!!!#dont get out. stay if you want. its dark down here i have two (2) candles burning this time and i feel like im summoning the devil#yeah i am summoning the devil the motherfucker that lives in my mind#im never getting to the point of this post. btw. im stringing all of you along. im cold. literally and figuratively.#mine never even got to be blood splattered..... hate this franchise..... unless we talkin ishin but ishin was a blood bath it dont count#anyway sorry (<- not) someone reminded me of majima being fake crazy about kandas head in the box#call that a dick in a box GOTTEM. fuck kanda all my homies hate kanda#and yeah...... sat here and started thinking and giggling and kicking my feet š„°#sorry i mention the eye scene once a month but no other scene compares to it for me. it has everything i could ever want#š³ļøāšāā behavior and raw gore and nothings more brutal then personally taking your thumb and sticking it in someones eye#always reminds me of that slipknot song.. Duality... and not the song called Eyeless.... hate this band....#like please its my crack its my meth its my drug of choice#knife scene good too for similar reasons....... but i do like the eye scene just .2% more... sorry... i like how gorier it is...#knife scene still raw as hell tho like UGH sorry love them. i love jo and mine cause they Seem calm for like .2 seconds and then theyre ill#their demeanors are so funny to me tho like mine's like Thoroughly professional near all the time but jo is just Slightly more vulgar#like jo more typically says crass/aggressive things while mine Genuinely most of the time is just š§āāļø#very funny... love them all the same... <- said he was gonna draw but hasnt drawn shit#I SAW THE FIRST EPISODE OF KYOUEN (jdrama starring nakai) AND NOOO IT LOOKS SO SPICY I WANNA WATCH THE REST#but i made a promise..... so i'll save that binge session for the morn i suppose....#anyway dont look at me im giggling and twirling my hair at the thought of my Real Crazy bitches#i love them <- cant say this enough my heart will literally explode if i try to#stream chat got me thinkin a jo.... oopsie..... i refuse to say anything heinous Respect Your Elders etc etc#ok bye. im normal <- is going to go watch the eye scene again
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have officially hit the point where i kinda wish people i would like to call friends drifting away for the millionth time in a row actually WAS personal so that then i wouldnt feel so fucking stupid for getting so upset about it every time
#dont read this its just for me#shoutout to every single one of my goddamn roommates not telling me they weren't planning on living on campus next semester til just now ā#housing applications start next week . thanks guys#it'll be the same drill as every other friend i have had forever i can already tell#we wont have school keeping us seeing each other every day but say we'll hang out when we have time and then never speak again š#maybe thats too pessimistic but its always the fucking same. as in there is not one person i have called a friend that hasnt done that š#it already happened over winter break anyway#but of course this time its right when im finally opening up about the shit i genuinely enjoy for the first time in my life#actually beyond the most surface level āyeah i write fanfiction and draw undertale fanartā bs and keep everything else to myself#because for the first time ever it feels like someone actually halfway gives a fuck#and im just supposed to be normal about this information now. alright!#i'll just go back to writing my essay about how isolating my home growing up was. thats fine#i can get new roommates i can make new friends but im so sick of restarting. i dont want to fucking do this anymore
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