#There should have been more about their relationship in the story because I need it so badly
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Our September & October recs â€ïž
make lemonade by @smc-27 (book-verse)
@dot524: This author consistently posts stellar works but I often finish wanting more of that world. This one is nice and long â yay! I loved this meet-cute where Alexâs daughter Claudia has a lemonade stand and Henry is one of their favorite customers. This was a bit of an exploration of divorced dad (single dad) Alex. His mixed feelings about coparenting and starting a new relationship were nicely developed. Such a great warm fuzzy fic, with a nice bit of angst and character development mixed in to make things interesting. And I loved the kid character, Claudia!
falling in love (in the cruelest way) by @coffeecatsme (book-verse)
@suseagull04: This road trip AU is so fun, partly because of how soft our favorite boys are, but also just because of Alex's bright personality throughout the whole thing, and the faith and hope that's a critical part of the book!
we should get married by @smc-27 (book-verse)
@suseagull04: I had heard people talking about this green card marriage AU for months, and the hype was definitely warranted (as with all of this author's writing)! Little details from the book used in a new way, instant attraction, both of them being exactly what the other needs, exploration of other relationship dynamics within the book... this fic has so much depth in its 4 chapters, and it's fantastic!
Cleansing Downpour by @sprigsofviolets (book-verse)
@na-dineee: It often seems like things between June and Nora were always easy, like they were just meant to be. But what if it wasn't that simple? Feeling stuck in life, June is caught between writing a book sheâs starting to hate, and navigating her growing feelings for her best friend. A beautifully written story of change, friendship and love, and figuring out who you really are.
runaway now and forever more by tonystarked (book-verse)
@na-dineee: Aged Alex and Henry, a US Senator and an English Prince, have been pining for each other for what feels like forever. Could tonight, at a glamorous charity event, finally be the night they open up to one another? This beautifully heart-wrenching and incredibly poetic fic has been stuck in my head ever since I read it!
The Candy Tax by @hgejfmw-hgejhsf (book-verse)
@suseagull04: This fic is absolutely adorable! It's the perfect nostalgia trip for anyone who went trick or treating, and it incorporates some of the pop culture references from the book in the best ways that just add to what make this fic so cute!
Heart enough by @hgejfmw-hgejhsf (book-verse)
@suseagull04: What if Henry's the one who has to travel for the apology tour and instead of celebrating New Year's, they have a Halloween party? This fic adds so many layers and soft moments to the original, but still includes the heart and references we all love!
Halloween at Kensington by @hgejfmw-hgejhsf (book-verse)
@suseagull04: This is the Arthur POV of Halloween when his kids are little I didn't know I needed until I read it- this is so adorable, and Henry and Phillip's characterization in it is perfect!
I was cold as a stone (but I found what I'm lookin' for) by @miharaikko (book-verse)
@na-dineee: Author Henry has retreated to a small, secluded cabin in the mountains, hoping it will spark some writing inspiration. That's where he meets Alex, the owner of the cabin... The mountain and campfire vibes are absolutely wonderful. It's such a fluffy and heartfelt one-shot â just as recommendable as the other fics in the Flufftober: A Red Umbrella Collection.
Red, White and Royal Switcheroo by @xthelastknownsurvivorx (book-verse)
@suseagull04: This body swap AU left me wondering how everything would have been different in the rest of the story- it's that good! It has the heart and content of the original, plus moments that are brand new- and watching the boys pretend to be each other is fantastic!
Oblivion by @milowren29 (book-verse)
@dot524: This story has been on my reading list for a while and wow, did it live up to expectations! Alex and Henry are kidnapped during their visit to the hospital, and they trauma-bond during their experience. But what will happen afterward? How will this change things between them? The action, angst, and longing in here is spot-on and the storytelling is so well-done.
Sounds of Someday by dazedandconfused (book/movie-verse)
@na-dineee: USA 1972, three weeks on a road trip on the 'road to nowhere' heading toward Texas: writer Henry and farm boy Alex. This fic is so layered and full of hurt and emotions. The ending completely knocked the wind out of me. An absolute masterpiece, please everyone, read it â it's phenomenally good in terms of language, storytelling, and capturing the spirit of the time !!
blizzards and broken boundaries by @gayhoediaz (book-verse)
@na-dineee: Age gap â I love this trope with Henry and Alex. Here, itâs a 20+ year difference: Alex is a student, Henry his professor. Alex makes the move, Henry is very amenable. The alternating POV is so cleverly done, the tags say PWP, but I definitely felt all the feelings. Absolutely delicious!
These violent delights by @lizzie-bennetdarcy (book-verse)
@suseagull04: Henry as a vampire hunter in this fic is such an intriguing concept and the backstory of it and the fic's conflict is so well done!
With magic soakin' my spine, can you read my mind? by @hgejfmw-hgejhsf (book-verse)
@suseagull04: Pining and magic and revelations abound in this fic that's written so well, it gave me chills. This fic is definitely a must-read if you want a canon divergent fic that has just a hint of magic!
to belong to a family (even beyond this world) by @read-and-write- (book-verse)
@suseagull04: The Mexican part of Alex's heritage absolutely shines through in this- and this is definitely a fic you want to read if you want DĂa de los Muertos fic and all the Arthur feels! I also love all the neurodiversity in this fic!
A Beautiful Reality by @tinyarmedtrex (book-verse)
@na-dineee: Priest!Henry is back. The second part of The Only Heaven I'll Be Sent To Is When I'm Alone With You is out!! And â surprise: Heâs not a priest anymore. But itâs not that easy to shake off those deeply rooted beliefs and Catholic guilt. Luckily, Alex is so patient and totally in love.
The Brightest Star by @aforgottennymph (book-verse)
@dot524: Single dad Alex meets childrenâs book author Henry, and they connect immediately. The obstacle in this story is Alexâs sense of duty to his daughter, Bia. Sheâs quick and creative, and sheâs brimming with opinions. Iâm a bit picky about OCâs and kids in fics, but this one was so well done. Itâs full of fun dialogue and well-realized feelings and angst. Definitely check it out!
A Love That Haunts the Land by @14carrotghoul (book-verse)
@suseagull04: Once again, this author has blended Mexican culture and RWRB in a way that's so authentic- plus there's magic! This is one you won't want to miss!
check out our past Monthly Faves here â€ïž
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đđĄđ đ©đ«đđđđĄđđ«'đŹ đđđźđ đĄđđđ« | chapter 21
dbf!joel miller x female reader
"If we died tonight, I'd die yours,"
summary: joel found you
warnings: 18+ only, Minors DNI, AU, No outbreak. (TW) mentions of substance abuse/alcohol use disorder, adult content, religion abuse, violence, blood gore, mentions of death, sexual abuse, sexual content, domestic violences, pedophilia, cannibalism, human trafficking, dad's best friend!Joel, HUGE age gap (i will not specify her exact age, but she's legal and Joel is 49), daddy issues, mentions of toxic family dynamic, Joel is widowed, Ellie is 16, angst, smut A LOT, forbidden relationship, soft and protective Joel, innocent and pure reader. your last name is Gibson. any other details will be explain throughout the story. inspired by the album Preacher's daughter by Ethel Cain and also mix with lana del rey vibes.
CHAPTER 21
masterlist!
previous | chapter 20
The cold seeped into your bones, icy and unyielding against the concrete floor, and you could feel every bruise, every cut, every ache in your body.
The pain was an unrelenting, throbbing reminder of everything youâd endured, but that wasnât the worst part. What tore at you now was the horror of seeing Emma, your best friend, taken from this world in a way you wouldnât have believed possible had you not witnessed it with your own eyes.
Her life, her laughter, her warmthâgone. Because of you.
A sob caught in your throat as the weight of it crushed you. Emma hadnât deserved this; she had a whole life stretched out before her, full of hope and love.
She had just started it, a new chapter, a new promise. And now, because sheâd tried to save you, it had ended in unimaginable horror. The images wouldnât leave you, wouldnât stop replaying in your mind.
JimâGod, he was probably gone too. Gone, because of you.
Desperation clawed at your chest, leaving you empty and hollow. You could feel yourself slipping, hope draining out of you like a slow bleed, and something bitter was taking its place.
A deep, aching question clawed at the edges of your mind, one youâd never dared ask before, but one that refused to stay silent any longer:Â
Why would God let this happen to you?
Youâd loved Him, stayed faithful, tried to be everything you were taught you should be. And yet, here you were, in the darkest pit, left to rot.Â
Why?
Tears blurred your vision, and somewhere between the sobs and the silence, you felt something break inside you.
You stopped praying, stopped hoping for anything good. The words, the comfort, the promisesâall of it felt hollow.
You were empty now, just a shell of everything you once believed.
The door creaked open, and in he cameâNegan, his footsteps echoing like the toll of a death knell. He looked at you, pity mingling with something else in his gaze, a twisted satisfaction.
A smirk tugged at his lips, and he shook his head, his voice dripping with mocking sympathy.
âAw, look at you,â he cooed.
âSee, doll, I didnât want it to come to this. But you had to go and make things difficult. If youâd just listened to meâif youâd been my good girlânone of this wouldâve happened.â
The rage bubbled up, scalding and raw. You looked at him, every ounce of hatred burning in your eyes. âWhat did you do to her?â The words barely made it past the tightness in your throat, but they were laced with venom.
You could feel it, the sickening truthâwhatever heâd done, it was something worse than you could imagine.
Negan chuckled, an unholy sound that made your skin crawl. âDonât you worry about her,â he said, a dark glint in his eye.
âI took real good care of her.â The words lingered, taunting, but before you could say anything more, he pulled a medical kit from his bag, the glint of a syringe catching your eye.
Panic shot through you, and you scrambled backward, heart pounding. âDonât⊠donât touch me!"
Neganâs eyes softened, his tone suddenly too gentle, too calm. âRelax, princess,â he murmured, reaching for your arm. âI just need you to play along for a bit.â
But you jerked back, thrashing against his grip. âDonât fucking touch me!â Your voice cracked, fueled by the horror churning in your chest, the feeling of his hand on your skin like a brand.
The gentle smile on his face vanished, replaced by a cold, dangerous stare. His grip tightened, bruising, and in one swift motion, he struck you across the face, the impact leaving stars in your vision.
âListen to me, you stupid little bitch,â he hissed, his voice low and deadly. âIâm done asking nicely. Youâre going to be a good girl and do as I say, or youâre going to wish you had.â
You barely registered the sting of the needle as he plunged it into your arm. The world began to blur, darkness creeping in from the edges, and you fought it, clawing for consciousness, desperate not to give him the satisfaction of seeing you crumble.
But the drug took hold fast, dragging you down, down, until the world was nothing but darkness.
***
The address Negan gave led Joel to an unassuming neighborhood, quiet and tucked away, where homes lined the street like silent sentries.
Everything here was normal, almost obscenely so, and the ordinariness of it all set his nerves on edge. How could something so terrible be hiding behind these closed doors?
How could neighbors go about their days, clueless to the horror lurking so close? He took a long, deep breath, steeling himself, fingers grazing over the cold metal of his pistol holstered by his side.
He wasnât a fool; he knew this was a trap. But nothingânothingâwould stop him from stepping into it if it meant the chance to see you alive again.
Before he entered, Joel slipped his phone from his pocket, sending his location to Tommy, leaving the device outside on a rock by the front gate.
He couldnât afford distractions; whatever came next would be a fight to the end.
As he made his way up the steps, he felt it in his bones, that tether connecting him to you, stretched thin but unbroken. He knew you were here, somewhere behind these walls, waiting, needing him.
His heart ached at the thought of what youâd endured. It wasnât rightânone of this was right.Â
Inside, the air was thick with rot and rust, the scent of decay seeping into Joelâs lungs as he moved through the shadowed house.
Every step felt like a descent deeper into hell, each room echoing with the silent horror Negan had constructed within these walls.
The quiet was suffocating, pressing against his senses as he advanced with tense, deliberate steps, the weight of his weapon a cold comfort against his side.
The metallic smell of blood seemed to seep through the walls, thickening the air like rot as Joel moved down the dim corridor, his gaze fixed on the heavy big metal door at the end.
Blood was smeared across its surface, a dark, cruel stain, like the mark of some unholy ritual. He forced himself to breathe through the nausea rising in his throat, steadying himself with a muttered plea.
Please, God, let her be alive.
With a rough, trembling hand, he pushed open the door, entering a space so silent and hollow it felt like stepping into a tomb. The walls were metallic and gray, shimmering faintly under the dim, flickering light.
A hulking freezer stood in the corner, and around it lay instruments of terrorâchainsaws, rusted wrenches, and knives coated in dried blood.
This was no ordinary room; it was a pit of nightmares.
He barely took three steps before his gaze froze on the horror aheadâa headless body hung from a butcherâs hook.
With a dress dangling from her shoulders, hair matted against blood-smeared fabric. For a sickening moment, his heart stopped, every nerve screaming as he tried to push down the dread that it was you.
But it wasnât.
He knew you. The shape of your body, the softness of your shoulders, the line of your arms. Relief coursed through him, but only for a split second.
Desperately, he moved toward the freezer, steeling himself for whatever horror he might find. Inside, jars lined the shelvesâheads frozen in twisted, agonized expressions.
Women. Girls to be exact. They don't look older than 20.
His stomach churned violently, but he couldnât look away. And there, in a fresh jar, he saw Emmaâs familiar face, her eyes closed forever in a peaceful, sickening slumber.
His chest tightened as the desperate, icy panic surged within him. Heâs taken them all.
As he backed away, his gaze landed on a large object draped in thick canvas, its edges sagging like a dark secret. Swallowing, he approached, slowly pulling back the cover, revealing a small dog cage, lined with soiled fabric and stained in red.
It's you.
He could barely breathe as he took in the sight, disbelief warring with hope. Inside, you lay motionless, your body crumpled and cold, pale in the dim light, bruises shadowing your face and arms.
Every inch of you looked fragile, lifeless. Joelâs heart shattered, the pain so raw it made him stagger.
"No... no," he whispered, stumbling forward. "No.â His voice cracked, shattering the silence.
He dropped to his knees, frantically reaching through the bars, hands trembling as he fumbled with the lock.
It wouldnât budge, metal biting into his hands as he yanked, pulled, and beat at it in fury until finally, with a final, desperate heave, it gave way.
He pulled your body in his arms, a wave of coldness seeping through his skin as he held you close, brushing a shaking hand against your cheek, as if he could will the warmth back into you.
âBabyâŠIâm here.â His voice was barely a whisper, as fragile as heâd ever been, a man torn open.
He pressed his ear to your chest, desperate for any sign of life, but your skin was cold, your pulse faint to nonexistent, the quiet threatening to consume him.
"I'm here now⊠open your eyes, babygirl," he whispered, voice raw and trembling, searching for any flicker, any faint sign of life.
He leaned close, brushing his thumb over your bruised skin, trying to will you back to him. "Doll⊠please⊠open your eyes. I'm here."
His own heartbeat thundered in his ears, his body trembling with the weight of the moment, and yetâsomewhere, deep in his bonesâhe felt you.
You couldnât be gone. Not you. This couldnât be happening.
Desperation clawed at him as he murmured again, âIâm here⊠please, please⊠dollâŠâ The sound of his voice, broken and laced with grief, shattered in the silence.
He clutched you tighter, pressing you to his chest, a hollow ache blooming in the very marrow of him. "Please⊠don't do this to me, babyâŠ"
"Don't do this to me..."
For the first time in years, Joel prayed.
Heâd long forgotten how to ask for mercy, how to whisper words into the void and hope something beyond him might listen.
But here, in this moment, he found himself clinging to the last, fragile remnants of belief, calling out to a God heâd long turned away from, beggingâpleadingâthat you be spared.
His lips moved in a silent prayer, the words barely more than a broken murmur, all his hope wrapped into each fractured plea. Please⊠donât take her. Donât let her go.
His world collapsed into this single, unbearable moment. Everythingâthe pain, the emptiness, the years heâd spent buried in his own griefâshrank down to this: holding you, willing you to stay.
A part of him whispered that you were gone, that heâd come too late. It sliced through him, the pain cold and merciless, tearing at him from the inside.
But he couldnât accept it. He wouldnât. He held you tighter, as if he could pull you back to life with sheer, desperate force.
"Come on, babygirl," he whispered, his voice a soft plea, thick with tears. "You promised me⊠remember? You promised."
His tears fell onto your skin, mingling with the blood that marred your face, his grief seeping into every inch of you. He bent his head, pressing his lips against your forehead, his tears hot and relentless.
Every memory, every moment with you flashed through his mind, a lifetime of love condensed into seconds. The laughter youâd shared, the softness in your eyes when youâd look at himâall of it now hung in the balance, slipping through his fingers like smoke.
Joel's grip tightened, his arms wrapped around you like he could shield you, even now, from everything dark and vile in this world. "Please, come back to me," he choked out, his voice barely more than a breath, the words pulled from the deepest part of him.Â
Come back.
His chest ached, his heart beating against a wall of sorrow so thick it was suffocating. And still, he held you, as though love alone could tether your soul back to him, could fill the silence that had swallowed you whole.
Suddenly, the silence between you shattered as you gasped awake, air flooding into your lungs in a desperate, rattling breath.
Joelâs heart jolted with such force he almost pulled back, but instead, he held you tighter, his relief an overwhelming wave crashing over him.
You thrashed weakly in his arms, vision blurred, disoriented and terrified, your voice breaking in panicked cries. "No! No! Donât touch me!"
"Hey, hey⊠itâs me. Itâs me," he murmured softly, his hands gentle on your shoulders as he tried to calm you.
His voice was thick, a rough whisper, barely holding back the tears of relief as he drew you closer, feeling the steady warmth of your breath against his chest.
"Joel?" He felt you relax, and slowly, as if afraid youâd disappear if he let go, Joel wrapped his arms tighter around you, silently thanking whatever force was left in this world for bringing you back to him.
"Thank you...Thank you God," he whispered to God, to bring you back.
Your blurred vision cleared, and as your gaze fell on his face, the tears came, spilling over in a torrent of relief, of exhaustion, of love.
You clung to him, like a child, letting out every fear, every longing, until the weight of his presence seemed to ground you, to make you feel safe again.
âI thought⊠I thought Iâd never see you again,â you whispered, your voice trembling, breaking.
He pulled you close, pressing his lips to the side of your head, his words soft and steady. "I got you. Youâre safe now⊠Iâm here now." His heart clenched as he felt you collapse against him, trusting him to carry the weight of this moment.
The horror of everything heâd witnessed, everything heâd feared, lingered on the edges of his mind, but with you here in his arms, he could finally breathe.
He then kissed you, you kissed him back.
The warmth of Joel's embrace, that kissâlong, desperate, everything unspoken between you poured into itâall of it felt like salvation, like drowning in relief only to be pulled into air and held there, safe.
Your lips pressed together in a fierce, shared need to feel every ache, every moment of fear, longing, and loveâthe kiss deepening as if it could carry every bit of pain youâd endured and let it dissolve in his arms.
For a moment, it was just the two of you against the horror, the emptiness that had swallowed you whole.
Here, with him, you are finally feel alive again.
But then, the moment split open. A shadow loomed behind him, and a chill ran down your spine, the dread slithering into your heart before you even turned.
You pulled back, eyes wide, breath catching as you saw Negan standing there, his mouth twisted in a cruel, dark smirk.
In his hands was that familiar bat, glinting under the dim light, raised with lethal intent.
"NO, JOELâ" you managed, your voice breaking as terror surged through you, but it was already too late.
The bat crashed down with a sickening, brutal force, and Joelâs body crumpled beneath the blow.
âJoel!â Your scream tore through the silence, raw and desperate. His form lay motionless, blood slowly trickling from the wound on his head, staining his face as his eyes fell shut.
The sight shattered you.
Negan grabbed you, yanking you away with unyielding strength. You kicked, you clawed, but it was no use. âNO! Donât do anything to him! Please, donât hurt him, donâtââ But your pleas fell on deaf ears.
He threw you back into the cold, unforgiving cage, the door slamming shut with a merciless clang.
"NEGAN, NO!" You pounded against the bars, fists slamming as you screamed. He only watched, amused, as though your desperation was an orchestra he enjoyed conducting.
Across the room, Negan dragged Joelâs limp body to a chair, binding his hands and legs with thick, rough ropes. He worked meticulously, each knot tight, his gaze never leaving Joel's battered face.
Blood dripped from the wound on Joelâs head, trailing slowly down his neck, and you felt a crushing helplessness as you watched him, your voice cracking as you screamed.
âJoel! Joel, please⊠wake upâŠâ
You clawed at the bars until your nails split, your hands bloody, but the steel held fast.
The reality of the moment sank into your bones like ice, each second stretching with dread. "NEGAN, PLEASE!" you begged, your voice breaking, but he only turned toward you with a mocking, cold look.
"Thatâs the last time heâll get to touch you," Negan sneered, disgust twisting in his voice as he gestured back at the spot where youâd kissed Joel, where youâd clung to him like he was your last hope. âDisgusting.â
***
Joelâs world flickered back to life in fragments, his mind swimming as he fought the waves of blackness pressing against him.
His head throbbed with a searing pain, and his vision blurred as he forced his eyes open, seeing only flashes of movement and shapes at first.
Then, bit by bit, his sight cleared, and he could see you through the haze, slumped against the bars of a cage, tears streaming down your face as you called his name, desperate and broken.
His heart twisted at the sight, fear tearing through him as he tried to reach for you, only to feel the bite of ropes cutting into his wrists and ankles.
He was bound to the chair, unable to move. Panic settled into his chest, sharp and unforgiving. âDollâŠâ he managed, his voice hoarse and shaky as he struggled against the restraints, the blood from his wound still warm, trickling down his neck.
Neganâs voice cut through the tension, sharp and cruel, like the edge of a blade scraping against bone. "Well, look whoâs finally awake,"he jeered, stepping into Joelâs view, his eyes gleaming with a sick, twisted pleasure.
Every word that left Neganâs lips felt like an assault, each syllable laced with venom.
The sight of him, standing there so casually, was enough to stir something inside Joel that was deeper than furyâit was primal, raw, a burning hatred that ignited within him.
Every muscle in his body screamed to break free, to get to you, to tear Negan apart. He pulled at the ropes, feeling them bite into his skin, but they held fast, as immovable as the horror that had unfolded.
"I'm going to kill you," Joel growled, the words thick with rage and the promise of retribution. The air around him seemed to crackle with violence, his every word a threat, his every breath heavy with hatred.
Neganâs laugh was low and cruel, a sound that made the hairs on the back of your neck rise. Without warning, he drove his fist into Joel's stomach, and the sound of itâthe sickening thudâechoed in the room, a sharp crack of pain that sent a wave of terror through you.
âNo!â you screamed, your heart pounding in your chest, your hands reaching helplessly through the bars, as if you could stop the onslaught with your mere presence.
Negan wiped the blood from his knuckles and smiled. "You think you can save her, huh? Think you can play hero, Miller?" he mocked, his voice dripping with scorn.
"Câmon, you canât be that stupid. You really think Iâd kill her? Please⊠sheâs way too much fun to kill." He sneered, another brutal punch landing on Joelâs face, snapping his head to the side with a sickening crack.
Joelâs eyes were darkened with pain, his mouth now filled with blood, but the fire in him didnât waver. "Iâm gonna fucking kill you," Joel spat, the blood dribbling from his lips, his voice hoarse with fury.
Negan tilted his head, studying Joel with a twisted grin. "Tough guy, huh?" he said, mocking the very idea of Joelâs strength. "Well, letâs see how tough you are when you canât do a damn thing about it."
Joelâs heart was thundering in his chest, the pulse of his veins matching the brutal rhythm of the punches he endured.
But his spirit didnât falter; it only burned brighter with every insult, with every blow that landed on his battered body.
Negan circled him, like a predator sizing up its prey, leaning in close, his voice thick with venom as he whispered into Joelâs ear. "What were you thinking, huh? That you could just walk in here and stop me?" He chuckled, shaking his head, his voice dripping with mocking pity.
"We were fine without you. Hell, we were thriving without you." His eyes flicked over to you in the cage, a dark glimmer in them. "She was happy, you know. Didnât need you to be in her head. But here you are, playing the white knight, trying to save the girl you donât even fucking deserve."
Negan's voice was like poison, dripping from his lips with a slow, deliberate cruelty, each word laced with venom meant to tear Joel down, to twist the knife deeper.
He knew the weight of Joel's guilt, the shadows of his past, and now, he was going to use it against him.
"You think you deserve her?" Neganâs tone was mocking, cruel, his eyes glinting with a sadistic pleasure. "You? You think you can be her hero, Miller? Youâve known her since she was a little girl, right? Since she was three? And now youâre fucking her?" His voice rose with each word, the venom thickening, as if he could make Joel choke on the very idea.
"Disgusting."
Joelâs stomach twisted, bile rising in his throat. He couldnât respondânot yet. Not when Negan was playing with fire, fanning the flames of his mind, trying to ignite a spark of doubt in his heart.
Joel remained silent, his jaw clenched so tight it hurt, his gaze burning holes into the floor beneath him.
Negan was trying to gaslight him, make him feel like the monster, make him believe the lies about his relationship with you.
Negan leaned in, his breath hot against Joel's ear, like a shadow whispering sweet poison into his soul. "You really think youâre a hero, huh?" He chuckled darkly.
"You think youâre saving her? Youâre just like them, Miller. Just like Ben. Just like that goddamn pedophile you killed. And donât tell me you didnât enjoy itâtaking matters into your own hands, playing God, playing judge, jury, and executioner. Youâre the same fucking monster they were. Youâre just too stupid to see it."
The words sent a cold shiver through Joelâs veins, like ice water splashing against his skin.
The ghosts of his past clawed at him, the blood-stained memories that had been haunting him for years now bubbling up to the surface. He had killed Ben and Jamie. Killed them to protect her.Â
"You killed them because you want her to be all yours. Not because you want to protect her,"
Joelâs jaw clenched, but his mind started to churn with the doubt Negan planted, each word a tiny crack in the wall Joel had built around himself.
He had been justifying everything, hadnât he? His actions⊠the things he did for you. It was all for you, wasnât it? To protect you.
But Negan was playing with fire, and his words were like gasolineâburning through the edges of Joelâs sanity, forcing him to look at the truth through a new, ugly lens.
âGod,â Neganâs voice dropped to a low murmur, almost conversational, âIÂ watched her for a long time. Long before you even fucking noticed her.â
He stepped closer, his breath sour, smelling of something rotten, something foul. âThe first time I met her father⊠I was going to repent. I was going to change. Hell, Naomi told me to visit Reverend Gibson, to clean up my act, to find some peace. I was gonna find salvation. All those other girlsâbored me. But then⊠I saw her."
"She was in that white sundress, innocent, pure. I thoughtâ" He let out a dark laugh, shaking his head. âI thought God wanted me to have her, Miller. Maybe she was my redemption. To have a pure, sweet, innocent soul to redeem my sins."
"But then you showed up. Like a fucking rat you have to showed up for God's sake!"
Joel felt his breath catch, like he was drowning in the weight of Neganâs words, each one pressing down on him, pushing him deeper into a pit of guilt and self-loathing.
Neganâs laughter was sickening. It clawed at Joelâs chest, and the air felt thick, choking. âYou⊠you played the fucking hero, huh? You couldnât leave well enough alone."
Negan walking circled him, "You thought you could save her from her misery just because her father disciplined her. So what, Joel? Girls need to be fucking taught!"
"I agree with her father on that one. She was a brat! and oh she still is!"
The silence was deafening after those words. They hung in the air like smoke, choking the life out of Joel, filling him with a slow, creeping dread.
His mind spun, the thought of you, so innocent, so pure, now tangled in his web. Negan was poisoning everything, every memory of you, twisting it into something ugly, something perverse.
Negan didnât stop, his words like chains tightening around Joelâs neck, dragging him deeper into the muck. "You led her to you, Joel. Donât even try to pretend you didnât."
"You acted like you could protect her. But you canât even protect yourself from your own past, can you? Youâre so goddamn broken, so messed up. And now youâre just taking advantage of her.Â
Joelâs heart pounded in his chest, a storm of guilt crashing over him like a tidal wave. Was heâhad he really led you here? Was he really just as bad as Negan said?
Neganâs voice dropped to a mocking whisper, dragging the words through Joel's mind like claws on glass. âShe was your daughterâs friend, Joel. Ellieâs friend.â He leaned in closer, his breath hot against Joelâs ear.
âDonât you feel disgusted? Youâve fucked your daughterâs friend. Thatâs how far youâve fallen.â
Joelâs head swam, the weight of the words crashing over him, drowning him in a sea of doubt and self-loathing.
His grip tightened on the ropes, his knuckles white, but there was something else nowâa spark of something dark, something cold in his chest.
"What do you think Jane would say, huh?" with the mention of his late wife, Joel's body tighten up.
"You think sheâd be proud of you, molesting Evelynâs daughter? Evelyn, Janeâs best friend. Youâre disgusting, Joel. All of this? Itâs on you."
Negan continued, his voice a low, mocking growl, pushing Joel to the edge. âYouâre no better than any of us. Look at you, Miller."
"You took advantage of her. She was just a little girl who needed someone to teach her. And you? You saw an opportunity, didnât you?â
"You are pathetic," Negan's word hit like a snake's fangs, stung through Joel's heart.
Joel clenched his fists harder, his body trembling with rage, fear, and a deep sense of self-loathing. His throat burned as he fought to keep the tears back, to keep from choking on the agony of his own thoughts. The floodgates were closing, but they were trembling, about to burst.
What has he done?
Joelâs thoughts were a maelstrom now. He couldnât focus. His mind was torn between the images of youâso sweet, so innocentâand the cruel words that Negan kept throwing at him, one after another.
But then, through the haze of doubt, through the suffocating weight of Neganâs venom, Joel heard your voice.
âNo!â You screamed, your voice breaking through the madness, a raw, desperate plea.
âJoel, donât listen to him!â The words trembled on your lips, an echo of everything you needed to say, everything you wanted Joel to hear.
"Don't listen to him!" you screamed again, your breath ragged, your throat burning from the effort. The sound of Neganâs poison lingered in the air like smoke, heavy and thick, but you couldnât let it smother the truth.
You needed him to hear you. He needed to hear you.
"Joel, look at me!" you pleaded, your hands gripping the bars of the cage so tightly your fingers turned white.
Every word Negan had said felt like a bullet to your heart, but you couldnâtâyou wouldnâtâlet Joel fall into the same trap. He was better than this.Â
He is better than them.
"Youâre not like them, Joel. You never were!" The words spilled from your mouth, raw and desperate, desperate to break through the fog that was clouding his mind.
You needed him to see the truthâthe truth that was you and him, the life you shared, the love you both fought for in the darkest corners.
"You love me. In your own way, but you love me, Joel! You saved me! You gave me a life I never thought I deserved." Your voice cracked with the weight of everything you were feeling, the deep well of emotion that surged between you both.
"Joel, I love you."
"I love you, Joel. and you love me, you are my savior, you saved me."
"Look at me! Look at me, Joel! Don't let him under your skin, please,"
Negan, on the other side of this fragile moment, stood grinning, eyes glinting with amusement, as if watching a puppet fight its strings.
He saw Joel waver, saw the flicker of doubt and fear, and he thrived on it. His smile was nothing short of wicked, enjoying the chaos he had stirred.
He had set his trap, and now he watched, savoring the confusion that was slowly chipping away at Joelâs resolve.
You could see Joel, fighting against the chaos in his own mind, the weight of Neganâs twisted words pulling at him like a chain.
His eyes flickered, lost, haunted, caught between his past and the present, between the lies and the truth. But thenâthenâhe looked at you.
For a moment, it was like time stopped. The world held its breath, and all that existed was you and him.
His gaze locked on yours, and in that instant, you saw everythingâthe raw, unspoken love, the pain, the guilt, the shame, but also the fight.
The fight to break free, the fight to protect you, the fight to keep you safe.
"Joel," you whispered, your voice soft but steady now, as if you were trying to calm the storm that raged inside him.
"You are so much better than this. Youâre not like them, Joel. Youâre not a monster. You are the best father Ellie and Sarah could ever want, Joel. They will be proud of you, she would have. The best man I have ever wanted, you're my protecter, the love of my life, you are my soul, Joel."
But as you cried out to him, Neganâs smile twisted into a sneer, his patience running thin. "Enough with your fucking mouth!" he growled, turning to you with fury, his hands reaching for the cage, yanking the door open with a violence that made you flinch.
"Shut up already."
Before you could react, Negan was on you, his hand slapping across your face with a sickening force, sending your head whipping to the side.
The sound of the slap echoed in the room, louder than your scream. The sting spread like fire across your cheek, your eyes filling with tears that blurred your vision.
For a moment, the world spunâhis presence, his cruelty, all of it was too much to bear.
With that, JoelâJoel is awake.
In that instant, the haze lifted from his eyes. The fury, the protectiveness, everything that made Joel Joel came rushing back.
His muscles strained against the ropes, his eyes flashing with an intensity that would have burned holes in the walls if he could.
He was no longer the broken man Negan had manipulated, no longer the victim of his words.
He was the man who had fought for you, the man who had saved you.
"You son of a bitch!" Joel roared, the raw anger in his voice like a clap of thunder. His body surged forward, every instinct screaming to protect you, to break free from his restraints.
"Don't you fucking touch her!" He screamed, his hands were shaking with rage, but that was the only thing that kept him groundedâthe unrelenting need to destroy the man who had dared to lay a finger on you.
The rope binding Joel's wrists strained as he twisted, trying to force the knot loose, his mind ablaze with fury. Every word Negan spoke chipped away at his restraint, his heart hammering with hatred.
The sight of you in Negan's holdâhis arm around your neck, the gleaming knife pressed to your throatâmade Joelâs blood boil.
But he knew he had to keep his wits; one wrong move, and youâd be lost.
Negan grinned, tightening his grip around your neck. His voice was dripping with mockery as he taunted, "Whatâs the matter, honey? Scared now?" He leaned closer, his sneer twisted with sadistic pleasure.
"Oh, Joel, whyâd you have to ruin everything? If it wasnât for you, she and Iâ" he paused, savoring each word, "weâd have lived happily ever after."
Joelâs hands shook as he worked against the restraints, his heart pounding. Neganâs twisted words were knives slicing into him, each one crueler than the last.
"Sheâs delicious, Joel," Negan sneered, his voice sickly sweet as he ran his tongue along his teeth. "The way she tastes... canât get enough of her." He licked his lips exaggeratedly, taunting Joel, mocking him with every vile syllable.
"You shouldâve known," Negan laughed, pressing the blade closer to your skin, just enough to draw a thin trickle of blood.
"Stop it, Negan, please," you whimpered, tears spilling from your eyes, the despair twisting in your voice.
Negan only tightened his hold, his voice low and cruel. "Whatâs the matter, honey? You were enjoying it too, right?" The words crushed you, and you turned your face away, unable to look at Joel, a sense of shame sinking into your soul.
Joel's fingers scraped against the ropes with renewed desperation, his fury almost blinding.
Neganâs voice slithered through the silence, every word laced with cruelty. "You know," he continued, "I thought of sharing her around with the others. She made me good money, after all. She knows how to entertain⊠they paid well. Maybe youâd want a turn, too, Joel. Sheâs⊠profitable." He laughed, a dark, rasping sound that reverberated in the room, tightening the coil of hatred in Joelâs chest.
"Iâm gonna kill you," Joel growled through gritted teeth, his voice a low, venomous promise.
"Ah, ah," Negan teased, pressing the blade harder against your skin, making you wince. "Iâm not finished yet."
Neganâs voice softened, a calculated cruelty in every word as he continued. "But I started thinking... she canât stay young forever. Thought maybe⊠itâd be a shame not to pass on those⊠charming qualities of hers."
"And wouldnât you know it, Joel, she was carrying a piece of me inside her. That's right, My child!"
"She didnât agree, of course⊠but a little force never hurt, right?"
Joelâs heart froze at Neganâs taunts, every word tearing open old wounds heâd buried deep.
Each sentence was a twisted knife, slashing at the walls Joel had built to keep the pain, guilt, and memories at bay. Neganâs voice was venomous, slithering around the broken dreams Joel had long since given up on.
He felt the darkness creeping backâthe part of him that, years ago, had once loved fiercely, only to lose everything in one brutal instant.
But pregnant? His mind reeled, the word pounding in his skull like a drum. The image of you, scared and vulnerable, carrying his childâhis childâpierced through the numbness in his heart.
He could barely breathe, the thought of you enduring such horror while he was oblivious igniting a fury so primal, so fierce, it nearly drowned him.
Rage tangled with a crushing sense of failure. He wanted to rip Negan apart with his bare hands, make him pay for every ounce of pain heâd inflicted.
Neganâs twisted laughter cut through his thoughts. âYeah, she wanted a family, Joel,â he sneered, lips curling in a malicious grin.
âShe had this fucking unrealistic idea, delusional bitch. You. Her. Playing house. Kids. The whole perfect life fantasy. But she knew, didnât she?â Neganâs gaze pierced Joel, mocking him with each word.
âYou were scared of it, scared of screwing it up like you did the last time. I mean, how could she not know? Youâve got âhauntedâ written all over you. Lost control, didn't you? When you killed your own family,â Negan laughed, as if savoring each jab.
Inside, Joelâs heart twisted. He remembered the night like yesterday. Now he was left with nothing but ashes and guilt that hollowed him out from the inside.
Every part of him was screaming to shut Negan up, to wipe that smug look off his face. But it was true, wasnât it? Deep down, he was scaredâscared of losing again, scared of failing you the way heâd failed before.
But you, you were different. Despite everything, you stayed.
Despite the darkness he carried, the broken parts he tried to hide, youâd somehow found something worth holding onto.
That fierce loyalty of yours was like a light in the pitch-black cave of his heart, something so pure it almost hurt to look at.
You were stupid, he told himself, but the truth was you were braver than he ever could be.
You had this impossible, relentless hopeâthe dream of a life together, a family, even though heâd told himself it could never be.
You had loved him, flaws and all, even when he couldnât love himself. And now, the thought of what Negan had done, the way heâd shattered that hope, drove him to the edge.
"But this stupid bitch killed my baby before they could feel their daddy's voice,"
Negan's words echoed in the dim room, each one twisting deeper into Joel's heart. The pain surged through him like wildfire. You'd done the unimaginable for him, sacrificing more than he could comprehend, and now here you were, your hope and loyalty used against you like weapons.
It was more than he could takeâNegan was tearing away the last pieces of himself, bit by bit. Joel's fists clenched tight, knuckles white, straining against the binds holding him back, desperate to shut Negan up, to take back what had been lost.
Neganâs voice grew sharper, each taunt slicing like a blade. "You see, Joel? this bitch is loyal and fucking crazy, she killed her own child for you! just to make a new baby for you!"
"She killed her own kidâfor you. All that love, all that loyalty, wasted on you."
"But itâs over, you hear me? You and her? Done. Iâll make sure she forgets you. And when Iâm finished with you, thereâll be nothing left."
The world narrowed to this single moment. Negan, too consumed with his taunts to notice, didnât see you move.
In a swift, silent motion, you grabbed a jagged tool from the ground behind him, the weight of it heavy in your hand. You swung it, heart pounding, and plunged it into Negan's chest with everything you had.
Negan gasped, staggering back, his eyes flashing with fury and shock. In an instant, he retaliated, plunging his knife into your side.
The pain ripped through you, a white-hot flash as you felt the blade sink in, stealing the air from your lungs.
"Joel..."
Time slowed, the world narrowing to the throbbing ache and the look on Joel's faceâhis eyes wide, pure horror carved into every line, as he screamed for you, voice raw and desperate.Â
"NO!"
Your name fell from his lips, a broken prayer, just as you stumbled back, collapsing onto the cold ground. Negan kicked you aside with brutal force, your body sliding across the floor as you fought to keep your vision steady.
You could barely hear Joelâs cries over the rushing in your ears, his desperate shout, the anguish that filled every word, but you felt his presence as if he were right there, holding you.
The sound of wood splintering filled the room as Joel threw his weight against the chair, shattering the binds that held him. In one furious motion, he was on his feet, lunging at Negan with a force that seemed to shake the air.
They collided in a storm of fists and fury, each punch landing like thunder. Blood smeared the floor, echoing the carnage that seethed within Joelâs heart, his fists fueled by a rage that seemed boundless.
Every blow was a release, a reckoning for the agony and fear Negan had unleashed.
Through your blurred vision, you saw themâJoel, relentless and unyielding, his fists raining down on Negan, every punch charged with a love heâd never put into words, a love you could feel, pulsing through every beat of your wounded heart.
The scene before you felt like a twisted nightmare, each moment a struggle to stay present, to push through the pain as blood seeped from your wounds.
You clutched your side, feeling the warmth slip between your fingers as you pressed down, refusing to give in. You had to stay awake. You had to stay with him.
Joel was still fighting, his fists relentless, fueled by desperation and a love that spoke louder than words. But Neganâs laugh rang out, mocking, dark.
âTough guy, Miller? Is that all you got?â Neganâs face was bruised, bloodied, but he still smirked through it, as if even this pain was just another game to him.
"Bring it on!" Negan said. Joel didnât let up, his fists a storm of anger, of love, of every unspoken promise heâd made. He was protecting you with everything he had.
But in a flash, Neganâs hand found his bat, and with a brutal swing, he sent Joel flying backward, his head colliding with the floor.
As Joelâs head slammed against the cold ground, a sickening thud reverberated through the room, a sound that echoed in the hollow of your chest.
But Negan loomed over him now, his eyes alight with a sadistic joy. âMy turn,â he sneered, swinging the bat down again and again, each blow ringing out, a sickening thud that filled the room.
"NO!"
Joel tried to stand, tried to fight, but he was slowing, his strength waning. Blood pooled around him, and when he looked up at you, his eyes were glazed, his face pale.
Blood ran from his temple in a dark, winding river, and you could see the light beginning to fade in his eyes, the haze of consciousness slipping further with each ragged breath.
His gaze found yours, as he tried to smile, to offer you one last reassurance. You felt a surge of panic rise in you, raw and consuming, as you screamed, âNO! STOP IT!" you saw Negan bash his bat to Joel over and over again.
But Negan laughed, a deep, sinister sound that filled every corner of the room. âLook at you, Miller,â he sneered, swinging the bat down again, the force of it making Joelâs body jerk, each strike ripping pieces from your soul.
âYou really thought you could win?â
Your vision blurred as hot tears slipped down your cheeks. The pain in your side was blinding, your own blood pooling beneath you, but nothing compared to the sight of Joelâyour Joelâbruised, broken, and bleeding, his life slipping away with each heartbeat.
âWake up, Joel,â you whispered, a plea laced with desperation, but your voice cracked as you saw him begin to fade.
"WAKE UP!" you screamed, âPlease, Joel. Wake up!â You tried to rise, but agony shot through you, your body weakening under the weight of your injuries.
All you could do was lie there, helpless, watching as the man you loved was torn apart before your eyes.
Negan paused, his cruel smile widening as he noticed Joelâs lips moving, a faint whisper escaping.
âWhatâs that, tough guy? what did you say? oh my God! tough son of a bitch! look! he tried to speak to you!â He laughed looking at you as Negan point to Joel laying in the ground blood all over him, mocking, stepping back just enough to give Joel room to speak.
Joelâs head lifted, his bloodied face turned to you, his voice broken but determined.
âC-close⊠your eyes, dollâŠâ His words were barely audible, each syllable a struggle, blood trickling from his mouth as he tried to form the words.
He lifted a hand, reaching out to you, trembling, his fingers stretching to bridge the aching space between you.
You shake your head crying, "No...Joel...", The world closed in around you, the weight of your love for him too heavy, too fierce, to bear the thought of letting go.
Tears blurred your vision, and you choked back a sob, heart shattering as you whispered back, âYou canât⊠I canât lose you.â
"J-just, c-close your eyes, you're gonna be okay," he said again, blood now coming out from his mouth again.
Your chest heaved, your vision blurred with tears. No, you thought, this canât be it.
The man whoâd become everything to youâthe man whoâd fought against his own darkness just to hold onto yoursâwas fading. You couldnât lose him. You wouldnât lose him.
Then, as if by divine intervention, your gaze fell to the floor.
It's your gun. Your bible and your gun you hadn't see in a long time.
The gun and the Bible Frank had given you, lying just within reach beneath the table. A fire rekindled within you.
A fury as deep and fierce as your love for Joel, you need to save him. This man would fight to his last breath for you, and you'd do the same for him.
Then you began to crawl, inch by painful inch, toward the weapon. Negan, too caught up in his victory, hadnât noticed, his laughter grating on your raw nerves.
âOh, donât worry, Joel,â Negan sneered, leaning over him with twisted delight. âIâm gonna take real good care of your girl here. Good night.â
But before he could swing, before he could deliver that final, sickening blow, you rose to your knees, aimed the gun, and pulled the trigger.
BANG.
The sound shattered the silence. Negan froze, the shock evident in his wide, stunned eyes as he stumbled, blood blooming across his chest. You fired again.
You didnât stop. Y
He looked at you, eyes narrowing, but you held your ground, staring into him with a steady, unyielding gaze.
Again and again and again, you pressed the trigger, feeling your breath hitch with each pull, each impact sinking deeper, as if each shot was tearing away the chains he had wrapped around you.
You are screaming as the fury poured from you, pouring all the agony into each pull of the trigger, trying to emptying every last round into him, watching him fall, watching his face twist in horror as his strength faded.
Finally, the gun clicked, empty, but you werenât finished. Dropping the weapon, you stepped forward, picking up his bat.
The weight felt righteous in your hands. Standing over him, you paused, staring down into his eyes, watching the realization settleâhe knew heâd lost.
Neganâs bloodied mouth twisted into a smile, his laughter hoarse and fading. âLook at you,â he rasped, his voice broken, taunting to the very end. âAll grown up now.â
Those were his last words.
You raised it high and swung the bat with everything you had, unleashing everything heâd taken from you, every wound he had caused, every hope heâd tried to crush.
The sound of cracking bone echoing in the room, a raw, primal scream tearing from your throat as you brought it down again and again and the bone shattered beneath you.
The world faded, reduced to the rhythmic, furious release of pain, until nothing was left but silence, his broken body beneath you.
You dropped the bat, chest heaving, the weight of it all crashing down on you.
And then you heard itâJoelâs voice, barely a whisper, calling your name, grounding you, reminding you of who you were beyond the fury.
You turned toward him, your body swaying with the weight of pain and exhaustion. Every step you took felt heavier than the last, as if the ground itself wanted to hold you back, to stop you from reaching him.
But you pushed forward, collapsing beside him, your trembling hands finding his blood-streaked face, brushing against his stubbled cheek with a gentleness that defied the violence youâd just endured.
"Joel⊠hang on," you whispered, but the words barely escaped your lips, thick with tears.
His head lolled against you, his brown eyes finding yours, and the blood pooled in his hair shimmered like some tragic halo.
You could feel the strength slipping from his body, a slow ebbing tide that pulled him further away with every heartbeat.
"Look at me, doll," he murmured, his voice a threadbare whisper, his hand lifting with a tremor to brush your cheek, his thumb sweeping away the tears that blurred your vision.
"Youâre⊠youâre gonna be okay."
You shook your head, gathering him closer, your blood mingling with his as you pressed his head to your lap, cradling him as though you could shelter him from the world that had dealt you both such cruelty.
"No, weâre gonna be okay," you insisted, your voice breaking under the weight of it, a plea wrapped in promise.
"Donât leave me⊠please, Joel. I canât do this without you."
You could see the struggle in his eyes, the quiet resignation in his bruised face as he tried to smile, each line etched into his skin telling stories of a life spent fightingâand now, his final fight slipping through his grasp.
He lifted a hand, pressing against the wound on your side even as his own blood stained your fingers. Every breath was shallow, every word a strain.
He leaned his forehead to yours, his breath warm against your skin, his eyes barely focusing but still on you, clinging to this moment, to you.
"Iâm sorry, babygirl," he whispered, as if the words themselves could bind you together just a little longer.
âNo. Donât⊠donât do this to me, Joel,â you begged, pressing your hand harder to his wound too, as if the pressure alone could stop the flow of time, of everything that was slipping away.
You cupped his face, tears falling onto his skin, mingling with the blood that soaked you both. "Weâre gonna be okay. We have to be."
But even as you spoke, darkness edged into your vision too, the room narrowing to the beat of your shared breaths, slow and unsteady.
His fingers held yours, entwined in a desperate grip that softened as his strength faded, his pulse a faint echo in your hand. âI love you,â he whispered.
The words raw and cracked, filling the hollow spaces between you, the ache and loss that could never be spoken. âIâll always be with you.â
The world blurred, the pain and fear blending into a strange calm as you traced your fingers over his face, memorizing every line, every scar.
"I love you so much, Joel," you whispered, voice barely a breath, pressing your lips to his forehead, grounding yourself in the warmth of him, the man who had become your salvation, your strength.
He looked at you, his gaze softening, his hand falling to rest against your cheek one last time. "I found you,â he murmured, a faint smile tugging at his lips as the darkness began to claim him.
In the distance, a sound broke the silenceâa wail of sirens, voices muffled and faint, calling yours and Joel's name.
You heard your own name echoed, felt the vibration of the world rushing toward you, but it felt so far away, unreachable.
âJoel?â you whispered, weak and fading, your vision blurring as exhaustion pulled you under. Joel didnât respond, his head resting still against your lap, his breathing shallow, slipping away from you.
Your name rang out again, closer now, a voice that you knewâa voice that felt like home.
"Tommy," you managed, a faint smile softening your lips as your gaze lifted, catching sight of his familiar face before the darkness claimed you.
âHe found us.â
And then, like the soft closing of a book, everything faded into black.
HANG ON PEOPLE, WE STILL GOT ONE MORE FINAL CHAPTER!
#dbf!joel miller x reader#pedro pascal x reader#joel miller x reader#pedro pascal#joel miller#the last of us#pedro pascal smut#joel miller smut#the last of us hbo#dark!joel miller x reader#dbf!joel miller#joel miller the last of us#ethel cain#lana del rey#southern gothic#joel miller age gap#tommy miller#joel tlou#ellie williams#tlou#tlou hbo#joel miller x you#pedro pascal x you#preacher's daughter
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My 9-1-1 RANT
Ok, I donât normally do these types of posts, but I canât move on until I get some things out. These are just my thoughts about the latest episodes of 9-1-1 as well as overall comments on the Buck/Tommy relationship. These opinions are mine and are based on the countless hours of TV Iâve watched in my 54 years on this planet, as well as my knowledge of writing and how Hollywood operates. Iâm not confirming that any of this is true or are the real intentions of anyone involved with the show. Just my opinions. So, you can agree with me or not. Iâm not trying to persuade anyone in any way. Also, Iâm not going to get into endless arguments about my opinions but feel free to comment if you want, I just donât promise Iâll reply.Â
Ok, here we go. Sorry itâs so long. Like I said earlier, I just needed to get it out. So many wasted opportunities.
If you think TM cares what the fans want, youâre seriously kidding yourself. If he did, Buddie would have been canon a long time ago. The only thing he cares about is ratings and his vision for the show, which can change at a momentâs notice with no rhyme or reason as weâve seen.Â
Although I loved Buck and Tommy together, I knew the show wouldnât do their story justice. So, no matter what TM or OS have said, the bi story was only to garner publicity, draw in new viewers, and increase ratings especially with the show moving to a new network. There was no altruistic reason behind it so donât kid yourself. They knew there was an audience for the story because of all the Buddie shippers. Just remember, itâs called show business, not show friends for a reason.
Do you think OS really cares about bi representation? Based on his latest comments and non-apology itâs obvious he only cares about getting the stories that garner him the most screen time and press. Seriously, read his latest interviews. Heâs excited to get to have fun now. So, congrats OS, Buck gets to F around. Just shows how most, if not all, actors are ego driven no matter what they say. Sorry not sorry.
TM has commented that he doesnât owe anyone anything. In fact, I recall him saying to Buddie fans if they donât like it, read fanfiction. If that didnât clue you in, then you werenât reading the room. Kinda reminds me of another show runnerâŠfor those who watched H50 you know who Iâm talking about. Thatâs why I donât get heavily invested in these shows. Iâll watch but I never expect anything I like to lastâŠespecially if it has to do with gay relationships.
It says a lot that the show remained completely silent about the bullying and death threats Lou received just for playing a role he was happy to play. Again, they really didnât care because they knew he wasnât going to be there after episode six. What a great message for all the bulliesâŠjust keep bullying and youâll get what you want.Â
Again, reread OSâs interviews. He was doing the Hollywood double speak. Says just enough to keep you hooked with hope to get you to watch even when he knew all along it wasnât lasting. It really was as clear as day if you go back and read what he said.Â
Also, if you thought Buck was going to get into a meaningful long-term relationship, then you didnât watch the video from the You Tuber ïżœïżœïżœCall Me Chatoâ that TM posted on his Facebook. The video was all about characters and how they should always stay fundamentally the same with minimal development - Iâm paraphrasing. However, Buck is the golden retriever, heart so big it gets broken, character who will remain on a hamster wheel and unlucky in love because thatâs who he is. If he changes too much it shifts the dynamic, which only happens if the show was ending.Â
If you thought the writers would do justice to a bisexual story, then you havenât been watching the show closely. Thereâs been minimal Buck/Tommy relationship development on screen. Taylor got more. Viewers were lucky to get crumbs in the limited screen time Buck and Tommy got. Then, a breakup out of left field? One minute Buck is saying Tommy is it for him and he wants him to move in, and then itâs over? If he truly felt deeply for Tommy, why not fight to keep him? Why give up so easily and let him walk away? Whatâs the point? Also, to end it on a terrible stereotype is yet another clue. Horrible writing and another sign that TM and OS had zero investment in the relationship. The whole break up was rushed and made no sense. Essentially, it was just used to draw people in and to get Buck single and sleeping around again because thatâs who he is. I for one wonât care for any of Buckâs future relationships. I mean, why would I when they never last.Â
Also, writers that give you a 66-year-old police sergeant and a 10 y/o boy landing a heavily damaged plane on an active freeway in LA with no prior training, and sorry playing video game flight simulators is not training, is some Sharknado level writing, which is not a compliment. Oh, and that whole story was truly the shows âjumping the sharkâ moment. If you donât know what the term âjumping the sharkâ means, look it up and try to tell me Iâm wrong.Â
Not having Tommy involved in the three part premier episodes, other than a few minutes at a birthday party, was so obvious as to the showâs intent. I mean, the fake captain from Hotshots got more screen time.Â
They claim they wanted someone for Buck that was connected to him and the 118 and then you donât use the character at all. You wanted Buck off the hamster wheel? What a crock! Such a wasted opportunity.
Since itâs been confirmed episode 6 was filmed before 5, Timâs just playing god with peoplesâ feelings and crushing their hearts at this point. I mean, how do you have such a great episode (5) and a wonderful speech by Josh (6) just to break them up? Plus, having Tommy break up after six months? That man was all in, which was obvious in episode 5.
Guess it shouldnât be a surprise thatâs how TM would handle things after that horrible Tarlos breakup. At least on Lone Star we knew Rafa (Carlos) was a main cast member so there was hope. Lou was a guest star so it seems kinda final based on his interviews. Again, what was the point? They could have had Buck's bi revelation be with a random character. So, building up the Buck/Tommy relationship just to take it away was to inflict the most pain. Good job.Â
Do I think the show will make Buddie canon? Who knowsâŠone thing I do know is I wouldnât trust them if they did. Also, even if Tommy somehow returns, I donât trust TM with anything related to this story. Sure, hope heâs happy with ruining the show for so many people. Again, like another show runner I mentioned in item 4 above. Honestly, I canât believe the Buddie fans have stayed for so long. Thatâs commitment, I guess.Â
Do I think Lou should go back to 9-1-1? Hell no! He was screwed over by both TM and OS. Prove it to me otherwise. However, itâs up to him and of course, he loves acting so I wouldnât blame him.
Finally, even though Iâve watched the show since the beginning, it no longer brings me joy. There are too many other TV shows to stick with one I no longer enjoy. So yes, Iâm announcing my departure, and I donât give an F what OS, you, or anyone else thinks about it. Not that any of this matters any wayâŠ
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*deep breath*
the thing is. the fucking thing is.
it's not unrealistic for someone to not dig deeper into their queer identity beyond what they know to be true, which might be "yeah i might be attracted to people of the same gender but i dont have time to get into that right now 'cause life is complicated and i'm in a relationship/i'm not interested in dating right now anyway so what does it matter"
(same goes for figuring out your gender identity. exhibit A:
[image description: a tweet by shaka (@/ScaredAsian) that says, âim probably nonbinary but i have a job so idrc about that rnâ. In plain text, it says, âIâm probably nonbinary but I have a job so I donât really care about that right now.â /end id])
but this doesn't work for evan buckley
who had his little freakout on his first date with tommy and went to talk to his sister who literally told him "now you're more than an ally" and that maybe he's not sure of his feelings but he'll figure them out. (sidenote: she should have said identity instead of feelings. but whatever.)
who has been in a relationship with his boyfriend for six months
who has been known to go on research binges because he has a curious mind and loves learning. tommy's sarcastic "oh good, you found a substack" tells us everything we need to know, y'all.
who has at least one very close queer friend and co-worker, hen fucking wilson; and one friend/acquaintance who is a queer man (we don't know how much he sees josh outside of visiting maddie at dispatch, and like, that one time he hang out with him and maddie and chimney, so it's a little bit up to fanon to decide if they're friend-friends but at the end of the day it is a trusted person and an openly gay man. i mean, we saw how josh stood up for tommy, and schooled the fuck out of buck. finally, a conversation about being queer between two canonically queer characters! only took 8 seasons, huh! i digress.)
and have i mentioned he's been dating his boyfriend for six months? like, if he was ever to have a conversation about being queer... tommy is right there. tommy opened up about his own experience figuring out his sexuality and coming out on their very first date and moreover reassured buck it's okay if he's feeling a little tense about them being out on a date in a public place.
point being: there are people in his life who would be more than happy to talk to him about his newfound identity outside of his relationship with tommy.
taking all of these things into consideration: it's not only inconsistent with the character they have established, but the timeline of it is also really fucking messed up.
and more than that: any faith i may have had in this show to handle a delicate matter like a character exploring their newfound sexuality has flown out the window. they broke the audience's trust with 8x06. i'm not interested in seeing how they're going to move this story forward, because 8x06 was such a particular fuck up, beginning to end, wrt the bucktommy storyline.
and honestly? knowing the format 911 follows, as a network procedural: this is not the right medium to tell this story, at this point in the timeline, because it has become way more complicated than it would have been in s7, immediately following buck's bisexual awakening.
tldr: the premise is sound but the execution is so bad it's practically unsalvageable within the scope of the show (but very manageable in fanfiction, where you can dwell in the character's headspace and dig into what goes on beyond the things they say and do. godspeed, everyone <3)
partly inspired by @firehose118's tags on their post and partly like, being queer. source: dude trust me
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3.37 Soulmates
Today Iâm spending some time with Pops. While I was camping, he found out that the LGBT center where heâs been working forever will be closing in just a couple weeks and heâll be out of a job. It wasnât unexpectedâtheyâve been having funding issues for a whileâbut it still sucks. Unfortunately, Dad is in San My for a gig this weekend, so I figure Pops could use some company.
âIâm really sorry about your job,â I tell him as he finishes washing the dishes. âAre you guys gonna be okay?â
âWe have a good amount in savings, and Iâve already been in contact with someone at the LGBT center in Del Sol. Theyâve all but offered me a position there that pays more and has more flexibility.â
âWow, thatâs great! So I guess you wonât have much of a reason to stay in Evergreen Harbor, then.â
âNot really. We could probably find a smaller place closer to the LGBT center.â
I know what that means. Thereâs no reason my parents should have to pay for another 3 bedroom house when their kids are grown. âI guess itâs time for me to find a place, too.â
âIâm sorry to spring it on you like this, but I think youâre ready for it.â
âYeah, I am. I really appreciate you guys taking me in for as long as you did.â
âYouâve come a long way, Johnny. Youâll be just fine.â
âWhat about you? Youâll be all alone when Dad is traveling.â
âThatâs the good thing about this job. Iâll be able to work remotely some, so I can travel with Dad sometimes.â
âOh, thatâs good then. I know itâs not easy for you two to be away from each other.â I pause. Thereâs something thatâs been on my mind since I came back from my camping trip, and Pops seems like the perfect person to help me figure it out. âDo you think you and Dad are soulmates?â
âSoulmates? Hmm.â He stops for a moment to consider. âNo, I donât think we are,â he finishes.
âReally? Why not?â I'm taken aback by his answer. What does he mean, they're not soulmates?
âWell, you remember how Dad and I met, right?â
âYeah, you saw each other at a protest and sparks flew or something cheesy like that.â
âMm-hmm. But I donât think Iâve ever told you the full story of what happened that night. Before I ended up at the protest, I was at your momâs apartmentâshe told me she needed to talk to me about something. Instead, I told her I was gay and couldnât be in a relationship with her anymore, and I leftâwithout finding out that she was pregnant.â
âOh. She was going to tell you that night?â
âYes, until she decided that I wasnât the kind of man that should raise children. If things had been differentâif she had told me she was pregnant before I came out to herâI would have stayed.â
âYou wouldâve kept pretending to be straight?â I can't imagine what his life would have been like but it sounds pretty terrible. And to think he would have chosen that because of me and Chantal?
âFor a while at least. And who knows, maybe eventually I would have found someone else to love and Iâd still be happy. But I wouldnât have met your dad that night.â
âOk, but that didnât happen. What does that have to do with being soulmates?â
âBecause, Johnny, if Iâd stayed with her a little longer then the things that happened to you and Chantal at your momâs house wouldnât have happened. I would have been there to keep you safe and well cared for. I just canât believe that your Dad and I were meant to be together when the circumstances that led to us meeting were also the circumstances that led to my children being hurt and neglected.â
âWell, maybe itâs fate and you wouldâve met a different way.â I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around what Pops is saying. A world where he and Dad aren't together just doesn't make sense.
âMaybe. But I donât think any of these hypotheticals really matter. Like you said, thatâs not what happened. What matters is that today, in the here and now, I canât imagine my life without him. Any reason in particular why youâre thinking about soulmates?â He raises his eyebrows knowingly.
âI guess itâs more that Iâm wondering how you know if someone is the right person for you, but it kind of sounds like itâs not that simple.â
âWell, a sign isnât going to drop down from the heavens that says âThis person is the one,â but it doesnât have to be complicated. Find the person you canât imagine your life without. I donât know if thatâs what you were wanting to hear, but I hope it answers your question.â
Find the person you canât live without. Maybe there arenât signs falling from the sky, but those words are about as close as Iâll get. âIt does," I tell him. "It may not be the answer I was expecting, but I think it cleared something up for me.â
âI see. Do you want to talk about it?"
Normally I would jump at the chance to get some input, but now I don't feel like I need it. I shake my head. âNo, I think I can handle it from here.â The thought makes me nervous, but I canât avoid this. I need to talk to Lacey.
Previous | Beginning of story | Beginning of chapter | Next
#hmm what do you think he's going to tell her?#ts4#sims 4#ts4 story#simblr#sims story#sims storytelling#simlit#sims community#show us your story#stksafeharbor#safeharborstory#sh:chapter3#sh:johnny#sh:solomon
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SCOM WRITERS NOTES! For CriminalâŠ
Darius and Willow (and Hunter)
First? Some mental health stuff.
Iâm back and my brain is working overtime not to panic and obsess about things that are currently out of my control.
Not easy. Iâm sick to my stomach most days and raising my kids who are now WAY more aware than they were when they were literal babies in 2016 and have a lot of thoughts about *things* takes up a lot of headspace.
Iâm going to continue to (try) distracting myself with fan fiction and writing notes⊠but I may be slower because of everything.
So see below for a few notes about Criminal and how Dariusâ (and Steveâs) actions after Willowâs actions frame things.
Dariusâ track record of truth versus omissions of full truth is BAD in SCOM. I know that a LOT of folks thought I was deliberately anti Darius etc and that is something that they are entitled to believe, but certainly I was working more with the idea that people are messy AF, especially people coming from an underground resistance to a fascist government, and Darius had other hang ups considering his own relationship with Hunterâs predecessor.
Darius made bad decisions that he meant well by at the time and sometimes even overcompensated to fix which ended up costing more to begin with. This is a REALLY HUMAN PROBLEM. He chose to dive back into government (and mend and reform it) which means it was IMPOSSIBLE for him to share certain things with others on the outside.
In SCOM Hunter, coming from the place he had been all his life needed distance from anything involving government. The two things just couldnât fit together and as Darius had admitted (and Bria twisted) heâd felt sick when he saw Hunter realizing just how badly heâd failed at not mentoring him, but being in his life.
That said? Everything he had done (for better or for worse) was to protect Hunter and keep him out of government affairs so he could remain a private citizen.
And a big one, that displayed a TON of bias was how he handled the situation between Willow and Kikimora.
He has a lot of compassion for Willow and recognizes very well how someone can be pushed SO FAR PSYCHOLOGICALLY when it comes to the thought of a loved one being hurt and abused.
Further? Kikimora (unlike Hunter and Willow) was a grown ass adult when this occurred (more on that later in the story).
Torture is NOT Willowâs go to by any means. She felt outside her own body when she acted as she had. A feeling both Darius (and Steve) are likely to understand. And they believe she deserves a chance at healing.
So taking her memory and getting her into therapy was part of protecting Willow and Hunter at the time. Not only did he see her as a child who couldnât process her emotions over not being able to protect someone she loved, but he saw her actual horror at her actions.
This shouldnât be definitive of her future anymore than Hunter should be defined by his time as a child under Belos.
#toh fanfic#the owl house#hunter noceda#sweet child o mine#toh hunter#a03 fanfic#spotify#willow x hunter#willow park#huntlow#toh criminal au#darius angst#hunter and darius#toh darius#darius deamonne
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Okay, after having a few days to process, I am allowing myself one vent post to get it out of my system and then itâs back to âšpositive vibesâš only
If I see one more goddamn smarmy post about how âthe writing was on the wall the whole timeâ (with the undercurrent of âyou were too stupid to see it, I have the only valid interpretationâ) Iâm going to lose it
Had we not had 8x05, the breakup still would have bummed me out, but I would have said, you know what, fair, we didnât see a whole lot of their relationship, a lot of it was fanon and headcanons. We had a good run. But we did get 8x05, apparently some of it filmed out of order knowing a breakup was coming, and what was the point? To be cruel? It felt like a slap in the face to people who liked that relationship.
They could have laid some groundwork to show some cracks in the relationship, but no. Ignoring disingenuous interpretations from people who have been rooting for the ship to crash and burn since day one, 8x05 established Buck & Tommy as a solid couple. Tommy gets along with Eddie, the three of them had great chemistry together. Tommy takes care of Buck when heâs hurt. Tommy thinks the curse is a bunch of bs (as does Eddie) but still went with Buck to have a funeral for a mummy. Itâs like I watched someone cook an elaborate, delicious dinner for me and then they immediately threw it in the trash, and other people around me made fun of me for being blindsided and upset because I should have seen that coming.
I wonât pretend the general audience is a monolith who all have the same opinions. Iâm sure there are people who donât care and just shrugged their shoulders that another relationship of Buckâs fizzled out. But I have 2 friends who watch the show and arenât Fandom Fans, and they are always my barometer for how people who donât have brain rot (affectionate) feel about the show. One really liked the relationship, the other was neutral to mildly negative on it, and both of them agreed that it felt like the breakup came out of nowhere and made no sense given the context of the previous episode. So please stop pretending that itâs only BT fandom fans who have their knickers in a twist about how it played out.
If this isnât leading to buddie, then I donât want to see another love interest for either Buck or Eddie for the rest of the show. Tommy had so much potential to break the cycle of Buckâs love interests (and interviews from last season seem to support that they were aware of this and planning on utilizing that) and throwing it away feels like such a waste.
So yeah, instead of being just bummed, Iâm pissed. I do not know if there was BTS drama or if Tim got some other grand idea for Buckâs storyline this season â but given how plots are adopted and dropped at rapid fire pace this season (something I was willing to forgive last season because of the shortened production timeline and fewer episodes), Iâm highly skeptical that thereâs any sort of overarching plan here.
Iâve never thought buddie would actually happen on the show, but I also never thought either Buck or Eddie would ever be anything other than straight, so Iâd be happy to be proven wrong. Iâm just a little jaded by seeing people doing a victory lap convinced that buddie canon is imminent when I think that they are giving the writers a lot more credit than they deserve for supposedly crafting this epic love story for the last five or so years when a lot of that is also just generous fanon interpretation. I need explicit confirmation within the show by the end of this season that at least one of them has caught feelings or Iâm over entertaining the possibility it will actually happen.
I know the joy will come back. But I really hope the same plot lines playing out ad nauseam for every character stops because Iâm getting a little tired.
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This is gonna be longâŠyouâve been warned
So hereâs my thing. I think that milkvan wouldâve been cute had they established them into a slow burn. Letâs just say they had set up milkvan differently and had them develop slowly over the seasons. I believe that for it to have worked they couldâve kept them on a friend level in season 1 (maybe have subtext of their crushes but nothing more). Any sort of romance felt forced to me. I mean this girl literally has been locked up in a lab and gone through so much trauma. She needed more time to trust people. She also needed more time to understand what a romantic relationship is. Then in season 2, I donât think they should have kissed. They couldâve danced together at snowball but I still think they shouldâve kept it platonic. I loved how season 3 showed El learning about independence. Being surrounded by bad men all her life, I think it was important for her to see what itâs like to have a strong female friendship. Again, I donât think El and Mike shouldâve been together in season 3. Maybe El couldâve confided in Max about her crush on Mike but I truly think El needed to learn to love her self and find her true self-identity before rushing into a romantic relationship. Season 3 sort of touched on this but it was because her and Mike broke up. I just donât think they shouldâve been together in the first place. Now maybe season 4 couldâve been where Mike and El started coming together. Mike comes to visit them and sees what El is going through. They confide in each other about trauma/bullying. Then they are separated again and this is when Mike realizes how much he truly loves El. Theyâre reunited and then they have their big moment when Mike gives his speech. Donât get me started on the speech. Thatâs a whole other thing I wonât fully get into. Instead of Mike saying âyouâre my superheroâ he couldâve said something more along the lines of âyouâre not a monster, you are the strongest person I knowâ and brought up things to show he understands El. Personal things that show he really loves her as a person who is more than just her powers. Had they done this with milkvanâs story I wouldâve possibly shipped them. However, the way they wrote them leads me to believe that El is meant to go on a journey where ultimately she becomes an independent women. I really just want her to finally see herself as the beautiful person she is. Because all her life she has been used by others for her powers and I want her to realize that she is more than that.
#byler#jane hopper#mike wheeler#will byers#Iâm ranting but I just needed to let it out#this is just my opinion#if you donât agree thatâs okay Iâm just saying what I think
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Giving back the bird's wings...
feat. Levi Ackerman
After some observing Levi confrontes you about your relationship with your boyfriend. He can't longer look and ignore the feeling that tugged at his heartstrangs. You deserve so much better...
In this story you are working for the survey corps as maid in the headquarters. And you have a really toxic relationship with your boyfriend. Idk why but writing for Levi always makes me want to write something angsty. So here we are â ïžâš please be aware that some things can trigger. So take a look at the warnings.đ Oh and I suck in proof reading â ïž
Wordcount:4k
Warnings: Angst, ab*sive relationship, tox*c relationship, mentions of domest*c v*olence, sad, but fluff especially in the end. Levi is really tender with you đ
You sat there in his office, tears streaking your beautiful face. It hurt him, more than it hurt you.
He found out what happened, not that it was that hard at all, people just needed to take a closer look, a more concerned look behind that happy exterior you always put on.
It was convincing, nearly so convincing that Levi himself might not notice, not right away.
But he cursed himself for not seeing it sooner.
You were a sweet girl, you have always been. So giving and selfless. You weren't in the corps, no. But you worked for them as a maid.
You cleaned and made the beds for the scouts. You cooked and served, and of course always had an ear for everyone who needed it. Not only that, but you were part of the group who made the scout feel like family. Especially the trainees, the new ones.
Levi was always gruff, pretending he would find you annoying.
Although it was indeed the opposite. He knew you was a person that probably would give someone else your last money because they needed it more than you. Too good for this cruel world, too good for him.
Not that he ever had a chance, he always thought to himself. You were taken, not a single lady. Your boyfriend was part of the military policy. A tall guy, strong and really an eye-catcher. But well even when he always seemed so concerned for you, or so nice. He wasn't.
Levis steel blue eyes looked at you, how you hid your face behind your hair. That pain on your face, it tugged in his heart strings.
Why you were sitting here?
Well, after Levi slowly found out what kind of man your boyfriend was, he simply observed you. Some signs were clear, he wasn't dumb. He saw how you hid your bruises, how you cried alone, ate alone. Always trying to avoid when someone asked you...really asked you how you have been. Â
But tonight he had enough of observing and lurking around you. He was sure, your tears you shed give it all away.
A barrier that broke after he pointed it out.
"It's not like you think, he can be gentle, I swear. Sometimes he just doesn't know how he should control his strength." your voice was thin, even now you was defending this piece of shit? This man, who claimed to love you? And yet hurt you so much.
"Stop defending him. He hurts you, you don't hurt people that way when you love them." his voice was cold, he was angry. Not at you, of course not. His hand went through his raven strands. "You are too good for him, you give him everything and he did what? Throwing it away? And you still think it's your fault?" There was a chuckle that ran down your spine, he was not amused far from it.
"Some people need-" you wanted to start why you saw something good, you always saw something good, even in the captain himself.
"It still makes my blood run cold, to remember what he did before. You never told me anything at all, or anyone. I don't watch, (Y/N)." he stated firm, and he was really concerned, for you. Too soft, to get hurt by someone like this, a bird in a cage which wings were cut off.
He stood up from his seat makes his way around the desk before he stopped in front of you. Your head hanging low. Â
"It's not like I would be oblivious, i-I know what he does." You meant, your voice trembling. When you were small you always wanted a man like you had now, big and strong, popular among the ranks, a smile that makes your heart warm, until you discovered his smile, your boyfriend heart was not real. His smile never reached his eyes. It made you believe that simply you was too different for this world. You were the problem, in being too sensitive, too emotional. Caring too much for everything. You were a smart girl, but you lost your own worth for yourself.
Thinking it was all you ever could get.
"When you know, why then you are still there?" he asked in a deep voice, still standing in front of you, looking down at you. He wanted to get a reaction from you, wanted you to see how damn wrong this was.
"Where else should I go? What do you want me to say?" you asked him, your voice filled with sorrow and yet with anxiety.
"I want you to speak it out." Levi meant, and in his head he was killing this man about the 100th time.
"Speak out what? That hitting your girlfriend is wrong? That insulting her is wrong? Making her do things, she never wanted but never had a choice? This is the world we were born in, everyone has problems. Mine is not different. It is what it is, not that I deserve anything at all when I am taking everything too my heart, I try... I fucking try. And it is me who-" you said, and your voice went a little louder in the end, you wanted to lash out not knowing why, tears started to run down your cheeks again. He stopped you, grabbing your chin and lifted it so you were forced to look at him. Â
"You are not aware how this makes my blood thin, to remember what you are to him." Levi himself talking a little louder because of the intensity of this situation. He would never allow anyone to touch you like that again. He would rather die than have the hands of this filthy man on you.
Alone the thought how much you suffered at these hands, not just physical.
But the Captain was right, what were you to your boyfriend? A question you asked yourself a lot, wanted to be better, wanted to improve, although you were already perfect in other eyes...in Levis eyes.
"What am I?" you asked, and you looked so vurnable to him, he wanted to shield you from anything cruel this world offered you.
"You are...precious." these words simply came out of his mouth before he could stop them. Not that they were not true, but maybe because they were too true, to himself.
"(Y/N) you are lovely, probably one of the most...purest people I know. You take care of everyone and everything around you, simply because this is the being you are. You make a place feel like home, because you are home." his voice lower this time laced with raw honesty, not that he sounded pretty about that, it was everything he usually would never say out loud. He then went to one of his knees and hold your hand. Your teary eyes widen, no one ever said anything like that to you. No one appreciated your personality like this.
"At least to me..." he than added thin. You took a shaky breath, tried to wipe your tears away. But his hand already was on your cheeks, his thumb collecting the salty fluid.
"Why are you saying this?" you asked him, it was irony still asking questions if this was true, how bad this man had damaged you?
"Because otherwise you wouldn't see it, not that you would see this now, he damaged you, broke your wings." Levi stated and there was this glint in his eye, a silent promise to himself. Â
"He broke more than that, he never had a nice word what he really meant." you spoke and at least you now was lured out of your shell, telling him what you really felt. Levi meant every word he said to you. And he was not known to say things like that. You were that sweet expectation, he needed to let you know what you were to him...you were home.
"Levi..." your thin voice spoke his name with such a need, because you felt so lost.
"I give them back to you, I promise." he said it just made you cry more. You felt like you wanted to crawl inside you, away from this situation. Levi would give you back your wings, that were cut of so rudely.
"Shhh." he soothed you then before you was pulled into a warm hug. You were sobbing, like crying out every bit of pain your boyfriend gave you. Â
After that conversation, Levi would never allow you to go back to that bastard, not with the knowledge he had.
You stayed in the headquarters. Levi stayed the whole time by your side, until you fell asleep, you were just so exhausted from all the crying and the distress. After he was sure you slept safe and sound he made his way out.
"Where you're going to this time?" a known voice was heard behind him, Levi turned around it was the Commander Erwin.
"Taking care of things." he replied, and it was with a cold tone, hard like steel. Erwin for sure wasn't clearly in the picture what had happened, but he knew Levi wouldn't react like this when it wouldn't be necessary.
"What things?" Erwin asked sternly.
"Removing some trash around here." Levi answered, not giving away at all what his dark plans were.
"Whatever you need to do, make sure it disappears thoroughly." the Commander said before he let Levi go his way. He knew he was going to kill someone, and that someone would be your heartless boyfriend....
Levi knew you would cry, he knew you would break. But you were broken long ago from a person who never even deserved all the love you could give.
His stepped were determined, with that one purpose. Someone who was just so fragile as you and yet so strong trying to hold your head above water, it hurt him.
You were drowning all by yourself, and this bastard of a man pushed your head underwater, filling your lungs so you couldn't scream.
It was unfair to him, like so many things. So many things weren't right, but this, this was not just something. You were good, lovely even, and Levi knew when it was time to let things rest, but this? How should he rest when he knows the bitter truth that someone was making your life harder. Making your life...not worthy.
When Levi reached his place he wanted to be he took a deep breath before he knocked on that door.
Someone opened it, indeed your boyfriend with that bright smile, that smile that teared you apart. Â
"The Captain of the Survey Corps, how can I help?" he asked him not aware how the next hour would go for him. Besides the fact that he didn't even ask for you. Your work was done about 3 hours ago, and you didn't come home. Levi knew that because he was the one who stopped you from going home.
"Hm, just checking up on things. Your girlfriend works for us, just doing some check-ups." Levi said gruffly in a low voice, his eyes looked hard, although they always did. He was short yes but not less an authority, he stepped into your home, the home you shared with this man.
"Oh yeah of course, we do these check-ups too, in our ranks." your boyfriend replied with curt smile letting Levi in.
"Where is she?" the Captain asked quiet stern, as he walked through the living room his hand resting on the sofa you probably used to sit.
"(Y/N)? Running some errands by now, she is always up on her legs. Like the good maid she is." he chuckled and well indeed he had this charm, seeming so nice and polite. All an act just to make people think he would be worth something. The short man sighted running a hand through his hair before his steps stopped. Turning around to the man.
"Errands? To this time? Isn't it a little late for that?" he cocked his head to the side, like if he was testing him. Your boyfriend was lying into his face, like he lied to everyone. It made Levis heart heavy to know that you belonged to this piece of shit. Someone who not even cherished you, who wouldn't give anything to you. Not more than a hit to you, not more than just empty words.
How often had you cried, because of him? How often your pretty eyes turned red? How often did you hid in your bedroom, hoping the next fight would be over. It was nearly like Levi could see all those things happen when he was inside this place.
"Well, yes it is late. But you know her, right? She wants to get things done." the other man meant not giving away anything. Levi groaned before the door was closed from the outside.
"Yeah she wants that, she always does a good job." Levi meant and walked closer to the tall guy who claimed to love you.
"It's not safe at all for a woman like her to wander around alone to this time, don't you think?" his voice cold, not a hint of warmth. God Levi would give everything, everything to protect you. Slowly your boyfriend turned irritated by these questions, the behavior. He furrowed his eyebrows tried to wave this off. Â
"Women like her?" he asked Levi with a certain edge in his voice.
"Women like her....soft, and good, make you warm around your heart with a single smile. Make your day better by walking by. The way she pours in tea...with such a determination to make someone happy nearly can be annoying when it wouldn't be so beautiful." Levi mumbled more to himself, when he realized how much you meant to him. How much you affected him.
"You don't deserve her, and you know it don't you?" Levi asked him the direct looking nearly menacing in his face.
"What you are talking about? Sure you are still doing check-ups?" your boyfriend asks and slowly there was this other side getting out, his face turning stern and angry.
"Yeah, check-ups on you. You really thought you hid it well enough?" Levi started and well Levi was shorter yes, but this guy wouldn't stand a chance against him.
"It is not of your concern what is between me and my damn girlfriend." he stated with a low and dangerous voice, all that bubbly and happy side he appeared vanished in this second, it was clear it was never real.
"She is my concern, she was when she started working by us. She hides her bruises well enough, you don't hit her face, I give you that." Levis words meant to provoke, to justify his actions he would take. And Indeed your boyfriend never hit your face, it was always so pretty, and he didn't want to ruin it, but he didn't want anyone to notice what was happening behind closed curtains.
"And? What now? Reporting me to the higher ups? Congratulations Captain, no one cares about a fucking maid." your boyfriend claimed with a cruel chuckle, cracking his knuckles.
"It's already too late for that, when you really think this here has a happy ending for you, than you have not paid enough attention boy." Levi grumbled and then it started... Â
That "fight" was short, indeed short, your boyfriend was so fast on the ground with Levis form hanging over him, bashed against the wall. Not more than a howling hound now.
"Please, I never do it again!" that tall guy cried, after he got hit many times in the face. His wrists already broken because of Levi.
"I swear! Stop, please." he begged, begged for his life, never did he thought something like that would happen. That someone would come and actually give him a lesson, but more than that to actually punish him for what he did.
"You didn't stop, when she asked you to." Levi spit out into his face, maybe it was wrong, maybe this was the wrong approach to do it. But man like him would never change, they would find the next victim. You already suffered enough... maybe it would hurt, but this pain, Levi knew he would be able to heal it for you. At least this is what he wanted to try.
With some more action of Levis fists your boyfriend slumped to the ground, alive but barely breathing. He asked himself why someone like Levi came to do justice for you.
"You want her to yourself." he stated with a weak and raspy voice.
"It's not about what I want, but what needs to be done. She suffered in your hands, and this what I gave you was not even the half of everything she went through. How could you hurt her?" Levi asked him grabbing his throat looking him dead in the eyes.
"Because she let me... because she is that pretty bird I wanted to keep in that cage." he answered and maybe your boyfriend was now honest for the first time in his life.
"She is good and you knew that. A shame that a man like you had her, had the chance to love a precious being like her and yet ended up locking her up, cutting off her wings, for what use? Because you felt strong? What a pity you need to be, when you need to hurt others to feel strong? Piece of shit." Levis voice was dangerous sharp like a dagger he meant every word, he was so angry at this guy.
"And now do me a favor and fucking die." was the last Levi said to him before he snapped his neck.... it was done now, he removed the trash. Â
Weeks went on after this incident, your boyfriend...he was being missed, his body not found, simply no one expected him to be dead, but he vanished.
You were aware what had happened, even when Levi never told you exactly that he committed murder. It was not like that tit was selfish, but he couldn't watch, couldn't watch how you would always be haunted by the actions of this man. And well...you truly let your happy guard down, behind that a sad girl, a broken one. So much weight on your delicate shoulders, a weight he wanted to lift. Levi would carry every burden, even when you never wanted him to.
He gave you time, not even expecting you to love him, to show him a sign of something, a small glimpse. Everything he wanted was that you felt safe, felt cherished.
Levi was in his office again but when he looked outside the window for just a fleeting moment, his eyes caught your sight.
You stood there in your maid dress you always wore, you finished working. Standing outside and handing out some pastries you bake. Of course Sasha was literally eating out your hand before Connie and Jean could get some. You weren't healed, but you seemed lighter, there was something about you now...something that made him want to believe it was justified what he did. He would give everything to a new sight to drink you in. The woman that was so gentle, yet always ready to give everything she could, just for a smile from another. The Captain found solace in watching you, your features highlighted by the sun. These lips that curled into a warm chuckle. These eyes that always gave away how you felt. At least to those who took a look, a real look.
He would give everything to borrow your indifference to see the world through your eyes.
You two had something together, the world had been unfair to both of you and yet you were able to be like this. Able to give that what Levi couldn't show. Not that these feelings weren't there, he cared a lot, more than he would admit, but you were the part that showed it.
You would complete him.
After you gave the three scouts the pastries you then went inside again, not many moments went over and he heard a knock. "Come on in." he replied with a curt voice. And there you was, none of you talked about the fact he made your boyfriend disappear.
You opened the door, with a tray in your hands, a warm cup of tea, Earl Grey, no sugar with a shot milk. And one of the pastries you bake, glazed with honey and walnuts.
"Before my shift is over I don't wanted you to pass out the chance to get one of those, before Sasha and Connie will kill all the pastries." you spoke with a sweet voice. You still seemed to carry a burden, yet you seemed lighter. You placed the tray on his desk, stood there next to him for a moment. Furthermore, you were thinking. There was this tension, the question if you should ask or not since weeks. The tension wasn't bad at all, but it was palpable. So much Levi felt it too.
"Your shift is already over, I know when it ends, and you worked longer than you have should." Levi pointed out with a short nod to the clock. Â
Indeed, your shift would have ended about 45 minutes ago. You wiped your hands on your apron before your face turned to him.
"Yeah maybe it was, but I enjoy being here. It's home now, remember?" you answered and was referring to the fact that he told you, you were home. And it struck his heart for a moment when you said that. You weren't shocked about what he had done? You were sweet and gentle yes, but not oblivious. Likewise, you knew your situation had been bad, probably when Levi wouldn't have noticed, when he wouldn't care you would still be locked away like the bird without wings you were.
Yearning for freedom. You were still learning, learning to fly, learning to take your freedom Levi gave you. You were living in the headquarters now, not that old home that hold so many gruesome memories to you.
He gave back your wings, the feathers slowly grow back, with each passing day.
"(Y/N)... I-" for once Levi wanted to start, wanted to explain why he did it. But you shut him up, with a simple gesture. Shoving the tray closer to him.
"You gave me back, what I wasn't able to get myself. Maybe it was not the perfect way. But...what is even perfect?" you asked instead you looked him deep in the eyes.
A silent understanding. It was a moment that not seemed to went over.
"You are." Levi replied, when he said that your eyes went so soft. It has always been like this, he never expected anything in return for what he did. He yearned for you, for so long, for that understanding and lovely woman you were. The way you made him warm around his heart.
Always feeling so unlucky when you had been taken, by a man who never truly wanted to see you. Because Levi saw everything about you. Every aspect that made you...you.
He lived like he got missing limbs, for you. So often he felt a piece missing. A missing heart next to his.
"Don't say that, Captain." you meant to him before you bend down a little because he was sitting, and you had been standing next to him.
"You said I am home... I want you to say that I feel like you are home too." you spoke before you took a deep breath, leaning in and giving him a sweet kiss on his cheek.
The usual stoic Captain, so composed. He felt vurnable for a short moment. Someone who saw behind his exterior, even with the things he has done, and would do again.
"Thank you, Levi. For everything." you whispered wanted to turn awa
#fanfiction#fanfic#anime#new blog#anime and manga#anime x reader#anime fluff#anime imagines#anime angst#angst#angst with a happy ending#levi ackerman x reader#levi ackerman#levi aot#aot#aot x reader#attack on titan x reader#attack on titan#captain levi#levi ackerman angst#levi x reader#levi x you#levi ackerman x you#sad anime#aot fanfiction#aot fluff#attack on titan angst#attack on titan anime#image#captain levi x reader
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FYI, I'm crowdfunding a retirement plan for Tim and a place for you on the 911 writers team. I'm sure you can help them sort out the rest of the plots too!
I donât know if this is genuine or sarcastic, so Iâm just going to say this:
I donât claim to know anything about media literacy. What I do understand is intricate plot and telling a compelling story. I also understand that from the end of 806, I said almost immediately âI feel manipulatedâ. This has deep personal connotations for me, but the point remains, and because of those personal relations, I get an actual âickâ about feeling manipulated. Now again, I have zero clarity one way or the other as to whether the manipulation is based out of them actually fucking this storyline up or if itâs because of the way theyâre trying to pitch it to us as an âexitâ and âendingâ. Either way, that hasnât left me.
All I know at the end of the day is that if these people donât understand how to recover from this decision, they donât belong in writing television. Thereâs also the point that Iâve made this week, that this is not the first time TM & Co have done something like this. Theyâve done it with Madney. Theyâve done it with Tarlos. Weâve even seen it to some degree with Bathena. What set us all off was the interviews, which weâve all stated from day one were âŠodd. The thing that stays with me though, is the fact that not once has any one of these interviews stated âTommy Kinard is gone for goodâ. Iâve read dozens of exit interviews (said this too earlier this week), and the only people CALLING it an exit interview, are the interviewers. Lou said the arc was over. By the very definition of what needs to be shared and said between BuckTommy for the reconciliation, heâs right. Theyâve spanned the first arc of their relationship. Further, another thing that sticks out in my mind is his statement towards how he wouldnât turn down playing Tommy again because, to his knowledge, thereâs nothing else similar to their relationship happening on television. Which is SO important for representation. I also keep thinking about his tweet âkeep the hope aliveâ. Obviously that can be read as he just wants more work⊠or it can be read as, thereâs more coming, donât give up on them yet.
Above all else, itâs the crowd reaction. We know the âother teamâ thinks this is all to tee them up into their pairing, and hereâs my response to that:
One, itâs not. Because we know thatâs now what TPTB want. But two, if it is, I hope theyâre prepared for the mass exodus that takes place when all the people who DONâT want that pairing stop watching. And of course, those who do but donât get the version of it that they want because RG and OS donât want to play it the way the fandom thinks it should.
Iâm not above saying that if they made them canon, I donât think Iâd stick around. It doesnât serve the story, it spits in the face of what RG has been trying to communicate for years about himself and Hispanic men in general, and especially on the heels of this, it would feel dirty.
Anyway, I rambled on on this far longer than I meant to. Oops!
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So I saw someone mention Namy Gaga on here and... well, if you want more context, I'm more than happy to provide links (to videos by Biotex Racoon on Youtube - overall they do a good job at detailing credible information regarding Namy's actions (English subtitles are needed btw)) for more context:
Part 1: https://youtu.be/tYptunXswYI?si=omEUyuajQwhUUZK7
Part 2.1: https://youtu.be/sjwFO6v8j84?si=dqvPyc5ourgKjGYo
Part 2.2: https://youtu.be/hOsdtXk4P_U?si=aSNa9cye6qUarQUi
Part 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcrRkJPeQKg
I'm actually surprised not enough people are aware of her actions, which is actually worrying to me given that she still has her online platforms (Youtube, Deviantart, Tumblr, Insta, Cara, Twitter, etc.) despite the hurt she has caused.
The reason why I'm not showing images/evidence for some of her actions on here is because I want to maintain my anonymity for my own safety (since Namy has had a history of harassing her critics and manipulating her fanbase to harass those who publicly bring awareness to her behaviour) and Tumblr doesn't allow you to share images in an anonymous ask.
If you want a summary of some of the more egregious things she's done, I'll quickly provide one below (with the appropriate disclaimers and content warnings for any readers ofc).
SOME DISCLAIMERS/NOTES:
TO ANYONE READING THIS: Please DO NOT send harassment to either Namy or anyone else involved.
TO ANYONE READING THIS: Please DO NOT contact/harass Namyâs current partner or any of her family as, to my knowledge, they have no involvement in the incidents Iâll be discussing.
TO ANYONE READING THIS: Two things can be true at once. Namy should be held accountable for her actions regardless of her LGBTQ+ experiences AND invalidating/disrespecting the identities of Namy and those involved (her victims included) is bad and sets an awful precedent when it comes to cases like this.
Namy was born in October 1998 and currently lives in Mexico (as per her DeviantArt bio).
At the time the majority of the incidents that Iâll discuss were documented (2015-2024), Namy had been very open about her lesbian identity and a lot of her work features LGBTQ+ characters and relationships (mostly those under the sapphic umbrella). As of me writing this, she still identifies as lesbian/sapphic (âI still like women, I have a sexual and romantic preference for feminine traits, I don't care if the person is a trans girl, an androgynous person or a genderless person or many, as long as they look feminine, I like itâ).
For the majority of her online presence, Namy identified as a cis woman, but explored androgynous gender expression (e.g. fashion) in ~2022-2023. As of August 2024, Namy opened up about being genderfluid. While Namy still prefers âshe/herâ (which I will be using here), she doesnât mind being referred to as a guy.
Some of the controversies Namy has been involved in have been omitted from this ask, either because they were caused by a genuine misunderstanding, were resolved privately, were just blown out of proportion by some people to justify harassment, and/or will take focus away from the more concerning incidents should I discuss them here.
When discussing some individuals, certain details have be changed/omitted to respect their privacy and to prevent further harassment.
Despite the substantial evidence supporting the testimonies of those she hurt, I regrettably need to state that, until Namy has been trialled and convicted in a court of law, she is innocent until proven guilty (that, however, is a legal disclaimer and should not be misconstrued as me dismissing the aforementioned evidence).Â
As a FNAF fan since mid-2019, I used to be a casual fan of Namyâs FNAF AU from that time up until mid-2022 (when I first found out about some of the more egregious things sheâs done, including what happened to one of her victims) - this is why I know a bit about her AU story and how closely tied the development of it was to the incidents Iâll discuss (essentially tarnishing the legacy of that AU).
While I will give Namy a SMALL benefit of the doubt that she has changed from certain behaviours and mindsets (e.g. transphobia), no amount of âwanting to changeâ will exempt her from being responsible for the hurt she caused to her victims and any legal consequences that she will have to face for that.
CONTENT WARNING FOR MENTIONS OF:
Predatory/abusive relationships
Inappropriate and illegal/immoral NSFW artwork
Queerphobia including but NOT limited to:
Transphobic remarks
Fetishisation/harmful depictions of bisexual women (in a fictional context in her FNAF AU, but still has worrying implications)
Distasteful remarks regarding ace and pan people
Potentially harmful depictions of sexual abuse and mental health struggles experienced by LGBTQ+ characters (again, in her FNAF AU)
Harassment including but NOT limited to doxxing, sexual harassment, and spreading misinformation
Manipulative behaviours
Using slurs as a means of deriding those with genuine criticisms/concerns
Basically, here is the summary:
Namy has had a long history of creating NSFW artwork condoning/romaticising incest (e.g. one of the romantic pairings in her FNAF AU being of Circus Baby/Brenda and her adoptive mother Ballora/Roselle) and the sexualisation of teenagers/children (e.g. her infamous TOH comic), some of which date back as far as 2014/2015. As of 2024, she claimed that she has removed those pieces from all of her NSFW platforms, but as of me writing this, they're all still up on her Baraag account.
She has swung between condemning and supporting Shadman and his drawings (if you know, you know) whenever it was most convenient for her, claiming that he was one of her inspirations when it came to drawing NSFW artwork herself from a very young age.
In 2018, Namy harassed another FNAF AU creators (Ed00chan), claiming that her FNAF AU was better and making a couple of what I can only describe as harassment drawings (both of which are still on her Deviantart (https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/Pero-ke-Mrd-es-esto-NO-706449559) and one of which included the AUs of other artists who I doubt supported her harassment in any way (https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/FNAFNG-What-did-you-say-753972002)).
Namy has had a history of being incredibly immature and spiteful towards her critics (not the trolls, I mean those who had genuine concerns about her behaviour). In response to getting kicked out of a Welcome Home Facebook fan group in May 2023, she accused the admins of homophobia (essentially using her identity as a shield) when they were actually concerned about the safety of the other members. In the years prior to this, she had used multiple slurs to refer to her critics, such as "gringo" (a derogatory Latin Spanish term for anyone who is a foreigner, regardless of someone's skin colour or ethnic/cultural background), the n-word, and the r-slur.
In July 2023 (around the time something VERY important happened that I'll discuss later on), Namy made a Tumblr account and made two posts mocking her critics. She has since repurposed it as an ask blog, but that blog was still intended to be used to harass her critics.
In 2015, she made a post on Twitter arguing that medical transition and gender-affirming surgery was a pointless endeavour for trans and gender-diverse people, telling those who have had surgery to get a refund and calling them the latin Spanish equivalent of the f-slur (that screenshot may still be circulating on Tumblr).
In 2018, Namy made an infamous "meme comic" gatekeeping LGBTQ+ experiences (i.e. according to her logic, exploring and coming to terms with your sexuality/gender is a 'decision' and that her advice is 'the most correct') - warning that some of the comments underneath this post are pretty confronting: https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/LGBT-Correct-answer-Meme-757868018
In the years to follow, she has been criticised by LGBTQ+ people for a number of things including but not limited to: making distasteful comments about two pansexual characters from her FNAF AU (see in the description of this post (https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/FNAFNG-Pride-Month-11-881475230) and Namy's response to one of the comments of this post (https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/FNAFNG-Pride-Month-14-966150705)), ignoring the fact that ace and a-spec people can have relationships (translated from one of her Twitter posts in 2021: "As long as a character may be able to feel love, they have the right to have a partner"), pairing bisexual women characters in her FNAF AU with incest jokes (the adoptive daughter of Chica and Stacy/Toy Chica: https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/FNAFNG-Photo-album-926228818) and incestuous relationships (Circus Baby/Brenda), pairing Brenda's bisexuality and her trauma from sexual abuse (which she also fetishised in this censored drawing: https://www.deviantart.com/namyg/art/FNAFNG-Freakenda-begins-ECCHI-880842769) with said incestuous relationship without any level of sensitivity or consideration, and tagging an NSFW artwork of Poppy Partridge (a trans woman) from Welcome Home as "futanari" (a hentai genre that has been heavily criticised for fetishising trans and intersex bodies).
On two separate occasions, Namy engaged in predatory, abusive (emotionally and sexually) relationships with 16-17 year-old individuals. One of these relationships took place in 2019-2020 (Evan, a trans man who Namy dated prior to his transition - after their relationship ended, Namy would misgender and deadname him behind his back) and the other in 2020-2021 (Mely) - both of which while Namy was in her early 20s and completely aware of their ages (blackmailing Mely into keeping her age a secret).
As per their testimonies, both Evan and Mely experienced emotional/sexual abuse, romantic grooming, and manipulation from Namy. Biotex's new video details Namy specifically did to them both (warning for some of it can be incredibly distressing to read/hear about).
Namy has defended both of these relationships, even falsifying Mexican laws to downplay how illegal these relationships are (despite the fact that the ages of consent in most provinces in Mexico, including her own, is 18 - and that Mexico does not have "Romeo and Juliet laws").Â
After Mely cut ties with Namy, Namy allegedly continued to harass her, especially in her comments on the former's Facebook posts. In July 2023, Mely - who had come out about her experiences publicly in September 2022 - filed a lawsuit against Namy (yet to be resolved as of me writing this).
In response, Namy doxxed Mely's full legal name in a video addressing the lawsuit (which has since been deleted) and lied about the relationship, inciting her fanbase to harass Mely. This harassment worsened in December 2023, when Namy released a Google Drive attempting to paint herself as innocent and to victim-blame Mely. The Drive in question has been privated as of me writing this, but it contained screenshots and other evidence confirming that love-bombing and sexual coercion/exploitation among others were involved in this relationship (meaning they could easily be used in to support the victimâs testimony in a court of law).
Namy continues to victim-blame both Evan and Mely, despite privating the Google Drive and claiming to have apologised to both victims.
Since Biotex's newest video came out, there was a third victim (Zoe, who was one of Namy's voice actors for her FNAF AU animations since 2017 (when she was 16)) of Namy's behaviour and who knows how many others she's hurt! Even with the potential argument that Namy had no intent to have a romantic relationship with Zoe, that doesn't ignore the fact that, during 2017, Namy initiated sexually-charged conversations with Zoe, talked about ideas for NSFW art, and requested audio from Zoe to which she responded by saying that Zoe had a "sexy voice".
Thank you for reading.
.
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tfw when you write an entire novel with two protagonists that spent the entire plot getting closer to each other, becoming best friends and eventually both of them deciding they would rather die than allow the other to not live a long, fulfilling life, their friendship carrying most of the emotional weight of the entire plot and the emotional climax being one of them sacrificing his life so the other can live and then the other crossing literal universes to find him, a tearful smile in his face as he confesses how much he missed him. which is the scene you wanted to write and show the most because, again, this is the pay off to the slowburn you've been writing in the entire novel and what everything has been building up to since the very first chapter. and then you end the novel by having them share a smile, finally confident they'll be able to have a happy future.
but you also just gotta have one of them marry offscreen because everyone knows you can't be happy if you're not in a het marriage with kids lmao it's whatever it's okay i'm fiNE-
#i talk a lot <3#the greatest estate developer#lloyd frontera#this post was going to be so much more bitter this is me being nice akjshdkahdk#i just....... i'm sad alsjdsjkal#and i don't think i'm wrong to be. like i'm not disapointed bc i don't actually expected lloyd and javier to be together#i'm not that optimistic lmao#but i did have the hope tged would have no romance#because lloyd and javier were already doing so much in the emotional and relationship development front of the plot#that adding romance just feels. awkward. like an aside. an add-on that affects none of the plot and is just there to make sure#no one accidentally gets confused and think those two are in love#and guess what! most of the romance does happen in literal side stories! literally an add-on that does nothing for the plot! i hate it!#it's the heteronormativity and amatonormativity of it all :/#do i think it would've been cool for llojavi to be canon? absolutely! do i think it was necessary for the plot? nope!#they were already perfect the way they are! their friendship is the core of the entire plot and their relationship to each other#is what ultimately moves much of the plot in the latter half!#which is the way relationships should work in fiction! not just have them for the sake of having them!#lloyd didn't need a romantic subplot because the plot was already working perfectly without it!#also what's the point of having a character constantly think about what their idea of 'happy life' is if you're not going to challenge it#it's about the hero's journey of it all!!!#i have things to say dang it!#javier asrahan#tged
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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vent incoming:
got my grades back for my courses last semester and most of it was to be expected, mostly A's, maybe an A-, etc. but i honestly can't get over the fact that my independent study (the buddy cole documentary) was for some reason given a B. like sure getting a B isn't bad per se, I usually get at least one B every semester and i honestly don't really care about what my exact gpa is as long as i can graduate, but come on. this school put me through months of psychological torment over this project and didn't even have the nerve to give me a B+??? i'm still coping with the self-doubt they forced on me and this bullshit is not helping!!
#honestly it's kind of hilarious ngl. especially bc i also got my documentary work counted as an independent study the previous semester#and the previous semester even tho i barely worked on the doc itself#(mostly just planning and putting together the crowdfunding which was still a lot of work but like compare it to the past few months)#they were willing to give me an A (my school doesn't do A+ so this is the highest mark possible)#vs this semester. like i'll admit my final assignment was late and could have been more polished#but i was literally on tour in documentary-mode 24/7 for several weeks. i filmed an entire comedy special! i put together a live interview!#not to mention having to fucking negotiate with my own college censoring the footage they'd promised me of an event i put together#and play nice with a professor who literally outed me on twitter in an attempt to cancel one of my best friends#at this point the ''B'' feels more like a petty grudge than anything else#like ok we can't get away with *actually* fucking over jessamine's grades bc clearly ze did do the work. but let's just give zir a B#like i will admit the audio quality in my final isn't great. and i could have used more polished footage in some sections#but counterpoint: 100+ students were arrested at a protest while i was editing and i was having a mental breakdown#the fact that i finished *anything* is goddamn impressive especially after they essentially conditioned me to hate myself any time i was#working on a project i loved!!!#due to the aforementioned student arrests my college did put out an option where we could change any letter grade this semester to pass/fai#so anything passing wouldn't impact our gpa if we didn't want it to. so i could just change the B to a ''pass''#but really what's the point. ''B'' is still a good grade and my GPA is fine (3.65 on a 4.0 grading scale. 2.0 is required to graduate)#it just sucks that after what i went through last semester i feel like nobody takes it seriously#i was reminiscing earlier about how it's honestly kind of funny how after that professor outed me on twitter#i was at the hotel with scott like an hour later sobbing and having an existential crisis about my relationship to gender#and scott was so supportive but also awkwardly being like#''i know i should offer the crying child a tissue but where the fuck are the tissues in this room what do i do''#and he just handed me a full-on towel instead like oh my god he was trying his best but also so clearly out of his depth#but of course i then had to remember how when i told that story to a different professor to be like ''this is how much scott cares about me#this guy called me fucking UNPROFESSIONAL for crying in front of the subject of my documentary?????????#like yeah maybe so but how DARE you call me unprofessional when a different professor tweeted my full name and gender without my consent#in an attempt to fucking cancel one of my friends for ''misgendering'' me for using pronouns i'm fine with him using!!!#i don't think i'm ever going to be able to forgive my college and i don't know how i'll be able to get through one more semester#that experience genuinely changed things about my psychology that i'm not proud of and i need to work through#so if i have to miss a goddamn kids in the hall event because i have class this november i am going to set something on fire
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it sucks that shitty fans have made it impossible to celebrate canon queer relationships that they don't like and seem to have an influence on which ones get attention on social media. it sucks that it seems like no matter how much tim says he ignores fandom, it stills get to him. it sucks that oliver refuses to stand up for his costars when they're being harassed. it sucks that antis feel like they have the power to ruin good things for other people because they don't gain anything from it. it sucks that we all already knew this would happen because this show never changes no matter what network it's on.
#going back and forth between if i should just take a break from this show again#my excitement has been completely sucked out after the break up sure but especially after the reaction to the break up#fandom isnt fun because the fans are fucking evil and annoying about everything. the show isn't going in any direction.#grrr idk I shouldn't have expected more but canon bi buck really made me feel like we weren't going back to the days#of one dimensional love interests and storylines that go in circles#we'll see if i watch on thursday. im off so i can tune in at any point.#i want to see buck grieve this relationship in a respectful way but honestly at this point would be be respectful?#would they give buck room to breathe and let him work through his feelings? or will he mention he's kind of sad once and move on#because interviews are bullshit like always so oliver referencing buck coping could just be one scene where he's a little down#they cant treat bisexuality with respect they cant give their characters what they need what the fuck can they do#i dont wanna stop watching this show because i've been here since forever i love it but if no one gets movement#what story am i watching? whats the plot? buck's story just becomes shallow and fans who like b/ddie and ONLY b/ddie#take it as a win because they can keep projecting their vision on to him because he says nothing to prove otherwise#so they just become blank cardboard cut outs of the kind of characters they actually are#i'm tired
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Greg has accidentally called Dare "Dad" at some point. That is canon, donât try to tell me it isnât because itâs 100% canon. It happened and I will not be told otherwise.
#fazbear frights greg#fazbear frights Darren#fazbear frights fetch#fetch#fazbear frights#fnaf fetch#FNAF Greg#fnaf books#fnaf novels#five nights at freddys#fnaf#fazbear frights greg and darren#Dare is Gregâs father figure. I will stand by that because itâs absolutely true#yâall do not get how much I love their dynamic#There should have been more about their relationship in the story because I need it so badly#part of the reason Iâve fixated on Fetch is because of THESE TWO!#No Iâm not okay I love them so much#theyâre so fricking cute. I canât with them#SOMEONE gimme content with them PLEASE. this is not up for debate.#and someone just start creating content with Darren in general because heâs one of my favourite minor characters#rambling#local autistic cries over wholesome uncle-nephew relationship in a FNAF book#please help meâ
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