#the fact that i finished *anything* is goddamn impressive especially after they essentially conditioned me to hate myself any time i was | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

magentagalaxies · 6 months ago

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vent incoming:

got my grades back for my courses last semester and most of it was to be expected, mostly A's, maybe an A-, etc. but i honestly can't get over the fact that my independent study (the buddy cole documentary) was for some reason given a B. like sure getting a B isn't bad per se, I usually get at least one B every semester and i honestly don't really care about what my exact gpa is as long as i can graduate, but come on. this school put me through months of psychological torment over this project and didn't even have the nerve to give me a B+??? i'm still coping with the self-doubt they forced on me and this bullshit is not helping!!

#honestly it's kind of hilarious ngl. especially bc i also got my documentary work counted as an independent study the previous semester #and the previous semester even tho i barely worked on the doc itself #(mostly just planning and putting together the crowdfunding which was still a lot of work but like compare it to the past few months)#they were willing to give me an A (my school doesn't do A+ so this is the highest mark possible)#vs this semester. like i'll admit my final assignment was late and could have been more polished #but i was literally on tour in documentary-mode 24/7 for several weeks. i filmed an entire comedy special! i put together a live interview!#not to mention having to fucking negotiate with my own college censoring the footage they'd promised me of an event i put together #and play nice with a professor who literally outed me on twitter in an attempt to cancel one of my best friends #at this point the ''B'' feels more like a petty grudge than anything else #like ok we can't get away with *actually* fucking over jessamine's grades bc clearly ze did do the work. but let's just give zir a B #like i will admit the audio quality in my final isn't great. and i could have used more polished footage in some sections #but counterpoint: 100+ students were arrested at a protest while i was editing and i was having a mental breakdown #the fact that i finished *anything* is goddamn impressive especially after they essentially conditioned me to hate myself any time i was #working on a project i loved!!!#due to the aforementioned student arrests my college did put out an option where we could change any letter grade this semester to pass/fai #so anything passing wouldn't impact our gpa if we didn't want it to. so i could just change the B to a ''pass''#but really what's the point. ''B'' is still a good grade and my GPA is fine (3.65 on a 4.0 grading scale. 2.0 is required to graduate)#it just sucks that after what i went through last semester i feel like nobody takes it seriously #i was reminiscing earlier about how it's honestly kind of funny how after that professor outed me on twitter #i was at the hotel with scott like an hour later sobbing and having an existential crisis about my relationship to gender #and scott was so supportive but also awkwardly being like #''i know i should offer the crying child a tissue but where the fuck are the tissues in this room what do i do''#and he just handed me a full-on towel instead like oh my god he was trying his best but also so clearly out of his depth #but of course i then had to remember how when i told that story to a different professor to be like ''this is how much scott cares about me #this guy called me fucking UNPROFESSIONAL for crying in front of the subject of my documentary?????????#like yeah maybe so but how DARE you call me unprofessional when a different professor tweeted my full name and gender without my consent #in an attempt to fucking cancel one of my friends for ''misgendering'' me for using pronouns i'm fine with him using!!!#i don't think i'm ever going to be able to forgive my college and i don't know how i'll be able to get through one more semester #that experience genuinely changed things about my psychology that i'm not proud of and i need to work through #so if i have to miss a goddamn kids in the hall event because i have class this november i am going to set something on fire

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