#The things I do at 5am
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Sooooo..... The Hazbin Hotel brainrot got me at chokehold and in honour totally not of spite of this new revelation, I made a Rosie ask blog at 5am on a school night.
Anyways, y'all should check it out--
@cannibal-overlord-rosie
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#bystay#staysource#createskz#stray kids#skz#hyunjin#hwang hyunjin#mine:gifs#THE things i do for him .. gif in the dark at 5am
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can we talk more about avpd being a (proposed) schizospec disorder? because i almost never see that theory talked about but i wish it was. like…
avpd makes me censor my thoughts because i think someone might hear what i’m thinking and see what a horrible person i am on the inside or judge me for thinking embarrassing things.
avpd makes me so afraid of someone walking in on me doing something i Shouldn’t Be Doing that my brain twists background noise into the sounds of whispers and footsteps behind me.
avpd makes me so worried about people staring at me that in my peripheral vision, anyone near me looks like they’re already staring at me, and it’s only when i look at them directly that i realize they’ve been looking in a totally different direction the whole time.
avpd makes me so convinced of how much everyone must secretly hate me that i often start thinking everyone secretly wants to hurt me too, to the point where i’ve had panic attacks from a person walking too close behind me because i feel like they’re getting ready to attack me (when i haven’t had any kind of trauma that would create that fear), and the paranoia just serves to reinforce my need to avoid people.
avpd makes me lose my ability to speak or reduces it to nothing more than one word answers only when spoken to, turning the thoughts i wanted to express into a jumble that’s impossible to turn into words or just throwing them away completely and making my mind go blank, so i end up just staring at people silently or even acting like i don’t see them standing there at all (not on purpose but because my brain won’t let me engage with them).
avpd makes me look damn near emotionless around everyone but my safe person (and sometimes even around my safe person) because showing my emotions would be far too vulnerable for its liking, so it completely takes away my ability to express them.
and i could keep going! there are so many things i experience because of avpd that i’ve seen really closely reflected in the experiences of schizospec people. i don’t know how common these kinds of things are in avpd overall, but they’re a really prominent part of my experience with it, so when i found out that some research suggested it could be considered a schizospec disorder itself, that made so much sense to me! and i’d be so curious to see how many other avoidants have dealt with this stuff but haven’t talked about it because it’s never mentioned as being part of avpd.
#this post was brought to you from the Looking Over My Shoulder Frozen In Fear Because Of The Whispers™️ position#which is. quite a common position for me#im honestly kinda nervous to post this bc i feel like somebody’s gonna be like ‘thats not avpd!’ or ‘thats not schizospec stuff!’#but oh well. that’s just how it is on the internet#i also feel a little weird about the wording bc i don’t really see avpd as an outside force that Makes Me do things#but it’s 5am and im too tired to think of a better way to say it#poss.speaks#discussion#avpd#actually avpd#actually avoidant#avoidant pd#avoidant personality disorder#cluster c#schizospec#schizophrenia spectrum#schizo spectrum#schizotaxic
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Songs sung in T voices? You mean just regular male voices because trans men are men
imagine being so miserable that you see a post about trans joy and pride in transmasculinity and the first thing you think is “i’m going to find a way to see this as transphobia instead”.
i have a t voice. my voice is distinctly different from most cis men’s voices in a way that a lot of other trans people’s voices are distinctly different after being on t. a lot of us have voices with a unique quality to them. the claim that me, a trans man with a t voice, talking about voices like mine somehow implies that my own gender isn’t real…is just fucking wild, honestly.
i think t voices are BEAUTIFUL. i love them so much, having my own voice sound like that was genuinely one of the things i was the most excited about when i started t because to me, that voice is the kind i heard when i watched videos made by other trans guys that taught me about what was possible for me and met other trans guys irl for the first time and got advice on transitioning or just life from them. it’s such a comforting sound and so important to me.
nothing about recognizing that distinctive quality implies that trans men aren’t real men. i have a t voice just like i have a deep voice, a quiet voice, a tonally expressive voice — it’s just a descriptor for one of many things that can make a voice unique. my voice is a “male voice” and it’s also a t voice because i’m a man whose voice has been affected by going on t in a distinctive way. the two aren’t in any way at odds with each other.
if i described my chest as a post-op chest, would you come into my inbox saying “you mean just a regular male chest?” i have a feeling you probably wouldn’t because on some level, even you get that talking about unique parts of living in a trans body doesn’t invalidate who we are. it’s fine if you personally wouldn’t want to describe your voice that way because it makes you dysphoric or isn’t applicable to your voice or isn’t as meaningful to you, but that doesn’t mean it’s morally incorrect for me to do so.
trans bodies are wonderful. visible (or in this case, audible) transness is wonderful. it’s not a bad thing to have features that are distinctively trans, and having those features doesn’t make you less of a man. we don’t have to reject our transness or be exactly like cis men to be real men because cis manhood isn’t the gold standard, it’s just one of many ways to be a man.
(also, not everyone who goes on t is a trans man, so not every t voice is a male voice. it’s funny how the people who get mad at me for being proud of my t voice are always the same ones who have really gender essentialist and binaristic views on transitioning.)
so no, i don’t mean “regular male voices”, i mean fucking t voices because that was a post about unashamed in-your-face proud transmasculinity, not transmasculinity that tries to make itself indistinguishable from cis manhood. please keep your assimilationist bullshit away from my trans joy, thank you very much.
#if there is one thing i will do its sit here at 5am writing essays in response to angry anons#is it a good use of my time? idk. is it a cathartic one? you bet.#anon hate#examples of transandrophobia#transandrophobia#transandromisia#transmisandry#virilmisia#virilphobia#anti transmasculinity#transmascphobia#trans men#transmascs
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༉‧₊˚. — simon 'GHOST' riley; cooties.
warnings .: x reader, dad simon, afab ! reader, soso much fluff, unedited.
.: masterlist.
imagine simon’s daughter coming home with tears just running down her face, you’re trailing in behind and trying your best to hide your laugh as you console her.
“it’s just a myth, dear.”
but that only makes her cry harder, because she’s 7 and doesn’t know what the fuck a myth is. who is she supposed to believe…her loving mother who raised her and has never lied to her a day in her life, or the girl she’d met just an hour ago on the playground.
“it’s true!” she gasps out, wiping her wet cheeks with her palms, dramatically dragging her hands down her face as another sob wracked her tiny body.
you could only snicker silently as you brushed away baby hairs that clung to her cheeks. frankly, you didn’t know what to say; you’d tried everything to help your daughter and ease her of this new world ending conflict.
simon’s on immediate alert, normally he’s welcomed home with kisses and hugs and bottomless babbles about pointless things. hearing his baby’s loud cry followed by her quick and urgent footsteps makes him panic and his mind instantly goes to the worst.
hurriedly, simon makes his way down the stairs nearly breaking his neck when he trips over a stray toy — but he manages to grab the banister before falling to his death and peaks into the living room.
you’re sitting on the couch with her cradled in your arms, a tender and gentle shush whispered off of your lips as you untangle knots in her hair. your attempts to calm her down don’t, she’s as stubborn as her father, if not more.
“what’s going on, sweet pea?” simon asks, treading carefully as he inches closer to you, his eyes clouded with a mix of worry and question.
before he can sit down, the girl in your arms shrieks so loud he can hear it ringing in his temple. wincing at the loud intrusion, simon watches as his daughter shoots from your arms all the way across the living room, her back pressed to the wall and eyes wide with what seems to be horror.
now simon’s afraid, is there something on his face? did he forget to shave? is he even simon?
you only snort behind your palm, furrowing your eyebrows and returning back to your playful yet serious expression. “go on, babygirl. tell dad what she said.”
his heart is hammering in his chest now, what did she say — who are you talking about?
and he doesn’t know if that scream altered him deaf but all he can see is her lips moving. the sound of your quiet giggles calms him though, and you have to ask her to say it again.
“she said boys have cootie!” she screams, looking horrified — looking at her dad as if he’d grown a third head and eaten all of her halloween candy.
simon begins to open his mouth to say something, something along the lines of “who fuckin’ told ya that.” although the more he thinks it over he’s compelled to play into the roll. he pauses for a moment, concentrated on weighing out the pros and cons.
on one hand, it breaks his heart to see his girl avoiding him like this. going to the edge of the earth just to distance herself from him. crying out because her world is shattered, her dad? having cooties? what nonsense.
on the other hand. simon’s been hearing about this ‘jack’ boy that she’s been in love with on the playground, he even proposed to her with a fucking stick. his daughter can do better than that. and hell, she’s too young to be dating, she doesn’t even know her alphabet!
so with some quick thinking a small smile paints his lips, he opens his arms and watches as she hesitantly takes a step forward. his heart leaps at that, she’s willing to catch a fake disease of cooties just for a daily hug from her father.
“boys do have cooties, but not me, see this?” he reaches inside of his shirt and pulls out the dog tag that hangs around his neck, he gives it a nice tug and smiles a bit. “it’s cootie-repellent.”
another step, hesitant but slowly the small girl is inching away from the wall and closer to the awaiting arms of her dad. “r-really?” she asks, a hiccup following her shaky breath as she calms down.
simon only nods, he’s grateful that your daughter isn’t one to question much. a hard believer in anything she hears, to this day she still believes that fairy’s live in the freezer. he’s not sure what story he would make up if she began questioning him, maybe something with fairies. they were always his go to.
“y’want it?” simon begins to take the necklace off, holding it out to her. shes just an arms reach away, but she’s curious.
“yes.” she mumbles, her heartbroken expression from moments ago turning into that beaming smile that warms simon’s chest. “i’ll give it to jack!”
simon stills. fuck. no way was he going to lose his girl this soon. “nuh uh.” he laughs, quickly tucking the chain back under his shirt and pulling his daughter into his chest.
you watch as he ruffles her hair, her muffled screams falling onto deaf ears as she squirms and punches her dad, begging for him to let go. simon only tightens his arms around the flailing girl, peppering kisses all over tear stained face, watching her once glossy eyes crinkle with joy at her dad’s affection.
thank god for cooties.
#[ ˚୨୧⋆。˚ ⋆ — 𝐒𝐈𝐀 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐒. ]#do 7 year olds know the alphabet#?!??!?!#silly lil thing i wrote at 5am#( 𝐒𝐈𝐌𝐎𝐍 𝐑𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐘 ᡣ𐭩 ྀིྀ )#simon riley x reader#simon riley#dad simon#cod#call of duty
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getting around to pearl’s double life pov. she is making me cry chat (i’m only 2 episodes in)
i’ll do an actual design eventually. this is mostly emotion + not wanting to think. hence eye
#the most fucked up scruckly art for the most fucked up skruckly character#i misspelled that but it fits even more tbh#i’m literally just doing ANYTHING with colors atp man idk#here have rusty skin. who cares#also when i watch life series i don’t tend to think of them as seperate characters from the cc that much tbh#except this#my autistic ass HAS to remind myself it is a character. this one is a character. it is a character.#pearl and scott and martin and ren are all friends. look at them in other videos yaaaayyy friends!!! such so happy friends so friendly happy#double life pearl is breaking my heart#i’m glad she kills everyone LMAO i went in knowing 1 thing#and now im actually happy i spoiled 5am pearl for myself#pearlescentmoon#life series#double life#art
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Shaun Evans interview in The Times today
#shaun evans#he wakes up at 5am?? could not be me#anyway it’s quite interesting#he always seems so lovely in interviews#he also confirms he has a girlfriend <3#I won’t have time to transcribe unfortunately so if someone else wants to go ahead please#also mandatory ‘I don’t buy the times but my parents do’ disclaimer. I hate the times’ stance on many things#particularly their hatred of trans women
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hey guys just a little heads up if you rb my posts with long detailed rape and gore fantasies about minors in the tags you will be getting blocked and also i hope you explode. just so you guys know
#imagine waking up at 5am for work and the first thing you see is a little piece of hell in your notifs. I DO NOT HAVE TO IMAGINE!!!!!!!!#if you INSIST on being a fucking freak PLEASE make a separate post so OP doesn't see that shit in their notifs. and again please explode#i'm luckily not someone sensitive to triggers but imagine someone who is and might have a lot of trauma getting that shit in their notifs#seriously fucked up#me.txt#non figure#cw sa mention#sa mention cw#sa mention //#sa mention#cw rape mention#rape mention cw#rape mention //#rape mention
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Would I be able to straighten out the errors and mistakes and save all of us? I didn't grasp the depth and weight of this question. It was true that I desperately wanted to save all of us. No one deserves to die, to despair, to be suppressed, and to be despised. On top of that, they were my friends. We might've had our flaws and scars and have been twisted up and distorted. We might've been nobodies. But we were alive. - Seokjin – 2 May Year 22 HYYH; THE NOTES
#creations#gifs#kpop#hyyh#bangtan#bts#seokjin#namjoon#yoongi#hoseok#taehyung#jimin#jungkook#found an old set i made for this Universe in the depths of my tumblr nd it looked Disgusting so;; here is a remake#adding the grain was a choice but also kind of a choice i am regretting its rly too late to change it tho its almost 5am im not going back#back being in photoshop#i still hav not read the 2nd book of this that will b a Thing to do soon i need to find it somewhere#whatever enjoy i tried to choose each duos fruitiest scenes and also bc jin taehyung and jk all kno whats going On in the timey wimey scene#they get special fourth wall breaking privileges in this set and in the universe#whatever enjoy god knows how these will look on mobile be kind tumblr mobile ive always been nice to u (lie)
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I feel like nothing good in my life ever lasts
so whats the point of trying if everything is always temporary
#bpd#bpd vent#bpd thoughts#1 am thoughts#2am thoughts#3am thoughts#4am thoughts#sadgirl#love#sad thoughts#self isolation#unloved#im unloveable#unlovable#i feel empty#i feel unworthy#i feel so unloveable#feeling unloved#feeling unwanted#feeling bad#girlblogging#why am i like this#why#why do i do this to myself#why does this keep happening#why do i do these things#why do i even bother#5am thoughts#mitski#poem
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How sinful I am for craving you so feverishly, yet not being able to defeat the desire to own you within my skin, the every inch of it— You have me, lord. Ever present and never run away. It’s not like you’d ever allow me to. But you will, Uhtred, one day, when the time I’m no longer meant for this world comes. For no fires on this middle-earth can escape the fate of dying and ceasing, and I know love is to be one of its kinds. Then I shall pray, my lord, to all Gods, that may that fire consume us before it does.
INPRNT
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Btw yesterday was my birthday and my friend drew me this HELP
*explaining my mental state brilliantly*
#ok i think i need to do some studies of dd’s face because i feel like I’m reaching to a point that#you can perhaps tell I’m drawing alfred (i hope so) but if I don’t tag anything probably no one will recognize it’s dd lol#does that even make sense#well same thing happens to uhtred i guess drawing is hard *sighs*#cannot bring myself to like this piece but it’s 5am god help me#the last kingdom#tlk alfred#alfred x uhtred#uhtred x alfred#uhtred#king alfred#alhtred#alfred the great#hikaruchen#hikaru tlk
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fast sketch for today💓💓
#god these two are so cute will I ever stop drawing them ????#NO😤😤#anyways I am so tired today😭🙏#woke up at 5am & I’ve drank so much coffee!!#I have a lot of work this afternoon so I wanted to take advantage of my morning#deep cleaned/ran errands/walked the goblins#I’m about to exercise and idk why but I decided I’ve been too lazy about things lately#and I’m pushing myself so much with lifting these days I am SO SORE#(but like the good type of sore)#I just want my thighs to be more muscular 😭😭😭😭😭 lots of squats deadlift bulgarians hip thrust etc etc etc#at least I know by next week I will already see the results 🙏🙏 then I’ll be lazy again until they fade 😭#I have never managed to be obsessive about exercise or really enjoy it I just do the bare minimum to stay healthy#and hopefully my body will thank me as I get older#bc my job is so physical that I really need to take care of things or I could really mess things up for the future#tbh I’ve always noticed that tattoo artists always lift a lot🤝🤝#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#imelda reyes#poppy sweeting#imelda reyes x poppy sweeting
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3 hours of fishing and he doesnt even know if he can eat the damn thing
#IF YOU KNOW WHERE THE FISH IS FROM. UHH. YEA#babys first ff15 art. i like noctis#bitch is constantly so tired but his fav thing to do is fishing?? FISHING???? as if that doesnt clash with his mood at all#dragging himself out of bed at 5am looking the crankiest youve ever seen him but inside hes all “yippee!!! fishing!! fishing!!!”#yea. thisll be my last peep on here for a while because i have finals next week! wish me luck or dont#ff15#✨scratchpad#final fantasy 15#final fantasy xv#ffxv#ff15 noctis#ffxv noctis#noctis lucis caelum#noctis caelum#so many fucking tags god
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Stellaron Hunter Kafka
#honkai star rail#honkai star rail kafka#hsr kafka#fan art#digital art#digital drawing#hsr#I sacrificed the last of my sad excuse of sleeping schedule for this piece#regards I finished this up around 5am this morning#things I do for wife (Kafka Honkai Star Rail)
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iron / heart
Part of LoL Esports Elemental Series.
#lolelements#lol esports#t1 faker#t1 oner#t1 zeus#t1 gumayusi#t1 keria#skt bang#skt wolf#skt bengi#skt kkoma#warning: MAJOR yapping incoming below#thinking about still here.mp3 and 'gripping with my cold hands the shapes i used to take'#'it could all end here with the strange daylight caught in our eyes'#'my shadow stretching out through all the things i left behind'#opening ceremony+t1 has everything they need to put me on a stretcher to ER#images from lol esports flickr (2016 worlds either finals or semis i goofed and forgot)#(and msi 2024 brackets features and worlds 2024 semis features)#there is a universe where i collected more pics and put a bit more thought into which word should go to who#but that universe also involves me doing this at a time that is not 5am#this is my last one probably twas lots of fun but new things on the horizon for me#this post is scheduled to post on finals day but just know that i am awake and shitting my pants over worlds finals#then recovery period and then im shifting into arcane mode#being completely deranged is a full time commitment never let anyone tell you otherwise#lil pat on the back for myself for successfully posting one per day til finals EVEN if they were sorta mediocre or dupes hahaha#special thanks to t1 for making it to semis because if they didn't there's a chance i would have lost steam LMAO#work school and the physical need for sleep work hard#but the esports demons in my brain work harder
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✨‼️WITCH KLAUS. SPIRITUAL KLAUS. FUCKING MYSTIC BABY LOOK AT HIM GO KLAUS ‼️✨
i kinda feel like screeching
goddamn. my actual soul started pulsing when I saw this. I'm here for some good old fashioned occult shit honestly. summoning people, perhaps reading futures.
look at him do his thing. no hand tattoos but we can't have everything in like.
who is he talking too? god he looks good. love it. love him.
I was fed and put to bed with a kiss on my little head
#the umbrella academy#tua#umbrella academy#klaus hargreeves#umbrella academy klaus#tua klaus#tua s4#my baby klaus#spiritual Klaus hargreeves#he's back on his groove. hes doing his things#wow man#i was so happy with this#im actually a bit lost for words because ive been lost for sleep#happy 5am everyone#love klaus and love this#seriously though what is happening in this picture. whos is he summoning#also where is he?
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