#The chat is really bad - trust me
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gay theatre kid older brother bayshine. do you see the vision.
edit: part two yall
#he is damien from mean girls to me#hes so silly chat do you understand#this is who hes supposed to be i do not care what the authors say#i wanna draw him more so bad#i have really good opinions trust#art#drawing#digital art#warriors#warrior cats#a starless clan#asc#wc asc#wc#bayshine#bayshine warriors#bayshine warrior cats#nightheart#nightheart warriors#nightheart warrior cats#trans nightheart#headcanons#headcanon#warriors headcanons#warriors headcanon
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they really did this to me huh
#rays spoilers#rays talk#all my screaming about the epilogue on live went to a chat with v so i never really posted about it on here#(i also didn't want to spoil anything)#but MAN#julius referencing his lv10 trust skit#knowing he was at the verge of death since before canon starts#(you can see him clutching the wrist of the catalyzed hand while ludger's being evaluated in an uncomfortable/pain gesture)#elle saying what she does#and how we know victor and ludger being able to be alive at the same time#is the one thing that'd not happen in the canon not even in a million years#and ludger who (as i interpreted it at least but i could be wrong)#is reassuring elle but at the same time worrying that he didn't know about julius' and everyone's suffering#the way he words it reminds me of both victor's entry in the short story (「世界の真実」)#and the bad end summary saying he never knew how much julius went through for him (「ずっと俺のために傷ついていたユリウス」 vs rays' 「兄さんたちの苦しみを……」)#alt milla and victor don't speak but#man everyone in this screenshot fucking dies#how am i going to send any of them back#x2 talk
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Living on the precipice of sanity
#VeluVerse#SWTOR#SWTOR Art#VeluArt#OC: Tahr'rys#OC: Neongard#Dromund Kaas#Is this only a phenomenon on Tulak Hord or is the Dromund chat everywhere so “special”?#This is a shitpost I think#Neo mocks me with my stronghold choice#The chat is really bad - trust me#other people's ocs
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'doing more than just listening to "the cure" (sid y nancyboy)'
i've wanted to kill myself as long as
i've known what it is.
the feeling is still there,
but when you're pressed against me,
all i want to do is
live and die with you;
you give my life temporary purpose,
like when you explained to me
where all the best places to do it are....
-
i've made my vow:
i won't kill myself without trying to fuck you
first.
you make this life worth living,
for now,
but what about later on, when,
when...?
-
el partido de waiting.
el partido de waiting es
sin fin....
no necesito 'con'
('trickery; deceit')
fin.
sin 'con' fin....
-
i never want you to outlive me,
but, at the same time, i know i couldn't live without you.
there is a simple fix,
the tried and true 'cure' to all of this,
and it involves the most vicious
and viscous of kids...:
me y senor CON fin.
this isn't throwing my life away;
it's laying down,
gently,
to sleep, to dream
in your hands.
el partido de us,
sid y nancyboy,
con fin.
- ellie revenge
helpful resource link for anyone struggling with suicidal thoughts.
and another.
i am simply expressing myself and my struggles here....
#i would recommend iamalive.org's help chat as another resource but i haven't used it in so long so i'm not sure how it is currently.#myevilposts#poetry#suicide tw#suggestive#sid vicious and nancy spungen like the real people. yes.#high - the cure#iswsifobaaigwtsswam - fob#hamlet - shakespeare#trust - prince#this isn't like. especially romanticizing bc i'm supposed to be distressing the reader but it's whatever.#(don't fear) the reaper - blue oyster cult#september 2024 - october 2024#some remnants date back to august 2024 but this specific document of collected ideas dates back to september.#some of the refs in this that i daren't name are really really bad and evil of me but it's whatever.#he knows my heart is true.
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okay but I am genuinely so unwell about numbers and dates and ages and time and years etc. so I'm blaming all my bad luck on the number 23
#got so paranoid about it that i didn't talk to anyone for the last few weeks and i haven't applied for a job and i'm honestly not doing#anything until i'm safely 24#idk what 24's gonna be like but it's got a 4 in it so that's a good sign#but then again 14 had a 4 in it and that was a terrible age#but tbf it was a 4 + a 10 which is like. my fav number and my least fav number. so the year just malfunctioned#first 6 months good second 6 months bad#so 24 can fit two 10s but they're not as obvious. but it's a multiple of 4 so i trust it a bit more#4 x 6. idk my feelings on 6 but it's never really done anything too bad to me so yeah. 24 is the safe zone#i blame everything on the number 23 and also my friend's awful ex girlfriend#OKAY SO LIKE i was reading coronation street youtube comments the other day#and people were talking about how characters like terry duckworth and mike baldwin were kind of prats before but then they#had some significantly bad experience and after that they became Absolute prats#like basically what caused their villain origin stories#and i was like oh my god am i gonna turn out like them?? is my friend's ex girlfriend responsible for my villain arc??#and i have felt myself becoming more negative and unhappy and cynical and bitter over the past few months#and i was like fuckkkkkk no i can't enter my mike baldwin terry duckworth era#bc before whenever a remotely bad thing happened i would just disappear and go back to telling myself there is nothing good with the world#so like for every job i never got and for every time i put something in the group chat and no one replied and every time i made something#and no one cared about it i would just sink deeper into some hole of hatred at the world#i mean. the rsd. like I'd still react to stuff in that way when i was younger and happier but at least back then I'd also#wave at cool clouds and smile at people in public and be like ''fuck i woke up too early and now i Have to take a photo of the sunrise''#but now i don't do any of that I'm just some bitter cynical bitch who hates everything#so yeah. my 2024 resolution was to reclaim the whimsy i lost at the end of 2022. and so far it's not really going well but at least I'm not#23 anymore#ramble
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yet again i am trying to figure out how much to tell the counselor/therapist about how bad things are getting bc the considerations i must take into account include:
1) will i be put into the psych ward for this, and
2) will telling a professional actually help me, what kind of help would actually be available for this, and
3) are they going to give me more medications that don't actually address or fix the root of the problem while still giving me awful side effects that I'm just supposed to deal with and hopefully not end up in the hospital for
#i am going to try to not be around much on here but djfjdkdl that never happens for very long#on one hand i need to not be online bc it's fucking w my head a lot and im teetering close to an actual Episode#but on the other hand. i have no other sources of socializing other than the dbt group once a week#and socializing helps anchor me in reality but. it has to happen online. which fucks w my head bc im just holding this magic little device#and having to trust that theres an actual real person on the other side and that its not all just some made up program I'm talking to#esp w how ai is rn. even video chats could be made up!! i don't know!!!#but honestly even in person im getting a bad feeling like everyone is fake and im making this all up. so. ha. goody goody great for me :)))#also i am really sorry for staying so quiet about current events but i am struggling to avoid this possible psychotic episode#if i can get my shit under control then i will be looking into things more and helping spread info !!!#I'm just really struggling to keep my head firmly in reality rn and maybe that's not a good enough reason idk#but i just... really want to avoid being put into the psych ward or my parents catching wind of me having these reality issues fjfkdl#anyways wah wah poor me I know sorry. i promise i am trying to look at things when i can. hopefully i can engage soon#paranoia tw#delusions tw
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sometimes i think about the ask i got about making a tier of players who are alpha beta or omega
#im so sorry for getting asks and just posting without answering them 😭#im really bad at replying to anything this goes for irl too#so my friends will send me like columns of texts with no reply bcs i prefer to answer them in person to have smthin to chat abt#and they know but everyone else will probably think im a bad friend if they see our messages (my friends messages 90% of the chat me 10%)#I MEANT THIS AS I DO READ THEM TRUST ME I LOVE ASKS#I JUST HATE ANSWERING NOT BCS THE ASK IS BAD BUT BCS I THINK IT'S SO GOOD I OVERTHINK HOW TO RESPOND WELL ENOUGH IN RETURN#SO UR EFFORTS ARENT WASTED... and then i waste them bcs i dont ever reply 😭😭#SORRY#im stupid 🥰#anyways just wanted to make an overall shoutout to all who have asked: i care you and i appreciate u#i am just insane. in the membrane#if u see me get to ur ask 500 years later... sorry 😭
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Okay I have decided I never want to work in a dentist office, i was already apprehensive because there would be lots of kids and lots of stranger’s teeth and I don’t really like either of those, but after listening to someone use a little drill FOR EIGHT HOURS TODAY I realize I would not survive a week around the noise
#sorenhoots#anyways I wanna quit my job 😭 it’s so overwhelming and stupid and they’re treating me like a goddamn newborn baby#not allowed to leave my tiny little area. now banned from having ANY non-work conversation with another employee?????#like that’s not an issue for me because I’m bad at small talk but I promise. employees need to be able to chat?? like#trust me! no one talks to be all day and it makes the work INTENSELY more soul-draining and depressing#and today there was a bell ringing constantly and a drill and the lights#and the more overwhelmed I got the LOUDER my register sounded with every BEEP#I stg they’re just a nightmare rn. it’s so funny because we had 3 people#who REALLY cared about their job but were autistic or adhd or trans or something#the first one quit ans everytbing went to hell forever. now a year later the second one quit#and they’re all like ‘thank goodness he’s gone! unrelated wow everything is a disorganized mess??? this is miserable’#and they’ve confined me to a register#so everything always a fucking mess and it would be kinda funny if I wasn’t trapped in the punchline with all of them
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Whenever I'm upset about something and I have to like rant about it to myself to come to terms with how it makes me feel, I have a go-to sentence I use to really hone in on it. Like if something is so irritating or nonsensical or generally anger-inducing that I just have to get it out.
Like I have a coworker who's always talking about what would make the laundry better, talking about these multi-million dollar renovations and things that are *never going to happen* and entirely fail to fix the immediate surface-level issues we're experiencing right now, in the moment, that I'm usually trying to fix while he's talking to me. It really does come off as him going "oh you know what would be so much better for efficiency? if cars ran on rainbows and grass clippings and the tears of happy kittens :)" - he means well, but it fixes NOTHING, it's wishful thinking at BEST
And I swear to god, at least once a week - at LEAST
I have to conjure up the mental fortitude to bite my tongue and keep it to myself
but mentally? I'm winding it up like a punch, before I let out the loudest, angriest call of:
"Coworker, what in the everLOVING NAME OF FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!?!?!?!?!??????!!!!??"
#messyposting#perfectly fine person fwiw. i chat with him. been a bit short lately which I feel bad about#but he's not a bad guy and he honestly does mean well. i try my best to stay cordial with him#but I swear to god my blood BOILS when he stands there explaining an impossible solution to a problem that I can't fix at all#on a logistical level or on any sort of meaningful level given my position in the company - on the bottom rung just like him#while I'm working my ass off loading/unloading machines all day on my feet#he just stands there and#it really is nonsense. it's like a flintstone thinking of living in a jetsons house#spending all day at the rock quarry digging up rocks on the back of a dinosaur - dreaming of hopping into a hovercar#and zooming above the clouds into an automated zeerust atmosphere mansion with a robot maid#if he could get further in the company and make these changes and somehow turn it all around? two thumbs up. legend. fantastic#i don't mean to like shit on his aspirations. but trust me he isn't doing that#he's pining for a tomorrow that's not going to come and he goes out of his way to tell me his schemes while I'm TRYING TO WORK#I'm a flintstone who goes to work in my foot powered rock car and does eight hours digging up rocks with a dinosaur#and at the end of the day I get back in the fuckin rock car and skedaddle my way home. that's my life. that's my reality#and it is not going to change. it just isn't. I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and move more fuckin rocks.#i don't need someone to talk pipe dreams to me!! i need someone to DO THEIR JOB and HELP because it's hard and it NEVER ENDS#our laundry is in the red every month. we're hemorrhaging money. that's partially because our equipment is old and inefficient#replacing it is easier said than done. we use what we have. and it is long tedious backbreaking work for minimum wage#and while I've been checking out a little lately? I work bloody hard! almost everyone does! and this guy is no slouch fwiw. he pitches in#but the pipe dreams are CONSTANT!! he's ALWAYS stopping me in my tracks to talk about improving the laundry!!#like dude you're a fine person but you've gotta fuckin quit living with your head in the clouds and start putting wet linen in the dryers#because my shoulder is injured and my achilles tendons are hyperextended and I'm tired and sore all over - because I'm doing it!#on top of sorting the linen and putting it in the washers! dreaming of a tunnel washer isn't going to make my life any easier!!#either put your job at risk in service of this higher calling you keep speaking about or sling some fucking sheets dude!!!#we're in a rock quarry riding dinosaurs motherfucker!! start fucking excavating!!!!!
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man i need to actually start talking to some of the gay + trans folks in my area
#I've seen some pretty cool & friendly people but im so exhausted most of the time </3#I'd really love to have new people to hang out with and talk to#having a little friend group brings me so much joy#especially if it's all people that i trust and just really enjoy being around#hearing from and spending time with my friends is like the highlight of my day#and it's always nice to have more people to love#thats part of why i still use lex... it's not bad when it comes to just chatting with people#absolute garbage for hookups. but just trying to talk to people? its great#and pretty chill#and even if I don't talk as much as I'd like to bcuz of burnout + chronic illness flareups it still warms my heart to see the same ppl-#-interacting with me#like. ah yes i remember u. its good to see u again#and people are usually so sweet and helpful#esp if its people you already know are kind and compassionate people. warms my heart to have support no matter how subtle#getting to interact with my local community has been really healing#its good to have a reminder that there's still lgbt ppl who actually care about each other and want solidarity#and are vocal about their support#including for the people who need it most. it just makes me all that much more proud to be a trans lesbian#with every lgbt person i meet even if we don't wind up being like long-term friends or anything-#-i usually remember all of these folks fondly#don't doubt the impact of your presence even to someone you barely know#a lot of people will remember and care about you even if its in a distant kinda way#being perceived and existing in the minds and lives of other people doesn't have to be a scary thing
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OUGH, these feelings of loneliness have been so strong lately.... going from having someone to talk to here n there to just radio silence kinda hurts, ngl X'D
I've done this song n dance before and IDM waking up to no messages or not having ppl close to me to chat to but still! Having a taste of closeness with ppl, only for it to be ripped out of my hands, by my choice, or theirs, or both just...... It hurts!
Thankfully I do have some great pals whom I can reach out to if needed so it's not like I am 100% alone XDD I guess I'm just trying to readjust to the current situation. And I know that I have the power to reach out to ppl and also to check out events in town to meet ppl! It's hard for me to do those things but I have the power to, gotta give myself grace and take things one step at a time, as I usually do!
I just wish it didn't hurt so badly haha!! (also this is not an invitation for ppl to dm me (unless u really want to for some reason). I just like writing down my thoughts so I can dissect them better and of course not bottle things up, etc etc)
#don't get me wrong: most of the time I adore just being in my own head and alone!#but when I wanna talk to someone about stuff that is happening.....good or bad. and having no one#THAT's when it hurts the most#doesnt help that this year was kinda just like yay more ppl to hang with- oh they either dropped me as a friend#or prefer to hang with others who are better players (for salmon at least). AH WELL#I really want to go back to the dating apps just so I can TRY to meet ppl even if it doesnt work. AND MEETUP TOO I gotta get on that#tho I do need to reach out to ppl privately to play fish game with since I tend to just wait for ppl to come to me and#thats not the way to go.... if only I was a god tier player so more ppl would reach out LSDGKNSDHG JKJK IM happy with those that do poke me#and of course chatting with ppl in servers helps too but it sucks when they arent avail or what I say gets ignored :')#BUT YE. while I AM sad over all of this.... I do have the power to make the change so hopefully the executive dysfunction allows for it#I want to think about how much I wanna live#not about how much I want to fade away and die. ya need some good ppl in life and since I dont have that in the fam. I need the friends :D#actually all of this stemmed from the realization I had on priv that I basically have no family to lean on. like. at all. no connection#or trust#and to not have any pals that can fill that role too!!! YEAH IT SUCKS! but I will try to mitigate the pain. work is easing up so I have tim#hahaha I kinda feel better typing this all out! that was the goal after all
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the freeridge hate was so over exaggerated lmao
*small rant in the tags sorry*
#💬 :: — chatting !#i liked it.#niggas was just hating bc they missed omb#i understand bc i missed it too!!#but like it wasn’t as bad as people made it out to be#i made it through the whole season just fine#talking about some you couldnt make it past the first few episodes#and you forced yourself to make edits of it#like if you don’t like it just…. don’t edit it?#you’re just making yourself miserable!#the show wasn’t that fucking bad your over doing it now#now i’m pissed off bc they was really doing so much#yeah it had a few cringe moments here and there#i’m not gonna lie trust me i had to pause a couple of times#but i overall enjoyed it!#was it as good as it’s predecessor? of course not#but it’s a damn spin off#not an exact sequel to it like everyone expected it to be#i wish people got that it’s nothing like omb it’s just in the same universe#but whatever i’m done
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Fandom can do a little gatekeeping. As a treat.
So I finally decided to archive-lock my fics on AO3 last night. I’ve been considering it since the AI scrape last year, but the tipping point was this whole lore.fm debacle, coupled with some thoughts I’ve been thinking regarding Fandom These Days in general and Fandom As A Community in particular. So I wanna explain why I waited so long, why I locked my stuff up now, and why I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a-okay with making it harder for people to see my stories.
Lurkers really are great, tho
I’m a chronic lurker, and have been since I started hanging out on the internet as a teen in the 00s. These days it’s just cuz I don’t feel a need to socialize very often, but back then it was because I was shy and knew I was socially awkward. Even if I made an account, I’d spend months lurking on message boards or forums or Livejournals, watching other people interact and getting a feel for that particular community’s culture and etiquette before I finally started interacting myself. And y’know, that approach saved me a lot of embarrassment. Over the course of my lurking on any site, there was always some other person who’d clearly joined up five minutes after learning the place existed, barged in without a care for their behavior, and committed so many social faux pas that all the other users were immediately annoyed with them at best. I learned a lot observing those incidents. Lurk More is Rule 33 of the internet for very good reason.
Lurking isn’t bad or weird or creepy. It’s perfectly normal. I love lurking. It’s hard for me to not lurk - socializing takes a lot of energy out of me, even via text. (Heck it took 12 hours for me to write this post, I wish I was kidding--) Occasionally I’ll manage longer bouts of interaction - a few weeks posting here, almost a year chatting in a discord there - but I’m always gonna end up going radio silent for months at some point. I used to feel bad about it, but I’ve long since made peace with the fact that it’s just the way my brain works. I’m a chronic lurker, and in the long term nothing is going to change that.
The thing with being a chronic lurker is that you have to accept that you are not actually seen as part of the community you are lurking in. That’s not to say that lurkers are unimportant - lurkers actually are important, and they make up a large proportion of any online community - but it’s simple cause and effect. You may think of it as “your community”, but if you’ve never said a word, how is the community supposed to know you exist? If I lurked on someone’s LJ, and then that person suddenly friendslocked their blog, I knew that I had two choices: Either accept that I would never be able to read their posts again, or reach out to them and ask if I could be added to their friends list with the full understanding that I was a rando they might not decide to trust. I usually went with the first option, because my invisibility as a lurker was more important to me than talking to strangers on the internet.
Lurking is like sitting on a park bench, quietly people-watching and eavesdropping on the conversations other people are having around you. You’re in the park, but you’re not actively participating in anything happening there. You can see and hear things that you become very interested in! But if you don’t introduce yourself and become part of the conversation, you won’t be able to keep listening to it when those people walk away. When fandom migrated away from Livejournal, people moved to new platforms alongside their friends, but lurkers were often left behind. No one knew they existed, so they weren’t told where everyone else was going. To be seen as part of a fandom community, you need to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known, etc. etc.
There’s nothing wrong with lurking. There can actually be benefits to lurking, both for the lurkers and the communities they lurk in. It’s just another way to be in a fandom. But if that is how you exist in fandom--and remember, I say this as someone who often does exist that way in fandom--you need to remember that you’re on the outside looking in, and the curtains can always close.
I’ve always been super sympathetic to lurkers, because I am one. I know there’s a lot of people like me who just don’t socialize often. I know there’s plenty of reasons why someone might not make an account on the internet - maybe they’re nervous, maybe they’re young and their parents don’t allow them to, maybe they’re in a bad situation where someone is monitoring their activity, maybe they can only access the internet from public computer terminals. Heck, I’ve never even logged into AO3 on my phone--if I’m away from my computer I just read what’s publicly available.
I know I have people lurking on my fics. I know my fics probably mean a lot to someone I don’t even know exists. I know this because there are plenty of fics I love whose writers don’t know I exist.
I love my commenters personally; I love my lurkers as an abstract concept. I know they’re there and I wish them well, and if they ever de-lurk I love them all the more.
So up until last year I never considered archive-locking my fic, because I get it. The AI scraping was upsetting, but I still hesitated because I was thinking of lurkers and guests and remembering what it felt like to be 15 and wondering if it’d be worth letting a stranger on the internet know I existed and asking to be added to their friends list just so I could reread a funny post they made once.
But the internet has changed a lot since the 00s, and fandom has changed with it. I’ve read some things and been doing some thinking about fandom-as-community over the last few years, and reading through the lore.fm drama made me decide that it’s time for me to set some boundaries.
I still love my lurkers, and I feel bad about leaving any guest commenters behind, especially if they’re in a situation where they can’t make an account for some reason. But from here on out, even my lurkers are going to have to do the bare minimum to read my fics--make an AO3 account.
Should we gatekeep fandom?
I’ve seen a few people ask this question, usually rhetorically, sometimes as a joke, always with a bit of seriousness. And I think…yeah, maybe we should. Except wait, no, not like that--
A decade ago, when people talked about fandom gatekeeping and why it was bad to do, it intersected with a lot of other things, mainly feminism and classism. The prevalent image of fandom gatekeeping was, like, a man learning that a woman likes Star Wars and haughtily demanding, “Oh, yeah? Well if you’re REALLY a fan, name ten EU novels” to belittle and dismiss her, expecting that a “real fan” would have the money and time to be familiar with the EU, and ignoring the fact that male movie-only fans were still considered fans. The thing being gatekept was the very definition of “being a fan” and people’s right to describe themselves as one.
That’s not what I mean when I say maybe fandom should gatekeep more. Anyone can call themselves a fan if they like something, that’s fine. But when it comes to the ability to enjoy the fanworks produced by the fandom community…that might be something worth gatekeeping.
See, back in the 00s, it was perfectly common for people to just…not go on the internet. Surfing the web was a thing, but it was just, like, a fun pastime. Not everyone did it. It wasn’t until the rise of social media that going online became a thing everyone and their grandmother did every day. Back then, going on the internet was just…a hobby.
So one of the first gates online fandom ever had was the simple fact that the entire world wasn’t here yet.
The entire world is here now. That gate has been demolished.
And it’s a lot easier to find us now. Even scattered across platforms, fandom is so centralized these days. It isn’t a network of dedicated webshrines and forums that you can only find via webrings anymore, it’s right there on all the big social media sites. AO3 didn’t set out to be the main fanfic website, but that’s definitely what it’s become. It’s easy for people to find us--and that includes people who don’t care about the community, and just want “content.”
Transformative fandom doesn’t like it when people see our fanworks as “content”. “Content” is a pretty broad term, but when fandom uses it we’re usually referring to creative works that are churned out by content creators to be consumed by an audience as quickly as possible as often as possible so that the content creator can generate revenue. This not-so-new normal has caused a massive shift in how people who are new to fandom view fanworks--instead of seeing fic or art as something a fellow fan made and shared with you, they see fanworks as products to be consumed.
Transformative fandom has, in general, always been a gift economy. We put time and effort into creating fanworks that we share with our fellow fans for free. We do this so we don’t get sued, but fandom as a whole actually gets a lot out of the gift economy. Offer your community a story, and in return you can get comments, build friendships, or inspire other people to write things that you might want to read. Readers are given the gift of free stories to read and enjoy, and while lurking is fine, they have the choice to engage with the writer and other readers by leaving comments or making reclists to help build the community.
And look, don’t get me wrong. People have never engaged with fanfic as much as fan writers wish they would. There has always been “no one comments anymore” wank. There have always been people who only comment to say “MORE!” or otherwise demand or guilt trip writers into posting the next chapter. But fandom has always agreed that those commenters are rude and annoying, and as those commenters navigate fandom they have the chance to learn proper community etiquette.
However, now it seems that a lot of the people who are consuming fanworks aren’t actually in the community.
I won’t say “they aren’t real fans” because that’s silly; there’s lots of ways to be a fan. But there seem to be a lot of fans now who have no interest in fandom as a community, or in adhering to community etiquette, or in respecting the gift economy. They consume our fics, but they don’t appreciate fan labor. They want our “content”, but they don’t respect our control over our creations.
And even worse--they see us as a resource. We share our work for free, as a gift, but all they see is an open-source content farm waiting to be tapped into. We shared it for free, so clearly they can do whatever they want with it. Why should we care if they feed our work into AI training datasets, or copy/paste our unfinished stories into ChatGPT to get an ending, or charge people for an unnecessary third-party AO3 app, or sell fanbindings on etsy for a profit without the author’s permission, or turn our stories into poor imitations of podfics to be posted on other platforms without giving us credit or asking our consent, while also using it to lure in people they can datascrape for their Forbes 30 Under 30 company?
And sure, people have been doing shady things with other people’s fanworks since forever. Art theft and reposting has always been a big problem. Fanfic is harder to flat-out repost, but I’ve heard of unauthorized fic translations getting posted without crediting the original author. Once in…I think the 2010s? I read a post by a woman who had gone to some sort of local bookselling event, only to find that the man selling “his” novel had actually self-published her fanfic. (Wish I could find that one again, I don’t even remember where I read it.)
But aside from that third example, the thing is…as awful as fanart/writing theft is, back in the day, the main thing a thief would gain from it was clout. Clout that should rightfully go to the creators who gifted their work in the first place, yeah, but still. Just clout. People will do a lot of hurtful things for clout, but fandom clout means nothing outside of fandom. Fandom clout is not enough to incentivize the sort of wide-scale pillaging we’re seeing from community outsiders today.
Money, on the other hand… Well, fandom’s just a giant, untapped content farm, isn’t it? Think of how much revenue all that content could generate.
Lurkers are a normal and even beneficial part of any online community. Maybe one day they’ll de-lurk and easily slide into place beside their fellow fans because they already know the etiquette. Maybe they’re active in another community, and they can spread information from the community they lurk in to the community they’re active in. At the very least, they silently observe, and even if they’re not active community members, they understand the community.
Fans who see fanworks as “content” don’t belong in the same category as lurkers. They’re tourists.
While reading through the initial Reddit thread on the lore.fm situation, I found this comment:
[ID: Reddit User Cabbitowo says: ... So in anime fandoms we have a word called tourist and essentially it means a fan of a few anime and doesn't care about anime tropes and actively criticizes them. This is kind of how fandoms on tiktok feel. They're touring fanfics and fanart and actively criticizes tropes that have been in the fandom since the 60s. They want to be in a fandom but they don't want to engage in fandom
OP totallymandy responds: Just entered back into Reddit after a long day to see this most recent reply. And as a fellow anime fan this making me laugh so much since it’s true! But it sorta hurts too when the reality sets in. Modern fandom is so entitled and bratty and you’d think it’s the minors only but that’s not even true, my age-mates and older seem to be like that. They want to eat their cake and complain all whilst bringing nothing to the potluck… :/ END ID]
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“Tourist” is an apt name for this sort of fan. They don’t want to be part of our community, and they don’t have to be in order to come into our spaces and consume our work. Even if they don’t steal our work themselves, they feel so entitled to it that they’re fine with ignoring our wishes and letting other people take it to make AI “podfics” for them to listen to (there are a lot of comments on lore.fm’s shutdown announcement video from people telling them to just ignore the writers and do it anyway). They’ll use AI to generate an ending to an unfinished fic because they don’t care about seeing “the ending this writer would have given to the story they were telling”, they just want “an ending”. For these tourist fans, the ends justify the means, and their end goal is content for them to consume, with no care for the community that created it for them in the first place.
I don’t think this is confined to a specific age group. This isn’t “13-year-olds on Wattpad” or “Zoomers on TikTok” or whatever pointless generation war we’re in now. This is coming from people who are new to fandom, whose main experience with creative works on the internet is this new content culture and who don’t understand fandom as a community. That description can be true of someone from any age group.
It’s so easy to find fandom these days. It is, in fact, too easy. Newcomers face no hurdles or challenges that would encourage them to lurk and observe a bit before engaging, and it’s easy for people who would otherwise move on and leave us alone to start making trouble. From tourist fans to content entrepreneurs to random people who just want to gawk, it’s so easy for people who don’t care about the fandom community to reap all of its fruits.
So when I say maybe fandom should start gatekeeping a bit, I’m referring to the fact that we barely even have a gate anymore. Everyone is on the internet now; the entire world can find us, and they don’t need to bother learning community etiquette when they do. Before, we were protected by the fact that fandom was considered weird and most people didn’t look at it twice. Now, fandom is pretty mainstream. People who never would’ve bothered with it before are now comfortable strolling in like they own the place. They have no regard for the fandom community, they don’t understand it, and they don’t want to. They want to treat it just like the rest of the content they consume online.
And then they’re surprised when those of us who understand fandom culture get upset. Fanworks have existed far longer than the algorithmic internet’s content. Fanworks existed long before the internet. We’ve lived like this for ages and we like it.
So if someone can’t be bothered to respect fandom as a community, I don’t see why I should give them easy access to my fics.
Think of it like a garden gate
When I interact with commenters on my fic, I have this sense of hospitality.
The comment section is my front porch. The fic is my garden. I created my garden because I really wanted to, and I’m proud of it, and I’m happy to share it with other people.
Lots of people enjoy looking at my garden. Many walk through without saying anything. Some stop to leave kudos. Some recommend my garden to their friends. And some people take the time to stop by my front porch and let me know what a beautiful garden it is and how much they’ve enjoyed it.
Any fic writer can tell you that getting comments is an incredible feeling. I always try to answer all my comments. I don’t always manage it, but my fics’ comment sections are the one place that I manage to consistently socialize in fandom. When I respond to a comment, it feels like I’m pouring out a glass of lemonade to share with this lovely commenter on my front porch, a thank you for their thank you. We take a moment to admire my garden together, and then I see them out. The next time they drop by, I recognize them and am happy to pour another glass of lemonade.
My garden has always been open and easy to access. No fences, no walls. You just have to know where to find it. Fandom in general was once protected by its own obscurity, an out-of-the-way town that showed up on maps but was usually ignored.
But now there’s a highway that makes it easy to get to, and we have all these out-of-towner tourists coming in to gawk and steal our lawn ornaments and wonder if they can use the place to make themselves some money.
I don’t care to have those types trampling over my garden and eating all my vegetables and digging up my flowers to repot and sell, so I’ve put up a wall. It has a gate that visitors can get through if they just take the time to open it.
Admittedly, it’s a small obstacle. But when I share my fics, I share them as a gift with my fellow fans, the ones who understand that fandom is a community, even if they’re lurkers. As for tourist fans and entrepreneurs who see fic as content, who have no qualms ignoring the writer’s wishes, who refuse to respect or understand the fandom community…well, they’re not the people I mean to share my fic with, so I have no issues locking them out. If they want access to my stories, they’ll have to do the bare minimum to become a community member and join the AO3 invite queue.
And y’know, I’ve said a lot about fandom and community here, and I just want to say, I hope it’s not intimidating. When I was younger, talk about The Fandom Community made me feel insecure, and I didn’t think I’d ever manage to be active enough in fandom spaces to be counted as A Member Of The Community. But you don’t have to be a social butterfly to participate in fandom. I’ll always and forever be a chronic lurker, I reblog more than I post, I rarely manage to comment on fic, and I go radio silent for months at a time--but I write and post fanfiction. That’s my contribution.
Do you write, draw, vid, gif, or otherwise create? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you leave comments? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you curate reclists? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you maintain a fandom blog or fuckyeah blog? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you provide a space for other fans to convene in? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you regularly send asks (off anon so people know who you are)? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you have fandom friends who you interact with? Congrats, you're a community member.
There’s lots of ways to be a fan. Just make sure to respect and appreciate your fellow fans and the work they put in for you to enjoy and the gift economy fandom culture that keeps this community going.
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Kiryu's trying so hard to be a good dad for all of his kids while Kazama very clearly only favored Kiryu. Do I think this was an intentional writing decision? Probably not but it's interesting
intentional or not, its a good perspective and helps explain why kiryu Is Like That. especially if we want to look at the case of nishiki who was given too much power before he was ready to handle it (and around the same age as daigo too if not a little younger), kiryu wants to make sure daigo doesnt similarly crumble under that pressure that nishiki did. we know nishiki's death haunts him for at least five games after the fact- it's no wonder he's so hyperfocused on making sure it doesn't happen again
the problem lies in that, just like kazama to nishiki, kiryu was the reason why daigo got that much power in such a short amount of time anyway. we know he acknowledges this, which is probably why he tries so hard for the tojo despite wanting to distance himself from the yakuza world. kazama did the bare minimum- if anything- for nishiki. and while we know kiryu respected kazama immensely, i want to hope over the years he's realized that leaving a young man in a powerful position unprepared isn't a good idea, esp after mine rubbed salt in the wound and called him out for abandoning the tojo- ergo daigo, so now he especially feels like he has to make it up to him.
if he couldn't help nishiki, then the next best thing he can do is help someone he considers his son- as if trying to right the wrong kazama did and be a better father, whether he can admit or not to kazama failing to take care of nishiki
but the follow up problem to THAT is he's neglecting his other kids when he does go to help. it wouldnt be a problem if RGG remembered the ryudo family and they could watch the kids while he's gone or something, but since they don't we just have to assume haruka's unfortunately been left to act as big sister to all these kids, and THAT has undoubtedly bred a great burden of feeling responsible when she's only a kid. it's really unfortunate that while kiryu apologizes to daigo repeatedly, he never apologizes to haruka for leaving her alone and in charge so many times (i actually thought kiryu's letter in Y6 was supposed to go to haruka at first). it's made her feel as though she has to take care of everyone and she has to be the strong one for the family when kiryu's away, and because of that we get problems like Y5 and Y6
in all of this, and in a terrible twist of irony, in trying to prevent one of his loved ones from enduring a similar fate as nishiki, he's now jeopardizing his relationship with his other kids- he's now unintentionally putting haruka on the back burner because he's so traumatized over what happened to his brother. he might have prevented another nishiki situation, but haruka had to be collateral as a result
#snap chats#of couse it wasnt just kazama giving power to nishiki that was the problem he was obvi dealing with his sister too#but we get what im saying right#honestly i hadnt even considered all of this until you pointed it out anon and im really glad you did#it really helped shine a light and explain things to me#again i dont think kiryus doing these things with bad faith- hes doing it for the exact opposite actually#he's just so wrapped up on preventing the past from happening again he's not focused on everything else around him#like poor haruka i feel so bad for her but i also cant hate kiryu because i know hes trying#again its a complicated situation no one's 'evil' here- irresponsible and neglectful sure#but it's not like kiryu's happy to punt haruka to the side to catch a flight to tokyo#like again kiryu please daigo's a grown man he's gona fumble the bag a bit but please trust him#i know after Y4 it's hard to do that but trust him#honestly he seemed to be alright until majima 'died' in Y5 THEN he felt like he actually had to do something#oughhh kiryu i love you.. i love how messy you are#but haruka makes me so sad she reminds me of my brother sometimes#love how Y4 and Y6 is like. Hi Kiryu You Ready To Suffer The Consequences Of Your Actions#but yeah theres my monthly Kiryu Is A Dad ramble of the month thanks for indulging me
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Hannie's 🍒 fixation
Han/f!reader, friends who do something sexual...by accident...? nah, Han is a boob guy and wants to put his mouth to good use
ADULTS ONLY, MDNI, I don't want teenagers reading my NSFW posts
Since meeting Han, your friendship has been touchy-feely.
Maybe it’s because you’re both introverts who like quality time rather than chatting. Maybe it’s because your love languages are both physical touch.
Either way, a night in at your place watching anime is completely normal. Laying side by side in your bed, both scrolling on your phones, not even paying attention to the plot of the show you’ve both seen a dozen times.
No one has spoken in, like, an hour but it’s honestly so nice you don’t even care.
Han giggles and lays his phone against his chest, covering his bare face as it turns red.
“What’s so funny?” you ask, nudging him.
“Ahhhh, I need this,” he says, turning his phone toward you. It’s a picture of a blonde girl wearing a crop top that reads "Had a bad day? You can play with my boobs."
"This would make literally everything better," he chuckles, looking at you expectantly-- in his head he’s waiting for a giggle or a funny reaction, not for what you actually say.
"Good thing I have a perfectly good pair of tits right here," you blurt without thinking.
"Really?!" he asks excitedly, dropping his phone as he rotates toward you, now laying on his side facing you instead of on his back. His eyes are so bright and excited, and his hand is already sliding up your torso-- how could you say no?
"Yeah," you say softly, shrugging. "I don't mind. We're friends,” you add on, becoming less sure as you talk. “I trust you."
"This is the best day of my life," he says as one of his hands cups one of your breasts and squeezes gently. "Oh-- is this your nipple?" he asks, walking his fingers back a couple of inches until two press down over your half-hard bud.
"Yes," you confirm, laughing softly. Your face warms up, all the way down your chest. You hope he doesn’t notice given that his eyes are so entranced on your chest.
"It's so cute," he coos, pressing your shirt down flat so your nipple pokes against it. Before you can formulate a thought, he's reaching over to your other boob, squeezing and feeling carefully until he finds your other nipple. It perks up in interest as he touches it, and your breath hitches in your throat when he starts very purposefully flicking his finger back and forth, trying to perk it up.
"Aw, come on," he mumbles to himself. "It was hard and then it got soft again."
Probably because I'm starting to get flustered and trying to be calm, you think but don't tell him.
He pinches your sensitive bud between his fingers and rolls harshly, sending a very intense and quick shock through you. You bite your lip to stop a noise from escaping. Your heart rate is increasing and your skin is becoming much more sensitive to his touch. And he smells so good…
I'm so pathetic. He's barely been touching me a minute and it's making me horny.
"Ahh, there we go," he says happily now that your nipple is distinct through your t-shirt. You watch as a thought crosses his mind, making his eyebrows furrow slightly as his bottom lip pouts.
Then he leans down, swiftly sucking your nipple through your shirt.
"Ahhhh," you moan, finally unable to hold it in. You grab fistfuls of your blankets in an effort to keep your hands to yourself. Somehow touching him, even just playing with his hair, would make this far more real than it already is.
"I was wondering when you'd make noise," he says, looking up at you with the most innocent eyes. Then he goes back, sucking you through your shirt while he gets his other hand up and onto your other tit as he turns and half lays on you, working his way until his legs and hips are between your thighs.
He kneads and squishes one boob while sucking the other nipple. Half of this is what you expected him to do-- maybe touch and hold your boobs for a minute or so and then laugh it off. You didn’t expect this. Not him soaking a wet patch through the front of your shirt.
Not one of his hands sneaking under your blanket to find the bottom hem.
Not him yanking your shirt up to your collarbones, breathing a soft "wow" while his sparkly eyes take in the sight of your naked chest.
"Hannie," you say with an unsure tone, but he either doesn't hear you or ignores it. Instead he leans in once more and kisses your nipple. He drags his soft lips against your bare skin and breathes in the smell of you. You're so warm against his cheek and he feels completely lost in the selfish pleasure of playing with you.
“Does it feel good?” he asks, twisting both of your nipples between his fingers. He pouts as he waits for your response, clearly wanting you to say yes.
You nod shyly and pull the collar of your shirt up to hide the bottom part of your face.
He beams up at you, then laughs and pulls your shirt back down.
“Hey, don’t hide from me. I want to see you.” He licks a circle around your burningly sensitive nipple. “And hear you,” he adds, sucking your nipple into his mouth.
You moan softly, cautiously reaching one hand up to rest on his back. He hums and flicks his tongue then releases your nipple with a pop.
“This really is the best,” he says, giving your other nipple equal treatment. He once again lets go with a dramatic pop.
“This is my favorite thing we’ve ever done.”
He switches back again but goes faster, sucks harder, making himself out of breath as he ravenously indulges in your chest.
“Fuck, your tits are so hot, baby.”
“Mmm,” you whine softly, turning your head away and covering your face slightly.
“Hey, I said don’t hide. What, you don’t think your tits are hot or something?”
“They’re not. They’re big but they sag. It’s embarrassing.”
“It’s fucking hot,” he insists, crawling a little higher so he can see you better. You can’t help but to gasp when you feel his hard-on slide against your crotch. “Do you know how many guys like big tits? I don’t care if they’re hanging down to your fucking stomach.” He smirks. “They’re easier to get in my mouth that way.”
“Oh my god, Hannie,” you laugh, playfully pushing on his cheek to move his head away from you.
“I’m so serious,” he says, though he laughs. “I can’t believe you’re letting me play with them. I’m on cloud nine.”
“I can kind of tell,” you say softly, shifting just enough so he feels the movement against his crotch and knows you’ve noticed his boner.
“Oh yeah,” he says, face blushing even deeper than yours. “You know what would be even better than playing with your tits?”
“What?”
“Eating you out.”
masterlist | Click here for part 2
#han jisung smut#han x reader#han x reader smut#han jisung x reader#han jisung x reader smut#skz smut#stray kids smut#stray kids x reader smut#skz x reader smut
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an actual guide to british slang for foreign marauders writers.
because i am sick of seeing
a) people using american english eg. mom, sneakers
b) people overusing "mate" and "innit"
alright? = a greeting, like hello.
everyday words
ain't = haven't
scran = food, or to describe eating
swear down = promise
"swear down, I didn't do nothing,"
bloody = can be used in any sentence at any time
"bloody hell" "its bloody pissing it down out there" "i was bloody wankered"
bloke = a man
innit = isn't it?
mate = equivalent of calling someone bro
bruv, lad, my son = bro, dude, etc
fags, rollies, ciggies, (NOT A SPLIFF) = cigarettes
trust = trust me
"trust, ill tell you later"
chatting (what you chatting about?) = what are you on about?
quid = pound
proper buzzing = really excited
good
sound = good
bangin' = really good
lush = good
"that scran was lush"
jokes = a laugh, funny
bare = a lot of
fit = physically attractive
"he's well fit, isn't he?"
pissed = drunk
dodgy/dodge = questionable
bad
are you taking the piss? = are you having a laugh?
thats peak = thats bad
not being funny, but... = no offense but...
gordon bennett! = surprise, shock, disbelief
slag off = talk badly about someone
"she was slagging her off to anyone who'd listen"
minging, rank = disgusting
bloody nora = expression of surprise, irritation
bollocks = nonsense, something bad
"stop talking bollocks, mate"
skint = broke
prat, git = an idiot
insults
a melt = a pathetic person
clapped = ugly
"he's fucking clapped..."
sket = a promiscuous woman
slag = ^^
minger = an unattractive person
plonker = calling someone silly, not offensive
"don't be a plonker..."
cunt = VERY OFFENSIVE!
wanker, tosser = a general insult
bender, poof = a gay man, used insultingly
#marauders#the marauders#british slang#slang#fanfic#writing guide#writing help#help#writing advice#jegulus#starchaser#wolfstar
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