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nick-writes-stuff · 2 days ago

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Like Real People Do

Hwang In-ho x nurse!gn!reader

Part 2 to "Never Love an Anchor"

warnings: canon-typical violence, angst to fluff roller-coaster, medical/hospital themes,

Summary: As In-ho prepares to go back in the games, you both realize how much you care for one another. The universe finally seems to relent, and you find the perfect opportunity to find a better life with each other as the games crumble around you.

Ever since you were brought onto the island to be the compound's medical officer, you'd seen things you would never forget. You were introduced to the brutal death games that were held for the super-rich and watched hundreds of desperate people fight for their lives. You watched Oh Il-nam turn into someone unrecognizable from the cheerful man you had taken care of for years before. You saw behind the curtain hiding his depravity as you learned the sweet old man had started these games. Then you saw his health deteriorate, turning him into a shell of his former self. You watched him die in that hospital bed on Christmas morning.

The most important thing that you'd seen was who lied behind the polygonal mask of the Front Man. In-ho was originally cold toward you, pushing you away to avoid dragging you down with him. He thought he was saving you, but he didn't know that embracing you would help him save himself. He eventually learned that, and getting closer to him was one of the best things that had ever happened to you.

Your life seemed to be constantly changing. You went from living in a dingy apartment and slaving away at the hospital to living in luxury and being a nurse at the cost of your ethical standards. To survive on the island, you had to accept that you were indirectly supporting these horrific games. You never got more involved than you had to. The most you did was patch up any injuries the winning player had sustained before they were returned to the mainland. You refused to do anything more.

Once things seemed to be falling into a routine for the first time since you'd arrived, the universe decided it was time to turn everything on its head. Player 456 was beginning to track down the operation and becoming a thorn in In-ho's side. You knew In-ho felt connected to that player. You could see it in his eyes anytime Gi-hun was mentioned. There was a look of a forlorn pain, like he had seen Gi-hun's future but was secretly hoping the man could claw his way out. So when Gi-hun decided he wanted to return to the games, In-ho was more than willing to oblige.

You just wished that didn't mean he had to go in to watch over him. You tried to convince him not to, but any attempt was futile. You knew it would be, but you had to try.

The night before the games were set to begin, you laid in bed beside him, trying and failing to forget the fact he was going to throw himself to the sharks tomorrow. 455 other people to worry about. You wouldn't be able to do anything but watch.

“You should get some sleep.” You heard In-ho's voice break the silence in the room. When you snapped out of your thoughts, you realized your breathing had quickened with your growing anxiety spiral.

You sighed, hand reaching to rest on his chest. You looked up at him as you were already turned to face him. Your voice almost seemed defeated. “That's not an easy task right now.” You murmured, finger lazily tracing patterns onto the fabric of his shirt.

He didn't say anything, just steadily breathing and trying to avoid the elephant in the room. His hand moved to caress your upper arm gently.

You sighed softly. “Do you have to go back in?” You asked, feeling small. You knew the answer. You knew your effort would be in vain. There was nothing you could do to convince him to stay but you couldn't stop yourself from desperately trying anyway.

He was quiet for a moment, swallowing tensely. He knew there was a small part of himself that could be convinced, but he knew deep down it was a bad idea to leave Gi-hun unchecked. He'd be risking the entire compound if he did.

“I do.” He said. A sigh left his lips. “We've designed the games specifically to ensure my safety should something cause my elimination.” He explained

Your eyes flicked up to his with a slight glare. “You know that's not what I'm worried about.” You mumbled, annoyed that he was aligning his argument with something he knew wasn't the real issue.

He exhaled, something that seemed to be a chuckle that caught in his throat. “I know, but to my credit I'm pretty sure I could hold my own there.” He said.

You knew that. There was no doubt in your mind. He was a former police officer for one, and while he had been off the force for a while, he wasn't much weaker than he was in his prime. But there were 455 other people to worry about. They could be strong too, and even worse, they were desperate. They were desperate people who were now being given permission to be violent in order to get more money than they'd ever seen in their lives.

“It's just…” You started, trailing off as you thought for a moment. You thought about not saying anything, just going to sleep and not putting the thought into the universe. The last thing you needed was your fears being made a reality. But you decided to say it anyway. Maybe if In-ho knew your concerns, he'd have it in the back of his mind while he was in there.

You looked up at him. “I just don't want to have to be the one to save you if something goes wrong.” You said softly, voice hardly above a whisper. You felt yourself tearing up somewhat. “If I couldn't save you, I don't think I cou-” You started, but you were cut off by In-ho pulling you into a tight hug against him. You tried not to start crying.

His breathing was tense, like he was holding in emotions as well. Because he was. He knew exactly what you were describing. He'd lived with that feeling for years. The guilt that had seemed to settle into his bones and fuse itself to his soul. He tried everything he could to save his late wife. He outplayed 455 other people, even brutally killing his final competitors with the tools Il-nam provided him. He fell into utter depravity to save her life and he failed anyway. All of his efforts were futile in the end.

The feeling nearly killed him. It consumed him from the inside out for the longest time. The regret and shame and guilt nearly drowned him. Until he met you.

He couldn't put you through that. You didn't deserve that. No one deserved that, but definitely not you.

“I promise you, it won't be an issue. I'm coming back to you no matter what.” He said. There seemed to be something he wasn't saying, like there was some underlying motivation that he refused to reveal. Whatever it was, you didn't dwell on it. He could keep whatever it was close to his chest, as long as it pushed him to come back to you.

“Hey?” He called softly to get your attention, pulling you from your thoughts. You looked up to him and he pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead. “I love you.” He said, locking eyes with you.

You didn't think you would ever stop feeling butterflies every single time he said those words. It always felt like the first time.

He'd always feel his heart skip a beat when you looked up at him, eyes full of love. The feeling once forgotten was reintroduced every time you saw him for who he really was.

You kissed his jawline and smiled slightly. “I love you too.” You said, the quiet words quickly followed by a soft yawn.

His gaze flickered away from you for a moment, toward the wall of your room. You didn't try to follow his gaze, as it would be too dark for you to see anything. His eyes returned to you before you could ask any questions.

He sighed contently, wrapping an arm around you. “Get some sleep, okay?” He said.

You curled into his touch with a slight nod. “You too.” You said, the slightest hint of sarcasm breaking through your tired exterior. He smiled at your attitude, but you were too tired to retort.

He was definitely tired too and he would need sleep before going into the games, but he stayed awake long enough to make sure you were able to sleep. He drew lazy circles onto your back to soothe you until he heard your breathing deepen as you drifted off.

He stayed up a few minutes longer, trying to commit this moment to memory. How your body pressed against him, how he could feel the steady rhythm of your heartbeat beneath his fingers, how peaceful you looked. He wanted to remember every detail. If something threatened his survival, he wanted a clear image of what he was fighting for, something to help him push through the experience he knew would bring up memories he wished he could bury. But eventually he drifted off as well, unable to resist sleep any longer.

After he went into the games, you tried to find things to do to keep you busy. You didn't want to let your mind wander too far into the anxiety you felt at the pit of your stomach.

This year, you were more involved in the games than ever, although that was hardly a high bar to clear. Normally you avoided their entire existence, but you found yourself watching them this year. You focused on In-ho, of course. You wanted to make sure he was okay, but you couldn't help but tear your eyes away when anything gruesome happened. You couldn't stomach it.

You spoke with the Officer on a few occasions, checking in on In-ho while the players were in the dorms. He seemed rather dismissive to your concerns and often was short with you. You knew why. He had told you about the organ harvesting scheme and insisted you joined their efforts. He wanted you to perform the sick operations for his gain. You didn't even know the first thing about organ donation procedures, but even if you did, there was no way you'd be willing to commit such horrific actions. It went against everything you stood for.

You told him to fuck off and never mention it to you again unless he wanted snitched on to the Front Man.

Not the most rational response, but hindsight was 20/20. You didn't mention it to In-ho in fear of the Officer's retaliation, even though you knew that he would be dealt with swiftly.

You mostly stayed in the suite. There wasn't really anything to do in the medbay, as none of the staff were injured in the process of the games. You busied yourself with straightening up the apartment and tackling some of the projects you'd been putting off.

You hadn't imagined finding out something that would be so groundbreaking. You hadn't been trying to be nosy. You'd been dusting off a bookshelf in your shared bedroom when you found it. You were removing the stacks of books from the shelves to dust, and naturally, your clumsiness caught up to you and you dropped one of the stacks. You sighed in frustration with yourself and crouched to pick them up.

You noticed that one of the now open books wasn't an actual book at all. The pages were hollowed out and glued together to make a hiding spot for something small.

You were a bit concerned about that. Why would there be a need to hide something from you like this? There weren't many secrets kept from the other in your relationship, at least none you were aware of. If it was something important for the games, there were dozens of places he could have stashed it where you wouldn't have access to it.

You scanned the pile of books around you, trying to determine what it was that once occupied the book's small compartment. You moved a book to find it was resting on a small black velvet box with a metal hinge on one side. Your hands started to shake as you reached down to grab the box.

You already suspected what was inside the small box, but you still froze for a moment upon seeing the ring nestled into the box. The light glinted off of the gemstone and the polished metal surface, making the ring look even more elegant.

You knew this wasn't the ring he had used to propose to his first wife. That ring was buried with her.

Was it for you? It had to be, right? What else would he have an engagement ring for? You suddenly felt guilty for finding it and ruining the surprise.

In-ho had gotten that ring for you about a year after Il-nam passed away. He hadn't made specific plans to ask you, but he wanted to be ready for when he did. He already knew he was sure of this. He didn't think he was more sure about any other decision he had made.

His hesitation had nothing to do with you and everything to do with the world you two lived in. He wanted to be able to commit himself to you and have no competing priorities. If given the choice, he would pick you over the games no matter what. But he couldn't just leave the games right now. It wouldn't be safe. You'd both be hunted down and taken out since you were loose ends. You didn't deserve a husband like this, someone who was trapped in a world you couldn't stand.

If you would have him, he wanted to marry you. He knew you likely couldn't do it traditionally, and it likely wouldn't be legally binding. But it wasn't about that. It was the principle that mattered to him. He loved you. So much. And you deserved to know it, even if the specifics would just be between the two of you.

He made the secret book hiding spot himself, purposely choosing a book you had mentioned despising after you had a book report on it in secondary school. He would have hidden it in one of the control rooms (as he knew you would likely never enter them) but he didn't trust the guards to leave it alone if they found it. The workers were just as desperate for cash as the players, so if they found the ring, In-ho would likely never get it back.

You closed the box gingerly, like you were afraid you would damage the ring somehow. You were still taken aback by the whole thing. You didn't even know marriage would be on the table. He was already married once, and despite the years that have passed, you knew he still loved her. Not that you would blame him, of course. But you just hadn't expected him to be willing to end that chapter of his life when he had been ruminating about it for so long.

Most of all, you just felt loved. Like it was going to swallow you whole. Like you would drown in it. If you did, that would be okay. You basked in the feeling for a moment or two before you were dragged out of it by blaring alarms.

Your body went stiff, and you nearly dropped the box in your shock. You fumbled to catch it while hearing the radio affixed to your belt start to emit sounds. You clumsily sat the box on the bookshelf while listening to the radio.

A part of you wished it was In-ho, but it wasn't. You knew it wouldn't have been him anyway, but you couldn't help but hope.

“Get to the main control room as soon as you can so I can debrief you.” You heard the Officer's voice through the speaker.

You sigh disappointedly before grabbing the radio from your belt and raising it up. You pushed the button before speaking: “On it.”

You stepped toward your closet, fumbling through some of the drawers until you found what you were looking for.

Before Il-nam's memorial service between a few of the higher-ups in the organization and the VIPs who knew him well, In-ho had convinced you to get yourself a mask to conceal your identity. You hated the idea but you knew it was probably for the best in the long run. Very few people had seen your face around the compound anyway in the first year or so of your employment.

It was nothing as elaborate as In-ho's nor as gaudy as the VIP masks. It was a black mask that only covered half of your face, leaving your eyes uncovered. It looked like a surgical mask with a white cross symbol in the center. You fumbled to put it on with your hands trembling from your nerves.

You made it down there as soon as possible, somehow managing to find your way there. You didn't have many reasons to enter this part of the compound.

You saw the carnage in the dorms for a few seconds before one of the players started shooting the cameras to kill the feed. Carnage of players and guards alike filled the room, and the players seemed to be forming a small militia. Nothing like this had happened since Jun-ho.

“Is he okay?” You asked, unable to find In-ho on the screens before all the ones in the dorms were shot out.

The Officer nodded. “Right now, yes. But there's going to be a lot of fighting before this is over.” He said. He seemed to be on edge.

You sighed before he continued to speak. “I want you to get ready in the medbay. If there are any survivors, we'll get them to you when it's over.” He said. You were kind of surprised he was willing to allow them to be patched up. He seemed like the type to just let them die. But you knew he wasn't necessarily talking about just the soldiers. He was getting you ready in case something happened to In-ho. The thought made you sick.

“I'll go now. If there is anyone with a medical background, you should send them my way. Some extra hands wouldn't hurt.” You said. He nodded and you took that as an invitation to leave. You headed down to the medbay to wait, hoping to any god out there that he didn’t end up on the table.

You had quite a few soldiers brought into the medbay. You had over a dozen patients to care for with varying levels of severity. Some were just twisted ankles or grazed bullets, which weren't too hard to take care of. But a few of them were in more critical condition, so luckily there were three circle guards who were assigned to help you.

You were trying your best to stay calm, but you just got more and more nervous as time went on. You couldn’t stop imagining some more guards carrying In-ho into the room in a hurry. Your eyes kept finding their way to the doorway, expecting someone to come in and deliver soul-crushing news.

You found the other guards staring at you a lot, like they were waiting for orders. It made sense. They were ruled by an iron fist out there, and you had a special mask like the other people who controlled them. Their need for guidance started to irk you. You didn't have time for their required pleasantries.

“Guys, fuck the rules that you have out there, okay? You're here to help me so do it or get the fuck out. Just don't take your mask off. Any other infractions, I'll stop any consequences they try to give you, okay? Your ‘no speaking to unless spoken to’ bullshit isn't helping me.” You said, raising your voice somewhat. But you didn't look up from the patient you were working with, gingerly trying to stitch their wound despite the harsh tone of the words leaving your mouth

“Listen to them. Violations of rule 2 in this situation will be excused.” You heard a distorted voice come from the doorway. Your eyes widened as you looked up from your work.

For once you were happy to see that polygonal mask staring back at you. Usually it annoyed you to no end, but you were relieved in this case. He could see the relief fill your eyes for a moment before you looked back down to your patient.

“Glad you're back, sir. You aren't hurt at all, are you?” You said, trying to maintain some level of reservation. You want nothing more than to hug him, but you obviously couldn't do that. Very few knew about your relationship, and no one else could know. You gave him the same reverence that the other workers would give him, both because he deserved it and you needed to set a good example.

The other workers in the room would swear they heard a chuckle come through the distorted voice filter. It was soft and restrained but it was still a laugh. They would tell the story later on and no one would believe them, of course. The Front Man would never do that.

“I'm fine. How are things going here?” He asked. Once he had delivered Gi-hun back to the dorms, he made his way down here as soon as he could. He knew you would be worrying about him and he wanted to ease your mind.

You nodded slightly. “It’s going. I’ll debrief you later, I’m a little busy.” You said, trying not to seem annoyed. You were anything but annoyed, but you needed to focus. Now that you knew he was safe, you could be at peak performance.

In-ho gave a nod and left. You heard his footsteps echo through the hall.

You couldn’t see it behind you, but one guard looked to another with a bewildered look behind their mask. The other murmured, “How the hell did they just talk to him like that?”

You continued your work without saying anything, but you smiled a little behind your mask.

Most of your work was patching up anyone who had a bullet wound in an extremity. Anyone else wasn’t even brought here for treatment. By the time the rebellion was quelled, they had either bled out or were too far gone. There were two soldiers that you wanted to keep in observation just in case.

Once the rest were all taken care of, you spoke to the three guards that helped you. “Thank you so much for your help. I appreciate it more than you know.” You said with a slight bow, dismissing them to their quarters. You could handle the two who were left.

You went to the sinks in the medical room, staring at your hands. You had been wearing gloves, but you felt like you were covered in blood. You could see some smudges above where the glove ended. The smell was making you sick. You’d seen enough bloodshed for the day. You scrubbed it off your hands and forearms, watching the water recede down the drain. You changed clothes as well, wanting to put all of that behind you. It reminded you too much of In-ho’s wound from his confrontation with Jun-ho. While that night was the launching point for your relationship, you could never get rid of the image of your hands covered with his blood.

Once In-ho had given his orders to the Officer and the other managers, he went up to the suite for a moment of peace. He needed to recuperate from the games. He went to take a shower, ridding himself of the blood and sweat and metaphorical filth he felt he was soaked in after spending so long with the players. He hadn’t felt that way since his own time in the games.

He hadn’t even noticed the disarray in your bedroom until he reentered the room. He would have been concerned that something had happened, but any concern was stopped when he saw the velvet box sitting on the bookshelf.

He didn’t know how he was feeling at that moment. Disappointed wasn’t the right word, but it was pretty close. He was upset that this wouldn’t be a surprise like he had planned it to be, but there was also a sense of relief. He no longer had to wait for the so-called right time. The time was now and that feeling was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.

He put the box into his pocket when he left the room. Normally you cooked for the two of them because of his busier schedule, but he was starving. The meals they had were mostly just bread and milk, and a lot of the time he was giving his meals to Jun-hee. She reminded him a lot of his wife in a way, a pregnant woman who seemed to be doomed by something out of her control. His wife by her liver and Jun-hee by the games. He never would have left her in the games if he’d known she was pregnant.

As he was gathering ingredients, you entered the suite quietly, not knowing he was there. You turned around to see him in the kitchenette. You pulled off your mask now you knew you were alone, setting it on the counter.

You really don’t remember walking over to him. The next thing you remember is being in his arms and trying to hold back tears.

This was a surreal moment for him. The memories of his own time in the games were on loop in his brain. He kept seeing all the horrible things he had done (years ago and presently) juxtaposed by you holding him like he was the air you needed to breathe. He saw his hands holding the knife given to him by Il-nam, but now he was just holding you. The irony of that situation wasn't lost on him. Il-nam always managed to give him what he needed to improve his life. He gave him the knife, the job, and then you.

Eventually he was biting back tears himself. He just couldn't believe this was real, that you still loved him despite him being forced to commit such atrocities again.

“I'm so glad you're okay.” You said softly, somewhat muffled by the fabric of his jacket.

He pulled away slightly, gently holding your face in his hand to meet your eyes. “I'll always come back to you, okay? Always.” He said. He waited until you nodded to press a kiss to your lips, which you quickly reciprocated.

He pulled away after a moment. “As much as I'd love to continue,” He started, earning a giggle from you, “we should get started on something to eat. I'm starving.” He said with a lightness to his voice that made you smile.

You both decided on something that was quick, less elaborate than the dishes you would typically make. He didn't care what he was eating, he just needed something that wasn't plain bread. It was hardly a dinner worthy of a proposal, but it felt appropriate in this case.

As you were washing up the dishes, In-ho leaned against the counter beside you. He was good at acting nonchalant, so you didn't pick up on anything. “By the way,” He asked you, “what happened to the bookshelf?”

You didn't turn to him at first. “I was trying to dust the shelves and dropped a pile of the books. I didn't have a chance to put everything back before the alarms went off.” You said.

You then remembered what else you discovered. You felt both the burning heat of shame as well at the fluttering of anticipation in your stomach. “Oh, and I also did find…” You began, but you trailed off as you turned to face him. He was holding the box in his hand, the hinge open to show the jewelry inside. “That.” You said softly.

You looked up at him, pausing for a moment hoping he would speak to break the tension, but he didn't. You couldn't help but get a little nervous. He was just looking at you with a gaze that was difficult to read. “I promise I wasn't going through your stuff. I was-” You started, but he cut you off.

He tried to hold in a smirk. He was definitely teasing you a bit, trying to be vague. “No, it's fine that you found it. It's for you anyway.” He said.

You whispered a soft “Oh,” and paused for a moment.

He pretended to think about something for a moment. “You know, I was saving that for your birthday, but you can have it now on one condition.” He prompted.

You furrowed your eyebrows slightly, a little confused. You should have caught on to his ruse by now, but you were exhausted by the day's events. “And that is?” You asked.

His gaze lowered to the ring for a moment and then back to your eyes. No time like the present. “Would you marry me?”

Your eyes widened as you heard the words, tears beginning to form. Your heart felt like it could explode. “Really?” You asked. It was a stupid question and you knew it, but you wanted to make sure this was actually happening and not some exhausted daydream or a cruel nightmare.

“I've never been more sure of anything in my life.” He said honestly.

The tears fell from your lashes as you took a shaky inhale. You nodded. “Yes. Yes, of course I would.” You managed to get the words out.

He removed the ring from the box, gently grabbing your hand and putting the ring on it. It fit perfectly. Of course it did. In-ho was always meticulous, so it didn't surprise you that this was fitted exactly.

He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you against him in a tight yet gentle embrace. Your hands clutched the back of his jacket like this moment would fade away from you.

That night was a sense of normalcy that you both had desperately needed. You'd spent the last few days worried sick over him and he was fighting for his life reliving events that he thought he had buried. It was exactly what you needed, but it was fleeting. He was called to the control room in the early hours of the morning, and by the time he returned, you had to leave to check on the injured soldiers still recovering.

This sense of peace would be absent for a few days after this.

In-ho was tending to the newer VIPs and their desire to be in the games. They seemed even more depraved than Il-nam's friends, if that was possible. He was watching a mother and newborn child go through hell, reminding him far too much of the woman and child he left behind. Who died without him. He was doing his best to spare the child, but realizing that Gi-hun was far more self-righteous than himself. The knife was his and the child's ticket out of the games. All he had to do was kill the others. It seemed like an easy choice to save the newborn, but Gi-hun chose his morals over his promise to Jun-hee. The knife sat unused, and the baby was still trapped in the games. Even more troubling, Jun-ho was getting close to the island and only grew more vindicated from In-ho's attempt to spare him.

And you were busy with the wounded. Your problem only amplified when there was yet another disaster in the organ harvesting room. Thank goodness you refused the offer that the Officer had given you. Everyone in the room was gunned down by a soldier, someone who was in on the operation. The doctor who performed the procedures was still alive when they found the room, and you were told to try to save him. Not because the Officer actually cared about him, but because it was hard to find a doctor that would compromise their principles. You were trying your best, but you weren't exactly hopeful for his recovery.

Because you were so busy, you had no idea what was going on in the games. You had hardly left the medbay on the day before the last game was set to commence. You hadn't heard from In-ho, but that wasn't uncommon during the final stage of the games. The VIPs were a lot to handle. You had no clue there was a baby in the games or about Jun-ho's impending arrival.

So needless to say, the evacuation alarms shook you to your core. All of the monitors switched to the words “GAME OVER” and a 30 minute countdown. Air raid sirens blared while that robotic voice announced the evacuation.

You looked over to the doctor lying in the hospital bed. There was no way you would be able to transport him to the ferry. He was still unconscious and far too large to carry on your own. You tried to lift him out of the bed to no avail. You wouldn't be able to get help with this since everyone else was already being evacuated. Plus, you would have to find a way to get the supplies needed to keep him alive until he could be taken to a real hospital. It was an impossible task, and trying to help him would waste precious time.

You winced. “I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry for this.” You said even though you knew that he couldn't hear you. You took off the gloves you were wearing and stopped to grab the ring from the counter. You'd taken it off so you didn't get blood on it, and you'd be damned if you left it here.

You made your way to the suite, covering your ears as the sirens were amplified as they echoed through the empty halls.

The first thing you noticed upon entering the suite was the body of the Officer laying right in front of the elevator. He was bleeding out of a dozen or so bullet wounds. You instinctively knelt down to check his pulse, even though you wouldn't be able to save him anyway. He was gone, to no surprise.

The second thing you noticed was the smoke billowing out of the basement holding the records. That was certainly unrelated to the evacuation, but there was no point in investigating. It would all be blown to smithereens soon anyway. The smoke laid heavy in your lungs, doing little to help with the panic creeping up on you.

You looked around the ruined apartment one last time before descending down the ladder hidden in the stand for the music box.

You hadn't expected a man to be there when you stepped off the ladder. He was halfway done putting on the scuba equipment when he heard you coming. You turned away from the ladder to be looking down the barrel of an assault rifle. You raised your hands before taking a second glance at who was holding the gun.

“Jun-ho?” You asked, recognizing him almost immediately.

His resolve strengthened, tightening his grip on the rifle. “How do you know who I am?” He asked sharply.

You were confused for a second before your hands fumbled to remove your mask. “It's Y/N. The nurse?” You asked, hoping to jog his memory.

He seemed to have a look of recollection before setting down the gun and moving to grab a second set of scuba equipment. “Here, I'll help you put this on. We need to get out of here bef-” He started.

“I can't go with you.” You interrupted him, shaking your head.

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “What do you mean?” He asked.

You sighed. “I'm going with him.” You said softly.

His eyes widened. You didn't need to elaborate. He knew exactly what you meant.

“But why? I can get you out of here once and for all. You can leave now and everything will be fine. They can't hurt you anymore,” he said.

You knew this would never work even if you wanted to go with him. He was a cop, a man of the law. He would have to turn you in. You would be the scapegoat for this whole thing even if Jun-ho tried to vouch for you. There was no way you'd consider walking out with Jun-ho even if you wanted to.

You shook your head. “I can't. I made a promise.” You said. You promised Oh Il-nam that you would watch over In-ho. You told him on his deathbed you would be there for him through all of it. While Il-nam was a horrible human being that you had grown to despise, you stuck to your word. You loved In-ho too much to escape the world Il-nam dragged you into.

Before he could say anything else, you spoke again. “You should really get out of here. There isn't much time left.”

He knew you were right, but he had so many questions for you. He wanted to know what was going to happen to this place and where you were going. Neither of which you knew the answer to, but you had a pretty good theory.

You could see the hesitation in his eyes. You took a deep breath. “You won't have to worry about In-ho anymore. I'll watch over him, I swear.” You said, hoping to ease his fear somewhat.

He looked at you puzzled. “Why?” He asked.

Without a word, you lifted your hand, showing him the ring on your finger. When he caught the glimmer of the metal, he was obviously shocked. Ever since his brother dropped off the face of the earth, Jun-ho had never stopped worrying about him. He always tried to find him just to make sure he was okay. And eventually it led him to be dragged into this mess. To go undercover as a guard and have countless traumatic experiences. To get shot by his brother and put into a coma for months. To devote himself to find his brother again just to almost be killed by the one man he had grown to trust.

There was a sense of relief that washed over him. If In-ho learned to love again even after all of the hurt and chaos and guilt, maybe he really would be okay with you. In-ho clearly had no intentions of returning home by Jun-ho's side. There was no hope for that anymore. But now that he knew that In-ho still had someone in his corner, Jun-ho could start to heal. He could finally rest after years of desperate searching knowing his brother would be taken care of. If he wouldn't come home, this was the next best thing.

The man swallowed tensely, clearly trying to restrain some emotion stewing inside him. “Thank you. Thank you so much.” He said breathlessly, begging the tears not to fall from his eyes.

You nodded before turning to leave. You had a different route to your evacuation point. But you stopped for a moment, looking back at him. “He still loves you, you know? Despite all of it, he's just trying to protect you.” You said.

You were working with incomplete information here. You had no idea that In-ho had ordered the captain to kill everyone including Jun-ho.

Jun-ho winced slightly, as if your words cut through him, but he nodded. Deep down he knew that was true, but it would never feel like a satisfying answer. After a second to think, Jun-ho replied. “Tell him I love him too.” You heard his voice cracking slightly under the finality of this encounter. He wasn't going to see In-ho again. There was no chance for that anymore. But maybe this closure would be what he needed to heal.

You made your way to the ferry through the underground tunnels. You only knew the way vaguely. You didn't have many large-scaled drills like this, but the signs on the walls got you to the right place. Before you entered the hangar, you put your mask back onto the lower half of your face. Anonymity was vital now. If any of the soldiers remembered your face, there would be hell to pay.

You made your way toward the captain's quarters. That was the place you and In-ho were assigned to on the ferry. Neither of you were actually acting as captain of the ship, but being higher on the deck allowed a better vantage point and indirect control of the ship.

You entered the room and immediately froze in the doorway. You had so many questions. In-ho was already there, his mask lying beside him on the couch he was sitting on. All of that made sense. But what baffled you was the fact he was holding an infant. He held the child close to his chest watching them silently. He was so entranced by them that he hadn't even noticed you came in.

“What the hell is going on?” You asked loudly to get his attention. Your voice was stern, but you were just overwhelmed and so incredibly confused.

In-ho jumped a bit at your voice breaking into his thoughts. When he met your eyes, he seemed to relax momentarily. “Listen I know I have a lot to explain, but first can you please just check if she's healthy? I'll explain everything after.” He asked.

As much as you wanted answers, you weren't going to wait to look her over. Asking questions could wait.

You did what you could, which admittedly wasn't much. You checked her pulse and breathing which was normal, and you checked some of the reflexes you remembered learning about in a child development class.

“She seems okay. I can't do much for her here. She needs to see a pediatrician who has actual equipment for blood tests and such.” You said. You were very limited on what you were able to do. Even if you had the equipment, you wouldn't know what to look for.

You had no idea where this baby came from nor how she came to be under In-ho's care. She seemed very young. A few days old maximum. You noticed what she was swaddled in and things started to click into place.

A player's jacket.

This baby was born in the games.

Suddenly, an explosion could be heard thundering from behind the ship. It was muted somewhat by the distance, but you didn't have to stand up to know what happened. The island's failsafe was activated and it was gone now. Reduced to rubble. You were somewhat relieved. A weight you had felt for the last few years was lifted knowing that right now, you wouldn't have to deal with the games. At least for the moment.

The noise wasn't too loud for you, but it startled the baby who was still in In-ho's arms. He shushed her softly, rocking her slightly as if caring for her was second nature to him. You watched him for a moment, eyes softening at the sight.

“How did she get here?” You asked gently. You were trying to restrain the distaste you felt for this situation. Why the hell was there a baby in the games at all? You had always thought the games were despicable, but this was a whole new level of depravity.

Regret seemed to fill his eyes as he spoke. “Her mother was a player. One of the people in my group.” He said softly. He swallowed tensely, clearly feeling some emotion right now. Likely a multitude of emotions simultaneously. “She had the baby in the fourth game, but the mother didn't make it through the fifth. The VIPs decided the baby would inherit her place in the games.” He explained.

He left out the part where he suggested that idea. He knew that the VIPs would want to do something awful. While he was limited in what he could do, he suggested what seemed to be the safest option for the baby. He had no idea what this newer batch of VIPs would want to do with her. They had already insisted on entering the games themselves. He didn't want to know what they were thinking.

He could see the disgust and anger burning behind your eyes. You always hated the VIPs, but this just added a whole new resentment. “There wasn't anything you could have done to get her out of there?” You asked

In-ho winced as if your words burned him. You were confused, but you didn't question it.

He took a moment to find his phrasing. “I tried. Believe me, I tried. I tried to offer Gi-hun and her a way out. I thought he would take the deal just like I had but he didn't.” He said slowly. His voice wavered slightly, clearly becoming emotional about this issue.

You had no idea what the hell he was talking about. It took you a second to register that Gi-hun was Player 456. You hadn't heard his name often. Mostly you had heard it only from Il-nam up until the ex-player was becoming more of a threat.

What deal was he speaking of? What did Gi-hun refuse to do? If anyone would have chosen to save the child, you would have thought it would be 456. While you didn't know much about the events of the games as they occurred, Gi-hun was mentioned enough that you had been rooting for him in a way. While you worked on the compound, you had always hoped he would find a way to end the games.

It seems like he achieved his goal.

You leaned against In-ho, resting your head on his shoulder. “You did what you could, okay? What's important is that she's safe now.” You said.

He nodded. You glanced up at him quickly. His eyes were watery as he stared at the infant in his arms. “I know. She'll be okay now.” He murmured

Your head returned to its resting spot on his shoulder. “We can't keep her forever, but we can watch over her until we find something for her.” You said softly. You felt his shoulders shake, likely as a result of him simply nodding at your statement.

You knew this was probably hard for him. He never got to do this. To be a parent. Hell, even to have a normal life. His wife and child were taken from him too soon and it ruined him inside. It seemed that despite all of the chaos and uncertainty a part of him was healing. Everything that he had grown used to was gone, but this, being with you and 222, felt like a new normal.

He wished it would be the new normal. With all his being, he hoped it would be. This is what he wanted. It always was. After winning the games, he thought he was no longer capable of this. Of loving. Of being loved.

Oh Il-nam was right about a lot of things, but he most certainly was wrong about that.

He was stuck in his thoughts as he watched the baby begin to fall asleep. You had to get his attention by touching his arm. His gaze snapped to you.

“What should we call her?” You asked. Your cadence made it seem that this was not the first time you asked that question.

He stayed quiet for a moment. “I don't know.” He murmured. He almost didn't want to give her a name. He didn't want to get too attached.

But he quickly realized that was the line of thinking he had fallen into when you first arrived too. He was so used to pushing others away in order to avoid the eventual heartbreak of losing them. He tried to do that ever since the passing of his wife, but he had since learned from experience that it only served to make him miserable. The last few years with you had been the best in his life. None of that would have happened if he hadn't let those walls down. It's about time he finally learns from his past mistakes.

“Ooh, I know!” You said excitedly, causing the baby to stir. She didn't cry, but she didn't go back to sleep either. You gave a nervous laugh before continuing to speak at a lower volume. “You know how you made up the name Young-il based on the number you had. Well her number is three twos, so what if we called her Sam-i? You know, ‘three two’” You suggested.

He looked down at the child, who seemed to almost giggle at the sound of your voice. He nodded. “I like it.” He said.

After a moment, you spoke again. “By the way, I saw Jun-ho on the way to the ferry.” You said grimly.

You felt his muscles tense at this. “What? Where? What happened?” He questioned. For once, he tore his gaze away from the child in his arms.

“He was going for the scuba pack as I was using the tunnel under the suite. Tried to convince me to go with him.” You said with a laugh. You had told In-ho about Jun-ho's promise to get you off the compound when he infiltrated the apartment.

In-ho didn't find your statement amusing. “Did he… say anything? Did you say anything?” He asked. He was growing nervous, worried you accidentally gave him information to lead him to where the ferry was headed. Or where the two of you would be found after this.

You shook your head. “Nothing about where we were going.” You started with that statement to hopefully calm him a bit.

“I told him that he didn't have to worry about you anymore. That I would make sure you're okay.” You started. You tried to keep your voice from wavering. You knew how emotional this was for both Jun-ho and In-ho, and your empathy made it emotional for you too. “He didn't believe me at first,” you said, causing In-ho to chuckle weakly.

“But I showed him the ring. He thanked me. Then I told him that you still love him. That everything you did was to try to protect him.” You said, taking a shaky breath.

You looked up at In-ho. He had tears running down his face. You reached your hand over just as he began turning to look away, seemingly to hide his emotional reaction. You held his face still, gently wiping the tears with your thumb.

He cleared his throat, his Adam's apple bobbing slightly at the action. “A-and what did he say?” He asked, voice barely audible. He seemed reluctant. He wanted to know the answer but he also didn't want to know. He didn't know which answer he wanted to hear.

You smiled the slightest bit. “He said he loves you too.” You said, a tear escaping your eye as well.

In-ho closed his eyes, taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself down. That was probably the answer he preferred, although it wasn't all a good thing. He was worried Jun-ho would still try to find him. It is only in his brother's nature to do that. He spent years on the sea with Captain Park even when everything seemed hopeless.

Jun-ho was the only person in the world outside the games who knew In-ho was still alive. He was relieved that his brother hadn't completely disowned him. He probably deserved it after everything he had done, but something in him was relieved to know that he didn't lose his brother entirely. That the love they shared was still there somewhere. It was lost in the complicated moral quandaries and secrets between them, but it was still there.

You kissed his cheek gently before returning to your typical seated posture. You looked over at the baby for a moment, looking to see if In-ho had woken her somehow, but he didn't.

You leaned into him again, fingers absent-mindedly fidgeting with the strap of your mask. You waited until he had seemingly calmed down. His breathing deepened and became steadier as the height of emotion died down.“So what happens now? With the island gone and everything?” You asked.

It was a question you had been dreading asking. Between the compound being blown up and the games in Korea seemingly screeching to a halt, you finally had the chance to get out of this shadowy operation. You both could finally be free from the chaos and bloodshed. You had plenty of money at your disposal. Fake identities and forged documents wouldn't be hard to obtain.

But you feared In-ho would be dragged back into the control room in the future. This doesn't seem like something you can just walk away from. You wouldn't be surprised if the VIPs tracked him down once they decided they wanted to hold the Korean games again. You knew that games were certainly being held in other countries, so maybe they could just go watch those instead. Either way, this was the chance to leave and you didn't want to squander it. But ultimately, if In-ho decided he wanted to continue with the games, you don't think you would stop him. You would try to convince him otherwise but if he had his mind set on that, you would go with him. While you hope your life moves away from the games, you'd follow In-ho wherever he goes. You love him too much.

In-ho felt like it was an obvious question. There was only one answer.

You felt him sigh. “I think… I think it's over. I think we can move on.” He said softly.

The answer was you. It would always be you. It was a no-brainer. He'd choose you every single time. He was already contemplating giving up the games entirely for you. That's why he'd been holding onto the ring for so long. He felt like he needed to

Happy was an understatement for the emotion you were feeling. You were elated. You looked up at him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I hope so. You deserve some rest after everything you've been through.” You said softly.

You sat like this for a moment until you heard a sharp knock on the wooden door. In-ho sighed. “I should go see what they need.” He shifted in his seat, slowly lifting the mask to his face.

You nodded slowly. You wished he wouldn't but you knew he had to. You looked over at him. “I can watch her for you.” You said. You could just tell that he would have no problem taking her with him, but she didn't need to be involved. Who knew what else could happen?

He slowly shifted her into your arms, accidentally waking her in the process. She fussed a little, but a soft shush from In-ho calmed her back down.

“I'll be back as soon as I can.” He said before walking and exiting the room.

You held the girl in your arms. “Hi, little one.” You cooed softly. “You must have been through a lot.” You watched her silently, gently rocking her in your arms. She seemed so peaceful despite everything.

You felt like your soul was aching for her. She's just a baby who was stuck in the games. She was a new life surrounded by so much death. Everything she knew in the past few days was bloodshed. Anyone else who met her was dead and gone.

You wondered what her mother was like. You knew In-ho had been on a team with her at one point, but you knew next to nothing about his time in the games this year. You wondered if she knew she accidentally dragged her child into the games in her place. Obviously someone protected her, likely Gi-hun from what In-ho had said.

You thanked the universe for granting her freedom from the games. You rejoiced that she was left alive. You grieved her family that she would never know and the men and women who died protecting her. You vowed to help keep her safe until they found better arrangements for her. You already had some ideas to mention to In-ho.

When In-ho returned, he saw you cradling the girl in your arms as if it was second nature. Your head was resting on the couch behind you as you slept silently. The baby was sound asleep, curled up into your chest as you sheltered her from the deceptive, depraved world she found herself in.

A smile flashed across his face. He could get used to this. Maybe not with Sam-i, but one of your own someday.

This is what he always wanted. And after years and years of misfortune and tragedy, it finally seemed like he had the chance to live out his dream with you.

#squid game x reader #nick writes stuff #squid game fanfic #squid game x you #in ho x reader #front man x reader #hwang in ho x reader #squid game spoilers

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nick-writes-stuff · 2 months ago

Text

Never Love an Anchor

Hwang In-ho x gn!nurse!reader

Summary: After treating him for years, Il-nam invited you to care for him on the island, and you accepted without knowing the horrors that lay ahead. You meet Hwang In-ho on the island, and you are instantly smitten with him. He tries to keep you at a distance to avoid dragging you down, but he falls in love with you slowly but surely. ~11k words

Warnings: manipulation (not from In-ho), canon typical violence, home invasion themes, discussion of medical procedures (not too detailed)

a/n: here's something to tide us over until season 3. title is based on "never love an anchor" by the crane wives, but i also drew inspiration from "first time" by hozier. i hope you enjoy because this one was really a labor of love. might make a part 2 but it's probably going to be after season 3 comes out. <33

You had always known that you wanted to be a nurse. Your mother was a nurse during your childhood. You remember going to “bring your child to work day” and falling in love with it. You also heard stories of your grandmother who was a nurse during the war. That's how she met your grandfather. Helping people seemed to run through your blood. And you were a natural at it. You busted your ass to get into nursing school with a full scholarship, and you did really well. Although you were good at helping people, you couldn't help your family. Your sibling passed, and your life was never the same. You weren't even on speaking terms with your parents anymore.

It was at your first job where you met Oh Il-nam. You were placed on the floor where he stayed often during his treatment for his brain tumor. He admired you in a way. You handled yourself with such grace and humility. You clearly knew what you were doing, but you never allowed yourself to become cocky like some of the nurses he had encountered. He often told you stories of his youth and his family, and you listened with genuine curiosity as you changed out the medication in his IV or drew blood for more tests.

Once you asked him what he used to do for a living, and it was the one time that he responded to you coldly. He simply said that he started a successful business, still helps to run it, and that he prefers to keep it private. You apologized meekly, still not sure what you had said to upset him.

As his condition worsened, he seemed to grow attached to you. The other doctors and nurses treated him with pity and hardly treated him like a person. You, however, continued to treat him the same. You listened to his stories about his wife making lunches for him and their son, much better lunches than the hospital food. You let him have some agency and independence in his final months.

When he made the decision to return home and essentially go into hospice care, you understood his reasoning, but you were torn up a bit inside. He almost felt like a grandfather to you, and it hurt you to know this would likely be the last time you saw him.

But it wasn’t. He orchestrated everything. You lost your job suddenly. Your rent increased to a rate you wouldn’t be able to pay, so you were facing eviction. You hadn’t been on speaking terms with your family in a long time. You were alone. Desperate.

And then you came across Oh Il-nam in a convenience store. He offered you a job as his live-in nurse. He would provide all of the supplies you would need. You could live in his home on an island off the mainland. It sounded too good to be true, but you didn’t really have another option.

You came to the island with Il-nam with no idea what you were getting into. He first introduced you to In-ho. You would be lying if you said you weren’t immediately smitten with him. It was almost impossible not to be. He was handsome and polite and intelligent, but he definitely seemed to try to keep you at a distance.

When you first walked in with Il-nam, you made a bit of a fool of yourself almost immediately. Of course you did.

“Hi. Are you Il-nam’s son that I’ve heard so much about?” You asked, wanting to break the ice.

He smiled, shaking his head. Il-nam laughed behind you. Your smile faltered somewhat.

“No, no I’m not. I work with him.” He said lightly.

“Oh.” You said with a sigh. You laughed, brushing a stray strand of hair behind your ear as a nervous habit. “Well, it’s nice to meet you. My name is Y/N.” You said, reaching out to shake his hand.

He looked over to you with a smile. You felt like your heart was going to explode, but you kept your composure. “Hwang In-ho, it’s a pleasure to be working with you,” he introduced, connecting your hands with a firm yet gentle handshake. Those two things shouldn’t be true at the same time, but you’d soon learn that a lot of things about In-ho were paradoxical.

In-ho looked behind you momentarily and seemed to roll his eyes somewhat. You didn't want to turn to look, so you assumed it was something Il-nam did behind you. Which it was. He raised an eyebrow and looked at you with a smug smirk on his face. In-ho could practically hear the old man's thoughts, I picked a good one, didn't I?

Normally, In-ho would never pay any mind to Il-nam's sneaky attempts to play matchmaker. It wasn't too often an occurrence, but it was common enough for In-ho to recognize when it was happening. In-ho had always assumed he was doing it in an attempt to follow societal norms. Every powerful man needed someone pretty on his arm. And while that was how it started, now Il-nam just wanted to make sure that In-ho had someone after he passed. In-ho was practically a son to him at this point, and he wanted to make sure he had someone to lean on instead of living this life alone. It was enough to drive a man mad.

This time, it flustered In-ho because he knew Il-nam had really knocked it out of the park by bringing you. Your kindness and humor struck him. You seemed to ease into the conversation well, and you treated him nicer than anyone had in a long time. And you were breathtaking to boot. It was like Il-nam brought back an angel. But he knew all of this would crumble once you learned the truth. About what this all was. What he was.

It started with a simple question. You knew it had caused some tension previously, but you figured you had more of a right to ask it now that you'd be living amongst it. “So what do you guys do here?”

In-ho's face seemed to drop, like he was dreading what was to come. Il-nam smiled. It seemed innocent at the time, but that smile haunted you once you learned the gruesome truth.

Il-nam gave you the spiel. It definitely seemed somewhat rehearsed, but he was also having trouble remembering parts of it. His last statement summed it all up nicely at the time, but it felt much more foreboding with hindsight. “We give desperate people the opportunity to change their lives through some friendly competition.”

You seemed a bit confused. “You run a gameshow?” You asked, furrowed your brow slightly. This didn't seem like a big enough deal that Il-nam would have snapped at you the way he did when you first asked him back in the hospital.

Il-nam laughed at the question. You noticed the corner of In-ho's mouth tug up into a smirk as he exhaled. The fact he was reacting to your jokes at all made your face heat up.

“You know,” the old man started, “we actually arranged for the games to start upon your arrival so you could get a true showing of what we do here.” He said with a smile. You found that quite odd. He hadn't even known if you were going to take the job until a few days ago. How did he manage to work that out so quickly? You didn't want to ask questions, though. You didn't want to seem ungrateful for the gesture.

The three of you sat on the leather couch in front of the large screens, you in between the two men. As the feed flickered to life, you took in the sight, looking over the large area the people in teal jackets (the players, you assumed) were entering. It was vast, with a giant robotic doll standing at the end.

You listened to the announcer explain the rules of the game. You seemed a bit puzzled. “Red Light Green Light? Like the playground game?” You asked.

In-ho spoke softly. “It's a game everyone is at least somewhat familiar with, so it keeps the contestants on an equal playing field.” He said, his voice monotone.

You nodded slightly. That made sense to you. You watched as the game began. You didn’t think anything of it until you heard the first shot. You tensed up, eyes wide.

It was just a paintball gun… right?

You then proceeded to see the most traumatizing scene you could ever imagine. Over a hundred died as they tried to escape their fate. Bodies piled at the exits. Blood was spilled all over the sand.

You felt sick. You just sat there, breath starting to quicken as you realized what you had been dragged into. This felt like a nightmare, but the pain when you bit your lip proved this was real.

You couldn't make out any words until it was over, and the screens flickered to black. Your throat felt tight. You didn't even want to say anything in fear they would do something to you. You were so stupid. How did you let yourself fall for this?

“So, what'd you think?” Il-nam asked. You looked over to see a grin on his face. Your fear turned to anger. Did he find this funny? That your fear and concern was entertaining?

“What the fuck was that?” You asked, voice louder than you intended it to be. You tried your best to keep yourself calm in the moment.

“We gave them the chance to change their life. If they make it out of six games alive, they will receive one hundred million won for each player who is eliminated.” Il-nam explained. He said it so nonchalantly, like he was talking about horse races. You couldn't believe that this was the same man you had taken care of in the hospital for months.

In-ho tried to give you a different explanation. “In the games, their downfall is expedited. Outside, they would be hunted down by loan sharks for their organs or live on the streets and starve. Here, if they don't achieve the goal, we make it quick. It's a mercy killing, if anything.”

You whipped around to face him. “You call that mercy? What the fuck is wrong with you two?” You asked, disgusted by their comments. You stood up, nervously pacing in front of the couch. You needed away from them to feel any semblance of safety.

Il-nam shook his head. “We are simply doing the best for society. Others in the organization like to call it ‘taking out the trash,’ but I think they take it a bit too far.” He said. In-ho knew he was lying there. He knew Il-nam only considered the players as horses to be bet on.

You tried not to visibly react, but the statement mortified you. How dare he claim to have morals? He can condone the slaughter of hundreds of people, but he draws the line at calling them names. He's twisted, and it scared you because you fell right into a trap.

“I can't do this. I want to go back.”

Il-nam laughed again. “You think we'd let you leave?” He asked with a smugness to his tone that stirred your anger.

You couldn't breathe because you knew he was right. “I-I won't say anything. I just can't do this. I'll go b-”

“Where would you go?” Il-nam countered. You froze in your tracks. You didn't look at him. Your wide eyes were on the floor, desperately avoiding eye contact. “You have no job, no apartment, no family. If you go now, you'll just come back in a teal jumpsuit.”

You swallowed hard, trying to calm your breathing. You felt like you were suffocating, the fear squeezing your lungs. Even more than just the things you witnessed just now, you were scared because he was right. If you left you really didn't have anything left anymore.

You took a shuddering breath, eyes gently closing for a moment. “What do you want from me?” You asked, your voice tense like you were trying to hold yourself together. There was none of the fondness you had for him left. You just felt disgusted being around Il-nam now.

And as for In-ho… you weren't sure yet.

Il-nam laughed, causing you to grimace as if the action physically hurt you. “That's the spirit. You'll take care of me until I pass, just like I said. But you will also act as the Chief Medical Officer on the compound.” He said.

You kept your eyes shut, realizing how bad of a situation you were really in.

Before you could say anything, In-ho spoke for the first time since you saw the truth. “You can stay out of the games themselves if you prefer, just helping any of the guards with injuries they receive.” He said. It seemed like he was trying to be gentle with his words. You started to wonder if his friendliness was genuine or just a trick to manipulate you. You hoped for the former.

Was this even morally justifiable? Sure, you were actively running these twisted games, but you were aiding the people who were. But you didn't really have a choice anymore. It was either you work as a nurse for them or they'd kill you. You really didn't have any other options here. Maybe later on, you could find a chance to end these games, but for now, you’re stuck.

You sighed. “I want no part in the games, but I'll do my job as a nurse.” You said, voice quiet like you didn't want anyone to hear. This was almost humiliating for you. You'd been tricked and backed into a corner so easily, and now you were being taunted for amusement.

“Great!” Il-nam said, his cheery demeanor making you sick. This man is deranged. “To celebrate, we have dinner waiting for us.” He said before walking toward an exit of the room. You noticed that his gait was not nearly as staggered and uneven as it had been in the convenience store. And while you all ate, his hands hardly shook at all as he used the chopsticks. You could hardly eat, losing your appetite as you realized the lengths he went to deceive you.

When you all were finished, Il-nam led you and In-ho to his quarters. It was nearly attached to the suite you assumed was In-ho's living area. Lots of medical supplies, medications, and equipment were spread across tables in the room. All of it was familiar to you, being almost identical to what you used in the hospital when you took care of him. The old man was tired and asked In-ho to show you to your suite.

You followed him hesitantly as he left Il-nam's room. You almost felt flustered, like you were worried to embarrass yourself. You felt like a teen again having some silly crush.

The main part of the suite was elegant, a place that seemed just right for In-ho's vibe. You felt out of place in it. In more ways than one.

As you walked, you tried to strike up a conversation. “So how did you end up here?” You asked.

His hardened gaze didn't even glance your way. “I played in the games and won, and I came back to help run them.” He said flatly.

Your resolve seemed to falter at his demeanor. You swallowed tensely. “So you went through it and decided to come help?” You asked. Your statement was more of a genuine curiosity, but he seemed to take it as a judgment.

“Life has a funny way of working out.” He said coldly. You almost flinched at his tone. You were so confused. His mood suddenly flipped and you didn't know what you did wrong.

He felt sick as you walked away. He was being hateful, but it was a necessary action. He knew he would only bring you sorrow. It's what he did best. He dragged everyone down into hell with him. All he did was hurt people, and you didn't deserve that. Il-nam spoke about you often while you were treating him in the hospital. He only ever spoke highly of you. You devoted yourself to helping others and lifting people up. He did the opposite. You were a life raft and he was an anchor. You didn't need him holding you back, so he forced a wedge between you too. Even so, there was no way you could ever love a man like him.

It would take you a few months to figure out why he acted the way he did. You spent most of your day with Il-nam, doting on him while his health was declining. But you also tried to get In-ho to warm up to you. Whether it was you making an extra cup of coffee for him in the morning or trying to make small talk about a book he was reading.

None of it particularly went well. At most, you'd be given a monotone word of thanks, but most of the time he was silent.

When your smile dropped, he almost seemed pained, remorseful even. But he never apologized or tried to connect with you. He just looked away, almost like he was trying to make you hate him.

It would never work, though. Your heart combined with your determination made you never give up trying.

But what baffled you more was how different he was when he was around Il-nam. He was infinitely more nice than he ever had been to you when you were alone. He was able to make a show of being cordial when others were there to see him, but any other time you were met with utter disdain.

Until one night, you finally had enough of it. You offered to make him some tea for him since you were making one for yourself. He didn't even look up from the book.

You took a deep breath, your brain fighting a war against itself. You wanted to ask him what was going on, but you were scared to hear what he would say. What if you had done something wrong? What if he just doesn't like you at all?

Your need for understanding outweighed your fear of rejection. You walked over toward him, sitting on a recliner opposite to him. Once again, he didn't say a word. He didn't even acknowledge you. You hesitated for a moment, considering walking away and leaving your question unasked. You felt small, like you were so insignificant here that he didn’t even notice your presence.

You took a shaky breath, eyes focusing on the pale liquid in your mug before looking over to him. “Did I do something to upset you?” You asked, voice quiet. A part of you hoped he didn’t hear it.

But he did. You saw a flicker of something across his face. His facade cracked the slightest bit, letting a glimmer of himself through the hardened exterior he portrayed. You didn’t know how to react to that, to his clear discomfort and fear and regret.

He opened his mouth but no words made it out. He looked away from you, like he was suddenly ashamed that his internal struggles clearly had an impact on you. “No. No, you didn’t,” He said.

Before you could say anything, he continued. “I just- it’s not an excuse but when I was younger my wife passed, and it's just…” He trailed a bit at the end. He couldn't form the words, couldn't admit to the fact he pushed others away because he felt he ruined everything in his life. He kept you at arms length because he didn't want to ruin the last good thing in his life.

You looked over at him, not with confusion or pity, but just pure concern in your eyes. You were able to fill in the gaps of his statement, inferring the bits he couldn't say. “I'm sorry to hear that.” You murmured, your empathy finding its way into his soul. He'd heard that phrase a million times since she passed, but for some reason when you said those words, it felt different. You said it like you meant it. “What was she like?” You asked.

Your question took him by surprise. He didn't think he'd ever been asked that before. He hadn't really spoken to too many people since she passed, but the ones he did speak to had their heads so far up their ass that they didn't take the time to care. Most of the time he got asked how she passed, which was a well-meaning question that hurt to answer. Sometimes the VIPs ask something more… unsavory and In-ho had to bite his tongue to stop the words from flying out of his mouth.

You saw a smile beginning to form on his face, the most positive emotions you'd seen in him since you first arrived (and you assumed that was just a show to convince you to stay). Your stomach fluttered at the sight. You made him smile. You did. There was a sense of pride there, but you contained it.

“She was lovely. Smart, kind, funny. She was my whole world.” He said. He paused for a moment before beginning to say something else, but the words didn't make it out of his mouth.

You remind me of her.

It felt wrong to say. Not in a factual sense, since you really did really act a lot like she did. It felt wrong to put that expectation on you. He didn't want you to feel like you should act a certain way because of his nostalgia. But he couldn't even tell if his feelings toward you were simply nostalgia or something different.

You didn't ask further questions. You didn't want to make him uncomfortable and address the elephant in the room for two reasons. Firstly, it's really none of your business how his wife passed. He didn't need to talk about it if he didn't want to. But you also knew that you had just taken a step in the direction of a friendly workplace relationship and you didn't want to jeopardize that.

He continued speaking anyway. “She was expecting and she got sick. I got into the games to help pay for her treatment. But it was too late.”

You looked over to him. “That’s very noble of you.” You never thought you’d be saying that participating in the death games could be noble, but everyone has their reasons. At least this time, you understood why someone would be willing to commit such horrific violence. You still didn’t understand why he would come back to host the games after experiencing them, but you weren’t going to ask questions now. It wasn’t the time.

You could see his eyes become misty. You didn’t really expect him to say anything else, and you didn’t have any other words to say either. You looked down to the cup of tea in your hand, watching the reflection of the lights ripple in the pale liquid. The silence wasn’t awkward. It was actually comfortable now that you cleared the air.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push you away. It’s hard to let people in, so it felt easier, I guess.” He said. He didn’t look at you, almost as if he was ashamed to admit it. And he was in a way. He didn’t want to admit how badly he wished he could let you in. How his heart ached more and more every time he saw your smile fall. How he lied awake at night agonizing over every instance he ignored you or made you feel small. You were the first person to show him any shred of sympathy and kindness for years and he treated you like shit.

You took a sip of your tea before speaking. “It’s okay. I get that it can be hard, but you shouldn’t torture yourself by shutting everyone out. You don’t deserve that.” You said softly.

He met your gaze for a moment, almost like he was looking for any signs of insincerity in your face. There was a part of him that didn’t believe you, didn’t believe he deserved the gentleness you showed him. He couldn’t say anything in response. The words caught in his throat.

You gave him a slight smile and a nod. He didn’t need to say anything. You stood up, setting your cup on the counter before going to check on Il-nam and give him his medication for the night.

After that night, you noticed In-ho’s efforts to connect to you. It started with soft, hesitant words of thanks whenever you did something nice for him. Then he’d start asking you about your day, about the things you liked, and about what you did before you got to the island. While you were happy he was showing interest in you, you found yourself enjoying listening to him talk about himself.

You hardly knew anything about him, so you were always excited to hear him open up to you. There were some things he talked about pretty freely, like his time on the police force and his younger brother. He talked about his wife sparingly, but he never spoke about his time in the games. You never asked, and he never offered. It was something you both individually agreed would never be a topic of discussion.

The gifts started a few months after he opened up to you the first time. It started off with him lending you some of the books that he had on the island. If you enjoyed it, he’d just tell you to keep it. You didn’t know that he had bought a second copy of the book specifically for you so he could have something to talk about with you.

Then, there was a pack of your favorite snack in the pantry. You didn’t even remember mentioning that you liked it, but In-ho remembered it when you mentioned it in passing and ordered it to be on the next shipment. You noticed the incidents, but you didn't say anything. You figured he was trying to find ways to connect with you, but you assumed it was out of remorse for his prior behavior.

Despite that, you had fallen for him pretty quickly. He was a quiet, mysterious, and handsome man you had just met, so it was definitely a bit naive to develop a crush. That’s all you thought of it as at first. It was just a silly crush due to the sudden proximity that would fade once the situation settled. It never did fade.

He fell harder. He fell so much harder than he ever thought possible. You showed him compassion when he had convinced himself he wasn’t worthy of it, when he tried to show you that he wasn't worth your effort. You were gentle and kind to the man who felt he didn't deserve it. You taught him he was capable of being loved again after years of thinking he would be alone forever.

Every day he felt the weight on his shoulders get lighter and lighter. He was finally able to breathe again.

These feelings, no matter how strong, were left unsaid. Neither of you wanted to ruin what you had now.

You feared overstepping a boundary that still remained unclear to you. You didn't know if he would even be interested in another person after his wife passed, but more than that, you didn't want to make him revert back to how he was before. You didn't want him to close himself off again.

And he was afraid to do something to push you away. You were the only person who valued him for who he really was, not just as the Front Man. If he scared you off, you seemed to be the last person who regarded him as a human being with emotions.

So any feelings were bottled up as things on the island started to become a routine. The preparation for the next set of games was underway, and you started to have to put in more effort for Il-nam's care. He wasn't doing well. From the look of his scans, his brain tumor wasn't responding to the treatments anymore. It was growing, slowly at the moment, but you assumed he likely had around two years left if things continued on this trajectory. He still seemed in good spirits, which was something you didn't know if you envied or despised. You may not show it, but you still didn't like being on the island. You enjoyed In-ho's company and working with Il-nam to an extent, but the fact that the preparation for the deaths of hundreds of people was underway was gnawing at your psyche.

About a month and a half before the games were set to begin, Il-nam threw a wrench into the plans when he called a meeting with you, In-ho, and a few of the managers.

“I think I want to play the games this year.” The old man said slowly.

Your eyes widened, looking over to In-ho, but you couldn't see his reaction through the mask.

You hated the mask. In-ho was such an interesting man and he didn’t deserve to be forced to be disguised in front of everyone but you and Il-nam.

You refused any attempt to give you some sort of persona here. It felt wrong to accept some form of title here, but you also knew it wouldn't be in the best interest for the care of the individuals needing your assistance. Empathy is needed for a lot of your work, so the mask seemed to be a hindrance to both your duties and your morality.

“Sir, I don't know if that's the best i-” In-ho began, his voice modulated through the mask. You personally found it hard to take the unnaturally deep voice seriously at times, but you knew it was necessary.

Il-nam laughed dismissively. “What’s the worst that could happen? I’m already dying.” He said.

In-ho looked toward you, but you couldn’t read his face. You looked the old man over. Before you could say anything, another manager spoke. “Why would you want to deal with players? Don’t you think they are dangerous?”

Il-nam sighed. “I want to relive the good days. I’m tired of sitting here being sick.”

“But sir, we won’t be able to help keep you safe.” In-ho said, trying to act as a voice of reason. “Plus, what happens if your health declines during the games? You’d suffer there.”

Il-nam shook his head. “I’m suffering here. We can plan around the games to find ways to keep me safe. And I can get out during Marbles.” He said. He clearly had been thinking about this.

In-ho looked at you like he wanted you to be a voice of reason in this scenario. But you didn’t share the same opinion.

“I mean, if that’s what he wants to do. I can figure out how to get medicine in the meals.” You said. Maybe it was your training, but if that was Il-nam’s wish, you felt inclined to respect it. You could figure this out so he could fulfill that wish. You thought that participating in the death game was a weird addition to his bucket list, but you were willing to oblige.

You heard In-ho sigh through the mask. He knew you were right, but this also felt like a lot of unnecessary stress for his first time running the games by himself. “We can workshop the idea.” He conceded. You could tell he wasn’t entirely on board with the plan, but he wasn't going to object.

You spent some time trying to figure out how to get the medication to Il-nam during the games. The main problem would be getting him the meds that he typically got through an IV. Of course, you could just slip the pills into a bento box or the bottom of the paper bag and just make sure he gets that specific one. But the meds through the IV wouldn't be possible. He’d have to stop his round of chemotherapy. You discussed that with him to make sure that was what he wanted. He would definitely experience some pain due to stopping it, and it would likely worsen his prognosis in the long run. But Il-nam was adamant that he wanted to go in.

Finally, the big day came, and the games began. You were on edge the whole time. It made you sick knowing that what you had witnessed last year was going to continue again. It was worse knowing that you aided in preparing for it, but it wasn't really like you had much of a choice. You were cut off from the mainland entirely. Not even the phone lines connected to anywhere off the island.

You made sure that Il-nam got a dose of his meds in before he was taken with the other players. You couldn't help but feel anxious, like you were sending the man off to the slaughter. This was his choice. That's what they said about the players joining the games, and that's what you tried to tell yourself anytime you worried about him.

You reentered the suite from the infirmary to see In-ho sitting in that leather chair, some American song playing from the music box and a glass of liquor in his hand. The first game was playing on the screen. You averted your eyes almost instantly, and you felt a rush of anxiety through your veins.

You left before he realized you had entered. Or at least you thought you did. He had certainly heard you come in. He just didn't react to it. He didn't want to pressure you into watching it. He knew it would likely distress you further.

The next few days were slow since the players had voted to suspend the games. You really only had to take care of Il-nam, and In-ho also had some downtime, seeing as there were no games to oversee at the moment. It felt nice for things to feel the way they were before the games began, but you knew it wouldn't last.

The night the players were set to return, you found yourself with a night off from tending to Il-nam since he had some business to take care of on the mainland. You were sitting in one of the leather chairs, reading one of the books In-ho had ‘lent’ to you. You never thought you'd enjoy reading Nietzsche, but here you were.

You heard the soft tapping of boots on the hardwood floor, and soon In-ho was at your side holding two cups of tea. You looked up to him with a smile and a soft, “Thank you.” You laid your book in your lap and reached for the cup, trying to ignore the sparks emanating from where your fingers brushed against his.

As he moved to the other chair, you broke the silence. “Can I ask you something?” You asked.

He met your gaze with furrowed brows, like he was confused, trying to figure out what you were going to inquire about. But it wasn't just confusion; there was a layer of excitement that he couldn't quite explain. Like he longed for a specific question from you. He just nodded in response.

You sighed softly, debating silently whether you even wanted to ask it. You didn’t want to upset him, but you wanted to know something that you were struggling to grasp.

“How do you just watch the games like it’s nothing?” You asked. Your tone had no hint of judgment, but you still noticed him flinch slightly, barely a twitch of his eye. You sat in silence for a second, and right as you were about to backtrack and try to take back your words, he spoke.

“It’s hard to explain.” He said. He pondered it for a moment, and you tried to seem as non-confrontational as you could. You weren’t trying to accuse him of anything. You were just asking out of curiosity since you had assumed going through the games himself would have left some deep trauma in him.

“I know their deaths look harsh, but I see it more as a mercy killing. Out there, they would have been hunted down by creditors and suffered more than they did here. The ones who are eliminated have their peace.” He said.

You listened closely and thought about his phrasing. “What about the ones who win?” You asked. You weren't asking in general, and he knew that. You were asking about him specifically.

He paled slightly, not realizing how he had phrased it. There was no way he was going to explain it to you truthfully. A part of him was ashamed to admit the real reason, especially since he knew you would be concerned.

Because how does he tell you this, the person who finally taught him how to love again. How does he tell you that he envied them? How could he even explain that for the longest time he wished he had died like the rest? All he wanted was peace. He didn’t deserve to be the one who got to walk away.

At least, he thought that before. Now, not so much. He still has days where he envied them, but since you arrived, he found himself finally being grateful for the second chance he once resented.

“It's hard to find peace after everything I went through.” He said. His voice was small and wavering and nothing like you would have expected from him. He was usually so confident, so sure of himself. He seemed impermeable to the world around him that seeing him so vulnerable was strange. But it wasn't a bad thing to you. He deserved to have the ability to be open and honest, to be something other than the Front Man for once.

Your words escaped your lips before you could really think about it. “Maybe I can help you find it.”

Before you even realized what you had said, In-ho stood and left the room. He just left the suite. He wasn't heading anywhere specific. He just had to go. He wanted nothing more than to take you up on your offer because you had already been helping him find his peace whether you knew it or not.

But he was scared. He was a fucking coward. He was too afraid to lose what relationship he did have with you. No matter how desperately he wished he could have more.

You froze as he abruptly left. You were kicking yourself because you knew you screwed this up. You just had to say something stupid, didn't you? You came on too strong, and you hated it. Also, nothing you said was flattery, at least not intentionally. You were just being honest and trying to be supportive.

During the next few days, you didn't have that much to do with Il-nam being in the games. You had a live feed of the security cameras, mostly just focusing on Il-nam so you can observe him to know what meds to give him in his meal. The only person you had to treat was a soldier who got stabbed in the eye with a needle during Dalgona. You didn't do much, though. You told them to get him to a specialist on the mainland because there was no way you were working on something as delicate and complicated as an eye.

You felt like In-ho was avoiding you. And he was, but not consciously. He tried to stay focused on his work and watching over everything in the games, but he was focusing hard because he wanted to keep you out of his mind. After being so reserved and isolated, the feelings he had for you seemed dangerous. Relationships in his life only ended in heartbreak.

You weren't informed of the intruder. It slipped In-ho's mind since he was so focused on catching him. His determination to catch him only grew when he found that police ID. His brother's ID. The body it was with definitely wasn't his. He needed to find Jun-ho soon. Alive.

You were reading in your room when you heard it. A muffled thud rang through the silence. You flinched slightly at the unexpected sound, slowly closing your book and sitting it next to you. You heard soft footsteps in the hall. You wanted to believe it was In-ho, but you just had a gut feeling something was wrong.

You grabbed the radio from your nightstand, looking it over in your hands for a moment. Would he even answer you? You pushed the button. “Hey, are you in the suite?” You asked hesitantly.

The footsteps were getting louder, and you heard the doors opening. Waiting for his answer was almost painful. Your hands shook slightly. There was no reason for him not to answer you.

“No.” His voice cut through the static. The voice was monotone through the radio, and it somehow made you more nervous. You couldn't see the panic flash across his face (to be fair, no one could because of the mask.)

Your breathing quickened. “Someone is.” You said quietly. Before he could answer, you heard the footsteps right outside your door. You turned off the radio, tucking it under the blanket out of sight.

The door swung open, and you were greeted with a man in a pink jumpsuit, a guard’s suit, but he was holding a gun that was entirely different from the standard issue guns the managers had. Whoever it was, he wasn't someone who worked here. Your hands trembled as you held them in the air.

“Please don't shoot. I'm just a nurse.” Your voice was quiet, almost like you could hardly force the words out of your mouth.

He looked at you, somewhat skeptical. “Why are you here?” He asked.

You swallowed hard. “I just take care of one of the men who work here. I didn't know what was happening here.” You said. You chose your words carefully, as you wanted to make sure he didn't believe you were in on it. Because you really weren't in on it, but this man seemed determined for answers.

His eyes softened slightly. “Did they kidnap you?” He asked. His guard was down. You felt like it was easier to breathe now.

“Kind of but not really?” You said. His eyebrows knitted in confusion. “It's complicated, but I can't leave. They'll kill me.” You asserted. You were being honest. There was no way you'd make it out of here alive, and if you did, you wouldn't be alive for long.

He pulled a cell phone from his pocket. “What's your name?” He asked.

You looked up at him hesitantly. You gave him a fake name. You didn't know what his intentions were. You didn't want to get legally bound to this operation. He seemed like a cop, and you did not want to go down for others’ misdeeds here.

He narrowed his eyes somewhat, like he didn't fully believe you. But if he was suspicious, he didn't mention it. “Do you know my brother? Hwang In-ho, is he here?” The man asked.

You did what you had to do. “No. I've never heard of him before.” He seemed to believe you.

“What do you know about the games? The VIPs?” He asked.

You shook your head. “Next to nothing. I take care of one of the men in charge. I don't know his real name. They just call him The Host, but he's definitely too old to be your brother.” You were lying, but you were a good liar. A common part of your job was making up white lies about where doctors were when they were running late or acting like someone's condition wasn't bad in order to avoid worrying them. You could tell a convincing lie.

“Is something wrong with his kidneys?” The man asked. He'd been used to people saying In-ho was too old to be his brother since there was such an age difference between them.

You shook your head. “He has a brain tumor. He's almost 80, so he's not your brother.” You said with a slight chuckle.

You wanted to keep him talking so In-ho could make it here and catch him now. But the man seemed to be in a hurry. He said, “I'm gonna make it out of here and report this to the police. I'll get you out of here, okay?” He said. It was a rhetorical question apparently as he rushed out of the room.

You stood there frozen in fear for a moment, afraid to do anything that would make the man suspicious of you. The last thing you needed was someone here thinking you were cooperating with the intruder. You didn't even know if he really was a police officer.

You weren't sure where he went, but you heard the door to the suite open and the recognizable clicks of In-ho's boots in the hall. Before you could move, he was in the room, mask in trembling hand.

“Are you okay?” He asked. There it was. The genuine concern and care for you that you hadn't heard since that night. You tried to ignore the butterflies in your stomach.

You nodded. “I'm fine.”

He let out a relieved sigh, mumbling something to himself under his breath. You had no idea how panicked he was when you wouldn't answer his reply on the radio. It had felt like his chest could cave in, and he could hardly breathe.

“Where is he?” In-ho asked.

You shook your head. “I don't know. He just walked out like a minute before you got here, so he can't be far.” You said.

He turned on his heel to try to catch him, but you spoke. “I think he's your brother.” Your tone was gentle, like you were breaking bad news to him.

He paused in the doorway, not turning to look at you. “I know.” He said matter-of-factly. He sounded almost remorseful, like this was his fault his brother was involved. He left before you could say anything else.

Il-nam was taken out of the games soon after. The marble game was the perfect way for him to sneak out of the game without question. 456 just walked away, and a stray gunshot to the ground did the trick to convince him.

The old man wasn't doing well. He had a high fever and seemed to be a bit out of it. The soldier overseeing his and 456’s game told you he was seemingly having memory lapses, but you had no way of knowing if those were real or manipulation.

You got him into a different set of clothes instead of the soiled tracksuit with a mismatched jacket and shirt. You ran IV fluids and some medication as soon as you could. Hopefully, it would help bring down the fever and quell any effects of dehydration that were likely setting in.

Il-nam grabbed your wrist with a tremoring hand. “Can you tell the VIPs that I'm going to miss the next game? I need some rest.” He said, seemingly having trouble finding his words.

Your eyes softened, but you were still suspicious if this was genuine or not. “Of course, sir. Get some sleep, okay?” You said with a gentle smile.

You made your way out of his room, grabbing the radio from your pocket. “Can you tell our guests that he can't watch the next game with them? He needs some rest.” You said. The only channel your radio had the ability to broadcast to was In-ho's. Well, you could probably talk to other people, but you were never shown how. It never came up.

“I'll send his regards. Keep me posted.” He said. You knew he didn't necessarily mean about Il-nam. He wanted to know if you saw Jun-ho.

You didn't see him, but it was clear that the VIPs had. You got a frantic call from In-ho asking you to enter the VIP room, and a manager would explain what they needed from you. You were nervous, afraid of doing something wrong that could get you killed. Especially because In-ho had made it clear to you that you were not permitted to meet the VIPs. You figured it was a way to protect their privacy, seeing as you were still new and could be seen as untrustworthy. In reality, In-ho laid that rule to protect you from their less than desirable behavior (and definitely not because he would be jealous if you caught their eye).

You were discretely led to one of the private rooms where you found a very naked American man. You were careful not to show any of the emotions stirring within you. Humor, disgust, embarrassment, none of them were good options to show in this scenario.

You checked his vitals as quickly as you could, ignoring the man's sultry comments about you. “Your vitals are fine, and I don't see any injuries. I think you're just a bit shaken up and a bit drunk.” You said before standing up.

“Well, I don't know. Maybe I need a more thorough examination.” He slurred, clearly insinuating something lewd.

You forced a smile. “I have other patients to attend to. It was nice meeting you.” You lied through gritted teeth. You left the room to check on the server that Jun-ho swapped places with. He was also okay, just unconscious. You advised one of the managers to take him to the infirmary to rest up before heading back to the suite to check on Il-nam.

You opened his door to see him asleep in the bed. You closed it silently, not wanting to interrupt his rest. You stepped into your room, grabbing the book you had been reading when the chaos started. This time, you were able to read for a bit longer than ten minutes before you were interrupted again.

The door swung open, and In-ho entered in a hurry. His mask was already pulled up to sit on the top of his head, resting on his slicked-back hair. His hand was clutching his chest over his shirt and coat. There was some emotion you couldn't place, but his eyes were dark and intense.

You looked up and instantly knew something was wrong. “Hey, what's going on?” You asked, closing your book with haste.

In-ho's gaze seemed like he was looking through you. Something was definitely going on. Without saying anything, he pulled his shaking hand away from his shoulder, revealing the blood staining his skin.

Your eyes widened, but you knew what you needed to do. “Go sit, okay? I'll patch you up.” You said. You didn't wait for a response, just heading out to gather the supplies you would need.

You tried to swallow the lump in your throat. You knew how to treat gunshot wounds. That wasn't your concern. You didn't know how to treat him right now. You didn't know where you stood with him at the moment, and you were afraid to overstep. You also had no idea what happened out there or how he got shot. You had some assumptions, however. You grabbed the things you needed somewhat frantically, wanting to get back to him quickly.

You headed back into the main area of the room to see In-ho on the chair. His hand remained over the wound, and his eyes seemed unfocused as he stared ahead of him. He clearly seemed to be in some level of shock. You moved one of the end tables closer to the chair and sat your tools on it.

He hadn't reacted to your presence at all since you walked back in. You frowned slightly before kneeling beside the chair. You leaned into his line of sight and tapped on his leg to get his attention. He flinched more than you expected him to. “Hey, it's just me.” You said softly.

His eyes met yours with a look of recognition, but he still didn't seem like he was entirely present in the moment. Progress was progress, no matter how small.

“Can I help you get your jacket off?” You asked gently. You waited patiently for him to respond. He moved his head the slightest bit, giving you the smallest nod.

You willed your hands to remain still as you helped him slide the jacket off his shoulders. You carefully maneuvered the sleeve off his injured arm, trying your best to keep him comfortable. While you folded the trench coat to drape it on the chair, you realized you would need his shirt off as well. You tried to keep your brain from short-circuiting at the thought. “Your shirt next, okay?” You prompted softly. You carefully peeled the shirt from his wound, seeing him grimace as the fabric pulled away. “Sorry.” You murmured as you slid the shirt down his arm.

You let out a shaky sigh as you tried your best not to become flustered at the sight before you. This wasn't the time or place to fawn over him. You stared at your hands intensely as you put gloves on, keeping your gaze away from his toned figure as long as you could.

You checked him for an exit wound before beginning to focus on treating the wound in his shoulder. It seemed like it was mostly a flesh wound, and luckily, you could see the bullet.

You did your best to be gentle as you cleaned the wound. You whispered soft apologies whenever you felt him tense up from the pain. You just wanted to do this as quickly as you could. Your hands were shaking as you opened the package of forceps. You didn't want to hurt him, but you knew you were going to be. You remained focused and did what you needed to do. You removed the bullet, feeling all of his muscles tense as he grimaced. “Almost done.” You said. You packed and dressed the wound, causing less discomfort this time. You taped down the gauze, gently tracing it with your fingers to keep it down.

He watched you carefully. Not because he didn't trust you, but because there was something about you that captivated him. He didn't deserve you. He didn't deserve the gentleness and care that you showed him. He was transfixed by the fact you cared about his wellbeing when he had treated you so harshly when you first arrived. Every time you whispered words of comfort or glanced up at him with worried eyes, he felt some of the weight dragging him down fade.

You showed him compassion so naturally that he started to believe he was worth it. He had spent so long believing that he was irredeemable, that no one would ever be able to see him for anything more than a monster for what he has done. In his time at the police force, his relationships, his participation in the games, and his aid in continuing them, all he has done is ruin things. He seemed to harm everyone he meets, physically or emotionally. He pushed everyone away until he was left alone. He convinced himself it was better that way so no one would ever be able to forgive him for his unending misdeeds.

Until you. You were persistent and patient and unconditionally kind. No matter how much he tried to keep you at a distance, you still stayed. You worked your way into his heart, something he didn't think would ever be possible. He was convinced he didn't have one. He knew he did now because it was warmed when you'd go out of your way to do things for him. It raced anytime your gaze seemed to linger on him. It felt like it skipped a beat every time you smiled or laughed at his jokes. The heart he thought had died alongside his wife now seemed to beat for you.

“In-ho?” He heard your voice cut through his thoughts. His eyes met yours. He got the feeling that you had been trying to get his attention for a few moments.

He saw a flash of his brother's face, a reminder of the moment he shot Jun-ho. He said his name the same way you just had. But the memory was fleeting, and he kept his composure. He didn't say anything to you, but you could tell you had his attention.

You took a breath as you removed the gloves from your hands, setting them with the trash you had leftover from your supplies. “I got the bullet out and patched it up. If you need something for pain, let m-”

You were interrupted by his arms wrapping around you, pulling you flush against his chest into a tight embrace. You wanted to warn him about being careful, but you felt his shoulders shake with a heavy breath. He was crying. You froze for a moment as you processed what was happening, but once you did, you were quick to hug him back.

“Hey, it's okay. You're okay.” You murmured. You absent-mindedly brushed your hand up and down his back to soothe him. Your chin rested gently atop his uninjured shoulder.

He shook his head somewhat, an action that confused you. Was he not okay? Your eyebrows drew together, but he couldn't see that. You assumed something was still wrong. Maybe there was a wound elsewhere, or he was still in pain. “Is there something else hurting? What can I do?” You asked gently.

That seemed to upset him more, which only served to make you more confused. His embrace tightened somewhat. You froze momentarily, trying to figure out what was going on to no avail. You gave up on your search for answers rather quickly, once again devoting your energy to comforting him. He could explain later. Right now, he clearly needed support. You murmured soft words of comfort repeatedly, trying to convince both him and yourself they were true.

After a few minutes, he seemed to calm down a bit. His shoulders no longer heaved and shook due to his cries, just trembling slightly as he took shaky, deliberate breaths in an attempt to calm down. You felt his muscles relax slowly but surely. But internally, his brain was still swimming in his distressing thoughts. Now, he just accepted that he would air those thoughts out.

His words were quiet, so quiet that you didn't even hear him the first time. You couldn't make out any of the words, but you know you heard something. You hummed in response, lightly asking him to clarify. He was silent for a moment, almost like he was convincing himself to say it again.

“Why do you give a shit about me?” He asked. His voice sounded wrecked, like he was choking on the words as they left his lips.

You furrowed your eyebrows, pulling away from the hug to look up at him. “What do you mean?” You asked. Your voice was so concerned and worried, and it hurt him. He was hurting you again and he knew it and he fucking hated it.

“All I've ever done in my life is ruin other people. I hurt everyone. I've killed people. I just-” He paused, voice cracking out of frustration and anger. “Fuck, I just killed my brother.” He confessed, a strangled sob erupting from him.

You leaned to reach out to him, but he flinched away from your touch. “I'm a monster. Why can't you see that?” He asked, voice still wrecked.

You felt your eyes start to water a bit at the sight before you. You didn’t quite know what you were feeling. In-ho had always been calm and collected no matter what, at least outwardly. So seeing him so distressed unsettled you, but there was also a strong sense of something else. Guilt? You didn’t think that was an entirely accurate assumption, but you just knew that you wanted–no, needed–to comfort him.

You met his eyes with nothing but love in them, and he wanted to be frustrated that you weren’t listening, but he couldn’t.

“I know that you’ve done some things you aren’t proud of, and some other things that you are proud of but I won’t condone,” you began, a light chuckle behind your voice as you clarified. “But at least to me, that doesn’t change the fact you are a human being who deserves compassion. You aren’t what you’ve had to do.” You said softly.

A tear ran down his face, and he swiped it away quickly. “I don’t deserve it, though. I’ve denied it from so many.”

“Not from me.” You said. You knew he would disagree, citing how he treated you upon your arrival. He pushed you away, but you understood why. You didn’t blame him anymore. It was a coping mechanism. It is an unhealthy one, but it's a coping mechanism nonetheless.

He didn’t disagree, though. Because he knew, deep down, he knew that he never really disliked you. Quite the opposite. He pushed you away because he was scared. Because he didn’t want to ruin his last chance. To ruin you. And he nearly did.

You feared you were about to risk it, too. “I know you feel like you hurt everyone. That’s why you kept me distant at first, and I don’t blame you for your response to that fear.” You said. You saw something shift in his eyes, like a sudden realization that you picked up on more things about him than he thought.

You didn’t react to that as you continued speaking. “Other than that distance, you've been nothing but kind to me. You helped me get settled into this hellhole. You started buying me the snacks I mentioned in passing. You bought new copies of books you liked and pretended to lend them to me so we could talk about them.”

He laughed through tears at that statement. You smiled slightly before getting somewhat serious. “I know you ran down here in a panic after I called you on the radio and couldn't answer you.” You said, voice somewhat more stoic. When you looked at him, you could have sworn you saw his cheeks flush the tiniest bit. “I'm not going anywhere, okay? You aren't going to scare me away.” You said softly.

You watched him take a deep breath. He seemed to be struggling to accept your statement, like he was internally debating if he would be a fool to believe you. It wasn't that he thought you were lying, but he felt like this was too good to be true. Maybe he was misunderstanding you and clinging to false hope that something would work out for him for once.

He met your eyes. “Why?” He asked, the sound hardly above a whisper. You could see his eyes water again, but there was something different.

You paused for a moment, debating on letting out the words that had been echoing in your brain since you met him.

Now it was your face heating up. You took a deep breath.

Fuck it.

“I love you.” You said. You averted your eyes in embarrassment, praying you weren't crossing the unclear line between the two of you. The fact his wife had passed away left a dense fog over your understanding of him. “It started as a crush that I thought would go away at first, but it never did go away. It grew and grew and just-” You started, quickly getting flustered. “I love you so much. I wanted to tell you, but I-”

You were cut off by his lips crashing against your own. His hand held your cheek, gently anchoring you in place like he feared this was a hallucination of some sort. Maybe he was still bleeding out on the island, and this was all in his head. Something changed in him when he heard you say those words the first time. He felt like part of himself was laid to rest, and a part of himself he hadn't known in a while had come back to life.

You had frozen for a moment, processing what was happening. You still didn't quite comprehend it, but you weren't going to miss out on this moment. You kissed him back eagerly, smiling somewhat against his lips. One of your hands rested on his uninjured shoulder, the sensation grounding you to reality. This was really happening, right?

When he pulled away, you took a deep breath as you processed everything. You really just kissed him. A stupid smile crept onto your face. He pulled you into his arms again.

His voice was soft, a whisper for only you to hear. “I love you too.” He murmured. He said it like he was keeping a secret from the universe. He didn't want his confessions known by powers that be. He didn't want history repeating itself.

The room was quiet. The world seemed to fade away from his mind, and he was focused on the moment, on you. The feeling was foreign to him, but he knew what it was almost instantly.

You really did help him find his peace.

bonus:

As Christmas approached, Il-nam's health declined more and more. It had been a year and a half since the games Il-nam played. He had been keeping tabs on the winner, Player 456. He arranged to meet him in a high rise in the middle of Seoul.

You and In-ho said your goodbyes before he arrived, since you were fairly certain that either he wasn't going to make it much longer or Player 456 would kill him. You figured it would be the former from what you heard about the player.

As you both talked to him, he was trying to sound chipper, but he was clearly in pain. You were conflicted on how you felt. You'd known him for a long time, but he was a despicable man who ruined your life alongside thousands of others.

In-ho noticed you getting upset before you noticed it yourself. You hadn't even seen him turn to look at you. You just felt his arm slowly wrap around your shoulders, gently pulling you flush to his side. You leaned into him absent-mindedly.

Il-nam noticed the interaction, and for the first time in a long time, he smiled. It was a pained smile, like the action itself was hurting him.

"I'm glad I... won't have you worry about... you when I'm gone." He said slowly, looking at In-ho with slightly uncharacteristic fondness. He had to force the words out through his labored breathing. "They are... good at taking care of people." He said, referring to you.

You looked down at him with tears in your eyes. Before you could say anything, they got the alert that the player had entered the elevator. You both had to step out to let Il-nam play one last game.

You never got to say goodbye to him. He would pass away right before midnight on Christmas morning. After the player left, you both entered the room. Your hand found its way to Il-nam's wrist, feeling for a pulse as if you didn't believe the heart monitor. You sighed before reaching up to gently close his eyes. "Rest well." You said softly, voice cracking somewhat as you began crying.

You turned to see In-ho staring at the old man. His jaw was clenched, and tears threatened to spill from his eyes. You took a step closer to him, pulling into a hug wordlessly. You burrowed your face into the fabric of his turtleneck.

He held you in his embrace, taking deep, shaky breaths to avoid crying himself.

Things were going to change now. The future was uncertain. But this...

This was certain.

[Read Part 2 Now!]

#squid game x reader #nick writes stuff #squid game fanfic #squid game x you #in ho x reader #front man x reader #hwang in ho x reader

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