#The Duke's Children

[fanaticalthings]

Bruce Wayne except he texts like an ominous boomer

wdym you can't tell if he's threatening them?

Based on this post by @mysterycitrus :)

<- Prev Masterlist Next ->

Bonus:

Happy birthday, Tim 🥰

[waveoftheocean]

wahoo finished this in time for superbat week day 5: tired dads!!

[tiger-grace]

Jason: I have a bone to pick with you

Bruce, just happy to talk to his estranged son: sure, what’s going on?

Jason, pulling out an entire femur: I stole this evidence from a crime scene. I need help with a case

Duke: hey B I have a bone to pick with you really quick

Bruce, on the verge of tears: please don’t.

Duke: I? just have a question?

[iamliquid]

Damian and Jason yelling at each other. Arguing about something again.

"YOU AREN'T MY MOTHER YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO" Damian yells.

"YEAH WELL I WAS THERE WHEN YOU WERE BORN, I HELD YOU IN MY ARMS, TOOK CARE OF YOU, I FED YOU, I EVEN READ YOU CINDERELLA DURING BEDTIME" Jason yells back.

The yelling continues.

"..You met baby Damian?"Bruce says with a little sadness. He also wanted to see his little boy as a baby :(

"OKAY!? I DON'T CARE"

Jason gasps dramatically, tears welling up in his eyes (He cries on command) "HOW DARE YOU, FINE YOU DON'T CARE THATS FINE BUT YOU WILL CARE AFTER I FUCK YOUR MOM AGAIN"

Damian stops in his tracks, and so does Dick.

"..You fucked Talia?" Dick says with a worry in his voice "I knew you liked older women but-"

Then Damian starts yelling again in retaliation.

"Steph no." Tim says but it was too late

"Like father like son."Stephanie says before bursting out in laughter doubling down on the floor.

"SO WHAT I FUCKED YOUR MOM!? AND I HEARD THAT" Jason yells from the living room

"So how did this start?" Duke asks while drinking from his cup.

"Jason found out Damian dog tagged his copy of the great Gatsby." Tim says while being dragged down by a dying Stephanie.

Alfred in the meanwhile is mixing sedatives into the batch of cookies he's making, and the coffee, and the whiskey because he knows that Jason will down that entire thing after the argument.

Yes Bruce is still on the baby Damian thing.

[wondersinwaynemanor]

Gothamite 1: Mr. Wayne looks more tired than usual.

Gothamite 2: Must be women problems.

Gothamite 3: I heard Wayne Enterprises is going bankrupt.

Gothamite 4: He must be really sick cus he has that Timothy boy doing the work for him. Although, that kid has been gone for quite some time now.

Gothamite 5: I heard he's gay and working at a club at night.

meanwhile, Bruce is just trying to balance life as Batman and as a father while dealing with his de-aged kids.

he knew he shouldn't have brought them with him on the mission.

Young Dick, tugging a toy: I'm going to kick you in the butt if you don't give me that stuffed toy back!

Young Tim, balancing an energy drink with one hand while pulling the toy from Dick on the other: You're so selfish, Dick! It's my turn!

Young Jason: *reading a book outloud by the corner just to annoy everyone else*

Young Cass: *on the floor, trying to balance her waffles on the table, with syrup all over the area*

the whole place is littered with fruit loops and cookies, milk splattered on the floor, the curtains are torn, dirty footprints are on the couches, a cape from one of their Robin suits is hanging on the chandelier, and the flat screen is damaged.

Steph: Ooof, it's bad, B.

Damian: Tt. Is Zatara even in this planet right now, Father?

Bruce, pinches the bridge of his nose: I think she's off world right now.

Duke: I'm more worried when Alf comes back from vacation and he sees this whole mess.

Bruce: I--

then they all hurriedly move to the children when they start to tackle themselves on the floor.

[mylifeingotham]

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

Bruce: *sees idiots in the distance*

Bruce: ha, look at those idiots

Bruce: *realizes those idiots are Dick, Jason, Steph, Cass, Tim, Duke, and Damian*

Bruce: Hold on, those are my idiots

[ashoss]

side profiles.. save me. save me side profiles....

[biancabi]

Bruce: *Watching the news* -a group of two adults, four teenagers and a child were seen wreaking havoc and destruction in-

Bruce: *Feeling a headache coming* Please don't say Gotham, please don't say Gotham. Please don't say they are children, please don't say they are my children

News: -Central city authorities have not yet discovered their identities but are working for-

Bruce: *Completely relieved* Not my circus, not my monkeys.

*Batkids appearing at the bottom of the screen*

Tim: Okay, I don't want to scare anyone but there is an 80% chance this thing will explode.

Dick: Considering everything we did today, this actually seems pretty minor to me.

Jason: Only 80%? Did you hear that, NOT TODAY, SATAN!!

Damian: *Talking on the phone before hanging up and turning to Jason* Satan says he's very offended and would never bother dealing with people like you, Todd.

Duke: I have some questions about the monster trucks we sunk.

Steph: You're talking about the monster trucks we sunk in Gotham harbor? or the monster trucks we crashed in Metropolis?

Duke: I don't remember crashing monster trucks in Metropolis.

Tim: Of course not, you were too busy trying to stop the fire you started a few streets down.

Duke: Oh yes, I remember that. My mistake.

Damian: Honestly Thomas, I would expect this elderly behavior from Grayson, not you.

Dick: *Gasp* Elderly behavior?? Lil'D I'm not that old, plus you're supposed to be on my side!!

Jason: Sorry Dickhead, but demon brat is right.

Cass: *Appearing out of nowhere and pointing at the abandoned building behind they* Boom

Steph: What?

*the building explodes*

Cass: 🙂👍

Dick: Oh my god, Bruce is going to kill us. Run, guys, run.

Jason: You heard the man. WITHDRAWAL!!

*The transmission is cut off*

Bruce: ...

Bruce: *In collapse* My circus, my monkeys. My circus, my monkeys.

[bet-on-me-13]

The Bat-Adoption Papers are literal Magic Contracts

So! In the Deified Batman AU (the AU where the Belief of the peoples of Gotham accidentally Ascended Batman to minor godhood), the Bat Adoption Papers would be a fun concept.

Batman is a God of The Night, Fear, and Protection. Specifically, the protection of Children, which is one of his biggest motivators. Meaning, it's a big part of his Divine Domain.

So when he, a God of Protection and Children, adopts his own Child? It's kind of a big deal.

His Adoption Papers basically become Magical Contracts that claim Dick to him as his own Son, basically turning Dick into a Demigod by the fact that he is the Son of a God.

Then each time Batman adopts a kid, they become a Demigod as well. Maybe after enough time, and after they forge their own Identities, they could become Minor Gods of their own? Idk, fun idea

Why do I bring this up?

Well, when Danny eventually joins the JLA, and runs into Batman, all he sees in a God of the Night, who takes one look at him, and then pulls out a Magical Binding Contract from his Belt.

Needless to say, he books it.

[fanaticalthings]

next thing you're gonna tell me is that the butts match 🙄

<- Prev Masterlist Next ->

[pinkiemachine]

For those who are still confused about the Bat Children… 🦇

Hope this helps :)

[puppetmaster13u]

3am Prompt/Au Idea

What if, like love evil Dick in DC Vampires, more power to him, but like, imagine for a second...

Bruce, after finding out one of his kids is the self-proclaimed Vampire King, just holds up his hand, gathers up said kids into a room and just-

"I am not mad-" Several exchange looks that are half alarmed and half guilty, seeing as they're unsure why they've been gathered up at this moment. "-nor am I disappointed."

Bruce, fully channeling dad mode, "But what did we agree on for world domination plans?" (Somewhere a snooping hero chokes)

"Not to do it when you're on world so you don't have to at least attempt to stop us?"

"Exactly. Now, which one of you broke the rule and now has new medical information you didn't inform Alfred of...?"

[batfaesar]

Everyone in the batfam was an only child before they became one of the family and I think that makes it more understandable for their dysfunction

[dukeofthomas]

Can't believe Bruce canonically picked up a random 12yo homeless child who had no intent to become a vigilante and suddenly thrust Robin onto him without asking if that's what he wanted because he missed Dick (whom he fired because being Robin was too dangerous) and people still act like any take that's not "all the Batkids became vigilantes on their own completely independent of Bruce (who tried so hard to stop them but sadly just couldn't do it)" is a complete idiotic bad-faith take and that you're crazy if you disagree with people saying that Bruce has never ever absolutely NEVER picked up a kid for the purpose of making them into a vigilante.