#THINK YOU WORKED ME OUT BUT YOURE WRONG
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i think we as a society are criminally underlooking the potential of detonate by charli xcx as a mike wheeler song
(lyrics under the read more)
#those who get it get it#god i love this song so much#and it came on earlier and i was like wait. WAIT.#anyways#I CAN MAKE YOU FEEL SO SAFE#SWITCH YOUR FAITH AND LEAVE YOU SO LOW#i donāt trust myself at all why should you trust me!#I DONT TRUST MYSELF ALONE WHY SHOULD YOU LOVE ME!#hurt me know you wonāt hurt me iām about to detonate pull you close and then iāll be gone ā¼ļøā¼ļøā¼ļøā¼ļøā¼ļøš£#SORRY! NEVER SAY SORRY! ALL MY SILENCE RESONATES#THINK YOU WORKED ME OUT BUT YOURE WRONG#clears throat . anyways .#mike wheeler#/astro posts#Spotify
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ribbonwood
#linked universe#linkeduniverse#lu hyrule#(also zelda 1!!! but idk how people would feel about me tagging it since I used Jojo's design?)#(ya'll can always tag my gen loz art as LU (or as any linkverse honestly if it inspires you to think about your favs) and vice versa)#(I want to inspire you to think and create! If you see my gen loz art and want to add that to your headcanons or it changes how you think??#take it! play with it! invite me to play as well haha!)#(not ocs but like- gen stuff??? ye go for it)#mom walked in and looked at the comic I was working on#so I started rambling about my plans with it and what my peers are working on and how cool it all is and how I want to have more of that#and she said āwhat a waste of timeā#so I got loosey goosey with it :\#nice exercise to just draw w/o doing guides or being careful#did this in like under 15 minutes! >:D#but anyways#I haven't slept yet so gn!#.. he's holding stuff in the wrong hands!!!! a#look up ribbonwood / redshanks trees! If Hyrule was a tree- this is it#I imagine zelda 1&2's landscape to be california chaparral!!! I'm really passionate about it!!!!!#check out the california chaparral institute's website -> chaparral -> chaparral types#it's Hyrule's Hyrule!
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lando liking hate comments on his instagramā¦brother put the phone down. take a deep breath. call a friend.
#send an angry email to your team demanding why theyāve hung you up to dry psychologically#and are perfectly happy to roll you out for morality points but donāt actually give a shit about your clearly deteriorating MH otherwise#donāt get me wrong I am a hater but also im human and I do. I do worry. especially since the evil orange team seems to be happy to profit#off his struggles and publicise them without giving him any tools to cope with a. mental health itself in an elite sport and b. having that#public#atheletes who talk about mental health have usually done a massive amount of work to be prepared for it#whereas mclaren seem perfectly happy to just ship lando off to the wolves#yes I may be a hater however I think lando is a product of his environment and itās an environment that only cares ab their image not him#anti mclaren#lando Norris this once I defend you
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more phoenix wright situations
#ace attorney tag#maybe i should tag this narumitsu or something. but i dont really care.#gearing up to rereading/illustrating bits of my fic i suppose...i think nick really is too dense to realise he's in love with edgeworth#without some scheming fop trying to intrude. i love villains like kristoph..villains can be fun..witnessing their pathetic folly..#or more like edgeworth would never have mentioned his feelings ever in his life if he wasn't sure phoenix reciprocates.#i want to see it this way because Falling in love during childhood with the person you're going to end up with. is not relatable#there have to be Situations that make you Realise.#as with orufrey i adore the idea of people not working out their romance with that person until their 30s+#but... i mean. even with orufrey i often think how alaira could be qifrey's ex. and oru having been pursued by noble fops through his work#there is that delicate sliver of time before orufrey start living together that such believable situations could have happened.#Then the relief of politely and amicably extricating themselves from those untenable situations#the idea of falling in love age 7 and saving your first kiss for age 35 or something is all very well but more relatable is#people realising how they really feel whilst trying something that ends up feeling wrong.#The comfort and joy of living with your dearest one as if it's platonic - much preferable to trying anything more with anyone else.#But i doubt i will ever portray that or mention it further. it is indeed very delicate to me.#and i really am an OTP FOR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kind of person who can barely bear to consider this anyway...NOT a polyshipper i'm afraid !#so i wouldn't mind either if they do have their first kiss in their lives age 35 with each other either. I would not mind that at all.#i love bi/gay couples apparently... bi father figures & their grumpy gay men waiting for them to work it all out...#not used to using colour in comic-style drawings..or at all..so this is messy and awkward looking..but colour is refreshing#i imagine i will go back to witch hat art soon btw. my destiny in life.#i still remember writing my nrmt fic expecting to write their first kiss & then partway through twas like Umm No. They have kissed prior.#does that really line up with this comic though... i think i had their early dinner dates/first kiss BEFORE disbarment.#so i guess this comic doesn't line up with my ficverse.... No..... U___U Oh well. sorry kris! <3
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that "i wish that being aware of a mindset being ridiculous would make it easier to snap out of it" post hitting hard every single day
#talkys#parents: you are manipulating your friends into going out of their way to do nice things for you.#you need to give them a break from all your demands and stop asking for help and handouts.#me: dis isn't true i've exerted an equal amount of effort into friendships but in different ways. my friend driving hours to pick me up#and take me out of town and my other friend sometimes buying me gifts are equivalent to when i'd stay up all night#to edit every single one of their essays before they were due or listening to all their problems and giving them advice#dropping everything to be there for them etc. this is how friendships Work#also me: ohhh trueee everyone's going to get sick of my evil selfish ass soon :(#god the tags on the other post got too long but i forgot to add it sucks venting online too bc when ppl try to comfort me#im grateful but all i can think is oh my god im so horrible for painting my parents as villains when they arent.#what if people convince me to do a wrong selfish awful thing. im being ungrateful. im a liar. im blowing it out of proportion#its actually not that bad im just spoiled and unappreciative (+ then life will rightfully kick my ass)#i know many ppl who wish they were in my shoes. i might even be if i realize how insurmountable being alive is if i get to leave for a bit#delete later
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thinking about kab and the thing about her i think is she knows just enough to keep herself safe Generally but not enough to really predict what would happen should something more... complicated??? unforeseen??? idk whats the right word to use but something not covered by someones reputation and/or vids happen, believe it or not this also affects her view of clownpierce (we'll get to that)
for example, mapicc has a reputation for being an violent, angry, & impulsive guy and nothing else which makes sense but is incredibly surface level and something that only really works if you dont have a lot of experience working with him
another is reddoons, his betrayal after the base incident while shocking is not unforeseen but his reputation as being a guy whos seen as being a reasonable person whos fairly loyal to his team made it seem like something he wouldnt do even tho it absolutely is
regarding how it affects her view of clown, since he isnt perfectly aligned with his reputation she instead pivots in the complete opposite direction and forgiving basically every crime he does even tho hes something much more mild and complicated than either his reputation or her view of him will ever be (think madonna-whore complex which is especially obvious when it comes to kabs vs woogies view of him)
another side effect of this Just Enough amount of knowledge aside from being blinded by her own expectations is that it frustrates ppl who think shes oversimplificating things (like me and seemingly several other tumblr users as well) especially when she claims that shes objectively correct and the smartest in the room at any given moment
how this roughness in her analysis affects her in the server still has yet to be fully seen but we do still have at least a couple months until the end but 'til then shes just gonna keep stumbling as more and more complicated situations pop up as is typical in lifesteal to happen and eventually shes gonna have to learn to adapt or else she'll be suffering the consequences one way or another
#mine.txt#analysis#ig. this is very rough tho and is more just thoughts than anything#but i wanted a tag so i can get back to this later to see how right or wrong i am#another thing that affects this is the cc/c divide which is something she likes to take control of#one of the ways it manifests is that she likes to go in and out of it frequently which can be incredibly distracting#esp if youre someone like me who wants the lsers to just. be themselves and get immersed in whats happening around them#and it doesnt help that her and her character can have Very different feelings on a situation#basically the cc/c divide or at least how kab likes to use it affects the way she acts because shes got an idea in her head already#of what to think of the other ppl in the server which makes her inflexible when unexpected things come up#as opposed to when shes just being herself reacting to things#which is unfortunate but i think reflects on how outsiders vs insiders view lifesteal#the reality vs expectations of the audience are so incredibly different esp if you only watch the vids#so much so that while watching kabs vid my initial reaction was that she wasnt as big a ls fan as i originally thought#then realized no this seems like the exact sort of thing id expect from someone whos only seen the vids; particularly of the pvpers#(specified pvpers cause only watching the pvpers vs other kinds of players on the server are Very different experiences)#tho the thing about kab is she Does have insider knowledge!#.... mainly from ppl who dont log on a lot (ash and clown and maybe squiddo)#so naturally thats gonna give her a biased view of how the server works one way or another#the exception to this would be zam telling her about eclipse federation but i think either she doesnt know or severely underestimated#just how much lying; manipulation; keeping secrets; and yap sessions built on incompatible motives and morals happened#that made s4 the way it is not only in game but outside of it as well#''we're at our best when we hate each other irl'' - reddoons according to zam
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If you want to be bothered. Maybe this for dick and Bruce???
i ALWAYS want to be bothered these are always the highlight of my day tbh you're a delight for letting me just yap <3
Dick. For the canon isn't real square I am Specifically talking about the Tom Taylor Nightwing run. Usually I ignore bad runs but given this one is ongoing (though about to end THANK GOD and get replaced by Dan Watters who i have high hopes for since i adored his Sword of Azrael (2022) run but i digress) so I counted it. Especially since it's so debated if that run is bad or not, for some reason. I'm a 90s Nightwing truther. I love Dick so dearly and tbh recently I've been more enamored with him the more I read his Discowing era, I didn't used to be as big of a Dick stan as I am these days.
Bruce. Honestly where do you even start with Bruce. I want to fist fight him and also patch him up. He got me into comics and superheroes as a whole but I roll my eyes whenever he shows up in a story. He's a bastard and usually not a good father but also complex and should be dissected under a magnifying glass. I love him dearly. He's also just the worst. I think that's why I love him. I'm always a fan of unabashedly Complicated Asshole Bruce who's generally not always the best person, particularly not to the Batfamily and that being the driving force of his relationships with them, especially in shipping.
And for bonus points, Tim. Because know above all else, I'm a Tim Drake kinnie /deg. He's been my number one for a decade and I've yet to uproot him from my brain. He's literally the Worst half the time and I love him for it. And the canon isn't real refers to Tim Drake: Robin because... that sure was a comic. And that's about all I can say about it. Pre-Flashpoint Tim I miss you so dearly. I think it's fun that I want to put him in a blender and drink the juice but also want Nothing Ever to happen to him.
#necrotic answerings#batcest#bruce wayne#dick grayson#tim drake#fandom tag#anyway the fandom is i guess mean to all of them#but like it's deserving.#everytime i meet a tim anti i'm like you're SO right. he's the worst. pls hate his ass more.#same with bruce. like never met a bruce anti who didn't have endless receipts for hating his ass.#(except for those using the shallow 'he's a billionaire beating up the mentally ill' argument which. i ignore)#(bc why are you. consuming superhero content if you just don't like or understand the genre. it's lazy pseudointellectual nonsense.)#and i don't think ppl are truly mean to dick. i think they just don't understand him.#which extends to the entire batfamily bc well. the state of the fandom and all.#like āeveryone else is wrong about themā isn't in a āno one gets them but meā way#(except about tim truly no one gets him but me /j)#it's in a āoh y'all just want to fit them into neat boxes don't youā way#one more person call dick grayson āeldest daughter coreā and i'm going to your house and eating the stuffing out all of your pillows.#first of all can we stop calling male characters āfemale codedā in any way please#women exist in comics too.#second of all it's just not true? and it's not the complex he has with bruce nor his āsiblingsā if you wish to call them that#and then bruce. where do you even start.#you dare say you think it's in character for bruce to hit his kids and *SOCIETY. society goes wild.*#like ofc it has to be in specific contexts. he's not just swinging.#and sometimes it *is* written very OOC bc bruce is written as a machismo self insert i give you that#but yeah a soldier who views his children as soldiers and has zero healthy emotional regulation or communication skills#is gonna sometimes swing in his worst moments. it is just how the superhero genre works everyone is gonna fist fight to solve problems.#why are you reading comics about ppl who hit other ppl for a living if you don't like it when they hit ppl.#also random hot take about dick's characterization#the young justice tv show did incredible damage to ppl's perception of him and i dislike the take it's the best adaptation of him
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It's a little bit further into your relationship with art student!Bakugo and you've been working together now for the good portion of two semesters...
Except for whatever reason, your professor assigns him a different model for the upcoming final, and when you go to look for him after class (since at the announcement, he stormed out of the room in frustration, slamming back his desk and knocking over the overflowing recycling bin by the door), you find him weeping in frustration in the janitor's closet next door adhfnlkjadshfk
#bakugo#for some reason thinking abt him red at the height of his cheeks kinda teary cuz he already planned out his final w/ u as the muse ...#is doing something to me#trying to hide his sniffles and wiping his eyes with the heel of his hands. getting charcoal on his face#i feel like he's one of those artists who cries when something goes wrong....#like mean angry tears bc he did something wrong and he's so sad but doesn't want to admit it#cuz he's also the type to literally destroy work over one single mistake#AND you have to be the one to comfort him. not n*de tho ofc#WAHHHH#kind of a carmy moment from the bear LOL#brain does not compute....#and then when he's done freaking out he freaks out AGAIN realizing this means you'll have to be n*ked for someone else#cuz even tho u have... lowkey when u started working with him u stopped working with other artists#asdjlkfaskd AND WHAT IF IT'S KIRI OR DEKU#kiri i can see him getting on board with but deku#he's crying AGAIN LMFAOOO#afjadfj people after class are asking u if he's okay and youre like. we're not even dating but. no. he's not. a/ksjlfkasdjkl#shii posts#gen#art student bakugo
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I know I've been on about this for a while now and I'm being a hater but you're telling me SydCarmy was "always meant to be platonic" even though there are two seasons of writing making use of tried-and-true explicitly romantic tropes, themes and writing signals, and SydLuca is going to be romantic because...he was nice to her on screen for a few minutes?
I don't even care if people ship SydLuca, or if they just prefer it, but you can't honestly tell me that you believe Carmy was always meant to be a friend but Luca is an obvious love interest.
Just because Syd and Carmy haven't kissed or confessed their love to each other doesn't mean that isn't very obviously the direction this show is going. The Bear has already shown you who is endgame. It has shown you every episode of the show so far.
Honestly I really don't think The Bear fanbase understands this show or cares about these characters or the story being told here, which is unfortunate because this show is shockingly well-written in comparison to most shows right now, and we should be so grateful for it but all we're doing is complaining that the writers led us on by not making a ship canon fast enough. It's just. Sad.
#The Bear#SydCarmy#I was like a casual fan of this show two days ago#and now seeing how little respect this show gets from it's fanbase I'm losing my mind#I mean I shipped SydCarmy before anyway but now it means so much to me#it means so much to see such a realistic and purposefully well paced romance take place#so many shows portray romantic relationships and their beginnings in ways that just don't really happen in real life#and this show very purposefully said no. These are characters who are strangers. who are working together. Who are in a tense environment#and each of them has problems - one of them the type of problems that makes developing new relationships pretty difficult#these two would not get together right away. It would take a long time. And there would be ups and downs.#And even when that's the case. Even if when it takes a long time and doesn't go smoothly and is hard -#it can still be beautiful. It can still be romantic. It can still happen and here's how#and I'm just so inspired genuinely. It is so difficult to write romance without being cliche and so difficult to write it in a way that#could actually happen in real life and I really do hope I can write something half as good some day#and then to know so many people have no appreciation for it at all#because they prefer the shows that have characters make eye contact a few times and then confess their love for each other like#it's just fucking sad. So sad that so few people have any appreciation for good writing especially the difficult of romance writing#like I really just don't even know what to tell you. In real life these two would not have confessed to each other yet. They would not have#kissed yet. They would not have even realized they have feelings for each other yet because those feelings would still be developing#and I also want to point out that given the disparity in power between Syd and Carmy in season 1 it wouldn't have been healthy for them to#get together much sooner. He was her boss. He was also her idol. Before they can even get together that needs to be balanced out.#And then on top of that don't you see the value in Carmy realizing the dream girl he's romanticized in his head - Claire - isn't actually#what he wants? Don't you see the beauty in him being disillusioned from that? And realizing that Syd is what he wants?#Don't you see the beauty in Syd having an idealized vision of what Carmy The Great Chef is like realizing she was wrong and that he's human#and flawed and then realizing - she loves him anyway? She loves him more for not being on a pedestal and for having his flaws?#Are you telling me that even thinking about this doesn't move you? Doesn't make your heart ache a little?#And again - ship and let ship - but what is Luca? What is Luca if not just what she was hoping Carmy would be when she wen to The Beef?#What is he if not just another man who she has not seen under pressure yet? Not seen reliving trauma yet? Not been her boss yet?#It's easy to look at him and think he's better than Carmy - and that's the point. That's the point The Bear is making.#It is easy to want someone you don't know. It's hard to want to someone you do know. But that's what love requires and that's the point
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I'm seeing people point out that the Craving (at least the single version) is about SAI being perceived by a lot of people as a flop album & I think that's probably correct but I also think it probably applies to Lavish, because I truly cannot imagine why else they decided to include it on the album? Like don't get me wrong I love Lavish but narratively it reads as the most 'expendable" song on the tracklist. Yet Tyler allegedly wanted to leave off Navigating (which they gave the lore video to, lmao) and kept Lavish. Which is fair because it's a banger and a nice break from everything else, but it's also just telling to me that they very intentionally did a song about industry bullshit on this album, the most direct they've gotten since Lane Boy.
Like either their label or someone in the industry did something to piss them off that we don't know about, or it's a generalized frustration. I have to imagine it would hurt to be Grammy noms/winners two albums in a row and then be paid dust the minute you do something a little different. Or (purely speculating here) to experience label pressure to have another album cycle like blurryface, when that's virtually impossible to replicate unless you're, like, taylor swift specifically, and when it inevitably doesn't happen they start pulling back on financing/promoting you/helping you get nominations the same way they used to. They're fucking you behind your back and you can't really do much about it because they're the ones with the money and the influence, and you're supposed to trust them to take care of/care about your work. Like tĆøp has never been a band that values itself on award or critical recognition, it's always been for us, but creatively speaking the whiplash of going right from your most commercially successful album, to your most critically acclaimed album, then to your most criticized - and to a degree you now just assume your time as a critical/commercial darling has passed, which Tyler seems to - would have to hurt. It would have to.
Honestly tho he probably just knew he cooked with the proctologist line and needed everyone else to know too
#twenty one pilots#clancy#tyler joseph#josh dun#i will admit sai is not my favorite album i do find it flawed However it also has some of their greatest work#and it's their most visually cohesive and creative album#i think honestly for me it just came out at the wrong time because i was very lukewarm when it dropped#but i was also in a very weird awful place & as soon as i got out of that i really started to appreciate SAI#and i appreciate it a lot as an artistic risk because i think they knew it ran the risk of being taken poorly#especially by casuals or non fans because i think SAI is fundamentally for the clique and no one else#(clancy is too but in a different way)#idk it's such a weird wonderful messy little album and i hope they know a lot of people appreciate it for what it is#also transgender dragon album cover my beloved wooo hoooooooo šš³ļøāš#also also if you genuinely hold hate in your heart for bounce man in the year 2024 i think you are a miserable person in some core way#and im sorry for you. a little man committed a crime have some fucking whimsy
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(idk if anyone wants to keep hearing my opinions on totk book stuff but-)
apparently it says that rauru DID have kids, multiple even, which yeah... is kinda necessary for zelda to even be connected to them so much so that sonia can SENSE a blood connection (which, even with all the excuses with magic, is just a little too far for me to suspend my disbelief bc its over, OVER, ten thousand years worth of generations that seperate her from them that one lil touch of the hand can sense that (feels more like an attempt to make you care about them or .. see them as zeldas "better" parents just bc they exchange a few nice words, i never got the feeling they were 'better' parents and its also kinda disrespectful to her actual parents, like sure rhoam wasnt the best but i wouldnt call rauru better just bc he was polite)- i could see maybe the light power of hylia or sth but since its the coolest dude that ever lived rauru now that had it which still doesnt make sense and makes me unreasonably annoyed and she can sense BOTH of their powers in her? nah) the fact theres NOTHING about them in the game itself is just so ... no way they planned any of this
i dont think theres anything they can do or say that wont make be believe they either
are making it up alla 'fix it in post' mentality trying to hastily explain stuff the game never bothers to do to try and appease fans or let it appear as if they thought about it at all
something went really REALLY wrong during development, which kinda seems likely given how the game turned out (im sorry i cannot let go, its not just the writing, the game design too and how little was changed in the map while being so damn expensive, i dont know how people dont feel scammed q_q)
given that they (allegedly) spent the last entire year of development on polish (where??? where????? huh??? like it would make it more understandable (EXCEPT for the price) if there was alot of trouble, which was also bc it got delayed and ... turned out like this, but they dont want to say it, especially given their reputation, with that quote i have heard way too many times 'a delayed game blah blah') i just??
are they just gonna go and do it like they did with kashiwa (kass)? "they uuuh where flying around the whole time ony cool sonau tech maschines, you just dont see or hear from them ooooorrr they were uuuuh out of the country at the time" (sending invitations to other continents to join their glorious kingdom ;) )
(bet they are also gonna say they did all the stuff like ... moving the shrines around (lol?) and lifting the islands up into the sky- which is still weird bc ... didnt they also say they were living in the sky before coming to the surface?? so where?? did they park all their islands on the surface and the mystery kids had the keys so they had to repark them back into the sky after they returned off camera?? xD also why are the islands so different as an environment if they where from the surface? like even the STONE up there is different- and if they were first in the sky then on the surface and the nback in the sky .. why is there not a single yellow tree or grass in the past- you cant really argue that it changed bc they were up there so long bc .. nothing else changed, the suddendly and totally always there sonau buildings are largely in prime condition, only some slightly moldy, and what we see of the glorious past looks barely any different from the present, aside from like ... some standard trees shuffled, no castle yet and that glowy uwu filter DESPITE that stupidly long time frame between it)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#idk if others feel like that too but i cant shake the feeling there was something that either went horribly wrong during development-#-or the entire thing was neglected the whole time which is why its so .. i hesitate to even call it bare bones#...which is WILD given that its the supposed sequel to their best seeling zela game#like wtf where you doing#i get that the pressure can be immense but imo it wasnt that hard to make a sequel to thats better than totk#like i think it was harder to make totk like it is NOW bc it scraps and throws away so many things you could have easily used-#-as sequel material#its all so weird to me#my tin foil hat theory is still that they saw the success of the mario movie and immediately shifted everything to make more movies#bc it made so much money#and a movie is easier to make than a good game#so totk or botw2 at the time got the short end of the stick#which is why everything feels like .. so ... bare bones .. untested .. unfinished .. non sensical...#like an alpha build that got enough visual polish to look like a full game when its still an alpha build at its core#some main ideas like the abilities implemented and the basic map layers#mechanics functioning but untested on how it feels to play#like the sage controls and arrow fusing and ... contradictory game mechanics that dont work together#like the bulding WORKS but its clunky and underused- everything can be cheated so easily you dont even feel good cheating-#-bc it feels like the teacher just allowed you to mark your test with a green circle and you still got an A (or however USA grades work)#despite not even reading the questions- why attempt to solve a puzzle if you can just skip it#and how they tell you to be creative with it yet creativity gets punished and only efficiency is rewarded#which completely undermines the entire thing#...theres so much more you know i have ranted about it all before#ALSO rauru and sonia seemed like a rather newly wed couple to me- not one that had multiple kids that never appear-#since it only mentions rauru ..... if its only his then ... that doesnt explain anything bc zelda needs both sonia and rauru dna#................do sonau leave eggs to incubate somewhere heavenly or sth#watch out the springs where built to hatch rauru eggs bc they need the gods holy blessing bc they are oh so holy to hatch
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Hard thing to come to terms with is that most of the irreparable damage dealt to you isnāt gonna be done by evil people hellbent on torturing you. Itās gonna be done thoughtlessly by people who donāt know better, or werenāt thinking much of you at all, or just briefly forgot that you are a human being.
#it sucks. cause you want your suffering to mean as much to the cause as it does to you.#and it helps your narrative human brain to have a villain to funnel your rage towards#but thats hardly ever how this shit works.#and if it does then the blow hits different. ppl who hurt u with intent approach u like a person & its the dehumanizing that hurts the most#most of my bad experiences were done by people who were hurting or simply not thinking treating me like a means to an end or a punching bag#the worst thing thats ever happened to me was done by a complete stranger who didnāt Care.#we dont wanna admit Carelessnessā capacity for heartbreak cause all of us are careless. weāre Good People who never set out to hurt someone#but sometimes its enough to just. not recognize someone. be absent minded at the wrong time. get overwhelmed and lash out.#then BOOM. irreversible damage to the Eternally Unpredictable Otherās psyche. total accident.#most āvillainsā absent-mindedly stumble into the role by total accident. this consciousness shit sucks i wanna go back to monkeytown.#rose ramblings
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#been trying to figure out how to ādiscern Godās Willā for years now#and think somethings finally starting to hit me#went through this phase where it was like I know Godās Will because he has Revealed it to me (wrong)#or at least like. itās not like here is a prophetic dream of all your future and now you must make sure your decisions line up with that#<-not how it works#then I went through this phase like how can I make Any decision if I donāt know the exact decision God would have me make here? i donāt have#the roadmap how do I know which way to turn?#<-contrary to popular belief life is NOT a Highway#then I went through a phase like oh! i have to be ok not knowing and trust God! leave that all to him and just do the thing in front of me!#<-yes!! but also. still leaves me incapable of making decisions#but now Iām getting to this construct:#for trying to make decisions:#1. orient your desires toward pleasing God#ie. hm. what can I do to please God?#note: this means what can I do to *please God* as in what pleases him?#what kinds of things are good what does he like?#2. oh! he likes these kinds of things I know (from what heās told us) so what can *I* do to please God#based on what my skills and passions and circumstances are#in my unique way how can I please God?#and then 3. pursue some of those things and let God close and open doors as he will#and work to be content which is much easier when your goal is just to please him! like a lover their beloved or a child their parent#cause if that doesnāt please Him then itās contrary to your goal and you donāt mind losing it so much#*this is all in a case of open ended decisions especially#cause obviously if itās a good choice or a bad choice you should do the right thing thatās Godās will#but when itās like jobs or moves or spouses of restaurants or whatever#Godās not a fortune cookie! you canāt anticipate his providence and make it happen yourself!#heās *providing* it as you go! unbeknownst to you generally!#anyways! thatās where Iām landing#what can I do to *please God*. what can *I* do to please God. what *can* I do to please God
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Bro I hate fundamentalists and culturally-fundie parents they'll say shit like "spare the rod spoil the child am I right haha yea my parents used to have to beat my ass with a switch almost everyday but I sure did learn my lesson" but like??? no you didn't??? you were hit multiple times for something you very obviously did not, in fact, learn
Like studies about how harmful even lightly spanking children is aside, you're literally contradicting yourself?? Some even admitted they got worse as they got older cause they wanted to see how far they could push their parents before they got punished
And studies not aside, you're gonna get child raising advice from the same book that tells you to stone your wife if her hymen doesn't break on your wedding night instead of the decades of research we have now?? Just say you're a bad parent and move on my guy. Skill issue
#bro I had a coworker go 'unpopular opinion I think some kids really do need beatings' and I'm like????#unprompted???? what's going on there????#well anyways I ended up going 'yea so I plan on specializing in play therapy with autistic children so I've been learning about talking#to children and the ways their parents and environment affects them'#and they're like hmmm but beating this kid with a stick after they broke something or I upset them to the point of yelling is good actually#had a boss say it taught him and his kids respect cause they were hard-headed#and I'm like?? that's fear not respect! they fear punishment! they do not act out of respect for you!#he's a conservative christian black man tho so he's like 'But Authority!' like bro I don't even respect you what are you on about#'You don't respect police and their authority?' Nope! I fear them! I do not respect cops and every cop/cop-adjacent person I personally know#has reinforced that for me#'We'll agree to disagree' Cool! Doesn't mean you're not wrong! I could believe trees aren't real but that is in fact incorrect#then he pulled out the bible verse and I was like ah okay I forgot you like 'here's how to treat slaves' book you're so right bestie#I'm totally wrong now and so sorry for doubting you and your 2000+ year old book I don't believe in <3#They'd go 'well I turned out fine!' then say something that directly contradicts that#anyways I need christians to get their grubby little hands off the current state of Child Protection and Rights in the U.S.#So we can actually start working on helping kids without the force of christian hands suffocating them#cause homeschooling and child raising by evangelicals are so fucked up bro I'm tired of this shit#I'd only stay in my current state to help children get out of that cycle since I'm in the bible belt#ex christian#religious trauma#child abuse tw
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Spider-Man India, but... where from India?
A SUPER long post featuring talks of: cultural identity, characterisation, the caste system, and what makes Spider-Man Spider-Man.
Iām prefacing this by saying that I am a second-generation immigrant. I was born in Australia, but my cultural background is from South India. My experiences with what it means to be āIndianā is going to be very different from the experiences of those who are born and brought up in India.
If you, reader, want to add anything, please reblog and add your thoughts. This is meant to be a post open for discussion ā the more interaction we get, the better we become aware of these nuances.
So I made this poll asking folks to pick a region of India where I would draw Pavitr Prabhakar in their cultural wear. This idea had been on my mind for a long while now, as I had been inspired by Annie Hazarikaās Northeastern Spidey artwork in the wake of ATSVās release, but never got the time to actually do it until now. I wanted to get a little interactive and made the poll so I could have people choose which of the different regions ā North, Northeast, Central, East, West, South ā to do first.
The outcome was not what I expected. As you can see, out of 83 votes:
THE RESULTS
South India takes up almost half of all votes (44.6%), followed by Northeast and Central (both 14.5%) and then East (13.3%). In all my life growing up, support towards or even just the awareness of South India was pretty low. Despite this being a very contained poll, why would nearly half of all voters pick South India in favour of other popular choices like Central or North India?
Then I thought about the layout of the poll: Title, Options, Context.
Title: "Tell us who you want to seeā¦"
Options: North, Northeast, Central, East, West, South
Context: I want to make art of the boy again
At first I thought: ah geez. this is my fault. I didn't make the poll clear enough. do they think I want them to figure out where Pavitr came from? That's not what I wanted, maybe I should have added the context before the options.
Then I thought: ah geez. is it my fault for people not reading the entire damn thing before clicking a button? That's pretty stupid.
But regardless, the thought did prompt a line of thinking I know many of us desi folk have been considering since Spider-Man India was first conceived ā or, at least, since the announcement that he was going to appear in ATSV. Hell, even I thought of it:
Where did Spider-Man India come from?
FROM A CULTURALLY DIVERSE INDIA
As we know, India is so culturally diverse, and no doubt ATSV creators had to take that into account. Because the ORIGINAL Spider-Man India came from Mumbai ā most likely because Mumbai and Manhattan both started with the same letter.
But going beyond that, itās also because Mumbai is one of the most recognisable cities in India - itās also known as Bombay. Itās where Bollywood films are shot. Itās where superstar Hindi actors and actresses show up. Mumbai is synonymous with India in that regard, because the easiest way Western countries can interact with Indian culture is through BOLLYWOOD, through HINDI FILMS, through MUMBAI. Suddenly, India is Mumbai, India is a Hindi-only country, India is just this isolated thing we see through an infinitely narrow lens.
Weāve gotten a little better in recent years, but boy I will tell you how uncomfortable Iāve gotten when people (yes, even desi people) come up to me and tell me, Oh, youāre Indian right? Can you speak Hindi? Why donāt you speak Hindi? Youāre not Indian if you donāt speak Hindi, thatās Indiaās national language!
I have been ā still am ā so afraid of telling people that I donāt speak Hindi, that Iām Tamil, that I donāt care that Hindi is Indiaās ānationalā language (itās an administrative language, Kavin, get your fucking facts right). Itās weird, itās isolating, and it has made me feel like I wasnāt āIndianā enough to be accepted into the group of āIndianā people.
So I am thankful that ATSV went out of their way to integrate as much variety of Indian culture into the Mumbattan sequence. Maybe that way, the younger generation of desi folk wonāt feel so isolated, and that younger Western people will be more open to learning about all these cultural differences within such a vast country.
BUT WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH SPIDER-MAN INDIA?
Everything, actually. Thereās a thing called supremacy. You might have heard of it. We all engaged with it at some point, and if you are Indian, no matter where you live, it is inescapable.
It happens the moment you are born ā who your family is, where you are born, the language you speak, the colour of your skin; these will be bound to you for life, and it is nigh impossible to break down the stereotypes associated with them.
Certain ethnic groups will be more favourable than others (Centrals, and thus their cultures, will always be favoured over than Souths, as an example) and the same can be said for social groups (Brahmins are more likely to secure influential roles in politics or other areas like priesthood, while the lowers castes, especially Dalits, arenāt even given the decency of respect). Donāt even get me started on colourism, where obviously those of fairer skin will win the lottery while those of darker skin arenāt given the time of day. Itās even worse when morality ties into it ā ālighter skinned Indians, like Brahmins, embody good qualities like justice and wisdomā, ādark skinned Indians are cunning and poor, they are untrustworthyā. Itās fucking nuts.
This means, of course, you have a billion people trying to make themselves heard in a system that tries to crush everyone who is not privileged. It only makes sense that people want to elevate themselves and break free from a society that refuses to acknowledge them. These frustrations manifest outwardly, like in protests, but other times ā most times ā it goes unheard, quietly shaping your way of life, your way of thinking. It becomes a fundamental part of you, and it can go unacknowledged for generations.
So when you have a character like Pavitr Prabhakar enter the scene, people immediately latch onto him and start asking questions many Western audiences donāt even consider. Who is he? What food does he eat? What does he do on Fridays? Whatās his family like, his community? All these questions pop up, because, amidst all this turmoil going on in the background, you want a mainstream popular character to be like you, who knows your way of life so intimately, that he may as well be a part of your community.
BUT THAT'S THE THING ā HE'S FICTIONAL
I am guilty of this. In fact, Iāve flaunted in numerous posts how I think heās the perfect Tamil boy, how he dances bharatanatyam, how he does all these Tamil things that no one will understand except myself. All these niche things that only I, and maybe a few others, will understand.
Iāve seen other people do it, too. Iāve seen people geek out over his dark brown skin, his kalari dhoti, how he fights so effortlessly in the kalaripayattu martial arts style. Iāve seen people write him as Malayali, as Hindi, as every kind of Indian person imaginable.
Iāve also seen him be written where heās subjected to typical Indian and broader Asian stereotypes. You know the ones Iām so fond of calling out. The thing is, Iāve seen so much of Pavitr being presented in so many different ways, and I worry how the rest of the desi folk will take it.Ā
You finally have a character who could be you, but now heās someone elseās plaything. Your entire life is shaped by what you can and canāt do simply because you were born to an Indian family, and hereās the one person who could represent you now at the mercy of someone elseās whims. Heās off living a life that is so distant from yours, you can hardly recognise him.
It shouldnāt hurt as much as it does, yeah? But, again, youāre looking at it from that infinitely narrow lens Westerners use to look at India from Bollywood.
AND PAVITR PRABHAKAR DOESN'T LIVE IN INDIA
He lives in Mumbattan. He lives in a made-up, fictional world that doesnāt follow the way of life of our world. He lives in a city where Mumbai and Manhattan got fucking squashed together. There are so many memes about colonialism right there. Mumbattan isnāt real! Spider-Man India isnāt real!! Heās just a dude!! The logic of our world doesnāt apply to him!!!
āBut his surname originates from ______ā okay but does that matter?
āBut heās wearing a kalari dhoti so surely heās ______ā okay but does that matter?
āBut his skin colour is darker so he must be ______ā okay but does that matter?
āBut he lives in Mumbai so he must be ______ā okay but does that matter?
I sound insensitive and brash and annoying and it looks like Iām yapping just for the sake of riling you up, so direct that little burst of anger you got there at me, and keep reading.
Listen. Iām going to ask you a question that Iāve asked myself a million times over. I want you to answer honestly. I want you to ask this question to yourself and answer honestly:
Are you trying to convince me on who Pavitr Prabhakar should be?
... but why shouldn't i?
Iāll tell you this again ā I did the same thing. Youāre not at fault for this, but I want you to just...have a little think over. Just a little moment of self-reflection, to think about why you are so intent on boxing this guy.
It took me a while to reorganise my thinking and how to best approach a character like Pavitr, so I will give you all the time you need as well as a little springboard to focus your thoughts on.
SPIDER-MAN (INDIA) IS JUST A MASK
āWhat I like about the costume is that anybody reading Spider-Man in any part of the world can imagine that they themselves are under the costume. And thatās a good thing.ā
Stan Lee said that. Remember how he was so intent on making sure that everybody got the idea that Spider-Man as an entity is fundamentally broken without Peter Parker there to put on the suit and save the day? That ultimately it was the person beneath the mask, no matter who they were, that mattered most?
Spider-Man India is no less different. You can argue with me that Peter Parker!Spidey is supposed to represent working class struggles in the face of leering corporate entities who endanger the regular folk like us, and so Pavitr Prabhakar should also function the same way. Pavitr should also be a working class guy of this specific social standing fighting people of this other social standing.
But that takes away the authenticity of Spider-Man India. Looking at him through the Peter Parker lens forces you to look at him through the Western lens, and it significantly lessens what you can do with the character ā suddenly, itās a fight to be heard, to be seen, to be recognised. Itās yelling over each other that Pavitr Prabhakar is this ethnicity, is that caste, this or that, this or that, this or that.
Thereās a reason why heās called Spider-Man India, infuriatingly vague as it is. And thatās the point ā the vagueness of his identity fulfils Leeās purpose for a character that could theoretically be embodied by anyone. If he had been called āSpider-Man Mumbaiā, you cut out a majority of the population (and in capitalist terms, you cut out a good chunk of the market).
And in the case of Spider-Man India? Whew ā youāve got about a billion people imagining a billion different versions of him.
Whoever you are, whatever you see in Pavitr, that is what is personal to you, and there is nothing wrong with that, and I will not fault you for it. I will not fault you for saying Pavitr is from Central due to the origins of his last name. I also will not fault you for saying Pavitr is from South due to him practising kalaripayattu. I also will not fault you for saying he is not Hindu. I also will not fault you for saying he is a particular ethnicity without any proof.
What I will fault you for is trying to convince me and the others around you that Pavitr Prabhakar should be this particular ethnicity/have this cultural background because of some specific reason. I literally donāt care and it is fundamentally going against his character, going against the āanyone can wear the maskā sentiment of Spider-Man. By doing this, you are strengthening the walls that first divided us. Youāre feeding the stratification and segmentation of our cultures ā something that is actually not present in the fictional world of Mumbattan.
Like I said before: Mumbattan isnāt real, so the divides between ethnicities and cultural backgrounds are practically nonexistent. The best thing is that it is visually there for all to see. My favourite piece of evidence is this:
Itās a marquee for a cinema in the Mumbattan sequence, in the āQuick tour: this is where the traffic isā section. It has four titles; the first two are written in Hindi. The third title is written in Bengali*, and the fourth title is written in Tamil. You go to Mumbai and you wonāt see a single shred of Bengali nor Tamil there, much less any other language that's not common in Maharashtra (Western India). Seeing this for the first time, you know what went through my head?
Wow, the numerous cultures of India are so intermingled here in Mumbattan! Everyone and everything is welcome!
I was happy, not just because of Tamil representation, but because of the fact that the plethora of Indian cultures are showcased coexisting in such a short sequence. This is India embracing all the little parts that make up its grander identity. This scene literally opened my eyes seeing such beauty in all the diverse cultures thriving together. In a place where language and cultural backgrounds blend so easily, each one complementing one another.
It is so easy to believe that, from this colourful palette of a setting, Pavitr Prabhakar truly is Spider-Man India, no matter where he comes from.
Itās easy to believe that Pavitr can come from any part of India, and I wonāt call you out if the origin you have for him is different from the origin I have. You donāt need to stake out territory and stand your ground ā youāre entitled to that opinion, and I respect it. In fact, I encourage it!!!
Because thereās only so much you can show in a ten minute segment of a film about a country that has such a vast history and even greater number of cultures. I want to see all of it ā I want him to be a Malayali boy, a Hindi boy, a Bengali boy, a Telugu boy, an Urdu boy, whatever!! I want you to write him or draw him immersed in your culture, so that I can see the beauty of your background, the wonderful little things that make your culture unique and different from mine!
And, as many friends have said, itās so common for Indian folks to be migrating around within our own country. A person with a Maharashtrian surname might end up living in Punjab, and no one really minds that. Iām actually from Karnataka, my family speaks Kannada, but somewhere down the line my ancestors moved to Tamil Nadu and settled down and lived very fulfilling lives. So I donāt actually have the āpure Tamilā upbringing, contrary to popular belief; Iāve gotten a mix of both Kannada and Tamil lifestyles, and itās made my life that much richer.Ā
So itās common for people to ānotā look like their surname, if thatās what youāre really afraid about. In fact, it just adds to that layer of nuance, that even despite these rigid identities between ethnicities we as Indian people still intermingle with one another, bringing slivers of our cultures to share with others. Pavitr could just as well have been born in one state and moved around the country, and he happens to live in Mumbattan now. Itās entirely possible and thereās nothing to disprove that.
We donāt need to clamber over one another declaring that only one ethnicity is the ārightā ethnicity, because, again, you will be looking at Pavitr and the rest of India in that narrow Western lens ā a country with such rich cultural variety reduced to a homogenous restrictive way of life.
THE POLL: REINTERPRETED
This whole thing started because I was wondering why my little poll was so skewed ā I thought people assumed I was asking them where he came from, then paired his physical appearance with the most logical options available. I thought it was my fault, that I had somehow influenced this outcome without knowing.
Truth is, I will never really know. But I will be thankful for it, because it gave me the opportunity to finally broach this topic, something that many of us desi folk are hesitant to talk about. I hope you have learned something from this, whether you are desi or a casual Spider-Man fan or someone who just so happened to stumble upon this.Ā
So justā¦be a little more open. Recognise that India, like many many countries and nations, is made up of a plethora of smaller cultures. And remember, if youāre trying to convince Pavitr that heās a particular ethnicity, heās going to wave his hand at you and say, āHa, me? No, Iām one of the people that live here in the best Indian city! Iām Spider-Man India, dost!ā
(Regardless, he still considers you a friend, because to him, the people matter more to him than you trying to box him into something heās not.)
*Note: thank you dear anon for letting me know that the third title was Bengali, twas my mistake for literally completely forgetting
#long post + more tags that kinda spiral away BUT expand on the points above AND kinda puts everything together concisely#BROS THIS IS AN HONEST TO GOD ESSAY#THAT HAS BEEN COOKING IN MY HEART FOR A WHILE NOW. SIMMERING FOR MONTHS BEFORE FINALLY BOILING OVER IN THE LAST WEEK#genuinely hope you read MOST of it because yes it has Quite A Lot Of Exposition but it all matters nonetheless#put in a lot of thought into this so i expect you to do your part and challenge your thoughts as well#you see how i'm not asking for you to listen to me. but to actually Think. i want you to cook your thoughts and add some spice and flavour#and give it a good mix so you can come out of this a little more wiser than before#because!!! yeah!!!! spider man india is just that!! he's indian!!!!! we don't need to collectively agree on where he comes from#bc it gets rid of that relatability factor of spider man. at the most basic level#think of it as a schrodinger's. he is every single culture and none of them at the same time. therefore none of us are wrong!! sick!!!!#pavitr's first priority is making sure HIS PEOPLE are safe. that's probably as far as we can go that relates him back to peter parker spide#he loves his people and working in the name of justice to FIGHT for HIS PEOPLE is just the duty/responsibility he takes up#it makes sense that he loves everyone and every culture he engages with bc that's the nature of spider man i suppose#if peter parker spidey acts as the guardian for the regular folk.. then in my mind pavitr spidey stands as the bridge uniting the people#because society as its core is very fragmented. and having pavitr act as a connection to other folks.... mmmmm beautiful#that's what i'm talking abouttttt !!!#anyways guys this is literally 3001 words on my document EXCLUDING THE TITLE. THAT'S 7 PAGES AT 11pt FONT. i'm literally cryingggg wtf#pavitr prabhakar#spider man#spider man india#desi#desiblr#atsv#across the spiderverse#atsv pavitr#indian culture#india#desi tumblr#what the fuck do i tag this as#agnirambles
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Forgive me if I'm a bit nervous about Gorgug this season. It's just that the last Zac Oyama pc was Colin Provolone, who was arguably one of his greatest D20 performances, if not the greatest.
Zac always does great with every pc he plays, but Colin was something else. He came out swinging with actions and words that were teeming with unspoken emotional baggage. The way Colin's presence affected the other pcs; there was this level of depth that I don't think I've seen in any of his other characters. It was understated and quiet in that signature "just a guy" way that he tends to be, while still captivating everyone instantly with just how raw it was.
Not to say we haven't seen emotional depth in Gorgug. It's just that, compared to the other Bad Kids, Gorgug's journey and progression as a character has been very... impersonal? Like, yes, he found his birth parents, and he found friends who appreciate him, and he faced his insecurities about his intelligence, and he navigated relationship troubles, and his trial through the claustrophobic bug-tunnels was a horrifically-uncanny parallel to how he's spent his entire life trying to make himself as small as possible.
But how much of that has actually changed him from the Gorgug we started with? I would agree that he's definitely happier with his life, given all the loving and supportive people that have been added to it when it used to be just him and his parents. And he's certainly grown into himself and become more self-assured in his abilities, even if he's still, and always will be, our anxious little guy. And there's nothing wrong with that. I've always liked how Gorgug was a representation of all the little things. The subtle acts and kindnesses that don't seem like much to most, but to some are everything.
We don't need another Bad Kid living in fear that their mouth could be shit-in at any moment. We've already got one-too-many.
All that being said, I just feel like Gorgug's personal story beats are much easier to sweep under the rug than everyone else's. He has the same soft and understated quality that Colin held, but they lack that extra oomph that pushed Colin over the edge from being just another guy in a series of dudes, to a character that the vast majority of us could not get out of our heads. He took someone who was anxious and softspoken, who ultimately never wanted to be violentā someone who is remarkably similar to Gorgug in many waysā and maintained that demeanor and core in Colin's character while still hitting us in the feels with character development at max velocity at every turn.
I think Zac gets better and better at this with every season that goes by. With each new character, there is always something that leaves me stunned in awe. And it's been, what, three? Four years since we last saw Gorgug?
I'm just,,, I'm cautiously optimistic but also going into a bit of a worry about what violence this man may inflict upon us
#i got SO carried away LMAO#i dont think ive ever written any posts about gorgug specifically#i made a lot about colin. and some about pib. and some more about zacs performances in general.#but never anything gorgug-focused. i just wasnt on tumblr at those other times that hed been on my mind like this#you can tell i still couldnt resist talking about colin lol#he was just so fucking good. a fantastic character all around. i cant imagine a better example to get my point across than him#when i do posts like this its all very much just me taking a vague idea and working with whatever comes out in the moment#so when i tell you i very much did not plan to get lost in the counterargument and had to stop for a second to remember what my point was#my point still stands but so does everything else#you dont realize it. how similar gorgug and colin really are. or how metaphorical the bug tunnel was.#or how gorgug IS the epitome of little details. small acts. quiet rights and wrongs. the faint causes and the even subtler effects.#u dont truly realize it until youre writing it yourself in a free flow fugue state and it all comes to a halt cuz youve blown your own mind#anyway i love gorgug and i love zac pcs and i hope this post makes sense cuz finding the right words was fucking hard hah#dimension 20#d20#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#fantasy high sophomore year#fhsy#gorgug thistlespring#the ravening war#trw#colin provolone#zac oyama
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