#kind of a carmy moment from the bear LOL

[theloveinc]

It's a little bit further into your relationship with art student!Bakugo and you've been working together now for the good portion of two semesters...

Except for whatever reason, your professor assigns him a different model for the upcoming final, and when you go to look for him after class (since at the announcement, he stormed out of the room in frustration, slamming back his desk and knocking over the overflowing recycling bin by the door), you find him weeping in frustration in the janitor's closet next door adhfnlkjadshfk

[zorrasucia]

can we get your take on the trapped inside the fridge trope? enemies to lovers vibes between reader and carmy? pls and congrats on 300 followers

Hello, Anon! Thank you ☺️💜

And yes definitely! I went for a version where they get trapped a week or so before opening night - I love Carmy with all my heart but he would be absolutely unfuckable that day lol

Send a request for my 300 followers celebration! 🥂

Michelin star chef Carmen Berzatto had already gone through two of the stages of grief after finding out that you two were trapped inside the walk in fridge. He had loudly declared 'this can't be happening' about twenty times, trying the handle over and over: denial. Then, he slammed the door with his fists and palms, cursing at the top of his lungs, screaming his throat raw for no one to hear: anger.

"Fucking manchild," you mumbled under your breath while he screamed through the phone, trying to get "the fridge guy" to get you two out.

You had been training at the kitchen of The Bear for the past couple of weeks, preparing for their opening, and your opinion of Carmy was less than stellar already.

"The fuck were you still doing here anyway?" he barked, like he had suddenly remembered you were there too.

You sighed.

"You asked me to stay, Chef," you emphasized. Was it mature and productive to play the blame game? No. But you were exhausted and cold and tired of Carmy's bullshit. "You asked me to re-label the produce because the tape was torn, not cut."

Carmy looked at the containers right in front of him, his gaze vacant as one tattooed finger traced the edges of torn out tape, one of the last few you had left to replace.

"Right," he exhaled. He seemed to have tired himself out. "What time is it?"

You checked your phone. "Quarter past midnight."

"Fuck."

"Yeah, fuck," you agreed, crossing your arms to stay warm.

Carmy looked at you, his blue eyes fixed on your face as a shiver went down your spine.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Just fine. Freezing myself to death is all," you snarked.

He seemed to hesitate for a moment, then quickly removed his chef whites, and offered them to you.

"I'm fine," you repeated but then a second shiver went through you. "Thanks, Chef," you accepted reluctantly. The fabric was warm from his body, smelling of aftershave and sweat - manly. You wished you didn't enjoy the scent as much as you did.

He put hands in his pockets, keeping warm now that he was only wearing his t-shirt. Your eyes studied the tattoos on his arms and hands trying to guess the meaning or beauty behind them, stubbornly refusing to break the heavy silence between you.

His phone chimed.

"It's, uh, Tony, the fridge guy," Carmy said. "Says he can be here in an hour."

"Plus however long he takes to get us out," you guessed. Carmy nodded. Then, he shivered.

Fuck.

You couldn't believe you were going to suggest this.

"Want a hug?" you offered, looking down.

"Mmm?" Carmy cocked his head, genuinely confused.

"I said, do you want a hug?" you repeated, arms uncrossing. "You're freezing and I'm freezing and we've got at least an hour and a half more of this bullshit."

He stood in silence for a whole minute.

"Alright."

He moved closer to you, hands by his sides, completely still, waiting for you to make the move. There was something endearing about it, you thought as you laced your arms around his wide shoulders, solid muscle under your palms. You were practically the same height, his curls tickled your cheek.

"This okay?" you asked.

"Yes, better," he agreed reluctantly, his voice vibrating through your chest.

You felt like you were holding a statue. Maybe it was a good thing - it would be a little fucked up if the Carmy Berzatto was eager to hold you tight and touch your body. However, a part of you, the part that loved his smell and liked the look of his arms, kind of hoped he would hug you back.

"You can hold me, if you want," you whispered.

He took a step closer and wrapped his arms around your waist, his exhale caressing your neck.

You stood there, in silence, for a while, unnaturally still. You rubbed your thumb over his shoulder for a bit, it made it feel more like a real hug and less awkward.

All of a sudden, Carmy cleared his throat and moved away.

"You okay?" you asked.

He turned his back to you, hands on his hips.

"I, uh, yes, I'm fine," he replied, voice choked up.

"I'm not going to report you to HR or anything, if that's what you're worried about," you mumbled, suddenly feeling very guilty. "Or if I made you uncomfortable-"

He shook his head. "No, no. It's not your-" he stopped himself.

"My f-fault?" you finished, shivering again. The cold seemed to double down now that his body wasn't shielding you and you wanted him back where he was.

"It isn't. It's just been a while," he ended cryptically, glancing over his shoulder towards you, face flushed even with the cold, rearranging his apron to better cover his crotch. And suddenly you understood. You didn't make him uncomfortable, if anything he was too comfortable in your embrace.

"Oh."

"Yeah," he looked up at the ceiling.

"Chef, it's fine," you tried to reassure him. He huffed incredulously. "It is."

Carmy ran his hands through his hair. You followed the lines of muscle you could guess under his t-shirt - it was a distracting sight. You were flushed down to the neck, warmth invading your belly, and it was way past midnight...

"Chef?" he only gave you a tense hum in response. "Can I help?"

"With what?" he replied brusquely. He was angry, again. He was hard for you and angry - why couldn't he just pick one?

"Never fucking mind," you rolled your eyes. "I was going to offer you a quick fuck but if you're going to be insufferable about that too then I guess you can will your boner away and die mad about it," you spat.

Carmy turned towards you with dark eyes.

"You weren't," he denied roughly. "Why would you? You weren't."

"Because I think you're hot and it feels nice being desired," you shrugged.

This wasn't about being in love or some bullshit, you had known each other for two weeks and you were pretty sure he hadn't really noticed you for most of that time. He was horny, you were willing, and you were both cold as fuck.

He took two steps and suddenly he was in your space, forehead almost touching yours.

"Would you still?" he asked simply, his breath tickling your lips.

"Yeah," you exhaled.

"Even with me being insufferable about it?" he insisted.

"Well, then I guess you better make me come," you dared him.

"Okay."

"Okay."

Carmy grabbed you in his arms and kissed you hard, cornering you against the shelves, his body warm and eager against yours. You ran your fingers through his hair, a little greasy from the day, but still soft and addicting to pull on. He groaned into your mouth. His nimble fingers untied his apron and yours, breaking a bruising kiss to throw them on the floor. He didn't attempt to remove any other piece of clothing.

"Not sure you've got your priorities straight," you sassed when he started kissing your neck and touching your breasts over your shirt.

He angled his hips so that you could feel his cock hard against your center. You moaned.

"Don't I?" he teased right back, smiling into your skin.

"Fuck you," you said without bite, panting as he ground his hips against yours. "Shouldn't feel this good," you mumbled hazily.

"Hmm?"

He seemed lost in it, breathing hard into the skin of your neck, the tips of his fingers tracing cold lines on the small of your back, his palms squeezing your ass greedily.

"It shouldn't feel this good to dry hump in a fucking walk-in," you finished your sentence with a breathy laugh.

Behind you, the shelves were shaking with the steady rhythm of Carmy grinding against you.

His blue eyes searched for yours. "I said I'd make you come. And I will," he panted. "But it's been a fucking long while and I need you to be good for me, okay?" His hands held your hips even tighter.

"Yes, Chef," you exhaled, holding on to his shoulders, opening your legs, and letting him use you.

His movements turned desperate, messy thrusts and low grunts as he stared into your eyes and chased his pleasure. He was breathing into your open mouth, drunk on lust, pupils blown.

"Let go. It's okay, let go," you said, one hand caressing his face.

Carmy let out a sharp groan and closed his eyes, holding you tighter as he came down from his high.

"Fuck," he exhaled on the side of your face, spent. You liked that he sounded soft and needy.

"Not so angry now," you teased, fingers carding through his hair.

He laughed and kissed your cheek, your jaw, your neck... His fingers unbuttoned your trousers with ease, and his right hand went inside your underwear unceremoniously.

You hissed at the cold.

"Kind of glad you didn't get me naked, actually," you admitted with a smile.

"Seems like we both enjoyed it just fine," Carmy goaded when his index traced your folds and found you soaking wet.

You couldn't come up with another biting remark, not with his finger inside you and his lips crushing yours. His thumb caressed your clit, doing lazy circles while his index curled inside you.

"Fuck!"

"Good?" he asked.

"More," you pleaded, becoming needy and monosyllabic, arching your back when his middle finger went inside you too.

Carmy swallowed your moans, humming encouragingly as you rode his hand.

"That's it, that's it," he whispered when your pussy started squeezing his fingers.

"Fuck, like that," you whined, rolling your eyes, fluttering around his knuckles, squeezing his shoulders, feeling a wave of pleasure leave you breathless.

You held him tight as you felt the aftershocks, a little confused that he hadn't removed his hand yet but enjoying the feeling of fullness.

His thumb pressed on your clit again, sensitive after your release but still electrified. You let out a low moan.

"I can stop," Carmy offered just as his fingers arched inside you again, making you roll your eyes and shake in his embrace.

"Don't stop," you begged.

It was quicker this time. He had you figured out and ready, pliant under his touch, one leg hoisted over his hip as you unraveled for him.

"Yes, like that," he mumbled as your hips started moving with a will of their own, your pussy tight around his fingers, everything turning white and hot for a moment. He kissed you through it - messy and open mouthed, enjoying your undoing almost as much as you did.

There was a couple of minutes of beautiful silence between you, just your heavy breathing interrupting it.

He kissed the side of your face as he took his hand out of your underwear, wet to the palm. He cleaned it thoroughly with one of the dish towels he kept at the sides of his apron. You blushed at the sight.

"I can wash that for you," you offered.

"No, need," he said, tucking it inside his pocket. His blue eyes took you in completely. "Thank you, Chef."

You nodded, biting your lip.

The fridge guy arrived shortly after that. You two spent the small hours of the morning sat on the floor, not talking, not arguing. Carmy's hand shielded your face from the bright sparks of metal cutting metal.

Things would go back to normal. He would be insufferable in the morning, no doubt, screaming and demanding, losing his mind over torn out tape. But you could enjoy this, having him soft and tired, his arm around your shoulders, knowing well what his fingers felt like three knuckles deep inside you. 

[freedelusionshere]

S4 thoughts (sorry it's long)

That kitchen is Syd’s. Carmy is just the chef.

If Syd leaves in S4, Tina will be upset AF. She will then probably go in on Carmy because she holds back until she doesn’t, and she’s already issued him a warning about how he treats Syd.

I kind of need to see it? Like, she’ll be pissed and then she’ll ask him what’s going on with him, just like she did when he was trapped in the walk-in. And notice how he feels in that moment like he can tell the truth to Tina, who he knows won’t bullshit him, versus how he reacts to Claire and Richie (his past).

Marcus will have some shit to say, too. Because when he asked Carmy to take them there, he didn’t mean what Carmy does in S3. This is not The Blind Side, LOL, he meant the passion and creativity he brought to The Beef and lifting up others together.

I think a lot about how Syd and Carmy have sort of parented Tina and Marcus in the kitchen and then in S3 we see them collaborating (not Syd and Carmy) and inspiring each other and how they’re in such a different place now, so joyful; it’s not just a job anymore, they’re loving what they do now they know they have made something special together and feel inspired and are shown reveling in it.

What Carmy talked about in Legacy has already happened, whether he realizes it fully or not, but I think he does, because Syd asks him about whether or not he knew Ever was special when he was in the middle of doing it and he admits he did not. Carmy then invites Syd to the Ever dinner which suggests that he’s starting to rethink what he’s been doing and is giving her a direct introduction as an equal. And it’s the happiest we’ve seen her all season.

Richie is still caught up in all the family stuff like Carmy is, so he’ll blame Syd leaving on Carmy. But Richie knows exactly what is going on with Carmy, he lays it all out in Tomorow and in front of everyone (a true Berzatto fam move). But Richie still doesn’t want to deal with the Mikey baggage any more than Carmy does.

Syd has basically replaced Mikey at The Bear in hearts and minds Richie hasn’t fully accepted it yet, he’s preoccupied with his gentleman transformation and looking for alliances. She's not Mikey, but her arrival and her idea that it could be so different (as she tells Carmy in S1) actually holds space for others to become better. Like Chef Terry did for Carmy. Carmy knows how much Syd wanted to go to Noma and she sent Marcus instead!

Now, I think it’s going to come full circle in S4 with Luca being around. Luca knows Carmy and watched him like a hawk. He is on the other side of what Carny has been doing. He knows that Syd was at Ever for reasons and he’s asking her very prying personal questions about herself, just like Carmy and Marcus have tried to do and gets kind of shut down. Not all the way, because Syd lets it go on a bit longer than she did with Marcus or Carmy because Luca actually opens up and talks about himself. She’s still dodging, though!

Syd in S4 might try to run away from stuff which the show has talked about constantly but hasn't shown the why. At least not from her perspective, but since we're getting her having anxiety attacks and seeing flashbacks that mirror Carmy's, I think we will.

I have always thought since I started watching this show (which was very late, I watched the first episode and didn't pick it back up until later) that Syd is actually the main character of The Bear. She's the one who has influenced everything since the first episode. Yes, it's shown through Carmy's POV, but it's about her. All of his thoughts and behavior are centered on her.

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

Let's put the ship in partnership, shall we? - Extended version

Recipe to get this LONG-ASS meta-post: Be a Sydcarmy truther. Be impartial. Be open-minded. Be patient. Be super thorough with the embedded links 🔗, which are all pieces of this puzzle I've been putting together here and working on for months. There's a reason why this version is EXTENDED.

Bon apetite!

I don’t think I’m making myself clear enough when I say, when I pray, when I demand, that Syd stands by Donna Carmy at 🔗this, his darkest time, not to “fix” him, because obviously, OBVIOUSLY!!! that’s not her responsibility, but because he will lose the will and the strength to fix himself if she leaves him quits. All he does, right and wrong, he does it for her at this point, in his own twisted way. She's his driving force at this given moment in time. Full stop.

And even when he's the only one who can fix himself, it should be even more obvious to anyone with a pair of functioning eyes that he can't do that alone. There is no way on Earth. Yet right now, he is alone. Very. And he continues pushing everyone away from him, even Syd. But he only pushes her because he's convinced her presence is unwavering. And it actually is. He read her right. Usually, addicts hurt those they love the most, the most. And as they do that, they hurt themselves. Carmy is a textbook case. She will walk if she has to, he knows, but he trusts she won't, and at the same time, he's terrified she will if he fails her again. 🔗 Carmen Berzatto is capable of that kinda oxymoron. And more.

As Richie said: "he's locked in a prison of his own making". He read him to filth. LOL!

Syd is the only one who can change that. She's the twist 🔗 in his plot.

*(I've been saying this 🔗since S2, BTW in about 20 posts, tyvm).

Now, Syd is going through her own shitstorm and has a bunch of unsolved issues too, that she deals with or not, differently. She's a very layered character too who's caring but also as self-destructive as Carmen Berzatto. She is fearless but super insecure as well, she's not a workaholic but she's an overachiever and a perfectionist, she's a G woman with a huge heart, full of juxtapositions, just like him. And they chose each other, 🔗probably for all the reasons I just mentioned, knowing what they were getting into all along. They are adults. And they are brilliant. Not that emotionally intelligent, but brilliant nonetheless. He, in particular, has the emotional intelligence of a cactus and Syd is more advanced in that department, but not that much, she's Fort Knox, yet very kind. Precisely that duality of hers, combined with her incredible talent and hardworking nature is exactly what drives Carmy crazy and inspires him because she has what he feels he lost along the way: A HEART. Maybe deep down he even envys that about her... that wouldn't be a stretch. He's capable of that kinda oxymoron. And more.

Their "partnerSHIP":

They are not you, they are not me, they are just 2 people who need each other on an existential/evolutionary level to work on their issues and to grow as people through their partnership. They need to do the inner individual work but they won't do it unless they are together, that's the conflict/loophole of their love story.

The fact that this love story happens in a professional context is just that, context. The point is that it affects them on a personal level and that's exactly what they need because they need to make personal changes to grow as human beings, not as chefs. Although the professional growth, in their case, will be a by-product anyway, of course.

The Root of this conflict is: (we're getting soooo close, BEAR with me, chefs)

In Carmy’s world, deep inside, all that exists is Syd. He's not capable right now of any other level of reasoning. We could say he's incapacitated. Temporarily. She's his compass. This will pass. He will find himself again after this crisis. But not without her. The end of Carmen Berzatto.🔗

He doesn’t really care about the rest of the team, or about Claire for that matter except for the muddy guilt 🔗and frustration he feels surrounding their short-lived relationship, and he most definitely doesn’t care about himself in any way shape, or form other than being Syd’s star bearer. He has re-defined his entire identity based on the life goal of getting HER that bullshit star, out of love for her. She's HIS STAR🔗. That love that he feels for her is self-destructive (which he in some capacity knew all along before embarking on this journey with and for her) and yet he willingly and freely chose it, although he fought it at first. Well, quite frankly it's not like he put up too much of a fight...

Yes, he went about it all wrong BECAUSE he is an asshole:

He went all Donna about it and that rendered him Machiavellian, which means that according to him, his end of getting that star for Sydney, justified ANY means. He's a man of extremes, not of middle ground. Wanna take a walk in his hell? Be my guest → click here.🔗

BTW: That mind is actually Storer's because Carmy is based on him, as I mentioned here.🔗

Syd didn’t make him do that, of course, she inspired him. His love for her inspired him and still does. Yet he is not brave enough to admit it fully, he just sublimates it in this toxic way because it’s the only way he knows how to show it, for now. 🔗And of course, it’s not the right way. That’s exactly my point, he is wrong and if she walks he will NEVER get it right. She’s his muse.

Baby-sit vs Support - not the same thing

Does that mean that Syd has to sacrifice herself for him and his toxic ways of showing affection? Absofuckinglutely not! All Syd has to do is be there, set healthy boundaries because she’s the only one he listens to, and stand up for herself to show him, like only she knows how to, what’s right, and what's wrong. Sounds a lot like baby-sitting, or mothering, I know. But in this case it's called: SUPPORTING, because he's in need and they are partners. While he can be a piece of shit, as Syd is perfectly aware of, this is not a permanent state, it's a crisis and if it was the other way around, he would try to help her, and she would not let him. Because that's what they do, that's their dance. She knows how to ask for help, but prefers not to. He just doesn't know how to, and she's the only one who understands him well enough to provide it anyway and he accepts it from her, and from her only. If you don't get that nuance of their relationship, I'm sorry to break it to you, but with all due respect: you don't get THEM.

We are now even closer to the whole point I am trying to make -thanks for your patience-

Only if she chooses to prioritize their relationship over taking the risk of repeating this same pattern elsewhere with another chef, at another restaurant, for more money and the same role, no promotion, as I went over → HERE, 🔗she will be helping herself AND Carmy. "And" is the operative (and inclusive) word here. The other scenario requires the use of the EXCLUSIVE term "or" and that would be OC for her. And for me, TBH, but this is not about me.

We've reached the key point to really getting it YAY!→ The C word

There is a certain level of codependency here at this point of their relationship, yes. I hope you've noticed. It's inevitable. And that’s what happens in partnerships. Both parties depend on each other at times because they have to rely on each other, it’s not necessarily wrong or unhealthy although it can be, the line is very fine and it can easily be crossed. Yes. That’s another risk. And that is why real and healthy partnerships require adult people and compromise. The end result of a healthy codependent partnership is synergy. Very much like in a functional family dynamic. Compromise and family are intertwined concepts, not just when children are involved. This show is about love and found families.🔗

If the fine line is crossed and the codependency turns inadaptative/dysfunctional, then that desired synergy that allows all parties involved to mutually benefit each other, turns into chaos, where everyone hurts each other. War, which usually leads to the dissolution of the bond. They, and I mean The Bear's team, not just Syd and Carmy, are currently dancing on that line thanks to Carmy, but have NOT crossed it yet. Why? Because they fucked up on the Vibrant Collaboration part.🔗

The end of S3 left them standing on the verge of choosing to go for the synergy and mutual benefit (this will require compromise and hard work from both and everyone else around them) or for the dissolution of their bond (this will entail pain and loss for all parties involved and no one will gain anything but a lesson learned on what not to do, even if Syd leaves The Bear behind, and I don't just mean the restaurant, goes to work for Shapiro and wins a bullshit star). I hope we're clear on that. That latter scenario does not automatically guarantee Syd's happiness or success and it certainly implies Carmy's destruction. That’s why it’s really hard for me to wrap my mind around why some “Sydcarmy truthers” prefer that alternative. But again, this is NOT about me. This is about the fact that given the current circumstances, he will be a hopeless case without her. And she can guess it, that's ONE of the reasons why she can't make herself quit. The other is this one. 🔗(*check RB notes about the Joker). And I'm going easy on this one because I'm fully disregarding the assumption that Syd is down bad for Carmy but, just like him, she doesn't wanna feel that, she is in denial, and doesn't allow herself to feel it, not because she deems herself unworthy of his love in her current state unless she wins a Michelin star but because she's absolutely aware that Carmy Berzatto is a piece of shit. But yet she fucking loves him.

The catch:

But here’s the catch: whilst both choices are valid and should be respected if made freely, only one of them takes into account the current disparity of one of the parties involved at this time. In other words: The timing (that's why I don't oppose her going to Noma with Luca eventually or leaving The Bear to open her own dream spot, and I'm 100% sure that even though Carmy wouldn't be too crazy about it, he wouldn't oppose either, if she's happy. I actually expect the Sydluca/Noma storyline to unravel in S4 ). BUT right now Carmy is at his lowest. So it's just wrong, it's just not the right time. It can't happen on a show called THE BEAR, he has to fulfill his redemption arc and can't do it without her at this time.

On the bright side, there’s no way but up from here, but he is at his absolute worst right now because he has EVERYTHING to lose, a lot of people who depend on him and not enough energy left in him to start over if he fails. Syd, on the other hand, still has it in her, whether she stays or leaves. She’s fucked right now too, which is her responsibility and not Carmy’s -even though Carmy definitely contributed- but Syd, as she is, can still make it anywhere. Whether she stays or leaves, she is still at a good enough point where she can still work it out, no matter what she chooses. Unlike Carmy.

And even when Carmy’s best interests are not 100% her responsibility, they are part of that partnership she chose to be in, she cares about it, and it’s in her nature to want to nurture, support, and inspire those around her and right now who needs that the most is... you guessed it: Carmen Berzatto, the piece of shit. Not at her expense, of course. That is the part of the job SHE has to do in herself so this “support” doesn’t entail her own harm. That's HER arc.

There is a way in which both can win and Carmy doesn’t have to lose so she can choose herself. That way is based on full and mutual honesty, open communication, compromise, and patience. It is NOT based on bottling up feelings, not voicing needs, not setting boundaries and reinforcing them when needed, resenting each other, and most importantly: denying emotions, which is what they both excel at. Because emotions are on the left-hand column🔗. Their emotions are the game changers. Especially when you lead with your heart.

Bonus track: If you think for a second that Carmen Berzatto doesn’t lead with his ❤️, just like Syd does, then you’re wrong. You don’t know him. He might be too much in his head right now, and that is a very dark place, but he's all heart, which makes him extremely dangerous when he crosses over into his dark side. Hence → S3. And here's another catch: He knew this all along, he knew what getting that bullshit star (for her) was gonna trigger in him, he expected this. He tried to protect her and talk her out of it. But there was no use because they both lead with their hearts. And that is why, no matter what it looks like right now, no matter how many detours they take, they will always end up HERE 🔗.

Summing up: I'm not worried 💅

[familyabolisher]

can you elaborate your thoughts on 'the bear' show? i keep seeing it all over my dash and it looks interesting but i wanna know what to look out for since you said the politics isn't handled well.

having now watched all of the second season—a major problem sticking out to me is that the show can’t quite decide what tone it wants to strike. in season one, you had these dream sequences intended to communicate carmy’s [in]ability to process his feelings about michael, spliced with an otherwise v realist tone—but the show never really leant into either consistently using a surrealist external world to represent something internal to a character or going straightforwardly realist. season two has, eg., a moment where syd sees the text on the rapidly generating tickets change from table orders to like “fuck” over and over, and, like—it’s the same thing again, it’s the use of an obviously not ‘literal’ physical space communicating the mental headspace of the character whose perspective we briefly occupy, but, like, the show can’t quite commit to the tone that this slightly trickier technique demands, so it just feels awkward and clumsy and like a cheap way of communicating a character’s internal state. i thought the bit in season one where carmy dreams he’s on a cooking show that goes horribly wrong was really tonally effective and an excellent segue into the rest of the episode, but, like, they just kind of pull this conceit out when they need it and ignore it when they don’t. and i wish they’d try to do more with it! shit or get off the pot.

the dialogue is also just … pretty weak at points. there’s a lot of like, characters launching into anecdotes as a technique of exposition, which … i can put up with once or twice, but when it just keeps happening, i can’t help but think of it as lazy writing. season 2 also seemed to spread itself far too thin; we have different episodes dedicated to different secondary characters, which if handled well could be effective—the idea is that they’re a team, that everyone contributes something and everyone has to pull their weight, and we spend time with each individual before seeing how it all comes together at the end. that did kind of half-land in the final episode, but on an individual level, the episodes just weren’t tightly constructed enough for any one storyline to feel complete. tina and marcus in particular felt … underused, underdeveloped, i feel like i barely have more of a sense of their characters than i did at the end of season 1. marcus’ episode especially felt incredibly flat; we learnt (through Dialogue Exposition) about his relationship to his terminally ill mother, which i think worked well enough, but other than that, the process of learning new baking techniques felt half-assed and lacked any real tension, will poulter’s character was completely forgettable. glad we got some pretty shots of copenhagen, but like, what was the point.

ideologically it sucks lol. there’s a chef who’s fired for doing drugs which the narrative is v much fine with, there’s pithy comments about people coming into the restaurant in groups and buying one thing so they can sit around, there’s … just no real sense of the ways in which restaurants are classed spaces, service work is a denigrated form of labour, hospitality is a v abusive industry … richie’s episode in season 2 focuses on him learning some nauseatingly bootlicky hospitality shit as a barometer of Character Growth to the point that i was laughing when i watched it because i couldn’t take it seriously at all. (there’s a line where a manager says that serving fine dining guests can be compared to looking after people in hospital in terms of the level of care you bring to the job … i guess that’s why they call it … Hospitality … and i was just sat there cackling. like, be serious.) there’s just no drive to interrogate the hospitality industry & how the impression of servitude and deference is built into the world of fine dining and what that means, no serious criticism of restaurant work beyond carmy’s flashbacks to chefs being abusive to him that become a discursive dead end when the show doesn’t develop them to tackle the nature of fine dining itself.

my final big problem is that it’s very thematically flimsy. the conceit of the show is that carmy has to interrupt his career as a fine-dining chef to come and work at michael’s v modest sandwich shop whilst emotionally processing his suicide—so it seems pretty clear to me that this would play with tensions between the culture of fine dining and that of a failing sandwich shop, right? like, clashes when the fine dining chef tries to bring fine dining techniques to the new place, in the end we all learn a valuable lesson about what we can all teach each other or whatever? and season 1 does do this, but even at the points where it seems to want to criticise the fine dining industry, by season 2 it seems to have pretty definitively joined the war on fine dining on the side of the fine dining. there’s not really a drive in season 2 to interrogate what it means to turn a neighbourhood sandwich shop into a fine dining establishment; how do regulars feel about this? what about the locals who might now be priced out of it? what about the question of gentrification? none of these are ever really brought to the forefront. in season 1, we got the sense that carmy’s fine dining world was sterile and alien where it wasn’t actively abusive, and the sandwich shop allowed him to escape that world—so why aren’t we asking questions about what kind of restaurant culture is really valuable, what really makes for good hospitality? even in a show that obviously doesn’t want to ask serious questions about restaurants under capitalism, there are all these little channels of negotiation that season 1 seemed to set up only for season 2 to let them drop.

so, yeah. i’m not convinced the show really has a strong sense of direction. season 2 felt very all over the place, and seemed to want to juggle so many things at once that it ended up not really landing any of them.

[zalrb]

Hey! so what did you think about Claire on the bear? I've seen some people call her a mary sue, a mpdg, a pick me which feels a bit much to me lol. I generally agree w people who say that she wasn't fleshed out and felt out of place bc of how carmy viewed her. My only thing is she never felt like an ER Doctor. Her career was supposed to be equally demanding so it should've affected their relationship in some small way at least but she kinda just seemed available for him at any given moment.

One of them I can see an argument for, the other two no. So before I get into the one I can see an argument for, I really need people to understand that these terms actually mean something. They're not blanket descriptors for female characters who annoy you and while we're at it, just for initiumseries, I'm going to add for the record that there aren't male versions of pick mes and manic pixie dream girls because these stock characters (or in the case of a pick me, viewpoints,) are rooted in misogyny

A Pick Me is specific

A Mary Sue is specific

Mary Sue stories—the adventures of the youngest and smartest ever person to graduate from the academy and ever get a commission at such a tender age. Usually characterized by unprecedented skill in everything from art to zoology, including karate and arm-wrestling [...] She saves the day by her wit and ability, and, if we are lucky, has the good grace to die at the end [...]

Like even Nathan Rabin who coined the term MPDG apologized for doing so because it keeps being misused:

I feel deeply weird, if not downright ashamed, at having created a cliché that has been trotted out again and again in an infinite Internet feedback loop. I understand how someone could read the A.V. Club list of Manic Pixie Dream Girls and be offended by the assertion that a character they deeply love and have an enduring affection for, whether it’s Diane Keaton’s Annie Hall or Katharine Hepburn in “Bringing Up Baby,” is nothing more than a representation of a sexist trope or some sad dude’s regressive fantasy.

It doesn't make sense that a character as nuanced and unforgettable as Annie Hall could exist solely to cheer up Alvy Singer. As Kazan has noted, Allen based a lot of Annie Hall on Diane Keaton, who, as far as I know, is a real person and not a ridiculous male fantasy.

From what I can recall, nothing about Claire is "Pick-Meish" or "Mary Sueish", she explains that when they were kids and a girl broke her arm, everyone was freaked out except for her because she wanted to understand the injury, that is not Pick Me-ish.

This is Claire

not this

The fact that she has six months left on her residency doesn't make her a Mary Sue.

Now with regards to being an MPDG, these are the characteristics of one:

That day in 2007, I remember watching "Elizabethtown" and being distracted by the preposterousness of its heroine, Claire. Dunst's psychotically bubbly stewardess seemed to belong in some magical, otherworldly realm -- hence the "pixie" -- offering up her phone number to strangers and drawing whimsical maps to help her man find his way. And as Dunst cavorted across the screen, I thought also of Natalie Portman in "Garden State," a similarly carefree nymphet who is the accessory to Zach Braff's character development. It's an archetype, I realized, that taps into a particular male fantasy: of being saved from depression and ennui by a fantasy woman who sweeps in like a glittery breeze to save you from yourself, then disappears once her work is done.

She isn't quite the "pixie" part of the trope, I don't think she's whimsical enough for that, instead I would say she's the "insufferable female lead in an indie" trope (love this!)

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because she does kind of just appear or sweep in to Carmy's life and has this history with him

and instead of giving Carmy her number, she asks for his, therefore the narrative places the onus of initial pursuit on her

she's been carrying this torch for him since they were kids

and her role is to be someone in his life that makes him feel good, that takes his feelings into consideration,

that gives him peace

that urges him out of his shell

that shows him another way he can be and feel outside of the restaurant

while we basically know nothing about her outside of that role.

What makes this iteration more complex than others is not Claire, it's not that she's a fully fleshed out character and we see more than a glimpse of her life and it's not that we get to know about her personally because we don't really, what we get is this

which just goes back round to Carmy and his complicated relationship with food and cooking anyway

the subversion lies with Carmy and how he needs to heal and still has a lot of unprocessed trauma that doesn't go away because Claire entered his life, the show shits all over the typical outcome of the MPDG coming into the male protagonist's life and making it all better.

I'm not saying that they did that purposefully as in they're trying to say something about MPDG, like I don't think the show purposefully framed her as one or views her as one, I think they just wanted to show how deep-rooted generational trauma is and how it presents itself and how it affects your current relationships and it ended up being subverting an MPDG-esque trope for the male protagonist.

I don't know if any of this makes sense, I haven't slept and it's like 5 AM lmao.

[lesbiancolumbo]

your thoughts on 🐻 are really interesting to me as coming from someone more familiar with the fine dining facets of the show vs my world of people working in kitchens. like i’ve eaten at michelin starred places and can clock boloud onscreen but the majority of what drew me to it in s1 was the BOH stuff they captured pretty well— like seeing decent representations of the unrelenting pace of service in tight quarters, hearing people throw around “lowboy” and “cambro”, the breakdowns in the walk-in, watching them actually show real knife skills and make a big deal about food safety and cross contamination as a plot point. even the painters tape on 32oz deli containers. the copenhagen ep hit different for me because that was a little bit my trajectory in the industry too— starting at a greasy spoon and then making a leap upwards to the career path i’m on now based on the kindness of a boss who saw i’d accidentally discovered i was passionate about it. i don’t have as much a frame of reference for the part they’re leaning into now so yeah. it’s interesting.

thank you, and i should note for context that i'm not much more and a passionate but self-taught home cook. i've never worked a day in a restaurant (until i have my midlife crisis and quit my job and go to culinary school lol), but i've studied a lot on the subject and that informs my opinions here. but yeah, what i really love about s1 IS its attempts to capture that side of restaurant work because i think when we talk about restaurants, we talk about fine dining. we don't talk about rustic chefs, we don't talk about the line cooks and the italian beef counter around the corner (off topic but this is why i watch bon appetit's on the line video series and the nyt cooking on the job series religiously). i loved that the bear was exploring this world, and so to see s2 (and now s3 apparently since all carmy talks about in the promo is getting michelin starred) skew more fine dining was is a big "noooooo, WHY?" moment for me.

bear is at its best when it shows that to cook for someone, to prepare food and serve it to someone else and have them eat it, and then just like that, it's all gone, is an act of love. food and cooking is art, yes, but ultimately why do we cook? is it not, to quote that poem tumblrinas love, because we love you and we want you to eat well? like high brow and "low brow" cooking alike..... the goal is to feed people, to satisfy them, because we want them to eat well. i think of the moment when sydney cooks an omelette for sugar, the love and care she puts into the simplest of dishes. i think of sydney serving sandwiches off the side of the restaurant because the power is out. i think of the recipe for tomato sauce. i think of marcus and his cake.

somewhere in between then and now this show has forgotten why it was we flocked to it in the first place, what captivated us from that first season. if i want to watch pretty plates and fine dining, i can watch chef's table. i want my god damn sandwich shop back.

but hey - because of this, we're having these kinds of conversations. so i guess it's not for nothing lol.

[rikamp3]

my thoughts on claire (unpopular opinion?)

spoilers for the bear s2 finale under the cut!

After that finale I kind of get why claire felt so jarring and off-putting. I mean, we never really get to know anything about her other than she's nice and pretty and smart (also are carmy and her cousins or did they call her claire bear just because it rhymes please tell me its the latter eugh ) BECAUSE carmy is a disaster person and isn't ready to be in any kind of relationship, so obviously he isn't seeing any of her faults and might be in love with sydney?? yall those flashbacks to syd's first day i am side-eyeing.

for all we know she could kick puppies but carmy (and by extension us) wouldn't have noticed. every nice moment between them has either had carmy pretend to be someone else or avoid some other stressful thing in his life. it was never going to work out and i hope they dont have them get back together later down the line because yikes.

also i hate how bloated this character arc was, i wish theyd given that screen time to ebra (we basically got very little explanation for his whole thing) or added more to tina or syd or marcus's characterizations. Even richie or sugar couldve used that time well.

I dislike syd x carmy because carmy is a self-loathing jerk and desperately needs therapy. i love the both of them when theyre actually listening to each other but carmy is...carmy lol. Maybe down the line when he has an emotional toolkit and isnt angrily lashing out or running away every 5 seconds. also syd needs to put down some roots and become more secure in her career, because as it stands she's not getting enough validation from her partnership.

[nolita-fairytale]

make my heart surrender | carmy x reader | the playlist

here's a fun little collection of songs that make me think of this story. some of the songs feel like they could function as a soundtrack to the story, and some just make me think of carmy x reader. i created this playlist and listened to it while writing, in the car, doing dishes... seriously, the way this story took over my brain.

make my heart surrender: the playlist

***

sleeping with a friend - neon trees

carmy & reader's relationship in new york city -- while the title feels self-explanatory, this song has all the sexual tension of wondering our favorite kitchen lovebirds' will they won't they relationship. do we need a oneshot of the before times? maybe...

robbers - the 1975

angsty carmy & reader's relationship in nyc. this is also allegedly the prequel to 'about you' so it felt right to include it.

about you - the 1975

where the title of this fic comes from: 'now there's something about you that i can't remember / it's the same damn thing that made my heart surrender / and i miss you on the train, i miss you in the morning / i never what to think about / i think about you

it's the pining for me

chicago - sufjan stevens

the iconic song used in the show. i could see this song playing on reader's first day at the bear, or underscoring reader's travels to chicago

sleep tight - holly humberstone

oof, this song kills me. i'll add notable lyrics that make me think of carmy x reader, but it would be a beautiful underscore for their moment at the end of chapter two, when they say goodnight to each other.

"sleep tight i'm on my way back and feeling kind of sad because you were the best thing i never knew i had"

"you were the best thing i never knew was mine"

"god knows i've missed this feeling" makes me ache in the best ways why do we love being sad sm?!

closer - tegan and sara

i could see this song underscoring some of the kitchen flows when carmy & reader have smoothed things over around chapter three. i can just see reader working the garnish station and falling in love with carmy all over again as she watches him expedite.

can we also just talk about how this is a peak in the flow of the playlist? like they've finally smoothed things over and it's been nostalgic/acoustic/angsty and then this song happens and it's like an explosion of energy?? we're finally going to get some connection between these two

only human - the code, william singe

if this were a movie/tv show, i'd have this song play in the background of their conversation (date) at the aviary in chapter three.

untouched hearts - acoustic - the hunna

the lines "i know it's been hard but now it's time for you to get what you want, to know you're enough" feel like a fucking love letter from mikey to carmy. #LetItRip

it also feels like a feeling reader and carmy would share between the two of them about each other.

la vie en rose - emily watts

the song that plays at carmy's apartment after putting her dinner party playlist on shuffle. reader is flipping through the cookbook while he finishes the carbonara to the sweet sounds of this song. and they're making eyes at each other, and stealing glances when they think the other isn't looking GOODBYE

the girl - city & colour

this song is giving major waking-up-together-morning-after vibes. i mostly saw this song for the second to last chapter for the cute tattoo scene, but it could also be great for their first morning after season in chapter five.

flashed junk mind (acoustic version) - milky chance

just picture carmy & reader traipsing through chi-town's chinatown, arguing over who's gonna pay (because they both think it should be themselves), being cute, and fighting over carmy's cigarette during their walking dumpling date.

strawberries & cigarettes - troye sivan

this song accompanies their sweet goodbye at the start of chapter 7 and i'm quite convinced that troye sivan wrote it about carmen berzatto and you can't change my mind lol.

for the lines: "blue eyes, black jeans, lighters and candy, i've been a fool / strawberries & cigarettes always taste like you" and "remember when you taught me fate / said it'd all be worth the wait."

somebody - dagny

less on brand for the show, but the lyrics make me think so much about these two. it's giving: plot twist this is now a freeform show, i know. however, i envisioned this song being a part of reader packing up her things and catching up w friends back in ny. maaaaybe even as she's getting in her u-haul to drive to chicago.

solsbury hill - peter gabriel

peter gabriel said that this song was about losing something so that you can gain something else and i'm just not okay. this is the song that underscores the final scene in our lovely little epilogue, when reader surprises carmy at the bear ready to tell him that she's finally all in.

[ladespeinada]

Tagged by @postmodernau to share an excerpt for WIP Wednesday 🌟

Technically, my only WIP at the moment is my Tina / The Bear fic, Before The Next Teardrop Falls, so the excerpt beneath the cut is from that. I have various bits & bobs for other The Bear fics that I’ve taken a step back from for the time being, happy to share snippets if people are interested (and because I kind of want to share what exists but also don’t want to finish anything just yet, lol). 

Marcus & Luca, Long-Haul Truckers AU (thank you, Orville Peck)

Only You, Darling sequel 

Sydcarmy “divorce” fic

Sydcarmy canon divergence where they meet in NY during Syd’s food tour 

Won’t tag anyone explicitly but if you’re working on something and you want to share a snippet, please feel free to use this post as an excuse! 👀

“Hey, Chef, is there like, a family shelf or something?”

“Shelf?” 

“Si, como, la comida extra para usar para comida familiar,” Sydney asked kindly.  

“Ah, si, la comida familiar. Fuck off,” Tina spat before stalking off. 

Sydney looked all of 15. Tall and slender, with her braids pulled back with a bandana. She moved through the kitchen with only the barest hint of hesitation. She loomed over Tina, both in stature and in stance. Her voice in Spanish was soft and girlish and that was the final straw. Tina hated her already.

Tina knew she was being unfair, but her self-awareness wasn’t going to get in the way of her annoyance. Carmy and Sydney were glaring reminders that Mikey was well and truly gone, and never coming back, and she couldn’t forgive them for it. 

She had fooled herself for months, as the weather turned warmer and spring erupted in flowers and rain, that he was just on vacation. Maybe moved, temporarily. Just taking a break from The Beef, and he’d be back, eventually. 

She imagined him near water, having traded the shores of Lake Michigan for an actual beach. Maybe Hawai’i, maybe California, taking up surfing and eating fresh fish every day instead of the mountains of beef they went through. Maybe the coast of Italy, swimming in the Mediterranean, the prodigal son returning to his ancient home to fucking finally learn Italian. 

But there was no longer space for Tina to fool herself, not with two new bodies flowing through the ragged system of the kitchen, not with every seat taken during family with no space left for Michael Berzatto. He was gone, and he would stay gone, and nothing, no one, could ever, ever change that. 

[nicoleanell]

DEAR FESTIVIDDER,

Welcome and thank you in advance!! As I say every year (or every-other-year when I partcipate) these are just some thoughts, but feel free to focus on different characters/storylines/etc. I'm excited to see anything you're inspired to make from the sources below!

I also tagged all the fandoms so you can see how often I reblog stuff about them, consider it a vidding vision board. :D

If you're checking out any of these sources for the first time, content warning for some blood/gore in Renfield (played for comedy) and blood, jumpscares, animal death in Midnight Mass.

Film (Safety)

Renfield (2023) - Listen. Cinema peaked when Robert Montague Renfield decorated his little apartment in bright '70s colors and kitty cat bedsheets to Lizzo, and then peaked a second time when Ben Schwartz snorted a centipede. This movie is bloody camp nonsense but somehow also an earnest abuse recovery/revenge fantasy, and it gave me Emotions and a crush on Nicholas Hoult. His giant sad eyes and self-empowerment arc mean the world to me.

Television

Abbott Elementary - Wholesome sitcom in the vein of Parks & Rec following teachers in a Philadelphia elementary school (as a child of two public school teachers it hits close to my heart). I'd kinda like to see an Ava vid, she's so entertainingly terrible but then has great moments of growth as well. Or one centered on Janine, Janine/Gregory, or just any kind of fun ensemble thing!

The Afterparty - Murder mystery comedy with the twist that each episode, a character gives their version of events in the style of different genre parodies. Honestly I'd be fine with just a season 1 vid because I liked it more than season 2. (With the exception of S2 giving me the Sapphic Wes Anderson Movie of my dreams.) S1 had just about a perfect ensemble (Yasper being a highlight) and great execution of the Rashomon-style premise.

The Bear - Drama/dramedy set in the chaotic back-of-house world of a Chicago restaurant. I love how real the environment, relationships, and characters of this show feel. I adore Ayo Edebiri so I'd especially like a vid centered on Sydney, her ambitions and anxiety and passion, but again anything that inspires you about the show would make me happy! I love everyone in this dysfunctional restaurant fam. I don't really ship Syd with Carmy so I'd prefer not an explicitly romancey vid.

Midnight Mass - There's a venn diagram between Catholic Trauma and Vampires that Mike Flanagan seemed to crack like nobody else ever has lol. After Hill House (which I got an incredible vid for a couple years ago) this is my favorite of his horror-drama miniseries, I really love the mood and themes it explores about faith/religion a source of both comfort and harm. Pretty much a "do whatever you want with this source" request!

Web Series/Internet Content

Dimension 20 - There's a lot of source here and even I haven't made it through all the older intrepid heroes campaigns yet (not to mention all the side quests). I've basically seen everything from A Court of Fey and Flowers onward. Favorites include Neverafter, A Crown of Candy, and I'm really enjoying the current Burrow's End series. But honestly if there's any season or mini-season or general vibe YOU especially love and would like to focus on, feel free to do so! And if you want to incorporate stuff like art, minis, fan sources, or just rely on the player dynamics, go for it. I love basically everybody but special shout-out to Lou Wilson.

Amaury Guichon (the chocolate guy) (Youtube/Tiktok/he also had a Netflix show) - Guichon is a French-Swiss pastry chef known for making elaborate, edible chocolate sculptures, and posting usually wordless montage videos of his process. I'm just kinda curious what a Chocolate Guy vid would look like! Watching his videos and the work that goes into each piece is so fascinating, and he has a really charming and pleasant vibe. Love the technical skill, the commitment to the bit, and the fact they often look like they taste good on top of it!

[freedelusionshere]

Keep on writing your meta and thoughts! I appreciate it a lot. I have a hard time putting my thoughts into coherent sentences sometimes but you do it so well! It’s so cool!!!

Also your particular observation on how a part of the Bear fandom thinks “overworking yourself for success is the only way to go about life, I don’t need love or anything else” is so spot on! I’ve not only seen stuff like that on Reddit as you mentioned but I also did see videos of this on TikTok and it was so frustrating cause the Bear is showing the audience how that does not work out.

That’s why I hope Season 4 is more explicit with how this thinking is detrimental for its characters specifically the main character.

The way I would be so happy to see Carmy removing this idea from himself, showing more intimate moments with the Bear team and doing things he enjoys. I would be so happy!!!

also to then have him experience romance with Sydney

to actually get to see SydCarmy 😅😅 likeee djsjdjd

that would really shake things up!

okay Thks for reading lol

Thanks for writing me! I think that what you're talking about here is actually the whole point of this show. It's about escaping systems that do not really benefit everyone and having solidarity within your community, not with empires and enterprises interested in doing extraction (Chef David) and treating people like robots. Why is Syd zesting lemons and only that when she's super talented? Hmm, I have questions, and I think the show does, too.

This is why Carmy ending up with Syd and not circling back to what his family wants for him is an important part of the overall themes of this show. Even when you start to get free of this stuff it doesn't mean that healing relationships and dealing with your past requires you to stand still in one place and live through your past lens.

Carmy's family is part of a system as well, they reinforce it constantly throughout the series, even while resenting it the whole time, they play the game. Michelle knows this, it's why she tells Carmy to get out of there in Fishes.

The show also depicts Carmy dragging Syd back into the fine dining stuff when she explicitly said in S1 she wanted to do something different. Syd admits she's been his accomplice in S3, so Syd is going to be unpacking some of this stuff with him in S4, I feel? The where did this go wrong; we know we're good together/for each other kind of convo. Because they are. The show has already depicted that when they fell for each other in S1. They're like a married couple getting a separation at this point.

What I've had on my mind the past few days is how Carmy and Syd basically in a very short period of time got in real deep with each other, entangled their lives (they essentially live at the restaurant), are behaving in almost all ways like partners except in one area: they're not physically intimate or experiencing the joys of that and the bonding and comfort it can provide. They both crave intimacy and are afraid of it at the same time.

And all these people in the media and fandom playing games about how they're better as friends or whatever? LOL. They can save it, these two want more than friendship from each other.

[knightoflove]

Tristan! Howdy! How've you been??

Any new thoughts regarding your beloveds you'd be so kind as to share??

Hope this finds you well ♡!!

Skipper @tex-treasures

Hello!! I’ve been doing well, thanks for asking. I’ve been on a TV show binge at the moment, lol. I’m hopping from one show to another.

I’ve got two new f/os! I’ve added Carmy from The Bear, who is very sweet and I’ve just been rewatching the show and kicking my legs. My s/i for the show is a pastry chef bc I need to feed this man. There’s a primal urge that is yelling at me to take care of him via French pastries.

The other one is Evan “Bu.ck” Bu.ckley from 911. I started watching the show bc I heard he became canon bisexual and now I’m in love with him :(. He gets hurt so much (emotionally and physically) and I am unfortunately attracted to his dumb ass. He’s like pure sunlight. It’s blinding. He’s also transmasc. To me.

Thank you for checking in!! I always enjoy an ask from you <3

[yeschefthankyouchef]

i was listening to “all i need to hear” by the 1975 today and it made me think of these two idiots. came to check on them and imagine my shock and excitement when i realized that i missed not one BUT TWO UPDATES?! i’ve been missing them so much and this chapter did not disappoint - although it did hurt like a mf🤠

bear with me and my many many notes for this long and beautiful update🫶🏻

“Carmy wouldn’t lie, he was a little miffed that Mikey had given you a job here but strictly forbade him from even thinking about working at The Beef, but it was okay because he had a plan.”

GODDAMN!!! we’re just jumping straight into it! okay, okay, i see you lol. poor carmy - mikey is such an idiot (loving) for giving carmy something to be angsty at baby for

“She was nice he would give her that, but she always looked at him like she knew a secret he didn’t.”

maybe, JUST MAYBE, it’s because you look like a lovesick fool around baby you silly boy

“He had wanted to draw you for a while, and he tried once, but after picking out everything wrong with the drawing he decided that maybe your kind of features weren’t meant to be confined to the lines on a piece of paper.”

he is a lovesick FOOL. drawing her?? in the book SHE got him?? i’m dead fr.

“I don’t draw Claire that much do I?” The vulnerability in his tone catches you off guard.”

i knew that going back in time would possibly mean some claire angst and the masochist in me loves it but i also need her to swiftly ✨get the fuck away✨

“The ending joke is made to bring yourself back to reality, if Carmy was drawing you it wasn’t for the same reasons he was drawing Claire.”

YOUCH. that one! that one hurt deep. the pain of unrequited (she thinks) love is other worldly.

“he wouldn’t lie though, he was excited for the day he would earn that same reaction after you tried his food.”

broooooooo just tell her you love her already

“The betrayal on his face when he found out you chose to go to a college on the West Coast.”

tell me why my heart just dropped to my feet even though i already know they get separated? it’s so an odd feeling to know that it’s the beginning of the end while the characters are still in blissful ignorance

“Yeah, you’re right. Not sure why I brought it up.”

have you even lived life if you haven’t experienced the PAIN of having to say this sentence. ouch.

“Thankfully though you had rejected every advance, and what kind of friend would Carmy be if he asked you to prom at the dinghy sticky table in the back of his family’s business?”

i was 🤏🏼 this close to throwing hands with carmy until i read this paragraph… boi is on THIN ICE still though

“Being able to connect your mom and your work mom through food always brought warmth to your heart.”

okay but this sentence has me fully melted on the floor - i love tina and i love the idea that baby is family to the beef family just as much as the berzatto family. this will definitely make things interesting when carmy takes over the beef in da future.

“It’s going to hurt if he doesn’t feel the same way, but you can’t keep living ya life waiting for him. You can be there for him as much as you want, that’s fine ma, but at the end of the day you gotta remember you’re the only person who got you.”

oooooooh yeah. carmys going to get his ass kicked in the future i’m calling it now.

“You know I’m proud of you right?” you nodded as you listened to Mikey’s words. “You’re gonna do big fucking things, Baby, don’t forget about us little guys alright.”

jesus christ this hurts so good - you just know this is one of those moments that just HAUNTS baby after he dies. these words are never leaving her fr.

“Mikey would speak to Carmy about it, if there was one thing he would get his little brother to understand, it was that allowing you to walk out of his life would be a colossal mistake.”

LOL too bad its going to fall on deaf ears

“Forcing him to constantly postpone the question he so desperately wanted answered”

the way that baby has all but asked him to prom and this idiot is still nervous to ask her

“Not that he wanted to go to prom with you romantically or anything like that”

it’s okay king we’re all delusional

“Looks like Carmy finally asked Claire to prom.” The words made your ears buzz, and the tickets in your back pocket felt like they were on fire now.”

NO HE DIDNT. NO HE FUCKING DIDNT. okay i take it all back i’m gonna pummel him for this. shaking my DAMN HEAD.

“Don’t sell yourself short, maybe I want to go to prom with you to mean something.”

honestly i’m team hayden for this - carmy should be taking notes

“Not realizing that with his overall awkward and shy personality, the girl in front of him thought this was his way of asking her to prom.”

okay so he’s safe from getting pummeled for now since hes just a stupid dumb boy but he’s still on thin ice.

“Your eyes widened at Carmy’s insinuation that the only reason anyone would go to prom with you was to fulfill their carnal desires.”

i think at this point i need to just kick his ass because everytime he gets out of a hole he jumps into a deeper one w t f

“He didn’t want to give you a reason to cease all contact after your move.”

how supremely ironic and hypocritical of him

“Claire was easy to be friends with; that is until Carmy decided he liked her”

i absolutely love this paragraph and how well it shows the complexities surrounding baby’s feelings about claire. just really really well written. and also OUCH.

“You look so gorgeous, Carmy is such a tool. Well, no offense to Claire.”

on a scale of 1-10 how bad of a person am i for thinking ‘full offense to claire’ with no hesitation

“Are tweedle-dee and tweedle-dumb giving you a hard time Hayden?”

THEY REALLY ARE TWEEDLE DEE AND TWEEDLE DUMB THEY ARE THEY ARE

“Richie’s a looker too, you gonna call him pretty?”

i am laughing so hard at this oh my god - i love them so much it hurts. i’m reallllllllly not excited to say goodbye to the dynamic duo😞

“Unbeknownst to the two of you Sugar had watched the whole moment play out, quickly raising the Polaroid to capture the intimate moment between the two of you.”

methinks that this is going to come into play later lolololol

“he would spend every day for the rest of his life proving that he was enough for you.”

i want to watch this carmy brawl with future carmy because future carmy did a shit job at this

“The small nod of your head was the last sign Carmy needed before he surged forward capturing your lips in a harsh kiss”

the way i can’t even be happy about this because i know the amount of absolute shit he’s about to put her through

“You didn’t even think it could even be considered a kiss, more so a smack of lips against each other.”

i do, however, love this. i love how intimate and real it is - first kisses are awkward but that’s what makes them so fun

“You sat there for a moment calming your nerves, you were sure the conversation wouldn’t be brought up while you were working, but maybe Carmy came here looking for you specifically.”

i feel some bullshit brewing and i am shaking in my boots

“So caught up in your infatuation with the boy you’d been crushing on and finally got to kiss the other night, you hardly noticed Claire.”

wowwwwwwwww that didn’t take long. i’m not even surprised but goddamn does it hurt all the same.

“You silently slid into the walk-in, maybe it was unsanitary but you didn’t think you could face anyone as you finally let the first sob wrack your body.”

crying in the walk-in builds character😤 #hotgirlshit

“Two friends stood on opposite sides of a steel door, hearts breaking in unison as it felt like everything was fighting against what they both wanted. July would come and they would part ways, promises whispered to stay in contact and remain friends, neither soul knowing what the years apart would have in store for them.”

this is such an incredible last paragraph - i am unfortunately all fucked up in the brain from carmys dumbassery lol. boys gonna have to put in some serious work in the future - he is truly his own worst enemy

interlude one | parle-moi

↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣

pairing(s): carmy x claire | fem!reader x male!oc | carmy x fem!reader | platonic!mikey x fem!reader | platonic!richie x fem!reader | platonic!claire x fem!reader |

summary: a glance into the final couple of weeks of carmy and baby's senior year.

warning(s): 18+ | miscommunication | carmy | teenage angst | teenage stupidity | mentions of prom | vague mentions of terminal illness | steamy make out session | dry humping | mild petting | neck infatuation? | pining | semi-unrequited love | idiots in fucking love | please let me know if i missed something |

wc: 13.7k

song inspo: parle-moi

please don't let any graphics hinder your imagination of fem!reader/baby, you could imagine her as a fucking smurf for all i care. any pictures used are NOT a representation of baby they just fit the chapter!!!!

also i describe hayden as atj's character in kick-ass because that's what i was watching while writing this chapter but you could imagine him as rasputin or liteally whoever you're into.

but also like atj and jaw are literally the same person just different fonts ya know? happy reading!

May 2013

Carmy watched as you manned the front of house at The Beef, you and Richie working seamlessly around each other as the both of you took turns at the cash register and running food to the customers who had decided to dine in. Carmy wouldn’t lie, he was a little miffed that Mikey had given you a job here but strictly forbade him from even thinking about working at The Beef, but it was okay because he had a plan. Carmy was going to pursue his dream of becoming a chef, not only that, he was going to become the best fucking chef he could be and prove to Michael exactly why he deserved to work alongside him at the family business.

It wasn’t necessarily fair for Carmy to be mad at you for earning yourself a job at The Beef, and he wasn’t. He knew you were only working there to save up money, he knew how badly you and your mom needed it. Things had gotten worse with your mom in the past two years. One of your aunts had come from the west coast to stay with the two of you as you finished up your senior year waiting to whisk the two of you away at the first chance she got. Carmy had met her a handful of times. She was nice he would give her that, but she always looked at him like she knew a secret he didn’t.

Leaning against the end of the counter as he waited for you to go on break, he watched as you made your way back from the dining area to the front, doing his best to capture your features. The slight sheen to your skin from running back and forth and the slight humidity that could be felt in the air. He took notice of the way your hair decorated your head, which pieces looked out of place. Carmy studied you with a curious eye, fingers drumming against the small sketchbook you had got him for his birthday. He had wanted to draw you for a while, and he tried once, but after picking out everything wrong with the drawing he decided that maybe your kind of features weren’t meant to be confined to the lines on a piece of paper.

Carmy watched as you laughed at something stupid Richie said, your laughter singing through the restaurant. Even as you turned to the window of the kitchen to share the joke with the rest of your crew, the large smile still hadn’t left your face.

You turned from the window removing the apron from around your waist as you approached Carmy, the remnants of laughter still on your face. You grabbed his hand pulling him along to the dining area where the two of you plopped down at your favorite corner table. The patrons are still there sending greetings to both of you. You nodded at Carmy’s sketchbook that now sat on the table, his hand lying flat atop it.

“Got anything new for me to look at?” You eyed the small book, always happy to look at whatever new drawing had taken over Carmy’s mind, even if they were of Claire.

Carmy followed your line of sight, a slight blush rising to his cheeks at your intrigue. He usually wouldn’t think twice about letting you parse through his artwork, your genuine interest always pushing him to keep up his hobby. “Uh, I’m not sure if you’ll want to see what’s in this sketchbook.”

Carmy’s fingers began drumming away again, the constant contact with the small book keeping him calm. You sent a teasing smile his way “Why afraid I’ll get tired of seeing your drawings of Claire?” You had meant for the quip to be a joke, although you were tired of seeing Claire’s face staring back at you through Carmy’s drawings, it wasn’t your friend's fault that she had stolen the heart of the boy you had been pining after for the better part of a year.

The frown on Carmy’s face told you that he may have taken offense to the slight joke, your teasing smile dropping as you felt the guilt creep in on you. “I don’t draw Claire that much do I?” The vulnerability in his tone catches you off guard.

You quickly shook your head wanting to appease him, “No Carm, guess I’ve just been around Mikey and Richie too much working here.” You sent him a small smile hoping to raise his spirits, “Word of advice though, some people might find it a bit weird if they knew someone was drawing them without their permission.” You leaned your head on the palm of your hand as you watched Carmy flush even more.

Carmy felt the heat of his blush rising on his neck and painting his cheeks an even deeper red, of course, you would think he was weird for randomly drawing your friend. His lack of experience and newfound fascination channeled into his drawings as he saw no other way to deal with his crush on Claire. He cleared his throat, eyes finding yours again, “Would you?” At the confusion on your face he swallowed, not wanting you to think him any weirder than he already felt, “Would you find it weird if I was drawing you?”

You watched Carmy sink into himself after asking you that question, your own heart melting a bit about the shyness Carmy exuded. “Carmen,” your hands reach out to clasp his between your own, “I would be flattered if you ever decided to draw me. Hell, maybe I’ll even commission you.” The ending joke is made to bring yourself back to reality, if Carmy was drawing you it wasn’t for the same reasons he was drawing Claire.

If it was possible for Carmy to blush even more, he was sure he would’ve looked like a tomato sitting in front of you. You always knew exactly what to say to stave his self-doubt, but recently your words had been more warming to him, something that he couldn’t explain. But he found himself hanging on to every word that left your lips a little bit more.

Before Carmy could get his response out Tina appeared by your table with two signature beef sandwiches for the two teenagers she had watched grow up. The two of you thanked her watching as she made her way back into the kitchen, not being able to spare a minute with the dinner rush starting soon.

You smiled up at Carmy before digging into your food, the warm bread and the seasoned beef caressed your tongue. You let out a sound of appreciation as you swallowed your first bite head tossing back to savor the flavors in your mouth. Carmy let out a small chuckle as he watched you, always finding your reaction to be overdramatic, he wouldn’t lie though, he was excited for the day he would earn that same reaction after you tried his food.

A content sigh escaped your lips as you wiped your mouth with the provided napkin, “I’m gonna miss this when I’m gone.” Carmy could hear the sadness in your voice, his own sense of sadness filling him as he remembered what fate held for the two of you after graduation. The two of you would be separated from each other in what felt like the first time in forever.

Carmy sat his sandwich down, slumping a little in his seat while trying his best not to bring the mood down, “You leave at the end of July right?” His question met your ears as you took in his kicked-puppy look, you remembered how well Carmy took the news when he found out. The betrayal on his face when he found out you chose to go to a college on the West Coast.

You nodded your eyes not meeting his as you tried to lessen the hurt in your heart. It's not like you wanted to be that far from Carmy but it really was out of your hands. Your mom and aunt decided it would be best to be closer to family amid your mom’s ever-declining health. “Yeah Carm, our flight leaves on the 31st.”

You took another bite out of your sandwich appetite dwindling, but not wanting to waste the food you know the crew loved making. The two of you finished your sandwiches in silence, neither of you wanting to talk about the future and more than happy just to sit in the other’s presence.

Reaching for Carmy’s plate you stacked your own on top of his before moving them onto the edge of the table, ready to take them when your break came to an end in five minutes. You sat up straighter in your seat imbuing yourself with confidence as you prepared yourself to broach the topic you weren’t sure Carmy even cared for.

“So Carm, prom is coming up, have you given it any thought?” Carmy knew you were trying to come across as nonchalant, but the gleam in your eyes told him otherwise. Hiding the small smile that graced his lips, he watched as you tried hard to act as though you didn’t care about prom. It was a bit funny to him.

“You know it's not really my scene Baby,” he watched as your shoulders slumped a bit. You had been expecting his answer so you weren’t sure why it affected you so much

You nodded your head, “Yeah, you’re right. Not sure why I brought it up.” You began playing with your fingers, you aren’t sure what you were hoping would be different this time compared to the other times you had brought it up to him. You knew Carmy wasn’t interested in you romantically, and you knew he wasn’t interested in going to prom, but you were holding out hope thinking he might pity you and join you at prom as your friend as one last hurrah before your big move.

Carmy felt bad, he didn’t mean to make you sad. He was just waiting for the right time to ask you. He knew how much prom meant to you, and had listened to you talk his ear off about going to your high school prom after your mom and his mom showed you pictures from their respective proms. He was still working up the confidence to do so though, every time he thought he was ready he would overhear the idiots in his homeroom with their own plans to ask you. Thankfully though you had rejected every advance, and what kind of friend would Carmy be if he asked you to prom at the dinghy sticky table in the back of his family’s business?

“I’ll think about it okay?” It was Carmy’s turn to reach for your hands, to assuage the sadness he could see overtaking your features. Your eyes met Carmy’s not sure if you had heard him correctly, you wouldn’t allow yourself to get too excited at the prospect that Carmy might want to attend the prom.

You sent Carmy a small smile and a nod before standing up from your seat and grabbing the two dishes still sitting on the table, “I’ll hold you to that Bear.” You headed towards the door to the kitchen disappearing from Carmy’s sight.

It was always odd for Carmy to hear you use that nickname for him. You had usually just stuck to ‘Carmen’ or ‘Carmy’ when you were feeling extra friendly. But hearing you call him ‘Bear’ always made his heart beat a little faster, the way the nickname left your lips making him feel warm on the inside. Knowing that such a special nickname had countlessly graced your tongue, a family name just for him that you had felt comfortable enough calling him always made his head fuzzy and his chest feel like it was on fire. The sound of the bell above the door snapped him out of his thoughts, he quickly gathered up his sketchbook, he didn’t know where he was headed, but hopefully, some fresh air would give him the courage he needed to finally ask you to prom.

Your shift ended an hour ago, but you always stayed later to help the crew clean up. Mikey began giving you rides home as you took on more hours, the one plus side of working for your neighbor. At that moment Tina was helping you clean the front of the house her favorite oldies CD popped into the ancient radio, the two of you had created a tradition since you started working at The Beef. Tina would shoo Richie to the back to clean her area so the two of you could catch up.

Tina had taken you under her wing when you first started working there, teaching you what she could in her spare time. Although you had no plans to work in a kitchen anytime soon, you still cherished the time spent together taking what she taught you and using them in your kitchen. Happily sharing with Tina what your mom thought about a recipe she taught you and bringing one of your mom's famous recipes for Tina to try.

Being able to connect your mom and your work mom through food always brought warmth to your heart. The women in your life all doing their best to raise you to be the best woman you could be. As you and Tina finished cleaning up, the two of you headed to the dining area where you would usually wait for Mikey as he finished up whatever he was doing in his office and Tina would sometimes keep you company.

The two of you occupied the same table that had earlier housed you and Carmy. “So did Carmy get his head out of his ass and ask you to prom?” The smile on Tina’s face showed how excited she was to hear about your progress in getting Carmy open to going to prom.

You hid your face in your hands, your big smile hiding behind it, “He told me he’d think about it, which isn’t a no but, I’m too scared to get my hopes up,” You smiled in Tina’s direction watching as she nodded the smile never leaving her face.

“Mama, why don’t you just ask him yourself?” Tina questioned searching your eyes, your smile faltered as you listened to Tina’s question, why hadn’t you just asked Carmy? It would’ve given you a straight answer, and you wouldn’t have had to wait around while he was being indecisive.

Your eyebrows pinched together as you looked at Tina in earnest, “But what if he says no?” The self-doubt creeping in, of course, you would ask him as friends, you didn’t want to freak him out but insinuating you wanted something more, even though you did.

Tina shrugged her shoulders, a small warm smile decorating her features “You can’t control his reaction Mija.” She leaned forward to clasp your hands in hers, “If you don’t ask you’ll never know.” You could always count on Tina’s solid advice to ground you.

And she was right the worst thing that could happen if you asked Carmy to the prom was his swift rejection. But the answer would always be rejection if you never asked. Tina squeezed your hands as you nodded, letting her words sink in as you calculated the best way to ask Carmy to prom.

“I see the way you look at him mama, and listen,” one of her hands shot out to raise your chin so you were looking at her directly. “It’s going to hurt if he doesn’t feel the same way, but you can’t keep living ya life waiting for him. You can be there for him as much as you want, that’s fine ma, but at the end of the day you gotta remember you’re the only person who got you.”

You could feel the tears on your waterline threatening to spill out, leave it to Tina to serve you the most heartfelt advice on a random Thursday night at a dining table at The Beef.

“I’m not saying you gotta let go of your feelings for him, just don’t lose yourself waiting for that boy to come to his senses.” With that Tina patted your hands as she stood from her seat, coming to your side of the table and planting a loving kiss on your forehead.

“You get home safe now ma, a’ight, make sure Mikey ain’t driving all stupid with you in that car.” You laughed at the jab Tina made about Mikey’s driving.

Standing up the two of you embraced each other in a hug, you were grateful to have Tina in your, and you were grateful to have met the Berzattos because without them you wouldn’t have been able to make all the wonderful connections you have now.

You waited for Tina to grab her stuff so you could walk her out. The two of you exiting The Beef you stood outside the entrance watching Tina as she made her way down the street, waiting until her petite figure was officially out of your sight before heading back inside and locking the door behind you.

Venturing to the back you stopped in the office doorway, Mikey sitting in the desk chair as Richie leaned against the desk the two of them whispering fiercely between each other. You gently knocked on the wall hoping to catch their attention, you learned the hard way that being privy to any whispered conversation these two had was never worth it.

“Uh, I’m ready when you are Mikey,” you looked between the two of them, the two giving off a more sketchy vibe than they usually did.

“You uh, didn’t hear anything you weren’t supposed to did you?” Richie’s question caused you to frown. They were definitely doing some sketchy shit that you wanted no part in.

You rolled your eyes before bending down to pick up your backpack on the floor next to the door. “You two are so fucking weird,” you crossed your arms over your chest as you looked between the two of them. Mikey finally rose from his seat and tossed you the keys that were sitting on the desk.

“Hey! That’s rude you know, I think I’m fucking great,” Richie’s response caused a tired smile to form on your lips.

“Yeah Rich, you can be cool sometimes. Goodnight Rich, get home safe.” You sent a small wave his way before leading the way to the car parked in the back of the lot, wanting nothing more than to get home, shower, and bundle up in your warm bed.

You unlocked your door before quickly sliding in and reaching over to unlock Mikey’s door. Silently rushing him along and immediately turning on the heat as Mikey settled into his seat reversing out of the lot.

“What were you and Richie even doing anyway?” You looked over in Mikey’s direction as your hands were placed in front of the vents supplying warmth to your body.

Mikey smiled at you before facing the road again your curiosity was always something he could count on, “Just keeping the business afloat. Nothing to worry over.” You nodded along, no stranger to the many problems The Beef ran into. It shocked you sometimes that it was still up and running, but you knew Mikey always found a way to keep things going.

“How’s school?” The question gained your attention, one of these talks is almost mandatory between the two of you, Mikey checking in on you and in a not-so-subtle way checking in on Carmy through you. You couldn’t pretend you knew why it was so hard for them to just talk to each other, but you guessed any effort was effort.

“Alright, I guess, just preparing for finals. Oh, guess what?” The giddiness in your voice earned a chuckle from Mikey as he nodded for you to go on. “I’m planning to ask Carmy to prom, but like as friends you know?” It was a bit ironic that every Berzatto except the one that mattered knew about your crush, but according to them, you weren’t very subtle about it.

Mikey’s laugh crumbled your resolve a bit, you weren’t sure if he was laughing at you or your idea. You flicked his shoulder sure he couldn’t feel it through his jacket, he raised his hand as a way to ward off your attack. Not that it was doing anything to hurt him.

You watched as Mikey pulled into your driveway never forcing you to cross the street on late nights. His hand reached for the ignition turning the car off as he shifted to face you in his seat.

“You know I’m proud of you right?” you nodded as you listened to Mikey’s words. “You’re gonna do big fucking things, Baby, don’t forget about us little guys alright.” You laughed a little confused about where this topic of conversation was coming from.

“I could never forget about you Brother Bear.” You teased the childhood nickname you gave Mikey pulling his lips into a smile. “I’m gonna write about you one day Mikey, gotta remember you to do that.” You watched as he just stared at you eyes roaming over your face, you reached across the console pressing a quick kiss on his cheek before moving to get out of the car.

Mikey’s hand reached out to grab your arm, “You gonna look out for Carmy even when you leave right?” You nodded at the question, feeling no need to elicit a verbal response. “Just keep an eye out for me will you, you’re good for Carmy.” You had no plans to cut Carmy off after your move, the two of you already discussed the best ways to keep in contact, the best season to catch a flight in.

“Come on now Mikey, you Berzatto’s are stuck with me for life, you can’t get rid of me that easily.” You laughed as Mikey rolled his eyes

“Get your ass in the house, Baby, I told your mom I’d stop bringing you home so late,” you nodded, picking your backpack up from by your feet on the floor. You quickly walked to your front door turning back to send Mikey a wave as he watched you get in safely.

Mikey sighed as he easily parked the car in his driveway just across the street. It was selfish but he needed you to stay in Carmy’s life in whatever way you could manage. Carmy would need you, the role you played in his life making him a better person than he already was. Mikey just hoped for your sake that Carmy put in the effort to keep you in his life, his little brother honing in on the Berzatto family habit of self-sabotage.

Mikey would speak to Carmy about it, if there was one thing he would get his little brother to understand, it was that allowing you to walk out of his life would be a colossal mistake.

Carmy was waiting for you in front of the school. Since getting your licenses the two of you had been taking turns driving the other to school, and today was his turn. He knew it would take you a good minute to make your way to the entrance since your class was located at the back of campus. It didn’t bother him though, it gave him a chance to try and calm his nerves. There was one week left until prom and he still hadn’t asked you.

He purchased the tickets a week ago. You had given him the perfect opportunity at lunch when you decided to spend the period getting help from your creative writing teacher.

Carmy just never felt like it was the right time to ask you, at least that’s what he was telling himself. In reality, he had plenty of opportunities, he just kept losing his confidence. Forcing him to constantly postpone the question he so desperately wanted answered.

For example, when he was visiting with your mom over the weekend and you were teaching him your mom’s famous peach cobbler recipe. He swore he was gonna ask you in the midst of baking, he knew you were into romantic gestures. Not that he wanted to go to prom with you romantically or anything like that. But then the two of you made a mess with the flour while trying to perfect your mom's homemade biscuits, flour getting everywhere including on the two of you.

Carmy decided as he watched you clean your face that right then was as perfect a moment as ever. The two of you were in high spirits enjoying each other's company, but then he watched as the evening light streamed through the kitchen window just perfectly. The sunlight lit up the features on your face he had somehow been overlooking for all the years he knew you. Your bright eyes and cheeky smile were solely trained on him.

And there he was standing in your mom’s kitchen, drowning in the attention you had always allotted especially for him. His smile faltered as he couldn’t help but just watch you at that moment, his breath hitched while his eyes skated over the planes of your face, the ache in his chest slowly dwindling his confidence. And Carmy decided he just couldn’t ask you that day. The timing wasn’t right. The two of you were a mess and he needed to find a bottle of Pepto Bismol asap.

So that’s how he ended up nervously waiting for you to exit school on a random Monday in May. Carmy made sure he was in the regular meeting spot as you two had dedicated it, out of the way of any other students. The two of you weren’t loners, well you weren’t, Carmy didn’t care too much for high school labels. But the two of you were fine being in each other’s presence with no need to include anyone else, and yeah sometimes you would run off with Claire or Hayden and try to invite Carmy, but Carmy didn’t need any of that. He got you and your attention every day of the week whenever he wanted, and for Carmy, that’s all he really needed.

Carmy finally spotted you making your way through the crowd of teenagers who were either waiting for their rides or just trying to prolong the day with their friends. An unconscious smile graced his features he had been waiting all day to finally just get things over with and pop the question. The two tickets held so tightly in his hands they were starting to crinkle. Letting out a deep breath, Carmy straightened up, wanting you to take his inquiry seriously, not sure his usual shyness would exhibit that he truly wanted to go to prom with you.

No longer able to wait, Carmy began walking in your direction, doing his best to avoid the bodies that didn’t care enough to pay attention to him. He made it halfway before the sight in front of him caused him to abruptly stop. Walking next to you was the tall boy he always felt himself feeling insecure around. Hayden had never shown Carmy any ill will and had even tried to include Carmy in conversation in the times he joined the two of you for lunch. But the teenager had something Carmy didn’t have; a reserve of confidence and natural charisma. The two of you had just met this year in your creative writing class and Carmy swore he would never hear the end of it.

Hayden was drinking in all your attention right now, the two of you bouncing ideas off of each other for your creative writing final. You thought Hayden was cool since your first meeting at the beginning of the year. The two of you became instant critique buddies, always asking the other to analyze a class assignment before you submitted it. At times you had thought about inviting him to hang out with you and Carmy outside of school, but you didn’t want to make Carmy uncomfortable, so the two of you remained friends inside the confines of high school.

You laughed at one of Hayden’s outlandish ideas, knowing if he turned in a paper on the topic of whatever conspiracy theory he was into at the moment they would probably withhold his diploma.

“Hey, check it out,” your eyes followed the path Hayden’s finger was pointing at, a small scowl painting your face at the scene playing out in front of you. “Looks like Carmy finally asked Claire to prom.” The words made your ears buzz, and the tickets in your back pocket felt like they were on fire now.

The two of you watched in silence as Carmy and Claire traded shy smiles with each other before he handed her one of the two tickets in his hands. When he told you he’d think about it, you weren’t aware he would think about going with someone else. The hope in your heart immediately died out as you watched the bright smile overtake Carmy’s face. You didn’t blame him, if you had the opportunity to go to prom with your crush, you obviously would have taken it too.

“You good?” The nudge to your arm broke you from your longing gaze, eyes finding Hayden’s through his dorky glasses. You nodded trying to shake the sadness off yourself, Hayden was great at reading people.

“Yeah, actually,” you took a small breath before continuing. “I know this is kind of weird, and you’re totally allowed to reject me. But would you maybe wanna go to prom with me? It doesn’t have to mean anything obviously, just two friends having a good time together.” You slipped the two tickets out of your back pocket brandishing them to Hayden. Even if you couldn’t go with Carmy you still wanted to attend prom and Hayden was a great second choice.

“Hell yeah! I’ve been waiting for you to ask me.” The lame joke caused the both of you to laugh as you shoved Hayden’s shoulder. He took one of the tickets from your hand walking backwards while still facing you. “Don’t sell yourself short, maybe I want to go to prom with you to mean something.” His loud voice catches the attention of the teenagers surrounding you. A group of underclass girls fawning over how cute they thought the scene between you two was.

You watched as Hayden disappeared to his car, a small laugh leaving your lips at Hayden’s antics, a part of you feeling giddy at the idea that someone wanted to go to prom with you as more than friends.

Carmy wasn’t sure how long he stood there staring at the interaction going on between you and Hayden, but it sure did suck the confidence right out of his insecure body. The thought of going to prom with you was just another failed idea as he was sure Hayden would ask you.

“You okay there Berzatto?” Carmy was snapped out of his trance by the presence that made their way to his side. His eyes shot to Claire’s, momentarily widening before he tried to calm his exterior. He nodded his head, giving himself a minute before even thinking of gracing Claire with an incoherent response.

“Ye-Yeah, just waiting for Baby,” his free hand raised to point in your direction as Claire smiled at him, eyes leaving him for only a moment. He dropped his hand not knowing how to continue the conversation, Claire was your friend and yeah he did have his fair share of classes with her, and she did only live down the street from the two of you. But he had never been alone with her on purpose.

The two of them stood in a stilted silence, both overcome by their shyness to say anything. Trying to ease the awkwardness Claire’s eyes landed on the tickets still tightly grasped in Carmy’s hands, finally finding an out to the silence. “I didn’t know you were into prom Carmy,” the statement reminded Carmy of what he had been planning to do in the first place.

One hand raised to run through his slightly grown-out hair, head nodding rapidly in response, “Yeah, Baby seems to be really into it.” Carmy didn’t notice Claire’s smile falter, of course, he was taking you to prom, you were the only girl that existed to him.

Carmy finally faced the girl standing next to him. The least he could do while waiting for you was hold a conversation with her. “Did you want to go?” Carmy watched Claire’s smile brighten, a confused look painting his features. Not realizing that with his overall awkward and shy personality, the girl in front of him thought this was his way of asking her to prom.

“With you?” She questioned the giddiness in her voice, easy to point out. Carmy’s eyes widened this time, this was definitely not his original plan. But he couldn’t just say no and turn her down he would’ve felt bad, plus he did have a huge crush on her, and Mikey and Richie had both told him to stop being such a pussy when it came to girls. So Carmy realized he had his answer.

“Yeah with me, i-if you want to I mean,” Carmy waited with bated breath hoping he hadn’t read the situation wrong. If Claire’s blush and wide smile were any indication he was on the right track. He raised the hand that contained the tickets between the two of them, plucking one out and offering it to Claire.

Their hands brushed as she reached for the ticket, Carmy’s smile matching hers as they fell into polite small talk about their day and their plans for after graduation.

“Don’t sell yourself short, maybe I want going to prom with you to mean something,” the sound of what they both knew to be Hayden’s voice drew their attention. They watched the fading interaction between you and Hayden, Carmy’s attention zeroing in on a laugh he heard over a hundred times.

The squeeze on his bicep removed his attention from you, eyes falling back to the girl he had just asked to prom, albeit accidentally. “They’re so cute! I can’t believe they’re going to prom together,” Claire’s excitement had somehow increased after Hayden’s obnoxious display. “Hey, maybe we can carpool,” It was wrong but Carmy couldn’t get himself to focus on the words leaving Claire’s mouth, too busy watching you watch Hayden.

“Oh hey, my mom’s here. We’ll figure it out later, see ya Carmy.” He sent a noncommittal nod in Claire’s direction, a slight wave sent to her mom who was patiently waiting in the car. Eyes immediately went back to your figure that had finally begun to make its way in his direction, the smile on your face confusing him. You didn’t like Hayden did you?

Carmy watched as you stopped in front of him before your hand reached out to shove his shoulder, “Why didn’t you tell me you were asking Claire to prom?” Carmy wasn’t sure why but your question irked him, the excitement in your voice crawling under his skin. It’s not like he had to run his whole life by you, you obviously didn’t.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were asking Hayden to prom?” The hostility in Carmy’s tone and the frown on his face confused you, “You just asked him to prom so he’ll sleep with you.” Your eyes widened at Carmy’s insinuation that the only reason anyone would go to prom with you was to fulfill their carnal desires.

You scoffed rolling your eyes at his immaturity, “You have an ugly fucking attitude, Carmen.” The shove of your shoulder into his as you stormed off to the car cooled his anger down.

Carmy had no clue what the fuck had been going on with him, with the two of you recently. But he knew he needed to cool it with these mood swings before you decided to leave him behind for good. He only had you for the rest of the summer before your constant presence in his life would disappear. He didn’t want to give you a reason to cease all contact after your move. Carmy followed after you knowing it would be a silent car ride home.

Prom Night | Saturday

The week leading up to prom had been the most awkward week between you and Carmy since the dawn of your friendship. It's not like you were giving him the cold shoulder, but you sure weren’t as nice and friendly as you usually were with him. You only spoke to him out of necessity that week, your friendship with him on rocky ground after the accusation he threw your way.

It had gotten so bad that you had even begun inviting Claire and Hayden to your’s and Carmy’s self-proclaimed lunch table. You had told Carmy it was under the guise of figuring out the plans for prom night, but you just didn’t want to sit alone with Carmy as he acted like everything was fine between the two of you. And Carmy knew two, and if he was brave enough he would’ve admitted that it hurt to see you so upset with him to the point that you were no longer comfortable in just his presence.

He had even broached the topic to Sugar, hoping she would be able to give him advice since she was a teenage girl at one point, and probably understood your thought process better than he did. He regretted the decision immediately when she explained to him that because of the situation, he should be more worried about the way his words hurt you, rather than his feelings of you distancing yourself from him. She had gone on a long tangent about how you had every right to want space from him, the two of you were longtime best friends, and having someone you trust with your whole life deduce you to just your body would make anyone question the friendship. Carmy learned the hard way that Sugar wasn’t going to tell him what he wanted to hear just to make him feel better.

It was a tough week for Carmen Berzatto and it was nobody's fault but his own. Sitting on his bed he stared at the suit he would be donning tonight, the excitement he once held for prom, slowly dwindling with every smile you saved for Hayden that week. Every time you asked for Hayden’s advice before Carmy’s he felt his resolve cracking, for a constant time in his life your friendship with him was the only thing that truly belonged to him.

He wasn’t used to having to share your attention with anyone outside of his and your family. He wasn’t prepared for the smile he thought was reserved just for him, to so easily graced your lips when speaking with Hayden

You and Claire were getting ready together at your house, you had invited the girl to join you after she explained her mom would be out of town for a business meeting. The friendship between the two of you was still rather new, you wouldn’t go as far as to call her your best friend, but she was your first close girlfriend and you thought that counted for something.

Claire was easy to be friends with. She was a sweet girl with a bright personality and the two of you wondered how you had lived on the same street all this time and never became friends before senior year. Claire was easy to be friends with; that is until Carmy decided he liked her. After that day it was no longer just you and Carmy, it was you, Carmy, and Claire. And Claire was never even actually physically there, she was just a topic of conversation that Carmy couldn’t go a day without somehow bringing up.

You didn’t blame Claire though, how could you? And just as naturally you watched as your new friend fell for your oldest one. It hurt in the beginning to realize Carmy would never speak of you the way he spoke of Claire, but as time went on you got over it, the mantra ‘if Carmy’s happy, I’m happy’ slowly getting you through senior year. But it was agonizing when Claire confessed to you she had fallen for your shy doe-eyed shadow.

Luckily for you though the two of them were too shy to ever do anything about it. And maybe you were a shit friend for not telling Carmy that he did have a chance with his dream girl, but you would’ve been an even worse friend for revealing Claire’s secret behind her back. It was a lose-lose situation. So now you were relegated to being the middleman, lending both of your friends an ear to talk about their infatuations with each other.

And that’s exactly what you were doing right now as you listened to Claire drone on about how sweet Carmy was. And how cute he looked when he asked her to prom, and if you thought he would look good in his suit tonight; which yes, you did but Claire didn’t need to know that. You were almost starting to regret inviting her over, but you had to remind yourself it wasn’t her fault that you were too scared to admit your feelings to Carmy, or that you should’ve just asked Carmy to prom yourself with no hesitation.

“Which color?” Claire’s voice broke you from your pity party, the two of you sitting on the floor in front of your mirror, your respective makeup set out in front of you. You looked at the two eyeshadow palettes Claire was pointing at, quickly pointing at the one color palette that would work best with her blue-green eyes.

“I think these colors will make your eyes pop,” the small smile on your lips encouraging Claire to take your advice. “Can I be honest with you?” You were unsure that you wanted to have this conversation with Claire, but you’d always have Carmy’s best interest at heart.

Claire shifted to face you, your serious tone drawing her undivided attention. “Just be careful with Carmy, okay?” Your eyes flickered between hers to make sure she understood the gravity of what you were saying. “Not in a bad way or anything, it's just…he really likes you. And he’s not that experienced in the romance department, so just don’t expect too much of him,” you paused, eyes going down to watch as your fingers picked at the hem of your robe.

“He’s shy, ya know, and he’s a little self-conscious even though he does not need to be because he’s so cool once you get to know him. But if he seems a little clueless or doesn’t pick up on your queues, just don’t hold it against him okay? I know he’s going to try not to mess things up with you Claire.”

Your eyes found Claire’s face again, a small endearing smile on her lips, “You care about him a lot.” You laughed not meaning for it to sound as sarcastic as it came across, you did a lot more than care about Carmy. “I’m glad Carmy has a friend like you in his life,” Claire’s hand patted your knee, the truth in her words causing your heart to sink a little in your chest.

“Enough about me and Carmy, I didn’t know you were into Hayden!” The two of you giggled about the fact you were talking about boys and getting ready for prom, neither of you thought you’d be in this situation right now.

“I’m not. We’re just going as friends,” you said as the two of you began to paint your faces. “Well make sure he knows that.” You put down the lip liner you were examining, eyes flashing to Claire as she shot you a goofy smile.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You watched as Claire rolled her eyes at your obliviousness, you threw a makeup brush at her that she easily swatted away. “I’m just saying” the other girl’s hands raised in defense, “Hayden has like the biggest crush on you, he’s just too nonchalant to say anything.”

“Really?” The surprise in your voice stole a laugh from Claire. “Of course! Look, you didn’t hear this from me but he had plans to ask you to prom. You just beat him to the punch.”

You watched Claire for a minute as she resumed doing her makeup. Your own eyes find your figure in the mirror, a shy smile curving your lips. Maybe your head had been so far up Carmy’s ass you were too blind to see that there was another great guy out there ready to make you happy.

You thought of the advice Tina had given you a few weeks back, you would always care for Carmy. But if he was getting his happy ending tonight, it was only fair that you tried as well. As you and Claire sat there chit-chatting and getting ready, you thought about how different your life would be if you set your feelings for Carmy aside, and tonight was the best time to figure it out.

You and Claire made your way across the street to the Berzatto household where everyone was waiting for the two of you. Your mom and aunt left 30 minutes ago, Donna having invited them over for dinner while you all attended prom. You saw Hayden’s car parked in front of their house and couldn’t help but feel excited at the idea of spending such a fun night with him, you had only ever seen him as a friend but maybe tonight could change things.

You were pretty sure Donna was snooping through the windows excitedly waiting for the two of you to arrive because the moment your foot hit the sidewalk Donna threw the door open with a loud voice surprising the two of you.

“Oh my goodness! Look at you girls, you look beautiful!” Donna exclaimed as she made her way towards the two of you pulling Claire into a hug before throwing her arms around you, careful to mind the bulky Polaroid camera in her hand.

Removing yourself from the hug you peered behind her to see everyone else filing out of the house. Your aunt helped your mom as she talked Nat’s ear off about something you couldn’t hear. Mikey and Richie do their best to interrogate a calm Hayden, and Carmy awkwardly follows behind at the back of the pack, his suit hugging him well.

You were quickly pulled away from your assessment of Carmy as Nat made her way to you with a huge grin on her face. “Baby! Oh my goodness!” Her words became muffled as she pulled you into a hug. “You look so gorgeous, Carmy is such a tool. Well, no offense to Claire.” You let out a small laugh as you parted from Natalie, the two of you joining everyone else so the picture-taking could begin.

Before joining Claire and Carmy you stopped by Mikey and Richie to pick up your date, hoping they hadn’t gone overboard with the ‘intimidating older brother’ act. Squeezing in between the two older men you looped your arm around their torso pulling them into a double-side hug.

“Are tweedle-dee and tweedle-dumb giving you a hard time Hayden?” The words leave behind a mock pout on your lips. You gave Hayden a bright smile, easily taking his suited figure in, he had forgone his round dorky glasses. But his signature unruly dark curls were in their usual mess atop of his head, and you would admit you appreciated it.

You watched as the once apprehensive look on his face turned into a bright grin at your words, a pretty blush painting his angular cheeks. “Wow, you look uh-”

“She looks what buddy?” Mikey’s tone left no room for questions, his arms moving to cross against his chest widening his stance to appear more intimidating.

“You look pretty.” You weren’t even given a second to respond as Mikey started in again.

“I look fucking pretty to you? Richie, this boy just call me pretty?” Mikey’s eyes never left Hayden’s even as his question was directed at Richie.

You watched as Richie copied Mikey’s stance, your arms falling from their movements. “Yeah Mikey, I think he fucking did.”

“Richie’s a looker too, you gonna call him pretty?” You watched as Hayden fumbled with his words, eyes searching yours for any help.

“Yeah Curly Sue, I wanna be fucking pretty too.” You weren’t sure how the conversation had gotten so out of control but luckily for you, your mom was there to save the day. Pulling Hayden’s attention to a conversation so he could escape your two personal bodyguards.

“You two stop giving that poor boy a hard time.” Mikey and Richie having no defense against your mom, let him join her as Donna came up to the three of you for a picture.

You resumed your initial position with them, arms finding their way back around their torsos. The two of them leaned down to press a kiss against both of your cheeks, a cheesy smile taking over your features as the three of you posed for Donna’s camera.

“Okay Baby, grab your cute little date and take some photos,” Donna motioned you over to where Nat was finishing up the couple photos of Carmy and Claire, now waiting for you and Hayden.

You maneuvered yourself from Mikey and Richie’s grip standing in front of them, the two of them looking at you with smirks decorating their faces. Although you found their antics to be stupid, you were glad to have people in your life who cared enough about you to try and scare your dates away.

“This kid not weird or some shit is he Baby?” Mikey scowled at you, arms finding their way across his chest. You shook your head, you thought you knew enough about Hayden to vouch for him. “No, he’s just a friend. It was a last-minute decision.” The two men stared at the boy who was waiting for you to take pictures with him, the pretty flower corsage in a box in his hands.

Mikey nodded in his direction signaling for you to go and join him, “You guys stop by The Beef after. Don’t want you and Carmy getting into any stupid shit.” You nodded before making your way to Hayden’s side. His smile caused one to grace your lips as well.

“Everybody wants pictures of us but uh, I need to give you this first.” You smiled as he shyly showed you the corsage, you watched as he removed it from its box. You held out your hand as he carefully slipped it on your wrist, surprised to see how perfectly the colors chosen complimented your skin tone.

You couldn’t help but share a small smile with him when the two of you caught each other’s eyes again. “Thank you, Hayden, it's beautiful.” The click of a camera drew your attention, eyes finding Nat’s as she looked at the image on her digital camera.

“Awe Baby! The two of you are so cute, okay give me a few poses.” Carmy couldn’t help but watch as Sugar gushed over you and Hayden, his mom keeping Claire’s attention as they discussed whatever it was they were so enraptured in.

He watched as the two of you took photos as if you were a couple and not just two friends going to prom. The two of you stood in the standard prom pose looking like the perfect match, Hayden standing behind you with his hands wrapped around your waist, the two of you smiling happily at the camera. The position changed slightly as Hayden rested his chin on your shoulder for one shot, slightly turning his head for the next shot so his lips caressed your cheek. From Carmy’s vantage point, you didn’t seem to mind.

Carmy was pulled into Mikey’s side as his older brother wrapped his arm around his shoulder. The two of them watch you and your date in silence for a moment. “Baby’s growing up isn’t she?” The question was not something Carmy was expecting from Mikey.

“Do me a favor and look out for her Carmy alright?” Carmy nodded, no one ever needed to ask that of him. “Better start treating her right before this becomes your feature.” Mikey looked down at Carmy hoping to drill the words into his younger brother, sending one more squeeze to his shoulder and an encouraging smile his way before leaving to join Richie in conversation with your mom and aunt.

Sugar caught Carmy’s eye, a melancholy smile on her lips, “Carmy come, let me get a picture of you and Baby together!” He looked to his mom and Claire, the two of them giving him nods of encouragement. He gently took the Polaroid camera from his mom's hand knowing you’d like at least one Polaroid of the two of you before heading in your direction.

He approached you and Hayden as the two of you were having a quiet conversation, “So if I potentially called you baby non platonically how would you feel about that?” Carmy wanted to gag and was relieved as he watched you roll your eyes at the cheesy pickup line.

“Eww, actually please don’t,” Carmy stood there in silence watching how chummy the two of you were and feeling awkward for just listening.

“You’re right, my girl has a better ring to it.” Carmy’s eyes widened he had no idea where the fuck this kid's confidence was coming from but it sure was starting to piss him off. He watched your mouth hang open partially at a loss for words apparently just as appalled as Carmy.

The hand reaching up to cup your chin almost sent Carmy into a full spiral, “Close your mouth, can’t have my girl swallowing flies.” Camry was about to blow his shit! Who the fuck did this model-looking motherfucker think he was?

“Hey, pretty boy! None of that slick shit in my yard!” Carmy had never been more thankful for Mikey’s obnoxious personality, watching as you and Hayden laughed together looking thick as thieves.

He quickly took his opportunity to squeeze his way into the space Hayden had once taken up. Carmy could feel the tension as he stood next to you, he quickly handed the Polaroid off to Sugar so she could take the picture before making his way back to your side.

Neither of you spoke a word as you got into position standing in a side hug so the awkward tension between the two of you wouldn’t be as noticeable in the final photo. As you fixed yourself to make sure you were presentable, Carmy found himself enraptured with you carefully sliding his arm around your waist.

The way you had chosen to style your hair was something he wasn’t accustomed to. The new style allows the angelic planes of your face to be showcased, the apples of your cheeks and your cheekbones catching his eye. The pretty sparkly stuff on your eyelids catching the dimming sunlight he was almost tempted to touch it. He liked the earrings you had chosen and the way the pearls sat so prettily around your neck he wanted to trace each one.

The square neckline of your dress showcased your perfectly sculpted collarbones. Carmy was so lost in his study of you he hadn’t thought twice about running his thumb across the one closest to him. The touch tickled you enough that your body was now slightly turned into his. Carmy cleared his throat, “Uh…um there was a bug.” He watched as you nodded along with his lame excuse.

Your hand came up to smooth out his pocket square that sat atop his heart. Carmy caught your eye before you could face the camera head-on, he gave your waist a slight squeeze to give himself a boost of confidence. Carmy watched as you stared up at him questionably the two of you just staring at each other for a moment.

Carmy’s eyes darted over your face, taking in your features before losing himself to the shape of your lips for a moment. “I think you look beautiful tonight Baby.” The words left Carmy’s lips with no sense of apprehension, no shyness. He was sure of himself; sure of his statement.

You had leaned into him a little bit more, your eyes rapidly blinking as your brain realized what he said. Carmy watched as a small shy smile graced your lips, his own soon following as he realized just how important it was to keep that pretty smile in his life.

Unbeknownst to the two of you Sugar had watched the whole moment play out, quickly raising the Polaroid to capture the intimate moment between the two of you. A moment she was hoping would finally lead to more between the two of you.

“Thank you Carmy,” Carmy watched as you leaned in slightly before stopping yourself and quickly readjusting so you were facing Sugar head-on. Carmy wasn’t sure what had changed between the two of you in these last couple of weeks but as Carmy forced himself to look away from you, he found himself thankful for whatever ushered in that change.

Carmen Berzatto knew at that moment, he would want for no one else the way he did you. And he would spend every day for the rest of his life proving that he was enough for you.

You and Hayden were leaning against his car as the two of you watched Carmy walk Claire down the street to her own house. Hayden had volunteered to drive you all to prom, and when your fun was done there happily drove you all to The Beef, excited to try the sandwiches you couldn’t stop raving about.

And now the night had come to an end, the four of you all ending back up at your starting destination. You thought the media embellished high school prom a bit, but you hadn’t regretted your decision to go and were happy to have spent such a memorable night with people whose company you enjoyed.

Hayden’s arm was brushing against yours, his suit jacket almost swallowing you up. You were grateful for the jacket, the night growing colder as time went on. The two of you were calmly standing in each other’s presence, the silence not bothering either of you. Tonight with Hayden was fun, you enjoyed how goofy he was. Always doing what he could to make you smile and laugh, you were scared things might have been awkward due to the romantic undertone of the event.

“I had a really good time tonight Hayden, thank you for being my date.” You couldn’t help the shy smile on your lips, you were sure your cheeks would be sore from smiling the whole night away.

Hayden sent you a bright smile of his own head nodding along, “Me too, I’m glad you decided to ask me.” The two of you stood there for a moment just smiling at each other.

In the movies, this was usually the moment a kiss would happen. But you weren’t sure if you wanted Hayden to kiss you, you enjoyed his company and you thought he was a great guy but you didn’t feel anything romantic for him yet and didn’t want a single kiss to lead him on.

You leaned up slightly, your lips caressing his cheek as a form of thanks. “Maybe…we could hang out some other time?” If you were really going to put your happiness first it would be necessary to put yourself out there.

“I’ve got you till the end of July don’t I?” Your eyes find Hayden’s cheeky smile as his hand raised your chin. You nodded eyes searching his face, wondering what these next two months might hold for the two of you.

His thumb began to rub back and forth on your chin, your breath hitching as you watched him lean down. Mind going blank, panic filling you as you tried to figure out if this was something you wanted. You stood still, nerves racing through your body as you were about to have your first kiss.

You watched as Hayden’s eyes flicked to the side before he reluctantly stepped back, thumb brushing your chin one final time before his hand returned to its side. You followed his line of sight to see Carmy approaching, standing a little distance away to wait for you.

Turning back to Hayden you sent him one last smile, the boy pulled you into a hug engulfing you with a slight kiss pressed to the top of your head before the two of you moved apart. You quickly slipped off his jacket before handing it to him, moving back so he could get in his car. You watched as he sent Carmy a small nod in goodbye before his car disappeared down your street.

Letting out a small sigh you turned to where Carmy was waiting for you a shy smile on his face. You smiled back as you approached him the two of you walking up the sidewalk to his front door, you knew your mom and aunt would still be here at this time.

The two of you entered the house greeting the four women that were sitting in the living room having their small party. Questions were thrown at both of you about your time and making sure your dates made it home safe all the usual questions to be expected after prom. You listened as your mom told you that you would be leaving soon. Knowing that when it came to your mom soon could mean in the next five minutes or the next two hours.

Your eyes found Carmy’s as you let out a small yawn, his eyebrows raising in question before nodding towards his room. You made your way to follow him up the stairs too tired to contribute to the conversation happening in the living room.

Entering Carmy’s room you made your way to the foot of his bed to sit down, quickly removing your heels a sense of relief filling you. Dropping your heels you watched as Carmy stood by his door looking as though his mind was racing. You smiled at him patting the spot next to you, a sort of peace offering.

“How was your night, Carmy?” You watched as he made his way to sit next to you, head falling to rest on his shoulder as you awaited his response.

“It was fun, yeah, Claire was really nice.” You watched as he blushed, you might have felt a little sad any other night but right now you were too exhausted to care.

“Why didn’t you kiss Hayden?” The question hit you like a shot of espresso. You raised your head from Carmy’s shoulder trying to find his eyes as he kept his head focused on his clasped hands. “I don’t know, I don’t think it felt right.” You genuinely had no good explanation for Carmy, you didn’t even have one for yourself.

“Did you kiss Claire?” Your question came off a little more hostile than you had intended. Carmy sat up, eyes finally meeting yours as he shook his head. You felt guilty at the relief that flooded through you.

“No, it didn't feel right.” You let out a small laugh at the recycled explanation, a similar one leaving Carmy’s lips as he didn’t take his eyes off of you.

“Gosh we’re such losers,” you giggled, bumping your shoulder with Carmy’s. “I thought for sure you would’ve taken your chance to kiss Claire tonight.” You wiggled your eyebrows in a teasing manner, the ice that had been ruining your friendship this past week seemingly forgotten.

Carmy gulped as he continued to study you. “Maybe she wasn’t the girl I wanted to kiss tonight,” Carmy’s words caused your joking mood to quickly sober up, the smile disappearing from your face completely as you realized just how intently he was staring at you.

“Carmy,” your voice trailed off, not sure what the boy in front of you was getting at. You stood up needing a bit of space to understand the underlying message in Carmy’s words. “Carmy, what are you talking about?”

He followed your movements, the two of you both standing up now, faces inches apart. You couldn’t help but follow Carmy’s tongue as it quickly traced his lips, your own coming out to wet yours. The room was silent as you waited for Carmy to say something, anything. Your heart began to beat faster as the 10 words Carmy spouted in your direction gave you a sense of hope.

Your breath hitched as you watched Carmy’s hand raise, his eyes falling to your neck. You felt his fingers delicately trace the path of borrowed pearls, each touch leaving behind a whisper of something you couldn’t place. You allowed him to continue, too nervous to say anything at that moment.

His hand began to trace its way up the side of your neck, soft touch making your knees weak. He looked to be in a trance lost in the idea of you. A gasp escaped your lips as his hand gripped the side of your neck, fingers gently tugging the hair at the nape of your neck.

Carmy couldn’t explain it, but this, you standing so beautifully in his room right now, lips parted slightly as you waited for him to make the final move felt right. It felt so right it didn’t matter who either of you went to prom with, it didn’t matter that this would be the first kiss for both of you. What mattered was that it was you here with him; you who had always been with him, he would’ve given everything to be deserving of you.

The small nod of your head was the last sign Carmy needed before he surged forward capturing your lips in a harsh kiss. The two of you were so inexperienced your teeth clashed together. The roughness brought the both of you back down to earth, you couldn’t help but laugh at how awkward that first kiss was. You didn’t even think it could even be considered a kiss, more so a smack of lips against each other.

You watched the shy blush rise on Carmy’s cheeks, you could tell he was feeling self-conscious about the whole situation. Your hand raised to gently caress the hand that was still placed on the side of your neck.

Eyes locked you sent him a warm smile leaning in slightly a small whispered “c’mere” breathed between the two of you as you gently pressed your lips into his. Your eyes closed as you felt Carmy relax into the embrace, a sigh leaving his lips as he tugged you closer by the hand wrapped around your neck.

The two of you pulled apart eyes fluttering open as you drank in each other. Neither of you say anything for a moment, the room is filled with the sounds of your soft breathing. You couldn’t believe this was finally happening, all these months of unrequited feelings and secret pining, and here you were kissing Carmen Berzatto in his bedroom.

You watched as Carmy let out a shy laugh, thumb caressing the space behind your ear. Your smile matched his, the two of you watching the other with goofy smiles playing on your lips.

“Can I-,”

“Yes.”

Carmy gave you no chance to finish your sentence before he eagerly agreed and surged back in to kiss you. His lips felt like heaven against your own, you had wondered what this moment would feel like if it ever happened. If Carmy’s lips felt as soft as they looked, what would their natural taste be like?

The kiss continued as Carmy’s tongue poked out to shyly glide across your lips, you smiled into the kiss before parting your own. Easily inviting him in, the two of you languidly moved in sync, no battle to be fought as the two of you enjoyed the caress of each other’s mouths.

You couldn’t help but moan into Carmen’s mouth a hunger you didn’t know you had finally being satisfied. The small tug on your hair caused your mouth to open wider, the kiss becoming sloppy as the two of you gave in to your desires. You felt Carmy’s hand delicately trace your neck, his infatuation constantly leading him back to it.

The bite on your lip caused a harsh gasp to leave your lips, Carmy quickly pulling away at the noise. He looked at you with wide fearful eyes scared that he hurt you, ruining a good moment too soon.

“I - I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to.” Seeing Carmy so worried and vulnerable at the moment sent a thrill of warmth through your body. Your confidence grew as his faded, you took a small step into his space backing him up into the foot of the bed which caused him to resume his sitting position.

You could get used to looking down at Carmy.

You raised the hem of your dress so you could maneuver yourself into his lap, arms going to wrap around his neck. Carmy watched you like a deer in headlights, this new sense of confidence making you feel brave. As Carmy sat there like a statue you gently removed your hands from around his neck to guide his to your waist.

His hands squeezed your hips as you quickly adjusted yourself in his lap, Carmy’s eyes following the hem of your dress as it moved up more exposing your thighs. “Won’t you kiss me again Carmy?” The small whisper bounced off of Carmy’s lips due to your proximity, you watched as he rapidly nodded his head, hands squeezing your hips for dear life. You gave him a small smile before the both of you surged forward eager to be connected again.

As the kiss between you deepened you began unconsciously rolling your hips into Carmy’s the feel of his lips searing into yours making you want more. You listened as a strangled noise left Carmy’s lips before he pulled away again, you quickly stopped your ministrations.

“Is this okay, do you want me to stop?” The question caused Carmy’s head to rest against your rapidly rising and falling chest.

“No-no I-I just need a minute.” You were beginning to feel guilty, maybe you had come on too strong and Carmy was just confused about his feelings. You began moving to get off of his lap not wanting him to be any more uncomfortable than he probably was.

You stopped as a blissful sigh escaped Carmy’s lips, his eyes finally moving to meet yours. You sat there silently as the grip on your hips tightened a sigh parting your lips as Carmy bucked up into you while he guided you back and forth. The direct eye contact somehow increased the sensation between the two of you.

“I-I like it when you move like that.” You nodded along to Carmy’s words, continuing the movements yourself as Carmy’s lips found your neck trailing open-mouth kisses on any bare piece of skin he could. One hand quickly reached up, sliding the thin strap of your dress down, so he could finally appreciate your collarbones in the way they deserved.

In all honesty, neither of you had any clue what the hell you were doing, but whatever it was, it was working. No matter how messy the touches were, or how sloppily you were kissing each other every movement felt right.

Carmy was lavishing your chest and neck in any way that he could, kisses trailing over each collarbone. An impromptu bite in the space where your neck and shoulder met caused your breath to hitch. Your hips created a rhythm against his as the two of you lost yourself to the bliss.

A loud knock at the door interrupted the two of you. Carmy quickly removed his lips from your neck, doing his best to shield your body in case someone walked in. Neither of you knew how long it had been, too caught up in losing yourself to each other, too caught up to realize how far things had almost gone.

The knock sounded again as your aunt said your name, “We’re heading out, meet us downstairs.” Footsteps leading away from the door calmed the nerves both you and Carmy had been feeling, eyes peeling away from the door to match with each other.

No one said a word as the two of you stared at each other, you taking in Carmy’s flushed appearance. As he admired your disheveled figure above him, the confidence quickly left your body as you shuffled to get off of his lap.

The hand on your hip stopped you as you eyed him curiously, he slowly reached up to fix the straps that he had slid off of your shoulders, the slow shy touches caused your head to spin. He helped you stand up before adjusting the hem of your dress. You quickly glanced away as he tried to subtly adjust himself.

The shout of your name from downstairs forced you to rush to his bathroom mirror to fix any obvious differences in your appearance. By the time you came back, Carmy was holding one of his knit crew necks out for you to slip on.

His hand reached up to scratch the back of his neck, “Uhh, it's cold outside.” You smiled gratefully before slipping the crew neck on, quickly scooping up your heels as you made your way to the door. You turned around facing Carmy one last time with a wide smile on your face, you leaned in prepared to end the night with a sweet kiss.

Carmy leaned in pressing a sweet kiss to your forehead, the two of you scoring the intimate moment. Carmy couldn’t help but smile as he watched you leave wearing his knit crew neck, part of him hoping it smelled of your scent upon its return.

Carmy hadn’t expected the night to take the turn it did, but he was thanking his lucky stars that you went along, no questions asked. Neither of you knew what this meant for the future of your friendship, or if this would blossom into something more. But the two of you were both lost in the bliss of your actions to think too long on it for the rest of the night.

Sunday Evening

You hadn’t seen much of Carmy over the rest of the weekend, instead spending the free time with your mom and aunt. You also weren’t quite sure how to approach him, and the fact that he hadn’t approached you either signified you were both at a standstill, neither of you sure how to broach the topic.

It was Sunday evening and you were on your way to The Beef picking up an extra shift after Mikey called to ask if you could come in. Richie had to leave early for whatever the hell he did in his spare time.

As you parked in the back lot, you were surprised to see Carmy sneaking through the back door. Your heart began to thud a little faster, it was stupid, but you hadn’t thought you’d be seeing him so soon. You sat there for a moment calming your nerves, you were sure the conversation wouldn’t be brought up while you were working, but maybe Carmy came here looking for you specifically.

You got out of your car, locking it behind you before entering the establishment. Quickly punching your time card before grabbing one of the spare aprons and heading to check in with Mikey.

The dinner rush would be starting soon and since Richie was gone you’d have to balance working the cashier and running food to the diners. You walked around, head popping into the office to let Mikey know you were there.

The two of you crashed into each other as he was making his way to the kitchen, arms shooting out to steady you so you didn’t fall.

“Thanks for coming Baby, but uh if you wanna go home I won’t stop you.” You watched Mikey awkwardly scratch the back of his head, eyes darting around the kitchen as he watched the controlled chaos ensue. Surprise etching your features, not used to Mikey being the awkward Berzatto in your life.

“No, I don’t mind kind of needed to get out of the house anyways,” you smiled at home before heading to the front to take care of the line that was beginning to form.

Most of the orders were for takeout so you hadn’t been rushing back and forth too much. But the Johnsons, an old couple who ate dinner here every Sunday, was your first dine-in order, the two greeting you before heading back to their favorite table.

You turned to the window waiting for the order you had already given, watching as Tina made her way to you apprehensively.

“I can run this for you Mama if you want me to.” You shook your head sending her a smile before taking the two red baskets from her hand and making your way to the dining area, eyes instantly spotting the older couple.

“Two famous Italian beef sandwiches for my favorite regulars,” you smiled down at the couple setting a tray in front of each one respectively.

“Say, honey, isn’t that your little friend over there?” You watched as the woman subtly pointed at another table, you and her partner both taking in the scene in front of you.

You felt a wide smile spreading over your face as you took in Carmy’s figure, the shyness exuding off of him. His lips brandishing a small smile, it took the laughter of his table mate to slap the rose-colored glasses off your face.

So caught up in your infatuation with the boy you’d been crushing on and finally got to kiss the other night, you hardly noticed Claire.

The two women sitting at the table in front of you sharing a knowing look, guilt seeping through as they alerted you to something you’d rather be ignorant to.

“I’m so sorry honey, I didn’t mean to upset you. Mabel been telling me I oughta learn when to shut my big mouth. If I ain’t listen 20 years ago I sure wasn’t gone figure it out by now.” You let out a sad pathetic laugh at Ms. Sadie’s explanation doing your best to compartmentalize your feelings.

“Shame though Baby, that boys missing out on something good. You looked at that boy like he parted the heavens and earth. My Mabel used to look at me like that, you know, the only thing she looks at like that now is cake and these damn beef sandwiches.” Ms. Sadie’s laugh unconsciously draws one of your own, finally taking your attention from Carmy and Claire.

“Oh hush up now Sadie and let the girl get back to work,” another watery laugh escaped your lips. “Talking this sweet girl's ear off like she wants to listen to you on top of watching the boy she loves on a date.”

Your head shot to Ms. Mabel’s slightly taken aback by her word choice, she settled you with a look. “Don’t go giving me that look now. You may be foolin' that boy and yourself but you ain’t foolin' anyone with eyes baby.” You let her reach out to gently pat your hand, the two women in front of you made it hard to keep your calm facade up.

“You gone on and head home Baby, and if Michael has a problem with it you let him know Ms. Mabel and Ms. Sadie said it was okay.” You let out a real laugh, the sound caught the one boy’s attention you didn’t care for right now.

“And tell your momma to stop by if she’s ever feeling up for it,” you sent the couple a small smile nodding your head. “Yes ma’am, you two enjoy the rest of your night.” With that, you began your journey out of the dining room.

You stopped as you heard Claire call out your name, turning inside the doorway as she sent you a wave, returning a small one as you purposefully avoided giving Carmy any attention.

You made your way into the kitchen no one needed to ask what was wrong as they took in your somber mood. You silently slid into the walk-in, maybe it was unsanitary but you didn’t think you could face anyone as you finally let the first sob wrack your body.

The fact that you knew this incident wouldn’t change your friendship with him irritated you to no end. But you cared for him so much that you just couldn’t force yourself to quit him. Maybe this move was what you needed, the time spent apart would allow you to discover who you were outside of Carmen Berzatto. You would do your best to allow the friendship between the two of you to keep flourishing, but whatever Carmy decided was best for him, you’d just have to live with it.

You hadn’t realized how long you were standing in the walk-in until Mikey entered. Body engulfing yours in a hug as his warmth radiated through you. The older Berzatto allowed you to stain his shirt in tears, neither of you saying a word as the sound of your sorrow painted the walk-in.

The youngest Berzatto’s hand stilled on the door handle as he listened to your faint cries. His own heart broke as he realized that he hurt you again. Head hitting against the exterior of the door, he didn’t deserve you, didn’t know if he ever would. Carmy forced himself to listen to your faint sobs wanting to console you at this moment but not knowing where the two of you stood.

Two friends stood on opposite sides of a steel door, hearts breaking in unison as it felt like everything was fighting against what they both wanted. July would come and they would part ways, promises whispered to stay in contact and remain friends, neither soul knowing what the years apart would have in store for them.

a/n: i apologize if anything in this chapter doesn't make sense or is wonky, i've been editing for 3 days straight and i feel like i can't read english anymore. hope you enjoyed! i also have a whole playlist if anyone is interested!

taglist: @hawkins-2000 @elliesbabygirl @allbark-no-bite @anakinswh0re3005 @rexorangecouny @thecraziestcrayon @fruitcupsworld @nishinoyahhh @lilylovelyxo @ridingthehotmessexpress @noas-ark @jadeittic @hellokittyever @luvr-bunnyy @sxgees @fandomhopped @is-this-a-febreze-commercial @kravitzwhore @chanluuvr @readingwiththereids @chims-kookies @ladygrey03 @ferida-kahlo @wanderlustnightwanderer @how2besalty @armydrcamers @jointherebellion215 @jackierose902109 @blkbxrbie-esther @ajordan2020 @head-slut-in-charge @magnet-girl @thebookwormlife @sevikasblackgf @writers-hes @senassn

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[brzatto]

OHHHH weird writing question 1, 10, 27, 29 please❤❤ and darling may I just say that your richie/carmy fic "Blue Chicago Moon" is absolutely magnificent in every best way possible?!! It's so hauntingly beautiful I have been rereading the two chapters again and again HELP

🥲🥲🥲 you’re wayyy too kind omg thank you so so much 🤍 i’ve poured a lot of myself into that fic and i never expected it to gain this much attention, it makes me so genuinely happy to know that it resonates with people the way that it does. i hope you can be patient with me for the next chapter!! with what i have planned for it i think it’s going to be around as long as the second one if not maybe a little bit longer but we’ll just have to see >_<

1. i write in 11pt arial, but it’s funny because for most of my life (like literally my earliest moments of writing fic on a laptop) i wrote in eb garamond for some reason..?? i think i just liked how it looked and stuck with it, and then i had a brief phase with times new roman a few years ago, and then shortly after i came across a post along the lines of how writing in a font that doesn’t feel professional/judgmental relieves any subconscious pressure of aiming for perfection and makes writing easier. that post recommended comic sans specifically but that font is just too ugly to me so i ended up switching to arial instead just to test it out because that’s the most non judgmental font to me. i’m not entirely sure if it’s affected my writing process but i do genuinely love the clean simplicity of it when i write now and i don’t think i’ll ever change it again.

10. honestly i think i’m only haunted by past fics i’ve finished... almost everything i’ve published in the past has already been deleted or taken down but i don’t always save copies of my work so sometimes i think of my old fics and wish i could read them again just to know what my writing was like back then but any time i read my old writing (like anything before 2020) i criiiinge so maybe it’s for the best LOL

27. tbh i think it’s carmy? even though a good 80% of my fics in my docs are from his pov. i’m surprised i don’t write from richie’s more often because objectively i think carmy’s headspace is harder to comprehend… characterization is really important to me in writing and i’m always worried i wet-dogify carmy too much. like he IS very much a sad stupid wet kicked puppy but there’s also nuance to it? a balance to his character that i agonize over a lot. even now i sometimes reread what’s already published of bcm and i’m like… this feels ooc for him 😭

29. my main source of inspiration is definitely music! when i’m deep into any media i’ll look for ways to find it in almost whatever i’m listening to and i also really enjoy curating character pls too. i stopped working on bcm for a few months while being busy/preoccupied with other interests instead but listening to my carmy playlist definitely helps get me back into the headspace for it while i write. if you haven’t yet i would also really really recommend listening to the titular song by songs: ohia! this fic wouldn’t exist without that song and it’s definitely the #1 song that i associate with carmy and the bear as a whole. i link it in the beginning notes of the first chapter <3

[thegirlwhowatchedeverything]

All of these.

Carmy's never truly had a healthy relationship with cooking (not even going to dive into the eating side of it here) so endgame is Syd rekindling his love and passion for cooking by a) being his partner (and vice versa):

The deeper into this I went and the better I got. And the more people I cut out, the quieter my life got. (1x8)

And also I'm not alone like in your house. I have a partner. (2x2)

And b) them together making The Bear a 180 from the emotionally unstable, abusive kitchens they've endured: unnamed absolute psychopath chef breathing down my neck (1x5) and Donna (2x6) and Eleven Madison chef (1x2).

You still love to cook, right? (2x9)

This line always stood out to me because as the audience we already know the answer is a resounding yes. Despite not getting it right with Carmy in 2x2 and the beginning of 2x3, nor alone at the end of 2x3, nor with Tina in 2x5 thus Syd's confidence taking a hit and anxiety rising, her passion never dims. We see that passion shine in the entirety of her solo food tour in 2x3 with the gorgeous insight into her creative process + why can't we put everything that we have into everything that we can? (2x9)

Carmy's regaining his passion for their menu via his drawings. Which were always about and inspired by Syd and Syd alone despite the unfortunate way he explained it and got there.

Carmy knows the answer before he asks it (they even both start to smile/laugh as she says yes) because everything she makes is seasoned/seared/steeped/with her love - you love taking care of people. (Carmy also so clearly loves taking care of others - although this season he showed it not so much through food but in gift giving for Syd and acts of service for Nat, Tina, Ebra, Richie, and Marcus). But I think he feels compelled to ask because he's ultimately worried she'll become like him in the end - he even specifically asks her that question after he tells her she makes him better and she responds in kind. Syd making Carmy better is the raison d'etre for The Bear and is part of his moth to her flame, but Carmy is worried about his effect on her because the further her career takes her, especially the Michelin path she's on now, the more fucked up her passion for cooking could become. Carmy having to retain those stars was his lowest, most stressed career moment (we're trapped vs we're dialed, 2x1) and he does not want that for Syd. Despite his reluctance to return to that grind and his fear of it pulling Syd down too, he gives in because he cannot say no to her. We ofc worryingly see evidence of her passion becoming tainted when she throws up in 2x10 and her expression in that final shot of the season which is anxious? unsure? lost? scared? I think it's Syd's first brief taste of your brain does this weird thing where it just bypasses any sense of joy. It just like attached itself to dread. (2x2)

So S3 and beyond will put Syd through it in her mission for stars. Ultimately, she and Carmy will succeed because the missing ingredient was each other. They are becoming better separately and together because they are slowly becoming more honest with themselves and each other. As Luca says:

I think at a certain stage it becomes less about skill and it's more about being open. To-the world, to yourself, to other people. You know, most of the incredible things that I've eaten haven't been because the skill level is exceptionally high or there's loads of mad fancy techniques. It's because it's been really inspired, you know. (2x4)

And boy if Syd is not Carmy's greatest inspiration.

Phew, the brain rot really took the wheel there lol.

I too, have the brain rot

Thinking about how much Sydney Loves food.

Thinking about how Carmen is falling back in love with food because of Sydney

Thinking about how fucking good Chef Carmen Berzatto is and how he CHOSE Chef Sydney to be his CDC. Do we realize that? Do we realize the significance of that. HE'S CHEF CARMEN jaohtaogaagh

thinking about his coping skill for THE PANIC ATTACK INCIDENT

The staring.

The White Jacket

aotghaoguhaoijtgoat the quiet vulnerable intimate conversation underneath the table gharlgtaoeghaoighargoaiuhrogaiurhgoa