#THEN!! the next episode opens with him at work and he goes into a bathroom stall and we see he's been bleeding out the whole time

[405blazeitt]

came across a shooting scene compilation for the yomigaeru kinro tv drama and it's 35 minutes long

every so often, i feel tempted to rewatch this drama. but the thing is, it's not very good. it has some nice moments, but otherwise, it's like a 13yo's idea of what's cool, so it's hard to take seriously.

maybe a 35min compilation will suffice

[writerunnamed]

note: I am both shocked, and grateful at the response this story has gotten. I didn't tag anyone, and I expected maybe a few people to be into it but you proved me so wrong. So thankful that you all like it, please don't be shy. Slide into the dms, spam me with asks, lets go nuts together. xo (thanks so much for going through and betaing this chapter @frannyzooey xo) Joel(stepdad), significant age gap, female reader. 18+ legal, reader is 20 (warnings: pov sex, shower sex, really inappropriate dirty talk, slight Dom-Joel vibes, daddy kink, heavy guilt) 4k word count masterlist

--

The guilt doesn’t creep in, it consumes like a five alarm fire. It’s weight holding you pressed to your bed as the shadows in your room stretch out with the fading of the golden hour light. The darkness helps, but not nearly enough to make any kind of a difference. 

He’d left after, closing your bedroom door behind him with your slick still smeared all over his dick and the realization of what you’ve done keeps hitting you. It keeps dropping stones in your gut, further weighing you down, naked, in the incriminating wet patch on your sheets. You hear your mother open the front door an indeterminable amount of time after. Your face burns, your heart races, she has to know. Surely she’d felt it, like a phantom limb while she was working, a ghost knife in the shape of her daughter, stabbing her in the back. 

You wait, barely breathing, sheets clutched in the talons of your fingersfor her to storm in, to rip you out of the house by your skin but it doesn’t happen. You hear him laugh, hear them chat as though nothing has happened. Your heart rate steadily lowers, and it becomes apparent that her wrath isn’t pending. 

The ax hanging over your head is being held by you, and no one else.

You stay there, uncomfortable, ashamed, cold, until it’s late enough that the house falls silent. Then, and only then do you get up and change the sheets. You pad out to the bathroom and shower, silently telling yourself that it was a temporary lapse in judgment. It was a psychotic episode. It was a hallucination, there’s no way you’d actually done that. It must have been imagined, but then you clean between your legs and feel the soreness and curse yourself all over again. 

You do your best to wash him off of you, wash the whole encounter, the whole mistake, and vow to yourself to never give it another thought. You console yourself with the thought that he must feel awful too, surely. He was probably lying there next to your mother, terrified with guilt. The devil on your shoulder, that cruel thing inside laughed at your naivety, practically yelling at you to smarten up. He doesn’t feel guilty, he’s probably snoring, his balls empty, his body pleasantly tired without a care in the world. 

Sleep eventually finds you, giving you the blissful respite of the dreamless dark.

—

A week goes by and you can almost convince yourself it had been a dream. Your mother is her normal, distant, distracted self. Joel works and blessedly you have managed to avoid any unsupervised interactions. Your brain however, has splintered and each shard has its role. The first keeps you sane, it does it best to make sure you focus on anything but the event you will not name. Another convinces you that things have almost fixed themselves since… well, that. It fools you into believing that it was somehow a cure. Things feel better in the house. The tension is gone, Joel seems disinterested, your mother is preoccupied. A tentative truce has somehow been enforced. 

There is another shard, an unwelcome and unruly and now untethered part of you that screams for a repeat performance. It begs and pleads for you to corner Joel and take what he gave again and again. The other aspects keep it restrained for most of the day. Work, responsibilities, the general needs and demands of the day take up most of your bandwidth but at night, at night it reigns supreme and without opposition. 

In the comforting dark of your now tainted space, that illicit part of you floods your mind's eye with the vision of Joel there, in your bed. It recalls the feeling of his mouth on your nipples with crystalline clarity, makes you feel the way he molded your body to take him, the way you came around his cock with that word in your mouth.

You were grateful for the toy, but he’d been so frustratingly right about it not doing much. After him, the toy was a tease. It was barely a taste of what he’d been able to do, but it didn’t stop you from using it. It was the safest option, until you could find someone appropriate. 

Or get the fuck out of that house and forget about the whole thing. 

-

More days pass, and that tension filters through your defences, It glides in and fills every angle of the house, every corner with a need borne of your interlude. 

Joel’s eyes linger again, he tracks your movements whether your mother is around or not. He smiles, he tests, pushes your limits with a passing hand on your lower back. His fingers linger when he hands you a plate or a mug, he sits close enough for his thighs to press to yours on the couch, the soft light of the tv and the lamp casting shadows across you both. 

Your mother doesn’t pay attention, or doesn’t see it. You are not a threat to her relationship, why would you be? In any normal, healthy family this would never be something to be worried about, not in a million years. In a proper family, a stepfather would not fuck his stepdaughter. 

A stepdaughter would not fantasize about it either.

The guilt builds the more time passes, but it wars with another, less wholesome feeling. Desire. Unadulterated lust. There is a part of you, a growing, strengthening part that craves him, that bombards you with different ways to have him inside you again, to beg him to fuck you harder, to give it to you longer, to beg for him to come inside you and mark you as his own and this scares you half to death. 

Soon though, it eclipses that guilt and takes you to the breaking point. 

It comes to a head one day, when you come home to both of them smiling and happy. 

“Hey babygirl.” 

He smiles when you set your bag down and you ignore the way your body comes to life with that endearment. 

“Go on up and get dressed, I’m takin’ my girls out for dinner.” 

Your mother beams, sliding her arms around his waist with a dreamy smile. “I got a promotion, Joel is going to treat us.” She’s in a very good mood.

“Oh, I’m alright, bit tired but you two go ahead. Have a drink for me.” You smile your sincerest smile, urging them to leave you alone. The toy floats in your brain, calling to you with the promise of the momentary relief it brings, however paltry compared to him. 

“Nonsense. Go on, we’re all goin’.” He raises an eyebrow, and you sigh, already resigned. “Go on, don’t make me ask you again, we gotta celebrate.” There is a playful, yet iron-strong tone that you know in your heart you cannot disobey. 

“We can go on our own if she wants to stay.” Your mom combs his hair back with her fingers, fixing it and he lets her, smiling down at her as you make your way up the stairs. 

“We’re all goin’-” It’s the last thing you hear him say before you close your door and go about getting dressed. 

-

It’s a pretty fancy steakhouse, a place you’d only ever been to once on a date. He’d put on a nice shirt, and your mom wore one of her nicer dresses. You couldn’t exactly wear leggings, so you’d dug out a dress of your own and trudged along despite your wish to be anywhere but. 

He slid into the booth beside you. You said nothing.

Your mother talks about her job, about how happy she is they’re taking notice of all her hard work and you’re genuinely proud of her. Growing up you don’t remember her holding down a job for more than a few months, Joel had changed that too. He’d pushed her to buckle down and take her employment seriously and it had paid off. It was just another one of those contradictory things about him, something you should have loved him for, a genuine, paternal thing but it didn’t mesh with your new dynamic.

Paternal. What a joke. 

The food is good, and you enjoy it in relative silence while your mother prattles on about her work, her manager, her team while Joel smiles and looks her in the eye. It’s almost pleasant, almost normal, the three of you, mother, father and daughter in a dark little booth celebrating a win. 

It’s almost nice, until you feel his hand on your knee under the table. 

You jump, the shock of it making you drop your fork. 

“You alright babygirl?” He smiles, genuine concern on his face as heat floods your body and you nod, frantically. With a tight smile you go to pick it up but he stops you, and ducks under the table to fish for it. Your mom laughs it off and you smile, blood pounding when you feel his hand again while he’s reaching for the fork. It moves your skirt up, exposing  more of your thigh. 

“I’ll ask the waiter for a new one.” He sits up and winks, adjusting himself so he’s a little closer. His hand lands back on your thigh and his thumb strokes at the skin, little circles that make you lightheaded. 

“I think I need to use the little girls room.” Your mother puts her napkin on the table and for a moment you think this is your chance. If she asks if you need to go, you’ll jump at the chance – but his hand tightens, just enough to let you know to stay put. 

She doesn’t ask, and when she rounds the corner he turns to you, eyes bright with the same lust you’ve been stomping down inside. 

“Happy you’re here babygirl, been missin’ you.” His hand slides up until it’s pressed against your core. Your breath comes in pants, and you’re rendered silent. 

“Been dreamin’ about havin’ you again. Been fightin’ the urge to sneak in and spread you out on that little bed, eat that pretty little cunt til you’re cryin for me to fuck you.” 

He presses close, tilting your face up to press his lips against yours soft enough to tickle. “You been thinkin’ about me?” He presses another little kiss, and you pull away, terrified to see strangers staring at you disgusted. 

No one is looking though, and he knows. 

“Joel, stop, not here.” You’re frantic, heart racing, pussy leaking. 

“Who am I?” he raises his eyebrows, expecting. 

You close your eyes, letting out a sigh. “She’ll be back any minute.” 

“Say it babygirl, say what I know you’re wantin’ to say. Who am I?” His hand lands on your thigh again. 

It’s on the tip of your tongue and you hate that he’s right, you do want to say it. You want to scream it. 

“...Daddy.” It’s barely a whisper, but it feels so good.

“Little louder honey.” He slides up, pressing his fingers against your clit. 

“Daddy, please–” You give in, and it comes out almost a moan. There’s that sense again, of falling into a trap you hadn’t seen him set but it’s secondary to the self-satisfied smile on his face, to the way your body primes itself for whatever he deems fit. Your thighs clamp around his hand, the restaurant falls away and all that matters is his warm breath ghosting across your face, his strength, the press of his fingers.

“That’s better.” He smiles, and moves away and it’s with an unspeakable relief that you see your mother round the corner again, eyes on her feet while you adjust and move further away. The guilt gnaws at you, but the other thing rages, paints her as an interruption for a moment before you reign it in. She smiles when she slides into her side of the booth. 

“How ‘bout we get dessert? I could do with a little somethin’ sweet.” He smiles, and she agrees. 

-

They chat idly on the drive back to the house. She mentions how the excitement has given her a headache, and he urges her to go rest. It’s terrifying, the change in him: his attitude with her, his obvious care and the juxtaposition to his behavior in the restaurant. 

Needing a break from the tension he built inside you earlier, you grab a change of clothes and run for the shower, grateful for the temporary oasis. 

You try to take your time, to focus on anything and everything except the overwhelming need to be fucked into your matress. A few, blissfully steam-filled minutes later you hear the bathroom door open. 

“Mom?” You call out, but after a few silent moments you think you might have imagined it. Until the curtain opens and Joel steps in as naked as the day he was born. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” You let out  a terrified whisper and your first instinct is to cover yourself. 

“Calm down, your mama’s sleepin’. She was feelin’ drained' from work and everythin’ so she took an ambien.” He steps towards you, forcing you to take a step back. “This water’s fit to burn my skin off.” He hisses but doesn’t adjust the temperature. 

He steps under the spray while you tuck yourself against the corner, shaking from the chilly tile pressing against your back. Your arm is pressed to your front covering your breasts, and the other is cupping your pussy, hiding your bits from his gaze. In contrast, he’s unbothered by his nakedness. His cock is soft, his arms are strong, his middle a little soft, but his beauty is undeniable. This is a man’s body, and you take it in with increasing want.

Your eyes betray you, your body betrays you, everything inside you seems to scream betrayal when he’s alone with you like this. He tilts his face up into the hot spray. He’s so fucking handsome, so virile, so hung. You kick yourself as you stare at his cock, already knowing that you’re going to give in to him, despite your mother being asleep just down the hall. 

“Come on babygirl, get under the water with me.” He reaches forward, taking your hand and pulling you towards him. You let him, heart fluttering like a bird in a cage at the feel of him pressing you close to him. The water cascades over you both, steam billowing out and his hands travel the expanse of your back. They slide over your shoulders, reaching down to cup your backside. He pulls you closer, pressing his mouth to yours and you can’t help but moan. 

He smiles, moving his kisses to your neck, your shoulders and that thing inside you wins yet again. Your hands press against his chest, they move over the muscles of his arms that you cannot help but stare at, they caress his back and up to curl through the hair at the base of his neck. 

You pull his face to yours for a deeper kiss, the kiss you’ve been craving since he left you wet and trembling in your bed. He groans when your tongue licks into his mouth and then it changes. From an almost sweet exploration, to a desperate need to consume one another. His cock hardens against your belly and your cunt aches at the feel of it. 

“Give it to me, I want it.” Someone who cannot be you begs him, clutching at his hair when he licks at your neck, his hands palming at your breasts as your back hits the tile again.

“What do you want, baby?” He lifts your thigh, wrapping it around his hip as he slots his cock at the seam of your cunt. He doesn’t press, just glides it between your legs, never notching the blunt tip of it at your entrance like you hope he will. The head of it nudges at your clit and he rocks it against you, teasing you into madness. 

You know what he wants, you want it too. As hard as he is, as desperate as you know he is to slip inside, he has all the patience in the world.

He knows this. He also knows that you are much more desperate than him. 

“I want your cock daddy, please, I need it.” You all but moan, some, pathetic, half-human thing burning with a fever, begging to be fucked like a whore. Begging him. The one person you shouldn’t beg this from. 

“Such a good girl, such a quick learner.” He finally grasps himself in hand, making sure you watch him as he angles himself and slides home in one smooth, brutal stroke. The moan you let out is a loud, filthy thing. 

“Shh, can’t have you makin’ all that noise honey,” He slips his forearm under your calf to open  you up wide, his other hand coming up to wrap around your throat. He snaps his hips hard enough to make everything bounce and you cannot imagine ever being this fucking turned on, this hot for another person. 

“Or maybe you do, maybe you want your mama to come in here, see how well her babygirl takes her daddys cock.” 

You close your eyes at that, it’s too filthy, it’s too depraved but your cunt still drools out its passion for him.

“You get so wet when I tell you how well you take it, even here I can feel her soakin’ me.” He stares at the juncture of your thighs- watches himself spearing you with his cock. Your eyes are half-glazed, admiring the way his neck strains, the definition in his arms, the way his mouth hangs open. His skin red from exertion and the heat of the water.

He’s right, something inside feeds off his praise no matter how fucking wrong it is, you need it.

“Yes daddy, I like it.” You confess, already damned anyway. 

“I know baby, I know.” He lets go of your throat and holds onto your ass before sticking his tongue down your throat. You whimper into his mouth, holding onto his neck for dear life while inching closer and closer to the orgasm building in your hips, in the base of your spine.

“Wanna feel her now, come all over me honey-“ he begs in your ear, his hips stuttering slightly and a madness overtakes you as you shove your fingers into his mouth and slip them down over your clit. He moans, pressing his palm into the hinge of your knee, somehow opening you up even more and then it’s there, in your fingers, in your limbs and in your very soul. 

“Yes, that’s it baby, yes-“ he turns his thrusts into a grinding roll, and it’s with a horrified glee that you feel him paint your insides in his come. Your eyes glued to the place you’re joined, a curious thought springs up unbidden: nothing in the world could pull you away from him at that moment, with his cock inside and his hands on your body. That realization should scare you but it doesn’t. Would your mom bursting through the door make you come to your senses? Do you really want to know the answer to that question?

“Daddy… I can feel it really deep.” You say the words in what feels like a drunken stupor and he lets out a punched out groan, pulling out to watch as he drips out of the place you now know he fucking owns.

“That’s where it belongs, honey. Nice and deep.” He lowers your leg, but pulls you close and tucks you under his chin. 

“Daddy loves you, you know that right? I’m so proud of you baby.”

You’re exhausted, but the guilt doesn’t come as quickly as the first time. It’s hard for it to make it through the comfort of the hot water, the cocoon of his arms, the steady reassuring thump of his heart under your cheek. The soft press of his lips to your forehead. 

He stays. He washes your hair, cleans his come from between your legs and the fatherly lines of him blur even more. 

It’s wrong. You know it. It’s obviously so fucking wrong. But it feels so right, it feels good, it feels safe for him to shield your eyes from the suds, for him to massage the knots out of your back, for him to kiss you soft, for his fingers to pluck at your soapy nipples. 

When you’re done and in bed, you fall asleep, and dream of a steamy bathroom and soft, chapped lips at your temple.

–

The next morning finds you well-rested. That might actually bother you more than it should, comparatively speaking. That he would be the person to fuck you well enough to give you a good nights sleep seems like some cosmically cruel joke. Memories of your mother sleeping in on Saturdays after a night out with him make you groan into your pillow. 

Any acceptance, any complicity was far and foreign in the unforgiving light of day. All of the comfort you’d felt in the tail-end of that unholy shower now angered you. It was manipulation, it was coercion, how could you do that? Let him in, in all of the different ways he’d managed to push inside you in the time since you’d been home, past your protective walls and quite literally between your fucking legs. It had to be something he’d done to make you crazy. A temporary insanity, surely, 

You let out a huff, noting but almost unseeing the dust motes dancing in shafts of light coming in through the window. The guilt was heavy and hot in your belly, and not only because of the betrayal but because you knew, deep in your soul, that you would not–could not deny him. That was a fact. 

The pillow at your side found itself pressed to your face to cover the groan of frustration at the cringy realization that you were just another woman with daddy issues.

Hours you laid there, torturing yourself with so many flavors of guilt. 

Guilt at indulging, guilt at craving, guilt at knowing that you’d most likely doing it again, guilt at tentatively imagining other places you wanted him to fuck you. Guilt at the look of devotion on your mother’s face when he smiled at her. Guilt at the dark, cruel little thing that rejoiced at him wanting you so bad. 

They were both sitting at the kitchen table when you finally came downstairs. Your stomach dropped at the sight of him sitting there, in his usual place with the paper in his hands. His face gave nothing away when he looked up at you, a talent he shouldn’t have. 

“Good morning, sleep okay?” Your mom smiled, moving to the sink.

“Yeah, slept great.” You smile back and you almost feel Joel’s chest puff out. You ignore him. 

“That’s good, why don’t you come do groceries with me? I’m going to do a big trip so you guys aren’t starving while I’m gone next week.” 

She misses your frown as she empties the dishwasher. Something big wraps itself around you, something foreboding, something inescapable. His paper flicks almost imperceptibly in the corner of your eye and still, you ignore it. 

“What do you mean?” You question her, but it’s almost prophetic, because you already know.

“I thought I’d told you, I have a work trip. A conference, because of the promotion. I’m leaving on Monday morning, and I’ll be gone until Thursday. I wanted to leave the fridge full so the two of you don’t have to worry. Want to come?” 

She’s still focused on putting away the dishes when you finally meet his eye. Your stomach rolls at the wink he flashes you. You can feel his thoughts like a sunburn, skin tight with the burn of it, at the promise of all of the things you already know he’ll make you do. 

The things you know, deep down, you’ll beg him for. 

Fuck.

[takiki16]

I see your "handcuffed together episode wouldn't work bc Neal would pick the locks" and I raise you "Neal refuses to pick the locks for petty reasons, aka Peter made him swear an oath to "not act like a criminal for 24 hours" and Neal is miffed at him about it"

YES. YES. THIS.

The episode opens with Peter and Neal walking to work, arguing about [Trust Issue] and [Crimes]. Peter says that it’s an indication of Neal’s lack of control, and that Neal can’t go 24 hours without Doing Crime. Neal roundly denies any alleged criminal behavior, but takes offense at the implication that crime is a Lower Impulse that drags him down rather than a Game of Skill. The argument goes on in typical fashion until finally, Peter and Neal make a bet. If Neal can go for 24 hours without doing Criminal Acts, Peter will…I DON’T KNOW! Go to a fancy art event with him? Let him see one of his old case files? Never bring deviled ham to a sedan stakeout again?

They then go undercover together to meet some kind of fence of Rare Items and Unusual Weapons - a lower level player, but a necessary step to that episode’s big bad. The fence has a Weird Storefront! They make a break for it through the back! There is a comical fight inside a very small closet full of Fun Kinky Novelty Items that somehow drags all three of them into it, and the fence gets away but Neal and Peter end up handcuffed together!

Peter demands that Neal pick the lock, after a solid hour of searching through the wreckage of Fun Kinky Novelty Items for the key - which of COURSE couldn’t just be a standard issue cuff set! This stopped being fun nyfor Neal after the first fifteen minutes of being yanked around through Fun Kinky Novelty Items, and he says with complete Righteous Indignation that he swore not to do crime! For 24 hours! Wasn’t Peter’s whole ISSUE that Neal is too immature and criminal to control his Crime Impulses?! This results in a solid hour of comedic arguing, after which one of them has the horrifying realization that they need to go to the bathroom.

After a truly awkward interval and a gentleman’s agreement never to speak of what just occurred again, Peter now has to decide what to do since lockpicking is off the table. The office is just a recipe for disaster, and Neal would get to see everything he did at his desk. Peter decides to go with the lesser of all evils and go home. El will laugh, but at least it would be more comfortable to wait out the 24 hours there.

El laughs until she cries. Somehow, so does Satchmo. Neal decides that the situation is funny again. Peter does not.

After an hour or two, the three of them have exhausted every possible talking avenue of (1) the handcuff situation and (2) the case without taking more concrete action. Peter is unwilling to do more than call agents over the phone, which only goes so far, and he flatly refuses to access an FBI laptop or a personal computer when Neal is right there collecting passwords. Peter tries to get El to be his proxy, at least as far as the personal computer, but by now Neal has told her about the wager and El says it wouldn’t be fair to give Peter a leg up. Peter is indignant, and tries to apply spousal privilege. This results in more comedic arguing.

By early afternoon, everyone except El (who could at any time leave but has called in sick for the express purpose of enjoying the situation) is stir crazy. Peter tries to break out of the handcuffs himself - first with tools (all loaned to Chad next door) and then by just pulling (which El and Neal both veto with prejudice). After the hammer Peter keeps in the junk drawer fails to have any effect (Neal dramatically flinches and whines about never playing the violin again), Peter gets desperate enough to try and pick the lock HIMSELF. For the joy of seeing this great thing, El and Neal agree that she can access their personal computer for YouTube tutorials, if any exist for these specific weird handcuffs. Neal has MANY, many comments about Peter Giving In to CRIMINAL IMPULSES, but after a vein starts twitching in Peter’s forehead El rules that Neal has to limit his heckling if she’s going to continue providing YouTube tutorials. Fun comedic interlude once again, as Peter tries and fails to pick the handcuffs.

It is now early evening, and dinner time. Thankfully Neal is ambidextrous, so eating isn’t an issue, but the questions of Shower and Bed are now looming in everyone’s mind. There is less comedy now, bc it’s been a long day and also because Neal genuinely respects Peter and Elizabeth’s marriage. Coming into their bed when he isn’t wanted touches on a lot of tender issues for him. Peter wearily says he and Neal will take the guest room, but rounds off with a snarky comment about how Mister Criminal over here isn’t willing to get over himself. Neal snaps - does Peter understand what ACTUALLY bothered Neal so much about the first argument, the reason behind the bet? Or has the whole day been lost on him? There follows a conversation in which El insists that everyone listen to each other, Peter does some introspecting on condescending comments to Neal, and Neal acknowledges that he can be impulsive and Take The Bit too far. Satisfactory emotional arc work is done, and Neal agrees to pick the cuffs.

It’s dark now, and the light in the Burke’s home at night is always warm. Neal is picking the lock, brow furrowed in concentration, and Peter asks him what about the bet. Isn’t Neal giving up his great favor? Freedom from deviled ham? A trip to the museum, outside his radius? Access to a fond memory?

Neal looks at Peter, and looks at El, sitting beside them in the warm light, and he says he will call the bet off if he gets a kiss right now.

From which one of us, says Peter, barely breathing.

Either one. Both. Just once. It doesn’t have to mean anything. Except it does. It does, it does, it does.

Neal gets one kiss from each of them, on the lips. First kisses, tender and slow and sweet, and when it’s done they all three sit together in the warm night, looking at each other as the beginning of a new thing thrums between them.

The lock clicks open loudly, and the moment is broken but the new thing is not. Peter inhales sharply and leans backwards, Neal stays frozen in place with the skill of long practice, but Elizabeth doesn’t flinch. What breaks the moment is Peter clearing his throat and asking in a shaking voice what was the sound that lock just made. Neal takes a quick breath and says oh, it’s a sound that such and such type locks make, they’re really unusual actually, only a certain kind of company from Such and Such makes them. This makes the episode plot penny drop in Peter’s head, because of course company from Such and Such has an obscure tie to So and So, which is the key to finding their lost fence and bringing down the villain of the week.

When it’s all over, Neal turns up at the Burkes’ house again, a hesitant look on his face. In his hands are the handcuffs, still open. And of course, they invite him in.

[bkglovergirl]

hi! could i request a hawks x male/depressed reader? reader struggles to eat/get out of bed, mostly non verbal + struggles with executive dysfunction:) been having a rough time lately being stuck in a depressive episode and keigo really keeps me going LMAO

pls don’t feel pressured to write this if you don’t feel comfortable/able! <3

I hope you feel better! And of course, I’ll do it! I get it completely lol

╭₊˚๑Keigo Takami(Hawks) X Depressive reader﹕☁️₊˚

TW: eating struggles, Depressive habits 

Anyone feeling like this just know it gets better and I hope this helps!

Word Count; 1.1k words

 ִֶָ 𓂃⊹

For the past two weeks, maybe more—honestly, who is counting—you have been lying in bed. You've barely gotten up to go to the bathroom and eat. It’s not like you are sleeping. No, you are quite literally just lying in bed doing nothing. The energy it takes to grab your phone or even charge it is a lot, and the last time you checked, it was five percent. You know what caused this yet being in bed is causing more stress but you just can’t get up. Work, training, and studying. You are so behind on both yet you refuse to sit up and at least open a book. 

“Baby?” You don’t know when this man went here, but he’s kneeling down in front of you. You glance at him, and he looks worried. God, you hate when he’s worried, especially when it involves you. “It’s been four weeks, You gotta get up.” So he’s keeping count, great. You use the energy you have to turn and face away from him but he quickly stops you. “Come on, talk to me at least what’s going on?” You just stare at him. He sighs and walks out of the bedroom. You bring the blankets over your head and let out a little sigh. He just walked out, he’s so over this and over you, you think. You don’t know how long you were under the blanket for overthinking but the heat is getting to much so you kick the blanket off you and you smell… food? It smells good but also nauseating, Your stomach growls and you realize you havent ate in a while. Keigo waddles back into the room, holding a try with pasta and water, he walks to the side of the bed you arent rotting on and slowly places the try on his lap. “Come on baby, sit up and eat.” You slowly sit up and rest your back on the headboard. He grabs the bowel and hands it to you, You take it and stare at it. “What’s wrong? Isnt this your comfort food?” You nod but still just stare at it. “You gotta speak to me baby, I can only know so much… are you nauseous?” You nod. “It’s because you havent ate, take a bite a promise youll feel better.” Keigo debates in his head a bit before grabbing the fork and bringing it up to your mouth. You take a bite and slowly chew, you let out a satisfied sigh and grab the fork from him and start eating. “Slow down!” he laughs.

 𓂃⊹

After you ate Keigo had walked out to go clean up and wash the dishes, he had left the cup of water you without knowing avoided. You were just staring at it. Slowly but surly you grab it and start drinking it, the coldness felt nice and you ended up chugging it until there was only ice left. Keigo walked back in and quickly noticed the glass empty, he smiled looking at you and you smile back. He goes to the side of the bed you are on and picks you up, surprised you gasp and wrap your arms around his neck. “It’s alright baby.” 

He brings you into the bathroom and the smell of the room hits you admittedly. Keigo had lit a Vanillia candle and it rest right near the sink. Next you notice the bath he set up, filled with bubbles and your hair products, face products and soup all set up. Keigo sets you down slowly and you look at him, “Hands up.” you listen and he takes off your shirt. You blush and cover yourself quickly. “It’s okay baby, youre beautiful.” slowly you put your arms down. “Do you want help with your shorts?” You shake your head ‘no’ and take them off yourself. “Alright baby hop in.” He takes off his shirt and you get into the tub, sitting down. Keigo runs out of the bathroom quickly and runs back in holding a cup? “Almost forgot!” You smile.

Keigo kneels down besides the tub and fills the cup full of water, “alright tilt your head back and close your eyes.” You listen and he wets your hair. When he thinks he got it wet enough, he grabs your shampoo and massages it into your hair. “Don’t fall asleep on me.” You giggle as he washes the shampoo out of your hair. He repeates and does the same thing with the conditioner, you fight back the sleep. “All done, now turns and face me.” you listen and he grabs your face cleanser, you watch as he puts some in his hands and rubs it on our face slowly, “what is I give you a soap mustache?” You shake your head no and he laughs, he wets a face cloth and gets all the soap off your face. With the same facecloth he rinceses it and puts your body soup on it, he slowly washes your body and you can’t help but avoid looking at him. “Oh don’t do that.” he whines and you look at him. Smiling he gives you a quick kiss.

 𓂃⊹

You stand there shivering in a towel as Keigo runs back into the bathroom with a fresh new pair of clothes for you. “Do you want me to do it?” You shake your head ‘no’ and get yourself dressed, Keigo takes this as a win. He knows you have the energy and strength to walk back into the bed but he picks you up and beings you into the bedroom and softly puts you on the bed. He goes and grabs your brush and sits behind you, he carefully brushes your hair making sure not to hurt you. 

“M’sorry…”

“Shh don’t apologize baby.” he kisses the top of your head. “I know everything is a lot right now, and I should have stepped away from work sooner and helped you.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not, I thought you just needed time but I ignored you for to long. Just know i’m here baby and I’ll aways be here.” He puts down your hair brush and pulls you onto him, he combs his fingers through your hair. 

“You don’t hate me right..?”

“Of course not baby! Don’t make me laugh! Stuff get’s stressful I understand. I Love you and this won’t change that.”

“I love you so much.” You turn and hug him tightly.

[asirensrequiem]

Why are Anthony and husk living with alastor and why hasn’t he killed em yet?

I’m sensing he has a soft spot for nifty, Anthony and husk

Anthony and Husk live next door in their apartment complex! Husk in this universe has simply seen too much and Alastor is aware of this. Husk, knowing that Al is a threat, obeys his requests without question and isn't afraid of getting his hands a bit dirty.

Niffty lives on the bottom floor of the building and works as a maid/room service. I imagine she found traces of Alastors nightly activities while cleaning his apartment and spoke up about it. Alastor attempted to threaten her, but she seemed unfazed and almost excited. So in turn she offered her services to assist him for... whatever Niffty's reasons are haha!

I definitely feel that over the years, Alastor has grown quite fond of the both of them and would definitely be torn if something were to happen to them.

I haven't had much of an opportunity to show the layout of the buildings, rooms, and the town in general, nor do I think I will since I want to focus more on that sweet sweet romance and lore, but I may post a map or layout picture at some point for different locations in between chapters~

I'll provide a brief description of some of the places we've visited thus far: Alastor lives on the top floor of an apartment complex. The unit itself consists of 3 rooms (4 if you count a bathroom). The first room is the combined kitchen and living room directly when you walk in the door as shown in "Meet".

Pretty everything in the unit is connected to this room. I have never been too great at backgrounds but hopefully this comic will slowly change that lol.

The next room would be the bedroom. This room is located in the attic. The ladder that Lucifer fell down can be folded up and closed like an attic. The way the ladder goes into the kitchen is similar to how it is in Miraculous Ladybug if any of y'all get me--

The roof of the bedroom is slightly slanted and there is a window above a desk that was positioned out of frame from the already shown shot of this room. There is a queen-sized bed, a bedside table, and a closet in the corner, also out of show from what has been shown thus far.

The rest of the apartment has not shown up yet, but it will be where a lot of scenes take place so that will be shown more and more throughout the chapters~ The remaining rooms are the obligatory bathroom and Alastor's radio studio. I will not share too much about said studio since it will be making an appearance next chapter ;) I WILL however share that there is a step-out balcony attached to the apartment as well.

More information about Husk and Anthony will pop up here and there and I do want to do a few Huskerdust mini-episodes ;) The town layout will be a project and a half if I am to solidify it, but I am more concerned about the fluff, angst, and ROMANCE!! I think the most solidified part of the town layout is that it is slightly elevated above the ocean shore with rock walls around the beach so you take stairs to get on and off of the beach. This gives me a bit more freedom in some plot points is all :))

ANYWAY thank you for the questions, I kinda went on a rant, but hopefully, this answers some unspoken questions as well. It's hard to convey EVERYTHING I want to in each panel and chapter so I am always open to clarification post releases! This is the kind of stuff that keeps motivating me and I frikkin love you guys for that! TvT

<3<3<3

[bee-a-lover]

let’s talk about the shadow and bone s2 ✨controversy✨

here’s my two cents. obviously, beware spoilers ahead.

specifically, this is going to be about how they handled the crows. and as a little disclaimer, you obviously don’t have to agree with me.

what i’ve seen people most upset about is how they took events from crooked kingdom (kaz’s revenge on pekka), or created scenes that somewhat resembled those events (kanej bandage scene, etc) and squashed them into the first four episodes of s2 with no build up. and i can agree that when you view it like that, it’s upsetting and underwhelming.

here’s the thing- i don’t view it like that.

the way i see it, the crows content we got in the first half of season 2 were teasers for what’s to come in their spin-off. a preview for the character development they’re about to go through in their spin-off, and laying groundwork for what’s ahead.

for example, the kanej bandage scene we got in the show was not the bathroom scene from the books. their conversation was not the same and didn’t hold nearly the same weight because it was a conversation from early in six of crows before they had relationship development. what differed was the setting and the actions, but even so, kaz attempting to clean inej’s wounds with his gloves on and telling her simply that pekka rollins killed his brother, having the “tells” convo, WAS NOT kaz opening up about his trauma while pushing himself to clean inej’s wounds without gloves and having that intense intimate moment with her. i keep seeing people say that that WAS the bathroom scene, to which i strongly disagree. what i think will happen is that in the future of the show, we will get the bathroom scene, and we’ll have that on-screen full-circle moment to when kaz was cleaning her wounds in s2 and could barely do so.

and i think that goes for all of the ck-resembling content we got from s2. save for the alby confrontation, which was directly from the books. we did get a version of the slat fight— and based on what i’ve seen with the writer’s talking about the spin-off, we’ll get something equal in emotional weight when the time is right for it. perhaps something with even higher stakes than in the books. because let’s face it, pekka rollins is probably going to be back to haunt kaz. he’s already teaming up with matthias. that guy’s gonna be back, and that’s going to mean something. the new content that will generate is almost like getting six of crows 3 and mixing it into the plot of soc and ck.

and i’m excited for that. i’m excited for the new relationship dynamics we have to work with. inej is getting a taste of her dream going with sturmhond, but we know that isn’t the end for her. she hasn’t had her arc yet where she realizes that she needs to hunt slavers for herself. when she comes back for the six of crows story, it’ll be interesting to see how the realization that something is still missing in her journey to reclaim her life will affect her.

and then there’s kaz, who’s going to be dealing with the realization that revenge is not the end, and like was lightly touched upon in the latter half of the show, he needs to figure out what’s next for him.

and sure, jesper’s getting more comfortable with being a durast where the show leaves him, but what happens when he realizes that his gambling debts have doomed his father? what happens when colm comes back into the picture? those questions from the books are still left unanswered in the show.

wylan in particular i think was done so brilliantly in the show. people were mad that they dropped that he couldn’t read early, but i think it’s genius, because it just leads casual viewers who haven’t read the books away from his other secret even more. people like my mom who haven’t read the books but seen the show just assume that he’s illiterate because he was never taught to read, because he’s presented as just some penniless guy in ketterdam with no money for food. when his true story is revealed, it’ll come as even more of a shock, and put the casual viewer in the same boat as the characters— we thought we knew this guy, but turns out we don’t know him at all. and with wylan and jesper already being in a relationship? something tells me jesper isn’t going to take that well— hence the “merchling” teasing will ensue, and the tension. if anything, their established relationship just ups the stakes. jesper thinking his friend and crush is on the ferolind when it blows up in the books is one thing, but jesper thinking his BOYFRIEND is on the ferolind when it blows up in the show? jesus christ, we aren’t ready for kit young.

what i’m trying to say is, it might help your enjoyment of the show to not view the crows scenes as THE scenes from the books, because with all my heart i don’t think that’s what they are. i’m not saying these “teaser” scenes were necessary, but that goes back to the crows’ inclusion in the shadow and bone plot being forced and unnecessary. which is unfortunate, because the crows deserve to get to the good stuff in their story, but at the moment they’re in a holding position because they just don’t have enough time sharing the screen with s&b to do their story justice. which is WHY GETTING THE SPIN-OFF IS SO IMPORTANT. if you want the storylines we love the crows for, if you want the REAL crooked kingdom scenes with their buildup and emotional impact, we gotta help the crows get their own show. even if that means watching them be filler in the s&b show. which is still completely possible to find enjoyment in, at least from my perspective— you just gotta view it less critically and more like foreshadowing for what’s to come, getting to see these characters build relationships early so that they might in fact be stronger when we get to their story in the show.

and when you view it like that it can be exciting! what’s worse than pekka that the crows will have to deal with? what confrontation will inej wiitness kaz have that affects her view of him like witnessing the alby confrontation in the books did, since she missed it in the show? how will seeing the alby confrontation affect jesper and nina’s perception of kaz (we can still get “who the hell is jordie” guys, jesper doesn’t know kaz’s brother’s name). the s&b show expanding on the crows content, even if the storylines are messy and rushed and unnecessary, is also building their relationships and characters. so when we do get the proper soc storyline, we’re ready for them in a different way than when we started the books.

[soraviie]

subject: write to me.oneshot

━ type: Jungkook x gn! reader              ━ masterlist ━ word count: 6k

━ summary: Jungkook is certain of it — you have disabled your work email and as such what's the harm in finally spilling everything that he's ever felt for you? You certainly won't read them...right?

━  connected to: "you think it's unrequited"

━ genre: pining!!! extreme pining!! angst, barely any fluff

━  c/w: Jungkook goes through a depressive episode 

━ leave a comment otherwise I’ll feed you mouldy cheese, don't test me. If you like my work and want to tip, here's my ko-fi. Thank you so much if you do!

Seoul in particular is the kind of city that never sleeps. Jungkook is once again made aware of it when he arrives late at night, kicks open the doors to his apartment and goes to lay down on the bed. Traffic, endless traffic and long strings of people trembling the air with an incessant series of enraged horns. Half-heartedly he greets Bam, plucking the squeaking toy out of the dog's mouth and flinging it to the far side of the room.

Fuck, he thinks, these are outside clothes; I should probably change.

He doesn’t.

Eagerly, Bam noses at his owner's arm, trying to get the man to play with him but at most Jungkook lazily pats his head. Lately, the only sound in his home had been the scratch of Doberman's nails against the glossy tiles. As he gets up Jungkook finds his head slightly spinning.

Eat, you should eat, he reminds himself. He has to do it himself now.

You didn't care for him and left, and he had to do this stupid thing all by himself. Immediately he shakes his head, chasing the resentment away. It wasn't your fault, none of it was your fault. And maybe it wasn't even his. It was just...not meant to be.

For the first time in weeks he actually manages to put forth some effort. Brushing back the hair from his face, the headphones squeeze tightly on his ears, preventing any sort of noise of traffic or ambulatory sirens. He cringes when seeing the biochemical weapon that is a half-finished bowl of ramen sitting next to the sink. There's even an egg there. Some days had gone by good but lately….it all grew to be very bad.

"When did I...? When did I even have this?" he mutters to himself but Jungkook lives alone. There's no one to answer.

The trash that veers dangerously over the side of the bin has to be split into two separate trips. The plastic bag is thin and it rips easily from the strength that Jungkook has to grab it with. Hence, two trips.

The floor needs cleaning, he does so. Laundry...he takes a disgust ridden glance at the array of dirty socks and underwear littered all over the bathroom floor that cannot even be seen from the sheer scale of used clothes piling on top of it. Yeah, laundry definitely needs doing.

As the washing machine goes off in the distance, with no small amount of guilt Jungkook looks at Bam. The dog's eyes are wide and glistening, holding no grudge towards his depressed owner. His tail wags expectantly the longer Jungkook keeps staring.

"Who's a good boy?" his voice though betrays him and cracks, failing to at least simulate the same joy Bam exudes. Jungkook reaches for the snacks — the empty paper crumbles between his fingers. He should go out and buy them. Thank god for Young-mi; had she not volunteered, Bam would have probably not been going out for his much needed walks. He should go out...not just for Bam. The dog has probably seen more sun than Jungkook has, but the mere thought of leaving his house kills a small part within him. It takes all of his strength to even make this empty home of his a somewhat habitable environment.

When he's done, hours into cleaning, there's almost a sense of accomplishment washing over him but before the pleasant feeling can fully settle into Jungkook's bones, finally turning his life back into somewhat normal form, the realization hits him. You won't know that he deep cleaned his apartment, you won't know that he cut his finger washing the knife and neither will you point out the choice of his band-aid (green sharks) with that distantly curious gleam in the eye because Jungkook himself won't be able to tell you any of this. Because you won't be here. Sometimes it hits him too hard and he cannot find his way back to the surface anymore.

Bam comes up to his leg, poking his wet nose into Jungkook's knee. Numbly he turns to look down.

"Sorry, boy, no walks tonight."

Bam's head droops lower and it isn't long before he waddles sadly away, settling in the corner to disinterestedly chew on his favourite toy. Whatever scraps of seaweed and rice Jungkook can scrounge up from the deserted fridge, he eats quickly and with little interest. The bed and his subsequent need to rot in it is begging for his attention but the glint of his laptop — open and left behind on the coffee table — catches his attention at the very last second.

He won't be able to tell you...in person that is. It's been a week since he last wrote to you. He misses you.

Grabbing the laptop, he digs himself underneath the covers, waiting for the email to load.

How many messages has he written to you? 100? 200? By now he's stopped counting. What's the point?

Clicking on a new message, he gathers himself. Despite knowing that you've certainly deactivated your email by now, knowing that you won't ever read this he still feels some semblance of anxiety ripple through his body. Gasping in a deep breath, he relaxes himself, finding strength in the newfound mantra.

They don't care about you. They won't read any of this. It's like talking to yourself.

Hey, no one said mantras had to be happy, right?

to: 17780_specialhelp@navercorp.com

subject: btw I did a deep clean :D

Hi!

It's been a week since I last wrote to you. Can't say it's been fun. How are you? Are you fine? Are you still liking life back home? You used to complain that you couldn't get the proper ingredients here in Korea...

"Still" liking the life back home...Jungkook scoffs at the choice of his own words, aggressively bringing his finger of wrath upon the backspace button. "Still"...as if you had liked it here. As if you had liked him! He shakes his head once more. For all the supposed numbness that he felt instead of pain, there was a surprising amount of bitterness breaking ever so often through the flimsy pretense he had constructed ever since you left.

“You need any help?” 

He didn’t even particularly want to help you. It was 2:30 in the morning and only now he could go home. He was drenched in sweat and undoubtedly stinky, the strands of hair clung disquietingly to the back of his neck and he just wanted to go home. But you looked so damn…confused. Frankly, if he wouldn’t help you it most likely would be a violation of the civil law. 

Your tired eyes travelled from the dimly lit phone in your hand to his face and as you scrutinised him from head to toe, he unwittingly shivered. 

There’s no such thing as ghosts, Jungkook told himself, ghosts don’t use phones. 

The blankness of your stare disturbed him and after hearing a quiet, barely audible “no” fall out your lips, he bolted, jumping into an elevator without a single glance backwards.

So much for a meet-cute. 

He blinks out of the frayed memory, taking in the newly reviewed mail

to: 17780_specialhelp@navercorp.com

subject: btw I did a deep clean (of my house) :D

It's been a week since I last wrote to you. Can't say it's been fun. I hope you like being back home. 

I like you.

He reads it with a heavy sigh but proceeds to send it anyway tossing then his computer aside with an easy flick of the wrist. Not like you’ll ever read it. 

to: 17780_specialhelp@navercorp.com 

subject: where did you go? :0

Hello, _____________. This is Jungkook. Jeon Jungkook. Of BTS… but I’m sure you probably know that.

I got this email address from one of my managers, well, I may have bullied them a little bit (ヾ;￣▽￣)ヾ but it was for a good cause! 

Anyways I was wondering about next week’s show. You promised me to help with the speech, you know my English is not good╥﹏╥ but I’ve been trying to find you for the whole week and it’s like you disappeared! Even my managers were all incredibly tight lipped about it. Just let me know if you’re still up to helping me. If not, it’s fine. 

I hope you’re not sick, health is important you know!

Whichever it is — whether you’re sick, out of Seoul or just don’t want to see me, please, write to me so I’d know (⌒_⌒;)

Sincerely,

Jeon Jungkook.

to: 17780_specialhelp@navercorp.com

subject: are you okay?

So uhh…the show is over and I haven’t seen or heard from you. The speech didn’t go so well since I was so worried about you my head was fuzzy but it’s whatever. Life goes on hahaha. I am starting to get a bit worried haha don’t scare me haha. I asked even other members about you but no one knows. The staff is telling me you didn’t have a desk to begin with so it’s not like I could just wait for you there…not that I would do that. I wouldn't….haha. Well, you were our jack—of—all—trades little helper, right? You always helped me with my jewelry and mic, and papers so it makes sense, doesn’t it? That you didn’t have a desk? Idk idk I’m suddenly shy (,,>﹏<,,)

Maybe you’re on vacation? I just thought of that lol it’s probably that. Sorry for bothering you, I hope you rest well! You deserve it, our little fairy! 

Still if you could be so kind as to answer this message when you receive it, I’d be forever in your debt if you would! 

Sincerely, 

Jeon Jungkook. 

to: 17780_specialhelp@navercorp.com

subject: 

You’re not on vacation. It’s been a month. HR hasn’t approved of you going away and you’re not on a sick leave. 

Yes! Yes! I went to them! You’re not answering and I’m worried, and angry!

I thought we were friends! If you’re going through something then, please, let me know! How can I help? What can I do so you come back to us?

Sincerely, 

a very pissed Jeon Jungkook.

to: 17780_specialhelp@navercorp.com

subject: you left

The truth is out. I already said it in the subject but I’ll repeat it again, maybe to make it real. Maybe so that I would believe it. 

You left. Wrote a resignation, packed up your shit and left. Just fucked off without saying why, without saying goodbye. 

That’s what hurts the most. I wasn’t even worth enough to say goodbye to.

I really hate you.

to: 17780_specialhelp@navercorp.com

subject: i don’t know, something

….hi.

It’s been a month. 

How have you been?

I’m…not too good. I’m still here but…eh, I don’t know. The members say I’m sulking and I am in a way but more than anything I’m missing you. I’m missing the chances I had but didn’t take.

You know it took me a while to even like you. I thought you were so cold, in fact, I thought you despised me, hehe, well, maybe you do but I won’t know now, will I? I can’t exactly ask you, can I? Not to you who would answer as I’m fairly certain this email has been deactivated.

It’s the possibilities that hurt the most, you know. I don’t really know you, do I? I’ve never been at your home, never met your family, friends. I don’t know what type of water you like and I don’t know how soft your blanket is. Whether you use mouthwash or whether you shower in the morning or night. I don’t know these things but…I could have. Why didn’t I just ask? Why didn’t you for that matter? Was I…not the one for you? 

Did you think the same as I did?

I remember when that first thought of you crossed my mind, of us being something…different.  It was in the middle of a concert, remember? After the one we had in Seoul. You were maybe 6 months in, still awkward around everyone. You didn’t speak much I remember that. In those days whenever I asked anyone about you, they would say “real quiet but reliable”. I was sitting on the sofa, trying to catch my breath. It was Jimin’s solo so I could have some few seconds of peace and you were there, right in the centre of the pandemonium, absolutely calm. I remember how I wondered: "How can they be so collected? Do they not care?” but you did care. You were working on Namjoon’s jacket, weren’t you? Wardrobe malfunction. You weren’t even supposed to. Little helper is one thing but you’re not a stylist. Still you stepped in and calmly, diligently you made it whole again.

You probably don't know but you did the same thing to me. Only, of course, you undid me as well.

The decorations on top of that stupid jacket broke, just after we were finished but you didn’t mind. Namjoon showed it to you and you laughed. That was the first time I ever saw you happy. You said that it has fulfilled its duty and there’s no reason to worry anymore — it was all fine. 

You never knew it but as I watched you from the sidelines I thought what if I would join you, offer a joke, make your smile last longer. I really wanted to but…

…but I didn’t. I wasn’t blind — you found it hard to fit and I didn’t want to intrude. You didn’t seem to enjoy my presence and if some people would see me with you, they’d give you a hard time and I didn’t want to burden you. You were just blooming open, my touch no matter how well-intended would just damage your petals so I didn’t. I packed up my things and I walked past you without saying anything. 

What if I had? Would you have stayed then? Or would you have left all the same? Neither of us know the answer. 

I don’t hate you, I’m sorry for writing so in the last letter. I didn’t mean it. I would never mean it. All I can hope for now is that you’re happy wherever you are.

Sincerely apologetic, 

Jeon Jungkook. 

to: 17780_specialhelp@navercorp.com

subject: april again

Hello! 

It’s April and you know what that means, I get saddled with a new tutor yey (⋟﹏⋞) It’s strictly formal now and honestly kind of boring. I know you weren’t really my tutor back in the day, just helping me on the side hehe but I still appreciate you. It was also April then, April 28th, that we finally spoke like two human beings. Your voice was so tired but you seemed curious—

Jungkook lifted his head from the laptop of his home, suddenly feeling the betraying sting bite at the bottom of his eyes. 

“Don’t cry!” he scolded himself. “What’s the use of crying now that everything's done?”

Sensing his owner’s distress, Bam cautiously approached the crouched man and pressed his nose into Jungkook’s shin. He stared down at the dog, surprise in his expression hinting at the fact that for a second he’d forgotten Bam existed. For a second he was back with you. 

April 28th

“What are you doing?” the voice sounding near him was quiet. Somewhat curious but even more so perturbed. Jungkook detached himself from the table he’d slouched upon in the throes of his utter defeat. 

Seeing you though, the sleepy disquiet within him frayed and he swallowed nervously, trying his hardest to appear at complete ease. 

“Regretting life choices,” he groaned conversationally. “You?” 

“Just getting a soda,” you tossed your head towards the vending machine. It had an indent at the side. Rumour had it that one night Jin kicked it because he didn’t have enough money on him to buy a candy bar. It was, of course, just a rumour and Junkook knew it because he was the one who kicked the machine. 

He did sort of feel bad about it but he had been hungry. 

“Nothing nearly as dramatic.”

An awkward quiet settled between them. What are you thinking, Jungkook thought. He noticed the way your eyes lingered on him, a touch too long to be absolutely casual, and then quickly averted away as your lips pursed into a straight line, almost like you were reprimanding yourself. 

Maybe because you were prohibited from talking to him? It wouldn’t be the first time such an order took place as much as Jungkook hated it. 

“Do you need help?” your voice had been low, so deadpan he entirely missed that you’d spoken at all but when the realization hit, he had to force himself to not be too happy.

“It’d be nice if you did,” he gave a small smile, shuffling to make space for you on the couch. You stared at the newly liberated spot for a second but ultimately sat down if a bit stiffly. 

Peering into his notebook, you asked him:

“What do you have to do?” 

“Answer these questions using 10 words or less.”

You leaned your head to the side and as he took the next, shuddering breath, the scent of your shampoo filled him whole. It fit you like a glove. Immediately, he wanted more of it. 

“That’s a strange exercise,” you muttered and as Jungkook’s throat grew dry, he only shrugged in response. You’d given him details, solid answers and explanations but he still failed miserably. He hadn’t heard a thing you said over the sound of his heart rushing. 

Only the wet cold of Bam’s nose roused him from the memory. With a sad smile, he patted the dog’s head, feeling suddenly guilty to be looked at with such adoring eyes. 

“Good boy,” he whispered as Bam’s tail thwacked against the floor of his empty and quiet apartment. “Good boy, Bam.”

to: 17780_specialhelp@navercorp.com

subject: what’s next

Hello!

Have you been eating well? Have you been meeting up with friends? I remember you told me once, probably thinking I’ll forget it, that they’ve been missing you and you’ve been missing them. I didn’t forget — I remember. I hope you’ve gone out with them and that your cheeks glow the way they do when you’re really, really happy. I haven’t forgotten that either. I don’t want to. 

I…uh…I’ve stopped crying. I don’t why that’s so awkward to say, I mean you’re not even here. If anything I’m talking to myself. It’s a bit sad, isn’t it hehe. Don’t judge me, please.

Anyways I’ve stopped tearing up at random times. Now I’m just…I don’t know — numb? Unmotivated? In those few rare free days I don’t do much — just lie in my bed. I don’t have the strength to get out of it. Though some days it’s not so bad — I’m almost the way I was before. I go out, I eat ice-cream, take Bam out for good long walks — it’s almost normal but then inevitably I crash and I don’t want to move or go anywhere, or even speak with anyone. 

In fact, for the last week this is the most speaking I’ve done — writing this to you. I don’t why I keep it up but it helps. I myself don’t quite understand haha. I hope that tomorrow it’ll be a good day. My house has been a mess, my hair is kind of dirty and I think Bam is getting antsy cramped inside for extended periods of time. I have been declining my mom’s calls cause I don’t want to hear me like this. She’ll only worry and it’ll make the whole situation worse. I need to move but today I’ve sat here all day and thought of you. 

to: 17780_specialhelp@navercorp.com

subject: why?

wh do i =kep writinng to u? u;re nhot here whats the point?? whats the goodammn point> 

jimin found ou t about the leterc 

he didnt saay nuthign but the way he lookred at me…

pity

is ti a crime?????? to lvoe someone?? to want to tlak to them?? everyien else is lucjkf they cqan talk to thei r loved cnes but em?? im aloen so yesh i write yo you!! i wan t to be delusionalf i dont care fwha anyer says! youre my friend!  iw ill talk to you aven if tis patheti c even if tish thoguht lettters youll nevar read! i dont caare1

jminn thiggks im crayz

an I? 

have u maed me crazy?

to: 17780_specialhelp@navercorp.com

subject: I’m sorry

So…I got really drunk yesterday  (≡ε≡；) I can hold my liquor, don't get me wrong, but Jiminie drinks like he’s got a new liver lined up °՞(ᗒᗣᗕ)՞° But reading it over this morning (barely, my eyes are swollen) I recalled the fight that we had and that I never did apologize. I’m sorry that I took my anger out on you that one time. I should have said sorry already then. I didn’t but I was. Still am. 

May, 22nd

“You were supposed to go home hours ago.”

By now, he was well familiar with the voice and its disinterested tembre. You always sounded so…bored and for some reason today of all days Jungkook got pissed off because of it. 

You were always…looking down at him. Just like the others. You were judging him, weren’t you? Why else were you so distant? Why else did your face not change expressions as he got near you? You couldn’t stand him. You could see what he was behind the carefully curated smokescreen of what Jeon Jungkook was supposed to be. You saw him. Those weary, disturbingly observant eyes drilled right through what was supposed to be a charming, yet impenetrable wall. He didn’t truly know anyone and no one was supposed to truly know him. Yet in front of you he suddenly found himself bare.

“Why? Because you say so?” he spat from where he’d fallen on the floor. His ankle had given out and one point and when you came in he was panting from the pain. Of course, you’d see him in such a humiliating state. 

You blinked mutely at his sudden harshness. You weren’t friends, you weren’t allowed to be friends but still the relationship was amicable. For coworkers. Barely.

“You’re upset,” flatly you stated, one hand gripping the door handle far too tightly. 

“Yeah, no shit,” he grumbled. Why were you looking at him like that? Like you saw him?! Who even were you?!

“You’re upset but  that’s no reason for you to talk to me like this.”

As cold as a bucket of winter river. Your voice washed over him and Jungkook found himself not an injured wolf baring his teeth and protecting his den but a puppy, sopping wet and scrambling uselessly against the palm that had seized him by the scruff. 

“I’m a grown man.”

“Not right now.” 

You both came to standstill, glaring obstinately at each other. 

It had been the longest eye-contact Jungkook had with you. Shame it was out of anger. 

You drew an exhausted sigh as Jungkook brittled.  

“I understand you’re in pain and wanting perfection but be nicer to yourself.”

He scoffed harshly. 

“I don’t need your pity.”

Something in your gaze grew utterly frigid and all at once he was rendered deeply afraid. 

“And I’m not offering it to you.”

to: 17780_specialhelp@navercorp.com

subject: I’m sorry

So…I got really drunk yesterday  (≡ε≡；) I can hold my liquor but Jiminie drinks like he’s got a new liver lined up °՞(ᗒᗣᗕ)՞° Reading over that garbage this morning (barely, my eyes are swollen) I recalled the fight that we had and that I never did apologize. I’m sorry that I took my anger out on you that one time. I should have said sorry already then. I didn’t but I was. Still am.

For these last few days I keep thinking about what you said afterwards — when I finally mustered up the courage to grovel three days later. That I’m not someone you would pity and that I need not to apologize just change. You were so different then. You were strong. Stern. You didn’t take any of my shit and for that — thank you. I don’t know why but it made me love you more. 

Huh. I just said it. 

It’s kind of sad that you’ll never hear it.

to: 17780_specialhelp@navercorp.com

subject: catching up! :D

HELLO!

It’s been two whole weeks since I last wrote to  you. We’ve been so busy, I’ve barely had the time to sit down >⌓<｡

How are you? How is life back home? Did you meet up with those friends of yours? Did you find a new job? Did you find someone…new?

Maybe don’t tell me that last one haha

I’ve been…good. It’s a surprise really. I don’t miss you any less than I did yesterday or I will tomorrow but there’s not that horridly heavy sense in my chest today. I don’t know what happened in the moments before I wrote to you last and now. Maybe because I remembered how miserable you were here. You ate alone, no one really spoke to you. They liked you! They really did! I just guess…it’s too different here. It couldn’t have been easy to always think about what to say, how to say it and how people will perceive you. I pondered how I feel when overseas and I…I understand now why you were so closed off. You must have been protecting yourself, weren’t you? Like I was that day when my ankle was twisted. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful that you came here at all, that we met but…I don’t want you here at the cost of your happiness. I think I’ve finally come to terms with that you left. Better you’re happy somewhere else, at your home with the people and things you know rather than you’re miserable here with me. I was not much of a help to you, wasn’t I? Always so scared of my own feelings and possibilities of future failings that I never even considered the present and how lonely you must have felt. I’m sorry that I wasn’t better for you.

I hope you’re among better people now. You deserve the world. 

to: 17780_specialhelp@navercorp.com

subject: something weird happened 

So as I said in the subject, something weird happened?? Do you remember Eun-joo? She came to the studio one day and you asked me whether she was my lover. I blushed so hard then (>\\\\\\<) I don’t even know why. Just hearing you say the word “lover” aaaah it sounded so scandalous hehehe I must be crazy

Anyway, back then I said no, well, I yelled it and your face scrunched up in that adorable way it does when you’re both surprised and confused but yesterday she…uh…asked me out? On a date? 

You never knew this but uhm…I kind of had a crush on her before you came along. I never asked her out because our schedules conflicted so much we barely spoke and I’ve always liked better to ask someone out in person, you know. And then well you arrived and uh…

I think you get it. 

But now you’re gone and I said yes to Eun-joo.  

Uh…was I allowed to do that? Why am I asking you? 「(°ヘ°)

to: 17780_specialhelp@navercorp.com

subject: hah 

So….I went on a date and uhm…

I rejected her. 

Well, somewhat. By the end of the evening, she was asking me about whom I was thinking about so much and well…it is true. I spent the entire night thinking about what you would have done, what you would have said instead of her. Unwittingly I found myself yearning not for her enthusiastic compliments but for your dry ass remarks. 

We’ve decided to stay as friends. 

I don’t think I’ll be dating anytime soon.

I’d say that I’m absolutely okay with you seeing someone but you know me — I’m jealous as all hell just thinking about it (￣ε￣)

Seoul in particular is the kind of city that never sleeps. Jungkook is once again made sure of that when he tries to sleep but cannot. Bam’s snores fill up the otherwise quiet room as he tosses to and fro. This last letter, about the deep clean,  is not giving him rest. He keeps recalling that rainy day in the park, not even wishing he’d done things differently but just wishing he could still see you. That this…hope, twisting around his neck like a noose, would end. If he would bear no hope he wouldn’t still dream, would he? He would be able to rest, wouldn’t he?

God, he needs to rest. He’s given you his mind and soul and if you were his sun, you could spare him at least some clarity. He didn’t care anymore — be it cold or cruel. He needed to be let go even if he probably won’t let you go himself. 

Jumping out the bed, he makes a quick beeline to the still running laptop. Bam rattles in his cage, disturbed by the sudden movement but his eyes fall too heavily to muster up a bark. Seconds later, he’s already slumbering. While Jungkook is wide awake, fingers clattering noisily against the keyboard.

June 16th

The small bottle of milk flowed just underneath his nose as heartless rain continued to pelt the ground below. Thick smell of petrichor swirled the air around. Stunned, Jungkook lifted his head and traced the hand that held the milk for him. 

Seeing you he gave a feeble smile. 

Of course you would be here when he thought he was alone. 

“How did you find me?” he rasped, accepting the bottle though not moving to puncture the small foliage. 

With a sigh, you settled on the swing next to his — it produced a horribly dragged out screech. 

“I didn’t,” you shrugged. “I just walked by and saw you.” 

“And just so happened to have my favourite brand of milk?” he arched an eyebrow and because the rain made his eyes blurry, he thought, he deluded himself for a second that you blushed. Blushed and darted your gaze guiltily away to settle upon the crowded Seoul horizon. 

“I’ve noticed you drinking it so I bought it…to try,” you coughed and silence fell upon the world. 

The day was hot, extremely humid, even the falling rain did not help in the matter. Why did he come here, to this empty park on the far side of the city Jungkook did not know. Could it be….no, that was impossible. Nothing so childishly romantic could not take root in a cruel, unforgiving reality. 

“You’re feeling down again?” you inquired, swinging back and forth, the plastic bag swinging next to  you. He wondered what you bought, what you ate to feel good and full. 

“Yeah, just a bit,” he lied, scuffing the soles of his shoes against the ground. 

“A bit,” you repeated in a barely audible mutter. “Are you sure it’s a bit?”

“Do you think I’m lying?” 

But despite the shortness of time, Jungkook had changed. His voice held neither malice, nor challenge. In fact the irony was all but obvious in the lilt of his tone. He was lying and you knew that he was. 

“Yes,” easily, you replied, pulling a snort of amusement from the depths of his chest. “You’re mostly a terrible liar but also surprisingly good when it comes to hiding yourself.”

“And are you?” Jungkook asked, daring for the first time to take a proper look at you. It was so…difficult. For him it was like staring at the sun. It was oftentimes easier to not look lest he dreamt too much. “Are you a good liar?”

You stared at the ground, closing your eyes for a brief second of what seemed to be utter heartbreak. 

“I’m an excellent liar,” you murmured. When you opened your eyes once more, the bout of sudden vulnerability was gone. You shuck it off like dogs did water and once again Jungkook sat absolutely mesmerized at how you were able to do it. 

“But it can’t be helped,” you concluded firmly. 

“Why are you an excellent liar?” Jungkook teased you further, feeling the beat of his heart stumble and clamber. Maybe…

“I’m in love with someone but…it’s not reciprocated,” you swung back and forth, purposefully avoiding his gaze. 

The excited dash of his heart came crashing down, punching up arid bile at the back of Jungkook’s throat. In love with another, huh. 

“Why do you think it’s not reciprocated?” gently, he questioned, gripping the milk between his trembling fingers.  

“It just can’t be,” you refuted stubbornly. “I think he sees me in the same way people do…desks. Or notebooks.”

“Notebooks?” 

“Yeah, you know,” you pursed your lips and the sheer amount of grief that passed your features made Jungkook sick. Whoever this son of a bitch was that made you this said deserved a motorbike in the face.  “People can genuinely like their stuff until they’re in good use but once that use runs out,” you sucked a breath through your gritted teeth. “They replace it and forget all about them in the end. It’s that sort of like.”

“That smooth-brained son of a bitch,” he cried out angrily. “Damn, I should beat that foul smelling dickwad to the last inch of his life. How dare he treat our fairy like that?!”

Tearily you laughed and more than anything Jungkook wanted to hold your hand and lull the pain. But he couldn’t. He had no place in your life. Not really. So he held the milk instead — the bottle popping up from the pressure underneath his palm. 

Dumbly, you both looked as it leaked down onto the ground. 

“Smooth-brained,” you chuckled to yourself. “Perhaps. But he smells nice.”

Jungkook tried not to sulk at this new piece of information. Too many nice-smelling but dumb people rolled around the circles of his acquaintances  — he couldn’t track the son of a bitch down even if he tried. He had no idea how lucky he was. Jungkook’s sun was giving him warmth and he dared not to care for it. 

“What’s got you looking so dour yourself?” 

“Oh,” he swallowed nervously, his gaze rapidly growing so hazy, even when staying still, he could swear the world was trembling. “I like someone myself. They’re kind to me, strict albeit kind, however…” he sat, transfixed somberly on the ground. One glimpse at you and he’d break. One glimpse and he’d force this ocean of his feelings upon you. He’d make you feel bad — it was always awkward to hear a love confession from someone whom you did not like. So he had to be strong. Had to be strong for you, as strange as it sounded. “I’m not good enough for them.”

“That’s nonsense,” you scoffed, beginning to swing back and forth. The ends of your shoes grew wet as briefly you found yourself amidst the rain. 

“I meant me, just Jeon Jungkook, is not good enough,” he clarified with an eye roll. “I didn’t mean Jungkook the idol.”

“Neither did I."

The rain kept pouring the entire afternoon and it was one of the happiest days Jungkook had ever lived through. 

Shame you left soon after. 

to: 17780_specialhelp@navercorp.com

subject: please

Even if...even if the year we spent together meant nothing to you, that the kindness you extended towards me, that the help you sent my way unknowingly pulling me from a pit of inescapable darkness is nothing but an empty void, no more deserving of your attention than the dirt on the side of the road, I beg of you to be gracious once more. Just write to me. Just one letter is all I ask for. No matter what you have to say, should it be something as little as one singular "bye", please, write to me. I'll keep you in my thoughts, forever most likely as you've made your home in them.

Sincerely, 

Jeon Jungkook.

tagging: @pinkcherrybombs; @devilsbooksworld; @btsiguess-kpop; @belladaises; @halesandy; @seok-jinnies; @themochiverse; @cuteipat; @ratherbefangirling; @manchuria; @chimchimmarie; @smalliechelle; @koostarcandy; @flitzerj; @royallyjjk; @dreamamubarak; @anti-social-mochi267; @jung-nika-hoseok; @silverliningsandstorms;

 © soraviie, 2023

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s4 episode 21 thoughts

this episode had me entirely TRANSFIXED. at no moment did i know what was going to happen next, and i badly wanted to learn!! rejoice: a skinner episode!!! where he is driven to desperation by how much he loves his agents! i truly do not think i could have asked for more!!

(okay, scully wasn't there, which is usually my number one priority... but hear me out: the episode was still SO good despite her absence, which is a testament to some HIGH QUALITY WRITING)

so!! back to my live report from approximately 24 hours ago, when i began my journey into this rollercoaster of an ep. take it away, past juni:

after last episode, i have gone through all of the emotions known to humankind. i am interested to see where we will go next, having ventured into those uncharted waters. perhaps these waters will be more… charted.

A SKINNER EPISODE!!! he’s framed for murder AGAIN??? he can’t keep being put in these circumstances bro 😭

why would skinner cover up a death caused by bees??? that seems pretty cut and dry. bees did it. nobody’s fault. unless they’re secret FBI bees the world isn’t supposed to know about…? obviously the doctor is going to say “yup, bees did it, not humans”, right?? i mean if someone dies of bee stings i assume it’s very obvious??? and that no murder charges would be filed?? because?? bees did it??

(author's note: lmao. what a fool i was)

skinner. i am ready to learn more about you. 

we open at a place that ships packages. this woman (jane) needs a cigarette. her friend (later revealed to be named misty) is telling her to quit smoking. i’m not sure that is an effective strategy.

jane runs to the bathroom and is going to smoke in there??? not even outside??? what was going ON in the 90's!!!

but oh no! some bees emerge from the bathroom sink. MANY MANY MANY BEES. someone please call that lady on tiktok that scoops hives out with her hands while whispering into the camera “another great day of saving the beeeeeeees” (god i hope she’s doing well)

bee swarm of intense proportions is going on rn. can you buy bees at the store? is that what they did for filming this? order a bunch of bees at the bee store?? huh. 

anyway, they’re approaching jane the cigarette lady very very quickly. they’re in the stall!!! she’s smacking at them!! 

but cig lady’s friend misty is getting concerned. she goes to the bathroom to fetch her friend where she finds… an empty bathroom?? free of bees. with only a smoking cigarette on the floor and DEAD JANE COVERED IN BEE STINGS!!!!!!!

WHERE DID THE BEES GO MAN!!!

dang. those bee stings are gnarly. shoutout makeup team.

skinner is looking at jane's files. why does this interest you, skinner?? why is he deleting them?? probably because he does not consider insect related cases FBI matters

WAIT! HE WASN’T ON HIS COMPUTER…. HE WAS ON MULDER’S!!!

WHAT!!! (we need to give this reveal some space to sink in)

... he knows mulder's passwords……?

skinner. WHAT are you hiding!!! i used to hate him and then i sort of liked him and then i hated him and now i am affectionate towards him. we must not begin the cycle again!!!

well, now i’m invested. 

intro time. and i'm still laughing about that tweet of scully serving three quarters profile in her badge pic

after so many shortened intros, this one felt long!!!

skinner is… leaving his house? he has a bookend that looks like an elephant. now what does that say about him… and a what looks like a buddha in the corner. IS this his house??? buddhist skinner confirmed?

he’s taking off a “do not enter” sign and going into the bathroom where the bee incident went down, armed with just a flashlight. and he finds the cigarette, which he flushes. he’s cleaning the bathroom floor with a portable vacuum!! WHAT DOES HE KNOW!!!!!!!

i’m literally soooo invested, i’m not even joking. his ass is on his hands and knees SCRUBBING. what has brought assistant director skinner to this forbidden janitorial work!?!

this is very dark though, screen wise. had to up the brightness. 

he finds something oozing from the ceiling. and he sniffs it before wiping it away. gross. is it honey? weird neon honey?

now he’s picking the lock of the MORGUE!!!!!!! is he gonna steal jane’s body??!!!!!! bro what the HELL!!!!

someone in the coroner’s office hears a distant thud and almost finds him TAKING HER BODY!!!!!!!!! it seems he narrowly escaped!!! he hid around the corner and took jane with him…. to a very weird place. he’s climbing up a ladder. is it an incinerator? 

bro, he must be strong as hell. anyway, he takes her body and places it in a fire. 

my guess is that somehow she was contaminated with secret bee poison and he needs to make sure no one else gets sick from it????? by incinerating the body?? but that doesn’t do anything about the bees themselves??

he’s at the police station now, asking about jane. HE GIVES HIS NAME AS MULDER????? he has a fake badge and everything… omg do NOT get my boy in trouble!!

the policeman shows him a vial of blood from jane, which he replaces with a vial from his own pocket, and wipes the pen he took. ohhhh what is going on!!!!!!

so now he’s going back to his car with the blood. but someone runs out to see him!!! calling “agent mulder”!

it’s the detective who emailed the pictures to the REAL mulder!!! he somehow knows that mulder is part of the x files (which i feel shouldn't be information random people should know) but skinner is trying to say that nothing here warrants his involvement. 

he is deeply suspicious. but someone is watching him!!!!!!!! who is this mystery fellow watching this go down????

skinner is get undressed at 3:55 AM. and it IS his house with the elephant and the buddha!!!

SKINNER FOLLOWS THE FOUR NOBLE TRUTHS AND THE EIGHTFOLD PATH, LET'S GOOOO 🔥🔥🔥

(that is a more interesting interpretation than him keeping a buddha around as decor, but hey, pick your headcanon as you please)

and who shows up but REAL MULDER!!!! AT 4 AM??? BRO WHAT IS HE DOING?? he should be on his couch!!!! sleeping!!

he has been trying to reach skinner…. OHHHH HE CLOCKED RIGHT AWAY THAT THERE IS A COVERUP!!!

and the detective was SHOT AND KILLED!!!! 

(my friend called me at this point to tell me that liam payne died. this has absolutely no relevance on the episode, but it did lead to me pausing for a half hour to share this news with others. and it would feel inappropriate to not include it in the write up)

mulder knows someone forged his name at the lab and he just wants skinner’s help!!

NO!!! SCULLY IS IN THE HOSPITAL SO SHE CAN’T HELP…. HER DOCTOR SAYS HER TUMOR MIGHT BE METASTASIZING… NO NO NO not my poor sweet scully...

no scully this episode…. this is sad :(

skinner is doubly gagged…… maybe even triply gagged between the revelation of the detective being killed, mulder being onto him, and scully being in the hospital. he is flabbergasted, one might even say. 

he’s going somewhere in very tight pants. someone tries to hit him with a car?!?

IT’S CSM!!!! and the guy from before who was watching the exchange with the detective go down!!!!!! 

ohhhh skinner has GRABBED him by the collar and is yelling that he MURDERED him!!! but CSM says to keep his voice down

“i wouldn’t get too comfortable on your moral high ground, mr. skinner. this only happened because you left your job unfinished” <- hey WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??

(i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again… CSM’s voice is so soothing. tell me a story, scary man)

skinner says that he has followed CSM’s instructions…. and when skinner points out that the detective didn’t have to die, he says that he is “in no position to question the terms of our arrangement”

is this the deal he negotiated with to try and save scully???? and is it even working if she’s in the hospital right now??

he tries to say they have no arrangement and walk away, but CSM basically says well, i’ll have my bestie here kill you. and so skinner saunters off in his very tight pants, defeated. 

he wakes up on the couch to a phone ringing. and it’s mulder saying that jane's body was stolen, and all the evidence has been cleaned. “slow down” “i’m sorry sir, but i can’t” <- his brain was in overdrive!!

mulder figured out the replacement blood wasn’t jane's because she has a different folate serum level and skinner seems to be cursing himself for such a mistake. a good catch on mulder's part.

he has one lead, and it’s the make of the gun. but skinner realizes something… his gun isn’t in his desk!!! WHAT!! NO NO NOOOOOO

he calls CSM and growls that “you can’t do this”…….  he says that the man died so skinner could have what he wanted… what does that mean…

A CURE FOR AGENT SCULLY??????

WHAT!!!!

what does that have to do with the bees!!!

“if anything happens to her, i will expose you” <- OHHHH HE IS NOT MESSING AROUND!!! he said i'll get us both thrown in prison if you fuck with my agents!!!!

“i don’t care what happens to me” <- OHHHH MY GOD I’M RIPPING OFF MY SHIRT IN BIBLICAL LEVELS OF GRIEF. he loves her.

“agent scully stands to live a full and healthy life. i would hope the same for you, mr. skinner” <- no no no no no. please don’t kill him. please? for me?

(this made me picture a world without skinner and it was very sad. do not make me imagine this ever again. i won't stand for it)

this episode has me HOOKED!!!!!

back at the shipping warehouse, skinner is being led to the restroom. the bee incident only went down yesterday!!!! he finds more of the yellow goop… and says he needs a hammer

he’s beating the hell out of that wall and finds it filled with honeycomb!! but this is probably EVIL honeycomb, right?

why yes, of course. he brings some of the evil honey to someone in maryland with a very cool in-house lab. oh, to be a maryland scientist with an incredible laboratory in the home that i own, because homes were plentiful in those days.

would it help to know that this bee can kill people? “any kind of bee can be lethal” <- well that is not super helpful in this particular case. nor is this fact comforting.

when it seems all hope is lost, bee scientist man finds some royal jelly and a larvae!! so hopefully soon they will have some answers. and now i know what royal jelly is.

oh, turns out 6 months ago mulder called the same guy asking about killer bees… well, he is always up to such activity. he was probably also calling a marine biologist about the loch ness monster. he keeps those DMV area professors BUSY

(author's note: now knowing what this is referring to, i think it is so fascinating to place s4 within a timeline of 6 months!!!!)

skinner is going through the x files folders down in mulder's office. and why the hell does one say “foo fighters” in the background!!! has the FBI finally found what the foo that they are fighting is???

OH!!! he finds the pictures of the child clones working in the honey farm!!! from earlier!! i was wondering if we were ever going to revisit that!!

he sees covarrubias' number on there so he starts to call her… omg…

(i have never seen one of those big rolly things of contact lists before)

but just as he is about to call, mulder walks in!!! he has pictures of the parking lot from the night of the Event… pictures that show a very blurry skinner that he cannot recognize AS skinner, but he’s going to take them over to special photo department, and oh no. oh no.

mulder asks what skinner wanted to tell him and he scrambles to just say he wanted to check on his progress… and i cannot tell if mulder believes him or not

skinner calls covarrubias about the bees. and she has to tell him that there was no bee evidence at all. so skinner counters with: well what if *i* have the bees??? well, then that would change things.

covarrubias is really pretty. while i may not like that she basically became deep throat 3.0, she is very pretty

bee scientist comes home to find all the lights out!!!!! his lights are covered in bees!!! it seems they broke through!!! no no no no!!! they cover his windows!! and he is being swarmed….. 

a terrible (or perhaps fitting) end for a man of bee science

mulder calls skinner down to show him the body of the bee scientist. and he had symptoms of SMALLPOX???? they put the smallpox in the BEES???? oh my god. new worst nightmare just dropped.

skinner wants to know how he contracted a disease that no longer exists, and yes, it did in fact come from the bees.

mulder thinks that someone is trying to revive the world’s deadliest disease!! oh my god!! how does this relate to the aliens???? i thought i knew at one point but now i don’t!! 

skinner asks mulder to tell him what he finds when he goes over to the photo department…

back at the shipping warehouse, skinner is talking to misty, jane’s friend. she clearly knows something but isn’t saying it. jane was misty’s best friend. and they were trying to go on vacation together. </3

OH. THE MEN WHO CAME THERE SAID IF THEY TALKED TO ANYONE SHE WOULD LOSE HER JOB….. they wanted a package!!!!! a damaged package!!

and it was stored right next to the bathroom where jane was found?!!

shipping bees… package gets damaged… bees get loose… smallpox bees everywhere… very bad very bad…

luckily, she can look up the tracking number!!!

back at the photo lab, someone who is not pendrell but looks like him is working on the photo. and mulder says that it is very important to him.

oh, his sad sad face as he realizes who it is…. like somebody punched a baby in front of him.

back at the alien groupchat meeting!! (again i think they’re called the syndicate?? i googled something once and that came up)

CSM is showing them the last remaining bee, saying all others were destroyed. and the body has been sanitized. CSM tries to say it has been taken care of. but the others want answers on what went down. 

“should we presume that the trial run is proceeding as planned?” “it’s already begun” <- HEY WHAT DOES THAT MEAN…… and why is the next shot KIDS ON A PLAYGROUND………… with a BEE BUZZING……….

kid gets stung by a bee…… as a ton of other kids ALSO get stung by bees!!!!!!! no!! not the kids!!!!

one kid trips and falls, and when the teacher tries to save him, she is swarmed!!!!!!! and the little kid has horrible marks all over him!!!! as do the other kids!!!!

skinner is here at this hospital to see what is going on… and he tells the doctor that the kids need to be treated for smallpox. this does not go over well with the doctor!!! he says that not only is smallpox no longer around, but it has an 8 day incubation period. well okay. i guess. things have changed.

covarrubias is here!! hold up is her name MARITA and i’ve been getting it wrong this whole time?! editing this post to refer to her by last name instead. i cannot tell if that is a subtitle error or the Truth. i’m sorry miss covarrubias. coh-vah-roo-bee-us.

she called asking about the contents of 7 packages sent to south carolina!!

“you’re a little late to do anything about it” “so are you, apparently” <- ohhh get his ass

she asks wtf is going on, and that she needs to tell the UN so don’t mess around. he hypothesizes that it’s an experiment using bees as carriers for disease. and when skinner says he hasn’t told mulder, she straight up asks if he’s involved OHHHH!! but he denies it. 

she says he has to come forward…..

back home. he starts to dial a number but stops, pulling his gun (which is now back in his desk!) out

AND OHHHHH MY GOD MULDER IS HERE AT SKINNER'S PLACE. “PUT THE GUN DOWN AND MOVE AWAY FROM THE DESK” <-OHHHH NO. IT’S GOING DOWN. 

ugh this is gonna be a two parter, isn’t it… i had a sneaking suspicion 

(it actually wasn't. but you can't blame me there. it was looking pretty close)

OHHHHHHH MULDER WENT THERE…. “you’ve been working with the smoking man all along. you knew when they had my father killed, and you knew when they took scully” <- OHHH MY GOD. his rage is barely contained and he looks like a damn animal.

skinner points out that the lock in his desk was forced open, why would he force his own lock open? and that the police are probably on their way right now. 

oh my gosh… i’m holding my breath… is mulder going to believe him? will skinner tell the truth?

“i advised you against a certain course of action some time ago concerning agent scully. i didn’t follow my own advice” <- oh my god........... the confession.............

he was willing to admit to making a deal with the devil for scully... does she know how loved she is...?

mulder gets quiet and says “give me the gun” <- WHAT IS HE THINKING? 

someone is firing it into some water? i guess that is how you figure out what the murder weapon is. and the guy says he is absolutely certain this is it.

mulder says they find it in a sewer grate around the corner (but for a moment i fully believed he was going to say it was his). the expert guy breaks the news that unless forensics pulled a print, it’s untraceable because the serial number was cleared off.

skinner leaves at this news. he almost smiles, and i wondered if the expert was going to call him out on such odd behavior. and from there, he goes to meet CSM. 

ohhhhh he has the gun to CSM's head!!! “agent scully is dying and you haven’t done a damn thing about it” <- HOLY SHIT!!! CSM’s smirking…. the right bastard

he claims that if skinner kills him, he’ll also kill scully… and that he had saved her life before when he had her returned to mulder.

“but you’ll never know if you pull the trigger, will you?” <- OHHHHHH MY GOD. is he bluffing or not!!!!! how would he have a way to cure her beyond letting one of the aliens he keeps on hold touch her???

SKINNER FIRES THREE SHOTS??????? DID HE SAY FUCK IT AND KILL HIM. IS THIS THE END OF CSM?????

NO. they were JUST behind his head. oh the tension was THICK.

message received. i hope. whoever is on the phone is asking about skinner, saying mulder will be contacting them soon.

it's covarrubias????? she says she’ll tell him what CSM wants her to tell him. WHAT!!!!!

“tell him what he wants to hear” <- HEY WHAT. IS HE GOING TO LIE AND SAY SCULLY IS OKAY????

thus concludes the episode.

I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS.

okay, first of all, covarrubias works for CSM. i feel silly for not picking up on that because we KNEW she works for the UN, famously the host of the alien groupchat parties, but i didn't even put it together at all. but just because she works for him doesn't really mean anything, because deep throat and x also nominally worked for him. to what extent is still unclear- maybe they did everything on his orders, stringing mulder along to keep him distracted from learning the truth- or maybe there were aspects of corruption they felt were "safe" to be exposed and lead him along the path for this deeper trap that CSM is laying for him. so we cannot make a covarrubias moral judgement just yet- but we also know we cannot trust her.

next. skinner loves his agents so much, dude. willing to kill AND die for scully to be okay... please think on this for a moment. and then think about it some more. how he told mulder to never make a deal with the devil, then did it himself even though he has so much to lose as the assistant director. and for the rest of his life he'll have to live with knowing he assisted in his murky and horrific plans, including infecting children with the world's deadliest diseases, because he could not stand to lose scully.

there are many kinds of love, some of which are complex and indescribable and cannot be inserted into conventional roles, and i think that is exactly what is going on here. the incalculable love for skinner and his agents.

okay. and mulder trusting skinner SO ABSOLUTELY. showing up at his apartment at 4 AM to ask for help. offering to take out the trash, and the constant updates he provided him on the case. the way his face FELL when he realized it was skinner in the photo. and how he came to believe that skinner knew about or was perhaps even behind the calls to kill his father and kidnap scully. how betrayed and horrified he was. how he must have recalled his mantra of "trust nobody", how he must have been kicking himself for falling into a false sense of security for a man who risked so much for them, but must have, in his mind, been luring him deeper and deeper into a trap. imagine all of that grief about scully being abducted and then getting sick and the loss of his father being placed at skinner's feet. mulder, who never for a second doubted that skinner was innocent in his earlier brush with the law. imagine how incredibly painful that "realization" would have been. and then how he wanted so badly to believe him, but after so many betrayals, it would take more than just a scratched desk for him to do so. but he does. god.

there is an addictive substance placed between the relationships of skinner to mulder and scully. something almost familiar. something almost entirely unspoken except for in a foundational and silent trust.

this episode was really, really good. probably my favorite of the season! i was trying to figure out what exactly was going on and why. it really raised the stakes for skinner, mulder, AND scully in a bunch of different directions: skinner being in CSM's pocket, covarrubias being in CSM's pocket, mulder believing her as she feeds him lies, scully's illness getting worse... whew!

more than anything i love to see the trust between characters tested and pulled, and their bonds put to the limits. so i am very pleased. i will likely be thinking of mulder's animalistic rage as he held the gun to skinner's face for a long, long time. and how skinner quietly admitted to doing what he told mulder not to. by jove. an excellent piece of television.

[donationwayne]

here's my confession (I'm kind of hooked on you) CHAPTER FIVE

Pairing: Buddie || 29.3k/109k || Chapter 5/19 ||

CHAPTER FIVE OF @118bigbang !!!!!!

DILF EDDIE PREVAILS

Today we have: PRANK WAR AND GOSSIP

Summary:

Buck is forced to go on a temporary medical leave after getting crushed by a flight of stairs. In the meantime, he works at dispatch while he recovers. One evening after work, Buck hooks up with a mysterious, hot, family oriented DILF. The following morning he’s mortified and a little love sick after discovering said hook-up aka Eddie Diaz is the newest (temporary) firefighter liaison--poached from a house in El Paso, Texas. Buck navigates becoming best friends and eventually work partners with his ex-hookup. In the meantime, he desperately tries not to fall in love. He fails.

Cue: An adorable five year old, prank wars, gay offs, break room gossip, a fake dating plot, firefighting shenanigans, a packed summer of PTA responsibilities, karaoke, and copious amounts of cupcakes and thai food

OR

tldr: the hot dilf from the bar is my new work partner

_________

SNIP

Phase two is still a secret from even Eddie. Buck has decided to use Josh’s playful distaste of Eddie to his advantage. He's spent the last week stealthily and not so stealthily taking pictures of Eddie. His best friend had no clue what was going on but went along with it anyway. So now that Buck has quite the album going, it is time to enact phase two. He's loving titled Phase Two: 'one million pictures of Eddie'.

The first picture was delivered in a tiny photo frame that Buck has gently placed on Josh’s desk before his arrival to work. Josh had spotted the photo immediately and swung accusatory glares around the room. Buck had stoically taken a phone call, although a laugh threatened to escape a time or two.

Day One of 'one million pictures of Eddie' commences perfectly when Josh storms the breakroom during Eddie’s first fifteen minute break of the day.

“What is this?” Josh accuses. Eddie stares at the picture of himself in the tiny frame in bemusement. He glances up at Josh, a retort on his tongue, until he notices Buck standing behind Josh, smothering giggles. Eddie’s face returns to something a shade more neutral. He shrugs, “If you wanted a picture of me for your desk, you could have asked.” Josh splutters, and by the time he spins around to storm away, Buck has straightened himself out. Once Josh has returned to his desk, Eddie and Buck break down into peals of giggles.

“Genius,” Eddie replies.

“Oh no, Eddie. This is only the beginning.” Eddie had arched his eyebrows, but Buck wasn’t ready to put his cards all on the table quite yet. Over the next few days, Buck tapes pictures of Eddie all over Josh’s desk in the least likely of places. He’s special ordered a coffee mug with Eddie’s face in the bottom. One morning, when Josh arrived to work, Linda 'innocently' handed him a full mug of coffee. 20 minutes later, Josh was spluttering at his desk. Buck’s by far favorite moment occurred when he shipped flowers to Josh with a present. When he opened the packaging, the last thing Josh was expecting was a ton of tiny pictures of Eddie that exploded out of the box like confetti.

“Buck.” Josh had said in a flat tone. “You’re so dead.”

When Buck goes over to Josh’s for dinner and their new episode of the Bachelor that evening, Josh explicitly details all the ways he's planning on dismembering Buck. Buck simply continued eating his ice cream with a shit eating grin.

What Josh didn’t know was that during his bathroom breaks or any time Josh left the room, Buck was hiding hundreds of tiny pictures of Eddie all over his apartment. Josh would probably be finding pictures of Eddie for the rest of his life, or at the least until he moved.

Yes, the prank had taken hours of Buck’s life, but he decides it is well worth it each time Josh gets startled by another Eddie. This is the first time in Buck’s life, since his injury, that he thinks he might survive if he was never able to return to firefighting. He loves his coworkers here, and it no longer felt like the end of his life. Buck likes being the go-to person with the knowledge from his first-hand experience in the field, as well as his random knowledge that never seemed to fail to impress his coworkers and occasionally came in handy. Buck loves feeling useful.

One of them had mistakenly told Buck that he was the smartest person they had ever met. Whenever he thought about it in passing, it would make him laugh all over again. Over the years, he’d failed at everything school-related. He couldn’t study for the life of him, and he had so much useless information rattling around in his brain that he always assumed would never apply to anything, but sometimes, in his line of work as a first responder, it did. For the first time in his life, he's smart and competent, and if that doesn't give him a rush.

The feeling of calm that accompanied finding his place here over the last few months still didn’t distract from his excitement each time he made progress in PT. He still has plenty of exercises to do, but their intensity was lessening, and it was becoming less and less painful. He would be able to work out properly again in no time. Maybe that would help him feel a little less pent up—especially with all the extra time he’s been spending with Eddie.

It's hard not to feel something when Eddie fixes his mischievous gaze on Buck when he's got a new idea with which they can harass Josh. It does something to his heart—he knows, medically, that hearts that don’t really skip (at least not without a serious medical condition), but he swears that's what happens every time Eddie turns that know-it-all smirk in his direction. There is some sort of chemical reaction that zips through his whole body each time. He feels it again tonight when night Eddie turns a scheming grin upon him.

"I think it's time for stage three.”

“You still have not given me specifics of what stage three really is outside of the words, ‘pen heist’."

“This is so much more than just a ‘pen heist’. I call stage three: emotional warfare." Eddie informs Buck seriously. "This is the final phase. This is when Josh will snap."

"Emotional warfare?" Buck asks in amusement. “How is that any different than what we’re already doing?”

“What we were doing before was passive. If this is going to work, we’re going to have to be careful and calculating.” Eddie grins, goofy and carefree, and completely adorable. He cards a hand through his hair—it has grown out a lot over the last few months. And when he talked about considering shaving it all off, Buck gently convinced him otherwise.

"I think the length suits you." Buck had said. He didn't voice any of the slightly filthier thoughts that might have wormed into his head.

He also thinks Eddie is supremely hot when he runs his hand through his hair. Is that something people usually find hot? Still, Buck wasn’t mad about when Eddie took his comment into consideration and made an appointment with a barber who’d just given him a basic trim.

Eddie runs his hand through his hair again now—Buck is so screwed.

[autisticbokutoenthusiast]

ray's house headcannons

so i've been making nonstop theories about the layout of ray's house/mansion since episode 2 but thought id write them down. (i know that they probably didn't mean for the set to be taken literally but im bored and have time today so im gonna pick its appearances apart) I am taking all of whats presented to us literally because i think it'll be fun!

The Bar Room

i really didnt have a better way of referring to it so Bar Room it is. Now, i am starting with this since it is in the chunk of the house i consider to be "Ray's Rooms" at the time the show takes place (more on that later). This room is really only significant in two scenes:

The first time Sand goes home with Ray

Ray finding his mom's body

We see this room first in ep 2 2/4 when Ray pays Sand to come home with him and be his drinking buddy.

the above angles are important to me for introducing three things: the bar stools, the lamp, and the curtains

now we have this shot and followers who remember this post already know but i believe this is a framed photo of his mom on top of the liquor cabinet.

(side note: Im like 99% sure the print on top of the counter is of the Brooklyn Bridge, in Brooklyn NY so shoutout to Boston)

anyway the next time we see the Bar Room is in part 4/4 of the episode in a flashback.

based on what we see in the flashback i believe this to be the same room since you can see very similar details to what we see in part 2 of the episode. i also think this confirms that the Bar Room is indeed the entrance to Ray's Rooms (which i will scream about later)

The Record Room

next up is the Record Room, which also makes its first appearance in episode 2 and then also plays a significant role in episode 7 2/4

first I'd like to establish that 1. the Bar Room leads directly to the Record Room, but also that passageway leads to Ray's Bedroom.

the Record Room itself is pretty self explainatory, its a room designed to be a place to listen to the record player. as seen in the shelves of records and the wall prints of records.

things i found interesting: there are 3 more doors (one not pictured in the above photos) in this room that lead to unknown places, there seems to be another balcony, and also there truly are a bunch of records.

Ray's Bedroom

It is first seen in episode 3 1/4, again in ep 4 1/4 and 4/4 and then ep 7 2/4

in these photos we see a door on each side of the bed, a balcony on the left side, the same wallpaper that is in the Record Room, a coat rack for his button ups, and then also a few books whose titles i dont know. Also it lowkey looks like Ray is using 3 thick/firm pillows, i love my little prince. I highlighted this in the last photo but it looked a bit like the door to the left of the bed was a bit open, I personally believe these doors to be closets, I think it makes sense and I highly doubt he only owns button downs.

Mew's Mad Dash

I've saved these photos for their own section, but I think this moment is important for two things:

Confirming the layout of Ray's Rooms

Why he is going to different doors

The first shot we get is of a reflection of the lamp that sits in the corner of the Bar Room

pictured above: Mew enters through the Bar Room and into the Record Room

(i told you there were 3 doors) Mew's confusion at the doors leads me to three different theories:

He's never been here before and doesn't know his way around

He's been here before but forgot how to get to Ray's bedroom/ generally just doesn't know where Ray could be

He's been here before but entered through one of the three other doors in the Record Room

Here we see Mew enter a hallway that leads to the bathroom. important things: the door is open (i believe all the doors get closed by the people who work there until they are opened and left that way by Ray), Mew is facing away from the bathroom while looking for Ray, which implies there is something in front of him (i believe this to be the Bedroom), there is a mirror on a surface with a handle- I think this is the bathroom door left open, like the other door mentioned above, which reminds me of the glimpse we see of Ray's mother's body in a room where the doors seem to be open (idk what I mean by this besides just the sight of their bodies being found in the open, especially because of the vulnerable position his mom was in, does something to me, espeically especially because he is in the open but curled in on himself)

The Downstairs

We get limited glimpses of other parts of the house in ep 10

based on that first image and other ones i think that the circular railing we see in ray's ep 2 flashback is either very end of these stairs, or further down a circular hallway that overlooks the downstairs. Alternatively this could be a seperate stair case/area entirely.

i personally dont think this counter we see in the dining area is a kitchen, i think its too small compared to a size i'd expect based on what we see of the rest of the house and i don't really see aplliances. i would however see this as a contender for a second bar- like hear me out the cabinets are displaying fancy plates yes but on the counter itself are decanters and crystal glasses, it also the only time we see Ray outside of Ray's Rooms, and i think its because his Bar Room was recently emptied of its supply so he had to come to the other one. also im kinda obsessed with the massive tv in the dining room like majority of seats are at a bad angle to see it, this is the kind of set up they use in like meeting rooms. also there looks to be another chandelier in the room next to the tv.

The Outside

we really only get two shots of the Outside.

an interesting detail about this balcony is that, if we assume its the one in the Bed Room and not the one in the Record room, then the windows next to it probably belong to the Bar Room, which I assume has windows there unless the curtains were just decoration.

combing through behind the scenes footage confirms that 1. both sides of Ray's Bedroom have a balcony and 2. the Bar Room does lead to the Music Room which has the doors to Ray's Bedroom

Why I've said all this.

My personal headcannons based on these details is that

What we know as Ray's Rooms, orginally were his mom's. I personally cannot see having a big ass mansion and then deciding the perfect place for your kids bedroom is next to the Bar Room, but also, the Bar Room being where his mom dies and also the Record Room containing her personal collection makes me think that this is where she spent her time. I'd even say the Bed Room could have been hers as well.

I think it could be possible that the mystery doors in the Music Room and Bed Room are way's to get from Ray's Rooms from other parts of the house but because of how the Bar Room attaches to the hallway that leads to the main stairs I will assume Ray typically enters through the Bar Room as we saw him do with Sand in episode 2 and as Mew did in episode 4.

based on my above point I AM ALMOST CERTAIN THAT EVERYTIME RAY COMES HOME AND GOES TO HIS ROOM TO GET CHANGED OR GO TO BED HIS HAS TO PASS THE SPOT WHERE HE FOUND HIS MOTHERS BODY.

as I said earlier I think its likely the mystery doors in the Bed Room are closets, and I'd say something similar for the Record Room. In terms of the Bed Room I think one door leads to a big closet and the other leads to a room with a vanity/ place to get ready type thing. In the Record Room however, based on the only times i've been in big houses have been famous big houses turned into museums, one of those doors might be one used by the staff to get around the house (i think it would be fun for there to be secret hallways please let me have this). It could also be interesting if one led to another room that we haven't seen. What that room would be, I don't know I don't live in a mansion

actually what if there is a game room and you can get to from the Record Room but whose main entrance is somewhere else

Also, I said i think these used to be Ray's mom's rooms and i stand by that- I think she wanted a place to retreat to seperate from the other people in the house that it doesn't seem she chose to make a family with, I also think Ray takes over the rooms after she dies- not immidiately but maybe a few years after

I think Ray and his mom both leave all doors open and all lights on, in an attempt to make the house seem lived in and inviting- but the staff who work there are instructed to close everything up as they clean (i don't really know how cleaning staff in a place this big work tho tbh)

i think there is a seperate kitchen where they have they're own chef, i do not think Ray has cooked anything in his life ever

i think when Ray was born they lived in the house that becomes the hostel and when he's a young child they move into this house

i think Ray subconsiously took over the part of the house that is a living reminder of his mothers ghost as a form of self punishment and i think it is a necessary step in his healing to move out of those rooms but i think it takes him a while to get there

yeah thats all i have as of now, just wanted put down my thoughts

[bengiyo]

Ossan's Love Returns Ep 7 Stray Thoughts

Last time, Haruta and Maki finally got married! Haruta struggled with nerves before the wedding, and Maki struggled with balancing work and wedding planning (complicated by Kurosawa’s involvement as always). Kurosawa, Takegawa, Izumi, and Kiku all struggled with the events of this wedding, and brought a somber energy to the event that was so heavy. Despite having their beautiful day, we left on the Chief coughing up blood in the bathroom.

I like picking up with the wedding photos and giggling about them.

Why did that noise come out of Izumi??

Takegawa pushing his poly agenda. Sir, the fans are with you if the fic is any indication.

For a second I thought this man was really writing drug prescriptions and I was so alarmed.

Chizu, noo!! The squad is in crisis! I’ve been here before, though. Did not know I was registered at a friend’s nursery and got the call to pick up one of the kids.

I’m very emotional about the pickling jar.

Wow, their house isn’t childproof at all. Rest in the pepperonis, babes.

Episode 7: How Will You Live?

Damn, Chief, how stressed are you that you’re vomiting blood? Did they give him any kind of treatment plan??

Oh, Chizu. I love having Kurosawa in the story because everyone feels like they can trust him with their insecurities. Still, we can’t let the Chief hurt himself also trying to care for Goro.

Takegawa is always so much. I loved Maki’s face journey before letting this man in. I’m excited to see where this Goro plotline goes if Maki doesn’t like having kids around.

Oh, Kurosawa, I really hope you work through this. I am rooting for you.

Yes, Choko! Intervene! Kurosawa is not well!

Goddammit, they’re gonna bridge the Kurosawa health plot with the cop plot.

I love that they didn’t cast other actors to play young Choko or Musasshi.

There might be something wrong with one of his lungs!!!

Good job, Kiku. It’s about time we got this out in the open.

Nah, I’m crying with Haruta, too. When Maika said they’re a family of six, that got me, especially after Goro cleaned his mom’s shoes. That kid knows how hard his mom works.

One month left? Until what???

What is all this goodbye talk in the next episode???

I really appreciate the moment where Maki was carrying a sleepy Goro back to their house and you saw the shift occur in him about how he views kids. I don’t need them to have kids or adopt, but I like that Maki worked through his issue about kids on his own and managed to form a team with Haruta to help their friend. Goro seems like a kid who appreciates the amount of people who love him. I don’t know what’s left for Izumi and Kiku, but I’m glad Kiku made his feelings known, but I don’t think this revenge plot is over just because the guy was arrested. I’m also so nervous about Kurosawa, because that man is not well and only Choko knows.

[trash-king18]

m pt. 6

this one and pt. 7 are gonna be shorter and again sfw and mostly just for the story but what can i say, im a plot girly. but i promise pt. 8+9 are almost finished just need a little editing and things will start to get heated again soon

master list

————

you wake up in your bed..alone. not surprised but slightly disappointed as much as you wish you weren’t. still mostly relieved at not having to talk about what happened last night. thinking about him seeing that made you want to crawl into your own skin. maybe you’d get lucky and you could never talk about it again. 

but when you walk into the kitchen on your small island you find a note nestled under a mug next to a hot pot of water. 

Cariño, 

       wasn’t sure when you’d wake up, had to head into work. take the day if you need it, but if you feel up to it please stop by my office so we can talk. I’ll be there until 10. 

Made peppermint tea just in case. 

So many things about this note made your head spin all over again. the pet name. which he’s used jokingly for years but recently much more frequently and much less jokingly. The tea, peppermint was perfect for anxiety and you always drank it when you felt on edge… and he made it without being asked or told. the fact he even left a note. But one word stuck out more than the others. 

talk. 

instead of butterflies it filled your stomach with pit vipers trying to force their way out through the walls.

you knew you’d be late but you’d never let yourself  stay home after an episode before you weren’t doing so today. 

when you got to work you were glad you opted for the tea. every sip soothed your stomach. until.. you saw him. suddenly it was doing somersaults again. He was talking to a random spider person you didn’t recognize, looking very serious as always. As soon as you saw him, you turned on your heel and made a beeline for the nearest hallway. 

Too late. 

“Y/N!”

you hear him call after you but you pretend not to hear and duck into the bathrooms. Now you’re just feeling straight up nauseas. You hear him walk by but he doesn’t call for you again. you wait a couple minutes until you’re sure he’s gone and until you don’t feel like puking your guts out before sneaking   back to your lab. 

you’re in the back room, which on the outside is labeled as the door to the supply closet, so no one knocks when you’re back there, they wouldn’t think to. Except him. 

So when you hear a knock on the door you panic a little. 

You try to play it cool. 

“I’m busy O’hara come back later.”

you hear him sigh. 

“Cariño.. i just need a moment”

you brace yourself before opening the door. you peek past him making sure the main door of your lab are closed 

“don’t call me that. not here”

he seems slightly taken aback but not entirely surprised. 

he leans against the doorway. 

“I don’t want to take up too much time, I just haven’t been able to get a word with you today.”

“yeah sorry uhm really super busy, 

(not a complete lie) 

im getting close to a new formula for your injections so”

“ah i see”

he pauses for a beat 

“did you see the note?”

“uhhh yes i.. did”

“No pressure just when you have a minute.. i was hoping to check on you”

“right no yeah uhm actually you can’t”

“oh..”

“no no uh i can’t i… have to go home early”

“I could always meet you tomorrow”

“No not my apartment, uhm home home… tomorrow is my nephews birthday. I promised him i’d be there in the morning when he wakes up. so i’m leaving tonight as soon as i leave here”

“i see, when will you be back?”

“monday night” 

“hm. and… you’re feeling?”

“fine. i’m fine thanks”

your face is burning. you felt so small thinking about all the things he must be thinking about you right now 

“well uh have fun, tell el chico spider-man says feliz cumpleaños.”

a frown passes over your face you can tell he’s trying to figure out what he said wrong 

“uh yeah i will do that”

he goes to leave but turns back. 

“when you’re back.. we’ll talk?”

you just try to push down the feelings in your chest. 

you nod. 

you can tell he doesn’t really believe you but he nods and walks out. after he closes the door your shoulders drop.  

it felt so weird. you���d never seen him like this. gentleness with no mocking or taunting behind it, concerned, his words seemed tender and restrained. it was kind of scaring you. you hated that he saw what happened last night.. but the way he handled it, was like he knew exactly what you needed. even so you dreaded this conversation and you were more than glad to get away for the weekend. plus you got to see your best friend in any universe and your two favorite boys. 

————

taglist:

@urmotherswhor3 @marcswife21 @l3laze

[applesapp]

movie night <3 hanjisungxreader

Part 4!! previous part is above :>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N wakes up for the day the next morning around 11:30. The sun isn’t shining on her face today, though. The sound of hard pouring rain crashes down onto her window, waking her up. The sky is cloudier than usual. It’s a dark gray and the fog from the bay covers the ground. She leans over to look outside her window. No one is outside. The rain is so heavy, streams are being formed along the sides of the roads. The smell of the rain can be smelled through her window, filling her room with a musky and fresh scent. Oddly, she loves it.  Y/N thinks the rain is beautiful. She rolls back over to her nightstand to grab her phone. She slides over to the camera and takes a few pictures of the rainy city outside her apartment. She then checks her notifications. She has a few texts from Jisung.

“Ur welcome! I’m sorry I didn’t respond right away. I was super tired and wanted to get home and I crashed on the couch. I just woke back up.” (sent 12:30 am)

“Also, just if your thinking, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable if I did, I was just overthinking and freaked out a little bit” (sent 1:00 am)

“Ok I’m really going to bed, goodnight, I'll talk to you in the morning” (sent 1:30 am)

Y/N reads the messages confused. She wonders why he was up so late and texting her. She hesitates to respond, she doesn’t know what to say. After a while, she responds. 

“Hi! I’m sorry you didn’t get much sleep, it’s raining today, so there's not much to do today, what are you doing?”

She sits up and goes to make breakfast. After she grabs her toast and coffee, she goes to her couch and turns on the TV. A few episodes into her favorite show, her phone dings.

“Hey, yea sorry I didn’t get much sleep last night, I don’t know why. Well today is Sunday so we have today off, so nothing really, you?”

Y/N jumps up in excitement. She smiles at his text, she's so happy he responded. 

“I’m not doing anything! Since you know where I live now, wanna come over for some popcorn and a movie?” Y/N texts him back, hoping he’ll respond positively.

“Yea sure! What time?” He responds quickly.

The clock reads 12:00, Y/N does her calculations on how long it will take for her to get ready for him to come over. She decides on 2:30. 

“Does 2:30 work?” 

“Yep! See you then”

Y/N shoots out of her couch and into the bathroom to shower. She takes a quick one, not washing her hair because she washed it the day before. She throws it into a quick messy bun and applies light, basic makeup. She throws on a big tee shirt and black shorts so she can be comfortable. She brings in Christmas lights into the living room and a bunch of blankets to make it super comfy. She heats up some popcorn, and only a few seconds later, she hears a knock at her door. She brushes down her shirt and fixes herself to open the door. She opens the door to see Jisung standing there. He’s holding a huge bag of those hershey's assorted chocolate bars. His dark brown hair is damp and falling over his eyes. His clothes are kind of wet from the walk into the building. Before walking in, he looks Y/N up and down. His eyes are locked onto her, making her blush. 

“Hi Jisung!” She says with a sweet smile.

“H-hey..” He responds, still staring at her.

Y/N rushes him inside so he isn’t just standing out in the hallway. 

“I’m guessing you like chocolate?” She asks.

“Heh, yea I do, I think it would be a good snack for us to share.” He responds. 

She takes them from him and puts them onto the counter. She shows him the comfy fort she made for them and brings over the snacks. 

“What do you want to watch?” She asks.

“Have you heard of (movie of your choice)?? I think it’s really good.” He says.

“No I haven’t! We should totally watch it! Plus, it’s super long so we can watch it for a while.” She pulls up the movie and presses play. They start the movie sitting on either side of the couch. They share a big bowl of popcorn and several snacks between each other. 

A little ways through the movie, they both reach for the popcorn at the same time. But instead of pulling their hands away, they stay there. 

“Oops haha, go ahead take some.” She says.

“Thanks, also, why are you all the way over there? Come over here.” He waves his hand towards him.

Y/N scoots over towards him and he puts his arm around her. She snuggles up closer to him. They get closer and closer to each other as the movie goes along, becoming more comfortable with each other. Eventually the movie comes to an end. The snacks are almost all gone. 

“Awe, does this mean you have to go?” Y/N asks Jisung.

“No.. not necessarily.” He looks down at her and smiles. 

They both look each other in the eye and slowly move closer into each other. Suddenly, their lips meet. His soft, warm lips carrsess Y/N’s. He puts his hand on the side of her face, making the kiss deeper. After a few seconds, they pull away from each other. 

“I’ve wanted to do that since I met you, Y/N” He tells her. 

“Hehe, me too”

They look each other deep in the eye. Y/N smiles and gives him another kiss on the cheek, he blushes and giggles back. He gets up and says

“But seriously it’s like 5:30 now, that movie was so long, I should probably get going..” He stutters.

“Awe okay, do you really have to go?” Y/N asks.

“I do, I have rehearsal early in the morning and I need to pack and I need to talk to the band and-” Y/N cuts him off

“Jisung, it's okay! You can go! You don’t need to make up excuses!”

“Okay, I’m sorry Y/N I just really have to go. I don't want to go but I have to.” 

“I know I know!! Just gooo!!” She says.

She walks him up to the door and opens it for him. She looks up into his beautiful brown eyes and gives him a hug. They hold that for a while until she backs away.

“I’ll text you later! Be safe!”

“Thank you! Text you!”

He leaves and she closes the door behind her, she is really falling for him faster that she thought she could. 

[wen-kexing-apologist]

You in your post about Step by Step and homelessness: “and boy do I have more thoughts on when and where and how the connection between Jeng and Pat deepens over the last couple episodes in relation to the workplace and homophobia”. And you have touched on and delved into this issue in other posts as well. Could I ask you to elaborate on some of your thoughts on how homophobia and ignorance are at play in this series and Jeng and Pat’s relationship? Mostly because I really want to hear them, and also because I have to do a presentation at uni next week about diversity and differences in culture in the workplace and I want to use it to talk specifically about queer people in the workplace. I’m even considering bringing in this series explicitly to give some examples, because who am I if I can’t use a space where people are forced to listen to me to connect the topic to one I’m fervently passionate about? And so your insights on this general issue (and also @bengiyo’s and @shortpplfedup’s if they’re up for it, since they do seem to have thoughts on this as well—or anyone else who wants to talk about it), whether directly related to the series or not, would be greatly appreciated. I honestly should just drop the link to that post of yours in the class and let that speak for itself, because it is fantastic.

(Please don’t see this as a way for you to do my work, I am generally really interested in this topic and would like to hear other people’s thoughts on it. And you always bring so much big brain energy.)

Hello! Thank you for your ask! Warning: This is going to be LONG, (long long) 

Workplace and Homophobia

Relationship Development and The Workplace in Step By Step

My thoughts on homophobia in the Jian Group workplace and the way that influences where and how Pat and Jeng make progress in their relationship I think, would best be played out by showing a timeline based on episode and location. 

I will give you some explanations along the way, but since this is for a school assignment (and I have a separate Super Top Secret Agenda to get more people to write show analyses, I’m also going to make you draw some connections yourself). 

Episode 1:

We start in the office, establishing that Pat is a new hire, and that everyone is exploiting his labor → he is asked by Ying to go buy glass jelly → He spills it on Jeng’s shoes (Setting: in the workplace lobby but not when they have actually entered the office) → They stand together in the elevator and Jeng helps Pat hold some of the drinks, and tells Pat it’s fine when Pat apologizes for dropping the glass jelly → When the doors to the elevator open and Pat and Jeng are no longer alone and enclosed in a private space, Pat takes the drinks back, exits the elevator, steps on to his office floor, and then freaks when he sees the elevator go up to the executive’s suite.

Pat goes to a bakery after work (Setting: outside the workplace) → He sees Jeng through the window → He enters and starts flirting with Jeng

Pat goes to a restaurant (*cough* *cough* Pearl & Oliver) with his friends (Setting: outside workplace at Jeng’s restaurant) where he drunkenly starts openly thirsting after Jeng (Read: being openly, loudly queer) → Pat doesn’t want to get his hopes up: “maybe he’s straight”* \\ Ae: “many people are gay or bi these days, you must be brave” → Pat returns from the bathroom to a milk ice cream and glass jelly dessert that was given to the table by the restaurant owner, Jeng (Pat doesn’t know this last part). 

Pat goes back to the bakery (Setting: outside the office) and asks the cashier about Jeng → Pat runs in to Jaab and is introduced to Jen for the first time (Read: growing his queer network)

Cut to Pat at work sitting at a table with his coworkers (Setting: inside the office)…Ying…Ying rips a fruit in half and Prem says “Jeng makes us do a lot of work and he lacks humanity” → They keep telling Pat stories about Jeng and Pat asks about him casually → Prem says “Why are you asking, Pat? Or are you interested in Jeng?” and elbows him jokingly (Read: Pat has not told the office he is queer, but he is clockable) → The rest of the table continues to list complaint after complaint after complaint about Jeng, the only person who is questioning their abject hatred of Jeng before he has even arrived is Pat (and there are other considerations to be made here, Pat is young, Pat doesn’t know Jeng, there are probably some legitimate and valid critiques of Jeng’s management style here, but it is worth noting) → [This is for your project: Ying says “This is Thailand. In Thailand, older people should always be respected, although his father owns the company. He’s so young, but he doesn’t respect older workers.]

Pat goes to the bakery (Setting: outside work) and Jeng queues up behind him → Jeng initiates the interaction this time: “Are you cutting me in line to get that croissant?” → Pat responds back “I thought I would buy you a coffee” \\ Jeng: “It’s probably too late in the day for that” \\ Pat: “How about chocolate?” \\ Jeng: “I’ll take a hot one,” → They sit together at the bakery and Pat starts talking about the ideas he has to improve the bakery’s workflow → Jeng is already falling for Pat, he is trying not to smile too hard, he says Pat’s ideas are interesting, and he asks if he is in Digital Marketing, pointing to Pat’s ID, he checks Pat out when Pat rushes to take his lanyard off → Pat, not knowing that Jeng is his manager, confides in him: “Everyone in the office, especially the old employees, are really afraid of this manager”, Jeng asks if Pat believes all the things that his coworkers told him about the manager, and Pat responds: “I think it’s normal, it shows he’s concerned with the workflow, I don’t think he is fit for the WORK CULTURE AT JIAN GROUP and Jeng SMILES (to himself of course) 

That night Pat calls Ae (Setting: outside workplace) and gushes about the tall, gentlemanly guy he had an afternoon snack with → His straight friends all try to convince him to go for it when he tells them he’s scared. 

We flashback to Pat and Jeng in the bathroom (Setting: inside workplace, but again, not in the office itself) → Pat accidentally holds Jeng’s hand for a second trying to take the napkin and drinks from him → Pat apologizes \\ Jeng: “For what?” \\ Pat: “Nothing,” 

Karaoke Bar to celebrate a coworker’s retirement (Setting: outside workplace, but surrounded by coworkers and at work function), Pat is sitting by himself away from everyone else → Ae texts Pat and tells him to come to Pearl & Oliver → Pat leaves the retirement party just to sit outside the venue and figure out how to sneak off → Ying comes over and begs on her knees for Pat to help her re-format her slides before tomorrow: “You don’t seem to be enjoying the party I think you should go back and finish the work for me” → Pat stops by Pearl & Oliver, his friends have already gone home, he sees Jeng (Setting: outside workplace, and away from work function)

Pat goes home, (Setting: outside workplace) starts editing the slides, and just rants about the treatment he is receiving from Ying (it is at this point I would like to mention that part of Pat’s job is translating for his coworkers), Ying calls him (his home has now been tied to his work. See @colourme-feral’s posts about Pat’s desk being in his room)

Pat learned Jeng is his new manager (Setting: inside workplace) 

Questions: What patterns are you seeing emerge in Episode 1 around where Jeng and Pat interact? Are those patterns related to how Jeng and Pat interact? Are you seeing any themes popping up in the workplace? In how Pat’s coworkers interact with him? In how Pat’s coworkers talk about Jeng? If so, note them.

My Conclusions From Episode 1:

At all moments in this episode where Jeng and Pat exhibit romantic interest in each other they are somewhere outside of work.

Supporting Evidence: Their first meeting is in the lobby, somewhat of a liminal space between personal life and work life, the bathroom where Jeng cleans his shoes is in the lobby because his shoe was clean by the time they got in the elevator, Jeng is nice when in the elevator (the thing you take coming to and from work), Pat openly simps for Jeng to his friends outside of work, Jeng gives Pat’s table a milk ice cream and glass jelly dessert at his other job, sure, but Pat is not an employee at Pearl & Oliver so for our purposes this counts as “outside the workplace”, all other semi-blatant acts of flirting between Pat and Jeng happen at a bakery, where they have equal footing [Jeng is the manager of Pat’s Department, Jeng is the owner of Pearl & Oliver, Pat’s house is Pat’s space, Jeng’s house is Jeng’s space]

Pat is the only queer person (that we know of) in the office and on top of that he’s young and exploited, and that leaves him a) unable to relate to his coworkers and b) isolating himself

The adult employees are being homophobic. 

Supporting Evidence: literally Ying takes out her anger on a fruit, Prem says Jeng lacks humanity (despite not having seen him in at least a few years if at all?), they have decided they are already going to hate Jeng when he arrives because he is replacing their former (straight) manager [I am almost certain he references a wife and kids in his retirement speech] based off stories they have heard. Pat, the only queer person (we know of) in the office is the only one going up to bat for mysterious manager #1 

Possible Symbolism: Pat saying that Jeng might not fit in with the work culture at Jian Group is metaphor for Jeng’s queerness not being compatible with the homophobic corporate culture. 

Cheating Evidence: *having seen most of the show so far I can confidently say that there are far more overt portrayals of homophobia in the workplace in this show, some of which occur in the second episode. 

*Pat has been having people call him on thinking Jeng is straight since Episode 1. 

Episode 2

We open Episode 2 with Jeng and his Dad talking about the department Jeng started in the company (Setting: Inside the workplace). There is a veiled threat in there with Jeng’s Dad saying: “I’ll give you another chance to prove yourself again, on how this department is important to the company” (Read: prove you deserve to stay or I will punish you). 

Next scene Pat has Jeng on one side and Ying on the other (Setting: inside the workplace) while Pat rushes to meet a deadline that was given to him by Ying fo her mistakes → Jeng tries to help Pat → Pat pushes him away, realizes that he has just been rude to someone trying to help him → Ying tries to throw Pat under the bus for her mistake

Jeng, Pat, and Ying are in a meeting (Setting: inside the workplace) → Ying gets feedback about the professionalism of the slides → Ying looks straight at Pat and then starts apologizing saying there was a rush → Jeng looks down, puts his hand in front of his mouth, hides his reaction. 

Ying: “My coordinator” gestures to Pat \\ Jeng: *looks at Ying* \\ Ying: “He did it like that” \\ Jeng: *looks at Pat*. Pat stands up for himself, and Jeng’s head snaps up and stays trained on him, and he does not react, Prem reacts though

Pat is in the making coffee (Setting: in the workplace) and dissociating (this is the first time, but not the last time we will see Pat dissociating) and Prem comes up to Pat and starts questioning why Pat threw Ying under the bus the way he did by speaking up for himself: “You didn’t finish her work” is literally a line he says to Pat when he is telling Pat it is his fault that the slides were bad and belittling the work that Pat does, saying that it is simple and then questioning Pat’s intelligence. 

Jeng calls Pat into his office (Setting: inside workplace with no witnesses) → Pat does not make eye-contact with Jeng, he looks guilty, like a kicked puppy → Jeng starts the conversation off by telling Pat that he has spoken with Ying about her behavior → Pat looks up, smiles, and says “Mr. Jeng you understand me, right?” → Jeng says yes but then leads in to a conversation about how Pat needs to “learn how to control his emotions like people with maturity do” telling Pat “you still don’t understand the image and credibility of the team” → Jeng tells Pat this department (that Jeng started) is separate from the rest of the company → Jeng tells Pat honestly his concerns about the possible consequences of Pat not being in control of himself: “I’m afraid that someday the board will decide they don’t need this department” 

Pat cries in the bathroom and his coworker calls him for an urgent meeting

Jeng has the urgent meeting (Setting: inside workplace) where Jeng gives out project assignments → Pat is left off the assignments → Jeng tells Pat to speak to him after the meeting → Pat looks nervous and sad like he’s about to get in trouble, Prem and Ying seem…very happy

Jeng speaks with Pat after the meeting (Setting: inside the workplace, no witnesses) → Jeng tells Pat if he can handle a research and strategy assignment he will give Pat a brand to manage → Nan is introduced

Pat’s coworkers sit down at lunch together → They complain about Pat: “one rotten fish spoils the whole barrel” → Pat walks by, they stop talking → Prem invites Pat to sit down → Ying leans over and whispers “Don’t ask him to join us! Just ask him to be polite” → They start intentionally, and loudly quoting clients that complained about the chart’s professionalism, etc., making fun of Nan, “she’s like a female Mr. Jeng” (Question: Why do they do this?) → They ask Pat to join them again 

Nan checks on Pat → Nan identifies Pat’s obvious talent and enthusiasm → Nan spends a lot of time helping Pat

Jeng meets with Pat in his office → Jeng nitpicks many details of Pat’s presentation → Jeng stops Pat before he leaves to say “This might be a personal matter, but it seems like you have gotten close to Nan. People might get the wrong idea” \\ “She’s like a sister I can talk to” \\ “Still, keep your distance I don’t want people getting the wrong idea because she’s in a higher position of power than you” 

Nan comes over to Pat, puts her hands on his shoulders → Pat looks around and sees the entire office watching them

Pat goes to get food (setting: outside office) he runs in to Put

Pat gets a “flower delivery” that Ying hands him with a note that says “Happy One Month Anniversary” that Pat ordered himself so people would stop speculating about his relationships in the office (Setting: inside the workplace) → Nan: “Why don’t you tell people you’re gay? It’s easier,” (I don’t think we’ve established that he told Nan this information, but either he’s clockable or he felt comfortable enough to tell her that) \\ Pat: “I don’t want to come out yet”

Jeng and Pat attend an event where Put is speaking (Setting: outside office) → Pat gets in his head about it → Put freezes on stage briefly → Jeng looks over at Pat and sees him like that → Jeng and Put talk after the event while Pat excuses himself → Jeng learns that Put knows Pat (Read: JENG CLOCKS THAT SHIT IMMEDIATELY these men do not react with that level of awkwardness around each other without knowing each other deeper than “i knew him when he was a student intern”)

Pat goes to a bar with Ae and Beam (Setting: outside office) → Ae and Beam dunk on his coworkers → Jeng appears at the bar → Pat flees before Jeng can notice him but Jeng picks up on what’s happening 

Jeng appears inside the actual workspace for the first time, walking up to Pat’s cubicle to call him in to a meeting → Jeng sees Pat has flowers (we know they’re from Put but he wouldn’t necessarily) → Jeng tells Pat he took the liberty of correcting Pat’s slides → Pat gets feedback that his slides are too boring → Pat pulls a similar stunt he did with Ying where he presents his original slide without informing Jeng → Pat gets positive feedback

Pat runs off to go stress drink a bunch of water (Setting: inside workplace) → Prem starts harassing Pat about having a girlfriend → Pat comes out to Prem → Prem commits microaggressions, borderline harassment, and full on agression in rapid succession:  “Nan is your girl bestie?” \\ “Looking at your body and butt” (reaches out and pretends to squeeze Pat’s butt) “Are you a bottom?” → Pat prepares to throw hands in the middle of the work day

Pat gets called in to Jeng’s office (Setting: inside workplace, no witnesses) → Pat asks if they can speak later if Jeng wants to talk about the presentation → Jeng gives Pat feedback that he needs to present stuff to him first so he is able to answer questions about it → Jeng tells Pat he needs to get his emotions in check → Pat bursts out sobbing → Jeng looks surprised, then slightly miffed, then hands Pat tissues and asks him why he’s crying → Jeng: “If you cry at work like this, do you know how people will see you?” \\ Pat: “How?” \\ Jeng: “Like you’re not an adult, you’ll lose credibility” \\ Pat; “You’re afraid you won’t look very good” (Question: What, if any, additional interpretations of the bolded lines could there be?) → Jeng looks like Pat just struck a nerve

Pat gets an email for a performance review for Jeng → Pat gets drunk → Pat rants about Jeng at length in English (Remember: Part of Pat’s job is to act as a translator for his coworkers, which means the majority of the rest of the office does not speak or understand English with proficiency…everyone except for Jeng. Question: What, if any, immediate thoughts come to you about Jeng and Pat being the only people who speak the same foreign language in the workplace?) → Pat submits the review → Pat freaks out because the Q1 review is written in English and therefore identifiable → Pat is assured that Jeng will most likely not read it until morning so Pat has time to intervene → Jeng opens the email. 

Questions: What patterns are you seeing emerge in Episode 2 around where (and how) Jeng and Pat interact? Are you seeing any themes popping up in the workplace? Are you making any observations about how Pat’s coworkers interact with him? What do we notice about Jeng in the last clip of the episode that is different from what we’ve seen of Jeng before?

My Conclusions For Episode 2:

Jeng and Pat’s personal relationship grows in those moments of safety where the two queer people in the office (that we know of) are able to share space without straight people around to scrutinize. 

Explicit and subtle homophobia continues to exist in the workplace 

Supporting Evidence: What evidence do you think would support the conclusions above from the complete list of scenes involving Pat, Jeng, and/or Jian Group employees from episode 2? 

(This is already very long, sorry) 

Episode 3:

Pat approaches Jeng after a work meeting (Setting: inside workplace, after meeting so- no witnesses) → Jeng lies to Pat and says he hasn’t read the feedback form → Jeng has a fun little reaction when Pat asks to resend it, because Jeng is a freak who both deeply values valid criticisms of himself (Questions to keep in mind throughout the episode: What is ultimately Jeng’s reaction to the criticism he gets from the established employees? What is Jeng’s reaction to the criticism he gets from Pat? What if any differences exist between the established workers’ issues with Jeng and Pat’s issues with Jeng?)

Jeng is at his condo drinking wine (Setting: outside workplace) → We learned Jaab is Jeng’s brother → Jeng asks Jaab for advice, wanting to know the kind of person he is, asking anxiously about micromanagement, narcissism, and lack of empathy → Jaab is like “haha that person is correct” and Jeng is like “!!!!!!” about it → they change conversations to Jaab’s new crush on a guy → Jeng gives the worst advice “crushes will pass, spend more time with them so you will be able to identify the things you don’t like about that person and focus on those to get over the crush”...is this the strategy you are about to employ against Pat, Jeng? Cause uh…… → Jeng catches Jaab banging his head against his *ahem* closet door over a boy

In case their brotherhood was ever called in to question, I present you two absolute losers.

Pat goes to Pearl & Oliver with his friends (Setting: outside the workplace) → Pat learns Jeng is a partner in the restaurant → Jeng sees Pat with his friends and does not acknowledge Pat as if they know each other → Jeng is amused at Pat’s interactions with Ae → The trivia game asks the question: “What is a must have at this restaurant?” Pat looks right at Jeng and says milk ice cream with glass jelly → Jeng is smiling → Pat gets drunk, strips off his jacket, Jeng cannot stop looking at Pat from where he stands near their table → host asks “who was the chef that made the signature dishes?” → “Jeng was the chef” Pat says looking directly at Jeng, pointing back and forth between them, Pat wracks his brain trying to think of Jeng’s full name → Jeng once again smiles, takes the last shot, and answers the question → Pat collapses drunk and Jeng is the first one to kneel down to help him 

Pat wakes up in an unfamiliar bed in unfamiliar clothes (Setting: Outside the workplace) → Pat realizes he is at Jeng’s house, has some flashes to the previous night, and freaks out → we cut to Jeng embracing the #hygge lifestyle with that cozy as fuck sweater → Cut to the previous evening, Jeng helps Pat into a car with the intention of bringing Pat to his condo where he and Jaab would normally stay, but he gets a text from Jaab that Jaab is going back to the condo with Jen → Jeng gives them respectful space to #dogayshit and takes Pat to his home (where his parents live) instead → Pat starts drunk rambling about how he is not wrong and he will not resign → Cut back to the current moment and Pat is exploring the house and sees Jeng’s computer open to a webpage on micromanagement → Pat realizes that jeng did in fact get his original review, and is trying to learn more about the criticism he was given → Pat sees Jeng, Jeng invites Pat to eat breakfast with him in his cozy fucking sweater (Read: Pat, a queer man, is allowed to bear witness to the real Jeng, to show Pat who he is when he is not at the office, comfortable, warm, not suffocating under the suit and tie that he has to hide behind at the office to make him more respectable) → Jeng runs in to his parents, introduces Pat as his employee and says that he called him here for a meeting and Jeng’s Dad the CEO of the company Pat works for eyes Pat up and down, making a mental note that Pat is wearing Jeng’s clothing (Setting: outside workplace, in front of employer) → Jeng makes an excuse about Pat borrowing his clothes because he stained his other ones and his father walks away without a word. He knows. 

Pat and Jeng are in the car together on the way to drop Pat off at the Skytrain (Setting: outside workplace, with a witness [car driver]) → Pat texts his friends → Jeng starts talking about work → Pat fakes being asleep → Pat opens his eyes right as Jeng has made a fist in front of his face to catch a mosquito → Pat thinks Jeng is ready to punch him → Jeng makes sure Pat knows that he was just trying to catch a bug → Jeng asks Pat to hand him a wipe → Pat instead cleans Jeng’s hand for him with a wipe and Jeng is having a hard time taking his eyes off Pat as a result → Pat gets dropped off and Jeng rubs his hand, having his own take on the Pride and Prejudice 2005 hand flex (this is the one and only time I will reference P&P because this show is not a P&P adaptation)

Jeng stops by Pearl & Oliver, and overhears a conversation between employees “whenever [Jeng] is here, I always feel so messed up” \\ “How I wish I could only see a guy like that in the office” and Jeng just hides and listens, and there is of course some more valid criticism sprinkled in there (re: micromanaging) → Jeng’s friend and co-owner steps forward and cuts the conversation short when he notices his employees talking shit about Jeng (Read: Jeng’s office employees don’t want him in the office, and his restaurant employees don’t want him at the restaurant) → Jeng: “I thought I was going to take care of a sick guy, he didn’t need me, and I decided to come to work because if I am home alone I will be lost in my thoughts” → Jeng gets called out on being nervous the previous day and fucking up the kitchen 

Flash back to the previous day where Jeng sees Pat as he’s walking in to work → “As my partner, you make me feel at ease and that everything must be perfect, but if you were my boss I would say no” (Read: even his straight friend would have issues with Jeng if he was in charge of him rather than them being friends and having equal power. Some of this, again is valid criticism, but remember we are investigating scenes for potential homophobia)

Jeng returns to the condo (Setting: outside the workplace) → Jaab complains about a stomachache and blames the food → Jeng said Pat was fine (Read: Jeng is admitting in front of his queer brother that he has seen Pat this very day) → Jaab says “[Pat] must be really afraid of you” → Jeng tosses and turns at night and then thinks back to the drunken conversation Pat has with him in the car: “Mr. Jeng, you’re my hero! You’re handsome and smart. You’re so different from how people see you” (Read: Pat, a queer person, is drunk and therefore does not have the wherewithal to keep his thoughts to himself, so this is his most unrestrained and honest about his feelings for Jeng that he could possibly be) → Jeng: “I thought you’d hate me” \\ “No, I don’t. I’m just confused. The Mr. Jeng I spilled glass jelly on and the Mr. Jeng who is my boss, are so different” \\ Jeng nods \\ “I don’t know which one is the real you (Read: Pat has already contemplated the idea that Jeng is straight, Jeng as the manager of a corporate office that is rife with homophobia would seem to demonstrate that Jeng is straight. And if Pat and Jeng had met in the office for the first time, and not in the lobby, if Pat had known who Jeng was from the get go, this would have been a complete non-starter. But because Pat met Jeng when he wasn’t quite associated with the office, Pat's first exposure to Jeng was Queer!Jeng and he is confused now that he is exposed to the Corporate!Jeng)

Pat discusses the benefits of resigning versus getting fired (Setting: inside workplace) → Pat; “What if he read my assessment and is avoiding me at all costs?” \\ Nan: “Well, it’s possible he would be playing a mind game with you,” and then Nan continues to thread the anxiety needle further

Jeng in his office (Setting: inside workplace, no witnesses) practicing how he is going to talk to Pat → Jeng practices his speech, he practices his vocal tone, he practices his body language, he is struggling to figure out how to present because Pat does not fit into the standard mindset of Jeng’s other employees → Pat beats him to it, offers him his washed clothes and says “I know you are dissatisfied with my review” \\ “I’m not,” … “By talking about this I don’t mean to make you feel bad” … “I will give consequences to Prem,” “I will tell you to control your emotions,” “I intend to improve myself and I hope someday you can see the real me better” (Question: Was this the reaction Pat was expecting? Why is it different?) → Prem gets consequences for his blatant homophobia and Pat is like *twirls braids* about it → The episode ends with Pat thinking about what Jeng has just said to him, he smiles 

Questions: Where do we see Jeng and Pat’s relationship to one another improving? Forgetting that we are already aware this man has a crush on Pat, what, if any, hints/indicators are you seeing that Jeng is queer? Out of work? At work? Do we see any potential areas where homophobia may be playing a role? Whose opinions does Jeng value? Whose opinions does Pat value? 

Your Conclusions: What conclusions can you draw from this episode? What evidence do you have to support your conclusions? 

Episode 4:

Open on badminton, Ying already questioning Jeng “He’s overreacting closing the entire badminton court for his underlings…Don’t you think Mr. Jeng is kind of weird?” Ying asks, Pat responds “Is it because he’s not wearing his suit?” “It’s his clothes? NO! It’s not that. It’s how Mr. Jeng is acting”

Cut to flashback where Jeng apologizes for his behavior: “I’m sorry if I did or said anything that made people feel uncomfortable” 

WE ARE INTRODUCED TO CHOT! Who is a Senior Marketing Executive and Jeng’s personal assistant who are coming to help the team (Read: Jeng has just added at least a third queer person to the office [him, Pat, Chot] and placed Chot in a consulting position that puts that queer man in a position of power and influence over the team dynamics for the whole department) → Jeng suggests golfing → Pat suggests badminton and Jeng defers to the younger queer man that he totally doesn’t have a crush on 

Cut back to badminton → Ying “what would make somebody change?” → Chot exits the badminton game and comes over to the rest of the group → Ying tells Chot “You’re new so you probably don’t know, the real Mr. Jeng is not like this” → Chot face journey (Read: Chot thinking ‘what in the homophobia is this?’) 

→ Chot: “So what is he really like?” \\ Ying: “He’s strict! Intense! Precise! He’s very straightforward. He’s not considerate of anyone. He’s not the type to come in a good mood like this” … “maybe he’s buying prostitutes” \\ Chot: “But he’s never been known for being a ladies man,” (Read: Chot: “Ma’am that is a homosexual”) \\ Ying: “What? Are you interested in gossip too? Someone like you?”

(Body language analysis time! What emotion is Chot feeling right now? What signs might indicate he is feeling a certain way?) 

Chot: “Maybe Jeng’s dying, like in the movies” (Read: let me give as ridiculous of an accusation as you just did”) \\ Pat: “Maybe he feels bad towards us and wants to treat us better” \\ “It’s a trap. Don’t you know that, people who keep secrets to themselves like that?” (Read: double entendre here, Ying is talking about Jeng keeping secrets as to why he’s treating the employees better [even though he has already explicitly said he was trying to improve] and Jeng is not out in the office, he is keeping his queerness secret)

Teams badminton game (Setting: Outside workplace, but at work function), Jeng and Pat on the same team → Pat gets in his head and falls, Jeng asks if he is okay then tells Jeng to focus

Jeng reminds Pat that they have a work function to get to, the shower at the gym is broken, and Jeng suggests they both get ready at his condo because Pat won’t have time to go home and come back → They arrive at Jeng’s condo (Setting: outside workplace) → Pat gets ready and snoops around, thinks that Jeng has a girlfriend → Descends the stairs while Jeng vacuums (to show that he would make a great house husband) → Jeng looks starstruck seeing Pat.

Chot introduces himself to Pat and Pat is like “oh, I too- “ “am gay, yeah” \\ “Even though I am very femme you are the only one that knows…Prem is always trying to get me to hit up girls, Can’t he see that I’m a tootsie” (now, this is a term I was not familiar with before this show, but it is also used in 180 Degrees Longitude Passes Through Us and was translated as “faggot” so consider “tootsie” in general a slur) → Chot asks about the gala Pat says “It was like I got to see another side to Mr. Jeng” \\ Chot: *kermit the frog tea meme* → Jeng appears, Chot asks how long he’s been there, Jeng says since Chot started singing, and Chot is like  “you are the second person who knows” (ie Jeng heard him say he was gay, and therefore Chot is out at the office to two people. Which two people? The gays.) 

Jeng offers snack to Pat in his car (Setting: outside work) → Pat says the snack is delicious (this is a surprise tool that will help us later) → They discuss work-life balance → They bicker and Jeng says: “I think you should stand your ground, or people will see you as weak. I think you should speak up for yourself more than this. 

Pat is told by Jeng’s friend that Jeng is not on good terms with his father. (Read: CEO of company does not have a good relationship with his queer son)

Pat asks for gossip about Jeng from Ying → the weirdest thing she knows about Jeng is that he left the company two years ago (Read: Jeng keeps his shit locked down, he will not be clockable to any straight employee, and possibly to some queer ones too [Pat]) → Chot takes Pat to the bathroom to berate Pat for asking Ying for gossip, and then Bruce gives us a number of spectacular faces that indicate that Chot is like “jfc that guy is also gay” → CHOT ASKS PAT IF HE HAS A CRUSH ON JENG (Setting: In the workplace, but somewhere with no witnesses, just two queer people talking about crushes) → Pat and Chot hide in the bathroom stall when Jeng enters the restroom (now all three queer people are in the same space) just in time for Pat to sneeze and jeng to recognize it’s him → Jeng asks Pat to work on some stuff at his condo on Sunday

Pat goes to the condo (setting: outside workplace) → Pat and Jeng work on presentations → Pat gets excited when Jeng approves of the slides → Jeng asks Pat to stay for a meal → Jeng’s niece arrives → Jeng weaponizes the cute factor of his niece to get Pat to stay for a meal → Pat arrives home and gets a follow request from Jeng (Question: What, if anything, does this demonstrate about where and how Pat and Jeng’s relationship progresses)

Pat sends a message about Jeng leaving with a woman’s handbag that is not his nieces accidentally to the group chat → Jeng responds to the message → Jeng has Pat come talk to him one on one in the office in the evening (Setting: inside the workplace, no witnesses) → Jeng and Pat are honest with each other, Jeng tells Pat “I am so tired of having to wear a mask for the sake of society”  

Meeting room with: Jeng, Pat, and Chot- all three of them can speak English. 

Jeng fucks up his knees and embarasses himself at karaoke (Setting; outside office at work function) → Pat is once again not participating, and does not see Jeng embarass himself → Jeng finds Pat, Pat asks why he was chosen to lead the Forge project “I’m the teams weakness” \\ “You have to trust yourself like I trust you” 

Forge project gets approved → Pat is PUMPED → Pat texts Jeng (after hours) thanking him → Jeng, in his pjs and relaxed, reading in the evening gets the text message and  BEAMS 

The office staff watch the video of Chot singing karaoke and one of them comments “my gaydar is so broken” (baby, there are at least two other gay boys in the room with you right now, we know it’s broken) → Jeng teases Pat about thinking he has a girlfriend → Jeng confirms he does not, in fact, have a girlfriend → Pat smiles  

Pat is with Jaab, smells the lotion he smelled at Jeng’s condo, sees Jeng and Jaab interact → Jeng leaves saying “thanks bro” and references their mother, because he is trying to make sure that Pat knows that Jeng and Jaab are related, not dating. (Setting: in office but not in typical work station, alone except for the three queer people)

Questions: What pattern, if any, are you seeing in where and how Pat and Jeng’s relationship to one another changes in this episode? Who is in the room when there are discussions about crushes? Who are the people spreading rumors and who are the ones questioning them?

Your Conclusions: What conclusions do you draw from the scenes in this episode? What evidence do you have to support it? 

Episode 5

Work meeting to discuss casting in the commercial → Put is proposed as an option → Pat is not reacting well to it → Jeng notices 

Pat begs Jen to go easy on him for his first day on the Forge project → Jen: “We’re here to help you” \\ Pat: “Can we change the plan?’ \\ Jen: “Sure” 

Jeng has meeting with his father → “the weather is easier to order around than you” → Jeng’s dad talks about the image of the company being an old man: “People think I’ve monopolized the whole country” \\ “Isn’t that true?” 

Jeng is nervous about Pat and calls Chot for advice (interrupts a kiss between Chot and Krit which, #homophobicworkcalls) → Chot is like “dude calm down you said you trusted him you have to trust him” → Jeng hangs up the phone and Chot BECOMES A FIANCE 

Pat, Jaab, and Jen propose a filming location → they are met with pushback → they finesse a client in to doing what they want

Hotel AC is broken → Jeng suggests Pat stay in his suite for the evening so they don’t have to try to locate another hotel last minute  → Pat looks at Jen for approval and then agrees 

In the hotel room Pat recently showered, Jeng hard at work (Setting: a limbo between work and not work, they are at the hotel because they are scouting locations, they are doing work inside the hotel room, but they aren’t in the office, and they are about to head to bed) → Pat suggests he sleep on the couch and Jeng could take the bed → Jeng says they can share the bed because the couch is going to be uncomfortable → Pat agrees to share the bed → Pat and Jeng remain a respectful and professional distance from one another in the bed → Pat looks over his shoulder at Jeng’s back → Pat tries to apologize to Jeng for bothering him, Jeng does not allow it and shuts that shit down by telling him to go to sleep → Pat dreams of Put

Pat wakes up to an empty bed, Jeng is up, Jeng has prepared breakfast, and Jeng is dressed far far more queer than we’ve ever seen him. White tank up, open beige hawaiian shirt, chain around his goddamn neck. → Pat fixes his hair, smoothes his shirt, and checks his breath before joining Jeng for breakfast → Jeng starts a convo with work and then transitions to that ambiguous area of conversation where he suggests Pat drive with him to a get together, and asks Pat to find a seafood restaurant.

Pat gets roped in to shooting sample photos with Put —> Jeng gets the pictures → Jeng gets a little mopey about seeing them together

Jeng texts Pat right around the time everyone files out the door, and suggests everyone go to the aquarium (or something, I don’t feel like pulling up Gaga for translated writing subs) the point is Pat sends the following emoji: 

(Setting: Outside the office, (but not completely out of work)

Aquarium conversation between Put and Jeng occurs where there is a polite, yet passive aggressive dick measuring contest → Pat interrupts with coffee → Jeng very obviously checks Pat out in front of Put → Put drags Pat off (Setting: Outside the office, outside the workplace, with only queer coworkers)

At dinner Jeng sees Pat eyeing a particular dish offers to give some to him → Jaab is like “aren’t you also going to give some to your brother?” → Jeng says yes, and then to not play favorites offers to give everyone at the table some, including Put. 

After dinner Put,  Jeng, and Pat walk out together → Put offers Pat a ride home → Jeng says he will drive Pat home → Put leaves, getting the message from Jeng and leaves (Question for you: what message is he getting from Jeng?) → Pat and Jeng are now alone (Setting: outside the usual office, outside the hotel, after their work trip has technically ended) a Pat; “You’re acting weird today Mr. Jeng,” \\ “I’m just saying goodbye, it’s nothing” → Jeng: “Where do you want to go before we head back? The weather is nice today?” → They head to the bridge → Jeng tells Pat to treat him to some boba as he promised (in episode 1 after spilling glass jelly on his shoe, before he knew that Jeng was his manager) (What does this mean? Jeng is trying to set a tone for him and Pat hanging out together that calls back to the easy, flirty, chemistry they had with one another when they first met. Jeng is intentionally trying to distance himself as much as possible from the Corporate!Jeng image in Pat’s mind and place himself squarely, obviously, overtly back in the Queer!Jeng image that he thinks Pat first saw him in. Hence, why he ditched the suit and tie this episode, why he brings up the owed drink, etc)

On the bridge (Setting: outside the workplace, outside the hotel, in the middle of a bridge [aka in a space between two sides]) Pat apologizes to Jeng for having Pat take pictures for the Forge project → They talk work, Jeng praises Pat “You did well. You were really good. You did really good.” → Prolonged eye contact → Fireworks → “It’s so pretty” \\ “Very beautiful” → Look at each other immediately after saying that → SUBTITLES LIE AND SAY THAT PAT SAID MR. JENG WHEN IN FACT HE SAYS “JENG look at that one!” → They look at each other way too many times → Cheers their drinks, and end the episode staring out at the fireworks together. 

Your Questions: What questions are coming up in your mind throughout this episode? What questions would you want to try to answer going forward? 

Your Conclusions: What conclusions are you drawing from this episode? What evidence do you have to support it? 

Episode 6

Pat is home from the work trip, watches the fireworks on his instagram story → Pat gets a message from Kong (aka Mr. MLM and not the gay kind) 

Jeng makes shrimp nuggets for the office → Jeng is way too attentive to Pat when he eats the shrimp nuggets (again, Jeng wants to be a house husband → Jeng is on the phone with his father and pauses when Pat eats and then does not like, the shrimp nuggets (Setting: inside office, Jeng is completely separated from the rest of the office and looking at Pat in a crowd) → Jeng’s personal assistant comes over and asks for the recipe and jeng isn’t paying attention because he is still looking at Pat

Jeng makes three versions of the shrimp nugget (Setting: outside workplace at his condo) → force-feeds his brother 

Pat and Chot spend the entire work day together in Chot’s cubicle (remember at the party, Pat only interacts with Chot and Nan) → Pat’s “date” gets canceled

Late at night, no one in the office, Pat goes to leave work and Jeng runs in to him at the elevator looking sad → Jeng learns Pat just had a date canceled → Jeng invites Pat to eat instead (Setting: inside workplace, after hours when no other witnesses are there) → They eat dinner together, Jeng asks about the shrimp donut over dinner

On set Put pulls some shit with Pat (Setting: outside office, though still in workplace. All employees on set that Pat interacts with are queer + Kanoon who is an old friend) → Pat gets mad and tells Put ‘this is my job, what will other people think of me if you do this?” 

Pat goes on “date” with Kong → Kong tries to rope him in to an MLM scheme → Pat says “haha fuck no” → Put calls Pat and Pat uses put’s call as an excuse to get out of the area → Put asks Pat on a date

Chot and Pat run an ad by Jeng → He’s okay with it if they are both okay with it (Question: who is Jeng putting his trust in now?) → Jeng suggests Pat go with him to buy furniture since Jeng needs new stuff for his restaurant and Pat needs a new desk chair

Kong comes to Pat’s work → Kong starts peddling products and asks Pat about Ying (Ying has been a pain in Pat’s ass from the beginning so this is an opportunity for a little revenge) → Pat is nice and does not send Kong after her → Chot gets Pat out of there → Jeng appears to watch the scene unfold (Read: straight and homophobic employee makes Pat sacrifice himself to the MLM scheme, queer employee saves him) 

Pat and Jeng go to Ikea (setting:  outside workplace) → Jeng and Pat have a lot of fun, they play together, Pat fake cooks and Jeng pretends like the food is hot → The chair scene happens

Pat and Jeng go to Pat’s apartment (Setting: outside workplace, in Pat’s domain) → Jeng and Pat cook for real together → Chef hat scene happens (with even more intense eye contact) → Eat together at the dining room table → Jeng starts getting to know Pat better, and is engaged in conversation the whole time 

Pat sinks his chair down and laughs, remembering the Ikea trip (Setting: outside workplace at home) → Put calls and asks Pat on a date while Pat is looking at the stuffed tiger he got with Jeng → Put and Pat go on their date → Put asks Pat to get back together telling Pat that he was just coming to terms with his sexuality when he left and getting in to showbusiness and that wasn’t a place he could really be out. → Put asks again if Pat would consider getting back together 

Your Questions: What questions are coming up in your mind throughout this episode? What questions would you want to try to answer going forward? 

Your Conclusions: What conclusions are you drawing from this episode? What evidence do you have to support it? 

Episode 7

Jaab calls Jeng and is like “dude did you take Pat out on a nice dinner? I saw your wallet?” (Read: Jaab knows that Jeng likes Pat) → Jeng learns Pat may be seeing someone 

Pat and Put flirt with each other on set (Setting: outside typical corporate office, technically at work, with all the queer people in the office) → Jeng clocks the relationship almost immediately and gets salty about it 

Pat cooks for Put → Put ignores Pat the entire dinner (Direct parallel to Jeng and the attention that he gave to Pat when they ate together in Episode 6) 

Film Set (Setting: Outside traditional workspace, still at work (film set, with all the queer employees on the team)) → Pat gets yelled at by Cris’ mother → Chot defends Pat, Put does nothing → Pat walks away and starts crying → Jeng appears when Pat is crying and talks to him → Jeng wants to give physical comfort and stops himself → Pat collapses sobbing in to Jeng’s chest → Jeng gives in and comforts him → Put sees this happen and apologizes to Pat for not doing anything to help (because he can’t be seen having that connection to Pat) → Put gives physical comfort to Pat and then returns to set. (Question: Is this a progression on Pat and Jeng’s relationship? Pat seeks out comfort from Jeng. If so, what about this setting is similar to the other times we have seen their relationship progress?) 

Cris’ mother is shocked to learn that Jeng and Jaab are blood brothers working in such different fields, Jaab responds “I’m too lazy to wear a suit and tie and be in the office all day” (Question: What does this say about Jaab, his queerness, and his relationship to the homophobia we’ve seen in the corporate office?) 

Jeng and Put have a private conversation → Jeng tells Put to separate work and personal matters → Put: “Seeing the person you love being taken advantage of, I don’t know how to feel about that. You understand what I mean, right?” (Read: Put is 200% aware that Jeng has feelings for Pat and is calling Jeng on them)

Put and Pat go back to their hotel room in the evening (Setting: outside work) → They make out → Pat asks Put “Do you like me?”, Put asks Pat “do you like me?” → Pat realizes part-way through them making out that he is not really interested in Put → Pat leaves to go to the after-party and leaves Put alone

Pat appears at the party (Setting: outside work, at work function) → Jeng immediately sits forward → Pat joins the table of employees (Jeng is sitting off in a corner) → Pat joins him → Jeng gets drunk → Pat gets drunker → Jeng is unable to hold-back his giggles, his smiles, his heart eyes, his touches linger a little too long when he grabs Pat’s wrist to stop him drinking → Pat gets drunk enough to need help walking back to the hotel room → Jeng helps get Pat where he needs to go → Pat starts being handsy and clingy with Jeng (SHIRT PULLING SCENE MY BELOVED) → Jeng helps walk Pat to the room he and Chot are sharing. 

Chot watches Jeng take Pat’s shoes off and hesitate to leave → “Men are just swarming at you” (Read: Chot knows Jeng has a crush on Pat) → Put appears and Chot asks “are you here to see Pat?” →  Chot asks if anyone saw Put coming over to Pat and Chot’s hotel room (Read: what read are you taking from this? → Put says “Has Pat told you?” \\ Chot: “Oh, he didn’t tell me. I noticed it from the day of the fitting \\ Put: “It’s that obvious, isn’t it?” (Read: “Am I being that noticeably queer?”) \\ Chot: “Actually, it takes a little bit of observation and experience to see” (Question: How do you interpret this line?) → Put takes care of Pat and hears Pat asking about glass jelly 

They are leaving the hotel to return back to Bangkok (Setting: outside work, after work events are over) → Put checks in on Pat → Put leaves → Pat walks away and Jeng comes to say good morning to Pat → Jeng shows Pat the video he took of Pat (with Pat’s permission) of him being drunk the other night → Jeng offers to delete it, Pat says it’s fine → Jeng calls drunk!Pat cute 

Pat returns home (Setting: outside work) → Pat thinks about the dinner with Put and the fact Put doesn’t respond to the question “Do you like me?” → Pat calls Put. 

Your Questions: What questions are coming up in your mind throughout this episode? What questions would you want to try to answer going forward? 

Your Conclusions: What conclusions are you drawing from this episode? What evidence do you have to support it?

Episode 8

Here are 4 scenes that I feel are important to either a) the theme of homophobia in the workplace or b) the theme of where and how Jeng and Pat’s relationship progresses. 

Pat breaks up with Put (Time-stamp 8 (¼): 0:46 on YouTube)

Question: Where is this scene happening? How is that related to one or both of the themes listed above? 

Question: What details, if any, do you notice about what happens in this scene that may help provide support/evidence to? 

Question: What else do you notice? How is that related to one or both of the themes listed above? 

Put and Jeng speak with each other about Put’s break up with Pat. (Time-stamp 8(¼): 11:48)

Question: Where is this scene happening? How is that related to one or both of the themes listed above? 

Question: What details, if any, do you notice about what happens in this scene that may help provide support/evidence to? 

Question: What else do you notice? How is that related to one or both of the themes listed above? 

Pat and Jeng eat at the first restaurant (Time-Stamp 8(2/4): 7:39)

Question: Where is this scene happening? How is that related to one or both of the themes listed above? 

Question: What details, if any, do you notice about what happens in this scene that may help provide support/evidence to? 

Question: What else do you notice? How is that related to one or both of the themes listed above? 

Jeng takes Pat to the speakeasy (Time-Stamp 8(4/4): 2:26) 

Question: Where is this scene happening? How is that related to one or both of the themes listed above? 

Question: What details, if any, do you notice about what happens in this scene that may help provide support/evidence to? 

Question: What else do you notice? How is that related to one or both of the themes listed above? 

Other scenes of interest: Are there any other scenes you can find from this episode that would give support to or context for the topic of homophobia in the workplace or where and how Jeng and Pat’s relationship progresses? 

Your Questions: What questions are coming up in your mind throughout this episode? What questions would you want to try to answer going forward? 

Your Conclusions: What conclusions are you drawing from this episode? What evidence do you have to support it? 

Episode 9: 

Scenes of Interest: 

https://youtu.be/qkLwvHaJanU?t=444 (Time-Stamp: 7:24-9:54)

Hint: this is not a gratuitous appreciation for Man’s body. There are actually some really important themes we can pick up on from scenes like this one. I know @shortpplfedup had some great observations about scenes like this one and how they relate to Jeng’s character

https://youtu.be/ffWytF3rUvg?t=19 (Time-Stamp: 0:19-2:23)

https://youtu.be/ffWytF3rUvg?t=373 (Time-Stamp: 6:13-7:20)

https://youtu.be/ffWytF3rUvg?t=475 (Time-Stamp: 7:55 - 11:04)

https://youtu.be/ffWytF3rUvg?t=741 (Time-Stamp: 12:21-14:40)

https://youtu.be/fB8DDGMoDsM?t=51 (Time-Stamp: 0:51 - 5:12)

https://youtu.be/fB8DDGMoDsM?t=336 (Time-Stamp: 5:36-7:08)

https://youtu.be/fB8DDGMoDsM?t=437 (Time-Stamp: 7:08-15:18)

https://youtu.be/lf14HaNlM64?t=894 (Time-Stamp: 14:54 - 18:40)

I would love to hear your thoughts on why I might find these scenes important as they relate to Jeng and Pat’s relationship progression and/or homophobia in the workplace!

Episode 10

Try Episode 10 for yourself! What scenes stand out to you in terms of portraying homophobia in the workplace? What settings and contexts do you see contributing to the progressions of Pat and Jeng’s relationship in this episode? What settings and contexts do you see the regressions of Pat and Jeng’s relationship in this episode? What, if anything, is causing the disconnect between Pat and Jeng as the episode plays out? 

Let me know!

Other Questions: Do these themes, do these patterns continue for other queer characters in the show?

As an aside: I don’t know what the stipulations of your presentation are, but if you want to talk about workplace culture in Thailand, especially around queerness, I would be careful not to use Step By Step as like, definitive proof of how Thai workplaces function (just like I wouldn’t use A Boss and a Babe as a way to demonstrate how Thai workplaces function). However, it would certainly be interesting to use something like SBS as a way to compare, and be like “here are elements of actual Thai workplace culture from research that I see playing out in SBS.” I am sure you know what you are doing, I’m not trying to do your work for you either, but I feel a general responsibility to say that, not being Thai myself I can only read this show from a Queer Western lens and I don’t want to somehow be perpetuating stereotypes or harm of actual Thai culture based on my read of this show! 

Good luck on your presentation!

[total-drama-takes-takes-2]

ttwt episode 3

“Last time, on Total Takes World Tour: we dropped off our contestants in Seoul, South Korea- literally! Though they survived the fall, not everyone survived the challenge- after losing half their players, Team Mojo was doomed from the start, and ultimately took the fall- leading to Frollo’s real fall, haha. Mal made some brand new enemies, and Bonnie showed off their soft side when they made buddies with Julia- aw. Who will be falling from altitude next? Will anyone survive today’s challenge? Find out now, on Total Takes: World Tour!”

The inside of first class is illuminated with light classical music, mood lighting, and the smell of fresh pain au chocolat. Kelly and Staci are lounging with their feet up and cucumbers over their eyes, Phillip is busy writing in a thick journal (while giving everyone sideways glances) and Bonnie is absent-mindedly toying with their Switch. 

Max walks into the cabin holding a small bag. “Bathroom’s full. Is anyone here afraid of needles?” then, after a short pause. “Oh, right. I don’t care.”

He sits down next to Bonnie and rolls up his pant leg, then starts unpacking some medical supplies. The latter looks up from their switch curiously. “Whatcha got there?”

“Heroin,” he says plainly, lightly pinching his thigh with one hand and readying a needle with the other. It suddenly hits Bonnie and their face goes blank. 

“Oh. I didn’t know, sorry,”

“It’s fine. Not like I’d be getting any more privacy in the Orwellian nightmare bathroom back there,” he says, not breaking a sweat as he finishes up the injection. 

Kelly leans over the back of their seat. “I do patches,”

“Congratulations,”

---

Ass wakes up with a long stretch, groaning as they work the kinks out of their back from the bumpy and uncomfortable ride. The sound of merry chatting is like nails on a chalkboard to them as Joner and Sha-Mod discuss their upcoming album from across the cabin. 

“I mean, we both have great ideas,” Joner says. 

Sha-Mod nods. “Really great ideas,”

“But it’s not fair to make big decisions without McLovin,”

He thinks for a second, then shrugs. “I guess you’re right. Sucks that we can’t all be here,”

“Tell me about it,” Joner sighs, looking at his teammates. “You gotta promise not to get kicked off. I need you now more than ever, buddy.”

“I swear it! If we go down, we go down together,”

---

SHA-MOD: “Okay, Joner’s my friend and all, but… I’m starting to think maybe this time apart from each other, and MC is good. We’re all a little… What's the word… codeperous!”

From outside the bathroom, Max’s voice shouts “THAT IS NOT A WORD!”

---

Chris’ voice blares over the loudspeakers. “Goooood morning! All campers report to the galley in five for the deets on your next challenge,” 

Economy class grumbles and starts unbuckling themselves for the depressing walk to the tiny eating area. 

---

Chris is standing on the metal picnic table in the center of the room, wearing a viking hat and fake beard. “Welcome to Iceland! Land of the vikings and reduced alphabets!” Chris says. “In just a moment, we’ll be right over some of the most famous hot springs in the world, where I’ll give you the deets on your next challenge. Before then, I’d suggest buckling up- this landing’s gonna be bumpy!”

The teens look at each other and then rush towards the nearest seats, buckling in fast as the plane hits a massive wall of turbulence, shaking everyone like they’re inside a blender. Chris laughs with glee and the plane promptly lands. 

Now dizzy and disoriented, the teens take a moment to collect themselves before unbuckling, but Chris is already five steps ahead of them. He throws open the doors and shouts, “HELLOOOOO, Iceland!” to crickets. 

The plane sits atop an ice sheet in the middle of nowhere. “Um. Where are we?”

Chef walks up to the door behind him. “It’s Iceland,”

“No it isn’t!”

Chef looks across the empty ice sheet. “I see ice. I see land. Iceland,”

“Chef,” Chris sighs, massaging his temples. “Where are we on the map?”

“Big island thingy by Newfoundland,”

“Greenland! We’re in Greenland!” Chris shouts. “What can we even do in Greenland?!”

“That’s not my job,” Chef shrugs and disappears back to the pilot’s quarters. Chris groans. “Okay, okay. Does anyone here know anything about Greenland?”

Silence. The teens look between each other silently and Chris sighs. “Okay, fine. Everyone out. We’re gonna walk across the ice sheet til we find something,”

The entire group groans and follows Chris out into the cold. The wind is blowing snow across the sheet and everyone is shivering as the host zips up his parka and loudly sips from a Thermos. “Mmm. Hot chocolate really lifts my spirits,” 

“I am going. To kill him,” Ass grumbles, wrapping their arms around themselves. “Or myself.”

“Ugh, don’t you dare leave me with Mal,” Courtney says, trudging along. 

Near the back of the group, Mal rambles on happily about her favorite manga to Joner, who’s starting to look like a corpse. 

The group suddenly stops, crashing into each other as Chris stops in front of them. “Here we go!” 

The teens stand before a massive glacier face. “Didn’t think there were any of these left,” the host chuckles. “Okay, impromptu challenge. First team to scale that glacier gets hot chocolate dibs back on the plane.” 

Without another word, the freezing teams rush by him and start climbing the slippery face of the massive glacier. Kelly climbs with an unseen precision and speed, outpacing all of the other competitors. 

---

KELLY: “Fusion gymnastics really pay off,”

---

They reach the top of the glacier in minutes, and peer over the edge. “Come on, Team Friendship! We can do it!”

“Speak for yourself, you spider monkey freak!” Max shouts from the base. 

“Spider monkeys are beautiful creatures!” Kelly yells back. 

Nearby, Michela struggles on the slippery, icy surface- her hands won’t hold onto the sleek edges of ice, and her heavy boots keep pulling her down. As she loses her balance for what feels like the millionth time, someone grabs her arm and hoists her over a ledge. 

“Try digging your heels in more,” Albert says. “And your hands. I did a campaign against oil drilling in Alaska, and did some climbing. while I was there”

She huffs. “Thank you,”

He salutes her and starts climbing upwards while Max watches in annoyance from nearby. 

---

MAX: “I just want to point out, for the record, that he could be flirting with any other girl on the show, but he had to choose mine. There’s something wrong with that guy,"

---

“Dude, later,” Bonnie says as they climb past him. Max sighs and follows them up. 

Albert reaches the top of the glacier and huffs, looking around. Kelly is a few yards away, still shouting down to their team. “Let’s go, guys! You’re doing great,”

He smiles and sits beside them. “Well, aren’t you a little ray of sunshine?”

“Hm?” Kelly looks up. “Oh- I try! We could all use a little push in the right direction, don’t you think? There’s no point to giving up.”

“You can’t win everything, though,”

“Not with that attitude,” they say, matter-of-factly. “Let’s go, team!”

Albert walks off to help Michela over the ledge and Kelly cheerily returns to their team, most of whom keep shouting back at them to be quiet. 

Michela and Albert hoist Austin over the ledge and fall backwards as he collapses on top of them with a scream. Kelly’s attention is diverted to the scuffle, but they quickly turn away when they see who it is. 

“Hey, baby, don’t be a stranger,” Austin says, noticing the avoidance. “Friends, right?”

Kelly looks back and clears their throat. “Yeah, I mean…. It’s been a while, that’s all,” 

“Not too long for an old lover, eh, bird?” he nudges them and they giggle. Patrick makes it over the ledge and slips across the ice, crashing into Michela and Albert like bowling pins and sending them tumbling backwards again. “Well, best get back to the old ball and chain- the team that is!” he laughs at his own joke and walks off. 

---

KELLY: “Sometimes I forget how much I liked Austin when we were together. I mean… we broke up for a reason, and-and I stand by that! But still…”

---

Phillip reaches the top and skids across the ice before coming to a stop in front of Michela and Albert, preventing them from being barreled over again. The first of Team Yaoi successfully makes it over the top and pulls Joner up with them. He and Courtney wheeze atop the ice for a few moments before brushing themselves off and peering over the edge. 

Ass and Julia come next, followed by Mal, who’s been talking about Yuri on Ice for the past eighteen minutes. 

“Someone either get me a pair of earmuffs or a shotgun,” Ass grumbles, pushing past Courtney as Mal babbles on. 

While the team is distracted, Joner runs over to the edge and pulls Sha-Mod up, looking both ways for witnesses. 

“Thanks, man,” he huffs. Joner shrugs. 

Next up is Max and Bonnie. “Has anyone seen Staci?” The latter asks, looking from side to side. 

“Right here, bozos,” Staci says, sitting in a makeshift ice throne. “I found some scrap metal and used it to make ice picks like, ages ago!”

Max rolls his eyes. 

“Looks like you all made it up alive. Good on you!” Chris says. “While you were busy doing whatever, I went ahead and found a real challenge for you- ice fishing! A common pastime here in Greenland, the sport requires a fair bit of travel. The traditional method is dog sledding, but since we already did that in the original World Tour, you’ll be taking a different twist- building your own out of the materials provided!”

A large helicopter hovers overhead and dunks piles of junk on the top of the glacier, right before the teams. “After that, you’ll be choosing who gets to pull you! Meet you at the finish line!”

A ladder drops from the helicopter and Chris grabs it, waving goodbye as he flies off. 

Staci turns back to the team. “This should be easy enough! We just need something to move on, some rope, and a body,”

“I see cardboard and diapers,” Bonnie says, pointing to the trash pile. “Where’d Chris get this stuff, anyway?”

“I’d assume some kind of current carries trash in the Atlantic up here,” Max says, tossing a tin can behind him. “But what do I know? Let’s ask the genius.”

They all turn to Staci, who shrugs. “How would I know? It doesn’t matter, anyway- we’ve got everything we need. Max, start collecting those cardboard boxes. Bonnie, get me something metal. Kelly, you’re on shoelace duty,” they salute. Staci continues. “Everyone else, start looking for some kind of adhesive and some kind of grease. Let’s go!”

The team disperses, leaving the two others behind. Ass and Courtney watch them section off. “So, we’re screwed,” Ass says, unamused. “If anyone needs me, I’ll be dying of hypothermia.”

They walk off, leaving the team behind. “Can we please not fight?” Joner whimpers. 

Courtney sighs and nods. “Joner’s right, we need to stick together,” they scan the horizon. “Someone find some… wood, or something. There’s gotta be something we can do!”

Joner and Julia look at each other (the latter rolling her eyes) and both cautiously walk off into the garbage. 

---

COURTNEY: “Okay, so I’m not a perfect leader. So what? Someone has to keep this team together!”

---

“Look what I found, baby!” Austin glides back over to Team Mojo, who so far have only collected sheet metal. Michela looks at him, and the rest of the team raise their heads as he stops in front of them gracefully. 

“Ice skates! Way to go!” Albert says. “We can attach them to the bottom of our sled.”

“There’s a whole line of them over there, baby!” Austin jabs his thumb backwards, then begins taking off the skates. “But they make me look really shagadelic, don’t they?”

Everyone looks at Michela for comment. She rolls her eyes. “Whatever,”

---

MICHELA: “Why am I ‘the girl’? I mean, I know why, but come on! Patrick is right there!”

---

Kelly sifts through the large pile of abandoned boots in the old shoe sector of the trash heap, pulling out shoelaces and humming to themselves. They crawl on their knees, ducking under alcoves in the garbage island. Their pockets are stuffed full of laces, and as they continue along the depressing manmade horror, they bump their head against something. 

“Ow!” they exclaim, adjusting their vision after the bump knocked them dizzy. 

“Oops- sorry, baby, I wasn’t looking where I was going,” Austin says. “Here, let me help with that.” he pulls off his blazer, wraps a chunk of ice in it, and presses it against Kelly’s forehead. They smile gratefully and hold it to their head. “Thank you,”

---

KELLY: “Despite everything, he’s still a gentleman,” they pause for a few moments, then sigh. “Sometimes… I really miss him.”

---

“How’ve you been holding up? Groovy, I hope?” Austin asks, pulling another ice skate out of the snow. 

Kelly shrugs. “Oh, you know. Good, bad, in between. Lonely, mostly,” they sigh. 

Austin places a gentle hand on Kelly’s shoulder. “Sorry to hear that, baby,”

The two look at each other for a moment, both crouching on the ground in their little cave of ice and garbage. Austin slowly begins leaning in, and Kelly takes the cue and does the same, closing their eyes. 

But Austin, instead of doing the expected, ducks to the left and nabs something behind Kelly. They fall forward and land face-first in the snow. “There you are, you little bugger,” he says, holding up another skate. “Well, fun chat! Later, baby!”

Austin gets up and walks off with his bundles of ice skates, leaving Kelly behind. They struggle for a moment before sitting up and backing out of the cave, their tongue attached to the blade of an ice skate that was embedded in the snow. 

“Uh-oh,” they say with a heavy lisp. 

Chris walks over to observe the scene. “Wow. What’re the chances,” he chuckles. The familiar ring of the musical bell sounds and Kelly mumbles. 

“Now?”

Chris nods. “Now. But, uh- let’s get some backup singers, shall we?” he chuckles. “You seem a little tongue-tied.”

Kelly’s brow furrows at the annoying joke while Chris laughs at himself. Michela, Ass, and Courtney are shoved over by Chef, much to their collective annoyance. 

“Ah, here we are. Take it away, ladies! And… things,” he squints before walking off. 

“What happened?” Michela asks. Kelly grumbles as the bell rings again, almost passive-aggressively this time. “The strings of my heart are a tangled mess!”

“Oh, I love this one,” Courtney says, elbowing Ass to join in. “Ooh, mess!”

“It’s beating so hard, it’s jumping out of my chest!”

Michela begrudgingly joins in this time. “Ooh, chest!”

“I tried to start with a clean slate!”

“Ooh, slate!”

“I ended up stuck to a skate!”

“They got stuck, tried their luck, sucks to suck- stuck, stuck to a skate!”

“I was a fool, thought nothing had changed!”

“Ooh, changed!”

“Now I realize that was totally strange!”

“Ooh, strange!”

“He’s moved on, I’m still stuck in the past!”

“Ooh, past!”

“I probably should’ve just asked!”

“They got stuck, tried their luck, sucks to suck- stuck, stuck to a skate! Stuck, stuck, stuck to a skate!”

“Are we done now?” Michela asks. No one responds and she walks off. 

“Um… help? Please?” Kelly asks. 

Ass rolls their eyes. “Maybe next time you should think before throwing your lips at anyone who looks your way,”

Courtney holds up a finger. “But-”

“Come on,” Ass grabs their wrist and drags them away from Kelly. 

---

ASS: “Strawberry Shortcake? Oh, please. They’re like a weird pet to me. I’ve got them completely wrapped around my finger,”

---

COURTNEY: “Ass is annoying, but they’re not a threat. Like a small, loud dog. I’ve got them under my thumb,”

---

“Um… what happened to you?” Max asks as Kelly walks back to the group, holding up the skate (still attached to their face). “You know what? I don't even want to know.”

“Oh my gosh, Kelly! Where did you find this?!” Staci says, holding the skate. “This is perfect!”

“Austhin,” they mumble. “They hath a bunch over there.” they jab their thumb back towards Team Mojo, who’s sheet metal sled is almost complete. 

“Well, nevermind that. I made something even better. You guys are gonna love this,” Staci says, pulling out their sled- a futuristic, yet simple design. “The runner is made out of tin can lids for traction, with an automatic feature that’ll cover them with this metal slip when we need to go smooth. I reinforced the cardboard, and these shoelaces will work perfectly to hold everything together and make up the reins.”

Max rolls his eyes. Bonnie elbows him. “It looks great, Staci,”

They shrug. “Oh, it’s nothing,”

Ass watches Team Friendship’s sled come together and looks back to the Yaois, who’s contraption looks more like an unfinished Ikea product. 

“We need to hurry things up,” they announce curtly. “We’re WAY behind.”

“Please, keep standing there and telling us how bad we’re doing. It’s SO helpful!” Courtney says, using a cable to tie together the miscellaneous wood and cardboard pieces they found. 

“Guys, can we please not argue?” Joner pipes up from behind them. “It’s really not helpful.”

Ass rolls their eyes and walks off. “Whatever. I’m going to find more wood,”

Courtney grumbles to themselves and angrily tightens the cable to a suffocating degree. Julia sits next to Joner and shakes her head. “What a crowd, huh? If you’d ask me, you’re the glue holding us together, Joner,”

She pats his back and he shivers. “Um… okay. I’m going to go sit by Mal,” 

Joner gets up and stiffly walks over to Mal, who’s busy trying to get a signal on her phone. 

---

“Attention, construction crews! You have five more minutes before the race begins!” Chris’ voice blares over his megaphone as his helicopter hovers overhead. 

“How’re we feeling?” Bonnie says, stepping back. “Do we need a steering function, or will our “sled dog” take that on?”

“Do we have time to add anything else?” Max asks. 

“There’s always time for finishing touches!” Staci squeals, running over and dumping a bucket of glitter over the sled. Max sighs and massages his temples. 

---

STACI: “What? Just because I’m an engineer doesn’t mean I can’t have fun,”

---

Team Friendship piles on the sled, getting covered in glitter in the process. Max looks like he’s about to kill someone, and Bonnie isn’t faring much better. 

The three sleds- each of varying quality- line up in front of the opposite end of the glacier, where Chris is waiting. 

“Um, someone’s going to come and clean all this extra trash up, right?” Albert asks, looking at the pile behind them. 

“Suuuuuuure,” Chris grins. “Just be grateful you’re reusing, buddy. Your next challenge is simple- your designated ‘sled dog’ will pull you down the glacier to the frozen lake, where you’ll cut into the ice and fish out one of these!” He holds up a handful of mugs, each a color coordinating to the teams. “Once you have your mug, you can cross the finish line and receive your reward-”

The crowd Oohs. 

“-Not going to the elimination ceremony!”

The crowd sulks again. 

“As soon as you choose your sled dogs, you’re free to go!” Chris fires a flare into the sky and chuckles to himself before walking off as the teams turn to each other. 

“I volunteer!” Phillip says. “My raw strength is deeper than what meets the eye…”

“Yeah, that’s not happening,” Max says. “How about Skate Face? Not like they’ve done a lot today besides frenching a shoe.”

Kelly protests, jabbing their finger, but their words are unintelligible. 

“I’ll do it if it means less glitter on me,” Bonnie says, climbing out of the back and circling around to the front, fastening the harness. “Don’t even think about whipping me.”

Across the ice, Michela fastens the harness around herself and gives a thumbs up to the team behind her. Ass and Courtney watch the other group fix themselves up and turn to theirs. 

“I’ll do it,” Courtney says, raising a hand. “It’s only fair after my terrible leadership today.”

“No kidding,” Ass grumbles. “But I don’t think you’re really up for the task, no offense. Wait, actually- offense!”

“Like you’d do any better,”

“Watch me!”

“Okay, then why doesn’t Mal do it? She hasn’t done a single thing all day!” Courtney shouts. 

“Um, not true! I’m Wattpadding,” Mal scoffs, offended. Ass rolls their eyes. 

“Enough!” Joner shouts, catching everyone’s attention. “I’ve had ENOUGH of your fighting! I’ll do it, okay!” He gets up and walks around to the front of the sled. “Now are you done acting like children, or do you want a juice box and a cookie with that?!”

Courtney, Ass, and Mal stare blankly, then slowly shake their heads. 

“That’s what I thought,” Joner says, fastening the harness around him. “If I hear a single peep out of you, I’m turning this whole sled around!”

Julia smiles and leans into Joner to whisper. “Imagine how much smoother we’d run if one of those guys were gone. Just saying!”

---

JULIA: “I need an ally. No way I’m trusting basket case 1, 2, or 3, plus- Joner is probably the weakest link on the team. He needs me,”

---

Joner looks away as he finishes fastening the ropes around his torso and shoulders. “Me and Sha-Mod are already kind of allies,”

“You have a cross-team alliance?” Julia says. “I’m impressed. But Sha-Mod can’t help you here, and trust me- if we lose, you’ll be next.”

He thinks for a moment, and then nods. “Fine, but just for today, and just in case we lose,”

“Whatever works for you!” Julia says merrily. 

Joner starts off, shortly ahead of Bonnie and far behind Michela (as Team Mojo’s vote for sled dog was unanimous). He dashes right off the side of the glacier and the crowd in the back scream in terror as they drop down. 

Bonnie watches the Yaois fall and turns back to Staci. “This better work!”

“Trust me!”

They sigh and start running, screaming as they go off the edge- as the serrated edges of the tin can runners dig into the ice, though, the fall is dramatically slowed and much safer. 

By the time they reach the ground below, they soar past Team Yaoi, who are all buried waist-deep in snow. 

“I can see Michela and the boys!” Bonnie yells. Staci starts up the mechanism to cover the runners, and they pick up speed, gliding past the Mojos. 

Kelly makes fleeting eye contact with Austin as they pass, and then quickly looks away. 

---

“Joner? JONER!” Julia shouts as the Yaois dig through the snow, searching for their missing sled dog. 

“Maybe he ran away?” Mal asks, using her phone flashlight to very slowly melt the snow underfoot. 

Julia rolls her eyes. “He’s not an actual dog,”

“Isn’t he, though?” Ass snickers. Courtney whacks them upside the head. 

A faint groaning catches everyone’s attention and they turn to a massive pile of snow and rocks up ahead. Courtney approaches and winces. “Oh, that’s… not good,” 

Joner is lying in the pile of rocks, bruised and battered. Courtney and Julia lift him up and carry him to the back of the sled, then turn to each other. “So… who’s gonna pull it now?”

---

“Come on, Bonnie!”

“You got it, Bonnie!” 

Bonnie rolls their eyes. “Okay, I get it!” and they speed up. 

“Mush, mush!” Patrick yells, using his blazer as a whip to goad on Michela, who’s looking less than amused. “Good doggie!”

“Can someone do something about him?” she yells. Albert looks cautiously at him, and he snickers. “Oh, I dare you,”

Albert curls his hand into a fist and punches Patrick’s lights out. 

---

ALBERT: “When you work in a field like mine, you have to learn how to defend yourself eventually. I’ve been threatened, attacked, attacked with bricks, attacked with pillowcases full of dead birds, and stoned at least five times,” he pauses. “And yet, they still built that dam.”

---

Bonnie slows down at the mouth of a frozen lake, Michela shortly after. Each respective team unloads and runs to the ice, where three sets of fishing rods and saws are sitting. 

“Anyone know how to fish?” 

On Mojo’s side, Albert begins sawing while Michela grabs the rod. “For the record,” he states. “I do not condone commercial fishing.”

“This isn’t commercial, nor is it fishing,” Michela says, dunking the fishing rod in the water the second the ice is cleared off. 

Minutes later, Team Yaoi finally arrives, everyone but Joner pulling the sled behind them. “Let’s go!” Courtney shouts, dropping the ropes. 

Ass grabs the saw and starts cutting the ice open while Julia readies the hook. Nearby, Michela shouts “Got something!” And pulls up an orange mug. “Let’s go!”

Team Mojo runs off, leaving behind Friendship and Yaoi, only one of which has gotten in the water yet. Max maneuvers the fishing rod around. “I’m not feeling anything,”

“You’re doing it wrong,” Phillip says. “I would know. I have a fishing encyclopedia.”

“So you know how to fish?” Staci asks. 

He looks away and avoids the question for a few moments. “...No,”

“Why would you have a fishing encyclopedia if you don’t fish?” Bonnie questions, raising an eyebrow. 

Phillip sighs. “You wouldn’t understand what it’s like to be a man,”

“I got something!” Max yells, just as Courtney gets their lure in the water. He pulls out a lavender mug and Team Friendship cheers, getting up and running off. 

“Hurry!” Julia snaps at Courtney. 

“I can’t fish any faster!”

---

Team Mojo crosses the finish line and cheers. 

“And Team Mojo has won the challenge!” Chris announces. “Nice going, guys. Enjoy some complementary winners hot chocolate.” 

Chef rolls out a large metal beverage dispenser. 

“But we only have one mug!” Michela protests. 

“I know. Sharing is caring, guys!” Chris chuckles. The team groans. 

Team Friendship pulls up next, panting. “We-we made it! Not latht!” Kelly says. The team cheers, and only seconds later does Team Yaoi pull forward, holding their mug and panting. 

“No. NO!” Ass shouts, dropping to their knees as they see both teams have arrived before them. “NOOOOOOOOOO!”

Courtney wheezes and collapses in the snow and Mal rolls her eyes. Julia looks around. “I feel like we forgot something,”

---

Sha-Mod pushes Joner back to the finish line in the shoddily-made sled, shaking his head. 

---

“Team Yaoi, I’ll see you at the elimination ceremony tonight. The rest of you can enjoy a nice, toasty evening on the plane,” Chris grins. “Cause the engines are overheating and we can’t figure out why!”

---

Team Yaoi sits in the wooden bleachers at the elimination ceremony, wrapped in blankets and shivering.

“Team Yaoi- wow. You sucked. I can’t even think of a single nice thing to say about you!” Chris chuckles. “Your absolute hatred of each other led you to the pits- for some of you, literally!” he says, gesturing to Joner in a full-body cast. He groans. “But now it’s time to cast your votes and see who gets the boot for good,”

---

Courtney sits in the confessional and sighs. “As much as I want to get rid of Mal, and Ass… it’s cruel to keep Joner in the competition,”

---

Ass stamps out Courtney and flips their passport closed with a smile. 

---

Joner mumbles erratically as he sits in his cast, trying to stretch out to reach the passports.

---

Mal stamps out Joner without even looking up from her phone.

---

“I know we’re supposed to be allies, but what use is someone who can’t even move his fingers?” Julia says, crossing her arms. “Can just one person I bet on make it to merge?” She stamps out Joner. 

---

“Let’s see- Ass, Julia, and Mal- you’re safe,” Chris reads the votes aloud, tossing each player named a bag of pretzels. “And no surprise- Courtney, you’re safe, too. Sorry Joner. The good news is that there should be a hospital under us riiiiight about now.”

Chris tosses him a parachute, which Julia helps him put on. Ass rolls their eyes. 

Joner mumbles something loudly, glaring at the team as he stands at the door. And without another word, he jumps out. 

“Dramatic,” Chris chuckles. 

---

Kelly sighs as they hold their hair dryer to their tongue, trying to unfreeze it from the harsh metal of the skate blade in the confessional. The door opens and someone jumps. “Sorry, didn’t realize someone was in here,”

“It’th fine,” Kelly says. “I didn’t lock it.”

“Still stuck to that thing?” Albert says, turning on the water tap and letting it run warm before gesturing for Kelly to try it out. They do and the blade immediately separates from their mouth. 

“Finally!” They exclaim. “That could’ve saved me a few hours.”

He shrugs. “I do what I can. How’d you get stuck to that thing, anyway?”

“It’s a long story. Short version is that you should never assume someone’s going to kiss you,” Kelly sighs, shaking their head. 

“Um... I don’t think I would. I think you’re a little too optimistic for your own good,” Albert comments, then leaves the bathroom. 

Kelly sighs again, then closes the door to be alone.

[baileys-3]

NEW CHAPTER NOW ONLINE! Chapter 7: Day 6+7 / Episode 5x10

There is a little Sneak Peak for yut under the link:

Lucy opens the door to her flat as quietly as possible. She has no desire whatsoever to explain her outfit to Tamara. Normally she would have come home much later. And Tamara would already have been asleep. That was the plan. But now her roommate is probably still awake. Therefore, contrary to her habit, Lucy puts the key very quietly on the shelf next to the door and then lets the door fall almost silently into the lock. She takes off her shoes and crosses the flat on tiptoe. She is lucky and gets to her bathroom without any problems. She briefly considers whether she should put on comfortable clothes again to make herself comfortable on the couch or whether she should get ready for bed right away. She decides on the latter.

So, she washes off her make-up, brushes her teeth and puts on her sleeping T-shirt and pajama trousers. Then she goes through her flat again and knocks on Tamara's door. Then sits down with her on the bed and they both talk briefly about their day. Lucy leaves out the part about the date, of course. Then she wishes Tamara a good night and makes her way to her own room. When she enters, the chaos catches her eye. She has forgotten all about it. She feels that half her wardrobe has been cleared out and is scattered all over the room. So, she uses the next half hour to tidy everything up again.

Before throwing herself onto her bed, she switches on her Bluetooth box and calls up one of her favorite playlists on her mobile. With relaxing music. And then she lets herself fall backwards onto her soft mattress and thinks about tonight.

Tonight's date was really a bit weird. Or rather, this underlying tension between them. She runs it all through her head again. If she interprets it right and puts all the pieces of the puzzle together correctly, she comes to the conclusion that Tim Bradford ... the Tim Bradford who doesn't even bat an eyelid in a hail of bullets ... the Tim Bradford who leaves a safe house and steps into the middle of a group of violent men ... the Tim Bradford who always keeps a cool head in stressful situations ... the Tim Bradford who takes sides with minorities even when it means trouble for him ... that the Tim Bradford was super nervous today. That dating her makes him super nervous. Because Tim was definitely not Tim today. And she thinks it's totally cute and her heart does a somersault at the thought.

Just choosing the restaurant was more than any other man had ever done for her. His choice had been perfect. And so full of subliminal gestures. Japanese, because she likes Japanese. The most romantic restaurant in town. This time he was definitely romantic. And then also such a super expensive restaurant. All for her. A shiver runs down her spine at the thought of her being worth so much to someone. And then she shoots up and hits her head on the back of her bed. She one hundred percent deserves the pain. How stupid is she anyway? She slaps her hand against her head and inwardly she intones a rant at herself. How on earth could she forget to thank him for the evening? God, she is just mega stupid.