#pat x jeng

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

If you're going to be like this, I'm not going to have the strenght to hold you up. Do you still want me to take a shower? You don't have to anymore.

[25shadesoffebruary]

I want to be your safe zone.

[heretherebedork]

I will always appreciate a good counter lift and an untied apron only enhances the experience. @absolutebl Counter lift!

[waitmyturtles]

TW: probably unpopular opinions on Step By Step’s filmmaking!

I’ve had an insane work week so far, so I don’t have the largest amount of time to write an analysis of Step By Step, episode 8, and I’m already late in watching it anyway. But I will largely point everyone in the direction of @lurkingshan’s EXCELLENT analysis of Jeng’s reaction to Pat’s reaction that Jeng is gay (and to @neuroticbookworm’s post-Shan analysis of their prediction of the road ahead, which I subscribe to). 

I’m also late in watching this because I allowed myself the spoilers yesterday, and was admittedly frustrated to learn that the payoff of this episode is that Pat learns about Jeng’s preferences... in an episode that’s over an hour. It’s a very unpopular opinion I have! The editing and some of the writing of this show suck. I’m gonna repeat myself -- I would prefer crisper writing and dialogue. But I am still in favor of the deep focus on Pat and his mindset. It’s just that in some moments (like in the second restaurant), he’ll disappear and we won’t get feedback on that disappearance until MUCH later. (And forget about Jaab and Jen, I’m leaving that alone for this analysis. The show definitely had the time to examine that more in an hourlong+ episode, but didn’t.)

ANYWAY. Citing @bengiyo‘s and @ginnymoonbeam‘s conversation about Pat’s radar -- I want to build off of @bengiyo‘s comment for a moment, on something I realized when Jeng was with Tae, when Jeng got the text message from Pat that the restaurant crawl was on. Something I realized when Tae was asking Jeng about Pat’s intentions is that:

For Jeng, WORK IS LIFE. We’re spending a lot of time, and the show spends a lot of time, dealing with the boss-to-subordinate conflict. BUT. I would argue that Jeng’s whole world is work. The man is LITERALLY WORKING TWO JOBS, TWO HIGH-LEVEL, EXECUTIVE LEADERSHIP JOBS. Man’s insane. 

I give Pat the gigantic benefit of the doubt that he “could” or “should” have known Jeng’s preferences intentions. (@lurkingshan, @bengiyo, and @ginnymoonbeam all know that before seeing the episode, I did state incredulity that Pat DIDN’T know this, so I recant before you all!)

BECAUSE: what PAT is seeing in front of himself, vis à vis Jeng, is a man that is WORKING ALL THE TIME. So I think Pat’s radar is off, in my opinion, because he can ONLY see Jeng as a boss and a leader, and would not allow himself to cross the boss-subordinate boundaries, even in settings where they are “working” on Jeng’s “other” job, because Jeng is a boss in that other space as well. 

And while Jeng doesn’t see this as “working,” Pat certainly does. 

I mean, I’ve tried to get glasses of wine with some former bosses of mine, just to create intimacy and get to know them out of office spaces, and like, all we talk about is work. Some people can’t relax and separate. I get that.

I think Pat ASSUMED Jeng was like that, because in doing social activities, it seems, from Pat’s perspective, that Jeng is still working -- and for that restaurant crawl, he totally is! And Tae knew to call that out and maybe tease Jeng for being a little delulu, which, accurate. 

So I write this, now not in criticism of Pat’s radar, but in grudging support of it, and I say grudging because I do not think the editing of the show is supporting the slow burn anymore. Unpopular opinion, I know. I think this show is doing Pat dirty. I believe the payoff will be good. But the show is dragging and not giving us enough by way of internal communication on Pat’s part to demonstrate intriguing development that grabs me. 

But we get a confession next week. Let’s see how long it’ll take to get there. 

[respectthepetty]

If you need me, I'll be stuck in the blue with Jeng for next few hours, because baby boy was DEEP in Pat's blue all episode.

DEEP

DEEEEEP

THE GODFATHER IS RIGHT THERE! HE CAN SEE YOU FALLING INTO PAT'S BLUE!!!!!!

Babe, you weren't even trying to be neutral in the beginning! You were wearing a blue shirt and tie!

Jeng was in that blue right until the moment shit got real.

But I think he'll be back in it quickly.

Thank goodness baby Jane stayed in the pink though.

Even though he doubled down on it since next week, he appears to not be in pink for the first time.

Sidenote: Those are IKEA Pride bags on the ground. I'm obsessed with IKEA. I know my IKEA bag with the yellow strap! Chot made that happen. I know it. The IKEA queers gotta have each other's backs.

Finally, Put is on the same level as KinnPorsche's Tawan, which means I LOVE HIS PETTY ASS while all of y'all hate him. Eff it up, sir!

If this really does state "Pat's sadness" like them YouTube comments suggested, I'm going to die of embarrassment for the level of whipped Jeng will be when he and Pat finally do get together.

And finally, if Jaab really is a Black Brooder, I'm gonna be salty.

[thefreeblog]

You know what I love most about the dynamic going on in between Pat and Jeng?

See Jeng is rich, handsome and a established business man. He is very particular about his impression in general and in public, where as Pat has just started his career. He is inexperienced and new to everything atleast in the business or work. They have a solid 10yrs gap in them.

We know that it was mostly crush on first sight for both of them. They both have maintained the professionalism to an extent while they work together. But as they spend more time together that guard is slipping, but still you see that despite being younger, inexperienced and clearly overwhelmed by everything that is Jeng, Pat is so put together. He gets flustered but he hides it so well , whereas Jeng as the days pass is turning into a shy ball of a man. He has to look away from Pat. He can't keep looking or he will melt then and there. He just can't control his face , eyes nor his heart from showing that affection for Pat.

Look at the difference between how both of them get flustered.

And this kind of role reversal or anti stereotypical thing going on between them is so precious. I just can't wait to see their dynamic when they get together.

I don't think we have got this dynamic ever in any BL. This is not exactly tsundere - sunshine kinda thing either. I don't know what to call it. But whatever it is glad I am here to witness it.

[crapyouknowme]

NOOOOO WE HAVE TO WAIT TWO WEEKS

[idontknow178]

Tall men I didn't think were capable of kissing their co-stars passionately and totally fooled me, a essay

[mooninagust]

❝now we are together❞

[syrena-del-mar]

The Birth Order Theory: The Only Child in Step By Step

First things first, I already touched upon this idea about the presentation of the Birth Order Theory in Step by Step a bit while I was live-blogging Episode 9, but I was pretty much enamored with the episode so I don't think I was able to coherently state my thoughts. Episode 9 of Step by Step (in my opinion) has been one of the best so far in the whole series. Which is saying something since I've been enjoying this series immensely since the first episode. Granted, I am more forgiving regarding filming mistakes or even most timeline confusion as long as there are captivating characters that drive the story.

I already thought that most of the characters were all, generally, well fleshed out— my reservation being on Jane— but episode 9 really knocked it out of the park for me. What really stood out to me was the juxtaposition with how Jeng and Pat were able to deal with the fall out of Jeng's confession. I actually came to appreciate and understand Pat a lot more on why he reacts as he does because of this episode.

So we're back to the Birth Order Theory, but this time we're applying it to Step by Step, I promise to attempt to keep it a shorter read than my La Pluie Birth Order post.

Only Child Syndrome and the Lack of Sibling Effect on Pat

If you want a more substantive post on what Birth Order Theory actually encapsulates, you can click on my La Pluie post, where I dive into it a bit more, before proceeding. Essentially, it's a theory that reasons that the personality that you develop is affected by the order in which you were born into your family. There's no hard evidence to base its' accuracy, simply anecdotal, but for characters and stories we don't need the scientific evidence to be accurate.

The Only Child Syndrome is typically seen as a negative effect on children with no siblings. Austrian psychotherapist, Alfred Adler, suggests that while only children are at an advantage due to being the sole focus of the parents (both financially and emotionally), the "sibling deprivation" that they experience has a detrimental effect on the only child's personality since they lack interactions with their peers at home. Depending on the child's upbringing and the tactics that parents utilize, only children can struggle with anxiety and lack social skills at a higher rate than their peers that have siblings. Since only children's parents have no other children, they are often over-protected during their upbringing which can lead to overachieving children that struggle when it comes to healthily dealing with stress. They often have face difficulty sharing with peers, while also preferring to maintain direct communication in order to avoid misunderstandings.

Maybe it's just me, but I think it took me too many episodes to fully register that Pat was an only child. Personally, I believe it's because we typically see Pat being surrounded by people, especially when he's facing emotional turmoil. As a result, I didn't register how small his nuclear family was. This episode really highlighted how alone Pat is when he's not with his friends. While Jeng has his brother to depend on and cry with (not to mention the unseen sister), Pat has no other outlet than himself on a day-to-day basis. Even though he surrounds himself with friends, he goes home to a dark and empty house which contrasts Jeng, who has the choice of going home to his brother.

From what we are shown, Pat's parents are mostly absent from Pat's life. Pat's mother lives abroad, has remade her life after the divorce, has her own family and has resettled. Pat's father seems to be dating different people and likely traveling around. They both only really seem to physically reappear into Pat's life around his birthday from what they have mentioned. Life does move on and sometimes you 're not able to care for yourself as much as you like, it's important to come to terms with that and be able to navigate life regardless, but it does add another layer as to why Pat has been unable to successfully deal with his emotions. He's an only child with divorced parents. Add to the fact that the parents are all around the globe and not easily accessible, it really seems like he's the one that's always being left behind and abandoned, or at least not anyone's main priority. I'm sure this notion was only reinforced when Put chose his career over their relationship. Pat, while not immediately visible, seems to struggle with abandonment and just being alone.

I agree with Pat's parents that people entering and exiting your life is the natural cadence of life and that it does not determine the love that people have for each other. Yet, Pat is only 24 years old. This newfound realization of how he's unable to prioritize himself, plus the added emotional charge of breaking up with his boyfriend again (and on top of that, your boss confessing), is a lot to be able to really process. They're all part of the growing pains that you experience in your twenties. For the most part, Pat is navigating the growing pains alone. He doesn't have a sibling to learn from or with, so it adds a layer of hardship to that. At the end of the day, while Jeng can go back home to his brother (arguably, even his parents... though that's a whole conversation), Pat goes back to a house, where it's just him and his stuffed tiger (that is now in time-out somewhere in a drawer.)

Pat and his struggle with Conflict Resolution and Balancing Stress

Pat struggles with fully being able to express himself, we saw this when we first met him at the office, he was being ridiculously overworked. Not to mention the office rules and societal rules placed on subordinate employees, it's difficult enough to say no, but this, theoretically, also stems from being the only child in the family, where he was probably subject to more "adult influences" since he only had his parents growing up. He is an over-achiever, which we see with him having gained his Masters abroad before coming back to Thailand to work (even if he did initially run away after being abandoned by Put) so he's having to adjust. His struggle to fully express yourself correct, when you already have an issue saying no and standing up for yourself, is not going to magically disappear without putting effort to improve, even if you age.

Now I'm not saying that those moments of emotional outbursts that Pat was showing was not immature or unprofessional, but I think it really puts into perspective as to why he's reacting as he did. He's relatively young, at 24, and he's rather new in the workforce, having just finished his academic career. Everyone starts out with a level of professionality, which Pat originally was. Except his professionality ended with him becoming a doormat. The burnout of being used, combined with the new expectations that Jeng came in with, Pat's stress escalated. Pat's emotional outbursts were a direct result of not having positive coping methods. He went out with his friends and got absolutely trashed each time he was stressed. It's a rather troublesome way to manage his anxiety and stress, because it does not resolve his anxiety or stress that he already has.

I'm also not diminishing any relationships that an only child may form with friends and other loved ones, I'm a firm believer of found families, but I do think that sibling relationships, typically, guarantee a relationship that is emotionally charged and characterized with an intimacy that are not as easily formed with non-direct blood relatives [disclaimer: this assumption does not apply to every only child and I'm solely using this theory for application here.] When you have siblings that have a long history and intimate knowledge of who you are as a being, there are ample opportunities to provide both emotional and instrumental support with on another. Conflicts naturally arise in sibling relationships and as a child, you tend to learn different conflict management and resolution strategies. While only children can have the opportunity to learn the same skills, I think it can be profoundly different in how they learn and implement those skills into adulthood.

Here, when Pat is facing any professional or personal difficulties, he often turned to Ae (and Beam by default). When he was dealing with solely professional issues at work, he got accustomed to turning to Jeng for solutions or comfort. He coped by being with people and socializing with them (this includes his excessive drinking in social circles), rarely did we see 100% on his own dealing and mulling over his feelings. This time around, Ae, while still being a great friend, is just in a different stage of her life. She's engaged and has a baby on the way, this doesn't minimize the friendship, but it does signify a shift in the relationship dynamics of their friendship are bound to occur that comes with time. Plus he doesn't even have Jeng to depend on, because Jeng is the issue this time around. Even Chot, though he's a great friend, he's still a work friend. The time and understanding that is needed to nurture a friendship where Pat can fully open up to him is just not there yet. Pat, in this moment of his life, lacks that person that he can turn to and who truly understands him.

Final Thoughts

Both Jeng and Pat really shone in episode 9 and I completely agree on how heartbreaking it was to see Jeng be heartbroken, but I think Pat gets written off a bit too easily for my taste. I've seen people discuss Step-by-Step and simply cast Pat aside due to his "immaturity", I mean even I'm guilty of an eye-roll or two with some of his decisions, but episode 9 really fleshed him out.

Rather than immature, due to the negative connotation it carries, I'm starting to see him as inexperienced. He's still learning and his reactions are a result of all his life experiences. It's easy to overlook the reasoning as to why he reacts the way he does, especially when you have Jeng crying his heart out, but his reaction is a culmination of Pat's life experiences. He's just getting out of a break-up, he had no clue Jeng was not straight, he has abandonment issues, insecurity issues, and then Jeng is his boss of the same office that is filled with workers that harassed him. It's a lot to think about and he has a lot to lose if he just accepted Jeng rashly.

There's a proverb in Spanish, "Todos los hombres estamos hechos del mismo barro, pero no del mismo molde." Essentially, even if we're made of the same clay, we do not come from the same mold. Pat reactions start to make more sense when you look at the life experiences that have shaped him, instead of just simply thinking, "I would never act like that." Episode 9 really hit that message home this week.

[bellarkeandclintashaandsuch]

Emotional roller coaster of an episode. Just a few random thoughts.

Love any and every scene we get of Jeng and Jaab. And Jaab comforting Jeng was so sweet.

Pat’s parents are so cute. But Pat’s stepdad doesn’t come to visit with his mom?

Your chef dad was at your house cooking, Pat, so where was the chef’s hat?

They really had me worried something bad was going to happen to Ae and Kanun’s baby there. But then they kept cutting to the two jokers on the bike.

Everyone looking at the photo Ae posted and having their own issues they’re going through, but congratulating her and being awed by new life was poignant.

But they just threw us into the end of her pregnancy. I’m not clear about when the time skip happened. But did they also get married for real? Because I think they also referred to each other as wife/hubby in ep. 1.

Jeng has such attractive friends.

I loved Tiger going to timeout because of Jeng.

Does Pat have a heart-shaped birthmark?

I hope Krit tells his family about Chot eventually 🥺

Did not like all the Jeng tears. Or Pat's. But Jeng's were more unexpected.

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

Starving adj. /ˈstɑː(r)vɪŋ/ - very hungry, dying from hunger

[25shadesoffebruary]

Not fair, you're even handsome in a candid photo.

[heretherebedork]

Their relationship can be summed up into heart eyes and height difference and that's just fine by me.

[waitmyturtles]

CONTINUED UNPOPULAR OPINIONS ABOUT STEP BY STEP, EPISODE 11

I will spare y’all my biting criticism with a read-more. But, TL;DR -- my review is short (for me, HA!), and I hand this show over lovingly to anyone who wants it. 

(Thanks to continued conversations with the inimitable @lurkingshan and the utterly lovely @neuroticbookworm to ensure I’m not going insane with these thoughts.)

At this point, I don’t know what narrative lens we’re supposed to be watching this show through*. Maybe a few of them, together, but that is striking me as an understudied, overambitious, overworked, and confused approach to understanding this show.

Is it a queer narrative about how Jeng has been closeted-ish/held back in his public queer identification for so long that he’s turned into an inconsistent, incommunicative, distrusting putz? Is there a connection between his family being disapproving of his sexuality, and/or him running away from a filial fate of taking over his dad’s company -- and him being a bumbling asshole to Pat?

Is it a trust narrative about how Pat can’t trust ANYONE? Put, Jeng, Jeng’s dad, the company, Toh? Maybe even Chot? (I’m just throwing that out there, since Chot sent him into the battlefield with Jeng during the last episode -- I love Chot, I ain’t blamin’ Chot.) (Maybe I analytically get to this narrative by... assuming Pat can’t trust anyone, since his loving, COMMUNICATIVE parents ended up getting divorced?) (And in the process of that divorce, we learn, in part, that Pat’s mom couldn’t find her full potential in life unless she was outside of the marriage?) [So maybe that’s what needs to happen to Pat? Since Jeng is CLEARLY UNDERMINING Pat’s efforts to be successful on his (Pat’s) own, in multiple ways, by really not allowing Pat to have control over his (Pat’s) own life?]

Is this a MACRO MACRO narrative commentary on the failings of BL tropes and the BL industry as a whole? (The reveal of the once-toxic Ying as a fujoshi?)

It could very well be all of these narratives at the same time. However, the execution of this storytelling, at this point, is so inconsistent and choppy that 1) I can’t exactly tell, and 2) I’m so frustrated about the amount of time that I’ve spent trying to understand this show that at this point, I don’t really want or care TO care.

To refer back to my first point (*) -- I think it’s unfair for me to demand that ANY show have a singular narrative lens. But I propose that Step By Step would have been an actually successful drama if it hadn’t tried to do so much. I’m EXTREMELY biased right now on this kind of analysis, because I’ve just finished Until We Meet Again for the Old GMMTV Challenge, and watched two narrative lenses in DeanPharm and KornIntouch come together into one cohesive story. (And, fuck, I cannot believe I’m saying this about a New Siwaj show.) I mean -- you can take filmmaking classes that can teach screenwriters and directors how to handle multiple narrative lenses successfully.

Maybe that’s the word: cohesiveness. I’m not seeing cohesiveness in Tee Bundit’s Step By Step. Instead, I watched an episode with actual minutes -- MINUTES! -- spent watching an office team held in tension as internet “likes” poured in. Looking at computers. I spent MANY MINUTES watching Jaab WAFFLE over MULTIPLE episodes going back and forth on Jen... only to discover that he missed Jen’s departure to Japan -- a Very Big Life Decision that Jaab just *missed.* Okay.

And.... we are left with the break-up of Jeng and Pat. And a time jump. 

I mean. 

All that growth of the previous episodes, all that slow burn, all that processing of Pat’s growth into a hopefully successful professional digital marketer. For what. No cohesive character development or a sharpening of any narrative lenses.

The last thing I’ll offer is that I understand that Tee Bundit added themes to this show that were not present in the original novel, such as the aforementioned macro commentary on the BL industry and other workplace storylines. And, starting with episode 10, he was on his complete own, outside of the novel’s romance arc (thank you to @lurkingshan for confirming this for me). I’ll theorize, therefore, that what we’ve been watching these past few weeks is a Frankenstein-ed approach to this story where the novel focused on the romance aspect of Pat and Jeng, and Tee’s been wanting to drive home themes of workplace success (I think); professional growth (I think?!); homophobia in the workplace and the harms of either being disapproved of and/or being closeted or closeted-ish in general (Jeng, Chot/Krit, Pat), plus that macro commentary on the BL industry that got edited out. 

But, and I emphasize here: not a SINGLE one of these threads has been illuminated to the point of clarity. I’ve wondered in the back of my mind if Tee maybe threw the baby out with the bathwater on this show AFTER the whole ZeeNew debacle, but -- whatever. The seams on this show were fraying weeks ago, and it shows.

Again -- I can’t think much longer on this show. It’s over next week. After a break-up and a time jump. We’re on the express train to a likely happy ending that I’m going to guess will be totally unearned. I had high hopes for each episode, only to be sorely disappointed since episode 8, when the drag got so unbalanced that I started to raise red flags. I want to see a surprise turn towards good storytelling for this finale next week. I want to be proven wrong about my instincts, but I ain’t putting any of my money on it.

[respectthepetty]